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#and I literally maintained my 4.0 gpa right up until this past semester but now I couldn’t give a shit about clases and my degree
irrelevant-host
·
2 years
Text
feeling vv abnormal about the loss of myself :\
#haven’t done anything besides school and work in like half a year
#and I literally maintained my 4.0 gpa right up until this past semester but now I couldn’t give a shit about clases and my degree
#i have zero motivation to do well and pass my classes even tho I’ve set myself up for another 5 years of education
#i haven’t seen my best friend since last year when I used to be able to see her everyday or at the very least visit every few months
#my brother had to fucking move back to canada and I miss him so fucking much it’s unfair
#my younger brother is struggling and I don’t know how to talk to him or help no matter how much I reach out to him
#my youngest brother is the only one I can do my best to be there for by babysitting him and trying my best to make sure he’s having fun
#and learning but I’m mentally exhausted and I feel like I fail him because of it
#my mom lives 15 minutes away but she’s always working or out of town and I feel like I’m intruding if I stay over for more than a few days
#and I’m never able to spend time w my sister anymore like we used to
#i can barely hold a conversation w my dad or stepmom no matter how hard I try I just feel like I’m too much or they don’t care
#i don’t know where I’m going w this
#oh yeah also I haven’t practiced anything I’ve wanted to despite my brain itching to do something productive for forever
#i took my keyboard out from under my bed for the first time in a year but I can barely get out of bed
#i tried looking for my sketchbook and my fucking desk drawer fell apart lmfao so I gave up on that
#everything just feels so dull all the time
#I’m spending hours and hours on my phone or not sleeping and then sleeping way too much at the wrong times
#everyday is the same and not in a good way
#this is so long and I feel like I haven’t even begun to cover how numb and lonely I feel lol
#anyway I’m gonna go back to watching youtube videos instead of working on lab hw
#nyah speaks
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