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strawbeerossi · 7 months

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Relief

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

Description: With both of your stressful careers, you and your roommate come to a mutual agreement of a way to get rid of the unwanted stress.

Content/Warnings: Talk of stressful work environments, free use kink (duh), oral (f rec), kitchen sex, protected sex, choking

Word Count: 1.6K

Kinktober Day Thirty: Free Use

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You had just gotten home from yet another eighteen hour shift, only running on fumes and coffee as you were slowly unlocking the apartment door. Spencer was away on a case, so you had the place to yourself for the past week. Your roommate was your best friend, someone who you confide in for every little issue. Rachel at work is being a bitch? Spencer would tell you that she couldn’t handle your shifts and that she needed to stay in her lane.

Even when you were wrong, he had your back. Which was what built up such a close bond and a strong friendship. You had mutual trust in one another, able to speak about all of the burdens of the world and have that sense of safety from lack of judgement. That comfort opened many doors, especially whenever it came to talking about your personal lives.

You’d confessed how stressed you’d been, itching for relief although you couldn’t see yourself having casual sex with someone you hardly knew. It was more trouble than it was worth, a sentiment that your best friend could definitely get behind the more he thought about it. After he opened up about his own struggle, you both had a brief window of silence while contemplating who would be the first one to offer a situation you could both benefit from.

“What if we just.. Fooled around? I trust you, I mean. You’re the best person to even sleep with since you are so cautious. Not to mention your germ thing..” You spoke while he had to think it over, the both of you setting boundaries in place. If either of you were desperate, the opportunity was there at any time when you’re around the apartment.

You didn’t expect things to actually happen that way though.

You were currently in the kitchen, washing some dishes from dinner that you’d carelessly tossed in the sink previously. Spencer wasn’t home yet from a week long case so it’s not like there were too many dishes. You just hated washing them, especially when you get the horrible feeling of wet food touching your skin and making you want to pull your skin off due to the texture.

With music playing in the background, you didn’t manage to hear the sound of the front door open and close, signalling your roommate was back from a long, draining case. Toeing off his shoes by the door, Spencer followed the sound of soft music to the open kitchen, his arms slowly crossed as he leaned against the wall.

It had been three weeks since you discussed your deal and set things into place, his body tense with stress and mind focused on the mind numbing details of the case the team had just solved. He needed to get his mind off of work, so he was taking the plunge tonight. Since you’d both agreed to always be prepared, he felt comfortable coming behind you.

His hands on your hips had you jumping from surprise, just about to yell at the man behind you for scaring you whenever you were silenced by the feeling of his body pressed against yours from behind. “It’s been a long week.” He groaned softly, letting his head bury in the crook of your neck.

You were shocked to say the least. You never imagined Spencer to be the one to initiate anything. You weren’t complaining by any means. Your head was tilting slightly to the side as you could feel the feeling of his lips pressing wet kisses alongside your skin, nipping at your neck playfully along the way. “I’ve been thinking about you for days.” His voice was soft, his hips rocking against you, his hardened cock pressing against your ass while he showed you just how much he’d yearned to let the load of all this stress piling up on his shoulders go.

With his hands squeezing your hips, he wasn’t wasting much time as your sweatpants were being tugged down in one swift motion, pooling at your feet as he was briefly letting you go to fall to his knees behind you. Anticipation was building in your stomach, the mere idea of your roommate taking you in the middle of the kitchen had your arousal soaking through the fabric of your panties.

As you could feel his finger hooking into the damp material, he was opting to push your panties to the side while using his fingers to push the puffy lips of your desperate cunt apart, he let out a low groan at the slick glistening in the kitchen light. “You’re so wet. Fuck,” He breathed, tongue darting out to swipe over your throbbing clit.

The faint taste on his tongue had his hands gripping your thighs, gently nudging them apart as he was delving in.

The sinful sounds of slurping, sucking, and moans were filling the kitchen, your hands gripping the edges of the counter while Spencer was thrusting his tongue rhythmically in your leaking hole. His knowledge on the female anatomy worked out in your favor, the wet muscle eagerly lapping up the gushes of slick that you were graciously blessing him with.

He was intoxicated on your essence, his brain fogged with pleasure as he was drinking everything you had given him, drunk on your wet pussy.

As he was forcing himself to tear away, he was reduced to using the back of his hand to wipe away your wetness from his chin since he’d managed to get sloppier than he anticipated. You weren’t so satisfied with the loss of contact but he was definitely about to make it up to you. “God, I don’t know how I managed to control myself for so long.” He groaned, leaning forward once more to press a kiss to your clit before pushing himself to his feet.

Your head turned, eyes focused on his movements as Spencer was heading over to his satchel that he’d dropped on the table at some point after he came inside. “I asked Morgan how I initiated this and his advice was pretty helpful. He also made sure I was prepared.” He’d chuckled, retrieving a condom that was tucked away in one of the pockets.

His presence coming up behind you had your glossed over eyes focused on his face, making him chuckle as he was putting the condom wrapper in his mouth to hold it, hands working on his pants in order for him to tug them down, boxers sliding down his legs right along with them.

After tearing open the condom packaging, his right hand gave his cock a few lazy tugs before he was sliding the rubber along his shaft. With one hand on your hip and the other positioning his cock at your entrance, he didn’t waste time before sinking deep inside of your eager cunt. “Oh fuck.” You slurred, head tilting forward as you could feel the stretch from his thick cock breaching your inner walls.

You’d always suspected Spencer to be well endowed and you were more than happy to be proven right.

You felt his hips snap into yours, catching you by surprise as you let out a whine. “Feel good?” Spencer asked, his hands resting against your hips as he was continuing with the steady thrusts, your sensitivity causing you to feel every edge dragging across your plush walls, the curve of his cock making the head of his cock assault the spongy button deep inside of you that you yearned for him to continue slamming into.

“So good!” You squeaked out, feeling his arm wrap around your torso before his hand was now gripping at your throat, using his strength to tug your upper body to rest against his. He took pride in the effect he had on you, the way you were panting and whining from him pistoning your cunt, the way you had drool running down your chin from your mouth being agape, even the fucked out look in your eyes that made him want to burst right then and there. “Spencer!” You gasped, legs beginning to shake as you could feel the arousal pooling in your stomach, your body hot from the strenuous activity.

“Fuck, I know. I’m gonna cum too.” Spencer spoke in a deeper tone, sweat beading on his own forehead as his grip tightened on your throat. “Let it go, pretty girl. Fuck, cum on my cock.” He rasped into your ear, lips pressing a wet kiss to the spot underneath it.

The words were enough inspiration as your walls were tightening around his cock, inner walls spasming around his shaft and being the boiling point.

You were the first one to climax, your hand gripping at Spencer’s wrist as you could feel your legs turning to jello, thankfully being held up by Spencer to prevent you falling to the ground and breaking something. His thrusts were sloppy, however it only took a couple more before he was filling the condom with his own spend. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t want to fill you with his cum, however he also knew this had to be done smartly. You both were stressed enough as is, you couldn’t imagine adding a baby into the mix.

As he pulled himself out of your leaking hole, you were letting out a shaky breath. “Oh, my god. Who are you and what have you done with Spencer?” The question caused him to chuckle.

“Stressed out Spencer is a lot different than normal Spencer, huh?” He mused, making you nod.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

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gxhaode · 11 months

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Chapter 16

⋆｡°✩-resting bitch face(Written)

As you walked into the music classroom, a singular thought consumed your mind: the desperate urge to throw yourself out the nearest window. The previous night had been an arduous struggle, spending hours upon hours collaborating with Jay, only to hit an impenetrable wall. Normally, crafting lyrics came effortlessly to you, as you could whip up a demo in a matter of hours. But this time, inspiration had abandoned you, leaving you frustrated and resentful of your own creative shortcomings.To make matters worse, your perennial case of "resting bitch face" drew its fair share of attention as you entered the room. Numerous gazes fell upon you, including one from your brother, Hongjoong, who recognized the familiar expression all too well. Sensing your volatile state, he wisely refrained from uttering a word, knowing you were a ticking bomb in desperate need of defusing.

Before you could retreat to your usual secluded seat in the back corner, Hongjoong cleared his throat, seizing everyone's attention. "I've decided to assign seating," he announced, motioning to the names listed on the board. Today's unfortunate turn of events forced you to sit next to a complete stranger. Glancing at the board to locate your designated spot, your heart skipped a beat, a look of shock washing over your face. Hongjoong chuckled at your reaction, flashing a mischievous wink before urging everyone to find their seats.As you settled in beside Yeonjun, an inexplicable surge of anxiety coursed through your veins. Likewise, Yeonjun found himself mentally unraveling. How on earth did he end up seated next to the girl who supposedly despised him? He stole a fleeting glance in your direction, and a shiver ran down his spine. The sheer disdain etched across your features made it abundantly clear that you detested your new proximity—an unfortunate misconception, as your current mood had little to do with him and stemmed primarily from your fruitless all-nighter.

Once everyone had settled into their seats, Hongjoong resumed speaking. "The reason your teacher and I implemented assigned seating," he explained, "is because the person sitting next to you will be your partner for all future projects this year." As those words registered, a surge of gratitude overwhelmed you, an overwhelming desire to drop to your knees and express gratitude to whichever deity had finally taken pity on your plight, after years of yearning for Yeonjun's attention. In contrast, Yeonjun couldn't shake the feeling that he must have committed heinous acts in a past life to warrant such a cruel punishment. To say he feared your presence would be an understatement.Hongjoong pressed on, elaborating on the first project you and your partner would tackle: composing a melody and writing lyrics to be performed before the entire class in two weeks' time. Groans of protest reverberated through the room, but you and Yeonjun remained silent, still grappling with the jolting reality of your forced collaboration.

As the lesson segued into music theory, you dared not make a single movement, petrified that the slightest misstep or errant breath could tip the fragile balance between you and Yeonjun. Eventually, the class drew to a close, and students hurriedly filed out of the room. Left behind in the aftermath of awkwardness, you and Yeonjun locked eyes for the first time since taking your seats. Summoning courage, Yeonjun cleared his throat and timidly spoke, "Um, can I get your number?" The shock etched across your face seemed to jolt Yeonjun's mind into action as he hastily clarified, "FOR THE PROJECT—I mean, for coordination and planning, so we can meet and work together." Understanding his intent, you retrieved your phone, replying, "Yeah, give me a minute."Standing side by side, the air thick with awkwardness, both your faces burned with distinct emotions. After exchanging numbers, Yeonjun managed to stammer, "I'll text you later," before you hurriedly departed the classroom, leaving Yeonjun dumbfounded in your wake. Mentally berating himself, he wracked his brain, attempting to recall any transgressions he might have committed against you. Meanwhile, you made your way towards the cafeteria, desperately seeking solace and attempting to calm the relentless pounding of your heart.

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Taglist: @suzirumas @soobsfairy444 @hwaseyes @emohazuzworld @captivq @aestheticsluut @sserafimez @sohnfile @melodymyangel @run2seob @s00buwu @lixie-phoria @tocupid @samisubi @cookiehaos @mackjestic @sunnyglower @blamemef0rit @choijxn @vocaloshin @en-dream @l0ve-joy @a-l-i-y-a @mrowwww @axo-l0tl @n034sy

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alvadee · 2 months

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watched a moulin rouge (2001) youtube reaction today and they lost the woman when christian returns to the moulin rouge during the musical number to "pay his whore". she really addressed the audience saying that was a big red flag and he's actually an asshole, no one who actually loves someone would act that way and satine deserved better.

which.... is such a boring way to watch a movie?!?? 😭 like would she say this when we only had christians' POV? if the movie would portray satine as a cunning bitch who deceived our bright eyed and charming christian for weeks, made him fall in love with her and only then was like i AM a material girl and will chose the man you thought we both looked down upon??? she definitely would think him publicly humiliating her is totally appropriate for deceiving and hurting him that way if she was potrayed as villainous as she would have seemed from his pov (and yes he was dramatic about it but tbh he didn't even really humiliate her publicly because the audience doesn't know what the fuck is going on). also if he had been like "ok, she didn't choose me, but because i do love her i respect that and idk.. go home now" it would be a super anticlimactic ending. is jealousy a good trait for an irl partner, usually not at all, in fiction? yes, because it will drive the plot and usually reads more passionate that being totally rational all the time.

just who the fuck watches movies, especially MOULIN ROUGE!, for realism. i want passion, yearning, romance, desperation! fun! you know fun?

#i know i'm preaching to the chorus #but i really thought we had grown out of the phase where we had to say we don't condone problematic fictional things we consume #because that's stupid as fuck #alvadee's shit

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i-hatethisgoat · 9 months

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queen songs that give off major aziracrow

for all of ur ineffable playlist needs!

disclaimer: this post was definitely not written by the bentley

as a former queen obsessed teenager who discovered good omens through queen back in 2019, i've been hearing aziraphale and crowley in every other queen song i listen to. so, i might as well put it to good use. enjoy songs and lyrics that broke me.

(ps. i'm not including the songs used in the show or book, or anything super obvious, because i'm pretty sure no one needs me to explain why good old fashioned lover boy and love of my life are aziracrow)

long away (a day at the races, 1976)

snake eye theory bitches come get ur juice.

this song reminds me of crowley’s general angst and trauma. his complicated relationship with heaven, not believing in it as an institution, but marvelling at the beauty of the stars, of aziraphale.

other parts of the song also feel to me like someone overcoming the pain they experienced in the past, finding a better future. this is endgame for both of them.

dreamer's ball (jazz, 1978)

this is another crowley being sad song. it's about yearning for your lost love, going to sleep and dreaming of them.

the dancing comment is very 2x05, but the second chorus really conveys the desperate and intense love that aziracrow has.

i can't live with you (innuendo, 1991)

this is so miscommunication and codependency season 2 gave us. they are just falling apart without each other, but need to be separated to get over their shit. with a little dash of religious symbolism? i am obsessed.

the millionaire waltz (a day at the races, 1976)

the aziraphale vibes are off the charts in terms of instrumentals (and then brian may comes swooping in gloriously with his guitar). this song finds love and wealth in simple material things. human things, one might say. there's also references to dancing, holding hands, lovers in the rain, music, etc.

it also yearns for lost love, wishing a former lover to come back to them. this reads to me as aziraphale wishing for crowley to join him in heaven, where they can truly be happy together.

it also gives off very go-heaven vibes, being just slightly too upright and proper, almost to the point of being sinister.

my melancholy blues (news of the world, 1977)

this is just crowley post-every. (also crowley in the bar in 2x05.)

some day one day (queen ii, 1974)

a lot of this song's lyrics are hopeful. the first verse is about being heard, finally (the music being loud reminds me of the nightingale not being actually heard in 1x06). crowley is finally able to confess, but they still cannot be together. yet.

the final verse reflects on this concept. when they were younger ("young" means nothing to eternal beings but whatever), prefall and post-not-apocalypse, they were so close to being together. but still, they're not there yet.

but they will come home. south downs will happen. some day.

bonus: love me like there's no tomorrow by freddie mercury (mr. bad guy, 1985)

that feeling when you know you and your lover have drifted apart, but you try to fix it all by taking them in your arms and kissing them, even though you know deep down that you will never be loveable, but you still hold onto the hope that it might be enough.

that's all, hope you enjoyed!

here's my good omens playlist, if anyone is interested in listening:

(i know i said i wouldn't talk about songs that were in the show or book, but i want to give a particular shout out to it's a hard life.

also, for the record: goflb is crowley coded, and killer queen is aziraphale coded.)

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #queen band #freddie mercury #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable spouses #song recs #op is not the bentley i swear #op also totally remembered it was freddie's birthday today and that's absolutely why she's posting this now #Spotify

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auniverseforgotten · 1 month

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Starting out with a predictable character for the ship ask: how about any and/or all of your fave Salieri ships, go buck wild, get unhinged, feed the brainrot~ uwu

-cracks knuckles- it's time....so unless i hit some kinda post limit this is all gonna be one,,,fucking enormous post so when you hit that read more I JUST WANT YOU TO BE PREPARED there are like...five ships here LMAO

FIRST UP WE HAVE Mozart/Salieri, the first big brainrot I had for them thanks ENTIRELY TO YOU WOLFIE, who showed me these two before I even played fgo and went -will smith presenting hands- and now i am the same

So generally love this ship because holy/divine and what must end the holy/divine, so in love and in hate for them that they Cannot be normal, and then when i played through Russia...when I PLAYED THROUGH RUSSIA....god you can fit so much fucking yearning in this bitch

who’s the cuddler:

Gonna say both! Mozart very clearly enjoys attention and likes when all of it is on him. You know that bird meme, I do not like when we are not about me? yeah that's him that's Mozart who else would it be. So he's pressed up against Salieri as often as possible, which Salieri allows, but when he tries to get Spicy in public [like grabbing his ass-] he's gonna get pushed away like nope you're in timeout now.

And Salieri shocks everyone by being a cuddly, hugging person. Mozart about has a heart attack the first time it happens, he rolls up trying to be annoying like "Swee~eetiieeee~ can I have a huuu~uuuug~~" and then. Salieri hauls him in and hugs him and he blue screens. Salieri is def very touch starved, and while Mozart gets some platonic touching he kinda is too? Especially after Russia my god do not get me started on the mess these two are after Russia I have a WHOLE FIC IN THE WORK ABOUT IT IT IS 7,692 WORDS AND IT'S NOT EVEN HALF DONE HELP ME HELP ME-

Anyway if you [like I did] summon Salieri early through like Chaldea Boys and they got together pre lostbelt 1, Salieri would seem unusually affectionate because he Knows what happens, whereas Mozart is like "omg!! the affection i Deserve!! Finally!!" but then after...after Salieri seems desperately affectionate, like he's trying to hold Mozart together with touch and affection alone, and Mozart...well. That fic will be done eventually :) though I'm also not as nice in it LMAO so Mozart does NOT get what he's craving.

who makes the bed:

Salieri, I cannot stress enough how little Mozart cares about keeping spaces clean. He might? Keep his own desk clean so he knows where his compositions are, and the piano ofc is spotless, but aside from that- he would be living in garbage if Salieri didn't h a t e clutter and garbage. Called babe over for a date but now he's deepcleaning my room what do I do-

who wakes up first:

Multifacet answer. Usually Mozart, and then he'll cuddle up to Salieri and just...enjoy the softness. But also Saliei does not always go to sleep so sometimes Mozart will get up and oops babe clearly NEVER WENT TO BED time to fix that.

And then after Russia...thee are a lot more painful memories, after that. Mozart becomes the one who doesn't sleep, Salieri tries to reason, beg, bribe, coax him to sleep but...it's hard for him. The easiest way to get him to sleep is for Salieri to play the piano for him, which is actually good at helping Salieri process some of his internal shit too.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri has a wide musical palate but Mozart looks up the oddest word combinations he can think of to throw at Salieri. Unfortunately for Mozart this usually backfires and Salieri finds them interesting so now he has to listen to music he may or may not like-

who is more protective:

OH BOY

So everyone assumes it's Salieri, and don't get me wrong: he is MASSIVELY overprotective of Mozart. He starts out normal prior to them getting together, because he wants to kill Mozart sure but he will also kill anything that wants to kill Mozart because he fucking adores him okay? OKAY??? So riders especially, but also anyone who says something along the lines of "wow you're so annoying I wish Ritsuka would break ur contract" had better start running because he is COMING.

And then once they're together he gets. Much more protective because he is dealing with the Main in Grey but also now he isn't just Mozart he is Mozart his beloved partner. AND If we're operating in my AU w/Russia, man. MAN. HE IS. SO PROTECTIVE.

MEANWHILE Mozart is also really protective over Salieri as well. Physically he can't do much and honestly he's okay with that, he knows Salieri can handle that. But if he hears any rumor about Salieri that paints him in even a minorly negative light, he is Immediately deploying his informants [Shakespeare, child servants] to figure out who started it, who has been spreading it, and he will RAISE HELL. Also anyone who looks at their relationship and talks about the whole wanting to kill thing...that's his business, not theirs, and he'll make it known.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, though Salieri may be a little more hesitant to do so. But Mozart can usually convince him or competition him into doing it.

who cries during movies:

I feel like I could see Salieri tearing up about movies with a protagonist who, through no fault of their own OR through their own GOOD! intentions became evil/hated because god yeah it hits too close to home, but he doesn't full on cry.

Mozart meanwhile I think he has very funny reactions to movies. Tender but cheesy 'I love you' scene in a romance? Outright cackles. Sad death? Critically analyzing it lik e"okay but could that happen I mean-"

He's fun to watch movies with if you want to hear someone tear something to shreds. The only movies he doesn't do that with are ones Salieri gets like [above] about.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Okay listen. Salieri has objectively more expensive taste and may spend more, but Mozart historically canNOT handle his money so if he goes out on his own and 'steals' Saleriei's credit card the bill will not be as big as one of Salieri's but it's still like YOU SPENT $500 ON ONE DECORATIVE PLANT?? Alsoooo if he goes shopping without Salieri he inevitably calls him like heeey babe I accidentally <3 spent $1000 <3 I need money <3 <3 and without fail Salieri will come and bail him out.

Yes some other servants joke about Mozart being his sugar baby and Mozart finds this HILARIOUS but he tells Salieri and he has a massive fucking spiral that scares the shit out of Mozart and he never repeats it again.

[The spiral is because sugaring is often cast in a more predatory/taking advantage of light, and he...cannot handle that.]

who kisses more roughly:

So I fully think it's Salieri because he is a BITEY MOTHERFUCKER however I do also think he has so much general guilt and religious shame [yoinking from raised as a christian LMAO] about things like physical affection and what is and isn't 'right' affection, so like Mozart. Has to haul it out of him. Luckily he enjoys this process very very much <3 and then once it IS out my god,,,the bitemarks,,,love is the teeth and the neck willingly given INDEED

who is more domineering:

Kinda thinking Mozart mostly because we have seen him twist situations around to solely suit himself, and I can see him doing the same here. Salieri might be Physically more domineering once it's hauled out but overall,,,Mozart.

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

I will never be normal again/10

OKAY and we're at the first of the polyships, Mozart/Marie/Salieri! This one is, once again, all your fault Wolfie <3 but while I'm kinda meh about the whole "oh Marie makes Salieri docile" I also think Marie deserves a harem <3 <3 so really the ship we're DISCUSSING is this one but Marie also has d'Eon and Sanson as well, she's the center of a huge polycule do you see my vision do you understand me

ANYWAY while a lot of people in Chaldea think this is a "oh Marie and her two silly boys" or "Mozart and Salieri want to be together but have to have Marie buffer" that is not the case! They both just really deeply adore her, and Marie adores them too. My answers will prob be shorter here bcus adding Marie doesn't really change the overall dynamic a ton.

who’s the cuddler:

Once again, all of them!! Salieri is a surprisingly huggy, touchy person, and Mozart wants all attention always. BUT Mozart does put aside literally all his selfishness for Marie, so he is a little more mellower about that in this ship. Though he does sorta get like...touchy about Salieri like why aren't you giving Maria all the attention in the world and he has to sit him down like Mozart I love you but you do not tell me how to love people

AND MARIE HERSELF. SHE LOVES EVERYONE SO MUCH ALWAYS. ALL THE HUGS ALL THE KISSES ALL THE LOVE. She is never without a person on her arm, the person just changes XD

who makes the bed:

Still Salieri, Mozart dgaf even with Marie and while I think Marie would I also...don't think she would do it Right because lbr irl Marie Antoinette was incredibly privileged and she 110% had servants for things like this and while Salieri appreciates her trying to do chores I feel like she just makes it worse on accident sdzfgh

who wakes up first:

Toss up between Salieri or Mozart, esp after Russia [AND OH MAN IS THAT HARD FOR MARIE esp if they're together before and then after...both of her partners have just irrevocably changed and no one will tell her WHY or how she can HELP], Marie is def a sleep until noon person if she manages it.

who has the weird taste in music:

Salieri still has a wide palate, Mozart still looks up what he thinks is the weirdest stuff possible, but Marie goes through so many idol phases. Like you know how a lot of pop groups will start all soft and sweet and then just. Evolve? Marie starts wanting all these soft songs so ofc they write them for her but then she'll be like "okay this week i'm bad!! >:3 fuck!!! >>:3 i'm so sorry for swearing-" and they'll switch up her idol vibe.

who is more protective:

Salieri is the most physically protective. His level of protectiveness over Mozart doesn't change, but he becomes very protective over Marie as well. After dating her he has to take time to like. Think about Sanson and rationalize that because you KILLED HER but also Marie loves him too so it takes time for him. To relax around him. But he does! He'll still throw anyone into a wall who insults either of them though.

Mozart is still fiercely protective over Salieri but also with Marie...he knows she can somewhat defend herself, but she's not as adept at it as Salieri is so he gets Physically protective over her too. Has started fights he has no hope of winning and either wakes up in the infirmary or one of Marie's other partners rolls up to back him [if it's Salieri we get a nice -gently bandaging him- "what the FUCK is your problem you can't keep DOING this-"]

AND MARIE. Marie...was a queen. Marie...knows the power that lies in words and regal bearing. Someone will call Salieri a mindless death machine, or Mozart a useless layabout, and then Marie will go and have tea with the kings and queens and mention it in the most "oh bless their hearts" way and then that person...is so unbelievably fucked.

who sings in the shower:

Marie is the most enthusiastic about it!! Since she wants to be an idol she is Always singing, and shower acoustics are scientifically proven to be so good for certain notes and when you find those notes it's very cool so she'll be singing in the shower f o r e v e r

who cries during movies:

Marie all the way she will be BAWLING in animal movies, romance, romcoms, animated movies, music movies, she is SO EMOTIONAL AND SO MOVED she loves everyone and she just has to show her emotion through TEARS

Salieri actually doesn't watch movies much with her because of it because it upsets him/the Man in Grey to the point where he wants to attack someone to make her feel better but it's not That kind of tears so he has to just not be in the situation

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri still spends the most in terms of Amount, though he only ever spends his own money. But given Mozart in life and. The sheer fucking excess french royalty enjoyed. Yeah he's footing the bill for both of them LMAO the sugar daddy comments do NOT stop and they really eat at him so Marie puts her foot down hard and tells anyone that if she hears them again she'll make their life a living hell and then leave like "if you tell anyone no one will ever believe yooouuu~ <3"

who kisses more roughly:

Salieri and Mozart retain their same level of roughness with each other but are all but worshipful with Marie, she is a Queen, their Queen, and they just. Can't. And honestly I don't really see Marie enjoying roughness that much?? So she's fine with it, though she makes sure to reassure them that it's valid and what they do with each other is fully okay w her, she's not Against roughness just doesn't love it herself.

who is more domineering:

Again not really Marie's thing but she also doesn't mind when her other lovers get domineering with each other. IF she was into it though she does have. Literally everyone wrapped around her fingers so <3

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

Iiii'd say about a 6.5/10? It's still a good ship but also Marie just isn't very developed? But given we do have Marie alter now I imagine I'll reconsider once she's out in NA.

AAAAND SECOND POLYSHIP, Salieri/Jalter/Dantes, which I first got into shipping when I saw this art by Sabu a while back: clicky, and they've just been marinating in my brain since?

Like it's both because I love all of them but also I think having each other...would mellow them out [but not change their characters lmao] and also avengers,,,,loving avengers,,,,gotta be my fave dynamic

who’s the cuddler:

Here it's deeeefinitely Salieri. While Dantes is. So absolutely 100% touchstarved once he's got physical affection I'm not sure how much he vibes with it? Like at first it's like. Wow I wanted this forever...but stop touching me right now please. And he adjusts but he's still not super touchy?? At least imo. But he's 100% okay to be cuddled unless it gets to be too much, in which case he explains that and the others back off. He does enjoy throwing his arm around their shoulders or having a hand on their hip, just full on cuddles can be overwhelming.

And Jalter...Jalter is SO touch starved but she also REALLY WANTS physical affection but she cannot ask for it, she can't, ask for physical affection??? No thanks she'll go die instead. But Salieri will so easily hug her or keep an arm around her waist the whole time he's with her and she is DYING of happiness inside.

And ofc they reciprocate too

BUT ALSO it's fun to imagine the relationship as Jalter and Dantes being together already and then they're like "we like your funny music, magic musicman" and then they have this really affectionate Italian and are both just ??? !!!! about it because he is so physically affectionate when he looks like THAT [mentally death warmed over but in a crappy microwave]

ALSO HE INSISTS ON DANCING WITH THEM AFTER JALTER MENTIONS WANTING TO DANCE W RITSUKA IN SHINJUKU Jalter comes in the room and it's set up as a fucking ballroom because Salieri is so fucking extra god I love them

who makes the bed:

Salieri, Jalter and Dantes could not care less, truly. They do tend to keep things cleaner though because they can tell it's something that bothers him. Especially Dantes leaving ash everywhere my god he got some on Salieri's suit on accident once and the sheer DREAD he felt- [Salieri waved it off like it was nothing but given Salieri's general attitude that doesn't mean it's OKAY]

who wakes up first:

I'm gonna say it's usually Dantes but if Salieri stays up all night making music or dealing with the demons then it's both of them. Not sure if he'd stay in bed to cuddle or just slip away to leave Salieri and Jalter in peace and go do whatever. Making sure Ritsuka's still on the same plane of existence, probably.

Jalter sleeps in until like 5pm if you let her LMAO

who has the weird taste in music:

I feel likt Jalter, we saw her Edge in her summer berserker form, she just knows the most random bands. Salieri, like always, retains a wide music palate, and I feel like Dantes sticks to one or two favorite genres.

who is more protective:

As remains the answer for. Literally every ship I do this for. THEY ALL ARE WAHOO!! ARE WE SEEING THE PATTERN YET???

So while Salieri is seen as the most physically protective one in the above two relationships, being with two of the most Avengey Avengers definitely makes him seem. A lot more chill. He'll still fuck someone up don't get me wrong but he does come off as much more calm and reasonable.

Jalter is loudly protective and puts most of her energy into being scary af so that no one even dares Try anything with either of her partners. She would kill and die for them [and they would for her] and anyone who tests that is getting stabbed and set on fire.

BUT DANTES TOPS THEM BOTH w showing up in a servant's mindscape or cornering them in a dark alley or abandoned part of Chaldea and telling them in excruciating detail what will happen to them should they so much as make either of his partners even Slightly upset. [yes he did have a confrontation like this with Mozart because Mozart = stressed and angry Salieri but luckily Mozart being an antagonistic bitch [affectionate] by nature he just brushed it off and Salieri had a Long talk w Dantes about their whole weird besties to mortal enemies to besties dynamic]

And in battle never have them on the same team because while they will be FIERCE they will also abandon all other duties to protect each other any day of the weak.

who sings in the shower:

Salieri and Jalter, though I think Salieri is better at it than Jalter is. Dantes could never.

who cries during movies:

Jalter and she hates it and threatens her boyfriends that if they tell anyone she will Grondement du Haine them SO HARD but it's all in good fun.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri all the waaaaay I can't see Dantes really spending a lot of money and while Jalter likes fancy shit she also...obviously doesn't always go for it -glances at the shinjuku dress- but Salieri my god this man can SHOP

And it's not just for himself either, he'll roll up for so many dresses for Jalter and smaller things for Dantes at first so that he can adjust to the spoiling before buying more and more. They're both a little worried about it but he's shown them the receipts and somehow he just. Has money??? Where are you getting it Salieri??? Where is the money????

[I feel like any time they're in a singularity/event/thing for long enough to get a job Salieri will just. Rayshift in and get one to alleviate the boredom LMAO so he has so much money bcus he has a million side hustles]

who kisses more roughly:

Definitely a playful competition here though while Dantes and Jalter I feel wouldn't care as much about PDA Salieri reeeeaaally does so when they're trying to get him in on the aggressive kissing they need to be in their room or no go.

who is more domineering:

Mmmm tossup between Jalter and Dantes, I just know it isn't Salieri. He's just too chill deep down when not exposed to Mozart, he just wants to fuckin live lmao

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

11/10 I will never recover from this one either

ALRIGHT NEXT UP one that my brain surprised me with but does? Seem to be something of a ship, Salieri/Hessian. Another Avenger ship why am I the way I am

ANYWAY My favorite thing about them is Lobo definitely got them together, this music man who has piano that resonates with his grief and anger rolls up and wow...this music nice...and since he and Hessian share a braincell, Hessian can't hide from Lobo the fact that he likes Salieri. So Lobo, being a good wingman, keeps dragging Hessian to Salieri LMAO and it is actually Salieri who reaches out in the end. Lobo is Pleased that the music servant belongs to his rider/pet [does this go against Lobo lore yes do I care no]

Also Salieri learns sign to communicate w Hessian bcus he LOVES HIM and it's also an IMPORTANT SKILL TO HAVE admittedly I'm not sure which they would use....Chaldea is in Antarctica,,,Hessian was German but was deployed to the US,,,,confusing to decide which! there is international sign but it's more of a pidgin sign language so yeah....hmm

who’s the cuddler:

So I can't really see Hessian as even considering being cuddled until he is and then he's just !!!! wow this is great actually!!! He's been so focused on Lobo getting back his freedom for so long that he just...put literally every single thing aside for him. Didn't consider his own happiness or loneliness or anything, he just...wanted Lobo to be free. So now in Chaldea when Lobo is trying to encourage him to accept Anything for himself [not lobo lore compliant BUT I SAY PUBBY IS GOOD AND LOVES HIS PET], and when Hessian lets himself just. Accept affection from Salieri. He loves it. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands, hand klisses, shoulder kisses, etc just. Love.

AND SALIERI REMAINS CUDDLE CHAMPION OKAY THIS MAN IS MADE OF RAGE AND LOVE AND DAMN IT ALL HE WILL HUG PEOPLE but also once he realizes how little Hessian ever got physical affection he becomes Much more PDA accepting, since it's still 'polite' PDA. Also this man will sleep on Lobo he loves having a big ol pupper so much and Lobo loves his new pet too.

who makes the bed:

You cannot tell me Hessian doesn't rest curled up on Lobo I won't believe you so Salieri by virtue of him actually Owning a bed.

who wakes up first:

I don't...know that Hessian actually Sleeps. Like rest and recover sure but does he really need to sleep with no head and with magic that is definitely tied to Lobo? Anyway he doesn't sleep so him but also Salieri on his bad nights.

who has the weird taste in music:

Hessian loves exploring ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he is learning to live again and Salieri is so happy to encourage him and find new music for him to listen to. When he's not too murderous around Mozart he asks him for recommendations too which Mozart takes SO seriously because Salieri!! Asking him for something!!! ASKING!!!! HIM!!!!!!

Lobo will eat the stereo if it annoys him though they've lost five by now

who is more protective:

Another both option but with an added "do not fuck with Salieri or the giant fucking murder dog will come and chew your face off"

Salieri tends to be protective because I feel like Hessian and Lobo are seen as signs of misfortune and the like and he loves them both so much so um fuck off actually

Hessian is really good at noticing when Salieri is getting overwhelmed or drowning in self loathing so he is A LOT more protective during those times.

And do not...set off...the phantasmal puppy...

who sings in the shower:

I don't. Think Hessian can sing. So Salieri for that one!

who cries during movies:

Hessian [if he can't sing how can he cry IT'S ABOUT VIBES] any time it's a movie that reminds him of what Lobo has gone through or is about dog peril. He breaks.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Bold of you to assume Hessian even has any idea on shopping at all he does not give a fuck so it's Salieri again and once again spoiling with gifts!!!! But most of the gifts are for Lobo because he's A GOOD BOY

who kisses more roughly:

So Hessian is kinda out bcus he doesn't have lips but also I think this is one of the softer Salieri pairings, formed out of a ghost puppy being a wingman and a shared love for music. So it's all gentle kisses from Salieri too, just...soft...

ig Lobo's big ol wolf tongue kisses are probably aggressive but in an excited dog way not a painful way,,,

who is more domineering:

Again not super applicable here!!!

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

8/10 sweet ship to think about I enjoy it but as is clearly shown my favorite part of it is that Salieri gets An Dog

And now we have reached...the final ship that honestly came at me with a steel chair fr I did not see this one coming I made one small comment about FRIENDSHIP and then my brain went OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT Salieri/Phantom as a ship AND HERE WE ARE

So this one...hinges a lot on opera,,,opera,,,friendship,,,but then they really are similar honestly? Salieri is an innocent monster via rumors and slander whereas Phantom is canonically an innocent monster due to him just playing a part that society assigned to him. I feel...like they could really bond over the crushing weight of what society has created them to be. And yeah I know the Phantom of the Opera is different than Salieri but the Phantom of the Opera in FATE differs from the one in the book, he's just the 'model' for it.

AND THIS ONE IS ALSO REALLY FUN BECAUSE. Due to Phantom's reputation literally EVERYONE is worried about it. Like given all they have is the og story: Phantom GROOMED someone, KIDNAPPED them, tried to keep them FOREVER, did a LOT OF MURDER etc so like. Erik is not that at all but everyone is constantly just like Salieri,,,are you sure this is a good idea,,,and Salieri is like sorry are you shittalking my partner right now? -wildfire blade held menacingly-

who’s the cuddler:

Salieri ONCE AGAIN but this time I feel like it's a little related to Erik so used to people interpreting him as an exact copy of the Phantom of the Opera and thus he's internalized himself loving others to be evil and grotesque. It takes Salieri a lot of time and patience to gently coax Erik into accepting physical affection from him, and it starts very very small, holding hands alone, gently tucking his hair behind his ear also alone, jsut...slowly acclimating him to touch. And even then Erik. Cannot handle PDA, cannot handle feeling like people are looking at him so Salieri willingly keeps Everything to the bedroom but also makes sure people know because he loves his partner and also because cmon Erik has to get jealous af sdfgh

who makes the bed:

Salieri continues to be the Only Chore Doer and makes the bed. Tbf I feel like making the bed w/claw hands would be really hard, at least Salieri can put his away.

who wakes up first:

Bold of you to assume either of these crumbling messes sleep. If other ships gently encourage Salieri to sleep, Erik ship is just them constantly in the hell that is their minds, sleep deprived and kept awake due to nightmares. They may Occasionally sleep but it's. Really rare. The avengers are thiiiis close to staging an intervention as Salieri's eyebags become entire eyesuitcases

who has the weird taste in music:

OPERA OR...NOPERA BAYBEE there is no ROOM for any other NOISE only OPERA MAY EXIST HERE or whatever Salieri feels like playing because that will Become opera once Erik starts singing to it <3

who is more protective:

Alright so the answer as usual is both! For Salieri a lot of it is challenging people who call his relationship into question. It doesn't matter that it's usually out of concern for him, he and Erik are Fine and actually help each other cope a lot with being innocent monsters, so it drives him up the wall when people fling accusations at Erik.

BUT ERIK IS WHERE IT GETS FUN :D because like. Kinda playing off the way he has been in summer events several times now where he just...slips through cracks in reality...plays the game beyond the universe...he's very protective of Salieri on multiple levels. This can be very handy for a less "must protecc all servants" master because. They could throw Salieri into any tense situation and Phantom would follow, find out all the background info and who is doing what, and relay it all to Salieri to try and protect him.

But. Salieri tries not to get put in situations where Erik's protectiviness will Really shine through. Because while he is the model for the Phantom and not he actual Phantom, when he decides someone is an actual threat to Salieir...that's it, game over. Like they are going to fucking die as soon as he can feasibly do it. There''s no threats, no promises, you hurt or threaten Salieri to a degree Erik decides is dangerous? You're dead, do not pass go, do not collect $200. He's an assassin for a reason. Yes he has dropped a chandelier on someone before, yes they did go to couples counseling about it.

In battle though they don't really act too protective because they both know the other can handle themselves.

who sings in the shower:

Both of them, it turns into a full on opera in their quarters, sometimes servants will sit outside to listen. This is very embarrassing to Salieri.

who cries during movies:

Neither of them. While Salieri gets emotional with a certain kind of movie [mentioned,,,in one of the above ones, maybe Mozart?], he doesn't actually cry, and Erik just doesn't get moved by movies.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Salieri, I don't think Erik likes to go out much? So he'll buy fancy clothes and nice food and wonderful wine and bring it back for a nice date in <3

who kisses more roughly:

BOTH YAHOO both very possessive of each other, both really get into kissing though Salieri is bitier than Erik. But I mean Erik leaves clawmarks so <3

who is more domineering:

Switches between them tbh

my rating of the ship from 1-10:

My brain latched onto this ship yesterday and I am so fucking feral about it/10

NOW I THINK TRULY THE ONLY WAY TO END THIS. IS TO CONSIDER. What if Salieri dated all of them at once because it's HILARIOUS LMAO

Mozart and Erik would HATE each other because they both want the Most attention, Marie would remind Jalter too much of Jeanne d'Arc, Dantes would see Erik as a threat [everyone would until Salieri would sit them all down and be like YOU LISTEN OR WE'RE DONE] the onyl chill one is Hessian and Andersen hears all about all of it from Salieri and dies laughing every fucking time

They would be such a chaotic mess and the only way they would work is if Salieri had an absolute breakdown in the middle of all of it and they're all like OH GOD I HURT MY BAE so they sit down to discuss it as Adults AND EVEN THEN IT WOULD STILL BE A CLUSTERFUCK LMAO Salieri sitting there like "I know I wanted someone to love BUT THIS IS TOO MANY ALL AT ONCE" which is why i don't really ship them in a polycule this big [they'd be metamours save for the poly ships] BUT IT'S FUNNY TO THINK ABOUT THEM ALL TRYING

Holy fuck this got so long THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK WOLFIE I HOPE IT FEEDS YOU WELL ask meme here

#solar screams #solar writes #THANKS WOLFIE #ask games #fgo #salieri #mozart #saliama #mozieri #jalter #dantes #avenger agenda #marie #hessian #phantom

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lucacangettathisass · 1 year

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@tybaltsjuliet tagged me to share four favourite albums!

Electra Heart by MARINA (at the time Marina And The Diamonds)

'Changed my brain chemistry' as the kids say these days. The combo of the There's Something Dangerous About The Boredom Of Teenage Girls vibes with pop really got me. I first listened to it during what was probably the high point (low point?) of my (then undiagnosed) depression. Teen Idle, Valley Of The Dolls, and Primadonna were on constant repeat, make of that what you will. Special mention to Bubblegum Bitch because of course. This album was/is undoubtedly my Joker and I truly do think it, in part, made me who I am today. Shout out to the time I wanted a heart beauty mark tattoo to match the Electra Heart heart beauty mark.

Born To Die by Lana Del Rey

If you were an afab teen when this came out you almost definitely listened to this album, doubly so if you were mentally ill, tripley (is that a word?) so if you were into old Hollywood, and quadraply (not sure if that's a word either) so if you proclaimed older men were your type. I was all four, so, naturally, Lana became my saviour. Off To The Races, Diet Mountain Dew, and National Anthem were songs I desperately wanted to live in, for better or worse, and I yearned to be as cool and apathetic and desired as the girls in the songs. Video Games didn't hit as hard for me at first, but i would grow to love that one, too, same with Summertime Sadness. And, perhaps predictably, Lolita wormed its way into my psyche almost immediately. The fact that this album and Electra Heart came into my life around the same time really did a number on me.

Cry Baby by Melanie Martinez

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You were deeply mentally ill as a teen and sought escapism via pop music with Problematic Themes.

Sue me. At the time, I hadn't heard anyone who sounded like Melanie, so I was intrigued and fell down the rabbit hole. Pity Party hit me the hardest as I found it difficult to socialise with my peers, and still do (thanks late diagnosed autism), so this one felt Deeply Personal. Tag, You’re It and Milk And Cookies are also favourites due to the storytelling and atmosphere. Carousel also deserves a special mention for the same reasons, but I feel the other two do it just a bit better.

Lemonade by Beyonce

Look, we all remember where we were when this dropped. I especially remember how bad I felt for her, hearing the pain Jay Z put her through (which is why I find it insane she took him back, but that's neither here nor there). Hold Up remains incredible, from the instruments to the video to the dress (I need it in my life), and the spoken word at the beginning, but if I had to choose a favourite track, it's probably Daddy Lessons. Afab persons with complicated relationships with their fathers rise up. Love Drought and Freedom are both tied for a very close second. And of course, Sorry deserves a mention purely for the level of anger in it. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when Jay first heard this album.

Special mentions:

Traumazine by Megan Thee Stallion (Her, Scary ft. Rico Nasty, and Plan B)

Hot Pink by Doja Cat (Cyber Sex, Say So, and Like That)

Planet Her by Doja Cat (Woman, Get Into It (Yuh), and Kiss Me More ft. SZA)

CTRL by SZA (Supermodel, Drew Barrymore, Prom, The Weekend, and Normal Girl)

SOS by SZA (Kill Bill, F2F, and Gone Girl)

i'm tagging @blckbrdlove @romantichomicide95 and @lovereren

#tagged in

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acaixadonada · 3 months

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I finally figured out what was missing: Forgiveness.

I spent my whole life beating myself up for "being who I am", for hating myself to the point of not accepting who I truly am instead of embracing the real me. Hate me was all I could do.. I couldn't see my value and what I am worth.

I do regret my big shitty mistakes but I believe I have finally evolved past 'em: I finally learned how to be grateful for it. If it weren't for these mistakes I wouldn't have grown, I wouldn't have realized how much inner work I must do, I wouldn't have remembered who I am, what I am, and where I want to be. I am learning day by day what empathy truly means... and so on. Today I finally figured out what I truly need, and was desperately yearning for: To forgive myself. I am young, dumb maybe... You can't grow wiser unless you live and make mistakes. The only thing I would change in this... jorney was that I hurt people who truly loved me. Today I can see that... I can see how much loved I was already but couldn't see. That is the only thing I would go back to the past to change to: the people I have hurt.

I am grateful for the oportunities God has been giving me to reconcile with them, and.. apologize for the things I have said and done. Since I started to ''open my eyes'' and started to see things clearly it did hurt for a moment, I had no idea how toxic I was... but I do know the hurt I was feeling was nothing in comparison to what I have made them feel. Reconheço isso. When I started to think things through, pray and fast for forgiveness and also to be a better woman, a forgiving woman, He has helped me to meet these people one by one individually, and... in such oportunities where I could aproach them and talk about it. I am, I was, so grateful for that! God's been helping me along the way.. well, I have finally been able to step outside of my pride and make pieces with a dear friend, to whom I love very much and... the way I walked out of the company a couple of months ago I build a wall SO high I was unable to reach her and... ask her to forgive me. There's still another woman that I admired as a mother, truly, to whom I have been such a bitch... and I want to apologize to her but I'm afraid it's too late. I cannot reach her... she's no longer working in there, but I do have faith He's going to help me to find her and apologize just like He did with these lovely people who came to my life and I did wrong. And of course, there's Luke. I wish I could tell him looking in his eye how sorry I am for the way I treated him. There is no trauma in the world that explains and justify it. It's my responsibility, not my trauma's fault. It was my fault. My flaw. Eu sou uma mulher que honra as calças e as saias que veste. Não tenho problema nenhum em admitir meus erros e pedir perdão. Eu tenho ovários bem grandes para isso. Damn.. I need to get this off of my chest in order to keep moving forward with my life.

When I woke up today all I could do (finally) was cry and pray. I put on a music that suddenly came to my mind and... I felt it in my heart with God's help how much I need to forgive myself for my past ignorance and lack of maturity. When it comes to forgiveness I understood I need God's and my own. I'm trying to move forward and... foccus on being my best version but I'm dweling on the past still, beating myself up for things I did not know then, but luckily I do know better now. Is never too late to learn.

Trust is a sensitive matter; you can't get it back once you lose trust in someone. Speacially when a woman behaves the way I did, and treat someone the way I did. Even if I told Luke directly how much he meant to me, I know he would never believe me, and he's right. He could and he would never bring himself to forgive me and I respect that. I understand. Now, analyzing it all from a diferent perspective I get it. Words prove nothing, actions do.

I know how much I regret it, I know I would never do any of this again but... words huh!? How would he know my regret is real? How can he know I wouldn't behave in such an idiotic way ever again? He can't. Words are just words. Perhaps I'll be able to let him go finally once I forgive myself. Maybe that's all I need. When I say and write I want him to be happy with or without me, I'm not saying it to put me in a good light to hide my true colors. I mean it. If I didn't I wouldn't have left because I realized how toxic, desagreeable and inconvenient I was being. That's what you do when you love someone: you just want them to be happy as much as you want to be happy.

When I finally forgive myself and look into my past behavior and actions as reflections of my lack of maturity, a way for me to learn and grow as a woman, a better woman, without beating myself up, being more compassionate and understanding towards myself, that will be the day I'll be able to hold my head up, be humble and look him into his eyes and say I am sorry (without feeling embarassed to even look at him). Without being so critical towards who I was.

I finally understand what was holding me back all this time: I need to forgive myself so I can move on.

I know that coleague of mine will forgive me. She's a good hearted woman, but when it comes to Luke I have no expectations. He's got a big heart, he's a great guy but I do understand where he comes from and I know how hard it is for him to trust someone... Well, people doesn't have to forgive me anyhow. I have trust issues of my own so I should have known better.. I know, I have faith that when time's right God's going to help me to meet him in person so I can make a real apology and... move forward. God's been so good to me and has been helping me when it comes to make amends with people who I'm fond of, by placing me and these people at the same place, same time, with no one around so I can fix things.. I'm pretty sure God's not going to turn away from me when it comes to apologizing to Luke.

It doesn't matter to me anymore what truly happened. I know the mistakes I have made and the things I have said out of whatever it is that was triggering me and I'm taking full accountability for it. That's what matters.

I just want to revise the past and keep on moving forward... I want to foccus on what I want from my future. And I know i'm finally breaking free from all of this shit show and manifesting better things for me. From a couple of days up until now I'm feeling the shift and seeing the changes. It is all a matter of time.

Once you're honest and you're willing to change, take accountability for your actions and make things diferent the universe, God, they're good to you too.

Today I'm grateful for the challenges, for these mistakes: they brought me the awareness I needed in order to start major changes in my life, to get to know myself, to own up who I am and my mistakes, for growing.

Challenges are big oportunities in disguise. I have faith tomorrow will be better ♥

Love, x

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mik0rin · 2 years

Text

the luvrs club ❥ pothos

pothos: the god of yearning and desire. the passionate longing between lovers, especially when one is unattainable.

“they say distance makes the heart grow fonder but i don’t know how much “fonder” my heart can get. i want to see you, hold you, and feel your skin against mine. why can’t we close the distance and love each other face to face.”

timeskip!iwaizumi x college!black fem reader genre: angst with a happy ending, argument warnings: cursing, insults, mentions of mental health/insecurity word count: 6,975

playlist: spotify apple music

m.list next host

14 hours, 26 minutes, and 16 seconds…. 17…. 18,

And not a single notification from your boyfriend. You stare at your phone, waiting and silently wishing just one text would pop up. Even the three dots indicating that he was typing would satisfy you but there was nothing there. By now you should be accustomed to the lack of communication but the reason for the radio silence is what bothers you.

An aggravated sigh escapes your mouth and you get up from your position on the couch, abandoning your phone in the living room as you walk to your kitchen. You begin opening all your cabinets in search of something to soothe the festering irritation in your chest.

And like an added soundtrack to your life, there’s a tiny voice, one so small- so quiet urging, begging you to go back to your phone and text him. The voice is very persuasive, you cannot deny, as it lists off reasons as to why you should be the one to reach out first. You ignore the whisper, muting it because it can’t always be you.

A relationship requires the continuous effort of two people and your heart could no longer bear the strain of double work.

“I’m not texting him, fuck all that” You huff as you grab a bottle of juice.

Soft footsteps thud against the hardwood floor as you trudge back to the comfort of your couch. You pick up your phone again, ignoring the empty notification center and scroll through multiple delivery apps.

The juice has done nothing to pacify the hurt spreading throughout your body like a never ending flame. You need something else to distract you because soon your thoughts will be gasoline to the wildfire of pain.

After ordering from your favorite restaurant you switch your attention to the TV, hoping the background noise from whatever you choose would aid in the distraction you so desperately seek. But as you browse through countless anime, Netflix originals, and Disney movies, nothing interests you or rather everything seems to pale in comparison to the situation at hand.

You shut the TV off and opt to sit in silence, staring at the ceiling and listening to the white noise that fills your apartment.

It works, for a while.

Until the quiet is too quiet. Until the steady tick of the clock is growing louder by the second and its echoes in your brain, almost like an insult that still stings your heart years later. Why did you think this was a good idea? Why would you give yourself the opportunity to be alone with your thoughts when that has only destroyed you multiple times before?

“This is driving me crazy. I have to do something.” You groan, sitting up abruptly. You grab your phone from its spot on the coffee table, once again ignoring the lack of notifications from one Iwaizumi Hajime and calling someone who would listen to all your troubles.

If you couldn’t be alone with your thoughts then what’s the harm in sharing them with someone else?

Five rings pass before you hear the click that tells you the other person has finally picked up. There’s something resembling a sigh coming from the other end and you take it as a greeting and a sign to start running your mouth.

“Kunimi, your friend is a whole bitch and I hope you know that.”

“Well, happy holidays to you too and I’m good thanks for asking.” Kunimi replies sarcastically, completely unfazed by your words.

“Yea, hello or whatever. But can you believe this man hasn’t contacted me in the last-” You glance at the time before continuing, “-14 hours and 36 minutes?”

“You’ve been keeping count?” His voice is steady and level as usual but with the years of friendship between the two of you there’s no way you would miss the shock lurking in between his words.

Your voice wavers as you bite back tears.

“Yeah… This is a new record for him. And at this point I can’t figure out if I’m really hurt or just over it all. I never thought he would treat me like this.”

The small sniffle and brokenhearted look you wear is all it takes for Kunimi to understand that whatever has transpired in the past 14 hours has truly hurt you. And the brown-haired boy might not be the greatest at comfort but for his best friend, he would do all he could.

“What should I do, Ki?” You mumble out.

His voice softens as he speaks.

“First you have to tell me what happened. I can’t help you if I don't know.”

“Okay well remember how I said Iwa’s been distant lately? That’s where it all started.”

Time, the most precious element in a long distance relationship. Everything depends on time, whether it be time zones or figuring out how much sleep you can sacrifice to talk to your beloved. And if the one in your heart truly means that much to you, you would scrap up minutes and seconds to hear a warm hello.

Your relationship with Iwaizumi certainly began that way. The hours long facetimes and constant texts. Voice messages and random photos sent throughout the day used to fill the void of physical contact. And staying up late to wish the other good morning before you lay your head down to rest. All of it was enough to keep your heart beating even when you were 5,471 miles apart.

However, the normal hours-long facetimes become simple texts and missed calls. It turns into short two word answers and noncommittal hums in response. All you start to hear from Iwaizumi is “Sorry, I’m busy” and “I’ll call you back later.”

Those were lies and empty promises of course and as time went on they only got worse. Sometimes you would go days without nothing more than a “hello” and when you pressed for more, it only resulted in disappointment. You tried not to read too much into it, blaming it on school and environment. You began telling yourself you shouldn’t expect so much, that you were being unreasonable and clingy. Hajime had so much to worry about, especially being so far from the only home he’s known and his distant behavior wasn’t a reflection of how he felt about you.

That’s until he began posting more often and updating his story, something which he never cared about before. You saw him hanging out with friends and going on weekend trips. He was laughing and smiling, a sight you haven’t seen in weeks. You want to be happy for him but you can’t, you can’t because you couldn’t fight off the feeling of being ignored, of being forgotten, and disregarded.

And if that wasn’t enough, that’s when you start seeing her. You didn't know who she was, maybe a classmate or coworker but she’s plastered everywhere like annoying billboards outside apartment windows. She begins showing up in his videos, in his posts, and comments. You didn’t miss the way her arm would drape over his shoulders or her lingering looks full of some emotion you can’t quite place.

When you ask Hajime about her you make sure it's casual and not accusatory, because the last thing you want to do is start an argument with someone who tends to be blinded by their own pride. His response was definitely one you wanted to hear but not necessarily one you believed. He told you she was his roommate’s sister and that they were just friends. And while all of that seemed true you couldn’t shake the feeling of jealousy.

The kind that starts to cut away at your soul leaving nasty scars and you’re not sure they’ll ever heal. Why is that she got more of his time than you did? What about her was so special that it cast a shadow on your love?

So instead of tending to your soul scars, you cover them with cheap band-aids and off-brand ointment. You began making excuses and no longer questioned Iwa’s actions. He was your boyfriend after all. He was yours and you were his, and that should be reassurance enough.

Well that’s what you thought until one night your phone starts ringing in the middle of your Criminal Minds binge. You reach over, grabbing it from your nightstand and a smile so bright, one that could put the stars to shame stretches across your face.

He was calling you. After days of barely getting past the hi, hello, and how are you’s, Iwaizumi was making the first move. You press accept, holding the phone up to your ear.

“Hi, Haji!” Your voice is warm and sweet, everything you want his to be.

All you hear is rustling, indistinct voices, and faint music. So you repeat yourself, assuming he can’t hear you because of bad cell service.

“Hellloooooo, Hajime?”

You pull the phone away from your ear and check the time in Los Angeles, it was only a few minutes past 2 pm and you wonder if he’s at work. This would not be the first time Iwa has accidentally dialed your number while on the clock. You decide to check his location that way you could end the call without any worries and shoot him a text to let him know what happened.

But his location isn’t at the local gym, no he’s still at home and that’s when you hear it. A loud laugh from Iwaizumi and the voice that follows it, her voice. They were together and you were a mistake stuck in his pocket, a voice stuck behind a cracked glass screen.

You want to be petty, you want to scream and yell profanities loud enough to embarrass them both but you knew your boyfriend. He wasn’t one to react to that and he wasn’t one to cheat either. Iwa was the one who insisted the two of you pursue a long distance relationship after you expressed doubts about it.

Doubts that are coming to fruition day by day.

So you text him, asking him if he meant to call you. You knew the answer was no but you just want to see what he does next. The vibration from his phone echoes in the call and you can hear more rustling as he pulls it out of his pocket.

“Babe?” Iwaizumi questions, heavy confusion dripping from the singular word.

“I think you called me by accident.”

“Yea I think so. Didn’t even notice, sorry.” You can clearly picture him rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he apologized to you.

“I figured since you seem real busy. I’ll talk to you whenever you decide to actually call me.” You shift in your bed, getting ready to end the call.

“Nah, I’m not busy. I’ll call you in like two hours, okay?”

“Mmhm, bye” You hum, not believing it all and ending the call. If he wasn’t busy, why not continue the conversation at that moment?

Unlike usual, disappointment didn’t follow Iwa’s words and to your surprise he did call two hours later. The facetime call started with its usual pleasantries and the feeling that scratched away at your soul had been reduced to a minor itch and that was enough to make you happy for the moment.

Even if he did keep his word doesn’t mean his behavior changed completely.

“How were finals? I know you were really worried about it.” You ask.

“Fine.” His voice is flat and he doesn’t elaborate nor does he ask you about yours.

This is exactly how the rest of the conversation goes. Hajime treats talking to you like an annoying chore and despite calling you first he only responds with dry answers like he couldn’t be bothered and that’s only if he chose to answer. Other times he would leave your words hanging in the air, unacknowledged and unanswered. Once again you were the only one putting in the effort and it hurts. It feels like a vine is wrapping around your heart and digging its thorns into the delicate flesh.

“Oh! Did I tell you I got my hair done?” You start taking off your bonnet, excitement buzzing throughout your entire body. You look into the camera, adjusting the black soft locs to frame your face.

Iwaizumi appears a minute later, his eyes doing a quick glance over before disappearing off the camera like some stupid magic trick.

“It’s nice.”

Nice? Just nice?

You know what would be nice?

If your boyfriend actually gave you the attention you deserve. If he complimented you in a way that would make your heart swell ten times its size. If he made you feel wanted, made you feel adored.

But, he didn't.

Instead it’s like he left the door open, letting in the chill of December and your heart was at risk of severe frostbite.

You let out a shaky breath, swallowing tears of hurt and anger. You've had enough.

“Do you have something better to do?”

“What you say?”

“Do you have something better to do? Am I boring you or what?” You snap.

“What’s with the attitude? You need to chill out.” Iwa reprimands, not enjoying the sudden change in tone.

You scoff. An attitude? At this point, he shouldn’t expect anything less especially with the way he’s been treating you.

“One, don’t tell me what to do. Two, have you even realized this is the first time we’ve talked for more than 5 minutes in the last three weeks? If you would even call this a conversation considering the fact I’m the only one talking.”

Iwaizumi doesn’t want to argue with you, he doesn’t want the conversation to go any further because he knows how the both of you are. And he knows that anything past the point will only result in a wound much too deep to heal. So he stays quiet.

But antagonizing him was one of your special talents.

“And as usual you got nothing to say. You’re on hush mode just as I motherfuckin’ expected. You never fucking change. Or actually you don’t care enough to change.”

“And exactly how am I supposed to change? What am I supposed to say? It’s not like you ever give me the room to talk. You only talk about yourself. Everything is always about you or are you too self-absorbed to notice?”

You open your mouth to respond but he cuts you off before the words are able to form on your tongue.

His voice raises a couple octaves in an attempt to imitate you.

“It’s always ‘Oh look at my hair Haji,’ ‘I bought this Zumi,’ ‘I got 60 on my test Haji.’ So tell me exactly how I'm going to contribute to the conversation?”

This isn’t any ordinary imitation, no he’s mocking you. And if he was trying to hurt you, well he could celebrate a win. His statement causes a very familiar feeling to return, the feeling of thorns tearing away at your skin.

“It’s not like you’re any better, Hajime. Don’t sit on my phone and act all high and mighty. I ask you a question, you brush me off. I try to get you to talk, you don’t even respond. I’m always met with silence like it physically pains you to say more than one letter to me. Do you know how that feels? I feel so little, like I don’t matter, like I'm unimportant. Yet, you have all the energy in the world to talk to other bitches.”

The dark-haired boy rubs his temples, clearly showing his irritation.

“Oh so that’s what this is about? How many times do I have to tell you she’s just a friend AND my roommate’s sister. Do you even hear how you sound right now? It’s ridiculous.”

“I don’t care if she’s the Princess of Geneva. She gets all of your time and attention, while your actual girlfriend has to damn near beg for you to even text her. Do you see the issue? I shouldn’t feel like an outsider in my own fucking relationship. I shouldn’t have to witness you playing house with other people while I have to pray for a crumb of your time.”

“So I’m not allowed to hang out with the people around me? I have to always cater to you and live my life on your time? When we don’t even live in the same country. Do you expect me to be at your every beck and call? Do you know how exhausting that would be?”

Those cheap band aids start to peel off one by one. The scars you thought you covered so well, start to sting and burn.

Your voice is thick, full of tears and pain. You know you shouldn’t but you want him to experience even a fraction of what he’s put you through.

“Is that why you don’t try anymore? Is a little distance too hard for fragile Iwaizumi Hajime? The same Iwaizumi who begged me not to break this off? The same one who promised me he would try to make this work.”

You continue patronizing him, fake pity exuding from every word.

“Oh, you poor thing. It must be so hard for you to actually care for your girlfriend. It’s almost like I’m not the one putting in all the effort anyways, like I’m not the one doing all the work. While you get to run away and escape from everything. But I shouldn't be surprised, that is your special talent after all. Running away from every single feeling because they make you feel weak, make you feel less than. Is that why you ran from Japan to California because you aren’t good enough for anything here, right?”

You know that was a sore spot for him, but you didn’t care. You were tired of being an afterthought, tired of being the one flavor of candy no one picks.

“You didn’t have to say that. You’re unbelievable, you know that?” Iwaizumi is trying his best to keep his voice stable but those words leaving your mouth were enough to cause a lump to form in his throat.

“Well believe it and go to hell while you’re at it.”

You end the call right away, denying him the chance of rebuttal. You sniffle, wiping furiously at your eyes before burying your face into your pillow, wetting it with your tears.

Click.

A sound that Iwaizumi never thought twice about, but now it starts to haunt him. With every passing second all he can hear is your words, the pain behind them, and that godforsaken click. It echoes in his brain the same way the tick of the clock echoes in yours.

The dark-haired boy reaches for his water, downing it all in one go. He was trying to get rid of the lump that has found home in his throat, but no matter how many times he swallows it never seems to leave. It sits there, heavy and hurting like the words exchanged between the two of you.

If anyone else had listened to that call, Hajime is sure they would never believe him when he tells them, he never meant for it to go that way. He never meant to speak to you like that or make you feel like that, like you didn’t matter to him.

Because that couldn’t be further from the truth. You mean the entire world to him. Even the world was too small a scale.

Iwaizumi wants to take the stars from the sky and dump them in your hands, because in his eyes the sky had stolen them from you. And to him that was a crime worthy of the worst punishment. Why would someone steal from you? Why would the sky take away the stars from their rightful owner?

And it shouldn’t be an excuse but the fact you meant that much to him, maybe that’s what caused the change in his behavior. He couldn’t quite grasp the true weight of his own emotions and with that came overthinking - overthinking that led to insecurity.

The kind that takes bits of one’s psyche and crumbles it into ash.

Hajime can’t pinpoint when he started feeling that way but he remembers how it consumed him whole. How it was all he ever thought about, how it crept into his mind as he slept - infecting his dreams.

His mind would race with thoughts of you, of your relationship. He thought about what you were doing, what you were eating, and how you felt about him even though he was physically absent. Those thoughts turned into questions, terrifying ones.

Why does missing you feel like blades to the chest?

Why do you make him feel so good? And why does he always second guess it?

What if you saw him the way he saw himself?

What happens when you realize that your love was better given elsewhere?

Then followed the doubt, which clouded his mind and he began to think that you would find someone better than him, someone who actually deserves to be loved by a heart as big and as precious as yours.

And Hajime knows he struggles with vulnerability, with the ability to allow people see him past the image he projects and yet with you that all he ever wants to do, be vulnerable. He wants you to press your ear to his chest and listen to the erratic beating of a heart that belongs to you. Iwa feels safe in your presence even with the 5,471 miles between the two of you. Safe enough to drop whatever guard he has built up over the years and that alone terrified him.

So he doesn’t tell you about all the things that swim in his brain. Due to the terror but also despite all that, he still always wants to be your big strong boyfriend, the one you can depend one. But how could he do that when he was falling apart on the inside? What if you start to see him as weak, the same way he did every time he looked in that foggy mirror after every shower.

He decided weeks ago that he would fix it on his own, that way he could come back to you stronger, healthier, and more sound of mind. A person that understands his emotions and knows how to deal with them. So he starts hanging out with his friends more, asking them for advice, and surrounding himself with people that could help him. And if Iwa had told you that’s what he was doing, you would’ve encouraged him wholeheartedly. He knows you would but for some reason he didn’t and his plan didn’t include neglecting you, but he still did. Whether it be intentional or accidental, he still did.

And now this was something new he had to fix. Hajime has to fix it soon because the heartbreak that leaked from your words wounded him in a way he couldn’t describe, but if he were to lose you? No language in the world can detail the pain that would come from his heart being torn apart piece by piece.

The boy can only pray that there is a way to resolve everything. Because this has given one very sneaky god the opportunity to weed his way into your minds and plant a seed into the loving soil of your relationship. The sprout had started to grow when your hearts ached for each other and now it may bloom into something ugly and twisted. All you can do now is wonder if your love will survive the poisonous flower.

“That’s what happened. And I woke up this morning to zero texts or calls from him, it’s like he doesn’t even care to fucking apologize.”

“Did you call or text him?” Kunimi soon realizes that was the wrong question to ask after he hears your very heavy sigh.

“Why are you asking me stupid questions? ……Why would I do anything when I’m always doing it? That’s the whole reason we argued, Ki. Why do I have to spend my Christmas Eve chasing after him? Hmmm?” You shift on the couch and angle the phone so he could properly see the expression you wore.

“I was just saying. Maybe he’s waiting for you to reach out to him because he wants to make sure you are ready to talk.” Your best friend explains. And honestly? You wish he would stop talking. It’s always excuses-excuses with men.

“You’re no help at all, like none. I hope you know that.” You inform him, growing sick of this conversation.

“I’m trying! You know this isn’t really my thing.” He mutters out and you can tell it's apologetic.

“Thanks for trying or whatever.”

There’s a few beats of silence that settle over the call and you use it to collect your thoughts, or at least attempt to.

“You okay?” Kunimi asks quite sincerely.

“Not really.” You answer back just as sincerely.

“Can I come over?”

“No. Go spend your Christmas Eve with your girlfriend. One of us has to have a good day at least.”

“You can come with us, she won’t mind. It’s sad being all alone like that.”

“Thank you for reminding me, Ki. And I’m not third wheeling my best friend and my cousin. I’m not a baby, I’ll be fine by myself for one day.”

“You sure?” The brown-haired boy questions, worry weighing down his features.

“Yes, father. Tell Amina I said hi and that she owes me $15.” You crack a small smile, hoping it convinces him.

“It’s Christmas Eve.”

“And I’m not in the spirit, so goodbye.” You wave him off, quickly ending the call after you hear his farewell.

You lied.

You are a little bit of a baby. You felt lonely and hurt, and it’s not shameful to admit that at this very moment you want to crawl into someone’s arms and bawl your eyes out. But that wasn’t an option, so instead you stare up at the ceiling once again and let the tears fall without someone there to catch them.

Another 20 minutes of crying pass before a text lights up your phone and a small chuckle falls from our lips. There’s a long text from your cousin cursing your boyfriend out with such creativity, you can only wonder how she comes up with such insults.

As you exit the text conversation, your finger hover over Hajime’s contact and Kunimi’s words start to replay in your head. If he was really waiting for you to contact him first then that means he didn’t actually listen to you, that he still hasn’t learned anything, and that would take the both of you right back to square one.

Iwaizumi has to be the one to extend the olive branch first, he has to prove that he wants this relationship to work as much as you do. Or this might be the end.

Through all the tears and emotional turmoil, you suddenly remember the food you ordered earlier. You check the time, it's been almost an hour since you ordered and you see a message about a delay due to the sudden snow. Absolutely nothing is going right for you today and you wish the holidays would just pass by quickly because it’s only adding on to your sadness.

You flip over on the couch, burying your face into the cushions in hopes that sleep would overtake you and you could forgot about the present world for a couple hours. Your eyes have only been shut for 5 minutes before your doorbell rings and you ignore it at first, not wanting to hear your neighborhood’s choir rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. But then it rings again and this time you pull yourself off the couch, expecting the delivery man to be holding your bag of long awaited food.

Opening the door with one hand and grabbing a couple bills for a tip with the other, you start thanking the person and apologizing for making them brave the freezing temperatures. However, your words don’t even touch the chilly air because there was no delivery man and definitely no food.

No, there was only your boyfriend standing at your doorstep with his suitcases and a very guilty smile.

And you?

You slam the door close out of shock or out of anger, you’re still deciding which one. You look out the peephole and watch your boyfriend fidget nervously. His nose is pink and he blows into his hand to keep them warm. A part of you wants to leave him out here and let the cold be his punishment. Maybe then he could finally understand how he made you feel.

But for some other reason, you’re opening the door and letting him into your warm apartment. You don’t even greet him, you lock the door behind him and walk towards the kitchen. And for once Iwaizumi recognizes your cues and doesn’t follow after you.

You return about 6 minutes later with two mugs in your hand, a hot chocolate for yourself and a tea for the man roaming about your living room.

“Thank you.” He flashes you a grateful look and sips the tea, letting it heat up his body.

You place your cup down and cross your arms over your chest. Your face is emotionless and your eyes tell him absolutely nothing.

“What are you doing here?”

Hajime flinches at your stern tone. You weren’t happy for obvious reasons and he can’t blame you.

“Surprise?” Iwa mumbles out, the tips of his ears shifting from pink to red out of embarrassment.

You threw him an unimpressed look, the answer was obvious. He was here to apologize but if he thought that showing up to your house uninvited was the miraculous cure, Hajime had a long way to go to earn your forgiveness.

“Don’t play with me right now. You never mentioned coming back to Japan for Christmas.”

The dark-haired boy shifts his weight from one foot to another. The intensity of your stare as you wait for his response causes the guilt to burn through every nerve, singeing off the ends and leaving him in a fit of fiery emotional pain. Hajime doesn’t know how to start. Should he start with an explanation, or an apology, or a plea for forgiveness?

You let out a frustrated sigh. Of course, you are met with silence.

“We aren’t doing this again. So you can leave, I’m sure your parents would be much happier to see you.”

“No!” It’s a loud objection, maybe even a little too loud. Iwaizumi clears his throat, trying to correct himself. “I mean, I need to stay. I have something to say.”

You tilt your head to the side in slight interest. Iwaizumi rarely raises his voice in your presence and for him to do it now means that he was serious. And that’s exactly what you want him to be. You want him to take part in the relationship, to do the only thing you’ve ever asked.

You want him to love you in the way you know he can.

“Say what you want to say and then I’ll decide if you can stay.” You declare.

Hajime finally meets your gaze, this is his only chance to fix the mess he created all over your heart.

“I thought of a million things I could say to you, you know better than anyone I’m not good with words so I practiced my apology but it didn’t feel right. So what I want to say first is, I’m sorry. Extremely sorry for everything I did and I don’t only mean the phone call because this goes beyond that. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t the first and last thought on my mind, for not treating you the way you deserve. I love you more than I can verbally express and the thought of losing you was-is destroying me inside. And honestly I could stand here and list all the reasons why everything went wrong but I know how much you hate excuses and beating around the bush. But, there is something I want to tell you about my behavior, about why I acted the way I did.”

Iwa pauses, feeling nervous. Expressing himself in such detail causes panic to settle in, his insecurities start to bubbling up to the surface. Yet, he continues on, he doesn’t need his worries to cause another disaster or deprive you of the apology you deserve.

“I’ve always wanted to be the type of boyfriend that you can depend on, that is strong enough to lift every obstacle in your way. Especially when you look at me like I can solve every problem even if it’s beyond my abilities, it's just such a sweet look and it makes my heart stop every single time. And one day I started to doubt why you look at me like that when I can’t even breathe without questioning myself. Why do I deserve to be loved by someone with such a pretty heart? And even if I felt all that, I didn’t want you to ever stop looking at me so sweetly. So, I tried so hard to be better for you, for me, for us, that I failed to see what I was doing to you until it was too late.”

Your gaze starts to soften as you look at him. Hajime didn’t have to be strong all the time for your sake, you love all parts of him. That love is what opened the door for him and let him in. That same love is what listening to him right now and wants to hear everything he has to say.

Your boyfriend starts rubbing the back of his neck. A very common habit of his.

He’s apologizing, you think to yourself.

As he continues his speech, the pain from the soul scars start to disappear. They no longer sting or burn. They start to heal and you wonder if the cure is someone else's treatment.

“And instead of listening to you, I insulted you. I can’t even repeat what I said because I don’t want you to ever hear those words from me again and I wish I never said them. I wish I could change the past but I can't. All I can do now is take responsibility and work for your forgiveness. So please let me. Let me be a better boyfriend, I wanna make up for everything I did. I want to show you that I love you more than anything. I want to show you that I’m sorry and I’ll apologize to you every day if that’s what it takes. If you asked me to get on my knees I would, If you told me to steal the sun I would. And I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

Silence follows the heartfelt apology and as you take it all in, the words start to slip out of your mouth.

“You can stay.” You tell him.

Iwaizumi walks towards you, stopping once he’s close enough for you to hear his heartbeat. His arms around you in the next second, pulling you in for a hug. There’s slight hesitation in his grip like he’s afraid you’ll leave. But when your own arms circle around his waist and clutch onto the back of his shirt, he realizes you weren’t going anywhere.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, Zumi. I love you because you’re you and that means I love every single version of you.” You mumble into his chest.

“I know. I was scared and sometimes I still am. Next time, I’ll talk to you about it.” He responds, hugging you tighter. “There are three more things I wanna tell you.”

You loosen your grip and lean your head back to look at him. Iwaizumi can practically see the question marks in your eyes and he has to resist the urge to kiss away the cute confusion.

“I didn’t only come here to apologize. I already planned to surprise you for Christmas. Also, the girl you kept seeing me with was helping me. We get free counseling at UC but it’s hard explaining myself in English. So, since she’s a psychology student that also speaks Japanese, she was helping translate.” Hajime admits, an apologetic smile on his lips.

You shut your eyes in guilt as you respond. You weren’t exactly saying the nicest things about the two of them when you were upset.

“You had me cussing you and that girl out in my mind every day. Oh my god, now I feel horrible. Why didn’t you just tell me, Haji?!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry” He apologizes once again. “And last thing.”

Iwa pulls out of the hug, opting to hold on to your left hand instead. He lifts your arm up, twirling you around.

“What are you doing?” You say between quiet giggles.

His voice when he speaks this time is soft and sweet, everything you want it to be.

“Admiring my very pretty girlfriend and her hair that I’m obsessed with. You look so good, baby.”

Hajime keeps twirling you around, showering you with all types of compliments until you’re dizzy from his words and the constant movement. At the same time, he uses his free hand to pull something out of his pocket before pulling you in close.

“I can’t even see straight right now. Everything is still spinning.” You tighten your grip on his hand to stabilize yourself. Even in the blurry haze, your eyes still land on your boyfriend’s flushed face. He lets go of your hand and covers your eyes with his palm.

“Well, now I can’t see at all.” You point out.

“I’m gonna take my hand off now but you have to keep your eyes closed.” Iwa instructs, slowly removing his hand.

“Okay… Wait. Is this a part of the apology? Are you trying to buy my forgiveness?”

“Just keep your eyes closed.” It’s a soft demand and you nod your head in understanding. You’ll entertain him for the time being.

And due to your lack of vision, your hearing is now heightened and you hear every little nervous exhale Iwaizumi lets out. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong when cold metal brushes across your hand and onto your finger.

“You can open them now.”

Your eyes snap open and immediately you direct your line of sight downward. Your previously bare digit is now housing a new gold ring.

A very expensive gold Cartier ring. One with a pink diamond sitting in the middle.

You gasp in awe, eyes glued to the glittering jewelry. The gift giver scans your face, trying to gauge your reaction. He’s been planning this for the last 7 months and even if it didn’t go exactly to plan, he wants to at least please you.

“It’s a promise ring.” Iwaizumi uses his left hand to hold yours and that’s when you see it. On his ring finger sits the matching band. Tears begin to collect in your bottom lashes and his hands move up to your face, cradling your cheeks.

“Don’t cry, babe. I cost you enough tears, okay?” His thumbs swipe away the tears as they fall and you nod a frantic yes to let him know you’re listening. “It’s a promise that I will love you the way you deserve to be loved and prove I can be better until I can replace that ring and make you a new promise.”

“I’m trying not to cry but this is the sweetest and most expensive thing anyone has ever done for me. How did you afford this?” Even as you speak, tears still slide down your face and he still wipes away every single one.

“Don’t worry about that.” He dismisses your question. The cost was covered by extra shifts and side jobs. And a refund check. “Do you like it?” Hajime redirects the conversation, he knows you won’t stop asking unless you’re distracted by a new topic.

“I love it, I love it so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Your boyfriend reaches into his pocket for something else as you continue admiring your beautiful ring.

“You know I’ve always wanted to be a Cartier girl.” You tell him.

“I know, and haven’t you always wanted to do this too?” He uses the hand still on your face to tilt it upwards.

Mistletoe.

Iwaizumi is dangling a Mistletoe plant over the two of you.

A grin brighter than every single Christmas light settles on your face. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing your face closer to his.

“Merry Christmas Eve.” He whispers.

“You’re really sneaky, you know that?” You whisper back. In response, Hajime only smiles before gently pressing his lips onto yours. He kisses you with such tenderness and care, that you melt into his embrace. He wants you to know you mean everything to him, that you’re his everything.

And now, you know it all. You know how he adores you, how he treasures you. So, you return it with your own message, one that speaks of your budding forgiveness and longing.

All of Iwaizumi’s attention is on the feeling of your soft lips on his, making him drop the mistletoe. When it hits you, you flinch at the sudden sensation.

“Sorry.” The dark-haired boy mumbles into the kiss.

“It’s okay.” You reassure him and your small laugh gets lost in between your lips.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He repeats over and over until you can feel the vibration of his vocal cords all over your body.

“I love you too.”

taglist for all my works are still open so <3 tag me

a/n: hiii, sorry for like ghosting yall… i had so much shit going on (switching majors, health, etc) but since it’s summer imma try posting more consistently and i have a lot fics in the planning stages so look out for those 😋,, hopefully u enjoyed the very overdue 1st installment of the luvrs club

taglist: @theehottiehwa @santoteez @thathoneybee3 @satorose @shotarobabymomma

#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x black reader #iwaizumi x black reader #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi fanfic #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi fluff #the luvrs club #saturn’s masterlist #mik0rin’s masterlist #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x black y/n

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theteapotofdoom · 3 years

Note

whats ur fav kunikidazai moments bc i miss them so bad istg their reunion should be soon hsbxjcnnsbdb

OH ARE WE READY TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION?

ARE WE UNLOCKING MY KUNIKIDAZAI BRAINROT TONIGHT?

LET'S GO

Okay so except for the first one, these will mostly be out of order because I love them all equally and I don't have enough braincells to organise my thoughts.

1) Iconic soulmates partners. As a surprise to no one, the moment that made me go from "hehe they bicker like an old married couple they are kind of cute" to "oh my god these bitches deadass soulmates" is my favorite moment for them. I love everything about this scene, the music, their expression, the animation, but especially the build up. So far, we've seen these two bicker a lot in the show, and although they always get the work done, Atsushi begins to wonder if they really work as partners. And in this arc, there is a lot of tension between them, we really see the difference not just between their personalities, but between their philosophies as well. It's mostly a good thing because they challenge each other and keep each other in check, but it also leads to a lot of arguing. And yet ... and yet when shit hits the fan, when the final countdown is on and everything seems lost ... these two are in perfect synch and know exactly what to do. There are barely any words exchanged between them, and yet they understand each other perfectly. In just a few seconds they switch positions and save the (and each other). And this when Atsushi gets it. These two are best partners because despite their differences, when it comes down to it ... their bond is the strongest thing they have.

2) Worried bf. So many of these moments are from the Azure King arc and I'm not ashamed. This one is very simple but there's just something about Kunikida recklessly rushing to save innocent people dying and Dazai IMMEDIATELY holding him back because he knows that Kunikida could actually hurt himself trying to help others if no one stops him ... yeah. This is a moment that really highlight how different their philosophies are why it's important. Kunikida is willing to do anything if it means he can save just one person, and we saw many times that he is always ready to sacrifice himself for others. Dazai is a lot more pragmatic and detached, but he is learning to care about others as well, so he is the perfect balance for Kunikida's saviour instinct. I also said before that it frustrates me when Dazai is portrayed as always calm and smug and on top of everything, so I love seeing him worried about Kunikida because he knows he can't control him.

3) Paper rock scissors debacle. We love boyfriends who share everything <3 even their braincell. I don't have anything deep to say about this one except that I love when Kunikida and Dazai are just being silly together. The fact that this all happens during a fake scenario for Atsushi's entrance exam makes it even better. Like, they just COMMITTED so hard to their roles. I love them.

4) Yearning Dazai. This isn't really (1) moment in particular but just ... Dazai always being so desperate to get Kunikida's attention all the time ... like okay Dazai we get it you want to pin him against a wall and kiss him like okay WE UNDERSTAND. Look at this disaster of a man holy shit.

5) Yearning Dazai Delux Edition. I cherish the Kunikida OVA with my whole ass heart and that ending where Dazai goes on a long rant about why Kunikida is so amazing and the best to be the next leader lives rent free in my head at all time. This idiot is so in love I swear to god.

#kunikidazai #kunikida doppo #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #bsd

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colossal-fallout · 3 years

Text

[ Classified ]

The full report - Eren Yeager

The following report details all information on Eren Yeager. Contains NSFW content and reader must be over the age of 18 to view this document.

For your eyes only.

Name: Eren Yeager

Birthplace: Shiganshina

Height: 180cm / 5ft 9"

General

[ A1 ]

Appearance & Hygiene practices:

Eren's chestnut brown hair is always clean and fresh. Whenever he pays you a late night visit, he'll have most probably just gotten out of the shower. Coconut scented shampoo of sorts? Whatever it is, it smells so good.

Prefers showers over a bathe. He says it's to save time, but he spends a good 40 - 60 minutes in there, easily.

Once he's dry, likes to throw on jogger bottoms and a hoodie over his bare skin. His bare skin that is now so soft and scented as his favourite shower gel which is either tea-tree oil or Coconut.

If he wants to remain clean shaven, Eren must shave every 2-3 days. Sometimes he likes to grow it out but nothing ever past a long stubble.

Minimal body hair.

Trims the hairs on his pubic bone/lower stomach. Has pleasuring you in mind as he does so. Will take into consideration the friction against you.

Totally clean shaven testicles.

Eren's nails are short but that's because he bites them. [ see section A3 ]

Beautiful set of teeth. Brushes twice daily in a modern AU.

Eren adores it when you brush his hair for him. He finds it extremely relaxing as you massage his scalp. His eyes will close and a small, barely audible hum will emit from time to time.

Eren's skin care routine is pretty basic. All of the steam from sitting in his hot, frequent showers for so long seems to do him wonders - his skin is flawless and worthy of envy.

Due to the healing power of being a Titan shifter, Eren has no scars.

Eren has quite large hands with long fingers. He doesn't wear rings or jewellery as it reminds him of the burden of when he had to keep that damn key on him at all times. Will however, put up with a wedding ring.

[A2]

Body & Love language:

Eren is a pretty introverted person. His hands are usually tucked away inside of his pockets - be it either trousers or hoody/jacket.

He hunches a little too. Likes to feel hidden. He's had enough attention over the years and wants nothing more than to just shrink away in a crowded room. Or maybe, it's the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Brooding, moody exterior. Extreme "resting bitch face"

Shrugs a lot. At first glance, you'd think he was a moody teenager trapped in a grown man's body.

Likes to sit with his feet flat up on the chair with his knees splayed - you'll usually find him like this with an arm resting over a knee while the other is at a 90 degree angle pointing away from his hip.

Fumbles his hands together in formal occasions when he can't sit so casually or tuck them away.

Likes to drape his arm over you without touching you. His arm will rest above you on the top of the chair. A clear indication of "They're mine" and "I will keep you safe"

His hips will usually be swivelled in your direction, regardless of where you are in the room. A subconscious body language of sexual yearning.

Eren likes to hold hands with you when you're walking. He's not huge on PDA but likes the strong yet subtle showings that you're together.

Tends to rub his thumb over the back of your hand absent-mindedly when you do so.

His love languages include physical touch. Can get very needy and touch starved pretty easily. Not in a overbearing way, but even just a run of his slender fingers through your hair is enough to keep him going until the two of you are in a more private setting.

[A3]

Bad Habits & Tendencies:

As mentioned above, Eren bites his finger nails. His toe nails too. It's pretty gross to be honest.

He never does it in public, but he has been known to do it in front of you when he feels comfortable enough to do so.

Get's very fidgety when irritated or annoyed, which is pretty often. Especially if Jean is around.

Short temper. He's learned to tame it more over the years where he doesn't show it so easily. But everyone has their limit and when his is reached, his yell is booming and pretty intimidating.

During an argument with you he has been known to raise his voice, but it's not the frightening roar you've heard him unleash on others before.

Always apologises to you after he's calmed down. Even though it wasn't that bad.

If you two ever have a bad falling out, will lock himself away for days. He'll be pissed at himself for letting it get so bad and depressed that you two are having such problems. But he'll do anything he can to fix it.

[ A4 ]

Common misconceptions:

Obviously everyone has their own cannons and opinions. But I don't personally see Eren as being an abusive partner. Yeah, he has his problems and treats his friends like shit but there's a reason for that we'll probably see in the last chapter. If you're worthy enough to pierce that cold and distant shell, you're a very special person and he'll treat you as such.

Eren actually has a large heart hidden under that huge chip on his shoulder. He cares and loves the people around him unconditionally. Even to the point of carrying out mass genocide to protect them.

Still... He does have a dark side to be weary of at times.

Even though he's gross while in Liberio, usually Eren is actually pretty clean.

[ A5 ]

Food & Drink:

In a Modern AU Eren loves fancy coffees with the weird names. The longer to pronounce, the better. He just likes the fact they give him energy and the fancier ones taste good.

Due to not having meat for so long, a good ol' fashioned beef/lamb stew is his favourite.

Doesn't drink in canon.

Modern AU, his alcoholic beverage of choice is bottles of beer and craft ales. Sometimes is a sucker for red wine.

[ A6 ]

Modern Au:

Eren wears loose clothing. Hoodies, loose jeans, those baggy cardigans too.

His texting style is spam over one long message. Especially if he's pissed off. He's too impatient to sit and type in paragraphs.

Drives a black car. Don't ask me what type, I don't know cars. But it's black, 'kay?

It also has "black ice" air freshener inside.

Likes to ride quads and mopeds along fields. He's a thrill seeker. Rollercoasters, bungee jumping... you name it he's game.

Eren plays the guitar. He took lessons for it but after about a year he just went his own way and self-taught.

If he sees a guitar at a party, he will pick it up and play it. He won't sing though.

He actually hates singing. He finds it embarrassing.

Always has in his air pods/earphones.

Likes any sort of music that is catchy.

Probably streams on Twitch. He won't talk much though.

Could have a wide range of jobs. Coffee shop, could be in college, might be a ride attendant... who knows? It's anyone's guess what Eren is doing. He doesn't talk about himself that much.

Romance & NSFW

[ B1 ]

Crush:

Eren would definitely be in denial he has a crush on you at first.

• “Does y/n seem different to you?”

Armin; “No…? In what way?”

“I dunno… Just, different.”

• His poor stubborn brain would be ticking for weeks as to why he suddenly wants to be near you a lot more often and has urges to touch you, even if it’s just a slight brush against your arm.

• Will find any excuse to do extra training with you

• Once he FINALLY clicks on as to why he’s had these feelings, he’ll be pretty knocked off his feet and a little annoyed at himself.

I’m here to kill the enemy...

• Still though… Can’t seem to keep himself away.

[ B2 ]

First kiss & general kisses:

After the initial denial and keeping himself away, he'll just decide one day he's had enough of feeling this way and decides to to something about it.

He won't shove himself onto you. He'll do some sly probing to see if there is any indication of reciprocation.

Knowing Eren, he'll indirectly piss you off or insult you. He didn't mean to. He's just lacking social skills. Man aint smooth.

You'll slap him, probably, where he'll keep his head away from you for a few seconds, realising he's pushed you too far. Whichever side you palmed him away, he'll stay.

He'll slowly return his gaze to yours before gently holding your arms, apologising and planting his lips onto yours.

His general kisses are quite firm and forceful. Not in an aggressive way, but a "god I want you so bad" way.

Always either slides his arms around your waist or cups your face/head.

He tastes like sweetened tea <3 / Coffee in a Modern AU

Loves coming from behind and snaking his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck when you're doing something. Doesn't like it when your attention is away from him for too long.

When he's feeling soft and tender, will dance his nose with yours and catching your mouth in a caress.

When he's super turned on, he'll suck your tongue, bite your bottom lip and kiss anywhere he can.

[ B3 ]

Sex:

Ha ~~!

Eren is up there with the best when it comes to sex. He knows what he's doing and he does it well.

Extremely skilled with his fingers and tongue. He'll have you crawling the walls with hysteria as he likes to tease you throughout the day. He more than makes up for it, though.

Gropes, nips, kisses, licks, bites, flicks... anywhere and everywhere he can.

Is the most vocal when you perform oral sex on him. Will groan so deeply, his entire body will vibrate.

Dirty talk is this man's second language.

"Look how desperate you are for me." / "Look how desperate for you you've gotten me..."

"Do I feel good like this?"

"Am I making you feel good baby?"

"You're so good at that. Fuck, such a good girl/boy"

"S'so fuckin' tight."

"You're my little fuck thing, aren't you?"

"You're perfect."

"I love you..."

Are some of the many things you'll hear while he's fucking you.

He doesn't really have a favourite position. He'll gladly take you anyway he can. If he's in a rough mood, he'll bend you over the sofa, take you up against the wall... But if he's feeling more soft he'll make slow, passionate love to you for hours.

He does have a strong soft side at times.

Dominic Dominant. He loves seeing you totally at his mercy, the power over you the most arousing thing in the world to him.

Big daddy dilf vibes. He knows what he’s doing and he’s fucking good at it too.

The only time he’ll sub is if he wants to be lazy - letting you ride him and use him to your heart’s content.

Dirty talk. It can get pretty degrading at times. If you’re not into that, he respects that boundary.

Will absolutely ruin you.

Low-key loves it when you claw his back in hysteria. He thrives knowing he can send you absolutely insane, and he can just heal the claw marks in a matter of seconds. Sometimes even during sex (which is the hottest thing ever)

In an AU modern, he would love to fuck you near a large mirror or record you both getting at it to watch at a later date.

A lot of hissing, humming and low groaning, especially when he’s close to unloading.

Likes to watch you masturbate, putting his head close and observing intently. Loses his shit if you moan his name while doing so.

Hair pulling is his overload language. Will tug fistfuls when he gets too turned on.

[ B4 ]

Kinks:

The risk of getting caught. He likes having risky sex in semi public locations. Makes a game of how loud he can get you to moan, knowing someone would probably hear you.

Light Degradation. When he’s in a rough mood, he doesn’t mind calling you a few names. Nothing too extreme. And if it’s not your thing, he’ll respect that boundary.

Loves a good ol’ 69. Having you on his face with your ass in view is just… *Chef’s kiss*

Speaking of ass, he loves to bend you over too, allowing himself in nice and deep with a great view and something Juicy to grab.

[ B5 ]

Aftercare:

Aftercare with Eren isn’t anything special unfortunately. He’s another who gets sleepy after sex.

Won’t ignore you though. Often lazy pillow talk is on the cards and telling you how much you mean to him and how beautiful you are.

Will run his fingers across your scalp to soothe you.

Also will kiss any bite marks or finger bruises he’s left behind and ask if you’re okay.

Relationship with loved ones & becoming serious

[ C1 ]

Friends & Family:

When Eren meet's your friends family he will be polite yet quiet. He wants them to like him but he won't pine for their approval. If they like him, awesome. If they don't...? No big deal.

Same goes with your friends. He'll stay quiet until spoken to at first, but once he's been eased into conversation, he'll flow with it a lot easier.

Again, he'll be polite but don't expect him to kiss ass, because he certainly wont.

[ C2 ]

Marriage:

You couldn’t actually believe Eren had proposed. Although he was down on one knee in front of your very eyes, your mind just wasn’t accepting it. Folks and onlookers watched with bated breath, awaiting your answer. He sure kept this surprise hidden well…

Of course, you said yes and he picked you up by your waist in a spin, colliding his lips to yours.

And now here he was, watching you walk down the aisle, a lump in his throat and his heart racing.

You looked gorgeous, like something from a fairy tale.

And of course, he looked as handsome as ever. His suit was smart and his hair was up in its usual bun.

Armin is his best man, of course; who is standing and beaming with pride.

Eren holds back his chokes and tears as he reads his vows;

“Y/N… From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, all those years ago, I knew you would be in my life forever. Back then, I didn’t think it would be as my wife, but God I am so glad it is. I’m sorry for my stubbornness and irrational behaviour when we were young. But despite that you still loved, and stood by me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I vow to always stand beside you, whatever the world throws at us. I vow to hold you when you need support. I vow to remember how you always had my back no matter what. And I vow to always love you, with my heart and soul, until the day I die and after.”

The room erupts in cheers and tears when you seal your kiss.

The reception is wild.

Everyone is drunk (except Levi) and dancing. Reiner and Connie are dancing like weirdos, Reiner's blazer removed and at one point Connie is on his shoulders.

Sasha has too much to drink and is spewing in the bathroom.

Mikasa can’t stop crying with happiness and pride.

He carries you to your room afterwards where you spend all night sealing a special bond that will never be broken.

[ C3 ]

Children:

Eren has a soft spot for children, believe it or not. As seen before the expedition to the forest of giant trees. He sees his old self behind the innocent glint of unaltered admiration within a child's eyes.

He's not super into child play though. He wont pull weird voices or funny faces. He'll sit at their level and speak to them like they were anyone else. Obviously, watching what he says around them.

If they're unchecked and acting themselves, he'll become quickly annoyed as they wreck havoc around him and will have to leave the room or he'll get too agitated.

If his s/o discovers they're pregnant he'll seem to take it well. But inside he's falling apart and freaking out. He won't ever show it to them, but he doesn't know how he could be a father. Would he be like his own? Would he be able to be a good figure to look up to? What if he fails? Is it selfish to bring a child into this cruel world?

He'll be shocked but understandably so. After after a couple of weeks of self-reflection and brooding, he'll start to feel better about the whole thing.

More protective over his s/o than usual. Will make sure they're eating, drinking, resting and god help you if he finds you doing something you shouldn't such as trying to lift something heavy.

Will hold your hair and rub you back, as well as bring you water while you're having your morning sickness.

"Babe? It's four in the afternoon. How come you're still sick?"

"Eren, it's called morning sickness but it can happen any time."

He'll click his tongue. "....That's a dumb name, then."

The first time he feels the baby kick within you, his heart absolutely melts. His eyes enlarge and you could swear you saw them soften with that spark behind his emerald greens he had when you were younger.

His large palm is warm against your stomach as he feels around, the little flutter of your child hitting against his skin making him flinch in surprise at first.

"Woah..." He'll gasp in amazement. "They're already so strong. Hey, y/n? Doesn't that hurt?"

"Sometimes." You'll laugh softly.

He'll gingerly place his face to your skin, a little embarrassed he's doing this; but he feels the need. "...Don't hurt your mom, okay?"

As your pregnancy progresses and you get larger, he will not leave your side. If he has to, he'll be worrying and you'll be occupying his mind. In a modern au, he'll constantly call and text and will get Mikasa or Armin to check in on you often.

Will be so gentle during love making. He's terrified he'll hurt the baby.

One of the only times you've seen Eren panic in his adult life is when your waters break.

You'd gotten up in the middle of the night to pee. Climbed back into bed and felt a strange pressure, followed by a pop. Then a warm gushing sensation. You wait a few seconds to settle your own panic before you nudge Eren awake.

"Eren..."

He'll bolt up, confused. "What? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Eren, my waters have broken."

"Shit. Okay. Shit. What do we do? Shit." He'll leap out of bed and throw the lights on. You get to your feet where more water will start to drop onto the floor. "Shit, shit. I'll get the bag. Do you need help getting dressed? Okay, where's my jacket? WHERE'S MY JACKET?!"

"Eren, honey I need to you calm down."

"Okay, sorry. I'm calm. Shit. Shit..."

Will hold your hand with a worried look the entire time you're in labour. Has water and snacks on hand.

Will watch in amazement as your child is pushed into the world. This magical moment changes something in him, but right now he's not sure what that is.

They will bond immediately. As soon as he holds your son/daughter he can't take his wide gaze off them.

They're inseparable.

Any doubts of being a bad father is washed away as he takes them under his wing and teaches them about the world.

260 notes · View notes

bunny-xoxo · 3 years

Text

Big Brain Bitches Playlist ❣️

For the lovely @nataliahaslosthershit , thank you for always being so kind and being patient!!!

disclaimers: this is a fem!reader since it is a request, so if there’s any instances where those pronouns or the fact it’s a fem reader is alluded to that’s why!

warnings: Tsukishima, that’s the warning

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: thank you for being so patient sweetie!! I really hope you like this and I did my best with the playlist to include a little bit of everything you like!!!

Relationship Headcannons

As much as Tsukishima would lowkey HATE the way you always wanna make friends (not really he just likes being a shithead) he also just finds it so cute??? Like he’s like 🙄✋🏼 must you talk to everyone?? But is also like :) shes so friendly and tries so hard to be nice :) how did I find someone like her :) but he keeps that on the lowkey a bit and GOD LET ANYONE BE RUDE TO YOU WHEN HE SEES YOU AS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL‼️‼️‼️

Tsukishima is also focused on his studies and would appreciate you being focused as well, he would hate to see you over stressed from the importance your parents put on it, and he’d always be doing/saying things to get you to relax as best as he could

“You’ve gone over this 5 times, do you really think you’re that stupid that you have to go over it again?”

“We should take a break, let’s go take a walk to the corner store and find some good snacks. Studying is always more effective if you take breaks like that anyway.”

It is, but he’s more concerned with removing those frown lines from your forehead and warming your hand up with his

Sidenote - definitely the type to blow on your hands while their held in his to warm them up

ANYWAYS

Regardless, it’d become a habit for you two to always do your studying together since he wants to be sure you’re not overworking yourself.

STUDY DATES‼️‼️

Idk I can just see him always bringing a second bottle of water with him just in case you need it ??LMAO like y’all would be studying and you’d be like

“I’m a little thirsty, I’m gonna get-“

“🤨”

boom bottle of water on the table for you

PLS he won’t give it to you until you mention you’re thirsty tho, unless he feels like he hasn’t seen you drink enough water

I don’t see him as a big talker while he studies with you unless you’re helping each other out, he just kind of likes your presence while you guys are studying cause it feels like bonding and he just likes spending time with you :)

A bit off topic of study dates but you can’t tell me his love language ISNT quality time and he would never admit it but he’s definitely clingy lowkey LMAO

like he just wants to spend his free time with you even if it’s just being in the same room together but doing different things?? He thinks being able to be your own person while still enjoying each other is important in a relationship

So of course he’ll sit in a room with you and eavesdrop read a book while you gossip with your friends over the phone and then listen to you rant about it after

just like how he appreciates when you ask about his day while you cook dinner together and ask him all kinds of follow up questions, cause you actually care and want to know!!

Ok but ANYWAY back to study dates:

So like I was saying, not a big talker, but I feel like complete silence would freak him out?? This mf always got his headphones so one of you has got to be playing music while you’re studying, but do you know what this means?

This means that a song has definitely come on that he likes and he totally was humming or even quietly singing along to himself, not really thinking about the fact you were there and can definitely hear him, and as soon as he realizes he would just look at you and shut up SO fast LMAO

Like he’d just get wide eyed and breath in and stop singing and just kind of look up at you AND HIS EARS WOULD BE SO RED (he’s an ear blusher for sure) and he’d do that WHITE BOY SMILE THING WHERE HE HAS DEAD EYES AND HIS MOUTHS A THIN LINE but he’d look so shy and embarrassed plssss and he’d just look back down to his textbook and try not to think about it

And you’d just giggle and he could only groan and be like “let’s move on 😐” BUT YOURE DEFINITELY NOT FORGETTING THAT

But study dates?? Yeah they’re important to you two

Tsukishima would also be constantly making sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of studying, like making sure you’re needs are taken care of since you have a tendency to over look them in the favor of others (which I feel like would really drive him crazy cause you’re his baby!!! He can’t stand that thought !!!)

Like if he saw you offer a friend your last snack knowing you hadn’t eaten enough today he’s slapping a snack in your possession so fast like 😐 eat this, now.

ITS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE IN THE CALMEST WAY but it’s just cause you’re important to him

The bullying??? Yes he’d love that cause he’s just like 😳‼️ you keep up with him and he’d just love the back and forth between you two so much

Queue the eye rolls and lopsided smirk while he’s grabbing your hand and kissing it telling you to shut up

Regarding your stims - he’d definitely take notice and probably do things like always holding your hand to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself too bad!

I know people have mentioned him not being that big on PDA but I feel like he’d take a neutral stance on it, like holding your hand is so innocent and if it helps you not pinch your wrists or picking at your nails of course he’s gonna do it!! It’s his way of showing you he notices and cares 🖤

Regarding your self confidence, he’d definitely still bully you cause cmon 🙄 this is your guys love language and he knows you know it’s harmless, and the last thing he’d want to do is make you feel like he’s coddling you and suffocating you by not being silly with you the way he normally would

HOWEVER

If anyone else clowns on you whew please it is over for them

Like let’s say you meet the boys and you and hinata are clowning on each other?? Tsuki is NOT playing games LMAO like he’d definitely be like

😐😐 hinata I KNOW you’re not talking and you’d have to remind him in private that it’s ok he doesn’t care he will bully hinata any chance he gets

Okok real talk Tsukishima would think it’s so fucking cool you know how to speak more than one language!!! Not the type to necessarily be like let me hear it 🤠 but if you do speak another language around him he’s always like 🙂 wow, that was pretty cool

Ok also?? Both of you being introverts?? Tsuki is happy to the MAX

Like he just gets to come home to you and detox in his little home and sit with you on the couch and talk about your days and watch whatever you’re feeling and it’s just so recharging for him and he’s so grateful you’re perfectly ok with that :)

And finally, tell me he wouldn’t bully you for your height but also find it so so adorable 🙄‼️

Ahhhh!! Ok here is the acclaimed playlist I made for you!! I hope you enjoy it❣️

Ok I did my best to include your variety of music tastes in here!! But if there’s anything you’d like me to change please feel free to let me know and I will!!

Ahhhh I hope you like it, enjoy my descriptions below!

1. The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major: ok so yes we’re starting this off with a dash of Tsuki angst, as much as I know he’d deny it he yearns for love. Like the idea of someone being so important they get his attention and devotion and they love him the same is sooo comforting to him! And sometimes he would daydream about it like :) I wonder when I’m gonna meet them, I wonder how, I can’t wait - but the way he would he embarrassed if anyone knew this - and when he DOES meet you it is not what he expected LMAO

2. 80’s makeout session - dacelynn: OK SO HE MEETS YOU and is just like 👁👄👁 and it’s everything he dreamed of, if he was feeling irrational he might’ve even believed it was love at first sight but there’s one problem, the way Tsuki is be lowkey mad he wants your attention LMAO. Like you would meet and he would just look into your eyes and he feels his heart stop; and you’re so nice when you’re introducing yourself to him and your voice is so sweet and he can’t stop thinking about the way your curly hair is framing your face and he just oop 🤒 he got the love bug bad AND HED BE SO MAD cause like, he tries to only do things for himself! And that’s exactly why love was a daydream cause UGH HOW PATHETIC IS HE. He never tries impress anyone else cause he’s his biggest critic anyway, but suddenly he wants to be noticed by you and impress you and the way that would just irk him, but he cant help it 🤷‍♂️ sorry bout it Tsuki

3. IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator: more on Tsuki being mad he likes you LMAO - I think what would push him to get over himself and how it’s kind of scary for him how much he likes you would be imagining what could happen if he DOESNT grow up and just let you know. The thought of you with somebody else? Yeah he don’t like that one bit and that’s when he knows he better suck it up and accept he’s got it for you hard

4. Make Me Your Queen - Declan McKenna: OK CALLING TSUKI SIMPS OUT- you’d want him so bad but he’s so bad at showing his interest!! So on your end it’d be soooo much pining and patience and a little bit desperate like PLS I jus wanna be your s/o man 😕 but don’t worry he likes you just as much, he’s just awful at showing that at first LMAO

5. Kiss Like A Woman - Mona: ok but once Tsuki accepts he’s got it bad, I don’t see him as someone who wastes time at. All. Like he’s like ok well she’s fucking great obviously if I like her cause I have great taste so it’s only a matter of time before someone else tries to get her attention, so I gotta act fast. However, he’s clueless so he’d think he’s being obvious but he’s not. Like he starts his habit of bringing you snacks and water on your study dates before they’re actually dates and you have no idea he likes you. And he thinks he’s being smooth like, how could you not know he likes you? But it’d be the end of your study session and you’re about to leave and he’s been wondering why it seems like maybe you’re not interested? He can’t tell so he’d just be like, “do you like me, too? Or am I making you uncomfortable? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know how you feel but you really haven’t said anything, so.” AND YOUD JUST BE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE 😳🧍🏻‍♀️ and you’re blushing hard so he’s like ok obviously she likes me? And he would kind of tilt his head in your direction and raise his eyebrows waiting for you to answer, cause he still wants to be sure. And you’d hold your books tighter to your chest and nod so fast. He’d walk over to you and kiss you on your cheek and be all, “see you tomorrow, idiot.” And walk off like a bad bitch, cause that was pretty smooth, but once his back is to you and his headphones are on while he’s walking away BOY IS BLUSHING HARDDDD CAUSE HE’S LIKE did I really just do that oh shit 🥴

6. A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James: when I mentioned Tsuki liked to think about love this is exactly what I mean. He just wants something so relaxed and devoted and when he gets that with you? WHEW he is not letting that go!!

7. Black Dog - Arlo Parks: ok so this song itself is more intense than for what I’m writing for it and what it inspired me BUT this is really how Tsuki feels when he sees you overworking yourself. He can’t stand to see you stress so much over something, especially if it’s school, and then see you push your own limits in the favor of others. It’d definitely be a day where you come to his house to study but when you guys get there instead of pulling out the stuff from his bag he just sets it down and walks over to you and pulls you into his chest. After holding you for a while, he pulls back and makes you look up at him with his hands on your cheeks and leans down to kiss your forehead. “Are you ok?” It’s such a simple question but it really hits home and it’s one of the first times you guys simultaneously realize how much you care for each other. And you’d just hug him tighter and he decides nap time holds a little priority over studying right now.

8. come out and play - Billie Eilish: as smooth as Tsukishima can be or as clueless as he is, he’s also a shy lover for sure. It will take him a while to be genuinely soft and let his walls down and be vulnerable and tell you how much he cares about you, he try’s to show it as best as he can cause it can be easier than looking into your pretty eyes that make him all nervous and choke on his words while he tries to tell you he loves you. So it’ll take some coaxing and you being patient, but he’ll get there eventually and become more confident with his declarations of love.

9. Pleaser - Wallows: more on Tsuki being shy LMAO he wants to tell you he loves you SO BAD but he just cannot make himself do it

10. I’m Glad There Is You - Julie London: ok you mentioned slow dancing in the kitchen type songs? Stop it this is the one - to me this is the introvert love anthem , perfect for you two right? Like you’d be playing music in the kitchen while you two are cooking and this song would come on and normally he’s not a person who shows his affection much but this song would just get to him? Like he almost wants to cry??? He just looks at you, and maybe you’re humming a little, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t care cause you’re just so bright and gorgeous and the more he hears the song, the more his heart is starting to swell thinking of you. And so he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d just come up behind you and lean down so his head his resting on top of yours and his arms are wrapped around you. He leans down a little farther and presses a soft but long kiss to your cheek and just whispers how he loves you and hugs you tight one more time before going back to his part of cooking dinner; as if that wasn’t the first time he was finally able to tell you that.

11. Linger In My Arms A Little Longer Baby - Peggy Lee: kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music !! I feel like once Tsuki dances with you ONCE he’d be addicted 😶 like you just look so happy and it hits him in his gut in the best way and he’d kill to feel like that with you again 🖤

12. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles: stop I fucking love Harry styles when I say Tsuki sees you as his home I MEAN it, it doesn’t matter what happens between you two. Sure, like any couple you guys argue and it can be rough sometimes, problems can arise it’s natural. But Tsukishima would never be the type to say something he doesn’t mean or do anything to ruin the relationship, you’re his person and no matter how much you two argue he’d always be sure you know he loves you and you’re the most important thing to him, and you’re very aware of that.

13. I Think I Like It When It Rains - Willis: ok a little bit of angst! In those difficult moments, sure sometimes Tsuki does wish it was like how it was a while ago when the pining and awkwardness was still there and you would go home after studying and you’d both still be giddy and trying to calm yourselves down. Cause the pining and awkward feelings were easy to solve, but these problems are harder, they’re the ones you solve for the long haul. But once he takes a breather he knows this is so much more important and worth it, and he’s reminded of how much he really loves you.

14. I CHOOSE YOU - Adam Melchor: you really would be living in Tsukis mind rent free LMAO and while he was all grumpy at first at the fact he even wanted your attention he’s so happy now it’s so cute pls. He goes to the store and sees something you like?? Yeah he’s buying it. Hears a song you might like? He adds it to the playlist you guys share (yes you would have one from when you would study together all the time and you’ve just kept it and he always add songs to it still for you) all in all, you take up his mind 25/8 now and he’s accepted it with a smile on his face

15. this is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler: introvert love anthem #2, this is literally so cheesy and I hope it fits your taste but anyways!! Falling in love is just so easy for you guys, it’s the easiest thing Tsuki’s ever done, and he holds a lot of pride to that statement.

——————

that’s it!!! That’s the thing!! Gosh I really hope you like it !! Thank you for being so patient and kind to me again, and don’t forget to message me if you need a change

-🐇out

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyu requests #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu playlist #haikyuu hcs #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #hq tsukishima #tsukishima imagine #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima x you #kei tsukishima

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rikiflowers · 3 years

Text

being enough; levi

genre: angst and fluff

warnings: cursing

- 3.6k words; Levi Ackerman x female reader; college au

you just want to be with him

You were tired. Not only were you sleep deprived for-you don’t actually how long- ages, also your mental health wasn’t in a stable place. Your constant fear to fail in every area of your life, does the rest. You were so tired, that you only lay in your bed, your eyes kept staring on the ceiling. It was pitch black in your room; your head sunk into your many stuffed animals. You were glad that your roommate was never here. She snucks out to her boyfriend’s place, so you could be for yourself. You sigh, hearing loud banging and bass boosting music from 2 rooms next to you.

It was always like this, so you got used to it, but today was an exception. Anger bubbles in your body. Couldn’t they be doing drugs and loud music at some other time, when you’re not like this? The void seems to consume you and you wished you could fill it; with him. You knew it was just sex, but your heart yearns for more, than he could ever give you. But you got along with this, feeling your body getting number with every shared kiss, every thrust and every intimate moment, which isn’t real.

You flinch as you heard your door open. For a second you thought your roommate was there but as soon as you hear his voice, your heart begins to flutter. “Why’s so dark in here are you vampire?”. He states, without a sign of a joke, but you knew it was. You don’t reply, instead you just lay there. You forgot he was coming to your place.

“You dead?”, he snaps at you, while he makes room for himself on your bed. I wish, you wanted to say, but instead you sit up, loop your arms around him. You buried yourself in his defined chest, feel his heartbeat through his hoodie. “What’s up?”, he asks confused, because he never seen you like this, and you could tell he’s a little overwhelmed with the whole situation. His hands grab your arm, pushing you just a lightly away.

“Will you fucking tell me what’s up or should I guess?”, he groans annoyed and his tone, you’re normally used to, scatter salt in your open wounds. Right now, you were too sensitive, everything you want is just smelling his scent that calms you down, usually. Right now, you can’t find the peace you desperately looking for.

“Fuck you.”, you mumble, avoiding his eyes. He only scoffed. “I came here to have a little stress relief and now you’re the one making a fuss huh.”, he coldly says, and it hurts. You fucking know. You both are just parties who fuck, nothing more. You fling his hand away. “Go.”. You didn’t want to say this.

He stands up, without a word and you’re hurt. You want to scream at him, tell him how you want- What do you want?

“Text me when you’re not being a brat.”, he adds and you’re about to throw him out of the window. The door shuts loudly, making you realize what just happened. In a blink of an eye, you frighten away the only one you wanted to keep. You kept staring at the door, hoping he would come back, but his wouldn’t happen. You and Levi were just fuck buddies. Noting more nothing less. It was a secret, you told nobody. Not even your shared circle of friends. You were professionals to keep it a secret.

You realize how you fucked up. What did you expect? That he would graze through your hair, kiss your problems away? You didn’t even want it yourself so why were you so desperate for this kind of affection? Levi wasn’t this kind of person, so were you. That’s why it was never complicated; Until now. Until feelings got in the way.

You curse under your breath, keeping the damn tears, not worth of escaping. You ask yourself what just happened.

…

“I’m fucked.”

Hanji lets out a frustrated sound, their head banging loudly in the table. You’re petting your friend’s head and Erwin lets out a low chuckle. “How often did I tell you to study for this test?”. Hanji growls and you and Erwin exchange gazes. You stretch out your arm, snapping his holy chocolate drink away from him. “Hey, that’s mine?”. You only grin at him, open his favourite drink and taking a delicious sip. “That’s for being a bigmouth.”, you only say and he only scoffs, but gifts you a cheeky smile hat says, ‘payback is bitch’.

“Hanji, let’s study next time okay? If you pass, I’ll give you 10 packs of your favourite gummy bears- “. You couldn’t finish speaking, because Hanji suddenly clings on you, like you’re their personal saviour, robbing the air out of your throat. “How could I deserve a best friend like you?”, they cried out, the whole canteen was looking at you. “Shithead, they’re looking at you.”

A new voice appears. It was Levi and your mind went automatically blank. After the last not so well proceeded meeting, you didn’t speak to each other. A whole weekend has passed, and you weren’t sure how to act. How did you act before? Why was this so hard now?

“Shorty shut up.”, Hanji spats cheekily, while the man only scoffs, takes his seat next to Erwin. You stare onto your plate, not sure what you’re doing, but you felt his eyes for a split second on you, covered under the attention of your friends. You felt your cheeks burning. Damn your body kindly betrays you.

You felt a rough hand on the back of your hand. You knew it was Erwin’s. “Everything’s alright?”, he only whispers, unheard for the others. You look at him, gave him a reassuring smile, that says ‘don’t worry’

You felt his blue eyes bore into you. He doesn’t believe you, while should he? He knows you better than everyone and yet you lie to him, without missing a second. While you two are having a silent argument, the other two doing their duty to insult themselves. They’re friends, actually, even when it doesn’t look like this. What you don’t register are Levi’s glimpses he gave you. He doesn’t want to admit, but his mind found itself at he thought of you and Erwin and he doesn’t like it. You’re not acting like yourself and he secretly wants to know the reasons behind it; But he’s too afraid to ask.

“You want to meet up at the library for the next assignment?”, Erwin asks you and you gladly go along. Studying with Erwin was always calm, organized and precise. You did actually get work done (different with Hanji).

“When?”

“After today’s class and after our study session I treat you your favourite pizza.”. You smile. “I love you; you know that?”, you let out, wanting to smooth your best friend right now. “Hey, what’s with the lovey dovey?”. Hanji speaks up and you only cringe. “What the fuck?”, you’re letting out and nearly fell from your seat. Hanji and you laugh so loud, that you were entertaining the whole area, but it doesn’t matter.

“Erwin did you hear this?”, you choked out, between your laughs that are actually looking painful, because of your tears escaping your eyes. He heard and Levi did too. Suddenly the raven-haired stands up and leaves, without looking at you. You were instantly quiet, followed with your eyes the disappearance of him. It prickles in your chest, because you promptly thought you did something wrong. “Huh, what’s with him?”, Hanji asks, instead of you. Erwin only shrugs. “He didn’t tell me.”, he only adds, leaving no room for more discussion.

You had the sudden urge to follow him; But you knew it was out of question. Levi wanted it to be a secret between you two. You aren’t even sure if this what is between is still there. Being anxious wasn’t even a term. You decided to text him after your study session with Erwin, hoping he would reply.

….

Why couldn’t you be so focused like Erwin who looks like the god himself, studying with no break and then he explains everything so nicely to you? How is he even real? Your head feels so heavy, lying on your arm, while Erwin buried himself in the books before him.

You smiled, while looking at him. Sometimes there was a little voice in your head, asking why you couldn’t have developed feelings for him? He was perfect in every aspect, he cares, and you knew he had a crush for you long time ago. You loved the silence, and the library was the perfect place for it. Just very few students gather in these halls.

“You’re sleepy, y/n.”, the blond states, earns a mumbling from you. “no, I’m studying.”, you answer, and you hear him chuckle. He ruffles trough your hair, ignoring your pouting, while his finger slightly massaging your scalp. “I don’t know drooling on the books is supposed to be studying.”. Instantly you’re straightening your back and wipe the evidence away. “I’ll grab some coffee and then I’m fit for use. You want some too?”, you ask him, while standing up. He waves and you’re making your way.

You hate that you can’t think straight. The situation with Levi nibbles on your nerves and you couldn’t handle these feelings well, already feeling unease in your stomach. You head out of the library, to go to the vending machines, standing some meters away on the side of the library complex. The sun was slowly setting, and you paused for a while. It was nearly 4 pm and the glow was nearly perfect. The sun feels so nice on your skin that you’re nearly drowning in this moment, completely forgetting your environment.

“Oi.”. You snap out of your daydreaming and the first thing you see was him. Levi, who looks like he actually wants to murder you. It wasn’t his normal stern face; he doesn’t seem in the mood at all. “Hi?”, you reply, feeling already giddy. It was his effect on you. You were already on your knees.

“You could at least tell me your feelings before you fucked with me.”

Your eyes wide, unable to process his statement. “Huh?”, was everything that left your lips and he just scoffed. His expression changes. He looks just dead annoyed and kind of arrogant. “Don’t play with me.”.

You didn’t know what he means. “Levi, I don’t get what you mean?”, you seriously tell him, and you feel how you feel your body tremble.

“Oh, you don’t know that you and Erwin have something going on I was just a side thing?”. He finally speaks and you couldn’t believe what he just said.

“I am fucking right and now go to him, he’s waiting.”. Levi turns around, but you were quicker. Ignoring his hateful gaze, that bores into you, you’re blocking his way. Your palms lie on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. “you’re an idiot, Levi.”.

“now you’re calling me names. How low.”, he snarls at you, took your hands and threw them away from you. You were a little taken back from his sudden action. “I don’t have anything going on with Erwin. I never had. If you had listened to me, you would know that it was you.”, you finally breathed out, what you always wanted to say; But too scared to do.

“always you.”, you added this in the storm of your feelings. For a bliss you looked into Levi’s grey eyes and then you ran back into the library, leaving him there. Levi is just standing there, in the middle of nothing and totally dumbfounded. He couldn’t handle what you just said. Why did you run away? Levi’s body tell him, to chase you, to ask you if this was true. He really wants to know, but instead of doing so, his body freezes, unable to reach out to you.

Why did he come here in the first place? He assumed that you had feelings for the blond. He watched him, slowly grazing through your hair and he was about to break every knuckle of Erwin’s hand. He had no entitlement to be actually jealous, but he couldn’t stop. He just saw you as someone who’s only there for him. It was out of question for him. He didn’t even have someone beside you. So, when he felt that you’re not like yourself anymore, your eyes miss the sparkle, every time you two are together, he was sure that you liked someone; Not him.

And here you were, telling him with your whole chest, that you like him? Him? Out of all the people that admire you? Levi wouldn’t commit to it loudly, but something in his brain always told him, that he didn’t deserve you at all, not you. When both of you made out at the party month ago, Levi couldn’t believe, that it’s really happened. He was on the constant brink, he could wake up and you’re not laying next to him, your warm skin brushing against his cold one. Now his nightmares were real. He fucked up. He fucked up so bad. You were bare before him, shouting your feelings at him and on the other hand Levi was too scared, too coward to admit.

You were running into the library. You didn’t know where else to go. You just want to leave the scene and him. Erwin instantly notices. His head peaks up, while you try to remain calm; But you couldn’t foul your best friend. He didn’t need to ask where your coffee is or why you had taken so long- He knew. “Let’s get out here, common.”.

Erwin was a pure angel. You couldn’t speak. Every try you would take; your tears would flow. He grabs your bag, insisting to carry it, while you’re looking like a lost sheep. The blond lead you out of the building and you’re hoping, Levi wouldn’t be there.

You can’t even bring yourself to look around, your eyes are fixed on the ground. “He isn’t here, y/n.”, he reassured you and you could finally breathe. “Erwin, I- “. Instantly tears escaping your eyes and you begin to sob uncontrollably, not finishing your sentence.

“I knew.”, he starts, and you look up to him. You could tell he was disappointed. “I thought you or Levi would tell me, so I waited.”. He sighs, ruffling through your hair, like he always does, and it soothes you a little. “We aren’t in a relationship, I doubt there would be something after this.”, you spoke, feeling your whole body tremble.

“After what?”.

“I confessed my feelings to him, I shouted them, and I ran.”, you answer, and you see Erwin’s little smile, creeping on his lips. “Huh?”

“Why you’re smiling like that?”, you add, waiting for an answer. “You two are unbearable. Thinking we wouldn’t sense something. You two really thought, we were that dense.”

“Hanji too?”. A chuckle was his answer and now you were dumfounded. It was so obvious for them and they kept quiet the whole time? “I hate you both.”, you spat at him with reddened eyes. “We love you too.”. You shove him playfully away, earning a laugh. “I can’t believe you.”, you shout annoyingly. “It’s so damn embarrassing.”

“I found it quite entertaining.”. You punch him. “Anyways it’s over now.”, you breathed out, feeling the tight knot in your heart. “I don’t think so and you know that.”, he interferes. You couldn’t reply to him. You don’t want it to be over. There was this huge misunderstanding between you two, that needs to be solved. He was never a side whatsoever. He was always your first priority, while you were questioning him; To think he thought the same, was draining; to say at least.

“We’ll see.”, was the last thing you would say for now. “I heard you’ll invite me to pizza.”, you changed the topic and Erwin kindly goes along. “I don’t know, when I ever said that.”. Whines left your lips, because he would now play with you. “I have receipts you said that!”, you pout, and he just laughs, leaving the university complex with you.

You knew he would treat you pizza.

….

It was exhausting, draining and everything that is sucking out every last energy you have. Avoiding Levi. It wasn’t your best move, but you didn’t know how to face the older one. Even if you see him in a distance, his raven hair peaks through other people, you ran away. Even Hanji couldn’t believe you two, calling you “lovesick teenager”. You punched them, every time.

Erwin was still around Levi and you were glad he does. They were also friends and you don’t want them to separate, just because you couldn’t talk this out.

“I’m so bad.”, you mumble, with your face buried in your arms. Hanji chuckles. “Looks familiar.”. You groan, wanting nothing more than a good portion of sleep; Forever. “y/n, it isn’t so bad, you can compensate this mark with…”, you don’t listen to them, because it wasn’t just the bad mark that’s on your mind. Your heart aches and it gets stronger, each time you refuse to gain some bravery to speak to him.

“I just wan to see his face…”, you whisper, and you expect Hanji to laugh at you, telling you to ‘just-go-see-him-it-isn’t-that-hard’, but instead there was silence.

“Then why you’re running away from me, woman.”

The first reaction to his voice, was to say ‘fuck’ and you heard Hanji laugh. Fuck. Why was he here, right in front of you and all the others who are watching? Your heart seems to jump out of your chest, while you’re desperately trying to find a way out.

“please go.”, you whisper, not facing him, because your face was red like fire. “No.”, he simply says, and you finally raise your gaze. He stands right before your desk, looking down on you and you feel yourself instantly drawn to him. You hated his effect on you.

“Everyone is watching, you don’t like that.”, you spat, harsher than you want. Why couldn’t you just think straight for once? Levi only scoffs, his hoodie hanging loose on his defined body. “Stop this bullshit y/n and please let us talk.”. Who was he to call this? Why were you so in a mess, that you see his behaviour as provocative?

“I- “. You don’t know anymore. Maybe it was your pride speaking, not yourself. Everything in you was burning, not knowing how to handle the situation well. His eyes soften, ignoring the staring gazes of the others in the lecture hall. “Please.”. The soft and kind of desperate tone in his voice shift something in you. “When?”.

“Now? I heard it was your last lecture.”. You couldn’t decline. You just couldn’t; So, you only nod, excuse yourself from Hanji, who only smiles. You ignore the others, following the man, you’re so deeply in love with, outside. What should you say after your confession?

“Are you free to grab a tea?”, he quietly asks, while you two are heading out of the building. You just nod, having trouble to find the right words.

It was empty on the floor, only your footsteps could be heard. “y/n?”, he breaks the silence and you looked at him. “Can’t you please say something? I- I ‘m not used to you not talking.”, he demands and both halt. Your eyes bore into his. “and I’m not used to this.”, you reply, mentioning his different behaviour.

The mood was tearing. “I know.”.

“but I want to apologize for being such an ass, accusing you of something, just because I couldn’t face my own insecurity of not being good enough for you.”, he breathes out, while his eyes are focused on something else, not looking at you. You could this was difficult for him. His ears were red, not hidden form his silky, black hair.

“Why in the world could you think something like this?”, was the first thing that left your lips. Levi, the most wanted man on the campus was afraid of not being good enough for someone like you? You could only imagine how deep his insecurities root and a part in you always want to discover them.

“The evening, when you left… I was desperate to have you. I just wanted you to hold me, to tell me you’re here and you left.”, you came clean and he looks ropey. It makes your heart ache so much, that you just want to hold him.

“I was anxious, that you want to end things. I misread and I am sorry.”. You sense that he was really sorry. He confesses his feelings out here, not caring for someone to overhear it. “Thank you.”.

Your answer surprises him and you see him searching for words. “I should thank you, y/n. For loving someone like me.”.

That gave you the rest. You instantly found yourself into him. His arms wrap around your frame, drowning you into his scent, you were missing so much. You take a longs exhale, feeling his racing heartbeat against your ear. “you are an idiot.”, you muffle against his hoodie, feeling tears prickling again. He chuckles low, kissing your scalp softly, while his finger grazes over your back. This was more than you could ever ask for. Just him.

“I’m trying y/n okay?”.

You only nod against his chest, squeezing into him more, until you become one. There was more to talk about, but that’s for later.

#levi #levi aot #levi x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #angst and fluff #levi ackerman #anime

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trashbaget · 3 years

Note

its been a hot second so

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

eliza!!! my sweet!!! my darling!!!! my beloved!!!! oh how i’ve missed you!!!!

thank you so so much for this i really needed it 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💗💗💗💗💗💗✨✨✨✨✨

i hate that i’ve been so inactive on here for a while 😢 it’s really such a happy fuckin place for me on here, but i’ve been frustratingly busy and bogged down with work that i’ve fallen behind on from going through rough patches and fuck life is difficult right now. so this really means a lot, thank you 🥺💖

i think about you and everyone else i love on here all the fucking time and how i miss talking to y’all.

✨i’ve been able to be more active on discord lately if anyone wants to reach me there! ☺️ (raeisgae#0581)✨

and there’s so so much that i want to work on that i haven’t been able to but i think about daily, so to give myself a little boost of serotonin i’m just gonna gush about all the things i miss and the projects i want to work on soon (oh that ambiguous little devil word):

fanboy chapter 2!! i know so many of y’all are waiting in agony for it (bot nearly as much as me tho!!) and i have been thinking about it incessantly lately. i managed to get a little bit of edits started a little while ago, but this is a huge priority for when i get caught up with work!!

restoring my glorious dignity of being the yearniest bitch on the whole fucking blockg and getting back into weekly yearning spams!!

spamming y’all with all the tagged posts & asks i have chilling collecting dust and waiting for the light of day

reflections in blood analysis!! i now have rib printed out on paper to make annotating easier and i’m so fucking excited to write a wholeass essay about my own fic like it’s a 16th century text i have to decipher

more fanmixes!! in particular: a buck growth(?) mix, a pining era eddie mix, & a firefam chosen family mix

buddie one shot?! there’s this new idea floating around my brain that i’ve been wanting to pick at but haven’t had the chance to yet (i know nothing about it essentially, except that it gives me rib vibes, but only the prose and style, it’s not sad ahskdk,,,,, i think,,,,,,?)

911 characters as my favorite albums! this is an idea i’ve had for a while for a series of some sort, and i think it’ll be something collage-esque

i’ve finally finally finally been able to fucking read again so i desperately want to get to reading all the incredible fics my beautiful and talented friends have been posting so i can support y’all!!!!

addendum to the above item, specifically for my beloved drish @bazgallaghermilkovich: i have been thinking about it nonstop for fucking weeks and all i fucking want is a chance to catch up with cg and spam your ask box with my reactions but i cant. catch. a break. and it. is. infuriating. but fucking soon!!!! i desperately desperately want to get back to reading it soon!!!!!! i fucking miss screaming about it with you!!!!!!!!

also, music mondays have been falling behind and it makes me quite sad, so i want to get back to doing those regularly too. (i’m hoping to do a three parter this week to make up for missing the last couple, but who knows if/when that’ll happen, but i can guarantee it won’t be on monday ahskfkf)

so that’s where i’m at lovelies!!!! i miss you all immensely and i think about you all the time!!!!!! i thought about tagging a bunch of you specifically to tell you i’ve been thinking about you but i don’t want to tag a bunch of people if they maybe don’t want to be tagged in this post that’s basically just me rambling on about nonsense alakdjfjsj so i’m just gonna pin it lmaoo

✨💕love you all!!! miss you all!!! i hope i’ll be more active soon!!!💕✨

#📫 here’s the mail it never fails ✉️#a bitch speaks #enbyeddiediaz #eliza tag #eliza my beloved thank you 🥺💗✨

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kinder-writes-surprises · 4 years

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Vision Blab: Plot? Never!

Hi, writer’s block is a BITCH and I have a personal grudge against it, however I also value my terrible writing, so I’m here to dump some Vision x Reader porn :)

PS. this sucks don’t read it if you don’t want to :)

-Mod Pasta🍜🍝

Word Count: 4758

It felt like you were drugged: You were absolutely and completely addicted to a computer with legs. His skin was tough like a rhinovirus, yet smooth on the outside, small patterns of hexagons only a trained eye could detect, with little bumps all over it and the chilled, metallic feeling of the outside of a gun. Sinking your teeth into that skin felt like a distant dream until the lock down.

You were used to staying in the base, but not being trapped inside. A small misunderstanding with the US Government had Captain America on the run. Stark assured all of the Avengers, including yourself, that the situation would be resolved in a few days time, and to just hunker down and perform your daily routine as usual, save for the lack of one teacher and the ability to leave and get donuts.

"I just don't see why he's gotta be up in their faces," Rhodey was clearly voicing his concerns to Sam, who hadn't been in contact with Rogers since he accidentally blew a "place" up. You were in the kitchen chopping vegetables to make a simple stew, watching them with feigned amusement. They already had this conversation two hours ago, five hours ago, and right when the facility went on lock down. You clicked your tongue, garnering their attention.

"Let the situation play out, we already know he's innocent," You went back to chopping the vegetables, throwing what you had in the pot and setting aside the others for precooking. Sam sat down with a sigh.

"Maybe, but the military doesn't know that," He raised his eyebrows, seeming apprehensive. Rhodey shook his head, hands on his hips.

"We need to step in and resolve this," He snapped, and you locked eyes with him before giving a decisive chop.

"If we step in, we risk escalating it. Your name is War Machine," You reminded him with deadpan in your eyes. He looked away with a twinge of embarrassment.

"True. This just feels wrong," He sighed, scratching the back of his head and glancing at the big pot you were adding to, "Whatcha making?"

"Stew. I figured we all needed some comfort food," A voice from the hallway behind you caught everyone's attention: a feminine, thick accent.

"It smells divine," The magical girl offered you a small smile, which you returned in full as you set the heat for the oil in the other pain.

"Thank you Wanda," You gave her a nod, "It'll be ready in time for dinner."

"Dinner? Oh c'mon it's lunch time!" Rhodey whined, and Sam nodded, looking to you expectantly. You scoffed, eyes wide.

"I'm not your maid, nor your mother. Make a sandwich," You chuckled, shaking your head. Wanda giggled, walking behind you to get to the fridge.

"If you slice the meats, I will make the rest," The boys were up and ready immediately, enticed by the idea of immediate food. You had to explain that stewing took time, and unbeknownst to you, a watchful eye was taking the information in, fascinated by the family recipe. Where were the instructions, rules, parameters? How did you know this all? Most human customs could be found on the internet, but not everything.

The same pair of blue eyes graced your presence for dinner, when everyone got together at the table and enjoyed the stew. Natasha commented that it reminded her of Russia, but Stark reminded her that leeks were Asian. The individual who couldn't eat tried to stay out of the conversation, but was eventually brought in as a human calculate to give Stark some closure on a bet with Rhodey.

You watched on with amusement, eyes mostly lingering around the neck of the walking AI. The way it moved when he spoke, the slow nods he gave that reminded you of a therapist gathering information. Your eyes travelled in from his broad shoulders to his collarbone, admiring the structure and wondering yet again how it tasted. The texture under your tongue would definitely be admirable, but you wondered if the robot could even have such thoughts. Surely he didn't understand the complexity of pining, wanton need, and he probably didn't even have a libido, much less one that matched yours that raged whenever he was near.

Your stolen glance at the man didn't remain unnoticed, "So, did you make the food just to distract us from you eating him with your eyes, or am I missing something?" Natasha asked cockily, and you nearly choked, turning to her with cheeks insanely dark. You were eternally grateful that she had kept her voice down, but the smug expression on her face gave most of the situation away.

"Natasha..." You scowled, face still red. She nodded, shoving a piece of stew meat into her mouth. She leaned closer from her seat beside you.

"He's a robot, subtle isn't his thing," She chuckled, and you groaned softly, looking down at your plate with complete embarrassment. You hadn't expected to be called out so obviously.

"It's my thing," You gave her wide warning eyes, to which she clicked her tongue and turned back to the boys, continuing the conversation.

You were safe from her teasing for the rest of the dinner. Most people resided to their rooms to do whatever heroes do after a long day's work and not being able to go out. Your idea had involved eating a spicy snack while watching a horror movie, but upon remembering the small smile Vision gave you during dinner, your focuses turned elsewhere.

His blue eyes, so captivating, so curious. You wondered if he was curious about the human body, if he had ever studied sex, if he'd taken a liking to any parts of it. Your hands travelled downwards, removing your bottoms and underwear. Movie and snacks forgotten, you turned the volume up a bit to cover your inevitable moans. No other ima`ginary bedroom fantasies could make you like this, but Vision? The soft soul who wishes only good on others, who yearns for friendship from everyone in the compound, who memorizes the staff's coffee orders just in case of a rainy day... You were head over heels for this man.

The rooms were mostly sound proof, but you were still paranoid, so you bit into your pillow while you worked yourself up, imagining it was his patterned, smooth hands, perhaps he would like you to match a pair of lingerie to his ruby red... well, you assumed it was skin. It was vibranium, but still.

Pumping in and out of you, figuring out what drove you mad and not stopping until he had pushed you over the edge, both of you excited for the finale. Your toes sunk into the bed sheets, your other hand roaming your body before resting on your clit, massaging it and causing your back to arch while you soft cooed the name of who you wish was your torturer.

It was a dreadful habit of his: he forgot that others couldn't phase through walls, and he ended up seeing things others would rather him not see. Half naked, them watching something out of character, etc. Alas, he was working on it...

He had stayed with Sam for a bit after dinner. He reminisced catching a sneak peak of the woman who made it, mesmerized by her harmonious movements, the quick quips back at Rhodey and Sam for wanting food sooner, and her shy humbleness during dinner when Stark complimented the dish. She was gorgeous, brave, and most of all, according to the internet, she liked him back.

She turned pink at all the right times, stumbled over her words only when speaking with him, and either is trying to violently get away from him or spend all of her time with him. He had downloaded all the information necessary to flirt, although seeing as Stark called them useless, he was back to square one.

Sam and him talked about his wings and the difference between flying with them and just having the ability to fly. Once Sam became bored, they both turned in for the night. Vision picked up after himself and went back to make sure the table was cleaned. Once he was sure everything was in order for the night, he made his way to the hall. With his enhanced hearing, he noticed what each Avenger was doing in their rooms. Bathing, watching TV, training, and some making noises he had learned meant to stay out.

Except he hadn't ever heard those noises from this particular room. It was (F/N)'s room, and he attempted to ignore them, keeping his head high and pace steady until he faintly heard his own name. He paused, then turned around elegantly to go back, standing in front of her door.

There again was his name, moaned in a long, drawn out voice that ended with more panting. It almost sounded like she was working out, but he knew from limited experience that he shouldn't take his chances. It was covered by a thick layer of music, but why would she say his name in such a way?

So he looked back down the hall, mind working a mile a minute. She was calling for him... Perhaps she was thinking about punching him? That would set his admiration scale back to below zero, like when he first met her. But the sweet sound of her voice didn't sound like it held hatred...

In fact, it sounded like it held pain. It previously felt euphoric, but it had suddenly become more desperate and higher pitched. If she was being assassinated, he would never forgive himself for not checking immediately. Her TV was also on, the assailant could be using it as a cover. He stepped through her door, making himself known before he saw her, "Miss (F/N)-"

The scream that erupted from the girl on the bed set his nerves on fire, and a few shuffles from other rooms could be heard. He stood in surprise: Her hands had been between her legs, fingers inside of herself. Her body laid out like a delicate flower, chest pushed up and muscles contracted. Upon hearing his voice, her immediate reaction was to scream and bolt upright, eyes wide and panting. She grabbed her bed sheets and covered herself, all while shouting at the shocked man.

"Fuck - oh my gods - GET OUT! Get out Vision, what the fuck? Get out!" She screamed, face beet red and clearly furious. He was given a stark reminder as to why he needed to knock.

"My apologies, I heard you calling my name and-" She didn't let him finish, instead wrapping herself in her sheets and pushing off the bed, her eyes spelling murder.

"You didn't fucking knock? What the HELL. You've got some fucking nerve, android," She snapped, stomping furiously toward him, obviously still embarrassed by her flushed expression. He put his hands up, genuinely worried that she would attack him. Instead, she stopped in front of him, "Why aren't you out? Get out!"

"I'm sorry, so sorry (F/N)," He took a hesitant step back, beginning to understand was real embarrassment was like. She was practically fuming, and before he could leave, she grabbed his arm, teeth grinding together while she tried to string a sentence together.

"Do you even - understand - how wrong.... what you did... was?" Her grip was tightening, and he observed her starting to try and calm herself down with deeper breathes.

"What you were doing was a personal, human affair," He stated with a hesitant nod, and you were about to nod with him, but you thought of a better option. When he first scared the living shit of out you, your reaction was purely instinct. Now that you were thinking straighter, you realized that if you could push your dignity to the side, perhaps you could get what you've been wanting...

You were still riled up after all, and you knew that learning how to be human was something he adored, "If you're trying to exclude yourself from that group," You took another deep breath, using your grip on his arm to steady yourself, "Technically, I mean, you can probably..." You looked down to his navel region, nodding. When your eyes snapped back up, you were met with a confused set of robotic eyes.

"I'm not following your logic, Miss (F/N)," His velvety accent wasn't doing your aching core any good. If he didn't leave soon, you might not be able to stop yourself from jumping him, "Are you saying you don't wish for me to leave you?"

"I'm not - wait, I'm just -" As he tugged away from you, you tried to pull him back, and he got closer than before, his eyes scanning your face with curiosity, "Do you remember when you first came here?"

"Yes, I remember my birth quite vividly," He nodded slowly.

"And you remember how you made clothes for yourself, then a big ol' cape?"

"Yes," His voice was a whisper now, as if he was starting to follow your reasoning, "So what you are saying is... You think I can create a penis?"

"Always straightforward, eh?" You don't think your cheeks could get any darker at this point. He so obviously stated that, as if talking about the weather. You swallowed hard, struggling to maintain eye contact.

"I could try, but I need an example," He reminded you, and you finally let go of his arm, wrapping your own around your stomach in a protective, shy manner. The corners of his mouth raised up slightly, as if amused.

"Example..." You whispered to yourself, looking at the ground, "It's uh... I mean, you don't even have to do this..."

"But (F/N), you have peaked my curiosity, and you seem to have thought about this before," He stepped forward with the confidence of a pride of lions as always, placing a hand on your arm delicately. This must be a dream - never in a hundred years did you think this situation would happen. This was something out of a cheesy porno...

"Maybe I have," You whispered, then cleared your throat, looking behind you at the loud TV, "I... Vision, this is a lot more important than you realize," You looked back at him, and he looked as placid as always. You tried to get the message to sink in, "Sex, Vision. Sex means a lot. It bonds two people, it's not just... Casual, between friends, at least it's not usually..."

"We are both unusual people," His hand traced up to your neck as he took another step forward, almost closing the gap between you. Your hand shot up to cover his own, leaning your head into it.

"I don't want this to be between friends," You sighed, glancing between his arm and his eyes, "Please."

"You wish for this to be between lovers?" He sounded almost breathless. You'd never seem him this surprised before, not even when Stark had painted his entire room pink as a prank. You nodded with wide eyes, smiling.

"Yeah, that. I'd love to do this as lovers," You stayed put, waiting for his confirmation.

"That would be... New. But you seem like a lovely teacher," You closed the gap between you, reaching up behind his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

Once your feelings were established, you brought him to the bed, sitting down on the edge with your laptop. You felt like Stark would tease you for your search history, but you typed in "Erect penis," and scrolled through a few photos before landing on one. You handed the laptop over to the robotic man, and he studied it shamelessly. As he did, he muttered, "Could you turn your TV down, I'm terribly sorry, but I must focus."

"Of course, yeah," You bolted up, rushing to the TV. You turned it off completely, and when you sat back down, you observed him nodding slowly to himself.

"The structure is fairly simple. How large is it, might you say?" The question caught you off guard, and you scrambled for an answer. It's not like you thought about penises every day.

"Uh, sizes vary, but uh, the average is about five and a half inches tall. Most guys want more, girls too I guess," You pressed your lips together, looking away from him as he closed the laptop, the silence suddenly much too loud for your liking. This was about to happen - This was about to happen. You were going to teach a robot to love the old fashion way, and your adrenaline was surging.

He looked at you with confusion, but nodded, "What would you want?"

"Oh my gosh," You whispered to yourself, covering your mouth with your hand. He recognized the expression and was quick to apologize for stepping out of line, but you shook your head, "No, it's just... This is all so lewd. Like, you're asking me to choose what size... okay, um, seven inches? Is that okay?" Your voice was rising in pitch.

"Yes. Are you alright, (F/N)? You seem almost scared of me," He leaned closer to you, and out of embarrassment, you leaned away groaning and chuckling.

"I'm horny Vision, read my vitals or something," You waved him off, embarrassed, and he nodded slowly. Turning back to him with a small smile, you studied his robotic face that held that same curious emotion as always.

"My research has said I, as the male, should control the situation. Is this correct to your standards?" Your eyes widened, and you cocked a sassy eyebrow before smirking and scooting closer to him.

"You'll have to fight for control, Vision," You traced down his leathery metallic arm, "I've wanted this, I've wanted you to ruin me, but if you construct the nerves right," You swung yourself around, dropping the blanket covering you and straddling his legs, "I can ruin you," You gave him a confident smile, and he tilted his head to the side.

You were going crazy with the feeling of your bare skin against his synthesized own. You leaned closer, but before you could kiss him, he shifted his body weight and you were suddenly under him, breathless, "That wasn't much of a fight, (F/N)."

"Oh fuck me," You muttered with a voracious grin, shifting him back over and pushing him against the bed by the shoulders, taking a mouthful of his neck and biting. He gawked, then lightly pushed your head away. You were attached like a leech, however, and he chuckled nervously.

"This would break my capillaries (F/N), are you trying to-? Oh, a hickey," For a robot, he was still pretty slow on the update, "I could allow such things," Grinding against him while you bit, enjoying the fleshy, metallic taste, you were surprised when he pushed himself to sit up, and you tried to push him back down.

However, you felt his skin disappear, and you fell against the bed. Before you could turn around, his hips were pressed against your ass, and his hands holding you in place, "Please behave, (F/N)."

As hot as he sounded, you wouldn't go down without a fight. You struggled, pushing against the male. He stayed in place like a brick wall, but when you felt his "breath" against your neck, you paused, your breath hitching.

"I do hope this doesn't hurt," You cried out lewdly when he sank his teeth into the back of your neck, pressing your legs together uncomfortably and grinding back against him. You moaned as he pulled at the skin, his lips rough but gentle against your skin. His arms were on either side of your head, and through your haze of lust, you saw an opening.

You hooked an arm around his own, shifting your weight and slamming his back against the bed. You twisted expertly, straddling him and grabbing his wrists. You pushed them down, and he stared at you with wide eyes, flickering down to your lips, then back up, "You seem to prefer the power, should I let you have it?"

"Don't give up now Vision," You were panting, "The play just adds to-" He tried to slip out of your grasp, and you pulled away when his hands were free, turning around to scramble off when he grabbed your waist, pulling you back onto his lap. You clawed his arms that were wrapped around you, then melted when one travelled up to your breast, the cold metal soothing you immediately.

"Relax (F/N), this is my first time, I don't want to have to hurt you," You felt your stomach twist around with anxious glee; he was starting to get the hang of this. You needed him inside of you though, so you ground back against him, wanton and needy.

"M-Make it Vision," You whispered, and he went silent. You thought you had done something wrong, but then you felt something poke against your ass, and you immediately knew that he had succeeded.

"Mission successful," He teased, and you laughed, shaking your head, "I hope you remember to hide it after this."

"I will," He then shifted against you, the metallic penis pressed across your labia, "Will you let me aid you, (F/N), or must I fight for dominance more?"

"N-No, I'll obey," You mentally slapped yourself. It wasn't like he was your master or anything, you just wanted to give him the full treatment, "Please yourself and me, don't..." You whimpered, grinding against him for more friction, "Don't leave yourself without any pleasure."

"I must say, the amount of nerve endings in the genitalia is astounding," You laughed breathily at his words, but reached down to grab his penis, "Let me," You paused upon grabbing it, the girth and length exactly as you had specified.

"Alright," He then released his grip on you.

"Lay down," You followed his command, "Please," You chuckled at him remembering his manners. Your heart quickened when he crawled on top of you. You placed one hand on his chest, and grabbed his shoulder with the other, "Shall I?"

"Please," You leaned up to kiss him, and he met you with gentle fervour. His cold tip pressed into you, and you shivered. He then sent some sort of signal to his pelvis region, and it heated up to body-temperature, "Thanks," You chuckled.

"I forgot how cold my skin is compared to your delicate own," He pressed on, and finally he was almost completely sheathed. You would need to stretch a little to take all of him, however.

"I'm not delic-cate..." You whispered, "I'm an assassin."

He pulled back, then snapped his hips forward, sending stars across your vision and a soft whimper from your lips, "I must disagree, you are metaphorically melting underneath me."

"Fuck," You whined, and he started a rhythm, making your head spin. When he finally was able to completely sheath within you, you rolled your hips against him, "Tell me h-how you feel, Vision."

"I assumed the nerve endings would cause me to feel pain, however," He paused, "I feel a nearly overwhelming sense of oxytocin."

"Human t-terms, Vision," He started to move, and you whimpered, rolling against him again. He got the idea and started to thrust slowly and cautiously, as if testing what level of his vast strength this would take.

"It feels very good," He chuckled shortly, his usual 'laugh' due to his nearly completely nonexistent sense of humour.

"Don't la-ah..." Before you could tell him not to laugh at you, he hit a particularly sweet spot inside of you, raising your voice an octave and causing your eyes to shoot open, staring into his perplexed, interested own.

"How peculiar," He whispered, and like a robot would, he adjusted to only thrusting into that particular part of you. He was also picking up the pace in a methodical way.

"It-Ah, oh my gods, oh wow..." You grabbed the sheets under you, then grabbed his shoulders, taking deep breaths to try and get a hold of yourself, "Fuck... oh my gods Vision..."

"Please calm yourself (F/N), you're becoming quite loud," He almost sounded proud of himself, that bastard. You, however, didn't have much control over your moans, and you grit yourself, pushing a shaky breath out.

"Shut me up then," You let out a particularly loud whine, and he quickly covered your mouth with his hand, the other going to grab your waist to continue his ministrations. You felt your orgasm getting closer, and you grabbed his shoulder blades, writhing around and arching against him.

When it happened, you screamed against his hand, and his eyes widened, his hips not stopping. Your chest was heaving, and your legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him deeper into you. He didn't understand what you meant, however, and continued to thrust.

When you were just whining and whimpering, he finally lifted his hand and stopped, looking you over just like when he had first seen New York: absolutely mesmerized. You were flush red, panting, arched against his cool skin, and almost completely at his mercy. Maybe with a couple more rounds you would do anything for him, but you hoped it would take a while for him to learn that. You pulled him down for another kiss, and when he pulled back, a shaky, tasteless breath graced your lips, "You are objectively beautiful."

"That's just your oxyto-so-whatever talking," You giggled, and he shook his head as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"I cannot lie unless I must, and why would I lie now? I could easily win against you-"

"If you say anything more," You had to take a couple deep breaths, still finding it hard to breathe, and envying his lack of needing to, "I'll tell Stark you know how to make a penis."

He nodded, and you had to laugh, shaking your head and sighing after. With him still inside of you, you sat comfortably for about a minute, then you asked him to pull out. He obliged, "You can talk now, just not about how pretty you think I am."

"You are, I must correct," You groaned, then whined, "Just lay next to me and cuddle, I think I only had one round in me."

"Cuddle..." He trailed on, his eyes narrowing in what you knew as 'searching the internet for every reference he can,' then he floated next to you and laid one arm across your stomach. You curled around him, wrapping a leg around his waist. You felt a distinct lack of penis now, noticing that he had dematerialized it. Not commenting on it, you cuddled closer. He seemed to heat up the part of his body you were cuddled into.

"You don't have to heat up that much... I kind of like how cold you are," You murmured, "It's you, distinctly you."

"Me," You felt him shift to look down at you, "I have a trait, that of a robot, that you view as special to me?"

"Some people are really warm, some are really cold. We call them human heaters or coolers. You're just a human cooler," You nuzzled into his chest, hugging him to you. He wrapped an arm under you, and you adjusted to get comfy. It wasn't like he would lose circulation overnight, assuming he would stay for a bit.

"Thank you," He spoke quietly, as if he didn't want to break whatever train of thought brought you to your conclusion. You swallowed hard, asking the inevitable question.

"What does this make us? Like, you know what dating is, right?"

"Of course," He rubbed your back softly, and you noted that it was right where it had been sore from earlier training. That bastard and his x-ray vision, "You may choose, for I have no experience to base this from."

"Let's call it dating, but not tell the others for a while, okay?" You smiled, starting to feel sleepy.

"Very well," He stayed in that position for a couple minutes until you realized something that brought the smile back to your now sleepy face.

"Did you make a heartbeat just for me?" You whispered, and he chuckled, the sound reverberating through his metallic chest.

"I thought it would sooth you. Would you like me to turn the lights down, (F/N)?"

"It does, and yes. Do you want to stay the night?" You felt your consciousness ebb and flow, and you fought to stay awake.

"Yes, I think I will."

#vision #vision x reader #the vision #the avengers #avengers #avengers civil war #marvel #scenario #smut #mod pasta

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cherry-interlude · 3 years

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Lana Del Rey Unreleased Ranking (5)

This is a re-ranking of Lana's unreleased songs, after making a first a few years ago. This is all my opinion, which I don't mind anyone disagreeing with but don't come for me for it - honestly, I like every song, despite any criticism, and this ranking is very vague. It's based on objective and subjective opinion.

This is the fifth of five posts, with my favourites.

Wild One

Lana is nostalgic without the sadness, remembering how she’d shake it for Mike but is embracing her freedom. She lets country influence seep through her voice and her uncomplicated instrumentals – it would be an unsurprising addition to Chemtrails

True Love On The Side

Though simple in structure and lyrics, it’s more Lana’s grittier rock sound and her incredible vocals that make this one of my favourite unreleased tracks. Lana lets herself go and goes full pop rock chick for this track, whilst keeping in with her ‘other woman’ trope that makes the song still familiar despite its departure from her usual music.

Driving In Cars With Boys

Dripping in nostalgia, Driving In Cars With Boys makes you yearn for the kind of 1950s/1960s era Lana often laments over. Lana is a bad girl just having fun, doing what she pleases and giving in to her vices, and it’s this kind of song that is relatable in its escapism and desire to just do what you please. There are two versions, one with a more monotone chorus that matches the rest of the verses and another where Lana sings in a higher register, letting her cheerful, breezy love for driving with the boys shine through in her vocals.

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Perfect for Paradise, Angels Forever Forever Angels has that slow, rhythmic summer drive feel, a relaxed version of Ride which also has associations with the bikers that feature in both the music video for Ride and the lyrics to this unreleased song. It’s dreamy but grounded by Lana’s patriotic love for the grungier side of Americana.

Hollywood

It has a breathy chorus you could sing to, the feeling of a summer evening and blue skies. The ever building and dropping beat that keeps the song ticking as restlessly as Lana’s hopes and dreams gets me feeling pumped as much as her emphasised, dragged out “Hollywood” in the chorus makes me soothed. Lana is wishing for fame and fortune but it has the feel of an eighties American teen movie, iconic and deserving of a cult following.

Yes To Heaven

Hazy like a daydream, Yes To Heaven is made of sunlight and soft grass, closer to nature than the spotlights of Lana’s often alcohol-soaked, money drenched stages. Lana’s voice is tentative until it shimmers in the chorus, and though it was made for Ultraviolence, it wouldn’t be out of place on the shining beacon of hope that is Lana’s positive turn, Lust For Life.

Life Is Beautiful

This gorgeous song was intended for Age of Adaline’s trailer, and it’s been years of waiting for the full song to be released. Now we have it, it’s certainly worth the wait. Dreamy and soft, this track is a timeless classic that could underwhelm from it’s gentle feel but works perfectly well as a pure little love song.

On Our Way

Stripped back and with a country twang, Lana doesn’t add fuss and frills to this song, instead just crooning precisely how she feels in the kind of song that keeps you daydreaming for hours. Not even the smattering of her favourite imagery (Chevrolets and K-Mart lip gloss) overshadows the love that’s at the forefront of this track.

Never Let Me Go

Like On Our Way, Never Let Me Go has the country twang and stripped back feel that makes this a more subdued song, her lyrics shining even more. Lana’s additional strings layer this song well and her comparisons to the dangerous couple that is Sid and Nancy gives this track an edge, keeping it from being too frothy.

French Restaurant

A piano ballad, Lana strips back the hurt of Without You and dual dedication of Video Games to sing about how fame matters so little to her while she’s torn between two men. Her voice is beautiful and it does well to be so minimal in its production, her emotion driving the song clearly enough. Especially pretty are the backing vocals of the choruses, echoes of her thoughts that hammer home her broken feelings.

Trash Magic

Lana’s delicate and soft vocals help tie into the Lolita-esque character Lana often plays in her music. It has a similar feel to 1949, dripping with her delicious imagery, and wouldn’t be out of place on AKA Lizzy Grant. Lana is the fragile ‘daddy’s girl’ again in this song, and the sharp yet soothing music in the background sets the tone for a quiet trailer park night.

Us Against The World

Though fairly chilled out, Lana still hooks listeners with her characterisation of waitress by day/stripper by night, a dangerous girl tempting an equally dangerous guy. Lana drips sexiness in this song and though it’s not as exciting as some of her other unreleased pop hits, it is perfect for the Del Rey character.

Your Girl

Much like Caught You Boy, Lana is desperate for a man she can’t have but is instead a complete wreck. Lana just repeats over and over how she wishes she was this man’s girl, practically pleading after describing how she needs to be led off the stage from falling apart. Yet it’s still sultry, still passionate, and is topped off by her honey-like vocal demonstration in the bridge and the chorus.

Roses

Lana is the other woman with a twist – instead of moping about her man (Other Woman, Sad Girl) she is taking action. Fighting against him, not letting him go without making some noise and getting rid of his girlfriend, Lana storms into the song with a vengeful wrath and calls him out for his poor attempts at apologies. When this song first came out, I adored it, since it was the exact kind of strong-girl track I wanted from her with a great hook and all the right Lana-isms. Now, I still get that thrill listening to this song and its kick-ass fuck-you to the man she loves.

Playing Dangerous

The churning drums, the spoken verses and the coy vocals set this song apart from her others. It falls shorter during the choruses, the verses being the best parts of the track, but the way Lana interacts with the listener ultimately and is a more direct character of ‘innocent’ seductress who might actually be downright bad (arson is hinted).

Serene Queen

Lana is unbothered and unruffled, as collected as she is in Put Your Lips Together but this time with a definite Ultraviolence/Honeymoon feel. Lana is unshaken by the blazing guns, instead completely calm with her dangerous lover, questioning why he even has a problem in the first place. As it picks up in the chorus, almost smirking, it becomes one of her finer unreleased songs yet.

Ave Maria

This is just an instrumental but there’s something so beautifully haunting about it. It wouldn’t be out of place in a Hollywood movie, with shades of the Lolita soundtrack instantly coming to mind when it first starts. It even works well without singing, and I hope we get a full version soon.

Puppy Love

From the perspective of a Marilyn Monroe figure, Lana plays the teenage girl wishing for a traditional romance with her lover. It’s ever-so-adorable, harking back to the sweeter parts of the fifties, but there’s a sense of sadness throughout it. Under the surface of the puppy love is the reality that the references to Monroe do not forget her sadness, loneliness and ultimately her overdose. The tone shifts to such an unhappiness in the bridge, directly calling back to Monroe’s phone call shortly before she overdosed, twisting the song to something more melancholic.

Cherry Blossom

The lullaby that grew into the marvellous, completed Cherry Blossom is a lovely tribute to someone small and beloved. Though Lana doesn’t have children yet, the care in her voice and each of her heart-warming compliments and promises is still thoroughly enjoyable – and comforting.

Colour Blue

In a song that reminds me of the love/hate relationship of Norman Fucking Rockwell, Lana takes her time to question why she loves the men that she does and, ultimately, grow from it, beginning to want something different. It’s raw and personal, with a gushing chorus that is complimented fully by the guitar. This song is blue all over, from Lana's opening harmonisation to her abrupt, unhappy ending.

Paradise

This song is, of course, pure paradise. A summery beat, a flippant Lana simply enjoying her lover no matter how long she’ll have him for and her coos of “sick!” and “that’s dope!” make this into a tasty distraction fit for the sunny months. Her casualness in this track is fresh as well as the dance-happy music that she doesn’t often create in her albums.

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Lana is the waitress with a crush in this bop of a track, trying to convince a guy to get with her instead of that “bitch”. Convincing she is, as she uses all of her charm, wit and insistence that there’s no promises behind her intentions to have a good time with him. It’s just a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of her music, not too heavy and perfectly polished. It’s self-assured as much as it is breezy, and calm as it is it’s still a riot to listen to.

Caught You Boy

A dream-esque confession of desire, obsession and pure, crazy love, Lana isn’t outright insane in this track (Kinda Outta Luck, Jealous Girl, Serial Killer) but she hints towards being slightly too attached to her beau and describing herself as an army of one. The song is sweet and flowery but there’s a sadness and danger to it that keeps it from being too sugary.

Fine China

Some of Lana’s best lyrics are in Fine China as she sings of her fractured relationship, unhappy wedding and many beautiful yet easily broken things. It’s a slow, unfussy ballad but her strong voice and stunning lyrics make it so much more than a throwaway unreleased song.

Thunder

What feels like a coming-of-age slow dance song but is ultimately a choir-backed break-up track. Lana’s lyrics are clever and her voice is the perfect complement to The Last Shadow Puppets, this combined work a sure hit that deserves some kind of release and recognition. Lana is frustrated but tender as she leads the song with plenty of presence.

Prom Song Gone Wrong

The fifties feel, the teenage romance, the warm and gorgeous vocals that switch from dreamily longing to a cheeky talk-rap suggest this is a song tied tightly to Puppy Love, except with a more hopeful feel to it. Lana is ready to leave and she wants her lover to come with her, and even if it’s a youthful mistake there’s no mistaking that the love she – and her man – feels is real. It’s a pretty dedication to the kind of head-spinning romance of younger years, though it has an edge to it. Lana’s choruses are desperate, her pleading genuine and the strange way the music builds and collapses right at the end give the illusion all isn’t the sunshine and rainbows Lana sings of – and hopes for.

#lana del rey #lana del rey songs #lana del rey unreleased #cherry-interlude

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