#might end up doing more if i don't get bored of this format lol
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he's a cult leader, he's a fashion icon, he's a war veteran, he's immortal, he dies all the time, he's haunted, he's high and he's sober, he's agnostic, god hates him personally. i didn't say his name but he popped into your head, didn't he?
#the umbrella academy#tua#klaus hargreeves#yeah i just did one of these for five but i hope you'll allow me this indulgence <3#might end up doing more if i don't get bored of this format lol
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darling heart.
summary: in which you are someone who participates in/identifies with jirai kei culture.
characters: heartslabyul boys x gn reader
tags: relationship not specified, fluff, imagines format
warnings: mentions of mental health, mentions of self-destructive tendencies
author's notes: hiiii this is very self-indulgent bc i am a jirai kei babe,, im specifically a jirai danshi <3 i might do for other dorms too, depending on my motivation lol
you can find out more by searching up jirai kei tho dont just read the jfashion wiki for it, it's more than just a fashion style. also beware of potentially triggering stuff since it deals with mental health and all
Riddle Rosehearts
He’s intrigued by this subculture that you participate in and he’d ask you more about it, if you don't mind telling him - he’ll do his own research too anyway
When he finds out it's basically a subculture consisting of people with emotion dysregulation issues and is generally controversial, he checks up on you and asks you if you're okay or not
You laugh then – you’ve had your ups and downs but really, so has everyone. You hope reading about it hasn't scared him off
He’d feel like calling you a “landmine type” is too insensitive but you assure him that there's nothing to worry about and that people who participate in the subculture has reclaimed such stereotypes and fully embrace it
He’d really enjoy seeing you decked out in jirai kei fashion; he may want to try it himself but he’d insist that it's not in his place to participate, only support from the sidelines
You do get him to try out clothes that are similar to or inspired by the culture though – he seems to be comfortable in the style and you're happy that something that you enjoy can also bring the same joy to him
You’ll also recommend some songs to him, especially ones that you think would help him in studying despite the sometimes concerning lyrical content
If someone tries to bully you for identifying with the subculture, he’d step in immediately and defend your honor
“What right do you have in deciding what (Y/N) identifies with? That's what I thought. I’m always in the right.”
Through your downs and ups, Riddle will always be there for you.
Ace Trappola
He has heard of it before but he thought it was only a type of fashion, not a whole subculture with more substance to it than clothes
You’d infodump to him all about it and your journey with it, whether you just discovered it or have been identifying with it for a long time – he listens to you curiously all the while
He’s caught off guard for a moment by the more controversial and depressing part of it but he quickly recovers
He’s happy for you and glad that you’re comfortable having such a culture define a part of you
Though he implores not to do all the self-destructive stuff if you could and he’ll look out for you more just in case
He definitely thinks you rock while wearing your jirai kei outfits; it’s not his style but he wouldn’t mind trying it once, just to get a feel for the style
“Yeah, this is definitely not my thing… you, on the other hand, look pretty awesome.”
You’d give him a link for your playlist (or a playlist you’ve saved) and he’d listen to it when he’s bored – ends up adding a few songs to his personal playlist
If he finds anyone stereotyping you unnecessarily, he’ll call them out, saying as if they’re any better
Despite everything, you are still uniquely you in his eyes.
Deuce Spade
He apologizes for not knowing too much about it when you bring it up and you tell him it’s okay because it gives you an excuse to ramble about it
You tell him what it entails and how you’ve come to find out about it, sifting through your past experiences both good and bad
He tries very hard to be understanding, even if he doesn’t really get it. You’re just grateful to have his support
“I don’t really get it but it gives you a sense of community, right? I think that’s pretty cool!”
He’s also a little concerned about the mental illness part so he’d regularly check up on you to make sure you’re doing okay
He’d ask you to tell him more about your experiences with the subculture if you have any more and if anything exciting happens, you go to him first
Such as acquiring a brand new article of jirai kei clothing for example! He thinks the style is super pretty and fits you really, really well
He’d listen to the music together with you, sharing earphones and all – maybe he would even listen to them while he tries to do anything
He’ll be your guard dog and bite back whoever dares to make fun of you for being part of the subculture’s community you’ll have to calm him down sometimes
You couldn’t ask for a better cheerleader than him.
Cater Diamond
He’s always known about the subculture and although he doesn't participate in it, he thinks it's really neat
You tell him more about it and about the misconceptions people have about it so that he doesn't misunderstand
He’s super stoked that he knows someone in real life who actually participates in the subculture since he gets to see how it actually is in reality
He mostly knows about the fashion and when you come rocking up to him wearing the classic jirai kei look, he tries his best not to fanboy
He compliments you then proceeds to ask you where you got it – though cute styles like it aren’t his thing, he feels like he can give this style a try
He’d match with you on days he doesn’t feel too uncomfortable with more cutesy styles and snap pictures of you two to post on Magicam
He’d also go scouring for the music online to add more songs to his already rapidly growing playlist. He’d share some recommendations with you too!
Unintentionally got you more jirai kei friends since some people saw his posts about matching with you on Magicam; even people you already know commented on his post
“Look at us, (Y/N)! We’re totally Magicam-famous now~”
You laugh with him, head thrown back while the seeds of your relationship bloom behind where the two of you sit.
Trey Clover
He doesn’t know too much about it so he’ll ask you to explain to him what it is – to which you excitedly agree to
You tell him everything from the origins to how you’ve come to participate in the subculture – he nods patiently all the while
The mental health part of it has him questioning you a bit but he has no ill intention, he’s simply looking out for you and is worried about you
He’s supportive all the way and thinks it’s nice that you have something you’re passionate about. He’d even do his own research when he has the time
He’s pleasantly surprised when you show up wearing jirai kei fashion one day; he definitely thinks you look striking in the get-up
He wouldn’t mind going with you if you were to shop for more jirai kei-related things – he would joke you’ll have to repay by helping him out another time though
He’ll listen to your song recommendations and if he likes them enough, he’d listen to them while he’s in the kitchen. He likes that they remind him of you
“Oh, this one’s pretty catchy. …These lyrics though…”
Going places with you certainly catches attention sometimes but he doesn’t mind, as long as you’re happy and comfortable in your own skin
His name truly defines him – you sure feel lucky to have him in your life.
#twst#twisted wonderland#twst x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#platonic twst x reader#platonic twisted wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts#riddle rosehearts x reader#ace trappola#ace trappola x reader#deuce spade#deuce spade x reader#cater diamond#cater diamond x reader#trey clover#trey clover x reader
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A list of my works on AO3
(they're all Saiki K fics at the moment but I'll add fandom categories to this post if I ever get a new interest lol)
It doesn't fit my plans; it's something I don't understand
Published July 11, 2021
Summary: Saiki is fascinated by Satou Hiroshi, and the people around him start to see that this might be more than just a platonic curiosity.
What is this feeling called love?
[Notes: Bittersweet ending. Nobody gets together. My insistence on theming these early fics after songs is pretty embarrassing now. I'm not proud of my writing here but the story is ok. I might rewrite it someday. Not bad for my first fic since like 2003 though]
Something Changed
Published August 11, 2021
Summary: Aiura wrote a letter to her soulmate the night before they were supposed to meet.
She's predicted a lot of things... how could she have gotten this one wrong?
[Notes: Another sad ending. The format of this is almost entirely an excited letter about the future Aiura imagined that would never come to pass. Not really much of a story happening here tbh]
Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?
Published August 28, 2021 (INCOMPLETE)
Summary: With graduation quickly approaching, the psychics of PK Academy (and Akechi) worry that they'll drift apart. Luckily, they come up with an idea.
"Let's all meet up in the year 2030!"
A lot can change in a decade.
[Notes: Kind of like a psychicker class reunion where they're all adults with jobs and everything catching up. Future chapters were going to have almost a Scooby Doo vibe (with a twist reveal at the end about Aiura's husband!) I abandoned it because I posted some art and someone called my art creepy and it made the whole fic feel bad to think about. Maybe I'll get back to it someday. It's cool to see how quickly my writing improved. I was also super proud of how well I wrote Akechi's dialogue here]
Hotel Valentine
Published September 24, 2021
Summary: Toritsuka Reita is a pretty lucky guy. He somehow managed to not get expelled from PK Academy, he graduated, and he's avoided creeping on any living girls for a few months. To celebrate, the PK Psychics paid for a one-night stay in the fanciest hotel in Tokyo so Reita can creep on the ghost girl of his dreams. Pretty lucky, right?
Too bad things aren't going his way. He's being ignored by the staff, he's bored out of his mind, and he can't find the ghost girl anywhere. Some vacation, huh?
[Notes: Spoiler: Toritsuka's a ghost stuck in a nice hotel. This is based on a concept album that most of you have never heard but hear me out! It really has nothing to do with the Cibo Matto album of the same title except that the chapters are named after the songs and there are fun Easter eggs for fans of the album. Another slightly sad ending but not too bad]
Coffee & TV
Published August 27th, 2022
Summary: The new silence in her house felt heavy on Kumi's shoulders. Everything reminded her of Kumagoro... especially her grandson Kusuo, who has been coming to visit more often than ever before.
[Notes: this is my least popular finished fic and I understand why. It's about grief and the loss of a grandparent. It's about the unique pain that a psychic would have after failing to prevent that death. There's a sad twist that TBH I think I was a little too subtle with. One of my favorites]
Friendly Fire
Published January 8, 2023
Summary: Being an adult is great until the Problems start. Good grief.
30-year-old Kusuo's psychic powers have been pretty well controlled for over a decade. Why are things starting to go haywire all of a sudden?
[Notes: Friendly Fire my fucking beloved!! In this fic, Saiki gets essentially psychic multiple sclerosis and has to deal with some complicated emotions. I don't think it's a masterpiece or anything but it was cathartic to write and I'm in love with the versions of these characters that I wrote here. So much so that I'm writing a sequel just so I can write more of them. Also, FINALLY a happy ending!!]
Ramen Ikouze?
Published April 28, 2023
Summary: After being dragged to get ramen with Nendou every week, Kusuo starts to realize that it's not so bad after all.
[Notes: I love Nendou, he's so good. This fic is very cute and about their friendship. A couple of fun twists]
Saiki has Plans?
Published May 2, 2023
Summary: Saiki mentions having plans after school, and the overactive imaginations at PK Academy work themselves into a fuss trying to imagine what he could be doing.
[Notes: This fic follows around a bunch of Saiki's classmates as they gossip and snoop to find out what he's up to. It's my most popular fic for some reason]
A Bright Flash
Published May 13, 2023
Summary: Saiki develops an annoying new ability, and through some comedy series logic is forced to tell Teruhashi about it. She tries to be a good ally to her "newly psychic" crush.
[Notes: Teruhashi accidentally finds out about Saiki's new power and he's like "fine. I'm a psychic. But it's just this one power and nothing else."]
Heat Wave
Published June 6, 2023
Summary: There's a historic heat wave in Hidariwakibara, and some of our favorite PK Academy students end up running into each other while taking refuge from the hot weather.
A series of four standalone (but connected) stories taking place at the same time:
Aiura has a vision of disaster, and she and Nendou try to stop it
Yumehara gives Toritsuka some advice to improve his game
Akechi meets Teruhashi's brother
Saiki really wants some shaved ice from the kakigori stand where Mera is working
[Notes: The summary explains it well but also I weaved so many connections between the chapters (that are all happening at roughly the same time). It was also a lot of fun writing interactions between characters that didn't get much in canon. Also you can tell it was hot as hell when I wrote it because I definitely gave Saiki some kind of psychic heat intolerance lol]
Immunity
Published July 6, 2023
Summary: She didn't know why, but Kokomi was finally able to see the truth.
Why Saiki seemed to appear and disappear without explanation. Why it seemed like he always knew what she was planning. Why he wore those weird hairpins.
It was all so obvious now.
Saiki had psychic powers.
[Notes: The veil is lifted suddenly and all the truths that Saiki kept locked behind his mind control were revealed to Teruhashi. He and Aiura have a chat with her about it. Also this was the first fic of mine that an IRL friend read (to my knowledge) and his comment was something like "I don't know anything about your boy but he sounds autistic and gnc" and I took that as a fucking compliment! You know you've written Saiki right when people can see that shit from space]
The Disastrous Financial Situation of Saiki K
Published August 9, 2023 (IN PROGRESS)
Summary: Adjusting to his new limitations has been annoying, and now Kusuo (age 31) needs a car to get around.
Unfortunately, taking time off work has drained his savings.
How is he going to get the money for a car now?
[Notes: This is my sequel to Friendly Fire but it's a lot lighter in nature. 100-Yen-Man goes around doing stuff for Saiki's friends. There are mentions of his disability from Friendly Fire and it's plot relevant but I think you can catch on even if you didn't read the original. I haven't updated in a while but I am actively working on it!! A Yumehara and Makino chapter next and then a Toritsuka chapter after that. TBH this isn't my best work and it's pretty unpopular but I'm having fun and that's all that counts)
#i got my work done so as i promised.. this is my reward#this is for organization purposes and to get me thinking about the things I've written again#my fics#saiki
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whispers into your inbox "jmart was the worst thing that could have happened in tma; it wrecked Jon's character and is the most transparent 'how do we not have our mc become suicidal?' I have ever seen. TMA then falls into the hole of the only important or good enough relationships being romantic, discarding previous character development to throw everything into romance solves all ~ ♡ I hate it and I hate how much Jon is woobified and infantilized in the fandom to drool over Martin and I hate how everyone acts like their relationship is good, when I think either of them with 5 years of a normal life would realize how awful the relationship was for both of them." Anyway lol I expect no response or post of this I am just being spicey on anon
oh anon you thought i was gonna see a take like this and not post it?
i need you to out yourself to me because goddamn this is an interesting take!
look, i love jmart, but even with 5 seasons of development they still somehow managed to feel rushed?
i disagree in that their relationship being unhealthy is a bad thing for them, because like the appeal of podcasts for me is the fucked up relationships. fucked up characters = fucked up relationships, yknow? like john and arthur from malevolent, normally, they'd hate each other without much of a second thought, but that's not the point, they love each other despite that, and that kind of extends to jmart for me.
i also totally agree with the fandom criticism, woobifying jon is like the only tma content i see on twt and it is soooooo annoying.
my personal qualms with tma however is in part the lore decisions and how the fandom treats the lore (and also the whole podcast).
s1 is easily the best season, mostly because you have no fucking idea what's going on, but after s2 things really start feeling like they're being drawn out, at least to me? like i think season 3-4 couldve been one thing, and um. season 5 is fun if you like jmart and the eye ig. i know most of this is a gross oversimplification (not forgetting yall basira&daisy fans) but after the core cast of season 1-2 i could not really get the other characters being fundamental in the story (not georgie. i love georgie)
don't get me wrong, the not-sasha arc was amazing! but after tim died, and martin fucked off for most of a season being sad, i was a bit bored. the buried isnt interesting to me sorry.
and also they under-utilize basically every fear, including the eye, and the one that upsets me the most is the stranger. oh what is it? circus and clowns ig. LIKE OPEN UP YOUR EYES THE WORLD IS OPEN TO YOU THE UNCANNY VALLEY AS SO MANY NICHES PLEASE
and by the end of the show, it just feels like they keep rotating the same 3 fears, and the others just kind fade into the bg
and then there's the fandom. i'm sorry but some of you guys act like tma is the end-all-be-all of fiction horror podcasts. when it's just not. sorry, but the magnus archives, after s1, just isnt scary. you know what's going on, the fears! which are neatly tied into these categories of oddities!
and the show explicitly states that the 14 fears categorization is arbitrary and that they all bleed into one another, but the fandom just. ignores that? like i've heard so many people go to other podcasts and say ''oh x is so eye avatar-coded!!'' and then x just has some vague eye symbolism that isnt even the point (this is about arthur lester)
and like i don't understand how tma manages to be the most mainstream fiction podcast nowadays, when welcome to night vale is right there ! and yes, i am implying that wtnv is objectively better than tma, because wtnv despite running for 12 goddamn years has never bored me with an episode, and it has roughly the same amounts of episodes! they both have similar formats that could repetitive quick (radio show vs statements) and even though i'd say statements have more creative freedom, wtnv still manages to not be boring. this might also just be a fact of better and more varied authors but hey, this is just my opinion
i want it to be clear that i'm not trying to start discourse, i still like tma! the fanartists are some of the most talented artists i've seen, and the fics are just aughhhhhhhhhhhh /pos
#podcasts fandoms have next to no discourse but that also doesnt leave room for criticism#tma critical#<- just in case#2 magnus 2 arch-ives#!! red !!#anon#red replies#sorry to anon if you didnt want this to be public i needed to rant about the tma-glorification#i did listen to all of tma in 2 weeks but um that may have something to do with it#fandom critical#discourse#<- not really tho this is just my opinion
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Oooo different anon but
Please do share you spreadsheets tricks! I only use spreadsheets if I have to make a table (because somehow it's easier to copy paste it from there instead of making one in documents...) but it seems like a such an useful tool that I don't have motivation to learn how to use :/
Hello! And I'll try my best! Some of these may seem more basic, but they can do absolute wonders for organization. Now this is a long post, with screenshots!, so buckle up your seatbelts.
All screenshots will be from Google Sheets. I do have and use Excel on occasion, and some of these items can be found on that program as well, although it may be placed elsewhere.
Please note, too, that all examples are done on a PC device. For mobile phones or tablets, some of these keyboard shortcuts might not work the same and may require a little more finagling to get right.
I'll start with making something called a "Header Row". Basically it's how you name your columns so you know what should be in each.
This is just an example spreadsheet, but it'll work lol. (If you don't know how to highlight those four cells, select A1, hold Shift key and use the Right Arrow key [->] until you have highlighted all the results you want for your Header Row.)
From here, you go to View on the panel and select/hover over Freeze, where you can then select "1 row". This should freeze your selected row. So no matter how far down you scroll, or how much information you have recorded, you'll always know what's supposed to be listed there.
Next we have something called "Conditional Formatting". This can be really useful if for filtering data. In this example, I changed the spreadsheet to have various cells with "Yes" or "No", to show what it can do.
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Once you've selected the cells/rows/columns you want, choose Format, then Conditional Formatting.
From there, it should give you a panel on the right side of your screen that looks a little something like this:
You can do a lot with this! You can even adjust the range here if you realize you picked the wrong ones or changed your mind for any other reason. But to format it, you need to choose the rule. Here is some examples that they offer you:
In this case, I am going to choose the Text Contains rule. From there, I pick what the text should say. I even get to pick and choose my colors. So at the end it'll look like this:
My spreadsheet will reflect this rule as well.
You can also add as many rules as you want! Just use that "+ Add another rule" at the bottom there and repeat the process.
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Now this next one is among my personal favorites: Dropdown menus!
This can also cover something called "Data validation", but I won't bore you with that explanation just yet.
Go back to that Insert tab and you'll see Dropdown further down the list. (Smart Chip functions in a very similar way, but it's works better for collaborative projects or scheduling needs.) We'll get to Checkbox in the next round.
When you click on Dropdown, you'll get this window:
Much like with Conditional Formatting, Dropdown allows you to customize what your options are and how they're colored. I'll use some basic examples for you to get an idea.
And of course you can add or delete as many options as you need.
So when we go back to our spreadsheet, it'll look a little something like this:
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Checkbox is fairly simple, and doesn't allow much for customization. But if you go back to the Insert tab and click on that option, you can get a little something like this:
A nice little checklist if you need it!
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A simple trick to filling more cells is actually fairly easy. You see that little blue dot on the bottom right corner?
If you're using a formula, you can just double click that dot and it'll usually just fill in all the cells for you! And if you're not using a formula, dragging works just fine. You can also use the Insert Row/Column/Cell option by right clicking with your mouse, or referring to the Insert tab on the top panel.
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If you want to make your cells/rows/columns stand out a little more, might I recommend Borders?
They give you a lot of options for what it'll look like. For this example, I'll use the fourth option of the first row. That'll make it look a little something like this:
And hmm... I don't like how they're leaning to the left. Let's fix that too.
And maybe a few more cosmetic changes...
And BOOM! It already looks a lot different! At just a glance now you can tell what goes where based on colors alone! You can also customize colors if you don't like the basic ones, but I think I'll leave that mystery to you. ;)
I hope this gave you a good head's start! And don't worry if it feels overwhelming at first. I know I forgot a lot of tricks and tips (and a good number of keyboard shortcuts) when I went a long time between using spreadsheets. You're free to refer to this guide any time you want or need to, and if you have questions, I'll try my best to help!
Classes have always taught me this: never feel embarrassed to look something up. There are websites like Github or Stack Overflow for paid professionals to get help and advice. We should be allowed to do the same.
Now that I have sufficiently buried you in information, I hope you have a wonderful new year!
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your work is all so amazing!! do you have any advice for writers who maybe want to start writing longer fanfictions?
Ahh!! Fhhfkf thank you!!! ;^; I don't know how useful or coherent my advice might be, but here's what's helped me in the past:
1. Know what kind of writer you are. If you work better by starting with a structured outline, do that, but make sure to actually start WRITING the scenes after that lol. If you get more momentum by diving in and just seeing where the story goes, do that, but make sure you have a DIRECTION to go in. A healthy balance of planning and discover-as-you-go is the most fun in my experience. (I usually start by improvising and having fun with a concept and then gradually cornering myself into planning lol. By then, planning isn't a chore; it's just satisfying to see everything fall together.)
2. Don't force an idea to be a long fic if it doesn't need to be. If you feel like your concept would be better served by a short fic, do it justice by not stretching it into a shape it doesn't need.
3. If your concept is bigger and does need a long fic format, make sure you know what threads you're weaving together. Write an actual list of themes, subplots, and character arcs and keep track of them, and figure out how you want to pace them in relation to one another.
4. Have resources prepped! Name banks for minor characters; notes/links to articles on the time period/environment/culture you're writing about; pictures that inspire you; songs that hype you up for your story or the characters... Mostly, if you don't like doing research, START LIKING IT. Find joy in researching the symptoms of hypovolemic shock and the native flora of Northern China. Look up multiple sources for each little topic. (I just keep a messy list of links and notes in the bottom of my docs lol)
5. If you get stuck or bored, revisit the source material. Watching/reading the original story can remind you why you got so excited to write fic about it and refresh your ideas.
6. If you're bored while writing a scene, it's probably boring to read. Don't turn writing into a chore. Think about what needs to happen in a scene and why it matters, find what you care about in it, and follow that. If it starts feeling like you don't need a scene and that you were just using it to fill in time, cut it.
7. My favorite thing: don't be afraid to write out of order. Write little blurbs or pieces of dialogue for chapters way ahead, if you have something in mind! Give yourself a goal to catch up to. It'll help you get the big picture of your whole fic and then fill in the scenes you need to get there.
8. Don't let people tell you what to write!! This goes both ways: if people say "it should've gone like [thing you don't wanna do]," tell them to shush and write their own shit. If they say "it would be so cool if [thing you were already planning] happened," do it anyway! You don't have to change just for the element of surprise. Don't twist the story out of place just because someone guessed your awesome idea. Everyone will be happier for it.
9. Don't settle for your first draft if it doesn't feel right. If you're working on a scene and it doesn't fulfill what you need, restart it from as many angles as necessary until you're happy. Seriously, building off a scene you don't like will make you feel dissatisfied and poison everything to follow.
10. Talk about your fic with people who hype you up about it. If you're not used to writing long stories, do what you need to keep you motivated and EXCITED about it. If asking someone to beta read helps you, do it! (I almost never ask for beta readers bc I'm a control freak, but honestly they can be so helpful.)
11. The forbidden tip: if you lose interest halfway through, it's okay to drop it. Do what makes you happy. You don't owe anyone anything and you're doing this for free. Try to finish it though lol, it's so satisfying to see a work complete. Do it for the dopamine at the end.
Disclaimer: I write long fics 1) because I like to soak in them and savor them and 2) because I don't know how to shut up and write short ones lol. I deeply admire people with the skill to just say what they need to say and wrap up a story neatly.
Also, I don't follow my own advice. Plenty of my scenes have fluff that I could have cut but didn't because Mark Twain is dead and can't tell me what to do lmao
I hope this had something helpful in it 😅 Good luck! 💖💖💖
#anonymous#my writing#oh look it talks#sorry for the long post i didnt have time to write a short one#it takes more work to say something with brevity#honestly yeah tip 12 if theres a shorter way to say something then do that instead#again i never follow my own fuckin advice
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last tuesday of 2023!
i thought about making this my Yearly Roundup for last tuesday of the year but i think instead i will make this a normal tuesdaypost, and do a big yearly reflection on friday or saturday for last shabbos of the year :)
listening: twilight mirage, still in that holiday special, episode 23. the way that there are eight fuckin episodes for that special........in part 1 or 2 they make a comment how they might have to do three parts and i was like. lol. lmao, even. i'm in the bit right now where they're doing an election and it's very funny. thisbe as the debate moderator made me laugh out loud.
reading:
the best part of the game awards this year was the fashion, alyssa mercante: i looooved some of these looks. love the art corset on slide 4, jay-ann lopez on slide 15, the pleated dress on slide 17, the MATCHING BABY ON SLIDE 19, and the author's whole everything on slide 20.
sff's big fat problem, r. k. duncan: i was already aware of some of the stuff talked about here but i am definitely guilty of having less overt things - i.e. goblin emperor reference in there - totally fly by me. i feel like i saw a lot of people talking about rowling's fatphobia after she went mask-off but she is definitely on the more malicious end of the spectrum, it's a much much much more baked in problem than people give it credit for. thinking also about the locked tomb, which i love, but also makes some very weird comments about ortus that i did not clock at all until someone else pointed it out. just something i'm thinking about lately.
the world is hard, dinner doesn't need to be, julia turshen: what it says on the tin. some recipe ideas, cut down to mental bare essentials.
old growth, brawlite: saved the fanfic for last. obsessed with this. it's so so good. the format is a really neat idea that i don't know if i've seen done before. like, using the 'comment section' to point out 'things in the background of shots'? genius. i am eating it up. i should have signed up for this exchange. maybe next year.
playing: fallow. i might buy some games that are on sale tho lol, i've seen both pyre and ghostwire: tokyo recommended this week. latter is no longer on sale unfortunately but i am noting it down for later.
watching:
the fashion industry hates older women, mina le
history of bathing, bernadette banner
aaaand a short film that a grad student in my department made as a project. it's. not good. like i'm happy that he's doing hobbies or whatever but this short film commits the cardinal sin of being neither good nor bad, Just Boring. 2/10.
making: the [redacted project] is almost done!! i have 10 rows left. each row takes me about 15 minutes. i will definitely finish it by the end of the week, fringe and all. no pictures yet for obvious reasons but it will be in the first tuesdaypost of the year for 2024! the biggest challenge now is the point of contact on my left hand where i rest the knitting needle against my middle finger is aggravating on a sensory standpoint from overuse, so i have been knitting with one glove on that hand which has helped a lot.
there was a preview of these last week, but i added finishing touches to my gavle goat holiday cards! i used a metallic sharpie to add some horn embellishments and wrote a little note on the back, and mailed out a bunch :)
misc: the first christmas eve/day of my life where i didn't get chinese food!!! shock, horror, etc. i'm at my roommate's family's place so i experienced a real christmas situation. it was fine. her family & their home is like ... hallmark card vibes and idk how i feel about it. i want wonton soup :(
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Well, I guess it's time to address the situation... or the lack of situation lol This is gonna be long, be warned. There's a TL;RD at the end if you wanna skip the wall of text.
To start, thank you to the two anons who took the time to read the comic and prod me about it and the new people who started following this tumblr in spite of the Hiatus warning. Altho this place has been collecting dust for more than a year now, I'm still around, updating my side reblogs tumblr, so it's not like I dropped from the face of the earth.
The truth is, at this moment in time, I've feel out of love with making this comic. It was always a lot of work due to me being a perfectionist. I never used any extra rendering apps, all you've seen here is raw sims images and a lot of work on Photoshop, so much so it gave me a muscle contracture on my right shoulder (because I did all my work in bed with my laptop/drawing tablet in my lap. I never said I was a smart person lol) that still flares up from time to time because I learned nothing.
Then the VA fandom was already quite small by the time I started doing this in 2015 and I never really advertised this in the fandom anyway. I always got the impression most of the fandom didn't like the OG comics as it was and most of the people that followed the comic were sims 2 fans because, well, it's made with the sims and the images were pretty (forever holding in my heart the people you said this <;3)
The recent "Vampire Academy" TV series (it was just in names, honestly) was the final nail in the coffin of my motivation. After information had leaked I was already disappointed in it, but after actually watching it, yeah no. Only plus to it was the surprise to see it was partially filmed in my country, in places where I have been myself.
And lastly, and probably most importantly, I struggle with motivation a lot. It happens to us all, I am sure. It's no secret that I hated to panel, if I'd start all over again I'd just post the big images like many of you telling stories are doing now, it'd be less of a stress for me, but alas, I can't change formats now. And I said many times I was doing it mostly for myself, because I did love the comics based on the books, but doing it for yourself only gets you so far until you get bored. And I got bored. I'm actually surprised my hyper-focus on it lasted for as long as it did. I haven't been to Photoshop for editing - I used to make photomanipulations and other kinds of editing - for way over a year, so it's not only the comic that stopped.
I still have 7 pages to end chapter 6 in various degrees of editing, Veninorchid and Esotheria-sims have seen them, so they exist lol I will eventually finish editing them - it's mostly a Romitri flashback - and post them. But after that, I will have to decide how to proceed. Spending less time editing would help, but lowering the quality of my pages, the only thing people like about it, really doesn't sit well with me, because yeah, perfectionist.
So at the very least the remaining pages will be posted in early 2024, I might go back to it slowly, a little bit everyday so I don't burn out or put stress on my shoulder. But after that, it's up in the air. It's not like I've been staring at the walls during this time, I had other things taking my goldfish-like attention. I got interested in home bookbinding, which made me dig out old unfinished stories I once started and I've been trying to finish them and later try to bind them, because why the fuck not lol And on my reblogs tumblr I had this set of pictures about a Regency little story that people really loved and I'd like to add to it, but then again, all the editing it'd need *cries* I feel tugged in so many directions I fear I'll end up doing nothing lol
So the TL;DR is, I got bored with the comic because it was too much work and resulted in physical pain, I lacked the motivation and other things got my attention meanwhile. Chapter 6 will be be finished eventually, but after that it's up in the air. Cross my fingers that I get my mojo back while editing those pages.
Still, a thank you to all of followed and are still following, sorry these were not the good news you wanted to read just because I made a post. You support up until now was what kept me going in the past, I can't thank you all enough.
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Ao3 Author tag game!
tagged by my bestie @plushie-sentai <3
1. How many works do you have on Ao3?
19!
2. What is your Ao3 word count?
74,854 holy shit. i hadn't checked it in awhile lmao
3. What fandoms do you write for?
oh all kinds of shit, but rn i'm up to my eyeballs in tokusatsu. i tend to jump from fandom to fandom depending on my current hyperfixations HSKDJGS
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
in the fall we sleep all day (the magnus archives, jonmartin)
the end was soon (the magnus archives, jonmartin)
feeling so alive, feeling something (my hero academia, tododeku)
we both need it to forget this fear (the magnus archives, jonmartin)
if that's what it takes (my hero academia, tododeku)
all of these are like. at least 4 years old LMAO
5. Do you respond to comments?
i always do!!
6. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?
mmmm depends on your definition i think. if you include canon compliant events its def one of my danganronpa fics (a foreign still or light of the moon) but that feels boring to me SO i might say my most recent fic for kamen rider ex-aid (or just mine tonight) since it ends on kindof a sour note for the characters? im not sure tbh, as much as i love angst in a fic i tend to like happier or ambiguous endings.
7. Which of your fics has the happiest ending?
that's an easy one! my dimension 20: mentopolis fic (whale fall) was written before the finale and was my guess as to what would happen w one of the pairs of characters, and its very sweet and wholesome i think :3
8. Do you get hate on fics?
thankfully no!
9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?
i do! i used to be terrified of it, but i think i've gotten better the more i write! i don't hold any bars on what kind of smut i'll write, either-- whatever the characters are workin with, i'll do it!! lmao
10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest crossover you've written?
i used to! back when i wrote for achievement hunter i wrote an au where the fake AH crew were killjoys, like from gerard way's comics and the MCR album danger days :p i got uncomfy with RPF as i got older tho so those fics are all lost media now HSJGHJD
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
nope! not that i'm aware of anyways lol
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope but if anyone wants to... pleading emoji
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
not unless roleplay counts... i used to rp a certain anime with friends mostly as a joke in high school but we did try and write story-format roleplay a few times
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
i don't much care for it or the property anymore bc i've got some bad experiences tied to it, but i think the ship i've gone the most batshit over is probably jonmartin from the magnus archives. right now tho? definitely best match from kamen rider build <3
15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
my magnus archives dnd au (write an anthem worth repeating), for aforementioned reasons of not feeling good about the source material anymore :( a shame bc i thought my writing in that fic was nice
16. What are your writing strengths?
i think i'm pretty good at characterization! i get a lot of comments saying i give good insight into how characters feel which is lovely to hear, bc thats what i like most about writing fanfic!
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
PACING... AND PLOTS IN GENERAL... why do you think i only write one-shots!! 😭
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i don't trust myself enough to do it right... i write a lot of fic for japanese media so the most i'll do is use the japanese word for something that can't be translated (names of foods for example)
19. First fandom you wrote for?
god probably warrior cats in like 3rd grade... on Ao3 tho it was achievement hunter, but those are gone like i said earlier </3
20. Favorite fic you've written?
is it cheating if i say my wip?? ;3
i'm gonna tag @meganechan05 bc i cant remember who else im moots with who writes fic but if you see this and wanna do it go ahead n say i tagged you!! :D
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all right friends! 😁
my keyboard is complete! words cannot express how much i love this keyboard. i spent so much time thinking about what kind of pcb (body) i wanted, what switches i wanted, and what keycaps i wanted. i even asked for your help! i knew i wanted the body of my keyboard to be aluminum... and it is heavy... and i keep forgetting just HOW heavy it is. i now understand why changbin was lifting felix's keyboard now lol.
anyway, below i will have some pictures and some explanations about the keyboard and how i built it. it's okay if you don't care about any of the details and just look at the pictures lol
onto the build! i'll link everything i used in case you're interested!
for my pcb i have the Keychron Q1 Pro, in black. you can also get this pcb in white or silver. i spent a lot of time looking for a keyboard that would be mac friendly. the GMMK Pro that i was originally looking at, some of the reviews said that the mac settings didn't work that well, even with the proper software. so i went with Keychron, bc i know their keyboards are formatted to play nice with macs. i should also mention that my keyboard is hot-swappable. which means that the switches are not soldered into my pcb. if you want to get a mechanical keyboard and make changes to it, make sure it says, "hot-swappable." also my keyboard has a knob! bc why not, knobs are fun and my knob controls the volume! there is a program that you can use with Keychron to program the knob to do whatever you want it to do. but i like that it controls the volume, there's a satisfying "click" for each turn.
the keycaps are also Keychron. it took me a while to even get to the keycaps. there are too many options for keycaps out there, so be careful! you could end up with too many options like i did 😅 so, i know that in my poll, the dark keys with cmyk text won, but they are out of stock and i wasn't able to find them in the Keychron amazon storefront. i was going to go with the winner between the Akko keycaps... but they tied. so i asked GBF to pick and he chose the cyan and black. but when i was looking at the Keychron amazon storefront, i found an option that was slightly cheaper than the Akkos. but i also chose the Keychron ones bc like i said, Keychron plays nice with macs and had the "command" and "option" keys i would need.
next, switches! in a mechanical keyboard, switches are what make the keys work. in a regular keyboard (or a membrane keyboard), there's a membrane (sometimes it's silicone) that sits between the keys and the board and sends a signal when you press a key. same thing in a mechanical keyboard, except each switch operates on its own. so if a key stops working, you can simply pull the switch out and replace it with a new one! anyway, my switches happen to be mint. did i buy them bc they were mint? no. am i kind of happy that they're mint? yes. i bought them bc they're quite tactile switches. tactile means there's a little bump when the key is fully pressed to let you know that you've hit the key. i've had trouble with linear switches being too sensitive in the past. i ended up getting Durock shrimps! what a cute name lol and i might buy more to put them into my work keyboard...
onto placing keycaps! originally i was going to put o-rings on my keycaps to prevent any more noise, but my switches are already so quiet that it wasn't really necessary. but i also did a typing test and the o-rings actually added too much bulk and didn't allow the switch to fully descend when the key was pressed. so i took them out.
but here is my keyboard fully assembled! the rgb is so pretty too. even though i can't see it through my keycaps, it's still lovely. and the beauty of my keyboard is that i can change the keycaps whenever i want. so if i ever get bored of this lovely, black, mint, and gray combo or those dark keycaps with cmyk text come back in stock, i can always change them!
okay, i know that was a lot and again, it's totally okay if you didn't read any of it and just looked at the pictures 😂 also, my monitor stand came as well, i mentioned that earlier. but it looks so good! my desk looks so organized now! and the only thing missing from my setup is my imac now!
i hope you're doing well, stay safe out there, and stay hydrated my friends! 💖
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6, 18, 19, 25, and 35 for the weird writer asks!
What is your darkest fear about writing?
My mom finding it, wildly missing the point, and deciding that enrolling me in talk therapy is non-negotiable lol
Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.
Gonna scroll it back to Till Things Are Brighter, which no one whose followed me in the past year has read because I last updated in ~February 2021~ but which is still the work I'm most determined to finish
I hadn’t meant to tell you so much. [Growls] There’s too much of a risk of Magnus pulling it out of you and accelerating his plans, or out of my dreams since you’ve made it a proper Statement , but apparently knowing when to stop asking questions isn’t a power granted to any Archivist. Next time you can’t stand not Knowing, just ask me to write it out. Statement fucking ends.
(From the end of chapter 9, for any who want to read my beloved magnum opus bc of this passage lol)
(cut because I am at heart a rambler)
So I knew that in order for various plot events to work I needed Daisy to meet with Gertrude, and I realized that it didn't make much sense for Gertrude to meet with this mysterious lady telling her all this stuff with little if any context to why it's important and not eventually getting fed up and taking a statement by force. That wasn't in my original plan, because it introduces a couple complications, but I actually ended up with a lot of affection for the chapter as a whole.
The handy thing about forcing a statement out of one of your characters and including it in the narrative is that it's an excuse to break the writing rule that people almost never just state their emotions in plain terms. The format by definition requires honesty and usually some explanation of the character's emotions either generally or at the starting point, sometimes complete with their assessment and feelings about those feeling in hindsight. So I got to use it to incorporate stuff I couldn't otherwise!
But Daisy gets pretty mad about having her statement taken every time it happens in canon, she just doesn't have the full details for Jon and can't take it out on Elias. She can't afford to take things out on Gertrude, either, other than peacing out. And I don't generally like including swear words in my writing but... nothing else fit. So Daisy got One Swear, for a treat!
Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
Ahahaha, I started writing in second grade. My best friend and I were going to make a novelization of the Rankin-Bass Santa Claus in Comin' to Town Christmas special with her doing illustrations and me writing. It was never finished and lost to time because my family moved the summer after second grade :( I wrote other things throughout elementary school, but sadly never found such a willing cowriter. The draft of the story that made my mom point out that people might not be interested in reading a story that interrupts the action every time a character is introduced to tell you their age, hair and eye color, favorite color, height, and hobbies is a happier loss X'D I did Nanowrimo for the first time in 7th grade, and did finish the story (it's still around... somewhere...) but it was handwritten so I don't know the wordcount. Probably more in the 20k range, but whatever. Did it again successfully on a word processor in 9th grade (also around... somewhere... in printed form even though the computer it was saved to is long gone). Those would probably be better if they were Mary Sue stories, I think if I reread them they'd probably be mostly very boring.
There's a local day event thing for teenage writers in my area called Teen Author Boot Camp, my best friend since toddlerhood got me into it and the first year we went we got 1st (her) and 2nd (me) place in their first chapter writing contest (year redacted bc you could def dox me from their FB). That was probably the last gasp of me successfully writing as a teen. I went again as many years as I was eligible, because it was hugely fun winning aside, but never won again lol. I started reading fic around the time I started high school, and wrote some a few years after that (it's all MCU/Marvel fic, don't go that far back on my AO3, some of it I probably still stand by but some is for sure Bad). I spent most of high school with major burnout writer's block. I started writing again slightly before listening to TMA, but that was what got me back into writing recreationally in a big way. Since I think 2019? maybe 2020 idk, every year I've had an end of year wordcount on AO3 that's... honestly a big embarrassing lol.
I have a fistful of original ideas (fiction and non) that I want to get around to, but right now those are on hold until I finish the final paper for my Bachelor's, which has sadly NOT been blessed by the inspiration gods... fic gets to happen because on a conscious prioritization level I can post it for instant gratification which original writing can't do and on a less conscious level because the chronic health issues that blessedly got me accommodations on that paper interfere enough with my brain on most days to make academic writing hard where fic just isn't. I'm finally in a decent enough place that I'll hopefully be able to get past that, and once that's out of the way original writing (and hopefully improvements in health once that stress is gone) here I come!
What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?
My Daisy Tonner is femme but mostly can't express it because it's impractical at work. She always painted her nails because it lasts decently and doesn't detract from how her colleagues view her. She has a bunch of more feminine clothes that she doesn't wear much because she doesn't spend that much time not working. Basira doesn't really know all that about her because by the time she was in the picture Daisy was too Hunt-influenced to pay much attention to unrelated things, which got worse over time.
Or for an OC, Cece who shows up in Little Archive is biromantic asexual and has freckles and moles because projection thy name is Ink
What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
When I was a baby teen writer I would absorb anything that seemed to have a decently informed source and for a long time I had this quote from Elmore Leonard hang on
Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.
taped to the side of my bedside table where I saw it all the time. Anyway screw that guy, I love exclamation points! Avoiding them outside of a non-personified distant third person POV is janky! It sounds weird! It distances you from the character! What about dialogue?! Anyone transcribing mine would have to use a bunch, that's how lots of people talk!
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It's been a while and unfortunately I'm not back with a reading update because guess who got in line for the wrong version of Lady Sherlock 4? Me. I ended up in line for the e-book version and not the audiobook version. I don't know how that got mixed up so imagine my despair when the book was available but in the wrong format. I returned it ASAP because you know I refuse to touch e-books. I ended up 3rd in line again and by the time it's available, my library card might be expired, so I'll have to get it renewed. Which means I have to leave my house and I hate that lol. Woe is me.
In the meantime, I thought up some more questions for you.
-Is there any genre you won't read? I personally don't see myself reading the romance genre. I don't mind romance subplots but a book that's only romance? No thanks. I'd probably get bored so fast and I could care less about reading smut.
-Is there a page count you won't go over? For example, I won't read books over 500 pages unless it's from an author I know and trust. I love reading but something that's like 600+ pages is intimidating for me. I think it's admirable that people can read such long books.
-Have you ever read anything really upsetting or disturbing that you couldn't stop thinking about it or put you in a reading slump? Or you just couldn't finish because of how upsetting it was?
-Do you read in only one place or do you have multiple reading places? I only read in my room though I did read out in my back porch one time. I just feel most comfortable in my room. Especially if I suddenly burst into tears, like with what happened with Salt to the Sea lol.
-This one isn't book related, but where did you get that Ant-Man helmet? I'd love to have one. I already have an Iron Man one, but it'd be awesome to have an Ant-Man one too.
There we go. That's all I got for now ✌️
-Book Anon
Book Anon! I was just thinking about you! Thanks for reaching out.
Oh nooooo, you got the e-book version 😭😭 That's awful. Hopefully the ones ahead of you will finish the book soon.
Oh yay! Questions! Thank you! I'm excited okay okay okay here we go.
Any genre I won't read
I won't read romance either, Book Anon. There's only one romance author that has been recommended to me that I actually enjoyed. Her name is Julie Lessman, and her romances aren't cheesy or nothing but smut, you know? Actual plot and tension and really good characters. Also, I'm very picky about nonfiction I read. I try to read some, but I have the hardest time getting into it.
Page count
Oh gosh, yeah! I'm with you. The huge books turn me off unless it's like multiple books in one. Or a trusted author...but to be fair, my list of trusted authors don't right big hoss books.
Upsetting read
Actually yeah, there was one novella that's part of a series that made me so angry. There was a lot of injustice for the main character. She was a young queen who was manipulated by her court and even some of her friends to believe she was mentally insane and a monster when she's actually kind and funny and sweet. She didn't even want to be queen really. Her allies are picked off, and she's left alone believing she's a monster. She was forced to live alone in one of the towers of the castle while her enemies ruled "in her name", and she passed with a broken heart. Made me so angry, and I was so bothered I had to take a reading break.
Reading places
Dude, I will read anywhere. I don't have a special place to read, although I really like to read in bed before going to sleep. But I'll read anywhere. I have a music playlist specifically for reading, all soft instrumental music, so I plug into that and can read anywhere.
Ant-Man helmet
Wal-Mart dot com, my dude. One of the best purchases I've ever made 😎
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sure i do! (posting screenshot of ask for easier formatting)
(also, i have a whump headcannons ask that i've been compiling the response to for the past weeks (anon who asked, i'm so sorry it's taking so long, i'm not ignoring your ask), so this one will focus strictly on everything OTHER than whump.)
- he often bites his nails when stressed, or even just bored (or when he has no cigar on hand. he has a thing for chewing/nibbling on things). stopping himself from doing it is one of the reasons he wears gloves (other than for warmth and to shield his hands from damage), as having his nails bit too short is painful and can make his work almost impossible. (saying this as a nail biter. you literally CANNOT use a finger that you bit the nail of too short)
- speaking of stimming, aside from biting things, he uses the compass around his neck as a stim toy. it's useless around him, as his own magnetic field renders it impossible to point north as it should, but he'll often play with it by making it spin through altering his field. it requires both focus and a small bit of physical effort, effectively taking his mind off whatever's stressing him, at least for a short bit until he gets bored.
- he thinks he can cook, but anyone who's ever tried his cooking strongly disagrees. while his techniques are okay, like he doesn't burn or undercook stuff, the things he makes are borderline inedible. (he once made a party cheese salad for a family meeting and lowkey bonded with moreau over him being the only one to like the atrocity)
- he's the youngest of the lords (with the age order being alcina>moreau>donna>karl). donna looks younger than him, however it's mostly because of his healing factor being worse than the others', making him actually age (even if very slow) instead of being stuck in time.
- he DESPISES family meetings, along with the family dinners miranda keeps insisting on (which take place either at the castle or at donna's place, as moreau's reservoir and the factory are unsuited for that to say the least), but the latter's redeeming factor is that, if he's lucky, he gets a unique opportunity to fuck with alcina. which usually means eating her out of house and home (using the fact that she's too proud of her good manners to refuse a guest), getting drunk, wrecking her house (muddy boots who?) and then passing out somewhere. it gives him the opportunity to make himself her problem and he loves that. (i've actually started work on a comic a few weeks ago where alcina kicks karl off a random couch she finds him on (in a food coma), a shitposty thing with a SLIGHTLY wholesome-ish ending (as wholesome as alcina gets), but it was taking so long that i just gave up at some point. though, if any of y'all would like to see it finished, let me know, it'd be easier to motivate myself to do it if i knew anyone actually wanted me to lol)
- he holds animals close to his heart but would hate to admit it, in fear of appearing weak or soft. claims that he lets the one (1) cat stay in his factory ONLY because it helps with rats, totally not for company because he's a sad lonely man, what are you talking about.
-he's neither a cat or dog person, he likes both equally, but it'd be far harder to keep a dog in his quarters, seeing as it would require both more space and regular walks + playtime, while a cat is perfectly happy with just getting to sleep on him at night (in terms of contact/bonding).
- though, while he doesn't have a dog, he lowkey treats the lycans as such. keeps them under his control solely through giving them dog treats he buys from the duke. (took him a long time and lots of claw/teeth injuries to figure that out, but hey, better late than never).
--warning: the next few paragraphs discuss weight insecurity and body dysmorphia. i'll let you know when the segment ends so you can skip it if it's triggering or makes you uncomfortable--
- he's insecure about his body, both the scars littered across it and his weight. the first can't be helped and he's aware of it, however the latter TECHNICALLY CAN be and thus it bothers him far more. he used to be in a better shape, both mentally and physically, before his life was completely consumed by his work and plans of the rebellion, however these days, he just can't afford to focus on keeping himself in shape (he doesn't have the time and energy to exercise outside of the weight lifting he has to do while working, and same goes for taking care of his diet. cooking and eating balanced food takes too much time and energy, making him resort to whatever is the quickest to make and will keep him going through the day). he feels intense discomfort when looking at younger pictures of himself, he can't help but feel that he has "let himself go" in the recent years, however simultanously doesn't have the time and energy to do anything about it. it's frustrating and makes him feel out of control.
- alcina once touched on the topic while arguing with him, and it fucked him up. up until then he clang onto the small bit of hope that maybe noone has noticed the changes in his body, that maybe it was just him that was hypersensitive to it and in reality it wasn't that visible, and alcina's comment instantly shattered it. not only did she notice, but she apparently considered it worthy of using against him. there goes his last bit of confidence.
- it was one of the very few times she has seen him actually cry (before storming off to hide himself in his factory). it was also one of the few times she had apologized to him. she has made comments about his height and general looks before, and it never seemed to bother him, he always retorded back with a snarky remark targeted back at her, so she truly thought he had no insecurity issues- but this time, for the first time, he just looked hurt, almost disbelieving, and ran away without a word. it made her initial anger melt away instantly, realizing what she did. she ran after him a few minutes later, hoping it wasn't too late and she hadn't done unreversable damage. the whole incident was a major blow to her ego, especially as she was forced to beg karl over the intercom to let her in, but she wouldn't have forgiven herself if she didn't tell him that she was sorry and didn't mean it. she had to admit to herself that it truly was a low blow and she couldn't let herself be carried away like this ever again.
- karl's confidence never really healed from the incident, it's not something he can just forget. but he did get a kick out of having alcina beg for forgiveness, so he considers at least that to be an upside of the whole thing.
--weight/body dysmorphia discussion ends here--
- he gets sensory overloads easily, especially from loud noise, making him snappy if there's too many people talking/making noise. he also often has issues with things touching him when he's already stressed - due to this, he keeps a hairband in his pocket at all times (to keep his hair out of his face), and has tied the belt of his trench coat behind his back so it wouldn't touch his arms while moving around (that one is actually part of his character model). having things hanging off him irritates him greatly.
- he has a tendency to cling onto/hug whatever is in his reach while he's asleep. usually it's a pillow or his blanket, but it's also a risk one should be aware of when choosing to sleep in one bed with him. you're gonna wake up in a death grip. and he's a heavy sleeper, so don't even think about going to the bathroom.
- speaking of physical affection, he loves massages, they're one of his favorite types of affection to receive. any kind of them, really. he's sore most of the time, so a bit of relief is always greatly appreciated. back/shoulders after a long day of work, tummy if his cadou is bothering him or his eating habits fucked him over again, maybe even hands if he's worked manually for too long and his palms are starting to cramp. it's all really appreciated. (another factor contributing to why he likes them is that they're completely selfless acts of affection. his partner isn't getting anything out of it (like they would with anything sexual or romantic), its only purpose is to help him feel better. makes him feel loved.)
- speaking of, he literally cried the first time ethan gave him a shoulder rub. feeling the decades worth of pain, tiredness and muscle strain that he didn't realize he felt finally fade, be washed away, made his eyes water, he couldn't help it. it wasn't long after they had moved in together (as roommates, since karl had nowhere to go), and to karl, it felt like an affirmation that it's over, he can relax, he can rest now. no need to keep overworking himself, to keep not letting himself ever catch a break because "he might like it too much and stop chasing his goal", to keep doing anything to keep himself going for years on end despite knowing it's ruining his body. it's done, it's over, he finally deserves a rest. it made ethan deeply confused and concerned before karl sobbed out why he's crying.
these are all for now, i think! at least all that comes to mind at the moment. if you'd like me to talk about headcannons on a specific subject/topic (or expand on any of these ones), let me know! i'm sure to think of something that i haven't already, or forgot to write down. i just love talking about headcannons, man.
#this bitch took me 2 hours to write i really hope you like it#resident evil village#resident evil 8#karl heisenberg#alcina dimitrescu#lady dimitrescu#headcannons#long post
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Nikko, I just want to say, that latest check-fact post is both hilarious and awesome! Tbh I silently hope more Anti-Loki's would start their argument just so I can watch you murder them😂 That being said, stories, i.e myths, do seem to like villain-washing characters just bc they don't fit in the Society™. And people just follow the narrator to the end-comma without giving a damn. Now the first thing I do if I find a myth-based book is to check who is the villain and why they are the villain
Haha. I sort of feel like a cat playing with a dead mouse. Like, it's fun for a little while, but eventually you get bored because you're not really being stimulated in any way. But I did have a lot of fun doing the fact check format. Made me feel all official somehow. Lol
And yes! Hero characters are, by definition, defenders of the status quo. And consequently, villain characters are, by definition, challengers of it. Their behaviours are often either temporarily (as in the case of Loki) or chronically immoral, but it's always worth looking at why they are considered villains. Especially when their history is, more often than not, no more bloody than that of many characters who are allowed to claim the mantle of "hero". What would it take for Loki to be widely accepted as a hero? Simply not doing evil things? He hasn't filled the role of the "villain" in nearly a decade, and yet he is still considered by many people to be one. So surely, it's not that. Perhaps if he were to finally prostrate himself before our heroes, consent himself to being judged by—in his own words—people who are no more virtuous than he is. In other words, if he too were to become an agent of the status quo. Then he might be worthy. Then he might be redeemable. Loki's greatest crime, not only in Odin's eyes but in the eyes of many consumers of media, has always been non-conformity. Even when he was being a "good boy" for the one thousand years prior to the events of Thor (2011), it is clear he failed to conform on some level to Asgardian social norms. Even while struggling to measure up to Odin's impossible demands, he retained his spirit of individuality. His descent into "villainy" only amplified his persistent quest for independence, for agency, for his own identity. And that's just not okay. Humans need the world to be able to be broken down into neat categories like "good" and "bad". It is how they make sense of the world. It is how they protect themselves. It is an understandable impulse. And it should be resisted.
What is most troubling, I think, is that I suspect many of the people who think this way do not even realise it. Many of them believe they are objective. Many of them believe they do think critically. But their behaviour and their inability to recognise narrative spin says otherwise. Something my former pastor used to say often was, "The only true objectivity is subjectivity rendered conscious of itself." Meaning, there is no such thing as a truly objective person. We all have biases. We are all susceptible to spin and propaganda. The best that we can do is to be aware of what our specific biases are and be willing to challenge them by asking ourselves hard questions. My bias is that I identify with and empathise with Loki. Why do I connect with him? What is it in him that calls out to me so strongly? Why is it important to me that he be defended? Why does it matter that people see him the way I do? Am I being overly merciful to him? If I am, what's compelling me to do that? Am I not being merciful enough? If not, why? How has my perspective been skewed to this point? What does my perception of Loki say about my core values? Am I satisfied with what it says about my core values? And on and on.
This got way longer and ramblier (not sure that's a word? lol) than I intended, but TL;DR it's always a good idea to take the time to ask why a villain is a villain and a hero is a hero, even if you ultimately come away with the conclusion that they indeed are one. The value is in the question as much as it is in the answer.
#thanks to the murdering them comment#i'm henceforth going to be picturing debunking anti-loki arguments as gladiatorial games lmao#send me asks#topic: hero/villain coding#loki meta#loki#mcu#fandom wank
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