#midnight drives | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

technaart · 2 years

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sooooo i saw you wanted requests >:) fear no more, dear tumblr writer, i gotchu covered!

how about this... xiao x reader, angst to fluff, where xiao tries to distance himself from reader because he realized he's in love with her and doesn't want to bring calamity to her life, but she actually loves him too! try to give it a happy ending ><

I won't say I'm in love

Pairing: Xiao x fem! reader

Genre: angst with a happy ending :)

A/N: Thank you for being my first request ever I honestly thought I'd get none!

With a call of his name, the Yaksha appears before you, standing with perfect balance on the rails of Wangshu Inn. The sight of him made you giddy inside, like when you were a kid on the morning of Christmas.

"Hi, Xiao," you greet him with a bright smile, holding out your usual welcome home gift; almond tofu. "Welcome home!"

His eyes widen at your words, with the sight of you standing there as the light of the moon shined upon you. Absolutely ethereal, you were in his eyes. You had his limbs frozen in place with just a look, your smile, laugh, everything made his heart nearly jump out of his chest. His greatest weakness...

Xiao grew tense with that realization, trying desperately to ignore the worried expression taking over your cute face. There was no way he can ever say that out loud, least of all to you. Just friends, right? Xiao shakes his head, maybe even not that. Not anymore.

"I have to go,"

You frown, confused and so worried for him. "Wait, Xiao. What's wrong -?"

He was gone with the next soft breeze.

What just happened? You think to yourself, holding the plate of food close to you now. The only other thing you can think of is maybe someone called his name? Or he heard something that needed his attention? Hoping it was any of those and not something that you may have done to accidentally offend him, you enter back into the Inn, to the room you always paid for. By now it was practically your home.

You waited.

And waited.

Xiao never showed up. Or so you thought.

In the early morning of Liyue, Xiao appeared. You were asleep still, head on the pillow while hugging the extra one you always requested for. It was difficult for you to fall asleep without hugging something. The adorable sight had Xiao's lips tug upward as the thought, I wish that was me instead, filled his mind.

The sudden thought made him jerk away, turning his back towards you. Xiao berated himself for thinking that, feeling that way. He didn't deserve your affection. Didn't deserve this, him.

Deeply rooted inside of him, Xiao believed that he would bring nothing but danger and death to your life if he stayed involved with you. He was a curse. A weapon to be used. Not to love or be loved.

You shift in the sheets behind him, the sound of your sleepy voice startling him so much that he left before you can finish saying his name.

Oh, okay.

That kind of stung you. It was common knowledge that Xiao had his bad days and you understand when he needs his space to think through his thoughts. You also understand when to insert yourself so that he doesn't drown himself in those thoughts.

You hoped that you hadn't missed those signs and now it was too late to help him through it. In your sleepy state, you glance over at the nightstand nearby.

The plate of Almond Tofu still sat there, untouched.

One day passed with no contact with Xiao, and you were okay. You continued on with your daily tasks, taking in any commission Kathrine offered you. You had to pay for your stay at the Inn somehow.

Two, or three days pass and that ball of worry and anxiety grew until there was an uncomfortable pressure in your chest that hasn't been there in a while, since you meet Xiao, actually. He was your comfort, and made you feel safe and cared full when you were with him.

I guess he didn't feel that way about me.

Xiao avoided Zhongli's stare. He'd just been informed about the nonstop work you have been doing instead of resting. You used to call his name out every night around dinnertime, in hopes that he would show up. He did, just not where you can see him. It hurt to see your dejected face each time as you walked tiredly into your room, but not before leaving the plate out on the balcony for him.

"You can't avoid her forever," started Zhongli, blowing softly on his tea before taking a sip. "You care for her as much as she does you. If this continues, she will end up exhausting herself waiting for you."

Xiao turned his head. "She's human. They move on eventually,"

"Not all of them." Zhongli mused, making the Adeptus side glance at him. "It is possible to die of a broken heart."

The thought of you dying, because of him even after he did his best to keep away and avoid that... made him feel, panicked. With the image of you being laid to rest by Zhongli and that one funeral girl burned into his mind made Xiao stand up, knocking the chair to the floor.

There was an expression on his face that Zhongli hasn't seen on Xiao's face since he saved him; desperation. Yet, when Xiao vanished, he couldn't stop the small smirk on his face at his handiwork.

Xiao deserved you.

You weren't standing out on the balcony this time. Instead, you lay in your room, the space dark save for the desk lamp next to the bed. He can see your form under the covers with soft-sounding cries reaching his ears.

He did this.

He hurt you.

Xiao almost left again, but his body moved forward until he was climbing onto the bed, sitting on his knees as his head peaked out from the cover. Your eyes widen at the sight of him, with the sudden touch of his gloved hands cradling your face in them.

"Let me speak," he started, voice strong with emotion. "I can't handle the thought of you getting hurt. I only cause death, Y/N, and staying away from you is the safest option. Or so I thought."

"I feel the safety with you, Xiao. Right by your side is where I belong." You whisper, placing your hands on his to keep him there.

There was a vulnerability in his eyes you have never seen before and it made your heart soar with the thought that he trusted you enough to show it.

His voice breaks. "I don't deserve you, but you, you Y/N, deserve the world."

You sit up properly, wrapping your arms around him tightly. Wanting him to know that you were right there and not planning on going anywhere. His hands splayed out on your back, holding you to his chest, afraid to let you go.

"I love you, Xiao. I understand that you get scared too -" he didn't deny it, though you knew on a normal day he would have. " -but you don't have to worry about hurting me. I know you'll be there whenever I call."

He nodded his head, hiding it in your shoulder.

You kiss the top of his head. "And I don't need the world, I don't need anything, just you."

Hearing your words being said so full of love and devotion caused Xiao to lift his head up enough to look at you. The space between your faces is nonexistent when he kissed you. A kiss that had tears burning behind your eyelids, trying to fall with the love he made you feel.

I love you, his kisses said, finally able to accept it.

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i23kazu · 2 years

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MAKE THIS MOMENT LAST FOREVER.

contents — night drives with xiao

pairing — xiao x gn!reader

warning — nil

driving with xiao consists of midnight runs to the not-so-nearest convenience store. it’s a few blocks down the road, and you often wonder why xiao prefers that building instead of the one quite literally forty steps away from the lobby of your apartment.

he knows why, though.

it’s because he wants to make this moment last forever.

it’s because he’s in love with you. he’s in love with the way your hair falls messily all over your face when he lets the windows down while driving or your annoying commentary about every single bird or cat that catches your eye on the street because they’re all so cute, xiao!

cute, just like you.

he gets to see the light of the streetlamps hit your face, illuminating your gorgeous features while he watches you try to blink away the sleepiness from a college filled day. alternate rock music blasts from the speakers — he knows that you don’t even like the genre but you use his playlists because you have a rule of your car, your music; and archons, he loves you even more just for that.

he gets to see you stare sleepily out the window, after a few rounds of telling you that it was okay to take a nap and you protesting that you weren’t tired. but you were, and that was okay, but you refused to sleep — because how would you be able to glance at your handsome driver with your eyes closed?

and after all that, after parking the car and opening the car door for you to step out, he gets to watch you quietly slip your hand within his, his own curling around yours tightly. how lovely a sight to see, when human hands are just made to be intertwined with each other. he gets to watch you lay your head on his shoulder, your body quite literally drooping with sleep.

“you can take a nap if you’d like, (y/n). i’m more than happy to carry you back to the car.”

you eventually do give in to the lulls of quiet subconciousness. xiao wraps his arms around your torso, lifting you up from your hips and placing you gently against his chest. his hand — the one that isn’t supporting your weight — is now used to rub your back calmly as he stays on in the store, paying for snacks and coffee.

he opens the car door (with much difficulty) and seats you inside, strapping the seat buckle across your body and pressing a light kiss to your forehead. he watches your head loll about sleepily with a slight smile adorning his face, which quickly turns into a sympathetic grimace as he hears a thump from when you hit your head lightly against the side panel.

although you were asleep for most of it… he knows why he enjoys these night drives with you.

yes, he knows why he takes a 15 minute drive to a 7-11 instead of walking ten metres with you.

it’s because he’d rather make this moment last forever.

please like n reblog (esp w tags!! they make my day) and consider following me :3

#[📝 stewardess' notepad!]#xiao fluff #xiao x gn reader #xiao x reader #xiao x you #xiao x y/n #genshin x gn reader #genshin x reader #midnight drives #genshin fluff #genshin x reader sfw

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to-the-maxx · 2 months

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— ^v^v^ —

#blasting music > regular posts

#volume down > vents

#midnight drives > nsfw

— v^v^v —

#blasting music #volume down #midnight drives

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skeletonfumes · 6 months

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Goku: Midnight Eye [MIDNIGHT EYE ゴクウ] Yoshiaki Kawajiri

#goku midnight eye #yoshiaki kawajiri #anime #anime edit #mygifs #gifset #80s anime #drive #anime aesthetic #kawajiri forever #cyberpunk

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piecesintoplaces · 10 months

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i polish up real nice.

#got this idea while driving 65 mph to bejeweled....oops #tswiftedit #tsedit #tscreators #dailytayloredit #candy swift #taylor swift #bejeweled #edit #lyric graphic #midnights #photoset #1k

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moo-blogging · 2 months

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Levi smutty thoughts (children please read something else)

There's only 2 ways of having sex with Levi:

1. Levi takes his time to strip you and himself naked. Kissing you passionately, exploring your body bit by bit as he tears yours and his clothing off. You would be dripping even before he pulls your panties off. He'll insert you deep and slow, making sure that you adjust to his size.

He'll lick your breasts and suck your nipples. Your hands grab his hair and the sheets as you moan with pleasure. Levi's thrust would slowly intensify, going from "making sure your walls are rubbed" to "hard collision of your hips, his tip slamming good into your limit".

Levi would make you cum multiple times, kissing your lips when he felt your warm liquid engulfing his hardened member. "Cummed again?" Levi pushes your hair off your sweaty face, "so sensitive ey, my love? Lemme make you cum somemore."

And he keeps fucking you until your legs are numb, and your hole a hot, red, wet, sensitive mess.

2. Levi wouldn't waste a moment to push his hardened member into you. He pushes you harshly onto the bed and unbuckles his belt. Unbottoning and unzipping his trousers, he pulls his already hardened member out. Without wasting a moment, he pulls your panties to the side with one finger and inserts himself into you with force.

With the suddenness of his huge member in you, you jerk and gasp loudly. Levi covers your mouth with his palm, "shut your mouth, cadet. It's not like you haven't taken my cock before!"

Violently, Levi unbottons the top three buttons of your shirt before tugging it to reveal one of your breasts. He grabs your exposed breast, squeezing with so much force it turns you on without you knowing why. With one palm on your mouth and another on your breast, all you could do is roll your eyes as you moan into his strong palm.

Levi would slam his hips into yours mercilessly as if he were taking revenge on you. He wouldn't allow you to adjust to his size, or wait for your hole to be moisturised. His precum is already smearing on your inner thighs before he pushed himself into you.

Your legs hanging on his shoulders, toes squeezed together from the pleasure and pain, your mouth open as involuntary moans slip from your throat. Even with Levi's rough actions on you, he still manages to hit your sweet spot and very sooon, you cum.

When Levi feels your warm liquid gushing out and stains his inner thighs, he buckles up and fucks you hard and rough for another 5min before pulling out and cumming onto the bed. Levi gasps at the sudden intense pleasure and release of frustration as his pumps his thick, white seed onto the sheets.

You both catch your breaths for a moment before Levi climbs over and kisses your mouth. "Good job, cadet," Levi pulls your clothes up to cover your red and swollen breast, "I'll make sure you're well taken care of now."

#ok its like 630am when i woke up with this thought #so its a morning thought huh #ok my hormones are driving me insane #levi ackerman #levi smut #levi ackerman smut #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou #levi x y/n #midnight thoughts #levi x you #aot x y/n #levi ackerman x you

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black-and-yellow · 8 days

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The walk home from UA

#i've been thinking about micnight a lot. somebody call an ambulance or a therapist or something #this might even drive me to read School Briefs again just for content of them interacting for once #this is why Vigilantes is better we get more interactions with the teacher trio #I realise I draw a ton of this concept but I do not care anymore #nobody can stop me drawing silly micnight stuff. Piggyback ride. Partners in crime. They are just one of the ever.#you know.#bnha #eraserhead bnha #shouta aizawa #eri chan #nemuri kayama #hizashi yamada #present mic #midmic #do NOT look at Aizawa's arms and do NOT try and understand the physics of Mic's legs #it's half 2 in the morning I was not about to spend any more time making it look actually good #drawing people from the side my arch nemesis #if someone made a VRChat avatar of Midnight in her little skirt suit outfit from Save the World With Love I would cry #it's so hard to find normal Midnight avatars

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starry-bi-sky · 9 months

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Part SEVEN of "Clone Danny"

Red Robin, Danny recognizes, steps away from him as he sits up. "My name is Phantom," he signs, blinking the exhaustion out of his eyes. (From Red Robin's perspective, it looks like he has no eyes. There lacks his signature green glow.) "I'm not a gang member, just an out-of-town vigilante."

Red Robin frowns at him, an uncertain grip on the bō in his other hand. "Phantom?" He repeats, no lacking amount of suspicion in his voice. "How can I believe that?"

Right. Yeah, okay, that's fair. Danny shrugs at him, and slumps against the wall. "Google search?" He gestures, he's been out in the daytime before and he's seen the news articles about him.

Red's eyes narrow at him and Danny simply draws his knees up and faceplants into them, half-listening to Red's murmurs into his comm while also trying to get some extra-shut eye.

("Oracle, can you pull up anything on a vigilante named Phantom? The guy here is claiming to be one." Tim says.

"On it."

"Is this Phantom wearing a white mask?" Bruce asks, his voice gruff like an aftershock. "There's a vigilante who shares the same name, but he resides in Illinois."

"Is this guy from that Amity city you visited ages ago?" Says Tim, before shaking his head. "Don't answer that. Yes, he's wearing some freaky mask. I said it reminded me of Hood's helmet for a reason."

"I've got something," Oracle interrupts, "Bats' right. as usual. The Phantom of Amity Park, not much stuff of this guy but he's only been out for over a year. Apparently, his rogues' gallery consists of ghosts."

"Oh great.")

"Look tell the Batman that I'm sorry for trespassing on his turf," He signs irritably when Red Robin eventually starts talking to (re: interrogating) him again. "It's not like I want to be here."

"How did you get in Gotham anyways?" Red Robin questions, batman was on his way to help deal with the situation but Tim doubted he wouldn't get caught up on the way with dealing with petty crime. "Your turf is nearly a thousand miles away from here."

"Two words." Danny deadpans, "Teleport ghost." (Red Robin winces sympathetically.) "I'm keeping this bastard in the thermos for a month for this alone."

(Danny was ignoring the slow-choking anxiety growing in his lungs over how he was gonna get home. He never takes his phone when he goes out, the risk of breaking it was too high. He had no way of contacting anyone to get him home.)

(He swallows the growing lump in his throat, and buries the feeling in the back of his mind.)

"Thermos?"

Danny unclips his Fenton Phantom Thermos off from his belt loop and shows it to Red Robin. "My ghost-catching device," He says with one hand, tilting it carefully for Red to inspect. "I wish I could say I made it, but its a FentonWorks invention."

(He wasn't sure if it was a smart idea to say who it belonged to, but saying it wasn't his probably loosened up any tracks on him, right?)

"Do you work with these Fentons, then?" Red asks, and something dark and shadowy flickers from the corner of Danny's eye. He glances over, and sees nothing, and his hackles raise.

(Either that was Batman, or a ghost, or Danny's mind playing tricks on him. He couldn't feel his ghost sense building in his throat, so he decided it was either the latter of the former.)

Danny snorts, quiet and gruff. "No." He clips his thermos to his belt again, stifling a smile on his face. "The Fentons hate me actually, I prevent them from catching ghosts themselves. Their son gives me their tech."

He had a cover story, so he might as well stick with it, right?

Batman shows up at that moment, appearing atop the little roof where the door is, and giving Danny a heart attack when he speaks in his low, rumbly voice like thunder rolling in, "Why would they hate you for that?"

Danny shoots up to his feet with a startled yell in his throat, clutching his chest as he whirls around and looks up. He nearly runs into Red Robin, and signs a few choice swears at the Bat.

"wow you're scarier in person, asshole."

"you didn't answer my question."

"Of course I didn't, you scared me." and Danny takes a trembling step back when the Batman jumps down and lands on the roof in front of him. He's faced ghosts before, but somehow the living is always scarier.

"But, um, the reason is a bit.. complicated, I guess." He says, fingers beginning to shake as his adrenaline wears off. God is he tired. He wants to go home. "The Fentons are the local ghost hunters and local crazies. I don't know if I can call them mad scientists because they're harmless to the living."

"But they're extremely anti-ghost. I've heard from their son multiple times the very unethical things they would do to ghosts if they got their hands on one."

Danny 'talks' a little more before calling it quits, even telling Batman that he can't tell him more without putting his identity at risk.

Plus, its getting harder and harder to hide his bone-deep exhaustion and his growing fear of being stranded in the most dangerous city in America with no way home.

"I would love to tell you more, believe me I'm dying to." Danny signs, shaky sarcasm dripping from his fingers. His hands are visibly trembling and he's withholding a slowly growing panic attack. "But I would like nothing more than to figure out a way to get home."

"Do you have no one to contact?"

"Sort of. But only one of them could probably come get me and get me back to Amity by sunrise. And I have no phone."

That one person being Ellie.

=====

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 4.5 (Dani interlude) Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.5 (Dan Interlude) Part 8

Taglist: @the-navistar-carol @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @gin2212 @youracearocroatneighbour @luckybyrdrobyn @deeplyconfusedbear @epilepticnerd @beautifulmomenttodrawblank @sara0055 @blusunkhild @letmesayfuxk (?) @latheevening226 @tkiesai @rosedasy @meira-3919

#dp x dc #dpxdc crossover #danny fenton is a clone #dpxdc #dp crossover #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc au #it was either ellie comes to get danny or he stays in gotham Somewhere #and he's Only Just met the bats so they're prolly not gonna offer anything #danny's fear of being alone in gotham is prolly downplayed here #but if it were me i would ALSO be slowly driving up to. a panic attack the longer i was in an unfamiliar city with no way home #if this were a proper fic that panic attack would be a lot more evident in the writing #alas #not me looking up Batfam personality cheat sheets because ive never read the comics #dont trust my characterization of the batfam im winging it on google search and summaries of their personalityand out of context comic page #fun fact amity park is described as a moderately large urban city similar to chicago or san francisco which means i cant call it a small to #listening to Dark Arkansas Daughter while writing this #'you with the dark curls you with the watercolor eeyes. you who bares all your teeth in every smiiile' is so au danny coded #bullet point to prevent me from dragging #i need to stop writing these at midnight #im a very honest person and it shows in my writing and it sucks

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kingkatsuki · 3 months

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Bakugou groans when the fast food worker does a double take of him waiting in line at the Drive-Thru, the McDonald’s on the outskirts of Central Musutafu the only place open after two am.

He probably should’ve changed out of his hero costume before turning up to the restaurant, but when he received a call from you just before the end of his shift he knew it was an emergency. The adorable, sleepy lilt to your voice had him dropping everything in favour of sourcing nuggets in the early hours.

Only his pregnant wife could coax him away from his regular commute to pick up something that should satiate the cravings, thankful that somewhere was still open so he didn’t have to disappoint you with something from the local kombini.

Sending you a tired selfie with the bag safely in the passengers seat before making his way home to you🥺

#soft bakugou #I was gonna make it so he was standing in the drive-thru line on foot #because you know when every other restaurant is open that’s like your ONLY option #but then trains don’t run in Japan after midnight so I was like how would he get home :(((#and then I started worrying about Bakugou walking home with a bag of nugd #like he’d be so sad they got cold for you :((

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collectorcookie · 2 months

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If Nobody Will Talk About Shiawase No Uta Lyrics, I Will

Here are my fave parts:

1. Makoto and Mao giving it their all to catch up to Subaru and Hokke and to live up to Trickstars Name

2. Subaru and Hokuto being bound by a similar fate and holding onto eachother

3. Subaru suffering through darkness and then finding light within trickstar

#*comes out of trip album covered in blood* i'm fine (i'm not)#ASDFFGGKHLLGOWWKQNSKFOFNWBWKSNSNS THIS SOOOOOOOOOONG I SWEAR #TrickstarPs just keep winning #Are trickstar stories just that good that a few lines from the lyrics reflect their growth and them overcoming #their hardships so well that it drives me insane #Or is this just me being insane about trickstar in general?#Moral of the story: power of friendship is an unstoppable force <3 #trickstar #subaru akehoshi #makoto yuuki #mao isara #hokuto hidaka #anzu enstars #<- putting her too because she was there at the end as well #enstars #ensemble stars #and i am SURE i can find more quotes and parts of ts stories if i keep searching for them that match the lyrics but #It's midnight and i need to calm down a bit yeh

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goldrushzukka · 1 year

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#truly drives me crazy crazy crazy #mine #taylor swift #dear reader #midnights

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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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By god do I just need to scream into the ether about the Heart and co. confrontation scene.

First, the tension, incredible. Gemini and Fourth are phenomenal actors. Heart and Li Ming know they are walking in to a very emotionally fraught situation and their hesitation is palpable.

It's scene breakdown time babyyyy! Let's start from the beginning

For a boy who admitted last episode that he has no idea what he is doing, he sure keeps doing things right. He's letting Heart know he's going to talk. Now, granted I don't know what he is saying here precisely if he is just simply saying "I'm going to talk for us/first", "I'll interpret," or if he's saying "I'm going to talk?", I don't think his face moves in any way that would imply a question, but his face is partially obscured. Either way he is at the very least keeping Heart in the know, and at the most asking for Heart's explicit consent to lead this conversation. You can't see it from pictures, but I appreciate the fact that before they cut back to the wide shot, Heart nods, so we as an audience, and Li Ming as the speaker here knows that Heart is okay with the power dynamics at play, with Li Ming talking for both of them.

It's a blink and you'll miss it moment, thankfully I'm obsessed with this scene and therefore have been looping it endlessly, but I feel compelled to point out the way eye contact in this moment goes a long way in conveying how Heart's Mom and Li Ming view Heart. When Heart's mother points to her son she doesn't even look at him. The most she does is cast a downward glance at his bandage, and that's before she even points. And you can argue all you want that she doesn't look at him because she's specifically talking to and addressing Li Ming. But I call bullshit on that because Li Ming is specifically talking to and addressing Heart's mother, and he's looking straight in to Heart's eyes when he refers to and gestures towards Heart. I'm sure that both of these characters believe they love and care about Heart, but of these two characters which one actually recognizes Heart's personhood?

But uh oh! Li Ming stood up for himself and for Heart, and talked back to not just an adult, but a powerful adult. And now she's mentioning past debts, and now there will be more to pay as a result. And Li Ming can only work so much with school and life and everything. He clearly doesn't know what he's getting himself in to, or what he has gotten himself in to. Li Ming and Heart's Mom are both getting angry, tensions are rising, something needs to happen to de-escalate the situation or this might go wrong. Uncle Jim absolutely must intervene (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in my voice). Interesting note: Guess who else doesn't look at their child when making a decision for them. Jim does look at Li Ming directly after this though, but it's to ask him why he did it. It's to place the blame for the accident on Li Ming. "You Li Ming, why did you do it?" "Heart asked me to." "Stop saying that."

Jim is scared, Li Ming is pissed. "He was bored at home" "I said stop!" Jim is used to the way powerful and wealthy people can control and punish the poor. Jim and Li Ming have had conversations before that indicate this very mindset. Jim has mentioned power to Li Ming before and Li Ming's response has always been "what, so we just let them?" "He's a police officer so he can just do anything he wants to us?" to a young adult like Li Ming, this is an absurdity, to an older man like Jim, this is a reality. "he can just do anything he wants to us?" the answer is yes. Which is why Jim is so desperate to get Li Ming to stop talking here. But it just serves as a reminder to Li Ming that Jim thinks he's a child, and that he needs all his battles fought for him. If Li Ming doesn't keep pushing, nothing is going to change (social and political commentary anyone?)

"There you go again," Heart's mother says, and this is Li Ming's initial reaction. This moment of annoyance and anger that this woman who doesn't even know him is once again accusing him of something he didn't do. This woman who is pointing once again to her son without even a glance in his direction "You know that he's mute, so you can say whatever you want?" First of all, even people who are mute have ways to communicate, so it's not like even if he was mute Heart would be helpless. Hell, even if Heart was mute he still has fucking sign language.

The face of a woman who was, in fact, not aware that deaf people dislike being called mute.

GUESS WHO FINALLY LOOKS AT HER SON AFTER THAT!!!! Please please if the writers are kind and merciful, this will be the point in the show where Heart's mother does so deep deep introspection and realizes how much she has fucked up. "He's just deaf," Li Ming says, loudly, and he steps forward, to try to engage Heart's mom in further conversation, in more dialogue. And what does Jim do? Pulls him back, takes him off his even footing "I said stop,"

The face of a man who is very scared for the trouble his nephew might be getting himself in to, and the face of his nephew who is very disappointed that his uncle keeps not only backing down, but forcing him to back down as well. Who keeps asking him, in these small ways to lie instead of tell the truth. To remain quiet, to take the blame, to stick to the status quo.

And then the part I hate (emotionally) begins. Heart asks Li Ming to tell him what they're saying. And I hate it because Heart's parents refusing to learn sign language does not only hurt Heart but it hurts everyone around him, themselves included. But specifically here, it hurts Li Ming, because he has to be the one to look Heart in the face and repeat the words his mother said, knowing that to do so will hurt Heart. Knowing that he has to be the one to hurt Heart.

And this moment is also a great reminder for the audience as well that no one else knowing sign language creates really uncomfortable power dynamics between the person who is able to interpret and the Deaf person. Because Li Ming is hesitant to repeat it. Heart has to repeatedly grab his arm, repeatedly ask Li Ming to tell him what was said. Li Ming has absolute power over Heart right now, to refuse to say it, or to flat out lie. He doesn't, but it also should not be Li Ming's decision whether or not Heart knows, accurately, what was said. Even after we see it in his face that Li Ming agrees to translate, he still hesitates for a few seconds to move, to reach for the notepad, to have to write it down.

And once he writes it down, Li Ming's eyes do not leave Heart. He is honed in on Heart, on Heart's face, on his shoulders, hell even on the back of his head until Heart asks him to translate. And god as much as I hate this moment in the scene for the pain that it causes Li Ming, I hate it even more for the pain that it causes Heart.

He is fucking livid. Rightfully so, because HE'S NOT FUCKING MUTE, HE'S HAD LANGUAGE THIS ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME. He just wants to live his life like everyone else AND HE HAS TO TELL HIS PARENT'S THAT USING SOMEONE ELSE'S VOICE. Because they have refused to use his own. GOD. I'll be surprised if anyone makes it this far down in the post but I just...AHHHH I have no coherent thoughts about this moment, I just....Heart's parents do fucking better. Damn. And the worst part of this scene is yet to come because his Mom tries for like 0.2 seconds, but it looks like she's going to start signing something and Heart just looks SO surprised.

He's so focused on it, he's paying so much attention to it. Is this it? Is this the moment he finds out that his mother has actually been trying? That she has learned and is ready to start using sign language with him? To talk to him, to understand him?

No.

She can't do it. She doesn't know how to. And it's just..it's so easy to see how much hope he had for just a second, how much that one millisecond of effort obliterated all the logic in his head that told him they didn't know it, they didn't care. And how quickly that disappointed anger snaps right back in to place. So Heart starts talking, in sign language, like he has been able to do for years, and he speaks his mind, and his mother still can't understand him. And we see the same dynamic here as with the "mute" comment. Heart's Mom wants Li Ming to translate, Heart wants Li Ming to translate, Li Ming knows how hurt Heart is, and yeah, probably some of his hesitation in voicing what Heart said is because he knows what Heart said will hurt her. But more so because I think it hurts Li Ming to know how much pain Heart is in.

God, poor Heart, literally having to beg to be heard.

"He said you are ashamed of him being deaf,"

His mother shakes her head and says "Heart, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, dear," and therein lies the problem. She doesn't know what to say, she never has. She has never bothered to learn how to communicate with him since he went deaf. She has kept him locked away. And it doesn't matter if she thinks she did that to keep him safe, Heart feels like he's being hidden away. And she doesn't say "No. No I'm not ashamed. I have never been ashamed." she doesn't know what to say. Because she can't say that. She can't deny that, and it just confirmed everything that Heart has known. So he leaves, because that's too much to handle.

Bullshit 'he'll be fine, honey'. Your fucking son just told you that you never bothered to learn sign language in THREE FUCKING YEARS, and stormed away after admitting that he feels like you are ashamed of him, and you think no need to go after him, he'll be fine??? Fuck you. ACAB.

Does this...

look like...

he's fine, to you?

No. I didn't think so.

I don't really feel like I need to say much about this last shot. It stands on its own so strongly. Mirrors reflecting back, Heart and Li Ming only ever being able to see each other, to be seen by each other. Warm light at Heart's back, Li Ming in front of him, sandwiched between warmth in all of that blue, isolating coldness. All that evidence of how much time and the energy Heart has spent learning sign language. I don't know what the post-its say, I don't know that I want to know.

I don't know if they are notes Heart has written to himself when he was learning, and this is just what remains of his effort. Honestly I hope it's that, because if it is what I think it is, general, every day responses that he might have to give in reply to his parents that he can just pull off his wall and return, that is so much fucking worse. Because then its just the evidence of all the effort Heart has put in to communicate with his parents on their level when they have not put in the same effort to communicate on his. Even if it's something cute, even if it's all the notes that he and Li Ming have passed back and forth to each other over the last few months, serving as a reminder that someone cares, you still are left with the heartbreaking shot of two young men, desperate to be understood by their families, only having each other to hold on to, surrounded by reminders that they are the only two people that can understand each other. No matter how hard they try.

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