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#maybe as much as bokuaka

taeyamayang · 6 months

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i recently started my first job and one of the new hires (my batch) happens to also play genshin and it turns out he mains cyno (im a tighnari main) sO when he joined my world he straight out said

"bestieeeee."

like, I WAS HOLDING BACK stopping myself from replying,

"im pretty sure they arent."

BUT I DIDNT OFC BC I HAVE TO BE NORMAL FOR 1 SEC

#i just love cynari sm ok #maybe as much as bokuaka #and kavetham #genshin #genshin impact #cynari #cyno #tighnari #peas.tmi.sessions

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mrs-nubenueve · 2 years

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was forced to watch an ep of amazon’s god awful lotr show and after going through the 5 stages of grief i was inspired to create some more content for my eventual bokuaka beren-and-lúthien au fic. here’s the post where i mention it initially.

in this scene, our couple escapes from some bad guys and heads straight for the heart of danger. don’t let the cute little costumes fool you…they skinned a vampire and werewolf for those <33

#haikyuu!!#bokuaka #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #alternate universe #lotr au #silm au #my art #ok but fr i don’t think i’m gonna fully recover from seeing that trainwreck #anyways!! this was fun!!#esp the existential crisis i went thru trying to decide who should be who #that didn’t amount to much except maybe placing oikawa in the role of finrod??? LMAO

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pettysetters · 2 years

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Oh no. Oh no no no.

I read a couple angsty BokuAka timeskip getting back together fics, where Bokuto and Akaashi have been separated for a year- or a couple of years sometimes- and that’s fine, it’s great, they’re soulmates who find their way back to each other all the time it’s just. These fics, they’re on my mind constantly, and a friend showed me a cover of Blake Shelton’w Austin from the other point of view and now I’m sobbing instead of working on a paper because where is the BokuAka Austin fic?? WHERE???

#look I can so see it. akaashi needing to clear his mind? taking off/slowly pulling away from his friends and bokuto #the anxiety is killing him it’s been building up for ages. maybe they were in a relationship for some #time. or maybe it was then finally getting together after the years of pining- maybe the day bokuto signed for the jackals or maybe the day #akaashi graduated high school. and it’s all so much and he CANT and he takes off and goes to uni- and then later. he calls. there’s the VM #and a ‘ps if this is Tokyo. i still love you’ like. bitch that would BREAK me #also I use Tokyo bc like. idk where he’s working/going to college. Tokyo is just a placeholder until I come up with smth.#haikyuu!!#bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #bokuaka

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lovdlydaz · 8 months

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black!top!amab reader x bttm!koutarou bokuto

bokuto was getting more and more desperate for you, it was so bad he couldn't even wait after games. so you teach him to be patient... with your own methods.

warnings: nsfw, praise, degradation, edging, begging, permission to cum, oral (reader!receiving), impatient bo, pet names such as "puppy", master kink, hardcore musk kink, PDA if you close one eye, bdsm, multiple orgasms

a/n: i am literally so braindead over this man, he's invaded my life and won't come out. happy birthday bokuto!

your poor little owl boy had been rutting up against you ever since he had woken up this morning. he was so desperate to feel you, touch you, have you hold him close that when he had to go to practice that day, he skipped it entirely to stay in the house with you. you didn't understand why he wanted to be so close to you, you both did live in the same house after all... you gave him so much love, so much of what he truly needed. but, he got more and more whiny every day, more whimper-y every day, more needy.

he was little a puppy in heat to you, constantly trying to rub up against you, hold you, smell you, just keep you close. he wanted to stay near you, so badly had he wanted to just crawl into your skin to be even closer to you. you didn't understand it, maybe bokuto was just a puppy in heat...

well, today was the day of his biggest game yet. it was against argentina, and he was more than pumped for this day. he had been training just for this, for his hits to be the hardest they’ve ever been. however, his neediness was up to its peak at this point, and he just kept whining and whining when you told him to get out of bed. he only had a few minutes to get ready yet he was glued to you like grease to a pan.

“bo… you gotta get off me okay? you gotta get ready for your big day okay puppy?” you sweet talked him, he wasn’t all that great with yelling or harsh tones (tism at its finest). he just kept whining, his grip around your waist getting tighter and tighter. sometimes you forgot how strong your dear boy was, now he was basically crushing your hip bones with his strength. you tapped him, but he didn’t let up.

“don’t wanna leave you,” he mumbled, keeping his face covered in your back which he loved. he loved everything about you, that was for certain. he genuinely wanted to keep you close, keep you safe. he loved you too much, way too much. but, he had to get to the game, and he hadn’t taken a shower or anything. so, you sighed, getting up out of your shared bed (by force, bokuto shoved himself into your bed and didn’t move the first few nights you stayed together).

you kept him around your waist as you walked, and he never let go of you. you turned on the bath and told him to hold his arms up, stripping him of your shirt that he wore all the time. he also wasn’t wearing shorts, just boxers. you stripped him before he latched himself against you once more, you were just in boxers since bokuto never wanted you to wear many clothes when you went to bed. you could call this toxic or controlling, but that’s just how he was. he loved your scent, your musk, he adored it. he adored everything about you, and that was prominent in everything he did.

hence that’s why he was being washed by you, while in your lap. poor boy just kept clinging to you, like you were going to leave him. you weren’t, obviously, but he always thought you would. after his relationship with his ex, keiji akaashi (yes i ship bokuaka fight me), he always thought you were going to leave him. but, you never were, it was just his attachment issues. he stayed close to you, cuddled up into your body and your well-formed chest.

“don’t wanna go,” he whined, now you were dressing him in his uniform and travel outfit. he just kept trying to hold you as you dressed him, more than once having to swat his hand away from your body because you needed to dress him properly. he was so needy for you, honestly it was a little annoying. but, every time he stared at you with those big golden eyes of his you couldn’t stay mad at him for long. he was too cute for you, way too cute. yet most of his opponents say he’s the scariest out of them all. even after sakusa, which is saying something.

once he was fully dressed you could feel a pair of rough hands wrap around your waist yet again, chuckling as you held him close. your big bo was such a doll, such a treat yet you still needed to get him to the car. “kou kou, c’mon… you gotta go puppy, i’ll be in the stands cheering you on okay?” you cooed, the white-and-black haired boy shaking his head. “won’t be close to you,” he whimpered, shushing him as you talked to him.

“kou, you know i got those really close seats, almost right next to you yeah? you’re be as close as you can to me, okay love?” you comforted him, making him somewhat relax his bear-tight grip around your waist. though, he was still clinging onto you, which you didn’t need.

so, sighing softly you just waddled to your car, basically ripping bokuto off your hips and softly placing him in the car. you sat in and put on your seatbelt, yet you find a pair of veiny tan hands wrapping around your waist yet again. for some reason, koutarou had a godly obsession with your waist. it was so small, so feminine, and fit into his hands so well. that was another thing he loved about you, how skinny yet built you were, but you could easily pick him up with no trouble. and, you were only a few inches taller than him, but he cherished the height difference so much.

"bo, i have to put my seatbelt on. do you want me to get into an accident and die? then you won't have anyone to cuddle aggressively," you spat, though you had to admit you did say it a little harshly. because you looked back and bokuto was staring at the window, leaning against the door with tears in his eyes. you felt oh so terrible, guess you had forgotten how sensitive your lover was. "oh c'mon puppy... i'm sorry okay? you just have to be more patient and wait until your big day is up okay?" you tried to comfort him, but a small whimper and a huff was all you got in response.

you felt bad, really bad. you didn't mean to lose your temper, he had just been clinging onto you so much that it started to annoy you. but, you knew why he did it, why he did everything he did. you just let it slip on accident. he knew how much you loved him, how much you cared for him. he was just such a clingy puppy, you didn't know what to do.

the drive to the gymnasium was quieter than usual, soft sniffles being heard from the dual-haired male sitting besides you. your heart cracked with every one, you felt so terrible for making your boyfriend upset, you wanted to make it up to him. but, then again, he needed to learn how to be patient. he was getting way too needy nowadays, it got so bad that his coach had to come and pull you to the side to talk about his behavior. like a teacher would to a parent with a trouble-child.

"koutarou hasn't been very focused lately. he keeps mumbling about wanting to... 'hold master' and things like 'i miss him'. do you have anything to do with that?" his coach asked, making your face flush red hot at the first part. you just chuckled nervously and nodded, scratching the back of your neck. "oh- well yes, yes i do. see, i'm koutarou's boyfriend. we have this... thing. but, i'll talk to him about it, don't worry sir!" you stumbled over your words a little, but he got the message. he smiled and nodded, waving to you while he walked out. you waved back, and that was the day you decided enough was enough.

you parked in a V.I.P spot you had bought for yourself, getting out of the car and getting your boyfriend's stuff. he got out as well, but he still clinged onto you. he could never stay mad at you for long, and you both knew that. vice versa. so, as you felt him cling to you you just smiled softly, running your hands through his stiff hair—and by running your hands though i mean just moving them up and down—made you have to carry his fucking ginormous volleyball bag that he manages to carry with him to every game/practice.

after a grueling 20 minutes of walking with your star boyfriend around your waist and his heavy ass bag on your shoulder, you finally arrived to the court he was supposed to be practicing on. of course, you were late. and, you had warned bokuto about this, so now he had to be peeled off by his coach and forced to run 20 sprints for being late. of course he did that with ease, he was a fucking gym rat and literally drooled over the treadmill (that was a red flag in your opinion /j), so running wasn't much for him. however when he was finished he looked around, not seeing you and his eyes going soft.

you had went into the stands, saving your spot down there near the court to get an up close look on bokuto. and, when you had put your stuff down you went to the concessions to get drinks and food for you and koutarou.

once you came back the boys were warming up, and you cheered your lover on when he got a good spike. his head shot backwards and he met your eyes, those beautiful locks you had swinging as you nodded to him with a smile. he grinned from ear to ear, feeling his mood visibly change and the court took note of that too. you being there made bokuto want to show off for you, even though you knew of his special ability on the court.

✩░▒▓▆▅▃▂▁ ＬＯＡＤＩＮＧ… ▁▂▃▅▆▓▒░✩

the game was won 2-3, your lover's team (MSBY black jackals) being the victors yet again. with amazing defensive players like kiyoomi and shiron to tiny yet mighty surprises like hinata, you were sure this year the jackals would go undefeated. though, when you went down to congratulate your boyfriend the owl boy had the nerve to just kiss you in front of all his team, making the kiss deep and passionate. you obviously didn't object this motion, however when you snapped back to reality you pulled away from koutarou, his teammates watching you both with... different looks.

kiyoomi was disgusted due to his fear of any sort of germs (hence why he was bitchless), hinata was staring at the floor with a flushed expression, atsumu was giving you both a thumbs up and winking, romeo and the others were just staring at you two. after that whole awkward three seconds you pulled bokuto by the arm, grabbing his bag and hooking it over your shoulder as you steadily jogged back to the car with him in tow.

"hey!! i wasn't finished talking to my friends!" your boyfriend whined, but hearing your silence made him go quiet. once you both got to the car you slammed the door when you got in, looking over at your puppy and seeing those big golden eyes go soft with embarrassment. "what was that, koutarou?" you asked, using his full first name—not a good sign. he could tell you were visibly upset, yet your tone stayed calm and behaved. "w— well i— i just wanted to show you how much i love you—" he was cut off by the car turning on, then you pulling out from the gym to dart straight back to your humble abode.

you got out of the car and grabbed bokuto's things, whilst he grabbed yours as well. you both walked into the house together, tossing your shit somewhere before you had koutarou pinned against the wall, staring down at him with fierce eyes. "kou, you know how much i love you right?" your tone was sweet and mellow, but your demeanor was ragged and harsh. all the poor boy could do was nod his head, staring deep into those scary e/c eyes you were boring down at him right now. "so why on god's green earth did you make a kiss so passionate and steamy in front of all those people, plus it was streamed on live television?" your voice got harsher, making bokuto flinch. it wasn't that you didn't enjoy it, no it was the fact that bokuto had been pushing and pushing your patience, and this was the final straw.

"i— i-i... got j—jealous..." he mumbled, stuttering as blush fell over his face. "y-you were talking with someone and... and it wasn't me! it made me jealous!" he exclaimed, making you chuckle darkly. "bokuto, that was my friend. F-R-I-E-N-D. you didn't need to do that," your hand travelled to his neck, just holding it there but not squeezing. "i-i'm sorry m/n... i won't do it again!" well that was a bold-face lie. he would most certainly do it again, nobody gets to talk to you without him at your arm. "oh don't lie bo, i know you better than the back of my hand." you told him, looking down at him with a grim expression. he was shaking at this point, hot and sweaty from the game yet there was also a hard point down where his legs were that you could faintly feel through the fabric of his shorts.

raising an eyebrow you stared him up and down, smirking when you saw those large puppy dog eyes he always wore. “looks like i need to teach my puppy a lesson, yeah?” you asked, though it was a rhetorical question. he nodded, however, knowing that he was in big trouble now.

and you weren’t going to play nice.

now here he was, tied up against the headboard and back arching off the bed. his big bright eyes were glossy and filled with small tears as he looked up at you. you were torturing his cock, rubbing the tip with his own precum. he kept whimpering, more noises leaving his throat as the pleasure just built inside him. he was wearing a cockring, it was helping him not orgasm. he needed something more, something more than what he was being received. sure, he loved this, but he needed to let one out since it was right after a game.

“m—m/n… p-please…” he begged, but you weren’t letting up. “bo, you know why i’m doing this, right?” he nodded, he knew how much trouble he had caused after the game but it was all in good faith. it wasn’t his fault that he got jealous over every person that talked to you. it wasn’t his fault that he felt a need to be possessive over you. he had gained a connection with you that he hadn’t gotten from anyone, even his ex. so like hell he was going to let that go.

“but— but— please i… wan’ cum,” he mumbled, voice cracking as he jutted his hips up into your palm. he was still hard as shit, pre-cum covering his whole cock, base to tip. “you aren’t going to orgasm until you apologize, okay? and don’t make it rushed.” you were stern with your punishment, your puppy needed to learn not to mess with his master. so, bokuto’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, moans escaping him as he felt his orgasm approaching.

you took your hand off of him before he could orgasm, making him whine on so loudly. you smirked, your cock was against the bed, leaking with every noise your lover made. it was so hard it almost hurt, but you needed to show koutarou that you weren’t giving him the easy way out anymore. “y—you… bully…” he huffed, pressing his back against the headboard once more as he tried to calm down. but just in a few seconds you were stroking his cock again, making his eyes roll back and more pre-cum fall from his red-and-purple tip. he was most definitely losing his mind, and it was all your fault.

"just apologize bo... i wanna let my puppy cum, but he's been such a bad boy lately. can't give bad boys what they want now can we?" you cooed, your large hand moving up and down his large shaft. he was on the verge of tears, crying out in pleasure and jittering like a broken robot. he just needed to orgasm, his lower stomach hurt with the urge to orgasm, but it wasn't there just yet. " 'm sorry..." he mumbled, letting a small tear fall. "what koutarou?" you inquired, making him gulp down the building saliva in his throat.

" 'm s-so sorry m/n... please just— let m' cum— i can' take it n'more... i won't b-be so possessive n'more... please master!" he almost screamed, light sobs leaving his throat afterwards. you felt as though he had earned it, so you smirked, speeding up your hand and taking off the cockring. "cum kou kou, cum for your master yeah? be a good boy and cum for me," you were almost begging for it, but it didn't take long for spurts of white to escape his aching cock, making koutarou moan almost the loudest he ever had. he was seeing white in his vision, it was so euphoric to him. he needed more of that, he craved more.

you bit your lip, looking down at your big boy with a smile. "good boy... such a good boy yeah?" you praised him, and he just whimpered. he was slowly going dumb, but he wasn't dumb enough to stop thinking words. "m-more..." he whined, looking up at you wit those beautiful eyes of his. your heart almost cracked, but you had to stay strong. "more? is that what you want kou kou?" you inquired, him nodding. he wanted more, he needed more than what he was receiving. this wasn't enough, he wanted your cock inside him so bad. that's why he had been so clingy lately, because he wanted you to fuck him just like this.

"you gotta use your big boy words puppy," you cooed, making him writhe on the bed with embarrassment. but, he needed your cock so bad, so he decided to comply. "i-i... want your cock... please..." he mumbled, and you could obviously hear it but you just wanted to tease him. "hm? speak up puppy, i didn't quite hear you." you spurred on the behavior, making bokuto whine. "need your cock i-in me! please!" he squeaked, making you chuckle darkly. "that's a good boy."

you took your hand off his cock, anchoring his legs up and grabbing the warm lube. you put some on your fingers and pushed two inside, making koutarou shake his head but moans left his throat. "n-no! don' wan' fingers! wan' your cock!" he squealed, a soft sob leaving his throat as he cried out. "ah ah ah, be patient koutarou. or else you won't be getting my cock for the rest of the night," you threatened him, making him immediately shut up. "yeah? good boy bo." you cooed, pressing your fingers into his prostate.

the moan that left his throat went straight to your cock, making you have to gulp down a growl as you continued. "such a slutty little desperate whore you are... moaning over some fingers? god you're insufferable..." you degraded him, which made his cock twitch even more. "i-i'm g'na cum— let m-me cum—" he begged with all his might, but you pulled your fingers out before he could get that sweet release. he whined so loud, god it got you harder than ever.

"wh-why did you—" but before he could answer that question, you shoved yourself inside him, making his body shake as his muscles bulged. he tightened himself around you and that made you bite your lip, taking his hair and pulling on it, forcing him to arch his back. "ah! w-wh—" you didn't let him process it as you were already balls deep inside him, thrusting in and out of his ass making him scream out into the area.

"yes, good boy, take this cock," you encouraged him to keep going, keep taking you deep inside him since he needed it more than ever. he was close too, so when you hit a particular spot inside him he cried out in pleasure, staining the sheets with white. you chuckled and grabbed his sensitive organ, making the smaller beneath you whine and try to get away. only to shove himself deeper onto your cock, making him moan loudly and fall onto the bed.

you grabbed his hips and started to pound him, grinning when you saw how desperate he was truly becoming. he was just a pathetic little slut, a dumb puppy ready to take your cock any time of the day. you knew after that date where you two had sex he would be hooked, you fucked him so well and you had a cock like no other. he was addicted, he wouldn't be afraid to admit that, but he could also never get enough of you.

he whimpered and struggled, not too much though because you would smack his ass every time he did struggle. he loved the feeling of being stuffed full, with his large 6'4 self he really couldn't get that feeling on his own y'know. so, with you only being a few inches taller and with a bigger cock than his he was more than grateful to have you, and would never let go. he could feel another orgasm roll through his veins, making him clench around your cock. you could feel your balls tighten as your nonstop thrusts got even harder.

"you want this cum baby? want master's hot and thick seed deep inside your slutty pussy huh?" you grunted, going as fast as you could go. you were hitting his prostate spot on, and that was making bokuto lose his mind. he nodded his head, making 'mhm' noises really fucking loudly. you grabbed the back of his throat and pushed it down, making him choke. "speak up puppy." you growled, making his ass clench around you more. "y-yes master! wan' it s'bad!" he screamed, making you grit your teeth as you plowed his insides.

with a low groan you busted deep into his ass, making him cum around your cock. the sheets were yet again stained with white, but as he was about to get off your cock you grabbed his hips, shoving yourself deep inside him.

"oh you thought we were done?"

—————————

when he got to practice the next day, the day was filled with either the coach asking if he needed to sit today out or questions from his teammates about his condition. atsumu was the only one who was gasing on him about letting his boyfriend fuck his ass to the point of soreness in the morning, but at least he had a great ass time at practice. and you had a good day at work.

#male reader #haikyuu x male reader smut #haikyu smut #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #bottom character #bokuto smut #hq bokuto #bokuto kotaro #HAPPY BIRTHAY BO!!!!!#his birthday is 10 days after mine :D

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hannahlovesluca · 6 months

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FFI

| ver - ….

| HEAVILY inspired by: In Another Life - BokuAka

| song: Mr. Loverman

A tremendous amount of time had passed since Y/N stepped foot into that damned hospital.

It was but a gloomy location in their mind, a place they did not like, but a place they had to go to. Y/N’s loved ones had insisted that they complete an internship at a local hospital, with the intention of enhancing their resume for future use.

Frequently, though, Y/N would have differing opinions with their parents, displeased with the recommendations they had provided them. Nevertheless, in the end, they would encourage them to fulfill the assigned responsibility, and somehow, they would complete it.

They didn't make much effort to inquire about the location to register for something, casually asking people without much interest or concern. They had no intention to care at the moment or in the foreseeable future. Y/N felt dissatisfied with his current situation and the activity they were engaged in. They were wasting their time seeking something they had no desire for.

A frail assistant nurse indicated the direction by pointing down the gloomy hall, guiding Y/N to another desk where they could gather additional information about the topic. Appreciatively, they expressed gratitude to the rather small nurse and proceeded further.

Y/N shut their eyes and exhaled, unconsciously wavering in movement, reopening their eyes just in the right moment to deftly evade crashing into someone.

It was just a random person, nothing special.

They moved in a circular motion around the male, expressing their apology in a straightforward manner before proceeding. A voice behind them reassured, "Don't worry about it," but it gradually diminished as Y/N carried on ahead.

Y/N knew they didn’t want this, they knew that they were going to be miserable.

Y/N stood motionless, choosing not to move any further as their legs declined to carry them. Despite the continuous flow of people passing by them in the corridors, nobody paid any attention to them. They lingered there, exhibiting hesitation, disinterest, and apathy.

Emotionless, others would say.

A different individual approached with gradually decreasing speed until coming to a complete stop, capturing Y/N’s attention as they encroached in their personal bubble.

Y/N could perceive their hand extending towards them from their side vision.

"Ah, you are able to move," he grinned at Y/N, his vibrant purple gaze meeting their own. It was the very person Y/N had nearly collided with before... Maybe he had stayed in the hallway observing as Y/N transitioned from a quick stride to an abrupt halt. They comprehended how this could be disconcerting for certain individuals.

Y/N sincerely inquired if there was any issue with their presence in that particular location.

"No, I don't believe so," he lowered his hand by his side, questioning their sudden halt and expressing concern for their well-being.

“I’m alright. I was just pondering.”

“Of what?”

A bombarder. How exhilarating.

“After my experience at this hospital, I have come to the realization that I no longer wish to continue seeking medical assistance here.”

“Were you sick or something?”

Y/N gazed at the stranger, informing him that they were not ill, yet somehow, felt sick the longer they stayed. Despite their cold response, it did not appear to dampen the male’s cheerful demeanor.

"I have the same opinion about this location, to be honest," He took a momentary break. "So, I assume you’ll be leaving in the near future?"

"Yes," Y/N adjusted their position, inclining towards the direction they had arrived from.

They had no desire to remain in their current location. His sole purpose was to depart. They believed they would inform their parents that the hospital staff were too preoccupied with other matters to attend to them. Without even sparing a glance towards the male, they began their journey. "Farewell.”

“Wait!”

Y/N shifted, annoyed. “Yes?”

“Whats your name?”

Why was he interested in learning their name? When would he have any need for it in the future? Y/N considered the possibility that the stranger might be a patient at the hospital, and they definitely didn't want to make acquaintances with someone who was unwell, especially since they already had very few friends.

“I don’t see why that would be necessary.”

The man sitting opposite them successfully concealed the expression of offense that nearly appeared on his face. He responded, "I get it. Just so you know, my name is Luca."

Y/N glanced tiredly towards Luca, acknowledged him with a nod, and proceeded on their path until they exited the building.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

It had been two weeks since Y/N last went to the hospital, and to their disappointment, they found themself walking along the same directionless route towards the same dreaded medical facility. They couldn't bear their parents' constant demands, but they were at least somewhat relieved to be away from home.

Y/N walked into the establishment and exchanged greetings with the lady stationed at the reception, as was their habit. They promptly made their way up the stairs leading to the section of the hospital they had come close to reaching a long time ago. Within a few minutes, they could see the information desk ahead, and surprisingly, they decided to approach it this time.

Y/N engaged in conversation with a petite lady, and after a few minutes had gone by, Y/N retreated from the desk, clutching a few documents. They proceeded down the corridor, letting out a deep sigh, determined to return home quickly.

“Hey! It’s you!”

Oh God.

Y/N couldn’t forget that voice. They let out another sigh, this time feeling even more weighed down. They shifted their gaze in the opposite direction.

“Luca.”

“Emotionless one!” Luca grinned at his own joke.

“Do not call me that.”

"I remember you mentioning that you would never come back to this place." His tone conveyed an unusual sense of enthusiasm.

“That was never directly stated.”

“It was implied!”

“It was, in fact, implied.” Y/N stated, coldly.

Luca maintained a constant smile on his face, despite his weary eyelids contradicting his cheerful countenance.

Why do I consistently encounter peculiar individuals?

“So… why’re you here?” Luca asks, his cheerful façade never once faltering.

"Whats brought you here again?"

Y/N’s lips twisted to one side as they responded, "I could ask the same from you..."

Arching thick, blonde eyebrows above a tinge of purple, he confidently stated, “Actually, I am meant to be present at this location.”

Y/N let out a yawn. "Are you an intern?"

"No need to worry, patient." His smile was disconcerting.

The H/C-ette frowned quietly, acknowledging their own lack of sensitivity.

Luca let out a chuckle and reassured, "You're mistaken; there's nothing to be concerned about."

Despite wearing regular, informal attire, there was an undeniable sense of unwellness about him upon closer inspection. He appeared noticeably paler than the rest of the individuals navigating the hallways, and his eyes were adorned with tired, dark circles.

Y/N took it upon themselves to not stare.

"I know that you won't inquire, so I'll inform you instead. Based on the information I've been given, the doctors refer to my condition as... FFI?" Luca crossed his arms, projecting an aura of casualness. "Fatal Familial Insomnia, if my memory serves me right?"

Y/N felt a chilling sensation travel up their back. The illness mentioned was completely unfamiliar to them. It caused enough concern for them to express their thoughts.

“I’d rather not know any more.”

"I'm sorry, but even if you asked, I wouldn't be able to provide an answer." A chuckle followed. "All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to." What would normally be difficult for someone to admit, he said effortlessly, accompanied by that familiar smile.

Y/N couldn't resist the urge to almost return a smile, with their lips barely moving. They gazed towards Luca, directly at him this time. "Do you come here daily?"

"Absolutely! I have been coming here for around…. four weeks now." He blinked slowly.

"I understand," Y/N acknowledged with a single nod. A brief moment passed without any conversation, and the ensuing silence quickly turned uncomfortable. "Well, it's time for me to leave now."

Exclude him, keep him away. He is unwell.

"Wait, just a moment-."

Y/N’s teeth tightened. "I really need to leave, Luca." They began walking away.

Please, do not persist.

Luca humbly requested, "Please, lend me your ears." With his hands resting by his side, he respectfully bowed. "It will only take a moment."

Y/N, although straightforward, possessed compassion. They exhaled forcefully and pivoted around. "Whats the matter? I’m pressed for time."

Witnessing a glimmer of excitement in Luca’s eyes, Y/N straightened their posture and reached into their pocket. Retrieving a phone, much to Y/N’s dismay, Luca inquired about obtaining their phone number.

What should they do? What should they say? Y/N didn't see anything remarkable about Luca. Why did the frail one suddenly develop an affinity for them? Y/N wished to distance themself, discard the paperwork, and never return to that hospital. However, for some inexplicable and bothersome reason, Y/! struggled to refuse Luca. They made an effort to resist, they really did, but they simply couldn't.

"I... I'm not really a person who texts often," Y/N whispered. They glanced at Luca’s phone, unable to meet his gaze. "I'm usually occupied with work, so it might not be a wise decision to try and stay in touch with me."

He observed as Luca’s fingers wrapped around the phone, and his own hand gradually retreated.

"But," Y/N surprised themself with that single utterance. The sight of Luca’s hand, which had halted abruptly, remained in his vision. "Perhaps I can manage to spare some moments for conversation occasionally," they implied. Lifting their head, their gaze eventually intersected with Luca’s, where he observed a gleam in those distinctive purple eyes.

He quickly inputted his number and then passed the phone to Luca, with the name field left blank.

"Thank you," he exclaimed, brimming with enthusiasm, while he proceeded to input the name for his new contact. Y/N attentively observed Luca’s movements as he silently formed the words and typed them into the device.

"E-m-o-t-i-o-n-l-e-s-s—o-n-e." Luca was about to save the contact until Y/N interrupted.

"You don't need to include that," they exhaled wearily. "It's...Y/N."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

As the sun descended, painting the sky with a vibrant, fiery orange hue, Y/N found themself seated on their bed, laptop resting on their lap, fingers moving swiftly as they scrolled and typed.

“FFI.” Y/N muttered to themselves.

The page was successfully loaded. Y/N immediately immersed themself in the text.

"(FFI) is an exceptionally uncommon genetic prion disorder that affects the brain and is inherited in an autosomal dominant manner... FFI currently lacks a known remedy and manifests as an increasingly severe sleep disorder, resulting in hallucinations, delirium, and confusion similar to dementia..."

Y/N pressed their thin lips together until they formed an even thinner line. For a while, their fingers remained rigid as they repeatedly read the opening paragraph.

Y/N kept reading, contemplating the words in front of them. "So, there is no cure," they murmured. They continued reading out loud, "Every person afflicted with this illness inevitably succumbs to it within a year or less."

They gently touched his face. "Of course." Y/N placed their head on their hand, with their chin supported by their palm.

I’m curious if Luca is aware of all of this. Surely, he must have researched about it at some stage, correct? It was the logical thing to do, given that he was the one experiencing the mentioned illness.

They thought back to the bags under Luca’s purple eyes.

“All I can tell you is that I don't sleep as well as I used to.”

Y/N let out a rapid breath through their nostrils, emitting a noise resembling amusement. They educated themselves about the indications and blinked softly, placing a hand on their mouth. Y/N shut down their laptop and reclined on the bed. They gazed at the ceiling, contemplating.

“What did I get myself into?"

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

Originating from Luca, this message was sent on July 29th at 11:56 PM.

"Hi there! Hope this isn’t a bad time for you!"

Y/N raised their head from their pillow and extended a hand to grasp the vibrating phone. The intense light made them narrow their eyes while reading the message. Silently, they deliberated whether or not to reply. They blinked tiredly and glided their fingers along the edges of the phone, a display of exhaustion that they couldn't resist. Y/N observed as the screen turned off, prompting them to place the phone back on the nightstand, opting to disregard the message.

They struggled to fall asleep for approximately an hour after receiving the text, but eventually drifted off.

During the remaining hour they were awake, Y/N did not receive any further messages.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The following day, Y/N chose to remain at home. They spent most of the day in their room and stayed awake for at least two hours before finally picking up their phone.

They glanced at the message Luca had sent the previous night. Y/N's thumb hesitated over the keyboard, contemplating what to write.

From: Y/N (Sent at 4:43pm)

[Hi.]

Luca:

[Hiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!]

[You must’ve been asleep when I texted last night!]

Y/N was astonished. They had never experienced such a prompt reply before.

Y/N:

[Yeah, I was.]

Luca:

[How are you?]

Y/N:

[I'm okay... Just catching up on some track things...]

Luca:

[TRACK?! You like track too?! WE HAVE TO RUN TOGETHER SOON.]

Y/N winced slightly and narrowed their eyes at their phone screen. Luca was an extremely lively texter. It was challenging for Y/N to match his energy, and they believed this would be a lasting arrangement.

Y/N:

[Why not? Will they even let you out of the hospital?]

Luca reluctantly agrees, stating that he is still capable of moving around and reaching his destinations. The only issue he is facing is insomnia, preventing him from getting proper sleep.

Y/N frowned. The text messages from Luca were filled with ignorance, and Y/N could sense it. Did Luca truly believe that his hospital admission was solely due to difficulty sleeping? Y/N was well aware of the specific illness he had, so why was Luca so cheerful about it? Why didn't he grasp the seriousness of his own condition?

It seemed as if Luca was intentionally pretending to be foolish; it was highly likely.

Y/N:

[Then I guess I'll see you at the hospital around a week from now. I know a track we can go to...]

Luca:

[A WEEK?!]

Y/N:

[I can reschedule if that’s too far from now...]

Luca:

[It’s all good! I got time.]

I got time. Y/N heard the words repeat in their mind, as though they had been uttered out loud. Y/N looked at the display screen and furrowed their brow in slight confusion. Did Luca possess knowledge about the life expectancy of individuals with his ailment? Was he simply pretending to be foolish? Y/N wondered about the true nature of Luca’s character.

Y/N’s indifference transformed into curiosity, which ultimately led them to become closer to their new friend.

Y/N:

[Nice.]

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Y/N!"

Y/N hadn't seen Luca for another two weeks, but this time he stood outside the hospital, keeping a distance of several meters from the entrance.

Y/N glanced away from their mobile device and quickly put it inside their coat pocket as the enthusiastic hospital patient walked towards them. Without any delay, Luca stood before Y/N, filled with anticipation to reach the track.

"I haven't left the hospital for weeks." He observed his surroundings. The weather was unusually cold, occasionally accompanied by a gentle wind that made the autumn leaves rustle in the trees. With determination, he carefully observed every detail with his penetrating purple eyes.

Luca placed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, causing his shoulders to stoop. An exhale produced a cloud of smoke from his mouth. He appeared even paler than previously, and the dark circles beneath his eyes were more prominent. Luca seemed extremely fatigued, yet he remained enthusiastic about heading to the track.

Y/N didn't have an opportunity to say a word before Luca swiftly turned his head towards them, focusing all his attention on them.

Y/N indicated down the road, stating that the track was approximately ten minutes away.

In response, Luca enthusiastically started walking ahead, urging Y/N to keep up with him at a faster pace, regardless of their preference.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

The noise made by their athletic shoes on the crimson running path evoked vivid memories, prompting Y/N to pause and reflect on the past, almost as if this act could transport them back to the days when they used to run daily after school. After some time, Y/N reopened their eyes, let out a deep breath, and resumed running alongside Luca.

Y/N and Luca had an unspoken understanding between them. Their relationship was peculiar, to say the least. Y/N would respond to his inquiries with a detached and emotionless manner, yet Luca valued these responses and would enthusiastically respond. He appeared to be unfazed by any offense. Luca was unlike anyone Y/N had encountered before.

Luca's persistent and energetic nature set him apart from others, as he refused to let go of situations that most people would distance themselves from. This behavior was rather disconcerting, causing Y/N to slightly withdraw and display a frown.

Luca's voice overflowed with excitement as he exclaimed, "This brings back nostalgic memories." With unrelenting determination, he continued running at the same speed. Although his mind was eager to keep pushing forward, his physical endurance was lacking.

Luca's increased speed left Y/N impressed, but their admiration was short-lived when Luca abruptly halted.

Luca gazed into the distance from the racetrack, his face reflecting his state of confusion. After a brief pause, he uttered softly.

"Do you think... They don't actually exist, do they?" He uttered the words with hesitation.

Y/N looked over towards the spot where Luca was focused but saw nobody else present. It was just the two of them on the track. Y/N was feeling a slight discomfort.

"They do not actually exist." They had to push themselves to utter the simple five-word phrase.

Luca silently gestured acceptance with an "Okay," before taking a few steps backwards. "Is it possible for us to continue running?"

"Certainly," Y/N affirmed with a single nod, and that was sufficient reassurance for Luca as they both resumed their sprint.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

During their journey back from the track, Y/N consented to Luca staying overnight at their place.

Unknowingly, Y/N mentioned that their parents were away, which triggered Luca to desperately plead for an extended stay until Y/N gave in. Typically, Y/N would become annoyed by Luca's incessant nagging, but the sight of Luca's beaming smile whenever they agreed to something made all of Y/N's frustration vanish from their mind.

Within minutes, they swiftly arrived at Y/N's house, moving at a quicker pace than usual. Despite the additional jacket provided by Y/N, Luca, the frail individual, trembled like a helpless creature. Once indoors, Luca breathed out, acknowledging the warmth, and promptly removed his shoes, causing a slight shiver.

Y/N proceeded ahead, indicating the direction of their room.

Luca walked quickly behind, once again taking note of his surroundings, as he had found someone else's interior quite intriguing. The arrangement of objects, orderly and precisely positioned, imparted a cozy ambiance to Y/N's house. It brought back memories of his own home.

Luca almost collided with Y/N as they paused to enter their assigned room.

"Feel free to choose any spot." They settled onto the bed and crossed one leg over the other, reaching for their laptop to power it on.

"Is the bed okay?" Luca removed Y/N's jacket.

"I said any spot would do."

After those words, Luca immediately sat down on the mattress and accidentally hit his head against Y/N's shoulder, causing them to recoil and make a sound of discomfort. Y/N moved slightly to create more space for the visitor, but Luca was still in close proximity, close enough for their arms to make contact. Y/N let out a tired sigh as they asked Luca if he wanted to watch a movie.

Luca hunched over and inserted his hands into the pocket of his hood. "Sure, anything will do." He focused his intense purple gaze on the screen.

"Alright." Y/N accessed the first film stored in their computer's memory. They moved the laptop aside and began playing it.

"What's it called?" Luca looked at them with confusion evident in his expression.

“The Lake House.”

“How long is it?”

“An hour and a half.”

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N was brought back to reality by the sound of rain hitting hard against the window. They quickly glanced around, feeling tired but quickly calming down once they regained their memory. They had dozed off for a short moment, with their arms crossed and their head resting on a thick bunch of pillows. After exerting much effort, they sat up to observe Luca.

The movie had been going on for more than an hour and was coming to an end. Luca was lying on his side, curled up and tightly holding onto the blanket, using the last remnants of his strength. His eyes were halfway closed and fixed on the screen, his face showing no emotions. It almost seemed as if he was asleep.

"Luca?" Y/N asked in a drowsy voice.

Y/N's gaze met Luca's as his purple eyes slowly moved to the side. He turned his head weakly, shifting his body along with it.

"I apologize. I've seen this movie so many times that I actually dozed off." Y/N ran a hand down their face in exhaustion.

No need to apologize," Luca replied with a smile. "It's your place. Sleep if you want to."

"But not if I have a visitor."

"It's alright. I'm not just any visitor, we're friends," Luca reassured, his head tilting to the side as he focused back on the movie. "You were asleep for about an hour."

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling envious. They massaged the back of their neck.

"I wish I could sleep like you."

A sense of guilt rose within Y/N's chest. They realized how impolite it was to easily fall asleep in front of someone who struggled with it.

"I apologize for being insensitive," they thought, furrowing their brow.

"Don't worry about it," Luca said, shifting as he laid down and playfully kicking Y/N with his leg. "The movie kept me company. It's really good, although a bit confusing. I'll have to watch it again."

It was peculiar. Luca was an odd individual. He appeared unaffected by many things, and was straightforward about others, uttering sentences without much contemplation. Y/N doubted they would invite Luca over again, so hearing him say 'I'll have to watch it again,' didn't sit well with them.

Y/N pursed their lips and decided to change the subject. "Are you feeling tired?"

"Exhausted," Luca honestly replied.

"For now, close your eyes." With considerable effort, Y/N swung their legs out of bed and stood up. "I'll fetch us some water." They hurriedly left the room, leaving Luca alone.

After a few seconds, they returned to find Luca in a completely different position in bed. He was lying on his back, resting his head on Y/N's pillows. His hands were placed on his stomach, with a light pink blanket partially covering him but slipping off enough to expose his torso. His head was slumped to the side, facing away from Y/N and resting against the bed.

Y/N would have thought that Luca was already fast asleep if they didn't know any better. They approached the bedside quietly, and the room was dimly lit by the soft orange glow of the lamp.

They placed the drinks on the bedside table and cautiously climbed into bed, trying not to disturb the other. Y/N lay on their back and stared at the ceiling.

They remained silent for what felt like an eternity before Y/N finally broke the silence and spoke up.

"How does it feel to be unable to sleep?"

Luca's response was delayed.

"It feels terrible."

He turned his head towards Y/N and continued, "During the day, I struggle to keep my eyes open, and at night, I can't seem to close them." He chuckled slightly.

Y/N then asked, "Does it make you frustrated?" Luca replied, "In the beginning, yes, when I didn't understand why. But now, I've come to terms with it."

He reached up to run his fingers through his messy hair and added, "Although I do miss sleeping and dreaming."

Y/N observed Luca closely, paying attention to each word he spoke. Luca continued, "I used to have vivid dreams, especially before important track competitions."

He laughed again, this time louder, and said, "I would dream about stumbling, and then I'd wake up angry, continuously convincing myself that I was the best."

Y/N's E/C eyes sought an honest response from Luca as they asked, "Do you still believe that you are the best?"

He responded with a smile, letting out a sigh. Luca then closed his eyes, placing one hand on his temple, clearly displaying his fatigue and weariness through his movements.

Y/N fell quiet and intertwined their fingers on their abdomen, allowing their head to rest on the pillow. From that point on, neither of them uttered a word, concluding the discussion.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N had been lying awake in bed for two hours since they last spoke to each other. Unbeknownst to Luca, they observed him quietly with slightly closed eyes, using their lashes as a cover to conceal their wakefulness. Although tired, Y/N still couldn't sleep due to their genuine fascination with Luca.

Luca would remain motionless for a considerable amount of time, tilting his head to the side and placing one hand on his stomach while the other rested at his side. Y/N would perceive this as a state of rest and would almost believe it until Luca abruptly jolted awake, interrupting his futile attempt at relaxation.

In the beginning, Y/N didn't pay much attention to it. Luca would flinch and quickly return to reality, as if waking up from a nightmare. However, Y/N knew that this was not possible due to Luca's condition. It made Y/N feel sorry for him.

Three times, Luca abruptly woke up, and each time, he covered his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. Y/N chose not to react to those moments, hoping to spare their visitor from the embarrassment of witnessing it. They planned to close their eyes and go back to sleep afterwards. However, after feeling the mattress shake for the fourth time, they opened their eyes.

Y/N propped themselves up on their elbows and whispered, "Luca."

Startled, Luca quickly turned towards them. His face showed a mix of shock and exhaustion. "Y/N? I'm–"

"Don't." Y/N's voice was barely audible as they moved closer to Luca and then laid back down on their back, with pillows supporting their slightly elevated head. "Don't apologize."

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, Luca looked away and rubbed his arms.

"Please come," Y/N gestured to their visitor.

Luca redirected his attention towards Y/N, meeting their gaze with a puzzled expression, unsure of the intended meaning behind their words.

"I asked you to come," they motioned for Luca to approach. "Come here." Y/N extended their arm, as if preparing for an embrace.

Luca hesitantly complied, moving closer to Y/N and resting against them, finding a comfortable position within the curve of their arm. Despite being larger in size, he fit perfectly.

Luca's head rested on Y/N's shoulder while Y/N cautiously wrapped their arm around his broad shoulders.

No words were exchanged between them.

Minutes passed, and gradually, Y/N felt Luca relax against them, exhaustion finally taking over. His head drooped onto their shoulder, and his hands rested on their stomach. He was making an effort, striving to get some rest that would help him through the following day, and Y/N wanted to assist.

As much as they resisted the idea, Y/N had a strong desire to provide support.

Why?

Y/N observed one of Luca's hands twitch involuntarily, causing him distress. They reached out slowly, enclosing his trembling hand with their own, their four fingers fitting perfectly into Luca's palm. Within seconds, his hand became steady again.

Y/N took a quiet breath. Their gaze was fixed on Luca, observing the gentle rise and fall of his chest accompanying each life-sustaining inhalation. His breathing was measured, resembling that of a peacefully slumbering individual. Pressing their lips together, Y/N leaned back against the pillows. They tilted their head sideways, facing Luca's direction. Inhaling, they detected a faint scent reminiscent of the medical facility he is stationed at.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N arrived at the hospital once again that week, with their hands tucked into their jacket pockets and their nose buried in a dark blue knit scarf to shield them from the cold weather.

This had become a daily routine for Y/N ever since Luca had visited their home two months ago. Even if Y/N didn't physically go to the hospital, they would still spend their days messaging Luca.

They walked into the hospital, exhaling through their nose, and greeted the woman at the front desk before taking off their scarf. Knowing exactly where to go, Y/N climbed the familiar steps, exchanged hellos with familiar faces, and turned the familiar corner that led to Luca's room.

However, this time they noticed another person sitting outside the room. Y/N observed the small male for a moment, realizing that he was engrossed in a handheld device and unlikely to notice them.

Instead of proceeding directly to Luca's room as they would normally do, Y/N hesitated upon hearing two voices emanating from inside. While one belonged to Luca, they couldn't identify the second voice.

Y/N paused and decided it would be impolite to interrupt Luca's conversation. Therefore, they approached the seating area and sat one chair away from the stranger.

Y/N gently tapped their fingers against their trousers in a calm manner.

“Here for Luca?” Y/N asks softly.

“Indeed,” replied the other person softly, with a cheerful expression, mentioning that his friend also intended to see him. "Are you both friends of Luca's?"

"Yes. Long-time friends." He powered down his mobile device, grinning at Y/N.

Y/N reclined in their chair, acknowledging the situation with a nod. They suppressed their curiosity, choosing to withhold the majority of their inquiries.

"Can I ask your name?" Y/N attempted to find out.

He adjusted his glasses and observed Y/N while his hair, a mix of dark gray and blue, framed his face.

"Ike Eveland."

"Y/N L/N." They sensed a pleasant atmosphere around Ike, as his manner of speaking exuded serenity.

Y/N sighed with a sense of relief, happy to have met someone new. However, their attempt to relax in the seat was interrupted by an unexpected voice that startled them shortly after Ike finished speaking.

"Yo, Ike. Who are you talking to?" A tall man emerged from Luca's room, sporting hair in shades of purple, pink, and yellow. His facial expression exuded sincerity, and his eyes darted between Ike, Y/N, and back to Ike.

"This is Y/N. I just met them," he replied candidly and cheerfully.

"Y/N?" Luca's voice echoed from the room this time. Y/N didn't need to see his face to sense his excitement. "They're here? Are they really here?"

"I am..." Y/N began to rise from their seat to enter the room, but Luca stood at the door within seconds, his eyes widened in surprise. He appeared thinner than before, wearing a loosely fitted hoodie. Over the past two months, he had likely shed more than twenty pounds.

Y/N expressed concern. "Please go back to bed."

Luca didn't let them finish their sentence before enveloping Y/N in a sudden embrace. "I didn't think you'd make it today." Despite his weight loss, his arms still possessed strength as he squeezed Y/N tightly, almost suffocating them.

Y/N frowned. "I told you I would..." they whispered against Luca's shoulder.

"What's this?" The taller man with purple hair gestured toward Y/N. "I come to visit and I'm hardly acknowledged, but when they're around, they get all the attention?"

Luca moved back to confront his smiling companion. "Oh, be quiet!" He subsequently directed his focus towards Y/N. "Meet Shu, someone I consider a best friend."

He tilted his head to one side. "Pleased to meet you, Y/N." He chuckled.

Y/N gave a single nod in acknowledgement of Shu's words, yet they were unsure of how to reply. Their only response was, "I appreciate your kind words," as they attempted to guide Luca back to his room.

"Woah! Wait!" Luca objected, remaining steadfast where he stood. "We were actually discussing the idea of going outside."

"Actually, I mentioned it as a mere suggestion, but he became extremely enthusiastic," Shu admitted while nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Consequently, we had planned to leave the room briefly, maybe for a couple of minutes."

"I have been confined in here forever! It’s been days since I last stepped outside," Luca's voice conveyed unease. Y/N had noticed that Luca had a dislike for being confined indoors during the short period they had known him. It might be beneficial to take him outside for a while and see if it improves his mood.

Y/N gazed down the corridor and suggested heading towards the garden located at the rear.

After a single statement, an implicit consensus was reached by all individuals. Shu initiated his movement down the hallway, with Luca following closely behind. Y/N proceeded after, aware of Ike's proximity. While walking, Y/N fixated on the rear views of the two men ahead. Both appeared to possess similar stature, yet it dawned on Y/N that Luca appeared slightly more diminutive.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N and Ike occupied a bench together for quite some time, while Luca and Shu engaged in their enthusiastic conversation, gesticulating with animated gestures. Y/N couldn't help but find it peculiar that Luca, who was actually unwell among them, was the one moving around. Perplexed, Y/N furrowed their brow and let out a deep sigh, their gaze fixed downwards. They focused their intense gaze on their knees until Ike broke the silence.

"You don’t like this either, do you?"

Y/N raised their head and glanced towards their side. They observed the individual with gray and blue hair intently for a considerable amount of time. Ike prevented them from having an opportunity to reply.

"I also dislike witnessing his distressed state. That is the reason why I didn’t want to come. But, Shu's persistence compelled me into coming.”Ike's genuine concern indicated that he sincerely meant every word he uttered.

"When did you and Luca become friends?" Y/N raised their head with a subtle curiosity.

"Two years in December," he replied with a lack of enthusiasm. "I had the chance to become acquainted with him thanks to the presence of Shu, Vox, and Mysta. But, when Mysta left, it destroyed Luca."

Luca's laughter, which seemed to be coming from nowhere, echoed across the garden in order to disprove Ike's claim.

Y/N's lips almost curved into a smile as they asked, "So, if I can inquire, how are you processing everything that has happened?”

"I'm..." Ike pondered for a moment, his lips pursing. "I'm handling it okay, or at least I believe I am. I'm attempting to distance myself. It's another reason why I avoided seeing Luca." He glanced downward, allowing his hair to cascade over his face. "There's something about Luca that doesn't feel right to me.”

Y/N appeared perplexed and mildly surprised as a facial expression formed on their face. "Is there a problem with him? Did he do something?"

"To the best of my understanding, he has not. However, even if he did, that is not the point I was trying to make," Ike said, using his sleeve to rub his nose. "Whether you have never encountered Luca before or have not seen him in a span of ten days, ten weeks, ten months, or ten years, any interaction with him, no matter how small, will serve as a reminder of his genuine goodness as a person."

Y/N gazed at Ike, unable to utter a word.

"He possesses authenticity, kindness, and an inherent innocence akin to that of a child; however, these are the very qualities that render him... endearing, in my opinion. He has the ability to captivate your attention. In addition, he demonstrates admiration for others while simultaneously proclaiming his own superiority in all endeavors.”

Y/N shifted their gaze gradually, observing Luca and Shu as they emerged once again in the far-off vicinity. They seemed engrossed in the ongoing dialogue they were engaged in, remaining absorbed.

"Shu appears content at the moment. However, in the past, he was not." Ike softly uttered these words. Y/N glanced at him, but he gazed into the distance, his eyes fixed on nothing specific. Y/N blinked and refocused their attention on Shu and Luca.

“Five weeks ago, he was in ruins. He had no desire to communicate with anyone other than me and Vox. I was the only one who offered my companionship to him." While speaking, he maintained his fixed gaze. "That was when he discovered the illness. However, the past month has been no different for him. He was hesitant to attend today's gathering as well. It's never easy to hear that someone you care about is unwell, especially when the disease is incurable. And as for Vox? He adamantly refused to join us. Luca meant a lot to him, like a younger sibling."

Luca and Shu engaged in an enthusiastic conversation, positioned away from anyone who could hear them.

“Luca's appearance is gradually changing, becoming less similar to his previous self.” Ike pauses.

“Previously, he had a bigger physique and was larger than Shu, but now he is the smaller one. Shu has taken on the role of being bigger and heavier than Luca.” Ike keeps his head down.

Y/N pressed their lips tightly, gazing downwards and observing Ike's intertwined fingers. He fidgeted with them anxiously, revealing what his expression refrained from displaying.

Y/N presumed that Luca had already initiated the process of luring Ike back into his schemes. Although it was a regrettable action, Y/N understood that Luca didn't have any deliberate intentions. By simply engaging in a conversation with Luca, anyone would instantly become a part of his lively mischief once more.

Y/N was aware of this. A similar incident occurred to them approximately two and a half months ago. Had they anticipated that sending simple text messages would result in frequent trips to the hospital, they would never have given out their phone number.

This was not their intention or desire. Y/N hoped for friends who were in good health and with whom they could have regular conversations, rather than having to devote personal and emotional time to a single sick friend. Y/N felt a lump in their throat and nervously intertwined their hands, gently rubbing one thumb against the other. They struggled to divert their gaze from Luca, finding it challenging to do so. With a heavy heart, they uttered their words.

"I regret having ever crossed paths with him."

At that very moment, a refreshing gust of wind swept through the garden while Luca tightly grasped onto his neck, securing the warmth with a dark blue knitted scarf.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

With time passing, Shu and Ike realized that they needed to return home. Shu temporarily said goodbye to Luca, while Ike descended the stairs to leave the building.

After approximately four minutes, Shu eventually exited the room, unintentionally disregarding the initial plan of leaving. He bid farewell and quickly departed, fully aware that if he didn't increase his pace, he would need to invest additional time in catching up with Ike, who tended to wander aimlessly.

Y/N stood next to Luca's bed, casting a quick glance towards the open doorway that led to the hallway.

"Shu shares many similarities with you."

Luca objected, sitting straight in bed, stating that he is actually quite relaxed in contrast to himself. He laughed and tiredly massaged his face.

Luca's laughter caught Y/N's attention, leading them to glance back at him. Y/N was completely taken aback by this unexpected response, but they acted nonchalant and could only muster a simple acknowledgment of "I understand."

Luca looked at Y/N with a sense of awe, questioning why they were still standing. He enthusiastically encouraged them to sit down by gently tapping the vacant spot next to him.

"No, it's fine. I was actually contemplating leaving soon, too-"

"What? How come?" His voice displayed evident disappointment. "You've barely been here for about thirty minutes."

Y/N furrowed their brow. "It’ss been more than three hours."

"That's identical!" Luca approached Y/N, who was standing nearby, while remaining seated in bed. "I barely talked to you, so it shouldn't count!"

Y/N subtly moved backward, asking "What shouldn’t?"

"The three hours!" He expressed his growing frustration. "I struggle with accurately estimating time as well, in case you haven't noticed. Occasionally, three hours seems to stretch into seven hours. However, there are also instances when three hours feel as short as seven minutes. Although I may not be as mentally agile as before, the timeless adage 'Time flies when you're having fun' still holds true for me even now."

"So... Three hours is not a significant amount of time," Y/N whispered.

"That's right!" Luca's eyes once again sparkled with excitement.

Y/N refrained from making eye contact with Luca. "I understand, but I have to leave." They intentionally avoided glancing towards Luca. "If it were solely my decision, I would stay. But, there is something important I need to handle, but I promise to come see you tomorrow."

Luca remained silent, maintaining a tight-lipped expression as he reclined onto his bed. It was clear that he had numerous thoughts racing through his mind, yet he chose to suppress them and shifted his position, turning away from Y/N.

They were astonished. Y/N had no previous knowledge of Luca's ability to quickly become sulky. They glanced around with a frown, realizing it would be wiser to depart.

"I will...talk to you tomorrow."

"Would you like your scarf back?" The unexpected inquiry was posed by Luca, who clung firmly to the scarf, despite having posed the question himself.

Y/N observed him while pulling their jacket closed. "Yes... I do."

Luca woke up in despair and sat upright in his bed, gradually stretching his arm towards his neck in order to remove the cozy fabric wrapped around it. He proceeded with caution, as the mere idea of taking it off seemed to exacerbate his suffering more swiftly than the illness's progression.

"…But, you can hold onto it for now."

Luca was taken aback by the words, causing him to stop and gaze at Y/N. His hands reacted by becoming tense, then relaxed, and eventually settled on his neck. "Really?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes," Y/N responded with a barely noticeable smile. "Luca, please hold onto it."

They felt like they couldn't stay any longer in the room, so they turned their back and departed, convinced that another second would have made it impossible for them to leave.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N awoke abruptly that very evening, as their choked cries jolted them out of slumber. They jerked in alarm, swiftly sitting upright, clasping their hand tightly against their mouth to stifle the nearly hysterical noises emerging from within. Their breathing was labored, their pulse racing faster than normal; Y/N could sense their heart thumping in their throat, making swallowing arduous.

It was the fifth instance that month when Y/N had to forcibly wake up from yet another nightmare. The nightmares were so distressing that they caused intense nausea, compelling Y/N to sit up in bed and take deep, slow breaths to regain composure. It was their routine to cool down this way, as they raised their hands to rub their eyes before anxiously surveying their surroundings in the bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N shifted their gaze towards the desk located next to their bed, where their phone rested. With a brief moment of hesitation, they extended their hand and retrieved the device. As the screen illuminated, a text message from Luca awaited their attention.

‘Have a good night's sleep, Y/N.' The message was sent precisely two hours earlier.

Y/N tremblingly swiped their phone screen and unlocked it.

From: Y/N

[You there?]

Luca:

[Yeah! I thought you were asleep?]

Y/N:

[Nightmare.]

Luca:

[Nightmare? How bad?]

Y/N

[Enough to wake me up.]

Luca:

[Are you okay? We can talk longer if you need!!]

Y/N:

[No, it’s fine.]

They pressed send and waited for the small arcs to appear on the lower left side of the screen. Rather, they were greeted with secrecy. They didn't get a response, and neither did they see any indications of one.

Y/N frowned and left their phone screen to darken and discolour. They clutched it in their trembling hands and closed their eyes, hoping to fall asleep again. It was difficult, however, because every time they tried to sleep, the unsettling fear of having the same dream jolted them awake. Y/N sighed softly and covered their face.

The phone vibrated against Y/N's brow. They winced and drew their palm away from the phone to look at it.

Luca:

[Look out your window!]

"What?" Y/N swung their legs off the bed and walked over to the window. "This can't be true," they exclaimed as they opened the blinds and peered downwards.

Luca stood outside at night, wearing a dark blue knitted scarf around his neck, along with a jacket, sweatpants, and slippers. He glanced upwards, smiled, and enthusiastically waved towards Y/N.

Y/N's eyes grew larger with surprise. They quickly retreated from the windowsill and hurried downstairs to the front door. They swung it open and found Luca approaching with a cheerful expression and a trembling gait.

"Can I enter?"

"No! No, we are-"

"Why not?"

"We're immediately returning to the hospital. I'm taking you back," Y/N declared as they extended their arms and urged Luca to move away.

Luca adamantly refused, exclaiming, "Absolutely not!" He forcefully pushed Y/N backward as a way of emphasizing his point. He further explained, "I just left from there.”

Y/N acknowledged that their words sounded somewhat resentful, but they had no alternative except to reveal the truth to Luca by stating, "Your health is deteriorating, and you require proper medical care."

Luca pushed Y/N’s hands away and expressed his inability to sleep, questioning why it was such a significant matter.

"It's not just that!" They applied greater pressure to their arms, causing Luca to retreat. "You've already experienced two panic attacks this week, and your hallucinations are progressively worsening. Right now, my house is not a suitable place for you to be."

Luca responded naively, expressing that he experiences panic attacks in your absence and tries to reassure by mentioning that his hallucinations are not overly distressing.

Y/N's jaw tightened as they concealed their annoyance with a calm expression. "Quit pretending that this isn't a significant matter... You might not perceive it that way, but I..." They halted briefly and extended their arms for another push. "Let's just leave."

"I have no desire to," Luca tightly clasped Y/N's hands within his own.

"Luca, quit."

"I have no desire to return!"

"How were you able to leave without being noticed?"

"They ignore me, I can easily slip away without them noticing."

Y/N forcefully pulled back their hands and gazed at Luca. Despite feeling enraged, Y/N understood that Luca wouldn't leave unless they allowed him inside their house. Y/N swallowed nervously.

"Fine, then. Come in." Y/N moved to the side.

Luca's eyes sparkled with recognition as he eagerly entered Y/N's house. Taking off his slippers, he stood by the entrance, waiting for his companion to follow. Y/N entered and closed the door behind them both.

"You picked the ideal evening," Y/N expressed with bitterness while they struggled to ascend the staircase. "My parents are not present."

Luca exclaimed, "I wouldn't have been that loud," as he hurriedly followed them.

Y/N breathed out exasperatedly, expressing her commitment to return Luca to the hospital no later than seven o'clock in the morning.

"Okay! Just picture their expressions when they see me coming from outside. Imagine the astonishment on their faces when they realize I'm not even inside my room." Luca expressed immense joy.

Y/N went into their room and closed the door after Luca, stating their intention to immediately go to bed.

"But I thought you had that bad dream?” Luca positioned himself beside Y/N's bed.

"I did..." They stopped briefly. "...Is that the reason you’re here? The dream?"

“You said you were fine… it was obvious you weren’t.”

Y/N couldn't find the right words to express themselves. They met Luca's eyes and then immediately glanced downwards. Their shirt was gently pulled by a weak hand. "Okay," they said, extending their hand to switch on the lamp placed on their bedside table.

“What was it? I mean, the dream.”

Y/N settled on the bed and draped a sheet over their body. They handed the pale pink one to Luca, recalling his previous affection for it when he last visited. Luca took it and draped it around his own form. Afterwards, he gazed at Y/N, anticipating their reaponse.

They let out a sigh of distress. "I felt like I was suffocating." As they fiddled with the tiny lint balls clinging to their bedsheet, they continued, "It was a suffocating sensation, like being consumed by a thick, dark substance resembling tar. I struggled desperately to break free, but I felt completely powerless. I had become so feeble that breathing had become a challenging task. Only my face was visible above the suffocating substance." Y/N tilted their head back, using their finger to tap on their chin as they illustrated the situation.

“I faced difficulties and encountered a great struggle. However, eventually, I became immobilized. Despite my efforts to shout, I couldn't produce any sound, as there was no one around to hear me.” Y/N shrugged, indicating indifference. “The liquid started to enter my mouth and nose, and it was only when I started suffocating that I managed to wake myself up."

Y/N remained silent and wrapped themselves in the sheets encompassing them. They shifted their gaze towards the window, observing the moon cautiously.

Luca adjusted his position in the chair and moved closer to Y/N, holding onto the blanket that had been provided to him.

Y/N stayed in position, expecting Luca to honor his need for personal space by sitting a distance away. However, much to Y/N's surprise, Luca rested his head on Y/N's shoulder and put one arm around them.

Y/N felt uneasy as they wriggled uncomfortably. They questioned, "What is your intention?"

"To comfort you?" Luca responded, raising his head. "Isn’t that what humans do when another is sad?"

Y/N observed him closely. "Don’t speak as if you aren’t one yourself..."

Luca chuckled softly and rested his head on Y/N's shoulder. There was a brief silence between them, and the room became filled with the muffled noises from outside.

"Hey,"

"What?"

“Can we watch The Lake House?”

"No," responded Y/N, shaking their head.

Luca expressed his dissatisfaction by grumbling silently.

“Why not?”

"I’ve seen it like ten times."

"If you’ve already seen it ten times, why not watch it for the eleventh?"

“I would like to get some sleep since it's already three in the morning. If we watch the entire movie, it will be five o'clock. After that, I will have to accompany you to the hospital before the doctors realize you're not there and become extremely worried.”

Luca couldn't help but chuckle, causing a smile to curve his lips. He pondered, "Could it be that they’ve already discovered the truth?"

"If that were to happen, it would be a burden."

Luca chuckles, “They’d probably turn my room upside down trying to find me.”

“I wouldn’t want to be the one cleaning that.”

Luca turned his head to face Y/N and noted, "You’re so direct. Why?”

"I... I'm unsure," Y/N took a deep breath. "It's just my personality. Occasionally, I perceive myself as humorous, yet others never find my jokes amusing."

Luca emitted a snorting sound in response, questioning, "Have you ever attempted to tell a joke?"

Y/N appeared puzzled. “Yes… When I said I wouldn’t want to clean up that mess…”

Luca burst into laughter, tilting his head back. "Is that what you consider a joke?"

"You're making too much noise, please lower your volume," Y/N gently nudged their guest. However, this action only caused Luca to burst into even greater laughter. Y/N's expression turned irritated as they pressed their lips together, but their frustration quickly dissipated as they couldn't help but chuckle along with Luca.

Y/N attempted to conceal their smile as they remarked, "Well, you're currently finding amusement... Therefore, I suppose I possess a decent ability to evoke laughter."

Luca observed them briefly. "Yes, but unfortunately, it was for all the incorrect motives." His laughter diminished, just as Y/N's did. "You know... I don’t think I have ever seen you laughing or smiling, to be honest."

Y/N raised one shoulder, indifferently, before taking hold of their phone. "Now you have," they remarked.

Luca glanced at the mobile device's display. He inquired, "Whats that for?"

Y/N set their phone down and gradually leaned back, placing the back of their head against their pillow, while Luca accompanied them by keeping his arm around.

The situation is peculiar. They gazed at the ceiling and let out a breath. What is the reason for allowing him to behave this way?

Y/N's head tilted sideways, facing Luca.

"I hope you don't have any objections to me sleeping," they murmured quietly.

"No, you’re fine."

"I only hope it's not impolite-"

"It's not," Luca voluntarily tightened his grip around Y/N, pulling them closer to his side.

"Alright," they said while shutting their eyes. "Have a good night." Y/N brought their arms closer, enveloping themselves with the bed sheets.

Afterwards, there was a profound silence that engulfed them. Y/N had closed their eyes and attempted to plunge into a profound slumber, but discovered that doing so was not as swift as they had anticipated. They maintained a regulated and steady breathing pattern, giving the illusion of being fast asleep while actually veering between the realm of wakefulness and the realm of dreams.

Silence enveloped the room, and subsequently, a sound broke the stillness. It was a delicate, soft sound, reminiscent of someone cautiously adjusting their arm so as not to disturb another's slumber.

Y/N stayed in a fake sleeping pose, believing that it required more energy to open their eyes and look around than to remain inactive. Therefore, they persisted in striving for sleep, with no expectations regarding the surrounding noise.

They were extremely surprised when they experienced a gentle feeling on their forehead. When they sensed the unfamiliar touch, they had to use all their strength to avoid reacting with a startle.

They were fingers, tentative and uncertain, lightly skimming over Y/N's forehead to sweep aside a stray strand of hair.

With eyes shut, Y/N absorbed the sensation at hand. The reluctance emanated strongly in every gesture executed by Luca's hand.

Luca was filled with fear at the thought of waking up Y/N, to the extent that his hands would shake slightly every time he gently brushed away Y/N's hair from their face.

Y/N's heart rate started increasing gradually and slowly. Their hands twitched momentarily, prompting them to move closer and lean into Luca's touch. Unfortunately, this had an unintended consequence as Luca quickly pulled their hand away. Y/N then relaxed, maintaining the pretense of being asleep.

After noticing Y/N's movement, Luca remained completely still. He was determined not to disturb them and so they both remained silent for several minutes. Y/N assumed that Luca would remain quiet for the remainder of the night, so they redirected their attention to falling asleep. They maintained their position and began feeling themselves drift into slumber...

"I’m sorry." The utterance was barely audible, and it was spoken unexpectedly. It seemed as though Luca was speaking to himself.

Y/N remained motionless and quiet.

"... It was never my intention to involve you in my problems, my life..."

Luca took in as much air as possible. Y/N sensed their chest lifting. It was almost as if they could perceive the frown in his tone of speech.

"I’m aware that I can be difficult to handle. I know that I am a hopeless case. I understand that you are aware of this as well... Nevertheless, you continue to support me."

After a brief pause, he resumed speaking. His voice quivered softly.

"So... I-" Luca pauses, “thank you.”

Luca remained silent following that statement, gently placing his cheek on top of Y/N's head to avoid disturbing their sleep.

However, Y/N was unable to sleep. The words spoken by Luca continued to haunt them, replaying incessantly in their thoughts.

They took a swallow, trying to alleviate the lump that had formed in their throat.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Following that evening, circumstances continuously worsened.

Y/N quickly looked out of the window and immediately got dressed, grabbed their bag, and slung it over their shoulder. They hurried downstairs, put on their shoes, and swiftly left the house, following their usual route to the hospital. The sky above was filled with thick and rapidly gathering clouds, creating a gloomy atmosphere along Y/N's path. To protect themselves from the strong winds, they zipped up their jacket and continued moving forward. Y/N was aware that a storm was approaching and that Luca would require their presence.

Luca had not returned to Y/N's home for one month and sixteen days when he was taken back to the hospital. The medical staff, aware of his tendency to sneak out, kept a close watch on him. His condition had deteriorated unexpectedly. Previously, he would typically lose several pounds per week, but after sneaking out, his weight loss became alarming. Within a little over a month, Luca's weight dropped from 150 pounds to a mere 97 pounds, based on their last measurement. Apart from the distressing weight loss, his deteriorating condition made it increasingly challenging for him to walk, move, and communicate.

Y/N expressed a deep sense of concern upon entering the hospital. They moved quickly and continuously along the familiar route, until a familiar face caught their attention.

Y/N came to a halt in front of Luca's room and asked, “Shu?”

The man with vibrant, multi-colored hair lifted his gaze from his hands and forced a smile. "Hi there - Y/N, correct? It's been a while."

"Yes, I'm-," They shifted their gaze, "Is there somebody inside?" Without waiting for Shu's reply, he peered into Luca's room. As expected, he spotted Ike occupying the chair beside Luca's hospital bed. Ike had his back towards the door, while Luca appeared completely engrossed in their conversation.

"Would Ike be okay with me going in?"

Shu gently massaged his chin using his hand. "Negative." He reclined in his seat. "Please have a seat. It's been a long time since Ike and Luca had a conversation, so it might be best if you give them some space."

Taking a deep breath, Y/N remained where they were for a moment before settling themselves in the vacant chair beside Shu.

"You look anxious." Shu glanced at Y/N with a sideways glance.

"I am. A storm is approaching. Luca doesn't handle storms very well..."

"Ah..." Shu gazed upwards at the ceiling, as if hoping to catch a glimpse of the drifting clouds. "I hadn't realized." Gradually, he tilted his head downwards and crossed his arms. "I never would’ve guessed you knew that about him. He keeps it a secret."

Y/N redirected their gaze towards Shu. “Has he ever been okay with them?”

“I don't believe so. He would become anxious and suspicious whenever there was a storm, but that was the extent of it. At this point they probably give him panic attacks.”

Y/N glanced downwards. "Yes, he does. Storms set them off."

Shu emitted a grunting sound and had no further comments on the matter. Y/N believed it was best to remain silent as well. They intertwined their fingers and averted their gaze, waiting for the imminent sound of thunder. They would need to close Luca's blinds and distract him from it somehow, perhaps by showing him a movie or engaging him in a game that would swiftly alleviate his anxiety. Y/N briskly massaged the back of their neck and shut their eyes.

"Ninety-seven pounds, for fuck's sake."

Y/N's eyes opened in surprise as they looked towards Shu, who was staring angrily at something non-specific.

"Could you please repeat that?"

"Ninety-seven pounds, correct? That's how much we weighs now? Sorry, I usually don’t curse."

Y/N's spirits instantly plummeted as soon as they comprehended the subject of Shu's conversation. "Affirmative."

He cursed vehemently without holding back.

Y/N winced and averted their gaze. They had only interacted with Shu on one occasion, and their conversation was minimal. Feeling uncertain about how to handle the situation, they chose to stay quiet. Anxious about Shu's potential response, they nervously twisted their fingers and pressed their lips together.

"Everything about this is incredibly frustrating. Why on earth did he have to experience this? And at such a young age, too?" He muttered these words quietly, expressing his frustration towards the situation. "He's not even twenty five yet.."

Y/N bowed their head.

“It’s unfair.”

"Such is life," Shu concurred with the statement. "Yet... We find ourselves in these situations.”

Shu angrily massaged his elbow and let out a resigned sigh.

"I won’t be coming back to see him. I’ve changed my mind.I can’t see him like this anymore.." He shifted his gaze towards Y/N. "From now on, you will be his companion. I cannot comprehend the method, but being in your presence helps him to calm down."

Y/N avoided making eye contact. Concealing their true emotions, Shu’s words had impacted them far more profoundly than they could have anticipated. A profound feeling of discomfort settled in their stomach, intensifying and tormenting them, compelling them to feel nauseous. However, they managed to suppress their urge to vomit and maintained their calm demeanor, just as they had been practicing ever since their first encounter with Luca.

Y/N raised their hand to vigorously massage the back of their neck, causing uneasiness to concentrate on a particular spot, as a means to distract themselves from the agonizing pain that seemed as if it would engulf their emotions. With a slow blink, they shut their eyes while maintaining a calm and hushed breath.

Shu, who was deeply immersed in his own troubles, was oblivious to the sorrows of Y/N. Eventually, he compelled himself to rise and started rhythmically tapping his fingers against his trousers.

"Keep doing whatever the fuck you’re doing," he uttered in a hushed tone.

Y/N indicated agreement with a nod.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't be able to stop, even if I tried."

Shu couldn't help but let out a mocking laugh.

"Yes... Isn't that the terrifying part..." He touched his chin and walked down the corridor with determination. "Stay connected with me, Y/N."

"Yes, definitely." They echoed the identical statement, realizing the challenge of expressing their thoughts in words at that moment. They observed Shu moving farther away, gradually fading into a vague figure in their sight. Standing close to the staircase, he now appeared as a tall and slender purple figure. Though he was anticipating Ike's arrival, Y/N questioned why he didn't wait for him in the chair where he had been seated earlier.

At that moment, while Y/N nibbled their lower lip, they glanced over and noticed Ike tilting his head towards Luca. It wasn't exactly a formal bow, but rather a gesture of tenderness, as affectionate as Ike could manage, which wasn't very much.

He pressed his forehead against Luca's shoulder, causing him to burst into laughter. Luca softly replied to Ike, nodded, and smiled.

He constantly wore a smile on his face.

Upon witnessing this, Ike immediately stood up and lowered his head, positioning his hands by his side. He couldn't bear to spend even another moment in Luca's presence, so he swiftly departed the room. Maintaining a lowered head, Ike deliberately avoided any eye contact with Y/N, pretending not to notice their presence. Within a matter of seconds, Ike had already moved down the corridor and started descending the stairs, completely disregarding Shu along the way.

Shu displayed no signs of surprise whatsoever. He simply bid farewell to the staring Y/N and proceeded to accompany his little companion downstairs.

With some hesitation, Y/N mustered the energy to give a faint wave in response before they were beckoned by a voice coming from the room they knew all too well.

Their focus was directed towards Luca, who was enthusiastically sitting up in bed with a smile on his face.

Y/N had a nearly reciprocated smile, but it was hindered by the thunder that announced itself from the sky. Luca's smile vanished abruptly as his eyes widened, transitioning from partially closed to fully open. He clutched onto the light pink blanket that surrounded him, his hands tightening around it.

Y/N hastened forward, heading directly into the room. They moved the chair aside and located Luca lying on one side of the bed.

In an effort to soothe himself, Luca ran his delicate, trembling fingers through his blond hair, but the intensity of the next thunderous roar startled him, causing the bed to tremble as he flinched sharply.

"Fuck," he uttered in a terrified voice, which faltered.

Y/N reassured Luca, speaking in a soothing and unhurried manner, while clutching his hand tenderly. Despite the coldness and occasional tremors, they expressed confidence in his ability to overcome the situation, as he had done countless times before.

Luca struggled to articulate his thoughts as he gazed wide-eyed at the hospital room floor.

Luca's breathing became labored as he pleaded, "Please, Y/N, don't..."

“Hm?”

"Do’t leave..."

“I will never leave your side, Luca.” They drew nearer, grasping Luca's hand with their other hand. "Let's take deep breaths together."

Luca vigorously nodded and compelled himself to follow Y/N's wishes, as was his usual response. Y/N was the sole individual capable of helping him endure those distressing times, without a doubt.

Luca's desperate cries reverberated through the room while the window was bombarded by intense raindrops. Y/N was relieved to have arrived just in time, as it had been one of Luca's most severe episodes.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

"Hey, Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"When do you think it’ll snow?"

"Hm... Snowfall occurs unpredictably."

"Do you believe that it’s likely to snow in the near future? Or in January?"

"I hope so, Japan could use some snow every now and then."

"Yes... Yes. I want to step outside and stand in the snow when it does...”

Y/N positioned themselves in a seated position next to Luca's bed, with their legs crossed. When Luca spoke those words, they glanced up at him, hoping to make eye contact, but unfortunately, he had averted his gaze, leaving Y/N without any purple eyes to meet. Luca had turned his head away.

He gazed out at the white clouds covering the sky, captivated by the way it made everything appear devoid of color. These days, which Luca referred to as "Christmas Days," made him more interested in the outside world than in his restricted life at the hospital. Taking a deep breath, Luca's exhale filled the confined space, while his hands gripped the wrinkled bedsheets.

"Are you certain you’ll be able to manage yourself in this weather?"

"I believe so."

Y/N chose not to mention that Luca would likely lose the ability to walk before any snowfall, so they remained quiet. They gently rubbed their hands together and tilted their head to one side.

"I suppose it is possible... As long as your health has improved."

Luca sneered. The sound he made was barely audible.

"I am. Please stop bringing that up. That was in the past."

"I do understand, however, it was not good."

"It's been approved," Luca commented, tilting his head as the pillow folded beneath his neck. He gazed at Y/N with eyes weighed down by exhaustion. Despite his noticeably paler complexion and slight weight loss, he maintained a smile on his lips. "I'm all right at the moment."

Y/N couldn't resist returning his smile as they rested their chin on their hand and chuckled.

"Or at least as good as one can be."

Luca fixed his gaze on Y/N with intensity. His lips trembled as he struggled to articulate his thoughts.

"Be quiet," he said, causing a louder burst of laughter to escape his lips, shaking his body while he reclined in bed. "I appear... Terrible, I'm aware."

Y/N discovered themselves joining in his laughter, and their subtle giggles resonated louder than Luca's sincere laughter.

"You don't appear terrible. You look like Luca," They attempted to conceal their smirk by covering it with their hand, but it remained noticeable through the spaces between their fingers.

Luca extended his hand, attempting to casually brush away Y/N's hand. He struggled to accurately target it but persisted nonetheless.

"Please, don’t hide that."

"Hide what?"

"That smile."

"Why? It's not something special-"

"I hardly ever witness it." Luca's fingers brushed against Y/N's knuckles. This gesture prompted Y/N to withdraw their hand from covering their mouth gradually and place it on their chin instead. They gazed affectionately at Luca.

Luca focused his gaze straight ahead, fully captivated, as he tried to capture a mental image of something he knew he might never witness again. Numerous thoughts raced through his mind, yet only three words dominated his thoughts, the ones he believed would be most fitting to express to Y/N. Despite his intention to utter them, he found himself doing something entirely different. Without realizing it, his hand instinctively reached out and clasped onto Y/N's hand, causing both of them to abruptly react. The expression in Luca's eyes grew wider in surprise.

"I assumed you would... Keep it raised-"

Y/N stifled a laugh and acknowledged that the situation had taken them by surprise.

"I did not intend... to..."

"It's fine," they reassured as their thumb gently caressed Luca's knuckles. "I am now."

Luca gazed at Y/N once more, this time in silence and with a sense of captivation. He stared for a longer duration before diverting his gaze upwards, downwards, and finally averted his eyes elsewhere. Avoiding direct confrontation, he shifted his head towards the window, unable to confront Y/N.

Y/N stopped speaking, pressing their lips together meekly. Their gaze fixated on the disheveled blend of blonde and grey hair that covered Luca's head as they observed from behind. Moving downward, their E/C eyes scrutinized his fading complexion, noticing how his veins protruded noticeably beneath his skin whenever he made any movement. Y/N shifted their attention to Luca's arm, specifically the one connected to the hand they were currently holding.

They examined the tiny needle embedded in Luca’s forearm, observed the slender tube connected to it, and traced its path to the intravenous fluid bag suspended above their head.

Y/N's smile vanished completely.

Since Luca experienced his last panic attack, it has become increasingly challenging for them to manage their speech, physical gestures, and activities. Even something as effortless as swallowing has become problematic for Luca. Despite numerous unsuccessful endeavors to retain or ingest food, the nurses determined that the most suitable solution for providing nourishment to Luca was through a tube.

During the six-day period, Y/N observed that Luca could only consume tiny treats such as grapes, ice cubes, and chocolate-coated slim pretzels. Apart from these items, Luca struggled to tolerate any other type of food. Consequently, his only option remained to lie down and accept whatever nutrients were provided through the intravenous liquid.

As they glanced back at Luca, they felt a sense of relief knowing that he was still focused on the window. Y/N had been lost in thought for a while, and during that time, Luca had carefully covered himself with the pink blanket, stopping just below his chin. Only his arm was visible as it grasped onto Y/N's hand. Luca's breathing was calm, and his hand would occasionally tremble, prompting Y/N to gently squeeze it in return. This silent exchange between them served as their way of communicating.

Y/N conveyed to Luca that everything would be fine, providing comfort regardless of their circumstances.

Both of them found it more convenient to trust in that falsehood rather than to acknowledge the reality of what lay ahead.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca was the only one who noticed that it had started snowing for the first time that year on the extremely cold day of January 9th at 10:02 PM. However, he never took it upon himself to say anything.

Y/N didn't notice the heavy snowfall outside until they shifted their gaze from the laptop screen. The sight of the snow excited them, and they eagerly wanted to share it with Luca. However, when they turned to face Luca, they were met with a tired expression instead of the enthusiastic reaction they expected.

Y/N displayed a displeased expression on their face.

"Luca, do you see it?"

Luca shifted his gaze from the laptop screen to focus on Y/N.

"What is it...?"

"The snow? It's snowing outside."

Luca glanced out the window once again, only to see that snow was indeed coming down in large flakes. However, this sight did not captivate Luca's interest. To be honest, it had no impact on him whatsoever. He responded with a weak shrug and returned his attention to the movie he had already seen thirty times.

Y/N was truly puzzled.

"I believed that you were anticipating the arrival of snow. I believed that it was something you desired..."

Luca's eyelids began to close and then abruptly opened once more as he emitted a faint noise.

"I... see it everyday."

At that moment, Y/N suddenly understood and her lips separated to express it. Luca had been affected by his hallucinations to such an extent that he mistook the snow outside for another illusion. They inhaled deeply in surprise.

"Luca, it's not a hallucination. It’s real.”

Luca shifted his gaze towards the window once more, his eyes filled with a strong desire that Y/N found unbearable to witness. Exhausted, Luca made a small effort to raise himself slightly in order to gain a clearer view outside. A sense of curiosity had arisen within him, as he yearned to determine the authenticity of what he was seeing. It frustrated him how challenging it had become to distinguish between reality and illusion.

"I’ll show you," Y/N rose from their chair and approached the windowsill. At that spot, they slightly separated the glass. In a split second, a powerful, freezing gust of wind burst into the room, instantly extracting warmth from everything it came into contact with.

Luca felt a sensation of unease, causing his skin to tingle and tiny bumps to form on his smooth complexion. Putting in considerable effort, he covered himself with the pink blanket.

Y/N closed the window promptly and collected a sufficient amount of snow from its edge to display to Luca. They hurried towards him, holding the quickly melting snow in their palms. Luca extended his own hands eagerly, hoping to confirm its authenticity.

Y/N handed Luca a compacted ball of snow, urging him to observe. Luca was amazed, gazing at the small, melting mass in his hand. He gently touched it with his finger, causing it to disintegrate into tiny snowflakes. The warmth of his palm caused them to dissolve, leaving only a small puddle.

Luca let out a sudden sound of surprise. His eyes expanded to their fullest extent in astonishment.

Y/N lets a small smile adorn their face.

"T-take me.....outside..!"

Luca whispered, Y/N observed Luca's appearance carefully. He resembled that of a skeleton covered by a blanket. "You shiver even when the room temperature reaches seventy degrees, Luca. It’s nine degrees outside."

"Y/N, please." Y/N pursed their lips tightly and shook their head again. It was challenging for them to refuse Luca, but it was necessary.

"I am unable to..."

"Why?" asked Luca, feeling discouraged as his frown grew more pronounced.

"The adverse climate conditions can pose harm to you and it is essential for you to take necessary precautions for your safety."

Luca's expression shifted from disappointment to disbelief as he looked at Y/N, questioning their statement.

Y/N took a deep breath, yet they were unable to utter a single word. They observed Luca cautiously, uncertain of what his forthcoming words would be.

"I am currently o-on death row, where I a-am struggling to communicate, walk, e-e-at, and sleep. The least of your concerns should be my well-being and the p-possibility of me getting sick."

"Luca," they stuttered, their voice trembling with cold, "I know that I won't survive much longer. Despite that, please let me to experience this."

Y/N's gaze was locked with Luca's, and they discovered that they couldn't avert their eyes. Luca's eyes conveyed a message that surpassed his verbal expressions. They conveyed what his words failed to articulate.

Y/N glanced downwards and averted their gaze from Luca, before redirecting their attention towards the window.

“…The furthest we can go is the window.”

"I have no objections to that." And in an instant, Luca's smile returned.

Y/N let out a sigh, feeling exasperated by how quickly they had succumbed to Luca's pleading. However, upon reflecting on the situation, they realized that they couldn't be held accountable for their actions. They didn't want to be the person who turned someone away when they had almost nothing left.

Y/N couldn't resist finding Luca's smile charming, despite how unwell he appeared while wearing it.

"Let's go..." Y/N extended their hand to assist Luca in standing up. They encouraged him to keep the blanket around himself, but Luca insisted on leaving it behind. Holding onto the IV stand with one hand and Y/N’s hand with the other, Luca limped towards the window. Y/N noticed Luca’s freezing cold hands, intensifying their worry. However, despite their concern, Y/N persisted in guiding them towards the window at a deliberate and unhurried speed until they ultimately reached their destination.

Luca removed his hand from Y/N’s and placed it on the windowsill after they arrived. The harsh and cold air struck Luca forcefully when another blast of wind entered the hospital room. Despite this, Luca remained unfazed, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, embracing the stinging sensation of the winter air entering his lungs. As he exhaled, a visible cloud of smoke escaped from his mouth. Luca tilted his head out of the window a little, leaving it in that position while snowflakes descended around him.

Y/N pulled Luca back inside, urging him not to engage in the action. They anticipated some form of protest from Luca but was met with silence instead. Surprisingly, Luca obediently complied and extended his entire arm outwards, observing as each individual snowflake gracefully passed around his limb, avoiding contact with him as if they had no desire to touch him. Occasionally, a few snowflakes would land on his arm, prompting Luca to swiftly retract his hand in an attempt to examine the intricate patterns on them. He would carefully examine the snowflakes for a considerable amount of time until they eventually melted, leaving nothing more than a droplet on his arm. Subsequently, he would proceed to repeat this exact process, paying little to no attention to the biting cold that enveloped him.

Y/N observed Luca with fascination as he displayed childlike behavior, completely engrossed in an activity and unwilling to stop, repeating it incessantly without needing anyone's instructions. Y/N furrowed their brows and shifted their gaze away from Luca, directing it towards the outside. The all too familiar feeling of dread began to well up inside Y/N, something they desperately wished to suppress. They placed their hand on the windowsill and gripped it tightly, causing their knuckles to turn pale.

Y/N often found themself in moments of silence with Luca, which happened more frequently than they desired. While Luca’s speaking abilities had declined, he still remained the more talkative one between them. Therefore, whenever Luca fell silent, Y/N felt an uncomfortable sense of unease settle within them. Y/N desperately wanted to escape this feeling and the silence, so they quickly searched their mind for any words that came to them. They yearned for something, anything, to say to Luca, just to free themself from the dreadful sensation that loomed over them.

"You know... I never asked," Y/N uttered, gazing into the horizon. "What is it about the snow that captivates you, Luca?"

They patiently awaited a response, yet none was granted to them. Feeling uneasy, they voiced their thoughts once more.

"I think it's a bit cliché considering your current situation," they remarked in an effort to lighten the atmosphere, trying to inject some humor into the conversation. However, their words failed to have any effect as Luca remained silent. Y/N felt a deep frown forming on their face as they turned their head to examine Luca’s expression, instantly regretting their decision.

Luca expressed his sorrow quietly, shedding large tears that flowed down his face abundantly. The hand that held him up against the windowsill quivered constantly, while his other hand shivered in the frigid darkness. A few snowflakes had landed on his outstretched arm, but they resisted melting. They chose to stay there, considering Luca as their companion until they eventually melted or dropped off.

Y/N gazed at Luca, attempting to utter words, yet discovering that they were incapable of articulating even a single simple word. Recognizing this limitation, Y/N chose to take initiative and offer solace, but even this was beyond their ability. Their limbs and eyes were paralyzed, and all they could do was observe the sorrowful spectacle unfolding before them.

Y/N restrained themself and refrained from speaking, keeping their thoughts to himself.

Take action... do something…

Y/N’s physical responsiveness was nonexistent.

They could only observe as the tears cascaded more rapidly, descending onto his hospital gown and the floor. The radiance from the external source gleamed on Luca’s teardrops, illuminating his face softly. Gradually, Luca retracted his hand and allowed it to rest by his side. He lowered his head and attempted to manage his weeping as best as he could, but this proved to be quite challenging as he began to sob uncontrollably, causing his entire body to tremble.

After taking a brief pause to compose himself, Luca managed to utter a pair of uncomplicated words, his lips trembling.

"Why... me..?"

Y/N gazed ahead while their thoughts sought for words. They discovered a few and uttered them spontaneously.

"Life is unfair."

Luca lifted his icy and weak hand to clean the disarray on his countenance. "I wanted to do.. so much..."

"I understand," Y/N clenched their hand into a fist, internally reprimanding themselves for their current lack of emotion in their tone.

Luca stepped away from the window, prompting Y/N to swiftly shut it, ensuring the chilling night breeze stayed outside throughout the rest of the night. Y/N then extended their hand and grasped Luca's arm, assisting him in returning to the bed.

Luca returned to his customary posture and enveloped himself with the cozy pink blanket after they had arrived. Then, he averted his gaze from Y/N and attentively observed the window, seemingly disregarding his guest—or at least that's what Y/N presumed. Shortly after Y/N had begun to feel restless, Luca broke the silence by speaking up.

"Y/N..?"

"Can I help you?" Luca had their complete focus.

After a brief pause, he eventually found the courage to express his thoughts. He said, "I would prefer if you no longer come to see me."

Y/N narrowed their eyes to understand his words, leaning forward in surprise. "What?"

"Please, don’t visit…. me.. any-more..."

"No," Y/N rose from their chair.

“I- please-”

"That’s not possible anymore, Luca," Y/N responded, feeling a sudden chill run down their spine, making the hair on the back of their neck stand up.

"Could you please, Y/N..."

"I'm sticking with my refusal." They marched to the opposite side of the bed, positioning themselves to have a clear view of Luca's face. Upon observing this, Luca shifted his gaze and moved away gradually. Y/N's eyes grew wider as their emotions became ensnared in a peculiar blend of apprehension and anger.

"Luca, can you explain the significance of this?"

Luca chose not to reply. He stayed in his current position and solely adjusted his hand to once more wipe his face.

"Respond to me."

Luca sucked on his teeth while pulling the blanket up to cover everything except his chin. After a while, he eventually responded.

"I don’t.. want you t-to become at-attached..b-because I don’t.. have much longer.. left..."

Y/N almost chuckled. "Why do you assume that I’m already attached to you? I never stated such a thing."

Luca shifted his focus onto Y/N in this instance. A grimace appeared on his flushed face.

"Please be quiet, Y/N..." He took a deep breath, feeling frustrated with both himself and the worsening of his speech difficulty, but he carried on. "I understand... You despise hospitals. So, don't... try to convince me now that you... have been visiting here daily just because... you wanted to."

Y/N found themselves devoid of any further words. With their mouth slightly agape, they fixated their gaze upon Luca, appearing as if they intended to utter something yet ultimately rendered silent.

"I am aware that... You have concern... Even if it's only a small amount." Luca placed his hand over his mouth and unexpectedly coughed. He realized that speaking required much more effort than he anticipated. Nevertheless, he proceeded to speak. "I am not... Familiar with this... Illness. Partly be-...cause I was too scared to acquire knowledge about it. But... I am aware that my remaining time is limited." His exasperation gradually diminished, and all that remained on his colorless face was an expression of surrender.

"I have about one, maybe two months if I'm extra lucky. That’s the amount of time I have."

Y/N felt a denseness in the atmosphere, making it suddenly challenging for them to inhale.

Luca glanced downward and tilted his lips sideways. "I overheard the doctors. They don’t know how to... um... cure me, hence..." Y/N, observing from beneath the covers, noticed Luca's shoulders moving up and down. "It's just... a gradual, crippling journey from now on. And I do not want you to witness... everything un...fold."

Luca remained motionless, his eyes staring blankly as his tears glistened in the subdued illumination of the room.

"I don’t want you to watch me die.”

Luca's eyes welled up with tiny droplets as they cascaded down his eerily calm expression. "So I surmised that if you were to leave now... You... Wouldn't have to... And it wouldn't cause as much pain..."

Once again, an overwhelming force immobilized Y/N, rendering them incapable of movement or speech. All they could do was observe in muted anguish as Luca finally acknowledged the tragic fate that had befallen his fleeting existence. Y/N came to the realization that the smiles they had witnessed before were merely illusions – forced grins that desperately attempted to deceive Luca into believing that everything would be alright. However, he couldn't maintain this facade indefinitely. Considering the state he was in, Luca had always battled to maintain a facade of positivity while internally crumbling apart.

Y/N is currently aware of this fact.

They tapped their fingers against their legs, trying to create movement. Their goal was to mentally prepare themselves to take some action and show Luca that they were there for him.

Do something... Like a member of the living dead, Y/N moved their leg forward as if it was an effort. Then, they repeated the same motion with the other leg until they reached the bedside. They disregarded their pessimistic thoughts and settled themselves on the bed, right beside Luca. Y/N didn't allow him any time to respond before drawing nearer, and once they were in close proximity, they gently rested their head on Luca's shoulder.

Y/N clasped their hands tightly in an attempt to prevent them from trembling uncontrollably.

"I will stay, Luca," their tone was soft, soothing. "And no matter what, I refuse to go.”

Luca remained quiet, refraining from uttering a single word, while he raised his hand to once again wipe his face. Occasionally, he could be heard sniffing and adjusting his position, but he never voiced any objections to Y/N's choice.

He was happy.

Y/N shifted their gaze a little, letting their cheek softly rest against Luca's shoulder. Inhaling deeply and closing their eyes, they momentarily furrowed their brows. Luca's hands trembled as they clenched their fists tightly, feeling the pressure of Y/N's nails against his knuckles.

Luca's scent was no longer reminiscent of a medical facility.

Luca’s scent had the reminiscence of... Home.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N's eyes showed the reflection of the rolling movie credits on their laptop screen.

While sitting leisurely, they extended their hand and stopped the movie that had been playing.

"How was it watching the movie for the millionth time?" Their tone carried a subtle touch of sarcasm.

Luca, who appeared unusually pale, smiled while lying beside Y/N.

"...Alright..." Luca leaned back and rested his head on his pillow. He glanced towards Y/N and took a moment to direct his attention towards them.

Y/N brought their laptop nearer and glided their finger across the touchpad. Their gaze shifted towards the bottom right corner of the monitor, where the date read January 19th, 6:40pm.

Y/N's expression turned serious as they shut the laptop. Shifting in their chair, they positioned themselves upright at the top of the bed and directed their gaze towards Luca.

Y/N caught his exhausted gaze, and he had a wide smile on his face.

Y/N attempted to put on a smile, tilting their head slightly.

"Why are you smiling?" They extended their hand and gently brushed Luca's forehead. He felt cool to the touch, even colder than usual. Y/N quickly pulled back their hand, making sure to do it discreetly.

Luca took a brief pause before answering, but eventually, he found the ability to express himself.

"... Th-thank you..."

"Don't worry about it." Y/N's lips formed a shy smile. "I know of your affection for that film." As they uttered these words, they shifted their gaze towards Luca and quickly averted it. Intuition suggested that the words had a deeper meaning, but Y/N dismissed this notion.

They contorted their body in order to grasp the box of Pretzels resting on the counter. Subsequently, they proceeded to unlock it and extract a singular piece.

"Would you like to have one?"

Luca gave a nod and extended a trembling arm. Y/N placed the snack in their fingers, and Luca pulled back his hand to cradle it against his body. With some effort, he brought it close to his nose, inhaling the savory aroma, before lowering his arm. He lightly touched and rotated the snack unsteadily in his fingers, closely examining it, but he refrained from consuming it.

Y/N returned the box to the counter and let out a gentle sigh.

"It appears that you have developed a stronger bond with that pretzel stick than with me..."

Luca raised his head in astonishment and then lowered his gaze to the snack he was holding. Y/N's words took a while to register with him, but when they eventually did, his expression brightened, and he burst into laughter.

Y/N had never heard a sound as weak as this before.

Y/N chuckled alongside Luca, crossing their arms as they expressed, "At last, I have managed to say something humorous. I previously mentioned that I do have occasional moments of wit."

Luca's laughter subsided, and he shut his eyes.

Luca broke the silence after a few minutes of being wordless in each other's presence; his voice was barely audible, resembling a faint murmur.

"Y/N?"

Y/N glanced in his direction.

"Hm?"

Luca nervously swallowed and played with the Pretzel he was holding.

"Ask…me why i-i like… The Lake House."

Confused, Y/N focused completely on Luca.

"Alright then... Luca, what is it about The Lake House that appeals to you so much?" The H/C-ette observed Luca attentively, eager to hear his response.

Luca eagerly gazed up at Y/N, responding willingly as if he hadn’t forced them to ask this question.

"Do you... remember in the film when... Morgan passes away...?" His fatigued violet eyes remained fixed on Y/N expectantly, anticipating their affirmation. When they did, Luca proceeded. "Uh... I... appreciate the part where... they reunite... in a different life."

Luca's voice lacked strength, sounding feeble and weak. However, when he discussed his favorite scene, Y/N could perceive a newfound intensity emanating from him, something that had not been present previously.

One filled with optimism.

"It gives me the… sensation… of h-having a second chance at life… a life b-etter than the current one. A life in which I can wake up next to you and spend time with you," he said with a faint smile on his thin, pale lips. "A life where we can lead….normal lives, rather… than the one we are currently living.”

Y/N was left speechless, unable to find any words in that moment. Looking at Luca, they could only express agreement through a nod, even though they weren't entirely sure what they were agreeing with. The impact of Luca's words felt so strong that Y/N felt like all the air had been forcefully drained from their body.

Y/N never expected that Luca would like that specific aspect of the movie.

Y/N forced a sad smile as they roughly rubbed their palm with their thumb.

"I would like that a lot," they softly expressed towards Luca.

"I feel the same way..." Luca's gaze remained fixed on Y/N as he observed their every action with great focus, eventually catching Y/N's attention due to his unwavering scrutiny.

"Why do you look at me like that?" Their (E/C) eyes connected with violet ones.

Despite being asked clearly, Luca remained silent and motionless, choosing instead to gaze in the direction of Y/N with eyes full of hope.

Y/N's spine experienced a sudden shudder, which made goose bumps appear on their skin, after what seemed like the longest ten seconds of their existence. They took a deep breath and posed the same question once more.

"Why do you look at me like that, Luca?" They struggled to control the quivering in their voice.

At that moment, Luca's eyes flickered with understanding, and gradually and confidently, he began to speak.

His response came in a tone of astonishment, as he said, "Because... I don’t want you to leave. Sometimes, when I close my eyes... you vanish." Luca proceeded to rub his eyes, first one then the other, before lowering his hand to his side.

Y/N attempted to conceal their displeased expression. Their gaze shifted towards Luca's hands, which appeared slender and skeletal, revealing visible blue veins tracing delicate patterns across the bones just beneath the skin.

They extended their hand and grasped Luca's hand within their own.

Luca instinctively responded to the comforting sensation by gently enclosing Y/N's hand with his own. He glanced at their intertwined fingers and let out a soft breath through his nostrils.

Y/N made eye contact with him and then shifted their gaze downward.

"I’m still here."

Luca weakly nodded while resting his head on the pillow.

"I’m… here t-too.." His voice had become even more feeble compared to earlier, if that's even possible.

Y/N gave a nod, accompanied by him.

"Yes. You are also still here..."

Luca radiated with whatever little energy he had remaining.

Y/N longed for the ability to do the same.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

New iMessage!

From: Shu

[You up?]

Y/N:

[Yes.]

Shu:

[Is he doing okay?]

Y/N:

[Could be a lot better.]

After sending the message, Y/N glanced up from their phone and observed that Luca was once again fixated on them with keen attention.

His gaze begger the question, "Who was that?"

Y/N shrugged as they casually put their phone into their pocket.

They uttered the name "Shu" nonchalantly, aiming to lessen the impact, but Y/N realized that regardless of their attempt, Luca would wear a displeased expression upon hearing the name.

And he did.

Luca glanced at Y/N's hand and his eyes revealed his profound longing for his friend. Y/N, burdened by a sense of guilt, swiftly retrieved their phone that had been concealed moments ago.

"Do you want him to send a photo?"

Luca glanced upwards before pausing briefly to reflect, and eventually gave a confirming gesture.

Building on this idea, Y/N sent a message requesting Shu to share a picture of himself for Luca. It took a considerable amount of time for Y/N to receive a response from Shu, but upon checking the message, Y/N discovered that Shu had sent a video instead of the requested image.

Y/N shifted in their seat to draw near Luca, angling their body towards them. Resting one arm on the bed, they adjusted their phone's position for optimal viewing by both of them. Luca fixated his gaze upon the screen, genuinely curious about the forthcoming content. Y/N hit the play button, initiating the playback of a video featuring Shu.

He was at his home, lying in bed, wearing a comfortably fitting shirt, and his hair was completely disheveled.

"Hey, guys! Ahhhh I'm aware that you didn't ask me to send a video, however, I'm not the type to adhere to rules." He imitated a nonchalant expression playfully, but his act was interrupted by another person speaking out.

A soft sound could be detected from the video's backdrop.

"What? Did you just...Speak without addressing anyone?"

"No way, absolutely not, I’m recording a video."

Shu moved the phone to his side, and an indistinct Ike appeared on the screen. Ike was sitting with his legs crossed, wearing an oversized shirt and a hat that seemed to have been put on his head against his will. At some point, he raised his hand and forcefully threw the beanie from his head, letting it fall on the ground without purpose.

"Say hello, Ike."

Ike expressed surprise and confusion, saying that he didn't hear what was said. He then noticed a camera facing him and promptly stood up from the bed and left, asking not to be recorded.

Shu requested them to at least greet with a simple "hello."

"Hello," a voice from an unseen source was heard.

"And that's just how Ike is," Shu complained while adjusting his position in bed, followed by a smile. "But setting him aside... I trust everything is going smoothly. Uh..." He scratched his cheek right below the eye. "I miss you. Particularly, Luca, I miss you. Um... Stay strong, okay? Y/N, please don't make things difficult for him, or we might have a disagreement."

Luca's face lit up with a broad smile upon hearing those words. If he had been able to, he would have burst into laughter.

Y/N's lips also curved into a smile, but it disappeared swiftly.

"Well, I suppose that concludes the video... I would have liked for Ike to bid farewell as well, but-" He glanced around, "He left... the room...? Yes, he has left the room. Therefore, I will take it upon myself to say goodbye on his behalf! Goodbye, Luca. Remain composed. And always remember, you are pogging in real life." He raised his hand in a gesture of peace, and the video concluded with his presence on the screen.

Y/N let out a breath of frustration. They believed the video had ended too abruptly, but in reality, it had only spanned slightly less than thirty seconds.

Luca agreed by nodding and shifted his gaze back towards Y/N.

"Did you all have a close friendship?"

Luca acknowledged again with a single nod. In an effortful manner, he attempted to lift his hand and gradually rotated his index finger in circular motion next to his temple.

Y/N let out a quiet laugh and reclined in their chair.

"Is he out of his mind?"

Luca's lips curved into a wider smile, indicating his affirmative response to Y/N's inquiry.

Y/N started to recognize in moments like these the true innocence of Luca's soul. It was childlike innocence. Occasionally, it would dawn upon Y/N that Luca was merely twenty-four years old, and this realization would burden them even more than usual. The thought of Luca barely having the opportunity to enjoy the pleasures of young adulthood before being afflicted by a debilitating disease was painful. It was a source of frustration, anger, and deep sorrow, but Y/N had to conceal these emotions, especially when in Luca's presence.

Rather than wearing a displeased face, Y/N chose to maintain a neutral expression, as they always did. This was the most effective method they had to conceal their anguish.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Luca and Y/N hadn't accomplished much during the many hours that had elapsed since receiving the message from Shu.

Luca's ability to engage in conversation was compromised due to his lack of a voice, despite his determined efforts. Additionally, even if he had the ability to speak, the extent of his physical condition would have limited his ability to communicate for an extended period of time. His movements were erratic and sluggish, and the feeble sounds he produced were often barely audible. Occasionally, Luca would remain motionless in bed, only to be abruptly jolted awake whenever his body yearned for the sleep it once easily embraced. During these instances, he would briefly exhibit an expression of frustration before succumbing to exhaustion, rendering him unable to maintain it any further.

Y/N would typically avert their gaze when Luca exhibited such behavior to avoid witnessing the distressing situation. However, there were occasional instances where they were compelled to observe Luca's deterioration due to his illness, which they strongly despised.

Whenever Y/N observed this, their brain would automatically replay a specific phrase, regardless of their willingness to listen to it.

This is what death looks like.

Y/N swiftly glanced downwards and focused on their hands. They stared at them with a fierce intensity, mirroring their calm demeanor which only added to the discomfort. Y/N desperately wished to erase the thought from their mind and distance themselves from it. They forcefully banished those words and substituted them with reassuring ones, affirming that he will not perish but instead recover.

However, as they pondered over it and examined the precise interpretations of both expressions, they ultimately found it impossible to determine which of the two was more terrifying.

Y/N shut their eyes and let out a deep breath, growing increasingly despondent as time went on. They were worried that they couldn't escape this condition on their own, but then they realized they had someone by their side.

They sensed a delicate touch on their arm, prompting them to turn their head and encounter a gaze filled with both concern and weariness. Y/N straightened up and regained their composure.

"I'm okay," they softly remarked, reclining in their chair. "How do you feel, Luca?"

Luca's eyelids fluttered at a leisurely pace, indicating his state of being acceptiveness. Although not fantastic, he was content.

Y/N pressed their lips together and gave a single nod. They discovered themselves incapable of uttering further words, assuming that Luca would also remain silent, but they were mistaken.

Once more, they experienced the gentle touch on their arm. Taken aback, Y/N redirected their focus towards Luca.

"Hm? What do you need?" The chair was rotated to directly face Luca as they asked.

Luca furrowed his brow as he gazed up at Y/N, attempting to articulate his thoughts, but ultimately unable to do so. He scanned his surroundings and made gestures with his fingers, hoping to find a phone. Y/N quickly grasped the situation and retrieved their phone, offering it to Luca. With the notes app open, they positioned the device in front of him. However, as Luca struggled to make out the words, they inaccurately pressed on the screen. It took him a while to finally express his desired message, but after a few minutes, Y/N withdrew their hand.

Y/N glanced at their mobile device in order to peruse the sentence that was displayed on the screen.

"If I had been aware that the words I said a week ago would be my final ones, I would have chosen differently."

Y/N fixed a penetrating gaze on the screen, before diverting their attention and turning their eyes back to Luca.

"Are you not happy with them?"

Luca gradually nodded.

Y/N paused, feeling uncertain, before asking the question they were hesitant to raise: "If you were given another opportunity, what would you decide to say?"

As soon as Y/N uttered those words, the clouds in the sky separated, granting entry to the warm orange light of the setting sun, which filled the room. Both Luca and Y/N were bathed in its radiance, causing them to narrow their eyes simultaneously. Nevertheless, even with their eyes squinted, Y/N could still perceive the faint traces of unease on Luca's face.

They were currently experiencing a higher level of curiosity than they had ever experienced previously.

"Um... Luca, you don’t have to say it right now if you prefer not to."

Shaking his head, Luca expressed his disagreement.

"So..thats a no?

Once again, he vigorously shook his head.

"Ah, so you do want to."

Luca made a feeble sound from his throat with his mouth shut this time, and he gave a nod.

"Okay," Y/N adjusted their position in the chair, appearing hesitant now. They quickly looked to the side. "How many words?"

Luca, as always, displayed his characteristic slow response time before eventually raising his hand. Perched on his hand, three fingers extended outward.

Y/N experienced a sinking feeling in their heart, causing their stomach to drop. They felt another tremor approaching that could potentially unsettle them, but they managed to remain motionless, despite the difficulty it entailed.

"Only three words? Is that all?" Y/N managed to smile, though it felt obligatory. "Well, that's quite intriguing..."

Please don’t say what I think it is…

They extended their arm and positioned their phone in front of Luca so that he could input the text.

I don’t want to hear it... I have no interest in listening to them. I have no desire to peruse them. I have no intention of acquainting myself with them.

Luca spent what seemed like an endless amount of time typing the words on Y/N's phone. His hand trembled so much that it was difficult to determine which keys he was pressing. Y/N held their breath anxiously until Luca eventually withdrew his hand. He then allowed it to rest on his stomach. His eyes, which were a vibrant shade of purple, scanned the room in search of Y/N. When he finally spotted them, his sparkling eyes brightened slightly more than usual. This sparkle was accompanied by a small and insignificant smile on his face.

Before Y/N closed their eyes, they ensured to capture a mental image of the moment. With their phone tightly held in their hand, they inhaled deeply, taking in as much air as possible before exhaling through their nose. Adjusting their phone to face them, they opened their eyes and encountered the three words that would forever torment them.

At least that's what they believed.

Y/N's eyes expanded a little, and their brow furrowed in astonishment. The content displayed on the screen turned out to be unexpected; it was not what they had anticipated, but instead... a straightforward expression of praise.

"You’re so beautiful"

Y/N froze in their place, repeatedly reading the words until they eventually lifted their gaze. Their heart pounded forcefully in their chest, as though desiring to escape. They focused their attention on Luca.

"Do you... really think that?" They uttered this question with an incredulous tone.

With a feeble nod, Luca's lips slightly curved upwards. Alongside this, he lifted a trembling hand along with his index finger, indicating that he had something else to convey to Y/N.

Y/N quickly guessed and whispered, "Is it one?"

Luca raised his finger in the air before directing it towards himself. Without allowing Y/N to guess, he swiftly shifted his finger towards his eye and ultimately towards Y/N.

Y/N slowly separated their lips, struggling to find their voice. Once they managed to speak, they made an effort to prevent it from trembling.

"Ever since our encounter... On the very day when you laid eyes on me..."

Upon hearing this, Luca's arm dropped and gently settled on his abdomen. He responded by nodding once more, closing his eyes, and slightly angling his head in another direction.

Y/N observed with curiosity as Luca's lips trembled and formed a broad smile, and as the light illuminated his face, Y/N discovered the true extent of Luca's embarrassment. His face took on a subtle shade of red, and he attempted to conceal it from Y/N. It appeared that uttering his internalized thoughts aloud had unsettled Luca more than he had anticipated.

Witnessing this unfolding spectacle, Y/N's cognitive abilities became severely impaired. Their heart raced uncontrollably, making it arduous to swallow, while one of their legs incessantly trembled. They were completely clueless about how to respond or act, desperately searching for the appropriate words or actions. In an unforeseen turn of events, Y/N found themself engaged in a surprising behavior.

A spontaneous giggle erupted from the depths of their chest, resonating through the room upon impact with the surrounding air. They chuckled deeply, exerting as much effort as possible. Their voice carried a delicate and soothing tone, easing Luca's senses. It prompted him to open his eyes and fixate his gaze in the direction of Y/N, utterly amazed. His vibrant violet eyes absorbed every detail of Y/N's joyful countenance. The way their lips curved at the edges, and how their eyes slightly narrowed, revealing only a glimpse of their enchanting eye color. Luca absorbed every aspect, and before he knew it, he too succumbed to laughter.

It was a subdued chuckle, barely audible due to its lack of strength and fragility in nature; nevertheless, Y/N could hear it, which satisfied Luca. Despite his cheeks still displaying a reddish hue, he had grown indifferent to it. Content with his current state, he took solace in the fact that he had confessed his feelings. Luca felt gratified knowing that Y/N sought companionship in his presence.

Y/N managed to speak, pausing briefly amidst their laughter.

"You’re... Absurd," they uttered playfully, their hands quivering as they held their mobile device.

Luca's expression conveyed a clear message: "Yes, indeed, I am."

Y/N's laughter gradually transitioned into a chuckle, and while remaining seated, they gazed at Luca with calm eyes. Y/N's face displayed a sincere emotion, and they raised a hand to run their fingers through their H/C hair.

Luca was thanked by them with a gentle whisper, their voice trembling in their throat, as they extended their hand and made contact with Luca's.

Luca instinctively tightened his grip as he always did. He gazed up at Y/N, his smile eternally radiant. His eyes conveyed a message,

"No, thank you."

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

February 2nd.

What time is it? No idea.

Y/Nmoved slightly in the hospital bed and uttered a feeble sound of discomfort. They didn't bother to inspect. They held no concern.

The sky had already turned dark. They deduced that it was likely later than five in the afternoon. Consequently, they lost interest. It no longer mattered to them whether it was seven in the evening, or eight in the evening, or twelve midnight, or even if time came to a complete halt.

They were solely concerned about the presence of Luca, who remained by their side, inhaling and living.

The only thing that mattered to them was the presence of Luca Kaneshiro remaining.

Y/N tilted their head and gently pressed their forehead against Luca’s neck.

Luca was slow in responding to this, but he still acted by turning towards Y/N and gently touching his chin to the top of their head. The soothing sensation of Y/N’s hair brushing against his chin brought Luca comfort and made him feel calm.

Y/N found pleasure in this occurrence as it alleviated the intensity of Luca’s muscle contractions, enabling him to relax more than his usual capacity. Y/N was unaware of the reasons behind their influence on Bokuto, yet it held paramount significance to them.

Y/N was relieved to find out that despite the extremely cold weather, the hospital room was adequately heated, preventing Luca from getting too cold. Nevertheless, Luca continued to experience episodes of shaking, occurring in brief, intermittent episodes lasting only a few seconds before his body became too feeble to sustain them.

Y/N always ensured that they embraced Luca tightly whenever this occurred, to assure him of their presence and that they were not a figment of his imagination. Additionally, Y/N whispered gentle words to him occasionally, maintaining a quiet dialogue, albeit mostly one-sided. Often, Y/N would pose simple questions that Luca could respond to with a nod or shake of his head. However, there were instances when Luca chose not to answer specific questions, despite Y/N asking them twice.

Y/N noticed that the less they inquired, the more he found himself expressing his thoughts.

Y/N rested their head on the curve of Luca’s neck, feeling tired and gazing into the distance. They concentrated on empty thoughts, similar to what Ike used to do. Y/N held onto one of Luca’s slender arms, occasionally soothing him by rubbing their thumb up and down. They both shared a light pink knitted blanket, snuggled up together to keep warm in the most effective way they could. As Y/N lay there in silence, attentively listening to Luca’s labored breaths, they prepared to speak by parting their lips.

"Luca?"

They spoke at a volume that was audible to Luca. Sensing Luca’s reaction against their head, they proceeded to speak. Inhaling deeply, they cleared their eyes of the irritating sensation.

"I need you to understand that... I am happy that I met you."

Luca remained relatively still as he merely took occasional breaths.

"I am extremely happy to have met you. Moreover, I am delighted to have become friends with you."

Y/N took a momentary pause, remaining silent for some time. However, afterwards, they resumed speaking.

"So... I would like thank you for talking with me in the hallway that day... and for checking if I was okay. Because at that time, I wasn't feeling well. But... I am feeling better now."

Resting their head on Luca’s chest, Y/N pressed against his delicate physique. Y/N paid attention to the accelerated pace of Luca’s heart that continued to throb, revealing his reaction to Y/N’s words.

Y/N shut their eyes in opposition to him. They discovered that they had no further words to express. Instead, they relied on their actions to communicate their feelings. Y/N drew themself nearer to Luca and pressed their face against the comforting heat of Luca’s neck. The sensation of Luca’s chin grazing the top of their head, as it always did, never failed to console Y/N. They inhaled the familiar aroma that they had become so fond of and softly exhaled against Luca’s noticeable collar bone.

Y/N sensed a feeble, sick arm raise and settle on their shoulder. In response, they moved closer and let their body unwind. Their breathing became steady, and before long, they found themself gradually succumbing to the comforting embrace of slumber, unable to fight it.

Y/N, feeling disoriented, uttered their final words as they drifted into a profound slumber: "Luca, have a good night."

That night, they didn't have any specific dreams. They didn't experience any frightening dreams or even something that could be considered as a dream. There was a complete absence of any sort of imagery, only darkness.

……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. ……. …….

Y/N opened their eyes to the sensation of sunlight touching their face. The warmth of the sun was comforting, but as they shifted in bed, they couldn't shake the feeling that something was not quite right.

They maintained a cautious gaze with partially closed eyes and restrained their actions, desperately holding onto the unfounded belief that Luca remained still to avoid disturbing him. However, Y/N was well aware that this assumption was not true; they simply refused to acknowledge it.

Y/N reached out their shaking arm and grasped Luca’s hand, closing their eyes and tightly squeezing their palm. The hand felt icy cold, causing Y/N’s own hand to tremble even more, as if the slightest movement would awaken Luca. Y/N buried their face in the curve of Luca’s neck, pressing the bridge of their nose against the cool skin. They brushed their lips against Luca’s collarbone, desperately searching for that familiar warmth. Both of Y/N’s hands tightly held onto Luca’s hand, trembling incessantly. They couldn't sense Luca’s pulse.

Y/N felt overwhelming devastation at that moment. It was an indescribable sensation that they couldn't put into words even if they tried for a million years. It pressed on them, with the potential to completely destroy them internally. The agony etched itself into their very being, making it difficult for them to express themself and leaving them unable to comprehend language.

Y/N’s throat emitted a pitiful sob.

They made a desperate attempt to control their emotions, striving to maintain composure, but they acknowledged their lack of strength to deceive others. Upon the release of their second sob, they sensed their emotions spiraling out of control. Concealing their distress was futile; they were completely overwhelmed.

With every cry that was forced out of them, their body convulsed, hunching over to draw themself nearer. They pressed their face against the lifeless neck of the body, right below the jaw, inhaling what little remained of Luca.

They had numerous plans and thoughts to share with him, but once the moment arrived, they all disappeared. Y/N desired to shout, yet they couldn't find their voice. Not even a single sentence could escape their anguish.

They positioned themself next to Luca, grasping onto him with the remaining ounce of their energy. Instead of seeking help from the hospital staff - the nurses, doctors, or anyone else - they made the conscious decision to stay down. They were fully aware that if they discovered the truth, they would separate Luca from them.

They decided to remain where they were, clutching onto Luca, cherishing his presence for the final time before losing sight of him forever.

“I love you, Luca.”

#luca kaneshiro #ike eveland #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #mysta rias #vox akuma #nijisanji en #luca kaneshiro x reader #ike eveland x reader #nijisanji angst #angst #nijisanji x reader #send help #in another life

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angelsparkls · 1 year

Text

all my favorite fics that no one asked for:

* = my absolute favorites

multiple ship fics:

All in the Cards (series)* - (haikyuu) MY FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME! although lengthy it is such a good read and has a lot of popular ships! the au is such a cool concept and the plot and characters are thought out so well it’s amazing and should definitely check it out

The Crystal Miracles - (kuroko no basket) based off steven universe but coming from someone who has never watched steven universe the fic was not super dependent on it and was just based around the plot of steven universe (apparently i talked about with my friend who actually watched steven universe) i thought it was cool so definitely recommend! also a bit lengthy but worth it

friends, worlds apart - (haikyuu) it’s mainly bokuaka but there’s other ships so i decided to put this fic here. tbh i don’t remember it too well but i do know it well enough to know that it was really good! it’s a pretty long hogwarts au fic and is based off basic plot points from harry potter but it’s not too similar imo so overall a good read!

Haikyuu:

Death Threats & Wine Bottles - (semishira) domestic semishira. that’s all. it’s cute. there’s nothing to not like about it.

Saltwater Room - (kuroken) i think i read this because of a recommendation and man it was funny. i enjoyed all the fun little bits of kenma and hinata just being friends but also the more serious angsty parts and having the whole conflict with kuroo and kenma’s dream. *sigh* it’s good but lengthy. worth it in my opinion but i like long fics so maybe not your cup of tea

When I Fall In Love - (semishira) i can’t really remember this fic since i read it a long time ago but i do remember liking it! the band au/pianist au concept was cool seeing it with semishira and they are so supportive of each other after they get over their annoyance! it’s not as long as the other long fics i’ve recommended but definitely give it a shot!

Cover My Thoughts In Gold - (bokuaka) some classic soulmate au because they are soulmates so why not have a fic that has them be confirmed soulmates

True Ending - (kuroken) marriage proposal in the best and cutest way possible and one that perfectly fits them 🥺

Cat’s Out of the Bag - (kuroken) it’s just some cute little scenes of kenma as a shapeshifter and kuroo not knowing. it’s quick but so so cute how they interact

Maybe, Probably - (sakuatsu) cute hogwarts au of slytherin atsumu and ravenclaw sakusa. yeah that’s basically it

Rose Gold - (semishira) ROYALTY AU SEMISHIRA AAAAAAA definitely one of my favorite considering that I actually never see a royalty au centered around them

Vibrant - (semishira) im a sucker for soulmate aus but this soulmate au especially was such a cute concept!

A Musical World Thanks To You - (semishira) soulmate au fic but you can hear songs that your soulmate is listening to! it really is such a good concept with semi asking shirabu to be in the talent show with him and perform a song and yk yk big build up to the moment hehe

Dog visits - (kyouhaba) the classic “oh he’s different than i thought what do i do now” and yahaba being soft with kyoutani’s dog is everything and kyoutani not knowing how to deal with yahaba barging into his life 😍

be my honeybee - (kyouhaba) tw: implied/referenced child ab/se if you aren’t comfortable with that please don’t read <3 but it is a good fic and addresses real issues especially with kyoutani not really having anyone to help him until yahaba came around. it’s a bit long and made me cry a little so that’s why it’s good

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back - (kyouhaba) everyone has superpower abilities!! i always love aus like this so it’s not a surprise it’s one of my favorites. it also touches on mental health in the form of kyoutani doing too much for people when he doesn’t need to and always sacrificing himself for others even when it makes him unhappy. it’s so good tho if you ever decide to read it because it is a bit long

rewrite the stars - (kuroken) arranged marriage au where kenma and kageyama are going to get married but by the end they realize that they are marrying the wrong people and its so cute seeing kenma come to that realization

Kuroko No Basket:

The Frog in the Well - (midotaka) it has been a while since i read this fic but i do remember laughing about this and just thinking it was overall cute especially with the whole aspect of being a loose retelling of “The Frog-King” and i know two other people who also read this and thought it was cute so there’s that

The Witch in the Tower - (murahimu) this is from the same series and author as the previous knb fic i recommended because this fic is also based around a fairy tale and i found this really cute because they are kinda domestic in this fic since there’s just an adopted child in a tower… anyway

Feels Like Winning - (murahimu) just some soulmate au for them because murasakibara not knowing how to deal with feelings <3

Only with You - (kikasa) a cute fic for this surprisingly underrated ship! it’s not too long but encompasses these idiots’ relationship in this fic perfectly

Claws and paws - (murahimu) this shapeshifter au is so cute because like height difference 😍 and also the whole idea of like himuro being this tiny cat compared for murasakibara is funny to me. it’s kind of long but i enjoyed it!

Other Fandoms:

Boy Problems - (mirio togata x tamaki amajiki) an OG for me it’s actually one of my first bookmarks and it’s a cute little oneshot that reminds me how oblivious and stupid these idiots are

the blind leading the blind - (childe x zhongli) it’s not really focused on relationship but it really touches on the betrayal that childe feels after realizing that zhongli gave his gnosis to signora behind his back and i think this fic is so very cool for creating that scenario and executed it perfectly!

kintsugi - (teru minamoto x akane aoi) oh lord. oh god. this fic actually kinda broke me. it’s a very bittersweet fic that makes me go OMG YAY and then oh oh oh oh /neg but it does end happily. at what cost tho. it’s so so so good tho definitely recommend. a little lengthy but not too bad

Look At Me Like That - (momotarou mikoshiba x aiichirou nitori) THIS FIC SUMS UP THIS SHIP PERFECTLY! ITS SO GOOD! like the whole thingg of ai having unrequited feelings for rin but is now in love with this idiot momo is exactly how i see their relationship and having that tied up in this one fic.

#fanfic recommendation #haikyuu!!#kuroken #bokuaka #semishira #sakuatsu #kyouhaba #kuroko no basket #midotaka #murahimu #kikasa #miritama #zhongchi #terukane #momoai #original posts

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pearlsephoni · 9 months

Text

Just Between Us

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: E

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata), mentions of Bokuaka (Bokuto/Akaashi) and Iwaoi (Iwaizumi/Oikawa)

Characters: Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama, Atsumu Miya, Kotaro Bokuto, cameos from Korai Hoshiumi, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Aran Ojiro, Tooru Oikawa, and Hajime Iwaizumi

Word Count: 12.5k

Summary: Hinata Shoyo has fulfilled his greatest dreams: reach the top of the volleyball world with Kageyama Tobio, and be loved by Kageyama Tobio. One is very public, while the other is hidden only for each other and their closest loved ones. A risk gone wrong threatens to change that.

A/N: Originally published on AO3 on June 24th for @/Lmc_thph this year's Kagehina Exchange, and beta'd by @/danatooine. Further author's notes can be found on AO3.

***

“God damn, Tobio-kun!”

Shoyo’s shoulders shot up with Kageyama’s, even though his name wasn’t called. When he looked around, he immediately saw the cause for Atsumu’s loud surprise, and his heart sank.

The broad, defined, beautiful expanse of Kageyama’s back was marred by red lines, a set of four on each of his shoulder blades like wings.

There was a burst of shuffling and murmuring as other members of the National Team tried to get a look at Kageyama’s back. To Shoyo’s relief, the setter had already tugged his practice jersey on, covering up the implicating marks.

“Didn’t think ya had it in ya!” Atsumu cooed with a shit-eating grin. “Who’s the lucky lady? Or— hold on, you’re gay, right?”

“Please stop talking, Atsumu-san,” Kageyama muttered. Atsumu did not look like he was going to listen, but Kageyama was saved by Ushijima clapping his hands and urging the lingering team members to get out to the court already.

Shoyo didn’t look away from Kageyama fast enough to avoid meeting his eyes for the briefest breath, and he felt a jolt up his spine at the stormy anger in that blue gaze.

Oh, he was fucked.

***

“Fuck me.”

Shoyo pulled away to stare wide-eyed at Kageyama. “Really? But your team won the 3-on-3’s.”

“Yeah, so I get to choose. Fuck me.”

Oh. Huh. Shoyo was straddling Kageyama’s hips, fully prepared to stretch himself out and seat himself on his thick length. That was how it usually went when Kageyama won a game, and Shoyo had nearly gotten them exposed to the team. Honestly, he’d been kind of…looking forward to what kind of punishment Kageyama was going to dole out.

Not that he was going to complain. He eagerly scrambled to climb off of Kageyama’s hips and in between his legs, grabbing the bottle of lube on the journey. “What’s the occasion?” he asked as he slicked up his fingers.

“Do I need an occasion for you to fuck me?” Kageyama grumbled.

“Mm-hm! Maybe you remembered how much you love me, or how good I played earlier, or how I fuck you better than— wah!” His clean hand just barely caught Kageyama’s foot before it could collide with his face.

“Are you going to fuck me, or not?”

“Patience, Bossy-yama,” Shoyo cooed, brushing a light kiss to the inside of Kageyama’s ankle. He heard a quiet, sharp inhale, and he smirked into Kageyama’s soft skin before brushing another kiss to his ankle, then the inside of his knee, then tracing a path along the inside of his thigh.

With every brush of his lips, Kageyama’s breaths quickened, until his lips hovered over the hard curve of Kageyama’s cock. His tongue darted out to lick at his flushed cockhead, and that finally dragged a hoarse “Sho…” from Kageyama’s wet lips.

“Hm?” Shoyo hummed, looking up with wide, innocent eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Kageyama was flushed with heavy-lidded eyes, but he still scowled down at Shoyo with stubbornly closed lips. Shoyo didn’t mind—he knew how to break him. “Gotta use your words, To-bi-o,” he sang, brushing a kiss along his cock with every syllable of his name.

“I already did,” Kageyama bit out. He wrapped a leg around Shoyo’s waist, dragging his foot up until it pressed into the small of his back. “Fuck me.”

“Bossy,” Shoyo tutted. Without warning, he sank a finger into Kageyama, smirking when his foot immediately dropped from his back and went limp on the bed, matching the way his head fell back with a low moan.

He loved fucking Kageyama, loved feeling him wrapped tight and warm around him, but he especially loved watching him unravel like this. It was one thing to watch him grit his teeth and furrow his brows with concentration as he pounded Shoyo into oblivion, that concentration breaking only when Shoyo clenched tight around him. It was another thing entirely to melt him down from the inside out.

One finger became two, then became three, all crooked perfectly and pressing just enough to pull another cry from Kageyama. “Fuck, Sho—!”

“I know,” Shoyo hushed, leaning up to ghost a kiss against Kageyama’s wet, parted lips.

“I’m ready,” Kageyama groaned. “I’m ready, c’mon, just— mmh!”

“Okay, okay!” A fond huff of laughter escaped him as he reached for the lube. “Condom?”

“No.” Sweat-damp strands of black hair clung to the pillow as Kageyama shook his head, unable to even lift it.

“Really?” The word came out as more of a moan than a question, Shoyo’s concentration nearly escaping him at the slick grip of his own hand around his throbbing cock. He was almost dizzy from how badly he wanted to pump himself fast and hard, but he held himself back, letting the wet, filthy sounds of his strokes reach both his and Kageyama’s ears. Those dark blue eyes widened for a beat, before growing heavy with desire again.

“No condom?” Shoyo murmured, leaning down just enough to bump their noses together. “You want me to fill you up? You want to spill with me? What if you can’t get it all out and it leaks tomorrow?” Anyone else might have looked mortified at the thought, but not Kageyama. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip, biting back another moan. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Want everyone to know their best setter is a slut who gets filled up after practice?”

“M’not—” Kageyama’s protest trailed off into a shuddered breath of anticipation, distracted by Shoyo lining his tip up with his stretched rim.

“I know,” Shoyo hummed with a smirk. “You don’t spread your legs for just anyone, right? The only one allowed here”—he began pushing in, watching Kageyama wilt against the bed—“is me.”

“Only you,” Kageyama breathlessly agreed, wrapping his legs around Shoyo’s hips. “C’mon, Sho, fill me up.”

“Fuck.” That was all Shoyo could manage, all his focus narrowed on slowly pushing in, bit by bit, soaking in the sound of Kageyama’s bit-back moans and the sight of his heaving, flushed chest, until their hips finally met. “Good?”

“Wait,” Kageyama gasped, eyes screwed tight from the stretch.

This was one of the only situations where Shoyo was happy to wait. He trailed kisses and lightly sucked at Kageyama’s collarbones as the setter adjusted, pulling away just to watch his bites bloom like roses against his pale skin. Normally, this was the only time he could mark Kageyama up without getting yelled at, his nags replaced with shuddering sighs from the stretch.

But instead of melting more, Kageyama seemed to become unnervingly alert, eyes fluttering up to look down at Shoyo and lips curving down around his deep breaths. When he finally said, “I’m ready,” his voice came out more as a grunt than a sigh.

Shoyo obeyed, but not without asking, “Is something wrong?”

“What?”

“You look grumpier than usual.” Truthfully, Kageyama rarely looked grumpy at all in bed, but Shoyo wasn’t going to pass up a chance to tease him.

“Maybe because a dumbass nearly had us found out today,” Kageyama snapped. Despite his grumpy words, his legs tightened around Shoyo’s hips, urging him to move.

“You like when I mark you up!”

“Yeah, in places people won’t notice! Not—ah!—scratches the whole locker room sees!”

“Who asked you to—nngh—change in the middle of the locker room?”

“Who asked you to scratch up my whole back?”

“Didn’t hear you complain last night!”

“You little—mmh!”

Shoyo dipped down and cut him off with a kiss, his hips speeding up with every bite and lick. Driving into Kageyama with nothing between them was sublime. It never failed to drive Shoyo’s greed and want higher and higher with every thrust—

“Aahhh, the hell—?!” Shoyo arched away from the nails digging into his back, scratching sharp lines down his skin and making a mixture of pain and pleasure spark through him. His hips stuttered before driving in even deeper than before, pulling a whine from Kageyama. “Ow, Tobi!”

Shoyo’s heart skipped a beat at Kageyama’s smirk. How could someone look so annoying and so hot? “Oops.”

“You were just nagging me about that!”

“I wasn’t nagging— ah, fuck, there!”

Shoyo pushed himself upright until his hands were free to clutch at Kageyama’s hips, holding him in place so he could thrust fast and deep and hard into his prostate. The pressure would’ve been too much for Shoyo, but it was perfect for Kageyama, unraveling him until he was reduced to wordless gasps and moans.

“Good, Yama?”

“Ah, ahhhh, Sho, fuck!”

“That a yes?”

“Fuck off, you know— fuck!”

Shoyo felt spellbound, watching Kageyama like this: flushed, sweaty, black hair a mess, eyes half-lidded and dazed, lips kiss-swollen and parted around helpless noises. A grin pulled at his lips when those noises grew higher and almost-panicked. That was Shoyo’s cue to wrap his hand, still slippery with traces of lube, around Kageyama’s cock. He only needed one tug to make Kageyama cry out, “Yes!” That normally-gruff voice was ragged and whining, adorned with slutty moans that Shoyo knew only he would get to hear.

“Close, Tobi?”

“Yeah, fuck, Sho—”

“C’mon, baby, come for me.” Shoyo dipped down to brush his lips over the marks he’d sucked into Kageyama’s collarbones. “I wanna feel you go all tight around me.”

He punctuated the sentence with an extra squeeze to Kageyama’s cock. That was all he needed—with a cry, Kageyama arched off of the bed as white spurted across his abs and down Shoyo’s hand. His walls rippled around Shoyo, sucking him in deeper and tighter until he had no choice but to fall over the edge behind him. “Nnh, Tobio,” he groaned, grinding in until he finally emptied himself.

His cum was already seeping out around his softening length, and when he pulled out, he could barely grab a towel in time to stem the small stream that began to leak. “Wow, I filled you up,” he laughed breathlessly.

Kageyama didn’t respond beyond a low groan until Shoyo finished wiping him as clean as he could. The moment the towel left his skin, he planted a foot on Shoyo’s stomach and gently nudged him away, wincing at the movement in his leg. “Ow,” he grunted, weakly rubbing at the underside of his thigh. “The hell did you do?”

“Gave you the best fuck of your life?” Shoyo answered sweetly, until his eyes looked at where Kageyama was rubbing. “...Oh, fuck.”

“What? What’d you do?”

“Um…” There were deep red marks right where Shoyo could remember his hips driving in. He knew he fucked Kageyama hard, but he didn’t mean to bruise him. “You…might have more marks tomorrow.”

“How?” Kageyama snapped, looking much more alert from his post-orgasm daze.

“What do you mean, how?” Shoyo snapped back. “I fucked you! It’s not my fault you bruise like a peach!”

“It’s not my fault you have such bony hips!”

“Yeah right, like you weren’t groping all over them last night!”

“God, shut up,” Kageyama growled, grabbing Shoyo around the back of his neck and pulling him into a hungry, angry kiss. Shoyo went easily, more than happy to let Kageyama flip him over and part his legs.

It looked like he was going to get that punishment after all.

***

Shoyo loved playing volleyball. He loved playing it indoors and on the beach, in Japan and in Brazil, in casual games and in international championships.

But nothing, nothing, could measure up to standing on the court with Kageyama. It didn’t matter if they were on the same team or staring at each other through the net—Shoyo felt alive playing with Kageyama in a way no other team or player had ever made him feel.

Yes, he loved playing against Kageyama as much as on the same team, but the perk of being on the National Team together was training in the same city, in the same gym. When the best of Japan’s volleyball players were gathered in Tokyo, barely a night passed where Shoyo wasn’t with Kageyama.

The only problem was, the rest of the team didn’t know they were dating. Never mind that they were as good as engaged, only missing a ring. With how public everything else about their lives was, it was almost a relief to have something so intimate, so sweet, so comfortable be kept private, just for the two of them and their closest loved ones.

So, they had a system: Shoyo rented an apartment in the same building as Kageyama’s, so that it wouldn’t seem suspicious for them to be leaving together in the morning. They staggered their returns home, and Shoyo made sure to have his hair hidden under a cap when he stayed over at Kageyama’s place. They kept up their usual bickering, teasing, comfortable rapport at practice and during games, but anything more than brushed hands or “sportly” hugs were saved until they were behind closed doors.

But they weren’t perfect. They had their close calls, their stolen kisses in deserted halls and their ill-placed marks. Shoyo especially liked to live on the edge with the marks and hickeys he left on Kageyama. Yeah, he was much more disciplined now than he had been in high school, and that included thinking through his choices more.

Man, did he like to tease the limits when it came to Kageyama. Not too much, of course. They’d managed to avoid scrutiny for the most part. The instance with Atsumu was an isolated incident, nothing more. When Shoyo woke up the next morning to find scratches down his back, hickeys along his collarbones and the hollow of his throat, and bruises pressed into his thighs and hips, he wasn’t that alarmed. Sure, some would be trickier to properly hide, but even if some showed, it’d be fine. It wasn’t like any of them would be photographed or otherwise immortalized.

Then they walked into the gym, and were faced by their coach and two photographers lingering at his elbow. “Ah, Hinata, Kageyama, welcome!” their coach greeted them.

“Hey, Coach.” Shoyo answered for himself and Kageyama. “Who’re, um…”

“Ah, them?” Their coach threw a careless glance over his shoulder. “I’ll go into more detail when the rest of the team gets here, but basically: the Olympics committee wanted to build up some hype for the upcoming games, so they’re sending photographers to get shots of all of Japan’s national teams in action.”

Shoyo’s stomach dropped. “...Photos?”

“Yeah?” Shoyo squirmed under their coach’s raised brow. “Is there a problem?”

“N-no! Not at all, just…” Shoyo slapped on an attempt at his usual charismatic smile. “I forgot to double-check my good side, Coach!”

“Oh, ha ha. Go change and warm up.”

Kageyama had stayed silent through the exchange, and managed to hold himself together until they were alone in the locker room. “What the fuck?!” he hissed.

“What?!”

“What do you mean, what? We’re getting photographed, dumbass! For the whole country to see! Shit, maybe the whole world, oh, fuck me—”

“Already did,” Shoyo joked automatically, only for his words to crack into a yelp when Kageyama sank his fingers into his hair.

“Shut up! Look what you did!” With his free hand, Kageyama jerked aside his collar, and Shoyo winced at what was revealed: clusters of now-purpling bruises lined his collarbones and reached the precise line where the collar of his shirt landed. “The second I raise my arms to set and lower them again, everyone will see these! Including the photographers.”

Shoyo winced, not even bothering to squirm when Kageyama yanked his collar aside to look at the damage he’d created. He watched that handsome face go pale, and felt his stomach grow leaden with dread. “What…what do we do?”

“What can we do?” Kageyama grumbled. “We’ll just have to hope we play well enough to distract people from…anything else.”

He began pulling away, but Shoyo caught his hand and, after making sure they were alone in the locker room, chanced a brush to his palm. “I’m sorry, Tobi. I didn’t know—”

“Dumbass, don’t apologize. I went overboard, too.” Kageyama brushed his thumb across the back of Shoyo’s hand before finally pulling away. “Come on. We gotta warm up.”

Predictably, but thankfully, practice ended up being exactly what they needed to distract themselves. Even if it was less of a proper practice and more of an impromptu publicity photoshoot. Shoyo didn’t mind, not when the very photographers they’d feared ended up directing him and Kageyama to carry out both freak and regular quick attacks. Yes, there was a special thrill that came from landing the freak quick during an actual match. But when Shoyo whirled towards Kageyama for a celebratory high five, and his smile was met by a grin of pride and quiet adoration, the rush of love he felt still filled him with warmth and happiness separate from the court.

“Wow, Kageyama, how come we never see that smile in your ads?” Hoshiumi chuckled from the sidelines after the fifth quick for the cameras.

Kageyama’s cheeks flushed a pretty pink that was different from the usual ruddiness of exercise. “It’s…it’s because I’m never playing in those ads.”

“You play in the Power Curry ads,” Ushijima remarked, not to tease, just to state a fact. “But you never smile in those.”

“Because I’m focusing.”

“So you’re not focused when you toss to me?” Shoyo gasped, eager to join the group teasing. “Are you distracted with your precious freak attack partner, Yama-kun?”

“My what?” Any and all signs of embarrassment were sapped by annoyance as Kageyama shot a hand towards Shoyo’s head. He missed, as usual, because Shoyo expected it, as usual. “I’m not distracted, dumbass, just…” The truth was clear in his eyes, but stalled on his tongue, leaving him stumped and not a little panicked.

“You’re happy playing with Hinata-kun!” Bokuto oh-so-helpfully piped with a bright smile. “I get it, man, I felt the same way playing with Keiji! His tosses were always the best!”

“Bokkun, ya wound me so.”

“Aw, that’s not what I meant—”

Bokuto’s interruption was both the best and worst thing that could’ve happened. Kageyama looked like he might pass out from their partnership being loudly compared to what Bokuto had with his husband, and Shoyo, for his part, felt like he would get whiplash from how quickly he looked at the photographers to see if they’d connected any dreaded dots.

To his relief, they looked too busy snapping photos of the entire interaction, with the team lead looking delighted by all the shots of the team’s natural rapport. “I’ve photographed a lot of teams over the past few weeks,” he laughed to their coach, “and these guys are definitely the most close-knit bunch we’ve seen. What’s your secret, Coach?”

“No secret here. Just the team’s history with each other. It’s not often you have an Olympic team that played with and against each other in high school.”

“It definitely makes a difference.”

The photography team lead didn’t make any other comments after that, but for the rest of the practice, Shoyo couldn’t shake the distinct feeling that he was being watched.

***

Shoyo loved the National Team. He really did. If he could tell his high school self that he’d be playing on a team with Ushijima, Bokuto, Hoshiumi, Ojiro, and Atsumu, on top of all the other great players he’d admired, he was sure he would’ve seen his 16-year-old brain implode.

Yes, he loved this team. But sometimes…sometimes they got the worst ideas, and decided to make it the rest of the team’s problem.

Exhibit A: they had just finished their final practice before the few days they got to have as a break before they moved into the Olympic Village and began preparations for the opening ceremony. Instead of going home and getting a good night’s rest to let their bodies recover from practice, they were now sitting in an izakaya sharing enough beers and snacks to send the workers into a bit of a panic.

All thanks to Atsumu and Hoshiumi.

Shoyo wouldn’t have minded—he’d managed to build up a bit more of a tolerance in Rio, though he usually didn’t have more than a beer at a time once he’d joined the V.League. Kageyama, on the other hand…

“Yama, sit up,” Shoyo hissed, trying to fit his hands under Kageyama’s ribs to push him away. It didn’t work: Kageyama lifted an inch or two from Shoyo’s push…and fell right back over his shoulders. It was all Shoyo could do to not tip over from the extra weight.

“Alright there, Hinata?”

Shoyo looked up to see Ojiro watching him from across the table, brows raised over curious gray eyes. “Ah, yeah! I just…always forget what a lightweight Yama is.”

He punctuated his words with a poke at Kageyama’s side. Somehow, that worked to get him to sit up better than his shove. Annoyance pricked at him, but was quickly swept away by fond exasperation when Kageyama jerked upright, frowned into his almost-empty beer mug, and dully mumbled, “...Ow.”

“Hey, man,” Ojiro started, sounding like he was making a valiant attempt to hold back his laughter, “how much have you had to drink?”

Kageyama blinked slowly at Ojiro, visibly processing the question before silently raising three fingers. “M’not drunk,” he managed to mumble, “just…tipsy.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. How much more are you going to drink?”

Kageyama shrugged.

“You get one more beer,” Shoyo answered instead, raising a single, stubborn finger up to Kageyama’s face and grinning when his boyfriend nearly went cross-eyed trying to look at it. “One more! And that’s it!”

“Dumbass, you’re not my mom,” Kageyama grumbled, pushing away his finger with a frown that Shoyo easily recognized as his embarrassed grimace.

Shoyo, for his part, allowed himself to add one more shot to his tally of one beer and two shots. He was good about slowly nursing his beer, but he could never put up a good fight when Bokuto and Atsumu offered him shots of shochu. By the time the team finally cleared out of the izakaya, a flush was warming his face and he was laughing a little louder than usual. Kageyama, on the other hand, had gone basically silent, and was swaying like a tree in a non-existent breeze.

Loud laughter echoed in the night air when Atsumu pulled Shoyo into a hug, covering his quiet, “Sure you’ll be okay getting him back?”

“Yes, Tsumu-san,” Shoyo laughed with a reassuring pat on his back. “This isn’t my first time dealing with him drunk.”

“You’ll have to tell me that story later,” Atsumu chuckled before pulling away. “Be careful, Tobio-kun!” he said, whacking Kageyama on the shoulder and grinning when his fellow setter stumbled from the force. “I’ll never forgive ya if you squish my favorite spiker!”

Kageyama finally looked halfway alert when he frowned at Atsumu and grumbled, “He’s my spiker.” The quiet words were quickly overwhelmed by Bokuto and Hoshiumi’s affronted gasps at Atsumu’s declaration, but Shoyo heard him loud and clear, grinning wide as Kageyama dodged his gaze with scarlet ears.

He waited for the rest of the team to disperse before whispering, “Can you walk?”

“Yeah!” Kageyama answered a little too loudly. “Of course I can!”

They made it all of four blocks before Shoyo threw up his hands. “Alright, that’s it!” He crouched in front of Kageyama. “Climb on.”

He didn’t need to look over his shoulder to know his boyfriend was blinking down at him with a confused frown. “...What?”

“Climb on! I’ll piggyback you home.”

“Dumbass, you can’t carry me!”

“Yes, I can! Come on!”

“I’m gonna squish you!”

“Then squish me! At least we can get home faster!”

“M’not that slow.”

Shoyo scowled at the sidewalk when his back remained weight-free. “What’s wrong, Yama?” he suddenly cooed, inspiration striking just in time. “Scared I’ll carry you further than you can carry me?”

“M’not scared!”

“Then prove it!”

For a moment, all he heard was inscrutable mumbling. Then, all at once, the weight of a soon-to-be two-time Olympic athlete fell onto his back. Compared to his slouchy weight in the izakaya, Kageyama now felt like the weight of the world falling onto Atlas’s shoulders. Or, well, Shoyo’s.

“Woah, Tobi, the hell!”

“What?! You said get on!”

“Yeah, like a human, not like a sack of rice! Nearly broke my knees.”

“Whiny dumbass.” The mutter accompanied a shifting of Kageyama’s weight on his back, and Shoyo quickly tightened his hold around his thighs before he could try to stand back up. “Lemme go.”

“Nope!” With that, Shoyo began the slow, painstaking process of getting to his feet under more than twice his usual weight. “Why’re you so heavy?!”

“Lemme go or quit whining.”

“I can carry you and whine at the same time, Drunk-yama,” Shoyo snorted. Naturally, out of everything that night, bickering was when Kageyama sounded more sober than he had all evening. “Just don’t puke on me.”

“That’s a good idea.”

“Tobio!”

Unflattering snorts practically echoed in Shoyo’s left ear as a chin hooked over his shoulder. He didn’t flinch, not wanting to make Kageyama straighten up. Despite his aching body, he couldn’t help smiling at the brush of Kageyama’s nose at his cheek and his breaths ruffling his hair.

Somehow, through a sheer stubborn need to prove himself and the soft love spreading through him at Kageyama’s sleepy, drunken, snuffling breaths, Shoyo managed to reach the front stairs to their apartment building. He stared at the four measly steps up, felt the burning shake of his legs, and grunted, “Yama, get down.”

Nothing.

“Tobio!” Shoyo gathered every last bit of his strength to bounce the setter. “On your feet, c’mon!”

He heard a snort, a confused grumble, then, blessedly, all that Olympic weight slid off his back. His legs shuddered beneath him, longing to give out and let him crumple to the ground, but first: “Alright, let’s go inside.”

“No.”

Shoyo’s step forward was cut short by Kageyama tugging back on his hand. “What do you mean, no?”

“Kiss me first.”

Shoyo turned and gaped at his boyfriend, who frowned at him with a furrow to his brow that would have been frightening to anyone else, but that Shoyo recognized as being the equivalent to a childish pout. “Why?! We’re still outside!”

“Don’t care.” Kageyama took one unsteady step forward and rested his forehead on Shoyo’s. “R’you…mad at me? F’r getting drunk?”

“What? No! When have I gotten mad at you for something like that?”

“Then kiss me.”

“Tobiiiiii. What if someone sees us?”

“Say it’s my fault. M’drunk.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

Kageyama just grunted and nudged his nose against Shoyo’s. The pressure was just ticklish enough to make Shoyo break into a soft giggle. “If I kiss you, will you go inside?”

“Mm.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine. Kiss me.”

There was a beat, then Kageyama pulled away to pin Shoyo under a confused pout. “Wha?”

“I already hauled your drunk ass home! You gotta at least work for the kiss!”

Those sweet pink lips twisted, but Kageyama couldn’t argue. So he cupped Shoyo’s face in big, clumsy hands, and haphazardly teetered forward until their lips bumped each other. It reminded Shoyo of their first awkward, mismatched kiss, and when he helped fit their lips together, his were stretched into a grin.

“Quit smiling,” Kageyama mumbled into the kiss.

“I can’t! You’re too cute!”

Kageyama grumbled, but he didn’t nip at Shoyo’s lips nor try to kiss him again. He just let his head fall forward onto Shoyo’s shoulder. “Dumbass.”

“Uh-huh. Dumbass that got you home! C’mon.” Shoyo manhandled Kageyama’s arm around his shoulders and began leading him inside.

“Sho.”

“What?” Shoyo didn’t bother holding back his laughter. It wasn’t like Kageyama would remember it enough to be upset by it.

“Shtop…stop laughiiiiing.” Kageyama somehow slumped even more onto Shoyo’s shoulders. Shoyo was strong, of course he was, he couldn’t be a professional athlete if he wasn’t. But even he had his limits, and walking while carrying most of the weight of his co-athlete, very drunk, very off-balance boyfriend was threatening to step over that line.

“God, I love you so much, you lightweight idiot,” Shoyo sighed. “Are you sure you only had beer? Did Atsumu-san sneak you a shot?”

“No! No liquor! Only beer!”

“You’re like this after four beers? How did you survive Italy?!”

“They’re not…alcolics…like”—he stumbled over the edge of the elevator, and Shoyo barely managed to keep him on his feet—“like bajilics.”

“Like what?”

“Bajilics,” Kageyama repeated, sounding more certain and like he thought Shoyo was an idiot for not understanding.

“...Oh my god, do you mean Brazilians?”

“S’what I said.”

“Of course, so sorry.”

Kageyama grunted, lapsing into silence as he squished his cheek against Shoyo’s hair. “...Sho.”

This time Shoyo took care to choke back his laugh. Somehow, in the space between the izakaya and their building, the last bit of alcohol had been soaked up by Kageyama’s body and made him cross the line between sleepy silence and drunken chatter. He was only ever like this when drunk and alone with Shoyo, which wasn’t often. Truthfully, Shoyo still wasn’t used to it. “Yes, Yama?”

“I think…I drank too much.”

“Really?” Shoyo gasped. “Where’d you get an idea like that?”

He swore he could feel Kageyama’s frown pressed to his hair. “Shut up.” There was a deep sigh, a beat of silence, and then a mumbled, “Smell good.”

“What does?”

“You, dumbass.”

His cheeks grew warm. “Trying to seduce me, Tobi?”

“No,” Kageyama snorted. “If I wanted to seduce you, I’d just suck your—”

Ding!

The elevator chimed just as Shoyo slapped a hand over Kageyama’s mouth. “God, Yama, public!!”

He could feel Kageyama smile against his palm. It was the only warning he got before he was jerking his hand back from a wide lick. “Gross!”

“Gotcha,” Kageyama mumbled, immediately falling back over Shoyo’s shoulders. “M’tired.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get you home.”

In hindsight, Shoyo wasn’t sure how he did it. He got Kageyama home, managed to get him to wash up as well as he could and have a bite to eat with a glass of water, then got him tucked into bed. It was hard, and annoying, and more than once Shoyo wanted to squish his cheeks until some sense was forced back into his head.

But then he looked down at Kageyama, at his sleepy blue eyes peering over his covers, and he thought his heart might burst from all the love pressing at its walls. “Good night, Tobio,” he murmured, dipping down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll check on you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

He straightened up, ready to leave for his own apartment…only to be brought up short by strong fingers in his sleeve. “Stay.” The word was muffled, filtering through the thick covers obscuring Kageyama’s face.

“Tobio?”

“Stay with me. Then you…c’n check easier.”

Yeah, Shoyo’s heart was definitely going to burst by morning. “Uwah,” he gushed, letting a smitten smile pull at his lips. “You get really smart when you’re drunk!”

The fingers in his hoodie slipped away to the sound of a halfhearted growl. “Never mind. Go away.”

“Nope!”

Shoyo washed up and crawled into bed in record time, but he still couldn’t make it before Kageyama had dozed off. “You okay, Tobi?” he whispered, just in case.

“Mm.” Kageyama turned towards him and burrowed into his chest, silky black strands tickling at his chin. Strong arms wrapped tight around him, essentially locking Shoyo into bed.

“Good night,” he murmured again, laughter coloring his words.

“Mmf.”

“Love you, Tobi.”

He didn’t get an answer. But he did hear a content sigh, then the softest, snuffling little snores he ever did hear. When he fell asleep, it was with his nose buried into Kageyama’s hair and his arms holding him close like a teddy bear, the warmest, strongest, snuggliest teddy bear in the world.

And all his. Just his.

***

Shoyo was already used to being the first one up when they were both sober, so he wasn’t surprised to wake up and find Kageyama still asleep with a furrow in his brow the next morning. He was surprised to still be wrapped so tightly in his arms—usually they drifted apart at some point in the night, keeping at least a hand or arm on top of each other like an anchor. He wasn’t sure how to untangle himself without waking Kageyama up.

So, he didn’t.

“Yama,” he whispered.

“Mm.”

“Tobioooooo.”

“Mmfwhat?”

“Wake up.”

To his surprise, Kageyama actually obeyed, extracting his face from Shoyo’s chest and slowly blinking his eyes open…and immediately burrowing back in with a groan. “Too bright.”

“It’s not too bright,” Shoyo laughed. “You’re just hungover.”

“‘N you’re too loud.”

“Sorryyyy.” Shoyo lowered his voice to an exaggerated whisper. “Is this better?”

“You’re teasing me.”

“Am I?”

Kageyama pulled away again, this time to narrow his eyes at Shoyo. “...Dumbass.”

“Be nice to me, or I won’t make breakfast.”

Kageyama groaned and rolled away, stuffing his face into his pillow. “Don’t wanna eat. What if I throw it up?”

“I’ll bring you some water, Your Highness, then you should be okay to eat,” Shoyo snorted as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

A foot suddenly planted itself in the small of his back and pushed him off the bed with a firm shove, forcing him to stumble to his feet. “Hey!”

“Go make breakfast.”

“Jerk,” Shoyo muttered under his breath. He pulled his phone from its charger and shuffled to the kitchen, putting the kettle on to boil while he checked his notifications.

That’s when he saw it.

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 hey man, bokkun and i kinda…followed u n tobio last night just to make sure u were actually okay to carry him! and…we saw this [photo attached]

Shoyo’s stomach dropped to his feet when he opened the image and squinted at it. It was blurry and taken from a distance with terrible zoom, but there was no mistaking his orange hair, and that was their apartment building, and he was definitely kissing a tall figure with dark hair and a black Olympics hoodie. “...Shit.”

They knew. Atsumu and Bokuto knew. They followed them last night and watched Shoyo kiss Kageyama to coax him over the threshold. The one time, the one time he indulged the chance to kiss in public, and this happened.

His fingers tightened around his phone. He nursed the irrational desire to squeeze it until it broke, but he didn’t have the money for a new phone. Besides, there were more texts from Atsumu to read.

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 we’re not gonna tell any1 ofc and i deleted the photo after sending it to u just wanted to let u what we saw since u 2 probs wanted to keep ur rs a secret idk y tho the team would understand bokkun already cant shut up bout akaashi-san

Shoyo’s stomach slowly rose back to its rightful place, only to curdle with guilt. The messages had Atsumu’s patent sense of showy apathy, but Shoyo knew him too well. He could read the hurt he felt over not being trusted.

Because he was right, at least a little. The team would understand. Never mind Bokuto and Akaashi’s marriage. Most of the team had known each other for years, down to each other’s sexualities and dating histories. They already knew Shoyo was bi and Kageyama was gay. Their relationship would barely clock as a surprise to any of them.

But telling a whole team, even a team they knew so well, felt so…public. So real. So close to being revealed to the whole world, especially considering they were an Olympic team. Keeping their relationship under wraps from the team had just been a habit to Shoyo and Kageyama. They had kept this secret for long enough that being up front about it never even occurred to either of them.

Now the consequences of that unspoken decision was glaring up at Shoyo from his phone.

What should he say? What could he say? Any apologies felt hollow, and as guilty as Shoyo felt for making Atsumu feel untrusted, he didn’t think of the reason as a mistake that needed complete rectification.

He stared at the messages and the photo for another few breaths before finally bringing his fingers to the screen.

From: me morning Atsumu-san! ah…I didn’t realize anyone was following us 😅 thanks for letting me know and for not sharing the photo with the rest of the team I promise keeping our relationship a secret from the team wasn’t anything personal! just...force of habit really I’m okay with you and Bokuto-san knowing and I’ll let Tobio know what happened but could you guys not tell anyone else? at least not yet?

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 hey dude, no worries, i get it but uh about not telling the rest of the team have u opened twitter today?

From: me ? no why?

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 remember those publicity photos from practice a few weeks back? they got published today and the photos of u and tobio r REAL popular rn

At any other time, that would have been good news, if only because Shoyo could enjoy Kageyama’s pleased embarrassment over so many people seeing his photos. But just then, in the context of the already-scary conversation he was having with Atsumu, Shoyo could only feel a heavy dread settle on his shoulders.

He closed out of his messages and opened Twitter. He didn’t even need to scroll. There, at the top of his timeline, was a tweet with photos of the volleyball team from the Olympic account, as well as a thread of individual photos from the JVA account. The photos of the full team made a tiny smile rise to Shoyo’s lips despite everything: out of the four in the post, two were of the team in action, and two featured them bantering during a break. Shoyo’s favorite showed him and Kageyama standing next to the bench, fresh off the court and chatting with Hoshiumi, Ushijima, and Bokuto, all of whom were seated and relaxed. Even Ushijima had a slight curve to his lips and a glint in his olive eyes.

Shoyo couldn’t linger too long on the Olympic tweet. Whatever Atsumu was referring to must have been in the individual shots from the JVA. So Shoyo scrolled through the thread, occasionally pausing to appreciate a good action shot, before he finally reached the tweet with Kageyama’s solo photos.

They weren’t all solo photos. In fact, two of them also featured Shoyo, which should have been the first sign of danger. In one of the actual solo photos, Kageyama was pulling his collar to his chin, revealing a hint of his chiseled, sweaty abs, and in the other, he was throwing the ball up to serve.

Then Shoyo swiped to the third photo. In it, he was soaring through the air, and Kageyama was floating next to him, tossing the ball into a perfect arc, right to Shoyo’s hand. He could practically feel the ghost of the ball hitting his palm to slam into the court. The fourth photo showed him jumping again, this time to slap a high five to Kageyama’s offered hands.

The tweet with his own individual photos were fairly similar: a resting shot, a solo action shot, an action shot with Kageyama, and a resting shot with Kageyama.

Sure, it might have been strange for them to be the only ones to share photos in the thread, but the world already knew them as the “freak duo.” It shouldn’t be surprising to see them featured together.

From: me idgi what’s wrong w the photos?

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 zoom in on them

Frowning, Shoyo obeyed, first zooming in on Kageyama’s solo shots. For a moment, he was distracted by the detailed close-up of his boyfriend’s perfect physique, as though he didn’t already get to enjoy it up close and personal every night.

Then he saw them.

There, just above Kageyama’s waistband, were two, barely-there bruises. Bruises that Shoyo knew were his fault.

Once he saw the first ones, he saw them everywhere. Kageyama sported bruises on above his waistband, along his collarbones, over his pulse point, and, most incriminating of all, between his thighs, right where Shoyo’s hips hit when he fucked Kageyama hard and ruthless.

Shit.

Bruises were common in volleyball. Hell, they were common in any sport, but especially in volleyball, where collisions with fast-moving balls and hard gym floors were the name of the game. But those bruises were on knees and elbows, maybe the insides of forearms or outsides of thighs. They weren’t in the most intimate places on a person, places where the only marks that could be found there were almost always made on purpose.

The bruises on Kageyama could not have been more clearly from sex. No wonder people were talking about his photos—who wouldn’t be tantalized by a glimpse at a sexy setter’s intimate life?

The bruises were a little risque, sure, but no cause for scandal. No, the problems came with the photos of Shoyo, and his bruises. Because he had them. A lot of them. They marred his arms, his throat, his thighs, and if he really squinted, he could just the slightest glimpse of the red scratches Kageyama had left on his back peeking above the collar of his jersey.

From: me oh shoot do u really think ppl will think we gave those to each other? we’re all adults! we do adult things!!

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 sho-kun buddy do u think tobio of all ppl usually gets marks like that?

From: me he better not!! >:(

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 …wrong q thats on me look tobio and i were on the vleague a few years longer than u ive had my fair share of scandals bc of marks being visible hickeys n stuff we all do even bokkun from akaashi-san but still but tobio didnt he never had a single scandal for dating or sex or anything then u joined the vleague and whaddaya know ushiwaka-kun texted omi bc he was worried about tobio being more bruised up than usual

From: me oh my god I'm so sorry!!

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 dont apologize i thought it was hilarious thats not the point the point is that you also had marks but somehow none of us really connected the dots until jnt practices started and wouldja look at that you *both* were looking like old apples w all them bruises tbh i suspected something a while ago but i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable then last night happened and…yeah

From: me …yeah shit Atsumu-san what do we do??

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 well 1st dont panic besides the team i dont think any1 noticed anything yeah the fans are losing their minds but thats just them being horny i dont think any1 will suspect u gave those 2 each other at least not 4 a while but i think coach will want u guys to figure out what 2 do if or when ppl get suspicious so just…brace urself ig we’re on ur side either way! 😤

From: me ok ok thanks Atsumu-san srsly this means a lot

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 ofc man lemme know if i can do anything else k?

From: me I will thank you! I’m gonna wake up Tobi and let him know what happened we’ll see you at practice!

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 tobi? tobi??

From: me …um don’t tell him I told you that

From: Atsumu-san!🏐🐺 nope too late u owe me this see u l8r

Despite the panic swirling through him, Shoyo couldn’t help scoffing a little at Atsumu’s messages. Sometimes, the setter still texted like he was using a number pad and not a proper keyboard. Dork.

His smile slid off his face when he opened the pictures once again. The photos that had been a sweet tribute to his partnership on the court with Kageyama now looked like terrible evidence, a perfect chance to compare their bruises and see where they could potentially fit together like puzzle pieces.

Shoyo wasn’t ashamed of his relationship with Kageyama. Quite the opposite, really: he wanted to shout and brag about their love from every rooftop of every building in Tokyo. But it was because they loved each other so much that they kept a tight lid on things. What they had was too precious, too hard-earned, to let others cast judgment on it. They already had enough of that from every other aspect of their careers and public lives.

Now, though…if they didn’t have a choice…then Shoyo would much rather reveal everything on their own terms. But that wasn’t a choice he could make on his own.

The kettle suddenly began whistling, jolting Shoyo out of his thoughts and forcing him to hurry and remove it from the stove. The damage was done—his ears were ringing from the noise, which meant he’d be getting a very grumpy companion, any moment now.

“Sho, what the hell?”

He flinched and turned to offer a grimace to Kageyama, who stood shirtless, rumpled, and adorably bleary-eyed at the entrance to the kitchen. “Sorry, I just…was distracted.”

“By what?” Kageyama was still grumpy, but when Shoyo turned towards the counter to begin making some tea, he was immediately surrounded by warm arms, with a sharp chin nestling into his shoulder.

“Um…” To his horror, Shoyo’s voice caught in his throat and his eyes burned with tears. Having Kageyama with him, a tangible reminder of what was at stake, made the threat of…of everything finally sink in.

“Sho?”

“I’m okay, just…” With their tea ready to steep, he turned in Kageyama’s arms and held him around the waist, burrowing his face into his chest. “We…we need to talk.”

“About what?”

Shoyo’s throat ached more from the wary tone of Kageyama’s words. “Something…something happened.”

***

They arrived at practice early, and their coach took all of one look at them before sighing with a small, sad, understanding smile. “So…you guys know.”

“Yeah,” Shoyo murmured, squeezing at Kageyama’s trembling fingers. “We know.”

“Well, then…you two aren’t opposed to staying after practice to meet with the PR manager, are you?”

“No, sir.”

“Good. Then go ahead and warm up.”

Practice was awkward. Not because of their playing—they were both determined to not let this mess affect anything on the court—but because of the worry emanating from all of their teammates, even Ushijima. Every time Shoyo was off of the court, whoever was with him murmured a check in of some sort.

“Are you guys okay?”

“What’s going on?”

“We’re here for you, man.”

It was sweet. A relief, really.

It also made Shoyo want to crawl out of his skin.

For the first time in his life, he was relieved when practice ended, because it meant that he could escape the stifling concern of the team and finally do something. Kageyama, on the other hand…

“Hey.” Shoyo grabbed his hand, a small part of him thrilled at being able to do so without looking around. “Breathe.”

Kageyama obeyed, and thankfully looked a little less green. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, stupid,” Shoyo laughed softly. “I’m scared, too.”

“Yeah, but…you’re supposed to be the anxious one.”

“Hey!” A small smile nudged at Kageyama’s lips and made some relief wash over Shoyo, even as he frowned up at him. “Doesn’t feel so nice, does it?”

“I’ve literally never said it does, the hell?”

“Yeah, but you used to get all annoyed about it!”

“In first year! That was almost ten years ago, are you kidding me?”

Shoyo stuck his tongue out, only to squawk when Kageyama pinched his nose. “Ow, Yama!”

“That’s what you get, dumb—”

“Um.” They froze mid-scuffle, and looked towards the locker room entrance to see their coach staring at them with a bemused grin. “Sorry to interrupt, but…shall we get this meeting started?”

Their hands fell away from each other as they both offered sheepish bows. “Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

The crux of the issue, they were told, was the opening ceremonies looming in the very near future. It would be one thing if the threat of their relationship being revealed could be mostly contained within Japan. But with the Olympics happening in a matter of days, any big news about any member of any Olympic team would inevitably be reported on an international level.

“I don’t tell you this to try to encourage you one way or another in how you want to deal with this,” the team’s PR manager assured them. “But it is something important to keep in mind. Do you understand?”

Both men nodded.

“Good. Well then…now that you have some options…how would you like to move forward with this?”

Shoyo chewed at his lips, eyes flickering from the PR manager, to their coach, to Kageyama at his side. Their gazes met, and Kageyama silently reached towards Shoyo’s lap and took one of his hands with a squeeze. That decided it.

“Don’t…confirm or deny anything. Not yet. We…we have an idea.”

“An idea?” Eyebrows raised. “Can we…know this idea?”

They could. So the couple told them.

Their coach let out a low whistle. “That…is a hell of a risk.”

“Yes,” Kageyama answered simply. “We know, sir.”

“You two are certain about this?”

“We’re certain about each other.” Kageyama’s fingers tightened around Shoyo’s. “So yes. We’re certain about this.”

Shoyo still couldn’t believe how much love could fit in his heart for the man at his side. He dragged his eyes away from him to look at their coach, whose brows were creased in fond exasperation, and the team PR manager, who looked five seconds away from happy tears.

“Alright,” their PR manager sighed. “Well…I guess I’ll see you all at the Olympics, then.”

“Enjoy these last few days of peace, you two,” their coach said with a soft chuckle. “I get the feeling you won’t be having any peace for a while after the games.”

Uneasiness churned in Shoyo’s stomach. “Thank you, sir…you, too.”

“Oh, one last thing.” The couple paused in getting to their feet. “Tell the rest of the team before you see this plan through, alright? This won’t just be affecting you two.”

It was obvious, even something that they had discussed before. But hearing it from an outside party made the reality of it crash into Shoyo, and his quickening breaths reduced him to silence as he stared at their coach and PR manager.

“Yes, sir,” he distantly heard Kageyama answer. “We’ve already started. Have a good weekend.”

Shoyo let himself be tugged out of the gym and onto the sidewalk, where Kageyama grabbed his shoulders to spin him towards him. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Shoyo tried to say, wincing when his words came out breathlessly. “I just…it’s a big change. And…the others…we…”

Complete sentences were beyond him, but the solemnity of Kageyama's handsome features told him he understood. “We don’t have to do this,” he murmured, sliding his hands down from Shoyo’s shoulders to squeeze his arms. “We can…we can deny everything, say something about how our competition just…riles us up, and that’s why we have more hookups after our games together. They’ve been reporting on our competitiveness with each other for years, it wouldn’t be that unbelievable.”

He was right. Shoyo knew he was right. But hiding their relationship was one thing. The thought of actively denying it made bile rise in his throat. He couldn’t do that, wouldn’t do that, and the tension around Kageyama’s eyes told him that his partner also hated the idea. “No,” he said firmly. “It’s like you said: we’re certain about each other. The attention will suck for a little bit, but you’re worth it, Tobi. I’m not going to lie about how much I love you.”

From his first “no,” the tension around Kageyama’s eyes melted into a bittersweet mix of nerves, relief, and certainty. “I’m going to kiss the hell out of you when we get home.”

“Just kiss?”

Shoyo’s sweet smile broke into a surprised yelp when Kageyama pinched his nose. “Don’t be greedy. C’mon, let’s go home.”

***

The Olympics Opening Ceremony and the days leading up to it were everything Shoyo could have dreamed and more. They were a whirlwind of settling into their dorms in the Olympic village, some practices on the Olympic courts, milling around and meeting fellow Olympians from around the world and every sport, all culminating in the Parade of Nations.

“Tobio,” he whispered when Japan wrapped up the parade and took their places on the stadium floor.

“Yeah?”

“We did it. We’re on the world stage.” He looked up at his partner in volleyball, in love, in life, and smiled through his tears. It didn’t matter that Kageyama had already done this once before—this was the first time they were here together, and Shoyo felt like he could float away on the bubble of sheer joy at finally fulfilling the vow he’d made as a small, scrappy, stubborn 16-year-old.

He could see the same realization and joy in Kageyama’s shining eyes, before he was being pulled into a tight embrace. It was safe, something that could look like a happy, platonic hug between teammates, but Shoyo knew better. He shuddered when he felt lips brush his ear and whisper, “I’m so fucking proud of you. You have no idea how much better this feels with you here.”

“Show-off,” Shoyo laughed, burying his face into Kageyama’s shoulder. “...Me, too. I’m proud of us.”

Everything in him screamed to forget the plan and kiss Kageyama right there. It was a miracle that he managed to contain himself until the door to their shared dorm room closed behind them, mere seconds before he pressed Kageyama to it and finally, finally pressed their lips together. “Hey, Yama,” he whispered between smacking kisses.

“Don’t. I already know what you’re going to say.”

“Wanna see if these beds are really sex-proof?”

“What did I just say?” Kageyama pushed him away, letting Shoyo get a good look at his exasperated frown and soft eyes. “Our first match is tomorrow, we can’t be sore from fucking.”

“Geez, I thought we could be more romantic,” Shoyo sniffed. “You won’t be sore from love-making.”

“Who said I’ll be the sore one?”

Anticipation zipped up Shoyo’s spine and had him hastily dropping his clothes to the floor as though they weren’t a once-in-a-lifetime Olympics blazer and pants. “Hurry up, then! We gotta get a good night’s sleep!”

“Don’t pretend to be responsible now.” The nag was the last thing Kageyama said before he pushed Shoyo to one of the cardboard beds and crawled between his legs.

Neither of them said much more after that. They were too busy unraveling each other to gasps and moans muffled against sweaty skin.

(Later, when Kageyama’s softening cock slipped out of Shoyo and freed him to slide off of the setter’s hips, the small bedspace still kept him half on top of him, one leg hooked across his cum-splattered abs.

“So? Are you sore?”

“Nope! Wanna change that?”

“Quit fucking around or I won’t toss to you tomorrow.”

“Yama! What kind of partner are you?!”

“A responsible one. Get off me, we need to clean up.”)

***

They lost to Argentina in their first game, a blow that stung less only when Shoyo stumbled across Oikawa sobbing in Iwaizumi’s arms by Team Japan’s locker rooms.

“You did it,” he could just barely hear Iwaizumi murmur.

“I did it,” Oikawa echoed with a tearful laugh. “I beat them, Iwa. I beat all of you.”

“Yeah…I’m proud of you, Shitty-kawa.”

“Oh, come on! I beat your team at the Olympics and you still can’t be nice?!”

“I said I’m proud of you. Take it or leave it.”

It would have sounded like their standard bickering if Shoyo didn’t know both of them well enough to recognize the tender adoration in their voices. When he returned to the locker room, Kageyama pinned him under a suspicious frown. “Why’re you smiling? We lost.”

“I know. So we’ll just have to beat France!”

A quiet laugh rippled through the team, chipping away at the heavy weight of disappointment hanging over them. “Sure, we’ll just go ahead and do that,” Hoshiumi snorted.

“We can!” Shoyo insisted. “Come on, guys, it’s not over yet! We’ve got more volleyball to play! As long as we don’t fall out of the running completely, we’ll keep playing! Isn’t that what matters most?”

“That’s the spirit, Hinata!” Bokuto cheered, slinging a heavy arm over Shoyo’s shoulders. “I’d expect nothing less from my greatest pupil!”

“Bokkun, it’s been almost ten years,” Atsumu groaned with a badly-hidden smirk. “Can you drop the whole ‘teacher-pupil’ thing?”

“Never! The bond between mentor and mentee is unbreakable! Right, Hinata?”

“Right, Bokuto-san!”

“Tobio-kun, are ya gonna let this stand? Bokkun’s takin’ more credit for Shoyo’s growth than you!”

Kageyama blinked, expression bland. “I’m not his teacher. I’m his partner.”

“Jesus, forget I said anythin’.”

“Already done.”

“Omi!”

Just like that, the sullen atmosphere shifted into something a little sweeter, more hopeful, and by the time their match against France rolled around, they were newly determined to settle for nothing less than a total victory. “Are you ready?” Kageyama murmured before they made their entrance to the court. The intensity in his eyes told Shoyo he wasn’t just talking about the match.

Shoyo gently rocked into his side with a smile and a chipper, “Of course! With you, I’m invincible!”

“Invincible,” Kageyama repeated with a smile so slight, Shoyo would have missed it if they didn’t know each other so completely.

***

The ball seemed to move in crystal-clear slow motion, sailing over the net to bounce off of Yaku’s arms in a perfect arc to Kageyama. Around him, Shoyo could see Bokuto, Ojiro, and Hoshiumi run for a synchronized attack, and his legs moved to let him perfectly blend in with his teammates.

He watched the ball meet Kageyama’s fingers just as he poured all the power he had left in him to jump as high as possible. There, at the peak of his jump, the ball appeared before him, and in that perfect split-second of suspension in the air, he found his target on the other side of the net.

His hand hit the ball with a delicious sting, and as he fell to the ground, the ball sped towards France’s libero, only to deflect from his arms and fly out-of-bounds. The wing spikers couldn’t move fast enough—the ball landed, with a thrilling slap against the court floors, just outside of the boundary lines.

Silence reigned over the stadium for a breath, only cracking open with two shrill whistles that sounded like the sweetest sirensong to Shoyo’s ears.

They did it. They won.

Noise exploded through the stadium. Shoyo’s ears rang from the screams and cheers of his teammates, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. All that mattered were the blue eyes finding his, and the breathtaking smile spreading below them.

His legs felt like they might give out from under him, but he pushed himself forward, barely aware of the tears falling to his cheeks. He was too focused on taking hold of Kageyama’s cheeks and pulling him down.

Later on, he would remember it all in parts: the sweet taste of Kageyama’s lips parting against his, the familiar comfort of his arms wrapping around his waist, the pressure of his hands pressing against Shoyo’s spine to bring him impossibly closer. Then there were the renewed screams of their teammates, this time in celebration of their announcement.

Because it was an announcement. With that single kiss on the world stage, they were finally breaking open the secrecy of their relationship and proudly baring their hearts to the entire world. Maybe it should’ve been terrifying, but in that moment, Shoyo only felt peace and love and joy, pure, unadulterated joy, overflowing in tears that flowed faster when his ears caught a soft whisper beneath the screams surrounding him.

“I love you.”

***

For the second night in a row, Shoyo and Kageyama entered their dorm room mid-makeout, only closing the door behind them so Shoyo could press Kageyama against it. “Yama,” he breathed, sucking kisses down his neck and soaking in the sounds of his shameless moans. “Tobio, what do you want? Tell me what to do for you.”

“What do you want?”

“Anything you want.”

“Dumbass, that’s not— ah, that’s not an answer— mmh!”

“I asked first.”

Before Kageyama could snap anything back, Shoyo slid his thigh between his legs, pulling the setter’s hips down until he was moaning from the pressure against the tent in his pants. “Fuck, Sho—!”

“Answer me, Tobio.”

Kageyama’s eyes fluttered open, and whatever he saw on Shoyo’s face made him bite his lip with a whimper. “Fuck me,” he gasped when Shoyo pressed his leg up.

“Yeah?” Shoyo murmured, leaning in to ghost their lips together. “Want me to fill you up? Want me to fuck you until you’re begging?”

Challenge glinted in those hazy blue eyes. “Make me,” Kageyama grunted. “Make me beg, Sho.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

With a growl, Kageyama took his lips in a hungry kiss, rutting against Shoyo’s thigh despite what he’d just asked for. Shoyo could’ve sworn he could feel the heat building between Kageyama’s legs in time with the increasing hardness trapped in his jeans. “Tobio…shit, Tobio…”

Kageyama just hummed into the kisses, whimpering when Shoyo’s hands wandered under his shirt, sliding higher and higher until he could pinch at his nipples. “Let me see,” Shoyo whispered, “c’mon, Tobi, lemme see you.”

Despite his grunt of protest, Kageyama obeyed, nearly tearing fabric in his haste to rip his shirt off and bare his beautiful chest to Shoyo. He wasted no time diving in, sucking a nipple into his mouth to the sweet tune of Kageyama’s keening whines. They had showered before the celebratory team dinner, but the summer heat made sweat sting on Shoyo’s tastebuds, sharpening the delicious taste of Kageyama, Kageyama, nothing but Kageyama.

He wanted to eat him whole, wanted to drag his lips and tongue and teeth across every lightly-tanned inch of his perfect body. But for now, he was satisfied with gripping at Kageyama’s trim waist and stopping him from curving his plush chest away from his lips. He didn’t pull away until he heard his moans pick up in pitch and eventually break into a desperate, “Sho, Sho, m’close, fuck— wait, no—”

Shoyo ignored his pleas, sliding his thigh away and pinning Kageyama’s hips to the door. “Not yet, baby,” he whispered, pressing a sweet kiss to his gasping lips. “Wait for me, hm?”

He didn’t let go of Kageyama’s hips until they stopped twitching forward in search of more friction. Only then did Kageyama wilt in his hands, letting his forehead rest against Shoyo’s as he nodded. “Okay?” Shoyo asked.

“I won’t be if you don’t hurry up.”

Shoyo snickered, unabashed under Kageyama’s pout. “That’s a yes. C’mon, get naked and show me how you want me to fuck you.”

He could feel a shudder run through Kageyama’s body before he was being pushed away. He obeyed the gentle nudge, letting his hands fall away from Kageyama and watching shamelessly as he shoved his pants and socks off and climbed onto his bed. Arousal made his breath stop when Kageyama held himself up on his hands and knees and looked over his shoulder with an impatient frown. “Why’re you still not naked?”

“God, you’re hot,” Shoyo huffed, stripping himself and grabbing a condom and some lube. “Why’re you so hot when you’re bossy?”

“I’m not bossy,” Kageyama grunted, failing to look away before Shoyo caught a glimpse of his flushed cheeks. “And I dunno why you think weird things are hot.”

“Calling yourself weird, Yama?”

“No. I’m calling you weird.”

Shoyo snickered as he joined Kageyama on the bed, letting his cock nudge against the perfect swell of his ass. “Yeah, and you’re into me,” he murmured, brushing a kiss to his spine and relishing the soft whimper he earned. “So what’s that make you?”

“An idiot. Hurry up.”

“Aw, does it hurt?” Shoyo cooed in false sympathy. He slicked up one hand, but instead of tracing circles around Kageyama’s puckered hole, he reached around and took hold of his straining cock.

“Fuck!” Kageyama cried, head lolling between his shaking arms. “Sho, please—”

“Begging already? That’s not good.”

“Shut up, I’m— hah, I’m gonna— no, come on—!”

“Not yet,” Shoyo insisted, letting go just as he felt Kageyama’s cock harden that last tell-tale bit. “Shhh, Tobi, the others will hear you whining for me.”

“Fuck you,” Kageyama bit out.

“Nah, not tonight.” Shoyo snickered as he dodged the half-hearted swat Kageyama barely managed before he had to support himself on both hands again. “Okay, okay, here.” He slid his slippery hand between Kageyama’s legs, letting his slick touch trail along the curve of his tight balls and through the hot, tight space up to his puckered rim. Kageyama tensed beneath him as soon as he began drawing cold circles over his hole, and Shoyo brushed a kiss under his ear before slowly pressing in. “Relax, Tobi,” he whispered, grinning when he felt him obey. “Good boy.”

Kageyama just whimpered wordlessly, trembling when Shoyo’s finger slid home. “Is this good?” Shoyo asked quietly.

“Mm…yeah,” Kageyama groaned, slowly rocking his hips into the slight intrusion. “Yeah,” he repeated with a pleased sigh, “yeah, gimme more.”

“Yessir.” With that purr, Shoyo carefully slid out his finger to the last digit, before sliding it back in with a second finger. He pressed kisses along Kageyama’s shoulders and the back of his neck as he carefully stretched him out, following the sound of his gasps and moans. Yes, he knew exactly how Kageyama liked to be stretched out, but that didn’t mean he stopped relishing the way his name sounded when he finally curved three fingers into his prostate. “Sho—!”

“Good?”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck, it’s good!”

“Good.” He was more urgent than usual as he worked his fingers in and out and spread them wide, his own arousal burning through him at the sight of Kageyama trying to fuck himself on his fingers. “Shit, Tobio, I thought you wanted to come on my cock, not my fingers.”

“I do, hurry up!”

“Ask me nicely,” Shoyo huffed, as though he weren’t already slipping his fingers out and sliding the condom down his aching dick.

“Fuck me, Sho, c’mon, fill me up.”

Oh…that wasn’t quite what Shoyo had in mind, but damn, if he didn’t care.

He slid home to the sweet harmony of them moaning together. He tried, truly tried to hold still and let Kageyama adjust, but he couldn’t stop his hips from twitching forward, trying to reach even deeper. “Sho—”

“I know, sorry, I can’t— fuck, you’re tight,” Shoyo groaned. His fingers pressed at Kageyama’s hips, tight enough that he knew they would leave bruises. But Kageyama didn’t complain, too focused on relaxing around Shoyo’s hard length reaching deep inside him.

“Move.”

Shoyo was pulling out before the word finished leaving Kageyama’s lips, thrusting back in and setting a desperate pace. This wasn’t what he’d planned, didn’t match the image he’d had of a slow, drawn-out fuck, leaving Kageyama panting and begging under him. But Shoyo couldn’t help himself. After everything they’d been through that day—a loss, a win, revealing their relationship to the world and navigating the resulting rush of last-minute interviews, and celebrating both their win and their reveal with the team at dinner—all Shoyo wanted was to lose himself in the sublime, tight heat of the love of his life.

“Ah! Right there, fuck—!”

“Yeah, I’ve got you,” Shoyo panted, keeping up the perfect angle as he kept plowing forward. “You feel so good, Tobio, you’re always so good for me.”

“For you,” Kageyama breathlessly echoed, his words melting into soft, whining moans that left his lips with every thrust.

“Good boy.” Kageyama’s next whine was almost a wail, and he fell to his elbows, sweaty bangs brushing the plain covers and cock drooling beneath him. “That’s right,” Shoyo hissed, pressing his hips to Kageyama’s and grinding in as deep as he could, “you’re my good boy, aren’t you?”

It was still incredible to Shoyo, the way the pet name so thoroughly unwound Kageyama. He went wordless, reduced to whines and clumsy attempts to fuck himself on Shoyo’s dick. “Shhhh, easy does it.”

“No,” Kageyama mumbled into the sheets, “more, need more, m’close.”

“What do you need, Tobi?” Shoyo already knew what he needed, but it was always heady to hear Kageyama stumble over his words when he was usually so taciturn.

“Touch me, fuck me, c’mon—!” This time, he really did wail when Shoyo took hold of his cock. He couldn’t seem to decide between fucking back on him or thrusting into his hand, leaving him shuddering with twitching hips. “Yes, yes, yes—”

“Are you close? Gonna come for me?”

“Please, Sho, please—”

“I’ve got you. C’mon baby, come for me, you’re so close.”

“Close, close— nngh, Sho!” Kageyama pressed his face to the bed to muffle his shout when he finally broke, spilling onto the bed sheets and rocking against Shoyo. He tightened impossibly more around him, trapping Shoyo and leaving him only able to grind in until he followed him over the edge with a drawn-out groan.

Neither of them could say anything, their lips only parting around gasps for air and a last few shuddering moans from the aftershocks. Shoyo could only form words when Kageyama nearly collapsed into his own mess on the bed. “Woah, careful—” He just barely caught him by the hips and tipped him to the side, earning a soft grunt of thanks. “You okay, Tobio?”

“Mm…yeah, just…god, Sho.”

Shoyo could only laugh bashfully, tilting forward to kiss Kageyama’s hip before slowly standing on his own shaking legs. “I’ll clean us up, and then we can move to my bed, okay?” Kageyama just nodded into the sheets, but that was good enough for Shoyo.

They moved predictably slowly as Shoyo cleaned them both up, then urged Kageyama to help him strip the dirty covers from his bed and climb into Shoyo’s bed. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, dumbass, I’m fine.”

“Are you gonna be sore tomorrow?”

Kageyama frowned as he gave a tentative stretch of his hip. “...I don’t think so. Nothing that’ll impede my playing.”

“Okay.” Shoyo finally let himself fully collapse into bed, fitting himself against Kageyama’s side like a puzzle piece. Kageyama shifted around until his head fit under Shoyo’s chin and he could nestle into Shoyo’s chest, letting him stroke his fingers through dark hair.

They laid there in silence, curled together so closely, Shoyo wasn’t sure where he ended and Kageyama began. He didn’t mind the quiet, never did when he was with Kageyama. But just as his eyes began drifting closed, he heard, “We kissed at the Olympics.”

“Hm?” Shoyo grunted, jolting awake. “Oh, yeah. Yeah! Just like we planned!”

“So the whole world knows about us.”

Apprehension pricked at Shoyo. Kageyama’s voice was flat, matter of fact, with an undertone of nerves that Shoyo couldn’t parse out. “Yeah, but…we planned for that. And that’s what we wanted, right?”

“Right, just…”

Why did he sound so nervous? What was Kageyama thinking about? Shoyo looked down at his smooth black hair and joked, “You’re not breaking up with me, are you?”

Well…he meant it as a joke, but he could hear the tension in his voice, which meant Kageyama would hear it, too.

Sure enough, Kageyama pulled away to frown at him. “No, dumbass! I’m just thinking…”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Fuck off.” The phrase was flippant, with no heat or bite behind it. Shoyo pressed his lips thin to hold back his snort of laughter and waited for Kageyama to go on. “I was thinking,” he continued with a roll of his eyes, before he settled back down against Shoyo, “the world knows. The whole world knows that…that we’re together. That we love each other.”

“Yeah…?”

“And that we’re serious about each other.”

“Right…”

Calloused fingertips began drawing patterns across Shoyo’s chest. Despite the worry swelling in him, he still felt a jolt of fondness at the nervous habit. It had been a while since Kageyama last doodled on him like that. “Like…serious enough to be together for our whole lives?”

“Yeah!” Shoyo scoffed, indignant at the mere thought of the alternative. “You’re stuck with me, Tobi!”

He heard a soft snort, then silence for a beat, before, “Then…should we make it official?”

“I thought we just did that?”

“Dumbass, I meant…legally.”

There was heavy intent behind Kageyama’s words, but Shoyo couldn’t fathom what he was trying to imply. “Legally? What do you mean?”

“I mean marriage,” Kageyama scoffed, before raising himself to look Shoyo in the eye. “Marry me, dumbass.”

Oh. Oh. Oh, Shoyo loved him so much. He had never felt so certain about an answer in his whole life. But first: “Wow. That might be the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard.”

“Hah?! Who else proposed to you?!”

“No one, stupid!” Shoyo said with a light flick at Kageyama’s forehead. “But I’ve heard other couples’ proposals, and they were way nicer than that!”

The nerves lining Kageyama’s eyes stiffened into annoyance. “So what, you’re not gonna marry me because I didn’t propose right?”

“What? I didn’t even answer!”

“Then answer, dumbass!”

“Yes, dummy! Of course I’ll marry you!”

Somewhere along the way, Shoyo’s voice began shaking with gleeful laughter, and soon Kageyama was laughing with him, and they laid there, laughing and laughing, and Shoyo had the idle thought that if someone could die from too much happiness, he would have perished a thousand times over by now.

Their laughter faded away, leaving Kageyama gazing down at Shoyo with the soft look of adoration that never failed to make love spread warm through him like a hot cup of tea. “You’re my future, Tobio,” he murmured, bringing his hands to Kageyama’s cheeks and stroking over their curves with gentle thumbs. “I’m never gonna stop running forward. I don’t care if I’m chasing you, or you’re chasing me, or we’re running together. I just…I want to do it with you. Forever.”

“Good.” Kageyama pushed himself up properly and fit himself between Shoyo’s legs. “Because I’m going to love you forever, Hinata Shoyo.”

Shoyo knew everything was going to continue changing now that their relationship was public, and that those changes were going to be daunting, no matter if they were good or bad.

But as he gazed up at Kageyama, at this man who had so inextricably woven himself into his heart, he knew, with a rare sense of certainty, that it would be worth it, all of it. He was worth it.

“And I’ll love you in this universe and the next, Kageyama Tobio.”

Because as long as they had each other, they’d be invincible.

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depressed-avocado · 2 years

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||SAKUATSU AND THE JAPANESE MEDIA||

have you all noticed how we have an abundance of sakuatsu fics, fanart and stans in the western media but very few and rare doujins served by the japanese side of the fandom?

even the sporadic content we see has a very different take on sakuatsu than we do..

now, take myself as a referance. i entered the fandom with a vengeance against all but suga, avoided sakuatsu and kagehina like it was the COVID epicenter itself but a year and a half later ended up reading one teeny fanfic on ao3 out of dire curiousity and ended up with sakuatsu as my adopted babies.

there was a lot of discussion on this ship on twt, tumblr and the like, but when i searched up for doujins to satisfy my horny hunger, i found none?

the very few and far between were actually AtsuSaku (top atsumu, still not much common with the english speaking world) and SakuOsa (poor atsumu 🤣) and featured sakusa as a very grumpy, tsundere, devil-may-care lover whom atsumu had to ask permission just to kiss. compare THAT to how the western fandom potrays him as the blunt jerk who is nefariously down bad for atsumu, but is still kinda loveable and chaotic in his own steed.

the thing is, sakuatsu is a rare ship. there are hardly 5 panels on interaction for them in the manga, and still quite less info on sakusa available, which gives the people the opportunity to mould him into any shape they want. atsumu has more chemistry with hinata, aran, kita, suna, hell you'd even find more miyacest content in japan than sakuatsu. it all started out as a crack ship, something similar to matsuhana, and exploded exponentially in a span of few weeks like it was set on fire. honestly, covid-19 would be jealous.

in the year 2020, the world recieved so many beautiful fanfics, maybe some of the best in the fandom. the same teenagers once raving after kagehina and iwaoi were now adults and have had enough of bubbly, tooth rotting fluff and circumstancal angst.

iwaoi's biggest potential for angst is them seperating for college, same as bokuaka and kuroken. maybe an external factor causing a rift in the couple. very basic.

they wanted something dynamic, something real, something which allows your creativity to leap out the box and sprint several kilometres ahead.

the salient answer was sakuatsu.

only in sakuatsu, the angst potential come from the characters themselves. sakusa and atsumu are insufferable, totally unlikeable people (though i have met a lot of people like atsumu and they get on with their day just fine). they have no chill, no qualms, no redeeming feature other than volleyball and their looks and maybe this could work out?

two jerks, aint afraid to talk shit, bringing out the best (or worst?) in each other. maybe they could find love afterall? huh.

what's this? a chance for ao3 authors to expand their creative writing skills to new horizons and take artistic liberties indulgently but still have a locus to ground themselves to so that they don't go all hocus-focus?

you bet they'd take this chance.

famous fics like 'a liar's truth', 'hand study', 'burden of blame' were released and it was the explosive and beautifully belligerent start of a ship no one saw coming. riding on the highs and lows of a relationship, depicting exactly how toxic yet fulfilling realistic dating can be, its upto you how you'd end up. these fics depicted the shimmering tension, the passionate abhor and the disastrous clashes.

there was no way a huge chunk of japanese fans, enough to catalyse its popularity, would be able to reach these fics and fanarts, which were usually just characteristics fleshed out in the author's mind. ooc, if you will.

sakuatsu is literally whatever you want it to be. a murder mystery or a romcom, you decide. it is ever changing, ephemeral, dangerous. you need to keep up with every step to find its beauty.

its a pity that the japanese fandom wasn't able to catch onto this sakuatsu fever and create some god-tier content like they usually do with other notorious ships like kageoi or kitaatsu.

also, osaatsu/atsuosa, kitaatsu and atsuhina are already selling there a lot (which makes a lot of sense in hindsight than this sakuatsu, no offence) and view atsumu as a TOP.

also, also the japanese part of the fandom have no qualms with shipping komosaku and ushisaku and do it graciously, so well both characters are satisifed fully with the japanese seperately as far as they are concerned.

well, if the movies come out, there is a good chance that the sakuatsu car ride would be just around the corner again and maybe this time, the japanese fandom can hop on a ride? and show atsumu riding on sakusa too pls i need to see thier bful art ahaha

#haikyuu #hq imagines #sakuatsu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #sakuatsu angst #sakuatsu fic #sakusa hq #sakusa imagines #sakusa x atsumu #haikyuu sakusa #miya twins #hq atsumu #atsumu #atsumu miya #hq drabbles #hq #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu theories

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redrocketpanda · 10 months

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For the Shipping Bingo - Kunigiri and Bokuaka?

eeeeeee thanks! Okay so... the BKAK one was easy but the KNGR one I had to actually think about and might need to explain my working out a little bit (edit: I went on a bit of a journey with the KNGR one, excuse me)

BokuAka:

BKAK is my ultimate fluff ship. I adore them and literally only want good, beautiful things for them. Bokuto is my big dopey sunshine boy, and Akaashi is my beautiful "what are these things called feelings?" boy. The free space is for top 5 ships <3 and for I have yet to write a full-length BKAK fic but I have a lot of BKAK WIP ideas. One day, I will do them justice.

KuniGiri:

Maybe unpopular opinion time but I go hard for Wildcard! Kunigami so my particular flavour of KNGR is kinda fucked. I think they start off very sweet (as we see in S1 of the anime) and then its a rapid drop off a cliff. My free space for this is, again, probs an unpopular opinion but it's "the fandom does the ship a bit of a disservice". Absolutely no shade to anyone, but I personally find KNGR's fanon depiction pretty boring. Super Masculine Top Good Boy Kunigami + Very Effeminate Pillow Princess Chigiri, and they are Good and Wholesome Together. Give me Monster Kunigami with slippery morals + Chigiri who is like gods let me make him worse. Give me Switch Kunigami who starts off trying to dom but can't withstand the force of bratty Chigiri who tops from the bottom, and so Kunigami just becomes an endearingly pathetic mess. Give me I love you, I'll follow you everywhere > I cannot follow you to the places you're going. Give me Chigiri isn't a fragile little princess in need of saving (literally guys, look at the canon: he saves himself + is literally one of the most sought after players), and give me Kunigami who stumbles his way through disaster after disaster + has to rediscover who he truly is beneath the heroic veneer.

Oops, I accidentally veered into the "I can write an essay on them" but honestly, I feel like there is so much potential in KNGR that is kinda being slept on. Guess I'll just sit here steadily working away at my 3 WC! Kunigami fics and scream about it to myself LMAO

#bkak #bokuaka #bokuto #akaashi #kngr #kunigiri #kunigami #chigiri #bllk #bluelock #haikyuu #hq #shipping bingo

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conartisthaiji · 7 months

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20 questions for writers

got tagged by @clementinecoastline thanks clem <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

84!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

313,665 (bitch. what)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i've written for so many different fandoms over the years...these days it's mostly just life series, haikyuu, and qsmp though

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. hands, knees, please, tangerine (come on back to me)

4.scar's magical emporium for lost grians

3. i never get bored looking at you (because every time i see something new)

2. i'm in your bed, why are you in your twitch chat?

how to get over heartbreak

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

almost always!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh i don't write a lot of angst (and also i barely remember anything posted before 2021) but. and we're gonna let it burn is pretty tragic like whenever i reread that one i'm like who the fuck let me write that.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i typically write fluff so...pick literally any of my haikyuu fics! or emporium

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope...fingers crossed it stays that way too

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

only once. it's friends with benefits.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

that would all the shit i wrote back in 2013. we don't talk about those days.

(it was frozen/rotg/tangled/brave/httyd if you didn't know)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

as far as i know, nope! fingers crossed it stays that way too

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YEAH me and @huiplash wrote a fic together but alas it remains incomplete. and probably always will LOL

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

god. i don't know. tokomaru from udg will always be special to me, these days i'm completely insane about griddlehark and scarian, bokuaka was really special to me when i was deep into haikyuu...oh and runayachi is now my personality trait on my hq sideblog. this is hard.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

GOD like all of them?

realistically it's the desert duo idol/exes with benefits au, but i'm loathe to delete the project because i'm obsessed with the ideas i've created for it. also maybe the goshihina six swans au, desperate as i am to finish that one...it's been sitting in my wips for two years now :,)

16. What are your writing strengths?

i write good dialogue i think!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

WORLDBUILDING i am so bad at worldbuilding. the characters are in there for the PLOT which is KISSING. also setting i suck at setting. but that's related to worldbuilding i think.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

honestly it's not something that i ever thought much about until the qsmp but i feel like if it's true to the character and you're comfortable writing in that language then yeah why not?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

first ever fandom was frozen, but on ao3 the first thing i ever published was actually for toradora!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

and i'll never go home again is probably my all-time favorite thing i've ever written, but the pissever hs yuri au is a close second (even though that one is three fics. emotionally they are one though).

tagging @astrowaffles @strawberryclementine @verytendou and @reineyday

#lyz talks #thank u taf for the tag it took me a while to finish but this was fun!!

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touchlikethesun · 3 months

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i’ve been thinking about haikyuu name meanings again, so i thought i’d share two of the name meanings that make me smile a lot :)))

木　boku - tree 兎　to - rabbit (?) 光　kou - shining, glory, pride 太郎　tarou - “great” son or first son 赤　aka - red, communism (??) 葦　ashi - reed (?) 京　kei - ten quadrillion; other readings (kyou, tokyo), capital city 治　ji - govern, regulate

so i’ve purposefully kept the direct kanji meanings, even tho most of them are simple and/or non sensical when applied to bokuto and akaashi’s character. but i've done so to replicate my own confusion and (hopefully) eventual satisfaction when i’d worked tho the many layers of word play.

so the first character of bokuto’s name 木 (tree) i originally thought was supposed to tie him to owls, yknow bc owls are often sitting in trees, and that might be part of it, but when 木 is used in adjectival constructions (so instead of ‘tree’ it might mean more ‘wooden’) and applied to people it often carries pejorative connotations of stupidity, close to the english ‘blockheaded’ - which i have to admit. did make me chuckle. (note: i thought there might be some connection between boku and boke the insult kags is always launching at hinata but they seem to be unrelated go figure)

兎 (to) was another confusing one, since ordinarily 兎 is the character for usagi (rabit), but when read as to there didn't seem to be any real mean associated with it, which is funny because most of the names in hq!! have more thought put into them then that. i was just about to write it off, when i looked up the two kanji together on wiktionary and-

木兎　mimizuko - alt. spelling for eagle/horned owl

see above: eagle owl and bokuto koutarou for comparaison.

so basically in bokuto's name there is both a pun calling him a bit thick and a pun with the type of owl that inspired him how fucking incredible is that??? i personally love it

光太郎 (koutarou) seems to be a bit more of a traditional name, and we also have a very clear in-universe explanation for it's meaning. bokuto is the youngest of three with two older sisters, and it seems mr and mrs bokuto were very proud to finally have a son (ehhh patriarchy sucks sorry it is what it is) and wanted to give him a name that reflected their feelings. however, i do also think that 光 can also be taken to represent bokuto's presence in the series as a whole.

the first meaning of 光 being 'shining' obviously makes me think of the most bokuaka line in all of canon "we are the stars of the world" (ik some translations use protagonists in place of stars but shhh i'm being symbolic plus the vers i read used "stars"), because bokuto is such a star, he shines so brightly, and motivates so many people (the least of whom being akaashi and the rest of fukurodani). bokuto was always destined for glory and stardom in volleyball, but i think he's also just. so bright of a person. like yes, ofc he has his moods and his caprices, but that doesn't change how much he just, well, shines, brightens up a room. i don't know how much of this was intentional or accidental, but i like it.

like with bokuto's name, i ran into a bit of trouble with 赤葦 (akaashi) at first. literally, it means red reed, which didn't really seem significant. although 赤 (aka) also means 'red' as in 'communist' so now even tho it is certainly not at all the intended meaning i now and forever will headcanon akaashi as being a communist or someone at the very least well versed in communist theory. however, like with bokuto, akaashi's name is actually a reference to アカアシフクロウ (akaashi-fukuro) or アカアシモリフクロウ (akaashi-mori-fukuro), so another type of owl

i've already talked about what i find so amusing about 京治 (keiji) in this post, but to summarise here (actually maybe this counts as an expansion?), the most relevant part to akaashi's character is the second kanji 治, meaning to govern or to regulate. 治 is sometimes used on it's own, but it is also often used in compounds related to peace, healing, (and politics, my commie akaashi headcanon wins again hahaha).

i think akaashi's character evolves from what it was intended to be, and i'm not sure how accurate this meaning is by the time we reach the end of canon (or maybe i've just been reading to much bokuaka fic and it's skewing my perception of him), but akaashi started out a bit like bokuto's external emotional regulator. for someone with as insane mood swings as bokuto, mood swings that other people struggled to understand and react to, he must have had quite a hard time, and indeed we're shown that his difficulties managing his emotions seriously and negatively affects his performance on the court. enter akaashi. akaashi, who through careful observation, quickly learns to not just react to bokuto's mood swings, but to understand them, their causes, and even eventually to anticipate them, effectively giving bokuto the tools he needs to learn to control his emotions and continue giving his all like akaashi knows he can.

i think it's relevant that 治 is also used to talk about healing and peace, (and not just governing which has rather unfortunate implications of control and coercion that i don't particularly like) because that is what akaashi's presence in bokuto's life ultimately provides, as evidenced by bokuto's growth by the end of the series ("hey look guys i'm just a normal ace!" meaning he's learned to manage his emotions by himself, something that i think would have been a much longer and harder journey without akaashi's influence).

when i said i'm not sure how accurate 治 is when applied to akaashi's character by the end of the series, i mean that i think it downplays the reciprocal nature of bokuto and akaashi's relationship, because for as much as akaashi helps bokuto manage his mood swings, bokuto also provides a lot of emotional support and motivation to akaashi. and i'm not sure this was something that furudate had already taken into account when first coming up with these characters.

i think there might be smaller symbolic meaning relating to akaashi's position as a setter, but that's really only a minor detail i think...

anyways, there you have it! bokuaka kanji meanings and thoughts!! do let me know if you have different interpretations, or if i've missed something, i really really reallyyyyy like talking about things like this but for now brb i am going to go read like a dozen bokuaka oneshots xx

#i feel like their names being owl refs is common knowledge like i feel like i already knew that #and had just forgotten #so to anyone that didn't already know or needed the reminder #here it is lol #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #bokuaka #haikyuu #fukurodani

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thespookymoth · 1 year

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10 First Lines Tag Game! ✨

Heya! Thanks for tagging @spellcasterlight 💗 Since I haven't joined in a tagging game for so long, let's do this 😁

I won't tag anyone but everyone who wants to join is free to do so!

Rules: Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

1. You don't know how lovely you are [KuroAka - Haikyuu!]

His lungs were burning from the cold autumn air and all he wanted was to return home.

2. One last time [Suga & Tanaka - Haikyuu!]

He hadn’t given much of a thought to the weather changes.

3. Licking Flames [KuroAka - Haikyuu!]

His fire alarm saved him.

4. Concept of Love [IwaOi - Haikyuu!]

A lot of people would call it fate that Tōru crossed paths with the love of his life as a child

5. Tell It To My Heart [AsaSuga - Haikyuu!]

Suga is always a sight to enjoy.

6. Hyacinths [Ino & Shikamaru & Choji - Naruto]

She had always preferred spring to summer.

7. Treasures [ShikaTema - Naruto]

His hands had been covered with cuts, scrapes, and calluses for years, so he didn't mind if more were added.

8. Dancing with Fireflies [KuroTsukki - Haikyuu!!]

He wasn’t a romantic.

9. Planters Punch [ShikaTema - Naruto]

Maybe he wasn’t a genius.

10. A bouquet of surprises [BokuAka - Haikyuu!!]

Having a crush on your best friend was wrong, so incredibly wrong that Akaashi was relieved once the third years graduated.

(Apparently I love to start my stories with short sentences 😅)

#spooky's stories #tagging game #spellcasterlight #naruto #shikatema #inoshikacho #haikyuu #kuroaka #kurotsukki #bokuaka #asasuga #iwaoi

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mrs-nubenueve · 2 years

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when i was watching the training camp arc with my oldest sister, on kuroo, bokuto, and akaashi, she said: “why’s he there? he doesn’t even go here.” and i found that absolutely delightful because she’s right. he doesn’t go here at all. the silly little cat has no reason to tag along with the fluffy, in-love owls, and yet…

#maybe he’s chaperoning.#bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #kuroo tetsuro #bokuaka #they—all three of them—mean So Much to me…#isaspeaks

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hella1975 · 2 years

Note

heyyy hellaa, please tell us your favorite fics of all time, from any fandom, because i wanna know what makes your brain go vroom !!

WOULD LOVE TO OKAY:

haikyuu:

three sheets to the wind by fairycake - we have sakuatsu we have found family we have pirates we have a surprisingly coherent balance of plot and fun times we have a prank war we have miya twins content we have idiotic background sunaosa we have PIRATES there is literally nothing to dislike here when i read the description of this fic i thought it would just be dumbassery but it wound up being so much more and i got so attached so quickly and the ending was just so heartfelt if i could read this again for the first time i would

burden of blame by deathbelle - OUGH the writing of this one is just. jesus christ. atsumu's characterisation? kiyoomi's characterisation? protective miya twins? the miya twins interactions themselves? if you took away the yakuza angle id be CONVINCED this was all canon bc the author just Gets the characters. maybe my fav sakuatsu fic ever

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu - iwaoi have entered the chat!!! one thing about me is i LOVE a good recurring metaphor, but a super niche one when you can tell the author knows their shit? respectfully i am drooling. this fic is just so raw and real and it really hit home for me and even to this day when i see it im all !!!!!! a must-read for anyone in the haikyuu fandom

jaywalkers by batman - multi-ship but im gonna say it was more gen for me than anything idk if that's just bc none of my big ships were in there (aside bokuaka <3) or if i just latched onto the gen aspects but yeah u really dont need to ship any of the couples in this to absolutely be blown away by this. like holy fucking shit. this is my last haikyuu rec but it is also my first and quite possibly my favourite fic of all time. if you read anything from this whole list, read jaywalkers. i have never had a fic impact me the way this did and ive never come back to a fic so many times as i have this one bc im very much one of those people that once ive read something i dont get much enjoyment from rereading it no matter how much i like it. but idk something about jaywalkers has me in a complete fucking chokehold and has done since i read it over a year ago. the way this author writes is just so effortlessly human? like it's funny and realistic and messy and in-character and BECAUSE it's got so much dumbassery it really hits you out of nowhere when the deeper shit comes in, but it still works perfectly. ive never seen a writer so perfectly capture humanity before. whenever im struggling to flesh characters out, i return to this work and see all the effortless ways this author does that, whether it be through kei's headphones or kuroo's hair or oikawa's chameleon or every tiny tiny detail that is important enough to warrant a mention bc it's what makes these characters real. im just. god. yeah. also the final author's notes actually made me tear up

jujutsu kaisen:

found in translation by hiraethia - kai kai kai kai. GOD all of kai's fics absolutely gut me but this one just really stuck with me. kai's got such a specific writing style where she just makes really poignant and beautiful metaphors flow very easily, so it's never jarringly deep until you actually take a second to think about what you just read and you're like what the fuck and then it very much IS that deep, and that means kai gets a perfect balance of fluff and fun as well as just heart-wrenching tear your hair out kind of angst, which ofc works perfectly for satosugu

two drifters, off to see the world by quietkids - you have to have a pretty strong stomach when it comes to angst if you're gonna ship satosugu and id say i qualify for that and i also very very very rarely cry over fics, but my god something about this fic just destroyed me. im too scared to read it again. i cannot even comprehend how devastated i was upon finishing this like it wasn't even the gross loud sobbing kind of devastated it was just this awful ache that followed me around for DAYS and that takes so so so much talent any and all kudos go to this author. the thing about college-era satosugu fics that anhialates me so much is the helplessness of it. it's all so tragic and 'there is no other version of this story'. you watch them try so hard to make it work and every time without fail you know it all goes wrong anyway, the love was there but it wasn't enough. and somehow this author just grabbed that sentiment and put it into words and i just. OW

at the end of the world by freckledgeto - hi two of the bestest jjk writers are my mutuals and im bragging about it. alia wrote the itafushi (+first year trio friendship) roadtrip au specifically to hurt me im sure of it. not to get into the incredible writing parallels of jjk, but just like their predecessors, itafushi is all about that helplessness, the knowledge of how this is going to end and still trying to fight it, but while satosugu is usually very deep and dark and heavy, itafushi are the younger, fresher version, and alia writes to accommodate that so seamlessly. it's fun and silly and they're so clearly KIDS in it, and it makes it all the more heartbreaking when it stops being so fun and silly. specifically itadori's character is done beautifully in this fic, but also megumi's characterisation gave me an entire new angle on him that id never had before. the whole thing makes me want to punch a wall

atla:

where the stars do not take sides by witchofendor - honestly any fic by this author is always so well-thought out like the worldbuilding is always INCREDIBLE, but i just lovedddd this fire siblings in this and just the whole concept of it. this is my canon. i actually really want to reread this fic when i get a chance

blue by blacklipscurse - this will always always be THE zukka fic in my opinion like just JKSHGKJSHDGJH i miss when this was updating. the zuko characterisation in this is beautiful zuko and iroh's relationship is beautiful but also one thing that really stuck with me from this fic is the fire nation girls' characterisation? like ive NEVER seen a fic get azula like this but also TY LEE really stuck out to me. like she WOULD be so terrifying with her cheerfulness while she literally attacked you and this is the first time i actually felt that

feels like we only go backwards by oldpotatoe - RUBY WE MISS YOU <3 the writing of this fic is absolutely exceptional like there's a reason this fic gets so much hype. the angst? the romance? the slowburn? the falling in love twice over? the sokka and katara moments? give it to me straight into my veins pls

ozymandias king of kings by think_of_a_wonderful_thought - the first zukka fic i ever read and it's really stuck with me. ive said before but this fic really inspired me and is the reason a lot of taob is the way that it is. i LOVE zuko's characterisation in this bc he's different to canon but in a way that makes perfect sense with the divergence we're given. i also really liked hakoda in this? like not that he was being mean to zuko but just that the author wasnt scared to make him a good leader in a REALISTIC way, aka very cynical towards a fire nation prince. you'd think it would be obvious but people get very aggy when you're mean to zuko lol

salvage by muffinlance - obligatory mention <3 beloved fic <3 what to say about salvage that hasn't been said before. it's just an absolute staple of the atla fandom and CREATED its own trope that i very much capitalised off. i just think the whole concept is so so brilliant and it's such a heartfelt fic. it'll always have a very special place in my heart

#missing so many fics that i love in order to make this pretty short but oh well #i read in other fandoms but it's just these three that seem to churn out the real chokehold fics #i also avoided one-shots for this list #here u go <3 #ask #fic recs #haikyuu #jjk #atla

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