#mandrill is gross
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E1&2: "The Breakout"
Okay, I'm skipping ahead to the actual episodes, damnit.
"The Breakout" is the episode that forms the Avengers as a team. In that way it is like The Avengers the MCU film. As I have already noted, the Avengers cast is different. Here it is the original cast from the comic books (Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Ant-man and the Wasp. Captain Americas was NOT one of the original Avengers, though he came in pretty early /nerdrant) .
The story that brings them together is different. In the EMHU, it's been established that SHIELD maintains four super villain prisons (The Big House, The Cube, The Raft, and the Vault) will definitely be exploding (metaphorically ) soon. I believe we have seen the Raft in Captain America: Civil War and The Cube in She-Hulk. I guess the Quantum Realm is basically the Big House for Kang right now.
And, of course, this is the episode where all the super villains break out. Nick Fury, who as director of SHIELD is in charge of the prisons, is both asking these civilians for help, and getting in their way a bit. This is a similar dynamic to what we see in the MCU. They are SORT of doing government work, but not REALLY.
As with most of this series (since it was made in 2010), Iron Man is the focus. We start with him, searching for his "stolen" weapons. And we follow him as he learns about the breakout at the Vault.
I'm not sure if it's coincidence or just that this character has been both a villain and a member of the Avengers, but here Hawkeye, like it the movie, both good and bad. He is "escaping" prison but also helping Tony.
There is something kind of neat about the multiple prison structure here. Each Avenger basically has his own prison to defend, and then all them have to work together in the second part to defeat Graviton. (I think this is the only time it has ever been suggested that Graviton is an important Avengers villain. He's just not a top tier guy like Loki to make them come together for their first fight.) Interestingly, the only other two villains kept at the Raft, which is supposed to be the most secure of the Super Villain prisons are Baron Zemo (who we have seen in Captain America: Civil War and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) and the Purple Man (who was the main antagonist for Jessica Jones on Netflix). Both are going to come back on this show, so this is setup. But, yeah, Graviton.
Banner/Hulk secures the Cube. Iron Man (and Hawkeye) take care of the Vault. Ant-Man and the Wasp fight at the Big House, and Thor fights with Fury at the Raft.
The montage of all the bad guys getting their powers back is a lot of fun.
We get a tiny bit of MODOK (who is in Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantumania) and, of course, the Leader (who will be the villain in Captain America: New World Order)--though we will see much more of him later in GAMMA WORLD.
We also get Doc Sampson. I wonder if Marvel would still have Ty Burrell play that character if they wanted to bring him in for a Hulk project. I'm gonna guess that unlike Tim Roth and Tim Blake Nelson, he'd get recast.
Thor and Jane Foster's dynamic is very cute here.
There is a bit where Hank Pym says he's "disappointed" in Mandrill and that he had "come so far in counseling" and I just want to say, that is not true. Mandrill is gross. He's the worst. His power is rape. Ant-Man is a terrible counselor. (It's crazy that both Mandrill and Purple Man are included on this show for children. Both rapists.)
Anyway, the second part of the episode reveals that SHIELD made Graviton into a supervillain through weird government experiments. (I don't know why the government keeps experimenting on people in the Marvel Comics or EMH universe. It seems to go badly for them most of the time.) He is, understandably, kind of angry that he was imprisoned without any kind of trail or anything.
Notice it's Tony who rushes in to help Janet, not Hank?
Anyway, I don't really like Janet's part of the fight here. She is mostly considered just a pest, except when she aids Hulk, which is more moral support. She's not really shown as an equal threat as the other Avengers. Later fights will prove she is, but here she's still kind of a joke and I don't like it.
What she does do is suggest the men help each other. As if no human male would ever work with other men on their own. It has to be a lady who is like "let's be a team!" If I were a man I'd be kind of insulted by that.
What's funny is that Graviton lifts New York (???) up as a floating city. They do that in Avengers: Age of Ultron. I guess it's an interesting visual but I would never think to do that if I had powers.
Of course Graviton's downfall is mistakenly saying he is "the strongest one there is" and then immediately getting hit by the Hulk. Hulk, we learn, is stronger than gravity itself. Everyone knows that's his thing. Being strong. And the moment where Hulk is surprised Janet would help him (because he is a monster) is oddly touching, but over-played.
The team triumphantly stands over their fallen foe, a shot that is done very similarly in The Avengers.
Thor likes having new friends and wants to go drinking. Fury suggests they all become SHIELD agents to track down all the former prisoners but Tony wants to do it as a team--just not with SHIELD.
Let's call them the Avengers! (Can we drink now?)
Rating: Recommend!
#avengers: earth's mightiest heroes#avengers rewatch#hulk#tony stark#janet van dyne#hank pym#thor odinson#the avengers#graviton#baron zemo#purple man#mandrill is gross
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I took you advice and fought Chill Penguin first. His fight was tedious, but doable. I then looked up the various boss weaknesses.
Spark Mandrill made me snort when I learned that he can be freeze-thaw-freezed to death before he can even do anything! For funsies, I went back to the savestate I had from before the boss and tried it. I couldn’t quite do it perfectly, but the one attack he could do, I dodged easily.
The Armored Armadillo fight was tough. It was the first boss that had an attack I couldn’t dodge just by mindlessly wall-kicking to the ceiling. I had to mindfully do that. Which was actually a blessing in disguise, because mashing the jump button in the previous fights actually hurt my hand a bit.
Launch Octopus was a pain, though, especially when he launched both kinds of projectiles at the same time, an attack I couldn’t dodge. I actually used my basic shot more than his actual weakness! (Apparently the Boomerang Cutter can cut his tentacles off, but by the time I learned that I was at the boss fight and too stubborn to go get it.)
Overall, this game has been fun, even if I’m relying heavily on savestates. But the way I see it, I still have to do the hard stuff. I’m just saving time on attempts.
Also, it seems the bosses’ behavior runs on an RNG, to an extent. Sure, it keeps them unpredictable, but it also means things like bosses repeatedly shooting projectiles that won’t ever hit the player because in the future, robots will fight like 1990s video game bosses. No wonder the protagonists keep winning.
The fandom even has a name for Spark Mandrill's embarrassing weakness to ice: Spark Mandrill Syndrome, when a boss' pattern is reset upon using its weakness. Poor guy.
During your first playthrough it's fine to go through the standard weakness chain, but X1 is famous because beating a stage also affects another, and not necessarily the next one in the chain. For example, beating Storm Eagle (who'd be the 7th boss in your run) makes his plan crash on Spark Mandrill's stage and cause a blackout. It incentivizes breaking away from the chain!
Or yes, that too, the Boomerang Cutter has an effect on Launch Octopus and Flame Mammoth :P
And that's not fracturing how this game introduces for the X series backtracking to collect powerups, which can be minimized with some strategy.
Overall yes, X1 is a very fun game, and by many considered the pinnacle of the X series. It's simple compared to its successors (and I'd say it's on the easier side until you get to the final levels), but it's just very well designed :)
Except for having to find the dash boots in Chill Penguin. That was a gross oversight, considering how useful they are. That's why I told you to start from his level.
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Daredevil #110 (Gerber/Colan, June 1974). Gene Colan returns for the grossness that is Mandrill.
#marvel#marvel 616#daredevil#matt murdock#natasha romanoff#black widow#ben grimm#the thing#mandrill#foggy nelson#steve gerber#gene colan
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Scarlemagne
Voiced by: Dan Stevens
Villainy level: 8
Appears in: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts
This show sure is good at creating repulsive characters that are still… funny? Scarlemagne is the main villain of seasons 1 and 2. He was introduced as a piano-playing mandrill with a Victorian aesthetic who, laughing maniacally, controls other primates through his… own sweat. Absolutely gross! I couldn't believe what I saw! He had no redeeming qualities and, unlike Jamack, Scarlemagne could not be excused for his war crimes in any way, and his personality had not an ounce of mercy! So I could enjoy his madness without worrying about him ever getting turned good. Until the episode 'Sympathy for the Mandrill', that is. Scarlemagne's backstory was quite tragic, as he started out as a science experiment…and was betrayed by his own father figure. In captivity he already spoke quietly of world domination, but after his escape he almost immediately let loose in manic behavior. After this episode, Kipo, the main character, gave him way too many chances to turn 'good'. Even after he literally tried to drown hundreds of people in liquid gold. I was losing my mind over her daring to go up to him again and again, claiming there was goodness in him, to which he simply responded with maniacal laughter each time. It made for an interesting dynamic, but it got kind of bizarre after a while. Scarlemagne hadn't become a good guy, but the main character pretended he had. But the tyrannical ape did not regret the destruction he had caused and the lives he had ruined. But hey, if a naive main character is the price for an enjoyable villain's screen time, I'll have no problem paying it this time, I thought to myself. And then… in the final episodes of the series, with all the extra chances and love Kipo had given him, the Joker Mandrill sacrificed his own life to save hers. I was absolutely amazed. I can't recall ever seeing such a repulsive character who is ultimately made into a hero in a surprisingly believable way. Scarlemagne, or Hugo, is a classic villain at heart who has spent a little too much time with someone who would never let him down.
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What would the ROs be like for a day at the zoo?
Blade: happy to go at a sedate pace, more interested in seeing the predators and birds of prey (and probably evaluating their usefulness in hunting or battle). Refuses to wear a hat all day and gets sunburned </3
Trouble: he picks one animal and is obscenely hyped to see it throughout the entire trip. But the animal changes every time. So like today it's the polar bear "because a polar bear could fuck your shit up so easily, it's insane", but last time it was the majesty of the silverback gorilla that was so undeniable and he just had to see it, and once he did it was just *excited noises* YOOOO IT'S THE GORILLA!!!!!!!! He buys like gorilla merch because he's so amped and is like the #1 gorilla fanboy that day, then promptly forgets about it next time and focuses on an entirely different animal like the gorilla never existed 😂
Tallys: kind of awkward to go with her to a zoo because she's always hyper-conscious and critical of the state of their habitats and how sad it is that they're in the zoo to begin with, so that makes you hyper-conscious of it, too! 😅 But she's very knowledgeable about conservation efforts and which programs are accredited and the best to go to! She really likes seeing the more obscure animals like the pangolin or the okapi!
Shery: she's most excited to see the conventionally "cute" animals like the giant pandas, red pandas, koalas, and etc.! She has her cute little sunhat and a fanny pack and packed eco-friendly snacks! The petting zoo is her favorite part, with the soft sheep and placid deer, even though the goats make her a little nervous!
Riel: he's more interested in reading the placards and informational signs about the animals than watching the animals themselves 😂😂😂 he moves at an extremely slow pace, taking his time, but immediately leaves a habitat if there are screaming children anywhere near it. he enjoys the calmer viewing experience of the marine creatures in their tanks as they drift around! he hates it when he gets to an exhibit and it's either empty or the animal is hiding somewhere 😅he's not used to being denied what he's expecting to see!
Chase: he treats it like a date and is more interested in doing cute date stuff like taking photos in the themed photo booths and buying his date cotton candy to share or a cute animal-themed hat or something like that! he garners a lot of attention for doing magic tricks for the primates and accidentally winds up as a minor celebrity on social media somehow
Red: he has all sorts of educational little tidbits and pieces of trivia about all of the animals and is very talkative and animated throughout the whole day. He's that guy who stops zookeepers to ask them random questions about how many tons of food so-and-so eats a day and how do they arrange veterinary visits for etc.! His favorite habitat is the elephants, but he likes all of the animals! He likes to do a challenge to see who can snap the best picture of an animal by the end of the day, sort of like a Pokemon Snap challenge! Loser has to buy the winner ice cream!
Ayla: she's slightly dramatic and loud throughout the day, like if she wanders past the flamingo exhibit she'll be like "oh my god they smell DISGUSTING 😫💩" or if there's a particularly grotesque-looking rodent she'll yell "EW GROSS"!!!! Overall she acts unimpressed and critical of the animals, but she's actually have a grand time and that's her way of engaging and having fun!
Halek: he's just chilling, he's got his hat and shades on and he's just wandering around, eating popcorn and checking out the animals with the same indifferent gaze as they give to him. the only time he breaks this glaze of detached interest is when he gets to the primates like the mandrills and chimpanzees; something about their social dynamics and intelligence blows his mind and he's like "they're one step away from being just like us... 🤯"
Briony: she's super excited and chatty and has a whole list of favorites she HAS to see for her to view the day as complete; she plans out a whole itinerary so she can see every single exhibit in a specific order to be as efficient and thorough as possible! she seems incapable of seeing an animal without blurting, "Oh my god, [s]he looks exactly like [popular movie animal]!" Ex: lions -> "simba??" snake -> "it looks like that snake that Harry Potter let out of its tank in the first movie!" *tries to speak in Parseltongue at it* rabbit -> "thumper? 🥺" her favorites include the otters, the snow leopard, the fennec fox, and more!
Lavinet: she's taking a LOT of pictures throughout the day, but the majority of the pictures are either selfies or pictures of her posing with the animals, sometimes in ridiculous ways! she's looking very fashionable (possibly too fashionable for an outing at the zoo) and so she'll look at you like you're crazy if you suggest going into the pigs' pen at the petting zoo or something like that. she's most interested in the colorful and exotic birds of the zoo, though she gets a little nervous going into the aviary when she knows there could be an "accident" on her Chanel purse!
#now imagine all of them going to the zoo together as a GROUP#the chaos of it#Shepherds of Haven#modern AU#AU#zoo#all characters#animals
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NY / Rose Tint
Saskia Fleishman, Ascending Moon (Crescent Beach), 2020, acrylic and sand on canvas, 24 x 24 in.
Rose Tint
curated by Kate Mothes
August 14 – September 19, 2021
Tiger Strikes Asteroid New York and Young Space are pleased to present Rose Tint, a five-person exhibition curated by Kate Mothes, featuring the work of Bianca Fields, Esther Ruiz, Leah Guadagnoli, Mark Joshua Epstein, and Saskia Fleishman. There is a psychological phenomenon called rosy retrospection, in which people judge the past in a disproportionately positive light than they judge the present. In the predilection to overlook the challenges of the past, something sinister lurks beneath the enthralling surface of nostalgia, as one can wrap themselves up in it and yet find it more and more difficult to leave it. It’s easy to forget the conflicts and challenges of bygone eras when what we face now feels more difficult than ever before. How will this time be remembered? It seems impossible that we might view it as “simpler” after a few decades have passed, and yet we probably will find a way. The present is always too immediate to place in context. Another psychological phenomenon called the fading affect bias suggests that people have much stronger emotional reactions to positive memories than to negative ones. May we always live in interesting times.
Bianca Fields (b. 1995) Bianca Fields (b. Cleveland, OH, 1995) is a visual artist based in Kansas City, MO. Fields received her BFA from the Cleveland Institute of Art, Cleveland, OH (2019) in Painting. Field's work introduces a manifestation of her perceived imagination and material sensibilities within the paint itself; inviting animals and the world of cartoons along for a frenzied ride of happiness and fear. Her paintings are what she considers her aesthetic, guttural response to pop cultural phenomena. Amplifying the screams and yelps from her beloved exotic creatures, such as the mandrill monkey, she often crowds her compositions seeking to create visual noise and tension within her paintings. A selection of recent exhibitions includes shows with Dragon Crab and Turtle (Kansas City, MO and Bologna, IT), Steve Turner Contemporary (Los Angeles, CA), Ruttkowski;68 (Paris, France), and Bellevue Art Museum (Seattle, WA).
biancafields.weebly.com / IG: @beeyonkerz
Esther Ruiz (b. 1986) uses a minimalist vocabulary to create relics of imagined experiences. Of her creative process, she says: ”The imagery I work with is born out of exploring and researching fictional places imagined in my mind... Ultimately, my work exists as an effort to visually explain an emotional state of mind with mathematical acuteness.” She begins with a collection of emotions, memories, impressions of light, and sounds, then translates them into an abstract geometric aesthetic. Selected recent exhibitions include Torrance Art Museum (Torrance, CA), Cleo Gallery (Savannah, GA), Art in Buildings (NY, NY), De Novo Gallery (Washington, DC), Ladies’ Room LA (Los Angeles, CA), Reynolds Gallery (Richmond, VA), Collar Works (Troy, NY), Jacob’s West for SPRING/BREAK (Los Angeles, CA), and Field Projects (NY, NY).
estherruiz.com / IG: @esther___ruiz (3 underscores)
Leah Guadagnoli (b. 1989) lives and works between Brooklyn, NY and the Hudson Valley and is represented by Hollis Taggart in NYC. Her work incorporates elements of sculpture, painting, graphic design, and architecture into whimsical, idiosyncratic works that defy easy classification. Often drawing on the aesthetics of her Midwestern upbringing, the artist appropriates designs and patterns from the 80s’ and 90s’ -- often considered kitschy -- presenting them in fresh and dynamic ways. She received her BFA in Painting and Art History at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and her MFA in Visual Arts at the Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers University. Recent solo exhibitions include Asya Geisberg Gallery (New York, NY), Victori + Mo (Brooklyn, NY), Sadie Halie Projects (Minneapolis, MN), and 247365 (New York, NY). Recent group exhibitions include Cooke Latham Gallery (London, England), Hesse Flatow (New York, NY), Allouche Benias Gallery (Athens, Greece), Hollis Taggart Contemporary (New York, NY), Freight + Volume (New York, NY), Hashimoto Contemporary (San Francisco, CA), Ortega y Gasset (Brooklyn, NY), and White Columns (New York, NY). Her work has been reviewed by The New York Times, Hyperallergic, Art F City, Cultured Magazine, and Architectural Digest, among others. Guadagnoli has an upcoming solo exhibition at Hollis Taggart this November.
leahguadagnoli.com / IG: @lavenderladysupreme
Mark Joshua Epstein (b. 1979) received an MFA from the Slade School of Fine Arts, University College London, and a BFA from the School of the Museum of Fine Arts Boston. Selected solo or 2-person shows include SPRING/BREAK Art Show (NY, NY), Handwerker Gallery, Ithaca College (Ithaca, NY), NARS Foundation Project Space (Brooklyn, NY), Caustic Coastal (Salford, England), and Vane Gallery (Newcastle, England). Throughout the past several months, he has reconnected to a vital focus on pure pattern as an expression of entering into a new environment and settling into its pace and local culture. Influenced by geometric abstraction, Op Art, and Pattern and Decoration Movement of the mid-1970s and early 1980s, Epstein’s exuberant patterns explore queer ornament and geometric excess in their hugged edges and dancing colors. The details are precise yet intimate, highlighting the intricacy of Epstein’s process of patternmaking that underscores the presence of the artist’s hand. He is currently based in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
markjoshuaepstein.com / IG: @markjoshuaepstein
Saskia Fleishman (b. 1995) graduated Rhode Island School of Design in 2017 with a B.F.A. in painting. In her recent paintings, landscape photographs are recomposed as geometric abstractions derived from the color studies in Josef Albers' ”The Interaction Of Color.��� This process involves tilting the image, flipping the horizon line, cutting out a part of the landscape, or creating colored transparencies with chiffon. These gestures serve to suggest an alternative way of thinking and identifying our memories embedded within landscapes, where nothing is absolute, and everything is relative. The paintings pair flat and smooth masked airbrushed gradients with textural materials such as sand and burlap.
Fleishman has been an artist in residence at Jentel Artist Residency, Vermont Studio Center, Wassaic Project, PADA Studios, ChaNorth and Trestle Studios, and a curator in residence at Otis College of Art and Design. Saskia’s work has been exhibited in a recent solo exhibition at Silo 6776 in New Hope, PA, and in group exhibitions across the United States, and in Rome and Portugal. Fleishman is based in Philadelphia, PA.
saskiafleishman.com / IG: @flesh___man (3 underscores)
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more Hugo/Scarlemagne headcanons (they’re mostly sad because his whole life has just been really traumatic. maybe 1/?)
-Despite Lio and Song’s best efforts to make the process easier, Hugo’s always hated being forced to drink the experimental formula. It tastes gross, and it’s still a very invasive procedure. He also dislikes the whole thing because of the nature of experimenting with a formula that will mutate him to isolate the mutagen; he’s pumped with several iterations of a highly risky experimental formula, and there have been side effects--like making him sick. Different formula iterations have ranged from making him a little sick to very sick. It doesn’t always happen, but it’s happened before, and Hugo could never figure out a pattern, it adds an unbearable unpredictability to his predicament; he knows the formula will taste disgusting, it’ll feel invasive, and there’s a 50/50 chance it’ll make him sick. Being made to drink the experimental formula has always been an awful experience for Hugo, and he was made to do it constantly.
-When a formula iteration starts to finally successfully mutate him, part of Hugo’s excitement over showing Lio and Song he can finally do what they’ve wanted from him is because he hopes this means they’ll stop making him drink that gross and sometimes illness-inducing formula. They do stop making him drink the stuff, and he’s happy for that.
-Hugo also hopes that once he’s finally done what they wanted him to do with the blocks and his name “Hugo,” that they’ll finally let him follow them out of the door they always leave through.
-That doesn’t happen, and he’s disappointed, but he tries to focus on happier things like the music and books and such he’s better able to understand under Lio and Song’s tutelage.
-When Hugo showed he could speak and understand his name, “Hugo,” that was largely the extent of his growing sentient intelligence then. So while Hugo understood they were happy because he had finally done what they wanted him to do, he didn’t really understand why Lio and Song suddenly looked distressed. (Hadn’t he done a good job?) Hugo had to learn more afterward, but he learned quickly.
-While Lio and Song tried to be kind and started to care about Hugo, the DNA Burrow has generally mistreated him and only done the bare minimum to keep him intact for experimental purposes. The DNA Burrow regularly deprives him. Any toys and books and such he ends up receiving are only done in the interests of “enrichment” for an experiment meant to be mutated to gain sentient intelligence; it makes sense to the DNA Burrow to give the experiment things that might help trigger the sentient intelligence they want to see. But the DNA Burrow certainly doesn’t consider actual comprehensive care for Hugo, like socialization, affection, letting him out of his room and the other lab rooms he’s restricted to, etc.
-Another example of this mistreatment/negligence/cruelty: Hugo has largely always slept alone in the room he’s confined to. This is actually a big deal for him and his development because he’s not only a baby but a mandrill baby; it seems generally natural for mandrill babies to sleep with their mothers/family, to have their physical presence close. Lab protocol bars Lio and Song from even trying to stay and sleep with him through the night even once, and them taking him to only their apartment is out of the question. Hugo has never gotten used to this, and has been left longing for the sensation of sleeping with someone nearby.
-Hugo/Scarlemagne has still never slept with anyone in the same room as him. He has still never slept with someone nearby. Deep down he still longs to finally experience this, but is more prone to burying the desire now.
-Hugo experienced extreme sensory overload when he was forced onto the surface. He had lived in nothing but small 4-corner rooms and 4-corner cages until then. When he later says he was forced into a world a billion times bigger than anything he had ever imagined, he very much means it, listen to his intensity when he says it. That’s because his world had been so much smaller and confined before, and his upbringing so limited. Unlike Kipo, who had wider caverns and such to explore underground in her burrow, Hugo was virtually imprisoned within small spaces in his burrow.
-Before being forced to the surface, Hugo’s only experience with dirt had been the small potted plants Lio and Song left in his room. Dirt everywhere had been another shock and added to his sensory overload.
-Part of why Hugo wondered if Lio had even gone back to check for him at the site of the collapse was because Hugo had gone back to the wreckage to look for Lio, Song, and even the baby though he thought she still hadn’t been born yet. Hugo had only found bodies of other DNA Burrow people, which only added to his trauma. (Over the next 13 years, these bodies would decompose and be consumed by Fun-Gus.)
-Early on, Hugo once tried to refuse food and water in a desperate effort to make Emilia stop forcing him to run so much and so long every day, and to let him out of the cage and see Lio and Song again. Her response was to have him strapped down and force fed. After that, Hugo never refused his ration of food and drink again.
-Emilia did give Hugo limited rations in an effort to motivate him to run faster and harder. To Hugo’s frustration, it generally worked.
-Emilia would also try to interrogate Hugo about Lio and Song sometimes when she had him in the treadmill cage. She had her suspicions about them, and now that Hugo’s sentient intelligence was confirmed, she could try him as a source. Hugo tried to avoid saying anything that would get Lio and Song in more trouble. These interrogations were not pleasant.
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The Lion King at 34
A review by Adam D. Jaspering
In 1985, Disney released The Black Cauldron. A financial and critical flop, it followed a long string of films ranging from poor to just good enough. The Black Cauldron is widely considered the low-point of Disney history. Nine years later, The Lion King was released. It was the highest grossing film of 1994, and the highest grossing film ever from Disney Studios. The Lion King is widely considered one of the greatest animated films of all time.
The levels of effort on display in The Lion King are apparent from the film’s opening moments. The sun rising from the horizon; a metaphor for a new beginning. We the audience know immediately this day is an important day. Narratively strong, but also visually gorgeous. The animators had the foresight to draw heat haze. We know it’s hot. We know it’s early morning. We know we’re on the African savannah. We know something significant is happening this morning. We learn so much about the film from just the first second.
The film continues, displaying the full scope of the film’s setting. The scenery of Africa is populated by a wide array of animals. A parade of creatures are depicted in full, resplendent glory. Lumbering, titanic elephants. Graceful fleets of flamingos. Processions of zebra. Even lowly ants seem majestic. While the animals will speak and dance later in the film, here they are drawn with complete realism. There are wildlife documentaries not as immersive as this.
While the opening is visually impressive, the sound is just as enrapturing. The aural blast of an unseen singer grabs the audience by the lapels and commands attention. The music of the film’s songwriters, Tim Rice and Elton John, rings out in jubilation. The operatic “Circle of Life” features passionate Zulu lyrics, and a supporting choir. After the opening supernova a warm, matronly voice carries us along. We can hear in tone, this is a film about mother nature, life, birth, and love.
We’re introduced to the film’s principle characters, all dialogue free. We bear witness to the birth announcement of the titular lion king, Simba. This is the power the lions wield over the African lands. Fauna from all over come to honor the future king. Even species the lions regularly feast upon.
As the opening continues, Rafiki, the mandrill shaman, hoists Simba aloft. The gathered animals erupt in a cheer of celebration. The music crescendos into its grand finale. Everything hits its climax simultaneously then stops immediately. The film smash cuts to the title screen. We the audience sit in silence, staring at the film title; a brief moment of respite. All this emotion, all this spectacle, all this majesty, and we’re only four minutes into the film. Whatever follows, we are in for an experience.
Many are quick to credit The Lion King as a loose adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Both feature a young prince whose rightful ascension to the throne is usurped by his malevolent uncle. Hamlet speaks with the ghost of his father concerning destiny, just as Simba does. Both spend long stints absent from their kingdom, abetted by two friends who impugn the seriousness of the prince’s affairs. Both grapple with doubt and their wills to act.
But while the two stories hit several common markers, the differences are staggering. Hamlet is driven mostly by revenge, instructed by his father to kill his uncle. Simba is simply trying to fulfill his destiny, even going so far as to try and spare his uncle. Hamlet is incredibly melancholy, wracked with grief, despair, and often contemplates suicide. Simba is more driven by guilt and shame. Hamlet is reckless and impulsive. His actions lead to the deaths of nearly everyone he cares for, himself included. The Lion King ends in an uplifting manner, with the heroes triumphant and happy.
There’s no doubt Hamlet served as an early framework for The Lion King. But the movie developed and evolved, moving away from its Shakespearean origins. Hamlet and The Lion King have many blatant parallels, which perpetuates the comparison, but calling The Lion King an adaptation is generous.
The Lion King differentiates severely in plot, themes, and structure. It’s loosely inspired by Hamlet, but not directly representative. It’s as much inspired by Hamlet as the biblical tale of Joseph. The Lion King may have once been intended as an adaptation of Hamlet, but that’s not the movie it eventually became.
This brings up the other major “inspiration” of The Lion King, an anime series named Kimba, The White Lion. Kimba was the creation of Japanese cartoonist Osamu Tezuka. Tezuka is considered a legendary figure in Japanese animation, lovingly referred to as “The Godfather of Manga.” His career was defined by a wide library in print and visual mediums, iconic characters, innovative techniques, and clever writing. Many animation scholars consider him the Japanese equivalent of Walt Disney.
Kimba tells the story of a lion cub born on a ship after his mother was captured by poachers. When storms wreck the ship, Kimba swims to dry land. There, he finds an adoptive home in a strange jungle. He forms a motley crew of friends, and learns how to become king like his father once was.
Both The Lion King and Kimba feature lion cubs living in their father’s shadows. Both are beckoned by a heavenly apparition to fulfill their destinies as king. Both feature an evil lion with a scarred eye as an antagonist, ultimately thrown off a rocky cliff. Both feature a menagerie of birds, hyenas, warthogs, meerkats, and mandrills. Both protagonists have 80% similar names.
Narratively, there is a wide gap between Kimba and The Lion King. The Lion King is centrally focused on the life of Simba. Kimba, being an episodic series, has a variety of storylines. The anime focuses heavily on Kimba’s interactions with other jungle creatures, even humans. Kimba spends more time being a hero than a king.
Despite all the similarities, the two works are distinct and different. That said, it is impossible to ignore the visual plagiarism on display. It’s blatantly obvious at least a few storyboard artists lifted ideas straight out of Kimba. Somebody was lazy enough, shameless enough, or crooked enough to outright steal.
It’s one thing for The Lion King to crib story elements from an established public domain work. It’s another thing to steal iconographic elements from a property barely twenty years old. Both directors of The Lion King claimed they were unfamiliar with Kimba. They insist their hands are clean of any wrongdoing. That any similarity was a coincidence.
Several animators on staff also admit to being familiar with Kimba, even being fans of the series. They too insist the similarities were complete coincidence. While innocence is certainly possible, such blatant visual similarities make the claim dubious.
Let’s assume the worst case scenario: somebody on Disney outright ripped off Kimba. They weren’t caught until after the film’s completion. If the truth ever got out, they risked a lawsuit and a tainted reputation. The directors ordered a uniform position from their staff, denying all plagiarism. Because Kimba is widely unknown by most Americans, it would be easy to deny. Their defense would be a refuge in pompous audacity. Disney was the largest animation company in the world. Why would a company so big and influential resort to stealing from a small overseas studio?
Let’s assume the best case scenario: somebody on Disney loved Kimba the White Lion. When they first watched the series, certain moments became rooted in their subconscious. Years later, they became an animator or storyboard artist on an unrelated feature film about lions. Those memorized images manifested, being unknowingly recreated.
Tezuka Productions, the Japanese media company that owns Kimba, have never pursued legal actions with Disney. They prefer to believe the best case scenario. They claimed any two stories about lions in the jungle are bound to feature similarities. More than that, The Lion King’s story is different enough from Kimba’s, it’s a moot point.
Even though Tezuka Productions sees no wrongdoing, others are not so quick to forgive. There’s a very popular theory that Tezuka Productions were either silently paid-off by Disney, or intimidated into submission. Disney’s litigation efforts are notoriously draconian. As beloved as Disney’s parks and movies are, many people fear the company’s corporate side.
Notable figureheads in both Japanese and American media have campaigned for the truth. Not even financial restitution, but a mere acknowledgement Tezuka influenced the Disney film. Both The Lion King’s production staff and Disney’s corporate side have refused. Since Disney insists upon its innocence and Tezuka Productions refuses to investigate, it’s increasingly unlikely we’ll never know the truth.
The big premise at the center of The Lion King is a concept known as “The Circle of Life.” The Circle of Life is an explanation of fate, recurrence, existentialism, and somehow also conservation. It explains life and death and purpose in a way that makes sense for animals. It’s a very elegant metaphor that encapsulates all the themes of the film, making it accessible to kids. This is deep-seated philosophy, bold storytelling, and Disney pulled it off easily.
As Simba’s father, Mufasa, explains, the Circle of Life is the concept that all life is connected. One’s life is influenced by all others through birth, life, and death. A king’s reign begins with the death of his father. Predators will eat their prey, but in death, the predator’s bodies become grass, which the prey eat. Life is in a perpetual, delicate balance. All have a role to play.
Which is why it’s odd the film features a deep-seated hostility between lions and hyenas. If Mufasa is so intent on maintaining the natural order, predisposed by nature, why does he scorn an entire species? They’re not an invasive species. They’re not parasitic. They’re not overpopulated. Mufasa outright scorns them and never gives any real justification why. We’re all part of the Circle of Life, except for the hyenas who can go die alone in a pit.
Mufasa makes his disdain for hyenas clear. He spends the first act keeping the hyenas corralled and contained in a desolate area of the Pride Lands. He doesn’t allow them to leave. Them venturing beyond the desolate Elephant Graveyard is considered an emergency. The three hyenas prominently featured are jerks, but what could hyenas be doing as a species that’s so evil?
The Lion King does many things well. It’s fantastic animation, fantastic music, and fantastic emotional resonance. It falters with its story. It’s not poorly written or unengaging; it’s problems lie in theme. The Lion King advocates certain points the screenwriters probably did not intend.
For starters, the film advocates the necessity of a monarchy. It proffers the idea that rulers are divinely chosen through heredity. That a populace should not have a say in who leads them, but be subservient to the system in place. An idea most of the world rejected in the 18th and 19th centuries.
Mufasa is the leader of the Pride Lands. Just as his father before him, and Simba will after him. When Simba is manipulated into believing he killed his father, Simba abandons his lineage. Simba runs away, choosing a life free of responsibility and obligation. He’s choosing this life based on bad information, but he is choosing it.
Many characters insist Simba return. Not because they’re his friends and family and they miss him. Not because they worry about him and his unhealthy grieving practices. Not because they need a leader, and believe in his ability. They encourage him to return because he is the rightful king. If Simba wasn’t heir to the throne, it’s implied they’d let him stay exiled. The world is thrown out of balance because the prince has abandoned his birthright. This is improper, and everybody wants things put right, regardless of what Simba wants. The Circle of Life is also a curse, apparently. It invalidates free will.
Second, the hyenas are unfairly subjected to second-class citizenship. Every animal in Mufasa’s kingdom has a level of autonomy and respect. Some are hunted for food, but they’re still respected. The hyenas are not afforded such privilege.
The fact that hyenas are forced to live on the outskirts, patrolled, subjugated, and demeaned is concerning. Their existence implies the kingdom can only operate through segregation. That certain animals, by virtue of birth, are undesirables. Whether through prejudice, scapegoating, or intolerance, Mufasa has decried hyenas as uncivilized and unworthy of society.
It’s no surprise the hyenas group in large number to help overthrow Mufasa’s reign. Their efforts are incited and devised by Mufasa’s younger brother, Scar. Desperate to usurp his brother’s throne, he exploits the hyena’s plight to his own advantage. The hyenas have been mistreated for generations, and they demand change. But the hyenas aren’t painted as a noble resistance or freedom-fighters, they’re anarchists.
If the film’s hero is a king; revolutionaries are of course villains. There’s no grey morality or debate. The hyenas are depicted as Nazis and the allegory is not subtle. The hyenas literally goose-step in rank as they parade past Scar.
To the film’s credit, the writers also accidentally make a very good point. While the hyenas have every right to rebel, their movement isn’t an organic one. They’ve been radicalized and manipulated by Scar into believing it’s something they want. Scar is an outside instigator, forcing himself into a political struggle so that he may profit. It’s not a hyena demanding hyena rights. It’s a lion exploiting hyena discontent for his own purpose. It’s glossed over in the text, but Scar demonstrates how easy it is to astroturf a revolution.
Once again, Disney trots out serious themes of demagoguery and populism. A charismatic leader boosts his power by pandering to the lowest common denominator. He paints the established system as the source of all misery. In exchange for devotion, they and they alone can eliminate the oppressors. They and they alone can save the population. They and they alone can usher in a new era of prosperity by demolishing the status quo. An almost cult-like devotion is formed, violently installing this so-called savior.
With no other recourse, the system is forced to install a leader with no experience and no desire to actually lead. Things fall apart due to a combination of inaction and incompetence. The rabble-rouser had no intention of ever taking his role seriously. His reign is nothing but an ego trip that negatively impacts the entire populace. He wants neither the duties or responsibilities of leading. He only wants the prestige, and to spite the previous administration. Thank goodness this is only a cartoon and nothing like this would ever happen in real life.
The Pride Lands descends into a totalitarian state. A grim warning for all those watching. Fascism is dangerous, no matter how many claims of unity are disingenuously promised. Be aware of sudden changes to election laws or hierarchal structure. Watch out for the installation of paramilitary goon squads to enforce order. Beware when those who speak out against the new leader are imprisoned or derided. It happened in the Pride Lands. It could happen here.
The repeated recitations of the tenets of the Circle of Life is grim foreshadowing. No movie discusses death in great lengths for no reason. To fulfill his ascent to the throne, Scar conspires to kill both Simba and Mufasa. He leads Simba into a gorge, incites a stampede of wildebeest, and lets the inevitable happen.
Mufasa rescues Simba, but Mufasa himself is trapped by the steep canyon walls. His feeble attempts to climb out are thwarted by Scar. He kills his brother, staring him in the eye, throwing him into the stampede below. Mufasa is crushed by the stampede, killed instantly.
Despite appearing unbruised and unbloody, Mufasa is dead. He is unequivocally dead. He’s not battered and exhausted, rousing when all hope seems lost. He is not in an eternal slumber, waiting for a miracle to wake him. There is no magic in this world, making his death a temporary inconvenience. Mufasa’s body is motionless. He’s not breathing. The pleas and cries of his son do not make him move. Mufasa is dead.
In 1941, Disney made the shocking decision to depict the death of Bambi’s mother. While she was shot offscreen, her death was deliberate and unmistakable. It was a shocking, dramatic moment, especially for a kids film. It’s impact was felt for generations. Bambi is often a child’s first introduction to the concept of death. Both its permanence and its severity.
As impactful as the moment was, Disney did cheat slightly. Bambi addresses the heavy theme of death and murder, but cuts and runs early. Bambi is shaken and forever changed by his mother’s death, murdered by unfeeling hunters. But he doesn’t grieve. The primary emotion displayed is confusion. He barely understands where his mother is and what happened to her.
When Bambi is told his mother is dead, the scene cuts immediately. We don’t see Bambi process the death, grieve, or mourn. His mother is dead, and that’s the end of the scene. The film jumps forward in time, well after his mother’s death. Bambi is an adult who’s fully moved on. In Bambi, death is a part of life. It can be both sudden and traumatizing. But it’s not something worth focusing on. Disney begins a conversation about death, but abandons it quickly.
The Lion King addresses trauma properly. Mufasa was killed in front of Simba’s eyes. It was violent, unexpected, and instant. What’s more, Simba is convinced he is at fault for the whole affair. Simba believes had he not been in the gorge, none of this would have happened. Not only must Simba deal with the death of his father, but also the ensuing guilt. Unable to cope with all these emotions, Simba literally runs away from his problems.
Upon Simba’s exile, he’s found by a pair of passing travelers. Timon, a meerkat, and Pumbaa, a warthog. The duo live in a picturesque rainforest, past a desert outside the Pride Lands. Both have tragic backstories forcing them to abandon polite society (or the animal equivalent) and live as recluses. Timon and Pumbaa welcome Simba with open arms. Partially because they feel sorry for the isolated child. Partially because there’s an advantage to befriending an apex predator while living in the jungle.
While the film has had moments of comedy so far, its primary concern is its trenchant themes. Timon and Pumbaa are so broadly humorous, they significantly shift the tone of the movie. Timon is a motormouth, hyperactive, prone to screaming, and will never pass up an opportunity to make a bad pun. Pumbaa is large, dimwitted, overly dramatic, and has surprisingly deep, sensitive tendencies despite his oafishness.
These two characters clash in both style and substance with the rest of the picture. In another movie, this would be a significant black mark. In The Lion King, the pair works.
Comic relief is a necessary element of storytelling. Recentering away from harsh elements lets audiences acclimate to what has happened. When laughing, audiences let their guard down. When a film’s intensity is lowered, the storyline has a moment of respite. The audience is at ease. New elements can be introduced for the next pivotal scene. A movie cannot redline throughout its runtime. It needs peaks and valleys.
This theory is doubly important in children’s media. Fickle and emotion-driven audience will abandon media if they feel threatened or bored. The Lion King has some of the heaviest themes in the Disney canon. And with the powerful drama comes the requisite need for powerful comic relief. There’s a balance to be maintained. A kids movie can have deep philosophical discussions about mortality and destiny if its partnered with a farting warthog.
This is a justification of whether Timon and Pumbaa belong in The Lion King. Whether they contribute to the fullest of their abilities is another matter. Timon and Pumbaa are the film’s designated comic relief characters, but do they contribute anything else?
Timon and Pumbaa take in the young Simba at the beginning of his exile. Their home is tropical jungle paradise, free of worry, work, or obligation. The three are free to do whatever they please. As a traumatized child, this benefits Simba. It helps him cope with his father’s loss. As he grows into adulthood, it raises question of idleness and disengagement. Much like the Odyssean Lotus Eaters, Simba is trapped in a world of excess and unfulfillment.
It’s exemplified by the motto and accompanying song, “Hakuna Matata.” Directly translated as “No Worries,” the Hakuna Matata lifestyle is detachment. That an individual must forget their troubles and enjoy life.
Not necessarily a bad message, but confusing within the context of the film. Simba has many responsibilities as king of the Pride Lands. Eventually, he rejects Hakuna Matata by the film’s third act. It’s wrong for Simba, but is it wrong in general? Are Timon and Pumbaa advocating an unhealthy philosophy? Hakuna Matata seems the antithesis to the Circle of Life.
Timon and Pumbaa aren’t corrupting or deceptive. They’re not leading Simba astray like Pinocchio to Pleasure Island. They’re trying to help Simba. They’re sharing their worldview; their personal credo that made them content. Hakuna Matata works for them. If it were a bad lifestyle, it would be declared a bad lifestyle at some point in the movie. If its long-term degradation effects were meant to be subtext, the filmmakers wouldn’t give such a bad lifestyle a jaunty song, would they?
The two leave their jungle paradise to assist Simba in reclaiming his throne. They help defeat Scar and his hyena army. Both are seen at the film’s conclusion, celebrating the victory. After a time jump, both stand alongside Simba at the birth announcement of Simba’s own son.
But did Timon and Pumbaa learn anything? Did they change at all? Did they say their farewells and return to the jungle, or do they continue to live with Simba? Do Timon and Pumbaa join the Circle of Life, rejecting Hakuna Matata, moving to the Pride Lands? Are they simply visiting for the birth announcement? Are they still isolationists, or have they reintegrated into society? Are they teaching other animals about Hakuna Matata?
We don’t know what happens to Timon and Pumbaa. We don’t know how they feel or how they think at film’s end. We don’t know if their goals are met, or changed, or even if they had goals at all. They have no character arcs because they’re barely characters. They’re the comic relief. Their purpose is to tell a joke and get out of the way.
With only one shallow purpose, one would assume everything Timon and Pumbaa does is comedy gold. The two borrow heavily from the oeuvre of Genie from Aladdin. They seem consciously aware they exist in a movie. Timon directly addresses the camera, asking Pumbaa to censor his language for the sake of “the kids.” Pumbaa makes a reference to the 1967 police film In the Heat of the Night (“They call me Mister Pig!”). Both know the lyrics to “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” despite living in an uninhabited area of Africa, hundreds of miles from the nearest radio.
While humor is a subjective thing, these pop culture references are distracting. There were plenty of ways to be funny within the context and environment of the film. Instead, Timon and Pumbaa tried to be trendy. Being referential doesn’t suit the style of the The Lion King.
Child actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas voices young Simba. He does an admirable job voicing the bravado and naivety of a privileged youth. There’s an undeserved arrogance and young exuberance in his voice. But Thomas also has opportunities to show his range. Young Simba’s voice has a weighty feeling of genuine sorrow and fear in the film’s more tragic scenes.
Adult Simba is voiced by Matthew Broderick. While Thomas had a brief career in television before The Lion King, Broderick was an established actor. He was a household name for over a decade. Disney learned something important from Robin Williams in Aladdin: big stars attract big crowds. Broderick was chosen not exclusively for his acting abilities. He was chosen because his name would attract potential moviegoers.
Matthew Broderick has a very low-key, almost monotone acting style. While this may serve him well in live-action productions, his stoic delivery isn’t suited to animation. His rendition of Simba comes across as bored and detached. The required energy for an animated character is never expressed. Broderick’s performance isn’t fitting of a lion in Africa, but a lazy housecat.
Broderick’s inability is all the more obvious when he acts opposite James Earl Jones, the voice of Mufasa. Jones has one of the most powerful, authoritative voices in film history. Every word he speaks has gravity and panache behind it. Every word by James Earl Jones are the words of a king. Everything said by Matthew Broderick are the words of an actor hired for marquee value.
The Lion King features conflicting themes, inconsistent morals, and paper-thin characters. Upon scrutiny, one may consider it to be a wildly problematic film. In another text, an evil king somehow causing a drought would be a sign of bad writing. But watching The Lion King, one never feels slighted, cheated, or deceived. Not even after examination. When the film is examined as a whole, it’s apparent the movie is accomplishing something different from the rest of the Disney canon.
More than just a fable or a narrative, The Lion King is a philosophical story. The actual plot isn’t all that significant, and neither are the characters. They’re flavors and they make the film interesting to watch, but its not really their movie. They’re assisting the central thesis. The deep-rooted theories of life and death, the Circle of Life, are the crux of the film. All that matters is Simba learning and embodying this ideal. All else is scenery.
The Lion King is a film of contrasts. Stellar animation and unforgettable music are matched with crude humor and nonsense gags. Heavy philosophy is the bedrock for a wispy plot. Underdeveloped characters deliver amazingly powerful scenes. It’s flawed, but it’s a masterpiece within the flaws. It wouldn’t be the same film without its blemishes.
Every element plays its own part. Everything is in delicate balance. Nine years earlier, Disney Animation was once in a nadir. Now it was at its apex. The Lion King itself takes place in the circle of life.
Beauty and the Beast
Fantasia
The Lion King
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Cinderella
Alice in Wonderland
Sleeping Beauty
The Little Mermaid
Aladdin
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Pinocchio
The Jungle Book
Robin Hood
The Sword in the Stone
Bambi
The Great Mouse Detective
101 Dalmatians
The Three Caballeros
Lady and the Tramp
The Rescuers Down Under
The Fox and the Hound
Peter Pan
Dumbo
The Black Cauldron
Melody Time
Oliver & Company
The Rescuers
Saludos Amigos
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
The Aristocats
Fun and Fancy Free
Make Mine Music
#The Lion King#1994#Disney#walt disney#Walt Disney Animation Studios#disney studios#Disney Canon#movie review#Film Criticism#film analysis
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Gonna say something controversial here...if they're villains, isn't the point of their actions to show they're bad? I'm not justifying Enchantress' actions at all, but she *is* a bad guy. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted your meaning!
I agree. I don’t think villains should have moral compass, otherwise they wouldn’t be villains. I’m not just positive about this kind of narrative choice. Personally, it’s a heavy triggering suject, especially when you consider the Women in refrigerators trope. I mean, I’m quite tired of this.
In my humble opinion, I prefer villains that explore the psychological part of the hero, not the physical one. And don’t worry, I’m aware you’re not justifying her actions. She’s a villain and she acts like one. I couldn’t expect a different behavior, though I’d rather read something that didn’t involve this kind of action. I feel the same towards Mandrill, for instance. He’s Enchantress’ opposite and attracts women to do his will through his hormones. I mean, it’s gross, you know? Not a fan, definitely not a fan of this resource.
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Is the fact that a villain is problematic an issue? He’s the villain. Something that was hugely problematic was Starfox. He is gross. And that She Hulk story they did was grosser. I get that Starlin wanted him to be the sex drive to Thanos’ death drive but still. I like that he’s disfigured and turning evil in GOTG. I think mandrill is fine as long he stays campy and no one writes a monkey rape scene.
Yeah. The Mandrill is pretty silly and ultimately innocuous. Strafox and more-so The Purple Man venture into the truly vile. Theoretically, villains who kill people are the worst... yet us reader are a bit inured to violence and death occurring in comic stories. Sexual assault is a different matter. Ostensively it is not better nor worse than murder, but in the realm of genre fiction is does come across as somehow more evil than murder.
The Joker killed lots of people and though he was a very bad guy, he was fun to read about. That changed after ‘The Killing Joke’ where he shot and sexually assaulted Barbara Gordon. It took it beyond the pale and I haven’t enjoyed Joker stories ever since. Some people look at the Killing Joke as one of the great Batman tales, but I don’t feel that way at all. The art was good and it was well written, but I hate how it treated Barbara and it ruined The Joker for me forever.
The same is true for Dr. Light, revealed as a rapist in Identity Crisis. He went from a fun, silly villain to someone I wanted to see killed off and forgotten about.
It’s not that i feel that the matter of sexual violence would be just swept under the carpet. Far from it. It’s just that those villains who are sexual predators should never be posed in a light that no one will root for them. The Purple Man in the pages of Jessica Jones (as well as the television series) is a good example. No sympathy is offered, no laughs. He was a devil and remained a devil throughout.
All this said, I can’t say I’ve read every tale featuring The Mandrill. I don’t know if he ever used his powers to rape his victims, or if it was ever even intimated. I hope not. And if he has, then he should be killed off. There is so rarely true justice for the victims of sex crimes in the real world, but fictional worlds can be controlled and as such it would be nice for there to be at least one realm where all rapists get what they deserve.
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E8: Some Assembly Required
I think you should skip to this one after "The Breakout." Maybe you can watch the episode about Captain America, but boy I wouldn't watch the others.
This episode starts with the Avengers capturing Mandrill. I noted in my last post that Mandrill is gross so this is why I love the Avengers. Mandrill surrenders when he sees the Hulk. Thor says he "shames all monkeys with his cowardice." Nah he shames monkeys with his existence, but I appreciate you making fun of him, Thor. I want to kick him when he's down too.
Meanwhile, on the docks, a black-clad figure comes ashore. Who could it be? Oh gosh I can't stand the suspense. Anyway, the shot of Black Panther (spoilers!) crawling down the chain in the moonlight is cool.
Everyone except Pepper and the Hulk are late to the first Avengers meeting at the Avengers Mansion. I like when Jan lands on Thor's element and just... stays there for the rest of the scene.
Jan is very excited about the Avengers and she seems to be the only one. I think that is why I like this iteration of Jan. She wants to help people. She leaves her "penthouse" apartment to stay at the Mansion (like that's a downgrade? I'm not sure). She's not a reluctant, jaded hero. She's like, "this is so cool. I want to save everyone and kick ass!" It reminds me a bit of Kamala Khan's energy, but she's not a fan. You know? Not everything has to be dark and terrible and angsty.
Speaking of angsty, the Enchantress is manipulating Hulk by pretending to be Banner in his head. Telling him not to trust the Avengers. So Hulk quits. I guess this is a bit similar to Wanda manipulating the Hulk in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Marvel loves to make the Avengers fight each other for dumb reasons. Thor tries to bring him back, it gets messy.
We get our first "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE" from Tony, which is cool. Less cool is it is to go fight Hulk who should be part of the assembly?
JARVIS figures out there's a strange "energy" around the Hulk and Thor guesses he's been enchanted. Like, could you maybe do these scans before you start hitting each other and damaging property, next time?
Hulk only stops fighting the Avengers when Janet is squished. Because everyone loves Janet, she's just so cute. (And also she and Hulk had that moment in "The Breakout" where she helped him.)
Then there is an obligatory fight with Enchantress and Skurge (Skurge appeared in Thor Ragnarok where he serves Hela, not Enchantress like he usually does, but we never did get the Enchantress, unless you could Sylvie "enchanting" things in Loki which I don't).
Real Banner talks to Hulk--and I should say here they are not only separate entities, they can talk to one another--so it's a bit like Moon Knight and how Steven can talk to Marc. Except it's just in their head and everyone else is like "who's that big green man talking to?" (Strong arguments have been made by people more knowledgeable about the comics that Bruce Banner also has dissociative identity disorder, but that is not really how it is played in the MCU.)
Anyway, Hulk returns to save the other Avengers from Enchantress and Skurge.
(There is a joke that is similar to one in The Avengers where Thor hits Iron Man with lightning and it recharges his power. Since I'm noting similarities.)
Even though Thor offers a bit of an apology, and Jan is sweet, Hulk decides to quit the Avengers. He probably needs some "me" time.
But don't worry because we're about to get a new Avenger on the roster-- and it's not the one in the Black Kitty costume who is seen watching all of this. (I totally understand why T'Challa is skeptical about joining the Avengers at this point. It was their first real day together and they had a knock-down fight. He's going to a take a few more episodes before he decides they are worth befriending. He's like, "I'm gonna wait and see if these white people get their act together. Or maybe I will go to the X-Men.")
Spoilers: It's the one with a shield encased in ice. (Interestingly, a shot like this was cut from The Incredible Hulk where he went to a similar frozen place and Cap's shield was going to be visible.)
Rating: Eh, if you're interested.
#avengers: earth's mightiest heroes#avengers rewatch#janet van dyne#the wasp#hulk#the hulk#bruce banner#dissociative identity disorder#enchantress#skurge#thor odinson#iron man#captain america#black panther#thor ragnarok#the incredible hulk#avengers age of ultron#fucking mandrill#the avengers#moon knight
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The Lion King 4: Dawn of a New Era Chapter 2
Petition to give Forgotten Disney More Love:
https://www.change.org/p/give-forgotten-disney-more-love
Chapter 2
The rain had let up, leaving The Pride Lands covered in fresh dew and puddles of water. The sun was once again shining brightly in the sky. The animals went along their usual way. There was still a mist of grief in the air.
Kiara stood at the border of The Pride Lands with Kion and Rani.
"Have a safe trip back." Kiara said, nuzzling her younger brother.
"We will." Kion said. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"
Kiara let out a small, dry laugh. "I … I think I'll be okay … thanks Kion …"
Kion turned to Rani. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah ..." Rani groaned slightly, folding her ears back a bit.
Kion frowned. "What's wrong, Rani?"
"N … nothing … I'm fine,I'm fine!" Rani tried to reassure, forcing a rather pained looking smile.
Kion wasn't sure and went over to his mate's side. "You're not hurt are you?" He asked, worriedly, checking her over for any injuries.
Rani rolled her eyes slightly . "No Kion, I said I'm f … Ow!" She stumbled to the ground.
"Rani!" Kion and Kiara shouted. Kiara rushed over to Rani's side, putting her paw gently on her back.
"Kion …" She said through gritted teeth. "... Kiara …."
"Please, tell me what's wrong!" Kion was nearly begging at this point.
"My stomach …" She winced. "I … I've got a really bad cramp … Ow!"
"Can you get up?" Kiara asked, trying to keep her voice level.
"I … I can try …" Rani rolled onto her stomach and staggered up. "If … if I can just make it ... to the ... Tree ... of Life … I'll be … fine …"
As she took a step towards Kion, her legs wobbled and shook. "... I can … make it ..."
Rani took another step and stumbled to the ground.
"Rani!" Kion crouched beside her. "... You can't make it to The Tree of Life like this … you need help now!"
He turned to his sister. "Kiara! Get Rafiki!"
"R ... right!" Kiara breathed out anxiously. She ran towards the direction of Rafiki's tree, trying to keep herself calm.
You can do this Kiara … You can do this! Keep calm! Keep calm! This is your first big task as queen ...You can't let it get to you! You have to stay calm! You're the queen now, you can't let fear stop you ... You need to be there for your Pride! Right now you need to be there for Rani and Kion … your family!
Kiara breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Rafiki's tree in the distance.
Sitting on one of the large branches, Rafiki was adding a fresh coat of paint to Kiara's portrait, highlighting it in various shades of blue and gold.
Rafiki looked up to the sky. "Oh Simba, your daughter is going to make The Pride Lands proud! The ceremony yesterday went very well. The Pride seems ready to accept Kiara as their queen."
He stuck his thumb into a darker shade of paint and touched up the mane on Kovu's drawing. "She and Kovu will usher in a new era of peace and prosperity in the pride, I just know it."
A small breeze passed by as Simba acknowledged the wise mandrill's words. Groups of ants, dung beetles, and termites made their way up the branches of Rafiki's tree. Even when they didn't have a message for him, Rafiki was glad to have their company.
Taking some pink paint, Rafiki put a small line over Kovu's eye. "We can finally let the scars of the past heal, and we'll be even stronger than before!"
Rafiki sighed happily as he pulled back to admire his work. "I think things can only go up from here …"
A few of the bugs started to scurry around frantically, catching Rafiki's attention.
Something is wrong ...
"Rafiki!"
He looked down to see the distraught lioness, looking up at him. "Kiara?"
"Rani's hurt!"
"What happened!?" Rafiki asked.
"I … I … I don't know." Kiara said shakily. "She and Kion were about to leave and she just … collapsed!"
"Oh dear …" Rafiki sighed in worry. He hurried down the tree to Kiara's side. "Bring me to her."
Kiara nodded and took Rafiki to her brother and his mate.
Rani laid on the ground, groaning in pain, as Kion stayed beside her, grooming her fur.
"Rafiki …" Kion sighed in relief. He moved out of the way so he could examine her.
"What is wrong?" Rafiki asked gently, stroking the young lioness' face.
"My … my … my stomach …" Rani groaned.
Rafiki moved to the other side of her and put his hands on various parts of her stomach. "Tell me if any part hurts when I touch it, okay?"
"Ok … Ow!" Rani winced.
Rafiki stopped and examined the area that had caused her pain in her lower stomach. He prodded at it again.
"Ow! Stop it! That hurts!" Rani whined.
A large smile formed on Rafiki's face as he let out a joyous laugh.
"Rafiki? What's going on?" Kion asked in confusion. "Is Rani okay?"
"Oh, Rani is perfectly fine!" Rafiki said.
"But my stomach.." Rani tried to protest.
"This …" Rafiki said, grabbing her paw, and placing it where the pain was. "... is your baby ..."
"My what!?" Rani asked in shock.
"You're pregnant!" Rafiki proclaimed excitedly.
Rani tried to sit up. "Am I really pregnant."
"Yes! Congratulations, you two!" Rafiki said, pushing Kion and Rani together.
"I'm … gonna be a father?" Kion breathed out, unsure what to think. He glanced over at Rani, and saw she looked anxious as well. Kion smiled widely and nuzzled her lovingly, wanting to comfort her.. "I love you Rani."
"I love you too." She purred, relaxing into him.
Kiara bounded over to them. "Kion! Rani! That's great! I'm so happy for you!"
She nuzzled both of them, purring lovingly.
"Thanks Kiara." Kion laughed slightly.
Rani smiled before groaning again and falling back on her side. "I still can't walk though ..."
"You'll be okay in a little while." Rafiki said, helping her up again. "You may need to rest for a while."
Kion helped Rani onto his back. "Come on let's go back to Pride Rock."
"Pride Rock?" Rani asked. "I thought we were going home."
Kion shook his head. "I don't think I can carry all the way back there."
"All right.." Rani said, sounding a bit unsure.
"You're both welcome to stay as long as you want." Kiara said, going to Kion's side and helping him carry Rani back to the den of Pride Rock.
Gently they laid her down on her side on a pile of leaves.
"Thanks ..." Rani groaned, closing her eyes.
"Kion? Kiara? What's going on?" Nala asked worriedly, going over to them.
"Nothing's wrong, mom." Kion reassured her. "It's just that well … uh …"
"What?" Nala asked, frowning slightly.
"I'm pregnant …" Rani groaned out,
"You're pregnant?" Nala asked, sounding excited.
"Yeah ..." Rani huffed out in pain.
"Oh, that's great!" Nala said, leaning down to nuzzle her daughter in law. She turned to Kion and gave him a loving lick on the cheek. "I'm so happy for both of you."
"Thanks mom." Kion said, silently relieved that she didn't seem upset by this.
"Is … Is it supposed to hurt this much?" Rani asked.
"It can." Nala said. "I had the same problem when I was carrying Kiara. It got a lot easier when I was pregnant with Kion."
She looked at Kion. "Chewing on mint plant helped me with my stomach you can find some for her?"
"Right, good idea." Kion said.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Kiara asked.
"Sure." Kion said. "It'll give us time to catch up."
The two of them headed down Pride Rock together.
"How's living at The Tree of Life going?" Kiara asked as they walked through the savannah.
"It's been great!" Kion said. "Being with Rani … is amazing! I love her so much. There's like...a warmness inside me that I've never felt before...does that make sense?"
"I get what you mean." Kiara chuckled a bit. "I feel the exact same thing when I'm with Kovu."
She sniffed the air. "I think there's a patch of mint nearby."
"There it is." Kion said, grabbing a chunk of mint out of the ground, holding them firmly in his jaw.
Kiara laughed a bit at how his cheeks puffed out, while holding the mint.
Kiara grabbed some mint too and they both headed back to Pride Rock.
Rani had managed to go from laying on her side to laying on her stomach.
Kion nearly spat out the mint leaves in front of her.
"That's gross." Rani teased.
"Hey, my mouth was starting to burn." Kion laughed.
Kiara placed her pile of mint leaves in front of Rani.
Slowly, Rani leaned forward and took a huge bite of mint leaves.
"I really hope this works." Rani said, laying her head back down on the ground.
Kion laid beside her and nuzzled her close. "Are you feeling any better at all?"
"A little...laying on my stomach doesn't hurt as bad anymore …" She said. "I think I'll be fine."
She laid her head on Kion's shoulder and closed her eyes.
Kovu and Vitani entered the den.
"Hey, we heard the good news!" Kovu said excitedly.
Kion smiled. "Yeah, I'm so happy."
He leaned down and nuzzled Rani's stomach.
Vitani smiled slyly. "Hey … I'm happy for you kid."
"Thanks Vitani." Kion said a little bashfully. He didn't want any ill feelings between him and his sister in law after the whole lion guard fiasco when Kion and the others had returned to The Pride Lands. He'd accepted that she was now the lion guard, and she and her team were doing an amazing job.
"If you need anything else, just ask." Kiara said to Rani.
"Thanks … but you don't have to …" Rani groaned out.
"No really … it's no problem …" Kiara said. "We're family now after all."
"All right … Can you help me to the watering hole?" She asked. "My mouth's kinda stinging from all this mint."
Kiara laughed a bit. "No problem."
She put her head under the crook of Rani's neck and pushed up slightly, helping her stand up. Kion was by her side too, helping steady her as they headed down Pride Rock.
There were two major water holes in The Pride Lands. One was a bit farther off, near The Elephant Graveyard. Simba was insistent that Kiara and Kion never go there without an escort. (For reasons he never fully went into, he clarified that Zazu did not count as an escort in that case …. Same with Timon and Pumbaa after the whole incident that led to her meeting Kovu.)
The one Kiara commonly went to was the small watering hole by Pride Rock. It was referred to as The Royal Water Hole. however it gained its title from its location and not usability. Simba allowed all animals to use it. It was in few of Pride Rock that he'd be able to easily see if any of his cubs were in danger at the water hole … not that anyone would try to hurt them anyways …
Kiara and Kion stopped in front of The Royal Water Hole and laid her gently on the ground. Rani lapped up water quickly, and then dunked her head under the water. She shook her head around before pulling back, and swayed slightly to dry her fur.
"Ah, that felt nice …" Rani sighed in relief.
"You wanna stay here for a while?" Kion asked.
Rani nodded, idly swirling her paw in the water.
Sounds of hooves pounded on the ground, catching the three lion's attention.
A mother zebra and her daughter stopped in front of the water hole, leaning down to take a drink. The mother pulled back and started grooming her foal. Her baby looked up and nuzzled against her.
Kion smiled warmly and looked at Rani. He nuzzled against her cheek, letting out a soft purr.
Rani laughed a bit, "Someone's feeling affectionate."
"I guess I'm just thinking about how great it's going to be, to be a dad." Kion said, resting his face on hers.
Rani smiled. "Yeah … being parents is going to be great …" Her voice faltered slightly, showing her anxiety.
A family of birds fluttered by, a mother, father, and their two babies. Kion's smile deepened as he nuzzled Rani even closer.
She relaxed slightly. "I think I'm feeling good enough to go back to Pride Rock."
Kion and Kiara helped her back up. She staggered a little bit when she first got onto her paws, but she was able to steady herself.
"I can walk by myself now." Rani said. "But thanks for helping me get down here and everything."
"No problem." Kiara said. "We're family, we look out for each other.
Rani smiled slightly. "Right … family."
The trio of lions made their way back to Pride Rock, passing various other Pride Land animals on the way back.
A mother elephant was rolling in the mud along with her calf. A gazelle and her two babies were eating a fresh patch of grass. They looked up slightly when they passed by, but when they realized they weren't hunting, they relaxed and went back to their grazing.
Kion felt his heart swell in positive emotions as they passed by many other animal parents.
I never thought I'd be a parent before Kiara was …. But he couldn't be happier.
When they made it to the base of Pride Rock, Rani's legs got shaky again trying to climb. Kion helped make sure she was steady and walked up beside her.
Once they were back in the den, Rani laid down again, resting her head on her paws.
Zazu flew in and landed in front of Kiara, bowing before her. "Good morning your highness!"
Kiara felt her stomach churn slightly at her new title. She figured it would be a while before she'd get used to being called this.
"You don't need to be so formal." Kiara let out a dry laugh. "You were my babysitter before, I think we can be … well … uh … you can just call me Kiara, okay?"
"Oh yes! Of course!" Zazu said, correcting his posture.
At least that went well … Kiara relaxed a bit.
Zazu then focused his attention on Kion and Rani.
"I've heard the great news!" Zazu said, beaming with pride. "Congratulations, you two!"
"Thanks." Kion smiled.
"Yeah." A light smile pierced Rani's lips.
"Ah, I remember when you were a baby yourself." Zazu said, nestling into the top of Kion's mane. "The Pride was thrilled when you were born! I remember it like it was yesterday …" He let out a sigh of content.
"Oh you do, do you?" Rani grinned slyly. "Why don't you tell us about it?"
Kion's face flustered as he anxiously pushed his ears back. "... N .. no Rani … I … I'm sure it's not that interesting."
"Oh come on. I wanna hear what you were like as a baby." She teased.
"And I can add in some details too!" Kiara laughed.
"As can I." Nala said, a soft smile on her face as she sat beside Kion.
Kion sighed in defeat. "All right fine …. Go ahead Zazu,mom, Kiara …"
Zazu landed in front of Rani. "He was the cutest cub ..."
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In my last article, we discussed the Academy Award winning films from 1994. Those were supposed to be the best movies of the year but what about the movies that we all saw? Or at least most of us. What of the blockbusters that made tons of money and had lines of people chomping at the bit to get in? Today, I will be covering the top six highest-grossing movies of the year. Why six? Because I already covered one of these films in my previous piece which can be found here.
PTBN’s Tribute to 1994: A Commentary on the Best Picture Nominees for the 66th Academy Awards
1994 was a good year at the box office as the numbers will show. It’s hard to find a common thread with these six movies. When it comes to legacy, the long lasting impact can be mixed. The movies in question for today are The Lion King, Forrest Gump, Speed, True Lies, The Mask, and The Flintstones. The Lion King just received a remake this year. Forrest Gump and Speed did wonders for the careers of Tom Hanks and Keanu Reeves. The Mask caps off what was an amazing year for Jim Carrey. True Lies and The Flintstones….. exist? But now to dig into the movies that made truck loads of cash for their respective studio.
The Lion King – Worldwide Gross: $763,455,561
The Lion King continued a string of great successes that Disney had with animated films in the 90’s and well before that for that matter. Starting with The Little Mermaid in 1989 and continuing with movies like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast, Disney made animated films that were more than just great children’s movies but excellent films in their own right. With solid storytelling, top notch film making, and catchy soundtracks, these movies became the gold standard for movies in the 90’s. The Lion King is no different.
The “circle of life” starts for Simba as it does for all of us with his birth. He is the son of the King Mufasa which means someday he will become the king. Simba “just can’t wait to be king” but his Uncle Scar has prepared other plans. Scar works with a group of hyenas to orchestrate the death of Mufasa and make Simba think it was his fault. Believing he is responsible for his father’s death, Simba escapes to the desert. He is found barely alive by Timon and Pumbaa, a meerkat and warhog respectively. They take him to the safe haven of the jungle. Simba finds himself a lion with no home so Timon and Pumbaa take him in, teaching him their worry free way of life. Putting the past behind him, Simba live the “hakuna matata” way of life, growing from a cub to a young lion. He is having a fine time drifting aimlessly through the jungle with his friends until one day an old friend of his tries to hunt and kill Pumbaa. Simba runs in for the rescue and this lioness is Nala, to whom he has been promised for marriage. They “feel the love tonight” and then Nala encourages Simba to return to the Pride Lands. Under Scar’s leadership, the Pride Lands have become a wasteland. Simba refuses to return. He is comfortable with his aimless life and can’t face everyone back home after his father’s death. Simba storms off to collect his thoughts and runs into Rafiki, the mandrill who was present at Simba’s birth. Rafiki lets Simba know that Mufasa lives on in him. Simba speaks with the spirit of his father in the stars. Mufasa tells him that Simba must take his place amongst the great kings and unseat Scar. With help from his friends, Simba confronts Scar. Scar tells everyone that Simba killed Mufasa which tears up Simba inside but everyone else has seen enough of Scar’s reign. Simba’s friends take the hyenas but it’s Simba who takes on Scar. Scar has Simba on the ledge exactly like he did Mufasa and can’t help but gloat about the first murder he committed. Simba hulks up and takes down Scar, who begs for mercy, blaming the whole thing on the hyenas. Simba banishes him forever which Scar doesn’t take well. A sneak attack fails and Scar is left to the mercy of the hyenas, who are very hungry. Simba reigns as king, prosperity is restored to the land, and the Circle of Life continues.
At the time, The Lion King was the highest grossing animated film of all-time for Disney. Currently, it is third at Disney behind Frozen and Zootopia. It is the tenth highest grossing animated film of all time and the forty-fifth among all films. The Lion King was nominated for four Academy Awards. It won two, for Best Score and Best Original Song (“Can You Feel the Love Tonight”.) Speaking of songs, the soundtrack sold over ten million copies. That would make it the best selling soundtrack of the year. The awards and accolades for The Lion King are so numerous that listing them here would be pointless and take all day. Needless to say, this movie connected with audiences in a big way. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” and “Circle of Life” were played on mainstream pop stations throughout the year. It is fitting that this movie is so remembered for it’s music as The Lion King would be adapted as a Broadway play and become one of the most successful musicals of all time. If you are visiting New York, The Lion King is still playing to this day and is the third longest running show in the history of Broadway. The success of The Lion King led to an afternoon cartoon series starring Timon and Pumbaa called appropriately The Lion King’s Timon and Pumbaa, which ran from 1995 to 1999.
I think many of us will fondly remember The Lion King game which was released on NES, SNES, and Sega Genesis. I played the Genesis version and it’s an infinitely playable game. It’s a side scrolling, platformer which follows the events of the movies from stage to stage. Appropriately, the game has been praised for it’s visuals and music. If you live in Europe, this was the last game released on the NES. During a time when most games based on movies and television shows were epicly bad, The Lion King and the Disney series of games during the 16-bit generation were exceptional. The amount of care put into those games to make them fun and engaging was amazing and something you didn’t always see back then.
The Lion King might be one of the greatest things to ever come out of the House of Mouse and that is high praise. When you watch this movie, keep in mind that it was hand-drawn by people. The only thing they used computers for was the stampede sequence, which took two years to make. The amount of detail and layering that went into creating the animation was impressive on a level that has never been seen before or since by a film created with hand drawn animation. Over 600 artists, animators, and technicians worked on creating this movie. Generally, most people aren’t interested in watching special features on the DVD set but I really recommend you watch some of the documentaries to fully appreciate what went into making this movie. On a film making level, the scope and ambition of the film was simply amazing. I already mentioned the music but it bares repeating that they were on fire when making this movie. Every song fit perfectly into the movie. “Hakuna Matata”, “Circle of Life”, “Be Prepared”, “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King”, and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”, all of them are great songs set to great animated sequences. Even Hans Zimmer’s score was firing on all cylinders. To make sure that this isn’t just nostalgia speaking, I had my kids watch this movie just to see what they thought of it. They loved it. I feel like the movie still holds up and has a timeless quality to it. I can say with confidence that 1994’s The Lion King is a movie that will live forever and people will be watching for many future generations.
Forrest Gump – Worldwide Gross: $677,945,399
I covered Forrest Gump in detail in my previous article. Forrest Gump is about a simple man that somehow finds himself at the center of nearly every significant event of the last half of the 20th Century. Because of his simple nature, he is completely oblivious to the gravity of the events happening around him. The movie was a surprise hit which launched Tom Hanks’ career into a completely different direction than that which it had been on, brought in a ton of money for Paramount, and won the Oscar for Best Picture. If there is anything I failed to mention in the first article, it would be the technical achievement that Forrest Gump was. Industrial Lights & Magic worked on the visual effects for this movie and how much of this movie was created by CGI is surprising. Of course, there are the scenes were Forrest Gump is inserted into archival footage meeting with JFK, Lyndon Johnson,and Richard Nixon. They had to line up Hanks while shooting him against a blue screen and he had to create those scenes with nothing to play off of. They brought in voice actors to record the lines of the Presidents then alter the original footage of the to match the lines being spoken. They then had to find ways to blend Hanks seamlessly into the footage. These scenes all worked for me and still hold up. Another scene that stands out to me is the one where Forrest is rescuing Bubba a napalm strike in Vietnam. I had no idea how much of that scene used CGI. It was an incredibly well done sequence which did an excellent job hiding all the tricks they used to make it looked as those Forrest was running away from an explosion while carrying someone out of the jungle. They used CGI to remove Lt. Dan’s legs and made that look convincing. Some movies have difficulty removing someone’s mustache and making it look good. In the years after 1994, the movie industry will rely more heavily on CGI. There are many movies where the effects are obviously contrived and take the viewer out of the movie with just how bad they look. It takes a level of craftsmanship and care to make the effects look as real as possible and on that level, Forrest Gump succeed. And that’s all I have to say about that.
True Lies – Worldwide Gross: $378,882,411
Harry Tasker, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, lives a double life of secret agent for the shadowy Omega Sector and that of a workaholic family man. He has been lying to his wife for years about what his real job is and she is none the wiser. Helen, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, is tiptoeing around having a possible affair with used car salesman Simon, played by Bill Paxton. Simon is lying to Helen, telling her he is a secret agent to add some spice to her otherwise dull life. Harry suspects his wife may be having an affair so he uses the resources of a quasi-governmental spy organization to find out about what she is up to, harass her would-be boyfriend, and in the process put her in grave danger. In addition to that, they have a troubled teenage daughter played by Eliza Dushku. This ties into a subplot about an Arab terrorist organization that has acquired four nuclear warheads and have some big plans to use them.
True Lies has everything. Heart-pounding action sequences, romance, intrigue, drama, comedy that is well placed and doesn’t take away from the drama, and Schwarzenegger one-liners. So why didn’t I like it very much? This the first time I had seen this movie and I think I was expecting something closer to Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a far superior movie in my estimation. I was expecting that Jamie Lee Curtis would be revealed to be a spy as well, for a rival organization, working the same case, adding a level of drama to their already strained marriage. Or that Bill Paxton would be actually working with the terrorists and the used car salesmen ploy was a plot to draw out Harry. But instead they just play it straight as these two people having an affair. Harry using his job as a super secret spy to snoop on his unfaithful wife really doesn’t play well in a now post-9/11 world. With things like The Patriot Act, unwarranted wire taps, and government surveillance on civilians, too much has happened in the last 25 years for this to all be played off as whimsical or endearing. At one point Harry and his partner Gibs, played by Tom Arnold, kidnap Helen and Simon in the back of their spy van. Harry roughs up Simon a little, telling him to stay away from his wife. It comes off as a humorous enough scene even if it is a bit petty and vengeful. However, when Harry and Gibs interrogate Helen in a room with a two way mirror and voice altering technology, it comes off as extremely creepy. Harry��s plan to romance Helen by making her work a case for his spy group is equally creepy. This results in the couple getting taken by the real terrorists and the interesting part of the movie can start again. This middle part of the movie where Harry is trying to unravel his wives affair and play a prank on her drags on way too long. The pacing is off and it really interrupted the flow of the movie. It’s made all the worse when you realize that the terrorists have four nuclear weapons and Harry has no real leads to work off of. Instead of focusing on not letting U.S. cities get nuked, he places his attention on harassing his wife and her friend.
True Lies is a movie that works so long as you don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Dana, the teenage daughter placed by Eliza Dushku is a good example. She is barely in the film. We see her steal some money from her dad and hop on her boyfriend’s motorcycle, a clear sign that something is wrong. We don’t hear from her again until she is kidnapped by terrorists. I forgot she was even in the movie up to that point and it comes off as some sloppy writing. As if the writers planned out some great action sequences but they needed a reason to have them happen so why not have the daughter get kidnapped? I guess the idea is that if Harry saves his daughter it will repair their fractured relationship but is that really how that would happen? At the end of the movie, Helen becomes a super spy too and now the couple work together on cases of international intrigue. But what about Dana? Now both of her parents are gone all the time, jet setting to Monte Carlo while she is left to her own devices. Is her life really better with both of her parents in the spy game? Shouldn’t Harry be fired for misusing company resources. Sure, he saved the day from the terrorists but couldn’t he have prevented a lot of property damage and lost lives if he hadn’t been dicking around looking into his wife’s personal affairs? And why would they make Helen a part of this spy organization? She is a legal secretary. They don’t just pull any schmoe off the streets to be an international person of mystery. Point is, there is a really clever movie just under the surface and if the writing had been tightened up a little, this could have been a much better movie.
Where True Lies excels is in it’s action sequences and special effects. James Cameron is as good as he ever was in this respect. The filming took several months, they threw every idea they had for an action scene up on the screen and it really shows. One example is the opening sequence where Harry sneaks into a dinner party to gain access to some top secret files and sweep Juno, played by Tia Carrere, off her feet. Carrere is looking amazing in this movie although her character could have used more motivation beyond wanting to make piles of money. This opening action scene is very reminiscent of a James Bond movie. Tom Arnold was particularly funny in this part of the film, trying to organize the operation, navigate icy roads, all while Harry guns down bad guys and blows stuff up. All of the action sequences are over the top with lots of big concepts playing out and tons of moving parts. No one can argue that James Cameron isn’t one of the best action movie directors there have ever been. True Lies may not be as visually impressive as Avatar or Titanic but you can see that compared with other movies of the action genre, Cameron is not to be out done.
True Lies would be not only the third highest grossing film of the year but also the third highest grossing film of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career, behind only Terminator 2 and Terminator 3. When discussing Arnold movies with a group, this is one that isn’t going to be brought up much but it did surprisingly well. There was also a video game on the SNES and Genesis for which the mileage may vary but it did quite well on each system. For such a successful movie, it is hard to say what the legacy for True Lies is. Everyone involved in the film were already established entities so it’s not like this did much for the careers of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, or James Cameron other than keep them on the footing they had already been on. Judging from online commentary, the film hasn’t aged well in the eyes of some viewers, many people calling True Lies offensive. It has yet to get a Blu-Ray or 4K release. I would be very interested to hear what The Nation thinks of this film because I have a hard time placing it with other Arnold or James Cameron movies.
The Mask – Worldwide Gross: $351,583,407
The best year of Jim Carrey’s career rolls on. If you were drafting people for 1994, Jim Carrey would be on the top of most draft boards. He starts out the year with Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, which does fine at the box office but really found it’s audience on VHS. Dumb and Dumber comes out in the middle of the year, taking the momentum from Ace Ventura and launching Jim Carrey to even greater heights. Near the end of the year, The Mask drops and it solidifies Jim Carrey has a major box office draw. It’s hard to think of any actor who has had a year like that. If you would like to hear more about Dumb and Dumber, I would recommend this excellent podcast.
https://ptbnpop.podbean.com/e/laugh-in-theater-6-dumb-and-dumber-with-jennifer-smith/
Stanley Ipkiss, played by Jim Carrey, is the definition of the nice guy who finishes last. He is a low-level bank employee who everyone pretty much walks over except his best friend Charlie, played by Richard Jeni. Charlie encourages Stanley to show some confidence and put himself out there. Their friendship is pretty endearing even if Charlie can come off as a bit of a sleaze. Charlie invites Stanley to the club but he can’t get in because they just don’t want him in there. Stanley stands by his broken down car when he runs into Tina, played by Cameron Diaz, in her film debut. He met her earlier at his bank and was charming enough but locked up like the brakes on his old car. While driving home in defeat, he stalls out on a bridge. While beating up on the car, he spies what appears to be a person in the water. When he dives in all Stanley finds is a mask. Stanley makes his way home where he is harassed by his landlady. He goes to his apartment and eventually puts on The Mask, becoming a living cartoon character. Everything he does is straight out of a Looney Tunes Cartoon. Giant mallets, bombs in his pocket, bug-eyed reactions, his joking demeanor, and so much more makes the character of The Mask wildly different than that of Stanley. So whereas Stanley would have stayed at home with his dog watching cartoons, The Mask heads out on the town, causing mischief. In the morning, Stanley has no idea what has happened and the authorities are asking questions about The Mask. Through the events of the film, Stanley must learn how to show more confidence without The Mask and how to break up a criminal enterprise with it on while being a complete goofball.
The Mask is a wildly entertaining film that still held up for me. While not the deepest film in terms of plot, it’s well structured and holds up well these twenty five years later. Stanley deals with the consequences of what The Mask does during the day while The Mask is tussling with the Mob at night. Edge City is the fictional city in which the movie takes place. I really appreciate the world building and look of this city. It’s a city that is somewhere between the 1930’s and 1990’s. The center of this town seems to be the Coco Bongo Club and the people really like swing music, putting them ahead of that trend by about five years. The world that The Mask occupies at night has a fantasy element to it where as the day time world of Stanley has a crushing modernity, with it’s pollution, over crowding, and hum drum nature. At one point Stanley visits a psychiatrist played by Ben Stein to try and understand what is happening with The Mask. Turns out The Mask only works at night so Stanley ends up looking like an insane person when talking about the issues he is dealing with. Everything about this and the other daytime scenes are grounded in a realism. Stanley gets ripped off and hassled by mechanics during the day, something we can all relate to. At night, he shows up as The Mask and gets a measure of revenge against them while they are sitting around playing cards, a wicked fantasy for sure but one that people with habitually broken down cars can sort of relate to. My question is why are these mechanics hanging out at work into the wee hours of the night? During the day, the police and journalists are on top of investigating crimes involving The Mask. At night, mobster Dorian Tyrell, who looks like he could have been Matthew McConaughey but is actually played by Peter Greene, runs his criminal enterprise with impunity.
The Mask was a huge hit and it’s all Jim Carrey that is the draw for this movie. I remember the movies rendition of Cuban Pete being played as a music video on MTV, back when they used to show those kind of things. The movie lead to an animated series which I remember being pretty ok. Also there would be a sequel starring Jamie Kennedy, which is best left forgotten. It is also interesting that this was Cameron Diaz first movie. She was a natural and had good chemistry with Jim Carrey. Every couple of years there are rumbles about getting Jim Carrey to make a proper sequel to The Mask. I expect it to happen eventually. With Jim Carrey taking a job as Doctor Eggman in the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie, he will probably chase that Mask 2 paycheck before too long. Then we might have a better sense of what the legacy of this movie is. For people who saw it at the time, it is fondly remembered, fun-loving romp. I don’t know that the younger generation has gone back to view this film or what they think of it. Whether The Mask is evergreen remains to be seen, but it will always be remembered as one of the three films from this year that made Jim Carrey an A-Lister.
Speed – Worldwide Gross: $350,448,145
Pop Quiz Hot Shot. There is a bomb on a bus. The bomb is armed once the bus goes over 50 mph. The bomb explodes once the bus goes under 50 mph. What do you do? In terms of trailers, is there anything that has ever explained a movie more concisely and been so effective? I imagine this was also the elevator pitch for this movie. Speed is so much more than just the bomb on a bus scenario but that line was a really good hook to draw in the audience. 1994 was a pretty good year for the action movie. You have the aforementioned True Lies, A Clear and Present Danger, and The Crow. A tier below that you had movies like On Deadly Ground, Surviving the Game, and Beverly Hills Cop 3. Then you were kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel with some of the action releases to theaters, like Double Dragon, The Shadow, Street Fighter, and Blown Away. The point is that the studios thought enough of the action genre to send a healthy number of action movies to the theaters. Speed is a tricky movie to review. I can’t call it exceptional because it relied on quite a few action movie tropes. It doesn’t try to reinvent the genre, most of what happens here is pretty typical for the genre. Best I can say is that Speed is an action movie done right.
Often when a review says a movie is a nonstop thrill ride, that means the reviewer has nothing to say or wasn’t paying attention to the movie. Speed is very fast-paced in terms of the action. It could be called Worst Case Scenario: The Movie. From the first scene where Dennis Hopper’s character, Howard Payne, stabs a security guard in the head. Hopper’s performance is one of the high points of this movie. The character is not at all subtle and the acting reflects that. His dialogue is feels like it needs another polish in the writing but the way Hopper delivers it is brilliant. I wouldn’t change a line. Payne strategically places bombs in an elevator at the beginning of the movie. He then demands a ransom or he will blow up the elevator along with everyone in it. The LAPD is called in to deal with the situation. Our hero Jack, played by Keanu Reeves, makes an entrance like a champ, with his car jumping about 20 feet in the air over a hill on the way to the scene. Jack volunteers himself and his partner Harry, played by Jeff Daniels, for the most dangerous assignment, right on top of the action. If you were drafting people for 1994, Jeff Daniels would be a good mid-round pick. If you are a binge of 1994 movies, you will get to appreciate Daniels acting chops by watching Speed and Dumb and Dumber back to back. You can see that he has a lot of range as an actor. Oddly enough, his character in both movies is named Harry.
This opening scene establishes a few important things. First that Jack thinks fast on his feet as well as outside of the box. Harry is the bomb expert while Jack has the bravery to get up close to the bombs to inspect them. They make a good team. Jack uses a crane from a near by construction site to hang onto the elevator car while the bombs explode the cables. Of course, because nothing in this movie can be simple, the crane starts to give way and they get the hostages out in the nick of time. And because this is Speed, Jack immediately realizes that Howard is in a near by freight elevator. So after a heart-pounding action sequence, we get another heart-pounding action sequence. Harry gets taken hostage by Howard, who has strapped a bomb to himself to ensure his escape. Jack’s solution to the problem is to shoot the hostage, in the leg to be exact. Howard quickly slips away saying “Mwahahah!” as he heads for a parking garage and seemingly blows himself up.
The movie takes a bit of a lull as Harry and Jack are honored for their actions in taking down the bomber. But it is revealed that Howard is alive and well, watching the ceremony on television and applauding their efforts sarcastically. So one morning Jack is out buying a muffin when a bus explodes. Howard calls on a pay phone and lays out the situation for Jack. A bomb is on a bus. When it hits 50, the bomb will activate, when it goes below 50 the bus blows up. Howard tells him which bus and we are off to the races. Meanwhile, Annie, played by Sandra Bullock, gets on a bus with a cast of characters. I didn’t catch the character’s name but one of them is a tourist played by Alan Ruck, who was Cameron in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I prefer to think this is Cameron visiting L.A. Jack hijacks a car and tracks down the bus. He manages to jump on the bus. Everything that can go wrong does. The main plot device is keeping the bus over 50. It certainly builds tension. When Jack writes a note telling them there is a bomb on the bus, the drivers instinct is to slow down. Jack tries to tell the people on the bus what is happening when a criminal gets nervous and shoots the bus driver. Annie takes the wheel and she doesn’t know how to drive. Of course, because it’s L.A., they hit traffic. Having to keep above 50, Annie takes an exit and runs into everything along the way. Now they are maintaining 50 on Western Ave, which as a former L.A. resident, I can tell you is the most unrealistic thing about this movie. The movie keep rolling like this. A complication will pop up, Jack has to find a way around it, another one pops up. The whole time Harry is trying to find out who Howard is. Turns out he used to be former bomb squad. He lost a finger in an accident and got screwed out of his pension, which is why Howard is doing all this crazy stuff.
They get the bus on the yet to be completed 105 Freeway and for a while that solves the problem of having to keep the speed up to 50 mph. Howard is watching the whole thing on the news but he also has a camera on the bus. If they try to get any passengers off, he will blow up the bus. They come up on the incomplete part of the 105 and have to get the bus to move as fast as it can to make the jump, an incredibly exciting part of the movie. Jack thinks fast and gets the bus onto the tarmac at the airport. Now they can keep the bus moving but how are they going to get the people off. Meanwhile, Harry finds Howard’s house and it was rigged to blow up. Turns out, he wasn’t home. He calls Jack to taunt him about it. With the situation getting more desperate, Jack find a way under the bus to take a look at the bomb. Everything with the operation goes wrong and he manages to get back on the bus but not without popping a hole in the gas tank. Time is running out when Jack realizes the reason Howard has been calling Annie ‘Wildcat’ is because of her University of Arizona shirt she has on. They trace the line for the camera and play some footage on a loop. This way they can get the people off the bus and Howard will be none the wiser. Now just Annie and Jack are on the bus. The sexual chemistry starts to heat up and they think of a way to get off the bus without blowing up with it. They find a very suggestive way off the bus but it’s not over yet. The LAPD agree to make the cash drop for Howard. He finds out that the bus has exploded and reacts over the top. He still has a plan though. He kidnaps Annie and makes his way to a train. Jack tracks him down and it’s the final showdown. Let’s just say that Howard doesn’t get ahead.
I love this movie. It keeps on moving. The dialogue is great. Dennis Hopper is fantastic and very enjoyable in this over-the-top performance. Keanu Reeves really came across well in this movie. I have to believe that the success of Speed helped get him cast in The Matrix. Before this, I don’t know that people would have taken him seriously as an action star. Speed did big things for Keanu. I think Sandra Bullock came out of the movie looking good too. She would go on to be in the ill fated sequel, Speed 2: Cruise Control. But mostly she would be the leading lady in many Rom Coms among other things. The writing was very tight. The dialogue was witty but took the situation serious the whole time. Speed was a very ambitious production. On a budget of $30 million, they got every nickel they could out of that money. A lot of these stunts had to be very difficult to pull off. Watching this movie again, I had a greater appreciation for what it must have taken to make the movie. Speed was one of the movies they would use in film school as an example of what to do in action movies. Most movies are happy to have a handful of action sequences as exciting as Speed. Somehow, they kept the story moving with most of the movie taking place on a bus. That is incredibly challenging to do. In addition to that, the action sequences lead one into the next, not leaving the audience much time to breath. You would think that would burn out an audience but it worked really well. Speed is just a fun movie. It won three Oscars, all for editing and sound design. The legacy of Speed will probably be that of the fun, summer action movie that takes audiences by storm. They don’t happen as often as they used to but every now and again one will come along and prove that audience love this type of movie.
The Flintstones – Worldwide Gross: $341,631,208.
I saw this movie in theaters back in 1994 and I will be damned if I can’t say why. I wasn’t that big of a fan of the show. I was speaking with some other people from our generation and it seems like the story is the same. Didn’t really like The Flintstones that much but saw it in theaters anyway. This came out Memorial Day weekend and I suspect that many of our parents sent us to the theaters to be rid of us for a couple of hours. Still, I remember liking the movie back then, even if there wasn’t much I could remember from it aside from Halle Berry. I was genuinely shocked to see how much money The Flintstones made, beating out Dumb and Dumber for the sixth spot overall for 1994. Having watched this movie recently, The Flintstones is a really underrated movie.
The Flintstones greatest feature is how much this feels like the show and how much they got right. John Goodman stars as Fred and he plays it perfectly. I can’t imagine anyone else playing Fred Flintstone this well. The same for Rick Moranis as Barney Rubble. Every character feels like they came right from the television to the movie screen. You can’t take this for granted in an adaptation. A lot of adaptations fail to get anything about the original right outside of the name on the poster and the name of the characters. Every inch of The Flintstones was made with obvious love and care for the show. The production design that takes modern things and remake them in a Stone Age way was impressive. They remake the opening and closing of the original show, complete with the theme song and all of it looks exactly right. The story seems like it could be an episode of the show. A corporate executive needs someone he can pin his crime on as he robs the company blind. So he does this by having all the rank and file workers take an aptitude test. Meanwhile, Fred lends some money to Barney so that he can adopt Bam Bam, who will be his and his wife, Betty’s son. Barney vows to pay back Fred and does so by swapping their tests. As a result, Fred gets the big promotion and now, finally he is going to be a somebody. He’s moving up in the world, making more money, and letting it go to his head. Barney gets saddled with Fred’s test results which were so poor that he got fired. This puts hard times on the Rubble household and they stay with The Flintstones until they can get back on their feet. Well, Fred gets very full of himself and forgets who his real friends are. Half of the quarry gets laid off, making Fred hated among everyone who had been his work mates. This builds to a head where Barney is working as a bus boy at a club that Fred, Wilma, and Betty are attending. Barney gets sick of Fred’s attitude and tells everyone that he swapped the tests. This creates a riff between The Flintstones and The Rubbles. While Wilma doesn’t know what to believe, she is also sick of Fred’s attitude. As we go into our third act, the corporate stooge, Cliff Vandercave, reveals to Fred that he has been playing him the whole time. Cliff flat out tells him that he is being framed with embezzlement. Fred, with nowhere to turn and no one to turn to, goes into hiding. All of the evidence that Fred is innocent is on a Dictabird which recorded every conversation in Fred’s office. Betty and Wilma capture the bird. Fred gets caught by an angry mob and as his friend, Barney gets rounded up by the mob too. Fred realizes that he has been a jerk all along and right before he is taken out by the angry crowd, he apologizes for everything he has done. So just in the nick of time, Betty and Wilma prove Fred’s innocence. With everything revealed, Fred stops Cliff from absconding with the money by accidentally inventing concrete and trapping Cliff in stone. Mr. Slate sees this and offers Fred a big promotion. Fred turns it down because when he finally became a somebody, he became somebody he didn’t like. He just wants to have his old job back along with all the other laid off workers. Fred and Barney are friends again, everything is back to normal.
If you are a fan of the show, The Flintstones movie delivers. From the jokes to the way they are delivered, everything is authentic to the show. It’s hard to say what people who have never seen The Flintstones would think of this movie. I thought it was an enjoyable movie. It is a film that doesn’t get much love these twenty five years later. The follow up prequel released in 2000, The Flinstones In Viva Rock Vegas and the direct to video sequels I believe hurt this film a bit. There are a ton of bad sequels starring different actors and I think there may have been “Flintstones Fatigue.” I would recommend people go back and watch this film. Ultimately, the legacy of this film will be as a surprise hit that was just a product made by a studio for the purposes of making piles of money. There was no higher purpose to The Flintstones. I do think credit should be give to everyone involved for taking the care they did with the source material. The people who were handed this assignment made it with love and it shows.
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#202 The Rain
Rain, one of nature’s wettest phenomena! The rain, like most things, affects different people in different ways. (The only thing that we’ve observed to have the same affect on all people is having the word “moist” shouted at them through a megaphone while they were trying to sleep, and let me tell you, all people do not like that.) Some people find the rain to be rejuvenating, creating a sense of renewal throughout the world. Others find it to be romantic, and save up all of their grand confessions of love for storms. Others find it to be morose and somber and make sure to always find a funeral to attend when it gets overcast. Superheroes are no different in this regard. Some of them enjoy the rain, they believe it makes for more dramatic encounters with their nemeses. Others gain power from the rain. Others, such as pyrokinetics and flame-thrower wielders find themselves severely hampered by the rain. And others still just don’t like getting their hair wet.
Most of the time, the rain is going to make it a lot harder for you to do your job. It’s more difficult to see, you’re more likely to slip, it’s harder to navigate if you’re flying, and supervillains are always harnessing the rain to power their latest doomsday device. Which, like, ok, good for them for being environmentally conscious and using renewable energy sources to power their doomsday devices. But it’s a little hypocritical because they’re planning on destroying the whole world anyway. Sometimes villains even just turn the rain itself into their latest scheme. They create acid rain, or monsoon monsters or rain that makes you lose weight which in theory sounds nice, but you get to decide when the rain stops. You’re gonna get too thin, you’re going to fade away. Just jog more, don’t turn to the magic weight-loss rain. Also occasionally a supervillain will try to flood the world with rain, so you need to get ahead of that too. Your best bet in preventing supervillains from using the rain for evil is to go and have a chat with the Cloud Hoppers.
Cloud Hoppers are nymph like creatures who live in the clouds and generally just want to have a good time. They don’t control the rain but since they live in the clouds, they can act as another line of defense against criminals who might seek to harness the clouds and the rain for their own nefarious purposes. If you can fly you can reach the Cloud Hoppers no problem, and if not get your hands on a flight capable vehicle or talk to a real superhero who can fly. Just make sure you don’t go empty handed. Cloud Hoppers like to do the right thing but they don’t work for free. So give them some candy. Or a cool remote controlled car. Just make sure you get out of there before they realize that you can’t drive a remote controlled car on a cloud. With the Cloud Hoppers on your side, it will be much more difficult for the forces of evil to gain control of the rain and change it from a life-giving source to a death-giving source.
Some heroes are actually able to use the rain to their advantage. Perhaps their powers are strengthened by the rain, or perhaps they’re part fish-creature and the rain gives them a wider range of mobility. Maybe they’re an environmentally conscious hero who uses rain-powered gear and doesn’t try to destroy the world with it. (Wild.) Whatever the reason for the advantage, these heroes need to work double-time during the rain in order to make up for all of the heroes who are hampered by the rain. So if you’re a living plant or a hydrokinetic or your mood and general disposition are all around improved by the rain, you need to fight as many criminals as you can. Even if they’re not actively committing any crimes at the moment. The other heroes aren’t working as well, we can’t risk any criminals deciding to take advantage of that. Go to the bad guy bar and tangle everybody up in vines or get their clothes so wet that they’re just too heavy for the person wearing them to even stand. We’re all counting on you, the World’s Wettest Warriors.
Because most heroes just cannot stand the rain. I mean, can you blame them, it’s so wet. Gross. You didn’t become a superhero because you wanted to get wet. If you wanted to be wet all the time you would’ve become an underwater acrobat like your mother wanted. You’ve been trying to break your family’s cycle and the rain is doing you zero favors. In fact it’s only making things worse! You can feel yourself becoming moe and more like your father, world famous underwater acrobat Stefan Gloobaloo, with every drop. And can you imagine the mess it’s going to make of your hair. I hope you don’t have a lot of it, because it’s going to be stuck to your face and get in your eyes and it’s real hard to fight Giorgio the evil mime if you can’t see! He doesn’t make any noise! He’s a mime. And an Italian one at that. Which doesn’t make him harder to fight, it’s just not something you see often. Also, that’s only taking into account the sky water! I haven’t even gotten to puddles yet. Uch, puddles. If you’re not wearing rain boots your socks are gonna soaked because you can’t be preoccupied with trying to avoid puddles if you’re fighting the Clawsome Claw-Man, the man who is made of claws. Puddles are also incredibly helpful to villains who can travel through mirrors and reflections. And there are more of those than you’d think. I can think of 85 off the top of my head. (Mister Mirrors, Mrs. Mirrors, Ms. Mirrors, Monsieur Mirrors, Master Mirrors, Melanie Mirrors, Mirror Mandril, need I go on?) Villains like these can use puddles to seemingly teleport around a rainy battle, making it very hard to both, land a punch and avoid theirs. If you don’t think you’re ready for all of that nonsense, then I suggest staying indoors during rain storms. Don’t worry though, I’m sure there are plenty of cool indoor crimes that you can fight. Most hacking takes place indoors right? You can go fight a hacker! Just toss their computer outside so it gets all wet from the rain. That’s making this terrible weather work for you! Good job!
The rain is a complicated thing. Is it trying to help us or depress us? Heal us or hurt us? It is impossible for us to know the rain’s true intentions. (For now. How’s that rain-mind-reading device coming Brainwave.) <About as well as you’d expect.> (I’m going to take that as a positive sign.) <I don’t mean to rain on your parade but you really shouldn’t.> All we can do is make the best of the situation while its raining. <Did you see what I did there? Rain?> So mudslide your way to victory and start carrying a cool forcefield umbrella in case of a rainy day. <Did you seeeeeeee?> Yes, very good pun Dr. Brainwave. <A pun! Wow! It’s like I’m really part of the team now!> No!
#superhero#superheroes#comics#comedy#humor#hilarious#guide#rain#the rain#weather#Giorgio the Mime#mimes#mime#Mister Mirrors#Mrs. Mirrors#Ms. Mirrors#Monsieur Mirrors#Master Mirrors#Melanie Mirrors#Mirror Mandril#mirrors#puddles#Cloud Hoppers#clouds#Clawsome Claw-Man#Stafan Gloobaloo#underwater acrobat#Dr. Brainwave
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Top Ten Cafes to Visit in Toronto
The following post Top Ten Cafes to Visit in Toronto was first seen on: International association of headache specialist
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The Top 25 Bike Stores in Toronto by Neighbourhood
The following article The Top 25 Bike Stores in Toronto by Neighbourhood was originally published to: https://iaohs.com/
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