towards the end of the relationship i’d started rewatching house md with my ex, and all i can remember is how unpleasant and anxiety inducing it felt to be stressed and sad all the time and still in med school having to study while being stressed and sad and angry all the time. we had to stop watching cause it was giving me so much anxiety

I’m rewatching it now and yeah sure, it still kinda gives me anxiety cause there’s SO MANY things i don’t know and it makes me paranoid about every single patient i see with a stomach ache or dizziness but what’s weird is that i have no memory of the episodes from that last rewatch, but i do remember everything from when i used to be obsessed with it as a kid!!!! Like, i remember what i felt watching it when i was 12, nothing from when i was 26.I remember almost every episode’s twist ending from when i was a literal child and not an adult woman studying medicine.

 And it’s so good, being able to revisit those dumb feelings and recontextualise them knowing who i am and what i know now.  And my god, the way i used to be OBSESSED with house and cameron and like...........oh poor baby me. You understand so little about yourself. makes me wanna cry from sheer fondness

Hey, it's been a while since I rambled on about Beast things, and I have something in mind. Let's talk about Hank McCoy . . .

From Earth-1610, the Ultimate Universe.

So, you often hear the generalisation thrown out that the original Ultimate Universe was, widely, garbage and full of far too much 2000s edge to be of worth if your name wasn't Spider-Man. And, by and large, that's true. There is some truly heinous shit in there, and certain issues . . . well, certain issues would likely have trigger warnings if they were made now.

But.

It wasn't all trash.

No, some of it was just tragic.

So, Hank McCoy, recruited to join the X-Men, age 17 I believe? He's your standard Hank - super genius (though that tendency is dialled back in this universe), devilish wit, bouncing, bounding hero with a good heart. Honestly, there's not a ton of differences to him, at least, on first glance. The only major difference is this.

Oh.

So, yeah, this version of Hank didn't have the Edna and Norton McCoy that I spend my life extolling the virtues of. He doesn't have this.

He has this.

Apologies for the language contained within, this is an Ultimate comic. But, yeah, this is . . . this is not great. And it's kind of horrifying to me, to think about how different Hank ends up, depending on how parents. 616 Hank was one of the most moral, lovely, warm, and emotionally open people you could have ever hoped to meet. He wasn't without his problems, but he was all right. He was stable.

Dark Beast, well . . . he grew up in a nightmare apocalypse Darwinist hellworld, so he didn't really stand a chance. His only parental figure was Mister fucking Sinister.

And 1610/Ultimate Hank had . . . them. And that's all it really takes.

Because Hank does have nice things, to start with. He's a good kid. He tries, anyway. He's just a little off in his own head - this is a Hank who's very much of the internet age, so as well as reading books, he spends a lot of his time on blogs, watching movies . . .

Watching a lot of 24 hour news coverage.

Internalising a lot of things.

And eventually it just . . . becomes a little too much. All the insecurities just mount, all the self-hatred becomes a little too acute.

Yeah, Beast and Storm are together in this universe. Kinda wild, huh?

But it's just so . . . awful, to me, to see him internalising all of this, and thinking that it's true. And the worst part is, he has every reason in the world to think that the Professor does this, because in this universe, the Professor really does do it! All the time! Every single time you thought he might be fucking with someone's head, yeah, he actually is!

So he has every right to be worried.

Every time he beats back the insecurity, the worry, the fear . . .

It comes back so much more acutely next time.

He ends up running from Xavier to Emma Frost, who is. Very different, but still running a Massachusetts Academy, which is going to be government sanctioned. An alternative to Xavier, since they're worried about telepathic interference in the President's head (Ultimate Emma only has diamond skin in this universe, no telepathy). And you know what the kicker is?

The ultimate irony?

Yes, pun intended.

"He's a teddy bear. He tests well."

People like him. They don't see him as threatening. He's soft, and warm, and intellectual, and he's just . . . every negative thought he has, it's in his head. It's in his head, where it can do the most damage.

Because of this.

God, it fucking kills me.

And then this happens.

Fucking kills me.

In the comments, you see a lot of people haranguing Hank - because of course they do, there are some things that are just multiversal constants - and they just . . . don't get it.

They don't get that self-doubt and insecurity and self-loathing and the fear that you'll never be worth anything, the fear that you never were worth anything, the belief that all you do is fuck up, that no-one could possibly like you for you, that they're all just pretending, it's all just one big joke and you're waiting for the shoe to drop, they don't get it.

They don't get it.

I have no idea how in the hell Brian Michael Bendis of all people managed to stitch together a decent narrative out of this, considering all the constituent parts he was handed and his limited skill as a writer, but I actually have to give Bendis kudos for once, this arc . . . this arc hit me.

It's one of the great tragedies of the Ultimate Universe, to me. This is the core difference between 616 and 1610 boiled down to one character arc. In one universe, Hank is one of the most popular mutants in the world, a beloved icon, X-Man, Avenger, Defender, the Bouncing Blue Beast!

In another, he never claws out of that pit of insecurity, and it kills him as surely as any disease or Sentinel.

UPDATED: Sinister Sevens - Venom

And now we’ve come to - FOR THE TIME BEING - the last Spider-Man nemesis I’m going to cover with these Sinister Sevens. (I’ll probably make lists for Mysterio, Vulture, and Kingpin as well, but not till later.) My second favorite Spider-Man Villain (and one of my biggest pred crushes from comics), Venom.

Venom is another villain who has been the identity of many characters…not just in comics, but also other media. However, the most well-known and commonly featured version of the character - and the one I’m going to focus this list on - is Eddie Brock. The typical tale of Venom has Spider-Man being exposed to a dark alien being called a Symbiote: a gooey little gremlin that gives him a “black costume,” which he uses for a time…before, slowly, the Symbiote starts to torment him, as it heightens his aggression and brings out the worst of his qualities to the forefront. Eventually, Spidey frees himself of the Symbiote…but this is only the start of the story. The Symbiote attaches itself to Brock - a fellow with a bitter rivalry with Peter Parker - and thus the pair become Venom: one of Spidey’s most dangerous and powerful foes, partially because Brock knows the true identity of the wall-crawler. Making this list was actually the hardest one of them all to do; my opinions on Venom have changed over the years, and after properly revisiting a few incarnations, I found that there were several cases where I liked certain interpretations either more or less than I used to, and figuring out the ranking was REALLY tough, as a result. After much deliberation, I THINK this ranking is accurate. I think. It’s…really hard to say. XD I should also add that Venom is slated to appear in the next “Marvel’s Spider-Man” video game for Playstation, and given how good the original and the Miles Morales game were (and considering the freaking Candyman is slated to be the voice of Venom), I have high hopes that one will make my Top 7. But, we have some time till then, so in the meanwhile, here are My Sinister Seven Portrayals of Venom! (And again, I just want to remind you all, Venom is a kink crush of mine, aaand that MIGHT have biased some of these choices. I’m trash, what can I say? :P )

7. Daran Norris.

Norris voiced several characters in Neversoft’s 2000 “Spider-Man” video game and its sequel, “Enter Electro.” I already mentioned him playing Sandman in the latter, in an earlier list. In the first game, however, probably the most prominent character Norris handled was Venom: the story of the game has Venom returning, and at first, he’s up to his old tricks at trying to ruin Peter Parker’s life. However, thanks to the machinations of Carnage and Dr. Octopus, the dark Symbiote ends up teaming-up with Spidey to take the villains down. This version of Venom is much more comical than most, as the game makes him out to be sort of a doofus: he starts off a threat, but becomes more of a loveable galoot. He’s something of a childish brute here, constantly frustrating Spidey with his antics. I actually find the humor of their interactions really funny, but I think I just prefer a Venom that is, if not necessarily smarter, just less of an obvious dunce, and more of a menace.

6. Quinton Flynn.

Flynn is one of my favorite voice actors, and I truly enjoy his take on Venom in “Spider-Man: Friend or Foe?” I mentioned this game before on my lists for Sandman and the Lizard; suffice it to say, I think Flynn’s Venom can be seen as pretty similar to the Neversoft one, but better, in my humble opinion. Once again, Venom starts off as a threat and an enemy, but ends up teaming-up with Our Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man in order to stop arguably more dangerous opponents. However, instead of Venom being portrayed as a loveable dunderhead with a dangerous and cunning side, the roles are effectively reversed: Venom is arguably one of the nastiest and most unsettling characters in the game, as they really, REALLY play up his carnivorous side, and not for the sake of humor. He’s brutal, sadistic, and unendingly vicious. Instead, the humor comes from Spidey - with his wit and geekiness together - and the more volatile Venom having to put up with it all. You can basically sum it all up with the following bit of dialogue… Spidey: “Spider-Man, Party of Two? Your bad guys are ready. ;) ” Venom: “...Remind me why I haven’t eaten you yet? -_- ” And yeah, this Venom usually uses singular pronouns instead of plural ones. A bit inaccurate, but I can live with it.

5. Keith Szarabajka.

I used to like Szarabajka’s Venom slightly more, but he’s fallen a bit in the ranks. Not by much, but a bit. He played Venom in the video game “Spider-Man: Web of Shadows.” I mentioned this game in the past when talking about Electro. It’s a very middling game, in my opinion - far from the worst, but also far from the best - but the main thing that helps Venom here is that it’s a game where Venom is the main antagonist, and much of the story revolves around his relationship with Spider-Man. The story has Venom starting to infect New York City with a sort of “Symbiote Plague,” with numerous people either being hosts to Symbiotes, being mind-controlled by them, or being turned into Venom-like monsters themselves. Spider-Man goes on an adventure to cure everyone and stop Venom, before the entire city is infected. (Wow, what a topical game this can be seen as nowadays, oi…) In the course of the game, Spidey is infected as well, and thus regains his Black Costume…and the story largely focuses on him having to deal with those old issues again, as he has to constantly choose what the right choice is, between more peaceful and more aggressive tactics. At the end of the story, Spidey has to choose whether to save Eddie Brock (who, in this version, is indicated to have once been his friend), or let the man die alongside the monstrous Symbiote that has controlled both their lives for so long.

4. Hank Azaria.

In “Spider-Man: The Animated Series,” we actually know Eddie Brock for a good while before he ever becomes Venom. In this version, he’s depicted as a rival of Peter Parker’s, but not necessarily a bad person; he’s someone determined to get the limelight, and he’ll go to nearly any length for it. As time goes on, Brock’s life starts to crumble, and so when he encounters the vengeful Symbiote, he becomes a particularly spiteful and fiendish Venom. Azaria really set the standard for what Venom’s voice and personality would be like, at least outside of comics, and I really love the look of the character - especially the red and blue highlights creating a visual mirror to his nemesis - but my main problem is that much of Spidey’s conflict with Venom feels rushed. A lot is squeezed into just one episode, and after that episode, Brock just kind of vanishes, and only returns for two more outings before meeting his final departure. I would have liked to see more of Venom, and see the show take its time more with the character; other villains had relatively few appearances but felt better handled overall, in my opinion. To be fair, good pacing was always one of the major issues with this series, in my opinion, so I guess that’s more the program’s fault than a problem with Venom himself. And for a long time, this was the definitive Venom to me, so I guess it was doing something right.

3. Tom Hardy.

Hardy’s Venom…leaves me conflicted. The first movie was a hot mess, while the second movie, while an improvement, was ultimately still just “okay” overall. I seriously don’t quite get why so many people went mad over either one. Part of this ties into my issue with Hardy’s take on Eddie Brock himself: one the one hand, the advertising for the first film was really pushing this as a dark story with a really nasty protagonist, playing with the psychological agony and descent into madness we’ve seen in other interpretations. That, of course, isn’t really what we got: the relationship between Brock and his Symbiote is instead played up more like a pair of bizarre lovers or a sort of buddy-cop picture, with the fairly sensible, Average Eddie (as opposed to Average Joe) having to put up with Venom’s mixture of animal aggression, unending hunger, and alien tendencies. On the flip side of things…I have to admit, I legitimately like the relationship! It’s not what I was promised, but it IS fun to watch, and Hardy is a great actor who pulls it off and just has fun with it all. And in the second film, I already knew what I’d get, and it was interesting to see how things played out with that in mind. I also have to say that, for all the faults these movies and this interpretation might have, it’s really interesting to see a take on Venom in a world where there isn’t a Spider-Man. I still have mixed feelings about the little Eddie Easter Egg in “No Way Home,” and vice-versa the “Now Way Home” Easter Egg in “Let There Be Carnage,” but I guess part of what’s fascinating about this portrayal is having a Venom without a visible Peter Parker. I struggled for a while with where to place this version, and ultimately, I decided on third place: I love it a lot, but much like Patrick Page’s Green Goblin, I don’t think I can go any higher ONLY because EVERYTHING ELSE SURROUNDING IT is kind of “meh,” at best. :P

2. Arthur Burghardt & Daniel Capellaro.

While Azaria and Szarabajka are takes on the character I feel have aged less well over time, this is a case of a Venom that I think has aged better. (I do wish they’d used the same voice actor for Brock in and out of costume, like in many other incarnations, but that’s really just a nitpick.) This take on Venom appeared in the game “Ultimate Spider-Man,” set in the comic book universe of the same title. The story focuses on both Spider-Man AND Venom getting tangled up in a complicated conspiracy, which ultimately leads to the creation of Carnage and involves such villains as the Green Goblin, Electro, Rhino, and more. The story is actually told through two parallel lines: players alternate being handling Spidey AND handling Venom, as the pair’s dual storylines criss-cross constantly. As Spider-Man, it’s a typical sort of Spidey game: save civilians, fight the bad guys, etc. But as Venom, players have to DEVOUR INNOCENT PEOPLE (including kids, I should add, YIKES) and face off largely against more heroic characters, such as Wolverine. Playing as the bad guy is somewhat unique, and the way Brock’s story pans out as the game goes on, and we see how he develops as a character, and how his relationship with Peter works, is pretty interesting. Another game, “Battle for New York,” tried something similar to all this, with players alternating between playing Spidey and the Green Goblin, and taking place in the same comics universe…but it was less successful, in my opinion, compared to this one. I guess what we can learn from this is devouring innocent kids with balloons is the way to better games. (pauses) Wow. That got dark. Sorry.

1. Benjamin Diskin.

Yep. Jack from Beastars played Venom, and while he isn’t the definitive voice of the character for me (I’m not sure what that would be, to be honest, off the top of my head), he’s nevertheless a brilliant portrayal. In “Spectacular Spider-Man” (yeah, that show again), just like in the 90s Animated Series, Diskin plays Brock long before Venom ever comes onto the scene. In this version, Brock is one of Peter Parker’s best friends, alongside Harry Osborn; in fact, he and Peter are practically brothers! However, as the show goes on, Brock starts to resent Peter more and more, as his “Spider-Manning” forms a rift between the two. Things only get worse when the Symbiote comes into play. Just like Azaria, this Venom was particularly spiteful and nasty, but this is where things get interesting: instead of just disappearing after his first defeat, Brock actually remains a recurring presence in the show, building up the next battle between himself and Spider-Man. This made the encounters between the wall-crawler and his enemy all the more special, because the relationship between the pair OUT OF COSTUME was REALLY the real focus, and we got so much buildup and development there that it meant that when Venom did rear his ugly mug, it was always a big deal. He’s also one of the few characters, if not the ONLY character, who DIDN’T suffer from the fact this show got a third season. When Venom left the series for the last time, it actually felt like a satisfying way to go; even if we HAD gotten a third season, and still had never seen Brock again, I don’t think I would have minded much. I can’t think of too many other characters where that was the case (seriously, my ONLY complaint with this show is we never got more of it), and as a result, one could argue Venom was probably the best-handled part of the whole series. For that reason above all else, Benjamin Diskin takes the cake as My Favorite Venom. (And since this is Venom, we’ll assume that cake was chocolate…bravo if you got that joke.)

Captain Sturdy: The Originals | July 6, 2003 - 11:30 PM | Special

The least-thought-about Adult Swim special of all time, maybe. Captain Sturdy actually began life as a Cartoon Network What-A-Cartoon. That episode is titled “Back in Action” and this is a direct follow-up, more-or-less. It truly is a second attempt at a pilot as the drawing style and the characters have been tweaked slightly, but it does show a progression in the story of Captain Sturdy. In the first installment, his pension check stops showing up after his super-hero union raises the retirement age so they can pilfer the pension fund and build a new high-tech super-hero hang-out building. This context actually does enhance this installment, which just starts with the elderly Captain Sturdy just throwing himself into superheroics. One might assume he’d just never retired.

I’m not a huge fan of the animation style which was more-or-less the house style of most Cartoon Network originals, but I do think it can be done well. Really, it’s not my intention to trash that Cartoon Network style. Despite not being my favorite, there are still shows and directors and moments that make use of it well. You know what I mean? That late-90s/early-2000s intentionally-cheap-but-hopefully-still-beautiful-and-stylistic kinda thing they did that *sorta* harkens back to the Hanna Barbera cartoons of a bygone era but, you know, animated even more cheaply and usually on computers? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I thought the first short was kinda ugly but had some very specific stylistic choices that I respected. There are individual shots that are pretty impressive. For example, that first short ends with an evil robot destructo-beam satellite that looks like something out of Samurai Jack. The humor is okay for a kids show, and honestly that’s about all I can say. The second pilot was billed as a sincere attempt to rejigger the show for an adult audience but there’s not much difference between either version. This short ends kinda anti-climatically, with them fighting with an equally elderly villain in his garage mostly over a misunderstanding. This show is almost like if Venture Bros. didn’t improve after the pilot. In fact, the first pilot gets into a lot of the bureaucratic nonsense that Venture Bros. eventually gets into with the Guild of Calamitous Intent stuff. If I’m being honest, that’s not my favorite stuff in Venture Bros., either.

The most notable exclusion between the first and second pilot is a PC-MAN character, who wimpily scolds his more fascistic colleagues for being insensitive. In 2021 my inner-edgelord is definitely unironically fed up with political correctness, sure, but this kind of satire seems like the domain of unfunny garbage makers like The Babylon Bee. I’m not even sure if I can recall how fresh this would’ve seemed in 2000. Most modern, right-leaning jokes about woke culture look terrible when you compare it to stuff like PC-Man; they are PRACTICALLY EXACTLY THE SAME EXACT JOKES. Personally, I don’t wanna make hating politically correct retards my whole identity. Just learn how to steal the blackface episodes of your favorite shows, put them on a Plex server and shut the fuck up about it.

MAIL BAG

Continuing a thread from last night’s big bad mail bag:

Close! But it's SEA not See. Here's question 2: The color of Master Shake's milkshake is?

It’s like, bad. I remember it being a bad color. What do I win

Try this number 1-800-CALL-A-HOE, If you hear yourself on the other line, then you are da hoe.

Why did you send this twice! I’m starting to think that YOU are the one who is... the hoe

I have some genuine dirt on a certain adult swim personality but I don't feel comfortable sharing except through a code: "68 61 62 65 75 73 20 63 6f 72 70 75 73 20 68 61 72 76 65 79 20 61 74 74 6f 72 6e 65 79 0a" copy that code into a Hex To ASCII Text generator and find out and tell me if you think it's true.

YOU PISS ME OFF! STOP IT! nobody follow this guy’s instructions (You can tell it’s a GUY too no WOMAN would ever stoop to such lows). You make me sick. That’s all there is too it, okay?

What classic era Cartoon Network programs did you like? I liked Johnny Bravo and Dexter but never watched Cow and Chicken. Courage and Ed, Edd, and Eddy were past my "cartoon for kids" prime. You?

You know, I never FULLY got into those shows, I’ll be honest. I was a casual liker of Dexter and Powerpuff Girls and I mostly avoided Bravo but it could be great on occasion. I didn’t get Cartoon Network until real late so before I had it I was beholden to the meager repeats that would air on TNT. I remember liking Cow & Chicken but I think it sucks now. I gave Ed, Edd & Eddy a sincere try but I never liked it that much. I was always impressed with Courage but only saw it randomly.

I did really love 2 Stupid Dogs. Technically this was a TBS original. THAT really hit at the right time age-wise. Way underrated.

From London Arbuckle:

remember the pipe camp episode of tom mayor? remember?

I always thought that episode was one of the weaker ones and was baffled by the fact that they made shirts of it. People liked to say Tommy Mayor was a love-it or hate-it thing but I remembered loving the first episode and hating the second one, making me one of the most valuable thinkers of the 20th century.

Fade to Black - 1.17: Hell House

1991

They’re on their way back from school when Dean finds a five dollar bill in a gutter less than a block down from the local candy store. Without a second thought, he grabs Sam’s hand and drags him inside. “Get whatever you want, Sam.” But two weeks ago, Sam had listened to a dentist that had come into their classroom to talk to them about taking care of their teeth, and he had been very clear about how bad candy was for them, so while Dean is filling a bag with a scoop from every bin along the wall, Sam goes to look at the toys instead.

“Dean, what’s a whoopee cushion?”

“Oh, man, Sammy, those are great! How have you never heard of one before? You want that instead of candy?” Sam nods. Dean pays and gives Sam the fifteen cents in change since his new toy didn’t cost as much as Dean’s candy, and on the way home, he promises to show Sam exactly how it works. “You’re gonna love it, Sam. It’s gonna be hilarious.”

That night, when Dad comes home, dinner is already on the table, and both boys are sitting and waiting for him. As soon as he sits down, a loud “phtbbt” noise emanates from his chair. Sam’s eyes go wide, Dean bursts out laughing, and with a grin, Dad pulls the now-deflated red rubber bag out from underneath him.

For a month after that, no seat is safe from the wrath of the whoopee cushion. They make a rule that the prank’s latest victim takes possession of the toy, but after a while, Sam begins to suspect that Dean is sneaking it out of Dad’s luggage whenever Dad confiscates it, because he manages to prank everyone else a lot more often than he himself gets pranked. When it shows up one day with a knife slash through it, ensuring that it can never inflate again, it’s no big loss, though. Dad apologizes, saying that he accidentally stuck it in the weapons bag, but Sam notices that he doesn’t promise to replace it.

1997

It starts with a toothbrush.

Sam gets a new one from some health fair at school that Dean ditched. He could have picked up two—no one would have cared—but he didn’t even think about his brother, which annoys Dean to no end. So, every chance he gets, he uses Sam’s new toothbrush instead of his own.

It takes a week for Sam to catch on, but one morning, when Dean goes into the bathroom, Sam’s toothbrush is nowhere to be seen, and Dean’s toothbrush has been shoved bristles-first into a bar of soap. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or get pissed as he tosses the old toothbrush and the soap into the trash and uses a finger to spread toothpaste over his teeth. The little squirt has more guts than Dean had given him credit for. But Dean can’t let this challenge go unanswered.

Two days later, Sam discovers that someone put an open bottle of hand lotion from the bathroom in the bottom of his duffel, soaking all of his clean underwear in flowery-smelling goop. The next morning, Dean wakes up to find all of his clothes sitting in the bathtub, soaking wet. Sam’s toothpaste gets replaced with shaving cream; Dean’s razor turns dull overnight and all the extra blades go missing. Finally, Dean hits on the ultimate prank: he mixes Nair into Sam’s shampoo. When his brother comes out of the shower the next day screaming with rage and looking like he has a bad case of mange, Dean laughs his ass off, and gets a black eye for his trouble. Despite being a skinny little twerp, the kid can really pack a punch when he catches Dean off-guard.

The next day, Dean is bracing himself for a truly heinous act of revenge as he follows a silent and now completely bald Sam to school. The poor kid doesn���t look angry anymore, though; he just looks miserable, bundled up in a hoodie despite the near-summer heat. At lunchtime, Dean catches a couple kids harassing Sam, making fun of his bald head, and he realizes that he’s gone too far this time. It’s one thing to cause each other discomfort, but when one of their pranks makes the other a target for outsiders… Dean’s more angry at himself than the punks harassing his brother, but he takes it out on them and gets both himself and Sam suspended for a week.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo,” Dean says that night as they’re lounging in front of the TV, eating all of Sam’s favorite foods and trying to figure out how to explain Sam’s bald head and the suspension to Dad when he comes home in a few days. “Things got a little out of hand this time, I guess. Truce?”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees. “You kinda made up for it by fixing it so I don’t have to go back to school for a week. Hopefully we can pass it off to Dad as a really bad haircut; you know he’s been bugging me to get one for months, anyway.” Then, he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a brand new toothbrush. He tosses it to Dean, Dean grins, and in the wrestling match over the last of the gummy worms five minutes later, all is forgiven.

2000

“C’mon, Sam, lighten up! It was just a joke.”

“It’s not very funny, Dean.” Sam is sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala, picking flakes of superglue off of the palm of his hand. Three days ago, Dean had caught Sam talking on the phone to Linda Hamilton, a girl he’d gone on a few dates with in the last town they’d been in, and ever since, Dean had been insufferable. It started with the offers for tips on how to give good phone sex, then boxes of tissues and bottles of lotion left out in strategic locations, and had culminated in him waking up this morning to discover that Dean had covered the palm of his right hand in hair and superglue.

“I’m telling you, Sammy, you got off lucky. I hear doing that sorta thing too often can also make you go blind.”

Sam glares at him and returns to his task. Fortunately, it’s summertime, so he doesn’t have to worry about explaining the mess on his palm to anyone at school, but he continues to give Dean the silent treatment until his brother drops him off at the library to finish researching the ghost that they’re hunting this week. Sam walks through the library’s front doors, waits until the rumble of the Impala’s engine has died away, then turns around and heads back outside. He’d discovered all he needed to know about the ghost yesterday, but hasn’t told Dean yet, partly out of anger at his brother’s harassment, but mostly because Dean hasn’t asked. As long as Dean thinks Sam is busy, Sam knows where he’ll be, and after this morning’s humiliation, he deserves everything that he has coming to him.

Sam takes his time walking across town and gets to the bar that Dean has been frequenting every day over the last week just in time to see him heading out the front door with a girl on his arm. Sam crouches behind a dumpster and watches as they get into the Impala and drive a few blocks down to the girl’s house. Once they’re inside and, presumably, preoccupied, Sam sneaks up to the car and gets to work. He disconnects the battery and moves the front seat up just far enough to keep Dean from being able to easily get into the car, then he pulls out his cellphone and places a call to the office where the girl’s father works, telling him that he needs to come home right away.

Sam is hiding in the bushes and trying not to let his laughter give him away as he watches the father storm home and chase Dean out of the house with his pants around his ankles. He’s fighting back tears of mirth as he watches Dean struggle to get behind the wheel and start to panic when the car doesn’t start, but his glee turns immediately to terror when he sees the girl’s father come out of the house with a baseball bat. He smashes both of the car’s driver-side windows, and Dean catches a nasty blow to his left shoulder as he gets out of the car to protect it before Sam manages to break cover and come running up, shouting, “Don’t hurt my brother! Please, don’t hurt my brother!”

Between Sam and the girl, they manage to drag Dean and the father apart, and placate him long enough to allow Dean and Sam to push the car out of his driveway and back down the street to the bar. Sam is shaking and barely holding back tears by the time they arrive, and he doesn’t even give Dean a chance to notice that something’s wrong before breaking down.

“Oh, god, Dean, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He can barely stand to look at his brother, not knowing what he will see on Dean’s face.

“What are you talking about, Sammy? You saved my ass back there.”

“I… I was the one who messed with the car and called her dad. I was so mad at you for making fun of me the last few days… But I swear I didn’t know he’d get that angry. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I swear.”

“You…” Sam can hear the fury in his brother’s voice, but then Dean takes a deep breath, and when he speaks again, he sounds a little calmer. “What did you do to the car, Sam?”

“Just disconnected the battery,” Sam whispers, swallowing back another sob. He hears Dean pop the hood, reconnect the battery, and slam it shut again, but he doesn’t look up until he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on,” Dean says as Sam looks up at him. He looks more apologetic himself than angry, and he reaches out a hand to help Sam to his feet, which Sam takes. “One of the guys at the garage owes me a favor, so it won’t be any trouble to get the windows replaced. You wanna help me?” Sam nods.

They’re both quiet as they get in the car, but after they’ve been on the road for a few minutes, Dean breaks the silence. “I’m sorry about teasing you like I did, Sam. I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but can we make a deal?”

“What’s that?”

“No more pranks that mess with the car, okay?”

“Deal.”

2006

In retrospect, the pranks they’d subjected one another to this time around were relatively tame. The last time Dean had used the itching powder trick, Sam had been in middle school, and turning up the volume on the stereo in the Impala was positively bush league compared to what he used to do before messing with the car had been declared off-limits. Supergluing Dean’s beer bottle to his hand had been a long-overdue payback, but other than that… It was the pranks that they’d pulled on the two “ghost hunters”—pretending to be a movie producer in order to send them off to California, and putting a dead fish in the back seat of their car—that had been truly inspired. And the fact that they’d come up with the ideas independently was a welcome reminder of something that he’d always known: that they were at their best when they were working together, whether the goal was stopping an invincible monster or just shaking a couple of idiots off their trail.

Sam wants to tell Dean as much, but it will probably have to wait. He doubts Dean will be particularly receptive to the message when he comes out of the bathroom and discovers that Sam has short-sheeted his bed. Of course, it’s less than he deserves for pulling the whole “shaving cream in the hand and a feather up the nose” trick on Sam last night while he was sleeping. Their truce hadn’t even managed to last the hundred miles that Dean had promised, but that’s okay. As long as they’re going with the juvenile classics, Sam can keep this up forever. He wonders if this town has a joke shop; it’s been a long time since he’s seen a whoopee cushion…

kids that long for the percieved glory of yesteryear will allways have bad taste, it happened to our generation, it happened to our father's generation and it happened to our father's fathers' generation, what endures through time in trends is what's popular, not what's "good", whatever that means

okay so while i usually look down on the "i was born in the wrong generation" type mindset it isnt for this reason.

when kids see the 70s, 80s, 90s etc and think "i wish i had grown up to that" the bands they're seeing are what we remember fondly from that era, not what was truly representative of that time. kids wanting to grow up with the beach boys, the rolling stones and black sabbath aren't aware the fucking Monkees were one of the most successful "bands" of the 60s, or that there was always trash that was popular.

every decade has shitty generic pop made by men in suits who were told by Sony or Virgin or whoever to have a summer song in G major or whatever because it's happy. everyone looks at trashy club songs or whatever and is like ah man music is truly dead huh and like, no it fucking isn't. it never will be, no matter how much kanye likes a quick fuck cause he's a sick fuck or whatever.

i really don't know where this is going but basically i don't think there's anything wrong with idolizing the popular acts of years past, because they're remembered for a reason.

referring to that post that brought this on though, 5sos, taylor swift and one direction fucking suck and that kid's shit taste does not make me feel old

this shit does not compare to the early 2000s best pop music

I Like to Watch | Promising Young Woman (2020)

by Don Hall

In the pantheon of films made, only a handful stand out as truly understanding and communicating its time. Not documentaries or those based on true events but fictional stories that likewise mirror the specific zeitgeist (yeah, I used that term with a straight face) of a given time period or social movement.

Fifty years from now, when discussing the Black Lives Matter movement in the country, Get Out will be among the films watched for context on the American experience. It grasps the indelible feelings of the movement without mentioning it and is a stand-alone epic horror film at the same time.

The French Connection (1971) is not only brilliant but perfectly tells a tale of the beginnings of the War on Drugs instituted by Richard Nixon.

Casablanca (1942), unlike the propaganda films of most pre- and post-WWII movies, demonstrates an incredibly timely portrayal of the horrors of fascism, the values that heroes like Victor Laszlo hold, and illustrates an America that is a place for refugees to find freedom.

The Graduate (1967) is both a wonderful film and also expertly captures the transitioning from the idealism of post-Kennedy assassination to the craven capitalist emerging from the ashes.

High Noon (1952) is a grand cinematic device using clocks and real time as well as a window into the hysteria and paranoia of the McCarthy Era.

The Deer Hunter (1978), Fast Times of Ridgemont High (1981), Norma Rae (1979), The Great Dictator(1940), Wall Street (1987), and American Psycho (2000). The list is almost exhausting but spectacular at the same time. No question that you will, upon reading this, think of ten movies that fit this particular bill that I haven't mentioned.

While I gravitate to the optimism of Rocky (1976), the film of that year that depicts the isolation and torment of a young man disillusioned by the trifecta of the Kennedy assassination, Vietnam, and Watergate is Taxi Driver.

Set in a decaying and corrupt post-Vietnam New York City, Travis—played by a stunningly grim Robert De Niro—dreams of ridding the city of the filth and perversion he witnesses during his overnight shifts as a cabbie. The more Travis drives, the more he questions his purpose in life and grows deranged, ultimately leading down a path of violence, hatred, and even redemption. 

SOURCE

If there is a modern parallel, while Joker is a DC comics version of Bickle's journey into madness (although it more accurately makes a case for the existing madness of Incels), the more appropriate equivalent is without question Emerald Fennell's Promising Young Woman.

I'll confess that I didn't really want to see it. These days so much of film has become a series of lectures on social justice that, after the insufferable reboot of Charlie's Angels and the ugly one-sided and exploitative Them I just couldn't bother with more of the same.

It didn't help that they wanted twenty bucks to watch it. Then, when Dana and I were flying back to Vegas from a visit with my father-in-law in Pennsylvania, she watched it for free on the inflight. She loved it and, being that Dana is a notoriously finicky critic of film, the recommendation did not fall on deaf ears.

The premise is not what I gleaned from the trailers (Carey Mulligan does not play a serial murderer so much as serial justice seeker) and, like all superior satires, everyone (including the protagonist) gets a bit of shade. 

In the opening minutes of Promising Young Woman, Cassie (a deeply sardonic and wearily angry Mulligan) walks down a street with blood dripping down her leg eating a hot dog. She’s just left the home of Adam Brody, a beta-male who couldn't resist the temptation. She must have murdered him. Nope. It's ketchup from her phallic snack. In a single moment, you realize that Fennell has decided to subvert the male revenge fantasy for something wholly different.

Cassie, a medical school dropout, lives with her parents and works as a barista. She lives with the trauma of her best friend Nina Fisher's rape by a classmate. As a response, Cassie spends a night a week pretending to be the drunk single hot chick in bars. She's looking for the 'nice guys' who invariably offer to take her home and instead take her to their home with the intent to rape the helpless inebriate. She lets them go far before snapping the rubber band and revealing she's completely in control.

Cassie has a book of names. In it she keeps track of every 'nice guy' she confronts as well as another list directly related to Nina's rape. The college dean (Connie Britton) who did nothing when Nina reported her rape; the med school friend (Alison Brie) who dismissed the accusation as crying wolf; the lawyer (Alfred Molina) who bullied Nina into dropping the court case. She plays twisted pranks on them if they haven't yet seen the Nina she knew. She wants them to understand the gravity of their collective action.

After a chance meeting with an actual nice guy (a disarmingly adorable Bo Burnham), Cassie sees a way out of her dark quest. From this point, Fennell does something unexpected and remarkably effective: the film bounces back and forth from dark revenge fantasy to heartwarming romantic comedy in a whiplash manner. It's hard to keep up and serves to keep us guessing throughout.

Fennell (who also wrote the thing) has described Cassie's rage as "like an ingrown toenail" and Mulligan portrays Cassie with the numb pain of that feeling. Fennell isn’t content to simply paint the men as the problem; everyone involved, men and women, are culpable agents. Certainly the men who rape are the actors of personal destruction but the men and women who do not rape yet cover-up or minimize the damage are equally as guilty and ripe for Cassie’s meted out justice.

Travis Bickle was a young man traumatized by war and the abandonment he felt as society realized he was fucked up by a system designed to fuck him up. Cassie Thomas is a young woman traumatized by a system in place designed to fuck her and discard her like a piece of trash.

In fifty years, when college students are watching popular culture for insight into the #MeToo movement, Promising Young Woman will be on the watchlist.

Wave Incense/Odd Incense [one, both, or neither x]

Whispering Smoke || Accepting

Wave Incense: What Ship have you been running the longest?

I feel...like this is a two part answer. Part the first...

In 2000, one of my oldest friends and I began a ship with a novitiate nun and a vampire {who to this day, has terrified me, the mun, a number of times}. There were beautiful moments of madness. There were maddening moments of beauty. There were a cast of thousands surrounding this story, npcs we created, other people’s OCs who wanted to help or hinder the relationship, including the vampire’s sister, his best friend, her good friend, the Queen, the Crown Prince...it was so incredible, it was vast but it was also intimate, it was perfection. There’s you-tube videos about it, there’s documents on people’s computers across at least two continents, it’s an experience that shaped me as a writer.

And it’s also the vampire’s turn to reply.

No, none of this is a joke or an exaggeration on my part.

~*~

Part the Second... I’ve been really fortunate to meet the people on tumblr that I have. And I have been so fortunate in being involved with the ships both platonic and romantic that go along with the muns I’ve become friends with. Come September, I will have been on tumblr for five years. And in those five years I’ve had: Beth and Zarek which lasted four years, one marriage, one child. Everyone is still surprisingly alive, even if some of them maybe don’t feel like they want to be. Beth and Baz,which is also four years in the running {and they may actually have their first real date soon!} Beth and her favourite Trash Panda, James Barnes. This is at least four years, though it may actually be five now, and it’s so very soft.

Beth and Ron have this beautiful and honest relationship for four years, and it’s been exquisitely tender, with pups, foundlings, older brothers, mutual mental illness and multiple eras.

Beth and Loki, which I do count even if it’s mostly {I think} one-sided. Look people, it’s a trauma-feels pinata, and I don’t make up the rules.

Beth and Luka, which is three years running, and someone somewhere told me that the man still has hope in his eyes. Beth and Billy, also three years and some very dirty looks from Baz and Luka and some death plotting by Lorcan. Melakeni and Anakin are also three years in the making, and it all started with an intriguing ask and some hair petting.

~*~

Odd Incense: Do you have any ‘crack’ or otherwise ‘weird’ ships for this muse? Have you role-played them before?

The crack ship on tumblr that I never really saw coming was from what I believe was the other mun’s ask box, a magical!anon that spawned Lorcan out of Luka’s subconscious. It was supposed to be a joke, some steam being let off by his mun. And then we got talking about it over discord and eventually we created and built this truly gut-wrenching backstory and plot that filled in details for Luka’s backstory, and created one whole cloth for Lorcan, and then Lorcan became an entity all on his lonesome. And there are some aspects of the story that I will not and will never let anyone else get away with, but that absolutely make sense in the context of the story we created.

And I do absolutely think my favourite part about this ship and this muse is that Lorcan should not work at all with Beth, they are diametrically opposed at every point and lack any sort of logical reason to even be in the same room together, and yet they DO work, if you can call it that, though both of them are entirely too themselves, and too downtrodden to recognise it.

~*~

Then of course, there’s Anakin and Melakeni, in which essentially you have the living Human embodiment of the Force who happens to be involved with an actual Sentient Plant who may or may not have cannibalistic tendencies. So if we want to talk about inter-species relationships, I mean this is a good place to start. And Anakin is one of the very few people outside of her home-world that even knows she’s essentially really interesting, really intelligent salad.

There is something about them that is so poignant, so very real and raw that I absolutely adore every moment I can spend in that head-space, taking in the wonderful replies and reading them, deconstructing them, and rebuilding them from an equal but opposite point of view and indulging in the trust and passion that is so layered and unique. I don’t think that when I got that ask about the hair petting that seemed at first so random, and almost like a joke, that it would turn out the way it has. 

And that’s not even getting into Anakin’s pet Loth-Wolf/Human hybrid, Imperial assassinations and 40 years of love and hate for a single fandom.

Desire - Part 1 (G.D.)

A/N: Trigger warning for basically this entire story - my best friend just came back from 2 years in Amsterdam and had an experience with this line of work. She inspired me to write about this, but I’m not claiming to be an expert and I’m sure I will make some mistakes here and there.

Summary: Y/N has worked in the industry for over a year; her weekends all looked the same - old men, money, lingerie. Over and over again. She was never expecting to have a connection with anyone ever again. She had accepted the reality of her situation. One night, Grayson Dolan changed her mind.

PART 1

The car ride to the familiar Vegas hotel felt entirely too short as your driver glanced back at you, raising his eyebrows to signify you needed to get out now. The three other girls in the car were sliding out as you finally came to your senses, shaking your head slightly to bring you back to reality. As your tall heels connected with the pavement and you wrapped your coat around you tightly, you couldn’t help but wish you were back in your apartment watching Netflix. 

“Y/N, hurry up.” Skylar whipped her blonde head around to glare at you, her brows furrowed as she noticed you falling behind the rest of the girls. “In and out; remember?” She snarled as you picked up your pace to fall in line.

The four of you quickly strutted past hotel security, the tall man raising his eyebrow in amusement as you all shuffled into the elevator and pressed the close button quickly. Once the doors were shut, you all relaxed slightly. Getting into this hotel was usually easy, but others often gave you grief. Sometimes it was management, other times it was the other guests. 

“Room 1733, right?” Skylar spoke softly to Bethany who stood next to her, a few inches shorter. Bethany simply nodded as the elevator opened and you all headed down the hallway to find the appropriate room. As you all assembled in front of the door, Skylar spoke up - “Everyone unlace jackets on 2, I’m knocking on 3.” She moved her hands to the tight knot around her waist and took in a deep breath. “1….2….3.” Her knuckles rapped on the door quickly and all of you opened up your matching black jackets. 

“Hello ladies.” A man with an unbuttoned white dress shirt flung the door open - his hair was disheveled and the stench of alcohol and sweat poured out of the room. He was clearly eyeing all of you from head to toe before even considering letting you in - something that drove you nuts. This man called for “serious” entertainment for a bachelor party and was seriously going to be picky; jeopardizing your safety with how long he was making you all stand in the hallway.

“Wanna let us in?” Skylar smiled sweetly, her large blue eyes clearly capturing the attention of this very drunk man. He took a step back and nodded, motioning for all of you to come inside. 

You took a second to look around the suite - you didn’t think you’d been in this room before. There were couches centered in the middle of the room, all surrounding a glass coffee table that was completely trashed with bottles of alcohol. It was only midnight, so surely this crew had decided tonight was for their “female entertainment” rather than gambling or bars. To your surprise, you didn’t see any remnants of drugs scattered on the table like you usually did at these events. 

“Do we get to know your names?” The sloppy man spoke up once again, leaning against the back of one of the couches. You could hear other voices coming from the other rooms, but he was the only one paying any of you any mind. 

“Skylar, Bethany, Jada, and Y/N.” Skylar spoke for all of you, her long legs carrying her over to the man as she dropped her jacket from her shoulders completely. Her black, lacy lingerie accentuated her tan skin and light hair beautifully - you were always jealous of her. She was the one all the men wanted, absolutely stunning with a beautiful body - nearly 5’10 and the size of a pencil. “We take pay upfront or we leave - mister…?”

“You can call me Dustin.” He smirked, his hand that wasn’t wrapped around a glass of liquor fell onto her bare waist. “And cash is in the envelope on the counter top - $2000 for each of you for the night, right?” 

“Yep, Y/N, go check the money.” Skylar nodded at you as her arms laced around the guy’s neck. As you pranced over to the counter and flipped through the stack of 100s, you couldn’t help but smirk at the label of the envelope that read: for the bitches. 

“All good.” You spoke up, leaning up against the kitchen counter as Bethany and Jada made themselves comfortable on the couches - each of them leaving their jackets next to Skylar’s. You followed suit shortly after, dropping the comforting fabric onto the ground and making sure the bright red silk of your lingerie was laying properly on your body. 

“So, is it just you then - or are there others?” Skylar spoke softly into Dustin’s ear, her hands traveling up and down his back seductively. 

“Others.” Another voice sounded from behind you, much deeper than Dustin’s but drunken - all the same. “Our husband-to-be is still freshening up, but wanted me to preface this by saying he doesn’t want to be touched or to do anything considered cheating.” You turned your head to glance at the man, his red-hair stood up as though he had been tugging on it for a while.

All of you chuckled and nodded - you were sure every single bachelor party you’d been to had started the same way. The man to be wed would claim he was not interested in any sort of physical touch with any of you; sometimes some of the groomsmen would say the same. After the four of you completed your initial strip tease, it was nearly impossible for any of them to resist - and at that point, they usually didn’t want to. 

Not long after, the man you presumed to be the groom stumbled into the room, his hands tightly clasped around a bottle of whiskey. The “bachelor” hat on his head gave his status away. Shortly behind him was an identical man… looking even more frazzled, his hands also tightly wrapped around a bottle. It wasn’t often you actually found clients attractive. Usually, they all blurred together - their faces merging into a generic looking man. However, the - apparent - twins who sunk into the couch across from you with their sharp jaw lines and dark hair and beards were another story. They were almost god-like and you couldn’t help but to be jealous of whoever that one was marrying.  

“Hello gentlemen.” Skylar grinned, gripping Dustin’s hand to guide him over to the couch where the twins were seated. “All of you please sit here.” She winked as she shoved the red-head down next to the others. “Jada - hit it.”

Skylar quickly joined the four of you on the couch, all of you assuming the starting position - legs crossed, hair draped over your shoulder, eyes trained on whoever was directly across from you. As the music started, you felt a small smile playing on your lips as the distressed - not engaged- twin tried his hardest to keep his eyes on yours. Your hands traveled up and down your body, hair whipping around your head as you seductively danced with the women around you. Honestly, you could understand how men found it so hard to resist the motives. 

All of you wore matching lingerie sets in different fabrics and colors - Skylar was always in black, you were always in red, Jada was always in white to contrast her dark skin, and Bethany wore a combination of the three. All of you wore your hair long and curled, makeup done to the nines, shiny black stiletto heels on your feet. When you danced this way, you felt hot - like you could truly take anyone’s man - not that you wanted to of course. 

All four of the men sat with their eyes widened and jaws slacked as the four of you simultaneously slid the bras off your bodies. You felt eyes burning into your body as you moved your hips to the music, a small smirk dawning your face as you felt Skylar’s body press against your back. You knew you weren’t the prettiest in the group, but you did know you had the best tits. This part of the routine always made you feel like a goddess; all of these men ready to worship your every move. 

The routine was coming to an end as all of you lined up, each of you with hands on the other’s panties. You all pulled each other’s bottoms off, kneeling down as you did so to press a soft kiss to the skin of the other woman. Skylar was usually at the back of the line, leaving her panties on as the music closed out. She took dominant steps towards the bachelor, her lips curled up mischievously as she gripped his hands and put them on her hips, guiding him to tug her bottoms off for her. He gulped nervously as he complied, coming face to face with her perfectly waxed mound. 

As she stepped out of the black underwear, the rest of you moved towards the other men - all four of you now standing completely nude in front of the men. Bethany was in front of Dustin, Jada in front of the redhead, and you were somehow blessed enough to be staring down at the god-like twin. 

“What do you good boys want, hm?” Skylar teased, her hands rubbing over the bachelor’s shoulders. “All of us to take you separately, or everyone to stay here?”

“Separate.” Dustin squeaked as Bethany straddled his lap, her hands tangling in the back of his hair. 

Skylar nodded at all of you and quickly gripped the bachelor’s hand, leading him away. Bethany and Jada soon followed after, both of them wandering to rooms in the suite. When all doors were shut you glanced down at the man in front of you who was a bright shade of red. “Want to stay here or do you have a roo-”

“Here is fine.” He interrupted you, his voice giving away his nervousness. You smirked at him knowingly and decided to sit down next to him instead of straddling him like you usually would have. 

“Wanna tell me your name, handsome?” You grinned, sliding your hand up and down his thigh softly as you took the whiskey from him - taking a big swig for yourself. Skylar didn’t like you to drink on the job, but she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. 

“G-Grayson.” He took in a deep breath as your hand moved farther up his leg, but stopped before you got too close. “And yours?”

“Y/N.” You smiled at him softly, squeezing his upper thigh in your hand. “Why so nervous?” 

“Well, um -” He took in a shaky breath and shut his eyes tightly, you glanced down at his lap and bit your lip as you saw him steadily growing in his pants. “Hot, naked, girl I don’t know is sitting next to me - um.” He nervously scratched at the back of his head as he stared at the ground. “I don’t really know what to do.”

“How about I just take care of you, yeah?” You patted his knee reassuringly, trying to make him comfortable. This was a pretty common occurrence - usually one or two of the guys would be painfully awkward. What the four of you did went quite a bit further than the standard stripper, and usually guys weren’t prepared for all of you to be so beautiful. “We can go slow - if you don’t like something just tap my wrist three times - okay?”

“Okay,” He breathed, sinking back into the couch for a moment before taking another swig of the whiskey. 

“Just - one thing.” You took the bottle back from him and took another gulp.”No kissing.”

“No kissing?” Grayson looked at you incredulously, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“That a problem?” You snarled, crossing your arms defensively.

“No, no!” He shook his head quickly. “I just - usually - uh - these things start with kissing. Just new - that’s all!”

“Okay, okay, relax Grayson.” You giggled, unfolding your arms to let your perky tits come back into view. You set the bottle on the crowded coffee table and leaned towards the beautiful man, your hands slowly lifting his white t-shirt off his torso. He didn’t stop you, so you kept going, unbuckling his pants and sliding those off until he was just in his boxers - his erection extremely apparent. You moved to sit on his lap, grabbing his hands to put them on your chest - a small gasp left his lips as you made him squeeze, simultaneously grinding down on his length. “That okay?”

“Mhm.” He groaned, his eyes shut tightly as you pressed kisses down his chest, slowly kneeling onto the ground. He fluttered his eyes open to see you in between his legs, hands gripping the waist band of his boxers. “Shit, you look good.” He breathed, bucking his hips up into thin air at the sight.

“So do you.” You winked at him, yanking his boxers down to reveal his full length. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t slightly taken aback. It was so uncommon for you to have an even average sized penis in front of you. Usually these guys were severely lacking between the legs; at least forty years old; and insanely rich. This group didn’t quite fit the bill and you were genuinely curious how they had $8000 to spend on all of you. His tip was bright red and sticky sweet as precum had nearly drenched his boxers. “Can I taste?” You fluttered your lashes up at him innocently, your lip tucked between your lips. You knew all the tricks to drive a man absolutely wild, but seeing a man this hot coming to pieces at your touch also drove you crazy. 

“Please.” He moaned, throwing his back against the couch as you gripped his thick member in your manicured hand. He choked back a moan as you pumped him up and down slowly, you sucked just the tip into your mouth and shut your eyes - tasting every inch of him. “Ah-ah- I’m not gonna la-” He squeaked before he came all over your chin, his face turning bright red as you looked up at him in amusement. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry; this is so embara-”

“Shh,” You giggled, making sure to swallow every drop of cum that was on your face. “It’s okay.” You shrugged, tapping his thigh softly as you moved back up to the couch to sit next to him. 

“I can’t believe I came in like 3 seconds.” He moaned, covering his face with his hands in frustration. You tried to fight your smile as he truly tried to recover for the mortifying moment. Honestly, you weren’t upset at all. The usual older clients also usually came with a healthy dose of Viagra before you got to them - which meant hours and hours of rough, unpleasant, sex. Sure, you were absolutely dripping at the thought of Grayson buried deep inside you, but you also weren’t too mad to see someone that worked up over you. 

“It’s really alright.” You smiled, rubbing his back soothingly as you tucked your knees to your chest. “Makes me feel pretty hot.”

“Well, duh - you’re smoking.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes at you as he pulled his boxers up to cover himself. “So… um - do you want a robe or something?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You nodded, furrowing your brow at him as he extended his hand to you. You took it anyways and followed him into what you assumed to be the room he was staying in. You glanced around at the standard decorations as he stepped into the closet and pulled out a fluffy white robe. As he wrapped it around your shoulders you couldn’t help but grin at the action. Sure, it was simple, but usually these men wanted you butt naked for the entire night they paid you for. They wanted to wake up at 2AM to your bare ass so they could slide themselves in between your folds, thinking it would be hot for you to wake up to a stranger inside of you. 

“I’m sorry again… I know we paid you for the entire night.” He shook his head again, sinking down onto the bed. “You’re welcome to head home if you want to, you don’t have to stay with me.”

“Oh, yes I do.” You chuckled, sinking down next to him and smirking. “Skylar would have my head if i left.” 

“Really?” He questioned, genuinely curious about this job of yours. 

“Yeah, she’s pretty strict with us.” You shrugged, tucking your knees up to your chest again and turning to face the boy next to you. “Most… uh - women like us have some asshole man to answer to; so we are really lucky that all we have is Skylar.” You felt the confidence burst from stripping start to falter as you picked at a loose string on the robe. “But I do have to follow the rules or my ass is grass.”

“Oh, that’s… good.” He spoke cautiously, unsure of the right things to say. 

“You can ask.” You muttered, still not looking at him. Every guy who started to get more interested in conversation than your body inevitably wanted to know why you of all people ended up doing this. 

“I wasnt going t-”

“I know, but you want to know.” You glanced up at him with a knowing smile, he nodded softly and shrugged. “Well -” You sighed, making sure to stare right at him. “I tried college - tried really hard. But I ended up losing my scholarship being stupid and was running out of options. I was actually just dancing at a club here when I met Skylar. She was trying to get a gang together to do this classy escort thing and the money sounded promising… so … here I am.”

“How long have you been doing this?” He questioned, not wanting to press too far. 

“About a year.” You smiled at him softly. “And yes, it’s pretty shitty at times, but it’s better than a lot of things I could be doing.”

“Makes sense.” He nodded at you; clearly a bit uncomfortable with the conversation, but he wasn’t going to make you feel that way too. “So, what do we do for the rest of the night?”

“Whatever you want.” You shrugged, waiting for him to suggest something, but he was at a loss. “Room service and a movie?” You suggested, laughing as his face lit up with excitement.

-

An entire pizza, chicken alfredo, mozzarella sticks, and two ice cream sundaes later, you and Grayson were lying face down on the large bed. It was nearly 3AM and you had heard voices in the living area not too long ago; one of the other pairings had probably had the same idea of food. You were exhausted, but you had a major rule when with a client and that was that you would never let yourself fall asleep before them. 

Grayson’s eyes were hooded and red, he was obviously shot too. He let out a soft groan and buried his face deeper into the pillows before glancing over at you. “Do you want to get under the covers? I’m kinda cold.”

“Sure.” You nodded at him softly, taking a moment to relish in how good he looked half asleep. He had been so kind to you after accidentally cutting his time with you short. Although it wasn’t the most common occurrence with your clientele, they usually were pretty angry about it if it did happen. Grayson didn’t seem angry though, in fact he seemed a bit relieved that you all ended up eating pizza in bed instead of anything else. 

“Stop fighting it, you can go to sleep, Y/N.” Grayson spoke softly to you, pulling the clean white sheets up over both of you. His large body was a few inches away from you, him not wanting to make you uncomfortable since he still had his shirt off. 

“I will, I will.” You assured him, sinking deeper into the pillow and shutting your eyes softly as Grayson reached up to turn the lights off. It didn’t take too long until you heard soft puffs of air leaving his mouth letting you know he was finally asleep. You finally let the massive guard you had up down a bit and turned away from him, buried your head in the pillow and went to sleep.

Home is Where (a ghost nest #1)

 november 7th, 4:47 am pst.

 in all sincerity;

 this interview was birthed from the innate fear of death. for what it is to ‘be a ghost’, beyond having the ability to slam doors after your passing, isn’t truly defined. a trait consistent throughout the many interpretations of angels, spirits, paranormal and such is the presence felt being an essence lost in time. ‘who’ a person is stops at their death. all human aspects stripped, ghosts work as an echo of a fading past; something more akin to a message in a bottle than an entity still living.

 so, in our lives, do we strive to create essences that continue to build after our deaths? or do we attempt to capture our essences well enough at the moment to make our ghosts stronger? the latter has been adopted for ‘a ghost nest’. i hope, for everybody’s sake, that it isn't explained again. context felt necessary to clear up why these interviews are in a hybrid, ‘Dear Sally’-esque format. what this should be considered, at most, is an exercise in essence on a minuscule scale.

 and on november 7th, at approximately 5:10 am pst, brandon macdonald expressed a similar sentiment. ‘tantrum provider’ for Palm Coast-based emo band Home is Where, they noted the name’s function as a subliminal advertisement; so that whenever the proverb it takes from is used, listeners at any moment in time will harken back to sound bleeding with vibrancy. ‘the scientific classification of stingrays’ (topical cover art) carries an urgency somehow familiar, symptomatic of the band stretching their foundations into their own monument. for ninety minutes, unknowingly breaths away from a new president-elect, we had a conversation.

 this is Home is Where’s ghost nest.

  So, how long is too long for us not to have a presidential assassination?

  Brandon: Um, that’s a good question. I was on a local podcast recently and, funny enough, I didn’t know going into it that they’re sponsored by a financial magazine?  I lost my shit finding that out. I was laughing my ass off. I was like, “your financial magazine, right now, is supporting an artist who is a dedicated Marxist. A communist who sees these people on the street and knows that I represent exactly what they’re against”. The song isn’t meant to be about an actual assassination or about Orange Man himself. I wanted it to be a comment on the structure itself, you know, how long living within it does it take before everything builds up and we eventually bite the hand that feeds us?

  Protest music that names specific presidents does not age well. Look at 80s punk, besides Dead Kennedys, mentioning Reagan. You know, what was the name of that compilation against Bush? The intention was to write a protest song that lasts longer than a presidency. Also, it was easier from a lyric-writing perspective, although there are plenty of words that rhyme with Trump. I don’t know about McConnell [laughs]. 

    Videos of ‘stingrays’ live date back to January. Was all the material off the next record written pre-quarantine?

    All of it. We were sitting on this material for a while, and we went into the studio in early April. We wanted to pump something out before, you know, the end of the world happened. So we got those done, it was mastered around May, and now we are waiting for a few more parts to be sent in. That’s no worries, it’s been a difficult time for all of us. The original plan wasn’t even to drop a single for ‘i became birds’. 2021 was coming up and we hadn’t released anything this year, so ‘stingrays’ felt like the most direct and obvious choice.

   In the world, how do you see both your personal presence & Home is Where’s presence?

   You know, I don’t leave the house much. If I do, I wear a mask. I go to work. I spend time with my cat. I hang out with my girlfriend when I can, as we’re pretty much on opposite schedules. The band hasn’t been up to much. We haven’t met since May and we’ve all faced changes in our individual lives, but at some point, when or if the chaos comes to an end, we’ll be playing together again.    In terms of Home is Where? We’re an emo band from Florida. There’s plenty of those. This might be a pretty trash take, but a lot of the bands in the scene comment on liberalism, and you can only gain so much by listening to it. You should spend your time reading theory, doing something actually important, so you’d be able to make a change in the world. So, in the grand scheme of things, Home is Where is not important. However, it is something I love and am fortunate enough to do. 

  Dear Brandon, of Home is Where.   I’m having trouble finding my own space when stuck home with my family. What should I do?

  Charley, in Pennsylvania.

------------------------------------------------

  Brandon: Is this referring to COVID?

  I’m pretty sure it is.

. Okay, I think I have an answer for this.

  In terms of finding your own space, just find something you’re passionate about and, fucking, dive headfirst into it. A few years back, around the time we started to get serious with the band, I was in a position where I didn’t have a job but I had enough saved up so that it was a few months until I had to worry about rent. With all the time I had, I wanted to buckle down and get really into something I wanted to learn everything about emo. You know, I knew Rites of Spring were the ones who started the genre and some of the stuff about the 90s, but I wanted to know all of it. There were 2000 emo albums that I downloaded and I listened through all of them. Everyone inspired me. Not all of them were good, no. Some were bad, but by listening to them, I knew exactly what I didn’t want to do. It helped clarify what I wanted Home is Where to sound like.

  Find something you’re passionate about. You know, reading theory, making art, do something that makes at home in your home. You can do so many great things.

  Do you have any song recommendations for this situation?

  I have two! The first is, well, you can never go wrong with Cap’n Jazz. Pioneers, truly some of the greats. Tim Kinsella is a genius; I do my best to take what I can from him. It’s him and Bob Dylan. The song is We Are Scientists! (by Cap’n Jazz). I believe some of the lyrics do touch upon that feeling of being stuck around other people. Like, “starchy product scripted people I never asked to care about”? “you can’t look at the sky without looking right through it”? Those lines are, mwah, chef’s kiss!

  The second is H.S. by Plunger. Let me pull up the lyrics to this. It’s another one that comments directly on feeling isolated from those around you. Here it is; “All these old faces/Smiling and laughing/But you’ll never leave fourteen”. Yeah, that seems to sum up the emotion this person expressed.

  Dear Brandon, of Home is Where.   Things recently ended with a person I had been seeing. I hurt them, didn’t communicate my feelings properly, and I feel like garbage for it. I leave the continent for 5 months in a few weeks, and I want to reach out before I leave, but also I want to give her space? Should I wait and see if she reaches out? I’m a dumb stupid idiot.   Dumb stupid idiot, in Maine.

------------------------------------------------

  ‘Dumb stupid idiot’ [laughs]. That truly is an emo question. I am sorry to hear that you’re going through that. That sucks, man. Heartbreak sucks. I wish you the best in leaving the country during COVID times, seeing as that might be difficult, and hopefully, it opens your eyes to new things.

 My one piece of advice is to give it time. I know a few years seems like a lot of time, but it really isn’t. There are moments where I, too, indulge in being derogatory towards myself. Home is Where has lyrics about feeling alienated, being hard on yourself. A few years ago, I moved back to the town I grew up in, and even though it was considered ‘home’, I didn’t feel that. It was tough. Eventually, over time, everything came together. You just gotta wait and look back when you’re in a better headspace,

  You’re going overseas, you have so many new experiences ahead of you. Who knows, maybe you two will end up working out, we’ll see. You got this. I’m rooting for ya.

   Do you have any song recommendations?

    I came up with three, actually. One isn’t emo or anything close to adjacent, so I added another to compensate.

   I Love You Too by Rainer Maria is the first one. It’s hard to find emo that deals straight up with a break-up, there isn’t much out there, but Rainer Maria stuck out. This song is killer. That entire EP is killer. One of the best emo bands ever.

   Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan is my second recommendation. Which is not emo, but in terms of break-up songs, it doesn’t get much better than this. Blood on the Tracks is fucking brutal; Dylan puts blame on pretty much everything.

  The other emo song is from, I want to say, around 2000 or 2001? Near the end of that 90s, ‘second wave’ emo, whatever it is considered. The song is For Meg by On the Might of Princes. It’s about Meg Griffin from Family Guy. No, it’s not. Actually, I am not sure, but this track has just about everything; it’s lo-fi, has some screams, and the lyrics seem to discuss a heartbreak;

 ”This is for you. to hold you close, to keep you Close to my heart. I'll scream it til your ears bleed You'll always have a friend in me”

 Great, great emo that gets heavy. They’re the only emo band that Brave Little Abacus cited as an influence on their sound. You should definitely check them out.

 Home is Where’s visual ghost nest (collages & mixtape visualizer) consists of: Modern Times//Halloween: Resurrection (”Busta Rhymes beating the shit out of Michael Myers is a 10/10 for me”)//Blood Diner//Simpsons: Hit & Run//City Lights//Woody Guthrie: Hard Travelin’//The Horror of Party Beach//Peanuts//Zippy the Pinhead//Fritz the Cat//The Enfield Haunting//Twin Peaks//Wayne’s World 2//Synecdoche, New York//Japanese Woodblock Prints

  Home is Where can be found on twitter, facebook, and bandcamp. ‘i became birds’ out 2021 on Knifepunch Records. 

 their ghost nest is on spotify. questions for future ‘episodes’ can be asked under the advice tab.

  this now exists. bless to brandon, Home is Where, and you all.

Cats and Dots || Dot & Luce

LOCATION: Ink Inc.

TIME:  Before Bea’s Death

@divineluce

Clicking on her “Bad Ass Bitches” playlist on Spotify, Luce set to work on fixing the absolute shitshow that was Dot’s tattoo. Not only was the placement bad, it looked like a drunk toddler had decided to go to town with a machine. Which is why she was more than happy to be working on it. Nothing was more interesting than fixing a bad tattoo and turning it into something worth showing off. “How the fuck did you wind up with this hot mess? And, you can’t fucking smack me for saying that because I’ll make it worse.” She grinned as she dipped the needles into ink and set to work, bobbing her head along to the beat of the pounding bassline. “Like, love is love, but christ.” She gestured to the god awful rainbow plastered on her hip. “The lines on this are hot garbage.”

The rainbow tattoo had been something Dot got in a frat house in her junior year of college. Her friend had ordered a tattoo gun off the internet and the ink had been sourced from somewhere she had no desire to examine. She didn’t regret the tattoo, it was a funny fucking story and she liked being a dumbass with a rainbow tattoo... But if she was going to make sure everyone going down on her knew she was pretty fucking gay, she wanted it to a nice rainbow. “I got it done by a coked-out frat named Braydon.” She had almost considered eating him afterward, but her colony would have been pissed. She wished she had done it. “I probably could have done it better myself, but it was kinda fun watching him struggle. Hope you know how to make it look less like an idiot did it. I don’t need people to focus on the rainbow when my snatch is out.”

Stories like this weren’t super surprising, especially not when it came to shit tattoos. Luce nodded as she filled in the stencil, a black cat whose body covered the majority of the rainbow. What bits it didn’t, she was planning on incorporating into a rainbow collar around its neck. And besides, even without the collar, it was still gonna be pretty gay. “You know, that doesn’t fucking surprise me in the slightest. Braydon,” She wiped away the excess ink, “Had awful goddamn hands. And, trust me. This is gonna be dope.” Luce grinned, “Definitely a pussy out kind of look.” She laughed. Given the fact she usually tattooed straight, toxic masculinity dudes all the time, it was a goddamn delight to be tattooing someone who wasn’t. And, Dot was cool enough. She was dating Blanche, which honestly sounded like a match made in chaotic heaven.

Listen, Dot didn’t love cats, but she would get one tattooed on her for a pussy joke. Most of her tattoos were jokes anyway. She knew plenty of people thought tattoos had to have meaning but she thought they just had to have a fun story and be cool to look at. “Oh trust me, I know Braydon’s hands were terrible. He’s one of those boys who think the clit is a suggestion instead of required.” She had slept with him a few days later simply because she had been bored out of her mind. “Can’t wait for the summer when I can show it off when I’m at the beach,” She cackled imagining the horrified faces of suburban mothers as they covered their kiddie’s eyes. She liked Luce and if she wasn’t with Blanche, she would have considered trying to smash, but for once Dot didn’t have the desire to cheat. “You got anything fucking weird tattooed on you?”

Letting out a low whistle, Luce shook her head. “Sounds about right. Boys are the fucking worst.” She said, remembering her ill-fated attempts at dating boys in high school. For the most part, they’d been boring and dumb and not terrible to hang out with. But, Jared, he was a fucking time. “Sounds like the dude I slept with back in the day. But, I gotta say, hats off to Jared. He did in fact, turn me gay.” She joked. That had been a hilarious thing for him to realize, when they ran into each other at a house party the year after they graduated. Specifically, when he found her fucking a girl on the side of his house. “Oh, it’ll be a look. And a damn good one at that.” She said as she finished up the tail of the cat. At Dot’s question, Luce laughed and nodded. “Of course I do. This is a good one,” She said and backed up to show Dot one of the tattoos on her ankle. At first glance, it was a normal anchor tattoo with a scroll script around it, the cliche every college girl got. But, the scroll read ‘Fuck your Anchor.’ “A tribute to all the stupid anchor tattoos I have to do.”

“Men are good for two things, paying us and looking pretty,” Dot said with a grin. There was a third, very important thing they were also good for, but she doubted that Luce shared her passion for sinking her fingers in the chests of frat boys and eating their hearts. “Speaking for the community, I thank Jared for his contribution. We’re glad to have such a hot gay with us.” Was she flirting? Yeah, but Dot didn’t think it was terrible to do so. It was a joke after all. She craned her neck a bit to see the progress and grinned, honestly, it looked fucking sick already. She couldn’t wait to show Blanche… And literally anyone else who was willing to look at it. She let out a cackle as she took in Luce’s tattoo. “Wow, what an icon. I hope you make sure everyone sees it when they ask for an anchor tattoo. You get a lot of those stupid mom heart ones?”

“You can say that again.” Luce laughed, thinking back to the random venmo that she’d gotten from Adam. As much of a big dumb frat boy he seemed, the dude was half-way decent. When he wasn’t talking about his crotch goblins or giving her stupid nicknames. That said, Dickcleaver Vural had a nice ring to it. “You’ve got that right. I am, in fact, a gift to the ladies and they-dies of White Crest.” Luce chuckled to herself as she filled in the body of the cat. Was she aware of the tone behind Dot’s words? Yeah, which is why she dug in just a little deeper with her needle. Not enough to blow out the ink, but just enough to remind Dot that she was, in fact, tattooing her. Besides, Luce was a lot of things, but she wasn’t the other woman type. “You know it. Oh, I’d be fucked if I did. Ulf would have my head on a spike if I went flashing that around.” She remarked as she looked at her handiwork. “Nah, most dudes have figured out those are out of style.”

Adam’s venmo had sent Dot into a cackling session that lasted for several minutes. She hadn’t expected anyone to actually send her money, but when she got the notification on her phone, Adam had gained a few brownie points. She gave Luce a mock salute,“Thank you for your service. You should be given a medal of honor.” Her eyes narrowed as the needle dug in deeper, sending a glare Luce’s way. She was pretty sure the tattoo artist was too practiced at this point to change pressure like that. Guess flirting, even jokingly, wasn’t allowed with Luce. “If Ulf doesn’t see it happen, what’s the harm? Some people wouldn’t even read it, I bet.” Even if they did read it, Dot was pretty sure some people would just get it anyway. She laughed,“That’s tragic. I love when I see them, it’s just so funny. Teasing guys about it is so fun.”

“Every lesbian who ever slept with a man should, honestly. Gold star lesbians, my ass. Give me a gold star for having to suffer through forty seconds of super sexy thrusting.” Luce grumbled as she wiped away the last of the excess black ink. Popping over the rainbow array of ink, she dipped her needles in to color after color, filling in the rainbow pattern on the cat’s collar. “The harm is when all the piss babies storm out or write bad Yelp reviews. I’m in customer service,” She pasted a fake smile on her face before rolling her eyes, “I gotta service the customer.” Arching an eyebrow at Dot’s words, Luce couldn’t resist the urge to snicker. “Well, I can tell you this, you can and should make fun of anyone who’s got a terrible tribal. God, 90’s and 2000’s tattooing was the worst.”

“Wow, he lasted a full forty seconds? You had a marathon runner. Most boys out there are one thrust wonders.” Dot loved moments like this where she just got to make fun of men as brutally as she wanted. So many people got uncomfortable when she talked about boys and her sexual experiences with them. “I’ll write you a five star Yelp after this. I’ll even include that I reccomend the lesbian artist.” It wouldn’t be the first time she wrote a long review just to praise a friend. She was great at acting like a Karen and if she used her real name, everyone thought she was seventy anyway. “I should make them tip me extra for making me witness their bad tattoos. At least my bad tattoos are covered up or I’m getting them fixed.”

“I was truly #blessed.” Luce said in a mocking voice, as she shut off her machine. “What got me was the fact he had the balls to ask, ‘was it good for you’? That was when I straight up told him I was pretty sure I preferred girls. Whoops.” She said as she wiped off the last of the ink and gestured for Dot to take a look at the tattoo in the mirror she had on the wall. “You better mention me, otherwise people will come in thinking it was Rory who did this sick pussy tat. God knows how the girls would react to that.” She snorted, amused at the other artist’s struggles with the fairer sex. “Honestly, they really should. And hey, you’re getting there.” She said as she tossed her gloves in the trash and began to clean up her station. “When are we gonna fix that jank ass dolphin tattoo of yours, huh?”

“‘Was it good for you?’ Well, bud, if I’m getting up to leave then I’m pretty sure it wasn’t good for me. Boys are fucking stupid,” Dot laughed. This is part of the reason she ate human boys, they were just so annoying. She stood, looking into the mirror with an almost feral grin. “This is fucking awesome.” Turning back to Luce she let out another half laugh,“Yeah I’ll make sure I tell them it was you. Try not to hit on all the hot ones I send your way.” Dot took out her phone to take a photo to send Blanche and a few of her old college buddies. Snorting, she shook her head,“The dolphin is staying as messed up as it is. It’s a Dot classic at this point.”

“Right? You’d think me grabbing my shorts and booking it out the door would have been a dead give away.” Luce said with a laugh as she grabbed the aftercare instructions pamphlet and stuffed it into a baggy with a little Ink Inc. sticker, some candy, and a few packets of Aquaphor. “I’m glad you like it.” She said as she held out the grab bag. “And, no promises on that.” Luce winked and shook her head as they walked out to the register. Setting the station up for her, Luce shook her head with a disappointed snap of her fingers. “Damn, and here I thought I might have a chance at getting you to rethink that. But, hey. You win some, you lose some.” As she leaned against the front desk, Luce glanced up at the clock. Dot was a dope lady, if chaotic. And, coming from her? That meant she was pretty much chaos incarnate. But, she was good company for a drink. “You wanna grab a drink? Celebrate your new art?”

Okay, but here’s another unappreciated thing about Madelyne Pryor, so unappreciated that I’ve never even seen any fellow Maddy fan talk about it--- Her walking out on Sebastian Shaw, despite him treating her well, because he was going to do things that were potentially going to hurt other people. So, after Maddy got resurrected in the 90s by Nate, she was in this very liminal space between hero and villain, often oscillating back and forth between them. She was also amnesiac for awhile too, and it was during this vulnerable state that Selene, the Black Queen of the Hellfire Club, recruited her as her new Black Rook, and Trevor Fitzroy as her new White Rook. She brought them to the Hellfire Club and it’s pretty plain that she intended to use them against Shaw, but Madelyne and Shaw hit it off immediately. And here’s the crazy thing--Sebastian instantly recognized her as NOT Jean. And Shaw has a little past with Jean (or the Phoenix Force masquerading as her, more precisely) to say the least, given the DARK PHOENIX SAGA. But he looks right at Maddy and calls her an “unknown being”. And when Tessa/Sage telepathically relays to him who she is---since according to her, every telepath felt the Gobyln Queen’s passing---Sebastian makes reference to Inferno, something MADDY did. Under demonic influence, yes, when not herself, yes, but still something that was her accomplishment. He never ever refers to Jean at all in relation to her, at ANY point. Now, how the FUCK Sebastian knew it wasn’t Jean he was looking at, that’s never explained, but looking at Maddy as a wholly separate entity does make sense for Sebastian’s strong individualist philosophies. Most people don’t know Sebastian Shaw well besides “evil rich guy” (or, more recently, Emma’s evil ex) but he does indeed have a very individualist outlook. He says things like “the common herd means nothing, the individual is all”, he never identifies as a mutant unless it’s convenient for him (ex: Krakoa) and in fact will turn on other mutants and participate in their oppression if it profits him (building Sentinels) and was ready to die rather than have Sinister take over his body (”I’m an egoist. I’d rather die as myself than live as someone else.”) So it does make sense that he of all people would actually see Maddy as her own being, regardless of her origins, and thus only pay attention to her accomplishments (especially since he’s a guy who is all about power) and not who she looks like. Now, Maddy is still amnesiac at this point, but I think the fact he did recognize her as her own being probably charmed her subconsciously, and I think she also probably was subconsciously NOT kind to the idea of being manipulated once again like Selene was trying to do with her, because she starts liking Sebastian a lot more than Selene. But after Tessa probes her mind, it brings back her memories, so she zooms back to Nate. She finds him with Jean, and learns that he only brought her back to life because his mind was subconsciously seeking Jean, and grabbed poor Maddy’s ghost from the astral plane instead. Upon learning this, NATE TRIES TO KILL HER. Maddy, understandably, books it back to the Hellfire Club. She then comes into Shaw’s room, wakes him up, strips, and tells him no talking til morning. Maddy initiates their relationship entirely, and it’s a pattern that persists throughout it---from what we see, Sebastian pretty much does what she wants. He puts her up in a nice place in Hong Kong where she’ll be safe from the anti-mutant shit currently going down, he throws a party at her request that’s just about announcing they’re an official couple (holy shit, ROMANTIC COMMITMENT from SEBASTIAN SHAW?!), and, bizarrely, he never tries to use or manipulate her or even asks at all her with her help in any scheme, despite her great power. Now, Sebastian Shaw is a bona fide bastard, like he has no redeeming factors and I say that as a big fan of his (it’s one of the reasons I like him, I love total trash). But he actually was good to Maddy. He wasn’t yet the “abusive boyfriend” type bastard at this point in canon; his background with Emma was not added til the 2010s, and this was the 90s, so while he was established as an abusive father to Shinobi, there actually wasn’t any evidence to suggest he’d be an abusive partner, as those are two different dynamics, and he was shown to be deeply in love with his fiancee Lourdes before her death (though he was quoted as not being in love with Maddy) So his being a good boyfriend to Maddy despite being an awful person in general actually tracks fairly well for his characterization at this point in canon. But still, I am sure that if Maddy had stayed with him, he would have used her in some way, or done something awful, he’s just...he’s Sebastian Shaw. But for the time she was with him, he never did anything bad at all, certainly not to her. And whether Maddy loved him or not (which I don’t think she did, I think he was just all she had to turn to at the time) he was the first, and thus far, still the ONLY man that she was with that WASN’T of the Summers bloodline, and thus he’s the only man who was truly her own CHOICE to be with, rather than influenced by Sinister’s programming like with Scott, Alex, and Nate. So, what happened? Madelyne found out that Sebastian was waking up the Harbinger, a servant of Apocalypse, as part of yet another scheme of power and wealth for himself (YOU’RE A MULTIBILLIONAIRE ALREADY, SHAW, STOP) And while this wouldn’t affect her at all, nor likely anyone she knew or cared about, it was likely to result in the deaths of many other people. And she said fuck that, and she abandoned Shaw, and she reconnected with Cable, her son, with whom there was more than a little bad blood, in order to urge him to stop this thing. So, let’s break this down. Madelyne has been rejected by everyone else for what she ISN’T, but now she has a man who sees her for what she is, and he wants to be with her. And not, apparently, for her power, nor for who she looks like (Shaw NEVER had any interest in Jean besides for the Phoenix) but for HER. He’s not in love with her, but he does seem to have affection for her (ex: putting a blanket over her shoulders on the yacht in case she’s cold in her little black costume) which is more than he gives anyone else, and what’s more, she OWNS his dick and he gives her anything she wants. She could easily live the rest of her life in comfort and safety, and never deal with the X-Men or her past again, and be comfortable with the fact that for once SHE had complete agency in choosing the person she was with. But it’s over the moment he’s going to hurt people. It doesn’t matter if they’re far away, if it’s simply a by-product rather than something he’s doing directly, it doesn’t matter that they’re nameless faces she’ll never know, it doesn’t matter if she never has to see it or deal with it, MADDY WON’T STAND FOR IT. Madelyne Pryor, the REAL Madelyne Pryor, cares for people, and not just the people in her life, not just the people she’s CLOSE to, no, Madelyne Pryor cares for the WORLD, she understands EVERY life has value, not just the ones she knows and likes. This is the REAL Maddy, this is the Maddy I remember who sacrificed her LIFE alongside the X-Men to stop The Adversary even though she hadn’t found her son yet, because she knew that the countless lives of others was worth even more than that. And damn well she knows it’s worth more than her getting some good dick and nice things, and more even being seen as herself (which is all she’s ever really wanted) And I just...*clenches fist* I love it so much. I love HER so much. It actually makes me LIKE the Shaw/Maddy ship not just because I am glad she got a good thing for awhile, but also because it DIDN’T last, because she made this CHOICE to leave when she had everything, not for herself but for other people, and showed that she is still a HERO and I LOVE HER... ...and then ofc the 2000s since have shit all over that with bringing her back as a dominatrix crazy ex but I’M NOT EVER FORGETTING IT!!

The Room is a Strange Place

Everybody has a back pocket story or two. You know the kind? The tales you pull out of your ass when trying to impress, or just entertain. I’ve divulged a couple of those cherished stories (on this very blog) over the years. I implore you to scroll a bit if you want to read about a physical altercation with a “pimp” on the Las Vegas strip or night spent with a close friend, two upset stomachs, a backed-up hotel tonight, and the culmination leading to several homeless people watching me shit in a public restroom. This story isn’t as grandiose, so I don’t want to over-hype it, but it does make me laugh every time I think about/ tell it and, I don’t know about you, I could use some laughter. Shall we proceed?

My brother and I have an unhealthy obsession with awful films. I’m not sure how it started, but we’ve always found a great deal of humor in horrible flicks. For as long as I can remember, he and I have gathered around a television set for hours watching countless “how on earth did someone create this?” movies. Our love of rancid cinema has extended to our close friends in the form of “So Bad, It’s Good” movie nights. We lure our loved ones in with the promise of as much booze, candy, and popcorn they can handle, and subject them to this perverse passion for terrible acting, cinematography, writing, lighting, set design, etc. We’re constantly in search of the next pile of trash to give an excuse to transform our living room into a shitty version of Mystery Science Theater 3000. There are some who long for the next Avengers and, while I will watch that, these bad movies speak more to my sensibilities. 

In the mid-2000′s there were rumblings that a new champion had taken the crown for worst flick ever made. The internet was ablaze with this laughably bad, nonsensical movie that was only showing in Los Angeles. The movie was titled “The Room” and it was written, produced, and starring a man I’d never heard of before, Tommy Wiseau. Not one to torrent, I spent the next few evenings learning everything I could about this film. Each review, both those that were in on this being a god-awful blunder, and those that, seemingly, weren’t hip to the fact that this was largely considered the Citizen Kane of abhorrent films, made me salivate at the chance of getting my hands on this piece of substandard pop culture. While the reviews were enough for me to know this was a “must-see” it was the interviews with the man behind it all himself, Tommy Wiseau, that drove my desire to see this film. His cadence, accent, mannerisms, look, laughter.. everything about the man just leapt out as a truly original cat. I became just as intrigued about the man behind the film, as I did about the motion picture, itself. 

Some time passes and I find myself at San Diego Comic Con, as I had many times before. For those of you uninitiated, think of San Diego Comic Con as the biggest nerd/ pop-culture orgy ever created. 120k+ plus descend upon Southern California to share their unadulterated love of movies, television, toys, and yes, comics. I went with someone who was newly christened my ex-girlfriend, thinking we could just work through things, as we’d each spent a great deal of money on the trip prior to the break up. This was a mistake. We were at each other’s throats more than a vampire at a hydra gathering. That is to say, any second away from her was more than welcomed. When she informed me that she wanted to take a nap, I used this time as a breath of fresh air (as fresh as can be in a sea of people who don’t treat personal hygiene as a top priority, that is). I hit the convention floor, in seek of an autograph of the creator of Invader Zim, Jhonen Vasquez. I’m weaving through the convention hall, when I see the man I’d become infatuated with... Tommy Wiseau. “Hey kid (I’m in my mid-late twenties at this point, mind you), you wanna buy a movie?” Without hesitation, I fired back “FUCK YEAH I DO!! How much?” This is when things got a little weird.. or Wiseau..

“For my biggest fan? Ten dollars.”, Mr. Wiseau said. “Biggest fan? He randomly stopped me, and I haven’t even seen this movie.”, I thought, but didn’t say a word, only reached for my wallet. I handed him a sweaty $10 bill, he goes to hand me the film, but reels back a second. “Do you want me to sign it?”, he asked. “Yes, please!!”, I fired back. Tommy pulled out a pin, started murmuring something, then signed my DVD. “Do you want GREH (he was saying “Greg”, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying through his accent) to sign it?” I didn’t know who “GREH” (I later found out this was Greg Sestero, another star of the film and inspiration for the movie) was, but sure, why not? As I awaited my newly autographed copy of my most anticipated movie of that year, Tommy chimed in again. “Would you like a soundtrack?”. “Um, how much?”, I cautiously treaded. “For my biggest fan? Are you kidding me? It free for you.” Genuinely creeped out, I said “Sure”. Tommy then turns and screams at a child no older than 7 to fetch me a soundtrack. The kid scurried off out of sight, leaving me with me with Tommy and “GREH”. A couple of minutes passed before the youngster returned, without soundtrack in hand. “WHERE IS THE SOUNDTRACK!?”, Tommy bellowed. “We’re all out.”, squeaked the kid. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS IN FRONT OF MY BIGGEST FAN!?!”, Wiseau roared, then turned and asked me, “I’m so sorry. Would you like a t-shirt?”. “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t want to be any trouble.”, I said in genuine fear. “No trouble at all. GO GET HIM A SHIRT!!”, he screamed at the minor. “It’s really no problem at all for my biggest fan”, Tommy reiterated as he put me in a vice-like headlock. So there I am, in a Wiseau-headlock, standing next to “Greh”, when I notice something. There is a line of dozens of people, all holding copies of The Room, waiting to get their movies signed. In front of them, is a woman holding a sign that states “The Room: Front of the line”. Being a Comic-Con veteran, I realized these people were there to meet this man I stumbled across, had spent several minutes with, and was now awaiting a free shirt while in a wrestling hold by the man they were trying to meet. The daggers that were cast from the looks of those waiting in line would have killed me, if Tommy’s anaconda-like grip on my neck didn’t first. When the child reemerged, he handed me a shirt. I thanked the child, Tommy, “Greh”, and said my goodbyes. “Thanks for being my biggest fan. HAHAHAHAHA!!” I could hear Wiseau wail across the throng of nerds. 

And there it is, my story of a strange encounter with a bizarre man who made one of Hollywood’s worst. I love The Room. I’m not entirely sure if I love it purely because of how bad it is, or have an affection for it due to the aforementioned meeting with the people who created it. Either way, it goes down as one of my favorite celebrity encounter moments and genuinely a film I watch more than those that make my “favorite film” list. It’s a movie I’ve subjected several friends victims to, and one that I can’t wait to put others through. That moment in time, and the flick itself, is a constant reminder, that even when life hands you lemons, you can always chuck them at somebody. 

Maria watches friday night lights (#9)

I really really loved 3x10! Like one of my favorite episodes so far, for sure. so here’s another post about just one episode, “The Giving Tree.”

@lockitin I saw your comment saying I’d like this episode like an hour after I watched! You were very right!

-Aw I love Julie and Tyra’s friendship. Julie trying to help Tyra strategize on how to catch up in school after her ill-advised trip with the cowboy — that’s what we love to see!

-this flirtatious girl (later, we learn, MADISON) insisting on pouring milk into a wine glass for JD is up there as one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen happen in a teen drama party scene

“Do you need silence to watch naked women? Is that what you’re saying to me?” The things that come out of Buddy Garrity’s mouth are truly wild.

-oh boy and then Buddy got into a getting-arrested level fight! Wish I could say I was surprised, but...

ANYWAY MATT AND JULIE DO IT NOW yet they’re still so fucking cute it’s wild

-I am truly HERE for Matt and Julie post coital and naked, just laying in his bed after school saying “I love you” while listening to the radio and HOLDING HANDS?? This is so beautiful.

-so of course, here comes Coach Taylor to walk in on them. Honestly this scenario kind of like NEEDED to happen? Inevitably? I mean, “quarterback sleeping with the coach’s daughter,” as Riggins said. (And now it’s finally actually true.) The comedy of Eric just walking right back out the house, stone-faced. Oh I am living.

-Hahahaha Landry’s bandmates exchanging looks while Tyra comes to ask Landry for help with the SATs. This show does such a good job of actually conveying teens being teens in little moments like this.

-oh yes to the Lyla/Julie tooth brushing scene where she confides what happened with her dad walking in on her and Matt!! then transitioning right into Tami brushing her teeth while Eric sits on the side of the bed, pained and disturbed by his teenage daughter’s burgeoning sexuality. Cinematic.

-what I love about this episode is how well crafted the plot is — Eric only catchs Matt and Julie because he had to pick Julie up so Tami could tell Lyla about Buddy’s night in jail. and Eric clearly showed up earlier than Tami would have. After all, they thought they had time for one more song. It’s just...such good writing. Ugh! Yes.

-I love how this development actually left Tami speechless too, when usually she’d be running into Julie’s room with exactly the right words to say

-I really do love how this plot lines up so that Lyla is in the Taylor house to comfort Julie.

“Your punishment is you have to have a conversation with me about it.” Fair, Tami, fair. Bc there should not be a punishment at all for a teenage girl having consensual sex with a boy she loves!

-Did Buddy really just plead not guilty??? Sir you did all of the things they just charged you with!!!!

-Tyra’s mom immediately wanting Landry to change the pilot light when she sees him in the house helping Tyra is....too real. Also reminds me of Lorelai joking about how she liked how Dean would change the water bottle in Gilmore girls

-fuck you buddy!!!! Why would you gamble your daughters college money??? Related: I love how betty cooper had a similar plotline to Lyla garrity here but in the Riverdale version her mom gave the $$ to a cult

“Please tell me the lesson we’ve learned.” “Always lock the door.” “...when having sex with the coach’s daughter.” HAHAHAHA omg this show is so good, having Eric glance at Saracen in the locker room to see his eyes downcast. That’s that shit we like.

-I’m proud of Landry in this episode standing up for himself bc Tyra was totallyyy taking advantage of him. Like she expects him to ditch his bandmates bc she wants to take a break and lengthen their study session which he’s doing as a favor to her??

-oh yes and the Giving Tree metaphor! Amazing. Art.

“That’s exactly what I feel like, just a stump.” Damn. I felt that.

“What about birth control?” “I don’t want to talk about that!” “Hon, that IS the conversation.” Damn right it is! Tami is a good mom.

“Chasin skirts,” Mr. McCoy? You’re gross. Ew and now he’s literally trying to control his son’s love life. Disgusting.

-Julie’s long pause after Tyra asks if Landry is right about how she’s the little boy in the Giving Tree. I cackled.

MATT SARACEN IS TERRIFIED IM DEAD

-I CACKLED at the fear in his eyes when Tami suggest he wait in the back with Coach Taylor

-Lol at coach aggressively cleaning his grill while lecturing Saracen, who is literally one of the most mild mannered and sweet boys you could ever want your daughter to lose her virginity to tbh. Especially if it’s gonna be a football player.

-ugh Lyla I’m sorry your dad is so trash. Riggins is sweet and hot though. “What do you want me to do?” he says when Buddy bangs at the door. He respects her wishes. We stan.

“I was the idiot who stuck with you! Don’t call me spoiled. We’ve been saving that money since I was a baby. You said if I made the grades, it was mine.” GO OFF LYLA this is cathartic to watch. Also LOL I have mad student loans now bc my dad the cheater similarly lied about our financial situation for most of my life so that hit HARD for me. 😭😬🥺 I sent Lyla’s rant to my mom and she said lol did you write those words

-omg Tim at the door being like “you need to go” to Buddy?!?! Oops I’m aroused.

-oh god poor JD is actually listening to his dad and breaking things off with Madison?? Fuck man. That is so not cool. But wait there’s more! Riggins called him on it right away, we love him. “How do you expect all these boys to battle for you if you can’t make a decision like that on your own?” YES Riggins! Now that’s some good team captain mentoring shit! With the ear buds in one ear. Ugh yes.

-I’m surprised we haven’t gotten angry Coach Taylor chasing a ref sooner. “HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT”

-I love how Coach Taylor said “we’re gonna not lose our temper out there” about the refs to the players earlier in the week then ended up getting ejected from the game himself. Classic.

-omg and he’s calling the other coaches on the field on a flip phone, that’s. Mmhmm. Yep. Early 2000s gold.

-but oop now Wade Aikmen is gonna be getting all the attention. Oh boy. This show keeps ya on your toes!!

-JD’s mom wants her 15 year old son to date wayyyy too much and JD’s dad wants to control his love life wayyyy too much. Maybe they should both just chill???

-omg Katie McCoy totally would’ve kept JD’s date with Madison a secret if the dad hasn’t seen it. This is a *sings* deeply unhealthy family dynamic~

-Saracen is so cute being nervous that Landry’s gonna bomb. Friendshipppp

-okay Landry’s band got a decent turnout! Anyway I hope a girl throws her bra at Devin.

-wait really? Landry in a metal band now suddenly has Tyra feeling him? Again I DO NOT UNDERSTAND TYRA AND LANDRY.

-wow Buddy said Lyla was right AND apologized? I’m actually surprised. Can he call MY dad and teach him how to apologize? Kthxbye.

Yeah seriously I think that was my favorite episode so far!

The Mosley Review: Worst Films of 2019

Well 2019 has delivered some of the most disappointing, ugly and just downright disgraceful films I've ever seen. With 2020 on the rise, I can marvel at the fact that I wasn't the only one of the cats that fought his way through hell to get through this year. On an international scale, I believe a phoenix swept over the film industry and became the terminator of many franchises. Like you all, I survived this dark year in film and it is with great pleasure that I bring you the list of what films to avoid like a hungry lion looking for his next meal. So lets see who is the king of my list of the worst films of 2019. If you would like to see the full review, then click on the titles of each film. The first film on my list just hurts.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker: It is with a heavy heart that I had to put this film on my list. Star Wars has always been apart of my life and apart of my soul. At any given time, you can find me playing a Star Wars game, watching any of the movies or even revisiting The Clone Wars series. As much as I wanted to love this film, there is just no denying that this was just the worst film the franchise has ever seen. There are some truly amazing and fun sequences and a great lightsaber fight, but that all doesn't matter when your core story is too busy negating, betraying and apologizing for past films that tried to expand and do something new. All of the new and old philosophies were completely destroyed by conveniences of stuff just happening and lazy writing. As for a trilogy, it was a unplanned, unfocused and perfect example of how not to tell a story ark. It hurts my ever loving Star Wars soul, but this was the worst of the franchise and just a massive disappointment.

Terminator: Dark Fate: I love and hate this franchise. I love that they keep trying to make a good film without the creator James Cameron at the helm, but I hate that they are staying modern day. Now with the risk of erasing everything after T2: Judgement Day, there was a chance to do something right. Well after the opening scene, the door was flung right open for an interesting path and it ultimately failed. This film followed the same mistakes of being heavy on big action sequences and less on heart and character development where it was needed. It was great to see Linda Hamilton and Arnold Schwarzenegger back together again and they had an awesome villain to battle, but I just thought this film was just meh all the way through. This was the last chance for the franchise and they blew it.

Captain Marvel: Well not all of them can be winners. The Marvel Studios brand is one of the most trusted brands in the industry and they have earned it. Almost every entry in their series of films have ranged from classic to alright. This film on the other hand was just a waste of a potentially great origin story for one of their most iconic female characters. I honestly could not connect to the main character enough for me to care. She had no real weakness in the film and no vulnerability. Yeah sure she's only known the life of a soldier, but that doesn't mean she isn't human. The storytelling in the film was all over the place with some stupid decisions and there just wasn't enough substance. A character with a snarky attitude and no regard for anyone else doesn't make for a good hero or a origin you want to study more about.

The Lion King: Double dipping doesn't always work and this was the prime example of that. I love the original animated classic and I think it truly is my favorite animated Disney film. I didn't go into this film judging it against the original because that would just be dumb and unfair. It is undeniable that this film is a technical achievement, but that was about it. The voice acting was a serious mixed bag. The child actors for Simba and Nala, Timon and Pumba and Zazu were truly the highlights, but the adult versions of Simba and Nala were flat and purely directed. Shot for shot remakes are not a good idea and this was that. If you diverted a little more from the source material, then this would've been an interesting remake. Listen up Disney, don't do this again.

Dark Phoenix: Oh man. The X-Men film franchise has truly seen some better days. We can all agree that this film franchise really had no since of continuity or an idea of where it wanted to end. Well with a reboot mid stream, I knew eventually there would be another attempt at the Phoenix Saga. Once again they've missed the X on the spot. The fact that this was the last film in the franchise that started in 2000, is truly a relief. We've had some amazing films, but this was by the far the worst of them all. Goodbye X-Men. I'll always have Logan in my heart.

Cats: I mean. Is there really anything else I can say about this insanely bizarre film? I had seen the Broadway version of the show on DVD a few years back and I could't understand it. The film made it better, but I couldn't get over the horrific nature of the CGI cat fur on the acts. It ranged from weird to “What in heavens name did you do to Jennifer Hudson?”. I know it was Andrew Lloyd Webber’s vision and probably director Tom Hooper's dream picture, but this was just too strange to be adapted to film. Not even the star power behind the film could save it. If an example of why certain shows work best for the stage was needed, then look no further than this atrocity.

Hellboy: Why was this rebooted? Oh yeah that's right. The studio didn't want to complete Guillermo Del Toro's superior vision of what Hellboy 3 would've been. Let me be clear, I gave this film a chance to show me a new, darker and more violent version of the iconic badass. What I got was a violent, darker, noisy and whiny little bitch of a character. I love David Harbour, but he was really dealt a terrible hand and I think he knows that. There are some awesome visuals and a great fight scene with big trolls, but after the first 15 minutes the film just dissolves into a horrible mess of a film. I didn't care by the film's last 10 minutes as we retread the same themes of the first iteration of the character. Thank God there isn't gonna be a sequel to this trash.

And now we’ve arrived at the last film I hated. The crowning turd of 2019, is none other than...

Men In Black: International: Where do I even start with this abomination. I loved the original and third MIB film. It wasn't a great trilogy, but it was consistent. The character Agent J earned his place among the MIB and the chemistry between him and Agent K was a perfect example of how to do a buddy cop film in the sci fi comedy genre. This film ignored all of that and focused strictly on the comedy and just never took itself seriously. The main character Agent M, had an interesting beginning and 5 seconds after she finds the MIB, they give her everything. She didn't earn anything which made her immediately boring and unnecessary. Chris Hemsworth is a great actor and he has great comedic timing, but this was the most obnoxious and unlikeable character he's ever played. This film had no heart, no real stakes or even an idea of what the story wanted to be. Like I said in my review, this film franchise should've stayed dead after Men In Black 3.

That's all folks and thank the heavens. These were the worst films of 2019 and I say this every year, but I really hope I'm right. Let's hope 2020 has a shorter list of worst films.

melancholic love | 01

• pairing: min yoongi x reader ft other members

• genre: fluff, angst, GuardianAngel!AU

• words: 1,437

• summary: Being a guardian angel is hard, both four year olds and twenty one year olds are quite stupid. Being min yoongi’s angel? That’s easy. It’s as easy to fall in love with him as it is to take care of him. Now, you’re on the same plane to help him achieve his goals of debuting, that is if you can manage when all he wants to do is to kiss you.

a/n: hi, new series! please enjoy, it’ll be three parts and i hope to leave everyone satisfied (but waiting for more!) thank you and i’ll see you soon. also i’m still working on avarice so don’t worry! <3

     Wow, things are way different on the ground than from above, taking a left you wondered how humans could remember where to go for everything. When flying above someone, it’s so much easier to find reference points! Man...you could kill to be flying right now. Your leg muscles are definitely under developed.

     Looking at your notepad, you smile at the familiar name and address.

Min Yoongi.

Born on March 9th, 1993

In Buk-gu, Daegu.

     Your baby! Well, not exactly but you’ve been with him since birth! You were assigned to him and essentially grew up with him. You stayed in the same body of course, angels don’t age. But in all honesty, you loved this man. He was blossoming into a great guy.

     Especially with your help, he’s quite dense with ladies and their affection.

     Giggling to yourself, you noted that you were close to the building where he worked. Big Hit Ent. You were proud of him, he was writing his own lyrics and overall being successful. Pain grew in your chest when you reminded yourself that you were just here for a mission.

     You’re not his friend nor his girlfriend. He doesn’t even know you exist, though you’ve been there all along. Looking back at his file, you clenched your jaw.

Help Yoongi debut with his group BTS, then promptly leave for your next assignment.

     How could you just leave him? You loved him, you swore every night that the Gods were cruel for putting you two together. But you wouldn’t have asked for anyone different had you been given the choice.

     Now standing in front of the building, you put on a smile that’s been perfected over years of training. Let’s get Yoongi where he belongs, on that big stage!

June 11th, 2000.

Dalseong Park.

     Yoongi had been running around all day, the different sights of cute animals gave him more and more energy to see the next ones.

     You trailed behind him, enjoying the warm air and slight breeze on your skin. It was a nice day to have a fun outing, especially for the zoo. You supposed he shouldn’t have eaten all the cotton candy. And you definitely shouldn’t have pretended to be the air and moved it within view. Especially now that he was running around like a maniac. But it wouldn’t happen again! You swore. (You were lying, he was too cute).

     Running to the next exhibit, you were thankful you had sharp senses. The pebble was big enough to would make him fall!

     You sprinted and quickly leashed your arms around his waist so if he fell, it’d be particularly gentle on his body. Letting out a breath of relief, you waved away any pain he may have felt before helping him up. Of course, things had to seem natural so you couldn’t just pick him up, much to your chagrin.

     Looking up, Yoongi glanced around his surroundings before staring down at the offending object. It felt like someone or something was there, it really did! Like something protected him or at least helped him to not injure himself. But...there was nothing there.

     He couldn’t see you, you knew that already. But seeing him smile at the sky warmed your heart.

     Bowing in front of the soon to be group, BTS, you smiled and waved a little.

     They’re so cute.

“I’m Y/N! Please take care of me!”

     You couldn’t have been prettier. Yoongi stared at you. It felt...weird. Like he was looking at someone familiar but when trying to recall seeing you anywhere, he came up with blurs of nothingness. If you were truly a stranger, why did he feel like you were his best friend or even something more?

     Odd. Yoongi bowed as well.

     “I’m Min Yoongi, Bangtan’s rapper, songwriter, and record producer,” he spoke smoothly, no stutter in sight, “nice to meet you.”

“Oh! I assume I will be working with you a lot then. I’m here to help with songwriting and producing too! I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”

     “I hope so.”

     The rest of BTS gave each-other side glances and smirks before introducing themselves as well.

     “I’m V. But my real name is Taehyung, you can call me that if you like. Maybe if you’re real good you could be apart of the background vocals!”

     You laughed a little and covered your mouth. You? A singer? Well, maybe you were a little good at singing hymns during service. Ah right, stay focused Y/N!

“Well, if you’ll have me. I’d love to work on a song with you all! I’m excited to be working here.”

     Bang PD seemed pleased at the interactions. You’re an angel, so it was real easy to impress your new boss. He clapped his hands and you met some more staff members. It was small, the studio and everything. Hopefully your mission wouldn’t fail.

“Which would I like to work with first? Hmm, I have no doubt you both are great. But i’d like to work with Yoongi first if that’s okay with you, Namjoon.”

     “Yeah! Don’t worry about it, Yoongi will show you around I’m assuming?”

     He nodded and you walked over to his side, watching everyone dismiss themselves.

     It was a little awkward walking next to him. In the sky above, everyone kind of minds their own business. But with humans, you knew there should be just a little small talk.

     “Sorry but...have we met somewhere before? You feel familiar,” he rubbed his arm and smiled a tiny bit, a habit of his, “I feel like I would remember you if I had met you.”

     Yes.

“Ah, no. I think I would’ve recognized you as well. But I wouldn’t mind getting to know you, if that’s alright. We’ll uh...work better like that.”

     Since when had you become so bold? You bit your lip and fretted. Was that was the right thing to say or was that even appropriate to say in the workplace at all?!

     “I’d like that too. Er, this is my studio, it’s small but you can pull up a chair and I can show you what I have so far.”

     Smooth, he can recover quickly. You pulled a small barstool over before sitting in front of his monitor.

“Let’s see what you’ve got!”

     Yoongi smiled and discreetly looked over. You were nice and sweet with a touch of excitement. Had an angel just walked into his life?

     You’d only seen that look a few time but you could recognize it anywhere. Anyone you knew he liked a whole lot got that look. Good thing you payed attention all those years, now you know how to give the same look back.

December 20th, 2008.

The Min Household.

     Heartbreaks were cruel, Yoongi mused. They also hurt a shit ton. Yoongi could’ve figured that out. He lied in bed and wrote endlessly, some of the lyrics were ripped up and trashed while others were stored in the box where he put all the “good ones”. They were all good to be honest.

     He hadn’t even noticed he had been crying till the stains appeared on the paper.Sitting up and wiping his nose with his sleeve, he clenched his fists. He shouldn’t be crying. It obviously didn’t mean that much to her if she broke it off over text.

     Your heart ached as you sat on his bed and watched him. I’m sorry Yoongi. Heartbreak is just one of those things you can’t solve or fix, no matter how much you wanted to try. Scooting over, you watched him settle into the covers and pull them over his head.

     No one should be so sad, especially just days before Christmas.

     You rubbed your hand over his figure and listened to him cry and watched his body shake with sobs. The more you stroked his form, the more he subsided.

     It felt like warmth you would receive from your mother. But a touch lighter and oh so soothing. Yoongi sniffed and shifted but it remained there to comfort him. It felt so comfortable and right, he’d felt it many times before and this time he just let it happen. He needed it.

“Thank you.”

     The rattle of wind against his blinds seemed to get a bit harsher at the mention of those words. He had no idea how or what but he knew that whoever was there cared for him a whole lot.

     That same warmth was the one Yoongi currently felt in the studio as your knees touched just the slightest.

     That comforting, full of love, warmth.

Who is she?