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scoups4lyfe · 1 year

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Bipolar Essay Extra #4

A solid a$$ explanation of BD from Ian:

So, to add in some of my own experience here, I'll put in some of my journal entries, and then go a little in-depth:

[Friday, June 3rd 2022]

(20:54 — 8:54 PM)

Oh, great. The insanity is back.

Now, this type of insanity is hard to describe. Just…wired energy. Like anxious energy spazzing through me like I just took 9 shots of caffeine.”

(End of entry.)

My thoughts:

Okay--so I still vividly remember the energy. Ian said there's so much energy, so much ideas, and that it gets to a point where you start losing sanity, and that's the point I was at. I just had all this energy inside of me, my mind was going 200 miles a minute but with 3 different voices, my hands were trembling, and I couldn't do anything because the energy was too my mortal coil to handle 🤪.

...

[September 15th 2022 — Thursday, 2:24 AM. ]

Currently fvcking tripping right now. I don’t think my mood stabilizers are doing the thing that they should be doing. Like I am out of my mind right now. I feel inSANE. Not bad-insane yet, but I know I’m going to have trouble sleeping. I….want to write and draw and watch Donbrothers but all this energy doesn’t want to do any of this. Like for some reason I want to go out running and screaming maybe, like I could jog five miles— but? This energy does not want to write or draw or watch sh*t or liveblog. It’s frustrating, but I can’t even be frustrated? Because my mood is just elevated lol. I feel fvcking crazy right now.

The Moodswings movie (part 1) for this album [DPR Ian’s] is…something I greatly relate to. I see myself in that video. That’s me. Dude, it’s like looking through a mirror. Damn, it just reminded me of how shaky I was like a month ago when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and I felt like I was spiraling out of control at work. Dude that sh*t was hard. Right now I feel good, but I know this high isn’t….normal lol. These last few days have been somewhat like this, but this is the most energized and elated I feel. To the point that I can’t even get upset. Like, yoINks.

[End of entry]

Bro I hit that euphoric mania and got lost in the sauce And --warning ahead, the next entry I'm putting under this one was when I was deep into that euphoric mania. You can tell too cause my thoughts are all over the place.

[October 3rd, 2022]

Monday, 5:35 PM

Too Much, Too Much, All at Once, ah FvCK

Everything is glowing. Like all the light sources are especially bright and so it’s hard to focus on any one thing because all this light is shining at me and my eyes are going in and out of focus. Right now I can’t stare at the computer screen. I can’t focus on it, it’s like my eyes start seeing everything in this room at once, and it’s all so bright, and I can’t think when it’s like this. Tomorrow is trash pick up day, so I finally got the garbage out of my room and …now there is a lot more space— fvck. I feel like I’m trembling but it’s not my body—maybe just my eyes.

Man trying to gesture draw like this is going to be real sh*tty I can already tell.

Uh, I hope this entry is coherent, I don’t feel very coherent right now. Just zazzed.

I got a tab up, “Guide to Mental Health Acronyms,” because I want to finally know and remember what the fvckin acronym for “bipolar disorder” is. BitJazz borderline personality making everything all complicated. (Damn, mfer I am TRIPPING.)

[6:12 PM] WhOOPS—sorry, y’all. Got distracted texting J (and then this other acquaintance). Though all I’m inclined to text rn is just nonsense gibberish, occasionally in a nonsense rhyme scheme, and featuring a few thrown in completely-made-up words that just feel right. Man, on tumblr today — I was on the manic depression tag — I saw a post talking about grandeur delusions, but their delusions were “the belief that I could finally change for the better, start eating healthy everyday, working out everyday, cooking and cleaning everyday” and I was like—

Damn, holmes! I guess I was more fvcked outta my mind then I thought. (I remember, idk how many weekends ago, having that same exact thought process and feeling because DAMN was I capable in that moment—ah. )

[6:28 PM]

Sorry—was texting an acquaintance again. Wanted to share the above meme, and so I sent it once, and then a few texts later I sent it again. (Because it makes me laugh, LOL!!!!) Anyways, when I read tha— I need to get myself some more multivitamins lest I evaporate and die.

FVCK

[6:40 PM]

Damn I wish I could read. Right, right—that tab with the Mental Health Acronyms thing. Riiiiight. The Mental Health Acronyms tab ,,, the tab involving mental Health Acro—

(lol)

[8:28 PM]

I’ve done some gesture drawing. Decided to move the 30 second timer (since I’ve done 70 drawings with it) to 2 minutes. My mind is fireworks. AAhhHHHHLHH;hhHH. Just read a tumblr post that said, “Being manic is feeling stuck in a perpetual loop of vertigo” and yah. I’ll drink to that bro. (LOL).

I just found the perfect description. (Found, in my own thoughts, that is.) Right now, what I’m experiencing is like if I put on those red+blue 3-D glasses at the movie theater, except it's not red or blue, just light and so now I’m tripping tf outta my mind.

(Unrelated) But a solid description of how I’ve been with my money these last like 5 months, literally the equivalent of: “Wow! I spent $50 on buttons in a variety of colors because I saw them and thought, ‘aw those are such cute little fkin buttons! I can place them all over my house and every time I see one I’ll be filled with immense joy because they’re just so fkin cuteeeeeeeeeee.’ And then when the buttons arrive being like, “What the fvck???/ What tHE FVCK?????” But then buying $50 more like 2 weeks later.

Absolutely, 3 billion percent embarrassing behavior.

[End of entry excerpt ....it goes on for much longer LOL]

Anyways, I think these do a good job of showing what the mind of someone going through a manic episode is like--constantly switching thoughts, getting distracted, not all coherent, yada yada yada.

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4)

Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

[Prev]. [Next]

#my thougts #bipolaire #bipolar disorder #manic depression #actually bipolar #mental health #neurodiversity #neurodivergencies #dpr ian #dpr we gang gang #christian yu #fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️#a scoup of life 🔫🦆

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estelle-lee · 10 months

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FULL ON FIRE 🔥 - 10th August, 2023

so i woke up at 9:42, scrolled on youtube till 10 am, and then took an hour to fresh up and organize everything. it was worth the time. now i just need to study. i'll start with physics. wish me luck!

it's 1:46, took me 1 hour and 57 mins to finish physics chapter 2 cq. i'll finish chapter 3 after lunch.

it's 6:04 pm, i just finished physics chap 3 which took me 1 hour and 46 minutes and chem chap 2 cq which took me 1 hour and 7 mins.

so in a total of 4 hour and 50 mins, i have finished 18 cqs… that's a huge achievement lol.

i'll take a nap now cuz i literally feel DRUNK right now and my fingers are STINGING from all the writing (writing for 5 hours straight is no joke man…)

but yeah at least i did something! i'm proud of myself!

after the nap, i'll wake up and literally speedrun the work. no chatting. i'll finish the work asap and then finish chapter 3 of chemistry.

i need to do that real fast too, cuz then i have to finish general math chapter 6, 14, and 15.

i'll be finishing these today, NO MATTER WHAT.

and then i'll consider higher math.

but if i have time left after general math but i don't wanna write anymore (cuz it's normal for my hands to be exhausted after so much writing) then i'll finish the mcqs of these chapters i have studied today. won't be much to do. and if i STILL have time left or i just wanna study more. then ig i will start general math mcqs cuz i have finished those chapters' cqs but haven't touched the mcqs.

---

lemme fresh up and take a nap now.

---

IT'S ONLY 7:31 PM AND I FINISHED MY WORK ALREADY LSDKGFLASDKGJLSDKF

lemme finish my snacks now, then i'mma fresh up and go to study. also it's changbin's birthday so… happy birthday dwaekki!!! he's on live, but i can't watch it cuz of mom… so sad :<

---

fuck it, i just entered his live and he's so damn adorable lsdjfklasdjf;aslkf

the cake looks delicious bro-

that's it <3 seeing him eating happily on his birthday and enjoying was enough for me :)

now i'll go finish my own food and fresh up :)

---

it was nice talking to hikki, also finished my food. now lemme fresh up and continue with my studies :D

it's 8:40 pm, starting now!

back from dinner, continuing…

---

DAMN my fingers are HURTING AS FUCK-

i finished the cqs of chem chap 3… this chapter had way more writing part than the other chapters i finished today, so this alone hurt my finger more…

anyways it took me 1 hour and 58 minutes, which i think is pretty good :)

i'll get on with the mcqs for now… once i finish the mcqs THEN i'll start general math… cuz my hands are literally dead rn

---

50 minutes in and i have finish the mcqs of chem chap 2 and 3, which is nice.

so i studied a total of 7 hours and 38 minutes WTF-

when did i study and write so much bro o.O

has to be my first time lol ✨improvement✨

---

mom told me to stop now, ig i SHOULD stop after so much studying… i'll study EVEN MORE tomorrow hehe

i'll continue with physics mcqs in the morning.

bro i've been trying to finish general math for the past 2 days now…

i live by the 2 day rule, i can't procrastinate anything for more than 2 days.

now i must finish it tomorrow. no matter what.

then i'll plan what to do after that.

---

i guess i was on fire today. tomorrow i should be lava 😎

fine, i should wind down and sleep now…

good night~ <3

#dear diary #study motivation

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lesbiansoncaffiene · 3 years

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AFTG As Shit Me And My Friends Have Said (pt. 2)

Y’all like the last one so much (it’s my most liked post as of rn so thank you!!) that we now have a part dos

Also features quotes from my gov class and from my (twin) brother

Matt: I am very happy to declare pawnshops as “EBay irl”

Dan: dear god

——————————————

5:24am

*Nicky named the chat Toothpaste Man Fanclub*

5:25am

*Andrew left the chat*

—————————————

Renee: I cannot believe I have to say this, you’re not allowed to cut into a cake baby

Aaron, his scalpel ready: goddamit

——————————

Matt, drunk: Me when I cut off my ear for the lols

——————————

The AFTG fandom: Gender, in the state of this nation? I think the fuck not

——————————

Wymack: Wow I have a lot of white in my beard

Abby: It’s because you’re old

Kevin: Well the alternative is dead so..

Wymack and Abby: ..

——————————

Aaron, to Katelyn, who always falls asleep during Marvel movies: do you wanna watch a Marvel movie?

Katelyn: *snorts*

——————————

Seth: What if you’re pregnant and go to China, and your baby is born while you’re in China

Renee: You can’t fly in a plane during your 3rd trimester of pregnancy

Seth: Yea but what if you drove

*disappointed sighs*

———————

Kevin: omg I found a picture of my best friend in PreK

Kevin: The one who told me Satan was gonna eat me

Matt: ….I’m sorry what-

————————

Nicky: My only goal in life is to piss off my ancestors by going to the spice section in the grocery store

————————

Kevin: someone tried to mansplain on me in my history class, I hope they know that I’m a self-diagnosed autistic bisexual with a god complex who is going to prove him wrong

Dan: yep time to call Betsy

——————————

Jean: listen I’m aroace but if Mothman ever wanted to fuck…..

Laila: shut uP, ShuT UP-

——————————

Aaron: we have to take care of these egg baby’s in my healthcare class *shows eggs with goggly eyes attached*

Andrew, looking it dead in the eyes: eat it. Eat the baby

——————————

Nicky *on the bus*: SCOOBY DOOBY DOO

Matt: WHERE ARE YOU

Neil, from the back: emotional hell

——————————

Jeremy *about some gossip*: omg what a plot twist

Alvarez: that only happens in books

Jeremy: shhh I’m projecting

——————————

Renee: wow, that was great parallel parking, you must have aced your drivers test

Andrew: my what

——————————

*3am on a school night*

Dan: Don’t you think it’s weird that getting lab work done is basically walking into the doctors office and asking them to take your life juice?

Allison: if you don’t shut up and go to sleep I’m calling Wymack

————————

Neil: I hope Wymack lets me make Jack do the little lad dance for missing practice

Seth: that would bring all the serotonin that I’m missing back into my life tbh

————————

Andrew: I’m a very slow reader, I should not start a 10K fic at 2:35am

Neil: You going to anyway aren’t you

————————

Allison *showing Renee a meme*: Why was my first thought when I saw this ‘I should send this to my therapist’

Renee: Because you’re mentally ill, babe

———————

Andrew: Why make good decisions when arson is an option?

Aaron: Is arson… not a good decision?

———————

Nicky: okay so how do we let Andrew know that we know he’s gay. I have a few ideas-

Renee: well, we should be subtle-

Nicky, already pulling out a full on rainbow costume: do we /have/ to?

———————

Allison: is my straightener in your room?

Neil: I don’t think anything in my room is straight but you can check

———————

Andrew *on a rant about Adam Levine’s voice*: it sounds like he’s been hit in the balls

Wymack, who woke up two minutes ago when he thought someone was breaking into his house at 3:38am: what the fuck

————-

Neil: My lungs thought it would be funky and fresh to stop working when it is in fact not funky nor fresh

Matt: You just had an asthma attack, can you shut up-

———————

Aaron: I have therapy today

Kevin, trying to be supportive: that’s hot

————————

Renee: I love you but your pizza cutting skills are enough to ward off God

Dan, who cut the pizza into squares: yeah that’s fair

——-

Dedicated to Jess who read these and approved 100% *sorta*

——-

Part 3? Possibly?? If y’all like it???

——-

Part 1:

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ishouldnotbhere · 3 years

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Ahhhh this is so late omg but @saecookie thank you so much for tagging me! 💜 Having a miserable time with my allergies rn and it’s pouring outside, so I finally have some time to play a tag game :D (Ig I did have time before, but I am an EXTREMELY verbose writer)

Favorite color: Purple/dark violet. I’ve always loved darker colors, like maroon, navy blue, forest green, and burgundy because of how strongly they’re associated with elegance, sophistication, and grace—none of which I have lmao, but I admire people who do, and aspire to be like them. It wasn’t lost on me when I learned as a kid in seventh grade history that indigo was an expensive shade to purchase in antiquity, so the color became associated with royalty.

But what really solidified purple for me was when it came to be associated with Bangtan. Say what you will about the toxicity of Twitter ARMY fan culture, which is notorious and totally fucked up, but their music and existence pulled me out of—and continue to do so—some very dark places. And I can pinpoint the exact moment that purple became dearest to my heart. On Weverse, the platform that BTS uses to communicate with fans, an ARMY expressed to BTS that they were unable to go to sleep. One of the members, Taehyung, replied with this:

That made me cry. It was a pinned post on my blog for a while. Whenever I can’t sleep, and that is often, I try to dream of a purple balloon. And it’s always quiet, like the sky above an empty shore. It doesn’t always work, but it almost always helps.

Currently reading: …everything all at once? Lmao. I’m the kind of person who reads a chunk of one book and puts it down temporarily to read a chunk of another book. I’m really enjoying Jade City by Fonda Lee, the Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling, and Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World by Jack Weatherford.

Last song: Mystery Lady, by Masego and Don Toliver

Last movie: Twilight: New Moon LMAO. My friends and I recently went on a trip and decided to watch the Twilight series because what’re you gonna do when you’re hanging out with your friends, conduct yourselves properly? It was fantastic. We decided that we were Team Jacob x Sam, the kid who simped for Bella and got queasy over a horror movie. Rivals to lovers, amirite

Last series: I’m watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood rn, if that counts as a series. It’s the first time I’m watching it and yes, everybody I know and their second cousins have roasted me for not watching it yet. Also yes, I am disappointed in myself. I thought it was overrated. I’m on episode 5 and it’s really fucking good.

Sweet, savory, or spicy? God, I love savory, but it’s sweet for me. I’m legitimately worried because diabetes runs in my family, and I literally cannot last a single day without having ingested at least a few sugary things. I need to cut down soon, but I just can’t resist.

Craving: …Not something sweet, for once. I tried that one ramen recipe that has gone viral on TikTok and holy FUCK it is good, but if my mom sees me preparing and eating something that she hasn’t already made, she’ll kill me. But man, am I craving it.

Currently working on: Wow, this question makes me feel shitty, lmao. I SHOULD be working on my novel, which is threadbare and just a bunch of vague and yet simultaneously complex ideas in my head that I don’t have the skills to execute yet. I also need to be studying for the GMAT, losing weight, cleaning my room, having actual clothes in my closet/a legit fashion sense, and… I just don’t know where to start, man. I end up not doing anything. Pressure from the family isn’t helping.

Well, that ended on a depressing note lol. I’m chugging along though, so hopefully I’ll end up okay. Tagging @also-alexander, @cydonian-mystery, @s0locrxckwitch, @tangerinefluff, @whitesilence23, @happy-xy, and @mugaki 👍 No pressure tho, feel free to ignore!

#my post

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nxmuzluv · 3 years

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ariana birthday hcs !! —

it’s september 1st in south korea & japan rn,,,, so you know what that means

26th birthday hcs 👁👁

(this post is long as hell so brace urselves lmao)

on the morning of her birthday, ariana is woken up by either twitter and message notifications or her husband

her fans are blowing up her mentions with birthday wishes and her family & friends are doing the same, so bet that she has about a million notifs

since byakuya gets ready for work before ariana, he usually comes back to wake her up (even if she’s already up lol)

he hands her coffee (a caramel macchiato with a shit ton of cream and three sugars), tells her “good morning” and “happy birthday, love,” and kisses her on the forehead

(SOBBINFGMNBKJHBMK)

they usually have a short lil conversation about whatever (what they’re going to do that day, ariana’s birthday, other random topics) before byakuya tells ariana to go to work lol

but before she does, she usually opens twitter and scrolls down her birthday hashtags (which are already trending with about 100,000 or so tweets lmao), and responds to her text messages

three hashtags i came up with are “#AutumnFairyAri,” “#26WishesForAriana,” and “#아름이하트27개” (#27HeartsForAhreum) 🥺

(the last one is because ariana is 27 in korea lol)

guaranteed that she’s smiling like an idiot at those tweets lol

if her fans are lucky, ariana might like their post. if they’re extra lucky, she might even respond-

(cue the combustion of her fanbase)

then she posts a lil morning selfie, thanks her fans for all the birthday wishes, complains about how she has to go to work on her birthday, and then she finally gets ready for work lol

as ariana does, her fanbase is literally in flames lmao they’re screaming at her new selfie (“LOOK AT HER HAIR OMG MNJSHFJFMNGJ” - one of ariana’s fans, most likely), flooding her comment section, and taking over the trending page

ari and byakuya usually leave together, and ariana gets dropped off first, so when she does, they usually say goodbye to each other & byakuya gives her another kiss on the head

ofc they say “i love you” to each other, and if anyone around them has sumn to say about it, then byakuya can just make their jobs disappear !! 😗✌🏽

once ariana gets to work, she’s immediately greeted by another round of birthday wishes and the occasional gift (because oh my GOD she gets so many from her staff)

the best gift comes from her manager of 22 years, yoo miyeon. that woman is literally like ariana’s second mother it’s so cute-

miyeon usually says something along the lines of “remember when you were shorter than me ???” (it is now the other way around lmao)

near the end of her day, ariana sits in her company’s conference room, goes live on vlive, and opens the shit ton of gifts, cards, letters, and bouquets that were sent to her by her fans (and god damn doesn’t she get a lot-)

(ariana loves the bouquets,,, she literally squeals every time she sees that she got another one :(( she’ll be making flower arrangements with all of them later on lol and she’ll probably go live again 👁👁)

her birthday lives are one of the things ariana loves the most. she gets to speak to her fans, speak to her staff all casually, and her fans get to see her again. it’s a win-win :))

(bet, byakuya is watching that live when he has the time and has sent a message to ariana. when she spots his message, knows it’s him, and gets incredibly happy is one of the best moments of the live)

she also speaks to her family (they’re all in korea and america while she’s in japan 😕) during the live !! near the end, ari blows out the candles of the cakes that were bought for her by her staff and her family, and she answers questions from her fans

(lol remember back in 2011 when ari’s fans thought she was gonna finish high school & come back to korea, but instead she met this tall blond mf, fell in love with him, moved in with him, and then ended up marrying him 10 years later so now she’s really not coming back ??? lmao good times 🤣🤣🤣)

it’s a v nice moment & if you miss it, that’s such a loss lol ariana rarely goes live since she’s always so busy

after well over 12 hours, ari’s work day is finally over. on those types of days, she gets home before byakuya at around 7 or 8pm

after work, both of them go to dinner !! :))

while byakuya is coming home, ariana just gets ready. there’s a dress from byakuya that was hung by his staff in ariana’s closet (it’s black and designer, ofc 🙄✋🏽), and all ari has to do is shower, do her hair and makeup, pick out her shoes, and pick out a bag from the literal hundreds that she has

say it with me, y’all !! bag hag

ariana goes live on instagram while she does that as some kind of “get ready with with me” thing. she gets to talk to her fans again (especially her stan twitter ones lol), ask how she should style her hair & do her makeup, and ask what accessories she should choose

she also plays music in the background (especially britney spears, christina aguilera, the pussycat dolls, rihanna, nelly furtado, gwen stefani, lee hyori, or hyuna because they make her feel hotter than she already is lmao) !!

and ari sings to whatever’s playing and she gets haruka-

(am i allowed to put her here ??? i’ll just put here here lol 🤪)

-to say hi & help with her hair and makeup, so ariana’s lives are just a gold mine worth of content lmao

byakuya comes home just a lil while before ariana’s finished, and ofc, she forces asks him to say hi to her fans

lmao all that man does is silently wave with the world’s straightest face, and the chat is just yelling about how fine he is (“GO OFF RICH BOY” - one off ariana’s fans, probably). like HE’S NOT DOING ANYTHINGFGDHMBK

but as they should 😩☝🏽

ariana asks her fans if she should leave or stay on the live for a while longer, and ofc, they usually say that she should stay,,,, but that woman rarely listens tbh ASMNKHJFMNJK

she might stay for like,,, 5 minutes, but usually, she just leaves lmao

a lil while before she and byakuya leave, they talk to each other and to haruka for a while, and haruka probably most definitely takes polaroid pictures of ari and byakuya before they leave lol

(ariana def posts those on twitter later and all byakuya does is retweet them)

(but ofc he’ll tweet out a post wishing his wife a happy birthday,,, okay byakuya, look at you making progress !!)

the restaurant ariana and byakuya go to is of course very fancy and luxurious (it probably serves french cuisine too lmao). ari insists that they get a table on the rooftop, and since it’s her birthday (and since he loves her sm), byakuya complies :))

they talk the entire night, and if she can, ariana reaches over to hold byakuya’s hand most of the time :((

(taking a bit from rae’s hcs on how byakuya would celebrate his s/o’s birthday,,,,, like i’ve kinda been doing the whole time 🚶🏽‍♀️)

after dinner, the two of them will take a walk through tokyo. ariana would love it (well, not really, because she’s wearing literal heels lmao), especially since she and byakuya rarely get to do things like that. she’ll be taking pictures of things she finds interesting and would 100% ask byakuya to take pictures of her (and vice versa)

(she’s posting those on twitter too,,, ariana nation is getting fed well lol)

and then they can finally go back home and stay home, and ariana can finally open the rest of her gifts !!

they’re gifts from her family, her close friends, and of course, from byakuya and haruka !! ari’s literally smiling the whole time as she opens her presents (especially the ones from her family,,, hayley’s homemade birthday cards are always so cute 🥺), and haruka has that polaroid camera out again

(ariana: does anything)

(haru: you’re doing great sweetie !! 😀📸)

idk exactly what ariana would want for her birthday (tmw you don’t even know the preferences of your own character 🧍🏽‍♀️), but most likely, it’s either something homemade or a designer item lmao (mainly another purse-)

fun fact: her aunt josephine spoils the shit out of her lol like ariana could see a bunch of bags from chanel, louis vuitton, and yves saint laurent and automatically think “yeah, that’s my aunt lol”

ariana facetimes her family again, as well !! they get to speak to byakuya and haruka, they sing “happy birthday” to her in korean, they ask her if she liked their gifts, and it’s just a very cute family moment :))

it’s like,,, 11pm by the time ari finishes opening her presents, so she really has to go to bed

before that though, she spams her followers with the pictures that were taken, and posts one last “thank you” tweet before her birthday inevitably ends 😕

(well not really since it’s gonna be september 1st in other parts of the world lmao)

“everyone! thank u sooo much for all the birthday wishes u gave me today! it wouldn’t have been such a great one without y’all, my family, my best friends, my husband (@ByakuyaTogami), and my no. 1 fan, my sister-in-law lmao (@harukaonice). i love each and every single one of y’all with my entire heart, and i’m so glad u love me just as much 🥺 i saw as many of ur posts as i could, and i just wanna thank y’all for reaching over a million tweets! can’t believe y’all think that i’m that important lol (i mean, ofc i am 🙄✋🏻) anyways, once again, thank y’all smmmm! love y’all lots!! <3 ari <3” - ariana’s tweet 🥺 (that she posts in four different languages lol; english, korean, japanese, and french !!)

(SHE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART IM LITERALLY CRINGHMNHJDJGKM)

then ariana and byakuya finally go to sleep (it’s like 1am now jesus christ-), and ariana’s twitter notifications are still blowing tf up lmao

n e ways, that ends this behemoth of a post !! happy birthday to my baby, ariana park and even though she doesn’t exist (😕), i hope she enjoys it to the fullest !!

bonus !!

if she has a public appearance scheduled before or on her birthday, if fans are allowed to attend, they sing “happy birthday” to her whenever they see her !!

like, she could be entering a building and they would sing it, and then she could exit a few hours later & they’ll sing it again lol

ariana’s just like, “babes, you already sang this to me earlier !!”

when it comes to her “more important” birthdays (although her birthdays are always important)—such as her 18th, 20th, or 21st birthdays—ariana will throw quite a big party. like there would be a bunch of celebrities and popular society figures on the list,,, it would be a whole spectacle that the average person could only dream of getting into lmao (like me, ofc 🚶🏽‍♀️)

when ari was a child, her parents would throw a birthday party for her nearly every year lol,,, and while they were living in korea together, they would have dinner with nearly their entire family, too

(she always got two cakes, too,,, like it’s just kinda tradition for the park family at this point lol)

since ariana and jungkook (from bts) share the same birthday, either one of them message each other to wish each other a happy birthday !! ari also sends him a gift, while jungkook posts said gift on twitter and probably fanboys,,, i have a feeling that he would be a fan of her and her dramas,,, as well as the rest of bts

(they have each other’s numbers because ariana is a korean celebrity and they’ve attended events together on multiple occasions,,, ofc she and bts know each other lmao)

and i forgot to mention, but haruka would totally watch ariana’s birthday vlive if she didn’t have practice or something,,, probably sending as many messages as she can & aggressively hearting the live lmao,,, that girl really is ariana’s biggest fan SKJMNNFJMK

i also forgot to mention that JH entertainment (ariana’s agency) releases photos from a birthday photo shoot that they did with her !! they have different themes every year and they’re always so cute :((

they’re also taken prior to ariana’s actually birthday, especially since she’s always in japan now lol (but like,,, how do people not notice her going back and forth between korea & japan sometimes-)

(also, big verified accounts and celebrities on twitter & instagram wishing ariana a happy birthday >>>>>)

(celebrity tingz 🤪)

n e ways, now i’m done !! happy birthday, ari ilysm <3

(the character of haruka togami belongs to @raes-ramblings, btw !!)

#this took ALL FUCKING DAY #i started this when i was going to school & now school’s almost OVER #oh GAWD 🧎🏽‍♀️#i’m so glad i finished this tho !! it was so fun to write :))#once again happy birthday ari ily with all my heart !!#(and congrats on ur marriage 👀)#cece speaks :)#cece writes :)#danganronpa #danganronpa oc #headcanons #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa 1 #dr1 #trigger happy havoc oc #oc headcanons #byakuya togami #byakuya x oc #oc x canon

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rocksong · 3 years

Text

get to know me tag 🦋

thanks merry @hyuckie for tagging me 💞

tagging @haechanv and @n1kisupremacy

1. When is your birthday? march :^)

2. What is your favorite color? it changes all the time but I particularly love green lately

3. What’s your lucky number? i don’t have one

4. Do you have any pets? i have a cat 🐈

5. How tall are you? not very

6. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 4 i think but one of them is my moms that i just kind of stole

7. Favorite song? i dont have a single favorite song of all time but ive been obsessed with aespa’s next level ever since it released. truly life changing

8. Favorite movie? lilo and stitch, tangled, school of rock, napoleon dynamite, HSM2.......

9. Who would be your ideal partner? someone whose humor matches mine ig sry boring answer idk

10. Do you want children? i already have a cat

11. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? what are u a cop

12. Baths or showers? showers but i enjoy baths too

13. What color socks are you wearing? im not wearing any rn 🥸

14. What type of music do you like? idk anything interesting ig

15. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2 but sometimes i use my bigger stuffed animals as pillows too

16. What position do you usually sleep in? on my stomach with an arm under my head yes my neck hurts

17. What you don’t like when you are sleeping? i dont like sleeping in the same room as other ppl lol

18. What do you typically have for breakfast? i dont usually eat in the morning but if i do.... fruit or something.. had a plum today :)

19. Have you ever tried archery? no and i probably shouldnt i cant see shit

20. Favorite fruit? raspberries and mango<3

21. Favorite swear word? dolphin noises

22. Do you have any scars? no

23. Are you a good liar? i hope so

24. What is your personality type? INTP 5

25. What is your favorite type of girls? i like when girls r overly excited and laughing a lot

26. Are you an innie or an outie? innie... what

27. Left or right handed? right

28. Favorite food? coconut rice+mango

29. Favorite foreign food? thai or mongolian food probably

30. Are you a clean or messy person? i am clean with certain things and messy with others....

40. Most used phrase? man i dont know. you know what. probably “man” bc i never know what to say

41. How long does it take for you to get ready? idk 15-20 mins probably

42. Do you talk to yourself? yes someone has to

43. Do you sing to yourself? i think i hum more than i sing

44. Are you a good singer? for sure

45. Biggest Fear? none of ur business xP

46. Are you a gossip? not really but ill listen if someone rlly wants to share

47. Do you like long or short hair? probably short.. less to dye.

48. Favorite school subject? art and math

49. Extrovert or Introvert? definitely introvert

50. What makes you nervous? most things in life😏

51. Who was your first real crush? ...real?? one of my friends in highschool

52. How many piercings do you have? i love piercings but i just have 2 lobe piercings on each ear cuz im too lazy to take care of them. i dont even wear earrings. ive wanted a vertical labret for the longest time but ill probably never actually get it

53. How fast can you run? how should i knoww

54. What color is your hair? green

55. What color are your eyes? green

56. What makes you angry? myself when I can’t word my thoughts properly

57. Do you like your own name? yea its alright

58. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? neither

59. What are your strengths? idk i have cool hair...

60. What are your weaknesses? lazy💃🏻

61. Color of your bedspread? white

62. Color of your room? red

If u read all this thx ig🥳

#tagged #ty merryyy

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ababybiter · 4 years

Text

jungkook x y/n, besties to besties with benefits, a lot of texting, smut, fluff and college life, oh and lets pretend V wasn’t born in the christmas holidays

part 1/??

[00:19am] jungkook: please help me

{00:19am} jungkook: i don’t know what to get tae for his birthday

{00:23am} jungkook: Y/N!!!!!!!!!!

{00:25am} y/n: jungkook

{00:25am} y/n: his birthday is literally 5 days away

{00:26am} y/n: why are u like this

Truth be told, you weren't that surprised. Your best friend Jungkook was a novice at putting in effort for his friends birthdays and you were wholeheartedly used to that fact. The stress of finding something for your other best friend’s birthday on Friday was stressful enough for you, let alone the inevitable pleas of Jungkook’s text messages on Sunday evening coming through were enough to send you over the edge.

{00:28am} jungkook: TECHNICALLY it’s 6 days away...

You roll your eyes as you lay on your back, snuggled up under your duvet. You glance at your bedroom door, thinking of your roommate and close friend Nina. As Taehyung’s girlfriend, you wondered what sort of gift she bought for him.

{00:29am} y/n: You know I struggled myself! Have you asked Nina?

{00:29am} jungkook: NO she’ll hate me for leaving it so late D:

{00:29am} jungkook: I’ve been at my computer for ages. mY desperation has led me to WISH.COM

{00:30am} y/n: no she won’t but i get you

{00:30am] y/n: get off wish u idiot

{00:30am} y/n: shall we go shopping on wednesday? I’ll help you find something

You rub your eyes, unable to even pretend to think of gift ideas right now. You turn off your bedside lamp, your eyes straining in the dark as you thank the lords for your 1pm lecture tomorrow. It’s then that you remember Jungkook has an early morning class.

{00:35am} jungkook: YOU’RE THE BEST!!!!

{00:36am} y/n: you should be asleep kook

{00:37am} jungkook: i know i’ll get there

{00:37am} jungkook: can’t sleep rn

{00:37am} y/n: why? gift stress?

{00:38am} jungkook: lol, idk just can’t

{00:38am} jungkook:

You?

You roll over in the dark, trying to ignore the weird feeling in your stomach.

{00:39am} y/n: I have a late class tomorrow

{00:39am} y/n: YOU however sir do not

{00:39am} y/n: plus you’ve not been getting enough sleep lately, you need to sort out your pattern or you’ll be grumpy for V’s birthday :)

{00:40am} jungkook: i got it covered, just wanted to sort out a gift plan first

{00:40am} y/n: got it covered?

{00:41am} jungkook: I can make myself tired lol, dw <3

{00:42am} y/n: you gonna knock yourself out? LOOOL :(

{00:43am} jungkook: no y/n

{00:43am} jungkook: 0.o

Oh. Oh.

You clench your thighs together, suddenly in the mood to do that too.

No, what the fuck, no. That would be weird...touching yourself knowing that your best friend was doing the same. It would be weird...right?

Although it was Jeon Jungkook, you can’t deny that you’ve thought about him, accidentally of course, during your alone times. It was a secret you wouldn’t even admit to yourself let alone him or anyone else.

It was clearly just the dry spell talking. Your last boyfriend was well over a year ago and Jungkook was a guy. A hot guy. It’s probably normal to fantasise about him.

Except you didn’t fantasise about Tae, or Yoongi, or any of your other male friends. The thought alone sent a different feeling to your stomach, these were your FRIENDS. Practically your brothers.

So why was Jungkook any different?

{00:47am} jungkook: you still there?

{00:49am} jungkook: don’t pretend like you don’t do it too.

Was this still friendly territory? The full stop in his last text did something to your lower stomach.

Okay, now you’re being weird. You start typing tentatively.

{00:50am} y/n: I mean yeah, who doesn’t?

{00:51am} jungkook: Do you miss sex?

{00:51am} y/n: amongst other things, yes

{00:52am} jungkook: Such as?

Butterflies dance in your stomach as you type your next words, this was brand new territory for you and Jungkook. You wouldn’t even talk about this stuff with Nina...

{00:53am} y/n: I miss being eaten out

Your fingers dance over the screen as you wait for his response. You close and shut the app quickly before reopening it.

{00:53am} jungkook: mhm

That’s it? Your cheeks redden in the darkness of your room as you shuffle your legs under the covers.

{00:54am} y/n: I should sleep, it’s getting pretty late for me now

{00:55am} jungkook: okay, yeah sure

You’re about to lock your phone and throw it to the other side of your bed when it buzzes one more time.

{00:57am} jungkook: But are you tired?

{00:59am} y/n: I...am getting there. Why?

{1:00am} jungkook: we could help each other out?

{1:00am} y/n: how?

Jeez, how are you already wet? The excitement of talking to Jungkook like this was too much, clearly. You were 99% sure he was insinuating what you thought he was. But it had been a long time since you sexted, it also wasn’t something you and your ex had done much throughout the relationship.

{1:02am} jungkook: I like talking to you like this. I want to hear what else you like.

{1:02am} jungkook: let’s make each other tired

{1:02am} y/n: jeon!!!! you wanna sext?

{1:02am} jungkook: you made me horny y/n!

{1:03am} y/n: that was alllllll you jk! horny mf

Jungkook reads your message. The absence of the speech bubble appearing makes you stomach twist. Your phone goes dark waiting for it to appear. As much as you reprimanded him for his boyish behaviour, something in you wanted it to continue. But you probably blew it by being so whiney. Fuck. You didn’t know you wanted to sext Jungkook so bad.

And then.

{jungkook: Attachment 1 image}

You hesitate, before sliding open the chat. He’s laying in bed, the phone angled down at this legs in his black sweat pants. His thighs pressed close together in the tight yet stretchy material, his dick protrudes up from under the trousers, casting a dark shadow over his stomach. You know right there and then that this boy’s nudes would look like art.

{1:08am} jungkook: let’s help each other out

{1:08am} jungkook: this is what thinking about you did to me

{1:09am} jungkook: tell me if you want me to stop

You stare at the messages on your phone, fingers hovering over the keys, your instinct to explode your feelings into capital letters and ask him what’s happening. Because that’s how honest you too are...so I guess it’s normal to be this honest too.

You fling the duvet off and swing your legs out of bed. Your heart hammers in your chest as you kneel in front of the mirror, not really thinking with your brain right now. You pull off the baggy t-shirt that floats around your torso, leaving you in your underwear. You place a hand over your breasts, hiding your nipples in a seductive fashion, before using your other hand to snap a photo, hiding half of your heated face with the phone.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you press send.

You squeal, throwing your phone face down on bed, hoping you didn’t wake Nina up. The last thing you needed was for her to come bursting in to your room right now.

{1:13am} jungkook: holy shit

{1:13am} jungkook: you’re so hot

{1:13am} jungkook: i’m so hard for you

{1:13am} jungkook: wow

You climb quickly back into bed, his words sending electric waves to your core.

{1:14am} y/n: shall I touch myself?

{1:14am} jungkook: fuk yes

{1:14am} jungkook: i can use this picture right?

{1:14am} y/n: that's why i sent it kook :’)

{1:15am} jungkook: right okay haa good

{1:15am} jungkook

: holy wow

You try not to giggle at his cuteness, when his next message makes you gasp.

{1:16am} jungkook: god i wanna taste you

That was all it took to get your hand to work. More dirty words are exchanged, both of you sweating and misspelling, as you both get yourselves off to each other.

{1:26am} y/n: jungkook i’m gonna cum

{1:27am} jungkook: shit y/n me too

{1:27am} jungkook: fucck

Your orgasm washes over you. Your eyes flutter shut as you imagine Jungkook’s lips on your pussy, his body on top of you, the look on his face as he comes. You wonder if he’s loud in bed. If he’s moaning right now.

{1:30am} y/n: That was so fun.

{1:30am} jungkook: jesus. yes it was

{1:31am} y/n: maybe we can do it in person some time?

{1:37am} jungkook: yeah?

{1:37am} y/n: yeah, i guess i really have missed this stuff

{1:37am} y/n: wanna be friends with benefits?

{1:40am} jungkook: Is that what you want?

{1:40am} y/n: i think it sounds fun, what about you? are you down?

{1:41am} jungkook: mhm yes i’m down :)

Your newly found post orgasm confidence delegated some rules over text to Jungkook, which he easily agreed on. The main one being that should the opportunity arise to be physically imitate with each other, the two of you would be exclusive, and let the other person know if they were interested in being sexual with someone else. To which the arrangement would stop.

And under no circumstances, would it come between your friendship.

The two of you had been best friends for over 2 years now, meeting through Taehyung at college party. You didn’t even think about seeing him face to face after the occurrences of last night and what the ‘vibe’ would be, as Nina might say. In fact, it still hadn’t fully settled in that you had sexted Jungkook last night. As you left your apartment just after 12 to get some lunch before your lecture, it had felt like a hazy hot dream.

{GROUPCHAT: 1 new message}

{12:14am} V: anyone on campus ??? I bought too much food from the cafe. Need to share. Heading to the field if anyone wants to eat with me!

You type with two hands as you walk quickly onto campus.

{12:14am}: y/n: I’m almost at the field!

{12:14am} jungkook: I’m at the field now, just finished my jog

You stare at the message that popped up at the same time as yours. Butterflies fill your stomach again at the thought of seeing Jungkook in the flesh after the filthy wishes that were shared between the two of you less than 12 hours ago.

You look up as you reach the grass. Laying down on the green, propped up on his lower arms is the man is your best friend and new sexting buddy Jeon Jungkook. His fluffy black hair is pushed back with a sweat band that you’re sure belongs to Yoongi. The arms of his long sleeved black sweat shirt is rolled up to his elbows, and your eyes fall to his black jogging bottoms. You’re sure they’re a different pair, but the photo he sent you last night burns in your mind and you feel a familiar warmth down below.

Before you reach him, Taehyung appears, slinging down a grocery bag on the grass to which Jungkook leans forward and peers into, flicking his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Hey, Y/N!” Tae lifts a hand. “You know you two were the ones I was expecting to accept free food at the speed of light.”

“Hi guys.” You fall to your knees on the soft grass, dropping your bag beside you.

Jungkook’s eyes flicker over you before he meets your gaze. “Hey.” A shy smile ghosts his lips before he opens a packet of Doritos.

“Do you know if Nina got up in time for work?” Tae asks.

“Yeah, she was gone long before me.” You smile, focusing your attention on V.

“So is she not quitting the barista job then?” Jungkook sits up, shoving crisps into his mouth.

“No, she there’s no where else she can work where they’ll let her do the hours she wants.” V explains.

“Yeah, lucky bitch only has classes two days a week.” You scoff. “I should have taken politics.”

“Except one of those days is Friday.” He sighs, pulling out a sandwich and passing it to you. “Guess I’ll be high and dry on my birthday.”

“She’s not coming to your party Friday night?” Jungkook scrunches up the crisp packet noisily.

“Oh yeah she is, but I won’t see her until then, and if I’m not smashed, Nina will be, so...no birthday fuck for me.” He sighs wistfully. “Not one I’d remember anyway.”

Usually this sort of statement from Tae would breeze over you, but your hands become hot and you notice Jungkook swallow and cough. You wonder if he regrets the arrangement you agreed upon last night. You desperately needed to talk about this in person.

“So, um, why do you have so much food?” You open the packet, shoving the bread into your mouth.

“They were doing some deals at the cafe.” V munches. “Oh, to be a student.”

Suddenly, Jungkook stands.

“I’m gonna go get cleaned up, enjoy your lunch guys.” He pats you on the head as he goes. “See you Wednesday, Y/N.”

You bristle at the friendly gesture, again something you wouldn’t have previously batted an eye at, but given the nature of your current situation it seemed...unnatural.

“What you doing Wednesday?” Taehyung asks through a mouthful of baguette.

“Oh, uh, just...meeting up.” You stammer, your eyes following Jungkook’s legs as they head towards the path.

“Hmm.” Taehyung smirks, drinking from his water bottle. “Just meeting up, huh.”

“What?” You snap your head towards him.

“You can’t fool me, Y/N.”

Oh god, you couldn’t be talking about this with Tae before you’d even had a chance to talk about it with Jungkook. How did he know anyway? Were the two of you really being that awkward?

“How-...what?” You blush.

“It’s something to do with my birthday isn’t it?” He grins.

You desperately try to hide your expression of relief and replace it with playfulness. You force yourself to roll your eyes. “Brat.”

After a day and a half of classes, you’re glad to have your mind preoccupied with no more awkward run ins with Jungkook, since your classes were held on opposite sides of the campus. Wednesday morning rolls around, and you’re surprised that he texts you first.

{10:54am} jungkook: Heeey my favourite creative gift giver

You blink at his confidence, baring in mind the previous conversation of your ‘benefit’s’ were floating above his latest text.

You walk into the kitchen, a smile on your face as you type out a reply.

{10:55am} y/n: You’re lucky you get me to leave the house on my day off :P

“Morning!” Nina beams at you, shoving fruit into her smoothie maker. You smile back at her, wishing you were as put together as she was. It makes sense she had a bunch of guys fawning for her attention before she and V got together. It’s even cuter knowing that she dodged them all to be with our lovely Taehyung.

{10:56am} jungkook: you can’t resist the kook ;)

Your bite on your fingernails, staring bewildered at the boy texting you. It felt like someone else was using Jungkook’s phone, his flirtation over text confusing you to no end, whilst his shy demeanour in person suggested he had a split personality. And still, how this was all wrapped up in your best friend of over 2 years you’ll never be able to believe it.

Still, ignoring your nerves, you were looking forward to seeing him properly. To shake off this high school cyber flirt situation.

“Who’s the guy?” Nina slams her hands down on the counter separating the two of you.

“What?” You jump.

“Who’s the guy that’s got you blushing and smiling at your phone like a love sick puppy?” Nina’s eyes sparkle.

You sigh. Since dating Taehyung, Nina had become more interested in your love life, constantly wanting you on the same level as her. She’d also become much more intuitive, to your dismay.

But this was Nina, and you couldn’t hide anything from her. Plus, you needed her deep and thoughtful opinions.

“Wait, so, you haven’t even SPOKEN about it yet?” Nina looks gobsmacked as she keeps missing her mouth with her smoothie straw.

“No! It happened on Sunday night, and we’ve both had classes.” You glance down at your phone, the latest message from Jungkook on the screen, saying he’ll meet you outside your apartment at 12:30.

“Damn...you and jungkook...who’d have thought.” Nina taps her glass.

“He’s seen my boobs Nina!” You exclaim, shoving a left over banana from Nina’s smoothie making into your mouth.

“I bet he’d love to see that.” Nina makes a square with both her thumbs and forefingers, capturing the erotic display in front of her.

“God, you’re spending too much time with V.” You roll your eyes, chomping loudly.

“And you’re spending too much time with Jungkook!” Nina points. “Close your mouth!”

You pout chewing quietly, as you pick up your phone.

“Shit! Nina, how long have we been sitting here, I have to get ready.”

“Wow!” Nina laughs as you leap away from the counter to your bedroom. “Anyone would think you’re going on a date!”

She ducks, missing the banana skin as it hurls over her head.

Nina’s words get to you. Why did you care what you looked like? It’s not like you’ve never hung out with your best friend before. No. You knew why. It’s because it wasn’t just Nina’s words that got to you.

‘You’re so hot.’

You hadn’t even thought if Jungkook had ever found you attractive or not. It was a low grade compliment that you so guilty enjoyed. You wonder if he found you hot every day, when you ate together, played video games together, when you attended the same parties did he ever look at you in your short skirts and think...

“Hey, Y/N.”

Your weird and wild thoughts are cut short by the man himself. Jungkook approaches you as you lean against the wall of your accommodation building. He stops in front of you, his eyes scanning your previously distracted face. Did he always stand this close?

“Ready to go?”

Together you drive the short journey to the mall. You discuss gift ideas as Jungkook watches the road, whilst you try not to watch his hands.

He parks the car in the underground parking lot and unbuckles his belt quickly. You sigh. Unlike him, YOU can’t go the whole day without talking about IT.

“Jungkook.” You start, your voice dropping an octave.

He freezes like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “Y/N.”

“Do you still...about the other night, um...” You mentally kick yourself, wishing you’d prepared what you were going to say before you said it. “I had fun...is what I’m trying to say.”

“So did I.” He smiles. “A lot of fun.”

“Good. Me too. Are you still...down?” You meet his gaze, wishing you weren't having this conversation at such a close proximity.

“Yeah.” He catches his lip for a moment in between his teeth and you swear you almost stop breathing. He glances over your face. “Sorry, down to...?”

You smack his arm lightly. “You know...down to get down.” You wiggle your eyebrows before regretting it instantly. “Ahem, down to be friends with benefits.”

He gazes at you, his eyes darkening. “Is that what you want?”

Why does he keep asking that? Of course you want it! You wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise.

“Yeah.” You tell him. “I don’t wanna be one of those crazy uptight people that need to get laid.”

He breathes air out of his nose. “We wouldn’t want that would we?” He smirks, leaning closer to you until his breath is fanning your lips. “I think we know our first order of business.”

“Mhm?” You mumble, trying to still calm your breathing as you stare at his wet lips that he just licked, purposefully. His hand slides around to your back.

Suddenly there’s a click as he undoes your seatbelt.

“Find a birthday present for Taehyung!” He pulls away and opens his car door.

You let out a breath. Jeon Jungkook.

Shopping was taking longer than expected. It was hard to find something that didn’t scream ‘happy birthday, I just bought this from the mall 2 days ago!’. Jungkook wasn’t making it any easier, he was more interested embracing the role of the best friend with benefits.

“Hey, wanna take a look in here?” He throws an arm around you, nudging you towards the lingerie store.

“Jungkook I’m here to help you find a present for Taehyung. Have you forgotten that I’ve already got something to give him?”

“Okay okay, I’m just saying. I’d definitely want to see you in that.” He points to a black lace plunge bodysuit worn by mannequin.

“Mhm, yeah?” You lower your voice, drawing his attention back to you. “Well, you said first order of business was to find a birthday present for Tae, so that’s what we’re doing right now.”

He smirks down at you. “Fine. What do you suggest?”

“I have an idea.” You tug on his hand a few stores down. “You should get him a whole new outfit. He’s always telling you how much he loves your style!”

“Yeah, that would be cool.” He smiles. “See, this is why I needed your help! You’re good with this stuff!”

“Come on!”

Excitedly, the two of you begin picking out clothes you both like and that you think V will love. Eventually you come up with a handful of shirts, trousers, jackets and shoes.

“Okay, now we gotta put them into outfits and choose which one we like the best.” Jungkook dumps the clothes on a seating area, the mall is quiet today. Most people are at work or college on a weekday, leaving the seating areas open to have clothes dumped upon.

“Kook, you can’t choose like this. You need to try them on. You guys are like the same size.”

“Ah, really?” He groans. “I’m too hungry for this.”

“We’ll get food after this.” You pick up the clothes and shove them into his chest. “Go.” You nod to the changing rooms.

He carries the items to the changing rooms, you follow along behind, letting your hand feel the mens clothes hung up on the racks as you pass.

“Hey, uh, got a few items here.” Jungkook shrugs to the college aged boy behind the changing room desk.

The guy barely looks up from his phone as he nods Jungkook down the hallway to the changing rooms. You stay behind, pulling out your phone.

{13:23pm} nina bean!: Hey?! How’s it going ;) x

{13:35pm} y/n: Fine lol, I don’t know what you think is happening at the MALL x

You wait for her reply, your eyes falling to the ground by the desk, where a crumpled up t-shirt lies. You stoop forward to pick it up, and it’s only your favourite choice out of all the options. There’s no way he’s not trying this one on. The man behind the counter pays no attention as you start down the hallway, the t-shirt in your grasp.

“Jungkook.” You whisper.

Finally, he answers you from the end of the corridor. “Yeah?”

You pull open the curtain and gasp.

“Jesus, Y/N!” Jungkook scrambles to pull any pair of trousers over his bare legs as he stands in his boxers.

“You said yeah!” You step inside the changing cubicle with him, for a reason you can’t think of, closing the curtain behind you from the inside.

“Yeah doesn’t mean ‘whip open the curtain for anyone to see!’” He sits down on the small bench.

“Oh chill out, there’s literally no one here today.” You hold up the shirt, standing in front of him. “You dropped this.”

He takes the shirt, opening it up to inspect it with large curiosity. His cheeks crimson. You chuckle quietly. “You know, you’ll have to get used to me seeing you naked right?”

His eyebrows flick upwards as he hides a shy smile. “Right.”

It seems awkward Jungkook has returned. Unbeknownst to you, the idea of being intimate with you already sent his heart rate through the roof. Realising the idea goes beyond hypothetical advances and flirtatious jokes was enough give Jungkook a heart attack.

It was only then that the thought occurred to you, maybe you had wanted this kind of relationship with him for a long time, and maybe he had too.

As you ponder this revelation, your eyes drop to a new piece of art on his shoulder.

“Hey.” Your fingers reach out before you can stop them, brushing the inked skin. “You got a new tattoo?”

He shivers under your touch, staring up at you, as if he doesn’t know what you’ll do next. His fingers reach out, before he can stop them, and pull you closer by your jean belt hoop. “Like it?”

“Love it.” You whisper, drawing around the outline with your nail. He hisses.

You clear your throat and back off. “I’ll be outside when you’re done.”

Jungkook stands up, keeping the close proximity as he backs you into the wall of the cubicle. “Promise me something, Y/N.” He murmurs, tracing your jawline with his finger.

“What, kook?”

“I’ll always have you. No matter what.”

“Of course cringe ball.” You whisper.

He smiles then, relieving some of the tension in the air. His smile is infectious, you giggle back at him. When he looks at your lips, his smile fades, and your heart pounds in your ears. You can hear his shaky breath as he leans in, so slowly that it’s almost unnoticeable. Painfully slow. He stops, a hair away from your lips as they part.

“Kook-” You murmur.

At the sound of his nickname he wastes no more time. Bringing his lips to yours eagerly, one hand caressing your jaw whilst other rests above your hip. The kiss is passionate, his thigh pokes in between yours in an attempt to get as close to you as possible. You grant access to his tongue as it shyly asks for permission against your teeth. The feeling of your tongue against his seems to spur him on. He whimpers into your mouth, pressing his crotch against yours. You catch your breath as his mouth leaves yours, only to trail kisses along your jaw and down your neck. “Kook...” You moan softly as he moves your top strap and sucks on your collarbone.

“Mmm?” He moves back to your mouth, kissing you deeply.

“We have to...choose...an outfit...” You breath in between kisses.

“Mmm, I know.” He pulls away from your lips, touching them with his finger. Then he steps back and grabs an outfit, including the t-shirt you chose. “I’ve chosen.”

“Did you try them on?”

“All except this.” He pulls the shirt over his head and looks in the mirror. “It’s fine. It’ll fit.” He pulls it back off and smirks when he catches you staring. He leans forward and kisses you on the nose. “Let’s go eat.”

You pick up the discarded clothes to return and he starts to help you. “That was hot.” He throws a smile in your direction.

“Don’t tell me you’ve got a kink for public places I didn’t know about?” You raise an eyebrow.

“I guess you’ll find out all about my kinks.” He winks, pulling open the curtain.

As you both leave the store with outfit for Taehyung, you check your phone.

{13:40pm} nina bean!: You tell me ;) x

Something tells you, you will.

After a full day of classes on Thursday, you and Nina meet and walk home together. She’s completely invested in your friendly sexual adventures, but decides to broach a different type of question.

“Did you always know you wanted Jungkook?”

“I didn’t always want him.” You correct her. “I always knew he was cute...well, more than cute, but who didn't? He’s been a great friend to me since we met...we’re just helping each other out.”

“Y/N, you just made out with your best friend, who was TOPLESS, let’s not forget. IN A CHANGING ROOM STALL. You’re telling me there was no spark? No passion? No...”

“I didn’t say that.” You hide a smirk as Nina squeals beside you, tugging your arm.

“Oh yes! I can’t wait till you start dating. I can FINALLY double date with my bestie. There’s so many couples date ideas I want to try out with the four of us-”

“Who said I want to be in a couple?!” You gesture wildly.

“Well what DO you say, Y/N? You just admitted that there was a spark.”

“There can be a spark in my situation.” You protest. “It passionate because it’s fun. I think he’s hot, he thinks I’m hot. We’re already comfortable with each other. It’s the perfect match.”

“Perfect match.” Nina pokes you.

“Nina! Are you not familiar with the term ‘FRIENDS with benefits’?”

“Yes, I am familiar.” Nina snaps. “Very familiar, actually.”

“Oh?” You raise an eyebrow. It was a rare occurrence that you found something out about Nina that you didn’t already know.

“Oh, indeed.” She nods. “It was a disaster. I fell for him stupidly fast, and then he told me he was getting back with his ex and that was that. He’d been thinking of HER the entire time. Point is, it’s better to stick to the generic way of dating in this day and age, so you KNOW where his head is at. Trust me.”

“Yeah well, Jungkook is my best friend, he’s not thinking of anyone.” You tell her.

“I know!” She nods. “Sorry. I don’t want to worry you. I just want you to be happy, like I am.”

“I am perfectly happy with my current relationship with Jungkook.” You reassure her.

She smiles, her eyes lighting up once the two of you reach your accommodation. “V!” She exclaims.

“Hey!” V holds a small bunch of flowers as he wraps his arms around his girlfriend.

“What’s this? I thought I wasn’t seeing you until your party.” Nina blinks up at him.

“Yeah, about that. I wanted an afternoon with my girl before we get shit faced drunk with our friends. I’m taking you out to dinner.”

“V, you’re so cute!” Nina gasps. “I’m suppose to be spoiling you this week!”

“Hey, Y/N!” V ruffles your hair. “Mind if I steal your roommate?”

“Not at all.” You laugh.

“Oh, V, I’m not exactly ready for a dinner date.” Nina cups her own cheeks self consciously.

“You’re gorgeous.” He taps her nose. “Don’t be silly.”

Nina turns to you with the flowers in her grasp. “Can you put these in some water for me?”

“Sure.” You smile.

You watch them skip away, thoughts swirling. You couldn’t imagine Jungkook making a gesture like that. To another girl, yes, but to you?

Who knows what you wanted anymore.

After dropping your bag on your bedroom floor, you decide to take a long hot shower. You step out to see a flash on your phone. 4 memes from Jungkook.

{16:44} y/n: thanks for the meme spam :’)

{16:45} jungkook: I should probably stop sitting in my towel scrolling through memes and get dressed lol I'm so relatable

{16:45} y/n: LMAO I’M DOING THE SAME THING RN

{16:45} jungkook: proof

Here comes that excitement in your stomach again, who cares if you weren’t in a proper relationship? Who cares if Jungkook’s feelings weren’t as intense as yours? Your relationship now was exhilarating.

You let the towel drop from your body and glance at the mirror, your figure blurry with steam from the glass, but there’s enough to see what he wants to see, whilst leaving more to the imagination.

Snap.

You send the photo and put on a pair of shorts and t-shirt, climbing into bed. The exhaustion of a day full of absorbing information comes crashing down.

{16:48} jungkook: fuck that’s sexy

{16:48} jungkook: wanna see me?

{16:48} y/n: yes please

{jungkook: Attachment 1 image}

You were right. This boy knows how to take nudes. He holds his dick in one hand, the camera settled into selfie mode to show his v line and tense stomach. You gasp quietly at how big he is. He sits on the side of the bath, his towel discarded beside him.

You move your panties aside and start rubbing in slow circles at the sight of him.

{16:50} y/n: i’m touching myself

{16:50} y/n: wow you’re so hard already

{16:50} jungkook: that’s what you do to me baby

{16:51} y/n: i want to send you something else

{16:51} jungkook: ?

You video yourself, sliding your finger up and down your clit, drawing the slick up to your stomach. You send it to him, giddy as a school girl.

{16:52} jungkook: fuck

{16:52} jungkook: stop y/n

You feel your face heat up at his request. Was it too much? You look down at your pussy self consciously.

{16:53} jungkook: Can I come over?

You say yes.

Jungkook’s accommodation is a ten to fifteen walk away. You change into a thin vest top and sexier gym shorts despite the cold weather. You stand in front of the mirror, overthinking as per usual. Was it too try hard? He’s seen you in what you normally wear to chill and snack in after a day of classes, this was clearly for him.

But you kind of liked that.

hi!!!! this is my first time writing in about 5 years o.O thanks for reading!!! i’m weak for best friend jungkook imagines so I thought i’d try and make one. LEMME KNOW IF YOU WANT A PART 2.

#jungkook imagine #BTS imagine #jungkook drabble #jungkook reaction #BTS reaction #BTS drabble #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fic #jungkook fwb #jungkook best friend au #jungkook au #bts au #jungkook #jeon jungkook

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

Text

Journal Entries of Bipolar sh*t compiled to Show the Mind of Someone with BP:

[Entries from my mood journals:]

TW: Mental Health

These entries are personal, I wrote them as I was going through whatever I end up writing about, I took out any personal details so it reads like ANON.

[Next]

Energy Levels:

July 15th 2020:

Questionable levels of energy. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 6pm. Just really tired, I feel just,,,, exhausted in an empty almost depressive kind of way. Could a depressive episode be looming on the horizon? Conversely, however, my energy has been pretty high the last three-four days at least. I’ve been somewhat motivated, getting work done, and also having major problems with insomnia that really kind of came out of nowhere. That’s why I couldn’t fall asleep until 9am last night. (Though my time blindness when doing things I enjoy certainly doesn’t help.)

July 16th 2020:

(went to bed at 9am, awoke at 7pm)

Another feeling of low energy. I’d rate it about 3.5/10 (5 being normal.) Mood wise, I'm in a rather neutral mood, though I’m starting to worry that it’s getting more and more apathetic. (Especially when I’m dehydrated.)

Executive dysfunction is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me to do things, I kinda want to curl into a ball and do nothing for great periods of time. I find it hard to really be motivated or to make myself WANT to look nice when I see my friend tomorrow. It’s actually kind of worrying, but my overall mood (as I said) is still pretty neutral.

July 17th, 2020: A solid 3/10

(Bed @ 7/8-ish am. Woke at 1:09pm to go to a friend’s.)

I just feel tired and kinda zen, not gonna lie. Like relaxed and ready to slip into unconsciousness at any moment. Not necessarily as apathetic as yesterday, but that could be because I am around my good friend, and being around my good friends makes me happy, distracted, and more energized, even with barely any sleep.

July 18th 2020:

Bed time: Close to 11:30 pm Wake Up: Close to 9am. (Like 8:40 am or something)

A solid 2.2/10

I’ve had low energy for a bit now and I know it’s starting to roll into my apathetic depressions. Today [friend] wanted me to go to the gym/pool with [them] and I was REALLY not feeling it, but [they] were gungho for it and were talking about it like it was already going to be a done-deal. This kinda soured me because I really do not want to move around much when I’m like this and I ESPECIALLY did not want to go to the pool— I knew I’d be the only one in the pool, alone, because I didn’t bring shoes so I either had to wait horrendously by myself in the locker room or pool it out alone until someone joined me after their workout.

I DID feel great when I stepped into that lukewarm shower before having to get into the pool, but like, WOAH MAN, I got super apathetic, I contemplated just staying in the shower for an hour and like hOO wow. Not great. 0/10 would not recommend.

I did actually enjoy the pool though and after about 15 minutes of [friend] joining me I began to go back to a more neutral state of mind, so that was good.

When we went to the mall it was fun too, but for some reason (I can’t even explain why) I hit a low— low, and started to second-guess everything (even my friendship with them) and wondered if I should never talk or see them ever again from then on. It was really melodramatic and I don’t even know why I thought about it for a minute there. After a few minutes I was snapped back to normal by hanging out with my friends and then I was kinda okay again.

Emotionally (when I’m not feeling low energy/apathetic/empty AF) I feel on the verge of just breaking down into tears and laughing like a maniac.

July 24th

Bed: 9pm-ish Woke: 5am

Energy: 4-ish (Maybe even a bit more of a 3.5 rn)

These last few days have been a blur tbh. I went on a webtoon-reading, what-music-was-I-listening-to-in-middle-school binge these last couple of days and so I remember not much. The hyper focus really had me there lol.

July 28th 2020:

Bed: 1:15 am Woke: 6:30 am

Mood: When I was awake earlier and reading, about a 3. RIGHT NOW??? 1.5/10 and quickly approaching a meltdown.

I am SO SO tired and almost about to have an emotional breakdown for no reason. I have no idea where this is coming from but I am going to tuck into bed and disappear from existence because I need to sleep for 19hrs or I WILL throw a fit.

**Some notes for July 28th. I tried to sleep at 7/8pm because I felt an incoming meltdown. But then I was suddenly wide awake? Like my energy was at a 7 while my mood was at a 0.5. Basically, not fun, would never repeat again.

July 31st, 2020:

Bed: Around midnight/1 am woke: 3pm.

Energy: 4/10

I don’t know why I slept for so long, but I def. could have slept longer. In fact most of the day I felt kind of bleh.

Not terrible enough to lie down but also not normal-normal.

August 26th, 2020:

Woke: 7pm Slept: 9/10am

Mood: 4.5/10

In general I’ve felt fine. Not as exhausted, and definitely in a good mood. Maybe it’s because I’m purposefully taking it easy while still trying to accomplish the small things. Ahhhh I feel so accomplished, yo!!!

But just as a general warning, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stay optimistic. (Hopefully for a long time.) I just feel the depressive episode on the horizon. For now, I’m doing self care so that I can fight it off, but hopefully it won’t be “only a matter of time.”

Thursday — September 17th, 2020:

Slept: 1am woke: 7:30am

Mood: 5/10 ENERGY: 2.5/10

Though I’m in a pretty genial mood, I just feel so tired. Which makes no sense because yesterday I woke up at like 7pm and went to bed at 1am. So WHAT TF bro. I’ve just been lying in my bed all day because that’s like the only way I feel somewhat decent.

Kinda want to take a nap but I know that’ll do me absolutely no good whatsoever, so I’m gonna stay awake and try to be as productive as I can be when I’m lying down in a horizontal position.

[Journal Entry]

“Saturday: October 10th, 2020 — Around Night

Right now I feel invincible. Like I can write and capture that perfect melody. Pen to paper. Pencil to sketchbook. For this moment, just right now, I feel as if I could do anything, and that makes me so, so, happy.

Today is a happy day, which is made funnier or perhaps more ironic by the fact that I didn’t even want to wake up today. [Which I did, begrudgingly, at 6pm-ish.]

The tides really do come and go. So never feel too down. At some point you’ll feel like this again. The cogs keep turning and life goes on.

Mood: 10/10 Energy: 10/10.”

[End quote]

...

“October 13th, 2020 — Tuesday, 10:45 AM.

So many thoughts have taken travels in my hand. Today I feel invincible again. Much like I did in the last entry. I have been an unfortunate disappointment to my family, though. My energy, motivation, and time has been entangled lately. Entangled deep into my mind, my media, and the interests I partake in: The Void ™.

Therefore I haven’t been of much help, entertainment, or enjoyment for my loved ones. Last Sunday our relatives gathered at our house to celebrate [my brother's] birthday. Yet I stayed in bed. I did not celebrate with them, and ignored their asks of me. I’m quite disappointed in myself for being this way. I can only strive to be better. I may not have been energetic or involved these last few days, but I feel much better now that I’ve gotten rest.

Though I’ll always be fighting with that void that distracts and captures my attentions, I won’t let these strings choke me.” [End Quote]

…

October 18th 2020:

Slept: 10am Woke: 4am

Mood:2.5/10. Energy:2/10

I just feel very anxious (like pit of nervous energy going 100mph in my stomach) anxious. I’m gonna try and nap the wired energy off cause it’s making me panicked

[Journal Entry]

“October 18th, 2020 — Sunday, 3:46 AM

I’ve gone and slept all of saturday. But hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule. I’m also (not quite anxious, but I know the tension is there, rising, ready to explode on the horizon. Already it’s October 18th, and yet it feels as if I’ve accomplished nothing. And perhaps I haven’t.”

[End quote]

…

“October 24th, 2020 — Saturday, 9:55 PM.

At the beginning of this page I felt indescribable emotion fill me. Everything was pointless. I’d forgotten how to fly and instead remembered how to nap. For a singular moment I wanted to sleep into nonexistence. I wanted to cry, too. But mostly, I was just tired. I could do nothing but sit and want to sleep, and I had not even the strength or energy to loathe myself for this. So I decided to scrapbook instead and then maybe sleep after I’d written all this leak in me from pen to paper. But in the (time it) took for me to design the page I fell out of my emotional range. Instead I felt calm. Pacified. Silly, isn’t it? I’m supposed to edit today and tomorrow, but I’ve let today slip away.

I’ve also eaten too much again. I feel sick. Like I’m eating as much as I can before a hibernation. Does my body feel a depressive episode coming before I do? Is that it? Or is my overeating and lack of control leading me into a spiral? I shouldn’t be feeling like this. So much anxious, emotional energy. I’m wired as shit and I hate this jittery-ness.

It’s suffocating. Like a snake’s wrapped itself over me and keeps constricting, tighter, and tighter, and tighter, till there’s nothing left.”

[End of entry]

…

“November 10, 2020 — Tuesday

Pros: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.

Cons: I watched lupinranger like 3 times in the span of 3 days.”

[End Quote]

[Around 3 month time skip]

[Sunday, February 28th, 2021 — 2:04 AM]

“I’m treading water. Another month passes. Hopefully I’ll make all I can of this last day. I walked some, but I still haven’t reached my desired destination. Guess I have no choice but to keep going! Everything has a time. I can only continue trying. That’s all I can do. To quit is to have nothing for myself, not even dreams. ‘Being confident that he who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.’ (-Something Phillipians.)

I dream of many things. I pray that March gives me what I need. Please be here with me, hold my hand in these times and keep me close in your thoughts. I’m trying. I’m always trying. Day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute. I can’t do this alone. (I wish I could.) My brain is so easily distracted and it’s hard to get by even doing things I joy. I wish I had something that could force me to function. All I have is myself.

One day I won’t just be writing dreams with no evidence. Every step is part of the journey (even if it doesn’t feel like it.) So thank you for walking with me. I don’t have the strength to do this alone. Please, please hold my hand through the anxieties and whisper that it’ll be alright. I’m blindfolded, and I’m walking on a tightrope, and I need you to tell me when and how to jump so that I’ll land in the net. I’m blind but I’m listening. September 30th feels a lightyear away. It’s hard to forget the lack when you’re faced with it everyday. And I’m unsure. Please tell me that it’s worth it. Please. Please help me. Please. Please lead me. Please help me.”

[End of entry.]

Part: [1], [2], [3], [4]

This is the first part of the journal entries, I'll be uploading another compilation after each newly posted PPT essay.

Bipolar PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

Visuals of depressive episodes: (1), (2)

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3)

[Next]

#here y'all go #now after this I'll liveblog more revice <33 #my thougts #manic depression #bipolaire #actually bipolar #fvcking moodswings ⚡️✌️#journal #diaryposting #online diary #writing #good source for peeps who want to write a Bipolar character #neurodiversity #neurodivergencies

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#10)

S3 E10: Down By Law.

Episode Description: Dr. Manning sustains an injury while helping a drive-by victim and Dr. Rhodes finds himself in uncomfortable waters.

Connor being in ‘uncomfortable waters’? I can hear Ava bullying him already.

(also i wrote a little thing abt maggie giving ava a red bull so enjoy that little bit of content)

Let’s get into it.

-barry just yeeted natalie against a car holy shit that’s fucking hilarious

-will needs to chill the fuck out

-YESSSSS

-THIS WHERE CONNOR BRINGS THE WOMAN HE WENT OUT WITH UP FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. AND THEN AVA HARASSES HIM FOR IT.

-this is one of the most iconic ava moments. (it’s first thing that pops up under the tumblr tag)

-ava overhearing connor not knowing his date’s last name. and ava walking over, already getting ready to make fun of him. barely concealing her smile

-the confidence with which she set down the file. she was too prepared and too excited

-this could just turn into a list of ava quotes

-”It must be hard, remembering all their names.”

“You know I read Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is... It’s much classier.”

-ava bekker secret baseball fan?

-Connor: “Jeter? You a baseball fan?”

Ava: “Oh, no. It’s much too boring. But I love gossip.”

-interesting. very, interesting... is it weird to anyone else to think about ava liking gossip?

-like the idea is fun and all but i hate the idea of ava being suuuper obsessed with gossip. it makes her seem way too shallow in my book. that being said, one of my hcs about women gossiping about all the shit men do to ava bc they know she’ll call them on it now has a lot more precedence

-i know she explicitly says that baseball is boring but i can’t get the idea of ava being a secret baseball fan out of my head. its just so novel

-HER SHIT EATING GRIN

- Connor: “Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible.”

Ava: “That’s what Dr. Rhodes is renowned for around here. Quick in and outs.”

Connor: *turns to her condescendingly*

Ava: *two finger salute* “I’m Dr. Bekker, by the way.”

-the lesbian icon jumped out

-also the fact that in the previous episode Ava’s mentor did the exact same salute. idk what it means but it’s not that important

-ava trying to hide her smile when asking the woman if she wanted them to contact her husband

-ava overhearing again when latham tells connor the woman he was with was doing cocaine

-ava smirking when connor says that he thinks the heart attack was from his sex and not the cocaine

-connor thinking he’s so good at sex he’s going to give this woman a heart attack

-he really drives All the ladies wild in EveryWay (sex, suicide. he’s the whole package)

-latham asking connor point blank “did you partake in the cocaine?”

-the ct team gives connor so. much. shit. it’s so funny

-also. ava just chillin at her desk looking at scans? that’s the kind of content i want to see. just her just being there. doing her own thing. that’s what i want

-THE GUY WITH A TEENAGE WIFE IS A REVEREND HOLY SHIT

-counting down the minutes til natalie drops dead (passes out but yk a girl can dream lol)

-sarah. back at it again with her rayon jacket and button up and backpack. the coffee cup only adds to the aesthetic

-connor being surprised that latham isn’t gonna let him do surgery on the women he fucked (twice, he might add)

- whatever you do, don’t think of a brown bear. are you thinking about it?

-maggie dealing red bull to people who need it. that’s a very soft idea

- ex:

Dr. Bekker is sitting at the desk in the ED. Well, sleeping, more like it. Her head is resting on her fist, her elbow precariously close to slipping off the the chair armrest, and her eyes open by just a hair.

“Dr. Bekker.”

Ava jolts awake.

“Maggie,” Ava says, strong accent cutting through, acknowledging the person standing over her. Hastily, she adjusts her jacket and scrubs, smoothing them back into place.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tired.”

Ava shrugs, seamlessly slipping back into easy confidence.

“Rough couple of cases. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Uh huh,” Maggie says, unbelieving.

She sets a can of Red Bull on the desk with a knowing look.

“You need this more than anybody.”

Ava scoffs. “Those things? They are murder on your heart, come on.”

Maggie hums and walks away. Ava watches her leave, and when she’s out of sight, Ava darts forward, grabs the energy drink, immediately cracking it open and downing half of it.

- anyway.

- @punksarahreese that’s on you for making me believe ava loves energy drinks

- let’s continue

- sarah looking at charles telling her not to do something: I am not going to do a thing you said

- go off babe. it was the wrong decision but go off

- all the nurses watching this guy call nat a bitch: 👀 👀 👀 👀

- will being like: god that guy called you a bitch i fucking hate him

- and natalie being like: he is also refusing to let us treat the 14 yr olds cancer but you obviously have priorities

- sarah is so logical. she’s good at talking to people. can you FUCKING IMAGINE IF SHE HAD BETTER GUIDANCE (oh and less trauma)

- this is also the one with that hilarious screen cap of sarah holding a knife

- the way she is so calm about handing this patient a knife gives me anxiety

- THIS SCENE IS SO HARD TO WATCH IT SCARES ME SO MUCH

- sarah just in alone in a room with a man who keeps having visions of stabbing his wife. and her just handing him a fucking knife oh my god i have too much anxiety for this

- rewatching the series and getting completely confused bc norma is 5′7″ but she looks so short next to colin and the guy who plays latham

- AND RACHEL IS ALSO 5′ 7″ BUT THEY BOTH LOOK SO SHORT - WHY EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO TALL

- anyway. ignore that that’s not important

- I... the parallels btwn sarah offering this guy the ability to slit her throat (for therapy) and ava cutting her throat... i don’t know what to do with this information

- idk but sarah holding the knife got me feelin some type of way

- the way connor looks at ava with such contempt bc she... does her job (and his but yk) especially during the hug wtf dude honestly just stop looking at her

- this is also the episode where ava pawns off the patient’s hug onto connor. while yeah, it could ava just being annoying to connor by forcing him to hug his one night stand’s husband, but she did give connor due credit. (and something to be said about her being confused and a tad uncomfortable when the patient hugs her, which is why she pawns it off to rhodes)

- she also doesn’t hug the guy back, which is kind of funny, she never moves her arms and just shrugs out of it

- and like after the hug she takes a few steps away from the guy, really not wanting any more physical contact or attention

- there’s something interesting in ava’s expression when connor gets hugged by the guy, can’t quite explain it. i’m gonna go with it’s her trying to keep a straight face while connor hugs a man he just helped a woman cheat on, but that’s not all of it so

- or. okay, I think i got it. i think that that little expression when connor gets hugged is her rolling her eyes at him getting credit when ava did most of the heavy lifting. yes. final answer. i’m satisfied

- and her looking away from them is her stopping herself from laughing, bc connor is obviously not enjoying this

- and he’s so sad and angsty he can’t even play along with the jokes

- and ava smiling at him with pity as she walks in to talk to the patient, bc that’s really what it is. she feels bad for him bc connor is so obviously lonely

- and connor’s annoyed bc ‘dammit she does have a right to pity me i suck rn’

- med pushing the women are tough agenda LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- you hate your women characters so much just fucking shut your mouth

- and will being like ‘ i have a lot to learn about women not being objects’

- and nat saying ‘you are way further along than most’ like no, he’s not. the bar is on the ground and he still can’t jump it

- i’m pretty sure this show doesn’t pass the bechdel test. holy fucking shit it doesn’t. you’ve gotta be kidding me. (at least this episode doesn’t)

I can’t believe this episode didn’t pass the bechdel test. The only convo btwn two women were like maggie and sharon and they talk about barry and oh my god this is infuriating god med the bar is so low. And I’m pretty sure most episodes don’t pass the test anyway. Will is literally the representation of med. He gets lots of credit for doing bare minimum things like giving women rights.

Anyway.

This was a good episode. We dissected a lot of unspoken Ava things, which is very good. Ava had a lot of moments where she was there, but didn’t say anything, and when your characters can do that, that’s when you know your characterization is very good.

The moments where Ava isn’t really doing anything to forward the plot of the episode but she’s still just there, doing her own thing, are hands down my favorite. Her sitting at the desk looking at a scan while connor tells latham he didn’t do cocaine could possibly my favorite ava moment in the series, just bc it shows how much of her own character should could’ve been.

I drew an interesting parallel btwn sarah offering the guy to slit her throat and ava’s death. i have nothing for that but go wild

This episode also showed us Ava pitying Connor, another new aspect. she gives him shit but she also pities him. very good ep for little ava moments

as always, thanks for sticking through it

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #ava bekker #med rewatch series #down by law #mine

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bigthighsandstupidguys · 5 years

Text

Thank you to the lovely gems @satans-helper @mountainofthesunn @beautifulcinephile @safarimama @gretavanfic for tagging me! <3

1. What is your middle name?

Raquel

2. How old are you?

27, yes I’m ancient in Tumblr years haha

3. When is your birthday?

Feb. 23

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces sun, Aries rising, Scorpio moon.

5. What is your favourite colour?

dark greenish blue, like dark teal I guess.

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

My kitty cat Padmé....and there’s Obi, too, a younger, misbehaving kitty cat.

8. Where are you from?

Southern Arizona (it’s a dry heat!)

9. How tall are you?

5′1 1⁄4 “(you will pry that fourth of an inch from my cold, dead, hobbit sized hands!) also all y’all are tall af! What gives?

10. What shoe size are you?

7 or 7.5 depends on the style of shoe

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

A reasonable amount, I do believe in having shoes for every occasion.

12. What was your last dream about?

I was trying to pair a body suit with a skirt or something to attend a concert, but then a “race of superior humans” took over everything and well, the concert was no longer a priority.

13. What talents do you have?

I like to think I’m a pretty good dancer...

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have a strong intuition, I think.

15. Favourite song?

Today I am going to say Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty.

16. Favourite movie?

Probably Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone kind and funny. A good human being who’s just trying their best.

18. Do you want children?

I think so, but not for a long, long time.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I got opinions about marriage as an institution...but if I gotta get married I think I’d want it to be somewhere outside.

20. Are you religious?

Not anymore

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Not admitted, just emergency room stuff

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

lol no

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I met an actor from a kid’s soap opera in Mexico once idk his name tho. (and i swear to god I saw Travis Barker from Blink 182 at the San Diego Zoo once, could not confirm tho)

24. Baths or showers?

Showers (but Lush bath bombs are fun and fizzly and smell good)

25. What color socks are you wearing?

barefoot rn

26. Have you ever been famous?

no, but as a toddler my picture was used in a newspaper article lol

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not really, I just want to be able to wear gorgeous gowns and walk down a red carpet and pose haha. And also be interviewed, I pretend I’m interviewed a lot in my head.

28. What type of music do you like?

I listen to a little bit of everything in spanish and english, but mostly pop, rock, soft rock, oldies, r&b, hip hop. Like shoes, there is also a playlist for every occasion.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

NOT YET!

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

four

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my tummy, arms under my head, making a four with my legs (if you know, you know)

32. How big is your house?

big enough

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

an egg dish of some kind.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

nerf gun lol

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but my middle school BF, Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood was really good at that.

36. Favorite clean word?

luscious

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

24 hours i think

39. Do you have any scars?

Oh, ya...thanks Padmé

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not that I know of...

41. Are you a good liar?

Ha! No! My best friend says my voice gets two octaves higher when I’m lying haha

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I believe so, yes.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I mean, I’ve tried to do British, that’s what happens when you grow up watching LOTR, Harry Potter, and Pirates of the Caribbean over and over lol

44. Do you have a strong accent?

My Spanish and English are unaccented, but i’m sure when i travel to other parts of the country they know I’m “not from ‘round these parts.”

45. What is your favourite accent?

One time I heard a man from Holland speak and I’ve never heard an accent as beautiful since. But usually I like New Zealand accents.

46. What is your personality type?

Chill and funny.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Probably my faux leather jacket

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right-handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yeah, especially tarantulas.

52. Favourite food?

Egg rolls

53. Favourite foreign food?

Chinese

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

My personal spaces are messy...there is order in the chaos, though.

55. Most used phrase?

“You guys are bad, bad kitties.”

56. Most used word?

“Ubie” one of the many nicknames for my younger brother.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

about 30 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?

it exists and is a fickle thing

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

suck and then bite when it’s been weakened lol

60. Do you talk to yourself?

oh yeah

61. Do you sing to yourself?

mmhmm

62. Are you a good singer?

no, not really, but that ain’t gonna stop me

63. Biggest Fear?

living an inauthentic, unfulfilling life.

64. Are you a gossip?

I like to listen to tea being spilled, I just really like a good story.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

The Prestige

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I think so

68. Favourite school subject?

History/English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

being thrown into unfamiliar situations

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No (my best friend slept with a night light when we were growing up and it was the worst part of sleeping over, but I weaned her off of it eventually!)

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sure, kindly, the same way I’d like to be corrected.

74. Are you ticklish?

yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yeah, at work. it’s weird, I do not feel like the kind of person who should be in a leadership position. I’ve always thought that was a thing for loud, confident people haha

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?

like weed/edibles lol

79. Who was your first real crush?

Cody in fourth and fifth grade.

80. How many piercings do you have?

seven

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Yes

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast

83. How fast can you run?

Like if I have a good reason to, my ass will sprint fast.

84. What colour is your hair?

It’s naturally a dark brown, but right now the roots are dark and the rest is lighter because i’m a dumbass who wanted rose gold hair

85. What color is your eyes?

dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

I think the combination of avocado and tomato causes some kind of reaction because every time I eat it, my lips feel all tingly and swollen.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I have a lot of journals that I occasionally will write in.

88. What do your parents do?

Their best. lol. My dad is a facilities director and my mom can’t work because of her chronic illnesses. But she was a teacher in Mexico, and worked at all kinds of things here before her health got too bad.

89. Do you like your age?

Sure

90. What makes you angry?

assholes lol people who don’t realize or care about the fact that we’re all on the same damn rock with the same needs.

91. Do you like your own name?

I do, yes.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

haha I really like the name Agustín

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

doesn’t matter

94. What are you strengths?

i’m compassionate and love deeply

95. What are your weaknesses?

i’m compassionate and love deeply lmao jk. It can be difficult to set boundaries

96. How did you get your name?

Named after both my grandmothers, they were quite different women and I think I got some of the best stuff from both.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not likely, probably more like merchants. I’m convinced my mom’s side of the family left Spain because of some shaddy stuff haha or to incest in peace lmao

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, thanks Padmé

99. Colour of your bedspread?

It’s summer so i’m only using a flat sheet right now, it’s purple.

100. Colour of your room?

blue, specifically the shade azure

Tagging: @lazingonsunday @lantern-inthenight @gretavanfleetlife @littlegeekwonder @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @eatmyshiftsticky @jeordinevankiszka @myownparadise96 @michaalien @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @okietrish @thebatphone

#about me #tag game #this was long but fun lol

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