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i-think-i-did-it-again · 1 year

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Jealous

Requested by @noahmaxim (sorry it took so long!)

Warning: swearing, drinking

“Dude, you’re staring,” Rook leans over to whisper to Colson. He turns his head slightly to look at his best friend for a moment before turning his attention back to you. “Why don’t you just go over and say hi?”

The idea of that makes Colson snort and shake his head. He takes a long swig from the glass of tequila in his hand, the familiar burn soothing him in an odd way. He doesn’t want to feel these feelings so getting blind drunk seems like a good idea. Watching you sit on the couch with some random guy, talking and laughing clearly isn’t a good idea because he can feel his blood boiling. His mind is creating multiple scenarios, all of which involve him splitting the guy’s lip open with his fist.

You don’t like feeling like you’re being watched. You check over your shoulder just as Colson turns to head out into the backyard in a huff. Rook gives you a sympathetic smile before following the tall, brooding man. You’re not really sure why he’s been so hostile since you go to his place but it’s starting to give you a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. You feel like he’s scrutinising every little thing you do and you hate it. It’s turning you into a self-conscious mess. You thought it was odd that when you showed up to his house, Colson could barely acknowledge your presence and now he’s watching you like a hawk? The guy is the most confusing person you’ve ever met and it’s driving you insane. You turn your attention back to the man you were talking to and laugh at the joke you half heard.

He’s a nice guy, Frankie, and you’re really enjoying his company but in the back of your mind, all you can do is think about Colson. You find yourself wondering if Colson is thinking about you, that he had to go outside to stop himself from doing something stupid, that he’s watching you because maybe he’s…jealous? The thought makes your stomach flip and your heart begin to race. Then you bring yourself back to reality. Why would Colson be jealous of a guy talking to you? He’s only ever seen you as a friend. Your mind is racing and it’s creating a nervous energy about you that you somehow have to get rid of.

“Hey, do you want to go for a swim in the pool?” you randomly blurt out while Frankie is in the middle of telling a story you weren’t listening to.

“I would but I didn’t bring my bathing suit,” he chuckles with a small smile.

If you weren’t so preoccupied by Colson, you may even be able to focus on how attracted you are to Frankie. He’s tall, ripped build, with chocolate brown eyes, with lashes for days and dark brown curls. He wears a short stubble on the lower half of his face and the hair accentuates the sharp cut of his jawline. Classically handsome but somehow not attractive enough for you. For some reason, you love lanky, foul mouthed guys, with bleach blonde hair, covered with tattoos and ocean blue eyes that you could get lost in for days. Well, at least one man in particular.

“Who needs a bathing suit? It’s LA, live a little!” you grab Frankie by the hand and drag him off the sofa.

When you step out into the backyard, the silence is deafening. Everyone stops talking and just stares at you. You hadn’t even noticed that you were the only two inside the house. All of your friends, including Colson, are sitting around the open firepit now awkwardly sipping their drinks and avoiding eye contact but not wanting to speak to each other. Colson is sitting with his back towards you and you can tell he’s pissed off that you came outside by the slump of his shoulders.

It’s so strange when you walk into a group of people who you know were just talking about you. It’s not a nice feeling by any stretch of the imagination and it kind of makes you wish you’d stayed inside on the sofa. Ashleigh is the first to finally break the uncomfortable silence.

“Hey, I was just about to come in and get you,” she smiles at you but you can see the apology in her eyes.

“That’s ok! Frankie and I were thinking of going for a swim. Does anyone want to join?” you ask the group and a few of the usual suspects perk up.

Rook is the first to begin stripping off his clothes before cannonballing into the water. Baze and Slim join him and Ashleigh and Sophie agree to dangle their feet in from the side. The boys don’t seem to like this idea and Baze tells them that if they don’t get their whole butts in the water, they will be dragged in fully clothed. They don’t like the sound of that so they agree to strip down and they dive into the water.

Frankie smiles at you and leads you to the water’s edge where he begins to remove his sneakers and socks. When he removes his t-shirt, you can’t help but stare at his rippling muscles and abs that adorn his body. You figured there was something impressive underneath his t-shirt but his olive skin seems to make everything that much more pronounced.

Colson watches from his spot by the fire and his hand tightens into a fist again as he watches your admiring Frankie’s body. Part of him wants to get up and kick Frankie out of his house but a stronger part of him is telling him to chill the fuck out. The chill part wins out but only because he’s fairly sure he’s too drunk to stand without stumbling. His self-control wavers again when he spots Frankie ogling your body as you strip down to your bra and panties. He can’t help but stare at you a little longer than a ‘friend’ probably should, finally turning away as you slide your body gracefully into the water.

“Your friend Colson doesn’t seem to like me very much,” Frankie murmurs as he leads you to the deep end.

“Oh he’s fine, he’s just very protective of me. We’ve been friends for forever,” you dismiss Frankie’s concerns with a wave of your hand.

You try to play it cool but inside your stomach is in knots at the idea of Colson caring about you in any way other than a friend. You’ve never really dated before so you’ve never really noticed if Colson cared or not but the fact that even Frankie is picking up on his hostility, leads you to believe that maybe he does.

Frankie and you splash around and chat, off in your own little world, before a couple of the others decide to join you in at the deep end. Colson stays sitting next to the fire and when Rook comes over to talk to Frankie, you take the opportunity to go and talk to him.

He doesn’t look away from the fire as you approach him but Colson can feel in his gut that this is not a conversation he wants to have right now. You sit beside him and snatch the beer from his hand, taking a long swig. He can’t help but roll his eyes about how unperceptive you are. He thought he made it pretty clear that he wanted to be left alone.

“So are you going to sit here like a buzzkill all night or are you going to eventually acknowledge the fact that you have guests?” You ask nonchalantly but your heart is pounding so hard in your chest you can hardly hear your own thoughts.

“Didn’t realise there was going to be extras tonight,” he looks over your shoulder, eyeing Frankie as he makes small talk with all your friends.

“I didn’t think you’d mind considering all the women you’ve brought to my parties and gatherings over the years,” you snort and take another sip of his beer. He snatches the bottle from your hand before you even have a chance to swollow, causing beer to trickle down your chin. “Damn Kells, what the hell is your problem?” you yell as you wipe the beer off with the back of your hand.

“You and your fucking Ken doll boyfriend are my problem!” he yells back before turning on his heels and storming off into the house.

You feel your cheeks redden as you look around and notice everyone’s eyes on you. Frankie grimaces when you look at him and you feel so embarrassed that it enrages you. You decide in that split second that if Colson has a problem, he better damn well spit it out now or keep his mouth shut.

You stalk off into the house, roughly pulling your jeans and t-shirt on, in search of his dumbass. You call his name as you go from room to room but come up empty. You figure that he’s probably gone to his room and you stand at the bottom of the stairs contemplating whether or not to follow him or not. The thumping around you did kind of caused you to blow off some steam and now you’re not nearly as mad. Then you remember the way he dissed Frankie in front of everyone and your anger returns. You storm up that staircase like a bat out of hell.

Colson sits on the floor at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. He can hear Rook’s voice in the back of his mind telling him earlier in the evening to keep his cool and not blow up at you but he snapped. All he wants to do is tell you how he feels but every time he works up the courage something gets in the way. Usually it’s his career or Cassie so he kind of got used to you always being there in the background. He forgot about the chance that you might meet someone and he would miss his chance. You’ve dated occasionally in the past but it’s just been a date here and there. You’ve never brought a guy that you’re seeing over to meet your friends and the fact that you’ve brought Frankie absolutely terrifies him. Colson tries to shake off the fear and drags himself off the floor. He decides to take a shower in the hopes that by the time he’s done, you’ve already skipped out and taken your boy toy with you.

You stand outside his door, unsure of whether to knock or just storm in. If you really want to convey the anger you’re feeling, you decide practically kicking the door down is the best way to get your point across. You fling the door open so hard that it slams into the wall behind it and you can hear the sound of drywall breaking but that’s not what takes your breath away. Standing in front of you, with nothing on but a towel flung over his shoulder, is a very confused and pissed off Colson.

“Shit, sorry,” you screw your eyes closed and fumble around for the door handle before swinging the door shut behind you.

Your whole body feels like it’s on fire but you’re not sure if that’s from embarrassment or arousal at seeing Colson completely naked for the first time. Your heart is thumping in your chest and your breathing is fast and laboured. You lean back against the wall to try and get your bearings. You close your eyes and immediately open them as a flash of Colson’s tattooed skin invades your mind. You bite your bottom lip to keep from groaning out loud as your mind continues to betray you with images of his body. All of his body.

“What the fuck Y/N?” Colson spits at you from the doorway of his bedroom.

You hadn’t even realised the door had opened again until Colson’s enraged voice pierces your ears. You look up at his darkened eyes and flared nostrils. His teeth are gritted and you’re fairly sure you can see steam coming out of his ears. He looks like a bull before a fight and your mind and body immediately considers possible escape routes to avoid the world’s most uncomfortable conversation.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to be naked,” you quickly explain as you try to stop your mind from remembering.

You feel your cheeks heat and a knot begins to form in the pit of your stomach. It’s an overwhelming feeling that you definitely didn’t expect. You knew you found Colson attractive, you just didn’t expect the intense sexual attraction you’re currently feeling. It’s making it very difficult for you to concentrate. All your mind wants to do is create different scenarios in which you kiss every inch of Colson’s body, feeling him on top of you, listen to him moan your name as he climaxes.

You shake your head and take a deep breath to clear your mind of any inappropriate thoughts. At the end of the day, he’s one of your closest friends and you would hate to ruin any friendship you have by creating some strange, sexual tension. Right now, you just have to focus on ignoring the fact that Colson is now only wearing a towel around his waist, low on his waist, and that he currently looks like he wants to murder you.

“Maybe if you tried knocking, you would get such a shock!” he grits his teeth as if the words are painful to him.

“Well, I actually barged in because I was pissed about how rude you were to me, for no fucking reason and-”

“No fucking reason? Are you insane or blind? Or maybe you’re both!”

“What in god’s name are you talking about?” you throw your hands up in exasperation, feeling like you two are having completely different conversations at the same time.

Before you can stop him, Colson is dragging you into his bedroom by the wrist, kicking the door shut behind him. He twists you around so your back is pressed against the closed door and suddenly his lips are on yours. All of your senses are consumed by the feeling of his lips on yours. You can taste the beer and weed on his tongue, smell his cologne mixed with the smoke of the bonfire, feel his hot flesh beneath your fingertips as you graze your hands over his biceps. Your animalistic needs take over and you find yourself breathless and needy for all of him. You feel weightless and heavy at the same time. Every rational thought has escaped you. All there is is him.

Then as quickly as it began, it was over. Colson pulls away from your lips but rests his forehead on yours.

“Seeing you with another guy may actually be the end of me,” he whispers and your skin erupts in goosebumps, both at his words and the feeling of his hot breath against your face.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you tell him honestly.

“I don’t want you to say anything. I don’t want anything to ruin this bubble that I’m in. We can just pretend that nothing else matters right now and that we’re just here, together.”

You stay like that for a little while longer. Just holding each other up, feeling each other, listening to each deep breath, watching the rise and fall of the other’s chest. If you could, you would stay in that moment forever with him. While he holds you, your mind is silent. There’s no intruding thoughts of his naked body, no reminder of the great guy waiting downstairs for you. Everything else has stopped and for now, it’s just the two of you.

“Stay with me?” Colson begs as you begin to pull away from him.

“Kells, I-” you begin but he instantly cuts you off.

“Just one night with you, that’s all I need to get it out of my system. Then we can go back to exactly how it was, just friends. All I’m asking for is one night.”

You sigh but something in the way he watches you makes you nod before you can really think about what you’re agreeing to. You both know that things will never go back to the way they used to be, yet somehow you’re ok with that.

Colson pulls you to his large ensuite with him and drops his towel. Your immediate reaction is to turn away but you resist your instincts. He watches you, waiting for your reaction. You let your eyes roam his body freely now. You notice tattoos you’d never really paid attention to before, you notice the way his torso is more defined than you’d expected, you notice the way his chest rises and falls rapidly as take him in. Your eyes continue to drop until you’re finally focusing on the one thing you’d been trying to avoid 10 minutes ago.

His large erection makes you half choke on your own breath. The idea of getting it inside of you without causing serious damage seems impossible but it thrills you at the same time. You bite your bottom lip as you drink in all his male glory. It kind of satisfies your curiosity to know all the rumours about his well endowment are true.

“Now you,” he breathes as he watches you.

You bite your lip again but follow his instruction. You lift your t-shirt over your head and drop it to the floor beside you, your jeans following closely behind. You stand there in nothing but your wet bra and panties as you try to contain your nervousness. You reach around to your bra but Colson grabs your wrist to stop you.

“Let me,” he instructs you and you stand still for him, holding your breath.

He grabs the hook of your bra and unclasps it without any issue. He slides the straps down your arms before letting the bra fall to the floor. He drinks in the sight of your breasts. He runs a long slender finger down the valley of your breasts before lightly tracing your nipples. Your breathing is completely erratic, your chest rising and falling rapidly.

He leans down and kisses along the ridge of your collarbone to the curve of your breasts, taking his time to slowly tease your skin. He envelops you left nipple in his mouth and you gasp sharply. You feel his lips pull into a smirk. He uses his thumb and forefinger to tweak your right nipple as he sucks, nips and licks on your breast and nipple. Your insides quiver under the seductive assault.

Colson isn’t sure how much longer he can tease you. He’s waited what feels like years to finally have you melting under his skilled fingers and wicked mouth. He wants to savour every moment but he also doesn’t want to give you the chance to change your mind. He also is aware of all of your friends and Frankie downstairs, who could interrupt at any moment. Finally having you half naked, your taut nipple in his mouth, moaning and clawing your fingers through his hair, is muddying his rational thoughts. When he feels as though he is teasing himself more than you, he finally pulls away. Your skin is flushed, your hair is dripping wet, dishevelled and your eyes are wild but to Colson, you’ve never looked more beautiful.

He grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the shower with him, flicking the water on, and holding you under the shower head. You gasp as cold water hits you, slowly warming to a comfortable temperature. In an instant his mouth is on yours and your back is pushed against the cold tiles of the wall. Colson grabs your thigh and lifts your leg to rest against his hip. He grinds into you in a delicious rhythm of friction and possessiveness. You wrap your arms around his neck and hold him against you as he kisses your cheeks, your jawline, your neck. He sucks and bites every piece of flesh he can get his mouth to and you know by the frantic way he moves that he’s marking you.

“Colson…I need you,” you beg as he sucks your nipple again.

He growls against your skin in approval before pulling away to study the apex of your thighs. He pushes his hand between the two of you and grazes against your clitoris. You gasp and moan at the same time. You’ve never been this turned on by a man before. Every touch elicits an involuntary movement or sound. You’re putty in his hands, ready to be pleasured and used in any way he sees fit.

Colson grabs his erection firmly in his hand and lines the tip up to you. In one quick thrust, he pushes himself inside you and you cry out at the fullness you feel. You can feel every ridge, every vein of him inside you. He twitches and flexes and you shiver with excitement. E kisses you again, softly this time, running his fingers gently through your hair. When he moves, it’s slow and deliberate and you keel with pleasure. You try to move your hips to increase the friction but he simply grabs your thighs so you have to wrap your legs around him, giving him all of the control as he holds you up against the wall.

Colson wants to remember every moment he has with you as he’s not sure he’ll ever have you again after this night. He wants to remember the feel of your nails scraping down his back, the sound of your moans, the way you whisper his name, the feel of your tightness and warmth around his dick. He wants to make you so desperate for your release that you feel like it’ll never come. The pleasure he gives you will make you wish it never has to end. He reaches down and rubs tight circles on your clit, causing you to cry out.

“Yeah, that’s it baby, scream for me. Tell me how much you love it,” he demands against your ear and you whimper, all words escaping you. “Tell me,” he growls before nipping your earlobe.

“Colson, I love it so much. I don’t ever want you to stop. I want to cum so hard for you,” you moan and throw your head back, wave after wave of pleasure building inside of you.

“Good girl,” he praises and before you can respond he begins to pound into you with unimaginable speed. His finger works harder and faster against your clit and before you can catch your breath, the biggest orgasm you’ve had breaks through you.

You scream and quiver against his body as he continues his pace. You’re not even sure how he can move that quickly and hold you up at the same time. His thrusts begin to feel sloppy and out of rhythm and suddenly he’s calling out your name and slams into you one last time before collapsing against your shoulder. His breathing is thick and unsteady against your neck and you stroke your fingers through his hair tenderly.

You feel yourself finally coming down from your own high as Colson holds you. He gently places you down and you wobble slightly as you regain your footing. Colson washes your skin tenderly with a washcloth and coconut scented soap. Neither of you says anything and you’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Once Colson has finished cleaning you, you rinse yourself and return the favour. You’re slightly embarrassed as you notice the scratch marks you left down his back and you run the cloth over them as gently as possible.

Once you are both clean, Colson shuts the water off and steps out to grab you each a large fluffy towel. It’s now glaringly obvious to you that the silence is not a good thing and your chest begins to feel heavy. Colson can barely make eye contact with you and his whole demeanour is tense, like he can’t wait for you to leave. You eye your wet bra and panties on the floor and grimace at the idea of having to put them back on. Seeing your dismay, Colson finally speaks.

“Wait here,” he mumbles before disappearing into his bedroom.

He returns a few moments later with a pair of clean black boxers and an oversize black t-shirt. He hands them to you and you mutter a thank you before slipping into the briefs. The large t-shirt hides the fact that you’re not wearing a bra and you’re grateful for that. You feel somewhat naked without a bra and you know that if you feel uncomfortable, your friends will notice and wonder why. You slip your jeans, which is kind of pointless considering Colson’s tee is basically a dress on you, and check your appearance in the large bathroom mirror. You run your fingers gently through your hair to calm the frizz and you rub away the small smear of mascara from under your eyes. You feel somewhat more confident now that you’re dressed and your appearance is somewhat back to normal. You move to leave as Colson dresses himself in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie when you hear his small voice behind you.

“Don’t leave,” he whispers and you stop in your tracks. You turn around and he is watching you with the most heartbreaking expression on his face.

“What did you say?” you ask feeling dumb because you heard exactly what he said, you just don’t believe it.

“Don’t leave,” he repeats again. “Please don’t go back downstairs to him. Stay here with me.”

The defeated look on his face is physically painful to you. You don’t really know what to say but you want to say something to make him feel better, anything. Maybe he didn’t mean to say it? Maybe he just feels uncomfortable that what you just did may have completely ruined your friendship forever and he’s regretting it or he’s trying to save it by pretending everything is normal. Either way, you feel an anxiety rising in you that is so overwhelming you may just burst into tears right in front of him. You feel that usual heat in your neck and face that you get when you’re upset. Your eyes begin to feel with tears that you’re desperately trying to hold back. You feel utter embarrassment that Colson is seeing you this vulnerable.

“I…I don’t want to hurt you, Colson,” you say barely above a whisper. He moves towards you, his arms out in comfort but you step back. You see a flash of hurt across his face but in an instant it’s gone. “I just…I don’t want you to feel obligated to me. What we did was-” your voice breaks and you have to take a deep breath to steady yourself. “What just happened was a-amazing and I’ve never experienced an orgasm like that, ever. But I don’t want you to feel you have to make this into more than it is for my sake. I’m ok with it just being a one time thing.”

You look down at your feet as a tear spills over and you feel completely betrayed by your own body. You know that your actions and your emotions are literally saying the complete opposite of your words but you’re hoping that if you say them confidently enough, Colson will believe you. You take another steadying breath and look up at him, a huge grin spread across his face. He steps towards you again and once again you step back.

“If you move away from me one more time, I will bend you over my knee until your ass is as red as your cheeks,” Colson threatens and you gulp.

He moves more deliberately towards you and envelops your body into his strong arms. He holds you against his body and runs a hand up and down your spine. You shiver against him and your tense muscles instantly relax in the feeling of his comfort. You’re trying to not over-analyse why he’s hugging you, you just want to enjoy these last few moments of time with him before you have to say goodbye.

“The fact that you even thought for a second that I would only need one night with you to get my fill of you, is insane and hilarious at the same time,” he murmurs into your ear and you stiffen and pull away to look at him. “Seeing you with that Frankie prick has been making me jealous all night. In fact, seeing you with any guy other than me, drives fucking me crazy. How can you not see how badly I want you?”

“I thought that- I thought that maybe I was just imagining things because I wanted you and I thought I’d just naively convinced myself that you felt the same,” you try to explain but now saying the thoughts out loud, they even sound ridiculous to you.

Colson doesn’t say anything. He just gently laces his fingers in your hair and angles your face towards him so he can press his lips to yours lovingly. It’s a gentle kiss but it sparks a fire deep in your belly that takes your breath away and leaves you satisfied at the same time. You’d never imagined a feeling like this before yet somehow you always knew if you ever got the chance to be with Colson, this is what it would feel like. You melt into him and he wraps an arm around your waist to hold you against him. You’re not sure how long you kissed for but eventually you have to pull away to gather your breath. Colson rests his forehead against yours and you close your eyes.

“Now, get that fucker Frankie out of my house so I can make you moan my name again without feeling guilty,” he growls in your ear.

Your eyes shoot open to see him looking down at you with a face splitting grin and you can’t help but throw your head back and laugh. A real, carefree laugh that leaves you feeling breathless and light-headed.

#machine gun kelly #colson baker #mgk #tickets to my downfall #ttmdf #mgk imagine #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #machine gun kelly imagine #mgk x reader #mgk smut #mgk fanfic #mainstream sellout #est19xx #mgk fluff

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machinegunkellymexico · 7 days

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▫️ MGK in the studio/ en el estudio.

📸 Getty Images.

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bornwithhornsest · 8 months

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Them Cleveland boys got it hard

Photo creds via Reddit

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nando161mando · 12 days

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capitalist media

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wokecola · 3 months

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It's easy to maintain your integrity when no one offers to buy you out

#mainstream sellout

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cringycoolcat · 1 year

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The Pink Era!

#machine gun kelly #mainstream sellout #I couldnt resist I had to make those instantly #my collection of selfmade gifs is now at almost 800 files somebody help me #colson baker

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kemetic-dreams · 2 years

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#african #afrakan #kemetic dreams #brownskin #afrakans #africans #fitness #brown skin #kayne west #coon west #coon #mainstream sellout #sellout

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emotranscripple · 20 days

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shesagothgirl · 2 years

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you don’t need me - MGK

He knew something was bothering her. She had been distant, preoccupied with her thoughts, speaking only when spoken to. At first he thought it was the pressure of the album - he had been so consumed with getting ‘Mainstream Sellout’ to number one that he had been neglecting her, spending all his time in the studio or doing press, coming home only to take out his stress on her and go to sleep. She had handled it well, never faulting him for raising his voice or stumbling in intoxicated at all hours of the night. Every morning she got up and made him breakfast, despite whatever confrontation they had the night before. They would eat together at the dining room table, him speaking only of the album, her speaking only words of support, and with a kiss on her head he would be out the front door and she would be left to clean up the mess. It had become a routine, one that he knew he had burdened her with unfairly, but he couldn’t stop himself from needing that number one spot, and so he let months pass, with no real interaction with her, knowing that when it was all over, she would still be there, she always was. But this time it was different. He wasn’t sure when the change happened, but he could see it now, in the smile that never quite reached her eyes, in the tension that he felt each time he touched her, in the way she remained folded into herself as though she was less than.

“Number one album in the country.” He spoke softly, breaking the silence from his seat next to her in the long black limousine. His eyes hadn’t left her from the moment they settled in, his blue gaze boring into the side of her face, studying her every detail. She had barely spoken a word at the celebration dinner, her eyes cast down at her plate, moving the food around in an attempt to make people think she was actually eating. He had been aware of her all night, unable to decide on what was making her so uneasy. “I never thought we would actually get there.” He continued when she didn’t respond, watching as she stares out the open window beside her, taking a pull on the lit blunt between her perfectly manicured fingers.

Y/N knows he’s seeking her approval, and as exhausted as she is of talking about the album, she turns to him with a tired smile pulled at her lip gloss covered lips. “You deserve it.” She spoke sweetly, pulling her eyes from his the moment the words left her mouth, her gaze circling back to the city passing by her. Colson sat up straighter on the black leather seat beneath him, watching as her long straightened hair fell down her shoulder, creating a barrier between them. It was his favorite way that she styled her hair, simple, confident, as was the silk brown mid thigh dress she had clinging to her body, a dress he probably would have made a joke about ripping off her if she wasn’t so disturbed by him.

“Hey,” Colson whispers, his chest beginning to tighten at the anxiety her attitude was creating in him. Reaching forward he brushes her hair back with his long fingers, his hand caressing her shoulder before reaching the back of her neck, applying a small amount of pressure encouraging her to turn her head towards him. Releasing the smoke from another pull on the blunt Y/N turns, her eyes falling on Colson’s, his gaze a mixture of concern and fear. “What’s going on?” He questions softly, his calloused hand moving to the side of her makeup covered face, his thumb rubbing softly across her cheek bone. Y/N inhaled deeply, fighting the urge to lean into his touch. She was in love with Colson, so much that sometimes she had a hard time finding where she stopped and he began. He was everything to her, they had been through what felt like a lifetime together, she would do anything for him, be anything for him, and that was what scared her.

“I’m fine.” Y/N replied, forcing a smile onto her lips. The past few months with Colson had been the hardest of their three year relationship. She had been through album releases before, she knew the amount of stress and pressure he put on himself, she knew he always took it out on her, and she was okay with it, she remained strong, for him, for the light at the end of the tunnel, but this time was different. She felt unheard, unneeded, and unlike every other time, Colson couldn’t kiss it and make it better.

“That’s not what I asked.” Colson says, leaning forward to run his fingers through her hair, but before he does Y/N turns away, back to the window just as the limo pulls to a stop in front of the hotel they had been staying at for the last two days.

“Let’s not talk about it right now.” Y/N states, giving Colson no time to respond before she’s swinging the limo door open, dropping the blunt to the ground, and exiting into the cool night air. Y/N had so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to tell him, but she was aware of the amount of alcohol he had consumed at dinner, she knew that it was nearing close to one in the morning, no good would come from a conversation tonight, so she would save it for the morning.

Colson stayed in his seat only for a moment before he eagerly exited behind her, using quick strides to reach where she had already entered the lobby and was waiting for the elevator to arrive. It killed him to see her like this, so distant, so hurt, he knew he was the cause of it, he just didn’t know how, and he was desperate to put a smile on her face again. The ride in the elevator to the fifth floor was silent, it wasn’t until they were in the large suite, the door locked, Y/N in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water, that he spoke again. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

Y/N turns to Colson standing in the spacious kitchen in his bright pink suit, his choice of no undershirt giving her the view of his smooth tattooed chest, her favorite part about him. He looked perfect, so handsome, and it would be so easy for her to just fall into his arms and let him make her forget everything. But she couldn’t, so instead she took a sip of her water and avoided his brilliant blue eyes. “Colson, not tonight.”

“Don’t do that.” He says to her, his voice wavering just slightly as he takes a step closer to her. “Don’t act like this, whatever this is, isn’t bothering you, because it’s killing me.” Colson closes the distance between them, placing both his hands on her cheek to tilt her head back, making her look at him. Y/N’s eyes threaten to fill with tears as she breathes to steady herself, his intoxicating cologne clouding her judgment.

“You’ve been drinking.” Y/N says, looking him in the eyes, silently begging him to let this go for the night.

“And you‘ve been smoking.” Colson rebuttals, his gaze steady on the girl who holds his whole heart between her hands.

“That’s not the point.” Y/N sighs, pulling out of his grip and walking around him, desperate to exit the kitchen that now seemed too small. She heads down the hall towards the bedroom, eager to get out of the dress she once felt pretty in.

“Then what is the point, Y/N?” Colson asks, his voice rising as he follows close on her heels. This wasn’t her, she wasn’t like this, she always had a conversation, it’s something that had made their relationship so successful for all this time. It was like he could feel her slipping away, and he would be damned if he let that happen. Standing next to the bed he grips her wrist, pulling her to a stop in front of him. “We don’t do this, we don’t shut each other out.”

Y/N’s eyes begin to fill with tears. Colson is stubborn and an asshole, he can be selfish and unrelenting, but he loves her, and she knows he’s not going to give up until they talk. “You don’t see me.” She whispers, a single tear falling down her cheek making Colson realize the realness of her feelings. Colson steps closer to her, his fingers intertwining with hers as his eyebrows furrow together, his heart cracking at the pain on her face.

“Baby, what are you talking about?” He asks, his words soft and caressing. “I see you, I see you all the time. I see you right now.” A small sob leaves Y/N’s lips as she shakes her head, pulling her hand out of his. She needs to think, she needs to make him understand, and she can’t think when he’s touching her.

“No, Colson, you don’t see me.” She repeats more tears falling as she finally reveals what she’s been holding from him all this time. It’s quiet for a moment as the pair looks at each other, as if the other’s eyes will give some secret away. Colson wants nothing more than to be close to her, to hold her, to tell her he loves her, but he knows she doesn’t want that so he remains where he stands, waiting. “I’m proud of you.” She starts simply. “I’m so fucking proud of you. You deserve every bit of recognition you get from the hard work and dedication you put into this album.” She takes a deep breath, swallowing hard as Colson watches her every move. “You gave your all to this album and that is so so special, but along the way you lost sight of me, of us, and in the end the only thing you cared about was you.” Colson feels like he’s been punched in the gut. How could he not see how this was affecting her? He knew he had been more intense with this album, he knew he could have been treating her better, but he hadn’t realized how far he had gone.

“That’s not fair.” Colson starts, shaking his head making Y/N sigh in frustration, dropping onto the end of the bed beside her. He wasn’t hearing her. “I was focused on the album, yes, but I never stopped caring about you, I could never stop caring about you.” Y/N drops her head, unable to look at the panic in his eyes as he backtracks, trying to defend himself, his choices.

“If I wasn’t in your life, do you think the album would be as great as it is?” Y/N asks, the question coming from left field. Colson knew what she meant, and she was right. The songs on that album never would have been possible if he wasn’t with her. Some of them were about her, most had her influence, her ideas, all had her support. She was a huge part of the ‘’Mainstream Sellout’ album, almost as much as him.

Colson licks his lips, his eyes watching her and her defeated stance. “No.”

“No?”

“No.” He repeated, making Y/N tilt her head up to look him in the eye.

“Then why do you make me feel like I mean nothing to this relationship?” She asks, tears falling down her cheeks. “Like I mean nothing to your music? Like I mean nothing to you?” Colson feels the lump in his throat grow as the girl he’s in love with sobs in front of him. How could he have done this to her? “You don’t need me. And god does that kill me, because I need you, more than anything.”

Colson’s own eyes begin to fill with tears as he slowly takes a few steps towards the broken girl, kneeling down in front of her with a hesitancy as if she might push him away. “Look at me.” He whispers, his voice raspy as he tilts his head lower, trying to meet Y/N’s eye. Slowly she lifts her head, ashamed to have him see her this way. She was always strong in front of him, always. “You mean the fucking world to me.” He says, determined to not let the best thing that’s ever happened to him get away. “I need you, Y/N. I need you. You are the only thing that makes me happy in this shitty life.” The tears fall harder as he moves closer to her, positioning his body between her legs, his hands on either side of her body holding his weight against the bed. “I never meant to make you feel like this album meant more to me than you. Nothing will ever mean more than you.” He continues, reaching up with his right hand to wipe her tears away, her once perfect mascara running down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

Y/N nods, her eyes softening as Colson stands and pulls her into a hug, her head resting against his stomach as his fingers weave through her hair. The two remain unmoving for awhile, Y/N crying into his suit jacket, Colson replaying how close he was to losing the love of his life.

“I love you.” Colson whispers, making Y/N’s head turn to face him, his large hands pushing the loose strands of hair out of her face. Colson had said he loved her many times before, but this one felt different. He knew he would never allow her to feel this way again, especially if he was the cause of it. She knew that he finally saw her, that he understood her feelings.

“I love you.” Y/N whispered back just before Colson pressed his lips to hers, the butterflies she always felt invading her stomach. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, far from it, but they loved each other, and for them that was always enough.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #imagine #mgk #mgk x y/n #mgk fluff #mainstream sellout #one shot #colson #colson baker

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nozirohhex · 9 days

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i-think-i-did-it-again · 1 year

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We were never meant to be

Warning: swearing, drinking

You lay beside Colson, still consumed by sleep, his breathing deep and steady. You stared at the ceiling, counting the cracks one by one to pass the time. The night seems to be dragging along at the most uncomfortable speed and your never ending thoughts aren’t helping. You groan and roll over, trying desperately to silence your mind. You pull the sheet tighter under your arms to shield yourself from the guilt.

You told yourself that the last time would be just that, the last time. But then you heard his voice on the phone. The way he dragged out your name as he half begged, half demanded that you come over and “hang”. You knew then exactly what hanging with Colson would lead to. It’s the same dance the two of you have played for years. He calls you to come over, you order some form of takeaway, he puts some random movie or playlist on as background noise, then he turns to you and tells you how beautiful he thinks you are and suddenly your hands are in his hair, his lips on your neck, moaning your name. You have sex, he has a blunt and then he rolls over and goes to sleep and you’re left lying there feeling empty and alone.

It’s not like the sex isn’t good, it’s amazing but you know deep down that you want to be more than a booty call to him. You know you’ve been in love with him for years. You knew 12 months ago when this happened the first time that your feelings for him were greater than his feelings for you. Sure, you can tell he’s attracted to you because why else would he sleep you if he didn’t find you attractive on a basic level but that’s not exactly something to write home about. All of your friends, even Colson’s friends, tell you that what you’re doing isn’t healthy. That you’re just torturing yourself with the idea that you can turn this into something it’s not but you just can’t seem to stop. In the biggest cliche ever, Colson is like a drug that you just can’t seem to get enough of, no matter what you do.

You’ve tried dating other guys but you always find yourself comparing them to him. You haven’t seriously dated someone since your first night with Colson and that makes you feel even more guilty than the sex. You know that if you put an end to the arrangement, if you started dating more seriously, maybe even found someone that made you feel worthy and beautiful, that you’d get over Colson. The problem is, you don’t want to get over him. You have this stupid idea in your head that one day he’ll look at you, realise he’s madly in love with you and beg to be with you and only you. A dumb dream that you can’t seem to shake.

You huff and pull yourself out of bed. You gather your clothes and dress as quietly as possible. You grab your phone from the floor where it was earlier abandoned and check the time. 2:03am. Great, now you’re going to look dead tired for your birthday party in less than 12 hours and your friends are going to know exactly why. You look at Colson's sleeping face one last time, tears pooling in your eyes at that angelic face. When Colson is asleep, he looks so untroubled. You have to look away because all your body wants to do is curl up next to him. Pretend that he’s your loving boyfriend and you’re just falling asleep in his arms like it’s a normal night together.

You tear your eyes away and tiptoe down the hallway before descending the stairs. You open the front door as quietly as possible and escape into the night. You never leave in the middle of the night and you can feel the shift in your body. You feel it deep in your bones. This is the last time.

********

Colson wakes light and rested, in the way he always does after a night with you. Something about falling asleep next to your soft, warm body makes him feel safe. He rolls over to get a glimpse of your peaceful, sleeping face but finds the spot beside him empty. He feels the spot where your body would normally be and finds it cold. He didn’t even realise you’d woken up before him. He fumbles around for a pair of sweatpants and drags them up his legs as he tries to head down the hallway. He takes a deep breath as he stands at the top of the stairs. That giddy feeling he always gets when he’s around you fills his stomach with butterflies.

Colson heads down the stairs, listening for the sound of you in his oversized house but comes up with silence. He heads into the kitchen and finds it empty, no trace of freshly brewed coffee. The TV isn’t on so he knows you’re not in the living room. The back door is locked so he knows you’re not in the backyard. He strains to listen for any movement in the house whatsoever and hears nothing but the sound of his own heartbeat. He opens his front door, already knowing exactly what he’d see, an empty driveway, your car long gone.

Colson heads back upstairs to check his phone to see if maybe some emergency pulled you away from him earlier than expected. His phone has messages from everyone but you. He tries to call you but his call goes straight to voicemail. He sends you a text but after 10 minutes of nothing, he realises you’re not replying and he sits down on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands, defeat filling his body. He’s finally done it. He’s finally pushed you to the point of no longer caring. He promised himself a year ago when he made love to you for the first time that he wouldn’t do it, he wouldn’t ruin you but he did it anyway. He always manages to fuck things up. He knew you’d get bored of him but he just hoped it wouldn’t happen so soon. He hasn’t gotten his fill of you. He could have you a million times and he’d never get enough of you.

“FUCK!” he screams into the empty abyss that is his house. The silence and the loneliness begins to fill him to the absolute brink.

He checks his phone again, just in case you’d replied to him or tried to call him in the 2 minutes since he’d looked at his phone. Nothing. He notices a text from Rook that mentions your name and his fingers have never moved so quickly in his life. He taps on the message and sees a half articulate message.

Yo, u 🚗 wth me for Y/N 🎂 🎉 2nite?

A glimmer of hope shatters through Colson’s chest at the reminder of your birthday party later that evening. You’d invited him months ago. You were so excited that you were literally bouncing off the walls. He couldn’t help but laugh at your giddy anticipation. He liked seeing you like that. You were completely free. You had this uncaring attitude yet somehow it didn’t come across as cocky or self-absorbed. You were just happy and you were glad to show it, no matter who was watching. You took the whole ‘dance as if no one is watching’ literally and he loved that side of you.

Colson sends a quick ‘yes’ reply to Rook and a pick-up time and lays back on his bed, thinking about what he’s going to say to you tonight. He knows he can’t just wing it. He knows he has to have something well thought out and coherent explanation for his feelings, to explain to you. He knows that being a musician, words should be his strong point but when it comes to you, all rationality flies out of his head. Hence why it’s taken him a year to explain to you exactly how he feels.

********

At your pre-drinks, you don’t exactly feel the buzzing excitement you felt when you planned this night 3 months ago. This is the first birthday you’ve had where you’ve actually had the money to splurge on a party. You hired out an entire rooftop bar, hired a DJ, pre-paid for an entire evening of bottle service and bought an absolutely banging outfit especially for the occasion. You even promised your friends that you’d wear heels! This whole night was such a big deal to you but now, it seems over the top and self-indulgent. Like why would someone need to go to such an effort for their own birthday party? It’s not even a major birthday.

You hate feeling like that girl whose mood is completely dependent on a guy but you were excited to celebrate your birthday with Colson. The last three birthdays you’ve had, he’s been on tour or out of town visiting Cassie. This was the first birthday that he was actually going to be there. Although, he did always make sure he was the first to wish you for your birthday. Last year he even called you during his concert, live on stage, to wish you a ‘happy birthday’ at midnight. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face for the whole day.

Your friend calls for your attention to hold up her two outfit choices and you shake off the feeling of sadness and just try to be in the moment. You throw back your entire drink and pick a dress for her. Sophie arrives not long after that and your excitement somewhat returns. You’d asked her to do your makeup for the night and she’d been a more than willing helper. You were a bit unsure when she’d sent you a few look ideas, that were mildly over the top, in the past few weeks but you’d both eventually settled on a heavy smokey eye. When you saw her setting out the false lashes and lipstick shades, your confidence wavered slightly but you pushed the negative thoughts away.

Who are you trying so hard for? Your subconscious scolded you but you just took a shot of tequila to shut her sassy ass up.

“Trust me, you’ll drop dead bangable by the time I’m finished with you,” Sophie reassures you, although you’re not really sure if you find it reassuring.

The music blares as Colson steps off the elevator onto the rooftop. His stomach is filled with that uncomfortable nausea again. That feeling he only gets when he knows he’s going to be seeing you. It’s an overwhelming excitement and nervousness that fills his entire body. His heart rate speeds up, his palms begin to sweat and all rational thought escapes him. He tugs at the present bag in his jacket pocket, making sure it’s still there for the 100th time since he got to Rook's place. The Uber ride had felt like hours but it had only been 5 minutes.

Colson looks around for you but Rook spots you first. He points to your spot in the middle of the dancefloor, your eyes closed, swaying to the music, completely in your own world even though you’re surrounded by a sea of your friends. Colson holds his breath as he takes in your appearance. He’s not surprised by your over the top makeup, he expected it when Sophie told him last week that she was doing it, but somehow on you it looked just the right amount. It wasn’t too heavy and it wasn’t too light. He could tell that you’d probably convinced Sophie to tone it back a little bit. It accentuated your already beautiful features. The way the red lipstick made your lips look even more full than usual made his groin ache and he had to adjust his stance to cover that fact.

Colson’s eye wandered down to your dress and his eyes almost fell out of his head. You were wearing a silver sparkly mini dress that hugged your curves in all the right places. Your full breasts were barely contained in the tight material. Your legs seemed to go on forever and the black, strappy heels gave your legs amazing definition. Your skin was bronzed and glowy, the lights of the bar hitting your skin just right.

Your eyes open as someone grabs your hand and spins you. You look up to see Rook’s adorable smile shining at you as he wraps an arm around your waist to pull you to him and off the dancefloor. He kisses your cheek and you instantly feel your face heat up at the casual gesture. Things have always been natural between Rook and you. He’s got this chill, go with the flow attitude that just makes him so easy to get along with. He’s one of those people that it’s almost impossible to get in an argument with.

“Happy birthday babe!” he calls over the music, giving you another kiss on the cheek.

He pulls out an envelope from his back pocket and hands it to you. Before you can show him where the present table is, he’s off in the direction of their usual group, crowding around the bar. You shake your head and chuckle at his one track mind before heading off to the present table in the far corner of the bar, slightly hidden near a small garden with a water feature. The music isn’t as deafening here and you take a few minutes to hear the sound of your own thoughts. You place the card with the others and wonder if maybe you should ask the staff to move the table somewhere more visible to guests when a hand taps on your shoulder, causing you to squeal and jump at the same time. You turn to scold the stranger but the words get stuck in your throat as you look up to see Colson’s unreadable face.

“Sorry,” he mumbles with a sympathetic smile. You shake your head as a way of dismissing him.

Looking at his face is making your chest tighten so you look down at your feet uncomfortably, wishing that he’d make some lame excuse and follow Rook to the bar. His black jeans and dark tie dye t-shirt are casual but yet he’s somehow still the most attractive guy in the room, which makes looking at him even harder. He seems to be searching for something to say and the silence is killing you so you have to break the tension before your head explodes.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” you tell him with a tight smile. His eyes light up slightly and you start to feel the tension dissipate a little.

“Thanks for inviting me. This place is pretty fucking amazing. How did you find it?” he asks, looking around at the open space behind him.

“Someone I work with had their engagement party here last year and I just fell in love with the open space and setup,” you explain, looking at all of your friends on the dancefloor, enjoying themselves.

“This is exactly what I’d pictured when you said rooftop bar, it’s very-”

“Why are you here Colson?” you interrupt him before he can finish his sentence.

You’re not nearly drunk enough for this situation. You thought you could do small talk with him but being this close to him and not being able to reach out and touch him is so difficult, you can’t keep up the pleasantries for much longer. The elephant in the room feels like it’s sitting on your chest and the longer you stand here, the more crushing it feels. You feel horrible at the small part of you that had wished he wouldn’t come. The larger, desperate part of you was dying to see him, even if he did just come out of obligation because of your invitation from months ago.

“I-I wanted to see you for your birthday,” he explains but you feel like it’s half an explanation. Like he’s almost holding something back. “And because you invited me and basically all of my friends,” he gestures to his group of friends now moving towards the dancefloor.

You’re not really sure what witty comeback you were planning to give him but the words stick in your throat. For some reason whenever you’re around him, every intelligent thought seems to seep out of your brain and all you can do is stare at his handsome face like a silent mime. It physically hurts your heart to look at him. All your mind wants to do is imagine a life together. One where he loves you, where you’re the only woman he wants or could ever want. You would spend Sundays in bed together, your hands intertwined, talking, laughing, making love, tracing everyone of his tattoos. But that’s not the reality you live in.

“Well, thanks for coming,” you mumble and try to push past him to join back into your own party.

“Wait,” he grabs your wrist and you pull back as if his touch burns your skin. You notice an unreadable emotion flitter across his face but he turns away before you can study it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, pink party bag and hands it to you. “Will you at least open the present I bought you?”

You grimace but take the small bag. You contemplate just putting the present with all your other presents but you don’t want to be purposely nasty to him. After all, he didn’t really need to buy you a present. Written on the small tag attached to the handle in scribbly writing is simply:

Happy birthday, beautiful x

You try to ignore the flutter in your chest at his simple but sweet message. You pull out the small jewellery box inside and place the bag on the table behind you. You open the bag and inside is a beautiful diamond pendant necklace in the shape of a teardrop and your heart immediately begins to hammer in your chest. You can’t believe he remembered the necklace you’d shown him over a year ago.

You’d gone out for coffee with him one Sunday morning and you happened to walk past a jewellery store on the way back to his car. You always had a habit of looking in the window of jewellery stores, just simply to admire all the beautiful diamonds. You had absentmindedly pointed out this exact necklace to him and had completely forgotten about the encounter until now.

“You remembered?” you whisper, your voice cracking slightly at the overwhelming emotions swirling inside of you.

“I remembered the way your eyes lit up when you saw it, so after I dropped you home I went back and bought it for you. I was going to give it to you this morning for your birthday but…” his voice trails off as you both know exactly why he didn’t give it to you this morning. He didn’t have a chance to.

“Colson…I-I don’t know what to say but, thank you.”

No one has ever given you a present that has such an unspoken significance. The fact that he had bought it so long ago just because he knew how much you loved it muddles your feelings all over again. You’re so scared that if you try to convey exactly how you feel with words, you’ll end up a blubbering mess or you’ll ruin the moment by telling him how you feel and then you won’t be able to take it back. You thought this morning that you were strong enough to live without Colson but now, now that he’s done something so sweet, you’d happily be his booty call and friend for the rest of your life.

You wrap your arms around his neck and hug him tightly as no words seem enough to tell him exactly how grateful you are for the gift. You bury your face in his neck and breath in his musky cologne. You feel his arms wrap around your waist and he holds you against his body, moulding you perfectly to him. You stand there for a few seconds and you go to pull away but Colson tightens his grip, refusing to release you.

“No,” he mumbles into your hair and you smile.

You run your fingers through his hair and he practically purrs in your arms. Eventually, he releases you but only to hold your face in his hands, stroking your cheek with his thumb. He leans down slowly and you stop breathing as soon as you realise what he’s doing. He lips brush against yours and your head swims with a hundred questions and a hundred unregistered emotions. He kisses you again, deeper and with more force and your lips parts as you moan into his touch.

Colson has never kissed you casually. He’s never kissed you in front of everyone. Your physical contact when you’re with all of your friends goes no further than a quick hug or a drunken arm thrown over your shoulders to help keep him up. This new experience is both confusing and exhilarating at the same time. You try to live in the moment and his lips against yours is the one thing that can make your brain shut up and the world melt away. After you’re not sure how long, you both have to pull away to fill your lungs with oxygen.

“That was…” you gasp out in between shallow breaths.

“Yeah,” Colson chuckles, still holding your face in his hands. He looks at you so intensely that your breathing stops momentarily and you’re slightly scared about what he’s going to say. “Y/N, I had this big, long-winded speech planned but being with you, all of it has completely fucked off so all I’m going to say is, I love you. I’ve loved you for a very long time and I’ve been spending the last year trying to work out how to tell you. I thought that after I took so fucking long to actually say how I felt and I wasn’t sure how you felt, that maybe we were never meant to be but after you left this morning, I realised that that’s fucking bullshit. I think we were meant to be from the moment I met you 4 years ago at a random bar, in a random sketchy area, in a random coincidence and now I’m just making it happen.”

“I…I didn’t think you felt that way about me,” you tell him honestly. You feel dumb for ignoring everything he just said but you’re in complete shock. “I-I love you too by the way.” Colson laughs and shakes his head, leaning down to kiss you again.

“Well, you better because that necklace was fucking expensive,” he teases and you melt into him, effortlessly.

“Best. Birthday. Ever,” you chuckle and kiss him again, unable to wipe the smile from your face.

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