#like. we struggle with ourselves. we struggle with our family trying to decide whether we will become like them or not
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#three movies three warped reflections#a girl and herself in the window#a girl and her sister behind the glass#and a boy and himself in the water#i especially like those first two#theyre both close to the end of the movie#like the penultimate scene#i feel like for the first one it shouldve been the last scene#maybe they wanted to show some kinda like. movement forward after the movie ends#which is fair#but i like this as a last shot better than the actual last shot#but for both that one and raw the second one theyre really nice almost-last shots#like. we struggle with ourselves. we struggle with our family trying to decide whether we will become like them or not#gonna put some of raw in the thoschei video#for the sibling undertones
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For Gordon’s birthday, I decided to put together a rec list of a bunch of Gordon fics I love! There are so many more I could rec, so these are just a few of the amazing fics out there. Feel free to add your faves too, whether that be your own ones you’ve written or fics by others you love! I’m sure Gordon would approve of sharing the love 💛
List below the cut because it got loooong
AO3
-Stars in the Sea by Fyoex
The Tracy family thought the hydrofoil accident had been left far behind them. But head trauma is a fickle beast that isn’t quite ready to let go.
-Scenes from Gordon’s Bedside by @gaviiadastra
One-shot exercises, connected by a family grieving, hoping, and trying to make sense of why. Blended Universe
-Gordon & Explosive Device & Storage Unit by @strongerwiththepack
Gordon's in trouble when an underwater storage facility explodes with him still inside.
(Note: I requested this so I am a little biased!)
-Risky Rockpools by @strongerwiththepack
The Tracy family get a reality check when they remember that living on an isolated island in the middle of the South Pacific ocean isn't actually all that safe.
-Being Gordon Tracy by @psychoseal
Gordon’s life story!
-Malfunction by shadowfox8
Gordon is enjoying some time in the ocean when Thunderbird 4 decides to play some tricks, giving our loveable prankster decompression sickness.
-Where the mermaids live by @fallenfurther
Gordon decides to cheat on an important test but is caught by the school bullies. They are happy to let him keep the grade as long as he does something for them. Gordon knows he's getting in deeper than he should, but the consequences go far beyond what he expected.
-The Most Dangerous Game by @godsliltippy
Scott and Gordon find themselves unwilling participants.
-Motionless by @godsliltippy
One can never expect a rescue mission to go smoothly when Langstrom Fischler is involved. Gordon knows this and yet, that information does him no good when lives are at stake and it's his job to get everyone out safely.
-Every time it snows by allandmore
A simple mountain rescue goes wrong for International Rescue. Gordon battles the elements and his memories, and Scott has a tough decision to make.
-An Aquanaut Walks Into a Bar... by Corby
Gordon has a conversation in a bar, and Virgil has strong opinions about that. Childhood memories, and the stories we tell ourselves and others.
-Picnic by ThatGirlSix
Every Tracy has a type of job they hate, be them car crashes, hotel fires, mine collapses, whatever. Gordon absolutely hates tornadoes with a passion. No, really, he hates tornadoes. His life would be so much better if they never did another tornado job ever again. The rest of the family is starting to think so, too.
-Consequences by @tracybirds
Gordon is in a bit of a bind, and the older bros will need to help him out of it in a big way.
-Tears Of The Ocean by @janetm74
The ocean is a harsh mistress and Gordon has been burned by her. Will Scott be able to help him get through this? A pre-iR, military bro's fic.
FF
-No Accidents by Glazier Blue
Gordon thought the Hydrofoil crash was behind him. But there was a lot more to his "accident" than his family realised. It looks like the past with WASP has come back to finish what it started. Now Gordon's life hangs in the balance. Can his family stop history from repeating it self?
-Conformity by Figure in black
It was nothing...just a small boy grasping onto his understanding of language. He would soon grow out of it...
-My Brother’s Pain by FABThunderbird
Virgil and Gordon are both exhausted after a dangerous rescue. On their way home Virgil notices that Gordon is not only dealing with an injury, but he sees his brother struggling to open up about what he had witnessed during this rescue.
-Look Before You Reach by nhsweetcherry
Gordon experiences trouble on a rescue - all because he dropped his watch!
-A Tangled Web by crystalquirt
Something has caused heat and trace amounts of radiation in the deep sea. Thinking it volcanic, Gordon takes Thunderbird Four to be sure after John detected an unusual amount of dead sea life in the area. The water around the phenomenon has turned brownish yellow, all the way up to the surface. One species still thrive there.
My Fics!
Well I couldn’t make this without dropping some of my faves that I’ve written!
-Birthday Surprise
It's Gordon's birthday and the first one since his dad came home. He deserves a great day, doesn't he? Maybe not.
(Note: It’s his birthday, I had to include this one!)
-Into the Spider’s Nest
When Gordon comes across something he was never meant to see, he ends up tangled in a potentially deadly web made up of his worst nightmares. His chances of getting out dwindle with each passing day, but when he finds someone just as stuck as he is, they may end up becoming each other’s lifeline, as well as their only chance to make it home.
-Not Ever
Gordon has a confession to make, and Penelope feels like the worst girlfriend ever.
-Just Keep Swimming
A nice, relaxing day on Tracy Island leads to Gordon discovering something that shouldn't exist.
-Breathless
The one scene that was missing from the finale, plus all the scenes that led up to that moment.
-these drugs, they separate me from my mind
Gordon has big dreams. He is going to make it far, and knows he has what it takes to get there. Until one day he is offered an easier, faster way to get to where he wants to be. The only problem is it goes against everything he believes, but maybe he should take the opportunity whilst he has it?
-Sleep Under the Fish
One day, a strange boy appeared on Penelope's beach. And then he disappeared. Little did she know about the world that lived beneath the sea, and what that one encounter would open her up to. A Thunderbirds/Luca AU
To-read Recs
So I have yet to read any of these, but they are just a few of the fics I have marked for later that seem interesting! And I thought it would be fun to rec them in case others find them interesting too (yes I am behind on a lot of fics!)
-Live and learn by Scherzandro
Scott and his brother have been at odds since Gordon joined International Rescue a couple of months back, but when the pair are stranded in hostile territory they might just learn a thing or two about each other, if they live long enough...
-One Word by alchemistsarego
If Gordon Tracey was asked to describe his current situation in a single word, that word would be ‘uncomfortable’. Now of course being trapped in a volcanic cave with only his radio as a source of light while covered not only in his own sweat but his blood also, the word didn’t quite do what he was experiencing justice. In fact, there were many other words that would describe it better. Claustrophobic. Terrified. In agony, perhaps.
-Tracy Seaside Orchard and Farm by @gaviiadastra
An alternate universe. Gordon has a successful farm... and seems to have nothing to do with this International Rescue thing.
-The Heart of Te Fiti by Eraman
So this is gonna be a major AU which will mostly follow the plot of Moana/Vaiana with many changes. Gordon hears the sea calling him, but with his three older brothers missing and his father forbidding him from going near the ocean what is Gordon to do? He knows there is something he and Alan has to do, something only they can do but how can they when they are not allowed to leave?
-Terrors in Space by @godsliltippy
Just a routine space rescue. Sure. "Routine"
There’s soo so many more fics I could add here, but I need to stop at some point lol. But like I said, if anyone else has any more recs, they can drop them below. I’m sure there’s many fics even I haven’t read yet! Anyways, I hope at least someone found something here they like, and if you did, be sure to drop a comment on whatever you read 💛💛
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I never realised how hard it is to exist with plurality when our trauma isn't really defined as trauma.
TW:Death, mental health issues, physical issues, self harm, body dysphoria, suicide/suicidality, medical trauma.
So like, nan died when we were five, I don't have many childhood memories, but seb was the first to "exist" other than me. Then there's the bullying and masking of autism, ADHD, and the trauma of having a post alcoholic parent trying to be a parent again. All with the struggle of things a kid shouldn't have to deal with that mom didn't know how to keep away from us, such as money stuff and food issues. We lose marmalade, a beloved family cat. Then we lose Monty her daughter not long after. The memory of her being cradled in my brothers arms as she has a seizure from the stroke and falling down the stairs, forever imprinted on my mind. Skip to a few years later, it's gotten to the point where we don't know how many we are, because our mental health has already reached the point of passive suicidality and everything that goes with it. Age eleven, deciding whether or not to jump into traffic before school. We form a protector with no name, a shadow figure. He later becomes void. The trauma of not knowing if I'm autistic was way more present around that time. It got way worse and then of course, we didn't know that autism was something to consider, we just thought we were broken. Never mind the trans trauma of being plural and a traumatized child with trust issues, seeing people that aren't there and being terrified of losing my "friends in my head". The bullying gets really bad. We realise we're trans. We're in denial. We think "Oh what if we just come out as non-binary?" It doesn't go well. We are severely suicidal at age 13, finally diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Hospitalised multiple times from then on. Everything is blurry. There are times where I can recall the trauma timeline perfectly, but today is not one of them. This is all quite vague but I think the protectors are ok with that. I needed to get this off my chest. Many have come and gone. I still don't know everyone and everything about the system. I don't know if we'll ever be diagnosed as a system. For now, I just want my life to get easier. We are in constant physical pain. We have hypermobile joint spectrum disorder, recently confirmed. Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome is also suspected. We use a walking stick just to get around the house. We can't stand for more than five minutes. We're still masking our system from our family and friends. Mom thinks we have a dissociative disorder of some sort. The trauma is too complicated even for us, to explain to her how "broken" we feel. Being plural with trauma that is probably nowhere near what people would consider enough to form a system is exhausting. It feels invalidating. Like we shouldn't be this way because we weren't sexually abused or groomed or beaten or tortured or something. We have trauma, it should be enough. So this is me, getting this off my chest. I needed to vent. It hurts so goddamn much. I'm always fronting. I never switch out unless something major happens, like if seb triggers a switch for our safety or if Kai is triggered in due to talking about a memory I'm not supposed to know about to keep me safe. I'm always co-fronting with somebody. I barely know who I am, let alone the fact of being plural making it even harder. What I do know is that, my plurality has saved me. Even if I wish sometimes I wasn't plural. Even if sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I could remember all of the school trauma and the hospital trips and the self harming and the surgery from when I was a kid to fix my eye that I only sort of know about from void. I'm just tired. The body is always hurt or ill or in pain. We never get a break. We mask constantly. We can't even call ourselves we. It's I or me or single anything. We aren't diagnosed with anything system based or plural based. The only reason I have some knowledge of how our system might work is because of the helpful information from other sysblogs on here. Like the info about p-did and median systems and autism based system stuff. Hopefully, we'll get to a good place mentally. For now, we'll just have to take each day as it comes.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it probably doesn't read very well or make much sense. I might redo our system intro at some point. Its kind of outdated now. I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
#autism based system#neurodivergent based system#system#trauma#actually adhd#partial did#grief#transgender#did osdd#plural system#sysblr
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I'm going to tell you my process of feelings towards getting pregnant and motherhood.
I would like to be a mother. I don't have a super strong desire or big urge to be. If I can't be a mother, it will be a pity, but it will be ok. I don't think I would miss out. I also would like to be an aunt or the friend who takes care of someone else's children. There have been moments in my life when my desire to be a mother was stronger, I don't know if I'm settling for aunt given my circunstances and the whole state of the world or if it really is my desire. But I would like to raise my own children and see them become their own people. Yes, if I have children, I would like to have more than one.
I have wanted to experience pregnancy and birth in my 20s. When I was between 25 and 29 or so, I really wanted to experience the whole process. I would have loved to be the first of my friends to have a child. I even thought of being a single mother. When I was a child, I dreamt of having children but I never dreamt of having a husband or a father for them, I dreamt of being a single mother and in that moment in my 20s, I felt like that too.
Then I got a boyfriend, and we started speaking about it. The first years of our relationship was testing the waters of the two of us so we didn't try, we decided to start trying when some of our friends started to have children too. I liked the idea of having children of about the same age. I didn't get pregnant and when asked to check, was told that I wasn't very fertile. I almost get into a fertility program but I was not convinced at all. I fell kind of obligated to try my very best, so that I couldn't say I didn't try but I didn't trust the process and wasn't convinced it was worth it *at all*. I still am not. At the same time, I thought of my grandmother, who took over 3 years to have her first baby and people in the village gossipped about her infertility. She then had 5 children. Maybe it just runs in the family.
Then my back problems worsened, and my periods worsened too. It got so bad that whatever curiosity I had towards experiencing pregnancy went down the drain. If I couldn't walk un-pregnant, I didn't even want to imagine what it would be pregnant. I didn't want that permanent change in my already shitty column. I also lived in constant pain, did I want more pain? Did I want a birth? No.
I actually wouldn't mind adopting, I don't need a baby. Babies are cool and you get to see how they grow and learn from the beginning, but I actually don't care that much for a child of my own who is older. We have thought about it, it's a long process, but given that we wouldn't mind older children and siblings, it could get shorter. And I like children of any age, with whatever struggles they come.
But we don't have jobs. We don't have money. Sure, our parents probably can help us, but why put ourselves through this uncertainty, and put children through that too. We shouldn't have to count on grandparents for this. Since we don't mind adopting teenagers, we will wait and see if our situation improves.
But overall I think it's a pity that things are so fucking hard to have children, whether it is to birth them or to adopt them. From all over the world, you see people commenting on how they just give up their dream of having children because they don't want to struggle to raise them, when they are already struggling to pay for themselves. Not many countries want to fix this.
I have always been very independent and nobody in my family thinks I would want children. I have talked about it with my mother briefly, she more or less knows, but I stopped bringing it up when I saw how difficult it would be. Nobody asks me when will the children come because my years of singlehood protect me and I thank it, because it is a conversation I don't want to have. I focus on the things of being child-less I like, the freedom, the time, the good sleep I get and I convince myself I do prefer this, but do I? I can't even imagine another possibility, so I guess I do.
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COM01 PT6 - Journaling Your Response to Advertising
youtube
Advertising messages are developed to captivate audiences and leave long-lasting impressions. Due to the current pandemic, many businesses have shifted their emphasis to social distancing and safety in these unknown times. The Globe advertisement campaign, which emphasizes being connected even if we are physically apart, is one such advertisement that stands out.
When it comes to the COVID-19 virus, we cannot afford to be relaxed. Staying apart from one another is the only way to stop it from spreading, but this reasoning does not imply that we should completely cut ourselves off from the outside world. Thanks to technology nowadays, we can still communicate with our loved ones and obtain necessary services without running the risk of contracting the virus.
The message is effectively conveyed through Globe's campaign. People of all ages are shown in the advertisement staying safe by isolating themselves. Despite their physical separation, they are still in contact via their Globe network, whether through a phone conversation, email, or video chat. Ultimately, the advertisement emphasizes the value of technology in today's society and how it may aid us in surviving these trying times.
The Globe campaign serves as a great example of how companies may use their position to improve the state of our society. In addition to offering a technological fix, they have endeavored to educate individuals about the importance of keeping to themselves to stay safe rather than just marketing their goods. Ads like Globe's remind us that we are all in this together as the world struggles to contain the outbreak.
In conclusion, the Globe advertisement serves as a great reminder that everyone may still be found connection and hope even in the face of hopelessness. It highlights the necessity of avoiding one another physically while maintaining virtual relations to combat feelings of loneliness and isolation.
youtube
Each of us has suffered dramatically as a result of the ongoing pandemic. The loss of life, the loss of employment, and the loss of mental tranquility have made us all appreciate what we previously took for granted. Nevertheless, despite all of the confusion and difficult circumstances that we have all been going through, people have discovered ways to stick together and maintain motivation.
One such case is the Jollibee commercial that aired amidst the pandemic, which demonstrates how the epidemic has honed family bonds via the sharing of meals. Despite the difficult times that we are all going through, the advertisement beautifully emphasizes the value of family and keeping in touch with each other during these times.
The beginning of the advertisement demonstrates how the pandemic has eliminated the everyday joys that we all used to enjoy, such as outdoor picnics, big gatherings, and family holidays. But despite everything, the love of family is the only thing that never changes.
The next scene in the video depicts a family choosing to order Jollibee takeouts and have a family meal after deciding they are sick of spending the day inside. The image shows a family gathered around the dinner table, enjoying one another's company while chowing down on delectable Jollibee fare.
The commercial does a great job of explaining how eating a meal with one's family may help us get through these difficult times. It exemplifies how even little things, like a family dinner, may help our lives feel more regular amidst the spread of the COVID-19 virus.
In conclusion, Jollibee's most recent commercial is a touching depiction of how the pandemic has made us respect family more. It exemplifies how sharing meals with our loved ones can help us get through difficult times and strengthen our bonds with them.
References:
Globe. (2020). Sama-sama sa Distansya | #SafeAtHome [YouTube Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZNnrEKbyJ4
Jollibee Studios. (2021). A Message from the Future [YouTube Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-N8K0xRaeY
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Intrinsic Value
Feeling good about ourselves is one of the hardest, loneliest, most human experiences I can think of. It is an aspect of life we often neglect or ignore and many of us do not prioritize this until later in life. It is a different process for everyone who attempts it. Many of us never fully do experience it, but that is okay, but I highly encourage everyone to try. Whether you need the assistance of therapy, or medications, or if you do it completely by yourself, you deserve to feel good about yourself at least some of the time. Let me say that again, you deserve to feel good.
I would like to think I am pretty decent at giving advice, but there’s one area I cannot quite express fully enough to be able to help someone through it. I wish I had the words to help those of my friends who struggle with finding their own inner worth. We derive our value from a lot of different things in life, whether that be friends, family, work, or in our romantic relationships, but we often forget about our self-worth. Aside from all these areas of our life, we possess value. Even when we disappoint our friends and family, even when we underperform at work, even when we break up with our partners, we are worth something. It can be easy to get caught up with external validation, because when life is good, we receive it regularly. Unfortunately, life is not always so good.
Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we find moments in our lives where external validation is few and far between. These are moments to remind yourself that even if no one is telling you this, you are important, and wanted, and loved. The human experience is a funny one to me. For most, when we are young, we are surrounded by people all the time whether it be in school, camp, church, sports, or clubs. This continues all the way into young adulthood for those of us who decide to attend college, but dramatically declines when we leave school. We go from constant communication from our peers to seeing them a couple times a month, or even only a few times a year. This causes many of us to go through the extreme discomfort of having to become our own best friend. We are now the person we spend the most time with. This means in order to fill that void of immersive socialization, we either need to seek it out or we need to grow used to feeding that part of ourselves through personal hobbies and interests. Oftentimes, this process occurs by ourselves.
I have personally always enjoyed my alone time. I am the type of person who, much of the time, chooses to stay home with a good book instead of going out to socialize. I have always been this type of person. My parents needed a quiet afternoon? No worries, I’ll hang out in my room. I spent a lot of time by myself as a kid. I have an older sister who was much the opposite, she went to school before I did, and spent most of her time at sports, in theatre productions, or with friends. I had a small handful of friends I would hang out with outside of school, but I was a little shy and didn’t really enjoy sports or extracurriculars until I was older. I did a lot of independent playing and it taught me how to craft intricate worlds full of imaginative characters, and magic. This was a reality I lived in by myself until I was around high school age. This reality is where I have found myself returning to in my newfound adulthood. It is a place within me that I can find comfort in my own words and praises and delights. I spend time in this place reminding myself that I am creative and wonderful because my imagination is creative and wonderful. This place within me that I have concocted is full of love and therefore I am full of love. In the metaphysical sense, I am amazing because I think amazing thoughts. I think therefore I am. If I spend all my time telling myself that I am worthless then I become worthless. If I think I need the praises of others to feel good, then I need the praises of others to feel good.
Do you see what I’m getting at here? You have to invest time into being kind to yourself in order to feel good about yourself. You must think to become. You decide you matter. I treat myself kindly by spending time doing things that I want to do. I book trips with my friends, and I go hiking and camping, and I visit my family, and I spend time reading at coffee shops alone. I do these things for no reason other than because I want to. I do not do them because someone expects me to or because I have obligations to do so. I do them because they make me feel good, and it is how I wish to spend my time. I still have all the other obligatory duties, like going to work so I can pay my bills, and grocery shopping so that I have food at home to cook. I feel comfortable in my ability to say no to absolutely anything.
Establishing a routine that includes these acts of “self-care” is a vitally important thing to do for the health of your relationships, as well as for the health of your mind. We must spend time investing into ourselves in order to grow comfortable and content with ourselves. Taking the time to remind ourselves of our own value enables us to deal with adversity and hardships more effortlessly. When we experience something negative in our lives, sometimes we turn the blame on ourselves. Feelings of guilt and worthlessness can usually follow these negative events, and the only way to overcome these moments is by giving ourselves the grace, kindness, and forgiveness we would grant to others experiencing these feelings. Life is full of these difficult moments, so providing yourself with the skill-set to deal with them is an investment into your long-term happiness.
So do the work. Have conversations with yourself about your values and live by those basic truths. Be authentic to yourself and do not compromise your beliefs and give yourself the freedom to feel confident about your decisions and actions. Remind yourself that you are kind, honest, intelligent, loved, and anything else that you need to hear. I am loved, I am valuable, I am a wonderful addition to the world. You are loved, you are valuable, and you are a wonderful addition to the world. Be proud of yourself for making it this far, and good luck with your journey.
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Use Your Passion
Don’t let your energy go to waste
For most of us, it's hard to become passionate about something nowadays because we're daily bombarded by the life of others living out their passion through various mediums. However, if we take the time to look at the definition of passion, we will soon realize that passion is a daily part of everyone's life. Webster's dictionary defines passion as "a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something." Now tell me that we haven't been feeling passion almost every day of our lives since birth, and I don't think any of us can. Hence, the proper question lies in what follows our passion once the energy forces of passion manifest within us.
One's passions most times are energy forces that try to inspire us towards something. Therefore, we should also be cautious about the type of passion energy we experience. Passion can be as much a disadvantage as a benefit that drives energy action. However, I will focus on the gains of passion and how we should react to them when we feel them and not let those forces go to waste.
Our passions can drive us to many great things in life and not necessarily in the form of obtaining material wealth or fame either. Just take some time and watch how small children become so passionate about playing with a new toy and inventing new ways to play with ideas filled with passion leading them to experience great joy and satisfaction at the moment. Unfortunately, over the years, these same children's parents, peers, family members, community, and society begin consciously and unconsciously reducing or shutting down their passion energy. Most times, one's passions have become lethargic through words, acts, or models of others.
Should this be a time to blame or play the victim in this matter now as adults? On the contrary, it should be a time to reenergize ourselves to our daily passions and take steps towards putting them to use. Most of our passions in life get sparked by an external factor. Like a child looking at a new toy and becoming excited and creative about the many ways he can now play with it is how our passions get sparked as well. However, the key lies in executing once that passion energy is felt internally.
As an inspiring writer, I've felt the energy inside me to write for years. Often, an idea gets sparked full of desire and passion from something I see, hear or experience and want to write about. I'm sure we all feel this same desire about many things in life daily, but somehow we lack the most important part: taking action.
For me, it's been a matter of taking the courage to put pen on paper together now. Whether my passions are silly or don't become useful to anyone doesn't matter as they once did. The voices of the past or haters of the present no longer have the ability to turn off my energy. Just think of how many passionate people have come along and invented and done some very cool and exciting things in life. To name a few: Oprah, Steve Jobs, Jay-Z, and Thomas Edison all struggled and failed but continued to take action towards their daily passions.
All these incredible people like you and I are made up of the same thing, humanity. All have our own stories and struggles, but what makes the difference in taking action towards passion is not to allow the works or anyone to define us or turn off our passions. Remember that you are unique and so are your energy passions. There has never been another human being like you, and there will never be, and that in itself should be enough never to allow your love and energy to go to waste.
For these reasons and more, begin to realign your energy with your passions, no matter what they may be. Only you know what gives you a daily energy boost when a thought or idea may come, but you somehow decide not to take action. Whether that passion is to write, exercise, create, sing, dance, or whatever, do it. Even if you sing in the shower today, your love for singing becomes real, and who knows what can come next time? Maybe you'll write a song.
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"In every shadow there's a light"
Growing up in a simple and humble family wasn't easy. We didn't have much money, but we had each other, and that was enough to keep us going. I remember times when my parents worked really hard just to make sure we had food on the table, and as a kid, I didn't really understand just how much they sacrificed for us.
One particular memory that sticks out is when we had to do odd jobs, like working on farms or helping out neighbors, just to make some extra money. These jobs, called kupras, were what helped us survive during tough times. However, life in our hometown was far from easy. Shootings and violence were all too common, and my parents feared for our safety. In search of a better life, we made the difficult decision to move to Luzon, hoping to find better opportunities to sustain ourselves.
But life in the city wasn't what we expected. We moved around a lot, trying to find work, but it was never easy to make enough money. It felt like we were constantly chasing after something that was just out of reach. I started to lose hope that things would ever get better. When I was 12 years old, I had to face some harsh realities. I had to stop going to school and start helping my parents to support our family. Whether it was selling things or doing chores for people, I did whatever I could to help my parents . But no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed like enough. We were always struggling to get by, and it was really tough.
Just when we thought we were out of options, my aunt from Cebu reached out to us and offered us a chance for a fresh start. We were hesitant at first, but we were desperate for a change, so we decided to take a chance and move to Cebu, hoping that things would be better there. To our surprise, life in Cebu was different. It was slower-paced, and people were friendlier. There seemed to be more opportunities for us to make a living, and we finally started to feel like things were looking up. But even as our lives were getting better, I was still struggling with my own identity.
Growing up as a gay person in a society where being straight is seen as the norm wasn't easy. I felt different from a young age, and I worried about how people would react if they knew the truth about me. There were times when I questioned whether it was worth it to be open about my sexuality. But in the end, I realized that hiding who I am would only make me unhappy.Coming out was a big moment for me. It was scary to tell people about my sexuality, but it was also freeing. Being open about who I am allowed me to be true to myself and stop hiding. It wasn't always easy, but the sense of freedom I felt was worth it.
Being gay is a big part of who I am. It's not just about who I'm attracted to; it's about embracing my identity and being proud of who I am. Finding love and companionship as a gay person has been important to me, and it's made me feel happy and fulfilled.Of course, being gay isn't always easy. There are still people who discriminate against LGBTQ+ individuals, and that can be hard to deal with. But I refuse to let fear and hatred control my life.
In elementary school, I was bullied for not fitting in, and it was really hard for me.It wasn't until high school that I found the courage to be myself. Hiding who I was only made things worse, so I decided to embrace my true self and not let anyone else's opinions affect me. And surprisingly, once I did that, the bullies didn't bother me anymore. I had found strength in being true to myself, and it was empowering. Being gay has taught me a lot about resilience and strength. It's shown me that it's okay to be different and that love is love, no matter who it's between. And for that, I'm grateful.
But lucky me I have a loving parents who are always there for me they are blessing that I cherish deeply. They have been my rock, my guiding light through all the ups and downs of life. Their unwavering love and support have given me the strength and courage to navigate life's challenges with confidence and resilience.My parents have always been my biggest cheerleaders, encouraging me to pursue my dreams and ambitions, and standing by me every step of the way. In return, I am here for them, ready to offer my love, support, and assistance whenever they need it.
Looking back, I can see how every challenge I faced has helped shape me into the person I am today. I've learned to be resilient and to never give up, no matter how tough things get. And for that, I'm grateful.
Now, as my life continues, I know that there will always be challenges ahead. But I'm ready to face them head-on. Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but I've learned to embrace the journey, knowing that each obstacle I overcome makes me stronger. Facing challenges is never easy, but I've learned that resilience and determination can carry me through even the toughest times. Whether it's personal struggles, professional setbacks, or societal pressures, I'm prepared to meet each challenge with courage and perseverance.
Life as a gay person comes with its own set of challenges, but I refuse to let them hold me back. I'm proud of who I am, and I won't let anyone else's opinions or prejudices dictate my happiness. I'll continue to live authentically and unapologetically, forging my own path and creating a life that reflects my true self.
So, as my journey unfolds, I know that there will be obstacles to overcome and hurdles to face. But I also know that I have the strength, resilience, and determination to tackle whatever comes my way. And with each challenge conquered, I'll emerge stronger, wiser, and more determined than ever to live my life to the fullest.
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404 - ERR.
Not a working title. 6-10-23
"Not everyone is here yet, and some may never be. Do your best with them anyways, and always try to make them FEEL loved, really loved as you do." - SJ
With nothing in my notes, and struggling to find my way through to an entry, I got lost thinking about whether or not to chance the rain for work (ultimately decided against) and then went directly into being stuck in someone else's piece on Ghandhi.
It wasn't unpleasant. I stayed for a minute.
Just like a lot of the great movers and leaders that the world has been blessed with, he taught a lot in his limited but simple approaches.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” - MG
Gratitude and acceptance brings me as closely to living this quote as I've ever lived it before.
Sometimes I feel I'm at this even steven place with everything, but then I realize that if today my emotional well being, and mindset stay the same, that's better than slipping backwards. It's easy to backslide when we aren't paying enough attention. So maintaining that "sameness" can be just as important as moving forward. Trying our best is the point.
I still make mistakes. But. . . I don't lose sleep at night. Sleeping peacefully is attributed to trying to do better every time I realize that there is better to be had.
“An ounce of patience is worth more than a tonne of preaching.” - MG
Patience with me, my sons, the system and society that condemns. . .all of everything making strides forward.
Just patience.
One of the hardest virtues to live, if we're being honest with ourselves.
A worry for a son not doing as ok as they should that was on a roll for a minute, and one who could slip between the cracks of a broken judicial system that is not designed to help the poor or indigent work deals on behalf of themselves and their family is a couple of things on my heart and in my head as of late.
"Hire a lawyer!" Those words are the living embodiment of the classism that rules our country, and especially our courts.
Got money?
Get a lawyer and the same punishments to pertain to you. Simple as that.
It's why patience, and a little bit of networking with others that care might just win the day, a day.
“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” - MG
There are a lot of bad people in the world. Most participating in the institutions and such, that rule our lives. But it's not all.
In comparison, they are a small piece of the larger puzzle.
It helps that we can stand together to combat these. . ."people". It also helps that a lot of the mildly bad ones are usually weak and too afraid to fight in the light.
Most people you meet every day or that you know already are good people.
There is delusion in some, and brokenness in others, and as I said before, a little malice or contempt in others, and that doesn't erase every good, not automatically.
Most, carry good hearts.
Hell, I don't even live outside of contempt. I just got through saying how strongly I disagree with our system of justice. I mean,I wrote about contempt for a forced living condition in a society that largely doesn't care about individuals when gathered collectively (in mind or body or online. Lol). That's on both sides of almost every issue about people.
We have to plead(?) to the human, emotional side of those like that. And we won't always win, but that doesn't mean we won't succeed. Finding common ground also goes a long way. A very, very long way.
If you believe you're living the change you want to see, and speaking up for that side when you can, against an outward opponent(s), or some with just differing view points then you are winning, even if you don't win.
On an even brighter side, I did sleep in until 6 am.
Also get to see some of the grandlittles this weekend. 2 are spending the night, and we are taking them to my other granddaughters birthday glow paint party event.
Winning.
So much winning. Lol
Remember to share your love, that real love, and your laughter with the world at large. Love harder those who fall short of loving others the right way themselves.
And here's something new, BE KIND. Ok, maybe it's not new, but it's still a great way to make others feel like more than zero.
Until next week;
"There's welcome, and then there's truly welcome.
Do you feel welcome?" - SJ
Does fate have a pattern?
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oh, my dear Monica, you grew on me so much, i check your blog at least once a day to see if you updated, answered asks or reblogged something with tags. I'm glad my message made you feeling cared for and made you smile 💛💜 I'm very very glad. you know, right now I'm not doing well. my family is falling apart because my parents can't decide if they want a divorce or nah (I'm feeling so silly that I, 26 years adult, worry about it. but i live with them and they treated me not badly. of course I'm worrying for them. but still.), my work is shitty and I'm payed not much (but there's a lot less work than it used to be. and i have good colleagues. i feel like i don't have the right to complain about it because at least i have work and getting some money. but. but.), my sleep became much lighter and now i woke up from smallest noise(and my parents make a lot of noise when they argue) and it's so exhausting. i got sick (I'm sure it's because of my not good sleep and constant stress). i stopped responding to messages from everyone just because i feel so isolated in my mind and i just don't. know. what. to. do. with my life. sure, get out of your parent's house, find a new job and seek a psychologist's help but I'm feeling exhausted just from thinking about it. I'm telling you all this because i want you to know that i was reeeeally glad when you said you felt loved. your answer made me smile too. and when you wished me all the kind things in the tags I was feeling very touched. thank you for being so kind and lovely. wish i could go for a walk with you and blabber about fandoms and weather and sit with you on seaside (💙) and just look into the distance and put my head on your shoulder hszxjjh if you wouldn't mind of course. hope your boss will be reasonable and will let you have your well deserved rest. I wish you the best 💛
i would absolutely love to go for a walk by the sea and talk with you about everything, anon, and please know that my shoulder is always here for you to rest on, even if it's just on the spiritual plane. im really glad if my silly little blog can make you smile and give you some kind of comfort 💜💜
im so sorry you're going through such a hard time. for what it's worth, i think that it's completely understandable to worry about your parents and feel bad when they fight. just because you're an adult it doesn't mean that it's any easier to deal with something like this. on the contrary, you are actually aware of the situation and of what it implies in a way that children simply can't be, so if anything it can be even harder for you to carry all this weight now. i also think we all have a little right to complain. like, yeah, there are always gonna be people who have it worse than us, just like there are always gonna be people who have it better than us, our feelings are still valid, our struggles are still real
all this to say that i really hope you're gonna be able to prioritize yourself and your well-being, which sure, in the long run it does probably mean move out, find a new job and talk with a therapist, but the small every day things count too, and before you can focus on the big changes you have to take care of yourself in any little way you can. i feel like im not in a place where i can give you advice but i wish you'll be able to eat well, drink enough water and find something to smile about every day. maybe you can also try to talk to your parents about their arguments affecting your sleep so you can get some good rest
also i know it's hard since i tend to isolate myself as well when im not doing okay, but reaching out to people is very important because we can't carry everything by ourselves. if it's easier talking to me rn rather than someone you know in rl, then please know that im here for you, whether if it's to lend you an ear or scream about fandom stuff or offer some comfort. im holding your hand tight and sending you all the love 💜💜
#i hope you'll feel loved too anon because you are i love you!!!!!#wishing for things to get better soon and for you to have a good day!!!!#🫂💜🫂💙🫂💛#m: ask
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Our choices and their consequences
"Choice" is a very loaded word, we use it in many contexts. In our lives, we need to make many choices, almost every moment offers us a choice, and even in instances where we feel there is no choice, we do make a choice, knowingly or unknowingly. Apart from genetics and a few other things we need to make some choices daily, and our choices have consequences. The choice can be as simple as how many spoons of sugar to have to as complicated as who to marry or which job offer to select among the multiple options. Based on the results (consequences) of our choice, we decide whether it was a good or a bad choice. That is, most of us grade our choices based on their consequences, as it is always easy to connect the dots backward.
However, I feel that there are some choices where you may experience unfavorable or bad consequences, but are still worthy to make, not because of the consequences we face but because of the stand we take and the impact it may have. Being right or being nice and saying no to various requests from our dear ones are two of the choices many of us hate to make. It is easy to say no to a stranger, but it is not easy to say no to friends and family or even to colleagues. We always struggle to value our own time and say yes to many things we don't want to do just not to hurt the feelings of our dear ones. We hesitate to reject requests that demand our time, attention, and resources, even for the right reasons. But, the ability to say no is very important for our well-being and personal growth. And if people really care for us, they should understand the reason behind our refusal, after all, what type of relationship it is if it cannot offer personal space to each other and the ability to say no. Similarly, it is not easy to decide which battle to pursue and where to yield, especially when we deal with our family members or when someone we know is being a bigot or racist and need a reality check. It is easy to question or stand up against racism or discrimination when someone we don't know is doing it. It is easy to advocate for change in someone else's life and target some big and powerful organizations or celebrities for their objectionable behavior. But we hesitate or ignore the same behavior when the person is someone close or known to us, for example, our parents, friends, or our partners. We try to downplay such incidents or find some reason to justify them as harmless acts. This makes us a hypocrite person, a person with double standards, but we are more comfortable being a hypocrite than being uncomfortable. Again, this is a choice we make. Being a hypocrite or bigot or racist is a choice and we do become these things not only by doing such acts but by ignoring or supporting them.
It is easy to have principles and propagate them, but it is hard to live by them. It is easy to have standards, but it is hard to apply those standards to ourselves and evaluate our own behavior. It is easy to advocate for change, but it is hard to be the change. It is easy to criticize others, but it is hard to be a self-critic. Some choices are hard, but are necessary, especially if you have some principles and believe in them. If you believe in gender equality, you need to stand up if you witness gender discrimination. If you are against racism, speak up against racist behavior. It might sound easy to stand up against wrong things, after all, who doesn't want to do this, but it is not always that simple, especially when one else is doing anything. People may hesitate to speak due to fear of losing a job, a relationship, or any other loss. If you chose to stand up, the chances are that you may find yourself standing alone. Being alone sucks, it is not easy to challenge institutionalized things like discrimination alone, and even standing against a powerful person or your own family and friends is not easy. There are consequences, loneliness is one of them, and that's a choice we need to make. Do we have our values just for display, or they are also for practice? Do our principles mean anything to us, or they are just topics of debate and discussion? If they do really mean something to us, then we should choose accordingly. Of course, consequences will follow, but then that's the choice we make.
Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.
Vinay can be reached at [email protected]
From: https://selfrealization-vinay.blogspot.com/
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Screaming HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY to my very first & bestest friend I ever gained in this life. I am so beyond lucky to call you my brother.
Since it has been over 9 months since I've last seen you in person or hugged you, and this is probably the first year in our lives I have not been with you on your birthday to celebrate (and I'm sad about it), I obviously had to make a long and sappy FB post. So here it goes.....
My Dearest Bubba, I love you more than I could ever really put into words (but I will still try my hardest). You will always be my most and undoubtedly favorite person on this earth. (Even though when I was finally born, you asked mom and dad to bring me back to the hospital as soon as they brought me home for the first time, because you decided you didn't want a sister, I STILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.)You have always been and continue to be the absolute most important person I will ever have in my life. You are my biggest supporter, as I am yours, and our bond only gets stronger with time. You're the one I have shared my most special and memorable experiences, loudest laughs, saddest cries, and deepest secrets with. You may be 3 years older, but in our hearts, we both know we've always been and acted more like twins than just siblings.
From you choosing what my name would be when mom was still pregnant with me, to teaching me how to play video games, to us acting up in church & then going home to get simultaneous spankings, to binging me to my first bar ever when I turned 18 (& then taking care of a very drunk me), to bringing me to get my first tattoo, to us doing an Ouija board in the swamp and abandoned churches/buildings, to bringing me to some of the best concerts and shows (RIP MAC) I've ever experienced, to us simply binge-watching Criminal Minds on repeat for over 10+ years, to us screaming Never Let You Down by Rita Ora and Vanessa Carlton songs on the top of our lungs on car rides, or making ourselves into family guy characters and giving yourself peg legs....you have been there through it all. You have never abandoned me or left my side no matter the reason; whether if it's simply to make fun of me, encourage or push me to be my best self, guide me, or just be a comfort, you have always looked out for me and supported me without any ounce of judgement.
I have always looked up to you more than anyone in this world. Your bravery, confidence, and unconditional love go unmatched by anyone else I've ever known.
In 2009, at only 17 years old...you endured one of the most traumatic experiences any human (much less a teenager) could ever experience. In just a split second, you were almost taken away from our family. BUT, being the STRONG, PERSISTENT and HARD-HEADED warrior that you are, not only fought, BUT overcame, conquered and grew from your accident. It was/has been a extremely tough and long journey, but in the end YOU proved EVERYONE wrong that originally told us you were not coming back to us, or that you would not be able to walk, talk and live a normal life again. You knew you were not done on this earth and overcame the impossible. You are this family's living, breathing, walking MIRACLE and I don't know a single person who does not look up to you. You are the most selfless, headstrong, compassionate, and understanding person I have ever been blessed with knowing. Even through your own struggles and battles, there has NEVER been a time where you don't put someone else's well-being, feelings, and needs before your own. No matter how small or enormous it may be, you are always the one to make sure everyone else is okay before you even think about yourself. You deserve everything and nothing less than anything you dream of and aspire to be in this life. I hope you realize how many people in this world you have touched, inspired, and been a light for in your 30 years on this earth. I hope you have the best damn birthday that you've ever had and know how bad I can't wait to wrap my arms around you and see you again in 9 days!!!!! HAPPY DIRTY 30 TO THE BEST BROTHER, SON , FRIEND, DOG & CAT UNCLE, & DOG DAD TO EVER EXIST!!! I HOPE THIS NEW DECADE IS YOUR BEST ONE YET!! I LOVE YOU FOR INFINITY!!!!
#birthday#family#love#blood#brother#sibling#twin#family members#big brother#thankful#healing#support#best friends
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Full story
There is no doubt that the three of you will be visiting Red's home. It's a big, chaotic family; you'll fit right in.
There is no doubt that the three of you will not be visiting Green's home. Green's as close with their parents as they are with their coworkers, except the coworkers don't have a childhood's worth of baggage.
Whether you will visit your family... depends on how this goes.
No pressure, right?
Your headmates have been a... touchy topic in the past. It definitely didn't help that the second time you mentioned them was an apology for lying during the first time. Followed by a description of the faun you were in a long-distance relationship with. And the feathered dragon you were also in a long-distance relationship with. And how the long-distance was essentially infinite-distance.
You essentially ended that conversation by saying you wouldn't bring them up unless they brought them up first. And they did a few times, but always as your "telephone friends." And never acknowledging any of the otherworldly aspects.
You were really glad Red and Green saw the same things you saw. Because it was obvious your parents were trying to relate, trying to show interest; but you weren't sure what would be a bridge too far.
If anything, it would be this.
"So," you say, leaning onto the outdoor dining table at the hottest breakfast spot outside of town, "things have changed, and I'm going to go meet Alex and Euty."
(You use the English-ized version of Alex; you have ever since they winced the first few times you pronounced it correctly.)
There's a flash of confusion across their faces before your dad smiles. "That's great!" he says. "Are you going to... their place?"
You saw the mental hiccup as he was saying that: it's they/them, but I think there's two of them, so is it still 'their'? It's a little frustrating, but at this point, the three of you are genuinely happy he's trying.
It's like the early days of your bond: trying to communicate foreign concepts by getting to the root of the idea. Red and Green had no idea you were a programmer, after all, but still managed to teach you something about it. "We found a middle ground that all of us can get to," you explain. "It's relatively new, so it's not surprising that we didn't find out about it until now."
"So you're going... abroad?" your mom says, pausing because she knows it's a euphemism.
You nod. "I've been told there's internet access, so I should be able to stay in touch. No idea how consistent it is, though. Other than that, though, it's basically off the grid."
You can tell that thought makes her more uneasy. "Will you be okay if something happens?"
"Definitely," you say with a fierce nod. "There's..." You struggle for a moment to find the right concept.
Green assists. They've gotten really good at this sort of thing.
"There's a village," you say. "They've got food, housing, and a medical clinic. We've already got a place with our name on it, and if I understand it correctly, I will have my car if we need it."
She's mollified a bit. "How long do you think you'll be gone?"
This is the part you're really concerned with. Anyone can understand taking a trip to see someone. It's a little different when it's
"Six months," you say, trying your best to be confident in your answer. "We want to give ourselves enough time to... be together before deciding what comes next."
You wish you could take that last phrase back, you can tell it scared her.
You panic a bit. Red supplies the quick fix. "I'm not saying goodbye," you say quickly. You visibly close your eyes, trying to make it obvious you're taking it seriously. "We want to have enough time to decide if we're going to live together long-term, and if so, where. But no matter what, I'm going to stay in touch with you. I'm still going to see you, hopefully around the holidays among other times."
Your dad chimes in. "You might be moving farther away."
You nod. "I don't know, but I didn't want to blindside you if I did."
He smiles at you. Your mom is trying to smile, but you can tell she's working through her own fears. "Just invite us to the wedding," he says.
You can’t help but smile. You have no idea what a wedding would look like for the three of you, but of course you’d imagined something. “Absolutely,” you say.
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Hello :) I was wondering if I could make a not so interesting request and I hope you don't mind 😅 So, like reader has kids with mob Tom Holland and you can decide the genders and number of kids they have and stuff and how would the whole family react to one of reader's friends constantly pursuing reader's love and when reader tells them that she's married and has kids, the lil shit is like "It's all right, just divorce them'' I have a feeling no one will be taking this lightly.....
Hey! I LOVED this idea!! I did switch it up to a co-worker because that's the first thing I thought of when I read this but I can definitely see him grudgingly having to put up with a childhood friend who just won't quit trying to make the reader see how in love with them they are. I feel like I need to write that too now....
Hope you're having a great day, take care and stay safe lovey 💜💜
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Warnings: Some swearing, and super sleaze ball energy
1,389 words
“It’s just drinks,” you laughed as Tom buried his face into your neck with a sigh. You focused on the mirror, touching up your hair and smoothing over your outfit. It was just drinks but it was with your new work team. You’d all only met last week and you’d suggested a night out as a team building exercise. Nothing broke the new job nerves better than alcohol and bad karaoke.
Tweaking his curls you smiled as Tom reluctantly met your gaze in the mirror.
“You say that, but you’re not the one being left with the terrible two,” he grumbled.
You turned to cup his face, laughing at his small pout and chocolate puppy dog eyes.
“Is my big bad mob boss afraid of a couple teenagers?” you teased.
“I’m not afraid of them,” he growled. “I just don’t understand them. All I get are grunts and sighs from Thomas and with Katelyn its like she speaks a different language all together.” Hands wrapping around your waist he pulled you tight against him.
“Plus, you look too stunning to be let out without a chaperone. I think I need to come with you.” His hands wandered to your backside, fingers creeping down to lift the hem of your dress. “Or, you could stay home,” he purred seductively as he gripped the bare skin of your thighs.
As much as you didn’t want to you wriggled out of his grip. “We’ll have plenty of time for that when I get home.”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” he winked.
A horn blared from outside and you cursed, you didn’t want to be late. Tom deftly swept you into your jacket and handed you your purse.
“Have a good time, darling,” he said as you kissed him on the cheek quickly. With an appalled huff, he reeled you in for a proper kiss, holding you captive until the taxi beeped their horn again.
“I won’t be late. Have fun,” you called over your shoulder as you hurried out the front door.
----
The bar was packed already and you were struggling to find your table when a heavy hand landed on the small of your back.
“It’s Y/N right?” Relieved you found yourself staring up at one of your new co-workers. Your brain faltered for a second before finding his name.
“Max?” He smiled in a cocky overconfident way before leaning in closer.
“You can call me whatever you like, sweetheart.” You grimaced a smile, subtly inching back from him as the stench of his cologne clouded around you.
“Where’s the team table?” you asked, pointedly turning away and scanning the room again.
“It’s in the back corner.” When you moved in the direction he’d indicated he caught your arm. “The table service is pretty slow, if you want a drink we can get one from the bar.”
“I’m happy to wait. I’m going to go re-introduce myself to everyone.” Breaking out of his hold you strode to the table, the prickling feeling of being watched crawling over you until you were swept into the embrace of your favourite work friend.
“I’m so glad you’re here! I was talking about our last project and this one here,” she hooked a thumb at one of the young interns, “doesn’t believe we wrote the whole presentation ourselves after tequila shots.”
You laughed at the memory. When it came to work you took it seriously, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have been promoted to executive and leading this new team. However, that didn’t mean you didn’t know how to have some fun.
You fell into an easy conversation with them both and others of the party drifted over sporadically to shake your hand and introduce themselves a bit more.
“We’ve already met but I’ll take five minutes with you over everyone else.” A voice said at your ear. You already knew from the overpowering smell of cologne it was Max. Now it was mixed with a strong dose of rum and turned your stomach. He lounged against the table in front of you.
“Tell me, who did you have to sleep with to get this job? And is there a sign up sheet?” he winked. Your skin crawled. Tight lipped you judged whether you could justify wasting a perfectly good drink by dumping it over his head. You cast a critical eye over him. As much as he was dressed like a man of business his suit was clearly off the rack. It was too small in the shoulders and had a slight polyester sheen to it. He could pretend all he liked but he hadn’t worked on a team this high up before. If he had he’d be better dressed.
“That’s funny, I was just about to ask how much your daddy had to spent to get you on the team.” His eyes flashed dangerously then he slowly grinned.
“You’re feisty. I like that.” His gaze shamelessly travelled over you. You refused to cross your arms over your chest under his lecherous stare. You’d dealt with worse, you reminded yourself.
“I need another drink.” You told him bluntly and walked off towards the bar. You reluctantly tamped down the urge to fire him. This was outside of business hours, you’d deal with it on Monday morning you told yourself. You just had to get through the rest of the night first.
You’d just reached the bar when his hand gripped at your waist and his fetid breath washed over your neck.
“Keep running away, I like a challenge. It’ll only make it sweeter when I have you writhing under-”
Spinning you shoved him away.
“I’m happily married,” you snapped in disgust.
He only leered at you. “That’s what divorce is for, sweetheart.” Your fingers tightened on your glass as you readied to throw the contents of it at him.
“Get your sleazy hands away from my mum!” You blinked in surprise as Katelyn elbowed her way through the crowd to jab a finger in Max’s face. “Yeah, I’m talking to you, you piece of shit.”
“Katelyn.” you tried to scold her but the weight of it was lost as you laughed.
“You heard her.” Tom’s voice was dangerously low as he stalked to stand beside you. “If you so much as breath in the direction of my wife again it’ll be the last time you do anything.” A cocky smile covered Max’s face until Thomas stopped behind him and dug his hands into his shoulders.
“You heard my dad. If you have any common sense you won’t mess with us.”
Max snorted, “You think I’m scared of you? I could steal your wife any day-”
“Mr Holland, I wasn’t expecting you tonight.” The flustered manager of the bar accompanied by two security guards faltered as he took in the scene. “Is there an issue here?”
“There is, this idiot is threatening me,” Max sneered.
The manager didn’t divert his attention away from Tom for a second.
“This man’s been harassing my wife, could you escort him out Eddie?” Tom asked the closest guard.
“Sure thing, boss.”
“Boss?” Max scoffed. “What did you do? Pay them off? How pathetic.”
“I called him boss because he owns the place.” Eddie scowled, grabbing a fistful of Max’s suit jacket. Mouth gaping his beady eyes flickered between you and Tom.
“Fuck,” he swore as the pin finally dropped. You were surprised it had taken him this long to work it out. There weren’t many Holland’s in town after all.
“In case it isn’t perfectly clear, you’re fired.” you snapped. You watched him get dragged away, the crowd parting like the sea to avoid him.
“What are you all doing here?” you asked as Katelyn wrapped you in a hug from behind.
“Eddie called dad,” Thomas said, as if it was obvious.
“You had him watching me?”
“I always have someone watching you. I need to know you’re safe when I’m not with you.” Pulling you into his arms he captured your mouth, hand possessively winding around the nape of your neck as he kissed you deeply.
“Ew!” Katelyn complained just as Thomas said, “I think I’ve lost my appetite.”
Laughing you pulled back to swat playfully at them both.
“You just made sure I’m forever stuck with your dad, get used to it,” you smiled.
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hearts intertwined | t.s.
— You and Todoroki have been roommates for months now but have barely had more than a two minute conversation. When quarantine hits and everyone is on lockdown, you find yourself forced to spend more time with him and actually end up...enjoying it?
pairing: todoroki shouto x reader
word count: 3,055
genre: roommate au, pro hero!shouto, fluff
warnings: suggestive content, 16+, mc and todo are both mid-20s
a/n: this is written as part of the crackhead sanctuary’s server collab! (pls excuse my server name lmfdkgfdg i have terrible naming skillz) i hope y’all enjoy and pls lmk what u think!! xx sof
In many ways, Todoroki Shouto was the perfect roommate.
He cleaned up after himself, always made an extra serving of food and set it aside for you (though it may only have been because he sucked at measuring out ingredients rather than him intentionally planning on leaving you leftovers), and generally kept his volume to a minimum when entering the apartment at ungodly hours of the night.
There was also the fact that he was the most attractive person you had ever shared a living space with in your life, and seeing him shirtless on his way to his bedroom from the bathroom was a definite bonus.
But despite all that, he was never someone you considered yourself close to.
You needed help paying for rent and expenses and he happened to be a friend of a friend of a friend who was looking for a place in the city to stay. Call it a divine intervention, a gift from the gods, or even fate… But you still wouldn’t consider yourself his friend.
It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to befriend him--Todoroki seemed like a sweet person. It was more along the lines of neither of you having the time. While you spent most of your day in the lab studying and doing research, Todoroki was always working in his office or out in the field to fulfill his new hero duties.
This quarantine was probably the first opportunity either of you had to be in the same building for more than thirty minutes at a time. Which was why, as the two of you sat side-by-side on the living room sofa, no one knew exactly what to say.
“So, the weather--”
“Looks warm out--”
Both of you opened your mouths and shut them at the same time.
“Sorry,” Todoroki said with a small smile. “You first.”
“I-- Oh… It was nothing,” you managed, clearing your throat in an attempt to compose yourself. “Just trying to make some small talk.”
With a tight-lipped smile and wide eyes, you slowly craned your head away from his view. Who admits they’re trying to make small talk? That breaks all the rules of how to properly talk to someone.
The faint sound of the television playing old infomercials buzzed in the background while you and your roommate sat in silence. You never struggled to talk to him during those brief moments of passing, so why now?
Looking at the screen to pass time, you noticed an outdated commercial of an older Tamagotchi game playing and felt yourself breaking out into a grin.
“Aw, I miss that game!” you cried as you turned to Todoroki with an excited glint in your eye. “Don’t tell anyone, but in elementary school I used to play it in class and since I was such a goody two-shoes, the teacher never suspected a thing.”
He raised an eyebrow in response. “I see we have ourselves a rebel in disguise here.”
“It’s our little secret, though. To everyone else, I am the epitome of innocence.”
You couldn’t help but notice the way his gaze travelled down your body and lingered on where the fabric of your oversized pajama shirt stopped and the expanse of your thigh started.
“Sure. I believe you,” he said in what was almost a teasing tone.
You felt your face growing hot but you paid it no mind.
“As you should,” you sniffed, crossing one leg over the other haughtily. When he chuckled, you turned back to him. “How about you? Are you a secret bad boy who played with his Tamagotchi in the back of class?”
Todoroki shook his head. “I never had one. I actually never even knew what it was until high school, I think.”
“Really?” Your eyes widened. Sure, the hand-held game was marketed to girls, but to never have heard about it through your whole childhood? You weren’t sure how that was possible. “Not even your older sister had one?”
Now, you didn’t know much about his personal life (whether or not he was dating someone, if he slept on the left or the right side of the bed, which leg he put in his pants first, et cetera), but you did pick up on a few things about his siblings from the previous interactions you’ve had with him.
“Not to my knowledge,” he said, looking away thoughtfully. “My father never afforded us such luxuries.”
You frowned. “What about toys like Pokemon? Oh! Or Yu-Gi-Oh cards?”
“Yu-Gi-Oh cards?” repeated Todoroki slowly, as if he was unsure what you were talking about.
Your jaw dropped in disbelief. “You never played--? Oh, never mind. How about family games like Twister or Just Dance?”
As far as you were aware, Todoroki Shouto came from a rather affluent family. So it was a wonder why he never participated in at least one of these experiences that characterized a whole generation’s childhood.
Again, he shook his head. “Never did those either. I wasn’t exactly allowed to play with my siblings, let alone other kids my age. My father always made me prioritize my training.”
“That’s not right of him.”
You winced. Of course he never had the opportunity to have a “normal” childhood. How could you be so insensitive? It was no secret Endeavor had a troubled relationship with his family, but you weren’t exactly sure to what extent. You didn’t focus much on the whimsical world of heroes and, ever since you were a child, you know you wanted to pursue the field of research rather than use your quirk. The lives of heroes--even top ranking ones--was something you never paid much attention to. Still, even you have heard some gossip about the estranged Endeavor.
“Sorry for pressing you,” you said, toying with the hem of your shirt. “I didn’t mean to be so insensitive.”
He gave you a nonchalant shrug and a small smile to let you know it was okay.
“Don’t worry about it, Y/L/N. You didn’t mean to,” he comforted. “Besides, it’s been a long time. It would be useless to hold a grudge against my father for this long.”
You tilted your head to the side. “Forgiveness, huh? That’s very mature of you, Todoroki. I think I admire you.”
His shoulders moved upward in silent laughter. “Thank you. I admire you, too.”
Ignoring the faint heat you felt in your cheeks, you beamed. “Thanks. Anyway-- You know what I just realized?”
“What?”
“You did not have a childhood.”
While his face remained passive, you could have sworn you saw his eye crinkle in amusement.
“I suppose I can’t argue with that,” he said in agreement. “My youth was spent quite differently than most.”
You nodded profusely. “Right. And while I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with that, per se, it could be beneficial to do these things you haven’t had the chance to!”
He examined you curiously as you bounced up from your seat on the sofa with an excited grin. After a few moments of silence, he craned his neck, prompting you for clarification.
“You’re bored on lockdown, I’m bored on lockdown,” you stated matter-of-factly. “What better time to reclaim your childhood than now?”
Todoroki didn’t bother to hide the small smile making its way across his face at your determined words. “Okay, then. Count me in.”
- - - - -
When you decided you wanted to help your new friend Todoroki reclaim his childhood, you expected your days to be full of cute Beanie Babies and Webkinz, as well as the presumed amounts of chaos that followed edible bubbles and candy kits. And while the first few days of the week consisted of that, the tone changed rather drastically when a certain game was introduced. Of all things, what you expected least was to be practically panting on top of Shouto as you braced your muscles and tried not to collapse onto him.
“Left hand, blue,” he called after flicking the spinner.
How he managed to turn the spinner with one hand and keep his body balanced with the other on a Twister mat without toppling over was a mystery to you.
Stupid heroes with their stupid, bulging muscles, you thought crossly as you relived your many previous losses. You tried to ignore the bead of sweat dripping down your face as you struggled to stay up.
Somehow, you turned your head just enough that you had the perfect view of Todoroki’s flexed triceps as he held himself in a modified pushup position of sorts. There was a look of concentration on his face and, while you found his furrowed brows to be rather cute, you still couldn’t help but focus your attention on his arms. He had a lean type of muscle that you thought would feel especially comfortable wrapped around your waist--
“Y/L/N, do you forfeit?”
You blinked, feeling lightheaded both from this game which you lacked the stamina for and from the lack of oxygen that travelled to your brain as you held your breath while staring at Todoroki.
Once your mind processed his words, you huffed. “Forfeit! Me? Never! Why would you think that?”
“Because I called ‘left hand, blue,’ minutes ago and you still haven’t moved.”
Blood rushed to your face and you were thankful you had the exertion to blame it on. It wasn’t your fault Todoroki’s arms were so toned and strong and...distracting.
“No,” you said, unsure if there was even a question asked for you to reply to. “I don’t quit!”
Your eyes scanned the mat feverishly, looking for a blue circle to place your left hand on that would cause the least amount of strain. Shouto had already won the first two rounds and you’d be damned if you were to let him win again. (As much as you loved witnessing him succeed, your pride would simply be too hurt if you lost a third time in a row.)
“Find a spot yet?” he asked in amusement. “I’m not sure how much longer my arms can hold.”
Of course, just the mention of his arms drew your attention from finding the optimal Twister position to staring stupidly at his triceps again.
As you attempted to tear your gaze away from him, you spotted hints of a smirk lingering on Todoroki’s face.
Did he notice your staring? There was no way…
You looked at him, wide-eyed and dubious, and almost choked when you saw his shoulders start to shake as he tried to hide his laughter.
His laugh was muffled by his shirt in an attempt to keep his volume down, but it still rang rich and deep in the air. It was the first time you heard him laugh like that and you wanted to do anything to hear it again.
With a shake of his head, he removed his hands from their spot on the Twister board and sat upright beside you.
“I concede,” he said when he saw you eyeing him with curiosity. “You win this round. My arms were getting too sore.”
After hearing the sweet sound of Todoroki saying, “You win,” you let yourself collapse on the floor, rolling onto your back to get a clear view of your cream-colored ceiling.
“For some reason, I sincerely doubt that your arms were getting sore,” you said, stretching your own--genuinely sore--arms out in front of you. “But seeing as I was about to fall flat on my face if I waited any longer… Thank you for conceding.”
“Doubt I’d be sore?” he repeated, craning his neck to peer down at your face. He placed his left hand on his right bicep and gently massaged it with his thumb and forefinger. “What for?”
By then, whatever rational thought was left in your brain had been fully replaced by Shouto’s arms and Shouto’s arms only, and you couldn’t even complain.
“Mmm, what did you say again?” You blinked, clearing your throat. You suddenly had the desire to chug a cool glass of water.
Todoroki’s only reply was another small--almost imperceptible--smirk. It would have been easy for someone to miss, but to you, someone who was perhaps being more attentive to their roommate and newfound friend than they’d care to admit, it was clear as day.
“You’re totally messing with me!” you groaned, covering your face with your hands as you continued to lie with your back on the floor. “Aren’t you?”
He let out a breathy laugh and shrugged, the corners of his lips quirking upwards. “Sorry. It’s just cute seeing your reactions. I didn’t know you liked my arms so much.”
You could’ve sworn he flexed once more for dramatic effect and an indignant squeak escaped your mouth.
“I-I don’t!” you protested, making sure to look anywhere but his arms. “I just never noticed how...proportionate they were before! Just thinking about how da Vinci would admire them. For scientific purposes, of course.”
“Sure.”
You gaped at the knowing look on his face. “How did you even notice? Aren’t you a bit of the oblivious type?” With wide eyes, you slapped your hand over your mouth. “Wait-- I’m sorry. That was rude to say.”
Todoroki waved it off with a smile to show he wasn’t offended in the slightest. “I guess I was rather oblivious in the beginning of high school. But as I grew up I became more accustomed to picking up on such things.”
You hummed in silent contemplation. Of course he had to have grown used to people making moon eyes over him. He probably got it all the time.
“I usually pay it no mind,” he continued as he stood up, peering down at you sprawled out on the floor. “But when you do it, I find it sort of cute.”
As if he didn’t just say something that caused your heart to skip a beat, Todoroki extended a hand out to help you up.
Ignoring the heat rushing to your cheeks, you gently placed your hand in his.
“Thanks,” you murmured as Shouto pulled you off the mat and towards his body, a feeling of lightheadedness overcoming you at the sudden motion.
One hand held yours while his other was placed firmly above your elbow to help you steady yourself.
“You okay, Y/L/N?” he asked, a hint of concern in his voice as he watched you regain your balance.
“Oh, yeah! No worries. This happens all the time, to be honest,” you admitted, vaguely taking note of how your chest was almost fully pressed against his. “Whenever I move my head too fast I get a bit dizzy. And whenever I stand too fast my knees sort of just crack.”
Your words did nothing to soothe the worried furrow between his brows.
“Is...Is that not normal?”
He blinked.
You grimaced. “Okay. Guess not. Maybe I need to work out more.”
“You can work out indoors with me,” Todoroki suggested with a small smile. He looked so sincere you were just about to agree until he opened his mouth for a second time-- “As long as you don’t spend the whole workout gawking at my arms.”
With an indignant cry, you pulled yourself away from his loose grip, face burning with such intensity you wouldn’t be surprised if he were able to sense the rise in temperature. “I never gawked at your arms.”
He hummed.
“Well, okay, maybe I did,” you relented with a huff, bending down to fold up the game mat in front of you. “They look very strong. Being a hero must be hard work.”
Todoroki shrugged, helping you clean up. “It’s worth the toll it takes. I can imagine your research requires hard work too.”
You tried to hide the look of surprise on your face. You briefly talked to him about what you did during the roommate-finding process, but you didn’t think it was anything interesting enough for him to recall. It brought an odd warmth to your stomach knowing he cared enough to remember.
“I guess. But I’d say it’s nowhere near as difficult as hero work,” you brushed off. “Not everyone has what it takes to be a good hero.”
A faint blush colored his cheeks as he followed you into the kitchen for a glass of water.
“There are lots of great heroes,” he stated, filling up two cups and handing one to you.
“Yeah, there are. And greatness is one thing, but you’re a good one-- In the heart.” Your gaze flitted to his, unsure why you were filled with the sudden urge to have such an intimate conversation after a game of Twister. Still, you rolled with it. “I know we haven’t talked much prior to this lockdown...but even I can tell how caring you are. And I’m looking forward to getting to know you more.”
A comfortable silence filled the air as he took a seat beside you. If Shouto was taken aback by your sudden compliment, he did a good job at hiding it, simply giving you a small smile as he let his shoulder rest against yours. You glanced over at the point of contact and bubbled with elation.
“Todoroki?” you called quietly, the edge of your pinky brushing against his.
He looked down at the gentle touch of your hand and didn’t move away. Instead, he took the initiative and placed his fingers on top of yours, his hand surprisingly soft despite the calluses on his fingertips. The back of your neck heated at the sudden movement, but you decided you rather liked how his hands felt on yours.
“Hmm?”
“Thanks for letting me drag you along to play these childhood games,” you said, letting out a sigh of contentment. “It’s a nice change of pace while we’re stuck indoors.”
Shouto shook his head. “I should be the one thanking you. These are much better childhood memories than the ones from my actual childhood,” he admitted with a light laugh. “I’m glad we had the opportunity to spend more time together, Y/L/N.”
By now your fingers were intertwined with his, his thumb lightly stroking the peak of your knuckle.
He continued, “I hope this continues even when quarantine is over.”
“I hope it does, too.” You couldn’t stop the grin from spreading wide across your face as you nuzzled your head on his shoulder. “Let’s keep making memories together, okay, Todoroki?”
“Happily.”
#this fic is just an excuse for me to simp over todorokis arms for 3k words#yes i put intertwined in the name purely bc they play twister u.u#bnha x reader#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha#mha x reader#bnha imagines#bnha fanfiction#mha imagines#mha fanfiction#todoroki x reader#todoroki shouto x reader#todoroki shoto x reader#shouto x reader#shoto x reader#shoto todoroki x reader#bnha fluff#bnha scenarios#pro hero shouto#server collab#mha scenarios#todoroki shouto#todoroki shoto#bnha todoroki#todoroki imagines
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Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!
The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.
Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.
I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.
So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?
Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.
So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.
What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?
It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”
So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.
Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?
Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.
I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.
I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.
Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.
Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.
How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?
I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.
At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.
So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?
I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.
I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.
Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?
I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”
But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.
Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?
Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.
Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?
Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.
There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.
Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?
Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.
Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.
Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.
Did you take anything from the set at all?
I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.
Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?
I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.
There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.
Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?
Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.
Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.
Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?
Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.
#LOVED THIS#cameron monaghan#shameless#shameless us#ian gallagher#gallavich#noel fisher#mickey milkovich#jerome valeska#the joker#gotham#jeremiah valeska#mr j#cal kestis#jedi fallen order#star wars
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