Do I actually think Imogen is going to turn on the party? No. I don't think it’s any more likely to happen than I did Fjord releasing Uk’otoa, or Caleb returning to Trent and the Vollstruckers.

Given the nature of the game, any character turning fully dark is unlikely, seeing as it would take them away from the party for a time or potentially even turn them into an npc, replaced by a new pc. So far the only time we've gotten close to seeing something like it happen was Yasha siding with Obann, which could only happen specifically because Ashley was gone from the table for a long time (it was also the product of mind control, not an active choice to turn dark, and as such still doesn’t really count as a pc turning on the party in my eyes).

But the possibility is there. The seeds planted. Travis has talked about how, after he threw the falchion away, he briefly considered having Fjord leave the party and retun to the coast and Uk’otoa. Liam has mentioned that, early on, Caleb returning to work for Trent was a very real possibilty. It can happen, if the players and narrative are open to it.

And now, canonically, Imogen is desperately and understandably searching for a reason not to have to fight her own mother. She is, however briefly, questioning whether the Ruby Vanguard might have a just cause. Much as she hates it, she also feels the allure of the power Ruidus gives her. Her closest ally is someone who has repeatedly assured she will stand by her no matter what she chooses, even after she voiced the possibility of letting Predathos get out. None of these parts of Imogen are evil, and all of them are understandable and deeply rooted in pain and ostracization, but they could very easily be turned into justification, were she pushed enough.

The seeds are planted. Again, I don’t think it will happen (she seems firmly against the evil plan when reminded of how evil it is), but there’s certainly nothing strange or hateful about engaging with and being interested in the darker possibilities as presented in canon. It isn't character hate to acknowledge that Imogen has the potential to go dark, much as Fjord and Caleb and Yasha. To me, it’s what makes her character interesting. I want to see her clash with the party, whether because she’s desperate to save her own mother or because she’s high off the power of Ruidus and lured in. I want to see Laudna have to choose between the world and her promise to stand by Imogen no matter what. I want to see the fallout, the slow healing and redemption and coming to terms with bad choices. I eat that shit up, and if it doesn’t happen in canon I'll probably go read some fic about it to get my fix.

do you really think the reason Imogen doesnt get as much meta as Caleb (who got every little detail discussed with thousands of notes!) is because people are afraid of a reaction, when its so obviously sexism?

The same reason she doesn't get the exact number of notes as Caleb? No. There's multiple reasons. I'm sure some is misogyny. Some is probably audience size for the respective campaigns, and some is simply accumulation over time - a post about Caleb from 2019 has had 5 years to gather notes.

But also. Are you fucking stupid. You literally showed up because of my tags to be kind of a dick in my inbox. I and multiple people who committed the grave sin of *checks notes* interacting with me were sent hate messages for hours on a Saturday night because I hinted in the tags that I kind of liked Fearne and Ashton as a ship while not being terribly into Imogen and Laudna, and some absolutely deranged loser decided this was an appropriate response. I was called out by someone who had made a blog specifically to block me when I responded to a reblog from someone else on a post I had made stating that Gelvaan was almost certainly not homophobic in canon and that treating Imogen's psychic powers as a metaphor for queerness has a lot of really unfortunate implications. And this hasn't even touched on that one person whose entire raison d'etre appears to be harassing every single person who doesn't think Imogen, Laudna, and their relationship is perfect; and who specifically made multiple alts to harass me. Like, the "It's Obviously Misogyny" people are genuinely putting more effort into being a dick to me than in writing meta about Imogen. You might be one of them.

I talk to many of my mutuals, some of whom really like Imogen, and yes, people do decide "you know, this could be interpreted by someone as too critical, and I don't feel like dealing with the heat" and keep that meta to the DMs or don't share it at all.

You know that post that Matt liked on Twitter that people have been, let's not mince words, jacking themselves off about ever since? If you actually try to say something with substance and evidence about how Imogen has Liliana's fear (the fear that meant that when Imogen begged her mother to leave the Vanguard, Liliana turned her own daughter down, claiming to need to stay with other children) or Delilah's love (which made her cruel, ruthless, and ultimately all-but doomed her) or Ludinus's desire for power (led him to commit endless atrocities) but resists these things in her desire to be a good person - and frankly, I think painting her with the same brush as Delilah or Ludinus isn't even true but I would love to dig into her similarities to Liliana - some asshole who smugly reblogs that post every time someone says "not to be controversial I think Imogen sometimes says things that could maybe be hurtful to other people I think" will throw a full temper tantrum and might send them an incoherent anon calling them a little hypocrite.

It's also fascinating because a lot of the tantrum-havers who will defend Imogen of even the most anodyne "perhaps this is not the most positive trait" and who will cite harassment Marisha received 7 years ago as a reason to not breathe a word of criticism about Laudna - and many of these people joined the fandom about 2 years ago if not sooner - will do this at the very people who have been supporting Keyleth since Campaign 1 was still airing. I mean, seniority doesn't mean anything but if you're lecturing people about something you weren't there for and they were? Clown behavior. Oh and a lot of those people doing the lecturing? Don't really like Keyleth very much, because she does things like "be angry" and "support Orym" and "have a measured viewpoint that doesn't match theirs" and "pretty clearly, along with Allura, who they also barely ever talk about, is directing Bells Hells along a specific path of that pesky moon plot because contrary to a weirdly widespread belief this is the moon plot campaign and not the baking cookies in a cottage campaign."

I mean, half these people forget about Fearne much of the time. The only NPCs I see many of them even talk about are the Vanguard generals and occasionally Abbadina when she's convenient for an argument. Not a damn word for Orlana or Birdie or Dancer or Weva or Rashinna, and they mostly treated Deanna, Prism, and Deni$e as nothing more than implements to shove Imogen and Laudna together but man do they have mountains to say about Bor'Dor. Hell, go to the blog of someone who whines about the way people treat Imogen and look through their meta, if they have it, and the vast majority of the time it's about Ashton and Orym and Ludinus and then they spend the rest of the time complaining about how The Big Mean Fandom is So Mean to Girls but they sure don't have much to say either because turns out if you can't say anything even remotely critical of a female character, it's really hard to write anything, and that's assuming they actually care about writing about female characters instead of just being an asshole, which as stated above is, in my mind, in doubt.

If you have ever spent a single second harassing actual living women online because you didn't like their thoughts on a pretend woman you are, at least in this specific scenario, easily the shittier person. Personally I am confident in my feminist bona fides through, you know, real world activism and how I interact with and support women and feminist causes socially, professionally, financially, and politically in my actual life, but yeah even I sometimes say "you know, I have thoughts about this thing regarding Imogen...but I've had a rough week and I don't feel like having one of the fandom tar pits on my ass" so I'll send my thoughts to a few friends and then idk, write about something else. And I'm pretty thick-skinned (this is the other problem with this strategy; you filter out the more measured and kind and sensitive people first and you're left only with people like me). A lot of people have flat-out given up writing about Imogen (or Laudna, much of the time) because they don't feel like dealing with backlash over some really mild statements. And because you send kind of dickish anons I suspect that it's more likely that you might be part of the problem than part of the solution. So no, it's not the only reason, but it's absolutely a significant one. Congratulations. You played yourself.

I'm so happy about Imogen and Laudna but I can't help but feel sad about FCG, and I think I've worked out why.

When we compare what Imogen and Laudna have with FCG and FRIDA, it makes it clear the difference between a long and true love built on friendship and a romance built on infatuation. These two automatons finally met someone they had a bunch in common with and immediately fell in love, Romeo and Juliet style. As in stupid love. Romeo and Juliet were young, dumb and full of daggers. FCG only has a few years of memories and has been blown away by this more put-together version of themself. Suddenly, they were ready to attach all their self worth to this person, to the point where just a bit of attention from FRIDA is enough to distract FCG from their impending breakdown.

And now FRIDA is gone, and they know they have a job to do and need to be fine. They can't afford to let themselves feel abandoned or lonely. They try to downplay their own feelings, try to minimise their pain. That's what they need to do to be useful. Suddenly they are back in the company of the people they care about most in the world, but it's a little colder. Nobody cares about FCG the way FRIDA does. Except, maybe...

Ashton and FCG FINALLY have a one-on-one chat with each other, but while most people seem to be celebrating them supporting each other and being happy for each other, I'm looking at it like

Because Ashton is having a manic episode. I've been there. They are there calling themself worthless, calling themself ineffective. They are trashing themself and swearing to turn over a new leaf, be useful and heroic. They are on a mission, moving so quickly and purposefully that everyone around them seems to be slowing down. Suddenly they are frustrated and disgusted by the same self destructive behaviour that has always been woven into their character. And hating it in themself, they start to hate it reflected in others. Especially FCG, who deserves better, and they've always thought so. But success! FCG is in a loving relationship now. It's different from their weird, co-dependent friendship. Because of course it is. Now surely FCG has a reason to live. And Ashton can finally relax and stop trying to save FCG. They can stop focusing on themselves and focus on the goal. After all, they both feel better now, right?

Right.

FCG, on the other hand, is hearing Ashton go off and feeling happy for them! Because FCG is just as brain broke as Ashton. FCG thinks it's cool and normal to throw yourself into a new lifestyle because you don't like or trust yourself. They just committed themself to the worship of a goddess they barely know! And also the Changebringer!

"I am so tired of saving you from yourself."

What a thing to say to FCG, who is constantly trying to save everyone else. Ashton doesn't mean it in a bad way, they are just not seeing the full picture. They think FCG's slef destructive problems are kinda solved now. FCG has a boyfriend after all.

To be clear, FCG isn't offended either. They would be tired of saving themself too. They are already pretty convinced of their own lack of value, beyond their utility to others. In the future, I think they'll hesitate to tell Ashton when they're not doing well. Because Ashton was so happy when he thought he didn't need to save FCG any more.

They're still close to snapping. They will probably snap soon. We will just need to wait and see what happens when they do.

But what do I know, it's fuckin Sam Riegel, he will probably have FCG double down and become a full blown Gods squad religious nut and still make us cry somehow.

So I finally got my life together enough to continue my C3 watch... I'm still at 33, I've made more progress on C1 recently. Finally the combination of finding Mini Metro and actually logging onto Tumblr on the web made the barrier of watching Those Episodes bearable.

Spoilers for ep 33 and minor vibe spoilers for episodes in the future that I'm not sure of but its all stuff I absorbed via osmosis and fandom.

It's been almost a full year since these episodes came out and I was mindlessly scrolling Tumblr during my 10am linguistics lecture and stumbled upon everyone panicking because of the lack of diamonds for the amount of people who died. Anyway.

The anxiety of not quite remembering exactly I learned happened is not doing me any favors, but good god, I can really only handle some of this stuff not watching live.

Anyway, here are some assorted thoughts:

Liam you really did not have to make me Feel Things about Orym and his husband while Orym is passing out.

Laudna what is that spell that adds hit dice, that is So Good

Good GOD Otohan is not pulling any punches.

.....this is so close to TPK wow.....

Matt hesitating before essentially killing his wife's character, but doing it anyway.....

It's really interesting to see so many of them up and huddled around the map, things are really getting heated, with Liam just living behind Ashley and Laura's chairs.

"I don't want to be the only one not dead" followed immediately by "soometiiimees you gotta cut a bitch" Yes Travis, that is the correct energy to bring to this clusterfuck.

:OOOOO Not the natural 20 to fucking save Laudna

Begging the DM for the extra hit point like its gonna matter lmao

"I should be more complete at my job" Good GOD

The sending stone 😢

And there's the first one

"We've met before" 😒😒

The sense of failure, the bitersweet feeling of seeing Will and Derrik again 😢😢

I hate it for them that they are getting important lore while they are on the verge of a TPK and loosing their characters

and yet they make jokes like "we can't afford that Sam" to careless whisper

"He is not a creature at the moment" :O omg. Ow. God that hurts.

I gotta say, I'm really enjoying seeing all these hail mary type moves.

You really only see the uber creative dumb shit Hail Mary calls when things are extremely dire.

I love how Beau's voice and mannerisms sneak out a lot as bits and jokes

And there's the second

"That was a helluva run" 😢

"Embrace it or be culled like the rest" oh my god

"That brings us straight to your initiative because everyone else ahead of you is dead" Oh my god Matt

If this actually tpk'd, this would probably be in the running for the longest, most painful tpk. Usually its all at once, rocks fall, everyone dies, the dragon breath attack....

Something about Travis repeating "do you fight it" to laura is so sweet to me.

Also Imogen is making such a wild decision mid potentially worst day of her life omg.

"Save your last line, you might still have a chance" Damn Matt you didn't have to be Like That

"I give in, and I fuck Chetney" "We all do at some point" 🤣

"Is she your favorite" and the immediate "I'll go with you, I give in" oh my god. Having seen that clip of Laura being like 'I didn't know Imogen was in love with Laudna' oh my god the pining is there.

Oh shit the whole city is turning red.

And THATS the end..................

I was gonna go to bed but........ Maybe I can afford to make 1 poor decision

I love the friendship, everyone congratulating each other and matt, no hard feelings. But I wonder how many people are rolling up characters just in case cuz oh my god.

(unrelated to last night’s fics. Talk of drug use)

1965

“I hate you!” 

Turns out having a ten-year-old daughter is...

Different. 

“I hate you and your dumb girlfriend and your dumb appeal and your dumb drugs!” 

“Hey!” Lenny snaps. “I am still the adult here!” 

“You’re just dumb!” Kitty tells him, loudly, before storming up the stairs of their California home to her room and slamming the door shut.

Lenny deflates, rubbing his face. 

Kitty’s birthday party had been...well...kind of a disaster. Sure, she’d had friends over and there were cake and gifts, but Lenny had invited the new girlfriend, her mother never called...

And Midge did.

Because of course Midge called. Even though they’ve been broken up for eight months, Midge still sees Kitty as one of her own. She probably always will, which is both a huge blessing and a terrible curse.

The more people who love his daughter the better. Lenny himself will likely die young so she’s gonna need people.

But it means that while Lenny is still kicking around, he can’t seem to get away from this woman who not only haunts his dreams but also his waking hours through a relationship with his daughter. 

He blows out a breath and rubs his eyes. He figures the best thing he can do is let Kitty cool off the rest of the night and then talk to her about all of this in the morning.

***** 

He is stupid, and Kitty knows she’s right about that because she’s right about just about everything having to do with her dad. 

She’s right.

And she can’t stay in this house anymore, where he makes the wrong choice every day, with the drugs and the fired lawyers and the wrong girlfriend.

She’s nice.

She’s just not-

Midge.

Kitty gets up from her bed quickly, and starts packing a bag. 

Midge will know what to do.

***** 

The knock on the door at four in the morning startles Midge awake, and she sits up quickly. 

Is it Joel? Did something happen with the kids? 

Susie? Did something happen to Susie? Or Imogene? Did her father stay at the Voice all night and forget his housekey? 

She scrambles out of bed, throwing on a dressing gown and rushing to the door and when she opens it-

“Kitty?” Midge croaks out, looking deeply confused. 

The little girl, who looks exhausted, smiles. “Hi, Midge.” 

Midge blinks. “I...hi? Is your dad here?” 

“No.” 

“Is-is your grandmother here?” 

Kitty shakes her head. “No.” 

“...your mother?” Midge tries helplessly. 

Kitty snorts at that. “Funny joke.” 

“It’s how I Make a liv-” Midge takes a breath, shaking her head. “Kitty, it’s four in the morning, and you’re in New York. I talked to you just yesterday, you were at home having your birthday party. What are you doing here?” She takes the girl’s hand and tugs her into the apartment, closing the door gently and leading her into the living room to sit down. 

“Dad’s too stupid to function,” Kitty tells her factually as she sits down.

Midge blinks, and then laughs. “Sweetie...” 

“He’s so dumb, Midge,” Kitty goes on. “I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left.” 

“Left.” 

Kitty nods. “I took the emergency money Grandma gave me, and my birthday money from yesterday and I bought a plane ticket, and then cab fare. And a big pretzel.” 

“Kitty,” Midge scolds. “Your father is probably losing his mind.” 

“Whatever, he probably took his dumb drugs and doesn’t even remember my name anymore,” Kitty grumbles, lifting her knees and hugging them to her chest. 

Midge gazes at her sadly. “Your dad adores you. It probably hurts him to know you feel that way.” 

“He doesn’t care about me anymore,” Kitty sniffles. “He’s got Lotus and drugs and the appeal. He didn’t even get me a birthday gift.” 

“Oh, Kitty. I’m sorry you’re sad,” Midge sighs, gathering the girl in her arms for a tight hug. “I have to call him, though.” 

“He’ll just yell at you,” Kitty mutters against the crook of the woman’s elbow. “And then take more drugs and forget.” 

Midge strokes her hair gently. “Did you bring pajamas with you?” 

Kitty nods. 

“Why don’t you go get changed, and then you can sleep in my bed?” 

Kitty nods again and slips off the couch with her little bag, wandering down the hall. 

Midge sighs heavily and grabs the phone. It’s only one in the morning in LA. It’s a toss-up whether Lenny is asleep, awake, or high. If she calls now, and he’s high, there’s no guarantee that he’ll remember the conversation. 

She may as well get a few more hours sleep herself and call when he’s more likely to remember. 

***** 

Midge wakes up to the phone ringing. 

It’s 9 am, Sunday, and Kitty is curled in against her, fast asleep. 

9 AM in New York. 6 AM in LA. 

Early for Lenny, but if he and Kitty fought, it’s likely he woke up early to try and make things up to her. 

Midge grabs the phone and mutters “Lenny?” 

“Is she there?” he asks, frantic and clearly pissed. 

“Yep. Showed up at four in the morning,” she says. “Took her emergency and birthday money, bought a plane ticket...landed on my doorstep.” 

“And you didn’t fucking call me?!” Lenny yells. 

“One in the morning in LA,” Midge says pointedly. “If I’d called, would you have remembered? Or realized what was going on? Or picked up at all?” 

She gets no response. 

Midge sighs heavily. “Look, I may not be parent of the year, but I at least remember to buy my children birthday gifts.”

“I threw her a party!” 

“Did you?” Midge asks. “Or did Sally.” 

Again, silence. 

“What is going on with you? This isn’t like you, Lenny.” 

Still, no response. 

“It isn’t like you at all,” Midge tells him. “Your daughter is sad. Come get her.” She hangs up the phone and holds the little girl closer. 

***** 

“But you got me a birthday gift!” Kitty cries as she follows Midge down the street later that morning, towards Macy’s. 

“You only turn ten once,” Midge winks at her, taking her hand and leading her into the store. “We’ll get you some nice new dresses, we’ll get something to eat, maybe get you a nice new hairdo. We’ll have you feeling like a new woman in no time.” 

Kitty purses her lips. “I wish Daddy hadn’t left you.” 

Midge freezes for a moment at those words, but takes a breath. “Well, we can’t do much about that now.” 

“He’s coming here to get me, maybe you guys could talk,” Kitty suggests. 

“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Midge grins sadly. 

“Yes, he does, he misses you.” 

“Sweetie, he has a new girlfriend.” 

“I hate her.” 

“No, you don’t.” 

“I don’t, but I don’t want her around. I wish she would go away.” 

“Your dad likes her.” 

“But Daddy loves you.” 

Midge blinks, speechless. 

“And he’s just being dumb about everything!” Kitty cries, getting frantic again. “He fired all his lawyers and now all he does is work on that stupid appeal, and spend time with Lotus - which is a dumb name - and do his dumb drugs, and-” 

“Okay,” Midge says, kneeling down in front of the girl. “Okay, slow down. Deep breaths.” 

Kitty nods, and breathes deeply through her nose. “I just-” her eyes well up with tears. “Everything is terrible.” 

Midge takes a breath and pulls her into a tight hug. 

***** 

Instead of shopping, Midge hits the Stage Deli and gets an order of sandwiches, soup and malted milkshakes to go, getting everything back to the apartment. 

Midge lets them in through the service entrance into the kitchen, so as no to disturb her mother, who’s working with a client, and they eat at the table, while Zelda busies herself around them. 

When Abe steps in, he freezes at the sight before him. 

“Hi, Mr. Abe,” Kitty waves. 

“Hello...” he turns to Midge, confused. 

“It’s a long story,” Midge tells him.

“My dad’s dumb,” Kitty fills him in. “So I came to visit Midge.” 

“Your father is a very smart man, you should have more respect for him,” Abe scolds lightly. 

Kitty just rolls her eyes. 

Midge takes a breath and looks to her father. “Lenny’s been making some questionable choices lately.” 

Abe blinks, catching her meaning quickly. “Ah. I see.” 

As if on cue, a knock on the door echoes through the apartment, and Kitty is up like a shot, running down the hall, into the bathroom, and slamming the door.

Midge blows out a breath when she hears the door lock. “Maybe you don’t want to be here for this, Papa.” 

“I probably don’t,” Abe concedes. “I’ll be in the living room.” 

“Miss Miriam!” Zelda cries. “Your man with the bat pants is here!” 

“They’re not bad, I’ve been on a plane for five ours, for christ’s sake!” 

“Lenny, must you? I’m working,” Rose scolds. 

He almost sounds chastened in his response. “Sorry...” 

Midge pokes her head out of the kitchen, and flags Lenny down. He storms over, stepping in, and looking around, bewildered. 

“Where is she?” 

“She heard the door and made a run for the bathroom,” Midge explains. “Locked herself in.” 

“Wow, she really fucking hates me,” Lenny scoffs, rubbing his face. 

“Of course she doesn’t,” Midge says gently, leading him to take a seat at the table. “Lenny, she’s your daughter. Yours. Get out of your own head for just a second and think about what’s happening here.” 

Lenny stares at her for a moment, before deflating. “This is a breakdown.” 

“Yeah.” 

“My ten-year-old is having a nervous breakdown.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Shit.” 

“Yeah.” 

A look of deep shame washes over his face as he shakes his head. “Midge?” he says, and his voice is so small, her heart breaks a little. 

She watches him from the other side of the table. She takes a good look at him for the first time since she spotted him at the end of the hall. Lenny is too thin, and too pale (especially for someone living in California), and too tired-looking. 

“Yeah,” she says, gently, feeling her heart break even more. 

She should have fought him harder on leaving. On breaking up. 

On a lot of things. 

“I think I’m really fucking things up,” he confesses. 

Midge nods slowly. “It doesn’t seem good.” 

“It’s not,” Lenny tells her, gazing into her eyes, defeated. “All is not well.” 

She takes a breath. “Ask for my help.” 

Lenny swallows and stays quiet for a long, long moment. They just sit there, staring at one another. 

“Help,” he says quietly. 

She nods, and reaches out, patting his hand. 

***** 

Kitty bites her lips when there’s a tap on the bathroom door.

“Kit? It’s Dad.” 

“Go away,” she says quickly. 

“No,” he tells her. “Let me in.” 

“No,” she snaps. 

He sighs heavily. “Look, I...I know things have been...bad. Very bad, and that’s on me. It is. I know.” 

Kitty listens, staring at the door. 

“And I’m going to have to do a lot of work to fix it,” he goes on. “But I’m gonna fix it. And...and until I do, you’re gonna stay here with Midge. For the summer, you know?” 

Kitty swallows and cracks the door open, peeking out. “Really?” 

Lenny nods. “Really. I have to go away for a while...get things under control. So you hang out here. Have fun with Midge and Ethan and Esther, and...and...” 

Kitty opens the door fully and throws her arms around him, tears starting to slide down. “Thank you.” 

He nods, holding her tightly and letting out a long sigh. “Only for you, kiddo. Only for you.” 

@hondagirll Tagged me to share my top 9 books, which I don't think is a physical possibility for me to do. I love books and choosing my top 9 would be a crime. There are single series that I could choose 9 books from, so instead I am going to do the top 9 that I have read this year. It'll probably be mostly YA books - I don't tend to read too many adult books bc there's too much smut for my little asexual eyes.

Make sure you check TWs before reading any of these. Some of them dealt with some pretty heavy topics.

So out of the 63 books I have read so far this year, my favs are:

They Hate Each Other by Amanda Woody - This is a mm enemies-to-lovers fake dating contemporary book. The characters (or specifically, one of the characters) was a little over the top sometimes, but I adored them. They were both dealing with so much shit and there were some really mature topics that were offset by the humor. First sentence: "Jonah Collins is dancing on my table, and I think... yes. I think I'm about to lose my shit."

The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas: This is pitched as Percy Jackson meets The Hunger Games, and is the first book in a duology. This book is so diverse and so queer, and I need Aiden to release the second book as soon as humanly possible. I love all of the characters, even the ones who are little shits, and I can't wait to see how the series concludes. First sentence: "First, there was only Sol among a sea of stars."

The Luis Ortega Survival Club by Sonora Reyes: This was a tough choice because I read both of Sonora's books this year. I loved their first book so much that I immediately picked this one up. But I sobbed so many times reading this book, it was a little ridiculous. I think it might have been my first time reading a book with an autistic main character, which I obviously need to work on correcting. First sentence: "The driver looks at me like he knows exactly what I just did."

Sparks Fly by Birdie Lynn: If you wanted to psychoanalyze me, this is another queer enemies-to-lovers, fake dating book. But this time it takes place at a magic school and also includes soulmates trope. Do I need to say more? First sentence: "Hit me with your best shot, Pham."

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli: I just know that Becky had a vendetta with this book, and I am absolutely thriving at the way she took the horrible way that she was treated online and channeled that into this book. This book examines the way that some people think there is a "correct" way to be queer, and absolutely challenges that. Let me catch Gretchen in a dark alley, I swear. First sentence: "I haven't quite unclicked my seat belt, but I'm getting there. Obviously."

The Sun and The Star by: Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro: What is a favorites list without something from the Riordanverse? I am so happy that we got a Nico-centric book, since he is one of my favorite characters. I also loved getting more information about Will Solace. I'm glad that Rick brought in a queer author to help make this book a reality and I really think their writing styles blended well together. First sentence: "Nico faced the worst decision of his life, and he was certain he was going to mess it up."

Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler: This book was a lot. It was dark and gruesome and I spent the whole time completely horrified. It was also very real and unfortunately stands up too well to the test of time. I listened to this on audiobook and do I ever have some visceral memories of what I was doing when certain events in this book happened. I absolutely want to continue with the series, but that's something you have to be in the right frame of mind for. First sentence: "I had my recurring dream last night. I guess I should have expected it."

The Invisible Spy by Lisa McMann: This is the second book in The Forgotten Five series. I'll admit that I started this series because the author is the mother of the actress who plays Nancy Drew, but I genuinely enjoy these books. They're really solid middlegrade books and I enjoy the characters. Think Descendants meets superheroes. I like watching these kids come to terms with the fact that their parents maybe weren't the best people, and seeing how they deal with the moral quandary of having villains for parents. First sentence: "President Daniel Fuerte sat at his cluttered desk in the presidential office on the top floor of Magdalia Palace."

Skye Falling by Mia McKenzie: This book proves that picking something you've never heard of up on a whim can be a good thing. I desperately wanted an audiobook and I chose this off of my library's small list of queer books that were available at that moment. I had never heard of it before, but I adored this book. It tells the story of what happens when an almost 40 year old woman, who avoids conflict and personal relationships is faced with the very real product of selling her eggs at age 26. First sentence: "I'm lying very still on top of a hotel bed's rumpled sheets."

I'm not gonna tag anyone in this but if anyone does want to do the post, please tag me in it!

𝓡𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰: 𝟑/𝟓 𝓢𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼

It has been 3 years and things have drastically changed. Princess Imogen of Goslind has been living a sheltered life in a boarded-up castle to stay safe from the bloody mori roja plague that is running rampant in the kingdom. People are complaining and rations are dwindling. Imogen has a secret but does not want to reveal it as the kingdom is in an upheaval and the king is going mad. Then, there is Nico who once upon a time had a good, comfortable life but it was all ripped away from him when the plague took everything and everyone from his life. Imogen's and Nico's worlds collide when Lord Crane brings Nico to the castle to search for plague survivors.

I am a sucker for books that have royalty and kingdoms. Mara does a great job of setting up the dark feel of this book by tying a plague into the book to make a reason for why the people of the Kingdom are struggling and going into a state of upheaval. But the one thing I am struggling with is books that have plagues or pandemics in them. I do not know the reason on why I am struggling with books with this topic in them, but it just makes me struggle and I am not sure how to explain it...but, maybe bored?

Also, with the world building, I found it to be weak at times because we really only see a closed off castle and nothing really outside of this castle. This could be on purpose because we know that there is a plague going on out in the world and people are in discourse so being secluded from the world would change the characters idea of what it looks like out there.

For the first half of this book, it was slow going but around the halfway mark it started to pick up a bit to where I was starting to enjoy it.

Mara includes Jewish representation in this book which I thought it was very interesting in a fantasy world setting but I really liked the representation in this book. I think it worked out well.

When it came to the romance aspect of this book, I really liked that it did not take center stage of this book and that it did not overshadow the plot. The characters were done pretty well and introduced well.

I barely found out that this is a reimagining of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Masque of the Red Death." I have not read any of Poe's work (even though I grew up right outside of Baltimore City and he was always mentioned since he passed away in Baltimore. But I know Poe's work was always talked about being on the darker feeling side and Mara really encompasses that dark feeling with this book.

For me this was just an okay book, but I think this will make a great book to read in the fall time. If you are a fan of Poe, darker toned books/gothic stories, and royalty then you probably will enjoy this book. If you are not a fan of plagues, then I say you probably should skip this.

I plan on trying more of Mara's books down the road.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CyBQWm9rl36/?igshid=MWZjMTM2ODFkZg==

I posted 4,066 times in 2022

That's 645 more posts than 2021!

252 posts created (6%)

3,814 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ontari

@swallowedabug

@karatam

@damnwormholes

@erinmcsave

I tagged 2,955 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#criminal minds - 150 posts

#a league of their own - 129 posts

#art - 127 posts

#critical role - 109 posts

#motherland fort salem - 95 posts

#a league of their own spoilers - 87 posts

#batwoman - 85 posts

#vines - 69 posts

#criminal duck minds - 64 posts

#queued for your pleasure - 55 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it's such a complex issue because you know none of these people (including martha) would ever willingly choose to have not known the doctor

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I, uh, I'm too in love with the concept of long game slow burn Imogen/Laudna to even enjoy Dusk asking Laudna out tonight.

I don't know if it's purely because I just hate love triangles, or if I'm against it because we know that Dusk has a hidden agenda and their niceness is just a front.

As a multishipper, I'm leaning towards it mostly being the second one. I know it's partially Erika having some fun, which I'm not really against. But idk...

I'm glad Laudna left. Not only cause it was directly choosing Imogen (because Imogen is all she really cares about), but also like... I already wasn't liking the whole notion of Laudna potentially being interested in something romantic with Dusk only to inevitably find out that they've had an agenda this whole time. Dusk's inevitable betrayal was already enough for me to place a Do Not Ship this label on the relationship, but then you've got Laudna saying she's never been asked out before...

...and all my protective instincts just took over. I absolutely do not want Laudna being taken advantage of. And that's what Dusk would be doing at this point.

Listen, as a storyteller, I absolutely understand how this sort of betrayal could bring about a whole bunch of interesting narrative paths. And I'm sure it was more of a throwaway line for Laudna/Marisha, and again I know it's all a bit of fun for Erika and potentially a genuine (somewhat fun times) interest for Dusk. But given the context of what we've been given wrt Dusk, and now Laudna... it's coming really close to the first time CR has ever made me feel uncomfortable/unsafe in terms of storytelling. I've come to cr knowing I could trust that certain things just won't happen in game...

...but boy howdy Dusk taking advantage of an innocent and inexperienced Laudna is absolutely not a thing I want to have happen / watch.

((again, I know it was mostly just having fun and throwing chaos into the mix, and that Erika probably wasn't really thinking in terms of anything THAT nefarious. but wow. That got so uncomfortable and unfun super fast for me.))

I sorta wish we got to have that sort of a moment between them PRIOR to learning that Dusk is not a friend. Because seeing the kinda adorable, and innocent seeming, Dusk asking Laudna out probably would've been really cute and fun to enjoy. But context is everything.

15 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

#4

I just wanted to say that I'm grateful for all of you I get to interact with on a fairly regular basis, mutuals or not. Seeing your urls still around just makes me happy.

I also really miss the folks who aren't around anymore. (I mean, I'm happy for them having lives elsewhere, I'm believing they're happy.) I just miss seeing them around and getting to interact with them.

I know the internet can seem weird and fickle, especially in this weird hellscape, but y'all do matter. you are loved. You are my friends.

15 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

#3

This trailer is 🔥🔥🔥

20 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#2

Criminal Minds | Season 3 Blooper Reel Clip

AJ Cook & Paget Brewster

Some folks were asking for the clip I made this gifset from, so here you go babes.

Transcription beneath the cut.

[sound of crying kid in background]

JJ: We're here to walk you through this.

Offscreen actor (with attitude / sarcasm): You're gonna walk us through this? Could you run us through this please?

Emily: [indecipherable]

JJ/AJ: Not if you're going to be an [bleeped out: asshole] like that, I can't.

[cast and crew in background laugh. paget laughs. then up close crew yell CUT]

25 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Y'all I just wanna talk about this official poster for A League of Their Own for a second. I won't go too deep with it, but there's a HUGE thing that was done with this poster that you just don't see normally in marketing.

The Black people/characters are front and center.

That's just something that rarely happens traditionally (and it sucks). But here we have the two leads as the large and prominent focus, but Max is in front of Carson. Usually, when things are marketed like this, the white (or white passing / lighter skinned) person is put in the front. (I'm not going into the why of that rn, just one of those 'racism built into a profession that you might not question until you're like 'thats fucked up' situations you can look up.)

They took great care in making this promotional graphic. It was important to them that people knew that Max's storyline was as important (if not more) as Carson's. There's a balance and equality implied in this graphic. An emphasis on: this is the heart of the story we're telling. And that's just really cool 'cause that usually never happens, usually if there's a single white person in a show/movie/whatever they somehow always end up being propped up in front of everyone. But not here. And ugh even the little detail of the highlight around Clance and Greta being blue, which ties into Max (making sure your eye is drawn to Max first) is fantastic. They could've easily gone w red, to draw your eye more to Carson, but they didn't.

My graphic design nerd heart is so full. They truly took the time to think about things and get them right and I love it.

320 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Just wondering.... why is the Imodna codependency such an issue meanwhile no one had a problem with the codependency between Widobrave?

Hi anon, this is a great question!

I've actually covered this - I don't think their situations are as comparable as many people think! Here's the post about that in case you haven't seen it. And, as the anon in that post points out, Widobrave did get a lot of pushback and hate, actually. It sounds like you might be very new to the fandom, so I want to give some gentle advice: it's worth being careful about assuming a certain form of discourse did not occur. Often, it has. I understand it's difficult to prove a negative (ie, that Widobrave did not receive hate) and it's even more difficult to do so via the Tumblr search, but Caleb and Veth's relationship was frequently criticized, diminished, and treated as not just insistently platonic, but also strictly familial. But back to the original question: I think that Caleb and Veth far more quickly built other relationships and were able to express anger with each other - Veth's outburst towards Caleb in episode 48 is a standout moment that resulted in a greater understanding, and I think I'd feel much more positively towards Imogen and Laudna as a potential romance had Laudna been able to make the same accusation, that Imogen's people did this. Was it a fair accusation from Veth? No! But it eventually cleared the air, whereas Imogen and Laudna keep sweeping everything under the rug, ignoring that the rug is now so lumpy they can barely walk without failing.

Another reason is simple numbers and recency. Widobrave, as of this post, has about 280 fics on ao3. Imodna has 1,085. This increased popularity may indeed lead to increased scrutiny. We're also, as the previous paragraph hints, talking about a ship that is in an ongoing campaign, so you're going to see far more posts talking about it than a ship from a past campaign, simply because it's still unfolding and is the subject of current discussion! Recency bias is a very real thing, and it can be difficult to adjust for, but when making this sort of comparison, it is vital to do so.

I would also be remiss if I did not address the elephant in the room, which is the nature of the fans who ship them. I'm sure this question is intended in earnest good faith, but I'm afraid I've gotten a pretty significant amount of harassment specifically from people who ship Imogen and Laudna together and don't like anyone who points out the flaws in their relationship. I've never received the same from people who shipped Caleb and Veth, despite never really shipping the latter, and indeed, and this is obviously my limited experience, but the people I follow who do ship Widobrave often embrace the flaws and conflict inherent in the ship. There are many Imodna shippers who are wonderful - especially those who do like to explore the flaws and codependency and how it might one day resolve - but, understandably, those few bad actors attempting to ignore the lack of development in the relationship or even worse, advocating for it, have really been very unpleasant to deal with. As a result, it's led me to consider more deeply why I find Imogen and Laudna's relationship uninteresting, romantically, and so that's probably another factor in why I specifically have explored Imogen and Laudna's issues far more than Caleb and Veth's. (For me personally, it's also that I was a lurker for the first year of the Mighty Nein campaign; I was binging Campaign 1 concurrently and didn't finish until July 2018, and didn't make this blog until around New Year's 2019, so I've written comparatively fewer thoughts about early Campaign 2). But getting back to the previous point, I think something people who send hate or baiting questions on anon may not always realize is that it often has the opposite effect as intended; it leads people to defend their opinions, and in doing so often strengthens their convictions as they find more evidence, which leads them to make even more posts!

Anyway, I hope this helps - obviously, this is only my perspective, and I sincerely hope anyone else of whom you ask this question extends the same good faith, honesty, and openness to other perspectives that you are bringing. I do however urge you to at minimum attempt to find some discussion from the era of early Campaign 2 to get a better understanding of how Widobrave was treated, just to ensure better responses to your inquiries. Anyway, welcome to the fandom!

hello nell! my birthday is almost coming up and i was wondering what is the ROs default present for an mc? like would they go all out and buy something expensive or would they go DIY?

oooo happy almost birthday!! here are my random thoughts about birthday gifting xoxo

adegoke

likes to plan activities, create memories. would just plan, like, a whole day from start to finish to try and get as close to their perfect day as he could.

arthur

usually goes for something classy, but with a nod to sentimentality – just a little hint so that they can’t be totally sure if it’s just coincidence. also loves extravagant travel-based gifts – surprise trips and weekends away and stuff.

atticus

hates gift giving, generally just like texts them a few weeks before like “hey what do you want for your birthday” and if they say nothing then he’ll just spend days like GOD what does THAT mean and eventually just get them something very middle of the road in the hope that it both is a gift (if they were lying and actually Did want one) or a non-gift (if they were telling the truth and really didn't want anything).

avery

generally just goes for a single good quality item that she knows they need, but is still kind of a fancy indulgence? like a really nice perfume/cologne if she knows they’re running low, or like nice new shoes or w/e. if she’s really into someone she’d like cook them a fancy dinner and plan a nice evening – when she does for something that’s taken time, you know she’s really in it.

charlie

would get them a few, smaller things that are based on inside jokes or things that had come up in conversation before – often ridiculous and kitsch and totally useless haha. also totally the sort of person who would supplement his gifting with handmade coupons (i.e. redeem this coupon to burn one (1) item from my wardrobe etc)

ellis

it’s hard to say how ellis would approach gifting, because i think it’d be so personal to whoever they were with? they’d certainly put A Lot of thought into it and what was important to their SO and then try to get/do something that they’d really cherish. ellis also argues fiercely that the card is the best part of any gift, so they love writing a nice, long message in a card haha

florrie

goes really all out for birthdays. gift giving is really important to florrie – it’s an opportunity for her to pour all of her love and care for a person and everything that she knows about them and try to show them how she feels. goes way over the top, if anything.

griffin

doesn’t go super hard on birthdays and he’ll probably forget until the last minute and then be like OH FUCK as he’s driving home the night before or whatever. expect pretty cliched gift-based items, definitely no card, but he’ll probably think of something fun and spontaneous to do that covers him.

imogen

looks out for the perfect thing, like, all year round that she can pick up and save for a birthday/gift-giving holiday. expect something vintage and unique and incredibly thoughtful – i just always imagine imogen as the sort of gift giver where the other person unwraps it and does that little gasp that people do when they’ve just been really caught by surprise by the thoughtfulness of a gift?

nyra

remembers all the things that they have wanted to do over the year and she shot down and then picks her favourites to actually do as a fun lil surprise birthday date. her parents also send gifts if they approve of her SO, so there’s that too.

rowan

definitely errs more on the side of experience-based gifting, but would totally get them a little something silly to open in the morning and make them a special breakfast in bed. she’d also definitely make them wear a party hat and/or badge all day and probably also get them a dumb thomas the tank engine card that plays a song when they open it.

syd

early on they’d be doing like. covert gifting hahaha – they’d totally think of great gifts and just get them and like plant them around like they were things that had always been there because they don’t want to go through the Serious Gift Giving process. otherwise totally pretend they forgot and are like :/ oh shit sorry well I guess we can order in dinner or whatever. later on, once they’ve eased up a bit, they’d be very into gift giving, actually. they hate their own birthday, though, so good luck ever getting it out of them.

vinh

definitely goes handmade. it’d probably seem like they forgot at first cause they wouldn’t mention it until the Exact Right Time when they’d got everything just right. vinh is terrible at working to a deadline so that might be at like 11:59 when they wake them up to be like ok hi sorry i didn’t forget i just wasn’t ready but here!!!

thoughts and headcanons so far:

Imogen - I don't have a ton of thoughts on her just yet? Aberrant mind is probably my favorite sorcerer subclass so I'm super excited for that. She seems to have some contradictions; polite and mannerly Texan girl with mind-reading powers, and a long flowy dress with a dagger strapped to the thigh - she's gonna be a fun one to figure out.

Laudna - She gave me immediate hag (Hexblood) vibes. Most people seem to think shes Dhampir (which she gave no evidence of) or Reborn (which I can see) but I'm really hoping there's a hag in her backstory. She's an undead warlock but we still don't know her sorcerer class, I'm crossing my fingers for something unexpected. I think the Whitestone comment might be a red herring - her being directly connected to the de Rolos or Briarwoods, and also revealing it this early, seems to fanservicey. I'm hoping for just some random hag's daughter in the Whitestone mountains.

Ashton - Hands down my favorite, Taliesin keeps doing this. Green skin, purple gem hair, tough-guy attitude, he/they pronouns, and a bitty robit friend he'd kill for, whats not to love? I love the idea that the Clasp symbol (on the character art) is just something they thought was cool, and they're not actually connected to the Clasp at all. Either way I'm excited for the tangled backstory web I'm sure Tal has planned - and to see the new custom Subclass!

Fresh Cut Grass - Listen. I hate to do this. FCG seems very interesting but Sam can be uh... an insensitive guy, and has a history of taking characters I really like and doing things with them I'm very uncomfortable with. So I'm just gonna say that I like FCG's concept but I'm wholly ready to be disappointed down the line? Sorry.

Dorian - Yes hello can Robbie be a full time player please? I know he might leave after this first arc but like... I love him. Dorian's a nice blend of intelligent and stupid, and I really wanna learn more about his family genasi drama?? What happened there, my dude!? Also, an actual bard who does bard things!! I love when people play their classes to the built-in flavor.

Orym - I love him. He seems to be the one getting the most dissatisfaction from the fandom so far, and I kinda see why, but I'm glad we've still got some down-to-earth, 'approachable' seeming characters - if everyone was some exotic otherworldly creature that'd be exhausting (also, I'm glad Liam's character isn't a mopey emoboy right out of the gate. We'll get to his sad backstory in time). It's obvious Liam loves him too (this is clearly an updated version of the fighter from the Percahlia one-shot). I'm dying to know how old he is because I would guess it's older than we'd think - maybe around the same age as Bertrand?

Fearne - Another soft-spoken character who seems to be made of contradictions, which I'm excited about! Eager to see her wildfire powers get more use (Mister wasn't even in this episode!) especially in a more deserty-setting (if/when we get there). I feel like her being here also guarantees us some feywild connection (if not a full jaunt inside) sometime this campaign.

(nothing for Bertrand because I'm under the impression he's not sticking around very long lol)

Started With Jealousy

Pairing: Eli Goldsworthy x Fem!Reader

Characters: Eli Goldsworthy, Y/N L/N, Clare Edwards, Jake Martin, Fiona Coyne, Holly J Sinclair, Imogen Moreno, other students

Requested? Yes! This is my first request! Thank you for the idea, I haven’t been having any luck with coming up with ideas for imagines. This was requested by @fairyth0rns​ Thank you again for requesting this! I love writing for Degrassi so please request more stuff!

Summary: Clare is still hung up on Eli, even though she’s dating Jake. Y/N, Eli’s best friend, is jealous of the Edwards girl. While Eli is in the middle of a manic episode, he insults Y/N, leaving her hurt. Will Eli be able to get her to forgive him? Will he still have a chance with her? Read to find out!

Word Count: ? Sorry that it’s a little long, also sorry if there are any typos.

Warnings:  A couple curse words? Angst

Every night she found herself thinking “Why aren’t I good enough for him?”

You see, Y/N had feelings for someone. Someone who was her best friend. Someone who didn’t see her like that. That someone was Eli Goldsworthy.

“So anyway, she was totally being-Y/N? Hello? Y/N? Y/N/N?!”

“What, what?! Oh, my God, what?!”

“Did you hear a single word I said?” Fiona asked before Y/N sighed.

“No, sorry.” 

The two were at Y/N’s house, in her kitchen studying, while also eating take out. Holly J was supposed to be there as well, but she had a lot of homework to do.

“What’s wrong?” Fiona asked as she closed her text book.

“Nothing. It’s just-I just have a lot on my mind right now.” Y/N said as she closed her text book, as well.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m just so confused.”

Fiona’s eyebrows furrowed.

“About what?”

“Lots of things. School, feelings, life. Also-”

“Wait, wait, wait. Go back to feelings. Are you confused with your feelings for someone?” Fiona asked as she sat up.

“Yes, maybe, I don’t know. I think I like Eli.” Y/N said before Fiona’s eyes widended.

“You do?!”

“Yeah, I really do.”

The girls both squealed.

“Oh, my gosh! I knew it! Well, what’s stopping you?” Fiona asked before Y/N sighed.

“Clare.”

Eli and Clare dated, but Clare broke up with him. She soon began to date Jake, even though she wasn’t fully over Eli. Y/N was pretty positive that Eli wanted Clare back. But what she didn’t know was that Eli was trying to hide his feelings for her by thinking of ways to win Clare back.

“What’s Clare gonna do? She’s with Jake, remember?” Fiona said before Y/N nodded.

“I know. I’m just scared. If I tell him that I like him and he dosen’t like me back, that could ruin our friendship. It could make things awkward between us for the rest of our lives! And on top of that, I probably don’t stand a chance and he’s going to go back to Clare. And every time I look at Clare I think, ‘Why am I not good enough, but she is?’ ‘Why doesn’t he look at me the way he looks at her?’” Y/N said as she looked at Fiona.

“Oh, I see, you’re jealous.” Fiona said before Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Jealous? Y-yeah, okay, Fiona.”

“I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your tone! You’re jealous of Clare, Y/N!’ Fiona said before Y/N sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Okay, fine, yes! I’m jealous. But, it dosen’t matter. I’ll never be her.” Y/N said before Fiona sighed and hugged her.

***

The next day Y/N was at her locker.

“Y/N!”

She turned around and saw Eli walking towards her.

“Oh, hey, Eli.”

“Hey. So, you’re still coming to my play, right?” Eli asked before Y/N nodded.

“Yep, I wouldn’t miss it.” Y/N said before Eli smiled.

“Cool. Great I-I just wanted to make sure you were still coming.” Eli said before Y/N smiled.

“Well, I am.”

“Hey, guys.” Fiona said as she walked over.

“Hi.”

“See you guys around. Bye, Y/N/N.” Eli said before he walked away.

“Bye.”

“Did you see that?!” Fiona asked before Y/N closed her locker.

“See what?” Y/N asked as the two started to walk down the hallway.

“He said bye to you directly.” Fiona said as she linked her arm with Y/N‘s

“That dosen’t mean anything.” Y/N said as she rolled her eyes.

“Whatever you say.” Fiona said as Y/N shook her head and smiled.

***

The play was starting in less than ten minutes and Imogen was no where to be found.

Eli was sitting at a vanity backstage.

“Did you find her?” Eli asked as Y/N walked over to him.

“Nope. No one’s seen her. We’ve looked everywhere. She’s not even answering her phone. How are you doing?” Y/N asked as she stood behind him.

“Not that great, considering I don’t have a leading lady.” Eli said before Y/N lightly chuckled.

“It’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“True. But, I believe you’ll be able to pull it off.” Y/N said before Eli sighed and stood up.

“How can you be so sure?! I don’t have a leading lady! This play is turing into a disaster!” Eli exclaimed as Y/N slightly flinched.

“It’s okay. Eli, just calm down-“

“It’s not that easy, okay?! God, Y/N, you just don’t get it! You’re so annoying! I sometimes can’t believe I’m even friends with you! You’re an awful friend!” Eli yelled before Y/N’s face fell.

“Oh. Well, if that’s how you feel.” Y/N said before she started to walk away.

“Y/N-wait! Y/N! Damn it!” Eli said before he kicked a chair.

“Care to explain why we just saw Y/N run out crying?” Fiona asked after she and Holly J walked over.

“She was crying?” Eli asked as he turned around.

“Yeah. She looked really hurt. What happened?” Holly J asked.

“I-I think I was having another episode and I went off on her.” Eli sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Why don’t you go try to find her and calm her down?” Fiona suggested before Holly J nodded and left.

“Sure.”

“Okay, it’s just you and me here. Wanna tell me what happened?” Fiona asked as she leaned against the vanity.

“She came back here to tell me nobody’s seen Imogen and was trying to tell me thay everything would be okay and that everything would work out. I guess I didn’t wanna hear it and I lashed out on her.” Eli said before Fiona sighed.

“Oh, no. What did you say?” Fiona asked.

“I-I told her she was annoying and a bad friend and-”

“And?”

“And that sometimes I can’t believe I’m even friends with her.” Eli said before Fiona gasped.

“Oh, my God! Eli, that’s terrible!” Fiona said as Eli sighed.

“I know, I know. I just-I think I messed up the best friendship I’ve ever had.”

“Y/N! Y/N! Wait!” Holly J said as she followed Y/N down the hall.

“What, Holly J?” Y/N asked as she turned around.

“Come here.” Holly J said as she opened her arms.

Y/N ran into her arms and cried into her shoulder.

Holly J whispered soft sayings into her ear and ran her hand through her hair.

She then lead her to a bench.

“Now, what exactly happend?” Holly J asked after the two sat down.

“Eli happened. He told me that he dosen’t even know why he’s friends with me.” Y/N said as she wiped her tears.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Holly J said as she held her hand.

“You didn’t see his face, Holly J. He looked pretty serious.” Y/N said as she laid her head on Holly J’s shoulder.

“Well, the play’s about to start, so what are you gonna do? The audience is packed.” Fiona said.

“I don’t have a leading lady.” Eli said before Fiona sighed.

“I’ll do it. I’ll play Clara. I know the lines.” Fiona said.

“You don’t know the new ending.” Eli said.

“If I have to read my script on stage, then so be it. Bottom line it says directed by Fiona Coyne in the program. And like I said before I will not be responsible for a bomb. So, are you with me or what?” Fiona asked.

“I’m with you.” Eli said before they heard the music.

“That’s the cue. Better get stage left for my big entrance. See you in the spotlight.” Fiona said before she walked away.

“Show time.”

***

Holly J managed to convince Y/N to watch the play and the two were sitting in the audience.

“Thanks for coming, I just-I hate the way we left things. The truth is, you should be with me, not uh-him. Um-I’m sorry. Uh, what?” Eli asked after he looked at Y/N.

“Um-Maybe we should go away from here.” Fiona said before Eli looked at her.

“No, th-that’s not how it goes. That’s my line, not your’s. You’re not following the script!” Eli said.

“You’re not exactly following the script either, Ari!” Fiona said before the audience laughed.

“It dosen’t matter, you’re not her.” Eli said before Fiona looked at him.

“Eli, come on, we’re almost done. Just stick to the script!” Fiona said softly.

“What script? There’s not script! You can’t write your life! No matter how much all of you want a happy ending, you can’t have it! I tried to write one, but it’s impossible. I rewrote and rewrote but things kept changing, and I hurt people, and I-I knew they were hurting, but I didn’t stop. Because your mind tricks you. It tricks you into thinking that things are fine. They’re not fine, nothing is fine! It’s all wrong!” Eli exclaimed after stood up and took the script from Fiona.

He looked at Y/N, who had tears in her eyes.

“I’m all wrong. That’s it. There’s no happy ending.” Eli said before he lit the script on fire and fell to the ground.

“Um.. Lights!” Fiona said before the lights turned off and being everyone started clapping.

The audience stood up and applauded before the cast bowed.

Eli had tears in his eyes and looked at Y/N, who had tears in her eyes, as well.

As soon as everyone started going backstage, Y/N ran out in tears, with Fiona and Holly J following.

“I got it.” Fiona said as Holly J nodded.

“Okay.”

“Y/N! Y/N/N! Y/N! Wait!” Fiona said as she ran after her best friend.

“Leave me alone, Fiona.”

“No, stop, wait! Y/N?” Fiona said soflty after she turned Y/N around.

“What?”

“Look, he didn’t mean-”

“You weren’t there, Fiona. You didn’t hear him, you didn’t see his face.” Y/N said as she wiped her tears.

“How about we just crash at my place and forget about this whole nightmare?” Fiona asked before Y/N nodded.

“I guess that would be okay.” Y/N said before Fiona smiled and put her arm around her.

“Good.”

***

For the past few days, Eli had been doing everything he could to get Y/N to forgive him.

He tried calling her, texting, he even went to her house.

But, she contiuned to ignore him. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever talk to him again.

“Fiona, hey!” Eli said as he followed Fiona down the hallway.

“Oh, uh, hi, Eli.” Fiona said after she turned around.

“Do you know when Y/N’s gonna forgive me.” Eli asked before Fiona shrugged.

“To be honest, I’m not sure if she will. What you said really hurt her, Eli. Even if you didn’t mean it.” Fiona said before Eli sighed.

“Well, can you at least tell her that I’m really sorry.” Eli said before Fiona nodded.

“Sure. See ya.” Fiona said after she saw Y/N and before she walked away.

“Bye.”

“What did he say?” Y/N asked as Fiona came up to her.

“He just said to tell you that he’s really sorry. And he looked pretty bad. I’ve never seen him that upset.” Fiona said before Y/N sighed.

“What do you think I should do?” Y/N asked.

“Maybe hear him out.” Fiona said with a small shrug before the bell rang.

“I guess.” Y/N said before the two walked to class.

***

After school, Y/N decided to text Eli and tell him to come over.

Eli raced over there as soon as he saw the text.

“Hey.” Eli said after Y/N answered the door.

“Hi. Come in.”

The two went up the her room.

“Look, I’m really, really sorry. I honestly don’t know why I said those things. You’re not annoying, you’re actually really fun to be around. You’re also a great friend and I know why I’m friends with you, and it’s because you’re an amazing person.” Eli said before Y/N slightly blushed and smiled.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I guess there’s something I have to get off of my chest.” Y/N said before Eli’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Okay, what is it?”

“I-I’ve been jealous of Clare.” Y/N sighed.

“Of Clare? Why?” Eli asked.

“Because of your history, because of the way you look at her, because she’s not me.” Y/N said as tears started to form in her eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What do you mean, ‘she’s not you?’ So what? Who cares if she’s not you. You’re awesome.” Eli said as he wiped her tears.

“T-thanks.”

“Also..”

“What? What?” Y/N asked with a slight chuckle.

Eli placed his hands on her cheeks and crashed his lips against hers.

The two slowly pulled away and their eyes fluttered open.

“I really like you, Y/N L/N.” Eli said with a small chuckle.

“I really like you, too, Eli Goldsworthy.” Y/N said with a small smile.

“So, do you forgive me?” Eli asked before Y/N lightly smirked.

“Maybe.” Y/N said before Eli chuckled and connected their lips again.

Senku x fem named!reader

Rating: this chapter is A for Adults ONLY

Warnings: this fic has elements of smut and a mention of eating disorders THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN SOME CONTENT WITH THESE WARNINGS - check tags - TW: mention of eating disorder.

Summary: Imogen has been awakened from petrification but she suffers from amnesia upon waking up. Senku and Taiju - her lover and childhood friend (respectively) before the petrification - must do their best to help her recall her past life.

Smut summary: soft sex, first time, no warnings but very NSFW.

Authors Note: If you choose to not read this chapter, please see the tags for a summary of missed relevant topics.

Chapter Six

Morning streamed in through the window. I rolled over to see Senku was gone. I half expected it considering he probably didn’t like to waste daylight. A note, however, was on his pillow.  I picked it up. 

“Breakfast will be soon. Wake up and get dressed, come to the village square. Take the road this time.”

-Senku

I got up and tossed on one of Senku’s tunics. My previous dress was all ripped up after the tussle with the bear. I never even remembered once we got back to the village to ask for a new dress. Senku was taller than me though, and it was summer so I felt I could get away with just his tunic coming down past my butt. I grabbed one of his rope belts and tied it around my waist.  My feet were still bandaged up and they hurt a bit this morning. I told myself I would ask Senku to look at the cuts after breakfast.  I climbed down the stairs and walked the road to the village. People were bustling about and the smell of fresh cooked eggs was wafting through the houses in the breeze. Chatter and laughter soon reached my ears as I approached the square. It was interesting to see a whole village eat breakfast together. People were sitting on blankets on the ground, at the tables and benches from last night, the steps up to the house at the top of the hill.  Taiju called out my name and waved me over. I hurried over and sat down next to him. “Here,” he said, handing me a plate of food. Eggs, ham and potatoes filled the plate.  “These look grilled.” I mused.  “They are. Senku helped make a grill last week.” Taiju grinned. “Dig in.” “Thank you.” I picked up my fork and chowed down on the food. “Where’s Senku at?” I asked after a bit.  “Oh he’s over there at the grill having fun. Everyone is almost fed, he’ll be over in a minute.” “He cooks for everyone?” “Just today.” Taiju said.  “Why today?” “Oh! I’m sorry, I forget you don’t know the traditions. Today is July 4th. In America, they celebrate their independence on this day. Senku honors the countries who are still stuck in petrification by celebrating their unique holidays. On these occasions he cooks for the whole village.” “That’s very thoughtful of him.” I smiled.  “Do you have any plans today?” Taiju asked after a while. “My only plan is to hang out with you. I have a lot of questions.” “Good! I know just the spot we can go to get away from the bustle of the village. But only after you finish your whole plate.” He said in a brotherly tone.  I laughed. “Oh you bet I will.” Senku came over with a full plate of his own and sat down at the table next to me. “Morning.” He said.  “Good morning.” I smiled. I finished off my plate.  “Damn, done already?” He chuckled. “I’ll have to scarf this down to catch up.” He then leaned over and whispered into my ear. “My shirt looks damn hot on you.”  I tried to hide my blush but failed. “Oh shut up.” I said with a giggle.  He winked and took a bite of his food.  “I’m gonna hang out with Taiju after breakfast. Get some questions answered.” “Mm, of course. Take all the time you need. I need to get some work done so I won’t be very enteraining today.” Senku said in an apologetic tone. Then he looked over at Taiju next me. “I trust you’ll take care of her today.” “Of course, Senku.” He grinned, fist in the air. “Shall we go?” He asked me. “We shall.” I leaned over and kissed Senku’s cheek real quick without even thinking. I froze afraid I must’ve done too much. He only smiled and winked at me.  “Have fun. I’ll catch up with you when I’m done with my work.”  I smiled and took Taiju’s hand which he had out for me. We walked out of the village and hiked up a small mountain to a look out with a small fire pit.  “Here we are.” Taiju announced. He sat on the edge of the cliff and beaconed me to join. When I sat next to him and looked out I realized I could see the village from here. “Damn.” I said.  He leaned back on his hands. “So, what do you remember?” He asked.  “Last night I got two memories. The first one when you introduced Senku and I. The second was at the fight. When I tried the beer. It was when we all three got together that last summer. We were at the pool and I tried a beer for the first time.” He chuckled. “That was a good day.” “Will you tell me about us? Senku says I didn’t have a family...that I grew up with you.” His expression fell flat a bit. “You had a family. But they made some pretty bad choices and went to jail. Next to Senku, you were my best friend. So I begged my dad to adopt you and I didn’t stop until he agreed.” “How old was I?” “You were 5 when your parents went to jail and 7 when the papers finally went through.” “Really? How come Senku and I never met until high school?” “That would be dad's fault...he really wanted you to...be a girl. As he put it. He thought that if you hung out with Senku you’d end up like him and he didn’t think science was a good career for a girl.” “But...Senku said I was studying computer science.”  “You did. So, the way it went down was like this. From 8-11 dad enrolled you in every type of after school activity until you found something you liked that he approved of. You guys settled on dance and put you in ballet. You hated every single minute of it.” We both laughed.  “I can imagine I did. Dancing doesn’t even interest me now.” “Yeah dad wasn’t too happy about that. You came to me one day and told me that whole you had been looking up computer science. You said you did this often when you should’ve been sleeping. Then you asked me what kind of science Senku did. To be honest, you really looked up to him. The boy you could never meet.” “Why could it never happen?” “Dad went to extreme lengths to make sure you never hung out with Senku. You couldn’t stop talking about computers and science and he knew if you hung out with Senku it would only get worse—in his eyes.” I frowned.  “Now please, don’t hate him. Even back then you never hated dad for putting you through all that. You desperately wanted to make him proud and you bent over backwards for years to do that. But from 11-15 you really started to decline. Ballet forced you to eat less, and you never had any energy. You started to get sick. I had an argument with dad because he was completely blind to it. Still he didn’t take you out because he was convinced that you liked it. That’s when I talked with you and told you that you needed to tell dad that you hated it.” He paused and sighed. “Things didn’t go extremely well. You and dad argued and then you dropped out of ballet on your own by faking dad’s signature. When you came home from school that day you said that high school was just around the corner and there was a computer science course you wanted to take at the high school me and Senku were enrolling in. You and dad came to an agreement that if you got straight A’s your first year, he would consider allowing you to do it. And you surpassed that. You got straight A’s, you made top of your class, and you won the science fair.” “Against Senku?” “No. Unfortunately not. Senku didn’t join the science fair the first year.” “Aw...damn.” I chuckled. “So what happened at the end of the year?” “Dad said that if you could keep that up for one more year, he’d let you graduate and pay your tuition for any college you wanted. But...that’s when things went wrong.” “How so?” “You were still struggling with eating. And on top of that you were working overtime to prove this to dad. You ended up in the hospital after Christmas.” “What for...” I was scared of the answer.  “Anorexia. You were barely 100 pounds. I was so scared for you.” He sat up and crossed his legs under him. “I remember I sat down with you and had a heart to heart. You told me that the girls at ballet bullied you from eating and the pressure to look a certain way remained even after you left. You started to get depressed because you immediately assumed that dad wouldn’t let you finish because you were in the hospital. So I helped you.” “Oh? How?” “I brought in your homework every night and I text Senku for any help. I helped you make your projects and I even stood in for you at the second science fair. To which of course, Senku won.” He laughed. “But my only condition for you was gain weight and eat your food. By March you gained 50 pounds and was no longer considered underweight. Dad let you finish out the school at home under a watchful eye when you ate and when your report came back as straight A’s, dad made good on his promise.” “And that’s when I got to meet Senku?” “Mhmm. Things were looking up for you and I know you never forgot about him. I never expected things to turn out the way it did for you two but I’m happy it did.” Said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Senku is an amazing man. You guys were meant for each other. My only regret is not introducing you sooner to be honest.” I smiled. “Thank you, Taiju. You were there for me during some pretty dark times and if I never got a chance to say it back then; thank you. I hope I can remember the bond we shared and I hope we can continue to be close.” He pulled me into his side, enveloping me with his arms. “If there’s anything you need, please keep coming to your big brother for help.” “I will.” I said, hugging him back. “Can you tell me more? What did you and I do for fun?” He chuckled and laid down on the cool rock, taking me down with him. I rested my head on his chest. “Man you were wild for a while. Despite working so hard in school you occasionally woke me up to sneak out of the house and go to a party or a club.” “Did I really??”  “Ohhh yeah,” he laughed. “That memory you said you got, at pool with me and Senku? Yeah that wasn’t your first time trying beer.”  “What? It wasn’t?” “Nope. That was your first time trying a beer and rum combo. You weren’t an alcoholic but you enjoyed a drink occasionally - you were just very adventurous with it.” I smiled. “Did Senku ever talk to you about me?” “Oh all the time.” Taiju said.  “What would he say?” “I remember his top comment about you was, ‘she’s amazing and smart and I never thought I’d be this lucky.’” “Pfffft you’re lying. That doesn’t sound like Senku.” He laughed. “Damn it, you caught me.”  “Hey!” I Smacked his chest. “You cheek!” He belly laughed. “I’m sorry, I had to at least see if you’d believe it. But for real, Senku couldn’t shut up about you. He honestly was amazed with your smarts. He was impressed by all your accomplishments. He tried to keep with you, you know.” “How so?” “When we were young. He saw you always watching or asking to hang out. And then whenever you had a question or a theory I’d remember it and ask him and he’d give me the best advice to give you so you could work it out on your own. Often he would text me late at night to ask if you had figured it out.” “Really?” He shook his head. “Really. You may have looked up to him a lot, but he also was very keen on watching you grow.”  “I wish I could remember how it felt...” I mumbled.  “How what felt?” “Falling in love for the first time.” He squeezed my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I wish I could help.” “Tell me more. Anything that comes to your mind.” “Hmm...I think my favorite thing we did when we were younger was you would sneak into my room and we made a fort and played pretend in space. You pretended to be a valiant hero and I was an alien.” He chuckled. “That’s a fun memory.” I closed my eyes and listened to him talk. “I do have to confess, I may have read your journal after you enrolled in high school. I wanted to know if you wrote anything about Senku so I could have a better idea.” “Did I?” “One entry. It was the newest one.” “What did it say?” “I honestly can’t remember fully. I remember the sentence, ‘Senku will be there, I can’t wait to see him. I wonder if he’ll think I’m weird.’ I went to school for the next week and did nothing but pick his brain about his thoughts for you.” “He probably caught on quick.” “Nah, Senku’s an idiot with things like that. He didn’t catch on in the slightest.” I laughed. “Thank you for telling me all this. I hope I get these memories back soon.”

“Me too.” He smiled.

********

Tag list: @viskafrer  @bee-cakes @potatochic2003 @gxldenhunny @cheesey-fox @guijh103 Please DM me if you would like to be added to the tag list!

If you let me chapter 1

Céline was wandering around, thinking about a girl, she thought she would only ever love Stephen, but she knew he would never love her back like that, they had their son together and they were friends, but that is all they would ever be.

But there was someone else, Rosemary, when she first saw her she thou6she was beautiful, but she didn't know she was attracted to her, in fact Céline didn't know she liked girls like that at all, but whenever she thought of Rosemary, she blushed and her heart sped up, the last time her and Rosemary hung out, she wanted to play with her her and wondered what kissing her would feel like.

But again, Céline loved someone she couldn't have, Rosemary was married to a man named Johnny, he was abusive and an ass, Céline wanted to take Rosemary away but Rosemary had their baby 6 months ago, Jace was six now, Céline didn't know why but when she was looking for names she came across the name Jace and her and Stephen agreed to name him that, his middle name was after an ancestor, Jace William Herondale, her baby, Stephen had been killed in on a mission by Valentine, Céline knew it was him and it had broken her, Jace never knew his father but he left a letter, Céline had never opened it, she was waiting for Jace to be old enough, she only survived cause she caught on to what Valentine had been doing to Jace, and she kept it a secret, but she also knew Valentine wasn't really dead, and that sent chills down her spine.

But back to happier thoughts, It was nice to hold a baby again, Rosemary named her son Christopher and Céline loved the little baby boy, so did Jace, Céline would daydream about raising their boys together and being happy together, yeah she wasn't straight.

"Mangoes," Jace said

Céline looked over and saw someone was selling fresh mangoes, her Jace loved mangoes

"We'll get some, baby," she said

"Yay," he said, in his toddler voice that made Céline's heart feel so much love for him.

They got some, and went back home, she cut some up for Jace and he gladly ate them, and thanked her afterwards, also gave her a hug and a kiss, even tho she didn't have romantic love in her life she had all the love in this little boy that she would ever need.

______

Rosemary was lying awake, thinking about her again, lately she couldn't get Céline out of her head, she shouldn't be thinking about her like this, she was married, though she didn't love Johnny anymore, she thought she would love him forever but sometimes you fall out of love, right?

She remembered his reaction when she told him she was pregnant with Kit, he wasn't happy but he didn't get angry either, she didn't know what to think about his reaction, she hoped he loved their son, but she'd see Céline with him and she was so gentle and sweet and kind, and little Jace was too, and Rosemary thought, Johnny wasn't that way with Kit.

She felt tears fall down her face, she was so unhappy now, and she had to worry about the riders finding her, she met with Magnus Bane and he helped her with a spell that concealed her for a time but she had to have it recast on her ragularly, she didn't know how he had done but he did, she finally decided to listen to the Silent Brother who called himself Brother Zachariah, and he told her to see Magnus Bane, and somehow he did it, she could never repay him.

Johnny was out late in the Shadow Market , doing who knows what, and she wished Céline was here to lighten things, but Céline was in Paris and she was in Los Angeles, Céline would come visit from time to time, she said she wanted to let Jace experience travel a little, and she often came here for her job, she was a photographer and she was amazing and talented, Rosemary knew why people Hired her for photoshoots, Céline had left the Shadowhunter life and was now hiding in ways, she didn't keep it a secret and she said when Jace could understand she would tell him, because he would figure out anyway. but Rosemary wasn't sure if she should tell Kit when he grew up, but he would need to know so he would be safe.

______

Céline had put Jace to bed and decided to look at the mail, there was a letter from Maryse Lightwood, she had kept in touch with them, they weren't friends but she wanted to keep contact with someone, and Maryse did in a professional way, though she did notice Maryse would mention her kids from time to time now, Céline wished Jace could meet them, be around other kids more, he played with the downworld children here, but Céline had to be careful who he interacted with, he was so sweet and gentle with them, he didn't think any differently of them, and she thought if only we kept the thought process and innocence of kids, maybe we wouldn't be so cruel to Downworlders.

Maryse wrote in the letter that if Céline was interested she could come to the New York Institute for a while and their kids could meet, she would have to take up that offer and maybe invite Rosemary if she can get away from Johnny, but Rosemary probably wouldn't want to, Céline was still nervous around Robert Lightwood, and she knew people didn't look at her kindly, saying she stole Stephen from Amatis and that Jace shouldn't have been born, and if it were just her they were talking about she wouldn't care but not her baby, he is good, so so good.

She left in the night when she was 8 months pregnant, Valentine intended to kill her and she knew but she escaped and had hid herself well enough he didn't find her, she wondered what Imogen thought, she had never met her grandson but how could Céline face that woman, she would exile her and probably take Jace, she couldn't allow that.

She was exhausted mentally and emotionally

She also heard Jocelyn ran away, she wondered wherw she went, and even though she knows Jocelyn hates her, she hoped she was ok.

Céline decided to call it a night and get ready for bed, she checked in Jace one last time before she did, and climbed into her bed, letting sleep take her away.

-

She woke to the sound of Jace saying mommy, and opened her eyes

"Baby what's wrong?" She asked as she picked him up and put sat him on her bed

"I had a bad dream again," he said

"It's ok, by sweet boy," she said and rocked him in her arms

Jace often had dark dreams, she wasn't sure why but she did her best to comfort him when he did, and she would let him stay with her on the nights he had them, he snuggled up to her and went back to sleep, she also fell back to sleep with him in her arms, everything will be alright she told herself every night, he can find you she thought, he can't take Jace away from you. Maybe she should go to the New York Institute, maybe she would be safer there?

(hopefully you like, I had to do something, I am in love with this idea and wlw)

@khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko tagging you two 🙈