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batmanisagatewaydrug · 3 months

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Hello sex witch! I hope i am not disrespectful or annoying in sending this ask. Im a mid 20s straight dude who has never had any sexual experience, and i know people constantly say that it doesnt define me, that i shouldnt base my self worth on that, but the fact is it is incredibly alienating to be an adult who simply does not participate in what for most people seems to be a normal part of adult life. I want to have sexual experiences, but at this point im afraid i am like… too broken to start? Like who would want to initiate a sexual experience with someone like me yknow? I guess im asking for advice in how to overcome this kind of thing and begin having a sex life. Even if you can’t provide much advice, I’m hoping that if you post this, maybe other people in my situation will feel a little less alone. Love and light to you <3

hi anon,

this isn't disrespectful or rude at all, and I'm glad you're willing to reach out for advice about this! I often worry that I'm missing the 20-something straight dude demographic, but I'm glad to know some of y'all are out there, because you deserve compassionate conversations about sex as much as everyone else does :)

I'm gonna say this right up front: you're not broken. nobody is! whenever you find yourself worrying that there's something about you that would make any potential partner go running, I want you to imagine the situation were reversed. if a woman you were attracted to told you something about herself that was the same thing you're ashamed of in yourself, would you stop being attracted to her?

in this case, would it be a dealbreaker for you that someone else hadn't had any previous sexual partners? would you think they were broken and unfuckable, or would you see that as just one aspect of a person who's much more than their sexual history?

if you wouldn't feel negatively about a partner having that trait then I'm sorry, you're not allowed to hate it in yourself! them's the rules!

listen: very rarely does a person pick a sexual partner because of their extensive sexual resume. people connect over shared interests, over similar senses of humor and values, over bonds that can be formed in a second if the vibes are right. most people won't care how many other partners you've had; they'll care if you seem interesting and dynamic and worth getting to know more in a carnal manner.

listen: ultimately, you have very little control over whether or not you have sex. it's largely a matter of luck and coincidence unless you feel like paying someone to have sex with you, which is a fine thing to do - sex workers need to make rent, after all. but what you can control is how you show up in the world, how you express yourself, and how you interact with others. cultivate yourself. dedicate time to your interests, take loving care of yourself, learn to do things that make you happy without shame, practice being a good friend and conversational partner, take risks that let you have fun outside your comfort zone.

in short, focus on the areas of your life that you can control rather than dwelling on the ones dictated so heavily by chance. the best case scenario is that you become the sexiest, most interesting person alive; the worst case scenario is that you enjoy life more fully whether you have a partner or not.

also, hey: for what it's worth, studies pretty consistently find that most people tend to WILDLY overestimate the amount of sex that other people are having while considering themselves below average. the truth is that you're unlikely to be nearly as much of an outlier as you worry that you are.

#sex edventures 2024

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catboybiologist · 9 months

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I'm trans! Here's a way-too-long ramble on my internal thoughts on that!

My other posts on this:

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/725852054829023232/im-going-to-document-some-things-about-my?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/725851397783011328/the-short-answer-is-no-but-im-gonna-have-a?source=share

So yay I’m trans! Which like, is neither unexpected nor abnormal for the community I’ve fostered here, so I’m guessing most of y’all’s reactions is just a “hey cool”. But, you see the online side of me, not the irl side, so there’s still a lot of thoughts to sort out on my end. So I’m dumping a lot of thoughts here to sort all that out. And hoooly shit, it got very long, and I still feel like I have more to say… but yeah. If you wanna hear some perspectives on my relation to gender, transness, and femboy culture, read on!

I guess the best way I can think to style this is as an interview with an imaginary third person, sooo…. Bold text is questions I can imagine people having LOL

So what’s my own personal relationship with the term femboy, catboy, and gendered terminology in general? Is the name of your accounts gonna change?

Short answer, no. I like the name CatboyBiologist. “Catboy” itself is a term that is completely untethered from gender at this point to me. Tbqh, the “cat” part feels more wrong than the boy part- as time goes on, I’ve generally ditched the cat ears for most of my outfits as I take them a bit more seriously. Maybe that’ll change when my transition actually starts, but for now, CatboyBiologist stays, and the femboy related language stays in all of my own past posts (keyword, past- more on that in a bit).

I’m not gonna be updating my approach to pronouns. Any pronouns do just fine, I’m sending a vibe into the world and pronouns are my feedback as to what other people interpret that vibe is. Default to they/them if you don’t know what to do with that.

I will be updating my pinned post to link all of these posts, but mostly copy/paste the information from before. That might take a moment cuz I’m lazy, tbh.

And let’s get something else out of the way.

I’m not socially transitioning yet, and probably won’t for a while.

Which, I think leads to a lot of follow up:

Well, why not?

I present fully male and masculine on a day to day basis, and look the part too. Part of it is just this looks insecurity. The mask stays on in my pictures for a reason. Beyond just facial hair (which grows aggressively on me and always shows some shadow), my face looks pretty masculine overall. It takes time to look the way I do in my posts. I wanna give my face and body some time to change so I can look more femme in more casual ways before I present it to the world.

Beyond that, I’m also just worried about being “accepted” as femme straight off the bat. Implicitly, I know this will be easier if I already have some small amounts of physical feminization down my belt.

There’s two main environments that worry me: family, and professionally. Family is a weird hot mess grey area that is too personal to talk about here, but the professional atmosphere is certainly going to be a bit… weird. I live in an accepting geographic region, and around people who are very outspokenly trans supportive…. But most of whom are cishet and simply don’t have a lot of experience seeing or working around trans people. I’m more afraid of being seen as “trans first, biologist second” as far as my career is concerned, than I am about outright transphobia. I know this will never fully go away, and given that I’m 6’2”, I’ll probably never “fully” pass- but I’d at least like people to implicitly read my as femme on a gut level before I start changing how I present that way. One thing my irl femboy experience has shown me is that, even if people can “clock” you intellectually, the way their gut instinct reads you affects whether they treat you as masc or femme. I hope that makes sense on some level. Of course its always going to be an awkward shift, but I hope some time on HRT will make it less awkward.

I’ve come out to one person that doesn’t know about this online persona, or the depths of my queerness. They straight up told me they were shocked. They were incredibly supportive, but they told me they didn’t see it coming at all. And they already knew that I “crossdressed occasionally”. So that’s kinda what I’m working with here.

Essentially, I’m not actually truly “transitioning” in a real sense yet. More than that, I feel like I’m getting the ball rolling. If there’s anything I learned in my research, it’s that HRT takes a while, much longer than anyone expects (suppressing my rant about how the media cherrypicks people in early transition for trans representation and the effect that has on public perception). Two years is often cited as the “end” point, but based on both scientific and anecdotal accounts, that is wildly untrue and variable. I also know that the first changes onset quickly (skin and mood, most notably), but that overall body shape changes sometimes take a VERY long time to start and progress. So to be quite honest, I barely feel like I’m transitioning yet, I’m just laying groundwork for the future.

So yeah. I’m gonna be boymoding for a bit. Possibly a year or more. Even for the people who know, I’ve still asked them to address me as he/him or they/them, and use my masculine name for now (haven’t even really decided on a femme name yet, although I have ideas [open to suggestions as well]).

Wait, so why address it online at all?

Put simply, honesty. I’m displaying a lot of selfies and experimentation with my look here, and I want to make it abundantly clear what I’m doing to have an effect on that. People have asked me if I’m on HRT in comments before, and like, I’m not gonna lie about that. Might as well also make a shitpost, a data gathering post, and a too-long ramble about it as well (which you’re reading now!).

There are a LOT of body image issues in femboy spaces (and trans spaces too!), often among very young people. While I have no issue with people on HRT continuing to call themselves a femboy (more on that in a bit), I do think transparency on that matter is helpful for those body image issues.

So to make it abundantly clear: all of my selfies and pictures that I’m labeling and tagging as “femboy” are pre-HRT. In the future, everything I tag with “trans” is post-HRT. I still got 1-2 weeks before actually starting, and I’m still going to use the femboy tag for any outfits I post during that time. The moment an estradiol pill hits my mouth, though, new pics will use trans tags.

Posts that relate to discussion of the interplay of the communities, and how I view myself within them, I’ll tag with both.

Which leads to another follow up question. This one isn’t about me specifically, but it’s my hot take about a certain brand of trans discourse I’ve seen around (mostly on reddit tbh):

Why would someone who knows they’re mtf trans willingly call themselves a femboy and/or request people to “misgender” them?

So this is actually gonna be striking a nerve with me, and I know I’m gonna kinda be strawmanning here by arguing against the ghost of reddit comments past. I’m not gonna try to dig any of them up in the internet archive, but they are sentiments I’ve seen multiple times.

I’ve seen this question almost word for word in the comments of trans subreddits multiple times. Imma be blunt, and it’s maybe gonna sound a little mean. If this thought is going through your head, you’re likely way more sensitive and particular about labels than most people. And that’s okay! Ask people to address you how you want, you deserve that respect! But the real answer to this question is that many people simply don’t mind being called whatever label is most useful or familiar to themselves in various contexts.

The moment that it becomes completely unacceptable is when someone does actually change their pronouns, name, presentation, etc, and people still address them as “male” or “femboy”. That is completely the fuck out of line, and if you don’t agree, fuck off.

Why does this strike a little bit of a nerve with me? Well, the “conclusion” I saw reached in these trans spaces multiple times when the subject was brought up was annoying as hell. That conclusion was that the only or primary reason that people labeled themselves a femboy, even while on HRT… was to sell their onlyfans. My fucking god, seriously? This is just conservative rhetoric. Luckily, on tumblr, it seems that people are a lot more accepting towards people using whatever language they like to describe themselves, which I’ve enjoyed a lot.

I’ve also had a lot of hate towards “fencesitting” directed at me on reddit, from trans people, for calling myself a femboy. I can’t remember it verbatim, but I very distinctly recall getting a DM that went something like “I fucking hate femboys, just transition already. You’re making us (transfemmes) look bad.” So yeah. Bit of a sore spot.

Yadda yadda yadda the personal journey shit

If I can be real for a moment…. In an ideal world, I would still want to be a part time femboy. Even moreso than the sheer utility of it all (eg, enjoy cis male privilege when I want, but still get treated more femme in certain contexts), it feels almost more profound to fuck with gender norms without sitting on one side of the gender line or another. But I can’t really ignore what I’ve described as my “mental resting state”- a baseline crackle of dysphoria that fills the space in my head when there’s nothing else to fill it. It’s easily distracted, but its always there, and I can’t imagine living my life that way anymore.

I’ve pretty much known I was trans since I was about 12, and had a realization that puberty was just starting to hit me, and I hated it. I suppressed it deeply, for many, many reasons that I don’t think I want to share here. But it made a lot of other mental health struggles in my life a lot worse, even if I didn’t consciously acknowledge that’s what was happening. By the time I was willing to consciously acknowledge it, I realized that my dysphoria wasn’t so bad as to dive in right away. But, I made moves to stabilize my life overall, which have been massively beneficial to me in other ways as well.

During the pandemic, I found myself living alone for the first time ever. So during the pandemic, in one last ditch effort to try to convince myself I wasn’t trans, I delved into femboy aesthetics to try and “just be a feminine man”.

That failed.

So yeah, here I am. I have a wonderful queer community both irl and online, a meagre but stable income, health insurance that has great coverage for trans care, and accepting people around me in my life. It’s long overdue. Maybe I’ll beat myself up for waiting so long and masculinizing so much as a result, but I don’t think I really could have done it any other way.

This all said, I don’t actually really consider myself a woman yet. I’m sure many of you are aware of two different ways transfemmes view themselves(and trans people in general, but using a transfemme perspective here):

-Some view themselves as having always been girls or women, but took some time to realize it and make their body more comfortable for themselves with that information.

-Others view themselves as boys or men who made efforts to become women later.

I fall strongly in the second line of thinking for myself. For my own personal experiences, even though I have felt dysphoria for a long time, I don’t really think I’m “actually” a woman yet. I don’t know what my identity as a woman looks like yet. But I deeply want to discover and create who that person is, and there’s no way to do that without transitioning.

B but… BASIC BIOLOGY!!!!!

How many biology degrees do you have? I got a BS and an MS, and I’m working on my PhD. I’m sure you’ve brought a similar level of expertise to this discussion.

But seriously, I could genuinely write an entire fucking essay about how studying biology has influenced my views on this subject, but honestly, that’s an entirely different topic. But tl;dr is that bioessentialism is brainrot, and if someone tries to use essentialist language to “justify” someone’s transness (or gender in general)… well, I think they’re wrong. Plain and simple. We don’t say someone isn’t “really able to see” if they put glasses in front of their eyes.

I’m stopping myself before I write more here, because this warrants another post or even a fucking video essay, to be quite honest. But yeah. Biology based.

Conclusion?

Uhhhh… in conclusion, I’m not particular about language or pronouns you use for me, I’m making posts about it anyways to ensure honesty associated with my selfies, if you’re transphobic jump of the tallest bridge you can find. I think that about covers it.

#femboy #transitioning #trans #transgender #mtf #cross dressing

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gloriousburden · 5 months

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though im also critical of it, ragnarok is one of my favs especially cus it endeared me with brodinson interactions (shoutout elevator scene) but after that, i didnt like future loki portrayals. it somewhat flipped loki's aspirations, although i liked how he really seemed a god of mischief i wished for more digging into that. if i said "country boys make do" and did what what i could, then i look at loki betraying thor once more as his warped way of saying "we've come to deeper understanding of e/o more and idk how to be your brother but i want to, this is all i know." (i imagine his ass is that type in fights "IDC! LEAVE! *wants them to stay* i feel frigga was the only person who saw that in him growing up and was there).

coulson did say to him "you lack conviction"; loki's always kind of struggling with himself to find his genuine purpose whether w/ being a king or a brother.

after that though i didnt care for loki they just took his popularized character traits and made him shout them out every second "hehe thats just what loki does!" and things i wanted delved into weren't addressed, or when they were it was poorly. i only seen season 1 but its loki content i just distance from

personally, i liked loki's personality shining in ragnarok. but like this time tom hiddleston said "loki should be an entertaining character but also that there should be a shred of truth" thats how i feel. about all future loki. i think they saw the numbers that loki did in ragnarok, and then on fucked up portraying him, and his depth

hi i sincerely apologize for seeing this so late 💔

personally, during my initial mcu watch, i did actually kind of enjoy ragnarok. although i did realize it’s issues such as pretty much everyone’s characterization (but especially loki’s), the way odin’s death was… Not as serious as it should’ve been, the way everything was too Haha funny joke, korg, the racist thor/bruce joke (which i will actually make a post about eventually), etc…

i did think it was a fun movie. it wasn’t until i rewatched it for a second time, after rewatching the thor movies/avengers 2012 that i realized.. yeah, this isn’t really that good and the earlier movies featuring thor, loki, or asgardians in general really were better.

personally, i prefer the humorous side of loki’s personality more in the dark world over the one in ragnarok. he was being funny and joking around, but it didn’t feel forced. it still felt like loki. in ragnarok, to me at least, it felt very forced and off for loki’s character. in the dark world, they didn’t necessarily have to belittle loki’s character and make him the laughing stock of the movie to make him funny. in ragnarok, they did.

and of course we see that continue a thousand times worse in the s*ries.

you are so right about the popularized character traits point. it’s like when people gossip about something, and as the word gets out to more people, it loses context and only leaves the very basic details of the gossip in the first place. that’s what they did with loki, pretty much. but that a thousand times over if this analogy even makes sense.

honestly do not even bother watching season 2 if you already know about the ending. i actually do think it was a little better than the first season. it was a little more interesting as well. but loki’s characterization was still HORRIFIC. there’s this interrogation type scene with one of the newer characters, this guy who works at the tva, and i guess they tried to make loki seem as though he’s still mischievous and working on his own accord instead of a goody two-shoes, pushover or whatever. idk man. whatever it was, it didn’t work.

and also they put this scene where he’s basically crying over mobius and various other tva workers to sylvie saying that he misses his friends (the friends in question being mobius and the most random tva workers ever) ??? 😭😭😭 i really do not believe that his ass was that devastated over these random ass characters who did not care about him…

basically, his personality was still more that of a silly little english man (not in a good way, trust me.) who works in a cubicle rather than a literal god/prince who speaks very eloquently and in old english. (taking this as an opportunity to say that i miss the old english/shakespeare in the park-esque way he and thor used to speak 😔 it was so fun.)

anyway this is very all over the place and i’m probably missing a few things but thank you so much for the ask!!! it was interesting to read.

#ask #my answers #anti thor ragnarok #anti loki series #loki series criticism #thor ragnarok criticism #loki #thor #loki 💭

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bright-and-burning · 1 month

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A driver placing 12th over 14th in a single race can mean millions of dollars difference to smaller teams like Williams. I think its worth it

to be clear here i am relatively new to f1 and also still in the emotional react zone lol. ALSO ALL OF THIS IS SAID WITH LOVE! i do really like both of them so much

first off why didn’t they have a spare chassis. is that normal. that feels… dumb. i’ve never worked in logistics but that feels Really Really dumb.

SECOND OFF I JUST REMEMBERED TEAM TORQUE. OH THE VIBES ARE GONNA BE HORRENDOUS

anyways. this is gonna sound stupid of me but i kind of forgot how it works in terms of tie breakers so i wasn’t… super thinking abt non-points positions (AGAIN! thinking emotionally!!)

this is long and rambling. please don’t destroy me for not knowing what i’m talking about bc i really really don’t. also i don’t necessarily have a conclusion of “is it worth it or not” i am just . side eyeing. very unsure about whether it will be or not in the end. it kinda boils down to “i think this is complicated math bc trying to quantify some of the effects of this is literally impossible and im worried about those unquantifiable effects”

my thinking here is kind of. is 12th instead of 14th worth it if it means you’ve wildly undermined a driver’s … idk trust? confidence in the team? and i don’t mean this in a vague “think abt the emotional impact!” way i mean this as. how is this going to affect how the rest of the season goes?

i mean, even just this race lol. birthday curse aside, alex has just got a whole lot more pressure on him, on a course he’s got a not-fantastic history with, as far as i can tell. it’s his job to handle pressure, obviously, but it’s certainly an… interesting position to put someone in

in terms of the rest of the season… for me mentality was/is such a massive part of success in sports. i deeply dislike the “didn’t want it enough” narratives in other sports (whole other story) but. you do have to believe in yourself. and if thats true for a sport where you’re running around in circles, or where you’re kicking a ball around, i imagine it’s doubly so for driving around tight corners at nearly 300kph or whatever. it’s not williams’/james vowles’ job, i guess, to foster an environment where that self-belief is maintained or built, but in that case, what was the point of all that talk?

you spend all this time being like we have confidence in you and your improvement, and then bam. i would be desolate lol. like circling back to 12th vs 14th… idk a part of me is like. if we could quantify the impacts of this on logan over the season, what if that bit of confidence is the difference between 15th and 17th. but like, in every race. obviously we don’t know how this season would go without this happening so this is like wild speculation. and i am PRAYING for spite to kick in and become a massive motivator here. like i get that williams isn’t responsible for logan’s headspace but. they do want to maximize their drivers’ performance, right? i personally am unsure that this is the way to do that

tldr a) why no spare chassis. that fuckin spreadsheet bruh. b) why talk all that talk to do this. like i can follow the logic of the decision! i really and truly can (especially remembering how non-points positions matter. whoops) but i don’t respect the going from oh we have full confidence to a blatant demonstration that they… don’t. c) i am sad

#ask #like i get it on a pure short term placement level. i am just. sad and worried abt the future :(#hence why i posted ‘i know im not being normal rn’#williams moment #aus24

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bunnieshoneys · 9 days

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geto anon here: holy fuck i just know that oneshot would be amazing but no pressure obviously. but can i just ramble a lil bit here? ignore me if u want lmao ok so the whole thing with geto being a manager and apparently really good with strategies and stuff just made me imagine him as an engineer cause. idk why but i personally feel like it fits him. especially if we consider canonical geto whos so smart and talks a lot and explains things lmao like when he explains tengen to satoru that one time and satoru is like nod nod yea just like digimon. i love their dynamics way too much. and also the way geto was basically gojos moral compass and he told gojo to stop saying ore and start saying boku instead AND GOJO DID so im here imagining them in this au. for ur au 💀 where geto gets into being an engineer instead of a racer. it would honestly be funny just the two bickering and having different views on the strategy. i know basically nothing about racing and f1. but just yea the whole. geto coming up with strategies and gojo being pissed at first cause geto is so righteous and bossy but then they just fit together seamlessly and become the strongest duo. gojo the best racer and geto the best engineer and gojo is like. i would never trade my engineer for anyone. hes a big part of the reason i win at all. ill just quit if he does. and about geto being bitter. ur right it does depend on how u see him. in this case yes obviously if hes been a racer this whole time it would feel like hes downplaying himself to be smth else and let someone take the titles he wants. but yea just i feel like if that wasnt the case stsg would have really cool dynamics. and hopefully he would know the job of engineer is really important. he has got to value himself. also imagine them maybe dating/pining and then theyre working and having to be careful with what they say during the races cause it can be recorded and used against them. like theyll say some gay shit over the radio and try to downplay it afterwards 💀 idk its just cool to think about 😭 sorry for rambling but yea just i love ur fic and it makes me think a lot

hi again!!! EDIT; if u drop ur ao3 on an ask, anon, when/if i do write it ill gift it to you

yea id defo write it as a oneshot so id probably keep it (fairly) light .. if you've read ANY of my other works inc my longform banana fish then you'll know im not really capable of writing straight fluff lol

i think it largely depends on whether riko still dies and whether getou's dad still dies. could do something really evil with that lmao...

but aside from that im kind of a fan of stories being changed by One Thing Changing, that you think is gonna change the entire dna of a story because of how important it is, and then it fails to change anything important, in the end. because the characters are still the same and they still come to the same end. its a challenge as a writer to bring them to that point with a completely different route.

that being said id probs write it around 10-20k as a oneshot set aroooouuuund 2013. it would be interesting to see how much would change with getou being an engineer rather than a racer. (considering in coanda effect, he plays a key last-race role in both yuki's second championship and gojo's first).

i guess im making this at some point lmao i found my niche... also their dynamic is so yummy defo

#fic: coanda effect

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chronicallyuniconic · 6 months

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Do doctors exist simply to torment? What the fuck just happened😖

I cannot believe the fucking telephone appointment I've just had. It was setup a couple of weeks ago under "medication review" but didn't specify what medication they'd be reviewing. A simple medication review. I've done it 1000 times, usually with a pharmacist.

This time, a doctor/pharmacist/receptionist I don't know, I've never heard or seen before calls (even tho it's from the surgery number), "I'm ringing about your med review" I ask him to clarify which ones as I wasn't told. One of them is my migraine tablet(M), the other my asthma inhaler(A).

"How long have you been on M?" "You can't be on M anymore as they (are known to) impact your asthma" I explained I'd been on them for a long while and have not had any asthma problems because of them. I explained what does flare my asthma. Then he says "well if M are causing wheezing..." No I said, they don't cause wheezing, I've had no problems despite you saying they impact my asthma." He responds with, "How do you know its asthma, what if you DON'T have asthma?" is this guy taking the piss? I look at my phone to make sure I am actually speaking to the fucking surgery I'm registered with.

Like... I get inhalers every month, before covid I go to asthma clinic every year (because you have to), I had to have my tonsils removed as a child because they stopped me breathing & tonsilitis always made asthma flare. It's been there since childhood (thanks for the prenatal cigarettes mam). And all of a sudden my old ass is having to explain to what is basically a stranger on my phone, about my own asthma. This guy is sat there with my medical notes for fucks sake. I say to him "sorry are you actually questioning whether or not I have asthma something I've had my whole life?"

He goes back to his original point. "you can't have M anymore because of asthma" so I ask how to manage migraines without M. He offers another medication i can't take because they make you sleepy, and I already take meds that do that. If he'd looked...."oh they make you sleepy do they," talking to himself" well yes you would be quite zonked out so let's not do that one then"

He offers another medication used for "blood pressure." High, low? Who fucking knows? I told him about my BP problems for him to say "well let's see how you get on with it or give us a ring back" not even caring or failing to understand the frequency and severity of which I faint. Again, read my notes.

I'm waiting for a Neurology appointment I explain, as I have been having frequent seizures. "and what have they said about migraines?" IM WAITING FOR THE APPOINTMENT ASSHOLE. "oh yes, I see that here now, seizures, yes."

He goes back to asthma. I am just dying to get off the phone, I want this conversation to end. I am beyond livid. Multiple times he actually questioned diagnoses that are on his damn screen or didn't even bother to look at. He's prescribed something I didn't even hear the name of because I wanted to launch my phone, that I can "pick up" from reception. My guy, I am bed/housebound. Again, if he only read the notes.

Now I have to wait to see what this is, understand why and if what he was going on about with the M is correct. It feels weird to be suddenly told nah ya can't really be on this now, unless some rules have changed overnight and they're having to cover their tracks.

This guys behaviour and words caused all sorts of medical trauma to surface, that constant battle of not being believed, being second guessed, and this time it's about fucking asthma, you know my INABILITY to breathe. I must somehow be imagining it and not really need an inhaler eh?

The best bit, the cherry on top, the icing on the cake, the bit that lessened my anger and brought me back to the sick joke the world is playing was "we would like to see you about your asthma and inhalers but due to STAFF SICKNESS, it will have to be in the New Year."

They forget that I have chronic fatigue and chronic pain, I'm just left to deal with this shit. Most of the time, I can't because I'm unable. So fed up. I just want to be believed. Heard. Does anyone do their job properly anymore? Do any doctors exist that want to help a patient or is it just fiction for the television?

Exhausted after all this.

#chronic life #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic fatigue #tw doctors #spoonie problems #chronic migraine #asthma #It ain't easy being wheezy #medical trauma #sick of it

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newfeeling77 · 7 months

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i dont know if this is an anxiety thing or more so an abused child thing (POST IS POSITIVE BEAR WITH ME) but every day i notice things that are easier to do bc im not constantly second guessing myself or whether or not ill get in trouble. bc u get to a point in adulthood where u realize u dont get in trouble the same way you used to. i notice it the most at my job bc when i started i was 17 and really terrified of anything n i would ask permission to complete every little task n i wouldnt think for myself at all i needed to be told everything. now i do new things all the time n i just come into it head first and im not scared bc i understand that not knowing doesnt mean im going to screw up n get yelled at you know. and i also am at a point where i know ppl being annoyed/mad at me doesnt last forever and it wont hurt me. like if i screw something up or do it wrong on purpose lol. like no one actually cares. its just nice to not be like crying n shaking all the time bc my manager was a little irritated with something. or a customer. and at school too like no one gets mad at you if you screw up an assignment or whatever like what. in general when you get away from ppl yelling at you all the time you realize the world is 10000x more forgiving than youd ever imagine

#i screw up small things every day n no one gets mad bc thats normal. this is life #its just the biggest thing i notice on a daily basis abt my anxiety lessening #i still am generally very anxious but its just different idk

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rin-and-jade · 4 months

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Hiii! I hope you had a great year or at least you had fun and felt that you're alive, safe and loved :) the holydays are coming and I cant shake the feeling that I must wish you a peaceful one :'D I hate holydays :')

So. I dont know if you can remember me. Im that person who's told you about all my struggles regarding studying and having issues with controlling my attention and how I couldn't manage to pass an exam bc of my dissociation/ time processing i think a year ago i've written you that message... (I managed to pass the second one and it was great actually) but I wanted to ask you something. If you have the knowledge and/ or experience of course. At first I must point out i've been diagnosed with bpd, I dont know if this is a trait of it or if its DID... but. im having trouble with identifying whether this kind of problem is among others with DID or if Im just strictly borderline (maybe its just denial) and so. is it something thats related to bordeline if im not seeing this personalities as being "present" as I am? Like, i cant say they have ever been there at least as always as long as I am most of the time. I feel like they are always just standing behind me looking after me but at the same time letting me doing all the work. Sure. there are times when some dude is taking over to do the physical chores or the dude whos taking over just to have fun and get drunk (she's here right now cuz im tipsy and tried to "have fun") or when im in nature the hippy one comes near just to show me how important it is just being alive and appreciating nature.... but I dont feel like they are some separeted beings from me. As I was saying, they let me do all the work. I happen sometimes to have emotional amnesia and doing things without having control but they arent here! Does it make sense? Sometimes they speak to me and try to make themselves understood but only in those moments when im not aware as though they're sneaky and trying to hide from me... I doesnt seem fair, thats all.. and im really trying to make peace with them and whenever the persecutor comes into action im telling him to go fuck himself and try to be a bully with somebody else not with the persons who suffered. I mean why doesnt he try to come when we actually need him? For example when somebody is mean to us and we need to stop let ourselves be the black sheep or even when we feel verbally atacked? So im trying to get reasonable with him at that part. But there arent any signs that they really exist... they are somewhere deep I cant acces anything. And im thinking. I must have a to much active imagination. I given my sorrows and anxieties names, personalities overall. I feel guilty bc I dont want to seem like a bad person just for trying to find out what is going on in my dissociated mind (i dissociate a lot. So much that i cant understand my current life).... I dont want to seem like i pretend that I am someone or more likely somebodies that I am not.

So to summerize this: is it something common to find yourself that you lack the life activity around you of your personalities? They are only coming when its something urgent like remembering stuff at work or something that puts us in danger for not being neurotypicals, or when we need to remember what we studyied, what our names is, or how old are we (dont even get me started we sometimes guess wrong :'). ) when we have stuff to do and I feel like shit and I cant handle. What do you think? Sorry for the long message Im only trying to figure this out. Maybe you'll have a clue what im talking about because im getting the feeling that im too drunk to write concise (also this is not my first language)

Im gonna sign with two initials so you'll know from now on if we ever have other questions to ask you with L. (shes always trying to help shes the flower power one) and E. (shes just plain bold and very brave at everything she does)

Again im wishing you a wonderful day/night and a peaceful holyday (　・ω・)♡♡♡♤♤♤

Wait.. i KNOW you, it’s the brisk break method i ever told because sometimes focusing for too long depletes people’s energy faster and some other tips! Im so glad you actually passed because I’ve been sat here thinking if theres a change in your studies after seeing your ask being answered.

Would you pour me a glass too here as i say some stuffs,, also im having a great holiday, merry xmas.

I would admit that when we talk about alternate personalities between BPD and DID, its bit hard to actually discern which is which because it’s broad and everyone has it uniquely (aka will never be the same, thus cannot rule out easily) so.. hm. I have a way to explain and guide to your conclusion:

These two mental conditions fall into the same dissociative spectrum with different severity, thus why it may have similarities and could even overlap which will be harder to tell which belongs to what. That being said, the similarities with these two would be: some level of identity separation/disconnection, has normal and emotinal amnesia, automatic responses by dissociating to keep oneself from danger, and some inconsistencies with yourself.

The difference settles on the severity, how its triggered, and what related symptoms are commonly associated with the disorder.

As a bpd holder i can clearly tell apart which is from the disorder or not; you will have some sense of alternation, with this it won’t be as bad and you are aware that it’s part of you (which not always the case for did) + it doesn’t necessarily involve a shift in age, worldview or how you see yourself physically and more limited to states, percievings, and feelings. The critics are also in first-person for e.g. “this is so fricking stupid of me to say __ before, why did i do that???” That won’t apply to did.

Thats for one, though i want to keep it short so in general i want to say that bpd is from “idk which version of me is the actual me and i have a hard time finding and sticking to an authentic one” while did is “idk who i am and i thought i like this which turns out untrue after a few hours and i barely have got a sense of myself which makes me get stumped whenever i got asked something” kind of thing.

Things that are more bpd related: have struggles maintaining relations, mood swingy, fear of abandonment, emotional impermanence, anxious, very susceptible to amygdala hijacking

Things that are more did related: shifted sense of time, significant memory gaps, problems with memory consolidation and recall, frequent dissociation, feeling out of body, feeling not like yourself, inconsistent preferences

I cannot vouch if this is a yes or no about the question, coming from a system myself. So i hope you can do a bit more digging and use my insight to further help you, also feel free to contact me via DMs if it’s stull confusing. For now, i advice you to read more resources and take my words into account,

See you later!

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #sysblr #janswersask

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kithtaehyung · 1 year

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Okay, not trying to monopolize the inbox lol, but ive been thinking about things all morning, and i want to give context to my reactions to some things because you’re so talented you deserve to know exactly how much this affected me!

- Oh god, Ryen, dont take this from us: “Yoongi decides that he wants more of it. In a lot of other aspects of his life.”

He’s wanting things for himself! Yes, reader was the catalyst, but everyone gets inspired by something, and you kind of have to to come out of dark shit. That he’s gotten to a point where he wants to be better for HIMSELF! In more ways than outside the relationship! I know this was discussed more in the interlude, but this line right here hit me right in the feels. The way you have fully given us this example of what this type of growth looks like, how painful that process can be while it’s happening!

- “If he’s gonna bow out, he’s gonna do all the shit he wants to do first. One last time before reality fully severs the string that shouldn’t have tethered to your heart.” No he’s going to break her… no no no no no

I love that i was proven wrong here, that even if he didn’t open up to her, she would have been okay, that she learned how to be okay for herself!!! It still would have been devastating for me, but she would have been okay!!

- “If it was Yuri instead…” oop!!

Again you explored this further (i just love your writing, man), when she was talking about feeling betrayed. I love this exploration of the role reversal!! I’m guessing when they tell bro or in the build-up to that you’ll go more i to WHY she would feel betrayed… I’m trying to imagine one of my friends dating one of my sisters behind my back, maybe i just hate my sister’s current boyfriend enough that i can’t relate lol

- “Of course, this could just be another byproduct of your worrying, so you blaze past it. No more of that, remember? He’s proven himself over and over that you don’t have to second guess.” Ryen no!!!! How could you!!! Worry, girl worry!!!!

Ryen, I was gonna throw hands if my girl’s non-worrying was punished!!! Seriously though, just the way you show this growth in her thought process and how it can be hard to find where you can trust your instincts, but how she can do that by clearly identifying the external cues that give actual credence to the fear! It’s like a masterclass! I’m taking notes! I feel weird that my feedback is mostly about like… how you demonstrate anxiety… But it’s the way you talk about something so important (at the very least to me, but im guessing a whole lot of people) in a way that’s clear but still entertaining, emotional, is a catalyst for conflict and resolution story-wise in a way that’s true to life. It’s so good!!

- “This old, silly man.”

My favorite fucking line. Especially bc when i watch videos and clips of real life Yoongi i express this same sentiment all the time lol! Also this as the turning point for her realizing how she impacts him, of not just seeing herself as the recipient of good things in this relationship. Chefs kiss!

- “And you’ll be okay. No matter what happens now, you’ll brave those waters.”

Like i said before, this was so great! The joy i felt here for her! I felt so proud!!

- “Holy fuck, what else has he been screaming without a word? “ shit

‘Screaming without a word’ that hit me so hard! Just making me feel things over here without holding my hand?!?!?

- “Yoongi [10:06pm]: It’s all good. I got us” oh thank fuck

Not my distrustful ass ruminating last night about whether Jimin or Tae took his phone to reassure her bc he’s actually freaking out smh Literally none of my predictions of angst have been right! Need to get like reader and take your cues and not make up pain in my head!

I’m so glad i came across your blog and this story! You’ve given me so much, and done so in the most masterful way! Such a talent!!

-🚌

BUSSSS IM FINALLY HERE DFKDSF you posted this so quickly after forfeit dropped, too.. goodness. i will try not to be this late to responding again omfg i feel so bad for all the late ass responses T^T

you aren't monopolizing omg!! you can send as many messages as you want to, anytime<33

- Oh god, Ryen, dont take this from us: “Yoongi decides that he wants more of it. In a lot of other aspects of his life.”

you really do have to get yourself out of dark shit, bc at the end of the day you only have you! and i'm glad you noticed that he wants to be better for himself before anything else. that's the growth that i want all of us to have, not just our beloved 3tan yoongi. and it really can be so painful and scary?? but we will all be better for it when we start that process.

i'm glad you were proven wrong, too! because we all expect the worst (3tan yoongi very much included) but that didn't happen. reader would've been okay because they are so strong, but i'm glad that things unfolded the way they did.

- “If it was Yuri instead…” oop!!

AHHH YES. not a lot of people talked about the realization that reader had when thinking about the situation if it was flipped. like what if bro was hooking up with one of her friends? what if it was one of the friends we are used to seeing?? like that would be awkward as hell!! so why wouldn't reader and yoongi's situation be perceived any differently?

it's always fun to introduce new perspectives, especially when we're so entrenched in one for a long time. reality is a b it ch sometimes so there's that lol

DFLSDFHSD you really brought out to the masterclass word i'm gonna cry!! but yes, i knew reader has matured mentally up to this point - i mean, it's been a few chapters, so.. gotta see some incremental growth throughout them all! to show that growth in different ways is certainly a challenge, but one that i am very fine with trying to overcome.

I feel weird that my feedback is mostly about like… how you demonstrate anxiety… But it’s the way you talk about something so important (at the very least to me, but im guessing a whole lot of people) in a way that’s clear but still entertaining, emotional, is a catalyst for conflict and resolution story-wise in a way that’s true to life. It’s so good!!

whoa whoa don't feel weird about that at alllll, bus. you know my writing is intentional, so everything i bring up and talk about? you bet it's on purpose.

what is writing if not a little bit of social commentary? anxiety, depression, and any other mental subjects people deal with are prevalent and need to be discussed - and taught accurately about - a lot more. whether people pick up on these subjects while reading or not, i want them to be as normally presented as they would show up in life. because they're there.

we can't shy away from these things or see them as weaknesses, either, bc they are not.

- “This old, silly man.”

AHAHAH YESSS we love our silly old man that's my age but i digress. and the realization hidden in this line, too? i'm glad you noticed<33 now reader knows that they aren't alone in the cloudy mind department.

- “And you’ll be okay. No matter what happens now, you’ll brave those waters.”

Like i said before, this was so great! The joy i felt here for her! I felt so proud!!

god, i'm so proud of both of them. i really do wanna dive back into this chapter again just to witness everything all over again.

- “Holy fuck, what else has he been screaming without a word? “ shit

‘Screaming without a word’ that hit me so hard! Just making me feel things over here without holding my hand?!?!?

ahhhh.. thank you omg.. this commentary hit me in the feels!!

- “Yoongi [10:06pm]: It’s all good. I got us” oh thank fuck

SLDFDSHF the overthinking aspect is so real, too!! like yes it makes for something to write about but dear god i know how overthinking can really get to you.

I’m so glad i came across your blog and this story! You’ve given me so much, and done so in the most masterful way! Such a talent!!

thank you so much for everything, bus!! you've been so wonderful to have here and i'm glad you're enjoying all the writing. i am blushing so hard right now LOL you better quit before i cry even more!

#i love you!!!#🚌 anon #asks:3tan #3tan9 #all the forfeit reviews and commentary have me crying in the club #like damn y'all didn't hold back and i love it #lovely people #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#long post

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pixicunt · 1 year

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I like your series of unfortunate events. 've been re-reading it from time to time. If you can and want to, maybe you can continue it. But I guess my favorite of yours is sweet things. I'm not sure whether to call it a kink cuz it's pretty random. Though most of the time, I do like reading noncon, which yours contain a lot. Sometimes incest, sometimes yandere breeding, sometimes public stuff (humiliation or exhibitionism or free use or glory hole), and many more. Welp, I'm pretty wild on noncon concept I guess. As long as the writing style is to my taste, I'll read anything (except scat and furry; but not hybrid). Oh and the reader is the sub, Idk why I can't enjoy dom reader. I'm good with strong and tough reader, but not as a dom in ***. I'm not sure if you read mxm, but there's this one fic on ao3 that I actually really like the concept even if it's really... heavy psychological thriller to the point it can be disturbing to others. I read it to the point I can't read any further (probably chp 2) cuz it just really broke me seeing jk as the doll. I kept imagining jk as the reader, but it doesn't work

Sorry for the rambling

hi baby, let me break this down as i read it... i have completed series of unfortunate events im just fixing any spelling mistake and rewording some things and i will post it soon.

non-con and CNC is a valid kink, we are allowed to like it and idgaf if people get mad about it, let me write my kinks. you dont need sexual trauma to write it or want it but lets get this across that its a very fictional, its fake, my stories are not REAL. this includes incest, rape, free use , manipulation, violence, blood, gore and so much more under the dead dove do not eat list.

i do real ALOT of mxm, i like and read every dynamic and ship and concept, mxm have alot more concepts i like cause i cant stand stand some bts x reader soft mellow shit. ok but ill read soft shit if its with ot7... bts x bts. i also like dom reader, i want to peg seokjin and yoongi and jk and every member every second of every day, let me fuck them untill they cry.

i LOVE disturbing, message me the link of the fic and ill read it, jk would make such a pretty doll im sure i have already read all bts doll fics

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chasingfictions · 2 years

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(Sorry I'm bad at tumblr so I'm unsure of whether it was an ask game but) Number 20 for the meta writer's questions?

yeah it's an ask game ur all good <3!

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

oooooh i love this question like i remember seeing it when i rbed it and being like oh i hope someone asks that . but now sitting in front of it i have suddenly forgotten all the thought process that has ever gone into any of my fics , as u do. so pls hold one second while i scroll my own ao3.

... ok hi im back!!!!! one thread i particularly love about my s6-s7 spuffy interlude fic / seeing red fix-it is that it's also an homage to sunnydale + buffy's relationship with sunnydale.

like, this fic started out initially as two fic ideas that i combined -- the fix-it itself (i.e. what happens in a world where the AR doesn't happen and tara lives) which as always meant to be a longfic, and then more of a drabble vignette-y idea i had about exploring how buffy feels about spending summers in sunnydale -- like, half of the show, she is either dead or in LA during the summer, so i always imagined that when she is in town for the summer, it just feels especially weird . and also given (though obviously she doesn't know it yet) that the summer of '02 is the last one she ever spends in sunnydale, i really wanted to take space to explore her emotions about the town.

like- the recurring threads in both her and spike's povs of ....

He gets a brief respite from thinking about how fucking spectacularly sickening he’s become, when he’s working out how to sneak into the cargo hold of this passenger plane. But then that’s over and was shockingly easy to do—good old Sunnydale incompetence."

Summers always feel weird. Even weirder, spending them in Sunnydale.

"I guess the feds are too afraid to come to Sunnydale? Which, hey, what’s the point of being a hellscape if you’re not also a lawless hellscape?"

Thing is, okay. She and Spike fucked all over this cemetery—all over most of Sunnydale’s cemeteries, honestly, but especially Restfield. But she’s got years of violence and bloodshed in every corner of this place that for can sure outweigh the him of it all."

... readmoreing for continued quotes bc there are too many bc i got out of hand .....

And one time she did throw Spike up against the wall of it and make him come so hard he couldn’t talk, because apparently no corner of this place is safe. But it’s also the mausoleum where she kicked that one vamp cult into a bloody pulp and beat one of them over the head with his own ceremonial chalice. So, you know, perspective!

“I just don’t get kids. Like, I know the town doesn’t officially know about vampires, or anything, but also yes they do? They should at least know enough to know that roaming around outside at night is a one way ticket to letting your carotid artery get slurped down like a Capri Sun.” [...] “Honestly,” Buffy says, “They should know better. Any self-respecting Hellmouther should be smoking weed in someone’s Mom’s basement if they wanna get high. You know, do it where it’s safe."

It used to freak her out, when she first moved here, how the cemeteries aren’t even on the outskirts of town or anything, but just embedded in it. Like, a strip mall with a nail salon and a frozen yogurt shop and a dry cleaners, and then a little city of skeletons. And then a block of houses, bright warm people scurrying around their busy lives. And then, a few paces on, another bunch of dead people, scurrying around in their busy unlives. Now, honestly, it would feel weird to live anywhere else.

“Tells you a lot about a place, how they care for their dead.” // “I mean, I think it tells you Sunnydale’s more invested in taking care of us after we bite it than keeping us breathing in the first place?

The girl working the register must be a local, because she barely even blinks at Clem as they load their stuff onto the counter."

Some of the other passengers give him a weird look, but not for long. Good ol’ Sunnydale. Never sodding changes, does it?

They’re literally only like, five minutes down the street before they apparently are too close to the nearest cemetery and Buffy has to make with the staking. And still, vamp gets uncomfily close to Willow’s neck before Buffy can dust her. // Willow settles herself. “How’s that for a welcome home?” // “Same old Sunnydale.”

They’re not walking anymore. Just standing, Willow leaned against the fence of the park, Buffy staring into the dark trees—where she and Mom found those dead kids. Where she saw Angel once, talking to Drusilla, a million years ago. Where she caught Dawn, smooching it up with that teenybopper vamp. // Where her and Willow in 11th grade spent a whole evening holed up in the low mouth of a slide, stealing sips of rum from the water bottle Buffy filled in the kitchen while Mom was at work. Finding shapes in the low dusking clouds. Willow said they all looked like farm animals. Buffy thought they all looked like teeth. // It’s just dark in there now. Can’t hardly make anything out. // Stupid fucking town. Stupid too many memories leaping out of everything and when will it ever stop? When can she just have a clean goddamn slate, somewhere?

“It was alright. Doesn’t matter, what’s going on? Beasties afoot, that the deal?” // Willow shakes her head. “Beastie-less! I mean, it’s Sunnydale, so, definitely beastie-ful actually. But none who are actively being a nuisance right now.”

....in the grand tradition of Sunnydale cemeteries basically being a free-for-all of ritual items and haunted chalices and cursed graves and whatever other shit is apparently relevant that week...

In this very graveyard, he did, didn’t he? Right there, when he first came to Sunnydale, half down that path with the crooked gravestone shaped like a book.

“Good. Go home. Right now. And, when you get there, maybe scan the paper for any news about neck rupture or wild animal attacks? There’s always a few. And then like, take a second, think about the kind of town you’ve chosen to live in, okay?.

We were walking and there was this guy, this human guy, just in the cemetery.” // Willow’s face goes all baffled. “In a cemetery in Sunnydale? At night? Alone? Does he have a death wish?” // “Okay right? That’s what I said!” Buffy says.

like. buffy loves her town!!! buffy hates her town!!!! buffy has memories baked into every single part of her town!!!!! sunnydale as this palimpsest !!! buffy now at incipient adulthood in the same town where she was an adolescent, and the town's the same, but she isn't . and at the same time the town's not the same, because she isn't!!! a place she once just felt ambivalent to negative about, and it's the exact same shape as it was when she came in (i mean, plus the international airport and the two college campuses and etc etc in what was originally a very tiny town blah blah blah we've all heard this before) .... except now she loves that shape. the town is almost a member of her family, with her frustration with everything abt it and also her deep fondness for those same mannerisms that frustrate.

a lot of that is also present in stanley the restfield groundskeeper? who is one of my favorite ocs. he's like a blorbo to me.

She waves hello to Stanley, the groundskeeper, who knows her and has seen her do some pretty astounding acts of violence and sometimes helps her get into locked crypts for demon shenanigans. // “Hiya, Buffy! Business or pleasure?” // Buffy shrugs. “Both? You know me, I just can’t stay away. That hedge is looking great, by the way!” // Stanley smiles. “It’s all in the wrist, and hey, did you see I finally got around to sorting out that lichen?”

“Better vantage,” Buffy tells her as she lands, and creeps over to the ledge to look. // From back by the hedges, Stanley calls out: “Buffy? Everything alright?” // “Oh, y’know, the usual!” she calls back, and he nods and goes back to working.

And none of the hedges are too overgrown, because Stanley really does love this place...

And it feels a little bit like getting caught making out in the living room by her dad, if her dad was the cemetery groundskeeper who she’s been making small talk with since age 16.

When he’s gone, she turns back to Spike, replaces the hands at his waist she quickly removed when Stanley showed up. // “Um,” she says. “You know Stanley?” // “‘Course, he’s the groundskeeper. Everybody knows Stanley.”

“So was Stanley,” Spike says. // “Aw, I love Stanley!” Willow says // Buffy gives her a look. “You know Stanley?” // “Yeah, everybody knows Stanley,” Willow says. “He helped me get these lemons down I needed once, that had to be growing from a tree planted at the grave of an unbaptized widower, for a spell? Nicest guy.”

like i just loved the idea of having this guy who's part of the fabric of this place and who loves this town as much as and in the same way buffy does , and who is like, the ultimate Local . someone else walks into the cemetery and is like um? there's a random girl on the roof of that mausoleum with an axe? and stanley's like oh that's just buffy, she's monster hunting. dont worry it's fine :) she's a nice young lady :) like!!! buffy as part of the fabric of this town!!!!!!!!!! idk i have lots of feelings about hometowns.

anyway this got really out of hand bye!! idk if this was even the point of the question bc this is more just highlighting a theme than anything but!!!! i guess it does count bc it's really about relationship development, just a relationship with a town n not a person .

#ask

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a-hundred-jewels · 2 years

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puppet history s5 theories

FROM S3E6

<> Okay, so what’s the deal with Dorothy Ruth, the Molasses Horse’s wife? She died in the molasses flood along with her husband and, if we saw her on the show, was definitely also one of the Professor’s “abominable puppet creations messing with the fabric of time.” So why wasn’t she also in Puppet Purgatory? This could be explained in several ways. Maybe she wasn’t actually real? What if she was a figmant of imagination created by the genie (yknow, Hot Daga, Maizy-the-Corn style) meant to lure the Molasses horse into death? (I hope my wife died too / so I can see her soon / and kiss her spooky horse ghost lips. / And stare into her gorgous, fucked up, oblong horsey pupils / as we drift into the vast abyss. / I guess I’m ready to go / into the great unknown. / It’s been a lovely horsey life.) This might also explain why the Molasses Horse has become minorly insane, starring in an unhinged cooking show where he cooks with molasses, which he mentioned disliking in his S3 Finale song. (My brother has a kidney stone / I sure hope that it passes. / Unrelated, but one thing / I don’t like is molasses.)

FROM S4E1

<> Ok, obviously we NEED to talk about the end-credits scene. I, being the one of most gullible and easily confused people I’ve met (but don’t worry, I have my strengths), genuinely thought at first that people HAD been complaining about the lore and the Shane really WAS promising to scale it back. I figured it out after the glitch at the end though lol. So this bullet point is just about why the glitch happened. Was that a predecessor to the glitches that would happen in the Puppet Pop-Ins (side note, but I love them just…adding those. No explanation. King shit) as the season went on. Was it to symbolize the genie slowly taking control? I could also be that, although he always loses, Ryan is an integral part of Puppet History and, after he made a deal with the devil, and, subsequently, Asmodeus and the genie, Puppet History itself started to kind of…melt? Like there’s no doubt that Ryan’s (SCRIPTED! CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH) betrayal of the Professor was what allowed the Professor’s death to happen, but with the glitches and those purple glows and shit, we really were shown the genie’s slow gaining of control over the season.

<> (i was going to add more to this section but yknow what im tired)

FROM THE 2021 HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR

<> During the funeral, a hologram (or maybe a ghost???) of the Professor appeared and, among other sentiments, told the puppets in a creepy, slow voice, “don’t forget to say your prayers.” First of all, what the fuck was that? It’s never actually cleared up how the Professor appeared or what that meant. Was it a ghost? It looked like a hologram, what with the flickering, but that still doesn’t explain why it was there. Also, the Professor never seemed particularly religious. He engaged with the supernatural, and certainly knew of God, the devil, and Hell, but he never interacted with any of those things in a religious manner. So, why would he tell the puppets to say their prayers? Perhaps the Professor’s appearance was some manipulation of God, who might somehow benefit from prayers. Maybe, since the appearance of the Professor directly led to the discussion of souls and whether or not puppets have them, ergo leading to God’s appearance, the hologram was just a way for God to yeet their way into the episode. This (in my opinion) is still one of the most bizarre parts of the Spectacular and I can’t think of a proper reason for it. Tbh, an explanation for the Professor hologram is 100% exclusively what I want for xmas.

<> Why it's constantly mentioned that the professor's death is “canonical?” Are we leaving canon? Is this multiverse shit? If anyone’s familiar with <a href=”https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staged”>Staged</a> Season 2, they’ll know that, rather than continuing on in a linear story, the second season is about the aftermath of the first season, which is real television in the context of S2 (as in, S2 starts off with a (fake–but real in the context of the show) interview with David Tennant and Michael Sheen about the success of “Staged”). Perhaps PH S5 is going to take a similar approach, somehow? Like was said in the funeral song, “the lore got deep.” Maybe S5 will be actually truly lore-less and will start with something like Shane saying in a meeting that he’s making a bigger puppet and that’s why he killed off the Professor. Maybe the promo material, has just been the origin story of this new Professor. (Unlikely, because I think Watcher knows many of their fans would be unhappy about this, even though it would explain the “canonical” death thing).

<> Why do the puppets have FOOTAGE of the professor's death? Usually, there's only footage of things that the Professor describes as having happened in history, things that are canonically made by Watcher editors. The Professor’s death doesn’t quite fit that category. After all, Death vaguely remembering “processing the death of a little blue nerd with a satchel” doesn't seem like enough for actual footage. (This could be due to the Purgatory thing. However, that wouldn’t explain the footage at the end of S4E6, which we know exists in canon bc the same footage was shown at the Professor’s funeral).

<> Death says he remembers processing "a little blue nerd with a satchel," during the interview with Book in the Holiday Spectacular. But, when the Professor’s death by T-Rex is shown at the end of S4E6, his satchel is seen falling somewhere else, NOT into the dinosaur’s mouth along with the Professor. Would he somehow get it later when his death was being processed or does Death have it wrong somehow? After all, the Molasses Horse is still shown covered in molasses every time we’ve seen him after his death. If he looks the same as he did when he died, shouldn’t the Professor’s body also follow that rule? (i.e. shouldn’t he NOT have his satchel?)

<> During the funeral song, there’s an oddly specific note about the Beef Boy (aka Ryan Bergara) maybe “saving the day, somehow. But probably not.” Most PH fans can agree that’s a direct implication that Ryan will be involved in the Professor’s return. What if he goes in the opposite direction from his previous alliance, and makes a deal with God?

<> The fact that Ryan's bit of the memorial video is filmed in front of the <a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waGXWSfKP2c”>Ghost Files</a> set, which they described as having a holding place for ghosts, might indicate that there’s going to be something to do with the Professor’s ghost–maybe even a crossover between PH and Ghost Files. After all, GF was even mentioned in the funeral song, and we’ve seen that there’s a taped outline of the Professor’s body on the floor of the GF set. (May be unlikely–PH S5 promo seems to be leaning towards a “rebirth” sort of thing, rather than ghosts).

FROM S5 PROMO STUFF

<> Is the Professor being born into a new, massive body? In one episode of S4, the Professor made a comment about “hopefully being a little bigger” if he was reborn. In the end credits of the S4 finale, the Professor was swallowed by a T-Rex, known as one of the biggest carnivorous dinosaurs. Then, in the end credits of the Holiday Spectacular, we saw the Professor in a womb, presumably the womb of a T-Rex, which can be scientifically described as “fucking massive.” Finally, the S5 promo showed the Professor being born from an egg (probably a T-Rex egg). If the Professor is being born from a regular-sized T-Rex egg, then he’d be gigantic. Is that the evolution that’s occurring? In that case, how would the Professor go from being eaten, to being in a womb? Scientifically, that doesn’t seem quite right. (But let’s trust the creator of <a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYruGMXA5w8”>Extreme Science</a> to have thought that out).

<> While it might just be a sort-of tease, with Watcher saying “not sure about who’s going to host it, though” about PH S5, there’s a chance it could mean a literal change in host. WTF would that mean?????

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT

<> Okay, first off I’ve seen some people on the internet speculating about the returning of PH being sort of a bashing of Ryan, and I personally don’t really like that. I don’t think it’s fair to either Real-Person-Ryan or, for that matter, PH-Character-Ryan (because, at the end of the day, this show IS fictional and, in the context of PH, Ryan Bergara is a character) for a number of reasons. Most obviously, Person Ryan is worth more than that, both as a member of Watcher Entertainment and as, like, a human. He might be a character in the show, as said previously, but it would be foolish not to acknowlage that the line is thinner than in most cases with Puppet History. But also, Character Ryan is more complicated and interesting than just his involvement in the Professor’s death, and his development over the show (specifically in the episodes–again, talking about Ryan-as-a-character right now) deserves more than an endpoint of just being sad and remorseful over the Professor’s death. And honestly I think that if that’s what you’re hoping for in S5, or you’re one of the people who doesn’t like to separate Character Ryan’s scripted actions in PH from him as a person, you really need to rethink your priorities.

<> With that out of the way, WHAT IF RYAN HOSTS THE FIRST EPISODE? (Look, bare with me, I’m on an airplane while making these notes, I’m going feral). Seriously, though, it would certainly be one of the more plausible explanations of how S5 would start. What if (Character!!!) Ryan decided he was sick of being held responsible for the end of PH and so starts up a new season himself, either hosting it as his human self, or making his own puppet to take over. Maybe then, the Professor (if it is, in fact, him who we saw getting birthed out that egg) will be so mad about PH going on without him that he’ll somehow harness his powers (if he still has them?? Srsly. Feral.) and yeet back into the present to take over.

<> What if Shane comes in as a character? What if Character Shane is revealed to be the human(?) version of the Professor who was eating jellybeans to stay a puppet. After all, it has already been (somewhat jokingly) suspected that the Professor was once human and that he’d been turned via jelly beans (as we saw happen with Garrick Bernard during the show). Perhaps this could also be combined with the Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernaturnal theories that Shane is an immortal demon, and have the Professor be an immortal demon (which would explain why he got reborn after being eaten by a dinosaur). In that case, the timeline could look something like this (or somethng wildly different–again, airplane + I’m sleep deprived): Shane is born. Shane starts eating jelly beans to be a puppet, which also turns him into a demon. The Professor is killed and sent back to the Cretacious Period, which accidently wakes up his human self (Shane). But, since the Professor was immortal, his death by T-Rex isn’t permanent and he gets rebirthed and lives until the present day (potentially starting a loop maybe??). Oops! Now there are two of them. So yeah. Editing me, please make sense of these unhinged ramblings. (mmmmm nah, don’t feel like it)

#puppet history #the professor

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tsui-no-sora · 2 years

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you don't understand i want to draw that design so badly, i've really gotten into drawing cdream in cute tank tops recently anyway (please don't judge me) and that shawl/cardigan thing is just Vibes. the first shot of him shooting george through the heart really set the scene perfectly, i don't think any animatic ever gave me the immediate impression of 'fuck. this guy's dangerous'. it's so cool

this fandom is so insanely talented, it's not even funny anymore.

i mean it's clearly one of the few things we agree on that cdream is the 5head chess power gamer but punz is the one with the singular brain cell in their relationship. dream is literally this meme but his string board spans over the entire inside of the prison.

i actually don't have too many strong feelings on fiances, but i feel like them getting a wedding is going to be the canter of whether the finale ends on a more hopeful note or just incredibly bleakly. i just don't feel like it's going to happen because they would have to resolve both karls memory issue And the sapnap+dream+quackity mess in one stream, maybe if we get a 2 hour feature film monster, because i don't even know how to touch karl lore and while sapnap is willing to kill dream i can't imagine he's not going to hate quackity for torturing his brother

/srs mode for a second but im actually not a big fan of the whole 'actually dream tortured tommy and quackity abused dream' rethoric like i respect either side using the terms but i think it paints not worse but really different pictures of what actually happened in exile or prison. but then again also the implication that cwilbur would have planned to marry cdream had inconsolable not happened. i mean Maybe :)

"I don't exactly want c!Dream to be the reason it all falls apart tho it would be cool I want it to be all from mistakes c!Quackity has made" finn. and i really don't mean to obtrude. but i'd consider cdream to be like. the biggest mistake quackity ever made. that's why i believe foolish might play a larger part too because of the whole red banquet but also because of the conversation dream had with him.

i am crying begging pleading for csam content because he basically got turned into cdreams. little bread boy. which is objectively hillarious, i want a cquackity live reaction to their new dynamic, honestly i feel like he's just realize that he's losing even the last members of his country (because even fundy mentioned that he resigned)

okay but i'd like assume that ccdream is informed about what quackity wants to do in his lore stream, and the role he is going to play in it which is 100% going to be connected to him getting revenge on him. and given how rarely cdream comes on nowadays i think it's fair to say to assign greater relevance to whatever tidbits we get (im also just really hoping for the narrative of 'every single member of lnv that quackity recruited leaves because of his mistakes' narrative. just because. Compelling)

ccquackity absolute madman i respect him so much. all i know for sure is that lore is going to blow me the fuck away

How could I ever judge you for drawing c!Dream on tank tops do you see the stuff I reblog I dig that for real everybody so talented in every corner over here

C!Dream might be able to guess every single play in a battle but c!Punz is the only one between them that understands that if you don't sleep for five days you get tired and that maybe if you live off of potatoes and isolation for a year that's not so good for you what a power couple they are

I know the animation was really serious but I really thought that scene with c!Dream surrounded by the papers was just a reference to this meme being honest

Okay I'm very aware that the possibilities of a wedding are six feet under by this point in life but a girl can dream a girl is allowed to hope I do believe if cc!Sapnap and cc!Karl really wanted to tho they could pull it off on the monster movies that are the c!Quackity lore but well tbh knowing now that the reason the c!Tommy's weekly lore streams fell apart after the jailbreak was cc!Sapnap never showing up I don't know how much I trust that ever happening

I don't even really know how much c!Sapnap actually cares about what c!Quackity has done to c!Dream because during the stream I could chalk it up to well he either thinks c!Dream just lied about it or he can't really stop to think about it while directly fighting him but afterwards in his other lore stream he didn't even mention it i still believe fully that c!Sapnap really cares about c!Dream I just idk maybe he is just completely convinced that c!Quackity just wouldn't do that so he doesn't even think about it I think tho that if he were totally forced to deal with it would really cause a drift between the two of them tho

C!Sapnap is complicated to me but I do care him a lot

Oh I would never say c!Dream didn't both torture and abuse c!Tommy and I also think that both c!Sam and c!Quackity abused and tortured c!Dream And I think that's just by definition of both words and I am not going to get deeper about that because now that there are some people reading my posts I just automatically think I'm gonna get stones thrown at me whenever I mention c!DiskDuo (And to think basically everything I ever used to speak about was c!Tommy and c!Dream)

Inconsolable happened and it fueled my c!Dreambur demons but it also killed them almost immediately like how many times had c!Wilbur imagined an scenario like that for it to come to by so automatically and rapidly and he did say something along the lines of "He never told me about that..." When c!Tommy was explaining Exile like did you guys talk before pray do tell 👀👀👀👀Inconsolable was such a good stream when he entered the prison that was so cool

I want c!Dream to go hey Sam go fetch me some food like last time in front of c!Quackity Like how scary do you think that would be c!Sam who c!Quackity knows utterly despises c!Dream c!Sam who c!Quackity knows was letting him torture c!Dream to the point of him choosing suicide c!Sam who said If you are gonna do it you better do it right the one who came in to clean up the mess right before he left now being all subdued by the big terrible evil of the Pandora's Vault the guards literally felt like they owned c!Dream and look at how they are treating them now

I think his mind would immediately go to what the hell did c!Dream do to make this and how much would you bet he's willing to do it to him too

I just think how scared both c!Quackity and c!Sam are of c!Dream's ire and vengance should be spoken about more the paranoia of it all it calls to me

Okay what I meant exactly with I don't want it to be c!Dream's doing specifically is that I want it to fall apart because of c!Quackity's treatment of the rest of the Las Nevadas Crew too like yes exactly I want him to realize everybody is leaving his country because of the way he treated them about joining

That c!Purpled did what he did exactly because c!Quackity got rid of his home before telling him to move to Las Nevadas that c!Foolish really doesn't respect him doing what he's done with his position of authority that c!Fundy felt so detached and forced to be there that he just figured out that he could Stand up and leave and actually he preferred doing that that c!Sam is now just living in perpetual fear of c!Dream and not caring one bit what happens to Las Nevadas I really ought to doubt he cares very personally about c!Quackity himself by this point either their relationship has become so tainted and nebulous during their time in the prison after all

Of course I want c!Dream to be there and do something he's his greatest mistake after all but I want it to also fall apart simply because all it's citizens don't really care about it never really have so that's what I mean with I don't want c!Dream to be the one person who makes it all fall apart I want it to be a group proyect :3

I would like to hope so as well but I never really bet on it I would like a lot for c!Foolish to be involved big time on it too I feel like he needs more time to shine I would love it and consistency with c!Dream is what I love the most

Yeah same he makes me so proud he's one of the LATAM people that actually made it out that's my cousin!!! And he does such an amazing job at everything he makes I just adore it and respect it so much

#beloved's asks #ghost tag #have missed answering this long long letters #also i did reply to my ask that you answered but i think it didn't show

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