#lesbian snails!! oh my goodness
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mlw relationships are killing some women's souls, and we need to change that
gosh, let me preface this by saying I love men. men are absolutely the cutest, when they're good to the people i love. I love men when they talk about their obscure, weird interests or they talk about their mainstream interests like baseball. I love the light in their eyes when they get excited, and that cute little hand thing they do.
genuinely, i adore men. but one man in particular has earned my ire.
i was talking to my het sister today, about love and relationships. she's been in a long term relationship for almost four years now, and she's going to get out of it soon. me, being an inexperienced (probably lesbian) kid, I ask her about men, and what it's like to be loved by one. she tells me, "oh you know, men are great, except from when you want to be loved for who you are." And she just...laughs. I don't think she even notices my heart is quite literally breaking. This is the world we're in, guys. My older sister, who drew on walls and planned her wedding before the age of ten, who knows all the words to the scooby doo theme song and eats chocolate cake with her bare hands...does not know what it's like to be loved for who she is.
I didn't understand at first.
Because lesbians, and bi women, and just women/queer people loving women in general love so desperately. we love our partners not for how they look, but for who they are. and yes, maybe im speaking from a naive place, but that doesn't change the fact that women/enbies don't view each other like men do. not to romanticise wlw relationships so terribly, but it's just so different with us. My sister tells me about the times her boyfriend, Danny, has forgotten her birthday, Dannys cheating on her, or throwing her against a wall on their anniversary - with all the caustic numbness of a trampled upon snail. She has not been loved by any of the men she has dared love.
Obviously, mlw relationships cannot be exactly like wlw relationships. But it just, hurts. It hurts that my sister, who is genuinely one of the most dynamic people i know, who is the aphrodite of small town casinos and cheap gin, who is always holding the bullet instead of biting it - is not being loved for who she is. She knows that she is being loved for being a warm body, not for the warmth her body can hold.
He, as far as I can see, was a good person. He showed up to family events with flowers for our mom and a toy for the baby...but it just goes to show you how different things can be behind closed doors. She told me, "his passive aggressive comments always stuck with me. i even started worrying about my weight!" which, if you know my sister, should be absolutely absurd. She literally looks like a model (don't tell her I said that or her head'll get so big we'd have to keep her chained to the floor). She is one of the prettiest women ever, regardless of her weight. She told me that at one point she was almost ready to starve herself. Meanwhile, this pathetic apology of biochemical reactions has had the nerve to cheat on her, laugh at her, make rude comments and still show up to every family event with a bouquet in hand.
And it's changed her.
it's not fair. So, Danny, if you're reading this by chance you sad sack of mutilated deer dick - fuck you. Fuck you for taking my passionate-about-life, kind to the druggies outside our shitty school, full of life sister - and making her someone who tiptoes around you. Someone who's given up on being herself because you've changed her.
The worst part is that it's not even an isolated event. This happens to women all over the world. So many sparks have been lost to careless hands.
To men everywhere : don't date women you don't actually love. Don't search for someone else in the girl you're dating. Don't treat her wrong, and start actively figuring out what hurts you instead of expecting her to do the emotional labour allllll the time.
And do not ever make your girl feel bad about herself. I'll be watching, and I have a bat and an angry horde of bisexual at my side.
#wlw post#wlw love#mlw#masculine#femininity#scooby doo#wedding planner#activism#feminism#fuck the patriarchy#misandry#sexism#liberal feminism#womens rights#terfs DNI#fuck transphobes#transphobes#love#lovers#relationship#longing#i love you#love quotes#self love#i love him#feeling#anger#angerme#anger issues#angercore
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sudden flashback to when i basically read nothing BUT maria-sama ga miteru fanfic, which was just wild because
there's the fic where resident mc and good girl Yumi is a vampire, suddenly, but the big reveal is that her anemic noble blooded fainting-goat gf has started working out and eating healthy just so she can supply Yumi with blood hopefully at some point
that fic where Yumi is gracefully dying from Mysterious Romantic Illness and lives long enough for every character to cry about it
maria-sama's statue has come to life and is on a lesbian murder spree (comedy) (hilarious) Yumi gets a cool "when her hair comes down" scene which everyone stops to notice. also, the buddha is here too
hyper detail historical fantasy during which at one point Yumi runs right through the middle of a dramatic scene and exists stage left pursed by mountain lion (her wake makes an evil moon bounce comically like a beach ball)
an examination of the Sei and Yumi doing it in various places and the emotional result of Yumi trying to figure out if this is a normal amount of intimacy while her bff Yoshino screeches like a cat over the telephone
Noriko goes to America and comes back and is still gay for Shimako (shock)
WHO WILL YUMI CHOOSE? TOUKO OR SACHIKO?? (romantic)
WHO WILL YUMI CHOOSE? TOUKO OR KANAKO (also probably romantic)
let us observe the political collapse of the local all-powerful semi-hereditary-via-lesbianism student council
ten thousand fics of yumi and sachiko angsting and or being in love
five thousand fics of sei and youko doing the same
two thousand fics of sei and shimako also doing the above
rei and yoshino: should cousins be kissing? ah it's too late
something happens in this fic and yoshino is angry in the background about it
normal lesbian noriko is stuck in super religious shojo-ai land and trying to be respectful and patient about it (save her)
so technically yumi's with someone else romantically in this fic but her and sei will always have this weird energy no one else can match and that's valid
sachiko is perfect
literally everyone who isn't yumi calls sachiko an idiot (sachiko included)
oh no sachiko married her gay cousin instead of her gay girlfriend let's drama
snails would move faster than these lesbians (enjoyable)
fifteen pages of internal angst (also enjoyable)
Touko's love interest is in love with her adopted cousin and Noriko's is literally joining a nunnery FIGHT
WHERE IS TSUTAKO? MY BELOVED LESBIAN ENABLING SIDE CHARACTER! WHERE IS SHE?!?!?
anyway i need to see if i can still find the official 'don't tell maria-sama' bloopers on youtube. those were amazing
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new lost character ranking <3
jack... he's just my special guy... what can i say! i love him! he's just good and complicated and a hater but kind... remember do no harm. i'll be a jack girl forever and ever i fear!
shannon :( my girl... my lovely girl... you do nottt understand i LOVED shannon she's exactly the kind of bitch i always go crazy for in tv shows she was such a cunt but like with hidden depths. oh my god she never got to see mean girls. shannon you would have loved regina george you would have loved mean girls you would have loved grey's anatomy you would have loved taylor swift you would have loved friday night lights you would have loved six the musical and seeing it on broadway when you would have lived in new york... you would have loved sharpay high school musical... and her fabulous adventure...
kate, a classic, she will literally ALWAYS be near the top we love kate and we love straight people we love her tank tops and bootcut jeans and low ponytails <3
sayid my bestieeee... let's not get into these last few episodes with sayid 😐. but he's the bestie!
eko. what if there was a guy who was strong and brave and stoic and so so so kind and caring... he brought all the dead bodies from the crash out of the water so they could bury them... he carried sawyer all the way back to jack to save his life knowing sawyer would never do the same for him... when ana lucia was like if it were you he wouldn't save you! and eko was like i'm not doing it for him... that tiktok comment about how snails can't feel pain and the reply was like what about my pain... he couldn't leave sawyer to die not because he cared about sawyer but because he just cares period... wowie... i like this guy a lot if you couldn't tell
hurley, some may say this is too high a spot for hurley of all people. well EYE really like hurley and i really liked his episode this season and i think he's nice and funny and brings good vibes... as rose said, he's the only person on this island that everybody loves....
sun <3 they have not been giving her much this season fr!!!! but i love her anyway <3
bernard and rose getting ranked together because they're sooooooo everything <3 true love wins!!! they found each other...
claire my girl who does not do very much but she's literally my friend belle! and she's the only character who can have scenes with locke where he's tolerable...
ana lucia. i kinda love it when women like. really suck. you might think YOU'RE a supporter of women who suck but many of you couldn't even handle zelena mills. i'm in the big leagues of loving women who are just the fucking worst. so i suppose it was only natural that i'd end up an ana lucia apologist in the end <3
michael. he's been serving kinda nonstop lately. they were like yeah hey we need a guy just some guy. and what if we got that guy who played mercutio in baz luhrman's romeo + juliet... ok!
libby. kinda a lesbian queen idk. just saying things. i was picking up vibes... she hasn't been given much to do but i've liked her a lot
jin. i actually like jin a lot now i feel like the original plan in the beginning was to portray him as less likable and forgiving because it looked like sun and michael was almost gonna be a thing but they clearly backtracked that like halfway through season 1 and it's much better this way i think
sawyer. he's never climbing this list very far i fear... as much as it slays when he's just absolutely miserable and pathetic and he has an infected bullet wound and he's had the worst several days of his life and nearly died. and as much as we love the horrible man polycule. he's still sawyer... i mean. he's sawyer.
locke. an enemy of jack's is literally an enemy of mine... he hasn't actually done anything in a few episodes but i'm just always kinda mad at him
charlie. he has simply been pissing me the fuck off lately. idk
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Okay so I've put my Inheritance Cycle re-read on pause for a bit because I 1. Had to finish American Gods so I could give my friend his copy back, and 2. Decided to finally tackle To Sleep In A Sea Of Stars because Paolini is touring for Fractal Noise right now, and one of the places he's stopping is in a city only about an hour away from where I live!! So obviously I have to go do that.
But holy shit y'all, this book is good. If you are a fan of Eragon and you have any interest in sci-fi at all, highly recommend. It's very dense sci-fi (which is why I struggled to read it when I first bought it) of the variety that just throws a bunch of new concepts and terms at you until you have enough context to understand them, but if you can wade through that, the story and characters are so good.
We've got Kira, the main lady, who is Going Through It right now. We've got Falconi, crafty ship captain who's really into gardening. We've got Trig, an absolute lad. We've got Sparrow and Hwa-jung, muscle-bound space lesbians. We've got Nielsen, compassionate hard-ass, who I may or may not be imaging as Rhea Seehorn, even though her description doesn't line up. We've got Vishal, overly formal doctor after my own heart. We've got Gregorovich, the eccentric and definitely slightly crazy ship-mind. They have a cat and a pig on the ship, and god damn it if they aren't part of the family. They crew a ship called the Wallfish, an old British slang word for snail. They got in trouble with the space government for illegally selling a planet 777,776 newts and destroying the ecosystem. I'm love them.
Oh also Angela is just there. Like straight up she's just there.
#I might start posting about this as I go#after I finish I'll go back to Brisingr#ashna reads tsiasos#to sleep in a sea of stars#tsiasos#kira navárez
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The Empress Ep.2 and 3
I...don't feel bad for Sophie, LOL
Why are the side characters dressed so well while the main one is in clothes that worsen her look? Like, I get she's supposed to be rebellious but she can be rebellious and look good in the process!!
Aww, a monkey!
OK, i'm liking this dress better.
His smile...
Helene went full Karen, it seems.
Oooh, Sophie saw someone in Sissi.
Max is still an ass. I'm glad she's calling him out. And for the record, he's not more handsome than Franz.
Yikes, what is with Strauss' hair? Does he not own a brush???
Sneaking away to makeout? I love to see it.
Wow, they don't wear underwear? The snail trail tho.
That medical exam thing was so uncomfortable. I'm glad she kicked him. Poor girl. :(
And she's back to the ugly costumes...
Wow, Sissi's mom is outright unhinged. Pushing the waiter like that and she achieved nothing.
Sissi is totally right about those two men looking under her dress.
Ugh, are they actually doing this? Franz is this Prince of Vasa's son and therefore illegitimate? 🙄🙄🙄
Oh, so now Sophie is the woman in love? I kind of like it.
Aww, Sissi and Helene are friends again? Love to see it.
The ending of ep 2 was underwhelming do I'm combining the two.
I'm not...a fan of the wedding dress. It's not ugly by any means, but I wish they'd at least tried to make it more historically accurate.
Franz is serving tho.
Wow, they're really giving us 'The Crown' realness.
Is the court dancing to Beyonce? I'm pretty sure that's not what waltz looks like.
Ooh, the mistress is here to stir shit up.
I'm with you Franz, Max is a little bitch.
OH MY GOD, Sophie is getting it on at her son's wedding!! Get it girl!!!
...is she going to blow him??? For a moment there I thought they'd start role-playing LOL.
Her dad is such a degenerate. She's right. He acts like an asshole and calls it freedom.
OK, I the wedding really the place and the time for diplomatic conversations? I swear, he held like 3 important state talks instead of being with his bride and enjoying himself.
I'm getting lesbian vibes from Sophie's bestie.
Max looked like a lunatic and a little boy while he was sitting on the throne.
God, Sissi's family is awful. They all want something from her and when they don't get it, they're shit talking her. Shame on you, bastards!!!
The sex scene was hot.
#the empress 2022#the empress netflix#die kaiserin#this has been sitting in my drafts for a while#i thiught i'd post it on Sissi's birthday
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I posted 1,939 times in 2022
That's 1,939 more posts than 2021!
622 posts created (32%)
1,317 posts reblogged (68%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@emintoomanyfandoms
@azusashissoggynoodles
@thisisaname-whatahappyname
@theaceofarrows
@stormy-space-jellyfish
I tagged 903 of my posts in 2022
#the owl house - 300 posts
#toh - 262 posts
#cedar crap - 143 posts
#stranger things - 97 posts
#luz noceda - 68 posts
#amity blight - 61 posts
#amphibia - 59 posts
#byler - 57 posts
#lumity - 50 posts
#hunter wittebane - 48 posts
Longest Tag: 137 characters
#i've been meaning to say something for a while but i wanted to do it in the best way and in the tunnel of love i thought amity's too cool
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Fuck Disney.
That’s it that’s the post.
Very much fuck disney.
They canceled The Owl House.
They hardly advertised Amphibia and did nothing to stop the True Colors leaks.
They wouldn’t allow Alex Hirsch to put queer characters in Gravity Falls until the last episode, and even then it was speculative.
They wouldn’t let Daron Nefcy give queer characters speaking lines in SVTFOE unless it was their last appearance, and even then they were side characters - one of them had like three words as lines.
And still, they put The Owl House in their pride section, they put Amphibia in their pride section, they put Gravity Falls and SVTFOE in their “pride” section because acknowledging our existence is “being an ally”. Yes, it really is being a good ally when you don’t even put a non-binary character’s proper pronouns in the subtitles. It really is being a good ally when you don’t even know the ship name of the most progressive queer ship in the history of disney. It really is being a good ally when you put three colors in a heart and proclaim that “representation”.
It isn’t.
Fuck disney. Put that in your tags. Fuck disney.
1,862 notes - Posted June 13, 2022
#4
See the full post
2,645 notes - Posted November 26, 2022
#3
Nobody:
Anne: So this is my partner Marcy, and their girlfriend Sasha, who is my girlfriend. These are Marcy’s parents, and we don’t talk about Sasha’s parents. This is my mom Oum and my dad Bee. And this is my grandfather HopPop, who is in no relation to my parents. This is HopPop’s grandkids Polly and Sprig, who are my siblings. This is Sasha’s weird uncle/brother/dad Grime and Marcy’s moms Olivia and Yunan. This is my cat Domino, and my giant moth Domino Two, my giant family snail/car Bessie and her three snird babies..
Oh, and this is my colleague, God.
3,423 notes - Posted May 16, 2022
#2
I live for the holy trio of creators:
Alex Hirsch - icon, once threatened to kill the Chipmunks in a film called Waterchip Down, created the legendary Bill, voices the horror Hooty.
Dana Terrace - utter icon, openly pirates her own show, gave us a queer kiss (multiple) in a disney show, wrote lines into her show having a go at Disney, made it canon that Amphibia and The Owl House are in the same universe
Matt Braly - icon, plays the “I grow tulips” icon Chuck, made it canon that Amphibia and The Owl House are in the same universe on a different occasion to Dana doing it, killed three teenage girls.
6,019 notes - Posted May 28, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Steve Harrington who grows up thinking gay people are lesser.
Steve Harrington who often uses gay as an insult.
Steve Harrington who calls Jonathan Byers gay because Jonathan Byers embarrassed him.
Steve Harrington who falls for a lesbian.
Steve Harrington who realizes the awesome girl he had come to love was cooler than any straight girl he’d met.
Steve Harrington who starts to fix the way he sees things because of his best friend.
Steve Harrington who meets the school freak.
Steve Harrington who falls for a dead boy.
Steve Harrington who proudly watches his best friend flirt with her crush.
Steve Harrington who changes so much.
9,755 notes - Posted September 3, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
Okay adding to this that IT TOOK ME AGES TO REALIZE YOU TAG REBLOGS. AND SOMETIMES I STILL FORGET. SO THAT'S WHY SO MANY POSTS DON'T HAVE ANY TAGS.
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16 17 18 19
16) how many books have you read this year?
so much 8, which is pretty low for me at this time of year. last year at least point i had already ready over twenty books haha... i'm not any more busy than i was last year (in fact i am less busy than i was less year) but i've just been more depressed/having more trouble starting books.
THAT SAID i am reading less books but i will say i have been reading a lot more good books. last year i feel like a lot of the books i had were bad or lackluster. and while not every book i have read this year is good, most of them are!!!
17) top 5 children's books?
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
the chronicles of prydain series by lloyd alexander (i know this is 5 books but i'm counting it as one), ella enchanted by gail carson levine, and saffy's angel casson family by are pretty good. saffy's angel also has some sequels because it's a part of the casson family series, but i have mixed feelings on some of them so i'll just leave it at the first one. p.s. longer letter later & its sequel snail mail no more is also pretty good (epistolary novel my love). and OF COURSE. my ULTIMATE favorite children's novel.... anne of green gables by l.m. montgomery .... my childhood comfort book, one of my favorites... just a cute little autistic girl in late 19th century canada finding a family for the first time..........
also i know i already mentioned 5 novels but the giver quartet by lois lowry is pretty solid. well. the first two books in the quartet are, the third is all build up and no good pay-off and the finale is literally one of the worst novels i've ever read, but the first two are solid !!!!!
18) do you like historical books? which time period?
yeah sure i like historical books. i don't have any specific time period i like, i would read anything set in any time period and country as long as it's good. i'm kind of sick of victorian england, tho, but if a book was really good i would forgive it for it.
19) most disliked popular books.
oh god, where do i begin?
recently i read the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor reid and it was literally so disappointing. everybody kept saying how good it was but it really was not. it was so obvious that the author was white. while it was a page-turner, the plot was pretty bad and none of the characters felt real, they were all so badly written. i thought the main love interest was such a horrible, insecure, obnoxious person, but the narrator KEPT fucking tell me how good she was when she really was not. i also thought it played into a lot of stereotypes of bisexual and lesbian people, whether evelyn "refuted" it or not.
everybody who knows me knows how much i hated the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab when i read it. granted, i read it back in 11th grade, but it really made an impression on me. the plot/pacing was so, SO atrocious, wasting so much time on nonsense yet rushing the important bits. a waste of potential on all interesting concepts and characters (heck, the whole main plot concept of multiple londons was a wasted potential that never got to do anything) and the main protagonist lila was so so annoying. i don't usually the terms "mary sue" and "not like other girls" bc i feel like they're overused terms and there are more productive criticisms you can make, but "mary sue" and "not like other girls" is literally ALL lila is and she is so, SO, SOOOOOO fucking annoying and also so white!!! the "diversity" felt like the white author wanted to get points for being so woke or whatever. i think there are more books in this series now but i am still sick of it.
simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda by becky albertalli (the book love simon was based off of) was also really bad. the narrator is such a white asshole. i do understand and feel bad for his struggles as being closed and being forced out of the closet when he wasn't ready for it, but he is just so obnoxious white. he acts like nobody in the world can be more oppressed than him. and even when people go out of their way to support and help him, he still treats them like shit. he treated almost everybody in his life awfully, from his best friend leah to his sister. he is also causally biphobic at a point in the book. his best friend leah was also a fujoshi i believe - or at least, she said she really likes yaoi multiples times and that was really uncomfortable. the ending tries to make it like "wow we shouldn't assume everybody is white" when i'm like "idk i didn't assume everybody was white simon, that was all you, you're kind of assuming the whole audience is white" and it made him even more unlikable.
honorable mentions for bad popular books - the gilded wolves by roshani chokshi, the bone witch by rin chupeco, artistotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz
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This Is Where We're Supposed To Be
Apparently I wrote an 11K Delivvy fic. You're welcome. And also sorry in advance
Summary: But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.
@thatonechandelier @countingthestarsaboveourheads @tiergan-andrin-alenefar @an-ungraeceful-swan @books-over-boys @if-only-wishes-were-answered @be-sapphic-do-crime I believe these are the people who asked to be tagged.
Warnings for cursing, homophobia, some blood/injuries but nothing graphic
Read on AO3
Livvy would have liked to think that the first time ce talked to the most beautiful girl ce'd ever seen was romantic and eloquent, but no, cer brain decided to shut down that day. Ce was a level six at foxfire, and technically, Della talked to cer instead of the other way around. Livvy mostly just stammered and nodded. It was a normal day of eating lunch and bitching about history homework, when ce felt a tap on cer shoulder and spun around to see none other than Della Vacker, with her brown skin and red lips and shimmering violet dress and…
”Earth to Livvy. Della just asked you a question,” Tiergan said, not looking up from drawing Prentice in the margins of the essay xe was supposed to be writing. Livvy blushed and snapped to attention, thinking this was off to a fantastic start, but maybe ce could save the situation by saying something super smooth.
What came out of cer mouth was not something super smooth. What came out of cer mouth was ”Um. Hi. I’m Livvy.”
Beside her, Elwin chuckled and ce prayed for the ground to swallow cer whole. Della’s mouth quirked into a smile. “I hear you’re good at biology?”
With tremendous effort, ce forced out the words “I’m okay at it.”
”Don’t sell yourself short, you’re a freaking genius,” Elwin jumped in. Cer face was probably on fire, even though they weren't wrong. Ce didn't like to brag, but... that wasn't even true! Ce loved to brag! Just yesterday ce was laughing in Alden's face that ce'd scored higher on the test than him! Somehow, now ce was feeling self conscious? What?
Running a hand through her hair, Della asked “Would you be willing to help me with it? It’s my worst subject and my parents are starting to get on my case about midterms.”
Was this… like… real? Breathless, ce managed to say ”Yeah! Sure!”
”Cool! Would after school tomorrow work?”
Too panicked to speak, ce nodded.
”Okay, I’ll see you then.” Her smile grew wider as she waved and glided away.
Livvy waited for her to be out of earshot before turning back to cer friends scattered around the table. “What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened.”
”You okay there, Dr. Lesbian?” Cyrah asked, grinning.
Like they were the only words left in cer vocabulary, ce repeated “What the fuck.”
Tiergan snorted. “Della Vacker, huh?”
”Shut up.”
”You’re still staring in her direction,” Cyrah added helpfully.
”Shut up,” Livvy snapped, already counting down the minutes to their study date.
___
Somehow, those minutes crawled by at a snail's pace of tossing and turning in bed, of paying zero attention in class and doodling D+L one too many times in cer notebook. When the bell finally rang, ce jumped out of the Universe class with a speed usually reserved for claiming the last slice of mallowmelt. It was a wonder ce didn't crash into anyone on cer way to meet Della at her locker. Despite cer speed, Della was already there when Livvy arrived, somehow looking graceful even while lugging a backpack that must have weighed a ton. Ce must have gotten slightly more eloquent since the last time they saw one another, because cer voice sounded steady on what ce hoped was a casual "Hey."
Her locker clicked shut. "Hi."
"So..." Oh, there was that on-brand disaster lesbian inability to form words. "Where do you want to study?"
"I was thinking my house?" And as if that hadn't already sold Livvy, she added "I baked ripplefluffs last night, and we can have some once I we finish. I find ripplefluffs to be very motivational when I'm studying."
She had a point, and Livvy's heart beat faster at the thought. Over at Della's house? It sounded exciting initially, but the more ce thought about it, the more ce realized ce would probably make a fool of cerself. But the ripplefluffs did sound really good, and Della needed cer help, so... "Alright. I have to go grab my things from my locker, but yeah, I'll meet you there."
"Great! It's called Lumiere." Della waved and turned around towards the leapmaster. Livvy spun in the other direction, nearly running to cer locker, and cer best friend who was now cer source of romantic advice, against their will.
"Elwin! Help!"
Elwin buried their face in their hands. "What did you do this time? Don't you have a study date with Della?"
"Yeah, I'm about to go over to her house and I don't want to fuck this up! What the fuck do I do? How does one talk to a girl? It would be nice if I knew how to flirt, but I would honestly just settle for not making myself look like a complete and total idiot. What am I doing?" Ce rested cer forehead against the cold metal of the locker.
Their hand settled on cer shoulder. "You're asking me for romantic advice? Livvy, I'm aroace."
"You're also my best friend! It's your job to get me out of messes I create!"
"I'm pretty sure I did not sign up for that. But... just... be yourself, I guess?"
"I can't be myself! Myself is an awkward trainwreck!"
"Maybe Della has a thing for awkward trainwrecks. And anyway, if she doesn't like you, that's her loss."
"I guess?"
They gave cer a thumbs up. "You got this, Dr. Lesbian."
___
Dr. Lesbian did not have this, ce realized upon arriving at Lumiere. It looked... very fancy. A house for a princess, where awkward trainwrecks were generally not invited. Ce stood frozen for a moment after ringing the doorbell before it swung open and Della came into sight. "Livvy! Come on in." For a horrifying second, it felt like cer legs wouldn't work, but ce managed eventually. The two made it to the foot of the stairs before a man approached. Judging by the resemblance, Della's father.
"Radelle?"
Radelle?
"Livvy's helping me with biology. We were just going up to study now."
Della's father turned to Livvy and nodded. "Pleasure to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," ce replied, resisting the urge to hide behind Della. Everything about him screamed intimidating, such a contrast to Livvy's own father, who was full of laughter and terrible puns. Ce couldn't imagine growing up with him like Della had. Maybe he seemed warmer once you got to know him, but Della was hugging her chest like she wanted to disappear into herself, so maybe not. Then, as if coming out of a trance, her posture straightened and she grabbed Livvy's hand, pulling cer to the staircase.
They were holding hands.
Livvy prided cerself on not having a heart attack.
When they arrived at her room, Della gestured to the stack of papers on her meticulously organized desk. "That's what we're studying. I understand just about none of it." Livvy glanced over and launched into an explanation, beginning to bounce on cer toes as enthusiasm took over. Was that nerdy? Yes, but this was interesting to cer! Della nodded along as ce spoke.
"Okay, I think I get it?"
With another look at the worksheet, ce asked one of its practice problems. Della thought for a moment before answering correctly.
"Great!"
Della smiled. “You’re really good at this," she said, her eyes wide and she was staring right at cer and- "Like. Really good.”
Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Thanks… I’m planning on being a doctor, so it wouldn’t be great if I couldn’t do this shit." Cue the awkward laugh.
"Well, I think you’ll be great at it." And the kindness written into her face, the genuine smile curling across, somehow hurt to look at. Like Della was the sun, like she was too bright. Accepting compliments, without the jokingly overdone flourish ce loved so much, seemed almost... dangerous. Admitting something was important to cer, bringing it in close to cer heart, felt like inviting some cruel outside force to come take it away. Admitting, even to cerself, that ce cared and hoped, meant opening up to the possiblity that ce could get hurt. Which was definitely not something ce wanted to do.
So, Livvy cleared cer throat and changed the subject. "What do you want to do? After graduation?”
"I’ll probably end up a trophy wife and give birth to some powerful children." Her eyes dropped from cer and fixed on the ground.
With the homework all but abandoned, Livvy took a tiny step closer and softly asked "That’s what you want to do?"
"That’s what I’m supposed to do. What I want doesn’t matter." Della shook her head roughly, and a coil of her perfect hair fell out of place, swinging across her eyes.
Livvy leaned further still and tucked the hair behind her ear. "It does." Their noses were almost touching. "It does matter."
"Tell that to my parents," Della snorted.
"Okay. I will."
"You'll- what?"
Della might have said something else, too, but Livvy's feet led cer out the door before ce could hear. Who the hell did Della's parents think they were? Without cer noticing, cer hands curled into fists. Ce probably should not punch Della's parents. That wouldn't exactly be a great first impression, and might be a little extreme. But damn, it was tempting. Channeling the voice of a disappointed Lady Erica, ce marched into the kitchen and said, in a voice dripping with sarcastic politeness, "Lord Vacker."
Hopefully that was the right title. Gendered titles were exceptionally stupid and Livvy tried hard to not keep track of any of them.
"Livvy, was it? What brings you here?"
"Just came to inform you that you seem like a really shitty father." His jaw dropped, but before he could get a word in, ce continued. "You taught your daughter that what she wants doesn't matter! That's awful! What she wants absolutely matters! She's a person, and a pretty incredible person at that, not just someone you can control to get what you want. That's all, thank you for your time."
Ce spun around, ready to go back to tutoring Della, and instead walked into her.
"What the hell?" she whispered, and Livvy noticed with a start there were tears in her eyes. She all but ran towards the stairs, and ce followed.
"Someone needed to tell him that, and you clearly weren't going to."
"Well... I... thank you."
"Any time." After dropping the eye contact ce'd been holding for longer than was strictly necessary, ce dropped cer gaze to the floor. "I'd better get going... you think you're okay with the bio stuff?"
Della nodded. "Thanks to you. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow." Livvy waved and then immediately proceeded to cringe. "Bye!" ce yelped, leaving as quickly as possible without running. As soon as ce was out the door, ce blurted into the silence "What the fuck?"
___
"Spill the tea," Cyrah demanded, leaning forward and resting her chin on her hands.
"You're all so embarrassing," Livvy whined.
Prentice mimicked Cyrah's pose. "I don't hear you spilling the tea."
In a deadpan, ce said "We kissed."
Cyrah's jaw dropped. "Holy shit!" she shrieked, turning half the heads in the cafeteria.
"Before you left you were freaking out about the prospect of having a conversation with her, did you really work up the nerve to kiss her after that gay panic?" Elwin asked.
Livvy snickered. "No. That did not happen. I just wanted to see Cyrah's face. And it was hilarious, thank you."
"You monster! I trusted you! I-"
"What actually happened?" Prentice interrupted.
"We did hold hands."
"And you didn't faint?"
Ce glared at Tiergan. "No, for your information, I didn't. And then she complimented me! And complimented me again when I tried to deflect it! I don't know how to accept compliments, you guys, what was I supposed to say? So I just kinda coughed and changed the subject. Apparently her father is a dickhead and I yelled at him. She thanked me. Then I left. Is this tea good enough for you?"
"Fantastic, thank you," said Cyrah, nodding.
"Happy to provide you with tales of my lonely gay love life."
___
All week, the memory of Della's hand in cers carried Livvy through the worst of the boring classes, helped by the occasional longing glances in the hallways. It wasn't quite enough for cer, which was why one might think ce would be happy to have Della come back over to cer lunch table, but no. Ce nearly spat out cer lushberry juice. Thank goodness ce didn't. Maybe the universe was a tiny bit on cer side. "What brings you here?" Livvy asked once ce regained the ability to speak.
Della twisted her hands together. "Well, basically, having you really over really helped a lot last time and I was wondering if that would be something you'd be willing to do again? Maybe tomorrow afternoon? I mean, you totally don't have to if you don't want to, but... I think it would be nice. Sorry." It had never crossed Livvy's mind that this could be nerve wracking for Della, too. Probably not because she found cer pretty or anything, but maybe Della just wasn't the type to like asking for help.
"Yeah sure I'd love to," Livvy blurted, earning a smooth from Prentice. Ce flipped him off.
"Great!"
"I'll have to ask my parents for sure, I guess I'll hail you once I find a time that works?"
Della nodded. "See you soon!"
Staring at the rest of the group and pointedly not staring at Della as she walked away, Livvy hissed "What am I going to do?" No one had an answer then, nor did they have an answer the next day when ce demanded to meet up at Rochellevé Coffee to ramble about a certain pretty Vacker, for thirty minutes gay. Everyone was being entirely unhelpful. Livvy slammed cer hands on the table. “What am I supposed to say to her!?”
“Tell her everything you’ve screamed at us this last half hour,” Tiergan offered, xyr focus mostly on his coffee.
That was the most embarrassing scenario imaginable. “No!”
“Fine, then I’ll tell her, I’m sure she’ll find it adorable.”
“If you do that, I will actually kill you.”
Tiergan only shrugged.
Throwing him a disapproving look, Cyrah said “We won’t tell her how cute you get panicking yet, but it’d be a great story to tell at your wedding.”
”At our- what? We won’t- what?!”
Cyrah scoffed. “Please. You guys will totally start dating and I look forward to shoving popcorn into my mouth as it happens.”
Throwing cer hands up, Livvy declared “I hate you all.”
Elwin smiled. “We love you too, Dr. Lesbian.”
”If you want actual advice,” Prentice cut in before Livvy could keep yelling at cer dumbass friends. “Try complimenting her hair. And give her candy.”
”You sure?”
”Well, considering I’m the only person here who a, likes girls and b, is not laughing at you, you kind of have no choice but to listen to me.”
Ce sighed. “I hate it when you’re right.”
“Luckily, it’s a pretty rare occurrence,” said Tiergan, grinning.
Prentice spun around to face him. “Okay, first of all, fuck you-”
”Want to buy her some prattles?” Elwin interrupted.
”Does she like prattles?”
”Does anyone not like prattles?”
Livvy considered. “Good point, I’ll go buy some.”
At the checkout desk, the woman working took a glance at cer purchase and smiled. “Good luck with this girl.” Ce flamed bright red and snatched the candy, nearly sprinting away. Behind cer, Elwin chuckled.
“Good luck with this girl,” they repeated, giving a thumbs up. Livvy sighed and started on cer way to Della’s house.
___
Della opened the door and waved cer in frantically. “I don’t think my father would be thrilled to see you, so hurry up.”
“I’m surprised he let me come back.”
“Yeah, he didn’t want me to invite my ‘rude friend’ over, but I need the help in bio and he knows it, so I got him to agree. Come on, let’s get to my room.”
Livvy sat on the desk rather than the chair, as queers do, and dug around in cer pockets. “I have prattles for when we finish, so let’s try to learn this shit quickly.”
“You’ve inspired me to work hard,” Della said solemnly, and sat quietly save for a few questions as Livvy rattled off every fact ce knew about the elf immune system. There were a lot. “You seem super enthusiastic about this,” she said finally, when Livvy paused for air.
Ce blushed. “Sorry.”
“No, you don’t need to apologize, it’s nice. So.” She glared at her worksheet, spinning the pencil around graceful fingers. Livvy would definitely drop it if ce tried that, but she made it look easy. Her tongue poked out from the corner of her mouth as she scribbled something down. Livvy had to remind cerself not to stare at her mouth. “White blood cells, wooo,” she cheered, voice monotone.
“Hey, white blood cells are important!"
“Yeah, but they’re giving me a headache right now.”
“Just think of the candy, that’ll get you through.” Ce thought back to cer mortifying conversation with cer friends. “Your hair looks nice, by the way.” Which was definitely the truth, with the braid she’d put it in and the light glinting off of it.
Della’s eyes widened. “Oh! Thanks!”
Nailed it.
She only needed to ask Livvy one question before scribbling her last answer with a flourish and slamming her pencil down. “Finished! Give me those prattles!”
With a laugh, ce handed one over and took one for cerself. “Enjoy, you’ve earned it.”
As she took a small bite, her face melted to a satisfied smile. It seemed Livvy- or Elwin, ce supposed, they deserved most of the credit- was right in assuming she liked prattles. Livvy ate cer own, smiling just as wide. When they both finished, they looked at their pins. "A tomple, not bad," Della said. "What’s you get?” Livvy showed her. “Holy shit- you got a unicorn! I would kill to have one of those!”
“I’ll trade you,” Livvy offered. Before the words came out, ce had no idea they would, but ce didn’t regret them. Especially once ce saw the delight sparkling in Della’s eyes.
“Really?! You’d do that?”
Ce nodded. “Yeah, I have one already, so it’s no big deal. And considering the ungodly amount of these things I eat, I’ll get another soon enough.”
“Wow, I… thank you!” She scooped it up from cer palm, causing cer to freeze as their skin made contact. Then the moment, if it could really be called that, vanished, and ce took the tomple pin from Della.
“Yeah, no problem! I’m guessing it would be received well if I brought prattles again when I came by next week?”
The smile on her face was answer enough before Della said “I’d like that.”
Ce didn’t want to leave, not quite yet. So ce searched for conversation to fill the silence. Eventually cer mind settled on “How come you didn't ask Lady Erica for help? Not that I mind tutoring you, but it seems like she'd be better at it."
"Honestly, she kind of scares me."
Livvy barked a laugh. "Same. But how come I don't scare you? I'll have you know that I am very intimidating."
"You're not intimidating, you're pretty cute."
What came out of Livvy's mouth was unclear. Maybe a squeak? Ce would prefer not to talk about it. So, trying very very hard not to read too much into that cute and get cer hopes up, ce cracked cer knuckles and said "Excuse me! I am terrifying. Quinlin tried to kiss me once and I punched him in the face. Broke his nose. Now he hides behind Alden whenever he sees me. I am badass."
"That is pretty badass," Della agreed, and ce couldn't help blushing at the amazement her voice held. "Not a fan of people trying to kiss you, huh?"
And ce couldn't stop cerself. "Not a fan of boys trying to kiss me. If a pretty girl asked, I would say yes in a heartbeat." A moment after realizing what ce just said, ce pointedly looked anywhere other than the pretty girl she would say yes in a heartbeat if asked to kiss. "I think I have to get home, bye!" Ce could not get out of there fast enough. (Ce wanted to go back.)
___
The next day at lunch, Cyrah demanded to know “What happened this time?”
“Well… I told her I like girls.” Elwin held their hand up for a high five, and ce obliged. “And about that time I punched Quinlin. She looked impressed.”
“It was impressive,” Prentice agreed.
Tiergan smiled fondly. “Alden looked just about ready to kill you, though, for hurting his boyfriend.”
“They’re not dating,” said Elwin.
“I mean… they’re not not dating.”
In an uncanny imitation of Alden's voice, Prentice said “Of course they’re not dating, Tiergan, they’re just cognates! It’s not gay if you’re cognates!”
“Making out with a guy seems pretty gay.”
Livvy grinned. “What if they say no homo first?”
Cyrah held her fingers close. “It’s a little homo.”
"What's a little homo?" Della said, sliding into the seat beside Livvy. Ce froze. "Livvy?"
"For your information, I'm more than a little homo," ce corrected.
Tiergan held up his hand at what had to be a mockery of cer five feet and two inches. "Well, in terms of height... you're a very little homo."
"Fuck you!"
"What's that? It's hard to hear you from all the way up here."
Everyone laughed, including Elwin- barely two inches taller than cer!- who at least had the decency to give cer a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. It became harder to hate all cer friends when ce noticed the mirth shining in Della's eyes, something ce wanted to see again and again and again. The conversation shifted around, from annoying mentors to whether Fintan and Bronte had dated; the verdict was a unanimous yes. It was impressive, how Della managed to slide into the group so effortlessly that ce was surprised to remember it hadn't always been this way.
"Thanks for letting me sit with you guys," said Della, as they stood to file back to classes. "I'm having kind of a fight with my usual crowd, so..." she shrugged.
"Yeah, no problem- you're welcome to sit with us whenever."
Ce didn't really expect Della to take cer up on that offer. But she did, sitting at their table more and more until it was nearly every day. To the point where Livvy's mother brought up celebrating the end of midterms with cer friends, and somehow, Della found her way on that list without cer even thinking about it at all. Ce was friends with Della Vacker; this information would absolutely stun the Livvy from two months ago, who could barely hold a conversation with her.
They were friends now, and that should have been good enough. It was incredible! Still, cer idiot lesbian of a self couldn't stop wondering, what if...
___
Midterms were over, finally, and Livvy was sorting through cer gifts; frog earrings from Elwin, a book of Sappho poetry from Tiergan, a camera from Prentice, and colorful beaded necklaces from Cyrah. Ce bit cer lip, hoping Della liked the earrings (not of the frog variety) Livvy got for her. Handwritten notes and a small gift weren't exactly the open declaration of love the butterflies in cer stomach seemed to think it was. Still... it felt like telling her that ce cared, maybe more than ce let on.
Like daydreaming thinking about Della had somehow summoned her, she appeared by cer side and nearly yelled "Livvy! Livvy, I got an A on the biology midterm!" There was no thinking involved, not even a hint of awareness as to what ce was doing, but ce cheered and leaned over to kiss Della on the cheek.
Her eyes widened.
Oh, shit, was the first coherent thought in cer head as ce realized what ce'd just done. "Um, congratulations! I gotta go thank Elwin for my gift!" Ce leapt up and ran over to them, nearly dragging them into the corner of a mostly empty hallway and screaming "Elwin, I kissed Della on the cheek!"
"Um... congratulations?"
Livvy sighed. They just didn't understand the terrible predicament this put cer in! Ce tried to explain. "No, this is bad. This is very bad. It's going to make everything so awkward between us, as if I hadn't made every conversation awkward enough already!"
"You'll be fine, Livvy," they said, giving cer what was probably meant to be a comforting smile.
"I guess." Ce sighed again. "Thank you for the frog earrings, by the way."
"I thought you'd like them. Thanks for the stuffed llama."
They grinned, and ce grinned back, and at least ce had a few weeks to avoid the crushing awkwardness of interacting with Della. The awkwardness returned as soon as ce got back from break, when Cyrah immediately asked "So, how's Delivvy going?"
Tiergan raised an eyebrow. "What is a Delivvy? Is that like a Tiertice?" Prentice turned bright red as Elwin muffled a snicker, and Livvy breathed a sigh of relief. If they were all laughing at Tiergan, they couldn't laugh at cer for how absolutely head over heels ce was for Della. Not that anything had happened. They'd called one another a few times, and ce'd even invited Della over for dinner once- to cer dismay, cer parents were hopelessly embarrassing- but their friendship was firmly in the platonic stage.
Cyrah rolled her eyes. "Our idiot friends aside, anything juicy to tell us?"
"Nothing juicy."
"Oh, make a move on her already."
"It's not my fault she's terrifying! Stop bothering me!"
"Ugh, but bothering you is so fun."
"Fuck off."
Elwin, apparently done teasing the other idiot gays, turned to Livvy and said "Have you told Cyrah about... what happened right after midterms?"
"I may or may not have kissed her on the cheek," ce muttered, looking firmly at the floor.
Cyrah gasped. "And then?"
"I ran away and screamed to Elwin."
"You disappoint me."
Yeah, Livvy was also disappointed, because maybe if ce'd stuck around a little longer something could have happened... or maybe it would have been awful. It probably would have been awful. Running away was completely the right decision. Della was scary, and crushes were scary, and Livvy should definitely keep running away.
___
"I'm filling out my matchmaking packet."
Dread settled into Livvy's stomach. "Oh?"
Somehow, Della didn't pick up on quite how loaded that oh was. "Would you be willing to come hang out with me while I figure it out? It sounds pretty boring and I could use a friend."
"Sure," ce said, although ce could not imagine a worse hell. And what a hell it was! Della brought out a stack of papers that looked thicker than cer history textbook, and that was seriously saying something. And every page of them asked about what kind of boys Della liked. Boys, boys, boys. Of course it was boys. And ce knew that their system was painfully straight, and that she was painfully pressured into following the system, but this... this felt too real.
from: dr lesbian
to: dr aro
GIRL HELP DELLAS FILLING OUT HER MATCHMAKING PACKET
from: dr aro
to: dr lesbian
am not girl cannot help
from: dr lesbian
to: dr aro
SERIOUSLY
THIS IS PAINFUL DJFSKJDSKDS
she's gonna marry a boy </3
from: dr aro
to: dr lesbian
that really sucks
i'm sorry
would a picture of an otter help?
from: dr lesbian
to: dr aro
ofc!!!
And it did bring a smile to cer face. But the smile fell quickly as Della asked "It's telling me to say what I find most attractive in men- I don't know what I find most attractive in men!"
"You think I'm any help?" ce tried to joke. "I'm not even attracted to men."
Della sighed. "I don't know. I guess... a sense of humor. And caring about me, and being willing to stand up for me." Her eyes flicked over to Livvy, before quickly shooting down to her paper. "I don't know. This doesn't seem romantic at all. They're just trying to check off boxes, and when I fall in love, I want it to be a little more... intimate." It was Livvy's turn to sneak a glance at her. Ce wanted to reach out and rest a hand on top of Della's. That was the worst possible thing ce could do right now. "Anyway. I guess I'll just come back to this part."
She kept flipping through. Ce kept keyboard smashing at Elwin. Finally, Della stood up. "I'm ready turn this in? Want to come with me to Atlantis?" And Livvy nodded. Some dumb part of cer brain got excited, and ce had to shut it down by remind cerself that this wasn't a date, this wasn't even close to a date, this was going with Della as she got matched with a boy and married him and not Livvy.
"This is exciting, huh?" ce said, trying not to let cer voice reveal just how very not excited ce felt.
"I guess." If Della was trying to make her voice not reveal how not excited she felt, she had just failed miserably. "Do you want to do this? Go through matchmaking, and everything?"
The thought simply did not compute in cer head, and just saying no didn't feel like enough, but ce did so anyway. "Do you?"
Della sighed. "I'm turning mine in right now, Livvy."'
"That's not a yes."
"I know it's not a yes, dammit!" She shoved it into the matchmaker's hand and walked away before Livvy can respond. How would ce even have responded? Could ce have talked Della out of doing this, maybe? Even if it was for selfish reasons, this wasn't what Della wanted either. But ce didn't think of anything wise to say, and Della had turned in her packet and left. The next day, she apologized for snapping, but refused to let Livvy bring it up again.
Which was good. The less ce thought about Della getting married to anyone that wasn't cer, the better.
___
It was the night of Della's winnowing gala, and Livvy was definitely not listening to sad music while imagining what it would be like to attend, to twirl Della around. Nope, not at all. Della was choosing a husband, and Livvy was perfectly fucking fine. Ce tried distracting cerself with whatever ce could- listening to Tiergan ramble about human music, helping Elwin decide which of two new stuffed animals to buy (the stegosaurus, obviously), and none of it fucking worked because ce was still thinking about Della.
Ce had finally decided to go to bed and wallow in cer misery, when the doorbell rang.
"Who the fuck is here this late?" ce muttered, glancing in the mirror to fix cerself up into "totally wasn't just having an unrequited lesbianism related breakdown" before scrambling downstairs to answer, and it was- it was Della, makeup smudged, hair out of place, bags under her eyes.
"Can I sleep over here tonight?"
Yes, ce wanted to say, but- "I'll have to check with my parents." They said yes, thankfully, and the pair went up to Livvy's room. Although ce knew full well this was a dangerous minefield to navigate and the answer would probably hurt, but ce couldn't resist asking, "How'd it go?
"My feet hurt like hell. Those shoes..." Della pulled a face. "As for the boys, my parents want me to marry Alden."
"Alden? Ugh, he's so annoying." And also gay for Quinlin, but ce didn't say that.
Della shrugged, "He's alright. And like I said, my parents really want us to get together."
"And you? Do you want that?"
For a long time, she said nothing. Then, finally- "I want to make my parents happy."
Wherever the fuck Lord and Lady Vacker were, Livvy wanted to go yell at them again. Or let cer fist do the talking. "I wish you would stop letting them control your li-"
"Can we just drop it? Please?" Something about the look in her eyes made Livvy agree, against cer better judgement. The conversation drifted to hair, to fashion, to classes. Anything easy and meaningless. Eventually, they settled down for the night, and Livvy played the more serious part of their conversation over again in cer head. Ce rolled over.
"You deserve to make yourself happy too," ce said to Della's back. She didn't respond. Maybe she was already asleep.
___
"Alden's thinking of proposing," Della said, lying on the grass.
She didn't make eye contact with Livvy, who sat bolt upright and exclaimed "He's what now?" For a moment, ce tried to imagine it. Della in a white dress, looking ethereal, holding a bouquet. Alden in a tuxedo, not a hair out of place, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. The two of them settling into a nice, normal, perfect picture of an elvin family. Ce imagined Della smiling at the wedding, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.
"I overheard him talking with Quinlin about it."
"Guess the surprise is ruined, then." It was too easy to keep a smile on cer face, play the role of a supportive best friend.
Della sat up and finally looked at Livvy. "I don't mind. It's nice to have a heads up, I suppose, so I don't have to decide on the spot."
This time, Livvy was the one to look away. "What are you going to say? Do you think?"
"I don't know. Probably yes. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him."
"Wouldn't mind," ce repeated. "How romantic. Do you really want to marry Alden? I've seen you look at a half-burnt ripplefluff with more love in your eyes than when you look at him, that can't be how you really want your future to look. What do you want? Who do you want?"
"You," Della whispered, and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Dammit, Livvy, I've wanted you all along."
This had to be a daydream. This had to be a daydream. Because Della was cer friend, and had been for a long time, but she'd never shown any indication of living a life outside of what heteronormative elvin society wanted. Livvy? Livvy was not what heteronormative elvin society wanted. And yet... and yet, there wasn't a trace of anything less than honesty written across Della's face, and this was real. Somehow, this was real. So ce reached out to take her hand. "I didn't think there was a hell you could want me back, not like... that."
"Well, you are a dumb lesbian."
Ce breathed a laugh. "That I am." Della stayed silent a moment longer. Never looking away from Livvy's eyes save for when her gaze slipped down to cer lips and then back up, no longer than a second. Livvy broke the silence with an unplanned, but long overdue, "Can I kiss you?"
She nodded.
And ce did. Ce kissed her.
___
Della had been avoiding cer. For a week. Livvy was going to murder her. If ce didn't die first, because cer lungs really disagreed with chasing after Della this fast for this long. Raindrops splattered against cer face and puddles splashed as ce stomped into them. "Della!" No response. "Della! You can't avoid me forever! Why won't you fucking talk to me?"
She finally stopped running and turned to face Livvy. Damp hair clung to her forehead, and Livvy had the odd urge to move it away for her. "Because if I come back and talk to you, I'm not sure I'll have the strength to leave you again."
"Why do you even want to leave me!"
"I don't! Livvy, it's never been about what I want. You know that. We've both known that for a long time."
Ce didn't know if that was a tear or a raindrop on cer face, and ce didn't particularly care. "I thought you might want me enough to change your mind about that."
"You thought wrong." Della groaned as the sky behind her thundered. "We can't... we can't be together. Not like this. I wish we could, but... we can't."
"Okay," Livvy said simply, and ran back in the other direction before Della could see cer crying.
___
A knock sounded on cer door. "Liv?" came Elwin's voice.
"Do you have more ice cream?"
"I don't, no."
Ce scowled. "Then go away!"
"I do have a gift."
"I don't give a shit."
"It's rainbow."
That got cer attention. "Fine. Come in."
Their eyes widened as they walked inside. "Wow. You look..."
"Like shit, I know." Ce sniffed. "This whole thing is shitty."
"It is. I'm sorry. But I brought you something to try and make this a little bit less shitty. Meet your emotional support stuffed animal, Natasha the Narwhal." They brought their hand out from behind their back. Sure enough, they had a stuffed narwhal, and it was rainbow. It did make this a little bit less shitty. Livvy took it gratefully and hugged it to cer chest.
As Elwin sat on the bed next to cer, ce began sobbing again. "She just- she just fucking broke up with me! We were barely even together and she broke up with me and now she's gonna marry Alden, of all people, because she's not willing to take the risk of being with me and she's barely even speaking to me and we can't be together and it's just- it's all awful, Elwin."
Wrapping cer in a hug, they agreed "It's fucking awful."
___
"I can't believe you're going through with this," Livvy said. In another world, this moment could have been beautiful. Della in her white dress and veil, bouquet in her hand. Livvy wearing a suit and tie, rainbow beads woven into cer hair. If ce was the one set to marry her in an hour, this scene would have been something out of a fairy tale. But now? It was something out of a nightmare. "I can't believe you're going to marry him."
Della sighed. "I don't want to fight right now. It's my wedding, Livvy, can't you at least pretend to be happy for me?"
Ce probably could pretend, but ce didn't want to. Instead, ce took a step closer, noticing the way Della flinched at how close their faces were. Her grip around the flowers were so tight her knuckles had nearly turned white, posture rigid. "I would be happy for you if you were happy. Is this making you happy?"
"Yes. I'm happy."
The pause she took before answering was barely noticeable, but it told Livvy a lot. Della's gaze didn't quite meet cers, eyes downcast and sorrowful. Her voice trembled and went up an octave. Livvy stared as Della shuffled her feet. Finally, ce said "You're a damn terrible liar."
As though she'd been slapped, Della stepped backwards. "I-"
"Della, I wish you the best, but I can't watch you make yourself miserable to make someone else happy. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. Give Alden my congratulations." Before seeing her reaction, ce spun around, trying to hide the tears spilling out. "Goodbye." If Della responded, Livvy didn't stick around long enough to hear it, nearly running in cer need to get out of here, get out, get out. Between sobbing and not paying any attention to cer surroundings, ce did not notice Quinlin just ahead of cer.
“Are you okay?” he asked, stepping to the side just before ce could slam into him. Livvy knew ce had to look a mess right now, with red puffy eyes and fire burning in cer clenched fists. Quinlin didn’t look much better, with tears glistening in his own eyes. The absurdity of the situation almost made cer laugh- two pining gay fools, in love with someone who loved them back but refused to act on it.
”Fan-fucking-tastic,” Livvy replied, trying to force cer breathing into some semblance of normal. “You?”
Quinlin sighed. “He’s my best friend. I should be celebrating with him.”
”You love him,” ce said. It wasn’t a question.
”Against my better judgement. I try to be content with where our relationship is right now, as cognates, but I can’t help wanting…” His voice trailed off and he swiped at his eyes. “You understand. I’ve seen the way you look at Della.”
Despite cerself, ce smiled. “You’d have to be blind not to.”
After a beat of silence, the question flew out of nowhere. “Do you want to get married?”
“What?”
Slumping against the wall, Quinlin buried his face in his hands. “It’s not a terrible idea. After all, neither of us will be able to marry the people we truly love. People ask too many questions if we don’t marry anyone eventually, and at least this way we won’t be leading anyone on.” As much as ce hated to admit it, he had a point. But… could ce really do that? Without vomiting? Livvy didn’t know, and Quinlin seemed to sense cer confusion. “You don’t have to decide anything right away. Just… think about it. In the meantime, I hope you get through tonight without making yourself sick on ice cream.”
”I probably will. It’s the only coping mechanism I know.”
“I should try it.”
Livvy smiled again and walked away, before pausing. “Quinlin?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am too.”
___
As one does when they're heartbroken and yearning, Livvy threw cerself into work, trying to really earn the Doctor in Dr. Lesbian. That kept cer thoughts occupied enough with diseases and injuries and elixirs that they were less occupied by Della. Finally, cer mentors considered cer adept enough to truly become a doctor, and job interviews started. Job interviews, Livvy decided, were the worst thing to exist.
Ce rattled off cer qualifications, greatest strengths (quick thinking in stressful situations that didn't involve cute girls) and biggest weaknesses (cute girls, but ce said it was prioritizing different tasks). What ce did not expect to be asked was about cer match status. The aforementioned quick thinking in stressful situations came in handy.
"Oh! Um. Yeah, I haven't been matched with anyone yet since I was trying to focus on my studies, but I was planning to register soon." Was ce planning to register soon? As of two seconds ago. That counted as a plan.
The interviewer nodded. "I see. Well, it's very important that elves in a noble profession such as this one are good matches."
Why did ce want to be a doctor again?
"Especially if you plan to work with children as your resume states, I know many parents would not want their children seeing a physician whose relationships..." He gestured vaguely. "Deviate from the norm."
Apparently Livvy gave off the impression that ce was queer. With the rainbow beads, frog earrings, and leg thrown over the arm of the chair? Who could have predicted. Thoughts swirling to fix this mess, that apparently being cerself would make cer dream job much harder, ce searched for a solution. When it finally hit cer, it was obvious. But oh, not something ce wanted to do, not at all. When ce was finally dismissed from the interview, ce grabbed cer imparter, pulled a face, and said "Show me Quinlin."
___
Livvy Sonden got married.
It wasn't a fairy tale wedding, didn't even give off that facade like Della's. No, this was as unromantic as possible. Livvy and Quinlin coordinated to make their match packets indicate the other, and both ended up on each list. So, they went to the matchmaker's office again, go the papers signed, and then they were legally married. How wonderful.
"Congratulations," Della said, the first word she'd spoken after a month of Livvy artfully avoiding her.
"What?"
"I heard you got married."
It was hardly something to congratulate, but Livvy nodded. "I did."
"Ironic, after you yelled at me at my wedding for... what was it? Making myself miserable to make someone else happy?"
Ce should have known she'd bring this up. Livvy sighed and rubbed cer temples. "I married Quinlin for the legal protections. I don't love him, and I'm not pretending I do or deluding myself into thinking I can have the nice heterosexual family the world wants me to have. Our disinterest is mutual. And besides, you chose to make yourself miserable. I was already miserable, so I might as well get tax benefits. It's not like marrying the person I love was an option for me, not after someone took that option away."
Too late, ce realized ce had just told Della ce loved her. This wasn't exactly a sort of romantic confession.
"Well..." Della cleared her throat. "I brought you a gift. Congratulations on the tax benefits, I suppose."
She walked away. Livvy didn't stop her.
___
Prentice was gone, and everything was awful, and Tiergan's Beatles doorbell was ringing, and Livvy was going to murder Alden Vacker. "Fuck off!" ce yelled, swinging the door open to reveal... Della. "Oh! It's you. Never mind."
"Who did you think I was?"
"Your husband. He's been here three times already, trying to apologize and 'make amends,' like anything could possibly replace..."
Della cut cer off. "I'm sorry. I know this obviously isn't amends or a replacement or anything, but I really just want to help in whatever tiny, meaningless way I can, so... I brought you mallowmelt." She held out a container and Livvy took it, thanking her. "How is everyone holding up?"
"About the same," Livvy said, which was to say, fucking horribly.
"I'm sorry," Della said again.
"How is Alden's nose doing?"
"Almost entirely healed."
How dare he be almost healed, when everything else was so broken? Cer grip on the mallowmelt tightened. "Tiergan should have fucked his face up worse," ce muttered.
"I agree." They fell silent, and Della's posture turned rigid, feet shuffling. "Livvy, I have to ask... are you involved with that group Prentice worked with? The Black Swan?"
Panic shot through cer; anger along with it. Ce snapped, "Why do you ask? Reporting back to your husband, so you can destroy our family even more?"
Della took a step back. "No! I wouldn't do that, Livvy, I promise. I- Liv, if you are working with them, and you don't have to tell me, but you have to stop. Stop working with them immediately. After what happened to Prentice, I just- rebellion is dangerous, and I just don't want you to get hurt." How ironic, from the girl who took cer heart and shattered it.
"You don't get to talk. You've already hurt me." With that, Livvy slammed the door shut.
___
Ce wasn’t sure why ce decided to come to Everglen with Quinlin. Talking to Della sounded painful, so why the hell would ce go to her house? Did ce want some semblance of closure? Maybe there was something in Livvy that wanted to be her friend again, wanted… this was a bad idea, and Livvy knew it was a bad idea, but here ce was, behind Quinlin as he rang the doorbell.
Alden answered. “Quinlin!” The look of terror as Quinlin was attacked by a hug and nearly lifted off his feet made Livvy laugh. “And Livvy, hello.”
Ce glared at him and deadpanned “Nice nose you got there, it sure would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”
He backed away from cer. “Again, I am truly sorry about-“
”Whatever. Is Della home?”
”Upstairs, first room on the right.”
Livvy nodded, wiggled cer eyebrows at Quinlin- who still had his arms around Alden and flushed when he saw- and took the stairs two at a time. Only after standing still outside Della’s room for a solid thirty seconds did ce realize that hurrying was a stupid idea. And it was stupid to stand here frozen, afraid. Ce knocked. “Della?”
”Livvy? What are you doing here?”
”Quinlin wanted to stop by and do some… paperwork with Alden. I figured we should talk.”
“I owe you an apology.”
Livvy snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
Sitting down on the bed, Della curled her knees to her chest. Livvy sat down next to her, the distance between them only am excruciating couple of inches. Her voice cracked as she said “I know. Fuck, I know you still got hurt, and I wish you didn’t. I never meant for… any of this to happen. I thought we could just be friends and I wouldn’t like you the way I shouldn’t. Because I’d already resigned myself to the fact that I would marry a man someday and I wouldn’t be happy but being around you… it made me stupid. It made me forget that. So when I fell back to reality, I made you come crashing down with me, and I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t have to make us come crashing down. We could have stayed like that. We could have been happy, but you chose to ruin it.”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
Livvy glared. “Of course you had a choice!”
“You don’t fucking get it!” Della screamed, jumping to her feet.
Deathly quiet, Livvy said “Then explain it to me.”
“Your parents are- your parents are wonderful. They love you. They don’t love you if or love you as long as or love you until. They love you, and they make you happy and you make them happy. I’m glad you have that, but that’s not how things are for me. When I told my parents I liked girls, they told me I had to stop. That Vackers couldn’t be gay. I want to be with you, but you can’t always fucking get what you want.”
Their hands were clasped. When did that happen? Livvy didn’t let go, even though ce knew ce should. Instead, ce laced their fingers together like they were still kids running and laughing through empty hallways and whispered “You deserve to get what you want.”
Della was the one to let go, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “No. I don’t.”
“Del-"
“I think you should go. I’m sorry, but whatever we might have had… it can’t happen.”
Livvy walked to the door and leaned cer head against it. “I know.”
“Can we still be friends?”
“I think so. I need time.”
“Okay. I understand.”
“Goodbye, Della.”
The step ce took out the door was the hardest movement ce’d ever had to make. Unconvinced ce wouldn't lose this battle with cerself and turn back if given the opportunity, ce took off running, down the stairs, out the door, running away from Della, away from heartbreak, not running fast enough.
___
Their friendship was... awkward, to say the least. It was hard to look Della in the eye, now, and ce had a sneaking suspicion she was avoiding cer gaze too. Every interaction was filled with foot tapping and nervous glances at the clock, a pitiful shadow of the easy friendship they used to have. Other than when Livvy came along with Quinlin to visit Everglen, they almost never spoke, and even then, they spent most of their time baking side by side, in silence, or talking with the kids. The kids were nice; Alvar first, then Fitz and Biana. Della had a husband and three children and looked like the perfect picture of a happy family. She looked happy. But Livvy knew her, or at least thought ce did, and she wasn't happy.
They ran into each other from time to time, and occasionally caught up over coffee in Atlantis. But nothing was like it was before, and Livvy hated it.
When Alden's mind broke, the thought crossed cer mind, that ce should go to Everglen and be there for Della. Offer Natasha the Narwhal and cer shoulder to cry on. But that was something a best friend would do, and they weren't best friends anymore. Acquaintances, at best, and it felt like a punch to the gut when ce remembered... Della wanted to grieve with her family. Livvy was not a part of her family.
Ce left her alone.
"Hey, Dr. Lesbian!" Blur, the first to notice cer walking into Alluveterre, said. "How's it going?"
"Well, Alden is over at our house for some... cognate training, so I decided I'd give them a bit of privacy for their totally-not-gay-not-if-we're-cognate shenanigans." Ce sighed and shook cer head.
The group laughed, and Tiergan shook his head along with cer. "Well, now that you're here, there's probably something we should tell you. We've got a new addition to the Black Swan, and... well, it's Della Vacker. She's here. Don't kill me. If you're going to kill someone for allowing this, kill Forkle." Forkle gave xem an incredulous look, and it would have been funny any other time. Currently, Livvy was busy going through ten different emotions in the span of a second. Shock. Anger. Excitement.
And panic. A lot of panic. "Della Vacker? As in, Radelle Adara Vacker?"
"Her name is Radelle?" Juline asked.
Livvy, still panicking, didn't answer. "As in, the Della I fell in love with and may or may not still be in love with? That Della?"
"The look on your face," Tiergan chuckled.
"Tiergan, this is not funny! My unresolved lesbian ex is now part of my rebellion group! Tiergan! Stop laughing at me! What do I do?" Continuing to laugh, Tiergan did not listen in the slightest. Livvy huffed and began frantically pacing the room, thinking about what ce would do if- when- ce saw Della. Yell at her? Hug her? Both? Just stand there like a fool? This was immensely frustrating. And if Livvy spent the next few weeks rearranging cer schedule with the Black Swan so as not to interrupt with said unresolved lesbian ex, that was no one's business but cer own.
Finally, when Fitz got stabbed by some sort of venomous bug, ce couldn't avoid Della any longer. Livvy tried very hard not to let the fear in her voice break cer heart as she demanded to see if her son was okay. The door clicked open and Wraith walked in with a teary-eyed Della, saying "It's gonna be okay, Dr. Lesbian will take good care of him."
"I did not agree to that code name!" Forkle called, across the hallway.
"Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic code name!" Livvy yelled back.
It was only when Della said "Livvy?" that ce realized, Forkle had a point about the code name giving cer away.
"Guilty as charged."
Della opened her mouth. Closed it again. Repeated the action. Finally, she settled on "I don't know why I'm surprised."
"Yeah, joining a gay rebel group seems right up my alley." Ce scratched the back of cer neck. "Fitz will be okay. It'll suck for a while, but he'll be okay."
"Are you sure?" Her voice shook, and somehow, that convinced Livvy to reach out and take her hand like the idiot lesbian ce was. Never mind the fact that this would surely make things much, much more awkward in the days to come, and would not do anything to resolve these unresolved feelings, Della was in pain and ce wanted to be there for her.
It definitely did not send butterflies spiraling through when she squeezed cer hand back. "Yeah, I'm sure. I've seen way worse."
"Thank you." She let go of cer hand then, and ce tried not to let disappointment sting cer. "I'll... let you concentrate on saving my son, I guess."
Livvy nodded and got back to work. Finally, when ce was confident that Fitz was not in any immediate danger, ce slumped into the seat beside Della. "I think these dumb kids should stop getting injured. This shit is exhausting. At least Elwin's finally catching a break."
"At least Elwin's finally catching a break," she agreed. "I love your code name, by the way."
"That is not cer code name," insisted Forkle.
"Whatever you say, Loki, Dr. Lesbian is a fantastic name."
Della cracked a small smile. "Ce's right." Livvy smiled back, and considering how awkward ce thought it would be to talk to Della again, in reality, it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like coming home.
___
"I've realized there is a bit of tension between some members of this group," Forkle started.
Livvy cut him off with "Nooo, really?" and pretended not to notice Della's eyes on cer.
Like he hadn't heard, Forkle continued "So I thought it would be a good idea to have some time to bond. Tonight, we will be playing monopoly!"
"You realize that's only going to make us hate each other more," Juline said. Everyone else nodded, and Forkle scowled.
"Just enjoy your game night."
And, somehow, they did. Livvy played banker, causing Blur to accuse cer of cheating and Della to accuse him of being a sore loser. Wraith, who was normally anti-capitalist, decided capitalism was fun if it meant he got to beat Tiergan at monopoly. The group yelled insults and threw pieces at each other and Livvy laughed until cer throat hurt. Ce couldn't remember having this much fun in a... in a really long time.
"Eat the rich!" Della screamed as Livvy counted out cer money.
Juline smirked. "You want to eat Livvy?"
As her face turned bright red, ce could barely breathe through laughter. Ce fell over onto Della's shoulder, gasping for air. "You should see the look on your face," ce managed. Della sighed and shook her head, eyes filled with fondness. When ce could finally breathe, ce stayed on her shoulder, smiling softly and staring at the ceiling. This was... this was nice.
Oh.
Oh shit.
Oh fuck.
"Why am I such an idiot?" Livvy whined as Elwin took a seat, or what passed for a seat among queers, between cer and Tiergan.
"Because this group of people has one brain cell and most of the time, I have it. What's the occasion?"
Resting cer chin in cer palms, ce said "I may or may not still be in love with Della."
"Were you not already aware of this?" Tiergan asked.
"No? I mean, I knew there were some unresolved feelings, but this is... I'm in love in love."
Xe shook his head. "You are... absolutely blind. Did you not... how. How is that possible. Any time she's in a room with you, you don't pay attention to anything except sending her longing glances. Sophie picked up on the fact that there was something going on between you two, do you know how rare that is?"
"Okay, you do not get to lecture me on longing glances sent within this gay rebellion group," Livvy said before letting out a cough that sounded much like Prentice Endal.
"At least I'm aware that I'm gay for him!"
Elwin laughed and said "I'd be concerned if you weren't."
Ce turned to them. "You're the only functional person here! The one with the braincell! Help, what do I do?" They only shrugged in response, and Livvy rubbed cer temples. "Please, Elwin, I am having a gay crisis!"
"When are you not?"
They had a point. Livvy groaned and slumped over onto them. "Della fucking Vacker. Why does my dumb lesbian heart keep liking her? Fuck. I know letter her into my heart means she can break it, and she already has, but- fuck! I'd let her destroy it again if that meant we got to be happily in love first. Why can't I stop being in love with her? This is so fucking annoying."
"More and more I see the wisdom in abandoning romance, collecting stuffed animals, and adopting children," sighed Elwin.
Tiergan nodded. "You are absolutely correct."
"I should try that, but no, Della has to be really hot! How is it even possible for her to be that hot! This is so unfair! Why must I be a stupid lesbian cursed with a goddess of an ex?"
"Yeah, that sucks," said Elwin.
Ce sighed. "No shit."
___
Ce woke to the sound of Juline screaming. "Dr. Lesbian! Get your ass over to Everglen! Della's hurt!" As ce scrambled to get cer supplies together at a speed ce hadn't previously thought was possible, the words echoed, drowning everything else out; Della's hurt, Della's hurt, Della's hurt. Cer Della. Hurt.
"Shit, fuck-" It was a miracle ce didn't break anything, with the number of times Livvy tripped over cer own feet while running into Everglen. "Della! Della!" In cer interview, ce'd prided cerself on quick thinking in stressful situations. But this? This was a stressful situations ce could not think quickly in. Pretty girls were cer only weakness, after all. As ce began tending to the worst of her wounds, a gash just above her hip, Juline filled cer in on the situation. A Neverseen attack. Biana was also hurt, and Elwin was taking care of aer.
Livvy swept a strand of hair out of Della's face, revealing a purple bruise on her chin. "Don't you dare die on me," ce whispered, voice thick with tears.
"Hey," came a quiet voice from behind cer, as ce triple-checked that the cabinet had all the medicines ce thought they'd need. Ce turned around. Elwin. "Liv, you should go... eat. Or get some rest, or really just... anything in the interest of self preservation."
"Absolutely not. I'm busy with Della preservation."
They sighed. "Okay, but when Della wakes and finds out I let you do a shit job taking care of yourself, she's gonna kill me. And she is terrifying."
"She is, isn't she?" Livvy said, a fond smile on cer face.
"Of course that's attractive to you. Allos are weird."
"Damn right. But what makes you think Della would kill you over my shit self care? It's not like she cares about me."
Elwin sighed again, longer this time. "Livvy. Liv. I say this with all the love in my heart, but you are the stupidest person I've ever met."
"Rude!"
"Yeah, but it's true. The whole damn time, she's cared about you so much."
Livvy looked over at Della, still asleep. "If she cared, why did she hurt me?"
"Because she was afraid of how much she loved you."
That made sense, and Livvy was absolutely done talking about this. "I'm gonna go to Kesler's store to restock on some elixirs, okay?"
"Stop running away from your feelings!"
"Absolutely the fuck not!"
Ce tried, ce really did. But the thing about Della was, no matter how much Livvy tried to run, it was damn near impossible to stay away.
___
It was unclear whether ce was asleep, but a soft "Liv?" immediately got cer attention.
"Della!?"
The grin that split her face was, hands down, the most beautiful thing ce had ever seen. "Livvy."
"You- you're okay." Cer hands clapped to cer mouth.
"Okay is debatable. But I'm alive."
Half a laugh, half a sob, bubbled out. "You are. If you died, I would have brought you back just to kill you myself. Never scare me like that again, Radelle Adara Vacker, I was so fucking scared." Livvy reached out and took her hand in cers. "No more almost dying, you promise?"
"I promise."
"I'm gonna hold you to that."
Della's cheeks flushed pink. "Is Biana okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, Elwin's been taking good care of aer."
She nodded, sighing with relief. Tension returned to her shoulders as she struggled to a sitting position and said "There's something I should tell you."
"Okay."
"So, I was planning to tell you... in the ambiguous later. Which might have been code for never, but I thought I would have an eternity to try. After this, though... I guess I might not have an eternity to try. I guess later might not be guaranteed. So. I'm gonna tell you now. Except I'm not, because I'm stalling. Which I should probably stop doing, so, here goes. Livvy, I've been scared of you for... a really long time. At first, I was scared of you because you were really cute and I would get flustered around you. And then I got to know you, and it scared me because... because I knew I wasn't supposed to love you, and I did. And I do."
Almost to cerself, Livvy repeated "And you do." It was impossible to believe, that after everything-
Something in cer heart splintered and came back together, all at once.
Della tugged at the frayed edges of her sleeves. "I'm still scared, I think. But, you know, I've been thinking about mortality and everything, and... if I don't know how much time I have left, I don't want to spend that time living a life I don't even want because I'm too afraid of what I feel for you."
"About time," Livvy said, trying to keep cer voice light, but cer breath caught as ce leaned in closer. Their noses were close to touching.
"So... I'm going to file a match fail with Alden. And then, I might try living the life I actually want."
Ce reaches out, fingers tracing Della's cheek. "And who might that life include?"
"Oh, there's this person I like... ce's a doctor, and ce's so smart but also kind of a disaster. It's cute. Ce doesn't put up with anyone's bullshit, and ce was the first person to tell me that what I wanted mattered. I think ce might have been right. I should probably listen to cer."
"You should."
"I kind of want to kiss cer."
Hardly daring to breathe, Livvy repeated "You should."
The gap between them closed, and Livvy was finally home.
#this was. this was such a labor of love#so proud of this#delivvy#they're my comfort lesbians!!!!!#and look. they got a happy ending. eventually#della vacker#livvy sonden#livvy vacker hehe#ce/cer livvy supremacy#ce is a gay mess <3#livvy and elwin are lesbian/aroace solidarity fight me#title is from a maine song. obviously#sappho's writing
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hi eve! Would you ever be up to write some solid lesbian fics? Fluff, h/c, angst, even smut if you want (and feel right about it, ofc). I guess marlene and dorcas make the most sense but june and heather is good too, or any other pairing you gel with. I adore this fandom but as in most places, feel like wlw or nblw relationships aren't always represented and would love some from your lovely writing <3 -aj
YEAAAHHHH WOOOOOO LET’S GO LESBIANS!!!! Marlene and Dorcas have like zero canon descriptions and I love them for it. Thank you for the suggestion AJ!!
“Honey, baby, sweetheart,” a low voice singsonged through the haze.
Marlene closed her eyes tighter with a grumpy hum of acknowledgment.
The voice laughed, making her pillow tremble; Marlene tucked her hands under the warmth of Dorcas’ back and stubbornly kept her face pressed into her chest. “I love you,” Dorcas hummed in that same pretty whisper.
“Luvva too, now shush.”
“Come on, it’s time to get up.” Long fingers combed through her bedhead, catching lightly on the tangles. Marlene sank into the touch and finally tilted her head to the side to look up at her lover’s face; Dorcas squished her nose with one finger. “Boop.”
“That was an aggressive boop,” Marlene snorted, stretching her legs out under the covers. “G’morning, sunshine. Good dreams?”
Dorcas shrugged one shoulder and the neckline of her sleep shirt slipped down an inch. “Not many at all, to be honest. You?”
“Wonderful dreams that didn’t include going to work,” she answered wryly with a glare at their bedside clock. “I don’t want to wrangle the boys today.”
“No?”
“I want…” She sighed through her nose and sat up, pulling Dorcas over to lay across her lap. Marlene ran a finger down the slope of her nose. “I want to stay in bed with you all day.”
Dorcas wiggled her eyebrows. “I’m intrigued. Go on.”
“I want to read a book, and cuddle you, and give you kisses, and have little elves bring us breakfast in bed.”
“Doesn’t sound too difficult. Anything else?”
Marlene thought for a moment, watching the cars pass outside their apartment building. It would be a beautiful day of sunshine and clear skies, perfect for a date. “I think that covers it.”
“In that case, I want ice cream.” Dorcas stretched her arms over her head with a groan. “And a pony. And kisses, of course.”
Marlene leaned down with a grin and placed one on her upper lip, then her lower, then both corners before blowing a raspberry on her cheek that drew out the most wonderful husky laugh. “Wish granted.”
“Any progress on the pony?”
“I’ll go coerce one of my millionaire best friends to get it for you.” She smiled against Dorcas’ lips and felt her heart skip a beat when a kiss brushed her sleep-warm cheek. “I love you.”
Eyes the color of rain-damp earth crinkled at the corners; a hand came up to trace her collarbone and give her nose another, gentler, tap. “Good morning to me.”
“Say it back. I’m your fiancée, you gotta.”
“I love you,” Dorcas whispered, propping herself up so Marlene could lay by her side again. “I love you. I love you, I love you.”
“Well, now you’re just making me look bad,” Marlene said playfully with a light tickle to her ribs.
The clock beeped insistently and she buried her face in the pillows with a window-quaking groan of frustration. “You really have to go, hon,” Dorcas laughed. Her palm pushed against the tense muscles to the sides of Marlene’s spine, peeling away her tension with ease. “Come on, snail’s pace.”
“Would you still love me if I was a snail?”
“No.”
Marlene gasped in mock-offense, poking her belly. “How dare you!”
“You’d be a snail!” Dorcas defended. “I wouldn’t even know you!”
“Would you love me if I was a talking snail?”
“Go to work, you weirdo,” she laughed, pushing until Marlene dragged herself upright at last and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress.
“I’m going to be thinking about that all day,” Marlene warned as she padded to the wardrobe. “The whole time. Hey Marlene, why are you so sad behind that camera? Oh, nothing, my future wife just doesn’t love me.”
“Only if you were a snail!”
#marlene mckinnon#dorcas meadowes#sweater weather#lumosinlove#dorlene#my fic#fanfic#wlw#morning snuggles#fluff
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The Babysitter
Characters ( Ally Mayfair-Richards x Reader )
Rating (T)
Word Count ( 2.9k)
Warnings ( None, bad flirting, writing while intoxicated)
“For dinner! I'd love to come home with you for dinner.”
“Well what else would you be coming for?”
“Dessert.”
It was another late night studying on the living room floor of the Mayfair-Richards household. It wasn't uncommon for you to spend a majority of your nights here during the week and sometimes the weekend if you were needed and you usually weren't. Not that you would've minded anyway, your weekends weren't busy—mostly spent either dead asleep or trying to get out of plans you didn't want to be a part of anyway to get more sleep.
But it wasn't everyday that you were able to work for a Senator either, so even if you were busy, you weren't going to tell Ally Mayfair-Richards that. Not that she was a mean boss or anything, she was the Senator for crying out loud. And...okay yes, maybe you idolized the woman a little though it may be because you're studying law but honestly who wouldn't idolize this woman? She went through so much shit getting to this point in her life and career.
And she was hot. She was really hot but you kept it in your pants, but your eyeballs? Different story. You were just grateful that she chose you to watch her son when she was away, especially after you knocked over your entire cup of tea in her living room on the very carpet you were sitting on, and you were just a hot mess.
You thought you blew the whole thing, but the moment she produced the NDA to you a few days later when she called you back for a 'second interview' which included Ozzy this time, you'd been ecstatic and nearly knocked over another fucking cup but Ally was faster than you that time.
The giant TV was playing in front of you across the room but it was just the news channel but the volume was pretty low because Oz was asleep upstairs and you weren't really watching it anyway, you had your airpods in listening to Beyoncé and trying to create a decent scenario for one of the ten theories your professor assigned. It was due the next day so you thought picking the easiest one would work in your favor but it was turning out to be your worst nightmare—and you'd regretted choosing sleep over this, kind of.
You'd been so engrossed in your work, and music, you didn't hear the front door open and shut somewhere behind you or hear Ally quietly talking on the phone, her high heels click clacking on her polished wood floors as she came into the living room. Ally paused slightly at the sight of you and her coffee table, your books and yellow pads scattered everywhere, your head bopping slightly to whatever you were listening to as you scribbled away.
Ally smiled softly, and continued on her way upstairs to check on Ozzy knowing that she was going to find him safe, clean and fast asleep with a full belly. You'd been his nanny for four months now and you were such a blessing for Ally, she'd been reluctant to hire and trust another person with her baby boy but her career was too demanding and Ozzy was only ten. He could stay home alone for a few hours maybe, but not days or even a week or two.
After everything, Ally did have cameras around her home on the outside and she had one directly over the stairs because it overlooked the foyer and parts of the living room from an angle. She didn't want too many camera's inside of her home in case they were hacked but she wanted something at least.
Ozzy's room was dark except for his nightlight by the door and Ally quietly made her way inside, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed and pushing his curls from his face. She was ever thankful that he finally stopped having those horrible nightmares, it meant that she wasn't wasting her money on therapy sessions.
When Ally came back downstairs, you were predictably in the exact same spot you were in and Ally finally did away with her coat, placing it over the spine of the sofa and she stepped out of her heels before coming around and plopping herself down, careful not to knock over your stack of books.
The sudden movement startled you out of your skin and you quickly pulled out your airpods and looked at your boss, “Hey! Sorry, how long have you been home?”
Ally smiled down at you tiredly, practically sinking into the sofa and you could feel her exhaustion rolling off of her in waves, and you couldn't help but sympathize because damn, and you thought you were tired.
“I just got in, I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, things got busier than I expected and then everything went into chaos.”
You smirked when she threw her hands up half heartedly with a roll of her eyes, “Would a glass of wine help?”
“No, but it would definitely be a start if you join me for a glass?” she raised an eyebrow, and as much as you wanted to say yes you've already procrastinated enough and you really didn't need alcohol in your system around her lest you say something you absolutely shouldn't.
“I would but I have to finish this and it's getting late. Do you mind waiting up until my Uber gets here?”
“It's really late, you should just stay the night, (Y/n).” Ally sat up then, waving away your comment, though now she was closer and hovering over you a bit, “I'll take you home tomorrow after breakfast, that sound fair?”
It wouldn't be the first overnight stay but it would definitely be the first time that she'd be home too and you just couldn't say no to that even though you probably should have insisted more that you go home, but you accepted her offer without further debate. You'd gone back to your assignment, minus the airpods this time, and Ally got up to go to the kitchen and you could hear her fixing herself a glass of wine.
Ally set a bottle of water next to you on a coaster before settling back in her spot and finding something to watch on TV, and of course you noticed that she was a hell of a lot closer than she was before.
Your pen had paused on the yellow paper and your eyes glanced over the same sentence three times before your mind processed that you could practically feel the heat from her legs next to your arm through her slacks, and if you leaned just an inch you'd be touching her. You fought the urge to look back over your shoulder, but instead you looked up from beneath your lashes and saw that she was browsing the movie channels at a snail's pace.
Behind you, Ally was sipping her wine in one hand and flipping channels with the remote in the other but her eyes were nowhere on the TV screen. But she noticed the moment your pen stopped moving and your shoulders tensed more than usual, she'd been watching you closely and curiously.
“You okay, honey?”
You turned around to answer her with what you hoped was a calm smile and wished that you hadn't, really. Ally was going to kill you sitting the way she was sitting, her energy screaming big dick and the top three buttons of her shirt were undone and her hair was a little messy. Either she was going to give you a heart attack or your libido would.
“Sweetheart?”
You blinked, coming back to reality so fast you would’ve gotten whiplash, “Uh, yeah...maybe I guess I’m just tired too.” Yeah right.
You chuckled nervously, embarrassed really, and licked your lips again and Ally tracked the movement with rapt attention not that you would've caught it because you were busy being mortified being caught staring like a creep.
“Are you sure? You look flushed, drink some water,” you smiled at Ally, ever the mom.
“I’m not—” not what? Thirsty? Yeah you were but not for some water.
“You’re not what?” Ally pressed, still holding you hostage with her eyes alone.
“Not thirsty for water.”
Ally raised an eyebrow, the corner of her lips twitching and you hate that you noticed, “Oh? Then what would you like to drink if it’s not wine or water?”
Good question. One you didn’t have a good answer to. Not trusting yourself to formulate words into an appropriate sentence, you just nodded and turned back around and grabbed the water she brought you. You were determined to ignore until you were finished with your work—for the sake of your sanity and dignity.
Fuck.
Still watching you, Ally laughed quietly into her wine glass and finally settled on a movie, keeping the volume low as she got comfortable. Deciding to let you off the hook for not answering her question. (This time.)
~~
A few days later...
It was another late night for you but you weren't working for Ally tonight, so you went to the gym instead after studying. You were still wearing your tights and sports bra when you left, only throwing on a jacket because the night air and sweat weren't a great mix.
You didn't have anything at home to eat that wasn't expired or so frozen it came from the ice age...it all went in the trash so all you had left in your fridge was a case of water and cheese sticks. It wasn't surprising though, you spent a majority of your free time at Ally's home and you just ate lunch and dinner there usually. So you went straight to the grocery store after your workout with your trainer.
“Hey (Y/n)!” you looked up and internally groaned, rolled your eyes and threw a whole bitch fit.
You offered Sean a tight near sarcastic smile, “Sean. What is up.”
“Nothin',” he said, leaning against the counter he was standing behind with a cheesy smile, his eyes leering—and it made your skin crawl, “Just working...you?”
“Uh,” you were already over this conversation, “Same, anyway—”
“You still work for that crazy killer lesbian?”
You stopped, pivoting back around slowly to see if he was joking or not, of course it was hard to tell because he was looking at your ass, but the minute he turned around his eyes laser beamed to your chest. Specifically your pebbled nipples and the bars pierced in them. You moved the labels of your jacket to cover them fucking pig.
“Uh, my eyes are up here and two, that 'crazy killer lesbian' is your Senator.”
He shrugged, “I didn't vote for her.”
“I'm...okay, it was nice talking to you but I have things to do.”
“Well, wait,” he moved in front of you, stopping your escape, “That's not what I wanted to talk to you about actually, uh, but listen...do you maybe wanna go to dinner with me this weekend? My treat?”
You raised an eyebrow at him, completely unimpressed with his audacity, “You literally just called my boss a crazy killer lesbian and now you're expecting me to go to dinner with you?” as if, you wanted to add but held yourself in check—barely.
“I'm sorry about that,” Sean only shrugged but he was bashful about it but it only served to irritate you further because it was obvious that he didn't quite mean it and you were mentally slapping yourself for just not ordering that damn pizza.
“Whatever, goodnight Sean.”
you tried to move around him but he shifted, keeping you in place and you knew you could've just turned around, you should've but he would've just followed you, “Well wait, you never answered my question. About dinner?”
“No.”
“Well, wait a minute...why not? The lesbian thing? It was just a joke. You can take one, can’t you?”
“And I'm not laughing, get the fuck outta my way Sean—”
“You—”
“I believe she told you to fuck off.”
Sean's eyes snapped up over your head slightly, and you would've laughed at his stupid face had you not been pivoting around yourself, your eyes meeting a very familiar chin and you looked up, but Ally's eyes weren't on you but instead glaring daggers into Sean. He'd be ten feet under if she got her way with that look. You wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it. (Maybe another version of it...)
“S-senator?”
“Oh, I'm not the crazy killer lesbian anymore? How disappointing.” when Sean could only stare at her like a fish out of the water, Ally stepped forward—a lot closer to you and you didn't have the strength to move or even look away, “I believe you were told to leave. Oh and if I even hear that you looked at or said anything to (Y/n) incorrectly, you're going to have a lot worse than a harassment complaint from a Senator to deal with.”
You didn't see him leave but you heard the squeaks of his sneaker and in seconds flat you and Ally were alone in the cereal aisle and you had absolutely no idea how to even breathe at the moment, much less process that she just saved you from...whatever that even was.
When Ally was satisfied that Sean was gone, she finally looked down at you—there was still a fire in them that you couldn't place but her brown eyes were softer than they were a few seconds ago, and you felt your shoulders relaxing slightly.
“Are you alright, (Y/n)?”
You cleared your throat, taking a small step back—but you still felt exposed under her unblinking stare though not in the same way you felt with Sean, it was the complete opposite, “Yeah thanks to you, so um thanks...a lot. Your timing is impeccable, but what are you doing here so late? Where's Oz? Is he okay?”
Ally smiled at you, shaking her head disturbing her always perfect hairstyle, “Oz is fine, or at least he will be, he must've ate something today at school and it's not sitting well with his stomach,” Ally rolled her eyes but not at the fact that her son had food poisoning but that he had food poisoning from the school lunch. She could only imagine that other children—reforming school lunches was already on her agenda but now she was seriously considering moving ahead of schedule.
“Oh no, how bad?”
“Not too bad...he'll be okay, I'm just here for medicine to stock up on,” Ally reassured you, her eyes flickering over your shoulder for a second, “What are you doing out so late?” and wearing that? She mentally added, but held her tongue because she knew that it wasn't her place to comment on your attire—not that she was complaining about it, but Ally just didn't like the way Sean was leering at you either. She was a hair away from showing him how she earned her title.
Suddenly aware of how much skin you were showing, and that your jacket fell open again but unlike with Sean you didn't feel the need to really cover yourself (even though you knew that you should've). You appreciated her eyes more than his...and probably anyone else's.
“Oh, I went to the gym and since I don't have any food at home...”
Ally chuckled, “Is this your way of asking for a raise?”
“No! No, no you pay me plenty...I'm just too busy to cook is all and then I'm just too tired to eat sometimes. College life.”
“I was teasing, welcome to adulthood. It doesn't stop,” you laughed along with her but you both knew there was truth behind those words.
“I shouldn't keep you, I know you have things to do.”
“You know, I doubt you're going to get a decent nutrient meal here tonight, especially shopping while you’re hungry...” Ally hummed, seemingly thinking hard about something before opening her mouth to carefully speak those words, “You're more than welcome to come home with me for a late dinner if you have nowhere else to be. I'd be more than happy to feed you.”
Heh. Feed me what? You blinked, mildly surprised with how fast your mind went straight to the gutter and you felt your face heating up faster than a house fire, and you had no doubt in your mind that your boss knew exactly what she was doing to you.
But she didn't, Ally didn't have one clue to what was happening in your mind because her own mind was a pile of scrambled eggs while forcing her eyes to stay above your neck. You were both very much still in public.
And the last thing Ally wanted to do was make either you a cliché, especially with her being a public figure in a male dominant career field, both in politics and her restaurant.
“Unless you had your sights set on cereal?” Ally coughed lightly, suddenly nervous and you realized that you'd been standing there staring at her like a moron this whole time.
“No, I'd love to come home with you,” you said cheerfully, meaning every damn word for different reasons, and you smiled at her, before your eyes widened when realizing how forward you sounded, and suggestive as hell, “For dinner! I'd love to come home with you for dinner.”
“Well what else would you be coming for?”
“Dessert.”
Direct result after two blunts...sorry if it's kinda lame tho lmao I went in thinking I was writing smut and gave up somewhere
#ally mayfair richards#ally mayfair richards x reader#ahs cult#ahs x reader#sarah paulson#ahs imagine#american horror story#sarah paulson x reader
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Putting my dad on blast
I mean, as far as Tumblr can blast, but whatever.
After many months of hesitation and frustration, I finally snapped and decided to tell Dad about my gender deal this week. Dropped him a couple post-its where I knew he’d see them; followed that up with a painstakingly typed note which attempted to head off some of the questions and comments I was sure he’d make.
Got into our meeting this morning and what does he start with but: “So why do you think you’re a man?”
That’s right everyone. Buddy didn’t even do the reading. I will freely admit I ought to have pulled the folder I put it in (the one where he keeps all our meeting notes) and placed it for attention on his desk proper, rather than leaving it in its place on the shelf next to his computer monitor. Then maybe he wouldn’t have started running his mouth with everything I thought he was going to say.
Highlights include (paraphrases in single apostrophes, direct quotes in appropriate marks):
- ‘You weren’t even a tomboy’
- ‘You can be a lesbian without being a man’ (lmaO how he jumped right to that)
- Saying it’s too soon (try eight and a half gd months, but of course this seems like an eyeblink to a man over the age of sixty)
- Telling me not to do anything “irrevocable” (i.e. hormones/surgery) - as if I haven’t been going at a snail’s pace as it is with my wardrobe, never mind anything else
- “How are you going to explain to your grandparents” (bitch why do you think I waited this long to tell you)
- “How are you going to explain to your coworkers” (well I actually don’t have to tell them anything more than that I’m changing my name; my pronouns are already on my water bottle, in full view of every passerby)
- ‘You’re too immature; you could be concentrating on improving your professionalism; you don’t even have health insurance’ - “although now I’m glad you don’t”
- Suggesting it has something to do with my breakup of last September (yeah, like perhaps being alone has given me the space to think about this that I didn’t have before?)
- “Everyone can see that you dress like a gay man” - oh, you don’t say? You mean the literal only male employee besides me, who as it happens is in fact gay? Yeah he’s my work-wardrobe template, good job, you noticed.
Does this count as mansplaining yeah or nah XDDDD I think it does. I legit think it does. Wow. Dude’s gonna tell me I’m somehow both too young and too old to know who I am. Woooooooooow.
#trans#it's he him biz#guess who's signing up for insurance to spite him at the literal first opportunity#and guess who's furthermore been pushed much further toward going ahead and starting T#transphobia tw#rhymingtee's real life#ignorance
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The Bianca Nureyev Detective Agency
This was an anniversary present for my wonderful girlfriend @spiky-lesbian who is just the most wonderful girlfriend ever and I love her a lot!
Juno tries to entertain his and Nureyev’s daughter on a slow day in space...
------------
Being a space pirate did sound good on paper. It sounded like a life full of narrowly dodged laser bullets, sprawling on beds of golden creds, witty one liners delivered to fallen foes in the smoking ruins of their empires that you’d just toppled and large, audacious hats.
And it was like that, about twenty percent of the time. But what they didn’t tell you was that the other eighty percent was a hell of a lot of waiting. It was a lot of snail crawling through deep space, killing days upon days worth of time in cramped metal hallways, eating stasis food and absorbing simulated sunlight. Planning your next big twenty percent could only take up so much time.
And it only got harder when you also had a three year old space pirate to entertain.
“Mamaaaaaaa,” Bee Bee poked her head up over the edge of the sofa, looking like some burrowing animal resurfacing, “I’m bored.”
Juno lowered the case file he’d been reviewing, eyeing his daughter with the tired amusement only a parent could muster, “Oh?”
Bee Bee scrambled up onto the family room’s busted old soda, sinking down beside her mama. She peered at him for a moment, taking note of the way he was sat, one ankle folded over the other and tried to copy him as best she could with her chubby little legs.
“Space is boring,” she declared, “There’s nothing to do.”
Juno set the files aside, silently accepting that he wouldn’t be getting back to them anytime soon, “Nothing? Nothing at all?”
“Nope,” his daughter gave a forlorn sigh, “Nothing at all.”
“Well then,” Juno shrugged, sinking down into the sofa so they were level even if it would be murder on his back later, “We’ll just have to think of something to do, won’t we, kiddo?”
Bee Bee giggled, “Yes. What was mama doing?”
“Oh,” Juno looked to the files he’d piled on the arm of the sofa, “Nothing interesting. Just looking into cases where other people have tried to do the same job we’re going to do.”
“And what happened to them?”
Juno winced. It wasn’t as if their daughter was unaware of the dangers they faced in their line of work. Pirates weren’t exactly famous for operating within the confines of the law, even in her storystreams. And since she’d been born, she’d seen her daddy at work, often getting a birds eye view of it all from a wrap slung across his chest.
“Well. Jail mostly,” he admitted, knowing he didn’t have to hide the truth from her even if it didn’t feel good to.
“Huh,” Bee Bee hardly blinked, swinging her legs, “Well, Auntie Buddy’s way way smarter than all of them. And Auntie Vespa is faster and Auntie Rita is better and Uncle Jet is cooler and my daddy is the best at stealing ever ever in the whole galaxy. And my mama’s the best detective. So we’ll do just fine.”
Juno grinned, reaching over and stroking back her curls, “Yeah. We’ll do just fine.”
“So can I help Mama? With being a detective?” her eyes sparked excitedly.
He knew that look, once her mind was fixed on something she’d follow it to the far side of the universe. She was like her daddy in that. But she wouldn’t exactly find much interest in going through old case files that somehow managed to make jewel heists sound boring. Though the tactics these failed thieves had used didn’t have an awful lot of pizzaz to them. Probably why they’d flopped, or at least that’s what Buddy would say.
“You know what?” Juno snapped his fingers like he’d just had a fantastic idea, “You’re just the kid I need for this very important case!”
“I am!” Bianca beamed, not a question. She had perfect confidence in her own abilities.
“It’s a classic head scratcher, kiddo,” Juno announced grandly, mostly to stall for time while he decided just what this case was going to be, “I’ve been at it for years and I’ve never been able to crack it but with your pluckiness and my brains we might just solve the case of...uh...the case of daddy’s missing glasses!”
Bee Bee gasped appreciatively, “Daddy’s always losing his glasses!”
“He is,” Juno snorted, “And we’ve got to go help him, right?”
“Right!” she jumped onto her feet, bouncing up onto the couch cushions and promptly tumbling, Juno just about managing to catch her. It didn’t seem to diminish her enthusiasm, as her legs windmilled wildly, “Let’s go!”
“Okay,” Juno grinned, “Well, first thing is to examine the scene of the crime and…”
“No, mama!” Bee Bee frowned, looking at him like he was profoundly stupid, “First thing is to dress up.”
“Of course. My mistake.”
Apparently no detective work could be done until Bianca was wearing her mama’s old coat, the one he’d hung onto for sentimental reasons even after he’’d been unable to really call himself a detective. And long after the leather had worn on the elbows and there were none of the original buttons left on it.
It needed to be rolled up quite a few times to even get the tips of her fingers poking out of the sleeves and the bottom of it looked like a mad kind of wedding train but Bee Bee grinned in delight and it was pretty good to see the old thing getting some use again.
“Now we go to the scene of the crime,” she declared, waving her arms, “Daddy and mama’s room!”
“Come on then, co-detective,” Juno laughed, “Lead the way.”
If Nureyev was surprised to see them burst through the door, it didn’t show on his face. He didn’t scare easily. He only smiled and tilted his head, quickly shoving the book on pregnancy he’d been reading far under Juno’s pillow. They weren’t quite ready to broach that subject with Bianca yet.
“Hello, my loves,” he hummed, “What adventures are we on today?”
“We’re playing detective!” Bee Bee toddled up, clambering on the bed to give him a quick hug before anything else, “Going to find your glasses.”
“Oh could you!” Nureyev smiles pleasantly, “It does seem I’ve misplaced them again, reading is something of a chore without them.”
Juno arched an eyebrow at his husband, “You wouldn’t possibly be deliberately reading that book without your glasses so you could claim you have while not retaining any information or looking at any of the diagrams?”
“An outlandish notion,” Nureyev flicked his fingers at him airily, turning his attention to Bianca who was now crawling around the bed, bent over so she could scrutinise every inch of the sheets like a bloodhound with a scent, “Please, dear little detective, will you take my case?”
“We on the case, daddy!” Bee Bee assured him, hurrying over to give him a hug, now just because she wanted to, “We’ll find the glasses.”
“You gotta question the witness,” Juno advised, “Build a timeline.”
Bee Bee nodded, looking up at Nureyev with a sudden fierce seriousness, “What is your timeline, daddy?”
He couldn’t help but smile down at her as he pretended to think, “Let’s see...well, I went to the kitchen for breakfast...then I had to collect some floorplans from Buddy’s office, I read them over in the family room with my wife...then I had an appointment with the physician. Then I came here to have a nap and do my assigned reading.”
Juno rolled his eyes at that last one.
“We’ll track 'em down!” Bee Bee declared, barrelling off the bed onto the ground. Again, her mama only just managed to catch her, “Come on, Detective Mama! Before the trail goes cold!”
Juno chuckled, pausing briefly to lean down and kiss Nureyev, before he followed his daughter, not needing to hurry too much, one of his strides matching about five of hers.
Their trail through the ship took them most of the rest of the afternoon, clattering through the winding corridors, the two of them making up wild twists and turns whenever suited them, inventing new characters, dastardly schemes that had happened off screen, speculating wildly on new threats. Buddy of course joined in enthusiastically, she was a regular and beloved playmate of Bianca’s. Just searching her room turned into a frantic search to disarm a bomb left by this mysterious glasses thief, a bomb that turned out to be in Buddy’s chest which could only be fixed by a hug from a plucky little detective.
Vespa was less willing, they caught her in the middle of disinfecting all of her scalpels. But even she wasn’t immune to Bee Bee’s charms, eventually playing her role with grudging grace. And Juno was able to get a quick whispered update on Nureyev’s check up, feeling a little better that it wasn’t just him and his husband who knew, that he had someone to offload all his anxiety on, the same anxiety he was trying to shield said husband from.
Even better, they ran into Rita in the kitchen and the game then swerved happily into the wildest corners of two vast imaginations, going off on a tangent that somehow involved werewolves, a falling moon and a galaxy wide ring of prolific glasses thieves (it turned out Rita had lost her pair too, though they did turn out to be perched on top of her head).
It was when Bee Bee was rolling happily around on the floor that she suddenly froze and squealed in triumph. She bounded up to the side table next to the old, sagging sofa, less than an inch from where Juno had been sitting earlier.
“Here! Here’s the glasses!”
Sure enough, there was a pair of cat eye spectacles on a silver chain resting there. Even Juno couldn’t raise much of a grump when he realised they’d been inches from their goal at the very start of the job. Some cases just worked out that way.
“We’ll have to take them back to your daddy, huh?” he panted, collapsing next to his daughter on the sofa. Somewhere along the way he’d picked up glitter on his black turtleneck, a rubber glove from the infirmary stretched over his head like a mad hat and one of Buddy’s scarves wound around his neck.
“Yes! And then get paid,” Bee Bee nodded, making Juno slightly nervous about what sort of payment she was going to demand. She’d asked to be paid in ice cream last time they’d played this game.
She plopped down next to her mama, leaning against his arm, adding more glitter to his favourite jumper, “Mama? I don’t think daddy is very happy right now. I think something’s up.”
Juno froze, “Uh...what makes you say that, kiddo?”
“Well…” Bee Bee wrinkled her nose, “He just seems...floppy. Always flopping on you and he looks pale and he doesn’t sleep good, mama. I think he’s sick.”
Juno tried to keep his face carefully neutral, “Your daddy’s fine, honey, I promise.”
“Hmm,” she replied, in that way she had that let him know she didn’t believe him in the slightest, “But it’s okay. Because we found his glasses and that’s gonna make him happy. And then we’ll help him more and we’ll do detective and find his happy.”
Juno relaxed, wrapping his arm around her, “Oh yeah?”
Bee Bee beamed and nodded, “Cos I’m the best detective ever! And mama helps!”
Juno sat back, laughing mostly to himself.
“You know what, kiddo? I thought I was pretty good but I think you really might be the best ever.”
#the penumbra podcast#juno steel#peter nureyev#jupeter#fluff#please reblog and comment if you like this!#tw: trans pregnancy
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I don't know if this would be considered offensive or a type of appropriation but it's not my intention. If it's any of the above I'll scrap the idea all together.
So in Nioh 1 and 2 you get guardian spirits to take with you and since Nioh 2 has cc I obviously made my OCs. Now, I've been pairing each OC with a guardian I think suits them. On paper at least since gameplay wise it ain't really wise especially if a fight is really hard. Also gotta take builds into consideration.
Loke absolutely loves birds so they fit well with Yatagarasu, Ame-no-Mitori, Ho, Ho-oh, Oh and any other bird guardian. As well as Nine Tails as I associate Loke with foxes. I have no explanation for that tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I just see a fox and instantly think of them.
Jelani goes well with Shin-Roku which is a buck and I associate bucks and stags with her. Again I have no real explanation for this. I just see bucks, stags, moose, reindeer and goats and I instantly think of her. She also gets Yatagarasu cuz it's a crow and Skyrim Jela has Dagny which is a crow. I also use Hakutaku cuz goat and a pretty charming one at that tbh. Shirohami as well cuz it's a big ol' snake and Jelani has a big ol' pet snake named Dagny.
For Ginger I her usibg Kagewani cuz sharks are her most favorite animal and the dragons Blue Dragon, Mizuchi and the DLC one cuz she loves those scaly fuckers. Also Yaonami-Hime since it's a mermaid.
For sure Itokuri for Abigail because she absolutely loves spiders. I think another good fit for her is Genbu. She's the "weird pets" lesbian I guess you could say.
Trevor's the cat lover of the group so for him it would be Hyobishin (black panther) and Nekomata (house cat).
Angelus gets Okuri-Inu (dog), Makami (wolf), Usura-Hicho (group of butterflies), Janomecho (moth) and Gyokuto (rabbit).
However, I've been thinking up other guardians that suit them all better. Sure, Angelus and dogs is a great mix but I'd make a manta ray one for him and maybe even a white-throated magpie.
Jelani's favorite animal is the otter so I'd make an otter for her.
Loke's fine with all the birds but I'd make a pigeon for them because pigeons are their favorite bird.
For Trevor I totally see a saber-toothed cat for sure!
A snail for Abigail! Yeah, she's more of a spider lover but snails are so cuuuuuute and she loves them as well!
A sea dragon with shark features for Ginger. Or maybe a bat? Is that too on the nose? A vampire with a bat guardian? Lol
Mason absolutely loves rabbits so his would be a jackalope. Cryptid guardian eeeyyyyy.
I say "I wanna draw x thing" a lot and never do but I'd totally wanna draw them.
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Started playing a dnd campaign with friends as an elf wizard.
Here’s a list of things that happened in our first session:
“I have no idea how this works”
“Do we have names?” “No...” “Ok everyone, pull up a fantasy name generator!”
“My character’s pronouns are fish. I will be named after an unsexy fish”
“My name is Elf. No last name” GM “I will make you commit to that”
Upon getting attacked by goblins, I rolled a 20 and 8 (max values possible) on an ice spell that 1hko’d one of them. Immediately used this opportunity to say “insert sparkly lesbian prince I just saved you flirty line here”
Took an almost fatal arrow wound directly after. Our dwarf cleric requires physical contact heal. Does the “Yuri intertwined fingers thing”
Halfling rogue member says we should sell the frozen goblin as meat.
I cast a sleep spell on the last remaining goblin and we have a prisoner
This entire conversation:
GM: “he’s not going to talk without some persuasion”
Me: “Persuasion? So I’ve got ‘burning hands’ in my spell list here...”
*wheezing laughter*
GM: “Ok, but you used two spells already so you’re out of spell slots.”
Me: “Oh ok. Then under cantrips, I’ve also got ‘shocking grasp’. Can i use that whenever?”
*wheezing laughter intensifies*
GM: “......Yes. You can do that.”
Me: “Hey you gave me a super convenient spell list.”
GM: “Ok this will cause damage and he’s at 2 HP, I’m just warning you.”
Goblin meat is now a running joke
“I sure hope this doesn’t kill him” *rolls a 1* “Yeah!”
Snails
Cragmaw hideout
“You killed Jerry!” “It was self-defense!”
We let the goblin go and he runs for his life
I am delegated to freezer duty. (Gotta keep that goblin meat fresh!)
GM does her best at accents
Trade outpost owner Doctor Strange
*high-pitched little boy screams because there’s a dead body in the cart*
We got paid
That’s as far as we got but yeah, I’m dead set on being as gay and chaotic as physically possible. We all are. It was a real good time.
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Interview Tag!
the rules are to answer questions and tag some blogs you are contractually obligated to know better
thanks for tagging me @evynessence! you actually tagged my other blog @wellbelesbian too, so i’ll answer for both.
gender: woman
star sign: aries
height: 5’ 1”
current time: 1:37 pm
birthday: april 6th
favourite bands: I Don’t Know How But They Found Me, The Mechanisms, My Chemical Romance, The Oh Hellos, Queen
favourite solo artists: Hozier, Mika, King Princess
last show you binged: It’s A Sin (watch it it’s so good!!)
when you created your blog: i created this account in early 2018 i think, and my sideblog about a year later
last thing you googled: cone snail. i wanted to know what they looked like after i saw a post about how they can kill you. i actually have one of their shells
why i chose my url: Nausicäa is a character from the Odyssey who i had just read about and really liked. as for my other account, well, i just think it would be neat if Agatha was a lesbian.
how many people are you following: 290
how many followers do you have: 200 here, 223 on my sideblog
average hours of sleep: 10, i go to bed at like 2am then wake up at 12pm, even though it isn’t good practice
lucky number: i have three, 6, 8 and 16. i’m still pissed about they time i played roulette and thought to put everything i had left on 16, then thought that’s stupid and only put a quarter of it on, and then it landed on 16 -_-
instruments: none, i learned a bit of keyboard/piano years ago, but i don’t remember any of it
favourite food: salt and pepper chicken, but a specific one from my local takeaway, or enchiladas, which i’m making tonight
favourite song: From The Gallows by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me
dream trip: usually i’d say i want to go to Rome or Athens for the history, or Poland with my grandad since we’ve always wanted to go together, but after lockdown all i want to do is go on a weekend long trip to Whitby with my friends, pop into some hidden back-alley gothic shops, and eat fish and chips 😭
what i’m currently wearing: my pyjamas. yes it’s half one, but i woke up an hour ago and i’m lazy.
dream job: i really want to own a little lgbt+ centric bookshop/cafe
nationality: English
i tag @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire @grumpytrans @shemakesmeforget @waywardlesbian @charles-watford @i-wanna-do-something @great-skies1 @i-regret-my-old-url @nevergonnacallmedarling @sunshinesalmon @xivz @effing-numpties and @satsukii
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Do you have any songs for the TF2 Mercs? Sort've like their theme or just songs when you listen you think of them?
Sorry this took a bit, I needed to find some good songs! I'm such a huge fan of music (I don't really want a career in making it or anything, I just really like it!) So I'm gonna give each character 5 songs each, but seeing as I'm not as in-tune with a few of them… this was a bit hard to put together, but I think I’m fairly happy with the results!
Engineer: Cabinet Man - Lemon Demon : That's Okay - The Hush Sound : Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin : Rooster - Alice in Chains : Old Town Road - Lil Nas X. The first song is a bit out of place, but I like to think Engie is just a lil’ more in love with his work than most folk. Other than that song, I tried choosing a few softer songs as well as country ones, or just ones that reminded me of him. I hope you’ll like them!
Demoman: The Beer - Kimya Dawson : High Hopes - Panic! At The Disco : Gasoline - Halsey : Amsterdam - Imagine Dragons : Hey, Asshole - Watsky. I’m not as knowledgeable of Demo’s lore, but from what I’ve read, I really like him, and I think he could relate with a few more depressing songs, while still wanting to blast some happy tunes! A lot of contrast with these songs, but I think they fit Demo well!
Soldier: Popopo - Steampianist : Burn - Admiral Fallow : The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke : The House That Heaven Built - Japandroids : This is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars. A lot of war related songs, as well as just songs about wanting to be greater than you are, even when it’s hard. That’s the sort of vibe I get from Soldier- you know, other than being Feral- and I tried to incorporate those things into this mini playlist!
Medic: Touch-Tone Telephone - Lemon Demon : Control - Halsey : Lent - Autoheart : When You're Evil - Voltaire : Handlebars - Flobot. I like to call Medic’s mini playlist “I’m Feral and I Don’t Care How You Feel About it!” All in all, very dramatic and vicious playlist, but let’s be real, that pretty much sums up Medic as a whole.
Heavy: Kids - MGMT : Idioteque - Radiohead : Zombie - The Cranberries : Your Best American Girl - Mitski : Work Song - Hozier : The Call - Regina Spektor. I struggled a lot with Heavy’s playlist, as I have a bit of trouble trying to get who he is as a character, but at the end of the day, I think he cares deeply for his family and teammates, and would enjoy songs about working hard, trying to fit in, and tragic childhoods.
Pyro: Little Game - Benny : Billions of Eyes - Lady Lamb and the Beekeeper : Edge of Town - Middle Kids : Elevator Operator - Courtney Barnett. Very happy go lucky playlist for the most part, with a pinch of LGBT undertones from the first song. I dunno, I just want Pyro to be happy!
Sniper: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland : Johnny Boy - Twenty One Pilots : Future Me Hates Me - The Beths : Lemon Boy - Cavetown : Fill in the Blank - Car Seat Headrest. Oof ouch, the bushman be depressed and honestly I feel that on an emotional level. Lots of sad songs, but with a hint of Sniper wanting to feel better and work hard!
Spy: Pigeon - Cavetown : Not the Ghost - The Crane Wives : Problems - Mother Mother : When I'm Gone - Eminem : Tarifa - Sharon Van Etten. Now we’re in the big leagues (aka why I made this 5 for each and not just 3); I get the feeling that Spy is rather self-destructive, at least when it comes to forming relationships, and I tried to convey that through my song choices, as well as songs about wanting to be there for someone *cough* his son *cough*.
Scout: Devil Town V3 - Cavetown : peacefall - Purity Ring : Hey, Ma - Bon Iver : Squealing Pigs - Admiral Fallow : Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons. As usual when answering Scout questions, I project, but hey, I think this time it’s pretty valid! Most of the themes for Scout’s playlist are about growing up, and the unwillingness to, as well as dealing with frustration and homesickness.
BONUS Miss Pauling: Help - Pink Guy : Pristine - Snail Mail : Don't Let's Start - They Might Be Giants : Today Today - Jack Stauber : Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko. Gay rights (I think it’s canon that she’s a lesbian??? Man I gotta read the fucking comics). Bit of depression paired with women being badass af in this playlist!
BONUS The Administrator: Oh No! - Marina and the Diamonds : Matilda - alt-J : Big God - Florence and the Machine : Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin : Army of Me - Björk. I may as well have asked the Administrator to step on me with this playlist; lot’s of selfishness and a longing for power for her songs!
BONUS Scout's Mom: My Mom - Kimya Dawson : Fast Car - Tracy Chapman : Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Stars : I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons : 1985 - Bowling For Soup. Gosh, I miss my mom... anyways, I think Scout’s mom is a good mama, and even though I also think she’s been through a lot, she still loves her kid and husband, even if they’re far from home at the moment!
I went a bit overboard, didn’t I? Oh well, this was very fun to do, so thank you so much for the ask!
#supercasey askies#anonomi#tf2#tf2 headcanons#tf2 engineer#tf2 engie#tf2 demoman#tf2 demo#tf2 soldier#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#tf2 pyro#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tf2 scout#tf2 ms pauling#tf2 miss pauling#tf2 administrator#tf2 scout's mom#tf2 mercs
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