#kings tide got me feeling things :((
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end of the line, kiddo
#kings tide got me feeling things :((#dana terrace has my heart in her hands#and im ok with that#toh spoilers#the owl house#eda clawthorne#king clawthorne#luz noceda#art#fanart
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My King
Series summary: Your parents signed you up for an Alpha Omega Match company when you were eighteen. It took years for them to find your match, but you meet the giant austrian man. Will he be a good partner?
Chapter summary: You are settling in to living in a new country. Your Alpha wants to show you how important you are to him.
Pairing: König x Fem Reader
Warnings: A/B/O dynamics (Never use this abbreviation without the slashes it is an indigenous slur) 18+ MDNI (no others for this chapter)
Word count: 3.4k
Genre: Mostly Fluff a little angst here and there.
A/n: Oh my GOD. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't believe the amount of love this fic is getting. I just had to write another chapter for you guys asap. I have a taglist so comment if you'd like to join it.
Previous Chapter
Chapter Two:
You sigh as you take in the barren state of your room. All that was left was boxes and your suitcases. Your mom is going to send the rest of your belongings after you arrive in Amsterdam. You were sad to leave your childhood home and your parents but, excited to see what the future holds. Especially now that you have a very sweet Alpha taking care of you. As much as you hate to admit it, your inner Omega has longed for this day. You still couldn't shake the nerves of moving to a completely different country. The AOMO assisted you with your visa which was easy to get approved for. Countries were more lenient with citizenship when it came to obtaining a mate. You haven't seen König in about a week. He went back to Amsterdam to prepare for your arrival. A knock sounded at your door before it opened.
“You ready?” Your Dad asked, moving to grab your suitcases for you.
“Yeah.” You followed him out of the room.
Your Mother was standing near the door, her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill. You went over and hugged her.
“My baby girl, moving out. I'm gonna miss you.”
“I'll come visit, don't worry.”
“You better.” Your dad called an Uber to get to the airport.
The drive was silent besides the quiet radio in the background. The airport was busy. This was your first time flying by yourself, you took a deep breath to calm your nerves. You gave your mother and father one last hug before to went to check your bags. Your mother shed a tear and adjusted your protection collar again, urging you to be safe. You bid them goodbye and headed to check your bags and go through security. Once you made it to your gate your phone vibrated. You didn't recognize the number.
'Hello liebe, It is König. Kara has given me your number.'
'I am not used to texting, I text no one. Are you at the plane?'
Your heart jumped with excitement hearing from him.
'Hi König, I am at my gate. It boards in about an hour I think.'
'Wonderful, I will be waiting for you when you arrive.'
'See you then.'
You suppressed a squeal as you put your phone away. Your inner Omega was getting a little out of hand with her feelings about him. You felt like a middle schooler with a crush. You distracted yourself by using the bathroom and buying some expensive airport snacks to tide you over on the ride. It was a seven-hour overnight flight set to arrive at eleven am Netherlands time. Once you boarded the plane you got comfortable for the long flight. You brought a blanket from home and a neck pillow. Kara set you up with a window seat. As you took off you silently said goodbye to the big city and hello to your new future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You woke as the lights of the plane cabin turned on. The flight attendants told everyone to prepare for landing. You gathered your things and gazed out your window. The city was lush, the leaves were turning slightly as fall rolled in. Your heart pounded against your chest with excitement, your Omega desperately wanted to see König. You still had to go through customs and baggage claim.
König wasn't much better. Throughout the week he had distracted himself by cleaning and buying things for your arrival, but that did little to quell the Alpha in him. He brought new bedding for your nest. He didn't know what kind you'd like so he got a little bit of everything. Fluffy faux fur blankets, cooling quilts, silk sheets, you name it. He also started putting aside t-shirts he has worn in case you wanted them for your nest. His apartment had two bedrooms, one of which he never used. It had a bed and that was about it. Although he desperately wanted you to sleep in his bed, he knew Omegas needed their space to nest and feel at home. He furnished the room with a desk, nightstand, dresser, and TV. He would leave the decorating up to you as that has never been his strong suit. He waited outside of baggage claim tapping his foot anxiously. He had arrived entirely too early but couldn't stand to sit in his apartment any longer.
Customs went by smoothly. You scanned the conveyor belts for your luggage. The longer the wait was the more your heart pounded. You were starting to sweat making your scent waft to the people around you. You moved to a corner with fewer people to avoid the annoyed looks people would give you. Your luggage finally made its round in the rotunda and you snatched it as fast as you could. You walked outside to the pickup area the sun blinding you for a moment as you looked around. You inhaled deeply trying to pinpoint König's scent. The faint smell of bread and cinnamon entered your nose through the breeze. You looked to the left seeing a familiar mop of hair behind a black SUV. He was too tall not to be the Alpha you were looking for. You walked up to him his back turned to you.
“König.” You said happily.
He turned to you surprised. “You're here.”
König was trying to contain his excitement. His inner alpha pressured him to pick you up, to hold you. As if reading his mind, you hugged him. He wrapped his arms around you, dwarfing you. He bent down resting his nose in your hair, savoring your scent. You looked up at him keeping your arms around his waist. He had his black surgical mask on.
“I'm so happy to see you.”
“I spent every day thinking of you liebe.”
He reluctantly released the embrace and opened the passenger side door for you. You sat in the car and watched him load your luggage into the trunk. He slid into the driver's seat glancing at you before pulling off onto the road. His scent sweetened the longer he was in your presence.
“How was the flight?” He asked.
“It was easy, I just slept.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, I could eat.”
König reached behind your seat to the back and grabbed a white paper bag. He handed it to you all without taking his eyes off the road. Inside was a croissant and a peach Danish.
“Oh thank you König. You really know the way to woo me.” You chuckled taking a bite of the Danish.
He responded with 'hmm' and a content smile. The ride was about thirty minutes. You gazed out the window taking in the sights of your new city. Many people rode bikes and there were endless cafes. König parallel parked onto a quiet residential block. You got out of the car taking in your surroundings. The houses were all unique in color and style. Only one person was walking down the street. König unloaded your bags and put them on the sidewalk. You went to grab them but he shooed your hands away. He locked the car and started walking. The house he led you to was a brick home with a few steps leading to the foyer. He opened the door and let you walk inside first before carrying your bags in with ease. You walked up the two flights of stairs.
“The door is open.” König said from behind you.
The second door came into view and you opened the door for him. He sets your bags down and closes the door behind him. The apartment was furnished but bland. Not much decor or color. It was obvious he doesn't spend much time here as it did not look lived in.
“Come.” He said leading you down the small hallway.
He opened the first door, it was the bathroom. Quite large for an apartment bathroom, you were excited to use the tub. He then lead you to the second door it was a nice furnished bedroom there were a lot of shopping bags near the bed.
“This is your room. I brought nesting material for you but, I was not sure what you liked.”
You walked in. The natural light of the morning flooded into the room through the large windows. The building was high enough that you had a decent view of the neighborhood.
“König, you didn't have to buy all these for me.”
“Nonsense.”
You smiled. “Thank you, Alpha.”
König's heart thumped against his chest. He didn't expect you to use his title so soon, but he was over the moon.
“You're welcome Omega.” He purred.
Your Omega preened at the title. Although the situation was new, you felt safe and cared for. You started opening some of the bedding to assess them for your new nest. There was a large dark blue comforter with matching silk sheets. You knew you should focus on unpacking but the temptation to build your nest was too high. König watched you from the door with adoration. He was proud of himself for making his Omega feel happy and safe. He brought your luggage into your room to unpack whenever you were ready.
You were completely engrossed in your nest you didn't realize König was watching you. You took off your shoes and jacket and started arranging the sheets first to have a silky base. Then you used the quilts as a border before you could arrange it properly your phone started ringing, taking you out of the daze you were in. You reached for your phone in your jacket pocket. It was your mom.
“Mom it's so early there you didn't have to call now.”
“I know sweetie I just was paranoid. Did you arrive safe?”
“I did, I'm at König's now.”
“Oh, great ok that's all I was worried about. I'm gonna head back to sleep. I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too Mom”
You hung up the phone and looked around at the mess of packaging on the floor. You were debating whether you should continue making your nest or clean your mess up. Sensing your internal struggle König spoke.
“Let's unpack Schatz.”
“Oh, right.”
You unzipped your suitcases and started sorting things into the dresser and closet. You instructed König to put your toiletries in the bathroom and put your clothes in certain drawers. He was happy to help, spending time with his Omega was the most important thing to him. König was given a little over three months' leave to settle with his Omega. After Christmas, he had to go back on missions. The thought made his heart ache. He shook off the negative feelings before she could pick up on anything, not wanting her to worry. König picked up the packaging placing it in one of the shopping bags. He went to the kitchen to throw it away.
Now that he was here he did not know what to do. Does he give her space? Should he take her out? König wants to spend as much time as possible with her, but he did not want to be overbearing. Before he could overthink, he heard you calling him. Walking into your room he saw you kneeling on the bed.
“Take off your shoes and come I want to test something.” You said.
He obliged, taking his shoes off. You waved him over to your unfinished nest. He stepped up to you hesitantly not wanting to cross any boundaries with your nest. You grabbed his hand and made him lie down. König stiffened not wanting to ruin anything. He has never been invited into an Omega's nest before. You started arranging your nesting materials around him. Once you got a good sense of how many blankets you needed for both of you to be comfy, you released him. He sat up carefully trying not to disturb anything that you arranged. He was honored that you'd feel comfortable just being in the room while you created your space.
While making your nest you noticed how barren the room was. You wanted it to be warm and cozy. You looked up at König.
“Let's go shopping, Alpha. Can we?”
“Sure, liebe.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
König was surprised you had so much energy after your night of travel. You took in the scenery of the local shops. You slipped your hand into Konigs and led him into a home decor shop. König let himself be dragged around as you browsed. Every shop they went into you picked up small things. A wall mirror, a pretty tapestry, a cute frog statue, you had to have it. One of the shops you walked into sold Omega protection collars. You sighed.
“I wouldn't mind wearing mine as much if it looked better.”
The shop made custom-fit metal collars. There was a beautiful gold metal collar with a dangle charm in the center. It came down to a point near the clavicle. Contrary to your basic black leather one.
“Would you like this one?” König asked.
“Oh, no it's expensive.”
You moved to walk out of the shop but you felt a hand on your waist stop you. König pulled you back to him gently and waved over the sales associate.
“Can she try this one on?” The worker nodded and took the collar out of the case.
You removed your collar with the key you kept in your wallet and let the worker place the gold one on you. You looked in the mirror and smiled. It complimented you in the best way, simple yet elegant. The worker explained that they do custom fittings that take a few days to make but it's worth it. You removed the collar and handed it back.
“She would like to get fitted.” König said suddenly.
“What? No König really it's too much.”
“Just in case.”
“In case what?”
He didn't answer. The worker did a few measurements around your neck and the size and placement of your scent glands, writing them down on a form. After they were done they bid the both of you goodbye and looked forward to your order.
“I don't think I'm gonna get it.” You told König.
“It's too much...” You added
“That's ok.” He said.
He placed his arm around your waist as you walked, holding your shopping bags in the other hand. You had a feeling he was planning something but you let it go for the time being.
By the time you got home, it was getting dark. König placed your shopping bags into your room. You yawned.
“You should sleep liebe, you've had a busy day.” König said.
“Yeah, I'll head to bed early so I can finish my nest.” You stretched your back and walked to your room. König followed behind you heading to his room. He grabbed your wrist spinning you back toward him. His other hand caressed your cheek while leaning down to your level. He pulled down his mask revealing his plump lips.
“Goodnight Omega.” He kissed your cheek.
König felt it was only right to return the kiss you gave him before. He let the kiss linger for a few seconds before pulling away. Heat crept from your neck to your cheeks. König walked to his room smiling to himself. You leaned against your door, heart racing. You opened the door, your inner Omega was reeling from your Alpha's attention. Your alpha? You were completely smitten by the giant Apex. You closed the door, changed into pajamas, and jumped into your nest. You sighed into the pillows, fantasizing about your Alpha. You began adjusting your nest to your liking. It ended up taking you an hour to make it perfect, keeping in mind the space for König. You'd never made a nest with someone else in mind but it was nice. You got cozy and let sleep take over.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Light entered your room slowly waking you. You looked at your phone, it was 6:04 am. You sat up and stretched, happy that you beat the jetlag. Wondering if König was awake, you quietly stepped out of your room and down the hallway to his room. You knocked gently. König was a light sleeper. He heard your small footsteps before you knocked and went to open the door. He looked down at your face still flushed with sleep.
“Good morning.” You said, absentmindedly rubbing your eyes.
König purred deeply. You looked so cute in your PJs he wanted to pull you into his bed., for more than just cuddling. He leaned down and kissed your forehead.
“Morning Schatz.” He guided you down the hallway to the kitchen.
“I can make us pancakes for breakfast.” You suggested.
“Sounds wonderful.”
König watched you flit around the kitchen. The kitchen was barely used because of his job, so it was nice seeing it get used. Your head snapped to the alpha when you realized he was watching you.
“Go sit, I'll bring it to you.”
König nodded and sat on the couch. He turned on the TV as he waited and listened to the kitchen utensils clanging in the background. A few minutes later you emerged with a plate for him topped with syrup. He took the plate and looked at the food quizzically.
“What's wrong?” you asked.
“These...are pancakes?” He analyzed the fluffy discs.
“Yeah, are pancakes different here?” He nodded.
“I'll try them.” He carved out a bite with his fork. You watched him intensely.
“How is it?”
“...Sweet, but good.” He said.
You smiled and went to get yourself a plate. You plopped down next to him on the couch and you took a bite. You watched the random movie he put on as you ate, feeling perfectly content with your Alpha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later, you were on the couch typing away on your laptop working on your next chapter. König was struggling to find something to do with himself. He wanted to give you space to write, but desperately wanted to spend time with you. He understood that your job was time sensitive. He was lucky to have you here at all. You heard König pacing behind you causing you to lose your concentration. You got up and went to your room. You rummaged through your suitcase, finding a copy of your fantasy novel. You walked up to König and handed him the book before returning to your spot on the couch. He appeared next to you on the couch glancing over the blurb.
“I thought I had to buy a copy?” He said.
“Well, you need something to do.” You chuckled.
You two fell into a comfortable silence with König's mind now occupied. After a while, you glanced at the Alpha. He was engrossed in the pages well into the starting plot.
“How is it so far?”
“So good Schatz. I have not read a novel in a long time, I like it.”
“I'm glad.”
König bent the corner of the page he was on and closed the book. You nearly felt your heart jumped out of your chest.
“Ah! König!!!” You grabbed the book and attempted to straighten the corner out.
“This is a book sin!” You exclaimed.
“Oh? But I have no bookmark.” He gave you an amused look.
“Ok just ask for one I have many!” You pouted.
“The book isn't hurt.”
“How do you know?”
König laughed. It was so genuine and hearty that you almost forgot what you were upset about. You turned away and set the book page-side down. König's laughter died down and he looked at you.
“You're adorable, Schatz.”
“Hmph.” You said.
König reached around cupping your cheek. You turned to him. It was surprising to see his face a couple of inches away from yours. His eyes were soft as they gazed into yours, he looked down at your lips before capturing yours in a chaste kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed, leaning into the kiss. Your bottom lip slotted in between his in the most delicious way. He pulled away, resting his forehead on yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him again. One of his hands slithered around your waist pulling you flush against his torso. The other hand firmly gripped the side of your jaw.
Your heart pounded so loud you swear he could hear it.
König smiled against your lips. He finally had his Omega.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Lord Of The Tides
Yan!One-Eyed!Lucerys Velaryon x Niece!Reader
╰･ﾟ✧☽ the best girl @madame-fear requested this from me and I love the way her mind works. She’s my wife- so I hope I make her happy with this one.
╰･ﾟ✧☽ words: 3k
╰･ﾟ✧☽ warnings: targ’cest, lucerys being a bit different because he’s older, he also losses a eye, yandere behavior, slight dark themes, and slight mature themes (sexual), but no smut, and if there is a mistake about him having two eyes—Shh.
“were you scared?” the spoon in your hand scratched the bottom of the cup in your hand, and the sound of your heels clinking on the floor boards below were soft but could be heard around the room. even if it was only the two of you, the room was full in your eyes. “greatly. I was young and naive but I loved my brother, but I was too slow to reach towards the knife. Aemond had me beat in length, and that’s how,” his fingers moved upward to the black patch on his eye. He didn’t look ashamed of it like he did all thoses years ago before you were born, his body grew and so did his mind.
“I remember the story sounding much more…action packed as a child. Don’t get me wrong, uncle, you are the bravest man I ever met,” his chest filled with pride as the words fell from your dusted pink lips, “but I do recall you saying you road in on a dragon?” The sly smile on your cheeks was the only thing he recognized about you now. It’s been a few years since he had seen you, or took notice really. he was trying to fulfill his duty to study on how to be the next “lord of the tides” and he took it seriously.
glancing upon you now for the first time in years, he could see the beautiful woman you’ve became. perfect body that filled out your dress perfectly while showing just the right amount of skin but enough to leave any eyes yarning for more. you had matured more then well. In this moment he couldn’t pull his eye away from you, he was desperate to look at you for as long as he could. you were magnificent. “Would that enthrall you?” his teasing tone and brow arch made you flush in embarrassment.
“Would make the story a lot better, uncle.” you raise the cup to your lips and took a quiet sip while holding eye contact with him. the few seconds of silence had your stomach tingling and blood pumping faster. there was no secret from a young age you had a crush on your kind uncle. He had given you attention and made you laugh while teaching you stories and knowledge. It was just a silly crush that had you staying up late at night thinking of his smile years later.
“I suppose your right.” he broke eye contact to chuckle and lean forward to grab a soft pastry from the table. “Tell me, what has it been like while I was away? Has my brother learned anything about being future king?” His tone was off. Almost sounding as if he was belittling your father, or making fun of him. You stood up straight and place the glass down on its plate.
“My father has been doing a great job. Our queen is training him well, or do you doubt your own mother?” his body stopped in time for a second with half his lips wrapped around the sugared sweet to stare at you. he couldn’t believe how fast you acted to defend your father and tried to make a fool out of himself. the look behind your eyes and the smile tugging at your lips he could tell you meant no true harm. only to play a little game.
“You have changed,” he tone shifted as his eye made sure to run its way up and down your body, making you squirm in your chair. “No longer a girl but a lady.” you hated how easy it was to feel drawn into him again. it was different now then it was back then, you had aches and desire only the dead of night could see and he was making it so hard to control them. “I was pleased when I got your letter even if I had little time to prepare for it. But there is one question on my mind: why?” the truth wasn’t something you could tell him in that moment. So you settled for something easy, and nothing like the full picture.
“I missed you. Castle life is wonderful, but you always showed me the fun of things.”
each day that went by he was drawn in closer by you, from your smell, to your smile, to the sound of your laugh that he caused. he tried to deny himself from the thought of you but you were already hammered into his mind once he saw you getting off your dragon merely days ago. It’s been a long while since he saw beauty like you, your intelligence mind and wit, or your able to be naive in hopes of a better world. the strength to hold himself back when you were just a few inches away from him was great. he wanted to hold you, to touch your soft kiss…to whisper into your ear—
“I don’t understand,” the sound of you voice awakened him from his day dreaming. you had not noticed his staring from being turned away from him. “This game is incredibly stupid.” the mallet in your hands swung a bit as you exhaled frustratingly. the colored balls scattered around the ground, non of them close to being where his were.
“I think you wanted me to fail,” you pouted you lips at the tall man. “It’s not my fault your losing my dear,” the nickname made your body clinch, “if you had listened to me-” the words shouting from your mouth interrupted him.
“I have been listening to you. But you’re somehow cheating.” it made him unbelievably amused to watch you huff and pout at losing a game you forced him to teach you. if he could, he’d steal that pout away from your lips and make you whine about something else. “Are you accusing me of something?” He leaned his arms on the mallet but leaning on his leg to stare at you with scrunched brows. you took a moment to find something to say but only muffled and gagged words came from your lips before you eventually gave up.  “No uncle, forgive me for my temperament.” You looked down at the yellow ball and glared down at it.
“It’s just utterly frustrating to loss when you’re already so far ahead of me,” you glanced back up and pointed to his, “I don’t like losing.” that was something you gained from both your parents if he was honest. jace never liked to lose a game or training, and your mother had a shorter temper he could only imagine how you’d act when you get heated. “Then we should keep playing until your good.” he turned back to hit the blue ball at his feet and cheers when he gets it through the metal bars. gods, he was going to kill you with his handsome smile.
It was heart wrenching to see his smile fade and his body tense days later, with his hand resting on the stone railing. it was a perfect day, the time you spent with him was still unmatched by the way he made you feel. the sun shining orange across the sky and bouncing off the both of you, making the other even more breathtaking to each other.
“What?” his voice rasped and dropped darker then you have heard it before. all ounce of happiness left his body and started to over flow with growing anger. “For how long?” the raise volume to his voice make you look down in guilt for some reason. he was mad at you for not telling him…but for reasons you did not know of. “Two months. Before I came he was set to stay in kindslanding to find our ground with one another,” you played with you finger tips. he took a deep breathe to stop himself from shouting at you any further. his sweet girl knew nothing of the pain it caused him to hear those words. to find out she was in fact not his.
“He’s sweet, and kind. A perfect match for the realm,” you look up at the orange sunset and feel the aching in your heart grow, “we are to be wed in three months.” grabbing the long glass of wine from beside you and bringing it up to your lips to take a big sip. you needed to drown out the doubts and fears you had somehow. lucerys fist tightened at the thought of another having you be their bride, to get to kiss you and share your bed every night. he was lord of the tides, he had the best fleet and army at sea, he could protect you, love you like you deserve- but this man got it just on a whim?
you are more precious to be sold for some on going alliance with a household- you deserved a prince.
“But,” you start again with hesitation and force yourself away from his eyes, “he is not the one I long for. Yes, he would be a good and faithful husband but my heart does not long for him.” the title belonged to the man you stood beside, the man who made your soul burn blighter. he stepped forward and your breath hitched and couldn’t keep your eyes away from him. the eyepatch on his face never made you fear him, not even once did the stories make you feel any less for him.
“Who does it long for?” He fell hushed as he stood even closer to you now, your bodies almost touching and you could almost feel the heat coming from him. you wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to belong to him- to marry him. but it was not to be so, your duty as the princess is to care for the kingdom the best you can and that is for your betrothal to the lord you barley knew to work. and not to the man you loved.
clearing your throat you step back away from him and force a smile your face. you clearly were imagining things and he was not pursuing your fantasies, or his own. “A chat for another time perhaps, it’s getting quite late wouldn’t you say? I need a good nights sleep for my travels tomorrow.” he had forgotten all about you leaving. time slips away with you here. how could he bring himself to part ways now after everything you brought him?
“Then I shall fair you goodnight,” before you could pull away his body moves forwards and his lips pressed against the hairline of your forehead. it was a few seconds long but the feeling made you overwhelmed in shock, you froze up. pulling away from you he took notice of your reaction and how tense you became, “slept well, my dear” he walked away with a curled smile towards his cheeks and leaving you standing there alone.
that night you toasted and turned in your sheets thinking of how his lips felt on your skin and your brain started to wander. how would it feel for him to kiss down your shoulder, or you lips and down your chest in his chambers at night. he had no wife to warm his bed, surely he must be lonely? but a man like him was definitely no stranger to the feeling of a lovers touch and you knew that for sure. the thoughts you had that night made you feel embarrassed to see him the next morning when you woke from the vivid dream you had.
you fixed your glove over your hands and made sure everything you need is tied on tight to your dragon. she squirms beneath your touch and if she could purr like a cat you know she would. lurcerys appreciates you carefully as your attention was not on him, he liked to see your face in shock because he found it adorable. “Leaving without a goodbye?” to his pleasure he was right. when you turned around at his voice spooked like a horse.
“I wasn’t sure you’d have time, it’s early.” you shifted awkwardly and covered yourself. he hummed along and walked closer and then inches by you. he stops before the scales of your dragon and slowly guides his palm over repeatedly along her body, makes her happy like it was you. even she enjoyed his company, much like her rider. “I’m sorry, I did not know how to say goodbye.” admitting the truth was harder once it was out for some reason. you didn’t want to look like a girl despite in love.
“This isn’t a goodbye, we will see each other again.” he gave one last pat and turned to face you again. he stood with his hands clasped together, his black outfit with golden accents shining in the morning sun, his dark brown hair reflecting just like the gold.
“I’m sure of it.”
Lucerys Velaryon was many things. a prince, a lord, a brave soldier trained, and powerful man with connections everywhere. he could pay his way through the slums and have anything he wanted done at the snap of his fingers. he never wished to see you in tears or upset, really, but that’s the way things happened. to even think of letting you suffer a marriage to— anyone but him was a taste worse then the gods could give. and it was tragic how the lord just ended up dead a few days later from being poisoned by one of his own cooks. he died in his mothers arms and his heart felt sorrow for her and only her.
you came running into his arms after you heard the news since he was the only one you could go to. of course you would, he planned it just right. so he kept you in a tight embrace as you cried into his chest while stoking your hair and whispering everything was going to be fine and you were too distraught to say anything. “just breathe sweet girl,” he whispered into your ear. you grabbed ahold of him and tried to calm your breathing but the hiccups messed you up. he hated seeing you like this but was overjoyed at the same time. he was with you, you were his now.
“I’m scared,” you sobbed as more tears rolled down your already damp cheeks, “he was kind- the next man might not be the same. I don’t want to be a miserable wife,” naive little you to think he’d ever let that happen.
“look at me,” he commanded but not harshly. his hands cupped the skin of your jaw and cheek to guide your face up to him. even now you looked as stunning as ever. “I’d never let you be miserable, you are too special,” his thumb traced shapes into your skin. he looked into your puffy eyes and drank them in, you looked so innocent and in need of his protection. and he loved that. “I shall confess I find myself thinking of you since you first arrived in driftmark as a new woman.” he watched your eyes widen in anticipation and surprise.
“my heart longs for you and only you. the minute you come the place lit up and worked smoothly with you around. driftmart needs a lady, I need someone by my side that is wise and has a soft approach.” your brain fogs up as he leans down near your face like he was going to kiss you but stops just before your noses touch. “I’d fill your rooms up with anything you ever ask for, show you love like you’ve never dreamed, or protect you from any harm that comes your way. you know I’m a better choice than the boys competing for your hand.” you hear the slight venom in his voice towards the mentions of other lords.
“my father, what would he say?” you whisper and he could feel your breath making him hold himself back. “I’m in need of a wife, he’s daughter is a reasonable gift. He knows I’d never mistreat you,” the other hand grabs ahold your waist and moves his hands up and down your dress making you shiver. “come on, sweet girl. say yes.” a simple nod of your head was enough of a answer for him to finally capture your lips like he had been waiting for. you felt so warm pressed up against him it made him feral inside.
the warmth inside became like a explosion when he kissed you, the way he’s holding onto you so tight and against him, his short breaths and gasp for air, the hunger makes you sore and aching for everything he had. he wanted to give you it all, but he couldn’t. not until he put a ring on your finger and that pained him. the hormones in his body were at its peak now.
slightly tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth he pulled away slowly with a husky growl. he held your hips in place to stop you from trying to get more. he listens to you pant while doing the same thing himself. you smiled up at him, “I’ve always wanted you to be mine,” you say blinking your eyes up at him teasingly, “I don’t think I can ever belong to another.”
his chest rumbles in soft laughter. “About my brother— I’ll make him see we belong together, he raised you well so he knows just how much I need you.” he was so good a flattering. you roll your eyes playfully at him, “you have honeyed words, my betrothed.” you needed no acceptance from your father. you’d run back to dragon stone and wed Lusercys there. you couldn’t be pulled away from him after this.
“Because you get the cutest look on your face, you haven’t been as secretive about your feelings towards me. Should we talk about the time you practically bursted into flames when you knocked yourself onto me?”
“You stoop so low, my lord.”
#Lucerys Velaryon#Lucerys Velaryon x reader#yandere lucerys velaryon#yandere Lucerys Velaryon x reader#Lucerys Velaryon x fem!reader#house of the dragon#yandere hotd x reader#hotd x reader#house of the dragon x reader#yandere house of the dragon x reader#yandere house of the dragon
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can you do a Carmilla x wife where her wife has literally never seen her with her hair down but when she finally does she's like "Who are you and what have you done with my wife."
Yes. This is funny because I'm sure everyone who saw her hair come down was shocked and in love. I would know because I literally went, "Oh hot mama!" and my best friend started laughing his ass off also, we literally talked for an hour on how her hair worked until we gave up and said, "It's hell, she just got magic hair"
*Sfw*
Carmilla Carmine x Wife Reader
Carmilla sighed as she walked over to her vanity, putting her hands against the edge as she looked in the mirror to see that her hair was starting to fall down, from their horn shape.
Guess today was really making her work. Usually, her hair never falls down this much. So she'll just let it down early. She usually lets it down in bed and sets the ties to the side dresser, but guess she'll do it now.
Carmilla then pulled the ties out, her hair falling down past her shoulders and down her back as she set the ties to the side, looking in the mirror as she fixed up any lose strands going in her face.
Carmilla then heard the bedroom door open as your voice was heard, Carmilla turned her head to see your back turned with a bag of food in your hand
"Hey Mama, got some food for-" you said with a smile as you turned around, looking up to see Carmilla but with her hair down. You words stopped as your eyes widened in shock and confusion.
"Who are you, and where's my wife?" You asked, which got a laugh out of Carmilla. While you stayed confused and wondered what the hell happened.
"Hun? It's me?" Carmilla said, unsure what you were getting at. Is this your thing with jokes, or are you serious?
"My wife has two large horns....those are hair!? I thought they were horns!" You said, getting on the fact that those aren't horns. For as long as you've known each other you always thought those were horns or she tied her hair around her horns...
It's all just hair?!
"Yes? Have you never seen me with my hair down?" Carmilla asked, confused since, well, you're married. She would've thought you would have seen her with her hair down, considering you sleep in the same bed. With you being very clingy as well...
"No... I have not, but now that I have good lord, you have beautiful godess hair." You said as you walked up with you setting the bag aside as you let your hand run through a bit of her hair.
"Well, thank you, but how have you not seen me with my hair down?" Carmilla asked you, standing up as you realized how big and long her hair was, as big and long as you.
"You know I like to sleep in. Especially with how big and comfy that bed is. Feels like paradise when I get under those covers....in more ways than one...." You said with a smirk, since with your height compared to hers, that bed is like two king sized bed to you. So you usually take a while to wake up
But, when you do, you usually see Carmilla already ready for the day, so seeing this is both a shock and a beautiful sight.
"Also, how do you tie your hair up like that? Is something in there making it stand, or is it just tied?" You asked as you walked up with you playing with her hair, feeling how soft it was. Carmilla looked down and smiled down at you. Seeing you play with her hair was a cute sight
"It takes a while, but it's tide," Carmilla explained as you continued to play with her hair. Made you look like a cat making biscuits on her hair. You then looked up at Carmilla. Seeing her soft smile and kind eyes.
You blushed bright and pulled your hands away as you put them behind your back. Carmilla laughed as she bent down, cupping your cheeks in her hands as she kissed you on the lips. You blushed bright as you smiled putting your hands on the back of her head.
As you usually would, but, since with all the hair, it feels much softer and harder to find the back of her head now.
"You're too cute sometimes, you know," Carmilla said as she smiled at you with you blushing as your fingers went through her hair. That night, you slept with your arms around her neck as her hair was tangled in your fingers
**
It was short, but this was such a cute and funny idea. Since Carmilla with her hair down is very beautiful.
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More bits from the 1st night of the London D20 live show that brought me joy:
The little “ooooohhhhHHHH” bit everyone in the atrium did as they were rolling the bingo cages for their characters
How NUTS everyone went when Lou got Fabian and everyone started chanting “hoot growl”
A second, just as loud cheer when Siobhan got Adaine and her and Lou ran around the stage together
Siobhan, unprompted: “GIVE ADAINE A GUN!”
Emily has apparently named a stray cat after Plug <3
Sydney straight up eating the ground (it’s ice cream, she’s fine. Sort of.)
“It’s a smell so counter to everything human life needs, in a way that almost kills you, but also, only in a way someone from New York can understand, makes you proud.”
The party refusing to call the candy wyverns anything other than “bugs”
Zac interrupting the ongoing banter to announce Skip is already boarded and sucking on the saddle of the wyvern
“I throw a flash grenade.” “I turn into a giant pigeon.” “I cast unseen servant to untie him.” “I shoot a guard.” “Okay, so everyone decides to do something SUPER SUBTLE.”
I mentioned it before but it’s SO good: “the DC is 500. Only a Nat 20 will do it.” Beardsley: [rolls a Nat 20 first try] [pandemonium in the arena]
“Have you seen Succession?”
The gabagool 🤌
“Adaine, we have saved the world multiple times. These are the scariest people we have ever met.”
Lou losing it at Sydney’s grenade having 1 point of poison damage in addition to all the bludgeoning damage
Skip gives Fabian a laser gun. He does not know what it is until he shoots Calroy with it
“Adaine, this gun thing you’re on? I get it.”
Cocaine Bear
“I YEETED YOU!”
Pete and Skip instant besties. Pete and Fabian instant enemies.
“You named him Anus and now I just have to do it the rest of the show!”
“I absolutely hate to add insult to injury…” “THEN DON’T!”
Adaine passing her wisdom save by 1 point to prevent Kugrash’s polymorph spell from turning her into a rat
The absolute ROAR that went up when Skip transformed into Lapin
“Anus?” “Not today.” “Not today WHAT?”
“I thought I was just on another planet starting a revolution I don’t intend to stick around for.” “America!”
Ally confidentially declaring Lapin and Aguefort have swinger vibes
“Do you want to just take him?” “Do you mean in the biblical sense?” “Another exciting use….”
[croaky voice] butterfly in the skyyyy
Pete opening 6 different flavors of seltzer while the rest of the party does kublacaine
Elaine Lee in the house!!!
Kugrash the greatest chaperone who ever lived
Lapin and Aguefort…and they were roommates…..Lapin’s “how do I look?” before they go into the egg fortress lmao
Syd’s perfume missile dealing 68 points of damage to Fabian and instantly knocking him unconscious. “Are you rolling D20s for damage???”
“I’m going to use my tides of chaos to reroll….worse.”
Tina the butterfly familiar that everyone totally remembers
“Well shit, any house where we kill the people in it becomes our house.”
Pete dissing Fabian so hard he feels the toxic masculinity coming back
Lapin requesting an exam extension for Adaine and Fabian from Arthur via dating app
The collective psychic damage everyone took from the “yar har har” scene
“Pete just starts dancing with a scarf in a way no one else has seen before.” “That’s my fucking thing!!!”
Sydney just enabling every pvp encounter alsdkghsdg. Giving Fabian unlimited capacity to his gun as he’s shooting Pete, with Fabian hitting twice and criting once.
“I can pleasure you or throw grenades, you gotta pick one.” “The first one, obviously!” “Okay!”
Lapin, Adaine and Kugrash chain smoking in the corner suffering through the pain of existence while the rest of party goes nuts around them
Murph incorporating the words “come/coming” as much as possible into Kugrash’s farewell speech while Brennan mimes Gilear’s enormous dick behind him. Not even Fabian’s battle sheet is enough to conceal that hog
“That’s right, I’m the king. And then I jump into the dumpster.”
GILEAR…MY…..OLD FRIEND………Aguefort and Gilear fwb real
“Not another person with their penis frozen to the walk in!”
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Of Angels and Curses
Synopsis - In a world where Angels and Curses are locked in a never ending war, an unsuspecting seraph becomes entangled with the very thing she is fated to eradicate.
Pairings - Curse!Toji Fushiguro x f!Angel!Reader. Curse!Ryomen Sukuna x Reader. Angel!Satoru Gojo x Reader.
Warnings - Descriptions of violence and injuries, eventual smut.
A/N - Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I think you guys really will too. Ehe! It might be easier to guess about the interludes after you’ve read this chapter, so please feel free to guess and comment your thoughts!! Ko-fi.
Next Part - Chapter 8.
-•-
Chapter 7
Y/N was awoken by the sound of screams, pulling her consciousness from the depths of slumber.
When she opened her eyes, her vision was bathed in a fiery red hue, and she was convinced that she had gone blind. It was harrowing to be stuck in this limbo that seemed to be eternal, condemned to travel through all the shades of crimson known to the universe. Amidst the all-consuming glow, it took Y/N much longer than it should have to realize that the blood-curdling screams were emanating from within her own throat, with such raw force that it ignited her lungs in agony.
“Easy, Y/N. Easy. You’re hurting yourself.”
Large, calloused and warm hands firmly enveloped both sides of her wrists, whilst thick heavy legs hooked with her own, effectively anchoring her in place. She felt his shallow breaths tickle her earlobe, sending a shiver down her spine, as the weight of his body pressed into her; tangible and solid against the swirling tempest of red and pain.
Y/N didn’t need to see to know it was Toji.
“Easy,” Toji repeated, his rumble a soothing balm. “I’ve got you.”
He has me.
Y/N ceased her screaming, and her lungs cried out in relief as she was released from the initial suffocating grip of terror. The red veil began to wane, allowing her to discern the dark silhouette of Toji’s figure hovering above her; a beacon amidst her tumultuous sea. Each breath she took was a battle against the ebbing tide of red, ragged and ungraceful, as a blooming pain started to spread on one side of her face. The rough ridges of his hands ignited sparks of electricity against her skin, sending tingles coursing through her skin that rose into a lightning storm. Y/N found solace in the heat of Toji’s touch as she finally gazed into his blazing eyes.
“C’mon, c’mon. You can see me, I’m right in front of you,” Toji coaxed, his voice smoky and deep as he leaned his forehead against hers. “That’s it, focus.”
Y/N could feel his breath trembling just as much as hers. Here was Toji Fushiguro, a King of Hell, brought into such a state of desperation and frantic urgency. She was so engulfed in the whirlwind of his various sensations, tantalized by the possibility that if he bent down just a little lower, then their lips would touch and meet as the universe always intended. But the pain persisted, wrathful and intent on cutting their red string of fate.
Oh, the pain.
She gasped and whimpered, instinctively bringing a hand to cup the vulnerable side of her face, but Toji’s grip on her wrists tightened. His face remained impassive, yet his emerald orbs burned with such fierce determination; pupils blown so wide that she could catch her own reflection in them. For a moment, Y/N almost forgot about her pain, or why she was feeling it in the first place.
“You really need to stop nearly fucking dying on me,” Toji breathed out shakily, in a whisper that was so frighteningly unlike the way he usually spoke. “Stop making me feel this way, I can’t handle it anymore.”
It was the way his voice cracked, and his eyes communicated with her soul in a thousand ways his words couldn’t, and it softened Y/N like a tender summer’s breeze. Toji’s emotions were crystal clear through their bond, and he wasn’t hiding anything from her; bare and vulnerable as she was lying there. Y/N knew then for sure that he never thought she was insignificant, or ever cared that she was Fallen – to him, she was his very soul. The kaleidoscope of everything that made up her being also moulded him.
Toji’s lip twitched, and Y/N noted just how painfully deep his scar was embedded. His lips moved closer by a hair, and Y/N really thought he was about to kiss her.
Until screams pierced through the air, coming from right outside her bedroom doors.
Geto burst through, wild and twistedly feral as his eyes locked onto Toji, and Nanako’s cries reached a high pitched cresendo as the door gave way. His lips curled into a snarl, Y/N sensed he was about to strike, and her body bristled in preparation for a fight.
And yet, Toji was so much faster.
A black flash hurtled towards Geto, and his weight was no longer on top of her.
With such force that shook the room, Toji pinned her brother against the wall, his forearm pressed against Geto’s neck. With gritted teeth, he snapped, “This wasn’t me.”
Geto struggled against him, but Toji’s iron grip was unyielding and far superior in strength, and a vein popped in his forehead from the strained effort.
“M-mahito,” he choked out, sputtering as he glared daggers at Toji. “Nanako s-ugh-saw him fleeing.”
With that, Toji released Geto from his grasp, who roughly shoved him away. The two kings stared each other down, eyes brimming with violence, neither willing to yield to the other’s intimidating display. However, Toji’s patience was wearing thinner by the second; Y/N could feel it, his essence dominating the atmosphere in a chokehold.
“Go on,” he goaded, chin tilted upwards as he looked down at her brother. “You want to try this again, huh?”
Geto audibly growled, chest heaving – he was cornered, and he knew it. But that didn’t seem to deter him; shadows gathered and danced in the room, as the host of Curses gathering to her brother’s defense snapped and snarled. Toji simply smirked, unperturbed by her brother’s offensiveness, and Y/N knew Suguru would be crushed in an instant if she didn’t intervene.
She sat up abruptly, her bones screaming and aching as if they hadn’t been used in an age, and desperately rasped, “Toji, please.”
Toji stiffened.
He waged a battle of sheer will within himself, torn between surrendering to his instinct to win and immerse himself in the thrill of combat, and the rational part of his soul that was tethered to her – urging him to yield and fight another day.
And he did.
A great king of Hell yielded to a Fallen Angel.
Toji took a step back, hands raised in mock surrender, wearing a sly smirk directed at Geto, who was slowly refracting his shadows while still maintaining an offensive demeanor.
“Did you know?” Geto hissed, like a coiled viper.
Toji’s eyes narrowed, his expression wiped from any cockiness as he turned deadly serious. “You seriously think I would give them my approval for this? No.”
“Then why didn’t you pursue him?”
“Why the f- because my mate was fighting for her fucking life.”
Her brother’s eyes flitted over to her, taking in the lines of red over the right side of her face, and he scowled. “Are you alright now? Can you fight?”
Y/N got up from the bed, trying to ignore that her decency was compromised in her sheer nightdress, and was about to respond when Toji interjected with a harsh tone. “She is not in any state to fight, are you mad?”
“I didn’t ask you, did I?” Geto snapped, quickly ramping up his offensive stance, his fists clenched and muscles tense. “Don’t forget where you are, Fushiguro.”
Concentrated effort… restrained anger.
Toji deadpanned, completely unimpressed. “I haven’t, but see reason, Geto. Nobody understands how Mahito’s power works. Do you want to risk Y/N’s life again?”
Geto clenched his jaw, and Y/N could almost sense the whirlwind of emotions raging within him. He craved a fight, his thirst for vengeance threatened to turn him into a harbringer of justice, and it was making him not think straight. A faint tremor rippled through to his tightened fists.
“I can fight, Suguru. I feel just fine,” she said firmly, displeased at the two Kings talking over her like her voice didn’t matter. If she was going to die, it would have happened by now, surely they both knew that.
Toji gave her a hard look. “Not a chance.”
“Mimiko is dead,” Geto murmured to her, low and almost shameful, completely ignoring what Toji had just said. “Mahito touched her as he was fleeing.”
Her heart dropped.
Oh no, not her.
Poor Nanako.
Tears swelled in her eyes, and fury ignited in her chest. Her green eyed Curse looked at her with a softer gaze, expression filled with pity for her loss.
“He’s killed a member of your court, and tried to kill me,” Y/N hissed, voice thick with malice. “We have to find him and make him pay for what he’s done.”
Geto shook his head. “No, Fushiguro is right. You need to see a healer and make sure your soul hasn’t been harmed.” He shot Toji a loathsome glare, and snapped, “Take care of her, or so help me, I will tear you apart.”
Before either of them had time to respond, her brother surged out the door, barking orders with a crack of his whip. The bustle of activity outside Y/N’s bedroom shifted away as Geto’s subordinates were driven into action, and Nanako’s wails dissolved into an eerie silence.
“I would like to see you try,” Toji muttered, mostly to himself. His gaze settled back on her, and he asked. “Who’s the best healer in this place?”
She swallowed heavily, exhaling deeply. “Dead.”
He rolled his eyes. “Tch, of course. Well, come with me then.” Toji’s eyes briefly roamed her figure, before he looked away and cleared his throat. “You’ll want to change first.”
She ignored his last comment, and asked suspiciously, “Where?”
“To find a healer. The rest of yours are going to be occupied with the casualties of war, and I’m not risking subpar idiots trying to help you.”
War.
Here it was, once again.
Only this time, she had become the very thing she had once fought.
And this was to be a war unlike any other she had ever faced.
“So this is it, then. It’s begun?” Y/N whispered, as the weight of the events of the past day and night took its toll on her.
“I’m afraid so. Mahito has obviously sided with Jogo, and an assassination attempt is a clear declaration of war,” Toji replied simply, almost casually. “Now, are you coming or not?”
Y/N knew the rational thing was to go and ensure there was nothing fundamentally wrong with her, and yet, the thought of leaving Geto on his own to fight made her physically ill. But it wasn’t like she had a choice in the matter; Toji would probably drag her kicking and screaming wherever he wanted to go.
“Y/N,” his voice called, snapping her out of her thoughts. Y/N’s breath hitched as Toji regarded her with that same gentleness he had not moments ago, and he murmured. “This war isn’t your fault.”
She scoffed. “Of course it is, I’m not stupid. I owe it to myself and Suguru to make sure they all pay for this.”
“And you will,” Toji agreed, annoyingly placating. “But you won’t be much use if you burst into pieces, hmm?”
Burst into pieces.
Just like Nanami.
Her stomach churned.
Bubbling anxiousness …
Y/N couldn’t say anything against that. And so, in addition to feeling Toji’s palpable fear for her through their bond, she relented and sighed.
“Wait for me on the balcony, I’ll be ready in a minute.”
-•-
Y/N hadn’t expected Toji’s healer to dwell somewhere so… dark.
Toji had vanished into completely into the inky black mist they had stepped into from the portal, causing Y/N’s heart to race frantically at the thought of losing him. She whipped her head around frantically, consumed by irrational dread, fearing that she was doomed to the darkness forever. Suddenly, he reappeared right in front of her, completely spooking her, with a sly smirk on his face.
“Need some help?” he teased, and she scowled.
“Why’d you bring us here?” Y/N grumbled. “What’s your healer doing in a place like this?”
“I called in a favor while you were getting dressed,” Toji answered, as if that explained everything, and held out his hand for her to take.
She took it.
Tingles and sparks danced between them, each electric connecting sending Y/N’s heart pounding with a frenzy so fierce that she thought it would leap from her chest and settle inside him instead. Toji’s green eyes seemed to almost glow in the darkness, captivating Y/N so deeply that she had to avert her gaze. He cleared his throat, evidently as affected by their intense connection, and began to guide her through the mist.
“A favor?” she whispered, breaking the tension.
“Hmm? Oh, yes. Mei-Mei will be there to mediate the exchange.”
Mei-Mei? Exchange?
Her heart stung at the mention of Toji’s second, and yesterday’s argument rushed to the forefront of her mind. “Sure,” Y/N said flatly.
She knew Toji could feel her coldness creeping back in, and he gripped her hand tighter. “You know, I-” he started, searching for the right words to say. “This isn’t the time to talk about yesterday, but I just- I didn’t mean to be so...”
“Cruel?”
Toji visibly looked uncomfortable, almost shameful, and he nodded. Y/N sighed heavily, “It doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s get this over with.”
He pursed his lips, and she knew he had so much more to say, but he didn’t. They pushed on farther into the mist, and Y/N’s eyes adjusted to the midnight darkness the longer they walked, although she could have sworn it was getting even blacker.
Plop!
Y/N recoiled sharply as her foot was submerged in water; unnervingly warm and thick.
No… not water.
She sniffed the air, and squinted at her foot.
Blood.
A strange sense of déjà vu hit her.
“Toji… where are we?”
“At the borderline with Sukuna’s territory. We’re going to meet with Uraume.”
“What? Uraume doesn’t serve you.”
“No, they don’t. That’s why this is a favor.”
She was going to meet Sukuna’s second. What sort of things had Toji done to earn a favor from the King of Curses? Y/N almost didn’t want to know, and her previously uneasy feelings were now sprouting into a full-blown panic.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing me here?” she hissed in a hushed tone, as if the mist would carry her words all the way to Sukuna’s ears. “How can we trust them?”
“Do you trust me?” Toji stopped abruptly, turning to look at her with narrowed eyes, his jaw set in a stubborn line.
Y/N didn’t miss a beat, because it was the truth. “Yes, but-.”
“Then trust that I’d kill them if they try to hurt you,” he swore in a low, voice as dark as the mist surrounding them.
She shivered.
A loud caw of a crow sounded above them, followed by the sloshing sounds of someone moving through the water towards them. Y/N gripped Toji’s hand tighter, and he returned the gesture. Mei-Mei’s slim figure came into view, a sultry smirk on her lips as she balanced a great battle-axe on her left shoulder.
“Uraume is just ahead,” Mei-Mei announced. Her gaze flicked down to their joint hands, and the corner of her lip curled upwards.
“Are they alone?” Toji asked.
Mei-Mei hummed in response, casually shrugging her shoulders. “They killed most of my crows that got too close. I can’t see.”
He made a sound of displeasure. “Fine, let’s go.”
Toji pulled Y/N forwards, and as they past each other, she and Mei-Mei exchanged a tense glance. Something deep within her gut told her that the lilac-eyed Curse looked down at her, as if she were no more than a speck of dirt on her pristine boots. The mere thought of Toji even kissing her filled Y/N with horror and a burning rage she didn’t know she was capable of feeling.
Within a few moments, the mist cleared ever so slightly, and the slight figure of Uraume came into view. Y/N couldn’t help but notice how small and delicate they appeared, like a tiny porcelain doll amidst a sea of blood. But much like Mei-Mei, they obviously concealed their violent tendencies with beauty; although, theirs was a quiet and ancient kind of strength. The bones of various creatures floated about in the blood, and some formed clusters that had somehow caught flame, burning in brilliant shades of red and blue. The air was far hotter here, and Y/N wondered just how blistering the heat must be at the center of Hell.
“Your mate needs my help.” Uraume’s voice sounded out from the distance, cutting straight to the point.
“You know the Curse, Mahito?” Toji’s voice echoed across the blood sea as he responded. “He touched her skin.”
Uraume cocked their head to the side, their air cold and intelligent. “She looks alive and well to me. Why did you bother calling for me?”
“I need to make sure he hasn’t latched himself to her soul,” he boomed back. “You’re the only one who can see.”
Their unique deep pink orbs settled on Y/N, and she straightened her back. It was if they were deciding whether or not to help, and Toji shifted impatiently beside her.
“You may approach me, Y/N,” Uraume finally said, and gave Toji a pointed look. “Alone.”
With that, she let go of Toji’s hand and stepped towards Uraume, remaining acutely aware of the dagger beneath her sleeves she could whip out if she needed to. But the way they looked at her, as if they knew what she was thinking, dared her to try it. Y/N knew better than to stand against a force she didn’t understand, and so she stood rigidly in front of them.
Uraume suddenly gripped her chin, their fingers seemingly made of ice and frost, causing Y/N to shudder.
Uneasiness…
The Curse turned her face side to side, observing every single little detail as if it were of vital importance. “You don’t remember?”
“I was asleep,” she answered, and Uraume shook their head, leaving Y/N with the feeling that she had answered the question incorrectly.
They hummed, letting go of her chin. “You soul is intact, so you have nothing to fear.”
Relief…
Uraume’s fingers ran down her face, like tender icicles melting in the sun, and Y/N felt the tenderness of where Mahito had touched fade away. They pulled their hand away and looked at her as if admiring their handiwork, while Y/N grazed her own fingers over her face.
“Do you know how I survived him?” she asked Uraume, a shot in the dark.
They raised an eyebrow at her. “You remember nothing anyways. It does not matter how you lived, only that you did.”
“Is it because my soul has the power of two? Because I’m Fushiguro’s mate,” Y/N asked desperately. She was on borrowed time, and Uraume seemed to have all the answers. “Does it mean that I could still survive should Mahito touch me again?”
Uraume held up a hand, silencing Y/N. “You survived, and that is the end of that. I would, however, advise against allowing Mahito the opportunity to place his hands upon you again.”
The cold Curse appeared to be in no mood to linger any longer than necessary, and to say that she wasn’t disappointed was an understatement. Y/N disliked being left in the dark; she much preferred to know exactly how and why everything worked the way it did. For Uraume to knowingly withhold information about her own body from her was absolutely despicable.
But what could Y/N do against the general of the King of Curses?
Not a thing.
That notion alone was maddening.
“One more thing, before you leave,” Uraume added, reaching into their pocket to bring forth a small box, and offered it to her. “Lord Sukuna has asked me to give you this.”
What?
Toji was next to her in a flash, watching like a hawk as Y/N hesitantly took the box from Uraume. She could feel him preparing for a fight, the energy coursing through his veins mirrored hers, but why he was so on edge she didn’t know. Y/N opened the box to reveal a dainty golden ring, the gleaming metal twisted and curled, prompting a deep frown from Toji.
“Why is he giving her this freely?” he asked, his words laced with confusion and suspicion.
“Lord Sukuna,” Uraume corrected icily, before continuing. “Told me to give Y/N this ring if her soul had no cursed energy.”
“That doesn’t tell me why,” Toji interjected abruptly, as she plucked the ring from the box and inspected it closely.
“That’s none of your concern. Do not question Lord Sukuna’s motives; just accept his gift,” Uraume bit back, casting a pointed glance towards Y/N as she said the last sentence.
Too unnerved and perplexed to form a coherent sentence, Y/N could only stare at the gift from Ryomen Sukuna himself. She felt even more in the dark than before, overwhelmed by a wave of confusion and apprehension. With a sudden gesture, she snapped the box shut as if hoping to conceal her unanswered questions within.
Mei-Mei cleared her throat and spoke for the both of them, “Thank you for this, Uraume. We are grateful for you and Lord Sukuna taking the time to help us.”
Uraume’s gaze swept over the trio, and Y/N could have sworn the blood beneath their feet was freezing over as they replied. “You owe him a great deal, Fushiguro. Don’t forget it.”
Toji’s nostrils flared, and he grumbled. “Sure.”
Uraume didn’t seem to appreciate his response but said nothing. They gave Y/N one last look, before they stepped back into a portal and disappeared.
Mei-Mei let out a small breath in relief, and commented, “That went well.”
She hovered closer to them, as if anticipating something, and Y/N tensed. Toji rolled his eyes, and reached into his back pocket, tossing her a small bag. Mei-Mei caught it effortlessly with one hand, and the bag clinked loudly – the noise betraying its valuable contents.
“Thank you. Do you need anything else,” she offered, and Y/N realized this was the first time she had glimpsed a hint of real emotion from the Curse at receiving her payment.
“No. You can go,” Toji answered, and Mei-Mei was gone in an instant, leaving the two of them alone standing in the ocean of blood.
Y/N opened the box again, carefully observing the ring. She noted the minuscule featherlight markings adorning the band, perhaps an inscription of some sort, but she couldn’t make out the words. “What is this?”
Toji sighed and extended his left hand, displaying a thicker gold ring resting on his pointer finger that Y/N hadn’t noticed before. “It’s a ring, just like this one, and it’s imbued with Sukuna’s cursed energy. It allows Curses like us to conjure portals.”
“Why would Sukuna make something like this for us? How did you manage to even get one, then?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. He came to visit me when I became King and gave me it. Said I was strong, and that I was the prime example of a perfect Curse. I apparently… fascinated him.”
It was the way Toji hesitated, looking visibly uncomfortable as he recalled his encounter with Sukuna, that intrigued Y/N. His emotions swirled with mistrust and nerves, and she realized that her seemingly invincible green-eyed Curse was almost afraid. It was a frightening reminder to her that Sukuna’s strength, particularly now in the absence of Gojo Satoru, was probably the only threat to Toji’s life.
“I suppose he’s given you a ring because you’re my mate,” Toji murmured, although it seemed as if he was thinking aloud.
“You don’t seem so sure,” Y/N replied, closing the box once more and safely tucked it away.
Toji’s expression darkened. “I’m not sure of anything Sukuna does, or why. I’d prefer to avoid anything to do with him as much as I can.”
It was no question as to why he was afraid, but Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to have been in the presence of Ryomen Sukuna.
“Well, it seems I’m not going to die,” Y/N joked lightly, wanting to lighten the tension that was gripping them both.
Toji snorted, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “So it seems. I’m glad.”
The ring on his finger glowed a faint golden color, and a portal of the same shade materialized in front of them. He looked at her expectantly, cocking his towards it. “Let’s get out of here”
-•-
“Welcome to my city. I know that you and your brother are more traditional than me, but I still hope you’ll like it here.”
It was a pleasant surprise to find Toji’s city bustling with activity. The streets, although well-paved and smooth, had veins of molten lava coursing through it, casting a bright orange and red glow that illuminated the area. The buildings eerily reminded her of Heaven, but in a polar opposite way. Grand dark stone towers stood tall amidst the midnight sky, adorned with intricate carvings of strange and grotesque creatures.
Toji led her to the main marketplace, bustling with various stalls and shops selling food, clothing, and trinkets. It was teeming with all manner of Curses; some resembled her and Toji, some a mixture that blended both monster and humanoid features, and others were more horrid and twisted in appearance. As they passed, the Curses immediately took notice of their Kings presence, their stares burrowing holes in the back of Y/N’s head. But none dared to approach them directly, which was a relief. This was quite a public display of their bond, but with their secret out in the open, Y/N supposed it didn’t matter much anymore.
She decided to voice her inner thoughts. “This reminds me of Heaven.”
Surprise…
Toji looked at her as if she had grown two heads, one eyebrow comically raised. “Huh?”
“Yeah, your city is like Heaven, but flipped the opposite way. I don’t really know how to explain it, maybe Geto would disagree with me.”
“Is it… a bad thing?”
“No! It’s quite beautiful, actually.”
Toji appeared gladdened, as relief washed over his face, though Y/N could sense his underlying nervousness and shyness through their bond. She had to stop herself from smiling, because it was quite endearing. Following his lead, they strolled through the streets of his city, which he seemed to know like the back of his hand. She understood now why he was so determined to protect his people; Toji provided and protected them well, ensuring they wanted for nothing. This contrasted starkly with Suguru’s citizens, who often exuded an aura of sadness and neediness due to their struggles. Food was scarcer, skirmishes and raids along the border were common occurrences, and they had lost their King, whom they had known for centuries.
Of course, not having to worry about an impending war would certainly help.
Toji broke the silence with a question. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’m curious. Do you miss it? Heaven, I mean.”
Did she?
Did she miss those first moments of the day when she lay in her bed, watching the first rays of the dawn filter through her window? There something so profoundly peaceful about that time, so uniquely ethereal, that it was one of her reasons for getting out of bed everyday.
Did she miss those moments when she and Nanami used to sit together on the lush meadows after a sparring session? When they would enjoy the cool breeze and the sun on their faces, and she would watch the wind flow through his golden locks.
Did she miss those times when Gojo used to gather a feast of figs from the trees outside his tower for them both to enjoy? He would always peel the fruits for her, a smile on his face as he let her have the best ones.
It would be a lie if she said no.
“Sometimes,” Y/N admitted quietly, not wanting to acknowledge the magnitude of how much she actually did miss it. “Parts of it.”
Toji hummed. “I’d be surprised if you didn’t, it was your home for…”
He suddenly started to chuckle, and she looked at him quizzically. “What’s so funny?”
“Sorry, but I don’t actually know how old you are.”
“Well, how old are you?”
“I asked you first, but I’m somewhere in the middle of the eight-century mark, I think.”
“I’m five hundred and seven.”
“Oh, very precise.”
“And you’re very old.”
Toji barked out a laugh. “Why should I bother counting, then?”
“So you don’t accidentally say you’re older than you actually are. You could be fifty years younger and you’d never know.”
“Pft! Fifty years isn’t much.”
“Fifty years is a lot.”
“Hmm, maybe I’ll ask if Mei-Mei has some old records from the Zenins. See how old I am exactly.”
Y/N’s mood turned sour at the mention of her, and her smile vanished from her face. She recalled their argument yesterday, and how Toji had told her she had no business knowing anything about him. Yet, here he seemed to have had a complete change of heart. Her near-death experience shouldn’t have been a requirement for him to allow himself to open up to her – something he still seemed reluctant to do. Was she not deserving enough to know who he really was? Would she ever be?
If not, then what was the point of fate – God – bringing the two of them together?
Toji sensed her mood shift, of course he did. It was still new to Y/N, the idea that her emotions could be sensed without his essence overpowering her psyche, the way Gojo’s had done in his Infinite Void. But Toji remained silent, which disappointed Y/N. They had reached a grand staircase leading up to what could only be Toji’s palace, as there was no other building they had passed that was as large as this one.
“I’m assuming you’re hungry,” Toji remarked, pushing open the oversized dome-shaped doorway to the palace. Y/N nodded, and he motioned for her to follow him.
The Curses dwelling inside the palace stared at them with wide eyes, bowing respectfully at Toji as he passed, their hushed voices whispered excitedly after the pair passed. Y/N could have sworn she heard the words ‘mate’ and ‘Queen’ being whispered, and that filled her with alarm. Toji led her to a balcony overlooking the city, dimly lit with smoldering lanterns, complete with a table and chairs.
“This is where I usually eat,” he explained, his voice gravelly. “It’s nice. A good view of the city.”
Y/N hummed in agreement and took a seat. Toji did the same, and servants immediately came in from the inside to place platters of steaming food in front of them both. They looked at her strangely when she thanked them and respectfully bowed at both of them as they left. It was awkward silence, to say the least, as they ate. Y/N could feel Toji glancing at her often, trying to lock eyes with her.
Toji finally spoke, pushing his plate away from him, and Y/N could feel his leg bouncing rapidly beneath the table. “Look, I’m not good at these things. But about yesterday, I couldn’t say all the things I wanted to say the way I wanted to – the right way, you know?”
“You’re not obligated to tell me anything, Toji.” Y/N replied evenly, though she was quite taken aback that a King of Hell was rambling. “Just how I’m not either.”
“No but you… you share things with me anyways. Freely. You don’t hide yourself from me, and I’ve never felt you do it.” Toji admitted, his voice slightly strained, his gaze fixed on his lap as his leg bounced faster.
He’s so nervous.
“What I’m trying to say, it was both of us that suffered a loss yesterday. We were both vulnerable, but I was so angry that we were so exposed. Because it was me who should’ve killed Mahito when I had the chance.”
“Toji, you said it yourself. Killing him would have warranted too many questions.”
“Yeah, but this outcome is so much worse because it was something neither of us could have controlled. Killing him would have been controlled.”
Toji sighed, shaking his head. “That doesn’t matter, and it’s not what I’m trying to say. I should have been there. I should have stayed. I wanted to ask you to come with me, to stay here with me. That’s why I came to you yesterday.”
“I know, Geto told me,” Y/N said gently, as if revealing some embarrassing secret.
“Oh, right. I forgot about that,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “I suppose that was me being desperate.”
“Clearly,” she giggled, her laugh tinkling like bells, and Toji’s eyes lit up. “You really think Suguru has that much influence?”
His face fell a little at that. “So, you won’t stay? Not even after what happened last night?”
Y/N could see it again now, Toji’s soul laid bare and raw before her. He was choosing vulnerability this time, laying his emotions on the line for just for her. It was truly what he wanted, for her to stay with him. Y/N couldn’t help herself, she reached over and placed her hand over his.
“No, Toji. It would be running away and leaving my family to fight a war that I caused,” Y/N replied softly, afraid of breaking him apart into tiny pieces.
“You wouldn’t be running, not to me,” Toji murmured, his eyes fixed on her hand over his.
“I know, but I would never forgive myself if I left them now.”
Toji stared at her, and she sucked in a breath. “You have such a fire in you now, you know? You know exactly where you need to go, and what you need to do.” He gripped her hand, sliding his fingers between hers. “Don’t ever put it out.”
She blushed heavily, feeling any lingering tension she had for her green-eyed Curse crumbled into dust.
“But if you need me, then call for me. I’ll come to you,” he continued lowly, his voice rumbling and almost sultry, as he squeezed her hand.
Y/N smiled shyly. “Thank you, Toji.” She looked over to the city, shying away from the intensity of the moment. “I can see what you’re trying to protect here.”
“They don’t deserve to be dragged into my… feelings.”
They sat together in comfortable silence, their hands still firmly in each other’s grasp, and Y/N had to fight to keep the smile from spreading widely across her face.
“You, uh-,” Toji cleared his throat, hesitating before continuing. “You asked me if Mei-Mei and I eve-.”
Y/N cut him off, waving her other hand quickly at him. “No, no Toji! You were right yesterday, and it’s something I don’t want or need to know.”
He sighed, rubbing his thumb on her hand. “Well, I didn’t mean that. But you should know that I never did anything like that with her.”
The relief was so immense that Y/N had to refrain herself from sighing loudly.
Anxiousness…
Toji mumbled, “Did you and Gojo ever… do anything?”
Y/N giggled wildly, and it was his turn to look at her quizzically. “I think you forget seraphim don’t do anything like that until after marriage.”
“Oh, I see,” he said, seemingly embarrassed. Perhaps he didn’t know, and Y/N wondered how much Curses really knew about Angels. After a minute of silence, Toji added. “So, uh, you- are you? Tch!”
She found his flustering quite endearing. “What?”
Toji sighed pointedly, gathering his thoughts to formulate a proper sentence. “Would you still prefer to do things that way?”
Y/N frowned. Toji was making her consider aspects of her old life that she had never thought of before. Would she remain pure until marriage? She’d embraced everything else about being a Curse – the freedom, the bloodlust – so why was this any different? And yet, strangely enough, Y/N couldn’t imagine doing it any different.
“I think… I think so yes,” she finally replied, her words slow, as if she doubted them herself.
Toji hummed. “And what about other things?”
Y/N almost choked on her own spit, her cheeks flushing bright red again. He smirked at her, and she pursed her lips indignantly. “Stop that.”
“What?” Toji said with mock innocence. She gave him a sharp look, but a smile was threatening to break out over her wavering lips. “Okay okay! Fine,” he conceded, a handsome smile lighting up his features as he laughed.
In that moment, Y/N thought Toji was the most gorgeous creature she had ever been blessed to lay eyes on.
“Tell me what Heaven was like then, if you don’t mind,” Toji asked, leaning in closer to her from across the table, his hand still deliciously warm.
Her eyes twinkled with mischief. “That’s quite a long story. I think I’ll need to hear more about you afterwards.”
He smiled. “Of course.”
-•-
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Dating Dream of the Endless Would Include...
Thank you all so much for being so sweet about my last two Dream headcanons, here are the dating ones to complete the set (and also the longest ones)!
Also shock horror I know, but I still have about three episodes of the show left so sorry if this is suddenly very out of character lmao I just love him to the moon and back my petty king
This got much longer than I thought it would oops, so any and all comments are much appreciated!! Thank you ily guys I hope you liked my silly similes lmaoooo
(I do not own the Sandman or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @thekingofkawaii.)
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°
Since people seem to love these opening sentences so much and I adore writing them lmao... Dream you pathetic ass cape draping eyeliner scrungle of a wet hissing cat, living for the drama dumbass with the smile of a brick I literally love you in every single way you are impeccable. He’s so stupid bless I want to bonk him with a baguette and give him a big ‘ol hug until he awkwardly shoves me off and mopes away. Well guess what sir, this time you are NOT running away from your feelings you’re happy and in love now biss so guess what you’re getting ALL the fluff ‘cause it’s what y’all deserve.
Dream introduced you to everyone as fellow ruler of his realm pretty much straight after your first kiss (my man intense). As soon as he took you by the hand and led you back to the throne room, his hands settled on your shoulders and turned you to face the erratic shards of the stained glass windows. ‘Everything I have’, you feel him whisper against your ear as soft as mist, ‘everything I am... it is also yours.’ He reaches round to tilt your cheek up, until the back of your head is flush against his chest and he’s able to run his finger down the curve of your neck. ‘If you so wish. I will be yours forever... in both dreams and the waking world. Wherever you need me, or want me. I will be there.’
To be completely honest, too many times he’s been afraid that you’ve still left him, so overwhelmed by everything. All that panic twisting in his gut, only to find you talking over Rose Walker’s dream journal in the library. You’re standing near ear to ear with Lucienne, the two of you bumping fingers and pouring over the contents to understand where exactly her poor brother is, the whole time Mervyn yapping at your side. I mean, they all adore you from the get go: they’ve seen over the last few decades how the mere thought of you has been the only thing stopping Morpheus from spiralling too far into despair. As soon as your feet stepped down onto the whirling sand, you were marked as a pretty integral part of the dreaming, human or not.
Plus, all the ravens that you’ve found encroaching on your roof and landing to hop on your shoulders in the waking world finally make sense. Lucienne was under strict orders to keep an eye on you, to make sure you were safe at all times.
Or you’ll wander off, and Dream will come sauntering away from the palace and down the winding path towards the House of Secrets, knowing from instinct that it’s where he'll find you. That same tide tugs him forwards forward into the suffocating mists, until he emerges in front of a pile of crumbling dirt and sees your smile alight the dusk, as piercing and ruinous as the sun. Goldie is perched upon your shoulder, squawking and sneezing into your eyes from time to time. You just laugh, and the sound is enough to double Dream over in grievous endearment. Abel is sitting by your right, still half-leaning in the pit as he giggles and continues his wild story about the King of Dreams from long ago. You turn around only when you hear a rare chuckle, finally spotting Dream standing with his eyes crossed behind you, and an amused eyebrow raised at you and your friends’ antics.
You expect him to ask you to leave, or to at least lead you inside, but to your surprise he sweeps his coat behind him and takes a seat on the squishing dirt beside you. He doesn’t settle until he feels his knee rest against your own, doesn’t feel comfortable while Abel continues spouting his story, until you take his hand and cradle it in your lap. It’s cold, almost contorted like the first dawn’s mist against your skin, but even now it shakes in your hold. It almost makes you laugh: the mystical, awe-striking, beyond marvel King of Dreams so terrified of loving you that he’s shaking like a barn mouse hiding from the overwhelming world around it. The same man who had spent over one hundred years locked like a Greek statue behind solid glass, only to be finally brought to his knees by the one thing he could never escape: his soul’s serendipity.
Eventually the clouds begin to roll over the stars, as if the sky’s painter had thrown buckets of brown paint over her canvas and left the streaks of ribbed sand to sparkle across the gloominess. Yet the King of Dreams just sits there, still as stone, not even daring to look down at you despite how much fondness tugs him too. Sometime during the night your head has fallen against his shoulder and you’ve fallen asleep against the warmth of his coat. He doesn’t want to move you, until eventually he leans down to kiss your head. He joins you in some of the sweetest dreams he can muster: the two of you lounging out amidst a field of flowers on the eve of spring. The firecracker reds and warm sugar plum violets frame his smiling face and the glimmer in his eyes as he lies admits the reeds, gazing up at you. He begrudgingly allows you to weave daisy petals into his hair, after a while of him running after you through the meadows and picking you up, holding you hostage in his arms until you promise not to tell his family about it.
Speaking of, when you eventually get to meet his sister Death, she loves you just as much (or even more) than her brother does straight away!!! She just immediately wraps you up in a big, excited, squealing, full body hug before tugging you off by the arm and leading you off towards the coastal market. She leaves a very confused and huffy Dream to fend for himself for a while, or perhaps gives him the time to visit his old friend Hob at the New Inn. She leads you to her favourite quaint ice cream parlour, where the two of you spend the afternoon sharing a sundae as siblings do, out on the arching thatch seats. Eventually she squints through the sunlight to look at you a little more seriously. ‘That’s the happiest I’ve ever seen my brother, like... ever I think! Thank you. No, seriously, thank you. He’s had enough time to sulk about, it’s good to see him look himself again.’
You and Dream reconvene in the square and spend the rest of the day feeding his treasured pigeons. He keeps looking at you out of the corner of his eyes with that twitching-lip smirk, with all the stars and constellations in the universe burning in them. He tries to be smooth, stealing a pinch of your baguette and throwing the crumbs at you, just to be able to wipe them off. His slender fingers brush over the pulse point on your neck like butterfly wings flitting over the dawning petals of a blooming rose. Then up to your chin, then gliding upwards till they’re hunched, tracing over the outline of your lips. Your heart fizzes as he leans down to kiss you for the first time ever in public, his frame shadowing you, yet bottom lip so welcoming and caressing as he brushes between your own.
Too often has Lucienne walked into the throne room, only to have to clear her throat to try and get Morpheus’ attention. He has his coat wrapped around the two of you like an inky bat like cocoon, sitting together on his throne as you read through the latest census. He stops every so often out of wild amusement when you gasp and point out a new entity. In pride at how well accustomed you’re becoming to his work that he carefully kisses your forehead and leans his own against it.
When it’s raining he’s the type to look confused at first as to why you’re shivering under your jacket and trying to run under London arches. Eventually it finally clocks in his head and he takes his coat off, holding it over your head during the whole journey to your destination, getting soaked himself by the smacking downpour nonchalantly. It’s a kind of second nature, to protect you, that he doesn’t even bat an eyeliner lined eyelid anymore. It’s innate and as natural, easy to him as dreaming.
Sometimes you’ll find Dream skulking around the palace steps like a disgruntled skunk recently kicked out of a bin, still upset after the events with John Dee. Lucienne and Matthew have attempted every possible solution to talk him out of it, but you’re the only one who can bring him back round. The only presence in any realm that feels more like himself than he does. The only one that understand his every idiosyncrasy, every twitch of his face, until you’re sitting by his side as one entity. He’s too stubborn to ever admit it, but he does indeed like it when you trace your pointer finger down the tip of his nose before tapping twice against his lips as if mockingly chiding him. He always peers down above his bottom lashes with wide, almost crossed eyes as he tries to follow you, but it does ground him again. Eventually, without anything even being said, he groans and jumps up to a stand with a ‘thank you, you’re right... of course... my dream’, and then saunters off again as if he owns the catwalk.
He tries to take you out to visit other dreams, even though you’re still terrified of the waters. He slides his fingers between your own, pulling them up to rest above his heart on the docks. He carefully and calmly talks you through everything that’s about to happen, and how he will be in control of every whiff and whim that could occur. He’s still a dramatic ass though, so before he’s even finished counting down to one he’s pulled you off the decking and into the swirling depths. In the darkness, you grasp onto him like a lifeline as he pulls you further down into the macrocosm than you ever thought possible.
It is worth it though... perhaps after a lot of snuggling and apologies from Dream. You end up in the dreams of young Irish man: one who hopes to become a zoologist after his time at university. You get to enjoy a peaceful night in a canopy beneath the stars, lying side by side with Dream as he points out the constellations that swirl gold like koi fish in the grand pond of the sky. He’s still not quite used to physical touch, which is why he seems to start and flinch back when you wind your arm to rest and rub above his abdomen. He’s spent so long... so so long never really getting much attention, or care from his family, so you’ll have to coax him into realising he can trust and relax in your presence. He does eventually let his guard down after a few hours of cuddles, until he eventually slides to sit up and falls dramatically over your knees. It’s the first time he’s ever allowed you to play with his hair, lying there in the darkness as normal lovers set alight do.
I mean, you’re family, right??? Dream begs you to come along to the family get together dinner (mainly so he can have a sparring partner of equal wit and finally get one up on his sibling Desire). He swaps the placards said sibling placed around the fire-lit table so you’re sitting next to him instead of Delirium. Between meals Dream takes your hand under the table and places it on his knee, stroking his thumb over your palm to try and calm himself down. Desire catches wind (thanks to an eagle eyed Despair), and makes some bitter laced remark with a growl of their lips, flick of their hand and sip of their red wine. This ends up with you lunging for him over the candelabra, with Death barely holding you back and Dream leaning back in his seat with a grin so wide on his face he looks like a smug, satisfied cat lmao
#the sandman#the sandman imagine#sandman#dream of the endless#morpheus#dream#morpheus imagine#dream of the endless imagine#dream imagine#sandman imagine#neil gaiman#tom sturridge#the sandman x reader#sandman x reader#morpheus x reader#dream of the endless x reader#dream x reader#the sandman headcanons#sandman headcanons#morpheus headcanons#dream of the endless headcanons#dream headcanons#desire of the endless#death of the endless#despair of the endless#delirium of the endless#lucienne#matthew#mervyn pumpkinhead#rose walker
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𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐞𝐧
[woman reader] [poc friendly] [platonic/mentions of marriage]
A/n: The amount of chaos in this show gives me enough fuel to live.
You were brought into the family's sights by befriending Rhaenyra. She honestly didn't mind your family's upbringing, that didn't take away how much of an amazing friend you were to her. A sturdy shoulder to cry on, braiding her hair when bored, gifting her handmade trinkets (that, despite their name, held unlimited value to her) and just being an overwhelmingly calming presence for the princess.
The gift giving isn't one sided either! She'll sneak you some silk blouses, ruby earrings and books with intriguing plots. Only the best for her dearest friend. Only the magnificent.
Eventually, you'll have to meet the family considering the fact that you're great friends with the Rhaenyra Targaryen. They arrange a dinner for introductions to be made, and in that night, you've got them by their throats.
Aemma thinks you're beyond the sweetest girl that has ever graced King's Landing. Viserys shares her feelings and this reflects by the way they treat you as if their blood runs through you. Daemon isn't as welcoming as them at first, considering, his personality is hostile to everyone that he isn't used to.
But, surely, his brain starts to spark when he finally sees what Rhaenyra saw in you. He suddenly feels the urge to protect you from each and every small thing in the world, seeking you out during events so he can take his place next to you and basically acting as your guard dog.
The family pays no mind whenever someone regrettably mentions that fact that you're not of Targaryen blood. Well, they do pay mind to that statement. The poor person gets their tongue taken out.
No matter if you're not related to them in any way by blood, you're treated as such.
They never let you get swooned by someone unworthy of your love or even a simple glance of yours their way. Daemon and Rhaenyra are the ones that practically gatekeep your heart. Checking the status of those that try and marry you, take you away from them, and send them off. Even if you were about to be swooned by the person, Daemon and Rhaenyra are there to pull you back to the ground by your knees.
They were simply not worthy of you.
Of course, Aemma and Viserys are more than glad to see you marry someone that makes your heart practically burst with love. But on the condition that you stay living in the castle with your family.
They wouldn't be able to bear seeing you leaving them. Even though they practically took you from your biological family, but, don't mention it unless you want the war drums to start playing.
The Targaryens make sure you are treated the way you deserve. Before them, you lived in a village with dangerous people walking the alleys with no repercussions. Leaving you in the hands of danger each and every night. They'd never let you go through that again.
You share a bedroom with your dearest and closest friend, Rhaenyra. Leaving the both of you with Criston Cole as your sworn protector right outside the room. You're protected with them, no one is allowed to set their dirty paws onto you.
When chaos erupts during the wedding of Ser Laenor and Rhaenyra, people have their eyes set on keeping you and the soon to be queen safe. Ser Harwin punches his way through the crowd before finding the two of you sat together, throwing the both of you over his shoulders.
*Bonus* During the dinner of The Lord of the Tides, when Viserys is giving his speech and says "Not only as your king but as your Father, Husband, grandsire", he turns to look at you affectionately when he says father. [I probably messed up the dialogue I'm so sorry]
Eventually, the Velaryons and High towers join the melting pot.
#house of the dragon#yandere hotd#yandere rhaenyra#rhaenyra headcanons#rhaenyra targaryen x y/n#rhaenyra targaryen x reader#rhaenyra x reader#daemon x reader#daemon targeryen x reader#Hbo max#house of the dragon headcanons#house of the dragon x reader#yandere got#yandere headcanons#yandere x reader#yandere family#yandere Daemon
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Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death
Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.
Special thanks to @ashanimus!
This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:
1. This is my fave animated show of all time
2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter
3. I work as a therapist,
I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.
A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.
Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist
His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.
But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).
Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.
I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:
They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.
However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.
Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:
A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.
That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:
I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.
However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.
Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:
whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.
The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.
I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.
The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.
I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):
But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.
When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.
His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.
We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:
Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)
Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)
Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)
Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)
Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)
Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)
Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)
Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)
Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)
Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)
The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.
This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.
While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.
This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.
You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.
But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.
Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.
Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.
It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.
1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:
compared to
2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:
I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.
The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?
There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:
He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:
and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.
Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.
To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.
What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.
It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:
There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.
Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.
I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.
The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.
Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:
will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.
It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.
It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.
But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".
This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.
For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.
Basically this on a much bigger scale:
whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:
But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.
He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?
What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.
I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.
The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.
The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.
I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.
This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".
Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.
With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.
If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.
Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.
While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:
Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.
Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.
Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.
The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.
However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.
What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.
In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:
1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),
and
2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.
This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.
As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.
As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.
Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).
The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:
where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.
For Hunter, these could look like the following:
Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.
A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.
Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".
Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.
The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.
I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.
The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon.
In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.
From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me.
After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.
Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.
Part 2: Therapy Itself
Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:
Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:
I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.
We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).
Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.
If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.
My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.
In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.
But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.
Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).
We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).
If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.
Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.
Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.
Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.
Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.
Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.
And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.
Because this post-traumatic growth right here?
This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.
It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.
The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.
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Random, but I gotta get this out before me head explodes:
So, I had a dream of how King's Tide would end. Let's say that everything worked as it did, except Collector took away Belos's powers and turned him back into a human. Somehow, during all the madness, Luz and Belos end up getting knocked into the portal. Ofc, it's only there for one trip. The pain of the Draining Spell has already been reversed by the Collector. Luz is panicking and Belos is slightly joyful about being in the Human Realm, but then immediately gets pissed when he realized his work was never done. His staff got pushed inside the portal by Collector, so he uses it again. She tries to persuade him all "Hey, hey! You wouldn't shoot a defenseless, small, teenage....." She then stops when she sees Belos raise an eyebrow at her and dashes off into the woods.
Luz continues running away as Belos chases after her, shooting more of the artificial magic at her as she tries to get away. She goes towards a road and continues to run across it, hoping to lose him. However, everything suddenly becomes slow as a truck begins speeding toward her. Luz simply turns her head towards the headlights and her eyes widen, making her think that her life can't end here. It just can't! Not with everyone suffering in the Demon Realm.
As the truck tries to brake, Luz suddenly levitates and gets pulled back to the side of the road. She breathes heavily as she holds onto whoever's arm is around her and turns to see Belos, staring in complete shock. He doesn't know what else to say except "What is....*that*?" Luz then looks back at the truck as the driver comes out and profusely apologizes to her and her "grandfather". She takes a deep breath and asks Belos "So....still need that guide?"
This is how the two slowly get to know each other and somewhat bond. They get close but in a frenemy kind of way. Like you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours kind of truce. Belos teaches Luz more about the sigils, while Luz teaches Belos about the Earth.
Belos's biases get challenged as he learns more about how Earth has changed and even Luz's gets challenged, as she learns slowly about Belos's past. Even though she does not forgive him, she understands that it's not like her books. It's not nearly as straight and narrow as it is to say someone's evil. There were complexities and reasons for actions, none justifiable but still. It makes things more complicated for her when she realizes that anyone can go down this path.
....Insert people loving Belos's staff and cosplay x3
Idk if ANY of this makes any sense or even is remotely good. But it sounds like fun and a way to get to know a more "human" Belos. He probably would still die in the end, but I feel like it would come from a sense of closure than defeat. Plus, bonus suffering when they get back as he tries to kill Luz once more after the Collector takes over him, but then stops when he sees Caleb's ghost protecting her.
#the owl house#long post#toh headcanon#toh#toh au#luz noceda#philip wittebane#emperor belos#tour guide au
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Maybe a request, you can ignore if you don't like the idea tho!
What about f!reader pegging one of the turtles headcanons? i'd ask specifically for Donnie in this one.
😬 gonna be real here anon-chan. i’m so glad you’re here but i’m not sure i’m the one to fill this request. see, the problem with sending this to me is that i am a bottom. i am like super bottom. pegging isn’t really my thing. but! the people i would send you to have requests closed right now, so i will do my best to tide you over until you can ask someone else. i am sorry in advance.
edit: uhhhhhhhhhh spicy. so spicy. i uh cannot emphasize enough, 🌶️🌶️🌶️
It definitely starts as an experiment, something he’s heard about and wants to try. When you do, he finds that he loves it. He loves it a Lot.
He creates a strap specifically designed to maximize pleasure for both of you. It takes him a couple of attempts to get it right. The less said about that the better. It’s worth it though, for what he ends up with. A double-sided strap-on, thick and heavy on one side for him and a rabbit on the other side for you. It vibrates. Everywhere.
He always makes sure to get you off before asking you to peg him. The more he wants it, the more orgasms he gives you first. One of his favorite things to do is fuck you with his fingers until you’re practically insensate and then ride you.
Even better when you suggest it. He gets this look on his face and practically tackles you onto the bed. He’s so happy that you enjoy this too that he gets overeager. The clothes practically fly off. Still, he’s the king of prep. Neither of you is doing anything with the strap-on until you’re both ready.
He loves that you can share this experience, getting to fuck someone you love. When he can, he’ll pay attention to how you fuck him and use that knowledge to absolutely devastate you when it’s his turn. You didn’t think he could get better at fucking you, but he proves you wrong.
His favorite thing. Is when you first bottom in him. He’ll whine and beg for more, even knowing you can’t go any further.
~~~~~~~
i. i’m sorry that’s all i’ve got headcanon-wise. however, a little blurb DID pop into my head that’s uh more my speed and therefore might be a little better? maybe? anyway it won’t leave me alone so here you go, a little extra for you. featuring donnie topping from the bottom.
edit: uh. well! that wasn't supposed to happen. what. enjoy?
~~~~~~~
Donnie whines as you bottom in him, and you shudder before forcing yourself to still. You are desperate to rub against the smooth silicone pressing into your clit, but you know what will happen if you do. You try to think about anything else as he continues to whine and pant and writhe, getting used to the strap-on inside of him. He sounds so beautiful, and you answer his whine with a moan of your own. His eyes pop open, and his lips twitch upward.
“Are you ready, baby?” He laughs lowly at how quickly and violently you nod your head, then stretches to reach the bed stand. You can see the way his movement causes him more pleasure, your cock deep inside of him rubbing against his walls. He picks up the remote that haunts your dreams.
The lowest setting immediately sets you to shaking, but you don’t move yet. “Good girl!” Donnie’s praise goes straight to your core, and you can only whine in response. “Look at me. Don’t look away. I want to see you.” You raise your head from where it had fallen to your chest. The desire in his eyes sends an electric thrill through you that causes you to practically gush around the dildo deep inside of you. You start shaking harder for a different reason.
Donnie takes a deep breath and squirms as the vibration courses through him as well. He gets a wicked look in his eye, and an alarm goes off in the part of your brain that isn’t mush. Before you can say a word, he ups the vibration and thrusts upward, pushing the strap-on deeper into you.
You feel the sheets stretch underneath your fingers as your whole body stiffens, desperately holding back the urge to match the way he’s grinding into you. You cannot hold back the scream or the tears though. It takes everything in you to keep your eyes on Donnie. The satisfaction on his face as he drags you to the edge once again does not help with your struggle, and he knows it.
His eyes go half-lidded with his own pleasure as he continues to grind into you. His hand that’s not holding the remote comes up and presses into your lips. You obediently open your mouth and his thumb snakes in and holds your tongue down. “You’re doing so good for me, darling. So, so good.” You hold his gaze, trying to convey your desperation. You’re not sure you could speak even if his fingers weren’t in your mouth.
Donnie leans up and his tongue joins his fingers. He leisurely maps out your mouth, as if he has all the time in the world. Your moan is garbled with all of him in your mouth. He pulls back, hand leaving your mouth and stretching around your neck instead. He stares at you, still grinding hard, and waits. You swallow and open your mouth.
“D-Donnie… please… please!”
His smile is wicked as he clicks the vibration higher, causing both of you to gasp. “A-alright love. You can move.” You barely catch yourself from dropping your head in relief, then you pull back and start to thrust.
~~~~~~~
head bonks: @yorshie @avery73 @justalotoffanfiction @thejudiciousneurotic @writinandcrying
#tmnt#bayverse donnie#bayverse donnie x reader#theory tag#writing tag#that was#supposed to be like a couple of paragraphs#i#maybe i'm more into pegging than i realized#anYWAY
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Luz’s Softness in Thanks to Them
We all knew Luz was going to have an angst arc in Thanks to Them. Her angst had been building long before then, and King’s Tide was the final straw.
Angst is popular in characters like Amity and Hunter, who act cold and mean as a result of deep pain on the inside. If they cry, it’s in secret, hidden away from anyone who might see through their confident persona. The “bad but sad boy” / “I act like I don’t care but I secretly do” type, to quote Luz.
That’s not what Luz does. Luz cries multiple times in front of others in Thanks to Them, and even has an emotional outburst in front of her teacher in classmates.
It’s the classroom scene that has a lot of people saying Luz is being “cringey,” and that they have to cover their eyes from “second-hand embarrassment.” I’ve seen post after post mocking that scene, saying Luz needs to “sit down and shut up” and that she has a “y/n complex.”
Whether a vulnerable person gets sympathy or ridicule from others is based on mysterious standards of what are acceptable and unacceptable ways to act when we are at our worst. And what is acceptable for some isn’t acceptable for others (white favoritism, especially in the fandom’s response to Hunter’s over-the-top emotional displays vs Luz).
Luz’s outburst in the classroom was highly impulsive and not something many would do, but Luz doesn’t know how to ask for help, not when she feels too guilty to confide in her friends and family.
Luz is at best passively suicidal in TTT. It’s actually one of the first times she DOESN’T see herself as the main character, she sees herself as the selfish villain, the “evil Lucy” rather than the good witch Azura. Her self esteem is at an all time low, to where she doesn’t think she truly deserves love.
It’d be so easy to lock herself away, bottle those feelings inside and turn cold. Many thought this was the direction her character was headed in. And Luz does indeed isolate and keep her inner feelings secret.
But she remains soft and tender-hearted, constantly cheering on her friends and supporting Hunter through his hardships even when she herself is at her worst. She even lets her silliness peek through, calling a possum a “little angel.”
Despite her low self esteem, she very clearly WANTS someone to help her and intervene. She wouldn’t have had the classroom outburst if she didn’t think there was some worth in making her feelings clear, some hope that someone might respond to her and perhaps tell her something different. Which makes it even more heartbreaking when the class gives her a weirded out look and then ignores her.
If someone behaves this way in real life, it should be taken as a serious warning sign, not as a “Oh my god that’s so cringe” moment.
You can see multiple times in the episode Luz fighting her depression, like when she goes to cuddle with Camila. When she asks Camila to let her stay in her bed, it struck me how amazing she really is for being able to do that.
Luz feels she doesn’t deserve to live, yet she still desperately wants to. She wants to hold on so much that she manages to seek comfort, despite her guilt telling her she shouldn’t be receiving it.
When I was her age and in her mental state, I didn’t have the ability to do something like that. Seeking help when you’re in that kind of state is one of the hardest things to do, and Luz does it multiple times.
For people to call her a cringey embarrassment for having an outburst is in very poor taste, and a bad sign for how we view signs of mental illness in real life.
Not everyone who angsts will be like Hunter and Amity, becoming aggressive and/or cold towards others. Not everyone can hide behind thick skin. Some become softer and more sensitive, cry more easily. The latter is in fact the healthier and often more difficult option.
Some expected a cold, withdrawn cynic, hiding away her emotions. Instead we got a messy, tender-hearted girl desperately seeking help in impulsive outbursts.
The fandom is finally starting to focus on her angst and trauma, but let’s not forget the strength that lies in her unfaltering softness as well.
Luz is a loving, kind, strong, beautiful disaster, and she deserves better from this fandom.
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give your tears to the tide — nikolai lantsov.
series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox
─── summary: now that he knows, nikolai lantsov is the only soul in the world aware of the truth at the heart of her. for better or worse.
─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)
─── warnings: sexual assault tw! (off-screen, not descriptive), serious angst, character death (minor character), manslaughter, mentions of the army (in a canon context). this one's a lil dark. hurt/comfort. trauma. nikolai learns that anya is grisha except it's in the worst way possible and he behaves like a fucking king. threats of violence. i realise this plot would've been a lot more believable if anya were a heartrender or squaller but i fully believe in my heart that she's a tidemaker so suspend your belief for five minutes pls and thank you.
─── word count: 2.8k.
─── taglist: @naushtheaspiringauthor / @a-taken-url / if you'd like to be added to the taglist let me know!
There's a body in the corner and the stable floor is soaked through with water. It seeps through the fabric of her army-issue trousers, clinging and cold, but Anya can hardly feel it. The ground is hard beneath her, but still she sits, with her knees pulled up to her chest, and she watches. She waits. She prays to Saints she doesn't really believe in that the body in the corner will twitch, or breathe, or something.
But it doesn't, and it won't, and there's no Saint in the world that can save her now.
That's how Nikolai finds her. Not long after curfew, when she didn't check in with their commanding officer before dinner, he'd known something was off. In all the months he has served with her in their unit, he cannot recall a time when she was late for anything. Nikolai didn't think she was even capable of such a thing, really, so he'd asked Dominik to cover for them and slipped off to look for her as everyone got ready for bed.
He checks the gardens first. More often than not, he'll find Anya laying on a bedroll beside her tent, watching the sun set over the horizon. She'd count the stars as they came into view and once, when she'd been feeling particularly tolerant, she'd even invited him to sit with her so they could point out constellations. It is a rare day when he doesn't set her teeth on edge, so he'd joined her eagerly and listened, enraptured, as she told him all about the stars and their stories.
Those same stars glitter overhead now, winking mockingly at him, but there is no one to be found in the gardens. The estate their unit is staying at on their way north belongs to some baron whose name Nikolai doesn’t care to remember, and it isn't too large, but even so, he checks the gardens again.
Just in case.
Nikolai sighs to himself, unable to think of where she might be, before he notices a light in the distance. Everyone else has gone to bed, and the officers are drinking and playing cards in the drawing room, so why would there be anyone in the stables this late? Why would Anya be there?
He doesn't dwell on the thought for longer than a moment. If it is her, then his worries will ease, and that's enough to send him striding down the dirt track that leads to the stables.
As he nears, the ground beneath his feet grows soggy with muck. An odd trickling sound catches his attention, and when he squints into the dark, he notices a small stream of water escaping through a crack in the doorway.
Nikolai pushes the unlocked door open, wincing as the hinges shriek. One of the horses chuffs at the sudden sound, but otherwise the room remains silent as a grave. The sudden draft makes the lantern flicker where it hangs from its hook, and as his eyes adjust to the dim light, he realises that he is not alone in the stable.
"Anya?" Even though his voice is little more than a murmur, it still feels too loud. The sound of it rattles off the walls, and he can't help but flinch, but the girl curled up on the floor doesn't move. Doesn't raise her head, or even really seem to breathe.
He creeps closer. Dread settles over him like a burial shroud. Old bits of hay crunch beneath his feet and the lantern spits, but the pit in his stomach only grows as he takes in Anya's appearance.
Her hair straggles around her face in limp, damp strands. When Nikolai last saw her, it had been neatly braided and pinned, but now honey-coloured strands hang loose and messy. Her skin is damp, too, and pale. So pale, white as a corpse, and a flash of panic rolls through him.
"Anya, come on." He kneels on the ground beside her. Cold, dirty water seeps into the knees of his trousers. He reaches out with gentle hands, but doesn't touch her. They merely hover above her shoulders, as if to offer comfort he isn't sure she'll accept. Not from him. "What are you doing out here? You're soaked, and it's freezing. Let's get you inside before you get ill."
Anya doesn't look at him. Her stare is fixed, unwavering, on a dark corner of the stables. There's something hollow and hopeless about them that makes him feel sick.
A long moment passes, and then— "I didn't mean to."
He doesn't think he's ever heard her sound like this before. Doesn't think he's heard anyone sound like this before. "What? Anya, what are you talking about?"
"I didn't mean to." Her voice is brittle. The words are shards of broken glass on her tongue. Every one of them slices her open. Makes her bleed. "I... It was an accident. I didn't... I swear, I didn't even..."
She wavers at the end, trailing off into a heavy silence. When she looks at him then, eyes so wide and frightened, Nikolai swears his heart grinds to a halt. That look cuts him deeper than any blade ever could.
"Anya." Concern wavers in the depths of his eyes, and finally he reaches out to touch her. Gentle hands clasp her shoulders. She's so cold. He wonders how long she's been sitting out here. "What happened? Where did all this water come from?"
Anya swallows roughly. Her lower lip quivers. Every part of him wants to hold her close, as if that will chase away all her demons, but he knows she won’t allow it. "Me. Or... him, maybe. I don't know. I didn't mean to do it, I just—"
A choked sob cuts her off, and Anya buries her face in her hands. There's no doubt that she probably wishes anyone else had found her out here, rather than the boy who teases and goads her relentlessly. She doesn't even like him, really.
Yet he's the one who noticed she was missing.
"Anya. Nastya, look at me." The childhood nickname falls from his tongue before he can stop it, and he squeezes her shoulders once, a little too harshly, to pull her focus back. "Tell me what happened."
"I came down to check on the horses. Maksim asked to swap duties with me so he could run into town and post a letter to his mother." Anya's hands begin to shake violently. She curls them into fists and presses them hard against her thighs to make them stop. "I was just finishing up when— Fuck, I don't even know him. He was only just assigned to our regiment. Lenkov, I think? Saints, I killed him and I don't even remember his name." She manages a short, sharp laugh. She almost sounds hysterical.
"Anya." A sudden chill sweeps over Nikolai, as if someone dumped a bucket of ice over his head.
Anya shakes her head. "I didn't even notice he was in here. And then he— he grabbed me, and he put his hand around my throat and shoved me up against the wall and told me to shut up even though I wasn't even screaming, I couldn't scream, I couldn't— And he started pulling at my shirt, and I didn't even think, I just did it. I remembered seeing them do it, the hand gestures, I didn't even know what they meant, I just wanted him to get off me."
A thousand thoughts sweep through him all at once, but the only thing Nikolai cares about is the tremor in Anya’s voice, the shaking of her hands as she gestures to the corner. He sees the body slumped over in a puddle. Bits of straw stick to the fabric of his uniform. The familiar emblem of Ravka winks back at Nikolai, as if the double eagle is sneering at him, but there is nothing here to be ashamed of.
"Can you stand?" he asks.
She looks up at him sharply. "What? Nikolai, I just told you—"
"Can you stand, Anya?" Her name sits like a lead weight on his tongue. He says it firmly, harsher than he wants to be, but there's a manic look in her eye he's never seen before. Not on her. He needs to keep her attention, her focus, away from the body in the corner. Away from the blood on her hands.
She nods, once. "I think so."
"Alright." Nikolai pushes himself up from the ground, and tries not to shiver at the way his damp trousers stick to his skin. The beginnings of a plan begin to formulate in his mind, and when Anya looks him in the eye, the certainty she finds there begins to set her at ease. "You're going to go back to the manor. Sneak in through the side entrance. Make sure nobody sees you. Go to the library. It should be empty. I'll meet you there in an hour."
"Nikolai."
"Go, Anya." They're not friends. She's made that abundantly clear so many times these last few months, but the way she's looking at him now, with her heart split wide open, makes him want to hold her tight and never let go. "I'll deal with this."
And somehow, because she trusts him — Saints, she cannot believe she actually trusts him — she forces her stiff limbs to carry her out of the door and away from the chaos she caused.
When she dares to cast a glance back of her shoulder, she finds the dim light extinguished, flooding the stables with shadows.
An oil lamp flickers on the table, dim enough that it won't cast any light beneath the door, and Anya has to squint in order to decipher the look on Nikolai's face when he sneaks into the library nearly an hour later.
A deep frown has etched itself into his features, and Anya’s chest seizes at the sight of it. She cannot recall a day in her life where Nikolai wasn’t smiling. There are lines carved on each side of his mouth, even at the age of sixteen, that bear the echo of his good humour.
She cannot stomach that she is the reason for that frown.
He doesn't say anything as he presses a glass bottle into her hands, before settling himself into the low armchair opposite. When she removes the stopper, it smells suspiciously like brandy.
"What have you done with him?"
There are still flecks of dirt stuck beneath Nikolai's fingernails, even though he scrubbed his hands nearly raw in the kitchens just now. Streaks of mud stain the hems of his trousers. A faint scent of soil lingers in the air.
"Do you really want to know?" Nikolai hadn't felt all that terrible as he'd rolled Lenkov's body into a shallow grave at the edge of the property. Perhaps he should have. But every time the guilt tried to creep in, the memory of Anya curled up on the stable floor would flash through his mind, and every shovelful of dirt became a little easier to bear.
Come morning, their superior officer will find a scribbled letter in Lenkov's bunk and assume he is a deserter. The reputation that will earn him is not nearly as bad as he deserves, but it will do. It’s not like he’ll live to harm anyone else.
Nikolai nods at the bottle in her hands. "Drink, Anya."
It's odd, really. Watching her follow instructions. His instructions, at least. Nikolai is used to her battling him. More often than not, his remarks are usually met with a snarky retort or an outright insult.
As her lips close around the bottle and she swallows a sip of the brandy he stole, he decides he doesn't like her silent. He doesn't like it at all.
When she's done, she holds the bottle out towards him like a peace offering. He takes his own long swallow of brandy and relishes the burn as it slides down his throat.
"Why did you help me?" Anya’s voice wavers as she speaks, though she tries her best to steady it. In this light, Nikolai cannot quite see her expression, but he knows, somehow, that she's frowning. A little dip appearing between her brows. He's so familiar with it, has dreamed of smoothing it over with his thumb until she smiles at him. In his dreams, it’s the sort of smile that could cure any ill in the world.
He chuckles and downs another sip. "Would you prefer I stand silently by as they arrest you? Sit in the crowd at your tribunal? Would you rather I watch as they lead you to the gallows and hang you for murder?"
Her breathing turns ragged. "It wasn't murder—"
"The First Army hates Grisha, Anya." There's no venom in his tone, but she flinches all the same. His eyes soften as he passes the bottle back to her. "You think they'd care if it was an accident? Or self-defence? All they would see is you, a Grisha who hid her powers and infiltrated the ranks of the First Army, killing one of their own. There would be no saving you from that."
The statement hangs in the air between them like a noose. The gas lamp spits and crackles.
"My parents hid it. Not me." She takes a large swig of the brandy and clutches the bottle close to her chest, as if it's a shield. "I was... Saints, maybe eleven, when I started to show. My mother cut my hand when the Grisha testers came so they couldn’t test me.”
Anya’s hand flexes slightly, as if she is even aware she’s doing it. There’s still a thin white scar hidden in the crease of her palm.
“After that,” she says, “my parents stopped bringing me to court. Told everyone that my health was fragile and that I wasn't well enough to travel."
Nikolai nods, humming beneath his breath. He remembers that. One summer Anya was there, screaming through the gardens of the Grand Palace with him and Dominik and some of the other children, and then she was gone. She'd only appear once or twice a year afterwards, at the Winter Fête or his brother’s birthday ball, and her mother would always keep her close by.
"I am my father's heir." Anya swallows roughly. Affection threads through her voice like strands of gold.
Nikolai had met the Duke of Balakirev a few times as a child, and unlike many other nobles rattling around court in Os Alta, he hadn’t found the man to be ridiculous or, worse, intimidating. He recalls an older man, somewhere in his fifties with ruddy cheeks and silver streaking through his hair, but he had kind eyes. That, Nikolai remembers well.
He sees the same soft blue in Anya’s eyes.
Anya’s heart warms at the memory of him. She last saw him just before she enlisted, months ago, and he’d watched her leave with shining eyes and a worried little pout. He’d tried to smile.
He hadn’t wanted her to know he was afraid.
"I’m his only child.” Anya’s lips form a tight line. “And the Grisha testers would have shipped me off to the Little Palace. I'd be lucky to ever see my parents again, Nikolai. Once you are labelled Grisha, it is a brand you bear for life. It becomes the only thing you are, and I... I love my parents for protecting me. I don't practise or train, I don't... I didn't know what I was doing in the stables. I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted him to stop."
Her voice is quiet, so quiet he can hardly hear her now.
Nikolai wishes Lenkov were still alive, if only so he could rip the man to pieces with his bare hands. A shallow grave isn’t good enough. He should’ve left the body in the woods and let the wolves have him instead.
"I've killed before. We're soldiers. But I never... I didn't mean to..." Anya's voice cracks, and a sob bubbles up in her throat. She presses her palm hard against her mouth, hard enough that her teeth almost pierce the skin, as if that will keep her tears at bay.
Nikolai leans forward. Rests a gentle hand on her knee. She looks at him, eyes glistening with tears. His heart shatters in his chest, and the shards of it dig into his lungs with every breath he takes.
"I won't tell anyone," he says, solemn as the grave. "About what happened, or about you. I swear."
"Thank you."
When daylight comes and Dominik finds them huddled together in a quiet corner of the house, Anya’s head resting against Nikolai’s chest as if the steady rhythm of his heartbeat had soothed her to sleep, he knows something immeasurable has changed between them.
He nudges Nikolai’s foot and quickly ducks out of the room as his friend begins to stir, and he doesn’t know what secret the pair of them share now, but Dominik swears he will take it to the grave, too.
#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lantsov oc#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lantsov fanfic#fyeahgrishaverseocs#shadow and bone oc#shadow and bone fanfic#* chapter update.#* fic: gold rush.
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Spirit of the sea
Izzy Hands x Reader (GN)
You were a member of Blackbeard's crew long ago. Then you became a ghost story. Izzy Hands only sees you in his dreams these days, until he sees you for real when investigating Stede Bonnet. This sets him on a rollercoaster of emotions between you and what his captain is doing.
{Masterlist}
{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}
Warnings: Implied NSFW. Goodbye toe. Hello Kraken.
Edward's heart is broken. Stede, you bitch (affectionately), come get your boyfriend!
Season 2 chapters coming next week!!!
Chapter Nine - Changing of the tides
♡♡♡
Both of you free from mutiny, Izzy goes on to see to his captain. He was elevated to see Edward back onboard. He should have known he would escape even the King.
You made the crew get to work. They did so no questions asked.
You wait for Izzy by the captain's door. When it opens he steps out, he closes the door behind him and turns to you.
"Well?" You ask softly.
"He's, uh... yeah, he's okay."
You look at him a bit more expectantly.
"He's depressed, but he should be okay in a few days..."
"Izzy."
"Apparently he was going to escape with Bonnet and go to China, but Bonnet never showed up. Ed waited all night."
"Shit..."
"You know, I didn't expect that from Bonnet." Izzy sighs.
"How are you?" You ask.
"Fine."
"Izzy..."
"I'm fine. Really. I'm just glad to still be onboard and... and that you're okay too."
You smile at him.
"I'm still trying to accept what you were going to do."
"Izzy, I'm not letting you leave me again."
Izzy watches your face closely as he takes a step forward. He goes to take one of your hands, leaning in a little, but he pulls back when loud crying from the captain's room can be heard.
You both sigh.
♡♡♡
You sit on deck whittling away on a barrel. The crew are mostly pottering about. The ship was as ship shape as could be. Nothing put if place, a clean deck, tidy rigging, polished canons.
Izzy exits the captain's cabin and stands in front of the crew, a cup in his hand.
"Gentlemen! Blackbeard is in fine spirits this morning, and he sends... his regards."
Izzy and yourself had agreed to cover up Edward's depression as much as possible from the crew. There was only so much you could deal with while Edward was in this state.
"He's still a... tad under the weather, but he will be back amongst us soon."
"So, he's sick, but doing well... is the news?" Franchise asks.
"Exactly, yes! And, um, in the meantime, maybe, you could, you know, polish things, or swab the deck." Izzy tried suggesting.
"We already polished twice today." The Swede says.
"Aye, the deck's as swabbed as she gets," Buttons adds in.
Izzy takes a swing of his drink and then spits it out on the deck. "Well, you missed a spot. Have at it, chaps! Dismissed!"
Izzy turns to face you. You offer him a little smile. He sighs.
"Not you, Mr Spriggs." Izzy catches Lucius' arm as he goes to walk past him. "Blackbeard has requested your services. So, no matter what you see or hear, you do not breathe a word under pain of death. Understood?"
"Yeah," Lucius agrees, feeling less than comforted.
"Good. Fuck off."
Lucius walks over and Izzy takes a sip from his cup, looking back at you again. This time you sigh.
♡♡♡
You stand by Buttons who sails the ship. You're watching the horizon when Izzy comes up the steps.
"You got a minute?" He asks.
"Yeah."
You follow Izzy right to the back where you two cam chat quietly alone for a bit. You can see Izzy's tension building in his shoulders.
"How is he?"
"He's stopped crying."
Izzy keeps his eyes out at sea. His hands rest on the railing of the ship, but you can see his knuckles turning white.
"I need to tall some sense into him."
"Be careful, Izzy. I can't pinpoint Edward's emotions. He might lash out if we're not careful."
"Careful?" He chuckles dryly. "Blackbeard is still in there somewhere. I just need to get him out."
"Izzy..."
He turns to look at you. "I have dedicated my life to Blackbeard. My life," he hisses, "and I not about to make it all for nothing."
Izzy pushes off the railing of the ship and walks off. You watch him go.
♡♡♡
Standing on deck watching Ed sing was not what you expected to happen, but you are. Then again, Lucius did say he had been asked to write down some lyrics.
It wasn't the most cheerful of songs.
At least he was out of the cabin now, wearing one of Stede's old robes, but you'll overlook that.
Izzy is sitting next to you. His face full of confusion. You're not sure anyone here understood what was happening.
The crew awkwardly applaud his song.
"That's, uh, really great stuff, Ed." Wee John tells him.
"His name is Blackbeard, or Captain!" Izzy yells.
"Izzy, no, Izzy." Edward stands. "Actually, I do want to be called Edward from now on. And thank you, you guys. It's pretty difficult to lay yourself bare in front of others."
The conversation goes on about others expressing themselves. Buttons sings a note to express himself and Edward gets excited.
"The sheer amount of talent on this ship! Why are we even pirates?" Ed smiles. "You know what? We should have a talent show."
The crew get excited.
Izzy tenses again.
♡♡♡
You head down to Izzy's cabin and see him sitting there with his head in his hands. He had gone to have a word with Edward alone in his room.
After that strange occurrence in deck, Edward had seemed more lighthearted. More open. He had gone back into his room to clean up.
Izzy had taken his chance to have a word with him, showing him who Blackbeard was supposed to be.
Edward got angry, but Izzy was pleased. Blackbeard was still in there somewhere.
"You okay?"
Izzy looks up and sighs. "Fine."
"You gotta stop telling me that. I don't believe you, you know?"
He looks up at you. His eyes look a little tired. It's been a long day.
"Is it too much to want to go back to the way things were?"
You walk over to him and sit down on the bed beside him. Since Edward came back, Izzy had taken back his old cabin. You had returned to sleeping with the crew, but Izzy couldn't deny wanting you to stay.
"Not exactly. I know where you're coming from, I do. But I also know that Stede made him very happy. Doesn't everyone have the right to be happy?"
"Yeah, but what I mean is, we're pirates. We don't get that kind of happiness. We do what pirates should do."
"But can't have love?"
"You can't have both," he says.
You frown as you gaze at the end of your boots. "What of you can?"
Izzy looks at you. You left your head and hold out your hand. Izzy drops his gaze to your palm and finds himself frozen for a moment.
A wooden sparrow.
"You remade it."
"Yeah..."
Izzy reaches out slowly and takes it from you, his fingers gently tickling your palm. He handles the sparrow with care. This one is a little smaller than the last, but it's still as good as the other one.
"Thank you," he whispers.
You look at him. His eyes are still on the sparrow in his hand, but his head is facing to enough to really look him over.
"Izzy, I care about you."
He lifts his eyes to meet yours.
"I always cared about you. Before I became a ghost story, during the entire 6 years I was apart from you, and even now after everything."
A pause. Only the sound of his breathing.
"Izzy, what if we can still be pirates and love someone? Wouldn't you want to know what that feels like? To have what they did?"
He swallows, the muscles in his neck moving under collar.
"I don't want to be weak," he says quietly.
"Who said it would make you weak?"
"Look at fucking Edward."
"You're not Edward. You're Izzy Hands. And I'm not Stede Bonnet."
You can see the way Izzy slightly shudders.
"Izzy, I've been in love with you for years. Figured it didn't mean much in this lifestyle, but I'm taking my chance. I never left you on purpose before, and never plan to. I'm sticking around for as long as you will have me, and nothing about our lifestyle on this ship would change a God damn thing."
A shaky breath escapes past his lips.
"Izzy, if you feel even a slight bit love for me, please share it, because I don't want to go another day without knowing. And if you don't, tell me now. We can go back to how we were."
He shakes his head, eyes glossy, lips parting to day something. No words come out.
You want to reach out and hold him, but he moves first. His lips are on yours before you can even fully comprehend what's happening.
You kiss back eagerly, hands grabbing at anything they can. You pull him closer, needing Izzy Hands as physically close as possible.
Izzy can't let go.
All these years he's been waiting for a moment like this, and now it's here. Finally he has you in his arms. Your lips against his. Your fingers in his hair. Your flesh against his palm.
Never had he thought the day would come when he could have you like this. Those impossible dreams made reality.
Izzy Hands loves you.
You love Izzy Hands.
♡♡♡
Late that night. Izzy and yourself are curled up together in his bed, both naked and tangled in each others limbs. Love in it's moat intimate form between two lovers.
This was supposed to be the best night of his life so far. The day he got to kiss you, hold you, love you.
It all came crashing down.
He had pushed Edward just enough. Just enough to awaken the Kraken.
It was Izzy's gasping scream that woke you. Blackbeard hovered over him. You panicked and screamed as Izzy's little toe was shoved into his mouth. Blackbeard covered his jaw, forcing Izzy to eat it.
"Eat up. That's it. Don't forget to chew."
You cover your mouth, watching. Izzy does as he's told.
"Threaten me again, ever... I'll feed you the rest," Blackbeard states. "Understand?"
"Yes! Yes, Blackbeard. Yes." Izzy nods.
"OK. Clean yourself up and come find me. Much work to do."
Izzy nods.
"And you," Blackbeard looks at you. "Get out. Don't let me catch you with Izzy again."
Blackbeard leaves.
You stare at the door and then turn to Izzy. He loses his smile and rests his head back against the pillow.
Blood stains the bed.
♡♡♡
Everything that belonged to Stede Bonnet is thrown off the ship. The crew made to gather and dispose of everything.
Izzy hobbled around with the help of a cane, his foot bandaged up, and gave out orders. Blackbeard kept you close to his side.
"Blackbeard is himself, again." Izzy spoke proudly to the crew.
Yes, Blackbeard was back. But at the cost of everything else.
You watch Izzy make his way across the deck, yelling at the crew to hurry up. Blackbeard stands menacingly over them.
Your heart aches to hold Izzy again, but you cannot. No. Love is forbidden.
Pirates must be pirates.
♡♡♡
A majority of the crew from the Revenge were taken to a small island in the middle of nowhere, basically.
Frenchie and Jim were the only ones being kept behind. Blackbeard was recruiting for his new crew.
Izzy took them all out there under the impression that was where the talent shown was going to be held.
They fell for it.
Izzy returned to the ship.
You stood beside Blackbeard as he had Jim knocked out, and Frenchie came in.
"I heard you can sew."
Frenchie got the grasp of what was happening and nodded.
Things were falling into place.
♡♡♡
Blackbeard stood at the top of the ship, you on one side, Izzy on the other. It took everything in you not to look at him.
Izzy was in much the same predicament.
Blackbeard drew one of his guns from it's holster and pointed it at Frenchie. The new flag was raised.
Blackbeard was back.
If only Izzy had known. If only there had been a warning for what would happen once Blackbeard returned.
Maybe, just maybe, you'd be able to love each other properly like you wanted.
♡♡♡
@grippleback-galaxy - @askmarinaandothers - @godlikegallagher - @for-fuck-sake-im-alive - @whiskeyswriting - @lxsm2 - @bloody-bunni666 - @the-chocoholic-writer - @bugbugboy - @callmemana - @the-shenny-of-azkaban - @cool-ontherun-world -
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Anyhow, I want people to understand the significance of me crying over TOH ending because. I generally do not cry. It’s hard for me to cry, I feel sadness and grief sure! But tears themselves are difficult. And as much as I love media, it’s very rare and hard for it to make me genuinely cry. Other cartoons and shows I’ve gotten into haven’t done it, but...
The Owl House genuinely made me cry. After the grief of Agony of a Witch, the lonely despair of King’s Tide, and so many other painful moments. The Owl House finally made me sob, genuinely, wails I had to cover up, hot tears, sore eyes and a dripping nose. I heaved and made myself cry even more, because goddamn is there such a relief in the catharsis of feeling this pain, and knowing it means you’ve felt something, you’ve felt happiness to begin with.
So yeah. The Owl House has always been pretty special to me. But I think this expression of how I felt was low key what I was waiting for, working towards, after the finale. The absence hurts, but it makes me appreciate all the more the presence it entails for TOH in my life. For the community, for the experiences, the analyses, the genuine fun and laughter and speculation! The hype and friends I’ve made along the way, me building up my own skills as a reader thanks to this show!
I remember being enamored by The Owl House’s first announcement in February 2018, the first ever, possible public reveal of that show; You could’ve only known it beforehand if you worked at Disney and/or were one of Dana’s friends. Something about Luz, about Eda, about King... The very premise itself, the magic. Something about this show felt special to me, I had a really good feeling about it I couldn’t explain.
I ended up checking Dana’s Twitter obsessively for updates, was excited when she posted this one art of Luz and King having an ice cream run, while Eda was displeased with a little demon trying to get her dessert. I expected mostly casual things, but something about the vibes, the magic and wonder experienced through the lens of Luz... It got to me in a legitimately depressive state of my life.
Because I was depressed. Suicidal, even. It was perhaps the worst phase of my life ever, and I hope it’ll stay that way. The beginning of 2018 felt like me finally getting over the big hurdle, that enormous halfway point at the top, and how it was all relatively smooth, downhill sailing from here. So it feels fitting that it was the beginning of the easier part that TOH was announced for me. All I knew were Luz, Eda, and King; I eventually gave up checking Dana’s accounts for art, because I was SO excited and impatient for this show, inexplicably.
That’s probably why I missed Dana’s little sneak peek of Amity Blight, haha... But anyhow, TOH gave me something to look forward to. Something to live for. And when I finally got a shot of Eda throwing treats to Luz and King, the former taken aback by the eyeball, the latter having it bounce off his skull. It didn’t make it to the final cut obviously, but it was my first glimpse of how the show itself would look.
I was in despair when The Owl House was delayed to 2020; I had to wait another whole year for it! And going from 2018 to 2019 was painful enough as is! But man... Was it worth it. The first teaser, the mystery and wonder it promised. My Bionicle brain freaking out over the reveal of the Boiling Isles as a giant corpse.
And then the theme song. Me learning Luz’s VA, scouring very obscure media to get an idea of how she might sound like. And finally I heard it, we got other announcements; Eda by Wendie Malick, who made perfect sense, and King by Alex Hirsch, cue those obnoxious Bill Cipher theories I still hate to this day!
Some crew members announced cupcakes they made, complete with banners like “Drinkers Coven” and I got hyped for this little content. I wanted to try cashew meringues because of it, and later recognized the repurposed frames of Luz, Eda, and King in actual episodes. I saw some concept art and expressions removed from the show, and was glad to recognize them later, as I did a frame-in-process of Luz wondering about her magical destiny.
I checked Tumblr but it seemed like I was the only person actively anticipating, and not just including TOH as part of a larger collection of media posts. I wanted TOH for itself, someone was curious if it had owls, I scoured the first teaser for a screenshot to satisfy them! I wanted more people in on it! I saw some clips, figured out Luz’s ethnicity from her squealing “Ay que lindo!” in response to King.
I made a few ancient posts, my first TOH post was me admitting I was excited and wondering if anyone else was. It got NO traction, at least not until much, much later... But that didn’t stop me! I had a dream where Luz was revealed to be disabled, her legs were prosthetics and Eda ended up giving her new magic prosthetics styled after owl feet. This would prove weirdly prophetic... Less so, my dream about Luz being the Anti-Christ (this was framed as a good thing), hence why she found the isles.
I speculated Luz was an orphan who had nobody, hence why she found the isles; But then an article mentioned her mother Camila. I went with that spelling until some end credits confused me with a typo that gave us Camilia, which led to a big fandom debate later until Dana clarified.
I analyzed the trailers, trying to figure out the plot and trajectory, wasn’t quite right there. I was happy to see TOH would have full 22-minute episodes, allowing them to get nitty gritty and elaborated, instead of truncated into 11-minute segments. Boy did that pay off, and looking back I can appreciate what a rarity that was, an achievement. People pointed out the anagram for me...
I speculated on the titles, confused bits from Covention with scenes from the first episode, wondered if Escape of the Palisman referred to the tower. And in the end, the first episode finally came out, after I was enjoying Infinity Train Book 2, and I was enamored. It was wonderful, it utterly blew me away and was all I wanted and more. I had to get more! The moment Luz spoke of liking editing anime clips into AMVs and all that other stuff, I felt seen, and that was just the beginning.
I spoke my praises, but alas there was no fandom. The next week, I was surprised to find posts for the next episodes so early, and learned the episode was released ahead of time on DisneyNOW, so I immediately subscribed. I was excited to meet Amity Blight, Willow and Gus; And I was caught by surprise by how openly mean Amity was when she debuted! But I analyzed the sub-text of her actions and dialogue, and was vindicated.
Amity was such a fun and interesting character because she really felt like a puzzle that we unlocked more and more pieces of, to better understand her. And I really got the sense of TOH’s re-contextualization and surprising character continuity, such as when King’s B-plot in one episode actually became the focus of the very next! You could tell the writers really cared about making a deeper story for kids and teenagers.
One nice memory was when I wrote a post appreciating Willow and Luz’s friendship, the idea of Willuz as a ship; I took a shower and went back to check afterwards, and got notes! I analyzed the mechanics of glyphs deeply when they were first revealed, getting nitty-gritty; I remember the events of a few nights and what happened around me writing a post, comparing glyph magic to artificial replication of dragon breath!
I looked for crew art, which alerted me ahead of time to the existence of Emira and Edric, thought I didn’t know their names, and was delighted to learn Amity had older siblings!!! They were hers! Shoutout to @anistarrose who was one of the few people in the tag at this time. I really appreciate that post where you called out people constantly trying to make King into Bill Cipher in a serious manner, and the annoying implications of it. And how you realized a tweet poem by Dana foreshadowed Warden Wrath and the Emperor’s Coven... AND THE CODES TOO!!!
I distinctly remember this one meme video in the tags, a song singing “This girl is a lesbian” as Amity showed up as the punchline. I thought it was cute and loved the idea, I had no clue...! I even tried to analyze the dates on her diary entries because I was so obsessed with the show and wanted more, trying to see if I could figure out a calendar...
Spoiler alert, I didn’t. but it was FUN trying! Putting in all of this unnecessary effort for a detail nobody cared much for, because you could tell the crew were people who did the same, Dana even confirmed it later for herself! I remember being shocked about Eda having a curse, that one theory it was a Blight who did it. I suggested King being the Boiling Isles Titan, some Youtube channel even asked permission to use my post in discussing that theory! I was skeptical but checked and it was legit, and was pleased.
I went through that godforsaken Witch’s Apprentice game, realized too late the artifacts represented each episode and gave hints to the rest of 1A. I watched Look Hoo’s Talking, with Owlyvia and Horus, shout out to those who remember! I was amazed by Eda’s self-awareness in deciding things for Luz, especially after Luz briefly called it out in Covention. I found myself so ATTACHED to the characters, which makes sense since I hyped myself from the start!
I remember being surprised to see King wasn’t an overlord... Or was he? The original 2018 announcement suggested as such, but the way the show played around even after the premiere seemingly disproved it was fun. I speculated on what Luz’s magic track would be, enjoyed fanart of her in Potions as Eda was. Seeing Young Eda was a blast, and I remember being so distraught at the idea of her being cursed! I made a post wailing about it and Cat-Harman Mitchell commented LOL as I ranted about taking vengeance on the curser. Little did I know...!
I was afraid of a cliffhanger with Season 1A, but nope! Eda made it out despite the demon hunters! With a hiatus, I was left impatient and needing more. I scoured crew art, speculated on what Emperor Bellows would be like; Covention’s subtitles mispelled him as such, and Dana had to clarify in a tweet when 1B’s trailer released! I got into deep discussion with @fermented-writers-block about the show, about the mysterious owl mural.
I guess TOH was my first start at really analyzing a show from the start, especially since nobody else was around to do it for me. And coming fresh from reading the meta of those who did inspire me, I went HARD, reasoning that even if it was disproven, the process was fun! I analyzed snake motifs, the mysterious green hand that stole King’s crown. I made a whole diagram about parallels between Luz, between King and the Gildersnake, between ‘human counterparts’ to Amity and Willow and Gus. This definitely fed the revelation of Creepy Luz later on...
But yeah. To think the snakes did pay off with Luz’s palisman Stringbean; Back then people speculated as such with the title’s design, and I’m so happy to see it came through! I speculated on lore, wrote my first TOH fics, The Bile Coven and Amity’s Diary Entries, the latter of which I feel particular pride for since it was a character study of her that proved rather on the spot!
I was obsessed with the worldbuilding, came up with my own ideas. Imagined what Bellows and Kikimora were like. I waited IMPATIENTLY, and even had a dream where Eda was captured by Lilith, Kikimora, and Wrath, as well as some covenscouts... But then it was revealed her curse was a result of possession by the creature depicted on the mural; And it progressed to the next stage of converting her body to its own as she got more feral and escaped on her own!
The airship used by the Emperor’s Coven proved prophetic. And after 1B seemingly disproved this idea, 2A brought it back after all and I was delighted! TOH was and is a show that keeps giving for me, makes me feel rewarded for engaging with it, and is grateful even when I’m wrong, as Any Sport in a Storm’s B-plot attests. I made jokes about King being Mata Nui because I was a Bionicle fan. Someone saw a Grom poster in the background of a shot and suggested Lumity, but I didn’t get my hopes up... Hah.
There was a trailer that alluded to an episode of Luz and Eda in a snowy place; I knew of an article on TOH that mentioned a ‘Witch’s Arena’ at the Knee and guessed this was it. I liked the song that played because I associated it with TOH, found out for myself.
Rebecca Rose, shout out to one of the OGs talking about the show on Youtube! She made a wonderful video discussing Amity’s development and potential, speculating on her, and I felt SOOOO vindicated and followed her for it! As you know, she became THE fan channel for TOH, and was eventually ascended to a full-on crew member for it. We’d all watch her reactions and discussions afterwards.
Adventures in the Elements leaked, I correctly guessed it wasn’t the next episode but the one after it. I was delighted to see the twins be good siblings, and Amity’s casual outfit... Before that, I read a fic during the hiatus of Lilith adopting Amity from abuse (Remember when we thought she was that functional?), and it understandably depicted the twins as mean-spirited and basically apathetic. It was a good fic.
I remember joke-speculating that Bellows would be short, because I was projecting analyses of the Pale King from Hollow Knight onto him! I considered making an animatic of Farquaad’s reveal from Shrek but with Bellows, but alas I’d never actually done an animatic and had zero clue lol. I had another dream about Bellows coming in with the Emperor’s Coven to apprehend Eda, who became an even larger version of her Owl Beast form in response.
Then Summer 2020 came around. What a wonderful time of my life... New fans came in when they saw the possibility of canon sapphics with Lumity, and I was exhilarated! So careful not to get my hopes up, but look now... I was hyped to see Belos’ appearance. I analyzed the 1B trailer, took screenshots and organized them to guess which episodes they were. Rebecca Rose found foreign titles of 1B and translated them, and I did note how translations could skew the intended anagram. I remember “Mini-Problems” being an episode title...
You can probably guess the rest from here, since this was about when the fandom really kicked off. And boy did people stick around for it all. I felt delight in knowing Grom was sooner, due to Understanding Willow being paired with Really Small Problems on the same day! Two episodes at once, instead of the original plan for the last two episodes of the season together! I ended up regretting that low-key with the angst and pain of Agony of a Witch, which made me realize how much I cared for Luz, Eda, and King, and made me the closest to crying from the show.
I felt vindicated to see a popular artist like MoringMark begin making fan comics, I had no idea that’d be THE thing he’d be known for, after I knew him as the Gravity Falls guy. I followed Matthieu Cousin on Tumblr, got excited for that trend of dressing up TOH characters for Grom and sending in your designs, with a winner announced! I don’t think that ever happened. Anamanaguchi’s Prom Night became a thing thanks to a crew member, and who can forget Little Miss Perfect? Kwame rolled with the success and I was glad for him. Eda’s gray eye appearing after the season finale in the end credits shocked me.
There was the Reddit AMA, where I prepared lore questions afterwards and had none of mine answered, but we learned a good deal! Especially the telling “Clawthornes are a bird motif” from Dana, her being put into a headlock by a nun. Amity and Lilith weren’t close but as I mentioned a while back, Dana expressed that she also made connections with cartoons as a kid. Odalia liking her kids color-coded, hence Amity’s hair, and Alador being interesting. Which led to a bunch of fanart that proved off the mark but also not? Alador wasn’t THAT well-put but otherwise...
And that stream! That wonderful stream! I contemplated spending so much money via donation to get something. Eda drinking Apple Blood, Spencer Wan almost spoiling Lilith having a Raven form. Our first sneak peek at Hunter’s face, not counting his appearance as the Golden Guard in S1; We all guessed he and the Golden Guard, or “Owl Mask” were the same. I was stumped and baffled how he fit into Belos’ dynamic... Hoo boy. And we all thought Hunter was an adult, even Alador at first, because of those eye bags!
I wanted to see the coven heads, based on their banners we saw; I liked the Potion Head especially and even when his design proved different than I expected, it was still my favorite! I thought Darius might be a Blight grandfather and he DID have a connection... I had a dream of the twins working for Osran at a library and messing with him, recognized Mason from Covention, and dreamed Terra was named Botanica.
Christmas art of the cast came out, I was happy to see Emira and Edric happy there, after being saddened by Dana’s Grom art of them and even writing a whole fic about it, which I’m chuffed about! She also drew Mattholomule... I recall in the wait for Season 1B, she did some art of the characters. Gus playing games, Mattholomule losing to him; King despairing over stubby thumbs.
Fanart of the kids in quarantine, Amity declaring it’d be easy to stay away from Luz, to Luz’s sadness; Boscha being mad because she couldn’t talk to her friends. Remember when Boschlow was a big thing, until Understanding Willow killed off some of the hype? And confirmation that Willow worked out, which we saw come to fruition in Season 2; People were surprised but I wasn’t! And of course, Frewin being his own entity from Bump, and not Bump himself.
But back to chronology, I guess this is where I should end off. Sorry, this ended up being MUCH longer than I intended, and really you could write a book about my experience with TOH and the journey on a meta level. But those were interesting times, those beginning eras. Back when I didn’t feel the need to always add screenshots to posts unless necessary. And it’s making me nostalgic. It’s making me appreciate everything we’ve been through, the roots of my hyperfixation. And how it all led to me finally crying, because I really did build up THAT much of a love for the show.
I found my first fandom I really felt a part of, found so many people who enjoyed my meta and validated me for it! I feel I’ve grown so much as a person because of TOH. And as I nostalgically reminisce on how different the show was then, I appreciate all the more how far we’ve come, and what it is now. Snapping back to the present does make me sad over how much has passed and changed, but I also appreciate it while remembering the ideas I once had.
I’ll miss that era, and TOH as a whole. And boy do I associate that classic ending theme, how I loved the melancholy of those end credits, speculated on them paying off in the finale. And they did...! It feels good to hear it one last time after a year without it, due to the end credits being removed or redone. There was something so idyllic and dreamlike about that original sequence, capturing the feeling of coming home, and I’m glad TOH did that once more with it.
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Do you have any one piece fic recs? Mainly stuff that doesn’t really deal with romance. That sweet sweet platonic shit is calling my name
yeah, i got a ......couple!!
Luffy was raised as a marine and makes it everyone's problem (Series, spoilers for all arcs they're in sections so read up to where you are)
Luffy was raised as a marine, but now has more childhood trauma (Series, first fic is a full fledged fic, again spoilers for all arcs)
Somewhere to Belong (childhood ASL, garp strikes a deal for whitebeard to watch them for 6 months)
The Fire and the Sun (A what-if marineford fic, luffy gets hit)
I’ll keep the king (I’ll keep him safe) (a whump fic centered around luffy's injuries and his crew taking care of him, nakamaship)
sweets and chains can't keep away the king's straw hat (AU where luffy is Big Mom's son and Dragon keeps breaking in checking up on him)
There is no such thing as freedom in a cage of your own making (AU where it's found out much earlier that luffy is Dragon's son and the marines are sent after him on Dawn, Garp calls Ace to go get him first)
Dammit Garp (stop kidnapping your grandson) (Garp finds out Ace is on whitebeard's ship and throws luffy over there too)
the sky is falling (but you’re with me so there’s nowhere i’d rather be) (ok i know you said no ship, but i'm obsessed over this fic for being one of the BEST gear 5 fics out there because of how much LORE it has, Gods AU, ch 1044+ spoilers)
Treasures for a Treasure (pearls pale in your eyes) (Gods AU, luffy is the son of the sea)
Who We Were Meant To Be (Marine!Luffy AU)
Undo, Rewrite, Again (Luffy gets blasted to Baltigo instead of the Isle of women)
Smile Again (Modern AU nakamaship, the crew help luffy recover from ace's death after a crash)
Adopted By Default (Luffy gets blasted to the whitebeards instead of the isle of women)
Beginning the Next Dream (Luffy gets reincarnated as his own uncle and raises the ASL brothers lol, only gets to ace though but the fic is worth it for the luffy, dragon, and garp interactions as well as roger and shanks)
The feel of family (ASL brothers but law and corazon are there too somehow)
Boy With a Scar (luffy went missing for 4 years as a fighting ring slave, fic begins after he's been freed and returned to Dawn)
The time the ASL Brothers ran away from home because they didn't want to deal with Garp (ASL brothers become pirates instead of building their treehouse)
How it Should have Healed (Another nakamaship fic about luffy's wounds throughout their adventures)
The Past and Future King (two pirate kings accidentally meet on a weird island)
one bleached from lying in a sunny place (someone comes up to Usopp and asks to join the strawhats)
Twin Flames (Ace calls Sabo his twin when talking to jinbe in impel down, this has consequences)
across ocean tides and snow-covered hills (ace and luffy meet up on Dawn right before luffy's 2 year time limit)
What if (ace is born a few days early and Rayleigh takes him in instead, making the ASL brothers estranged)
In That Bottle, Is an Ocean Of Memories (AU where luffy is big mom's son)
The World Goes Around In Circles ("How come you're called the pirate hunter, when you're a pirate yourself?")
sea king prayers (Gods Au, series)
it's all been done before (timetravel Au but told in ace's perspective who has no idea time travel is a thing that's going on)
on brotherhood (ageswap, luffy is the older brother)
gods apparent. (gear 5 fic)
Claimed by the Sea (pirate king luffy gets kidnapped by a cult, zoro and the crew searches)
light up, light up (Ace goes missing after the fire, leaving Sabo and Luffy alone. Outlook wants Sabo back and sabo agrees only if luffy can come with him)
as the world goes on its wicked way (Luffy gets turned into a kid for a day, big brother usopp moments)
trouble is a friend of mine (Sanji gets captured)
literally anything written by taizi
the weight of you (Platonic strawhats cuddling :D)
over the course of a day (An AU in which Usopp is forced to hitchhike and meets a few concerning characters)
Like Cats and Dogs (Daemon Au)
stared at the sun and the sun smiled back and called itself pirate king (or: loyalty, on the high seas) (Crew loyalty series)
Little Monsters ( Post-Wano, some lucky (or not-so-lucky) Marines capture the still-injured Sanji and Usopp)
no gods (Gods Au/gear 5, days after the Flevance massacre but with an extra guest)
DreadLetting (gear 5 & time travel, luffy ends up back on that day ace sets sail)
All Hail The Sun God (Gods Au, Zoro offers himself as a human sacrifice so the god of the valley will return)
sky blues (little luffy and vivi meet)
to have and to hold on (Spade pirates are worried about ace and tries to recruit luffy into helping them, Deuce pov)
Pain Scale (Nakamaship, luffy gets hurt)
You Still Have Me (Ace and luffy ageswap, marineford)
It was cold without you by my side (Sabo remembers a few days sooner, just in time to break into impel down)
teacup lizards (luffy is born as dragon’s twin)
reach up to me (if you even can) (Ace reacts to gear third’s “side effect”)
Same Difference (Sabo remembers years sooner, revisits Dawn island)
You Can't Teach a Monkey to Read (Nakamaship, the crew teaches luffy how to read after the timeskip)
The Will of D Carries On (Klabautermann au)
Of pirates and touches (Nami & luffy friendship)
Seven Deadly Sins (Modern Au, Law’s new apartment is haunted)
We Set Our Wishes Upon Her Waters (Gods Au, the 4 Blues are seen as gods and these gods have their own chosen)
Captains' Flowers (a kinda soulmate/mark fic, platonic nakamaship)
Sibling Sympathies (ace’s arabasta visit, nami pov)
interviewing the Future Pirate King (REAL! NOT CLICKBAIT!) (does this one even need an explanation?)
Diving Into The Sea AND Diamond Stratosphere (Au where some people with the D name have wings, series but the fics isn’t under one for some reason?)
Overboard (A typhoon hits the Going Merry's crew harder than any of them could anticipate or accept)
Know Me Like Waves Know Shores ( When Dragon and Luffy meet face to face for the first time, Luffy doesn't recognize his father.)
of scissors and combs (usopp gives luffy a haircut)
burning rubber (Chopper worries over luffy, post marineford & timeskip)
hey, let's get lost (along the way) (Ace, Luffy, Vivi, and Nami accidentally get lost in Alabasta)
etch the ocean into my soul like a guiding light (platonic soulmates Au, zolu)
Si c'est une âme (Platonic soulmates, nakamaship)
The Experiment (The crew make a game out of Zoro’s sleeping habits)
A Chance Encounter ( After Ace get's defeated by Blackbeard, he's held at a temporary prison for a little while, and there he meets a quirky, young marine that surprisingly is related to Ace!)
the voice of all things (The ocean's all the same to everyone―but no one else can hear it quite like he can.)
Many Kisses (Nakamaship & kisses)
Bearing the heat (Modern Au, ASL, slice of life)
tumbling overboard, faces full of fear (luffy falls overboard during a storm, franky dives in after him)
a place that burns (It is then, that moment, strikingly clear, that Luffy realizes he doesn’t have a home.)
Sleep is a Beast, Polar and Bear (post marineford, luffy has trouble sleeping, zoro does what he can to help)
you gotta go the long way 'round (Robin teaches luffy how to read, timeskip)
Swimming Lessons (Thanks to Law’s bodyswap ability, Usopp teaches luffy how to swim for the first time)
take a step in mine (marineford au)
Cool! Two Zoros! (the crew somehow ends up in the past. in the east blue. zoro is there)
wish by spirit and if by yes (Sabo tracks down the whitebeard pirates)
don't bury me with gold (Wolrd noble!Sabo Au)
whatever you can still betray (Haruta is convinced Ace is a spy)
Captains Don’t Get Sick (luffy & nami nakamaship)
where the rims have ridges (Outsider POV, a girl happens to meet both roger and luffy during her life, the strawhat is what she notices)
Code of Misconduct (The crew sets down some ground rules)
I Can't Be Selfless (Pre-canon, Aokiji meets luffy in fooshia)
worn to the bones (that scene where luffy, zoro, and sanji are traveling to fishman island and get separated from the crew in bubbles)
sing songs of the sea (Luffy drowned once, series)
God's emperor (Gods Au, shanks meets luffy)
i'll fly away (Au where everyone is born with wings)
a sailor by any other name (Zoro pov, luffy is forced to join the marines at a young age)
Chasing the Remnants (Sabo goes with dragon to lougetown)
Almost Giving up Before We've Even Started (Luffy and dragon meet up, it’s awkward for them both)
Being together we are stronger than ever (ASL bodyswap)
Here There Be Dragons (Dragons Au)
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