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misojunnie · 8 months

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CHERRY ─ psh. ❀

a lollipop a day keeps park sunghoon away…

# genre: outcast!sunghoon x class prez!fem!reader, enemies to lover, slow burn, high school au, 90’s au

# warnings: insults, minor violence, substances/partying, cursing, lil makeout sesh, minor bullying, portrays some idols in a bad light; inaccurate and not how I view them!

# featuring: sunghoon & enha! + txt + aespa

# playlist: not for sale by enhypen, still into you by paramore, chaser by woodz, high school sweethearts by melanie martinez

# a/n: hi guys!!! it’s insane that the cherry teaser got so many likes omg. ty guys so much!! plz enjoy <3 (dont let this flop)

# word count: 13.1k

# taglist: @alicesolengg @ningngyu @ramenoil @simjakeissohot @skzenhalove @parkhonnie @denleave1088 @voidbeomgyu @ilymarkchan @everyoneluvscheol @haerinpham @fakeuwus @chesh1re-cat @advesperamz @papiibuprofen @loveliii @cutiejseong @luvyouchuu @hancafe @aeminju @chaerybae @b1ndignity @edilysoob @river-06 @fariylixie0915 @amortenha @hoonpalettes @asyleums @moonmoongi @jyndre @parksunghoonsgf @whippedforbeomgyu @dianzed @soobliss-blog @manooffline @iscocohere @saythenameseventeen178 @woniewonn @luv4cheol @tinylittlebuggi @h-hazwie @ddazed-lhs @enhacolor @hiqhkey @webqrl @ilovewonyo @aesunghoon @hanienie @jrjr289

it isn’t a well disguised fact that park sunghoon doesn’t like you–no, hate would be a better word. park sunghoon hates you, and he makes it clear to everyone who knows him. but when you leave him a different flavored lollipop every day, it gets a little harder to loathe you.

[more under the cut!]

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐋𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍 - chapter i.

Park Sunghoon finds solace in the fact that he annoys you.

He isn’t sure he truly does, as you’re quite adept at keeping your face blank when something pisses you off. But for a moment, that bright, customer-service smile slips, and the left corner of your lip twitches when he sneers at you from across the room. That’s how he likes it. He likes that he has an effect on you, negative or otherwise, although it was always the former.

“You need to let it go.” Jake sighed as he watched Sunghoon’s eyes follow you across the room when you stand to pass out the second semester chemistry syllabus. “I don’t even understand why you don’t like her."

“How could you not?” he phrased his question like a statement.

“Well, first of all, she’s my math tutor.” Jake says, smacking the top of his best friend’s head with a rolled up spiral notebook, crumpling his notes. “So I have to get along with her. And second of all, she makes it pretty easy considering she’s such a catch.” Sunghoon groaned in annoyance, a petulant frown on his pretty face.

“God, you’re so brainless.” Sunghoon whined. “You’re just another one of the idiots completely infatuated with her.”

Well, why wouldn’t he be? You’re the president of the school council, head of the party planning committee, photographer of the yearbook club, and the school newspaper’s best writer. It’s an intricate balancing act, and a wonder that you could keep it up on the daily.

“I’m not infatuated.” Jake said with an indignant hiss. “I just don’t hold stupid grudges– shit, she’s coming.” The Aussie cleared his throat and painted an enthusiastic and eager smile onto his face as you approached the boy’s shared table.

“Good morning.” you chirped, and Jake grinned in response. “Here’s the syllabus.” You passed a double sided sheet of paper to each of them, gently setting it down on the desk. It didn’t escape Sunghoon’s attention that his was wrapped up in a roll, a piece of tape closing the document into a cylinder. You sent him a soft smile, looking at him through your lashes, before backing away from the table and moving onto the next pair of students who were waiting to receive their assignment. Sunghoon rolled his eyes, hesitantly peeling off the strip of adhesive and unrolling the paper to reveal the object inside, Jake peering curiously over his shoulder in an attempt to see.

“God, she’s still at it.” Sunghoon groaned, reaching down to pick up a small lollipop, a vivid yellow and wrapped in a holographic piece of cellophane with a little red ribbon tying it closed. “I thought she might’ve stopped.”

“Dude, you’re so lucky.” Jake breathed enviously, and Sunghoon looked at him with distaste. “You know how many guys in this school would kill to get a lollipop from her?” Sunghoon ignored his best friend's implorations, unwrapping the treat and shoving it into his mouth.

Lemon. He hated lemon.

When he looked back to the front of the classroom, you were setting the remaining stack of papers on the teacher’s desk, peeking at Sunghoon’s reaction. You seemed somewhat pleased to see the boy sucking on the sweet you had left him, and you sent a bright smile in his direction. His eyes were drawn to your shirt, which was adorned with what he thought was a very tacky depiction of a dove and some hearts, and he inwardly grimaced. Apparently, it wasn’t too inward judging by the look on your face.

He smirked, lifting up his hand and subtly sending you a different kind of bird with his middle finger. Your smile dropped entirely, and you rubbed your lips together in annoyance, retreating to your desk with a mix of frustration and despondence. That made him very satisfied.

“Would it kill you to be nice for once?” Jake asked, a skeptical look on his face as he watched the entire encounter go down. Sunghoon shrugged, setting his hand down on his desk and strumming his slender fingers on the wooden surface.

“Probably.”

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Today was yet another failed attempt at making Park Sunghoon like you.

You had to admit, you weren’t entirely pleased with your lollipop arrangement, and by that, you meant that you hated it. Treating Sunghoon like a human being with real emotions was so hard when he was such a piece of shit. You let out an exhausted sigh, hopping onto the counter of the candy shop. Your best friend laughed at your theatrics, wiping his hand with a white rag and tossing you a packet of red licorice.

“What’s the problem?” Jungwon asked inquisitively as though he didn’t already know the answer. “Sunghoon again?” His tone was filled with pity, and you hated it. You rolled onto your stomach, ripping open the packaging and tucking one of the red ropes into your mouth with a heavy sigh, blinking twice hard, before frowning.

“He’s not budging.”

“That’s a shame. I’m almost out of lollipop flavors.” Jungwon tutted with disappointment, reaching into his pocket and removing his hand with a treat, barely able to hold back the anticipating grin on his face. He tossed it to you. “Or am I?”

“You’re a lifesaver.” you sighed, pocketing it. “I’m not sure how you keep coming up with more.” Your best friend simply shrugged, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“Chef’s secret,” he smiled.

Jungwon had adored candy since you met him, but the only thing he adored more than eating candy was making candy. This came in handy during basically every holiday or romance related occasion. A handmade bouquet of chocolate covered strawberries, a box filled to the brim with toffee, or a lollipop. He liked lollipops the most. “Maybe you should stop with the lollipops. I’m down to my last vial 0f strawberry flavoring and our restock isn’t until next Monday.” he scrunched his nose up at the thought.

“What if he gets pissed off once I stop giving him them, and then he gets even meaner?” you wondered aloud. “What would I do then?”

“Um, report him to the principal?” Jungwon suggested, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and you shot up into a sitting position.

“Absolutely not.” you hissed. “I have to beat him.” You raised your fist to the air, seething with vengeance. “I will make that pretty bastard like me, goddamn it.” This was it. Jungwon was convinced that you had finally gone ‘round the bend. A ringing sound resounded through the shop as someone pushed through the front door with a grin.

“Did someone say pretty bastard?” he said, arms held out playfully as he turned his nose up to the ceiling. You only pouted in response. “Awww, baby what’s wrong?” he asked, circling his hands around your waist and pressing a kiss to your forehead while Jungwon stuck out his tongue.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” you dismissed the topic with a wave of your hand and a sigh. You knew very well that if Heeseung got word of the way Sunghoon was treating you, you’d have a dead body on your hands. “How was practice?”

“Pretty good. Coach says I’m doing well. Could get a scholarship.” He cuddled up to you, until something hard and spherical hit him in the face, and he gripped his nose with a groan, bending down to pick up the fallen object.

“No cuddling in the store.” Jungwon said, a hand on the door as he came back to the counter, a thin white stick protruding from his mouth. “It’ll scare the customers.”

“Likely.” Heeseung scoffed, yet he pulled the wrapper off the lollipop and shoved it in his mouth, swirling the sphere on his tongue. “You wanna go see that new movie, Ten Things I Hate About You? It’s playin’ tonight and Beomgyu said it’s good.” You laughed, pulling the lollipop out of his mouth with a wet ‘pop’ sound, and tucking it between your own lips. Jungwon gagged on his lunch.

“I don’t trust any movie that Beomgyu says is good.”

“Ah, c’mon babe. It’ll be fun.” he said, returning his hands to your waist as you smiled. He had a way of making you smile even when you were at your lowest.

“Alright.” you caved, and he pumped his fist, planting a kiss on your cheek.

“Glad you said yes, because I already bought tickets.” You chastised him, but he only laughed and grabbed your waist, lifting you off the counter like a sack of potatoes while you shrieked. “Thanks for the sucker, Won!”

“Yeah, yeah. Have fun!” he yelled after the two of you until you were out of sight, hopping into his old Dodge Viper with lovesick, giddy smiles on your faces. Then the boy sighed, rolling his eyes. “Pricks.”

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

“Red Vines.”

“Gotta be Charleston Chews.”

“Ew, no fucking way. Charleston Chews are just s'mores without the best part.” you scoffed, finger wagging in your boyfriend’s face as the exasperated teenage cashier watched you argue about your candy choices for the movie you were about to watch.

“I’ll let that go, because I love you.” he warned. “But Charleston Chews are the best candy.” Despite his protest, he reached for the Red Vines on the shelf and dropped them next to the cash register as he removed his wallet from his pocket.

“Thanks, baby.” you kissed him on the cheek, and he sent you a grin for the reward. “But they definitely taste like shit.” you said cheekily, and he smacked you lightly on the top of the head, before grabbing your Red Vines and pulling you away.

“I’ll get you back for that.” He teased, and you stuck your tongue out. “Oh shit, I left my Coke at the register.” You laughed at his blatant forgetfulness as he smacked himself in the forehead. “Go, hurry. I’ll wait here.” He darted out the exit, excusing himself and apologizing as he ran past a pair entering the theater, almost knocking their popcorn out of their hands. “Where’s he off to in a rush?” one of them asked incredulously, the other mumbling incoherent responses as they seated themselves. Great, the teenage cynics who apparently had a grudge against your boyfriend were sitting right next to you.

“Heeseung’s really been busy lately.” one said, and your ears perked up at their use of his name. “With scholarships, and all that. Must be hella tired.” The voice sounded oddly familiar, but you couldn’t exactly place who it belonged to.

“Yeah, as if.” another scoffed. “He’s probably busy making out with his fuckface girlfriend.” Your eye twitched.

“C’mon, don’t be mean. What’s she ever done to you?’ another said.

“She’s awful. You’re so gullible.” the same disparaging voice said, and you huffed. You recognized that drawl, you had heard it somewhere but you weren’t sure where. “Heeseung’s an idiot. The both of them can go to hell.” Enough was enough. You stood, reaching over to the cynical boy sitting directly next to you and grabbed the front of his shirt, and even though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel his shock.

“You got something to say about me and my boyfriend?” you hissed.

“Have you had your break today? We all need to get away, there’s one place that’s on your way,” the jolly actors sang as the screen suddenly lit up with an advertisement, the lights turning on and revealing the boy before you.

“Y/n?” Sunghoon asked incredulously, and you grit your teeth. He got a reaction out of you. You had completely played yourself.

Despite your instant regret, you continued to grip on his shirt. “Park Sunghoon.”

“What are you doing here?” he hissed under his breath, and your eyes darted to Jake, sitting beside him. He looked utterly stunned. He had never seen you react to Sunghoon’s tauntings before; even Sunghoon never had the pleasure of seeing you burst out in a properly angry reaction.

“Seeing a movie with my boyfriend.” you muttered. Sunghoon didn’t respond, and you thought this might be the first time you had seen him off guard.

You dropped his shirt, letting him plop back down onto the cushioned seat.

You had seriously messed up. Sunghoon was never supposed to see you angry, more than anyone. You were about to do some damage control when Heeseung strode straight through the swinging doors with a box of Charleston Chews and a plastic cup of Coke so large it looked like it could cause diabetes immediately upon consumption.

Heeseung always had incredibly bad timing.

“Hey baby.” he slid into the seat next to you, pecking a kiss onto your cheek. He coughed on his soda pop when he saw the pair staring at him, seated directly next to you, one boy looking at him like he had just ran over his cat. “Oh, hey guys. Jake,” he said, nodding to the older boy of the two. “How’s varsity tryouts?”

“Going good.” Jake said meekly. The two were acquainted from their time on the rugby team, yet Jake suddenly felt extremely intimidated by the older boy. You said nothing, leaning back in your seat with a perturbed look on your face.

Once you and Heeseung finally struck up a conversation, Jake leaned in and grabbed the front of Sunghoon’s shirt with an extremely stressed expression.

“Are you trying to get us killed?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Sunghoon snapped, not sounding sorry at all. “Christ, you really had to book the seats right next to Jack and Joan Sprat?”

“I didn’t know they’d be sitting there.” Jake said through gritted teeth, and it was easy to see that the poor boy was at his breaking point. “I would just like to get through this movie peacefully.” he rubbed his temples, expecting protest. But to Jake’s surprise, the boy didn’t complain. He was much too busy staring at you. “Sunghoon?”

“Yeah, I got it.” the boy rolled his eyes, turning away. Jake looked at him in a double take, shocked at the boy’s compliancy, but pleasantly surprised.

Maybe this would be a nice trip to the theater after all.

Of course, nothing could be peaceful when you and Sunghoon were in the same room together. The tension was undeniable, even to your oblivious boyfriend.

Safe to say you only registered about half of the movie.

Not to say that the film wasn’t engrossing. In fact, you were beginning to seriously enjoy it. Sunghoon, however, was enjoying the movie a bit less than you were.

“This is so fucking stupid.” he muttered to Jake as the main characters bickered on screen. “This would never happen in real life.”

“That’s why it’s a movie, dumbass. Now can you shut up? You’re seriously bumming me out.” Jake snapped back, slapping the back of Sunghoon’s head. Sunghoon reached over to retaliate, knocking his cup of Sprite over in the process, spilling the entire contents of the plastic container directly onto your skirt. You squealed, and Heeseung cursed, pulling you up as he dug in his pockets for napkins. You glared at Sunghoon and saw that he looked rather surprised at his own action, and for a moment you doubted if he did it on purpose. But then the look of shock shifted into one of satisfaction, and you chose to not give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Gosh, I’m sorry.” Sunghoon said in a way that told you he wasn’t sorry at all.

“That’s one hell of a mess.” Heeseung kissed his teeth, attempting to use the napkins to clean off your skirt, but the people behind you began to boo at your obstruction of their view. “Alright people, Jesus. We’re moving.” He took your hand and pulled you back down, still attempting to dry you off. While you greatly appreciated the effort, it was doing practically nothing to help.

“It’s okay, Hee.” you said, pushing his hands off with a tight smile. “It’ll dry.” You sighed, reaching for the box of Charleston Chews. You didn’t even like this stupid candy, but you needed something sweet to calm your temper or you were going to kill someone. Your hand exited the box covered in melted chocolate, and you threw your head back in displeasure. But suddenly, an idea struck you.

The sacrifice of your boyfriend's candy was worth it.

You sloppily upturned the box into Sunghoon’s lap, the half-melted chocolate slipping onto his light tan pants as he inhaled sharply, his lip pulled between his teeth.

“Whoops.” you said with a smile, turning back to the screen.

Sure, you were done being nice to Park Sunghoon. But you still tucked a sucker into his pocket, hoping he would find it on his way home and at least have some kind of consolation for his ruined trousers.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Sunghoon collapsed onto his bed, reaching under his bed frame for something beneath. When his hand emerged, it held a dark green spiral notebook, with a pencil held by a strap of elastic. He swirled the lollipop around his mouth, thinking carefully for a few moments before flipping to the next open page on his notebook.

“June 15th, 1999… Strawberry… cheesecake…” He mused under his breath as he jotted it down on the lined paper, biting the inside of his left cheek with furrowed brows. “Maybe just strawberry cream?” he thought to himself, biting the end of his pencil before shaking his head. “Had to be cheesecake.” He surely sounded insane to anyone who was listening from the outside, yet this was a nightly routine for the teen, notebook and pencil in hand as he pondered the flavor of the day.

He had tasted birthday cake, banana split, bubblegum, gingerbread, black licorice, pina colada, pretty much any flavor that even Willy Wonka himself could come up with. He thought he might’ve had every lollipop flavor in the universe, and the pages of his notebook had become worn with your endless supply of sugary treats.

However, he did find it odd that you had never given him cherry before.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐋𝐄 - chapter ii.

There was something you had never told anyone. Not to Heeseung, not even to Jungwon, and you told him just about everything, maybe too much. No, this secret went untold, and you planned to take it with you to your grave.

Park Sunghoon was your first love.

It’s not like he ever loved you back. This was your freshman year of high school, the first time you met the young charmer, who at the time was wide eyed and raven haired, quiet and not very conversational. At the ripe age of 14, he wasn’t fully comfortable in his skin yet, not making many friends and focusing on building his figure skating career rather than on his grades. He was nerdy, he was awkward, and he was always alone in the cafeteria, picking absentmindedly at his food while he daydreamed.

He was beautiful. You found yourself unable to look away.

Even in your freshman year, rising up the school hierarchy wasn’t difficult. You joined the school council in your first week at Decelis High, easily acquiring the vice president position once election day came around, leading you to take the president position eventually. You started writing in the newspaper club in your second month of high school, your teachers recognizing your potential and promoting you to head editor as well as a journalist, and students immediately began to respect your brave commentary on the school’s weak ethics and poor handling of their students. School was improved when you joined, and the student body found that their day brightened up when you walked down the hall with your signature smile.

Which is why it was odd that you fell hopelessly head over heels for a quiet boy who interacted with no one and didn’t speak unless spoken to, head perpetually in the clouds. And despite your undeniable popularity, he never paid a lick of attention to you.

It took until your junior year for him to even speak to you. When his head wasn’t somewhere over the rainbow, he was focusing on skating, skipping classes to run to the rink for a quick session with his trainer. And when he wasn’t skating, he was playing soccer. Through the rose tinted lenses of love, you thought he was an excellent player, but supposedly his coach didn’t agree. He was benched for nearly all his games.

You never told him you had feelings for him, but the closest you came was when you showed up to the soccer game he was playing in with a button on your shirt that said “Go Sunghoon!”. You cheered for him the entire time, even if the only reason he was playing was because Kang Taehyun had sprained his ankle.

Sunghoon scored one goal, but the more experienced player had sucked up the pain and decided to jump into the game last-minute, scoring the winning goal and sending the audience into a frenzy like they had just won the olympics and not an amateur high school soccer game. The team picked up Taehyun on their backs and ran around the field toting him on their shoulders like a trophy, and poor Sunghoon was left on the bench with a frown, wishing that he could’ve been the one on their shoulders being celebrated. You felt so bad for him that you stood up, cupped your hands around your mouth and yelled for his attention, garnering weird stares from those next to you, but you didn’t care. When you yelled his name with a cheer, he looked up into the stands and sent you the most luminous smile you had ever seen, one that could’ve made the sun itself envious of his radiance.

Which is why it confused you when he hated your guts less than a year later.

You never really understood why Sunghoon disliked you. It was a mystery, not only to you, but to everyone who knew about it, even Jungwon, who had seen more ugly and intolerable sides of you than anyone. Nobody really knew why Park Sunghoon despised you, so they just stopped trying to figure out why.

But not you. You needed to know why he didn’t like you, why the boy who you loved so dearly ended up hating you so much he was spiteful at your mere existence.

Your first memory of Sunghoon was the first day of high school, when he came through the school gates with a big, red sucker in his mouth and an overwhelmed look on his face. So you decided lollipops were the best way to win him over.

But with every canned stick of orange creamsicle, every discarded cotton candy and crushed lemonade, your feelings slowly left you until the love you once felt for the boy disappeared as he left his tally on your heart, then faded into nothing.

Then you met Heeseung. On January 1st, just as the clock struck midnight at Choi Yeonjun’s New Years party, he asked you to be his girlfriend. And suddenly, you didn’t really care if Sunghoon loved you back or not.

But you never stopped wanting him to like you.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

You were entirely done with being nice to Park Sunghoon. After nearly a year of being treated like the scum on the bottom of his shoes, you weren’t afraid of him anymore, you weren’t afraid of showing him how truly done you were. But Jungwon still had buckets full of lollipops left for you, so you supposed the lollipop charade could go on for a bit longer.

You still didn’t like him though. That’s what you told yourself.

“She’s acting differently.” Sunghoon scrunched his eyes into scrutinizing crescents as he watched you stride down the hallway nonchalantly. Just a moment previously, you had met his eyes while you walked, textbook clutched to your chest, and rather than sending him a joyous smile or a wave, you ignored him as though he wasn’t even there, which shocked him thoroughly.

Plus, it was the fourth period and you hadn’t even given him a lollipop yet.

“You’re just salty that she poured her Charleston Chews on you. You’re imagining it.” Jake scoffed, eyes attached to his book, scanning over every word.

“No, you don’t get it.” Sunghoon huffed exasperatedly, arms crossed as he watched you saunter to Heeseung’s side and allow him to pull you into his embrace. “She’s never ignored me like this before. She doesn’t just… look away.”

“So she doesn’t like you anymore. Big deal.” Jake shrugged, but Sunghoon seemed rather upset by this sudden change of events. “You fumbled the bag, that’s all.” Sunghoon’s eyes shot to his shorter companion as they narrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, dude. You had y/n y/l/n, the ultimate sweetheart of Decelis High, practically begging for your attention, and you were nothing but mean to her. I mean, anyone would want to be in your place. Of course she’s sick of you.”

“Yeah but-”

“But nothing.” Jake punched Sunghoon’s arm, putting a soft dent in the fabric of his puffy jacket, and the weaker of the two winced. “You were fucking bogus.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Sunghoon snapped, swatting Jake’s hand away with a scowl. “I was a loser.” When Jake nodded, affirming Sunghoon’s self-diss, he sent him a glare. “Well, what am I supposed to do about it?”

“Nothing, bro. Just move on and stop being such a dick.” Jake shrugged, walking away with his nose still buried in his book, leaving Sunghoon to think. Did he really care if you didn’t like him anymore? Would it be so bad for you to continue to ignore him?

The answer was yes. Undeniably so, because he despised you, and it only brought him more joy to see you struggle. Sunghoon liked being catered to, and you had just taken away his greatest pleasure.

The game was on.

“Jake, it’s simple.”

“No, it’s not.” Jake rubbed his forehead frustratedly as you attempted to explain the permutation formula to him for the fortieth time that day. He was supposed to be good at math, at least that’s what Jay said, and Jay was almost always right. However, you realized after a few tutoring sessions that Jake was a bit less attentive in math class as his friend made him out to be. “Why is there an exclamation point?”

“The exclamation point is to demonstrate how you’re supposed to multiply the number by each number following it, consecutively.” Jake looked like you had just told him to grow wings and fly, and you took the paper from his hand with a small giggle. “Jesus, Jake. You look like you got three hours of sleep last night and your dog shit in your cereal.” He let out a chuckle.

“You’ve got half of that statement spot on.”

“I’m going to assume it’s the former.” you said playfully.

“You got it.” he sighed a second time.

“Wanna talk about it?” He huffed, like the mere memory of his stressors were enough to upset him even when they weren’t present.

“It’s nothing…” You knew it wasn’t nothing. “It’s just Sunghoon.”

Bingo.

“He’s so oblivious sometimes.” Jake said exasperatedly. “Although, most times I’m pretty sure he’s being dense on purpose.” You stared at him blankly and he rested his chin on his palm. “He’s so stubborn. I always tell him to just let things go, to move on, but he never listens.” You didn’t need an explanation to understand what he was talking about. “I don’t know. He’s just felt so negative recently. Especially today.”

“What’s so different about today?” you asked, elated that he was frustrated at your indifference, which wasn’t indifference at all judging by how much you cared.

“Nothing, for most of us.” the Aussie shrugged. “I suppose he’s just feeling a bit abandoned.” You raised an eyebrow, and Jake seemed to notice his misstep. “T-that doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Sure.” you snorted, pulling the sheet of paper you were supposed to be attentively solving into your lap, flipping through your binder for the notes.

“Are you free on Saturday night?” Your eyebrows practically flew to your hairline.

“Depends on who’s asking, and why.”

“Yeonjun’s throwing a party.” You were very well aware of Choi Yeonjun, a freshman at Hybe University. Even after finally graduating a few months ago, his parties were a must for the top tier of Decelis’ elite students; namely the popular kids. You didn’t often frequent parties, but Heeseung and Yeonjun were quite close friends. You had never missed one of his parties, and you didn’t plan to break that record.

“I wasn’t aware.” you picked up a pencil and began scrawling, eyes on your lap.

“It’s a smaller thing than usual. Just some friends, and friends of friends. Maybe a few friends of friends of friends.” You allowed a smile to pass over your lips, and Jake smiled in success. “So you’ll come?”

“I’ve never missed a Choi party.” you shut your notebook and passed the completed homework back to its owner. “I’ll give you the answers, just for today.”

“You’re the best, y/n.” Jake grinned as you stood, holding your binder to your chest, smiling in response.

“I know. Oh, and Jake?” he tilted his head as you removed a green lollipop from the pocket of your pleated skirt, sliding it across the table until it came to a stop just before his hands. “Give this to Sunghoon.”

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Park Sunghoon was absolutely fuming.

Typically, when school was over, he’d come home, collapse on his bed, write down the lollipop of the day, and then firmly put you out of his mind. But today, for the first time, he found himself unable to do any of those things. He sat on his bed, staring at his wall silently. He was in a haze. He needed a distraction, asap.

When the doorbell rang, he ran downstairs in record time.

“Hit the brakes.” his little sister snapped as he dashed to the door, pulling it open, excited even to see the mailman. He was surprised to see his best friend on the other side, who gave him a sideways look.

“Your scowl is freaking me out.” Jake said, hands in his pockets as he strolled inside. Sunghoon closed the door behind him.

“Get used to it.” Sunghoon replied petulantly, and the two boys walked back up the stairs to Sunghoon’s room. “What brings you to my part of town?”

“I’ve got news.” Jake said, flopping down onto Sunghoon’s bed with a smug expression on his pretty face. “Oh, but before I forget.” Jake reached into the pocket of his blue jeans, removing a spherical object and tossing it in Sunghoon’s direction. The younger boy caught it, his face brightening subconsciously.

“Finally,” he rolled his eyes, unwrapping the lollipop and tucking it into the side of his mouth, sucking on it thoughtfully.

“As I was saying I-” Sunghoon ignored Jake’s ramblings, ducking under his bed and reaching for the green notebook, rifling through the mess under his bed frame. Typically, he’d be too embarrassed to do this in front of company, but he couldn’t find it within him to care. “Did you hear about Yeonjun’s party this weekend?” Sunghoon ignored him, removing the lollipop from his mouth and shoving it towards Jake.

“Do you think this smells like apple?” he asked, and Jake swatted his hand away.

“Did you hear anything I just said? And I’m not putting my face anywhere near something that’s been in your mouth.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes again, turning his attention back to his notebook as Jake stared at him. “Are you even listening?”

“I’m listening.” Sunghoon waved him off, but Jake could swear he heard him muttering fruits under his breath.

“Yeonjun’s having a party this weekend.” he repeated, and Sunghoon looked at him blankly, finally putting his pen down.

“So what?” he scoffed. “You’ve never wanted to go to one of those parties before. They don’t want people like us there.” Jake narrowed his eyes.

“People like us? They’re fine with me, you’re the one they have a problem with.” Jake said, pressing his pointer finger into Sunghoon’s chest while the latter frowned. “In fact, I happen to have an invitation, considering me and Heeseung are friends.”

“I don’t want to go to any party that Heeseung is going to.” Sunghoon refused childishly, and Jake kissed his teeth.

“I don’t get what your issue with Heeseung is. Hating y/n was bad enough, but Heeseung is especially innocent.” Jake shook his head when his best friend opened his mouth to protest, slapping his hand over his mouth before he got the chance. “I know what you’re gonna say, and I don’t wanna hear it.” Sunghoon remained silent.

The two boys sat quietly for a moment, just looking at each other, both as stubborn as the next. Jake broke the silence, sighing exhaustedly.

“Will you just do this one thing for me? Please?” Sunghoon pursed his lips. On one hand, he hated partying. He wanted nothing to do with it. But on the other hand, Jake Sim was his best friend, and he loved this boy more than he loved himself. And he had been a pretty shitty friend recently.

And so, the boy with iron resolve, and an even stronger temper, nodded his head.

“Fine, but seriously, just this once.” he said, wagging his finger when Jake’s face broke out into an enormous smile as he leapt up from the bed. “Never again, okay?”

“Pinky promise!” Jake said, running out the door and down the stairs, slamming the front door behind him as Sunghoon shook his head.

What had he gotten himself into?

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐏𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 - chapter iii.

Park Sunghoon had a confession. It was one that he hadn’t told anybody. Not his family, not his friends, not even Jake, who he told nearly everything. No, this was a true secret. One that was bursting at the seams, that he desperately wanted to confess.

You were his first love.

Well, he assumed you were. He had no idea what love was; he was only fourteen at the time. But it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest when you didn’t meet his gaze, and it felt like he was on cloud nine when he spotted you staring.

Sunghoon wasn’t one to make many friends. He wasn’t a social creature. He couldn’t say that was how he liked it, because he wasn’t necessarily sure that was true. He didn’t know if he liked to be alone, or if that was just how it had always been. But that changed when he met you.

For once, he found himself wanting to be around someone. The minute he laid eyes on you, he fell head over heels. You were everything he wasn’t. He knew he was in love with you when a junior tried shoving Jake into a locker and you punched him in the face. Even Sunghoon didn’t have the courage to stand up for Jake like that.

Sunghoon admired everything about you, but he knew you could never care about him. You were president of the student council, head of the party planning committee, photographer of the yearbook club, and the school newspaper’s best journalist. You tutored, you played multiple instruments. You liked being around people. You were brave and righteous. You were everything he wished he was. Why would you like him? He was just a loser who skipped class to skate and wished he had a little more courage.

But sometimes, he saw a little glimmer of hope for the two of you. When you came to his soccer game and only cheered for him, when you lent him your favorite pencil, when you left a note on his desk saying you liked his diorama the best. Sometimes he even thought that he could be with you if he finally followed his heart.

The only issue? Lee Heeseung.

Captain of the varsity rugby team, runner up for valedictorian, king bee of the school. He was loved by everyone. He had more friends than he could count, and the same for his admirers. When he wanted something, he got it. Sunghoon supposed you counted for that as well. It was obvious that he had a crush on you. Everyone knew you and Heeseung would date eventually, even Sunghoon.

Sunghoon had never fought for anything in his life, but for once, he was willing to fight for you. Until something happened that changed his perspective of you completely, something that made him despise you so much, he could barely contain it. Nobody knew what changed, but one day, Sunghoon dedicated his life to hating you.

You had no idea why.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Jungwon thought he could find out something about your past with Sunghoon if he sleuthed hard enough, but he was finding it more difficult than imagined.

He had checked the records in the principal's office —with the cover story that he was doing an investigative report— three times over, and he had yielded nothing. He asked nearly everyone he knew for any kind of background information. He even checked with the newspaper department, hoping they had some kind of trashy gossip if nothing else. Most of what he heard was entirely useless, consisting of people trash talking Sunghoon and hyping you up entirely too much. Jungwon thought they’d reconsider their words after witnessing you on a bad day.

He sighed frustratedly, collapsing into the principal’s chair, kicking his feet up onto the desk. Absolutely nothing.

He cocked his head when the door unlatched, slowly creaking open no more than an inch or two. A sneakered foot snuck its way inside, the rest of the intruder following, letting out a yelp when he saw Jungwon sitting skeptically in the center of the room.

“What are you doing here?” Jake said, a hand on his chest as he exhaled rapidly.

“What are you doing here?” Jungwon repeated his question back at him. Jake and Jungwon were mostly ambivalent towards each other, but there was always some distaste. After all, they were the best friends of mortal enemies.

“I…” Jake stared at him blankly. “I’m checking the records.”

“What a coincidence. So am I.” The two boys sized each other up, wondering if they might be there for the same reason.

There was no way.

“How’d you get in?” Jake said after a beat.

“Front door.” Jungwon replied, and the older boy frowned.

“Yeah, I gathered that. I mean, what did you tell administration to get in here?”

“I told them, ‘I want to check the school records.’” Jake shook his head, reaching for the desk containing the files of all the information on every student.

“Are you kidding me? Administration would rather die than let me in here.” Jake sorted through the files. He paused, frowned, then thumbed back and forth for a moment before straightening up and crossing his arms. His eyes widened when he saw the missing file he sought splayed out on the desk, just underneath Jungwon's shoes. “Why were you looking at Sunghoon’s personal file?” Jake said with an accusatory tone, and Jungwon paled, snatching it off the desk and tucking it away into his jacket.

“You’re imagining things.” he said quickly, and Jake rolled his eyes, turning back to the file cabinet. He removed your file, looking at Jungwon pointedly.

“Are you here for the same reason I am?” he asked. Neither of them wanted to admit it, but they were both certain they had the same goal.

Jungwon nodded slowly. “I think so, yeah.”

“You want to find out what happened with Sunghoon and y/n, don’t you?” Jake asked, and Jungwon averted his eyes sheepishly. There was a moment of silence before the two boys broke into laughter. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Jungwon smiled, crossing his arms. “Let’s work together.”

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Sunghoon was having a horrible day.

Most of Sunghoon’s days were below average, simply because he didn’t often feel like having fun. But that day, he had woken up with a sinking feeling in his stomach and a furrow between his brows. That day was going to be a horrible day, and he knew it even at 6:45 am when the snooze button on his alarm stopped working.

He got to school with no bad occurrences, almost forgetting what was making him so upset. But when he saw you and Lee Heeseung, his lips on your neck, he suddenly remembered.

It gave him momentarily relief when he recalled the apple sucker from yesterday, but when he caught himself smiling, his mood only soured further.

“Morning, sunshine!” Jake chirped, attacking from behind and ruffling Sunghoon’s hair cheerily. Sunghoon glanced back to give him a glare, attempting to repair the damage Jake had done to his hairdo.

“You seem awfully jolly this morning,” he said gruffly.

“I don’t know. Something good is in the air this morning.” Jake hummed, hands in his pockets and a significant spring in his step.

He couldn’t very well admit that he was orchestrating an entire plan to get you and Sunghoon alone together so you’d finally resolve your issues. And he definitely couldn’t mention that he was plotting in cahoots with your best friend.

“Yeah, right.” Sunghoon scoffed.

“I’m assuming that —once again— you’ve chosen to have a bad attitude today?” Jake asked rhetorically. He already knew the answer. He knew his best friend well enough to decipher when he was upset, although it was easy enough that anyone could probably tell; Sunghoon was in an awful mood on most days.

“It’s not something I choose.” Sunghoon scoffed, still messing with his hair.

“Sure it isn’t.” Jake said sardonically, punching him in the shoulder as Sunghoon glared, rubbing the sore area. “Don’t be a- oh hey!” Sunghoon whirled around at his best friend’s sudden topic switch to see you dashing past. “Hey, did you do the chemistry homework last night?”

“Of course I did.” you scoffed. “I’m assuming you didn’t?”

“Clearly you know me well. No chance I could get the notes off of you?”

“No chance, sorry Jake.” you laughed like the tinkling of bells. “But who knows, I might pass you the answer sheet while the teacher isn’t looking.”

“You’re the best!” he grinned as you saluted playfully. Your joyous facade faded for a moment when your gaze locked with Sunghoon’s briefly. You searched his face for any sign that he had received your gift, but his stoic glare firmly remained. You held back the urge to roll your eyes, turning on your heel.

Your lack of a response only made Sunghoon more upset. He was scowling hotly, so much so, that it was certain you could fry an egg on his head.

“She’s such a pretender. Can you fucking believe that?” You heard him scoff just before you left, an accusatory hand pointing in your direction. Jake cocked his head, and Sunghoon’s scowl deepened. “She didn’t even acknowledge that I was here!”

“Why should she?” Jake laughed, tucking his hands into his pockets and walking away as Sunghoon froze on the spot, practically shaking with rage.

Oh, you were going to regret ignoring him.

It almost made Sunghoon sick to think about how much he used to like you.

He thought of all the times he had written your name in his notebook surrounded by hearts and little angel wings. All the times he wished he could bring you flowers, or tell you how he felt. All the times he watched Heeseung sweep you off your feet, and felt bitter resent in his throat. For the first time in his miserable 14 years, he was certain he was in love. It was a bit far-fetched, considering he had only spoken to you once or twice. He didn’t know if he had ever had a full conversation with you.

What was it all for? Why did the girl he loved have to hurt him so bad?

It made him think that life wasn’t very fair. That people were egocentric, they didn’t consider others feelings. He was pathetic, he knew that. He should let it go, forget about what happened between the two of you and move on. He had his own life, you had yours. His existence shouldn’t center around the hatred of another human being.

Maybe hating you was an escape. Maybe he hated you because he couldn’t handle the thought of loving you anymore.

The line between hate and love was very fine. Even he knew that.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

You really didn’t want to go to this party. The more you thought about it, the more you felt sick to your stomach.

After the week you had, drinking with a bunch of teenagers sounded like the last thing you wanted to do. Even being around your friends and boyfriend sounded deeply unappealing; for the first time you could remember, you just wanted to be alone. But you knew this was important to your clique, and so you sucked it up, brushing the dust off the front of your party dress and turning around to your friends.

Ningning and Karina sat on the bed, on their phones. Ningning was dressed in an orange tube top dress, Karina wearing an identical one in purple. Neither of them noticed you until you cleared your throat, and they fawned over your dress.

They were your friends, supposedly. You liked them well enough, and they seemed to like you the same. They were sweet girls, but you didn’t really connect. The only reason you were friends was because you were popular, and so were they. You were living in a dog-eat-dog world, where popular girls became friends with each other to avoid making enemies. You wished it wasn’t like that, and you had a feeling they did too.

Yeonjun walked into the room with a big, cheesy grin on his face, toting your boyfriend behind him. Further back were Beomgyu, Huening Kai, Taehyun, and Soobin, the rest of your boyfriend's older friends. See also: people you didn’t really connect with.

“Are you girls ready?” Yeonjun asked, a mischievous glint in his eyes as the group crowded in. Heeseung came from the back of the procession to take your hands, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. You sighed as the others engaged in conversation.

Heeseung frowned. “You okay? You usually love Yeonjun’s parties.” You brushed some stray hair out of your face and painted on a smile.

“I’m fine, Hee. Thanks for looking out for me.” you said. He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, adjusting your necklace so the clasp was aligned with the nape of your neck.

“Anytime you wanna leave, just say the word. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.” You held his hand with a smile.

“Don’t worry about me, baby. Just have fun.” you ushered him towards his friends, and he gave you a brief look before he went to join them. The crowd filed out of the bedroom and into the living room, ready to party.

You sighed, looking at yourself in the mirror for a moment and taking a deep breath to relax yourself. You had no idea why you were so nervous. You had done this a million times around. You knew the party scene like the back of your hand, it was the life you had been living for the past four years.

You stared at the pink dress you were wearing. It was your favorite dress, yet somehow it didn’t feel good anymore. The lamp from the ceiling shone on your necklace, the bright, diamond letter H catching the light.

Usually, you tried not to let Sunghoon get to you. He was just a jealous, rude, idiot who wanted to bring you down for no reason. But today, his words reverberated in your head, ringing painfully, no matter how hard you tried to get them out.

She’s such a pretender.

It made you wonder, was he right? Were you putting on a show for everyone but you? You had played your role so well, you had almost fooled yourself.

Sometimes you got tired of being perfect. You got tired of keeping up your facade all the time. You almost lost yourself in the process.

Maybe Sunghoon was right. Maybe you were a pretender. Maybe hating you meant that he was the only one who really understood you.

And maybe that was a good enough reason to hate him a little less.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 - chapter iv.

“For the record, I am not happy about this.” Sunghoon said for what must’ve been the millionth time that night. Jake had forced him into a button up and combed his hair, in comparison to his usual overgrown bangs and old band tee. He cleaned up nice, but the boy’s foul expression was enough to drive off any prospective attention.

“Tough luck.” Jake said, adjusting his chain as he smiled charmingly at himself in the mirror. “It’s one party. You’ll be fine.” Sunghoon continued to grumble.

He wasn’t used to seeing himself done up nicely. He felt too vulnerable without his long bangs hiding his eyes and a hoodie to cover himself up. It didn’t feel right to see himself fixed up like this, but he kept telling himself that it was only once, for Jake.

Jake looked down at the watch on his wrist, a string of curses leaving his lips.

“Shit, Sunghoon, we gotta go. We’re late.” he grabbed his jacket off the coat rack, dashing out the door while Sunghoon dragged his feet behind him.

“We’re fashionably late.” the younger boy corrected, Jake turning around to give him an impatient look, nodding his head towards his car.

“We’re gonna miss all the fun, c’mon.” Sunghoon frowned.

“What a shame.” he mumbled under his breath, following his best friend into the car and praying that this night would go well, and without conflict.

That was wishful thinking.

Sunghoon instantly knew he was right when they pulled up into Yeonjun’s driveway. He could hear the music pumping from inside the house, so loud it made his ears ache. He could see the crowds of people through the enormous glass windows, and grimaced at the idea of being among the masses of sweaty bodies. Jake however, seemed delighted, and so Sunghoon tried to put a smile on his face.

Jake turned off the ignition, leaning over to his best friend and studying the blank look on his face. “Ready?” he asked, and Sunghoon nodded with an exasperated sigh, unbuckling his seatbelt and slamming the car door behind him. Jake rolled his eyes.

“This is going to be a nightmare.” Sunghoon said, unable to hold back a quip. Jake patted him on the shoulder, ringing the doorbell with a grin.

“Let’s see if you can last the whole night.”

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

It had only been an hour and your head was already pounding.

All the lights felt too bright, the music was too loud, and too many people were trying to talk to you. After having your crisis of self merely 60 minutes previous, you were definitely not in the mood to make conversation with anyone. You downed your third vodka soda of the night and felt everything get a little hazier. You were satisfied when the sound got a little quieter and the lights became less harsh.

Toting your fourth drink in hand, you dropped down to the couch. Most people were busy dancing, thank God, and the only people on the couch was a girl vomiting in Yeonjun’s best porcelain vase and her friend coaxing it out of her. You didn’t mind it too much. At this point, you were craving some humanity.

You felt a little at ease when Jay sat beside you, smiling in greeting. Jay was pretty much the only one of Heeseung’s friends whom you actually liked.

“How’s the night going?” you asked, sipping on the red cup in your hand.

“It’s alright.” he said, his words slurred as he rubbed his nose. It was clear that he had more than a few drinks, probably a couple past his capacity. “Your friend- what’s her name? Tried talking to me earlier.” You didn’t bother to inquire. “Ning? Ningning?” he laughed to himself. He was obviously drunk, so you took another sip and ignored his ramblings. Even the most sensible of people were insufferable to you at the moment.

He sniffled briefly, and you studied his face. You could practically see the gears in his head turning as he poked his tongue into the flesh of his left cheek thoughtfully.

“Hey,” he suddenly said, looking at you very seriously. “I’m really sorry about that Sunghoon thing, y’know. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and it’s really been bothering me.” You furrowed your brows.

“What Sunghoon thing?” you said, and his jaw dropped open, laughing drunkenly as he covered his mouth. Clearly he had said something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Oops, did Heeseung never tell you?” he said, trying to backtrack. “Oh, we just fucked with Sunghoon a little in sophomore year. You know, back before you and Heeseung started dating.” An awful feeling crept into your insides as you stared at him relentlessly until he finally continued. “We, uh, we just wrote him a letter or something like that.”

“What did it say?” you demanded.

“Oh, you know.” he said for the thousandth time, and you were beginning to lose your patience. He took a swig of your drink to loosen his tongue. Jay knew he shouldn’t be the one to tell you about this, but his conscience was pressing him to continue, and so he did. “We just said some mean stuff, called him a freak. Told him to stay away from you. It was Heeseung’s idea, really.”

You felt a pit in your stomach. You felt so sick, you didn’t even have the capacity to register the anger bubbling up in your throat. Why would your boyfriend do this? What had Sunghoon ever done to him?

You didn’t even notice that you were defending Sunghoon over Heeseung.

“Why would you do that?” you asked blankly, and Jay stood up quickly, stumbling drunkenly as he almost lost his balance. He sensed that he said something he shouldn’t, and if he kept drunkenly blabbering, Heeseung would definitely kick his ass for it sooner or later.

“Uh, you should ask Heeseung about t-this.” he stuttered, evading before you got angry. He had never seen you upset before. Nobody had, with the exception of one.

You stood from the couch, downing the remainder of your drink, feeling the alcohol leave a burning trail down your throat before you tossed the cup to the side.

You had to find your boyfriend.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Dear Sunghoon,

I know you have a crush on me. I’m sorry to say this, but I really don’t reciprocate your feelings. To be honest, I find it disgusting that you think you even have a chance with me.

Maybe you haven’t realized, but we come from completely different worlds. People actually like me. You might not know what that feels like, but it’s actually pretty nice to be liked. I get good grades, I make friends, I do the work. Something you wouldn’t know much about. You’re nothing compared to me. You have no idea what it’s like to be admired, or to have friends. Maybe that’s because you’re always alone, daydreaming like a fucking loser.

I could never love someone like you. You’re a freak.

Sincerely, y/n.

P.S. I’m in love with Lee Heeseung.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

Jake, that bastard, had absolutely disappeared. He had left Sunghoon stranded in a house full of strangers. And not just any house; the house of the man he disliked nearly the most. Well, after you, then Heeseung, then Jungwon… you get the point.

Sunghoon wasn’t a big drinker, but he downed any alcohol he could get his hands on. His fourth shot of vodka left a fierce burning in his throat, and he tried his best to ignore it. Alcohol was just about the only thing that could make him feel a little less alienated in a place full of people that despised him. With every sideways glance, even an admiring or curious one, he felt more and more like running away. But he promised to stick around for the night, and he was a man of his word. Most of the time, at least.

He felt his eyes almost roll into the back of his head when Lee Heeseung approached him, toting one of his goons behind him.

“Can I help you?” Sunghoon said from behind the rim of his cup, brows raised skeptically. Heeseung had a foul look on his face, one that Sunghoon hadn’t really seen before. He seemed to be a jolly guy most of the time.

“What are you doing here?” he said, voice low.

“Sorry, I wasn’t informed that you were Yeonjun’s security guard. I’ll be on my way out, if need be.” Sunghoon said sardonically, and Heeseung’s scowl only deepened.

“I’m warning you, watch what you say to me.” Heeseung said, pointing so closely, his index finger nearly brushed his chest. “I think we both know you don’t belong here.”

“Wow, it seems like you’ve got an attitude problem. Not as innocent as everyone thinks, huh?” Sunghoon didn’t shy away from the contact, attempting to close the inch difference between their heights. It was a lot harder than it seemed. “Just like you little girlfriend.” he provoked, and Heeseung grabbed the front of his shirt, jaw pulsing.

“You watch what you saw about her.” Heeseung said through grit teeth. “You’re just jealous, and we all know it. She could never love someone like you. You’re a freak.”

I could never love someone like you. You’re a freak.

Sunghoon furrowed his brow. He tried his hardest to keep his lower lip from trembling. He couldn’t show that he was hurt, no matter what.

“I’m not afraid of you.” he said.

Heeseung scoffed. “You’re pretending.”

“I’m not the only one.” The two boys stood in silence for a beat.

Heeseung dropped Sunghoon’s shirt, adjusting his jacket with a glare. “Fuck you, Sunghoon. We come from different worlds, you have no idea what it’s like to be me.”

We come from completely different worlds.

You have no idea what it’s like to be admired.

With that, Heeseung was gone, his lackeys disappearing as well. And it was all coming back to Sunghoon, biting his lip furiously to distract from the burning in his eyes. He downed the rest of what was in his cup, wandering back to the kitchen.

Maybe he wasn’t welcome here, but he was going to drink them dry before he left.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

“I have a surprise for you!” Jungwon waved his arms excitedly. You stared at him, completely unamused. Your best friend definitely had the worst timing ever.

“I’m a little busy.” you said, trying to push past him to no avail. You didn’t feel like explaining your situation, not until after you talked to your boyfriend.

“It’s really important,” Jungwon insisted, pressing his hands to the small of your back and steering you towards the staircase. You tried to squirm out of his grip but gave up about halfway through. You would humor Jungwon and see his stupid surprise, then you’d find Heeseung and have a serious conversation.

“Okay, right this way,” Jungwon mumbled, pushing you into a spare guest bedroom. “Wait here for just a moment, I need to get something ready.”

“How long is this going to take?” you said exasperatedly, flopping down onto the bed and crossing your arms.

“Just a minute!” he yelled before slamming the door, dashing away.

As he walked into the corridor, he high fived a certain blond haired boy, Jake rushing by to find his respective best friend.

“Some guy upstairs said he was looking for you.” Jake said, jabbing his thumb at the staircase. Sunghoon’s brows knitted, looking up skeptically before taking another swig of the drink in his hand.

“Me? Was it Heeseung?” Jake shrugged ambiguously.

“Don’t know. He was walking real fast, muttering your name. I think he went into one of the rooms upstairs.” Sunghoon put down his cup, rolling his eyes and heading quickly to the staircase. Jake grinned successfully, trailing behind the boy as he muttered strings of profanities and insults.

“What the fuck does he want…” Sunghoon grumbled, opening the first door he saw when he went upstairs, shutting it in exasperation when a couple screamed, their intimacy interrupted. Jake grimaced; Sunghoon seemed unaffected. He continued this with three more doors, until he finally reached one with a white frame and a silver handle, one with squeaky hinges, one that locked from the outside.

“Where is he-” Jake shoved the boy with all his might, slamming the door behind him as his best friend yelped, pounding on the door. Jungwon came running from around the corner, diving for the doorknob with a key in hand, turning it firmly in the lock. No matter how much Sunghoon protested, it was futile.

“Nice one.” Jake said, high fiving the younger boy as the two proudly celebrated their success. They stared at the door until Sunghoon’s protests went quiet, and the culprits were left with an awkward silence as they registered their actions.

“...We did a good thing, right?” Jungwon asked unsurely. “...Yeah. Definitely.”

“Oh, fucking excellent. God, this night couldn’t get any worse.” Sunghoon said immediately upon noticing your presence. He huffed, pacing around the room while you stared at him, eyes watery, biting down on your lip hard. Sunghoon was filled with so much rage, he was unable to speak, and the two of you sat in silence for a brief second before you got to your feet, walking straight up to him and slapping him in the face.

“I am so fucking mad at you!” you yelled, shocking both of you.

“Me? What could I have possibly done to make you mad at me?” Sunghoon shouted incredulously, pressing his hand to his hot cheek, red blooming under his skin.

“This whole rivalry!” you said, gesturing vaguely. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” he asked irritatedly.

“About the letter!” Sunghoon paled. He had imagined this moment a hundred times over, and none of those hypotheticals went like this. He simply couldn’t have this conversation with you, it was too painful. It was in the past.

“Why should I? You’re the one that wrote it.” he said frustratedly.

“Jeez, you’re so fucking stupid. I never would have done that to you. I wouldn’t say any of that mean shit to you. I didn’t write that letter!”

He scoffed, “Oh yeah, then who did?”

“Heeseung did, Sunghoon.” He paused for a moment, not sure what to say.

You’re just jealous, and we all know it.

She could never love someone like you, you’re a freak.

We come from completely different worlds.

You have no idea what it’s like to be me.

Heeseungs hurtful words rang around his head, cutting into his skin like hot knives. It was impossible. You wrote the letter. Heeseung wouldn’t have done that.

“Why would he do that?” you stared at him, unbelieving at how oblivious he was.

“Because I was in love with you, obviously!”

It felt like Sunghoon’s heart was on fire. The two of you stared at each other in silence for what felt like centuries, Sunghoon’s head spinning. Suddenly, everything was much too real for him to take in. His rising body temperature, the sweet lilt of your voice, the way you looked at him through your lashes.

“What?” he questioned blankly, hardly even registering what you were saying. He felt dizzy. “You were in love with me?”

“Well, it was freshman year. I was 14. Can you just shut the fuck up? I’m still mad at you.” you said, your cheeks went aflame with the realization of what you had just said.

He grinned. “You’re so dumb.”

“You’re so fucking annoying-” Suddenly, his lips crashed into yours.

He tangled his hands in your hair, knotting his left hand in your hair. You kissed him in return as he held your waist in his right hand, his teeth biting your lower lip. You both fought for dominance, staggering through the room until your back hit the wall, and you wrapped a leg around his waist as he cursed under his breath. It was a kiss of hatred, but at the same time, relief. His lips felt as though they were made to fit yours, fitting like a puzzle piece. You parted for a breath, but he pulled you back in hungrily.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” The two of you pulled away immediately as Jake cursed loudly, Jungwon behind him with a look on his face like you had just shot him. “What is wrong with you two? We wanted you to make up, not make out!”

“Get the fuck out!” Sunghoon shouted, running after his best friend and shoving him away, slamming the door behind them with a heavy exhalation. When he turned back to you, you were trying to hold back a giggle and failing miserably.

The two of you began to laugh, and Sunghoon dropped to the floor with a sigh, you doing the same and sidling up to him.

“I can’t believe we just did that.” you said, feeling intensely embarrassed.

“ Yeah, I bet you’ll give me herpes.” Sunghoon mocked, and you turned to him with a glare, and he held his hands up. “Old habits die hard. But I really am sorry I was mean to you. I didn’t know Heeseung wrote the letter.” You scowled at the reminder.

“Heeseung…” you said, rubbing your eyes. “Jesus. What am I gonna do about him?” Sunghoon didn’t reply, staring at the ceiling thoughtfully.

“Did you ever think I was a freak?” he asked suddenly. You frowned.

“Why would I think that?”

“I don’t know. I was always alone, always daydreaming. I wasn’t popular or anything. Didn’t you ever consider that you shouldn’t like someone like me?”

“Someone like you?” you snorted. “C’mon, don’t be full of yourself. You’re just a person. I could care less if you like to be alone, or if you daydream. So does everyone else, they’re just not brave enough to say it aloud.” Sunghoon smiled in relief, and he wanted nothing more than to press another hungry kiss to your lips. But he knew he needed to hold back. I mean, you had just gotten over your rivalry a couple minutes ago. He should probably give it some time before he starts kissing his ex-nemesis.

“You should probably go,” he said, avoiding eye contact. “I bet people are looking for you. And I think you might need to talk to your boyfriend.”

“Ex boyfriend, when I’m done with him.” you said, rolling your eyes and getting to your feet, bruising the dust off of your dress. You held out a hand to assist Sunghoon in getting up, and he took it with a smile. You walked, turning back when he didn’t follow you. “C’mon. Let’s show Heeseung that we’re not enemies anymore.”

He couldn’t hold back his grin.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

You felt like the room quaked when you walked downstairs with Sunghoon.

The music didn’t stop, but it almost seemed like everything went silent, hundreds of pairs of eyes landing on the two of you immediately, narrowed, criticizing. Sunghoon was sweating at the judgment, but you strode confidently, not paying any attention to their stares. And like magic, everyone began to turn around and mind their own business. You sent Sunghoon a wink.

“Do anything with confidence, and people won’t give a shit.” you said. Sunghoon grinned. He knew he had a lot to learn from you. The two of you slid through the bodies, navigating your way through until you spotted him from across the room.

Lee Heeseung. The man you called the love of your life just a few hours ago. You wonder if you still loved him after what happened.

“I think I’m gonna head out.” Sunghoon said, tilting his head towards the door.

“See you later, Sunghoon. Don’t be a stranger.” you said, before turning on your heel and marching away. He shook his head at your retreating figure, smiling with a warm blush on his cheeks before he made his exit.

“Heeseung!” you yelled across the room, attempting to pass by the hordes of drunks to get to your boyfriend. Him and his friends were playing a rowdy game of beer pong, and he watched you inquisitively with a ball in hand. “We need to talk.”

“About what, baby?” he asked, tossing the ball and scoring with ease, Yeonjun and Beomgyu cheering behind him and chanting his name.

“Heeseung.” you said his name coldly, and he grew serious within an instant.

“Yeonjun, take my place.” he said, slapping his friend on the back as the boy raised his brow, the group watching you with curiosity as you walked away.

You led Heeseung to the backyard, crossing your arms the minute you turned around to face him. He could tell you were serious as ever.

“What is it baby?” he said with concern, reaching for your arm, but you pulled away from him quickly. He only grew more worried.

“Heeseung, do you have anything to tell me?” you asked vaguely, and every bad thing he had done in his entire life ran through his head in an instant.

“No?” he said pathetically. “Y/n, will you just tell me what you want?”

“Why did you write Sunghoon that letter?” Heeseung paled. He didn’t think you would find out. Not this soon. “You said such hurtful things to him, why? And addressed from me?” You said, voice wobbling.

“Baby, let me explain-”

“You’re the reason Sunghoon hated me so much. I put up with his belittling for years because I thought I deserved it somehow. Just to find out it was you all along? What kind of fucked up person would do that?”

“How else was I supposed to get him away from you?”

“That’s not your decision to make, Heeseung.” you said coldly.

“Look, baby, that was all in the past. I’m really sorry, can’t we just look past it?”

“No, Heeseung, because you hurt an innocent person really badly. And that is always unforgivable.” you sighed, pinching the space between your brows.

“He doesn’t matter, y/n. I’m your boyfriend, not him!”

“Well, not anymore.” Both of you froze. Through the glass walls, the entirety of the party stared at the two of you, Decelis’ golden couple. Now destroyed.

“You’re breaking up with me,” Heeseung said slowly, in disbelief. “Over Park Sunghoon?” You stared at him for a moment, before steeling yourself.

“Yes. Yes I am.” And then you walked off, pushing past the shocked crowds with tears in your eyes, gunning it for the door and disappearing into the night.

Something was telling you to run after him.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

epilogue.

“She’s still at it?” Jake asked in disbelief. Just a moment previous, you had strode straight up to Sunghoon from your spot at the blackboard with the utmost confidence and placed a lollipop onto his lap. You didn’t even look into his eyes, just turning on your heel and returning to your duties.

He was beginning to get envious looks from his fellow classmates, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“S’pose so.” Sunghoon said, unwrapping the cellophane and popping the treat into his mouth with a satisfying suction sound. “Mm. At least she’s giving me good flavors these days.”

“It’s been three years. You’d think she’d stop by now.” Jake shook his head, tossing his notebooks and laptop into his backpack as the bell rang, dismissing class.

“She’ll never stop. She loves me.” Sunghoon grinned proudly, the stick of his lollipop protruding from the corner of his upturned mouth.

“Why doesn’t she ever bring me lollipops?” Sunghoon frowned, slapping Jake in the back with his notebook before shoving it into his duffel. “Ow! What?”

“She’s my girlfriend. She’s not allowed to give lollipops to anyone but me.” Sunghoon said, like it was obvious, walking to the front of the class with Jake in tow just behind him. “Besides, you don’t even like lollipops anyway.”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

Even after a year of dating, you and Sunghoon were still up to your classic shenanigans. It was a wonder that the two of you were still together, considering how often you bickered. You were lucky that you loved each other more than enough to make up for the arguments.

“Hey, baby.” he said, striding up to your place at the front of the class and pressing a sloppy kiss onto your cheek. You wiped your cheek off with a playful scowl, before plucking the lollipop from Sunghoon’s mouth and putting it between your lips.

“Hey, Hoonie. Hey, Jake.” You reached for your boyfriend’s hand as the three of you walked out of class together. “How was practice, you two?”

“Mm, I’m tired.” Sunghoon said, pecking you as Jake rolled his eyes at your overt pda. “Jake’s been keeping me busy with training.”

“If you weren’t so shit, I wouldn’t have to train you all the time.” Jake ruffled the younger boy’s hair as he looked up at him with a scowl. After your debacle with Heeseung, Jake quit the rugby team, deciding he favored soccer. It turned out to be a good decision, as he was quite good at it, and you decided it must have been pure fate that gave him a scholarship to the same college you and Sunghoon were attending.

“Hey, I joined soccer way before you did. Have some respect for your seniors.” Sunghoon said, evading Jake’s hands as he reached to slap the younger boy, the two tussling as you watched with a smile, sucking on your lollipop. “Jesus, don’t you ever get tired of those two?” a weary voice said, sidling up to you as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. You turned to face Jungwon, his bangs matted to his forehead and his button up shirt nearly halfway undone.

“You’ve been sleeping during class?” you asked, humor in your tone as your best friend turned to you with a raised brow.

“How could you tell?” You didn’t answer. Sunghoon ran to you, a big grin on his face as he dragged Jake behind him in a headlock.

“Hey, Jungwon.” he said, reaching for a handshake that Jungwon didn’t reciprocate. He then reached for the stick dangling from your lips, removing it, kissing you softly, and then putting the sucker back in his own mouth.

“You guys are disgusting.” Jake said, voice muffled from under Sunghoon’s bicep.

“Cherry, again?” Jungwon said, watching the bright red sphere as it protruded slightly from Sunghoon’s mouth. “I should’ve known you were up to something when you ordered them in bulk.”

“What can I say? A tradition’s a tradition.” you grinned, taking Sunghoon’s hand as the four of you walked in a line. “A lollipop a day keeps Park Sunghoon away.” He looked at you with a snort, unable to hold back a smile.

“Did you just come up with that?” he asked, amused.

“I did.” you hummed, and he pressed a kiss to your nose, Jungwon and Jake groaning loudly in unison.

“We get it, you’re in love.”

“Enough already, it’s gross.” they whined, and the two of you laughed together, swinging your hands back and forth like a little swing between your sides.

Who knew you and your enemy would fall in love? You certainly couldn’t have predicted it. Turns out that college life had a lot of unexpected surprises in store. But while everything kept changing, there was one thing that always stayed the same.

Sunghoon’s heart always skipped a beat when you gave him a lollipop.

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

3K notes · View notes

alwaysbewoke · 1 month

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The ulterior motive to keep Haiti in turmoil

#haiti #iridium reserves #economics development #dr. henry vixamar #south africa #bureau of mines and energy #southeast department #beloc #alan k. hildebrand #university of arizona #bainet #economy #job creation #national economy #radio métropole

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daegall · 7 months

Text

☆ late night company.

➷ in which the Gods give you a shit day, and Aphrodite makes up for it.

pairing: son of poseidon!jeno x daughter of ares!reader

genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slight angst, bff2l!AU

warnings: anxiety, injuries, reader is implied to be female!!

word count: 4k words

a/n: sorry if any opla readers get this i just suddenly got the urge to write for mr lee jeno bc <3 jeno tee hee !! also wtf this work has been sitting in my drafts for a whole 8 days i wanted to post it SO bad but i went out of country and didnt have my laptop </33

anw!!! bros the sunflower of 3 years is now jeno biased,,,, sorry hyuck i still love you

You feel your heart continuously spiraling in your chest. It's growing wild, crashing heartbeats uneven and quick. With every breath you breathe, you feel a dark, nervous pit in your stomach grow.

Anxiety.

One place you never fail to find yourself at when you're feeling especially weak, is none other than by the river. Oftentimes you spend your time skipping rocks or staring at the water, the tranquility bringing some kind of peace to you.

However, none of those things seem to help tonight.

You sit on the dock, playing and fiddling nervously with your fingers as your mind runs too fast for your liking.

"You're on my property,"

A sudden voice to your right startles you, more than you'd like, yelping in surprise.

And at your reaction, the person next to you instantly knows something is wrong.

It's Lee Jeno, son of Poseidon, heartthrob of all of Camp Half Blood.

Someone who's stolen your heart.

Jeno stands there with a boyish smile on his face, a glint in his eyes shows no harm, though shines with charm. His hair is messy, which is normal for this late hour, but he seems as awake as ever.

He's a big reason why you're in this state, and it seems to get worse and better at the same time as you observe his expressions. His eyebrows crease, in worry, lips that were previously smiling quickly transforming into a worried frown.

"Sorry," You mumble, frantically standing up. "I didn't realize,"

How did it even slip your mind? You're by the lake, he's the son of the God of the Seas, of course you're in his area.

Before you can take a step forward, Jeno halts you, "No!" he reaches out with a hurry laced in his voice. "No, please stay,"

He could never forgive himself if he were to leave you alone in such a state. It's clear you're vulnerable. And for you to be just the slightest bit disturbed is a bad sign.

You've always been calm, composed, even in the heat of a battle, you were always so sure of yourself. Seeing you here, so oblivious about everything, your mind drifted somewhere far? Jeno can't help but worry.

"O-oh, okay," You nod, before awkwardly retracting your foot, taking it back right next to your other one.

It's silent a moment after, with neither of you knowing what to say. All that can be heard is the quiet waves rippling through the lake, and the soft bristling of the trees brushing against each other.

God, Jeno looks really cute tonight.

It's rare to find him outside of his armor, paired with his sword, gifted from his father, and shield, looking fit for the title of a demi-god, and yet tonight you see him so human. He sports a bomber jacket, a random band t-shirt underneath, and a pair of basketball shorts.

To put it simply, Lee Jeno looks very boyfriend material right now.

To him as well, you look different from what you're usually looking like on a daily basis. Just like him, you look human. But in a different way. Once again, you look vulnerable. There's an obvious nervous glint in your eyes, unfocused and darting everywhere, and your form shrinks with every moment that passes, arms hugging to yourself.

"Are you okay?"

Jeno's voice is comforting, gentle, and yet it still manages to startle you.

Why are you so uneasy tonight?

You don't respond. Your mouth opens, but nothing comes out. A moment passes, then another, but you can't seem to find your words.

"No," You breathe out. In an instant, you feel your body relax when the truth finally comes out, relaxing further when Jeno seems to be unbothered by the fact, reaching out to you.

You accept his offer, stepping closer to him, your fast heartbeat finally slowing when his hands gently search for comfort in yours, his thumbs rubbing gently at your skin.

"I'm not okay,"

"I know,"

And when Jeno looks into your eyes, he doesn't think anything could hurt him more than this. He's been in countless battles, earned multiple injuries and scars, but there's a different kind of hurt when he sees the tears forming at your waterline.

"Can you explain?" You find solace in his warm touch, following as he tugs at your arm. A silent invitation to his cabin. You don't pull away. Jeno glances at you for an answer, smiling softly when you nod simply.

You can't explain it, but there's a feeling you have whenever you're around Lee Jeno. It's comforting, gentle, and you feel that you can be genuinely vulnerable around him.

You think it's love.

You date it back to last summer, when you had defeated him in a small spar together. Despite you winning, he was the one smiling brighter. It confused you at first. You thought maybe he was making fun of you, maybe he let you win, but a moment later, you realized it was admiration.

The way his smile caused your own had your heart lifting, filling your head with thoughts you never thought you'd have for anyone.

When you went to Jaemin, son of Aphrodite, he thought you were dumb at first. How could you not see it? Lee Jeno had been harboring feelings for you for weeks, and finally, you felt the same.

And just 2 weeks ago—13 days and 12 hours ago, to be exact, Jeno confessed his feelings.

Feeling terrified and confused about what to do, you asked for time, time in which he gave you generously.

You don't know why he's still nice to you, when you've been taking so damn long to answer him.

You suppose he really does love you, you conclude it when he's taken you to sit with him on a couch.

The cabin is quiet, so very quiet, it's a nice change from your cabin, full of life and busy people running left and right, with crafting tables in every corner, you like how quiet it is.

Jeno sits patiently next to you, his hands still in yours. "How are you feeling now?"

You peer up at him, attempting to blink your tears away. "Better," You sigh, smiling lightly. It's natural, and unlike your usual bold smile, but Jeno feels absolutely lucky to be able to see it.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

He means no harm, simply wanting to help you, but it still confuses you. How could he be so caring towards you?

You answer him, despite your mixed emotions, quietly mumbling, "I've just had a really shit day." Your head turns away from him, almost embarrassingly, pursing your lips.

Jeno's hand releases from yours, and although you instantly miss its warmth, his fingers find itself caressing at your jaw lovingly, before he turns your head back to him. He looks at you with care, so lovingly that it almost overwhelms you, as he speaks, "Tell me about it,"

Something about Lee Jeno just makes you want to melt, to depend fully on him and be loved, to love him. It scares the shit out of you.

"I lost a sparring," You mumble. Jeno can't help but chuckle a little. To others, losing a practice battle is routine, everyday, but it means so much to you it makes him feel proud of how passionate you are.

However, there's something you're not telling him. He can feel it.

"And then?"

"And then my siblings were constantly at my neck because of it."

Truth be told, it's not just today's battle. You've been off for 2 whole weeks, and for good reason.

But feeling this way... it feels so foreign to you. You hate that Jeno has such a hold on you, such an effect on you, plaguing your mind and constantly being reminded of him from the smallest things, it's new.

But another part of you longs for more, for more change, to explore this new thing, to be happy with Jeno.

"I feel weak," You tell him. You feel even weaker when he hums in understanding, feeling the warmth of his fingers caress your skin. His hand is still on your jaw, now wiping away the stray tears you didn't even realize you had let slip, oh so gently and carefully.

"I'm supposed to be strong, like my siblings, like my father. But I can barely control my emotions and actions and sometimes I just feel so... useless? I'm Ares’ daughter, for fucks sake. The God of war. I-I should be able to fight with no problem, win every fight. Isn't that what I was made for?"

You can sense Jeno's growing concern, you can feel it with each hush he lets out when you cry a little harder, you can feel it now that he's let both of your hands go to cup dearly at your cheeks, and you hate that you yearn for more.

Why must you appear so weak in front of Lee Jeno?

"I know it's just my emotions and whatnot, but... god, I don't want to disappoint people anymore,"

Jeno shakes his head, squeezing gently at your cheeks. "Don't say that. You don't disappoint anyone,"

"I disappoint my father—I disappoint myself." You say instantly, and it's clear it's a thought you've had for a long time. "I disappoint you..."

Jeno's eyes desperately search for yours, his face leaning in close to yours. "Hey, hey, look at me,"

His voice lulls you to a calmer state, as he shakes his head lightly, and despite all that you've said, how much of a burden you've been to him, he smiles at you. How can he smile at you? When you've been nothing but so frustrating tonight?

"You could never disappoint anyone," Jeno mumbles firmly, stroking at your cheek. "not me, at least,"

For months on end, Jeno has watched you beat yourself up for the smallest things you do wrong. A small mistake during a spar, tactics failing in a game of capture the flag, even when you get the date wrong you never cease to criticize yourself.

You've got high expectations. Expectations even you yourself can't reach.

"Don't you see? I'm disappointing you right now," You breathe out. It's full of anguish, distress, as if to prove a point. A point that Jeno can never see. "I'm being such a burden, you shouldn't even have to take care of me—"

"—I want to take care of you." Jeno interjects immediately. "I need to know you're safe. I don't care if you think you're a burden, because I know you will never be one."

Through your sniffling, and wobbly lips, a smile is somehow curling on your lips, as your hands creep up to circle around Jeno's wrists.

"There's that smile," He whispers, with the brightest grin you might ever see, a smile even Apollo, the God of sun and light could never beat.

Jeno leans in close, before he presses his lips gently to your cheek, cleaning you of your tears. Each kiss he leaves on your skin spreads warmth within you, like a fire growing bigger and bigger, until it consumes your whole soul.

This time, you welcome the fire, finally feeling secure within Jeno's arms.

What have you been so worried about? Lee Jeno may be oblivious at times, but he's not dumb. He's genuine, he's caring and loving and he's the same person who confessed his love for you 13 days ago, the same heart, the same mind, the same Jeno.

So, you fall into him. You don't care if it's terrifying, or if you have a few bumps on the way, because Jeno is your safetynet. He always has been, and will always continue to be your safetynet.

You just hope Jeno feels the same for you.

You're brought back to reality when Jeno pecks lightly at your nose, his laugh resonating through the room right after he sees your shocked face.

"You know I like you, right?"

You've known for 13 days and 12 hours. Even with all that time to process his confession, it's like he's saying it for the first time, as he holds your face dearly, as he stares into your eyes with so much emotion, it almost overwhelms you. He says it as if he means it.

And he does.

"I know," You know with all your heart. You melt when he smiles sweetly down at you, your throat burning with the urge to tell him that you like him too, hell you might even love him. Your fingers tingle, yearning for his touch, your heart burning for him. But he doesn't deserve it. Not after how long you made him wait for a response.

You don’t understand how Jeno could ever look at you the way he is right now, his eyes shining with such a dear look in them, his lips curling lightly. You know you look like a mess, with your puffy eyes and wet cheeks, how could anyone see the worst side of you and still love you?

You suppose it’s the pressure you get from all your tough siblings, standards way too high for you to reach, but you know you would feel the same if Jeno was crying in your arms as well.

“Good.” He mumbles. “It won’t change.”

A sensation hits you. Your heart jumps and you feel all of a sudden breathless. No amount of tears could take this much air from your lungs, and it’s not anxiety filling them. This time… it’s a warm feeling, it swirls and spreads all through you as Jeno continues.

“I know what you’re thinking, Y/N, that I would stop liking you just because you didn’t answer me. But that’s not true,” He shakes his head, stroking at your cheeks as he scoots closer to you. His voice grows softer, but with the distance between you two, he’s never been clearer before. “I’ll wait for you. Forever, if I have to.”

Lee Jeno has you hypnotized, and you wonder if this is what sirens are like, because he’s all that you want suddenly, you feel so dizzy and hazed with… love. You love him, goddamn it, and he loves you too.

“Just… take your time, okay? I want your answer to come from you, your heart. Not from your siblings, or father, or even me. I want your truth,”

And your truth is him. It stupid to think, but you truly do think that you were made to be with Lee Jeno.

When he pulls away, and finally gives you some (very unwanted) space, you decide to tell him.

“Jeno,” You breathe out. You’re sure the sounds of waves outside his window can easily beat your volume, but you’re more sure Jeno hears you, as his eyebrows shoot up instantly, and he hums, leaning in close. He’s always so tentative to you, you’ve always loved this trait about him.

“It’s been two weeks–”

“–I said you don’t need to–”

“–I want to,”

This time, it’s him who goes speechless, and you can almost see the pink in his cheeks growing under the dark light of his cabin. “Go on,” He finally says.

“Thank you,” You reply. “As I was saying, it’s been two weeks, and I’m ready to give you my answer.”

Jeno’s shocked when you reach over, fingers brushing over his, as you take his hands in yours. “I’ve… always been held under some sort of expectation, always being watched, waiting for some victory, and I hated it. I still do,”

Jeno’s heart softens, as does his eyes as he listens, knowing very well what you are talking about. You’ve isolated yourself countless times when you are unable to reach the expectations, afraid to show anyone emotion.

“and god, did I want to give up. I’m sick of my siblings always picking at my every flaw, judging every step I take. I felt trapped. But you… you’re the opposite. I feel so free around you, it scares the shit out of me. I think about you constantly, day and night, when I’m training or just reading a book, every tiny thing reminds me of you and it’s honestly scary. And you have no expectations for me, it was confusing at first, but I understand now. I don’t have any for you, either. I love how competitive you are, and how you’re still so humble despite being a child of one of the big three’s, and how you take care of everyone, even people you don’t know, and hell–I find your lame jokes funny. I never minded when you’d watch over me, if anything, I loved it. And I was confused what it was at first,”

You suck in a deep breath, shutting your eyes, Your heart beats loud in all your senses, you feel it rising at your throat, tingling at your fingers that Jeno caresses, but it’s okay. It’s Jeno, he could never hurt you.

“But I know now.” Your eyes flutter open, and in a second, your nerves fly away. Jeno’s looking at you with so much love, patiently waiting for you to finish, so you do.

“I like you, Jeno. I might even love you,”

You both grow silent after that.

Once again, you grow anxious.

Holy shit, did he lose feelings in the span of your 2 minutes spent ranting to him?

And when you’re about to lose all hope of an acceptance, Jeno’s fingers tighten around yours the moment they attempt to slip away.

Alarmed, your eyes slowly trail back up to his face, unable to read his expressions.

Jeno sighs. “Say it again?”

“The… the whole thing? I mean, I could,” You mumble. You’re serious. You could recite the whole thing if he wanted word-by-word, you’d do anything for Lee Jeno right now.

When he doesn’t say a word, you suspect it’s what he’s genuinely asking for, clearing your throat to start over once again. “right, okay, uh… how did I start?”

Suddenly, you realize that you are not capable of reciting the whole thing word-by-word. It had all come out with its own flow, you had absolutely no control of your mind, nor did you even think you’d have to say the whole thing again.

Despite that, you still try. “Um–I was always told I had expectations… is that what I said? I don’t know, I don’t really remember. Just something about um, feeling trapped, or something… and feeling free around you? Is that… I think that’s what I said.”

Stupidly, you keep going, knowing fully well that you can’t repeat the deep and touching moment. Jeno finds it so very endearing that you try, however, unable to find it in himself to actually stop you, when you look so cute holding onto his hands and trying to remember your words.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, but after that I said something about, uh, you being a child of Poseidon? God, I can barely remember. Anyway, you’re cool, Jeno, you really are–”

Suddenly, your mouth clamps shut. A warmth envelops your chin, lips, to your cheeks, before you realize Lee Jeno has his hand covering your mouth, shutting you up. You’re surprised to see a grin on his lips, even more so when he starts chuckling, taking his hand off to ruffle it gently on the top of your head. “Not that part,” He finally says.

“Then… which part?” The way you look at him, Jeno almost thinks you’re doing it all on purpose. Your eyes shining just for him, your confused scrunch on your eyebrows, how could he ever fall more in love with you?

“You love me?”

Oh. That part.

“...yeah,” You breathe out, growing shy. It takes you a moment, before you remember his words.

Say it again.

“I think I’m in love with you, Jeno,”

At your words, he seems to grow tense, but it’s different from all the sparring matches you’ve had with him. He has a huge smile on his face, his eyes creasing into little moons, moons in which you love, the smile that you long to see everyday. How did it take you so long to decide you love him?

“I think I’m in love with you too, Y/N.”

“Okay, cool,” You nod, attempting to act cool. The Gods know how you really feel, your heart beating as fast as ever, shit eating grin growing on your face as his hands slip in yours once more, as you lean into him. “that’s super cool,”

“mhm, yeah, really epic,” Jeno mirrors your attitude, you can tell he’s growing shy. You know from the way his voice dies down a little, growing small with mumbles, you know from the way he curls his body slightly, but he’s still as confident as ever, bumping his forehead with yours.

You chuckle at the action, shutting your eyes to savor the moment.

At that moment, you both silently thank Aphrodite, for guiding the both of you here, right now.

Your eyes open once again, and you find Jeno already staring at you. You offer him a smile, one that he welcomes, and returns with his own bright grin. His mouth opens slightly for a moment, but nothing comes out. Jeno blinks, thinking hard to himself.

You wonder what he could be thinking about, but before you could wonder more, or even ask what’s on his mind, he speaks.

“Can I… kiss you?”

You chuckle lightly at his words, bringing your forehead away from his as your head throws back in soft laughter. Albeit confused, Jeno still watches, his heart burning with every laugh you let out.

“You know you don’t have to ask, right?” You finally say as you stop laughing. “Go ahead,”

Jeno smiles, and his face is so close to yours that he could smile against your own. Your noses brush, eyes slowly shutting, and his warm lips envelop yours. It feels tender, soft, gentle, and loving, his hands wrapping slowly around your waist. Kissing Jeno is different from what you’ve always thought kissing him would be like. It’s comforting, not rushed. It’s welcoming, it feels like home, where you’ve always belonged.

Jeno feels the exact same thing, his lips curling and shifting between yours as your hands hold dearly at his jaw, caressing at his skin.

When you pull away, all that resonates through the Poseidon cabin is your shallow breathing, and sounds of the soft waves hitting shore, and it couldn’t be more perfect. In Jeno’s arms, worrying about nothing, thinking about nothing but him.

“Stay the night?”

“What?”

Jeno’s eyes widen as he realizes his abrupt words, his mouth gaping. “N-no! Not like that!”

You both know it’s not like that. You find it cute that he still says it, anyway.

“I-I mean, your siblings upset you, right? You don’t want to go back to your cabin–unless you want to! Of course, it’s your choice, completely,”

And they say chivalry is dead.

All you can do is continue to stare at him as he goes on and on, admiring the way his cheeks grow red, and his rushed words, you wonder if this is how Jeno felt when you ranted before.

“I, personally, don’t want you going somewhere you don’t feel safe in, you know? With people who have hurt you. We could just hang out, talk, or something. I can show you a bunch of stuff my dad left for m–”

This time, Jeno’s shocked, blinking at you as your hand envelops his lips to halt his ranting.

“I’d love to stay over,” You mumble, dropping your hand from his face. “you’re the only one I feel safe with right now,”

Jeno finally grins, feeling love resonate through his body, reaching out to place his palm on your cheek. The love spreads and multiplies as you lean into his palm, like a disease, but you know if that was the case you would have been infected for a long time already.

“...so can I check out Poseidon’s trident?”

“Oh, for sure. That thing’s huge.”

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fairybinie · 1 year

Text

pairings: choi beomgyu x gn!reader

genre: fluff, humor, angst, high school au (seniors), drama club, enemies to lovers, social media au + written chapters

synopsis: popular and menacingly wicked choi beomgyu has the entire senior class wrapped around his finger. the high school drama club has cherished y/n as their veteran for four years. to fulfill beomgyu’s graduation requirements, he must join y/n’s drama club despite his grudges. unbeknownst to everyone else, y/n and beomgyu have their history. they’ve kissed before (or more like y/n has bitten his lip to bleed) and beomgyu hasn’t lived it down ever since. y/n cannot stand this guy. they can make it through the entire year as the leads in their play, right?

warnings: profanity, mentions of kissing, beomgyu teasing y/n constantly, alcohol, will add more if needed.

featuring: the rest of txt, OC character, isa from stayc.

start date: march 13, 2023

end date: tbd

updates: monday, wednesday, friday

status: ongoing

notes: i told y’all beomgyu would get his own love story! i’m really nervous releasing this after my previous smau, but i’m excited nonetheless to share this with you all. thank you to @boba-beom especially for helping me plan this story and @iyeonjuni for the lovely header as always. i hope you all enjoy this smau and i cannot wait to start this new era <3

taglist (closed): @iyeonjuni @odxrilove @iuwon @ijhyo @cherr-y-eji @ameliesaysshoo @enhacolor @cherrybeomgyu @wccycc @hyukabean @strawberri-uyu @hyuntaena @feyregels @boba-beom @luvnhwa @tyunsion @ashxxgyu @bibinnieposts @laylasbunbunny @robinsluva @shiguresohmas @h00nerz @beomsbeanie @stepout-09-15 @ox1-lovesick @soobsdior @ifwtyun @peachy-yabbay @sunlightwoo @ttyunz @rikijackson04 @miyawwn @aintgeluh @baekhyunstruly @wxderingthoughts @moontyuns @soobpricity @hyeinszn @txtbrainrot @phenomenalgirl9 @fatoompie @stellz581 @bluebearybeom @extriella @1-800-ryujin @galaxyhalloes @tae-ology @dekusgirl @xavi-in-kpopland @obeymeharemowner @bailies-me

send an ask to be apart of the taglist!

profiles 1 / profiles 2 / act 1 / act 2 / act 3 / act 4 / act 5 / act 6 / act 7 / act 8 / act 9 / act 10 / act 11 / act 12 / act 13 / act 14 / act 15 / act 16 / act 17 / act 18 / act 19 / act 20 / act 21 / act 22 / act 23 / act 24 / act 25 / act 26 / act 27 / act 28 / act 29 / act 30 / act 31 / act 32 / act 33 / act 34 / act 35

please do not translate, modify or repost on other platforms.

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hirokari · 2 years

Text

promise me.

wc: 0.6k | p: knight!jeno x gn! monarch!reader | g: knight!au, implied secret relationship, hurt/comfort | w: mentions of battle/war | nets + taglist: @neoturtles @kflixnet @k-radio @ficscafe + @soobin-chois

Jeno’s hand feels warm— a contrast to the cold air that assaults itself into your room through the open window he sneaks into. Though a little clammy, you’re used to his little habits that you’ve grown to love and gently pull him into your room.

He settles down with a plop against his bottom on the armchair you prepare under the sill, a small smile adorning his lips.

“Hi, love,” Says Jeno in a small strained breath. He shuffles around on the velvet cushion, resting a little while as he watches you fumble with your ring– the promise ring he’d given to you just a few years back– from a distance, a small yet burdened smile on your face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He stands up and strides towards you, taking your fidgeting hands into his own pair. There’s a small sense of irony that causes a corner of your lip to quip upwards as you let your lover brush the ends of his fingers across the metal of the band that wraps around your pointer finger.

“You can’t possibly be asking me that, Jeno,” You grumble, tracing your fingers along the creases of his palm. The boy sighs in front of you, his hot breath fanning the tip of your nose as he leans closer, pressing his body against yours.

“Y/N, I will be fine. It’s not the first battle I’ve fought-”

“It’s not the first time I’ve worried for you, either,” You bite back, though there’s no ill intent behind your tone. Jeno wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you flush against him, his other hand still laced with yours.

“Your father is a strong man and king,” He says. “I’ve no doubt in him and the fact that he will lead us into an inevitable and civil victory. Have you no faith in him? In me?”

“It’s our enemy I have no faith in,” You breath, a brief and shaky breath leaving your lips.

“I assure you, your highness, as your sworn protector I will fulfill my duty and keep you and this nation safe.” Announces Jeno grandly, swaying you side to side. “And I know if anything happens to me, you’ll kill me yourself.”

“This is no laughing matter, Lee Jeno.” Your voice is gruff and muffled in the cotton of his clothed chest that shakes as he lets out a content chuckle.

Jeno, pressing his lips to the crown of your hairline, closes his eyes as he breathes in the scent of you. “Y/N, I mean this wholeheartedly when I say I swear I will go through hell and back just to come back to you.”

“Swear on it,”

Your voice is reduced to a mere whisper, a trembling one while you bite the flesh on the inside of your cheek to hold back the tears glossing your eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

Jeno, after having been attacked with an undeniable wave of utter love and adoration at your concern (though, he’d much rather you not cry over the matter), takes your hand and presses your palm against his cheek, kissing your wrist.

“I promise I will come home untouched.”

Your lips thin into a line, “Not nearly enough, but I’ll take it with what little time we have left.” And Jeno grins, a toothy grin that’s contagious and causes your vision to blur because your cheeks are stretched and your eyes squint a little when he shifts and kisses the promise ring he’d given you.

“I swear on my mother I will come back to you.”

“That’s a big stretch,”

“It's not nearly big enough to express how much I love you.”

His lips hooks yours, a chaste and promising kiss before he marches into battlefield the very morning that nears, putting his life on line for yours, though he knows he won’t fall to the ground even if God destined him to– he was always a good bargainer.

#neoturtles #kflixnet #k-radio #ficscafe #♪ mari writes!#nct x reader #nct dream x reader #lee jeno x reader #jeno x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream drabbles #nct dream scenarios #lee jeno fluff #jeno fluff #lee jeno #lee jeno drabbles #nct dream blurbs #lee jeno blurbs #nct

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mygnolia · 2 years

Text

sense of familiarity. | pjs

synopsis -› you could’ve sworn to remember someone like him- but the issue is, he seems to keep denying it. it takes a completely new start for the both of you to become closer, and for him to tell you what the hell’s going on with everything that happened six years ago.

pair -› childhood classmate!jay x gn !reader (pls message me if i it's not gender neutral)

genre -› angst....lil but of fluff..drama! superpower au

wc -› 4.9k

cw -› cursing, lowkey!! gaslighting, theyre both adults. do ik what adults do?? no, they drink a lil…yelling, arguments, food, meals, jay manipulates the readers sense of knowing if that makes sense like everything they’ve known about him is erased, INJURES

this is for cici’s POWER OF LOVE event!! happy late birthday @iyeonjuni !!

I. FIRES BURN FAST, BUT SO DID THE NEXT FIVE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE

The only thing you recognize is fire.

it’s licking up the sides of everything, engulfing the entire bus and if you don’t hurry, you’ll be a part of it too. the metal of the seat feels eerily cool in comparison to the smoke and heat around it, and in wiggling around, you’re able to free your legs from a chair that was knocked over. The longer you spend in there, you can feel the sweat beading on your forehead and the smoke is no good for your lungs in any way. A cough tumbles from your lips, and another, until suddenly your throat closes up from the dryness, and everything seems to get shifted. You can only lie still and cough, rapidly closing eyes following the silhouette that seems to escape the wrath of the flames and pick you up with ease. But with that force, your body shuts off in its last attempt to save itself, and you forget everything from there.

The hospital makes you feel sick in an uncanny way. With the pristine beds and impeccable walls, it’s so picture perfect that it gives you an even worse headache than you already have now. The lights are blinding, the sounds are flat and monotone. It’s only until someone walks in that you move from the lying position you were in to sit up. The doctors check your stats and report that you’re eerily fine despite your physical attributes signaling that your internal systems should’ve suffered much more damage than they should. Your senior class had a lot of injuries, and all of their recoveries would take months in the worst scenario. But for you, they recommended two to three weeks at best, and it made you confused as to how it all came to be. When you asked, all that the nurse responded with was a puzzled expression and “your body is a lot stronger than you think. Our best conclusion was that it cycled as much pollution and harm out of your system by the time medics arrived on the scene. Other than that, all we can say is that it’s a miracle.” It didn’t answer any of your problems, and if anything, it left you with more.

By the time you returned to school, your principal called you in for a scheduled meeting to talk about the incident. In your time away, you did as much research on the crash as you could. It was both a collision and rocky terrain that caused your bus to react the way it did. The information your principal gave you, however, was slightly altered from the media. It was odd, almost as if he wanted to cover something up from the news (or maybe it was the other way around?) and by the time you were done finding information on what happened, the news that the man across from you left you made you confused and your head hurting from all of that thinking.

It just didn’t make sense.

June came in a hurry, and although everyone knew about what happened to a portion of your graduating class, it still didn’t stop anyone who attended from having fun. You recovered fully, except for minor headaches in the spot your hit your head from the crash- but it wasn’t so bad that medicine was prescribed. One thing you wished didn’t come from the aftermath was some of the people you wished to befriend leaving. You didn’t know them well, but they seemed like nice people whom you wanted to connect with in case you’d see them again.

That day never arrived. While it was not the end of the world, it left you with a hollow feeling in your stomach at times. From what you gathered, his parents didn’t want him in that environment, which would be the same case for multiple other students, one of them being a close friend of yours. Everyone and their families handled their doubts in different ways. Some tried to sue the school and companies involved, and some took their child out immediately. Hera’s parents were the latter. It was at some point a few months ago that she transferred to the private school around twenty minutes from here, and with the distance came your thinning relationship. She was recovering, trying to process everything happening at once, and with your exams and personal life, it would be eventual that you two would stop being friends after high school. Summer came with spiking temperatures and the bright sun until 8pm, and while you two still tried to talk often, Hera’s natural social ability landed her a spot with a friend group she had become relatively close with.

There was basically no one left that you knew, and it caused you to feel almost betrayed. It was hard to feel at home in your town, and soon after school ended, you left for college to start anew. The distance wasn’t far, and it was only a few hours from driving from your house to the college campus. In hopes that you’d make different friends and eventually find your way around the mess, you kept an optimistic outlook for the next four years of university. For the longest time, you knew what you wanted to do to some extent, and if it wasn’t that occupation, it was something in the field.

The moment your school was over, you moved to the town in pursuit of your goals. While moving in was not the easiest process, you had a few weeks before your job and the bliss of roaming around a new city was something you never felt, growing up in the same town from when you could remember. It was such a new, almost desperate feeling to get away from the place that haunted your memories, even if it paled in comparison to your achievements and happy moments. Being an adult and being able to somehow sustain yourself was exhilarating- and on your way down to your nearby coffee shop, you don’t expect to see someone who leaves you so unsettled.

You might look weird staring at someone so intensely for sipping from their cup, but you can’t help it. The eerie feeling that lies in your gaze is more than a guess; it’s intuition. When the seemingly not-so stranger glanced in your direction, something clicked. You still couldn’t put your finger on the man and who he was, but you felt yourself walking to him with a blunt question on the tip of your tongue.

“Who are you?”

The man coughs and glances away, fiddling with one of the rings on his finger before responding. “I’m sorry, I don’t know you.” You know it’s not true, and he does too, with the way he immediately shifts to reserved and uptight rather than the somewhat relaxed posture from over.

“That’s not the issue here. I do know you.”

“I’m afraid I can’t recognize you.” He speaks slowly, his eyes constantly darting from one customer to another.

“Bullshit!” You exclaim, loud enough to garner the attention of those with their headphones. He ushers you outside of the building, running a hand through his hair and dragging you somewhere.

“Look, whatever your name is, I don’t know you/ I’ve never seen you in my life and if you could please just stop bothering me I’d appreciate it.” He tells you calmly. It occurs to you then how out of character you’ve been acting recently, and you would buy his act if you weren’t so adamant on your connection to him.

“You can keep playing this game, but I can tell that somewhere, we’ve met. I know you. I have known you.” Your declaration leaves the stranger still, before he sighs and walks back into the cafe. He slings his bag over his shoulder and grabs his drink, taking a sip before discarding it. Soon enough, he blends into a crown of people, and it’s almost like he was never there.

—

You enter the same cafe over and over until you see him again. Despite him not occupying your everyday thoughts, it struck a nerve that he didn’t supposedly know you. And you’d back off and apologize because- to a genuine stranger, you’d be psychotic, someone who didn’t get enough sleep the night before or stress overtook them. But there was something telling you that you weren’t. That the man in the establishment was far more than someone whom you met today, and that somehow, you’d find out what the hell was going on.

When he enters, he scans the room, and when he catches your gaze, he thinks it over before briskly walking out. With no choice, you take the handful of your belongings and run after him, finding his orange sweatshirt far easier than he anticipated. To be fair, though, the man didn’t expect to be hunted down when putting the hoodie on.

“If you don’t know me, why are you walking away? You’re avoiding me!”

“I’m avoiding you because I’m scared of you.” He answers, still walking quickly.

You almost shout. “I’m scared of who you could be!” And with it, he pauses in his tracks.

For these past few days, you’ve been worried that your paranoia wasn’t accounted for, that you were making things up and losing sleep over some fantasy that your mind created. The nights that kept you up consisted of constantly getting water, researching your feelings, and screaming into your pillow.

Without another word, the dark haired man takes your hand, and in the relief of him finally offering you something in return, you follow him. You don’t seem to walk far before he’s ushering you into an apartment complex and leading you up the stairs with a jingle of his keys. The stranger opens the door, leading you inside without a mere interaction between you two during the whole ordeal.

“Why would you care so much about me if you didn’t know me?” You blurt.

“You’re looking too much into things.” The poor man sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t keep letting you make me look bad in public.” The comment makes you roll your eyes at his pretentiousness, and you sit on one of his kitchen counter chairs.

“Unless you explain what’s going on, I’m not going to leave. I have a week until my job starts. I’ve got all the time in the world.” You deadpan, a victorious smile slowly painting your expression. He sighs, and you know that his compliance has something to do with you being right about all of this.

“If you’re going to stay, then be my guest. I can’t kick you out of my home unless I want to get the cops involved.” You narrow your eyes at his weak reasoning, but don’t say anything, and instead spin yourself on his chair. “Would…you like anything? To drink?”

Shaking your head, you instead tell him, “I’d like to know why you’re so familiar.” He takes a moment to respond, filling up his glass with water from his fridge before answering.

“Well, we did go to the same high school, ______.” And it makes sense.

“Jay?”

“Hello to you, too.” He grins before taking a sip from his cup.

After the initial wave of shock, you feel at unease with that being the answer. It shouldn’t have just been just spending the majority of the four years that made you actively pursue a stranger for days. It feels like it hasn’t been quelled, that there’s so much more to the story that just isn’t adding up. You can’t tell Jay any of it- you know that he wouldn’t understand what you meant, and that it would only make him question your motives. If it really was just you reconciling with an old classmate, then so be it.

You exchange phone numbers, and over the course of the next few hours, you two have a lengthy conversation about your high school experiences.

“You were a loner? Hard to believe.” You smile, taking a small bite out of the croissants he toasted.

“I was!” Jay stirs the pasta and reaches for more seasoning. “No friends, no love life.”

“Any romantic interests?” You tease, chuckling as he turns around to look at you weirdly.

“Freshman year I had this crush on the girl from AP bio.” He admits, scratching the back of his neck. “Turns out she got a boyfriend the next semester so that was honestly it.” Jay smiles thinking of the memory, and scoops the food into two bowls.

“What about you?” He sets down the food and reaches for a refreshment of your choice, sitting across from you as he reaches for his utensil.

It takes you a moment to reply, and you find yourself telling him about your love life- or lack thereof, and how you focused on school instead of finding someone to be with. As you saw your friends endure countless heartbreaks, in a way, it made you feel like love wasn’t worth it.

“Love is..love is boring.”

He laughs, leaning his head on the palm of his hand and reaching for the parmesan. “I think it’s kind of the opposite.”

You raise an eyebrow, curiosity peaked by his words. “Like, sure, you find happiness in things like hobbies and activities you like. You find happiness in your friends and you find joy in the people you’re surrounded with. But when you love someone romantically, it’s this other fulfilling kind of feeling. It’s like, when you eat…say, some really good pasta.” He pauses to chuckle, twirling some on his fork. “It makes you full, and happy, and it’s not like you have to eat the pasta to feel full, because there are so many other things that make you happy, but love is kind of like a specific dish that’s like no other.”

“Okay, Shakespeare. Didn’t expect a whole monologue coming from you.” He laughs, taking another bite, and you leave it at that.

“Why did you let me stay, anyway?” You query, drying off the dishes when you’re done with the meal.

“I just felt like catching up. Plus, you said you thought you recognized me somewhere, right?” Seeing your nod of confirmation, he continues. “Figured it wouldn’t hurt to reconcile. High school’s been a while.”

You pause, before answering him honestly. “I honestly thought it was more than that. Maybe I’m just imagining things, but I thought it couldn’t just stop at high-school acquaintances.”

And he doesn’t say anything else. Your spoken thoughts linger in the air before all of the dishes are washed, and he bids you an almost rushed farewell.

When you reach your apartment, you run into a few boxes on the way to your bedroom. Jay’s whole message about love resurfaces in your head, and you think about how love can be fulfilling. Maybe less about that pasta analogy, but it wouldn’t hurt to try now that you had more time. You mull it over just a bit more before going to sleep.

Your head is pounding for no reason when you wake up. You didn’t consume alcohol the night before, and the only contact on your phone is Jay’s. You frantically call him in hopes that he would be awake, and if he could come over. You’re barely conscious, clutching onto your head in your kitchen when Jay knocks and you inform him of the already unlocked door. He rushes to get you water, without looking for any medicine. He asks you to look up at him and when he soothes your temples, you find yourself much more sleepier than before. After you finish the glass of water in small sips, you feel the simple touch of him leading to your couch, and after that, you sleep better than you have in the past year. When you wake up, the sun streaming through the windows indicates that it’s past noon, and your head throbs, but from oversleeping. The feeling ebbs away, and through-out the day, you answer emails, call certain people, and ponder why your head hurts so badly. Jay coming over finally registers in your hazy thoughts, and in a rush, you run to get him something from the store nearby and show up to his house with your location history on your phone. When you show up holding your appreciation, he laughs and turns it away before inviting you inside.

“Do you feel better?” He asks, worry glossing over his eyes as he checks on your well-being. You offer him a smile and nod, before it dissolves into small talk. It always goes back to the high school memories you shared together, and how his parents would shield him from any form of danger and move him out as quickly as possible. His response leaves a sinking feeling in your chest, and you can’t help but ask him how he deals with all of it.

“Doesn’t living like this get lonely?”

“It does, but I’m honestly used to it.” He shrugs, as if the matter doesn’t affect him. “It’s not horrible being alone. You kind of get to think more for yourself. Get used to one serving. Things like that. And you don’t have to share. It feels like being selfish, but no one can judge you for it.” His reasoning isn’t flawed, but you’ve lived your life being around people to help you be you. And even if Jay is used to finding himself on his own, you’re going to be damned if you don’t let him at least try to experience what it’s like to have someone be there for you.

“I’ll be your friend. Then you’ll start learning how to cook bigger portions.” Maybe this is the worst idea you’ve ever had! Maybe meeting Jay in the corner coffee shop was a blessing in disguise.

If only you would’ve known which one it was earlier.

—

Acclimating to the city you lived in wasn’t hard. It was mainly Jay helping you cut out supermarket deals and adding random snacks to fuel the devil on your shoulder as you grocery shopped together. And by the time you reached the fruits and vegetables, he snuck in a bottle of wine so you could both enjoy it. You’re grateful that Jay stuck beside you, pointing out how your decisions were horrible and sat through your lectures on how to stop being so stuck-up on the fact that not everyone did things the way you did. Sure, moving in and living with the man could be horrendous at times, but it was filled with more good than bad. It was filled with him asking if you wanted to watch a movie and him cooking signature pasta to last you until the next week.

One thing about him was that he never got his portions right. he’d always make too much, but you never complained. Snacking on leftovers was a pleasure only some could experience, and sometimes, reheated pasta at 3am was blessed by the gods.

“We should open the wine. I’m feeling stressed from a meeting at work.” You suggested, grinning when he agrees. Conversation flows easily between two people who have something in their system. The laughs come easier. The confessions come easiest.

“Sometimes I wish things didn’t change. I had a lot going for me.”

You nod. “If only that bus didn’t crash.”

“If only I got you sooner.” He mumbles, and you suddenly shoot up, mind racing.

“Jay. What do you mean by that?” You hold his gaze as his eyes widen.

“Nothing.” He quickly denies, pouring another drink without consuming any of it and nudges the bottle in your direction. You deny it. If you drink anymore, you’d feel sick to your stomach.

“What the hell? You can’t say that and pretend it didn’t happen! What did you mean by that?” Your head is spinning with the possibilities of his implications, and with those thoughts comes unabashed anger.

He shakes his head, walking to get water for both of you. The sound of you smacking his hand away echoes in the dim apartment. “Answer my question.”

“There’s nothing you need to know.”

There’s everything you need to know. It can’t be the full story and you're almost positive that there’s more than you know. The gears clash violently in your head. The sun sets, and with it the light in your shared abode becomes more scarce. “Tell me everything. That’s the least you can do.”

You wish you never asked. You wish you never paid attention to that one line uttered by the person who you trusted with your life.

“It was me. I’m the reason why all of our lives changed in an instant.”

II. IT HITS YOU LIKE A HURRICANE, ONE THAT LEAVES DISASTER IN ITS WAKE

Jay is someone who, it seems like, you barely know.

It doesn’t make any sense, and yet, you still feel like you’re just pushing away the truth.

The calamity that ensues after he tells you what’s been going on leaves you quiet and seething for a few minutes. Everything about your last year of high school, potentially ripped away from you all because he didn’t want people to know who he was, seemed so positively selfish that you weren’t even sure how you were supposed to feel. The confusion and sheer betrayal that he left with his confession makes you grip and twist at your shirt as if to relieve the tight feeling in your chest- the same one that could’ve been wholly avoided if he would've changed anything. Would you still have your friends? Would the last half of senior year still feel like a show gone wrong if things were any different?

Would it have been better?

There’s no real answer to those problems. The way this wouldn’t have happened is if the bus never tipped over was the only resolution to the problem like this, but a part of you continuously blamed Jay for everything that happened after. If he hadn’t meddled in your lives, you might’ve been with Hera still. You might have had a satisfying graduation.

His place feels suffocating. The white walls and minimalistic painting and the Prada shoes he can somehow afford are all taunting you, and the worst part?

Jay doesn’t say a single thing.

It’s a few seconds later, though, when he emerges, frantically running down the stairs and yelling your name. “Just let me take you home. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“So what, Jay? So You can change the fucking fate of all of this and send me down another path and pull me away from everything I’ve built for myself?”

“Yes!” He angrily exclaims. “No- but yeah! You have never seen any of this from my point of view. You were so god damn persistent in figuring me out and you did it! You uncovered the one thing I promised not to tell anyone! If you weren’t so adamant on being my friend and you stayed out of my business this wouldn’t have happened!”

You soak up his words much more than you wish you did. “So you’re saying we should have never met?”

“Yes! God damn it, ______, my life would’ve been so much easier without you in it.” Jay’s voice drips with a venomous sting that you’ve never heard from him. One that holds all of his pent up emotions, and one that he inflicts onto you. “Get in the car. We both know right now you’re in no position to drive.”

He takes you home. Quietly, without any of the small talk he would initiate if you two were going to the store. And he’s right. Your current state was in shambles, with tears rolling down your cheeks and ragged breaths consuming your lungs. You can’t stand him, you can’t stand how the car even smells like the musky cologne he uses. You can’t stand how he still gets out to open the door for you and how he glances at you before driving away again.

You can’t stand Park Jay.

Later that night, he texts you and tells you when you two should talk. You scoff at the illuminated screen, shutting it off before almost throwing it in the corner of your room. Instead, you place it on your nightstand, and continue to think.

‘My life would’ve been so much easier without you in it’ echoes in your head like some sort of broken radio. The same line over and over. Maybe you shouldn’t have meddled with someone like him. Maybe you would’ve been better off telling yourself you were crazy, or moving only 10 miles away. If you wouldn’t have tried so hard to stay in touch, to befriend him, you wouldn’t be left with all of this knowledge.

The only reasonable thing to do is run away.

Or maybe, Jay’s already doing that. Maybe he wants you to run away so he can stay with everything he has and you can start over from scratch. He’s right. It must be nice to be selfish.

Your apartment stands to be a stranger to you. Despite legally owning the place, you barely recognize any of the furniture that stands in the dark. All you remember is the path to your bed. All you know is that you head’s pounding in the way that it does after you’ve spun in too many circles and hit your head on something right after. You have no destination in mind, but you know that you have to get away before it consumes you. When you plan to call a cab outside, you see your car parked in it’s usual spot. How it got there, you don’t know, but you could care less about it as you get inside.

In the glove compartment, you see a neatly written envelope, one that’s never been there before. Maybe you forgot it. When you open up the paper inside, you see Jay’s neat handwriting across the page, and with the date on top, you know when he did all of this.

_____, I’m terribly sorry for letting you know in such an unorganized way. I never planned for something like that to get out or for you to know.

I call it “Alter.” It’s my ability to rewrite certain events that involve me, and in the case of the bus, I was afraid that in getting to you too late, I would have to change everything to have you recover safely. I can’t control the extent of that kind of stuff. I couldn’t control our meeting. I couldn’t control you wanting to know more. And in wanting to erase it, I hurt you in so many ways, ways I can never imagine you forgiving me for, but I still want to apologize.

____, I’m going to leave. Pack my things, move across the country, change my contact. It’s for everyone’s sake. Moving a city over won’t change things.

You were the last person on that bus, if I didn’t intervene the smoke would’ve made your condition so much worse. I won’t apologize for doing what I had to do. All I can do is apologize for having you find out.

By the time your eyes scan over the last of the page, they’re blurred with angry tears. Hot tears that you can’t prevent from soaking your cheeks and tears full of betrayal. He’s a liar. He’s selfish. He’s horrible for doing what he did. If you didn’t chase after a boy who occupied your thoughts all of the time, if you ignored the hunch, you wouldn’t be in this situation. There’s nothing to do with the letter. You can’t tear it up, you don’t want to.

Your head slowly starts spinning. At first you think it’s a headache from the water loss, but it gets so much worse that you throw the letter somewhere and clutch your head in hopes it stops. The tears come back, but not from your emotions, but rather the pressure inside that just won’t seem to stop. It hurts, everything hurts, you’re gasping for air and tasting the salt before the spots in the corner of your vision grow larger and larger and all you notice is black.

—

“Are you okay, ma’am? Ma’am?” Someone’s knocking on your window frantically by the time you open your eyes and unlock the door. He’s a man with sharp eyes and an expression full of worry, and someone who you learn happens to go by the name of Jay Park. You don’t know him from anywhere, and nothing clicks from the time he drives you to the hospital, but he leaves without another word.

When you come back, the letter is long gone.

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