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#just because i'm doing one doesn't mean i have the headspace for the other at that moment
austerulous · 1 year
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Rules have been updated.  You’ll find the gist of what’s been tweaked in the tags. I’m gaming tonight but I’ve got tomorrow free, so I’ll be around then. ♡
#going forward this blog is now 21+#i don't think I have any followers in the 18-20 bracket but if i do you're immune#i've switched to beta for all new threads and will be putting replies to old threads into new posts#if you repeatedly like my inbox calls but never acknowledge what i send you'll stop getting them#same for asks i've answered and multiple starters that go nowhere#i'm the worst for hoarding but it's shit to not even know if tumblr ate it or if it was just badly received#i sometimes focus on ic content and other times ooc chat or plotting#just because i'm doing one doesn't mean i have the headspace for the other at that moment#( adhd diagnosis pending )#i'll be a whole lot less tolerant of being hounded for replies#i'm patient but checking in is one thing and guilt-tripping is another#there is more emphasis on this being a plot-heavy blog#you can trust me to curate my own space; i expect my mutuals to do the same#going forwards i will think twice about interacting with blogs that clearly value one mutual above all others#by all means go with your muse! love your mains! be exclusive if that floats your boat!#but if you're essentially 1x1 i'm not interested#my characters are not a prop to bolster other dynamics#tl;dr i'm tired and time-short gang#i don't consider any of this vaguing because if we're mutuals this obviously doesn't apply to you ♡#i swear it isn't as negative as it seems#it's 2023 and this is about making sure my vibe attracts my tribe you know?#character bios will follow in due course#i'm determined to finally fill out my carrd in its entirety 😤#anyway i'm smooching you all and hoping you've had a good monday ♡#◈ — ooc; puffin speaks
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birdmenmanga · 1 year
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the beloved mutuals will love to know that after a good sleep I’m normal again
#just thinking thoughts...#I'm soooo silly. it's so silly. we both want to be friends so bad.#it's soooo obvious.#two guys who want to be friends so bad and lurk so hard on each others' social medias#I'm curiously watching his personal discord and he's curiously watching my twitch stream#we never breathe a word about the lurking though. until we casually bring it up in person. and it's like oh you were watching?#on god?#lol.#hold hands and sing kumbaya already. lol.#he mentioned briefly that he felt (what I believe the chinese meant) social anxiety sometimes and like. this behavior tracks lol.#is it a coincidence that the only instagram post of mine he liked was the one captioned with#'what do you mean rotating you inside my mind like a rotisserie chicken doesn't count as a real friendship'#anyways. I'm going to give messaging him my all. it helps a lot that he lives on discord and not just line#lol this other guy lives on line though and I'm messaging him in english because he wanted a challenge. I'm having fun with him#he has a kind heart. his world is just a little small.#so he'll say things like 'no I'm normal!' when confronted with the mere possibility of being gay etc.#but he'll backpedal on it. 'no wait I shouldn't phrase it like that!!'#and such. and he thoughtlessly stereotypes people and things like that. but he's very willing to admit he's done things wrong#I like these two guys. I think I'll bring them to an art gallery or something sometime. I think it strikes a good balance.#I think me and the motorcycle guy are mentally in a similar headspace in terms of values and ideals#me and the other guy have the same energy and vibe#and they also don't have to spend the entire time accommodating for my linguistic limitations because they can also talk to each other#it works out in my head. I hope it's not too awkward.
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5sospenguinqueen · 5 days
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Bedtime Stories | Daniel Ricciardo x Author! Reader
Summary: For the past six years, you've been dreaming of a future with Daniel. Until one silly little interview shatters every illusion.
Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Baby fever. End of a relationship. Daniel bashing.
Female reader with various faceclaims. Takes place in the 2022 season.
Main Masterlist
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User 2 no, it's not an announcement. her best friend is currently pregnant and she was gushing about looking forward to aunty duties
User 3 omg her and daniel would make the cutest babies though
→ User 4 i bet she can't wait until they have their own mini-me
User 5 imagine our rom-com queen going from writing the cutest but filthiest fiction imaginable to writing about why you should eat your carrots
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22•05•22
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User 6 i can't believe this man was talking about being in the height of his career when he's been nothing but a flop since leaving red bull
User 7 the way he's been stringing this poor woman along for 6 years, knowing how badly she wants children, to then decide in a random interview that he's never going to have kids because they would be a 'distraction'
User 8 fans spotted y/n running from the pits once she saw that daniel was safely done with racing
User 9 i fear we may be witnessing the downfall of something we once held sacred
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16•06•22
fallontonight just posted
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liked by YourUserName, kellypiquet and others
fallontonight did you know @ YourUser Name was once chased by a kangaroo? find out how in tonight's episode of The Tonight Show 📚🦘
4,477 comments
YourUserName thanks for having me! ✨
User 11 excuse me, ma’am, reassess what
User 12 daniel has been absent from her last 3 posts
→ User 1 not even in the likes or comments
→ User 2 and he didn't even congratulate her on the recent book launch
→ User 3 ya’ll are reaching. he's busy racing. she's busy doing book promo. they still follow each other
User 4 anyone notice she didn't look as happy as she usually does
→ User 5 yes! and i swear she got teary when talking about her life plans 🥺
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YourUserName just posted
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liked by maxverstappen1, mclaren and others
YourUserName my happy place 🌊🐚🦀 Aug '22
4,990 comments
User 6 does this mean a new book is coming soon
→ User 7 girl, we’ve just had one. let the woman rest
→ YourUserName sorry, my lovelies but i don’t think i'm in the right headspace to being right a romance novel at this time
→ User 6 confirmation??!?!
→ User 7 we’re children of divorce
→ User 8 honestly fuck those two because i couldn’t have cared less about vroom vroom boys until mother started dating one and now i'm crying in class ‘cause they’re over
landonorris get that bread, queen 🍞
→ YourUserName who let you out of daycare
→ User 9 not y/n and lando interacting like she didn’t break his teammates heart
→ User 10 more like his teammate broke y/n’s heart. let's not make daniel out to be the victim here
kellypiquet p said get writing those children’s books so she can brag about aunty y/n to her friends
→ YourUserName my sweet girl. i saw the cutest dress the other day for her so I’ll pop round soon x
→ User 11 i love their friendship
→ User 12 get this woman a child. She’s too sweet to be stuck in cool aunt mode forever
User 13 anyone notice she didn't do her annual birthday post for daniel?
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04•09•22
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User 14 no because the interviewer was so real for that. checo has a few children and he’s currently 2nd best. max is nowhere to be seen on the grid he's that far ahead and he makes sure p is his priority when she’s there so???
→ User 15 and the way he stormed out. i bet PR are sooo happy with him
User 16 nah because mclaren recently announced that they’re not extending his contract so he currently doesn't have his seat and doesn't have his y/n, all because he thought he was better than that
YourUserName posted a new story
danielricciardo posted a new story
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danielricciardo just posted
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liked by landonorris, estebanocon and others
danielricciardo yesterday was something. p17 wasn't the result we were expecting, and the media were a challenge but it's always a delight to be in Suzuka. Moving on to the Americas
5,509 comments
User 1 maybe if y/n was there, you wouldn't have done so badly
User 2 maybe if he had a baby waiting in the paddock he would’ve had more incentive to do better
mclaren we’ll get them next time 💪
User 3 letting mclaren and lando down
→ User 4 the real reason he and y/n broke up is because he has no wins. she should move onto lando or something
→ User 5 he’s way too young for her
→ User 4 they'd make a good looking couple tho
(comments have been disabled for this post)
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19•10•22
YourUserName just posted
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liked by charles_leclerc, bloomsburypublishing and others
YourUserName thirty, flirty and thriving. please enjoy a small snippet of my 30th birthday, organised by my favourite girl. these are the nice moments before she plies me full of cocktails and i become the sloppiest person in monaco tagged: kellypiquet
kellypiquet any chance to celebrate you 🤍🤍
→ kellypiquet and an even better chance to drink the entire bar and force max to carry us home
→ maxverstappen1 i'm just glad i was able to pull you both out of the sea before you drowned
landonorris can't believe you tried (and failed) to stop us from gatecrashing
→ YourUserName it was an exclusive event, we don't let randos in
→ landonorris i know you're joking but it still hurts my feelings
maxverstappen1 happy birthday, sloppy. you don't look a day over 40
→ YourUserName i'm gonna let that slide but only because i love the bag that kelly told you to buy
User 7 happy birthday to the best author
User 8 happy birthday queen
carlossainz55 happy birthday, y/n 💐
liked by YourUserName
danielricciardo happy birthday x
User 5 kelly and y/n look like the funnest people to hang out with
→ User 6 literally need to know how to become part of their duo
lewishamilton happy birthday, y/n. have a lovely night 💕
liked by YourUserName
mclaren happy birthday to papaya's favourite author (we're still waiting for a racing rom-com that is quite clearly about your favourite f1 team and their super sexy admin) 🥳🥳
liked by YourUserName
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This is going to be part of a Baby Fever Angst series with the other drivers. So, multiple drivers are going to have an smau like this.
I do have Part 2s planned if people want them but also happy to leave it like this :)
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marriedtobigfoot · 9 months
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Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.
So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.
Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.
Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.
He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.
He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.
Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.
And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.
By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.
Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.
"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"
Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.
"I don't mind sharing."
Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.
Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.
"Are you really gay?"
Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.
"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."
It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.
"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"
"It's not weird."
"Okay."
Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.
"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."
"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."
"What do you do when it's not enough?"
"Hmmm?"
"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"
Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.
"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."
"Oh."
Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.
"I don't know how to do any of that."
He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.
"Steve...are you lonely?"
Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.
He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.
He panics a little at the sight.
"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."
And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.
Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.
"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.
"I don't know man. I just wish-"
He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.
"What do you wish Steve?"
"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"
It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.
He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.
He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.
Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.
He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.
"Thanks man."
And Eddie takes another leap of faith.
"I could be that person, you know."
"What?"
"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."
Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.
"Just for tonight?"
It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.
"Yeah. For tonight Steve."
"I think...I think I'd like that."
Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.
"Alright sweetheart."
Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.
He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.
He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.
"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"Hmmm?"
"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"
And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.
"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"
"The real one."
"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."
Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.
"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"
Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.
"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."
Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.
"That sounds nice."
It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.
*It's only for tonight.*
He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.
But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.
Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.
Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.
But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.
Just for one night.
And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.
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minispidey · 5 months
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04: Barbie and the Giftshopist.
Steven Grant x f!bimbo!reader. previous part. series masterlist.
04. Breaking into a museum with Barbie!
warnings: breaking and entering??? none really.
note: italics are the boys in headspace talking ❤️
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As usual, it was as if you and Steven were in sync: showering, preparing, and dressing up at the same time before walking towards your doors and opening them in unison.
"Steven!" you smiled brightly at him as you stepped out of your flat and locked it "Okay! I got our whole afternoon to dinner planned out. I made a list~"
"Alright." he laughs "What's first?"
You crumpled the paper and threw it behind you "Shopping." you grabbed his arm and pulled him into the elevator fast.
You drove to the nearest furniture shop and practically dragged Steven inside "Come on! You need a proper table. Just because it's doe-able doesn't mean it's good enough."
"I don't got the money, love."
"Who said you're paying?"
Steven was a moth to a flame. He loved the clear difference between you and him. You were this big ball of energy, a magnet pulling him in. You were a bit of a ditz, but you had an incredible job and lifestyle, and he was just a giftshopist.
Maybe he doesn't deserve you.
"Alright. No more self-sabotaging. Just enjoy your date." Marc said from the headspace, groaning.
"I'm trying." he mumbled. Steven watches you look at different dining tables, knocking and asking for other colors and types of wood.
"Gosh… I've always wanted one like that," he whispered to himself "A little too expensive, though. I could never ask you to–"
"Stevie, come on!" you giggled.
You went further into the back where there wasn't any staff and settled on an oak table "I think this is it!" you lifted yourself and sat on it, letting your slip-on heels fall with two clicks.
"Alright. It's-" Steven's eyes widened at the price "...pricey."
"It's my treat, Stevie. Consider it uh... a gift! To commemorate our date and many more to come, I hope?"
He blushes, nodding "Yeah! Of course." he sets his hand on the table, beside your thigh "Maybe, you know... dinner one of these nights? I'll cook you something."
"Smooth. Don't forget to breathe." Jake chuckled.
You started giggling "I can't say no to that. Totally! I didn't know you can cook."
"You can't." Marc sighs.
"Yeah, I can." Steven took his hand off the table and knelt in front of you taking your heels "What else do you have planned in that list of yours? Anything you wanna do's fine with me."
"Well, Vogue released an article for the top most romantic dates and one of them is at a museum! Which I would personally enjoy, but you already work there." you shrugged "How about we shop until my ankles bruise and top it off with dinner?"
"Woah there, love. Wouldn't want to ruin your shoes now, would you?" he joked as he slipped your heels on your feet.
"Gosh, you're so right! I should buy a new pair to replace these ones!"
It looked brand new to Steven which puzzled him for a second.
"Let's go pay— well, I'll pay— and I'll have it delivered tomorrow." you grab his hand and hop off the table, walking back to the front of the store and placing your credit card down "Put it in my card. We'll take the one in the back."
He watched you with a faint, incredulous smile as the cashier took the card and rang it up. You were a madwoman, a sweet, generous madwoman, and he was in love.
It wasn’t even that the table was expensive, though it was— it was that you’d do this for him that meant so much.
In fact… this wasn’t just his favorite date. It was one of his favorite moments he could remember.
What an enchanting woman you were.
The two of you stopped by a bookstore, dragging him inside. The comforting smell of the books relaxed you and you began to read the titles of the ones lined up on the shelves. One looked old and intrigued you. You took it out and smelled the pages, making Steven smile.
He wandered off on his own, spotting a couple of classic novels before stopping in front of the Egyptology area. Steven checks out a few books, skimming through the pages before the old shopkeep coughs and points at a no reading sign.
"Sorry." Steven closes the book before setting it down. You found him and took his hand, heading deeper into the shop "I wanna look for something."
"Something?"
"Classic. Also one of the reasons why I love romance."
"What's this mysterious book?" he chuckled.
"Pride and Prejudice." you smiled "A prideful shy arrogant man with bad social skills and a prejudiced independent young woman fall in love. The best enemies to lovers book to exist. But then again I didn't read it yet, I watched the movie and the series..."
"Really? Maybe I'll watch it some other day."
"Totally! So, Egyptian history books again?"
"Research. I donated off some of my books from the pile we made last week so I can get new ones. I promise I won't get more than five." he laughs, holding up three books he picked.
"Aw, good for you!"
You placed his purchased books into the back of your car and drove off with him "There were a couple'a Pride and Prejudice books back there. Why'd you didn't get one?"
"Well," you let out a sigh "I wanted to get like, the original one. As in, original release."
"Original release? When was it released?"
"Eighteen–thirteen I think."
Steven stops to think "Love, that book was published over two–hundred years ago."
"And?"
"I don't think you'd be-" he stops himself "Maybe you'll get lucky next time."
"I hope so!" you turn your head towards him "I've been wanting it for so long! Ever since I watched Kiera Knightley, I was never the same! That was love and I refuse to read Pride and Prejudice unless it's the original one."
Steven was worried when you took your eyes off the road and held on to the wheel "Careful!"
"Oops! Sorry~" you giggled as you turned your head back "We should go on a walk to the restaurant! Maybe just a few minutes away."
"We could." he nodded "I'm just worried about your shoes. Are you sure you want to walk on cobblestones in heels, love?"
"I'll be fine! It would be so romantic and-"
"-totes not amazing!" you whimpered while you sat down outside the restaurant and Steven was kneeling down to try and fix your heels.
You two finished eating your dinners and you were still mopey about your pretty pink heels "These were the cutest kitten heels I had and I forgot these were Tommy! It's so hard to find these."
"Sorry, love. I should've stopped you harder." Steven looked up at you.
"No, Stevie. It's fine. I'm the one who insisted on having a romantic walk." you sighed "Can you get the car?"
After a few minutes, he (Jake) managed to drive the car to the restaurant where you waited and he switched to Steven before getting out of the driver's seat. You got up before tripping down because of your broken heel.
"Love, are you alright?" Steven helps you up and slip off your heels.
"I'm okay..." you took your broken heels and opened the trunk of your car, tossing it in before taking out your emergency pink fluffy slippers.
You both entered the car and drove away. It was a quiet drive as you stared straight ahead with a frown, no sign of your usually happy and cheery self present.
Steven thought he ruined it. He should've helped you with the date but instead, he just laid back and let you do whatever. He felt bad. He shouldn't, but he did. Even Marc is trying to tell him the heel wasn't his fault.
"I'm sorry, Stevie... I just wanted to have a really romantic and nice night and my heels ruined it..." you broke the silence a minute later.
"It's alright, love. You don't need to apologize. I enjoyed it anyways. All I really wanted was to be by your side..."
Your eyes lit up and the car slows down in the empty road "Really?"
"We don't even need to go out with a grand plan. Honestly, dates aren't my thing and I'm not good at it. But the times we just hang around in my flat are romantic to me." he smiled at you "Home-cooked dinner, a movie, and you."
You smiled back at him and you realized that he was the perfect man for you. You didn't want to let him go.
"What was that article again— oh, top best dates, right? A museum. Do you still want to go?"
You checked the time "Are you sure it's still open? It's already 10:43..."
"It will be." Steven held up a keychain. You kept staring at the key and he knew you didn't get it "We're gonna break in— well, not break in. I have the key, so. Not breaking in. Besides, I work there."
"Oh my gosh, Stevie!" you cover your mouth, smiling "Isn't this like, totes illegal?"
"Not if we don't get caught."
"Who are you and what did you do to Steven?" Jake laughed from the headspace. Steven ignored his comment and looked at you in the eyes.
"You know what? We've been doing what I want this whole time. Let's do it!" you drove off quickly, excited because of the idea. Steven was happy to see you smile again, and he was sure about his idea.
You parked away from the museum itself and both of you snuck to the door, Steven opening the locks with his keys. He opened it a bit and let you in. He shuts the door immediately and the museum is dark, but it amazes you.
You could still see the artifacts with the moonlight peeking in through the windows. You walked around and smiled as Steven talked about some of the artifacts in the Egypt gallery "And you work at the gift shop? Gosh. You could be a tour guide or something..."
"You really think so?"
"I know so. Totes!" your voice echoed throughout the room "I mean, you should totally apply for it or something. Those books are paying off real well."
Before he knew it, hours passed and you sat in front of a statue, making you curious "Who's this?"
"That's a Caryatid. She was a pillar used to support a roof." Steven looks at it and sits next to you "Caryatid is Greek for maidens of Caryae. She's one of six maidens, the Caryatids of Erechtheion."
"Six?" you turn to him "Where's the other five?"
"Athens from what I remember."
"While she's the only one here in London?" you stared sadly at the statue again "That's so sad... she has sisters and she hasn't been with them for god knows how long... it's so sad..."
Steven looked at you and nodded "It is..." his heart was crushed after understanding what you meant. But it did make his heart skip a beat when you cared for a statue.
"You know, if I had to steal one and give it back, would want to give her back..." you whispered, touching the base with your hand.
After that night, you didn't see Steven for two weeks. You were worried but didn't want to overstep your boundaries.
Was your date really that bad?
You missed having to step outside and see his face every day. It made you a little depressed too. It was yet another morning without Steven's greetings and you picked up the newspaper from outside your door before walking to your bed and opening it up to read the latest news.
As you were about to take a sip of your morning drink, you dropped it by accident upon seeing the article.
The Homecoming Triumph: Athens Welcomes the 6th Caryatid Statue.
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UP NEXT: what happened to steven in the last two weeks?!
tags: @red-hydra @monsterroonio @pastelpinkpilatesprincess @letmehavemyfictionalmen @uncle-eggy @superduckmilkshake @3zae-zae3
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halfdeadfrognerd · 8 months
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HOT TAKE on the episode 6 conflict
I see posts about how Blitz and Fizz making up was too rushed and how Fizz shouldn't have forgiven Blitz because he "made him lose his limbs and burn alive" etc. and. Like, don't get me wrong, valid points, but.
1. It's been 15 years
2. It's been confirmed to have been an accident
3. It was obvious Blitz still feels guilty and super bad about it (those lines from Brandon Rogers were just *chefs kiss*)
Like, I think the main reason why Fizz was upset with Blitz in the first place was because he thought what was done to him was on purpose and maliciously. But after seeing Blitz in distress and actually apologising for it, that was cleared up. Maybe if Fizz's life wasn't good he would hold more resentment but like he said, he's doing pretty well overall and makes the most out of his situation. And he isn't alone, that's very important!! He managed to move past his trauma enough to be able to have a healthy relationship with Ozzie who "understands him". The same cannot be said about Blitz who is pretty much alone in his suffering.
I'm not saying that if someone fucked you over you need to forgive them if the person is super pitiful, but if that's the one thing that keeps you both from moving past the trauma and deciding to close that chapter? Maybe it's for the best. It's been 15 years, yo. And the conflict was based largely on a misunderstanding. Yeah maybe it was underwhelming that the feud that's been presented from the beginning of the series could have been solved by one single conversation, but that's kind of life.
Personally I have a shit ton of conflicts that could be solved if me and the other person just sat down and heard eachother out, but it's just not happening. It's realistic. Just because you technically CAN solve the problem by talking doesnt mean you will actually talk. Both people need to be in the right headspace.
So I think based on all the facts we got it's not surprising Blitz and Fizz made up. This doesn't mean they will be besties or anything, but it's a start. They can let go of the resentment and steess and guilt over the broken relationship and start moving forwards. It was incredibly mature of Fizz, and hopefully it's gonna help Blitz get more in touch with his feelings and maybe get a bit of courage in trying to keep others in his life (*cough cough* Stolas *cough cough*)
I'm prepared to get mixed feedback on this and if you disagree thats fine! Let's have a convo if you're up for it, I don't have that many people in my life who I can discuss HB with :D
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ronearoundblindly · 28 days
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E for Steve? More specifically hideout Steve???? 🥺🥺
For this ask game and for this touch-starved!Steve series.
MINORS DNI. Hooooooo, Nessie, this got me all bothered.
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E - Extra Info
Mini-rant time:
I've come across a couple of comments describing Nomad in this story as "subby," which I have to say, I consider wildly untrue.
He's hyper-sensitive, that's for sure, and he's inexperienced, yes. Being starved for touch doesn't automatically make you submissive, though. In my opinion, that only makes Steve more responsive during intimacy and sex.
We know--or we should know--that real doms are getting pleasure and satisfaction from the pleasure of their partner while exercising the most control over the 'scene' between the two (or more) partners.
That and Hideout!Steve are the same picture to me. At least, I'm not saying he's a dom-Dom, like a practicing and negotiated dominant, but he ain't being submissive, folks, as far as I'm concerned. He's learning, he's exploring, and he's coming into his own. That's all.
Mini-rant over! (No one is wrong in their interpretation of him, by the way. I just wanted to explain the headspace I am writing him from.)
He likes skin-to-skin contact. He doesn't care if things get messy. He has no issue with bodily fluids or functions. If you tell him to do something or want to try something, he's game.
He loves to pamper you with soothing back and foot rubs, but he doesn't fetishize any part of that except your pleased (or aroused) facial expressions (and soft noises of contentment).
What else...
The breath play. Oh boy! Probably not as scandalous as you think it might be, but he smothers his sounds in the pillows and tries to be super quiet long enough that Steve is somewhat reliant on limited oxygen before he comes. Of course, he never articulates that, so you found out very slowly and almost by accident.
Since he's so sensitive already, there isn't enough time to distinguish that anything specific might work him up to climax more/faster, but as he gains endurance, he starts to bury his face in your skin (chest, shoulder, or cunt) and remain cut off from air until his end.
Once, when he's holding you up, no support of a wall or anything behind you, and really going at it, your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms behind his neck, you're both so sweaty that you slip.
What happens is your one hand catches the back of his neck and the other just latches onto his throat because he is frantically thrusting up into you with his grip spreading your ass. Normally, he'd have one hand to stabilize your back, but instead, he groans something fierce, and all you can do is hold on.
That, my friends, is when you hear Steve Rogers growl 'fuck' loudly for the first time. You'd've apologized if he didn't kiss you so sloppily and sooooo greedily afterward. Let's just say that was a good hint that he might enjoy just a little choking...
🫠🫡
Hmm, and I suppose I should mention that the gif above was chosen because eventually when Steve can be more open with you, we find out he does have a bit of a thing for wearing the uniform during sex. Not all the time, but that holds a special meaning because for just a moment, his work-life and his private-life aren't partitioned away from each other.
Kinda. He's still a fugitive.
Thank you for asking!
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[Main Masterlist; Dirty Asks Masterlist; Ko-Fi]
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otdiaftg · 9 days
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WHAT'S NEXT:
The out pouring of love for this blog has swept me off my feet. I knew the logic behind the follower count, but this weekend proved to me without a shadow of a doubt just how much this fandom cherishes these characters and this story.
I am overwhelmed with adoration towards every. single. one. of you.
I took the weekend to finally recoup after the whirlwind of this past year but wanted to take a moment now to answer some of the questions I've seen pop up and to inform you all of what my plans are for what's next.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
WILL YOU CONTINUE THE ACCOUNT THIS YEAR?
This took me a long time to ponder and I wanted to make sure I was in the correct headspace to answer it. Short answer: No.
Long answer: All For The Game is near and dear to my heart. And the reason I began this account was because the dates for 2023 matched that of the dates they were meant to be in 2006. To continue it in the year 2024 would mean the dates would be completely wrong and a lot more logistics would have to occur beforehand.
But also-- I'm not the best when it comes to technology, especially when it comes to BOTS so every post that was published was typed out, formatted and scheduled by hand by me. I did not have help. I did not have proofreaders, or editors, or managers. I contacted all the artists myself, sorted through every single page of the artists to find matches to the story, read and re-read the books for exact or guesstimation of dates/times, and made a hell of a lot of typos on the way through all that.
There was probably an easier way that I could have done all this. But I didn't/don't know it. So that all boils down to: It’s a long and tiring process.
Don't get me wrong, it was worth all the hours. And all the sleepless nights I had getting everything done and out. I already thanked my support network, but without my wife and my best friend being there to make me another cup of coffee, walk our dog, do the chores and generally make sure I didn't crumble from the pressure -- none of this would have happened.
So, putting myself through that again, after everything that has happened this year alone-- felt like it would cheapen the experience I had when the dates won't even match.
That being said.... 2034 isn't that far away. >__>
WILL YOU BE DOING AN OTDITSC?
Short answer: No.... sorry.
Long answer: As stated, it is VERY hard to organize what and how I did. HOURS spent researching, organizing, scheduling, etc. Time spent away from my family and other hobbies. NOT time I regret (need to keep prefacing that) but time I want back now. At least for a little bit.
It also doesn't sit right for me to start an OTDITSC when I know some people are still waiting for their copies. There are so many of us out here (as I've come to find out) and I don't want to exclude people's enjoyment and connection that this account gives. I also feel like the more posts about TSC out there, the harder it is for those who are (lets say) waiting for the physical copies to block/mute spoilers. We can say a tag is enough, but this is the internet. And that's not always true.
And lastly, personally, TSC is still SO VERY NEW. It's not even complete yet and we don't 100% know when the next one will be published. I don't want to start something, get to the end of the timeline, and than have a huge gap between posts that will potentially be moments in the second book. It doesn't feel fair to their story, to myself, or to the followers of this account to have incorrect information for something I love so dearly. If I'm doing it. I want to do it right.
SO, WHAT'S NEXT?
Well. A lot. For me personally, as well as this account. I don't want to leave everyone in such a finite way. I love this fandom. I love its art and writings and the abundance of talent and joy that it exudes.
So first, for myself, as well as those artists who agreed to help with this account, I want to post, for the next 40 days Artist Highlights (that means this account will still be active until Friday, May 24th).
Every day, I will post about an Artist and the work that I wanted to post but couldn't fit in. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, these artists are the reason this account thrives. Art, in a multitude of forms, speaks in a way words can not. And these artists prove that.
I'm excited to show them off for a couple more weeks at least. They are all wonderful people.
AND, FINALLY:
To also tie us over, I am opening both my personal account as well as this account to questions.
Questions regarding the process, the story, the best movie out in theaters, whatever. I will be answering your questions (as fast as I can) until that last Artists Highlight day (Friday, May 24th). After this day, I will leave the questions answered up for a week, and then remove/delete them from this account. I want to make this more of an archive of sorts and will be updating the Timeline Page as this progresses as well, so you can move freely within the timeline.
Keep in mind that I am only one person, have a family and a full-time job-- so answers may be sporadic, but I will answer them.
This has truly been such a pleasure. And whether I get questions or not, I see you and I appreciate you. I hope your life is filled with everything you ever want, everything you need, and that you never let it go.
🦊 🧡- Kelysium
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nalyra-dreaming · 8 days
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Holy shit?!
src
“Louis is still fighting to get to something, to unlock the memories that have curiously evaded him. "The pursuit of memory and truth is the driving force this season. It motivates Louis to get to where we're going to get to by the end of it," said Zaman. "Season 1 proved that his memory's completely shot in lots of ways, but who, or what, did that — that's the question I think we're going to have to answer."…
“It all begins with Louis, a textbook unreliable narrator, though Jones and Anderson both bristle a bit at the term. "One self delusion knits itself to the rest of your life," Jones said. He argued that Louis' memory might be "80-90 percent" correct, though it only takes one mistaken detail to muddle a timeline and cancel someone out entirely. "To unwind that, you call into question all this stuff. It doesn't mean that all this stuff isn't right. It's just this thing has altered it a little bit."
To Anderson, Louis' unreliability matters less than the vivid reality of his feelings. "It's not necessarily that Louis is a quote-unquote unreliable narrator," he said. "He is, because what he's saying is completely subjective. But I think it has just as much to do with how something felt, the feeling of a person or the feeling of an experience, than it is him actively trying to deceive anybody." That comes out most strongly in Dubai, particularly in the second season. "He's really, genuinely trying to find the closest thing to an objective recalling of events that he possibly can."…
“I like writing for Sam Reid, and I think in terms of how this thing is structured and what's going on in this headspace, it wasn't a big leap to go, 'Oh, he's haunting. He's inside Louis,'" Jones said. When we see Lestat at the beginning of the season, he manifests as what Anderson and Reid referred to as "dream Lestat" — not quite himself, not quite a ghost, not quite a memory, but some blend of all three, filtered through Louis' guilt and grief.
"Who is Louis remembering, and how is Louis remembering [Lestat] is always on my mind," said Reid when we first spoke at the Television Critics Association winter press tour in February. "I'm always thinking about it, and I'm always talking about it, much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone." (From across the table we were crowded around, Anderson heckled, "I can vouch for that.") Later, when we met one on one over Zoom, Reid elaborated, "Louis is speaking to himself, so he speaks like Louis. But he's also speaking to Lestat, and he's choosing to speak to Lestat when he's speaking to himself." The first time we see Lestat in Season 2, he materializes before Louis as a gory vision during a moment of mental deterioration, vengeful and overbearingly loving all at once. What was already a blurry line between the ex-lovers has now become indistinguishable.“…
“With dream Lestat assuming a number of dispositions, all dictated by Louis' headspace, separating dream Lestat from the real Lestat was crucial to Reid. "It's clear that Louis is putting the words into his mouth," Reid said. "Who's the guy that he's forced to see looking back at him, saying the words that he thinks he should be saying?" The presence of dream Lestat means that the state of the real Lestat is unclear when the season opens, but becoming this slightly unreal version of his character built on the groundwork Reid had already been laying. Going back to the first season, he often rejected Anderson's impulse to play their scenes together as if they were true. "I know this is not how this happened," he said of Louis' version of events, "which allowed me to kind of lean into the more sow's ear version of Lestat in specific moments, because I knew that we might be revisiting them."…
“For Claudia, Lestat's influence will always linger. "That's his daughter," Hayles said simply. "He doesn't need to be a ghost. He's in her." Louis and Claudia know each other inside and out, and Louis' love for Claudia is all-encompassing, but she sees the writing on the wall the moment he meets Armand: What happened with Lestat will happen again as Louis chooses another man over her.“
(much more behind the link!!)
UPDATE: link to the author’s tweet, Allison Picurro
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gaasuba · 2 months
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Disapproval
please take care of yourself and don't read if you aren't in the headspace to handle a story about abusive parents/cops
AO3 Link
"I'm..." Miles hesitates. He hates how he seems to keep finding himself here, freaking out about a secret he's been keeping from his parents for more than a year and unable to just.... say it already!
"I'm dating... Hobie." He winces, fists clenched in his hoodie pouch, bracing for whatever reactions his parents may have. He had been running countless scenarios in his head, even long before he had decided to tell them, so he's pretty sure he's prepared for whatever.
There's a long, stunned silence from his parents. It gives Miles time to be aware and feel uncomfortable about how they're seated while he's standing, like a performer in the spotlight. The tension he feels growing is finally broken by a single word from his dad.
"No."
His dad's response is.... stupid.
"No? What do you mean 'no?' It's not a question it's what's happening." Even tho he was expecting something like this, it takes a lot to keep his body language polite. It's an effort that is not being reciprocated.
"It's what's about to stop happening." His dad crosses his arms and Miles' heart sinks when his mom frowns and nods along in agreement. No allies. Worst case scenario on that front. That's fine. He can still salvage this.
"Why? What's wrong with Hobie?" he hates that asking this question was necessary and he really wishes Hobie hadn't insisted on being here. Miles thought it would go smoother if he talked to his parents alone, but Hobie was so insistent. They usually backed down so easy the first time that Miles told them 'no' about anything, so how could Miles argue? The compromise was for them to wait in his room, but that means Hobie would be hearing his parents' unwatched words.
His mom rests a placating hand on his dad's shoulder before speaking.
"Miles," saying his name in an attempt at being comforting is infuriating, "we're glad you have other people like you to support you..."
'But...'
"but couldn't you date someone... less... violent?"
'Violent?'
Miles remembers their first kiss, how Hobie had been unable to look at him as they had asked. The words were burned into his mind. "Can I kiss you?" As if they hadn't really been asking 'will you kiss me?' They didn't move after he had said "yes", only looked at him with wide, hopeful eyes, and had waited for Miles to make the first move. It had been the same way for their first time holding hands, their first date, first time sleeping in the same bed, for telling their friends, for being public where the press in each reality could see. They hadn't even looked at his artbooks without permission! Always asked. Always waited. Violent????
"Hobie's not violent." What else was there to say?
"He breaks people's faces with his guitar!" his dad accuses.
"I break people's faces with my fists!" Miles retorts, pulling his hands from his pocket to gesture at one fist with his other hand. But the mention of the guitar makes Hobie's slow cover of Sunflower come to mind and he lets out a heavy sigh, relaxing slightly. He hadn't realize how much his shoulders had risen.
"That's different!" his dad stood, elbows out and fists clenched, causing Miles to take a startled step back. Despite the intimidation, he remains confident when he counters.
"How is it different!?"
"You aren't out there killing cops!" he must have read something different in Miles' confused expression because he adds a condescendingly triumphant, "Yeah!" before crossing his arms again and asking harshly, "You think I don't know what those blue laces mean!?"
"I've told you what their dimension is like! You've seen what injuries Mom's treated them for!" Miles doesn't understand how his dad is struggling with this. He knows how different other realities can be. He knows that cops can be corrupt, even in this reality. He was the one who gave Miles his BLM button!
"And how are we supposed to know any of those stories are true?" His dad's tone had softened, assured that he was close to ending this discussion with a win. But Miles could think of several ways they could know already. They could have gotten footage of the violence against protesters. The propaganda against Hobie. Could have let them visit the community center. But they had never asked!
"If you wanted proof why didn't you ask!?" Miles throws out his arms in exasperation.
"Okay, Okay, Okay," his mom interjects, standing and pointing a placating palm towards each of them, "Let's all calm down." Of course she stepped in before his dad had to respond. God forbid Miles get a win here. He looks away in annoyance, knowing he can't control his expression, no matter what she says next. "We thought you were dating that nice blond girl."
Miles feels like he's losing his entire mind. If he wasn't watchless and glitchless, he would suspect he's in the wrong universe. Since when did they think Gwen was nice? And how did they still not know her name after almost two years!? He doesn't dare look back at them but he manages to stay mostly calm when he replies.
"I've literally never dated Gwen." The thought of dating her had made him uncomfortable ever since that day at Spider Society HQ. He had expected her to have his back, instead she had joined everyone in the chase. She even got close to catching him! The only person who had never been against him, always had his back, was always there for him.... had been Hobie. He thought he had made that clear to his parents every time he talked about it.
"You've never dated and yet we keep finding her sweaters in your room?" his dad escalates again. Miles sighs and isn't able to keep the exasperation from his voice.
"She forgets things at everyone's houses, Dad." But of course that's a wrong answer....
"How many boys' rooms is she sneaking into!?"
"Jeff, please. Focus on Miles," his mom places a comforting hand on her husband's chest before looking back to Miles. "So then, how long have you been together?" Miles sighs again and drops his gaze to the floor, her previous words taking on new meanings. 'Focus on Miles.' 'Focus on what we can be mad at.' 'Focus on blaming him for being afraid to tell us.'
"Since right after... you know. Everything." They hadn't really put a name on it but they understood. And of course it wasn't acceptable.
"That's more than a year!" his dad yells the obvious while his mom gasps.
"Sixteen months," Miles says quietly. It was going to be a bit embarrassing if Hobie had been able to hear that.
"We've let you alone together in your room with the door closed!" his mom says, sounding scandalized.
"So then, why now? What finally got you feeling guilty enough to tell us?" Miles glares at his shoes as if they can change his father's words. Throwing the reason of guilt out is going to make anything Miles says next sound selfish. But he does have a reason, and he isn't going to lie about it.
"My birthday is soon, and I don't want to have to pretend we aren't together like last year." It had been torture. How Hobie had been afraid to touch him too much or for too long. The sad look Hobie would give as a warning when they caught him smiling at them too fondly. They had even brought a single, half-assed combination birthday/xmas gift as a kind of decoy and Miles had to wait days before they could meet up again for them to give him the real things. .... How he wasn't able to kiss them goodbye.
"You think we're letting you invite him after this!?" His mom asks incredulously.
"What?" he snaps his head back up to stare in confusion. He's about to correct her misgendering when his dad adds,
"We're not letting him back in the house! You'll be lucky if we even let you have a birthday party!" he sounds surprised that Miles didn't know all this already.
"Dad! That's crazy! Do you even hear yourself!?"
"Oh and you're grounded!"
"For how long!?"
"A year!"
"A whole year!? What does that even do!? What suddenly changes after a year of isolation!?" Miles is trying to not cry. How is this happening? Why are they acting like this!?
"That's as long as we can protect you from that pervert!" His father snaps.
"Pervert!?!?"
"Yeah! How old is he anyway!? He looks 30!"
"Thir-" Miles feels like he's going to get a headache. "They're only thirteen months older than me!"
"An adult!"
"Gwen is fourteen months older! And you were fine with me dating her just a minute ago!"
"Whatever! Whatever!" Miles suddenly realizes why they hate when he uses that word. Miles uses it to try and give up.... but they use it to force a win. All this time they've been getting mad at him, grounding him, for something he wasn't even saying!
"I can't believe this. We're going to have to put bars on all the windows." His father rubs his head, exasperated, As he paces around the room, Miles struggles to hold back tears. "But those portal things! We'll have to restrict your watch use. And we'll need to take your door off it's hinges!" Jeff raises and drops his arms, like this is the biggest inconvenience he's ever had. He stops pacing to point stiffly at Miles, "Tell that spider society of yours whatever it is you tell them to get a replacement for you."
Miles feels the tears spill and he can't stop himself from turning invisible. Jeff grabs for him.
"Don't you dare," he shouts, managing to get a firm grip on Miles' arm.
"I wasn't doing anything!"
"Jeff!"
"Let go!" Miles pleads, desperate to not use his spider strength.
"No!"
"Please stop!" Miles turns to his mom with pleading eyes she can't see. "Mom!"
"Mi amor, please!"
"Not until you turn back visible!"
"Oi!" Miles' bedroom door bursts open with the word. A printed shockwave from the door's collision with Miles' dresser clashes against the style of 1610.
"Hobie," Miles breathes. He isn't sure if he means to say it as a warning or a plea, but he's so relieved to see them that he turns back visible.
"Oh come on! What the heck are you doing here!?" Jeff snaps as Hobie steps towards him, a pink border flaring behind their mostly yellow form. It's one of their least threatening color sets to people unfamiliar with them, but Miles recognizes it for what it is: Radioactive.
"Miles loves you too much to hurt you." they grip the wrist of Jeff's hand that's still holding onto Miles, "I don't." They squeeze, the action causing them to shift to their printed style and their border's edges to spike.
Jeff yells as he releases his grip to try and free himself.
"Hobie! Stop!" Miles yells.
They do.
"See how easy it is to stop being a git?" they sneer at Jeff, their border disappearing and their colors chilling out into their neutral look. Miles clings to them, hugging them tight, and speaks quickly.
"I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry. You were right. I love you. I'm sorry."
"S'ok, love." They wrap their arms around him firmly, "This ain't on you, you hear?" Their deep voice is comforting, and their hold is so familiar that Miles can almost feel the gentle rocking of Hobie's home where it usually happens. There had been so many missions that ended like this and Miles finds himself desperately craving all the comforts that usually come next.
"I want to leave," Miles barely keeps steady as he says it. He wonders where he even found the strength to speak.
"Whatever you need, love." It was exactly what Miles wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. He's stopped crying and he wipes his cheeks on their shirt with a pitiful laugh.
"Take me home." Just saying the words made him feel so much better. It didn't feel like a request or pleading, it felt like casting a spell, because he knows Hobie will make it happen.
Both their spider sense is suddenly triggered with the sound of radio static.
"Is anyone there?" Rio pleads. "This is the wife of Captain Morales! A spiderman just attacked my husband and is planning to kidnap my son!"
Miles barely has time to process the words he just heard before Hobie is speaking.
"I've already packed for you. Let's go."
"What?" Miles is too lost to keep up and Hobie can see it. They take his hand and retreat back to his room, ignoring Jeff's protests. Miles half notices his partially packed room before a bag is shoved into his arms and a portal opens. His parents are screaming but he can't process anything that they're saying. So he listens to the only word screaming in his mind.
'Leave!'
He lunges through the portal, not even landing gracefully, laying on his back and staring at Hobie's patched ceiling. He manages to comprehend the thuds that follow him as more of his stuff being flung from the portal. Forcing himself to stand, he watches as Hobie lands more gracefully than he had, their arms wrapped securely around a box of records. Their radioactive colors look more pink in the lamplight of their livingroom.
The portal closes.
Hobie sets the box of records down with care and a huff.
"How someones like them turned out someone as wonderful as you I'll never-" their words die at the sight of Miles; stiff, his eyes wide, still clinging to this duffle as if it was the only thing holding him together. The sight is so jarring that they shift to monochrome. They snatch the bag and throw it across the room, replacing the empty space by pulling him into a tight hug.
Miles instantly shatters, clinging at the back of their vest as he sobs into their chest.
"I've got you," they promise, holding him tighter and pressing their lips to the top of his head and speaking softer, "I got you, love."
Miles feels something unexpected on the back of Hobie's vest when he grips them tighter, and gasps when he recognizes it. He pushes them back to look up at them with wide eyes.
"He tased you!?" and he hadn't been there to redirect the charge....
"Shit." Hobie swears as they toss their vest to the side. "Didn't mean for you to notice that. I'm fine. Don't think about that now."
"Well I don't want to think about it later! I should have been there to protect you!" Instead he was running away like a coward. Left Hobie alone. Hobie would have never done that to him!
"Tasers is nothin, love," they say with a chuckle, "I'd been fine even if it had made it through my jacket."
"How do you know that??"
"Your playful shocks are more powerful than those mosquito bites." They pinch his side, teasing. It tickles and Miles can't help but yelp out a laugh. "I keep sayin you need to start thinkin with volts more." They were right. They were always right. Miles presses his face into their chest again and, finally feeling safe, all his strength leaves him. Hobie catches him and guides him to the couch.
"Sorry," Miles mumbles.
"Nothin to be sorry for," Hobie assures, kneeling to pull off Miles' shoes.
"Mi amor, no," Miles complains, "You don't need to do that...."
"But I'm gonna anyhow." They toss his shoes to the side before thwipping over the bag they had thrown from Miles. Catching the bag causes them to turn their neutral colors. They must finally be feeling safe too. "Now stop fussin and let me take care of you," they scold as they rummage in the duffle. They find what they're looking for quickly and toss the pajama pants at Miles' face. Exhausted as he is, he isn't quick enough to catch them and Hobie laughs at his fumble. Miles loves that sound. So the embarrassment was worth it.
"You get changed while I put us on a cuppa," they say, standing, but they hesitate with a worried look, "You alright alone?" Miles nods but Hobie still doesn't move, wanting him to say it.
"I'm fine. Promise. Make it peach tea?" his reassurance makes Hobie smile again.
"Of course, Sunflower." They lean down and place a gentle kiss on Miles' cheek before turning to leave across the deck of the boat. "Whatever you want."
Once they're gone, Miles is left with only the sounds of the boat creaking and the lapping of the water. He takes a moment to close his eyes and enjoy the gentle swaying caused by the waves. Unfortunately, it gives him time to become aware of his own body. He still feels so weak, his stomach hurts, and his head is starting to ache.
He changes clothes and starts to look through what Hobie had packed to distract himself. He starts by shifting the crate of Uncle Aaron's records onto the shelf with Hobie's so they would be secure. Next, he gathers all of the duffels against the end of the couch: the clothes from his clean bin with a few of his figures tucked between, the clothes from his dirty bin, his spider gear, drums, markers, and empty sketch books.
Miles can't help but smile to himself. Of course Hobie would think to grab his supplies before grabbing his older works. He wonders what his parents will do with what he left behind. They wouldn't throw it out.... right?
He bites his lip, trying not to cry again.
"Hope I got the most important stuff," Hobie says, snapping him out of his thoughts. They're carrying a full tea tray. "I would have packed more but...." They stop themself. "Sorry." As if they have anything to be sorry for.
"I didn't expect you to pack anything," Miles says, sitting back on the couch while Hobie sits the tray on the table in front of it. "Thank you. You're amazing."
Hobie smiles and turns pink, the pink they only turn for him, the one covered in scribbled hearts and hand written lyrics. "Back at ya, love," they say as they pour the tea. They prep Miles' cup without asking him what he wants, already knowing, and sit heavily next to him. They take off their shoes and toss them aside before kicking their legs over his lap and passing him his cup. Miles breathes in the steam as he waits for it to cool and it helps with the headache.
"After this we should get some shut eye," Hobie says, eyes closed, enjoying the steam from their own cup. "You want the top or bottom bunk?"
Miles snorts into his tea at being teased for his question from the first time he spent the night here.
"Come on, man!" he laughs, "Aren't you ever gonna let me forget that?"
"Never," they say before taking a sip of their tea, the warmth and comfort turning them back to neutral. Miles tries to take a sip of his own but it's still too hot. "I'll stop teasing you about it when you stop wearin logos and brand names."
"And what can I do to make you come up with a different trade option when I want you to do something?"
They shrug, "Probly nothin."
Miles rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He tries another sip of his tea and is thankful it's cool enough. The warmth in his stomach helps with some of the ache. Hobie picks up a couple of pills from a sauce cup on the tray and holds them out to him.
"Figured you'd need some pain killers," they explain. Miles wants to tell them that they're amazing again, but decides he doesn't want to be that repetitive. He settles for a simple "thank you" and takes the pills, swallowing them with a sip of his tea.
They stay that way, cozy and playful, until Miles starts to feel like it's becoming impossible to keep his eyes open.
"Bed time?" Hobie asks and Miles nods lazily, setting his cup back on the tray. They kick their feet back off Miles' lap, turning neutral, to stand and pick up the tray. They set it in a bin next to the deck door before returning to Miles and lifting him cradle style.
"I can walk," he says, but there's no bite to his words. He wraps his arms around Hobie's neck and nuzzles against it. The cool, smooth metal of their collar feels good against his hot face.
"Mmhmm," is their only reply as they carry him to the lower deck. They set him on the bottom bunk and start changing into their own sleep clothes. Miles takes off his hoodie and socks before checking the bedside drawer for bonnets, tossing one to Hobie once they've changed into their sleep pants.
"Skootch," Hobie says, sitting on the bed next to him. He does, taking his usual place closer to the wall, tucked under the narrower top bunk. He pulls the covers up to his chin and breathes in deeply, comforted by the familiar smell. When he feels Hobie's arm wrap around his waist, he takes their hand to replace the blanket, kissing their fingers and hugging their arm.
"I love you so much," he whispers, briefly worried he'll cry again.
Hobie hugs him tight and tangles their legs. "I love you," they place a firm kiss against the back of his neck, "Whatever happens."
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borderlinereminders · 2 years
Text
I screwed up and now have to apologize/make it right. Now what?
Okay, first of all, take a breath. When we mess up, it can be really hard on us and send us into a guilt spiral. Take a moment and remind yourself that you are human and humans make mistakes. Remind yourself that you are not a bad person. If you are having urges, please check out my post on urge surfing. If you are feeling in crisis, a skill like TIPP may help ground you.
If you are in the middle of a situation with someone, it's still okay to walk away. “I need to take some space to get control of my thoughts. I’m not trying to avoid this or walk away but I want to have a clear head.”
When you're feeling more calm, move on to the next step.
Apologizing
Apologies can be really hard. We're often told not to "ruin an apology" with excuses, but it can be so much more complicated than that. One of the first things I keep in mind about apologies is that explanations and excuses are not the same thing. Here is an example post I wrote of a personal situation where you can see an "explanation" apology instead of an "excuse" one.
It's not okay to say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you but I wouldn't have if you hadn't done -insert reason here-." This is not a real apology, and it puts the blame on the other person for being screamed at or upset they were screamed at. It's valid to talk about your feelings that led to the situation, but they shouldn't be conveyed in your apology like that.
What you could say is "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you." But you could also say "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I was feeling frustrated but it wasn't right to scream at you and insult you." While a lot of people say the first one is "right", I do think the second one is also okay because sometimes an explanation can make it easier to apologize, or sometimes open the door for a bigger conversation (if the other person is in a headspace for it) or can be crucial to not disregarding your own feelings (which are valid, even if the way you responded to them wasn't.)
A lot of this depends on the relationship itself as well. The latter one works for my partner and me, as seen in the example post I shared above. It doesn't mean it will work with everyone, in fact, it could make some people feel dismissed or invalidated. It's good to communicate when you're both calm about what some of the best ways to navigate situations like apologies are.
Some other things to remember about apologies are while a lot of people say that it's okay to express how badly you feel, there is a fine line. Sometimes, even though we do genuinely feel torn up about something we've said/done, it's not good to convey that in a way that can lead to the other person needing to comfort us or feeling they need to put their feelings aside for our well-being. Saying things like "I'm sorry I screamed at you and insulted you. I feel really bad that I did that because you didn't deserve it" are okay. But saying something like "I'm sorry I screamed at you. I feel so bad. I'm so sorry. I don't know how to handle this because I feel so guilty. I'm a terrible person and don't deserve your forgiveness" isn't really okay.
The feelings can be really overwhelming, and I get that and see how those guilt spiral apologies can happen but they end up pushing the other person to accept your apology even if they're not ready just to make sure you're okay.
After the apology
Okay, you've apologized. Now what? Well, it largely depends on what the other person is feeling. If they want some space to think, calm down or just breathe, then you should give them that. (Please note that there is a difference between someone needing space to process vs someone wanting space to avoid accountability for their part in things.)
Phrases like “It’s not fair of me to say what I said/do what I did and expect things to just be fine. I’m here when you want to discuss this further.” might be helpful
The other person is not obligated to accept your apology or offer forgiveness, but please note that this doesn't mean you should continue to beat yourself up.
When the other person is ready to talk to you, it's your turn to listen and hear them out (as long as they are talking to you in a calm manner. Regardless of what you did, they still shouldn't be attacking you.). Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, hear them out. Let them talk about their feelings. Sticking with our example, maybe they felt afraid when you screamed at them. Allow them the space to talk about that.
When they're done talking, now is the time where it might be time to communicate about things as a whole on how you can both do better in the future.
Maybe you screamed at them because they ate your food out of the fridge without asking, again. While your feelings are valid, you can still apologize for the hurtful things you said (like the insults in our example) but still communicate about the larger issue. In a case like this, using the DEAR MAN method might be helpful.
If this is a situation where you recognize you are completely at fault like say for example, you took out a bad mood/day on them, then this might be the point where you talk about working on things to do better. This might include talking about some coping skills you plan to use in the future, or even talking to them about ways they could support you if they're able to.
While you can't promise to never do it again, making an effort and plan to change and do better is important.
At the end of the day, remember it’s okay to make mistakes. You aren’t a bad person for them. Please don’t continue to beat yourself up.
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latelyanobsession · 1 year
Note
A with Billy💕
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A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
I think Billy's extremely capable of being affectionate when all the other things that cause obstacles are soundly taken care of and he feels secure and has a sound base to be on with his SO/partner.
In terms of how he shows it? I think you'd see a lot of range to Billy. You'd be likely to see times when Billy can be very considerate and thoughtful. Maybe bringing you small gifts, or doing something like getting that book at the library for you that you've been waiting to come available for nearly two months. Knowing your preferences and keeping a pack of your gum and/or cigs in his glove box.
He's definitely a guy who probably focuses more on the little things. Letting small actions add up over time rather than grand gestures. Will always take your hand when he gets the chance. Touches your cheek at least once when you're talking, and he can't stop himself from staring into those eyes of yours. Brushes your arm as he passes you in the hallway when he's off to a different class. He's by no means clingy but always likes to remind you that he's there. Is a big fan of wrapping himself around you or you to him, and nuzzling your neck when you two are alone.
I think it's definite that the more established you are with Billy the more likely you would be to see a playful side with him too. He's a pretty competitive person to begin with. Someone that likes to push buttons and test boundaries. But this is different. With this he's inviting you to play games with him. Playful smiles, knowing grins, and sudden sharp slaps to your ass. You've probably chased each other down the empty school hallways after school a few times. Depending on who's doing the chasing determines the stakes. But someone could end up pinned to a locker or wrapped in the other's arms, being growled and nipped at.
He picks up quickly on things, he's no idiot. So if you've had a bad day, and you play it off with "I'm fine" or "I'm just tired" he's not gonna believe you for a second. He won't be up in your grill about it but he'll be comfortably nearby. And if you do crash and burn before school's even out? He'll help smuggle you out. Get you both to your favorite place so you can chill and calm down. He'll sit next to you until you're ready, and drag you into his lap. Petting your hair with his chin on your shoulder. Not saying anything. Just sitting there.
A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
After sex, I truly think Billy shifts. He goes through an entire ritual really... psyching himself out, hyping himself up to first flirt and obtain a partner, then the act of sex, all to then reach this endpoint. It's like warming up for a 400m dash only to crash right at the finish line.
In terms of aftercare and how Billy acts toward his partners. I believe especially towards all his non-established, one-nighter type partners that there has never been a concept of aftercare. Billy most likely allows partners to stay long enough to catch their breath, clean up, and maybe have a cigarette. But that's it.
This is what I mean by Billy shifting. He's slipping into his post-phase. So now he's shutting down. He's numbing up. He's acting like he doesn't care, even though he might. At the very least he might care that his partner for the night leaves/gets home safe. But he's in such a headspace he may not even be able to say that. He just feels empty. It's only during the sex that he feels wired. That he feels high. And now he's crashing. He's hitting that low. He can't really ever figure out why this happens but he continues this cycle. Because he knows pretty much everything else in his life fades to the background when he can reach that peak, if only for just a time.
Aftercare both on the part of Billy's partner and on his own behalf is something that he has had to learn very slowly and over time. Billy most likely saw no value in aftercare until experiencing it himself. And the more accustomed to it the more Billy begins to realize his need for it and its value with partners.
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lefluoritesys · 7 months
Text
A role made by our partner system (@the-soup-system) that I would like to discuss:
Biographer
A biographer is an alter who records the lives of alters in the inner world (or outer world, but for us, it's inner world). Those are alters who can enter a headspace that allows them to access memories of other alters and either write them down on paper, or record via audio, or something else that this alter uses to capture those memories in the outer world. It doesn't always mean that the alter is a gatekeeper or that they have access to memories of others 24/7. It usually refers to a dissociative state that this alter enters to record the memories they are getting.
My experience with it because while I'm the host, I'm also our biographer (I have like 14 roles, so don't be surprised):
My presence allows other alters to access their memories better, whether they are inner or outer, although mostly inner.
My dissociative state, or the "writer's headspace," is heavy, and getting in and out of it can cause me splits or headaches. However, if everything goes smooth, it just causes tiredness.
I can access memories of other alters on a daily basis. Sometimes, just small details like their roles, families, preferences, etc.
I have many stories from our early teens and even from when we were 6 bodily that turned put to be biographies of people.
My biography allows me to access the memories only if there's consent. There are some I either refuse to get into or the person can set a boundary that they do not want me to know, and I won't.
My biographies allow us to dive deeper into the inner world and find people we forgot existed. There were multiples times when I reread some of my biographies and realized I named people after already existing alters and had no memory that I did so beforehand.
My presence also gives me the power of compulsion. I can either help people tell the truth about themselves, or I can make them answer my questions about them or anything they know.
Our memory gatekeeper can still limit me if they feel the need to do so, which means I am not a memory gatekeeper. I am an outer world manager, but that doesn't interfere with my biographer job.
I wrote a book with 69,220 words and 17 chapters depicting a part of my own inner world story. It also talks about dissociative amnesia, suppressed memories, and other stuff that I didn't realize was a projection of unawareness of DID.
I can tell when alters are lying or telling the truth. Others told me they can't do it as well as me.
I recorded multiple biographies via audio when I couldn't put them on paper.
A while ago, I started a book and accidentally summoned a person to front because I didn't realize I was writing about somebody who is present in our system.
I accidentally gave one of our fictives a very interesting issue because I was projecting dissociative amnesia and my unawareness of DID on paper, and now they gained it and have to live with it. Also with the memories from that fanfiction.
Some things I wrote were more of a "what I wanted it to be" rather than what actually happened.
It helps me connect with alters, especially new alters, because I find out what they've been through, what they hold, what they're like, and therefore I know how to approach and accommodate them. Which I also then show to others (how to work with them, not the memories) and establish communication between them and the rest of the system.
(This is not all but all that I can remember right now)
Our partner system can talk about their experience with biographies, and I will not speak for them. However, they were the ones who introduced me to the term in the first place.
-host
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lutawolf · 15 days
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Hey Luta!
I noticed that you reblogged tgcf post and I was curious! How many danmeis have you read?
Would you consider maybe doing BDSM analysis for any couples you feel that have D/s dynamic? I feel like mdzs ticks boxes.
Tgcf XL and HC are pretty kinky in bed based on author's notes but since tgcf is explicit-smut-free-on-pages I don't think it could be used as an example.
I do miss your D/s analysis a lot and I love danmei so I was wondering whether you would consider doing it. 🌸
Hey Nonnie!
I've read several. I'm currently reading Thousand Autumns. After dropping SVSSS. I wanted to love it because I love all the other work by the author, I mean adore beyond measure type love. SVSSS wasn't one of them though, maybe I'm just not in that headspace, so I'm going to come back and try it again at a later date.
What I really about tgcf and mdzs is that there is actually an element of D/s that is my favorite type. A Dom with another Dom. This is called a sexual submissive though there doesn't have to be sex involved. It just means that the person is Dominate and only submissive, either strictly in bed or strictly in that relationship.
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are both Doms. Even though we see Wei Wuxian concede to his brother occasionally, he is not submissive to him. However, Wei Wuxian almost immediately recognizes Lan Wangji as the Alpha and even though he terrorizes him like only a SAM Brat could, he knows where the line is, and he isn't ever really trying to Dominate Lan Wangji.
What is fun for me with tgcf is that the D/s element isn't conventional. It's not the pretty and soft-spoken one that is the submissive. I also enjoy that Xie Lian is clueless. Xie Lian doesn't know and therefore can't recognize himself as a Dom. Even though we constantly see Hua Cheng handing himself over to Xie Lian. Not to mention that most characters just naturally follow Xie Lian's lead.
Back to Hua Cheng, though. I can just imagine how many of you are in disbelief, but think about it. Even when Hua Cheng thoroughly disagreed with Xie Lian, he simply followed or went ahead so that he could be of service. He was doing acts of service. Moreover, he sees his life as not his but his Master's, to do with as he so pleases. This is wholly different, from I would die for my loved one, it's the act of utter devotion.
I haven't read the author's notes, but I could see this being a different dynamic in the bedroom.
I'm more than happy to do a BDSM analysis on a book or show, I've just been in that weird ADHD can't decide on things mode. What were you wanting a breakdown on? 💜💜💜
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happilychaengs · 1 year
Text
how twice would break your heart
a/n: i'm kind of going through it rn and this was just sitting in my drafts. this might be my last post for a while. i know it's quite short and there should be more but i don't think i'm in the right headspace to finish this nor do i have the heart to so i'll just publish it instead. and if some seem similar to one other, i'm sorry. i'll add pictures maybe later
angst
headcanon
nayeon
- "we should break up."
- cuts it off clean
- whatever she's feeling: trapped, unhappy, unsatisfied, scared, whatever it is -- she will not hesitate to tell you
- but it's the way the words fly out of her mouth that it's almost as if she didn't care about you
- your relationship at that very moment felt like it was a facade.
- but it's only because it's the way she wants to portray herself that way in front of you
- if only she'd let you really knew how much it hurt her to break things off with you
- it's the way the world would shift without you in it
- it's the way the stars wouldn't mean the same without you by her side
- if you knew how she truly felt, you'd fight harder for her to stay and she knows she would too
jeongyeon
- "i'm sorry."
- it's honest. it's cold. and it hurts.
- there's no other way she can really tell you. it's who she was. she couldn't ease the pain with sugar coated words or actions. she wouldn't.
- but it's the way tears stream down her face that shatters your heart, even more so than her words do.
- you don't know why she does it. you don't know why she's breaking your heart. she doesn't tell you.
- all that's left is in it's wake is nothing but a stream of repeated apologies from her, begging, regret, and doors slammed in front of each other's faces.
momo
- "i don't... know how to tell you this."
- it's always been difficult for momo to express her feelings but this time, it's really never been harder.
- she almost choked on her own words as she sees your face and your eyes, full of uncertainty.
- the moment the words escape from her lips, she already knew how much it would hurt.
- there you stood in front of her: fists clenched, cheeks flushed in red, your eyes pooling with tears
- her hand instinctively goes to wipe them away, but she catches herself. she can't anymore. she shouldn't.
- you see the way conflict internalizes in herself, your heart already knowing it's not hers anymore.
- she refuses to have your heart anymore and that's what hurts the both of you the most.
sana
- "it's not you, it's me."
- sana's words are cold and calculated. almost planned in a way.
- there's no rhyme or reason as to why she did it. it makes you doubt whether what you two has was real but she remains stone-faced, quietly asking you to leave.
- it's the way she tells you it. the cold heartedness.
- there's words that are said that can never be taken back. doors that shut tight.
- but it's the cries that she can hear outside her house now, that does it in for her.
- emotions begin to clog up her throat as she truly breaks down, nothing but regret filling her body.
jihyo
- "i think... we were the right people but not at the right time."
- hopeful yet laced with dread
- jihyo was a passion driven women and it was the height of her career.
- you should've expected it, really. the way she sat you down, hands kept to herself.
- it's the absence of her touch that really that does it for you. normally it's quite the opposite, the two of you never really getting enough of each other.
- you want what's best for her. really, you do. but that doesn't mean you could just let her go.
- jihyo questions her decision nonstop in the face of your tears, but the words were already said. the tears have already been shed.
- when she's finally and truly alone, the apartment you two once shared is void of noise.
- and she's just not sure anymore if this would be worth it without you.
mina
- "you deserve better."
- it's quiet and tired
- the thought of talking with you has obviously been relenting at mina for a long time.
- you're so surprised she actually believes you two should break up because you know that she's the one for you.
- but she doesn't.
- even through all your tears, you can see how it haunts her.
- being with you because she's always believing that there may be someone new, someone better for you.
- and that's what hurts you the most as she walks out the door, leaving you alone for the last time.
dahyun
- "we need to talk."
- it's pulled back, all the emotions barely there
- she has never felt happier but she knows she's never been the best for you
- she can barely express how she loves you let alone say it
- and she knows you'll find someone who can
- it'll just take time
- time better off spent without her
- even if she knows it might be the wrong way to do it, proven by your tears as she walked out on you, it's the only way she knows how to do it
- and that's why she can't let you stay in her heart any longer
chaeyoung
- "we both deserve to be happy."
- it's plain and simple. but it's what she truly believes.
- she's the happiest when she's with you. she's at her best.
- but she knows you aren't. it's dismal without her for such long periods of time and she knows it's hard on you.
- she loves you too much to be the one holding you down and she refuses to have it any other way.
- with a heavy heart, she walks out on you with tears in her eyes even through all your cries. even through all your pleads for her to stay.
- she's so so sorry but she truly believes you'll find someone better.
- she's just not sure if she could do the same.
tzuyu
"i think we're better off alone."
- struggles to truly get it across.
- it's so overwhelmingly difficult for her to tell you because she loves you.
- so much more than you'll ever know.
- she doesn't want to leave you but she feels like she needs to.
- it's the fear of uncertainty that gets to her.
- it's the constant worry of you wanting to leave her that she makes the stupid decision of doing it first.
- it's the way tears dribble down your face as you watch her leave that makes everything come crashing down
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Text
Don't Blame Me
Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x reader
Summary: Maverick doesn't think Rooster is ready to fly and neither do you.
A/N Don't read on if you don't want spoilers for the new Top Gun! :)
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"Thought I might find you here." Slowly, you make your way towards him. Today had been a rough day.
"Phoenix and Bob are going to be fine. The hospital just called," you say, letting a hand rest on his shoulder. He tenses up, but you ignore it. Everyone is feeling on edge today.
"That's good." He's just to even spare you a glance, but you power through. You'd made a promise to each other a long time ago that you'd be there when things got rough.
"Stay or leave?" you ask, giving him the chance for some privacy. When he doesn't answer, you take it as your cue to leave.
"Come find me when you're ready." And you get the need to be alone. This job is far from easy. Every day one of you risks not making it back to base, and today has been a reminder of that. Just as you're about to close the door, he turns around to face you.
"He doesn't think I'm ready." He sounds like a child - a lost child, and you heart breaks into a million little pieces.
"He hasn't said that." Making your way back into the room, you take a seat next to him. He reaches over and intertwines his fingers with yours.
"He didn't have to say it. I can see it in the way he looks at me now. He set me back four years just because he could." A war rages on inside of you. Part of you wants to be supportive of him and tell him that Maverick can go to hell, but there's another part of you that agrees with him. Bradley hadn't been ready when he applied. And you wondered if he ever would be.
"Have you ever considered that maybe there was a reason for him tanking your application?" you ask hesitantly. You've barely finished your sentence, before he's up and pacing.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he demands to know, and you almost tell him. But now isn't the right time. Not when Bradley is already agitated.
"I'm just saying, this guy is the best of the best. Maybe he had a reason for doing what he did." Your secret almost spills out but you know he'd never forgive you. Your body is aching to reach out for him, to make him stop pacing, but he makes sure to keep just out of reach.
"You're supposed to be on my side," he exclaims, throwing his arms into the air.
"I am on your side!" you cry. You've always been on his side. You'd climb up and get the moon for him, if he asked you. But you need him alive. He can't go on a mission that he isn't in the right headspace for.
"Sure as hell doesn't sound like it," he remarks dryly, kicking a chair across the room.
"Bra—" you start but he cuts you off.
"Is it because you're hoping to get in his good graces, huh? That's why you're kissing his ass now? Well, he isn't here to hear you so you can drop it!"
"You don't mean that." Your eyes burn from unshed tears, but you refuse to cry. For the first time, the sight of your teary eyes is not enough to stop him from shouting at you.
"You're supposed to be my girlfriend."
"I am!" you protest, but he shuts you down time and time again.
"No. Right now, you're so far up his ass, you might as well crawl into bed with him." To keep your hands from shaking, you curl them into fists. You've never argued like this before.
"I'm going to go now. Before you say something you can't take back."
"Don't bother. I'm already leaving." He's out the door before you have a chance to stop him. This time there's no stopping the tears racing down your cheeks. You feel a tightening of your throat and before you know it, you're punching the wall. A small dent appear, and you notice blood from a cracked knuckle slowly make it way down your fingers.
"I'm sorry." Spinning around, you found Maverick standing by the doorway.
"For what?" you ask, hiding your hand behind your back.
"For what just happened between you and Rooster. And for what I'm about to ask you."
"No," you say, "you don't get to ask me that." His eyes reveal what he hasn't asked you yet. It's the same look he had back then.
"You know him better than me. You've flown with him a lot longer than I have," Maverick argues, but you're not having this discussion right now.
"I'm his wingman! I'm supposed to have his back. You don't get to put me in this position again."
"You came to me back then. I didn't force you to talk to me." Images flashes before your eyes. He's right. You were the one that went to him. You told him, Bradley wasn't ready. That he'd get himself killed. Back then, you'd asked Maverick of a favour and here he is, ready to cash it in.
"Well, you weren't exactly eager to send me away. And now you want me to turn on him again, so you don't have to. And that makes you a coward." You have no idea where you get the nerve to talk to him like that. He's your captain, and you're just a pilot. You have no right to call him a coward. But angry people say horrible things, and you're both hurt and angry.
"So, you think he's ready then?" Your silence is your betrayal. You can't say with good conscience that he's ready for this mission, but you refuse to be the one to make that decision. You decided a long time ago that you'd follow him anywhere, so if he says he's ready, you have to believe that.
"Am I dismissed, Sir?" you ask, placing your hands behind your head and your feet slightly apart. You stare at a spot just over his head, as you wait for him to respond.
"Of course," he says, eyes wide open. He had never intended to pull rank on you, but you can't continue this... this friendship with him. You're not his equal, and neither of you can pretend that you are.
"Goodnight then." You betrayed Bradley once. You're not about to do it again.
----------
He's sitting on your bed when you get back.
"What happened to your hand?" In seconds, he's got the first aid kit out and forces you to sit down.
"I punched a wall," you blurt out. He looks at you as if you've gone mental, but his hands are gentle when he rinses off the dried blood. It's not bad enough to keep you from flying, but it's enough to hurt like a bitch.
"You know, walls are normally not the best sparing partner for a boxing match."
"So I've heard." He continues his work in silence. 10 minutes later, he's got your hand cleaned and wrapped. He looks up at you about to say something, when you lean over and kiss him. Instinctively, he cups your cheek and kisses you back. You let your good hand find its way to his hair and you pull slightly. Just enough to earn you a quiet moan.
"Y/N," he gaps, but you don't care. You push him back and crawl on top of him.
"I'm sorry. I'm an asshole," you say between kisses. Without giving him time to respond, you kiss him again. Your hands fumble to unbutton his shirt, but you can't get your fingers to work properly.
"Y/N," he says again, grabbing hold of your hands, "I'm fairly certain I get that title after what I said to you."
"How about we share it?" you propose with a smile. He just kisses you again.
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