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agent-whiskeys-sweetheart · 3 years

Text

Meant To Be (iv)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: Once the team is back you all go out for drinks and your connection to Rossi becomes increasingly evident. The following day at work you get your first chance to work in the field.

Warnings: None! Just the slow burn as usual.

Word Count: 5,751

A/N: As always, thank you all so much for your continued support! It means so much to me! I just wanted to warn you guys that I may not be able to update as often as I would like for a while. School just started for me and my schedule doesn’t really allow for “free time” at the moment. Just know that I am working as quick as I can and I always look forward to sharing more with all of you. Thank you for your patience. I love you all so much!

Today goes by much more quickly than the last few weeks. Garcia helped to make the time pass a little faster but most days you were hanging on by a thread. Now that the whole team is back you feel more hopeful about your future amongst them. As the others do their required reports you make your way down to Garcia’s office. There is a bit of paperwork for the two of you to complete as well but it’s much different and a lot shorter than the rest of the team’s. At this point, you are able to walk into her office without even knocking.

“Hey cupcake! Ready to finish things up?”

“You know it.” Pulling your chair around you saddle up beside her. The paperwork is already laid out in front of her and she pushes a few sheets over to you. Thumbing through the few pages that there are you ask her for something to write with. What she gives to you is a small boring ballpoint pen. With a pang of betrayal in your eyes you look at her. “So what, I’m not good enough for the fun pens now?”

“Oh I’m sorry your highness. I thought you’d want a professional pen for your first round of professional paperwork.” Taking it out of your hand, she reaches over and retrieves a new pen that is a bright sparkling pink with a tuft of brightly colored fluff on the end.

“Thank you. Much better.” She laughs, nudging your knee with her own. The two of you set about filling out the reports. Every so often you ask her a question which she happily answers before going about finishing up her own. It only takes you both about fifteen minutes, leaving you time to talk before the rest of the team gets done.

“Did you get a chance to talk to Morgan?” Hearing her mention him for about the ten thousandth time makes you roll your eyes.

“Yes, I did. You know what, he didn’t mention you at all.”

“I wish I believed you but we both know that man is obsessed with me. What did you guys talk about?”

“Oh, so we’re feeling especially nosy today, aren’t we?”

“Always my sweet.” You love the ever adorable smile on her face.

“He was just telling me that he was impressed with my work on the case. He also told me that everyone is going out for drinks tonight and he invited me to come along.”

“Are you gonna go?” She asks even though she knows the answer.

“Yeah, of course. This is my first real chance to get to know the rest of the team. I mean, I already know Morgan pretty well I feel like but everyone else is basically a stranger to me.”

“I know. It’s gonna be a lot of fun. And of course I’m going with you.”

“I would expect nothing less from you my dear.” She gives another big toothy grin, causing you to smile as well. Looking back at the clock you stack up your papers and grab Garcia’s as well, heading toward the door. “I’m gonna go hand these in to Hotch.”

“Oh, okay. Thank you!” She says, watching the expression on your face change at the mention of your boss. “Are you still mad at him?”

“No, I was never mad at him. Was I frustrated with his decision? Of course but I don’t dislike him for it. He was doing what he thought was right. Besides, he already apologized to me.”

“Hotch apologized to you? For a decision that HE made?”

“Yeah.” Garcia pulls your chair back around and points to it.

“Okay you can’t tell me that and just leave. I need details.” Laughing you go back over and sit, putting the papers back on the desk.

“There’s not much to tell. Before he left he said he wanted to talk to me so he could ‘evaluate my abilities’. He called me in just a little bit ago. It went pretty well I think. He apologized for being harsh and said that on the next case he wanted me in the field. He also apologized for not remembering me when we met. So, yeah. We’re all good.”

“Okay, so why did you make a face?”

“What face?”

“Oh come on, you totally know you made a face. When you said you were gonna go to Hotch’s office you made ... a face.”

“Okay, well I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Even so, it happened so what’s the deal?”

“It’s nothing. I don’t know.” Hearing your awful dismissal, her nose scrunches up as she watches you with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, something is definitely going on with you. I’m all ears my love. You know that you can tell me anything, right?” The genuine expression on her face tempts you to tell her every thought that’s gone through head from the very first moment you met Hotch. However, you are having enough trouble understanding your own feelings. There is no point in sharing them right now.

“Yeah, I know. It is truly nothing. I’m just nervous that he might change his mind about me working the next case, that’s all.” This answer seems to satisfy her as she pats your knee.

“Trust me, he won’t. You are an amazing agent and you are going to do great out there. And if he doesn’t like it he can just--”

“I can just what Garcia?” The sound of Hotch’s deep voice makes both of you jump as you look behind you where he is looming in the doorway. His presence is entirely commanding, the power that he exudes seeming very evident to you now. Garcia clears her throat as she looks between the two of you, adjusting her glasses.

“I was saying that you can just make an informed and valid evaluation and we will be entirely respectful of whatever you decide.”

“Right,” He says with a ghost of a smile, walking a little further into the office. “I came down to see if you had any questions about the paperwork. I know this is your first report, I didn’t want you to get lost.” This he says to you as he makes his way closer.

“It was actually pretty straightforward. I have it done if you’d like to take a look at it though.” Reaching behind yourself, you grab the report and hand it to him. With a nod he begins to scan through the pages, flipping through them fairly quickly.

“Exemplary. I’ll just take this up to my office. Garcia?” Without needing any further instruction, she grabs her own report and hands it to him. Just like that he’s gone again, leaving Garcia stunned.

“Wow. He must be in a really good mood.” She adds.

“What do you mean? I mean, how do you know?”

“Hotch doesn’t do that kind of stuff. If you had a question he would have expected you to take the initiative to ask. He normally wouldn’t have even considered making the trip so something must be different. That was ... just not in his nature.” Pondering the implications of her statement you settle for a small shrug.

“I guess he was just being nice. No need to wonder why he did it.”

“Yeah, I guess not. Well that takes care of that. I honestly don’t have anything else for you to do right now. You could probably go ahead and ask Hotch if you can leave for the day.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. I wouldn’t mind a shower before we all meet up later.” With that you stretch and make your way towards the door.

“Have a good afternoon my dear. I look forward to seeing you later.”

“Thanks Pen. I’ll see you later.” Once she waves goodbye you leave her office, cracking the door behind you. Stepping into the elevator, you slink against the wall. Even though there’s nothing for you to do, the idea of asking to leave this early in the day makes you uneasy.

Once you’re back on the main floor you make a beeline for Morgan’s desk. The sight of you in his peripheral causes him to look up.

“Don’t you ever hang out at your own desk?”

“You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if I didn’t come bug you every five minutes.” This makes him laugh as he sets down his pen.

“We’ll never know until you try,” Faking offense, you cross your arms. “I’m just teasing you kid. What’s up?”

“Well me and Garcia finished our paperwork and she doesn’t need help with anything for the rest of the day so I was gonna go ask Hotch if I could leave early. If he says yes I’ll need to know the name of the place we’re going tonight so I can meet you there.”

“Good luck getting Hotch to agree to that but on the off chance that he does, I can write down the address for you.”

“Sounds good. Better start writing then bud.” Glancing back over your shoulder teasingly you walk up to Hotch’s office, knocking sharply. Hearing him beckon you inside, you step through the door.

“I wanted to let you know that I talked with Garcia and she doesn’t have anything for me to do right now. Nobody else needs help either so I was wondering if there was anything you needed from me.”

“I don’t believe so. Usually today would mainly be spent doing paperwork but since you have less than the others if you’re finished I would be alright letting you leave early.” Hiding a smile, you nod.

“Thank you sir. I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow then.” You go to leave but he stops you before you can get out the door.

“L/N,” When you turn to look at him you see that same softness in his eyes as you did during your earlier conversation. “I was curious ... are you doing anything tonight? Anything recreational, I mean. An important thing to try and do is find time for yourself. This job is incredibly stressful and can take a lot out of you. It would be good for you to find some time each week to do something ... fun.”

This seems like a very light-hearted thing to be coming out of his mouth. He carries himself very professionally. There hasn’t been a moment so far when you’ve seen him unwind so hearing him talk about having fun each week seems a bit odd. However you take the advice to heart. Anything he has to offer you want to remember. “I actually am sir. I was going out to have a drink with the rest of the team.” As you say this you suddenly realize that he may not have already been invited. Feeling guilty you offer a smile. “Did you plan on coming as well?” By the look on his face you can tell that he is unaware of the event however he doesn’t seem upset.

“No but thank you for asking. I need to go home and get some rest.”

“Of course. That’s a very smart decision. If you ever want to though ... go out for a drink with us, I mean. You’re always more than welcome in my book.” The genuine kindness in your eyes when you look at him causes Aaron’s heart to clench and for some reason, this time he doesn’t try to stop it. God, how can one person be so good?

“I appreciate the gesture. I’ll keep that in mind next time,” The two of you stare deeply into one another and for a moment, just one brief fleeting moment, you are just a man and a woman filled with yearning. It passes quickly and you convince yourself that it didn’t even happen. “Go, enjoy your free afternoon and have fun this evening. It’s important for you to bond with your team members.”

“Thank you sir.” As you’re about to leave he stops you one last time.

“One more thing,” There is a second of hesitation. “You don’t have to call me sir all the time. A bit of formality when we’re on the job is appropriate but you can just call me Hotch. Everyone does.”

“Got it. In that case I hope you have a good evening Hotch.” When you step out of his office you can feel your heart beating rapidly. Every time you start to get your feelings in check he looks at you like that and you melt at his feet. It’s nothing but a stupid crush though. You’ll get over it. It’s not like he has feelings for you anyway so there’s no point in entertaining a fantasy. As lovely a fantasy as it is.

“Hey, Y/N,” Emily stops you as you make your way towards Morgan’s desk. “I wanted to tell you, really great job on this case. The work you did was great. You should feel very proud of yourself.”

“Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.” You nod in gratitude.

“Of course. I’m excited to see what you can do in the field. If you’re that good in an office you’re gonna be a force out in the world.”

“I’m excited too. Hopefully I don’t disappoint any of you.”

“You won’t. We’re all on your side here. No matter what happens, we all just want to help you be successful. I promise.”

“That ... makes me feel a lot better actually. Thanks.” She gives you a kind smile, pushing back away from her desk to face you.

“Absolutely. Hey, are you coming out with us tonight?”

“Yeah, Morgan invited me earlier. I was actually about to go get the address from him since I’m headed out for the day.” She doesn’t say anything for a moment, frozen as if she’s buffering.

“Hotch is letting you leave early?”

“Yeah. I finished all my work with Garcia so he’s letting me go.”

“Well, whatever you did to get on his good side, keep it up.” She jokes, turning back to her own paperwork. The continued mention of Hotch’s graciousness with you threatens to go to your head but you fight to keep your daydreaming in check.

“When I figure out what the secret is I’ll let you know.” You kid back before leaving her to continue her work. Morgan seems to be almost finished when you make your way back over to him. Upon seeing you hovering he stops briefly to look up at you. The look on your face tells him everything he needs to know and he lets out a chuckle.

“No way. He’s really letting you leave?” Giving him nothing more than a nod you shift your weight as you watch him grab a piece of paper and write down the address. “I guess you earned this fair and square then. We’ll all meet up at eight. Sound okay?”

“For sure. See you then.” With a smile you stroll out the main doors.

++++++++++

As soon as you step in the door you drop your things to the floor and flop onto the couch. It has been a very short day and yet you feel a strange weight on your shoulders. Hearing everyone’s disbelief at the idea of Hotch being so relaxed with you had sent your mind spiraling with thoughts. Even though you know it was nothing it is hard not to entertain the ideas that come to your head. With a frustrated sigh you push yourself up and head for the bathroom.

Once you step inside your small shower the pressure of the warm water on your back immediately makes you slump over with relief. The strange sense of tension in your body melts away with each droplet as they disappear down the drain. Reveling in the feeling, you take a bit longer than normal to enjoy the time to yourself. After being clean you feel that you can no longer justify lingering in the water so you turn the knob and step out to dry off. The soft material of the towel elevates the feeling of relaxation in your body.

Throwing a robe on you make your way to the bedroom, flinging yourself onto the bed with your phone in hand. Suddenly feeling very mischievous you take an adorably flirtatious picture of yourself in your robe, well cleaned and blissful, which you send to Garcia.

Having fun all alone at work Pen?

I think that I hate you.

The response makes you giggle as you head out to the kitchen to grab a snack. There is a chocolate bar on the top shelf that you’ve forgotten about which you happily grab before plopping down on the couch. Turning the tv on to your favorite station you sit there, impatiently waiting for eight. The day feels impossibly long but once you see that it’s seven you decide to get dressed.

After several minutes of trying to figure out what to wear you decide to keep things casual. You’re not at work tonight. It’s just you and the team spending time together as friends, not agents. The thought alone makes you smile. After a bit longer you figure it’s a good time to head out and make your way to your car. Typing the address into your GPS you pull out and make the drive to the bar Morgan told you to meet at. It is surprisingly close to your apartment complex. When you step inside the building it seems to be fairly empty. There is no sign of the others yet so you make your way over to a table to wait. Cursing your preparedness you fidget with your shirt until you hear the doors open, announcing the arrival of the others.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Morgan immediately calls out upon seeing you. With a smile you stand to meet him as he wraps you up in a hug.

“Hey! Nice of you to show up.” You add jokingly, turning your attention quickly to the others. Emily steps forward next and also gives you a hug. JJ follows with a sweet smile. Spencer offers a handshake, as has become the custom between the two of you. Garcia pushes her way to the front and nearly suffocates you before letting you go with a laugh. At the back of the group is Rossi. His presence is mildly surprising to you but you offer him a small smile. Seeing him brings to mind the recent conversation you have had with your sister but you push those thoughts aside. Rather than embracing you he places a gentle hand on your arm.

“It’s nice to see you again.” He adds, trying to alleviate the tension.

“Yeah, likewise. I know we haven’t really had a chance to talk to one another yet. Hopefully we can clear that up tonight!”

“Sounds nice.” With a nod, you turn back towards the others. They all take up residence at the table you had already picked out. Squeezing in between Garcia and Morgan, you can’t help but smile shyly at the people around you. They immediately strike up conversation, talking like the oldest of friends. Just being amongst them means so much to you. Hearing your name you are drawn back out of your thoughts.

“Sorry what?” There is a uniform chuckle from the group.

“I asked if you wanted something to drink?” Emily speaks up.

“Oh yeah. Sorry.” She starts standing but Rossi stops her.

“Actually, let me get this one,” The action causes you to look between the two, a strange feeling in your chest. “What’re you having?” After telling him your drink order he disappears with a nod. The others continue the conversation as though nothing has happened and you quickly rejoin them. When Rossi comes back over he hands your drink to you first and then passes drinks around to the others.

As the night goes on you share moments with everyone, getting to know them better and allowing them to know you. Emily and you discuss the stresses of being a woman in this field and she gives you several pieces of advice to stay afloat, which you always appreciate. Spencer recommends some pieces of literature to you which you take mental note of. JJ and you get into a conversation about your sisters, confiding in one another as you share stories. Morgan makes light hearted jokes with you as you talk about some of your favorite movies together. Garcia doesn’t do much talking but she does pull you away from the table to dance when one of her favorite songs comes on. Rossi doesn’t talk much either, instead choosing to sit back and watch with a look that seems to be fatherly pride.

After a while of dancing with Morgan and Garcia you decide to go sit back down, a wide smile on your face. At the table Emily, JJ, and Spencer seem to be in a heated discussion about chess. Deciding to leave them alone you instead make your way to sit down next to Rossi. As you do so he smiles at you warmly.

“Having fun?” He inquires, glancing at you briefly.

“Yeah. I really am. It’s really nice getting to spend time with all of you like this. I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life to be part of a family like this and now that I am it’s like I just can’t get enough.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I’ve heard some people say we can’t choose our families but nights like this just go to show how wrong that is.”

“Yeah, exactly.” With that, the two of you sit in content silence. The quietness between the two of you leaves time to think. Your sister’s words continue to ring in your head as you wrack ever corner of your memory for how you might possibly know the man sitting next to you. With a sigh of frustration you come up completely blank. As you ponder this you also begin to wonder if he might be having the same thoughts and decide there’s no way to find out without asking.

“So, I hope this doesn’t sound too weird but I’ve been thinking about this since we first met. I just have the strange feeling that you and I know each other somehow but I just can’t recall where from.” It all comes out at once as you shift in your seat to look at Rossi. When you say this he allows himself a moment to think before responding.

“That’s not weird at all. I’ve been thinking the same thing. There is something about you that is so familiar but I just can’t quite remember how I know you.” Hearing him say this helps to validate your confusion and you offer him a kind smile.

“Well, I guess we know each other now. That’s what’s important, right?” In his eyes there is that same sense of fatherly joy and it causes a pang of sadness to creep into your chest for a moment. Quickly deciding that it’s better to just enjoy it rather than dwell in the past, you nod slowly. “Thanks for the drink.”

“Anytime kiddo. I’m glad we do know each other now.”

With that you mutually decide the conversation is over and you stand with a stretch. Morgan and Garcia seem to be the drunkest of anyone at this point and you laugh as you watch them stumble all over each other as they “dance”. Emily, JJ, and Spencer still seem to be deep in conversation. Looking at the time you decide that it’s probably best for you to turn in for the night. “Hey guys.” You raise your voice slightly so they can all hear you as you make your way over to them.

“I think I should probably head home.” They collectively whine for a minute which causes you to laugh. “It’s okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” Seeming satisfied with this answer they all get up to hug you as you thank them for a fun evening and head outside. Rossi sticks to your side and walks out the front doors with you.

“Would it be okay if I drove you home? I feel wrong about sending you home alone after you’ve been drinking.”

“Yeah, that would be okay. I actually only live a few minutes from here anyway.” With a nod he heads back towards the bar. As you make your way over to your car you can here him call inside to the others.

“Don’t any of you even think about setting foot inside a car yet. I’ll be back in a few minutes to drive you home.” With a chuckle you unlock the door and step inside. He slips into the driver’s seat and you give him directions back to your apartment. The drive is silent and quick. When you arrive you thank him as you both step out.

“Wait, how are you gonna get back?” You say, realizing that you’ve stranded him at your apartment complex since he took your car.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be alright. You get inside and get some rest.” With another expression of gratitude you head upstairs and make your way into your apartment. Stripping as you make your way to the bedroom you flop down on the bed, unable to keep your eyes open.

++++++++++

This morning you are awake bright and early, surprisingly ready to start your day. By this point you’ve begun to get into a routine before you head out for work. Your clothes are always laid out on the chair and your work materials are on the kitchen table. You make a quick breakfast then give your sister a quick good morning phone call before heading out the door and showing up to work promptly at five.

When you step inside the building this morning you are one of the first people there. Setting your things down at your desk you head over to the coffee machine, deciding an extra little boost might not be so bad. After setting it up you wait patiently for it to brew. A few minutes later you are very aware of a presence next to you. When you look back over your shoulder you are greeted by Hotch, seemingly very awake and as professional as ever.

“Good morning, Y/N.” The sound of your first name on his tongue doesn’t escape your attention as you take a small breath.

“Morning Hotch,” Hearing yourself say his name is equally as pleasant to you as you revel in the blooming bond between you.

“How was your evening?” Thinking back to the night you shared with your other team members you can’t help but smile.

“It was really wonderful. I had a great time. It was nice getting a chance to learn more about everyone. It really makes me feel connected ... like I’m truly a part of the team. You know?”

“I do. I’m very happy to hear that you had a good time.” With a nod, you look back down for a moment as you think of what to say.

“How did you sleep last night? I hope you were able to rest.”

“I slept well, thank you. I spent the evening with my son, Jack.” Hearing this takes you aback. The fact that he has a son is news to you. It’s not bad news, just a bit surprising. However, the more you think about it the more fitting it seems that he would have a kid.

“That sounds lovely. I didn’t know you had a son.”

“Yes, he’s two now. The nights I get to spend with him are always some of the best.” The thought of Hotchner taking care of a young baby sends a warm feeling spiraling through your chest.

“I can imagine,” You say, unable to hold back a small smile. “I don’t have any children but if I did ... god, they’d be my world.”

As much as you try not to think about it, for the briefest moment an image of you and Aaron laying in bed with a few babies of your own flashes in your mind. Scolding yourself harshly you erase the image and turn back towards the coffee machine. You look away just in time to miss the same dreamy look cross over Aaron’s face as the exact same vision passes through his own thoughts. It’s these moments of silence between the two of you that dare you to dream. It isn’t awkward. It has all the familiarity and comfort of a silence shared between two people that have known each other all their lives.

“That’s exactly how it feels. He means everything to me. He is the biggest thing that makes this job worthwhile. I want him to look back on his life when he’s older and be proud of the man his dad was.”

“Jack will always be proud of who his dad is. That’s a feeling that doesn’t fade over time. At least, not when you know he loves you. And when you know you love him. I’ve never--” There is a brief moment of hesitation as you wonder whether or not you should continue your train of thought. “I’ve always been proud of who my dad was. I always will be, no matter how much time passes. It’s one of the biggest things I remember about him. How much I loved him. That’s a hard feeling to forget. Jack won’t forget either.”

In this moment, Aaron Hotchner has never wanted to embrace someone so badly. Every fiber of his being is itching to reach out and touch you, to pull you close, kiss the top of your head, tell you that everything will be alright, tell you how sorry he is that you lost your dad, thank you for comforting him, caress your face, tenderly press his lips to yours, and just hold you. But he can’t. So he doesn’t.

“Thank you. That’s nice to hear.” Is all he can muster before he falls silent again. Content with this, you stay silent as well as you both simply enjoy each other’s company. A few minutes later the coffee is finished brewing and you pull the pot out to pour some for yourself and Hotch. With a nod of gratitude he makes his way back up to his office, leaving you there alone but strangely full and warm.

Needing a distraction you head back to your desk and begin pulling paperwork out of some nearby drawers to begin filing. You keep yourself occupied like this for a few more minutes before the other agents begin entering the bullpen. Morgan ruffles your hair as he passes by you causing you to punch him. The others come in, talking amongst themselves and greeting you warmly as they pass by. You quickly join in on the conversation as you all begin your work.

Pretty soon JJ disappears to her own office and Garcia disappears to hers, leaving you, Morgan, Emily, and Spencer to do your own paperwork. Things remain uneventful as you look over your materials, stopping every now and again to ask Morgan a question. As you do your work you can’t help but glance up towards Hotch’s office every once in awhile. Your interaction with him had been very strangely intimate and you almost wanted to speak with him more about it but you knew that both of you had things to do. And even if you didn’t it was in the past and didn’t need to be dredged up again. It’s better this way. Around lunchtime you head down to Garcia’s office, joining her for some light hearted conversation. She has also packed you some snacks she knows you love and the gesture warms your heart. It is a very pleasant afternoon, feeling reminiscent of the time you spent shut up in her office on this last case.

After a while you decide to head back up to your desk to continue your work. The day is passing fairly slowly until JJ suddenly draws your attention and calls you into the conference room. There is a new case that you all need to be prepped for. Now everything around you is passing at lightning speed. Preparing your things you head up to the conference room with the others, buzzing with excitement. When you step inside you realize you’ve never been in this room before. In an instant you are flooded with the gravity of what you’re doing. This is the culmination of years and years worth of hard work and you are finally being presented the chance to do what you’ve always wanted to do. It is both liberating and completely terrifying.

JJ begins her debriefing very succinctly, telling you all the facts of the case. You listen intently, absorbing every single piece of information she gives to you. The others pitch in when the moment is right but you remain silent as you simply take in what everyone is saying. Several gruesome images are pulled up on the screen in front of you and for the first time since you’ve stepped foot in this building your stomach turns. Six homeless people have been murdered in the Phoenix area. Their bodies have all been left in widely public places with various messages written on their skin with blood. All the messages are different but point to someone with a serious hatred for big corporations. They have all been left in different parts of Phoenix, leaving a wide geographical profile which will pose a challenge. Once the debriefing is finished Hotch is the first to speak.

“You all know the drill. Wheels up in thirty.” Everyone nods and begins heading for their desks. You follow closely, pulling your go bag out of your bottom desk drawer. Checking inside to make sure you have everything you need, you gather the rest of your things and head towards the doors. As you stand at the threshold you feel a hand on your shoulder. Once again you are met with Hotch’s intense gaze though his expression seems strangely soft.

“Y/N, I want to make sure you feel ready to get into the field. I know this will be your first case with the rest of the team and I want you to be prepared. This won’t be pretty and it will take a lot out of you.”

“I’m ready, Hotch. I was ready the moment I walked through these doors.” Keeping his eyes locked on yours he responds with a nod before walking away. You head in the direction of the jet, steadying yourself. This is your big moment to prove yourself. To Hotch, to the team, and to yourself. You are ready. You’ve been ready for a long time now and nothing is going to stop you from getting out there and putting whoever is doing this away. Determination fills you with every step you take. No matter what happens, you will not fail.

Tags: @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut @ohpedromypedro @ssahotchie @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester @hotch-stufff @annadorothxa @canadailluminate @yoshigguk @gothicxbarbie @romanogersendgame @little-diable

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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The Shape of You

Summary: While at one of Tonys top end parties the god of mischief asks you to dance to your suprise. You didn't think he was the type to dance muchless to the song that he decided to ask you to dsnce to.

Characters: Loki, Thor, Tony, Natalie, Wanda, Clint, Steve

Pairings: you x Loki, you x Thor (platonic), you x Tony (Brother, sister)

ANNOUNCMENTS: I got this idea while listening to "Shape of You", then I really started getting into the story everytime that I listened to it (which was a lot). Ive had this on my head for a while now but i had to finish up I think I'm in love and part 2. I also got 200 followers today, next is 300, lets get this! BTW I know that this is a GIF from High Rise but it gives you a PRETTY good iead whats going on. 💚💚💚

Loki Masterlist

"Why do you insist on bringing me to the boring ass parties Nat?" You asked trying to pull the hem of the dress down that she had picked oit for you. It wad a dark blue thigh length dress with a very low v neck, the shoes where a high heel ankle strap black shoe with small bows on the side the same color as the dress.

"Stop. Stop pulling, your not gonna make it any longer by doing that." She said swatting your hands away. "I bring you to these 'boring ass parties' because you spend to much time in the library doimg research, in your room working, or sitting in the lab trying to make something better. Point is, you are always working."

"I dont hear you complaining when something of yours gets improved, or an upgrade. Nat I love you but I am a weponds expert. I work better in the quite, thats my zone. Not here."

"Is that why you enjoy spending time with Loki? Because I have to tell you y/n hes not really the quite type." She rasied an eyebrow to look st you.

"Hes not the quite type around all of you because you all make snide remarks. Hes usually quite around me because I dont pick on him or call him names." You turned and looked straight at her.

"All of the other reindeer, use to laugh and call him names." Tony sang walking up to the two of you with a drink. "Couldnt be talking about reindeer game could you?"

"Thank you Tony, and we were just finishing talking and Loki." You answered walking off to sit at the bar where Steve and Thor was sitting.

"Your brother throws one heck of a party." Steve saod tilting his beer to his mouth. "Defiantly better than some of the parties I've been to."

"It is a good party but nothing like the ones on Asguard." Thor boomed with laughter. "You must come some time, we would have a grand celebration in your honor."

"Hes always been a little over the top, if you cant tell. Always had an eye for big, expensive things. Flamboyant parties, playboy style women, expensive cars. Whatever he wants he gets, now dont get me wrong he does work his ass off, but sometimes it would be nice to just have a weekend were the walls didnt shake while I am trying to work on something."

"Ah but little sister, all work and no play makes y/n a dull boy." Tony answered lightly slapping your back.

"Jesus Christ Tone, stop quoting movies, it gets rather annoying."

"Another round, bartender, for little sister." Tony said ruffling your hair.

"You realize I cant stand you right?" You shot him a sideways look.

"Thats why I dont let you work on my toys." He answered giving you a kiss on the top of the head before walking off.

"Thor?" You turned to the god of thunder.

"Yes Lady y/n?" He turned to were he was facing you, his legs on either side of your thighs.

"Do you know of your brother is going to show up?" He laughed turning back to the bar. "Dont get me wrong I absolutly love your company but...."

"You would rather have the company of a more slender, raven haired man tonight." He raised a brow while taking a drink of his beer.

"Well, yes. He is quite interesting to say the least." You laugh.

"Well lady y/n, he said he would be down shortly. He did say he was going to make an apperance though."

"Thank you." You stood, leaning down to kiss his cheek before walking off to find someone else interesting to talk to.

"Hey y/n! Over here!" Clint shouted waving you over to were he, Nat, and Wanda were sitting.

You sat talking to them for a little bit about what new stuff you had added to their weapons and gear, Clint was excited about trying out some of the new arrows that you had developed. You kept gnacing around the room hoping to catch a glips of Loki when he decided to come down.

While you and Wanda was in the middle of a conversation you felt a tap on your shoulder. Turning slightly you seen Loki stamding there was a know it all smirk on his face, he was wearing a completly black suit with his hair slicked back, you coud have swore that your heart stopped.

"Hello Darling, I heard you had been asking about me?" He offered you his hand to help you stand.

You laughed tucking your chin down slightly, you could feel your cheeks heat up. "I am going to kill your brother." He lead you back to the bar and getting you a drink handing it to you.

"You look quite ravishing tonight." He leaned in whispering in your ear. "Dont start being bashful tonight, after what happened last night." He had caught you off guard causing you to spit your drink back in your glass.

"Loki," you hissed smacking him on his shoulder. "We dont need Tony going all Iron Man on you tonight."

"Dance with me." He took your glass sitting it back on the bar and grabbed your hand.

"Oh no no no no. I dont dance." You tried stopping but he pulled you to the edge of the damce floor.

"Then dont dance, let the music guide you, or just follow my lead." He grabbed your waist pulling you closer to him, the song was an up beat song and he started moving. "Midguardian dances are so simple, it would be a type of tango I am assuming." He took you hand and wrapped it around the back of his head before placing his hand on your lower back pulling you even closer.

"This is crazy." You laughed after a few practice steps. It was simple yet intimate at the same time, you had a feeling you knew where this was heading.

"But simple, you are better than what you give your self credit for." He spund you around a few times as the tempo changed, when he spun you back to him his chest ws aginst your back as his hamd splayed across your abdomen.

He traced his nose up the side of your neck as you both moved causing you to give a small moan. "My bed sheets still smell like you." He whispered.

"Loki, can I let you in on a secret." You turned back in his arms to face him.

"Of course my dear." His fingers stroked your back.

"I think I'm in love with you." You wrapped your hand around his head so that you could pull his ear down to your level. You heard him take a breath and the dancing faltered slightly but he kept moving.

"It feels as though I might be returning those feelings y/n." You smiled up at him he turned you in a few more circles causing you to be facing away from him again. His hips following yours in a delicious manner causing your thoughts to go back to the night before. His trailing kisses down your neck to your collar bones, fingers caressing up your sides pulling your shirt over your head. You returning the favor and being speechless at finally seeing him with out his shirt on. He had a more slender figure but his muscles were still there. Remembering the feeling of his chest clenching as you ran your fingers up and around his neck to pull him closer for the earth shattering kiss that had lead to so much more.

"You reliving some of last nights activities, y/n?" He asked quietly.

"Yes but sadly I am having trouble remembering some parts. You might have to remind me." The song ended as you pulled him off the dance floor and through the doors leading to the hallway.

~~~~~

Tag List:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

@rosaline-black

@serpentargo

@drbaureid

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Wow wow wow, ok so some slightly adult situations but oh dear lord, my face is a little red just from writting that. I've read worst but never wrote. What I would give to be twirled around the dance floor like that by him. Thank you guys for reading! I really hope you enjoy this one. Like I saod I have been thinking about this for about a week now and here it is. I habe to say this is like top 3 of my faves (my first was and still is my fave "Bath Time For a Prince") Thank you again for all the love and the support!!!!

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koshicoast · 3 years

Text

A few shinkami headcannons because I love them more than anything

Shinsou has a growth spurt and practically towers over Denki by their second year (for all intents and purposes, Shinsou has always been in class 1A)

Denki grows a little bit but not that much, he’s not complaining though, he gets Shinsou to grab stuff on the top shelve for him or has him hang up posters in higher places in his room (the only downside is that he has to get on his tippy toes for kisses but usually Shinsou will just bend down like a good boyfriend)

They go on dates every Sunday, It’s their day and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing as long as it’s just the two of them

They could be studying or doing homework or exercising or anything really and they’ll call it a date

The rest of the class knows better than to try and contact either boy on Sunday

“Normies worship Jesus on Sunday but I worship Shinsou” - Denki, at one point in time

Shinsou loves playing with denki’s hair, he buys different kinds of hair clips just to put them in denki’s hair

he just likes how the colors pop out

He especially likes to see purple hair clips in denki’s hair

Tbh it doesn’t have to be hair clips, it could be a scrunchie or a rubber band or a headband; as long as it’s purple it does wonders to shinsou’s heart

Denki likes playing with shinsou’s hair too but more than that he likes seeing Shinsou in yellow clothing

Shinsou doesn’t wear bright colors a lot usually sticking with black or cool tone colors

But when he does wear yellow, Denki just gets all mushy no matter how small it is

It could be yellow earrings or socks or something and Denki will wear a love sick expression all day

Despite being in the hero course, Shinsou still gets incredibly insecure about his quirk and how some people only see him as a villain

Denki, without fail or hesitation, tells Shinsou what a great hero he’s gonna be, he talks about how Shinsou is gonna inspire a new wave of underground heroes and how he’s gonna be some kid’s Aizawa one day and how proud he is of him (The first time he said that, it makes Shinsou sob. It makes denki cry too bc he’s a sympathetic crier so they just lay in bed holding eachother)

He also tells Shinsou how no matter who’s the number one hero, Shinsou will always have first place in his heart. And that Shinsou is just as much as any other hero out there and even a little more because he’ll be underground

Denki just loves his boyfriend so much and whoever planted the idea that some quirks are just made for evil is going to get electrocuted >:(

Denki will also pepper Shinsou in kisses saying things like ‘you are so kind’ ‘you’re an amazing person’ ‘I love you so much’ ‘You’re my hero’ and just a bunch of stuff so by the end of their heart to heart Shinsou is feeling a lot better

Denki gets insecure about how ‘dumb’ he is and how he’ll probably just end up hurting civilians or himself before he hurts a villain

Shinsou hates how that’s how Denki views himself because Denki is one of the kindest people in the world and doesn’t even realize it like the first time Denki told him that insecurity, Shinsou looked at him and was like ‘are you..you’re serious? Denks, You’re one of the most clever people I know’

Whenever Denki mentions it, Shinsou he just squeezes the blonde and lets him cry out his frustrations before telling him that ‘he’s not an idiot or stupid and that it’s okay not to understand something as fast as others and that it’s okay to learn differently and it’s okay’ (Shinsou will always try not to cry but a few tears fall anyways bc he just wants denks to be happy without feeling like he’s a fuckup)

Shinsou never lets Denki call himself an idiot or stupid, even in a joking way.

They don’t fight a lot because of their personalities like

Denki is a people’s person and is really in tune with other’s emotions and by default is a pacifist unless otherwise

Shinsou isn’t a people’s person but he’s observant due to his quirk bc of how he’s been treated in the past, he’s also good at picking up on people’s body language

Most times it’s just small disagreements and even then they communicate the best they can and try to compromise

If that doesn’t work then they’ll give each other space so the disagreement won’t turn into something ugly

They’ve only fought once and it was the worst (and best) thing for them

The fight happened after a mock rescue mission goes wrong and there were weeks of stress and tension leading up to it

It was messy and bad like really bad

“I just don’t get why you have to run into danger!” Denki screamed. The whole dorm could probably hear them but he didn’t care, not when his boyfriend was looking at him like he just lost his mind.

It was supposed to be a simple training exercise. Simple. Go in, defeat villains, rescue the ‘hostages’. It was not that simple.

*insert how badly the mission went and Shinsou ran towards the danger to help or smth idk*

It gets pretty rough between the two of them because they’re both pretty emotional people

Shinsou thinks denki doesn’t want him to be a hero and denki thinks Shinsou doesn’t want to be with him

It’s a lot of insecurities + stress + yelling

Denki is the first one to break, he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive than Toshi and everything is just crashing down and he hates it

“Do you just not want to be with me?!” He cries, unable to keep the tears at bay any more. He hates arguing with people, especially when that person happens to be his boyfriend. He gets it, he does! Toshi is training to become a hero and so is he but that doesn’t make it easier. Doesnt stop the shot of fear whenever he watches the other get hurt, doesn’t stop the late night self deprecation, doesn’t stop the anxiety he gets whenever he sees Toshi run head first into danger.

But he gets it and somehow it’s a bitter realization.

Because Hitoshi’s priority is the job they signed up for and Denki’s is Hitoshi.

The fight ends with tears on both their parts and they call it a night, too tired to scream anymore

They sleep in their own rooms that night

The next morning they agree to take a break, not a full break up, but some time away. Space away from each other to prioritize and think.

(Now ive seen fanfics where everyone picks denki over Shinsou and i hate that so fuck you, class 1A are both their friends and they’re all family and try and to help each other I will die with that statement)

Surprisingly the two most helpful people are Bakugou and Kirishima

(Actually not that surprising, they’re the longest couple in the whole class, dating immediately after Kamino)

Bakugou and denki have a heart to heart

“You’re both dumbasses” Katsuki sighs heavy, passing another tissue over to the sobbing blonde. He’s not good at these kinds of things, but Kirishima told him he could help the electric blonde more than he could so here he is. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong or just cry?” He asks, not without a hint of worry though. He pretends to ignore it.

So denki tells him everything and his insecurities

Oh. Yeah, Kirishima was right.

“You think I’m an idiot” Denki mutters quietly, harshly rubbing his eyes.

“No” The older blonde shakes his head, plopping down on the bed next to the other. He doesn’t turn to meet yellow eyes, his own trained on the All Might poster hanging directly across from them. He feels Pikachu’s curious gaze on him so he decides to elaborate more, knowing the sooner he helps the sooner he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. It’s totally not because he’s gotten soft. Absolutely not.

“Trust me, Zombie Eyes looks at you like you put the fucking stars in the sky. It’s disgusting to watch.” He crinkles his nose in disgust earning a small laugh. “People like him and I, we gotta work twice as hard. Not saying that no one else does but it’s different.” He stresses the last word. “People like Ei or Deku or even you, people already see you as good so all you gotta do is get stronger. They don’t question your character, your morals, they don’t look down on you for having a weakness. People like Zombie Eyes and I though?we gotta work hard just to prove that we’re good. That we were meant to become heroes. Every action we do is put under a microscope and analyzed.” He explains.

“We’re assholes by default, It’s how we were raised. Not saying it as an excuse though. He was in the shitty system and I had shitty parents, no adult taught us shit like love or how to properly deal with feelings.”

Stupid Deku tried with him but he didn’t even know how to deal with his own much less some angry blond kid’s.

He takes a deep breath, pushing back faint memories of his childhood. The younger hasn’t said a word but he can tell he’s listening so it’s fine. “We can’t just turn off how we are. If it’s frustrating for you and Ei, It’s worse for us. Like we know logically that we’re good people, that we changed but that’s now how our brain sees it. We push ourselves because that’s all we know how to do, it proves to us and everyone else that we bled for our spot here. That we made it. Having friends is hard because we compare ourselves to them and draw our own conclusions to their actions. Being nice? Our brain says it’s a trap. Showing some human fucking decency? Our shitty brain says it’s an act. Being in a relationship? Laughable. We’re just villains pretending to play heroes to everyone else.”

He takes another deep breath, forcing himself to look away from the poster, flashbacks to their first year briefly passing in his head. Okay yeah, not going down that route. He looks over, making eye contact. He wonders if this is how Kirishima feels whenever he’s trying to cheer him up. Wonders if it’s just as hard. This better be worth it, everyone has been miserable. (Shitty thing about having been through life and death situations together is that everyone has bonded and become close like a family so when one of them is sad it’s like everyone is fucking sad.) (He loathes it because even he gets worried.)

“But despite that he still loves you.” He says softly, almost whispering like he’s telling the other a secret. “Fights his demons to hold your hand and all that shit”

Shinsou loves him? Loves him?

“How do you.. how do you know?” Denki whispers, throat sore. “We fought so badly last night, we were screaming at eachother.”

“He treats you the same way I treat Ei.” He answers,

“He changed his priorities around to try and accommodate for another person in his life, you became more important than training or studying. He takes days off to be with you, cuts his studying short if you need a break. It might not seem much to others but for him that’s huge. He came in with this one track mind but then you came along and he scrambled to balance everything. And then you two got your shit together and started to go out and I’m pretty sure he got scared”

“Scared?” Denki asks, the thought almost funny to him.

“I did.” Bakugou admits as Denki’s eyes grow wide.

“I was petrified. When Ei started to become more important than hero work, I freaked. It’s not that loverboy is choosing being a hero over you, It’s because he doesn’t understand that he can have both. He thinks everything important is a choice- that if you want something you have to give something up. He chooses hero work and he loses you. He chooses you and he loses hero work.”

“But he’s not going to lose me or hero work”

“Kinda sounded like you did give him an ultimatum though”

The realization hits him like cold water.

Shinsou gets a similar talk with Kirishima

It helps, a lot

They don’t immediately go back to eachother, instead spending the week with their everyone else and just taking time for themselves

Shinsou knocks on Denki’s door Sunday morning and they finally talk things out

It’s also the first time they say ily!!

Anyways after that fight they work harder on communicating especially when it comes to things like hero work

It’s not perfect bc their dumb traumatized teens but they’re trying and they know their lil family will always be there

I haven’t slept but yes thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this

If ur interested in shinsou’s talk with Kirishima lmk

#shinkami headcannons #shinkami #drabble #snippets #shinsou x kaminari #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou #denki kaminari #kaminari #my hero academia #kiribaku #Kirishima #bnha bakugou

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generallybarzy · 4 years

Text

smile like sunshine v

Wednesday: ~8.2k

previous chapters: i // ii // iii // iv

an: Here it is!!! Sorry it took so long, I had stuff going on and started a new job and everything, but I think the final product is worth the wait. From here on out there’s gonna be a warning for nsfw stuff and lowkey smut (no spoilers though). Buckle up kiddos. @thirteenisles thanks for proofreading this!!!!!

summary: It’s your 21st birthday, and you want to spend some alone time with Mat! As the days of your trip keep rolling by, it becomes harder and harder to suppress the fantasies, the feelings you had towards him: desire, longing, lust, love. It’s getting harder and harder to fight your feelings, and even the alcohol doesn’t do much to help you ignore Mat. In fact, the alcohol might have made it worse...

It’s 2019, exactly eleven years after your tenth birthday, and Mat is determined to make this year even better than before.

The first thing you felt was his lips on yours.

You’d remember the softness, the care, for years to come, maybe even- dare you say- for the rest of your life. They were so gentle, so caring, moving against yours, pushing and pulling like the tides, while his fingers grazed across your jaw and his big hands cupping your face to pull you deeper into his mouth; to mold your face- your body- against his.

When you pulled back to take a breath, you caught a glimpse of his eyes, kind and searching, filled with questions he’d never ask. You wanted to ask what was wrong, you wanted to get him to spill his words, spill his heart in front of you, but your throat closed up and no words came. Instead, you were back on his mouth with more desperate longing than before- filling the hole of unspoken words with passion and need. His mouth was inviting, caressing, and warm, his lips hopeful and confident against yours. But when the kiss was broken and you leaned back to look at the face cradled between your palms, something struck you.

There was nothing familiar about this face. In fact, there were no distinguishing features at all. What color were his eyes? What did his hair look like? Who was this? You couldn’t say. All you could tell was what it felt like to have his mouth on yours.

The breeze ruffled your hair, the waves crashed on the beach, and finally, you could hear his voice:

“Baby.” There it was, the familiarity, the warmth of his words, and the soothingness of his voice oozing over you, making your heart sickly sweet and saccharine. “Baby.” He repeated it over and over again, and you could listen to him say it over and over again, marveling at how right it sounded coming from his lips. The effect he had on you with just his voice- his mere presence even- would never cease to amaze you.

And there he was.

“Mat.” You reached for him, only hoping your voice had the same effect on him that he had on you.

He reached for you, and his touch ignited fires along your skin, both hot and cold where his fingertips grazed along your arm.

You touched his chest, slid your hand across tight pectorals and down, down to the taut muscles of his abdomen. If you’ve ever seen anyone built like a Greek God, it was him. Golden and built, he was never one to brag, though he certainly had plenty to brag about. His smile- gleaming white, perfect and teasing, always able to make your heart flutter- had your knees giving out beneath you, but he caught you with his strong, waiting arms. His words, smooth and sweet like honey, coated your body and had your clothes all but sliding off of your body on their own. His big hands had you squirming and begging silently with pleading eyes, as he kneaded and caressed your skin with touches at the same time overwhelmingly gentle and rough. And he happily obliged to your begging. The ‘V’ at his hips made your body flutter in need, made you giddy and excited. You knew what lay beyond, that ‘V’, and you knew how good it would feel when you finally connected. When you finally found each other and nodded your consent to have him sink against you, foreheads touching and breath mingling. When you finally became one being together.

You were weightless, floating in the air together as he held you against him, your bodies molding together perfectly, pushing and pulling with you, rocking breathlessly with each other. There was no desperation, no rush- you had each other and you had time, all the time in the world- and he was hot and heavy and slow inside of you. And with your bodies molded into each other tightly, you were able to push and pull steadily, all the way to the end, when sweat beaded on your foreheads, your breath came out in short pants against each other’s mouths, your hands tangled together and through each other’s hair, and your hearts glowed, complete and absolutely ready to let go together.

“(Y/N).”

“Mat.”

“(Y/N)?” He kept saying it, over and over, until his lips froze in place and his questioning face began to fade from your view, his hands dissolving from your body, leaving you empty and alone and on the edge, with his voice rumbling through your ear. “(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N).”

You opened your eyes.

“(Y/N). Hey, wake up, birthday girl!”

You groaned, rolling over and pulling the pillow over your face, trying your hardest to ignore the dull throbbing in your core. Right there? He had to wake you up right there? Fuck, it felt so real. You could practically feel his hands, feel his body beneath your fingers, feel his- “C’mon, we’ve got stuff to do today, sleepyhead!”

You couldn’t even look at him after that dream. That dream of your best friend kissing you, touching you, loving you. He had looked so real, he had felt so real. How could you just go about your day as if you hadn’t dreamt of that? As if you hadn’t felt that? God, he had no idea, did he? You pulled the pillow away, and there he was.

Just as beautiful as always.

He was sitting cross-legged at the foot of your bed, toying with the edge of your sheets. His skin had tanned gorgeously in the past days and looked so golden and warm to the touch, his hair falling dark and wavy onto his forehead until he reached up and pushed it back. The way his fingers slid so smoothly through the black locks just proved they were as soft as you’d always suspected, and it was an internal battle to not reach up and let your hands glide through them yourself. His hazel eyes locked with yours with a mischievous gleam, and you were so caught up in the golden brown-green mix that you didn’t even catch the little smirk on his moving lips.

“Hey, sleepyhead, focus.”

“‘S’too early…”

“It’s nine o’clock.” He laughed and dodged the pillow you’d thrown. “Hey, you’re finally twenty-one! We can drink together tonight!”

“Stupid U.S. drinking age…”

He laughed again. Ever since the first time you reconnected with him in that bar last year, he’d always teased you about still being a year too young to drink with him. “C’mon, I’m taking you out today.”

“To drink?”

“Not yet, that happens later. First, I’ve got stuff planned for the next few hours. We’re going to the boardwalk, for old time’s sake.” Out of seemingly nowhere, he grabbed the cute outfit he’d bought for you your first day here and tossed it towards you. “Get dressed, let’s go recreate some memories!” It took everything in you not to stare when he stood up to leave and you realized he was only wearing boxer briefs with his tee-shirt.

Fuck, you were gonna have to drink a lot tonight to forget about that dream…

You had celebrated your birthday with Mat once before, when you were turning ten years old. Even back then, you realized, Mat had always made it his job to hype you up and make sure you had the best day possible.

You woke up on the morning of your tenth birthday to knocking at the back door of your family’s beach house, and when your parents called you to the door he greeted you with a big, bright smile. His smile. A smile like sunshine. “Happy birthday! You hit double digits! We’re doing whatever you want all day!”

That wasn’t entirely true, you knew even as a child. You would’ve been content hanging out with him on the beach and not doing anything birthday related, but what he wanted for you was so much more than what you wanted for yourself.

After hanging out for only a week so far, this boy already wanted the best for you.

“Please, please!” Mat tugged at his mom’s sleeve, whining and begging until he got her attention. He was stubborn but cute, and it wasn’t hard for him to get his way. His mom was talking with yours and watching Mat’s younger sister, and your mom was holding one of your younger siblings in her arms. Both his parents and yours seemed to have their attention on the younger children rather than the two of you, but that was fine because you had each other. “We wanna go to the boardwalk! It’s (Y/N)’s birthday, we wanna do something!”

The parents exchanged glances- finally looking down to you and Mat- and it didn’t take long for them to cave. The boardwalk- with all its carnival games and snacks and beautiful view of the ocean- would be fun for all the kids, they decided.

You and Mat shouted in excitement as you walked hand in hand together, gleeful and carefree, smiling as bright as the sun and pointing at rides you wanted to go on and games you wanted to play. You had the whole day to yourselves, it seemed, even though your parents were only feet behind you, watching the two of you skip next to the ocean, hand in hand and eating ice cream, squealing when it started to melt in the sun and racing each other to finish first before it dripped all over your hands.

They knew how much you cared for each other- it was cute- and if you two were any older it could’ve been a problem, but luckily that wasn’t the case.

If only you could be that carefree and innocent for the rest of your life.

Now, at 21 years old, it was obvious Mat still cared that much for you, and set higher standards for everyone around you than you set for them yourself. He was always the one to correct people if they were wrong about something you wanted or something you ordered, and was the first to tell you when he suspected someone had less than decent intentions at a bar. He always asked if you were having fun when you were all out with friends, and he always kept a watchful eye on you. He always wanted you to be alright. He always wanted everything to be perfect for you.

You were sure he was just taking his place of being the big brother you never had, but part of your hopeless romantic mind- that you constantly shook away- hoped it meant more.

"Oh, woah, I haven't been here in a long time." You watched Mat's cute face as he glanced around, squinting his pretty hazel eyes in the sunshine from beneath his hat. The boardwalk that had been the sight of yours and Mat’s childhood summer all those years ago was a long, wooden walkway, running parallel to the beach and bordered on the other side with food vendors and touristy gift shops, and once you walked far enough, one end was filled with carnival-like games and rides that had been plenty of fun when you were children. "It hasn't changed much since we were kids, has it?"

"No, not really."

“It’s like we stepped back in time.” You watched him reach two fingers up to tuck a loose strand of dark hair into his hat, mesmerized with how gentle his touches were. He had a small, gentle smile on his face, seeming completely at peace and calm. Spending the past few days in the humidity and salty air had his hair all fluffy and just begging you to touch them and he was currently sporting some really cute, short, beachy waves that suited him so well. His skin had tanned gorgeously and you really weren’t sure how you were going to last three more days with him.

Only three more days? You could’ve sworn you just got here. Fuck, time seemed to pass so quickly whenever you were here, whenever you were with Mat. Only need to ignore him for three more days, (Y/N). you thought to yourself. Only three more days, and then you can forget about this silly crush. No use in ruining a great friendship for the sake of some summer fling.

You shook away the thoughts and decided to focus on the moment, to make every second with him count before you were back to work and Mat was back to practice and games and his other friends. “So, what do you have planned for me?”

Mat had been watching you think, wondering what it was that had you scrunching your face up so cutely like that, before he heard the words leave your lips. “Actually, it’s right here. I was searching up things we could do together here and this sounded perfect…” The smile in his voice made you nervous- there was barely a moment with him where he played it safe, and he was never one to back away from challenges, so you could only guess what he had in store. But you didn’t have much time to guess before the roller skate rental booth came into sight.

“No way, Mat.”

“Yep.” He popped the ‘P’, pulling out his wallet. “Remember the first time we met up in that coffee shop, the day after you found me? When you dared me to teach you how to skate?”

You did.

You had been sitting by the window with your drink, giddy and excited over everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. A simple hockey game with your roommate had turned into a reunification with your friend from ten years ago, who had obviously made it big places in his life since then. Despite the joy and relief you felt after finally knowing who he was and knowing he still remembered you, you were nervous about the thought of reconnecting with Mat- what if he was a dick, or tried to hit on you, or was just… different? He certainly couldn’t be the same as he was ten years ago, after all the awards and trophies and high expectations, all the fans wearing his jersey and all the merch with his name on it. That type of attention gets to your head and changes people, doesn’t it? Then Mat sat down across from you, and, at his appearance, you set your phone down and looked up at him with an adorable awestruck smile Mat could still remember to this day. “Holy shit, Mat, I googled you last night.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to seem creepy, but I just figured out one of my childhood best friends turned into this huge NHL star, how could I resist it?”

“Star?” He smiled from where he sat across from you, running a hand through his hair. “Damn, you really shouldn’t have. Now you probably think I’m a pretentious dick. I’m not really that big and famous.”

The way he waved his hand and pushed away any thought that he was this big, grand all star and kept his humility made you smile. “Um, I‘m sure you are. You’re like, a big name in hockey right now, aren’t you? I watched some game highlights of you. I don’t understand a lot about hockey, but I’m pretty sure other people know what they're talking about- like my roommate who brought me to the game last night- and they seemed to be really impressed with you. Apparently you’re only expected to get better, too” He only shrugged, smiling. He knew he was good, sure, but to hear you compliment him like this was making him so unbelievably happy. You were proud of him, and that made a certain nostalgic part of his heart glow.

“Well, I told back then I was gonna make it, didn’t I? Guess I was right.“

“Yeah, you were.” You took a moment to let it sink in that you were here with Mat again, after all these years. And in that moment, it felt like you were ten again, sitting across from Mat and sharing secrets at the picnic table on the beach while your families chatted and made lunch. Time passed by much too quickly, you decided, and you wanted to make every second with him count. “I don’t know how much this means to you- since we barely know each other and all- but I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah? Good.”

“I don’t understand how you can just… well, first of all, skate so damn well and then also do all that fancy stuff with the puck at the same time. The only time I tried to skate, it was bad. Like, really ugly.”

“Oh yeah?” A laugh bubbled from his lips, one that would have your knees shaking had you not been sitting down. “Guess I’ll have to teach you sometime, how about that?” Mat had a flirtatious tone in his voice that made your cheeks warm, very obviously asking you out again, but back then you had either ignored or been oblivious to it, thinking it was only a friendly suggestion.

“I dare you.”

“Ooh, okay, bet. Challenge accepted.”

“Yeah? Good luck, I’m pretty unteachable when it comes to that.”

“I promise, once I’m done with you, you’ll be a star.” He laughed, a playful gleam in his eyes as he added a final sentence. “Just like me.”

“Shit, I did dare you to give me skating lessons, didn’t I?”

“Well, since I can’t exactly teach you to ice skate out here, might as well try this, right? Rollerblades are the closest thing.” He turned to the man behind the counter and handed him the money for the rentals before coming back and handing you your pair.

“So of all the things we could do on my birthday, you decided to put me through misery?”

He laughed at your joking dramatics. “Yeah, absolutely. Tough love, right?”

If someone had told you a year ago that you’d be learning to skate with an NHL star, you would have laughed in their face. You? Skating? That just wasn’t something that happened. But you weren’t gonna lie, ever since the moment Mat promised to teach you, you’d been fantasizing about this moment. Mat’s big hands on your waist, your hips, in your hands, pushing and pulling you along and steadying you so you wouldn’t fall. You, tripping and falling into his chest and laughing with him as he held you up. Making soft eye contact as you leaned up and smiled into a kiss against his lips-

“(Y/N).” You snapped out of your thoughts to look at Mat. Obviously, his legs were accustomed to skating after years and years of playing hockey, and he was already rollerblading in circles in front of you, absolutely amazing at it and completely in his comfort zone. Shit, his legs were so strong and thick and hot… “You can’t exactly learn to skate while sitting there, ya know.”

You caught the glint of amusement in Mat’s hazel eyes and rose to your feet, wobbly and off-balance and already almost falling. “Well then help me out a bit. Not everyone’s a star like you.”

“Not yet.”

His hands fell heavily onto your hips, so big and strong that it seemed as if he could break you with only a touch, and he steadied you against him- body to hard body- until you stopped shaking and were balanced evenly on the ground. Then, his hands slid off of you and he backed away, taking your hands in his. You felt so small, so delicate and fragile compared to him, and the way his hands could easily encase yours made you feel so safe, and you once again found yourself trusting him to do absolutely anything.

“Okay, come on. Just like you’re walking, but…” His words glided over you like honey, thick and smooth in the warm air, and you could barely focus on what he was saying, too caught up in the way it felt to hold his hand and the way he looked down at you and had you weak in the knees. Your mind floated back to your dream last night, still vivid and so, so realistic in your head. The way he touched you, caressed you, the way his thick fingers dug into your hips to tug you closer to him, the way he held your hand and locked eyes with you… “You’re doing good so far.”

“Yeah, until you let go of me.”

“Well, then I guess I just won’t.”

And he didn’t.

The two of you skated and laughed in the sunshine for what felt like forever, and you decided quickly that if you ever needed to go to a happy place in your mind, it would be right here, right now, rollerblading face to face with Mat, his hands holding you steady, his eyes on you as he skated backwards. “You’re doing great, damn, you’re not that hard to teach, actually.” He kept complimenting you, only adding to the red in your cheeks. How dare he go around looking so cute and complimenting you so nicely? He certainly wasn’t helping your growing feelings. Can’t he have just one flaw? Just one deal breaker so this stupid crush could be over with?

Without warning, Mat let go of your hands, leaving you to panic and stumble. “Mat, what the hell!” You grabbed for his arm frantically as you started to lose your balance.

“Just wanted to see how you’d fare on your own. C’mon, I know you can do it without my help.” He left his spot in front of you and came to your side, smiling down at you and delicately peeling your arms off of him.

“No, no at least hold my hand, Mat.”

“Alright. But I'm not pulling you anymore. You’re better than you think.” He wrapped one hand around yours, your forearms resting against each other in a gentle embrace and his face warmed up at the simple contact. Fuck, he would gladly hold your hand forever if he could. If that’s what you wanted. Maybe all this had all just subconsciously been an elaborate plan to allow him to hold your hand. “There you go. See, you’re great!”

“Define great.”

He laughed, and the two of you continued your little trip down the boardwalk. It wasn’t long before you hit the carnival area, where there were rides and games and food stands and prizes to win, and you were quickly reminded how childish Mat could be, as you watched his eyes dart around in glee, pointing out all the different things you could do. “Oooh, you want me to win you a big ass teddy bear?”

“No, Mat.”

“What about a fish?”

“No, Mat, I’m fine! Having you here is enough of a present.”

Mat’s heart almost burst at your little compliment, and he smiled for a moment, his face turning pink. His hand squeezed around yours in acknowledgment, a tiny thank you, an ‘I feel the same way’. ”Why don’t you make it over to that bench without my help and then we’ll rest for a little, alright?” Mat had to physically restrain himself from adding “baby” to the end of his sentence. No, he couldn’t call you that. Not out loud. Not yet.

“Alright, I’ll try.”

Yeah, you were actually pretty good at rollerblading now. Well, not pretty good, but you were good enough to do it by yourself. You just really, really wanted to hold Mat’s hand. “Whew! You’re actually not as bad a student as you told me.” Mat laughed and pulled you into a celebratory hug with a little cheer when you made it to the bench.

“Well, you’re a pretty good teacher, Maty.”

“How about we finish this lesson later? Let’s get you some ice cream as a reward for going through that for my amusement? For old time’s sake?”

“Yeah, I absolutely deserve ice cream. You think you still remember my favorite flavor?.” Mat’s face lit up at the suggestion of a challenge- though you’d been half joking. He was never one to shy away from dares.

“Ooh, okay, bet. Stay here. I’ll get them for us.” Before you could even open your mouth and insist you pay for your share, he was holding up a hand to shut you up. “Yes, I’m paying for you. It’s your birthday, let me treat you.”

“Alright, fine, fine.” You held up your hands in mock surrender. “And don’t worry. I’ll eat whatever flavor you get me, even if it’s wrong.”

“It won’t be wrong. Trust me.”

And oh, you trusted him.

So you sat and stared after him, caught in a trance as he rolled so gracefully to where the line was and watching from a distance at the way his lips moved when he talked- wondering how they would feel against your own, if it would feel the same as it did in your dream- the way they curled up at the ends in a polite little smile when he was handed the two cones. When he finally came back over to you, asking “Did I get it right, (Y/N)?” and watching your reaction, something else caught your eyes: the familiar pink hue of his ice cream.

“Oh my god, Mat!” His face twisted momentarily into a worried expression, but lightened up into a smile when he heard the laughter bubbling onto your lips. “I can’t believe you still get bubblegum ice cream!”

He let out his own laugh, sitting down next to you and handing you your cone. "Hey! Don't diss it 'till you try it!"

"No, I did try it! I tried it because of you, remember?” A vivid memory popped into Mat’s head of the two of you, sitting very close to this exact spot and licking the ice cream off of your hands as it melted in the sun. You had begged him to try it, intrigued by the colorful look and the fact that you’d never heard of this flavor before, and he happily swapped cones with you until your parents realized and scolded the two of you about germs. “I’m just pretty sure you're the only grown man I know who would admit to liking that flavor.”

“Yeah? Well, they just don’t know how fucking delicious it is.”

You smiled at the ground, at how unbelievable it was that you still remembered all these small, seemingly insignificant details about him after so many years. From the first picture you saw of him when you recognized the gleam of his hazel eyes, the way his lips moved when he smiled, to this very moment that had you looking back at the first days of your friendship, you realized you still remembered things about him that you couldn’t even remember about your closest friends. His favorite flavor of ice cream, every little nervous tick, the way he constantly fidgeted his hands and scratched his face, every little quirk of his. “It’s actually been a while since I had that, you know.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I have to remind you what it tastes like.”

“Maybe you do.”

“Only if you let me try yours again.”

So Mat extended his arm for you and you extended yours, and the way you locked eyes with a mischievous smile before licking each other’s ice cream cones felt way, way too intimate for what was just a simple cute gesture that you’d done as kids.

Some things never change, but your feelings sure do.

The walk back home was fun- as everything was when Mat was there- fun and nostalgic. Your conversation focused mainly on the summer you met, how much fun you had, and how much you changed. You’d never been one to celebrate your birthday, not with a party anyway, but obviously, Mat wanted more for you than you wanted for yourself, so the second you stepped back into the house, smiling and laughing, mid-conversation with Mat, you were startled.

“Surprise!”

“Holy shit.”

The house had been decorated- it was simple, but still memorable- with generic birthday decorations and balloons, much like the party you’d had at ten years old, when the only person you could celebrate with was Mat. Your family was standing around the table, where there were chips, ice cream, cake and- of course- alcohol. You glanced over at Mat, who had that classic, cheeky grin across his face. Of course he would.

“Happy twenty-first!”

“Come on, birthday girl!” Your dad lit the candles on the cake. “Come make a wish.”

And wish you did. You closed your eyes and let out a breath and you wished for Mat’s hands in yours, Mat’s lips on yours, Mat’s body against yours, Mat’s heart loving yours. You wished for Mat.

“Alright, are you guys gonna let me drink today or what?”

Your family laughed as they dug into the cake and motioned to the alcoholic drinks set out on the table and you picked up a random bottle- some sort of flavored vodka?- but Mat came up from where he had been lingering behind you and took the drink out of your hands. “Let me mix something up for you that’s actually tasty, alright? You want your first time to be a good one, right?”

You tried to ignore the shiver that crept up your spine at his words, and having him so close behind you. “Ooh, you know how to mix drinks? A man of many talents.”

“Well, I know a few.” He gathered up some ingredient that you were sure he sent your parents to get while the two of you were gone. “I can make you something that tastes good, but if you drink enough it will have you fucked up beyond recognition by tonight. If you’re okay with that, anyway.”

You laughed. You were never the type to get fucked up drunk, but Mat made you brave, he made you adventurous, so why not? Anyway, you had spent the entire day lingering on the memories of your dream last night and blushing at whatever he did, so you needed to forget about this stupid crush and loosen up around him again. “Alrighty, Barzal. Fuck me up."

“I promise.”

Mat felt so nervous about getting you drunk tonight. Sure, it’s your twenty-first birthday and you were asking him to and he couldn’t wait to see what you were like drunk, but he also knew part of him was going to feel so guilty the next morning when you were hungover, and he didn’t want anything to happen to you. So he promised himself he was going to stay sober and keep an eye on you at all times tonight and make sure you’re alright. What kind of a friend would he be otherwise?

As Mat got to work mixing up a drink for you and shooed you out of the kitchen with a piece of birthday cake, you sat down on the back porch with your mom, looking out to the ocean and eating your cake in silence as she flipped through a book.

“That Mathew is quite the boy.”

“He is.”

“He’s always been this sweet to you, hasn’t he? Since you were nine.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty great.”

“You like him?” You glanced over to where your mom was smirking at you from her chair and heaved out a frustrated groan.

“Mom, I can be friends with a guy without being in love with them, you know.” And yeah, you could have male friends without being in love with them, but… Mat was an exception to that. He was the one male friend that you had less than platonic feelings for. Not that you’d admit it to her.

“Alright, alright.” She held up her hands in mock surrender and laughed. “But I’m just saying-”

“Mom, don’t-”

“-He’s much nicer to you than any of your past boyfriends were.” You went silent then, and you knew your mom had won the conversation. Yeah, Mat was better to you than any of your exes. Whether that was saying something about how bad your exes were of how good Mat is, you couldn’t be sure. No, your exes hadn’t been that bad. “I wonder if Mat would like to see these photos.”

“What photos?” You glanced over to what she was looking at and finally noticed the photo album from 2008. “Woah, look at us!”

There on the page in front of you were four of the many pictures of you and Mat as children. Obviously you had been the closest of friends, as there were hardly any pictures of either of you alone that summer. If you were there, Mat was there, and if Mat was there, you were there. That’s how it had gone that week. How your parents had ever managed to separate the two of you at the end of the week to drive home was beyond you. Your eyes lingered for a moment longer and the picture of the two of you standing in front of the sandcastle you’d built on the first day you met. Mat’s arm was over your shoulder, and yours over his, and he was smiling that same smile he had today, the one that was impossible to not smile back to. You felt as if you had been sucked back in time, and didn’t realize you were staring at the picture until you heard the door open and close.

“I got your drink.”

“Mat, you gotta look at these with me!” Your mom got up to leave the two of you alone, and you didn’t miss the smirk on her face before she disappeared into the house.

“No way, that’s us?” Mat sat down next to you, way, way too close for friends, practically pressing against your side. “We’re so young.”

“Yeah.”

“Damn. We were really close, huh?” And you were really close right now, too, sitting with your arms and thighs touching, half of his chest against your back. You scooted to the side a bit to make more room for him, but he stayed where he was, leaning over your shoulder to look at the pictures. “We’re still pretty close, aren’t we? I mean, in the last year or so we’ve really reconnected. I’d say you’re one of my best friends now.”

Best friends, best friends, best friends. That’s all you were, and that’s all you would stay. But that was alright with you, as long as you could still see him every day. “Aww, Mat. You’re not allowed to make me emotional on my birthday!”

“Sorry, sorry.” He smiled and had your heart fluttering in your chest. “Hey, hey, try your drink.” He handed you the glass and watched with a smile as you tasted it. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, it is actually. Is there even any alcohol in this? I can barely taste it.”

“Oh, yeah. After this, you’ll definitely be getting tipsy, trust me.”

“Great, thank you so much, Maty. But can we go on a walk when that happens? I don’t need my family to have blackmail of me.”

He laughed again, tossing a big arm over your shoulders and looking back to the pictures. “Anything for you.”

A few hours later, after the obligatory singing of the “Happy Birthday'' song and after you had eaten your pizza delivery for dinner, when you were sipping slowly on your second drink and were beginning to feel it, you and Mat walked down to the beach together, comfortable in the peaceful quietness that settled between you. Something you loved about Mat from the first day you met him was how there was never an awkward moment with him. No matter who you were, he always made you feel welcome and accepted and smiled and urged you on gently even as you stumbled over your words, his attention never leaving you. He always made you feel like you were the only person in the world, and you were grateful.

“Today was fun.”

“Party doesn’t start until you can’t walk straight, right?” Mat laughed, but deep inside he wasn’t sure he was ready to see you drunk. Before he could question why you wanted to get drunk so bad, or if there was something you wanted to get your mind off of, a small round object fell in front of his field of vision and a dog jumped up at him. “Oh, holy shit!”

“It’s not over yet. You haven’t even finished your second drink.”

“You’re right.” You giggled a little bit. “I can still walk in a straight line, so I’m not drunk enough.”

He heard you laugh next to him and his heart calmed down. “Don’t like dogs, Barzal?”

“I don’t…. dislike dogs.” He leaned down to pet it almost politely, like the way you would smile at a stranger when making eye contact with them on the street. “It just came up out of nowhere. Spooked me.”

“Yeah, alright. Spooked you.” You had no idea how this dog could look threatening to anybody- it was a small dog, but not a small dog like a chihuahua or anything, it was a golden retriever puppy and it was all fluffy and smiling it’s little puppy smile with big dark eyes. It was so cute. You knelt down to pet the dog and coo to it in a baby voice, and Mat’s heart almost melted at the sight.

“Hey, sorry!” The two of you looked up to see a young man- around your age- rushing down from a group of people hanging out on the beach. He leaned down to pick up the puppy, and Mat leaned down to grab the ball that had landed in front of the two of you.

“That’s fine! What’s your dog’s name?”

“Ah, this is Pippy! She’s about three months old!”

“Aww, she’s so cute!”

Mat hated the pang of jealousy he felt. He didn’t want to feel this way over a fucking dog, but he wished you looked at him the same way you were looking at that puppy right now. As Mat handed the ball back to him, he couldn’t help but glance up the beach and recognize what they had been playing. “Spikeball?”

“Yeah.” Before he turned around to head back up to his friends, he hesitated. “Actually, do you guys want to join in? My teammate’s getting tired of playing, so I could use another guy.”

“Yeah? What d’you think?” Mat glanced down at you as if asking permission. It was your birthday, after all.

“Well, I’m not any good at it.”

“Oh don’t worry.” The guy assured you. “None of us are.”

“Alright, sure. You have alcohol up there?”

“Oh yeah, Definitely.”

Before your worries could make you hesitate to join this group of strangers, you and Mat were exchanging names with your new, temporary friends. Normally, you couldn’t just immerse yourself within a group out of nowhere, so it was amazing how simple it was to make friends when the alcohol was making you braver. It was loud and hot and exciting when you played on Mat’s team, every now and then bumping into each other and laughing, cheeks burning and hearts heavy at the contact. The sun went down and darkness rolled in, and you had taken a break from playing and sat back on the sand with three other girls around the fire, sipping on a new drink- your last of the night, as you were definitely out of it now- and watching the boys.

“Nothing like watching the boys play, huh?” One of the girls spoke up from beside you, nudging your side. “Where’d you get a guy like that?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, girl!” Another spoke up, laughing a bit. “If you don’t mind me saying- Mat is so. Freaking. Hot. Like, hot damn. You’re so lucky.”

Oh. Oh, they thought Mat was your boyfriend. Your face heated up- no, scratch that. It was already flushed because of all the alcohol, and you looked up to where Mat was, shirtless and golden in the light of the fire, a radiant smile on his face as he competed with the other guys. You watched as his body stretched up in a little jump to hit the ball over to his partner, and took the moment to admire the way his muscles moved, trying to imagine how he would feel on you- on your body, your waist, your mouth, your core--

When you first started drinking tonight, it was in a desperate last attempt to get Mat off of your mind. To get yourself to loosen up a bit around him and not feel so flustered and shy whenever he was near. Maybe you thought it would make you forget him, but you were certainly wrong, because all the feelings you had before had only been heightened a hundred times since you started drinking, and now Mat was the only thing on your mind. This only thing you could focus on properly. In fact, the alcohol had opened the floodgates of lewd ideas and images of you and Mat that you had previously tried to keep locked away in a far part of your brain. This was your friend, you didn’t want to be thinking these things. But fuck it was so hard not to when he looked like that and acted like that and treated you like that.

“Yeah, he’s fucking hot alright.”

“I bet he’s packin’ too, right?”

You didn’t say yes or no to that, but the way your face split into a wide grin at the thought of what was beneath those shorts was enough to convince the girls you knew and had them whooping and cheering with laughter. In your drunken state, maybe you didn't realize you probably shouldn't be talking about your best friend's dick- which you hadn't even fully seen- but you really didn't care. "Yeah, the best dick out there."

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to dark, hot places. You’d definitely seen Mat in his underwear one or two times during your friendship, and had totally seen a dick print or outline here or there. So from what you could see of him… he must feel fucking good. His big hands gripping you, his fingers, his lips… his soft hair falling down against your stomach, his thighs. Everything about him made you hot and bothered. So you sat there, your cheeks hot and your body throbbing at just the mere idea of what he could do to you. The dream from last night popped into your head, the way, he held you so good, so tight, the way his fingers dug into your hips and pulled you in, the way he filled you up so good and had you crying out for more. It may have only been a dream, but fuck, it felt so real.

It was at this moment that Mat looked over from where he was standing to check up on you and saw you drunkenly smiling up at him from across the fire, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the state you were in. He turned back to the guys and motioned back to you. “Right, I think we should get going now.”

“Alright, it was fun!” And then, catching a glimpse of you stumbling to your feet behind Mat, they laughed. “Take care of your girlfriend, looks like she has a few too many tonight.”

Mat’s heart fluttered in his chest. ‘Your girlfriend. Your girlfriend. Your girlfriend.’ He could listen to people calling you his girlfriend forever. It suited you so well- he suited you so well. He would have sat and watched you and let his mind wander, but it was getting late, and he’d promised to have you home before midnight., so his only job right now was to keep you safe. So he was over by your side in seconds, not hesitating to secure an arm around your waist to steady you.

“C’mon, (Y/N).”

“Be safe you guys!”

Mat smiled as the two of you left your little group and headed back up the beach towards home. Wow, they thought you were dating. The two of you passed as boyfriend and girlfriend to strangers, and he didn’t even bother to correct them. Oh, god. He was so fucking ruined for you.

“You look good tonight, Mat.”

You wrapped your arms around his middle and stumbled into him, pressing your face into his side. Usually, Mat loved affection from you, but now, it felt wrong. He wanted you to hug him, he wanted you to be affectionate with him, but he wanted it when you were sober. He wanted you to be aware of what you were doing, and he didn’t want you to regret it the next morning. “Yeah? Thanks. You look nice too, even if you’re a little plastered.”

“Thanks, Matyyyyy.” Mat couldn’t help but laugh at how cute you were while drunk. “You always look nice, though. No matter what you’re wearing. Maybe you don’t even need to wear clothes. You’re always hot.” Hot. You thought he was hot. Yeah, Mat might have already known he was pretty good looking, but to hear you call him hot meant a lot to him. But… he just wished you weren’t drunk right now. He wished you were choosing to call him hot. Mat was silent for a little while, contemplating your words and trying to figure out what to reply with, when you stumbled and tripped through the sand, obviously too fucked to even walk straight by now, and Mat held you tighter to steady you again.

“God, your parents are gonna be pissed with me for getting you so wasted.”

“Ehh, fuck what they think! I just wanna have fun with youuu.” He smiled at your words and laughed as you hiccuped a little bit. "I had a dream about you last night. It was reaaaaally interesting."

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” The alcohol was messing with your senses, and it took only a moment for you to make the decision- the wrong decision- to open up about your dream. “It was hot. You were naked; we were naked. And we were goin’ at it, ya know? We were really goin’ at it.” Mat’s heart stopped, his breath hitched in his throat, and heat flooded through his body. You definitely didn’t mean to tell him that. You’d definitely regret that in the morning. He was definitely going to think of that tonight. “Oh no! You look worried! Don’t worry, you were really good!! Like, really good!”

“Okay, okay. Why don’t you wait till tomorrow to tell me?” He hushed you. As much as he wanted to know how that dream panned out, he also wanted to help you keep some of your dignity.

“I’m gonna forget tomorrow thooouuugh.” A comfortable silence fell over the two of you, and Mat took the moments to try and steady his heart. “You know, Maty, there’s still one birthday gift I haven’t gotten from you.”

“What’s that?”

Before he could do anything else, you were stopping him in his tracks and reaching up to ball your fist into the collar of the unbuttoned shirt he had thrown on, pulling him down to you. He- like a fool- followed you easily, thinking you were trying to whisper something in his ear, but realized much too late that that wasn’t what you were trying to do. Much to Mat’s horror, you pressed your mouth against his- and, even worse, it felt so nice, so perfect. He had waited for months for this exact moment, and though your lips were soft and sweet against his and even more than he could have ever dreamed of, they still tasted like the drinks he had made for you, and your movements were messy and drunken.

Oh fuck, this was what he wanted, and he wanted it so, so bad, so it took everything he had in him to pull his focus away from the way your mouth felt against his, and way your fingers were gripping his hair, and push you back. He took the moment to hold you at arm's length, his hands on your wrists, and his eyebrows creased in thought as he took in the sight of your breathless little smile and glazed over eyes. You looked so happy to have kissed him, but he knew it was only the alcohol.

“Alright, let’s get you home.”

And with that, everything was back to normal as you walked together back to the house with his arm still comfortably around your shoulders. Normal. Could you ever really go back to being normal after this? You had kissed him. Mat had just been kissed by one of his best friends, and he loved it. Fuck, the two of you lasted four days together here without ruining your friendship, but now what? Where could you go from here? Was this the end of a friendship, or the beginning of something even better? Would you even remember this in the morning, or would it be something that Mat had to carry for the rest of your friendship? Had he made it awkward now? Would your family find out? Had he just ruined the vacation?

Mat couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through his mind on the walk back to the house, but there was one constant question that just wouldn't leave:

Why the fuck couldn’t you have just kissed him when you were sober?

#mat barzal #op #nhl fic #fic #smile like sunshine #mathew barzal #hockey fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #mat barzal imagine

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cordria · 4 years

Text

Gloves

Jack Fenton sat down in the uncomfortable chair, his bulk moving slowly and carefully to avoid scaring the girl sitting on the other chair. There was something odd about her, the way she held herself, the little glances out of the corner of her eye, the way her hair didn’t quite fall right. Jack couldn’t quite stop himself from cataloging all the little differences about her, even as he tried to stop himself and see her as just a girl. A girl in need of help. “Hi,” he said, keeping his voice gentle.

“Hello,” she said.

Jack opened his mouth to say something more, but nothing came out. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He let his mouth close again, his lips twisting in frustration. There was certainly plenty that needed to be said.

“Why are you here?” the girl asked, her thin fingers digging into the cushion of the chair. Although her knuckles turned white with the pressure, the stiff vinyl didn’t seem to notice the effort her hands were putting in.

“I like Seattle,” Jack said. “Nice city. Always wanted to do the haunted tour…” He trailed off, wondering if bringing up ghosts was, perhaps, a bad idea.

She scoffed. “Seattle’s not haunted.” The IV machine she was hooked up to beeped loudly, and the girl flinched. She studied it for a moment before sighing and sinking back against the hard chair. “That’s not what I meant. I called Danny, not you.”

“Danny couldn’t come.” Jack sort of fudged the truth. Danny could come. Danny had come. But not being 18 yet, the hospital didn’t particularly care what Danny had to say in the matter, requiring Jack’s presence. “I’m here to help.”

“I don’t want your help,” she said, shoulders crunching up around her ears.

Jack shrugged, falling silent, watching the girl glare around the small room. He had only the briefest of explanations as to who this girl was - a genetic malfunction, an aberration, a splintered example of a not-quite-human - and he understood almost none of it. His gaze fell to his bag, and he reached down, pulled out his latest needlework project, and quietly got to work. Jazz had said to do that when he was at a loss for words. She’d thought it might be helpful.

It was nearly twenty minutes of silence, the girl watching him slowly work through his project, before she spoke. “What is that?”

“It’s going to be a quilt,” Jack said, turning the scrap of fabric so she could see a bit better. “All the different types of ghosts from stories around the world. This one’s a banshee. Sits under windows and cries and screams, usually associated with someone dying.”

She studied it. “You’re… pretty good at that.”

“Lots of practice,” Jack said with a shrug.

“You don’t seem like… like a guy that would do something like that. Art stuff.”

“It’s calming and good for the mind,” Jack said, tying off the string and picking out a new color. “Jazz got me started on it years and years ago. I’m hoping to have the whole thing done by August, so I can put it in the county fair.” He chuckled. “I won’t win, not compared to the artwork of other people, but it’ll be nice to finish a project.”

Her eyes were blue, just like Danny’s. But there was a shadowed, haunted feel to them - and a blankness that hurt Jack’s heart.

Perhaps Danny was right. Maybe Maddie should have come instead.

The IV machine beeped again, and this time a nurse knocked and entered the room. “Hello,” he said, walking over to check the machine. “The battery on your IV is getting low. Gotta plug it in.” He smiled at her, holding out a hand. “Back to the bed, please.”

The girl sighed, but reached out for the assistance. She was unstable and barely able to hold her own weight. It was only a few steps, but Jack had to bite back the offer to carry her. She settled against the bed - too skinny, too broken, too empty - and laid her head on the pillow.

Jack was quiet as the nurse fussed for a few minutes, plugging in the IV machine, taking her blood pressure and temperature, setting the blanket over her legs.

Then he turned to Jack. “Parent?” he asked.

Jack wondered how to answer that. He set down his needlework, dug a paper out of his bag, and held it out. It was fake, of course; there were no real legal documents in the world for her. But the stamp was real, and the judge’s signature was real, and that was enough. “Legal guardian, for now.”

The girl on the bed flinched.

The nurse glanced at the papers. “As of yesterday, huh?” he asked. “Nice to meet you, Mr Fenton. Wanna chat in the hall?”

Jack leveraged himself out of the chair and followed the man into the hallway. “She’s going to be okay?” he asked.

“Eventually,” the nurse said, walking him to a quiet alcove. “How do you know her?”

“She’s a relation,” Jack said, trying to avoid being specific. “Her and my son are very close, although I haven’t had any real contact with her yet. She called him two days ago and we’ve been figuring out how to best help her.”

The nurse nodded. “She was found in a park, unconscious. Came in massively dehydrated, malnourished.” The nurse glanced around, his voice quiet. “She’s not saying much, but she definitely hasn’t been treated right.”

Jack frowned.

“I’ll send the doctor along, but it doesn’t seem like there’s anything permanently wrong with her, physically anyways. Really fragile mentally.” The nurse frowned. “The police have been around a few times to chat with her. Don’t think she’s said much to them. She’s in for a long road.”

Jack glanced over his shoulder, through the cracked-open door. She was picking at her sheets, staring at the sky through the window of the room. She looked so small. Twelve years old. Her third year of being twelve, if Danny’s explanation was right. And she’d be twelve until her broken body stopped working, whether that was next week, or five years from now, or ten, or twenty. “Anything else I should know?”

“Gentle, slow, careful. She’s a nice girl, when you can get her to talk. I’ll be around every fifteen minutes or so, checking on her.”

“Can she have visitors?”

The nurse hesitated, but then nodded slowly. “If there’s one or two people you think would do her good, I can’t see how that would hurt.”

“My son will probably scale the outer walls and sneak through the window if you try to keep him out any longer,” Jack said with a smile. “He’s worried out of his mind about her. He can probably get her to talk like nobody else.”

“Sounds great. You let me know if she needs anything,” he said.

Jack stood in the hallway for a long minute, trying to decide what he would say. From what little Danny had told him, the girl had been literally programmed to hate him. Created, somehow, in a lab from a mix of Danny’s genetic material, donor tissue from the corpse of a dead girl, and a ghost. Created and programmed, like a computer, for a task - to be used and then thrown away.

He walked closer, standing in the door, frowning at how little of the bed her frame took up. Her arms were too skinny against the hospital blanket - almost skin and bone. Whoever had created her had certainly not taken care of her.

She noticed his gaze, turning to study him with those sunken, haunted blue eyes. “You don’t have to be here,” she said.

Jack hummed, walked in, and dropped back down into his chair. The vinyl squeaked. “I want to be.”

“Because Danny told you to.” She sounded sullen. “It’s okay to hate me, you know.”

“I don’t hate you,” Jack said, surprised at the thought. Where had she decided that he hated her? What had he done to make her think that?

“I hate you,” she shot back, eyes narrowing. She leaned forwards a little. Little sparks of green shone against the blue.

Jack shrugged. “Join the club,” he murmured. He rested his arm on the bed, but drew away when she flinched away from him.

“I don’t want you to touch me,” she snapped, clearly uncomfortable.

He nodded and kept his arms to himself, careful to keep his arms to the small armrests. “I plan on sticking around, just so you know. And Danny’s planning on stopping again by after school.” He picked up his needlepoint, studying the messy shadowing job he’d done with a frown.

“Again?” came her soft voice after a minute of silence.

“He was here… day before yesterday,” Jack said, squinting at the banshee’s arm and trying to decide the easiest way to fix it. “You were out cold, and the hospital wouldn’t look twice at a 17 year old. Came and got me instead.”

“He told you who I am, right?”

“Yup.” Then Jack shrugged a half-shoulder. “Okay, a little. Getting anything out of Danny is only slightly easier than storming Fort Knox.” He grinned at her. “I got that you’re important to him, and that you’re family, and that I can help. That’s enough.”

“I’m a monster, you know that,” she said.

Jack pointed at his needlepoint. “This is a monster. You look like a scared young woman in need of some help. Maybe you’re not as human as me, but that doesn’t make you a monster.”

She bristled, but didn’t respond.

Jack let the quiet last for a few minutes, slowly fixing the bad shadowing on his banshee.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” she said.

He glanced at her. She’d drawn her knees up to her chest, and was hugging them close. She looked lost and broken, and somehow even smaller and younger than before. “I don’t want anything from you,” he said, confused.

She frowned.

“Danny said you wouldn’t trust me,” Jack said, deliberately keeping his gaze on his needlepoint. Jazz had been correct in packing it for him - it did seem much easier for the girl to talk when he wasn’t staring at her. “But you can, you know. Jazz has already cleaned out her bedroom for you, and Danny-”

“Bedroom?” she asked.

Jack blinked at her. “Room. With a bed in it.”

She scowled. “I know what a bedroom is-” she cut herself off, like she was going to say something more. She let out a breath through her nose. “You make it sound like I’m coming to live with you.”

“You are!” Jack grinned. “See, we got the legal-”

“I’m not coming to live with you,” the girl snapped. “We’ve been over this. I hate you. I don’t trust you. Why should I live with you?”

Jack twisted his mouth into a half-frown, turning his eyes back to his needlepoint. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“Take off your gloves.”

Jack hesitated. He didn’t take off his gloves. “Why?”

“Because I’m a monster. I’m contaminated. I’m broken, and seeping radioactive liquid, and, and, and I can hurt you just by touching you.” Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see her eyes burning a toxic, horrible green. “And I want you to take off your gloves.”

He watched the way the light gleamed off the black glove, slowly twisting his fingers. He didn’t take off his gloves. He just didn’t. Since learning how contaminated Danny was, Jack had even gone to great lengths to not touch his own son.

But Jack knew, in the depths of his being, that Danny wasn’t a monster. And neither was this girl. Yes, she could hurt him with just a touch. But...

Slowly, he took off one of his gloves. His skin was extremely pale, fingers a bit wrinkled from the moisture inside the gloves. His fingernails were in need of clipping. He flexed his fingers and ran them over the intricate stitching of his needlepoint, feeling details he couldn’t through the gloves.

Then he held out his hand to her.

#dannymay2020 #not-at-all quick writing #this could have gone somewhere cool i know it #but i just... couldn't get it there #it refused #i've been trying for two days #i'm calling it quits and leaving it like this

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ellewritesathing · 4 years

Text

(Un)Requited - I.L IV

Summary: Isaac Lahey had gone through many twists and turns in his life, but none of them compared to the whiplash he got when you asked him to tutor you. With a few weeks until the end of the semester and the big dance coming up, he’s hoping to figure out a way to ask you to go with him before it’s too late.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 4

Word-count: 3.4k+

A/N: i’m still working on the last part of this fic so i’ll probably only update again in a week or two!! sorry guys 💕

Things between you and Isaac had been weird ever since he walked away from you that day on the lacrosse field. His jokes were delivered a little more awkwardly, your laughter was a few seconds shorter, and whenever it felt like the tension was starting to dissipate, your phone would light up and Stiles’ name would be on your screen. Isaac hated it.

He hated the anger he carried around in his chest all the time. He hated how jealous he was of Stiles. Most of all, he hated that his relationship with you was fucked because he couldn’t get over a stupid crush. Sure, it was a crush he’d had since he was ten, but it was just a crush. He shouldn’t have let it, for lack of a better word, crush him like this.

Isaac was busy shoving some books into his overpopulated locker when he felt a very familiar tap on his shoulder.

When he turned, you were beaming at him with such warmth and familiarity that Isaac forgot that things were weird between you for a second. “Guess what.” Your voice barely contained your excitement.

“Greenberg walked into a locker again?” Isaac asked, deliberately stalling to keep you around him a bit longer.

You laughed and shoved his arm playfully. “No, silly.” You made the booklet of paper in your hands dance and pressed it into his hands. Your hands were cool to the touch. Probably guessing that he was paying more attention to the physical contact than whatever was on the paper, you pointed to the top corner of the page and said, “Look!”

Isaac repressed a laugh but he still smiled at you before looking down at the paper. It was an algebra test with a B+ in big, red block letters and an extra credit assignment with a perfect score. “No way!” Isaac grinned and pulled you into a hug. “See, I told you that you could do it!”

Your arms wrapped around his waist and you laughed into his chest. Slowly, you looked up at him and tapped his chest lightly. “Yeah, but I never could have done it without you,” you said.

For a moment, it was like the whole world slowed down, leaving you and Isaac alone in the quiet hallway. Isaac almost could have sworn your heart was beating as fast as his was, but that wouldn’t make any sense. There was no reason for your heart to beat faster because of Isaac.

But Stiles showed up before Isaac had a chance to figure out why your heart was beating like that and you pulled away.

“Hey.” He drew the word out in that annoying voice of his. Stiles was unusually easy-going considering that he hated Isaac and he was dating you, and the two of you had been tangled up not even a moment before. “What are we celebrating?”

You'd pulled away from Isaac so that you were only holding onto him with one hand, just barely around his lower back, as you handed Stiles your test. “I’m almost an A student. You know, I’m thinking of changing my career goals from trophy wife to mathematician.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You could totally be a trophy wife and a mathematician,” Stiles said with an aggravating smile. He was so good at saying stuff like that that it drove Isaac up a wall.

You laughed and pretended to be offended as you grabbed your test back. You let go of Isaac to harass Stiles but you soon enough you were laughing and nestling yourself under Stiles’ arm. His fingers interlaced with yours easily as you said something equally charming and witty to him.

“Yeah, yeah.” Stiles rolled his eyes and smiled at you. His thumb grazed yours as he tilted his head down, almost bumping his forehead into your head. “You sure I can’t convince you to grab lunch with me and Scott? We could ditch Scott.”

You let out a self-conscious laugh and ducked your head. “As tempting as that offer is…” you untangled yourself from Stiles and took a step back from him. “Isaac and I have a date with some suits.”

Not that kind of date, Isaac reminded himself as he gave Stiles his best attempt at a friendly smile. Judging by Stiles’ reaction, it came out as more of a grimace.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Stiles scratched the side of his face. “Cutting the dance prep a little short, aren’t you?”

Isaac straightened up and tried to get the venom out of his voice. “Yeah, well, we had some unexpected interruptions. You don’t mind though, right?”

“Absolutely not,” Stiles said, not sounding defensive, exactly, but definitely not as easy-going as before. He looked over at you and squeezed your hand as he said something about catching up with you later.

You took a deep breath and ran your hand through your hair as Stiles disappeared into the sea of hormonal teenagers. “So-” you stepped closer to Isaac and gave him a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Ready to go?”

If Isaac was honest, he’d tell you that the absolute last thing he ever wanted to do was go shopping for a suit that he didn’t want to wear to a dance he didn’t care about, but he couldn’t be honest with you - not about his feelings, and not about this dance - because you were trying.

Isaac wanted to try, too. He really did, but Isaac's problem was that he wasn’t as good as you. Then again no one was as good as you, but still. Isaac had to try or he’d lose you again.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” The closing of Isaac’s locker punctuated his lie better than his smiling grimace ever could.

If you noticed his bad mood - which might have been difficult considering how Isaac was almost always in a bad mood these days - you were nice enough not to mention it as the two of you made your way through the school to the parking lot. Instead, you told him more about your classes and how Greenberg did, in fact, walk into a locker earlier that day.

There was an anxious lilt to your voice as you talked about your English paper that Isaac didn’t recognize. Sure, he’d seen you be nervous before tests and that first day in the hallway, but this was different. That had been unsure while this was second-guessing. That had been butterflies, and this was a sinking feeling.

Isaac couldn’t wrap his head around what could have been making you anxious. You were happy about your grades, you’d been excited about your parents leaving you home alone so they could check on Alex for the weekend, and you had Stiles. With all that, plus the dance coming up, you shouldn’t have been anxious.

And yet there you were, mumbling curse words under your breath when people cut you off on the road and hiding a frown behind a tight smile as you pulled into a parking space.

You killed the engine and sighed as you turned to Isaac. “Hey, so I’ve gotta tell you something about Stiles-”

“Why are we outside a thrift store?” Isaac asked as he peered through the windscreen.

The store was cute. Bright sunflowers painted next to yellow letters that swirled together to spell ‘Anne’s Next to New Clothing and Trinkets.’ A white table with a flower arrangement and some of the aforementioned trinkets. Through the window, Isaac could make out a little girl trying on about a dozen necklaces while her dad apologized to the person behind the counter. Cute, but it didn’t make sense.

Isaac turned to look at you when he realized that he’d interrupted you and you probably thought he was the most self-absorbed idiot in the world. You were staring at him with wide eyes as if to prove his point.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Your surprise melted into a nervous laugh and you dropped your gaze for a moment. When you looked back at him, your smile had softened into something smaller, something more genuine. “Since our mall trip ended so badly, I thought we could try something else.”

Isaac gave you a lazy smile and nodded his head to the store. “Something next to new?”

You scrunched up your face and groaned, putting your face in your hands. “Ugh, this was a dumb idea, wasn’t it? We can leave. Give me a sec to pull out-”

“No. No, that’s not what I meant-” Isaac reached over to grab your hands before he realized what he was doing. With one touch, it was like you erased the entire world that existed outside your car. It was just you, Isaac, and a whole bunch of electricity. “I just meant,” he said quietly, “that it was really nice of you to do this for me. I’m not really used to people doing nice things for me.”

“Well, get used to it because I’m not going anywhere,” you told him. Your words were quiet but your smile was playful. “Come on.” You tilted your head to the door and pulled away.

Isaac tried to get his heart to beat normally again as your door clicked open and thumped close behind you. He took two deep, steady breaths, then shook his head and met you at the front of your car.

You rocked back and forth on your heels as you waited for him. With a nervous smile, you led Isaac inside. The bell chimed as you opened the door, ringing in Isaac’s head as you greeted the cashier, and Isaac went on the awkward defensive again. He ran his hands along the swaths of fabric as the two of you made your way through the store. Felt, polyester, cotton, and wool greeted his fingertips until Isaac stopped in the formalwear section.

Old dresses mixed with a bizarre assortment of wedding attire and four suits, two with three pieces and each a different color to the last. Isaac took his eyes off the suits to find you trying to hide your glances at him. Isaac didn’t bother to hide his amusement at your secrecy.

“What?” You laughed when you caught Isaac waiting for you to steal another look at him. You tucked some hair behind your ear without thinking about it.

Isaac smiled, stifling another laugh. “I didn’t say anything.”

“No, but you want to.” You looked at Isaac with an expression he couldn’t place. Friendly, playful, but just as he tried putting a better word to it, you looked away. Turning your attention to a gray suit, you waved Isaac over. “What do you think of this one?”

Isaac sighed as he made his way over and tilted his head to get a better look at the suit. “I mean, it’s not terrible,” Isaac said, running his hands up the lapel.

You laughed and bumped your arm into Isaac’s. “Well, high praise for this one aside,” you teased, “maybe we should find something a notch above ‘not terrible’ for the big night.”

“Whatever you say,” Isaac said with a smile. The one suit was a baby blue, which instantly struck it out of Isaac’s book and left him with two black options. Boring, yes, but that’s what made them safe.

Nevertheless, you ushered Isaac into the changing room with his two boring suits and made him promise to take his time so you could try and pick something out for yourself. The thought of you waiting for him made Isaac’s stomach lurch, but he still promised to give each suit a fair chance.

The first suit was a slightly snug; not awful looking, but not the most comfortable. If Isaac was going to be wearing this thing all night in a crowd full of sweaty teenagers, then he was going to need something with a little more breathing room for his inevitable panic attack.

So, shoving away the thoughts of how ridiculous this whole thing was, Isaac changed into the other suit. The button-up was missing a few buttons but he could sew new ones with minimal effort. It fit better than the other one had and didn’t cut off his air supply. Plus, the waistcoat somehow made him look less like a scrawny kid playing dress-up and more like someone who actually had it together.

Looking at himself in this suit, Isaac could imagine himself as the kind of guy you’d have feelings for. Not a guy like Stiles because that would make him throw up, but someone charming. Maybe even eloquent. The kind of guy that didn’t live in his older brother’s shadow or own three different copies of Persuasion (one was a library book he forgot to return, one had been his mom’s, and the other just had a nicer cover than the rest).

In this suit, Isaac had a nicer cover than he usually did.

Realizing that he’d probably spent like five minutes just staring at himself and twisting one of the broken buttons, Isaac raced to get changed. He threw the suit to the side and jumped into his jeans and pulled on his baggy gray t-shirt. Isaac was in the process of pulling on his hoodie and forcing the suit back onto its hanger when he stepped out of the changing room and almost knocked you off your feet.

Reflexively, Isaac grabbed you to keep you from falling over. He stammered out several apologies as his heart exploded, but all you did was laugh.

“It’s okay, promise,” you said with a smile. You held onto Isaac as you got back to your feet. After several seconds of awkward silence, you asked, “So did either of them come out ‘not terrible?’”

“Uh, yeah.” Isaac held out the crumpled suit to you. “This one’s not so bad.”

“Not so bad,” you echoed, taking the suit from Isaac and smoothing it out. “We’ll take it!”

Isaac couldn’t help but laugh. You were adorable and very, very far out of his league. Still, he hung up the rejected suit and met you at the counter to pay.

He was so preoccupied with thoughts of accidentally injuring you that he didn’t notice that you’d already bought something. When Isaac asked about it over celebratory frozen yogurt, all you said was that you needed something for the dance, too.

---

Isaac had never been someone with high hopes. He’d given up on anticipating the future ever since he was thrown into a grave and turned into a werewolf; but, still, he found himself with some very unrealistic expectations of how the dance would go. Chief of which being that you’d ditch Stiles and confess your undying love to Isaac.

Actually, not ‘undying’ love because the universe might take that as a sign to make you immortal or something, and that kind of information wasn’t something Isaac thought he could recover from.

His other expectations, supernatural dilemma aside, were to get through the night without bleeding and to, maybe, hopefully, get to dance with you before leaving early.

Two very simple hopes that went unfilled.

First, Stiles was an asshole and hung around you the whole night. His presence made it impossible for Isaac to talk to you about anything other than the decorations and, if that wasn’t annoying enough, Stiles barely even looked at you. You didn’t mind and Erica didn’t even seem to notice his staring, but Isaac noticed. Isaac minded.

Seeing as it was unlikely that any declaration of love, undying or not, was going to made with Stiles Fucking Stilinski jumping around like a kid on a sugar high, Isaac excused himself to get something to drink and maybe punch a wall. You seemed disappointed - not at the wall punching, because Isaac didn’t mention that, but at his leaving. Still, you let him go with a smile nonetheless.

Isaac smiled, too. It felt like all he’d been doing the whole night was smiling, even when you gave him your sympathies about Erica not being his date. He was going to explain everything to you right then and there when Stiles had shown up with his stupid hair and frustrating jokes.

The punch had a sharp, bitter taste that wasn’t there at the beginning of the night and Isaac pulled a face. His dislike of alcohol wasn’t because he was worried about getting drunk (his supernatural metabolism made sure that was never a possibility), but because he just didn’t like the taste. Thanks to his dad, he’d been around the stuff long enough for it to lose its appeal.

Dumping his glass in a potted plant, Isaac turned back to survey the gym. He’d just spotted you in the crowd when Erica and Boyd materialized on either side of him. Erica grabbed his now empty cup and threw it to the side.

“Hey!” Isaac whined.

“We have to go,” she said in her black and blue voice. “Derek needs us.”

Of course, he did. Heaven forbid Isaac had one night free from Hale drama. “Right now?”

“Right now,” Boyd repeated. “The hunters are making their move and Derek says there’s another wolf pack. He can’t take them all by himself. Sorry, man.”

Erica put her hands on Isaac’s shoulders and steered him towards the dance floor. “So go tell your sweetheart that there’s a family emergency and meet us outside, okay?” She shoved him into the floor before Isaac had the chance to argue.

Isaac wasn’t sure where you came from, but you caught him before he landed on his ass, at least. Your face was full of concern as you helped Isaac stand back up and asked what was going on.

Casting a look over his shoulder, Isaac couldn’t find Erica or Boyd. They were already on the move and Isaac didn’t have time to explain everything. “I’ve gotta go,” Isaac interrupted you. He let out a breath as he turned back to you. Then, with a painful smile, he added, “Family emergency.”

“Oh,” you said. You blinked hard as you thought of something else to say. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, Erica and Boyd are already outside,” Isaac said. It was hard for him to focus on you over the sound of the music and his beating heart. “I, uh- I’ve had a lot of fun with you these past few weeks. Thanks.”

You nodded, looking down at your intertwined hands for a second. You gave his hands a squeeze. “Me too,” you said. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Monday,” Isaac lied with a bittersweet smile. He decided, since he was most likely going to be killed in the woods in seventeen minutes anyway, to do something that he’d never dreamed possible.

Letting go of your hands, Isaac stepped forward and kissed your cheek. He disappeared before you had the chance to say anything.

If the night had ended there, it wouldn’t have mattered much that none of Isaac’s hopes had been met because at least he’d gotten to kiss your cheek. The problem was that, like most nights, it didn’t end when Isaac wanted it to.

The night kept going, and Isaac got shot with arrows and electrocuted with arrows and mauled by some out of control werewolves. He’d lost Erica and Boyd somewhere in the chaos and he’d never even found Derek to begin with. The night kept going, and Isaac was bloody and alone.

He couldn’t go back to the loft, purely because he wasn’t strong enough to make it there. He had no idea where the root cellar was. The night kept going, and Isaac was bleeding out with nowhere to turn.

Still, he ran.

Isaac had survived so much in his short time on this goddamn bitch of an earth, and he wasn’t about to give up because his spleen had ruptured or because he had no idea where he was. No, Isaac ran because - despite everything - he wanted to live.

He ran and ran until he eventually found something familiar. Unluckily, it wasn’t the hospital or the animal clinic but your house. Isaac would have kept running if he thought his leg could make it, but he knew they couldn’t.

So, Isaac made the agonizing journey up to your front door. He rang the bell. You’d just opened the door, and all Isaac managed to get out was: “I didn’t know where else to go.”

And then he collapsed.

Part 5

Tagged: @lettherebelovex @britty443 @ietss @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @chocolate-raspberries @jellybelly-jones @f1nal-g1rl

#i watch teen wolf for the plot #teen wolf #(un)requited #isaac lahey imagine #isaac lahey #isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey fanfiction

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stxrrywildflower · 4 years

Text

home

pairing - spencer reid x reader

warning - mentions of blood and other injuries, faint ptsd

summary - you go on an undercover mission after orders from strauss. two months later, you return

word count - ?

you stepped into a bau while sighing softly to yourself. it was a normal day for everyone else but for you, it would be your last day at work for a least a month.

close to three weeks ago, strauss had called you and hotch into a meeting. while leaving, you glanced at your team who all displayed nervous expressions. usually meetings with strauss were never good. one walking in, you noticed two men. one about hotch’s age and one around your age.

“strauss,” you greeted with a handshake as hotch did the same.

“agents y/l/n and hotchner, this is agent daniel cruz and section chief newman from our san francisco branch. please, take a seat,” she introduced. you and hotch glanced at eachother before taking a seat.

“i have been in contact with various section chiefs about a possible human trafficking ring out west. we aren’t sure how large of an operation is occurring but we need to put a stop to it. not before we get the proper evidence, however,” strauss informed.

“ma’am with all due respect, yes that is a very serious issue but how does this involve us?” you asked timidly.

strauss looked over at you. “well agent y/l/n, hotchner is your superior which is why we need him present. as for you, chief newmen and i have decided to put you and agent cruz as undercover agents out on one of the suspected farms in wyoming.” this hit you hard. an undercover mission? we’re you even prepared for that?

hotch opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. “ah agent hotchner, this has already been decided. y/n and daniel fit the part the best due to their young looks. we are trying to keep this as quiet as possible so try not to let it out.”

and with that, you and hotch stepped out of the room and went back into the bullpen. over the course of the three weeks, you had gotten to know daniel or danny better. he was married with a young daughter and was stationed in san francisco. you also learned your part and trained. you were a college student who was studying sciences and were taking a semester to go study out west on a farm surrounded by various forms of plants and animals. that way you could get close to the family and see what was happening.

one night you were with spencer at his apartment with the intention of spending the night. he wasn’t sure why you had been so closed off but had his suspicions. you on the other hand had wanted to spend time with him before you left.

“alright what’s going on,” spencer spoke as he shut off the tv and turned to you. you just stared at him confused. he gave you one more look and you caved.

“strauss assigned me a case. i leave in a week and a half but i can’t talk about the specific details,” you revealed. spencer nodded, suddenly understanding. you were then pulled into a tight hug. “let’s just savor the time we have together,” he mumbled.

the memory made you smile to yourself as you stepped through the glass doors and into the bullpen. “woah, new haircut? hotch isn’t going to like that,” you heard morgan’s voice coming from behind you. once turning around, to see morgan. behind him were j.j. and emily making coffee, each displaying a shocked expression.

“not by choice,” you grimaced, subconsciously going up to touch your hair. it’s true, in order to look the part, you had cut your hair to a bit above shoulder length, gave yourself a middle part, and dyed it pastel pink. strauss had told you it was ‘perfect for the part’ and dismissed you.

after that quick conversation, you made your way up to hotch’s office, not before glancing over to spencer who gave you a resuring smile. you knocked slightly on the closed door of hotch’s office. after hearing a faint “come in!” you opened the door. inside was hotch and rossi going over a case file.

“oh i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to interrupt. hotch, do you have it?” you asked.

hotch nodded before moving to reach under his desk and pull out a box. rossi’s eyes widened. “you’re going undercover?” he asked. you and hotch looked over at him after you were given the box. “how’d you know?”

“all agents who ever go undercover have to put their stuff in a box just like that one. i’ve seen quite a few,” rossi exclaimed. “i leave in an hour,” you informed him.

“good luck kiddo, see you soon,” rossi smiled before grabbing the files and stepping out of the office and into his own.

“so this is goodbye?” you asked hotch, a sad undertone to your words. hotch nodded slightly. “well it’s not a goodbye because you are coming back but technically this is the official goodbye. i will see you off to the airport though,” he informed.

you placed the box down on the seat and frowned. hotch had practically become a father figure in your life and despite your knowledge of life, as cliche as it sounded, he always taugh you more. “hug goodbye?” you whispered, tears slightly forming in your eyes. hotch stepped from around your desk and pulled you into a hug.

“i’ll inform the team of your whereabouts after you leave. but know that this isn’t goodbye y/n, i fully expect to see you back in that conference room sometime soon,” hotch spoke after stepping away. you grabbed the box, smiled once more, and moved out of the office and over to your desk.

after sitting across from spencer, you ignored the stairs from your team members and focused on your boyfriend across from you. “hey,” you said, starting a conversation. “hey,” spencer replied. he knew you were leaving today and would need to pack up.

you looked away and began placing the essential items in the box. your desk was to stay the way it was but certain items would need to remain in hotch’s office.

first was your cellphone. on the farm you would have no contact via phone but would be able to send at max, two letters. second was your main gun that rested on your hip and your secondary gun that was for emergencies. those went into the box with extra care. finally was your badge. obviously this host family would have to believe that you and danny were only college students and not undercover fbi agents. after bringing the box to hotch, who met you halfway, you sat back at your desk and started a conversation with spencer, trying to calm your nerves.

time flew by and it was time to leave. hotch stepped into the bullpen and looked in your direction. “ready to go?” he asked. you nodded, glancing around at your teammates, smiling slightly at each of them. before following hotch to the car, you walked over to spencer and kissed him gently on the lips, ignoring morgan’s whistles in the background.

“i love you,” you whispered in his ear.

“i love you more,” he replied.

you stepped away and began to follow hotch, not looking back. your suitcase of clothes and backpack filled with various textbooks and other notebooks was already in the car. stepping into the cool d.c. air, you glanced around one more time at the bau building. you were ready.

_______

the mission was a success. you and danny had spent your time in wyoming, mainly couped up in your shared room but also doing ‘work’ on the farm.

while the expected time was only supposed to be a month, towards the end the family got suspicious. this resulted in you both being cut off from sending letters and forced to stay another month. a month away from home turned into two which killed you.

the family was arrested and the ring was put to a stop. you and danny had packed up and went to the airport. he would be flying back to california to be checked out and see his family while you were going back to d.c. the two of you hugged goodbye before boarding your separate flights. you two promised to stay in constant contact.

landing home at 2am didn’t help your exhaustion both physically and mentally. immediately after landing, you were taken to a hospital. the various cuts and bruises on your body were treated as well as your broken ribs and injured knee. an iv with nutrients was placed in your arm to repair your malnourished state. you had also passed out for 10 hours. once waking up, you were cleared to go. an agent who worked with strauss came to pick you up and bring you to the bau where you could finally see your team.

in order to go in, you had to be finger printed as a result of not having your badge. it didn’t help that you didn’t look like yourself at all. however, you went through security and into an elevator which would take you to the sixth floor.

the first one you encountered was hotch. he had been walking down the hallway outside of the bullpen looking at a case file. after glancing up, he did a double take and took in your appearance.

you were a lot skinnier. the family had greatly reduced the amount of food you were given. however, the nutrients you were given were helping with that. second, your hair was a lot longer. it was past your shoulders, with the pink fading and your natural hair color coming in at the roots. finally was your injuries. you had a knee brace on, bandages on cuts, and you were clutching your ribs.

hotch closed the files and walked over to you. you accepted the hug and placed your head on his shoulder. “it’s good to have you back,” he told you. the next was rossi who also hugged you, calling you a sweet name in italian and expressing his happiness for having you back. garcia was after that. she had gasped when she saw you before gushing over anything and everything.

j.j. and emily saw you after garcia. both had hugged you. you were silent through the whole thing but accepted the hug from your practically sisters.

“where’s spencer?” you asked j.j.

“he’s out at lunch with morgan, should be back soon,” emily piped in.

“bau team? a word in the conference room,” hotch called into the bullpen causing everyone’s heads to turn. j.j. wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you up the stairs with your injured knee.

“i just wanted to speak to you all. obviously y/n has returned from her mission which had gone very well. things should be going back to normal now with our full team back together. y/n i’m not going to pressure you but is there anything you want to add?” hotch asked.

you looked up at the team. “i’m really lucky to be alive,” you started, “once the family found out that we were fbi, danny and i were almost killed. and i’m just happy that i’m here now standing with all of you. well most of you,” you revealed.

it was at that moment that you noticed the glass door of the bau bullpen open up. inside walked morgan and spencer who were laughing about something. instantly, you were up and out of the chair you were sitting in, practically hobbling out the door and down the catwalk. spencer glanced up at you, stopping in his tracks.

“y/n,” you heard him softly call.

spencer rushed over and up the steps, meeting you halfway. he pulled you into a tight but also gentle hug, careful of any injuries he was unaware of. after a kiss to the forehead, he pulled away. you moved your hands to his cheeks and smiled slightly.

“your home,” he commented.

“yeah, i’m home,” you finalized.

#spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid #criminal minds #derek morgan

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ankhisms · 3 years

Text

the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot

the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!

1. planning

honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of

these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.

two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun

for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night

2. creating

this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.

after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.

once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!

3. posting

i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more

ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!

thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all

#showyourprocess #beep beep its a txt

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grantyort · 4 years

Photo

Prelude IV: Relight

Post-Surgery: DAY ONE

[Sean sits in the hospital bed, legs crossed, staring into space when he hears a familiar voice.]

Joey: Sean, Sean Diaz? Well damn. I never thought I’d see your sorry ass again!

Sean: Geez Joey. Is that how you talk to all your patients?

Joey: Just the ones I like.

[Sean chuckles]

Joey: C’mere big man.

[Joey gives Sean a big bear hug]

Sean: How’ve you been Joey?

Joey: Can’t complain. These days, they got me up in hospice care. You’re probably the first person I’ve seen today that didn’t need their bedpans changed.

Sean: Sounds terrible.

Joey: It’s all not all bad. Lot of these folks have stories that you wouldn’t believe. One of my patients has lived through five wars and two depressions, tells me I’m a credit to my race.

Sean: Yeesh.

Joey: (shrugs) She means well. It’s almost flattering compared to some of the stuff I’ve heard. Been on this job almost ten years now, some people still treat me like I have no idea what I’m doing.

Sean: That sucks Joey.

Joey: Yeah... Anyway, you seem to be doing pretty well for yourself. From what I heard, this procedure cost a small fortune. You must have friends in high places.

Sean: Yeah, something like that.

Joey: And no guard at the door this time. I assume everything got cleared up with the police? Not planning to make a break for it again are ya?

Sean: Nah, no daring escapes this time.

Joey: Good. I don’t think I’d survive another blow to the head.

Sean: Listen Joey I’m really sorry-

Joey: (laughs) Relax Sean! I’m just messing with you! It’s ancient history as far as I’m concerned. Say, did you ever end up finding that brother of yours?

Sean: Yeah. He’s actually coming to visit me tomorrow.

Joey: Can’t wait to meet him!

Sean: Famous last words.

Joey: So… what you been up to these days?

Sean: Mostly just cramming for the SATs, drawing, listening to music. Normal teenage shit.

Joey: That’s good to hear. I was worried about you man. You went AWOL after the hospital. I got police and Feds breathing down my neck for weeks. Then a month later, I hear about a couple of kids trying the border to Mexico on the news.

Sean: Sorry I never reached out. I just didn’t want to get you more involved than you already were-

Joey: You made the right call. They questioned me for hours. My apartment was filled with G-men, my girlfriend was freaked. I honestly thought she was going to dump my ass.

Sean: I’m really sorry Joey.

Joey: Don’t sweat it Sean, it was for a good cause. Besides, everything worked out in the end.

Sean: Yeah I noticed, how long have you been-

Joey: Almost a year now. We’re expecting our first baby in the summer.

Sean: Congratulations dude!

Joey: Thanks, but honestly, I’m kinda nervous, don’t think I’m ready to be a father.

Sean: You’ll be a great dad, Joey. You’re awesome at taking care of people.

Joey: You’re damn right. Speaking of which, we should probably take a look at that eye of yours.

[Joey takes off the bandage and gives Sean’s eye a thorough examination]

Joey: Well it looks a helluva lot better than the last time I saw it.

Sean: That’s good to hear. I wasn’t sure it would work.

Joey: Well it’s too early to say if your vision will fully recover. But at the very least you won’t have to walk around with a patch anymore.

Sean: Good. It’s hard enough finding a prom date let alone one that’s willing to go with a pirate.

Joey: Still with the pirate jokes huh? Hopefully, you’ll have to write some new material after this.

[Joey applies a new bandage on Sean’s eye]

Joey: And you’re all set. Now as much as I love our talks, I gotta make my rounds. Buzz me if you need me.

Sean: Later Joey.

Joey: See ya tomorrow Sean.

[Joey leaves the room. Sean turns to look out the window. The door shoots open, and a small figure comes bursting in.]

Daniel: Sean!

[He jumps onto the bed and into Sean’s arms]

Stephen: (out-of-breath) Sorry, I tried to stop him, but he outran me.

Sean: You okay Stephen?

Stephen: I am… just need a minute to catch my breath. The old ticker ain’t what it used to be- I need to sit down.

Daniel: Take it easy grandpa.

Sean: What are you doing here, enano? I wasn’t expecting you guys until tomorrow.

Daniel: I made grandpa book an earlier flight. I just couldn’t wait!

[he hugs Sean again]

Sean: Haha easy. I just had surgery, remember?

Daniel: Oh right, s-sorry.

[There’s a brief flash, followed by a shutter click]

Sean: What’re you doing, gramps?

Stephen: Oh nothing, just commemorating the moment. Thanks to your brother, I finally got the hang of this newfangled smartphone camera.

Daniel (whispering): He had it stuck on selfie mode for days. Anyway, did it go? Is your eye…

Sean: I mean… it’s not 100% yet but I can sort of see again.

Daniel: T-that’s awesome! Can I see it?

Sean: Dude last time I showed you my eye, you almost cried. Besides, the doctors say I still need to keep the bandage on for a bit, while it heals.

Daniel: Right. That makes sense. Oooh this room looks cool. Do they have Netflix or a Playbox?

Sean: It’s a hospital, dude.

Daniel: Lame.

Sean: So catch me up. Did I miss anything interesting at home?

Daniel: Nah… Chris is still on that fishing trip with his dad so there’s no one to hang out with. Oh I almost forgot. He made you this card. Isn’t it awesome?

[Daniel gives Sean a hand-drawn “get-well-soon” card from Chris]

Sean: Yeah. It’s pretty cool. We can have Claire put it up when we get back.

Daniel: Grandma’s still in that feud with the lady from church.

Sean: Which one was that again?

Daniel: Agnes, the one who gives off major Lisbeth-vibes. She says grandma stole her casserole recipe for the church bake-sale. Lying bitch.

Stephen: Language!

Sean: Maybe one of us should try to smooth things over before it gets nasty.

Stephen: Hell hath no fury… lemme tell ya. I’ve been married to your grandmother long enough to know once that woman sets her mind on something… there’s no stopping her. Best to just let things run their course.

Sean: Claire can get a little… passionate sometimes. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen her lose her temper for real.

Stephen: There’s a fire in that woman. It’s part of the reason I married her. Just pray she never turns it on you. I hope I’ll never live to see that day, god willing.

[Sean notices Daniel circling the hospital bed, pressing his hand on various parts of the mattress]

Sean: (laughs) What are you doing, enano?

Daniel: Just trying to figure which side of the bed I want to sleep on tonight.

Sean: Dude. There’s no way this bed’s gonna fit both of us.

Daniel: The one in Mom’s trailer was way smaller!

Sean: Yeah well… you were a lot smaller back then.

Stephen: They have a nice area for visitors down the hall.

Daniel: But I want to stay with Sean!

Sean: I guess I could ask Joey to bring in a couch or something.

Daniel: Who’s Joey?

Sean: The nurse who took care of me after the accident. I told you about him, remember?

Daniel: Oh right! I can’t wait to meet him!

DAY TWO

Joey: How are we doing today? Any headaches, dizziness, socket pain?

Sean: Nah it’s all good. Still getting used to having depth perception again. It’s kinda weird.

Joey: You’ll get used to it. Anything else to report?

Sean: Nothing major. I’ve just been having some really weird dreams.

Joey: We have a psychiatrist on-site if you need a professional to talk to.

Sean: Nah it’s alright, probably just the drugs messing with my brain.

Joey: Well your vitals look good. We’ll go over some basic tests. You know the drill.

(Sean covers his right eye and tries to read the chart. Joey then shines a light and asks him to follow along. Finally, he asks Sean to put the cap back on the pen.)

Joey: You passed with flying colors. The doctor will be in for a final exam tomorrow and then we can discharge you.

Sean: (sarcastically) Too bad, I was ready to become the first Mexican pirate to attend college. So much for being a trailblazer.

Joey: Good to see you haven’t lost that snarky-ass sense of humor.

Joey: Anyway, I’m taking my lunch now. Want me to get you anything from the cafeteria? Wait… don’t tell me. Chocolate pecan?

Sean: You know it.

Joey: I met your brother in the hall. Cute kid.

Sean: (deadpans) Give it a few days. Then see if you get a “second opinion.”

Joey: He does seem a little… “energetic”. But that’s normal for kids his age.

Sean: Yeah one minute I’m his favorite person in the world. The next, he’s off doing God knows what, and doesn’t want me “bossing him around”. You know how it is.

Joey: Can’t say I do. Grew up in a house with three older sisters. Guess I must have been the annoying one. Daniel’s lucky to have you looking out for him. Must be tough sometimes.

Sean: Oh you have no idea.

[Joey claps Sean’s shoulder, he feels a jolt shooting up his spine, everything goes white]

(Sean sees a door marked: “Miranda A. Connolly, Hospital Director”)

Connolly: You’ve been a valuable asset to this hospital. Stellar feedback from all of your patients and attendings.

Joey: I sense a “but” coming.

Connolly: But, given the dubious circumstances surrounding your transfer and your past involvement with the law. The Board thinks it might be better for one of the other nurses to take this spot.

Joey: Please. I’ve got a kid on the way. We just bought our first house. Can you at least consider bumping up my pay? I haven’t gotten a real raise since I started here. There are kids coming out of nursing school that make what I make!

Connolly: The hospital has limited resources as it is, and the State just slashed our funding again. I just can’t justify raising anyone’s salary right now.

Joey: I break my back for this hospital, work extra shifts, get to know the patients. You promised me at the annual review that I’d-

Connolly: That was before this new information came to light. I’m sorry Joseph, maybe next year.

[Sean snaps out of his trance]

Joey: Sean? Sean are you okay?

Sean: Sorry, Guess I spaced out. Must just be the medication.

Joey: I can have the doctor come by and adjust your dosage.

Sean: I’m fine Joey. I swear. Weren’t you about to take lunch?

Joey: Oh right. We’ll pick this up later.

[Joey leaves the room, looking slightly puzzled.]

Sean: (thinking) W-what what was that? A dream? But It felt so… real.

[Sean takes out his phone and enters the name of the hospital, He finds their website. Under the ‘About’ section he scrolls to the Executive team bio. There is a photo of the woman he saw in the vision followed by a small blurb]

“Miranda A. Connolly is the President and Chief Director of Mt. Cedar General Hospital. She was appointed back in 2016 as Associate Director and has since made ground-breaking changes to the field of medicine and medical care. Under her leadership, this hospital was able to expand greatly, hiring new diverse staff members and vastly improving quality of care for all its patients.”

Sean: (thinking) Holy shit… it’s real. Does that mean I…?

Daniel: Hey Sean! What you looking at?

Sean: Dude! Don’t sneak up on me like that!

Daniel: I wasn’t sneaking. I was practicing my stealth!

Sean: Yeah sure.

Daniel: Are you looking at the new Playbox Pro? My birthday is right around the corner you know.

Sean: Birthday? It’s still January!

Daniel: Never too early to start preparing.

Sean: (rolling eyes) Yeah cuz everything’s always about you.

Daniel: Oooh I bet you were watching those dirty videos again. I’m tellin’ grandpa!

Sean: Hey hands off my phone you little-

[Daniel tries to grab Sean’s phone. Sean wrests his hand away. There is another a jolt]

[Daniel stands in front of the vending machine, staring at the jumbo chock-o-crisp. He looks around to check that the coast is clear. Then he waves his hand causing the chock-o-crisp to fall off the rack and into the dispenser slot.He gleefully retrieves it and devours the candy bar in a matter of seconds]

Sean: Dude, I told you not to eat any more chock-o-crisps! Do you want another trip to the dentist?

Daniel: What are you talking about? I haven’t had one in weeks!

Sean: Yeah sure. So you didn’t pig out at the vending machine before coming in here?

Daniel: How did you-

Sean: Maybe I have magic powers or maybe… you’ve still got crumbs on your collar.

Daniel: Aw, damn it. Promise you won’t tell grandpa.

Sean: Oh so you can tell on me but I can’t tell on you?

Daniel: (smugly) Exactly.

Sean: C’mere ya little shit!

Daniel: Sean stop! Ha that tickles. Quit it!

(After their little bout, Daniel curls up next to Sean, resting his head on Sean’s lap. Sean ruffles Daniel’s hair absentmindedly)

Sean: You ever wish you were… you know “normal” again?

Daniel: You mean not have my powers? Nah. They’re a part of me now. Besides, being normal is overrated.

Sean: (chuckles) I guess it is. But do you ever get that feeling like you thought you wanted something for a really long time but when you finally get it, it nothing like you thought it’d be?

Daniel: Uhhh… you mean like how I begged grandma to get me a PlayBox Live Subscription, but then the exclusives turned out to be shit? And now I have to act like I love it?

Sean: Yeah something like that.

Daniel: (yawns) Meh I’ll just ask for a gaming PC for my birthday.

Sean: Dude you’re like the greediest ten year-old I know.

Daniel: How many ten year-olds do you know?

Sean: Uh… just you and Chris.

Daniel: So, you want me to be more like Chris?

Sean: Wouldn’t hurt.

Daniel: (imitating Chris) “Only the purest of hearts may wield the power of Captain Spirit!”

Sean: Guess that rules you out.

Daniel: (playfully) Shut up.

DAY THREE

Doctor: Okay Mr.Diaz. I want you to follow the light. Look to your right, up and to the right. Good, good, excellent pupil response. Now look at the chart, cover your right eye and read this line.

Sean: Uh… A, O, E, P… T? Sorry I can’t really make out the last one.

Doctor: That’s okay, it takes time.

Doctor: Now this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I recommend that you wear a patch over your right eye. It’ll be temporary of course, just until you learn to see with your left eye again.

Sean: (laughs dryly) And here I thought my seafaring days were behind me.

Doctor: You know… pirate actually wore patches so their eyes could easily adjust to the darkness and see below deck- Sorry my son’s going through a pirate phase.

Sean: I know the feeling. My little brother’s been through every phase imaginable.

Doctor: Kids, you gotta treasure every moment. Because before you know it, they’ll be all grown up, ready to go off on their own. Look at me, rambling on. Anyway, I signed your discharged papers. They’ll schedule you for some outpatient care in the coming months.You’re almost ready to go.

Sean: Sounds good.

Doctor: And you’re sure you don’t want to get do something about that nasty scar? A good-looking kid like you, it would be a shame to-

Sean: That’s okay, I think I’ll keep it… as a reminder.

Doctor: Alright but if you ever change your mind, I could refer you to a great plastic surgeon.

Sean: Thanks Doc, for everything.

Doctor: The pleasure’s all mine, Mr.Diaz. The groundwork we laid here could help hundreds of other patients in the future. We are making history. Your nurse should be along in a moment to help you get discharged.

[Sean sits in quiet contemplation. Reflecting on his dreams and new “vision”]

Sean (thinking): Be careful what you wish for...

Joey: Looks like everything’s good to go. Remember to use your eye-drops-

Sean: Twice a day. Yeah Joey, I know.

Joey: Guess it’s goodbye again. Don’t be a stranger this time okay?

Sean: I won’t.

Joey: Here’s my number. Call me if ever need professional advice or just want to shoot the shit.

Sean: Thanks Joey. Let me know how everything goes with the baby.

Joey: Oh don’t you worry about that. Soon I’ll be blowing up your phone with pictures.

Sean: Haha can’t wait.

Joey: Now hospital policy says I gotta wheel your ass outta here. For liability reasons.

Sean: At least it’ll be a smoother exit than last time.

Joey: (laughs) Get in the chair smart-ass.

Beaver Creek, One Week Later

Sean: Okay, you ready?

Daniel: (takes deep breath) Alright. Show it to me.

Sean: So… how does it look?

Daniel: Looks… normal.

Sean: You almost sound disappointed. Were you expecting a bionic eye or something?

Daniel: No. I just… it looks good. I like the scar; makes you look extra tough.

Sean: You think so?

Daniel: Yeah… totally badass!

Sean: Thanks, enano.

Daniel: You need a new codename, like Scarred Wolf or Deadshot Diaz!

Sean: Let’s leave the nicknames up to Chris.

Daniel: Hey! I make up awesome names too!

Sean: Whatever you say,“Superwolf”

#life is strange 2 #life is strange #sean diaz #daniel diaz #captain spirit #chris eriksen #stephen reynolds #lis2 #captain spirit ww #joey peterson

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pbandjesse · 3 years

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Today was a better day. I am still dealing with my weird listless and directionless feeling. But I did better with it today. I felt better. I am getting better about using my time. Even if I did end up on the couch a lot today.

I slept a lot better last night. I know that was a big part of it. And James had made me an omelet before they left so I had a nice breakfast. I got dressed and while I didn't feel awesome, I felt okay.

I didmy styling and paid some bills. I would head out pretty early. But I was honestly just a little upset.

I was fine and then James got back from their bike ride and inform me that they messed up some dates and we are going camping at the same time they had tickets for a football game. And they didn't seem to worried, but they wouldn't just say what the plan was. Because if we went on Sunday and did the whole trip and they didn't get to go to their game I would feel super guilty. But if we didn't go on Sunday I would feel a little cheated. But after a few hours of back and forth with Evan and Noelle it was decided we would leave early on Monday and do the things we planned for Monday before we went to the actual camp site. Which saved some time with not backtracking ot the town and it will honestly be okay. Everyone is going to have fun. Even if we lose one night of sleeping there. It will still be fun.

But it was weighing heavily on me while I was out. I tried to not let it get to me but it was hard. I just listened to my podcast and enjoyed looking at the Halloween things at Target. I was trying hard to feel alright.

I got myself a little bag for camp. I love my two leather bags but they can be a little fussy for hiking and I don't always want to wear my backpack. So this little bag was pretty perfect. And its a pretty nice color.

I got a few other little things. And then went to the craft store to get the thing I was actually out for.

I looked at all the scrap books but honestly didn't like any of them. I don't want one so big! And they were $40?? So instead I got a cute little blank page sketchbook and some washitape. I also have stickers and markers and pens. I also got a great deal on these poles for hanging lights for the party. On clearance for $5!! Amazing.

I was ready to go home though. I was kind of hungry but we actually have lots of things I can just grab and eat and that is perfect for me.

So I came home. I had a nice little lunch. It was a little to hot but I was in a better place.

I would do a little cleaning. A little resting. I changed the sheets and took the cover off our couch to be cleaned. Its funny seeing the purple couch again. I am very pleased with the Halloween color bed we have now. I was in a good mood.

I would lay down and just chill. I sorted my bags. I did some internet stuff. I cut my prints I made this week and packaged them. I printed up their poems. I started making some plans and ideas for a larger project I want to do.

Its a little nerve wracking making a large scale 2D project! I always say I don't draw so having this idea is really great. Also its just very out of my normal wheelhouse so its nice to have a plan.

I would take an early shoewr. Wash my hair. Use my new conditioner which smells excellent. And Ive been chilling since then. I had some food. I tried not to be overheated. I have watched a lot of videos. It has been a good night. And now James is done work and we are chilling on the couch eating pesto pasta.

I hope you all have a great night tonight. Take care of yourselves. Goodnight!!

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haltandcatchfiretothemax · 3 years

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FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2021 #5: In which Donna’s wish is Cameron’s command

[CN: food, eating mentions, and descriptions of food displays]

After Donna asked her if she might consider putting up Valentine’s Day decorations for February of 2021, Cameron went directly into research mode. She didn’t plan to admit it to Donna, but Cameron felt like a holiday decor project was exactly what she needed. From the comfort of the living room couch, Cameron began her hunt for useful information on her laptop.

She became frustrated much more quickly than she thought she would. Eyebrows scrunching behind the frames of her reading glasses, Cameron griped, “Okay so the first problem here, is that the origin of Valentine’s Day isn’t anywhere near as compelling as the origin of Halloween, or ghost stories. I mean, a Christian martyr? Really?” Wrinkling her nose skeptically, she scrolled further down the webpage she was on, and said, “Not only am I not moved by his story or his proselytizing, but none of this has anything to do with love or couples or even fertility or family!” Clicking back to the search engine page, she said, “The second problem is that doing research used to be satisfying, but now it sucks. And it’s all because of the internet. We ruined everything with the internet and search, Donna.”

Donna, sitting several feet away on their recliner, looked up from her crossword puzzle. “So, no decorations then?”

Cameron sighed. “I didn’t say that. I just think that I’m gonna have to take a different approach. The literal origins of the holiday are not the angle for this particular project.” Quietly, she switched over to researching the origins of the commercial version of the holiday. “Maybe,” she said to herself, “a more aesthetic-based approach?” She looked up at Donna, and said, “Do you mind if I turn on the tv and stream something? I was thinking about putting on the more recent Picnic at Hanging Rock.”

“Oh, that’s perfect! That literally starts on Valentine’s Day!” Donna enthused. “We should sit down and rewatch it sometime in the next couple weeks!” Then, calming herself down, she added, “But sure, go ahead. Whatever your research requires,” Donna smiled at her.

Cameron picked up the remote, turned on the television, searched for the show, found it, and started the first episode. She went back to looking at her computer, and searched for basic decor ideas. After a few minutes, she said, “The third problem is that traditional Valentine’s decorations are just, like, red. Like really, extremely red.”

“What’s wrong with red?” Donna pouted.

“Nothing, but I just don’t feel like it really goes with the whole ‘I throw stones and I live in glass houses because I’m a modern woman who has it all!’ thing you have going on in here?”

“Hey, it’s your house, too!” Donna chuckled. “You have a point, though.”

Defiantly, Cameron said, “That’s okay. I will figure something out. My wife asked me to decorate for Valentine’s Day, and I don’t plan to let her down.”

Cameron spent the next morning sorting through their collection of fall and winter holiday decorations, and pulled out items to be repurposed, and wound up looking through their other supplies for inspiration. In the afternoon, she was back on the computer, searching this time for items to buy. Sitting at the kitchen island, Cameron sighed heavily. “I wish…” she started. She sighed again, and said, “I really wish that we could just go to a craft store and wander through it for hours.”

Donna, who has sitting across from her, and scrolling through one of her social media feeds, looked up, and snorted, “What, so you could complain about how everything looks ugly and cheap under the fluorescent lights, only to then buy a ton of it, take it home, and then somehow make it look beautiful and amazing?”

“Yes,” Cameron replied. “Exactly.” It took over an hour, and much agonizing, but eventually, she made her selections, entered her billing information, and closed her browser. She managed to stay offline for the rest of the day.

Early the next morning, Cameron asked Donna, “A great big outdoor garden store, that should be like…relatively safe to go to, right? As long as we wear our masks and gloves? And we go early?” Donna didn’t have to be asked twice. They got dressed, and arrived at their favorite garden store a few minutes after it opened. Cameron hurriedly bought a large quantity of potted violets and a bunch of metal flower pots before hustling Donna back to the safety of their car.

Over the next few days Cameron began to work on crafting, baking, and candymaking, as deliveries of her ordered craft supplies started to trickle in. (She compulsively wiped every new item down with disinfectant out of an abundance of anxiety and caution.) By the next weekend, she had everything she thought she needed. On the first Saturday of the month, a week before Valentine’s Day, she gathered everything that she’d amassed so far in the dining room.

She set the last of several boxes down on the table, and Donna, who was drinking a second cup of coffee, looked up just in time to see Cameron tying her bandana around her head like a headband. The bandana, which had accompanied Cameron all the way from Tokyo, was white, and it had the red circle of the Japanese flag, or the Hinomaru, on it. On both sides of the red circle there was lettering, Japanese kanji. The first time Donna saw Cameron put the bandana on, just before they deep cleaned Donna’s house together for the first time, she had asked Cameron what the kanji said. Gravely, through gritted teeth, Cameron had replied, “Kamikaze.” Donna had laughed, and then realized that she was being serious.

Putting down her mug, Donna exclaimed, “Daniel-san!”

Cameron took a deep breath, and said, “I’m trying to center myself and focus, Donna. Please.”

“I’m flattered by all the work you’ve already put into honoring my request,” Donna said. “But I think I’m gonna go upstairs so you can decorate in peace. I’d like to be surprised when I see the final result!” She stood up, taking her mug and phone with her, and headed toward the den, stopping to kiss Cameron on the cheek on her way.

When Donna returned to the kitchen several hours later to make lunch, the dining room table was covered in silk flowers, jars, doilies, and print outs and paper lace and all sorts of colorful paraphernalia. “How’s it going?” she called out.

“Slowly,” Cameron answered, “but it’s going. And it’s not like I’ve got anywhere to be, so!”

She took a quick break to eat a sandwich with Donna, and then went back to the dining room, and Donna went up to the bedroom, where she checked in with Joanie and Haley and their families, sent text messages to Tonya, Risa, and Katie Herman, and then started reading about current tech and social media platform news. She was clicking out of an article on Section 230 reform when Cameron knocked on the door frame.

Looking up from their bed, Donna asked, “Is it done? Can I see?” She jumped up from the bed and ran toward the door.

“I need you to adjust your expectations,” Cameron said, walking her down their hallway. Cameron stopped by the door to the den and switched on the light. Donna peered in, not seeing any difference at first, and then she noticed the faux ivy that Cameron had carefully attached to their bookcases. She stepped into the room, and then noticed the doilies on every surface, and the mason jars of high-quality pink and white silk peonies, which were surrounded by cards from a Victorian-themed tarot deck, which Cameron had stuck down to the doilies under them, to make them look as if they’d casually been left on the table. There were two sets of gloves by one jar, an aged-looking leather diary by another one, and a small framed print of a hand-drawn portrait of two Gibson girls by another.

“It’s subtle, or subtle-ish,” Donna smiled back at Cameron, “but it’s really nice. It’s very Picnic at Hanging Rock, but with maybe a better adjusted headmistress, right? I love it.”

They went down the hall and down the four steps to the ‘first’ floor, and then into the kitchen, where Donna’s eye was drawn to the centerpiece Cameron had arranged on the island. She’d repotted the violets into three of the metal pots, and had made and cut out a silhouette of two young women in full-length Victorian dresses, hand in hand, attached them to skewers, and stuck them into the flower pots. It looked almost as if the girls were walking through a field of purple-blue flowers.

Donna went to smell the flowers, only to be distracted by the display on the dining room table. Eyes wide, she instead walked toward the table. She turned to look back at Cameron and said, “Did you make all of this?”

“No, some if it I definitely ordered off the internet,” Cameron admitted. She’d set up an elegant silver multi-tiered pastry stand and loaded it with paper cups full of homemade white and milk chocolate truffles and squares of peppermint bark that had red and pink swirled into them, squares of milk, dark, and peanut butter fudge, bite sized anatomical hearts molded from red-tinged milk chocolate, and red cinnamon candies, cherry sours, and raspberry flavored hard candies. Next to the pastry stand was Donna’s trusty cake server, which was piled with red velvet crinkle cookies. Both were set up on top of large doilies, underneath their accompanying glass covers, and both were surrounded with red silk flower petals and an eye-catching design of heart and diamond and playing cards, all of which Cameron had somehow sewn down so that it would lay flat, but somehow still look slightly rumpled.

“Remember a few years ago when we did Penny Dreadful Halloween for the trick-or-treaters? During our Vanessa Ives phase? A lot of that stuff came in handy for this,” Cameron helpfully explained.

“Did I miss anything?” Donna looked around. She turned toward the living room, couch, and then noticed a large heart-shaped box placed in the center of the coffee table, with Donna’s pair of good candlesticks and brand new red candles set up on both sides of it, yet another doily underneath it all The box was anchored by a large, white, ceramic anatomical heart, and surrounded by shells, smaller porcelain rabbits and birds, and dried flower petals.

“It’s not much, but, it was fun to try?” Cameron shrugged.

“Oh, shush!” Donna threw her arms around Cameron’s neck, kissed her, and said, “It’s beautiful, and I love it. Thank you for trying to make things feel festive even though almost everything in the world totally sucks.” She kissed her again, and said, “Wanna go celebrate by making out?”

“Yes,” Cameron said, “but, I haven’t eaten in hours, can we have dinner first?”

“Yes, absolutely! Whatever my doting wife wants!” Donna agreed.

#the headband bit is totally jacked from an ep of sailor moon in which makoto ties on a kamikaze headband before cleaning #and the heart-shaped box is inspired by THE original heart-shaped box because the dream of the 90s is ALIVE yalce!#happy february bbys!#femslash february #femslash february 2021 #fan fiction #cameron howe #donna clark #donna emerson

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