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ohtobeleah · 4 months

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Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Seven: [Faucet Failure]

Summary: Jake makes his way back to you after finding out the truth. While under sedation to give your brain some rest, you remember the good times and the bad with your husband.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4.6K

Author Note: These chapters keep getting more and more heartbreaking. I can’t even deal. Why did you guys let me do this to y’all?

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

November 22nd

The dim glow of your TV was the only thing in the house that was giving your home any sort of light. The kids had all gone down well, both Lucy and Lennox had swimming practice after school which meant that they were down and out for the count before you even got from their beds back to the door. Sam was easy to get to sleep, he always had been. He was just a naturally sleepy kid.

The gentle knock against your front door startled you, but didn’t shock you. You knew exactly who it was. It was the same guy who'd given you a tissue to dry your tears, the same guy who sat beside you and kept you company during one of your lowest moments. It was the guy that had turned an overly depressing core memory into one that showed a little humanity, sympathy and understanding.

“Happy Birthday!” Jensen cooed as he stood at your door with a plastic bag full of Chinese takeout containers full to the very brim. “I didn't know what you liked so I think I got one of everything.” You stood at the threshold of your home just staring at the man who was on your doorstep, who’d insisted on buying you dinner. When you had informed him of your three children, Jensen said he’d have it delivered.

But he didn't specify who’d be delivering it…..

“I hope you weren't expecting a tip.” You smiled as you let Jensen into your home, the unimaginable amount of scattered children's shoes made it look like you were raising a family of caterpillars, but Jensen didn't mind the mess. He understood, his sister had two little girls around about the same age as Lucy and Lennox.

“But I brought you cheesecake as well?” Jensen smiled back at you in the darkness of the dimly lit hallway. “Can’t have a birthday without cake.”

“I don't even remember the last time someone brought me any form of cake.” You sighed as you politely took the cheesecake in its cake box. Jensen frowned in response as he watched you hit the light switch in the hallway that led to the kitchen.

“Didn't your husband ever buy you a birthday cake?” He called out as he followed you deeper into your humble abode. It was a simple question that carried far too much weight than you were ready to truly unpack. You'd told Jensen in one of your many conversations since you first met about how you and Jake were separated due to circumstances that weren’t fair to either one of you. Jensen never pressed for more information than you were willing to give.

“He used to.” You shrugged. “I can't remember the year he stopped, hell–I can't really even pinpoint when he stopped caring but eventually he did and soon enough my birthday just became another day.” It was hard to admit, but Jensen made opening up about your marital struggles easy, you never really confided in anyone about any of it. He had a non-biased opinion. “But I loved Jake, I still do, at the time I guess I didn't care that I was getting a fraction of what I deserved because a fraction of him was better than nothing at all.” The tears were there, they were ready to spill over your lower last line. But you never let them fall as Jensen sat down at your kitchen bench and opened up the bag of chinese food. “But it all got too much– or too little, I suppose.”

“Have you told him about the cancer yet?” Jensen asked softly, he wasn't pressing, he was just asking.

“I still dont think I’m going to–he probably wouldn't care, I mean he forgot my birthday.” Again you shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “I highly doubt he’d care about some cancer diagnosis.”

“Are you sure he wouldn't care? Or have you just convinced yourself he wouldn't because it hurts less to believe he doesn't care than it does to believe he does?” When you answered Jensen's heart sank. He saw the tears in your eyes, the look of heartbreak that reflected from your very soul. The longingness in your expression. He saw right through the wall you tried so hard to protect yourself with. He saw it all. Which is why when your voice cracked and your support beams held together by caffeine and your need to keep a normal routine for your children in place, faltered, Jensen sighed.

“It didn't take much convincing–”

“Y/n–”

“How was Chemo today?” You tried your best to change the subject as you grabbed some cutlery. The chair beside Jensen at your kitchen counter looked awfully comfortable.

“Consider my follicles fried.” Jensen chuckled as you handed him a spoon. “Now don't change the subject, we’re talking about you and this husband of yours, who, I'm convinced, is a few screws short of a hardware store.”

“Oh yeah? Why's that?” You weren't sure if you wanted to know, but what you did know was that Jake wasn’t here. He’d sent you a message earlier in the day but you were yet to respond. You felt that if you replied it would open a floodgate of vulnerability. But soon enough Jensens words had you in a freefall of wondering if it was truly over between you and Jake–

“Because I don't think anyone who's lucky enough to love you would ever put themselves in a position to lose you.”

Or not.

***~***~***~**~***~

“Look left for me?” Doctor Ignatii spoke as he shined his little pen light in your eyes. “And right?” You did as you were told although you just wanted to be left alone. “Count to five for me?” You almost rolled your eyes as Doctor Ignatii stepped away and walked closer to your feet.

“One, two, three, four, five.” You slowly counted. “Do I get a gold star?” Doctor Ignatii didn’t take your foul attitude to heart, he dealt with people like you every day—over the years you tend to develop pretty thick skin.

“Possibly, if you can wiggle your toes and touch your nose?” He asked through a smile as he began to feel your feet. “Wiggle please Mrs Seresin.”

“This better not be my audition tape for the Madden Brothers Circus.” You didn’t mean to take your hostility out on the doctor who had saved your life, but there was a small part of you that wished he would have just let the blood clot do its damage. You did what you were told once more and wiggled your toes and touched your nose. “Look at me go.”

“Well—“ Doctor Ignatii chuckled to himself as he filled out your charts on his iPad. “You don’t seem to be showing any immediate deficits post surgery, I’d like to give your brain a chance to rest for another ten to twelve hours before we get you out of bed for a little bit of a walk.” You listened to what your doctor was saying as your mother came back into the room, you didn’t know it but Jake had just landed and was heading right over.

“Does that mean I get more of these awesome drugs?” You asked playfully, your mother even swore you were flirting. Doctor Ignatii was very handsome with brown hair and dark skin. He smiled at your forwardness but nodded in response. He was also used to this.

“We’ll give you another sedative to make sure you're able to rest, you’ll probably feel like you got hit by a bus when you wake up but it’ll give us a clearer indication if you’ll face any deficits going forward.”

“You reckon breast cancer’s a deficit?” You couldn't stop thinking about the dream you had about Jake. it felt so real, like your own personal rolodex of memories was trying its best to show you the good times. For whatever reason that may be you had no idea, but, you really had to ground yourself in your own reality. Jake wasn't the Jake from your memories anymore, although you desperately wished he was. He was now the Jake who couldn't remember your birthday or to fill your Christmas stocking on Christmas. He was the guy who let you peel your own oranges after he’d done it for so many years.

He was the guy who had fallen out of love with you.

“I do, but your double mastectomy has been rescheduled for Christmas Eve. So what better way to wake up on Christmas morning knowing your chance of kicking cancer's ass just went up by thirty five percent?” It was your turn to smile at Doctor Ignatii as he ended the conversation about your cancer at that. “I’ll send in a nurse to admit the sedative, mum? She’ll be out for a minimum of ten hours while on the IV, you should take the time to get some rest too.”

“Sure thing Doc.” Your mother answered as she watched him walk away. “Were you flirting with that man?”

“No harm, he’s seen the inside of my brain, can’t get more intimate then that can you?” You were probably putting on a braver face then you felt but your mother could tell you were nervous about the sedative..

“I’ll stay with you for the entire time you're sleeping.” She cooed as she pushed your hair behind your hair. She noticed how stands fell almost with the gust of her fingertip. The chemo was killing your hair follicles. “You won’t be alone.”

“Thanks.” Was all you said as Lydia came into your room ready to set your IV drop up. “I hope you’ve done this before, kid.”

“Absolutely Mrs Seresin.” Lydia chuckled, she felt a lot better after a full eight hours of sleep. “I’ll just get this sorted and you’ll be good to go.” As Lydia set up your IV, you had just rough energy to send one message to a dear friend you thought should know about your current state. Your mother watched as you typed out a really quick message with one hand.

You: “Had a stroke, in hospital, surgery rescheduled.”

“Promise you’ll stay?” You asked your mum one more time as you saw her reading a text. A text from your ex husband telling her he was about twenty minutes away and running off the five hours of sleep he got before his world got flipped on its head.

“You’re not going be alone sweetheart.” Your mother answered rather cryptically. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“I'm here.” Jake had taken the next flight back to Rhode Island that he could, he didn't have time to waste when it came to getting back to you. He was tired, emotionally exhausted from everything he had learnt of your condition and dishevelled beyond belief. He was sure someone threw a dollar down at him while he was sitting on the floor at the airport next to a charging port. He looked so distressed and dishevelled that someone thought he was homeless.

He kept that dollar though.

“Okay, ask the main reception to point you in the direction of oncology and we’re in room 306.” Your mother replied over the phone, Jake had called her about fifteen minutes after you had been administered your sedative.

Jake felt his heart in the back of his throat as he took the elevator up to the level the lady at the reception desk in the main lobby of the Rhode Island hospital had told him to go to. Oncology equals cancer, you had cancer, breast cancer, you had a stroke, strokes can kill you, cancer can kill you.

Jake had thought about nothing else since he got on his flight, the idea that you were sick, that you were so sick you couldn't even tell him broke his heart more than you leaving him ever could. There was once a time where Jake thought you could tell him anything, that you were able to come to him with any problem you had or were facing.

He couldn't pinpoint exactly when you stopped telling him things, or more importantly when he’d stopped listening. Jake couldn't help but to blame himself for feeling like he’d somewhat put you into this situation where you felt like you couldn't rely on him to step up when you needed him to. You were sick and you needed support, he was supposed to be that support, but instead you kept him in the dark like he didn't deserve to know you were ill.

Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but either way Jake was walking towards room 306 where your mother had told him to go. He brought his duffel with him, Jake made no plans to leave your bedside for the duration of your stay. However long that may be, he was gonna be by your side.

And the second he got to the threshold of your hospital room, Jake Seresin forgot what it was like to be able to breathe on his own accord.

“Oh Honey.” He cooed as his bottom lip quivered, your Mother tried her best to remain a strong presence but at the sight of Jake crumbling under the weight of the idea he’d lose you twice over made her eyes water. “Oh my sweet girl.”

***~***~***~**~***~

“Jake!” You shouted out throughout the house as Lucy and Lenny watched over baby Sam as they ate lunch in the living room.“Jake!”

“What?” Jake called back to you from the back deck where he was busy doing absolutely nothing but enjoying a beer with his feet up and his sunglasses on. He just needed twenty minutes. Sam had been a handful today and ever since Jake got home he’d wanted nothing more than to use his body as a jungle gym.

“The faucet in the ensuite won’t stop leaking, can you please tighten it before you get too comfortable.” You asked as politely as you could with a soft smile.

“Sure, yeah I’ll put it on the list.” Jake shrugged your request off like it was nothing but another chore you were commanding him to do. When Jake didn’t budge, you crossed your arms over your chest and pressed the issue further.

“It’s just that I’m trying to work on my new book and I can’t concentrate with the dripping.” You were in the middle of your latest project. A new book proposal your editors were waiting on.

“I said I’d get to it Hon, just—why don’t you try writing somewhere else besides your desk? Or better yet, shut the ensuite door?” Jake couldn’t see the rage burning in your eyes when he told you to basically deal with it until he could be arsed to get up.

“Jake please?” You begged, it wasn’t the first time you’d asked Jake to fix the leaky faucet but it would be the last. It was one the few final straws that broke your back before you decided enough was enough and you couldn’t stay in your marriage any longer. “I need you to do this one thing for me so I can work in peace.”

“If it’s so important that it needs to be fixed right this second Hon just fix it yourself?” Jake argued back as he took a sip of his beer, it had been a long week for him and he needed a moment to relax. “You know how to fix a leak.”

“I already tried!” You shouted back loud enough to finally have Jake taking his glasses off to look at you properly. “I’m trying to work, I’ve had the kids all week and I need to get these last few chapters done before next Friday and you go back to work on Monday.” You saw the look Jake gave you, one of annoyance and frustration, like you were some kind of parasite trying to ruin his day off to relax and enjoy some rest and rejuvenation before Monday rolled around again.

“Honey if you let me sit here for twenty minutes I will fix the fucking leak for you.” He tried to hide his disdain but you could read it through the lines on his face. “I’m not sure why you can’t just write somewhere where you can’t fucking hear it but I’ll fix it the minute I’m done drinking my beer.”

“Alright.” You pressed your lips together and tried not to let your anger boil over. “Alright I can live with that.”

“Hallelujah, she can live with compromise.” Jake sassed as he took another sip of his beer. You chose not to respond as you headed back inside the home you both shared with a feeling of under appreciated value looming over your head. What did Jake mean by compromise? You did so much and more for him, why was it such an issue that you’d asked him to fix a faucet.

He never did get around to fixing it like he said he would. Twenty minutes turned to two hours, which turned to two days, months and eventually It was only when the both of you decided to sell the property when you said you were leaving, that he noticed the leak was never fixed.

You never did finish that draft, the book that remained unpublished and half finished. You kept the google doc on your laptop and sometimes you thought about picking the project back up. But you never did, you never had time to, not while you were on the cusp of divorce and raising three children all on your own.

“I uh—I fixed the faucet.” Jake sheepishly told you as he made his way into the kitchen to see you packing plates and bowls and cutlery into moving boxes.

“The faucet I asked you to fix back in October?” You replied harshly while trying not to look at the man who forgot where you should have been on his priority list. “Glad I compromised on that one for this long.” You hissed, it had only been four days since you told Jake you were leaving, that you were moving back into your mothers place with the kids until you found somewhere to live.

“Honey—“

“Please don’t call me that.” You asked rather simply as Jake's heart broke before you. He was losing his wife, his kids and didn’t know how to fix what he’d unintentionally broken.

“Don’t go, we can fix this, I don’t want you to go.”

“Well unfortunately this isn’t about you Jake.” You tried to keep your voice down so that you wouldn’t alert the kids to your argument. If there was one thing you weren’t going to do it was fight in front of your children and subject them to that environment. “Tell me, it’s January right now isn’t it?”

“Yeah?” Jake wasn’t sure what you were getting at as he watched you pack the boxes of things you were taking with you.

“When’s my birthday?” You asked like he should have known that answer off the top of his head, because he should have and he did.

“Novem—oh fuck Y/n no hold on a minute.” Jake couldn’t find the words he wanted to say at that moment, how could he forget your birthday? He missed it entirely and you said not a single thing about it.

“My stocking was the only one empty at Christmas, not a single present under the tree was mine, you know why that is? It’s because for four years I’ve brought my own damn presents and gotten my own fucking birthdays cake, you don’t give a shit about fixing a goddamn fosset so I can focus on work let alone the little things.” You hissed before you tried to calm yourself down and get back to packing. Jake just stood there speechless looking like he hadn’t slept a wink in days. He hadn’t, not since you told him you were done and that you needed a break.

“I can fix this, please.” Jake was begging you to stay, he didn’t want to lose the one person who meant more to him than life itself. “Just don’t leave me.”

“There isn’t enough room for me in your life Jake, and instead of being selfish and trying to change you I’d rather let you go to be yourself. People change.” You shrugged. Staying now would have killed you, Jake felt you slipping through his fingers in real time as he watched you wrap up the mugs you were taking in old newspaper. “I sure never thought the man I married would change into someone I don’t even know.”

***~***~***~**~***~

Jake was at a loss for words when he stepped into your hospital room. The Christmas lights that shimmered around the room were a stark contrast to the plethora of machines that were scattered around your bedside.

“I thought since she’s sleeping the blinds should be shut.” Jake could just barely make out what your mother had told him as she rose to greet him with open arms. He couldn’t peel his eyes off you for even a second as the woman who had become his second mother took him in a warm loving embrace. “She’ll be out for a while sweetheart, they gave her a sedative to help her brain rest.”

“How long?” Jake asked as he held your mother tight.

“About ten—maybe twelve hours, she only just started the drip.”

“Oh—okay, yeah no that.” Jake tried to hold himself together but the damn was breaking. “That’s probably for the b-bet—oh god.” Jake Seresin had never felt his entire body crumbled into someone the way he felt his body crumble into your mothers arms.

“Oh my boy it’s alright, she’s alive, she’s gonna be okay.” Your mother tried her best to soothe Jake's cries but she knew it was coming from a place of love and undeniable sadness. “Here, sit down, I’ll go get you a coffee and something to eat.”

Jake took a seat next to your bedside and immediately reached out for your hand. He knew you were under and wouldn’t know he was there but he still brought your palm up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your hand.

“Oh Honey I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” He sobbed quietly as your mother stood behind him. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know.”

“She hasn’t told anyone but me Jake, not her friends or her brother.” It was hard to process the sight before him, the love of Jake's life surrounded by machines, hooked by cords and wires and monitors that told him although your eyes were closed you were in fact, alive. “I don’t think she wanted you to know because she’s just so scared despite how she might put on a brave face.”

“Or she thought I wouldn’t care.” Jake mumbled as he reached out to make sure your hair was resting behind your ear, part of your head had been shaved from surgery, but Jake never expected the hair he tried to move back behind your ear to fall out at his touch. “Oh my god—“

“She’s been on oral chemotherapy since her biopsy came back cancerous, she needed you to take the kids so she could start more aggressive IV chemo.”

“Her hair’s already falling out?” Jake had never felt this way before, so rendered powerless. He’d taken a life before and saved many, but watching you right now was the most powerless he’d ever felt. Jake caught the sight of your phone flashing with a new message with a name he didn't recognise. There was no time to ask you about the message he saw, but jake knew maybe, just maybe, you had lied when you told him there was no other guy.

Jensen: “Oh shit, I'll swing by once I'm out of the woods.”

“Aggressive cancer needs aggressive treatment sweetheart.” Your mother leaned in to kiss the top of Jake's head. “I’ll be back, coffee and a sandwich will do you good.”

“Thanks Maz.” Jake sighed as he kept your hand up near his mouth as he leaned his elbows on the side of your bed. “Oh Honey, Honey, Honey—what have we become?”

***~***~***~***~***~***

Your honeymoon was the most beautiful trip you’d ever gone on. Jake Seresin was very much a summer man. He loved when the sun was shining and the water was cool and the beers were as refreshing as they ever could be.

The resort in Bali that the two of you were staying at for the entire two weeks was nothing but picturesque with stunningly gorgeous gardens and extraordinary architecture. The pool you were sitting on the edge of was just one of the many pools that you and Jake had yet to visit. He stood on the ledge of the rock waterfall and smiled ear to ear.

“I’m not resuscitating you when you slip and hit your head!” You called out through a beaming smile.

“Reckon I could clear a backflip?” Jake asked childishly as he climbed to the very top. His abs looked far too perfect to be real as he stood tall and flexed just for you, his wife.

“Jake Seresin, don't you dare!” You warned as you looked over your sunglasses at your childish husband. He was everything any more, how you got so lucky you'd never understand. The two of you had decided on a small elopement style wedding that saw only a handful of your closest family members in attendance. The both of you saw no need for over the top extremities and thoughts of dollars spent on a single night. You thought why not use the money on a holiday getaway, your dream honeymoon. After Rodney had gone on his happiness never ends tangent, Jake wished the two of you had just gone down to town hall.

“Live a little Mrs Seresin!” Jake shouted as he took the leap of faith and backflipped off the very top of the man made rock waterfall that cascaded down into the crystal clear pool. The two of you were the only guests in sight which you were so thankful for when Jake came belly flopping down into the water with a crisp slap.

“Oh!” You cringed hard as your husband hit the water. “That's gotta hurt the ego buddy.” You giggled as you watched Jake swim under the water closer to the edge where you sat just relaxing in the smallest bikini known to mankind. “Jake?” You asked as he crept closer and closer under the water. Your eyes never left his swimming silhouette until he was jumping up right in front of you to rest his elbows on the edge of the pool right in front of you.

“My execution was a little off.” He grinned as you leaned in to give him a kiss. Unbeknownst to you though as your lips pressed against your husbands, his hands snakes around your waist to quickly drag you into the water where Jake needed you to be. With him, forever.

“JAKE!” You shouted as you fell into the pool. Jake couldn't contain his laughter. Thank god he remembered you knew how to swim.

“Yes Honey?” He cooed as you resurfaced with a gasp.

“You’re a child!”

“Uh no–I'm not.” Jake made sure to correct you as he pulled you closer under the water. His hand explored your ass as he wrapped your legs around his waist and held you up against him. You could feel his hard on pressing against your core, it wouldn't take much at all for him to slip out of his trunks and into you if he wanted to.

“But if you want I can show you how they're made?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

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downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles · 8 months

Note

Hi! Love your posts. Can you write crush headcanons for each of the turtles, like how they develop it, how they may act around them, and maybe ask them out? Thank you! Hope you have a great day!

TMNT crush headcanons:

Leonardo:

• Leo developes slow but meaningful crushes! He's very careful, and guarded of his feelings similar to Raph, but in his own way. His crush starts with feeling inspired by his person of interest, someone who makes him want to better himself in any way by either observing their passions, talents, and skills, or who encourages his limits to discover his own.

• He's thoughtful but very subtle about his affections towards someone, he doesn't exactly want them to know

• Observant, attentive, and a classic romantic is how he is—that last part, in his fantasies, at least. He dreams about being able to provide everything his crush could want or need, even though he can't always do so due to how they live

• Leo asks his crush out after a series of escalating gestures of love so it doesn't really catch them off guard. Asks them to meet him alone to talk because he has something important to say, and then makes the confession.

• "I know you have to know what I'm going to say, you're nervous, I can tell...I probably shouldn't have been so cryptic when I asked you to meet me in the dojo by yourself." He softens his posture a bit, to seem less tense. He'd lit several dozen candles scattered all over the room, partially for himself while he meditated to calm his mind a little, mostly to create an atmosphere. "You've become a close friend of mine despite everything, you know you're always welcome in our home, right? And you can come whenever." There's an awkward pause—he doesn't know how to continue with what he's saying. "Ah, anyways—I was saying...I enjoy your company, I would be honored to show you some stuff I know, in exchange for some of your time. Only if you'd like." God, he hoped that you would.

Michelangelo:

• Mikey couldn't hide his growing feelings, even if he wanted to. And it didn't take much for him to fall fast and hard for his crush; the attention he got was addictive and he wanted to give it back tenfold! He always wanted to feel wanted and accepted by others, so even though he couldn't have that from the rest of the human world, the fact that he had that from you was more than enough for him. He was grateful.

• He's his crush's biggest fan!! If there were merch, he'd wear it proudly even if it embarrassed you

• Creative and artistic; he painted and redesigned one of his old longboards just for you. It had some of his old pop-art on it, graffiti style, random sketches and doodles, and every sticker he could find. He tried to remember everything you liked to put it on the things he gave you, whether it were poster collages he made for his wall art or putting love onto the bottom of a skateboard. Big gift giver, so expect to get a LOT of stuff from him—even sentimental items he's nostalgic over, even if you feel bad to receive those things from him. He has a lot to give. 😌

• Mikey confesses by accident one day when he doesn't even mean to—he's playing around with you as usual and gets talkative when he's feeling excited, so it just slips out. Mid-play.

• "Ha-hah! That's what I'm taking about, I love you, Y/N!" There's a pause where it has to compute for a second. "Wait, did I just say that out loud?" He's serious for a moment—he can't believe he actually said that. But the next beat, he's back to smiling at you, laughing, maybe trying to deflect the hint of embarrassment he felt (which was rare for Mikey). "Yeah, I did say that out loud, I guess. Whoops...oh—now, tag, you're it!"

Donatello:

• Despite his brains and his intellectual nature, Donnie is an emotional person and actually falls in love almost immediately when he encounters that perfect person. He gets stars in his eyes and runs his own compatibility tests through his mind as he learns more about them, and annoyingly, they're stuck on his mind even when he's trying to work on his experiments and projects.

• Helpful, playful, a little stingy with your time lol—when he wants to spend time with his crush, he wants his brothers away because they take the limelight without thinking sometimes. Always offering to help you with homework or if you need anything fixed around the house, he's volunteering for that. Broken cabinet? Fixed. Wifi isn't working? No problem. Pipes under your sink leaking? He's been fixing up the Lair for years!

• Donnie is not shy. Let's say that rn. He's 👏 confident 👏. He's a little bit of a showoff competing with his brothers to snatch your attention, even if it's just games.

• He asks you if you'll have him on a date one night on your way out of the sewers. He'd been looking for the prime time to hit you with the question and was a little nervous to do it with his peers around, so he dropped the question when you went to leave for the night. "I know you're leaving—and this will only take a minute! But I had something to ask you." He lets you get curious. He holds up the keys to his prized possession, the Shellraiser, that he dreamed about driving you around in. "Ever gone on a joyride through New York in a souped-up garbage truck? No?...do you, maybe, want to do it with me? As a friend thing? Or maybe as more than just...friends?"

Raphael:

• Raph was completely UNready to admit he was getting soft for you. Or ready to commit to feeling the uncomfortable—but tantalizing—feelings you gave him. In honesty, for a good long while, Raph didn't let you know in the slightest he was getting his heart stolen over the course of the months he knew you.

• Very much puts off his crush with his prickly demeanor. But underneath that tough exterior, he's secretly taking every chance he can get to try to impress you in the ways he knows how; if there's any heavy lifting to be done, you bet he's volunteering himself out for that before anyone else can.

• Acts too good for sappy things until the moment his crush is being vulnerable—it disarms him, he's a protector at heart. He wants to be your shield from everything bad in the world, which is a lot.

• Raph plays the long game with his crush hinting over and over again he's in love, with no luck at times. It frustrates him but it's a challenge. He won't be outright and say it; everything he does is subtle, but the second your back is turned, he's making it known he's got your attention just to pull one over on his brothers (in good humor!)

• Makes his crush work with him to get the confession out, low-key. He makes you guess until you finally start to piece everything together. He will not be saying it with his words, but he'll definitely show it.

• "Y/N. C'mere," he says. "What're you still doing here this late, dummy? Already said it's not safe to walk home alone." Silence. "Agh, I did it again. Ignore my crap. But I mean it, stop goin' home alone, you know I told you I'd come too. And if I ain't available then I'm making Mikey go. Hear me? Stop acting like it's a burden or whatever..." He's kicking himself mentally for being unable to say what he actually wants to say. He ruffles your hair roughly to deflect. "See, now ya look silly like you act. Come on, let's go. I like you better safe in one piece than ending up in the back of some guy's van."

I lost all of my TMNT gifs from my old phone 😭 The post feels bare without it, but anyways, this is my first post in over a year so i hope it's good! 🐢🐢🐢🐢

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2016 #tmnt x reader #tmnt 2014 #tmnt bayverse #tmnt donnie #tmnt headcanons #tmnt requests #tmnt leonardo #raphael #michelangelo #donatello #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt 2012 #tmnt romance

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harrysmimi · 9 months

Text

After Show

Synopsis: Harry and YN finds some alone time after one of his shows to catch up

CW: Smut

Series Masterlist | More of my work

One thing YN was so grateful for were the opportunities she gets to travel now more freely.

It gave her a weird ich, even to think about going to a different country alone. Especially when her family doesn't really seem to care about her existence. She feared for her safety because apparently we still live in a world where no one, especially women can't walk alone.

So, when Harry offers to accompany her, she'd now learnt to taked up the offer. Of course only if she can afford the trip, as she doesn't like to rely on him for anything. She's also gotten more confident traveling alone. She'd learnt to get out of her comfort zone and actually talk to people other than just asking for their coffee orders and serve them.

That also gave her a sense of acceptance about herself as she found people who went through, or are going through similar life situations as hers. Yeah, she loves her friends, Alec and Brielle, she would never trade them for anyone else. But it's nice to make mew acquaintances.

Today, she was going to see Harry after a long time. She had unfortunately missed his birthday this year as her family was nice enough to drag her along with them to their relatives' wedding. It was two week affair. And she hadn't seen him since the after new year's.

She saw him at his concert venue directly, with her luggage bag in hand. He had just gotten off doing the soundcheck. He was surprised because he was supposed to meet her back at his (their!) hotel room, her flight was supposed to be delayed which didn't happened and she got to see him early. Least to say he attacked with a bear hug, as she ran towards him and with her limbs wrapped around him.

"I missed you so much!" She mumbled, her face resting in the gap between his neck and her arm.

"I missed you so much too baby!" He scoffed happily, holding onto her tightly so she doesn't fall straight on her butt. She wouldn't let go. Honestly, he doesn't want her to either. "You good?"

"Mhmm." She nodded, and jumped back on her own two feet. Her arms slipped to wrap around his torso as she looked up at him. "Better now. With you."

"Oh my god, you need to stop flirting with me. I'm engaged for god's sake!" He rolled his eyes jokingly.

"I miss you too much when you're gone!" She snuggle her face into fabric of his hoodie. Harry sighed, slipping his fingers through her hair he massaged her scalp gently.

"I miss you too baby." He whispered, "just a month and we'll be getting and off to our honeymoon, then I'm all yours! For now let's go to my green room." He dragged her and her luggage along with him back stage to his green room. "want a cuppa baby?"

"Sure!" She nodded and looked around his room. The sofa was different but the pillows were same, his humidifier, clothes box, his own suit case with regular clothes. It was felt like him and it felt like home to her. "It's cold here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, a little. The AC's on." He said, "don't feel it while I'm performing though."

"Thank you!" She took the cup of tea he gave her and sat next to her.

"How was your flight?" He asked, his hand rested on her thigh as he scooted closer to her.

"It was fine." YN nodded. "I have to tell you something though!" She placed the hot cup of tea to the side.

"What is it, baby?"

"You remember we talked about trying for a baby, right?" She started off, "well, ummm... I talked to my gynaecologist and my physician, I can get off birth control and we can see from there. They have to change up few of my medications like the painkillers I take for my arthritis and start with prenatal vitamins."

"You sure that's fine with you, baby?" He asked, "changing up the medications and all? I know they'll have to cut off a few things which help you, I don't want you in pain all throughout that time. Being pregnant is hard as it is."

"I don't know." She shrugged, "I have never been pregnant before. But we can see."

"Only if you're so sure about it." He sighed not knowing what to say further, "or we have other options we can opt for always."

"Okay..."

"Don't be upset, love!" He sighed, "I said we have other options only if it doesn't work put of us, okay? I just want to make sure you're fine."

"I am." She assured him.

"Okay." He smiled and placed a tender kiss on her cheek, holding her close to him, "would you like to practice baby making after the show then?"

"I would love to!" She chuckled, giving him a kiss on his mouth. Harry pulled her in before she could try to retrieve, buttoning his mouth back on hers. His hand wandered down to her hips back up inside her shirt rather quickly. "Harry, not here please." She managed to speak up, "anyone can walk in on us."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." He sighed, "just missed you so much!"

"I missed you too." She cooed.

They both cuddled for next two hours till he had to get ready for the show, having a nice baby talk. YN fell asleep there.

"Hey baby, do you wanna wake up?" He gave her arm a soft squeeze.

"Hmm?" YN wome up confused.

"Do you want to wake up? I'm about to go on stage in a bit." He shared.

"How long did I sleep for?" She sighed feeling groggy from being woken up from deep sleep.

"A couple of hours."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She sat up, "and yes I'm up now. Want to see you perform."

"Yeah?" He smiled, "well, I have twenty minutes if you want to change to freshen up or something?"

"Yeah, I need to pee. Where is the toilet?"

"The left door." Be pointed behind him. "Wait!" He pulled her back to steal a quick kiss. "Chop-chop baby love." He smack her bum but recieved one right after. "Ouch!"

"Yeah, ouch!" She yawned walking to the bathroom.

......................................................................

"Last kiss and I'll be out!" Harry promised as he stole another kiss from his missus.

"Harry, stop hogging your missus you need to be on the stage, now!" Tom yelled at him.

"Yes!" Harry yelled back. "Stay safe, okay?"

"I will." She nodded, "go break a bone!"

He felt another smack on his butt. "You're gonna pay for it." He challenged her before he was ready to run out.

"Sure." She rolled her eyes and made her way to the little VIP area by the stage where a few of Harry's industry friends were going to be.

YN's not had a good time with Harry's industry friends except the rest of 1D boys and his immediate work friends like, Jeffery and his wife, Tom, Tyler and the Love Band, well in short his immediate circle of friends. She still had a good amount of amazing people to hang out with whilst her soon-to-be husband worked.

Harry came up on the stage, YN was stood at the side back stage where she can watch him perform. He's like a toddler running around the stage, stumbling and even falling sometimes. Throughout he kept looking at her and smiling.

He's indeed very happy today, especially now his soon-to-be wife is by his side.

He was so happy that he still had the adrenaline pumping through his body when they got back to their room hotel.

"Ow!" YN gasped when he pinned her to the wall, one shoe off as she was stopped by him. He smeared his lips over hers, gathering her hands behind her back. She knew exactly where this was going to go and she didn't mind at all.

It reminded her of their first time. Similar situation, he had just gotten home from a heavy workout session all sweaty. Leading her to his bedroom upstairs, leaving her on the bed for a moment before he went and washed his hands. He debunked that thing for her which she always watched in the movies. And he gave her a head. That's all they did that night. And oh boy did she enjoyed every milliseconds of it, and still remember. YN shocked herself with how comfortable she is with him now versus she was the first time around.

He took off his jacket and threw it on the floor as he picked her up with his hands on her bum. He made his way to the bed, placed her carefully on the mattress as he managed to fit between her thighs. He broke the kiss to give her a breather.

"I missed you so much!" He mumbled leaving a chaste of sloppy wet kissed down her jawline to her neck. A moan slipped through her mouth when she felt his hand on her breast. He lifted his head up to press another kiss on her mouth. "Is it alright if go down on you?"

"Wait..." She stopped him, "haven't shaved down there."

He looked at her in disbelief, "does it look like I care, baby!" It wasn't a question though, "still okay?"

"Mhmm." She nodded, feeling a shiver run down her spine. She missed him as well, in every way. But this not their usual thing after being away for months. They usually get a take out, watch TV or just catch up because Harry always tired and jet lagged. Even though he's a horny animal, she's suggest against his needs and make him rest first.

Her man doesn't like to rest.

With one last kiss on her mouth he got to unbuttoning her jeans and taking them off with her knickers. She layed there vulnerable, visibility wet and dripping. Before she could get another moment to get awkward his mouth was on her clit. As much as he loves to make her come with just his mouth, she loves that too.

Feeling his warm tongue move against her already sensitive and swollen bud of nerves, how his fingers occasionally slip inside of her wet hole. Making her squirm under him. Just to replace his digits with his tongue. He's a skill full man.

"Oh, I'm so close!" She muttered with her voice now becoming more breathy and heavy. It's been what feel like an eternity but mostly because they've been away for so long from one another. The feel of his warmth tongue and his digits now pumping inside of her was pushing her just closer to the edge of her orgasm.

"You gonna come for me, baby?" He asked before he gave her clit another hard suck all the while pumping his fingers in ger pussy, "come for me, yeah?" It wasn't long until she was reaching her orgasm. "Was that good?"

"Amazing!" She chuckled, his weight on top of her as he kissed her cheek moving to her neck. "It tickles."

"I love you."

"And I love you more."

"Not a chance!" He scoffed jokingly, "I love you more. And I am sweaty."

"I don't care, I've missed you!" With her arms around his neck it was enough of a que for him to kiss her again.

"Wanna hop in the shower with me then, baby?" He suggested, finally giving her a moment to breathe.

"Mhmm." She nodded. He briefly crouched to take her off her shoe which he barely gave her a moment to take off herself. Slipped off his shoes as he guided her to the bathroom.

"Is that my hoodie?" He realised-- rather late-- she was wearing his black hoodie with 'DAMN.' written on it as he washed up his hands.

"Our hoodie you mean? Yes." She admitted.

"Cheeky!" Harry chuckled, "c'mere." He placed his hands on her hips he propped her up on the wash besin counter. "Want this off?"

"Yes please." She nodded. Despite him being careful, the fabric got caught in her necklace. "Whoops!"

"It's alright." He fixed it quickly as she sat there giggling. It was like the very first time, how her shirt caught up on her earring and she apologised for laughing at that silly thing. "Remember how flustered you were the first time?" He pressed a kiss on her cheek and chin with his arms wrapped around her naked torso.

"Still embarrassed about tha--" her body shuddered feeling his fingertips run feathery strokes on her spine, wetness in between her legs growing once again.

"Still find it to be the most adorable thing." He moved down to her to her neck, leaving a trail of feathery kisses on her warm skin, finally he looked up to place firm kiss on her mouth, "it makes everything feel so much more better. Remember how I got a cramp in my leg the other day?"

"Yeah, you were screaming in a high pitched voice." She giggled.

"Well, I'm not embarrassed about that because it was my fault I didn't drink enough water that day." He explained, "we can have a little laugh you know." With that be picked her up and walked in the shower to place her back on her feet carefully. He took a moment to shed his pants and boxers, the evident kind of hard on of his was now on a full show.

"Harry it's too cold!" She gasped feeling the water fall over her body.

"If I up the temperature, we're going to be boiled by the end." He pointed out.

"It's not that hot!" She argued, and turned rhe heat up just a tiny bit. "Please?"

"It's summer!" He groaned in defeat. She still kept on her cheeky puppy face to convince him as be buttoned her mouth on his standing on her tippy toes. "You're lucky I love you."

"The luckiest one." Her hand slowly crept downwards over his chest and pecks.

"Cheeky!" He kissed her her again. He still enough of her, he hopes it stays that way. Just as he was about to say something, he felt her warm hand wrapped his hardene penis. "Fuck, fuck!"

"Can we go now?" He asked, "just missed you so much!"

"Yes!" She nodded, as she did his hand was behind her knee lifting her leg up at the same time pushing her against the shower wall. Slowly slipping in through her folds. Just heavy breathing to be heard, especially from Harry. Low grunk and cussing in his voice which only grew deeper.

Air in her lungs gor sucked out when he started moving. His hard and deep thrusts making a new rhythm, making her wrap her arms around him for support.

"God I missed you so much!" His forehead rested on her, "so warm for me." It wasn't enough, he slip out, turned her around to slip right back in her. He picked up his pace, making her orgasm right again.

Least to say, they spent about half an hour there.

......................................................................

"Can we order Pizza?" YN asked, as she tied her bathrobe tie around her waist. Harry had already placed her back on the counter.

"Of course baby, which one do you want?" He was already walking out to grab the hotel phone.

"A small cheese one, thank you." He ordered for the pizza and went back to her, "wanna help you with that." He stopped her as she was about do the last few steps of her skin care. Well, it was just four steps, step was done in the shower. Last two were serum and moisturising.

Harry loves to pamper her.

"Here lemme do that too!" She pulled her Fiancé back towards her caging him in between her legs.

YN placed a few dots on the moisturiser on his cheeks, his forehead, his chin and lastly on his nose for comedic purposes. She proceeded to work the product in his skin, his prominent stubble was poked the skin of her palms. He looked like a little kitten being petted, as she ran her thumbs on the apples of his cheeks.

"Done!" She announced.

"Do you want to be little spoon?" He asked as he picked her up again with one on her back and other behind her knees.

"You know I'm never going to say no to that." She booped his nose, "and you got to let me walk, bestie."

"Just fucked the shit out of you and you're calling me bestie?" He cocked his eye brow up carefully placing her back on her feet just for her to cling back onto him. She tried her best to stand on her wobbly legs, but she was scooped right off her feet and carried to their shared bed.

"I loved it though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" She nodded. But they were interrupted by the room service.

"The pizza is here, your majesty!" He presented her the pizza in a grant way along with a bottle of water, though he took a sip of it first. "Asked them put extra cheese on it for you my love."

"Thank you!" She grinned.

Harry lied next to her on his spot over his tummy, dressed in his purple bathrobe. "So, about the baby?"

"Hmm?"

"Are we good now, or do we have to wait till to start trying?"

"Still need to get off birth control." She shared.

"Wait, doesn't that help you with your period?" He realised.

"Kind of, but I think I can go without those now, it's complicated. So these other medications for my arthritis made my period have rave parties every month, it should be good as I'd have to stop taking those meds and switch to something else." She explained, offering him a bite of her pizza which he accepted. "Do you want to go with me to the next appointment? It's after the tour is finished."

"Of course I'd love to go with you darling." He agreed, "and about the wedding. Did you find a dress yet?"

"No..." She pouted, "my grandma doesn't want me to get a white dress."

"Why so, isn't that the traditional colour?"

"Not in India." She smiled sheepishly, "well, everyone does whatever they want now-a-days but my grandma's a little old fashioned. And white is worn at funerals generally."

"Oh, it's so different everywhere then!" He never thought about it until now, "what colour do you want to get then?"

"I want a white, but ahe wants me to get a red one. She said 'You're not having your funeral, you're getting married', it pissed me off. Not like she's paying a single penny. Just not going to take her or my mum to the next appointment at this boutique Brielle found." She shared mocking her grandma's way of talking, giving him yet another bite of her pizza and he was eating it. "Like she's ever going to be invited to either of those."

"Hey, don't say that!" He gasped.

"Right, she won't live that long anyway."

"Oh god, you're a meanie." He gasped again, "big, big, big meanie!"

"Yeah? And that old wrinkly lady isn't?" She chuckled, "she was trying to find me a guy at my sister's. I was fourteen years old!"

"Touché."

"Yeah, and she did. A thirty-two year old man." She added. "Luckily my parents got minds of their own and stood up for me."

"What the fuck!"

"Yeah." She nodded. "He was rich actually, he owned a big finance and insurance company in Saudi."

"So he is rich, rich?" He was stunned.

"Yup, a turn of about eighty-five mil to one billion." She shared, "he died though, Cardiac arrest, five years ago."

"A big loss." He scrunched up his nose.

"Meh, I don't care." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, and now you've a Fiancé who's a decent, indie singer." He nodded, "worth it."

"You are anything but Indie, darling." She laughed. "My wait was worth though, now I can be a trophy wife I want to." She leaned back over the fluffy pillow.

"Oh definitely wouldn't mind that." He agreed and scooted closer to sit next to her taking a yet another bite of the slice in her hand, maintaining a eye contact.

"What in the Italian Christian Grey!" She almost choked on the dough in the mouth.

"What's gotten into you today?" Harry laughed, he fetched water just in case. "Being so funny, did you get accidentally drunk?"

"That was sexy not gonna lie." She shared ignoring his remarks.

"Well," he blushed.

"Awh, look at you blushing, my shy baby!" She cooed leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Just just make him giggle again as he chewed on the fold.

Alas he pulled himself together and draped his arm around her shoulder to bring her closer to him. She was just too busy dipping the crust in the complimentary cheese dip.

"Where do you fancy going to for our honeymoon?" He asked. To be honest they planned anything of their honeymoon. Harry wants it to be special and somewhere she haven't been to before, which is a lot of places. He's just lucky he gets paid to travel and perform in diffe parts of the world.

"I don't quite know yet," she spoke with her mouth full of food, "is there anywhere you want to go?"

"I want to know where you want to go, baby." He pushed the baby hairs off her face, "just want to listen to you with this."

"Finally!" She gasped dramatically. Harry has taken almost everything about the wedding planning on himself. "Finally you admitted it!"

"Hey!"

"No, you've taken over everything. I don't know how you switched the plan of The Savoy hotel to your house in Italy!" She sighed dramatically. "The Gucci room isn't available on our wedding, is it?"

"It is, but figured it would be more private if we got married on our own property, baby." He explained, "everything we have, we share now."

"Okay." She nodded, "I don't know how long I'd be able to take on the break for. I guess we can go somewhere near England?"

"Doesn't matter baby, just tell me two of your dream vacation countries or cities and I'll take you there." He said, "and the owner of your cafe is my school friend, I can talk to him for you."

"What?" She almost chocked on cheese and dough, "he's your friend and you never told me that?"

"Well, I never got the chance to.' he shrugged sheepishly, "but I can still talk to him."

"I don't know, I love my job." She pouted. "I don't want him to fire me."

"He won't baby." Harry assured her, "now come on give me two names."

"We can either go to Puerto Rico or Greece?"

"Those are amazing options!" He never thought of those places, "and I've never been to countries. How about we go to both? We can spend a month in Puerto Rico and a month in Greece."

"That's a lot."

"No it's not." He countered, "I've been touring for two and half years, I deserve a long, long honeymoon and vacation with my wife by my side."

"What about our new house? We haven't even started looking for one." She reminded him.

Look, YN can either afford to pay at least some amount for the house or spend it all on their honeymoon plans. No way in heavens Harry's gonna make the trip cheap. He'll find his way to make it extravagant. She'd feel too bad if he's the only one paying for everything.

"We'll start looking for one as soon as we get back." He assured her, "and we have a lot more work to do, we have a baby to make!"

"Yes we do." She blushed. "But seriously, Harry, I don't think I can afford a trip that long."

"Baby!" He cooed, "it's a wedding present from me to you. And you're refusing for me to get you an actual present. So this is perfect."

"I'd feel too bad." She pouted, "you won't let me get you anything either."

"I'm sure you're not going to sit still until you get me anything, baby, so I'd say it's fair enough." He pointed out, "come on, please? Let me take you somewhere you've always wanted to go!"

"Okay, let's go to Greece but just for two weeks."

"Four?" He negotiated.

"Okay!" She sighed in defeat, there is no point in negotiating with his there. He's going to just tease her further. They sealed their deal with a kiss. "Oh god, why is this so stressful? We have to register for our marriage certificate."

"We'll have my lawyer do that for us, baby, don't worry about it." He assured her.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

"I, uhhhh, want to take your last name." She shared hesitantly.

"You want to?" He looked rather shocked.

"Mhmm." She nodded, "you don't mind that right, you seem shocked?"

"Of course I don't baby. I just did not expect that, yes. But I'm happy either way." He shrugged. "You really want to do that?"

"Mhmm." She nodded snuggling closer to him.

They talked more about their wedding planning, and preparations until one of them was fast asleep. Well, it was YN fell asleep first.

......................................................................

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edenaziraphale · 3 months

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When I first started reading xxxHolic I always wondered why Yuko lived the way she did- drinking constantly, smoking like a chimney, attitude like she’s got nothing to gain or lose from any of this-

And then as the series is approaching it’s end we find out there really is nothing. She’s dead, she should have died so so long ago and this existence that she’s trapped in is the closest to hell most people are ever going to get. She is lonely and probably in pain, and waiting for the day she knows is coming, the one which will right the wrongs that kept her alive in the first place. Yuko is waiting to finally be allowed to die.

She knows there’s important work to be done first. She knows there will be a beautiful but achingly sad little boy, as lonely as herself, who has to be loved into reality, and that she needs to guide him toward the people who will help him survive, lest he disappear the same moment she does.

But the drinking, the smoking, the drama she can’t help but be blasé about- those are numbing. They’re distractions and they help to pass the time. At least she gets to leave, I thought. I can’t imagine what would happen if this were a stuck-in-a-tower kind of curse.

But we didn’t have to imagine, because we see it.

Watanuki takes up the mantle.

Yuko didn’t anticipate loving this boy. Most of that has been burned out of her by now, too tired to hope for anything but rest.

But she didn’t expect his eyes to be quite that big, that sad. And when she meets him and the power inside of her reaches (without her permission, as it has always been prone to doing) for a glimpse of his future, she’s struck by the sensation of emptiness. Of nothing. An apartment whose tenant the landlord can’t remember. A desk with no child inside. Anger. A boy whose dark eyes search halls for something he doesn’t know or understand. A family name which carries a legacy that Yuko remembers. Yuko worked so hard to will life into Watanuki, spent so long teaching him the selfishness and the tragedy of his own sacrificial self loathing. He didn't need to be a martyr, there was nothing he needed to die for. He was a casualty of a war that had nothing to do with him. She tried, over and over and over, to offer him a way out. I think all the time about how she must have felt knowing that Watanuki took on her imprisonment and compounded it, made it that much more intense, made it that much worse. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. I wonder if it hurt.

#xxxholic #douwata #kimihiro watanuki #yuko #doumeki shizuka #holic tag #i really do think about this a lot LMAO

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from-the-clouds · 11 months

Text

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. xiv

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | chapter summary: The final chapter pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 9.2k (I love being insane) chapter warnings: SMUT (18+only) - unprotected sex. Insecurity/Jealousy. Angst/arguments. Discussions of death, blood and injuries. Alcohol & Marijuana use. Fluff. Bisexual reader (happy pride ya'll!). As always please dm for more specifics. a/n: This could probs use another round of proofreading but it would've delayed this even longer sooooo.... Here we go! I feel pretty emo right now and I might make a more in-depth post about my thoughts at a later date bc I just finished writing this in a hot daze so I can't put all my thoughts coherently together. But I just wanna say thank you to everyone who supported and gave love to this story. This is by far the most popular fic I've ever written, and I don't really know how? Or what I did to deserve all the love but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with me through all the angst and delayed updates and everything. I'll never forget you and I'll never forget Joel x Reader!! Thank you so much, I hope the finale lives up to your expectations! ❤️

**I DO NOT HAVE A TAGLIST. Please follow @ftcwriting and turn on notifs if you would like to be notified when I update my works :) **

I’m not the kind of man who tends to socialize I seem to lean on old familiar ways….

-May 16, 2024-

“Are you sure you’re okay if I leave you here alone?”

Ethan’s voice jolts you out of a daze, and you blink your eyes open, realizing that you’d dozed off while sitting upright in a patio chair, the cheesy romance novel you’d been reading still lying open on your lap. Turning to look over your shoulder, you find him standing with one foot on the deck, and one foot still inside, cut in half by the sliding glass door.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up and nod. “Of course. I’ll be fine.”

Ethan studies you carefully, like he’s not entirely convinced. He’s been hesitant to leave you alone unless it’s absolutely necessary – only stepping away from the house to go on patrol shifts and to bring home meals from the mess hall. Recovery has made you feel like a burden to him – to all your friends in the community, really. Everyone….well, almost everyone, has been supportive, but you’ve never been comfortable being openly vulnerable.

Unfortunately, it’s too hard to deny the pain that you’ve been in since the accident, the trouble you have getting around, the exhaustion that clings no matter how many long naps and twelve-hour nights of sleep you get. According to the doctors, being so tired is just part of recovery – rest is important, but the concoction of pain medication you’ve been prescribed only makes your drowsiness and confusion worse. It had been a big deal that tonight you’d mustered the energy to drag yourself outside to sit in the fresh air.

“I’m fine,” you assure Ethan, once again. “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not really a date,” he says, almost a little too quickly. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Right,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Do I know who this person is?”

Ethan looks at his feet. “You remember the day this shit happened?” he asks, gesturing towards you. “Before you left on patrol, the girl that said hi to me? It’s her. Her name is Alex.”

“Oh?” you tilt your head, give him a small smile. “She was cute. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well,” he begins, scratching the back of his neck. “I may have…uh, gotten some advice.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?” you’re able to muster up a small smile.

“I would’ve, I just…..” he shakes his head. “It seemed stupid…with everything you have going on.”

“It’s not stupid,” you say, feeling a wave of guilt. Even though he’s the one looking after you, you haven’t spoken to him much about anything going on in his life. In fact, you haven’t really spoken to anyone in a long time, beyond thank you’s and blanket statements like I’m doing better. You feel disconnected, and more lonely than ever. If you ever get enough energy to leave your house, you expect most of the people in the community to have forgotten you exist. “Who’d you ask?”

“Uhm….” Ethan runs a hand through his long dark hair, shifts his weight. “….I’ve been assigned on patrol with Joel Miller a lot lately….so….”

You almost laugh when he uses Joel’s full name. Joel has been such a huge part of your life – sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain – that you don’t need to hear his last name to know who Ethan’s talking about. You could know a thousand Joel’s, and he’d still be the first person that came to mind. But Joel is still a sore subject, and Ethan knows it, which is why you suspect he’s avoided telling you this in the first place. You feel your eyebrows knit together, only able to let out an unenthused. “Oh.”

“I just, you know….he’s a guy. And it sounds like you even liked him at one point so….he must know something, right?”

“That was a long time ago,” you say quickly, regardless of the fact that he’s right.

It’s probably not fair to blame Joel for everything that has happened to you. You know this, deep down. But you’ve been so helpless and isolated since you’ve woken up in that hospital bed that you’re desperate to find someone to hold accountable. And Joel hadn’t visited you in the hospital once. By this point, he’s abandoned you so many times that your resentment feels justified, even if your current state is not directly his fault. Because it was you, after all, who had walked into the path of those men, too angry to think clearly, too weak to take them down alone. The only person you can blame is yourself, and you really don’t want to.

“Did he tell you to take her out on patrol, make her cry, and almost get her killed?”

Ethan clicks his tongue, looks down, almost ashamed. “No. He did not.”

“You should be careful with Joel,” you warn.

“I was…” Ethan says. “But I don’t think it’s that simple. I think he’s actually alright.”

“So you’re friends with him now,” you state, hoping he refutes. But instead, he looks up at you, frowns, and lifts his chin.

“What happened to you was horrible. It shouldn’t have happened. And yeah, maybe you think he’s the reason you almost died…. I don’t know the specifics so you can believe whatever you want. But I know that he’s the reason you’re still alive.” Ethan’s voice breaks, and you feel tears brimming your eyes before he continues. “He brought you back here, he donated his blood, he-”

“What?” you cut him off.

“What do you mean, what?” Ethan asks. “He was the only person there who had your blood type. You would’ve died if he didn’t. They didn’t tell you this?”

“Whatever it took to make him feel less guilty, sounds like,” you say, dismissively.

Something hot burns in your veins, something that must have always been there since you woke up, but you’re only feeling it now. It’s unsettling, Joel being a part of you that way. Your lives had already seemed intertwined enough already. But now, he’s inescapable.

“Well, he stayed by your side every night while you were asleep. Fuck, I mean, he was probably there just as often as I was. He made sure I ate, and slept and showered and… and he never once asked for anything in return. He cares about you as much as I do, clearly, so I don’t think it’s wrong to think he’s a good guy….”

You must not care about me that much, you want to say, but you stop yourself. Because it’s not true, and you’d only be saying it to hurt him. You have nothing to defend yourself with, no way to convince him otherwise, and so you just stare at him until he shakes his head and slips back inside.

Ethan is stubborn, he always has been. And it’s a special kind of stubbornness, fueled by anger – so common in most of the young people you meet these days. You understand why they’re all like this. When you’re robbed of your childhood – you get stuck there….waiting….. Like someday you’ll have a chance to do it all over again, regardless of how obvious it is that you won’t.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-May 25, 2024-

Things get better, albeit slowly. You begin to wean off the pain medication, which makes you more alert. It’s still difficult to leave your house, but you can move around it more easily, and you don’t spend all your days sleeping. Luckily, you aren’t as stir-crazy as you’d been expecting.

One afternoon, Ellie Williams shows up on your doorstep with a bag full of groceries.

“Maria wanted me to bring these to you,” she says when you open the door. “She told me to tell you she’ll be over tomorrow, but she wanted me to give you these to tide you over.”

“That’s very nice. Thank you for bringing them to me,” you try to take the bag from her hands, but she steps back just a little, like she’s unsure if you should be carrying anything. You let your hands drop to your sides. “Would you like to come in?”

Ellie hesitates for a split second, adjusting the bag in her arms, and then nods. “Sure.”

Stepping to the side, you allow her into the home. Because of how warm it is outside, you’ve opened all the windows to let the breeze through.

“Sorry for the mess,” you say, Ellie following you into the living room. There are stacks of books and pill bottles with instructions scattered on your countertop. You haven’t swept the floors in awhile and all the hard surfaces are covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s not really that bad, but you don’t have the energy or strength to be on your feet for long – let alone to clean the house.

“I don’t mind,” Ellie says. “It’s not even that bad. I don’t know why older people worry about leaving your house messy and shit….no offense.”

“There was a time it used to matter,” you tell her. “And I see where you’re coming from, but my thing is – if you’re going to live somewhere, you should do what you can to make yourself feel comfortable.”

Ellie purses her lips, as if you’ve made a good point but she doesn’t know how to answer. Instead, you continue. “Can I get you anything? Water?”

“No, I’m okay,” she puts the bag on your kitchen counter.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you tell her. “I just need a moment to put these away.”

When you walk into your living room a few minutes later, she’s hovering near your record player, looking through the vinyls. The turntable was already in the house when you’d arrived years ago, but it was buried in the closet and broken. Ethan had managed to fix it after a little troubleshooting and scavenging for parts. Now, you both were always looking for records to bring home, and had amassed quite the eclectic collection – jazz, funk, hip-hop, and everything in between.

“Wow,” Ellie says, running her fingers along the shelved records. “You found all these?”

“Some of them were already here. But yeah. Ethan and I are always on the lookout on patrol. I can play you something. What do you like?”

“Eighties, I think,” she says. “But…I also haven’t heard as much.”

“Well here,” you thumb through the records, pull out a worn copy of Speaking In Tongues. “How about some Talking Heads?”

You pass the record over to her, and she stares at you blankly. It’s only then that you realize — she’s never used a record player before. There’s a familiar pang of sadness before you show her how.

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie eyes you wearily once the music starts, and you settle onto the couch, feeling a little worn out after being on your feet.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m older now, so it seems like healing takes a lot more time.”

Ellie nods, then bobs her head to the music a little. “This is better than most of the stuff Joel likes.”

“Oh yeah,” you smirk, and instinctually, you recall his enthusiasm for all things old-school country. “I remember that,” you say softly.

With so much time on your hands lately, you’ve found yourself thinking of Joel a lot, reminiscing on the time you’d spent with him and Sarah. What Ethan had told you about him staying by your side was definitely making you reconsider your assessment of him, even if you were still hesitant. It was probably a trap to think you’d ever be able to feel those things with him again, but if remembering them brought you comfort, you weren’t going to resist it.

“You’re more than welcome to come over to listen anytime,” you offer, and she nods excitedly.

Ellie stays for longer than you expect. You talk a fair bit. She tells you about what she’s learning in school – but mostly how ‘fucking useless’ it is. She wanders around your living room and pokes through your stuff without asking, but you don’t think to stop her – you just answer her questions and let her be curious.

Eventually, the sun dips below the horizon, and she excuses herself to go home, insisting that Joel will ‘fucking kill her’ if she’s out too late. Even though you’re exhausted after entertaining her for a few hours, you find it feels nice. Being on house arrest, essentially, had left your starved for connection outside Maria and Ethan.

You see her out the door before returning to your refrigerator to look for something to eat. Ethan will be back from patrol any minute, so it may be nice to make him something even if you have almost no energy.

But when there’s another knock on your front door, you’re shocked to see who you find staring on your porch.

Joel.

You almost forget to speak at the sight of him. It’s been weeks since your accident and he might as well have moved away from Jackson since you hadn’t seen him at all.

“Hey,” you say, tentatively, taking him in. He seems preoccupied – cheeks flushed, hair rumpled, and out of breath, like he had run all the way to get here.

“Have you seen Ellie?” he asks, not even greeting you in return. “I’ve looked everywhere and I-

“You just missed her,” you cut him off, not because you’re trying to dismiss him, but because he's clearly distressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t see her on your way over.”

Joel sighs, eyes closing in relief. “Thank God.” For a second, you glimpse the frazzled and overworked father you used to know. “She stayed out too late, had me worried sick.”

“She’s fine,” you say. “Although she did say you might kill her if she didn’t get home soon.”

Joel gives you an almost imperceptible smile, but seems mostly irritated by Ellie’s suggestion. “I would do no such thing.” He shakes his head and takes two steps backwards. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to be a bother.”

Your mind floats to a memory of Joel on your front porch, late getting home from work and looking for Sarah, and you can’t help but feel a bit of sadness and longing for a simpler time, a surge of affection.

Joel is halfway down your front porch steps when you speak again. “You aren’t bothering me.”

He pauses, turns to look over his shoulder. There’s something he wants to say, you can feel it, and you step outside, letting the door fall shut behind you and remaining huddled against the siding, and he turns to face you fully, sighing. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, actually….”

“Oh…really?” you can’t keep the surprise from your voice, and he notices.

“Yeah,” Joel rubs his fingers together, a nervous habit of his you know all too well. “Yeah. I- well, I wanted to apologize to you.”

You’re so startled by the words you can’t answer right away. But the split second of hesitation causes Joel to continue, looking to fill the empty space.

“I’ve been waiting to find the right thing to say….but it doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen. I’m not even sure I know where to start.”

“Oh,” is all you can manage, still taken aback. The only thing that doesn’t surprise you about his admission is the sincerity. You could say a lot of things about Joel, but he isn’t a liar. He always tells the truth. Maybe it’s why he pulled away from you to begin with. It’s easier than the alternative – spending time with you, which would force him to be honest. For how much you’ve changed, you’d probably do the same.

But the thing with Joel is that you’re exhausted. You’re tired of the back and forth, of the push and pull, of the constant struggle to hold your care over each other's head, hoping the other will break first. Maybe this is a fresh start.

You step closer to him, and you see him study the way you move. Of course, you’re trying to look strong, but he can surely sense the weakness. He’d always been good at that, better than any of the others. Your hand comes to rest on the porch railing for support.

But…..

There’s that voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you this is a mistake. The one that reminds of the pain you’ve often earned through vulnerability. It likes to think it’s served you, protected you, and it has. But it’s not always right.

“I suppose I owe you an apology, too,” you say. “At the very least I should thank you for what you did.”

Joel shakes his head, dismissively, but looks to where your hand rests on the porch railing, looks back up to you as he reaches out. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

His hand clasps over yours, and to anyone else, this might be nothing. It’s so innocent, unassuming. But the effect it has on you is palpable. He squeezes once, and you flip your hand over, squeezing his back, giving him a gentle smile. “I am too.”

Joel’s eyes fill with a warmth you haven’t seen in twenty years, and your stomach flutters, your heart races. A part of yourself that you’d considered long dead seems to rouse.“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I told Ellie we’d go to the mess hall together,” Joel says. “Otherwise I would.”

You blink once, and Joel sees it, immediately continuing on. “But maybe Ellie and I can come another time, join you and Ethan?”

“Yeah. He’d like that,” you say. “That might be nice.” ─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-June 20, 2024-

You think that at the end of a long winter, bears must hate coming out of hibernation.

It must suck. They spend months sleeping, doing almost nothing, and then suddenly they’re forced to function again – to hunt, to eat, to roam, to survive and socialize. You imagine there has to be a learning curve, a desire to crawl back into their den and never leave again.

Or maybe you could be wrong, and they love it. And you’re just a wimp who hates feeling uncomfortable.

All you know is that you’re huddled in the back corner of the Tipsy Bison, nursing a whiskey – and it’s the last place you want to be.

You’re overwhelmed.

And despite the fact that you regularly used to attend community events, it’s been so long since you've been out in Jackson that you feel like you don’t belong. To some extent, you’ve always felt this – too hardened by the outside world to fully assimilate, especially when the town throws dances. But in the past, you at least attempted to convince yourself otherwise.

Two weeks back, the doctors had cleared you to go about your daily activities as normal – within reason, of course – but you hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity. Tonight, Ethan had accused you of becoming ‘antisocial’ and ‘reclusive’. You had agreed to attend – but only to beat those allegations. So far, you are definitely not.

You scan the crowd, taking in the people spinning around the dance floor. Some of the women are wearing dresses. You can’t help but feel a little envious of how easily they’re able to perform femininity, which is something you’d given up on a while ago. It hadn’t exactly served you before arriving in Jackson, and you predict it would be humiliating to start trying now. After all the things you’d experienced, you were left marred with scars and wrinkles, stretch marks and loose skin. Since then, you’ve remained loyal to the combination of men’s denim and tank tops with flannel-button downs overtop.

It doesn’t always stop the men in the community from descending like vultures. You might be the last pick – there are plenty others who are younger and prettier – but you’re still an option. Bea, your old partner, had always theorized that some men were particularly drawn to sapphic women, that it was ‘the ultimate challenge’. Maybe there is some truth to her theory, but you like men….sometimes. So there is always a part of you that yearns for their validation, for as many times as you tell yourself you don’t want it. But it never feels good to get it after you’ve watched them exhaust all their other options.

It’s pathetic, but it makes you think of Joel. He and Ellie had been over to yours and Ethans last week for a nice dinner, and you had tried to gauge whether there was any romantic connection between you still. Occasionally, you’d caught him looking at you with a wistful smile, but he could have been lost in thought. It’s not like you needed that from him or anything, but it might be useful information. After all this time, Joel is still so handsome, and probably has an impressive selection of potential partners here in Jackson – women of all ages. You hope he’s not here tonight – you can’t see much besides the dance floor at this point – because the thought of him cozied up to anyone here, combined with the acrid taste of the drink in your hand, makes you want to gag.

You take another look around the room. Eugene, your partner in crime – quite literally – is walking towards you, which helps quell your spiraling mind . If you talk to him, say hello to Tommy and Maria, maybe Ethan will see the effort you’re making and you can sneak out without having to deal with anyone. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s worth a shot. The sooner you can get home tonight, the better.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel can’t stop staring.

He knows it’s impolite. He knows that he’s not being subtle. He knows that if any other person in this bar followed his eyeline, they’d pick up on what he was doing in an instant. But every minute he doesn’t get called out for it, he becomes more and more emboldened.

It’s the first dance he’s ever been to in Jackson, and the only reason he’s here is to placate Ellie and Tommy. But even they have abandoned him in favor of better companions – his brother is deep in conversation with Maria, sitting across from him in a booth, and Ellie is out on the dance floor dancing with one of her new friends, Dina.

Joel just can’t help himself. He still feels guilty for what he’s done, but he can’t shake the feeling of a soft hand clasped within his own – the first time he’d felt any semblance of hope since arriving here. Tommy and Maria had already slyly let him know about all the women who were interested, but he couldn’t bring himself to entertain their advances. There’s only one he wants, and she won’t even look in his direction.

When he’d first noticed you, you were whispering with Eugene on the opposite side of the dance floor. According to Tommy, you spend a fair bit of your time with the old man, which Joel initially thought to mean that you had some sort of entanglement. At first, Joel thought that couldn’t be possible. But you were deep in focus as you listened to Eugene’s words, nodding and leaning in closer and closer, and Joel thinks Tommy might be right. He wants to understand what you see in this man – tall and unkempt, covered in tattoos with long, graying hair and a beard to match. But Joel catches himself in his judgment, he’s probably just as unappealing – not just because of how he’s aged, but because of how horrible he’s been to you in general.

The next time Joel sees you, you’re at the bar, chatting with a man who Maria had introduced him to not long ago, a resident who is new in town. Joel had been too busy focusing on the fact that he’d been in Jackson long enough to not be its newest resident that he couldn’t remember his name. He wishes he had, so he could keep tabs on him. Of course, he can’t blame the man for being drawn to you – Joel knows very well that you’re hard to miss in a crowd.

Still, Joel bristles when you both step away from the bar, and the man’s hand lands just above your sacrum. He actually finds himself tensing up, resisting the urge to intervene, because it’d likely only make you angry. Plus, maybe you are interested. That question is answered quickly when you reach behind your to clasp the man's hand and place it back at his side. Where it belongs, he thinks.

“Joel!”

He snaps his attention to what’s in front of him – interrupted, and probably for good measure, lest he get himself too worked up. Ethan approaches with a girl his age, her arm linked through his. Joel stands to greet them.

The terse understanding between himself and Ethan while you were still in the hospital had somehow turned into a friendship, especially after they’d begun getting paired up on patrol. Ethan reaches out for Joel’s hand to dap him up, slinging an arm briefly over his shoulder.

“How’s it going, kid?”

“Good, good,” Ethan nods, pulling back, and gestures to the girl next to him. “Joel, this is Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “Ethan’s told me all about you.”

“Really?” Joel asks, feeling a little bewildered.

“Only good things,” Alex says quickly, as if she senses his apprehension. Ethan puts his arm around her waist. Joel recalls a few weeks back when he’d asked for advice on how to ask out a girl. Joel hadn’t pried at the time, but now he seems to understand, and is surprised by the swell of pride he feels. “Ethan says you’re a fucking badass,”she giggles after she swears.

Joel looks over at Ethan. “I don’t know about that.”

He shrugs, changes the subject. “Since when do you come to these things?” Ethan asks.

“Ellie dragged me out,” Joel answers.

“I did the same with my aunt,” Ethan chuckles. “But now I can’t find her, and I’m pretty sure she’s escaped.”

“Oh, is she here?” Joel plays dumb, like he hasn’t been aware of exactly where you have been all night. “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she was with Eugene earlier,” Alex has to stand on her toes to speak into Ethan’s ear. Joel watches Ethan’s nose wrinkle.

“Do you know Eugene at all?” Ethan turns to Joel. “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on there, but she won’t say anything.”

Joel wishes that he had more information. “Tommy says they seem close.”

“I know that,” Ethan says. “I wish she would just be honest with me. It’s not like I would be mad. Whatever,” he shakes his head. “We can talk about it another time. I just want to find her so I can introduce her to Alex.”

“We should say hi to Tommy and Maria first,” Alex says, and Ethan nods in agreement before saying goodbye to him. Joel claps a hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he moves past him, and Alex gives him a shy smile in acknowledgement.

Focusing back on the crowd, Joel realizes that you’ve vanished in the short span of his last interaction. Maybe you’d rejected that guy, and then he’d retaliated. Maybe you’d gone home with Eugene. Joel shakes his hand. It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to get involved. It’s not his job to look after you, regardless of how much better he feels when he does. Old instincts. He can’t help himself.

He settles on watching Ellie and Dina spin each other around on the dance floor. Eventually, Tommy and Maria, then Ethan and Alex all trickle out of the booth to go get another round or head to dance. Joel stands to release the booth to someone who actually needs it – and is left in the corner, nursing a nearly empty beer that’s now flat and warm. He looks towards his family and friends, but for some reason, he still feels alone.

Joel isn’t sure how long he stands sulking, but he starts when someone approaches from behind.

“Having fun?”

You’re a pace or two back, one thumb hooked through a belt loop, a whiskey in your opposite hand. Joel looks back at the crowd a moment, then at the ground. “No.”

“Neither am I,” you commiserate, stepping alongside him.

Joel considers offering that Ethan was looking for you, but selfishly does not want to give you a reason to leave, so he stays quiet. You observe the dance floor like he is, smiling slightly at the sight of Ethan and Alex dancing. The flannel you’re wearing over a gray tank hangs loosely off one shoulder, and Joel wants to reach out and touch the exposed skin. You take your last sip of whiskey, bring a finger to swipe under your bottom lip, and Joel wishes he knew what you might taste like right now. He scolds himself for fantasizing.

You don’t speak either, and you stand in silence for a while, until you eventually pop your hip, shifting closer to him. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re already standing so close that your arm gets pressed up against his. Neither of you acknowledge the contact, but Joel is acutely aware of how your skin burns hot against his own. He feels comforted by the affection, even if it’s unintentional.

“Want to leave?” Joel asks, and can hardly believe that the words came out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to.

You look over at him, not bothering to hide your surprise, but your expression evens out quickly, and you give him a single nod. “Yeah.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel’s still not convinced this is real. It feels too much like a dream, the weather outside is so pleasantly warm it feels like he’s floating as you walk down the street. He had never expected you to agree to leave with him, and now he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say.

The greater distance you put between yourselves and the bar, the quieter the town is. Most of Jackson’s residents are at the dance, save for the guards at the front gate and the handful of people that had been mingling just outside.

He heads in the general direction of the neighborhood, even though he lives on a different street.

“What are we supposed to do now?” you wonder out loud, and you sound a little incredulous, like you’re equally as shocked to find yourself beside him. The question carries a bit more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

Joel contemplates. He’s not sure what he wants from you – there are a lot of things, actually – but he doesn’t know if he really deserves any of them. For now, your companionship is more than enough.

“You’re welcome to come back to mine,” he offers. “But if you’re looking to keep drinking, all the booze is back at the bar.”

“I’m good.” You shake your head like you’re uninterested, but look over at him with a sparkle in your eye. “I have something better….”

You reach into the pocket of your flannel and produce a rolled joint between two fingers, looking over your shoulder. “Those dances are usually terrible, so I always come prepared.”

Joel can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and the sheepish grin he gets in return makes his cheeks feel warm. “Where’d you even get that?”

“You’ve never been on patrol with Eugene, have you?” you ask. “He has a place just out of town where he grows it. I’ve been helping him since we first got paired up, and in exchange, I get to sample the supply.”

Of course. Joel would’ve never imagined that was the reason you were so close with Eugene, but it suddenly makes incredible sense. He shakes his head in a combination of relief and amusement. “You really haven’t changed.”

“Oh, I’m sure I have,” you answer, smiling to yourself and looking at the ground. “But of course I haven’t shaken all my bad habits.”

“That’s not true,” Joel mutters.

“Well, you haven’t changed either, for as much as you’ve tried to convince me,” you nudge him gently, offering him the joint. “What do you think?”

Joel plucks it from between your fingers and puts it between his lips. “I think I have a lighter at home.”

“Sounds perfect.”

In the front hallway of his house, you slip out of your tennis shoes, shuffling behind him in your socks, pausing occasionally to study some of the doodles that Ellie had drawn and hung on the walls – it wasn’t exactly a priority to decorate these days, but they certainly livened up the place. He knows how much Ellie likes you, despite the fact that she doesn’t gush, but the odd comment here and there says as much. Joel remembers how difficult it had been to keep Sarah away, and Ellie now is no different. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself, either.

You sit next to Joel on his wicker couch, curling your feet up under you as he lights the joint and study him while he takes the first few puffs. He does it without thinking. That’s how soft Jackson has made him. Normally, he’d be too stressed about being out of his wits. But he can’t see how hypervigilance has served him since settling down. He feels safe here, and somehow especially because he’s with you.

When he passes the joint your way, you look at him wistfully. “Old times,” you say with a grin.

Joel nods as he exhales, coughing. “Old times.”

“Oh yeah,” you say, as if you just remembered something. “You can’t tell Ethan about this. He doesn’t know, and he will give me shit about it. I need him to take me seriously.”

Joel shakes his head. “Well, you know, it sounds like he and Tommy both think you and Eugene are together.”

“What?” your head jerks forward in shock, eyes going wide. “Oh my god, no. Do people think that?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Joel wants to mention how he had seen you whispering to each other at the bar earlier, but then realizes it’d give a bit too much away. “That’s what they think.”

“Well....historically speaking I might’ve liked older men…. but not that old.”

Joel purses his lips. “You’ve lived here awhile, huh?” When you nod, he continues. “Has no one caught your eye?”

“Uhm….not really. But….” you trail off, looking into Joel’s backyard. “To be completely honest, I don't think about that much these days. I guess I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to push it.”

Joel understands, and nods pensively.

“What about you?” you ask.

“I guess I feel the same.”

That causes you to smile a little bit, look over at him. “I bet you already know this. But the women here would line up down the block for you.”

Joel can’t help but roll his eyes, though he wonders if you would, too. Even if you did like him, that didn’t seem like your style.

“I’m serious. I’ve heard the things they whisper behind your back. All their fantasies about you are pretty creative...”

“Fantasies?” He grimaces. He imagines none of them know anything about who he really is. You’re the closest thing, and all he’s done is hurt you. “I’m sure you were quick to set them straight.”

“I don’t say anything,” you say, then continue on, a little quieter, looking at him from under your lashes. “I like to keep you to myself.”

Joel isn’t sure how to respond to that. You have every right to tell all of them that you were once together, and all the ways he’s hurt you since. Yet for some reason, you’ve chosen to protect him.

“So….all this time….” you wonder. “You had to have been with other people, right?”

Joel doesn’t think to hold back. “I had a partner for a long time. Tess. First, it was all business, I helped her smuggle things in and out of the Boston QZ…and then, I don’t know….we got along, we trusted each other and…” Joel trails off, hoping you’d put together the rest before he has to go into too much detail. “She was real fuckin’ tough. Scared me a little at first. You would’ve liked her.”

“Well, we already have one thing in common. What happened?”

“She’s the whole reason I ended up out here….with Ellie,” Joel explains. “But I lost her a little over a year ago.”

He hopes you don’t ask how. Maybe someday he’d be willing to go into detail, but talking about it generally is hard enough as it is. But fortunately, you seem to pick up on his hesitance. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you say softly.

He shakes his head. “I was an asshole. To her. I should've....after Sarah died I didn’t want to get attached, so I kept her at arms length and I... I wished I hadn’t in the end. It only made things worse.”

“Yeah,” you nod, look down. “I’ve made that mistake before.”

Joel doesn’t want to linger any longer on the memory. “What about you? Were you with anyone?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you fidget, looking uncomfortable. “I had a partner….for like ten years."

Ten years? He had been with Tess for more, but something about that information feels jarring. He’s shocked Tommy never told him this. Did Tommy even know? Suddenly, it dawns on Joel everything that could’ve happened to you since you’ve been apart. Entire lifetimes. And he’d said such horrible things when you’d fought. He remembers your face when he’d told you that you didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Maybe you had. He’d been so cruel and inconsiderate just because he was uncomfortable.

His throat feels tight, almost scared to learn anymore. “What…what was his name?”

“Well, Bea….was her name.”

Joel is sure he doesn't hide the shock well. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t think I did either. Well, I sort of did, but I was too young I think when I first realized to make any sense of it, but…. I met her and…yeah,” then, you smirk. “I mean, I went to an all-girls school and I had a really bad relationship with my dad so…it definitely makes sense. ”

Joel considers this, smiles along with you. “But anyways. Her and I met shortly after my brother died and it was kind of the same. We kept each other alive, things developed from there. We ended up getting involved with this group who lived in the middle of nowhere. That’s a whole other story, but…” you wave your hand. “I loved her, and I lost her right before Ethan and I got here.”

Joel sees all the pain in your eyes, and wishes he could say something to take it all away. He knows he can’t. You look back out into the woods in his backyard, take a deep breath, and reach back towards the joint that you had put out not long before, lighting it again. Joel gets the sense that both of you had done the most amount of sharing possible for the time being.

“Look at us,” you take another drag before passing it over. “Old times.”

“Old times,” he repeats, a smile working its way onto his face.

“This used to be my favorite thing to do with you.”

“It was nice,” Joel agrees….hesitates before continuing. “But I can think of some things I liked better.” He gives you a knowing look, and you roll your eyes, laughing easily at his joke. It feels so good to make you laugh, to see you smile. Why had he spent so much time resisting?

“Touche.”

What happens next spills out of Joel so quickly he doesn’t think to stop it. “I tried to look for you….after all this happened. I didn’t have Sarah anymore, and I thought maybe….I don’t know. It was the only thing that kept me going for a while.”

“I did too,” you confess. “But…I was with Vincent and Ethan, and I felt like I couldn’t leave them alone for something that might just be…. I always hoped you both made it. And I’m so sorry she’s gone. I really did love her.”

“I know you did,” Joel reaches out to take your hand. “I know. And I shouldn’t have said those things I did. I’m still not sure why you’ve been so patient with me.”

“Hmm,” you shift so that you’re closer to him. “You waited around for me back then. It’s only fair that I’d wait around for you now. I want you in my life. I don’t care what that looks like. But it’s too hard to forget about a person that you loved.”

Joel wants as much from you as you’re willing to give, and he can’t tear his gaze away from you. But he wants you to see him, all of him, before he takes it.

“I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve done a lot of h-horrible things,” his voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes.

“I have, too, you know? Those things still live with me. But I think what matters is who we are now,” you reach out, fingertips brushing the scar on his temple, and Joel swears that even if you don’t know the story behind it, you can see right through him. “And I know who you are.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”

“You won’t,” you say. “No more than anyone else has. And if it makes you feel better…when people hurt me, I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting them back.”

“If I do, I’d hope you would.”

“I will. I promise,” your thumb strokes his cheek, marveling at him. “I would suggest a blood oath or something but….I heard we kind of already did that…”

He’s given you every warning, every barrier, and you’re still here. He can’t believe it, and he doesn’t think he can hold back any longer. “Come here.”

He kisses you. He wishes that he could be slow and tender and gentle like he used to be – and certainly he’s still capable, but he realizes that he’s been depriving himself of something he wanted for so long, and can’t seem to control himself.

Your hands land on the side of his face, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap. Maybe you’re somewhat taken aback by his urgency, you hum against his lips, but you don’t resist at all. Joel maneuvers you so you’re straddling his thighs, and he grips your hips, your ass, coasts his hands up your side. Your lips part in a moan, and he slips his tongue into your mouth.

For a while, he stays there, savors the taste of you, whiskey and smoke still lingering on your lips. His hands cup your jaw, feel your body, grip and squeeze and stroke and you let him, continue to let him. He tries everything, wondering if you’ll tell him to stop, if you’ll decide you’ve had too much, but you don’t. Then again, he should know by now that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. He just finds it’s hard to believe that he’s the thing you want.

You break away from him, just a little, and Joel presses his nose to your neck, kisses your pulse point.

“Should we go upstairs?” your voice is raspy and breathless. “Will Ellie be home soon?”

“Probably not for a while. We can be quick.”

“Hopefully not too quick,” you raise your eyebrows. Joel can’t help but laugh a little. He relishes in the way your hands rake up and down his arms, exploring him, touching him. Of course he wants you, but even just this would be enough. He’d be content with less, he hadn’t realized how starved of affection he’d been.

You’re able to pry yourselves off one another to make it up the stairs, and Joel guides you with a hand to the small of your back. When you get to his bedroom, he opens the door, but stops you before you go inside.

“Hold on,” Joel mutters, winding one arm around your waist, the other behind your knee.

“Joel, what-no, you’ll–” he pulls you into his arms.

“Do you really think I’m not strong enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” you chuckle as he carries you over the threshold and into the bedroom, breath puffing against him before he lays you down on the bed.

When he hovers over you, your fingers wind into his hair, nails raking against his scalp. He savors every sweet sigh he’s able to pull from you, hands cupping your breasts and squeezing your hips. You’re so pliant and open beneath his body, it makes it easier to not feel guilty about what he’s doing. He knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, you’ve said as much, but it might take some time before the feeling will die completely. Hopefully, he has enough time with you to see it off completely.

Clothes are removed quickly, intentionally, as you both bare more and more of yourself to each other. And while he wishes he could’ve been there to see the ways in which your body has changed, you’re still as beautiful as ever.

Joel, however, is hesitant to give himself away completely. When you tug at the hem of his shirt, he hesitates.

“I don’t know if-” he pauses. “If you want to see all that.”

“Joel,” you stare at him knowingly, kneeling across from him as he stands at the edge of the bed. “I do.”

So he releases your hand, and lets you pull it over his head. Carefully, you study him, his body littered with scars. He knows he’s not as in shape as you remember. These days, he hardly can look at himself in the mirror after a shower. He expects you to be disgusted, or at least see it flit across your face before you compose yourself, but you don’t. Your fingertips drag through the smattering of hair on his chest and down his torso, tracing several prominent scars – each one with a story – but you linger on the one at his abdomen, frowning.

He sees the question on your face, but you don’t ask it. Instead, you return to press yourself against him. “I’m so glad you’re still here….”

You kiss him, then, and Joel can only kiss you back.

Joel isn’t the only one with battle scars. Some of them he feels are his fault, but you seem less self-concious about them, which gives him a surprising amount of confidence. Maybe it’s just a reality of what happens when you make it this long.

When you’re finally bare beneath him, he admires how you look, stretched out and waiting, chest heaving and shivering with anticipation. He slides his hand between your legs – feels you already wet and warm, sinking two fingers inside. Your walls flutter around the intrusion, back arcing off the bed when you sigh out his name. Joel.

He’d forgotten how nice it felt to hear that.

Joel is already thinking about what he’d like to do to you next time. He’d be more careful, more patient. He’d bury his face between your thighs to see if you tasted as good as he remembers, he’d let your fingers curl into his hair. But right now you both seem desperate for the same thing.

He pumps his cock a few times with his hand, he can’t remember the last time he’d been this hard – the last time he’s wanted anyone this badly. Even with Tess, it had always felt like the both of them were hurrying to scratch an itch, her eyes would wander like she was thinking of other people, and maybe he was, too.

Joel lines himself up with your slick cunt, teases you a little, and you roll your body down to meet him, gasping when his blunt head slides in – just a little.

He can’t hold back. You practically suck him in, so tight and hot around him he finds it immediately overwhelming, but he doesn’t even think to pull out. Only when he’s fully seated inside you, and given you a chance to adjust, does he start to move.

It’s euphoric. You’re both older now, more mature, but he still remembers all the things you liked, even if it takes a moment for him to find the spot inside you that makes you cry out, legs wrapping around his hips.

Unlike before, you don’t bother trying to hide from him. You kiss him, hold him, touch him, look him in the eyes, tell him how good he feels – you don’t hold back. Joel relishes every word you say, clings to the praise and gives it back. Your lashes flutter when he tells you how pretty you look.

He can think of nothing else other than bringing you pleasure, can tell you’re getting close when you begin to rut against him, and he reaches down to let the pads of his fingers slide over your clit.

When you come, you whine his name, lock your lips with his own and he swallows your moans. The feeling of you so impossibly tight and wet and pulsing and squeezing him so tightly has him following closely after.

His head is still buried in the crook of your neck when you speak again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The second Joel pulls out, he starts missing how close he felt to you. But you fix that by rolling over onto your stomach, curling up at his side, head on his chest, and arm across his stomach.

“Joel. Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He’s far from it. But he’s starting to think if you say it enough, maybe he’ll start to believe it. He turns his head to kiss you gently, slowly. “So are you.”

“We can do this again, right?” you ask.

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, we can.”

“Good,” you settle back against him, and very slowly, he dozes off with you right beside him. He doesn’t want to sleep alone again, and luckily, he doesn’t have to.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-December 4th, 2026-

When you return home from patrol, you find Joel in his living room – boots off and socked feet propped on the arm of the couch. You don’t notice his eyes are closed, that he’s asleep, until you get closer, see the book he’d been reading resting on his chest as he snores lightly. You can’t help but feel for him – he’s probably exhausted from constant patrols, so he must be tired.

But mostly, you’re just overwhelmed by the love you feel for him, catching him in a quiet moment of vulnerability. Hesitantly, you reach out and squeeze his foot. It’s gentle and tender enough that he blinks his eyes open and looks around, taking in his surroundings, rather than jolting awake like he often does. When he sees you on the opposite end of the couch, he melts back into the pillow he’s propped against.

“Hey, stud,” you lean against the arm of the couch.

“Hey,” Joel answers, voice still gruff with sleep. “How long was I out?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just got in.”

“Hmm,” Joel closes his eyes again, folds his hands across his stomach.

“You’re wearing the glasses I got you,” you point out. They’re simple. Rectangular black frames. You’d found them on patrol, and brought them home after Joel had been complaining that he could barely see when he read before bed. But he’d tried them on and insisted he hated the way they looked, so you’d ended up using them most of the time.

“They do work,” he grumbles, like he’s ashamed to admit it. “But I still think they look stupid.”

“You look like a sexy librarian,” Joel rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s suppressing a grin. There’s always a bit of defiance about him, he can’t fully admit how you get him so flustered even after you’ve spent so much time together. You press your thumb into the arch of his foot and he groans. “That feel good?” you ask.

“Yes.”

“Whatcha reading?” You gesture towards the book.

“Some book about the moon landing,” Joel lifts it off of his chest, where it lay face down and open, looks at the back cover. “For Ellie.”

“How sweet.”

“It’s a little dry,” he deadpans. “But she likes this stuff.”

You shift your massage to his other foot. Joel stretches, his arms lifting above his head, the shirt he’s wearing rides up just so, so you see a sliver of his lower belly before it disappears again, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Are you tired?” you ask.

“Always,” he says through a yawn.

“Me too,” you yawn along with him, since they’re contagious. He pulls the glasses from their perch on the bridge of his nose and shuts the book, placing them both on the coffee table in front of him. You take your hands off his feet and he sits up a little straighter, holding out his hand.

“Come ‘ere,” he says, and you do.

He grunts as you settle into his arms, head nestled against his chest, sprawling out almost on top of him, the only way you both can fit like this on the couch.

“You’re so warm,” you say softly, letting him wrap his arms around you.

“You’re cold. Your hands are freezing,” he holds them in his own.

“It’s cold out.”

“Don’t know why you left today.”

“Obligations. Patrol.”

“Fuck that.”

You laugh into his chest, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “You know, I think we might be boring.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we don’t really leave the house. We spend all day reading. And we’re old.”

“We’re not that old.”

“But we’re getting up there.”

“Sure, but…” Joel trails off.

“Everything’s so quiet, so calm.”

“I think that’s what most people would describe as content.”

“Are you content?” you ask, lifting your head to look him in the eyes.

“I’m happy,” he says softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about the rest.”

“Okay,” you settle back against your husband's chest, feel his lips brush your forehead.

His fingers search absentmindedly for the ring on your finger he’d found while clearing out a pawn shop not too long ago. The one he wore looked nothing like your own. But the marriage had been long overdue, and neither of you cared what the rings actually looked like.

Nowadays, you split your time between his place with Ellie, and your own with Ethan, but end up in his bed every night. At this point, you don’t think you could sleep without him.

Years ago, another lifetime, you’d had a conversation underneath a sky full of stars. You’d told him that for you, good things had never lasted. Joel had made a promise.

This will.

It took time. There was a lot of pain. But in the end, he had told you the truth.

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bella-rose29 · 4 months

Text

Deck the Halls (and not your partner) - part 8

from here on out this series is just going to be Lockwood and reader bonding and being annoyingly good together while coming up with steadily more ridiculous ways to piss off the bitchy cousin bc she's trying to get revenge

with that said lockwood does have a brief sad moment :(

Word count: 7.1k

Warnings: swearing, references to sex (both mild and slightly less mild), sleepy lockwood, he can't talk properly when sleepy, the whole morning thing is just what I want to happen in my own life tbh, Steph (the Bitch), lockwood remembers his childhood (might make you sad), brief mentions of murder?? hypothetical murder though (that will make sense I promise), a really intense snowball fight, (can you tell I'm an archaeology student from the way I describe building forts and mud huts?), lockwood gives all the teams in the snowball fight names and they are very basic but I love them

That night when Y/n and Anthony went to bed, they stood staring awkwardly at the bed for five minutes.

"Well that armchair can't be comfortable," Y/n said, glancing sceptically at it. She wasn't sure where Anthony had slept the night before after their argument, or even if he'd slept at all, but she didn't feel right about taking the whole bed for herself anymore now that their situation had changed.

She would do it if he insisted, of course, but there would be a very tiny part of her brain telling her to be the better person. It was unlikely that she'd listen to it.

"I got used to it, and I've slept in worse places. You take the bed again. The bath surely couldn't have been nice to sleep in."

"It was actually a lot more comfortable than you'd think." They kept on looking at the bed, both in their pyjamas (Y/n had stolen one of Anthony's t-shirts already, and when she'd first walked out of the bathroom in it he'd kissed her for a good few minutes in a way that left them both breathless). "Maybe... maybe we could share? I don't know if that's too soon or anything but honestly if we've been supposedly dating since April then I think we're way past that."

"If you're happy with it then I am, darling."

"Alright. I'm having this side though." A couple of minutes later the two of them were under the covers and settled in, and Y/n reached over to turn off her bedside lamp. The room was immediately shrouded in darkness, and suddenly it felt a lot colder than before, despite the fact she was buried under the duvet. "Ant?"

"Yeah?"

"... Can I move a bit closer to you? I'm cold." She didn't get a verbal response, instead receiving the sounds of the sheets crumpling and a body shifting, and a few seconds later Anthony's warmth was surrounding her as he took her into his arms and laid her on top of him. She tangled their legs together and wrapped an arm around his torso, and he brought both of his arms around her to secure her in place.

"Is that better?" he asked, and from where her head was resting on his chest she nodded.

"Much better. Thank you."

Her breathing evened out not long after, and she fell asleep to the slightly faster than usual beating of Anthony's heart.

~~~

When morning came (or rather when the sun finally rose over the horizon, since it was just after 8 AM), Y/n woke up and tried to turn over to stretch, but found that her movements were restricted by a weight on her side.

An investigation of what was happening lead to the discovery that Anthony was now lying on top of her instead of the other way around like they had been when they went to sleep, and that was why she couldn't turn over. She went to shift him off of her, but as she went to move him she caught a glimpse of his face and realised that he looked so peaceful asleep she might just let him stay that way. He barely got enough sleep as it was, so why cut it short when he was finally getting some rest? God knew he needed it with how hard he worked to keep the company going, although that had been much easier in the past year as they had gained more popularity among the people of England (their name had been spread far and wide by happy clients).

He wasn't entirely on top of her, more lying on his stomach next to her while he rested his head on her shoulder and spread his arm out over her middle, but the weight was enough that movement was restricted. A light knock sounded from the door, making Y/n look away from her new boyfriend's face to see who it was. For some reason fear gripped her as the handle turned, but when the door opened a few seconds later to reveal her father she let out a sigh of relief. She had been worried that Stephanie was starting her research into how she was going to get her revenge already, but Y/n's cousin was almost certainly still asleep at this hour.

"Just got some tea," he whispered after Y/n put her finger to her lips, pointing down at the still-sleeping Anthony. "Where should I put it? Just here? Alright, there you go. I think we're all just going to lie in bed for as long as we think we can get away with, so don't worry about coming downstairs yet if you don't want to."

"Thanks, Dad." He crept back out the room, wincing slightly when the door hinges protested as he pulled it shut, and then he was padding down the hallway back to his own room. Soft sounds from just below her head made Y/n look down at Anthony, who had apparently been woken by the door closing. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking furiously as he attempted to properly shake himself awake, and pushed himself up a little to sleepily smile down at her.

"Morning, darling," he murmured, dropping his head to press a small kiss to her lips. "D'ya sleep alright?"

"Mmhm. Did you?" Anthony only nodded in response, eyes drifting shut every few seconds as he tried to stay conscious long enough to hold a conversation with her.

"You can go back to sleep if you want, although Dad just brought tea in if you want it."

"Ooh, that would be brilliant. D'ya want me to pour it?" Y/n stifled a giggle at his slightly slurred speech, and starting to move into a sitting position.

"Don't worry, Ant. I've got it." She poured out the water, making sure to add the honey and sugar to his at the right times, then carefully handed over the mug. "Have you got a proper hold on it? Because if you spill tea in bed then I might have to kill you."

"I can't spill tea? But how else are you meant to know that George and Flo have definitely fuc-" he was cut off when Y/n hurriedly reached out to steady his mug, the liquid inside nearly sloshing over the edge as he had been leaning in in a conspiratorial manner, forgetting he was holding a large cup of steaming hot liquid in one hand.

"Anthony! Watch what you're doing!"

"Sorry," he said, faint blush coming on to his cheeks as she scolded him. "Was jus' trying to make a joke. Although what I said about Flo and George wasn't a joke." He made a point to look her in the eyes with as much seriousness he could muster, as though it were of the utmost importance that she knew all about her colleague's sex life.

"Alright, thank you for that," she responded, making sure her tone was gentle, and when he smiled dopily she felt her heart skip a beat or two.

How the hell is he so pretty?

"You're pretty too, darling." His smile had turned smug, and she realised with a start that she'd said her previous thought out loud. Her face started heating up, and Anthony did a good job of hiding his laughter were it not for the amusement dancing in his eyes as he sipped his tea.

"Shut up," she mumbled, wanting to jab him in the side but not trusting his capabilities of holding his tea steady this early in the morning.

~~~

"Good morning, lovebirds!" Will chirped when Y/n and Anthony walked into the kitchen, and he sent a smirk their way from where he stood at the hob frying eggs. "Sleep alright?" He seemed to be asking something else though from the way his eyebrows were moving.

"Is... he okay?" he whispered instead, leaning down slightly to reach Y/n's ear.

"I talked to him in the library yesterday. After... you know."

"Ah. Right." After they had argued and then made up and then made out. "Does that mean he's up to date then?"

"Yep."

So Will knew about all of that. This could be interesting.

"They must have slept fine," Ben started, pulling out the toast that had popped and putting in more slices. "Y/n looked like she'd only just woken up when I went in with tea, and Anthony was fast asleep."

Anthony felt a blush rise up his neck and cover his face at the realisation that Ben had seen him draped over his eldest daughter, but the fond smile that appeared on Y/n's face made it worthwhile. She was wearing one of his jumpers again (she had really leaned into the habits of being his girlfriend already, which meant that many of his t-shirts and jumpers were suspiciously not in the drawers he had originally put them in), and was cosying up to his side as he leaned back against the kitchen island.

Y/n looked like she was about to say something, but at the exact moment she opened her mouth another voice was already filling the room.

"Morning everybody! How are we all today? Isn't the snow just gorgeous?"

Emma grimaced slightly before she turned around, sharing a glance with Anthony before greeting her niece. "It is, Stephanie. I take it you slept alright?"

"Oh yes, thank you!" She was weirdly chipper for somebody who had been acting like a raving lunatic the night before, and Anthony couldn't help but feel unease creep up his spine at her wide grin.

What was she up to?

"Hello, you two! Are you looking forward to going out in the snow later? I shall have to drag you out, Y/n/n, since you hate going outside!" Anthony frowned. Y/n wasn't the biggest fan of the outdoors, but whenever they gained even the slightest amount of snow she was out of the house in a flash, laughing and spinning around the street while it fell. Anthony had always accompanied her, giving the excuse that he wanted to be nearby if she tripped and fell so he could laugh (to which Lucy, George, and Holly had looked at him dubiously).

But really it was because it had been so long since he had seen anyone so carefree.

He had loved the snow as a little kid, running around trying to catch the snowflakes on his tongue, building snowmen, making snow angels, having snowball fights with his family.

Then he had been on his own, and suddenly the snow was no longer a source of warmth for him. He had looked at the roads paved in white and felt as cold as the outside air, good memories being brought up and tainted the longer he stared at it.

He could see where he had set up a fort in defence against his father and sister's attack, crouching behind the wall with his mother while they laughed so hard their sides hurt.

He could see where the four of them had laid down in the thick snow, spreading out their arms and legs and sweeping them back and forth, back and forth. Jess had deliberately laid down close to him so they could hit each other playfully.

He could see where he and Jess had made their snowman (although they called it a snow ghost), carefully picking through the undergrowth to find the perfect stones that were just right for the features.

He could see all of that when he saw snow, and eventually he had stopped looking.

But then Y/n had come along, bright and burning, and when she had experienced her first snowfall at 35 Portland Row she had shrieked with joy. Within moments she had shrugged on her thick coat and boots, hat haphazardly shoved on her head and gloves neglected as she shot out the front door, and the other members of the agency were left behind to wonder what on earth was happening.

The other three were quick to follow, leaving Lockwood inside to watch from behind the glass barrier, and for the first time in years he looked outside and saw the snow.

He also saw Y/n fall on her ass incredibly dramatically, and immediately good memories were being created again.

It took him another year to actually go outside in the snow again, and by this point he was deeply entrenched in the hating game that he had with Y/n that he used his excuse of wanting to see her fall over.

He didn't admit to himself for a while that the real reason he was in the cold with her was to make sure that she didn't fall over too hard, or get knocked over by a car that hadn't realised anyone would be on the road (really, why couldn't she have gone in the back garden?), or even because being outside when she was this happy was making him forget that he couldn't feel various parts of his body due to the biting air.

So hearing Steph say that she was going to have to drag Y/n, the girl who loved snow, outside into the snow, didn't make sense to Anthony. He glanced at Y/n where she was stood at his side and realised that she had told her family she didn't enjoy the snow, because there was nothing on her face that said she was confused like he was.

He really hoped they could leave this place soon, because while Y/n's parents and siblings were wonderful, her aunt (who had been sat in the corner sneering at the couple) and her cousin were not. The constant remarks about Y/n's body, how she acted, how she ate, her job, her life, what she enjoyed doing and what she didn't, it can't have been healthy for her to grow up with those comments, and apparently Y/n had been lying to them about herself to get some of it to stop. Anthony suddenly felt even more awful for the things that he had said over the years, and he dropped his head to meet the top of Y/n's to press a kiss there. She looked up in surprise, a question on her face, and he only shook his head and laced their hands together.

He wasn't going to hurt her again, not now that he had a chance with her. And if anyone else hurt her? Well, he would just have to ask which one of them was picking up the shovel, and who was taking the body bag.

~~~

After breakfast everybody wrapped up as warmly as they could and headed out into the snow. It really was insane how much snow they had had, given it was England and they were unused to the sort of snow they saw described in other parts of the world. Anthony had grabbed Y/n's hand after Stephanie tried to get there first, and when she had tried again to be the one accompanying Y/n outside he pulled her out the front door where John and Sam had started clearing a path.

"Ant, slow down! You're gonna pull my arm out of its socket!"

"You'll be fine. I'll give you CPR."

"Ant, you can't give me CPR to fix my arm not being attached to my body anymore."

"Oh. Well I might as well do it anyway, just in case it does help." He was tugged backwards when Y/n came to a stop behind him, and turning around he realised they had travelled quite far from the house.

"Anthony."

"Yes, my darling?"

"Do you just want to give me CPR because it gives you an excuse to kiss me?" He tried not to blush too hard at how quickly she had figured out his ulterior motive, but recovered just as fast with a smug smile.

"I don't need an excuse, darling. I just need to know you consent." She pushed forward, hand still linked with his, and planted a kiss on his mouth.

"Unless I physically assault you, Anthony, then consider me always consenting to you kissing me."

"Perfect."

He kissed her again, trying not to smile too much since it stopped them from kissing more, and wrapped both arms around her waist. She was smiling too, her cold nose pressing into his, and she let out a joyful shriek when he suddenly bent slightly and picked her up off the ground, twirling her while not ever taking his lips off of hers. When he finally put her down again he sighed in content, resting his forehead against hers and just revelling in the knowledge that they had worked through it all, and he was happy.

Then a snowball hit them square in the face, and he was spluttering while Y/n looked for the source.

"That's enough kissing, love birds! You can do that later!"

"Will." Y/n's eyes narrowed and the smile on her face was downright wolfish, and Anthony desperately hoped that she considered him a team mate or he was going to get pulverised.

"Darling, can I just ask, is it the two of us against your brother?"

"It's the two of us against them all, Ant." He knew she meant all of her family, but he couldn't help but think that she meant that it was the two of them together against the world, too. "Oh! You've never had a snowball fight with us before, have you? Basically instead of a kill-or-be-killed scenario, we combine it with capture the flag. Nana Jean has a collection of items that she gives each team, and you have two hours to build a fort and any defences you want. Then when Nana Jean says go, you've gotta get all the items in your fort, and then get all the way to Nana Jean on the front porch. It's very important that you get all the items in the fort first, because otherwise you get accused of cheating and get disqualified. Ultimately, though, nobody can trust anybody, but everyone always tries to get Steph and Linda because nobody likes them."

"So... if we can't trust anyone...?" He left the rest of his question in the air, but luckily she knew what he meant.

"Don't worry, I'll pair with you. Normally I'm with Olivia, 'cause we're meant to be in pairs, but my brothers never care about that rule. Mum'll throw at anyone, and so will Dad, my grandparents are on the porch watching from their chairs, so they'll get some good photos I imagine, Olivia is far too busy trying to look good all the time, and we need to duck!" She grabbed the front of his coat and yanked him towards the ground just as a large chunk of snow sailed through the air where their heads had just been. "Right. We need to start making some sort of defence, which shouldn't be too difficult because of how much snow there is, and then we need to start making weapons, because Nana Jean has obviously just started the timer for two hours building. Sabotage is also allowed during this time." It was both terrifying and weirdly attractive how quickly she was getting into the spirit of an all-out snow war, and within seconds Anthony found himself being put to work building walls.

He had done a similar thing with his family.

London never really had that much snow on the ground at any one time because of all the people and cars that needed to move around, and since agents still had to go out at night the roads and pathways were mostly clear to prevent any unnecessary deaths or accidents. One year, though, there had been too much snow for people to shift enough of it in one day ready for the night, and weather officials had said that temperatures would be rising anyway and the snow would melt in a couple of days. Anthony's parents had woken him early (back when he slept without an issue) and pointed out his window at the snow, and he had been so excited he had gone and jumped on Jess' bed, not caring when she swatted at him with a pillow. The four of them had then spent the day building forts in the back garden and getting their defences ready, and he and his mother had tried planning their walls strategically for the best possible advantage.

"You can't just put it all on top like that, you need to build it a bit like an igloo, or a mud hut. And make sure you've got the proper dense snow, not this superficial flaky stuff. Add some sticks and rocks and things for a bit of integrity, and pack the snow around it. That's it!"

His parents had taken fort building seriously, no matter what the material they were using was. Pillow forts were always complex too, but when finished Anthony had a castle to be king of.

"What are you doing?" Y/n asked, pulling him out of his memories. He'd been crouched down behind a bench that was in their front garden, clumping bits of undergrowth together and starting to build up the walls.

"You need to add sticks and rocks and things for integrity," he said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Oh. That makes sense I guess. Can you-" she stopped herself for a moment to hurl a hastily made snowball at someone, and Anthony made a mental note to get her to teach George how to throw when he heard a yelp from somewhere in the garden and a cheer from Y/n. "Sorry, needed to get John. Can you like, show me what you're doing? Then we can both do it and get these walls up faster. I really think it's unfair that Will, John and Sam always team up because they all play fucking rugby, so their walls are basically done already."

"True, but we fight ghosts, darling. We know better than anyone how to win a fight, because if we lose, we quite literally die. Here, take some of this," he said, placing some of the stones he had found in her outstretched hands. "Stack them up a little bit, like I've done, yeah, that's good. Then take a whole load of snow and pack it around. It makes it a lot stronger."

"Where did you even learn how to do this? You literally never join in when we have snowball fights back home." His hands slipped when he realised that she had called Portland Row home, but he quickly recovered.

"My mother."

"Oh. Ant, I'm-"

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry. It's... it's nice, actually. Remembering her. Sad, because she's gone, but nice." He could feel Y/n watching him and he cleared his throat. "I don't know if you were in London when we had that last big snowstorm, but there was about this much of it. My parents took me and Jess outside all day and we built forts in the back garden, and then had a snowball fight. It was me and Mum against Jess and Dad. We won, of course. Mum had a really good throwing arm and Jess was complaining about the cold." He smiled at the memory of his sister's squeals when he had snuck up behind her and stuck snow down the back of her coat, running away with a gleeful laugh. An idea struck him then, and he sat up a little. "I've just had a brilliant idea on how we can piss off Steph," he said, and Y/n mirrored the shark-like smile he had on his face.

~~~

Around an hour later, pretty much everybody's forts were complete.

Will, John and Sam had taken Tom into their team (to which Y/n had complained further, since it was meant to be a pairs team situation) and their fort was huge, with walls that took up an entire corner of the garden. Steph and Linda had a pathetic looking fort since neither of them wanted cold hands or to touch the snow, but it was good enough to provide a small amount of protection for now. Emma and Ben's fort was surprisingly decent, and they had added a little turret on one side just for fun.

Then there was Anthony and Y/n's.

"What is that meant to be?" Sam shouted at them, his tone mocking. Taunts were always called out at this stage, Y/n had told Anthony, since everybody had made their defences and weapons and now they were just waiting on Nana Jean to say when they could start. "It looks like a mud hut!" John yelled, clearly thinking that they would be an easy target.

"Good," Anthony muttered, smile decorating his face. "Mud huts are weirdly strong if you build them right."

"You are so random," Y/n said, but she was looking at him with stars in her eyes. "George I would have expected this kind of knowledge, but you? Never would have guessed you knew this much about mud huts."

"My parents studied them, Y/n/n. Of course I know this much about mud huts."

"So random," she whispered under her breath, looking back out at the playing field. Each of the four teams had taken a corner (Olivia had chosen to side with her parents after they threatened to take away her tv privileges if she didn't join in), and Anthony and Y/n were in the opposite corner to The Brothers Grim (he had named them that in his head). The Bitches (Steph and Linda) were on their right, and The In-Laws (Emma, Ben, and Olivia) were on their left. That meant that they, The Love Birds, were most likely going to get attacked last. Everybody was going to be aiming for The Brothers Grim or The Bitches, since they were the strongest team and the most horrible team respectively, and Anthony and Y/n had come up with a plan.

"Are the names really necessary though?"

"What do you mean?!" He did his best to look appalled. "Of course the names are necessary, darling! How else are we meant to quickly and effectively communicate which fort we're going for?!"

"You're ridiculous, Anthony Lockwood."

"We've covered this already, Y/n L/n. I'm very aware of how ridiculous I am."

"I mean, what kind of person pretends they're a whale when drinking orange juice?"

"Yeah, but that only works if you have the orange juice with the bits in it, because then you can filter it through your teeth and-" She had cut him off with a kiss again, and while he had been in the middle of a very important explanation, he didn't mind that this was how he was being cut off. "You really need to stop interrupting me like that, darling," he said after she pulled back, but he didn't mean it. She knew that he didn't mean it either, because she was smiling softly up at him in the brief silence that they had before the fight started.

"Go over the plan one more time?" she asked.

"Sure."

~~~

Nana Jean had taken her place on the front steps, wrapped up in about ten blankets as she sat on her chair next to Gramps.

Y/n was tense, a pit of nerves forming in her stomach as she crouched next to Anthony. Their plan was supposedly foolproof, but they only had her knowledge of previous snowball fights with her family to discern what the other teams would try and do, and they could always have new tactics. The one thing they could rely on, however, was everybody attacking Steph and Linda first.

Each team had been randomly allocated an item from Nana Jean's collection, and had placed it in their fort. Their job then was to protect it at all costs, and not let it reach any of the other forts. Once in a fort, provided the thief didn't have all four items, they could be taken back along with any other items in the fort.

The Brothers Grim seemed to have the advantage, what with their huge walls and numbers, but Anthony and Y/n had spent most of their lives fighting far more threatening opponents in far more dire situations, and so this would be a breeze. With her knowledge of how her family fought (extremely dirty) and Anthony's weird knack for planning intricate extractions of items, they were sure to win.

They would even end up with time to spare to get under Steph's skin.

"Ready?" Nana Jean called out, receiving multiple affirmations in reply. "Three!"

Anthony shifted beside her, and she got ready to move.

"Two!"

The pit of nerves was filled to the brim, spilling over and making her limbs shake.

"One!"

Anthony's face was set in determination, and his eyes were flicking over the playing field as he waited. She was sure that she was doing the same.

"GO!"

Immediately action brought the front garden to life, with people running everywhere and snowballs flying to and fro, mostly missing but occasionally finding their marks. Anthony had already shot off while Y/n stayed behind with their item: Nana Jean's scarf that was too old and tattered for her to actually be kept warm by it anymore. She knew that Will would try and sneak around the back, and John would be left at their fort since he had the best aim and strongest throw. Sam would be the decoy, and Tom was just running around hitting everyone. Steph and Linda were getting annihilated, crouching down and shrieking loudly when snowballs from all directions took the top of their fort walls off. They had used the soft flaky snow instead of the proper solid stuff, and as such their fort wasn't much protection. That's what Anthony had said, anyway, and she decided that he knew what he was talking about. Y/n spotted her mother attempting to creep up behind her, and she chucked a snowball right at her face. It missed, hitting her shoulder instead, but it was enough of a threat that her mother backed off for now.

Anthony had disappeared somehow, and while she searched for a while she couldn't spot his skinny beanpole frame anywhere. That was probably a good thing, she thought, because if she couldn't find him, then their first target definitely couldn't.

Olivia made for Y/n then, battle cry piercing the air, but before Y/n could even take aim her sister was taken down by someone else's snowball, quickly followed by a "YES! HA HA!" that told her it was Tom. She looked through the gap in the bench that Anthony had left while building their fort, and saw her youngest brother doing a victory lap of the field, getting hit by snowballs but carrying on anyway.

"Got it," Anthony said, making her jump and nearly hit him. "Woah! It's me!"

She did hit him then, hissing her response. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, darling, sorry. Got it though!" He smiled triumphantly, looking very proud of himself as he lifted up the woollen hat that had been the item belonging to The Brothers Grim.

"Excellent!" She planted a kiss on his frozen lips and he grinned even more widely as he put the hat down. "Did they see you?"

"Nope. I told you earlier, I'm like a ghost myself." He had said something to that effect earlier on, but she hadn't really been paying much attention because she was too busy thinking how gorgeous he was when he got excited. He was like a puppy, and she could practically see his tail wagging while he looked at her with those brown eyes.

"Yeah, you certainly look like one right now," she snorted. "I'm pretty sure you're the same colour as the snow."

"Oi, my ghostly complexion is going to win us this thing, alright? Anyway, it's your turn to go out. Here." He handed her the large rock that they had found, and kissed her on the cheek. "Go get 'em," he winked, and then she was off, leaving him to guard their fort while she made for her parents.

Unfortunately they saw her coming immediately, but purely because Tom was still running around like a headless chicken and had screamed "Y/N'S COMING! Y/N'S COMING!"

"Dammit, Tom," she muttered, frown on her face. She had hidden the rock in her coat pocket since it was the right size (She and Anthony had made sure they would fit properly), but she still had to get the large gloves from their fort. The stone didn't matter now, because they had seen her, so all she needed to do was snatch their item and get back without being brought down. Luckily the gloves were tied together, which meant she only needed to grab one and she could be off again. Her parents were already tiring, she could tell, but years of being an agent and building up the stamina needed to run away from Visitors all night meant that Y/n was only just getting started. She dodged the snowballs that were thrown her way, and slid behind The In-Laws' walls, taking part of it with her. "I'll take those, thanks!" she said, picking up the gloves and immediately running off again, trying to ignore the snow she could feel melting down her spine. "Here," she huffed when she got back to her own fort, nearly knocking Anthony over.

"Oh, perfect! You alright to stay here while I get the last one? Or did you wanna pause for a moment? I don't think The Brothers Grim have noticed their item is missing yet, but your parents are definitely going to start making their move on us soon."

"Just gimme a moment to catch my breath, and I'll be good to go." She had collapsed into his side, clutching her stomach and trying to control her breathing, and he wrapped his arms around her briefly.

"As much as I would love to stay like this all day, darling, I do also need to throw snow at your family because they're coming this way."

"Oh, yeah. Go for it," she replied, sitting up again. Anthony picked up a snowball in each hand and chucked them over their walls, and although Y/n couldn't see who it was she did hear an "oof!" a few seconds later. "I've still got the rock from The In-Laws attempt in my pocket, so I can go and get The Bitches' item if you wanna keep throwing? You're better at it than me 'cause I can only use one arm. The other one is shit at throwing."

"You sure?" he asked, picking up another snowball. She nodded. "Alright. You know what you're doing, yeah?"

"Yep. I'll see you in five, Schmoopie."

"Why are you calling me Schmoopie? That's my name for you!" he called after her, playful frown on his face. Her only response was laughter, which she quickly stifled as she hid behind the thick oak tree closest to Steph and Linda's fort. Their item was a snowshoe, although where Nana Jean had even found one of those was a mystery. The rock she had in her pocket wasn't really big enough, but if she covered it in a bit of snow then it would be good enough to fool them. Anthony's intricate extraction plan for getting all the items had been to use decoys after sneaking up on each fort, and so far their first target, The Brothers Grim, hadn't even noticed. They were too busy fighting off Olivia, who had turned slightly feral over the course of the fight, and Tom, who had apparently decided that no team was better than the team he had created for himself, and was throwing snow at everyone including himself. Y/n crept forward slightly to assess how long she had before either her cousin or her aunt turned around, but then snow started hitting their nearly-destroyed fort again and she knew that Anthony was working on the distraction for her. Tom started attacking Steph and Linda again too, and while her Dad had joined Olivia in attempting to break down the walls of The Brothers Grim's fort, their attack was weakening.

She needed to move fast.

Y/n made her move then, bending down to grab some snow in one hand, and readying the rock in her other, and headed in the direction of Steph and Linda's backs. They were too busy trying to remake their walls, which meant they had left their snowshoe unguarded behind them. She dropped the rock in the snow, then picked up the snowshoe, and in the next five seconds had shoved the snow in her other hand down the back of Steph's jacket and sprinted away. Her cousin's screams followed her the short distance back to her fort, and Anthony didn't need to ask how it had gone when he heard them. "All four items, safe and sound. Now we've just got to get to Nana Jean without them getting taken off us."

That was the hardest part, since Nana Jean was sat on the front porch nearly completely opposite them. They would have to cross the entire playing field and pass The Brothers Grim fort to get to her.

"Alright. You take these. You can't put them in your pockets, which is annoying, but otherwise we'll be disqualified for cheating. You ready?" she asked Anthony after loading his arms with the items. He nodded, fiery determination in his eyes.

"I'm ready. Remember the weak spots in their walls, yeah?"

"Yep." She had memorised the points that Anthony had pointed out to her earlier, and thanked his parents for showing him how to build excellent forts.

"Okay. Three, two, one, go!" They stood up from behind their walls and started running, Anthony's long legs carrying him across the field while Y/n periodically stooped to grab more snow and compact it into a good enough shape that she could throw it far. He nearly made it, and then Will appeared out of nowhere to take him down. Anthony twirled out the way (always the fancy one), and Will missed catching him by a hair's breadth, but now there was more of a distance between Anthony and Nana Jean.

"THEY'RE GONNA WIN!!!" Tom shouted, and suddenly all of Y/n's family members were closing in on her and Anthony with snowballs in their hands.

"RUN!" she screamed, begging her legs to respond. They were slightly numb from the cold now.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?!"

Nana Jean had her arms outstretched from where she sat on the porch, and Y/n was momentarily blinded by the flash of her Gramps' camera just inside the window. She threw what snow she could at both people and forts, picking out the points where Anthony had said were weakest and aiming, and sure enough within moments part of The Brothers Grim's fort had collapsed, and the brothers themselves were crying out in anger.

Time passed slowly and in a blur, and before she knew it Anthony was up the steps and shoving the items into Nana Jean's arms and collapsing at her feet, then letting out a small cry of pain when Y/n landed on top of him. "Did we do it?" she asked, expression wild as she tried to catch her breath. Anthony didn't say anything, his face not revealing anything.

Then he cracked a smile, and it was like the sun had come out. "We did it!"

"You did it, love," Nana Jean said from above them, looking fondly down at her granddaughter where she was lying on the floor.

Y/n immediately pushed herself up (that made Anthony make another "oof" since she had braced her full weight on his chest) and turned around, pointing at all her gathered family members who were stood looking sorry for themselves (apart from Tom, he was still running around and throwing himself in the snow) and shouting "HA! WE WIN, SUCKERS!"

~~~

"Thanks," Y/n said, gladly accepting the mug of tea that Anthony handed her. He smiled down at her, one of those soft secret smiles that he kept for the people he loved, and sat next to her on their loveseat.

She wasn't sure when she'd started calling it their loveseat, but that was what it was, she supposed. Nobody else sat on it apart from them, and now they were cosying up like they always did. She had slung her legs over his and made sure not to spill her tea while he adjusted.

"That's nice and warm," he said, holding it under his face to heat up his frozen features. Y/n hummed her agreement, sipping on her own tea.

Everyone was snacking on random bits of food from the still-extensive collection (despite how much had been eaten at the party), and Anthony had brought over a bowl of bits for the two of them to share. Despite the slight chill that still sat in her bones, she was warm, and as she watched Anthony converse with her Gramps she realised that it was him making her warm.

Not his body heat, although he was surprisingly warm for somebody who had been running around in the snow all day, but rather the feelings he was stirring up in her. He made her feel warm just by interacting with her family, just by allowing her Gramps to tell him jokes that the rest of them had all heard a million times, just by even being here with her. He hadn't needed to come with her, and in fact he had argued against it and compromised, saying if she couldn't find anyone then he would do it and be unhappy, and yet he had done it anyway with a smile on his face. She'd genuinely believed that he wouldn't come with her, or would go back on his word because he thought it would be funny to watch her suffer.

But he was here, cuddled up on a loveseat with her in her family's house, talking to her Gramps about trains or something (she suspected it was more her Gramps was talking at Anthony), and he was hers.

Steph hadn't stopped watching them like a hawk since the snowball fight, but Y/n couldn't find it in her to care because she was with Anthony, and they had achieved a sliver of revenge themselves earlier. Her cousin was rightfully pissed about having a bunch of snow chucked down her back, but then again she had spent her whole life making Y/n miserable so really she deserved it.

He was her home, she realised. Not this house, not even Portland Row, despite the fact that she regularly called it that. No, neither of those places were her home.

Anthony Lockwood was.

part 9

Tag list: @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @aysha4life, @bobbys-not-that-small, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12

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#lockwood and co #anthony lockwood #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood x you #lockwood x reader #deck the halls (and not your partner)#enemies to lovers #fake dating #christmas

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albertasunrise · 1 year

Text

Look for the Light - 2

Masterlist

Summary: Four years ago, Joel saved you from certain death. In return, you followed him faithfully. Always ready to do and give him whatever he asked, despite the hurt it inflicted on you, body and soul. Agreeing to go with him to deliver Ellie to the Fireflies… this would be the last time you’d follow him… After this, your debt would be paid.

Relationships: Reader x Joel Miller, Joel Miller & Ellie, Reader & Ellie

Warnings: Like AO3, I choose to give none. Read at your own risk. 18+ (So excited to share this with you. So much to come folks! 🙊😍)

Series Masterlist - Part 1

"He hates me!" Ellie grumbled to you under her breath as she ate the last of the sandwich from her pack.

"He hates everyone." You snorted as you nibbled on your ration of jerky.

"He doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't like me." You grumbled in reply, a little louder than you'd intended but Joel made no sign of hearing you.

"So what's the deal with you two anyway?" She asked as she pulled Joel's coat closer.

"Nothing." You replied with a shrug.

"Bullshit."

"What do you-"

"I catch you looking at him all googly-eyed when he's not looking and I've seen him do the same when you ain't." She stated and you scoffed at that "It's true." She defended "He clearly cares about you and you clearly care about him so what's the issue?"

"I owe him my life." You stated plainly "He saved me and I have followed him ever since." Ellie gave you a bemused look as she waited for you to continue "He keeps me around because he saved me... All this is."

"You mean more to him than that." Ellie argued but you simply shook your head.

"No... I don't." You grumbled before eating the last of your jerky "Get some sleep. Got a long walk ahead of us tomorrow."

Ellie didn't argue. She ate the last bite of her food before laying down on the hard forest floor and pulling Joel's coat over her small shoulders. You watched her a moment before your eyes drifted to Joel again. The man was standing in the same spot he'd been a few minutes ago, eyes scanning the forest for any sign of movement.

You knew telling him to get some rest was futile. The man was as stubborn as they came so instead you let your head fall back against the tree you were leaning against and closed your eyes. The sound of the forest lulling you to sleep.

Joel meanwhile was replaying what he'd heard, over and over in his brain.

He keeps me around because he saved me... All this is

Did you really think that's all you meant to him?

Had he really given you no other indications of how important you were to him? He knew he wasn't good at showing any sort of real emotion. He'd shut that side away the day his daughter had died. He hadn't cried since that day either but he had hoped that the small things he did had given you the smallest indication that you were more than just a sidekick to him.

Then he remembered what you'd said to him back at the hotel.

So you're not fucking us both?

Truth was... He and Tess had broken things off the moment she realised that you meant more to him than just a casual fuck. She'd been okay with him sleeping with you occasionally. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't been sleeping with other men occasionally but when it had come to light that his feelings for you ran a little deeper. That was it.

Her words to him just before they'd left her there to die amongst those monsters still echoed in his head.

I never ask, you for anything! Not to feel the way I felt.

Joel had known, deep down, that Tess' feelings for him were a little more than just friends. But she had never pushed him for more than he was willing to give and he had always appreciated that. So it hadn't come as any surprise that when she'd figured out that he had feelings for you, she hadn't wanted any part of it. He was sure that it had hurt her more than she let on but you can't help who you love. And he didn't love her.

Save who you can save... And tell her the truth... Before it's too late.

He was sure though, as he turned to look at you and Ellie, that if he told you what you meant to him. You'd laugh in his face"

I owe him my life

That's the only reason you'd stuck around. The only reason you'd let him lose himself in you when he needed a distraction. You felt that you owed it to him. The truth of it stung more than he'd expected but he couldn't let it distract him from what he needed to do. Get Ellie to Bill and Franks.

That was his mission now.

It was a five-hour hike to Bill and Franks. Five hours and then you could have a shower and eat some of Bill's amazing food. But for now, Jerky would have to do. You were sat nibbling on your measly ration, and Ellie sat silently beside you.

"Where's Joel?" She asked having woken up to just you.

"Gone to freshen up down by the river." You stated and she gave you a slight nod before returning to her own meal.

A few bites in, you were overcome with the sudden urge to hurl and you managed to throw yourself sideways in time before you were emptying the contents of your stomach onto the forest floor.

"Whoa, you okay?" Asked Ellie as she looked at you in shock.

"Yeah." You replied as you shook your head weakly and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

'What's going on?" Joel asked as he appeared.

Wonderful You thought to yourself as you looked up at the man.

"Nothing." You replied meekly as you shook your head.

"She just hurled!" Ellie exclaimed and you cursed the teenager's honesty.

"Really?" Joel asked as he stepped closer to you, his brows drawing together in what appeared to be genuine concern.

"It's nothing." You waved off as you got to your feet "Probably about to start my..." You didn't finish your sentence. Didn't get a chance before a wave of dizziness washed over you and your knees gave out.

Ellie and Joel were quick to catch you but you didn't thank them. You shrugged them off before tossing the last of your jerky to Ellie and stalking away.

"Just got up to fast." You growled before making your way out of view so you could relieve yourself.

"She okay?" Ellie asked as she watched you disappear behind some trees.

"How should I know?" Joel grumbled and the teenagers scoffed.

"You can pretend that you don't give a shit but I can see that you do." She snapped, eyes boring into the side of Joel's head.

When she realised she wasn't going to get the reaction she wanted out of the man she dropped it. No point in fighting a losing battle.

"You want your jacket back?"

Nothing.

"I've never been in the woods." She said then, changing the subject completely "More bugs than I thought."

Still, the man said nothing. She knew he was probably upset about Tess but it wasn't your fault or hers. Yet he'd been nothing but cold towards you both since it happened.

"Look, I've been thinking about..."

"I don't want your sorries." He growled, still not looking at the teenager.

"I wasn't gonna say I'm sorry." She snapped back and this grabbed his attention "I was gonna say that I've been thinking about what happened.

Nobody made you, her or Tess take me." She said as she motioned in the direction you'd walked in "Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever and you made a choice." She paused a moment, staring him down "So don't blame me for something that isn't my fault." Joel nodded, his eyes dropping to the forest floor "And don't blame her either!"

"I don't blame her!" Joel defended and Ellie scoffed.

"Well, you've been a dick to her since we left the city."

"It's complicated." Joel grumbled and Ellie just rolled her eyes at his reply.

"Whatever."

An awkward silence fell over them both for a moment. Neither party knew what to say never so your return brought them both to sigh in relief.

"How much longer?" Ellie asked as she watched the man finish packing his supplies.

"Five-hour hike." He replied plainly and the teenager nodded.

"We can manage that." She replied before looking at you and smiling. "You've gone this way a lot?"

"Yeah." You replied, as you grabbed your own pack and slung it onto your back.

"No Infected?"

"Not often, no." You replied before looking over at Joel. "Let's get going."

You didn't wait to see if they were following. You silently trekked in the direction of Bill and Frank's. You didn't want to talk to either of them about the fact that you'd thrown up again. You didn't need to add to their burdens. Once you were at Bill and Frank's, you'd be able to rest, freshen up and lay all this to rest.

So you walked. You walked as fast as you knew Joel could handle with his bad knees. You tried to tune out Ellie's chatter but the girl was a chatterbox.

"How'd you get that scar on your head?" She asked Joel but he didn't answer, his eyes fixed on you as you walked ahead.

"What? Is it something lame?" The girl pushed "Like you fell down the stairs or something?"

"I didn't fall down any stairs." He grumbled finally and you smirked.

"Okay, so what then?"

"Someone shot at me and missed."

"See, that's cool." The teenager gushed as she glanced up at Joel "You shoot back?"

"Yeah."

"You get him?"

"No, I missed, too." He grumbled in reply and you almost turned your head to look back at him "It happens more often than you think."

"Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?"

"In general."

"You know, seeing as it's just the three of us, I was thinking I should pro-"

"No."

It amused you how persistent the child was when it came to having a gun of her own. You knew it wasn't unusual for kids to be curious about firearms but she was bordering on trigger-happy. You wondered if she had ever fired one outside of the FEDRA school shooting range. You hoped she'd never have to.

When the rest stop came into view you slowed your pace a little. Knowing that Joel would want to stop and restock his munitions.

"Hang back a minute." He said as he made his way over to the entrance of the derelict store "I gotta grab some stuff I stashed."

You stopped by the door, waiting for Joel and the teenager to catch up. You couldn't help the quirk of your lip at Joel's obvious misery at the child's constant chatter. He wasn't one for talking much. Only when he had a few drinks in him would he loosen up and hold a conversation with anyone. But even then, they were short.

"Stashed?" Ellie questioned as she looked up at the run-down building "Why do you have stuff stashed here?"

"You ask a lot of goddamn questions." He griped as he stepped past you and inside.

"Yes, I do." Ellie replied, smirking as she looked up at you "So, are you gonna answer me or what?"

"We hide supplies on routes." You piped up as your eyes scanned the room "In case we find ourselves short on gear..."

"Which I currently am 'cause-"

"No way!" Ellie squealed out as she ran across the store "You ever play this one?" She asked as she turned her head to look at you and you shoot your head "I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There's this one character named Mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones." You grinned at her excitement.

Your eyes scanned the pilfered shelves as Ellie played around with the long-dead game. The frames, dirty and bare.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna take a look around, see if there's anything good." Ellie stated as she looked over at Joel and then at you.

"Trust me, it's all been picked over already." Joel grumbled as he kicked at the floor.

"Maybe, maybe not." Ellie shrugged as she made her way over to the back of the shop "Is there anything bad in here?" She called out as she looked through the dark doorway.

"Just you." Joel replied and you smirked as Ellie rolled her eyes at the man's reply.

"Getting funnier." She grumbled before stepping into the back.

"Where are you going?" He asked when he noticed you step away.

"Keep an eye on her." You replied with a shrug before slipping into the back.

Joel was right about the store being pillaged but there was still the odd item here or there. You shone your torch over the bare frames, hoping that you might find something of use.

"Check this out1" Ellie exclaimed and you turned to see her dropping down through a trap door on the floor.

"Ellie I don't think-" She disappeared before you got a chance to finish.

You turned your head and shone your torch down the remainder of the shelves, stopping in your tracks when it hit a familiar-looking box. You couldn't believe your eyes when you picked the item up to look at it better and without thinking you stuffed it in your pack.

"You all right back there?" Called out Joel and you turned to look back at the room you'd seen Ellie in a few minutes before, squinting when you noticed some movement at the trap door.

"Yep!" Ellie called and you smiled as you made your way towards the trap door, stopping when you saw that Joel had finally found what he was looking for.

"All there?" You asked as you stepped towards him and he nodded.

"Looks like." He replied "She being awful quiet all of a sudden." He said as he looked up at you and then at the door "Ellie?"

"She's fine." You said but he didn't listen to you, his brow pulling together the longer the girl didn't respond.

"Ellie!" He called out again but still, the girl didn't respond and suddenly you started to worry also.

Getting to his feet, Joel took a few ginger steps towards the doorway, ready for anything that could potentially come through it.

"Ellie?" He called out one more time and that's when the girl appeared.

"Picked over, my ass." She announced as she waved a box of tampons in his face and you smirked at her before looking back at him again.

"Told you she was okay."

Joel then finished swapping out the gun he had for the one he'd stashed and then, hid it all away again. A short while later you were walking again, dust kicking up behind you as you followed the dirt road to your destination.

"Holy shit." Expelled Ellie as she spotted a wrecked plain on the hillside "You fly in one of those?"

"Few times, sure." Replied Joel as he came to a stop at the girl's side.

"So lucky."

"Didn't feel like it at the time." Joel grumbled and you smirked, remembering your own experience of flying.

"Get shoved into a middle seat, pay 12 bucks for a sandwich."

"Don't forget the cramped ass toilets that always seemed to be occupied."

"Dudes, you got to go up in the sky." Ellie groaned.

"Yeah, well, so did they." Replied Joel grimly and your face fell.

Your walking on prompted the other two to follow. You zoned out the conversation when Ellie asked about how it all started, not wanting to be reminded of how one minute you were sleeping soundly in your bed and the next, you were being carried to the car so your family could flee the town you'd grown up in. The walk passed by more or less wordlessly on your part. Stopped only to look at the mass grave that sat at the side of the road, a sobering reminder of how the army had dealt with people they hadn't had space for.

You were an hour out when your stomach rolled again and you silently dashed for the treeline before emptying what was left of the contents of your stomach. Joel and Ellie watched wordlessly as you stumbled back out onto the road a few moments later but neither of them said a word and for that, you were glad. You didn't even want to think about what could possibly be wrong with you right now.

When the fence line came into view, you instantly knew something was up. The flowers outside of the house were dead. Frank would never have let them get to that state. The house looked desolate. It had always looked so lived in before and you shared a look with Joel, a silent conversation passing between the two of you as he stepped towards the gate.

Something was wrong.

"Stay there." He ordered as he inputted the code and entered the town, gun in hand.

You followed Joel with Ellie at your side. Heart in your throat as you studied the house closely. It all just felt wrong. The door squeaked open and you felt your heart leap into your throat as the empty house came into view.

"What the fuck?"

"Bill?" Called out Joel but he was met with silence "Frank?"

Still nothing.

"You stay there." He said to Ellie, before looking up at you "Ya hear anything, you see anything, yell."

"What if they're gone?"

You knew in your heart of hearts that the lack of presence from these two men was a bad omen. There was no way either of them had left this place.

You stepped studied the table and noted the rotten food that still sat there. Frank would die before leaving a mess. You stepped into the kitchen but you were greeted by nothing but the smell of rotten food. The smell was so strong that you ran for the sink, throwing up nothing but bile now.

"Ellie?" Called out Joel and you stepped back into the dining room to see the girl sitting there with a letter in hand.

Joel stood opposite her, a grim expression on his face.

"It's from Bill." She said as she picked up the envelope "To whomever, but probably Joel." She read before putting it back down again "I figured I fell under 'whomever'... Came with this." She said lifting up a car key.

"So they're dead?" He asked, his eyes darting up to you when you gasped at his question.

"You wanna?"

"Go ahead. You do it."

You stood there and listened as the girl read Bill's letter. Silent tears slipped down your cheeks as you started at the paper in her hands.

"I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep..." She trailed off, looking at Joel who then took the letter from her.

His shoulders tensed and you knew exactly what it said. You didn't need to read it to know.

"Stay here." Joel grumbled before stepping out.

"Should we go after him?" She asked you but you shook your head.

"No."

An hour later you were showering and washing the grime of the past two days from your skin. Joel managed to find some clothes for you all. Some jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel for you that now sat on the unit just outside. When you were done, your eyes fell on your pack, mind wandering to the item inside. You were sure you were just sick with stress but you wondered if perhaps it was something more sinister. Perhaps it was best to check.

You could hear Joel and Ellie as they pilfered the house for essentials. So you knew they wouldn't miss you for a little while longer.

You were sitting with Ellie when Joel emerged from upstairs, hair still wet from showering. His eyes raked over you a moment. Your knee bounced as you stared at your pack that lay on the table. You felt sick. Your stomach twisted in painful knots as you unconsciously picked at the skin around your thumbnail.

"Well, don't you look pretty." Ellie teased, pulling a smirk from you as you glanced up at him.

"Shut up." He grumbled, "Come on... time to go."

Ellie got up and skipped outside but you were slower to follow. Grabbing your pack, you threw it over your shoulder and started to make your way out, Joel stopping you when you reached him.

"You okay?" He asked and you nodded.

"Golden." You replied, giving him a smile that you knew was convincing no one.

Because the truth was you weren't okay... Far from it!

And you didn't know what you were going to do.

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descendant-of-truth · 1 year

Text

I've been wondering if I should make this post for a while, but I'm just gonna come out and say it: the Sonic movies are not pro-military just because Tom is a police officer. I'd argue that the movies are pretty anti-military, actually.

So, let's talk about Tom first, since he's kind of the elephant in the room with this discussion. Tom is the sheriff to a small town where he rarely has to deal with any real crimes; he usually deals with more trivial problems like people's cars breaking down, and we see him help a family of ducks cross the street.

He's an officer partly out of a sense of obligation (reportedly his family has held this position in some way for over 50 years), and partly because he wants to be in a position where he can protect people in serious situations. His goal at the start of the first movie is to start working in a bigger city where he can be more helpful.

I won't say that Tom isn't something of an idealized vision of a cop, and that in the wrong hands, he could easily be used as a form of military promotion. But I think Tom is like this for a different, more specific reason: to be used as a sharp contrast to literally every other government official we see.

Question: who exactly is the villain in the first Sonic movie? Robotnik, yes, but who is he? What does he represent?

Well, he's pretty much the face of the military.

Robotnik is under direct orders from the government to look into the power outage incident, and that turns into a mission to capture (and experiment on) Sonic - and regardless if Robotnik was authorized to use lethal force, he does so anyway.

And the thing is, all of the higher-ups know he's unhinged and dangerous, but he keeps his job because he gets results regardless of his methods. Heck, the first thing we see him do is lie to Tom about who he is and what he's there for so he can get inside his house to search it. Not exactly the most flattering portrayal of military investigations.

(He even gets punched by Tom after forcing his way into the house anyway)

Tom then proceeds to spend the rest of the movie on the run from the government, going out of his way to protect Sonic (who is quite literally an illegal alien) at the risk of his own livelihood. Clearly, adhering to his job description is not something the movie views as morally correct here.

Second question: who's the villain of the second movie? Still Robotnik, but he's not employed by the government anymore, so he can't really represent them anymore, right?

No, but considering Sonic's adopted family was actively manipulated by a government spy, who was meant to marry his new aunt in order to target him, and Sonic proceeds to get tased and thrown into a cage along with Tails by the other military personnel present at the fake wedding... I think it's safe to say that they are, once again, a central antagonistic force in this series.

(Yeah they do a funny where the spy turns out to have fallen in love for real, but I think we can all agree that was done for the sake of keeping a whimsical tone and not to endorse what was actually happening with the government there)

Which brings us to the third movie, which is still unreleased at the time of writing this. And one final question: how exactly do you think they're planning to write an adaptation of Sonic Adventure 2?

They've already set GUN up as the villains. That alone is central to Shadow's backstory, and the writers have clearly done their homework on Sonic lore. And even if they've somehow wildly missed the messaging of the franchise they've made two successful movies off of, the fact of the matter is that there is no adapting SA2 without anti-military sentiments. Like, they would have to work pretty hard and completely butcher both the game and their own movies up to this point for that to come out being pro-military.

This part's more in speculation territory, but here's a thought: what do you think Tom is going to do when he finds out what happened to Shadow?

Remember, Tom is an idealized small town sheriff who has this job out of obligation. He hasn't had to deal with the darker side of all this stuff until he started protecting Sonic, which - just as a reminder - has led to his house being searched, his car being cut in half, Sonic almost getting killed at least twice, his sister-in-law being manipulated, Sonic and Tails getting locked in cages... I'm probably even missing a few things.

Once everything that happened 50 years ago comes to light (especially if the theorists are right about Tom's family having been involved in it), I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he just. quit being a police officer. or got into activism. or both.

But even if we limit the analysis to just the two movies that are out right now, I struggle to see how "Tom shirks his duties to protect an alien child from being experimented on by the government" is in any way a pro-military sentiment.

In conclusion: basically every problem in the Sonic movies is the fault of the government in some way, so can we please stop talking about the series as if Tom is singlehandedly making them pro-military, now. Thanks

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic movie #sonic movie 2 #sonic movie 3 #tom wachowski #dr robotnik #movie robotnik #analysis #meta #This is mostly constructive but I am. just a bit annoyed XD

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thisisanewlowes · 3 months

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hi i loved your jake one-shot and i was wondering if you could do another one with like captain!jake watching ensign!reader dancing with her friends. and like he wants to dance with her but he can't.

Okay, anon, uhm, YES yes I can do that. I hope this did your idea justice. It's now serving as p2 to what I can only assume is a series that I will quickly become obsessed with writing.

What If I’m Not Enough? (Dancing to His Rhythm) | Jake Seresin x Reader

Summary: When Jake watches you get hit on by a younger man, his insecurities get ahold of him. That means it’s up to you to make things better.

Warnings: Age gap (~20 years - reader is in her early twenties and Jake is in his early forties), power imbalance, jealousy, insecurity, allusions to smut

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: Hi all, and welcome back to what is probably going to be a little series with Captain!Jake and Ensign!Reader. This is a part of the What If I’m Not Enough? collection, but it can be read as a one-shot as well :) I hope you all love these two as much as I do!!

As the energy in the bar heightened, it was impossible for you to not give in when your friends pulled you out of your seat to go dance with them. As Commander Bradshaw slammed on the piano keys, you and your friends sang along to the lyrics and twirled around. Unbeknownst to you, however, a certain blond captain was staring at you from beside the bar. Eyes trained to follow the flow of your body, Jake looked on as you spun in a wide circle with Evelyn Garcia’s hands in yours.

“She’s hot.” Jake turns ever so slightly to look at the younger man who appeared beside him.

“Mhm,” he responds, unable to keep his eyes off of you for a moment longer.

“I might just go over there and ask her to dance,” the man declared as he took one last swig of his beer before slamming it down on the bar. “Wish me luck man,” he said as he gave the captain a pat on his shoulder.

Jake stood stunned with his eyes narrowing at the man as he sauntered over to where you stood gossiping with the Garcia’s. He watched as the man approached you and placed a hand on the column above you for support as he leaned down to whisper something in your ear. Jake also watched as your eyes grew wide and your face turned pink. He acutely remembered how you reacted to him the first time he used that move on you. And the second time. And the third. To say he was a bit jealous would be the understatement of the century.

In his opinion, it took you a bit too long to get your words out and politely step away from the man who was just a bit too much your type. And Jake’s opinion was always right.

You looked up at Jake shyly as you stepped around him to sit on one of the barstools. “I didn’t flirt with him,” you whispered, “I promise.”

He hated how you looked at him then. Like he was going to be mad at you. Like he could ever be mad at you. “I know,” he sighed, “I know.” “Then why do you look so sad?” You gently asked, moving to place your hand on top of his before he pulled away.

“Not here.” He looked down at you as you slouched. Jake knew that you didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t you that he was upset at, it was himself. “Hey,” he said, “How about I go get the car warmed up and you can come sneak in after about five minutes? We can go home and watch that movie you’ve been talking about?”

“Really?” You said, a smile dancing at the corners of your mouth. “Okay, yeah, I’ll go tell Mickey and Evelyn that we’re heading out.” As you hopped off the bar, Jake’s forced smile turned back into a drimace as he slunk out of the Hard Deck.

Exactly five minutes passed and there you were, slipping into his passenger seat. “Hi. Okay. All ready.” You smiled over at him and instantly frowned when he didn’t react. “Jake?” You said, reaching out for him once more.

“Like I said, baby, not here,” he said as he moved your hand back. In lieu of your gesture, he placed a hand on your thigh out of habit. The rest of the fifteen-minute drive back to the house you shared was in silence.

It took you both taking separate showers and getting into bed for him to finally open up. “What if I’m not enough?” He asked quietly. If you didn’t know any better, it would seem that he was about to cry.

“Enough for what?” You asked as he pulled you into him.

“Enough for you,” he murmured onto the top of your head. With that you sat up, looking at him with a look akin to pity.

“Jake… what do you mean that you’re not good enough for me?” You almost laughed at the idea. “Jake, you’re everything to me. Honestly, I don’t understand how you couldn’t understand that.” To that, he moved his face to the side. With a gentle hand, you cupped his cheek and moved him to look back up at you. “I don’t think that I knew what love was until I met you. Actually, I know that I didn’t know what love was until I met you. I go through every day just waiting to be able to see you again. You’re everything that I’ve ever needed. And I didn’t know how much I wanted this until I had you.”

“But…” Jake interjected.

“No, listen to me,” you laid back down on his chest and drew lazy lines across his abdomen. “You are everything, Jake. I’ll say it a thousand times tonight if I have to and a million times more after that. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t.”

“No, baby, you didn’t do anything. I just…” He trailed off.

“You just what?”

“I just wonder if- well- if I’m too old for you. I mean, I know I am- or I know people say that I am, but I mean… I can’t be everything that you want. I can’t go dance with you in the bar because we’ll lose our jobs. I can’t go with you to the concerts you like and honestly I don’t want to. I just feel like we’re too different. And what happens when you realize that you have so much of your life to live? I just don’t want to take that from you,” he confessed.

“Oh, my love,” you said as you looked back up at him and gently placed your lips to his. “Trust me, that isn’t what I want. And what kind of life would I be living if you weren’t in it? You never have to worry about me waking up one day and wanting something new. I know that I’m young, but I know what I want. I want this. Us. I want a life together, however that looks to us. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay, baby,” Jake said before placing one more kiss on your lips and wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you closer. Jake took the giggle you let out as a sign to pull you on top of him. “You said you want to be with me however that looks, right?” He questioned.

“Yeah…”

“Well to me,” Jake said, flipping you both so you were on your back, “that looks like you under me for the rest of the night.”

“I think I can get behind that,” you said with a laugh before pulling Jake down by the neck to kiss you once more.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

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howdoesagrapewrites · 2 months

Text

𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬

Plot: Baela needs some stress relieving before the battle, and who's best than her sweet older sister?

Cw: lovesick!Baela Targaryen x reader, top!Baela x sub!reader, could be Blackfyre!reader but this is not really canon so who cares, smut, fingering, grinding, your usual unhinged medieval sexuality, incest, targcest could be read as internalized homophobia but not really, dirty talk, virginity loss, Baela's POV at first, then reader's POV

Notes: This is not really canon, or important in the Dragon Jaws/Blackfyre series, it's just a little treat

Baela and Y/N were in a tent after a session with the generals of the black army, they discussed the strategy for combat tomorrow. It was late, probably later than it was prudent, after all, no warrior with half a brain would go into war without proper rest; but it was not easy to fall asleep with so much in mind.

The sisters shared a tent, both as a security measure, and one of emotional need. They had spent their whole lives together, missing each other terribly when apart. They would exchange letters and travel on dragonback into the arms of one another, though the tent was missing Rhaena, their other sister, they accepted this gracefully, as it was to keep her safe.

They slept on a big bed (as much as it could be called a bed), usually ending up tangled in the other's embrace. For Baela, it was hard. She was in love with her sister, she desired her. It had evolved throughout the years, but she was sure she loved her sisters from the moment she was able to love. During puberty this feeling grew, it enveloped her, and now, as an adult, it was irresistible. For one, she was grateful she was born a woman, she could shower and dress with her without any shame, stare at her bosom, her perky nipples, her hips, her back, so soft and ready to be marked. She remembered this time during her younger years, where with the excuse of curiosity, she asked her older sister about her developing body, Baela standing naked before her, with her only in her undergarments, both getting ready for bed after swimming on the sea.

"I just can't know if they will get like yours, can you look at me?" She timidly asked. Y/N just caressed her curly hair, and said "It's normal, they look normal. They just might be small, that's lovely too" she said, innocent to the hormone-filled train of thought Baela was conjuring. Y/N topped it off with words that would be repeated over and over in Baela's head for years to come: "You can't tell anyone this, but you and Rhaena are the most beautiful Targaryens to have ever lived" they laughed and Baela felt butterflies erupt in response to her gentleness.

And now, Baela can't sleep thinking about that, she wants her, if not now, when? When will they ever find a better place and time to have each other? Probably many more, Baela thinks, however, what matters is that after years of simmering, her lust has come to a boil.

"Y/N" she calls

"Ahem?" She responds, sleep filled voice

"Have you thought about the end of the war?" She asks, snuggling her body close to hers, Baela is hugging her from behind, the bed feels warm

"I guess we all have"

"I'm fighting like a man" Baela stated "But once the war ends, I won't have the power of a man"

"I think we all want the power of a lord. Lord Baelon, how does that sound? I think it has a nice ring to it" said the oldest "How about me? How would my name sound as a lord?"

"Hmm... I'd like you to remain a lady" Y/N made a curious noise at Baela's words, and then noticed her hand going lower, from the side of her chest, to her waist. "That way... You would be lord Baelon's wife, keep the blood of the dragon pure" her hand hands reached for the buttons in her nightgown. "I would share you with Rhaena" she stopped to think of a fitting name for her sister "Lord Rhaegar, that would be nice... But she can be a lady too, what matters is that I'll have both of you"

Y/N aids Baela with the unbuttoning of her blouse, guiding her hand to her bare skin "I'm not liking it too much, you are cocky, I would like to marry a gentle lord" she says that, but she's undressing for Baela. "Remain a lady, for me, sister, I do not need more"

"I do" Baela says, flipping you on your back, looking deeply into your eyes from above, her hair tickles your shoulders as they fall like a cascade

She closes the distance and kisses you like a starved animal, like a dragon. She's fire, so are you. You devour each other, you grab her curls to trap her, she moans when she feels your nails massage her scalp. You break the kiss to gasp for air, Bae looks dizzy and lovestruck, all of her bold attitude is now gone.

Her hands touch your sides softly, and you nod so she can go ahead. Her palms are soft, but there's an undeniable roughness thanks to the dragon reins she holds onto.

Baela kisses your neck, by this point, your torso is bare, you get goosebumps from the cold air around you. She kisses all the way down to your navel, your underpants are tied with baby blue ribbons, and Baela softly tugs them down.

"It's not enough" she whispers in your ear as she exposes your cunt

You softly sigh as her slender fingers play with your folds, gathering the slick and rubbing your clit with it. She keeps kissing you, and teasing your hole with her finger, not quite fucking you with it. You enjoy it until you don't, and start shamelessly grinding against her, you get a little louder, whining "Lady Baela" and biting your lip in hopes of seducing her. She can't resist, and slowly inserts only her ring finger, slowly pumping in and out of you.

Soon the pace quickens, but you both agree is not enough, and Baela is shivering with the desire to be touched too. Mid-making out, she asks you to sit up.

"I have an idea, just-" she undresses too, with your eager help she lays down, resting her head on the pillow, now naked. She motions you to sit on top of her. You slowly lower yourself with Baela guiding your hips to where she wants them to be, both of you giggle with the tender awkwardness of both your cluelessness.

Your pulsing cunt comes to grind on top of her, you experimentally move, and are rewarded with a a breathy moan from Baela. You build your pace, wiggling your hips and riding her pussy, you start slow, feeling her clit and folds rub with yours, at first it's too intense, and your eyes get wet with tears from pleasure. But then it's not enough, and you ride her like it's the last thing you'll do, it gets difficult to hide your moans, but you think anyone would know what's happening, based on the wet clapping sounds of skin of skin.

It gets slippery with slick, and your hips get tired, but Baela's voice demanding more is just too intoxicating. You come and collapse on top of her, but she's still rolling her hips and sucking on your neck, you plead for mercy, but she's as ruthless in bed as in the battlefield, so after you momentarily stop, she bites you. "Did I say you could stop?" You are in fact tired, but just listening to her commands has you clenching, so your lower body gets a mind of its own and keeps moving to satisfy your sister. You know that you would probably see the sun arise before Baela had her fill of you.

...

"Y/N" she calls, this time she doesn't wait for an answer, as she knows you're awake "You will not marry anyone, you'll wait for me"

You get a little sad, you know that you can never marry Baela, and don't know exactly what she means "Yet you will marry Jace" you say, maybe a little too hurt

"I will" Baela makes you look at her in the eyes, as she promises you this "But I will make him take you as a wife too, you will not marry until that happens" she's tender, but you are aware she's being dead serious. Jacaerys taking a second wife? A bastard one at that? It sounds too fantastic, and you would like to live in that fantasy, but your mind will not let you.

"Trust me, Y/N."

"I don't think many would accept it"

"Then I suppose Moondancer will have grow fat from too many nobles"

#dragon jaws #hotd x reader #yandere targaryens #yandere hotd #yandere Baela Targaryen #baela targaryen x reader #baela targaryen #baela the brave #Baela Targaryen smut #hotd smut

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ohtobeleah · 1 year

Note

Hangman would have seen you and Rooster hugging tho. Jealousy, jealousy?

For those who haven’t been following along—This is just a really fun series I’ve been concepting. The Masterlist is here.

Oh for sure he did! And he wasn't going to not bring it up the second he had a chance to either. Jake Sersin had seen his wife in the arms of Bradley Bradshaw out the front of the Hard Deck. He’d seen a few seconds of what could only be described as a friendly encounter with an acquaintance. A nice acquaintance at that. But there was never any malice intention or underlying feelings. But what did Jake know? Only what he could see and what he saw was his wife in the arms of another man. Someone other than himself.

“You know I saw you and Hawk at the Hard Deck Bradshaw.” His muscles hurt but he’d never admit it. Up, down, up, down. Right on cue every time. “Care to explain why you’re all over my wife?” Rooster cast a shadow down over Hangman. His body eclipsed the sun that beamed down on his back. Smirking, Rooster couldn’t help but to chuckle. Did he smell jealousy? Perhaps.

“Picturing me thick as thieves with your ex-wife not sitting right with you Hangman?” Rooster teased as he watched Hangman doing his push ups after Maverick had got tone on him, Phoenix and Bob. Crouching down as he let his forearms rest on his thigh. “We were just having a chat, nothing more to it man.”

“What happened between you two anyway?” Bob, the Weapon Systems Officer is questioned between his staggered push ups. “Lieutenant Commander Seresin seems nice, don’t really know why she’d go for a guy as egotistical as you to begin with Bagman.”

“You’ll never be able to love me more than you love flying.” Scrambling around the house as you threw things into the open luggage bag. You’d been called for a last minute assignment. “You're reckless and careless, you act like you don’t have someone waiting for you to come home!” Jake had only just gotten home, his first air to air kill confirmed mere minutes after he’d set foot stateside. “I can’t take this anymore, I can’t breathe Jake! I can't—“ And it was safe to say you weren’t taking the news well at all.

“It’s my job! when you married me that was the deal! A package!” Jake Seresin was missing a vital point in your argument. He couldn’t understand why you were so upset. He was home, he was alive. But it was the thought of losing him to his own selfishness that had finally eaten away at you enough to break you.

“But it’s not just a job Hangman!” You never really used his call sign, so to hear you say it with such venom made his heart break. “It’s the way you do your job!! You fly like every last training session is your last! Every mission, every task is your last. Everyone says the same damn thing too! You don’t play well with others, you don’t fit on the goddamn team so why the hell should I expect them to risk their lives to save your sorry arse if something were to happen?”

“Y/n—baby.” It was hard to have a counter argument prepared when Jake didn’t think he’d done anything wrong to begin with. Trying to keep you from leaving, his hands on either side of your shoulders. “I’m here? I’m okay! What's the problem, love?”

“The problem Jake is that they wouldn’t!” Heavy, that’s what Jake would call the atmosphere around you. He’d remember the look of hopelessness in your eyes, the love that you had for him. Immense and fierce. You loved him so much it scared you to the point where you had to leave for your own sanity. “And suddenly it’ll just be me, and I’d rather it just be me on my own accord then for you to be taken away from me because you’ve burnt all your bridges to the point no one will want to save you!”

“We just needed some time apart, and haven't really found a way back yet.” Jake really did like to downplay what he unintentionally put you through. Simply because he wasn’t ready to stop being the best of the best. He knows that confirmed air to air kill was the final straw that broke you—he could have easily let it go, but he didn’t. Unnecessarily endangering himself for the thrill of the chase. “And she is a nice person—“ Huffing as he finished his push-ups, Jake groaned as he stood to his feet. Rooster doing the same, staring each other day. “Hug my wife like that again and I’ll break every goddamn bone in your body.”

“Ex wife—Hangman, she’s your ex wife.” Bradley snickered as he pushed his aviator sunglasses up the bridge of his nose with a wicked shit eating smirk. “Hawk can do whatever, and whoever she wants.” Without so much as a glint of hesitation Jake was shoving at Roosters chest. His nostrils flaring with every intent of beating to life out of Bradley Bradshaw for even insinuating such a concept. You were his fucking wife. His.

“Hey!! Hey—!” It was only when you had come out to ask Hondo when Pete would be finishing up that you saw the confrontation going down. Jogging over, you couldn't really move all that quickly with your dress shoes on. You preferred to wear your service uniform more often than not. The tan looked good and was rather comfortable all things considered. But as you raced towards where Jake and Bradley stood puffing their chest and flaring their nostrils like baboons? A small part of you wished you’d just taken Mavericks offer on a more comfortable flight suit. Some old baggy one from the back of his collection. “Hey! Knock it off!”

At the sound of your voice, the sweet sound of fire and grace, Jake's shoulders settled a little. His anger dissipated. Stepping back and away from rooster as you caught his attention, all of it. Approaching with a huff after running across the tarmac, you took a deep breath in, hands resting on your knees as you bent over dramatically. Heart rate higher then you would have liked it to have been.

“What the hell is going on? Huh?”

“Nothing Lieutenant Commander–” It wasn't hard to catch onto the tone Jake laced your title with. It had been the same way you had called him Lieutenant not a few hours prior. With a glare unmissable and a tight jaw clenched, you turned to Rooster who stood close by. Sending him a questioning look.

“Anything to add?” It wasn't something you took pleasure in, being authoritarian. You’d much rather just keep a low profile. But sometimes, pulling the rank card was the only thing you could do to get your point across, to remind people you were still a person to take seriously. “Lieutenant Bradshaw?”

“Not a word ma'am” Rooster played into it well, bouncing off Jake's ego a little too well. “We were just discussing independence, it seems as though some of us have forgotten that free will is a thing.” It did surprise you, not in the slightest bit. Of cause they were arguing over something stupid. It was always something stupid wasnt it.

“Rooster, why don't you take a walk.” You knew from your conversation with Hondo just minutes ago he was due to be up in the air in half an hour. “Cool off, clear your head or else Mav’s gonna send you packing.” You didn't give him a chance to respond as you turned on your heels, facing Hangman once again, eyes squinting as the sun beamed down, holding your hand up to shade your eyes. “Hangman–my office.”

“Yeah I think I’m good–” Shrugging you off Jake began to walk away, the group of stunned pilots, Phoenix, bob and Rooster all let their jaws slack a little at the confrontation unfolding. You may have been his ex wife but first and foremost in this moment you were his superior. To blatantly disrespect you like he did was unheard of behavior. Watching for a brief second as Jake pushed past you, his shoulder bumping into you as he did so.

“It wasn't a suggestion, Lieutenant!” Your voice strained as you raised it to something above what you were comfortable with. “My office, now!” Pausing his trajectory without so much as looking back, Jake changed the direction he was heading. Turning as he made his way to your office. Turning back to Rooster holding the bridge of your nose. “Don’t you have better things to be doing? I’m sure Lieutenant Kazanksy is around somewhere, go annoy her!”

***~***~***~***~***~

Slouched in one of the arm chairs by your desk, Jake watched as you stepped through the threshold of your office. Anger evident on your face as you stuck your tongue against your cheek. Seething. Slamming the door behind you without even flinching. It was needless to say it was very out of the ordinary for you to lose your cool like this, you would consider yourself to be a pretty easy going, level headed person. But when it came to all things Jake Seresin? Level headedness was always the first thing to go flying out the window.

“I'm sorry–”

“Cut the shit!” It stung like venom. Sitting on the edge of your desk as you ripped in. “You don't ever get to treat me with such disrespect, of all people who I thought would’ve been okay with taking a direct order, it would be you. Mr only naval aviator on active duty with a confirmed air to air kill.”

“I'm still getting used to the idea of you being a Commander, I slipped up, Ma’am.” Jake paused for a moment as his eyes trailed your body, biting his bottom lip gently as he pictures what might be hidden under your uniform. “I promise it won't happen again.”

“You know, I really do wonder what will be your last lie.” huffing softly in defeat you let your demeanor change. Dropping the attitude you hated having. You weren't an authoritative figure, you were simply just you. “But if you promise, I guess I'll just have to take your word won't I?” Nodding, Jake stood from his place in the chair near your desk, stepping closer as you pushed yourself a little further back on top of your desk. “What were you and Rooster really fighting about?” with your legs hanging over the side, Jake slipped in easily, one of your knees on either side of his left leg.

“You.” It came out with no hesitation as Jake let his hands linger along your hips.

“Me? I haven't done anything?” Realistically you hadn't. “How am I the problem here?”

“Please–I saw you and Bradshaw out the front of the Hard Deck.” Hangman wasn't willing to admit a lot of things, but there was one thing for sure. He was a very jealous man.

“You mean you saw me interacting with a friend, Jake you can't be serious.” Jake's grip on your hips got a little tighter as you dismissed his jealousy. Clenching his jaw as he looked at the ground. “You know we aren't together right? If I wanted to see other people I very well could.”

“Are you?” Jake finally met your gaze, his eyes just slightly glazed with what you could only describe as the beginning of tears. “Are you seeing anyone?” It was a heavier question than he ever thought it would be. To ask his wife, the love of his life if she was seeing someone new. Someone else besides him. “Because if you are, I'll respect it, just–just dont lie to me, that's all I ask.” His actions weren’t matching his words. Jake's hands slowly worked their way up your body, finding their home against your cheeks as he cupped your face in his hands. Softly, ever so gently caressing your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “I'll wanna beat the ever living shit out of whoever gets to call you theirs but i'll respect your decision.” it made you chuckle, you couldn't help it. Deciding to just come clean, with honesty and your heart on your sleeve. Pulling out your dog tags that hid under your uniform. Your wedding band looped around the silver ball chain.

“I'm not seeing anyone you idiot, but i'm not seeing you either.” Jake couldn't hold back his smirk, pressing his lips against yours as he held you close to him in the palms of his hands. Your lips soft against his as he deepening the kiss with every passing second. Tongues dancing like they'd done this on an endless loop before. You’d missed this. This feeling. The feeling of being loved. Being needed. But as always, it was forever fleeting. “Jake–”

“I know I know–” With his eyes closed and his forehead resting against yours, Jake Seresin for a moment had you in his grasp again. “Professionalism in the workplace.” Pulling away with a sigh, Jake let his hands drop to your knees. “But off the clock, dinner?”

“You asked me last night.” Reminding Jake as he stood in front of you, straddling your leg. His eyes widening at your attitude, placing a hand over his heart as if you'd shot him.

“You said no last night?” Yeah, you did do that didnt you? Oh well.

“Oh and you expect me to say yes now that you know i'm single?” It struck another raw nerve, but in the best way it possible could have as Jake kissed you once again. This time with more lust, with more passion. Harder and more fierce than before his teeth clashed against yours and his hand slightly wrapped around your throat. With just enough pressure to have your core paulse. Fuck.

“Your aren't single, you're married. To me! And I'm asking my wife to have dinner with me which is a very normal and socially acceptable thing to do.” You let him squirm for a moment, watching through hooded eyes as you decided if it would be a good idea or not to have dinner together. Deciding maybe throwing a dog a bone once in a while would be a good thing, what could possibly go wrong?

“Fine–”

***~***~***~***~***~

Five hours, twenty minutes and forty five seconds. That’s how long Jake Seresin had left before he’d be able to confidently stand at your door and pick you up for dinner. Although the Hard Deck was nothing special and would most likely be full of naval men and women all grabbing a bite to eat and a few drinks after a day's work. It was still special because it was with you.

“Sir, if I may?” You weren't the type of person to interrupt, you took orders accordingly and spoke when you were spoken to. “I have a concept I’d like to address—while we’re all here?” Waiting for a moment, you couldn’t help but to think Admiral Beau was about to reprimand you for interrupting the debrief. The mission parameters were so important for the pilots to understand, who the hell did you think you were interrupting.

“Make it quick—“ With his arms crossed, you let a small sigh of relief escape as you nodded softly. Handing Pete Mitchell your clipboard as you worked with the interactive map that lit up before the TopGun graduates.

Jake sat a little straighter in his chair, chewing his gum with a stare that saw directly into your soul. This was odd? You weren’t normally one to step out of line like this. You followed protocol to the fucking letter. Crossed all the T’s and dotted all the i’s. For you to interrupt during the middle of a debrief? Un fucking heard off.

“I’ve been up all night thinking this could be done better.” Your eyes were still bloodshot from all the ways you’d tried to go about this at different angle. Settling on the one you were about to present. “But, if this is the carrier and this is the airbase, and this is the target point.” Drawing a line from points A B and C with your index finger. “I propose we have the pilots fly directly from point A being the carrier to point C being the target.”

“We need the super hornets to fly over the airbase in order to disarm the enemy. Missiles will be dropped from a higher altitude—“

“What if we used something else to dismantle the enemy’s airfield, sir.”

“I’m assuming you already have an idea, Lieutenant Commander?” Maverick answered with a smirk, enjoying this just a little too much. Anyone who could twist Admiral Beaus' knickers in a knot was considered a friend. He liked you—for someone well reserved and on the quiet side you had balls.

“Tomahawks Sir, we can launch them directly from the carrier a minute or so after initial take off—giving the team the advantage of time.”

“I’m sorry—what did you say you actually do?” Fanboy didn’t mean for it to sound rude, he was just genuinely intrigued. “I think I missed the part where everyone was told what your role was.” Looking his way with a soft gaze, you tried your best to puff your chest a little. Knowing you were pretty good at your job.

“I’m an analyst—“

“A bloody good one at that.” Admiral Beau approached you from his seat at the back of the room, looking at your drawn up proposal on the interactive board. “Damn, this is—this is genius, a million dollar idea but still, genius.”

Jake couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. You were brilliant in every sense of the word. For a meeting he’d forgotten just how intelligent you truly were, how you managed to make an incredibly hard job so easy. Staring as you softly swayed side to side, accepting the praise you received from your superiors. Melting inside when your eyes met his. The smile, beaming just for you, his heart beating with such love and admiration. Admiring you from his seat in the front.

“Damn— tomahawks huh?” Jake walked with you out towards the tarmac, his first run through with the new flight path set and ready for about twenty minutes' time. Bumping your hip, his way of flirting. Bumping him back—your way of flirting. “You really think that’ll work?”

“I think it’s the safest option, unnecessary diversion from what’s essentially a straight shot just doesn’t make sense to me—“ Pausing your explanation when you noticed Jake smirking to himself. “What?”

“Nothing nothing!” He chuckled. “I just, I could listen to you all day, honestly but—how about you tell me in full detail over dinner tonight.” Jake beamed as he started jogging away, turning to run backwards as he waited for you to reply. Rooster zipping past with his helmet in his hand. Catching up to where your ex husband, Hangman stood.

Feeling overly vulnerable. You hugged yourself gently. Watching as Jake sent you a wink.

“Dinner! I’ll pick you up at seven!” It made you swoon. Trying to hide your smile as you shouted after him.

“Deal.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @justanothermagicalsara @alexsisrebekah @stinkyjax @starkleila

#jake seresin imagine #jake seresin x y/n #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin fanfiction #top gun hangman #top gun maverick fanfiction

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auteurdelabre · 4 months

Text

DARE TO SURRENDER (Part 5/6) (series) JAVIER PENA x f!Reader

DARE TO SURRENDER: Javier Pena x f!reader

Words: 8.8

summary: You and Brad hit up the club for date night, you’re shocked to find a jealous Javier already there.

A/N: Next chapter is the last and I'm gettin' real sad about saying goodbye to these two. Lemme know your thoughts, whadja like best?

masterlist here

================================

Chapter 5

Javier stays away from you the next day. He has to because he doesn't feel like himself. And it's not just because of the way you'd slept over, not even just in the gentle kiss you'd pressed against his lips before leaving that had him hard and aching long after you'd left.

It's the apology.

He can't stop thinking about your eyes, so serious as you gazed up to him. Your body snuggled to his, your hand over his sternum. The action had felt loving.

"I'm sorry."

You've never apologized to Javier for anything. Not even when you've been in the wrong. Not even when you spilled coffee all over the IT dossier, you'd just snapped that Javier shouldn't have left his half full coffee cup so close to your elbow.

And what's more concerning is Javier's reaction to the apology. He'd felt it, that sensation of intimacy you both strive to avoid. The way he'd stroked your face, wanting to take away the anxiety resting there.

"I know, baby."

Why did he let you sleep over? Why didn't he just tell you to go, gently urging you out the door like he does with all the others? Why did it feel so good to sleep out there on his shitty sofa with you?

He doesn't want to dwell on that, of the feelings that come with remembering how perfectly your body felt against his.

He decides that this is just what comes of fucking someone so well. Other things can be denied, but the way your body's respond to each other cannot.

And now he's fucked you, seen your body, made you come and now it's time to move on. The chase is over. There's a new secretary who's been giving him the eye. Full-hipped with sweaters that cling to every curve. She'll do nicely.

He doesn't meet your eyes the next morning at work. You don't seem to notice. You're so stuck on "Brad" that you barely spare a glance for Javier anymore.

////

Yesterday you'd stumbled into work late after dashing home from Peña's to shower and get ready for the day. Steve had been back, sniffling but focused. Javier had been distracted by his own research, and the two of you hadn't really interacted.

That had felt like the right move, the logical step. Waking up in his arms had made you feel confused and a little anxious. Everything you know about Javier is through your own limited experience and what you've over heard from other women around the embassy.

Brad had distracted you so easily from those thoughts though. Sauntering into the office with a gentle hello osita* and a broad smile on his handsome face. He'd brought you a coffee just the way you take it.

He'd suggested a walk during your lunch break and you'd readily accepted. Once off the property of the embassy Brad had pulled you against him, kissing deeply, pulling apart only when a man on a bike threw you both a wolf whistle.

But you'd wanted more. You would have fucked him in the washroom of the cafe next door. Would have ridden him in his car. But Brad would never expect that of you. He would never suggest it. You're both still new, still learning.

Have you always been like this? So impatient and risky? Or did it start with Peña and his insatiability?

Peña.

Jesus, the other night had felt good. His body speaks to yours in a way that no other has. It has nothing to do with his personality which you find disg-

Well. Actually ... On second thought Javier has been much more pleasant lately. Snippets of the last few weeks go through your head. Him doing your paperwork, the suit, making you laugh, the kindness in his eyes, the fullness of his mouth. He's not so annoying these days. Even sleeping in his arms while strange hadn't felt entirely terrible. Just confusing.

But today after Brad and his sweet kisses you're feeling relaxed, even playful. Murphy is in a meeting with Carillo and Javier has just walked in and he must be tense because he's already puffing away on a cigarette.

You wait for him to bring you the coffee that he has done every day for the last month. When he doesn't you decide you're in such a good mood, you'll be the coffee girl today.

You make up his coffee,( black with half a scoop of sugar) and make your way to his desk. He's facing away from you, but at the sound of your heels over the linoleum you watch his broad shoulders tense.

"Thought you'd want one," you offer, nudging the white Styrofoam cup towards him on his desk.

"Had one on my way to work," Javier mumbles, not looking up at you, his head dipped as he makes frantic notes in scrawled writing. "Thanks anyway."

You feel slighted but you nod, taking the cup with you as you depart back to your desk. You feel an icy chill coming from him as he continues taking notes, his attention firmly wherever you are not.

"You mad at me or something Peña?" You tease airily, organizing the folders on your desk.

You say it casually but there's a real concern there simmering under the surface. The antagonistic yet playful relationship that you two shared seems to be diminishing. And that thought makes you feel cold, increasing when Javier just rasps over his shoulder at you without turning.

"Just busy."

"That's a first," you say trying to bait him. "You actually doing work."

You wait for his snarky reply, for his knowing smirk as he bites back with something.

But all you're left with is a long stretch of silence and his shoulders squared and tensing.

This goes on for the rest of the week. All the banter, the flirtation, the casual touches are gone, taken from you.

It makes the days go by slowly and it makes them feel awful. You didn't realize how much you'd gotten used to Javier's presence at your desk, the sly winks, the way he smiles when he makes you laugh.

Now it feels cold here in the office and more sterile than it ever did.

You suppose that's what makes you act out of character Friday morning. Peña has always been the pursuer, the one teasing. But today you want to see his little smirk, you feel almost desperate for any reaction from him.

You're sitting at your desk, one hand propped under your chin, the other gently twisting a pencil between your first three fingers.

You can't stop looking at Javier's back. He's started doing this, moving the typewriter on his desk so he doesn't have to look in your direction.

"Hello? You listening?"

You drag your attention from the back of Javier's lean neck and over to Murphy who's desk currently buttresses yours.

"Sorry, I missed it, what?"

"I said Connie wants to know if you wanna come over for dinner next week."

"Of course," you say with a forced smile. "Gonna be a big party?"

"Nah just a catch up," Murphy says stacking a cigarette between his lips. "Says I'm not social enough."

"Well. . . " You trail off, giving him a meaningful look accompanied by a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah fuck you," Murphy replies with a wide grin. "Bring that guy you're seeing."

"Sure."

You both turn when Peña calls over his shoulder without looking at you.

"You got those photos? Ones from the last debrief?"

Murphy tilts his chin in your direction. Peña is talking about your photos. You take a sharp inhale.

"Yeah, one sec."

You feel a bit strange walking over to Peña since his back is to you. It feels strange to have him so obviously ignoring you. It makes that competitive part of you surface, the need to make him interact with you. The need to make him smile for you.

You stand next to Peña's desk, your eyes darting to Murphy. He's gone back to his file and now it's Murphy who has his back to you.

Your eyes dart back down to Javier still willfully ignoring you. You want his eyes on you, crinkling into a smile or blown wide with desire. You don't care, you just want them on* you.

"Here you go," you say dropping the folder onto his desk. He nods, still not looking up at you. He's typing quickly, forefinger working madly over the keys.

Look at me.

With a pounding heart you tilt forward, your hands placed at the edge of the desk. You drop your voice to a husky whisper heard only by Peña.

"I hope they're helpful, papi."

You watch with satisfaction as his eyes blow wide and fingers slip clumsily over the keys, making a mistake in the notes he's been making.

"Fuck."

His mouth looks especially kissable today. You want to see it curved into a smile for you. You love his smile, the way that little dimple pops up on his right cheek. But he still doesn't look up at you.

Look at me.

He hears your silent plea. Dark, endless eyes weave from your hip up your body in a lazy trail that lingers over your chest before ending on your face.

Murphy excuses himself to grab something from down the hall but neither of you even notice. When the door closes you move closer and lean your hip against Peña's desk, looking down at him. It feels thrilling acting like this in work, teasing Javier for once.

He's staring up at you, his mouth parting when your hand goes to stroke along his shirt collar.

"You look tense," you say slow and syrupy. "Need to release some of that tension, baby."

His eyes lose their dreamy quality the second the pet name leaves your mouth. He tilts back in his chair, out of your reach.

"How's Brad?"

The accusation in his eyes makes you jerk backwards. You shift away from leaning on the desk, arms crossing.

"Uh, fine."

"You dating? It official?" Javier's voice holds a sneer. "Figure you must be close to it, knowing you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You like security," Javier says lighting a cigarette. "You like a plan. Brad's perfect for that. Bet he's already looking a white picket fences back in whatever corn-fed slum he comes from."

So much vitriol is spewing from him. You take another step back from him, your brows sharp.

"Wha-" you’re blinking rapidly. "Why are you saying that?"

"You think your future husband would enjoy knowing what we did the other night?" Peña asks smoothly, taking a long drag from his cigarette, the item looking dwarfed in his long fingers. "Or that you're here throwing yourself at me?"

He exhales slowly, letting the smoke curl around his lips, drifting insouciant in your direction.

"Throwing myself at you?" You scoff, your entire face turning so red it feels like it's burning.

And future husband? You haven't even been on a real date with Brad! But Javier's face is like a storm cloud, dark and moody.

You weren't expecting it to hit so hard. Wasn't ready for the way his clear derision would not only embarrass you but also hurt your feelings.

"Fuck you, Peña."

Another deep drag from his cigarette.

"Already did."

You spin away, your legs carrying you out of the office. You refuse for him to see you cry.

///

Javier feels sick to his stomach. He's never been cruel like that, not to you. You've never deserved it. You didn't deserve it today but he panicked.

He can't have you near him.

He doesn't know why but he feels prickly. He doesn't understand why, but every time you walk by him smiling and serene he's fucking furious.

How can you have done what you have with Javier and then walk around like you're not confused? Are you really so immune to emotion that you don't recognize that something has shifted? Or has it only shifted for him?*

He thinks of your finger dragging along his collar, the feel of your digit grazing his throat. Fuck.

Need to release some of that tension, baby.

You know how he feels about the term. You know he's attracted to you so why do it? For attention? To tease him?

How can you look at him like you do while Brad is waiting in the wings?

And why can't he stop thinking about you? Not just your body moving over his but the way your eyes squint when you laugh, the smell of your hair, the way your body felt tucked up next to his.

Fuck.

He needs to talk to you. Needs to apologize for what he said. It was so awful and ugly. He can't have you walking away thinking he meant any of it.

///

You feel your eyes brimming with tears, your steps uneven as you make your way down the hall.

Fuck Javier Peña.

You'd known he was an asshole. You'd seen the trail of broken hearts he left in his carnal wake. But you'd thought you were safe, thought that since

But here you are, crying over him anyway.

It's still early in the morning, the hallway isn't that busy and you think you can make it to the bathroom before the tears fall.

You move quickly down the hall, your heels clacking as you round the corner.

"Mornin' gorgeous."

You look up to see Brad approaching you from the opposing hall. Seeing his bright, smiling face makes it easy for you to blink the tears back, shooting him a watery smile. When he gets closer he sees the tears dotting your lash line.

"Wait, you okay?"

"Just a headache."

"Awww poor osita," Brad clucks, bringing you into a side hug. You told him you don't want to be too demonstrative at work, but after how Peña treated you, you curl into him.

"You really okay?"

"Yeah," you assure him. You don't want him to see you upset. You still barely know one another.

Brad is stroking your hair behind your ear. It's such a sweet and innocent gesture. Something Peña would-

Stop thinking about Javier fucking Peña!

Javier Peña is the last person you want to think about right now. He's cold eyes and grim mouth having you feeling sick to your stomach.

A quick glance tells you that you and Brad are alone in the hallway and in a moment of defiance you grip him by the collar and drag his face to yours.

You feel so out of sorts, so agitated by what's happened that you need it to go somewhere. Brad kisses you back immediately, no hesitation.

Your arms crawl up his shoulders, holding to him as he kisses you, his hands slung over your waist and then moving to your the globe of your ass, curling and pulling you tight against him. You're not expecting that. You'd wanted comfort not aggressive carnality. His pelvis is tight against yours.

"Shouldn't," you say, frozen to the spot at Brad nuzzles your neck before he nods, shaking his head as if coming back to himself.

"You're right," he says with a short laugh. But his hands are still on you and you don't feel like you can back up.

"Wowee," comes a voice from behind you. You and Brad jump apart, cheeks stained red. Murphy is walking by, giving you a quick wink.

"Well that's one way to pass the time," Murphy grins. His eyes move down the hall. "Eh Peña?"

Peña?

You jerk your head to follow Murphy's gaze and see Javier glaring at you and Brad from down the hall.

He's standing looking as if he was in mid stride. He gives a derisive shake of his head at you and then he's gone.

///

Javier is furious. Fucking seething.

He's scissoring his legs down the hallway, cigarette smoke trailing behind him like he's become some fury-fueled train.

Images of you and Brad tangled together. Murphy smiling and laughing and shooting Peña a wink that says 'finally our girl is letting loose!' like it doesn't take the breath from Javier's body just to see it.

Since when do you start making out in the middle of the embassy? What happened to that "professionalism above all things" mantra you threw at Javier time and time again?

Or is that only reserved for men you fuck for fun?

He wants to punch a wall. He wants to scream. He wants to fuck someone, anyone. He needs to expel this horrible clawing agitation from his body.

"Hola Javier."

Rosalia, the newest secretary. The one with the tight sweaters and great tits. Her tits are even better than yours. Fuck you and Brad and all that shit that makes him feel so inferior, so vulnerable.

"Hola bonita," Javier purrs, because this is familiar, this is good. When Rosalia blushes prettily under his gaze he knows that this is inevitable.

This is what he does. This is all he knows.

///

"Ugly," you tell yourself in the mirror Friday after work.

You're holding up a black dress that you'd brought with you from home. It had seemed so cool, so chic but now it just looks tacky. Ugly.

Brad will be here to pick you up soon. You've cleaned your humble apartment, put new sweet -smelling sheets on the bed. The dishes are stacked and drying and you've just shaved every part of you that men assume should be hairless, rolling your eyes at the thought.

Now you stand with mascara-rimmed eyes and deep red lips looking at the dress you thought would work so well for tonight.

It's slutty, you decide. You don't dress slutty because that's not you. You like conservative, not because it covers but because it makes you feel stronger, more confident.

But men like Brad want flesh. They want handfuls of ass and tits. They want hands over skin and the clap of bodies fucking hard and fast. But now you know you like it slow and deep and sensual.

Without meaning to your back on that couch in Javier's apartment, rocking slowly against him in a way that feels like caring not competition.

Is my girl feeling good?

His girl. Javier's girl. What would it be like to be Javier's girl? And then his eyes, his big beautiful night-sky eyes.

I know, baby.

"Stop," you murmur to yourself. "Fucking stop."

You’re self sabotaging yourself. You don't want Javier Peña. You want Brad, a man who treats you nicely, a man who doesn't play games.

You pull on the dress and you fluff your hair and you internally repeat that this is a Peña -free night. You're looking forward to getting with Brad, to dancing and drinking enough to give you the courage to invite him back here. To take him to your bedroom with its freshly made bed and-

Is my girl feeling good?

"Fucking stop!" You shout at the air in front of you. You will not waste another thought on Javier Peña.

///

"So how long have you worked with Peña?"

For fuck's sake.

You sit sullenly across from Brad and three of his colleagues. Apparently dinner and dancing wasn't just an invitation for you, but for an entire group. Brad is squished between two of them, his eyes on the food in front of him. He's dressed up, but his colleagues look like they just came from work.

"I don't work for him, I work with him."

One if Brad's friends, Mark you think his name is smirks over at Oliver.

"Is it true he hangs out at cat houses?"

"And sleeps with the prostitutes?"

Wide, shark smiles greet you from across the table. Leering faces, eager for the lurid and tantalizing. You don't understand how Brad is friends with them, or why he's smirking at them from behind his beer bottle.

"Peña is a really good agent," you say carefully. "His methods of Intel extraction are unconventional at times but . . . Effective."

Oliver and Mark exchange gleeful smiles. "That's a yes!"

You roll your eyes, sipping from your beer bottle and try not to sigh. This evening is not how you pictured it going.

An hour of watching Brad joke around with his colleagues and you've just about had it. He seems to sense this, excusing himself.

"Sorry boys, I owe this lovely lady a dance."

They bid you farewell, eyes on the ass of the passing restaurant hostess. You consider denying Brad, telling him you just want to go home but then he turns his charming smile on you and you consider that maybe just maybe there's been a misunderstanding.

"Sorry about that," he whispers in the cab on the way to the club moments later. "I told them we were going to dinner and they just asked to tag along."

"Right."

"Osita, don't be like that," Brad teases and you bristle. You don't like how the nickname sounds coming from Brad tonight. You force a smile, turning your attention out into the night that passes by your window.

///

Gusto the club is packed. All variety of beautiful people bump into you in the crowded and dimly lit space. There are booths full of couples kissing and fondling,

This is one of the few places that embassy staff seems to enjoy. You spot a few of the secretaries as you and Brad move through the gyrating throngs of people on the dance floor. You thought you'd grab a table first but Brad pulls you into his arms, insisting on a quick dance first. You agree, even though you're still a bit prickly about dinner.

Brad smiles down at you, pulling you tightly against him and grinding slightly against your pelvis. You're not a fan of this kind of dancing, not used to the over familiarity of the dance moves.

You like Brad but there’s something about tonight that feels off. You hadn't enjoyed the way he was with his friends. You don't enjoy the way he keeps brushing his hands along side of your breasts when you dance even after shifting away from the motion.

You don't feel comfortable.

"Hey I'm a bit warm," you call up to him over the music. "I'm just gonna get a drink."

"I'll join you," Brad calls back.

I wish you wouldn't.

You take a deep breath; hand in Brad's as you move through the pulsing crowd. The music is intense and heavy on the beat. The room is warm and you feel overheated, your hair sticking to the back of your neck.

When you finally make it to the bar, Brad tells you to hold tight as he walks down to get the bartender’s attention. You smile wanly, wondering if you still want to take Brad home after all. He's a perfectly nice guy, tonight just might be an off -night. People are allowed to have off-nights.

You spin on the bar stool, spine against the bar nodding at the clusters of people mingling around you. Your eyes go to the dance floor, hoping to be entertained when you feel your mouth drop open.

You catch his shoulders first, moving smoothly under the flashing club lights, then his lean neck and he tilts forward and whispers something to his date before spinning them in the center of the dance floor in time with the music.

It's Javier Peña looking fucking delicious.

He's got his pale yellow button-up on, his jeans practically painted on. His hair is brushed back from his face and all you can think is how fucking good he looks dancing.

He's damp from dancing, breathing heavily. His neck is slick and his hair curls slightly at the back where it touches. All you can think is that he looks like he's just been fucked and well. Your pussy literally throbs at the sight.

He dances like how others walk, confidently and smoothly as if it's the most natural thing in the world. It's hypnotic at the very least the way his hips swivel.

You've never seen him move like that before outside the bedroom. Never seen his body move with that kind of languid grace outside of his naked body pressing into yours.

But he's there on the dance floor, his date against him as his one hand splays over her stomach, holding her tightly against his hips, the other holding a drink. And when he moves you think it must be only you who's never quite seen it before. The way he just exudes charisma and sexuality in every motion.

It's in the way he holds his mouth when he's amused or the way he pops his hip when he stands too long in one place. He doesn't try to be sexy, he just is. He's dancing with some woman in a tight dress, his hips loose as she rubs up against him.

He laughs at something says showing his pearly white teeth and adorable dimple. That pit of flesh where you want to press yo-

Wait what the fuck? What the fuck are you thinking about?

You notice how tightly his date moves against him, her arms around his neck as she leans the back of her head against his sternum. It makes your teeth grind. You recognize her as the new secretary from the embassy. She's beautiful with pouty lips and an amazing body.

She's looking up at Javier through low eyes, desire clearly reflected there. He's focused on her body and you watch as their hips grind against one another in pulse with the music.

You feel sick.

Why do you care how Javier dances? Who gives a shit if he's here? He's been nothing but horrible to you all week!

Her body moves so fluidly, you've never seen anything quite like it. Jealousy, sharp and acute stabs through you at the sight of his hands on her hips.

Why is he here with her tonight of all nights? Is he trying to torture you? Why all of a sudden? What happened to make him suddenly despise you?

It hurts.

Javier is grinding with his date, aggressively now. There's a thin sheen of sweat over both of them, over everyone in the club really. But Javier's highlights the length of his neck, the curl of his hair at the ends.

He's saying something to Rosalia and she's nodding, her hand going to cup his neck as she leans back against his chest. You can't help but watch struck dumb when you see Peña's eyes drifting over the crowd.

When they land on you, you can only watch as his wide hands move over her hips, pulling her tightly to him as he stares at you with hungry eyes that gobble you up as you sit there dumbstruck on the barstool.

His hands are on Rosalia's waist, pulling her back against his front more tightly as he watches you. You're sure that if he's hard she can feel it there at the small of her back.

Why does that make you so angry?

And is it just anger? Or is it something more? It hits you belatedly as you watch Rosalia's body move against his hips so beautifully.

It's arousal.

You're turned on watching Javier dance. Underneath the jealousy of him being with another woman is the overwhelming desire you have when you see him moving like that, his strong body loose and sensual.

She's turned now, facing him so that when they dance their pelvis' merge. You expect that Javier will look away now, but if anything he's looking at you harder. His hands begin to squeeze her ass as they move together under the flashing lights. You swallow, irritated when Peña flashes a slow wink in your direction.

Fuck this.

You push yourself off the stool, your heart in your throat. You pass Brad carrying back your drinks and tell him you're going to the washroom. He nods and tells you he'll find a table.

You move blindly through the dark club, desperate to be away from the crowd, away from Javier's suffocating gaze.

You find a single stall washroom empty, thankful for the privacy. You pull the door closed, balancing against it as the pounding music muffles behind you.

You take a deep breath, eyes shut. It smells like cleaning products and old air fresheners. You move to the counter, thinking if you get some cold water on your face it might help.

The door to the bathroom creaks open and you berate yourself internally for not locking it behind you.

"Sorry occu-" the words die on your tongue as Javier slides in, pulling the door behind him.

His eyes trail over the lowered collar of your dress, the short cut of it at your mid thigh and you balanced there over the sink.

"Peña, what the fuck-"

"Hi, baby. Having a nice night?"

You stare at him, again dumbfounded as his arms cross over his chest and he leans against the wall with his shoulder. You want to ask him again why the fuck he's in here with you, but a bigger question looms in your mind.

"Did you follow me here to Gusto?"

"You think you're the only person to go dancing, Osita?"

"I've never heard of you going to clubs. And you just so happen to show up to this one tonight?"

Javier forces a shrug. "My date wanted to dance, what can I say? Considering what waits for me tonight I was more than amenable."

"How exciting for you," you reply drily. He just smirks at you, that annoying know-it-all smirk that gets under your skin.

“You might want to invest in a condom before you get back out there," you say with a surly edge to your voice. "You two were practically fucking on the dance floor."

"Jealous?"

"Of you and Brain-dead Barbie out there?" You scoff. "Hardly."

"Judgemental," Peña observes sucking his teeth.

He watches you bent over the counter, your chest heaving. Your dress is tight, and short. You never wear shit like this and he can tell it makes you hesitant, insecure. He doesn’t like that about it. He does however enjoy how it outlines the swell of your breasts and ass.

He needs to taste you. It's not a want, it's a need. He knows you'd taste fucking perfect on his tongue. Flavorful and full. He licks his lips and catches himself only when your eyes shutter.

“So what are you doing in here, Peña ?”

"I'm here to collect," he tells you, his voice sharp but his eyes soft.

"Get the fuck out of here," you insist with a sneer.

"Or what?" He challenges drolly. "You'll get big, bad Brad to come kick my ass?"

For some reason the thought of Brad and Javier fighting flashes into your mind. And for whatever reason Javier is throwing a steady punch, his muscles rippling under his shirt, that intensity in his eyes as he sends Brad stumbling back. You swallow when arousal floods you at the unbidden image.

"I don't need anyone fighting my battles for me," you inform him, trying to keep your voice steady.

"Don't I know it," Javier muses, and the sharp quality to his voice is gone leaving nothing but gentle amusement.

"Javier what is this? You ignore me all week, you make eyes across the dance floor as you dry hump your date and now you follow me into the bathroom?" You look around at the small space with its toilet stall and stone sink, arms raised in supplication

"What the fuck do you want?"

You don't expect him to cross the small space and you certainly don't expect his large hand to come and cup your throbbing pussy in his palm, gathering both your dress and panties in one handful.

"I want this," Javier murmurs, his mouth inches from yours. "I want my mouth on it."

You hold in a whimper at the realization that he must feel how wet you are through your panties.

"W-why?"

"Because you've denied me twice and I'm owed."

You both know he doesn't mean it. That these words exist as an excuse for him to be here in your space. He looks down at you through half lidded eyes, brow raised. He doesn't move his hand, and you find you don't want him to. He waits, not moving a muscle. You realize it's because he's waiting for your next move. Will you reject him or surrender?

"Yes," you finally say with a shaky nod. "I owe you."

You don't miss the grin that he tries to hide when he turns from you, dropping his hand from your pussy. You watch him lock the door to the bathroom, your pulse spiking.

You make no attempt to move, you're still sort of shocked by it all. Brad is waiting for you, Javier's date is waiting for him and yet your here with Javier and you have no desire to be anywhere else.

His dark eyes slide over your face, hands coming to your waist. You exhale softly as Javier slides you onto the bathroom counter, your bottom hitting the cool stone.

His hands remain loosely around your waist a moment but they soon move to the front of your dress. You gasp when his hands tug down the front to reveal and then bring out your tits from their clothed confines.

The nipples tighten almost painfully fast, and before you can cover yourself Javier curls a palm around both, testing their weight and grinning wickedly when he pinches the nipples and you give a breathy groan.

"Maybe we shouldn't," you start to say weakly, stopping when you see Javier shoot you a pitying smile.

"You really wanna stop?"

"No."

He wants to laugh at how quickly you replied, but he doesn't want you to think he's mocking you.

"Lean back."

He hears you whimper, your eyes cast down your body to watch everything. One of Javier’s hands leads your thigh to one of his broad shoulders. He kisses the inside of that softest of skin, his dark eyes staring up at you as you pant, your cheeks flushed. You look wrecked and the sight has him rock hard.

He sees in your face how much you want this, the panting escaping your mouth in soft little huffs. And those eyes of yours? Fuck. Pupil almost taking over the iris, glittering up at him so obviously in desire.

"You look so good like this, Osita," he purrs, gaze roving your body slowly taking his time despite the urgency of the moment. "Always want you looking at me like that."

"Like what?" You breathe.

"Needy."

You are needy for him.

His hair is sweaty, stuck to his forehead. His shirt is damp around the collar from his dancing in the club and yet he's never looked so fucking good to you.

Already you’re soaked, arousal spreading between your thighs. You're almost terrified of how badly you want Javier right now. It feels overwhelming, all encompassing.

You can only watch as Javier's wide hands slide up your thighs. You can't look away from the sight of those beautiful, golden hands sliding up up up until they disappear under your skirt. His thumbs graze along your inner thigh.

"So soft," Javier observes, his lips barely see moving. His dark eyes are glazed and you wonder if he even knows he's just spoken out loud. His fingers hook around your panties, pulling gently. You shift your hips so he can pull them off with ease.

"Normally I'd take my time," Javier insists, his hands going to your knees and gently urging them apart.

You both sense the urgency, can hear the pulsing beat of the music outside. Knows that it's only a matter of time before someone wants to use this particular bathroom.

He smiles before gently pulling your knees apart. You let them fall open as he kisses up your thighs, inhaling deeply and groaning. You tremble, legs splayed for him on the counter. Your back is against the cool mirror, your hands gripping the stone under your hands the best you can. He pauses, uncertainty there in his eyes.

"You want my tongue?"

"Yes," you breathe, your thighs trembling around his head. "Please."

Javier sinks to a kneeled position before his muscled arms coil around your thighs, hefting your lower half into his grip and towards his mouth. You can only just see your pussy lips from this angle, peeking out from your bunched dress. But from Javier's angle he can see everything and he is fucking dazed. You're so wet, puffy and delicious looking.

"Need to taste you," he groans and his fingers dig into your flesh as his mouth descends.

Your head hits the mirror as you arch. His tongue trails a stripe between the lips he parts with his fingers, eager to explore. Your thighs tremble as his tongue delves, circling your clit with precision, his neck strained forward.

Javier has eaten plenty of pussy in his day. He knows he's good at it, he knows how women like it. Watching and hearing you come undone under his tongue however is like a holy experience. He doesn't even have to use his fingers. You're so responsive to him, each subtle movement makes you keen and whimper.

"Jesus," you murmur, eyes slamming shut. It's true, all the things the secretary's say about him. His tongue is deadly and only seconds in you feel your body twitching with pleasure.

Javier wishes he was raised up higher instead of kneeling between your legs on the floor. If he was higher he could watch you both in the mirror. The thought makes his cock twitch.

You cry out a strange ream of gibberish as he sucks your clit into his hot mouth. You weren't ready for that, weren't ready for the electric shock that takes your breath away. Your legs spread further, desperate to feel more, deeper as he works between your legs.

"That's it," Javier hums, voice muffled. "Just enjoy, baby."

"Mhmm," you moan, back arching as his flattened tongue licks a stripe up your dripping slot. "S-so fucking good."

Your eyes crack open just long enough to see Javier knelt between your legs, his normally coiffed dark hair falling over his forehead as he tastes you. He looks so peaceful, so gentle, so beautiful that it takes your breath away.

Javier grunts, mouth kissing your cunt expertly, his nose grazing your clit. His eyes are closed, surrendering to this moment. Nothing exists outside this room. No club, no Brad, no Escobar. Just you whimpering for his mouth.

There's a knock at the door, someone demanding something in Spanish. You twitch away from Javier's mouth, your eyes blowing wide.

"Ocupado," Javier shouts out frustration from between your legs. He sees the anxiety cross your features. "Ignore it."

You want to tell him this in insane, that he should stop but his mouth is back, giving sweet sloppy kisses to your cunt and you're boneless against him, giving soft little groans.

All of a sudden Javier feels your hand gently carding through his hair and he shivers. It feels so good being touched by you. He presses his teeth lightly against the sides of your pulsing pearl and smiles when your hand grips a fistful of his hair.

"Javi!" you cry out his name in a broken moan and all the hair on his body stands on end.

Hearing his name, an affectionate nickname coming from you in a tone that can only feel described as carnal has Javier concerned about arriving in his pants. Something he's never done before and doesn't intend on doing now.

You keep feeling yourself crest, your body being tugged into the pleasurable pull only for the noise of the club to distract you.

"C'mon pretty girl," Javier purrs as he pulls his mouth off you. "I can feel how close you are."

You think you hear someone outside talking in Spanish and you tense before you cant your hips aggressively against his mouth, head tilted back against the cold mirror. You want to come so badly, too much because you can feel it slipping away the more you focus on it. When it eludes you for the third time you give a breathy whine of frustration.

Javier can feel it, can sense the agitation going through you. You feel his mouth drift, kissing the crease of your thighs as you tense up.

"Baby, baby," Javier soothes, pressing gentle kisses to your inner thigh before raising his eyes to meet yours. "Slow down. Just let it happen."

"I'm so close," you whine, cheeks and chest flushed. "But it keeps going away because of the music and-"

"Just breathe, I'm gonna make you feel so good," Javier promises you, eyes soft. "Even if I'm here on my knees all fucking night. You're gonna come for me, osita. I'll make sure of it."

You feel a pull below your navel, your mouth going slack at Javier's husky declaration. He grins up at you, thumbs gently stroking your inner thighs. He gives you a wink, head going back between your thighs.

But suddenly you need him closer, your entire body desperate for him, not just his mouth. Right now he feels so far away. You push him gently back, taking in the confusion on his face.

"Want you inside me," you whisper sliding yourself off of the counter. Your feet hit the ground as Javier comes to a stand. You can tell that he's about to complain.

"Please," you whisper, your mouth finding his, tasting yourself on his mouth. "Need your cock tonight."

He slants his full lips against yours, groaning into your mouth at your words. You feel him hard between your legs and you cup him through his jeans. He grunts, mouth moving to your neck.

"Okay pretty girl," Javier relents. "I'll give you what you need."

You fumble with his belt, your body arching against him. He smiles down at you before gently twisting you away from him, bending you over the counter. His pants are tugged down over his hips and you hear the sound of a foil wrapper, thankful Javier came prepared.

You're still so wet from his mouth on you earlier that you take him with no problem, back arching and mewling with the pleasure that immediately floods you.

"Mhmmm," Javier groans against your neck before smiling as he watches you in the mirror. "There she is. Now my girl's feeling good isn't she?"

His girl. His girl.

"Yes," you pant, head back against his broad shoulder. His hand snakes down your front, fingers curling around the pearl of your clit, playing with you as he fills your pussy.

"You like this, baby?"

"Si papi," you breathe, not thinking. You don't see Javier's smirk in the mirrors reflection, but you do feel him swell within you, his hips bouncing your ass against him.

"Pretty girl likes being fucked in public," Javier grunts, his hands pinning your palms to the counter. "Pussy all wet for me isn't it?"

"Yes," you breathe through the thrusts

"He get your pussy this wet osita? Or is it just me?"

"Don't," you murmur, not wanting to think about Brad. All you want to think about is Javier Peña and how good he feels inside you.

"See how good you look taking me," Javier rasps, his hand loosely on the back of your neck. He gently urges your head up, forcing you to look at your reflection.

You look completely ruined. Hair wild and tousled, lipstick smudged, tits spilling out of your dress and jiggling with every thrust from Javier.

"So fucking pretty," Javier tells you, grazing your jaw with his mouth.

But soon it's not you that you stare at in the mirror, it's Javier. You catch his eyes in reflection, moaning as you watch. He's fucked out, hair tousled, mouth puffy as he thrusts into you. He looks so sexy, so fucking broad and masculine thrusting into you.

"You feel so good, baby," Javier moans, eyes closed as he loses himself in fucking you, his mouth moving without conscious thought. "No one feels as good as you."

You think of Sofia. Of the secretary Rosalia waiting for him outside and you wince.

"Not even your girls from-"

"No one," Javier interrupts before groaning, his forehead dropping between your shoulder blades as he saws in and out of you. "This pussy was made for my cock."

You don't know why but this causes fresh arousal to flood you. His fingers come to your clit, dancing there, teasing you. For some reason he can’t stop thinking about the way you smile at Brad. The way you light up when that boring bastard enters a room. And yet, Javier observes with dark satisfaction, it’s him fucking you right now while stupid fucking Brad sits in the club oblivious.

"Bet Brad's cock doesn't make you feel like this."

"Stop,” you moan twisting from him. You want to keep this light and fun. You've already slept over at Javier’s place by accident. You don't need to keep playing with fire. Especially when you know this is just a game for him.

“He make you come like I do?" Peña demands against your ear, hot and breathy. "Tell me."

"Haven't fucked him," you groan without thinking. Your forehead lowers to press against the cool stone counter as his pace quickens. You don't see the way his eyes grow wide, his mouth curving.

"Why?"

"Enough," you breathe, feeling your climax building.

"Is it because you only wanna fuck me?" Javier asks, his voice shaking as his pace increases. You can hear the lewd sound of your flesh smacking together over the music. "You only want my cock pretty girl?"

"Javi," you groan, both chiding him and encouraging him to keep fucking you. Javier wants to press you for more information. Wants you to say what he's hoping your suggesting. But he can feel the tug at his lower belly and knows he has no time.

"You gonna come for me?"

Your eyes jerk to his in the mirror and he catches them. He's wild, his eyes bright and blazing, his full mouth puffy from your kisses and your cunt and you feel yourself unravel.

"Yes," you cry out, arms reaching behind you. For some reason it feels very important that Javier kiss you right now.

It feels necessary.

Your hand reaches behind to his neck, tugging his head forward and tilting your face so he can kiss you from behind. He does this without hesitation, his mouth finding yours and groaning. He doesn't stop his ministrations below and you buck into his hand, urging his cock further.

"Want you to come," you whisper against his mouth, jolting as he thrusts. "Need it, baby."

"Gotta come for me first," Javier murmurs against your parted lips, inhaling your whimpers. "Gotta come on my cock right now, pretty girl."

You do. As if just by saying those words he's unlocked something within you. He watches in the mirror as your head jerks back onto his shoulder, neck thrown back and eyes squeezed shut as your pussy milks his cock. He follows seconds later, emptying himself inside you as he grips your body to him.

After a moment you two break apart, Javier slipping his softened cock from you and disposing of the condom. You both are breathing heavily and you tuck your dress over your bare tits, feeling strangely cold.

What did you just do? Brad is sitting outside. Rosalia is probably wondering where her date is. And you two have been fucking like wild animals in the middle of a club washroom. It makes your cheeks flame to think of behaving this way.

It makes you ashamed that you caved so easily to Peña and his charms. That you let yourself be caught up in his game. You pull your purse from where it’s tumbled to the ground and begin to dig around for your lipstick tube.

“Come here,” you tell him over your shoulder. He steps over to you, eyes warm. He smiles as you pull a tissue from your purse, wiping the faint smudges of your lipstick from his full mouth. He watches your face as you do this, full of concentration.

“What are you doing?” Javier asks, his breathing slowly stabilizing. He’s smoothed his hair back with his hand, looking almost exactly the same as when he arrived, save for a flush to his cheeks that wasn’t there before. He sees you turn to the mirror, pulling the lipstick tube from your purse.

"It’s my lipstick,” you say running over your lips with the tube. "I think Brad might just suspect something if we go out there with it smudged all over each other’s mouths."

Javier immediately shuts down, receding and crossing his arms over his broad chest as he looks at the ground.

"Brad."

"Yeah," you say, turning to face the mirror. You’re fixing the smudge of your lipstick but you can see Javier there in the reflection behind you glaring at you. You twist around to look at him.

"What?"

"You're really gonna go back out there with Brad? After you've just come on my fucking cock?"

You go a deep red at the blunt vulgarity of his words. You're so confused by his response. He's ignored you all week, made you come and now... What? He's upset that you're going back to your dates? Upset that the game is done?

"If I recall Rosalia is probably waiting for you."

"Yeah, she is," Peña says and there's a challenge there in his gaze. "Guess I'll compare tonight. See who’s sweeter."

The viciousness of that vulgar statement takes your by surprise.

"That's a disgusting thing to say."

"Well I'm a disgusting man," Javier says sucking at his teeth. "The one with the brothels, right? Isn't that how you introduced me?"

You see him square his shoulders, his eyes turning cold. You hate it when he looks like that. It’s a look he reserves for Escobar and his men, not for you. He turns, heading towards the door he entered and you feel frantic, coming towards him. You don't want him to go.

"Wait, Javier-"

He turns immediately, his eyes large and vulnerable and your hands fly towards him, wanting to wrap around his neck and drag his mouth to yours. But they promptly drop mid-air when the banging on the door begins and a loud voice shouts through at you.

"Hey, who the fuck is taking so long in there!?”

You hear someone begin to rattle the doorknob aggressively and Javier steps away from you, looking tense.

"You better go back to Brad."

He unlocks the door, slipping out and saying something in Spanish before closing the door behind him. You take a moment longer, making sure that you look composed before heading back to Brad. You find him at a table near the front, looking around. When he sees you his face lights up and your stomach twists.

“Hey I’m pretty tired,” you say as you approach. “Mind if I head out?”

“Course not,” Brad says, but you can see the disappointment in his eyes. He places a hand at the small of your back, guiding you towards the front doors of the club. You blanch as a familiar pair of broad shoulders nears you.

“Hey there’s Javier,” Brad says, calling out to he and his date. Javier and Rosalia turn and see you both approach. You can’t look either of them in the eyes.

“Hey Bradley,” Javier says smoothly, his eyes flat. “Osita.”

Brad and Javier chat politely to one another as you look everywhere but Javier's direction. Rosalia looks bored next to him, her large eyes scanning the room.

“We should double next time,” Brad offers, his smile broad. “Maybe somewhere less noisy.”

“Yeah could be fun,” Javier says without inflection, making it clear how he feels about the idea. “Maybe somewhere with bigger washrooms.”

Brad makes a confused face as you glare at Javier. But he’s ignoring you, wrapping his arm around Rosalia’s waist.

"C'mon pretty girl," Javier says loud enough for you to hear as he steers her past you. "Wanna show you something at my place."

"Hope it's your bed," Rosalia giggles,hand on Javier's back jeans pocket. Javier smiles a smile you've seen before, all teeth and shark-like.

"You bet it is, baby."

Two nicknames for the price of one. It's a wonder he didn't toss osita in the just to make it a trifecta. You pretend to lose something from your purse on the ground so that you don’t all exit at the same time. You’re shocked at how fast your heart is beating.

“What did he mean by bigger washrooms?” Brad murmurs when you straighten and take his hand.

“No idea,” you say as you follow Brad into the dark of the night. He mutters something about safety and how it’s insane that there’s no streetlights in this part of town, but you’re glad for the darkness.

It hides your tears.

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