it’s honestly exhausting and really mentally destroying to face transandrophobia in the real world, see articles on how i’m just a brainwashed autistic girl, be told i’m an attention seeking fujo, get called slurs, be afraid to use the bathroom in fear of being assaulted, be called both a predator and a victim by terfs and transphobes, get told how evil i’ll become when i transition, constantly afraid of being clocked, be treated as both a lost girl and/or a dangerous man whenever it’s convenient for whatever argument is going on, etc etc etc etc etc…
and then i come online to get away from it all and am greeted with posts saying things like “cuntboys don’t face discrimination”.
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⚰️ A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on august 1st!
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Sometimes I want to let the mental illness consume me fully so I can stop fighting and not be exhausted anymore. Sometimes I want to give up and feel the release.
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My father is in the kitchen cooking dinner. Pots are banging, and the peas are overflowing. I ask him for the fifth time when dinner will be ready. 'When it is in front of you' he says.
Now the kitchen is empty and I am alone at the dinner table. Grief is the only thing in front of me. I am not ready. I wish you had of asked me if I was ready.
I am alone at this table and I am not ready. Patience was not his virtue but grief is setting the table and I am not ready to say goodbye. I wish you had waited till I was ready.
And in a whisper, I hear my father say 'but here it is, in front of you. Grief does not wait for dinner to be served before it takes a seat at the table.'
– Hannah Green, "Knocking On Heavens Door" (Via 'unspokengrief' on Tumblr)
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“School literally doesn’t care about you unless you’re good at writing stuff down or you’re good at memorizing or you can solve bloody maths equations. What about the other important things in life? Like being a decent human being?” - Michael Holden
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i've been trying to put into words why i don't feel the need to defend taylor against all the bullshit takes that came after the grammys and it's because it doesn't feel loud anymore. i used to write essays about bs like this (remember when people said she was crying because she was mad she didn't win at the 2016 grammys, when ed won?) but now it feels like a bunch of people yelling from a glass box, it doesn't feel like an overall reflection of the public opinion, it doesn't feel like it would knock her over if she were to read it. it's just background noise
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i may not be good at much but i’m great at pushing people away :)
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