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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 9 months

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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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starryeyedadmirer · 5 months

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Could you make a stuffing story about this?

✨Y’all, don’t hate me, but this has been in my inbox since July of last year. I’m so sorry I’ve been sitting on it for that long… but, I’m in the process of writing a full story for it. I promise. Also, thank you to @nvtwhalk07 for this amazing edit you’ve done! Anyway, here’s a snippet of what I’ve got:

_________________________________

Kit stood in the kitchen, doubled-over against the bar counter, his massive stomach stretched to its limits... the aftermath of yet another epic stuffing session, orchestrated by his adoring partner, Joe. His elbows resting on the cold granite, Kit struggled to keep his balance.

The couple's stuffing sessions were typically hot and intense, never failing to push Kit's body to its limits. He was accustomed to the extreme bloating, feverish sweats, and unrelenting gassiness that plagued him after each trial... but this time, Kit had eaten more than he ever had before, and his digestive system wasn't prepared to take on such a hefty load.

Large chunks of solidified food and pools of sloshing liquid made their presence known inside his swollen belly, turning and shaking inside of him as though his stomach were a compact tumble-wash... but, in spite of his intense discomfort, Kit tried to play it cool, putting on his best pokerface, in an attempt to conceal his agony.

With a strained smile, he turned on his charms, concealing his discomfort. "Wow." He sighed, taking a moment to catch his breath. "That stuffing session was amazing. Look how big and round I am right now."

Joe looked over at him, a mix of amusement and concern on his face. Kit had become much larger than he was the last time Joe had attempted to make his gut burst, having consumed an excessive amount of food. "Are you sure you're okay, Kit?" Joe asked, genuinely worried about his well-being.

"I'm sure." Kit replied, his voice strained. "You've really outdone yourself this time, sweetheart. I'm massive!"

It was true. Kit had greatly surpassed his previous threshold, having gulped down the better portion of Joe's large feast during his feeding, which left their refrigerator almost barren. He had indulged in a bounty of homemade dishes, savoring every mouthful... but now, faced with his oversized belly, in the wake of his gluttonous feat, Kit longed for some relief.

Still maintaining his facade of nonchalance, Kit continued, his voice a seductive whisper. "Once I find the strength to move again, I expect this belly to be showered with love... the way you always do it. And... I think my belly button deserves some attention too, this time. I've earned that much, don't you think?"

His navel had been overlooked for far too long, having gone completely untouched for months. Joe used to adore his belly button — the way it looked; it's funny smell; the bitter taste of his flesh; the way that the tight hole would hold onto his fingertips — but, for some unknown reason, he'd simply stopped looking after it. Kit missed the days when he'd wake up to the feeling of Joe's tongue burrowing it's way down into the deep pit, and eating it out... all of the thorough shower cleanings, and sensual fingerings. Having fervently devoured his grande meal, he felt as though he'd proven himself worthy of receiving that kind of affection once again.

Joe, still gazing at Kit, with a mixture of pride and desire, rose from his stool. Like a cat, he tiptoed around the stretch of the bar — his wool-socked feet hardly making a sound against the tiled floor — and approached Kit from behind. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around Kit's body and placed his hands on his lover's engorged stomach, feeling the gravity of it's weight, and it's radiating warmth beneath his touch.

Slowly, he began to circle Kit's navel with his fingertips, applying a slight pressure to the area around the hole. Kit felt like he might burst — still doubled over, his breath labored — and yet, the feeling of Joe's hands against his skin sent a shiver of delight down his spine. His eyes fluttered closed as he relished in the euphoric sensation... the heaviness of his belly all but disappearing in his partner's firm grasp. Joe's fingers worked into his flesh, as though he were a large lump of clay — his hands gliding smoothly over the expanse of Kit's bloat, molding it. With each gentle stroke, he felt his discomfort fade away, replaced by a growing sense of pleasure.

Keeping a tender hold on Kit's midsection, Joe lifted him up from his slump against the countertop and turned him around, so that he could rest his back against the cool surface, and draw some of his tension away of his aching spine. Desire gleamed in Joe's eyes as he slowly knelt down and gave Kit's belly a shower of loving kisses, his hands massaging either side of his lover's bulging abdomen. Kit watched with excitement, his discomfort a thing of the past. Joe's tongue delved deep into the crevices of Kit's belly button, exploring every nook and cranny that the had been etched into the walls of the dark hole during his infancy. It was absolutely filthy, having gone unwashed for months — each wrinkle bearing a new bitterness.

The sensory overload only amplified Kit's pleasure, causing him to squeeze out a small, pungent fart, in a moment of heat. "Oof! Sorry." He muttered, acknowledging his accidental emission as he fought to catch his breath.

Instead of reacting with disgust, Joe encouraged him, his lust unwavering. "No... don't apologize." He murmured, his voice filled with adoration. "You're so tight. Make yourself comfortable."

Joe's worship continued, his tongue swirling in large circles, exerting a immense force against the edges of Kit's belly button. Kit writhed in ecstasy, moaning like ghost, with the occasional accompaniment of yet another unapologetic fart. Time seemed to stand still as he surrendered to the moment, completely lost in the revelry. Joe's tongue reached every filthy nook and cranny, with a sloppy motion, leaving no pore untouched.

"Aahhh." Kit sighed, reveling in the rapture of that familiar tingling. "That's nice. I... missed this."

Feeling as though Kit was sufficiently primed for further pleasures, Joe removed his tongue from the depths of his navel and invited Kit to join him on their bedroom. "Why don't we take this... elsewhere?" He proposed. Urging him to follow, Joe inserted his finger into the slimy, warm crater, giving him a taste of the joys that lay ahead, and bent his knuckle — pulling Kit up from the counter like a fish on a hook.

"Mmm. Okay." Waddling behind Joe like an obese penguin, Kit eagerly followed him.

It was clear to him that Joe had further plans to cater to Kit's desires, setting the stage for an intimate and fulfilling evening. Both men, enthusiastically embarking on the intimate adventure that awaited them on the other side of the open door, made their way into their private quarters.

#starry eyes #thanks for the submission!#kit connor #kit connor belly/tummy #kit connor navel #joe locke #smut fic

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dodger-chan · 6 months

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Did I procrastinate by writing steddie fic again? Maybe. In my defense, I think this is very funny. Also on AO3.

Warning for non graphic but frequent discussion of sex.

Like a good number of things, it was Wheeler’s fault.

Under normal circumstances, Eddie would have no problem sitting back in his throne and staying above the fray while his little sheep had their silly arguments. Talking is a free action, etc. etc. And they’d wrapped for the night, were only delaying clean-up. But Wheeler, pressed by his friends to join in the defense of their favorite paladin, had gone with a very explicable but awkward choice of phrasing.

“I mean, Steve doesn’t suck.”

Eddie bit down on his tongue. He wasn’t going to say anything. He was not.

Unfortunately, something about the tepidness, the lackluster nature of Wheeler’s tone only encouraged Gareth.

“Au contraire,” he said, standing and making a gesture that Eddie chose to interpret as homage rather than mockery. “Harrington most assuredly does suck.”

Eddie bit down harder. He couldn’t say anything.

Gareth then began to list a number of harms done to the members of Hellfire that were, for the most part, merely tangentially related to the actions or existence of one Steven Harrington.

Perhaps it had always been a little unfair, to blame the social strictures of highschool on one individual who had no part in designing them and had done little more than anyone else in the way of enforcement. But what was the point of a figurehead if not to take the blame?

Of course no part of Gareth’s speech addressed the one way in which Steve truly did suck dick: literally. Steve had taken to oral sodomy like a duck to water. Eddie would love to claim credit by citing his excellent tutelage - largely by example - but he suspected his boyfriend was a natural.

Eddie tasted blood in his mouth. He couldn't keep biting his tongue. But he also couldn't set the record straight, so to speak. Even if he could tell all of Hellfire that he and Steve were dating, it would be beyond inappropriate to discuss Steve's cocksucking acumen with the freshmen.

“It's an interesting linguistic phenomenon, wouldn't you say?” Eddie interrupted Gareth’s spiel. “You are debating the merits and acceptability of one Steve Harrington, but using as shorthand a term that refers to oral sex. A phrasing that suggests people who give head are lesser than those who do not.

“Without making too many assumptions, I feel safe in saying that most of us would like to enjoy a bit of oral sodomy in the future. Now, I may not be the smartest guy in town, but it seems to me that preemptively insulting the people who might suck your dick is a good way to ensure they never will.”

He gave them a moment to digest his speech.

“So I should have said Steve doesn’t blow?” Mike asked, tentatively.

“Blow comes from blow jobs, so that’s the same thing,” Dustin corrected. A little less confidently, he went on. “Bites, maybe? Biting’s not a sex thing, is it?”

Eddie sighed. Surely there were insults that didn’t reflect some aspect of his sex life. Though biting was, at minimum, not related to oral. And it would probably be easier not to brag about the number of little bruises he’d left on Steve’s neck. And shoulders. And chest. All over Steve’s body, really.

Who was he kidding? He needed to shut this whole conversation down yesterday.

(this now has a sequel)

#steddie #stranger things #short ficlet #my fic

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phantomphangphucker · 2 months

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Phic Phight - A Vega-Bond Space Case

@a-closet-emo @Anguished-Lurker @library-of-cronos @ghostboidanny @lexosaurus @uniasus @redactedgoose

Danny has a thing for space, always had, except now his ‘thing’ for space was more like actually physically BEING space. Danny’s also always had a thing for NASA, these two things were of course related since NASA’s entire thing was space, except now NASA also has a thing for Danny

Danny didn’t exactly have a ton of ways to go about being within his ‘domain’ as it were or satisfying that pesky little obsession of his. Yes he could go star gazing or literally fly up into space, which was great and all, but no matter how much you love and feel fulfilled by something it’s still good and needed to spice things up a bit. ClockWork subtly messed with the time stream in harmless, to time and the future, ways. Nocturne gave people nightmares even though that did disrupt their ability to sleep. Undergrowth went and ‘adopted a kid’ aka Sam to ‘raise someone worthy’ even though there was no need.

In short, everyone occasionally did something different and new.

So, Danny figured he should too. After all, he was still somewhat human and humans get bored and burnt out a lot easier and quicker. And Danny getting bored and burnt out meant an Obsessive crisis or two, which he’d rather avoid thank you very much. So he figured he‘d try something completely new, a way of being all ✨Space✨ by simply talking about it instead of staring at it or being physically surrounded by it. And by talking he means online, because he is not going to attempt to become a science teacher just to talk about space at bored teenagers or something. Sure him starting a vlog to excitedly blab about space was probably pretty silly, and sure he could also use the term vtuber since he used a 3d model to attempt to hide his identity, and sure he didn’t exactly expect many people to care; but it was nice. The 3d model was a fun little project for him and Tuck, and Sam had enjoyed picking out the things quirky clothing, and watching it move to his facial features and voice was really cool. It was almost like getting to listen to someone else blabber about space, which was super nice even if they weren’t actually even a real person or saying anything he hasn’t said before. It’s not like anyone could actually tell him something he didn’t already know anyways.

What Danny hadn’t expected was for his stupid little white-haired (because of course), shark-toothed, sparkly-skinned, virtual model vlog channel to actually do well. Like yes, some of his stuff was shorter clips, more ‘digestible’ as Jazz would say, but most of it was hours of knowledge vomit with breaths usually only taken for comedic effect. Then again, he was obsessed with space before he half died and it literally became his Obsession or before he became the literal god of space; so there was bound to be regular humans who actually did want to watch a five hour video about the composition of Jupiter’s rings and how it having slightly different compositions would change it. He’s still baffled that that video has over one million views, he’s also very thankful he went the 3d model route. He’s also thankful he still finds the channel name he picked funny: Vega-bond, after the North Star and based off of the word vagabond, since space was endless so his home as a being was effectively everywhere and nowhere and he could wander it’s and his own vastness forever. It had also caused some ‘James bond in space’ jokes though, even if he’s never actually see all those movies it was still funny.

Leaning back in his chair and editing a couple more seconds of a clip, taking a bite out of his sandwich and scowling. Ew. He really should learn to stop letting Jazz make food for him. Not only was she just as bad at cooking as he was, possibly worse actually, but she kept putting ectoplasm in his food! Intentionally or not, he doesn’t care. The sandwich goes back on the plate, he’ll get crackers later, right now he’s got a bit on asteroid turn over rates to fix. He’s also pretty sure this is the video where he goes on a bit of a tangent about the flavour of space rocks and what a star would most likely taste like to someone if they were able to eat one. Which fine, not the smartest thing to be talking about in a public form like this but hey, that hasn’t bit him in the ass yet. That Absentiona planet a few galaxies over was way too cool not to talk about okay! At least it seemed like a lot of people either thought he was theorising or that he actually worked with a space program and had been given permission to use the internet to educate people, since most people were not spending their time reading all of NASA’s public reports like he was.

…

Danny was also reading their not public reports of course, a great use of Tuck’s hacking skills if he says so himself. He left most of the internal memos alone since those were near always personell stuff and seldom related to space. (Which was something he was going to regret deeply later or maybe not). He did try to make a point to not talk about missions that hadn’t yet been made public or recent human discoveries that NASA hasn’t yet had a chance to publish their papers and internal memos on, Danny wasn’t trying to accidentally get people accused of plagiarism or rip away months to years of research away from the people who figured it out by stealing their thunder. But he’d get excited and he couldn’t bring himself to cut out stuff after the fact.

So sue him if he’s maybe stolen someone’s thunder once or twice, and maybe talked about things that humans would have never discovered, or things that humans don’t have the physical capability to comprehend. Hopefully no one tries to actually sue him though, if NASA does that he’s positive he’ll ugly cry for, like, a week.

Hearing Jazz footsteps up the stairs he tilts his head back, “Jazz! Neither of us can cook! Including with freaking ectoplasm! Stop trying!”.

She pokes her head into his room with a huff, eyes the sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, “I refuse. I will figure out a way to make it work, you need it”.

“What I need is for my food to be edible and not have definitely old and corrupted ecto in it”.

She winces, “damn. You know I can’t tell that”.

“Then stop trying!”.

“No!”.

Danny picks up the sandwich and makes throwing motions with it, he doesn’t actually throw it because he’ll probably give her a damn ecto-burn with the thing. It’s a miracle it hasn’t started moving on its own yet. she comes in anyways and grabs the plate, putting a hand on her hip and holding it out for him to put the sandwich back down on, “I’ll throw this one in the incinerator, Danny, but I’m not stopping”.

He releases the sandwich, “you suck”.

She rolls her eyes at him and eyes the computer, smiling a little, “I’m not even going to ask, since I can’t grasp your space babble any more than you can grasp my psycho babble”.

Danny snorts, shaking his head as she leaves, his sister cares but damn was it ever inconvenient and hazardous to his health. He was a freaking Ancient after all, he could get by without freaking ectoplasm, he wasn’t some weak level six ghost; stupid cravings or no. Heck, he wasn’t even a child ghost anymore so it was even less necessary! Sighing, “she’s still not going to give it a rest, is she?”.

And then his email pings. Oh cool, it’s probably another comment since it looks like it’s from his channel linked email.

It is an email.

It’s an email from NASA.

Holy shit.

By all the Ancients including himself and every single one of their domains. What the zone?!?

He’s pretty sure he actually squeaked and started floating, some little stars might have even appeared in the air.

What should he do?!? Should he open it?!? Should he ask Tuck to hack it so that the message won’t read as read?!? Should he attempt to knock himself out so he doesn’t have to deal with this?!? Should he take that sandwich back purely so he can give himself a horrific upset stomach with it?!?

It’s fucking NASA!

He can’t just… not. Like, even if that was a good idea he absolutely has to know what NASA wants!

He’s not freaking out, you’re freaking out. He should call someone right?!?

Yes.

Yeah.

He should.

Purely so he doesn’t violently click open the email in Obsession fuelled glee and horror. Tuck doesn’t even get a chance to ask what’s up, “NASA fucking emailed me, man. What do I do?!? Like it’s totally NASA, right email and everything and it’s totally to my vlog email so oh my zone that means that NASA, FREAKING NASA, has been watching my shit! Is this good is this bad should I be complimented? Do they want to talk space or tell me to shut up about space! What am I going to do if they want me to shut up about space I can’t shut up about space and why would I shut up about space! Wait what if they have a space problem and I can like totally help with that shit and they think I’m some odd expert and not some random dude in small town USA! What if they think I’m one of their men and are going to try and give me shit for spilling space secrets because oh shit I’m pretty sure no one actually released that new shit about plutos gravitational pull which is super neat and all but what if they’re mad-”

“Danny man, shut up before you start speaking in tongues or something”

Danny doesn’t even hear him honestly, “-because I could totally understand them being mad but it’s not like I’m actually stepping on their turf since their turf is actually my turf and I’m technically only letting them in it because I can and because people knowing and learning about space is like super cool and I totally would still love to be an astronaut even if that is totally not possible for so many damn reasons! But wait what if that’s what they want that would be so cool! Even if I know that’s not how they hire people and even if I totally disagree with their choice of head engineer because he seems kind of like an ass but hey I’m kinda an ass and I’d be great at the job and oh fuck what if I ignore this for too long and they send another email what do I do then-”

“DANNY!”.

Danny jerks a little bit and falls from the ceiling nearly face planting into his floor, “oh I ah, whoops. Sorry Tuck, it’s just space and NASA and what if they emailed me about space and of course they emailed me about space they’re freaking NASA and my channel is about space we can totally talk space-”.

“I’m going to have Sam show up and throw her shoe at you if you don’t chill, man. I can’t give you advice or offer to try and help, if you won’t let me speak”.

Danny curling into himself and breathing a little, putting a hand over his shirt to feel the way his core is pulsing like crazy, “right, shit, just, give me one second to just vibrate my shit out”.

“Of course, I’m going to hack your email to at least give you a heads up if you should be actually worried”.

Danny wheezing, stars just sort of popping into existence around him, “yeah, yeah, that’s good”; he fiddles with one of the little stars like is a fidget toy. He always loved the way they felt, and tasted, and they just looked stupidly wonderful. Even if he had to be careful about it since him ‘getting starry’ could be hard on people’s eyes. Forming a little planetary ring and swirling it around with his fingers, “how do I even respond to NASA without coming off as crazy?”.

“Do not word vomit? Don’t tell them you’re a space god? Don’t get mad at them for getting something wrong?”.

Danny blinks, twirling the planetary ring around his finger, “so everything I’m inclined to do? Gotcha”.

“Dude”.

“Well what if they ask for my credentials? What else do I have besides acing flight simulators and being a literal god?!?”.

“You do have a point there, but you’re actually good. They aren’t trying to sue or silence you, they aren’t attacking your credibility, they aren’t accusing you of running an illegal space operation, they aren’t questioning if you’re an alien, and they aren’t commenting on you basically having a backdoor into their systems”, he chuckles, “you absolutely should open it, man. Stay on the line because I want to hear you cry”.

Oh? Oh no why would Danny cry??? But Tuck giving him a verbal thumbs up means he can’t not open it right?

He’s stares at the computer and it’s unread email for a while. He’s nearly vibrating out of his skin, he’s pretty sure one of his arms has unfurled as he likes to call it. Spread out into goo strings and pulsating constellations of eyes and teeth, gaps in between filled with galaxy’s and miniature planets that could barely be called an arm with fingers with hundreds of joints that could be long as trees if he let them; as it was they were wrapping around his desk he thinks.

He opens the damn email.

It’s…

It’s a freaking job offer and Danny basically explodes into galaxy’s and constellations and eyes and teeth and bits of different animals, and what comes out of his mouth is utter ghost speak gibberish and random space noises even to his ears. He has to fold his legs and feet under him because they’re just too long when he’s like this, all of him is but his legs are the most needlessly long, but he doesn’t drop the phone at least.

Then Jazz bangs open the door, “Danny what the hell! Oh why!”, and promptly passes out. He manages to catch her with his tail before she hits the ground at least, he forgets that he can be incomprehensible like this if whoever isn’t prepared. He’ll just leave her lying on the fluffy cloud space dust that made up the ‘fluff fur’ at the end of his tail till she wakes up.

Him whining immediately, “T̶͈͎͚͗͗ù̴̢̜͝c̴͖̯͐̔͜k̸̲͇̹̅͑͠ ̶̛̲̀̎I̵͕̔̆ ̴̞̘̌̌̃k̸̦͚̲̎n̸̳͛o̴̟̎c̷̩̕k̶̗͍̽͛̈́ͅe̶̢̛͍̐d̷͎̞͒ ̶̞̞̆̓̕J̵̦̭̤̽ȁ̶̰̖̈́͘z̸̧͇̼͝ẓ̴̹̳̇̑̇ ̵̟͌̈̀o̵̡̝̅ṵ̷̚t̴̺̣͒̓̈́͜!”, and attempting to keep his voice not filled with the sound of dying stars.

Tuck laughs at least, “at this point she should know what she might be in for! You all space lovercraftian jerboa looking?”.

“D̶͙̪̃͠ủ̸̦̕d̵̜̑̔̒ę̴̛̥̻̒ ̶̜̊ͅǸ̵̞̐A̴̤͛͒̃S̸̢̓͗A̸͚̩̿,̴͉̊̔ ̸͂̋̅͜N̶̡̥͇̏A̵͍̐̌͘Ṡ̸͕͛̽Ã̷̯̫!̸̯̩͎̓̇̕,̷̳̈́ ̶̭̥̗̏i̷̥̘̻̐s̵͉͉̹̈͂͐ ̴͖̃͛t̶̘̚r̷͚̀̈́y̸͈͚̕ǐ̵̡ǹ̴͓g̵̣͇̱̚ ̶͖̕ṱ̶̝̫̈̂ö̶̻̲́̌͜ ̵̠̠̑ḩ̴̣̅̆͊i̷͎̠̤͌r̷͈̻͐̀͠e̶̡̮̽̀̈ ̶̡͕͒m̶̧̧̬͒é̷̺͙̈!̸̜̀ ̷̳͒͆Ỏ̸̳͖̰f̴̟̩̈́ ̵̼̔c̵̨͚̅̄͊ǒ̸̺̥̊ͅủ̴͇̬͎ŕ̵̳ṡ̸̟̼̪͋̿ȩ̸̢́͆̈́ ̵̢͔͗͒İ̵̪̦͒ ̷̟͎͉̈́̎â̶̺̭̥m̴̮̄!̵̘̰͛͜ ̴̠̀͠D̶̙͆o̶̠̬͂ͅ ̴̟͕̻̃̅͂t̷͖̦̳̃̂̈́h̷̜̣͊̏ē̴̡y̶̦̙̜͐͗̇ ̴͍̞̉́ͅk̴̗͗n̶̹̒ǒ̵̼̲̬̄̈́w̴̥̄̆ ̶̣̞̂̈w̶̢̧̝͗̕h̶͕͇̓̉͘e̶̳͎̎̅ͅr̵͕̊͆ĕ̷͚̮̾͝ ̶̡̭͊͒Í̴͇͝͝ ̶̦̤̔͂̚l̶͚̦͕̔͝i̴̺̍̄̑v̸̫̎̚͝ė̶̼͔̓͛ ̷̫̥̆o̶̩̍͘͠r̸̮̹͛ ̴̩͔̣͗̍̈́m̵̨̯̲̍y̷̮̤̖̌̾̾ ̵̯̜̈́a̵̪͇̐͝g̸̭͖̋ẽ̶͇ ̶͖͆w̶̔͜h̶͕̖̘͆̒̎y̶͕͇̾ ̸̬̠̈́d̴̰̈́o̷͇̽͒͘ë̴͈̭́s̶̺̭̈́ͅ ̸̜̇͆̌ḯ̷ͅt̷̪̗̩̔̿̇ ̴͖͈̼̄̊͋l̸̛̲͈͐̆ͅǒ̷̡̗ͅö̸̥́̍͆ḱ̷̭̟̪̈́̑ ̵̬̻̈́͘ͅl̴͕̙̞̐i̵̲̥̔̇̕k̶̛̫̎ê̶̼͙ ̴̫͌̑̆t̷̤̀̾ͅh̶̠̻̳͂̏e̸̛̺̣̬͂̾y̶̫̾̊ ̸͖̗̖̓͒̇d̸̮͈͆̿̏o̶̧͇̽͒͝n̶̖̈́’̷̡͔̮́̏t̴̛̙͑͝ ̶̡̰͋ȇ̷͓̘v̷̙̈́͠ͅe̸̡̙͍͠ṅ̴̰̚ ̴̠̦̾̈͛c̴̤̘͖͗̉̽a̵͔͑̚r̵̢͔̫̽́̒e̶̼̕ ̸̥̘͒̈́͐ͅá̶͎͝b̴̧͚̞̂ő̴̟̕͠ü̴̱̐͌t̶͔̻̙͒ ̵̹̳͉͂̉̉á̶̠̯̚͜ṅ̶̦̜̈́ẏ̶̛̪͙͘ ̴̢̥͖̈́c̷͙̓̈́́r̷̜̳͖͑ḕ̴͉̣̂͜d̸̲̬̒̊͝ę̸͕̋̾̏n̷̺̤̂t̴̤̐̽͋i̸͍͕̻͌̒ả̴̘̝͑ͅl̸̺͎̅̾̈š̶̻͚́̒”

“Danny chill, I can’t actually understand you and you’re going to wreck my phones speaker, I’m taking that mess as a yes and do you really think they’ll hire you if you can’t keep yourself together? I’m pretty sure they can’t let a horror monster onto a spaceship”.

Damn Tuck always knew how to cool him down quickly, he doesn’t compact himself back to ‘normal’ though just squishes down enough that he’s not knocking anything over or making the ceiling creak. Moving that tail that Jazz is still on so it and her are laying on his bed, “r̵i̷g̸h̶t̴,̷ ̴r̵i̸g̶h̴t̶,̷ ̸y̶e̷a̵h̶ ̶t̴h̷a̷t̵,̶ ̴t̷h̸a̴t̸ ̵w̴o̸u̷l̷d̶n̵’̸t̴ ̷g̵o̴ ̵o̴v̵e̶r̸ ̸w̴e̴l̷l̴”̵”.

“No kidding. Now did you put a hole through anything with your horns?”:

Danny glances around, it didn’t look like it at least. Plus Tuck didn’t call them goddamn bunny ears for a change, regardless of how similar they looked. “N̶o̶,̸ ̸d̴o̵n̷’̸t̵ ̷t̴h̷i̵n̴k̸ ̸s̶o̶”.

“You’re getting better! Congrats! Now are you going to try and take this job? Can you even type with your fingers right now?”.

Danny looking back to the computer and the email on screen, he has to really curl and bend his joints up and one of his shoulders is going past the entire computer but he can manage, “t̵h̴e̸r̸e̷'̵s̵ ̷n̵o̵ ̴w̵a̵y̴ ̸I̷ ̷c̴a̵n̴’̶t̷ ̵a̷t̷ ̷l̸e̸a̶s̵ ̵t̵r̷y̸,̴ ̷T̷u̷c̴k̴,̷ ̵a̵n̸d̴ ̴b̴a̴r̵e̷l̷y̶ ̶b̴u̵t̸ ̴y̷e̸s̷”.

“Alright then shoot your shot, man. Just try not to give away that you’re an eldritch horror”.

Danny can t help but grin, his teeth and lips swirling and curling on the sides of his face like galaxies, “t̷h̶a̸n̷k̴ ̷T̵u̸c̵k̸,̴ ̸s̸o̴r̶r̴y̵ ̴i̷f̶ ̷I̴ ̵f̴u̷c̶k̶e̴d̵ ̸u̶p̴ ̴y̸o̴u̸r̷ ̵p̸h̵o̵n̸e̵ ̴a̸g̵a̵i̷n̷”.

“Think nothing of it, Danny, not only do I expect it but I legit do not mind at all. I’ll take my best friend getting a hella awesome job offer that makes him go eldritch nightmare fuel on my ear drums over impromptu rescue mission any day”, Tuck laughing as he hangs up.

Man is Danny ever glad he called his goddamn best friend. The message he sends back to FREAKING NASA is excited but not overly crazy. He doesn’t go on a tangent, he only hits the wrong keys a few times and has to fix it, he doesn’t accidentally break anything, and he doesn’t mention anything that he knows NASA doesn’t know about. Yes he wants the job, yes that would be very awesome, yes he promises he has the capability, yes yes yes. Oh he’s vibrating again and a couple of his stars that comprise up part of his knee explode and reform.

Jazz groaning makes him still, moving a hand to have two finger tips over her eyes, “s̶o̷r̸r̴y̷,̴ ̴t̸o̵o̷ ̴e̶x̴c̷i̷t̸e̴d̷ ̴t̵o̸ ̵c̸o̶m̴p̴a̴c̷t̶ ̸m̸y̴s̸e̷l̵f̶ ̸r̶i̷g̴h̶t̸ ̶n̷o̶w̵.̷ ̶N̷A̸S̵A̵ ̶y̷e̵s̵ ̸N̴A̴S̶A̸ ̶o̶f̵f̵e̶r̶e̵d̷ ̷m̶e̴ ̵a̶ ̴j̵o̷b̸ a̴n̵d̸ I̵ ̷a̴m̵ ̵l̴o̵s̵i̵n̴g̷ ̵m̴y̵ ̷m̸i̶n̵d̷ ̶a̶n̷d̷ ̷c̴o̷r̸e̵ a̵ l̵i̷t̵t̶l̸e̶ ̵b̶i̸t̴ ̶h̷e̵r̴e̷”.

She beams, sitting up slowly and not moving Danny’s fingers off of her eyes, “that’s awesome Danny!”, she points in the direction his voice came from, “you better have said yes”.

“I̸t̸’̸s̶ ̷N̸A̵S̷A̴ ̵o̶f̶ ̸c̶o̵u̵r̷s̸e̵ ̴I̸ ̷d̸i̶d̶!̸”, pouting to himself, “I̴’̷m̶ ̸j̵u̴s̸t̵ ̷t̴r̸y̷i̴n̷g̷ t̵o̴ ̷f̶i̷g̸u̶r̸e̷ ̸o̷u̷t̷ ̴h̷o̶w̶ ̸t̷o̸ ̴e̷v̸e̸n̵ g̸o̸ t̴h̸e̴r̷e̸ ̵w̵i̷t̶h̷o̵u̷t̴ ̷b̶e̶i̶n̶g̵ ̵a̵l̴l̷ ̷n̶i̷g̵h̶t̴m̴a̸r̶e̷ f̴u̵e̴l̵”.

She hums and taps her chin, “yeah your potential employer or coworkers wouldn’t appreciate having to wear blind folds or ear protection in case you get too excited or hyper-fixate into your Obsession too much”, humming some more, “obviously depowering yourself would be stupid, so don’t even think about it. They found you through your vlog I'm to guess, which I know you’re a little too liberal on with information, so they probably know something about you is off, so you can get away with being a little strange; your more human level of strange at least”. He’s fully fucking aware of that, hence why this was kind of a problem, even in his human form he wasn’t going to be able to contain himself super well. Just getting the job offer made him unfurl entirely, actually getting the job? He’s going to accidentally rip the building apart or something. She nods to herself, “well you will not get the job like this, meaning you will not be able to do space stuff with NASA if you can’t keep a lid on this”.

He knows tha- oh OH! Okay yeah. Okay. Right sometimes he needed others to tell him that shit for his core to get the damn message. Jazz nearly stumbling forward off his bed when he folds in on himself, leaving his white-haired ‘normal’ ghost self floating vaguely in the middle of the room and blinking at her, “point received apparently”, and shakes his head. He wasn’t exactly a super huge fan of his eldritch form, it was freaky and so disconnected from how a human body worked and moved.

She cracks an eye open cautiously before opening them fully at Danny being normal, “okay good”, standing up and moving on slightly shaky legs to his closet, “now what do you have to wear that is professional and doesn’t make you seem obessesed with space”.

He floats after her, “it’s a space job shouldn’t I dress space-themed?”, his laptop email pinning results in him nearly teleporting to it.

“No. They can already tell you’re crazy about space from the vlog, you don’t want to seem like that’s all you care about and love by also dressing in space themed clothing”.

Danny vibrates, it’s from NASA, NASA!, oh he almost wants to spread out again just to have more of him to vibrate! They set a date! A time! Three days.

It’s in three days!

They were moving so fast! Oh they definitely knew something weird was up with him! Was that good? Bad? Probably good-ish. Otherwise they’d care about his schooling and expirence and wouldn’t possibly ignore his inhumanness. He knows he’s got stars zipping through his hair and too many eyes when he looks at Jazz, “three days. They want to talk to me in three days! Me!”, and screams a little.

She hurls a button up patterned like a arcade floor at his face, “if you scream at them they won’t hire you, and what you’re saying is they’re not giving you any time to actually calm down. They are absolutely trying to figure out how you know what you know by blindsiding you like this”.

Danny gestures ridiculously, “and I don’t even care because it’s NASA, NASA can mess with me all they want!”. He pops that stupid tail of his out and bits the fluffy space dust, spinning head over heels in the air excitedly. This was awesome! So cool! Even if they didn’t hire him or thought he was utterly insane he would still get to met them! This was the best day ever!

She laughs at his antics, “you are so lucky mom and dad aren’t here right now. Even if they would be very proud”, she grabs him, stilling his spinning but almost dragging her along with, “as I am, but you definitely got to keep yourself contained. Even if they do want to hire ‘nightmare fuel’ they won’t if they think meeting you was a hallucination”.

He pouts a little, dropping his tail from his mouth, “I know that”, pouting a little more, “it’s times like this I’d rather look more like Clocky than Nocturne”.

“I know, but it suits you, and at least if you do wind up going to space legally any stars might get brushed off as just being part of space”.

“Aka part of me”.

She rolls her eyes at him before going wide-eyed and jumped up, “oh! Now I need to figure out how to make space food for you!”.

“What?!? No! Bad! What if you poison one of the astronauts!”.

“Then you can nurse them back to health”.

“Do not mess with my protectiveness like that!”.

She only laughs at him, but at least he gets himself human again, tail sticking around so he can fiddle with the ‘fluff’ while attempting to keep editing and not vibrate himself out of his mortal flesh again. He fails at that repeatedly.

----

Pretty much the only thing that’s keeping him compact and human while he’s getting ready for the goddam interview with NASA is the fact he absolutely will not get the job without being at least human passing. Sam actually showed up and stole all his space themed clothing -even the underwear!- to make sure he couldn’t wear it. He does go with the dress shirt Jazz threw at him that day, wound up picking pants that he’s pretty sure are actually Sam’s that she just left here, and a stupid pair of dress shoes Vlad gave him once. Heck he even threw on a yellow bandanna around his neck to make double sure his scars were hidden! Who knows if his medical history was going to get questioned because he’d fail that shit instantaneously.

… Unfortunately none of that matter at all.

Why?

Because the second he got to the freaking NASA field centre he loses his human form from pure excitement… and the secretary walks out before he can change back! At least he didn’t unfurl or explode! She… isn’t even surprised and that’s enough to keep him from vibrating himself into the floor. She just leads him, currently a ghost -she knows this isn’t what any human being looks like right? She can see that he’s glowing right? Right!?!-, into the little interview room.

He.

Is in.

A NASA interview room. He wants to smell the walls and eat them. Shit his teeth are too big. He slaps his cheeks mere seconds before his apparent interviewer comes in.

At least as a ghost his cheeks won’t be tinted red. Fuck him entirely.

The man actually chuckles, setting papers down on the desk and holding his hand out for a hand shake. How the Zone is this going okay? He shakes the man’s hand, his name tag says ‘A. Bowman’. Holy shit he’s one of the actual higher up’s!

… Oh they one hundred percent knew something was funky with ‘Vega-bond’ if they sent a higher up to talk to him.

Bowman eyes his own hand as they both sit down, Danny aggressively forcing himself not to float, “ghost skin tingles, interesting”, looking at Danny properly, “well I suppose this answers one of many questions, or rather most of many”.

Danny being a ghost was a… good thing? Well alright then. Tilting his head, “it does?”. He didn’t even mean to show up looking like this!

Bowman knits his fingers together and leans forwards at him, actually grinning, “it does. Your channel, you’ve talked about subjects, in depth, that even we have no knowledge of. It was much too in-depth to not be reality, and while encouraging plenty of debates is a good outcome actually meeting the person behind it is far more valuable”.

Sweet Ancients the job offer was serious. It is so hard to bounce around or something, fuck his eyes are probably glowing a bit too much to be pleasant to look at, “I technically am not actually supposed to be talking about that stuff but I get carried away easily”, and rubs his neck awkwardly.

Bowman hums at him and Danny doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. “Well I can certainly say I’m glad space excites you”, he shuffles the papers a bit, “I take it your interest in space, regardless of your state of living, is why you agreed to this interview?”.

Danny nodding immediately, “yeah! I’ve actually wanted to be an astronaut since I could walk, you know, before the obvious happened”. Oh Zone is he going to have to explain dying to NASA? “I’m pretty sure no doctor in their right mind would clear me to go to space, legally at least”.

Bowman nods acceptingly, “and based on your wealth of knowledge it’s clear you would have been willing to work towards that childhood dream, yes?”.

Danny begins gesturing a little excitedly, “I used to build model rockets and memorised every space flight simulator I could get my hands on. I spent years saving up for the best telescope money could buy and never missed any celestial event. My family even paid for a zero gravity flight once as my birthday and truce- I mean christmas present”, laughing awkwardly to try and stop himself from rambling, “I probably had a concerning amount of drive for it”.

“That’s the only kind worth having”, the man nods strongly, “anything less and this isn’t a good fit. Would you say you still have that drive?”.

“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be me”, Danny says that in the firm voice he usually used when fighting someone genuinely dangerous or lecturing the Observants about trying to inhibit him.

Bowman grins at that, “good. Then-”, eyeing the papers, “-obviously your, younger appearance means you don’t have any work experience to speak of. So what experience do you have?”.

“Does being a town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience? I feel like it should”. Like really, the sheer amount of ‘experiences’ he’s had could fill novels and pad out entire tv shows. “I’ve fist fought a god? Multiple gods actually?”.

“Typically, we strictly prefer if our employees don’t get into fist fights”.

Ah yeah, that tracked and was fair. “Think of a weird situation and I’ve probably done it, I had to land one of your spacecrafts once actually since it became sentient and tried to eat me; everyone got mind wiped because it was a little too weird for most people to handle remembering. I’ve got lots of lab experience and my hazmat isn’t just for show, especially with handling hazardous materials; granted I am made of hazardous materials. I’ve time travelled, had to wrangle sentient turkey, been inside books, been shrunk”.

Bowman shaking his head and pulling a tablet out of the drawer, holding up a finger while he types on it.

Danny really hopes he’s not in trouble, he could probably go on forever about the things he’s done. Oh and now his tails out, damn it, at least it’s just wrapped around his one ankle and he’s squishing its space dust fluff with his foot for something to do other than mentally freak out.

Bowman puts the tablet down, oh hey he was looking Phantom up! for stories about the stuff he’s done? Him eyeing Danny, “you’ve ridden a dragon and yet want to be an astronaut?”.

Danny beams, “yes!”, rubbing his neck, “dragons aren’t that special to me, since my younger sister is one. I’m literally from a dimension that doesn’t have gravity and I’ve been to space a lot”.

He blinks, “you’ve already been to space?”.

Oh are they going to be bothered he violated space sanctions? Laughing awkwardly, “I’m always in a state of zero gravity and don’t need to breathe, so yeah as soon as I knew I could I did. I’ve been outside of the Milky Way multiple times”. How the actual Zone would this interview have even gone if he had managed to stay human the whole time???

Bowman looks baffled, “you’ve actually been outside of the Milky Way? No human could ever hope to do that”, he looks more confused, “if you can do such a thing then why would you want to work with us?”.

He’s honestly a little lost on why Bowman is even confused why Danny’d want to still work at NASA, it’s NASA! Traveling to space with other people who are crazy about space would be a-mazing! Regardless of how much they know or don’t he could excitedly babble with people who could excitedly babble back and actually understand each other! He could see all their faces when they see all his space and their fascination and love for all of it! And ain’t that great all on its own? Sure he could observe them as he is now from space but it would be so different to actually be in there with them and have them actually know he’s there! Should he tell Bowman that Danny’s the one that rescued Oppy? Technically he shouldn’t have and yes the Observants gave him shit but that ‘I’ll be seeing you’ song broke his still somewhat human heart and he had to save the little fella. Danny quirks an eyebrow, “because travelling to space with others who love and research space and seeing all the wonder and research over it sounds like a dream?”.

Bowman blinks and nods, “then it’s more the people, the science, than the mere act of going to space for you?”, tilting his head, “how far have you gone?”.

“I… can’t answer that second one since that would confirm whether or not the universe has an edge”. It didn’t but he can’t be confirming that. “And that might mess with established reality and multiple gods would get very mad at me”. Bowman looks impressed actually. “But yeah, it’s the people and just getting to work with and for NASA. I couldn’t think of a better thing to do with my afterlife”, rubbing his neck, “obviously I still have my protector job to do but it wouldn’t interfere”.

“You can still protect your town while also being on a spaceship?”.

“Time and space are more malleable than people think”, shrugging, “and I can duplicate my body so being two places at once isn’t really an issue”. Not to mention the fact that he literally was space so he could move through it however he pleased. Huh, it’s starting to feel more like he’s just talking to a person than NASA which is making this freak his shit out a little less.

Bowman nods more to himself, “and if you can leave the Milky Way and return in an infinitely small amount of time then you could certainly do the same within its system”, lifting his hands up and resting his chin on them, “well my mind’s certain made up, consider yourself hired. If I may, how do you move though space and time so fast? Are there improvements we could make to our suits or crafts, you think?”.

Danny’s pretty sure his smile breaks his face a little and there’s stars in his teeth, a nebula in his mouth when he speaks, “a̷w̷e̸s̵o̵m̸e̵!”, clearing his throat and ignoring Bowman’s wince, “o̶h̸ t̶h̵i̶s̵ ̵i̶s̵ ̵s̴o̴ ̷a̴m̶a̵z̶i̷n̴g̸!”, there’s a little pop and crackle, a high pitched whine sizzle; oh shit he might have broken a minor galaxy, whoops. Being a young god was a such a pain. He swats at some of the stars that had cropped up around his head and through his hair, “heh. Got a little excited there”.

“I’m pretty sure you just created tiny stars”, Bowman looks stuck between awe and bafflement, “the sheer amount of research that would be available with stars so small. How?”.

“Uh”. Well shit, there goes the ‘be normal Danny’ crap. But! But but but but but! NASA WANTS HIM! Like ACTUALLY wants HIM! HIM! Sure he’s going to get asked so many questions about him and how he is what he is but it’ll be by astronomists! And astrochemists! And astrophysicists! And just general stargazers! He wants to scream but if he does that he’s going to terrify this guy! Ugh! Shaking his head out and possibly sending away eyes that shouldn’t be there, tail squeezing around his ankle a little, “okay so it might not be super public right now but I have space-related powers? Space is my thing as a ghost”.

Bowman makes a couple of faces, “do these powers often act up when you’re excited? Are any coworkers going to need to be briefed on you?”, eyeing the tablet, “so it’s similar to the… Box Ghosts interest in boxes?”.

Should… should Danny just say fuck it and tell this man that he’s not simply space related but the literal personification of space??? It would probably explain some stuff and holy shit no way could Danny actually really keep himself all contained if he gets to GO TO SPACE WITH NASA! Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. His stupid horns are gonna pop out at this point, ugh. “Probably a good idea, heh. I’m young so I guess, you could say, I don’t keep the best lid on myself. I totally definitely want to see and get involved in everything immediately but if I do that I will definitely terrify you guys and possibly destroy something even if I will definitely be able to fix it too”, oh he’s vibrating now, great, “I can definitely be a lot in a lot of categories but you can’t really use me or mine for research, or well none of mine that’s actually like directly connected to me since studying all of mine is kinda what y’all do but the more direct me me is very ghostly and made of ecto and totally useless for human based research”. Danny manages to make himself shut up, it’s a feat really, his horns are absolutely poking out his hair a little.

A shooting stars goes across his chest and Bowman absolutely stares at it. The man eyeing Danny’s hair/horns and his face, while Danny’s trying to keep his grin from doing that damn spiral galaxy thing at the edges. “It… sounds like you view space as being yours and… your appearance can clearly change to something less human-looking”.

Oh no Danny’s made this awkward. He can’t rescind the job right? Right! “Lots of ghosts can be on the incomprehensible side, I’m generally good at not pulling that out on people. And um, it kinda is? I’m not exactly a normal ghost, more of a person who ascended into becoming a personification?”, gesturing wth a hand that’s fingers are a little too long and sharp and have a few too many joints, “I’m not gonna like spoil things or steal people’s glory or anything though I’m pretty good at making sure I don’t spill the beans on something I know NASA’s researching even if there’s nothing to be found that I don’t know but people researching and finding out and being baffled and loving space is my jam and I love it very much and would very much like to be along for the ride and aid?”.

Bowman squints at Danny, making him squeak a sound similar to Benstoma’s fire rain. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. Please let him still get hired. PLEASE! “Are you claiming you’re a… personification of part or all of space? And that’s why you know things we could never hope to know and why you spent hours talking about such things online?”.

“Yes? Am I still hired?”.

… “Can you refrain from creating stars and what sounded like what we’ve hypothesised a minor cool dwarf star exploding would sound like?”.

“I won’t do it on the ship? Or near research stuff? Or I’ll keep it contained inside myself very solidly?”.

Bowman actually sighs tiredly at him, oh no now Danny’s getting the reaction he always did from people who had put up with his bullshit for a little too long. Shit. Blurting out, “I’m also the person who rescued Oppy?”; yanking out his phone and showing the selfie he took with the little rover, giving a very awkward smile. Oh the Observants were gonna be pissed about this entire conversation holy shit.

Bowman stares at him, almost looking like he’s tearing up a little, before shaking his head, “oh what the hell, who am I to tell literal space itself ‘no’”, and stands up to shake Danny’s hand again.

Danny absolutely wants to unfurl and maybe if Jazz and Tuck and Sam hadn’t been very aggressive about pointing how bad of an idea that would be then he would have. As it is he just vibrates, tail unwinding and swishing around, “y̸o̵u̸ ̸a̵r̸e̸ ̴t̸h̴e̴ ̶b̶e̸s̴t̶!”, standing up and giving the man his hand shake, quickly realising he’s at least a foot taller that he should be; crap his legs got all long and weirdly animisticly jointed.

Bowman’s blinking down at the tail, “is that made out of IDP’s and micro-meteors?”; meanwhile Danny’s shaking out his legs to get them back to a more human length.

Danny blinking, oops. Moving the tail end fluff up into his own hands and cupping it, still having to lean down a little, “yup! Most of my, uh, I guess ‘fur’? is cosmic dust. Wanna touch it? It won’t hurt you”, shrugging, “my stars do burn though so don’t touch those”.

Bowman looks absolutely fascinated and Danny is absolutely living for it! He’s vibrating again and just seeing the man poking it and thinking a mile a minute is making Danny oh so giddy. Some parts of him are absolutely getting all goopy constellations but it’s not too extreme… yet. Is this why ClockWork never really put up much of a fight when Danny wanted to do dumb shit with the time stream? Because it was just so great and satisfying to watch someone be focused in on your thing as an Ancient? And he thought talking to people in the comments section about everything space was a rush, this was so much better! He’s gonna have to make sure he doesn’t aggressively over indulge.

Bowman hums, “actually seeing cosmic dust moving as it does this close is certainly interesting”, looking at Danny’s face, “you won’t contaminate our samples though”.

“Oh absolutely not! Messing up space research would go against my nature so that’s not gonna happen”. Danny would never! Plus if he even could he would have already considering he’s already been inside basically every NASA building by now; including some that don’t exist anymore or never did and never will.

Bowman grinning, “good. Even if you can’t also be an impromptu sample source”.

Danny holding up a finger, “I also can’t or shouldn’t really, answer your questions for you. What’s on my channel isn’t stuff humans would have ever figured out so I decided it was no harm”, muttering to himself, tail flicking near the ground, “the universe overseers still weren’t happy but I hate them so whatever”.

Bowman shakes his head and walks to the door, “come along, I’ll show you around, try to contain all your space self please?”.

“If I hadn’t already been inside this building multiple times that would be impossible for me”.

“You broke in? Repeatedly?”.

“I can be invisible and intangible. And space is technically everywhere all the time. But actually getting shown around is, a-mazing. Tell me everything”.

Bowman smiles at him like he’s an excitable child and actually indulges Danny, explaining even the really simply tiny things and Danny is absolutely adoring and absorbing every second of it; he’s vibrating and stars dance across his skin, sometimes he has to smack bits of stars or galaxy back into himself but he mostly manages.

…

He also has to throw out the lunch Jazz packed him -having rightfully assumed that he absolutely would not be back home in time for said lunch- as it had growled at him and Danny refused to eat anything that could make sounds. Bowman eyeing the bag Danny crushed closed hastily, “you eat? And your food shrieks?”.

Danny sighing, damn it Jazz, “a certain someone keeps trying to get me to eat ectoplasm since I technically spend too much time in the living realm to get enough from the environment here, unfortunately she is not a good cook and I think eating ectoplasm is extremely disgusting and morally questionable”.

“That does sound unfortunately close to cannibalism, but I’m sure we could work something out with this caretaker of yours to get you approved for special lunches”.

Danny groans exaggeratedly at the man, who smirks a little at him.

And Bowman absolutely did get in touch with one Jasmine Fenton who was all too eager to try and set up program approved experimental ectoplasm space rations for NASA’s newest and strangest member. NASA’s scientists were dramatically better at figuring out how to get ectoplasm to work in physical food, so she was very happy.

When Danny got home the very first thing he did was call Tuck with, “so you know that whole don’t tell them you’re a space eldritch god? Yeah I fucked that up”.

“Ha! I’m almost impressed! And they still hired you?”.

“Yup! I might have appealed to his love for space with my stupid space dust tail, and I mentioned saving Oppy”.

“Oh how manipulative”.

“Oh shut up! Anyway he showed me around-”, Danny spends over an hour just gushing about everything Bowman had showed off to him, Tuck humours him but clearly isn’t really following the conversation. Man it was going to be awesome to talk space with people who could and would!

End.

Prompts: "Shouldn't being the town hero since my freshman year of high school count as previous working experience?" "What did you want to be, when you grew up?" Every strange thing Danny has ever done, accidentally or not, comes back not to haunt him, but to help him. Danny starts a vlog to talk about space, but as the Ancient of Space he knows more about it than all top scientists together. NASA discovers his vlog. Danny accidentally shows up to a NASA job interview as Phantom. He’s hired on the spot. Ghosts need ectoplasm to stay healthy and by golly is Jazz going to figure out a way to introduce it to Danny's diet. Sometimes you just gotta be an eldritch horror.

#danny phantom #phandom #phic phight #phicphight24 #danny fenton #tucker foley #have a fic suck my dick #phantomphangphucker #my writing #jazz #nasa #eldritch #space ancient danny #gothmoth

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dungeon-meshi-tournament · 9 months

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Of course asking people which monster they find more fuckable is a good way to get them to say funny things, so I got a lot of funny comments on the Most Fuckable Monster in the Dungeon Tournament. So as usual, I compiled a list of the ones I liked best, ordered by the poll they were commented on. Enjoy!

Barometz vs Dryad (round 1 part 1)

dryad boobs in my mouth please please please you're nothing

Man-eating plant vs Mandrake (round 1 part 1)

getting my dick digested by a pitcher plant

its what laios would have wanted

Skeleton vs Dullahan (round 1 part 1)

why is the armor sweeping?? how are ya'll planning to fuck the armor??? at least the skeleton you could like wedge a vibrator or fleshlight into the pelvis. I forgot this is the celibacy site and fucking is not a real physical thing on here

fools do not see the eroticisim of plate armor

Phoenix vs Harpy (round 1 part 2)

harpy has a tits out kinda look

Griffin vs Hippogriff (round 1 part 2)

Me at first: really? You’d fuck the horse? Me, remembering the barded penises of felines : no wait you’re right

White dragon vs Red dragon (round 1 part 3)

It's canon that white dragons fight furiously while red dragon is the equivalent of that blue hands dinosaur in Prehistoric Planet

white dragon is cuntier somehow

Treasure insects vs Succubus (round 1 part 3)

another tits out kinda look

normal poll matchup. normal poll. do people want to fuck a succubus or inch long insects. who will win

Huge scorpion vs Huge spider vs Mimic (round 1 part 3)

What you do to the mimic is hidden from the eyes of all

The mimics got that dog in it

dark souls mimic resemblances have me thinking unwise

something about the mysterious air around the mimic

Golem vs Ice golem (round 1 part 4)

Same deal but one freezes ur junk off I think the winner is clear

Gargoyle vs Hag (round 1 part 4)

..abusive mother kink????

Familiar vs Jack Frost (round 1 part 4)

familiar is customizable 👍

Doppelganger vs Demon (round 1 part 4)

That stupid sexy cat simply slays too much cunt

Hippogriff vs Fish-man (round 2 part 1)

no offense to my buddy fish-man but that hippogriff is too majestic

Living armour vs Undine (round 2 part 2)

One if the extras has a really perturving bit: Undines fed by consuming liquids with mana. Holm mentions regularly feeding it BODILY FLUIDS.

is wearing living armor anything

White dragon vs Green dragon (round 3)

she made that dragon sooooo cunty and for what

Cockatrice vs Demon (round 3)

you should've put the slutiest picture of the demon. to remind everyone that ryoko -sensei is down BAD

no one: ryoko kui: i am going to make a lion demon that is SOOOOOOO [redacted]

everybody vote for demon! a vote for demon is a love letter to Ryoko Kui

I do find it funny we're blowing the demon whore moments on like, the cockatrice matchup

This manga is so slutty and yet so tasteful in it that you can't really call it anything but great in every aspect of its eroticism

Mermaid vs Harpy (quarter finals)

i am so mad rn. a mermaid !? more fuckable than a harpy!? for shame tumblr for shame

White dragon vs Succubus (quarter finals)

Dragon fluffye!

Chimera vs Mermaid (semi-finals)

sorry mermaid. falin fucks supremely.

sorry falin. gotta stand up for my fellow merfolk here

a vote for chimera is a vote for lesbians

Succubus vs Demon (semi-finals)

Not even the sucubbi stands up to the limitless demon sexo

if you think about it. the succubus can turn into the demon's many forms

Chimera vs Demon (finale)

fags and dykes fighting to the death over this one

Listen man. Even if I'm gay I understand why Falin is winning but- Consider that the demon knows your exact wants and desires and could satisfy your sexual needs perfectly. Also when he's buff and humanoid near the end

either of them deserve to win but demon sweep because that fucker showed up in a dream to me once

teef!!!!

VOTE FOR DYKES. VOTE FOR SLEEPY GIRLS. VOTE FOR SHARP LITTLE TEETH

Mermaid vs Succubus (battle for the bronze)

mermaids can't lose to magical mosquito people PLEASE

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #most fuckable monster in the dungeon tournament #funny comments

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tgammsideblog · 5 months

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Let's talk about Jinx vs The Human World

Jinx vs The Human World is... certainly an episode. It hasn't been talked much in comparison to The End because it has been greatly overshadowed by the later.

One thing that i think many of us can agree about Jinx vs The Human World is that it has super chaotic pacing. It doesn't give you room to breathe because it is already jumping to the next plot point and you can't digest well what you are watching. This hurts the emotional impact crucial character scenes have, because again, they aren't allowed to flow well, not letting the characters to react properly.

It's an episode that should have been around 44 minutes long since it covers multiple plot threads. With that ammount of time some things could have been better paced and given a proper conclusion.

As for the plot threads, i already talked about how i like Jinx as antagonist in this episode. She is fun, her song sequence is pretty good. She ends up capturing Molly and using her as away to power up her sobgoblins.

I really enjoy seeing Scratch finally having to deal with the consequences of not being a good leader. The reason the events of this episode happen are because of his own irresponsibilty, letting Jinx steal the Chairman robe and take over the Ghost World. He realizes that he has been messing up a lot and someone else should be in charge instead. He lets the chairman robe go and chose a more appropiate candidate to be the new chairman.

My biggest issue would be the Chens plot part. I do like the part of Ollie and June standing up to Ruben and Esther and trying to persuade them into helping them to stop Jinx. It's a scene that serves more or less well as a conclusion for their arc, even if Necro-Comicon and The Grand Gesture have this purpose, (more for Ollie's character)

The reveal that Geoff was the ghost that scared Ruben was nice too. It has been a thing that was foreshadowed back on ¨Book Marks The Sprite¨

What i'm not so fond of is how it was Geoff sneezing at him when he was a kid. I think it could been more interesting if it had been Geoff hurting Ruben by accident or scaring too much. That way Geoff apologizes to Ruben, showing to him that he didn't mean to hurt him that way.

Ruben also feels like he lacks proper scenes to show his change of mind. Sure, he realizes that Geoff wasn't evil as he thought he was, making him question things. But there isn't much else. I think there could have been a scene of Geoff saving Ruben from the sobgoblins and Ruben realizes how a ghost saved him, making him reconsider his views.

His change of mind is like it comes a bit out of nowhere. Another problem is how he seems to be super friendly around ghosts near the end which it is very weird. I think it could have been better if he had some expressions and lines that indicates that he is still trying to get used to not seeing ghosts as evil.

In addition to this, the Chens don't get to do much in this episode outside of trapping Jinx inside the phantom canister. I wished that they could have set up traps to catch the sobgoblins and contain them temporary at least, that would have given them a bigger role in the plot.

I do like some moments that June has, like her interations with Darryl and giving some funny moments. She is pretty enjoyable in this episode and she shines almost scene she is in.

In some other problems, i find the whole wraith transformation of ghost friends unnecessary, it doesn't have any funtion in the story aside from seeing how they look as wraiths (which is cool!) but the plot could have played out the same if it had been just Scratch and Molly going to the Ghost World.

The Ghost Council saying nice things about Scratch and that he wasn't so bad to give Molly joy fits well their character arcs this season, but, Sir Alister saying they are Scratch's ¨friends¨ doesn't add up since Scratch doesn't want anything to do with them and he has interacted with them because he was forced to be the Chairman in first place. I would change that line of dialogue and leave it as them thinking that Scratch is not so bad instead.

In all, i think what really hurt Jinx vs The Human World is that it needed to be a way longer episode (around 40-50 minutes) to allow things to be spaced out better. A good chunk of the issues from this episode seem to come from that. With more time to explore the events and changing some things, this episode could have been more presentable in quality as a whole.

#the ghost and molly mcgee #tgamm #tgamm season 2 #Tgamm jinx vs the human world #Jinx tgamm #scratch mcgee #ruben chen #ollie chen #june chen #tgamm geoff

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snenbubs · 6 months

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Okay so early my Dumas was chewing on a glowstick idk why I like the crunch and my brother tells me to stop before I krill myself and I looked him dead in the eyes and bit tf out of the glowstick breaking it and green chimalcs are just coming out of my mouth,and while I was trying to clean my mouth I was wondering what if mammon had an s/o who's very playful and he'll just find them throwing those little tiny ass demons in the air or just straigh has a fucking tea party with them

(I think their called underlings)

Idk why I'm requesting this I'm just very eepy and want to chew on a glowstick anyways have an amazing day

Ps funny pictures

HELLO!! SORRY I DIDNT RESPOND TO THIS RIGHT AWAY I NORMALLY DO I WAS SICK

also LMFAO IM CRYING I HAD TO SHOW THIS ASK TO MY FRIENDS CUZ IT WAS JUST ABSOLUTELY CRAZY, I HOPE UR OKAY PLS DONT DIGEST GLOW STICKS!!

I do absolutely love this idea though, so here u go!! I'll do HCs but if u want me to write like, a one-shot for this just leave an ask! :D

- Mammon is very playful himself, so i think thats definitely where the attraction lies between you both! He can get so serious at times, but its always easy for him to unwind when you are there, joking about and toying and laughing with him.

- You are absolutely, completely and utterly crazy but he adores it so so much.

- When the two of you first met, he thought it was an act, much like his touchy-feely friendly jester persona. He thought that you put on this entertaining personality for those around you, and it worked, clearly, as it drew him in so intently.

- SO, when he quickly found out that it wasn't an act, was he GLAD.

- You both definitely play pranks on the other sins or royals.

- Nothing too serious, it wont get you in trouble! But, a pail of water on Asmodeus' firey head is sure to get a rumble going. Honey in the pillows of Beezlebub. Just enough to have them angrily shaking their fists as the two of you giggle and laugh amonst yourselves.

- However, though he can bounce off of your playful personality well, there are moments where you catch him off guard.

- The time he caught you eating a glowstick was utterly HORRIFIC. He wasn't sure if the chemicals could hurt you the same way they did with humans on Earth, but he was NOT taking that risk.

- Que him chasing you around like a dog with chocolate.

- His underlings both love you and fear you, because how you treat them depends on your mood;

- If your happy, your playful personality will leave them joyous and replenished, a nice addition to the stressing job of serving Mammon.

- You throw tea parties for them a lot! Mammon didn't know about this for a LONG while as you mostly did it when he wasn't around, knowing his keen nature for work.

- These tea parties however aren't the fancy kind most royals would be into. The kinds that, as Mammon's partner, you're supposed to be into. No these are more like that of a mad-hatters tea party; the table is too small for you because most butler imps and hellborns are tiny. Tea is being spilt. The food is on fire. It's just absolute chaos.

- The shock on Mammon's face when he found out these things were occuring under his manors roof was something you wish you could have taken a picture of.

- But he couldn't stay angry at you.

- On the other hand, when you're upset, those poor underlings are being THROWN.

- It's not even like an accidental, in the moment thing. You just enjoy throwing them. Mammon has even bought you a few personal underlings that are specially used for throwing. He really cares about your hobbies.

- Now then... this playful personality of yours is very helpful when it comes to flustering Mammon.

- You tease him a lot, flirtatously.

- He's all bark no bite. Great at dishing out commente that'll have you flushed but so horribly bad at taking it.

- So, just one little comment; maybe mocking his accent seductively, will have him looking away all shy and meek.

- All in all, it's your playful personality that draws Mammon toward you, he loves how easy he can get along with you and how you always know how to bring a smile to his face. Being a Royal Sin is hard but knowing that you will always be there for him is what gets him through each Hellish day.

I hope you like this!!! :D feel free to leave me more reqs i rlly like them! ur my no.1 fan forreal

ps. that picture is both really funny and horrifically scary omg 😭

#mammon hb #mammon hb x reader #hb mammon #helluva boss x reader #mammon helluva boss #i love him #i need him so bad #he is so cute #and silly #i hope he has a lovely day #and i hopd you have a lovely day

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leggerefiore · 1 year

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A silly idea for MerMay:

You get gifted a bottle of perfume that contains ambergris (a substance that comes from sperm whales) and decide to try it. How would it affect merfolk?

It would be funny if different species had different reactions from smelling it. For one species, they might think this means you’ve been marked/scented by another merfolk already, but another smell it and think it’s like a distress signal.

And (of course) one species immediately assumes it’s a pheromone signaling fertility, because of course it does.

cw: sexual mentions in Grimsley's section, pokehybrid au, mermen,

characters: Emmet, Volo, Grimsley, Ingo

▽Eelektross Emmet△

○ As Eelektross would likely have to produce a similar substance due to how they can eat many indigestible things, his first thought is that a pokemon has eaten you and, hopefully, vomited you back up. There's likely been horror stories about Wailords accidentally doing so.

○ Expect him to awkwardly sniff you over before pulling you tightly into a hug and looking around as if something were coming to attack you. After he manages to calm down from his momentary panic slightly, Emmet asks if you experienced something life changing with a cetacean recently, obvious distressed still. You turn to him with a confused expression and reply you have not.

○ “Darling, you smell like a digestive fluid,” he whispers like whatever supposedly ate you and somehow erased your memory lingered nearby. You pull away from him with bold laughter, staring at the worried Eelektross hybrid with a hysterical expression. His yellow patches of flesh glowed with light electricity, obviously ready to protect you.

○ “I think that's the best yet worst way someone has ever said my perfume stinks,” you told him. Emmet gasped. He was now pondering why humans would spray digestive fluid on themselves. A defence mechanism? He could not be sure. “... Ah, it's the ambergris in it, isn't it? That's why you think I got swallowed by a Wailord,” you realised.

○ Emmet really wasn't a fan of the perfume, alas. He is still not completely certain it was not some human defence mechanism against marine life.

💫Milotic Volo📜

⭐️ Milotic hybrids also recognise it as a digestive fluid scent, not as they contain it themselves, but as when Wailord drops happen in the deeper parts of the ocean, the scent mixes in with the stench of death. That is why he hops onto a similar concern that you were eaten by a Wailord (or, much to an improbable horror, an Eelektross). Well, until he recalls how the scent would cling to Mistress Cogita, too.

⭐️ He likely tugs you into the water and pulls you under with him, whether you are in swimming attire or not, to wash off the heavy scent from you. The ambergris overpowered whatever scent the perfume was actually meant to be in his senses. You likely are confused by the sudden embrace and dip into the ocean, but let it happen, as Volo wasn't exactly know to be easily evaded.

⭐️ He places you back on the shore and gives you an icy glare, a reminder that he preferred to take the siren route rather than be a beautiful, helpful water visage. “That perfume you wore,” he explained, “Smelled like someone vomited on you.” You gasped. His harsh words stung, and he obviously took note as he reached out to grab you. “It was the ambergris in it, not whatever sugar sweet delicacy or floral and herby notes it claimed it had,” he corrected himself, feeling admittedly a bit guilty about upsetting you.

⭐️ “... You still manage to be the evil fish I first met,” you sighed and leaned against him. Water dripped from you. You pressed your face into his nape as he took to floating in the water with you on top of him, golden hair floating behind him beautifully. “You don't like that scent?” you asked him, unsure as to why he had strong opinions. His face scrunched up as he had to explain his preferred krill had been coated in it for a while due to a picky Eelektross. You laughed.

⭐️ You have to take a bath in the ocean if you wear it around him. He claims it gives him a headache and bad memories associated with a certain bite mark on the upper part of his tail.

♠️Sharpedo Grimsley❤️

♤ Sharpedo hybrids, unfortunately, are the ones who take it as a horny thing. Grimsley approaches the shore where you sat to greet him with an odd smile on his lips. You thought little of it until he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the water, swimming away from the shore as fast as he could. It was mostly deserted, but there were one or two people who took notice of the “Shark Attack” and freaked out over you being whisked away, assumably to be eaten.

♡ This was not so uncommon for Grimsley, as there were times he grew tired of humans asking him endless questions about his species. That and he enjoyed a good thrill, and there was nothing like having someone try to “rescue” you from a terrifying man-eating hybrid. When you end up far away from the shore, he slows down and leans over you.

◇ “Oh, man, I didn't think normal humans had a mating season,” his voice was teasing, “You must have wanted to gamble whether I would take you on the beach or not.” You gazed at him with a confused expression, causing him to also grow a bit confused. You obviously had come to him reeking of pheromones to mate, right? He didn't understand why you looked so confused. “You are emitting pheromones,” Grimsley told you boldly.

♧ “... My perfume makes Sharpedos horny, got it,” you said to yourself and him, causing him to nearly lose his grasp on you. His mouth fell open, exposing his sharpened teeth for a moment before it closed. You sighed, “Uh, I think unless flowers have this effect on you, it was probably the ambergris, right?” Grimsley felt even more horrified at your words. Had he been aroused by the scent of Wailord digestive fluids? It… It was honestly not the worst thing that had got him hard.

♤ Grimsley demands you wear it whenever you meet for a night together. In fact, he requests the bottle itself for unknown reasons.

bonus joke:

▲Incomplete Eelektross Ingo▼

● You had entered his office to bring the humanoid fish man a surprise lunch. It was admittedly all run-of-the-mill for you two. A kiss and light conversation were expected, but not him suddenly pulling you into his chest while breathing heavily. You could feel even his gills pulsing on his chest. What had brought out this sudden behavioural shift in him?

● You tried to pull away, but he only held you tighter. The scent that came from you was familiar to Ingo. Something that he knew from his time in the water. His brain rushed with terrifying scenarios of a visit to a beach turning into you getting claimed by some horrifying fish hybrid. What if you loved them more than him, as they were proper hybrids unlike him?

● “D-dearest,” he stuttered out, gazing deeply into your eyes, “Did another hybrid claim you?” Your heart had clenched at his pathetic tone before bleeding into complete confusion. Claimed? By another hybrid? You certainly did not recall anything like that, and you told him just that. “You smell of another hybrid!” he cried, burying his face into your shirt. You realised then.

● “Ingo, that's my perfume,” you corrected him, “I think it had ambergris in it.” He turned his head up to you before going back to take another sniff of your shirt. His face was stiffer than it even usually was as the gears turned in his head. Soon, he politely released you and walked back to his desk, where he hung his head in shame. As much as you wanted to giggle at his overreaction, you felt a bit bad seeing him in such a state.

● Ingo politely requests you not wear it around him, too embarrassed about the reaction he had to it. He will never forgive himself for mistaking a digestive fluid for a mating smell.

#emmet x reader #grimsley x reader #volo x reader #ingo x reader #pokemon x reader #pokehybrid au #ingo/reader #emmet/reader #grimsley/reader #volo/reader

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m3r1m4r5u333 · 18 days

Text

Just a long ramble about how sad and unwell Eddie is

Aaargh this isn't the first time I post something like this but. Every time I think about Eddie's slide into insanity after Buck came out. I CAN'T DEAL.

It's just so... Tragic. And funny. And sad. And funny, okay!

But also so fucking tragic!

Because I feel like the fall into this madness is him, being pushed from two directions over the edge. It's Eddie, still missing, mourning, loving Shannon... And not ever really taking a moment to process his grief, and truly face and accept her death.

And the push over the edge is also about Eddie, clearly being in love with Buck, having already pined for years, hopelessly, alone... and then learning that Buck is into men, just not into Eddie (or so Eddie concludes).

Because I fully believe Eddie really had NO IDEA that Buck likes men,

Nope, he had spent years watching Buck run after women, endless women, he has watched him flirt, date, have affairs, confess love, casually try to count the thousands of women he's been with and not being even able to remember...

And Buck never dated even one man.

And it wasn't like Buck was homophobic, clearly he's an ally, keeps posting about his support, is close friends with queer people...

So Eddie thinks it couldn't be just repression or homophobia or ignorance either.

No, Eddie thought Buck just liked women, and if Eddie ever thought there was a flirty moment between them two... then clearly it was just Eddie, and his overly active imagination. It was just his hope talking.

So Eddie squished that hope, to protect himself. He crushed it utterly. Eddie hammered into his skull the painful knowledge that Buck is straight, and that path is a dead end.

So it didn't matter that Eddie had realised that Buck is beautiful in any light, even in the dark. It was a dead end.

And so years went by and Eddie had resigned to his fate which was that he was

pining after a straight man.

Yea it was sad, and hopeless, but so what. That was simply the hand he'd been given. He would cope.

So Eddie made himself see the world as it was, he killed his hope, he internalized this idea, Buck being straight so thoroughly...

That when the idea actually proved out to be wrong..?

Eddie couldn't at first even process the concept, of Buck being into men!!!

No, when Buck told him about having been on a date with another MAN....

Eddie's brain just latched onto Tommy's gayness first...

because at least that idea was safe, comprehensible,

that idea was something Eddie could approach, digest. It was a surprise but it wasn't his reality warping.

Unlike the news of Buck's bisexuality...

which was a mad, bizarre idea,

a freaking MASSIVE PARADIGM SHIFT,

something that couldn't be true,

a concept that had Eddie's universe tilting!!

So Eddie ignored the freaking tooth fairy introducing himself, and wrapped his brain around something that sounded SANE first, Tommy's gayness, and then...

When his brain finally started believing his ears, and his mind started whirring,

when he finally got it....

He went:

Wait...

You TWO...?!

And he was fucking floored.

Really, when Eddie says "Okay",

to acknowledge this news...

he's fucking SHAKING,

eyes wide in shock,

His voice is all wonky!!!

He's shocked, he's shaken...

Because for a brief moment...

he exists in a world in which Buck could love him back!!

Because he's realising that after all these years....

Of him,

hopelessly staring at Buck, with no hope,

watching him date a woman after woman... And just quietly pining...

It turns out....

Maybe there is a chance?

After all, he's been wrong to assume the idea of them two is impossible,

because turns out that all this time Buck HAS been into men, too...?

Maybe...?

But oh.

No, he's being stupid again, feeling hope.

It's a trap. There is no hope, Eddie realises.

Any hope is a fever dream.

Because Buck is talking about Tommy. About how much he likes Tommy.

WHICH MEANS...

THAT BUCK'S SEXUALITY...

DOES.

NOT.

MATTER.

WILL. NOT. MATTER.

Yep, this news is irrelevant.

Because Eddie still has no hope.

Because this news just makes everything worse.

... Because this is not a chance.

This is Eddie, being crushed under a truck.

This just makes it clear how hopelessly unrequited Eddie's feelings are, have always been, will always be.

Because this just makes it clear that Eddie can never exist on Buck's radar.

No, it doesn't even matter that Buck likes men...

Because clearly, he still doesn't want Eddie.

No, Buck never looked back, it was all imagination,

he's still not doing that even though Eddie now knows that Buck likes men, too,

and Eddie is right there, has been all along.

But it doesn't matter.

Buck is still not interested.

He has found someone else.

Sounds serious about someone else.

Yes, Buck likes men, and still dismisses Eddie.

Which just leaves one explanation...

that the problem here isn't Eddie's gender, the reason why he is alone with these feelings isn't his gender. No, it never was.

It's not his body, Buck likes men.

So it's just.... Eddie, then, right?

He is the problem. Something about who he is just clearly doesn't catch Buck's interest, makes him uninteresting.

That must be what makes Eddie unappealing? Not what he looks like, not him being a man... but who he is. He is Eddie, and something about that makes Buck go "no, not him."

Yes, the problem is Eddie. He drove Shannon away, too, right. There is just something wrong with him, that makes people leave.

No, there is no hope.

He must just be utterly unlovable to Buck.

And so...

All hope just goes crashing down.

Down.

Crashing.

And Eddie quickly puts on a mask... and pretends.

This is fine.

Yes. This is fine. Nothing has changed. Business as usual.

I'll deal. Yes.

This doesn't change a thing between us. Okay? 👍

Yes. 🔥THIS IS FINE.🔥

I can deal. I have a girlfriend, don't I?

And if that's not enough.

That's fine, too! Maybe something else will come along and save me from this pain, something just as magical as Buck. Yeah. Any day now.

Something will drown out this horror, something just as big and beautiful, and magical.

He'll find someone he loves just as deeply. Who will love him back.

So here's how it goes:

I'm fine. This is fine. Yep.

.... Nevermind I will find someone like youuuu.

I wish nothing but the best for yoouuu twoooo....

...

Oh.

I... I'm saved.

I've found someone.

I'm safe.

I've found someone like him. Just as huge, lovely, I've found a great love.

I know it.

It's Shannon. Of course it's Shannon. It must be Shannon.

Shannon and Buck are the magical ones.

And she never really died, did she?

I never really believed that.

So now I've found her again.

She was just hiding. Here she is!

It's Shannon, it's my dead wife, hiding under a fake identity.

Because I'm okay.

Because nothing has changed and I am fine, and this discovery,

Buck's bisexuality?

It doesn't hurt me, can't hurt me. I have something just as good, I have love again.

Ha, this discovery is a ✨🕺DISCO🕺✨

It doesn't hurt.

I'm happy.

I'm not seeing a ghost. This may seem mad but it's not, it's all fine, normal because she isn't dead, she isn't a ghost. Of course she isn't.

She's real, she's Shannon. Just in disguise. Hiding. Running from something maybe. But I'll make her feel safe, coax her out of hiding.

This was always meant to happen. She ran but she came back and now I've found her again.

And this is real. She isn't dead. I'm not seeing things. This is real. She isn't dead.

This has nothing to do with Buck dating Tommy.

This isn't my mental health cracking, right after Buck came out and started dating another man.

And I found out that I am unlovable and that there is no hope in this world.

No, the world is a happy place, full of love.

....

So. I think that's the scenery inside Eddie's dream land.

Nope, Eddie is not spiraling... After never really processing his grief and admitting that Shannon is truly gone.

After years of watching Buck date women, watching Buck not even being able to count how many women he's been with,

Eddie just helplessly finding him beautiful in any lighting, probably even in pitch fucking black...

Eddie is not crashing after being hit with the cruel knowledge that the world is just a sharp painful place, that Eddie cannot ever find love, he will always be alone and unlovable

and everyone he loves leaves...

Yes, Eddie is fine. He has already moved on. So very moved on, that he's now dating TWO women.

And if one of them is a ghost then... If one of them is his dead wife, walking again.

Then there's nothing wrong with him. He's fine. There is love in his life, isn't there? Shannon loved him.

Loves him.

She's even sending coded messages about their time on the beach together by showing him the beach scented candles.

It's her. Eddie isn't alone. He's loved. He has love.

No, nothing has changed.

I am just suddenly seeing my dead wife again. I am fine.

#buddie #gifs aren't mine #it's just me having a mental breakdown over this mental breakdown storyline #pining eddie dying eddie #always dying #everyone leaves #and he is alone #911 buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie 911 #911 abc #evan buck buckley #911 on abc #tv: 911 #eddie díaz #tragedy husbands. it's the perfect match

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weirdmarioenemies · 10 months

Text

Name: Spindleburr

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Today's post is topped with a pointy plant. Be careful, don't touch it! If you happen to scroll through Tumblr by rummaging through a large purse and pulling out posts one by one, I would recommend wearing thick gloves for this post.

Spindleburr is sort of like Rubbery Bulb, the funny plant nodules Mario can spin into in order to twang them around and, in fact, even defeat some spiky plants! But some sadist on the Galaxy 2 dev team had a twisted idea... what if Rubbery Bulb... wanted to KILL YOU? They drafted some concepts, toned them down a bit to keep the E for Everyone rating, and that is how Spindleburr was born. Not from a seed, from a MESSED UP BRAIN!

Remember back when this was known as "Bee Eater" from internal data, until the real name was known? I don't think tenderizing alone counts as eating, unless it then, like, gingerly spreads the bee remains around its roots for fertilizer. Hey, the main Spindleburr image is cropped from this screenshot! Good job, cropper!

I don't think Spindleburrs truly mean any harm, I think that like any ol' spiky seed pod, they want to stick to an animal's hairs to be dispersed! Mario is far too small to transport a burr of this size. But they are not out of luck, for remember, there is a very Big Bee out among the stars who they could surely stick to! Normally she does not move all that far, but if a Spindleburr was lucky enough to stick to Honey Queen before she went out kart racing, she could spread those seeds to all of our favorite Mario Kart 7 locations! I hope the introduced Spindleburr's don't pop the Toad-Tastic balloons in Toad Circuit!

Name: Trapdragon

Debut: Super Mario Galaxy 2

This here is Spindelburr's partner in crime! I interviewed zero people, and 100% of them said that Spindleburr and Trapdragon are the most iconic duo in gaming. Trapdragon is a very funny name. It comes from Snapdragon, of course, so it has flower lineage, but this is now a combination of "trap" and "dragon" used for a flower that does not resemble a snapdragon, so I am Amused here.

Trapdragon will lie in wait, an unassuming flying flower, until its Tricky Surprise! It will utterly prank Mario by enveloping and attempting to digest him, but Mario always finds a way out. Maybe he tastes bad, and that is the real reason he wears bright red! Super Mario is aposematic!

Very fascinating is that Trapdragon is only MIMICKING a flower! It isn't the flower that eats: the "flower" is simply a lure, like a really wacky tongue, and just beneath its petals are these white Piranha Plant-like lips! Or maybe lip, since there is only one side to it? A rim. It is hard to tell if these are meant to be a variant of Piranha Plant, but I think it would be cool either way!

Look how funny when it's completely closed! Like those weird and wonderful Mario Kart 64 Piranha Plants. I hope that was intentional, but prooobably not. But maybe! These are the minds twisted enough to make Evil Plants, after all!

Here we can see both Spindleburr and Trapdragon hanging out, in the wild, in Honeybloom Galaxy. This is a good galaxy! Lots of funny plants! I feel like this blog should cover it at some point if we haven't already.

#spindleburr #trapdragon #super mario galaxy 2 #mario #mario enemies #mod chikako #long post

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charlywrites · 2 years

Text

Requested by anon

Request; reader who is max’s half sister and he found out in 2021. After meeting he invited her to a Grand Prix and this is where she meets Carlos. Now I’m thinking like an enemies to lovers where he makes a rude comment when meeting her calling her a gold digger because he thinks max is cheating with her (not knowing that’s his sister). But as enemies to lovers go they eventually end up together

Warnings; mention of j*s at the beginning, swearing, mention of Carlos’ crash. Also Max is really present in this fic.

Note; I put my whole pussy in that fic, enemies to lovers trope? check, idiots in love? check.

✩ ✩ �� ✩ ✩ ✩

Growing up, you didn’t know who your father truly was up until your teenage years, only then you learned about the life he had and the reason you would only see him once or twice a year- he was known to be a formula one driver.

It wasn’t something you really cared about if you had to be honest, sure they sport itself seemed to be interesting but you weren’t familiar with it- and you weren’t too interest by sharing a passion with your father.

You had never been close or even truly got along with him, it was clear that he did not care about you, which fueled a hatred for him from a young age. You never understood why he didn’t want you to be a part of his life, especially once you got old enough to understand more serious topics.

It’s only when you recently learnt that your father did not only have a life you weren’t part of, he also had a whole family you never knew about. Actually, you might have never know about them if your stepbrother hadn’t reached out to you first.

At first, when you received a call from an unknown number, you thought it was a weird and messed up prank, but after making a quick research on internet, you learnt that the caller was quite literally your stepbrother who also happened to be the current drivers’ champion.

It was a lot to take in and digest, hence why it took you over a week to answer Max’s text asking if you’d eventually like to meet up- you weren’t sure if it was a good idea to already meet up but in the end, you could let the opportunity to meet your stepbrother.

And just like that, only a bit over two weeks after Max first called you, you were meeting and going on a hike together- it was his idea, saying that it could be fun and would make it less awkward than meeting in a coffee shop.

“Are you ready?”

“ I’d say yes but I have a feeling I might regret saying that later.”

Max chucked, something was telling him you two were going to go along just well, “ don’t worry, we’ll go at your own pace, I don’t want to lose you behind.”

“ Hey! Don’t underestimate me. I might not be a champion or even into sport that much but that doesn’t mean I can’t keep up.”

“ Alright, alright, it’s not a competition anyways, we’re here to learn about each other and have fun, right?”

And you did have fun, Max turned out to be really funny and nice, you didn’t regret accepting to meet and getting to know him, in fact, you wanted him to be part of your life now, after all, you had a lot to catch up- you would never be able to catch up on all the years you had missed but you still could try.

Hence why, after the hike, Max invited you to his next Grand Prix, you told him early on that you didn’t know a single thing about his sport but he still wanted to show you his world. You couldn’t say know, you could tell how much it meant to him and you were curious to know what it was like in real life.

Here you were two weeks later, completely lost and confused in a world you didn’t know a thing about. You asked Max if you could come the whole weekend as you were willing to try to understand his sport, and he was more than happy to invite you for the three whole days.

Max was busy for a last minute meeting with his engineering team, so with Max’s encouragements, you went wandering through the paddock and a bit everywhere you were allowed to go to- all you knew was that you couldn’t lose your pass where it was written that you were Max’s guest.

You couldn’t tell how far you had went, and it seemed impossible to find your way back to the Red Bull’s garage without asking someone for directions. It wasn’t an easy task as everyone looked so busy, you didn’t want to bother.

That was until you saw a man, that you guessed worked for Ferrari due to his red shirt, he didn’t look too busy as he was looking at his phone. Taking your chance, you approached the man and excuse yourself, “ hi, i- uhm, I’m sorry to bother you, I’m lost and I’d like to go back to the Red Bull’s garage, do you know where I have to go?”

“ Hi,” before continuing he quickly looked at your pass to make sure you weren’t lying, “ Max’s guest, uh? The garages are at the other side, it’d be easier for you to ask Max to come get you.”

“ What’s wrong with me being Max’s guest?”

“ He always has the same guests, but I never saw you around.”

You frowned, not understanding what the problem was or what he was trying to insinuate- it wasn’t your fault you didn’t get to know him sooner, “ I met Max recently, so it’s my first time around here.”

“ You just met and he already invites you? Damn, I didn’t know Max liked gold diggers!”

“ What the fuck?” being offended wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how you felt hearing this man’s comment, “ I don’t know who you think you are but fuck you!”

You left right away, fuming at the man’s comments on you and your brother- which you ended up calling once you cooled down to ask him how to get back to the garage.

To say the least, you felt like a complete fool for getting lost, and the fact that Max told you to stay where you were because he was coming to get you didn’t help neither. It was your first time in this environment but you felt like you were just taking Max’s precious time during those weekends.

That wasn’t how your brother felt though, he was delighted to have you around and was already hoping you’d come to more races in the future, “ so, how was your little adventure?”

“ Cool until I met an asshole who ruined the experience a bit.”

Your brother frowned, unhappy to hear someone had already bothered you, “ do you know who it was?”

“ I don’t know anyone or any name besides you, Lewis Hamilton, Vettel, and since today Checo too.”

“ You can’t tell which team neither?”

“ Oh, it was one of the Ferrari drivers- but why does it matter?”

“ I’ll make sure they don’t bother you again.”

You shrugged it off, you didn’t really care anymore already, you were still bothered by those comments but it wasn’t going to keep you awake at night, “ i can take care of myself don’t worry, i told them to fuck off.”

Max seemed to be amused by what you told him but also felt proud to know how you stood up for yourself, “ well, that was deserved.”

“ Yeah.”

———

It had now been a month since you saw Max races for the first time- and also win. You were starting to understand your brother’s love for this sport even if it would never reach his level, you liked it more every time you’d watch a race, wether it was in person or behind a screen.

You hadn’t gotten the chance to attend the race after your first Grand-Prix due to work but after that, you had changed your schedule to be able to go support your brother on every upcoming races.

The only real downside of attending the those weekends were that you kept crossing paths with Carlos who, for some unknown reasons, disliked you since your first time attending a Grand-Prix.

Naturally, you would always return his shady comments or glares every single time- you didn’t really hate him but did hold a grudge against him for the names he had called you. Other than that, you believed he was a great guy since him and Max seemed to go along so well.

You had just left the Red Bull’s facility, siping some fresh drink when your shoulder collided with someone, who just like you, wasn’t paying attention to where they were going, “ ah, come on! You again?”

“ You don’t own the place as far as I’m concerned?”

“ You neither, yet you seem to always be on my way.”

You scoffed, this was getting ridiculous, you were literally next to the Red Bull’s zone, where else were you supposed to be, “ oh my god, stop being so childish and petty, what the fuck did I even do to you?”

“ Well, clearly you like being on my path and I hate that.”

“ You’re acting as if I killed your puppy or something, grow up!”

Carlos dramatically rolled his eyes, sighing loudly to show his annoyance he snapped back, “ you’re stupid, aren’t you?”

“ That’s rich coming from you. You’re such a fake bitch for hating me but being good friend with Max.”

“ I’m not going to stop being friend with him because he started bringing you around, even if we’d do better without you there.”

You had heard enough and now, you couldn’t hold back all the frustration you kept for yourself anymore, “ first of all, fuck you and second of all, I hope you don’t get to finish sunday’s race!”

And with that, you stormed off, not without shoving Carlos on the side- he was truly an asshole yet you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him as much as he hated you and that even with all the awful names he had been called you.

You wondered for a while, as you headed to the Red Bull’s garage what you had done or said to be so hated by him. You had seen once or twice how he acted with everyone else- he seemed to be nice and even funny. You couldn’t get along with everyone no matter how hard you tried, so maybe ignoring him would be for the best.

And with what you had just said to him, you most likely would never get along with the driver. Of course, you didn’t wish any real harm to Carlos, you didn’t want him to have an accident where he would get injured, you just wanted his car to give up mid race, imagining how upset that would make him.

However, you didn’t actually think it would happen two days later, when you saw on the screens in the garage that one of the ferrari had stopped on the side of the track, while catching fire and the driver was still in the car, you felt incredibly guilty- you shouldn’t have wished that to him.

At that point, you weren’t even sure if it Carlos and not his teammate since you were still struggling with the numbers of each drivers but you quickly understood it was indeed Carlos, you honestly felt like it was maybe your fault for jinxing him on Friday.

The end of the race was a tie between Charles and your brother, during the last lap, you were sitting at the edge of your seat, hoping for a miracle as you heard Charles had a problem with his car. Once the checkered flag was out, you were disappointed to see Max get the second place even if it was still a good result.

As you were told to follow the team, you greeted Max and congratulated him for his second place. No matter how hectic the moment was, Max took a minute to hug you, “ I’ll see you after the podium? ”

“ Yeah of course, go enjoy your moment, I’m proud of you!”

Even if it was a happy moment, you couldn’t help but think about Carlos’ car catching fire, you wished you could tell him how sorry you were and that you regretted your words. But for now, you had to push those thoughts aside and follow the team to get closer to the podium.

As soon as Max was handed his trophy for his second place, you proudly clapped, smiling ear to ear at yet another accomplishment- maybe you were starting to enjoy this sport more than you’d like to admit.

While music was blasting, champagne bottles were opened and soon enough, the three men sharing the podium today were soaked in champagne. As you watched this happen, something, or rather someone, caught your attention from the corner of your eyes.

You noticed Carlos assisting at the podium from afar, while you knew he was solely there for his teammate and was most likely still upset for how the race ended for him, you felt brave enough to take this opportunity to apologize.

Squeezing yourself through everyone gathered at the podium, you made your way to the ferrari driver and quickly apologized before he would send you away, “ I’m sorry for what happened during the race, I didn’t actually want this to happen.”

“ Are you sure about that? I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you actually enjoyed the scene. ”

“ I didn’t enjoy one bit- that was scary, I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt in that car burning.”

“ Yeah, that wasn’t the most pleasant moment of my career.”

You sighed, closing your eyes for a second, trying to find the right words so this wouldn’t end up in yet another argument, “ look, I was angry because you called me a bitch and I don’t understand why you hate me so much without even knowing me. I didn’t think and said the first thing that came to my mind. I’m truly sorry.”

“ It wasn’t your fault, it’s just the engine who failed. Stuff like that happen sometimes.”

“ Okay,” the conversation fell flat right after, as you were unsure of what else could you say, he didn’t seem to be too upset against you which was good, you didn’t want to have this on your conscience, “ I know it’s not the right moment to ask this, but what did I do to you?”

“ You didn’t do anything to me, it’s not the problem- it’s the fact that Max never talked about you before and one day you show up and now you’re basically glued to him.”

“ What’s wrong with that? Wait,” you had just realized that he was thinking Max and you were together, “ you think I’m dating Max?”

“ Isn’t it the case?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at how uncalled for this assumption was, “ not at all, I’m his sister- well, step-sister but that’s the same to me.”

“ Oh,” you could tell how embarrassed Carlos was at that exact moment and it was quite funny, you couldn’t lie, “ I didn’t know Max had another sister, I’m sorry for assuming things.”

“ It’s pretty new for us too, we met a bit over two months ago and he invited me for the first time the friday we met to show me what was his life like.”

“ I hope my stupid comments didn’t ruin the experience too much for you.”

This time, you smiled at the driver, maybe he wasn’t as much of an asshole as you first thought. Shrugging, you replied, “ it’s fine, that didn’t ruin my weekends.”

“ That’s good to hear. Will you be there next time too?”

“ Unless Max suddenly doesn’t want me around anymore, I’ll be there- why?”

“ Well, I have a lot to make up for. I don’t want you to think I’m an asshole.”

You cocked your head on the side, clearly amused by Carlos’ words, “ I’m impatient to see how you’re planning on making up for it.”

“ You won’t be disappointed.”

“ We’ll see about that.”

———

Usually, you never joined Max on Thursday as it was only for press conferences and interviews- he didn’t want you to have to stay behind, waiting for him and get over-bored. Now that you were getting familiar with the Red Bull’s team and befriended some other people working for different teams, you didn’t mind having to stay behind and wait.

And that’s what you did today, you accompanied your brother and when it was his group’s turn at the press conference, you stayed behind, talking to a few people you knew and eventually found a nice and rather calm spot to wait.

As you were listening to your playlist while scrolling down on your social media feeds, you didn’t notice that Carlos was walking to you until he sat next to you, removing one of your earphone to get your attention, “ i didn’t know you’d be here today?”

Startled by the sudden apparition of the driver, you put your hand over your chest, “ oh my god, don’t ever scare me like that again!”

“ Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“ That’s okay but don’t do it again and yeah, I don’t usually come with Max on Thursday but I was in the mood to be the annoying sister today.”

Carlos laughed, handing you back your earphone, “ how long have you been sitting there?”

“ I don’t know, maybe half an hour- why?”

“ With this heat? Why don’t we go inside and grab a cold drink, you got to stay hydrated!”

Arching a brow quite amused at Carlos’ suggestion you replied, “ you know I can get a drink from the Red Bull’s facility, right?”

“ Yeah but ours, at Ferrari, are better!”

“ I’m pretty sure the drinks are the same, but I guess I have to check it out by myself now, uh?”

Carlos grinned from ear to ear at your answer, getting up, he offered his hand to help you, which you gladly took. You kept a pretty light conversation as you two headed to the Ferrari’s facility as you mostly talked about how he hoped the weekend would go for him and Charles.

You kept going until Carlos stopped you right before entering the building, confused you gave him a questioning glare, “ you can’t enter wearing a Red Bull cap!”

It was childish but you were nonetheless amused by Carlos’ words, you knew no one would say a word about you wearing the Red Bull cap Max offered you during the first racing weekend you attended, “ better? ”

Your friend remained silent for a couple of seconds until his eyes lit up as if he had gotten the brightest idea of the year. Before you could say or even realize anything, Carlos took his own cap and put it on your head, “ even better now!”

“ Are you trying to turn me into a Ferrari supporter?”

“ I wouldn’t dare!”

“ Yeah, because I’m not betraying my brother.”

“ Too bad, red suits you very well.”

You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed- you liked the color red and wearing it but you were too proud to say it to him. Instead, you cleared your throat, reminding Carlos why you were there, “ so, are we getting those drinks or not?”

“ Yeah, vamos.”

Following your friend inside the building belonging to his team, once you had acquired a drink you liked, you didn’t stay too long inside, only enough to cool down from the outside burning heat of the summer.

It was only mere seconds after you left Ferrari’s facility, still accompanied by Carlos, that your brother found you. The first thing he noticed was the unusual hat you were wearing, he feigned being hurt at the sigh, a hand clutching at his heart, “ i can’t believe I turn my back for an hour and you betray me like that.”

“ It’s not what it looks like Max, I swear.”

“ It’s okay, it’s okay- I knew it would eventually happen.”

You weren’t sure what your brother exactly meant by this, exchanging a look with Carlos, he simply shrugged, he was just as confused as you were, “ what?”

“ I meant you and Carlos? I mean come on, I knew from the beginning you would end together- enemies falling in love or whatever they call it.”

“ What? We- we’re not dating if that’s what you think!”

“ It’s cool if you guys want to keep it a secret, I won’t tell anybody.”

You rolled your eyes, not understanding how Max convinced himself that Carlos and you had been dating. You were about to tell Max to stop as there was nothing between Carlos and you, but your friend replied before you could, “ thanks bro, i was actually going to ask y/n where she wanted to go for our next date.”

“ Oh,” Max was just as speechless as you were, since when you had already went on a date with Carlos, “ my bad for interrupting then. I’ll let you guys be, i’ll be at the rbr’s garage but when you come back y/n, you’re forbidden from wearing any ferrari’s merch in our garage.”

You laughed a little, it didn’t even cross your mind to keep the cap on for this long and you surely didn’t want to make enemies for wearing a red hat, especially since you were still considered new around here.

By the next minute, Max was gone, leaving Carlos and you alone again. You felt a bit awkward as you asked him, “ why did you say that to Max?”

“ Because I meant it- I was really going to ask you if you wanted to go on a date with me, he seemed so convinced that we were already dating.”

“ Would you like that? For us to be together?”

“ Well yeah, I would. You know, I never hated you- I just hated that you were with Max, at least that what I believed. I thought I had no chance with you and I was a bit jealous.”

“ You should’ve just asked me straight away. Would’ve saved us some times and arguments.”

Carlos chuckled, agreeing with you, he added, “ you have no idea how much I regret being an asshole to you.”

“ It’s okay now that we sorted this out,” you smiled softly, glad that you had gotten to see this side of Carlos that you already liked so much, “ so, about that date?”

“ Yeah?”

“ When and where?”

He smiled ear to ear, realizing that you were in for a date with him, “ what about tonight? I’m pretty sure I spotted a restaurant near the hotel.”

“ Sounds great to me, I can’t wait for tonight.”

#carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz imagine #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #x reader #scuderia ferrari #request

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