#it was so good but FUCK it hurt
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nobody fucking talk to me, this ep just ruined my whole night
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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This small interaction in episode 2 will not leave my brain I need to dissect it and ramble or else I’ll pop
Frame of reference: this is where Aziraphale tells Crowley what drink he wants,
so he gets his attention while trying to spot somewhere to sit obviously not thinking to much of it (he also only turns twice in this moment to look at Crowley, having his main focus being on the seating- thats just Aziraphale for you though) but the way that Crowley looks back at him just makes him seem taken aback by the small gesture of physical touch. Not in a negative way, he doesn’t say anything and kinda just lingers for a moment looking and Aziraphale before getting their drinks. I don’t know how to explain it but this small moment along with details in body language from the whole series just makes these characters so fun to watch, even in the small things they can be so devastatingly human despite their denial,
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#?#aziraphale#crowley#they are so painfully in love but don’t realize that’s what it is#it hurts man#why can’t the old gay cosmic entities be happy#i’m so normal#I’m so fucking un-normal
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"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it."
"Why not?"
"Because it scared me."
#critical role#ygifs#cr3#fearne#she got me fucked up#her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left#leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind#because they weren't what she thought they were.#her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself#because she was sad and angry and alone#this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm#''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees#I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her#fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del-#fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me
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One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT#truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers#critical role#essek thelyss#cr meta#I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic#with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth#and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice#augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it
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day 200 of asking misha to put his hands around my neck and choke me lightly
#hi#hello#i decided to start a new thread because i CANNOT in GOOD CONSCIOUSNESS LET THIS GO#i worked SO hard#197 days!!!!! on getting this post#and i will NOT let myself be stopped by a tumblr glitch#EVER#sjonnie.text#the beginning of a new era!!!!!#today would've been day 200#TWO#HUNDRED#and since i know for a fucking fact i reblogged those posts!!!! i will continue;;;;#anyway#i am actually hurt that this happened :( but we're gonna keep going#momma didn't raise no fucking quitter#misha daily post
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listen so closely to me i think liliana temult is a fascinating character and she’s really fun to examine morally but also nothing will ever come fucking close catharsis-wise to watching ashton and orym fucking cross examine her ass in episode 92. the sexiest shit i’ve ever seen “your worst fear is probably my worst fear, and i think we just got a little sample (my worst fear came true because you weren’t fast enough, what will you do when it’s her head on the line?)” and “keep wrestling (you must bear the weight of their deaths on your conscience and know it will never be enough for what you took from me)” like holy SHIT you guys
#cr#cr3#cr spoilers#liliana temult#ashton greymoore#orym#like. imogen was 100% valid for telling them to step the fuck off but also i lowkey just wanna see them scream at her#ashton and orym buried their families because of people like this woman#they have both killed people like this woman. misguided and lost and selfish people. but people nonetheless#they have borne that blood on their hands and neither of them have stopped wrestling with it because they know how much it hurts#so for liliana to constantly play fast and loose with her only daughter. to leave her husband a husk of himself.#of course it strikes home for them. ashton was that kid. orym was that husband. different circumstances#but it stings all the same. it’s insane. it’s SO good though#ONCE AGAIN. IMOGEN IS SO FAIR FOR TELLING THEM TO PLEASE NOT PUSH HER MOM OFF THE CLIFF OF FULL VILLAINY AGAIN#but ooouhjhhggggh#roll history
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u guys keep forgetting they are bitchy. the divorce is not gonna look like crowley trashing the bookshop or anything like that but it is gonna look like crowley reserving all the tables at the ritz for the day he knows aziraphale is going to be in town. aziraphale ordering angels to make it cloudy during an eclipse. crowley starting a bidding war over a prophecy book aziraphale wants. aziraphale undoing crowley’s miracle block on parking ticket officials. crowley ordering a cleaning service to the bookshop. aziraphale putting crowley’s apartament on mormon missionary’s lists. crowley and aziraphale separately bitching about the other to any human they coming into contact with and then being shocked when the human asks how long they had been with their ex. both of them religiously checking each other’s locations.
#inshallah they will fuck ☝️ but it’s gonna be this for a while#also like Crowley is gonna burn the bookshop down BEEEE REAL!#he would never#they are going to try so hard to inconvenience each other in the pettiest way but not actually hurt each other#they will yell tho#good omens#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley#my post#good omens season 3
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Something about the fact that these shots are all grouped together, one after another, visually giving them equal weight just gets me. The narrative knows what's going to happen between JGY and Huaisang at this point, knows how it's going to treat JGY at the end of everything. And it still takes time to show Meng Yao instinctively and immediately going in front of Huaisang and Huaisang instinctively and immediately hiding behind him. It takes the time--literally, showed it in the background and focused on it with the same general amount of time as the other shots--to show that this act of protection and trust are just as real and true as Jiang Cheng defending his sister, as Wen Qing defending her younger brother.
Like, I dunno! There are other Nie juniors there! They have swords and shit! Huaisang could have gone and hid behind the wall, but he hid behind Meng Yao! And Meng Yao could have moved back with Huaisang, but he steps directly in front of him!
There's a lot CQL did to JGY's character and narrative that I don't like and that flatten or just straight up erase his full complexity. But I really appreciate the lengths that it went to in Episode 4 to explicitly tell us that he does not hesitate to protect Huaisang, even though at this point he does not have a sword and definitely does not have anywhere near the same cultivation power (if any) as any of the rest of the people in the room.
Right now, after being publicly humiliated, unarmed and definitely outclassed, he is brave. Along with the rest of the characters, he's allowed to be uncomplicatedly young and loyal and just as innocent as any of the other students there.
#Besides Wen Chao fuck u bud#Honestly I think that along with Xichen Huaisang is the other person he legitimately never considered hurting#(In the same way that he didn't consider killing Mingjue hurting them but I digress)#With Xichen I think there were plenty of times were he came to the conclusion that fucking him over or overtly manipulating him#in a disadvantageous way would benefit himself and he actively decided that he would not do that#Whereas with Huaisang I just get the impression that it never occurred to him to do that#And I'm not saying that was ALWAYS out of the goodness of his heart#I think he genuinely didn't think he would get anything out of taking advantage of Huaisang personally or politically#Which is not the most ringing of endorsement next to 'I knew I could and chose not to'#But it wasn't ALWAYS that#for a man who has to constantly be on guard and look for leverage in every single interaction and aspect of his life#I think it's pretty significant that he let Huaisang in so close that he was shocked when he found a metaphorical sword in his chest#along with the physical one#Because in never trying to hurt him he never felt he had to defend against him#He loved him. They both loved each other :(#Also him finding Huaisang's bird antics so genuinely amusing in the background of this ep is just 😭#jgy#nhs#my stuff#jgy meta#nhs meta#text
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Cinch had three charges in her care once, Celestia entrusted her with the day-to-day care of Prince Blueblood, the new Princess Cadence and her student Sunset Shimmer - running a kingdom is difficult enough alone without three young ponies to look after - so when Celestia is absent (often) that means Cinch was in charge of these three ponies. And while the matron of the castle was always rigid about rules and wanted her three charges to uphold her reputation and to build their own budding reputations high, she cared about them very much. You'd have to, spending your time with the same three young ponies for so long, guiding and teaching them to be their best...
By the time Ditzy came into the picture, Cinch was down to two charges. She refused to fail them the way she failed...
Well, with one down, there were two left and she cared so much she wouldn't let anyone ruin them, especially not themselves. Surely they would come to realize Cinch was only helping.
#my sketches#my little pony#mlp#equestria girls#eqg#sunset shimmer#abacus cinch#Princess Celestia#prince blueblood#ditzy doo#princess cadence#mlp fim#mlpfim#mlp g4#my little pony friendship is magic#swap six#side stars au#(Doubt anyone will read the tags but if you do some bonus lore:#Sunset leaving meant Celestia decided to take over caring for her new student completely to try and fix her mistakes#so that's why Twilight isn't Cinch's responsibility and why she doesn't care for that one and whatever happens to her#but if Cinch was in the picture for Twilight she would NOT approve of her actions#not morally speaking Cinch is pretty firmly amoral#but Twilight would probably be a humiliating blight on her already tenuous reputation#so y'know - that's why Cinch is bothered with Blueblood and Cadence but not Twily)#Cinch is not a good person and she will not be receiving a redemption once things fall apart - she definitely screwed up these kids#but she does legitimately care about them its just she is such a damaged old mare that her help hurts them more often - her redemption#if she gets one - will definitely be therapy or sumn...#(also sorry for the art absence losing a big platform depressed me and also I'm a busy person but fuck it we ball)
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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the power is on, the guillotine hums / my back's to the wall - go on, let it fall
#goodomensedit#goedit#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens spoilers#crowley#aziraphale#userbecca#ughmerlin#jameszmaguire#tusermyra#rs: hereditary enemies#edits#not going to lie lads i'm running out of coloring ideas#but when no one got me (especially the fonts) i know florence and hozier got me :)#the rituals are intricate. the magnetic pull they share is cosmic and it keeps fucking up their inner compass#their moral core is so intrinsically shaped by each other's influence that they can't seem to let it go even when it hurts!#i love pain and i love angst
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PLEASE MORE BUTTERFLY HOWDY CONTENT HES SO FUCKING SILLY
OKAY HERE'S A COMIC SHENANIGANS THING
#this looks best if you click through instead of scrolling#which is kind of stupid to say After The Post. but yk.#spent way too long on this. worth it tho#its always worth it For The Bit#and this was good practice! ty for the opportunity!#the version of butterfly!howdy i have in my head is. hes a lot. i love him <3#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#howdy pillar#yassified howdy <3#i am so so so soooo tempted to make a butterfly howdy tag just to compile it all#i love compiling things. i like having specific collections In One Uninterrupted Place#alright well my hand hurts and its 5 am so im gonna queue this and go sleepies#wait fuck whats in the queue for tomorrow. today.#hm... ok this is a sunday post then. tomorrow is Booked#yall get a brief break from the butterfly howdy shenanigans#*got. im speaking to future people from the past rn. wild. ty tumblr for allowing time travel#its a tangled mess of yarn anyways#i am once again So Tempted To Write For This#perhaps one day i will fulfill my dream of writing a fic about howdy chrysalizing. metamorphosizing. whatever#id make it slowburn laughingstock perhaps... Probably.... i care them too much not too....#something for future me to enjoy! as a treat <3
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hsr's a great game it's like "hey here's this guy who's a cyborg cowboy of all things isn't that fun. look at how wild and flamboyant and entertaining he is! an automatic censor was installed into his universal translator when he got his rockin robot bod so he can't swear anymore and this is especially funny in the cn and jp text of the game because his swears are replaced with things like sweetie, baby, and cutie."
"also his entire homeland was wiped out by the intergalactic capitalistic monolith that's been cruelly siphoning valuable resources from countless planets with little to absolutely no regard for the residents. they spared nothing once their boss gave them the go ahead to use military force. not even his baby daughter, who had just barely learned how to walk."
"he never got the chance to erect a grave for her. or the other loved ones he lost."
#it all hurts so badly dude#augh...aughhhhh this man.......#i wonder how much he knows about aventurine.#like does he know the significance of looping aventurine into his revenge plan against oswaldo versus any other stoneheart#topaz was still at the reverie iirc... is the reason he didn't corner her limited only to the fact that she was in the public lobby#does he Know. that oswaldo did the exact same thing to aventurine.#does he know he couldn't have found a more willing accomplice. does he know aventurine has been playing his own long game against oswaldo.#or does he assume the stonehearts all share diamond's shallow business and promotion motivated grudge against the monster#i am so curious about this#i'd say the hostility of his greeting indicates that he doesn't know what happened to aventurine but like#...😭 ? it seems like he kind of just says hello with his gun. so uh#not actually a good indicator of anything.#i hope they team up and fuck shit UP#i think they will. this IS the kind of opportunity aventurine has been waiting for#the story is going very interesting places rn. someone on that writing team has a very large bone to pick with capitalism LMFAO
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DC x DP Prompt *4*
Jason had been a little better recently. He had the pit better under control, even though it reared his head from time to time. But it was easier to talk with the bats... his family.
But B's staring was making his skin crawl. The big bad bat was staring him down for over ten minutes.
"What?!", his tone was harsher than he intended, but that wouldn't make him back down. The silence carried on for a few beats, before his fahter batman finally graced him with an answer.
"I spoke with Constantin... a while ago", it almost sounded like he wanted to talk emotions. Which could just mean something bad.
It took some moments before B continued. The emotional talk theory sounded more and more likely.
"There could be a way to help with the pit madness." - Bruce lifted his hand to stop any Protest from Jason - "I just want you to consider it. We won't do anything without your permission. It wouldn't even work without it. The entity is strong, but it is confirmed that it isn't a danger, as long as we treat this the right way", if he didn't know the old man any better, he would have thought that he was just as businesslike as always. But his jaw was clenched, his fingers kept twitching ever so slightly. His father Bruce was nervous.
And that was enough to reign the pit in, that kept whispering how they still didn't accept him. But that didn't mean he liked this idea.
So his answer was nothing more than a non committed grunt, before he swung on the back of his bike. The old man would be alright to wait for a bit.
.
.
.
It took months before Jason brought the conversation back up. The pit had been a bitch to reign in the last few weeks and today he felt at least somewhat like himself again.
They spoke just a little bit about what would need to happen, but Jason felt like his time was running thin. He didn't care all to much about the details at the moment.
Constantin was ordered to the cave and the summoning was prepared. No blood or sacrifice was needed, which made this magic bullshit at least a bit more tolerable.
Beside the Batman, Constantin and Red Hood was also Nightwing there. He didn't want any of his other siblings by his side. Not when he felt so easy to irritate.
The Magician began the ritual and in the circle formed a whirlpool of lazurus water. If Dick hadn't been standing behind him, he would have bolted.
But after just a few seconds emerged a white headed boy out of the pool. The portal closed and left a confused, floating boy behind.
But before Constantin or Batman could say a word, the green (Lazarus green!) eyes landed on him. The being gasped and flyed directly to him.
.
.
.
Danny had been minding his own business, free from rouges and king work for once. His finals stood right around the corner and he took the time off to learn.
But of course he had to be summoned in the only normal time he had. But since the energy felt familiar, he was to 90% sure that it should be sad trenchcoat man. So it should be important... hopefully.
As soon has he looked around he saw John and the Batman! But there was an energy that pulled his attention.
His eyes widened. This poor... Revenant? Halfa?? He wasn't sure, but! He was one of his people and it looked bad. And he seemed to be around his age, what made it so much worse.
Danny zoomed over to him, to have a better look. And that just made it worse.
"That looks bad... who did this to you?", he whisperd with a horrified glance at the chest of the other boy.
His core was slowly poisoned by his own ectoplasm and seemed like there was not much time left.
#skylers prompts#dcxdp#dpxdc#dcxdp prompt#dead on main#maybe#Diana helped Bruce with his speech#because he would have said something in a way to hurt Jason#he knew that#so he asked his one emotinal intelligent friend™#Danny is not amused about the situation#one of his people is slowly dying again!#Lazarus water is like a cancerous parasite#it eats away all the good ecto and twists ones obsession#till the ghostly host dies#Danny learned Ghost medicine from Frostbite#because he wants to be able to help Ellie and others#Jason will need a long time to recover#and it will hurt so fucking much#at it will be so much better if he gets healed#if it isn't already to late
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