PLEASE MORE BUTTERFLY HOWDY CONTENT HES SO FUCKING SILLY

OKAY HERE'S A COMIC SHENANIGANS THING

Pick-A -Pile: What will the rest of November be like for you?

Howdy there, folks! Sorry it’s been a while. But here I am! I have 3 new decks, so I wanted to use those. I have the Cosmic Tarot deck, which I’m excited to use because it’s from the 90′s. It’s also based somewhat off of old movie stars, too. It’s one of the most interesting decks I’ve seen just because of the interpretation the artist had on some cards, but I find that they’re fun to read intuitively. I also got the Light Seer’s Tarot from my best friend for my birthday. That one is fun because the artwork is beautiful and it’s got a lot of bright colors. The last is a new oracle deck I got called the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle, which is based around Halloween/Samhain. t’s very much Halloween/witch themed and has beautiful artwork and poetry on it. I also pulled moonology cards for each pile.

The question I asked for each pile was just what the rest of November will be like for you. I think it’s just better sometimes to let what needs to come through come through, and I have to say that there was a lot of healing and change that came through for each pile.

Here’s the piles to pick from:

So:

Pile 1 is the Opalite

Pile 2 is the Rose Quartz

Pile 3 is the Carnelian

I need to say that this is a general reading. It’s for a bunch of different people, so it’s not specific, nor does it mean it will resonate with you. If it doesn’t, I have a few other readings on my blog that aren’t time-specific and may give you insight. Otherwise, I may not be the reader for you. If you would like to reach out for a personal reading, my DM’s are always open and I will try to answer it ASAP. I recently got a cashapp, so if you’d like to tip (it’s not necessary), it’s $sarams.

SO. THAT BEING SAID ONTO THE READINGS:

Pile 1: Opalite

Cards:  strength, 6 of pentacles, the moon, 8 of wands, 5 of cups, page of pentacles, 2 of wands, banshee, new moon in sagittarius

There's one word that keeps showing up with these cards for me, and that's CHANGE. The Banshee warns of you blocking change. New Moon in Sag suggests you might change your mind on something. The strength card in this particular deck suggests the transformation of energy. So, the word for your November is Change and I think these cards are saying that there will be change for you, but how it goes, it's up to you. You're asked to get out there. And by that, I don't necessarily mean going out and about (especially for those that COVID is still around, be safe guys!). I mean whatever that means for you. So for some, you want to put something on the internet. For example, if you're thinking of starting a new blog or even a youtube channel, this spread is telling you to do that. There's a lot of pentacles and wands in this spread. That tells me there's a lot of creativity and abundance within this. I don't always mean material wealth, I mean whatever that could mean to you. This could be a passion project, that you work on for fun. Or it could actually be something you plan on trying to make money from.  This pile needs to realize their own power. The fact that the lady in the strength card is holding a tapestry with a lion on it furthers this idea for me. Lions in historical terms have always symbolized strength. I'm reading this as if she had the tapestry covering her whole body up, but she appears to be moving it away. I'm also assuming she's naked behind it, too, so it's like, stripping away a mask you might have had on. This idea that you were toning yourself down for everyone else, but now you're letting that fall away. You're being you, and unapologetically so.  You have a lot to share and a lot to give, and you're a little hesitant about this. Perhaps, in the past, you had things not go the way you wanted when you put yourself out there. But, this is telling you to forget that. A lot of you are changing or going through changes, whether it be inside or how things external to you. But, you're also denying these changes? Like, okay right now Make Way by the Front Bottoms is playing, and he sings "I make way for the expensive things in my head." You have dreams, but these dreams cannot come into actualization until you make room. The Banshee card can read as a warning, and I'll get to that later. In order for new things to come in, there needs to be room. This Banshee card hints that you're not allowing there to be room.  

As I was writing that I started to think about the 4 of pentacles from the Rider-Waite deck. On the card, he guy's hoarding the pentacle and the chest underneath him full of who knows what (knowledge? love? money?) but that card isn't present. But, my eyes were drawn to the 5 of cups where she's looking down into the hole that the cups are spilling into. It almost looks like a bit of her soul is spilling into it too. I read that as someone who poured a lot of effort into those cups, a lot of their soul too. But, in the end, it was all for naught. At least, that's how they see it. So they dump out all those cups and their soul goes with them. But, that's not what I mean by making room.  In this card, she's so focused on what's lost, rather than what could come in. Behind her, there's this path and wide-open space, and the stars are out. It's so beautiful but her backs to it. You need to be able to turn around and run into that unknown. The moon definitely supports that idea to me, also this 8 of wands. The moon in this reading, to me, is you embracing the unknown. Like, walking into the future despite it not having certainty yet. As unsure as you are about what tomorrow, next week, or even next year holds, you need to be able to crawl out of that pond like that lobster. He's kind of jumping out of that pond at the moon like "HERE I AM!" I also see him as reaching towards the moon that's made up of two fishes. So, almost like he's grabbing at them like a prize. So, I want to be cheesy and say REACH FOR THE SKY! And, I don't know. Perhaps a bit of corniness is needed in this moment for you? 8 of wands also gave me that feeling too. It's an image of a man jumping through the air with those 8 wands and he looks ABSOLUTELY THRILLED. These cards are telling you to be excited because when you reach out, good things reach for you if that makes sense.   Page of Pentacles and 2 of wands show me that there's something you are or will be working on that you want to share.  These also tell me it's something that you need to be practical about sharing. Like, the way you go about it. It's a bit like you need to make sure that when you jump through the air with those wands, you're calculating where you land. So, it's telling you to jump, but not to be The Fool about it. Don't jump without looking. But also, not to sit still like that girl in the 2 of wands. She's looking out the window wishing when she could be going. The 6 of pentacles tells me that whatever you share is going to be valuable. Usually, this card is about give and take. Or, about being compassionate and empathetic. Having what you need and sharing it too. It could also mean someone is helping you out. But, today I'm seeing this as you having something that would be valuable to others. So, maybe you want to make a fitness vlog or you have a large knowledge about rocks or something and you want to write blog posts about them. And, this specific version of the 6 of pentacles is that this man is standing under a crescent moon. It looks to me like it was recently a new moon, and I kind of see those pentacles as other phases of the moon. So, to me, it's like you manifesting. The act of placing an intention on what you want to do or achieve between the new and full moons. Like, this man is under this newer moon and he is manifesting what he wants. He's also excited about what's to come despite it being unknown. Those 8 wands are telling you to DO IT. START IT. You got New Moon in Sagittarius, which has the line "Luck is on your side" written on the card. In the moonology deck, I read this as the equivalence of the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. I mean, it even mentions the wheel in the guidebook. This card is telling you to GO! Do it! You've got luck on your side, but to also stay open-minded. I did mention that the Banshee does serve as a warning. The card's keywords are bad omens and wrath. I don't want this to scare you, rather, I want you to take this and hug it. I'm laughing at myself for that last part, but seriously. This card is, to me, just death reversed. When death is in reverse, you're denying a transformation that needs to happen. Even denying the ending of something. This is telling you that things are changing. They will not, cannot stay the same and that this warns you against denying this. Change can be so beautiful. Like, I mean, think about butterflies and the transformation they go through? You could have that! This change could be physical or mental or in your external world. Either way, if you're able to embrace this change with open arms, you'll find that there's a lot of joy that comes with this. I do have to say that there is the risk of you getting a bit of a big head. I want to tell you to stay level-headed about everything that comes your way. I also have to bring that 5 of cups back up along with the banshee. These suggest this idea that you're focused on mourning an ending, but that you should let it go. A part of me doesn't agree with that completely. There is a certain amount of need to allow these things to fall away and not to mourn forever. But also,  if you're still grieving it once those changes come in, that's okay. That whole, making way for the expensive things is something that one needs to do, but there's also this thought I have about making space...to just...allow things to be. Sitting with something. The song Unsaid Emily came on from Julie and the Phantoms. The story it tells is heartbreaking, and I found it fitting. The song is about regrets and wishing you could say something you never got to say. There's a part where he sings "If you could only know, I'd never let you go." This ties in because you can still have that past with you. You don't have to let it go completely, but there's also a point where wallowing in it doesn't help. So, it's like, this banshee/5 of cups combo is both a warning and the act of acceptance. Like, this acceptance that this happened. It's over, and we will have these thoughts on it for a while (they'll probably transform through time). But, they're there, and while we're embracing it we're also taking them and moving forward. It's this act of leaving it behind while simultaneously leaving room for it in your suitcase. All seriousness aside now, I think November is going to be good for you. I don't know if it's going to be super major in any way, but I know that it's going to at least be a stepping stone for the rest of your life. Maybe a lot of little things will happen that will only be worked into your memory years later as things that you can attribute to where you are. I just see joy and creativity in these cards and maybe hesitation, but its that hesitation before you jump and I see that when you land (in that calculated spot), you're going to be okay. And, honestly, I think right now, that's all we want to hear. Right? That we'll be okay? Songs:

Make Way - The Front Bottoms  Unsaid Emily - Julie and the Phantoms Soundtrack Makeup - Oberhofer

Pile 2: Rose Quartz

Cards: Queen of Swords, Two of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Temperance, 4 of Wands, King of Wands, Full Moon Eclipse, Wolf One thing that's coming through strongly is that you need to follow your intuition. In the song Wild Roses by Of Monsters and Men, there are the lyrics "I followed a feeling". Even more, in the song Don't Give Up Your Ghost by Movements, they talk about not letting your demons get the best of you. Not letting those dreams you had go. And so, you follow them and chase that feeling, whatever that means to you. The card Wolf's keywords are instinct and freedom. It's the last card of the Seasons of the Witch deck, and with it comes this sense of completion. The Full Moon Eclipse speaks of conclusions being within reach. These conclusions are doors that have closed. But with these cards, while I see contemplation in some (queen of swords, temperance, even King of Wands), I also see movement. In 4 of Wands, they're dancing. In King of Wands, he does look stationary, but he also looks as if he's going to step forward at any moment. In two of pentacles, he's trying to keep his balance, but it looks like he's also trying to move forward too. So, there's a sense of forward movement, but with it comes this act of never looking back. There's a chance you'll face a decision in November. With the Queen of Swords and Temperance, you're asked to stop for a moment and be logical. To balance out the practicalities and the emotions. But, with it comes a beginning, one that can prove to be very fulfilling to you. There's a chance that this leads to a celebration, as well. Either way, you're asked to weigh the options while also keeping in mind that whatever you're leaving behind stays behind you. The last pile was also about moving forward and change. But, it was also a gentle reminder to hold your values and memories close to your heart. Whereas, with this pile, you need to hold those values and memories, but not as closely. At a distance where you can see them to keep perspective, but far enough away that they're not pulling you back to that door. And, by the way, that door will be locked. I don't know what this could be that you can't go back on. I mean, I guess it's like something that you just can't relive. Maybe it's that thing where nothing's ever the same again. Either way, it's like this spread is begging you to move forward. Ah! The song that came on is Kill My Time by 5 seconds of summer. There's a line, "Why don't you just say goodbye now. It's only a matter of time," which goes perfectly with what I just said. It's like, whatever is reaching it's conclusion. It's as if you've ridden that wave and you're at the end of it. You've run out of a wave to ride, so it's time to find another. On the wolf card, it says "Run wildy into the freedom of your knowing", so 1. definitely feeling the moon card here. But also 2. you're released from whatever is concluding. Also, the moon, it's about mysteries and the unknown and in the last pile they got it and it was telling them to jump into the unknown. I see that you guys are asked to jump into the unknown as well. Though something tells me that you guys have a bit more of an idea of what's going on. The queen of swords looks like she knows and that wolf howling at the moon knows something too. There's this feeling of the unknown but also knowing the unknown here. But, then with this unknown/decision you might have to make, you're reminded to keep balanced. In the temperance card, he's holding the moon in one hand and the sun in another. So, it's like night and day. I think that's suggesting this need for a schedule. Like, maybe a set bedtime? You guys could possibly be more of the night owl type. I guess, in that case, it's just a reminder to get an adequate amount of sleep. So, still setting a set time for sleep and a set time for waking up. Also, it's telling you to take care of yourself overall. The two of pentacles also brings that idea of balance because I mean, this card is about keeping up with everything. It's like, having two things and being able to balance them. Some of the versions of this make it seem like it's time to focus on one and stop trying to do both. In this deck, because the act of balancing is actually his body trying not to fall in the water, I see that this balance of keeping up different things at once is essential. So, say you're in school but you're also working. You're asked to keep up the hard work in both your school work and work-work, while also taking care of yourself. Assuring that you don't fall into the water. On the 2 of pentacles here, the pentacles are on his shirt. He already has these pentacles and I don't see him losing them. Unless he discards the shirt, so it's like unless you actually quit your job or school, you can't really lose them. You can lose the quality, but not the actual pentacle. My favorite thing about the Light Seer's Tarot is that each card has an affirmation. These sum up the card as a whole. Despite the 2 of pentacles being from the Cosmic Tarot, I think the affirmation is particularly noteworthy here: "I create an equilibrium in my life that allows me to be my best self." So, for November I see you going through a door that will close. This door is meant to be closed, but it doesn't mean it can't have a window you can peer into once and a while. You're just not meant to go back through it. Instead, you're meant to step forward into your future. I see that this is going to be abundant. You're asked to remember to follow your gut instincts, but also to keep balanced. To be honest, kind of like the crystal you chose, I just feel a lot of love. And I'm not really reading that as love from someone else (I mean, yes, there could very well be that), instead, I'm reading it as you just radiating love. So, I could say...November sounds lovely for you...lol  Songs: Wild Roses - Of Monsters and Men Don’t Give Up Your Ghost - Movements Kill My Time - 5 Seconds of Summer Group 3: Carnelian

Cards: The Empress, The Lovers, Death, Queen of Swords, the Sun, 7 of Pentacles, New Moon in Virgo, Blue Moon, Journey Okay, I'm a little weirded out by the whole shuffling process. Several things happened that were kind of...Oof. First I kept seeing the Queen of Swords and was thinking "I bet that's gonna come out somewhere" and it DID. Then I saw that your Seasons of the Witch card was 24, which adds to 6, which in tarot is the lovers. I've read that 6s can mean journeys too. Well, THEN the lovers came out. Bottom deck energy for the Seasons of the witch is the All Hallow's Eve card. This made me wonder if your "journey" started on Halloween. Well, guys, then the Blue Moon card fell out, and that full moon on Halloween was a blue moon. Granted, all of these are coincidental, but it's just funny how those things work out. If you think something shifted for you on Halloween, then you're correct with thinking that. For some, it's with a love connection. For others, it was you just being able to figure out a little better on where you want to go in life, or where you're headed. So, jumping in, I want to focus on the Empress card first. I love this version because she looks so much more comfortable to me than any of the other empress cards I've seen. She looks relaxed like she has everything she needs. And, I do think one could say materially she has what she needs, but she also looks like she provided it for herself. Nothing on this card suggests it other than her face. She just looks sure of herself. Moving on to the Queen of Swords, while I get a colder energy from her, she also looks kind of similar. She's not in the same posture completely. Her posture could even be argued as not looking very relaxed, but her face makes it look like she's relaxed. She looks like she's content with where she sits. She's looking off into the sky, like, though she's content with where she's at, she's also looking for something. Maybe she's searching in her own brain or scanning the world off of where the card cuts us off from what she sees. They both have their hands to their chins, one seems more sure of herself, but the other still seems sure. So, what I take away from these two cards right away is that you know yourself. Maybe you're saying, "But Sara, I'm only just figuring out who I am?" And, yeah. So am I. Life is this process where we're constantly evolving. One week you have one belief, and the next that could have changed because you've learned 100 new things. You have both the Death and the Journey card. With the lovers and these two other cards, this is saying to me that you are changing. Nothing will be the same next week and nothing will be the same the week after, but you understand your goals and your values and at the end of the day, you're still you. I almost feel that I need to stop and reassure this pile that you're still you. Maybe you've been looking in the mirror lately and not recognizing yourself. Maybe people have been saying things like "I don't know you anymore", but you're still you! YOU ARE STILL YOU! And, this is also telling you to stop, take stock of who you are at this very moment. Be sure of it. That sounds hard to me, so I can understand if you think it does too. But there are things we're sure of. Like your values. Your sense of right and wrong. Hell, the music genre you gravitate towards the most. Those are you and you alone. So, take a moment, take a breath, and think about yourself.  Now, I want you to take another moment to just love yourself. No if, ands, or buts. I mean, it. Stop and say to yourself "I love me." And I need you do to it with kindness. Forget the person you flipped off while driving yesterday. Forget that last mean thing you said to someone. Forget that bad grade you got when you were 13 because you were too focused on that band that came to town. Forget it all for a second and take this time to just breathe in and love yourself for who you are in the moment. Okay. Now that that's done. Onto what's coming. Well, like the other two piles change. Everyone today seems to be going through changes. Though, it's different for everyone. Pile one was asked to take a calculated risk, but still go for it. Pile two was asked to move forward and to not move backwards. You're asked to move forward gently. And I don't mean cautiously, though with New Moon in Virgo, I'd say there is some calculation needed here. But, I still don't mean cautiously. I mean, with love. With kindness. With you being the best that you can be to others and yourself. Something is just telling me that someone reading this is really upset with themselves, and I just want you to know that while you're still you and there are some of those core things that you still have, you're also not the same person you were yesterday or 5 hours ago, and that's okay. That's life. And you need to understand that we all fuck up and we all say things we don't mean sometimes, but that doesn't set anything in stone. That doesn't define you as a horrible person. Shit happens and sometimes that shit happens because we did it. But? I still love you and you should still love you too. The more you stop to love yourself and be kind to yourself, the more you're going to discover about yourself. And while you're discovering yourself, there's a need to look ahead while simultaneously staying present. On the Death card, there's a clock stuck in the ground, frozen. I almost want to say to you that time doesn't matter. I mean, yes if you have a shift that starts at 10, by all means, go to it on time. But, in the grand scheme of things, time doesn't matter, and for you, it means that your path is not linear, nor does it have a set schedule. God, I cannot believe I'm doing this, but I had a manager that I have to quote. He once said to me that he didn't believe in time. As a history major, that confused me to no end. Like, I got where he was coming from, but my whole life consists of time time time. I thought in dates. I know dates well and dates are time. But now I kind of see it. It's this idea that life isn't time, it's lessons. Does that make sense? And, I think that's what he meant, lol. He also tended to be really cryptic so, I could be totally wrong, but this is what I'm taking from the whole thing. The Journey card from the Seasons of the Witch deck says something along the same vein to me: "Daughters of our Mother, walkers of the unknown, take with you on this journey all that you hone." So, all we need is to live and take those lessons with us as we live. And, the Virgo card also reminds me of Virgos in general. They're known to be super analytical, so there's this thought that while you need to take lessons at their face value, you also need to dive into them too. It's like reading a book by its cover. There are things to take from that cover, like how the title font presents itself to you and what the illustration/picture is, but then there's also the content inside the book. Both the cover and the content matter. Don't judge a book by its cover, but also take in what's presented to you. The seven of pentacles always means have patience whenever I pull it for myself, so I read it that way for you too. There is no set schedule (like that whole time thing, right? it's nonexistent) and that might make you antsy. But, what good does that do? You could be chilling like the Empress. Or, you could be sitting and watching that cucumber you planted last week sprout, despite knowing that it's still going to take time. One definitely sounds more relaxing. 7 of Pentacles suggests this patience because it takes more than a week for a good thing to grow, you know? And, I mean, yeah you can make things in a day, but there's that saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day."  Rome was built over a VERY long period of time, going through different types of governments and it switched around between paganism and Christianity. There were a lot of changes within that long period of time. I know I went on a rant earlier about time and how it's nonexistent, and blah blah blah. However, there's also this idea that even though you need to not be focusing on time, you also need to know that for things that are quality, it takes time. Like, time and effort. No half-assed shit, right? But, I mean that in a loving way. And, this, by all means, is about you changing. So, this is something that is going to take time to hone in on. Something that's going to take finesse. It's going to take experience and love. That may be something hard to hear. Trust me, I know this. Depression is a beast and I know how that and other mental illness can really fuck with you and your perception of the world and of yourself. But, both 7 of Pentacles and New Moon in Virgo suggest taking a moment and looking at where you are and where you're going. So, again, that idea of staying present while also moving forward. But, also being analytical (but not OVER analytical). And while you're looking at where you are, there's a need to stop and be okay with where you're at, too. This is especially for my buds who are having a hard time mentally. I know that when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to get out of the fog. That some days, or even weeks, you end it with tears and it's hard to stay motivated to do anything. With me, it's a bad cycle where I lack that motivation, but to feel worthy I need to be working. It's a cruel thing that I do to myself, because my worth is not within my productivity, and I think as a society that's something (at least for all my American friends) we need to remember. There are days when the only thing you do is just getting out of bed to get food and honestly, that's better than nothing. So, it's taking stock of the things, little and big, that you accomplish. Which, that definitely adds to that idea that time for you is not linear and that it's going to take you more time to do things other people can get done in a week or two. But, then on the flip-side, there are other things that will take you less time than it would for someone else. Nothing's linear and no one's the same. No one's path is a duplicate of someone else's journey. Harry Style's song, Golden came on. There's that line where he says "You're so golden", and I think you need to hear that right now. It definitely makes me think of the Sun card, which you got. It's this card of immense happiness. Abundance. It's a beautiful card and in this deck, it's bright, super bright. So, yeah. I'd say you're so golden. And I think this is more a matter of you being the sun like you need to stop and see yourself as that. Maybe you're someone that gives so much to others but not yourself. Honestly, from what I was getting earlier I can see that. So, maybe circling back to how relaxed both the Empress and the Queen of Swords look, maybe this is a message to you to relax? Relaxing and maybe taking stock of those lessons that have been presented to you. There's also a need to take care of yourself with the New Moon in Virgo. It just suggests eating healthier and what-not, so I'd add that to the relaxation. Like, relax and take care of yourself. And, gosh, again, I gotta bring up depression because it's really simple for me to be like "HEY YOU! Take care of your body!" but, I know what it's like to not want to exist. So, if that's the case, I want you to take it day by day, breath by breath. Start out small, get a glass of water, take some deep breaths. Do something that makes you feel good (that's also not detrimental to your health). I also think you're asked to believe that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish. It's like, you can achieve so much, but you also have to make sure that you're taking care of yourself on your way. So while there could be obstacles outside of you, you're your biggest obstacle. One thing I should note is that you got the Blue Moon card. This suggests that you may get an opportunity of some sort that's rare. Now, this could mean a lot of things with these other cards. One I can see is travel with the journey card. I see it more as outside into nature really, with the colors from the Virgo card and the forest on the Blue Moon card. Like, a camping trip? Honestly, right now I'd give anything to go camping, so if you go, send me pictures! Another for someone is maybe meeting someone you click well with, whether it be platonically or romantically with the Lovers. If that's the case, I see this relationship being really good, like nurturing and abundant. Full of joy and good times. Another is maybe just a chance to just take a step back and rest with both the Empress and the Queen of swords. Either way, I see this as being something that you consider to be good. It will also transform you in some way, more than how you're changing now. I can't really get into more because it just feels like this is super general because I feel like a lot of you are choosing this pile. I do suggest that if you felt called to the other two piles, I'd go look at them since they're all about change too. The bottom of one of the decks is the Star, so I see that there is a hopeful energy to this and that whatever is going to happen, you're going to start feeling more hopeful. But also, promise me you'll be kind to yourselves?   Music:

Golden - Harry Styles Was It Something I Said? - Mykey

I’ll Be Home For Christmas (Bucky x Reader

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,897

Warnings: None

A/N: Just a bit of Christmas fluff that I wanted to write. Since I was away from home last Christmas, and barely got home in time for Christmas this year, that’s where the idea came from. I’m a little out of practice after a year and a half, but I hope you enjoy it! Part two will be up in a couple of days!! (Italics are the lyrics - Josh Groban’s version of the title, bold are the memories) GIF is not mine

I am dreaming tonight of a place I love

Even more than I usually do

Bruised, battered, and bleeding, I sank back into the metal bench that passed for a bed in my small cell. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and I was a long ways from home. As I closed my eyes, I could see the day before I left on this mission.

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas in the tower. We were standing around the Christmas tree we'd just decorated - warm, bright lights shone around the room and reflected off the variety of ornaments. The whole room looked cheerier with the wreaths, garlands, tinsel, and lights bringing in the spirit of the songs we'd been listening to for the past hours.

"Looks good, doll," I could hear the smile in Bucky's voice as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"Well, a certain someone with an eye for art helped out!" I responded, leaning back in his arms to rest against his broad chest. He chuckled at that, a sound I loved to hear. Since first arriving at the tower, he had come so far, and the sound of his laughter brightened my days.

"I know, I'm just the best helper. No autographs today please, " Tony called out, eliciting a merry laugh from the team and reminding us that we were not alone in the room.

"And you mentioned there were gonna be cookies?" Tony asked pointedly as the laughter died down. "That's why I'm here!" He was only half joking.

"Yes, I'll get those. Can't leave the resident 5 year old without his reward for helping," I chuckled, twisting out of Bucky's arms. He let out the tiniest noise of disappointment as I headed toward the kitchen, but I heard his footsteps following me. I started putting cookies on a plate to bring out, but was stopped when two hands on my waist turned me around to face a pair of warm, smiling, blue eyes that matched the grin Bucky wore.

"Cookie?" I asked brightly, already knowing what he really wanted.

"I think I need something a little sweeter than that today," he grinned, leaning a little closer as my hands moved instinctively to cradle his face.

"Mmmm? What do you recommend, then?" His nose brushed past mine and his soft lips touched mine briefly, far too briefly.

"Well, I hear you're quite sweet, sugar." I could feel the words more than I heard them, and I grinned into the gentle kiss. His arms drew me closer and we were soon lost in the moment, wrapped in each other's warmth.

That warmth was far away now, as I sat shivering in the cell. As the memory passed, I felt the empty pangs of a deep longing for home. I missed home, I missed Bucky, and I missed my family.

And although I know it's a long road back, I promise you

"Don't go," he said after a long moment in each other's arms, his eyes pleading along with the words. They held none of the merriment from just moments ago.

"It's not up to me, Buck," I replied. "Fury didn't ask if I wanted to go - he just told me when I was leaving... And someone's gotta do it, I suppose."

"That's no fair! You'll miss Christmas!" He protested faintly, already knowing there was nothing we could do.

"I know, Buck..." There was a long moment of quiet between us before Bucky spoke up again.

"Promise me you'll be back for Christmas?" His blue eyes pled with me.

"I don't know if I can keep that promise - he said it could take up to a month, remember?" His shoulders slumped at that, but he knew I was right. "I'll do my best, though?" At that idea, he brightened slightly, though we both knew the chances of me being in time were slim to none.

"Yeah... I'll miss you..." His words were soft, almost as if he believed that by not speaking them we could avoid the reality of this mission, as we had been trying to do for the past week.

"I'll miss you too," I murmured gently, leaning back up to kiss him again.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Tony called as he poked his head into the kitchen. "Cookies?"

Now, with really only one day left, it didn't look like I would make it home in time for Christmas. I had planned the whole thing out, and would have been on my way home tomorrow, but Director Fury had a different plan. Mine was better, though - it didn't involve me basically handing myself in and then sitting in a cold cell for days on end.

Somehow, he wanted me to figure out the code to get into this base for an attack at a later time. To me, this didn't seem like the best way to get it, but unfortunately he had dropped me into the situation without another option.

The worst part was that I had already figured out how to escape (admittedly, Nick had helped), but I couldn't go yet. To say that it was frustrating would be a major understatement.

I'll be home for christmas

You can count on me

Please have snow and mistletoe

And presents on the tree

As had happened countless times in the past few days, my mind turned over the challenge I had been presented with. The sooner I figured it out, the sooner I could start out for home. I couldn't just ask them - either they would lie or after telling me they would go change the code. I knew that there was a new guard on the squad and that they were telling him the pass code a few times a day to help him learn it. Now, I just had to hear them do it and identify the code.

I was so close! Unbidden, a memory of my first kiss with Bucky jumped into the forefront of my mind.

I was in the kitchen, pulling a fresh batch of cookies from the oven. Somehow I'd been appointed as the resident baker of the Avengers, which was mostly fine with me - baking was a good way to take the edge off after a mission. The problem was that I was a major stress-eater and being in the kitchen gave me more access to sweets

"Smells good in here, doll." Turning to set the cookies down, I caught sight of his smile out of the corner of my eye. That bright smile had become more apparent over the last few months - something I'd been working for since he'd come to join us. Now, it was a sight that frequently warmed my heart and brightened my days. Lately, it seemed to also start butterflies in my stomach. "See something you like?" His question caught me off guard and I realized I had been staring.

"Just lost in thought," I shrugged and could feel my cheeks warming.

"Thinking about what?"

"How much you've been smiling lately. You've got the brightest smile." I didn't even realize the last part had slipped out of my mouth until I saw his cheeks redden slightly, but the grin grew even wider. I was so close to telling him that I'd fallen for him. If only he could fall for me too...

"I've got a lot to smile about," he replied easily. "Anyways, I was coming to see if you wanted to watch a movie with me?"

"Sure! I've even got some cookies we can snack on!"

"Perfect!" We walked together, and the little bit of space between us was almost too much. So close, and yet so far at the same time.

"Hey, look up!" Nat called as we entered the room together. When we did, you couldn't fail to notice the mistletoe hanging in the doorway. "You know the rules! Stop tiptoeing around each other, you two!"

"What does she mean by that?" I looked up at Bucky in confusion. The way she said it implied that maybe it wasn't as one-sided as I had thought...

"Wait, do you...?" Bucky seemed as confused as I was.

"You do too?" That was the most coherent sentence I could form as a shy smile crept onto my face, and it was definitely a good thing that Nat snuck in and took the plate of cookies from me.

"Yeah," he breathed out. His blue eyes were softer than I'd ever seen them and almost instinctively my arms wound around him. He wasn't far behind, pulling me impossibly close to him and there was an almost magnetic draw between us.

We met in a kiss, and he was more irresistible than I had imagined. His arms were home, strong and safe, and his lips on mine turned butterflies into fireworks.

Thinking back to that day, I smiled as I realized we had both been so blind to what was right in front of us. Then it hit me! I needed to look at what was directly in front of me.

Looking beyond my cell bars, I noticed that the newbie guard was coming down the hall, likely to replace the guard currently outside my cell. Huh. Usually applications of ideas don't work out quite so immediately, but I'll take it.

"Howdy, friend," the newbie greeted the other guard.

"You surviving this whale of a storm alright?" I picked up on that phrase - it wasn't exactly a common one.

"Pretty well, thanks." then the other guard left and the newbie took his spot. My head was bowed, as though deep in thought, but what they couldn't see was the beginnings of a wolfish grin. Now I just needed my hypothesis confirmed.

Christmas Eve will find you

Where the love-light gleams

I'll be home for christmas

If only in my dreams

Now, it was Christmas Eve, and my hopes of making it home for Christmas had increased exponentially with that discovery. In my head, I planned out how much time I had, factoring in that my escape would take at least an hour to double check the pass code, and then the several hour flight back home. Briefly the thought crossed my mind of the potentially fatal consequences of not having the right pass code, but I forced the thought from my mind.

"Howdy there!" I heard the new guard say brightly, and I looked up to see two guards coming down the hall.

"Hey, kid! Have you heard Mark's whale of a tale yet?" And just like that, the code was confirmed and I knew freedom was within reach.

"Can't say I have."

"I'll have to tell it to you later," the other guard said. "But for now, we need to take this one - boss is letting us have some fun for Christmas Eve if you want to come."

Not even the beatings and torture that followed could dampen my spirits. Sure, I felt the fiery pain as they tried to determine where I had come from and all the standard interrogation questions, but my mind was turned to home.

They returned me to my cell and left me to 'sulk and nurse my wounds' as they described it, which they normally did after torturing me. This time, however, there was nothing holding me back from making my escape.

I was on my way home.

If only in my dreams

PART 2 IS HERE

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