#its always worth it For The Bit
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PLEASE MORE BUTTERFLY HOWDY CONTENT HES SO FUCKING SILLY
OKAY HERE'S A COMIC SHENANIGANS THING
#this looks best if you click through instead of scrolling#which is kind of stupid to say After The Post. but yk.#spent way too long on this. worth it tho#its always worth it For The Bit#and this was good practice! ty for the opportunity!#the version of butterfly!howdy i have in my head is. hes a lot. i love him <3#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#howdy pillar#yassified howdy <3#i am so so so soooo tempted to make a butterfly howdy tag just to compile it all#i love compiling things. i like having specific collections In One Uninterrupted Place#alright well my hand hurts and its 5 am so im gonna queue this and go sleepies#wait fuck whats in the queue for tomorrow. today.#hm... ok this is a sunday post then. tomorrow is Booked#yall get a brief break from the butterfly howdy shenanigans#*got. im speaking to future people from the past rn. wild. ty tumblr for allowing time travel#its a tangled mess of yarn anyways#i am once again So Tempted To Write For This#perhaps one day i will fulfill my dream of writing a fic about howdy chrysalizing. metamorphosizing. whatever#id make it slowburn laughingstock perhaps... Probably.... i care them too much not too....#something for future me to enjoy! as a treat <3
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Redraw of my first post on this blog. Oh how far we've come B'*)
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Credit where it's due: the first one is from November 2022. So its been a bit longer than the post date implies.#It was always part of the plan to re-draw my first wangxian art at the end of each season#but wow I really didn't give enough credit to the power of drawing every day for the last half a year#I've really loved doing this B*) I have found so much confidence in accepting the fact I'm not a 'non-artist' drawing mdzs comics#I'm a REAL artist drawing mdzs#and this is just the start!!!! I will keep drawing and improving and learning! and I will have a big smile like this every time -> B*)#I'm stunned that so many people found this blog so early on. Despite the roughness of my art...yall saw what I struggled to see#which was someone who was worth it#That and how art really is what you decide it is. I thought It had to be perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. I see that now#I love you all so much! I am so much happier than I have been in years!#Sorry for being sappy twice in a row I promise tomorrow I'll be your little jester again
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do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up
i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.
she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.
never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-
i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:
okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.
the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page
she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later
so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions
"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"
"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"
Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.
I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.
On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.
Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.
And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.
Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.
Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it
and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks
And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.
(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)
The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.
And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)
I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.
and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured
In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.
(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)
#asks#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#marcille donato#manga panel analysis#this is probably riddled with typos sorry#readmore cut bc it got long lmao#i ended up babbling about it bc it's such an important character detail to me#bc like... wow. she's so normal about it. she's literally just chilling.#the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her#the stereotypes the stigma etc. etc.#otherwise it just..#literally doesn't factor into her criteria for self-worth at all#the basic truth is that marcille likes herself on a fundamental level#she's not plagued by a deep and festering self-loathing the way a lot of characters in her archetype are#she likes herself and is proud of her successes and accomplishments#its just that shes terrified of failure and can have *episodes* of self-loathing when she fucks up#but who doesn't yknow#i know its a very slight nuance that makes very little difference in how her 'overachiever' problems manifest but its there#the sword of abandonment issues that hangs over her head has nothing to do with her self-worth or self-esteem or meeting her own standards#it has to do with the fear of not living up to *other* people's expectations and not being useful enough to be worth keeping around#she's good enough for herself but she's always so so so scared that she's not good enough for other people#i wont say much about what ryoko kui is saying using this as an allegory for real world racial biases but#dungeon meshi's treatment of marcille's relationship with her being half-elf is so incredibly important to me because it gets it so right.#a trauma about inferiority or being a half-being isn't inherent to the experience of being 'of two worlds' at all#that's something that's unfairly drilled into people by their environment#the *inherent* anguish is the loneliness. the constant longing. the fact that you are always homesick no matter where you are#always just a little bit of an outsider and never fully at home#and dungeon meshi gets that.#edit: cleaned it up a little
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I bought a chest freezer recently so I can finally indulge my grandma instincts of Make An Unreasonable Amount Of Food For Not Much Money And Eat Of It For Months
Today I bought two rotisserie chickens and made SIX large chicken pot pies (9" pie tins), used the leftover carcasses and have chicken stock going in the slow cooker, with enough leftover chicken meat and veg to make chicken rice soup tomorrow for DnD and probably have quite a bit to freeze as well.
#totaled up everything cost abt $35-40#including the foil pie tins because i did NOT have that many glass ones#which? for that much GOOD food? im quite proud#coulda done it for less if i hadnt used instant mashed potatoes but it saved enough hassle to be worth it#my family always made pot pie to use up leftovers from a Big Chicken Dinner#bottom 'crust' was mashed potatoes#middle filling was chicken bits and whatever veg we had mixed into the gravy#one crust on top#mom ALWAYS made her crusts by hand#but i decided to just use store bought ones#ive missed pot pie#but my teeny tiny freezers have never allowed for it really#because its most efficient when done in a Fuckoff Huge Batch#and my tiny amount of freezer and fridge space never made it worthwhile before
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i need a drawfee archive that's got every stupid funny moment documented in chronological, alphabetized order for when i spontaneously remember a really obscure bit that i need to find or else i'll explode. i need to be able to type an extremely vague description in a search bar and have it understand me completely.
#slight tangent but a part of me wants to learn how to edit comps just so i can make one of all their parody song bits#theyre so dumb and they bring me such joy#you could prolly get a 20 minute video thats JUST mr brightside references lol#anyway for context#i had a memory of someone drawing the same image twice pop into my head with no prompting whatsoever#all i could remember was that the colors were funky and the images were droopy?? and im 93% sure it was jacob#and it was too off the rails for me to easily link it to a specific challenge or thumbnail#all i knew is that it felt kinda recent so i spent like 20 minutes scrolling the timeline of every video starting 9 months ago#and i did find it! much easier to find when its within a year thank god. its from 'making art out of our worst spam emails'#specifically jacobs section. and id say the 20 minutes was worth it. the duplication and immediate fade in of the render will always send m#so ye go watch it if youve got nothing else to do. help me justify the time cost lol#drawfee#sea rambles
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Going to stay,
Are you going to stay?
Can you stay here in the moment?
We've only got a moment.
#mine#my art#jjba#stone ocean#stone ocean spoilers#jjba spoilers#jotaro#jolyne#uhm. hi.#EEUUIIIHHHH THIS TOOK A BIT. BUT IM REALLY PROUD OF IT.#working it over came on shuffle while i was drawing this and good LIRD . so i had to make it the caption.#they make me ill. imagine your dad. who has beem gone most of your life. shows up to break you out of jail.#you hate it at first and you hate him. but then in his weakest place. where he has nothing he says that he always cherished and loved you#then you realize that its worth it to fight through it all JUST so you and your dad can live a normal life. together after everything.#uuggagggggghhhhhhoouyquijhggghh
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I think a lot of people are frustrated sometimes when somebody expresses that therapy just "doesn't work" for them, and I used to feel that way, too, until I realized that the therapy that I was doing just wasn't right for me.
When people think therapy, I think many just assume it's all cognitive behavioural therapy and that that is the only kind of therapy out there. However, this isn't true, and CBT can absolutely be ineffective for certain situations. If you are confused by this idea, here's an example: when I was in the midst of my most recent abusive circumstance, not only was my therapy weaponized against me by my abuser, but also, the therapists I had were ill-prepared to treat ongoing abuse. They had the tools common for CBT, but there is only so much a victim can do before their circumstances are completely out of their control. In a case like this, CBT can be an unhelpful tool alone, which is why you have people who blanket statement say that all therapy is unhelpful (understandable why one would say that if they haven't had any helpful/good experiences).
It seems like people see this idea that "therapy doesn't work" as an automatic red flag, and certainly, I can imagine why one would think that. However, in a healthcare system that generally prioritizes CBT therapy as the "only therapy," it's helpful to remember that CBT isn't always the best option or the best option alone.
#mental health#mental health support#abuse#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#i just think it's best to not assume that people say this because they 'dont try'#i've had a decade's worth of CBT before i had to stop and it wasn't very helpful and i tried!#it's just that CBT doesn't 'need' to be specialized which means it tends to be cheaper than specialists#it's just really frustrating to navigate these spaces as somebody who's 'failed' CBT therapy#i think this therapy absolutely has its place and i think you can do cbt alongside specialized therapies#but i don't always think cbt alone is right for everybody - it wasn't right at all for me#and if i go to therapy again i'll probably explore alternatives or specialized therapy alongsode cbt#but that's probably if i get lucky#obligatory i am not a professional; i have just been a patient for a decade+ and speak with that experience in mind#actually the more i think about it the more fucked up it was that my abuser used therapy against me i never really thought about it as a kid#kept this one in the drafts for a bit but fuck it we ball
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when u gotta get up early after a long grueling night of superheroing
#birdflash#nightflash#wally west#dick grayson#dickwally#they had to get up early for their respective errands for the day but they would make time for breakfast together even if its is 15 shots#of espresso and donuts before they even wake up properly and have to go#and yes they are wearing each others clothes; wally just blindly took dicks sweatpants and wrapped scarf last minute#while dick delibaretly took one of wallys merch hoodies but he accidently took green lantern themed but he is too tired to care atm lol#because wally is taller and his hoodies always swallow dick even tho he is a bit more buff but he still short king#and yes they took off their gloves to hold hands <3 but its ok cause wallys warm and dick wont get chilly ;D#intensly adore all fics where wally&dick are both superheroing and living lives but stull try to make time for each other#because its worth it!!!! and they are just young adults trying to find that mystical work/work/life balance#one day they will find it uwu
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whenever i read things like “adults who still celebrate their birthdays are so cringe 🙄 ” im always like......whats so bad about having an excuse to set time aside to pull all your friends together for a nice little party with tasty treats and hot eats
#listen i get it nothing matters etc etc#but also sometimes.....letting things matter......is better#is the concept of a birthday relatively meaningless? i disagree but one could argue that#but is the idea of designating one day a year where you can pause and indulge in socal events that are not always easy to put together bad?#NOOOO#its national treat yourself day#i know its not that deep but im sure all my homies who struggle with the You Know kind of behaviors where every year is not always a given#also understand that recognizing that you held on a little bit longer and are still here is something worth giving value to
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Just wanted to mention this to someone who does art and get their opinion on it:
Sometimes I see some artists do redraws of their old artworks or characters and think "Wow, uh... their older art looks better." Sometimes it's only mildly better, but other times it's vastly better. Like the Upgrade, Go Back! meme.
I understand that art skills are supposed to develop and change, hopefully for the better, but sometimes it just feels like they got... worse? Somehow? Idk. Maybe it's because they were copying another artist's style while finding their own, and it's their own style that doesn't vibe with me? Just curious what your thoughts are about this.
Also, your art has consistently been great, so this isn't directed at you.
I do see this on occasion yeah! usually (in my experience anyway) its because people take a sharp turn towards a stylization that either isn't to your or most people's tastes, or that they don't understand or are still developing. switching up how you stylize your art is like starting over in a sense, you're changing from what you have practice with and that's always going to cause you to revert some as you have to re-learn things you understood in your previous style. i had a pretty big style shift in 2014 when i took up the basis for how my art looks now, and i remember feeling like some of the stuff i was drawing might have looked better if i was using my older style instead. that's something artists just have to push through and figure out, and they'll likely come out of it a better artist than they were before. constructive critiques are a good way for them to figure out why their art might not be as "good" as it used to be, if they're open for those.
art is not always a linear journey, and i would also say things like passion and motivation have a part in it too. feeling inspired sparks you to make something the best it can be, if you're not feeling it (and esp if that feeling lasts for a long time) it'll leave you making decisions you otherwise would not have let fly, and that can result in worse art. and some of it is just personal preference! it's not that their art is better or worse, it's just different now, and maybe that doesn't vibe with you the same way their old stuff did. and that's fine 👍
(thank you! :3 i admittedly struggle a bit with Not Feeling It sometimes like i just described, so it's nice to know people still enjoy what i make when that feeling hits.)
#ask#anonymous#anon#art talk#or occasionally its because they let the h-rny take over and um. they get Grotesque about it whhjbdfdfg#i saw someone post a before and after fanart pic of tasque manager on twitter and everyone was like omg you've improved so much!#and they were all talking about. the older piece. because the newer one had some Proportions that werent even sexy they were just uhhhhhhhh#deviantart would be impressed. lets say#and just generally some of the other anatomy and rendering got way wonkier and broken from the earlier one too. it was strange#the weird thing is the older one was also a lil spicy/exaggerated but it was like tasteful and the anatomy was solid and it had some good#coloring and rendering choices etc etc. idk thats always the first example i think of because there were so many comments#pointing out - inadvertently - that the new art was Worse. but i do see it sometimes. i also think of um#there is some notorious artist whos style suddenly got really transphobically stylized. and racist#you'd think it was a troll but it was real. and most of their older art was actually p good is the weird fuckin thing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#why'd you kneecap yourself like that bro. i dug around a bit and the artist was rcdart#i feel like most of the examples i've seen of this are COMICALLY bad. like the artist got brain damage#anyway thats a novels worth of text but tldr yeah it do be like that sometimes. rip
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When designing/writing characters that have certain traits/characteristics which in our current society may be a hot button topic (like being trans), how do you tackle making sure it’s not a Big Deal (ie that character’s dominate trait or only reason for being in the story) but also not brushing it under the rug (like what JK Rowling did with Dumbledore being gay)?
This topic is a little too complex for me to sufficently cover it in a tumblr ask+reply, and even if I could I would feel like it wasn't my place to speak for everyone.
I will attempt to give some advice, but consider this more of a starting off point than anything.
The main two things are research and improving yourself, I think. These two things go hand in hand to form a cycle that if you continue going through you will become someone who wont pull garbage bigotry on minorities.
What I mean is, that you have to research whatever group youre hoping to represent. Not just wikipedia or other articles, but find their own opinions. Things said by them. During that research you might get uncomfortable, confused, overwhelmed and maybe even angry.
That's because we are all subconciously bigoted one way or another. That's where improving yourself comes in. You will never be able to represent a group youre not a part of if you do not process the feelings that come up and deal with them. Subconcious bigtory is incredibly visible in writing. The reason someone like J.K ended up writing Dumbledore's sexuality the way she did, is because she never went through the cycle and learnt to be humble in the face of critique.
That gets me to another point, which is that you are allowed to and will make mistakes. Many weirdos online like to say you cant and will be cancelled forever, but if you are genuinely remorseful and show that and show youre listening... You can mess up. Its okay. People who want rep often also want to help.
Uhm... This is getting long, but to make clear what I mean, is that its very difficult to start, and there arent shortcuts... But you become someone better by the end of it. Be humble, find ways of learning that work for you, be kind and curious, and you might end up with so much more joy than just good writing. Life is better with more kinds of people, cultures and stories in it. I reccomend it.
#Ask#Uuuh this turned out to be a bit much haha#Its worth adding that people dont stop having bigoted thoughts#Its something you have to keep working on always#But once you get the cycle going#The wheel starts to roll easier#Harry potter mention#HP Mention
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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So I made Shaperaverse OCs! Their names (from left to right) are Big, Little and Middle, and I love them dearly.
Their fic is rather elaborate and I don't want to post it until I've figured it out properly. However, the short backstory is:
They're some of Sarah's "mutants", who actually escaped the culling of the Posthuman War. Since then, they've slowly learned how to take care of themselves in this dangerous Metaverse, and built a little family of three. They all have different mental and physical capabilities, yet they make do.
#i liked this ilustration a lot so i figured i'd post it here too#i need minimal prompting to gush about these babies fyi#i just want to combine their story with different ideas.... so its taking a while#I've shared snippets in the works-in-progress channel in NADS#and if DM'ed i could share bits too. In general my DMs are always open/gen#shaperaverse#OCs#Little Middle and Big#uh do i tag this as paul shapera? its not from his work technically#idk. People on discord have been SUPER nice about these OCs so i figured it was worth the shot to crosspost here!#digital#sfw#artists on tumblr
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My headcanons for the named trio in The Cursing of Chateau Castle series:
Josephandre is a big bear. It just fits for him I think! He gets he/him pronouns, and as a way to make him a liiiil more relatable for Mira, he'd have two craft types (Rock type being his main one and paper craft for the other). Battle style wise, I think it fits him to be more of a self-sustaining tank. He buffs defense, heals, and puts up shields. For his weapon, he'd use his fists like Isabeau. He'll be the second fastest in the trio.
Lady Irene-Janine-Kanine looks like an elegant noblewoman on the outside but she has vibes similar to Euphrasie! She gets she/her pronouns. Her craft type is Paper. Battle style wise, she's more on the offensive side, a main dps kind of thing. Most of her skills focus on buffing attack and speed, she'd have an item that helps regen her hp a lil bit and her chosen weapon is an umbrella. The tip is a sharp blade so it's used like a spear that has a hidden sword in its handle. Open it, and it becomes a shield! That'd be one of her skills too, although it's only applicable to her. She's the fastest one of the trio.
Pierre-Jacques-Erneste looks like a nobleman and carries himself as such! He gets he/they pronouns. Their craft type is Scissors. Battle style wise, he's more of a debuffer, skills focusing on weakening the enemies, slowing them down, poisoning them. Their weapon is a sword dagger, though he doesn't seem to be able to handle it well, how clumsy! But he Is a nobleman so it makes sense! Oh but... why doesn't he have a title? They're the slowest one of the trio, how strange, he seemed to be faster than Lady Irene-Janine-Karine that one time though.
#aria rants#how do i even tag these things bro im like-- why am i such a fan of a fragmented series in isat#okay so-- josephandre relied mostly on raw strength when he was travelling all alone before meeting the others#and i think he'd have a fun uncle vibe to him. which makes it easy for others to approach him and befriend him#but he Also carries a sort of pride and dignity to him which makes the others mistake him for a nobleman cuz of it#esp considering the fact that he later became famous for helping those in need and such.#lady irene on the other hand. being a noble she's always had to keep her guard up. also doesnt help that noblewomen#got the short end of the stick what with the ''arrange marriage'' things and being below noblemen#her umbrella weapon helps a lot in warding off the assholes. i think that during the journey with josephandre's party#she got to finally be herself without needing to sugarcoat her words in a way that a noble should. she would also figure out a#way to improve on her shield spell to not only apply to just her but her entire party too. she cares a lot about them after all#meanwhile i got a Whole scenario for pierre (being an illegitimate child of a noble family and all that. i made a post bout it)#he's actually a lot more capable than what he makes himself appear as. but its like part of the plan on getting the others#to lower their guards around him for when pierre betrays them. in actuality pierre is actually faster than irene altho#not much stronger still (irene and josephandre are still stronger than him) considering that pierre mainly focused on#stealth type attacks. hes more used to using a sword than a dagger (he mightve wanted to prove their worth)#it makes their battle style and weapon clash due to the fact that swords arent that good for stealth much than a dagger#its one of the reasons why hes trying to get used to the dagger than the sword. but it is a bit difficult to learn a new weapon
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i think i could write a really good essay on the danger days fandom and what it functions as for those who engage (myself included). i think i can explain exactly why certain people who are into certain other things are drawn to it, and why it so often devolves into just Identity Category Soup™ instead of deeper worldbuilding or storytelling. And also why people get something out of that soup.
The story doesn't really exist (and what does kinda sucks) but I think, the way fandom ends up with it, it's ultimately about regaining control and achieving small-scale victories in the midst of a larger, obviously unwinnable conflict. It's escapist fantasy that boils down impossible-scale real world issues (corruption, bigotry, capitalism, rigid social roles) into ones you can directly interact and engage with. A world so small that you can shout over those in power. A world so small that you can just... opt out of it.
Truthfully, IRL there is nowhere you can go to get away from, say, gender roles... but in DD world you can say "fuck that, I'm moving to my alternative society which not only exists, but thrives" and then do it. I do NOT think gerard intended it this way specifically (you can read it as being about lots of things and also he's said as much) but yes of course becoming a killjoy is a perfect allegory for transition.
#when i was rlly into DD id get so annoyed at the bright fun poppy version people did where it's not a post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland#but i think i get it a bit more now. its not for me but it's the same thing i like about it. just zoomed in and less realism#(dd fandom also skews YOUNG i think)#i always preferred a version where the kjs know theyre doomed to fail and their movement will fizzle out but goddamn theyll try anyway#and build a life that's worth living in the meantime <3#but anyway yeah thats why killjoy fandom is so Gender-y... it's a story about social nonconformity and being punished for it and thats-#a specific sort of nonconformity that mcr fandom is already keen on#(obviously it's also a fantasy about eating pizza and rebelling against authority with your buddies lol but i think its deeper for many ppl
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had a thought. in social species, avoiding getting isolated from the group for an extended period of time is a survival instinct. hunger au grian's implied to have been basically not socializing during his time kicked from hermitcraft, just running and occasionally ducking into some random server to eat and hating himself for it. that's probably not helping his eating disorder situation, if on some level he's associated eating with being kicked out.
Oh yeah for sure :(( i think abt this a LOT, about the isolation he went through during that period before the search party found him. That was almost a full year of not really talking to anybody, never seeking close contact, deliberately keeping his distance except for the few times he snuck somewhere to feed and do the bare minimum to keep his code from falling apart. And eventually, he gave up even doing that, and took to the in-between to just. Move. Keep moving. No real focus, no actual destination in mind. For a very long time, it was move forward or die, and when he finally detected that the search party had tracked him down, he realized he'd only been delaying the inevitable and made a decision about it.
It kinda breaks my heart, ngl. To be so lonely and scared and knowing in your heart that you're living on borrowed time. To run as far and as fast as you can against the inevitable, out of pure desperation and stubbornness. In the fic, i mention that Grian considers getting kicked out of Hermitcraft as a death sentence, and that wasnt an exaggeration. He knew. He knew, deep down, from the moment he got kicked, that this was only going to end one way. Grian's a master of denial, yeah, but you can only look death in the face for so long before you realize it's been here the whole time.
His return to Hermitcraft in particular is gonna delve into this. It's gonna delve into a lot of things, tbh, but his isolation very much changed him. It's gonna be a long road, recovery-wise, with lots of set backs and non-linear healing. And, quite frankly, he may never truly be the same!! It'll be up to all of them to successfully reach a new normal together, once they actually get to that point in the narrative❤️ ;;;
#shouting speaks#asks#grian#watcher grian#hermitcraft#hunger au#THIS WAS A BIT OF A SOMBER RESPONSE SORRY ANON#i have. feelings abt this tbh#smth abt the inherent grief of being irrevocably changed#smth abt going through trauma and wishing you could go back and knowing that you cant#the frustration of navigating uncharted territory in your own mind#the old is new and the new is old and nothing makes sense and the only thing you can do is sit with it#i dont see a lot of fics really go into how UGLY healing is. how exhausting. how utterly GRUELING it gets sometimes#its always something. and if it isnt that then its something else. and you just have to keep moving forward no matter what#but anyway yeah. this fic is not going to be very glamorous wrt the healing. its gonna suck man. but ultimately it will be worth it❤️#and that i think is what matters#txt
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