#it is in my rectum | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

homopathy69 · 1 year

Text

Person: where is 𝗠𝗮𝘅𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹?

Me: idk *walks away with a suspiciously 𝗠𝗮𝘅𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 shaped mouth*

#i will put him in my mouth #i have put him in my mouth before #once i get out of jail for putting him in my mouth I will put him in my mouth again #do not ask where the Maxwell Divining Rod & BatBat Don't Starve Blind Box Action Figure went #it is in my rectum #maxwell carter #is not in my mouth

12 notes · View notes

maretriarch · 4 days

Text

blowing on an old moonshine jug and it makes the yee dinosaur ytp sound

#rubbing my fingertips on the rims of pure crystal wineglasses and using the resonance to make a chilling rendition of Spencer Launches #A Bagel Into Griffins Rectum

12 notes · View notes

everythingroyalty · 2 months

Text

well thats fucking awful 😭

#kate middleton #sweet kate 😭❤️#without speculating about kate's specific diagnosis BUT as a relative to someone who was struck by this out of the blue last summer:#PLEASE don't let embarrassment get in the way of getting checked for bowel cancer #as someone who works in healthcare talking about bowel movements and feces is SUCH an everyday thing for us #no one will bat an eye if you go see your doctor or the hospital about changes in your stool or pain or bleeding or whatever #no one will think it's funny or embarrassing #instead it can save your life #take it from my granny: the worst thing about a colonoscopy is the laxatives you take for prep ❤️#please see a doctor for: 1. blood in your stool or from the rectum 2. long-lasting changes to your regular pattern of bowel movements #3. unexplained weight-loss 4. unexplained pain in your stomach that doesn't go away 5. any time of lump in your stomach (anywhere really)#6. unexplained tiredness and 7. a feeling that you don't empty your bowels completely #text

13 notes · View notes

rrebdominee · 2 days

Text

Tcctwt has fallen. Billions must end up on the news.

#there was an alternative i could have said dealing with places of education but i dont want The Feds up my precious rectum #tccblr #teeceecee #tcc tumblr #tcctwt #tcc

5 notes · View notes

bisonaari · 11 months

Text

Something that I always do when learning a new language is to check if my family name means anything, because the sounds of it are very common in many languages

So hm

Now I know how to say holes in finnish 💀

#technically it's more like burrows BUT it's funnier that way lol #can't be worse than when my greek coworker almost pissed himself when I told him my name #fun fact did you know that my full name in greek sounds very closely like olive rectum? CAUSE I SURE DIDN'T KNOW #bison learns finnish #oh no i checked and it's worse it's olive ass #hello followers nice to meet you i'm olive ass 💀

7 notes · View notes

fruitvault · 5 months

Text

Gyro: WELL WELL WELL.. looks like someone wants to be a hero! A big man, a huge, throbbing, sweaty-

Fenton: GYRO

#absolutely insane community quote that is one of my favorites #also anything they say in a dean and dean of air conditioning repair school vice dean robert laybourne scene #I FORGOT EVERYTHING YOU SAID BEFORE RECTUM makes me fucking collapse

6 notes · View notes

reaperseal-archive · 8 months

Text

good morning :3c

#kinda tmi but i have stabbing pains mostly in my rectum but also my pelvis/lower abdomen in general #and i have no idea why and i’m scared :(#looked it up and it could be a pinched nerve or muscle spasms with no apparent cause #ughhhhshdhdhdg #lightning crotch x1000 #txt

2 notes · View notes

artkiddies · 9 months

Text

My favorite lines said by David Tennant's character #02

Well I’ve still got the people’s choice award and this turns sideways, I turn it like that and ram it up your tight Welsh rectum!

#tight Welsh rectum you will always be iconic #staged #david tennant #My favorite lines said by David Tennant's character

3 notes · View notes

gaycousinlarry · 11 months

Text

.

#if someone could do like. a hot stone massage on my perineum right now that would be awesome #or just stop my entire rectum/groin feeling like it’s gonna just fall out of my ass #that would be GREAT #period cramps are so fucking insane

3 notes · View notes

stupid-sloot-headcanons · 1 year

Text

I also can't overstate how the only real thing I knew of Mass Effect for so long were the old Gamer Poop videos on Machinima, and I was constantly quoting it when I played the games for the first time

#garrus. report to the ship as soon as possible. we'll bang ok? 👍#.mass effect #.sillyshit #im garrus vakarian and THIS is my rectum!#I love you Ash--Miranda! SHIT--

4 notes · View notes

phantasoba · 1 year

Text

Today in math

I love worksheets

#Wow my handwriting is shit #Math #Conic sections parabola #If I ever say I hate school know that I am lying #Latus rectum lmao

6 notes · View notes

notinmyvocab · 1 year

Text

DOCTORS ONLY CARE IF YOU'RE UNDERWEIGHT

#literally #had an appointment #and now i have to do a procedure because they think its more likely that im anemic because im bleeding out of my rectum #instead of my ACTUAL DOCUMENTED EATING DISORDER

3 notes · View notes

beazt · 8 months

Text

me, at least once a day: is this new symptom a normal progression of covid or am I Dying mr doctor

#lous clues #not gonna get too detailed in the tags here but I’m pretty sure my rectum is bleeding. very minorly tho

1 note · View note

shewillbethedeathofpoetry · 11 months

Text

Okay but what are you going to do if I go stabby stabby through the holes?

#breathable armour kind of slays #I like to imagine that it was like an arcade game where you try to hit the holes for points #I mean they were probably wearing mail underneath #don’t want our cutie knights getting too sweaty on the battlefield 🥰#babygirl #babygirlyfying is a hobby #medieval armour #I think it didn’t say I’m talking out of my rectum

0 notes

meatpuppit · 1 year

Text

would u still love me if that last post wasnt a joke

#it is #to be clear. nothing happened to my rectum at the show #kind of sad but whatever

1 note · View note

messyoungie · 3 months

Text

𓂅⋆ small ways to improve ୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

here are some small habits that you can start doing :) they aren’t that intense— they only require consistency, and in my opinion are a great way to take the first step into your self improvement journey ♡

1. leave the phone out of the bathroom 🫧 ⊹₊

— this reduces the amount of time you spend in the bathroom and takes away a bit of screen time too!

— keeping your phone in the bathroom can make your device incredibly dirty and exposes it to a bunch of germs and bacteria

— sitting on the toilet longer than needed can lead to unnecessary pressure on your rectum

2. try to dedicate your bed for sleeping 💭 *.✦

— a good but simple habit to have is to only use your bed when sleeping. try to avoid studying, eating, or passing time in bed

— your brain may not be able to associate your bed with sleeping when you’re doing too many activities while sitting in bed, which can make it difficult for you to sleep

— experts say staying bed for too long can disrupt your mood and increases stress

— doing the same activities while sitting at a desk will most likely make you feel more productive as opposed to you doing them in your bed

3. try to spend the first 15 minutes of the day without your phone 🗒️ ⋆⁺₊

— getting on your phone and using a stimulating app like TikTok first thing in the morning overwhelms your dopamine and will only make you want more and more throughout the day

— try to get some sunlight instead and open your curtains or go outside

2K notes · View notes