HADES

It hurt me to hear my subjects--- nothing but ghosts, nothing but gray husks---groaning aloud.

His songs that blended anguish and desire made their brows furrow, their placid faces lose all repose.

In my dark realm, music’s painful as first light to sleeping eyes: white line above black trees, dawn’s chalk scraped across the board.

Gregory Orr, Orpheus & Eurydice: A Lyric Sequence (Copper Canyon Press, 2001)

no no. you don't get it. the reason I injure my blorbos until they can't walk is because that's the only way they'll ever let someone else carry them. the reason I curse them to be sick and feverish is so that they'll finally open up about their emotions while delirious. the reason I force them to overexert themselves to the point of exhaustion is so that when they pass out they can finally rest.

I'm doing this for their own good.

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

you think YOU had a bad day at work?

bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera

in recent years, there's been a push in therapeutic circles to shift the language from "attention-seeking" to "connection-seeking" behavior.

i was an attention-seeker. i was the textbook example of an attention-seeker. i was a troublemaker. i would self-harm. i destroyed my own relationships. i was uncontrolled, dramatic, sensitive. i took everything personally. i had "nothing" to be depressed "about," but made a big show of how sad i was nonetheless. i was really unsafe about myself in a lot of ways.

the strange thing about that is: it meant others could ignore me. the prevailing wisdom behind knowing something is "attention seeking" is to say: well, since you want it that bad, you're not getting any. it meant i was lower-on-the-list of concern. it meant an eye-roll.

the belief was that: since i was obviously doing these things on purpose, it would be bad behavioral training if i was "rewarded" for it. it would "teach me" that i simply had to make enough fuss, and i'd finally get all that missing attention and love. no, it was better to ignore that stuff.

i was suffering. and it felt like - oh, it doesn't matter how loudly i am in pain, nobody gives a shit about if i'm living or dying.

awhile ago, i went through my journals from that time. a lot of them read the same thing. in them, i am convinced i am invisible. that nobody wants to hear me, to see me. that i could die or vanish and nobody would even notice. i didn't even want attention - not really - because it was always dismissive, mocking. nothing i ever did would be good enough to get someone to actually-worry about me.

that's a terrifying thing for me to read as an adult. that is a child who fully has no problem committing. that is a child who has no concept of feeling loved. the most basic human instinct is missing from her life.

i needed help. i didn't know how to ask for it. i was a kid. i was a kid in a bad home, and whenever i thought things couldn't get worse there - they almost always did.

and the ways i showed that - the ways i tried to deal with that - they made others dismiss me. i wasn't suffering prettily. after all, if i was really in trouble, why wouldn't i just march into the first counselor's office and ask someone to help me? i had the opportunities, right? what did i think would happen, exactly? that someone would finally stand up and do something? who even wants that kind of responsibility?

i heard connection-seeking for the first time about three months ago. my therapist mentioned it when we were talking about my history. it rang some kind of horrible bell, deep inside me. i don't know what she said in the rest of her sentence. i just started... crying.

"oh no", i said to her. "i think i just realized: i have no idea how to forgive them for minimizing the ways i was hurting."

how many other kids, though. how many other kids were out there drowning, snatching around for a lifevest, some kind of rope - how many were straight-up ignored.

how many of those kids aren't gonna get old.

Then employ one of your own superstitions. Wish me luck.

Curiosity and Puzzle Boxes

It was tiny Tim's first time being 'old' enough to be left home alone without a babysitter, and even though he KNOWS he shouldn't mess or play with some of the things his parents sent home from their digs, he's still a very curious child.

Yeah, maybe playing and later solving that old puzzle box that apparently summoned a powerful eldritch being from a different realm and binded them together until his own death might not have been the brightest thing Tim has done... but at least he's not alone now!

Meanwhile, Danny takes one look at the kid who not only summoned him but solved the puzzle box and sighed to himself, this was the last time he took Tuckers advice on how to escape the dumb Ghost King summonings by creating a 'prove yourself worthy' loophole/puzzle.

Also.. where the heck are your parents kid?!?!?

this is the most beautiful creature on earth and I will kill someone if it asks me to

Resisting the urge to make even more bitter posts about people I expected to be better

bishops knife trick i owe you my life

The guy

me when the little baby empanada who already protected her slightly younger siblings on purgatory island gets to quesadilla island full of new dangers & gets very close to her older sister pomme, who is a living breathing example of the developing mindset that “you must be a soldier always prepared for danger in order to protect the happiness of you and your family” is necessary. they relate over anxiety, pomme gives her a protection helmet for her birthday and shares tips of survival. they are children.

Okay okay, so there was an ask about photographer y/n being jealous of some siren that Eclipse met. What about other flavours of y/n?

How would Humpback!y/n react to some rival? As they are portrayed as the most chill one of the bunch. Would they be completely unbothered due to their strength and size? Would they get annoyed by the siren?

Would leopard seal!y/n straight up jump into a fight with the siren trying to woo their mate? Would they get scared of being left alone again and imidiatly assume the worst? I imagine that would be a hard situation for them due to the abandonment they experienced from their previous relationship.

Would Harpie!y/n get scared or sad? After all Harpie is the most incapable of ,,defending" their place due to them being a ,,prey"', so I imagine they would feel hopeless in "show off your strength category" Would they went off to find the prettiest pebble for Eclipse? Would they find another way to show the siren they are the boss?

At the end of the day I imagine Eclipse cuddling and comforting his mate as well as assuring them they are his birdie, sending the message to the siren in question as well. But I'm curious how y/ns would react and handle the situation

Sending love!

Ohhh, jealousy!

Humpback Y/N is stoic regarding their jealousy, and though they wouldn't easily give away how green they are, they would silently mull over what Eclipse wants. There's someone of his own kind—not a natural-born enemy. Why have them when he could have someone closer in form to him? Humpback Y/N would act aggressively if such a siren showed up and attempted to woo Eclipse right in front of them, but Y/N would also ponder if Eclipse wants this orca siren when they're apart. Eclipse would gather that something's eating away at Humpback Y/N when they're together and his birdie isn't focused. Once he nudged Humpback Y/N enough to explain, he would be shocked that Y/N hasn't fought this other siren yet if they're so concerned about losing him! Y/N would say they were giving the siren the courtesy of mercy in case Eclipse would be happier. Such a confession would melt Eclipse; he would hold Humpback Y/N's face and tell them he has fought so hard for them. He would keep fighting for eternity just to keep them—don't worry. He's theirs entirely.

Leopard Seal Y/N would be ferocious and fierce to any suitor attempting to steal Eclipse away. Y/N has terrible anguish from the past coming back to life and is tormented by a future where she and her baby are abandoned—again. She would be furious at how much she wants Eclipse to stay for Sedka and for her. An orca siren attempting to sing to Eclipse would result in Y/N lunging for the rival's throat without hesitation. Eclipse would intervene immediately to shoo the other siren away and pull Y/N back. He'd hold her as he demanded to know why in the ocean would she ever try to fight an orca siren who was not attacking her or Sedka? Y/N would be seething before snarling that if Eclipse wants to leave her and Sedka, he should never have stayed with them in the first place! Eclipse would shush her, soothing her until she stopped trying to claw her way back to a violent encounter and tell her how he only wanted her and how he wouldn't trade her and Sedka for the whole world. They are everything he wants and needs, and he would not leave his family.

Harpy Y/N would be in shambles if another orca siren showed interest in Eclipse. Y/N has no way of chasing off a would-be suitor and would be inconsolable at the thought Eclipse decided the orca siren would be a better co-parent than her. She would be frantic and in near panic, watching Eclipse closely for any signs that he was going to take the babies and leave her behind. Mentally, Y/N would prepare a list of reasons to keep her around for him and the baby's sake. Eclipse would notice that she's much more apprehensive than usual and then ask what is causing her such grief. She'd burst out with all the arguments she'd been compiling to let her stay with him and the babies (which Eclipse would agree vehemently with each claim, much to Y/N's building confusion). In tears, she'd be trembling in waiting for his response until Eclipse burst out in laughter. Y/N would stare in her bewilderment. He'd pull her close and kiss her cheek with such adoration at her silliness. He'd tell her softly and gently that she is the only mother of Sun and Moon, and he quite loves Y/N. He would even admit that he has a bit of obsession with her, and no one else, orca siren or otherwise, is going to lead him away from her.

Huevember day 8: Beneath Grayslate

Quick one for today! The Tide and Bone cast reveal got me so hype I just had to whip something up for Needle and Thread, too ✨

Sora! 💕