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#it happens SO fucking often i am SO tired of people doing this shit and its sometimes with people i otherwise like too which is the WORST
cinnamon-phrog · 2 months
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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up
#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice#i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever#ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame#gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now#months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m#but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is#i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again#this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often#college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye#i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me
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camellcat · 9 months
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I wonder if Scott's alpha teeth made him nervous even after he got used to them just Being A Thing Now. If, when he would catch the glint of red eyes staring back at him, he had to still an instinctive flinch and try not to think of all the people who have threatened to or almost ended his life with that same vibrant hue. If the feeling of blood under his claws, on his skin, in his hair and soaked into his clothes ever became normal, if it was ever something truly able to be numbed and ignored. If seeing his shadow with pointed ears and elongated claws and shredded shirts gave him day terrors like the Nogitsune never went away; a paranoia that everyone could see how fucking messed up (how scary) he was. If Scott ever truly moved on from feeling afraid of being a monster, of becoming a Monster. Not all monsters do monstrous things, but all Scott has ever seen is monsters who choose to act like their namesake.
If he continues to be cautious and aware of his teeth, of his eyes, of how blood is overwhelming and what it's like to be afraid --- because if he looses his humanity, his tie to slow healing and faulty lungs and what it feels like to be prey to somebody else, how will he be any different from the monsters that plague him?
Scott is the outlier, and he does not let his monstrous features define how he chooses to behave and who is chooses to be.
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pepprs · 2 years
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im discontent and tired but like too discontent and tired to put it into words i think. lol
#purrs#prefacing this as usual by saying that i love my job. but also… every single situation. EVERY situation. is a primal situation in one way. l#like either i am dying of hunger / thirst / sleep deprivation and feeling it so hard i can’t focus on my work or i am so stressed that i am#being chased into a hidey hole by all the pressures or i am projecting my parents onto ppl and reliving primal moments of abaondoment and ex#exclusion LMFAO. And it’s like there’s no wonder i am so fucking exhausted every day when i come home i have lived 746 lifetimes in the last#8-9 hours. but it’s just so insane and im so tired. i literally thought i was gonna have an anxiety attack earlier today and it was bc i had#health anxiety bc my heart was pounding so hard over my facilitation anxiety that i got scared my heart was legitimately going to give out a#and then i started spiralling and like. lol i don’t think that’s healthy. i just want the election to be over so fucking bad but also i cant#just throw up my hands and give up and hope for the best i am literally being paid to give everything i have to making the world better so i#im gonna do it it’s just i am so often like the youngest and least experienced person in the room and im insecure about that and also i am j#just scared like… as a person and it’s just a lot to deal with i guess. lol#guess i was able to put it into words lol. but the moments of me projecting shit are so annoying bc then i get mad and then my feelings get#hurt bc no one notices im mad but also i don’t want anyone to notice im mad bc im being stupid for literaly no reason so. idk im just#ear ripped tated right now over stupid stupid shit that genuinely does not matter and has no bearing but when it’s little things that build#up over the course of the day… idk. it’s just hard 💃🏻#delete later#this is abt smth that happened in a meeting today brw it’s not abt anyone including irls i saw today / this week i love u 😽#also side note i saw literally SO many of the ppl closest to me this week. like that used to be an almost every day occurrence and i think t#this week not only did i see… like not to name drop on my tumblr blog with redacted followers but not only did i see you markya and#david but i saw tirzah AND brandon AND radia. WTF!!!!! that’s so many of my favorite people all in one week!!!! :DDDDDDD#(omg pretend i put ‘you’ after all the ppl it applies to)
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sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her
#like i genuinely fucking get that sometimes life is exhausting and you’re tired and sometimes you need to take care of urself before hanging#out with people but for it to be so fucking consistent is exhausting for ME#we don’t even fucking make plans that often it’s literally maybe once a fucking month if that#like you’re telling me somehow whenever we have plans that’s when you’re SOOOOOO exhausted ?????? but you left the house 39203 other times#to do shit that takes up way more mental capacity than sitting bat your house smoking weed for a while and catching up?????#i just don’t fucking get it dude i really don’t#if i make plans with someone and the day of i don’t want to anymore i always tell them right fucking away so they don’t spend all day waitin#around and planning their entire day around it just to get fucked over#idk i’m just frustrated and probably need to eat something and i’ll be less angry#i’m just like. upset bc i don’t understand why she only ever seems to cancel on me or only seems to be soooooo exhausted when it’s the day#we planned to hang out like i just think it’s unfair to me and i Have expressed this in general before so it’s like ok cool#thanks for taking my own feelings and time into consideration 🙄🙄😐#like i literally love and adore my friends more than life itself and it just hurts and is shitty when someone doesn’t act the same even tho#they’ve said the opposite idk#i genuinely hope i don’t sound like a dick right now bc i truly really understand when ppl are mentally exhausted or deal with chronic issue#issues* bc fucking SAME HERE I ALSO DEAL WITH ALL RHAT so it’s like idk i just don’t wanna sound like a dick i am just upset i’m not feeling#like i’m loved the same as i love people idk this always happens to me i feel like i just love too much and i over project and then when i#don’t get the same things in return i feel like people actually don’t like me or secretly are tryin to separate from me idk it’s shitty i#hate it so bad i want a normal brain this shitnfucking sucks#my brain is going too hard now tho i need to stop before i spiral for real right here right now on tumblr dot com
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oglegoggle · 1 year
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Weird double emotion of lonely and longing & too mistrusting of others to really even want to attempt to date now (if ever again tbh)
#this is goggles#just tired of relationships that make me feel like I am the sun to them when really they’ve lit me on fire and are burning me up#so they can in a way pretend to be tragic Icarus who flew too close#I continue to feel like a MPDG to the people I date#like I’m eccentric and handsome and dreamy and fun yeah#But I am not always my best traits#and often I have weird and tricky needs that nobody I’ve been with has really be able or willing to accomodate#I know that I’m very very hard to love at my most raw#it hurts so much to warn someone of this and they insist that they can in fact love me when it’s hard#but then when my hard time love times roll around whoopsie doopsie guess you were right after all#and just I put a lot of work and effort into my relationships desperately wanting to milk even a tenth of the effort in return back out#and I’m tired of it#I’m tired of putting work into others who think I’m some perfect dreamboat who is going to swoop in and fix their life#I tired of putting work into people who won’t put the work into me#couldn’t even schedule fucking counseling for us immediately after his evil cat slashed my literal eyeball#pathetic slob an absolute manchild a sorry excuse for a partner or a son#I sure as fuck felt like a crazy hybrid of partner and dad to him as much as I tried to convince him to do his chores and do them right#this isn’t even the first time that this shit has happened don’t know why I keep letting it#I’m the nameless love interest in your back story that was sooooo dreamy and romantic and good in bed that you dream of him for life#the one you fantasize about when you’re inevitably having problems in your 23 year marriage decades down the line#think about what ever happened to him and wonder if you could’ve made it work#but I’ll be long long gone#you won’t know whatever happened to me or if you could’ve made it work#you’ll go back to your unhappy marriage and tell yourself it’s what you deserve for fucking it up with me#me? I’ll have probably asphyxiated on my vomit or something by then ol’ Jimi style#because let’s be real I’m probs gonna lose grasp on my little Habit eventually#it gets worse and worse with each major trauma I endure#I need the traumatic experiences to stop please I am so so tired#may solitude in the Parks give me peace#may peace give me detachment
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disengaged · 1 year
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sometimes i hallucinate bugs when i am very tired. & it makes my life very difficult
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farlooms · 1 year
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i know its the jewish bias but tbh i genuinely fucking hate xmas time so much
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sunsetsimon · 6 months
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simon 'ghost' riley x reader
mentions of ptsd, abuse, torture, touch aversion, nightmares
always remember, you are loved and cared for. reach out if you need help, i am always here to provide resources. you are not alone, do not go through this alone.
─────── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───────
☼ jealousy. it wasn't a feeling that simon felt often, and not in the ways most people experienced it, he could care less about any materialistic items. his jealousy would stir in his stomach when he saw people doing to them - normal things. a hug goodbye, holding hands, it was all foreign to him.
he's used to a playful punch from soap or a pat on the shoulder from price, but he never initiates. when you first get together, he's uncomfortable with physical affection and will often unintentionally shut you down. your hand will reach for his but he doesn't move, not even noticing you attempting to touch him. he won't hug you before he leaves, only giving a nod and heading out.
he knows it hurts you but it's hard.
slowly he works on it, giving a loving squeeze and reaching for your hand, but it's a long process before it becomes an unconscious habit.
☼ simon doesn't sleep much to begin with, but when it gets bad, he starts to have nightmares almost every night. they're intense, seeming to last forever, as if he'd lived days in the dream. his sleepy mumbling will turn into physical reactions, his body starting to twitch, fists clenching so hard his knuckles turn white. gasping awake he shoots up, his hand immediately on his gun and ready for combat. he's sweaty, heart beating so fast it seemed like it'd jump out of his chest.
"you okay, si?" you whisper from beside him, snapping him back to reality. simon takes a deep breath, setting his pistol back down on the nightstand, unable to speak. immediately you recognize it was another nightmare, reaching out to place a comforting hand on his back. his head drops into his hands, needing to take time to relearn what his reality is; he's home, he's with you.
but fuck, why doesn't it feel that way then? why is he haunted every time he closes his eyes?
"'m so tired," he mumbles, fighting back tears of frustration and pain, trying not to question what he did to deserve this hell he calls his own mind.
"i know si... i wish i could take it all away," you attempt to comfort him, but know that nothing you do could help him right now, he just needs time. he gives your arm a pat before standing up, leaving to take time for himself. you hear his footsteps trail down the stairs and a door open, simon deciding to retreat to the garage for the next few hours until he feels okay again.
☼ he wouldn’t ever tell you what actually happened to him, just making vague comments here and there when the opportunity arises. he's scared to talk about it, not wanting to remember anything or try to process it.
your soft fingers trail along the pale scars littered across his skin, wondering what must've happened to him, all the pain he's been through. you stop at a small one on his left wrist, "how'd you get this one?"
"my dad was a piece of shit," and he leaves it at that. you don't push any further, accepting the curt answer with a nod. you softly kiss the scar, beautiful eyes flickering to his. it's things like this that slowly heal him, and instead of thinking of the pain that came with each scar, he thinks of your lips kissing each one as if that'd make it all better. you make it all better.
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rosepascal · 6 months
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someday || Joel Miller x Reader
summary: You're sick and tired of being strong in this world.
warnings: angst/fluff, hurt comfort, tlou stuff so blood, killing, etc. The reader has some self deprecating thoughts.
a/n: I am once again using Joel as therapy. I could not survive the tlou world. As much as i would want to be a badass I would probably just cry a lot aksdfjl.
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“Hurry up!” Joel snapped as you took cover among the bushes.
You wince as your knees scrape against the ground, blood trickling down your leg. Joel harshly grabs your arm as you hear loud footsteps approaching you.
“Where the fuck did they go!” You hear a man say.
His heavy boots snapping twigs as he walks. Joel would say he’s an idiot. One of the typical egotistical raiders who think their brute strength could solve anything. Joel’s grip gets harsher as they get closer. His other hand fiddles with his gun.
A heavy pit forms in your stomach. That same sickly horrible feeling that you always get when your life is in danger. Which happens often in this world.
You hate it. Hate what the world has become. Hate what you’ve become to survive. Shutting off all emotions so you can live. Killing people who are just trying to survive, just like you.
Joel springs into action, pulling out his rifle and shooting one of your attackers square in the face. Too wrapped up in your own head you don’t notice one of them fire at you.
“Shit!” You hiss as Joel tackles you to the ground.
The bullet whizzing past you. You start to apologize but Joel doesn’t care. He gets up and fires a few shots, letting you scramble to your feet and pull out your gun.
These guys are easy to take care of. They don’t bother trying to hide which makes them easy targets. Your brain shuts off as you put yet another bullet into someone, taking their life. Leaving them dead on the forest floor.
Once they’re all dead you just stand there. Reciting the same bullshit you tell yourself. You had to do this. It’s you or them. This is how things are now.
“Let’s go.” Joel says gruffly.
Not even bother to check on you before walking back towards Jackson. It makes your blood boil. Anger bubbling out of you with every step. You’re sick of it. Sick of living in this world. Sick of being strong and brave. Ellie calls you a badass but fuck what you wouldn’t give to go back to your life before the outbreak.
You’ve never said a word to Joel or Ellie about it. Joel, well he’s Joel. He’s the brooding tough guy. The provider. The keeps to himself kind of guy. As stereotypical as it sounds, he’s kept you alive so you owe him. He taught you how to shoot after finding you all on your own. Trying to make it to the QZ.
You know he’s lost a lot too. Everyone has, so what makes you so special? Why should you get to feel the way you do when it’s not nearly as bad as what some people have been through? The walk is silent as you approach the gates of the town. At least you have a bed now, a house with running water and food.
“Want to tell me what happened out there?” Joel asks as you get closer to the town. You clench your jaw and stay quiet. He’s not happy, he’s pissed. You fucked up. You don’t need him to tell you that.
“Hey, I’m talking to you.” He puts a hand on your shoulder and you rip it off you.
“I fucked up alright? I’m sorry.” You stomp ahead of him, not wanting a fucking Joel lecture right now.
“You’re sorry? You could have gotten killed.” Joel won’t let it go, he never lets it go.
“Just fuck off! Okay I get it. I don’t need you to tell me that. Sorry we can’t all be like you.” You storm through the gates, ignoring the looks from the townspeople.
“The hell does that mean?” He grabs your shoulders and forces you to face him. His face turned into a scowl, like he’s trying to puff himself up to make him bigger, scarier. Well fuck him.
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking live like this. Killing people without even blinking, pretending it doesn’t get to me. I’m…I’m over it.” You shove his hands off you and storm into town.
“Hey!” Joel tries to come after you but you weave your way through the crowd of people.
Until his voice is drowned out and he can’t see you anymore. You don’t know how long you’ve been away. You just kept walking and walking until you found a seemingly abandoned house. You climb onto the roof and just, sit. Feelings of shame come over you as you think back to your argument.
On one hand it’s embarrassing to admit that you aren’t cut out for this world, maybe Joel agrees. Maybe he thinks he should have left you for dead. You promised him you’d be strong. That you could handle this. You were wrong.
But, a part of you is proud. Proud that you’ve finally gotten it off your chest. Keeping it buried for so long only made it worse.
“Hey.” You hand grabs your knife as you spin around and hold it up.
“Dammit Joel,” You mutter as you lower your hand. He comes and sits next to you. Grunting as he tries to get comfortable. He doesn’t talk. He tries, but he doesn’t know how to.
“I uh, I talked to Maria. Said she could take you off patrol for as long as you need.” You sigh and lean against the house.
“It’s not about patrol Joel. It’s…” You look down at your hands, playing with the knife as you gather your thoughts.
“I’m tired.”
“Well I’m sure its alright if you sleep in tomorrow.”
“No Joel, I mean I’m tired of everything. I’m sick of being strong. I’m not a strong person. I tried for so long, but I just want to be happy again.” Tears silently stream down your cheeks as you reveal your deepest kept secret to Joel.
"Do you ever think about what life would be like if this never happened? I think about it a lot." You admit.
“I know I promised you I’d be strong but…I can’t do it anymore. I know it’s selfish but..” You missed the world before all of this.
You don’t want to fight for every meal or kill people anymore. You want to wake up in a warm bed and have breakfast with your family. You wish your biggest problem was how boring your job was.
“It’s not selfish.” Joel says.
“I think about that too. I miss life before this. I miss a lot about it.” You lean against this shoulder. The two of you thinking of life before this, what life would have been if this never happened.
“You said you weren’t strong, but I disagree.” You look at Joel, waiting for him to continue.
“I think you’re plenty strong. It’s not weak to want your old life back. It’s not weak to feel the way you do about everything. Everyday you prove how strong you are just by being here.” Joel doesn’t sugarcoat anything. He doesn’t believe in sparing feelings so you know that he’s not lying. Maybe he’s not just talking to you either.
“Thank you Joel.” He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.
His lips gently press against your forehead. Maybe someday you’ll go back to the life you remember. It won’t be the same and that’s okay.
As long as you keep going, one day at a time. 
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auspicioustidings · 5 months
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The Revelation
Summary: You are pretty happy with the cult you have made for yourself, but when two newcomers show up you can't help but think how far you could go with this.
(this is a one-shot, I stg if your only comment on this is to say 'part 2' I will feed you to the tomato plants! If you like it and have brain worms about it by all means send those to me and we can bounce ideas around)
Words: 6.6k
CWs: Cult shit, dubcon (everyone is manipulating each other here), light petplay (hope you're proud of yourself Bo I am incapable of writing Ghoap without Johnny being a puppy now), smut, murder, slight allusion to cannibalism (in a round about way, just putting it here for safety), Catholicism
The Death of God happened on a gloomy Thursday afternoon. One moment he had been mowing the lawn and the next thing he had an epiphany about hating his suburban life, hating his suburban wife, hating the 2 kids and hating the lawnmower he had spent his last bonus on. 
The Revelation happened on a sunny Friday morning when you had popped up on his tiktok feed and told him that you understood him, that you were there for him. He had made his way to the commune, telling his wife it was just a visit to find himself. And he did. Which of course meant he never came home.
Truly you would consider yourself some what of a miracle working taking in this portly, charisma void of a businessman and turning him into some semblance of interesting. Well as interesting as anyone in this little slice of heaven. He had a fascination with growing tomatoes now. Good for him. 
The hundreds of little deaths of God had been great for business. When someone had a crisis, when someone thought they were broken, when someone just couldn't fucking take it anymore, that's when they were so desperate to believe in something that you could make them happy with a smile and a kind word every so often. You could keep them happy (well, what they believed was happy and wasn't that all that mattered?) by keeping them a little tired, a little hungry and occasionally a little high. Good for the soul really, that's what you always said. 
Surely you deserved to live on a steady diet of champagne, strawberries and decadence for all the good work you did. They all understood how difficult it was to be you. And despite your trials weren't you still so lovely to them? Even when they acted out you were gentle in your reminders that they needed fixing, that you were only ever there to help, that their friends and families would try and convince them otherwise because they didn't understand what it was to be broken. You opened your arms to them always, it was in their nature to err and in yours to forgive. 
Honestly you could keep this up for the rest of your life. A small group of people devoted to you, happy in their worship and happy in their toil. No violence needed to keep them compliant, just a soft touch and the occasional psychological torture as necessary. You had no aspirations to go beyond this, you had it good. No need for a death cult or to make yourself an actual God to them. You already had your champagne and strawberries after all, life was good. 
They were big, these two new men to your little oasis. It would be a tricky thing to half starve them you thought, but then it would also be a shame to have them lose all that bulk that you found you quite enjoyed looking at. Still, it was important for enlightenment and all that.
So you gave them a steady supply of soft smiles and reassuring touches, a diet of “yes this is an eco-living commune!” and “oh I never thought anyone would want to join me out here, I just got very lucky that so many wonderful people share the same morals.” They went easy of course, ex-military, used to structure and relying on someone above them to do the thinking. Perfect for you really, just two attack dogs that were impeccably trained.
They neglected to tell you that they hadn't been regular military, that they had been high ranked special operators in an elite task force. That would have made you suspicious after all and it was better you thought them stupid. Johnny had seen you on tiktok and wanted you and Simon never denied his boy anything, so here they were, playing you completely into their hands.
First it was getting themselves special privileges, unlimited access to food, a home right next to yours, full evenings of rest. Hadn't been hard to make you think it was your idea.
“Och it's alright lass, I ken we're naw military anymore. Dinnae need tae be a lean, mean, killing machine oot here.”
“Of course not Johnny, I'd hope you think you're very safe here.”
“Aye, feel safe with you. Ye look after us. Wish ye would let us look after you more!”
“I don't need anymore than I already have, but it's so wonderful of you to say, truly.”
Then a few days later when there had been time for that little declaration to settle in.
“Simon! How are you, I didn't see you yesterday.”
“Sorry, pulled my shoulder something awful. Felt like a right git not being able to do work properly.”
“Oh that's terrible, how did you pull it?”
“Ah just lack of training is all. Too used to being strong, retirement doesn't really lend itself to that.”
“You're still plenty strong!”
“I hope so. Some of the things I hear about what people's families think of you… if it ever came down to it, I want you to know I'd protect you with my life. Both me and Johnny would, strong or not.”
You had really been given an absolute gift here. That was something that had been making you a little paranoid. If family members escalated to violence there was really nothing you could do. You were a lover (here meaning awful con artist but that was just semantics) not a fighter. And now there was a solution right in your lap.
“How would you and Johnny feel about being security then? I'd hate to think we'd ever need it of course, but it would make people feel safer. Some of their families are terrible people I'm afraid, I don't want anyone to get hurt because someone tries something violent” you said gently, of course concerned for these innocent people being viciously abused by their awful families (these brainwashed people being taken by their loved ones to recover and live meaningful lives again, lives which did not involved maintaining your champagne and strawberry habit).
“If you ask us of course we'd never say no, it's just… would it be ok to have an hour a day to train? It's such an honour to protect this place, not looking to half arse it.”
“Of course! Come to my house with Johnny after supper and we can discuss some accommodations for your new roles.”
“How does that sound?” you asked, soft as silk.
You knew how it sounded, it sounded like you were the damn second coming. Giving them unrestricted food and sleep, telling them you'd have a house for them built right by your side? You knew it was working by how Johnny's eyes had went big and wet, projecting puppy-like adoration. And Simon? Oh that big, delicious man stood and walked over to you so he could kneel at your feet. Fuck you had never felt better about yourself.
“We don't deserve so much of your consideration. I-” he said, the first time you had heard him struggle to get words out through his emotion. “I want to thank you properly.”
He said it like it was a revelation and it peaked your interest. You could have squealed with delight when his cheek leant against your knee, your dress pushed by his face to let skin meet skin, eyes locked with yours as he turned to kiss your flesh. You hadn't fucked any of your followers, too messy. But these weren't regular followers anymore right? No, these were special followers. And it had been so long and he was looking at you like he was desperate to give you any pleasure he could. 
Oh Simon was desperate all right, had been thinking about getting you sloppy and pathetic for him since Johnny had excitedly shown him that bloody video of you acting like an innocent little lamb. He wanted to just barrel in, bend you over and claim you right away. It was Johnny who insisted it would be more fun to trick you, who had whined like a bitch about it until he got his way. Bloody MacTavish. He really needed to train those puppy dog eyes right out of the boy. Those had got him to indulge in all sort of risks already. Nearly fucked the whole plan right up when you had come dangerously close to catching him balls deep in Johnny in your bed, absolutely ruining him as per his own puppy dog eyed request.
For his part Johnny was positively giddy. He might give away the game if he really got to watch Simon taste you. Would he play gently with you? Oh my God would he pretend he was inexperienced to make you feel superior? Let you think you were guiding him? That might kill him dead. He tried to not fucking salivate and start panting at the thought of it. 
“Then thank me properly.”
Fuck the way his eyes lit up at that. This gorgeous man wanted you, he wanted to please you. As a hand squeezed your calf and he started to drag his mouth up your bare leg you felt the sick thrill of wondering how far they would go for you. Already people had given up families, friends, wealth. You had never pushed it beyond, horrified whenever you thought about how delicious it would be if they would die for you, kill for you and so shoving those dark thoughts to the back of your mind. 
But you didn't want Simon to die for you. You did want to see how far you could push, how deep his devotion ran. To that end you wove fingers through his hair and pulled him off of your thigh, his eyes flickering from your wet panties sticking to your cunt up to your own eyes in question. 
“I want you to kiss Johnny.”
You said it like a woman possessed. Fuck. That's exactly what you wanted. You wanted these big masculine men to fuck against their own desires but do it for you. They were dumb jocks really, probably had never fumbled around with another man before. They'd find it hard, find it wrong. You didn't really consider yourself a bad person before this moment, just a clever one. This was straying into something else, some monstrous part of you that was salivating with the thought of finally being released. 
“Will you do that for me?”
You heard a choked sort of noise and looked over to see Johnny hiding his face in his hands. Of course, big Scottish man must be scared of doing such a thing. Or rather having such a thing done to him. You imagined it would be some attack to his sense of self to have a bigger man press a kiss onto him. Fuck maybe he would tear up. Maybe he would fully cry if Simon pushed inside of him. You hoped that God really was dead because if not you were sure They'd have some stern words for you after this. 
“Oh I've never…”
Fuuuuuck. Simon's vulnerable eyes darting from Johnny to you were liable to make you cum on the fucking spot. You smiled indulgently down on him, running a hand over his face is a caress. 
“You know I only ever do what's best for you don't you? I wouldn't ever ask you to do anything that isn't for the greater good. Do you believe in me Simon?” you said, the years of practice infusing your tone with a cloying sweetness. 
“Yes” he replied, barely a breathy whisper of affirmation. 
His glazed eyes looked at you with such adoration before he nuzzled his face into your hand and left a kiss there before making his way across to where Johnny was sitting on the sofa, face still hidden in his hands. He went over on his knees, crawled. You pressed your fingers against your throbbing clit, cupping yourself to try and tell your body to calm down because there was so much more to come. 
Simon crawled between Johnny’s legs, going up on his knees and grabbing Johnny’s nape to drag his face down. He was whispering something in his ear, maybe trying to settle him, trying to assure him this was what they needed to do for you. Of course had you been aware Simon was hissing at Johnny to keep it together, to stop laughing about how easily you were falling for this, then the whole thing would really have been ruined. Luckily Johnny was still a soldier, Simon still his LT, so when he was ordered to put his game face on he did it. And luckily Johnny was still a good boy, Simon was still his master, so he knew that squeezing at his pup's nape always got that furrow in his brow to relax, got him eager to please and ready to tear up at the first little tease or overstimulation.  
It was really destiny that you would be this level of power hungry, this eager to push and see what you could make people do. He had been training Johnny to put all his eager to please energy to good use for years, had turned a feral mutt into a feral mutt with impeccable training. The chance to turn a corrupt fox into a corrupt fox whose only desire was to be stroked and pampered was making him painfully hard. Johnny had been right, tricking you was far more delicious than just forcing you into it.  
When he moved Johnny’s hands from his face it was to reveal a man looking ruined, looking liquid eyed and flushed. Simon mouthed a good boy to him before pressing a kiss to his lips. It was calculatedly shy and tentative and he kept a steadying hand on Johnny’s knee, squeezing when he felt he might lose control and start panting and licking his way into his mouth as he usually tried to do. Simon couldn’t very well punish him right now without giving the game away, so he just had to use the suggestion of a future punishment. 
After the first peck you watched a slow and decadent slide into forbidden desire. They got a little bolder with each press of lips, seemed to squirm a bit more with the struggle of it feeling good but wrong. When Simon pulled away and Johnny whined despite himself you slid your hand past your waistband, needing to touch yourself or you’d die. 
“You’d like it if Simon used his tongue wouldn’t you Johnny? Would be nice to feel it against yours. It’s important that you two are close isn’t it? To do your jobs well that is.”
Johnny would have agreed with full enthusiasm and pounced Simon to get them both on the floor so he could rut his hips down into the cock he was desperate for, but the hand at his bad knee squeezed again and the spark of pain reminded him of the mission. So instead he looked at you, teary and unsure.
“H-his tongue? I… I’m naw…”
“You’re not what Johnny?”
“It’s wrong.”
“Who told you that?”
You watched him play with the thin chain around his neck, the crucifix falling out of his shirt. Catholic. Oh this must be even more torturous for him. No matter, you had killed plenty of Gods already, you could kill his. Watch guilt eat and eat and eat at him until finally he gave in to the desire. Gave in to you. Let any other divine figure die in favour of a new God.
“Oh Johnny, do you think I would lead you into temptation? It’s ok, I would never make you. If you don’t like it that’s fine, you can both call it a night hm? Security is a tough job, I would never think less of you for not being up to the task. My fault really, I must have mistaken the potential I saw in you.”
He surged forward and shoved his tongue past Simon’s teeth and you moaned deeply, fingers so slippery that getting proper friction on your clit was a challenge now. You did not think you had ever been so wet in your life, feeling slick trickle out of you as they clumsily seemed to fight for dominance, saliva dripping down Johnny’s chin from how much he was trying to follow your instructions, how deep he was trying to pull Simon’s tongue with his into his mouth. 
When they next pulled away they both seemed dazed, like they couldn't believe they had just done that. Poor Simon turned to look at your pleadingly, legs widening so you could see he was straining against his pants. He was rock solid from making out with Johnny and you were cumming all at once, hips rolling in time with your fingers as you breathed out instructions with your cunt still clenching in waves.
“Good, so good for me. Want you both to cum, get all of that tension out. Wouldn't ever leave you wanting would I?”
They both looked needy, but the fact that they quietly waited for instructions on how to cum was possibly the most erotic thing you had ever seen. 
“It's OK, you can help each other. That's what it's all about here isn't it? Helping those in need in the community, and you're both in need. Jerk your cocks together, it'll be bonding for you to cum together like that.”
They fucking did it. Simon shoved his pants down enough to free the absolute monster of a cock he had and dragged Johnny only his lap on the floor. Johnny's cock was thick as anything and just as hard. Fuck the image of Johnny taking Simon’s cock, taking every hard inch of him in his ass. Crying about how it wouldn't fit, how it was wrong. Clutching his crucifix. You needed to make it happen soon. Maybe you could make Johnny wear a plug, say it was part of training. Get him ready to be fucked by his friend and once superior without him ever realising that's what you were doing. 
Their precum was already making the slide of it easier as Simon took the lead, big hand wrapping around both of them and slowly pumping, staring at it in fascination. You were slowly overstimulating your clit, feeling that tension start growing again already. 
“Spit on it Johnny.”
He did it without hesitation, his saliva making Simon’s jerking squelch. It didn't take long until Johnny was begging, needing to cum. You didn't even register that it wasn't you he was looking at as he begged, you were too lost in sensation, eyes locked on their cocks rubbing together.
“Go on, cum. Both of you.”
Simon sped his hand and his low grunt (the ‘s’ok pup, cum’ so low you hadn’t heard it over your pleasure) combined with Johnny's drooling and panting sent you spiralling over the edge again as they both shot ropes of sticky cum all over each other.  
Fuck. What else could you make people do?
Over the next few weeks life got even easier for you. Simon and Johnny were excellent right hands, earning respect from all of your followers and taking on almost all of the tasks you had (which you had made sure were as minimal as possible already, the whole point of this endeavour was to live an easy life). 
Simon was careful to make sure to be seen with you, start planting the seeds in people's minds that they were an extension of you. Johnny was rapidly losing patience which made him incredibly satisfying to fuck because he got to beat every single complaint out of him. It was him that wanted to go this route so he was going to finish what he started. It had been a long time since he had seen Johnny get so worked up over anything and he forgot how much he enjoyed him when he was like this, biting at every little bit of bait that Simon left with the express purpose of having an excuse to punish him later for it. 
Johnny needed putting down when he got this wound up, at this point Simon had taken him over his knee at least once a day, collared and leashed him most nights, fucked him silly so much that he was constantly aching and plugged to keep ready for a quickie when he needed it. Which right now was inhumanly often and with them still in the bunkhouse they were having to get very creative with the venue. Johnny was going especially feral given that you had only been alone with them once more since you had promoted them and you had acted like last time had never happened. Clever actually, Simon had to hand it to you, you were very good at playing with people. He could see the little glimmer in your eye, the delight at seeing how Johnny seemed to be vibrating with anticipation of something that never came. You were setting him up to beg, making sure that when he gave in and went directly against his God that it would be him pleading for you to let him do so.
It wasn’t like you had ever been close enough to tell, but that little cross around Johnny’s neck had SR carved into the back of it. Simon had corrupted the Roman Catholic out of this pup years ago, the cross only came out on special occasions when Johnny wanted to play coy and innocent or when Simon wanted to remind him who he belonged to (because it certainly wasn’t a God, it was his fucking lieutenant). Well and now, when they both knew the sight of it would give you such a power trip that you’d fall right into their trap. 
“I was thinking about your house” you said, the three of you standing where the foundations were already being put down. 
“Aye?”
“It just seems such a waste when I have extra bedrooms in my home.”
“It would be such an honour to stay in any of them. Would we not be intruding?��
“Of course not Simon, you are my right hand men now. It makes sense for you to stay close to me. To one another.”
You swore you could see Johnny’s ears perk up, a phantom tail flicking quickly behind him in rapt attention at that. Of course their minds would go there, just like you wanted them to. It hadn’t been too difficult for you to be patient, to play with them so that you didn’t push too far too fast. It was something you were very good at. 
“Would you… still let us build something here?”
“Oh?”
“I think a temple of sorts would be nice. Somewhere for you to relax. You work so hard for all of us and if you are taking us into your space I’d hate for you to have nowhere to go to meditate alone.”
It only took a few days to wear you down. You had no idea how much influence they already had with your followers, how easy it was for them to plant that idea there and have them be the ones appealing to you to please allow them to do this for you. And while that shred of morality you had left was screaming at you not to do this, not to actually Deify yourself lest it go too far, the adoration inflated your ego and drowned your conscience out. 
So they started to build your temple.
“Ah! Like that. That’s it, that’s what I need” you moaned out, Simon in between your legs worshipping. 
You had moved them into your home, the large house comfortable and spacious in comparison to the bunkhouse the other followers stayed in, and that night Simon had come to your room and gotten on his knees for you. How could you say no to him? 
The adoration of your followers was nothing compared to this. They loved you yes, but fuck Simon was reverant, tongue swirling around your cunt so there was more holy water for him to glut himself on. This was decadent, languid on your bed with him focusing entirely on your pleasure, expecting nothing in return. This man who was spending his days by your side, overlooking the building of a temple in your honour. You could not decide in this moment if you wanted him to fuck you on the altar when it was done or if you wanted to fuck him. 
It was a good conundrum to have because you felt that you could simply have both. You could have whatever the fuck you wanted with this man by your side. Who could stand against him and Johnny? And who would ever worship you more? You had never actually bought your own bullshit before, but if he kept this up maybe you were some sort of God because how else could you be living this deliciously?
You tugged his hair sharply to get him off of you and pushed at him until he was on his back. You would take what you wanted from him because it was your right to do so. He did not complain as you settled your cunt on his face and rode him, if anything his clever tongue worked harder to please you. You held his head and used him, and he drank you down and thanked you for the privilege after, vanishing out of your room as silently as he had arrived.
It only took another few weeks for Johnny to break and oh he broke so perfectly. Simon came to your room every night to pray, and Johnny must know, must have heard how Simon spilled thank yous against your cunt even as you pushed down to deprive him of oxygen, even as you smeared your slick all over his face, moving exactly as you liked with no consideration of him. You never touched him in any way meant for his pleasure, only to use him for yours.
It was not Simon who knocked lightly on the door. Simon didn’t knock at all, he always just let himself in. 
“Come in Johnny.”
He was nervous, that much was clear. You did enjoy the sight of him in only his boxers and crucifix, moonlight doing wonders in making him look incredibly edible. You wanted to knead his pecs like they were tits, wanted to sink your teeth into the meat of his neck until you tasted blood and he cried out your name instead of his God’s.
“I want…”
“Hm? You want?”
“Will ye let me please ye? I ken Si… I’m naw good enough for ye, but I want tae be. It’s just, I’ve never uh… I’m a quick study.”
And with perfect timing, in walked Simon. Couldn’t have planned it better yourself (well, actually Johnny had planned it, Simon had laughed and ruffled his hair at how eager he had been to act the part of the blushing virgin before unhooking the leash and getting him out of his collar and into his crucifix).
“Good evening Simon” you purred. 
The man didn’t really acknowledge that Johnny was in the room, instead going to his place by the foot of your bed and kneeling. It was always where you started, with him lapping at you until you ordered him onto the bed or the floor so you could take what you needed. Only you pushed him away with your foot when he tried to pull at your shorts, holding him at leg length and looking at Johnny.
“Come sit will you?”
He nervously shuffled over, sitting next to you on the bed with his eyes darting uncomfortably down to Simon kneeling pretty, your foot still holding him away from you. He swallowed and you thought it sweet how he held your gaze to avoid watching as you motioned for Simon to move and he did so without hesitation. Johnny still didn’t look at him even as you put a hand to his knee to make him spread his legs enough for Simon’s broad shoulders to fit between them. 
“If you want to learn I’d never stop you Johnny, I want you to be the best at the things you’d like. And I’m sure Simon makes a wonderful teacher.”
Simon didn’t need prompting, obedient and perfect boy that he was. He started licking up Johnny’s thick thigh the same way he would have if you were sitting there. Johnny, bless him, gripped onto your leg like it was a lifeline, fingers digging into the plush flesh hard enough that you imagined it may leave marks. You swallowed his loud whine with your mouth when Simon slipped his boxers down and took his hard cock right to the root. It almost made you laugh, if you tried to take that in your throat you would certainly be gagging and crying.
When you pulled away Johnny was a whining mess, one hand fisted in the sheets and the other still dug into the fat of your thigh. You wondered if he had ever gotten head. Certainly not from another man. Oh wouldn’t his priest be so disappointed in him. You could imagine a severe man in the robes of God, looking with disgust at the whore before him. But you were a kinder creature, letting him indulge in pleasure without telling him he couldn’t. 
Well, to a point. You pushed Simon to stop with the frankly immaculate looking blow job when it was clear from Johnny’s hips rutting that he was close. Then you swung your leg around, straddling Johnny and squeezing yourself to him, stopping him from trying to get friction from you.
“Not yet Johnny, you need to be patient hm? Simon, open him up. Tongue first, then fingers.”
Johnny was tearing up, looking at you like he didn’t understand why you were doing this while feeling horribly guilty that he liked it. He howled when Simon’s tongue started playing at his rim, his hands gripping at your hips to try and make you move against him. You put a hand to his throat and squeezed lightly.
“It’s ok, you can take it can’t you?”
“I-I cannae, please bonnie, I’m naw- I dinnae-” he whined before he choked on nothing, eyes blown wide, “h-his tongue is, fuck it’s inside.”
“I know Johnny, I know. Is it too much then? Should I tell him to stop? If you can’t take it, then at least you tried” you said, sweet as anything but putting a tiny edge of disappointment into your tone.
“I can take it! Please, I can! Dinnae make him stop, I can take whatever ye gie me!”
“Good boy.”
Oh, the reaction to those two words was worth exploring. It was like he changed from a man to some pathetic animal, eyes watery and begging, hands pawing at your hips while his own desperately tried to buck up. You felt how he froze, heard how he choked when Simon pressed a finger into him.
“Hmm that’s it, take what you’re given, you’ll be good and hold off for me hm?” you cooed, moving a hand to run fingers under his chain, all the way around until you were behind his neck and could yank, have that crucifix choking him. “Looks better like this Johnny, almost like a pretty collar for you.”
Jackpot. Even with you clamping down to give him as little room for friction as possible you felt the hot gush of his cum, him getting there from being choked, being compared to a dog to be collared. Well if he was going to be a mutt that came without your permission, the permission of his master, then he needed to learn his place no?
“Fuck pet, told you to be patient.”
“Sorry, m’sorry bonnie. Ah! M-make him stop, s’too much!”
“Make him stop? But he’s been good for me, followed everything I’ve asked, You went ahead and finished without permission. Wouldn’t make sense to punish him and reward you, I need to be fair pet.”
He was clearly overstimulated, his hips trying to rut even as he gasped at every bit of friction he got. Oh you wanted to see him fucked out and ruined. You wanted his heart on a fucking platter.
“More Simon. Johnny here is going to let you fuck him tonight, so you need to open him up properly.”
“I-I-” Johnny stuttered, bottom lip quivering and eyes wide and wet. If you weren't so high on the decadence of having these two men at your mercy you’d have questioned just how practised that was. 
“Tell me Johnny. Tell me what it is you want.”
Tell me what it is I want to hear that you want. Be a good boy, don’t disappoint me. You’d hate to disappoint me after all I’ve done for you.
“I want Simon tae fuck me tonight.”
“Good boy” you said, hammering that final nail in God’s coffin as you yanked again at the chain so hard it snapped, taking your trophy and tossing it onto your desk without ever having examined it closely.
You watched Simon ruin him at your command. You drank their praise like champagne, bit into their gratitude like strawberries bursting their juice on your chin. You were greedy in how many times you used them for your pleasure, their fingers, their tongues, the sight of them overcome with hedonistic abandon. 
You felt like a God.
The temple was beautiful, no effort or expense spared. The first floor was a space for everyone, for the brand new community gatherings that you occasionally led but had mostly been letting Simon and Johnny lead. Above that was two glorious floors of space only for you. The only other people permitted to set foot in here were your two right hands. It was something else, being in the luxuriant bed drinking champagne and watching the two of them play with each other for your benefit. 
You could not stop thinking about the way Johnny had writhed at the mention of a collar when you had taken his crucifix for yourself (it still sat on the desk right where you had left it). You could not stop imagining how such a thing would look around his thick neck, how your other followers would look at it and be jealous that he got to be so visibly claimed by you.
As always your wish was their command. Simon had presented you with a gorgeous necklace of sorts, almost a choker, the pendant a symbol you didn’t recognise. 
“This doesn’t look like a collar for you.”
“It’s for you. The symbol is from the cult of Venus, we thought… well we thought if you could wear it, show people, then when we wore it…”
“You want them to know you are wearing it for me.”
Perfect fucking boys weren’t they. They didn’t just want to show up in a collar, they wanted to show up in a symbol associated with you. It was pretty enough what they had chosen, delicate and clearly made with care and devotion. You turned and lifted your hair so he could put it on you and the very next community gathering was Johnny eagerly explaining the symbol to your followers. It was etched into the temple walls soon after. 
The realisation happened all at once. You only attended community gatherings for special occasions now and when you did they were all looking at you like you were their God made flesh. Your followers had become something else, something well beyond a little eco-living commune. That had not been your doing. 
The door was locked. You could not leave your space in the Temple. Your hand flew to the back of your necklace, realising with a startle that you couldn’t take it off. Simon and Johnny never did have collars made. Why would they? You were rapidly realising they had never intended to. You looked in the mirror, tried to find a clue. The pendant… it was only when you drew it over and over again that you figured it out. This wasn’t some symbol of an old Goddess, it was the letters S R J M twisted around to make a pretty symbol. You sat and stewed, waiting for them to get back. When they did you were sat on the bed, glowering at them.
“Aww ye figure us out bonnie?”
“You played me.”
“Like a fucking violin sweetheart” Simon cooed, walking over to flick the pendant. 
You huffed up at him. Everything was completely fucked now. You had all but ordered your followers to treat these two as your spokesmen. You had been slowly vanishing from public life, ingraining in their minds that you were a God who lived in a temple and only graced them with your presence when they had really earned it. All this after years of breaking them down so they thought nothing they ever did was good enough, so of course they would never think they had earned it. 
And you had never used violence for anything, you were soft and lived on champagne and strawberries for fuck sake, it wasn’t like you could brute force your way out of this. You were enough of a schemer to know when you had been outplayed.
“So the little shy virginal act?”
Johnny laughed and came over to nuzzle into your hair.
“Ye’d naw believe how many times Si has been in my arse hen, this isnae even the first house of God he’s bent me over in.”
You scowled and pushed his head away, but his eyes only sparkled with excitement as he bullied it right back into nuzzling you like a fucking dog. 
“Pup has been so excited about you finally figuring it out. You’ve been teasing him for months now, don’t think it’s time to give him a treat for how well behaved he’s been for you?”
It’s not like you were against the idea, it had been delicious being the dominant one all this time but there was something interesting about the idea of letting Simon take control, letting him get Johnny to fuck you the way you had let him fuck Johnny. Because that would be the case you knew now. It was so obvious knowing what you knew, you really should have figured out way sooner that Simon had always been in control. All the things you had done since he got here that you had thought your ideas weren’t yours at all, he had put them in your head. 
“So that’s it then? You keep me here and take over?”
Simon was looking at you with something deranged behind those eyes. It was dreadfully exciting. 
“You're coming to tonight's community gathering. You can decide if puppy gets a treat after that.”
The Birth of God happened on that brilliant Friday evening. One moment you had been fighting against your conscience, and the next you had let go. You had walked forward, no floated, and pressed a holy kiss to his head. Watching one of your followers plunge a knife into the heart of another on your altar, both with a smile on their faces, was fucking beautiful.
The Revelation happened about the same time. You dipped your fingers in the blood (the same colour as those tomatoes he so loved, the tomatoes that his body would feed and your followers would eat) and marked his murderer with your symbol, the initials of the men that had made you God. 
Puppy had more than earned his treat.
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silvershiningtarot · 1 year
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❤️❤️Pac18+ Channeled Letter From FS ❤️💋
* take a minute to get into the mood of this reading. These are Five Piles. All channeled Messages from your Spouses. Some of them were irritated but sweet but a lot of them were funny as hell. They made me laugh. But anyway Take what resonates and what doesn't leave the rest alone. Enjoy them. Inhale and Exhale.. 🥲🥲💋
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Dear My Love,
Damn, I've been missing you all day today. I'm sorry I haven't got back to you lately. I've just been busy as always. Did you get my message? I hope that you've been working on yourself and not nobody else bullshit. I wanna make up for all those times I've missed with you. Again thank you for being my rock. I know it is your energy. I can feel it. Make sure you're working out, and staying out of trouble. I'm tired of you doubting our connection. We are meant to be. Don't you feel it? I'm coming home soon. I know don't see it yet but at least try to act like I'm there. I know right who tf am I say that that right. I want someone to complain to right now. There's a lot of pain I've been holding onto that I wanna let go. I can't. I can't even cry right now because I have to make sure my family and others are well. Of course, I wanna meet you. You're my wife. I don't know what the future holds for us. But let's not tend to look over there right now. I know I get caught up in the future as well. You are my favorite person in the world to me. I can't say too much it seems like I am supposed to keep quiet about this. But I just wanna say thank you for holding your ground baby. All the negative people don't pay them any mind because, in the end, they won't even matter anymore to us. I know I sound like I'm shitting on myself but I feel like you are so damn perfect I'm just me. Will you be my bride-to-be? Haha 😂🤣 I know I'm rushing. I just wanna get to know you already. Your energy fulfilled me. You and I are made for each other. What can I say? That I love you, my starlight. You shine so much on your own and you don't even know it. I'm giving you so much credit! You should give it to yourself more often. I can see the potential in you. Always look up at the stars and count them I'm right there looking at them too. Rose is red, violets are blue, I wanted to say, baby, forgive you. I know I suck at rhyme but that's all I can think of. 🤣. Anyways thank you for letting me air out my feelings for you and a little bit about my life. Thank you, my dear. Yours truly Best Friend.
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SIGH, My cupcake 🧁
My sweet darling cupcake, Where have you been all my life? Just sitting around. May I be completely honest with you? What the fuck happened to you? I mean I've missed you in my dreams. I don't see you anymore. Are you mad at me or something? Tell me what I did wrong so we can fix the issue. Like Tuh, TODAY! I hope you do not purposely ignore me. That shit is unfair. I’m sorry, I didn't mean to come off as a dickhead but you're being a dickhead to me. So what are you talking to someone else? Is there someone else on your mind? That's right I can say I'm irritated by you. But you're so damn lucky I can't stay mad at you it's so hard for me to stay mad at you. I mean look at you. You're my fucking cupcake. You are the most precious person in the world to me. I get overly possessive over you. I'll hunt someone down if they hurt you! Just say the magic word, my love. I'll fucking do it. You look so goddamn beautiful. You are a fucking goddess to me. My everything, my soulmate, my soul family. Yes! I've been dying to say that but I gotta little choke up for a second. But How are you doing? Are you okay? Whenever you're not feeling okay think of us. Think about our house together, marriage, babies, etc. Whatever you can think of us. Do it! I don't like it when you are feeling down it makes me feel down. Thank you for walking beside me, and now it's my turn to walk beside you. It's okay give me your burden. I'll carry them for you. I know I come off as aggressive, and dominant but that's just me being overly protective and worrying about you. You know damn well you would do the same for me too. Anyways I have to go. But I'll talk to you soon. Keep your head up. Don't let anyone disrespect you at all. Keep it pushing, if the people in your life were meant to fall off then fucking let them don't pick them up after they fucking fall. I'm sorry 💔. Let me catch my breath. I love you my sweet cupcake. (excited) I get so excited saying look at me all giggly now hahaha!!! Always keep your head up. My cupcake, you are forever mine never forget that. Please. Make sure to take it easy on yourself why don't you? I like it when you dress up all pretty. I love your body, face, and everything about you. I just wanna kiss your body. All up and down.
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Dear My teddy bear 🧸🧸
Ahhh, I wanna fucking scream 🙀right now but I'm cooling down right now. Okay, I'm calm now. I'm just so excited to talk to you. I don't know maybe it's me or it's just your fucking energy getting me all work up. I love when you are excited and work up like I am💋. Always teddy bear. How are you? I've missed you today. It seems like I haven't talked to you all day today. But what's been going on with your life? I hope you having a good day today. Make sure you are smiling too. I love it when you smile, shoo you probably smile right now as I'm talking to you. Can you hear me? Reach out to me. Oh, there's so much I have to say to you. I do. The first thing is. Did you eat today? I hope you did. Get your strength up. Did anyone fuck with you today? Like trouble you. I get it you have your difficulties to face, but I'm still here. I wanna be your knight and shine Amor. I know I sound like a fairytale dream guy or whatever but here's my thing though! Even if I'm so type of fantasy to you. You can pull me out, right? Whatever that stupid saying you die in the dream you die for real obviously not! Haha, but what I'm trying to say is if you are dreaming about me❤️‍🔥 that means I'm real to you. I'm manifesting you come into my life. I may know your face but I felt you before and your energy. It's is always the same I can tell that it's you. If that makes sense. I know I'm a fucking goofy ball! I think it's your energy I told you it's YOU!! HA! I love it though. But my sweet teddy bear! I wanna cuddle next to you. That's right I am a cuddle! Since I'm tall I like to get a cuddle. That's why I call you my teddy bear. You're so soft and warm 🔅. Whenever you're laying in your bed, you are not alone. Like Michael Jackson's song “You are not alone, I'm Here with You. Though far away I'm here to stay🍒. Because you are not alone.” some shit like that. Well, that's the song that came into my head I wanna send that to you. Holy snap! I think that I just put our wedding song Oops yikes my bad. Or you don't mind. ❤️❤️🧸❤️❤️. My gorgeous darling. How can I ever repay you? Not money but I wish I can snap my finger. You can fall into my arms just like that. Haha! Only like a fairytale movie. To be real! I like the villains more than the heroes. Do you ever realize that? Huh? Funny isn't it? They always make the villains describe our reality. Man! That's hilarious, isn't it? But anyways I wanna send you all the kisses! In the world, I hope you can feel them. Love you! I am coming to you in your dream so gear up. Love ya!
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My Hero
Oh, my hero girl! I've been missing your touch lately. This red string is meant for you. I can't attach it to someone else. It's not there, to begin with anyway. I know that I've to overthink a lot about things. I got bad supporters, people, and businesses that have just been fucking me over. I'm trying to wrap my head around this what I'm doing wrong. Do I deserve what I think I deserve? I know deserve you but then I don't sometimes. See! Overthinking again. Maybe if you were here then I won't be feeling this way doubting myself and our connection. I feel that we have something together. I mean look at you and look at me. Would date someone like me? Would you be with someone like me? After everything from my past that you heard all over the blogs, social media, and news. Would you? I know I wouldn't. I'm competing with myself. All the time. The more I think about the bad, the more I trap myself. I wanna wake up from this nightmare I've been working on. My hero, I haven't been okay lately. I had fallen sick not like that if you know what I mean just depressed lately. I've been wanting to talk to you but I figure I wasn't strong enough to do it. Well, I'm here now so that counts. I have a mindset of wanting new beginnings for myself. Because I deserve better than this. You understand me, right? Am I talking too much? I don't want to annoy you. Just want someone to talk to and understand me just for once. I isolated myself away from people. Going through a lot of ups and downs with some business stuff. Don't worry my little hero I got this. I thank you for your concern for me. That's one thing that I love about you. Everything about you is so special. We are match-made from heaven. We were to incarnate down here to be together. Maybe it's time for us to finally meet. What do you think? I mean if I'm toxic for you then stay fuck away from me. If I'm in a dark place why the hell would I want my hero involved with that? I would be hurt because these are my demon to face. But anyway. Can I tell you about my dream about us? I saw us on a beach just laying down on the sand holding you while hearing the beautiful breeze of the ocean. I think back at those dreams all the time. Sorry, I can't tell you to rest because I don't want to give the rest out right now. But my little hero is always here to save my day. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I think that sometimes I've burned myself out all the time. But I'm working on myself even more. I'm slowly freeing myself. I feel like someone is betraying me I don't even know who it is. Ugh, you're right. I won't pay them any mind at all. I'll try not to. Again thanks for letting me share my side. Now it seems like I've seen you before. Where did I see you? Hmmm did you go to the same school as I did? Or work at the same place before. Your face I can't get out of my head. I can never get rid of your beautiful face of yours. Yes! See!! Haha, I'm smiling 😂🙃😛you brighten up my day. I hope I did the same thing for you my hero. I love you and take care of yourself, please. Muah 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋
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My Moonlight
When our fingers touch, my body goes into shock. Can you feel it? I sure can. There's no doubt in my mind that you are the one for me. I think that I've dreamt about you before. I dedicated songs to you before. Yours and mines are the same our soul. Once the two of us get together we are each other’s perfect match. You are the pieces to my puzzles and I am yours. The way you say things got me all twisted. Whenever I see your face I tried to find you again. But then I go back to sleep you're gone. My moonlight where did you go? Why did you disappear on me? I know isn't your fault. But I think that's crazy to say but you and I are Twin Flame or my other half. I love hearing your voice in my head. I daydream about you all the time. You come to like nobody's business! Don't worry I'm not ashamed of you. I tell my friends and people about you, but they all make fun of me like you aren't real. But to me you are real. I had vivid dreams about you. All the time. The way you say my name is so beautiful. Do you sing opera? It is so magnificent. I love it. When our soul combines. They are singing that we are each other’s forever. I never doubt that for a second. I know I got some bad friends, etc. But I don't pay those bitches no mind. Because they ain't my concern. I am! So you are my favorite person. I don't care if people think I'm crazy, or I need help because I talked to myself. Who doesn't talk to themselves? I'm sorry, I went down to an angry place let me breathe this out. Okay, anyways I look at the stars, I wish all the time for you to come into my life. I won't lie my life sometimes fucking boring. Ha 😂 I know you feel the same way too. But I know that I've been working to hard get my financials shit up. So I won't be able to talk to you. But whenever you're looking at the moon, you'll find me staring back at it. Because when the moon shines on your eyes that's my eyes glimpsing back at you. I know you can't feel me physically but feel me emotionally, and spiritually. We have a spiritual connection between you and me. I know you can feel and so can I. It may not be what you want all the time but it is worth the risk. I don't think you know how much you mean to me. You mean everything to me. I'm so proud of the work you've been doing for yourself. Let me give you around applause 👏🏾👏🏾 that's how much I'm proud of you. Thank you for being that much amazing to yourself. Don't feed into that anger. Whenever you are feeling angry or a negative thought came to mind burst that fucking ego. Shout it out if you have to. Shit call me and we’ll do it together. We are a partner no matter what. I know I come off as this softy but I don't care. I don't want anybody else touching you, or talking to you. I know sound possessive. I don't care I care about you so much. I can be a real fucking dickhead if I want to be but I choose not to be. Make sure you meditate and always remember what I said SELF-Control is important! Man, I gotta start making up homework for your ass! 🤣🤣😂 Anyways my other half I know you mean well. But I just wanna tell you!! You are my favorite person in the world. The Universe already blessed me enough with your light and energy. I'm just ready to enjoy it in person. How amazing you are. Thank you for choosing me. I'm glad you're my other half. Doesn't matter if we are soulmates, twin flames, or whatever. You still are my MOONLIGHT!! Forever & always. Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. No matter what. Don't be surrounded yourself by toxic people, or energies if they try to block them. Like I said call me I’ll help you push them out of the way. I love you my darling, you already know. 🧸💋💋❤️🧸
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0tivez · 7 months
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If I may pick your beautiful mind for thots on frustrated salaryman Nanami 👉👈
note: oh to be used by nanami as his stress toy...
warnings: female reader, angry sex, degradation, mdni.
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⁜ nanami loves coming home to his beautiful girlfriend after a long, exhausting day of work
⁜ you can see his mood improve the moment he sees you inside the house. his face brightens as he calls out your name, followed by a gentle (and relieved) "i'm home"
⁜ and you love taking the stress out of him; whether it's by cooking, kissing, cuddling. for stressful weeks, you make sure to have a hot bath ready for him as you're finishing up your cooking
⁜ but this week has been different
⁜ as the end of the year is getting closer, nanami often finds himself buried between stacks of boring paperwork, his mind so full that he can't even escape to think about you to at least have something to look up for
⁜ that's why he's been more uptight, less energized, with horrible libido
⁜ and although you try to give him space, it's starting to become frustrating for you- and you know he's frustrated too
⁜ so, one evening, you gather all the ingredients to prepare his favorite food. and as soon as he textx you "i'm coming home" (which is eerily later than usual) you discard all your clothes and leave only your panties and apron on to surprise him
⁜ when nanami unlocks the door, you feel the adrenaline take over your body as your mind flashes images of him ripping your apron like a hungry animal the moment he sees you
⁜ "i'm home" he calls nonchalantly, as he throws away his bag and walks toward the bathroom while you stand next to him with a confused look
⁜ "is the bath ready?" he asks without looking at you
⁜ "n-no, i didn't prepare it today" your voice shakes
⁜ "it's alright, i'll prepare it"
⁜ you rush in front of him and gently push his chest to stop him
⁜ "don't you want to eat dinner first? i made you something special" you smile mischievously. you slowly turn your body to flash your bare back, hoping to get a reaction out of him, but you're met with empty eyes
⁜ "i'm not hungry now. i'm tired, i'll just go to bed. i need to wake up early"
⁜ you hold yourself back, but can't contain your anger anymore. nanami has never ignored your hard work and acts of service for him even if he was going through hell. what's up with him now?
⁜ "stop! what's happening with you, kento? can't you see how much i worked to make you happy?" you scream at him in a sudden burst of anger. "you don't even find me exciting anymore? what kind of a man just walks past his girlfriend like this? ungrateful!"
⁜ nanami stops mid walk and slowly turns to face you. his dark, empty gaze frightens you, it's a face you haven't been introduced to before
⁜ "what did you say? what did you call me?" nanami hisses, his raspy voice lower than ever, tone sharp as a knife
⁜ "i-i mean..." you stutter in shock. nanami walks toward you, his tall figure towering over you
⁜ "meal? my favorite meal? you're right, i'm fucking ungrateful. let's eat" nanami grabs your bare arm and pases to the kitchen where the neat table you prepared is waiting. the navy tablecloth hosts cold plates, with an unopened bottle of expensive red wine
⁜ "n-nanami, you're hurting me!" you wail, but it's no good. nanami drags you to the kitchen where he'll lightly throw you next to the table
⁜ "ungrateful. i am ungrateful! every day, i have to put up with people's shit for nothing! i have 50 people breathing down my neck, what do i have to be grateful for?"
⁜ he stops in front of you to grab your cheeks. "and what i come home to is you bitching. give me a fucking break" he spits his words out
⁜ "i can't even have time to fuck my girl properly" the atmosphere in the room suddenly changes with his annoyed scream. you grab the tablecloth and balance yourself. nanami is hectic, something he has never shown before, and his unpredictable movements scare you
⁜ nanami's gaze pierces through you. his face is dark, as the only lightning in the room is the few candles you lit
⁜ "always so good for me, hm?" nanami strokes your cheek. "always so caring, so loving, yet you can't always behave. you wanna help me?"
⁜ nanami grabs your hips with stern hands and turns you so that your face can be planted to the table
⁜ "n-nanami" you grunt
⁜ "be a good girl now" nanami pushes your back down as he takes off his belt with his free hand, and you obey. even the his touch on your bare back excites you after all those times without having felt his warmth
⁜ nanami pushes your pink, cotton panties aside before he enters you with one, swift motion before he lets out a deep growl. you squirm, letting his thick cock stretch your walls
⁜ nanami remembers how much he loved fucking you from behind, a fantasy that helped him get through boring weekdays that got lost in his sea of concerns these past few weeks; but here you are, prepped up for him, welcoming him inside you like you always have. but, to his surprise, it's not enough to destress him. his mind is still flashed with images of all the unfinished paperwork, all the times he got scolded for nothing
⁜ "fuck" nanami hisses under his breath
⁜ he pushes his hip forward, almost as if he wanted to hurt you. his mere strength is enough for tears to form in your eyes. your eyes roll back as your boyfriend's cock drills into you non-stop
⁜ "na-nanami!" you breath onto the tablecloth helplessly, but let yourself enjoy the dominance he holds over you. he has your chest pressed on the expensive wooden table, hands clasping the tablecloth, crystal wine glasses fallen down on the table, the dripping sounds of the wine drowned out with the slapping sounds...
⁜ nanami thightens his hands on your tighs before landing a slap on your ass which gets you by surprise
⁜ "you're gonna be a good girl from now on, right?" he asks with a low voice, one that sends shivers down your spine. to your demise, you're already too dumbfounded to answer your boyfriend properly. you mumble onto the table incoherently before nanami leans in closer to your ear
⁜ "you'll be a good girl for me, hm? like you always have been" nanami lowers his face down to your neck and buries his face in the crook of your neck. his hot breath tickles you, but you're too drunk on pleasure to shiver
⁜ "always so good for me" nanami continues moving his hips, this time fucking deep inside you as if he's trying to claim you all while drowning your neck and cheek in hot, wet kisses
⁜ "fuck, i love you so fucking much" he pants. he finds your hands and locks his fingers with yours over your hands that easily disappear under his. he has you locked under him, his weight pressed on you makes you feel safer than ever. his sudden gesture melts you inside, and you manage to make his name out as a thank you
⁜ nanami feels overwhelmed with love. the thought of you letting him use you to relieve his stress like that makes him filled with so much love and appreaciation, his mind fills with how much you put him first. nanami's sudden vulnerability reflects on his voice with his whimpering moans in your ear, and how his body presses on top of yours as if you two were the opposite ends of two magnets
⁜ your needy, high pitched moans harmonize with his deep yet whiny moans, and it sounds better than any kind of slow music you were planning on putting on tonight
⁜ you realize you're both close once nanami's thrusts become inconsistent and sloppy, and you feel your lower abdomen tighten as if knots were forming inside
⁜ "fuck" nanami hisses once more into your ear, calling out your name repeatedly before you feel him empty himself inside
⁜ you let loose with him. his body pressing on yours holds you in place, feet almost rising from the ground. nanami rides your high while keeping his head buried in your neck, letting in your shaky voice in
⁜ you two stay in position for a minute, feeling each others heart beat on top of each other. something in nanami shifts, it's like a switch was flicked, and suddenly he was your boyfriend again
⁜ nanami slips out and sits you on the chair gently, even fixing your messy hair before turning back to grap wet wipes off of the counter and kneeling in front of you to help you get yourself together
⁜ "delicious meal" nanami acclaims jokingly and you giggle. you watch his flushed cheeks rise with a loving grin, eyes shiny and perfect hair messy just like how you have always liked it
⁜ "such a shame the wine's gone though. it was pretty expensive, y'know? " you look over at the warzone that is the table you carefully designed. glasses scattered around, red wine staining the cloth and the floor, perfectly seared meat cold
⁜ nanami laughs. "that's alright. we won't have to worry about money for a long time"
⁜ "hmm, you don't say? can we get a maid to make up for the dinner tonight too?" you tease him the way he has always adored
⁜ "no need. i'll cook for you any time you want, you know that"
⁜ you run your fingers through his soft hair and grab his cheek
⁜ "i do"
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i forget how i format my posts every time. i feel like i might have actually forgotten how to write smut ToT
anyways lol hope you enjoyed this :3
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neverchecking · 8 months
Text
NSFW Alphabet- Four
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
He's pretty good, all things considered! So, I like to write Four as one solid conscious until he splits, so saying that, like he's smart. He knows what he's doing. He's a little disoriented after he cums, but after a moment he's up and on the move. He also has a set routine but it's more because he likes the order he does things. He doesn't mean to, it just happens.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
On himself? Honestly? His biceps. And I will take this to my fucking grave, but I, honest to God, whole-heartedly believe that this man has biceps of fucking iron. Have you seen a blacksmith's build? they have arms. And you know what? So does Four. So, his biceps are his favorite because they are also my favorite.
On his partner? He'll try to save face and say personality but this man screams thigh man. He loves thighs because he's face to face with them. Like adores them with his whole heart. When you sit down and they transform into plump pillows? He's in love. He loves squishing them and moving the flesh around in his grasp, but he fucking loves them.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
*Looks around side to side before leaning in* This man, right here? You can try to tell me otherwise, but I won't believe you. Fucking loves cumming inside of you. He knows he's not tall, and he knows he's not the most outwardly intimidating, but holy shit does it give him a rush to know that no one else has the privilege of marking you so intimately. It drives him nutty, especially if you just go on your day like that. Like he can't sit still knowing you're there, pretty legs crossed because if they're not you're going to drip on the seat.
Just the thought has him hard.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Would love to fuck you in a skirt. There I said it. He would love to wear a silky skirt, bend you over the mattress and just destroy you. This man is both the biggest dom and hardest switch imo, but put him in a skirt and there's no question. Just <four in a skirt3
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
None. Zero, zilch, nada. People never took him seriously enough with his height. Plus with smithing and his adventure he never really thought about it. Maybe I'm projecting, but I like to think of Four as a Demisexual (Source: I am a demisexual) so he didn't really have a sex drive until meeting someone he really liked.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Missionary. All the way, call him a traditionalist but he loves the eye contact and the fact that his height doesn't matter. Also, maybe, just maybe, he likes the domesticity of it all. He loves the idea of making you his perfect little house spouse. Even if you don't want it <3 Man i forget I'm a yandere blog so often it's not even funny.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He can appreciate good joke. Of course, he's not gonna go looking to make one, but if you're visibly stressed, he'll crack a small one. Anything to make you smile, really. If you want to make a joke, he'll humor you of course as well.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Very well groomed, one of the best. It's a little lighter than the hair on his head, but exceptionally fine. He keeps it well trimmed and washed. Again, it's not because he's crazy about neatness it mostly just feels better for him.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
He can be very romantic, but, honestly, he doesn't have the chance to be as romantic as he wants to be. After being in the forge, he's tired and smells and while he wants to woo you, he just can't. Of course, that won't stop him from treating you like royalty, but there won't be any rose petals or candles.
Side bar, Four absolutely makes you one of those metal flowers. Yk the ones?
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Probably a little more common than the rest of the Links, but its mostly because every time he thinks about you, especially if his thoughts wander, he gets hard and he can't get back to his work until his frustrations have been let out. Only reason really, if he had time, he'd rather fuck you in a nice quickie, but unfortunately that isn't realistic.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
He's got a thing for bondage. So okay, hear me out, he's a blacksmith right? Who works with metal right? So he probably can make chains right? surely you guys see where i'm going with this right? He likes BDSM purely because he loves seeing you bound in the chains he makes.
I think he's also got a bit of breeding kink. This goes back to part C, but it awakens something in him that's so primal. It just drives him insane and makes his nerves buzz because it's such an intimate way of claiming you.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
He's not picky. Not in the SLIGHTEST. Y'all have probably fucked in his forge. He's a man on a busy schedule, so he's taking what he can get when he can get it. He'll fuck in the bedroom, on the kitchen counter, on the living room floor, in the forge, behind a tree in the forest, under the rushing waters of a river, he's down for anything.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Anything. But something about having a significant other that works as well? Like not actual work, no, no he won't allow his most precious jewel to ever risk that, but things like cooking, cleaning, even writing blueprints or something for weapons you've had ideas about and want him to make-- because you aren't allowed to work in the forge it's too dangerous for you're perfect hands. That especially just drives him crazy because having a competent partner is just so attractive to him.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Sounding. If you don't know what that is, perfect. Don't look it up. If you do, I'm sorry for your loss. He doesn't like the idea of it, wants nothing near there, it's just like the biggest turn off to him. Shudders just thinking about it.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Contrary to the other Links I've written, he prefers receiving. Just having his spouse on their knees while he's perfecting some plan or blueprint or polishing something, sucking him off while he works? Goddess, it's his favorite pastime. Just thinking about it has him palming himself until he can get to you.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Depends on his mood, but most of the time it's fast and rough. He likes the thrill it gives him and the adrenaline rush. Plus, the fact that it renders you absolutely brain dead and mindless, just a hole for him to use is an added bonus.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Loves them. Adores them. He does 'em pretty often too because, like I said, they fit into his schedule the easiest. He's one of the only Links with a stable job so he does have a routine and schedule to stick to, meaning Quickies are perfect for him. He gets to remind you of how much he loves you and thinks about you and how much your very aura has intoxicated him.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Loves them. So, here's the thing. Four is STILL a Link. He still loves the adventure, the thrill, the adrenaline. So the risks? The one that have him pausing, balls deep with a hand over your mouth to keep you from crying out? Get him so riled up he can't explain it because it just makes him that much more horny. Like, he is humping at you like a dog all while trying to keep himself quiet and you as well.
So yeah, he likes the risk.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Not the most, I'll be fair. Like I said, he's got a job, he's a blue collar man-- or the Hyrule equivalent-- and he's a hard working man. So he doesn't have all the energy in the world, but the energy he does have is put to good use, don't worry. He's a man who can't go for six rounds, but the rounds he does go has you feeling like he did.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Like I said, he likes chains. He's probably got a few spreader bars as well. Things made of metal you know? Maybe a few plugs he fiddled with. So he does have a few. And Four is the man who doesn't view toys as competition, no, no, they are his friends. His companions. His teammates. Everything needed to make you feel good. And that's all that matters to him.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He doesn't have time to tease. He'd love to, and on days he has off he spends hours between your legs until you're a sobbing, pleading mess for him, but on the more regular days? Of course he does foreplay, but he doesn't have time for the slow traces of skin or small pinches of flesh.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He's a whiner, but he hides it. But if you pull his head out from where he hides it in your shoulder? He's a whimpering mess, crying because you feel so good and at some point he becomes so sex drunk that it's all he can think about. And when that happens he can't help but cry for you <3
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
He loves domesticity. Every part of it and I will fucking go down with this. He loves the idea of having his perfect little house spouse who's willing and waiting for his cock at any given moment. Who cares for the house, cooking and cleaning, while he goes to work to provide for both of them. He loves having a partner with intellect, of course, but having a partner be a house spouse while also putting their brain to good use? Oh he's feral.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Stealing this from Bea so thanks-
4.4 inches. Good sized balls, went over his hair already. Probably has a nice vein running up the underside of it that makes him just shatter when you run your tongue along it. Has him reaching for your hair just to stuff your mouth full.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Pretty high but also not all if you know what i mean? Like when he has the time and energy he is all over you, you can't even go to the bathroom without him loudly complaining about how he misses you in his arms. On the other hand, when its been a long day, he likes just letting you cockwarm him like a good little slut <3
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He loves falling asleep with you because it's something so domestic to him (See W). He loves spooning you and burying his face into your hair, or chest, depending if you wanna be big spoon or lil spoon, and just feeling your chest slow as your breathing evens out. It's pure bliss to him and reminds him of why exactly he worships you.
Not that he ever needed a reason.
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moonshynecybin · 8 days
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#thinkin about teen dad marc…. like diplopia year…. <- say more callie
eye got. SIX asks about this lmao. but anything for you elle ofc. required reading on this is @yekoc’s vale knocks marc up in like 2013/14 post found here go read it (AND THE REPLIES !!! ). foundational text.
but in this one. vale is jerry springer voice NOT THE FATHERRRR. which i think would make his specific commitment issues significantly weirder and more complex. and marc MUCH more neurotic lmao. he has a baby to look after !!! AND he’s doing death defying stunts !!!
so marc either gets a girl pregnant and keeps the baby or gets knocked up and keeps the baby. choose your own adventure. he’s a teen. diplopia year cwaziness. fully like. i am injured and may never race again which i can’t fix instantly and easily so i’m going to HAVE THIS BABY. tries to #win at teen pregnancy. and marc is part of a VERY tight knit little family so once he gets better he absolutely carts that baby all around the world and inside the garage. (which. he comes back because he both wants to and HAS TO. marquez family finances already depended on him, now you add a tiny sweet infant into the mix that he is responsible for. marc is already psychotic about winning because of natural competitiveness and the aforementioned family pressures this would literally make him worse. crazier.) babychamp t-shirts new meaning. bouncing her on his knee in the box in 2012 BIG ASS baby ear protectors. santi very seriously explaining shit about tire pressure to the side. kissing her little cheek in parc ferme.
and vale. meets this baby/toddler. LOVES this baby/toddler. and as his relationship with marc takes shape it’s a little different! marc’s i’m old for my age complex is 9000x more pronounced but VALE’S i’m young for my age complex is toooooo… so it’s weirder. yes they start fucking but it’s also like. less often. less free time more baby time they don’t hang out at bars as much but every time vale sees marc he gets to hang out with a hot person he likes and sometimes he gets to be goofy for a leedle baby that he is RAPIDLY gaining affection for. marc leaves her with vale (HUGE TRUST. THE BABYSITTING LIST OUTSIDE OF FAMILY IS LIKE TWO PEOPLE.) when he goes to the bathroom and vale reaches over to grab her favorite toy (bugs bunny plush iykyk) without thinking and it’s like oh. oh no. like he spends enough time with her that he KNOWS HERRRR… doesn’t have the rigidity of the fuckbuddies dichotomy because they hang out so often WITH the baby so he can’t write the whole thing off as much. truly what do you do if you love and want to coparent a child. but are also exceedingly scared of commitment and growing older. well.
anyways vale is a freak so he turns that over in his head for a bit. scared 2 death. chews on that for a while. but when it really gets too deep for him is hmmmm ranch visit. when marc rocks up with his toddler (hot pink tiny bike for her that goes 1mph. baby pecco and luca and franky braiding her hair.) lethally adorable in a too big yellow vr46 hat that makes vale’s chest feel like RIBBONS.) and then marc races vale like he’s going to DIE. for NO reason. in a fun vibey recreational session. and vale’s fucking in it now!! every time marc takes a corner too fast his heart seizes up and marc’s daughter flashes in his brain (the baby curl of her hair and the way she reached for marc laughing from the crowd last race…) ans cold sweat breaks out across the back of his neck because if something happens to marc then—
so he pulls back. still waves to her in parc ferme. still makes stupid faces to make her laugh (feels like he’s FLYING. feels like WINNING.) and does grabby hands with marc on cooldown laps (eye ALSO think he doesn’t realize that his marc feelings are a separate entity for the baby feelings lmao. like that he would be worried about marc regardless. the baby is a good excuse here…) but. it’s interfering with his focus. he has to win his tenth. he can’t be coparenting this kid (she’s turning FOUR he’s been giving her bday presents for THREE YEARS NOW.) and worried about marc like that because marc is a competitor. and marc doesn’t feel that way anyways. marc is a bastard to him on track. marc is crashing all the time (WITHOUT VALE THERE. he hears about marc’s summertime hand injury and is like haha. and the baby was WERE. who is HOLDING HER??). and suddenly uccio is at his door and marc is a saboteur. and he’s getting older and he’s slower and jorge is GOOD and that’s— that gives something for vale to grab on to. to self destruct this before it can implode by itself. to make sense of all of this.
and afterwards— after sepang and their text thread drying up and everything. she still runs up to vale allll the time… finds him in the paddock tugs on marc’s hand until he lets her go… and vale always picks her up spins her around sends her back to her dad… still gets her a bday gift… marc watching with a sad smile on his faceeeee… vale DOES get over things faster in this universe because he wants to be more involved for babychild but. it’s rough there for a while when vale is still lying to himself and marc is creating RIGID structures for who he lets in to his daughter’s life because she STILL asks him to call vale so he can read the bedtime story because marc does NOT do the voices right… and he CANT CALL HIMMMM
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bonny-kookoo · 9 months
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Snoeball being part of Jungkook's recent live? How would army react to that?
A/N: since yall always want angst..
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Jungkook sometimes forgets that while he might think of his fans often throughout the day, they're not with him all the time. They don't know everything that he does- and they're not just a bunch of angels, willing to accept whatever decision he might make for himself.
So it's unsurprising that when the chat fills with messages, it's not just happy comments and hearts and innocent questions.
It's many, Many confused people, some even angry and upset at the implications of the visual situation he's in. Not because he's shirtless, or in bed-
But because he's shirtless, and in bed, with you right beside him, still asleep.
There's no way he can talk himself out of this so quickly, so he struggles, attempts to mask his own horror and growing panic by acting as if his connection is junk. It's not- it's perfectly fine, but he needs to buy himself some time to think of any way to explain why you'd be in the same bed with him almost naked.
Well, at least you're wearing a top- although the clear Calvin Klein logo on the corner up top near the neckline makes it somewhat worse, because it's clear from the fit alone and the way too big size that it's not yours-
And in his household, the only logical conclusion would be that it's his.
He's in deep shit.
There's no way he can just be honest- just go 'oh yeah, Snowball and I had sex and went to bed late' because at the end of the day these people watching him right now aren't his friends. A lot of them aren't even his fans right now. He's sure of it. They're probably fuming, disappointed, and angry.
And he's got no clue how to talk himself out of it.
Jimin seems to save the day however- asking in the chat if your nightmares had cleared up throughout the night- and Jungkook immediately grabs that lifeline thrown towards him by his bandmate.
"Ah yes, her nightmares.." he offers, nodding. "Hm, Snowball had a panic attack last night from the thunderstorm, so she slept in my bed." He nods, licking his lips in nervousness, hoping no one catches him lying. "I got a little lazy because I was really tired, so I gave her my shirt I was wearing so she can sleep a bit better. Because, you know, hybrids are really sensitive to scents. So I thought it might help, you know?" He offers, and it seems like it's somewhat working.
'She's drowning in it' jimin comments. Jungkook laughs.
"Ah yeah, my size is way too big on her.' He jokes, hopes to somewhat elevate the mood, as he changes the topic to something else.
He knows he fucked up.
He knows especially after ending the live, and checking social media- online magazines already feeding on his mistake like vultures, calling it 'suspicious', and picking out comments from netizens who call his actions inappropriate and even worse things. How he shouldn't let you sleep in his bed, how this could be possibly all just a play from his side to see if people would accept it if he was to be in a realtionship-
And he wants to cry like a toddler left alone in a mall, because it's just not fair.
He loves you, so much, and he wishes he could just do that openly. But no matter if hybrid or not, there's just no way anyone could ever survive being his partner.
Jimin calls his phone. He picks up.
"Aish Jungkookie, what were you thinking?" He scolds softly, and Jungkook just sighs, running a hand through his hair before he looks at you, still sleeping, barely having moved at all, unaware of the things happening. "I heard from Yoongi. About you.. three. I'm happy, I really am- but don't be so reckless." His bandmate reminds him.
"I know. I'm sorry." He offers. "I didn't.. think. I really didn't. I should've." He scolds himself, upset at it all. Now he's back at square one with you- and everyone involved. Now people will put every interaction between you and the band on a pedestal to gawk at and analyze.
He ruined it.
"Well figure it out. For now, just lay low." He offers. "Management will probably have a word with you soon."
"I'm sorry." Jungkook apologizes again. "I ruined it."
"Not yet." Jimin tries to reassure. "I'm sure some will be mad- yoongi-hyung is gonna tear you a new one that's for sure. But it'll die down." He tells the younger singer over the phone. "She's safe with us, down the line. We've got security that's top notch."
"But now we can't let her be seen with anybody anymore." He whines. "She had so much fun in the UK with me, and with Suga-hyung on his tour and now I fucked it up and she won't get to do any of it anymore." Jungkook complains, gripping his hair.
"Like I said, we'll figure it out." Jimin tells him. "For now, calm down. Sort your head a bit."
"I feel horrible." Jungkook reveals. "Just looking at her- I'm so stupid." He shakes his head at nothing.
"You're just innocent when it comes to these things." Jimin sighs on the other end of the line. "You'll learn."
"I just want people to.. accept us." Jungkook complains stubbornly. "What's so bad about what we have?"
"Absolutely nothing." His friend responds. "Like I said, calm down first. We'll figure out where to go from here." He offers.
"What if they take Snowball away now?" Jungkook whimpers. "Just because of me?"
"Jungkook they literally can't. She's filed for independent living, remember?" He says, and it's then that it hits Jungkook.
You did file for independence. You did get it approved.
You don't belong to anyone but yourself. You simply choose to stay with the boys, with him, because you want to. No one can take you away because you're technically your own legal guardian.
You're safe.
You won't leave.
And as he hangs up with a thanks to his friend, his phone clatters down onto the floor forgotten as he wraps his arms around you, tightly, so he can remind himself that you'll stay even if this all goes south.
You won't leave him alone, even if they all hate you and him.
You won't leave him alone.
And neither will he.
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everythingmp3 · 2 months
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𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ✧
adult!Van x fem!reader (smut)
you´ve been dating Van for a while and a heated argument turns into something else, when you can’t hide that her rage is kind of a turn on.
minors dni. warnings: bottom!reader, fingering, slight degradation/domination
(disclaimer: a little longer/more plot, inspired by the few outbursts we see from Van in the show, hate sex if you wanna call it that but also more to it. anyway, I hope it conveys the vibe i was going for! enjoy xx)
fights were a rare occurrence for you and Van. you could count on one hand the amount of times you´d actually gotten loud with each other, but there was a through-line with all the fights, the same issue connecting them all: Van refusing to let you in. there were moments when you could tell that something had triggered a memory in her, which made her shut down completely but she refused to talk about it or accept help. she´d brush it off, isolate, leave you guessing, and it ate away at you every time. it was not something that happened often, but that night it just rubbed you the wrong way and it escalated to a fight. you were standing in the living room, she was by the counter in the kitchen nook, both of you pretty riled up at that point, arguing from across the room.
"you don´t tell me shit, Van, ever! I have told you everything about myself, all of it, yet you don´t tell me anything!" you said, visibly pissed off, she shook her head, eyes intense, hands grabbing the counter for support, "that´s not true. i tell you things all the time".
"you know what i fucking mean, not the things that matter! not the reason you sometimes get that look and space out and get all strange for an entire night. how do you think that makes me feel, to not be trusted with any of it?".
"it´s not about trust, i´ve said this a million times! it´s about protecting you, not dragging you into it!" she yelled, arms gesturing wildly, you just scoffed at that, "bullshit, that´s bullshit Van, i am grown, i can take it and you know it. that´s a lame excuse for your inconsiderate way of shutting me out" you were tired of the same old argument.
she got even louder then, "you have no idea what you´re fucking talking about. the kind of shit i am dealing with, that´s not for you to know, okay, it´s better this way."
"you seem to have no idea what´s better for me"
"oh really?" a sudden quietness to her tone that somehow sounded more threatening, she went over to you then, getting closer. "you think i´m wrong? you wanna know about all the fucking horror in my head? you think that´s what you need from me?", she was almost backing you against the wall then, her eyes burning into yours, her stance solid and unmoving, her chest visibly flushed from the anger. you nodded, challenging her.
"yeah? okay, you asked for it", she became spiteful, it all bubbled up in her then, "what detail do you need, huh? that i survived those 19 months in the woods by fucking eating people, friends, teammates, that i did that", you were staring at her then, your eyes fixed on hers, breath shallow, she was seething, "that they weren´t all natural deaths, that we we hunted them like animals, that we set traps, that we turned into fucking monsters out there, that i know the look of human flesh so well, that i get nauseous when i cut my finger. that´s what you wanna hear, yeah? that i was a brutal evil person, that i am scared i might still be? you happy now?" the pain in her voice was just as strong as her anger then, and all you could do was stare at her, take it all in, the sight of her overflowing with everything she´d left unsaid for so many years, her body practically on fire. in that moment, it struck you, all at once, how her strong deep voice, her attempt to corner and intimidate you, the animalistic look in her eyes, her unusual meanness; it was so different to her usual sweet way with you, that it stirred something deep inside of you. it wasn´t intentional, it just happened, your body, a sudden visceral need, a primal kind of pull towards her. you were trying to mask it but not very successfully, at first she mistook your wide eyes and shallow breath for fear, but then, she noticed it, she knew your body too well not to sense the shift, she shook her head in disbelief, leaning closer to you.
"are you fucking turned on right now?" she hissed, her eyes unrelenting, searching your face for an answer you weren´t willing to give, "you are, aren´t you? fucking hell. here i am eaten up by guilt because i am being a bitch to you and you´re getting off on it??" she was at a loss, she expected disgust, fear, shock, but not that, not the look on your face that you usually gave her when you were extremely desperate for her. "oh, so now you can´t talk back anymore, yeah?" she came even closer then, close enough to make you fully back against the wall, her breath so close you could feel it on your lips, trying not to make a sound, initially she was baffled, then something crept up in her: satisfaction. she realized she had the upper hand, which was delicious after a fight where she felt cornered, you could see it in her eyes, the switch, and you knew you were fucked.
"speak." she demanded in a stern tone, hands on your arms then, pinning you to the wall, it was horrible how hard it was not to moan just from that, your voice wavering as you returned her gaze, "i told you, i can take it.", you did it on purpose and she knew it, that way of wording it, rubbing it in her face, the repetition of earlier words suggestive then because the air was so charged, she pushed even closer to you then, fingers digging into your wrists, restraining you, "oh yeah? is that what you wanted all along? for me to be brutal and make you take it?" emphasis on the last words, almost a kind of disdain in there, "careful what you wish for" she said before pushing her knee up between your legs in one hard motion, making immediate contact with your pelvis, a sensation so violently arousing you let out a pathetic moan, wincing from it, she kept her knee there, not moving an inch, but you were stubborn, trying hard to not give her what she wanted, stifling the other sounds that were forming in your throat, so she moved her knee up against your most sensitive area through the fabric, you were whining then, breaking, losing your composure second by second, a slight grin on her face, not a generous one.
"fucking slut" the word hitting you across the face, she was not into degrading you, quite the opposite, the list of sweet names she called you during sex endless, so the harsh tone as she spat that out made you even more dizzy with heat, with the need for her to just have her way, and by that point she was deeply into the dynamic of it all, not truly angry anymore but riled up, willing to be rough, if that was what it was going to take to make you fold. you tried leaning forward to kiss her, but she let go of one of your hands and put her forearm across your chest, pressing you into the wall to keep you from doing something tender, shaking her head "i don´t think so", you were begging her then, "please just.." , an intense expression on her face as she groped your tits pretty hard, forcing more whining out of you, making you surrender, "jesus fuck i´m sorry okay".
you crying those words out softened her a little but she could tell you weren´t actually trying to apologize, you were just desperate to have her fuck you, which she couldn´t deny, so she wasted no time, "what´s that, i didn´t hear you?" she teased, as she took advantage of the fact that you´d already showered and changed, just loose sweatpants and no underwear in the way, her cold hand on your cunt in one second, a sharp breath in from you at the contact, "fuck you" you uttered, not very convincingly, shutting your eyes, she was only pushed further by that, "oh okay I see" she leaned forward, her hot breath on your cheek then, as she felt how wet you were, practically leaking, not even needing to push her fingers between your lips to feel it slick against her skin, usually she´d be gentle but in that moment she couldn´t be, pushing two of her fingers all the way into you without warning, no mercy, a loud cry escaping you then, immediately thrusting her fingers into you repeatedly, while still having you pinned against the wall, her breath ragged against your skin, her voice low and sultry, "this is what you wanted, isn´t it?".
Van was enjoying it, the power, there was a slight pain from her relentless motion but it just added to your arousal, you´d gotten soaked enough for it to feel good, the sudden change from zero to a hundred, your moans almost pornographic then, your walls throbbing around her knuckles, she leaned down, not to kiss you but to leave bites all over your shoulder, your neck, teeth digging in just enough to drive you insane, "fuck Van" you kept pleading, as she was doing her best to push you towards an orgasm, hitting the right spot, doing so with more force than usual, not wanting you to savor it but to be overwhelmed by it, pleasure as punishment, something like that, your hands were free to move again by that point, so your nails were digging into her back hard as you were chest to chest, she had no words left in her as she felt you cumming against her fingers, increasingly turned on herself, mind blank, groaning so close to your ear it just made you finish even harder, her fingers not slowing dow at all while you felt your whole body shaking, once your grip on her loosened she finally let you go, backing away from the wall, panting, her hand cramped up at that point, collecting her thoughts as you almost collapsed to the floor because your legs were done for, so you stumbled over to the couch, falling down against the cushions, exhausted.
the second Van turned and saw you resting there like that, she felt a wave of guilt rushing over herself, she was coming back to her senses and it hit her like a ton of bricks; that all you were trying to do during the fight was to get close to her, that all you ever fought her on was her unwillingness to let you be there for her during her darkest moments. you were younger than her, yet more patient, more emotionally available, which made her feel awful all of a sudden. she walked over to sit down next to you, giving you some space for a moment, the two of you just sitting there in silence, until she turned to you, reaching for your hand, her voice soft and quiet:
"hey, listen. I think I owe you an apology." you shook your head, "it´s fine really don´t-" she interrupted, "no, no i do. you weren´t saying anything crazy, it obviously just hit a nerve because it was true. i should be grateful you want to help me. sorry, really. i´m fucking stupid sometimes." a faint smile from you then, you slowly climbed over to her, half on her lap then, hands in her hair, "it´s fine. you know, i just wanted to make it clear, that nothing you could say or reveal about your life would make me leave you, ever. but i get that it´s hard to talk about it, so i´m sorry if i forced something out of you." her hands on your back then, under your shirt, caressing you as she stared up at you, enjoying the feeling of your fingers pushing her hair back, "stop that, you´re being too sweet, i don´t deserve that right now, not after all that..", you grinned then, amused "right, after calling me a slut", Van shook her head,"god don´t even-", you laughed then, "didn´t know you had all that in you", she was glad you weren´t truly hurt by it, joking about it, her gaze fell to a spot on your shoulder where she´d left a rather prominent bite mark, "jesus christ i really need to get a grip" one of her fingers tracing it, you shook your head, grinning, "oh, that part you don´t have to apologize for. I think it´s hot when you get like that. as you clearly realized and took advantage of", nudging her as you said this, she smiled then, "i did like seeing that look on your face" she admitted, a grin, "but don´t get used to it, i like this much better", leaning in and placing a tender kiss on your shoulder, your neck, pulling your face down to lazily press her lips against your cheek, your temple, your forehead, hearing you sigh softly, pulling away after a while to face you again.
"trying to make up for something there, Palmer?" you teased, hands on her neck, she eyed you, head tilted to the side, smiling, just taking in the view of your flushed face, "i think i can do better than that if i´m really trying to make it up to you", you raised your eyebrows, "oh yeah?", she nodded, hands on your waist then, pulling you closer, "yes. I´ll have to get on my knees to really deserve forgiveness, don´t you think?", your eyes wide then, impressed by her sudden smoothness, "i won´t stop you from trying", your lovestruck eyes giving away that she was of course already forgiven, feeling her shift from underneath you, pulling you up, "come on then, let´s go to bed" a gentle squeeze on your hand, making you realize that her being rough had its appeal, but would never compare to the feeling of her being all sweet and loving.
it didn´t fail to make her emotional that night; the realization that you truly did not care about what she´d shared with you, that you still saw her as just as worthy of your love as before. it would lead to her spoiling you even more the days and weeks after, if that was even possible.
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