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be-gay-do-heists · 3 years

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hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

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Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam.

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

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(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/.

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”

#leverage #miko speaks #jewish stuff #jumblr #leverage redemption #spoilers #lr spoilers #leverage redemption spoilers #written for a non leverage audience because i want my rabbi to read it alskdjflaksdjf #elul

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Filterless

Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)

Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤

If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.

Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.

Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.

Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult.

With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.

Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.

I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.

This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.

We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better.

And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.

Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.

You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.

It’s like a constant slap to the face.

That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions.

Like the one I made two days ago.

Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery.

Wait, hold up, it gets worse.

I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.

As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“

I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that.

Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.

I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.

I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.

I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.

I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.

You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?

I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.

I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance. I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.

“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“

Because I’m not

I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.

And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.

With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.

In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.

I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’

A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.

Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.

“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“

My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.

Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?

It sure is, it sure is.

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kass-storycorner · 3 years

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Oh god, okay hear me out. I suffer from insomnia and I couldn’t get Childes letter out of my head (btw the English version is so much less “I am in love with you” than the German one. He literally says in the German version that he misses us and wants us to visit him, like straight up this is a love letter!! The English version is really toned down in comparison).

So. I know his birthday is over, at least where I’m from. But. I wrote this whole ass fan fic, that is way too long, because I was so inspired by that letter. I’m not really satisfied with the ending, I honestly wanted to add so much more fluff but… I also didn’t want to make this too long, I actually planned for it to be short??? help (also it’s 4am now noooo)

Happy birthday, Tartaglia

Genre: a little bit angsty, fluff, comfort

Rating: SFW, though mentions of kissing and sharing a bed

Content warnings: mention of a family death, Bennett’s bad luck lol but both are unrelated haha

Characters: Tartaglia x gn!reader, a guest appearance of Bennett, mention of Zhongli

Word count: 2,796 words (oooh f*ck haha)

You’ve been busy the whole day doing some commissions for the Adventures Guild and were now on your way to Mondstadt, when you heard a familiar voice call your name. “(Y/N)!”, Bennett called out to you and ran into your direction. A deep sigh left your throat, while you enjoyed Bennett’s company most of the time… you had to deal with a ton of your own bad luck today. Not one of the commissions today went the way they usually did, everything that could’ve gone wrong did go wrong. It was honestly just very frustrating, although you couldn’t be really sure if it was because of bad luck or because your mind was somewhere else most of the day. You shook your head, trying to get rid of the tiredness you already felt in your whole body and made your way towards Bennett. No matter what he needed help with you would be sure you could handle it. And in that moment, as the thought of how it wouldn’t be a big deal whatever Bennett had on his chest, you saw how the young adventure tripped over his own feet and fell face forwards into the dirt. ‘Ouch, that must’ve hurt’, you thought while running up to him. “Are you hurt? Here, let me help you up Bennett”, you asked while helping him get up from the ground. All you got as an answer from him was his usual laugh and smile. “Oh man, I really didn’t see that stone. Haha, thanks for the concern though!” You couldn’t help yourself and chuckled at the way he wiped off the dirt from his clothes. “So, what’s up? What do you want from me?.” “Yeah, right! I nearly forgot!”, he exclaimed and started fumbling in his bag. “Oh, got a present for me?”, you asked sheepishly. “Kinda, not really. Here!” Bennett held a letter in his hands, both bandaged again, and stretching it out to you. “A letter? For me?”, you took it in your hands. In a fine handwriting there was your name on it. It didn’t even took you a second for you to register who’s hand writing it was. What a surprise.

Before you could even start to ask Bennett how he got his hands on the letter he was already excitedly explaining it to you. “Today I had a commission on Dragonspine and to be honest, it didn’t really went that well until I ran into this one guy. I accidentally activated a few Ruin guards and well, even the most seasoned adventurer can’t fight more than one of these at a time and sadly the newest members of Benny’s adventure team had to go home again before we made it even to the mountain.”

The thought of Bennett nearly finding his end today on Dragonspine really… it really did not sit right with you. You made a mental note to ask him later who the new members were that ditched him. After you had your talk with them they wished they had stayed with Bennett on Dragonspine. “Well, in that moment when they approached me that one guy showed up and it only took him a few minutes to defeat them all. (Y/N) that was so cool! I tried to recruit him for my adventure team, but sadly he said he was already occupied with something else. Oh man, it would’ve been so cool to have him on my adventurer team, imagine with such an excellent fighter no one would be afraid of my bad luck to join my team.” While you enjoyed Bennett’s enthusiasm you had to interrupt him. “Wait, wait, Bennett. The person who gave you this letter is on Dragonspine?”

“Oh yeah! As I was saying I tried to recruit him for my team, but failed however we talked a bit and somehow he mentioned that he knew you! When I told him we were friends he asked me to give you this letter the next time I saw you.”

You felt how the excitement in you grew. He was on Dragonspine? He was so close to you again? Now you hardly could pay attention to what Bennett continued to say, all that was on your mind was the man, whom you saw the last time months ago in Liyue was so close again. “Bennett,” you interrupted him again. “Thank you so much for the letter, but I really need to get going. Thank you so much!”

And with that you changed your direction and made your way directly to Dragonspine. “Oh? Okay, bye (Y/N)!”, you heard Bennett call after you, but your mind was already occupied with opening that letter he gave you.

With shaking hands you read what stood on that thin paper in that neat and familiar handwriting:

“Hey, comrade! How have you been? You must have traveled far and wide since we last saw each other, right?

For me, I can only seek out some entertainment for myself. These past couple of days, I’ve used a work opportunity to explore Dragonspine and seek out some local specialties. I hope they will be of use to you.

The harsh cold of the snow-capped mountains is reminiscent to the scenery of my hometown…

Sigh, I’ve had many mundane days that makes me nostalgic of our time together. Whether it’s a fight or a challenge, I always feel that having you around is what makes life really interesting.

Haha, to be honest, I’ve been planning a special day to meet up with you, today could be that chance! If you have no special plans, how about you swing by my place?

I miss you, Tartaglia”

Quickly you put the letter in your bag with what accompanied it and now you were basically running towards Dragonspine. Right now you didn’t want to think about what kind of “work opportunity” there could be for the Harbringer on Dragonspine, all you could think about was seeing him again.

It has been months since you both parted ways in Liyue. You met him while being on a commission, funnily enough it was a bit similar how Bennett ran into him today. In one of Liyues ruins you looked for a book some historian in Liyue Harbour desperately tried to get their hands on. By the amount of Mora they were willing to pay it should’ve been obvious to you that it wasn’t a one-person mission… and still, you went alone into those ruins. You had no problem in destroying the first two ruin guards you ran into, but when three activated at the same time… If it weren’t for Tartaglia back then you would probably be dead. At first you were very thankful for his help, however when you found out he was also there for the book you needed your thankfulness quickly turned into anger. “Well, don’t you think I deserve a reward for helping you out, comrade?”, he teased you.

After that day you somehow always managed to run into him in Liyue Harbour or on your commissions. Back then you only knew him by his name used by the Fatui, Childe. Though it was well known in Liyue that he was one of the Harbringers, you somehow didn’t get that message after months of openly antagonising him. Only after Childe invited himself to your usual afternoon teas with your friend Zhongli you learned about his affiliations, but also more about him. If someone was hearing two people bickering, the people of Liyue knew it was you two. However none of it was malicious. Somehow it was the way you and Childe showed each other the appreciation you had for one another.

The first dislike you had for him grew quickly into a warm friendship. And that friendship grew in something more after awhile.

The first time you noticed a change in your feelings towards Childe was around the time of the Lantern rite festival. One night you were supposed to meet up with Zhongli - but Childe showed up in his instead. Apparently, so Childe, there was a lot to do at the Parlour because of a new promotion the director wanted to try and needed Zhonglis help with, so Zhongli asked Childe to accompany you to the Lantern rite.

Until this day you weren’t sure if this was just a set up by Zhongli, but even if it was, you wouldn’t hold it against him.

That night, when you and Childe walked around Liyue Harbour and watched the lanterns something fundamentally changed between the two of you. After that night you knew so much more about him and he about you. From that day on he wasn’t Childe anymore, he was Tartaglia. And both of you finally knew how the lips of the other felt on your own.

Now you were so close again to feel his warm arms around you, to listen to the sound of his heartbeat when you rested your head on his chest and to feel his lips on yours again. Oh how you missed him too.

Parting ways wasn’t easy. Both of you knew that it was best to not be so public with your relationship, for several reasons. On the one hand the Fatui weren’t what you would call popular - most people would use some stronger word to describe them. Being a Mondstadt citizen in Liyue openly dating a member of the Fatui, yeah no. On the other it was also not really well liked by the Tsaritsa for the members of the Fatui, no matter if you were just a low henchman or a Harbringer, to get involved in that way with outsides. With “not well liked” it was more implied that she forbade any romantic relationships outside and inside the Fatui ranks when they were on a mission. And Tartaglia was on a mission, a mission you knew nothing about, but to be honest? You preferred it that way. The longer you were able to ignore what it meant for him to be part of the Fatui, the better.

So because of all of this you both decided it would be best to keep the relationship in the shadows.

You both knew for sure was that you had to part ways one day, however none of you expected that you were the one going home before Tartaglia. There were a lot of nights of laying in bed with him, sharing stories from each of your homes. You told him about the Windblume Festival and Ludi Hapestrum, he told you about the festivals and traditions of Snezhnaya. When you shared stories of how your little siblings and you loved to collect as many dandelions as possible when you were children to pretend that it was snowing in the summer, he would counteract that story with the times he built entire fortresses with his siblings out of the snow in the winter. Only to then pull you closer and whisper in your ear that he’ll show you how to do that when you come with him back to Snezhnaya. You would always whisper back “okay, but first you’d need to glide with me off Startsnatch cliff”. The lovely nights you both spend together, telling each other of your homes and how much you want to show it to them were harshly interrupted by a letter you got from your family.

Life sometimes isn’t fair. It’s hard and it brutal and it’s short. So when you got the letter from your family informing you that the youngest member of the family had died, it broke you to pieces. They were only 14. That night Tartaglia held you in his arms, his hand on the back of your head, your head pressed into his chest and none of you could say a word. Only the sound of you crying piercing the quite room. Too heavy was the grief for anything to be said anyways.

The day immediately after you received that letter you and Tartaglia parted way, a quite and sad goodbye. None of you were actually sure when you would see each other again. With his hands against your tear stained face, the tears not only being shed out of grief but also out of the pain you had to leave your lover, he promised to write you as often as he could. You promised you would answer. And then you left, wishing he could come with you. Words you did not dare to speak, because you knew he couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to.

Now you found yourself close to one of the Fatui camps on Dragonspine. It was quite irresponsible to just run up the mountain, without any proper preparation or knowledge where Tartaglias camp actually was. You sighed. The excitement of seeing him after such a long time, after just exchanging letters got the best of you. Frustrated with yourself you made your way towards the campsite, hoping that this time the Fatui henchmen wouldn’t immediately start attacking every stranger they see. However when you arrived at the camp site you saw that no one was there. Too exhausted from the commissions earlier in the day and running up the Dragonspine you let yourself fall down in front of the extinguished campfire. Slowly but surly the cold weather of the Dragonspine was catching up to you.

Going through your bag you were looking for the stones Tartaglia send with his letter, hoping to ignite a fire with them. But before you could find them you heart footsteps in the snow behind you.

You hadn’t even had the chance to turn around before you felt two arms looping around your body, immediately warming you up.

“Hey comrade, did you miss me?”

You felt his head on your shoulders and you couldn’t help but to lean your own against his. One of your hands made its way up to his face, touching his cheek. “Yes,” you whispered.

Turning your head you now looked into his deep blue eyes, they were filled with all the love he had for you. You wished he could look at you like this forever… that you could look at him forever.

Tartaglia leaned a bit forward, placing a soft kiss on your lips and you couldn’t help it but smile.

He slowly pulled away, entangling himself from the hug and holding his hand out to you. “Come, let’s go inside the tent. You must be freezing out here”.

Inside the tent Tartaglia threw one blanket on another blanket over another over you, while lecturing you on what appropriate clothing was for a weather like this. You really didn’t give it any second thought when you made your way to Dragonspine, still wearing the same clothes you would wear on a sunny day in Mondstadt. But you also couldn’t hide it how much you loved to just hear his voice, even when he was nagging you. “It’s fine really, now stop trying to bury me under all the blankets and warm me up yourself”, you took his hand and pulled him towards you onto the plank. “You know some people would find what you said very suggestiv”, he joked, joining you under the immense amount of blankets. “Mmmmh,” was the only thing you replied, completely enamoured with him having you by your side again. For a few minutes the both of you just laid there, close to each other and feeling each other’s heartbeat.

None of you could actually believe your luck to be in the arms of the other again. How much you had missed this. Missed him.

“Hey,” he spoke softly, making you look into his eyes again. “How you’ve been doing?”.

It was such a soft question and you knew what he meant. You wanted to tell him how exhausting everything has been since your arrival, how your family was breaking apart at all ends, what a shit show it all was. In your letters you only alluded to how bad it actually is. How it was all just made worse by him not being at your side. Though you knew you would have to tell him all of this sooner or later, right now you didn’t want to talk about it. Not in detail. Not when today was actually his special day. “It’s manageable, but better now that I’m here with you”, you replied to his question. “You?”

“Better, now that I have you here”, was his reply. You both smiled at each other, a warm and tender smile. Slowly you adjusted your position so that you now were laying on top of him, your chin on his chest. “Hey, there is something I forgot to tell you.”

“Oh, and what is it?”

“Happy Birthday, Tartaglia”, and with that you kissed him.

#happy Birthday Childe #happy Birthday tartaglia #tartaglia #Childe #Genshin impact #Childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin #Genshin fan fic #fluff #angst #comfort #okay I’m adding more tags tomorrow I’m tired and I want to post this now haha #well at least writing this brought me closer to dream land hurray

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blobbyclouds · 3 years

Note

Hello I love stuff! So I remember that you headcanons about the main 6 realizing that they're in a game. Can you do headcanons for the main 6 actually appearing in the real world and meeting the player? Imagine the chaos that would ensue when they come into contact with modern technology.

But like... really imagine it. Really just think about playing the game one day and POOF your fav LI is sitting beside you, completely real and a little messy as they look at you with wide eyes

Also, for the sake of these headcanons we’re going to say the LI is aware that they were in a game :) (because I don’t feel like dealing with any existential crises)

Warnings: none!

-Asra Alzanar-

Definitely the most chill about popping into another world. Pretty normal stuff for him when spells go backwards

You on the other hand backed up against the wall like a blushing mess while he calmed you down as quickly as he could. He was calmer than you simply because he’s always sensed that there was more to the mc in the game than what met the eye

Asra was a fast learner as you taught him all about Earth

It was interesting, to say the least, having to explain Asra’s presence for the few weeks he was with you before the spell wore off. Luckily, by saying he was an exchange student and using a few deception spells, it was no problem

Sorting out his fashion sense was interesting too

“No, Asra, you can’t wear mystical robes or magical amulets to the cafe.”

“But… magic is my thing.”

“But magic isn’t a thing here.”

He ended up playing with a lot of different styles of our world and unfairly looked amazing in all of them??? He’s aesthetic in everything??

Always sweet and affectionate, touching you in some way because he can’t really believe he gets to the meet the real you <3

Whenever you went out, he liked to hold your hand

He really liked getting to learn about your life outside the game, like your hobbies, school/work, and other such interests

He was really happy to meet your friends and family, sizing them up to decide if he completely trusted them to take care of his darling apprentice

If you come from a bad home or anything, it’d break Asra’s heart and he’d do literally everything in his power to help you. And with any other problems in your life, he’d put his heart and soul into helping you too

When he had to leave, he taught you a special way to make the game glitch so he’ll know that something is really wrong and he’ll come to the real world asap

-Nadia Satrinava-

More than a little surprised that Asra’s spell landed her here

You two made eye contact and it took you both a second to process what was going on

“Oh. Good evening, Nadia. What brings you here?”

“Good evening. It seems Asra’s spell has landed me in your home world.”

And then the “??!!?!!?!?” feeling hit both of you and you went into extreme planning mode

In a few minutes, you two had figured out when Asra’s spell would wear off and bring her home, a cover story for Nadia’s stay, and had everything planned perfectly because y’all are a power couple

Nadia had a bit of a rough first day with technology and no servants to help her figure all this new stuff out

The first time she saw a car was when you were walking outside your house, and she yanked you behind a bush because she thought it was some sort of monster

She was super flustered when you explained it was just a car, but you insisted you thought it was sweet of her to “protect” you

Nadia felt really bad about not being able to pay you back for your kindness and tried to make up for it by being helpful around the house

No matter what type of wardrobe you have, Nadia helped plan your outfits for the few weeks she was there

You two went shopping once and she managed to get a bunch of deals

Yeah, she’s better at sweet talking and bartering than you’ll ever be :(

She wanted to know all about your interests and hobbies, they’re all fascinating to her

She gives the best advice and listens attentively to any of your problems

Have any toxic friends? Rude family members? Teachers or bosses making your life miserable? Nadia will verbally demolish them and make sure you’ll be treated well after she’s gone

When she eventually had to leave, she left you a sweet letter to read whenever you’re sad

-Julian Devorak-

Pure utter chaos when he first pops in

You’re yelling, he’s yelling, everything is a mess

Eventually, you both calm down though and manage to talk things out, Julian rambling so quickly you can barely understand him

The two of you manage to figure out that Asra’s spell will last a few weeks. So, in the meantime, Julian is stuck with you

At first he acted all confident as he tried to convince both himself and you that he had this entire situation under control

That is, until he stepped into the kitchen and nearly caused three disasters in five seconds

You gave him a crash course on Earth and he literally took notes and made flashcards that he would randomly look at as you showed him around

When friends and family began to question his presence, the both of you had this elaborate story about how Julian was a childhood friend who was stopping in town to meet up with his family. There were character names and everything, y’all really got into it

He’s fascinated by the medical advances in the real world and loves all those hospital shows like Grey’s Anatomy. You two are definitely going to spend some time cuddled up on the couch watching those shows

He was so excited about seeing everything and kind of frustrated he couldn’t get you anything as a way to repay you for taking care of him and being such a good teacher in general

He actually picked a bunch of flowers for you, and while you’re certain he stole some of them, it was a very kind gesture

If you got sick at all during his stay, he’d go into doctor mode and nurse you back to health

He was constantly making plans to spend every single second he could with the real world version of you, so that he could return to his world knowing as much about you as he could

-Muriel-

When he simply appeared in your room you two silently stared at one another for a very long time and then began to panic

Muriel was more flustered than you because it took him a second to realize he was right in front of the real mc, the real version of you

You managed to calm him down though, and after that it was pretty smooth sailing

Muriel was not a fan of the attention he got for his height whenever you two went out to malls or other such public spaces

It was just a lot to process. You both knew each other, but Muriel’s mind couldn’t quite process the real world version of the mc he knew so well and you couldn’t quite believe that Muriel was here in real, 3-D form

It was even harder for you because everyone wanted to know all about him and kept asking all these questions him

That’s why you spent the majority of your time in less public spaces or just stayed home and enjoyed things like baking, video games, and movies

Muriel really enjoys farming games like Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing and he’s really good at them too

Is 100% down to be a listening ear for all your real world problems

He feels a little guilty that he’s known you for so long, yet this is the first time he’s been able to help you with your real life problems

So he plans on being as helpful as he can be for the few weeks he’s with you and insists on helping with any chores around the house

When he had to leave, he tried to stay calm, but the moment you started getting upset, he’d get upset too

He left you a wood carving of one of your favorite things, like a favorite animal, favorite character, favorite something that would mean a lot to you and show you there’s always of part of him with you

-Portia Devorak-

When Portia suddenly popped into existence beside you, you were both surprised, but like, too shocked to properly freak out?

“Oh. Hello, Portia.”

“Oh. Hello to you too. You look a little different… where are we?”

You managed to get in a pretty calm explanation about where she was and a bit of info about the modern world before she started freaking out

She was stuck here for two weeks and neither of you knew any way to get her back to her own world, so you decided to just go with it

Portia was mystified by all parts of modern life

Her favorite things are always the clothes and the food

Technology low key scared her for the first few days, but you helped her adjust

Her favorite thing is ordering stuff online because there’s so much cool stuff!!! And she can get it all in the click of a few buttons!!! So cool!!!

She always links your arm with hers when you’re showing her parts of town so that the two of you can’t get separated

She’s pretending to be a good friend of yours who is coming from out of the country and will be staying for a few weeks

You two do a lot of baking and Portia only starts one, little fire by using the microwave wrong :)

If you have any big problems in your life Portia is an absolute sweetheart about them. She listens perfectly and will give you all the advice and comfort you need

She’s such a cheerleader and gives you a bunch of compliments and support that she can’t give to you in the game

When the time came for her to leave, she wrapped you in her arms and wouldn’t let go until Asra’s spell pulled her back into the game

After she left, you realized she had secretly made you a cute stuffed animal version of Pepi just for you <3

-Lucio-

S c r e a m i n g

He got really defensive really fast because he was so confused

You confused him because you look a lot like the mc in the game but, since this is the real world you, you look recognizable but different

You had to carefully pry the make-shift weapon he had grabbed and explain who you were and what you thought had happened

After that Lucio chilled out but was still a little on edge

With all the technology you showed him he either loved it or hated it

Itty bitty phone screens that don’t respond to his metal hands, somewhat larger tv screens that are as confusing as Asra’s magic, and dumb people called Siri who can’t understand him? Stupid

Super fast cars and speakers that blare music? Very cool

He wasn’t the best at hiding the fact that he’s from a game and almost let it slip a few times

So you have to dive into the conversation to assure this random stranger that no, your exchange student is only joking about being a count, isn’t he hilarious???

Give him a sharp elbow in the ribs to shut him up, works 9/10

He loves movie theaters so much and will beg to go there all the time while he’s with you

He’s always very touchy because this is probably the only time he’ll get with the real version of you, and he wants to savor every bit of it

He’s an extremely picky eater and seems to only like the food you make

While spending time with the version of you in the game is always fun, it was always wonderful to get to meet the real you. A few weeks didn’t feel like nearly enough time to get to know you

He acted like going back to the his world wasn’t a big deal up until the last second when the spell started pulling him back. Then, blinking away tears, he wrapped you in a far too tight hug that was surprisingly comforting

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wasted-headspace-98 · 3 years

Text

Cataegis: Part II

Summary: An apprentice to the famed Mace Windu, your master has made sure you are strong with the Force. But, sometimes the Force has other plans. And you happen to be caught in the middle of them. Rating: 18+ Warnings: Nonexplicit sexual content, slow-burn, noncon elements (non explicit), underage elements (non explicit), inappropriate use of the force, etc Pairing: Sith!Obi-Wan x Reader Masterlist

Cataegis (n.) Latin word meaning tempestuous storm

Part I

“Master?” you asked tentatively, approaching him with your hands clasped behind your back.

Mace turned his head slightly when he heard your footsteps approaching. “I can feel your worry from across the temple, Padawan.” he said. “What’s troubling you?”

You sighed, shaking your head and dropping to your knees in front of him, mirroring his meditative position. You hadn’t had any other Force interactions with the Sith Lord since that day a week ago. But you could feel a presence pushing at the back of your consciousness, and you knew it was him. And you didn’t understand why the connection was so strong or why it had been made in the first place.

“What…what exactly happened? I’ve heard that Cataegis was once a Jedi. But what turned him to the Dark Side?”

Master Windu let out a breath. “I thought you would come looking for answers,” he said. He relaxed his position slightly, no longer as tense as he was a few moments ago. “I can’t give you everything you’re looking for, but I can give you a start.”

You patiently waited for him to continue. You knew that talking about a fallen comrade wasn’t an easy thing, and even less so when one had fallen so far from the light. So, you didn’t press him, simply allowing your master to take his time.

Something tapped on your mental walls and you blinked in surprise. Windu had closed his eyes and began breathing evenly. That tapping was coming from him. Relaxing into your seat, you closed your eyes and allowed him inside.

Master Kenobi was one of the most loyal Jedi I had ever met. Qui Gon trained his padawan well.

Images of the Jedi Master flashed in your mind. Master Windu began sharing some of his memories with you, allowing you to feel what knowing the man had been like. Pride and a strong bond of friendship flooded your system as you witnessed various points in the Jedi’s life. The emotions were Windu’s; he was simply allowing you to feel them as he had.

He was a strong Knight, one with a powerful connection to the Force. He grieved the loss of his Master, but did what he could to train Anakin.

Darth Vader, you responded.

Yes. They worked well together despite Anakin’s unusual approach to many situations.

Now, now, little one. Opening your mind to another Force User? Tsk, tsk, tsk. And here I thought what we had was special.

A loud gasp fell from your lips and your eyes slammed open as you yanked all of your mental shielding back up. Mace was forcibly ejected from your mind with a grunt, and he quite literally fell backwards a bit when he came to.

“Y/N, what-“

If you wanted to know more about me, love, all you had to do was ask.

“Get out of my head,” you hissed aloud, scrunching your eyes shut once again.

He hummed quietly. As much as you and I would both enjoy that, I don’t think I can. So, it seems you’re stuck with me.

When you opened your eyes again, you were still sitting across from Mace, but another figure had entered the room as well. He stood back towards the wall, his black robes blending into the shadows that danced in the dying sunlight.

“Master-“ you choked, eyes widening the longer you stared at the man.

“There’s no use, love. He can’t see me. That privilege belongs only to you.”

The deep voice and smooth Coruscanti accent rolled off his tongue with ease, sending a shiver down your spine. Every instinct you had was telling you to run, to get out of the dangerous situation you found yourself in.

But something else came over you, something you hadn’t felt before. A deep sense of calm flooded your system, sinking down into your very core. You felt yourself relax, and your shoulders dropped from the tense and defensive position you had taken.

“There’s such conflict in you,” Cataegis said with a frown, coming closer to you. You couldn’t see much of his face from beneath the cowl, save for the glowing golden eyes of the Sith Lord. “Has Windu not even taught you to control your emotions?” he asked in surprise.

“He has, you said, taking a shaky breath. “But it’s a bit difficult in a situation like this…”

Cataegis cocked his head as he examined you. He raised his hand, fingers outstretched to brush across your cheek. “Such power runs through you, little one. It’s no wonder you have a hard time keeping it in check.”

You didn’t even have to force yourself to stay still beneath his touch. The soothing calmness that washed over you kept you from doing so.

“Why are you here?” you asked eventually, now more curious than anything.

“I could ask you the same thing, love. Why am I here? It seems you have a power held over me that even I don’t understand.”

You frowned in confusion. “I’m not doing this,” you insisted. “I’m just as confused as you are.”

Cataegis hummed quietly and looked at your Master for a moment. Mace looked confused for a moment before quickly realizing what was happening. He stood back with his arms crossed, allowing you to deal with your experience.

“A Sith and a Jedi,” he mumbled to himself. “A dark Lord and a warrior of the Light.”

You frowned. “We have nothing in common, Sith. What do you want from me?”

He tsked you again, shaking his head. “I think we have more in common than you think, little one. The Force wouldn’t connect us like this without a purpose.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “I doubt the Force is doing this.”

Cataegis raised an eyebrow at you from under the cowl. “Then Windu hasn’t taught you well enough,” he said. “The Force works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it takes more than a Jedi to see that.”

A huff escaped your lips. You were getting nowhere with this man. And honestly, you weren’t sure if you wanted to. The whole thing confused you to no end and you didn’t want him in your head. You raised your mental shielding even further, trying to quite literally shove his presence out of your mind. But as if reading your thoughts, Cataegis let out a quiet chuckle. “There’s no need to try and hide your thoughts, my dear. I won’t pry unless I need to.” You gave him a skeptical look and he rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Even as a Sith, I realize that there are things sacred to each individual. I won’t deprive you of that right simply to sate my curiosity.”

That gave you pause for a moment, and you blinked in surprise.

He snorted at you. “Don’t look so surprised. I might be a Dark Warrior, but I still have my morals.” He seemed rather put off by the fact that you would think otherwise. Why, you didn’t know. But he was right, it had surprised you. You were expecting him to simply reach in and take what he wanted instead of standing there speaking to you. And you had to admit, this turn of events wasn’t unpleasant, although unexpected.

“What do you want from me?” you asked eventually.

He hummed as he approached you, clasping his hands behind his back and walking in a circle around you. It was as if he was appraising you, taking in every detail that he could. “I would imagine it’s much the same as you want from me, love.”

The closer he walked, the more you felt your senses softening. There was something about his presence that soothed you to your very core. And that alone put you on edge. It was a rather interesting feeling to say the least. His presence was powerful, and you knew he was capable of unspeakable things. But strangely, you felt no sense of danger from him. Instead, there was nothing but peace. It was a similar feeling to that which you had while meditating. There was an odd calmness that washed over you whenever he was near you. And the affect didn’t go unnoticed. You opened the eyes you hadn’t realized you closed, coming eye to eye with a sea of golden depths.

“You feel it too,” you said quietly.

Cataegis felt no need to question you. He knew exactly what you were talking about. “Yes.” he said simply. There was a hint of curiosity in his tone, and you had to admit that you had the same feeling gnawing at you. As much as your training had gone against everything you were doing, you stood in front of him, not moving a muscle. You could feel his breath fan against your face as he reached up and brushed his knuckles across your cheek.

“I think our time is up, little one.” he said quietly. You stared at him unblinkingly as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear. It had fallen out of the braid around your head, catching his attention. “But I think we’ll be seeing each other more often than not.”

Your eyes opened with a gasp as a wave of force energy exploded from your body. Your ears picked up on the sound of breaking clay and glass, and short circuiting wiring within the walls. Even your Master was sent flying through the air, his back colliding with the wall hard enough to crack it. You yourself were covered in a sheen of sweat and you realized yo0u were shaking.

“Y/N?”

Your eyes focused on Windu, who was pulling himself up and making his way towards you. You managed to pull yourself out of the trance you were in and you gasped, immediately bolting to your feet. You helped him up, quickly checking him over for any major injuries.

“Are you alright, Master?” you asked.

He coughed a couple times before letting out a quiet chuckle. “I think I can take a few hits.” he said. “The question is, are you alright? I haven’t seen you in a meditation like that before.”

You shook your head. “It wasn’t a meditation,” you said.

Mace raised an eyebrow at you. “Then what was it?”

A frustrated sigh escaped you as you helped him find a seat. “I think it was a vision,” you said.

He hummed quietly. “I can feel your fear, apprentice. There’s no use in hiding it.”

And it was true. You were scared. You didn’t know what these visions meant, or how they were happening. Cataegis seemed to think it was a Force connection. You had to admit, that made sense. But that didn’t mean you understood it. There was a chance it was all his doing and he was simply manipulating you into believing it. But then you thought about what his presence had felt like. Sith or Jedi, you’d never felt anything like it before. And you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that he was projecting it. There had to be something else, something stronger binding the two of you together.

“I saw him again,” you said quietly, grabbing Windu’s arm to examine one of the wounds there. A piece of a vase had embedded itself in his flesh and you made yourself busy with cleaning it up.

“Saw who?”

“Cataegis,”

A hum sounded from deep in his chest. You knew that sound. It wasn’t often that your master was perplexed. But when he was, it was a troubling puzzle indeed. And you couldn’t stand the thought of being part of that mystery.

You’d known Master Windu your entire life. You’d grown up admiring him as a youngling. And when he had decided to take you as his apprentice, you were over the moons. He was more than simply your master. He had become more of a father figure to you than anything. You relied on him and trusted him more than anyone in your life before. Yoda had said that it was a special bond between Master and Padawan, but you knew it went deeper than that. The two of you had been through hell and back. You’d been his commander in the middle of the Clone Wars, his Padawan in training, his closest friend in times of peace. But one thing you’d never been was a mystery.

Becoming one now was going to test the limits of your patience. You didn’t even understand what was happening, or why. You didn’t want to be a puzzle for Mace to pick apart.

“There’s no use asking,” you said after a moment. “I don’t know what he wants or why I’m even seeing him.”

Mace shook his head. “That’s not what I was going to ask,” he said softly. “I was going to ask if you’re alright.”

You blinked in surprised, taken aback by his words. “Oh,” you said. “I..I don’t know.” you said honestly. You weren’t sure how to process what was happening, and you were even less sure that you could trust what your eyes were telling you.

He nodded. “That’s understandable, Y/N.” His tone was gentle as he spoke, which was something he did only when he knew how much of a toll things were taking on you. He believed that trials were what built character and made one stronger. But even he knew there were things that were too much, even among the Jedi. “We’ll figure this out together.”

Taglist: @rogueheretic555 @lordofthenerds97 @say-something-nice-missy @doctor-warthrop

#star wars #obi wan x reader #sith obi wan x reader #sith obi wan #clone wars #jedi #jedi x sith #reader insert #facfic #star wars fic

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morganaspendragonss · 3 years

Text

holly's august extravaganza day 26: slowly becoming lovers

for sonia (@pragmaticoptimist34)! i have to confess something - i got so caught up in writing this that i actually forgot to include either of the other two prompts you sent me 🙈 i hope you like it anyway!

second confession - it was supposed to be longer and then it kind of got away from me so i had to draw a line somewhere oops

thanks to @ravens-words, @cosmiicmalex, @halsteadmarchs and liz (sorry, i don't know your tumblr!) for enabling me and to @noxsoulmate for beta'ing!

ao3 | 2.9k | falling in love, fluff, tiny, tiny hint of hurt/comfort, soft tarlos, set between s1 and s2

Things don’t get fixed overnight. They agree to give them a shot, but that doesn’t change the fact that TK is still reeling from his break-up and overdose, nor that Carlos is still hesitant and afraid of pushing too hard at once.

But, slowly, they get to know each other. And, slowly, they start to fall in love.

i. food preferences

“You have to be joking.”

“It tastes like soap, Carlos!”

Carlos groans and drops his head into his hands, shaking his head at this latest revelation from his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who has just made his life—or at least his cooking—a hell of a lot more complicated. “My mamá would have a fit if she could hear you now.”

He almost regrets the words as TK’s eyes alight with interest; he’s been dancing around the topic of his parents for a while now, but it’s not like he can deny what he said. His mom would be having a fit, or possibly attempting to kill TK with a wooden spoon, if she found out that Carlos’s boyfriend was not only a gringo, but one who hates coriander.

“I swear, you won’t even taste it when it’s mixed into the food,” he tries, because coriander is a staple of his cooking, and he can’t even fathom not using it.

But TK just levels him with a firm look. “Yes, I will, Carlos. I’ll always taste it.”

Carlos rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s theatrics, but sighs, relenting. “Fine. I suppose I can—” He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, as TK throws his arms around him and plants a noisy kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, babe,” he says, grinning cheekily.

“Yeah, yeah,” Carlos grumbles, but he can’t help but smile.

There’s very little, he’s finding, that he wouldn’t do for TK.

ii. nicknames

It slips out by accident one day.

“TK,” Carlos groans, followed by a gasp as TK moves just right, sending sparks of pleasure down his spine. “TK, Ty—”

TK instantly freezes on top of him and Carlos’s eyes open, concern rising in him as he takes in the pensive look on his boyfriend’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…” TK shakes his head and forces a smile. “It’s nothing. I’m good, I promise.” He ducks down to kiss Carlos again, but the mood is all wrong, and Carlos gently pushes him back, raising an eyebrow. TK holds out a moment longer, then sighs and rolls away, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s stupid.”

Carlos tuts, reaching over to brush a hand through TK’s hair. “Bet you $20 it’s not.”

“Hope you have $20 then, Reyes,” TK says wryly. He looks over at Carlos and sighs again, biting his lip. “It’s just… You called me Ty.”

“Oh.” Carlos’s eyes widen and he props himself up on an elbow. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking; it won’t happen again—”

TK presses a finger against his lips, cutting him off abruptly. He smiles softly, then removes his finger and caresses Carlos’s cheek. “It’s okay,” he says. “More than okay, actually. I… I’ve always hated my name, but, I don’t know, I guess it sounded right? Like, when you said it? I think I’d kill anyone else who tried, but I really liked it coming from you.”

“Are you sure? You’re not just saying that because—”

Carlos is again cut off, this time by TK’s lips on his. TK moves so that he’s straddling Carlos again, hands pressed against his chest. “I’m sure,” he whispers, a grin playing at his mouth. “Now, weren’t we in the middle of something?”

iii. religion

Christmas sneaks up on him that year. Between helping the city recovering from the solar storm, work in general, the pandemic, and building his relationship with TK, Carlos has completely lost track of the months, until it’s a week before the date and he has nothing planned.

Really, it’s never been a big deal for him; he and his family used to attend mass and make an event out of it when he was a kid, but now he’s an adult, he’s often working, and he hasn’t been to church regularly since he was a teenager. But this year is different. This year, he’ll be spending it with TK, their first Christmas together, and he wants to make it special.

But he’s left it too late—nothing he orders online will arrive in time, the shops are becoming a nightmare, and he honestly has no clue where to even start. So Carlos resigns himself to another quiet Christmas, frustration and disappointment welling in him at the thought of telling his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out one night over dinner, the thought having been gnawing at him for days.

TK raises a brow. “For?”

“Christmas,” Carlos sighs, looking down into his stew. “It’s our first one together and I had all these plans, and then I just sort of… I didn’t forget! But things have been so crazy, and—”

He’s cut off when TK lays a hand on his. When Carlos looks up at him, TK seems to be fighting back laughter, which is confusing at best and potentially mildly insulting at worst.

“Babe,” TK says, grinning, “it’s okay. You might not believe me, but I forgot too. Christmas wasn’t really a thing growing up—my mom’s Jewish, so I used to celebrate Hanukkah on the years I stayed with her, and Dad was working more often than not. I don’t care, I promise.”

Carlos blinks. “You’re Jewish?” Surely he would know if… But they’ve never discussed religion before, and Carlos had kind of assumed TK had the same ideals as him about the church. In hindsight that was stupid and presumptuous, and Carlos can’t quite believe he’d do something like that. An apology is on the tip of his tongue, but TK just shrugs, going back to his stew.

“Half,” he says. “I don’t really practice anymore but I still keep the beliefs with me, if that makes sense?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

TK smiles at him, and Carlos suddenly realises that this holiday season will be special after all, even if they don’t celebrate anything. Because he’s with TK, which is the most special thing in the world.

iv. how they sleep

Carlos has been sleeping alone for a long time. He’s had a couple of short-term boyfriends and the odd hook-up here and there, but he’s never had someone else in his bed regularly—certainly not regularly enough to get used to it.

TK was hesitant at first to stay over, but once he started to be more comfortable, it was almost a given that they’d be sleeping together whenever their shifts allowed.

And it had been an adjustment.

TK had warned him he tended to move around and be clingy in his sleep, but Carlos hadn’t quite understood what that meant, until now. He is, essentially, trapped under TK, his arms pinned to his sides and one leg thrown over his hip. TK’s head is pillowed on Carlos’s shoulder and his breath is fanning in soft puffs over his skin.

The only way he can move is if he wakes TK up, and there’s no way Carlos is going to do that. His boyfriend looks so peaceful, and Carlos is more than happy to be clung onto like a koala to a branch if it keeps that expression on his face.

In fact, he thinks he can get used to this very easily.

v. pda

In private, their days are filled with gentle touches and stolen kisses. Carlos will be cooking breakfast and TK will slip his arms around him, kissing the back of his neck. TK will be doing one chore or another and Carlos will brush a hand over his back or gently nudge him as he walks past.

But in public, it’s a whole other story.

It’s almost reflexive, the way TK reaches for Carlos’s hand as they’re walking down the street. It’s something they do all the time at home, and even with their friends, but this time, Carlos immediately tenses, seemingly automatically pulling his hand away.

“You okay?” he asks, frowning.

Carlos takes a deep breath, then obviously plasters on a smile, retaking TK’s hand—and TK can feel the tension in the gesture. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” TK gently lets go of Carlos and smiles reassuringly up at him. “It’s okay if you’re not comfortable with touching in public.”

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This is all on me; I should have asked.”

“But—”

“But, nothing.” He carefully bumps their soldiers together. “You’re entitled to your boundaries, I’m just sorry for overstepping. Tell me next time, please?”

Carlos hesitates, but nods, a gentle press of their arms a silent acknowledgment of agreement and understanding.

vi. scars

Carlos, TK has noticed, likes to pay extra attention to his bullet scar. Whether it’s pressing a gentle kiss over it when they’re in bed, or brushing it with his fingers when wrapping an arm around him, it happens too often for TK to believe it’s anything but intentional.

He doesn’t understand it at first.

Then he discovers Carlos’s own scars.

“What’s this?” he asks, tracing over the thick raised scarring on Carlos’s side. It stretches along the curve of his waist and round his back, and TK has no idea how he hasn’t noticed it before.

Carlos cranes his neck, letting out a hum when he sees what TK’s looking at. His head flops back down on the pillow and he closes his eyes, absently stroking up and down TK’s sides.

“It was...three years ago, maybe?” he says. “I got stabbed on a call. They told me it was pretty touch-and-go for a while, but they fixed me up and I was back at work in a month.”

His eyes are still closed, body completely relaxed, but TK can’t take his eyes off the scar. He reaches up to his own scar, and he gets it.

Carlos’s eyes crack open. “TK?”

“I’m good,” TK murmurs. He breaks his gaze from Carlos’s abdomen and smiles at him. “We both are.”

And if, after that day, Carlos notices him paying more attention to that scar, he doesn’t say anything.

vii. penguin or panda

“You’re out of your mind!”

In Carlos’s defence, a zoo date had seemed like a good idea. He knows TK loves animals, and he himself grew up around them, so in theory, a trip to Austin Zoo should have been the perfect time to get to know each other better while enjoying the day.

Turns out, TK has some very strong opinions on animals, and is willing to budge for absolutely no-one.

“I can’t believe you think penguins are cuter than pandas! I mean, look at them, Carlos!” He gestures emphatically to the panda enclosure, where one is napping on a log. It’s pretty cute, Carlos has to admit, but…

He shrugs. “But remember when the penguins were all huddling together?”

TK makes a noise of outrage, and Carlos has to laugh, then some more at the wounded pout he gets for it. “Is this really a thing for you?” he asks. “Like, is this going to be the dealbreaker for us?”

TK folds his arms and levels him with a stern look. “That depends,” he says. “Meerkats or koalas?”

And, just because he knows it will rile TK up more, Carlos grins and answers, “Meerkats.”

(They don’t break-up over it, but Carlos isn’t so sure that TK will be forgiving him any time soon.)

viii. special interests

“Say you could go back to a moment in history, but only once,” TK says, out of the blue, breaking the comfortable silence of the front room. Carlos stops carding his fingers through TK’s hair and looks down at him, curious. “Where would you go?”

Carlos opens his mouth, but TK doesn’t give him a second to answer. “Is it cliché if I said I’d go to Stonewall? I mean, I’d really like to see dinosaurs in the flesh, or—oh! I was, like, obsessed with pirates as a kid; I thought they were the coolest things ever, and I pretty much idolised Anne Bonny. But I’m pretty sure I’d die immediately if I went to either of those places, so…”

He trails off, a blush rising on his cheeks. “Sorry, I’m boring you.”

“No!” Carlos rushes to say. “No, you’re not. I love history, I just… What makes you ask?”

“It’s something we got into at the station earlier. Mateo brought it up first, I think?”

Carlos hums, pursing his lips in thought. “I guess…” He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s too hard. There’s so many places I’d want to go and people I’d want to meet.”

“But if you had to pick?” TK pushes, sitting upright and looking at Carlos with interest.

“I really want to meet Eleanor of Aquitaine, but if I could only go to one place…” He hesitates and thinks it over some more, but then his eyes catch on the masks hanging along the stairway, and he’s sure. “Tenochtitlan, but before Cortés arrived. It was a whole society, and I just think it would be so cool to see it up close and to know what it was like first-hand. I mean, I’ve read a lot of books, but we don’t have much from the Mexica people, a lot is from the conquerors, and—”

Carlos stops and huffs a laugh. “Now I’m the one boring you,” he says, but TK shakes his head, eyes bright.

“Tell me more.”

ix. coffee order

TK accepts the coffee without even thinking about it, even taking a sip before he realises he never told Carlos what his order was. He curses himself but resolves to drink it anyway; TK isn’t too much of a coffee snob, and he’s certainly not going to reject anything his boyfriend brings him.

He takes a second sip, and he’s so caught up in making a mental note to tell Carlos next time that it takes a minute for the taste to register. And…

It’s his order.

He looks sharply up at Carlos, who is smiling into his own coffee—therefore dispelling any notion of this being an insanely good guess. “How did you know?” he asks, bewildered.

The tips of Carlos’s ears turn pink, but the smile doesn’t leave his face as he looks up at TK. “Our first real date,” he says. “You mentioned that this was your go-to order.”

And TK can’t do anything but stare, because their first date was weeks ago, and Carlos still remembered, and it’s just…

He thinks—no, he knows—he’s falling in love.

x. fears

“Weirdest fears, go.”

TK has to laugh at the perplexed look Carlos sends him at the question, the straw of his boba hanging out of his mouth. Now that they’ve figured a sort of rhythm out between them, they decided to try the boba place again—there have been no emergencies or disasters so far, so TK is counting it as a win.

“Come on,” he continues. “Last time we were here, you said we barely knew each other—which was true—so now we’re going to fix it.”

Carlos’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “By telling each other our weirdest fears?”

“Exactly!” TK grins. “I’ll go first if you’re too chicken. Mine is slicing my hands open or cutting some fingers off with ice skates.”

“What?” Carlos breathes, disbelief all over his face. “I’ve never been ice skating but I’m pretty sure your hands aren’t supposed to go anywhere near the blades.”

“I didn’t say it was rational.” TK sips his boba, raising an eyebrow at Carlos. “Your turn.”

Carlos swallows, suddenly very interested in the table. “I, uh. When I was a kid, my Tía Lucy had a snake get into her pipes. She only discovered it when she went to the toilet one morning and it was just...sitting there in the bowl. I was terrified for years that the same would happen to us, and it’s kind of become a reflex to check.”

“Oh my god.” TK can’t help but burst out laughing, even though he feels bad for it as Carlos covers his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, I know it’s a real thing for you, I just…”

But Carlos’s shoulders are shaking too and, bizarrely, TK really does feel closer to him now.

It’s a good feeling.

xi. long-term commitments

Carlos is surprised when TK is the one to bring it up first.

“Do you ever think about the future?” he asks one day, head in Carlos’s lap, staring up at the ceiling.

Carlos pauses the show he’s technically supposed to be watching and quirks an eyebrow at his boyfriend. “Sure,” he says. “What about the future exactly?”

TK hesitates, and his voice comes out a lot quieter when he next speaks. “Like…” He sighs, a small flush rising on his cheeks. “The future. Our future. Us. Maybe...marriage, or…”

He trails off, practically whispering by the end of it. His gaze has shifted from the ceiling to the frozen TV screen and he’s chewing on his bottom lip, body stiff with tension. “Sorry,” he mutters. “Forget about it.”

But Carlos is learning to read TK, and he knows he was looking for reassurance. “I mean, yeah,” he says. “I think about it. Do you?”

TK stares up at him, wonder in his eyes. “After New York, I thought… But yeah. Yeah, I do.”

They share a smile as they lock eyes, and Carlos knows that they’re on the same page here. That, distant though they may be, both of them can hear wedding bells in their future.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #tarlos #tarlos fic #tk strand #carlos reyes #911ls #lone star #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my writing #holly's august extravaganza #pragmaticoptimist34

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gilly-bj · 3 years

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Why the “Eremika kiss” doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

In the new chapter, we saw for the first time something that we didn’t expect to happen in the manga: a kiss, between Mikasa and (dead)Eren, probably not like we all imagined. This kiss hit everyone hard, also the Eremika shippers, who weren’t very happy with the fact that Eren was already dead when Mikasa kissed him. Eremikas unfortunately weren’t the only ones sad, also lots of Rivamikas had this feeling and, I was one of them.

When the chapter came out and I saw Mikasa kissing Eren, I literally crashed (windows.exe stopped working); my whole body stopped working and the only sensible thought I could elaborate was: “Wait, WTF!”. After I scraped together that quantity of calm that could make me, at least, sit down, I started to write posts that I’ve already eliminated, so don’t look for them because I made them disappear, because my opinions changed radically.

Quick note for you guys from your G: in these cases, don’t write immediately what you’re thinking in that exact moment. I was incredibly frustrated, so the posts I wrote were full of complaints. I didn’t analyzed the kiss from other prospectives, because for me it was only the “eremika kiss”. Remember to wait at least the traduction of the chapter, official or not; you’ll have enough time to reflect on it and elaborate opinions lucidly.

Anyway, in this post I’ll talk about three things:

Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream

The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika

Final considerations about RM

The subheadings are written in their own special colour, so if you’re not interested in one of them, it will be easier to find the other.

Let’s start!

• Eremika’s conversation and Mikasa’s dream.

Mikasa has an headache and she wake up in her ideal world, where she lives with Eren in a isolated cabin in the woods. This chapter is from Mikasa’s pov, and note that her perfect image of home is again showed, probably for the last time. I think that Mikasa’s feelings for Eren were kinda obvious, apart from the fact that I never liked or supported them, they are here and we can’t do anything against them.

But I’ve never imagined to see that kind of selfish dream from Mikasa; she is the girl who always cares for everyone, the one who is ready to sacrifice herself for the well-being of her friends, the one who loves them and support them independently from the situation. To be honest, it hurts to see that in her dream, Armin isn’t with them; if there wasn’t Levi, my shipper heart would have hurt but I’d understand, they aren’t so close yet, but Armin, they’ve grown together.

But I’m not mad at Mikasa, each of us has a selfish dream deep inside, where we’d rather sacrifice others to save our special person; it doesn’t mean that we don’t love them, it’s just, if we’d have to choose, we’d prefer to keep safe only him or her. Let me explain better my point with an example: imagine a man who lives in a country at war; he has the possibility to save just two people and he has to choose between his wife and daughter or his parents. He would probably save his wife and daughter, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his parents. Choosing between the people we love is the most painful thing in the world, but sometimes we just have to do it, and in Mikasa’s case, she’d choose Eren.

Anyway, before talking about the conversation, I want to analyze a little detail: during her all dream, Mikasa and Eren are in their teen form, why? Well, my interpretation is that Mikasa is still in love with the old Eren and she can’t understand the new one, indeed, one she said: “I’ll bring the old Eren back”. Even if she doesn’t completely understand him, she still loves him, and that’s why I adore Mikasa.

Anyway, let’s analyze better their conversation:

Eren wakes Mika up and he states their situation in that moment, how they ran away leaving the others to their cruel destiny. Now, do we all agree how that doesn’t fit Eren’s character, at all. His most famous line is “Fight if you want to win”, which it shows how brave he is; if he’d run away with Mikasa, he would act like a coward, and he can’t accept cowardice.

And here, Mikasa’s biggest regret: the answer she gave to Eren; remeber when she said: “If only I gave him another answer”, and in her dream she probably did: thanks to Eren’s words, we can assume that Mikasa told him to run away with her, to leave everything, probably what she wanted to answer in the reality. I interpreted that scene from chapter 123 like a Mikasa who couldn’t answer because taken by surprise, and then came up with a thing she didn’t mean who is still harassing her.

Let’s say that the Eren in the previous panels was Mikasa’s idealized version, but then something changes. Look at Eren’s face:

The marks. And why did they appear casually? Because, this is the true Eren, the one they are going to kill, the one who wanted to give his probably last message to Mikasa, and in fact the most important part of the conversation: “Please...Mikasa, forget about me”. At this point, I really don’t understand what the Eremika shippers found romantic in this chapter, the fact that the last thing Eren said to Mikasa is “forget about me” made things clear enough. We can notice that Eren entered her dream by the falcon here, funny that Mikasa is actually flying on Falco right now.

I really started to appreciate Mikasa and Eren’s relationship thanks to this chapter; even if I wasn’t, and I am not, a big fan of the Eremika ship, thinking about their relationship made me a bit sad. Anyway, I love the fact that Eren wanted to tell this to Mikasa, I think he deeply want her to live a life without him, because he’s already understood that they have different life goals, different way of thinking, different natures.

Before skipping to the next point, I noticed that many Rivamika shippers’ve already talked about the similarity between Eren and Levi in some of the panels, I’m not going to dwell because I‘ll write a different post about it, but I wanted to say that it can’t be just a coincidence, Levi and Eren’s haircuts are very different and there’s no way to confuse them. I don’t know why Isayama did this; maybe it’s a foreshadowing, or maybe he just wanted to trol us (it’s always him), I’ll just wait patiently April to see if my assumptions are right 😌

• The kiss and why it doesn’t affect Rivamika at all

Ah this kiss, this damn kiss. Uff, let me sit down and let’s talk about it.

So, Mikasa decides to kill Eren and she enters his mouth thanks to Levi’s help. The first thing she sees is Eren’s head, and I think we should already stop and analyze better this moment.

Look at his expression: he seems kinda... happy and, maybe also proud. Why? Because Mikasa finally decided to do the right thing, she chose Humanity, she sacrificed him, the person she loves the most, for the others. That’s her development. Even if she’ll never forget him, she chose to be selfless over selfish, and I’m glad she decided to remember Eren; it’s awful to forget to ones we loved in the past, we shouldn’t forget them, after all, they made us feel beautiful things, thanks to them we gained fantastic memories, why should we completely remove them from our life? Feelings can change, they will change, and Mikasa will change her romantic feelings towards Eren, it’s simply natural, but asking her to forget him is cruel; Levi won’t forget his dead friends, Armin won’t forget his grandfather, Eren won’t forget his mum, and it’s beautiful this way.

Now, let’s get into the spicy of this post: the kiss. Let me the transform in a love specialist (I’m nobody XD). I really don’t see anything romantic in it. Really, is probably the most tragic and sad among Eremika’s interactions because it shows how Mikasa’s feelings have never been reciprocated; she already tried to kiss him, in season 2, and he “rejected” her (that wasn’t a explicit reject but, if I’m not wrong, he didn’t try the Coordinate before so he didn’t know if it worked, he preferred to risk his life instead of kissing her. Actually, that’s also Eren’s personality), and now, yeah she managed to kiss him, but he was dead, he couldn’t kiss her back, couldn’t say anything, couldn’t reject her. I think that at this point, Mikasa already knew Eren wasn’t in love with her, she isn’t stupid, and she saw that kiss as a way to set herself free completely, to close a chapter of her life.

Another thing: I really don’t understand how can EM shippers say that Eremika is canon just because they kissed, sorry, Mikasa kissed him?? A simple kiss doesn’t make a couple canon, you have to analyze the feelings behind it. Why many of them can’t simply analyze a bit the story? Just, a bit...

• Final considerations and Rivamika

When I saw many Rivamika shippers being so happy about this chapter I really couldn’t understand, like “why are they happy if Mikasa literally kissed Eren?”. Well, at first I was very confused, the posts I read made me feel relieved, but... I wasn’t 100% convinced yet, because I was listening only to what the others said, I didn’t have my own opinion. I could see only the kiss (as a negative thing), and not all the foreshadowings we got in this chapter.

I have a certain theory but I will write a separated post about it, here, let’s discuss why that kiss isn’t a problem for us RM shippers. So, my biggest fear was that Mikasa’d live her all life mourning Eren and wouldn’t open herself to someone new, not necessarily Levi lying. Anyway, like I said before, please don’t stress yourself with rushed considerations, it’s just useless. I think that the kiss acted like as a springboard for Rivamika; like I said before, I interpreted it as a way to set herself free completely, to not have regrets because obviously, it was a thing that Mika wanted to do. Levi’s extreme care for her in this chapter, his determination when he saw that she ready to do this such painful thing made me... fly. They fought together until the end showing for the last time their chemistry and fantastic dynamic. Their interactions in this chapter were really special and I hope that there’ll be more in the future, maybe not only as a team;)

In conclusion, I loved this chapter so much, I can consider it as my favorite because, it gave me chills, for real.

I’ll start to work on my theory so yeah, this post isn’t ended yet lol. Stay tuned because there, I’ll talk only about RM so it will be... maybe more interesting from a shipper’s view. Tell me what you think about this in the comments 💜!

#rivamika #gilly bj #long post #I loved the chapter #thank you for the rivamika shippers who supported me

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rebloged-content · 3 years

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Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404 a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh.

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them.

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time.

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

#I hope it's okay to you I just went ahead and did this #if you don't feel comfortable with this or anything written in here feel free to let me know #also no I didn't check the spelling #I'm too tired to do that anyways #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #recommendations #list

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dangerouscommiesubversive · 3 years

Text

looking so camera-ready

Fandom: Mashin Sentai Kiramager

Characters: Oshikiri Shiguru, Oharu Sayo, Takamichi Crystalia

Song: "Pretty Please," Jackson Wang and Galantis (playlist here)

Note: This story probably has a wildly inaccurate idea of what filming a movie is like, but honestly I'm not too worried about it.

The interview

“So, Mr. Oshikiri,” says the interviewer, “what made you want to do a boy’s love film?”

Shiguru smiles winningly at her, and she visibly blushes as he’s answering. “Well, I’ve done a few romances before, it’s always a nice change of pace from serious period dramas, and when I was approached about this one, I thought, why not? And then of course the premise of the story is very enjoyable, I’ve never done science fiction at all before. I do all this sword-fighting on Earth, it might be fun to have a sword fight on another planet.”

She nods, still blushing. “That makes sense! Now, there are rumors that the movie’s going to be fairly racy; are you nervous about filming those sorts of scenes with another man?”

“Oh, not at all, why should I be? A kiss is a kiss no matter who it’s with, right?”

---

The crew

“Hey, Sugiyama,” says one of the grips to another “what’s a big-name heart surgeon doing on set? Seems a little extreme for first aid, don’t you think?”

Sugiyama grins. “Didn’t you know? She and Oshikiri are dating, it was all over magazine covers a few months ago when it got out. And apparently she’s a fan of the director’s, so she got Oshikiri to bring her. She’s real cute, ain’t she.”

“Shit, y’know, I do feel like I saw something about that, I don’t read those magazines but my girl eats ‘em up.” The first grip peers at where Dr. Oharu is standing, chatting pleasantly with the director. “Who’s the guy with her, though? The one in the silver jacket? Don’t recognize him from any magazine covers.”

A shrug. “Not sure. I think he’s affiliated with the company doing all’a this wild jewelry?”

---

Take 1—The first meeting

“All right, masquerade ball, take one!”

[They circle each other in an open space on the otherwise busy dance floor. The PRINCE’S costume is a rich, glowing blue; his antennae, rising up above his elaborate mask, have been gilded. The GUARD is dressed in a simpler brown, with a plain black mask, antennae unadorned.]

PRINCE: “What system are you from, stranger? What planet? Your costume is very striking.”

GUARD: “I’m no one special. And you don’t need to be polite about it, I know I’ve got the least interesting outfit here.” (openly looking at Prince’s body) “You look very nice.”

PRINCE: “But that’s what makes it so exciting! Everyone else here is overdressed, me included. Really, who are you?”

GUARD: “Isn’t it a little rude to ask someone their name at a masquerade? Your Highness?”

PRINCE: “Well, now you’re just teasing me, if you know who I am.”

GUARD: “Maybe I’m trying to tease you.”

PRINCE: (reaching for Guard’s hand) “Here, dance with me.”

“Cut! That was great! But let’s try it again from the top, gentlemen, with a little more, a little more mystery this time!”

---

There’s a break between takes, and tucked away in a briefly-quiet corner of the studio, Sayo says, “You should take me dancing sometime,” and beams up at Shiguru. “You look good out there.”

“You thought so? I only ever really feel confident dancing when I’m on camera.” Shiguru eats an energy bar in careful, delicate bites, working to not smudge any of his makeup, especially not the dramatically blue lip stain. “Although I suppose with everyone watching me like they do when we’re out that’s fairly similar to being on camera. I don’t really know places to dance, but we can go sometime if you like.”

“I would like, thank you.” She eyes him for a moment thoughtfully and then elbows Takamichi. “So, what did you think of it? As our resident alien prince?”

Takamichi shrugs, grinning. “It’s very interesting! Doesn’t look like any party I ever went to, though, most aliens look a littleless human than that.” He reaches out and flicks one of Shiguru’s antennae fondly.

“Take us to a party on Crystalia, then, show us what one of those looks like.” Sayo watches as Shiguru eats the last of his energy bar and then grabs his hand. “Show me how to do the dance you’re doing in that scene.”

They dance in their small space, Takamichi quietly clapping time until there’s a call of, “Five more minutes, people!” from nearby, at which point Sayo reaches up, grabs Shiguru by the collar of his costume, and pulls him into a lengthy kiss.

“You look good as an alien,” she says.

Shiguru blinks, blushing. “I, um. Ah. Thank you—oh dear.”

“What—oh, I forgot about your makeup.” Sayo’s hand flies up to cover the blue marking on her lips. “Quick, Takamichi, give me a handkerchief.”

As Takamichi produces a handkerchief and passes it to her, badly suppressing laughter, Shiguru pulls a compact mirror out of one of his sleeves and inspects the damage. “Excuse me, I have to go back to makeup to get this fixed, and ask them about a better setting option. If isn’t going to hold up to kissing then I’m barely going to make it through a quarter of the movie.”

---

Take 25—The dramatic kiss

“All right, let’s try this from the top!”

GUARD: “While we still have this time alone, though, I want to take the chance to do this.”

[He grabs Prince and sweeps him off his feet.]

PRINCE: “What are you—”

Thump.

“Ouch, oh, I’m sorry, Ray, was that your foot?”

“I should be apologizing to you, this is what, the third time I’ve dropped you?”

The director sighs. “Cut! What’s going on with this one?”

Shiguru winces as his co-star helps him off the floor. “I’m typically the one doing the dipping, is the problem, I’m not sure where to put my feet when I’m being dipped.”

His co-star looks similarly faintly embarrassed. “And I have dipped people before, but he’s a little bigger than my usual. No offense meant, Shiguru.”

“Oh, none taken.”

The director looks like she can’t decide being between frustrated and being amused. “You know, that’s fair, why don’t we take fifteen minutes so Oshikiri can get a break from being dropped on his tailbone for a little bit.”

---

“I can dip you without dropping you.”

Shiguru sighs, rubbing the small of his back. “Honestly, some of the problem’s me, I keep losing my footing mid-sweep and then over I go. I hope I didn’t hurt Ray’s foot too badly when I—whoa,” and he’s swept off his feet, as behind them Sayo claps delightedly.

“It’s all about supporting the back,” Takamichi says cheerfully as Shiguru stares up at him. “And you should maybe worry less about keeping your feet under you, you keep falling because you’re fighting to keep your balance instead of letting him do his thing. Do I have something on my face?”

“Ah. No. No.” Shiguru stares up at him, going red. “This is just. Different when it’s you.”

“I suppose it is.” Takamichi stares thoughtfully down at him, not letting go. “They figured out a better way to set your makeup, right?”

“Yes…? Why do you ask—”

Several minutes later Takamichi lets Shiguru stand up, and he kisses Sayo on the cheek, looking dazed. She reaches up and taps his nose with her finger. “I think you might need them to fix your hair before they start filming again.”

“Right, yes.” Shiguru nods slowly. “I imagine I do.”

---

Take 42—The racy bit

[Fade to black]

The lights come up on the set, and there’s a long, tense silence as the director and several other members of the production team fan themselves. Shiguru’s co-star stares down at him as he, in turn, is staring up, and then, after a moment, they both start to laugh, and the tension in the room breaks, and the director says, breathlessly, “Perfect, guys, got it in one, I don’t think we need any retakes on that one. But I do think we all deserve a breather for lunch, and then when we get back we’ll be doing the morning after with the attack by the insurgents and the prince’s big duel.”

Shiguru can’t get up until his co-star does, but when he is able to get his feet back on the floor he stretches and looks around. “Where did I put my socks, I know they’re somewhere around here—there they are.” Socks back on, he pads over to the edge of the sound stage, absently pulling the remains of the prince’s shirt up to cover his bare shoulder as he reaches the spot where Sayo and Takamichi are standing. “I forget, did we have plans for lunch?”

No answer.

“…guys?”

Sayo says, after a beat, “Takamichi and I thought of a good idea for lunch, yes.”

He nods expectantly. “Which is…?”

Takamichi grabs his hand, causing his shirt to fall back down off his shoulder. “Here, it’s this way.”

About forty-five minutes later, Shiguru wanders back out to the set. He’s eating a sandwich from the craft services table, somewhat absently, and he looks disheveled and flushed. There’s a noticeable red mark on the side of his neck. His shirt is, somehow, slightly more torn.

One of the women on the makeup crew looks at him and blinks. “Oh my god, come over here, let me fix you back up before we start filming again.”

As she’s reaching for him, though, she’s stopped by a hand on her arm. “No, don’t, this is perfect, he’s perfect.” The director looks him up and down. “I don’t know what you were having for lunch, darling, but this is the exact look we need for that morning-after scene.”

#oshikiri shiguru #oharu sayo #takamichi crystalia #fanfiction #30 day shuffle challenge

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rpbetter · 3 years

Note

I'm so tired of roleplaying with people who don't put half the commitment I do into our threads and muses. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a weirdo or like I don't belong for that. Any other hobby and people wouldn't care if I took it seriously. Why is roleplaying different? How can I keep going like this if I'm getting rudeness from all sides? I can't even go outside my already tiny bubble and find more partners, because I always see people putting roleplayers like me down and it's exhausting.

"Why is roleplaying different?"

Well, Anon, I know that was a rhetorical question, but I have some thoughts on that. To the surprise of no one!

I strongly believe that this is an issue with how fandom has come to dominate roleplaying. As I've said before, it really wasn't always like that. Of course, you always had canon characters and almost all RPers were invested in a fandom or two. The difference was that online RP was once viewed much more like tabletop RPGs are.

When the RPC became a near-total offshoot of Fandom, a lot of shit changed and very rapidly...and within Fandom, a lot of shit was changing very rapidly as well at that time.

RP has always been something looked down on (though, at least no one ever accused written RP online of being literally demonic like they did DnD, or made correlations to murder sprees like they did LARPing, so there's that) as strange, not the good, understandable sort of dorky.

Part of that is almost certainly because of the difference in the way society views writing vs the way it views hobbies like gaming - writing is seen as an intellectual pursuit and a job, gaming, even at its most negative points of view in wider society, has been seen traditionally as a downtime activity only.

But. RP was not looked down upon from within Fandom or in roleplay communities themselves like it is now.

When the whole experience of fandoms themselves became extremely mainstream and open, it welcomed in a ton of shit ideas and behaviors that were not previously prevalent. It changed RP, too, along many of those same lines.

When your hobby is considered objectionably weird by people within the fandoms you love and RP in and that makes you a sort of lowest-tier fan, the viewpoint of RP to RPers becomes something lesser than a valid hobby. When RPers are the same people who engage with Fandom monetarily, anything not monetized is passively consumable content, including RP. And RPers are trying to both deflect shame and struggling with wider society's mixed messages, that now hit them everywhere online as well. Shit like, "you don't have to monetize your hobby, it's okay to just make really good cross stitches of memes for yourself" and "if you're not paying me, you have no control over me."

We seriously do not view RP as a proper hobby anymore, that's why. There are many factors to that, those are just few, but that's the ultimate answer. It's not seen that way because it's not valued in the same way.

I think much of the problem with muns losing their entire shit over anyone else approaching the hobby differently, dare I say...more seriously, is related to a lot of complex psychology about self-esteem, control, and anxiety. So many people here struggle with serious self-worth and confidence issues, and I think to many of them, whether they realize it or not, when they see serious RPers, they feel like that's an inherent judgment and a danger to their own enjoyment. Because RP, as writing, is a skilled hobby - the more you practice it, the more skilled you become with it. Meaning that someone who approaches the writing seriously is going to be at a higher skill level.

Enter the way we're training to think about writing again - when they see someone who is very practiced, skilled, and confident with their writing, the learned idea is that they're somehow superior in a nasty, personal way.

I most certainly do not think that makes it alright, it isn't, and I'm not very tolerant of it.

It's absolutely alright to engage with RP in any way you see fit. If that's extremely casual, it's a minor hobby for you, that's great! I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, and I mean that in no facetious way. But not when that is the only form of it respected and accepted. It's just as alright to have RP as your primary, serious hobby!

The only way we can all enjoy a hobby with such great variance within it is by respecting each other's variables, not by vilifying them. It's recognizing that, no matter how much you enjoy the mun and/or muse, they're not engaging with the hobby in the way you are, it's not a good fit to write together. (Please, begging y'all to be friends with those who are different, not enemies, shit's sake. You've not got to write together to be friends!) Instead of labeling them and being hateful. Different =/= a threat.

And, to go off a bit lol y'all demonizing serious RPers really don't get that there are some intense tones of ableism and more going on in that narrative of yours, huh?

Not that anyone requires a reason to be serious about any hobby, but when people pick a hobby like RP as their primary one...you should probably have the maturity to consider why that is. Could it be that they focus on a hobby they can do from their homes and that requires low physical involvement, and has a degree of separation from direct socializing, for a reason?

Serious RPers tend to be limited in their ability to pursue other hobbies. Mental and physical health, region, finances, and ability to spend time outside of the home are all very common limits for those who "take RP too seriously/are addicted to RP."

Maybe take five seconds away from your own issues to consider that the person you're shitting on for something so minor as a difference of importance of a hobby might be the full-time caretaker of a special needs child, having to remain home and on a very small income. They might be chronically ill or suffer from agoraphobia. They might live in an area with no hobbies of interest, affordability, or at all...or they might live somewhere that is incredibly dangerous for them.

I honestly do not know where these people have been that they've been aggressed at by serious RPers, but that's usually the excuse. (I'm not saying it has never happened or does not happen, before anyone goes there.) The idea that serious RPers are extreme elitists who are demanding that other muns do what they do, how they do it. That they expect other muns to be online and RPing all the time, that they be "available for entertainment at all times" at the cost of real-life matters. Having the expectation that threads not be dropped constantly or that a writing partner not leave for months with no contact is neither of those things.

In over two decades of RPing across almost every platform type that has existed, I have literally never seen that be either a singular RPer-type problem or one that serious RPers are even more likely to deal in. I've seen the opposite, actually. Which is not a condemnation or a statement that all casual RPers do this, just what my experience has been. And one that actually stands to reason based on the way they view and engage with RP - quick replies, quick entertainment, and very low commitment to threads, muses, or other muns. Of course, it's annoying to them when a more serious RPer is unwilling to do rapid-fire style quick, short threads from an ask with them, but is writing the lengthy replies they already owed instead.

That's probably a factor as well, in here among a plethora of misunderstanding/unawareness of differences - for many serious RPers, it's not easier and more fun to write short, quick threads. So, what a casual RPer is seeing is that they're willing to put all this extraordinary effort into a massive reply to someone else while their easy, fun, quickly done thread is waiting in line.

Misunderstandings and unawareness breed hostility, period. And there is a hell of a lot of those things in the RPC.

What serious RPers are expressing are either boundaries/expectations or frustration. Not a demand that you be around all the time, but an expectation that you leave them alone if you're not also a serious RPer who will be committed to threads and muses. Not hostility and elitism, the frustration that it's already difficult to find muns who will work out before you add in the majority rule of casual RPers.

It's incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and honestly, a bit anxiety-inducing to constantly be the weird one, always have few choices, and to be at risk of being Problematic purely because you take the hobby seriously. You can't vent without someone jumping on your ass to remind you (even if you said numerous times that "real life comes first" and "people can do what they want") that omg, people have lives, people can do what makes them happy, it's just RP.

It's so upsetting when you think you might have found a good writing partner, then, you see a PSA they've reblogged about how it's a "hobby, not a jobby," and "no one owes anyone anything, ever." Excuse me, as that last one is a direct quote, let me redo it so it is verbatim: "no one owes anyone here anything - EVER !!!"

I said I wasn't very tolerant :)

But seriously, exactly what you've expressed is why I'm not...it's another form of controlling others instead of trying your best to control your own experience, and it's often extremely hateful. I'm not tolerant of anything like that, it's no longer supporting preferences at that point. When your preference is the only one that will be tolerated in the community, it's not a preference anymore.

It's something that makes others feel isolated, afraid of harassment, and depressed. It is a hobby and it isn't supposed to make you feel like that!

And, no, absolutely the fuck not lol the "answer" to this isn't that you're taking it too seriously and need to take a break. I'm so tired of seeing that shit tacked onto RPH responses and vents and PSAs. You're not saying that RP is making you feel this way, "just take a break and come back when you agree with everyone else" isn't a solution.

Of course, if you do feel like your time here has become so upsetting? Yeah, obviously, you should try to find some other things to supplement your downtime that make you feel happier again. Engage in some other forms of writing just meant for yourself, or that can be published as fics. Spend some more time on a game you enjoy for a while, or get invested in a new one. Learn to shape bonsai or make no-knead rolls. Whatever would make you happy as a hobby when you're not here.

Other than that, however, well...we're not going to be implying on this blog that you're too serious and need to take a hiatus until you have no emotional investment in your hobby. That's insane. I'd not say it about hiking, martial arts, dog obedience competitions, hobby farming, or painting either.

I wish I could think of some solutions as to where you could look that wasn't like this, but it's definitely the majority of the RPC. It doesn't help that, due to this, serious RPers have a tendency to quietly stick together and not venture out into the RPC. They're just not incredibly easy to find.

I will say that they tend to be:

novella - if you're not here for serious RP and sticking around for a while, you're not going to invest the time and energy into particularly lengthy writing

older RPers - I would say that twenty-five is probably the youngest, with early thirties to late forties being the majority

in fandoms with a large adult base of fans - even if it's a franchise friendly to, or even meant for, younger fans, if it has a particularly active adult fanbase, it's a better chance of finding serious RPers in it

as above, old fandoms - fandoms that have been around for a long time tend to have more serious RPers in them

fandomless OCs - tend to have a higher chance of being written by serious RPers than canons or heavily fandom-involved OCs

RPers who do not do a ton of advertising for their muse(s), but when they do, they don't advertise them based on activism points or trends

slightly more likely to not have an emphasis on highly aesthetic blogs, graphics, icons etc. - they use a modified basic tumblr theme, low on graphics, their aesthetics are not on-trend, for example

anti-content policing/"write what you want" style muns

muns with more extensive rules pages - they plan to be here for a while, they take writing, RP, and their muse(s) seriously, so, it's a bit more important to them to head off problems before they start

those with older characters/FCs - be that literally in age or the character being one that has existed for a long time

"stay in your lane" style muns - if they're opining on fandom or the RPC, they must really be angry about something

those with numerous and detailed headcanons - for example, their response to a HC meme ask like, "what's your muse's favorite ice cream flavor?" is going to be treated seriously, not simply answered with "mint chocolate chip because my bby is gross"

As usual, not a complete or perfect list. I don't fit some of the things on there! It could give you some things to look for when trying to find other serious RPers, though. It's based on observances from someone who was never a casual RPer, even as a minor (me, obviously), and maybe it could at least keep you from continuously running into hostility about your approach to RP.

I've honestly considered making a list of some sort expressly for RPers who are on the more serious end of the spectrum, but...in a RPC back when things were dominated by serious RPers, I did that sort of thing with a RPH I had, and it still got labeled as being a list for and by Elitists. I don't know that anyone would want to put themselves out there for potential harassment on tumblr, you know? It was a joke then, just having a group of RPers label you as an Elitist. Here, you get told to kill yourself, and none of us need more of that shit, right?

Try to hang in there, Anon, I know it's upsetting, and I'm so sorry that something fun has gotten to be like this.

Try to understand that these people are coming from a place of irrational defensiveness, often in response to bullying themselves at some point or feeling bad about themselves. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it easier to not take to heart.

And keep at it! In my experience here, once you find a group of people you fit into, it really is...A Group. Especially among RPers who are ostracized, they stick together, they promote each other, and they're very happy for their mutuals to become your mutuals. Once you find them, it unlocks so many opportunities for the interactions and type of RP you've been missing!

#answered #anonymous #serious rpers #rp problems #rp advice

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keldae · 3 years

Text

Fictober 2021 -- Day 20

The bright light suddenly blazing into existence made Korin squint. Squirming in the binder cuffs, he shifted his weight on the hard duraplast chair and tried to get his vision to focus on the room around him -- a task made more difficult by the after-image of a lightbulb burned into his retinas. He was pretty sure there were a couple of other humanoid forms in the room with him, though -- conveniently hidden behind the light, where he couldn’t see them clearly. Wonderful.

“Korin Taerich,” said a male voice, sudden enough to make Korin start in his chair. “Smuggler, con artist, and freighter captain, known as the Voidhound.”

“That’s what I’m known for,” Korin acknowledged, frustrated that he couldn’t see which humanoid belonged to the voice he was hearing. “You got a fan club here or somethin’? There's easier ways to ask me for autographs.”

The voice ignored him and went on, as though reading off a list. “With quite an extensive -- and impressive -- rap sheet. What do we have here… petty theft?”

“There might be a bit of that I’ve been accused of,” Korin carefully said.

“Arson? Mischief?”

“Mischief is my middle name, buddy.”

“Your middle name is Serral, captain.” The voice ignored Korin’s indignant sputter and went on. “What else do we have here… smuggling, of course… over a dozen Coruscant traffic violations, not to mention the tickets you’ve accumulated offworld…”

These guys have to be SIS, Korin realized as he scowled in the direction of the lightbulb. “What, you the Coruscant traffic authority? Don’t you have better things to do?”

“... Grand theft over ten thousand credits… forgery of official documents… assault…” The voice paused. “... Impersonating a member of the Jedi Order?”

“Listen, if any Jedi are snippy about that,” Korin began, finally feeling a bit of apprehension, “it was one time and I--”

“Impersonating a Republic Senator?”

“It was a dare! And a funny one at that!”

“Impersonating a Sith Lord?”

“... So it turns out, you can literally get away with murder and every other blasted crime on Imperial worlds,” Korin muttered. “Also, it was just really funny to get away with it.”

“... Impersonating a Republic military officer?”

“Hey, I never--!” Korin paused. “... Okay, I might’ve done that one. Once.”

The voice snorted, the first sign of amusement -- or really, any emotion -- since the light had turned on and this interrogation had gotten started. “Do you have anything to say for yourself, Captain Taerich?”

Korin turned his head, trying to get a clear view of whoever else was in the cell with him. “Dunno where you get your information from,” he began, drawing himself up, determined to go out with a smirk and an attitude of bravado, “but even if I did all that shit, I regret nothing. You hear me? Nothing! And nothing you can pin on me, either!”

“Who said we want to pin any of this on you? Most of the incidents that I just read off, at least one of our assets witnessed and testified to.” The voice seemed to have a smirk in it now. Behind the light, a shadow moved, becoming marginally more clear to Korin’s vision. “We have other interests in mind, Captain.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” Korin demanded, squinting at the shadow that presumably belonged to the voice.

"A group that is very interested in your skill set. It takes a special type of person to even attempt half of what you've pulled off, much less get away with it. We find that very interesting. Add in your impressive reputation and your Force sensitivity…"

"... How the blazes…?!" Korin went tense. The fact that he was Force sensitive was a closely guarded secret, known to maybe half a dozen people in the galaxy. Half the reason he'd survived pretending to be a Sith for a few minutes had been his connection to the Force!

"Work with us, and you might discover how we learned that bit of information. You're certainly smart enough to figure it out." The voice's owner finally came around to where Korin could see him -- human, older, with dark eyes and a smirk. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar. "Marcus Trant, Republic SIS. I'd like to offer you a job."

#fictober21 #SWTOR #Korin #and his impressive criminal record #that may or may not have gotten him recruited into the SIS #Marcus is dying laughing on the inside #since he KNOWS Reanden #and KNOWS Korin is more like his dad than he'll ever admit #unconventional job interviews

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nicetomeetniall · 4 years

Text

Several times I missed you-HS

Masterlist

Summary:

Harry is not doing so well with the breakup.

Word Count: 1,941

Warnings: A little bit sad.

I missed you when we began to drift before it was over. You had always kept me up too late, rambling on about things I only cared about since they involved you. We always climed into bed and stayed up for maybe an hour longer, you talking and me listening. Our eyes would be closed and the lights off. Anyone would have thought we were fast asleep unless they heard you talking. Sometimes the stories were about coworkers or whatever book you were currently reading. You talked about the characters as if they were real and you knew them. I never realized how much I loved that. Other times it was less interesting topics like reality tv. I’d tune in out just enough to feel myself drift to sleep and then you’d pull me back in.

“Harry, are you listening to me?” You’d ask and turn around as best as you could given my arms around your stomach and your back to my chest.

“Yes, baby. You’re talking about Love Island.” I would usually respond and nestle my chin further into your shoulder after I placed a few kisses against it.

The night we stopped having these talks, I missed it. It was sudden. There was no gradual shortening of the conversations. One night we had them and the next we didn’t. Instead, you were silent after we exchanged our goodnights. We were so distant and I hadn’t even noticed until our bed conversations seemed more intimate than anything else we did.

I missed you again when I went home to my mothers after the breakup. You had urged me to be the one who stayed at our apartment until other living arrangements were made. You offered to be the one to leave and stay with a friend but I refused. It didn’t feel right. It seemed like it was now more your space than mine, anyway. I was away so much. You were the one who held it down and called when something broke. It was yours. Just hours after we had cried in eachothers arms, not wanting to seperate but knowing it was best I was on my mom’s porch. I had a backpack filled with just a few days worth of clothes because I hoped that was all I would need. There was hope that we’d figure out a way to make it work and we’d be back to normal. I cried most of the drive to my moms and I shouted just a little bit of it. I was so stupid. For the past few years it was you who stood next to my side as we waited for my mom to answer the door. It always took her forever and we’d laugh about it. She always hugged and kissed you first. I always pretended to be offended when she greeted you before me. I missed that more than ever when she opened the door and her face dropped. She only had me to greet this time. She didn’t have to ask questions to know that we had ended. I wished she would have. Maybe we wouldn’t seem so far away if she asked me about what you were doing at work or how your parents were.

And then the inevitable came too quickly. You called me just four days after everything went down. Unlike the last time we spoke, your words weren't in between sobs. I hoped that you were telling me to come back home. You weren’t.

“I’ve got most of my things out.” You said, not even saying ‘hello’ first. “The furniture is all still there.”

“No, it’s yours. It’s all yours. I’m not coming back there.” I said as I quickly sat down on the couch. My legs went weak and my heartbeat quickened.

“Some of your things are here, ba-Harry. You should come get them. Some of them are important.”

I wanted to fight it and tell you it didn’t matter. You could donate anything. Sell it. I didn’t care. None of it was important.

“I’ll come by tomorrow. Will you be there?” I asked.

“Yeah, I should be.”

The following morning I made the drive to where we based our lives. The front door was unlocked, letting me know you were right inside. I hated when you left the door unlocked. You had a habit of doing it. I was always getting out of bed to make sure it was locked and although it was sometimes annoying; it wasn’t as bad as turning over in bed and not seeing you there.

As soon as I opened the door I saw you. Your head turned so you could meet my eyes. I wasn’t looking at first. Instead I saw how you were sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Our photo albums were in front of you and there was a stack of photos at your side.

“Just pictures of my family and stuff.” You said and quickly stood up. “I’m not messing with...ours.”

You had changed so much already. It was your presence. You looked the same, talked the same, but you didn’t act the same. I wondered if I had already changed, too.

You were much more cautious as you walked over towards me. I expected you to walk past me and towards the hallway so you could give me space. I didn’t expect your arms around me and your face to my chest. I could barely hug you back before you pulled away, keeping your hands on my arms.

“Are you okay?” You asked, your eyebrows furrowed and your lips turned down.

i wasn’t sure of the right thing to say. Saying yes could make you think I was unbothered and saying no could make you feel bad. When my mouth opened but no words came out, you understood.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to say anything.” You gave me a faint smile before you let go of my arms, making them feel heavy.

We spent a few hours in the apartment moving past each other as we gathered our things. You had already gotten most of your things, but there were pictures on the walls, kitchen things, and bathroom supplies you had purchased that still needed rounded up. I barely got anything done at all.

In all those hours I had boxed only two boxes of clothes. I wasn’t sure where the time had gone. I was paying attention to the music playing from your phone and the sounds of you walking around the space. As I was folding up a shirt, you came into the room.

“Everything of mine is good to go.” You said, looking down as you leaned against the doorframe. “I left the rest of the photos. I wasn’t sure what we should do with them.”

“You don’t want any?” I asked, not meaning to sound as harsh as I did. “I mean, not even from our trips? Memories, you know?”

You pursed your lips to the side and I could tell you felt bad.

“Well, I have them all on my phone and backed up.” You said, finally looking up to meet my eyes. Things were silent for a few moments before I spoke again.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I’ll do something with them.” I assured with a nod to try to convince myself that I was okay.

YOu stood in the doorway for too long. It was awkward and painful, but I didn’t mind too much. At least you were still around.

“It’s not our fault. You know that, right?” You asked, taking my attention from the t-shirt in my hands I had folded several times.

I thought it was our fault. How could we let something as special as this end?

“I don’t know.” I said, finally tossing the shirt into the box in front of my feet, not caring that it came unfolded. “It’s four years that have just been thrown away.”

You furrowed your eyebrows and opened your mouth as if to argue what I said, but then your face softened.

“I think you’re too important to just throw away, Harry. I won’t be throwing us away. Keep in touch, would you?”

I missed us.

People always talked about how it could be hard to get to sleep on your own after being with someone. I never believed it until a week after I last spoke to you. At first it was easy to sleep. I could nap for a few hours and forget about what you may be doing. It was an easy way to escape. After a while, I was up until the morning came. I tried keeping the TV and the fan on. None of it worked.

There was nothing that could replace the feeling the blankets being pulled from around me or your leg against mine. I tried to turn the TV on as high as I could without bothering my new roommate in an effort to replace what should be the sound of your breathing.

I didn’t get much sleep.

Once things had begun to really sink in, I tried to make you out to be a bad person. It would be easier if I could be angry. If I could pick out my least favorite things about us and magnify them, maybe I could find peace. I really tried.

I thought back to all the times I was picking your shoes up from in front of the doorway. You were always taking your shoes off as soon as you opened the front door. I remembered how frustrating it was when you forgot to turn the bathroom light off in the middle of the night.

Those things weren’t huge deals at all. Is stepping over a pair of shoes in the morning that big of a deal? No. I didn’t care most days.

Neither of us did any wrong.

After several of my friends suggested going out, I did. She was a former coworker and we went out for lunch. It felt wrong. The entire time she was talking I had to remind myself to think of her in ways other than strictly friendly. As sweet as she was, she wasn’t you. Lunch ended with me thanking her for her time. It was a terrible date.

Two months passed before we talked. I could have reached out first, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to disrespect you or your boundaries. Looking back, I’m sure you probably felt the same way. I still admire the courage you had to do what you felt was necessary.

We talked on the phone for a while. You were telling those stories you used to tell when we were in bed. I’m sure that if I had closed my eyes and cuddled up in bed, I would feel exactly like I had on one of those nights we had.

“I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable.” You started. I could feel your anxiety through the phone an quickly remembered that we were no longer the same as before.

“I just want you to know that I’m still the most comfortable with you. This phone call, us talking, hearing your breathing. Although we’re different, I care about you just as much as I did before.” You finished.

I didn’t have much to say. I agreed and told you that I was always available for you in whatever way you needed. You told me the same. As afraid as I was, as heartbroken, as sure I was that you were the only person for me, I found comfort knowing you would always be around. Soulmates aren’t always romantic.

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