#it feels just as hopeless and stressful as it was during the covid pandemic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wormeats · 2 months

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I fell for propaganda and was turned against those I have always wanted to root for

I wanted to send this to the CDC somehow, but the email contact form on their website has a character limit and I'm incapable of being concise. I thought this might be helpful for some people to see because it took me a while to reflect on.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, living in Florida, being young and trans and traumatized by the current political climate and dangers posed by the pandemic, I was swayed by likely a mix of propaganda and a fear and anger response to the amount of stress that time came with. I found myself trusting in the CDC less because of several things that I never fully examined until now recently. It was all just a mix of fear and hopeless rage about public health and my fears about our political climate, and much of that was directed at the CDC. Upon examining this recently, I think this was because I assumed the CDC had more power than it may actually have in enforcing public health. I thought isolation periods could be more solidly mandated, that mask wearing could be solidly mandated, and so on. I assumed the CDC had more control over when schools reopened for children (I now realize a lot of this is controlled by states individually or even more locally), and in my fear of the pandemic and distrust in the CDC sowed by being worried about the country as a whole, I even failed to fully weigh the consideration that virtual learning has a significant impact on Anyone’s mental health and that for children especially, social and emotional development should be fostered and that is an issue that gravely concerns mental health extending to the rest of their lives. I thought the CDC could require employers to keep allowing employees to have sick days when testing positive, so they wouldn't have to make a choice between risking their job and livelihood versus strangers’ physical health and possibly risking permanent damage or death for some with no way to tell (I'm grateful that the risk has been reduced so much by vaccines/boosters and being cautious with masking and washing hands, but I feel it is so important to allow isolation away from work when it concerns transmission and health and recovery). I particularly was swayed more into distrust when I heard that Delta airlines wrote a letter asking the CDC to update isolation periods for vaccinated individuals who would still be required to mask, believing there was no new data to give confidence to such a change in recommendations (10 day isolation period to 5 day isolation and next 5 days with a mask), but found there explicitly was reasoning given on the CDC update from that time available to view on the website’s archives (these have been very helpful because the time of all of this was an emotional traumatizing blur, so specifics are hard to remember). Before I examined this all more after the fact, this led me to believe that the CDC was influenced by economic concerns and the workforce instead of public health and keeping those workers alive and healthy, and furthered my distrust.

I am glad that now I have further examined where this distrust has come from and found that it was irrational on my part, and I regret that I carried on with this tainted view of the CDC for so long. I have struggled with this because I did have a strong trust in the CDC and felt more unsure of where I should find reliable information, knowing the CDC certainly has more expertise than I and has likely devoted a lot of time and research to any particular consideration I might come up with. I hope if others were similarly swayed by political propaganda that sought to utilize fear and stress from the pandemic, that they too come to reexamine how they came to think that way and find trust in this institution of scientists who are clearly passionate about public health and finding ways to keep all of us safe with many unpredictable variables to consider. I feel very ashamed that I allowed my trust in the CDC to be shaken to this extent. I hope scientific research, public health concerns, environmental concerns, and any crisis that requires humanity to understand facts and cooperate is taken more seriously and listened to from experts in each respective field and not turned into political opinions one way or the other. I am so devastated by all the damage COVID has done that feels like it could've been so preventable if this didn't become a political issue and remained a public health crisis to work through cooperatively. I have now come to see that I think the CDC did as much as it could through all of this with all of the consideration at the time and with its limited influence amidst political stress.

Thank you everyone at the CDC, I am sorry that I fell for this propaganda, and I would like to talk to as many people in my life about addressing propaganda and fully considering that no one is fully safe from falling prey to propaganda and biases we don't realize are tainting our full view. Thank you again so much for everything incredible that you have done for humanity. Be kind to yourselves everyone, shit has been so hard honestly.

#cdc #center for disease control and prevention #propaganda #covid #covid19 #covid-19 #covid 19 #coronavirus #public health #idk what to tag aaaaaa #also i was Pretty Sure from everything i was looking at and trying to find that the CDC didnt have as much power to set mandates and stuff #But in case i missed something and am wrong on anything i said here plsss let me know i would wanna look into that :o #bc i kept trying to dig further and find if the cdc did anything i actually disagreed with or thought was irresponsible #and i think most of it was just i thought they could do more Oop and the trump administration did not make shit easy

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hussanisoyat · 1 year

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As A Result Of Counselling The Number Of Suicides During Covid Has Decreased.

In the midst of a global pandemic, people are feeling more isolated and hopeless than ever before. This is why it’s so important to provide better access to mental health services and counselling for those in need. Recent studies have shown that due to increased access to counselling services during the pandemic, suicide rates have decreased significantly. In this blog article, we explore how counselling has helped reduce suicides during COVID-19, as well as tips on how you can get help if you need it.

The counselling program in Dubai

The counselling program in Dubai has seen a marked decrease in the number of suicides during the covid pandemic. The program provides free counselling services to residents of Dubai who are struggling with mental health issues. The program is staffed by trained counsellors who are available to provide support and guidance to those in need. The program has been successful in helping many residents of Dubai cope with the stress and anxiety associated with the pandemic.

How it has helped

It is well known that the Covid-19 pandemic has increased levels of anxiety and depression in people all over the world. In fact, the World Health Organization has classified depression as a "global health priority." But what is less well known is that counselling can help reduce these feelings of anxiety and depression.

A recent study published in The Lancet found that counselling can indeed help reduce the risk of suicide during times of crisis like the Covid-19 pandemic. The study looked at data from over 14,000 adults in Europe and found that those who received counselling were 33% less likely to attempt suicide than those who did not receive counselling.

The researchers concluded that counselling "should be considered as a key intervention" for reducing suicide risk during times of crisis. So if you or someone you know is feeling anxious or depressed, don't hesitate to seek out counselling. It could save a life.

What it offers

As a result of counselling, the number of suicides during covid has decreased. However, the number of attempts has increased. This is likely due to the fact that people are feeling more isolated and hopeless during this time. Counselling can provide hope and support to those who are struggling. It can also help them to develop coping skills and find ways to connect with others.

How to get involved

If you, or someone you know, is struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are many ways to get involved and get help. Here are a few organizations that can provide support:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, as well as prevention and crisis resources for loved ones. You can call 1-800-273-8255 to speak with a trained counsellor.

The Crisis Text Line offers free, 24/7 support via text message. Just text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counsellor.

The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25. You can reach them at 1-866-488-7386 or via their website.

The different types of counselling in Dubai schools

The different types of counselling in Dubai schools:

1. School counsellors help students with academic planning and provide guidance on choosing the right courses.

2. College and university counselling centers offer guidance on choosing majors and careers.

3. Licensed professional counsellors provide therapy to individuals, couples, families, and groups.

4. Community counselling services are available for those who need help but cannot afford private therapy.

5. Online counselling services are available for those who prefer to receive counselling remotely.

How to know if you need counselling

If you or someone you know is exhibiting any of the following signs, it may be time to seek counselling:

1. Feeling hopeless or helpless

2. Increased anxiety or panic attacks

3. Withdrawing from friends and activities

4. Sleeping too much or too little

5. Abuse of alcohol or drugs

6. Sudden weight loss or gain

7. Reckless behavior

Career Counselling in Dubai to students

The UAE has seen a decrease in suicides since instituting career counselling in Dubai for students. The country's suicide rate had been on the rise in recent years, but it began to decline after the introduction of counselling services in schools.

Counsellors help students to explore their career options and make informed decisions about their future. They provide guidance and support on issues such as choosing a major, preparing for exams, and finding a job after graduation.

The career counselling in Dubai services have been successful in reducing the number of suicides among students. In addition to providing support and guidance, counsellors also offer crisis intervention and referrals to mental health resources.

Conclusion

The results of counselling and support during the Covid pandemic have been invaluable in reducing suicide rates. Counselling has provided people with an opportunity to talk through their problems, while also providing valuable coping strategies that can be used to help minimize suicidal thoughts and behaviors. It is encouraging to see how mental health professionals are using their expertise and knowledge to make a real difference in people's lives during these challenging times. We must continue supporting those who are struggling with mental health issues so that they do not feel alone or without hope.

#university counselling in dubai #career counselling in dubai #university acceptance

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tallmantall · 2 years

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#JamesDonaldson On #MentalHealth - Talking About #MentalHealth Is Tough But It’s Necessary | Opinion

Yolanda Jenkins and Jennifer Smolowitz Thank you for taking a moment to stop and read this piece. These days, the topic of #mentalhealth is at the forefront of many discussions in #school, at home, in the community— essentially in every space we interact. Please know that however you are feeling — whatever you are feeling — help and resources are here. For #adult crisis intervention resources, please reach out to the Department of Health and Social Services at 1-800-652-2929 in New Castle County or 1-800-345-6785 in Southern Delaware. If your #child or a #child you care about needs crisis intervention services, call Delaware’s 24/7 #Youth Crisis Support (Mobile Response and Stabilization Services) at 1-800-969-HELP (4357). #Children and #adults can also text the Crisis Text Line by texting DE to 741741. You are not alone. We are compelled to write this piece to shed light on a necessary, but tough dialogue about #mentalhealth and #suicide. Recently, there have been high-profile suicides in the news, including former #MissU.S.A. #CheslieKryst and Ian Alexander Jr., award-winning actress Regina King’s son. For many of us, the #COVID #pandemic has exacerbated already existing #mentalhealthchallenges and put undeniable #stress on families. Many people, regardless of age, are coping with feelings of loss and #isolation. Some are facing daily challenges at work and at #school. Some may be struggling to meet their basic needs. Our #youth often have fewer emotional resources or healthy strategies to manage distress. It can also be frightening to see stories on the news of people taking their own life, and even more impactful when this happens close to home. A recent U.S. Surgeon General report on #youth #mentalhealth shared some staggering statistics. A survey of 80,000 #youth across the globe found that symptoms of #depression and #anxiety doubled during the #pandemic, with 1 in 4 #youth experiencing depressive symptoms and 1 in 5 #youth experiencing #anxiety symptoms. We know that one life lost to #suicide is one too many. But we can change the narrative. The Division of Prevention and #BehavioralHealthServices in partnership with stakeholders like the #MentalHealthAssociation in Delaware deliver #suicideprevention training to professionals in #child-serving organizations like #schools or community centers. These programs, such as Signs of #Suicide and Lifelines, educate #adults on how to talk to #youth about these tough topics and how they then can empower #youth to learn the signs of risk and how #youth can reach out to a trusted #adult for help. A trusted #adult could be a #parent, aunt or uncle, coach, or #teacher. Some signs a #youth is struggling include feelings of helplessness or #hopelessness, changes in personality or loss of interest in once-enjoyed hobbies, and troubling statements or threats that they “won’t be around much longer.” By knowing the signs, we can provide a lifeline to someone in need. Just as important is checking on our loved ones who have the appearance that everything is OK. The death of #CheslieKryst was so shocking because to others she looked like the picture-perfect young professional — someone who seemed happy and successful, someone to look up to. We now know that the Instagram-perfect moments and the quippy #Twitter banter did not tell the whole story. There was much more under the surface. With the increased #isolation and decreased social activity that came with #COVID-19, it is even more important to authentically connect with one another, to reach out to those we care about and to allow ourselves to reach out for help when things feel unmanageable. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleOrder your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy http://www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com We encourage you to check on your loved ones, your neighbors, your coworkers. Call, text, send a video message or schedule a virtual visit. Sit down with your kid and listen. Really listen. Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, the uplifting ones and the ones that bring us down. They weigh less when they are shared. Encourage children to talk to a trusted adult. We can work to prevent tragedy when we start the conversation and change the narrative, together. For #suicideprevention resources and more, visit de.gov/youthsuicideprevention Yolanda Jenkins is the Manager of Provider Services for the Delaware Division of Prevention and #BehavioralHealthServices. Jennifer Smolowitz is the Director of #SuicidePrevention with the #MentalHealth Association in Delaware. Read the full article

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kyotakumrau · 4 years

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2020.08.10 AERAdot. Kaoru interview

A confession from the guitarist of the heavy rock band DIR EN GREY: 'there's no meaning to a band if we can't play concerts'

Interview and text=AERAdot. Sakuda Hiroshi (作田裕史)

Original text can be seen here

translation=kyotaku (pls let me know if you see any mistakes or typos m(*_ _)m)

Right now, the world of rock is suffering from a huge quake of an unprecedented scale. After there was a cluster infection in a live house in Osaka in February most of the rock bands lost the place where they can play gigs. Yet, there must be some people who are saved by music while we live in this world entrapped in the hopelessness due to the pandemic. So in what way is this musician trying to overcome the situation like this? Kaoru from the Japan's top heavy rock band DIR EN GREY told us about it in this interview.

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――DIR EN GREY's live activities are being hugely affected by the pandemic. Your domestic tour planned for March-April and your two-day show in Pia Arena MM on July 23rd and 24th were all cancelled. What was your reaction to those decisions?

薫　Starting with the tour, before the state of emergency was declared we didn't know what kinds of measures will be required to hold an event and what would be bad. While it was still not precise what safety measures will be needed, we couldn't keep postponing it again and again so we decided to cancel the tour. For the shows in Pia Arena we were looking for a way to hold them until the very last minute. We did various simulations, if we changed the arena standing to seated, how many people could we fit if we kept [required] space between seats and so on. But we understood that we could not express what we wanted as a band, for example having the required ventilation for the venue, if we used smoke during the performance it would all go into one certain area. We also knew that there must be many fans who wanted to come but couldn't. And for the shows of the 'arena' scale, we decided that we shouldn't just cling to 'wanting to do it' feeling when we cannot create the right environment, so very regrettably we gave up.

――On your OHP you posted "we must say that music is expression, and that it is not possible for the band to bring you the best performance while following the preventive measure guidelines announced by the government. This is the reason behind the decision of cancel the shows." What is this essential for DIR EN GREY expression according to you?

薫　Speaking in extremes, as long as you can get the sound out you can perform songs. Yet, our shows are not the type where we stir up the audience with MCs to get them moshing and crowdsurfing. There's lighting, videos, sounds and production, and the 'picture' of the band members standing there, all those pieces create our performance. Having fans paying [for tickets] and coming to see us, I don't think it can be called 'an expression' if we can't accomplish the performance we want to show.

――What's your opinion on the safety guidelines published by the authorities and employers' organization? There are requests to have a meter between audience members on both sides and back and front, to forbid the audience make any loud noise and so on. It was also once discussed to have the performer (artist) wear a face shield.

薫　It would be absolutely impossible if artists had to wear face shields or vocalists couldn't shout. It would be like denying the band-ness. It's hard to even imagine a band member playing live wearing a face shield (laughing). It might be possible to have the audience stay quiet, but for many people, the reason they come to the rock concerts is to relieve stress of daily life or to escape the reality. So we could ask if the concert where fans can't sing together nor shout can really be called a rock concert.

However I don't think that 'pre-corona' rock concerts will come back. Especially the standing venues where fans are all squeezed together and things get very heated, that might be difficult even after the pandemic is over. Once the fear of the coronavirus has taken root, the number of people not willing to enter that space will increase. When that happens the style when fans get all squeezed and rough and drenched having fun together - it won't be possible anymore. I think we have to prepare for that.

――If the way concerts are held after the pandemic changes, will DIR EN GREY's expression change as well?

薫　That will not change. In our case, we create the worldview with our performance and have the audience step in and get excited, this style is a bit different to a simply rough and energetic show. As creating the worldview that can be also used at the seated shows is our 'expression', there's no need to change that. So without changing the expression, it will be about changing how we prepare the venues, especially when playing in the 'live houses' (all standing venues). For example,

we have to find a way to hand a huge curtain between the stage and the audience, how to organize the audience into blocks to avoid big crowds or how to organize a show in the standing venue.

――After all rock is about the freedom that is born when one gets out of the 'norm' or 'accepted practices' of the society, and fans are also attracted to such attitude of the band. So when the govt says 'don't play shows' as a preventive measure against COVID-19, don't you feel frustrated as a musician?

薫　Instead of making the decision based on what the govt says, we do it thinking first about the fans who come to see us. When eveyone is wary of people around them, being worried about getting infected and not being able to focus on the performance, in the circumstances like that we also can't perform well and fans also can't enjoy it. So we decided there's no point in this situation.

After all the govt will not tell the rock bands to from now on 'start playing shows gradually', right? If possible what they truly would like to say is 'just stop performing', so the only thing we can do is to decide ourselves 'this is possible' at some point and restart shows. There are some bands performing while following the guidelines. They are criticized a lot by the society, but personally I support them. There's no other way but for the bands like that to gradually increase and move forward, even just one step at the time, while piling up the actual results.That's why I hope the bands that perform now can do their best and for DIR EN GREY as well to start performing as soon it's 'possible'. The situation when we can't perform, speaking in extremes, it's like our band ceased to exist. I think that [playing on] the stage is the place of 'expression', so if that is gone there's no point of making music. And that's why we do trials and errors wanting to restart playing concerts in a fully satisfactory way.

――Kaoru, from March you started a YouTube channel titled 'The Freedom of Expression', you discuss there current topics. If we start counting from the time you did the radio program, you're continuing this project for 5 years, what made you decide to start?

薫　By no means I know a lot about politics or economy, but as a musician ('band man'), as a performer, I can switch my own point of view and share the comments on what's society focused on right now. How is it reflected in the society, how the information is relayed, will karma be served? The start was me being interested in many things like that. But with things you don't know even if you try to pretend to know it won't work. We got a good balance with the radio DJ Joe Yokomizo and Tasai from Tokyo Sports who are on the show together with me. By having those two, I can say how I see things from where I stand and I can also learn listening to different opinions.

――Before there was a tendency for musicians to not talk about things other than music. Because fans were interested in the music and other topics were uncalled for. There was even a discussion once 'don't bring politics into music'. How do you feel about that?

薫　Isn't it fine to not get hung up on the idea what musicians should be like? I understand that fans want to see someone simply as an artist, but that artist is just another human being, they have their own opinions. Fans are free not to listen to their opinions or to only check their work. From the start rock is about freedom, so there's no reason to be that obsessed about this. Does the musician own what they say or not? I think only that is important.

And, in the end we are a rock band. Putting it bluntly, we cannot save the world. In the real emergency if there's someone who collapses music cannot save them directly. At such time musician is powerless. And that's why I really wish for the world where you can listen to music and enjoy it.

――In that sense we can say that pandemic is the real emergency. What is the meaning of rock music during COVID-19?

薫　That's really difficult.... For example, in the situation when you have to constantly brace yourself outside, when you get home and want to spend even just a few minutes with our music, that's one meaning of our existence. Another role might be the attitude of 'not giving up' in this situation. When the world has stopped, rock bands can also breathe new life in and lead people forward. It might be how the show is organized or how the song is relayed. In that sense, DIR EN GREY must keep moving forward. I don't want to give in to COVID-19.

#dir en grey #薫 #kaoru #interview #translation

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

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This isn't specifically abuse related so feel free to ignore (also no pressure to answer even if you read it, don't stress yourself!!)

Do you have any advice for coping with the whole Covid stuff? My country is doing really badly, the government literally said they'd rather "the bodies pile up in the thousands" than initiate a quarantine despite estimates saying we'll be at 100k new daily cases soon.

I just. We were so SO close to making it. People had their first vaccine shots. We could see the end of it nearing. And then the government decided to force people back to work, remove mask-wearing and allow large gatherings again before people were fully immunised.

I just don't know how to cope with it, it's looking like we're going to be watching the country die around us for another year or maybe more before it's over, purely coz of how the gvmt is handling it. And I don't know if I can do it again.

I'm really sorry your government is handling this so badly, nonnie. I can't imagine how distressing and traumatic it must be to have your government disregard your lives that blatantly 😔

I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I did talk about this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness during therapy a couple of times since the pandemic started, and one thing my therapist recommended was to try to find things I could control and focus on those instead of fixating on everything I don't have the power to fix. For example, it can help to try to focus on passing all your subjects, meeting all your deadlines, keeping a daily routine, enjoying your hobbies, or finishing a project.

There's a lot of terrible things going on right now we can't change, and although it's good to be informed, it can be really detrimental to spend most of your time thinking about those things, worrying, and waiting anxiously for the next piece of bad news. I've found it helps to have a designated time of the day to watch the news/keep up with the world events, and to spend the rest of my day doing things like watching videos, going for walks, and even just scrolling through Tumblr, taking into account I have tags such as #current events, #politics and #covid filtered out (that way I get to control when I click through to read about those topics, and when I only see the memes and light-hearted posts).

I really hope things change for the better, nonnie, but for now, please remember it's okay to limit the amount of time you spend thinking about everything going on you can't change.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

#ask #Covid #Covid tw

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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I was lookin' back to see if she was lookin' back...

Yesterday Alex, Mum and I celebrated...

It's been one year since Alex and I arrived at Mum's place in Ocean Shores, NSW Australia.

If you've read my earlier blogs in 2020, you'll know that we had a lot of trouble getting home. Between the government and airlines, at one point it looked like we'd never get here; we were stranded. I was living in constant worry, stress and hopelessness - in fact, we all were: Alex's family in Germany and Mum's family down under.

Our July 2020 flights were cancelled or rescheduled many times, and eventually we decided to buy new, more expensive flights, on another airline through an agency, which gave us some assurances we'd be on the flight. Our new flights booked and confirmed for early September.

We flew Frankfurt to Adelaide, which was not our original plan. Adelaide had no COVID, and the chance of getting on a flight and getting into the country was higher than say, Brisbane, or Sydney. We could quarantine in Adelaide for 2 weeks and then fly on to Brisbane, which is closer to Ocean Shores.

That was like.... so last year...

This area where we now live is known as the Northern Rivers of New South Wales, and when we arrived at Mum's there was no COVID in the area. We are only about 35 minutes south of the Queensland border, about 8 hours north of the big smoke, Sydney.

Now, a year on, COVID has arrived here.

It's been biting at the heals of tourists and essential workers travelling north since Sydney went into lockdown a couple of months ago.

It's not our idea of a good time.

Right now it's school holidays, which is meant to be 2 weeks of families holidaying in caravan parks and hotels, an essential part of this tourist attraction mecca. Byron Bay, Brunswick Heads, and surrounds are usually very popular places; so popular that most locals complain about how busy it gets here during the holidays. You just can't get a parking sport anywhere!

The Northern Rivers was locked down for about 6 weeks through August into September because cases from Sydney were getting into regional NSW. These regional areas affected by COVID weren't near here, but they made a blanket rule for everywhere outside of Sydney, just to be on the safe side.

Honestly, I don't blame them for the rule, regional outback Australia can't cope with COVID, there's few hospitals, beds, or COVID experience in the scrub and farm land.

Anyhow, I digress...

After those 6 weeks or so in lockdown, they lifted the restrictions here in the northern rivers (and other areas of NSW).

And now, after 2 weeks, lockdown is back on...

There are a couple of cases in the area. Snap lockdowns are the government's preferred method of containing outbreaks. Lockdown areas wherever cases pop up for a week or two (or longer) to limit exposure.

It reminds me constantly that life can change quickly at any time. I have decided I will not waste time once this current lockdown has ended (who knows when that will be). I will visit friends, family, and musicians who live close by. I want to see as many folks as quickly as possible, before another lockdown kicks in.

Besides the boring, never ending tale of COVID, there have been a few things happening this past year...

Alex has been working consistently in the real estate industry since her temporary visa kicked in late last year.

Her first job was a few more miles away than any of us locals would consider driving, and the position wasn't as enjoyable or rewarding as she had first hoped. She really dived in the deep end, and while she didn't drown, she probably needed a few swimming lessons before the attempt. It was a life lesson, one she took on board, and when a new job came up closer to home, she nailed the interview (as she always does), and hasn't looked back.

The 2nd job is less than half the distance away, strictly 9 to 5 and in a company which she enjoys. There's a strong company structure, good work ethic, and entertaining colleagues. Her supervisors, colleagues, and managers are all very supportive; I think she'll be sitting tight on this one for a while.

Alex has also found her creative side again, scrap book journalling, instant camera photography, and some kind of couples diary/journal/photo book too. It's become an almost nightly affair of focusing, creating, and having something to show for it fairly quickly. She's very proud of her work, and it's something she does just for herself. I don't expect you'll get a chance to see a photo of what she's done, and she likes it like that.

I had a bit of work late in 2020 and early 2021, nothing special really, but wait until the premier!! It's interesting to think that some day soon I'll be able to go to the cinema and see my ugly mug on the big screen (even if it will most likely be out of focus). I'll be on Netflix too.

Having the opportunity to be an extra on film and TV was a real boost for my confidence after being off stage for so long. I felt creative, met some great people, made some friends, and had a few bucks in my pocket. Happy days.

By jumping into an industry I hadn't been in before right after arriving here, it reminded me that Australia has a lot to offer. I found myself comparing Germany and Australia, and Australia often feels like it comes up short. This was a chance to prove to myself that there are adventures awaiting here down under.

So, I decided to go back to school.

The last time I was in a class room was in 1998!! I am studying a Diploma of Counselling, and am currently half way through my studies. I've found it very challenging, but have passed every assessment so far, and gained some handy skills too. I have a good connection with my teachers, and I really enjoy the company of my classmates; some of which I can even call friends.

I chose counselling for a few reasons, but the first step was really just a process of elimination. Besides being a freelance professional musician for several years in Germany, I had worked in offices, shops, warehouses, kindergartens and various other jobs. While I could go back into IT or something similar, I wanted to use this opportunity to try something new.

I had my fair share of mental health issues in the past (and present). I thought maybe those experiences could help me connect with folks who need support as well. When looking at course options, the counselling course stood out. So now I'm making a mid life crisis gamble that I'll pass the course, and feel confident and knowledgeable enough to take on the role that many others have taken on for me over the years.

The course has helped me find a routine too, one that I didn't know I needed, until it happened. When you're jobless and unfocused, the mind wanders, the days pass. Now my mind is focused on study, and I feel better for it.

Up until the lockdown hit, we were in class 3 days a week and then I'd study from home 1 to 3 days a week. When lockdown hit, we had to go online. However, being on the computer so much has worn me out, and I really start to enjoy those rare days where I am not looking at a screen!

To be honest, it's been challenging every step of the way, and I even thought about quitting several times in the past few months. However, my confidence has steadily risen to each challenge and I felt better for it.

That's the kind of vicious circle I enjoy.

In July I had my first live show in 13 months! In fact, to date I've only had 3 since the pandemic started! Fingers crossed I can cross the border next month and add a 4th.

I was approached by Cherry Divine to play guitar for her. It's a relatively easy gig for me. The songs are fun rockabilly tunes, Cherry sings great, and she already has a band and gigs. I'm helping her write a few songs too, for her next album. I can't thank her enough for sparkin' the fire in me to keep music alive in my life; for a while there I thought it was all a thing of the past.

With the spark has come the possibility of “The Josh” solo band coming together. While the band isn't moving at any great speed (the recent 2nd lockdown kicked in right as I was about to arrange a rehearsal), I'm finally eager to get a band together. I miss playing live, and I miss having musicians in my life. I miss the spontaneity of a show, life on the road, and crowd reactions.

I've even started to write some new material, and get those ideas on “tape”, well, on the computer. Slow and steady, between studying, family, pets and surfing, music is coming back into my life, and it feels good.

Our family unit here is doing well. Alex and I have been under mum's roof and mum's care for a year now. There are some ups and downs, but mostly I'd say they're ups... The house is big enough to give all of us space, all of us get time outside of the house (except during lockdown, I was mostly stuck at home, but that's OK for me)...

Last night we couldn't go out for dinner, but we did have take away from the local Indian which was really good, and a special treat for us, we don't eat out often.

Alex and I plan to get away every 5-6 months for a visit to somewhere we haven't been. In March we were on the “Sunshine Coast” and checked out Australia Zoo, and in June we went south to the mid north coast to pick up BB Junior.

It's nice to get out and explore. A bit hard to do at the moment, with the restrictions, but we've agreed another trip away (before Christmas if possible) is in order. Those trips are part of the reason why I came home, to see some of Australia, and I'm lucky I get to make those experiences with Alex.

It's also nice to get away from it all. I know we live in a beautiful spot near the ocean, but here, at home, there's the computers, the life and routine, and getting away keeps us fresh and focused on each other. It's definitely something I look forward to!

Speaking of BB Junior, he's almost 7 months old now, and a real character. While he's not the easiest cat to train, I've been getting a few tricks out of him, and he enjoys his time outside, with his harness and long lead. He visits his cousin each week for play time, Charlie, who is another ragdoll of a family friend who loves to play chase all day long with Junior. Alex adores Junior, and Junior adores Alex; they can't wait to cuddle when she comes home from work. He's very vocal too, so even when everyone is at work, I have someone to talk to!

Losing our little boy Mijo was a real difficult experience. I know I've written about him before, but he deserves a mention here, as he was a big part of our first year here. He was full of character and strength, he and I bonded very quickly and not a day goes by I don't think of him. He also brought Alex and I closer together. When she chose him for me, and when he passed, and all points in between, he brought us closer.

I've been focused on sport a fair bit since getting back and settling in. I bought a RowErg, also known as a rowing machine, and I row about twice a week, in addition to riding my bicycle about twice a week. I try to surf every chance I get, which unfortunately ends up being only a few times a month. It's my goal to do something sporty to get my heart rate up every day, and of late, usually I get there too. I don't really do it for any other reason than I love to snack and I can't snack if I don't do sport!

A benefit of my sport/snack workout routine is it helps me stay calm and focused and connected with those I ride and surf with.

I haven't asked Mum how she's feeling about having her middle aged son and his wife living with her recently. Maybe I should, but do I really wanna know the answer? Well, I think she's OK with it. After all, we drive her wherever she wishes! I suspect it goes a little deeper than that, and in all honesty, we enjoy each other's company.

Since Alex and I have been here, I'd like to think Mum has been living a little bit fuller life. I don't think her eyesight has deteriorated much in the past year, but we've been able to provide her with support, eyes to read the small print, driving and help with google, or something around the house. When Mum was diagnosed with celiac disease earlier this year, Alex took her shopping to check over the ingredients of Mum's favourite food, and when needed, found alternatives. It definitely made the transition to gluten free a little easier on Mum and it was a load off my mind that we were around to help her through that phase.

Winter 2021 was over before it even started. I forgot how warm this part of the world is, and I don't know why I own so many jackets! Returning from Europe, where I was wearing a jacket daily for about 9 months of the year, here it feels like, if it's really needed, and I mean if you're desperate, you might need one for 9 weeks of the year. I think the heater was on a handful of times, and the sun was shining just about every day.

I tell ya, it's some kind of paradise here.

It's been a bit difficult keeping up with our European friends and family. I sometimes find it hard to find the time to be proactive to contact the 20, 30 or more friends I'd like to keep in touch with regularly. I know our lives keep on keepin' on, but time passes by so quickly too, and next thing you know it's been 4 months since I last contacted you!

Sorry about that!

Don't take it personally, and I'll get back to you, eventually!

My overall mental health has improved over the year, I'd say it's become quite stable since I started the course. I mean, can't you tell? I write less and less in this blog, because I have less and less to process. I'm not sure if it's the fact there's a lot of self reflection that is inherently a part of doing that kind of mental health course, or if it's the routine of being a student or the new friends I've made and classmates I study with.

It could be that it's taken a year to come to terms with being back here, cause when I first arrived I felt uncomfortable, depressed and worn out... There were a lot of questions; is this a mid life crisis? What am I doing here? Will I ever feel good again? Is my music career over? What am I going to do now? Is Alex OK? Is Mum OK?

My journalling, blogging, and support from friends and family has helped a lot too this past year. Processing my thoughts in words, by clarifying and reflecting, has helped a lot. I've been trying to care for myself a bit more now and then too, I think people call it self care, sometimes I call it sport! Alex has helped me to recognise my achievements, however big or small, and focus less on what I haven't done.

I'm not perfect, but definitely improving.

I was hoping that Alex and I would be in a position to start looking at buying our own house around this time, a year in, but unfortunately, with one of us being a student and the ever rising cost of housing, we have to sit tight on that idea for a while longer. Sorry Mum, you're stuck with us.

There's been many smaller things happen during our first year here. Lots of moments of gratitude, love and support. There's some stuff we've forgotten, or that has been overtaken by something bigger. All in all, I'd say it's been a real rollercoaster home coming!

We're still here, a year on, still going strong, making motions, taking chances, being in love, talking shit, laughing, smiling, misbehaving and focusing... What more could we ask for?

Thank you for reading, for your support and love. I love you too.

Josh

#covid pandemic #1 year celebration #reflection #family life #relationships

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tinkertayler · 3 years

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Truthfully I haven't felt this deeply depressed and hopeless since my early 20s when I was borderline s**cidal and heavily abusing alcohol to cope. I'm depressed, stressed, anxious, empty, lonely. But above all... I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry.

I'm angry because I worked so hard to get to a positive, stable place mentally, emotionally, and physically. I worked hard, and I DID IT! I actually liked my stupid little life. It wasn't perfect, I had my complaints, but I managed to kick most of my bad habits, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and negative thought patterns to the curb. I stopped binge drinking (and after covid hit, nearly stopped drinking altogether); I left a job I hated for one that felt more satisfying to my soul; I stopped hating, blaming, and belittling myself constantly; I stopped fantasizing about being dead. I started gardening, cooking, running, reading, drinking tea, and feeling excited about shows, movies, and music again. I started being kind to myself; I started to feel confident and content; I started to love myself, finally, for the first time ever.

I carved out a life that I was able to find joy in, even during the worst of times. Even during this endless pandemic! Even within a world that is metaphorically and literally on fire! Even though I have barely seen my family in 16 months! Even with everything else going on, I had coping skills in place and activities that brought me comfort on dark days. I worked on myself and my attitude and my immediate environment and found a way to bring some semblance of joy, structure, and stability to my existence. I created the safest possible space for myself, a peaceful space wherein I could find something resembling contentment. And I was more or less happy.

...But now, all of that is being undone. All of my work. Everything that was safe, joyful, and secure is being pulled out from under me. My home, comfort, stability, and the life I worked so hard to build are being dismantled and I...I can't do anything to stop it. I have no control of the situation. I am uncomfortable in my own home, unable to find joy in my own life, and I don't know what to do about it.

I hate antidepressants and pharmaceuticals in general, I've had unpleasant experiences with them in the past, but I don't know how else to get through this. I just don't want to feel anything because right now, there is nothing good for me to feel. If I were 5 years younger, I would drink a bottle of cheap red wine until I passed out and call it "coping", but I'm not 22 anymore. I know better. I know I can't put my body through that kind of hell again. I just want to take a pill and I want it to do the thing pills do best: prevent me from feeling anything at all. Want to be sad? Can't. Want to be happy? Can't. I want to be emotionally numb because right now, I don't know if there's a better alternative.

What I do know is the constant stress and anxiety, depression and anger... The sleepless, tear-filled nights... The frustrated, tension-headache days... That shit HAS to stop. It is running me down to what is now the point of physical illness, and I can't keep doing it. If I need to take pills to feel numb, then so be it.

#i don't mind living alone #but living with someone i don't like #who actively makes me uncomfortable and stressed out in my own home #is hell #anyway thanks for coming to my pity party #i'm going to crawl back under my miserable little rock now

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studiopeachz · 3 years

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Task Brainstorm & Research

What am I passionate about?

Food

Cultures

Traveling

Music

tattoos/illustrations/designs

art/painting/drawing

Mental health

Self discovering/acceptance/explorations/expressions

What do you wish more people understood?

I wish people understood more about the different forms of self expression through different ways such as art, design, fashion, literature, etc.

I wish people understood more about human rights, or general personal choices without judgement

What do you feel strongly about?

I feel strongly about self love and acceptance because the factors of accepting ourselves can be hard but can make us flourish, and gives us opportunities to express how we feel

What makes you feel good?

Art in different forms makes me feel good has it drives my curiosity to learn and dig deeper for meaningful things

Beauty and self acceptance, embracing our imperfections

Wise words/sayings that inspire and impact me and others in a positive way

What makes me unhappy?

As an empathetic person, I feel unhappy for the one who also feels unhappy or any certain unstable emotions.

Making mistakes also make me upset as it is hard to admit our own wrong doings

Stereotypes, because it gives us an invalid label to individuals which do not define us as a whole

I don’t like when people judge you right away without knowing you

If you could fix something, what would it be?

I would want to fix the past mistakes i have done, wishing i could of done better

I would of want to fix the moments that I wish i could of done or fulfilled which leads to present regrets

What would you like to see in the future?

I would like to see everyone in the world to be kinder, and more understanding towards each other as it gives opportunities to get to know individuals truly, without having to judge them right away.

I would also like to see people normalizing natural and imperfect things and different creations of forms of self expression without any judgement, but curiosity instead.

What would you like to shine a light on?

I would like to raise awareness about the beauty of differences and self expression, even in peculiar artistic ways

What do you see that others don’t see?

As an optimistic person, I like to see the good in everything, therefore I have this willingness to listen and to understand situations, stories, and journeys of others.

I find the most imperfect things to be beautiful.

Things about Gen Z

https://www.livingfacts.org/en/articles/2020/meet-gen-z

https://danschawbel.com/blog/39-of-the-most-interesting-facts-about-generation-z/

Demographics

Gen Zers are also the most diverse generation. Research by the Center determined that nearly half (48%) of 6- to 21-year-old Gen Zers are racial or ethnic minorities, compared with 39% of Millennials in that age bracket in 2002 and more than double the percentage of early Baby Boomers in 1968.

Attitudes

In many instances, the youngest generation’s views follow Millennials’ social attitudes, and are in stark contrast to the oldest group, the Silent Generation, with Baby Boomers and Gen Xers falling in the middle.

For example, 70% of Gen Zers say government should do more to solve societal problems, rather than leaving it to businesses and individuals. By comparison, 64% of Millennials and only 39% of Silents say government should do more. Similarly, roughly 6 in 10 Gen Zers and Millennials say increasing racial and ethnic diversity is good for society, compared with about 4 in 10 Silents.

Gen Z’s as consumers

55% of Gen Z would rather buy clothes online and 53% would rather buy books and electronics online. [JWT]

Their favorite items to spend money on are food and drink (36%), going out with friends (32%) and clothes (18%). [Visa]

66% want to own both houses and cars in their lifetimes. [Deep Focus]

Gen Z’s most used tech devices are the smartphone (15.4 hours/week), TV (13.2 hours/week) and a laptop (10.6 hours/week). [Vision Critical]

50% would look on their phone to look for a better price while shopping at a retail store. [Gen HQ]

63% are concerned when it comes to protecting their identity when paying with a debit or credit card online or in a retail store. [Gen HQ]

Gen Z values

76% are concerned about man’s impact on the planet. [JWT]

79% of display symptoms of emotional distress when kept away from their personal electronic devices. [University of Maryland]

90% would be upset if they had to give up their Internet connection while only 51% would give up eating out and 56% would give up downloading music. [JWT]

84% multitask with an Internet-connected device while watching TV. [Forrester Research]

They have more than 10 apps on their smartphone with 10% having more than 40. [Visa]

60% of Gen Zs say “a lot of money” is a sign of success. [Deep Focus]

What are some general Gen Z issues/behaviours/values:

Social anxiety (mental health)

Racial equality

Gender identity

Self esteem

Political and social issues

Technology/ social media content

Personal beliefs and values in comparison to older generations

Speaking up/inner voice

Stress response

Optimistic attitude “it is what it is”

Three Campaign Ideas relatable to Gen Z demographic In Aotearoa:

(self expression)

gender identity / fashion & style / art & design / illustration / ink / skin art - tattoos

(self acceptance & confidence)

Body Image & Positivity / cultural roots / growth / well-being /

(cultural diversity)

Culture / tradition / ethnicity / foundation /

Research Gen z with self expression, self acceptance, and cultural diversity

WHAT DOES SELF-EXPRESSION REALLY MEAN TO GEN Z?https://www.havaspeople.com/project/what-does-self-expression-really-mean-to-gen-z/

We always knew that Gen Z would be distinctive. They are the first true digital natives, and grew up during times of uncertainty (the wake of the last financial crisis and Brexit in the UK). But over the last year the identity of this generation has been further shaped in a profound way as some of their most formative years are taking place against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with the significant interruptions that has wrought to school, university, and early working lives, as well as social connections. Gen Z were on the precipice of progress when COVID hit “pause” on life. And yet many Gen Zers are emerging as resilient, energized, and eager to express themselves and have their voices heard.

Rinsta (real) and Finsta (fake) social media accounts, often to keep certain aspects of their life hidden from family, potential employers, and others outside of their close social circles). Yet – on the whole – they trust the technology brands and platforms themselves.

69% of Gen Z believe that brands should make their stance on social and political issues known publicly. I believe this is what Gen Z mean by brand authenticity.

showing us that authenticity does not just mean having a clear point of view, but also using your clout as a brand to share and amplify the causes that matter to you.

showing your own alignment with the purpose and intent of a brand. Gen Z see the brands who they follow, ‘like’, and buy as a personal reflection of them as individuals, which is why they are prepared to pay more for brands that they believe support sustainability. If that’s how profoundly Gen Zers believe the impact of their consumer choices can affect the way they express themselves, it stands to reason that this will cut even deeper with regard to career choices, which is one of the reasons

This seems an important aspect of self-expression. Gen Z share a willingness to discuss issues in an open reflective way, and to seek out different opinions, which is one reason social channels are increasingly viewed as credible sources of news. To give another example, Gen Z are more comfortable talking about mental health issues than previous generations. While this can be attributed in part to the overall rise in awareness and acceptance of mental health issues over the last fifteen years, it is a noticeable shift from previous generations.

https://extremereach.com/blog/for-gen-z-consumption-is-about-self-expression/ “Consumption for this generation is an expression of individual identity.”

“Some people are angry and resentful because they feel like their voice isn’t heard, so clothing is a space where they can be self-governed.”

They’re experiencing brands in every corner of their online life and so these same “brands need to beware this generation’s discernment because they have a bloodhound-like nose for inauthenticity.”

We’ve been more empowered than ever, so why are Gen-Z the least confident generation yet? https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/gen-z-least-confident-generation

Indeed, statistics show that, instead of a defining feeling of hope among Gen Z, there is a groaning sense of pessimism - of hopelessness. Long running research from University College London, revealed earlier this year that depression levels are two-thirds higher than millennials. The study found 14.8 per cent of 14-year-olds in 2015 said they were depressed, compared to 9 per cent in 2005. While 14.4 per cent of young people said they had self-harmed, compared to 11.8 per cent a decade ago.

“I feel like Gen Z and millennials occupy a really interesting place in politics,” says Nogia, 20 “- we’ve only known austerity, we’ve only know casual work, we’ve only know life long sentences of debt for getting an education and we’re living in an age of populism and hatred in politics.”

So, is this having a detrimental effect on a generation’s mental health and personal confidence? Pretty much.

Youth Engagement Officer at YoungMinds, “Young people today have to navigate a huge range of pressures, from school or university stress, to worries over their career and housing prospects, to the rise of social media, which can make problems like bullying or body image issues more intense than they were in the past.”

Social media is - predictably - a major cause of generational anxiety. Not only is it connecting us to the world’s most depressing news stories, it is also connecting us to a plethora of airbrushed, Facetuned accounts making us feel terrible about ourselves. No wonder confidence is low.

Gen Z demands more diversity and inclusion from brands https://www.campaignlive.com/article/gen-z-demands-diversity-inclusion-brands/1705491

Gen Zers made clear throughout the study that they want brands to step up their efforts around representation. For example, 76% of Gen Zers said they feel diversity and inclusion is an important topic for brands to address, compared to 72% of millennials, 63% of Gen Xers and 46% of Baby Boomers who felt the same.

“Consumers don't want to see brands making an effort to be inclusive just for means of publicity,” said Jenna Stearns, researcher at quantilope and lead on the report. “They want to see something that's authentic and consistent.”

But brands that resonate most with Gen Z consumers are consistent in their support of social justice. Target, for example, has been vocal around LGBTQIA awareness and Pride month for years, said Steph Rand, senior research consultant at quantilope.

“These brands are rising to the top because they are sustaining and consistently making [these issues] a priority, either in their communications or around the content they produce,” Rand said.

Responses regarding representation also varied by race, gender and sexual orientation. Individuals responded they feel their gender is more represented in mainstream media (70% male; 66% female) and brand advertising (71% male; 68% female) than their sexual orientation or ethnicity.

In 2021, consumers hope to see more individuals with disabilities represented in advertising and media, as well as more authentic PR backed up by action.

Integrated Awareness Campaign Examples:

Self Expression Campaign example: https://www.lsnglobal.com/youth/article/24865/a-kombucha-campaign-that-celebrates-self-expression

Los Angeles – Health-Ade Kombucha’s latest campaign targets a new generation of health-conscious drinkers.

The campaign, You Brew You, introduces the brand’s new flavour and packaging concepts, as well celebrating the popularisation of kombucha. Diverging from traditional drinks advertising, it features a series of young models in bright clothing with colourful, neon-lit backdrops.

While kombucha brands tend to communicate in a way that focuses on health, wellness and fitness activities such as yoga, Health-Ade Kombucha is on a mission to change the image of the beverage and target a new generation of digitally-native consumers.

As the younger generation look to the future and consider how drinking impacts their health, they are turning towards soft drinks with additional health benefits. For more, explore the insight section of our macrotrend Anxiety Rebellion.

Self love/acceptance Campaign Example: https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/banksy-made-me-do-it-transforming-everyday-ads-into-self-love-campaigns

This stunt can have multiple meanings, as Banksy often uses his art to comment on such structures as capitalism, power imbalances, and corruption.

Wrapped up in the Banksy frenzy ourselves, we started questioning art and its subjective worth. What makes art valuable? What qualifies as art? In what way can art be used or manipulated to impact our everyday lives? We live in a world saturated by advertisements, media and marketing targeting and manipulating us to be passive consumers. Thinking about what we are subjected to daily by multimillion dollar companies is eye opening, as is Banksy’s take on copyright laws and advertising.

Banksy urges, “any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It's yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.”

So let’s take back the power. We got the ball rolling by taking some campaigns and slogans you might recognize, and turning them into campaigns for self love and acceptance.

Join us by creating your own better slogan and use the hashtag #banksymademedoit. What we need is more self love in the world. Let’s saturate the world with our mission.

Cultural Diversity Campaign Example: https://www.refuelagency.com/blog/examples-of-brands-who-got-multicultural-marketing-right/

Rihanna’s brand, Fenty, is all but synonymous with authentic inclusive marketing, created on the foundation that everyone woman is beautiful and should feel included. In 2017, Fenty Beauty launched 40 shades of foundation, and that has since grown to 50. Chaédria LaBouvier wrote in Allure that Fenty Beauty’s sheer number of foundation colors is “a statement that women of color deserve complex options”.

Rihanna shared that, “It’s important to me that every woman feel included in this brand.” Once this campaign launched, it had a ripple effect called “The Fenty Effect”, a movement calling for brands to challenge the status quo in advertising.

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bobdylansdaughter · 3 years

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MY OPEN LETTER TO OPRAH WINFREY

Thank you so much, Oprah. I appreciate all you do for so many people and how you stand up for what’s right always. You’ve always been an inspiration to me even when I was a young kid. I’m almost 30 now and I just feel like I’ve known you my whole life through watching you on tv and reading your books. Thank you for being a shining light in a really, really dark world.

Hi Oprah. My name is Jennifer Thompson, I’m a mother to a beautiful baby boy who just turned a year old in August and step mother to two rambunctious teenagers. I work more than full time the overnight shift stocking and receiving at Walmart. It’s a hard job and truly wears me down not to mention only sleeping a couple of hours a day. But it’s all supposed to be worth it to keep my family fed and warm and safe right? Yet here I am, crying in my living room floor and writing a letter to Oprah Winfrey to beg for help. This is what it’s come to. I know you must get people begging you for money all the time as you are one of the most prominent humanitarians in the world. But I’ve grown up watching you, and have always thought you were one of the true genuine altruists there are in the world of media. And so here I am asking you, like so many others, can you help my family? My job is hard. It is actually breaking me completely down. And it’s SUPPOSED to be worth it. But I still can’t pay all my bills. I’m 4 months behind on my electric bill and 2 months behind on my rent. I contracted Covid (as did my entire family) and while I had to quarantine and stay home from work for two weeks (a full pay check period) I got one third of a regular check during my time at home. I’ve been trying to play catch up ever since. Of course before that it wasn’t much better, I wonder why if I work so so hard over 40 hours a week why my family is starving, why I can’t pay my bills, why we are so far behind. I feel like I’m drowning and I may never see the surface. I know this is a reality for many families. And it’s so hard. I feel so hopeless every day. It’s crushing me. My son is only a year old and I can’t afford to give him the nutrition he needs and due to working so much and being far away for 8-10 hours a night my milk supply is dwindling almost completely now. I can’t feed the teenagers all they do is eat and eat and eat and I can’t keep up. I’ve already had to drop out of school and lose access to my classes because I can’t make my monthly payments. The impact of this pandemic and just general economic circumstances have destroyed my sense of purpose and drive. I work so so so hard and constantly it feels like. I’m killing myself to support my family and it’s not enough. That is such a hard realization. My mental health has really fallen, but I don’t even have time to worry about that or even care when I’ve got so much else to worry about. I’m sorry for the sob story because I’m sure you get millions on a daily basis. And I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. This is just a shot in the dark and a shout into the void, but it’s the last little shred of hope I’ve tricked myself into having. Oprah, will you please help my family? We don’t need much, just enough to get our electric bill paid up and catch up our rent and put some food in the refrigerator. We live in a cramped 2 bedroom apartment with roaches and are paying way too much for it but there’s nothing else in the town I live that I can find, so despite how horrible it is I have to keep paying our ridiculously high rent. 650 a month plus all utilities for a roach filled broom closet. It’s tough. And it’s got mold. And if you wanted to help out with some kind of mold cleaning service that would be very much appreciated as well because I don’t know how we can get rid of it. I’m sorry to just unload everything on you. It’s isolating this level of stress and fear and poverty. It really is, so I guess that can lead a struggling mother to unload all her burden onto Oprah Winfrey in an email she will probably never read. But this shout into the void is the last glint of light at the end of the tunnel for me and my family. Please, if there’s any help you can offer just to get us back to where we aren’t so far behind... that would change our whole lives and save us from eviction or worse.

Thank you for giving me my shout into the void,

Jennifer Ilana Thompson (mommy)

Oceane Bates (1 yr)

Gabby Bates (14 yrs)

Kamron Bates (13 yrs)

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alyssa-explains-it-all · 4 years

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15 More Things I Learned About People

When I turned 25, I did a Tumblr post about 25 Things I Learned About People and honestly, while it was pretty pedantically written, it holds up. So in honor of finishing my 20s soon, I wanted to add 15 more things I learned.

The second half of my 20s had much healthier relationships, more career stability but also my first two serious relationships, my first big heartbreak, the Trump administration, and a pandemic. So you know, highs and lows, but still a pretty fine time. Here’s what I want to add:

1. Be nice to yourself. Sometimes that’s way harder than being nice to other people. But the world is hard enough. You have to prioritize your mental health and self care.

2. Making an effort to be optimistic and thankful can be hard at times, but makes the day to day and your life generally a lot happier. Gratitude is the best attitude. Being in quarantine during COVID has isolated everyone from everyone. But it’s been life line crucial to me to try to find and focus on bright spots.

3. Don’t rush your timeline. The societal timeline for women is bullshit. You don’t have to be engaged, married, etc by a certain age. Wait for the right person. Don’t try to make something work that doesn’t because you think your time is running out. A lot of people, including yourself, your partner, and any future family (if you have kids, them especially, but also your friends and loved ones) suffer when your marriage/relationship isn’t happy or healthy.

4. One healthy person isn’t enough to make a relationship healthy. Childhood trauma doesn’t have to define people as adults; they can always get help. That said, you can’t make someone get help. I dated someone with parents who were absent and who had a lot of darkness in his past. But while he was functional, he held onto his pain like his cynicism was some kind of shield or superpower. In reality, it was a poison on our relationship. I tried to encourage him to get help. I’m not sure he ever did. It’s never hopeless to get out of stuff like that, I’d like to think. It just takes a desire to try and do the hard work to; I’ve seen friends go to therapy and it really changed their lives for the better.

5. Be aware, do your best to help, but do not let societal wrongs eat at you completely. The Trump administration did a lot of hurtful things to many groups of people. These past four years have put into perspective how broken and divided American society is. But it’s overwhelming to obsess about, in part because you feel your powerlessness. Help in your community, vote, donate to organizations you believe in. And then put the agony aside. Do not let it destroy you because you cannot keep fighting to make things better if you let the wrongs drain you now.

6. A lot of people don’t agree with you. Don’t completely dehumanize them. A lot of my relatives disagree with me politically. Half the country does, seemingly. I’m not going to say let’s all be friends, but you do have to try to maintain a level of respect and empathy because we all have to coexist still. When we are completely divided, we are weaker. And I like to think fundamentally, we all want the same things: to provide for our families, to work, and to be able to take care of ourselves aka the things that let us survive in this world. Try to preserve some level of kindness. I know it can be hard sometimes though.

7. Just be nice to people. Like honestly, the world is hard enough. Also wear a mask during a pandemic when it is advised. It isn’t that hard.

8. Try to be present rooted. It is the healthiest, least overwhelming way to live. Don’t stress over longterm future stuff. You don’t have to make decisions about big life things until they are closer to happening. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the growth, enjoy the journey. Be in this moment, because it is the only one guaranteed.

9. Heartbreak really sucks, but it gets better with time. Don’t try to date other people while still talking to your ex. It’s unfair to them; finish your business then take some time apart. If what you have with your ex is very, very broken, let it go so you can heal and open yourself up to dating people who are a better fit for you. I know people have to go on their own journey, especially with that first big heartbreak. Write out your feelings. Cry. Talk to people who aren’t your ex. Mend yourself and then get back out there and be open to finding something happier, healthier and better. It’ll happen with time.

10. Having a work-life balance is crucial. Take your time when you aren’t on the clock. Take a vacation if you can, even if it’s a staycation. You need to have balance in your life, especially to prevent burnout.

11. Material goods don’t matter as much as people. I’ve been on the periphery of elite New York society, going to the same ritzy fashion industry events. It’s interesting to people watch there, but this year in quarantine, being without all that glamour, I’ve really realized that the best way to find happiness isn’t to clout chase or money chase. It’s to invest in healthy relationships. Getting to be there for people is the greatest, most meaningful gift that keeps giving in life.

12. You’re doing better than you think you are. Sometimes life is just hard. This year has been for most people. But hey, you’re surviving. So give yourself credit, practice self care rather than self loathing. Sometimes it isn’t you handling thing badly; it’s just things are really tough and we’re all human.

13. Eat healthy. Exercise. Just take care of your body and mind. You function a lot better when you do. It makes life a little easier. And again, life is hard enough.

14. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. It’s nice, but what’s more sustaining is your emotional bond. It’s ok not to have sex if you aren’t feeling it. It’s ok not to be horny during a pandemic. It’s ok to prioritize and vocalize how you’re feeling to your partner. He or she should want to know. And if your partner doesn’t care? That says a lot about them, how selfish they are, and how undeserving they are of a future with you.

15. Don’t date people who don’t treat you well and add to your life. Don’t date people who take away your light and give you nothing back. Relationships should be reciprocal; otherwise they’re longterm draining and a breeding ground for resentment and burnout. You deserve an equal partner, not someone who uses you as just a support system or security blanket and then gives little back to restore you.

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tallmantall · 2 years

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#JamesDonaldson On #MentalHealth - Talking About #MentalHealth Is Tough But It’s Necessary | Opinion

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owenasher · 3 years

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EAPP M2-W2

A Helping Hand During the Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic has undoubtedly brought numerous changes to the way you live your life, as well as instability, disrupted everyday habits, economic stresses and social isolation. You could think about getting sick, how long the pandemic is going to last, if you're going to lose your work, and what the future is going to offer. Overloading of knowledge, gossip and misinformation will make your life seem out of reach and make it uncertain what to do. You may encounter tension, anxiety, terror, depression and isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic. And it can exacerbate mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression.

Few individuals have intensified their alcohol or opioid consumption, hoping that they can help them deal with their pandemic concerns. Using these drugs, in fact, will intensify anxiety and depression. If they get COVID-19, people with drug use problems, especially those addicted to cigarettes or opioids, are likely to have worse effects. This is because these addictions can affect the function of the lungs and impair the immune system, leading to chronic diseases such as heart disease and lung disease, raising the risk of severe COVID-19 complications. It's important to study self-care techniques and get the care you need to help you cope with all of these reasons.

For your emotional and physical wellbeing, self-care techniques are healthy and will help you take control of your life. First, take care of your body and be aware of your physical wellbeing, such as having adequate sleep, taking part in daily physical exercise, eating healthy, avoiding substance use, restricting screen time, relaxing and recharging. Secondly, take care of your mind to minimize tension causes such as managing your everyday schedule, minimizing news media viewing, keeping busy, concentrating on optimistic thinking, supporting your moral compass or spiritual life, and setting goals. Finally, engaging with people and building support and improving relationships, such as establishing relationships, doing things for others, and helping a family member or friend.

Stress is a natural psychological and physical response to life's demands. Everyone responds to stressful circumstances differently, and during a crisis, it's natural to feel tension and concern. But many regular struggles will drive you beyond your capacity to cope, such as the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. During this time, multiple persons will have mental health problems, such as signs of anxiety and depression. And over time, feelings can change. You may find yourself feeling powerless, unhappy, frustrated, irritable, hopeless, nervous or scared, despite your best efforts. You may have difficulty working on usual tasks, appetite swings, body aches and pains, or sleeping problems, or you may fail to face repetitive chores. It's time to call for assistance because these signs and symptoms last for many days in a row, making you unhappy and trigger difficulties in your everyday routine such that you find it impossible to do regular duties.

Hoping that mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression can go away on their own can lead to problems that are getting worse. Ask for support where you need it, if you have worries or if you experience deteriorating mental health problems, just be upfront about how you're doing. When the pandemic is over, you can expect your present strong feelings to diminish, but depression won't vanish from your life when COVID-19's health crisis ends. To take care of your mental health, maintain these self-care habits and improve your ability to deal with the continuing struggles of life.

Type of Written Work:

•Essay

Reasons for Choosing this Type of Written Work:

•Essay writing is the excellent strategy for topic awareness to be enhanced. I chose this type of written work because essay writing encourages me to develop effectively at academic writing, also, it will strengthen my cognitive and analytical skills.

Topic:

•Coping Strategies on Mental Health Problems During the Pandemic

Reason for Choosing this Topic:

• I chose this topic according to our current situation as it focuses to the mental condition of the people we need to look out for especially their health and safety during this pandemic.

Purpose for Writing:

•Its solely purpose is to manage and provide an effective coping strategy as we survive this pandemic since it influences how we think, feel, and act. It will also helps decide how we respond to stress, interact with others, and make decisions.

Audience:

•The target audience of this topic is everyone.

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unfortunateleigh20 · 4 years

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october 21 (pt. 1)

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted. I’ve been really busy.

I’m almost finished with reading Tara Westover’s memoir Educated for one of my classes, and it’s beginning to hit me hard. The past few chapters I’ve read have been about her experience at the end of her undergraduate college career. She speaks about her advisor while she’s studying abroad, and how he’s blow away by her, what she has to say, and her intelligence. I think this really effected me in many ways:

1. I am attending a college that is only about an hour away from my house, in-state. While college-searching, I did not want to be this close, but I decided that I would start my first year at my school and see how it went. This was also partially because I never pictured myself going to college. I have always felt very strongly about school and education systems, and I am very against school in the US, especially public school. High school was awful for me—I got good grades, and I did well, but my mental health was horrible, I did not have good friends, I was always under immense amounts of stress due to the carelessness of teachers, and it was an all-around terrible experience. Even from a young age—as soon as I could really understand what college was—I didn’t want to go. I thought it was a waste, and and pointless, especially if you didn’t know what you wanted to do in life. It wasn’t until eleventh grade that I decided I wanted to go to college, after having an epiphany while in my Advanced Behavioral Science class. That’s when I made the choice to go.

I mention all of this because, like I said, it was never my intention to go to college. At least, not until I realized what I was passionate about, and what I wanted to do. I guess this first year, for me, was kind of testing the waters, so to speak, to determine if college was actually something I wanted. And I will say, education wise, I am thriving compared to high school. (I firmly believe I learned very little in middle & high school. I basically taught myself everything, and any additional knowledge I had came from my own personal interests.)

However, I did not want to go to a college that was so close to home. I wanted to get far away from the toxicity of my childhood. That obviously didn’t happen. I settled for this school because it was the best one out of those I applied. I am a first generation college student, and knew nothing about college going into it. I was extremely overwhelmed with the process of finding schools and applying, and I still feel anxious about it regularly.

And I do like my school; it’s a good school. I just don’t think it’s for me. I want something much bigger, with more opportunities; and I don’t want to be at a place where everybody knows each other, I prefer the mysteriousness of being in such a large school that you can always meet new people. This I regret. And it leads me to my next point.

2. I really do not want to attend this school next year. However, with COVID-19, I see it as my best option—financially, and for my own health. I am so thoroughly frustrated that I had to start college during a global pandemic. And while I’m thankful that I had and have the opportunity to attend college—especially one that has in-person classes—it is just so overwhelming to me.

I want to transfer, but the thought of having to find a new school terrifies me because of the intimidating application process. (Is there someone I could work with that would help me with this sort of thing?) And, if this pandemic is still going on next year, is there a point in applying to a different college? Also, I really do not want to go to college next year, if this pandemic continues. But I’m afraid to take a year off, as well. COVID-19 has just has such a horrible impact on me and my mental health this year, as I start college; not because I am worried about the actual virus, but because of all of the effects it is leaving in its wake. This is just not a world I feel I can continue to survive in.

3. Speaking of attending a different school, I want to study abroad so bad. When I was looking at colleges during my junior and senior year of high school, I never wanted to study abroad. I felt very strongly about it. Now that I’ve actually started school, I want to study abroad so bad. The issue is, I don’t know how to fluently speak any other languages besides English (and I don’t know if you have to speak another language in order to be able to study abroad). But while reading Westover’s memoir, I realized that even going somewhere like the UK would be possible, because the language is still English. And I’ve always wanted to go there.

But I don’t know if it costs more money, and I have no money. My family is in just the right spot where we aren’t considered “poor enough” to qualify for scholarships or financial aid. However, my parents are also not helping to pay for my attending college in any way. I don’t have a consistent job, and even if I wanted one, the issue again goes back to COVID-19, and my own social anxiety.

I try to apply for scholarships, but it’s so overwhelming—to have to worry about school work, work, social life, home life, whether I’m going to college next year, if I want to transfer, if I want to study abroad, and also apply for as many scholarships as possible. How do I find scholarships? Where do I find them? How do I get them? I’m so stressed that I can’t even focus on doing them well, and obviously that has an impact on whether I’m chosen or not.

4. Furthermore, I’ve been struggling on and off with feeling like I’m not intelligent. I don’t feel like I don’t belong—that isn’t the case. (Well, I do feel like I don’t belong, but not because I don’t feel like I’m not “smart enough.” I feel like I don’t belong for a separate reason.) I just feel like everybody else is so intelligent, and it is so easy for them to communicate it outwardly—whether it’s verbally or through writing. Sometimes I feel like I’m not intelligent at all. Actually, I’ve always felt that way until just within the past year, when I started to realize that I do have a lot of knowledge about a lot of things. But I still feel like I’m not smart enough. And much, much worse is that, even at times when I feel like I am smart, I know that I cannot communicate my thoughts properly. I’ve been told on a very surprising (to me) number of occasions that I’m “very articulate.” I don’t even know what that means.

I don’t feel like I can communicate what I’m thinking at all. I feel like nobody ever understands what I’m trying to say, and oftentimes, as a way to make up for it, I feel like I over-explain things or go into way too much detail. I am suspended in a constant state between explaining too much and not explaining enough. I have so much to say, but I don’t know how to say it. And I can’t say anything out loud, but I say too much through writing. I have so many opinions and thoughts, but I can’t verbalize it.

I guess maybe my largest issue is that I seek validation. I feel like I am not intelligent unless people tell me that I’m intelligent (mainly because I don’t know anything about myself). So without people telling me I’m intelligent, I don’t feel it. And without being able to verbalize my thoughts, nobody is telling me that I’m intelligent. It’s an awful, harmful cycle, but I don’t know how to break out of it.

And just recently I’ve realized how much of an impact my mental illness has on me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been able to think clearly. I worry about too many things at once, and my mind always feels like it’s in a fog. Every once and awhile, very, very rarely, does this all go away for an hour or so, and I can write something incredible. My thoughts are concise, powerful, and thorough. But this has only happened a handful of times; less times than I can count on one hand. It makes me so angry that my mental illness is keeping me from being able to think clearly and perform clearly, but I don’t know what to do. It feels entirely hopeless.

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moodboardinthecloud · 4 years

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Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful

Here’s how to pull yourself out of despair and live your life

Tara Haelle

Aug 16·13 min read

https://elemental.medium.com/your-surge-capacity-is-depleted-it-s-why-you-feel-awful-de285d542f4c

Itwas the end of the world as we knew it, and I felt fine. That’s almost exactly what I told my psychiatrist at my March 16 appointment, a few days after our children’s school district extended spring break because of the coronavirus. I said the same at my April 27 appointment, several weeks after our state’s stay-at-home order.

Yes, it was exhausting having a kindergartener and fourth grader doing impromptu distance learning while I was barely keeping up with work. And it was frustrating to be stuck home nonstop, scrambling to get in grocery delivery orders before slots filled up, and tracking down toilet paper. But I was still doing well because I thrive in high-stress emergency situations. It’s exhilarating for my ADHD brain. As just one example, when my husband and I were stranded in Peru during an 8.0-magnitude earthquake that killed thousands, we walked around with a first aid kit helping who we could and tracking down water and food. Then I went out with my camera to document the devastation as a photojournalist and interview Peruvians in my broken Spanish for my hometown paper.

Now we were in a pandemic, and I’m a science journalist who has written about infectious disease and medical research for nearly a decade. I was on fire, cranking out stories, explaining epidemiological concepts in my social networks, trying to help everyone around me make sense of the frightening circumstances of a pandemic and the anxiety surrounding the virus.

I knew it wouldn’t last. It never does. But even knowing I would eventually crash, I didn’t appreciate how hard the crash would be, or how long it would last, or how hard it would be to try to get back up over and over again, or what getting up even looked like.

Psychiatrist and habit change specialist Dr. Jud Brewer explains how anxiety masquerades as helpfulelemental.medium.com

How to Live When Your Mind Is Governed by Fear

In those early months, I, along with most of the rest of the country, was using “surge capacity” to operate, as Ann Masten, PhD, a psychologist and professor of child development at the University of Minnesota, calls it. Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters. But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long. Pandemics are different — the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely.

“The pandemic has demonstrated both what we can do with surge capacity and the limits of surge capacity,” says Masten. When it’s depleted, it has to be renewed. But what happens when you struggle to renew it because the emergency phase has now become chronic?

By my May 26 psychiatrist appointment, I wasn’t doing so hot. I couldn’t get any work done. I’d grown sick of Zoom meetups. It was exhausting and impossible to think with the kids around all day. I felt trapped in a home that felt as much a prison as a haven. I tried to conjure the motivation to check email, outline a story, or review interview notes, but I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t make myself do anything — work, housework, exercise, play with the kids — for that whole week.

Or the next.

I know depression, but this wasn’t quite that. It was, as I’d soon describe in an emotional post in a social media group of professional colleagues, an “anxiety-tainted depression mixed with ennui that I can’t kick,” along with a complete inability to concentrate. I spoke with my therapist, tweaked medication dosages, went outside daily for fresh air and sunlight, tried to force myself to do some physical activity, and even gave myself permission to mope for a few weeks. We were in a pandemic, after all, and I had already accepted in March that life would not be “normal” for at least a year or two. But I still couldn’t work, couldn’t focus, hadn’t adjusted. Shouldn’t I be used to this by now?

“Why do you think you should be used to this by now? We’re all beginners at this,” Masten told me. “This is a once in a lifetime experience. It’s expecting a lot to think we’d be managing this really well.”

It wasn’t until my social media post elicited similar responses from dozens of high-achieving, competent, impressive women I professionally admire that I realized I wasn’t in the minority. My experience was a universal and deeply human one.

An unprecedented disaster

While the phrase “adjusting to the new normal” has been repeated endlessly since March, it’s easier said than done. How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the “new normal” is indefinite uncertainty?

“This is an unprecedented disaster for most of us that is profound in its impact on our daily lives,” says Masten. But it’s different from a hurricane or tornado where you can look outside and see the damage. The destruction is, for most people, invisible and ongoing. So many systems aren’t working as they normally do right now, which means radical shifts in work, school, and home life that almost none of us have experience with. Even those who have worked in disaster recovery or served in the military are facing a different kind of uncertainty right now.

Americans are faced with more risk than ever. Understanding how the brain navigates this new reality can build…elemental.medium.com

Life Is Now a Game of Risk. Here’s How Your Brain Is Processing It.

“I think we maybe underestimate how severe the adversity is and that people may be experiencing a normal reaction to a pretty severe and ongoing, unfolding, cascading disaster,” Masten says. “It’s important to recognize that it’s normal in a situation of great uncertainty and chronic stress to get exhausted and to feel ups and downs, to feel like you’re depleted or experience periods of burnout.”

Research on disaster and trauma focuses primarily on what’s helpful for people during the recovery period, but we’re not close to recovery yet. People can use their surge capacity for acute periods, but when dire circumstances drag on, Masten says, “you have to adopt a different style of coping.”

“How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the ‘new normal’ is indefinite uncertainty?”

Understanding ambiguous loss

It’s not surprising that, as a lifelong overachiever, I’ve felt particularly despondent and adrift as the months have dragged on, says Pauline Boss, PhD, a family therapist and professor emeritus of social sciences at the University of Minnesota who specializes in “ambiguous loss.”

“It’s harder for high achievers,” she says. “The more accustomed you are to solving problems, to getting things done, to having a routine, the harder it will be on you because none of that is possible right now. You get feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, and those aren’t good.”

That’s similar to how Michael Maddaus, MD, a professor of thoracic surgery at the University of Minnesota, felt when he became addicted to prescription narcotics after undergoing several surgeries. Now recovered and a motivational speaker who promotes the idea of a “resilience bank account,” Maddaus had always been a fast-moving high achiever — until he couldn’t be.

“I realized that my personal operating system, though it had led to tremendous success, had failed me on a more personal level,” he says. “I had to figure out a different way of contending with life.”

That mindset is an especially American one, Boss says.

“Our culture is very solution-oriented, which is a good way of thinking for many things,” she says. “It’s partly responsible for getting a man on the moon and a rover on Mars and all the things we’ve done in this country that are wonderful. But it’s a very destructive way of thinking when you’re faced with a problem that has no solution, at least for a while.”

That means reckoning with what’s called ambiguous loss: any loss that’s unclear and lacks a resolution. It can be physical, such as a missing person or the loss of a limb or organ, or psychological, such as a family member with dementia or a serious addiction.

“In this case, it is a loss of a way of life, of the ability to meet up with your friends and extended family,” Boss says. “It is perhaps a loss of trust in our government. It’s the loss of our freedom to move about in our daily life as we used to.” It’s also the loss of high-quality education, or the overall educational experience we’re used to, given school closures, modified openings and virtual schooling. It’s the loss of rituals, such weddings, graduations, and funerals, and even lesser “rituals,” such as going to gym. One of the toughest losses for me to adapt to is no longer doing my research and writing in coffee shops as I’ve done for most of my life, dating back to junior high.

“These were all things we were attached to and fond of, and they’re gone right now, so the loss is ambiguous. It’s not a death, but it’s a major, major loss,” says Boss. “What we used to have has been taken away from us.”

Just as painful are losses that may result from the intersection of the pandemic and the already tense political division in the country. For many people, issues related to Covid-19 have become the last straw in ending relationships, whether it’s a family member refusing to wear a mask, a friend promoting the latest conspiracy theory, or a co-worker insisting Covid-19 deaths are exaggerated.

Ambiguous loss elicits the same experiences of grief as a more tangible loss — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — but managing it often requires a bit of creativity.

A winding, uncharted path to coping in a pandemic

While there isn’t a handbook for functioning during a pandemic, Masten, Boss, and Maddaus offered some wisdom for meandering our way through this.

Accept that life is different right now

Maddaus’ approach involves radical acceptance. “It’s a shitty time, it’s hard,” he says. “You have to accept that in your bones and be okay with this as a tough day, with ‘that’s the way it is,’ and accept that as a baseline.”

But that acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, he says. It means not resisting or fighting reality so that you can apply your energy elsewhere. “It allows you to step into a more spacious mental space that allows you to do things that are constructive instead of being mired in a state of psychological self torment.”

Expect less from yourself

Most of us have heard for most of our lives to expect more from ourselves in some way or another. Now we must give ourselves permission to do the opposite. “We have to expect less of ourselves, and we have to replenish more,” Masten says. “I think we’re in a period of a lot of self discovery: Where do I get my energy? What kind of down time do I need? That’s all shifted right now, and it may take some reflection and self discovery to find out what rhythms of life do I need right now?”

She says people are having to live their lives without the support of so many systems that have partly or fully broken down, whether it’s schools, hospitals, churches, family support, or other systems that we relied on. We need to recognize that we’re grieving multiple losses while managing the ongoing impact of trauma and uncertainty. The malaise so many of us feel, a sort of disinterested boredom, is common in research on burnout, Masten says. But other emotions accompany it: disappointment, anger, grief, sadness, exhaustion, stress, fear, anxiety — and no one can function at full capacity with all that going on.

Recognize the different aspects of grief

The familiar “stages” of grief don’t actually occur in linear stages, Boss says, but denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are all major concepts in facing loss. Plenty of people are in denial: denying the virus is real, or that the numbers of cases or deaths are as high as reported, or that masks really help reduce disease transmission.

Anger is evident everywhere: anger at those in denial, anger in the race demonstrations, anger at those not physically distancing or wearing masks, and even anger at those who wear masks or require them. The bargaining, Boss says, is mostly with scientists we hope will develop a vaccine quickly. The depression is obvious, but acceptance… “I haven’t accepted any of this,” Boss says. “I don’t know about you.”

Sometimes acceptance means “saying we’re going to have a good time in spite of this,” Boss says, such as when my family drove an hour outside the city to get far enough from light pollution to look for the comet NEOWISE. But it can also mean accepting that we cannot change the situation right now.

“We can kick and scream and be angry, or we can feel the other side of it, with no motivation, difficulty focusing, lethargy,” Boss says, “or we can take the middle way and just have a couple days where you feel like doing nothing and you embrace the losses and sadness you’re feeling right now, and then the next day, do something that has an element of achievement to it.”

“Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass.”

Experiment with “both-and” thinking

This approach may not work for everyone, but Boss says there’s an alternative to binary thinking that many people find helpful in dealing with ambiguous loss. She calls it “both-and” thinking, and sometimes it means embracing a bit of the irrational.

For the families of soldiers missing in action in Vietnam that Boss studied early in her career, or the family members of victims of plane crashes where the bodies aren’t recovered, this type of thinking means thinking: “He is both living and maybe not. She is probably dead but maybe not.”

“If you stay in the rational when nothing else is rational, like right now, then you’ll just stress yourself more,” she says. “What I say with ambiguous loss is the situation is crazy, not the person. The situation is pathological, not the person.”

An analogous approach during the pandemic might be, “This is terrible and many people are dying, and this is also a time for our families to come closer together,” Boss says. On a more personal level, “I’m highly competent, and right now I’m flowing with the tide day-to-day.”

It’s a bit of a Schrödinger’s existence, but when you can’t change the situation, “the only thing you can change is your perception of it,” she says.

Of course, that doesn’t mean denying the existence of the pandemic or the coronavirus. As Maddaus says, “You have to face reality.” But how we frame that reality mentally can help us cope with it.

Look for activities, new and old, that continue to fulfill you

Lots of coping advice has focused on “self-care,” but one of the frustrating ironies of the pandemic is that so many of our self-care activities have also been taken away: pedicures, massages, coffee with friends, a visit to the amusement park, a kickboxing class, swimming in the local pool — these activities remain unsafe in much of the country. So we have to get creative with self-care when we’re least motivated to get creative.

“When we’re forced to rethink our options and broaden out what we think of as self-care, sometimes that constraint opens new ways of living and thinking,” Masten says. “We don’t have a lot of control over the global pandemic but we do over our daily lives. You can focus on plans for the future and what’s meaningful in life.”

For me, since I missed eating in restaurants and was tired of our same old dinners, I began subscribing to a meal-kit service. I hate cooking, but the meal kits were easy, and I was motivated by the chance to eat something that tasted more like what I’d order in a restaurant without having to invest energy in looking through recipes or ordering the right ingredients.

Okay, I’ve also been playing a lot of Animal Crossing, but Maddaus explains why it makes sense that creative activities like cooking, gardening, painting, house projects — or even building your own imaginary island out of pixels — can be fulfilling right now. He references the book The Molecule of More, which explores how dopamine influences our experiences and happiness, in describing the types of activities most likely to bring us joy.

“There are two ways the brain deals with the world: the future and things we need to go after, and the here and now, seeing things and touching things,” Maddaus says. “Rather than being at the mercy of what’s going on, we can use the elements of our natural reward system and construct things to do that are good no matter what.”

Those kinds of activities have a planning element and a here-and-now experience element. For Maddaus, for example, it was simply replacing all the showerheads and lightbulbs in the house. “It’s a silly thing, but it made me feel good,” he says.

Focus on maintaining and strengthening important relationships

The biggest protective factors for facing adversity and building resilience are social support and remaining connected to people, Masten says. That includes helping others, even when we’re feeling depleted ourselves.

“Helping others is one of those win-win strategies of taking action because we’re all feeling a sense of helplessness and loss of control about what’s going on with this pandemic, but when you take action with other people, you can control what you’re doing,” she says. Helping others could include checking in on family friends or buying groceries for an elderly neighbor.

Begin slowly building your resilience bank account

Maddaus’ idea of a resilience bank account is gradually building into your life regular practices that promote resilience and provide a fallback when life gets tough. Though it would obviously be nice to have a fat account already, he says it’s never too late to start. The areas he specifically advocates focusing on are sleep, nutrition, exercise, meditation, self-compassion, gratitude, connection, and saying no.

“Start really small and work your way up,” he says. “If you do a little bit every day, it starts to add up and you get momentum, and even if you miss a day, then start again. We have to be gentle with ourselves and keep on, begin again.”

After spending an hour on the phone with each of these experts, I felt refreshed and inspired. I can do this! I was excited about writing this article and sharing what I’d learned.

And then it took me two weeks to start the article and another week to finish it — even though I wanted to write it. But now, I could cut myself a little more slack for taking so much longer than I might have a few months ago. I might have intellectually accepted back in March that the next two years (or more?) are going to be nothing like normal, and not even predictable in how they won’t be normal. But cognitively recognizing and accepting that fact and emotionally incorporating that reality into everyday life aren’t the same. Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass. But humans can get better at anything with practice, so at least I now have some ideas for working on my sea legs.

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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(Seems like) Years since yesterday...

Today, 1 year ago, is a special day...

One year ago today was the last time I bought myself a new guitar... I always wanted a Guild, and as I had been touring a lot with The Cashbags I figured I could now afford it. It's blonde, with P90s and as close as I could get to one of my idols, Dave G from The Paladins.

I bought it second hand via “Ebay Kleinanzeigen”, right before a show with The Cashbags. The guy came to the venue, before sound check and I tried it out. I was in love... I bought it there and then...

I played it that night at The Cashbags show too. This was the only show I played my own guitar during all my years touring with the band. Usually I would use the band gear, as it best suited the look the band wanted (and it was easy for me, I didn't have to carry my guitar and amp to and from shows)...

It's also the only show I have so far played with this guitar...

Why?

Well that's cause of that damn pandemic.

You see, that show in Langenselbold was to become the last one The Cashbags would play with me...

I knew I was leaving the band at the end of the tour, which was at the end of April, but COVID had a different plan. It's kinda hard to explain how it felt driving to the show, a good 6 hours, with 1 or 2 date cancellations happening along the way... However, by the the next morning hotel breakfast, the rest of the tour was cancelled.

We lost 6 solid weeks of shows...

But how naive I was. I thought we'd be back at it pretty soon; dates rescheduled, last minute shows would be booked... you know the deal. But in the end, I didn't share the stage with the band again, I didn't get to say goodbye to half the band members before leaving Germany either.

Alex and I had only been married 10 days when restrictions started to begin in Germany. The full lockdown was a week or two later, wasn't it? I don't know, it's all a bit of a blur.

I was lucky, at the time, I had my studio which was all mine, so I could get out of the apartment, walk the dog and play guitar, loud... The new guitar got some action, behind closed doors of course.

You know the story, we started selling up, packing up and, eventually, moved down under...

It feels surreal to think how, at the time, we had no idea how this was going to affect us. It's quite clear the pandemic has brought out the best (and worst) in people.

I think for me, during my time in Dresden's restrictions, everything felt, well, OK. It didn't feel too bad, but I had a lot to focus on. The “goodbyes” to everyone was the hardest thing. I don't remember being under the weather, depressed or sick. I may have been, but whatever negative thoughts and feelings there were, they weren't strong during that time.

I was lucky to be one of the earlier guests on the Blue Note live stream in March, which encouraged me to do my own live streams in April and May. As unprepared as I was to learn so many new songs, it was a good focus, until it got too much.

In July we had “The Josh Fest” which was too much for my emotions. Dresden, I feel the love. I'm so thankful (and lucky) so many friends could come out for one last party. Reuniting old bands, new bands and old friends on stage, it'll go down as one of the best shows in my life. One that ended with me in tears...

When we had the first cancelled flight and rescheduled flights in mid July, I don't remember feeling too bad about it all either. I didn't like it, but our delay was only a week or two. And we had a roof over our head and Alex's family there to support us.

But once the 3rd or 4th rescheduled flight happened it started to get scary and worrying. I remember some really bad days in Meine. I had lost all hope of getting home. We were in limbo, and had little control over the situation. Our health insurances had expired, we were no longer registered in Germany and were worried constantly if the next flight would let us on. So many last minute cancellations, wears one down. I spent quite a bit of my time frustrated, depressed and helpless during those 2 months.

Once we took control, used some savings and bought ourselves new flights, we made it to Adelaide. I definitely felt better by taking action. However, another set of challenges arise, quarantine isn't fun. We were lucky with our hotel, room and food, but it's still tough... Very tough... And I sympathize with everyone who's had to go through it, especially those who are doing it under hardship.

In late September we made it mum's. We finally made it... I'd been waiting for this moment for a year (longer than originally planned of course). I made the decision to move in September/October 2019. I had achieved a lot in Europe, so many amazing adventures (good and challening) that I'll have enough memories to last a life time (if I can remember them!).

I wanted to come back and take care of my family.

When we arrived at mum's, it hit me... I was back! I didn't feel the excitement I thought I would. I felt bad for Mum. Like, shouldn't I have been crying? Shouldn't I have been screaming! “I'm baaaaaaack!!!” In the end I think it was just relief... We'd arrived almost 3 months later than expected. We needed to settle in.

I think settling in took a while. Is it still happening? Even the smell of the fresh salt air knocks you out! Lots of new things to get used to. Integration had begun. Usually I returned home for a holiday, now it was a return for good. This is a full time permanent position.

I did enjoy October through to January. Alex wasn't working, we had time to do stuff, relax... Enjoy the local scene. I don't surf every day, but definitely as often as conditions allow. I did some work, which I previously blogged about. Alex started working in December, and she loves her job... Things were pretty good...

I was, I still am, trying to get over saying goodbye to my puppy, my friends and wondering why I had little motivation to pick up the guitar...

In mid January Mijo, my little kitten, came into my life. Thanks to my wonderful wife, she knew full well I wouldn't decide to get a pet on my own, and on the responsibility to bring some fur into our lives. Damn I'm lucky.

In fact, Alex's intuition is amazing... She always seems to know know when to ask questions, when to listen, when to take action and when to bring coffee. Bless her cotton socks...

However come February I'd hit the wall. I don't know what it is, what it was.... But it's been a little while coming, and hasn't gone away. It did leave me in bed for 3 days, and don't ask me the reason, cause I can't tell you.

I've had a lot of motivation issues... I just don't feel like getting up... I have to, because I gotta drive mum to work and pick her up. Once back home, usually I drink coffee and force myself to do something, anything... I've used the excuse of “training Mijo” that I visit friends with him, but really my heart hasn't been in it. I just know I'd feel guilty if I didn't do anything...

I've had a lot of paperwork to fill out since getting home. Bank accounts and all that kind of stuff... Alex's visa (which is still on going for another 18 months or so). Also local government bureaucratic stuff I have to deal with. Taxes! I'm planning to start studying in April, but to enroll the process comes with a lot of documentation, questions and answers...

So... Lately...

I have distanced myself from everyone lately. Except for a few moments, I haven't picked up the guitar in almost 12 months. I barely do anything. Writing this blog today, has taken a lot of energy and focus to start. If it wasn't for the “anniversary” today, I wouldn't have even begun to type.

To help you understand the hole I was (and still am) in... I have been blessed with a roof over my head, food every day, a loving wife, a beautiful kitten, a loving mum (and family and friends), the beach, the sounds of birds waking me up and (mostly) great weather... But I'm still unhappy...

How could that be? Why is that?

I know I wrote a few times before, that writing has helped me process my feelings. So I figured I'd better try it. Practice what I preach!... But don't ask me how I feel, I just don't know... and it can change in a heart beat.

I got out of bed today, and I did some office work... First time in over a week... Stuff I've been putting off... I'll need to make a few calls this afternoon too... But in between I think I'll rest... Relax...

Usually, I push myself too much... I have pushed myself to the edge (again)... I've been feeling desperate, unmotivated, hopeless, helpless and, well, just plain shit... I know I gotta get out of it, but these days I'm trying a new approach: pull back, relax, rethink, rest and figure out the right balance... So far I am somewhere in the middle....

At least I think I feel better than when I was constantly powering through and not acknowledging my feelings.

I'm my worst critic, and I feel guilty if I don't “do” every day... I gotta “do” this or that... But sometimes you gotta take care of yourself... That is also a “do”... isn't it? Self care. Self love. Listening to your body.

So it's been one of the roughest years in a long time for us... hasn't it??

Damn...

Please don't do what I do and ignore the stress and pressure... What I mean is, there's been so many new things for all of us, so many new challenges, we forget how far we've come. We forget we are still here.

We have achieved so much, even if it's the fact we got out of bed today!!!

We need to be kind to each other, but more importantly to ourselves. I wouldn't treat my pet, my friends or my family as badly as I do myself, so why am I doing that?? It's gotta stop.

I gotta listen to myself when I don't feel up to it, and forgive myself for putting myself first... Rest... Reflection... Relaxing... Recuperation... Maybe then I can begin the next chore... Like filling out this damn paperwork just to get into college...

https://youtu.be/-rkq9ffBpWY - The Paladins - Years Since Yesterday

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#depression #ptsd #musicians #pandemic #anxiety #struggling #self love

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