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furiousgoldfish · 2 years

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Symptoms of grief:

feeling a heavy weight in your body pulling you to the ground

only being able to move slowly, not having any energy to move fast

feeling numb, emotionless, uncaring, stone-cold or deeply sad

feeling like nothing in the world matters and nothing is worth doing

not having any interest in activities that take any energy

finding other people tiring, and interactions exhausting

clinging to anything old, familiar, nostalgic, and comforting

wanting a distraction, but also feeling like nothing can distract you enough

over-indulging in distracting activities like video games, tv shows, internet

not being able to find words to express what you’re going thru, feeling like nobody could possibly understand or empathize

not wanting to see or talk to other people, wanting to be alone, but also longing for comfort and familiarity

doing anything is very tiring and you wish you could only lie down forever

not wanting to eat, or alternatively, always wanting to eat

craving mostly comfort food, things you’ve had in some period in your past, or sweets, fast food, anything that brings you a little comfort

losing control over your diet, not being able to care about what you’re eating

feeling like this feeling will never end, feeling like you should be over it already

having surges of memories, some of them painful, some of them made painful by the fact that they’re in the past, unchangeable, unrepeatable

feeling physical pain in the area of your chest, back, stomach, shoulders, if a particularly painful memory is touched or triggered

wishing you could stop feeling and re-experiencing past moments

feeling like you’re never going to be happy again

feeling like you’re dying

#grief #mourning #trauma #cptsd #symptoms #sadness #mourning is a part of trauma #it can last for a long time #and be so powerful it overrides all your other symptoms #for stretches of time you might feel nothing but grief and sadness #not even fear or anger #just pain

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inkskinned · 7 months

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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

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demaparbat-hp · 2 months

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Kintsugi is the art of decorating your scars with pieces of Agni.

In the Fire Nation, the amount of golden marks are a sign of status. Only the Royal Family can afford to seal every single wound with Kintsugi. Such is the weight of this tradition that, among the ones with Agni's blood, it is the highest mark of dishonor to have a natural scar, for it proves you aren't worthy of the privilege.

After the Agni Kai, Ozai forbid Zuko's scar to be sealed with Kintsugi. The boy wasn't worth his title, his traditions or his pride. Zuko would be broken, but he wouldn't be beautiful. Not anymore.

(And sometimes it's easier to pretend he never was)

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floccinaucinihilipilificationa · 10 months

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#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

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jadequarze · 2 months

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I miss them T^T I miss the blue girlies

#jade draws #critical role #cr2 #critical role fanart #beaujester #jester lavorre #beauregard lionett #please please be respectful under this post. i can read tags remember #im giving cr tumblr one last chance whether or not they can be nice on a cr2 ship #anyway. theyre one of the big reason i got into cr and met long time mutuals who some i consider a friend now #if you followed me since c2 days. you know im fixated over them

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wasyago · 11 months

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the brainrot won

#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff #i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think #ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to #umm. tags.#new life smp #smallishbeans #mythical sausage #geminitay #pearlescentmoon #smajor1995 #inthelittlewood #my art #sketch

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cinna-bunnie · 23 days

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was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!

#throwing knives is so fun...#i do the no spin technique and he was tryna see if i was as accurate by having me move back and he was like ur scary 💀#“you're so accurate and u don't have to calculate the distance for the spin to make it stick‚ u can just go straight for it frm anywhere”#i sure can buddy. I'm gonna get even better at it thanks 👍🏾#briefly considered a foot long throwing spike but feel like i cannot be given that kind of destructive power #i am going to obliterate something that is an outdoors toy 💀#i can make it stick most of the time but we drew little targets and pictures on a board and i could hit the smaller ones w mixed results #i wanna hit bullseye 🎯#my favorite flexes from last night were the times where Id throw the second knife in the same spot as the first n knock the old one down 😈

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yyeojj · 7 months

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Polysho week !! Day 2: arcade !!

#project sekai #prsk fa #emu otori #emu ootori fanart #emu project sekai #prsk art #prsk emu #prsk #prsk nene #prsk tsukasa #prsk rui #rui kamishiro #tsukasa tenma #nene kusanagi #they love each other sm #polysho week 2023 #emunene bring their bfs to the arcade they went last time #long overdue arcade date #please prsk can i have a wxs arcade event

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lunacias · 2 months

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these are the silt verses, and I name our disciples thus

#the silt verses #sister carpenter #brother faulkner #paige duplass #james hayward #not 100% happy with this but I've been working on it for uhh two months and wanted to get it up before the next ep #cannot stress enough this isn't necessarily how i picture these characters but moreso what I can draw LOL #every time I try to conceptualize them it's like trying to look at someone without my glasses #in that i get vague forms etc but nothing concrete #it's weird bc it's like. the more i relisten the less concrete image i have of them /thinks #though I will say i will die on curly haired + freckles faulkner #and I usually picture carpenter with a simple wavy ponytail #also in terms of scars i like the idea of faulkner having a scar on his hand from the glass in the s2 finale #and hayward having a scar on his forehead from hembrey!#also i don't think hayward smokes but i liked how it looked when paired with paige and her alcohol!#also something something he might have tried once to blend in with the other police officers but never took to it #been wanting to draw something for silt verses for forever so!!#edit: added an alt id in the image description!#uploaded this last night and completely forgot to i'm sorry!#pls lmk if it's too long or not really a good description!

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beaulesbian · 23 days

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Lucci Vs. Luffy || One Piece ep. 1100 "I see. This is gonna be fun."

#one piece #one piece spoilers #opgraphics #opedit #onepieceedit #monkey d. luffy #monkey d luffy #luffy #rob lucci #egghead arc #egghead spoilers #op spoilers #gear 5 #sun god nika #mine #gif:op anime #gif:one piece #i just love the gymnastics luffy was using in the first half. the kicks and dodges. really nice to see his fighting style now #tw flashing #tw flashing gif #do you think lucci keeps fighting here luffy bc its just the only time hes doing something to feel actual FUN?#bc it was strictly against his orders to fight luffy bc hes an emperor (and lucci says it like he doesnt see him as emperor.)#but it seems like since the last time they fought he really needs a stupid silly fight with someone to feel something? hmm #the way everyone who fights luffy can still find moments to smile.. he really brings laughter and joy to everyone ;-;#long post

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jimimn · 4 months

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look at how cute 🥺 also look at the hand size difference look at how tiny jimin's hands are compared to seokjinnie's its making me bawl 😭 (cr. namuspromised)

#btsgif #seokjin #jimin #jinmin #bts #userbangtan #btsedit #kim seokjin #park jimin #*#*sj #*jm #*jinmin #soowoozoo dvd #hello happy new year<3.#i finally decided to clean my drafts bless<3 made these last year and never posted them so im gonna post them over the next few days<3.#damn i miss my bts so much:((((.#5 months until seokjin comes back tho!!!!!!!!! can we fast forward time pls the past month felt excruciatingly long 😭😭😭😭😭😭.#scheduled.

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chamerionwrites · 9 months

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Also idk but I feel it is important, for reasons of genre understanding, to recognize that good old fashioned murder is like the least violent thing anybody ever does in a proper spy story

#it's about the CORROSION it's about the INSTRUMENTALIZATION it's about THE PSYCHOLOGICAL BRUTALITY OF PREMEDITATED BETRAYAL #it's about human frailties fed into the engine that creates or sustains systemic power #it's about how you can kill with a pen or a lie or a spreadsheet or a silence #such that by the time actual blood is spilled that's merely the last domino falling in an outcome that's already long foreordained #spies #on writing #my posts

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doodle-ink · 3 months

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The Sun,

The Star,

The Moon,

and Mars…

The beginning of those to come.

AAAAAAAAAA ITS DOOOONNNNEEEE IM SO PROUD OF THIS THING YALL HAVE NO IDEA!!

I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS THING FOR OVER 5

F U C K I N G

M O N T H S.

SO MANY VIDEO ESSAYS…

For those who don’t know what tf this is, it’s a custom gem art I ordered online (with artists permission) like the ones u can get at (insert art store name).

This is also 3ft (97cm) long. For reference on how fucking big this thing is there’s is a picture of me holing it up and last I checked I’m roughy 5’4” (pic at bottom so this post ain’t so fucking long)

But yeah I’m absolutely in love with this and still need to slap some mod podge over this behemoth. My next project is a little more reasonable and I’ve already got permission from a new artist to use her work!

(Also little ittle watchers (read in The Click voice))

This original art was done by @skimmeh (LOOK ITS DONE :D)