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you-know-honey · 6 months

Note

Idk if you write for copia it if ur requests are open but could u write copia x fém!reader where they go ta a bar and they get into an argument or something and reader ses copia kissing some girl or some and reader gets really mad? I hope u get what I mean idk how to explain it

Oh, I think I understand what you're saying, I usually don't write dramas because they get out of hand, but I love tea, so let's spill some on the carpet ;) (I hope you like it even with the slight change, sorry for the delay)

Tower of Cups

Copia x Fém!reader

Resumen: Even nice guys turn into jerks with the right amount of ego.

Word Acount: 5589

Warning: This might hurt your heart, reader.

The lights in your study were the only ones on in that part of the abbey, your index fingers and thumb were red from so many wounds with the needle and you had bled more than once. The moonlight crossed the huge window behind you and distorted your shadow, you sighed tiredly and passed the needle over the beautiful light blue fabric again, you raised your gaze to the photo on the desk and smiled, gaining strength again.

The candle next to the painting showed Copia smiling goofily with a small rat on his shoulder and you giving him a kiss on the cheek, something that made Copia blush, absolutely happy. That motivated you to continue embroidering each of the details by hand, you wanted it to be perfect for your beloved now Papa.

For weeks you had been finishing Copia's second papal suit, every detail counted and you wanted it to be perfect, as he deserved.

You hadn't been able to be present the night he was promoted to Pope, something you clearly regretted. Since that night they had barely seen each other, he spent all his time busy and away from the Minister. That made you sad, you knew that with the new position would come new responsibilities but were there so many that he couldn't stop for even a second?

Several nights you waited for him in his room but he did not arrive, you even baked a cake to celebrate but when it began to dawn you knew that he would not arrive and the rats simply took advantage of it more, they were thin and dirty as if Copia had not fed them for some time . Something strange about him, you wanted to ask him for explanations but the opportunity was never given due to his absence.

That whole situation was breaking your heart, you missed walking through the abbey holding his hand, seeing him try on his suits and looking at him excitedly, playing video games together or simply listening to him practice songs. You missed that sweet man, now you only looked at him through photos and he looked intimidating, like Cardinal he was sweet and tender but like Papa it was as if his sweetness had evaporated. You didn't want to think about everything that had changed but every day it became more obvious the abyss that was beginning to form between the two of you.

You glanced at your phone, 2:15 AM and no message from Copia.

You gave in to fatigue and left the palia on the table with the needle still embedded in the fabric, you grimaced when you saw the damage on your hands, they stung like an open wound. You didn't like this strange silent treatment on Copia's part, the loneliness in the abbey was eating you alive. You were tired of having to wait for him to approach you again, his silly silent treatment had you fed up, if he wanted to avoid you he wasn't going to succeed.

"Because..?" You murmured to the darkness as if it were going to give you the answer. And maybe he did.

The white light and the roar of a car engine cut the raw silence. You knocked over the small wooden bench as you stood up and rushed against the window, a 1933 Bentley parked in the driveway, a ghoul got out of the driver's seat to open the door. You held your breath in your lungs as you grabbed your coat and ran out of your study, jumping the steps three at a time until you reached the first floor and rushed to the door. You exhaled the air, and waited anxiously like a puppy for the door to open.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Asked Sister Imperator, who appeared at the door, she looking really tired.

"Oh I…I thought…it was someone else.." You responded disappointed, you really wanted to see Copia walk through that door but once again he wasn't there. You gave Sister a small bow and stepped aside so she could pass.

The woman walked and she stopped in front of you, letting the cold sneak in a little and chill the inside of your lungs. Looking outside you could see Mountain taking Sister's belongings down and passing them by to take them to the main office and Sodo waiting leaning against the car.

"Were you expecting someone else?" I ask you, with that insightful look.

"Yes…" You sighed, taking some courage from your gut to look the woman in the eyes. "I thought Papa Emeritus IV had arrived. He must be very busy, right?"

"Oh" he laughed a little "Of course, the Clergy has him very busy" you felt like he was laughing at you for your innocence of something you didn't know about. "Well, good night."

Sister placed her hand on your shoulder and gave a light squeeze, then retreated, until all that was left was the echo of her footsteps on the stairs.

You looked back at the car, Sodo was getting into it again, maybe to leave it in the garage. You bit your lower lip indecisively, normally it was necessary to notify each time someone left, you will receive a reprimand for leaving like that but…

"Fuck everything" you clutched your coat to your chest and closed the Minister's doors behind you, hurrying down the small steps to get to the car that was restarting its engine "Sodo!" You knock lightly on the window.

The engine turned off again and the window rolled down, the ghoul had a clear grimace of displeasure. "What?" I ask annoyed.

"Do you know where Copia is?" He sighed and nodded "Would you take me with him?" I asked him in the best tone you could muster in the face of his sour attitude.

"Ha!" He mocked, baring his fangs in a grim smile. "What makes you think I'll take 'overtime' for you?"

"It could be your good deed of the year" his face said it all, it didn't seem like a big deal to him, you cleared your throat you didn't like using blackmail but you really needed to know where he was "If you don't take me to Copia I'll tell him to Sister Imperator about your loving relationship with a certain ghoul" You threatened firmly.

Sodo's back straightened and her mouth fell silent with little "You wouldn't be able to," she spat the words in your face. Baring his fangs just like a predator.

"Try me," you murmured, moving closer to his mask. You kept your gaze steady and as strong as you could.

"Ahg" he complained angrily and hit the steering wheel "Get in at once"

Smiling, you crossed in front of the car and opened the passenger door. "No, no," Sodo said mockingly, your brow furrowed "Your game, my rules," he pointed to the back seats.

"Whatever" you rolled your eyes and pulled the passenger door to open the back one, you sat down and closed the door.

Sodo started the engine again and abruptly turned around and left the Ministry roundabout driving like a maniac, on purpose. He would take you to the place, if you arrived unharmed it was not his problem, plus he was not at all happy to follow orders from someone as low-ranking as you, a simple dressmaker. You hit your head a couple of times against the glass and your face slammed into the seat in front of you. In your mind you couldn't stop cursing Sodo.

Thinking that the place where Copia met with the Clergy must be quite serious, something simple but denoting some importance. But that wasn't what greeted you when Sodo slammed on the brakes.

"You've got to be kidding me…" you mumbled as you looked out the window.

In front of you stood a huge building, the loud music made the windows of the first floor resonate, from the windows of the other floors that you could see, you could see flickering lights and dancing silhouettes, there was a huge line of people waiting to enter, girls with short satin dresses and heels of at least 13 cm. You got out of the car with your mouth open, this was not at all what you expected, a part of you felt anger ¿meetings? yes of course…

Sodo closed the door on his way out and stopped next to you.

"You weren't expecting this, were you?" He asked, the situation made him laugh.

"Not at all," you pressed your jacket closer to your body, feeling the judgmental gaze of some of the girls.

"Do you still want to come in?" Sodo ask you.

"Yes" you had many questions that had to be answered that same night or you would go crazy.

"Good"

Sodo took your wrist and made his way with surprising agility through the people, some were clearly complaining but no one stopped them, they reached the door and the security guard quickly recognized the demon.

"And her?" I ask as I see you become symbolically small after Sodo.

"She is a guest of Pope Emeritus IV." Sodo clarified, the guard hesitated for a few seconds but finally opened the door for them.

You wouldn't be lying if you said that you almost vomited upon entering, the air was intoxicated with cigarette smoke and marijuana, the music didn't let you hear your own thoughts, many bodies out of nowhere were rubbing against you and the flashes of light hurt your eyes too much. Sodo held her grip on your wrist as he walked through the horny crowd.

You didn't understand why Copia, your dear Copia would be in a place like that, he hated parties, he was a man of movies and blankets, who preferred to play with his tricycle before having a fairly formal dinner. This was not a place where the Copia you knew would want to spend his nights. What about his rats? From walks through the abbey? What about you, did he leave you because of all this?

Sodo takes you to the elevator, where there is a suspicious puddle of 'water' and some red panties, both of you avoid the puddle and personally avoid touching any part of the elevator.

"What is he doing here…" a bad feeling begins to bite your heart.

"I don't know, since he became Pope he's been here" Sodo responds, you hadn't asked expecting an answer but that only fueled your uncertainty.

Sodo marked the last floor, the doors closed and the music finally stopped being so loud, that was like a respite for you, as you passed through each floor you could hear different types of music and quite private sounds. You were absolutely uncomfortable with the whole situation but you still couldn't stop thinking about Copia, would he be as uncomfortable as you here?

On the top floor there was nothing but soft music and the murmur of many people, when the doors opened and all eyes fell on you and your outfit, so inelegant and in keeping with the situation, you stood out and not in a good way. The men in suits looked you up and down with disgust and the girls in tiny scraps of clothing that left nothing to the imagination whispered about you shamelessly.

No one asked questions, since I was accompanied by a ghoul, everyone thought that even though you were dressed terribly, you knew what was happening. Clear mistake.

"Okay, I'll leave you here" Sodo responded pushing you out of the elevator. "I'll wait for you in the car."

"No! Wait-" You turned quickly but it was too late, the doors had already closed and the screen above them indicated that it had started to go down. You turned around again, facing the situation, everyone had continued with their thing.

You took a long breath and began the search, shyly you made your way through the people, you felt some hands touch your butt and even squeeze it, you held back a scream so as not to make a fuss, reminding yourself that you were there for one reason only. The mixture of perfumes was beginning to overwhelm you, some strong, others sweet, you looked at a dark area, few people were there, there were tables with small desserts and a tower of wine glasses, you mixed with the people again and you arrived. You sighed, the search was resulting in failure but you didn't want to stop.

"Oh…dolcezza…" You heard someone sigh, you knew that voice, it was unmistakable in your head and that nickname…Copia used to call you that, but now you heard it in a dirty and erotic way.

You turned instinctively, between the small space that there was between one glass on the other you saw him, the most unmistakable man, his arms, his hair, his legs, his voice… You simply drowned out the worst scream of your life, your lips showed a grimace of pain and disappointment, the bad feeling was true and tore off a piece of your heart, mocking your foolish innocence, the air was beginning to run out of your lungs, your hands began to sweat and tremble. You wanted to become as small as an atom and simply disappear, but a first glance was not enough, your mind denied that that man was Copia.

Behind the wine glasses were small 'privates', rooms with comfortable velvet seats, dim lights and translucent curtains. Sitting in those comfortable seats was Copia, with his legs extended and his white silk shirt open, his chest stained with kiss marks from red lipstick, taking a little from the wine glass in his hand…as if he were the damned boss of the place. Your gaze went up to her face and the image broke your heart, you had to put your hand to your chest to make sure you were alive.

Copia's hair was messy, the makeup on his face was stained with red lipstick, including his lips as well. Oh sure, let's not forget about them, the same lips that had whispered romantic poems to you at night were now literally devoured in a fierce and passionate kiss with a half-naked girl who grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, surely to take him to more intimate terrain, he didn't seem upset or surprised or disgusted, he wanted her too, you could see the same carnal desire in his eyes as in hers.

Your stomach turned, determined to get out everything it had in it, your mind was broken looking for excuses for what you saw and your heart just kept bleeding in front of everyone. You ran a hand through your hair, that whole situation was too much for you, it drowned you like a stormy sea, the tears came out of your eyes without stopping and cut your cheeks like razors, then something saved you, the only feeling that can help a person broken heart, the only feeling that is stronger than love. The wrath.

Your face changed completely, it hardened, you wanted to see how much of a 'boss' he was in front of you. You raised your leg and pushed the table on which the wine glasses rested, as was logical the table overturned and each of the glasses crashed on the floor, shattering and spilling their contents on your targets.

The noise caught the attention of everyone who turned to look at you, not understanding what the hell was happening. The girl on Copia's lips walked away exalted and screamed in surprise, both were covered in wine and this did not please Pope IV at all.

"Who the fuck did this?!" He exclaimed, standing up annoyed, you laughed, as if he could hurt anyone.

"I did it, cause any problems Papa Emeritus IV ?" you uttered with complete confidence, arms crossed.

“Y-Y/N” he stuttered, your name in his mouth sounded like an insult, it was no longer worth saying. He froze in her place, completely pale, the same color as the white of her makeup, you saw his Adam's apple rise. He looked like a child who had been caught in a mischief. With the difference that he was a man and his 'mischief' had a name and maybe 20 years younger than him. "Wha-what are you doing here?" He tried to get closer but the step back you took made it clear that you didn't want him close.

You held your tears in your chest, if anyone was going to be ridiculed it wouldn't be you "I just wanted to know where you were spending your 'busy' nights. I guess you were having a great time with the paperwork" you looked at the girl behind him, your anger not it was with her, but you couldn't help but feel some resentment.

"You shouldn't be here, this isn't a place for girls like you." Copia tried to get closer but the disgust and disappointment in your gaze froze him.

You had never looked at him that way, from below, with that distance in your gaze. He had opened a chasm between them now.

You were amazed by the coldness with which he said those words, as if you were his subordinate. "You're right, I shouldn't be here. I've already seen everything I had to see… Have fun." All the eyes on you were beginning to bother you and as you watched the scene your strength began to diminish.

You turned on your feet without saying anything hugging yourself, the crowd made way for you towards the elevator. You didn't feel yourself, as if this were just a cruel scene from a movie, as if nothing were real, but the image of Copia's lips on that girl's made fun of all the beautiful moments they had had together and buried the razor of deepest pain in your chest. The doors and the splash under your shoes brought you back to reality, it was then, in the semi-solitude of that elevator that you overflowed, the tears continued to come and moans of pain pushed your lips, you shook your head, you wished everything was false.

He could hear the blood circulating through his body, frozen in place, he felt unable to look up, his nails were digging into the palms of his hands.

The night had started well. He felt like he had the world at his feet, he had seen Primo, Secondo and Terzo come to this place and be praised like gods, respected like true eminences. He had seen a pretty girl and felt all the security in the world to approach and ask to spend the night with her, he wasn't going to go beyond kissing, it's not like he had experience in the most private sphere, he had been flirting with girls all these days and he felt like he was on top of everyone in that place.

But seeing you there… seeing your face of disappointment, of horror… he felt dirty, like a really disgusting object, just another ordinary man, one of the same men you complained about when watching movies together. The kind of man he promised not to become.

"I wish there were more men like your Copia" he remembered that you told him "sweet and really good. Totally my type" at that moment you kissed him, it was technically his first serious kiss, he remembered your look, full of love and sweetness, as if you were looking an angel or the most beautiful being on earth.

But tonight he had ruined everything, he had become an idiot that you used to complain about and that you used to hate… Did you hate him now? What a fool. Of course you hated him now!

He came back to reality, the girl he was with was gone and people were just looking at him like he was crazy. He closed his shirt as if he had some modesty, it was sticky and completely ruined from the wine.

He wanted to excuse himself, to tell you some lie, something that would make you not look at him like you did, not talk to him like you did, he wanted everything to go back to normal, when you both spent time together and he received nothing from you other than affectionate kisses, smiles and charming looks. If I hadn't been avoiding you for being so immersed in those silly and pathetic power fantasy this would never have happened and I knew it. I didn't want to lose you. He knew that no one in the world apart from you would be able to truly love him, the universe had made it known to him millions of times.

He ran to the elevator but it had been called on another floor.

"Merda!" He said frustrated and ran towards the emergency stairs.

You made your way through the crowd, concentrating on one thing: getting out of that place as quickly as you could. When you opened the door, a pouring rain greeted you, Sodo was inside the car, he smiled at you but that didn't last long when he saw your distressed appearance, he quickly got out and approached you, you were pale and cold the touch as if you had received a stab.

"Damn, what happened?" He covered you with her jacket as they ran to the car, opened the passenger door and watched you get in, when he closed the door the tears came harder.

“Let's go home,” your tone was clearly distressed and brittle.

"By Satan, what did you see, girl?" She asked, he had never seen you in such a sorry state, your aura was crazy and it disturbed him. Someone had caused you extreme harm, to the point of hurting your soul.

"Sodo, I saw everything had to see." your voice wavered and you gripped the head of the seat in front of you, your body writhing in spasms, similar to physical pain. "Damn it, just drive!"

Sodo remained silent, you had never yelled at him, not even when you were upset, nothing compared to your current state. He recognized and started the engine, if you had a seizure he didn't want it to happen in the car. Unlike when he took you to the place, now he was driving carefully, fast, but at least this time your head didn't hit the glass. When you arrived at the Ministry, he couldn't even open the door, you did it yourself and ran in, your tears mixing with the thick raindrops.

He wanted to go after you, make sure you were okay, but at the end of the day he was a demon and helping you shouldn't be any of his business. Somewhat annoyed, Sodo took the car to the garage.

You closed the door tightly behind you, you thought about going to your room and crying and suffering covered with your blanket, but if Copia arrived it would be the first place he would look for you, if he did, you wanted him to do it. Then you hid in your study, it was the same as when you left it. The moon illuminated the mannequin with the suit that you had made with so much love and care for Copia, you walked towards the mannequin and simply collapsed on the floor, dragging with you the canopy that you had embroidered, you pressed it against your chest without worrying if the needle would break embedded in you, you simply cried as if your limbs were torn off part by part, you screamed as if your soul was tortured in heaven, you begged to wake up from that bad dream.

Because that man, the man you saw kissing another woman, the man who had cheated on you, that couldn't be Copia. You couldn't have fallen so deeply in love with someone like that, no, you refused to believe it.

But at the same time the evidence was there, you had seen it yourself, your dignity mocked you, on the ground and totally destroyed by a man. The one you thought would be the love of your life.

You stood up, dizzy and catching your breath. Your tears had stained the palia, you threw it as if it burned your hands, you looked at the mannequin, as if Copia was in front of you, you couldn't handle that, your studio was full of photos together, the mirror, your laptop, shit in damn wallpaper on your phone, you pulled the papal suit off the mannequin and crumpled it in your hand, instinctively grabbing a pair of scissors and bringing them closer to the suit.

"Shit!" You stopped. Even with what he had done you couldn't help but worry about him, your heart was still touched by the memory of how excited you knew he would have been when he saw the suit…now that beautiful feeling made you sick and you denied it. this at all costs. You threw the scissors on the ground, you hated yourself because deep down you loved him, the wound was recent but you still couldn't, you didn't feel capable of harming the things he loved, just as he hurt you, who he always said he loved.

"I can't stand this…" more tears flowed down your face, you walked over to the desk and grabbed a piece of paper, you traced word after word "I can't stay here" You continued writing as you cradled the suit he would once wear against your chest. The now worst love of your life.

He came running to the Ministry, completely soaked, his makeup disgustingly smeared all over his face, scared and agitated.

He climbed the stairs as fast as he could, one after the other and opened the door to your room, empty. The room was as always.

"Fuck!" He slammed the door shut “Y/N!” scream with despair "Y/N! Where are you? I promise, please listen to me!" I beg loudly through the hallway. His eyes looked everywhere nervously in search of the slightest sign of your presence. Then he remembered your study, the place where you both hid when your responsibilities overwhelmed you and you wanted to relax.

You heard the desperate running of shoes in the hallway behind your door, a chill ran through you completely. It was him, you were sure. You felt like easy prey for a slasher. You signed on the paper and folded it clumsily, turning in time to watch your door open violently and him, breathing hard, still holding the door with his hand, water dripping onto the floor and the black from his eyes sliding down his face.

"Y/N" he mentioned, catching his breath.

In other circumstances, seeing him like this, you would rush to help him, look for a dry towel, clean clothes, tea and makeup remover, you still wanted to do that. But the pain of betrayal numbed that affection.

You took the letter and stood up and walked slowly, he seemed amazed to now be you the one to approach him, Copia expected anything, screams, hits, something that she knew she deserved but that never came. He hated herself for having hurt you that way, your eyes were swollen and redder than ever, were glassy and your lips trembled in a sad grimace.

You shoved the papal suit and the letter against his chest, some resentment in the action. Your face hardened and you passed him by, you really felt faint but you didn't want him to know that he had hurt you so much.

"What..?" Copia uttered to himself.

"It was for you, both things are for you" you said turning your back to him, taking short, weak steps far away from him.

He quickly looked at the bundle of fabric and found a beautiful papal suit, his favorite colors were there, the embroidery was half finished but it promised a lot.

"You made it for me?" He asked, he felt even more of an idiot now than before, you working late on a suit for him and him, being rubbish around others.

"It was going to be your gift for becoming Papa. Congratulations by the way." You said bitterly and quickened your pace.

Copia quickly walked behind you as he opened the letter, then he saw the huge title that said 'Resignation' his legs gave out in surprise and he fell to his knees to the ground. The noise scared you so you turned to see the scene.

"No no no!" He shouted as he crawled towards you, stumbling sometimes over the papal cloth out of desperation, his voice was a plea "Don't leave me, don't do it. For Satan's sake, don't leave me alone, no, no, no" you were surprised, you had never done that before.He took advantage of the fact that you were stunned and took your hands in his that were trembling and were cold, he let his forehead fall on your hands "Hit me. Do it, hit me! Scream at me, do whatever you want with me but don't leave me, don't go. …I love you! I love you…" he told you between scandalous cries, opening his arms ready to receive a blow.

For a second you thought, he would have deserved it, but you wouldn't, you couldn't, you could never hurt him, not even when he did it first.

"Copia-" he didn't let you continue.

"Punish me, humiliate me if that's what you want. Please do something! Hate me, torture me with your resentment for the rest of my life! But don't leave her, I beg you, I beg you… don't leave me" he bowed in a full bow, placing his lips on the toes of your dirty shoes.

You didn't expect to see him like that, for he to act like that, under that desperation.

"I ruined everything, I know! Let me fix it. I'm not like the men you hate, I'll change, I'll do what you tell me to go back to being like before…happy"

You stopped him there, you couldn't see him humiliating himself before you like that, no matter how much he deserved it. You knew your heart, you would never be happy like before, because it doesn't matter if you fix a broken mirror, every time you look at your reflection you will see that the wounds are still there.

"Enough…" He can't hear you "Copia stop!" You shouted, grabbing and lifting his face with your hands. "Nothing will ever be the same again." You made it clear "You broke my heart! You cheated on me with every girl you ever crossed paths with, why?" you reproached him.

"I don't know…" huge tears fell from his cheeks, you hated seeing him cry but he deserved it.

"You don't know? I do know," you pushed him with your index finger. "Because you wanted to feel powerful, right? Like Secondo or Terzo. You ascend and then one woman wasn't enough for you."

"I… I'm sorry…" he murmured in a low voice before breaking down into more tears and clung to your torso "I change, I swear…"

"I don't believe you. That's the problem… I DON'T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE" you took a step back, hugging yourself, you couldn't give in, although her touch and attitude made you doubt, the decision was made. "You're a fucking liar! Just like everyone else! An idiot, I'm not going to forgive you, I never would, you took my heart and my love for you and used it to enhance your stupid ego. Just like Terzo, Secondo and Primo. Just like Your father, you are just like him… A DAMN TRAITOR" Your words pierced him like daggers, wounding him to death, he remembered how his mother (Sister Imperator) cried every night next to his bed for his father. He had sworn never to be like that and now… he had hurt the woman he loved, the only person who had looked at him with pure love, knew that you were not like his mother, you would not stay.

"No…please…Y/N…please…" his voice was broken and you couldn't do anything but cry, he begged you, crawling close to you but you walked away as if it were a dog. "Forgive me."

"No, Copia I can't anymore…" you told him and you started crying again, you wanted to hug him, stay and just forget. But your heart would never do it. Someone would love him more than you, make him smile more than you and he would be the perfect man, but that was not your place. Not when he had ripped out your heart and trampled on your trust. "I'll leave tomorrow…Goodbye Copia"

"No no! I beg you…"you just couldn't stand it and you started running, away from him you heard his screams, his pleas for you to come back, his heartbreaking cries and what he called for you, broken.

He was alone in the hallway, clinging to the last thing he had from you, a suit and a letter. A photo slipped out of it that he had not seen when he opened it and seeing it destroyed him even more. It was when he was a Cardinal, with a rat on his shoulder and you giving him a kiss on his cheek, you had written some words back then.

'First photo with the love of my life. I love you C' and the date two years before, when the beautiful story had begun.

He pressed her against her chest until she wrinkled and covered her with tears. "I love you…"

...The End...

I hope you liked it, especially you, girl who requested it. I think it's obvious that the drama got out of hand, mercy please. This is my first time fulfilling a request.

#sodomizer ghoul #the band ghost #sodo ghoul #copia #cardinal copia #papa emeritus iv #copia x reader #ghost copia #ghost band #dewdrop ghost #copia emeritus #papa copia #angst #sad things #cry #copia ANGST #just pain #no happy endings

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internetgremlin-writes · 2 years

Note

For Prompt Night: Charles Xavier x fem!Reader with Prompt #118: “this isn’t adrenaline, i want to spend my life with you.”

118 - "This isn't adrenaline, I want to spend my life with you"

HELLO!! I was wondering (& hoping) to see your name tonight :))

Warnings: She's actually writing Charles X content without porn?? Absolutely shocking. Uh no, no smut here, just fluff and post-Cuba content. Actually, this got way angstier than I was expecting (oops, pls feel free to request more if it's too sad)

As per usual with Charles fics, telepathic conversations are in italics.

Prompt night info and list to request a ficlet/HCs yourself here!

You were still shaking, over 24 hours after it had happened. You'd not been able to see him initially, the hospital admitting you also. You'd insisted you were fine, but the second they put you in a warm blanket and began to give you some fluids to treat you for shock, you realised very quickly that you were not fine, and you'd all but blacked out in the uncomfortable bed.

Luckily for you, your injuries were purely superficial and the sleep had been enough to see you fit enough for discharge.

Not like him.

When you found out he was still unconscious you thought you were going to be sick. They were scanning him every couple of hours, planning and cancelling and re-planning surgeries multiple times a day.

You didn't go home, you couldn't. You wouldn't shower, and you wouldn't eat unless the nurses came in and forced you to have a tray of the bland hospital mush. You sat in the chair beside his bed, still in the now ratty and dirty yellow-and-black suit you'd worn on the beach. The sand trapped in it was rubbing your skin raw in places but you couldn't really feel it. You just sat there, shaking, as you watched him lie so still.

Charles was never still. For as long as you'd known him, he did not sit still. He fidgeted, he got up and walked around, he was checking something or looking for his pen or making sure that everyone else around him was okay. His mind was too busy for a man to sit still. It was one of the many, many things you adored about him.

Charles Xavier and his stupid big heart.

It was the main reason you were in the situation you were currently in. Because stupid Charles and his stupid heart wanted to trust Erik. And all Erik wanted was blood. Any like, any respect, any anything, you'd once felt for Erik was gone. He'd done this to Charles, your Charles. He'd put him in this ugly bed with the thin sheets and the gown that made him look white as a ghost. He was the reason your Charles was laid with his black hair fanned out, hands peacefully crossed over each other, breathing so slowly that you'd burst into hysterics believing he was dead and it had taken a nurse and several sweet teas to calm you down.

If you ever saw Erik Lensherr again you'd kill him. There was no doubt about it in your mind.

You were sleeping when it happened. At first, it felt like an itch, right at the back of your head, but you recognised it instantly.

"Y/N," The voice rang in your head clear as day, a familiar weight settling into the back of your head that you hadn't realised just how much you'd missed.

You couldn't reply, because once again you were trembling and crying. Because he was alive. Nothing else mattered.

"Ow," that time it was out loud. The accent was distinctly his, but his voice was raspy from lack of use. "Dear, can you bring me a cup of water, please?" If you could have, you would, but you were currently consumed in delayed panic, the thought that he'd died so real and so fresh that it was all you could think of. You just about managed to ring the bell for the nurse before you completely collapsed.

You had to be taken out of the room for a moment for the doctors to assess Charles and for you to calm down, although that temporarily sent you further over the edge and you had to be handed a brown paper bag to breathe in. You couldn't shake the fear that was gripping you, you were completely consumed by the concept that he'd died. You didn't understand why because you'd seen him wake up, but it wasn't enough. You wouldn't believe anyone until you could touch him.

You were forced to wait an hour before you could see him. They were explaining to extent of his injuries to him, and a nurse was trying to do the same for you. You'd managed to understand and grasp onto the word paralysed, but you were in no state to process any further information. You didn't care about long term care plans, not right then.

And then you were allowed to see him.

And he was sat up, cheeks flushed once more and ruddy smile back in place and he was alive.

"Hello, Love," you nearly fell to the floor in tears again, but he was holding his hand out for you and you managed to reach out to touch him and god, he was warm and real and alive and that was enough. You threw your arms around his neck and sobbed freely into his shoulder.

Charles couldn't seem to form the words either, because although he was holding you tightly, he was whispering sweet nothings and soothing words directly into your mind.

When you finally pulled away he was wiping your tears and you were wiping his and it was a total mess, completed with a salty, wet kiss.

"I thought I lost you," was all you managed to wimper, your hands scrabbling for purchase against his skin. It wasn't sexual, you just needed to feel him. He was nodding against your skin, also clamouring for the contact.

"I know, love, I know,"

"I didn't know what I'd do-" you trailed off, unable to continue as you kissed him deeply once more.

"Let's get married,"

"No,"

"No?" You stared at him, and for a second it felt like he'd died all over again.

"No, you don't want to marry me, Y/N," you were shaking your head, tears now falling silently, gripping onto his hands as if he was going to slip through your fingers once more. "Listen to me, I love you, I love you more than you can possibly comprehend. But you don't want to marry me,"

"I do,"

"Y/N, you're in shock. That was deeply traumatic, look at you, this is just adrenaline, okay? It's relief,"

"No,"

"Yes. Look at me, I'm paralysed. I can't walk, I can't do a lot of things. I'm a burden now, and you're not to take responsibility for me, because you made a promise when you were in shock or otherwise, understand?"

You didn't understand. Charles was a constant in your life. You'd never really thought about marriage or commitments in the long term until he'd been shot in front of your eyes. You didn't realise that your entire life felt meaningless the second he wasn't in it until he wasn't in it.

You left the conversation for a few months. Giving Charles and yourself the time you needed to heal and recover. There were a lot of adaptations to be made, and lots to learn about Charles' new body. The one constant through the whole thing was that you'd not changed your mind, even for a fraction of a second.

You were laid in bed, your head on his chest as you listened to him talk you through his plans for the new school. It was the first time you'd heard the pain completely leave his voice, filled only with excitement for the future he was building for his world. He paused to look down at you for a second.

"It wasn't adrenaline, I want to spend my life with you,"

There was a pregnant pause in the air

"I know,"

#i love charles pain #1.3k prompt night #charles xavier #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier imagine #james mcavoy #james mcavoy imagine #NOT smut #just pain #angsty like my soul #marvel #x men #erik lehnsherr #x men first class #x men days of future past

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weakherodiaries · 8 months

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OH MY GOD NO NO NO NO NO NO WHY WHY WHY WHY

#weak hero #weak hero webtoon #no context #just pain #tw caps #tw flashing gif

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furiousgoldfish · 2 years

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Symptoms of grief:

feeling a heavy weight in your body pulling you to the ground

only being able to move slowly, not having any energy to move fast

feeling numb, emotionless, uncaring, stone-cold or deeply sad

feeling like nothing in the world matters and nothing is worth doing

not having any interest in activities that take any energy

finding other people tiring, and interactions exhausting

clinging to anything old, familiar, nostalgic, and comforting

wanting a distraction, but also feeling like nothing can distract you enough

over-indulging in distracting activities like video games, tv shows, internet

not being able to find words to express what you’re going thru, feeling like nobody could possibly understand or empathize

not wanting to see or talk to other people, wanting to be alone, but also longing for comfort and familiarity

doing anything is very tiring and you wish you could only lie down forever

not wanting to eat, or alternatively, always wanting to eat

craving mostly comfort food, things you’ve had in some period in your past, or sweets, fast food, anything that brings you a little comfort

losing control over your diet, not being able to care about what you’re eating

feeling like this feeling will never end, feeling like you should be over it already

having surges of memories, some of them painful, some of them made painful by the fact that they’re in the past, unchangeable, unrepeatable

feeling physical pain in the area of your chest, back, stomach, shoulders, if a particularly painful memory is touched or triggered

wishing you could stop feeling and re-experiencing past moments

feeling like you’re never going to be happy again

feeling like you’re dying

#grief #mourning #trauma #cptsd #symptoms #sadness #mourning is a part of trauma #it can last for a long time #and be so powerful it overrides all your other symptoms #for stretches of time you might feel nothing but grief and sadness #not even fear or anger #just pain

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jollyreginaldrancher · 7 months

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#TW: BLOOD #TW:GORE #yellowjackets #my babies #text posts #yellowjackets text posts #mine #Mari Yellowjackets #Laura Lee Yellowjackets #Coach Ben Scott #Natalie Scatorccio #Shauna Shipman #Jackie Taylor #Van Palmer #Taissa Turner #A surprising lack of Misty #We're Quigless today fellas #No ships today #just pain

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nalyra-dreaming · 17 days

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A void for my heart

(3389 words) by Nalyra Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Interview with the Vampire (TV 2022), Vampire Chronicles Series - Anne Rice Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Lestat de Lioncourt/Louis de Pointe du Lac, Armand/Louis de Pointe du Lac Characters: Louis de Pointe du Lac, Lestat de Lioncourt, Armand (Vampire Chronicles)

Additional Tags: Possibly fitting at the end of s2, First time I love you, Louis suffers in Lestat's absence, Blink and you miss him Armand there, Prompt Fic, Angst and Feels

Series: Part 11 of Little drinks

Summary:

The need to say the words is always there. They stifle him, at times. They need to mean something. They need to mean everything. And the absence of him feels like a void, in his heart.

___________

Written for a prompt, it just clicked into place together, despite this being a shorter one.

Still, I hope you like, there might be another one a bit later building on this. :)

#if you need a little bit of pain today this might be it #just pain #angst and feelings #iwtv fic #my fic #vc fic #vampire chronicles fic #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat

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livelovecaliforniadreams · 11 months

Photo

#they better get that happy ending or i will riot #i swear #sobbing #bawling my eyes out #they were so happy and then #just pain #nancy drew #ace x nancy #nancy x ace #alex saxon #kennedy mcmann #gif #gifs #gifset #4x3 #nace #naceedit #naceedits

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anfieldroad · 16 days

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it pains me to give up but it pains me to have hope… are we cooked guys?

#just pain #liverpool fc

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strykno · 2 months

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Enough time have passed... So let's talk about this panel. Oda why the fuck did you erased her with no reason and didn't answer why she was not here. Like what the hell why is this a thing, Oda if I catch you ‼️

Nevers forgetting Oda for not letting me see her as a cheerleader !!! And I swear if this also happen during the cultural festival...

#komi can't communicate #komi san wa komyushou desu #sukida lily #random thoughts #Oda if I watch you #just pain #i'm mad

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lemonluvgirl · 10 months

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Drinking Games

Ok, so this is a hard one and I think it will be very apparent to all who read why I decided to not include it in the story. Set in the Golden Cages universe after Katniss' rescue. It begins with the idea of everyone discussing what age they lost their virginity. They are sitting around, drinking some contraband liquor they found and just shooting the shit. But then hijacked Katniss decides to come out and play!

It's just 100% angst and heartbreak. But also drama. SO MUCH DRAMA.

trigger warnings for mentions of loss of virginity, brain-washing, mind tricks, and really f*cked up situations.

“Fine. 18. District 12. Victor’s Village.”

“Better late than never!”

“Must have been true love, if you waited that long.”

They pass me the bottle, I stare at it dumbly.

I feel a hollow pain, like something sharp rattling around in my empty chest at this comment. For a moment I can’t decide whether I want to drink from it or not anymore.

But then I think of the horrors of the day, the perils in the future. And the only thing I am certain of is that whatever the future holds, I will never have a night like that night she climbed in my window again. She and I are broken beyond repair. And all I want is to forget. So I take a big swig and try not to cough as the liquor burns through me on the way down.

Despite my efforts though, I do cough, right at the very end. And I wait for them to start teasing and cracking jokes, but everyone is suddenly quiet. I look around and see their eyes glued to a spot almost directly behind me, a little to my right. And I feel her presence a split second before I hear her voice.

“Same.” She says as she takes a seat a few spaces down from me. “At least I think so. I guess I don’t know. I was hoping someone could vouch for me, my memory being what it is.” She adds as an afterthought. Then she cocks her head towards me, staring directly into my eyes, and blinks at me, emotionlessly. Waiting for me to agree or contradict her. But I’m so startled by her sudden appearance, I can’t speak.

“I guess that’s a no. So, it was you then?” She comments without concern, as she swivels her head in Gale’s direction. Their eyes meet, and he stares at her incredulously.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. How can you not remember anything about that at all?” He replies in a flabbergasted manner after she continues to stare at him expectantly.

She widens her eyes in what can only be described as cold calculation and then pins him with a sardonic smirk.

“The problem isn’t that I don’t remember anything at all. It's the opposite. There are about a dozen different versions in my head that all contradict each other. Sometimes it's you. Sometimes it's him,” She cocks her head over in my direction but doesn’t look at me, “Sometimes it's even him.” She says in an amused voice and she looks over at Deen.

Deen looks like he’s going to be sick. Gale’s eyes narrowed at her harshly. I feel dreadfully numb. What the hell is she thinking, talking about all this so openly? No one else mentioned specifics. No one else was bringing faces and names into this. The atmosphere shifts, completely, to a darker, more unbelievably horrific tone.

“They liked messing with that memory. Picked it apart until the pieces were so tiny they blew away like dust in the wind. The overall theme I believe was that I had some kind of incest fetish.” She says as she laughs darkly, so coldly it sends a shiver down my spine. Who the hell is this woman? The feeling of sitting next to a stranger who wore the face of the girl I had loved all my life came back then. I was consumed by the surreal horror of it.

“You know, the whole cousin thing.” She tells Gale with a pointed look. “Then the surrogate brother,” She elaborated as she looked over at Deen again who now seems to have gotten over being nauseated and moved on to being pissed. But he wasn’t looking at her, he was staring straight at the ground with such a furious gaze.

“Then of course they tried to make some connection between the blond hair and blue eyes he and my sister share. The implication being I wanted to sleep with my own flesh and blood sister and used a substitute.” She says as she glances at me quickly. And my numbness rushes away and is replaced by instant revulsion so strong I have to fight hard against the compulsion to regurgitate. Her sister? Prim? They had tried to taint the memory of her love for Prim.

I felt sick, so disgusted by this entire conversation. But she seemed completely unfazed, and unconcerned with how uncomfortable she was making everyone feel.

“So, what do we do here? Compare dates and times?” She says in a joking voice, but it's obvious no one finds this funny. She laughs anyway. Then Deen is on his feet in a flash, with burning anger in his eyes as he locks gazes at her. But when he speaks he doesn’t yell. He talks slowly and enunciates every word.

“No. Never. Not once. Not even close. We were never like that. You were never like that, do you hear me? Fuck those pricks! I hope they all rot in hell!” He says finally raising his voice to a shout, and he looks in the direction of the faraway Capitol. He breathes harshly for a minute, before stalking off towards the woods.

Everything is quiet, in the wake of Deen’s angry confession. There is a brief flicker that could pass for relief that rushes across her face as she watches Deen’s back retreat farther into the forest. But then it's gone and she’s turning back to Gale.

“One down, two to go. Care to weigh in?” She asks him in an eerily blank manner. Her face is devoid of emotion again. It's painful, how cold she sounds, how unimportant it seems to her. She could be asking about the weather or what he had for lunch.

He stares at her, hard for almost a full minute. And there is such a fit of resentful anger in his gaze, bordering on hatred. But she seems completely unfazed by it. She just waits for his reply patiently.

“You sure you wanna do this now? Like this?” He asks her, in a cold detached voice.

She nods. “I’m getting tired of trying to figure it out on my own.”

“Fine.” He says through gritted teeth. Then he mimics her head cocking gesture in the direction Deen took off in. “Same. I don’t know what the hell they did to you. I have no idea how they could change any one person so much. But he was right. You were never like this. I can count on one hand the number of times you and I kissed in the seven years we knew each other. That’s not some lie to make you feel better or to save you or anyone from feeling uncomfortable. It's just the damn truth. And you know what else is the truth? This is not you!”

“And who gets to decide that? You?” She replies with a laugh. It's bitter and mocking. His nostrils flare, and he opens his mouth to say something but then thinks better of it. He closes his mouth, shakes his head at her, and holds his hand out to Joanna for the other bottle.

“Mind if I borrow that?” He asks.

“Go ahead. I’d say you earned it.” She says quietly and passes him the bottle.

“Thanks.” He mutters and stomps off in the direction that Deen left.

I barely have a second to digest what just happened, and what Gale said, had they only kissed a handful of times? Before she zeros in on me.

“I guess we’re down to you by process of elimination.” She says as she looks at me. Her gaze is so hollow, so empty it doesn’t even contain sadness or humiliation or anger. She’s just….blank.

“I guess.” I finally say, not knowing what the hell she wants me to say exactly. She couldn’t want a play-by-play, could she?

She leaned back as if assessing me. And drummed her fingers on her knee. The icy look in her eyes made my skin crawl.

“Well, you gonna cop to it or what?”

I let out a startled laugh, shocked at her words, at her cavalier attitude. Even Joanna wasn’t this emotionless about sex. Joanna at least talked with a wicked gleam in her eye or an impish smile. But...there was nothing underneath Katniss’ gaze.

And it makes me...hate her. I genuinely, really, hate her, for the first time. Here she was putting our private lives on display again. Dredging up the past, making me and Gale and even Deen seem like interchangeable pegs. I knew that it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t remember what happened. I knew she must somewhere, somehow underneath that mile-thick cold exterior, feel some kind of loss, some kind of pain. Yet, I hated her anyway. For taking this precious thing, this moment and memory that meant more to me, than I could even describe, and cheapening it. Ruining it, with her brash questions and her nonchalant attitude, and her fucking despicable apathy.

“Sure. You want details?” I ask her, anger fully setting in now. She nods. I pointed an accusatory finger at the middle of her chest.

“18. Victor’s village. October 29th, 11 pm. My house. My bed. There was a half moon that night. You climbed in my window. You wore dark blue flannel pajamas, with little white buttons on them. You said you wanted to talk, to apologize for being such a shitty friend. I didn’t want to hear it. I tried to kick you out. You wouldn’t leave. You told me you were sorry for lying to me for so long-”

“What was I lying about?”

“Everything just about. You were never straight with me about what you had with Gale, or how you felt after the Games or any of it. You especially weren't honest about how much you wanted me, and for how long. Almost as much as I wanted you. That’s how it finally happened. Only because for once, you lowered yourself enough to my level to tell me the truth. And like a pathetic idiot, I jumped at the first fucking sign of recognition from you. God. Even now, everything is still on your terms. Always on your fucking terms. And it always will be, except now there’s not even a chance. There’s no way in hell we’ll ever even be friends is there?”

She stares at me, with such an unreadable expression. It makes me feel like someone turned on a paper shredder and started to feed my heart into it.

“Don’t worry about answering that. That’s one thing they didn’t change. Even after all they did to try and erase you, they couldn’t change that. Katniss Everdeen never fails rip out my fucking heart every time she has the chance.” I slam the bottle down in front of her and she flinches, just barely.

But her face is still unreadable. It's like I didn’t even speak. I get up, as quickly as I can and start walking as fast as I can. Just wanting, needing to get away from her empty grey eyes. But I know I can’t escape them. They’ll just find me in my dreams. She always finds me. Still, I try to outrun the overwhelming despair that is close on my heels as I leave, not looking back.

#golden cages #thg #fanfiction #everlark fanfiction #angst #hurt #no comfort #just pain #ouch #lemonluvwrites

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