#not even fear or anger
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Symptoms of grief:
feeling a heavy weight in your body pulling you to the ground
only being able to move slowly, not having any energy to move fast
feeling numb, emotionless, uncaring, stone-cold or deeply sad
feeling like nothing in the world matters and nothing is worth doing
not having any interest in activities that take any energy
finding other people tiring, and interactions exhausting
clinging to anything old, familiar, nostalgic, and comforting
wanting a distraction, but also feeling like nothing can distract you enough
over-indulging in distracting activities like video games, tv shows, internet
not being able to find words to express what you’re going thru, feeling like nobody could possibly understand or empathize
not wanting to see or talk to other people, wanting to be alone, but also longing for comfort and familiarity
doing anything is very tiring and you wish you could only lie down forever
not wanting to eat, or alternatively, always wanting to eat
craving mostly comfort food, things you’ve had in some period in your past, or sweets, fast food, anything that brings you a little comfort
losing control over your diet, not being able to care about what you’re eating
feeling like this feeling will never end, feeling like you should be over it already
having surges of memories, some of them painful, some of them made painful by the fact that they’re in the past, unchangeable, unrepeatable
feeling physical pain in the area of your chest, back, stomach, shoulders, if a particularly painful memory is touched or triggered
wishing you could stop feeling and re-experiencing past moments
feeling like you’re never going to be happy again
feeling like you’re dying
#grief#mourning#trauma#cptsd#symptoms#sadness#mourning is a part of trauma#it can last for a long time#and be so powerful it overrides all your other symptoms#for stretches of time you might feel nothing but grief and sadness#not even fear or anger#just pain
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something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.
#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting#as her deity being overcome with rage#something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard#and something about people loving you anyway#something about 'your anger isnt scary to me'#as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD#something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself#and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something#but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up#and how mad that makes you. at yourself.#this fight is so much#fhjy#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high
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friend was talking angrily about the news here (a young male committed rape and sexual assault on two girls and was asked to pay $3000 and must attend therapy)
and her POS boyfriend said "I hate it when you get worked up about this kind of thing, you get so mad about men and then *I* don't get laid when I didn't even do anything"
And we all gasped because what the fuck dude
And she quietly goes "so you don't like when I get upset about young girls being raped because it means you don't get any?"
Anyway she got up and left the table and he followed and I hope you will all join me in a prayer that she is dumping his ass
#radblr#radical feminism#feminism#sexism#oh my god#Kam#For real tho imagine taking womens anger and fear and desire to protect our vulnerable girls and making it about your dick#Shut the fuck up dude you're complicit#It's not even “I don't like how much this affects you/I hate seeing you upset” oh no this is about his RIGHT to get LAID
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Garrus' interactions with Shepard post-Thessia are so fucking well written. Everyone else is telling Shepard they're sorry or doing a soft sad voice asking if she's okay but Garrus has this moving little speech about how losing a fight isn't the end of the war and I just. He's so fucking good. He knows what Shepard needs to hear and has the experience to back up the things he says. He's so good to her
#post-thessia is sooooooooo fucking devastating#Shepard's stress is so high all her friends are trying to crack through the soldier to get to the woman to make sure shes okay#i LOVE the conversation with joker where he tells her Anderson wanted HIM to look after HER#in a galaxy that is on fire and these people trying to keep the firebreak maintained for just a little longer theyre all worried#ABOUT SHEPARD#and shepard knows she cant breakdown shes channeling all the stress and fear into action and anger instead of showing how scared she is#even when everyone around her is saying its okay to show that to them because theyre her friends and family but she CANT#i love mass effect#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#shakarian#crazee talk
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Okay hear me out. Fenton parenting “i support my son being trans but i draw the line at him being a ghost” type situation yeah? Yeah. So like.
They still vivisect him and all that. But also give him top surgery. Since they’re already there and all.
Do you see my vision
#nap shitposts in the afterlife#danny phantom#like yeah this was a deeply traumatic event for dannny but also. free booblessness.#also like. the deeply complicated emotions around it all like 🤌#on the one hand. relief at the confirmation they saw him as a boy. even if they stopped seeing him-#-as their son. bc he was a monster. not bc he was trans but bc he was a ghost. which-#-is a whole other can of worms.#so even tho they ignored him when he told them over and over that he was still their son- it wasn’t transphobia#and then there would be the sadness. the fear. the anger.#the anger at everything they took from him in one fell swoop and they didn’t even know.#how was he supposed to be happy about this step in his transition? proud of his scars? content to be shirtless?#he could never enjoy the feeling of going shirtless at the beach. not with the vivisection scars so vivid. not with the ugly memories there#anyway. also i think the concept is kinda funny.
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Here's another really cute image of all the emotions sleeping in their pajamas 😁
#Ennui has her phone close#Anxiety can't even sleep!#inside out#inside out fandom#inside out 2#inside out disgust#inside out joy#inside out anger#inside out fear#inside out sadness#inside out envy#inside out ennui#inside out anxiety#inside out embarrassment
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So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.
That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.
See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.
Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.
Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.
Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.
However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.
Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.
But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.
That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.
And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.
And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:
- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.
- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.
- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.
(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)
- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.
- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.
- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.
- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.
- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.
- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.
... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.
How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.
Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.
Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.
So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.
... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.
#the hunger games#thg#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#gale hawthorne#it took me over a decade but I finally bit the bullet and decided to talk about this series#I love it so much#there's so much more I could say I had to hold myself back#like how BOTH Gale and Peeta are never fully gone even tho most people only focus on Peeta#But Gale knew what he did was wrong#It's not as clear bc he's not a pov character and katniss is too tired to try and read him but#prim's death touched him#he didn't brush it off he didnt see it as justified bc at least now its over#regardless of his reasons he still has enough sense of self to realize this#unlike y'know. characters like coriolanus who makes up so many excuses for what he did#including indirectly killing the character who is the personification of innocence and hope#like prim was#(side note I dont think any of the tbosas characters are direct parallels to the thg ones)#(theres little bits of katniss peeta AND gale in characters like snow)#(bc they're all representative of indignation and anger / compassion / fear and the need to feel safe)#(which every human being in the world has - even that bastard)#(he just chooses a different path)#(tbosas is very good btw)#(y'all should read it before the movie makes it about romance like I'm terrified it will)#ps if anyone knows how to put a read more on mobile can you let me know thx ily
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the most affective thing I've ever watched on climate change was comedian Jordan Klepper's episode on the L'eau Est La Vie water protectors in Louisiana. Not because it was well put together or terribly comprehensive (there's a documentary that does it better) but because it was the first time I'd seen a public figure follow in activists' footsteps---and be scared so absolutely shitless, he can't quite hide it from the cameras.
these days, Klepper goes to the big political rallies and smirks and jokes, and though that can be fun to watch---it just isn't the same.
#I don't say this with disdain; I know exactly how brave I can be#and I am probably closer to klepper than I want to admit. (maybe not even that brave; you don't see me in a boat in the dark.)#but that episode really did illuminate things. it highlighted how incredible these people are; that absolute clarity of purpose#meted with righteous anger and not a lack of fear but a devotion that eclipses it.#sacred. I think it's sacred.#it's been 5 years and I still think about that episode.
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it's hard for me to hold anger. it is a terrifying emotion to me - i flinch so easily. i don't like how quickly it spirals out of control. i feel selfish when i cut people off, stand up for myself - i feel like i am making mountains out of molehills.
any time i lash out, i wonder: am i turning into him? i give people too-many-chances, telling others: well, i might have overreacted. i shut down. bite my tongue. i hate that, at some point, i can be goaded into reacting, into letting go. i hate who i am when i'm angry - someone mean, quick-tongued, willing to cut to bone.
i am angry about what happened to me. i am angry about the ways other people saw what was happening and allowed it to continue. i am angry for the ways it was excused. for the ways i never got an apology, nor should i ever expect one. i am angry i let myself get used. i am angry for the ways i wasted my time and the ways i let myself be fooled. i am angry knowing - you don't care what you did to me. i am angry knowing - you'd rather burn apart our connection than actually consider my feelings.
i feel this anger tangled, brewing, constant - that i will never be able to reach a peace about it, because the anger just bristles, flaring in the center of it. i'm terrified of it - what if this is who i really am, and everything else is just veneer? if i really want to main & hurt & tear down until i have rendered the world into ice?
any impulse i have for self-preservation has become shadowed in a strange selflessness instead. maladaptive, i give and give and give, worried that i might be mistaken for someone who would take without asking. i owe so many current friendships to people who accepted my apologies and who gave me second chances - who am i to ever deny someone the right try again? when in the back of my head the kicked dog snarls a warning - she is lying - i turn my head. i tell the dog to shush. i tell the dog not to bite. i say we lie too sometimes. i say we will try to be honest and good and whole and if we are very-perfect, we'll never have to fight. i would rather lie down and accept the blow than be the one wielding the knife.
my sister sighs on the phone with me last night. you always go too far with patience, and let too many people use you.
i am worried i am a creature of extremes. that if i unleash, i will spill out, fill the room with smoke, destroy everything. i sigh too and tell her: well, but i don't wanna be mean.
#spilled ink#poetry#warm up#this is kind of hard to communicate but i'm tryna say this thing about like#how anger can be super protective#but if ur a trauma survivor#it's a super complicated emotion to feel#bc it can feel really dangerous#and also as someone with mental illness#im ALWAYS worried#''im taking this too far''#also as an adhd kid like our fear of perception is SO SO SO raw#so like... i'd rather come off too nice and adaptive#than mean#even tho there's. nothing mean about setting boundaries or#reacting to the ways people hurt you#alas ..... my brain doesn't understand this
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So this:
Leads to this:
Which leads to this:
Which allows vecna to do this:
Right? Right………. So then this:
Leads to this:
Which leads to:
???????????????? 👀👀👀👀👀
Will has had powers.
#will has powers#no - he had powers. he probably displayed them when he got taken in to the upside down. and vecna wanted those powers. so he took them.#this also opens up to the possibility he could get them back somehow. with el it was through memories of her mom when she was born. love.#when she relived her younger self opening the gate for the first time through the power of love#so Will could get his back through strong feelings of love. just saying.#stranger things predictions#stranger things theories#byler#byler tumblr#so the cool kids can find this 😌#I HAVE ANOTHER THING TO SAY!!! Els powers are strong from negative emotions - hatred. anger. vengeance.#but they’re even more powerful from feelings of love - familial and platonic love (mama. hopper. max. etc)#so if Will did show his powers to vecna (accidentally) when he got taken then those would have been from his most common negative emotion#fear#El is anger. hatred. will is fear. anxiety.#so will will get his powers to their fullest strength only with Love. romantic love. feeling wanted. useful.#familial/friend love was something El needed in her life and she against all odds managed to find it#she got the love she desperately needed and deserved (not romantic like the Melvin’s seem to think)#will has all that in buckets. he has friends who love him. the best mom and brother anyone could wish for. but he feels unworthy of love.#feels like all the bad things that happened to him were deserved. so him receiving and accepting what he desperately needs and deserves#will fully unlock his powers - if he has them.#thank you for coming to my Ted talk
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There's something to be said about Meta Knight having classically "demonic" features but embodying traits like honor and justice VS. Galacta Knight having classically "angelic" features but being an aggressive force of destruction and malice. something something Dark is Not Evil/Light is Not Good.
#kirby#meta knight#galacta knight#i just love galacta knight's inclusion in the series as a DIRECT foil to meta knight#like. ok listen#even when meta knight was the villain in ROMK he still clung to his code of honor#he tried to take over dreamland out of misdirected anger and even then he still maintained his desire for fairness via his duel w kirby#conversely:#galacta knight is heavily implied to be one of the Heroes of Yore who sealed away void termina#and effectively saved the universe#but he was also feared for his power and sealed away#tbf we dont know how GKs personality was before being sealed away for ages#its possible he was fair and just#but i personally am of the idea that his justice came in the form of a righteous cataclysmic fury#and that his code of honor was strict to the point of being outright draconian at times#so he was sealed to prevent the inevitable switch from righteous fury to simply fury#idk how to get my point across but i hope you understand my vision
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dennis is an angry character btw im sorry but he is full of rage but that rage is not exclusive his anger does not negate sadness and fragility and insecurities in fact they work together and dtamhd was one of the first times where his anger was not used as a joke via a surface level rage explosion from him but instead explored the fragility of his anger. the way he keeps reassuring the workers he encounters (and himself) that he's not mad. when he tells daisy he's not mad but he is a little bit upset. dennis is angry and that anger is what makes him so fragile. he was upset and it manifested as rage bc he doesnt know what to do with his own sadness
#disclaimer tags yes i would like to see his emotions explored more but i disagree that we ONLY saw anger in dtamhd#and EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY ANGER... anger is just as VALID and fragile and vulnerable as sadness. they are family#we saw how his anger makes him fragile how it exhausts him#how it works with his stress and fears and insecurities and sadness#he was UPSET!!!!#angry dennis in dtamhd WAS big feelings dennis in tends bar. that was the same#he expressed anger in tends bar bc he was upset he expressed anger in dtamhd bc he was upset etc etc#and i think the sadness people were expecting was present. the sadness and fragility we would have seen if he cried on the beach like most#of us anticipated (btw he did cry at the beach <3 technically <3) was THERE. it was just in his anger#sewerkingcharlie talked about this already and worded it very well but im honestly kinda bothered by how some people have treated#the portrayal of anger and emotions in this ep#you dont have to like the ep or how they portrayed dennis but some posts have really given the vibe of#his anger and his emotional outburst not being as valid because it wasnt portrayed in the way you expected#or that it wasnt palatable enough#and honestly if you dont like it thats okay! but can we please be careful with how we talk about mental illness and anger outbursts!#yes it is frustrating when people ONLY see dennis' anger or see dennis' anger in a very shallow way#which a lot of the audience unfortunately does because its been treated like a joke#but it wasnt a just a joke here#and maybe this will all go past dudebros heads frankly i dont give a shit lol but thats for another post
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#Phaya has every reason to hate on Tharn he has EVERY REASON#he also has every right to not trust him again#his biggest secret is out and what is even worse it seems like Tharn the person Phaya trusted thinks he is insane!#he can be angry at Tharn and i am glad he is because in the novel this NEVER HAPPENED like they just brushed it off like it was nothing#that brush pass was amazing loved every second of it#Tharn keeps getting pinned to the wall he will start enjoying it soon...#i LOVEEE Billy's acting here the anger is so visible#Tharn is desperately trying to defend himself because he does not want Phaya to hate him...#that fear on Tharns face.... its gonna hunt both Phaya and me#Phaya regretted that slap INSTANTLY you can see how shocked he is by his own actions... and the thing Chalotorn said are not helping him#the acting is just superb#just top notch acting from both Billy and Babe they gave their everything and you can see it#the sign the series#the sign series#the sign#billybabe#billy patchanon#babe tanatat#phayatharn#tharn x phaya#phaya x tharn#tharnphaya
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liam looking at theo throughout teen wolf season 6
#everybody always wants to talk ab theo giving him heart eyes but like#liam not being able to mask any of the emotions hes having when hes looking at theo is so#its not just the anger or the infatuation or whatever its also the fear and the hurt and the confusion LIKEEEE#him having to take steps back or steady his breathing#or look away completely#hes so down bad and he doesn’t even know it yet !#their relationship is so intense no matter what point its at like thats crazy#thiam#theo raeken x liam dunbar#theo raeken/liam dunbar#theo x liam#theo/liam#teen wolf#liam dunbar#dylan sprayberry
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Caught up on yesterday's Phil stream. AHAHAHAHAHAH this isn't going to haunt me or anything.
#qsmp#mcyt#philza#los huevitos#q!philza#q!chayanne#q!tallulah#i wish I could draw#the two of them huddled on the bed staring out at Phil is just going to be IMPRINTED ON MY BRAIN#even after all that with the loss of trust and the fear/anger they realize that wasn't quite their dad and they want him back
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i'm rewatching 6x6 and i already knew that liam had decided to get theo out, but i never realised how quickly he decided that. it was like liam had been searching for a reason to get him out, everybody already knows that.
what i mean is that the scene where hayden and liam are in the hallway talking about liam's plan, the scene directly before mr. douglas mentions something about absorbing the lighting and liam instantly thinks of him.
when they're in the tunnels liam could've sent him back like hayden and mr. douglas suggested, but he hesitated, he always hesitated because he didn't really want to, which was why he never pulled the sword on him unless influenced and why he allowed theo to hold him against the walls in the tunnels.
#this honestly seems really far fetched#but like it's also believable somehow#everyone has a problem with theo within good reasons but not liam#liam states his problem with theo except it's never actually his#it's about how SCOTT was right and he was wrong or how SCOTT doesn't trust him#how HAYDEN and MR. DOUGLAS think he should be sent back#how he betrayed the PACK so now tgey don't trust him#everything liam has ever said or done to think that wasn’t him was him under the influence of the pack#since liam doesn't want to let people down and he knows he did by letting theo out he takes said anger (fear) out on theo#except theo knows this and even states so in 6x16 which liam only proves to be right in 6x17#but since thel knows he doesn't take offence or at least he tries not to because he can see parts of himself in the beta#this definitely made me sad#also whoever named 6x7 heartless is heartless#thiam
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