#in words that make SENSE and are quality responses??? ig???? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skz-streamer · 7 months

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Yes love?

Simptober Small Things You Do M-list

Pairing: Hyunjin (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, suggestive

Warnings: a lil baby bit suggestive ig

Notes: I WANT HYUNJIN >:((((((

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

Word count - 547;)

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The room was steeped in a tranquil silence, save for the gentle rise and fall of your breaths. Hyunjin and you lay atop each other, both tired from the passionate events that had transpired just moments ago. It was in these quiet moments of afterglow that you cherished the most – the sense of closeness and intimacy that came from sharing your love so intimately.

With a soft sigh, Hyunjin stirred beneath you, his strong arms carefully lifting your body from his. He placed you gently by his side, and as he looked at your beautiful face, a warm smile played on his lips. The way you looked at him after moments like these always melted his heart, and he couldn't get enough of it.

His gaze settled on his favorite feature – your eyes. They were filled with a unique radiance, a look you reserved only for him. But what captivated him the most was the way he saw himself reflected in your eyes. It was as if you saw him as the sweetest thing on the whole planet, a side of him he thought no one else could see, but you. And that made it all the more precious.

His dark eyes, usually filled with playful mischief or determination, now held a different quality. They were soft, deep pools of chocolate brown, gazing at you with an intensity that was both sweet and loving. It was a side of him that he reserved just for you, a side that no one else would ever get to see, and that made it all the more special.

"Jinnie?" you whispered, your voice a tender melody in the hushed room.

He responded in kind, his voice low and affectionate, "Yes, love?"

With that simple exchange, you bared your heart to him, expressing what you felt in the depths of your being. "I love you," you confessed, your words carrying the weight of your emotions.

Hyunjin couldn't help but smile wider, his heart swelling with affection. He pulled you close, enfolding you in his arms, and the two of you became one. Skin to skin, it was as though nothing in the world could harm or hurt you. In this embrace, you felt safe and cherished, your love cocooning you from the outside world.

Hyunjin's fingers gently brushed away the tangled strands of your sweaty hair, exposing your neck, which he adored. It was his favorite place to be with you, where he felt closest to your heart and soul. He marveled at how pretty you looked, even in this disheveled state, and he couldn't help but think that you were his in every way possible.

In return, you held onto him, feeling the warmth and security of his embrace. It was moments like these that made you realize how fortunate you were to have Hyunjin by your side. In the quiet intimacy of your connection, you found a profound love that transcended words, a love that filled your heart and soul, making you feel complete in every sense.

As you lay together, intertwined and content, you knew that this was where you belonged – in the arms of the person who cherished you as the most beautiful thing in the world, a side of him that was reserved only for you.

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Tags: @eee5533 @mixtape-racha @cherry-edibles @ren0325 @felixvsp @hwangrimi @sanriiolino @painstakingly-juno @herarcadewasteland @dabiscrustyfeet @kai-jilee @sungiesoonie @slvtty4channiee @revelaffee @buckys-pillow, @staygirl86 @chlodavids @jinnie-ret @bbygrlhannie @rebecca-johnson-28 @turtledove824 @interstellarairwaves @yearofthetiger25 @minhos4thkitty @fiqire @backintomykpopphaseagain @liknws @tinyelfperson @aaasia111

#simptober #hyunjin x you #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin fic #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin hwang #hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin fluff #stray kids hyunjin #skz fanfic #hyunjin x y/n #skz hyunjin #stray kids fic #stray kids #fluff #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #skz streamer

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ridestomars · 9 months

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GIRL U WANT – S. HARRINGTON

𖥻 summary: steve harrington is in love with his coworker, y/n, and max mayfield can't stand how annoying a lovesick steve is. 𖥻 pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader 𖥻 warnings: y/n is used!! it's kinda told from max's point of view. idiots in love (obv), max and steve have a little sister-older brother relationship. bad grammar ig. not proofread (yk the deal). 3k-ish words.

💭 liv's thoughts: look at me rewriting my wip list works. this is another one that has been sitting on my docs page for ages, and i finally got the courage to fulfill it. i hope you guys like it!

DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK IF YOU'RE UNDER SIXTEEN.

“Look at you with your mouth watering, look at you with your mind spinnin'. Why don't we just admit it's all over? She's just the girl you want”.

People say patience is a virtue, but Maxine Mayfield begs to differ.

She doesn't believe in that "good things come for those who wait" crap, because nothing nice ever came her way for just standing there until something happened. The only thing she got from waiting around was a terrible yearning sensation of what could have been if she wasn't such a wimp. That is why Max doesn't exercise the righteous quality of patience, preferring her natural impulsiveness instead. Her restlessness is just too precious not to be used – Seventeen magazine insists on telling her that it's just a thing Aries girls do.

Her effort usually pays off, but when it doesn't, there is nothing better than a "fuck you" to tend the wounds. Rejection is always a possibility, but being disappointed because of it isn't, and with time, you learn how to deal with the negative responses… despite that, Max likes to consider herself too persuasive to ever be declined.

But she has to admit that her intrinsic sense of fearlessness can make her a little insensitive when it comes to people's fear of rejection because, to her, it's just all so simple. Though she tries to be understanding, others' stupidity can become a bit too much for her to handle, and she almost always finds herself on the verge of scolding them for their inability to be bold. It was like when she first started dating Lucas: she had a very serious talk with him about his embarrassment to complain about his wrong orders to the servers because he fears being met with a rude attitude – she still walks up to the workers to point out that his order came with pickles when he didn't want any, but just because it's him.

For some time now, Max found herself in an annoying situation. Over her boring vacation evenings, she began visiting Family Video a lot, and began picking up on something that grew to be infuriating: Steve's and Y/N's constant bullshit. Their (initial) quiet pining was cute, at first, because it made her feel like she was watching a real-life rom-com, with an exciting "will they or won't they?" plot line… reminiscent of the late-nights where she would pretend to be asleep on the living room couch to catch the new Cheers episode, to see if Diane and Sam would finally get together. Yet, as the days passed and their never-ending coyness appeared to only grow stronger, her hopes started to falter. In fact, the situation began to get so obvious that it started to get on her nerves. Big time.

She was an observer, and easily noticed the lingering looks as they talked, one getting distracted by the other's lips, or the way their brows furrowed when attempting to flirt. Or the jealous blush that dusted over Steve's cheeks whenever he saw you talking to a good-looking customer. And then, whenever you weren't at work, she hears his grumpy huffs that turn into infatuated sighs as soon as you walk through the door, apologizing for being late. It wasn't hard to miss your affectionate words about him when he wasn't around, as if talking about your co-worker would make his absence more tolerable.

What was sweet, quickly turned into tiresome when the instances of you two almost kissing turn into a daily thing. She can't count the times when she caught Steve leaning his face closer to yours, taking the courage to make his move, but right at the last second… the plan totally backfires. You either bump heads (Max physically cringes whenever she remembers the scene) or too distracted, ended up turning away from the other. Either option brought a burning ache to the chest.

The blatant crush you have on each other followed Max everywhere she goes as if she was doomed to hear about it until the end of times. Steve was never necessarily reserved about his infatuation – although it seemed like everyone knew about it, except the one person that should –, and since he gives her rides everywhere, she found herself listening to him babble about the gorgeous gleam in your eyes and your shiny hair. The guy sees you as something sacred, and yet… he never admits that he actually likes you, despite the fact that you are all he ever talks about.

To him, you are a piece of heaven on Earth, the person who understands him the most and makes him feel good about himself, among other incredibly elaborate platonic compliments.

Max knows Steve is pretty much the most idiotic guy to ever exist, but he isn't stupid. It's obvious that he just doesn't want to admit his feelings because, if he does, he will have to do something about it, and being blind to the fact that you feel the same, he doesn't want to risk it. If things went wrong, his heart wouldn't be able to take it.

The only question roaming Max's head is: he is secure, but at what price?

It all makes days like today even more unbearable.

They have been sitting inside Steve's burgundy BMW for almost five minutes now, with the clear window closed, the A/C turned up to maximum speed, and Madonna's 'True Blue' playing on the radio. After their arrival at Family Video's parking lot, Max had asked for a minute, just one fucking minute, to fix her shoelaces and Steve used it as an opportunity to daydream as he stared out the windshield. His eyes were set ahead, and she didn't need to look to know who he was staring at.

This was starting to get depressing.

"Steve," Max calls, as harsh as ever. "Stop".

As if he had just been electrocuted, Steve turns his head to stare at the fifteen-year-old. Eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared, he defends himself, "But I'm not doing anything".

"Exactly, you moron," she grumbles. "You gotta tell her".

'No more sadness, I kiss it goodbye. The sun is burs-', Max interrupts Madonna by turning off the radio, stopping any possible distractions.

It's clear that Steve doesn't like where this is going, because his face contorts into that sour annoyed look that makes her take a deep breath. This is going to be difficult.

"Tell what to who?" pretending to be clueless, he purses his lips, but his eyes don't lie, quickly drifting back to Y/N's figure. There was no escape now, not with Max's sharp gaze bearing down on him.

"You're so full of shit".

"Hey! Language, Maxine," he reprimands, "I honestly don't know what you're talking about".

"You're in love with her," she motions to his co-worker who was still blissfully unaware of the car parked outside.

And her words rang as an absurdity to him.

"Max, for the love of-," his protest is interrupted by the girl and the know-it-all tone he hates so much.

"Steve, you're so into her it's ridiculous," her blue eyes narrow at him, hardening her expression. He scoffs, crossing his arms as he looks in the other direction, trying not to give too much away.

They stay like that for a few seconds, with him staring out the window, refusing to take part in the discussion, and Max glaring at his blushing, conflicted face.

But then, he breaks.

"Fine," Steve breathes out, "I mean, I'd make out with her… like, platonically, you know?"

The word comes out as if he had just remembered it existed, and Max doesn't buy it for a second, "You can't make out with someone platonically, Steve".

He takes her harsh delivery with a contemplating face, letting it all sink in. It wasn't groundbreaking, but it did break his argument, and he finds himself agreeing with what she had said… and he gets a grip.

"Why am I listening to a thirteen-year-old?" he mutters, in disbelief. Huffing, Steve turns back at her, already gripping the door handle, "You know what, smarty-pants? I gotta work".

"I'm fifteen, Harrington! And we're not done!"

Max trails behind him as he gets out of the car in a hurry, stepping heavily into the pavement. As Steve bursts through the glass door with the girl in tow, they catch the attention of everyone inside Family Video. He gives you and Robin an embarrassed smile, stepping onto a random aisle, trying to hide from the curious stares.

From the corner of his eye, Steve realizes that he still hasn't gotten rid of the stubborn girl, so he gathers the cluttered tapes and organizes them, in a failed attempt to avoid Max's inquisitive look. Moving the Pretty in Pink tapes around, the redhead crosses her arms, still staring.

"You should learn a thing or two about that movie, you know?" she says with a quiet voice.

"What are you talking about, Mayfield?" he asks with a defeated sigh, clearly getting annoyed by her.

"Duckie didn't do anything about his crush on Andie, and had to settle for being her best friend in the end," she spells it out for him, "While she got to make out with Andrew McCarthy. Arguably more good-looking and charming than Jon Cryer".

Steve rolls his eyes, but the situation does ring out an alarm at the back of his mind. What if… no, let's not go there. "What are you trying to say, wise-ass?"

"I'm saying," she continues, not willing to let him take a breath, "Are you truly willing to miss your shot? Stop being such a coward and go for it!".

"You talk as if I actually have a chance".

There it is.

This was what she wanted to hear.

"Steve, the girl is almost putting up a bright sign saying 'Go for it! Ask me out, you idiot!'".

Drifting his eyes away from the tapes he was organizing, Steve watches as you laugh at something Robin had said. His gaze softens as he contemplates the scene, his hesitancy quavering every time the sound of your laughter reached his ears. This time, seeing the longing look in his eyes made a gentle, sympathetic feeling grow inside Max's chest, so different than the impatient annoyance she was so used to.

"Look, Steve," her green eyes droop with friendly warmth. Though she might say that this is such a rare sight, that is what he sees every day when he talks to her. "I'm just saying what I noticed, and even if I'm wrong, which I'm not, by the way, you gotta take this off your chest. This is your chance!".

Staring down at her, he can only blink. Her encouraging words are settling in his mind, screeching as they do so, and he wonders… the gears inside his head spinning out of control, smoking everything so bad he almost can't see anything. Steve feels a bit out of breath.

But, impatient as always, Max keeps going as if she hasn't just collapsed all of his plans to stay in your friendship's comfort zone. With the wisdom that few possess, she continues, "I know you're still hung up on your Nancy-heartbreak and everything, but you're standing in your own way on this one, Steve. I can't tell you what the future holds, but I'm sure that you'll feel a lot better after you tell her about it".

His intentions to continue ignoring it all are crumbling to dust inside him right now and her words make him feel defenseless, too vulnerable to continue disregarding his own fear of possible rejection.

"That doesn't make sense," he scoffs, though his voice is soft and quiet, "Why would I want to do something like that if I don't know what the outcome is? She might just turn me down, and I don't think I could…"

Eyes drifting back to your breathtaking figure behind the counter, he stops himself before finishing the sentence. His face lit up with an astonishing expression of realization. Steve lets out another defeated sigh… maybe Max was right.

With a knowing smile, she tells him, "Because you know she's worth it".

xxx

Steve has had his head in the clouds ever since his little chat with Max earlier and could barely concentrate on having any work done throughout the rest of his shift. It didn't help that he also couldn't escape the sight of you from any corner of Family Video, and had to take several breaks until closing hours to avoid his head from exploding.

Pacing back and forth inside the employee's break room instead of helping you put everything away (not exactly the top priority on his list right now), Steve tries to muster up even the slightest string of courage to talk to you about his feelings.

Now, on top of being an absolute wimp, he can also add useless when thinking to his list.

He takes a big breath as he replays what Max had said, and almost unconsciously, snippets of Billy Joel's 'Tell Her About It' start echoing with it. The combination was able to help him make an outline of everything he'd like to say to you.

"I like you. I don't want the chance to slip away. It's okay if you don't feel the same. I just wanted to say something before it's too late", he mutters to himself, still walking in circles. "If yes, then, ba-ba-bam, charm her up. If heartbreak, retreat. I'll be fine. Fine. Just fine. A-okay".

Steve feels the same rush as he felt before going to his High School basketball matches, and he can only hope that the results will be far more positive. He takes another deep breath, shaking his arms before he walks over to the door. His fingers touch the door handle, cool under his fingertips. This is his chance. The store was closing, there were no customers around, and Robin had left early for band practice.

Let's do it, he thinks to himself.

Determined and possessed by a sense of overconfidence, Steve snaps the door open, letting it hit the wall with a loud noise. The sudden movement turns your attention on him, and he can feel his cheeks burning bright under your gaze, his faux bravado trembling below the warmth of your eyes. The quizzical look you gave made him question his own ability for the dramatics.

"It, uh, got stuck", he offers an embarrassed smile.

Good. Already starting with a lie.

"Yeah," your expression turns into amusement, "it gets jammed all the time".

The kindness in your voice makes him feel a little better about himself, maybe he wasn't being such a fool in front of you. His heart started to thump inside his chest, blood pumping in his ears like thunder as he walked closer to where you stood, just behind the big counter. With an intense gaze set on your face, he watched as your eyebrows furrow in his direction again.

"Is there something on my face?" you lift your hand up to your cheek, wiping it off in a hurry.

"No! It's just-," he interrupts himself, suddenly realizing that this script wasn't supposed to go this way. What is he meant to say now? Under your expectant gaze, it's not like he can think of anything intelligible. "It's not that".

"Oh, okay," breathing out, seeming relieved by the information, you bring your hand down. With a voice that dripped with curiosity, you ask, "Why we-were you staring, then?"

Steve feels so stupid now that he can only blink down at you, his head getting fuzzy by that cute look in your eyes and the way your lips quirked up, stifling a smile. Yeah, he's a goner.

Before he could actually think about what he was saying, he hears the sound of his voice echoing through the empty video rental store, "I don't wanna be a Duckie".

"What are you talking about?" you laugh out loud, though it's clear that you're not laughing at him. His words took you both by surprise, and he couldn't expect any other reaction.

"Sorry," Steve apologizes, chuckling along, "I didn't mean to say that. What I wanted to say was… well, by the look on your face I think you already know".

Again, he just blurted it out without reflecting on it first. But it was justified.

For the first time, he saw something different in the way you looked up at him. Maybe it was just him being impacted by Max's words, but Steve swears that he has never seen that mellow tenderness gleaming in the color of your eyes before… or at least, he had never noticed it like this. He feels like an even bigger idiot now for not realizing it sooner.

"Know what?" your question comes as a sign of your unawareness of his new understanding, and it makes a sweet smile grow on his face.

"I like you".

The three words come out in a far more relaxed way than he had originally imagined his confession to be. Clearly, his realization made a wave of true confidence wash over his body, putting him back in his element of ease. And to say it out loud was a relief like no other.

But when he was met with no answer, just that shocked look on your face, his smile faltered.

"It's alright if you don't feel the same," he reassures, "I just… I didn't want to keep waiting around, wasting more opportunities by never telling you how I feel, because if you feel the same, I really don't want you to get away just like that. And uh- I don't want to be just your friend, but it's fine if you-"

"I like you too", you talk a bit louder than him, interrupting his train of thought, without any remorse. "I, uh- never said anything because I thought you didn't like me back".

He is still, like a statue in front of you, processing the information.

And it seems like an eternity before he cups your face, the palms of his hands resting warmly over your cheeks. His long fingers graze against your temples, and just the feeling is enough to ease your hammering heart, but as he leans closer to your face, you can feel your own breath ricocheting against his lips.

Steve stares at you through half-lidded eyes, as if he is waiting for your go-ahead. And it's only when you softly nod up at him that he presses his mouth against yours, letting his lips wrap around your bottom lip in a soft, loving peck. His mind was misty with increasing thoughts of you, your candy-flavored lips, and the smooth texture of your cheeks, along with the feel of the roots of your hair on his fingertips. You were breathing in each other in your kiss, and your breath came faltering against the other cheek. It was truly world-shattering, something you had never felt before in your life.

As you slowly, and almost reluctantly so, pull apart, Steve feels a small chuckle bubbling up in his throat. Seeing your amused expression, he smiles.

"We have so much time to make up for".

LIKES, REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE APPRECIATED! steve masterlist | main masterlist | navigation ── hey! wanna talk? leave me a message after the beep. currently accepting requests for steve and eddie.

𖤐 taglist: @oncasette if you want to be added to my taglist, just click here.

#liv talks about stevie #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington

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leeyammie · 1 month

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Jealousy

Warning: Minors DNI / NSFW

Masterlist

Pairing: Hyunjun Hur x Male reader

Genre: fluff, slight smut

Word Count: 1,031 words

Summary: It hasn't been long since you and your boyfriend have moved in together after him launching his solo debut. In the first few months you tried to be supportive as much as possible and have seen tremendous growth within him. Except that as his fame started to leap, you couldn't shake off the stagging feeling of others enjoying your boyfriend's charm and his latest IG post didn't make it any better.

It was finally the weekend, which meant no work, no chores, nothing. Just some good quality time that you had been looking forward to spending with your boyfriend. However, he happened to be very busy those couple of days as he was preparing for his next striking comeback.

And there you were, staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to come back, when you heard a phone notification coming your way. Thinking that it was a text from him, you rushed to check your phone, only to find out that it was indeed a notification from him, except that it was about a post that he had recently uploaded. Without giving much thought to it, you pressed on it, only to be surprised by the content of the post.

Anyone could easily tell that you weren't delighted with this view, not even the slightest.

You started thinking to yourself. "Concerts with millions of people? I let it slide. Fan meetings with everyone stealing pictures and gestures? I could swallow that. Taking part in a drama lead role with other actors? No biggie. But him posting such pictures publicly as if he isn't tied to anyone! He crossed the line! I've had it!"

Not long afterwards, you heard the door keys clinging signaling that he has finally arrived. Still upset with his behavior you didn't bother to run up to him as soon as he opened the door and rather kept your gaze fixated on the TV. Hyunjun sounded a little puzzled by your change in attitude, nevertheless, he still came up to you snuggling beside you on the couch. "Has my little baby missed me so much that he can't even tell that I'm back?"

You gave no response, not even budged as he constantly tried to get you to look at him. One thing about Hyunjun is that he wouldn't leave you in peace whenever you seem off until you talk out the reason with him. The only answer he got from you was. "Go shower already. I am not planning on sleeping in sweat myself."

He could definitely tell that he messed up big time. He not only knows you by heart but also could tell from your tone how you were feeling exactly and that cold tone of yours only signaled to him that you're extremely irritated.

As you were getting up to leave him off, he grabbed your wrist tucking you back on the couch with him over you. You gotta admit that although he uses the same tactics each time, he never fails to draw that tinted blush on your face. "I already told you wreck of sweat just go get a shower already!" you burst in rage at him

You tried to protest and free yourself, but it was of no use. I mean, let's be real, he just got back from the gym all pumped up with energy and expect yourself to win over him? "I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did wrong!" This man's determination was gonna be the end of you. He started snuggling his face within you neck sniffing it and placing gentle sweaty kisses here and there. Eventually you let your grip loose allowing him to wrap his hands around your figure. Then it didn't take you long to get back to your senses. You stormed off the couch as soon as he loosed his grip.

"You ain't fooling me this time Romeo! I may have let you take the lead on how you want to direct you career and life overall but your last post has sent me to my limit."

Him not being sure of what you were referring to, he opened his phone scrolling through his socials until he noticed the gym post that he had uploaded earlier that day. To your surprise his only reaction was him laughing at the situation.

"You really think that making me furious is that entertaining to you?!" You snapped furiously at him.

"No! This is not what I meant it as! I just found it cute the way you got furious and protective over my posts. I am sorry babe, I'll get rid of the posts and be a little more cautious of your jealousy next time~" He replied a little all over the place not wanting you to take any wrong ideas.

You approached him step by step replying with a gaze in his eyes. "You really think that it is that simple?! Hyunjun you've got to understand that what is mine remains as mine no matter what the circumstances are! You are my partner and not some random acquaintance that I share with everyone-."

He interrupted you mid-sentence grabbing you closer by your waist. You were a little taken aback but at least ceased your anger talk a little. "If I weren't yours already would you be standing here so close hearing my every breath and heartbeat?"

He really knew how to play you around with his soft gaze and playful words that you couldn't resist. He leaned in towards you stealing a soft small kiss for reassurance. Once he didn't feel you tensing up against him, he went for a deeper kiss which made you melt in between his arms. The kiss gradually started to heat up before you broke it to catch a breath.

"Promise me that you'll be more considerate of my feelings in the future and that you'd stay mine to hold." You insisted with a pout on your face.

With a grin slightly forming on his face, he kissed your forehead, replying with a positive answer. Afterwards, you were able to continue your make out session. You slowly locked your hands around his neck with your lips still sealed together.

He carried you up forcing your legs to cross around his waist as he directed you to your bedroom. He then placed you gently on the bed sheets and hoped over you. He then lifted his body getting rid of the tank top he was wearing. At least you knew that your were the only one to see his marvelous body up this close, especially being dripping with sweat.

He leaned down and whispered in your ear. "I gotta admit your furious attitude is such a turn on and I'll need your help with that issue."

You both giggled at his cocky response, yet both knew that what's reserved for both of you tonight would only be intimate love and adoration.

note: Hey! Hope you enjoyed the read. If you'd like to write about other idols or other themes where you see that my style would fit do not hesitate on sending them away! Thanks again for passing by! (I apologize in advance for any typos)

#kpop x male reader #kpop #kpop x reader #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop x male reader smut #kpop x male reader fluff #hyunjun hur x male reader #hyunjun hur x male reader fluff #hyunjun hur x male reader smut #hyunjun x male reader fluff #hyunjun x male reader #hyunjun x male reader smut

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lesbianjackies · 2 years

Text

Forever

Five Hargreeves x GN!Reader

Word Count: 781

Warnings: Mentions of Reggie again 😒, mild angst ig but like not really

Summary: You and Five realize you're quite a bit more than best friends.

General Taglist: @caladrius103

Five Hargreeves Taglist: @dragon-master-kai, @justbookworm

Moots: @iheardarumorthings (who gave me the idea for this hehe), @thewritingbabe, @scandalous-chaos, @ddejavvu

Five Hargreeves is not an easy person to win the favor of. He’s pretentious, disagreeable, and overall seems to rather dislike everyone he lays eyes on. Everyone, it seems, but you.

You don’t know how you did it, really. You don’t know what it was about you that so struck Five Hargreeves’ fancy, to such an extent that he took you with him everywhere, even when he traveled to the future. You’re clumsy, and impulsive, and disorganized and inattentive and anxious - all qualities that when you first met Five, seemed quite the type of traits that would make him immediately dislike you. But somehow, things happened the opposite.

Five was not turned off by your chaos, but rather intrigued by it; he found himself wanting desperately to be around your cheerful carelessness, and it confused him as much as it did you. Perhaps it was your similarities to his brother Klaus, and the astonishingly different way you handled your shortcomings, or just how sheerly you contradicted his very being, with your bouncy, bubbly way of living and his surly, cynical, irritable manner. He couldn’t spend a day without you.

And so, that’s why you are where you are now, 58 years old and stuck in your 15-year-old body with the only man you’ve ever loved, trying desperately to stop an apocalypse that your former employers are determined to make happen. Typical best friend shenanigans, right?

“Five?” you say, lying on your back on Five’s bed and blowing a frustratingly stubborn strand of hair away from your face.

“Mhm?” He hums in response, as he so often does when preoccupied with something else. He keeps his eyes on his chalkboard of a wall and continues scribbling furiously, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“How did we end up here?” you ask, sighing out a bit of a sad laugh.

Five lets out a sigh of his own, setting down his piece of chalk - which is beginning to look more like a stub - and leaning his forehead against the faded black porcelain. “I don’t know.” He laughs bitterly. “I suppose it’s because I’m too foolish to see past my own hubris.”

“No, Five.” You walk over to him, gently pulling him away from the board and into your arms. “No, no, Five, no. You were a child, okay? You were curious and stubborn just like all children are. Your father treated you like you were older than you were, so you felt like you could do anything at far too young an age. And when he told you you couldn’t, he acted as if it was a failure on your part rather than a natural part of being a child. Don’t blame his shortcomings on yourself.”

You hear a whimpering sort of gasp, and with a mild sense of alarm, you realize Five is crying, that the wetness gathering on your shoulder is coming from his tears. You push down your shock and run your fingers through his hair, stroking him softly till the whimpering quiets to a quiet, uneven sort of breathing.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I know how much you like this sweater.”

You let out a watery laugh, realizing you’re crying yourself. “It’ll wash out.”

“Lord, (Y/N),” he says, sounding almost in amazement. “I’ve known you since… forever. I genuinely can’t even begin to imagine my life without you.”

“Well, I feel the same way about you,” you reply. “You’re my best friend.” Somehow, though, that label doesn’t feel quite right.

“No,” he murmurs, pulling away to cup your chin in his hand. “We’re much more than best friends.”

And suddenly his lips are on yours, softly moving until neither of you can take it any longer and it becomes desperate, for nothing and everything all at once. Your hands find their way into his hair, and his curl around your waist, and you no longer feel like a person who’s kissing their best friend. You feel like one half of a whole, finally complete in the arms of your soulmate. You kiss until your chest burns from a lack of oxygen, and then when you pull away for air you hold him in your arms, unwilling to let go until you have no other choice.

“I love you,” you tell him, quietly like a secret only he’s allowed to hear. “I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to tell you.”

“We’re idiots, that’s why,” he cracks, a small smile on his face, and you can’t help but laugh in response.

“You aren’t wrong.” You kiss him softly again, savoring the feel of his lips against yours.

“I love you too,” he says softly as you part once again. “Forever.”

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cryptiql · 3 years

Text

boyhood

pairing: katsuki bakugou/reader (male reader in mind, but can be read as gender neutral)

words: 2.1k

warnings: tw hospital mention, but i think that's it

a/n: this is god awful and i hate it with every fiber of my being but here's to hoping y'all like it anyways </33 ig this could count as a fic ?? but not really lmao it's just some brain rot inspired by the map of tiny perfect things for which there will be some spoilers, so read with caution

"so, there's this boy—"

it starts simple enough; the utterings of a line pulled straight from a cliché teen drama spilling from your lips. you wish it wasn't so, but then, you also wish that cute blonde hadn't saved you from falling in the pool, for it might have prevented the hassle of falling for him, instead. it's foolish, you begin to think, because you've done this a thousand times—you've evaded every beach ball hurdled at your unsuspecting head; every puddle that has sent you careening backwards onto the ground; every shove from a group of inconsiderate teens. the public pool was a sanction from which you memorized the plains of this uncharted territory. you suppose nothing major could change even with the new development, but crossing paths with this boy was unlikely on an astronomical scale, and the knowing look in his eyes made it all the more complicated.

you love the way his hand presses so deliciously against the small of your back before reeling you from the edge, much like a fish from water. it isn't too far off, as you stand there indecisive between opening and closing your mouth, eyes trailing over the fit form of your savior. he's absolutely gorgeous, for one, and you almost catch yourself drooling over his sun-kissed skin and broad chest, just barely covered by his loose fitting button up. your traveling gaze comes to a halt, however, when it reaches his vermillion hues; their spiteful gleam caught aflame under the sun's harsh glow.

"—and he basically hates me—"

but he doesn't. through a begrudging fit, katsuki acknowledges the feeling in his heart as something akin to fondness, and it hurts to admit that he doesn't entirely dislike it. sure, you're a clumsy idiot with little to no sense of rationality, and you cannot handle simple tasks such as driving a car to save your life (as he has observed over many failed attempts to back into your desired parking space, only to crash into an absurd amount of cars in the process), but he finds those qualities endearing, in a sense. it's impossible not to, after an estimated five months of reliving the same day again and again with the same infuriating person.

and yet, when you look at him with that stupid grin, "infuriating" is the last word to come to mind. it's more than he can manage to say about anyone without pushing down the urge to throw up, so when you finally catch on, he hopes you'll be grateful. oh god, does he ever hope, because no one has ever put in the effort to get to know him well enough and not regret it later, and now he's stuck with you. "i'm just as stuck with you, though." you joke, the summer breeze carding through your hair in waves. all he can muster in response is a half-hearted scoff paired with an elbow to your side.

fuck, you love it. you love the contemplative look that crosses his face during those rare moments when he isn't a wrathful mess of a human being, and when he pushes past you to walk ahead with an unwavering self-assurance in each step. you love the harshness of his words and his unforgiving attitude, and you'd be lying if the malicious smirk he wears doesn't make your stomach twist in the most delightful way.

how this is all possible doesn't even occur to you when he's at your side, grumbling about the man who will inevitably round the corner on his moped and wipe out on the pothole.

you remember how he used to laugh when it happened, and how you thought it was pretty, despite its cackling resonance. its sheer volume was enough to make flocks of birds scatter to the wind, and the pout he wore would have been adorable if it weren't one of shame and disgust at his own expense. it's downright criminal to think that no one has complimented his laugh, and you're so lucky to have been the first, but you might be a little more appreciative if he had sit still and let you admire his blush.

"—but he isn't the total asshole i associated him with when we first met—"

and it's true. he's grown in leaps and bounds towards being a better person, and a perfect example is the moped man, who was promptly stopped from running into the pothole by a tamer, more polite katsuki. okay, perhaps polite isn't the correct term, seeing as he still spoke to the civilian with nothing short of aggravation in his tone, but it was the thought that counted.

you remind yourself as such every morning; the stench of burnt toast trickling in through the crack of your bedroom door to drag you from your slumber. you can't actually recall falling asleep, and although you feel fully rested, it occurs to you that only a split second has passed between the reset point and the moment of your awakening, but you like to imagine otherwise. along with katsuki's company, as well as the fleeting instants of joy found during your little scavenger hunt, it's what keeps you sane.

that's the other thing.

"what the hell is the point in all this?" he bites out, still struggling within your smothering hold. you respond with a lighthearted giggled as you place your chin in the crook of his neck and point at the group of kids running about the avenue between their house and the next. one of the girls is tackled into a hug by who you presume to be her older brother, and seconds later, they both shriek in triumph at the activity found in the treehouse above. spools of fairy lights coiled around the wooden beams suddenly come to life, flickering softly beneath the canopies of leaves above. katsuki will assure you that he despises children, but the gentle smile playing on his features as they scramble up the tree tells a different story.

you figure, "hey, since we're not going anywhere in this temporal anomaly, we might as well make the most of it together!", and thus the map of tiny perfect things is made. it's no vincent van gogh level work—it pains your artist's heart to confess—but you've nearly perfected it over many fitful hours of tracing, labeling and painting, and the results alone are satisfying. although, you won't deny any praise from katsuki when he plucks the map from between the folds of your sketchbook and observes it with awe and what you can't bear to identify as a hint of dejection. you make the mistake of not questioning it, for when he brushes off your request to stay longer, you are left with a sense of dread as you pull the covers over your shoulders, idly caressing the empty space in your bed and wishing he was there to fill it.

what were you expecting? katsuki's nails; bitten down to mere stubs; claw at your flesh as he shoves you away, lips drawn into a snarl. he's desperate now, because bakugou has never said please in his entire goddamn life, but he's screaming it in your face like it will solve his problems. nothing is that simple. of course not. katsuki is complex and overcomplicated, like the rubik's cube sitting unsolved on your bedside table, and he fucking knows it. he knows that you're trying to wear him down enough that he'll collapse in your arms and spill every little detail about his life, and he knows it's out of love, but he can't just lie there and take it. no, he'll go down kicking and punching and biting, just to make sure you what you're getting into when you tell him you care; to make sure he's not dreaming, and that you're adoration for him is nothing but an elaborate illusion meant to torment him. you were sure everything was fine. you were sure, that when the palm of his hand sunk into your own, things would be different, and he had changed.

and he did, to which you must give him credit, but he still stands in the shell of a scared little boy, unmoving with his fists clenched at his sides as he waits for the swift hand of defeat to claim all of his endeavors in a shroud of darkness. it's so unlike him. or at least, that's what you figure before wandering under the fluorescent lights of the local hospital, cradling a newly sprained arm. perhaps attempting a complex skateboard trick on the first go wasn't the smartest idea, but it had seemed like a good one at the time, especially when you were in desperate need of a distraction from the disdain of watching katsuki walk away that night.

he was the last person you expected to see, just weeks later, knees tucked up to his chest he tugs on the sleeve of his shirt. judging by the doctor's evident discomfort, you can safely assume that they were chased out of the room by his biting insults and threats. you spare them a gentle pat on the arm as you pass, soon to stand in the doorway and watch katsuki stand over the bed, which is occupied by a woman with strikingly similar features. your eyes flit over the nametag plastered on the bedframe, and it takes great strength to swallow the woeful sound building in your throat.

mitsuki bakugou.

"—and he has this way about him that never fails to make my heart flutter."

katsuki doesn't approach you for another three painstakingly slow-moving days, and when he does, it is nothing like you imagined. he fumbles for a moment, and you think you've died or you're dreaming because there's no way the boy you fell in love with gets so shaken up over nothing. self loathing is an awful shade on him, but you don't know what he should be angry at himself for if he's done nothing wrong. through gritted teeth, he claims otherwise, pacing the vast field and carding his fingers through his hair, unintentionally tempting you to stop his fretting with a kiss.

it can't end like this. the ties of your future are snapping at an alarming rate, and without his help, you aren't strong enough to hold them together. the realization hits you at full speed, pushing the air from your lungs and causing the mouth to turn dry. you remember every little perfect thing about him, found through tireless digging and excavating of his person. you remember forcing him onto the back of a bike and riding him around town, hearing his complaints gradually fade into cackling laughter and poorly hidden squawks when you made a sharp turn into traffic. you remember the diner, where he insisted that you pace yourself with your milkshake, only for his advice to fall upon deaf ears. he'd guide you home with an arm wrapped around you waist, affirming you that no, "it was not a date, so stop calling it that", despite the warmness on his cheeks when you teased him about it. you remember all the moments where you'd catch his scowl morph into a smile as he watched people, trapped in the happiest instants of their life; the feeling of pride as you saw his callous exterior fade into something gentler, even if only when you were around. "you can't keep doing this to her." katsuki's nose wrinkles, solemnity gracing his expression as he nods at nothing in particular. "you're only prolonging her pain." he nods again, firmer this time, and laces his fingers with yours. whether he's conscious of this or not, you don't care to ask—it's pleasant all the same, and you'd like the cherish this moment for a while longer, if he'll have it. the idle ticking of your watch alerts you that midnight is nigh, and in knowing this, you turn on your side and reach to cup katsuki's face. those final seconds are engraved in your mind, just as the sensation of your lips melding together shall remain for years to come, after all this has passed and everything is as it should be.

the very next morning, you awake with the phantom feeling of coffee stained parchment on the pads of your fingers, and the delicate scrawl of ink beneath them. the last pages of your journal lay open under the bands of light streaming in through your curtains, and with a giddy grin, you register the faint pounding at your front door, along with katsuki's halfhearted threats for you to get up. "—dear diary, this boyhood has been a complete and utter mess. but so is he, and damn it if i don't love him all the same."

#💥.katsuki #bakugou x male reader #katsuki bakugou x male reader #male reader insert #mha x male reader #gn reader #bakugou x gn!reader #mha x gn!reader #boku no hero x reader #bakugou x you #fluff #angst

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ghostdrew22 · 3 years

Text

Angel || Draco Malfoy

Requested: No. Pairing: post-war Draco Malfoy x fem!reader Warnings: Lots of angst in the beginning, mentions of self-harm/self-destructive behavior, mentions of blood, quite a few mentions of the devil, ptsd, just a lot of dark themes ig (let me know if i need to add another warning) Summary: You’ve always been an angel in Draco’s eyes and now, years after the war, he’s reminded why once again.

WORDS: 3440

I’ve been wanting to write about the ‘devil on the shoulder’ trope for a while and I felt like @anchoeritic‘s 3K WRITING CHALLENGE was the perfect opportunity though i think i lost the plot a bit at some point and this probably isn’t what you had in mind.

i had to do so much research for this, probably the most research i’ve ever done for a fic. It’s a lot heavier than I’d intended for it to be (i almost cried at certain points) but I still really love it.

anyway this fic is inspired by ‘Angel’ by FINNEAS (which is a great song that I recommend listening to) and i hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

~~~

Anger.

So much anger that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Red, hot, fury just begging to be unleashed.

He takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes. When he opens them again his fist collides with the wall. “Fuck!”

The miniature Mephistopheles that’s made home on his shoulder tells him to keep going, that this is the only rational response. Draco heeds the advice until his knuckles are bleeding and there’s a dent in the wall.

He lets out a frustrated sigh as he thinks about you returning in a few hours, then he punches the spot one last time out of frustration. Draco’s own love for destruction lies parallel to the myths surrounding Beelzebub, his own virtues bringing him to peril instead of an unseen force of evil. But it’s much easier to believe that the voice always telling him to do wrong, is not his own.

Maybe this is who he is, a fucked up kid with anger issues. Maybe this is all he’ll ever be, knuckles spotted in crimson and harmful thoughts being shoved down as to not raise alarm.

He feels violated by the mark on his arm. Sobs stacking up in his lungs at the very thought, but all he can express is anger- all he can understand is the resent that crawls beneath his skin and settles into his bones like calcium.

Was it his choice? No. Did it matter? No. Choice means nothing in a world run by circumstance. Intention holds no value when there’s no action to follow through. In another world, a better world perhaps, he would’ve had the right to choose and he hopes that he would’ve chosen the right side- the good side.

Forgiveness, they say, is often practiced by the strong willed. He’d tried to forgive, he really had, but Iblis had told him that it didn’t matter who he forgave because they’d still done this to him anyway- they’d still sold his soul to the Devil.

“Draco, when will you forgive me?” She pleads and he shrugs with a thin smile.

“I don’t know mother. I don’t know.”

“It’s been years.” He turns a steal glaze toward her.

“And yet I still can’t get the mark off.”

“What am I meant to do?”

“There’s nothing you can do. It’s too late to do the right thing.”

“What would the right thing have been back then? Huh?”

“The right thing to do would’ve been to protect me.”

“I did protect you. I took the Vow for you!” She yells as she stands out of her chair and points an accusatory finger toward him. He’s seen this scene so many times before that it’s permanently imprinted in his mind, but this time he’s not a scared teenager being scolded by his mother.

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” He stands as well, “I just asked you to save me. Why didn’t you save me?”

“What?” She’s taken aback,

“Summer before fifth. You told me that you’d had enough of him, you told me that we were going to leave and run away so that you could save me from him, from all of them.”

“So now you hate me because I couldn’t leave your bigoted father?”

“No, mother. I hate myself because you couldn’t leave my bigoted father.” He tucks his chair back into the table and pulls out his wand, “Thank you for dinner mother, it was lovely.”

Then he’s gone, and he doesn’t come back.

Draco had shut himself out from the world, hoping that his loathing would dissipate with time but it hadn’t. He still wakes up every morning with that tiny voice reminding him that he’s worthless, and he still believes it.

Why had he done it? Why had he allowed them to put the mark on his arm in the first place? Why had he put his own morals, his own principles, on the line to save a family who might not have done the same for him? Why had he allowed himself to succumb to the many ministrations of Diabolous, which dragged him further and further down the dark side?

Weakness. That’s the only answer he can conceive. Or maybe that’s the sound of Lucifer on his shoulder, consistently reminding him that he’s no match for the evil that resides deep within his soul. He can’t fight it, it’s who he is. He’s weak and he’s unholy. Bathed so often in sin that it’s sunk into his DNA. Does that even make sense?

Draco shakes his head and runs his hands down his face in an attempt to ground himself. But it doesn’t work, all he can see is red and all he can hear is his own conscience belittling him for continuously making the wrong choices. Why does he always make the wrong choices?

His throat so dry it feels as though he’s swallowed sand. His palms sweaty like he’s dipped them in oil. He paces around the room in a desperate effort to remember where you’d placed the box last time this happened. He can feel himself disconnecting from the world, feel himself sinking further and further into the dredges of his mind that torment him most.

That part of his brain that holds the memories, the shame, the anguish, is his biggest obstacle in recovery. It’s always on good days, days when… He blinks when he realizes that no fond memories come to mind. Does he even have good days? Or does this always happen, is this what’s become normal for him?

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and steps back in shock, completely forgetting about his mission to find the box. The man in front of him looks clean, taken care of. When had he become this man and stopped being the terrified teenager that never ate and wore bags beneath his eyelids like name tags.

There is muscle on his arms, taut beneath the dress shirt that he must’ve put on that morning before going to classes… or work? When had he earned the right to stop looking the way he felt? Which of his actions had merited his beauty returning, when the dark mark still lays clear beneath the dress shirt that he’s got on? There are hickeys along his chest- one, two, three, littered around his torso like a map to his heart- and he can only assume that they’d been left in the wake of your last meeting, because he can’t seem to piece together the memory of them being made.

You. Where are you? Why can’t he remember where you are or what you look like? Did you finally leave? Did you finally realise that he wasn’t worth any of the pain and anguish that he’d put you through? Had you ultimately decided that Draco and the dark mark could not be separated, both physically and mentally? Maybe he never managed to redeem himself in your eyes, and it hurt so much to lose you that he made himself forget.

Redemption, he’d searched far and wide for it. He’d spent the months after the war trying to find some spiritual cleanse for the ailment in his essence, had dabbled in every muggle religion he came across in hopes of finding something that would provide him freedom from guilt. The Bible, the Qur’an, the Gita, the Torah, the Guru Granth Sahib, the Tripitaka- none of the holy books he’d read had promised him enough solace to feel deserving of love from a higher entity. They had all just reminded him of the purity and innocence that muggles embodied, the same qualities he came so close to erasing.

Redemption wasn’t in the cards for him. If it had been a game of Poker, Draco would’ve been the first fold with the knowledge that he didn’t stand a chance against the better players at the table. Who were the better players? He didn’t really know, he just knew that he wasn’t one of them.

His eyes drift toward his reflection once more and he feels disgust crawl through his anatomy. Nausea, a familiar friend in times like these, making itself comfortable in the barrel of his gut. Why had he even eaten today anyway? Sustenance won’t fill the emptiness that’s making domicile in his chest, it won’t make him less of a habitat to repulsive regret and desolation.

He walks toward the dresser and picks up a pocket knife that’s sitting in-between some make up and a music box. Then like deja vu he can already feel the weapon pinching, digging beneath his skin as if it’s trying to excavate bone. He recalls blood pouring out, drowning his pale skin in spills of vermillion and carmine, and dropping to the floor. The floor, chalky tile with tiny chards of black glass engrained in it, something that he hadn’t come up with himself but liked anyway. Who had come up with that again?

Screams, familiar but unrecognizable, had filled his ears soon after. He remembers his arm being wrapped in a bandage, him being carried off the bathroom floor and taken to the Hogwarts infirmary, no, it was actually St Mungo’s. He remembers being treated and loud cries settling down into comforting whispers beside him. He remembers feather light touches being placed on his face and kisses settling onto the skin of his palm.

He remembers something good, but he doesn’t know what.

He remembers the injury, and knows that it didn’t work.

Draco takes a deep breath and puts the knife back down. Staring at his reflection once more he sees that the man standing before him is not the same child that had stepped into battle way back when. When was that? Months? Years? He can’t tell.

The box. The box will tell him. But he doesn’t know where it is, he doesn’t even know where he is anymore. This room is definitely not his Hogwarts dorm room, it’s not in Hogwarts at all, and it’s not his room in the Manor either. Where is he?

His eyes shoot up when he hears a door shutting, and soon after voices follow suit. The voices are coming toward him, in this strange room that he’s in, and Draco struggles to identify them. His dorm mates potentially? No, this clearly isn’t Hogwarts. Friends? His mother? You?

Then there’s a laugh, from a child, from two children, and suddenly none of it makes sense any more. He knows those voices, he knows those laughs, so well that they might as well be his own, but he can’t seem to attach faces or names to them.

A few of the voices drift off, further down the hall, and one gets louder as the door to the bedroom opens. Draco holds his breath as the person walks in, not knowing what to expect, and feels a confused sense of relief wash over him when he sees you standing there.

You laugh as you enter the room, “If you can get an outstanding in Transfiguration then we’ll get you whatever your heart desires.” You respond to your daughter as you recall how both you and Draco had struggled with the subject during your Hogwarts years.

You furrow your eyebrows at the state of your bedroom- documents scattered across the bed, clothes in tiny piles all over the floor, and a tiny dent in the wall beside the bathroom door. A sigh escapes your lips as you process the mess and prepare yourself for what’s about to come. You turn and your eyes land on your husband, and your heart breaks at the sight of him. He’d promised this morning that he’d be fine, it was the only reason that you’d left him alone, but clearly he wasn’t.

“Love? Are you okay?” You ask softly as you take the shoes off of your feet and close your bedroom door behind you. He tilts his head to the side momentarily in confusion, but then realisation flashes across his eyes and he takes quick strides toward you.

“Oof.” You breathe out when he pulls you into his chest and rests his forehead on your shoulder.

“Y/N.” He muffles into your shoulder and you feel your heart swell with love for him- this man who recognizes you instantly, even when the entire world is nothing more than a distant memory.

“Miss me?” You ask with a small laugh as you bring your hands up to wrap around him tightly. He mumbles an agreement and you smile, “I missed you too.”

“Bad day.” He whispers and you nod, rubbing his back in an effort to soothe him.

“I know baby, wanna talk about it?”

“No. Can’t remember.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” You pull him away from you and kiss his forehead with a warm smile, “We can just lie down for a while.”

He obliges as you pull him toward the bed and shuffle the papers off of it, climbing on after you and setting his head in your chest. You run your fingers through his hair and hum, trying to your best to make him feel calm and prevent another breakdown.

But your efforts are futile, within the hours that Draco had been alone he’d thought every terrible thought that he possibly could, Al-Shaitan had already tormented your husband through a series of painful misconceptions. Draco had never really subscribed to religion or faith but after the war he’d identified quite quickly with the concept of the Devil- confessing that he believed he had an evil conspirator sitting on his shoulder- and felt that his own soul deserved to be damned. You’d tried to rid him of that notion, many times, but it never worked, he was in too deep.

You tense up when you feel a cry escape his lips and his fingers tighten into the space of your torso. “I’m sorry.”

He feels terrible, terrible for ruining all of your hard work. All the effort you’d put into rebuilding him now disintegrating in the blink of an eye. But you’re here now, you’re going to fix him again, he knows it.

You try to level your breathing so that you don’t cry too, so that you don’t fall into this pit of despair with him, because Merlin knows that any pain Draco feels takes as rough a toll on you. You pull him off of you and sit up, bringing him to sit as well, so that you can look him in the eyes.

“Sorry for what Bub?”

“For being broken. I-“ He feels another sob rock through him and you pull him into your chest. “Please fix me Y/N.” He pleads, a whimper following suit.

His fingers are digging into you again, he’s clinging so tightly to you like you’ll disappear if he doesn’t stay close enough, and it hurts you to know that even after all these years he’s scared that you’ll leave.

“You’re not broken Draco, there’s nothing to fix.”

“But I’m- I’m-“ Cries start to escape rapidly and interrupt him. He can’t see clearly anymore as tears form in his waterline and obstruct his view of you. It hurts, everything just hurts.

“You’re not broken, my love.” You whisper as you cup his face, “You’re not evil, you’re not bad. You’re good. You’re my husband, I love you. Did you open the box?”

He shakes his head, “Couldn’t find it.”

“Okay, let me get i-“ You’re cut off by your bedroom door opening and your children marching in.

“Dad, you’ll never guess what happened at school today- Oh, is this a bad time?” Ariel, your daughter, stops in her tracks as she raises her eyebrows at you.

You shake your head and gesture for them to come in. “I think it just got a little much for him this year. Please get me the box, love.”

Ariel goes to the headboard and pulls out the aforementioned box from the first drawer, before her and Cael, your son, get comfortable on the bed beside you and Draco. But Draco doesn’t need it anymore, he can already sense himself coming back down to earth. He knows where he is- with you, in your house, with your children, in your bed. He’s home, he’s safe.

He takes the box anyway and begins to unload its contents in silence, the three of you observing him with admiration. It’s a small circular box that your children made a few years back after witnessing one of his episodes for the first time, containing momentos from the last 18 years of you and Draco’s lives together. Pictures, notes, a few school projects.

“Tell him about what happened at school today, it’ll probably make him laugh.” Cael encourages his older sister Ariel, and she does as told.

Draco pays a significant amount of attention to the story, piecing together facts that he’s slowly starting to understand and recognize as a part of his normal life. He intertwines his fingers with Cael’s as Ariel continues telling the story from her spot on your lap.

Love.

So much love that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Bursts of it just choking him out.

Draco remembers everything now. He remembers this house of yours, the one he’d bought straight out of Hogwarts and begged you to live in with him because “It’s nothing without you in it”. These children that you’d had 14 years ago, that’d he’d been so scared to raise because he thought they’d resent him, and that made everything in the world just seem brighter. This life that he modeled with you on the embers of his haunting past, this life that reminds him he’s good.

Before you, he would’ve been terrified to show any one his vulnerable side, especially his children, but you’d taught him that loving someone means loving all the good bits and the bad bits, all the happy moments and the sad moments. Now he knows that when days like this happen, when he gets so lost inside the mental maze of his own construction, the three of you will always be waiting to help him out.

Ariel finishes her story and Draco bellows out a laugh, feeling thankful to have you three around in his moments of weakness.

His three guardian angels- the only people who can always lead him away from the shadow in his mind and toward the luminescence that he carries within him. “All the good within us is split in the middle, half from you and half from mum, just as it should be. I hope you remember that we wouldn’t be who we are without you both.” Cael suddenly speaks up and you smile pridefully at him.

“They wouldn’t.” You add once he’s done and smile, “I couldn’t have done such a bad job without you.”

“Hey!” Ariel accuses and you all laugh.

“She’s right though, I am the one who taught you hexes at age 7.” Draco grins bashfully and you roll your eyes.

“And look at us now, acing Charms!”

“See love,” Draco turns to you, “There is a method to my madness.”

“Mhmm.” You hum with a small smile. “Go do your homework, dinner soon.”

“Yes, I’m making pizza tonight.” Draco adds as he kisses both of your children on their foreheads.

They excitedly hop off the bed and run out of the room. “I can’t belie-“

“Harry called.” Draco interrupts you and your eyes go wide at his statement but you nod for him to continue, “He wanted to know how I was doing, you know with it having been 18 years since the war and all. Offered to come spend the day with me and make sure I’d be alright while you were gone.”

“And you said no?” You raise your eyebrows and he shakes his head.

“No, I told him that I’d come by his office instead. Then when I was getting ready… I just started having flashbacks again, and my mark hurt. I felt horrible all of a sudden, like there was huge weight on my chest and this fog obscuring my vision.”

There are few things that Draco has faith in, but you, you he never runs short on trust for. You’re a constant in his life, a shoulder that he can always rely on when he needs it, and as he sits here and tells you about his day, he feels love for you hit him tenfold.

You, this beautiful, kind, ethereal being that has no place on earth. You, the one who’s managed to convince him that saints are real. You, who has given him your entire life, along with all the love that you have to offer. You, Y/N, the love of his life.

You.

An angel.

~~~

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#draco #draco x y/n #draco imagine #draco fanfiction #draco fluff #draco angst #draco x reader #draco malfoy #draco malfoy angst #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy fluff #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fanfiction #harry potter x reader #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #kelly’s 3k wc !

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gaylotusthatexists · 4 years

Text

undesirable

pairing: platonic dlampr ig? focused more on platonic logicality

summary: Logan realises that the others don’t give him physical affection as much as they do for everyone else, and conducts an experiment in order to make himself more ‘desirable’.

trigger warnings: sympathetic janus and remus, touch starvation, negative self talk, please let me know if i need to add anything else

word count: 3233

a/n: so this idea came to me due to this thread with @5-falsehoods-phonated so i wrote this entire thing in one go last night. logan bby i am sorry. i hope y’all enjoy~

ao3

Patton hugged him today, for... the first time in a while, Logan was pretty sure. He couldn't remember that last time he was physical with any of the other sides, preferring to keep his distance, not really feeling like he needed it. Studies had shown that physical affection was important in a human's development, and he knew how important physical affection was to Thomas himself, how people... enjoyed it? Logan wasn't human, though - he never really considered that he'd need it, that he'd want it.

Did he want it? It had felt nice, warm, comforting when Patton had hugged him earlier. Why had Patton hugged him again? Patton had been... excited, Logan was pretty sure. He thought that Logan's idea had been good, and in turn given him a hug to display that... happiness? And it hadn't been terrible, Logan supposed. Startling at first, of course, and he hadn't been quite sure on how to respond, wasn't sure what the proper hugging etiquette was. That was kind of concerning - did he really have so little hugs that he didn't even know how to react when someone gave him one? Surely he should know what to do with that. Surely he should have known how much physical touch burned, in a... good way.

He wanted to hug Patton again, but wasn't quite sure how to initiate it. Just asking for a hug would seem uncharacteristic of Logan - Patton would assume something was wrong, which wasn't true, of course, but Logan wouldn't know what to tell him. He'd hugged him after he explained his idea, so maybe just having good ideas was the way to go? But Logan put his ideas forward all the time, and they had never received that kind of response. In fact, it wasn't even his best idea, so...

Logan scooted over to his computer and opened a word document, beginning to type down his ideas for a new experiment. An attempt to figure out how physical affection worked, why it felt so good, and how he was to get it. He felt... stupid, as he typed up his hypothesis, his brain telling him he was pathetic for even wanting that, but his arms were cold and he was desperate to feel that heat again, he needed this.

~*~

Day one. Logan had stayed up late the night before, researching why people formed relationships, what it was about people that made other people want to touch them. He hadn't found any solid advice, nothing real - all just stuff about feelings, things that he didn't, couldn't understand. So instead, he decided to take the day to observe the others in action, figure out what made them initiate hugs or the like. Perhaps if he could document the behaviours and attempt to imitate them, people would find him more 'desirable' to engage with.

He hadn't realised before just how much the others touched each other. It seemed like everywhere he looked, someone was touching another. Roman and Virgil curled up on the sofa watching movies, Patton and Janus making cookies in the kitchen with their shoulders touching. Why was it that whenever Logan did those activities, everyone kept their distance? He occasionally would watch documentaries with Virgil, those David Attenborough ones that Virgil said helped to 'calm' him, but Virgil had never tried to cuddle Logan on those nights. And then when Logan cooked dinner with Patton or Janus, they always stayed on their own side of the kitchen, nowhere near close enough to just casually touch.

That got him thinking - was there something wrong with Logan himself? Was it something about him that just... made the others not want to go near him?

Perhaps Logan needed to change a lot more than just his behaviour, if that was the case.

From his spot on the couch, he looked over at Remus and Janus standing by the stairs, Remus telling some sort of joke. Janus started laughing, and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. They got closer and closer until they were hugging, and Logan felt... something, deep in his chest. Anger? Sadness?

Jealousy?

No, no, Logan had never been jealous before, had he?

He looked away, glancing into the kitchen. Virgil sat on the side with his legs swinging back and forth, and Patton stood between them, his arms wrapped around Virgil's waist. They looked happy, which just made Logan feel awful. Then he looked at Roman on the sofa with him, shuffled all the way to the other side, eyes fixed on the tv screen, not even thinking about Logan. Which just filled Logan with... rage.

Logan stood up and stormed upstairs, pushing past Remus and Janus and, in doing so, brushing against Remus' hand. He loved it. He wanted to reached down and grip Remus' hand tight, twist their fingers together, but... he couldn't. He ignored the concerned stares from the others as he went into his room, slamming his door shut.

~*~

Logan tried to research more, but all the stuff he could find was on abstract emotions, things that didn't quite make sense and Logan couldn't just do. So, he decided to try a different strategy. From the parts of the research he did understand, he had gathered that people tended to be physical with those they found attractive, so perhaps if Logan made himself appear more attractive, the other sides would be more inclined to perform physical acts with him.

What was it about a person that made them attractive?

Logan tried to think about who he found attractive, but that proved to be difficult. He then tried to think about who Thomas found attractive, but that wasn't much help, as Thomas himself didn't look much like any of his celebrity crushes. Logan supposed he could always shape-shift, but that seemed... wrong, manipulative, like he was tricking the others. No, no, he needed a different approach.

Maybe he needed to be more like what the others found attractive?

Humming, Logan grabbed his recorder and left his room, heading down into the commons. An interview would be a good idea, valuable to his research. Who to interview, though...

Patton was in the kitchen, preparing dinner. None of the others were in sight. Okay, Patton it was.

~*~

Interview One. Date: July Seventeenth. Subject: Patton Sanders.

Uh, do you have to-

The recording is important evidence for my research, Patton.

...okay. What exactly are you researching?

I can't tell you that, or the data may come out false. This needs to be unbiased.

Alright then. Be quick, though. I need to keep an eye on the cooking.

Of course. Question one: on a physical level, what do you find attractive in another person?

...

Answer the question, please, Patton.

Uh, I don't know. Everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Yes, but is there anything specific?

I don't know. I like people who can make me laugh?

...that isn't a physical quality.

Well, the 'physical qualities' don't really matter that much. I mean, I guess there are some people I find prettier than others, but really it's the personality that matters more.

Hmm. Interesting.

Why are you asking this?

I told you before, it's for science.

Do you... need to talk?

No, Patton, I'm-

You look rather pale, are you okay?

I- I think I'll end the interview here.

~*~

That had been a complete waste of time, Logan realised. Personality? How was Logan supposed to change his personality? He could easily make himself more physically attractive, it was fairly simple to alter one's body or change their hair style, or, in Logan's case, shape-shift into the perfect man, but... changing his personality in general was a lot more difficult.

And... it got him thinking, sent his mind to places he'd rather not go. Was he really that undesirable? Just because of the way he was as a person? Did Patton rarely give him affection because he just hated him so much?

Something wet dripped down Logan's cheek. Frowning, he looked up, but saw no signs of a leak or any water above. And he wasn't sweating or anything, so...

Was that a tear? That didn't sound right. Logan had never cried before. And he wasn't sad, was he?

Perhaps he just needed a different test subject. Chances were, Patton was just an anomaly. He must be able to get more concise, useful data somewhere else, right?

~*~

Interview Two. Date: July Eighteenth. Subject: Roman Sanders.

Can we make this quick? Thomas really needs my help with this new video idea-

Of course, I only have a few questions. Firstly: what do you find most important, appearance or personality?

Uhh... that kinda depends? Are we talking about what I look for in a romantic partner?

...sure, if you want to think of it that way.

Well, appearance obviously plays a big part, although if I don't like someone as a person I'm not going to get in a relationship with them, you know?

So, what you're saying is they're... equally important?

Yeah, I guess.

Huh. Alright, second question: what do you find physically attractive in a guy?

Oh! Oh, there's... actually a lot, there. The eyes are what I first look at, usually. And the hair. Oh, and muscles! Big strong lads are great. But not, like, aggressively muscular. Like, a soft side is nice too. Fashion is a big thing as well, I guess. Like, guys in crop tops? Amazing. Tanks tops as well - it's the arms, I think.

Interesting. So... a fit person?

Sure. I mean, it's not super important, but like if someone clearly frequents the gym, they've caught my eye, y'know?

Alright. Thank you. Uh, final question: what do you find attractive in someone's personality, if anything?

...hmm. Well, someone who shares the same interests, I suppose. Y'know, someone I can talk to. Good humour. Confidence.

Confidence?

Yeah. Like, I like it when a person knows what they're doing, when it seems as though they aren't afraid of anything.

Oh.

Is there any reasons for these question?

No, no reason in particular. Just... for science.

~*~

It had been several weeks since his conversation with Roman, during which Logan had been working out every day, using Roman's old gym in the Imagination, mostly running on the treadmill and lifting weights - weights more often, as Roman had stressed the important of arms. He'd also talked to a couple of the others, who had essentially given the same opinions as Roman - in particular, Virgil had gone on about how a sense of style helped, and Remus had explained more about the muscle situation.

Nothing much had seemed to change, though. Logan had attempted to change how he presented himself, even taking off his tie some days in an attempt to make himself look less serious. He had considered investing in some crop tops, but couldn't imagine himself wearing anything not tucked in, so that idea was quickly abandoned. Then he thought about stealing some of Remus' tank tops - and even had, briefly, only to discover that he just looked uncomfortable, plus he had begun to smell like Remus which was certainly less than desirable. He'd even tried walking around shirtless one morning, but that had only earned him a couple of weird stares, confusion, concern.

He'd experimented more and more with his appearance, changing his hair style every few days, wearing different coloured contacts in his eyes, even wearing makeup a few times to see if that did anything. But still nothing. The other sides still kept far, far away from him, just like they always did. He didn't understand what he was doing wrong.

It did occur to him a few times that he could just ask the others to give him a hug. Patton would probably comply, even if it was just out of pity. But then that wouldn't prove anything, wouldn't change anything. And there was always the chance that they'd say no, and... Logan wasn't sure if he could handle that. He already suspected that the others thought he was undesirable, but hearing it would be different. Strange, he'd never been afraid of rejection before.

~*~

Date: August Fifth. Subject: Patton Sanders. Objective: physical affection.

I am aware that this is a bad idea, but it is pivotal to my research that I at least attempt. Worst case scenario, Patton explains that he's too busy, and we never have to speak of this again. Best case scenario, I finally get that 'hug' that I've been... craving? I believe that's the word, although I will make a note here to look it up later. I am now approaching the kitchen, where Patton is preparing dinner alone. My recorder will be placed in my pocket, as holding it may make the experiment more troublesome, I hope the audio will not be too muffled.

Oh, hey Logan!

Good evening, Patton. I'm...

Are you alright?

Yes, of course. I'm just- doing that experiment still, and need more data.

Oh, of course! Do you have more questions? I just put our food in the oven, so I have time to talk if you want to.

Um, it's- I don't really need to ask any more 'questions', per se, just...

...what is it, Logan? You look nervous, do you-

I'm fine. I- [deep breath] Would you be willing to engage in... physical contact, with me? A, uh... y'know-

...are you asking me to hug you?

Yes. If- If that's okay with you. If not, that's fine, but it would helpful for my research. Although I- I can leave, if you want me to, of course. It's- I have enough verbal data to complete the experiment regardless.

...

Logan, can I... Can I ask you something, instead?

Uhm, yeah, sure.

What exactly is your experiment about?

...

Logan?

I have to go.

~*~

Logan laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and hugging himself, clutching on tightly to his shoulders. He couldn't stop himself from crying, and he didn't know why, didn't understand what was going on with him. It wasn't as though Patton had rejected him. Just... maybe he was beginning to realise just how stupid this whole experiment was. It wasn't as if he could force the others to like him. He should've just asked in the first place, then... then maybe it wouldn't have gone this far.

He didn't understand what he was doing wrong. He'd tried everything he could think of, but nothing worked. He'd tried every combination of different appearances, tried to act differently around different people - more confident in front of Roman, more sensitive in front of Virgil, more friendly in front of Patton. Still, nothing. Nothing had changed, and nothing was going to change. This had all been a waste.

Logan took out his recorder and listened back to his logs, to the interviews, to his two am rambles, trying to figure out if there was anything that he was missing, any detail he'd forgotten about. Then he moved to his laptop and scrolled through his document, checked through all of his data, all of his calculations, but still couldn't find a single thing wrong. Perhaps he just needed to admit the fact that he was undesirable, unloveable. There was nothing that could change that, nothing that could make him better.

This was fine. It wasn't as if he needed it - he'd gone on this long without it before, he could cope with never having it at all. Couldn't really miss what he'd never had.

~*~

Date: August Seventh. Subject: ...I'm not sure yet. Logan Sanders, possibly? Or everyone. We'll see how this goes. Objective: ...I don't know.

I haven't left my room since the encounter with Patton in my last recording, although have been communicating with the others via text. They have asked me to join them in the commons for a talk. What this is about, I have no idea, but I will record it just in case, for future reference.

...

Logan!

Good evening, Patton. (I am now sitting down on the couch. All five other sides are here, and they look... concerned?)

What are you doing with that?

I'm just recording this conversation for future reference. You know, the experiment and all.

Yeah, about that. I- We'd like to talk to you about that.

You... would? (Patton seems to be taking charge of the conversation, but the others are all staring at me, intensely.)

I- I did ask the other day and you didn't respond but... what is the experiment about? We're... all a little worried, in all honesty.

(Interesting.) Why are you worried?

... You've been acting weirdly recently, Logan. You have to admit that.

(He's not wrong. That was a fear when I first started the experiment. Perhaps I should start again.)

Logan, can you stop talking to your recorder and just... listen to us? Tell us what's wrong?

There isn't anything wrong. I told you, this is all purely for science.

What's the experiment about?

I... (I'll have to start the experiment over again anyway, as it so clearly failed. New test subjects with therefore be required. Due to this, there is nothing wrong with telling everybody now.) I realised that... out of all six of us, you guys seem to come to me the least for acts of physical affections, if you come to me at all, so I wanted to understand why, and attempt to change myself to better fit to your standards required for wanting to participate in physical relationships with others. I... was attempting to make myself more 'compatible', I guess. More desirable.

...

...Patton?

...

Patton, are you crying? Did I say something wrong?

...Logan, can you turn off the recording?

~*~

Logan sat in the middle of the couch, with the other five surrounding him, engulfing him in a 'cuddle pile', as Patton had called it. It was nice, he decided. Warm. He wasn't quite sure what he was meant to do, but was grateful for the warmth of skin to skin contact, for the safety he felt as the others wrapped their arms around him. Why had he never done this before? Was it that he never wanted to, or... was it that he never asked?

Patton had tried to explain that they all tried to keep their distance from Logan because they thought that was what he wanted, that he'd be uncomfortable with hugs all the time. Logan had tried to explain back that, yes, in the past he hadn't quite understood the appeal of physical affection, but had since began to 'crave' it, to want it more than anything. Patton had asked why he hadn't just asked the others to hug him, and Logan had answered that he didn't know how to ask, or didn't want to sound desperate. Then Patton had reassured him that there was nothing wrong was wanting to be touched, and that he didn't need to be afraid to ask for it if he needed that. He'd told Logan that there was nothing Logan needed to change about himself - they all liked him just the way he was.

The experiment had been... successful, in a roundabout way. He'd achieved physical affection, at least? Although all that research had been for nothing. It wasn't as though he hadn't learned anything, though. He learned that... it was okay to ask, it didn't make him weak or pathetic or desperate. He wasn't undesirable. And the others weren't going to let go.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #platonic dlampr #touch starvation #my writing #my fanfic

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fairycosmos · 3 years

Note

Me and my bf are long distance and it’s been a year and half we haven’t seen each other bc of corona and I’m worried because he hasn’t messaged me all day Today and he’s done this before where he just doesn’t message me and he hates reassuring me and I’m worried that he’s with somebody else bc I would never know I rang him and he didn’t pick up he hasn’t replied to me since 7pm yesterday and I just worry where is he who is he with and why doesn’t he like me what did I do wrong ? Why doesn’t he like talking to me anymore. I don’t have any friends and i have no one to talk to and I’m trying to give him space but I’m just getting vibes he doesn’t like me anymore and I don’t know what to do and I’ll really miss him when he’s gone but am I overreacting or would you feel the same as well. ? Sorry for the long message I don’t have anyone to tell and he hates talking to me todya and always about this stuff. And I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I never know if I have issues and I’m too clingy andit’s normal he doesn’t think of me some days. Xx

hey don’t worry, it’s ok. if you want my opinion well - first of all your feelings are (sorry for using this word) valid and understandable. being new to dating and figuring out your boundaries, and your partners boundaries, their communication style and your communication style etc is really difficult. and sometimes it can feel impossible when there’s little effort from the other side. it’s not right that he ignores you for so long and it’s alright to process sadness, anger, and pain because of it. it also makes sense that if this is a consistent pattern, you’re starting to think he’s seeing someone else. i want you to know that if that does turn out to be the case it won’t be because of you. HIS actions are a reflection of HIM, not of you or your worth. i think the best course of action would be to figure out how to take those emotions and process in a healthy way that would benefit the relationship. let them spur you into honesty. if he needs space then that’s fine but it’s his responsibility to make that clear to you and to still treat you like his girlfriend, with respect and consideration, so you don’t get overwhelmed and start thinking you’ve done something wrong. i don’t think this is an issue with you or that you’ve made him dislike you somehow, it seems like it’s something he needs to work through himself. whenever he replies to you, i think it’d be good to tell him you guys need to talk about changing the way you deal with each other in the future. ask him what’s going on and let him know if he’s not feeling it anymore he should tell you. his reaction will tell you a lot, even if he doesn’t give an outright answer. if you both agree to continue the relationship, imo the next step would be figuring out each other’s ways of showing love/care. and if they conflict, maybe you could both come to a compromise where he still gets some alone time but you still get the confirmation and quality time (over text ig but you get my drift) that you need. i think what would really help is you guys finding a balance. if he’s not willing to do that or if he gets defensive or mad, then it might be time to re-evaluate whether or not he’s the type of person you want in your life. and if he agrees but then his behaviour stays the same or doesn’t get any better, then the same applies. because at that point it’ll be mad suspicious. i know that’s not what you want to hear but nobody else is going to fight for your worth but you. and you deserve someone who is on the same page as you, truly. there are a million other ppl out there who WOULD meet your needs/show that they care. it may take you a while to be able to fully accept that but it’s important to at least try, and to put your foot down when necessary, for your own peace of mind. i really hope you’re ok love and that no matter what happens you can be kind to yourself as you work through this situation. remember you were fine before him and if it comes to it, you’ll be fine after him. a mans neverrr a necessity. but yeah, talk to him if possible love and then go from there. sending you a lot of strength Xx

#anon #justmy opinion though if you feel differently go with what u think is best!!#ofc

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

Text

NOAH SAMPATH —

IG info/bio: @/noahknowspat | 275k followers | “A True Renaissance-Man.” | (currently his page is on private, which he often does several months out of the year

25 (26) years of age

Born & raised in Kandy, Sri Lanka until his mother decided to uproot him & his sibs to the uk leaving his father behind

Both of his parents are from Nuwara Eliya

His parents decided it would be best for just his wife & children to live elsewhere while he continued his work in hotel & tourism

Which to him, is the best job he’s ever had—in a sense it felt like he loved his job a little more than his family but Noah knew that wasn’t completely true

Noah figured there was something secretly going on between his parents, he noticed how they would argue more over the years & how his father was fond of their homeland while his mother was not

She did not have much family left, most either leaving the country or dying from sickness

He’s used to living in a bungalow since that’s what he grew up in

Moved to Romford which didn’t take long for him to get adjusted to, he was quick to adapt to situations since that’s normally expected of him as the eldest...

Lived with an aunt? Who really wasn’t a aunt in a cramped 2 bedroom apartment with a child of her own (who was around Noah’s age and favored Richa Moorjani) for a couple of years

Has two younger sibs: a 17 year old brother, and a 11 year old sister

His mother was m*rdered just before his 18th birthday, therefore he’s grown not to celebrate his birthdays even tho he knows deep down that’s not how his mother would have wanted him to go on

She was wise and often stayed up with the moon having conversations with her eldest—if not with all her children

but as he looked back on their conversations he could tell that his mother knew she wouldn’t be on this earth for long

Which showed him a different way of living

His father hated Romford, didn’t think it was the best/ safest place ( I did some research and mostly saw that this town is kinda rough. Anybody from the uk reading & have experience with the town please confirm? Not attending to offend anyone plus every place has its rough areas) for his family & felt his point was proven once his wife was k*lled

He demanded for his children to come back home but Noah wasn’t having it once he realized his father had changed & became aggressive himself

He hated confrontation but he was of age now so he could do what he wanted but there was no bloody way his sibs were going back with this man

He was not the man they all once knew—shit, his sibs BARELY knew him

So Noah fought a lengthy battle with guardianship over his siblings

It only became easy once money was involved for the man to back off

It was v difficult to manage a household and two children at 18-19 all on his own but he was willing to do it, he felt like it was part of his purpose

Plus his “auntie” & “cousin” came around quite often which helped somewhat & even tho the woman was gritty in how she carried herself, anyone could see she cared for Noah’s mother & her children otherwise she wouldn’t have been around before & after his mother’s death

She became like a second mum but no one would ever replace his mother

It was tough going through his early twenties...he had became a parent figure instead of going to uni to study archaeology

He loved fossils & dinosaurs as a kid

probably keeps up to date with any articles or shows that share their findings on prehistoric species in water or land (I find that shit so creepy yet interesting until I get too creeped out and leave lmao? especially dealing with the ocean!)

Enjoyed that American show called “siren”

He didn’t enjoy much of what usual twenty-something year olds would, he had to be home to take care of his siblings they became a major part of his life now

He is the type to bottle up his feelings. Ofc he jumped at the chance to raise his sibs without a question after seeing the state of his dad a week after his mum’s funeral but he knew he HAD feelings

He wasn’t a robot just because he tends to be quiet & observant

He had his low days too

But he would hide them in books, that was his safe haven, his escape

He loved working as a librarian even if he got shitted on for it

It never payed much even in his position but it brought him comfort that there were aisles of novels ready to tell him stories & found some relation to his own life

As if that wasn’t enough, he loved going to book shops as well. If he had enough $ leftover he would treat himself in a new book purchase

Will buy a new book even if he has piles of unread ones, which he does have a section of that in his room & in the corner of the living room

Has a kindle since it was the cheapest & can easily slip it into a bag if he can’t decide on what book to bring with him

Has glasses but prefers contacts, ‘i don’t want someone to think I’m that nerdy since I read out in public.’ He often thinks to himself—yet when he’s immerse in those pages the world goes silent around him

Collects vinyl toy figures and keeps them either on his mantle or built in shelves in his room

Loves coconut water & won’t drink any water unless it’s coconut

Got his gorgeous cheekbones from his dad

His father p*ssed during his 23rd year of life due to tsunami hitting the hotel he worked in

He took his sibs to their native land once it was safe and connected with their father’s side, which was bittersweet

I think I get Scorpio energy from noah? Idk but it’s in there somewhere

He likes cutting his food into smaller pieces no matter what it is, it’s just a habit since he did so for his younger sibs

Secretly it’s also easier for him since he feels like the dentist ruined one of his nerves once he got his wisdom teeth out

He hates the dentist

His baby sis is deaf & he absolutely took the time to learn sign language along with his brother

Chose buying her hearing aids over paying a monthly bill when $ got tight

His 17 year old brother now works a job & helps out the best way he can even if it took a bit of persuading from their cousin

They’re all extremely close and are aware what Noah’s done and continues to do for them

Probably enjoys painting even if he’s not the greatest at it, but there’s something about water color that is pleasing to his eyes

He’s had many jobs to keep food on the table and support his family but being a custodian paid him the most yet he couldn’t continue working overtime not when his sibs were as young as they once were. He had to let the job go, the money was great, his co-workers sucked since they never came to work leaving him with OT, but it was also a lot of gross work & the teenage girls were always hitting on him

Prone to taking on more than he can chew whether it’s in relationships or life situations

Has either one or two best friends outside of the villa & they’ve been tight since junior year

They didn’t approve of Noah stepping forward to take care of his sibs, knowing it would be a big responsibility & possibly put his life on hold

But they didn’t understand & came around to once they saw him in action & became supportive/proud

He knows they mean well?

Cannot dance

Owns a couple of blazers that he feels the most comfy in

Loves a good pin-striped dress shirt

Has soft thin wavy hair

Will sport a 5’oclock shadow if he’s stressed out, tired, or wants to show a more “mature” side of himself

Misses his mum’s Lamprais & kottu roti

He’s 5’11

Had 1-2 gfs before the villa & both of them were super lengthy relationships which there’s obviously nothing wrong with

Always trying to make it work even if there are signs of it failing

Is not the dominant one in relationships & usually wants to keep the peace—which falls back on him taking everything on his plate & bottling them up instead of addressing situations from the jump

Is observant but also likes to assume?

Tries to be honest & loyal

Once he’s in a relationship & it’s confirmed from the other, he is completely devoted & smitten

I think quality time is his love language

I also think he tried to play the violin growing up since he found that to be one of the instruments that holds so much passion

Likes period pieces minsus the racism :)

Has read Frankenstein countless of times over Shakespeare, he’s got good work, yeah? but it’s a bit overrated

Keeps in touch with rahim & feels he understands him on a level his mates of years do not

They go holiday together when Noah feels he can afford it, even if rahim says he can pay for it. It’s not a big deal

Yet it is. He feels insecure when someone feels like he can’t do something because of where he’s from & what he does for a living. It showed more in his relationship with hope

Sure she was constantly paying for things but when he silently took the initiative to do so it was automatically assume that he didn’t have it even with his wallet out to pay

There were plenty of flaws in his relationship with hope and it took forever for him to see the toxicity in it even if fans adored them together

I’ve decided that they won’t be endgame. Which breaks everyone’s hearts after he’s the one to surprisingly call it quits after 3 years. He thought it would get better once he realized they way the acted towards each other was not completely heathly but it got worse

So he did what he had to do with what was in the best interest of everyone & hope did not agree

It was heated, it was emotional, and there was a last moment of intimacy to seal the deal of their goodbyes

Then came the drama online, with interviews and people trying to bring Priya into the mix & Hope was always vocal so it became a bigger issue

Noah just wanted to heal on his own but he was never going to engage in the drama. If they were all back in the villa face to face he might have said something but he didn’t need his words twisted so he rose above it and knew the two would eventually along with the fans

To get over the breakup? He hung out a little later with his mates at CLUBS, visited rahim, spent more time with his sibs, read, and...reached out to...BLAKE

After almost two years with whoever (in my case it was henrik) she was freshly single herself & not really looking but knew Noah was trying to get underneath someone. A rebound? Since he couldn’t bring himself to do so with the girls around home

Blake knew what happened with hope. She along with mc & some fans saw it coming. She thought about it, really thought about it but decided that she wouldn’t be Noah’s rebound. She knew Noah just needed time and when he was ready, maybe she’d be around

Celeb crush: Gillian Anderson, Antonia Thomas, Tika Sumpter, Aja-Naomi King, Normani Kordei, & Sophie Turner

Who does Noah listen to? Hozier maybe? KWABS, Grace Carter, Seinabo Sey, Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Half Moon Run, Aisha Badru, Lianne La Havas, Dana Williams, Allan Rayman, Rationale, etc...

Anthem = Sid Sriram, “It isn’t true”

#litg #litg2 #litg s2 #litg nope #litg noah #litg hope #litg moodboard #litg headcanon #litg headcanons #I saved him for last for a reason lmao #I’m done now with s2 wooo!#tried to make this brief like marisols lol #I’m home with a foggy head so I feel like I could have done more but???#ok bye #my editing job was trash this time ew #litg3 #litg s3

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

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my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

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sweetsmellosuccess · 4 years

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TIFF 2020: Days 1 & 2

Films: 5 Best Film of the Day(s): One Night in Miami

One Night in Miami…: I guess you could form an argument that basing a film on a pre-existing play would make the feature easier to put together, but that wouldn’t be taking into account the tremendous differences between the mediums, their relative strengths and weaknesses. For her feature debut, the Oscar-winning actress Regina King has cinematically adapted the stage play by Kemp Powers about a fictionalized fateful night amongst four famous Black men in 1964. Those men, Malcolm X (Kingsley Ben-Adir), Jim Brown (Aldis Hodge), Sam Cooke (Leslie Odom Jr.), and Cassius Clay (Eli Goree), are all in town ostensibly to celebrate Clay’s beatdown of Sonny Liston to first become the heavyweight champion of the world at the tender age of 22. But the film puts them all together in Malcolm X’s modest hotel room, watched over by Nation of Islam security men, to spend a night, essentially, debating the merits of what they bring to the struggle for Black equality and economic emancipation, and arguing back and forth about their distinct positions. Here is precisely where many play adaptations falter, without the dramatic friction of a live performance to power the emotional core, such conventions generally fall flat on the screen, but King’s virtuoso acting instincts serve her able cast well, and her work with DP Tami Reiker allows the film to flow, seemingly organically between its few location movements. Working from a skilled script by Powers, the celebrated figures feel three dimensional, which gives even their more didactic diatribes (Malcolm), and pithy rebuttals (Cooke) enough weight to avoid sounding contrived. The cast work wonders on the material, granting a needed organic vibe to their nonfiction characters, echoing the essences without tipping into caricature. It’s a strong debut for King, and the film’s complex ruminations on the responsibility of successful Black people towards their community as a means of bringing attention to the country’s oppression couldn’t be more on point. At one point Clay tells Cooke the four of them will always remain friends, because they are among the few who can possibly understand what it’s like to be “young, Black, famous, righteous, and unapologetic.”

Shiva Baby: Danielle (Rachel Sennott) is in the midst of having a day. Turns out Max (Danny Deferrari), the sugar daddy with whom she has frequently been visiting as part of her regular prostitution gig, is somehow a friend or cousin of the deceased at the same Shiva she has come to attend with her well-meaning, but completely overwhelming parents (Polly Draper and Fred Melamed). If that weren’t enough in Emma Seligman’s spry comedy, Danielle is also horrified to find Maya (Molly Gordon), a successful young woman she’s known for years, and a recent ex, also there. Crammed into the Shiva house, full of cousins and aunts and uncles all kvetching about everyone else, and being physically grabbed and moved about by her mother, Danielle faces this house of horrors, with everyone commenting concernedly on her weight-loss (“You look like Gwyneth Paltrow — on food stamps!” her mother hisses at her), and her lack of job prospects when she graduates, and her parents telling scathingly embarrassing stories about her in front of Max and his shiksa wife (Dianna Argon), whose 18-month-old baby, her mom says is “freakishly pale — and no nose,” with no respite in sight. As a result of this sort of hyper-scrutiny, Danielle goes the only route that makes any sense: Lying to everybody about nearly everything, from her current major (“gender business”), to the many job interviews she has supposedly lined up. She’s just trying to get through the ordeal, one that Seligman, along with a continually spiraling score from Ariel Marx, ratchets up, until, near the end, poor Danielle is in a near fugue state, sweat glistening on her face, and the attendees, shot in unflattering slo-mo, and distorted lenses, take on the sheen of a waking nightmare. At a brisk 77 minutes, the film still doesn’t have quite enough to sustain its running time — at a certain point it begins doubling back on itself — but it’s still a lot of horrific fun, as Seligman expertly captures the absolute loss of agency one can feel, swallowed up in a claustrophobic family gathering, where escape feels futile.

Limbo: If Scotland has a cinematic identity, as such, it seems like the kind of place, desolate and unforgiving, where individuals come to exit regular society and come to a land filled with eccentric loners (stoic and unique in their oddities), in order to get better in touch with their souls. Ben Sharrock’s serio-comedy captures both the pitiless beauty of the land, and the lonely plight of a Syrian immigrant, Omar (Amir El-Masry), waiting with a group of other men from across the Middle East and Africa, on an island off the mainland, for word from the Immigration Office that his bid for political asylum has been accepted. Omar, sweet-faced and approachable, was a musician by trade in his native Syria, and walks around everywhere carrying his precious oud, bequeathed to him by his grandfather, also a musician, even though his right hand is locked in a cast from an unspecified injury. Even without the cast, however, you get the sense that his heart really isn’t into playing, despite the entreaties from Farhad (Vikash Bhai), his Afghani roomie and self-appointed “agent and manager,” who wants him to enter a local music contest. Omar is carrying a significant amount of weight beyond missing his mother’s fragrant home-cooking. Talking to her on the lone payphone on the island, where other immigrants-in-waiting stand in line for a chance to hear from home, she implores him to speak to his older brother, who chose to stay behind in Syria and fight in the Civil War that has plagued the region for years. Omar feels guilty for having left, and suffers from having disappointed his father in the process. It doesn’t help him that the culture he finds himself in seems so foreign to him, despite his speaking flawless English. Sharrock’s brand of deadpan perfectly suits the setting, but as funny as the film can be (when asked in a culture/language class to create a sentence using the “I used to” construction, one immigrant offers “I used to be happy before I came here”), it doesn’t paint a rosy affirmation for Omar and his ilk, stuck as they are, as the title suggests, between countries and lives. Omar’s pain is real, and for every positive step forward he takes, it’s one further away from his family and his beloved home country.

Enemies of the State: Sonia Kennebeck’s challenging and curious documentary seems at first to present a case for its protagonist, Matt DeHart, a young teen hacker interested in social justice, who through his work with Wikileaks runs afoul of the U.S. government, and his beleaguered parents, Paul and Leann, who vigorously defend their only child against the evil forces conspiring against him. Through a series of personal interviews with Paul and Leann, both retired Air Force intelligence officers, who believe their country has turned against them for what Matt had downloaded from his computer into secret thumbdrives shortly before the FBI arrived at their door and confiscated all his equipment, and various lawyers they employed, first to protect Matt from what they claim as utterly bogus child-porn charges, then, after they slip away to Canada in the middle of the night, the lawyers trying to earn them asylum. While in Canada, under close supervision and confined to his parents’ apartment, Matt uses his charms, his hackavist bonafides, and his skill at PR, to generate enough interest in his case to become a digital cause celebe, along the lines of Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning. Protests are fronted, defense funds gathered, and pressure put on the government to come clean about why they seem so hard-driving against the young man. During a peculiar reenactment set in a Canadian immigration hearing — Kennebeck employs actors who apparently lip sync their lines in perfect time with the actual recorded audio — DeHart describes a harrowing ordeal earlier in the affair, after having moved to Canada to attend college, being abducted by the FBI shortly after crossing the border to renew his Visa, and tortured for days for information related to the material on the thumb-drives. Some documentation seems to corroborate his claims (even Paul and Leann, as fierce supporters as can be, were shocked to see just how ready the FBI were to snatch him), but as the film continues, and we hear more and more from the investigators and prosecuting attorneys about the original child-pornography crimes, it becomes clear that our sympathies are being played with by Kennebeck. By the end, the film itself becomes an indictment of our rapid-assumption culture, in which decisions of guilt and innocence are determined in seconds online and forever after based on the presentation of information before us.

The Way I See It: For non Trumpites, the switchover from eight years of the dignified, intelligent, and measured leadership of Barack Obama, to the perma-tanned tackiness of power-mad, narcissistic bloviating of Donald Trump, was like a double-feature that went from Citizen Kane to Kevin James’ Loudest Farts. One man better than most to measure Obama’s time in office against the subsequent regime is photojournalist Pete Souza, who served as the official White House photographer for both of Obama’s terms, and has gone on to become an outspoken critic of Trump by way of his devastating IG account, in which he juxtaposes stately Obama photos with Trumps scandal-du-jour. Lest you think he’s just another divisively partisan liberal, you have to take into account his previous turn in the White House, as one of the official photographers for Ronald Reagan’s presidency. In fact, Souza’s fly-on-the-wall quality was considered one of his strengths in the oval office. Documentarian Dawn Porter travels with Souza as he makes the media rounds promoting his newest book, Shade, a collection of those IG photos that have earned him millions of social media followers (a sort of companion piece to his previous book Obama: An Intimate Portrait). Hauling from far-off India (where he gets a standing ovation before he even takes the stage), to domestic conferences and speaking engagements, Souza emerges as a man becoming more used to being out from behind his ever-present Canon lens. Through that lens, as he displays to his rapturous audiences, he has taken many hundreds of indelible photos, showing Obama’s various interactions with foreign dignitaries, his council of cabinet members, and his more raucous time with his two daughters (one shot of Obama with his girls making snow angels on the rear lawn during a heavy snow storm remains his computer screensaver, Souza says with pride). As Porter moves from talking heads to public oratories, Souza’s remarkable photos — brilliantly composed, and inspiringly intimate, having been given nearly unlimited access to the president — play throughout, showing us a collection of images that capture the inspiring hope the president inspired and the agonizing rigors of the job he was elected to perform. The film spends little time on his Reagan years, except to note how media and image-savvy the former Hollywood actor and his wife were (Souza professes no political ill-will towards the Reagans, other than noting that while he didn’t always agree with him, he was a genuinely caring man, who at least understood the parameters of leadership). At first, the film trolls Trump by a sort of subtweet level of backhandedness: Without directly naming names, Souza makes it entirely clear who he finds failing in comparison to Obama’s empathetic, engaging deportment, but by the time the film comes around to his notorious IG account, there can be no doubt the subject of his ire. Souza maintains it has less to do with his partisan feelings (his political affiliation is never revealed), and more the way he finds the current president’s undignified manner and total disrespect for the office and the leadership it demands unacceptable. Trumpers will of course take great exception to the portrait the film portrays of the sitting president, but even the most hardcore GOP folks won’t be able to help noting the blatant differences between the loving, genuinely close Obamas; and the preening, viciously competitive Trumps, each trying to outdo the others in acting as their father’s primary sycophant.

In a year of bizarre happenings, and altered realities, TIFF has shifted its gears to a significantly paired down virtual festival. Thus, U.S. film critics are regulated to watching the international offerings from our own living room couches.

#sweet smell of success #ssos #piers marchant #films #movies #TIFF #tiff 2020 #toronto international film festival #one night in miami #regina king #limbo #The way I see it #pete souza #nomadland #frances mcdormand #chloe zhao #the new corporation #summer of 85 #francois ozon

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duker42 · 4 years

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1long request ahead (idk what au, modern and scifi ig?) Reader is an assistant to lab scientists who are experimenting on criminals. she didn't want to do this job, but needed the money for her poor family. one of those criminals being Levi and she got to work with him. it hurt her seeing him get experimented on, but he never once seemed in pain. the doctors were all intrigued, tryna make him with superhuman qualities. as time went on, she grew fond of Levi as they talk to each other thru the-

💜The Experiment💜

Y/N hated her work, hated the screams that filled the dank underground passages where she worked in secret. She would rather do anything else in the world. Her only problem was that her family desperately needed the money that her questionable job provided.

It had started out normal. Research assistant to some government scientists. Something that she was shocked that she didn’t need more education for. By the time she had figured out what they were really doing, it was too late and she was in too deep.

They were experimenting on criminals, using them as their personal lab rats. Humans who could tell them if it hurt, how it felt when the pain wasn’t so blinding it robbed them of the ability to do anything but howl like an injured animal. If they were killed, no one would care. They were all sentenced to death, the experiments just saved the cost of executing them.

She tried not the care, but one man in particular caught her attention. He was smaller than most of the prisoners, shorter than her own diminutive height, and never spat the filthy comments at her like the others.  

His cold grey eyes watched every move made intently, but his face never betrayed pain or suffering at the experiments. The scientists were excited, thinking this could be the one that they turned into a super soldier. He was already a lot stronger than his stature would have someone believe. His reflexes quick and his mind sharp.

Y/N had found that this prisoner, Levi, was a bit more than what the men running the experiments thought. She had come to get to know him. Talking to him through the door of his cell, bringing him food.

He had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and Y/N found herself feeling easier around him than any of the other test subjects. She was lingering at his cell, later and later, spending more time talking to him. He didn’t say much at first, but as time went on he had opened up and enjoyed the conversations.

Maybe it was the fact that she treated him like a human rather than a test subject. Maybe it was the way that her hand laid on his bare shoulder when they pumped the lasted drug they had developed into his system. Maybe it was the way she has started sneaking into his cell to bathe the sweat from his body as he shook when the drugs were working they way out of his system. Maybe it was the way his own grey eyes had started watching her thoughtfully.

The day came that she had never wanted. The day that she was ordered to kill Levi. He was a failed experiment, they said. Useless to them now. Y/N couldn’t believe that they were so callous when talking about taking the life of the man that just last week had been the one they were so focused on.

She couldn’t do it. As she lay in her bed, safe in her house, she thought of the man the in cell, the piercing grey eyes and raven hair. The sardonic smile and crude but oddly respectful humor. She wasn’t going to let him die.

She snuck back into the facility that night. Made her way to his cell and woke him quickly. She knew that there was a risk that she could get caught, but she was willing to take it. She wasn’t going to let Levi die like an animal in a cage. His eyes widened when he heard what she told him, something flashing being those impenetrable eyes.

He nodded solemnly and followed her. She took him down the corridors and slipped him out of the facility using the air shaft she had discovered one day. He hadn’t said goodbye, but had given her a long look before turning away and disappearing into the dark.

She had gone to work the next day, trying to pretend that everything was normal. But they knew, they had found out. Her boss was furious, slammed her against a wall as he dragged her into the room where they had experimented on Levi.

Her screams echoed up and down the halls. Her boss was unforgiving in his drive to extract information from her. Where did Levi ? Why did she let him escape. Y/N tried to stay strong, but he was getting crueler with every silent response, the blade of the scalpel cutting deeper into her flesh.

She didn’t know how long she had been strapped to that table, how many cuts he had made into her skin, how many nails he had ripped off. It was a blur of pain and screams, angry eyes and demanding questions.

Suddenly the door to the room ripped open and someone was thrown inside. Y/N was barely conscious at that point. Her eyes unfocused as she tried to follow the dizzying movements around the room. She heard a sickening gurgling sound and then silence for a long minute. Soon someone appeared over her. A curtain of black hair and a pair of intense eyes when her sight finally cleared.

“Levi?....What a-are you d-doing here?” She ground out, wincing through the pain.

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t leave you here, Y/N. I knew they would know who had let me go. I love you.”

He started cutting through the straps that held her to the same table he had been strapped to so many times. His hand was resting on her shoulder like she had done for him as he carefully helped her sit up.

“Everyone here is dead. Let’s go.” He said flatly.

Y/N gasped, she knew that for that to happen, Levi must have killed them all. She didn’t understand. “Why?”

His eyes were a bit incredulous as he turned back to her. “You treated me like I was a person. Showed me kindness and made me fall in love with you. I protect what’s mine. If you’ll have me.” His words were hesitant, as if he were unsure of her own feelings for him.

His body language was uncomfortable, like he was vulnerable for revealing his emotions. And in a way he was more vulnerable than when he had stood before her naked. His eyes lowered as he thought that she might reject him, his face flashing hurt before it fell back into his expressionless facade.

Y/N realized she had been silent longer than she had thought. He had taken her silence as refusal. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She winced as she saw the bloody empty nail beds of her fingers as she lifted her hand to his face. He flinched slightly as if he were expecting a slap, but she pulled his face up and made him look at her.

Her eyes were warm and loving as she looked at his handsome face. His own eyes took on a startled look when he realized she wasn’t pushing him away. She saw his eyes dart down to her lips and he licked his own, wetting the dry skin.

His eyes asked permission and she curled her fingers around his nape and pulled him closer to her. His own hands came up to cup either side of her face as he lowered his mouth to hers.

It was tender, sweet and gentle for a man who had just ripped his way through an entire research facility to rescue Y/N. It was loving for a man that she had been told time and again that he was heartless. It was perfect for the moment and she wished that it would never end.

He reluctantly pulled back and pressed his lips to her forehead before wrapping his arms around her waist to help her down from the table.

“We need to get out of here. Figure out where to go now.” Levi said, his eyes hardening as he thought about getting her out of there and somewhere safe.

Y/N nodded and let him lead her out of the room. He might have been the experiment, but she would follow the man anywhere.

Mobile MasterList

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman #aot fanfiction #snk levi #levi aot #aot x reader #snk x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfiction

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pupsandnubs · 3 years

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Date Night

Tonight was one of my favorite date nights, and even though you were in neck-stiffness-pain and loopy from the benzo I gave you, it was still one of my favorites.

I’ve been very conscious of how much you’ve been spending on me/us/when we go out, and I can’t help but feel guilty or feel like it’s been way too much. So when you suggested the ceramics place at Menlo, I knew I didn’t want you to pay for it. And since I’ve been struggling a little more than usual financially, I knew it wasn’t smart for me to pay for it right now either.

So in my attempt to be frugal and cute, and half-jokingly, I suggested we do a 3-course-dinner-and-drive-in-movie. You asked where there was a drive thru and then I explained my oh-so-fancy date idea.

3 courses: Go to 3 random drive thru places and order an appetizer, main “meal” and a dessert off the dollar menu.

Drive-In movie: We pull up Netflix, pick a movie and stay in the car to watch it.

In theory it’s a ridiculous idea, but oh how I fell in love with you more for LOVING the idea and for being enthusiastic about it. Because you didn’t shit on the idea or shame me for “being lame”- it made me SO excited to see you tonight. And in my excitement I knew I had to stop by the dollar store to get those cute little red striped popcorn buckets. $7 later, we each had a bucket, caramel popcorn, and an assortment of candies. A “concession stand” if you will.

You picked ‘Enter the Dragon’ and I knew without a doubt I’d hear you snoring. Like clockwork you dozed off, and I couldn’t help but giggle and watch you for a little bit.

My perfect person, keeping me young by encouraging these cheesy date nights, but also allowing the ‘romance’ to still be there in even the mundane moments. It’s these moments that make up that ‘honeymoon’ stage for me.

I legit got sucked into the stupid movie and then realized I was also tired and didn’t want you to be in MORE pain from sleeping like a wet pretzel in my car, so I dropped you off at home, and had to venture to Walmart to pick up some stuff for my mom. I decided it was the perfect time to pull up one of my newer audiobooks I recently downloaded.

I’m a big big fan of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and I knew he had 2348234832 other things he’d written too. I was reminded of them when some girl I follow on IG was posting her “must reads”. This girl is like 25 and had a huge following because she posts cute pics of her working in Disney- I digress but anyway, I thought it was odd that a baby was reading Gary Chapman’s “Things I Wish We’d Known Before We Got Married”. It was on my to-read list for awhile so whatever, I downloaded it. It’s a quick read/listen, so as I was walking around Walmart I was listening to all the things Dr. Chapman was suggesting and my insides got all warm.

It goes into this whole thing about how he asks his clients that want to get married “Why do you want to get married” and the normal response is “Well, because we’re in love.” Then he asks them “Well, why” and there’s usually not a coherent response past “Well, because.”

Then the chapters break down a serious of questions and things two people should go over because being “in love” doesn’t constitute for a successful marriage. I got through like 4-5 chapters.

Most of it I already knew, and we had already established. Then it went into arguments/anger/apologies. And he broke down that there are 5 Apology languages that each partner would need to learn. And it made me smile because we really know each other’s. And we do a really great job of it and I had several moments mumbling to myself going “He does that already. He knows how to do that. Mhm, he’s really good at acknowledging that.” It was really nice validation, to know we handle conflict REALLY well for two people still in their own early stages of the relationship.

It mentioned the 5 Love Languages and as he went through all 5, my heart was full because you do really understand all 5 of mine, and are so willing to adjust to them as they shift and there is a new #1 from time to time. I think I do a solid job of meeting yours too.

I would love for you to listen to or read the book too, if you’re interested. It’ll make you puff up your chest in pride knowing we do a lot of these things on our own already. It’s also been pretty enlightening too. I went online to his website to look at his questionnaires and ended up taking all the quizzes.

Turns out that the order of my 5 love languages was a LOT different than I’d originally thought. When we first met I told you my top 2 were Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation and that they’d often switch between the two. After I took the test, my results:

1. Quality Time (33%)

2. Acts of Service (23%)

3. Words of Affirmation (20%)

4. Physical Touch (17%)

5. Gifts (7%)

I was pretty shocked to see Physical Touch at #4. I’d still say that’s a tie for #1 for me, but maybe it’s because I know I already receive that abundantly from you. I took the apology test too (I think you should take it, it’s pretty cool)

My apology language is: make restitutions. Makes sense, I don’t just want to hear someone is sorry, I want them to acknowledge why they are and then want to know what they’ll do to fix it/make it better. For apologies, to me- actions speak louder than words.

Anyways- I just wanted to write about it, so you could read about it :)

I’m looking forward to finishing the audiobook, it’s super interesting. And it’s nice to finally be in a situation where instead of sinking further into myself thinking “... wow he doesn’t do that, we’re not like that, wow we don’t do that AT all...” and realizing I’m with the wrong person- I was basically skipping merrily from aisle to aisle beaming because I am with the -perfect- person for me.

For me, if Dr. Gary Chapman asked me why I wanted to marry you and what being in love with you meant; I’d have ALL the answers. He would be annoyed and want me to shut up.

I hope someday, you can say the same when someone asks you why you’re in love with me, or why you want to marry me. Or at least be able to tell ME the reasons for both.

I know you knocked out early. I hope you sleep well, your neck doesn’t hurt as much and that you have a good productive work morning.

I love you babe <3

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stillyour-sweetheart · 4 years

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back

Okay, wow. So… let me start off by saying I have absolutely no idea how to write this post. I feel a lot of made up “pressure” to be able to write/explain what’s happened ever since I’ve last been active on this website but I know that that’ll be hard to do perfectly… so I’m going to give myself some wiggle room and simply do my best in expressing what happened, how I felt, and what’s been going on.

So, my name is Annie and I used to run a blog on this website called humanseoul. That blog was not only my creation and baby, but it was also a deep part of me and my being. I ran it for over eight years and I allowed it to capture me at my highest and lowest points. It was a place I could turn towards whenever and it supported me as much as I supported it. Running that blog was amazing and it grew bigger than I imagined it to. Not only was it a creative outlet for me (I started out as an amateur gif maker), but it became a platform for me to use to connect with others in ways I didn’t even know was possible. My inbox was always open and I soon became not only a personal/aesthetic blog, but it became somewhat of an advice column blog. Users (who remained mostly anonymous) would come to my inbox to ask for advice or simply just to tell me about their day. It was a wonderful feeling and my heart would light up whenever I would see a notification(s) of a new message. There were so many things users would tell me… so many stories of relationship issues, grief, stress, triumphs, secrets, and random bits about their day or life. I loved it and I had so much fun reading all of them. There was even a time where I would log in to see tens of messages waiting for me to open and respond to. It was truly a feeling like no other. Having a personal space that was not only safe for me but also for OTHERS made me feel, in a weird way, purposeful… like I was more useful to others than I thought was possible.

I admit, during the time I had my blog I also experienced some of the worst emotional anxiety, stress, and overall lows that I’ve ever felt in my life. I felt like I was constantly running towards a goal that wasn’t even really important to me – yet I felt like I couldn’t stop. I went to counseling on and off, my grades fell then went up, there were applications and rejections, family fights and makeups, tears, stoic expressions, and of course— small moments of joy. With that being said, I know that I used my blog to escape reality and the actual struggles I was going through. I spent so much time trying to help others by using this platform rather than take time to focus on myself and get my life “back in order” (whatever that means… still not sure if I know what that means haha). So in a way, I had an unhealthy obsession with my blog. I wanted to be the safe haven— the safe place that I felt so desperately that I needed for myself yet be that place for others as well. I put pressure on myself to log on every day in order to maintain my blog and answer all the messages I got. I wanted to do a quality job so I would spend a lot of time typing out responses on a separate word document so that I could give replies that were considerate and thoughtful. Yes, it was tiring and yes, I know I had a slightly unhealthy obsession with it— but overall it was so fulfilling and fun. It was reality yet it wasn’t… it was whatever I made it to be.

Fast forward to sometime last winter (was it January?)… I get a DM on instagram asking me whether or not I had been on my blog lately because I’d been blogging some inappropriate content that wasn’t like me… of course I freaked out and tried to log in only to find that my password DIDN’T WORK. Someone had hacked my account and changed my password. During that time I was taking post-bach classes that were extremely important for me and my future steps forward with my educational/career goals… but I dropped what I was doing and desperately tried to change my password/log onto my email to reset it… but they had changed my email’s password as well… and I had no way of resetting my blog’s password. I even went as far as emailing (with a different email account I have) the tumblr staff… only to be met with the fact that they couldn’t do anything about it. So my blog, my safe place, the place I had made not only a place for myself but also for others to find solace… had been infiltrated and controlled. Every time I refreshed my page I was met with inappropriate photos that went against tumblr community guidelines. My heart sank because humanseoul wasn’t mine anymore. I felt defeated and violated. Two days later I tried again to log on and check my blog— only to find that the tumblr staff had deleted it.

I remember feeling so empty yet angry, blank, and utterly helpless when I realized my blog had been taken from me and then deleted. Literally wiped to obliteration, almost as if it never existed in the first place. All the messages I had answered, all the nice comments I’d received, all the personal posts, milestones, emotions, and history I had poured into that blog for the past eight plus years… gone within two days of the hack occurring. I didn’t stand a chance. I was so sad. A type of sad that I’ve never really felt before. I felt as though my hard earned work… a part of myself, had been ripped from me and I didn’t even get an opportunity to really fight for it. But at the same time I felt a sense of relief. I didn’t want my blog to be maintained only with inappropriate, sexual pictures. I didn’t want that to be the last thing people remembered my blog for. So in that sense, I was glad it was quickly deleted. Within the short span of those days after my account was hacked and before it was deleted, I had so many people DM me on instagram (I had it linked on my blog) to tell me that I had been hacked. So many people were concerned and reached out… many tried to help me get it back. I was so touched and I knew that would be the aspect I would miss the most about losing my blog – being able to both give and accept that type of support from people all around.

I was majorly bummed for a long time after that. Sure, my regular life wasn’t too affected by it (no one around me really even knew I had a major blog that was this important to me, except my older sister who was also very upset on my behalf) but I felt a huge part of me missing. I didn’t have my special place I could run to when things in real life got out of control. I didn’t have that platform I could use to easily connect with strangers and offer advice and support. As strange as this ALL may sound, my blog was a home to me, my emotions, and the friends and strangers I had met for OVER EIGHT YEARS. The relationship I had with my blog was longer than some of the relationships I have with my friends in real life! It was special to me and it was ripped away from me. People suggested I just remake my blog, start fresh. But how could I remake something that took me over eight years to build? A place that held so many memories and warmth because I was so blessed and lucky to never have experienced a negative moment or message from anyone. A place I would spend long hours into the night just being myself. I just couldn’t, so I held off. Humanseoul was gone and I didn’t even get a chance to properly say goodbye to anyone… sure the close friends I made throughout my time blogging I had on other SNS like IG and kakao … but what about the others? The ones who would come to me and say they visit my blog every day to find some peace of mind? The ones who would go on anon and regularly ask me how my day was? Or how I’m feeling lately? Or the ones who reached out once in a blue moon to check up on me and send me some love my way? What about them? What would they think of me? And of course those who’d come to me in hopes of advice or just a listening ear? I’ve even had anons promise me things like they’d come back to tell me how an event in their life went… but now how will they? I disappeared after offering support and guidance for 8+ years… what would be my story to them? But I guess that’s a realistic depiction of “the end.” You never know when it’s going to happen but it just does… and you feel the regret. You feel the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘but why’s?’ You feel like you have more time to say the things you want to say only to find out that it’s too late.

So I stayed off tumblr. I never logged back on. I was pleasantly surprised though, that no one could take the URL humanseoul because for some reason it was off the market. The blog had disappeared forever but I was honestly relieved to find out that no one could take its name and make it into something it wasn’t. I finished my post-bach classes, applied to dental school, and got in last December. This was a goal I worked on for years. An unreachable, unthinkable goal for me… at least in the beginning. A goal that caused me so much grief and confusion… and often time still does unfortunately. A goal I came into humanseoul having. I start school late August. But right now that’s hard to even think about because of what’s going on in the world. The global pandemic that’s happening has put life on pause… yet at the same time I feel like everyone is in a frenzy. Within that time I also worked a job I hated, am currently working a job I LOVE (although i’m currently furloughed), and have really experienced a lot of new things in general.

Life is tough and weird. You never know what’ll happen— whether it’s someone hacking your blog and having it get deleted or whether a new virus strikes the world. So much has changed. I’VE changed. Of course I wouldn’t be the same girl who first started humanseoul— that was YEARS ago! To NOT change would be a problem. I know that I’m scared of stagnation. I always strive to be better because I sincerely want to be better. I want to be the best human being I can while I’m alive and I want to share myself with others and the world like how I did with humanseoul. That desire has not and will never change. I’ve become more honest and open about my emotions and feelings. I’m not afraid to acknowledge and admit some of my deepest and most confusing/frustrating emotions. My goal of becoming a dentist? The goal I fought so hard to achieve? Well, I’ve had my second guesses— I always have. I never really wanted to do it. There were just so many outside influences that made me want it. I feel extremely grateful to continue on that path, but I’ve realized I probably would be better and happier doing something else like becoming a therapist or maybe even a graphic designer. Do I think becoming a dentist will be the worst thing ever? No, not entirely. Who knows if I would even be happy going into something other than that. But the fact that I can freely admit this is something I wasn’t able to do long ago and is something I wish I would’ve been able to do when I had a ‘following’ (I hate using that term!) because being honest with yourself is one of the best and most liberating gifts you can give to yourself. I wish I could have been a better model of that before. It’s too late to regret that now and I know I did the best I could back then while trying to grapple with everything I was dealing with. At least I know I’m capable of doing that now.

I thought a long time about what I would call my new blog. It’s a new beginning and I wanted the name to capture something about me. Honestly, nothing can beat humanseoul in my heart but I had to try. One of my favorite (if not favorite people) in the world is my grandma on my mom’s side. She always calls me ‘sweetheart,’ it’s like an instinct for her. She’s still alive and somewhat well but she’s old and I know her time with us is growing shorter and shorter. But no matter what, no matter how far apart we are or whether we’re alive at the same time, I will always be her sweetheart. I chose stillyour-sweetheart as my new URL because ‘still’ means “happening or existing before now and continuing into the present.” It essentially means “has been and will always be,” except in one word. It was perfect to me.

And so, in a sense I’ve been reborn. Humanseoul will no longer be, but I’m still here. I may not be the exact same as I was back during my extremely active days blogging, but hopefully I’ve become better. It’s funny because I feel like I’m writing to others still even though I have no followers and may never even get any. I know inside I have hopes of former followers seeing this and feeling my sincerity and gaining the knowledge of why I left so abruptly. I’m so, so, glad I got to interact with those that I did. I’ve had some of the happiest most fulfilling moments of my life helping out those who came to me. I would go through my ‘nice anon’ tag on the days I felt down and would be reminded of the fact that there truly is love and kindness out in the world even towards strangers. I was reminded of the good inside of me. I was gifted hope. I know no one is likely to see this, but thank you. I can’t say that enough. I just can’t. I felt loved, protected, cared for, and supported by online friends and people I didn’t even know. Thank you for those warm memories. My goal was to help others, but I feel like I’ve received more than I’ve given and for that I will always be grateful.

I also know this whole post could easily come across as dramatic and overly emotional. I know that it’s highly likely that no one even remembers humanseoul or maybe no one even notices that it’s gone, but this is my truth and I stand by it. Regardless of whether or not anyone sees this or remembers me or humanseoul, I’m glad to have written this. I don’t plan on being as active as I once was when I was running my old blog. I’m not using this blog to gain followers and create what I did back then (especially since I’ll be starting hardcore schooling in the fall). I’m not trying to recreate humanseoul. There could never be another for me. However, I’m still the girl who once ran it. I’m Annie and I’m still here for whoever needs me. This blog is both for me and for you (if you wish!) and I’m more than happy to say that. ❤️

#personal

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tamikkogivesbrain · 5 years

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Obsessed or nah?

Mental illness or nah?

Weird Twilight Zone Episode or nah?

Restraining order or nah?

This whole story makes me sad. I honestly wish people lived to love themselves more. Being inspired by someone is why we are all put on this planet. Envy, competition, weak mindsets and low vibrational intentions are things We as a Collective need to move out of. If someone is offended by you copying them, stop copying them. Do not move into someone else’s life out of spite. Create your own. Grow to love Yourself.

Introspective by: TAMIKKO BEASTY

What is Divine Masculine and Feminine?

In the same way, the feminine is waking up to her divine qualities and offering these gifts to the world, so the masculine is awakening to a new (actually old) way of being with the feminine. ... The awakening masculine supports the feminine aspect in visionary women and men, so they can bring their gifts into the world.

What is Divine Feminine?

Since the Divine Feminine is a concept grounded in spirituality, definitions can vary depending on who you ask. ... In other words, the Divine Feminine represents the connection to the part of your consciousness responsible for nurture, intuition, and empathy, regardless of your gender.

What is divine energy?

The most important part of the human body is the latent divine energy which lies between our skins to inner conscience, the potential energy or Shakti. ... In yogic parlance the soul is called 'purusha shakti' and energy of nature is called 'prakriti shakti'or kundalini energy.

I wrote a story months back about a person impersonating my essence for many years. I wrote it from a generic 3D perspective. Mostly because I did not want to dig deep. (This whole blog is filled with sci-fi episodes of The Twilight Zone.) I have been in review of True Self lately. The end cap to a very lonnnng journey inward, and away from secular conditioning. As I gear my mind to mentally go back to the superficial world of product and presentation... a path led me here. More homework.

I had this great initial strive for a career in pop culture dance for my whole entire existence. It led to many amazing things and wonderful, out of this world experiences. But the one thing that was always missing... True Love. I have had encounters I called love, mislabeled partners twin flames when they weren’t... only to find my heart forever lacking. There is a person I have always known to be my Twin. My real twin. I met him long ago and labeled him my best friend, a “brother”, my family, and ran. I saw him and he was familiar. A blaze in my eye that was too hard to hold on to. Broken from my own past and hurts I couldn’t handle experiencing love or real committed connection. We eventually collided years later. Volcanic. But life changing. I ran again. In between these things there was always a person looming in the background. Feeding on his weakness and vulnerability.

I’m trying to find places to resolve what I feel and step into 8D reasoning.

We had Union. The Union was beyond and close. Implosive again. All while this 3rd Party person still stalked and emulated, competed from afar. She felt slighted. That something was taken away from her... him.

I believe in love.

I believe in blinding, heart yielding, gut wrenching love. I believe if you love someone and you know in your heart they belong to another... release them. I did this twice. She captured him twice. From the outside it looked believable. Like he did belong to her. Even tho I could see... his heart was inside of me. I wanted him to live his highest self possible. She convinced him to marry, it was based in false pretenses, manipulation, abuse, coherion. They imploded. Divorce. Bad feelings.

He called me.

After a century of distance and walking through the trenches of hell without each other.

I came.

I put my soul into healing my friend. Twin Flame Unions are not perfect. It’s volatile. It’s scary. It’s co-dependence, sometimes dysfunctional. Come together to fall apart... all while your heart cracks on the inside. I set my twin free again. Against the internal part of my being. So he can find a freedom to choose his own destiny. Be really happy and manifest His Truth.

So I went on another journey of Self just recently. Information came flooding my way like The Universe wanted me to know... in heart break you are not alone.

Twin Flame Energy, The Divine Feminine (DF), The Masculie Energy (DM), and The Karmic.

Sometimes You can be a Karmic and mess up someone else’s relationship by cheating with their spouse. When you work through your 3D carnal exertions and choices... you ascend. You move your energy out of lower base thinking and doing. You walk into your Power and become Divine. The Divine Feminine Awakens and this sends a Universal Signal to her Divine Masculine to unite. Unite and form a Union so Their Universal duty/ soul contract begins to manifest. This is to guide The Spiritual Collective forward. People in low base thinking can see or sense this. People who live in “black” energy use negativity and negative actions to hold other people back so Twin Flames have harder times meeting or coupling. Sometimes this is out of conscious jealousy, envy, and lack. It can also be out of greed and arrogance. Even revenge on one or both parties. When you come across 2 partners who are Destined as Twin Flames... the energy is so obvious people are constantly compelled to point out your similarities. In looks, Energy, and Vibe. An irresistible love for One Another that the whole world recognizes and can see.

It’s meant to be.

In New York I was super busy all of the time. Had no time to look over my shoulder and see who was chasing me. He saw me. She saw him seeing me... and has been chasing me ever since. She was not kind to my twin. Trying to force my likeness over him. Almost as if to trick... maybe compete. To fool or convince him him she is The Divine Feminine. I never stopped to think how deep it all got until this last year. How much damage was done to my friend.

Hurt people hurt people. I am not perfect. I hurt people too. Unraveling different parts of myself everyday. The difference is the True Divine Feminine can’t fake her existence. She does not force or manipulate. When she fights, she is fighting for what The Divine Masculine actually wants for himself... deep in his own soul... even if it’s breaking her own bond with him. A Karmic Energy fakes and manipulates. Usually for a selfish purpose and plays the Soulmate game to entrap a person.

The dilemma.... tell the truth or let my heart sit back and pretend it’s ok for people to do things like this. In my research there are people who go in depth about Spiritual things and The War Fare that takes place. But never actually faces to the movies. I’m posting because is the obsession she has with me or is it over him? Or maybe the need for fake fame and competition coming from some broken place serves like a flame for her.

This knowledge of Twin Flame Journies inspired me to write. Our Union inspired friends to marry and some to pursue higher love. So I wondered what was always coming in between us. Karmic ties can also be friends or family members who have selfish motives to keep True Loves apart. Sometimes people are just sad and do dark things. And sometimes people just need to heal from their own paths. We collide into poachers looking for planets to rob and fill. We are planets. If we fail to fill ourselves with love, it makes it easier for parasitic energy to take over. Vampire based people are attracted to Epathic Energy. People ascending to higher levels are usually Empaths with beautiful, giving energy. Bottom feeders recognize this... and feed.

The goal is to not become a bottom feeder yourself from encountering so many dark connections and fight your way through Yourself back to Your Higher Existence.

When on This Journey The Twin Flame appears. Bumping back into one another until Union finally takes hold or peaceful resolvement to let go is established between The Divine Masculine and The Divine Feminine.

I desire for my True Twin to be his happiest Self. With me or away from Me... love is undefineable and no moments are regretted.

There is a massive Spiritual Shift in The Collective Human Consciousness and on The Planet. Recognize Heart Power and True Intentions. The time for hiding or wearing false masks is over. All truth will prevail.

It’s time for true love and life purpose. The rest is bullshit.

Muse your heart. Listen to your gut. If it feels wrong... it’s probably fake. Or in my case, an imposter.

If you recognize yourself as a Karmic, look inward. Do the work to heal yourself and break unnatural bonds you may be keeping over people who do not belong to you. If you steal from The Universe, you will be required to pay in karmic lessons that keep you bound to 3D black hole existing.

If you are a Twin Flame on path to Enlightenment. Be honest. Love Yourself. Heal Yourself. Pray. Do good works. Spread pure love. Repeat.

Fight For Love.

Click Link Below for more disturbing info👇🏼:

UPDATE: She currently is stealing Spiritual Information I have written about here and is starting a newsletter of her own... As she reports my IG Page 7-8 times a day to have this tumblr link dismantled... only to use bits of my information in daily newsletter posts to portray herself as “Enlightened”, “Woke AF”, & Gives “Self- Awareness” tips. 👀

How, Sway?!

She now calls herself a “Light Worker”.

These things are not to be played with... or taken lightly. Pray for Real People to see around this Fake Lost One.

This Is The Spiritual Battle. Being played out in various ways, on very many stages and platforms. True Divine Energy: Continue to be what is Born and Genuine INSIDE of You. That cannot be forged... only mocked by Jealous Entities like the person who is obsessed with trying to be Me. Keep fighting for Truth. If You are a true born healer, or carry light to help change The World, Uphold True Meaning in Your Existence and Purpose. No fake creation, test, or obstacles can change that or take that which is Divine in True Divine Beings...away from You.

To The Fake 1s: Beware. The Wicked Shall Perish... On DOPE.

The Future Come’ith.

#TwinFlameEnergy TheDivineMasculine TheDivineFeminine TheDivineUnion GOD LOVE TRUTH #Mentalillness HealYourself LetGoOfTryingToBeMe BeYou

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