#in the mood for pain today i guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

senadimell · 1 year

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You know, I’d really like to know more about chronic headaches and migraines. I don’t know that most of my headaches really fit the migraine definition, but I’m not sure if it’s my high pain tolerance/ability to block out pain or if there’s something different at play. I usually have no idea what kind of headache is going on, and then sometimes the pain is just...weird and depresses my will to do anything without necessarily escalating or being the primary problem going on. (sometimes I can’t even tell you where the pain is except for “my head,” and it seems like describing where the pain is coming from is a big thing for doctors?)

I’m hesitant to label what’s going on because I really don’t know what’s happening and struggle to put my own pain into words, but it’s a fine line between “accurately describing what’s going on, including the severity or lack thereof of pain” and “don’t want to downplay how much this affects me.” I get headaches multiple times a week, which is a lot less than I used to, and it’s been a while since I had headaches every other day. Now it’s more like every 3-4 days, with longer and shorter stretches. But I have had awful headaches and most headaches are just routine! Even filling out pain scales is hard because honestly a lot of the time the sensation of pain isn’t the primary problem.

#like man. today was rough.#but i didn't have brain fog! and it sort of felt like a tension headache i think? except for whatever messed up thing happened to my mood #and made it so i was utterly exhausted and barely able to get through some spreadsheets #and i guess i was light sensitive?#but was i really?#literally unless pain is one-sided and eye-stabbing i have no idea what kind of headache is going on #(okay there are overheating headaches that are pretty specific but other than that)#like it's one big grey blob of *i don't know but there's discomfort* and that's not helpful for diagnostics!#idk why it's so hard but it is #maybe i need to start filling out one of those multidimensional pain charts for a while to see if that's helpful?#it just seems like most people online with migraines are very clear exactly what's happening to them because the pain is so distinct #and so i don't think most of my headaches are migraines? i certainly don't get aura the way my mom does

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edgybutnotveryedgy · 11 months

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#ibs flare up lets goooooooo #im in so much pain rn 🙃#kinda wanna die #not litterally #i just dont want to live through this current moment #im generally a rational person but im in so much pain that im genuinely considering hypnotherepy #only if i can get it in the form of a youtube video though #ugh why cant tums just work #i feel like i cant do anything other then curl up in a corner hoping i dont throw up #i dont even think it is from anything i ate.#ive been very careful and when i have eaten fructan foods ive made sure to take my pills #maybe i just got a little too stressed?#that doesnt make sense either though. ive been in a good mood all day #maybe stress isnt defined by fear and anger though #like i have been very hyper and energetic today so maybe that was a manifestation of my stress?#i need to do more research on that i guess

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raposarealm · 2 years

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tumblr why are you recommending posts about anorexia to me

like, bruh, way to send me down a spiral of self-hatred yet again, it’s not like i despise my weight or anything

#in fairness i did lose like four pounds over the last month-ish #but that means i went from ~290lbs to around ~285 which #even with my extreme amount of muscle for a woman who doesn't work out #i'm 5'1" so. that's like 100lbs overweight #i'm overweight because a) i'm in pain both mentally and physically 100% of the time #and b) i use food to cope because i don't drink nor do drugs and i (usually) don't self-harm #*sigh* bad mood today i guess #rapo rants #cw: anorexia #i guess the tags have some stuff mentioned so #cw: mental illness #cw: alcohol mention #cw: drug mention #cw: self harm mention #i don't know how to do content warnings uh

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zarovich · 2 years

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life is so boring. need someone to be obsessed with me so i can be obsessed with them back

#personal #like i have nothing to live for if not to be obsessed with someone or something #i guess that just how it is when you have multiple untreated mental illnesses huh. tho treatment didnt help lolzzz #but also i dont want someone obsessed with me cuz i know ill get annoyed by it. i get annoyed way too easy now #plus its unhealthy but when since have i cared about that hahahaha. me the epitome of health over here #im just in a bad mood today. mood swings acting up worse bc im in pain

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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omg it's 3 am D:

#i overshare so much on social mediaaa #i think i'm gna work on that. yh i wna express it in a better way #idk exactly why but tonight i feel rather at peace #like i'm stressed still abt a lot of things but i think today marks as me feeling more like myself again #but it's still like. stuck in the middle end or smth #do i work on being better or do i just let myself be #wld it be odd w my friends if i have a sudden shift in mood after being distant lately #before all that though. i should prioritize health #^ then i'll balance the aforementioned w school.#i'll just do what i can in a given moment! even if i cld always do better then #what i can at least do is be kind to myself about it.#yeah... meaning i will sleep rn bcs it's nearly 3:30 n oh my god I'M SORRY APOLLO I LOST TRACK OF TIMEEE #edit / i went to sleep with a clearer mind n a calmer heart n i don't feel quite as tired as usual this morning #other than the fact that i lack energy to really make a sort of change for myself #i guess one toxic trait of mine is that i'm tired enough that i'm curious to see how i'd be like if #i destroy myself even further #in fiction maybe i cld have fun w the pain of writing characters like that but #not irl omg i shouldn't be doing this ;;; but i guess boredom and frustration makes me uhh . yeah #i think the pressure of everything's just breaking me.#but when it comes to stuff like success and rest it's hard to be kind to myself.#aaaa i'm too busy n overwhelmed;;

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years

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#diary #personal #haaah well my mood absolutely fucking tanked today.#i was okayish yesterday and earliwr today but. the pms rly kicked in and now im depressed again whooho!#im so fucking exhausted. i didnt feel like dealing with this again. im always so tired and exhausted. and sad.#and like. its not even bc of anything i think?#suicidal ideation #idk i just rly hate it bc im sad. im cranky. i cant make food bc its too.much work and ill probably hit myselff trying to.#self harm #idk. somwtimes i just get so frustrated or theres too much going on etc. and i cant anymore #bc i know itll be the last straw for me. *sigh*#and im really dreading work tomorrow bc im gonna be in pain and feel like shit.#ugh. shit like this just makes me wanna die. im tired. and i really dont want to anymore.#im so fucking tired all the time. its all too much.#i honestly cant keep this shit up anymore. *sigh*#guess ill resort to some pretty shit coping mechanism go me!#*sigh* im exhausted.

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yanderecrazysie · 4 months

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Twisted Zoo: Chapter One

This is based on the stories of a keeper reader with the octotrio by @ashensgrotto and @merakiui .

Also @twistedcece @ursinaw @thisisafish123 and @cenatour wanted to be tagged! Let me know if anyone else wants to be tagged for future chapters. If you no longer want to be tagged, please tell me!

Summary: You’re a brand new zookeeper at The Halfling Zoo- a place where half-animals live in captivity. Your job is simple- feed them and study them. Your main worry is that one of the more dangerous halflings might kill you.

Unfortunately, that may become the least of your worries.

WARNINGS: none for now

Note: All characters are aged up, since there will be mature themes in future parts.

Also, I can’t promise I’ll finish this. I suck at finishing stories.

Thank you for everyone on Tumblr and Quotev for guessing! A lot of you have gotten ones right but there no one's gotten all of Heartslaybul (which makes me worry I did badly there)

Now, onto the Hyenas, Lions, and Wolves!

Prologue here

Next chapter here

—----------------------------------

Since the wolves were right across from the lions and hyenas, you would be expected to divide your time equally between the two for your first official day at The Halfling Zoo. That was a pain, since all three of those species were more active at night.

“You’ll be doing today’s morning feedings, right?” a woman in the zoo’s uniform asked you.

“Yes, for the lions, hyenas, and wolves,” you replied cheerfully.

The woman gave a sigh of relief, “Thank goodness- the lions always look like they’re about to kill you if you make the wrong move. Good luck!”

You stared blankly at her retreating figure. You really wish she hadn’t said that, because now you were absolutely terrified to step foot in that enclosure. Mr. Crowley had said to you yesterday, among all the other welcoming ramblings, that you had to go into each exhibit and give the food directly to the halflings, as opposed to leaving the food near the door and waiting for them to come and grab it.

After the zoo keeper’s “encouraging” words, you decided to give food to the hyenas first.

The hyena halflings were easy to spot- the group of seven or so male halflings sat in a group, talking and laughing loudly. There was one boy in the center of the crowd, waving his hands emphatically as he conversed with his peers.

As soon as you approached the hyena halflings, the mood immediately shifted. The halflings took several steps back, the conversation ceasing at once, all of them staring at you through weary, distrustful eyes.

That’s right- male hyenas are submissive toward females since they are usually aggressive and stronger.

“It’s alright!” you tried to speak as soothingly as possible, putting down the bucket of steaks so you could raise your palms in a non-threatening manner. They watched you carefully, still distrustful.

Finally, the boy from the center of the crowd put his hands behind his head and strolled up nonchalantly, grabbing a steak from the bucket. Although he acted like it was no big deal, you didn’t miss the way he eyed you with a fearful gaze and skirted around you as though you might explode at any moment.

The other hyena halflings caught on and, walking around you with extreme caution, they managed to fish their meals out of the bucket. The hyena from before came back for a second steak and, not long after, for a third.

“What’s your name?” you asked him as he fished around for the best steak left in the bucket.

He stopped searching and turned his gaze on you once more. He seemed to size you up for a moment before saying something softly. “What was that?” you asked.

“Ruggie,” he said softly, his ears turning inwards and an annoyed pout making its way to his face.

“I like that name!” you said cheerily. Ruggie eyed you dubiously and finally pulled a steak from the bucket, racing back to the other hyenas. On his way, he looked over his shoulder at you, his gaze uncertain.

You felt like you had made progress.

Now it was time to feed the lions, and the thought made your feet feel like lead. You were not looking forward to a lion halfling murdering you over a steak.

A part of you wondered if some of the halflings really did prefer this life- or at least, the food. You had learned in class that halflings preferred to eat human food, although they could stomach their animal counterpart’s diet. Halflings, no doubt, preferred these still-warm cooked steaks over raw meat.

You picked up the bucket of steaks and began your journey across the faux savannah. It really was hot in the exhibit and the heavy bucket seemed to weigh you down considerably. Sweat beaded on your forehead and you found it even harder to push yourself across the distance to the lions.

When you finally arrived in front of them, you could feel yourself trembling in fear. In a shaky voice, you called out, “Who wants steaks?”

All of the lions’ eyes turned immediately to the lion halfling lounging across the rock above them. Ah, I get it. They won’t eat until he eats.

Slowly you approached him. You weren’t sure if he was awake until one green eye cracked open and lazily regarded you. You gulped and reached into the bucket, closing your hands around a steak and holding it out to him. He remained lying there, but his eye closed once more.

You began to set the steak next to him when blinding pain shot up your arm, causing you to promptly drop it on the rock. You looked down and saw that the back of your hand was bleeding from four long streaks. The king of the lions was now sitting up, glaring at you, blood dripping from the claws of his right hand.

“How dare you approach me so casually?” he snarled.

You weren’t sure what to do, so you sank into a bow, and murmured, “I’m so sorry.”

The lion gazed down at you, a mixture of surprise and amusement in his eyes. He laid back down, closing his eyes, “Whatever. The rest of you can eat.”

Lions rushed forward, clamoring around the bucket to get the best steaks. The lion on the rock did not reach for his own steak, choosing instead to go back to sleep. You were sorry you disturbed him, and not only because you were now nursing a heavily bleeding hand. The wound was surprisingly deep and you hoped that they had a first aid kit in the office.

A very small lion cub halfling with red hair bounced up to you. Your heart instantly melted at the sight of such an adorable little thing grabbing a steak and smiling up at you. So cute!

“Uncle Leona! Uncle Leona! Are you going to eat your steak or can I have it?” the little halfling asked the lion on the rock.

The lion- Leona, you guessed- glared down at the cub and snatched the steak out of the his reach with a warning growl. While the guttural sound was enough to make you shake in your boots, the cub merely giggled and took a bite of his own steak.

The bucket was empty by the time every lion had taken one. They were big steaks, but you weren’t sure it would be enough to keep them full. You headed back to the keeper’s door with sweat rolling down your cheeks. The heat and dryness may be perfect for the lions and hyenas, but you could barely stand it.

As soon as you were back in the keeper area, you made a beeline for the water cooler. You poured yourself a cup and downed it in a couple seconds. Panting, you filled your cup a second time. You sipped the water a little slower this time, feeling its cooling effects soothe you.

You headed for the nearest first aid kit, conveniently hanging on the wall near the exhibit’s exit. You had a feeling you weren’t the first to need it. You took some bandages from the case and wrapped them around your hand, hissing a little at the pain the pressure caused.

You were ready to face the wolves now. And, as you made your way into their enclosure, you noted with relief that the warm was crisp and cool- the exact opposite of the previous enclosure.

Goosebumps rose on your skin, but you knew that, by the time you had made the trip with the heavy steaks, you’d probably be sweating again. Sure enough, the labor took its toll on your body, your arm aching as you switched the bucket to your other hand.

Deep in the forest now, you could sense eyes on you. Relieved that you had finally found the wolves, you collapsed to the ground. Unprofessional, maybe, but greatly needed. You sat on the soft grass as the wolf halflings began to approach you.

A few had their lips drawn up in a snarl, and one of them called out, “Who are you? You’re not our regular keeper.”

Another wolf was quick to say, “But she’s brought food. Isn’t that all that matters?”

You raised your hands in a peaceful gesture, “I’m a researcher and I’m the one dropping off your food for this morning.”

That seemed to satisfy the wolves. Some of them still glared at you, but they all took their steaks. You looked around at the pack and was surprised to see, among all the gray hair, a head of pure white.

The wolf wasn’t glaring at you, but his expression didn’t give away how he felt at all. He seemed to be eyeing you warily, much like the hyenas. You fished out a steak and held it out to him. His eyes widened a little and he approached you.

“Thank you,” he said in a gruff voice, taking the steak from you. Before you could ask him his name, he disappeared into the crowd of wolves. You weren’t sure why your mind had picked him out from the others, except that his hair was a different color. A little embarrassed by your reaction to him, you held out a steak to another passing wolf, who growled at you in response.

As soon as the enclosure door shut behind you, you sank to the ground, exhausted. That was only the morning feeding- you had a full day (and part of the night) of studying and documenting behavior ahead of you.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland

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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 4 months

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❤️

You're tired of hearing about Eddie's crushes, hiding your feelings for him. Sick of feeling second best, you decide to move on.

Beer, a pool, and a very handsome Steve Harrington happens. Eddie isn't so thrilled about the Steve part.

Just a lil two parter to get back into writing

Part one

Eventual Eddie Munson x Reader

Steve Harrington x Reader

Don't copy, reuse or repost my work

❤️

It was a rainy Tuesday when Eddie broke your heart. Unknowingly, but it was broken all the same.

He had came to the Hellfire table in a suspiciously good mood. Beaming smile, eyes shining with happiness.

Turns out he had ran into Jessie who was his newest crush, she was the coolest, most badass babe on the planet according to Eddie.

This had been repeated constantly for the last few weeks and usually you were able to smile politely, pretend you weren't dying inside hearing him talk about his dream girl.

It had been this way for a year now, through multiple crushes, a few hook ups and one near potential girlfriend for Eddie, so you could push yourself to be happy for him one more time right?

No, today it was like your heart finally had enough, a deep ache was building inside you and felt like all the pain was exploding inside of you all at once.

Tears pool in your eyes and you catch the sympathetic look that Dustin throws in your direction. It's enough to sober you up instantly.

You didn't want to constantly pine over Eddie when he didn't want you, it was agony being so completely smitten with someone who noticed every woman but you.

It was like something in you just snapped and you had enough.

"Hey princess, you okay?" Eddie's voice breaks through your reverie and you startle a little as he peers at you intently with his big brown eyes.

His hand is on yours and your whole body feels alight at just his slightest touch, it was getting harder and harder to hide your feelings, Eddie could be extremely perceptive when he wanted to be.

You needed to get over how you felt about him and soon, because you were sick of the constant heartache, second guessing yourself and feeling second best to Eddie's crushes.

Moving on would be a good thing. You couldn't take it if Eddie ever found out how you felt about him, embarrassment burns inside of you just thinking about his reaction, and how awkward Hellfire would be due to his rejection.

No, it was best for everyone if you found a way to get over Eddie.

❤️

Normally you didn't go to parties, especially not parties on a school night. However, there was a small part of you that wanted a change, to have some fun and let loose.

One of Jason's friends was throwing a party at his house, there was beer kegs, wine coolers and the biggest pool you had ever seen in your life.

Eddie was at the party to do his usual dealings, he catches your eye and looks stunned for a brief second.

"What are you doing here sweetheart? Parties aren't usually your thing?" you shrug and grab a bottle of beer.

"Just wanted a change of scenery I guess" it's then you notice that Jessie was also at the party and Eddie had noticed judging by the way his eyes light up.

Your heart sinks and you're about to make an escape until Eddie tugs on your hand.

"Hey, maybe you should stick close to me incase one of Jason's dipshit friends tries anything" you smile, touched at his protectiveness but you know deep down he'd rather be talking to Jessie than trailing after you all night.

"It's okay. I saw Robin by the pool so I'll go and chat to her for a bit" he's about to say something else but Jessie comes over and takes up all of his attention.

Yup, it's definitely your time to leave. There's no way you wanted to be around for Eddie making googly eyes at Jessie.

❤️

Between the pounding music, Eddie and Jessie and the fact you've lost Robin in the crowd, it was safe to say that the first hour of the party was a bust.

By the second hour you had gotten involved in a game of beer pong with Robin, Steve, Vickie and a few others.

At first you were kinda wary hanging out with Steve but you soon found out that he had changed so much from the King Steve of a few years ago.

He's kind, funny and kind, genuinely a good guy and him and Robin are like two peas in a pod. Platonic besties with a capital P she tells you and Vickie.

It's nice hanging out with them because everytime you see Jessie and Eddie together it needled at the ache in your heart.

Eddie joins in at one point but seems tense.

"Why are hanging out with Harrington?'' he hisses under his breath and you scowl.

"He's really nice" Eddie scoffs at this.

"Preppy, rich, douchebag? he's seen dating total babes every few weeks." you stiffen.

"Of course so why would he be seen with me right?" you ask heatedly and his eyes widen.

"That's not what I meant... You're beautiful sweetheart..." yeah but just a friend you finish his sentence in your head.

"Just forget it Eddie, go back to Jessie" you hurry away from him and curse yourself for getting so upset.

Steve notices and asks if you want to hang out in the pool.

It's quieter outside than in the house, people are just lazing around lightly buzzed, lost in their own conversations.

Steve makes you laugh by jumping in the pool fully clothed, he lets out a yell when he hits the water.

"Fuck, its freezing" and you swear you hear Robin calling him a dingus. The thought makes you smile.

"So Munson huh?" Steve asks gently and your smile vanishes.

"Mmm, tonight was my big plan to get over him. Didn't work out so well" There's a brief moment of silence that's broken when Steve takes you by surprise and you're suddenly in the pool beside him, soaking wet and torn between laughter and exasperation.

"Steve!" you huff out and his answering smile tugs at your heart. There's also something you didn't expect, a spark.

He moves closer to you and it's like the two of you are magnets. Steve strokes your cheek and his lips meet yours.

It's nice, it's really really nice and you moan softly as Steve gently tugs at your lower lip, deepens the kiss and pulls you even closer.

Steve pulls away and you both exchange a secret, shy smile at the moment you had.

You kiss him again and this time it's a little more hot and heavy. Only this time when you come apart, you're not alone.

Eddie has just come outside. He's staring at you and Steve, his expression blank but you notice something stirring deep in his eyes, a flash of emotion that you can't place.

Then it's gone and he storms back inside..

🖤

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you

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