#im generally a rational person but im in so much pain that im genuinely considering hypnotherepy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

damnedparker · 2 years

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warm

pairing: tasm (andrew garfield) peter parker x reader (gender neutral; no y/n)

warnings: specific traits applied to reader lol sorry, i.e. anxiousness, fear of heights, introverted, otherwise i think that’s it! friends to lovers cuz im a sucker for that w this man. also, post-tasm 2 cause college!

summary: there’s just something about the warmth peter parker gives you.

Warm. That was how your best friend always made you feel. So unbelievably warm.

Whether it was from a corny joke making you laugh until your stomach hurt and your face was red, from a genuine compliment he always seemed to deliver so casually, or, most of all, every little brush of his skin against yours. Even brief and accidental, a long embrace... they all lingered the same. Leaving little fireworks across the surface of your skin, and once it was over, feeling a hole in your heart. As if your body was missing something more than necessary to you continuing on living and breathing.

Over and over, after years of being attached at the hip as Peter Parker's best friend, his one true confidant, you told yourself to just get over it. The neediness you felt had to just be as a result of growing up touch-starved; combined with your crush on Peter, just something that had gotten so overblown.

Except one small, tiny, little thing you had noticed.

Every other friend, every acquaintance, none of them got the same treatment as you. No hand brushes, no hands on the small of their back as he passed them, no hooking arms with them whilst walking the streets of New York. Even with May, Peter's messy forehead kisses as he rushed out the door were rare. You were the only one that got these tiny affections. You blushed as you considered it yet again. Warm.

If you were another person, more confrontational, less anxiety-ridden maybe, you would have made a move on Peter by now. But even with all his touches, you had initiated affections back maybe a third of the time. You were scared of crossing a boundary, scaring him away. Logically, you knew that didn't make sense, but anxiety wasn't really one for rational thought.

So, here you were, mindlessly walking the streets of New York as the sun had begun to set with your best friend, trying desperately to stop thinking about the way his arm was slung around your shoulders. Don't think about the way, every so often, his thumb would brush gently against your jaw or the way he twirled the end of a strand of hair around his finger. Purposeful movements, no accidents here. Just warmth that seemed to consume you. So much so, that you hadn't realized Peter was asking you a question for the past thirty seconds, until he tugged on the strand of hair he was playing with. Still gentle, Peter was always gentle. Not enough to hurt, but enough to get your attention.

"Hey, buttercup, where'd you go?" Oh, and the pet names. That was a whole other thing.

"Sorry, P, I was just thinking," you shook your head, as if forcing your previous thoughts out of your brain. "What were you asking?"

"I was just gonna ask if you wanted to stop for some hot chocolate or something, I'm buying." That toothy grin spread across his face, the one you could never say no to.

So, you made a stop in a nearby cafe, Peter ordering for you without any hesitation. He knew almost every order at your regular restaurants, what you didn't like on your burgers, when you wanted something extra. He also knew that when possible, you avoided human interaction. And he never judged you for any of it.

It was painful how much you were really in love with him.

Your orders came fairly quick, and Peter thanked the barista, shoving a generous tip in the tip jar before he came towards you, presenting your drink with a small, teasing bow.

"Did you get extra marshmallows, cause they never--"

"Put enough in there when you don't ask. Who do you think I am, an amateur?" He scoffed affectionately, sipping his own drink before cringing, sticking his tongue out.

"I dunno, maybe you are cause you just burned yourself, didn't you?" He thinned his eyes at you over the lid of his cup, gently nudging you out the door. Back into the cold grip of the New York streets, and back under the warmth of his arm. You were grateful, as you hadn't grabbed a thick enough coat, and Peter radiated enough body heat to power the Empire State Building. "So, how'd that midterm in Psych go?"

"I don't know. I kinda felt like I failed it. Half the questions weren't even from the study guide." A frown came over your face as you remembered the panic that had settled over you. Stupid Professor Walsh.

"I'm sure you did great. You're the smartest person I know," Peter brushed away your worries like it was nothing, replacing them with more warm tingles by sending you an affectionate smile. His reassurances were never hollow, never said just to make you feel better. He was always real, genuine with you. And that worked better than any empty "it'll be fine" someone else would give you. "In fact, I bet you did so well, we should celebrate. I finally got my old GameCube working again, I'll let you win at Mario Kart."

"You don't need to let me do anything, I'll kick your ass in the first round," you hip bumped him, but he pulled you back into his side with his arm around you, squeezing you in a side hug that nearly made you trip. "Let's take the long way, though, I wanna finish my hot chocolate and watch the sunset."

"Really? You're freezing," he raised an eyebrow, thumb running over your chin, lighting up your indeed cold skin with heat.

"I'm fine, Pete--"

"You're not, you think I haven't noticed you shaking since we got back outside?" He shook his head, sliding off his outer jacket and practically wrestling it on you despite your refusal to admit you were cold. "There. And, bonus, you look even cuter than before in my jacket."

"Stop doing that," the words flew out of your mouth before you could stop them, before you could alter the frustrated tone in your voice. The hurt look on Peter's face made your stomach sink.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he rushed out, taking a step back from you. His hand flopped to his side like a dead fish from where it had been on your shoulder.

"No, Peter, I just--" You squeezed your eyes shut. It was now or never. You fucked up. The last thing you wanted was to make Peter think he had violated a boundary, instead of being the one comforting thing you had ever had in your life. "I can't-- I can't keep doing this." Your best friend stared at your hopeless, wild hand gestures, clearly confused as to what you meant. "I can't go around pretending like all your little touches, all the names and the kisses and the hugs just are normal. Like they're passing, mundane parts of everyday life. You're my best friend, but it nearly sets me on fire every time you do something like that. I can't take it anymore." You sat down on a nearby bench to try and calm your anxieties. You felt like you were radiating those jagged lines all around you like you were in a cartoon with how shaky you felt. It was silent for a moment, save the background New York noises of everyday life. But it still felt more quiet than ever as Peter sat beside you, right next to you. He slowly, almost hesitantly for the first time in his life with you, reached over to grab your shaking hand in his.

"You are the one constant I have in my life," he started, squeezing your palm for a brief moment. "With Spider-Man, with Ben, with every little thing that seems to go wrong in my life… You are the one thing I have that is always there. Never changes. Everyday I get to see you, and make you laugh. And it makes me feel like everything's going to be okay," his voice was soft. He gently knocked his head against yours, leaning his forehead against your temple, eyes closed. "I know I get a little too touchy, but I like knowing you're there. Real. And I'm too afraid to do anything else because I couldn't live with myself if I made you disappear." All you could think to say when he fell silent was his name, quiet as ever and filled with so many emotions it came out cracked. He was bearing his heart to you so suddenly, as if something finally shoved him to do so. But it was so clear and simple to him. So easy for him to do it, on an empty New York street, the sky fading from warm oranges to a dark navy.

You finally turned to him, slowly finding the courage to press a hand to his cheek, and, god, he nearly keened into the touch. Those brown, kind eyes looked up at you through his eyelashes when you bumped your forehead into his.

"If I know one thing, Parker, it's that I'm not going anywhere." You murmured. "But I need to know if this is just more than passing touches. I-I can't take it anymore." Peter sucked in a breath, screwing his eyes shut like he was preparing to say something. In reality, he didn’t know what to say. There was no way he could express the amount of emotions that were flooding his senses at that moment.

So, he just kissed you.

Suddenly, it felt like summer outside in New York. No more cold, no more shivering, just Peter’s hands cupping your face and a shot of warmth running through your body even better than the hot chocolate you had been sipping before. You gripped onto the worn, soft fabric of the sweater he was wearing, pulling him even closer to you. He broke away from the kiss for the briefest of moments with a chuckle, favoring wrapping his arms around your waist to press you close to him before diving back in. You hummed against his lips happily. Even when he pulled away for real, breathing heavily and just looking at you, taking in the moment, you still felt warm as ever. You took in a shaky breath, smiling at the toothy grin that had spread across Peter's face. He bumped his nose affectionately against yours as he pressed a few more kisses across the planes of your face before standing up eagerly.

"C'mon, the sun's not completely set yet, I know a better view for this." He tugged you away from the bench. You let him pull you along, barely functioning on anything but autopilot after what had just happened. He pulled you into an alleyway, checking around to make sure the coast was clear, before tugging his Spider-Man mask on from his backpack, and pulling you tight against him. "Here, hold on to me." You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pressed against him further, beginning to realize what's going on.

"Pete, wait, I'm--" You were cut off as the two of you shot up in the air, and you were forced to shove your face in his neck, eyes shut as to not look down while you swung across New York. You didn't scream or anything, just silent out of complete fear. You knew Peter wouldn't let you go, and would always catch you, but that didn't mean swinging through buildings at an inhuman height wasn't terrifying.

"Are you okay?" His voice was muffled by wind in your ear, and you could have glared at him if you weren't afraid to lift your head from the safety of his shoulder.

"No!" You yelled, and Peter just laughed, his arm tightening around your waist. A few moments later, you felt a small lurch, and the wind stopped. Clearly, the two of you had landed but you refused to leave the safety of Peter's arms until you knew that for sure. "Are we on stable, real ground now?"

"Yeah, we're here." He breathed, having pulled off his mask now that you were safe from prying eyes. You slowly unlatched yourself from him, calming down now that you had your feet on the ground.

The first thing you did was punch his arm, maybe a little harder than intended. You only felt a little bad at the ow that left his lips.

"You know I'm afraid of heights!" You huffed, crossing your arms and turning away from him, only to be met with the staggering view of New York below you. You screwed your eyes shut, only opening them once you were looking at the sky instead.

"In my defense," Peter's voice came closer again, right in your ear. He hugged you from behind, pressing a kiss to the skin behind your ear. "Look at this view."

You couldn't deny that it was breathtaking. A perfect view of the skyline of New York, jagged edges of skyscrapers giving way to soft strokes of orange and red mixing with the oncoming deep purples and blues of the night sky. There weren't many real stars because, well, New York, but you still felt like you were seeing them with the way your best friend was holding you.

"I've never been up here with someone else," he admitted, voice still low. "I come up here to get away from... everything. But I always wish you were here with me. You're the one thing I never wanna get away from." Another kiss, this time to your neck, punctuated by a squeeze to your waist. You could have melted into the roof.

"I hate to break it to you, bug boy," you turned, moving your arms around his neck again. Fingers splayed into his chocolate tufts of hair, eyes locked onto his. He looked at you like you were the only thing in the world at the moment, even surrounded by a New York sunset. "I'm never doing this again."

"C'mon, it's exposure therapy. I'll cure your fear for you." He laughed, tilting his head when you shook your head, grimacing. "Okay, okay, baby, I'm sorry." Baby. That one was new. "This doesn't include that kiss from earlier, though, right? 'Cause I don't think I can agree to that." You rolled your eyes at his joke, tugging on a strand of his hair teasingly. Peter leaned in, chasing your lips with his until they met again, this time in an out of breath, lighthearted kiss. It was quick, but set the stage for something new, and something that would become a regular part of your day. A new and welcome addition to Peter's touches. Maybe your favorite so far.

"It's cold up here." Was all you could think to say, to break the giggly, eager spell that had fallen over the both of you.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you warm."

#peter parker x reader #andrew garfield!peter parker x reader #tasm peter parker x reader #andrew garfield x reader #ag peter parker x reader #marvel x reader #peter parker fluff #my fics

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choisanii · 4 years

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wait for the enneagram thing, what are the enneagrams of each type of stans (as you've observed) if you know ? im genuinely curious.

ok so a little disclaimer before i start rambling: i’m by no means an expert on enneagrams i just find them absolutely fascinating and i think they’re really helpful overall! like if you know what type you are and what type someone else in your life is, you are evidently able to better understand yourself, them, and therefore better your relationship with them! also considering i have <15 ateez moots, some of which i unfortunately do not know that well, i’m going to try to keep this pretty vague and i’m also going to mostly base it on what i’ve observed in the members themselves (what types i think they may be, but again, i don’t know them personally so take it with a grain of salt!), as I think that one of the reasons our biases are who they are is because we identify with certain aspects of their personality.

general note about the enneagram system: there are 9 types––one of them is your “basic personality.” this is your “core”, dominating personality, something predetermined partially by genetics and pre-natal factors, but also by your childhood (parental figures, significant events/experiences, etc.). however, since one’s personality is fluid and cannot be confined to just one “box” or “type”, everyone inevitably identifies with other types as well (this is where “wings” come in but that’s too complicated so i’ll stick with the core type). no type is “better” or “worse” than another; it’s literally just an explanation of why you are the way you are and how that contributes to how you see the world and interact with others.

hongjoong stans: type 1 (the reformer) or type 3 (the achiever) -> in the most basic sense type 1s are perfectionists. conscientious and ethical. they are set apart from the other types due to the existence of a self-critical “internal voice/monologue”. one may even call them workaholics due to the fact that they’ll often suppress their personal needs/self indulgence in favor of productivity. high standards. a very very strong moral compass. incessant desire to be “right”. fears corruption. type 3s are also known to be workaholics and they struggle with competitiveness. they’re extremely driven and ambitious though they are often overly concerned with their self image. gets wrapped up in their problems; tends to neglect their personal needs and the needs of others. strives to gain love and approval through performance. usually regarded as popular and well-liked among others, the “class president” or “homecoming king/queen/monarch” type. aims to be a role model who inspires others.

seonghwa stans: type 2 (the helper) or type 9 (the peacemaker) -> type 2s at their best are unselfish, altruistic, and maintain an unconditional love for others. extremely warm-hearted and empathetic. great listeners. kind and nurturing. self-sacrificial and people-pleasing. issues with possessiveness and acknowledging their own needs. bases self worth on what they give to others and what they’ll get back in return. may become overly dependent or manipulative. values relationships above all else. embodiment of the “good parent” everyone wishes they had. type 9s avoid anger and conflict at all costs. the mediator. merges with others and makes sacrifices in order to gain a sense of peace, belonging, and harmony, sometimes at the expense of their own feelings. can be very passive-aggressive when upset. trusting and gets along well with others. tendency to be overly complacent. can be very stubborn. maintains a generally optimistic point of view; likes to see the “bright side” of things.

yunho stans: type 4 (the individualist) or type 7 (the enthusiast) -> type 4s want nothing more than to “find themselves” and create their unique sense of self. inspired and creative, they view themselves as unlike any other human being; not in an arrogant way––in a way that makes them focus on their own personal deficiencies as well as hone in on their personal talents. honest and self-reflective. fears abandonment and loss. struggles with negative self image and low self esteem. type 7s epitomize the motto “don’t worry, be happy.” hate being bored; moves towards excitement, freedom, and a variety of interesting experiences. always willing to try something new. difficulty with commitment. extroverted, optimistic, and playful. struggles with impatience and impulsiveness. aims to maintain their freedom and happiness at all costs, never wanting to miss out on worthwhile experiences. spontaneous, agile, and exceptionally fast learners. book smart and impressive mind-body coordination.

yeosang stans: type 4 (the individualist) or type 6 (the loyalist) -> like i said with yunho, type 4s uniquely talented and expressive. gift for healing and the creative arts. always looking for more meaning in things. intense emotional highs and lows, difficult to find a happy medium. can be moody and self conscious. wishes to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. honest with themselves; do not attempt to rationalize their states, only accept them, which enables them to endure suffering with a quiet strength. easier for them to process painful experiences that may overwhelm other types. type 6s are reliable, trustworthy, and hardworking. when they are internally stable and self reliant, they become able to champion themselves and others. seek security and support from others in order to fight against anxiety and insecurity. friends for life. beliefs sometimes go against the “status quo” but they will defend and fight for them fiercely, more so than they’d do for themselves.

san stans: type 2 (the helper) or type 3 (the achiever) -> maybe this is me just projecting since i’m a type 2 wing 3 but these two types really stand out to me in terms of my san biased moots as well as san himself. as i said with hwa, type 2s at their best are unselfish, altruistic, and maintain an unconditional love for others. people person and people-pleaser. extremely empathetic and give good advice. self worth depends on the love and approval of others. considerate, generous, helpful. fears becoming worthless. does not want to be taken for granted. may become overly involved in the lives of others. energetic, romantic, and sensitive to other’s needs and feelings. and like i said with hongjoong, type 3s believe that only through performance, achievement, and success will they gain love and approval. can be very self conscious and self critical; wants to appear their best. motivated and motivating, constantly on a journey of self-improvement. their unwavering belief in themselves and desire for self development inspires others to do the same. a role model.

mingi stans: type 7 (the enthusiast) or type 9 (the peacemaker) -> like i said with yunho, type 7s are constantly seeking out new experiences. playful, optimistic, versatile, and extroverted. can be “scatter-brained” and end up undisciplined or over-extended. become satisfied when they are able to focus their talents on worthwhile goals. approach to life is not unlike “a kid in a candy store”. able to pick up skills and talents with relative ease, though when confronted with too many, they are unable to choose one to focus on. balance is key. like i said with hwa, type 9s are the mediators, the ones to avoid anger and conflict at all costs. passive aggressive under stress. seeks peace through acquiesce and acceptance. able to bring people together and solve conflicts. very in touch with their inner selves. goal-oriented but not aggressive. do not do well under pressure. struggle with finding a strong sense of identity. “spiritual seekers”, yearns for a connection with the cosmos as well as other people.

wooyoung stans: type 7 (the enthusiast) or type 8 (the challenger) -> like i said with yunho and mingi, type 7s hate being bored; they are constantly seeking excitement, freedom, and a variety of interesting and new experiences. an avoider; they avoid pain and fear by escaping into fun and pleasure. often have difficulty with commitment and following through. easily distracted and can become exhausted from being constantly on the go. do not attempt to control. brain works at a mile a minute, much faster than anyone else is able to comprehend. aims to stay upbeat and look forward to a bright, positive future. type 8s are proud, confident, powerful, and strong. not afraid of confrontation. extremely self assertive and independent, might be intimidating to others. have difficulty with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. quick to anger but easy to appease. fears being harmed or controlled by others. denies weakness or fear. refuse to “give in” to social convention.

jongho stans: type 5 (the investigator) or type 8 (the challenger) -> type 5s are visionaries, able to see the world in an entirely new way. focus on complex ideas and skills, sometimes to the point of detachment from the real world. relentless in their pursuit for knowledge. believe that they will eventually figure things out from the safety of their minds. hate feeling useless or incapable. compartmentalize people and situations. minimalist lifestyle; holds back strong feelings and desires/needs. like i said with wooyoung, type 8s are confident, impulsive, and aggressive. not afraid to go after what they want. difficulty being vulnerable. courageous, make good leaders, and protective of the weak. feel the need to control their environment (people as well) which may end up coming off as intimidating and domineering. want to be self reliant by proving their strength and resisting weaknesses. seek total independence and do not like being indebted to anyone. exercise an enormous amount of will, endurance, and persistence in their day-to-day lives.

#ateez #ot8 #ok to rb #thank u for asking shims <3 but sorry this is such a long post aklsjdfhajs #again i based this off of mostly what i see in the members themselves and a little bit on the one or two moots that bias each of them #so it's definitely not totally accurate! take it with a grain of salt or whatever #just to reiterate: personalities are very fluid! u can identify with some aspects #not always all of them and that's totally normal (which is why there are wings)#i love talking abt enneagrams so if anyone is interested always feel free to come chat w me abt them!!#cute mutuals #atinyphobe #askjess

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automatismoateo · 7 years

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Why is religion not considered a mental illness given how many criteria of mental illness it fulfills? via /r/atheism

Submitted May 02, 2017 at 10:18PM by rejectedstrawberry (Via reddit http://ift.tt/2pFiOsQ) Why is religion not considered a mental illness given how many criteria of mental illness it fulfills?

I got banned from r/explainmelikeimfive for 56 days for this post, So i guess im asking my question here

this is NOT to shit on religious people, i am genuinely curious.

so ive been thinking about this and i cant wrap my head around how accepted religion is as a normal day to day thing, when things like schizophrenia are not. it appears that the only practical difference between many mental illnesses and "cultural practices" is how socially accepted they are.

definition of mental illness from DSM-4 (i did not use 5 as its significantly longer, and essentially the same for this posts purposes)

A mental disorder is a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual and that is associated with present distress or disability or with a significantly increased risk of suffering death, pain, disability, or an important loss of freedom

It appears to me that religion hits many of these points overall;

a lot of religious people feel significant distress if they do not perceive themselves as good followers/believers of their religion, a lot also fear going to hell, something that we have 0 proof of existing.

many religious people who rigorously follow their doctrine lose a lot of freedom of what they can actually do, If by some means they do something that is not acceptable in their religion this often leads to emotional suffering - a little bit like OCD. This goes as far as causing distress from even having unacceptable thoughts. Religious people also tend to stop "thinking", their worldview becomes very black and white and often entirely dictated by what is written in their religious text, this is very noticeable in religions like islam, less so in others for the moment.

many religious people act horrendously towards their fellow human beings - much like someone having a violent psychotic episode, going as far as shunning people who may be LGBT or otherwise not following their faith, raping them, killing and torturing them - something that a sane human being would not do.

the definition of delusion is believing in something that is not true and ignoring evidence to the contrary; there is no evidence that any god of any religion exists, that there is an afterlife, or absolutely anything reinforcing any religion on the planet. Nevertheless people choose to believe what various writings say at face value without being able to critically analyze its content, and not only that but they actually do what the text tells them to do. To me it seems like this is either pure delusion, or alternatively underdeveloped brains not being capable of critically analyzing content they read. many religious people cannot be convinced rationally that god is not real as there is no evidence to suggest otherwise as they either ignore you, dont believe you, or flat out attempt to kill you in some cases.

Some religious people claim to hear the voice of god and that their actions are guided by god. This is essentially schizophrenia, if i told a psychiatrist that a chair is talking to me, i would be diagnosed as schizophrenic, but claiming that it is gods voice is considered acceptable.

many religious people care a surprising amount of what other people do with their lives, even going as far as cutting family members (even children) out of their lives if they do not live as the parents religion says they should. While i cant find a specific disorder to link this behaviour to, im willing to bet that extreme control issues are generally considered mentally unhealthy, theres probably even a disorder for this.

From what i can see, the only reason religion is not considered a mental illness, is simply that it is common enough and socially acceptable enough where people dont wish to upset the religious people.

edit: "not all religious people are like that" is NOT an argument, a psychotic person who isnt violent is still psychotic. a depressed person who is smiling is still depressed.

#reddit

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