#that doesnt make sense either though. ive been in a good mood all day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wokestraightpuffy · 3 years

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Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

#captain puffy #tea speaks #god this is so long the brainrot is concerning ANYWAY #clownon

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y01te-moved · 5 years

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🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

i almost cant even count how many this is but im doing every single one anyways and you cant stop me despite the fact that this obviously took me ages to actually answer

1: if ur reading this ur legally obligated to follow max (sender of this ask) Right Now. Just Do It.

2: i think more ppl with my sense of humor should watch Spider Riders bc listen.. if somewhere along the line that show suddenly gained more popularity again in this fine year of 2019 id be both actually funny for once but also revolutionary. by all technicalities some of my hcs are fucking great but i dont think i could say a lot of them and even be comprehensible outside of orientation based ones that are just rlly controversial. granted im not even sure i could or would actually recommend the show to people cause its kinda dumb a lot of the time and also fairly long at least to my standards so its harder to finish unless ur like really invested in it :pensive:

3: also on that note the next time a horny person even THINKS about Corona im Going to break into their home and then break their knees. i hate that she has so much fanart thats basically just fetish art or otherwise managing to be nsfw in some way shes like 15 at best fuck off!! its rlly only a problem on like. deviantart but it still makes me die inside.

4: character development is hard i never actually keep my ideas and what i have written down on like. my actual bios for everyone on the same pace so its a confusing mess and i wish i was better at combating that

5: anon and kanon r such good loids i wish people used them more but i think a part of the problem is that i dont always look That hard for things that use them ahdbsadgashdj

6: alex is the best sdv bachelor and im not accepting criticism on that notion. 2nd best would probably be like.. sam except i havent tried hard enough to be friends with him yet which i feel bad abt bc he seems nice

7: i miss the cracking open a cold one with the boys meme that was still one of my favorites

8: (goes BACK to thinking about SR shdfjds) the anime had no right having like so many characters base their ideals off of how brade used to be in the past and all those good takes on like not necessarily Having to resort to violence as the ultimate solution and all that good stuff just to be like, “surprise!! he actually IS still around! but also he’s going to be minimally helpful at all until the last few episodes and otherwise we’re going to make a ton of gags about him trying to hit on the like 2 girls in the team who are also like 15 while he ignores practically everyone else because thats funny!” im still so mad about it. he is the absolute worst and he has no rights. there was also so much potential they seemed like they could have used and were trying to hint at using in terms of further developing more important details about the history of the inner world or at least some of the things that had been going on well before hunter ever showed up and then they didn’t do anything but hint at the idea of brade having known hunter’s grandfather. but even that wasn’t 100% confirmed bc they dodged around it the one time they had hunter ask. its a mess.

9: my taste is so fucking weird and i hate it bc its mostly just, “oh yeah i heard abt this thing and it seems cool im hoping to start getting into it soon!” for most things that are actually cool or popular or all that and never actually get into it, but then i see smth dumb as shit that i know would probably make me look like an absolute fool for liking and im like, “oh yeah yknow what i can do this one” and then i do like it but i cant say much about it either cause i dont wanna look like. a fool.

10: these have been depressing as fuck so im gonna lighten the mood and say that himbo is a fucking hilarious word and i love it

11: also axel (kh) is a himbo. why? he just is.

12: im also bad at character design i think bc i always worry that my characters look too similar in terms of hair style like all the time and idk if its rlly that bad or not jfhgkf. that and like. so many of my characters just wear jeans and boots in terms of the lower half of their body its so unoriginal but it always works so well…

13: still disappointed in myself for having never 100%’d even 1 tlodw game. lunatic mode.. Difficult

14: i dont keep up with ace attorney fans but i hope everyone out there agrees that miles has peak vampire energies based on the way he dresses alone

15: re:zero fans have no rights only bc i only ever see ppl talking abt rem and ram like. wh.. was no one ever going to tell me about reinhard or was i just supposed to watch him get introduced in the first few eps and then fall in love w/him immediately before even finding out hes supposed to be a knight which makes him 20x better

16: leon and/or leonhart is like genuinely a good name idk why it just sounds rlly nice

17: ive had like so many technical difficulties with this site since trying to answer this i hate tumblr

18: im pretty sure im like. genuinely just gonna go mute or some shit one day cause honestly ive mostly only ever gotten worse and worse about not actually being able to say things even when i know exactly what thought im trying to say, both physically and like. online. its so weird i feel like i just cant say things. it may just be being self conscious but i restrict myself soo heavily and its WEIRD…. its like being trapped in ur thoughts and it sucks. probably doesnt even actually mean all that much but it still makes it hard for me to accomplish anything ever which i hate.

19: despite all the titles like ssbu and all that existing for the switch i think id only want one to play the new(er) inside system games i havent had the chance to yet like the spinoff card game and rudymical and also brave dungeon but w/neville and klinsy and whoever else was dlc on that game cause obviously i own the 3ds port but also neville.. good… i wanna see how she plays..

20: i miss when i could be passionate abt cave story it just makes me feel tired seeing it sometimes at this point but it also still holds a great significance to me so its just confusing and im not sure how i feel abt it

21: the SR novels were cowards only on account of not giving us any official design for petra but also for writing igneous like. That. novelverse igneous is just too bitter in general and like i get it but they couldve done a lot more with him even though he is still somewhat respectable in the end, granted its hard cause like holy shit hes so fucking mean to hunter literally who asked for that. im just glad the anime let him be somewhat more idk.. i guess sociable while still keeping a lot of the inherently essential aspects his personality had like his almost over the top loyalty to the prince and taking things like training/combat in general very seriously. its just good and animeverse igneous is so good id die for him thanks for coming to my tedtalk

#bloook why #JDSGJDGSJDHSD THIS WAS KINDA HARD TBH I DONT HAVE ALL THAT MUCH I WANNA SAY..#BUT STILL TY ANYWAYS MAX..#we would be better off just going down a list and having me state my opinions on SR characters #thats what like 2 of these were anyhow even tho no one asked

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sangriatimes · 5 years

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Nintendo Switch saves Valentines Day

Can you believe that we are almost half-way done with January? Maybe it’s just me and the countless hours I put into reviewing the latest titles for the Nintendo Switch...which is our focus point that can change the tide if you hit a hard spot this V-Day. Maybe you don’t have enough money for that dinner, movie and gift. Maybe you thought that restaurant you made a reservation at is more expensive than you though. Maybe you just started a new relationship but you still have some awkward silences that seem to kill the mood. Whatever the situation may be a Nintendo Switch can get you to second base and home plate...trust me.

So let’s look at some of the titles for switch that are great to play with that special someone. (Games are listed in no particular order; games are not based on “)sales”; Games are mainly hidden gems)

1. Monopoly | 9.5 out of 10

Hear me out. I was one that grew up playing the original board game with my family and the overall appeal of the game was astounding, but I lost interest when I got older and noticed how long it takes to make everyone go bankrupt. ...but this is something...otherworldly. The first awesome thing you will notice when you pick up this title is the use of the Joy-Con controllers to shake the dice and throw them. Though this is still the same mechanic in spirit as its predecessor but with the newly animated boards populated by Mii’s and watching a living city grow as you play and add properties adds an entirely new respect for Money Bags. Our team lost track of time having so much fun with this one and before we knew it, we had seen 5 hours pass. (No one wants to play Monopoly for that long.)

2. Uno | 8.5 out of 10

Uno is another one of those games I grew up playing with family. When I purchased the game, I was expecting some sort of controller mechanic similar to Monopoly’s dice...but with cards instead...but I was let down. None the less, going into this, I didn’t even know that there were so many ways to play Uno besides the normal rules. Once again, I was amazed at how much more fun this was than the physical cards themselves. Rules like “Stacking. Where Player 1 can play a “Blue Draw 2″ card and Player 2 can counter play a “Draw 2″ card as well. ...but if Player 3 doesn’t possess a “Draw 2″ card, Player 3 then has to pick all 4 cards from the previous turns” was so exciting to try and there are many other ways to customize rules and play styles.

3. Super Smash Bros | 9.0 out of 10

I really don’t need to go into detail about this one. My only issue with the Smash series is I would really enjoy a multiplayer adventure mode or campaign. I was quite pleased with the full roster of characters though. Disclaimer: Make sure your partner isn’t a sore loser. We all know about SSB’s steep learning curve for beginners. “Don’t be a butt...”

4. Diablo 3 | 9.0 out of 10

I remember having this title on my old PS4 and being able to enjoy it on my PS Vita while I was in a relationship with someone who liked the game as much as I and we would both take our Vita’s to the restroom with us so we could keep the experience going. This title can definitely be used to understand the mindset your partner has by the way they customize their character and the actions they take in response to events. It’s a top-down action-adventure-role-playing-hack-n-slash (inhale.) It is a port of it’s original released on PS3 & 360...the price tag is still $59.99. That’s a deal breaker in my book.

5. NES Emulator | 7.5 out of 10

I honestly chose this one because of how many gamers I know and how 89% of them are males. This is something for those who don’t game to get their feet wet. The emulator is free on the eShop for a 7-day trial but comes with a subscription cost after. Pretty inexpensive for the titles they have. Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros, Metroid, and many more. It even comes with special versions of some of the games which gives the player the experience of playing with Game Genie cheats.

6. 99 Vidas | 7.0 out of 10

Your probably thinking, “ Why is this even listed?” Well, just in case that partner your with doesn’t dig the 8-bit look or the low-res adventures of the NES Emulator and desires a little more action and has a fetish for Streets of Rage and Beat ‘em Up’s. Simply. The available characters are cool enough to get players to find a favorite out of them. ...so...that’s good!

7. Oh Sir...The Hollywood Roast | 8.3 out of 10

After seeing the Samuel Jackson clone named “Bad MotherHugger” who’s personality is totally canon, I had to dig deeper. If you didn’t play the prequel, you don’t need to. I honestly only used the first title to learn how to play. In this installment, you and a co-star face off on a movie set where your scenario is to insult the other the worst. It plays like a fighting game, complete with health bars, special insults, tag team insults and so much more. For the price it is, I was expecting something way less entertaining. Oh, and one point or another you will joke against a Deadpool copy...a less funnier Deadpool but funny enough.

Consider this the American version of The Office.

8. Oh Sir...The Insult Simulator | 7.8 out of 10

Obviously, this is the European version of The Office. I won’t say this is better than the sequel and I can’t say it’s worse either but I will say “I am an American...” What this game does is teach you how to layer your jokes and how lay the foundation for repetition in your topics to create combo’ s. I like to let the opponent bombard me with little weak jokes and build a super mean and super long insult that grants victory for only one joke. I call it, “The Kamehameha Effect!”

9. No More Heroes: Travis Strikes Back

The third installment to the series hits the eShop and retailers in a few days and I am super excited to get my copy. If you aren’t familiar with the series, let me fill you in:

Travis Touchdown is the protagonist of all three games. In NMH1 we find Travis at his lowest moment in life. Jobless, hopeless and drunk, he runs into a mysterious woman who offers him employment with a sketchy syndicate group he knows nothing about. Luckily he had lost all his money by winning a bid at an online auction for a Beam Katana, his main choice of weaponry. Not long after, you find out you were hired as an assassin in a shady game by her higher-ups. Travis takes the job after being promised some passionate TLC if he can take out all 10 of the already top ranking assassins all over the world. Travis is a pretty simple guy. He likes mecha anime, luchador wrestling, old school video games, porn, sex, and sleeping on the toilet.

In NMH2, Travis finds out that after becoming the #1 ranking assassin in Santa Cruise, he finds out that he actually has hundreds of more assassins in a new ranking system where Travis is the lowest ranking.

This time around, Travis is joined by the father of one the assassins he killed in NMH1, and the co-op option is something that would have been outstanding to have in NMH2 but none the less the developers always deliver great content in their titles and this one will not disappoint. Couples will enjoy the kinky nature of the series for sure. It has been proven many times.

10. Broforce | 9.5 out of 10

Every wanted to play Super Mario Bros on NES but with guns? Ever want to change Mario for, let’s say...any huge action movie star from the 80′s, 90′s, 00′s? Ever wanted it to be a co-op experience with up to 4 players with local and online co-op? As a mercenary for the USA, you are sent to 3rd world contries to liberate them from the evil control of Satan and his hell spawn. Before that, you will have to fight through waves of kamikaze soldiers, war dogs, giant helicoptors, aliens (...from the movie “Aliens”) and much more. Along the way, you will recruit an entire cast of badasses. From Rambo to Robocop, you will find Chuck Norris, Neo, Blade, Bruce Willis, Terminator, Preditor, Machette, Michelle Rodrigez, The Bride (Kill Bill) & so many more including Mortal Kombats Raiden.

Very easy to pick up, very hard to put down.

11. Nidhogg 2 | 8.0 out of 10

2D-Side Scrolling Fighter. You start of with a sword. When you die, you respawn with a dagger. When you die, you respawn with a bow and arrow. Die again and respawn with an ax. Die again and respawn with your fist. This cycle will continue until you our your opponent makes it to the opposing end of the map. Maps are relatively small and consist of about 2 to 3 different frames. Sounds easy on paper right?

Tons of laughs to be had!

12. Tales Of Vesperia

If your looking for an in-depth RPG you both can play while she sits between your legs and you both focus on the Switch screen laying in front of you: this is for you two. The co-op system usually only functions when you enter battle. Player 1 will always be the one running around the world map but this is still fine if you keep an open-mind and communicate on decisions that impact the story and more. (Keep track of your own money.)

side-note: All Tales games are co-op in this sense, even the Super Nintendo picks.

13. Harvest Moon: Light of Hope

I’ve been a Harvest Moon fan since Super Nintendo and got my first copy on the N64. I know a lot of people see this game and hate the thought of a farming simulator but unlike it’s counterpart with the same name-sake; Harvest Moon is so much more. This can easily tame the craving for an adventure-rpg-dating sim with a very rich story and characters that actually grow on you. I have not had the chance to play this particular version yet, but I saw it was multiplayer and that sold me. If you want to try a good yet cheaper version, Harvest Moon: Back to Nature is by far, one of the best, next to Harvest Moon 64.

So there you have it, our picks of love for your love to love with their love! Honestly...I don’ t celebrate Valentines Day (poly-gang), but I love exposing partners to new things that they can enjoy together.

OUT!

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magicalgirlpropaganda · 3 years

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Things that are hot and sexy (because i do them)

• being unable to cite sources no matter how long you spend on it or how long you try

• getting a boost of motivation to work but on the wrong thing

• actually don't mind doing school work and have a thirst for knowledge but hate failure and not having time to finish assignments

• "wow i can't believe i finished all my assignments for the week! So fast. I have time to study and actually perfect my work and get better grades" *gets more assignments* *cries*

• i can't meet my own high standards

• being so stressed because of mom that i have horrible mood swings and im in a constant state of rage and anxiety

• being relieved when my friends invite me to do things because then i see it as an obligation and im "forced" to go (even though they'd understand if i said no, i see it as an obligation for my own mental wellbeing)

• wanting desperately to help others but struggling to even take care of yourself

• i can do the work, i can handle the workload. But i can't handle the pressure of my mom checking my grades

• i know that I'm smart and i know that I can do it. Ive been working so hard and my work is paying off but i need my mom to trust me

• overeating due to stress and went on an etsy shopping spree. Had to force myself to stop "stress buying" stuff and "stress eating"

• my dumb little passion project went on hiatus because im busy. Which is fine but a bit dissapointing

• i love it here. I don't want to leave. I love the art program. The work is a lot but i love my classes and my friends and my life here. What if one day something horrible happens and i have to leave because its too expensive?

• everything in my life is going good but my mom stresses me out so much that it's no longer going good

• I'm sorry for being incompetent... Even on my medicine. I am much better off than before and i can actually think but. I can't focus and i often miss intructions on assignments unless i write down absolutely everything. Why am i like this?

• my high empathy problems are coming up again because im so emotional.

• i am fine on 6 hours of sleep a night now but i wonder how long that will last. I don't have enough time to sleep for 8 hours every night. And maybe its because i take too many breaks but if i dont take breaks, i can't focus and everything just because thoughts that don't make sense

• im so stressed. Please just let me get my work done. All i ask is to be able to just sit down, relax, get my work done. I want to do so well on the exam later this week that I bump my B to an A or just even a high B.

• at least i enjoy school. High school and before was... Much worse. I don't enjoy spending hours trying to find out how to cite very specific topics and i dislike that one of my professors is a big perfectionist and so i often lose points on assignments (everyone does) no matter how hard i try to make it perfect. And i dislike having to check canvas so often because its difficult to navigate and i swear they try to hide assignments from us. And i hate that i have so much work that some weeks i wonder if i can possibly get it all done. And i hate group projects and i hate writing boring essays. But i love my classes at least. And i want to do well. I will do well. I am going to make all A's if it kills me. I was a B/C student in high school with occasional A's. If i just studied more (i never studied), i could have been one of the best students there, i believe. I didn't study, but I'm glad I didn't because it didn't matter as long as I got ok grades and I passed. I enjoyed my youth (not that im not still young...not that those years weren't the worst). But now i have to make A's or at least high B's because I know i can and I have to prove to my mom that I can do it. Maybe if i get good enough grades, she will back off some. Then I can prove to her that i really don't need her "help".

• this is way too specific of a list

• i want a job. If only i had time for a job. I have a strong work ethic. Im a good little capitalist slave. Please give me mone- i mean. Work. Yeah... Work...

But I dont have time for a job. Im very thankful that i dont need one. But I need to grow up and get a job because it will help me in the future

• speaking of which....a job i applied for months ago just called today... A lite late, buddy. Im 2 hours away now.

• but god... I so want to work there. I hear its a great place to work and the owner is gay (aka, not going to be homophobic to me)

• i wish i had my suitemate/neighbor's life. Like loudly talking on the phone and slamming doors as loud as possible all day long? And she's an RA so she gets paid.

• im calling my mom soon and getting this shit over with. Also i have somewhere to go with friends tonight so we can kidna- i mean recruit ppl for the theatre club. Im no theatre person but i am there for my friend and to make props.

• i can't do it.

• but if i do this, ill be free....

• maybe a quick meditation beforehand. Maybe self hypnosis so i can emotionally numb myself for a few minutes... Idk if im experienced enough to do that yet... But I've been doing it for years so might as well give it a try

• have i really resorted to self hypnosis to deal with the stress of calling my own mother?

• am i really so weak that even though everything is going well, something as simple as my mom calling to check my grades once a week makes me so upset that I cry almost every day about it?

• i know what she is doing is not legal. But what can I do about it?

• my mom thinks that im incompetent as well. That's why she checks my grades. She thinks I can't do it. She didn't even think that I had the ability to live by myself. I proved her wrong there.

• im working so hard partly because of her. So why does me working hard and thus not having time to call make her upset?

• it will all be over by tomorrow.

• perhaps calling her on the phone in a public space would be better. Maybe if she realizes that im not just in my dorm....

Luckily, my mom cares a little too much about social norms. She's used against me this all my life but perhaps it could be beneficial to me.

•thats right. I can just pack my stuff i need for my work. Then ill meditate for a bit and take a tea break. Ill go take everything to a public place with lots of people and call her then.

• i don't want to bring my friends into this, it wouldn't be right. But i wish that they would just sit next to me while I was on the phone. For emotional support at least. But i wouldn't ask them to do that, especially since we haven't known each other long. But i think it would make everything better if i had someone else to back me up

• people must be sick and tired of these posts. Im sorry.

• my mom says she's proud of me, but she doesnt act like it. She used to trust me. When i was 16/17, she would say that its up to me, my responsibility, that I knew what I was doing. Now, im 18. Why does she no longer trust me? I am an adult now. It doesn't make sense. I'm more responsible than I was at that age and im an adult now. It doesn't make sense at all, shouldn't she trust me more?

• i check my own grades religiously. Why is it necessary for her to do so too? What does that accomplish?

• i have an A, 2 almost A's, 2 low B's (but i know i can get the grade up and im studying hard to do so) and one C (it was an assignment that everyone did poorly on and another homework assignment that i did poorly on because I was exhausted). I know a C is bad but it's my drawing class. My favorite class. I do well in there and i think I'm probably one of the better peforming students in there. The C was just a small mistake and since we have more work in there now, getting that grade up will not be difficult. But i feel like all of my hard work just doesn't matter anymore. It will not satisfy her either way. Even if I had all A's, she would probably still be upset that I didn't have high enough A's. One of my professors says that she doesn't give A's on projects because "mistakes happen in art and you have to accept it".

• heavy workload... Im fine doing it but... I can't do it well with the amount of time I'm given. If i just had the weekend as well and not just the rest of the week. If i had just one full day more.

• this weekend will probably be dedicated to next week's work if i can do it early

• i can't call her. It's too stressful.

• im lightheaded just thinking about it

• i have every right to be angry. I have every fucking right to be angry.

• my day should revolve around schoolwork and studying. My weekends should revolve around taking breaks and light workloads. But every moment of every day revolved around my mom instead.

• and to think... If i lived in a place where college wasnt so expensive... Perhaps she would leave me be. Perhaps my grades would be so much better and perhaps I would be happy.

#vent post #rambles #long post #rambling

0 notes

neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing.

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

0 notes

chickenfetus · 7 years

Note

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse?? i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!!#softshouyous #asks

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you at? Indie: you gotta chat at me Rio: I went down Skerries Rio: I can come back, if you want or Rio: are you okay Indie: w mckenna or are you kicking it 💸💸? Rio: No, with Buster Rio: I just had to get away, you know, give everyone air Indie: its a mood Rio: Yeah, not what I wanted or planned but you know Rio: Where'd you go? Rio: At the shower, I mean Indie: I hit my boy up Indie: felt it you kno Rio: Ah, right Rio: Don't blame you Indie: something in the water innit Rio: Don't Rio: What's he said, then Indie: you kno how hes flexing w it Indie: dont make me chat it back Rio: I can imagine how he's selling it Rio: do you believe him though? Indie: is it? you gotta ask me that Indie: thats how it be now Rio: Inds, I just want to know what I've got to put right with you so I can Rio: I don't care about him, just you Indie: you reckon imma roll with any of his shots on any day Indie: hes chief and he always been it Indie: dont fucking play me that way Indie: what you did is you left me w him Rio: I didn't know where you were Rio: and I couldn't stay Indie: not bothered Indie: where you expect him to try and be? hes not gonna still lay out at hers Rio: Exactly Rio: So I can't be there now Rio: I didn't expect any of this, I didn't think he'd do anything like this, Jesus Indie: it's chill for you w mckenna primed to jet you to skerries Indie: i dont get to leave this drum Indie: his now Rio: Go Home Rio: they'd rather have you there than with him Indie: yeah cos i can show my face Rio: Of course you can Rio: you've not done anything wrong Indie: it looks exactly like his Indie: how are they trying to see that rn Indie: how are you fit to either Rio: So does Edie Rio: and they want her home too Rio: you aren't him Indie: nah Indie: shes got your ma in her Indie: and shes blood Rio: When has that ever mattered to us? Indie: hes made it like it aint before Indie: us v you Rio: Nah Rio: he hasn't got that influence Indie: i cant be around it Indie: none of Rio: Alright but can you be around him? Rio: What are you gonna do Indie: ive got places Indie: if you get to run i get to run Rio: I told you Rio: I'll come back Indie: to what and to where bitch Indie: we aint got a yard of our own anymore Rio: Just please go home Indie: im going where i feel love Indie: still Rio: Don't do them like that Rio: that's bullshit Indie: don't come for me Indie: you aint there Indie: if you feel it so hard you take it Rio: Like I said Rio: you didn't do anything wrong Indie: and you aint Indie: whatever he spits Rio: We both know it ain't that cut and dry Indie: whats bullshit now Indie: ive been front row Indie: 👀 & 👂 Indie: you cant chat that to me Rio: Yeah, you have, and so has he Rio: not an excuse but clearly fucked with him Indie: allow it Indie: hes been trying to get on you since he dashed ryan out Indie: fucked with you since then least Indie: it aint no new dream Rio: Yeah and I've been hoeing since when Indie: dont give him no licence to slip Indie: hes known you since younger than Rio: I've always been like this Indie: what you feeding me his lines for Rio: He's not entirely full of shit Indie: dash that Indie: youre spinning me out Indie: come back when youre you Indie: not his rinsed hoe that cant relate Indie: if youre gonna buy in you shouldve just rode him Rio: Fuck off Indie: youre his mouth piece rn Indie: word by word Rio: I don't have all the answers, alright Rio: I'm sorry but that's the truth Indie: nah Indie: the truth is you reckon hes right Indie: i live in that madness Indie: that means him or you if thats how youre trying to be Indie: *cant Rio: I'm not saying his actions were Rio: He still shouldn't have Indie: what youre saying tho is dred enough Indie: you think you can come through and raise me w that outlook nah bitch Indie: i already got one ma who let him run her Rio: What do you want me to say? Rio: I'm fucked, Indie, that's all there is to it Indie: what do you want me to say Indie: gone is gone Indie: she is and you are Indie: same reason Rio: Don't be like that Rio: I'm not dead Indie: dead to me if youre gonna let him say what he is and not fight back Rio: If that's how you feel Rio: then I can't change your mind on that Indie: how are you still rolling Indie: taking this Indie: what more he gotta do Rio: It's over now, it's done Indie: its not done Indie: he wants me to live with him Indie: pass you over Indie: he wants to say that everything he did you loved it like that Rio: Well no one believes him or will listen so Indie: then what you hiding for Indie: you dont say that but do this Rio: because I don't want to be there alright Indie: why tho Rio: Same reasons you don't Indie: where you gonna be Rio: I haven't decided where I'll end up yet Rio: but I'm going back to London with Buster for a bit Indie: safe Rio: I know that's not how you really feel Rio: but that's what I've got to do Indie: you do you Indie: ill do me and that's how it is now Rio: You still have everyone else Indie: i kno i got heads Indie: im good Indie: got all my boys including my main 💘 Rio: Yeah, them too Indie: its jam Indie: got my own back above it too Rio: I know Rio: You don't have to pretend it's all alright Rio: it's fucked Indie: like it hasnt been from when Rio: exactly Rio: so stick with the fam Rio: don't make it harder on yourself, no one wants you to Indie: tell yourself Indie: i dont need you to school me rn its hols still Rio: Be serious Indie: how serious you want it Rio: Admit that you aren't alright, accept the help people want to give you Rio: and do what I say Rio: or I will come back and force you to too Indie: i cant Rio: You can Rio: I know you can Indie: i need air from this too Indie: why is that only for you Rio: Because you're only 14 Rio: you can't do this on your own Rio: you can still be out all day and all night but don't forget that that's your base and that's your people Indie: im grown enough when thats how you want it Indie: and him Rio: Because I let you come to some parties with me and didn't baby you? Rio: It isn't the same Rio: I never made you do anything that was actually inappropriate, and I didn't love it when you were getting high 24/7 to cope, I never acted like I did Rio: so don't even start Indie: dont make me now then Rio: I'm telling you Rio: I'll come home right now, yeah Indie: nah Rio: No, I'm going to Indie: be in london or our ends, be where you want Indie: not for me tho Indie: if your around me hes around you Indie: that aint how this is playing out Rio: Not if we're home Rio: he's got some sense, fucking hell Rio: that's how it's going to be, this isn't happening, we should all be under one roof Indie: dont law me Indie: i aint owned by you Indie: you said you dont wanna be there Indie: im not carrying that i fucking cant Rio: You don't just get to do what you want, you're a child, I'm barely not one Rio: this is how we got here Indie: we got here cos of him Indie: hes not running me Indie: not ever Indie: ill do what i want Rio: Yeah, he ain't Rio: because he doesn't know how to be a fucking parent Rio: you'll get taken into care if you aren't careful Indie: thats what youre gonna chat now Indie: the baitest line you can pull Indie: thats been over me since i was born into this Indie: but where am i Indie: still Rio: because everyone else made sure you stayed here Rio: if you reckon that was the wrong decision then you can feel hard done by but everyone was just doing their best for you, what seemed best at the time Indie: i aint living like ive turned from them Indie: dont be extra Rio: Good Rio: don't Indie: if i need to make things lighter on myself i will Indie: you cant force me to be anywhere Rio: Yeah what do I know Rio: Do what you like, it's gonna be a laugh a minute Indie: im not vibing for that much of a jump off Indie: just not this Indie: let me be with people who dont kno Indie: why is that something to get the feds out over Rio: Because I was never saying you couldn't be, I don't know why you're coming at me with that Rio: but you need to promise me you're not going to keep away from the fam completely and you won't and I'm not thick Rio: I know what that means Indie: Edie gets to do it Indie: wheres her come through Rio: She doesn't Rio: she just does it Rio: we're all trying to sort that every fucking day, don't get it twisted babe Indie: how cant i Indie: everything else is Rio: I know Rio: but we don't need to be throwing more shit to sort onto the pile you feel Indie: i cant give you what you need Indie: i cant handle this Indie: i barely had my head around how it was trying to be w him and my step ma and the younger Indie: what is this Rio: I'm not asking you for anything, how can I when I'm letting you down so hard Rio: I don't know, it's fucked, everything is fucked Rio: you're still going to have a younger though, she's not going anywhere Indie: like how Edie didnt yeah? Indie: i wont be allowed near Indie: she didnt like me fore this Rio: She's a messed up kid, you are too Rio: it isn't personal, she just needs to blame us all for the shit that's in her head and I can't really blame her Rio: it's easy for us to all sit back and say well it's all Drew so don't look at us Rio: but he ain't the fucking boogeyman, whatever he is Indie: he still takes everything from me Indie: it'll play down to the next Indie: another messed up kid and then Rio: Yeah, it shouldn't have happened Rio: we can't actually castrate him though Indie: he gives me a sister to take her away again Indie: no way im playing happy families w his failed wifey am i Rio: Ro will always let you see Astrid Rio: she ain't like that, again, whatever she is Rio: you don't have to be her best friend to see your sister Indie: she didnt want me around when she was 😍 itll be less now shes 💔 Rio: She just doesn't know how to handle people Rio: fullstop Rio: it wasn't because of you Indie: you can chat that but what she doesnt kno how to handle is reminders of how he be Indie: thats me Indie: i came for her perfect image and now im an i told you so Rio: You're nothing like him, just in looks Rio: whatever grievance she has with Drew, is with him Rio: and frankly she should have sorted long ago but regardless, it ain't on you Indie: nah cos im from him, my ma everything back then he aint learned from it Indie: who wants to know that bout someone whenever they have to see me coming through Rio: You aren't that, to us you're you Rio: and to the olders, you remind them if your Ma, and all the good there Rio: No one needs reminding of his fuckups because he's still alive and out here making 'em, come on Indie: how did he want another kid and not us Rio: I don't think he did want her Rio: Sorry but Indie: I don't want to be in my head Indie: this place Indie: none Rio: I know Rio: Me either Indie: I'm sorry i didnt stay at the baby shower Indie: maybe if i wasnt so high Indie: idk man Rio: You can't blame yourself, none of us can Indie: i wasnt in your corner Rio: He was going to make that happen, he'd decided and that's how he rolls, fuck whatever any of us want or do or say Rio: You were, things were good, they don't have to change, we don't, you and me Indie: i can stop him sometimes Indie: if hes feeling it he listens to me Rio: Yeah, I'm not trying to take what you do have with him Rio: but likewise, not going to let you try to carry that burden, he's grown, he makes choices and even if you ain't got there to try and stop him, it's NEVER on you, alright Indie: me and him are rinsed out Indie: hes too on top to be around Indie: i vibe the chaos but i cant let him do me this way any more Indie: he tried to take you from me like its no thing and play it out like thats how you wanted it for long Indie: i cant unhear him how he chatted at me Rio: I'm really sorry, Inds Rio: wasteman or not, you shouldn't have to be out here calling time, but I understand and respect why and how you gotta Rio: Whatever you need, alright? You know you got me, I can get us a new place, we can go home, anything Rio: but you can take time too, you don't need to decide anything else rn Indie: he aint gonna heed it and i kno that Indie: its another reason i need to go Indie: my mans will protect me i aint gonna make you Indie: you gotta let mckenna do what he do and make it less Indie: take the air he aint trying to give none of us you kno Indie: i been a brat on how this convo went down Indie: ive got too much love for you to play you Rio: I know, he doesn't Rio: I want to, swear Rio: but maybe we both need time Rio: long as you promise to tell me when you need me to come back, I mean it, like, say the word when you need and there's no backlash of any kind alright Indie: I want you back now, for real Indie: but we all tripping off this Indie: and you need to get your head right too Indie: what he did its not just gonna be no thing cos thats easier you feel me Indie: same as how he cant switch now and need me to stand in for everything he lost Indie: he aint no dad to me Rio: You're right Rio: on all of it Rio: when'd you get so smart? Indie: im just 🚀 makes me sound it Indie: stoner wisdom be like Rio: Nah, I know that sound babe and it's usually total 💩 Indie: i miss you Indie: im not trying to but its real Rio: I miss you too Rio: we can still meet up, however long I gotta be away, I won't stay gone you know Indie: dont swerve me once you living lavish in london with that posh boy Rio: As if Rio: 24 'til I die, like Indie: how we gonna get the flat back Rio: tell the 'RA lads the address and they can firebomb him out? Rio: nah, we'll think of something though Indie: when everythings there but i kno he is Indie: im wearing creeps garms like im his rn Rio: I made Buster go for me, thank God he weren't there yet Rio: You could get Creeps to bell him for some gear and send him on a wild goose chase, pack as much as you can and duck out Rio: do it multiple times and take your stuff back home, even if you drop it whilst everyone's out, just so you've got a base that ain't got him in yeah? Indie: the excuse for why my homework aint done be 🔥 tho Indie: but yeah we riding cos thats a sick move Rio: Honestly Rio: this School this town so fucking sick of this fam Rio: lowkey hilarious if it weren't so dred Indie: innit Indie: if he wanna be my daddy so bad why he not writing me a note to get me outta detention Indie: 👀 you drew Rio: Teachers thinking you forged it 'cos who??? Indie: 🤔😂 Indie: markos here Indie: gotta bounce Rio: Oh, alright babe Rio: talk later 🧡 Indie: ✌

0 notes

paraseekersuk · 5 years

Text

Asatru Ceremonies

Describing the various types of ceremonies in Asatru.

Asatru: Ceremonies

Ceremonies are social events for those who practice Asatru. Honoring the Gods, revering various wights and ancestors, etc, may all be done in private and often do not even require a special ceremony or anything of the sort. So why have a ceremony in the first place? A ceremony does serve the purpose of providing social framework and allowing for communities to gather/participate and because of this it is thought the actions taken in these settings have additional meaning. When it comes to the different types of ceremonies in Asatru, it is important to note that there are various ways they can be done. Some prefer a High Ritual type of ceremony, while others prefer a Plain Speech ceremony. These differ in the way they are conducted. Either way, ceremony is a public expression and meant to be an affirmation of your beliefs in the community, while affirming and bonding you with your kindred/kin, etc. The most common ceremony you will see in the Asatru community is known as a blot: this is a feast/sacrifice type of ceremony with the purpose of offering gifts/honor to the Gods. In the Book of Blots, Rod Landreth lists the main types of rituals under this context as: celebratory rites, folk-binding, initiatory rites, devotional rites, and several other purposes combined.(Paxson)

High Ritual Ceremonies vs Plain Speech Ceremonies

High ritual ceremonies tend to be archaic (meaning they speak using poetic language, wear/use sacred cloth, make sacred space to do the ceremony in) and tend to also be very highly structured and organized. On the flip side of that, you have plain speech ceremonies, which tend to be very casual (often those participating will wear normal clothes, speak normally, etc) and have a loose construction/framework. Most kindreds/gathering of Asatruars tend to follow the plain speech type of ceremonies- as most simply feel more comfortable in that setting. Which is fine! You want to be comfortable and relaxed in this environment for the ceremonies to go along smoothly. Those who prefer plain speech tend to view this as a Every day type of thing, because they generally have the impression that Asatru is just another part of their daily lives. However, there are still those who tend to be more traditional/older in their workings and prefer the high ritual type of ceremony. The perception of bringing spiritual reality to physical existence is very fulfilling for them.. The ritual symbolism in high ritual (ceremonies) refreshes and reaffirms the esoteric knowledge that underlies the religion..(Shetler) As with anything, it is up to the individuals.

1. The Opening of the Ceremony

The opening in the ceremony is the time where preparations for the ceremony and what will be doing during its course are made. This is where you set the stage for what you will be doing, as Shetler so kindly worded it. You would begin by offering an invitation to the participants to be a part of the ceremony. After this is done, you discuss what the ceremony is, its purpose, why it is being done, etc. This is to make sure everyone is on the same page for the work to be done ahead. Initial rituals tend to be done during these early stages, depending on the group and their customs (invocations, blessings/wardings, etc).

The Opening can be different depending on the High Ritual or Plain Speech setting. Under the High Ritual one, it is common for the Gothi/Gythja (Priest/Priestess) to call the members there to assemble and gather, then together they work to make the space sacred. There are several ways this can be done. From my experience, it is often common to light a fire or incense and carry these things around the space you are wishing to make sacred. The purpose of doing this is to clear the area of any harmful/negative influences as well as make an area that is equal in physical/spiritual space. It also serves the purpose of creating a magickal mood for the setting. It can be helpful to members in drawing their points of attention to a singular focus/task at hand. In High Ritual ceremonies, once this is done, the invocations are made. These can be to a specific God, a family of Gods, wights, spirits, ancestors, etc. This is where said Gods(etc) are called upon to be participants in the ceremony with the others.

Under the Plain Speech type of ceremony, the Gothi/Gythja call the members together to briefly explain what the ceremony is about and how it is going to be conducted. The space is not usually made sacred, though there are exceptions. Sometimes blessings are included in the opening under this type of ritual. Instead of making Sacred space, created a mood for the setting can be as simple as sitting quietly for a few moments, calming the mind and clearing the head of thoughts through meditation. Incense may or may not be lit, some groups like to wash their altar in fire to cleanse it before beginning. If there is invocation to a God/spirit/etc in this ceremony, it is done at this time and it is very simply, in plain speech, without becoming complex. Short, sweet and to the point describes this type of ceremony perfectly.

Some groups like to use the Hammer Rite, created by Edred Thorsson. Its purpose is to define the boundaries of the ritual space and gather attention/focus. If youve never looked into it, I recommend it. It is also important to note that the invocation during this process is called the Call, Halsing or Bidding. It is a prayer/request that welcomes and invited the Gods/spirits, etc to the gathering. Most view this as a very important aspect of the ceremony opening, even if simplified.

2. The Body of the Ceremony

This part of the ceremony is where the actual workings are done. In the body is where the portions of a ceremony specific to that particular ceremony actually take place.. Whether you are performing High Ritual or Plain Speech or a combination of anything in-between, ceremony is about doing something publicly. That may be celebrating a season, marrying a couple, or whatever!(Shetler)

High Ritual ceremonies tend to have a specific way the body of the ceremony is organized. It usually is composed of several symbolic acts, speeches, invocations, and ritualized activities. These types of workings under this setting are meant to bring the spiritual/physical realms together, hence the symbolic acts. These acts can be done in a variety of ways: sometimes members will act out the role of a specific entity, become an abstraction or concept, or alter the states of consciousness through various means. (Ive written an article on the eightfold path to altered states of consciousness- this is where those techniques are commonly used: breathing, trancework, etc)

Plain Speech ceremonies tend to be extremely different. The acts, invocations, may often be the same in idea but very simple and direct in context. It doesnt rely on esoteric knowledge for understanding(Shetler). You may see some trancework, and an altering of the states of consciousness, but you rarely will see members/participants in a plain speech setting act out or become like any specific entity, this is often seen as unnecessary to those who follow this type of ceremony. Simple and direct- this is all the body of these types of ceremony need.

3. The Closing of the Ceremony

This part of the ceremony is meant to close the work that has been done, finish anything left to do, and affirm the end of the ceremony. It is common for there to be a giving of thanks during the closing, where the Gods/entities/spirits that were invoked during the opening/body are thanked for their participation in the ceremony. There is also a thanks between the participants, the priest/ess, etc. After a cooling down period, where the participants let the energy from the ceremony settle, there is usually a sacrifice made. These are offerings made to the spiritual participants in the ritual, and they come in many forms. Sacrifices serve the purpose of demonstrating good will and/or as thanks/token of esteem. It means to give up something important to you. In a sense, you pay a price for the work that was done during the ritual. (Some believe that there is no price to be paid, but most see it as honorable to give a gift for a gift: meaning, you asked a God/spirit/etc for help and it is only fair and just that you give something in return for the efforts of the entity the was a part of your working).

In various blots, the offering may consist of mead or some other form of drink. It is consecrated to the deity or entity that was invoked previously. The actual consecration consists of a blessing and the signing of the horn with the hammer sign or a (specific) rune. Once the drink or offering has been blessed, the remains are poured into an offering bowl. The bowl is sometimes passed around by each member. Each member typically will say a few words of honor, then take a drink. After each member has done this, the remaining content in the bowl is usually poured on the Earth/put outside/ put in a hole in the ground, etc.

The space that was made sacred under the High Ritual type of ceremony is now desanctified. The thanks given tend to be very stiff and formal in wording/actions. If sacred space was made by the lighting of fire/candles/incense, these things are doused. If a circle was walked holding a flame to make the space, it is now walked backwards to open the space up.) Members are now allowed to leave.

Plain Speech ceremonies have a very short blessing at the end of most ceremonies, occasionally sprinkling them with mead or water from a blessing bowl. A brief word-offering is made to the spirits, and everyone leaves after this. Sometimes there is a feast held after the closing of said ceremony, it depends on the group.

Sources:

A Book of Troth by Thorsson Edred

Northern Magic by Thorsson Edred

Living Asatru by Greg Shetler

Essential Asatru by Diana Paxson

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brackishbarracuda · 7 years

Note

♧ ♥ ♢ ♕ ☾☽☂ ☺ ☹ ☣ ♨ ✆ ▽

first off if this is finny i will yell, Why.

if it isnt finny, also, Wh y

♧ Is there an RP partner(s) that you credit for becoming a better writer?

Several?? Practically all of them, actually, every one of them. even and almost especially if we dont actually sit down and paragraph a lot. Even if were just throwing a lot of ‘imagine if x happened’ at one another, Its still an important exercise and has helped me know my characters so much better and i appreciate every single one of you, jfc

♥ What's your favorite ship with your muse?

Since this is saying muse in particular, i have to go with her diamond, @vvicissitudo

Honestly eridan and meenah was never a ship i thought i would be invested in when i first started but they clicked me and the mun clicked and weve been riding this damn train for like three real live years.

Im generally fond of anyone she can connect with on a deep unspoken level, no matter who they are. And really, the unspoken chemistry is the important part of that equation.

read more bc this is a lot of words. :I

♢ What's an AU that you think just won't work with your muse?

Anything too childish, i think? I mean ive been playing her so long i can really put her in anything, but shes got to have freedom to be the little shit she is, and an au without some kind of real tension she can get on the wrong side of i just dont think would work really well. Shes a brat, honestly.

♕ Do you like magic!anons? Why or why not?

I do and I dont? I like things that throw wrenches in plans and cause drama and give my muses some tension when they get too comfortable. it doesnt even have to be my muse, just someone shes close to so she can react and interact! its fun to ask ‘what if’ and i like the generally accepted universal constant of the gray faces who fuck with people like childish multiversal gods. as if these guys needed anything else to fuck up their world view.

On the other side of that token, though, im not usually fond of ‘perm. M!As’

like, being a little trickster (in the classic sense) is fun and all, but anything that gives away powers or tails or changes too much of anything forever just isnt for me and takes away from the muse i worked hard to develop. I dont have a single problem with other people who like them! have fun be merry; enjoy yourselves, honestly. they just arent for me.

☾ Do you like writing smut? Why or why not?

I really really have to be very comfortable with a muse and mun to be okay writing it. theres no real personal reasons for it, its just not something i think im good at?? like dont get me wrong, writing the lead up is great fun and actually getting into is great too but its just not something i can do all of the time. it makes me nervous and can get draining really fast.

I do like sexual encounters with other muses! its a good part of who meenah is as a person!! and I love writing her that way, i love the development, and the relationships and the intimacy, and yeah sometimes i want to write it all the way through. sometimes its just the lead up, sometimes its foreplay, but its never something i like to write for the sake of writing it. Its got to be part of her story.

☽ Do you like writing angst? Why or why not?

I love the whole package, not just the woe is me part. you cant get your character anywhere if they’re happy sunshine all of the time. things get to them, they’re people. sometimes its a slow build up of small things, sometimes its an existential crisis. Sometimes its the last straw after a long week and sometimes somebody they love is hurt. shit happens, and they have to figure out how to get through it. Thats the part i love. How do they move on, how do they cope, do they cope? Whats the fall out, how do they change. What can get them through the night. Thats where it gets fun.

☂ How does your muse spend a rainy day? How do you spend a rainy day?

She tends to keep an eye on her moirail (storms mess with him sometimes, it used to be worse than it is now, but she still worries), or if shes feeling down shell bake to try to brighten the place up. If thats not working and shes desperate, shell either give in and mope the whole day or go to a friend or quads place to get away from it. On rare occations, the stars between her mood and the people she love’s well being will align and shell go swimming in it and enjoy herself.

Personally, i tend to hole up and get warm and sleep as much as possible. rain always makes me tired.

☺ What's a character that you desperately want your muse to play with? Why?

Honestly she needs other peixes in her life. somebody who /gets it/ who she can actually respect as something better than a tyrant or a naive kid. That, and more serkets. ive never really gotten the change to explore her relationships with serkets, and its a shame.

☹ What's a character that you refuse to play with? Why?

needlessly murderous clowns and ‘let me eat your face for no reason’ tricksters. i.e. people who use clowns and tricksters as token murder villians. I just dont vibe with that.

☣ What's one thing that will make you drop a thread?

lack of chemistry, and things that? just dont make sense to me, honestly. I dont thread a lot to begin with because i just cant focus on them for very long, and im forever nervous about the way i write so thers a lot of other reasons that i might drop a thread that are nearlly all my fault and not a reason anyone else can be held acountable for. i need a lot of mun comunication to really enjoy something though.

♨ What's a muse that you wished had lasted, but didn't?

all of them that i never got off the ground....

my favorite besides meenah however was my cobalt nepeta... she was the most fun ive had i think, she nearly had a full timeline and we were all bouncing off one another and she caused a beautiful shit storm or two. but people didnt mesh and things happen and it fell apart and she was such a part of the people that were in it i couldnt keep her up. ive been thinking about revamping her though -

And i answered the last two already!!

#ooc #ooc baracuda #Anonymous

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porcelain-dollfaces · 7 years

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confession letter #3 (2016 july)

maybe you know this about me, but you probably dont- i see things in black and white, with no gray area. its either all good or all bad, people either heroic or evil, situations perfect or completely fucked.

for the greater part, ive put you on a pedestal but with that, i also take a lot of my internal anguish out on you even when it doesnt have anything to do with you. for that im sorry. i like you and i think ill always care about you. i guess that comes from a few incredible moments with you that i wouldnt trade for the world. i see you as the strength i lack in myself and someone id like to keep around in my life because you have shown in the past that youre worthy (ok, but at the same time i still alternate between loving and hating you depending on my mood so). youre also the first person ive had sex with since getting sexually assaulted two years ago in addition to the almost date rape incident, so theres that too.

im a huge fucking mess right now. mix anxiety and depression with a killer ecstasy comedown and hormonal post plan-b breakdowns, and this is the result. i dont fare well when people leave, especially since my death anxieties are constantly at an all time high since dylan died and i never thought it would be the last time i ever saw him when i did. so many people are leaving/have left, including my grandparents and my best friend. youre leaving too and im so scared youll forget about me, because with you, i always assume that im just some tinder girl that you fucked. i dont know if you care, because my minds so plagued by negative thoughts when im anxious and its easier to just jump to the conclusion that you hate me or that you dont care; its definitely easier than thinking you care when you actually dont. i dont know if that makes sense at all to you, but thats how i think and these are my thoughts.

i also dont do well when i know someone hates me, and trust me, someone is pretty fucking mad at me. that had to do with you, even though it was my fault for being indecisive and needing attention all the fucking time. they say hurt people hurt others, and for that i have a running tally of all those ive destroyed. i think ive recognized my own power for destruction, and id be scared to encounter someone like me, which is why im always on guard. when people i hurt ache, i ache too because i know how it feels and its not a good place to be. i also know that someone else probably hates me too for needing to take the fall for something i fucked up on, legal troubles and all. that really stresses me out, that i could have potentially screwed up her life and id never forgive myself if its on her permanent record or something.

i guess i also got reminded of someone from the past this summer, and i keep linking him back to you. like you, he was charismatic and funny, and in return for healing my wounds and listening to my ramblings, i gave him a ticket into my life and my thoughts. he had a girlfriend but lied to me and said that he was single because he knew i liked him and that i would do anything for him and basically talked me into hooking up with him three years ago, and im still not over it because if i were, then i wouldnt have all this trouble trusting you all of a sudden when things between us before were smooth sailing and what not. im blindly assuming you have someone because id rather be safe than have to pick up the pieces later. i swore id never be in that same place again, which is why i started pushing you away even when i knew how i truly felt about you.

those are a few things going on, to name a few. im a mess, im sad and nervous and i have a lot of trouble not overthinking and controlling my impulses and feeling too much. i need to work on myself, so i wouldnt even be able to handle a relationship right now in my condition. in that case, you shouldnt even want to be with me because ive been a little toxic and i pretty much have destroyed everything that ive touched. people keep leaving and im not really sure how to cope other than to take it out on you. i think im also a little jealous that you found a place where you belong and my whole world is shattering around me.

im like your modern day siren, luring people in because i crave the attention and the affection and because my passion and extremities draw people to me. that said, youll never meet anyone like me or have this same experience with someone else because im special and im worthy and if you dont see that now, youll see that once im gone.

i think its clear that im not the girl who has everything, even though ive basically projected myself as that up until this summer. you said youd always be there for me, and i guess i took that seriously. i soaked up every word you said as if you were reading the bible to me and im not ready to let that go because the world feels safer and kinder when youre in mine. all in all, i want you to be happy because after getting to know you, i truly believe that you deserve it all. i still dont want you to leave, because people always leave, but even if you arent physically here at least be there for me in spirit.

#personal

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survivormarmoreal · 5 years

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Episode #14: "i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted)” - Bryce

I can't believe that I am here. I made it to the Final 4. It is very crazy. I thought that I was toast in the Final 6. So to be here now is very exciting and shocking. The final 3 is going to depend on who wins immunity. I am really hoping that I could win this immunity to secure my spot in the final 3. If not then I hope that Matt doesn't win it. He needs to be an option just in case. I'm very nervous. I just finished my rites of passage. and its crazy that its almost final tribal.

so im getting 4th. FJKASDHFKJh this comp is so hard and like im literally not gonna be able to do endurance so i need to do well on the other stuff but i just dont see that happening... like this puzzle first try was 70 minutes FJKASDHFKAJS. AND I KNOW COUNTING WILL MESS ME UP BC IM NERVOUS WRECK i didnt even mean to caps that but its tea. like flash game i think when i played this once before i wasnt bad but maybe i was who knows. im so emo like no one is talking to me anymore FKJASHDFKJ like i guess bc its just 1 vote left they dont wanna pretend they wont cut me FJAKSDFH like my game not even that good im gonna get dragged by sharky/nathan/keaton/nicole/ everyone but brian... maybe even brian who knows NNNN. my nnn. is so iconic.. maynor who?. idk like ok so if i win immunity (which i wont) idek what to do like i feel like voting matt is the best option maybe. bc i WONT be voting maynor bc i love him (not that i dont love anna and matt) but i just feel like we've had the best relationship of the f4 and im confident that the jury will like my game more than his (maybe they wont tho... i say confident but i mean 2% (not skim) sure they will) but ok so annabelle prob is hated by jury at least from brian and maybe even sharky? but like she didnt play bad she literally made most iconic move at f6 and i respect that but idk if jurors do like ppl keep saying shes a goat so maybe she has no chance. and then theres matt where like ppl cant be mad he voted them when everyone and their mom in this game has voted him ASDKJFHASDKJ. like so hes prob liked by jury but i just dont know if hes done anything to deserve to win. he found 2 idols successfully played 1 but that was more on anna/nicks weird sense of leaking when it didnt really benefit them. but like ok he was least threatening member of trio who got to the end so underdog edit is there even tho he literally wasnt underdog tbh u know who was an underdog... ME. i had NO ONE but nathan for a lil.. then dennis... then he got ROBBED. so then i had brian... but he got ROBBED. and now i have maynor like ive literally flipped and flopped to better my game and idk like i am physically able to meaningfully say ive done anything good ever in life or orgs but like i didnt do too bad i think! KJFAHSDKJF... idk maybe im getting 0 votes 3rd place no matter what and if thats the case im still so happy bc ive had a lot of fun in this game and met some true friends (and keaton) but like im getting 4th anyway so doesnt matter! ugh that sounds like a final goodbye confession but i know me and im gonna confess like 10 more times before this round is over so if i do get 4th/3rd just know that this was my true end...

So like.... I do not think i'm winning immunity. like at all. which makes me pretty nervous ngl. I really want to be there at the finale cause i think I have a good shot. If Bryce loses, i'm fairly sure i'm good to get to FTC but otherwise im scared. Making FTC would be really good for me cause I think i can out argue Maynor and Annabelle fairly well, but otherwise with bryce there idk. So like, BRYCE CAN'T WIN IMMUNITY. Also this FIC is disgusting like no thanks. I've already fucked up the 2 live ones so uh ya am annoyed :(. woo final juror here i come!

Bryce won immunity. Im glad. I wouldnt want to be in the position to vote Bryce. I had to abstained from the counting part cuz it triggered my anxiety. I tried tho but i couldnt. This vote is going to be said. Matt is going to go 4th. And i feel really bad. We got to know each other more during every tribal. This really sucks. I just dont want to give him false hope where there isnt any. Im going to help tomorrow.

I am so getting final juror. fuck. i knew it would happen if bryce won immunity and it fucking is. I am so sad about this. I have worked so hard all game to get here and its just being tossed away like that. I am SO sad. I have fucked up my sleep schedule for this game and now its getting me final juror. ugh. i just wanted to get to the end and like argue my case. but now? not happening :( i hate this

I WON I REALLY WON IMMUNITY ASKDJFHASKDJF I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA LOSE WHEN I GOT 12 POSTS ASJFKHKASJFDHASDKJF THATS SO NNNNN IM SO HAPPY BUT SO SAD BC NOW I TRIED TO TELL MATT IM VOTING HIM BC I WANT TO BE HONEST BUT HE SAYS HES TALKING TO A BRICK WALL LIKE???? SORRY FOR NOT WANTING TO GIVE U FALSE HOPE AJDSFHDKAJ its honestly so rude like ive been in that position before so i know what its like when ur pleading ur case and the person doesnt seem to care and im NOT doing that. but obvioulsy i didnt just make up a plan on what to do at f4 so obviously i have thoughts and plans and im not just gonna switch it up bc u plea to me now. idk KJASHDFKJ also im so scared im gonna lose now NNN hes saying anna played so well and tbh she kind of did maybe i lose no matter what...

So like i am leaving but its ok! why? cause i will preserve my legacy by dropping a whole ass fajita recipe here so that I can feel like i have made an IMPACT on the season. Even though like im still sad its me, im going out with a bang baby! I don't use this recipe personally ( I am a broke student) but its v.good!

Ingredients: 2 large chicken breasts, finely sliced 1 red onion, finely sliced (ready to make you cry) 1 red pepper, sliced 1 red chilli, finely sliced (optional) For the marinade 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika 1 tbsp ground coriander pinch of ground cumin 2 medium garlic cloves, crushed 4 tbsp olive oil 1 lime juiced 4-5 drops Tabasco

Method: Heat oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6 and wrap 6 medium tortillas in foil.

Mix 1 heaped tbsp smoked paprika, 1 tbsp ground coriander, a pinch of ground cumin, 2 crushed garlic cloves, 4 tbsp olive oil, the juice of 1 lime and 4-5 drops Tabasco together in a bowl with a big pinch each of salt and pepper.

Stir 2 finely sliced chicken breasts, 1 finely sliced red onion, 1 sliced red pepper and 1 finely sliced red chilli, if using, into the marinade. 

Heat a griddle pan until smoking hot and add the chicken and marinade to the pan.

Keep everything moving over a high heat for about 5 mins using tongs until you get a nice charred effect. If your griddle pan is small you may need to do this in two batches.

To check the chicken is cooked, find the thickest part and tear in half – if any part is still raw cook until done.

Put the tortillas in the oven to heat up and serve with the cooked chicken, a bag of mixed salad and one 230g tub of fresh salsa.

hope the random person reading this uses it otherwise gj future me reading this you've officially gone insane! yeet ig?

This is going to be a sad day. I really like Matt and dont want to vote him out but its the best option from the people available. It really sucks. I feel his pain and ahh.

I’m literally going to cry. I want to help Matt. I wish we could all be final 3 but we can’t. I’m dying emotionally. Final 4 always has so much pressure cuz theres only 4 people left. I hope Matt doesn’t hate me. I hope he understands thisnis a game move because he techinically was the underdog in the beginning then was on top then back to underdog. I just hope he doesnt take it personal that I don’t think tie-ing it for him would be good for my game.

OMG IDK WHATS GONNA HAPPEN MATT GO HOME PLS BUT I FEEL LIKE ANNA IS VOTING MAYNOR IM GONNA BE SO SAD AHHHH DJSKFHSDKJF

Matt is voted out 3-1. He becomes the final juror.

ok so i had the worst day of my life today and didnt plan my speech at all so thats where im at NNN time to fake smile and hope the jurors like my ad libbed speech ASFKUHDFKJ ftc starts in 4 minutes.

well.. that was interesting adsjflhasdkfj. Like i always have 0 confidence in myself so i think im gonna lose and i really do respect the game that anna and maynor played. im just sad that i dont think i articulated myself well bc like im so bad with words anajsfhakj and ppl were saying conflicting things and its just not in me to like chime in with my pov to possible sway it in my favor bc i literally hate attention (i say as i broke out into song unprompted) but yaaa like i truly think that maybe i kind of did play super well and deserve to win but either way ill be happy bc i made *some* genuine friendships and also like had so much fun voting ppl out KFADHSKJASHK. i wish i like wrote what all my confessionals were so i could reference sth i said on day 1 but it was prob like i hate my tribe they ignore me so maybe ill just say that again FKJADSHFKJ. we love coming full circle... im so hungry i didnt eat so i will now stop typing to get dinner maybe i will write another confessional. omg wait gotta have some line thats iconic in case theres an episode title... think... love talking to myself FAKSDHFKj im so funny when i was like "i realized hey i respond to myself ill take me to the end" its such a mood KFJASDHFKJ ok but hm... ok. maybe im a snake who doesnt actually care about people and use them to my advantage to get my way but at least im not jayden. OMG jk thats so mean even tho he deserves it ALSO i was gonna like comment on keaton being like "saying the n word doesnt make u racist" but then he was kind of nice to me so i didnt.. love being as fake woke as me... not being confrontational to get a jury vote... so gross NNNN wooh idk how to end this but watch waves music video normani literally snapped so hard is being as slept on as me. omg wait... maybe im a pillow bc i sure am being slept on. iconic line.... i love the hosts so much ignore literally every cringe thing i wrote in this confessional pls FKJADSHKFJ

IM VERY DRUNK AND I DNT KNOW IF I HAD TO. BUT EITHER BRYCE OR ANNA WILL WIN CUZ IM A MES AND DONT DESERVE TO CUZ THEY WERE BOTH AMAZING FOR LETTING ME GET TO FTC. I WANNA THANK ANNA THE HOST FOR BEING AMAZING AND GREAT. I LIKED THE ALICE THEM CUZ HEART CUZ ICANT EMOHJI, ,LOVED THIS SEASON AND UR ALL AMAZING HOSTS.

Im happy I made it to the final 3. And even though FTC was bad; I enjoyed it. I know I’m probably getting 3rd which is fine. I have so much respect to Annabelle and Bryce and everyone in the jury. I’m more excited to be able to talk to all of them again. Let’s see who is our winner will it be Bryce or Annabelle!? The hosts you guys were amazing and i had a great time this season. Im glad Jones pushed and convinced me to apply. Thank you for giving me a spot in this season. And Jones you da best. 💖💛💙

confession time. everytime i write one of these i put the day as who are u and my name as what day is it.. my mind always having to go change it. but um didnt think i would be writing another one of these FJKSADF but i have no self control and winner reveal is in 4 and a half hours and im literally sick FAKJDSk i feel so anxious and nervous like even if i lose im gonna be happy but i just really want to win also im still trying to process ppl not liking me or my gameplay and saying i played with their emotions FJKASDHFJ i had a blast. anyways this is the anthem of the day apparently https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhzN7SfnNeY

WHATS GOING ON?? IM TIRED IS WHATS GOING ON IM SO ANXIOUS! im sooo anxious i want to win. pls...

Bryce wins Celestial Marmoreal in a 4-3-0 vote!

#episode #allmadhere

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comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

September 6th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 6th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on MORBIDITY by Charu.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing MORBIDITY by Charu~! (https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Ello!

RebelVampire

good day, SJ

Superjustinbros

Good day to you as well

RebelVampire

lets see, i think not so much a full scene, but one of my favorite moments is when Yuuto asks Keagan why Keagan let him in if Keagan doesn't recognize him. and keagan just has the best expression while saying he wonders himself. it was such a great insert of comedy in that moment that i couldnt help but laugh. i also think it was kind of a great showcase for keagan's personality as well

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1111726 I dunno why but I got a bit of a chuckle out of this scene

With how... sudden the tone changed

RebelVampire

i do enjoy how confused keagan looks in this part. i like the sense of ominous with that broken piece on the plant though. it screams with beautiful foreshadowing i hope at least.

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

ive also been enjoying how the recent chapter has been going. mostly with how its framed in that we never really get to see who i assume is ryo really. its focused on keagan and i like that it makes ryo seem a tad more mysterious

saetje

My favorite scene is definitely near the end of the content where Ryo starts freaking out/getting corrupted. I think it’s at that point we’re getting a sort of taste for a mood shift that’s going to be happening

Superjustinbros

I couldn't think of a good way to mention that little... episode earlier

but it definitely seems strange(edited)

saetje

I also agree I like that ryo is only seen through Keegan’s eyes right now. Solely focusing on Keegan’s perspective leaves ryo on a pedestal currently. I have a feeling we’re going to learn more about ryo later, but it’s smart to start us off through Kaegan’s eyes

RebelVampire

i like how with the whole mood shift that ryo was super accurate in that he was spoiling the mood. i particularly loved when yuuto caught up to ryo cause at that point just the sheer imagery and what was going on made me feel that the situation was truly dangerous

mathtans

I made it. ^^ Rebel, I liked that same scene, where Yuuto then remarks on how it's good he's trustworthy or whatnot.

Superjustinbros

MATH

mathtans

I didn't even notice the planet, whoa.

Hi all!

Superjustinbros

The end of the chapter looks like the start of some kind of crazy creepypasta(edited)

mathtans

Yuuto's attitude in general is pretty fun in my mind (okay if I play games?) but it definitely took a turn with the reactions towards the end. I think he didn't do his research on Keagan.

RebelVampire

haha it does kind of have a creepypasta vibe. i can picture the reddit thread for r/nosleep now. XD

to be fair to yuuto its been like 16 years so ryo would be a poor source of keagan info and maybe keagan is an internet hermit who doesnt even have facebook

saetje

I think it’s an interesting thought that kaegan’s attachment to Ryo is a little selfish. It seems as though it’s literally tethering Ryo’s ghost from moving on and putting his spirit (and others?) in danger, as well as ruining kaegan’s own relationships and life. Kaegan does seem quite overly obsessed(edited)

mathtans

It's possible. I wonder if Ryo was paying more attention to Keagan for a long time (either of his own volition or not) and only recently got his brother involved... then Yuuto didn't realize how bad things were.

seatje: Agreed. I wonder if maybe he was partly responsible for Ryo's death.

saetje

Oh that’s an interesting thought, math!

RebelVampire

yeah tbh i adore how grey it is. cause you could make an argument equally as valid in saying its selfish for ryo to ask keagan to move on. and i love that cause its what makes the conflict complicated and complex. cause there isnt one right answer cause you just cant make ppl feel things you want to feel at the drop of a hat.

saetje

So true

mathtans

I can't think of another good reason why he'd obsess that much. Even if they were lovers (which is kind of implied), I figure there has to be more to it...?

Yup, humans are a complex mess.

RebelVampire

nah they werent lovers cause huge age diff. i think the summary says it was a one-sided crush.

Superjustinbros

Right they are, math

RebelVampire

so theres def something fishy going on here

mathtans

I'm actually kind of reminded of a serial I wrote on a similar topic, which occurred to me as I was reading too. It's a good theme to build on.

saetje

I’m a little confused by the timeline- was kaegan young and just had a crush on an older ryo or did they get to a point of being consenting lovers?

Oh! Rebel answered

mathtans

Rebel: Ahh, good point, missed that. Guess I jumped to conclusions given the circumstances of when we first heard the name.

RebelVampire

“Nine year old Keagan had a onesided crush on eightteen year old Ryo. Then, Ryo died. Nearly sixteen years later Ryo's little brother Yuuto comes into Keagan's life to tell him to "get over Ryo's death".”

just so everyone can be on the same page

Superjustinbros

Thanks, Rebel.

RebelVampire

i take the implication to be that ryo died when keagan was 9

saetje

Okay, there you go! Thank you

RebelVampire

which man, props to keagan for A+ memory. i barely remember anything from when i was 9 XD

mathtans

Could still have been somewhat responsible though, even if young.

I barely remember things from last week sometimes. O.o

Superjustinbros

I remember a lot of things from my childhood

just saying

I practically remember how all the rooms in my house looked when I was that age

saetje

I was just thinking that, ha. Sixteen years is a long time to hold onto something, especially from childhood in such a strong way. But I guess it was also such a traumatic event for him, which tends to stick more too

Superjustinbros

and how my schools looked at the time I attended.

RebelVampire

yeah i guess if were being fair id have remembered a traumatic death. but it implies super closeness i think that goes beyond a one-sided crush. so theres definitely more to see there

QUESTION 2. While it’s clear that Keagan and Ryo had past history, a lot is left to question. How do you believe Keagan and Ryo met, especially considering their age difference? Why do you think Keagan crushed so hard on Ryo despite the age difference between them? Do you think the attachment to Ryo was born purely out of affection, or do you think there’s more to Keagan’s past that explains the attachment? Do you think the way Ryo died has something to do with why Keagan can’t move forward? Or is it something in general perhaps about Keagan’s past history with Ryo? Lastly, why do you think Keagan remembers Ryo so well but seems completely clueless about Yuuto?

gives self A+ for beautiful segway

mathtans

Or segue, even.

saetje

Oh that’s true- how could he not know yuuto?

mathtans

Maybe Yuuto's a half-brother?

saetje

I have a thought that yuuto may be a trans man? So perhaps he transitioned and presented as a girl on the past?

Superjustinbros

I wonder, if Ryo didn't die, would Keagan find it more easy to move forward?

mathtans

Yuuto's also younger, so maybe Ryo left home at 16 or something and didn't talk about his family.

saetje

Just feels as though the artist is fairly good at drawing anatomy of all sexes, not shying away from lgbt content, and yuuto seems intentionally more slender and androgynous. But it’s just a passing thought/hunch , I could be wrong

mathtans

On the topic of how they met... maybe they met online first? Or through some sort of spiritual connection? That could also explain the difficulty in letting go.

saetje

Yeah it’s also possible he never met Yuuto?

Superjustinbros

What was technology like back when Keagan was younger

I wonder

mathtans

Saeje: Could be, I guess based on some of the Q&A stuff I just see him as a guy with his own style.

Superjustinbros

Cause when I was that age the internet was like, brand new

mathtans

That who never met Yuuto, Keagan or Ryo himself?

saetje

Ah, I tend to skim q&a stuff so it’s possible I missed some key character insights

RebelVampire

dont discount the trans theory. never impossible. and i assume theyre following our time line so internet was probably like it was 16 years ago.

i feel like keagan must of met yuuto tho

just cause yuuto showed up thinking keagan would obviously know him somehow

and if they never met there is no reason for yuuto to assume that

and in all honesty it seems most likely that keagan met ryo through yuuto

just cause yuuto and keagan seem closer in age maybe

mathtans

I guess I just assumed that the "would obviously know" part came from the fact that if you're obsessing over a guy for 15+ years, you'd look into his family. Come to think, maybe they met at the funeral and Keegan simply doesn't recall that.

Assuming that there was a funeral, and it's not a case of Ryo's body vanishing after being murdered by an evil demon that Keagan unleashed upon the world.

saetje

just found this on the 'q&a' section, but might not be canon:(edited)

mathtans

(Oh no, new channel, I can't do my trolling face...)

Superjustinbros

Dawwww!!!

saetje

so I'm probably wrong aaand! I guess they did know each other, but it's just likely Kaegan didn't recognize him right away. I mean his style did change quite a lot

mathtans

Right, I saw that, I guess I didn't immediately think it was an actual photo as much as an artist rendering.

RebelVampire

ah yeah i was just gonna point that image out from the Q&A!

mathtans

Yuuto dyes the hair now.

Superjustinbros

well people do change a lot when they age

mathtans

I wonder if he went into the practice in part because of whatever happened to Ryo.

Maybe it used to be Ryo's thing.

Now gotta pick up the slack in the family.

RebelVampire

yeah to be fair if yuuto and keagan lost contact, of course he probably doesnt recognize yuuto after 16 years old.

Superjustinbros

Exactly

saetje

yeah

RebelVampire

and yuuto is silly in retrospect to expect that. but hard to say what the nature of the relationship was

maybe keagan and yuuto were bestest friends, yuuto introduced keagan to ryo, and then keagan was like "who are you im busy crushing on this cool older fellow"

saetje

It's not improbable they (kaegan and yuuto) were friends first, and Kaegan just crushed real bad on the older brother, which would also make sense why it was so one-sided but they would also be hanging out (as he was probably hanging out with/chaperoning his little brother, and consequently his little brother's friends as well)(edited)

mathtans

Maybe it's something a bit more supernatural. Like, Keagan tried some sort of "forget" spell on Ryo but it backfired so much that he forgot Yuuto instead.

RebelVampire

thatd be tragic, tho would be more likely itd be yuuto doing the spell casting.

albeit to this notion of keagan and yuuto being friends, we dont really see yuuto in the flashbacks so far so its also possible something else was going on. like ryo was keagan's tutor or something

im gonna go out on a limb and suspect that keagan did not have a happy home life

and thus the attachment to ryo cause ryo was an adult who was showing him kindness

mathtans

That's a very good thought.

Interesting how in the bit of flashback we've seen, Ryo is trying to get Keagan to skate on his own, metaphor for life?

Superjustinbros

Oh yea

That would traumatize someone, seeing an adult that they once loved died

RebelVampire

oh ya know what, i wasnt even reading that scene metaphorically. good catch, math~!

metaphorically i certainly is very telling of what keagan is feeling

mathtans

Seems like even back then, before Ryo died, Keagan had issues. Tied in with your unhappy home life thing.

Superjustinbros

RebelVampire

but im just taking a stab in the dark tbf. i just feel like theres gotta be more than one-sided crush. and that ryo's death is tied up in personal demons

albeit you could be right that keagan somehow caused ryo's death

mathtans

Keagan introduced the cat, not knowing about the deadly cat allergy.

RebelVampire

has it been stated how ryo died?

mathtans

If so, I missed it.

I just offer up my crazy theories.

RebelVampire

i dont recall either so how ryo died could have a lot to do with things even if keagan didnt cause it

QUESTION 3. The entire plot of the comic is essentially based around one question: will Keagan be able to move on from Ryo? What do you think is holding Keagan back exactly? Is it fear of the future without Ryo, true love, or some sort of inner demon? Do you think Keagan is sincere when he says he has tried to move on, or do you suspect self-sabotage? Even if Keagan gets over Ryo, do you think Ryo will successfully be able to move on? How do you even think Keagan might get over Ryo? Also, what do you think Yuuto and/or Suzy’s role if any might be in helping him move forward? Finally, do you have any theories in general for future events of the comic?

mathtans

I feel like it's one of those things where after you move on, you're worried you'll forget details... which is true enough. But Keagan's got himself so tied up in it that he might forget things about himself. I don't know that it's anything external.

RebelVampire

oh ya know what, i never thought of it from that perspective. that he doesnt want to move on cause hes afraid of all the memories vanishing in the breeze

mathtans

Also, I think Keagan might have tried to move on in the past, but after it didn't work a couple times he just goes through the motions now to appease others around him.

Not just memories of Ryo, but memories of how happy he was back then. Maybe the happiest he'd ever been?

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

Then again it can be hard to move on form something

and even if you do, memories of what happened can still haunt you(edited)

RebelVampire

tbf this makes me reconsider that maybe keagan's attachment is not bred from a bad past, but a lackluster present.

Superjustinbros

That could be the case

RebelVampire

in that maybe keagan has continually had life issues that have made him cling to that happiness

like what does keagan do for a living even O_O maybe he missed out on dat dream job

mathtans

Could be a bit of both.

Maybe he's an insurance salesman.

"Please buy this life insurance... I have this whole story about how sad people will be if you die..."

RebelVampire

spirit insurance. if only yuuto had come to him sooner, yuuto couldve gotten ryo's spirit state ensured. yuuto is gonna miss out on that sweat afterlife policy money now

in regards to keagan's sincerity in trying to move on, i actually think it was subconscious self-sabotage. so in that he was doing everything he was told mentally and physically, but there was that small tiny part of his brain continually whispering how nothing would ever be right again without ryo

mathtans

Which reminds me, I wonder where Yuuto had to go to get the stone.

There probably was some self-sabotage, or at least Ryo seemed keen on calling him on that.

Maybe Yuuto was guided to find the stone by Ryo...? Wait, no, because Ryo didn't even think it would work. We're not sure what any of their day jobs are, are we?

RebelVampire

well yuuto said he was a spirit medium. albeit doesnt mean thats a career technically speaking. idk if being a spirit medium can pay these days without people staring and accusing you of being a fraud. or ya know if you get a reality tv show.

cleary the entire comic is just a tv show hoax so yuuto can become the most prolific spirit medium on tv

mathtans

A spirit medium's rare.

He seems to know what he's doing though. I wonder if Ryo sought him out for that reason, or if it's just a freebie for the family.

Superjustinbros

Now that'd be quite a twist

RebelVampire

that or ryo just had nowhere to go. i mean its like theres much to do as a ghost i imagine

cause you cant touch things or anything

or talk to anyone

you just float around and look at stuff

but considering the cover to chapter 1, i will say that its not just keagan holding ryo back. cause ryo is clearly chained to both yuuto and keagan and i dont think yuuto has quite moved on himself.

mathtans

Oh, that's an interesting point with the visual. Does the chaining work both ways, I wonder, or is it a matter of Yuuto's moved on but is still linked to Ryo out of necessity?

Ghost karaoke might be pretty neat.

Superjustinbros

Poor Ryo :<

For real tho ghost karaoke sounds metal as heck(edited)

mathtans

As far as the future of the comic goes, I figure we'll see the results of a spirit being darkened somehow, either directly or in the history books or something.

RebelVampire

oooooh

did not consider that but i hope thats the case

that we actually get to see a vengeful spirit not ryo

cause i feel like keagan is the type who goes by the mantra seeing is believing

in the sense that yuuto will tell him, keagan will be like "suuuure"

and then vengeful spirit will be seen and keagan will be like "RYO NOOOOOO"

mathtans

"You see this building?" "No." "That's because a ghost KNOCKED IT DOWN." "Ahhhh!" ^.^

Do you think Ryo can see other spirits? Like, would have an idea of what's happening to himself? Or is it not obvious internally?

RebelVampire

idk about seeing other spirits but maybe? i do think ryo has some idea about whats happening to him tho. cause i get the impression that its not so much the spirit ceases to be themselves as it is that they become engulfed in their own emotional vengence and can think of nothing else

mathtans

Ryo: "Look, the ghost of Christmas Future."

RebelVampire

but dont quote me on that, cause theres a lot to be learned about spirits

mathtans

Ooh, emotional vengence is an interesting one... do you think Ryo might hurt Keagan? (And that Keagan would just totally take it?)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Events in the comic come about solely because of the actions of the mysterious Yuuto. Do you believe Yuuto’s motivations are purely to protect his brother’s spirit, or do you think he might be up to something else? How do you think Yuuto wound up becoming a spirit medium? Was it family tradition, a career choice for Yuuto to connect with spirits (and his brother by extension), or was it happenstance? Considering it’s been 16 years, why do you think Yuuto waited so long to come to Keagan? Did Ryo’s spirit only come to Yuuto’s attention recently, or did Yuuto feel no need to take action until Ryo was becoming a vengeful spirit? Additionally, why do you think Ryo has been stable as a spirit over all those years and is only now coming undone? What consequences would there be if Ryo became a vengeful spirit at the end?

RebelVampire

if ryo became of vengful spirit then yes

cause the vengful part implies vengence

and clearly the vengence is gonna be aimed at the ppl not letting you move on

Superjustinbros

Well it's part of the name

mathtans

Could just be aimed at humans in general. Or for that matter, at spirit mediums, maybe that's part of the reason Yuuto's motivated. Doesn't want ghosts messing up his profession.

RebelVampire

could be. it actually would also depend how mindful of vengful spirit is. cause if theyre driven by pure emotion than they might not be consciously able to target their hurt and just lash out at anyone

mathtans

Also, maybe Ryo hasn't been stable as a spirit over all those years? Maybe he was more etherial, and it's only in the last year or so that he's been able to manifest himself to Yuuto.

RebelVampire

that could be

Superjustinbros

Seems like that could be the case, @mathtans

He's never been stable cause he's had someone latching onto him for years

even in death

He can never escape affection

RebelVampire

or ya know, we have no idea how long yuuto has been a medium

maybe yuuto has literally been a medium for all of 2 weeks

and just happens to be smug about it XD

mathtans

He graduated from being a small last year.

Maybe he's not even the most powerful medium in town, just the one most connected? Keagan might seek out others for more information.

I wonder if Ryo can possess people, now that he's levelling up.

saetje

That would be scary

I’m interested to know how like a corrupted ghost like ryo could/will harm those around them

mathtans

Oh! Maybe Keagan is just a prognosticator, because Ryo is going to possess Suzy, and that's why he used the name at the start.

"I have foreseen this."

Superjustinbros

Guess this is gonig further into the idea that this story's gonna get a lot more creepier

mathtans

I think it can still be lighthearted though. In fact, that makes some of the other moments (a la Release Me) all the more eye opening.

Superjustinbros

Yea

good point

RebelVampire

possession would certainly be quite dangerous. though idk how that fulfills vengence. unless the plan is to possess keagan, spend all keagan's money, and then roll out

Superjustinbros

Christ

that's cold

mathtans

"I spent it all on potato chips."

Superjustinbros

I would totally do that

RebelVampire

if im going to assume yuuto is actually also chaining ryo to the mortal plane, i actually want to assume ryo has been around for a while and yuuto himself just didnt want to do anything about it. and was like "nah its fine well get you to move on soon bro lets spend time together." and only now when ryo is going crazy is yuuto like "oops"

but this begs a question suddenly

how the heck did they even know its keagan's fault?

like is there magic ghost senses going on here?

are they just visiting everyone who knew ryo and accusing them?

Superjustinbros

All this time I was thinking "who is this ghost boy just chilling around everyone" until I noticed it's Ryo

mathtans

I suppose I just figured that Ryo would know who was tying him down/thinking of him.

Given the need to have the stone, I don't think they'd be walking around semi-randomly.

I'm also not convinced that Yuuto is tying him down. Maybe he's just acting as an anchor, like, to keep you from getting pulled way over there to the dark places, hold onto a piece of me.

Superjustinbros

I can see that

mathtans

Though it could have morphed into something else over all this time.

Maybe even something neither of them see.

What with both of them wearing glasses.

Superjustinbros

Lol

mathtans

Actually, any comments on art style? I'm very bad for really noticing that stuff. Nice shading though?

Superjustinbros

It's got some good shading, I'll say.

Backgrounds aren't super detailed but that's alright since they're not the focus

https://tapas.io/episode/1089748 Though some of the more trippy ones like these are cool

mathtans

Spirit craziness.

Superjustinbros

Playing with spirits is some really trippy stuff

"What kind of drugs are you taking"

mathtans

That androgynous look that sae brought up is a good point too; I can see it, but Yuuto still comes across as male (and in the genderbend art for q&a as female).

RebelVampire

visually i think the comic stands out most when the tone shifts to the creepy. cause thats when the effects really are A+ and just capture that nice unsettling feel

Superjustinbros

Exactly

saetje

I think the art is pretty good! Artist has a good eye for anatomy, I appreciate the character designs.

I agree the art style is neat when it gets creepy

Superjustinbros

Anatomy especially

Plus the creepy stuff is out of place that it can surprise the viewer when comparing it to the comic's normal art

saetje

Yeah, they vary their body types and really understand anatomy! Very solid character construction

Superjustinbros

Indeed

saetje

Ohh yeah good point Superjustinbros

It sort of gives this vibe of duality

Superjustinbros

Indeed

Like you got a normal world

and a creepy spiritual one

like dimensional rifts between two universes that don 't belong

saetje

Yeah!

mathtans

I liked seeing how some of the character designs shifted in the behind the scenes stuff.

As for my usual shipping thoughts.... hmmm... Suzy and Yuuto? He did feel bad for her. ^.-

saetje

He also seemed to check her out walking up the stairs

RebelVampire

i do hope suzy has a role in this because at the very least i hope she gets her underwear back XD

saetje

Ha! Also bras are expensive so, yeah, definitely.

mathtans

Oh, right! That little whistle.

Superjustinbros

Gotta go for that underwear! XD

saetje

She needs those back

Superjustinbros

Definitely

mathtans

It's interesting that Yuuto has an earring which is an inverted cross too, I think.

Superjustinbros

Well this is the last minute, so I'd like to say good luck to charuchii on continuing the comic.

mathtans

I'm all for more Suzy partly to see if she has some girl friends she talks to as well. Normal people.

Superjustinbros

It was fun chatting~

mathtans

It's a very interesting premise!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Charu, as well, for making MORBIDITY. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Charu’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY

Charu’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/charuchii

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Gemini Journey by Tracy MacLauchlan & Yesenia Carrero. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, September 13th, from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: http://geminijourney.com/

Comic’s LINE Webtoon Mirror: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/gemini-journey/list?title_no=111693

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indiecomics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic book club #comic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #morbidity #charu

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jo5huaray · 6 years

Text

can i express how i feel today?

why is that everytime someone wants something good in their life.....there has to be something or someone to ruin it? yin and yang? good and bad? without one, you can have the other? makes sense. has too. and if it doesnt, does that make you blind to reality? you living in your own reality where things are make believe? dreamland? how could someone live there knowing that isnt the reality that we live in? would that consume you mentally? and if it didn't, would you actually be living your life? yolo? i mean you would have to actually dream it and make it reality but you necessarily couldnt because you would dwell to much on that reality of yours and get lost in the idea of actually making it. so i guess in terms, you have to know when to leave your box, and expand without losing the fire. hmmm.....you think some people actually think, "my life is actually amazing" when in reality its not. i mean that could be their reality or idea of what life being good is.....just because its different from your idea of a good life doesnt make it any less dumb or not "good" enough. but where im going with this is, can people actually go through life things about what they can be doing instead of what they are actually doing? i mean you have to get to a certain point where you see someone actually try to progress and be like "hey you are doing it!!" or "fucking told you so" and find humor in someone elses bad luck.....but im a strong believer that people go through life not trying to succeed and love to stay in their shell and cry wolf when no one has time for them or can make time. its like are we suppose to wait for you to decide when its time to change. katt williams said it ffucking right when he said it," cant be fucking with people doing the same shit every year" "them people are the unhealthy people that will drag you down" " if you gotta succeed alone then so be it, at least you arent being held back by those who call you their friends"

guess you can say im not in the best mood atm, pretty down, wouldnt say depressed. my kids are happy. and healthy. shit to healthy i think. i do miss them. rather be with them at this very moment instead of this place or surrounding. but things and people are stopping me from that currently. im the type of person who cant get anger constantly.....i have 3 modes. anger and im attacking. anger and i cry because it did it to myself. or happy and burying what i have bury to no get emotional. you dont know how many people have told me you do this to yourself joshua.....like a fucking record thats skipping. and i finally realize the reason i keep making immature mistakes. i cant hate....truly hate someone if they were to mess with my babies. and my dog. and my computer lol. but truly hate someone who done me wrong? i mean my dad use to beat the shit out of me. my mom as well.....mostly females who loved the idea of being with me or wanted to be with me. i cant truly hate none of them....so i guess you can say i relaspe until i figure a soultion inbetween hating them and being their slave. relaspe like a user and my drug is female......well the idea of being in love like they would see me. my idea of being in love and being able to love someone excites me. but it cant be just anyone....definitely cant be anyone. and i tend to jump from one to another because that fizz isnt there anymore. the cheating. the lying......i have yet to have someone constantly keep my entertained like i would think they would want too. i mean the concept of,"if you dont do it someone else will" and most people nowadays settle for it keep the hope alive. that idea of being loved and loving alive.....but why? should the couple understand that concept because how more real can it get? i mean if you dont buy flowers for her someone else will. if you dont make him dinner someone else will. if you dont tell her you love her like people need air and show her, someone definitely will come along and tell her and that and actually mean it. if you dont fucking him or keep him satifisted, you know damn well someone will be waiting for that text saying, "hey wyd" and you dont believe that....its ok eventually you will have to figure it out or be stuck in a constant loop for immature relationship or immature adults who act like big ol babies

i honestly feel like crying my eyes out. or leaving and crying in my truck....what good will that do me? probably make my eyes look like shit and hurt, thus not worth it. even though i know its not worth it, i still feel the sense of sadness growing inside of me. like a sickness you werent prepared for. no medicine can help you and only you can help yourself. but yeah that brings it back to me not being able to truly hate someone. what will hating them get me? make me feel better? temporary? sure maybe but would it be worth it to bring someone down with my lashing of constant bombardement of hateful words and degrading comments? yeah definitely bring their asses to the reality they may not be seeing or what they caused me to do. reaction to their action? not the best choice thats why i choose not to be a hateful person. even though i know some would say go for it. use it to make yourself beat this sickness they call sadness........they been telling me that since day 1 and you think i choose to do it yet? lol i just cant. the cheaters, liars, the "its you and not me", the "i love you but not in love with you" yeah i cant. idk hate me cause i cant stand up and do it. i just dont feel the need to do it. and thats the main reason i slip....relaspe back to the idea of actually being loved by these so called girls.....i cant call you women because you havent shown me enough to actually be a woman. but im not innocent bystander. ive done it all and im not proud it either but i can dwell on it as i do it because why sit here and love someone who isnt texting you or talking to you or attempting to be with you and expect you to sit here waiting with you bent over like you ready about to get fucked? lol literally majority of people want you to wait on them if you are their friend or if you love them....like what shit you smoking.....waiting on hand and foot yet you give me a pinky of time and attention? thats not being mean nor hateful in my opinion. thats just common sense....shit i would expect that if i wasnt fucking or loving a girl i was interested in. thats why i never text first... if im important or whatever ( with certain exceptions of course! lol hey grey areas) then you would make time for me....best believe if you text me or call me, and i find you highly attractive or actually like you, you wont just get one text or two....maybe like a series of questions or a poem lol lol or something to bring you closer mentally and physcially lol but thats just it. you cant race to win and stop racing......keep it pushin! never stop. yeah its alot of work but wtf you think we are here for? to obtain this lifes best by simply hopefully for it to happen? yeah some are fortunated the others but then mostly 99% of people arent that fortunate that others....the bottom, down in the slumps where you either sit there and regret it your entire life you never actually bust the ass to obtain your "reality".

the idea of being love by those who i know cant love me truly like i want to be love consumes me entirely where i forget about the life im living in itself. the life i picture for myself ( and yes my kids as well for those of you who acutally thought i wouldnt picture a life without my bootoo, hot ness, and Jilee) that life i picture does come with someone who actually loves me like ive always preached. i always swapped between one or the other because of negatives or defaults that may have had....or push them away on purpose so i wouldnt have to be the bad guy, and in reality, my reality, i wanted them to be like the previous one. or the next one so jumping from one to another, hoping they would take from the last to be better than the last is only a fragment of my imagnation playing tricks on me. lying to myself to make my reality seem livable with in reality, its not. thus the cycle begins and repeats....jump to this one....oh you wanna be loved forever and be happy.....but cant keep me focused on us. then the next one, oh you always had bad boyfriends and just want someone to understand you, but yet you dont take the time to actually understand who i am or what we actually have to be a couple.....these days people say, "50/50" and yet i laugh my ass off cause these ignorant fools dont understand that it has to be 100/100. hell you can even say 150/150 if you want. if you are those type of highly expectation folks......why would anyone want 50% of what someone has to offer? tell me how that math even makes fucking sense.....tell me how someone is suppose to stay in a relationship or be with someone who they give more than the other? cant do that math because its impossible. actually not impossible, possible just fucking retarded lmao. whoever decides that is only harming themselves and the other person. so lets do that math now 50/50....breaks even with 50 cross the board. so she gets 50 and you get 50. not the full 100...so would would anyone want that?.....meaning you both get nothing in the end with that analogy. 100/50? left with 50.....and ill let you be the guess on whose left with the 50%.....cause if you guessed the person only giving half...you seriously need to go back to 3rd grade and learn the basic fundenmentals of math lmao....ok 100/100? you get her all and she gets your all....that works. definitely can see that working. would have to second guess your love or hers. probably would have time to even think about whats wrong or what could go wrong because you would be in the reality you just fucking made? and the funny part, she would be right there with you!!! lmao making sense now? the 150/150 is for those selected few who are over acheivers and know how to actually give 150% of who they are. think about it.....how could someone give 150% of themselves to another? and no not tissue or blood you fucks.

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

The Great Dying: Happiness Comes on Day Five

My family has come to Hawaii.

Hawaii, like an aging model, is still gorgeousjust sometimes in a fragile, wasted way.

My parents were here a long time ago; they came on their honeymoon, back in the Old World times. They bought a hotel-and-airfare package to Honolulu. They went scuba diving in the coral reefs and touched real rays and even one dolphin, they said.

Of course thats not an option anymore, but you can snorkel all you like in fiberglass reefs stocked with colorful farmed parrotfish and now and then a robot shark.

I love the parrotfishs bulgy, fat lips.

Lydia Millet

About

Lydia Millet is an American novelist and conservationist. Her third novel, My Happy Life, won the 2003 PEN Center USA Award for fiction, and she has been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize as well as a Guggenheim fellow. Her newest novel for young readers, The Bodies of the Ancients, comes out in January. The Great Dying is adapted from her YA book Pills and Starships, published by Akashic.

Back then, they ate at restaurants with views of sparkling aqua-blue bays; they went to luaus and drank fancy drinks with paper umbrellas. (We still have those; some of them have my parents names printed on them, from a honeymoon party that was held for them. robert & sara, says the faded writing, hawaii, may 2068.) They took small trips to the other islands, even the one that used to be a leper colony.

These days Honolulu and most of Oahu are seawall and salty aquifers and long, long blocks of abandoned buildings.

But they wanted Hawaii anyway. They were nostalgic. So this time we came to the Big Island, where were staying in a hotel with a view of Mauna Kea. Ive seen pictures of it from way back when, white at the top and majestic. Theres never snow anymore, even at 14,000 feet, but the volcano still looms.

Its just the four of us: my mother and my father, my little brother, and me. Its the four of us here for our last week.

A week is the period the companies usually suggest, once you finalize dates. Any longer and customers can get morbid, or even, if they decide to refuse their pharma, hysterical. And then the whole thing collapses. Any shorter and theres not enough time for good-byes.

My parents arent even that old. My mother had me in her late sixties, and two years later she had Samand though theyre vigorous and healthy on a physical level, on an emotional level theyve decided theyre done.

This would be harder without the training we did at home, without the pharma regimen they have us on. Even with those tools its still intense and vibrant, and everything seems inflected with meaning. Cursed with meaning, almost. Meaning attaches itself to everyday objectstoothbrushes, swimsuits, dangly earrings. Here in the hotel suite, I look at these normal items and everything seems like it portends something.

We just got here and already were on the brink of tears at times, or at least my mother and I are. My father and Sam are trying to act stoic, though now and then I catch one of their hands or a bottom lip trembling.

Meanwhile the edges of objects glow, blur, and fade as I look at them. They all seem permeable or aliveas though the aliveness of objects is there to compensate for my parents being ready to die.

I dont think its the pharma thats doing it, either. Sam and I arent even on a full pill regimen yet. On Day Four well have the option of a powerful tranquilizing blend: Thats Good-Bye Day. They like the contract holders to have their memories intact to say good-bye, because the fifth days pharmathe last pharmacauses forgetfulness. It brings on a long-term memory loss that wipes all memories associated with trauma, so they go out happy.

Happiness comes on Day Five.

Its early afternoon. My parents and my brother have gone out for a walk, and from the balcony of our suite I can see them strolling, their light clothes flapping in the breeze off the ocean, on a trail along the high jagged bluffs.

They carry umbrellas that protect them from the sun but also hide their faces from me. They could be anyone.

The bluffs were well engineered and have been planted to look wild, in a fake way. There are scrubby bushes from the desert, South American cacti and Chinese beach roses (according to the brochure) and even, now and then, dune grasses and sand. They hide the concrete seawall beneath the artificial bluffs so that you dont have to remember where you are or whenso you can almost forget youre not in Old Hawaii. Forget, in other words, that youre living at the tiny tail end of the fire-breathing dragon of our history.

The company my parents chose is a midsize outfit that likes to boast how it hires locals. So our rep, when it came down to it, was a lady my mother had once played golf with.

My mother isnt the golf type at all, by the way. She barely knows how to play, but one time she competed in a small-golf game for charityits mostly small golf these days, unless you have huge money to throw away on travel to one of the big courses, plus water-use finesand because she had a good sense of humor, at least till recently, she was basically the comic relief, I think.

But that one day was when she first met the rep, Jean.

Jean showed up at our apartment a couple of months ago, in the hour before dinnertime when we usually hang out together and talk about our day and stuff. The four of us were drinking cocktails in the living room. Being 15, Sam doesnt drink that much yet, but my mother had offered him a junior can of wheat beer.

And there she was at the doora compact, middle-aged woman from the 10th floor, frosted hair, braided wedge heels. Id seen her in the elevator once or twice.

This is Jean, said my mother softly. Jean, these are our children, Nat and Sam.

My name is Natalie, but I go by Nat.

The woman smiled and sat down and looked at us with a gentle but still oddly businesslike expression.

Your parents thought it might be good to have me here is how she started in.

Sam looked up right away. Hed been reading off his device.

Youre service, he said flatly.

I do work with a service company, said Jean.

She didnt miss a beat and didnt seem awkward; she had a forthright attitude without being domineering.

Youre the counselor, or whatever they call them, said Sam.

Im coordinating the personal aspect of outreach, conceded Jean.

On the contract we purchased recently, put in my mother, soft-voiced. Mine and your fathers.

Sam picked up his beer and drank most of the rest of it, a flush rising on his skin.

I had been sitting at the bay window, looking out over the garden. Our apartment complex was nice, with trees and water features and little striped chipmunks, because chipmunks always poll higher than squirrels.

Anyway, I liked to drink and take in the view.

But then, without really noticing my own movement, I turned so I was facing the room, my back against the view of the trees. In the pit of my stomach was a heavy new stone. At the same time my arms and legs felt light and liquid, like the bones in them had softened.

Why didnt you tell me? was the thing I said.

Were telling you now, sweetheart, said my mother, coming to sit beside me on the ledge. She put one arm around my shoulders. Its all according to schedule. The timing is what they recommend.

They encourage the parents not to get emotive when theyre disclosing. It only makes things worse. So my mother sat there next to me, her arm on my shoulders light, keeping a kind of professional attitude. With her free hand, she shook the cubes in her glass and raised it to drink.

My father stood facing us all with his tumbler of whiskey. His face bore a kind, bemused expression, as it used to when Sam or I would cry and he had no idea how to stop it.

You can still take it back, said Sam, with a kind of hurt urgency. Please, MomDad! Take it back!

Honey, said my mother, we dont want to. Or maybe a better way to say it is that we weve lived for you two ever since the tipping point, sweetheart. Youve been whats kept us going.

The tipping point was when we couldnt do anything more to stop the planets runaway warming. There were feedback loops in the climate system, like the albedo effect and water vapor increase in the atmosphere and plankton die-off in the oceans. So even though wed stopped emitting so much carbon and methane, we couldnt stop the seas or the temperature from rising. At least for a few centuries.

Both of you are practically grown up, said my mother. And when it comes right down to it, you dont really need usnot in the day-to-day sense. You think you do, maybe. But we know deep down that you can take care of yourselves. And you will.

You cant say what were feeling, said Sam, shaking his head. Only what you are.

It helps, for peace of mind, said Jean to Sam, if you keep argumentation for later. During this encounter, this time of disclosure, weve found that what allows for peacefulness is just listening.

Fuck listening! said Sam.

He was bright redlike someone had dealt him two slaps, one on each cheek.

And really, went on Jean calmly, as though he hadnt said anything, theres no rush here. Theres plenty of time. Remember, all contracts are voidable right up until the end. So theres absolutely nothing to make you nervous.

She didnt mention what we all knew: that theres a stiff financial penalty for last-minute cancellations. She didnt need to. My parents knew a couple whod canceled just five hours before their contract was about to start, but at that point it cost like 90 percent of the full price. And they ended up buying a new contract a couple of months later. That meant less money for the survivorsa tainted legacy.

But youre doing so well, begged Sam, turning to my mother.

I felt frozen.

Youre doing really well, youve got your moods well stabilized lately, he added.

No, yeah, son, said my father. Well were not too bad off. Were not personally complaining. We feel so lucky, compared to lots of people. No question. And you knowits not any one big thing. You know? Its not a dramatic situation, theres no particular, exact catalyst here. But we feel like, for one, heywhy not quit while were still ahead? You know, leave while weve got our health. And theres still no impairment. We all saw how Mamie got after she passed 100.

Youll be all right. You have such great resilience, added my mother. Wewe think youre very strong.

Oh please, said Sam.

Try to see it from our point of view, my father said. When we were young, there were still big animals swimming all over the oceans. The rivers and the forests had all this life in them, not just the squirrels and pigeons. You could go anywhere in the worldwe drove a gas-burning car when we were young. We flew on huge airplanes. Whenever we wanted to!

My parents keep thinking, somehow, that one day well hear about how different the world used to be and for the first time well understand them.

But isnt the world always different for the kids than it was for the parents? Sure, maybe its more different now. We get it.

But this is the only world we ever knew.

For Old World people like us, you know, said my mother, weve had as much as we can take of seeing everything go away. And we dont think we can bear towhat happens if, if it keeps going how we think it will.

Of course, we hope and pray it wont, said my father staunchly, tossing back the last of his whiskey. We figure, go early, while everythingswhile theres still hope. You know.

But I knew what he wasnt saying: They couldnt stand to see our future. They couldnt stand to watch us struggle.

Its never an easy decision, put in Jean.

Not helpful, I thought.

But then, the companies put the counselors in the room partly to deflect the family members feelings. Or fears and tears, as they say.

Your mother is so tired, Sam, said my father. He was fiddling with a pile of black and green olives on a tray. The olives were stacked in a pyramid, like in a picture Id once seen of ancient cannonballs. They should have been a tipoff that this was a special occasion, so to speak, because olives arent the kind of food we get every day. We both are, if Im perfectly honest, he added.

We sat there for a while, not knowing what to say.

Eventually Jean suggested we take a walk outside, through the courtyards of the complex. Walks are popular with service companies. Low-cost momentum, I guess, and a natural mood boost.

So we prepared ourselves fresh drinks, mostly in awkward silence, and took them with us into the elevator. We gazed outside as the car descended.

The elevators in our complex are external and made of a shaded glass, so you can see the sky and then the buildings below it, and as you drop, the trees in the courtyard come up to meet you.

Down through the green canopy, down along the tree trunks. Finally we landed facing the rock gardens, the fountains and splashing waterfalls of perfectly reclaimed sewage.

What a nice evening, said my mother, and we looked up dutifully at the fading bands of red and yellow in the western sky.

One thing we do have, in the New World, is beautiful sunsets.

I think what put my parents over the edge was a trip they took a few months ago, a light-rail weekender to the place where my father grew up. It wasnt a coastal town in the strict senseit wasnt right on the beachbut it was on a river delta, maybe 20 miles from where the true coast used to be. When the first storm surges came that couldnt be stopped by seawalls, the town got an influx of coastal refugees. Wave after wave followed, though most of the people didnt stay. Back then they were migrating to places like Ogallala, with fertile land or thick forests. If you look at an old map animation, you can see the masses moving away from the coasts, inward and upward from New York and Florida, from Southern California and the dying cities of the desertLas Vegas and Phoenix, say. The animations look like storms or vast, sky-darkening flocks of birds.

Sometimes, at home, I take a mild mood softener, sit at my screen, and gaze at the animations dreamily. You can customize them to show whatever details you wantthe continent shrinking as the oceans rise plus the massive migrations. I also like to watch the building of the seawalls. You see the swamping of Cape Cod, the swallowing up of the Florida Keys. Islands all over the oceans contract to the size of pinheads, then vanish. You can zoom way out and watch the planet rotate, see the surges of ocean that followed the melting of the ice.

Theres something lovely about it, lovely like Eno or Mozart, thoughespecially without pharmait can be sad.

Anyway, my fathers hometown had been leveled by the waves of refugee camps. Nothing was left of the houses and gardens of his leafy street, the school he walked to holding his younger brothers hand, the swing sets and climbing gyms at the park where he played. All that was gonethe whole town had turned to tent cities and landfills and fields of composting toilets.

My dads baby brother died a while back, a do-it-yourself deal. He hated the service companies. So other than us, my dad has no family left.

For a while after that weekend trip, he and my mother were so quiet that sometimes we forgot they were there.

Before we left for Hawaii, my parents helped Sam and me move to a group facility for survivors who arent old enough to live alone. The two of us will go back there after the trip, to live for a few months till I turn 18.

Then, the morning we left, Sam and I picked them up to catch the boat that brought us here. That was the worst. The apartment where we had lived was bare. Their luggage stood in a neat row against the wall, small cases packed with only bedrolls, some toiletries, and a few clothes. It was a shock to see the sterile whiteness of what used to be home.

Well, said my mother, turning back to cast a glance at the empty living room as we were filing out the front door, good-bye, everything.

Sams coming up the path again toward the hotel building, so close hes almost beneath meI see the circle of his shiny white umbrella. My parents arent with him. I squint: I can still see the two of them, out at the edge of the cliff.

The oceans turning anoxic, scientists say. Its what happened 250 million years ago in the Great Dying, otherwise known as the P-T extinction eventthe biggest mass die-off in Earths history. And now its happening again. The seawaters turned more acid from the carbon its storing, so the ocean food chain has mostly collapsed. Big burps of methane are bubbling out of the water along the continental shelves.

Where there used to be corals and whales and sea lions and seahorses, now theres mostly bacteria and archaea and viruses. The odd school of mutated jellyfish. Plus the garbage vortex and the chemical streams.

But still, Mom and Dad stand at the edge of the bluff, their arms around each others waists, and look out over the faraway waves like anything could be therelike those waves might still be the glittering roof of a marvelous underwater country.

The Fiction Issue

Tales From an Uncertain Future

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/14/the-great-dying-happiness-comes-on-day-five/

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