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nmakii · 1 month

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you're so damn talented! seriously! i devoured the entire thing in one sitting. how ??? i have a major thing for manipulation ( its definitely not healthy save me ) and the plot is beyond words. Yandere Alastor is MADE for this masterpiece. can i ask how did you become so good at writing? i've always wanted to be a writer but can never seem to get it right. sorry if there any mistakes english isn't my first language so..........

-i

OMFG 😣😣💞💞 ILYSM!!! tbh i dont have a particular reason why i got to where i am rn. it’s mostly just years of writing, but i think there are a few reasons so ill list them here

1. english lessons

i have an english class at my school that helps me improve my grammar, and also does literary analyses on books like macbeth and the great gatsby. we also write essays often so, that also helped my ability to comprehend myself on paper properly.

2. books

IM A BOOK NERD 😋😋 i love the writing styles of authors like dazai osamu, agatha christie, and fyodor dostoevsky. as well as the poetry of nakahara and yosano (BSD NERD IM SORRY). i went through a phase where i tried to embody the writing styles of dazai and dostevsky since they were very comprehensive in their characterizations and they gave many moral dilemmas that are common in stories (which gave me TONS of inspiration). but, i also like to read the stories of ranpo edogawa and agatha christie for their plots, since no good story is not without a plot twist and their murder mysteries are really fun :p

3. visual novels

if books arent your thing, i also played tons of visual novels which helped me to learn how to describe objects since there are many limitations to these types of games :p

i recommend games like doki doki literature club, your turn to die, and danganronpa!

4. anecdotes

most of my stories are acc stories from my life! if not, then they have some aspect of reality. my lipstick fic was actually from a time i was in math class and i was testing if my lip gloss was smudge proof by kissing my friend on her hand (it smudged 🙁). getting stories from your real life helps to make the plot more dynamic, especially if you’re quoting real people 😋

if not, you can try to make it real (if youre weird like me). i have a request rn for kokichi with a reader who basically follows him around like a puppy, so i did this with my friend since shes a close match for kokichi, and i followed her around everywhere to see what her reactions were (she didnt have any bc we follow each other everywhere 😣)

and, if you’re having a hard time with characterization, this works as well!! i like to find a part of myself that is similar to the character and work off of that. for example, im writing a little niffty fic and both her and i are really psycho when it comes to cleaning, so i’m using my past experiences as a basis for that story and my friends’ reaction as a placeholder for reader :p

5. confidence!!

i tried cooperating with other people on fics, but it never really worked cuz i like to butt heads 😋. beta reading doesn’t really work for me either because everyone has their own taste when it comes to writing and you can’t please everybody. so, i only really reread my stories to check for grammatical errors, since i’m pretty pleased with my plots. people will always have something to criticize when it comes to your work, so it doesn’t really matter. plus, this is the internet. if a fic flops, it flops! if you think that your story is good, then upload it! someone is bound to like it 😋😋

#maki.talks #writing tips #writing #hazbin hotel x reader

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andypantsx3 · 2 years

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hello!!! tysm for the fic advice, it really really helped!! im in the process of tryna fix up my blog layout and such, may i ask what your first fic was? or what was your first published work and how was it? the feedback, how'd u feel & stuff? i have multiple fics/ideas written down already and i just fr need to post them atp 😭

IM SO SORRY IF THIS FEELS LIKE AN INTERVIEW!! i promise i don't wanna intrude, and you definitely don't need to answer at all!!

Not at all, I’m happy to answer!!

The first thing I ever posted was my fic savvy, which is an aged-up fic about a reader in the UA business course trying to wrangle Bakugou into cooperating on a senior project, and falling in love along the way lol. I only had an ao3 for maybe the first 6 months of my fanfic writing career, so I think at least my first 7 fics were published there exclusively, before I eventually backfllled them here when I finally made a tumblr.

I can say that on ao3, everyone was very kind to me. I would get like one to two very nice comments and a handful of kudos per chapter at the beginning. It's so addicting, realizing people like your work, even if I knew it was unpolished. I would save people's comments in my inbox and read them over and over throughout the day (still do lol. If you're nice to me, I will hold onto your words literally forever). I cannot even properly describe how heady the feeling of appreciation from other people is. It really stays with you forever and ever, and makes you want to grow and learn and be better and keep delivering for those people who were kind to you.

I really like the variety of comments people give on ao3--they range from compliments, to theories about the next chapter, to personal anecdotes about aspects of the chapter, to pages-long analysis of your writing, to strings of emojis, to clarification questions, to well-wishes for your health and safety. It always makes it fun to log back onto ao3 and not be able to anticipate what kind of conversation people will be having with you.

The "negative" experiences I've had on ao3 were mostly invited by my own errors--writing my fic cover shot which is kind of exclusive of readers with darker skin tones, which I was rightly called out for failing to note. And also failing to properly note threats of violence in the first chapter of my fic statistically significant, and accidentally triggering one of my readers, which I still think about and deeply regret to this day.

I also asked for constructive feedback, which I might actually advise against for the first little bit that you are writing. Actually almost none of the concrit that I have received has been actual concrit.

In general, concrit is supposed to recognize the goal of your writing and help you achieve it. But most of the concrit that I have received has been people suggesting their own plotlines and character interpretations, and sometimes that has been phrased as, "Bakugou would never do [X thing you made him do]" or "I don't like that you made them say I love you to each other after just a couple months of knowing each other"--because while I'm sure those comments come from a place of wanting to be helpful, they're super subjective, and don't actually help me write the fic I want to write. And also they can make you feel like an idiot who doesn't understand characters or love or life as well as the next person might.

In general, though, people were very lovely and said that they thought my first few fics were good for first works, and that gave me the encouragement to keep writing!!

I don't know what it might have been like to post my works on tumblr at the same time too, although people have been generally very nice on tumblr as well. I really enjoy the community aspect of tumblr beyond anything, the opportunity to follow and get to know the sorts of people who read my fics!!

I think the one thing that you have to be prepared for when you post on tumblr is salty anons. While asking for no concrit on ao3 should be enough to ward off any more "negative" feedback, I've found tumblr to be just a liiiiiittle bit more hostile in recent months. I think this year especially, people are meaner than ever on the internet lol. I've answered 3 or 4 mean anons publicly in the last 8 months alone, but there are several more I've just chosen to block and delete.

There is almost no way for you to anticipate what kind of thing you will write or say that will upset someone on here, so if I had any advice for you (or past me) it's that you have to anticipate some bad with the good. Tumblr is just a different audience and a different kind of social media where you're judged a little bit more as a person than a writer. But know that the good is totally worth the bad!! The opportunity to really get to know people and make friends on here is the absolute best thing about the fandom.

Anyway I hope this helps and I hope this didn't scare you off!! Being a fic author has been the absolute best thing these past couple years and I totally want you to have the same experience too!!

#ask andie #andie.personal

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aro-culture-is · 3 years

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im pretty young. im like at the early end of teenager. and i really relate to aro and ace experiences and definitions. currently i don't use any label, mostly out of fear, but ill get to that later. and i know labels aren't necessary or needed, but ive always loved them. ive tried convincing myself im attracted to men, women, nonbinary people, but none of it is really true and no other labels fit me at all. normally, id just identity as aro and just change my label if i ever want to, but for some reason im like really scared about being wrong??? or really scared of the possibility of feeling attraction??? i should add that ive already decided that i don't want to use the ace label yet, because i know lots of people my age don't experience sexual attraction. but i really do feel like im aromantic. again, im just terrified at the idea of getting older and realising i do feel attraction. im scared of the possibility of sex or romance/sexual or romantic attraction, AND im scared of being wrong about my label. to the point where id rather stay labelless, despite how much i dislike that. not really pertaining to the other stuff, but to describe my relationship with romance, i love romance when it's not directed at me, and i think relationships are very beautiful, but the thought of having one myself is pretty much disgusting. i just want to know if anyone else feels that, or maybe i want some advice, or just someone to vent to. either way, thank you so much!

hi! i’ll do my best to respond.

ive tried convincing myself im attracted to men, women, nonbinary people, but none of it is really true and no other labels fit me at all.

hey that’s a mood! before I learned about aromanticism I like... knew that i was aro but didn’t know that was “allowed” so i just kept trying to figure out “which” groups of genders I must be attracted to.

normally, id just identity as aro and just change my label if i ever want to, but for some reason im like really scared about being wrong??? or really scared of the possibility of feeling attraction???

it’s hard for me to give an answer here, so to speak... but I suppose i’d have to wonder if you’re scared of being wrong because you’re young and feel like there’s a chance you could still develop attraction? regardless, a personal anecdote: I identified as aroace starting around the age of 13-14ish. I still identify as aro now, and I identified as ace until I was on the young end of 19. I don’t honestly get the whole being wrong narrative in my case. I was ace; I am not any longer. It’s okay to identify as who you are right now and I don’t think that’s wrong, especially speaking as a genderfluid individual. This is my perspective, of course, but I hope that it provides some comfort.

i should add that ive already decided that i don't want to use the ace label yet, because i know lots of people my age don't experience sexual attraction. but i really do feel like im aromantic.

that sounds totally fine to me! you never have to use a label that you don’t want to.

again, im just terrified at the idea of getting older and realising i do feel attraction. im scared of the possibility of sex or romance/sexual or romantic attraction, AND im scared of being wrong about my label. to the point where id rather stay labelless, despite how much i dislike that.

another thought on this - you can privately identify a certain way. you don’t have to say these labels to others, if that helps you feel less afraid/unhappy with your label status. from what i’ve heard from others, developing attraction can be confusing and at times distressing, but it is okay. I can’t offer much, but I do think, that no matter how things end up, everything will be okay. there will always be people with similar experiences, even if some details are different.

not really pertaining to the other stuff, but to describe my relationship with romance, i love romance when it's not directed at me, and i think relationships are very beautiful, but the thought of having one myself is pretty much disgusting. i just want to know if anyone else feels that, or maybe i want some advice, or just someone to vent to. either way, thank you so much!

yeah, that sounds totally normal for aros to me!

in summary: however you choose to label yourself or not, that’s okay. you can take your time. but know that there is no shame in your labels and identify changing, and that it doesn’t have to mean being wrong. and even if you do decide that you were wrong, that’s okay - it happens! We’re complicated creatures, and we’re doing our best. Everything will be okay. There is no rush - you will always be learning more things about yourself, and so will everyone else.

disclaimer under readmore:

Hi, I'm an internet stranger. I am one person. I will speak from my personal perspective. I happen to be more visible in the aro community than some, and this puts me in a unique position where I am asked many types of questions. I will do my best, but I am not representative of all aromantic people, or even my specific identities of non-sam or loveless. Sometimes, I might say something and later disagree with that stance. Treat me as the unqualified stranger I am.

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #advice #am i aro #also anon if i could give you a hug and you would like one i would #Anonymous

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enbypanposi · 3 years

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would you consider a mixed origin system who is mostly traumagenic an endo? im genuinely asking bc i don't wanna overstep any boundaries, im asking because some of my system members are due to spiritual reasons that aren't tulpamancy, but almost all my system members are formed due to trauma

FTR this is coming from what ive seen systems say but rn i dont have the spoons to find links and stuff. I dont think it would be appropriate for me to judge you and tell you what you are, especially not based on a single anonymous ask. However, from what i have read, most systems are ‘mixed origin’ and its not so much an endogenic thing as it is a system thing (ive seen this also in my own personal experiences with a person i knew who had OSDD, but that is of course both anecdotal and limited). Ultimately I trust systems (ie, you) to determine yourselves--if you are not an endo and dont support endos you are welcome here.

#modtalks #mod egg #ask #asks #endo tw #sorry this isnt a straight answer but its not for me to determine yk?#if youre comfortable being here and dont consider yourself one thats fine i think #Anonymous

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lgbt-moonboards-aesthetics · 4 years

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14th June - Pride Month Post (by Corin)

Hi everyone, this is admin. Corin! My pronouns are they/them/theirs, I'm bisexual and nonbinary. I am also intersex, though I don't use this label as often, mostly because of how recent it is that I've come to accept this due to the lack of information on conditions which fall under the intersex umbrella.

I think I'll touch on two lil anecdotes in this post --

I've been both pretty lucky and pretty unlucky in terms of coming out, although I think I'd still consider myself luckier than most.

Growing up in a very Christian family, the internalised biphobia was DEEP, though it mostly came in the form of denial. I was pretty much your typical homophobe until S2 (year 2 of secondary school on scotland/ typically around 12-14 y/o). There was an incident where one of my friends sent me a gay meme about jesus and I went off at them for it. I almost lost them as a friend. Eventually, being a non confrontational person, I apologised. At the time, i dont think i meant it, i was just desperate to not lose them as a friend. And then, that same year, she came out as bi. I went to an all girls school at the time, and I think our year was uncommonly out about it because suddenly at least a third of the year were saying they were bisexual. We made gay jokes during class and in the corridors. There were still bigots, but they weren't very loud. We were louder.

Funnily enough, my long denial phase ended after seeing Age of Ultron in the cinema with that same bi friend I'd had the fight with. Honestly, I think I still have a crush on Wanda from AOU.

It took me a lot longer to figure out I was nonbinary. For a long time, I wasnt aware of the word. I just have this vivid memory of lil me sitting in front of the mirror repeating "I am a girl" over and over again and hoping that it might stick, so I never really had an attachment to being one. I guess it kind of makes it awkward that I went to an all girls school now, and honestly I've kind of put this acknowledgement in a box for later.

ANYWAY, I think in the end, what made me realise, after asking google and various tumblrs a load of questions, that I am nonbinary was simply the fact that *I dont feel like a girl*, and I want to be nonbinary more than I want to be a girl. It seems kinda straightforward, but gender is weird and no experience is the same so it's hard to ask someone "how did you know?" and then apply their answer to yourself.

I finished just my first year of uni, and I'm living as out as I can. Luckily, scotland is one of the more lgbtq+ progressive countries, so my name is Corin on school records, and all my uni friends know me as Corin too. Though it's one of the smaller scottish unis in terms of population, and we're in a small town, the lgbtq+ community there is visible. There are trans people there, there are nonbinary people there, and those who are visibly queer.

I'm still not out to my parents, I'd like to think I will be one day but i dont know.

What im trying to say here is that queer people are there. There are more of us than you might think. Ive been incredibly lucky with being in environments where I knew I wasnt alone, but if you aren't and you can't see anyone, even when you can't see others in the community we're still there. Prioritize your safety, but also remember-- just wait. You'll find a space eventually where you can be authentic to yourself. You can even create a space, if you're lucky, even if it's online, or just one person.

And if you are in a position where it is safe and stable for you to be heard, be loud. Yes, it isnt your job to educate the ignorant, but it's a privilege to be able to help those in our community who cannot be heard our out so that one day they'll be able to live and express themselves as they want. Those people who were loud helped me, are STILL helping me.

I know this is a long ass post so just one last thing:

Even though we cant all gather in one place this year for pride, if you're feeling isolated and like there's no place for you at home or wherever you may be, just remember that even apart we're here. we're queer. and, well, we're always filled with existential fear so the rest of the world better catch up.

Even when you're lonely, you're not alone. and we'll keep reminding you of this. There are people, and there WILL be people for you, just wait.✊🏼🏳️‍🌈

Stay safe, everyone ❤

#lgbt #lgbtq #pride #pride month #trans pride #nonbinary #bisexual #bisexuality #bycorin #internalised biphobia #internalised homophobia #internalised transphobia #religion #gender dysphoria #homophobia #transphobia

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sol1056 · 5 years

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hey im the anon who asked about how you knew the stuff, sorry i wasn't too clear on what. i just read the post explaining EPs and how the behind the scene stuff worked and i wanted to know how you knew all that, like are you involved in the industry? or just a nerd?

gotcha! Well, remember how back in S1/S2, people kept pointing out Hunk could be… awfully nosy? always getting into things, asking questions?

I was over here going, YES HUNK IS MY PEOPLE.

It’s a hallmark of a certain type of engineer: insatiable curiosity, and never satisfied with only one answer, always sure there’s more to discover. Okay, we’re not all engineers — a lot of us are Russian Lit majors — but the key is our drive to discover. We take apart, put back together, connect dots close and far, turn things around and study them from a new direction. We’re those people who randomly show up in your part of the building, poke our heads in the room and say, “so, what do all y’all do here? what’s this do? hey, what’s that?”

Despite the fact that most of us seem to be (strangely) strong introverts, that doesn’t stop us. We’ve got questions for everyone. We’ll talk to total strangers all day if we’re on the trail of a particularly interesting idea. In a nutshell, we’re utterly shameless.

I did post-production back when NLE was relatively new and the compositing applications required massive nearly-mainframe computing power. I was mostly in the sfx/cg areas, but I weaseled my way into the color suite pretty regularly. I sat in on editing sessions and was a happy lunch-fetching lackey if it got me a chance to watch the compositing team. Any lull meant a chance to chat up directors, cinematographers, producers, etc. I totally took advantage.

It’s been awhile since I did that – and since then I’ve been a roady, a mental health & substance abuse admin, a doorman, and even owned a bookstore, before going corporate. But for every wacky thing I’ve done, I’ve also kept in touch with people I met. Frex: the friend who got me the post-production job is now an executive producer. Yes, I do call him with questions. He’s used to it. If he doesn’t know an answer, he sends me to someone who does. (Another reason we’ve been friends for so long.) One answer is never sufficient, never a reason to stop there.

Meet one novelist, get introduced to six more, and three of them write for TV. Oh, that’s handy. Should save that contact, could be useful someday. It’s actually rare for someone to say no, come to think of it. idk, as long as I can get access, I can usually get the person to tell me something I can use.

However, since my actual area of expertise applies across many industries, I’ve worked all kinds of places. A lot of it’s client-facing, and if you think that means I’m not wandering around the client site poking my head into rooms and cheerfully interviewing people on the spot, then you haven’t been paying attention.

Now that I work at a multinational corporation, I have literally thousands of people in my network, including everyone who’s moved on to a new place. You might be surprised how many people are fine with, “hey, I work at X with Y, and Y told me you’d know this.” Of course, everyone has a bias and a view limited to their own experience, so you can’t stop there. You can’t really understand a situation without knowing the agendas of all the players. You gotta ask a bunch of people, make sure you’re getting the most rounded sense of things.

Not really a hardship for me. It’s kinda the whole point.

People are people everywhere (outside cultural quirks), and it’s rare I’m ever researching a single person (I’m not an investigative journalist, if you were wondering). Most of the time, I’m looking for the industry-based cultural expectations. As in, “given X and Y, what would someone who does A generally think is a reasonable action, in this situation?”

The key is to have a believable reason for asking, and being a writer definitely qualifies. “I’m researching for a story, and I have a character who do X. I wanted to know if it’s realistic for them to know Y. Who do you think would be the best person to ask?” I frequently cold-call, and I never ask “is there someone there,” I ask who they think is the best person. A lot of times it ends up being someone that the phone operator knows (personally or by reputation) who’s full of bizarre trivia and enjoys a chance to show it off. (Plus, it’s amazing what you can learn about a person from all the other subtle cues people are unaware they’re telling, when they’re focused on their area of expertise.)

That’s how I ended up interviewing the Director of the DEA about whether a non-US-university degree would satisfy the education requirement. His letter of introduction got me monthly lunches for awhile with the DEA director in my city. (Oh, the stories I heard.) It’s how I learned about sheep subsidies from one of the top execs at the USDA, and that there’s a single surviving Civil War widow still getting a VA pension. Going in person is even more fun. You could wind up talking to one of the very few artists in the world whose speciality is touching up pre-Renaissance books so the repairs aren’t visible. Or the art historian whose job is going through the nation’s attic and identifying century-old fakes.

I’ve talked to embassy officials from five different countries, NASA biophysicists and astrophysicists, OSHA inspectors, Nobel prize-winning economists, police detectives, celebrity chefs, environmental lawyers, arena-level sound-people, race-car drivers, potters, opera singers, patent examiners, train mechanics, fire marshals, foley artists, and club DJs. I’ve interviewed fashion photographers, farriers, puppeteers, lighting designers, Catholic bishops, bioethicists, rabbis, fighter pilots, public radio personalities, newspaper editors, chemists, club organizers, war correspondents, Episcopalian nuns (yes they exist), textile artists, prison architects, midwives, cabinetmakers, tall ship sailors, haute couture seamstresses, and civil engineers. On and on and on.

Don’t neglect official avenues, either. The Department of Labor, the International Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners, the Screen Writers’ Guild, the list is nearly endless — any organization, union, or federal/state dept that sets or guides policy. Everyone has a bias, so what people consider normal is sometimes… not. Or they just didn’t know (or saw no need to know, the fools) the reason for A over B. You have to check the rules, because a discrepancy between what you’re told should be done versus what people tell you is actually done… is also useful to know.

(Labor practices are definitely one of those areas, since federal labor policy is something every company must observe. It’s the law. So when a workplace seems to be violating the law, it raises a lot of interesting questions.)

And finally, of course, there’s traditional research. Textbooks written by people in an industry can be particularly interesting, especially if it’s a book meant for readers outside that industry (which usually means a lot of firsthand anecdotes to round out the gaps). Popular articles, academic essays, post-mortem white papers, TED talks, interviews. You need to do your basic homework, because there’s no waste of someone’s time quite like asking them a question that’s patently absurd once you get past common assumptions.

I once explained the plot of a popular SF show to a NASA astrophysicist, and his response was simply, “Every word you used was English, but those words in that order make absolutely no sense at all.” Kind of a dead-end, there. You can’t come at a top-level expert with intro-level questions.

Since I don’t always know who I’ll stumble over next, being an information sponge means I at least have a whole encyclopedia of analogies. If I can find common ground (cars and houses are two of the best), I can at least get a basic idea of the person’s meaning. “Oh, so it’s like when you turn the key in the ignition, and the lights don’t come on because the battery is dead?”

It’s asking the right questions, using an open and friendly approach, and having the right timing. Remember: there is no such thing as unskilled labor; there is only undervalued labor. That is, their time is also valuable, so be brief, open, and sincere. Treat every person as if they’re an authority in something, even if you haven’t figured out what that is.

The world is a massively complex place, and contains more things than are dreamt of in our philosophies, all of it waiting to be discovered.

Or, the shorter version:

btw: I don’t actually recommend going in person to the Dept of the Interior, though. You’ll get lost. Like, instantly. That place is MASSIVE.

#research #asking questions #to paraphrase bertrand russell #it's a good thing #to hang a question mark #on things you've long taken for granted

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colorfulbibliostack · 2 years

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i got so used to the oppressive heat of costa rica in just a week that now i have to wear my winter jacket in my bedroom because its just too cold here. it doesn't help that my town had a cold streak right before I came back.

anyway a little update on how im doing:

i tried to get through the feeling that all I do lacks purpose by doing chores on the first day, but I fell back into listening to the magnus archives and watching dumb videos. Every second my brain isnt occupied by pointless media I'm reflecting on the meaninglessness of all that I do. Before, I thought that as long as I was happy that I was succeeding but now my unproductiveness is making me unhappy.

I've gotten through this by drinking a lot of tea and thinking of ways to find meaning in my life. I've decided that I'm going to drink all of my four boxes of celestial seasonings tea by the end of summer because I know that they're probably losing flavor (as I prefer my bigelow teas, which stay fresh longer) (that does remind me that I have an open package of bigelow green tea that I should also drink)

Also, in regards to finding meaning in my life; I've started using a journal my friend bought me for this purpose. Currently I'm reflecting on my sense of self and who I really am. Which has always been hard for me to define, because. Autism masking. But since I've learned about masking and begun trying to lower how much I do, i have a much stronger sense of who I am.

Another thing I'm considering is reading more. I already have read more this year than last but I want to get through my tbr this summer. I'm not sure how this is going to help me discover the meaning of my life but it seems productive enough. I only wish I could focus on my podcast and a book at the same time.

I've only had half a glass of wine through all of this, and that's only because it was from a winery near my hometown. So I'm doing great not indulging my addictions. The tea helps. I favor cinnamon apple right now but im mostly drinking chamomile because its oldest and my least favorite of the ones I don't drink. I haven't drank any of my honey vanilla chamomile yet because its one of my favorites. Chamomile I drink every morning and I drink cinnamon apple or gingerbread spice after dinner if I feel like it. Maybe this isn't a lot of tea. I drink a lot more when summer comes, upwards of six cups a day. Not when I'm in my hometown, but as I'm likely to be stuck here, I know the boredom and loneliness will bring me back to the days where all I had in the world was mugs of tea and writing.

Aside from books and tea, I've gotten my woodcarving tools in the mail. They seem usable. I don't know much about woodcarving tools. I managed to stab myself testing the fifth tool. I tested the sixth with my hand bleeding, then took a break to make my morning chamomile and put peroxide on my wound. It wasn't bad, but it did bleed quite a bit. I tested the other sixth after taking my tea to my bedroom and putting on the magnus archives.

I have discovered that I don't have the right type of wood for hand carving. I thought soft pine plywood would be perfect, but the grain is too loose. I need to see about finding basswood. I'm going to try asking the art teacher if she can ask the wood shop teacher. Or at least give me his email so I can ask.

Oh, also I carved a bit of bone. There are shards of it on the floor beside my bed. Little known fact about me, I have a box of mostly elk bones that i have no idea what to do with. Theyre pretty old bones, so they were hard to carve. For one they also had a grain like the pine, parts where they were splitting and cracking. Secondly they were very very brittle.

Anyway, I'm still not entirely sure how to talk about my trip to Costa Rica. It was good, but I feel like talking about it will ruin it somehow. It'll take a while before I'm able to turn the experience into casual anecdotes. Come to think of it, I don't talk about any of my trips that much. Only the ones to my hometown. I think maybe I internalize my travel experiences too deeply, to the point it feels shrouded as a dream but its such an integral part of me I can't forget it.

#jr rambles #life update #existential #im just trying to figure stuff out guys im alright #but uh #when school starts again on monday i might go a bit insane #i cant wait till summer break i just wanna chill in my own world #and maybe see my love once a week #chaotic academia #grunge

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mc-dude · 6 years

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gabe hc

im making a list of gabe hc that i have thought of in the past few days for future reference if i ever start to write some gabe fics or somethin

gabe’s go-to order at starbucks (which im assuming will survive into the year 2050 bc.. y’know.. coffee is eternal) is pumpkin spice latte during the fall, green tea latte the rest of the year. he likes his fukin sugary drinks and when someone tells him they thought he would like black coffee like all those soldier types he sips on his latte and raises an eyebrow and deadpans ‘that’s racist’

ive embraced the fandom hc that gabe is always cold. im from cali and am also always cold. my anecdotal evidence is pilin up. beneath his wrinkled faded motorhead hoodie is another, equally faded and wrinkled band hoodie. when jack wants him to get naked it takes him like 10 minutes to get all the layers off

wears his beanie partially bc his ears are cold but mostly because he just doesn’t have the gotdamn time to fix his hair in the morning so he just shoves a beanie on his head and calls it a day. on the rare occasion where he has the time to style his hair people are Stunned

gabe is a super sarcastic asshole but will only joke around with you if he trusts you, which leads to a lot of scenarios where someone tries to shittalk with gabe and he just turns to them very slowly and menacingly ‘.. what did you say’ ‘i- i didn’t-’ ‘... im just fucking with u lol’

doesn’t like being called gabe unless its from people that he knows really well. ‘that’s sir to u’

the longest HC i have which i was gonna write as a fic but probably never will is that gabe wasn’t actually bitter abt jack getting command of overwatch over him, in fact he was kind of relieved because he hates being in the spotlight. he’s proud of his boo and lets him know it all the time when jack’s feeling insecure. i hc (and theorize) that the most likely scenario to turn gabe against jack was talon infiltration overwatch from the beginning.

it starts off with just little things- scheduling changes so gabe is cut off from his team he had during the omnic crisis. talon basically chooses him as the greatest potential asset and tries to prey on his insecurities as much as possible to turn him against jack (who is his life partner & love so it’s gonna take a while)

moira was a plant by talon from the get-go whose mission was to try and corrupt gabe and isolate him as much as possible. mccree and genji sort of stave off the isolation for a while but being separated from jack, ana, reinhardt & co really starts to weigh on him. his insecurities start to spring back up– they’re all too busy for him, they got better shit to be doing than to come see how their old commander is doing, etc. :( it’s exactly what talon wants; him to feel isolated, to start feeling a little bit bitter. they can foster that bitterness into what they need.

there’s a mission where mccree loses his arm (he was only 19) and gabe takes it really hard– he blames himself, wishes he could have been faster, stronger etc. moira uses this opportunity to introduce the possibility of genetic experimentation, tells him with her unorthodox methods he could be faster, could better protect his team and the people he cares about.

gabe thinks about it for a long time, and he really wants to ask jack what he thinks but he hasn’t talked to jack for a long time–he’s been stationed out in god knows where for months. he doesn’t have anyone to confide in, doesn’t want to burden anyone when he’s such a failure, so he accepts. this gives talon direct access to mold gabe however they want.

he degenerates slowly over time, becoming more and more of a ‘monster’ in his eyes but it’s all worth it for him because no one else has gotten hurt on his watch, just him. he’s pleased with the results in terms of efficiency and allows moira to keep on doing her experiments. he reasons that if SEP and the omnic crisis didn’t kill him, a few little experiments won’t either. he hides his new abilities from jack and the rest of his friends because he doesn’t want them to see him like this.

after a year or two of genetic altering the widowmaker incident occurs. talon has gained the ability to completely brainwash someone and remold them to how they like. widowmaker was a test, one that succeeded, and gabe is the final target.

all the meanwhile moira is saying tiny things, just little mentions like ‘looking a bit monstrous today, aren’t we?’ to get it in gabe’s head, to make him think he’s a monster. it starts to work. during her sessions she introduces phase 2 of his genetic altering, which includes, unbeknownst to gabe, the start of a long brainwashing regime prescribed by talon. they don’t want to do it all at once, they want to keep overwatch functioning in their best interests for as long as possible

he begins to lose things-- he’ll find himself standing somewhere he doesn’t remember going, doing something he doesn’t remember starting, and it freaks him out. he thinks it’s a side effect of his genetic altering and confronts moira, who feigns concern and promises to figure it out. little does gabe know but moira is being funded on the side by talon during all of this on the condition that gabe be delivered when he’s ready to work under talon.

gabe becomes more paranoid the longer the momentary lapses in his memory goes on. he feel like he needs help but none of his friends call him, no one checks on him. he’s been purposefully isolated from everyone and the walls start to close in around him. he hates what he’s become, finds himself ghosting as a bunch of particles more often, finds it harder to keep his form.

one defining moment is when he goes to speak to jack after not remembering the last few hours and waking up in a panic. he has to tell him that something’s wrong. but jack has a meeting, he promises they’ll talk afterwards, says he misses him, etc. and walks away, right when gabe needed him the most. gabe realises that he’s alone.

he knows talon is planning something. they’ve been increasing their presence lately and he knows they have an informer somewhere in overwatch. he doesn’t suspect his team because he trusts them; they’ve been here for so long, it couldn’t possibly be them. he gets a nagging sensation that something big is about to happen, something is going to go Down- has some half-remembered dream of someone planning something (which is a memory from a talon meeting he attended when he was in a brainwashing episode) and so he sends genji and mccree away on some bullshit mission; it’s the only thing he can do. he tries to see jack one more time but he’s not due back until tomorrow.

talon brainwashes him into planting the bomb in the swiss hq. they recover him from the carnage, brainwash him into thinking that it was mercy who did this to him and not moira (which explains all of his voice lines in game); that overwatch left him to die alone and forgotten. that jack was against him. he’s lost everything and everyone, and he works with talon willingly, memories of his past life almost forgotten but still there, like some half-remembered dream.

ITS ALL VERY TRAGIC OKAY BASICALLY gabe really needed help but talon made is so that he was completely isolated from all of his support while simultaneously turning him into a vapeman

gabe family HC:

gabe has 3 sisters. idk why this is widely accepted as canon in fandom but i like it so i accept it in my heart. he would die for all of them and would sew them shit all the time back at home. his dad died when he was young and his mom and grandmother raised him while he helped to raise his sisters.

this also makes me have feelings for that christmas comic where gabe is stalking that family in the rain because in my mind he’s vaguely remembering some sort of family but can’t remember the specifics and it makes his heart ache

gabe was part of the theatre club in high school and always hung out at the skatepark doing tricks on his shitty 2nd-hand bmx bike

gabe joined the military so that they would pay for his college. he majored in design, but decided to stay in the military after because he realises that he’s good at what he does and he can make a difference. he gets promoted quickly bc of his tactical genius and is quickly nominated for SEP. he accepts because of the war he can see brewing and the shitstorm he knows is about to come. he hates being separated from his family and not being able to contact them

gonna add more later when i think abt them

#gabriel reyes #gimme ur thoughts on my HC buddies #gabe hc #tagging this so i can find it later to update it

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warmau · 7 years

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let me talk a bit about my magical royal bangtan au

firstly jin, jungkook, and jimin are brothers/princes your kingdom

hoseok, namjoon, and taehyung are brothers/princes of the rival kingdom

yoongi is a high wizard, the last remaining of his bloodline because his parents gave him up to an orphanage when he was young to protect him from being hunted down by the crown which had declared a war on magic

yoongi doesn’t know where his parents are, but in the orphanage he was ridiculed for the spreading of a glowing purple rash that runs up his neck (a common, naturally occurring tattoo for wizards whose familiars are crows)

and at the age of eight he broke out using magic and learned to fend for himself, mostly from the black market of potion brewing which he used to sustain himself

up until now when he’s apprehended by the royal guards and he thinks he’s going to be like??? thrown in jail but jin explains to him that there’s an oracle loose in the country

an oracle that one of the princes has to marry to be able to see the future of the country through the power of eternal love (aka marriage)

and yoongi is like wELL how exactly am i supposed to help you with that??? and jin is like “don’t hide it.” and one of the guards tugs at yoongi’s long hood and when it drops the glowing purple tattoo is there

and yoongi’s staff which he disguised as a walking stick reacts to the exposed tattoo and shifts back into its original form, along with his crow familiar perched atop it

and jin is like “you’re a wizard, you can sniff out another magical aura can’t you?” and yoongi scoffs because like what the hell is in it for him and jin is like “jimin, bring the gold” and at that yoongi’s whole attitude changes because uh,,,,,,money,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YES PLEASE

and yoongi tries to reach out to touch it but jungkook unsheathes his sword and yoongi is like ok ok i got it ill find the oracle

and guess who the oracle is,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ITS YOU

you just???? don’t know it because your whole life you’ve spent it working for your families grocery store in town and you’re just???? an ordinary person who sells vegetables and fruits alongside your parents

but ,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,sometimes you get dreams so vivid and realistic about future events and a war,,,,,,that might happen between the rival kingdom

and you just shrug it off as nightmares

but yoongi, he can sense it just by walking by you. there’s something magical, something different

and yoongi decides to disguise himself as one of the royal guards and he makes up some story about how the princes have ordered an obscene amount of pumpkins and your family is delighted to send you over with three huge boxes of them

but once you’re inside the palace, you get a weird feeling because,,,,,,,common people aren’t,,,,,,,,allowed in here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,like ,,,,,,,,,,,ever

and this story about pumpkins isn’t adding up and when you turn to ask yoongi whats going on,,,,he’s shapeshifted back into his normal form

and you see the tattoo, the piercing eyes and the huge black-wood staff and crow and you’re like oh S HI T

and you’re considering throwing a pumpkin at this dude and just making a RUN for it

but the doors in front of you open and you immediately have to drop to your knees because it’s the three noble princes of the kingdom

and jin goes “is this them?” and yoongi’s like “it’s the only person with any kind of magic in their aura. it has to be.”

and you’re like what the hell is going on,,,,magic is forbidden in this country

and that’s how you end up seated at a long table, the three princes and yoongi at one end and you at the other

and jin is trying to carefully explain the situation whilst jungkook keeps growling under his breath and yoongi whose shoving his face unapologetically with fancy food

jimin,,,,,,,tries to peak looks at you but is too shy if you lock eyes with him

and you’re like what,,,,,,wait,,,,,,marriage???????? to one of you???????

and jin is like “you can take some time to think about, not long though we need to be married to be able to see the full potential of your prophecies-”

but you’re like prophecies???????? im not magical????? sure i get weird dreams

and yoongi stops eating just to be like “dream, prophecy same thing.”

and you’re flabbergasted to say the least

and jin is trying his best to give you a smile, and jimin is like “sorry!!!!! you have to go through this!!!!!!” and jungkook keeps just toying with his sabers handle

and you’re like i,,,,,,,,can’t just,,,,,,

but jin gets up and makes his way across and takes your hand and he’s like “please, it’s for the sake of this country that we love.”

and basically the princes explain that you can live alongside them for a month and see which one of them is best suited to your taste

and you’re like ,,,,,,,,,,,, wait is that like ill be dating three????of you?????

and jungkook is like “just pick jin, don’t waste time!” but jimin is like “jungkook,,,,,,we can’t just force them ok!!”

and you’re like what in the heck

–> Jin

he really likes being in the kitchen and learning from the world famous cooks that get hired,,,,,and it’s almost shocking to see him out of his white, elegant outfit and in an apron instead

is the oldest and takes care of jungkook and jimin more like his children than his brothers because his parents largely neglected them for their political life

so you always see jin internally worrying about his younger siblings and just wishing they’d behave (jungkook more than anything)

doesn’t really like fencing or rowing,,,,,,,,his favorite royal sport is archery and you once wake up to see him practicing early in the morning in the gardens and he looks so poised and collected,,,,,,,it’s enchanting

if you choose to spend more time with him he tries to teach you to shoot a bow and to do that he stands behind you, arms on your shoulders, than moving your waist to position you and his breathe against your ear

and jin is always excited when you talk about your job as a produce seller and he insists on buying from your family owned store even when the cooks are like uh,,,,,,,,we can import something from france-

but jin falls in love with your families food and you teach him how your parents taught you to peel potatoes prettily and make sure the cabbage is ripe enough to be fermented

and like,,,,,you fall for him largely because he actively engages with you and also he’s such a freakin flirt

like he’ll see you wandering around the big palace and say that you look lovely

or randomly compliment your voice, or your eyes, or the way you laugh

and it gets to your heart really fast,,,,,,,,,,,,

–> Jimin

he’s not all that great at politics, the arguments and constant trickery get him really worked up and so he turns to jin for a lot of the guidance on actual affairs of the country

more than anything he loves the arts,,,,,,,,,everything from painting to singing to dancing to sculpting to writing,,,,,,,,,

he’s learned every instrument he’s ever been able to get his hands on and he has a teacher for every subject of art he could ever become interested in

and the crazy thing is that he really is talented,,,,,,,,,no matter what he tries to do. he draws beautifully, his voice is perfect for singing, and he even dancing like a professional it’s become an annual joy to watch his performances put on at the country national theater

but he’s also quite shy and flustered and you’re not sure how to approach him but out of everyone,,,,,,he seems really apologetic and guilty about you having to do this

and he tells you quietly once when you bump into each other at midnight in the halls that he wishes you didn’t have to force yourself to fall in love with one of them,,,,,love is something so free and so beautiful and it should happen naturally

and for a moment you wonder if maybe jimin knows what love is like,,,,,and how much it should be cherished,,,,but you don’t ask

although this talk does somehow make jimin a bit more comfortable around you

like he starts asking you to join him for the tea together,,,,,,,and to maybe try your hand at sculpting with him or learning to play the violin since well you have a month to kill in this huge palace why not

but also,,,,,jimin is so attentive and affectionate. he becomes much more clingy the more comfortable he becomes and you notice with how suddenly he isn’t shy to kiss your hand or even touch your shoulder gently when you clumsily hold up the violin

and when jimin asks you to tell him about what it’s like to be surrounded by a family that loves and cares for you

he can only stare with wide eyes and a warmness when you tell him anecdotes of yourself and your parents

and you slowly realize that jimin didn’t get to experience this,,,,,,and that jimin really just wants unconditional love

and he’s so soft,,,,,,,he deserves it

and somehow you end up deciding that,,,,,,,,,,,you want to give it to him. that unconditional, real love

–> Jungkook

is interested in all the cool things he gets to do as a prince,,,,,,,,,,like learn how to sword fight from the country’s top knight and how to ride horseback in a flashy style

and long story short he has no interest in the manners of a prince, the public eye on him and his “grace and elegance” or whatever that stuff is called

he wants to be heroic and brave, he wants to be a legend which is why he keeps jumping at all the chances to prove himself physically and jin always has to hold him back by the ear and be like “jungkook. sit down.”

likes collecting weapons and keeps insisting that jin let him get karate lessons from a real monk or something and jin is like jungkook. no you don’t need to know karate- jungkook: yES i d O,,,,,,,

he has absolutely zero interest in you at the beginning. like he sees you and is like “jin is amazing, marry him.” and you’re like uh,,,,,i don’t know him and jungkook shrugs like get to know him through marriage

and he seems to really dislike that yoongi guy and jungkook is like because wizards are historically always up to no good

and glances a look at you and is like “oracles don’t seem all that great either” and you wanna be like square up punk but he is the prince so you bite it back

until,,,,,,,,,,,,you figure out one day that jungkook absolutely sucks at juggling like out of all things,,,,,,,,the boy cannot juggle

and you know how to because out of boredom when you were working at your grocery you used to practice with apples or oranges

and you do it one day to show jimin and jungkook is like “i can do that too” but lmao he CANT

and when he drops all the apples to the floor you and jimin are giving him smug smiles and jungkook is like jUST WAIT ILL PRACTICE AND BEAT YOU

but ,,,,,,,,,,,, he can’t get the hang of it. and you offer to help him but he refuses point blank and you’re like ok whatever

until one day as you’re sitting at the window of the room you were given you hear a maid announce that prince jungkook is coming inside

and to your shock there he is,,,,,looking defeated and red in the ears and the butler beside him is holding a basket of apples and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,oh

and he’s like “,,,,,,,,,,,,,pl-please teach me how to,,,,,,,,,you know,,,”

and you can’t help but stifle a giggle and be like “juggle?” and he’s like gkhfdsaljgfs,,,,,,,,,,,

and so you decide why not whats there to lose and so you help jungkook learn the technique

and after a week he’s doing really well and he’s like “let me move on to juggling knives-” but you’re like no no nO

and you can’t believe it but jungkook is laughing and having a good time with you

and he has such a cute way about him when he’s happy and not trying to put on that indifferent scowl

and it’s when you’re out walking through the stables and you see jungkook, forehead pressed to the nose of his horse saying goodnight to it that you figure hey,,,,,,he’s actually Soft isn’t he

and jungkook spots you and is like YOU SAW NOTHING,,,,but you’re like i saw everything and it was adorable

and jungkook is like “don’t call me adorable. you’re adorable!!!!! not me!!!!” and you’re like woah did you just compliment ???? me ????? in a roundabout way

and jungkook flushes red and is like uh,,,,,,,,,what,,,,,,,,,,,,i guess,,,,,i don’t know,,,,,,,,,,you’re cute,,,,,,,ive never felt this before,,,,,,,,help me,,,,,,

you: do you still want me to marry jin?

jungkook: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,id have to challenge him to a duel if that happened

—> Yoongi

is planning on just leaving you with the princes and being on his merry way,,,,,but then he realizes,,,,,,,,,what in the world is he doing giving someone who can predict the future up to a bunch of royals who killed off his bloodline

but he knows he can’t just snatch you away again so he decides instead that he’ll stick around and see which prince you choose and then maybe he can take it from there

but also,,,,, ever since he brought you to the palace his familiar has been acting weird. like the crow has become ,,,,,,, interested in you and it usually never care for other humans beside yoongi

and it takes yoongi quite some time until you pull out from your pockets pumpkin seeds and the crow swoops down from its perch on yoongi’s staff and to sit on your forearm as it pecks away at the food

and the three princes are shooing the crow off and yoongi has to catch his familiar and hold it under his cloak

and that night when he’s going back from the palace his familiar won’t stop cawing and it’s annoying him and he’s like “FINE we’ll go back to see them”

and to your utter surprise you find yoongi sitting on the balcony outside your window and you’re like “why are you back here???”

and yoongi, obviously trying to play it cool is like, “because i,,,,,,,,wanted to see how you’re doing.” and you’re like “i,,,,,,,,,feel really weird and uncomfy,”

and yoongi is like dammit ok time to pretend to show feelings and goes “i know it’s scary, but the country-”

but he notices you’re not listening and instead looking at his neck and he’s like “what?” and your like “your tattoo is so pretty,,,,,,is it magical?? ive never seen glowing purple ink”

and yoongi quickly puts his hand over it and is like “it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” and you’re like “im not, im just saying it’s really nice to look at.”

and yoongi suddenly forgets that he’s supposed to be pretending and he’s like “really? most people think it looks like some kind of disease.” and you’re like “what? no it kinda looks like a little nebula on your skin”

the description catches yoongi off guard and he’s like “i should get going,,,,” but before he leaves you ask if he’ll come again and yoongi hesitates but nods

and every night yoongi is waiting there on your balcony and he asks which prince you’re interested in and you’re like none of them really and you guys talk more and yoongi can’t believe it

like it might be the fact that you have magic in you like he does ,,,,,,,, but you’re the first person he’s ever had to talk to,,,,,,,, and it feels nice

yoongi shows you that his staff can transform into a broom and that’s how he flies up to the balcony and you’re like “flying sounds so fun,,,”

and yoongi is like “ill show you, come here” and you, rather fearlessly, get on the broom with him and wrap your hands around his waist

and yoongi would turn red ,,,,,,, which he does but it looks even cuter because the tattoo starts to flash and you’re like huh whys that and yoongi is like igNORE it,,,,,,,,

and he takes you for a fly around the palace and you can see the lights from the village and all across the country’s mountains

and you’re like “this is so amazing!!!!!!” and yoongi smirks to himself because,,,,,,,,,,,ok he’s totally having fun showing off his flying skills right now (even though he won’t admit it)

and yoongi comes to terms that his familiar wasn’t acting all that weird the day he dropped you off with the princes, tbh he was looking for an excuse to go back and see you

and when the month is up and it’s the night before your marriage yoongi can’t hold back and he goes “run away with me. i can get us out of this country,,,,,,,,,,,,i can’t leave you and your magic in the hands of,,,,,,,those people”

and he isn’t even thinking about your powers as something he can sell anymore, he’s thinking about you,,,,,,,as the person beside him,,,,,,,as someone he wants to protect

and you’re nervous because ,,,,,, this country needs you right????? but yoongi is living proof that this country hurts those who harbor magic

which is why you take his hand and yoongi gets you on his broom and he throws his hood over your shoulders since the night sky is cold

and you to vanish from that country,,,,,,,together,,,,,,,,,,to start somewhere new

note: this is super corny im sorry it’s just something ive thought about for ages and could ramble on about because ive made this au so detailed in my mind LOL,,,,,,,,,should i do hoseok + taehyung + namjoon because they actually do fit into this plot but i don’t know if you guys will like this au enough to wanna read about them,,,,,,,,,,,,,anyway!!!!! i hope you enjoyed

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ted-hyung · 7 years

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ok another one: wonpil is an underground producer/songwriter and one day he gets a req from the famous singer sungjin to collab and he cant stop fangirling whenever they have to meet but wait is that his name scribbled endlessly on sj's notebook? (yes i am who u think u are - im just too shy to msg this off anon LOL)

@6ungjin le sungpil queen, here have another from yours truly. pure drabble, rated G aka fl00f, another cliffhanger.

working with south korea’s hottest soloist park sungjin has been nothing but an experience, mostly because wonpil might be a little bit over the moon by the fact that he’s sharing the same breathing space with the man himself; the man who cannot function in the morning without his overly sweet caramel macchiato and whose thick busan accent is difficult to comprehend at times when he’s excited with the new arrangement wonpil added to their very first collaboration song.

but to think that the park sungjin could turn beet red like this? wonpil would never dare, mostly because he’s always been the quickest to grin like a fool whenever sungjin so much pays the slightest attention to him.

“umm.” wonpil hums. he can’t help it. so what if sungjin thinks that he’s being too transparent after all the laughter wonpil had not faked for his lame jokes anyway? him smiling from ear to ear because of something that’s entirely out of his expectation should be the understatement of the century.

“um, hi. sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you.” wonpil knows from the warmth emanating on his cheeks that he’s in no better condition than the older man. wonpil bites his bottom lip, shrugging off his canvas tote bag before taking a seat next to sungjin on an unoccupied chair.

who visibly flinches and moves his left elbow, arm, his whole body, to block wonpil’s sight on his battered notebook.

“y-yeah, hi! hi, i mean. hi. you’re… you’re early, wonpil-sshi,” he says, and his gulp sounds so loud inside the empty recording studio.

“i had a bad dream, so i couldn’t go back to sleep.” wonpil smiles, giddy, already forgetting about him free-falling from the edge of a cliff, down down to a nothingness. “how are you?” he asks instead, because the last time they had a meeting over the final arrangement was last week, before sungjin had to promote for a couple of days at osaka.

“great,” sungjin licks his lips, “neat.”

wonpil nods.

the clock ticks.

no one looks at the other.

“y’know, i’ve got somethin’ for ya,” sungjin mumbles, oh so smoothly sweeping down his notebook to his opened backpack underneath the mixing table. he rummages through something and presents wonpil with a huge plastic bag.

“for me?” wonpil asks, his smile never fades. he reads the label, and pulls out a black, bomber jacket with a fusion of tiger and skull graphic embroidered on the back. it looks cool and expensive. there’s also a black scarf from the same brand, and a small takoyaki phone strap.

“i hope you like it.” sungjin adds, seemingly getting a hold of himself because his smile is finally there on his handsome face.

“i do! thank you so much!” wonpil beams, and sungjin laughs, relieved.

“have you eaten sumting? i brought lotsa snacks from osaka,” he continues, getting up to walk to the grey sofa where another plastic bag is sitting. “you like matcha, right? have you ever been to japan? such a matcha heaven. we should go sometime.”

if sungjin thought that wonpil didn’t hear him because of the rustling of the plastic bag, he’s so, so wrong.

“i’m fine going to the seafood jjampong place you told me is the best in whole busan for our first date,” wonpil says, because two can play a game. he can be nonchalant, too. “then you can take me to japan.”

there’s a pause.

and then, “thought you dun eat seafood?” comes from sungjin who tosses a pack of what looks like high quality mochi to wonpil’s lap.

“who doesn’t eat seafood?” wonpil encounters back with another smile because sungjin remembers an anecdote he said ages ago. he eats seafood. he loves busan and the sea and the man in front of him.

“fair enough.” shrugging, sungjin plops down on the grey sofa and takes a packet of chips. he mutters i missed you, wonpil-sshi as he tears open the plastic and wonpil didn’t get his acknowledgment as ‘the man with the golden ears in the indie k-music industry’ for nothing, because he hears everything, just like how he saw his name, both in hangul and roman alphabet, written in various sizes in sungjin’s notebook.

#day6writersnet #sungpil #sungjin #wonpil #day6 #day6 fic #day6 scenarios #drabble #OTP talks #kpop fic #kpop scenarios #* answered thank you

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vixen-vangogh · 7 years

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polyvore was being a pain in the ass no matter how many words i tried to censor so here’s the life update i meant to put in that set

- have been living in a somewhat stable housing environment for almost a year and four-ish months now which is WILD and a huge record break for me.

- kind of have a partner? we're def QPPs and have been nomadic vagabond companions since like 2015 and have been sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, making life plans together hardcore since then. when i try to explain our relationship to others i explain that we are like Bert and Ernie from sesame street. it's not romantic but it's definitely a very serious thing and there is nothing i could forsee that would face our future that would not be faced together as companions. i was kind of chatting with a buddy the other day who was asking abt stuff and i was mentioning how an aphobe asked, 'how is this different from a best friendship, why do you need to call it a queerplatonic relationship?' and my instinct was to be all, 'well idk i mean i think most best friends don't stick their tongues in each others mouths' but like that said, some best friends do that and its totally legit but the main difference is we call it this because it is more accurate to the intricacies of our relationship.

a best friendship implies different things and a QPR is what we have been calling ourselves for some time.

- have come across the term alterous attraction many many moons ago and have concluded that more or less, this has been the basis for all the experiences of 'attraction' i have thought i felt in other categories. turns out i just love being pro/miscuous and cuddly and affectionate with people and it doesn't necessarily have to have any of the other attractions present. it's just an expression of my alterous attraction. and idk it just seems to make way more sense. someone said it was a commonplace for pre-questioning lesbians to make up to themselves crushes on boys with calculations involved about why this person is attractive.

i think maybe i do experience other forms of attraction but they're seldom enough that it's more anecdotal. and i'm going to call them crushes anyway bc it doesn't matter what i say or do - people are going to be confused by me and who i am and i shouldn't have to sacrifice the nuances involved in who i am and how i live my life to try and get smaller minds to understand it.

and nobody has to understand either. i don't even understand. that's heckin ok bro

- i've been on them 'ro/ids (testosterone) on and off for three months in spring/summer 2016 (androderm) and then the injections for some amount of time this year and there's been a lot of body changes. but mainly i'm looking at nu/des of other people on hormones and realizing like... what if I'm actually inters/ex? it makes no sense for my di/ck to be bigger than people a year on hormones in half the time, does it? like what's up there? and my body is signif hairier in a way that is noticeable to me and my QPP.

last week when I got the inje/ctio/n the nurse (who is a really nice lady? like smiley very friendly maternal type) asked me "how did you know?" without other context or anything.

I didn't really know how to begin because honestly no one had ever asked me that before and it's the one question I needed somebody else to answer back when I was like, 15/recently 16 and needed help finding myself. I wished future me could visit past me and tell me like, "hey jsyk this is what you concluded, here's the answers, and here's all the stuff I've realized about our past experiences that were actually Signs that you're #genderqueer"

and I think, another thing, I wish I could have told the past me, that the laws were going to rapidly change in my lifetime, and also to avoid any cis person who suggests therapy "for hormone starts" because that's what led me to like, 2 years of rather unhelpful talk therapy that turned into lowkey conversion therapy.

No one should ever make you write a sob story about your past before they allow you the autonomy to make decisions about your body.

I gave a little backstory of timeline and told her how my mom kept saying things like, "why are you so offended at the idea of being a woman?" etc and how we don't speak anymore, how I came out in 2011 and every day for the longest time I had to explain to other trans people who the heck I was. how my nonbinaryness was seen more as a delusion despite the fact that I found the wikipedia pages and message boards and I knew there were other people like me out there. I didn't know of another #nonbinary person until 2013 and even then I only met them in passing at a panel they hosted. (we ended up roommates for a bit around 2016 but that's another story)

I stopped having to give #genderqueer 101s to the LGBT+ community around 2014.

And I feel like after that Laverne Cox paved a lot of way for us, and Facebook started putting other genders on there (which I'd signed petitions for years before and considered to be a hoop dream)

and there's been corrective r/a/pe I've gone through and so many tears I've cried and sui/cide attempted and hospital visits

and things are definitely still horrific and I can never afford groceries. I don't eat enough to sustain myself and live on welfare and am too medicated and disabled to work and have tachycardia and PTSD and other complications of my own forced resilience

but I'm on testosterone or whatever and I look at the changes that have gone on and I know that I was a part of that

but I'm never going to get credit for it and it pains me how much I'm suffering because I started advocating earlier than the majority of trans people out today.

if I had come out to my mom years later, would we be speaking?

it doesn't ultimately matter, because if we kept speaking I still would have ended up d/ead. coming out and having her react like that, topped with her steal/ing from me when I was homeless, years of sui/cide baiting, physical + emotional + etc a/buse my whole life, it's miraculous I ever made it out alive

it's so painful but I just have never had the privilege of choice.

- I've been thinking to go back to school maybe and that I need to actually go at it full force with passion because I think I have gotten way too down on myself for the results that have come from my own halfa/ssery of it all. And my own procrastination etc.

I wish I had access to medical care as a child or counselling or something more than I ever did have because maybe I would have excelled in school instead of suffered to try and keep my head above water. I mean, I graduated honours (equivalent).

there's too much about my life to be angsty about.

- also idk if i mentioned this but i got ar/rested for protecting indigenous folks at a thing and it was in the news and im not going to talk much more on it bc of privacy but i'm happy to dig up the video of the pol/ice dragging me away and the crowd shouting (and gendering me right ;u;) "LET THEM GO, LET THEM GO" and i was a pathetic mess thru the whole thing and just had the wrong emotions the whole time and like 3+ reporters tried to get a hold of me for interview but I forwarded them to the indigenous leaders of the ceremony instead

we prayed inside the arre/st tent and put down tobacc/o and held ceremony and the c/ops were horrible and took so much personal offence to everything we were and every reality that happened that they wanted to deny. they banned us from the public land we were arrested on and it was horrible.

it was in the news and justin tr*deau showed up for a photo op and the organizers weren't allowed in their own tipi. he wasn't invited.

those with the land claim to the area made an official statement welcoming us and condemning the go/vernme/nt for arrestin/g us.

nothing was ever done about that bit other than them releasing us and i went to the hospital the next day to get my wrist checked because i couldn't really use it and the handcuf/f bruises and the bruise on my knee was massive. it's been two months and it's only now faded.

twitter blocked the image of us in the a/rrest tent holding hands in prayer with the hand/cuffs on our wrists. they said it contained "sensitive content"

tumblr did the same, calling it "NSFW" (weird bc literally photographs of my actual na/ked body with links to where u can buy videos of me jerkin is not labelled NS/FW automatically lol?????)

i asked tumblr to review that and they still labelled it as such.

it's just so blatantly a genuine broach of free speech and freedom of religion. it was a crimi/nalized religious ceremony and i got between the co/ps and a woman praying.

- i saw Against Me! in march and the mosh pit was extreme and I fell down at some point and like seven people pulled me up and that and the getting arre/sted thing has really hecked up my knees ! i feel like they're mostly healed since but i've not even been kneeling on my mattress for even a second to make sure of this. otherwise it's just been sudden pain for months but as i said, i think they're a lot better now.

- i came forward abt a pr/edatory ex and a few others of their victims came to me to say that they had gone through the same and that they were even more pre/datory than had been with me. i lost quite a lot of friends in the matter bc what i accused them of was extremely serious and came across as vicious on my part.

i'm going to take it as alright though, because i know that i've put what i said out there, and if they have read it at all, they can at least have these ideas in their mind going forward and take precautions. this ex was confronted publically and directly on social media about it and there were several witnesses and screenshots i had to things they did and said. i'm hoping that serves as some kind of warning for them, about their actions that they have confessed to with several people, and how these things will come back for them. that they cannot evade accountability, that i am a force of nature and if you wrong me or do a wrong in my witness with no remorse on your part or apology, i'm not going to let you live it down.

i care and i am tired of hearing horrible stories about them from others. others who came to me saying that i had been painted as an abus/er. because i know ! people see me standing up for myself as threatening all the time. they worry they aren't allowed to make mistakes around me.

no matter how many times i say it or prove it, there's always those people who are too cowardly to admit when they do make mistakes and who go to great lengths to protect their pride and entitlement.

i know we are all growing. i seek environments of mutual support and growth. i am now in a phase of life where i am not giving the time to people who have no interest in these environments. anyone can be my friend, if they are ready for it. but i don't owe it to anybody and anything wrong i have done i am at a point where i feel like i am in touch with my own humility.

and if someone tries to milk it because they think my vulnerability isn't also strength and something that comes with at least some ferocity... well, that's not my problem.

- my rabbit Snicklefritz is doing fine. he's shedding like the dickens this season and mischievous as usual but hopefully one day I can afford to make him an enclosure again and I can let him out only when I can keep track of him.

he's ruined a lot of sketchbooks and a lapdesk my QPP got me for the winter holidays that we are both heartbroken about.

- I am trying to become less attached to material belongings and it has helped me a lot when it comes to coping with all the sentimental items left with my mother or in the various times I've been homeless or left exes etc over the years.

My memories are in my heart and not something that needs to be placed externally, in an item.

Have also trying to go zero waste (like, becoming someone who produces no garbage, just recycling and compost) and it's really been noticeable all these small differences. I buy way more bananas, lettuce, etc. And I've been making bread and spaghetti and whatnot and having windowsill gardens.

- I'm not cured of anything or whatever and I'm angsty 24/7 and broke as heckaroo but there's enough of The Little Things In Life (gardening, youtube videos, kisses, etc) to help me get by in the meantime.

- three days ago a friend (who I consider(ed) chosen family) I had purposefully cut out of my life a year ago showed up on my doorstep to tell me I was right about everything and to apologize for all the wrongs. That they reread conversations we had around then and that they have grown and grown into a better place. They were 18 then and 19 now. We were from the same hometown and they're still there but moving to my city in December. I missed them so much and they stayed with me a few days. I feel a bigger sense of home in this city knowing they're going to live here soon too.

- I've been Really Intensely looking thru my DNA and geneology stuff since last winter. For some reason Indian (like, South Asia) shows up in my DNA and some southern Europe/Northern Africa/Middle East kind of region. My father was adopted via a stepdad and I figure this comes from his bio dad. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't really know. My maternal haplotype is supposed to be one that's generally found in African populations which throws that whole theory. My mom and me also had to use hair picks (afro picks) when I was growing up because our hair was so naturally thick and the waves really tangled up. Every time we went to get my hair cut in that white rural town the hairdressers would comment how they'd never seen such thick hair before etc. I'm still struggling greatly to find answers because everybody's last name is phoenetically weird except for my dad's mom's line which has an extremely Cornwall last name and anyone with that name is definitely part of that family.

Doing research to find what I was told growing up (that I was Kanien'keha:ka via my maternal grandmother's grandmother) has been very difficult because I'm not sure which grandmother of hers it was, and one of them seemed to remarry several times and I cannot be sure of any of the surnames being a maiden name. It's also really hard to know what the spelling was supposed to be because it was written phoenetically. But I think that one's likely English anyway. The other one I haven't reached yet but my grandmother's father's father seemed to be from a Metis community outside a reserve where I remember being told we had ancestors. It seems we're descendants of some really famous anglo Metis folk. I've not figured out the specific links to lock the names all into place properly in my family tree but it's the surname and the small community that are an exact match and on the message boards.

It's a lot to think about. I've been struggling with my racial identity for a long time and regardless of nuances and ethnic identity I feel like I'm just doing this research to seem special or more interesting or to branch out my activism. DNA is not ever going to tell me who my ancestors were, just the locations a small handful of random specific ancestors lived. Family trees are going to help, but they're not going to help me too much as someone who doesn't actually have blood family I'm in contact with really.

I might see if I can get in touch with an older cousin I have on Pinterest because she seemed to be the only one (besides my younger cousin) who really ever sent me vaguely kind gestures after I came out. She was the only one who seemed to be supportive when I did my grandma's eulogy. (Aside from my sibling who went up with me. But I don't speak to my sibling for other reasons.)

I have a paternal cousin as well but we're more half-cousins as my dad's mom had a few different men in her life and I don't actually know if he does have full bio-siblings. I don't really know if it's worth it to reach out to her because with all the technicalities and separations and adoptions and half-relatives I don't know whether I can ask her to ask around, or if I can just ask her, or what.

Anyway whatever it's just easiest to explain my ethnicity as being Metis because talking with others and stuff it seems like maybe this is the best way to label myself, to explain my complicated history and acknowledge that my blood ties are not what makes me me, but rather my ethnic ties. I have traditions and beliefs and ancestors I'm reconnecting with and trying to find.

Not all my ancestors were great people. But it is interesting as heck to learn about them. (Especially seeing pictures and some of the weirder resemblances from like, 5th great grandparents.)

Also one of my greats of grandparents crossed the US-Canada border several times in his life and near the end of them the border agent wrote "seems odd" on the thing and I haven't found any explanation for why he was crossing the border either lol which is pretty dang interesting imo.

- anyway idk I think I'm good ?? have been getting a lot of new interests and hobbies lately which feels good, feels right

i'm getting muscles because of them hormones and probably eating healthier or whatever and drinking more water and just livin life as best i can

could use some more dollars however but what can u do when welfare doesn't go up to match minimum costs of living haha :)

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viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

You’re Probably Showering Way Too Often

Did you shower this morning? Yeah?

Gross.

Ok, I confess, I showered this morning too. But I feel pretty weird about it.

That’s because of surprisingly compelling argumentthat regular showers AKAthe harsh, scalding scour of essential oils and organisms from your skin is bad for your health, your scent, and the balance of life on your body.

But it’s a difficult subject to write about, because there isn’t a body of research to point to that can tell you exactly how often you should cleanse yourself, or with what methods.In fact, thisposed a problem for even writing this article; the original premise, a clear answer to the question “How often should I shower?” just does not appear in any of the available research.

What does exist is a growing body of evidence to suggest that our shampoo-scrubbed lifestyles, along with a number of other factors, are damaging a complex system science does not yet fully understand: the human microbiome.

Showering too much can mess with your skin, and even the way your body functions

The microbiome is the collection of bacteria, archeae, viruses, and other microbes that live in and on your body. We know that these little foreign crittersare deeply important to your health. Without them, your immune system, digestion, and even your heartwould lose function or fail entirely.

It might make sense to understand the microbiome as a parallel and complementary organ system intertwinedwith the bulkier bags of wet tissue we typically understand to make up the human machine.

But researchers say the state of the science only offers a small slice of the full picture of the role our microbiomes play in our lives.

(Part of the problem? There’s little in the way of a focused effort to fund research into the subject, with grant structures siloingmicrobiome investigations into other, narrower specialties. The result isthat it’s difficult for interested scientists to launch coordinated, multi-disciplinary studies.)

There’s compelling indirect evidence to suggest that showering damages your microbiome on your skin, which in turn damages your skin health.

At the broadest level, it’s fairly clear that indoor, urbanized and sterilized (crudely: Westernized) living leaves people with less complex and robust microbiomes.

A study of the people of Yanomami village in the Amazon, who had “no documented previous contact with Western people” found their skin, mouths, and feces hosted the richest complement of bacteria in any human population examined until that point a complement that included antibiotic-resistant species, despite no known contact with antibiotics.

And it’s well established that a shower with shampoo and soap strips your hair skin of much of its microbe complement, as well as necessary oils which the cosmetic industry then attempts to replace, using conditioners and moisturizers.

Further, there’s good reason to think that the common skin conditions of everyday life, like acne, emerge from disruptions to the normal microbiome.

What to do about the stink

All those dots in a row sure look like an arrow pointing toward the conclusion that showering too often is a bad idea for your health. But there’s no published research that I’m aware of drawing a clear, bright line between them.

(If I’ve missed something, I expect I’ll hear about it soon via all-caps notes in my inbox, and I’ll update accordingly.)

Part of the problem may be that it’s difficult to assemble a large enough body of subjects willing to skip showering for a long period of time to conduct a high-confidence controlled study. Instead, the published science on shower-skipping is mostly a stackstories of self-experimentation.

These stories, anecdotally at least, answer the most important question about shower-skipping: What to do about the stink?

Here’s the problem: Some of the bacteria that make up your microbiome excrete nasty-smelling chemicalsthat add up to odors wafting from your body’s folds and creases. Stop rinsing them away, or killing them with deodorant, and things could get pretty gross.

Still,shower skippers say that problem only exists because our microbiome is so disrupted in the first place.

The most prominent example is probably James Hamblin of The Atlantic, who published an essay in June 2016 explaining is decision to gradually give up the daily scrub.

“At first, I was an oily,smelly beast,” he wrote.

But the theory goes that your body adjusts to the new shower-free normal, and your renewed, recalibrated microbiome smells a lot more pleasant if a bit more earthy than Old Spice.

That seems to have worked out for Hamblin:

I still rinse off elsewhere when Im visibly dirty, like after a run when I have to wash gnats off my face,because there is still the matter ofsociety.If I have bed head, I lean into the shower andwet it down.But I dont use shampoo or body soap, and I almost never get into a shower…

…And everything is fine. I wake up and get out the door in minutes. At times when I mightve smelled bad before, like at the end of a long day or after working out, I just dont. At least, to my nose. Ive asked friends to smell me, and they insist that its all good. (Though they could be allied in an attempt to ruin me.)

Is a shower-free lifestyle actually healthier?

While it’s not entirely clear that people like Hamblin are healthier than the rest of us (that is such a fuzzy concept), there’s certainly no clear reason to think they’relesshealthy either. And, as he points out, they sure do save a lot of time, water, and money getting up in the morning.

If you decide to cut down on your showering, or start skipping it entirely, it’s probably a good idea to avoid being around people you want to impress for a while.

Hamblin spoke to Julia Scott, a journalist who documented her own transition to shower-free living for The New York Times Magazine. Scott used products from a company called AOBiome intended to promote a healthy skin microbiome, and found that she smelled of onions for a little while, at least to some of her friends, while her body adjusted.

She also found that just a week of showering at the end of the experiment destroyed her newly-cultivated colony entirely.

So here’s the deal: I’m sold on the idea that scrubbing soap and cosmetics into my skin every day is probably a bad idea. But if I’m being honest with you, I’mnot brave enough to switch over to a shower-free regime just yet.

In the meantime, I tweeted at Hamblin asking him if he’s kept up his no-shower routine, but he hasn’t responded.

–

If he does, I’ll ask him what he smells like.

Read the original article on Business Insider. Copright 2017.

NOW WATCH: How you’re drying yourself off after a shower could affect your health