#im just really grateful that things got better and im hoping they continue to go up
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I need you
Olivia benson x fem!reader
(Warnings): hurt/comfort, mentions of murder, cussing, Olivia being a simp and a softie
“Benson.” Olivia rasped our tiredly and you smiled at the sound of her voice. “Hey liv.” You said and you heard her sigh “what’s wrong y/n?” Olivia questioned you and you knew something was wrong, you just didn’t know what. “Nothing. I’m just really hungry and was hoping on your way home you could get me a cheese burger with extra extra pickles?” You asked her and she sighed once again making you frown.
“Maybe I don’t know. I’m really busy right now hon. I’m having a tough case and we really need to catch this guy.” She said while you were trying to understand why she can’t be home right now. “Please come home liv…please I miss you so much.” You said getting choked up and she felt her heart break at the sound of your voice but she had to catch this guy.
“I’m sorry baby. I’ll check in on you later okay?” She said and you whimpered back in response and hung up causing Olivia to run her hands through her hair angrily and sigh loudly. She feels terrible. All you wanted was a cheese burger and your wife. She understood that but she needed this guy to be caught and out of the streets for everyone’s safety, especially yours.
~ a couple hours later ~
Olivia went by McDonald’s on her way home to get you your cheese burger. It was around 11 o’clock when she finally got off of work. Fin came into her office a few moments after the phone call she had with you and filled her in about how they caught the guy and he’s in the station being processed. She couldn’t be more happy and grateful that he was finally Caught. But it dawned on her how she treated you and she felt awful.
So, Before she went home with your bag of food, she decided to go to the store to get you some of your favorite flowers, chocolates, snacks, and candy. She feels awful and she wanted to make it up to you. She headed back to y’all’s house and opened the door with her keys. The jingling sound made you startled and you jumped up and got a knife from the kitchen. You slowly walked to the door and was about to attack when someone grabbed your arm and turned on the light. “Liv?! What the fuck! You scared the shit out of me!” You said breathlessly and handed her the knife. “Well at least you weren’t almost stabbed by your own wife.” She chuckled and you rolled your eyes at her with a small smile on your face.
“I thought you were supposed to call to check in on me? But seeing you is much better.” You mumbled out and she sighed. She took you into her arms carefully, trying not to hit your bump as she held you in her muscular arms. “Well…we caught the bastard and decided to get you “im sorry for being a jerk of a wife” gift.” You looked at her confused until she held up some bags filled with your favorite things and your cheese burger. You immediately snatched the McDonald’s bag from her and started eating it. “Thk y-u..” you mumbled out with your mouth filled with food. She chuckled and kissed your forehead softly. “Anytime sweetheart. Here, let’s have you sit and I’ll give you a foot massage as I tell you what happened.” She explained and you nodded. She guided you to the couch with your food in hand and she sat you down as she placed your feet in her lap. She started massaging your feet and you moaned loudly which caused her to smirk.
“Oh get that smirk off your face you horn dog.” You grumbled out and she laughed which made you smile. You continued eating as Olivia told you a brief summary about the case since she can’t share all of the details to you. She told you that this guy was killing pregnant women and how she wanted to catch this son of a bitch in case he went after you. Olivia wouldn’t ever let anything happen to you, she will protect you with her life. You finished your meal as she finished her story and you gave her a soft smile. “I wish you would have told me…I honestly thought you were being distant with me…” you confessed to her and she gave you a sad look. “No sweetheart…im so sorry that I made you feel like that…I just really wanted to catch this bastard and I wanted him off the streets as soon as possible.” She explained to you and you leaned up to her and kissed her softly on her lips.
She kissed you back gently and held your face in her hands. The both of you pulled back and gave each other big smiles. “So…what else did you get me to eat.” You smirked and she laughed. “I got you your favorite chocolates, snacks, and candy.” She replied and you gasped excitedly making grabby hands at the bags on the floor near Olivia. She chuckled as she handed you the bags and you stared munching on them while Olivia watched you with a adoring look on her face. “Do you forgive me babygirl?” She asked you and you smiled at her. “Of course I do silly. I couldn’t stay mad at you. You were just doing your job I know that. I was just a little insecure I guess.” You said and she gave your forehead another kiss “I understand baby…but just know that I don’t distance myself from you on purpose. I just get so caught up in my work that sometimes Im distant. But just know that I love you so much darling.” She explained to you and you gave her a loving smile.
“I love you most liv.” “And I love you too little bean-son.” She joked and you giggled at the nickname she kept calling y’all’s unborn child. You felt the baby kick in response and you quickly laid Olivia’s hand on your bump and the baby kicked again which made Olivia break out a huge smile. She leaned down and gave your bump a gentle kiss. Olivia started talking to the baby as you ran your fingers through her short hair and she kept giving your stomach loving kisses.
A/n: my first Olivia benson imagine! I hope y’all enjoy and know that winter/Christmas requests are open for all the people that I write! Remember to stay hydrated and rest! I love y’all! :)
#olivia benson x fem!reader#olivia benson x you#olivia benson fluff#olivia benson x reader#olivia benson headcanon#olivia benson one shot#olivia benson#olivia benson x pregnant!fem!reader#mariska hartigay#mariska hargitay imagine#mariska hargitay x reader#mariska hargitay#law and order fanfiction#law and order special victims unit#law and order svu#svu
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I dunno if you know this already but I saw this post and like I can't tell what's more sad, that the poor host of the polls had to go through all of that bs that happened or that now what was supposed to be fun/a event of love got ruined because of people being, well, assholes 😭
https://www.tumblr.com/theshipwars/742219820704071680/hello-everyone-im-am-sorry-to-be-announcing?source=share
Oh my god, that is fucking awful. I really hope that the poll host is doing alright.
Hey, my maggots, I want to say that I hope you all were not triggered by the events of the poll (which I won't link here, but some extremely derogatory things were said in the notes, and there was misgendering of Aziraphale and Crowley involved). The conversation escalated to a place it shouldn't have. There's no need to go to that poll, or engage with it any further, but I do want to inform you.
I have a wider audience than most, so I think I should take the opportunity so say here, that please, please remember that these are stories. I understand that to these fictional characters we're all bringing our own stories, and these things get entangled until what was a show, movie or book represents something far larger. But fandom for many people is a place where they find safety, and where they can escape from the horrifying reality of the world for a few hours. Those two things can coexist, fandom can be a vehicle for change and representation, and it can also be a silly safe little imaginary world. They can coexist beautifully, if both sides are given the respect that they deserve.
These polls are meant to be light-hearted and a way for different fandom to engage with each other in playful competition. They should not have become a breeding ground for accusations, slurs and toxicity.
And there was a person behind that blog, who had to be bombarded with those notes, to the point that they are now overwhelmed, disheartened and triggered by the misgendering. I really, really hope they're okay.
I'm so grateful to you all for keeping this blog a safe place, which I hope it will continue to be, for people from all parts of the fandom. I think I'd better not reblog any polls in the future, however, because while I know this fandom, I have no idea at all about the others.
If I messed up anything in the post, or if you have a different opinion, please feel free to tell me! Just don't attack each other, I'm entirely open to being corrected and disagreed with. I'm not in the best state of mind right now to be making this post, too, but I figured I should try, even if I get some things wrong unintentionally.
Just. Be kind. Be kind, my maggots. To other people and also very importantly to yourselves. Yeah? You all are so bloody sweet and supportive and amazing. Keep being kind. I love you all.
#good omens mascot#good omens#tw: mention of misgendering#weirdly specific but ok#asmi#maggots#good omens fandom#crowley#aziraphale#lgbtqia#tumblr polls#ship wars#fandom polls#fandoms#fandom culture#fandom toxicity#be kind#be kind be kind be kind#yeah?#i love you all
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Hi-! So, i recently find your evet "Letters from another word" and fell in LOVE whit it, so i wonder if you could sent this letter to the Traveler and Paimon :] (Aether if is possible). You can ignore it if you want, i understand 😺
[In the eternal night that passed through sumeru, the traveler and paimon passed through the avidya forest on the way to the city of sumeru, the sound of an approaching hilichurl highlighted the silence, however, it showed no sign of threat, and brought a small handful of things, although the traveler drew his sword, the hilichurl was unfazed, and rather extended what he had in his hands to them, doubting the traveler and paimon took the package, and the hilichurl walked calmly until they lost it In view, after discussing the situation a little more in detail and devastating why that hilichurl did nothing to them, they noticed a well-cared letter with a prominent golden wax seal, which precisely brought their names to the address]
To Traveler and Paimon
Hello there Traveler and Paimon, i don't know if this letter is going to get to you, but hoping that you are reading this, how are you doing in your travels in Teyvat? I hope you are doing well.
I know you two are maybe confused because you don't know who or what im am, but to say the least, im someone who is always trying to help you from the distance.
I recently find a way to help in a better way that just give you a hand in the shadows, i hope this things can help you find your twin, Traveler.
Hoping that you can see a use of this, your friend 𐌕ⶴ𐌄 𐌂ዪ𐌄ል𐌕ዐ𐌐
[With the letter, a sword that gives off a divine aura is wrapped in a fine blanket, an amulet that shines brighter than any vision that fills you with energy and strength, and a well-cared and still hot homemade meal with a note that said "For paimon" at the top]
(This whit be in a SAGAU AU were the face of the creator is unknow to all persons in teyvat, and when the creator got isekai in Genshin Impact just star to wander around and help others from the shadows. Also- srry if the letter or everything don't have sense, Inglish is not my mother lenguaje and im still learing ;;)
Sorry for the late response!! This is very interesting actually!!
****
Paimon stares at the package
"What'dya thinks inside?" She questioned as she floats around Aether. Aether shurgs,opening the package up and sitting before opening up the letter. His eyes skim through it,nodding. He looks around for some paper,luckily having some and a pencil to write a response with. Paimon has already started eating the meal,grinning as she floats up to Aether. "So,what did the letter say?" She looks over his shoulder,nodding as she read what Aether was writing. "Tell the creator that Paimon thanks them for the food!" Aether nods,finishing up the letter and folding it. The letter dissappears from his hand,and him and paimon continue to do what they were doing before.
Meanwhile,the letter ends up in the hands of the creator,who opens it and reads it,a soft smile on thier face. The letter reads as follows:
Hello Creator,
We are doing quite well! Currently,my travels have taken me to sumeru,which seems to be the most promising nation by far. I'm not sure who you are exactly,but judging from the way you signed the letter,you seem to be quite important. Thank you for your help,though. I'm very grateful that you are trying to help me find Lumine,even if I don't really know who you are. At this point,I'll take any help I can get...
Thank you for the sword and amulet,I'm sure they'll be quite helpful. Paimon also says thank you for the food. I hope I can meet you soon "creator". Until then however,I wish you a good day.
Sincerely,
~Aether (and Paimon!)
****
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Your drabble about Liam, Fujio, Ryouta, and Ryuu reacting to darling's past joke confessions was AMAZING. You knocked it out of the park!!! Got me giggling and kicking my feet ehe.
Continuation with the same bois: Darling and said yandere are enjoying the loving couple life these past few months with the occasional outings and dates ignoring those red flags darling is colourblind. But a challenger approaches! The yanderes' past fling blatantly flirts with them in front of darling.
Before the yandere can intervene, darling squares up. Darling drapes herself on their arm possessively while sweetly threatening extreme violence. Something like "He's spoken for. Fuck off or I'll stab your eye with this pen to make soup, okay~" The pen clicks.
The past fling runs/yandere chases them away before things escalate. Darling happily asks the yandere, "Why are you staring, baby?? I belong to you and you belong to me just like you said! I'm responding to your passionate love with all my might!" they've awakened a sleeping beast with this one HELP jashlsjksdfkjbsd. Focusing on the wrong things type of darling.
a/n: IM SO GLAD THAT SO MANY OF YOU LIKED THAT POST SM lmaooo this is like the third ask ive gotten abt it!! ofc kudos to the requester too lol! and i absolutely love love this sequel!
warning: female reader as requested, descriptions of violence
liam arieh ★ profile
"Liammy!"
The arm around your waist tightened considerably as Liam started trying his best to walk faster. He knew taking you around the block for dinner wasn't the best idea and, yet, he'd let your puppy dog eyes win him over.
Now look at where that brought him.
"Liam!" The shrill voice seemed to only get more shrill and, before Liam could consider doing anything else, someone latched onto his free arm "Where you going?"
"I'm with my wife." Liam answered snappily though there was a dark smile on his face as he snatched his arm back. The girl had gripped it hard enough that she left claw marks. Disgusting.
"Wh-Who is this, Liam?" You buried yourself into his side, sweet confused eyes staring up at him.
Liam felt his blood turn cold. He'd dealt a little with your self-confidence (or lack thereof) so he'd hoped that you were better now. He worried that wasn't the case and that you'd mistake this situation for something it really wasn't.
He'd slept around before, yes, but they'd never meant anything. Nobody did until he met you.
Liam quickly opened his mouth, desperately wanting to explain though he tried his best to keep a calm expression on his face. Before he could, though, the stupid girl on his other side spoke up.
"Oh, are you Liam's flavor of the week? I was last month's, you know." She flipped her hair over her shoulder, her voice grating on both Liam's and yours patience. "Though I don't think that'll matter since you won't last long."
Laim felt anger flare in him. His blood practically boiled at her words. He was about to push her aside when you suddenly swept up, pushing her yourself. Hard. Hard enough that she fell and hit her head on the brick wall behind her.
Then, you stepped over, tucking your hair behind your ear almost demurely as you crouched a little over Liam's ex's body "Well, I think you won't last long if I bashed your head into this wall any harder, hmm?"
"Don't touch things that don't belong to you and we won't have a problem." You added as you leaned a bit closer, as if telling her a secret. Then, you straightened and dusted yourself.
Liam had watched every single second of what you'd done and the hot blood in his veins immediately turned from anger to lust. He wrapped his arms around your waist, quickly pulling you to him and pressing a hard kiss against your temple.
"That's my girl."
You just preened in the face of his affection, soft smile on your face "That's right. I'm yours and you're mine."
"So, next time someone comes near you, don't let them." You pouted, huffing a little and crossing your arms.
He just chuckled "Now where'd this demanding angel come from?"
"You told me you love me, right? I'm just returning that love tenfold!" You looked up at him, cheek pressing against his collar and your hands going over his hands
Liam just laughed and thanked whatever higher power was out there that they sent you right to him.
fujio watanabe ★ profile
Ever since the two of you got together, Fujio refused to let you leave his sight. Though you reassured him multiple times that you loved him and wouldn't go anywhere, he still dragged you around.
This time, he'd dragged you to his gym. While he was working out, you were just sitting on a nearby bench, observing the way his glistening muscles seemed to flex and un-flex as he lifted up heavy barbells.
Just as he'd finished his last one, some woman suddenly ran across the whole gym and wrapped her arms around his torso, hugging him tight "Fujio!"
He'd grunted and let the barbell clatter to the ground with a heavy thud. Already, blood seemed to heat in his veins. He didn't like it when people ambushed him from his blind spots.
Momentarily, Fujio imagined what it’d be like to lift the barbell in front of him and wack this woman with it. He doubted you’d like the blood though so, he gritted his teeth and resisted the urge. “Let go of me.”
She at least seemed to realise that he was serious because she let go immediately, a nervous expression on her face “Fujio, baby, what’s wrong?”
“You’re what’s wrong.”
Fujio stiffened at your voice and immediately frowned. Fuck, the last thing he ever wanted was to create a misunderstanding with you that would cause you to slip from his grasp. Though he knew that he’d never really let you leave him, it was better if you stayed of your own volition.
“Who’s this? Your current whore?” The woman—Fujio’s ex, you guessed—eyed you up and down as if trying to assess your threat level. From the infuriating smirk on her face, she seemed to think she had something over you.
Before she could say much more, you swung the kettlebell you’d found at her head. It connected with her temple and she crumpled to the ground, whining and crying. Without hesitation, you dropped the same kettlebell on her chest; it was light enough not to injure her but it definitely pushed all the air out of her lungs.
Then, you squatted next to her, your face especially close to hers as you whispered in her ear “I’m actually his girlfriend and I’d appreciate if you didn’t touch him. Thank you.”
“Or I might have to find a heavier weight to keep you down permanently, you know?” You added, sweet smile on your face.
Before you could stand, arms wrapped around you, lifting you into a bridal carry. You looked up and saw that it was Fujio, a dark expression on his face as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck, teeth already nibbling and nipping.
"Where the fuck did that come from?" He mumbled against your skin, breath hot and grip on you tight as ever.
You just wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled "I'm yours, remember? Just wanted to act like it."
“Why was that so fucking hot? Holy shit. We need to hit the showers like now.”
ryouta watanabe ★ profile
Ryouta really never went out like ever. The only times he really left his apartment were when he needed to grocery shop and when he needed to do some work in person.
Now that you were his girlfriend, that schedule applied to you too.
He was at his computer like always. You were on his bed behind him, playing around with his switch. Though you were extremely concentrated on the game at hand, you couldn't help but be a little soothed by the clack of Ryouta's keyboard.
That was until a discord notification pinged through the speakers. It was soft, almost unnoticeable. But it had interrupted your peaceful time and so you definitely noticed it.
Your eyebrows furrowed as you watched Ryouta’s fists clench and unclench in the dim light of his computer. With quiet moves, you picked up his phone and dialled your birthday. There, you saw what the discord message said.
“Hey, I know you said you weren’t interested but I really like you and I’d like to meet IRL to see if there’s chemistry.” It read. The icon was of a woman who was using some sort of puppy filter.
You scrolled up a little and saw what their conversation was like. At first, it seemed mostly work related. Then, slowly, the woman started getting more and more personal, wanting desperately to get close to Ryouta.
He rebuffed every single advance but, apparently, the woman just thought he was playing hard to get.
You put the phone down and padded over to Ryouta, his too-big shirt slipping off your shoulders. With surprising ease, you slipped right into his lap, face nuzzling into his neck.
“Darling? What’s wrong?” Immediately, his body relaxed as he pressed a soft kiss against your temple, and the tension left, replaced with a sort of softness that he only ever reserved for you.
You didn’t say anything, just brushed his hands off the keyboard.
With a sense of urgency and a seriousness he’d never seen from you before, Ryouta watched as you typed. “Hi, this is his girlfriend. I’m going to block you on his account now and, if I ever find out that you contacted him ever again, I’m going to take a pen and I’m going to slam it straight into your eye socket.”
Then, as if you needed to say anything else, you wrote a second message that said “Have a good day.”
After that, you didn’t block her like you said you would. Instead, you tucked yourself into Ryouta’s arms and wrapped yourself around him, clinging to him almost like a koala. You even buried your face into his collar bone, wanting to be as close to him as possible.
“You’re mine.” You stated stubbornly. "Like I'm yours, right?"
As Ryouta blocked the random woman who meant nothing to him, he couldn’t agree more.
ryuunosuke yamamoto ★ profile
Ever since the two of you got together, Ryuu was literally permanently attached to your hip. It felt like anywhere you went, he also went. Even in the restroom, when you didn't let him join you, he sat outside and sent you memes.
So, it was no wonder that you were inseparable even when he went to work.
He was wiping down the counters and you were sitting behind the register, happy expression on your face as you browsed through your phone.
The bell tinkled as the door to the creamery opened and someone rushed in "Ryuu!"
Ryuu let out a pained groan and immediately stepped away from the counter, wide eyes eyeing the measly little door that kept the general public from the employees.
"Ryuu, I've missed you so much! Where have you been?" The woman leaned forward, trying to get as close to Ryuu as possible without literally vaulting the counter.
Of course, Ryuu leaned away and tried to hide his grimace "Hey, uh, what can I get you?"
"I mean, I want to ask you for my number for the fifth time but I have a feeling you really won't give it to me." She whined a little, pathetic pout playing across her lips.
That's when you looked up, blank expression on your face.
"I'm not on the menu." Ryuu proudly spoke up, trying his best to keep his anger down lest he get reprimanded by the higher ups.
"Though you are the most delicious thing--" Before the woman could continue, Ryuu heard a thunk and the woman screamed loud.
He looked to you who had suddenly gotten beside him. Then he looked down to see that you'd cut the woman's finger off with one of the ice cream scrapers.
"He said he's not on the menu." You'd stated simply, sweet customer service smile clear on your face "Now scram before you lose your whole arm and not just your finger."
She looked to Ryuu with wide eyes as she clutched her profusely bleeding hand to her chest. Instead, Ryuu just laughed like you'd said the funniest joke in the world.
"Don't look at me. Whatever the missus wants, she gets, you know."
#yandere oc x reader#yandere x reader#oc x reader#yandere#male yandere#male oc#drabbles#ryuu#fujio#liam#ryouta
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Terms of Employment - Saul Goodman/FTM Reader (NSFW!)
lord help me im back on my bullshit. this is a sequel to my first saul/ftm reader fic. you wake up the morning after and discuss the current situation with your boss/apparent sex partner: saul goodman
tags/warnings: office sex, rough sex, oral sex, light bondage, daddy kink, homophobic/transphobic slurs, squirting, humiliation/degradation, trans fetishization
anatomical terms: dick/cock and cunt/pussy/hole are used interchangeably
words: 4,061
ao3 link
Your head was spiraling the morning after. You awoke from a deep sleep in a bed that felt way more luxurious than your own. The gaudy decorations that littered the walls only exacerbated the pounding in your head. You sluggishly peeled the blankets off, your body aching with even the slightest movement. Wait, where were your clothes? And where the hell were you? How were you going to get-
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”
That answers that question. And literally every other question that had yet to finish buffering. Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. Your boss, the ubiquitous presence on every possible advertisement space in Albuquerque, Saul fucking Goodman, had given you the type of fucking that’d make a nun burst into flames. And he didn’t seem like a smug piece of shit about it, rather cautious, actually. He was standing by your side of the bed, dressed in a comfortable-looking tracksuit, handing you your clothes with a sheepish smile.
“I, uh… I guess you’re starting to remember how we got here. Listen, I’m really sorry if it was too much. You seemed like you were into it, so I wanted to, uh… keep the hype going, ya get me? I hope I didn’t hurt you or-”
“Oh no, i-it’s fine,” you cut him off, accepting your clothes from him, “I… I really did enjoy it. I kinda like it rough.” You flashed that same hesitant smile he had given you as you put your shirt on. God, this was fucking awkward. You definitely wanted more, but you had no idea how you’d even continue working together after this. Were you just expected to never talk about it again? Probably not, since you both were talking about it now, but what were you supposed to do? There wasn’t a page in your employee handbook on what to do after you fuck your boss.
He let out a small chuckle at your response, and relaxed his posture a bit. At least you both could let your guard down a bit. “Heh, kinda? Sweetheart, you take a beating better than some of my toughest clients. I mean, I know I’m not in the best shape but-...“ He lost his train of thought as you stood up to put your underwear on, his eyes unconsciously trailing downward before darting away not so subtly. “Ah, nevermind. So you enjoyed it, huh? Would you wanna… do it again sometime? Maybe we could make this a regular thing?”
You internally breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that his blunt nature took the pressure off you. “I’d like that.” This time, your smile was genuine and confident.
His sigh of relief was dramatic. “Oh thank god,” he exhaled, “I’d been stressing that all night. You’re a good kid. I’d hate to make things weird between us. Well… weirder, I guess. Not exactly a conventional boss/assistant relationship anyway, am I right?”
You couldn’t help but agree with that.
Saul continued. “But listen, let’s just keep this a secret between us, alright? I’d hate to make things difficult for you, and personally, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole ‘I just fucked a dude in his pussy’ thing, y’know?”
You snorted a little at his last remark. “Yeah, that’s fine. I get it. I didn’t think you were into men, anyway.”
“Well, you’re a special case. And besides,” he placed his hands on your hips and leaned in close to whisper in your ear, “It’ll be nice to have a cute little plaything like you on standby.”
You shuddered at his teasing words. You’d hate to stroke his ego even more, but fuck, he was good. You figured you’d better fire back to show him you can keep up. “Sounds perfect, Daddy” was what you ended up with, making sure to drag out that last word.
“Oh ho, is that the direction we’re taking things? I can get behind that,” He replied, lust dripping from his words. Though he switched gears pretty quickly, likely not wanting to cede control to you. “In due time though, kid. Let me drive you home. We got a big caseload this week, so come in an hour early on Monday, got it? I’ll be there to let you in.”
You likewise shifted back into business mode before he walked you two out to the car. “Sure thing, Mr. Goodman.”
—
The weekend passed you by, and you were outside the office on Monday morning an hour earlier than usual per your boss’s request. You knocked on the glass door to the building, and heard a muffled shout from the inside.
“Just a sec!”
“Alright!” You shouted back before absentmindedly checking your phone. You heard him stumbling around inside the dark office. You’d wondered previously why he wouldn’t turn the lights on when he called you in early, but with the amount of walk-in clients he got day in and day out, you got the gist.
Saul eventually hobbled over to the front door and unlocked it for you. He seemed strangely out of breath. “Good to see you here bright and early, kiddo. We got a lot to cover today,” He placed his hand on the small of your back as you walked in, “Have a seat in my office, I’ll be there shortly.”
“Yes, sir.” You replied. Sex was the last thing on your mind at 6:30 in the morning, but you couldn’t deny that calling him “sir” had a spicier taste now. The slightest hint of subordination to him was enough to spark your interest these days. You pushed open the door to his office and noticed an immediate roadblock to the task he had given you. “Uh, Mr. Goodman?”
“Yes?”, he asked, following you in.
“Where are all the chairs?”
The only seating in his office was his chair, behind his desk. You had a smaller desk off to the side, but your chair was gone. The chairs in front of his desk were gone too. Even that gross couch of his was nowhere in sight. Was he robbed? No, that wouldn’t make sense. Who would break into the most infamous law firm in the city just to steal his auxiliary office chairs? And he was here before you, too. He had to have known, right?
“I said,” He strode past you and sat himself down in his chair, crossing his legs and gesturing to the hardwood desk, “Have a seat.”
That son of a bitch. He made you get up at 5AM just to fuck with you. He was here at god knows what hour just to set the stage for your debasement. You weren’t sure how to feel, anger and arousal both waging a war over your psyche. You begrudgingly followed suit, plopping yourself down on the desk in front of him. You made sure to keep your legs closed and your gaze averted. You wanted to make him work for it, at least for a little while.
“There we go, that wasn’t so complicated, was it? Now, let's get down to brass tacks,” Saul traced his hand up your dress pants, in between your legs, and up to your crotch. You usually wore a packer when you went out, which evidently he must have noticed, and he gave it a not-so-gentle squeeze before he spoke. “We both know what’s going on here, so who exactly are you trying to fool?”
You gasped when he touched you, trying to squirm out of his grasp. You sputtered trying to answer him. “I’m… I’m not-”
“Take it off.”
“Si… Sir, I-”
He squeezed you even tighter. “I think you forgot your place here, kid. Your superior gave you an order. Need me to spell it out for you? I’m gonna let you go, and you’re going to take your pants off for me. Understand?”
“Y-yes, sir…”
“Good boy. Now, get up.”
Saul kept his word and released you from his grip. It was as if the praise he gave you went straight to your head and kicked you into subspace. You slid off the desk and undid your belt with shaking fingers. You felt his eyes burning a hole into you as you dropped your pants and underwear, the silicone packer bouncing as it hit the floor. No doubt your face was bright red, and you still couldn’t look him in the eye. Once your bottom half was uncovered, you shimmied back onto the desk, your bare legs squishing against the cold wood. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you like this before, but this was the first time you’d been fully cognisant of your actions, and the first time he ordered you to strip. You were too shy to open your legs for him without command.
“Look at me,” He said, and you slowly turned to meet his eyes. He was watching you hungrily, his elbows propped on the armrests and his hands folded in front of his mouth. There was no hint of compassion in his voice. He was all business. “Spread ‘em.”
You obliged. Your eyes felt heavy, as if tears were threatening to well up, and your brain was starting to slow. Your cheeks and your cunt both felt like they were on fire, and the cold air stung as you exposed yourself to him. All you could think of was how embarrassed you were. You had never felt so fucking humiliated, but you had no idea how much worse it was going to get.
“That’s more like it. No need to cover up your best feature. What a shame that you’d try to hide such a pretty little hole behind a piece of cheap silicone. Why don’t you uh…” Saul made an upside-down V with his fingers, “...give me a better view?”
You gulped, not wanting to risk talking back to him. You mimicked his gesture against your lips, spreading them open to show him. Much to your dismay (or was it delight?), you were starting to get wet and your t-dick was already hard.
“Aw, are you getting excited from this?” he mocked, “No seriously, are you? I mean, it’s kinda hard to tell with such a tiny dick like that, y’know? Tell me, do you like getting treated like this?”
You did. You really did. You wanted more, but you’d dare not overstep. “Y-yes…”
“Yes, what? Go on, say it.”
“Yes, Saul. I… I like it when you treat me like this…”
“Prove it.”
That shocked you. You don’t know why. In fact, you should’ve seen it coming, but it still mystified you when he said it. You figured you knew what he wanted from you, but you didn’t want to assume. “H…How do you mean?”
“Prove it,” Saul repeated his instruction as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Prove to me that you like being degraded like this. I want you to get yourself off right here on my desk. I wanna see you stroke your puny little dick for me like the needy little whore you are.”
Jesus fucking Christ. You had to stifle a moan when he said that. He knew how to work you, and the bastard wasn’t even doing the work himself. You dragged your hand down to your aching cock and wrapped 2 fingers around it before you began to stroke it. You were embarrassed to make noises while he was watching, though biting your lip could only do so much.
Saul looked at you like you were about as interesting as a water cooler instruction manual. He was trying his hardest to seem disinterested, wanting to keep up the act. “C’mon slut, get into it. You said you like it, right? Let me hear you.”
You let a couple noises slip. Mainly just quiet gasps and squeaks. At one point you sighed, “Fuck… Saul…”
“You’re on the clock, sugar. Don’t call me by my first name. You should know better than that.”
“S-sorry sir…” You stuttered, speeding up your motions. “I’ll… ngh…. I’ll be good.”
“You’ll be a good boy for Daddy?”
Motherfucker. Saul was an expert at using your words against you. Part of you regretted giving him that ammunition the other day, but part of you was ecstatic to hear him say it. You replied with affirmation while continuing to chase your high, “Yes, Daddy…”
“Good boy. Y’know, you’re so cute like this. Seeing you pinch that tiny little dick of yours and try to jack it like it’s an actual cock.” You’re not sure what hurt more, his backhanded compliments or a literal backhand from him. Both left a pleasant sting in their wake. “You can’t even call it a dick, really. Just serves as decoration for that nice tight pussy you have. It’s fun watching you pretend otherwise, though. How about you shove a couple fingers inside and fuck yourself the way a cuntboy like you deserves?”
You purred at his request, eager to satisfy him at your own expense. “Ah… y-yes, Daddy…” While still stroking your dick, you slipped two small fingers inside yourself, trying desperately to hit that special spot, but failing. You wished his longer fingers would replace yours. He had hit that spot in no time. Even so, you got loud. You weren’t even trying to stifle it anymore. Shameless whining, heavy panting, the most pitiful noises escaped you as you climbed closer and closer to your peak.
“Ah… f-fuck… sir, I mean, Daddy… shit… I…”
“You’re getting close?”
“Ngh… Yes… Daddy… fuck… please… I need…”
“Stop.”
And it all came crashing down. The climax you had built yourself up to disappeared, but not without a trace. You were still painfully hard, and your pussy was drenched. Droplets fell off your hands and it felt like you were sitting in a puddle. You whimpered softly, hoping he’d take pity on you, but he knew your game.
“Shhh…” he said, “Not yet, baby boy. You said you wanna be good for me, right? Then you gotta listen to me. Now, I want you to get off that desk and get down on your knees in front of me. Let me show you what a real cock looks like.”
You crept down from the desk and settled on your knees below him. He unbuckled his belt and placed it on the desk, making sure to avoid the wet spot you had left behind. He unzipped his pants agonizingly slowly, his obvious erection making you salivate. He fished out his cock, and it was gorgeous. A pretty decent length, and he was thick and uncut, already glistening with precum. You didn’t really get a good look at it last time, but it made sense why you were sore the next day. You shifted your position slightly, trying to get a little more friction against you.
“Getting a little jealous, huh? That’s what I thought. You went crazy over it the other day.” Saul gave himself a languid stroke, just to tease you.
It worked. You wanted him so bad, you couldn’t help yourself. “Please, Daddy… c-can I…?”
“Can you what?”
“Can… Can I suck it?”
Saul laughed, but you saw his cock throb in his hand. He wanted you bad. “Jesus, you’re an even bigger faggot than I thought! Sure, whatever, go ahead, kid. Knock yourself out.” You went to take it in your hand, but he grabbed your wrist to stop you. “Ah ah ah, what do we say?”
That smug son of a bitch. He was insufferable in the best kind of way. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“You’re welcome, whore. Now suck it.”
He let go of your wrist and you eagerly took him in your grasp. You spit on the tip and spread it over his length, his foreskin peeling back as you did so. You wrapped your lips around his head and began to suck, running your tongue along the underside and probing his hole with your tongue. While you slobbered on the tip, you used your hand to take care of the rest. He tasted so fucking good. His precum was salty and sweet, and his musk was driving you crazy. You pulled your mouth off the tip with a satisfying pop, and lowered yourself down to his balls. Licking and sucking on them frantically, you could hear him hiss above you as you worked him over. You were completely and utterly cockdrunk, and you’d do anything to show your gratitude. In fact, you were probably more into it than he was.
“Look at you,” he sighed contentedly, “You look right at home on your knees worshiping a cock like this. I bet you wish you had one just like it, huh, tranny?”
You moaned into his balls as he talked down to you, feeling his body twitch in response. That slur hit you just right. You took his cock into your mouth again and started bobbing up and down his shaft, striving to please him however you could.
“Heh, I’ll take that as a yes. How adorably pathetic. I knew this would be a good idea. I figured you’d start drooling when I took my cock out. I bet that’s all you think about, right, faggot? Just how good it’d feel to have a fat cock like mine filling you up in every hole you’ve got?”
Another desperate moan answered his question for him. You enthusiastically pumped him with one hand, and tried sneaking the other one down to take care of yourself, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
Big mistake.
“Ah!” Saul grabbed your hair and pulled you off him. “Don’t think I don’t see that. You’ll get yours when I say so, hole.” He leaned over you and grabbed his belt off the desk. “Though in the meantime, this should remind you who’s in charge here.” He let go of your hair and pulled the belt taut. “Hands behind your back.”
You complied, and he reached down to wrap the belt around your wrists. Pulling the belt through the fastener, he slipped two fingers in to make sure it wasn’t too tight. What a gentleman. When he was done, he sat back in his chair and looked down at you expectedly. “Well? Tell Daddy thank you for disciplining you.”
You parroted his words back to him. “Thank you for disciplining me, Daddy.” The sick thing was you truly meant it.
He gently patted your head, tousling your hair a little bit. “Good job. That’s my boy. Now…” He gripped your hair once more, his other hand stabilizing his cock at the base, “...take a deep breath for me.”
You knew what was coming, and began to inhale. Though before you could finish, Saul decided you’d gotten enough air, and forced you down onto him. He fucked your mouth relentlessly, spit pooling around your lips and spilling down your chin. You were doing your best not to gag, and for the most part you were successful. Except for when he’d force you down to the base and pinch your nose. He groaned at the feeling of you struggling around him, though he’d always show mercy and let you catch your breath before making you run the gauntlet again.
“Goood boy. I love fucking this whore mouth of yours. Good thing I hired you. Got my own little cuntboy to use like a fleshlight whenever I want.” He took you down to his base again, and before he could pinch your nose, you flicked your tongue across his balls. That caught him by surprise and got him to moan like a bitch. “Shit! Ah… fuck that’s good, kid…” He got louder and louder as he approached the top, fucking your mouth insatiably, “Getting close… ngh… gonn-ah… gonna cum down your f-fucking throat… yeah… take it, faggot… take it… I know you want it… f-fuck…!” He came with an earth-shattering groan, using both hands to push you all the way down. His cum shot down your throat in what felt like buckets, and he didn’t pull you off until he was empty. When he did, your throat was burning and you were gasping for air. Nevertheless, you made sure to swallow it all.
Your efforts did not go unappreciated. You looked up at your boss and saw him slumped back in his chair, panting heavily, face flushed, and looking up at the ceiling with a goofy smile on his face. He looked spent, but his cock was still semi-hard. Remembering where he was, he tilted his head down to see you, and he gently rubbed your cheek.
“Such a good boy… so good to me…” he sighed, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit smug from his praise. “How about I return the favor?”
You thought he’d never ask. “Please, yes, Daddy. Did I do a good job?”
“Very good…” Saul replied, grabbing you by your shoulders and hoisting you up with him. He spun you around and slid his hands down to your hips. Once he had the leverage to do so, he bent you down over his desk. “...and good boys get rewards.” A firm hand pressed your face into the desk and kept you pinned down, while his other hand went to work himself back up. When he was ready to go, he got into position and teased your opening with his cock. “Come on, pumpkin. Daddy wants to hear you say it.”
Of course he does. You wondered if it was physically possible to have sex with him without needing to stroke his ego. But you loved it. Any modicum of shame you had left went out the window as you begged, “Please, Daddy. Please put it in. I want it so bad. Please, please, please fuck me.”
He chuckled at your pathetic whimpering, though not to degrade you further. He was genuinely enjoying the effect he had on you. He leaned down to kiss your cheek before he spoke, “I got you, baby. Daddy’s got you.”
Slam
With one hard thrust, Saul bottomed out in you. You cried out in ecstasy, finally getting the fucking you’d worked so hard for. He didn’t think to start off slow; he knew what you wanted. He pounded into you relentlessly, hitting your base with every thrust. His hips pushed yours into the desk so roughly that you thought you’d bruise. Your head was empty and your mouth hung open drooling. All you could think about was his cock. You loved it. You needed to show your boss how grateful you were.
“Th… Thank… you…. Daddyyy….”
“Aww, you’re welcome, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.” He really was. He loved how he could get you to thank him without being prompted. While keeping you pressed against the desk, he snuck his hand down to your aching cock, and jerked you in time with his motions. “Go ahead and cum for me, darling. It’s okay. Let Daddy feel you cum.”
It was all too much, how his cock filled you up so perfectly, how his rough hands took such gentle care of your dick and kept you helpless underneath him, how sweetly he’d talk you through your orgasm. You couldn’t hold on. He pulled your orgasm from you easily, your wetness squirting out against his bare thighs. From the way he groaned at your release, you could tell he wasn’t far behind. A couple rapid thrusts and he was gone, burying himself completely within you as his cum coated your walls. You both trembled at the feeling of him filling you up. Having him deep inside you, so warm and full, it just felt so right. He stayed in until he softened, taking his hand off your head and slowly withdrawing his cock. You whined as you felt his cum spill out of you, and he just stepped back to admire the sight. He knelt down and tucked his seed back into you, finishing the job by planting a soft kiss against your wrecked hole, a breathless moan escaping your lips.
Saul climbed back up to you and laid his body on top of yours. He kissed your cheek and played with your hair, enjoying the warmth and softness of your figure. You didn’t see him as much of a cuddler, but you weren’t complaining…
“Enjoy it while it lasts, kid. We got 5 minutes before our first client.”
…yet.
#saul goodman#jimmy mcgill#saul goodman x reader#jimmy mcgill x reader#saul goodman smut#jimmy mcgill smut#breaking bad#brba#better call saul#bcs#saul goodman x ftm reader#jimmy mcgill x ftm reader#nsft#ftm reader#breaking bad x reader#better call saul x reader#breaking bad smut#better call saul smut
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Heyy, I know you’re probably not going to see this since you’re not using this account anymore but i think i used to be ⛄️ anon. You might not remember me but that’s okay 😭😭🙏 I loved this account soo much i used to read all the posts on this acc on my free time last year 😭 espicially when im at school in breaktime (and sometimes in class..😟) but after graduating everything has just been busier and life yk 😪 so i never got the chance to read all your amazing fics anymoreee for a long time. I think we only talked once on the posts, LIKE I WAS SO SHY LIKE I WAS THINKING SHOULD I SEND THIS? OR SHOULD I NOT? WILL I GET BULLIED 😭?? I don’t knoww i just looked up to you smm like you’re such an amazing person like you were so nicee to me and stuff and i just wanna thank you for all the amazing memories you gave me this year and last year 😭🫶🏾🫶🏾 idk if you know but you had a big impact on me this year n last year. Your posts taught me how to set boundaries wit ppl, to take care of myself and that its okay to take breaks, how to write really good fics 😈and your adorable little son who always brightened up my day and made me smile whenever i felt shitty 😋 EVEN THOUGH I FEEL PRETTY SAD THAT YOU’RE LEAVING IM REALLY GLAD TOO, like im glad you’re prioritising your mental health and just i dont know how to explain it but im really happy you’re doing whats the best for you 😭😭 I hope you continue to make more fun and pleasant memories in the future and continue to do the things you love and brings out the best in you 😁 OKAY I THINK I’VE YAPPED ENOUGH IDK HOW TO MAKE APPRECIATION LETTERS BUT I REALLY HOPE YOU’RE DOING BETTER NOW THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE AND MAKING ME HAPPY IM GOING TO MISS YOU SMM BYEEE I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST AND IM GOING TO MISS YOUR SON SM BUT THATS OKAY 😭😭 OKAY ENOUGH ENOUGH BYE DRINK PLENTY OF WATER AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BYEE <33
I do remember a ⛄️ anon! (I think I remember almost all the anons I had, even since I started this account.)
You shouldn't be reading fics during class time! (but I did it sometimes too so I can't say anything.) Congratulation for graduation by the way, that's awesome and I'm really proud of you!! It's a big step, and even if the path after gets busier and more difficult, it's something to take huge pride in.
I am happy when anyone send anything, even a comment or ask without words, so thank you for taking the time to do it. I think I should thank you just as much, along with everyone else who accompanied me this year and part of the year before. You did make my life awesome, and I've rarely been this happy before, so it's thanks to you all.
I'm grateful for reading this, that really bring a smile to my face. I wish you the best just as much, that you can enjoy yourself and your life, make friends and be happy. Keep setting boundaries, prioritise yourself and your feelings, be a lovely and nice person. Don't forget to drink water and eat easier, take a break when you get too tired or start to burn out, and stay positive about all the small things that make you happy.
Thank you a lot, and I wish you a Happy New Year. My son (Sherlock) does too.
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2/6 ketamine infusions down!
today i had about twice as much as yesterday, which is considered a full therapeutic dose now. it was definitely way more intense lol. i was seeing things for sure, but they weren’t fully distinct. i saw a lot of roads, but it was more like the abstract idea of a road and i could tell what it was partly visually and partly thru just knowing that it was a road, kinda like how you just know some things in dreams.
i connected with that mother figure again. yesterday it felt like she was standing just behind me, and today it felt like she was all around me, not tangible but still kinda enveloping me. it was incredibly comforting and i just felt this overwhelming sense of love from her. as opposed to yesterday when i was more or less thinking in words, today it was more just feeling. there is actually only one phrase from the trip that i can remember concretely. it was more just like i was being shown how to be loved, and learning that i am loved in a cosmic sense, which also translates to being lovable on earth, a theme that carried over from yesterday. i also feel like i was taught a lesson about just “being” in the present moment without having to worry about either the past or the future.
it was actually pretty interesting, i came out of it faster today than i did yesterday, despite the higher dose. as i started coming back i remember wanting to go faster, wanting to be back in the real world. after they disconnected my iv and helped me shuffle to the bathroom, i just sat with my stepmom holding her hand and closing our eyes in silence, it was so lovely. i was definitely more out of it for longer tho, and pretty quickly i came to bed for a massive nap lol, even longer than yesterday. my brain is definitely doing a lot of work. so yeah, excited for day three tomorrow and definitely grateful for the break over the weekend before i go in for days 4-6 next week. they told me day 3 is when people start noticeably turning a corner, so im really excited to see what changes i notice in myself, while also still continuously reminding myself not to anticipate or hope for too much, just to let it happen how it happens because there’s no way to tell how and how much any individual will react. im very curious to see how much of the placidity ive been feeling will last.
anyway, in case it isn’t obvious lol, im loving this treatment. tripping balls in order to feel cosmically loved and get those dopamine pathways to work better? and i get anti emetics and headache medicine up front so i don’t have any side effects? hell yeah. alright that’s pretty much what i got for today, ill check in tomorrow like this again ✌️
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i'm in the process of enrolling in a work apprenticeship program for carpentry at a trade school and i'm really excited about it
i was hoping they might have summer classes, but classes don't start until august
but i've spent all my time since i left camp in 2018 just struggling to stay afloat and survive and working in food service. which hasn't been all bad, there's been times and people i've really enjoyed and i'm grateful for the experiences. but largely it has not been at all what i want to be spending my time doing. i just didn't know how to get out of it and didn't have the energy to try, because i have also spent all this time being incredibly depressed
but im finally at a place where a) i am aware of options besides continuing to do the thing i have experience doing, Or somehow find time and money to go and get a degree and b) i finally have a job i hate so fucking much i have got to get the fuck out of here
anyways point being
i actually feel hopeful about the future and feel like i am finally going to start doing something i care about doing. meaningful financial stability is within my grasp.
i am going to learn skills i can use to better my environment! after i become an apprentice, I plan to take classes specific to cabinetry and furniture building because that is the type of carpentry i'm interested in doing and that will hopefully not degrade my body further than it already is. unfortunately the program closest to me is largely involved with framing for houses and stuff
when i felt like i was just going to be trapped in food service and barely making enough to get by, i pretty much completely gave up on my goal (a mustang rescue & outreach program, where my facility is also a lesson & boarding facility because i have to make money somehow). but this will give me skills i can use to do that. because now i just need to afford a plot of land, and i'll have the skills and abilities to build my own house and barn and do my own fencing and it will be exactly as i need it to be
and if this program & field is anything like the apprenticeship program my brother is in (fiber optic cable installation), the pay is better than any job i've had before, including when i was a supervisor. and i can actually save money for once in my life
point being. i am hopeful for my future for the first time in 7 years. and it feels really, really good.
#carter speaks#carpentry chronicles#<- tag i made up just now for talking about this because i probably will more in the future
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Pick up, move on.
hi there! this is a little continuation of Wishing upon shooting stars! I originally wanted to leave it be as it is but had to get over my writers block somehow! Also some readers requested a happy ending for our dear Y/n, so heres a little one shot to show you thigs are going good :) its very short but im quite happy with how it turned out . Heres PART 1 {} PART 2
It had been a month or so since your breakup with Wine. You moved out of your apartment, stayed away from any and all bars, got a new job. Things have changed, and you’re too busy to tell if it's for the better or not. At least you don't have to think about any dismissive boyfriends now. Currently at the mall, you try to stay focused on picking the best tomatoes.
You try to focus on this mundane task but sometimes, when your mind decides to mess with you, it strays away. To that night, at grillby’s where your last date with Wine had transpired. Where he met another woman, where you met rejection. In your drunken stupor you’d almost have a mental breakdown, but another skeleton was there to set you on the right path again. He’d been there for you, heard you out, and even called you cab. You were grateful and you hope to get a chance to see him again, maybe give him a thank-you gift. He had been the last push you needed to set yourself free afterall, and it meant a lot to you.
Ah, these ones are good enough. You put the last tomato in your plastic bag and tie it. Next stop will be the pasta section. You sigh. I do wonder how he’s doing right no-
“ow! fuckin’ hell! watch where ya goin’ you... human?” His angry voice fizzled out into one of confusion. “Red!” You’re pleasantly surprised, even if half of your groceries are on the floor. Did you manifest him? You should think about money more then. You reach to pick up your fallen things as he stands up. “Sorry for bumping into you.” You notice something else on the floor, that isn't yours. A bottle of mustard. You reach for it and hand it over to him. He didn't notice anything fell, and accepted the bottle with a little grin. “s’nothing. glad ya remembered m’name, human.”
You went home a lot later that day. You didn't mind though, at least you caught up to Red, his
number saved on your phone (and yours on his).
Work has been getting increasingly difficult lately, and you just can't help but crave for a break. An actual break, not a quick smoke or a 5-minutes coffee break. It’s not healthy, and you’re so frustrated because your stupidass coworkers can't seem to do the stupidass job right and–
Safe to say that your only friend who's awake after 11 p.m. is Red. You both went to each other to vent about work and life in general, and the knowledge of someone having almost the same problems as you makes you (selfishly) sleep better at night. You hope Red feels the same.
Tonight was one of those nights. You didn’t really feel tired, so you were on your phone, talking to Red about the things that transpired today.
Dumb edgy bitch
Yo.
Me: Sup
Dumb edgy bitch: Im heading to grillbys in an hour, dyou feel up to joining me?
Me: If this is a scheme for a date then i must decline
Dumb edgy bitch: Im not just a flirt yknow. Thought u knew me better smh
Me: Just makin sure. Ye im up to it. See u there :)
It’s a good thing you weren't very tired tonight. You were invited to the same Grillby’s as.. That time. But that's fine. You’re not going on a date this time and you will make sure you enjoy yourself (because you know you're gonna hate yourself the next morning once you wake up for work with a headache). You make yourself a strong coffee, just in case, and get dressed in a casual outfit.
You arrive at Grillby’s in no time. Actually, right on time, it's 11:55 p.m., might as well order a beer or whatever. You take a deep breath, nervous. The last time you’ve been here, you’d gotten plenty of pitiful looks from Grillby. Perhaps you’ll flirt with him to see him embarrassed (he seems so stoic, is that even possible? Well, you’ll find out!) as a little bit of revenge.
Determination fueling your steps, you open the door.
#idiones#moroneur#might post this on ao3 maybe#ao3 stuff#undertale#fanfiction#sequel i guess?#live update on y/n's life !!!#besties with fell#I wanted to leave the ending open ended so readers can think of the ending however they want!#be creative#im interested in wat ull come up with :)
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while my mental is getting better... i just had a pretty big breakdown.
this a long and sappy post. if you choose to read it, thanks for caring even in the slightest. otherwise, please continue on enjoying this lovely and chaotic place. 💜
i havent really had anyone outside my family and therapist to confide in these past few years. so its hard to confide in anything now. dont get me wrong, talking to a few of you about the struggles help and it means the world to me that someone out there cares. you know who you are and just know while i dont respond, i am grateful. it is hard though because i really am someone who needs physical love to feel comfort. hugging, hand holding, wiping the tears off eachothers cheeks when they fall. you know the small silent things you share and do to express your care and love for someone. ive yearning that so much as of late and it kills me that ive pushed away so many people that could be that for me right now. besides my family and a few close friends no one knows that my grandfather just passed and i havent been able to come up with the words to talk about how ive been feeling until now. (just as a side note we really need to stop fucking normalizing boys/men bottling up their emotions... this is a whole other rant i can go on but back to it.) i just came down from weeping and feeling so horrible for not being enough of a person for him. but i realize that its not the full truth. sure i have regrets but ive done so much good and try to do so much good. thanks to years of therapy and help from medications, i can understand these emotions better, while im not fully there; its good. i just wish i had the understanding i have now sooner. so i couldve been more present when my grandfather was alive and well. i wish that i couldve had the chance to listen to all his stories about his past instead of hearing about it post-mortem. this man was the nicest and most patient man you couldve ever met and i really dont know where id be without him. he was the father figure i didnt know i needed when my own father didnt know how to stay. he had so much patience when i spent most of my childhood idealizing a man who didnt know how to love his son. im so grateful that he rose my mother to be the best mother a son couldve ever asked for. i cherish the knowledge and the wisdom he bestowed upon me. i am so grateful that in the past two years i spent as much time with him as i could. with every chance i got i made a point to give him a hug goodbye and make sure i waved before walking out of sight when leaving. im glad that the beautiful traits he had are in me and i can carry on his gentle nature. i will forever miss him and wish he was still with us so he could finish the things he had planned. but life is not fair and we cannot prepare for the end all the time. so i just hope that in his final weeks, days, and moments we made him feel loved. i hope that wherever he is now that he is at peace. i love you grandpa and thank you for everything.
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Wow. That’s all I can think to say, is wow. Although this message is going to be long, this chapter has truly left me speechless! I hope you never tire of me saying how much of an amazing writer you are because I will never tire of continuing to remind you! The way that this chapter felt was insane! All the whirlwind of emotions, the complexities of the characters and the situations! All just so beautifully written! The way the lines can feel blurred on wanting to root for Wanda and hate her is just insane to me! The way the lines blur for wanting reader to move on with Yelena and Yelena deserving better is just so complex! I trust you’ll do it justice! I seriously have so many emotions for this chapter, but the one emotion that stands out the most is just how in awe I continue to be of your writing chapter after chapter! Truly, thank you for allowing me to be a part of this journey and thank you for sharing your writing with us! I hope you have an amazing week! Stay safe and take care! -💫🥀
P.S. I saw you were a bit under the weather, I hope you’re doing much better now and remember to take care of yourself, I myself don’t mind waiting for chapters as long as I know you’re well and healthy! So please if you ever need to prioritize yourself for any reason, go ahead! Sending good vibes your way!
Your comments always make my day. I think one of the reasons I always post early (lol, i was two days ahead of schedule) because being left alone to write this story has left me emotionally compromised (just a little, im fine). And hearing from you and others that I'm doing something right supplies me the courage I need when the tank is empty. And for that I'm forever grateful.
Thank you for your P.S! A lot of you have been really patient. I think i'm the one who is restless, because I also can't wait to see the end. So, I'll try to relax more and take things slow if I need to. And yeah! I'm feeling better. I actually went cycling this morning for an hour. Still gasping for air, but at least I finally got some exercise!
Take care of yourself too <3
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Just keep writing ;
I blacked out lastnight, lol. I wasn’t scared to ask about how I was tho, I wasn’t scared to watch the videos, well I was scared, but I look really really happy but also kinda annoying lol. Apparently I was skulling the tequila, I don’t even have a memory of that. I don’t have much of a memory of anything, I hate that. I’m okay with my choice, my choices, I’m still going up. I’m excited to see 8 months again, getting into my normal routine was very hard this morning, my rooms still not clean, I’m getting thru it tho, washing my sheets, had a really nice shower washed my hair, and keeping my thoughts positive. I’m so grateful today for my body, for all I put it through, I’m also sorry to my body, I’m sorry to myself for filling it with toxins for no one’s benefit but my egos, im sorry for breaking my streak, I’m grateful that I restarted it. I feel a lot better knowing I wasn’t a dickhead and probably just embarrassed myself a little bit lol. That’s what I feel, embarrassed, my dad said he was disappointed in me for drinking, but he keeps me positive and on the right track. I feel like when I don’t remember things, and I black out, I feel anxious not knowing what I did, and how bizzare is it that I literally cannot remember a single thing, it’s ridiculous, I feel like I can use my experience as like a study on myself, which is what I enjoy doing a lot, look at everything from a science perspective lol. It’s fun.
I’m completely powerless over alcohol. I don’t feel like myself, but I’m still glad I drank, because I’m using it as a stepping stone, a learning curve. Makes me not want to drink again, not in a party. Not with my cousins, not in someone’s back yard, I know what I don’t want by doing them, and proving them.like a science experiment, I really don’t feel like myself at all. I want to live the life I’ve always wanted since a kid, I want success, I want to be a writer, I want to be stable, I want to play sports, I want to be healthy. I have all these issues but I also have hope, persistence, and faith in myself and my universe.
I feel like things don’t exist unless I write them, like i don’t pay attention to it unless I write it. And I have this horrible feeling in my stomach, that writing somehow fixes. My words to me are more important than anything else, and my investments to myself every single day do not fail to show improvements. I love who I am, I love where I’m going, my favourite food right now is roast potatoes, with lots of salt lmao.
Thank you god for the peace.
I’m also disappointed in myself a little bit because I let myself get to a point where I wasn’t thinking about anything else, completely powerless when it comes to alcohol. Good news is that I don’t need it, so being without it isint hard. I’m embarrassed at how drunk and sloppy I got. I’m extremely clumsy when drunk, probs coz my soul is not in my body lmao. I’m finding it easier to not smoke weed today, probs coz I still have alcohol in my system. I feel reset? In a good way, I’m letting go of everything, I wasn’t in my body last night, I don’t know where I go, I know it’s just like a switch In my brain but like spiritually speaking I don’t believe I was in my body. And I went away somewhere, roaming the endless black space until my body called for me back. I could have died. I’m an absolute beast when I’m blacked out, this is a good time to continue step 4…. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. Its hard to crack that one open, but idc as long as I’m writing. The fearless thing is what I can’t seem to shake, I’m scared. Uncomfortable, embarrassed. But fuck it, idc how I feel, lol. Just keep writing.
I feel born again, when I come back to my body with no memory. It’s scary. I don’t know what’s going on, how I got home…. My body is sore and I feel sick, I’m so excited to be sober again. Lol, thought I’d never hear the words…. I like what I do, I have so many goals, im literally doing the best I can which is amazing I’m doing so well, I’m not gonna let this effect me negatively at all. I’m so grateful. I feel very grateful for my awareness. I’m so happy with my writings, as rough as they are…. Am I even an alcoholic? Lol no I’m not, I’m not addicted to that feeling. Drinking stops a lot of feelings and makes me feel happy, but it’s not real, I’m not there. My ego is having a fkn field day lmao yanno what she deserved it she’s amazing too, now I realise I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I have a choice, everytime, and I make the right ones everytime. Every choice and decision is the right one that benefits me the most. I believe that. I love my messy writing. My handwriting is so beautiful and I get compliments all the time. I don’t even say the B word anymore. Even tho I feel it, I don’t say it, I’m not B word, I started saying ‘I need inspiration’ instead of the B word, honestly it didn’t really work lol, so I just stopped saying anything that might be negative in anyway lmaooo. I can’t be B word with time, appreciate the moment your in.
I’m listening to Tylers new album, fkn slaps of course, I appreciate the effort that goes into an album like Tylers, i have to give it up to Tyler every time, the discography is an art museum and of course I heard bastard. The first piano chord drew me in like pretreated carrying treats. Lol. Then I said to myself… fuck is he speaking to me? BLESSED just to played for the first time, beautiful. And I totally agree
Writing has also helped me to think more positively, because I only want to write positively, or like in a positive nature, my drug & alcohol therapist doesn’t think it’s a good idea lol. She wants me to keep it real, but I do keep it real… I’m just positive about it, hopefully I can finally let that thought go aswell lol it stays in my head coz I got triggered when she said that.
Not trying to impress anyone is so hard for me sometimes it’s all I think about. Always thinking about other people’s thoughts on me. Why, because I can’t have it? Lol. A child. I’m also grateful to my body for not being super dramatic after drinking, usually my mania and anxiety decided to rip thru life while I’m still getting rid of the alcohol that in my body, piss, shit or vomit it out. I thought I didn’t have a bad hangover because I didn’t drink much. But considering I was skulling the tequila I’m very grateful I didn’t have a killer headache, and almost die of death, I felt good enough to be able to look after myself and I did just that. Thank you for taking care of me. I love and trust you very much. The world is beautiful and life is truly amazing. Just like Tyler’s new album lol, thank you so much Tyler for dropping this masterpiece and making my life a little better. If writing is all I do today, I’ve done enough. Though I should study today.
I’m probably gonna be single forever so I’m just looking for someone funny to have around lol. Kind of like a boyfriend but not my boyfriend, lol. I’m single by CHOICE my guy, i have em lined up.. nah I’m kidding I’m a wallflower… nah I’m not… because I don’t want to be ahahahah. I need to remember that I didn’t ruin anything because I chose to drink. Imagine how gross it smells inside your body…. Ew lol, coz like my room smelt like roast potatoes before, and I just finished the potatoes and now I can’t smell it anymore… coz I swallowed the smell…. Hahahahaah wtf, I don’t feel myself living my head, I feel myself living in the moment, I feel so different, my mind feels different, i think I may have cracked the code lol. I can’t live someone else’s life, and I can’t try. I must work on my own life, for my own reasons. I’m very excited to receive my ‘big book’ that a church organisation donated to me.
I don’t have a desire to be ‘locked in’ with anybody. I’m so happy to be single, I’m comfortable being single, I don’t like anyone else :) that was such a hard and long lesson to learn, but I genuinely am so happy on my own, adding a person into my life stresses me out, and no one is worth it to me.
‘Sobriety is everything alcohol promised me’ ha, beautiful.
Music is also very important in my life, the type of music is also important, I don’t listen to bullshit anymore. I listen to art. I see music as art, I treat it as art, I appreciate it like art.
I could have really hurt myself last night…. I need to be more careful. I gave in, but I’m okay and I’m starting again now… maybe I needed this day, like I needed to get snapped back into reality, my beautiful reality. I’m not a bad person, I have been but that’s not who I am. I’m not an anxious person, I’m not a depressed person, I’m not an idiot. I’m confident, I’m happy, I’m free, I’m sensitive, I’m maternal, I’m a safe place. I’m know I’m gonna be rich soon. I need to be more assertive, I need to work on that. Because I’m too scared to do anything to talk to anyone, but I need to otherwise I won’t get anything. I need to pull up to my job and get some hours so I can do what I what I’m already doing, but better. I’m already doing everything I want to do, I’m studying my ass off, I’m writing everyday, I’m so happy with myself.
Stop trying to be someone you’re not. You’re weird, it’s safe to be weird. Be happy with your uniqueness, don’t ever forget your gorgeous inside and out. I love the fucking way I write it’s so refreshing and funny lol. Maybe I’m the only one but I’m funny.
I obviously have to be on the same page with someone in order to be in a relationship with them, and I’m just not on these bitches page, yanno I think im a completely different book, that’s why I never fit these standards, im different. Different than ‘normal’ im different, im not bad because im different. I can only sleep with someone if they’re my friend and make me laugh hahahahaha. Doesn’t exist mate, therefore, I don’t sleep with anyone hahaah. Just be me man, just be me. I feel real life right now. I’ve been super gentle with myself today, it’s rough but I’m still smiling
The absolute best thing I can do for myself is write it out. Write it out. RIDE IT OUT. IVE LITERALLY BEEN SAYING RIDE IT OUT EVERY TIME I FEEL BOMBARDED WITH EMOTIONS, which I haven’t actually had a problem with for a while…. I’m super medicated, oh speaking of medication, I’m running low on weed, ahhhh. Nah lol I’m not really freaking out about that either. I guess I might.. nah I won’t even say it.. well I kinda just did fam, lol, I don’t believe it tho, that’s crackhead moments, I don’t freak out over no weed, writing actually takes me away just as well. Even better because of all its benefits. Ugh they’re the same hhaahahah omg I love writing as much as I love weed bro, wawwww I’ve come so far, I really really have. I don’t freak out over having no weed now**** as in, im gonna try not freak out tomorrow when it’s gone, and come to writing instead. Slow down. I’m a completely different person compared to the person I was yesterday morning. Everything has changed, everything has shifted, I’m on new grounds, I know everything is working out for me. I’ve avoided the computer all day, my room was a pigsty when I woke up. I have fresh sheets now :)
Im back at the computer hehe, its a mess over here. Brb. even just a small genuine conversation with myself, is so loved, I can barely hear or think its so crowded, its like I’m confused, but when everything slows down, I can actually see my thoughts as clouds because nothing else matters. I can hear myself think, I think thats what I’m trying to say lol. Its a nice noise. The quiet. The simpleness of it all, I love all my moments, I’m okay with every moment, and every version of myself that presents itself. Ummmmm…. I feel like writing I’m suicidal, sometimes those kind of feelings just don’t shake they just keep coming back, its uncomfortable, and hard to resist the pros, which is ; I don’t have to feel that any more. I know not to act, I have learnt not to try and act, its not my exit. But it gets dangerous for me, and so when I’m suicidal, the hospital would be the best place, I feel safe locked away by myself, nurses are nice and patients are friendly. Lol, I loved my last stay in the hospital, I wrote a lot when I was in there, I really enjoyed being alone, I felt safe with my nurse, I felt safe in my room, I felt free, I was writing, I was sober (forcefully) but I loved it, I jus needed to be alone and have someone come check on me and give me meds like I was living the life tbh. It was amazing, and I left, because my mum told me to, and went to work Monday like nothing happened. That is where I went wrong, I left the hospital, if I had just stayed, who knows my entire life might have been different, coz once I left, I had the most manic episode lasting a solid 3-4 months. heavily drinking nearly every single day, I was doing 4 day benders one day off. I didn’t even get sick it was like I got the right to drink because I didn’t get hungover and I was high functioning. I would love to sit at the table with her. I was always outside on the fkn table, getting pissed. With my ini now folks, lol. Jesus, lol. I was the stereotypical Maori on the piss all the fun time, a messsssss, a mess. I couldn’t even imagine the kind of things I would have done, not remembering at all. I didn’t care about anything, I had no thoughts, I had no worries, I had money, like I was living it the fuck up, in the bush land lol, some crazy memories from that episode, the crash was hard, oof. I am not a violent person, but liquor does something to me, I guess my ego gets hurt and I switch and I’m violent. Its a very hard switch to switch when I’m sober, or smoking, like I’m never mad like that with anyone, its easy to flip when I’m drunk.i think I needed to get drunk, to write this, to write everything I ever write in the future, its a big ripple effect I have created, and I’m so excited.
I didn’t think we would ever move from my small town in New Zealand. so moving countries, took a big toll on me, I remember specifically asking my mum as a child if we were moving countries and she said she would never, and then its like a couple months later and I have to say goodbye to everything I know, I just finished primary school and was headed to intermediate and go to the school I have always wanted to go to, the school I couldn’t wait to go to, all my friends were going, it was going to be perfect. It was far from perfect, my transition between the two countries it was a culture shock. I was so confused but I was very happy to be with my family, at least I still had my family. For a little bit before I went through puberty and got sexually assaulted by a family member. Which I think I’m healed enough to talk about, I’m still very confused about it, Im still trying to figure out how to heal fully, or just be okay in my truth, yes its uncomfortable, its not my fault. But lets look at the things I can do; react differently. Not using my thoughts to cover my pain. There are many different versions of me to go back to and help. I have the ability to. I can be the one thats there for me… at least I know ill show up, lol. Show up for yourself every single day.
I really have been writing all day, my title makes me want to not stop, its kind of a good hack,
#blogging#new blog#mental health#actually bipolar#actually borderline#mental instability#actually bpd#original post#original writing#original words#alcohol#alcoholic
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January 19, 2023 - 3:11 AM
Hello. After not posting for the longest time, I am back again. Not to rant, but to pray and talk to God. I am no saint & it's been really really bad. my relationship with the Lord right now is on the rocks and I've continued to badmouth him which im not proud of. by the start of the new year, i tried to be a good child - told myself i should be more optimistic and my greatest resolution for this year? to be a kind person coz i feel like thats the hardest thing to do as life tries to shoot me in the head with all these lifewrecking asshole shenanigans that i face on the daily. I was doing better. For a long time, I was trying not to curse - which I think has lessened but still at times I still cant help but find comfort at screaming bitching words in my head. For a while, thought I was doing good & progressing to becoming a better person with clean thoughts, full of hope, & faith. but then you know, life doesn't really go your way for the most part and unexpected things almost always happen - the good and the bad stuff. I don't vividly recall anymore how I got here but it got bad, like really bad. I was having episodes of mental break down every night and there's not a day that I don't cry. whats even worse is that i just spend every day on my phone trying to distract myself drom the merciless and negative thoughts lurking in my mind. I am still here with my family but it doesnt feel like it. Ive been gone long before. I dont even go out of my room and eat with them or watch tv. i dont. i just go out if i want to kidnap my niece who doesnt really want my kisses and cuddles. i dont even take care of myself as much as normal people do. and as much as i should. i dont take a bath and brush my teeth let alone look myself in the mirror in a day just because it feels exhausting for me. the normal routine a normal person does feels too heavy for me. thats how bad it has gotten. but yeah going back to trying to speak to the Lord - I just wanna say that i just hope my one and only dream that i sincerely desire and is deeply planted in my heart is still in line with what's meant for me. they say that it's meant for you if it gives you peace but thats not whats been going on. going back last year, the best thing happened to me - i got a job offer abroad which ive been dreaming for years!!! and whats even greater is that its an opp in London, of all the cities in the world, a door has opened for me in one of the brightest and richest places in the world. what a dream right? I was so grateful I couldnt ask for more and I was so happy to share the good news with my mom which made her also vv happy for sure. I prepared for the interview and had a whole long month of interviews. fast forward to processing the documents, i noticed my old phone was not in my possession anymore. as a memory hoarder myself, i found out that my mom gave my niece's nanny the permission to own that phone thats why she brought it back to her hometown. now all my pics & vids are lost which totally wrecked me. Thats how i got back to square one. became distant & angry with my mom & that nanny living in our house. up until now, havent gotten back the strong relationship with the Lord that I had built when he fulfilled my bigtime dream. But i was able to fully recover & heal from letting go of the memories I made with that phone - the nanny was gone but I wish her nothing but well although I mistreated her because of what happened. fast forward to today, i really dont know why things are happening the way they are now because i thought by now that fulfilled dream must have already come to fruition. i thought by now i was already living the london dream and going places. but still here i am waiting for what feels like so close yet so far. Lord, i really hope this is still meant for me. please let this be meant for me. ive shed billions of tears, got empty after being so empty, lost all my faith in every little thing & was so so so fed up. ive survived & still surviving the growing pains of this waiting game so please let there be light at the end of the tunnel.
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This is not a question but i just saw the previous ask with that one rude anon and just felt like I had to do something about it because there is 2 things I genuinely despise in this world ,the first one being rude , inconsiderate and dishonest people and yes I’m talking about you Anon if you by any chance see this and the second being unfair accusations or situations now I will explain myself with diplomacy and actual facts to prove my point , you should take some exemple anon ,on how to bring a situation that bothers you to someone ,while still being polite and respectful.
You accuse chelle of being neglectful and no having enough time for her followers right ? I’m gonna reveal something to you , not everybody spend their entire day on the internet , mind blowing right ? It’s funny because if you would have looked further and was really interested not only about the author work but the author herself as well you would have known she has a little girl of a young age to take care of , hence why she can’t spend a whole day on the internet like a person with “no responsibility” such as a child could.
To continue , I would like for you to explain to me how is she being neglectful when she answers to asks literally everyday , I kid you not when I’m telling she is by far the author that interact the most with her community on here and I follow more than 50 authors/writers , she do asks , little games with emojis that allow us to ask her stuff and know more about her when she is not obliged at all and could stay completely private like some author i know do, she listens to everyone and I could continue like that all day long but still you couldn’t notice it since you were to focused on making false accusation and attacking her.
You keep on insisting about her taking to much time to answer to ask and more , do you have any idea of the amount of authors/writers that don’t even respond to comments or anything on here or even wattpad and don’t interact with their community at all ? And those who post maybe 3 times a month ? Im NOT saying everybody as to be quick at all or post everyday I’m nobody to exige anything to anyone but I’m juste showing you some reality chelle post maybe 1 or twice a week at least ,please be for real .And i will go further on this by saying so many authors give us amazing stories /fics etc ,to have little to no feedback in exchange or shitty ones and critics , when they put so much work on their posts , they are people to with feelings and lives.
To finish you said you weren’t attacking her right ? I kindly I vite you to reread you previous ask because you were clearly hostile even tho you claimed than you weren’t and word choices weren’t the nicest nor the smartest.
Learn to be better , to be nicer more respectful and have consideration for others you don’t know what’s going on on somebody’s life so don’t assume nor demand anything when you don’t have all the pieces of a story in you hands it’s just rude and unfair.
Have a nice evening and I truly hope my “ask” will make you think about the way you treat people because being behind the screen doesn’t allow everything nor excuse every behavior.
Hello Kay!
Wow, i'm speechless. This is amazing. I cant thank u enough for taking some of ur time to write this n to show ur support on my side. I almost cried reading this.
All the sweet amazing supporting things u write here really got me. I know we dont talk that much but i appreicate u a.lot for every reactions u gave me on my fic updates, ask games or just any ask / message u sent me. This means a lot to me.
I hope we can be friends 😊 u r very sweet and awesome! Im grateful for u and other friends i met here.
Cheerio!
#chellez answers#ask answered#keyb792#sweet asks#thank you so much#you are very sweet#i almost cried
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Submissions from Schemes
As per your request I am publishing your submissions, Schemes. There's nothing this blog can do about the actions taken against your account. That was a decision made by staff - not me, or any of the users who posted here. Evidence posted on this blog has never before been used to ban anyone, so we can only logically assume that staff acted on other information. If you would like to explain that situation to us I will publish what you have to say.
My priority is Rescreatu. I'm honestly not that interested in anyone's character. I want to see Rescreatu thrive again. I want justice for the users who have been wrongfully banned. I want it to be a fair playing field, where everyone is held to the same rules and staff are accountable for their actions. I want to help staff restore the faith and trust users need to have in the site in order for it to be successful and fun again.
You have an opportunity here to change the narrative entirely. You could become a hero overnight if you chose to share what you know and expose what has been going on. You would most likely be listened to by Patrick, too, and could change Rescreatu for the better. I know for a fact you would find allies on staff as well, who are looking for someone who will step up and confront these issues. It's not too late and I will be your first ally if you choose to do the right thing.
As a side note, Tumblr does not give me access to the emails used for long submissions. I've also never published anything I've received in a DM without permission. I don't send harassing messages, it's not productive. I invited you to DM the blog because I wanted to give you a chance to discuss this before I posted what you wrote (which I genuinely feel will not give the impression to users that you hope it will).
Without further ado, here is what Schemes (as far as I know) has submitted to the blog, hopefully in order. I will not be compiling any other messages submitted like this in short format (it's too much work - please use the long submission form - I'm not censoring you, I'm just asking you to follow guidelines).
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heyaaaaa to my fans I'll make this perfectly clear, if my tu was taken because of something shady, I would have never publicly spoke about it on the SB and make myself look "bad" where I know everyone clocks my every movement and watches me like a tv show. you know I'm smarter than that atleast I'd hope so! Now that im not staff I can comment on this hate blog but my peace and happiness / mental health is worth more than trying to prove to people who have already decided they dislike me. bye now
PS as per my last post, if I REALLY did something bad EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN WIPED FROM MY ACCOUNT. just saying. and there's no way i would have been unbanned in 1 day. -schemes/khione. now I'm done I promise. And to those who have been defending me, thank you. I really am grateful
Schemes again, few months ago I wrote to you guys, and explained how my mental health was deteriorating and requested the removal of false and personal information about me etc. not sure if you guys did, but here we go again with this, baseless lies and bullying. I tried to [censored] myself over this blog. Now if I sue for emotional trauma I would be wrong right? Bc I have the means, professionals and the proof to do so. please don't say if it bothered so much to ignore the blog it's never that ez
I gave up the achromatic omni amongst other colored galta to try to make people see that I really was moving with geniune intentions. I now realize that was stupid and I should've kept them because y'all got something to say in a bad manner about me anyway. I should just get it back LOL. Not being staff any longer is such a relief I can now actually say stuff I feel
Unfortunately I don't have a tumblr account. If you don't want to post my truth and continue to make me look bad, and allow people to assassinate my character to control the narrative, just say that. Nor am I going to make a tumblr account just for this. Just keep in mind what I said on anon. - Schemes/Khione
I don't need to talk to my friends. My friends know my truth. But here's another truth, you're pathetic and a bully. Karma is real, so it's fine. You don't have to post what I said. I have a clear head, I just don't see why my posts won't be submitted. Why would I post a long submission, so you can have my email and harass me some more? No thanks. Like I said, if this continues I'll be taking legal action. I've been letting the bullying slide for too long. Take that however you want.
Maybe you need a break from this blog. You feed of the bullying of others and drama and the hate. Does it fuel you? I'll pray for you. obviously this is schemes again. I'm sure you'll post this though. Again, bc u want people to think I'm a horrible person. You pick and choose what to post, it's really sad. I think you're the one who needs to take a break from this blog. It's only going to ruin you.
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PS - I will resume posting your submissions this evening or tomorrow when I have time. I wanted to allow some time for everyone to catch up.
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August..
wow, I cant believe its been a year nearly since I almost lost my life, what a year it has been, I've thought about this a lot in the last few days for at least 15 years or so all I wanted was to die, I woke up every single day asking God to take my life.. I never would have imagined the change I've had in a year the growth Ive made for myself. I’m afraid of death now honestly, even though I know where im going when I die, but I thank God every morning I open my eyes now, I cant wait for the future if you had asked me a year ago if I thought the last year would be what it has been I probably would have said you were insane.. nah that day I had full intentions for my plan to work, but I call it my true second chance at life, I could never imagine the pain I've caused my parents and siblings over the years and I'm truly sorry for the things I've done in my past but I hope they see the difference in the person I was a year ago and the person I am now. I've got such love for myself even on days that are hard I'm so proud of the strength I have to continue to grow as a human each and every single day, last year was a really hard year for my family in general we lost my moms sister, great grandmother and then my moms mother... and I think about it now and I'm like if I had died last august they would have lost me as well.. it takes time to heal all wounds, the progress I've made with my parents & my relationship I would have been laughing at the thought of it a year ago... I truly can talk to my parents about any and everything. they say for people like me its better after we go through something like that to not be in a serious relationship but I don’t agree with that based on I truly believe I hit that rock bottom so I could meet the love of my life and that is truly HAILEY.. she has helped me become so confident in the person I am every single day, I'm learning how to stand up for myself in healthy ways not just continue to be bullied every single day like I was before, I've learned that i’m happier wearing mens clothing with a splash of make up and jewelry, I love to wear hats and I rock the confidence I have, no I'm not saying i’m perfect nobody is because I still have days that are hard and that have been hard but instead of going to old habits I actually try and find the good in every bad situation. I try and learn from my mistakes instead of repeating them. my advice to those that struggle each and every single day is please don’t make a permanent decision because of something temporary going on in your life, my life could have ended last year and I would have missed so much, I would have never meet Hailey, I wouldn't have figured out who I am, I wouldn't know what I know now, I’m so grateful for my second chance...Im sure my family is, i feel things so much deeper than most but I don’t carry it as a burden anymore I own it, I own every single feeling that comes along, I feel it and I let it out. I don't allow other people to control how I feel or what I say or when I say it anymore... some people may not understand me to this day but they don’t have to they just should be my support they should love me regardless of what is going on with me, and those who are around me regularly support me, I've gained friends and I've lost friends, over all I've learned that life isn't easy and you just have to cope you have to keep going even if it's hard... all in all I can say my journey is something special I'm blessed to be the person I am every single day. I love me for me..
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