#ill go cry in a corner thinking of this man btw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ptergwen · 3 years

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hi! i was thinking 'bout, um, maybe you can write a imagine or blurb in which tom and reader are couple, and reader is sick, and tom take care of her and it’s just full of fluff

btw i love your work on tumblr!!! ❤️🥺

thank you love <3333 i adore this concept ugh

“oh, darling,” tom coos as he reads the thermometer. he’d insisted on using it, his hand not being an accurate enough measure. it’s still warm from being under your tongue. “you have a fever.” “thought so,” you smile weakly at him. the corners of his lips twitch down in concern.

you should’ve known you were getting sick when your body heat overpowered tom’s. he’s a toaster in bed next to you every night. you’d guessed the blankets were too thick or maybe your period was on its way. then, you woke up with a headache and scratchy throat. you could barely respond to tom’s love, you’re burning up.

as a result, you’re under the covers with a damp washcloth while your adorably attentive boyfriend sits at the edge of the bed. on your side, obviously. he’s not leaving it until you’re better.

tom brushes back some hair from your face, eyes scanning over you. he taps your cheek with the back of his hand. “i’ll get you some tylenol, hm?” his voice is soft, calming. you nod and press the washcloth harder against your forehead. “a big glass of water, too.” he swings his legs over the bed, not without another look at you.

“you’re not hungry, are you?” you don’t answer. you’re preoccupied with grinning at tom, at how much he genuinely cares about your well-being. “i know fevers make you lose your appetite, but maybe a piece of toast-“ you cut off his rambling with a gentle, “tom, i’m fine.” “you’re sure?” he waits for you to confirm before he gets up.

“yeah, but thanks though,” you laugh out, which quickly turns into coughing. the smile turns into a pout. tom gives your thigh a squeeze and stands from the bed. “i’ll bring you tea as well. sit tight for me.” he’s on his way to the kitchen in the blink of an eye.

well, it’s technically a blink because you fall asleep in the time he’s gone.

tom comes back with everything he’d promised to not too much later. he didn’t want to make more than one trip, so there’s a water bottle stuffed under his arm and his lip between his teeth. he carefully sets down the tea first, then the tylenol and water. he’d thought about making you the toast just in case, but had a feeling you wouldn’t want it.

he chuckles to himself at your sleeping figure. your washcloth is drooping down over your eyes, mouth hanging open. he’s going to feel bad about waking you up, since you didn’t have the best sleep last night. you do really need the medicine, though.

“love,” tom speaks lowly, kneeling at the side of the bed. “i’m back, love,” he tries again and rubs your arm. you suddenly bolt up, the washcloth falling into your lap. you’re a bit out of it from the fever. tom takes the waschcloth off of you, putting his hand on the wet spot it made. “it’s alright. you’re okay,” he assures you and grabs the bottle of tylenol.

the roles are usually reversed in this situation. tom gets sick really easily, especially when he’s between filming. you stay there with him no matter how ill he gets, eventually making him feel all better. that’s up to him to do for you now. he feels like he could cry at any moment, seeing you so unwell out of no where. he’ll do whatever it takes to get you back, the real you.

you watch as tom opens up the tylenol and shakes two into his hand. he then holds it out to you. “these should make your fever go down.” “thanks,” your voice comes out gravelly for a mix of reasons. you pop them both in your mouth at once, tom handing you the bottle of water to swallow. his eyebrows furrowing, he stands up again.

“let me feel.” he reaches for your forehead, his features settling as he does so. you look up at him with glossy eyes. “the washcloth seemed to help. you’re still hot, though.” “nice of you to say,” you attempt to joke, clearing your throat after. tom leans down and brushes his lips against your forehead.

“how about some lighter clothes? shorts?” he’s already off to your dresser before you respond. you slowly pick up your tea, taking a sip while tom gathers a change of pajamas for you. being this level of sick doesn’t have any upsides, except for him. he makes you feel like things will turn out okay soon enough.

tom comes back over with a t-shirt and sleep shorts. “here, i’ll help you.” he holds them in his arm and uses his other to sit you up. “thanks again, tommy.” you manage another smile at him. you’ll have to tell him how grateful you are for this when it won’t hurt to say it. even if you don’t get the chance, he already knows.

you pull at the bottom of your current shirt. it’s clinging to your body, so tom assists you in tugging it over your head. in a joined effort, you replace it with the thin t-shirt he got you. next comes your bottoms. tom gets onto his knees and pulls them down your legs. there’s not a thing this man won’t do for you.

sniffling out a laugh, you let him slide the shorts up your legs. you fix them so they’re more comfortable as he leaves a loving kiss on your ankle. he isn’t able to kiss your lips at the moment. he doesn’t mind getting creative.

“better?” tom asks you, standing from the floor. “a lot. thank you,” you murmur and lie back down, propped against the pillows. he gives you a humble shake of his head and hands you your tea to finish. “y/n, you don’t have to keep thanking me. it’s what i’m here for.” looking at him over the brim of your mug, you sigh into your tea. that earns a toothy grin from him.

you swallow your last sip, tom taking the mug from you and putting it down. “if it’s okay, can we cuddle?” you yawn your question and lay down for real. the pillows accommodate you by squishing down. the sight spreads a warmth throughout tom. a good warmth, unlike yours.

“absolutely.”

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #tom holland fic #peter parker

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imhereforvibesandkneecaps · 3 years

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Run and hide

Jock bully Sero x y/n

Inspired by @miggiisdumb (Ily queen❤❤)

Warnings : sex, primal play, blood, overstimulation, drug use +18

MNI DO NOT INTERACT YOU LIL SHITS

you ran, you had to. You didn't know why you agreed to this, you were just sitting on your couch only an hour ago, with your roommate Mina, who dragged you to a party. At the party, the host of it, Bakugo, had the grand idea of playing a game of truth or dare. A pretty stupid idea, you thought to yourself. But he was drunk so that might've been the reason he came up with this dumb idea. A bunch of people sat in a circle, you sitting next to Mina. Bakugo was setting the rules up, and you weren't listening. You had been spacing out for maybe ten minutes, until you noticed Mina elbowing you in the ribs. It jolted you out of your day dream to start paying attention to your surroundings. You noticed that one of bakugo's friends was pointing at you, with a big grin on his face. He had black hair tied up in a small ponytail and a piercing on his eyebrow. He wore a black hair of sweatpants and a jacket he got from being on the basketball team. He had dark eyes, with his scleras red from smoking weed. "Y/n. You got about an hour to avoid me around the campus."

"what?" You ask cluelessly. It was clear you hadn't been paying attention, at all. "And if you find me?" Mina sighed loudly.

"you're not allowed to ask, its his choice. If you had paid attention you would've known. Now go! You got about five minutes to hide!" She squealed happily. She pushed you up and out of the house. You were still dumbfounded. You came to the realization that they might've just kicked you out of the house because you were being boring. You sighed, annoyed and just started walking towards your hoise, because Mina drove you guys here. You started walking, but you felt some sort of anxiety, so you checked your phone to see the time. It was 1:43 am, you left the house two minutes ago by now. You started to walk A little faster, being a bit paranoid. You started to text Mina, embarrassed and angry. 'If you wanted me to leave you could've just asked instead of embarrassing me in front of anyone.' You pressed send and sighed, annoyed. About two minutes later you got a text back 'gurl, you better start running, Sero is about to leave the house to get you.' You scoff and text her back 'haha real funny asshole, just know when I get home I aint helping you with setting up your room anymore.' You check the time again. 1:47 am. You feel even more anxious, and Mina texts back, scaring you a bit. "He just left the house, you got about an hour Y/n good luck!" You almost yell, you're annoyed that she keeps going on with this stupid bit, but you still feel this feeling of unease around you. "Yeah sure, fuck you and your friends. " you put your phone in your pocket and keep walking. You hear a noise behind you and you snap your head back quickly behind you. There was nothing, you sigh and scold yourself for being paranoid. You keep walking to your house until you're maybe a block away from it. You go and text Mina again 'yeah, I don't see your little friend around here. Thanks for making me walk home btw🖕' you shove your phone in your pocket and keep walking. You hear a ding from your phone, she texts back 'you're no fun! And he is, you don't have to believe me until he gets you. Have fun, btw he thinks you're cute so I hope you think he is too.' You sigh and just look at the time. 2:03 am. Whatever, you shouldn't care. You get closer to your house until you hear a sound of footsteps behind you. You look behind you and see nothing, and take a deep breath. "No one is there, dumbass." You mumble to your self

"well now y/n you sound like bakugo right now. Don't know if it fits you chica." You freeze. Holy shit. You turn around to face Sero. He had a grin on his face still, but it seemed to be a bit darker. "Ill count to ten before I start running after you, Mi Amor." He whispers. You were still frozen, your face heating up. "Uno....dos..." He starts counting. You start running past him. He's now on 5, you keep running. Now were in the present, you're still running as fast as you can. You get to your house, but you know you can't make it through the front door, you didn't have a key and the password would waste time. So you go for the backdoor. You go through the fence door to the back yard and to the backdoor. You feel a sense of a relief. Until you see the reflection on you on the glass on the door... And Sero's. Your blood runs cold. You try to open the door but its too late. He grabs you roughly and slams you against the grass of your backyard. "Should've been faster Chica." He says darkly.

"get off of me you Fuck!" You yell. This doesn't stop him, it fuels him more now. He grabs his phone and takes a photo of you and him. You feel humiliated and scared, and slightly.... Aroused?

"no can do Chica. I won, you were too slow, so I get to do what I want now. " he says with a smile. You look at him taking off his jacket, he had a black wife beater on. Fuck he looked good on him. You were just glad that the back porch lights were on. "Relax pretty girl, ill make it enjoyable." He whispers in your ear, sensually. You can feel your breath hitch as he starts to peel off your leggings. You feel yourself getting more aroused. Fuck, this can't be happening. He slid his hands down to your bare thighs. "fuck, so fucking sexy Chica. Can't wait to taste." You heard a ripping noise and felt your wrists being tied up. He sat you up against the backdoor. Your bottom now exposed to this feral looking man. He looked you straight in your eyes and without a warning shove two fingers in your cunt. You let a squeal of surprise " well, I need to prep you darling. " you glare at him "hey don't get mad at me, you lost." He grinned. He started to curl his fingers. You felt yourself tightening against this new feeling, You arch your back as a result. "You're so pretty like this." He coos

"fuck you asshole." You say breathlessly.

"that's the plan sweetheart." He throws your legs over his shoulders out of nowhere. You felt a soft tongue against your clit. You gasped and twitch at the feeling. "Fuck, so fucking good." He murmers something in Spanish that you couldn't understand and starts to suck against your folds. This makes you moan out loud and buck your hips, god why did it have to feel so good? He Slurped and sucked against your cunt, happy you were moaning, knowing it was a sign he was doing it right. You were sopping wet at this point and your eyes were brimming with tears. He kept kissing your cunt. "Good girl, wanna cum? Wanna cum for me, like a pretty little slut?" He asked, shoving his fingers in and out of you. You whine and nod your head vigourusly, you felt so close to coming. You needed to, you needed to cum so badly.

"please, fuck, please Sero." You beg, like a dumb slut. He pulls out his fingers, you were so close, so so so close. You start to cry. "You jerk! I was so fucking close" you cry out, this earns you a harsh slap against the ass. You hiss at the pain. He lays you down and starts to pull down his pants, you felt so hot and airy now.

"calm down chica, you will." He Pulls down his underwear and his cock springs free, slapping against his stomach, it was long and thick. You were worried it wasn't gonna fit. He rubs his hands against your cunt, making you squeal again, and rubs your juices against his cock. He positions himself against your cunt and puts one hand on your face. "This might hurt." He whispers. With no warning he shoves himself in, immediately bottoming out. You short circuit a little as your body clenched around his intrusion. He groans happily and starts chuckling "fuck yeah" he mutters breathlessly. "so fucking tight, Im gonna fucking ruin you, you sweet little bitch." He grabs you by the hair and starts pounding into you, you moan and scream with every thrust. He would bite against your neck and legs and ripped off your shirt like an animal. He dove right for your breasts while still pounding you without even slowing down. He licked and but at your nipples harshly and slapped your ass anytime you cussed. You were covered in hickeys and bite marks, which some of them even bled, which he licked obviously. You felt so close again, you wanted to grab him but your arms were tied up, so you lay your head against his chest.

"please let me cum.." you whisper in his ear, this made him even more feral. He started to pound into you harder. You felt him bite against your shoulder really hard as he pushed into you, he sounded like he was growling almost.

"Wanna fucking cum? Wanna cum like the little slut you are? Ill let you cum pretty girl." You felt him bully your cervix even harder until you squirted everwhere, on his stomach, both of your guy's thighs and the floor. You moan out weakly from your high and you hear him huff. He went back to pounding you though. "wait! S-Sero! I just came I ca-" he silences you with another slap to the ass, that was definitely gonna leave a mark.

"you wanted to fucking cum right, Mi amor? Well your gonna cum until you can't fucking talk and Im gonna cum until Im all out, got it?" You nodded helplessly as he pummels into you relentlessly he made you cum god knows how many times now, and you couldn't talk anymore and everything was hazy. Your body was covered in hand prints, bruises, hickeys and bite marks. Once he finally came, his moan sounded so angelic to your ears. You felt his warmth in you, it was so thick and hot, and you wanted it all in your tummy, which he was planning on doing. He grabs you by the neck and slams into you again, this goes on for god knows how long until you two are finally fucked out. By this point the sun was starting to come up and you could hear Mina's car pull up. You didn't care at this point and you and sero looked at the fence and saw Mina poke her head of the corner and made eye contact with both of tou. You two were both completely naked and she covers her eyes and yells,

"I told you I wasn't lying!" Sero started to chuckle and finally released your hands and rubbed your wrists. "good work MI amor. Next time we do this, try to run faster though, its fun watching you get scared." He then kissed your wrist and put on his sweatpants and brought you inside the house, you still being completely naked and walked past Mina. He brought you to your room and laid you on the bed and kissed your head and whispered loving words to you as you fell asleep. You gotta thank Mina for dragging you to that party after all.

IM FINISHED HELL YEAH!!

Tags : @miggiisdumb

#sero x yn #bnhasmut

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

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I only showed him the one u sent before. I screenshot ur answers and then look at it when i switch. but I'll show him the other two.

well for me it's just that only my recent ex was actually nice and loving. before him; every single one of them told me; I was either boring or annoying and always made me feel like everything was my fault. so yeah. I am actually pretty confident now but I struggle with those negative thoughts still.

well it's like not the same phone? it's a copy...I can't post or look at posts. only gallery, notes and yt works (but also only for watching videos and listening to music). so i usually screenshot what I want to show them. idk if it's like that for everyone. but i just can't concentrate without music or videos in the background; i think that's why i have it.

yeah toby does talk about masky lmao. also abt hoodie. he offered to introduce me but I am scared lol; they r intimidating ngl

AW OMG tysm! well egg (first mythical oc) can fly since he got wings. she makes clothing and can communicate via telepathy. she's genderfluid btw :> and can also heal minor injuries with ✨magic✨. dusty is my boiiiii💕 i love him sm. he can create a void with his mouth or teleport; with or without others by his side. he uses ultrasound, since he is blind. big cuddle puppy. and then we have (dr.prof.mr.) newton nugget; he is a doctor and can scan u for any like irregularities and heal u. will give u free top surgery (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

why would writing be different?? it's still an original character lol. and also...u don't understand. i am super attached to my oc's too!! i even daydream abt being in a poly relationship with two of them-

send me the thing, I wanna read it bestie! :>>>

DUDE ILYSM u r beginning to be such a big part of my happieness and ngl it's kinda scary since I have a fear of loosing ppl I love... but anyways... *virtual hug* u r awesome and perfect the way u r! thank u for being so supportive.

-🃏

Damn it’s a copy???!! Insane man, WAIT SO YOU SC ALL MY FICS LIKE PAGE BY PAGE??? Awww i also love music but I can’t concentrate with it cause I jam out too hard. IF I SAW MASKY I WOULD PROBABLY CRY and stand in a corner. I think he would be confused but id just start sobbing into the corner.

Bro egg sounds so cool- i wish i had magic. The only magic i have is writing smut, god is cruel. ACTUALLY FUCK THAT ITS THE BEST POWER EVER. Dusty sounds awesome too! I want free top surgery. I WANT ONE. Please please PLEASE. Yeahhhhh you’re right they are my oc’s, im not really attracted to them. Just like they’re my kids and i see them as my entire life. TFUTYLGIUOHIP*Y&TYUFTK

I’ll post my piece!! Ngl i feel like a tinder profile. BEN PLEASE SWIPE RIGHT- haoshgpuahgpu but anyway- you aren’t boring, or annoying in any way. The people that told you that are shits and never knew you well enough to care, you never deserved that. I’ve had people tell me that too, one guy said I was an “emotional burden” and another told me I was boring him. But he plays basketball 💀 so he had no room to talk, my friend literally says he looks like a mango 🥭. If you ever wanna talk about that stuff im here ya know, you can always dm me too. I tend to hold on to the past cause trauma hit me HARD, but imma do a burn ceremony today so I can let go ✨. I have huuuuugggeggeeee abandonment issues, comes with the borderline, so I understand. YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY! *hugs you back* muah muah! Ill always be supportive!!

#🚹#💬

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aikoeisbon · 4 years

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hello! i saw that ur requests are open and for levi!! soo i was wondering if i could get one? maybe an argument with him that leads to silent treatment? vv angsty please! thank u in advance 😊❤️ love ur acc btw so i followed hehe

So, I actually had this all typed up on my phone, went to save it as a draft, and it completely got erased. The levels of anger I felt......... so it’s taken me a while to write this one again. Sorry! Alrighty, here goes.

Deafening Silence

Levi x Reader

“You’re staying behind on this mission, Erwin’s orders. That’s final.” Levi informed as he pulled off his boots, preparing for bed.

“What? Why?! You know how much this means to me, aren’t you going to talk to him about it or something?” You panicked with wide eyes and furrowed brows. Levi sighed.

“I agree with his decision.” He admitted, taking a deep breath as his eyes slid from his discarded cravat to your exasperated expression.

“Why...” You muttered.

“You overestimate your abilities and get reckless. These aren’t titans we’re fighting this time, brat.”

“Get reckless?! How?! And you know I’d do anything to protect you and the Survey Corps, it doesn’t matter who we’re fighting!” You yelled, your face contorted with frustration. “You won’t even give me a chance to prove myself!”

“Prove what, y/n? How quickly you can get yourself killed?!” He raised his voice as close as you’ve ever heard it to a yell. He glared at you for a brief moment before pulling his shirt over his head and draping it over the back of a chair.

“I’m not going to get myself killed!” You argued, feeling hot tears ebb at the corners of your eyes, begging for release. “You won’t even let me explain-”

“Y/n.” Levi interrupted. “You’re staying.” He declared sternly, his eyes narrowing as he locked his gaze with yours. With his tone of voice, and how angry he seemed to be, you knew his mind was made up, along with the Commander’s. You reflexively clenching your fists, brows furrowing as deeply as you could manage as you reached for your hand.

“If you really think so little of me and my abilities despite how hard I’ve tried...” Your voice shook as you spoke. “Sleep alone.” You stated, removing a silver ring from your finger and placing it on the desk beside you before storming towards the door. Levi’s gaze followed you as you disappeared, the door slamming and echoing in the room as though it was announcing your silence. He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands running through his hair as he stared at the circular piece of metal on the desk- a ring he had given you. He had not predicted that. He knew you would be angry, but he was not the gambler Erwin was. He never would have guessed the levels of anguish you portrayed, the fury you felt to the point you removed your engagement ring. Levi knew better than anyone that you had a empathetic soul and genuine kindness, and he wanted to do everything he could to protect that about you. He was accustomed to the looks of despair that plastered the faces of the people he had run his blade through, and knew that that very look would haunt you for the rest of your days. He had no doubt you would do everything in your power to protect him- he admired that about you, but he knew that your actions would carry guilt you did not have hard enough of a heart to handle. Then again, that was another thing he loved so much about you- your tenderness. As passionate as you were about the things you loved and cared for, you always had a sense of humanity, no matter how enraged you felt. He did not want you to be haunted with the guilt of killing someone, and he feared that because of your morality, you would hesitate at the most dangerous moment- a point where a person is desperately clinging onto life. He did not want to risk losing you because your humanity forced you to freeze and hesitate long enough for you to be vulnerable, but here he was alone in your shared bedroom, faced with the horror of losing you in a different way. This was an internal battle he was ill-prepared for; losing you to the afterlife, or losing his future wife. Either way, he would lose you, but at least in one instance, you would still be alive. His clenched hands and white knuckles tangled furiously into his raven locks, his stare burning into the desk where the ring was placed from beneath his bangs.

You stormed down the corridor that contained the doorways to the captains’ rooms, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. You could not believe what you had just heard from your fiance, and it felt like a punch to the gut. You thought your work ethic, your determination, dedication, and skill, is what caught Levi’s eye in the first place. To know now that he doubted your abilities had you wonder what he thought about you at all. Did he think you were unable to protect him, that you were a burden? Finding out the Commander thought so little of your abilities was tough enough, but to know Levi felt the same was like a blindsiding betrayal. You had done your absolute best to be the best you could be, and if that wasn’t enough for him, you’d never be enough. It was this harrowing realization that forced you to spend hours outside, crying your frustrations out to the point of exhaustion until you finally decided to drag yourself to the barracks. The barracks, with the other cadets, where you felt you belonged rather than snuggled up against the body of humanity’s strongest. After all this time, you still were not good enough for him. At the Survey Corps most dire moment, you would be left behind.

“Y/n? Why are you here?” Sasha inquired, bending over to the level of your bunk on the floor. You opened one swollen eye, peering back at her.

“I needed some space. Don’t worry about it.” You responded to the auburn-haired ‘potato girl’ as you sat up.

“Well, breakfast is ready. Are you coming?” She wondered, in which you replied by dragging yourself out of bed and throwing on a fresh uniform before following her to the mess hall. The others seemed to have been up for some time, and sat energetically engaged in conversation as they ate off their trays. Your eyes stung, you had a terrible headache, and frankly, you weren’t quite hungry, but you went through the motions of picking up your food and sitting with the others anyways. You poked at your pancakes absentmindedly until suddenly your attention was summoned to the side of the room, as if your soul had sensed the man you loved. The pain in your chest fired up all over again the second you laid eyes on the well-built man, his typically tired eyes a thousand times darker than they normally seemed to be. His gaze was trained on you, his steel eyes widening ever so slightly as they met with yours. As badly as you wanted to greet him and give him a good morning kiss, you were immediately reminded, ‘you aren’t good enough for him, he doubts you’ from the argument the night before. You clenched your eyes, tearing your gaze away from him and staring at your food. After breakfast, he approached you as you thought he would. It was somewhat comforting to you, but you refused to allow yourself to think he cared as much as you used to think he did.

“The bed was cold without you.” He commented quietly, staring off at the other cadets but keeping you in his peripheral. You sighed, feeling tears form once more. “I hate upsetting you.” He attempted to reach for you, but you swatted him away. He felt his stomach twist. He stared at you for a moment, desperately searching for any body language that signified you were open to talking to him. “Are you... leaving me?” He questioned, his voice sounding more vulnerable and weak than you had ever heard him. Your heart thudded against your chest, your glassy eyes darting up to meet his. The pain in his voice matched the pain in his eyes. You reached for your hand instinctively, feeling that the ring you cherished was not there, only then remembering you had removed it. The tearful look in your e/c eyes snapped his heart in two, but he had fully convinced himself he would rather you leave him and be alive, than for him to give in, let you come, and die. The two of you shared an anguished look for a brief moment before you turned away, forcing yourself to walk away from him. That action provided Levi his answer, and suddenly, he felt empty.

The following day, the captains around him began to pick up on Levi’s rapidly deteriorating mood.

“You look like you haven’t slept in days!” Hanji commented aloofly as they serviced their ODM gear.

“Tch. Shut up, four-eyes.”

“Seriously, have you eaten? You look sick.” The titan-enthusiast continued. Moblit nodded in agreement.

“Squad Leader is right. I hope you’re looking after yourself.”

“I’m a grown man, get off my ass.” Levi snapped, curling his lip as he spoke. Hanji raised her hands with open palms, snickering as she left the captain alone. The next day, it was predicted that Erwin would be arrested and the mission would begin. Until then, they were packing to begin their descent to a woodland house to carry out experiments with Eren. You, and you alone, would be the only one to seek refuge at the old Survey Corps headquarters. It enraged you, more so at yourself for thinking you were good enough to be trusted by Levi. You began to consider going anyways, but knew there would be no point if nobody cooperated with you.

You assumed Levi was busy as he typically was, and attempted to take advantage of that time to return to your once shared bedroom to retrieve a couple of your things, including the ring. Each time you reached for your hand when thinking of him, you felt your heart shatter all over again as you remembered the broken look he had in his eyes. When you reached the room, you found that the ring was missing off of the desk. You feared, had he sold it already? You leaned against the door, your back sliding down it as you sat on the floor, bawling into you arms as you pulled your knees against your chest.

Levi had spent the past two days grueling over his decision and the anguish you were experiencing. He never wanted to be the reason you were this upset- he only wanted what was best for you. He could not bear watching your life slip through his fingers. He wondered where you went the night you walked out on him- and although he knew you would never go to another man, for otherwise he never would have proposed, he couldnt help but feel fleeting anxiety at the thought of it. He was drowning in guilt and had no idea what the answer was to this situation, but he knew that he could not begin the mission like this, with a mind as distracted as his. At the very least, he’d need a clear answer. He felt for the ring in his pocket- the cold metal tapped the warm metal on his own finger. Were you really leaving him? Would this ring mean nothing anymore? The anxiety he felt was plaguing him. He quickly wrapped up his maintenance and returned to his quarters, where he would write out a letter explaining his concerns and intentions, that he hoped would heal your pain while he was gone if you refused to talk to him before then.

As he went to enter the room, he found the door heavier than usual. On the second attempt at opening it, he found it returned to it’s normal weight, only to see you sitting on the floor with red eyes a few feet away. The sight of you crying so much compelled his body to move reflexively. He pulled you up from the floor and into his arms, his heart thundering against his ribcage as he held the warmth of your trembling body against him. He craned his head into your neck, inhaling your sweet scent and brushing aside your hair. He felt you murmur against him, in which he allowed a bit of distance between your two bodies so that you could repeat yourself.

“Did you s-sell it?” You stuttered between sobs. He furrowed his brows, holding your face between his hands. You read the confusion on his face, pointing to the desk where the ring once was. “Did yo-you sell it?” His eyes followed your finger, and once he realized, he immediately corrected his posture and reached into the pocket of his dark-green coat. He opened his palm, holding it out to you. You felt a wave of relief wash over you as he held out your ring, still wearing his own. You curled his hand up between your own, sobbing against his chest. He felt physically pained with how hurt you were. He never intended to make you this upset.

“I can’t lose you, y/n.” Levi breathed, kissing the top of your head. “I can’t risk losing you to some piece of shit. I know you’re good, but you’re too good.” He admitted.

“Good?” You replied curiously, still crying.

“Good-natured, good-hearted. You are good with ODM gear, you’re skilled with titans. It’s this heart of yours...It’s too good to be killing people.” He placed a hand over where your heart would be, wrapping his other arm around your waist. “Pieces of shit like me would take advantage of a kind heart like that. One moment’s hesitation ends up being your last.”

“That’s why you don’t want me to come?” You questioned with doe-eyes.

“Yes.” Levi answered earnestly, wiping away your tears with his thumb.

“What about Commander Erwin?”

“I asked him to make you stay. You wouldn’t listen if it were just me.” He confessed. You blinked away your tears, sighing shakily.

“...I thought I wasn’t good enough... for you. I thought you all were doubting me. I.. I’ve tried so hard to prove myself, and... and...” You stammered, beginning to sob once more. Levi shook his head, dropping to one knee and pulling your hand into both of his.

“You’ve proven yourself to me in more ways than I can count. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t even consider marrying you.” Levi glanced up at you, his eyes sincere but fatigued. “I don’t just consider marrying you. I dream of it. I desire it- desire you.” He slipped the ring back onto your finger in a fluid motion that made your heart soar. “Marry me, Y/n. Never leave me.”

#levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi x reader

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ihavenoconsistentname · 4 years

Text

(TW; slight discussion of depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, feeling worthless/self deprecation as a result of RSD)

Oh btw if you're anti-self diagnosing or think that self-diagnosing is always just saying "lol I have this and that" without doing research or doing it properly then you better not fucking interact with me

By self diagnosing I mean if you've done your complete and proper research on whatever condition because you show a lot of symptoms of it and have come to the conclusion that you might have that condition but are unable to get a professional diagnosis and so you say "I might have ___" instead of saying 100% that you have it then that's the valid form of self diagnosis

Why do I self diagnose with ADHD? Because I've exhibited a lot of symptoms and therefore when I've tried to figure out what the actual fuck is wrong with me I did hours of research for weeks even and would take several of those semi-professional tests online to see how likely it was. Overall the results of my research were I either have ADHD or some form of autism and therefore I will often say "I probably/might have ADHD". I don't just go around saying I have ADHD without a professional diagnosis or say I have it just to be quirky or some shit. You shouldn't WANT to have ADHD if you don't have it.

Doing your proper and complete research on it when it's likely you have it and always saying that you might/probably have it instead of saying for certain without a professional diagnosis is proper self diagnosing.

Not taking a buzzfeed quiz getting your result and going "omg I have ADHD/autism/depression/some other conditions!!" Or claiming you have a condition then faking it just to be qUirKy

Because ADHD and everything else isn't quirky and seeing that I most likely do have ADHD I can damn well tell you that a good amount of people yesterday saw how much my RSD fucked me up and how hurt I was over one small comment from someone in Wels' discord telling me the way I drew Hels' chestplate made him look feminine. That ONE comment and when they dragged it on a bit after fucked me up so badly I wanted to cry and delete everything I've ever said done and made and I wanted to never draw anything ever again and I still feel unable to draw because my brain keeps telling me no we're not ever going to draw ever again. So many people had to comfort me because of ONE comment that sounded even mildly disapproving.

I have severe anxiety and I can't even walk in public without feeling like I'm walking incorrectly or weirdly and constantly have to glance at my reflection in windows for reassurance on that and even still it doesn't go away. I can barely take a walk outside by myself without feeling like every car that passes by is going to end in my death be it kidnapping or random murder, at night I can't stand to have a single bit of light on in my room that doesn't completely illuminate everything because I'll get anxious that there's something there in the dark and I'll even see things that aren't there like a man standing in the corner.

When I get depressive episodes I'll feel like doing fucking anything to die, I'll completely give up on life and feel like nothing will ever get better and it stays like that for MONTHS.

None of that shit is "quirky!!11!!!1 🤪🤪" Bethany now go fuck off listen to your basic white girl bands and leave people who actually know how god awful it is to have mental illnesses/conditions the fuck alone because you're often half the reason why we're afraid to speak up about our conditions and the reason why self diagnosing has basically become a stigma because people like you will say you have this and that without doing research and people assume self diagnosing when done properly is actually just the same as self diagnosing because you want to

TL;DR: Self diagnosing is valid if you're not just taking a buzzfeed quiz then claiming you have whatever it said you have or saying you have something because you think it's cuTe or qUirKy because it isn't and if you're against proper self diagnosing as explained in this post then DNI.

#alex.txt #dni #because this is now part of it #long post

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captain039 · 6 years

Text

Cayde

Cayde 6 x reader

Summary: some cayde imagines

Warnings: kind of gorey scene

Ok so im playing Destiny rn and uh i loce a robot xD

Those with the light.

It was cold aa the rain fell on your limp body you had to move but you couldnt that thing took your light away. You felt like your life was drained you barely kept your eyes open shaking on the ground looking for your ghost. You felt your eyes close on their own as your head hit the ground you were dying. You groaned in pain shifting slightly to a more comfortable position when you heard a voice. You figured it was one of the legion to finish you off. You frowned though hearing your ghost as you opened your eyes seeing it with non other then Cayde. You scoffed finding strength with in yourself to lift the top half of your body up.

"Gaurdian" you ghost called floating towards you as Cayde jogged over to you steadying you. You coughed hunching over as your ghost made noises.

"Come on dont go dying on me now" Cayde said as you scoffed at him. He helped you up as you limped holding yourside. The rain was freezing it never bothered you but now it was.

"Come on" Cayde sais but you were to weak. The city was ruined.

"Y/n" he called as you fell to your knees again.

"Dont you dare give up on me you hear me" he said his tone serious. You felt your world get blurry and you passed out.

Cayde growled to himself picking you up heading to the ship, he couldnt loose you to.

You groaned quietly regaining consciousness as you opened your eyes slowly. You stared at the ceiling it wasnt familiar.

"Cayde" you turned your head seeing a robot when Cayde rushed in.

"Thank the light" your ghost said.

"How you feeling?" Cayde asked sitting by your bed.

"Water?" You asked as he nodded grabbing a cup.

He handed you the water as you drunk it down sighing with relief.

"Where are we?" You asked.

"I dont know were still flying" Cayde said as you nodded trying to sit up.

"Hey dont stress yourself" he said you frowned he wasnt acting his normal childish self.

"Cayde whats wrong?" You asked as he looked to you then the ground sighing.

"Cayde" you said as he huffed he couldnt keep anything from you.

"I thought i lost you" he said his voice quiet.

"Im fine" you said as he sighed.

"Your not though your lights gone you were almost dead you were out for a day" he said pain in his voice.

"Cayde" you grabbed his head so be looked at you as his optics dimmed in sadness.

"Im here ok" you whispered as he nodded glancing up at you. You leaned your forehead against his, his hand gripped your bicep you were here and ok.

Human.

Btw hes human in this so just imagine him human xD

It was before the collasp everything was peacefull well sort of. There was the occassional fallen he dared step foot on the city but they were blown sky high. You were a vangaurd living the high life maybe you didnt know didnt care. You stood around a table staring at a map for hours trying to figure things out. You huffed your hands fisting.

"Stress if stressful you should stop" you rolled your eyes at the sound of Caydes voice. You turned to the hunter his blue eyes playful.

"Go away im working" you said as he made a hurt face.

"Im hurt y/n honestly" he said placing a hand over his chest.

"I hate you so much" you mumbled sighing.

"Love you too" he said standing next to you, damn this man.

"But seriously we should go get ramen" he said as you chuckled him and his damn ramen.

"Fine but only quickly" he smirked victoriously as he dragged you down into the city. You both sat eating his favourite ramen you would never admit it but you liked the small corner shop too. Well more like you liked the hunter but would never tell him. You yourself were a warlock in the light magic flowing through your veins.

You looked up though to the sound of screaming you and Cayde ran down the street seeing the red legion. You levatated and threw energy balls at them as Cayde shot them. You floated back down landing on your feet as you frowned.

"What are they doing in the city?" You asked as Cayde shrugged. You both headed back to vangaurd telling Zavala and Ikora they frowned checking everything but it was to late. A large ship came through the clouds and army behind it.

"EVERYONE ON ME" Zavala called as everyone went inside his sheild.

"Gaurdians battle stations" he yelled you and Cayde both ran out of the building seeing the legion landing on the deck. You emitted the light from your body your sword emitting to flames as you striked them down. Cayde called the light also shooting every ugly legion he saw. You two became back to back as you both shot let and right.

"This might be a bad time to tell you" Cayde began.

"This better be good Cayde other wise ill leave your sorry ass" you said stabbing a legion that got a little to close.

"I have feelinga for you y/n" he said over the shooting as you froze keeping the sheild up.

You turned to Cayde as he gave a shy smile.

"Your an idiot" you said, he scoffed as your lips connectee to his.

"I guess i have feelings for you" he smiled.

"Yes" he shouted smiling like an idiot as he killed everything, you laughed at him happy to finally let your feelings free.

Transform

The collasp hit everyone and everything it crushed everything in its path. You and Ikora were running to a ship needing to get off the planet. You ised your light shooting the legion back. You both made it to the ship when you heard a cry of pain. You snapped your head knowing the voice, Cayde. You rushed past everyone seeing Cayde holding his face blood everywhere you began to panic as he cried in pain.

"What happened?" You shouted as Zavala grabbed your shoulder.

"Y/n come" he said you wanted to fight but knew you couldnt.

"What the hell happened i demand answers" you said panic flowing through your veins.

"He was in a blast he wasn't in my sheild" he said calmly as you stood up pacing you should've been there.

"Y/n dont blame yourseld" Zavala said placing a hand on your shoulder before walking away.

Days had past as the ship found a new place to stay everyone set up some places to stay while you helped. You didnt sleep or eat you couldnt see Cayde they wouldn't let you it boiled your blood but you listened. Weeks now and nothing he was alive though but he wouldn't let you see him. You were fed up it was to much you needed to see him now.

You stormed to his room a gaurd in front of it as you glared.

"Move now" you said as the robot stokd firm.

"Im sorry gaurdian i cannot" you growled kicking it down as it clanked against the ground.

"CAYDE" you yelled as his ghost said uh oh. You stormed in seeing his back facing you.

"You think you can just hide from me for weeks i havent slept or ate because im so damn worried" you said glaring at his back his ghost dissapearing in the tension. He didnt answer as you growled walking closer.

"Cayde answer me damn it" you yelled as he shot up you froze seeing an EXO instead of his human face. Your face softened from its hard glare as you saw his sadness.

"Cayde" you sighed.

"I didnt come out because how can you love this" he said pointing to himself you shook your head.

"I dont love you for your looks Cayde" you sighed as he looked to the ground.

"Why didnt you eat or sleep im fine" he mumbled as your hand lifted his face.

"Because i was worried sick you didnt speak for weeks i thought you were gone" you said your heart breaking. A silence fell over the both of you as Cayde looked at you.

"Im sorry" he whispered as you wiped a tear from your eye. You sighed hugging him tightly as he froze before wrapping his arms around you relaxing. You were crying he could feel you lightly shaking. He gripped you tighter feeling horrible for how he left you.

"Im so sorry" he whispered.

"Your ok thats all that matters" you said into his chest as he sighed wishing he could cry.

#cayde x reader #cayde 6 #cayde #destiny #destiny 2 #EXO #warlock #hunter #Zavala #Ikora

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dreammutual-remade · 6 years

Text

high school!donghyuck

request: idk if you’re taking reqs but i really like ur highscool aus so if u want to write one abt hyuck ill be :^))))))) - anonymous

word count: 5.1k

a/n: oof its been awhile unnies!!!! ive had exams for the past two weeks and I still have exams now so im sorry for not posting anything but reblogs with headassery in the tags!!! we are continuing the high school series n renjun is next!! since I got like 3 requests for him !!!!! hhehhehehheheh its gonna b cute <3 anyways hope u enjoy this I love my lil duckie baby

masterlist

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

big oof i’m gonna cry while writing this

i’m running out of creative ways to say let’s dive in

let us take the plunge

okay!!!!!!!!!! so you’ve been an editor/writer for the school paper for pretty much all of your high school career

you’re not super well known though because you don’t try to take any credit for anything and always sign your pieces like “- the daily newspaper team” or smth

anywhom you’ve always loved writing about the stuff around you or making up little short stories

one of your hobbies is just going people watching and trying to write down a brief description of people you see and what you think they’re on the way to do

you’ve befriended the baristas at your favorite spot, lucas and mark, and they always beg to read them but you never let them because mark is too nice to tell you it’s shit and lucas is too dumb to at least say it nicely

you’ve got at least 6 notebooks FULL of these little stories but you’ve never really ? showed anyone because wow showing others your work is Scary

criticism ???/$&/&:&:&:

it’s midway through the first semester of the school year and you’ve been super busy since it’s football season and you gotta write about all the games

and you haven’t had much time to write your cute little stories for yourself and you miss it a lot :/

this weekend though the chance of rain is SUPER high so the football game is cancelled and you have plenty of time to yourself !! :D

there is, a setback tho

THUNDER!!!!! IS SO SCARY !!!!!!

u fckin softie

you decide to tough it out though and get suited up in some polka dot rain boots and a rain jacket and set off to find somewhere to chill

as you’re walking to the nearest lil greenhouse/cafe thing it starts raining ,, ,,, hARDER

when you started it wasn’t rlly raining it was just like that weird tension in the air right before the air pressure drops and it starts to rain and you were already on edge OOF

but then it’s raining so you clutch your notebook to your chest and dash

usain bolt had nothing on you girly you were ZOOM ZOOM

broom broom- doyoung

unfortunately you don’t make it though because with you head down to keep the rain out of your eyes you run RIGHT into someone’s CHEST !!!!!!

hehe u know i’m a sucker for these god damn TROPES

your notebook goes flying and and the arms attached to the Chest That Caused Your Grief come up to catch you by the arms

“oh gOD sorry are you okay ??? i wasn’t looking and i was trying to keep my journal dr- MY JOURNALSDJDDD”

you fling yourself out of this boys arms and pick up your soaking wet journal sadly

:((((((( you had so many stories in there wtf

“oh shit i’m sorry do you uh want me to buy you another one ???”

“no that’s okay it wasn’t your fault :( and it’s just a journal i’m only sad because all my stories are gone :(((((“

you finally look up from your Ruined journal to see , the prettiest boy

you can’t tell for sure cause his hair is soaking wet but it’s a bright red that looks a bit faded and his skin is tanned and golden like HONEY OOF

he meets your eyes and awkwardly smiles and he looks so GUILTY AW

“no really it’s fine don’t feel bad!!”

“okay but i feel bad what can i do to make it up to you?”

“hMMM you could come help me think of wacky stories about people who walk past”

“well if you INSIST m’lady”

“aw, never mind”

“IM JUST KIDDING SJDJJD”

so in the pouring rain you both walk to cafe and find a little corner to people-watch in

on the way there he tells you his name is donghyuck but his friends call him hyuck

“dude that’s the sound goofy makes when he laughs your friends are terrible”

“oh my god i don’t even think they know what they’re saying HsjdjHEHHS”

after a couple minutes of bad goofy impressions you decide to call him duckie instead because ,,,, GARSH MICKEY 🤠🤠🤠

also because it’s cute

you didn’t hear this from me but he uwued so hard rip his street cred with the Boys

anyways right before you settle in you’re like hey uh did you have somewhere to be like weren’t you heading places

and he was like nah i like the rain it’s nice to just walk around feels GOOD

your eyes widen so big and he snorts because what’s so ridiculous about that

and you’re like uh UH NO NOPE NO SIR I DONT FUCK WITH DEMONS

your dramatic ass tries to get up and LEAVE but he grabs your wrist and is like noooo we haven’t even written any stories yet why do you hate rain so much ??

you explain how thunder is the work of the devil and that lightning could strike you down where you stand at any moment and storms are EVIL

he chuckles and side eyes you

“aW you big wimp you’re afraid of thunderstorms aren’t you”

“yES. like any sane person would be”

“you know a lot of people actually like storms”

“like i said, SANE people do not”

and then you change the subject right quick because your face is getting RED with embarrassment

you n donghyuck spend like 2 hours just sitting in the corner and writing little scenarios on napkins

“oh shit that girl over there with the french braids is TOTALLY gonna marry hipster beanie guy in two years. mark my words”

“idk y/n she lowkey has the hots for the barista”

“ ew you mean mark??”

“yeah. now THAT man is a work of art”

MARKHYUCK RISE

“god what is wrong with you maybe you should buy me another book”

“too late now we’re FRIENDS and i don’t owe you ANYTHING”

“being friends doesn’t work like that at all but, okay”

at the end of the day you’ve got a stack of napkins with scribbled notes on them

(one of them has donghyuck’s number on it skdkkfjd)

he leaves you with a bright smile and you’re in awe this boy is so golden and lovely

oof and when you were still in the cafe his hair had dried to the unnatural red color that he ? somehow made look good ugh not fAIR

and it was a lil curly and fluffy and looked very soft :(((((

as you walk home you drift along the sidewalk with a stupid smile on your face wow please get a little less obvious hunty

when you get home the sun is setting and the rain has cleared and you are so Happy that was the best day !!!

you weren’t even scared of the thunder because whenever the sky would fckin CRACK OPEN hyuck would subtly try to keep your attention and distract you with questions

the sky: AAAAAAAAAAA

duckie: oH Hey uhhh so hOW do you even come up these stories ?):$:$ theyre so good

such a sweet boy uwu

when you get home your mom eyes you suspiciously as you drift down the hall towards your room but doesn’t comment

she didn’t need to though because you immediately return and tell her everything !!!

she encourages you to befriend him at school and see where it goes from there ;))) or just TEXT HIM

so you do

both of those things !!!

you: hey!! it’s y/n btw

duckie: hey! u make it home alive without the sky cracking open and killing u

you: stOP MAKING FUN OF ME

you send him memes and he sends , even better ones back this boy is Husband Material

the next couple weeks you realize that hyuck is actually in like a lot of your classes

and he’s like yeah i don’t blame you for not noticing since your nose is always in one of those Damn Journals

can’t believe u smh

anywhom

you start actually interacting with people in class

and by people i mean donghyuck and any of his friends who happen to be there

you literally get thrown into their friendgroup like one day you know donghyuck and have vaguely heard of jeno since he’s on the soccer team

and then the next you’re a part of the group message and jaemin begs for your math homework during lunch ????

“jaemin just dO YOUR OWN HOMEWORK FOR ONCE ???”

“ugh but i don’t know how”

“hey you know what maybe if you didn’t sleep in class you WOULD”

“IM TIRED GOD DAMN IT”

this is usually when duckie interjects with

“hey now girls, you’re both smart <3”

“i know im smart but , jaemin , i don’t know about him 😔😔”

poor jaemin leave him alone :(

jisung is , extREMELY awkward around you because he’s a Baby Freshman and you’re a Female Senior hsjdjf it’s so cute

and chenle is the complete opposite he IMMEDIATELY latches onto you and is always like

“y/n !!!! wanna watch this video of me singing and playing the piano when i was thirteen on live national television !!!!”

“y/N !!!!!!! can you drive me n jisung to get ice cream plEASE !!! we won’t even play PSY this time”

“okay,,,,, pinky promise?”

his pinky hooks around yours at an incredible speed as he jumps up and down with excitement

“pinky promise !!!!!!!!!!”

hyuck overhears and insists upon coming with for , unknown reasons

renjun and jeno keep snickering to each other across the lunch table too uGH

sneaky bastards !

after school you wait in the parking lot for the Babies with hyuck who looks rather flushed considering his skin is pretty tan and it takes a lot for him to visibly blush ??

“hey duckie boy you good?”

“haha yEAH uh just wondering where the boys are hhhh”

“oh yeah ! they should’ve been here like 10 mins ago”

your phone buzzes in your pocket and you go to check it to see a text in the group message

lele: hey y/n~ me n jisung can’t come we totally forgot we joined a frisbee team and there’s practice today !!!

blueberry: yeah ! have fun w/ hyuckie tho

moominluvr96: sjdjd i’m so proud of them

jenomunomunomu: absolute legends have fun at ur frisbee practice my sons

you: 🅱️ro i wanted to go home and SLEEP

blueberry: sorry ! xoxo :*

duckie: chenle my son ? how could you 🅱️etray me this way???

you: ur dead to me

you: literally what’s a chenle ?? sounds like a poisonous fruit

lele: NO IM SORRY

but tbh you’re just being Silly you don’t mind just going with Sunshine Boy

hyuck has only gotten redder as the texting went on though what’s his deal 0.0

you agree to take his car !

actually you insist because you don’t wanna drive but, let’s say you agreed

you find out that hyuck exclusively listens to hipster bands and the occasional troye sivan song because we love a gay legend

actually his music taste is ALL OVER THE PLACE but we r still boppin ladies

you roll the windows down even tho it’s Chilly and let your hand float in the breeze until your fingers start getting numb and you pull your hand back in and roll up the window

okay maybe that was a Bad Idea your fingers almost hurt they’re so cold and you’re rubbing the feeling back into them when hyuck clears his throat

you look up at him and he tilts his chin toward the hand he stretched toward you

you’re confused bc like ? i don’t have anything to give u duckie

he sighs anxiously

“just. give me your hand. mine are warm because i didn’t try to be cool and stick my hand out the window like this is a teen coming of age movie”

“have you ever just been nice and not followed it up with a weirdly specific insult”

“nope. now gimme”

you cautiously placed your hand in his and felt heat bloom all over your cheeks and trail up to your ears and down your neck

he gulps and interlocks your fingers and tucks them in the pocket of his hoodie

you have to lean against the console in between you a little so that your arm isn’t strained but it’s,,,,, Warm and Nice

you’re quick to continue the conversation like normal but your voice sometimes goes in and out since he is subconsciously rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand or tapping his fingers against yours

when you arrive you awkwardly pull your hand from his grip to get out of the car and he cringes a lil :(

you decide to be bold for once in your life and run around the car to catch up with him and shove your other hand into his

“this one’s cold too”

he ducks his head and smiles but gives your hand a lil squeeze :3 uwu

eventually though you do have to let go and enjoy your ice cream

you just make small talk with him about the newspaper and whatever homework is due the next day when a man walks in wearing BRIGHT RED CLOWN SHOES

the weirdest part though is the fact that other than the clown shoes the man is dressed like a body builder and has the hulking mass of one

and also there is a PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER ???

you and hyuck whip to face each other and then look back at the man

without looking away you slide your notebook to the middle of the table and flip open to where you’ve bookmarked the next available page

needless to say you both have a field day making up storylines for this man

“hey hyuckie i missed this it’s been forever since it’s been just the two of us and my journal”

“me too, sunshine”

“heY now you’re the sunshine in this relationship”

both of you choke at your use of the term “relationship” but continue with the conversation JSKSK

“alright but then you have to be the rain”

“aw you know i don’t like the rain”

“yes i know that’s why YOU are sunshine”

“kay but you are so much more like sunshine than i, an Emo”

“how bout i be sunshine since you like sunshine and me, and you be rain since i like rain and you”

OOF ????????

you blush for the Millionth Time and nod shyly and duckie is about to turn purple YIKES

you leave the ice cream shop and climb back in the car and the whole atmosphere is very Tense

you sigh because you miss holding his hand and then turn up the song on the radio which just happens to be, Walkin On Sunshine

THE !!! IRONY !!!

you giggle into your hand and he snorts and you both break into laughter

you plug your phone into the aux

“alright time for some Real Tunes”

“i swear to GOD if you play Bad Boy one more time i’m gonna LOSE IT”

“fuck you red velvet are LEGENDS”

“the only reason you know who they are is because mark tells everyone with a pulse that one of them is from canada just like him”

“okay and ??? i can still appreciate that they produce iconic songs only”

“LISTEN I LOVE RED VELVET TOO BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”

you playfully bicker the whole way back and when you get back to the school to pick up your car you realize you never even got to play your song

“for your information, i was in fact NOT going to play bad boy i was going to play the bop of the century, what is love by twice”

and then, with heavy sarcasm

“well gee why didn’t you just sAY SO”

“IM SICK OF YOUR GIRL GROUP SLANDER LEE DONGHYUCK”

then he giggles and grabs your hand to keep you from getting more than halfway out of the car

“okay okay you know i’m just messing with you”

“yes but leave my gorls out of it”

he releases your hand with fake disgust and wipes it on the passenger seat headrest

“ugh go home, gru”

“it’s a good meme and you can’t even deny it duckie boy”

you blow him a half serious half playful kiss as you bounce over to your car and climb in

you play bad boy and roll the windows down as you drive by his car just to spite him and he laughs good naturedly

it’s only when you get home that you’re like heyyyy nOW

WAS THAT A DATE ??????

you tell your mom about it and she’s like uHHH sounds like a DATE to me ???

but you’re Unsure so you don’t say anything to the others or hyuck just the usual goodnight texts and whatnot

although it could be argued ,, that goodnight texts are a little, relationship-y

it could also be argued , that you do have his contact name as , duckie☼♥

but those can be discussed another time

you continue to hang out with the boys although you refuse to allow them to sit with you at football games because they’re so DISTRACTING

jeno and jisung just fckin yell the whole time while you try to jot notes down to turn it into a story later for the paper

but you can’t concentrate or even figure out wtf is goin on because they’re scREAMING and jumping and messing you uP !

so you sent them elsewhere although,,, hyuck stayed with you

he always does “just in case you get cold or smth”

ur not fooling anyone hyuckie baby

and would you look at that time has FLOWN and it’s time for homecoming !!!!

you plan on going in a big group with hyuck and all The Boys and jaemin has even scored a date !!!

it was highkey through trickery but that’s okay

chenle and jisung are gonna wear matching shirts because they’re headass like that

you’ve already bought a dress and you haven’t ….. shown hyuckie……. just in case……… he asks you

since he…… hasn’t …… YET

renjun keeps assuring you that you don’t need to find a date and that everything is covered but ???? inch resting how duckie has done nOT ONE THING

alright the day of the dance you wake up feeling a little off but go through your normal saturday routine of eating a waffle and absentmindedly watching old gossip girl reruns

but later in the day you feel SHITTY

you’re flushed and your head hurts and it takes so much EFFORT just to get up and get a glass of water

you , comrade, are sick :-(

you text in the gm to let your boys know you can’t come

chenle thinks you’re faking until he calls and hears you sniffling and how rough your voice sounds

“hEY THOT I KNOW UR FAKING BC U DONT HAVE A DATE”

“chenle if it didn’t hurt to speak i would yell at u but my eyes are watering please just text me”

“oh,,,,sorry love u”

and then he hangs up real fast lmao

so you decide to just wallow in despair in your bed and rent overpriced movies on demand

there’s a half drank mug of tea that has long gone cold that contains the medicine you’re supposed to be taking but,, you can’t be bothered tbh lifting your hand is so hard

after a few movies and the sun setting there’s knock at the door ???

you barely hear it since you’re in your room with the door closed but /sigh/ you gotta go answer

you drag yourself out of bed and stumble to the front door and open it, immediately slumping against the frame

this whole time you have still not opened your eyes because light hurts a lil and you know your house well enough

in hindsight that was probably dumb considering you don’t know who’s at the door

you try to open your eyes but they only turn half lidded and droopy so you can just barely make out donghyuck looking Concerned on your front porch

“duckie? what are u doing here?”

“uhhh i uh came to take you to homecoming ??”

he then holds up some flowers and smiles awkwardly

“duckie. baby. sunshine. did u not read the texts i sent ? also it is VERY late to be asking me to homecoming. also, i am a little high on cold medication”

“srry princess, can i come in? you look like you need company and soup and possibly some Sarcastic Banter”

“sounds good duck”

“okay duckie was already incorrect please don’t shorten it to duck”

“you know i didn’t have to let you in”

“so what kind of soup do you want? :-)”

he busies himself attempting to make soup while you have melted into a chair at the dining table with one eye cracked open to watch him

he is very obviously Struggling so you wobble to your feet to stand behind him at the stove and maybe lean a little too much into his back to prop your chin up on his shoulder and reach a hand around him to turn the heat down on the stove

you’ve reached the point of I Don’t Give A Shit and have given up on trying not to be affectionate with him you’re too tired and sickly to restrain yourself and his heart is just steadily beating faster and faster

after your soup you drag him into your bedroom to force him to provide you warmth while watching another movie

but he digs his heels into the floor and tugs on your hand to turn you around

“since you’re missing homecoming….. wanna dance?”

“in my bedroom. while i’m dying. with no music.”

“i’ll take care of the music. cmon don’t be difficult”

“i’m not being difficult i’m just-

you’re cut off by him pressing a finger to your lips and going shhhhhh

you open your mouth to curse him out bc hOW DARE HE

but then he gently pulls you by the waist into his chest and does his best to tuck you under his chin

you’re too comfortable like this so you don’t bother admonishing him for earlier and just settle into his embrace

you loop your arms around his neck as he starts to sway you back and forth

after a couple seconds he starts humming, quietly at first and then louder

and then he starts singing and it’s so sO SWEET AND SOFT

you can feel each breath he takes under your hands and the vibrating of his vocal chords against your forehead and you just close your eyes and press closer to him

you’ve literally never been this content in your whole life binch

he is so warm and ever so often smooths a hand up and down your spine whenever you shiver a little or shift in his arms

when the song finishes you keep swaying with him a little while longer

you’re leaning against him so hard that like the majority of your weight is on him yikes

“babe are you asleep”

“mm”

“no?”

“mmm”

“pretty close though?”

“hm”

“alright”

he chuckles and presses a barely there kiss to the top of your head and sort of waddles the two of you over to the bed

you don’t even have to ask him to climb in with you that was The Plan, Stan

(that’s a saying and also i’m calling u a stan wow queen of puns)

as soon as he settles in you tuck yourself under his arm and throw an arm over him to play with the fingers of his other hand

you’ve got the breakfast club on and it’s Real Nap Hours

hyuck’s arm falls asleep pretty soon tho so instead you switch to laying on your sides facing each other with your face pressed into his neck and your arms draped over each other

right before you fade into unconciousness, he tilts his chin down and nudges his nose against yours to get your attention

your eyes flutter open and you look up at him while he smiles gently down at your sleepy expression aWE ???

“hey wanna be my date when you’re not on your death bed?”

“god, what a romantic. is that a shakespeare quote?”

“shut up and say yes”

“alright fine”

“with more enthusiasm!”

“YES!! GOD DAMN IT”

he shakes his head but then leans down to press a lingering kiss against your cheek before tucking you back against him and evening out his breathing

you fall asleep and dream of boys with beautiful voices who love to dance in the rain

a couple hours later you wake up to a forehead smooch and your Boy whispering bye angel

you sit up and whine and he’s like bby i have to go it’s like midnight n my momma wants me home :(((

you pout and he giggles and taps your lips with his index finger

“go back to sleep and i’ll text you something nice to wake up to yeah?”

you nod and grab his hand to kiss it before flopping back down and passing The Fuck Out

the next morning you wake up still feeling a bit shitty but smiling anyways bc you’ve scored the cutest boy in the universe uwu

he even kept his promise and left you a cute message to wake up to ;((((

duckie☼♥: good morning bbg i hope ur feeling better today and that the sun shines all day for u !!!

you: JEKDKDJ DUCKIE IM STILL SICK BUT TAKE ME ON A DATE RN

you: 💗💗💗💕💌💞💞💗😤💖🤧😔💗😔🤧😔🌺💐🌺🌺🌸💐😔💛😔💛💐🤧💐💐💖💖

duckie☼♥: noooo ur gross

you: you ruined it :(((

duckie☼♥: i mean noooo u gotta get better

you: okay :)))

you finally get over your cold like 4 days later and insist you’re fine to be Taken Out And Treated Like A Princess

he tells you to dress warm except gloves bc he wants to hold youR HAND CAN YOU BELIEVE

you’re weirdly not nervous ? like you thought you would be but you’re just excited and very happy !!!! uwu

he picks you up about an hour after school and reveals that he’s gonna take you to all the cafes in town to people watch and write stories which is !!! your favorite activity !!!!!!

“is it lame??? oh god you think it’s lame i’m so sORRY”

“nO!!! no i love it you did good”

“are you sure?”

“yes duckie”

“okay good i mean i knew you’d like it”

“but you just-“

“hm?”

“,,,,, nevermind”

you both hike around town until it gets late and you’re tired and you end up on a bench in the local park with his head in your lap and your fingers in his hair

you lightly scratch his scalp and hum and he practically PURRS like a cat

(furry ????? it’s more likely than you think)

his eyes are closed and you trace your fingers over his features lightly until it tickles and he scrunches up his nose aw bABY !!!!!

then, without opening his eyes

“so when are you gonna man up and kiss me?”

“first of all, i will never man up i prefer being female thanks. sECOND WHY DO I GOTTA DO IT”

“i asked you on the date !!! you gotta do something!!!”

“i held your hand first!!”

“after i literally offered my hand to you”

“uGH fine come here”

“no i’m not gonna ‘come here’ you literally just made a disgusted noise at the thought of kissing me”

“it wasn’t at the thought of kissing you it was just at you”

“this isn’t helping at all”

you roll your eyes playfully and then yank him up by the collar of his shirt to press your forehead against his

��does this help?”

aND THEN YOU LAY ONE ON HIM ??????:$&:&;&;

QUEEN OF CONFIDENCE

he sighs against your lips and sits up a little more so he can reach you better, smoothing a hand up to cup the side of your jaw and neck

you pull away and his eyes are still closed

“hmmm,,, yeah”

you scoff and drop him back to half laying on your lap

“you’re such a dork”

“yeah but i’m your dork now so it’s embarrassing for both of us”

“aw i wouldn’t have it any other way <333”

“is it just me or was that sarcasm”

“just you <3333”

renjun, who has been rOOTING FOR YOU GUYS THIS ENTIRE TIME

screams when you call him that night lol

literally SCREECHES

chenle happens to be with him and screeches eVEN LOUDER

basically the whole group screams simultaneously they’ve been shipping it since day one

hyuck is a bit prideful so when you guys are out in public he’s not super affectionate but ,, when you’re not out

he’s wrapped around you like a koala and will never let go

you have to go pee? hold it

you’re dehydrated and dying? you can live off of his Love

your favorite activity to do together is BAKING because it never goes well no matter how hard you try

and although it usually ends in DISASTER it’s also a good time and afterwards duckie lets you curl up between his legs on the couch and nap uwu !

dating really didn’t change the dynamic between you two other than affection you still read each other to DUST on the regular lmao

no one gets too harsh tho bc you love each other and whatnot

ugh love ruins all the FUN doesnt it :/

donghyuck makes it his business to know exactly when it will rain and makes sure to be with you when it does

at the first sight of clouds he is in your house with board games and movies and snuggles to distract you !!! what a sweetheart

on days when it’s really bad you just climb into bed and bury your face in his chest while he talks about whatever comes to mind and distracts you

he also takes to slumping down and falling asleep on your shoulder whenever you have movie nights together and it’s so CUTE

his little heart shaped lips and his cheeks always end up smushed and he just looks adorable wow rip you

he’s obsessed with your cheeks he loves to cup your face while he talks to you and press gentle kisses to them during Sleepy Time or when you part ways in the school hallways

if he’s excited he’ll bound up behind you and wrap his arms around you and kiss your cheek real hard and then start babbling about whatever’s got him so worked up

basically, hyuckie is a boy full of sunshine and passion and sarcasm and he’s the best boyfriend you could ever ask for :’-)

503 notes · View notes

seraphinaleon · 5 years

Text

Soft Q&A

Tagged by @char-thenerd 💕

Rules: Answer the soft Q&A's and tag your five most recent followers and three of your biggest fans.

What's the smell of your favorite shampoo?

My favorite shampoo is a pantene shampoo so idk man. 😂

What's your aesthetic?

Pretty journals. Roses. Puppies. Cats. Big bad wolf. Lavenders and black roses. Loud rock and metal music. Loud kpop music. Tattoos. Gummy bears and cola cans. Crying in the corner where no one can see your true pain. Sunrise over a graveyard. Ocean waves with a mermaid's tail. Colorful hearing aids.

What's your favorite time of the day and why?

6AM because of the sunrise.

What do you like the most about the beach?

Riding the waves without a board to use.

What do you worry about constantly?

My anxiety and depression. Also my dreams. I don't want my mental illnesses to take anything else from me. I'm worried I lost one of my biggest dreams bc of them. I worried that with every dream I want to achieve that I won't be able to in what's left of my life.

What is a song you've cried to before?

Hold on by Jonas Brothers.

Here I Am by Renee Sandstrom.

Hikikomori by Yongguk.

My Immortal by Evanescence.

Who Knew by P!nk.

Fucking Perfect by P!nk.

Tomorrow by BTS.

Reflection by RM.

I could go on for days tbh.

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

If you have a dilemma I would suggest talking to someone you trust or to someone you know won't judge on anon if you fear exposure. Listen to music that helps you cry and turn your mind to realize the real reason you are crying something out. Allow yourself to know it is not irrelevant to cry over anything small or big. Also watch relaxing videos of someone you look up to. Or watch some comedy shows or movies that you like. (P.S this is stuff I do. It may not work for you but I do suggest trying some of these if you think it may help)

What are some things that make you tear up?

I don't think I've shared this quite yet expect to one girl on here (I think?). I've told y'all that I have an injury that is taking longer for me to get through because of my depression. How it happen was I got hit by a car. The injuries weren't bad but I am lucky to be alive. The trauma I suffered from the shock of it on top of some other things from my past and present have been causing alot of tears from this chick here. Also Hikikomori. I relate to that song with every fiber of my being. I never thought anyone could ever write a song that describes that part of me which is a huge part of me btw. Jonghyun's voice never fails to make me cry.

What is your favorite from each sense?

Sight- sunrise. Sunset. Paintings. Writings. Graveyards.

Smell-Lavender. Orange juice. Strawberry. My mother's perfume. My father's cologne. Japanese cherry blossom candles, perfumes etc. Fried chicken.

Taste-Fried Chicken. Orange juice. Strawberry banana smoothie. Fuego takis. Mushroom swiss burgers.

Sound- Music. Especially music where you can feel the emotions off of them. Got7 talking. B.A.P talking. Pinkett-Smith family during red table talk. Rain. Jonghyun's voice.

Touch- silky blankets. Skinship. Kisses especially. The feel of a new journal (I know this is weird but omg)

What's an alternative reality you'll like to live in?

One where my parents aren't addicts and I was never raped or verbally abused.

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

Right now? Getting through this injury while also fighting my depression. I'm trying to not become a shut in again.

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

I don't remember a lot of from reading an actual book but one time I read this angsty story with Jongup where the reader was kidnapped and the kidnapper was going to rape her but Jongup saved the day and the happiness that the writer put in the relationship that was between Jongup and the reader made me cry.

Say something to your followers:

I know I don't actually have a lot of followers who actually care about this blog but to each and every one of you thank you. Please talk to me more I'm a lonely little chick over here. But if you don't want to I understand. I love y'all. Maybe once in a while some of you let me know how y'all doing? 😘

I tag:

Most recent followers:

@penmaries @rozegolden @eashmo201 @blueishbts @joanneology

Three biggest fans (I did this one without tagging those above again)

@kpopisthereasonihavenolife @hihello-youngk @tattooedbabymin

PLEASE DON'T FEEL PRESSURED TO DO THIS LOVELYS.

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thing-you-do-with-that-thing · 6 years

Text

The Dreams in which I’m Dying

Pairing: Dean x Reader / Jensen x Reader (it will make sense when you read it)

Squares Filled: Insanity AU for @spnaubingo and Mental Illness for @spnangstbingo

Warnings: Severe schizophrenia and another one but in the tags cause spoiler.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 2600ish

A/N: This one is written for @spnaubingo and @spnangstbingo. It is inspired by Gary Jules - Mad World and beware it’s angsty af.

It’s an AU btw so Jensen, Jared Briana and Misha aren’t actors.

Thanks to @like-a-bag-of-potatoes for being a sweetheart and betaing this one for me.

Disclaimer: I know the effects of drugs doesn’t wear off this fast but it is fiction and I needed to fit it with my story.

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

SPN AU BINGO MASTERLIST - SPN ANGST BINGO

The rumble of the train wheels on the tracks seemed to lull the world around you to sleep. Expressionless, morning tired people surrounded you; lost in thought and their own minds. Thoughts of their daily doings and mind numbing routines, while you desperately searched the train for something new or out of order to distract your own mind.

All the things you used to love no longer seemed to hold any meaning to you. Nothing seemed to be worth getting out of bed for anymore, but you still did. For him. Jensen seemed to be so happy that you were doing better, and to the outside world you were. You hadn’t had an episode for months, not since you had left the hospital. Not since you had started taking the medication that numbed your mind, leaving you an empty shell of yourself.

You were running through the forest, falling over branches trying to get away from the pack of werewolves. Sam had gotten hurt, and you needed to find Dean. He had to be out here somewhere. He had to be. Suddenly one of the werewolves were next to you, grabbing your arm, snarling at you. You kicked and fought, trying to get away from it, but without luck.

“Let go of her! I got this.” Dean’s voice sounded and you, with one solid kick to the werewolf’s shin you got lose, running straight into Dean’s waiting arms.

“It’s okay. You’re safe,” he muttered against your hair, holding you close, but your panic didn’t cease.

“The wolf. Dean shoot it,” you yelled, trying to get lose, but Dean held you close, not allowing you to move.

“It’s gone. Just look at me Y/N. It’s me. Jensen.” Dean’s hands rested against your biceps and you looked up at him in confusion. What was he saying? His name wasn’t Jensen. He was Dean. Your Dean.

“We met second year of college. You were a photography major. I was picking up Jared and you needed a ride too. You were in one of his classes,” with the mention of the name Jared an image of Sam appeared in your head and your body started to shake. You were scared. What was happening to your mind. You felt as if you were going crazy.

“You’re Y/N Ackles. You married me June 5th on the shores of lake Austin. You’re at the mall. Jared cut his hand on a bottle and you ran off. Y/N you’re safe. I’m right here,” his voice was calm as he kept looking into your eyes. Your vision was blurry from the tears but slowly you started to recognize your husband.

“Jensen.” You threw yourself into his arms and you felt him breathing a sigh of relief as he held you close, allowing you to cry against his chest, completely ignoring the whispers around him and the guard giving him an angry glare as he limped away.

You took a deep breath, reminding yourself you needed them. You needed them to tell real from imagination. You needed them to stay in this world with Jensen and not float into the other world, the world you couldn’t let your husband know you missed.

Even if you had almost died in that world more than once, leaving you screaming in public places like this one, everything still meant something there. Your job wasn’t mindless and done on routine like the job you held in this world. You helped people, and no matter how scary the monsters of that world was at times, he was still with you. He got you through it all.

Dean Winchester wasn’t real, you knew that. He looked just like your husband and he shared a lot of his qualities. Loyalty and heart. You missed Dean, even though you saw Jensen every day. Jensen was the love of your life and you never wanted to leave him, but the world with Dean was simpler. The monster weren’t your own mind. They were all around you and he could actually see them, help you fight them. Together you saved people and your life mattered. In this world you weren’t so sure.

You went to work, filing and cataloging just like you did everyday. Everything was done on routine and nothing took much thought, so instead you let your mind drift to the world that felt so real when you were there. Even now, thinking back on it, it felt as real as memories, and not images spun by your own sick mind.

You thought about mornings in the Bunker, waking up in Dean’s arms. You thought about how urgent and desperate he would always kiss you, like this moment could be your last together. Which was the truth of your life with Dean. Every moment could be the last. Dean Winchester was a hero and he would give his own life in a heartbeat to keep someone else safe. You knew you could lose him every hunt you went on and he knew he could lose you, because as hard as he tried to make you not take risks for him, you didn’t know how not too. You would give your life for him.

Your phone vibrating in your pocket pulled you from your daydream and back to the world you were in and the man you married 8 years ago. You sucked in a breath, your eyes welled up with tears as you read the text over and over again.

I thought about it. If you wanna try I think we should talk to Dr. Collins about your meds. I love you honey. I want us to be a family too.

You had wanted a baby for years. You and Jensen had argued about this so many times, but you’d never expect him to give in. He was worried that you would have to go off your meds to carry a child. He was worried what that would mean for your sanity, and he worried what your meds would do to the child if you stayed on them. He had been so scared he had never even been okay with you bringing the subject up with your doctor, so him sending you this text was a huge step for the two of you. So huge that you instantly felt guilty about dreaming yourself away to another world where he didn’t even exist.

You knew there was a reason that Dean looked like Jensen. You weren’t betraying him. You were taking him with you into another place when your mind couldn’t deal with the one you were in. You and dr. Collins had talked about this alot, so much that most of the guilt had gone and Jensen had never once blamed you for anything. He had stood by you through every episode, through every admission and relapse. He had always been there and you knew he always would be.

You knew that your mind wasn't t escaping the people you loved, but you never understood completely why your mind disappeared into another world then. Everyone you loved were always there with you. Dr. Collins looked like the angel Castiel. Jensen’s childhood friend and best man at your wedding Jared, was a spitting image of Dean’s brother Sam, while your best friend Briana still looked completely like your other world best friend Donna Hanscum. If you weren’t leaving anyone behind and you so desperately wanted a family with Jensen, who you loved so much it hurt at times, then why did your mind escape reality?

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you sat in the same corner booth you always sat in, riding the train home from work. You knew that everything you wanted with Jensen wasn’t possible. You knew because you had tested it, without telling him. There was a reason your other world was so clear in your mind today. You hadn’t taken your meds last night like you usually did. You had wanted to prove to him you didn’t need them,that you could go a few months without and give him the child you knew he wanted, even if he was scared to admit to it. You wanted to prove he could trust you with your child. But all that you had proven was that you couldn’t.

Jensen wrapped his arms around you from behind and you smiled. You felt the warmth from his body spread to your own as you leaned back against him. He always made you feel so safe and loved, no matter how bad you were feeling or how numb from the meds, that flowed through your system.

“Morning Dean,” you teased, and you instantly felt him tense up. You twirled around in his hold with a huge grin on your face, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’m kidding Jay.”

“Not funny,” he groaned, pulling you closer to him kissing you again, smiling when he felt you smile against his lips. “Stop it,” he dug his fingers into your sides, making you squeal and try and escape him.

“I give,” you laughed and Jensen chuckled kissing you again before he released his hold on you with a sigh. He didn’t really seem eager to leave for work either.

“Is it gonna be a long day on set?” you asked, instantly feeling the rush of panic when you saw the confusion on his face.

“Set? What are you talking about Y/N/N?” Jensen asked, the worry evident in his eyes.

“I… erhm,” you desperately searched your brain that all morning had been convinced Jensen was an actor and the Dean of your other world came from the tv show Supernatural he was working on. You dug through the information in your brain until different memories started to surface.

“Weren’t you going on that shot with Jared? To interview that director guy? Kripke something?” you quickly tried to cover up, hoping the new information that your husband was a journalist working with his photographer best friend Jared was real.

Jensen seemed to calm down instantly as he sent you an overbearing smile, “that is next week baby.”

“Oh.. sorry. Must have gotten the dates mixed up,” you mumbled, looking down trying to hide your tears. He couldn’t know. You didn’t need to worry him. You just had to take your meds as soon as you got home from work. You couldn’t before because they would just make you fall asleep during lunch if you did.

“It’s okay Y/N,” Jensen chuckled, kissing your cheek. “You know I got the memory of a goldfish. If I didn’t have Jared I would never show up at the right places at the right times,” he grinned trying to make you feel better. You loved that about him, but right now there was nothing he could do, so you just faked it, smiling back at him like so often before when the cracks started to show.

The house was still empty and quiet when you got home. It wasn’t unusual for Jensen to work late, so you simply headed upstairs going straight for your medicine cabinet, before you stopped yourself.

The last case you remembered working with Dean had been a Djinn. Wasn’t this a dream life? A life without monsters? A life with Jensen who looked just like Dean. Jensen who loved you just as much as Dean loved you and would do anything for you just like Dean. A life that made it possible for you to maybe have a family. Sure there were cracks, but Dean had told you Djinn’s don’t make the dreams perfect. Perfect is not believable. What if this was the fake reality? What if you weren’t insane? What if it was all a Djinn dream?

You desperately tried to remember how Dean had woken himself up, as the panic started to overtake you and you threw the pills against the wall. The bottle shattered and the capsules flew everywhere. You were alone in this world. You couldn’t trust your own mind and Dean wasn’t here to help you with this monster. You had to get back to him and you had to figure this out all on your own.

You fell forward, heaving for breath, clinging onto the bathroom sink trying to hold yourself up. You couldn’t leave him, not like this. You needed to get back to reality. You needed to get back to Dean. You looked up meeting your own panicked eyes in the mirror and suddenly you knew. You can’t die in a dream. You’ll wake up before you do. All you had to do was make your body think it was dying and you’d be back with him.

Your fist went through the mirror making the glass shatter and your blood stain the pieces now glistening up at you from the sink. You didn’t feel anything as you looked down, selecting the biggest piece as you let yourself slide to the floor, with your back resting against the tub. You twisted the glass between your fingers, looking at your own reflection within it. This world wasn’t real. You needed to get back to Dean.

You barely felt as if you were moving, but you saw it. It was your hand holding the glass as it slid across your wrist. It was your blood painting your pants and the floor. It was your blood dripping down onto your other arm as your hand slit your second wrist open.

You let your head rest against the tub and closed your eyes, waiting for your body to start to believe what was happening. To start believing it was dying and for Dean to come and find you. You lost track of time and sense of everything around you, but you smiled when you heard him. His footsteps and his voice as he rushed to your side.

“Oh my God. Y/N. Baby. What did you do?”

You opened your eyes, your vision was blurry as you saw him rips his shirt tying up your wrists.

“Dean you came,” you muttered as you watched him pull his phone from his pocket dialing 911.

“Stay with me, Y/N/N. I’m right here,” he tenderly brushed your hair away from your face, pulling you against him as he started talking into the phone.

“My wife. She slit her wrists. Please hurry,” his voice almost cracked but you didn’t really hear him, not until you heard your own name. “Y/N Ackles. There’s blood everywhere. Please…”

Your husband’s panicked voice along with the memory of the happiest day of your life was what brought your mind reeling back to reality.

“Jensen I’m sorry,” your voice were barely above a whisper. You were so tired and cold. So tired. “I didn’t mean too… I’m sorry.”

The phone dropped from Jensen’s hand as he pulled you impossibly closer against him, pressing his hands down against your wrists. You could hear the pain in his voice as he tried to get you to fight.

“It’s okay Y/N/N. I know. Stay with me please. You can fight this. You’re so strong baby, please don’t leave me.” His voice got lower and lower as your vision faded to black. The warmth from his body didn’t spread to yours, not this time. You stayed cold as you lied dead in your husband’s arms, not hearing his pained cry of your name as you left him forever.

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tayrae515imagines · 7 years

Text

Tied Down

Requested: Yes by the lovely @yehpyahp

can i get 61, 67 and 100 with bucky please? you’re writing is so incredible by the way and i love reading your work x

Warnings: Cursing, depression. Sexual themes.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Summary: Bucky doesn't believe he's good enough for you and that thought pushes him to hurt you before you can hurt him. At least that’s what he told himself. Inside he feared the winter solider would come back and he didn't trust himself enough to stay.

Prompt 61- “You broke up with me! Remember?”

Prompt 67- “You can’t do this!”

Prompt 100- “I did it for your protection!”

Authors Note: Thanks for your request! Hope you like it! Also.....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT! I’M CRYING! I am actually very proud of this one. Not edited because I’m me.

Btw the song lyrics I used are ‘Tied Down by Jaymes Young.’ Highkey recommend his music..exspecialy dark magic.

Bucky was a flight risk. You always knew this. You had excepted that one day you would get burned but you couldn't deny the part of your soul that ached for him. For his touch, his laugh, his love. When he loved it was with his whole heart, his entire being. You felt secure and safe in his arms even in times of war and crisis. You felt loved and at home because Bucky was your home.

When you first met you were instantly pulled into his waves of chaos, like an anchor you drowned. You made it your mission to bring the old Bucky out of him. The Bucky, Steve had told you about. You succeeded but not before giving him a part of your heart.

That’s why the letter you were holding in your fragile hand hurt so much.

Dear (y/n),

I can’t do this anymore. I can not just lay in bed holding you close and forget about the monster I am. I know you tell me all the time it wasn't me, but it was and I know one day you will wake up to realize this. That’s why I can not keep this up. I can’t allow myself to get hurt and I can’t hurt you. It’s only a matter of time before that part of me comes back and I will NOT allow you to be there when he does. I’m sorry but we are over.

Tears flowed from your (y/e/c) like raindrops from the sky. The sobs leaving your mouth shook your body and the world seemed to crumble apart. You had always known one day you would get burned but you didn't expect an inferno to erupt inside your heart. You hadn't expected the flames to tear you down, but they did.

The time didn’t stop and the world went on but, not for you, not without him. Your mind trapped you in the small room Bucky and you had once shared. The white sheets became your sanctuary and you isolated yourself from the world.

Hours, days, weeks had passed but you didn't move. It was unhealthy you knew and if it wasn't for Wanda and Steve leaving small meals outside your door you didn’t really know how you would have been.

It was now almost three weeks you had stayed within the four walls and you had planned to stay there until you heard a knock on your door.

“Go away.”

The words left your dry throat in a small voice. The door opened despite your protest and in walked Wanda.

“You need to get up (y/n).”

Her accented voice rang through your ears and you turned away from her, your head now facing the window looking out to see a light drizzle covering the street below you.

“Don’t ignore me. It’s been weeks this isn’t healthy. He wouldn't have wanted this.”

Quickly turning to face her you stood.

“I don’t care what he would want! He left me, Wanda! Without even a proper goodbye.”

You picked up the small piece of paper of your nightstand, the one that shattered you.

“He couldn't even tell me in person! He left a bloody piece of paper.”

Wanda looked straight into your eyes and saw your broken soul. Gently she grabbed the piece of paper from your hand with and with a sigh she sat you down.

“Let’s go out tonight. Let’s have one night free of Bucky thoughts. Alright?”

“I can’t.”

Your voice was soft and cracking at the thought of forgetting Bucky. You couldn't imagine life without him, even the memory of him no matter how painful it was.

“You can and you will. It’s not forever (y/n). You are allowed to have fun.”

She was right and it brought your rage to the surface. How was this fair? He gets to just leave you broken and live his life. Standing you looked in the mirror and saw your reflection. Broken. For once you didn’t want to feel broken.

“I-I don’t have anything to wear.”

Wanda smiled widely and stood.

“Don’t worry about that. I've got you covered.”

With a raise of your eyebrow, Wanda pulled you out of your room and into hers where Natasha stood with a wide smile.

“It’s about time. I miss our little firecracker.”

Natasha said with an amused tone causing you to roll your eyes.

“Sit. Let us get to work.”

Wanda demanded, pushing you gently into a chair situated in the corner of the room. About an hour passes as the girls started to swarm you, makeup was being applied to your sensitive skin and your hair was being brushed out.

“When was the last time you got ready (y/n)?”

With a light shrug, you answered.

“I took a shower this morning.”

There was a slight silence as the girls went back to work. Natasha walked to the small closet in the corner and pulled out a black dress.

“Put this on.”

Deciding not to argue you did just that and looked in the mirror. You couldn't help but grin at what you saw. You saw the old you, the you that smiled at the stupidest things and made snarky remarks. The you everyone called firecracker because that’s what you were. Bright, loud, and colorful. All the best qualities about yourself seemed to vanish when he did and now you felt like they were coming back.

Your (y/h/c) was down in light waves and the makeup on your face was light but highlighted all your best features. The black dress hugged your body perfectly. It was sexy but also conservative. With a deep breath, you turned to face the girls.

“Let’s go.”

With more wide grins and eager nodded the three of you headed out to a club near the tower. It was a decent sized club not too large yet not so small you were sardines.

The first thing you did when you entered the club was go to the bar. If anything was going to make this night tolerable, alcohol was that. The first drink you ordered was gone in mere minutes and you had another in your hand. Sitting on one of the old bar stools you looked over at Wanda and Nat on the dance floor. You couldn't help but let a smile graze your face as you watched them.

“Care to dance?”

Turning around you saw a man with his hand outstretched to you. He was fairly good-looking, light brown hair and green eyes adorned his tan face. After a short internal debate, you took his hand. Tonight was your night to have fun, to forget.

The man led you to the dance floor and with the alcohol kicking in you quickly pressed your back against his front and let your hips sway. His hands came and held your waist the two of you coming into a steady pace. All the thoughts in the world were leaving your mind and you were having a good time until the song changed.

These days the lovers trade their places Dancing all around each other's chairs I can see the numbness on their faces Jealousy fills up their hearts in pairs So please could I be selfish with your body?

'Cause I don't think I could share you with nobody

The world came back into focus quickly and you felt your head start to spin, bile rose in your throat and you had to stop dancing to steady yourself.

Please. Not this song.

Oh when I have you I'm gonna brand you with my lips And all of the world will know that you're mine now We'll never lose faith 'Cause we'll never forget this taste

My love has the power to keep you tied down

The reality of your current position became aware and you tried to pry the man's grip off your hips. This was your and Buckys song and every pain you had felt was coming back. Guilt ran through your bones despite the fact you had nothing to be guilty for.

“P-please. I can’t.”

“Oh come on sweetheart.”

He pulled you closer to him, his lips connecting with your neck. Tears fogged your eyes and you felt dizzy.

Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh ill get you tied down, tied down

Frantic now you wiggled against him, your nails digging into his hands. He quickly moved his grip off your waist and looked at the blood dripping from his hands.

“What the hell is your problem? Bitch!”

“Hey! Do not talk to her like that!”

Wiping your head around at the new but familiar voice you saw him. His black hair hanging just below his chin, his blue eyes had a flame of rage behind them and he approached the man you had just been dancing with. His metal and flesh hand grabbed the man by his collar and lifted him slightly off the ground.

“You don’t talk to a lady like that!”

Ohh, late at night you'll hear the screaming echo But we all pretend we never heard the cries in the daytime Don't you worry my touch won't leave you hollow I'm never going to let you change your mind

The world was suddenly becoming too much. Wobbling out of the room you took a seat in the empty hallway, leaning against the wall. You ran a hand through your hair and tried to steady your breathing.

Oh, when I have you I'm gonna brand you with my lips And all of the world will know that you're mine now We'll never lose faith 'Cause we'll never forget this taste My love has the power to keep your tied down

“(Y/n)?”

Looking to your left you saw him. Perfect as always he stared at you with concern which only enraged you.

“You can’t do this!”

“Do what?”

“You can’t just leave me and then show up out of the blue and save me. You can’t look at me like that!”

“I just wanted to check on you. Good thing I did, your taste in men has definitely gone downhill.”

He grumbled the last worlds and you saw red. How dare he? You had the right to do whatever you wanted to with whoever.

“You broke up with me! Remeber?”

“I did it for your protection! Not so you could get drunk and dance with random douchebags.”

“Did it for my protection? Please don’t fool yourself Bucky! You were scared so you ran away. Let me ask you something. If you were so afraid of having feelings and of me then why did you stay? Why did you pull me close? You messed with my head!”

Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied, ohh Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down

“You only wanted to fix me (y/n)! That’s all I was to you a project. You didn’t care about me.”

“Is that truly what you think! You taught me how to love Bucky. You showed me how utterly amazing it feels to have someone care about you and then you just left and you taught me what its like to stay up till midnight crying my eyes out, you taught me heartbreak. If I only wanted to fix you I wouldn't have cared!”

“(Y/n). I-”

“I love you.”

You stated firmly, emotion dripping off your tongue and into your words.

“With every piece of my shattered heart but if that isn't enough for you then let me go. Not over some piece of paper and a half-assed note you left last minute. Look me in the eye and tell me. If I can’t have your heart then you don't get mine. That isn't how it works. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me. Let me go Bucky.”

“I can’t.”

And with that his lips were against yours, sparks radiated your body. His strong hand gripped your hips roughly and his metal hand caused chills to erupt on your skin. You moved your hands into his hair and toughed lightly causing a groan to come from him. The kiss was filled with passion and an unspoken love.

Don't be afraid to leave your mark Give me the scars to remind me Just how good you are (how good you are) And if your faith turns into to dark Pull me closer and know That it's enough to keep you tied down

You pulled him closer to you and moved your hands to the bottom of his shirt, his tongue licked your bottom lip begging for an entrance and you complied. You jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist and he pushed you up against the wall his lips moving to your neck, a soft moan left your lips and you through your head back in ecstasy.

Everything was drawing you in. His touch, his taste, his smell. Every fiber of your being craved him as his did for you. The world was fading away and you two were all that mattered. The lights flickered in the narrow hallway you two occupied and he pulled away softly.

His deep blue eyes locked with yours and you saw the lust and passion that took over his irises.

“I love you (y/n). I don’t want to be away from you any longer. I can’t. I need you, crave you. I’m so sorry. I should have never left. I. Am. So. Sorry.”

“Don’t ever leave me again James.”

“Never. I love you.”

You pushed your lips to his again and the sparks came back, filling the small space once more. In those couple of moments, your world was being pieced back together and you felt whole again.

Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Ohh, I'll get you tied down, tied down Tied down Ohh

Tag List:

@petah-parkah-and-potahtas @lesfleurslily @xxladybananaxx @hp-world-imagines @messrs-howler

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #marvel #marvel imagine #imagine #imagines #oneshot #captin america #winter soilder #winter solider imagine #winter solider x reader #avengers

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mommafloradevereaux · 5 years

Text

Me Without You || Part 2 || End

Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, religious beliefs, Mental Illness and many feels.

Who: Flora & Family When: Sometime in December of 2018 Where: Devereaux Family home - Louisiana. What: Flora’s brothers discover Flora’s broken state in their family home and call Rose to save the day. AN: Decided on just two parts, enjoy the end! Rose is Flora’s younger sister, btw. Part one - Here

Part 2.

It was nearing the end of December and by this time Flora’s siblings started to catch on. Magnolia kept using the excuse that Flora was asleep every time they came over. Eventually, Tucker had enough and went into the room to check on Flora. “Jesus. Bud, get in here.” Flora was in some kind of unresponsive state, she was breathing but she just sat and stared. The smell alone was enough to make Tucker gag, “Marmee, paw, what are you doing to her?” When Buddy walked in and saw Flora he balled his fists and turned to his parents.

“We have everything under control.” Magnolia was quick to defend herself.

“Marmee, this is not under control.” Tucker motioned to his sister frantically.

“What Flora needs some help and this is not helping.” Buddy was by Flora’s side, checking her over.

“We’ve been praying.” Magnolia crossed her arms.

“Prayer!” Tucker scoffed.

“Marmee, prayer will not heal her mind, she needs a doctor.”

“So they can lock her up and drug her, no, no-” Magnolia argued.

“I’m calling Rose,” Buddy pulled out his cell phone and all the while Magnolia argued. “It’s Flo, you need to get over to the house. Yes, as soon as you can, preferably right this second.”

It took Rose about twenty minutes to leave work and get to the family home. Soon as she walked in and saw Flora she rushed to her side.

“Oh, Flo.” Rose walked over and cupped her sister's face, kissing her forehead. “Has she been speaking, eating, anything but staring off?”

“She sits,” Owen added from the doorway.

“I feed her soup, anything I can get her to swallow.” Magnolia looked defeated.

“Marmee, she is skin and bones. I know you want to help her but you can’t, she needs medicine.” Rosie sighed and instantly got to work and gave orders to her brothers. “She needs to be properly cleaned and then we will take her to the hospital.” Magnolia was right back to refusing but Rosie ignores her.

“It’s done, Maggie, let Rosie take over. We can not give her what she needs, we’ve done all we can.” Owen wrapped his arms around Magnolia and took her out of the room and left the kids to deal with Flora.

“What the heck were they thinking?” Tucker shook his head and sat down on the end of the bed. “Look at her, prayer, psh.”

“Tuck, it’s all they know.” Rosie placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder and sighed. “We’ll take over from here and she’ll get better. Get me a basin with warm water, please?” Tucker nodded and left to get what Rose needed. “Bud, should we tell the kids?”

“I don’t know if she’d want them to see her like this but I’ll call them.” When Tucker came back in with a basin of water and a washcloth, Rosie shooed them away. She knew that Flora would not feel comfortable with her brothers seeing her exposed body.

“I’m going to clean you, Flora, it’s just me.” Rosie got to work and cleaned her properly. When she was cleaned she guided Flora to the chair in the corner. She stripped the bed that was very soiled and just a mess. All her life Flora took care of her and now it was her turn. “There, all clean and fresh as a daisy.” Another kiss to her temple, “You’re gonna be alright, Suga.”

Once Flora was dressed Rose got her brother to help her out into her car. Marmee was standing on the porch as Rose came out. “I made things worse, didn’t I?” Rose sighed and wrapped her up in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“You should have called me, Marmee. She was sitting on soiled sheets, she’s skin and bones. She won’t respond to anything and I know you meant well. You know I’m all for the power of prayer but first, she needs medicine. She needs doctors to stabilize her and bring her back to us and then we can focus on spiritual healing.”

“I was trying to-”

“I understand what you were trying to do.” Rose sighed and stepped back from her mother, “Flora has been through so much, I can not imagine how much she had gone through. Emotional and physical abuse, how she survived all these years I will never know.” Rose found out early on about the abuse at home, she tried to get Flora to leave but she refused. “I’ll get her settled in and call you when we know more. Okay?” Magnolia nodded and watched Rose get into the car and drive off.

By the time Flora’s kids got to Louisiana, she was already doing better. She was eating on her own and held small conversations. She felt better when her kids were around and they helped her through the next week. She knew her kids needed to get back to their lives, “I’m going to be just fine now, Aunt Rosie will take good care of me. You three have so much going on, I don’t want to keep you from that.” They didn’t want to leave but Flora was right, they had to get back. Juliette stayed for a few more days before she left, but not before giving an earful to her grandparents.

One night, Flora was helping Marmee dry dishes. She reached out to grab the next but realized none were left, blinking she turned to see Marmee sitting at the table, with two cups of tea. “Sit, bébé.” Flora nodded and sat down across from her mother, taking the teacup in her hand and sipping carefully.

“What is it, Marmee?”

“I want to know if you’re going to be okay?” She could see her mother’s eyes fill with tears. “I tried so hard to make things better but I failed you.”

“Marmee,” Flora moved to the chair closer to her mother and wrapped her arm around her. “I know you tried and I get that you meant well. I’m not mad at you, I love you.” Marmee wrapped her arms tightly around Flora and just held her. “Don’t cry, please.”

“I failed my baby, I failed you-” Marmee sobbed and just pressed kisses all over Flora’s face.

“No, this is not your fault. You only did what you thought was right. You couldn’t have known, you took care of all of us. You always did things on your own and you thought you could do what you always did. It just took a bit more than prayer and soup.” Flora sighed and rubbed her mother’s back. “I can’t say I’ll be completely fine but I’m better. Each day I get out of bed is a victory, right?” Flora sighed and just held on as her mother cried. “One thing I learned, mental illness is a real thing. I thought I could handle it with prayer but it did me no good. Bad thoughts just took over and made things worse and that’s when paranoia kicked in. I would turn a corner and swore I saw Russell but it wasn’t him.”

“I should have never told you to stay with that man.”

“I would have stayed anyway, I was scared. He made me believe everything was my fault but I know those were lies.”

“Where is he now?”

“They never found him, he’s still out there. They’ll find him, I need to keep saying it so I believe it.” Flora sighed and placed another kiss on her mother’s temple. “This helps me, sitting here, having tea. Being home with you and paw, it helps so much. You know what else will help?” Marmee shook her head, “Talking about what happened, telling my story. I know you believe in secrets, keeping things to protect others but I can’t be silent anymore. Silence will kill me and I need to be around for my babies. Do you understand?”

“No, but you do what you have to honey. I will love you no matter what, even if I don’t always agree with you kids- you’re adults.”

“I’ll take it.” Flora smiled sweetly and went back to sipping her tea. “I’m gonna start living my life again, Marmee. I need to be me again, I need to just open my heart to the Lord and He'll get me through. I got what I need medically but spiritually I need guidance.”

“You gonna stay?”

“Through Christmas but after the new year, I need to head home. I can’t hide, not anymore.”

End.

#p: me without you #sp: me without you #t: para #p: flora #t: flora #tw: depression #tw: abuse #tw: mental breakdown #tw: anxiety #tw: hospital #tw: domestic abuse #tw: religion

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aquarianlights · 7 years

Note

Are you okay?

For the most part, yeah. As you guys know, I’m currently living in my Uncles house in Massachusetts. I’m here until late August. My uncle is very abusive to me and my mom. I’m literally scared of him so I’ve been driving around places during the days so that I can get away from the house and not be home when he gets home, which is why I haven’t really been on tumblr because I usually just end up at the beach where there is really low signal and nothing will load on my phone. So I can’t go on FB or Tumblr while I’m out there. Which, I leave the house at like 10-11am, a few hours after I’ve woken up, and I stay out driving around/exploring or reading a book at the beach until my mom texts me that she is home.

My uncle is always yelling for no reason and has put a lot of restrictions on me, ie: when I can and can’t shower. The one time I asked him not to yell at me because I had had enough, he whipped around, slapped me, and screamed at me “Life’s tough, kid. Get over it.”. And on several occasions, he has yelled at me things like “You should know how to do this at your age.”, which makes me feel like I’m worthless and stupid. And he’s always slapping me across the cheek.

He also yells at my mom (his older sister) about things like “You should know how to get there. You lived here as a child.” when my mom had never been to that part of Massachusetts before. He’s always making us feel stupid and worthless. And he’s been saying really sexist things because he thinks “Men should be men and women should be women. Women should know their place.” Things like that. He thinks women are worthless and should be obeying the men in society so he looks down on my mother and me. (Since I appear as a woman, even though I’m a man.)

He has also hit and yelled at me for showering. Like, it’s hard enough to get up the motivation to shower when you have depression. The one time I take a shower during the week, he started screaming about how he had to take a shower downstairs without a towel or shampoo. Which is when he put a restriction on when I can and can’t shower. I’m not allowed to shower when he’s home. One of my coping mechanisms is taking a long, hot bath and he has said that I’m not allowed to take baths.

And then the neighbors complained that my mom parked in front of their house. Which, my uncle lives in a town house and all the houses are connected (like apartments, but a lot bigger) and my mother and I have to park on a public street coz there’s no where else to park. And sometimes there are so many cars parallel parked on the street, that we have NO CHOICE except to park in front of their house. So my uncle comes in and starts screaming at my mom that he “didn’t want to hear any sass from [her] mouth” because he “already heard it from the neighbors.”

He also threatens both of us on a daily basis. And when I finally asked my mom to talk to him about all this, she told me “It’s better to just keep quiet or we might get kicked out.” Which can’t happen right now because my mom has to work here until August and we’d have no where else to go. But, I’ve never seen my mom act so submissive. She’s always been the dominant one in my life. I’ve never seen her act anything except dominant. So this kind of hurts.

And then, the worst part for me, is that I can hear my uncle downstairs while I’m upstairs (coz he yells) and I can hear him talking about me to my mom behind my back. All bad things. “It’s bad enough [s]he is here, does [s]he really have to be so lazy?” Stuff like that. He doesn’t believe mental illnesses exist. He has explicitly told my mother that “people with this fake depression act are just lazy” and “people with this fake anxiety act need to man up and get over it”. Things like that. Also telling me “You don’t have any real problems. You need to get over it and do this this and this.” Blah blah blah. Stuff like that.

And right before my mom and I left for my uncle’s house a couple weeks ago, my father, who is schizoid, had a psychotic break. He had been hearing a radio for days and nights and hadn’t been getting any sleep because of it and for some reason, he thought he was hearing it from me (my bedroom is two floors above his, so???). So he ran up the stairs to my room at like 11pm and started banging on the door because he thought it was locked (I’m not allowed to lock my door anymore or my parents will take it off the hinges and I don’t lock it anymore and my dad knows that so Idk why he thought it was locked?). He never tried knocking or opening it. He just started banging on the door as hard as he could. I thought it was going to break. I also had an immediate panic attack because it was all silent, and suddenly someone was POUNDING on my door. The first thing I thought was “Oh god. One of my parents had a heart attack and I need to help”. But no. My dad was just hearing a radio and couldn’t sleep because of it. So I run over to the door which is all the way across my bedroom and there’s a queen sized bed in the middle of the room so I had to go around it. Took kinda long. The pounding got louder so I immediately wrenched the door open when I got to it. I didn’t even get to say “What’s wrong” before my dad had his hands around my throat. He pushed me onto the bed and tightened his grip and started SCREAMING at me “WHERE IS IT?” and I had no idea what he was talking about. But my mom heard, of course, and she came running up the stairs, asking in a panic what was wrong. When she rounded the corner to the loft I stay in, she saw my dad strangling me so she tried to pull him off of me, which she did, and he turned around and backhanded her. My mom started screaming at him and he’d scream back and I was just laying on the bed coughing, trying to get my breath back. And my dad was shouting “WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS IT?” and my mom kept asking “WHERE IS WHAT???” and finally he was like “THE RADIO. I KNOW [S]HE HAS IT SOMEWHERE UP HERE.” and my mom and I were both like “What??????” and my dad started strangling me again and this time my mom didn’t pull him off of me and she just kept talking to him and finally he released me and it dawned on him that he had made a terrible mistake. So he just started apologizing profusely and my mom lead him back downstairs and told me to wait in my room and she’d be up in a minute and I overheard them talking about the radio and how there was none and my dad was just profusely apologizing. And he eventually went back down to the basement and my mom came up and comforted me and told me what was going on. Then we left for Virginia the next morning.

And then when we got to my mom’s friends house in Virginia to stay the weekend before we drove to MA, I didn’t have any internet service all that time. And then we drove to MA and my uncle greeted us by screaming at us.

I honestly don’t know why my uncle is always yelling and so angry, but I can’t handle it because of the things I went through as a child. Hearing someone yell immediately gives me panic attacks and makes me cry hysterically where everyone can hear me even if I bury myself in a pillow. Which, if my uncle hears me crying, he hits me and tells me to “Get over it”.

My uncle also doesn’t want me “being lazy” and “staying around the house all day”, so I just leave almost as soon as I get up and drive around exploring or go to the beach until it’s safe to come home when my mom gets home. My uncle is pushing me to get a summer job, but I literally can’t because I have disability now and they’d take my disability away if I started working. So I had the idea to volunteer, but I haven’t been able to push my anxiety down enough to go turn in my applications to the various no-kill animal shelters I want to volunteer at. Because I don’t have anymore Ativan until next week because you can only transfer controlled substances once in your entire life to another Walgreens and I’ve already transferred them one time in my life. Which, btw, REALLY fucked up thing? Like, what am I supposed to do when I move????? Jfc. But the second I get my ativan, I’m going to turn in those applications. My anxiety has just been through the fucking roof lately. I can’t push myself to talk to people I don’t know right now. I guess coz I’m scared they are going to yell at me? I’m not really sure.

But I’ve had so many flashbacks since I’ve been here because of my PTSD. PTSD is why I can’t handle people yelling at me. My therapist has said I can have skype sessions with him, but I haven’t done it yet. I haven’t called him either, which I do in emergencies. Basically because I can’t find the courage to talk to someone on the phone or skype because I’m so anxious. I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally need that Ativan prescription.

SO, I mean, that’s not all that’s happened. That’s barely scratching the surface. I can’t even tell you guys how many times I have almost caved to cutting or attempting suicide since I’ve been here. My mom and I have been in a few fights, mostly verbal. And I have screwed up parallel parking SO many times because I’m reaaaally not good at parallel parking and I get yelled for it by my mom AND my uncle because I “should know how to do that by now”. Which…I’ve only had to parallel park maybe three times in my entire life before this??? So… Idk.

My uncle also will not leave the house without his really old dog. And he makes him stay in the car while he’s working or going out to eat or going to the gym. The one and only time he will not take the dog with him is when he is golfing. I just don’t know how anyone could be so cruel. I’m surprised the dog hasn’t died from heat stroke in one of the summers yet. I’m also surprised he hasn’t been stolen. I just don’t understand how he can be so cruel. He also screams at the dog constantly and won’t let him in his room. Which, the dog is too old to climb stairs anyways, but he still never lets him upstairs, even when he was a puppy.

I just…ugh. I legit hate people who leave their dogs in their car. Idk how anyone could be so cruel.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being in MA. Massachusetts has been my favourite state in the US since I was really little. I’ve always wanted to live here. And I might be moving here with a friend I met over tumblr about a year from now. I love how the weather is still cold. It’s 55 degrees F out right now. So nice! *-* I can’t stand summer. Lol. I don’t ever want it to be hot. I wanna wear comfy coats all year round tbh.

ALSO I’m getting to go meet/visit about 10 friends (all of which I’ve met over Tumblr in the past few years) during the next couple month. I also get to see one of my long-time high school besties and her husband and baby, neither of whom I’ve ever met. I’m really, really excited. I get to start leaving to see people on the 8th of this month. Which is coming up really soon! It’s the 2nd now. *-* Much excite!

BUT ANYWAYS

Yeah, I know my queue ran out, which has never happened since I have had this blog like 5 years ago. I just haven’t had a lot of time with enough internet access to load things on tumblr mobile which is the only way I have been able to get on Tumblr until literally right now. I promise I will start posting again soon. Gonna fill my queue up over the next few days. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone, you guys. :c I miss you all. Thank you for all the kind and concerned messages I’ve gotten during my absence.

Normally the only absence I take from Tumblr is when I get locked up in a psych ward, but I literally can’t chance that anymore so my suicide attempts and self harm are over. Which is amazing and a really big step for me. Because if I get thrown in a ward right now, it would be a state ward because of all the wards I’ve been in since I was 18. And state wards are REALLY hard to get out of. I wouldn’t be able to handle being locked up like that. I’d legit go crazy and probably kill someone who worked there. I can’t handle being locked up at all. Psych wards are the worst thing that could happen to me/anyone. ._. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But you guys know that already. Lol.

Um. Anyways. I’m okay, in the lightest sense of the word. I’m not feeling too depressed, but I’m having a lot of flashbacks and recurrence of self harm/suicidal feelings.

It’s not a fucking wonder that my uncle’s wife and kid left him. I’m legit scared of him. And that is why I stay in the guest room where my mom and I are sleeping with the door closed pretty much all day when I get the balls to stay home. I don’t want to leave MA because I absolutely love MA, but I miss Echo like crazy. It’s hard being away from my pupper for so long. :/

I’m sick of being yelled at and I’m sick of being slapped/hit. I can’t even defend myself or demand an apology because of the threat of him kicking us out. My mom won’t even talk to him about it because of that. I just can’t wait to leave to see my friends and stay with them for a while in other parts of MA.

I mean, we have a lot of family up here that would take us in, but none of them are close to my mom’s work like my uncle is.

I’m sorry I haven’t been on Tumblr in weeks now. I know I worried a lot of people. But it basically comes down to a lack of good internet reception. ._. If I can’t get things to load, what is the point of being on Tumblr??? Lol. I’m a LOT more active on FB. So if you guys have a FB, just search for Riley Roswell and find the picture of the boy with pink and blue hair. Lol. :p

Thank you for being concerned and sending me a message. Ily.

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gulescamisade · 7 years

Text

Minnesota: Day 4

JAKE: -Another night is going by, he's pretty sure. And he's so sweaty, hungry, and thirsty. If their captors had left food or water for him, Jake promptly turned it down as he felt was the NATURAL THING TO DO. He heard what became of those mushroom tests from LOWAS. None of this was exactly ideal... He groans miserably, rubbing his tum of awful hunger pains. The headaches and dry throat.-

JAMES: -continuing his meditation and fasting. Energy continues to be conserved and though he is hungry, it's not the worst he's experienced. He only hopes the fact that it's gone quiet these past few hours can only be a good thing. No news is good news, James tells himself. It's the only thing he can do.-

ROXY: =Things seem quiet..... she leans against her wall and tap tap........ who's next to her. TAPS=

JAMES: -The only one who is paying attention is James. Leans back to the wall and taps in response.-

JAKE: -curled up in a ball, having cried himself into another headache nap.-

ROXY: =Baby no........ she taps out [HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTT] in morse code then POOFs over into the next cell.=

JAMES: -sitting crosslegged with his whole button up and slack combos. Professional even in these dire circumstances. James looking a little haggard what with his hair out of place, but still alert. Ready for action if need be.- ROXY.

JAMES: ....I AM RELIEVED TO SEE YOU.

JAMES: YOU ARE NOT HURT, ARE YOU?

ROXY: =She's definitely been sweating but she didn't wanna flaunt her powers too much since they expect shit of her but... she can't just. Let them go without. Whoever else is here. She rushes over to him too= glad 2 see u too im fine

ROXY: u gotta grocery list? im ur gal call me target cuz wal marts 2 trashy and im the height of supermarket class

ROXY: not whole foods class tho thats borderin in2 pretentious

JAMES: -knits his eyebrows.- ...ARE YOU OFFERING FOOD?

ROXY: anythin u need that u can hide and food definitely

JAMES: -nods promptly- WATER. DRIED FRUIT. CRACKERS. PROTEINS. ANYTHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE.(edited)

ROXY: gotcha =she finger waggles up a storm dropping two sturdy sacks of water, dried fruits in thin bags along with crackers and little bite-sized pieces of protein bars=

JAMES: -seems to be wiggling something out of the sole of his shoe.-

JAMES: -as it turns out, it is a single playing card. Flips it over the supplies as kind of single-slot emergency sylladex and stores it away.-

JAMES: I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE. BUT QUICKLY.

JAMES: TEND TO THE OTHER PRISONERS. JAKE IS HERE.(edited)

ROXY: =That's so cool... and a good idea= hope u dont mind me stealin ur idea.....

ROXY: =gestures to the other wall= is he over here u think? =taps??? TAPS=

JAMES: IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. -What with hearing him yowl up a storm before.-

JAMES: TREAD CAREFULLY.

ROXY: never but ill try =two finger salute and BLIPS into the cell next to James'=

JAKE: -lying huddled in his corner like a sad dog, his back turned towards the door. Something about the BLIP stirs him awake, however, and he begins to wake up. Squinting with a bleariness around.- ....Rock and rolloxy?

ROXY: .....baby...... :C

ROXY: i gotta make it quick but do u need a hug?

JAKE: -it even hurts to cry but he's doing it anyway, rolling up to sit.- Yes... 8'C

ROXY: awww cmere =quickly shuffles over to give him a big strong hug=

ROXY: tell me wut u need and we can work it out... idk where we are and idk how many of us are in here....

ROXY: idk where everyone else is

JAKE: -weeps into her shoulder. Two smelly baras hugging it out.- Ive no idea either. Its—

JAKE: Cant i know if my sons are alright?? Oh rox its so cruel.

ROXY: i... wish i knew jakey boy.... if i could id get us a thing to try n get in2 this system but... that needs time and theyd be onto me lol...... not lol

ROXY: but well get outta this mess

JAKE: -scrubs at his face, so blotched and red with tears.- Well... well bust out of here! I know we will!

JAKE: And when we do they wont even know what hit them!

JAKE: Id do so right now if you gave the word. -looks off.- Maybe...

JAKE: Someone can help us?

ROXY: maybe but right now we can help each other =cups his face and kisses his forehead= ROXY: ill go scopin later.... try 2 see whats up

ROXY: maybe i can find every1

ROXY: but rn tell me what u need

JAKE: -smiles for the first time in a few days, warmed by the gesture. But then remembers what he's doing.- Shit uhh—

JAKE: Water and substantial edibles i think is a good start. -rubs his sad empty tum.-

ROXY: its the best start =smiles back at him then gets to work just giving him the same supplies she gave James= just hide em when someone comes u kno

ROXY: prison smugglin drills

JAKE: !!!

JAKE: Cripes this is just like magic...

JAKE: ... -looks around his cell.-

JAKE: Where ought i hide it?

ROXY: mmm ..... i might hafta steal a idea i saw from james hes ur neighbor btw

ROXY: =focuses......... tries to make the one dump sylladex card= this might work i think slip it in ur mustache lol or just like somewhere discreet

JAKE: Holy moly! -accepts the 1 dump sylladex card if she manages it.- Is this what i think it is?

JAKE: -Automatically believing that it's a 1 dump sylladex card so whether she DOES manage it, the card is already what she intends it to be.-

JAKE: -giving it a look over- :D

JAKE: -tucks it into the safety of his back pocket. Sitting on it now.-

ROXY: =bless u jake= good beans bby

ROXY: ill be back sometime keep ur spirits up ok?

JAKE: Yes ma am o whamma! -salutes her swiftfly. His spirits are in much better places than they were before.-

ROXY: good! =poof, she's outta there=

JAKE: -brimming with hope now and makes swift work of these dried fruits. Chugs what he can of the water.-

JAKE: -wiping off his mustache, he feels his willpower RENEWED. Better than ever.-

JAKE: -And if Roxy can pull her magic off, why the blazes can't he??? Jake rolls to stand, channeling that spark of hope to manifestation.-

(DIRK): -he puts the MAN in MANIFEST. extends leg, here is brain ghost dirk.-

(DIRK): Hey, that's the first time you summoned me consciously and not as the result of a homoerotic fantasy. Good job.

JAKE: -jumps as his voice comes up but brightens his scruffy self up immediately.- Dirk!

JAKE: Brain ghost! Youre here!

(DIRK): Yeah.

(DIRK): What are you gonna do with me now that I'm here? -lol and then what-

JAKE: -swiftly whaps the ishades off his face.- Give me that!

(DIRK): What the fuck. -covers his face. DON'T LOOK AT ME. he's being ironic mostly-

JAKE: -thrusting them onto his own face. Instant computer.- Hoo. Alright now. I need to contact the crew.

JAKE: Mind if i hornswoggle you of your pester client? Of course you do! -logging into his account.-

(DIRK): My pester client is imaginary, but alright.

JAKE: Huh? No its not? -It's not, Dirk. Look at it working. How??? Magic is how.-

(DIRK): -fucking incredible-

(DIRK): -obnoxiously hovers behind him-

(DIRK): It's almost like you have the ability to make anything a reality.

JAKE: -typing frantically, heart hammering as it actually DOES seem to work.- Shut up will you???

(DIRK): A dude summons you into his realm of existance just to tell you to shut up. Nice one.

JAKE: -Seeing everyone online makes his insides lurch painfully so he's only half paying attention to BGD. His franticness making his eyes water again as in the middle of the message, the connection severs.- Its—

JAKE: Its breaking up! -says with his concentration fizzling.-

(DIRK): Well don't give up.

(DIRK): Do something about it.

JAKE: Im trying damn you! Cant you see?? -says, clutching at the shades.-

(DIRK): And I'm telling you to try harder.

(DIRK): You have it in you to do this.

JAKE: -practically choking with frustration and wills the last bit of connection out of sheer spite. The last message gets through before cutting off completely.-

(DIRK): ...

(DIRK): There you go.

JAKE: -He is just never going to stop being tearstruck at this point. Obligatorily hands BGD his shades.-

JAKE: -His vision is swimming as his hand drops, looking at brain ghost now. Dirk knows Jake loves him doesn't he? Of course he does, a voice tells Jake predictably. It's what he wants to hear, it's the truth that he knows deep down in his heart and it's what BGD was basically scripted to say.-

JAKE: -So why was he still so miserable? He's gotta ask anyway.-

JAKE: He knows i love him right? Id do anything for him?

(DIRK): ... Of course he knows that.

(DIRK): He's probably driving himself up a wall cuz he can't tell you the same thing.

JAKE: -wipes at his nose.- I miss him something tremendous.

JAKE: You would think dodging near death experiences on a regular basis would make this easier to bear. But it doesnt.

JAKE: It really doesnt.

(DIRK): They're coming for you, you know. -he knows this because jake has to know this.-

(DIRK): ... -offers jake his hand to hold-

JAKE: -takes the hand, too dried up to cry in earnest anymore. His shoulders only sag.- At least i have you.

(DIRK): You'll always have me.

JAKE: -keeps their fingers twined together but gives up once their shoulders brush. Just rests his head against BGD, tired all over again.- Jeez louise dirk....

JAKE: Youre always so.

JAKE: You.

(DIRK): It's no coincidence. -leans on him too-

(DIRK): That's the way you want me to be.

JAKE: Shucks. Then i must be stock full of good ideas. -lets his eyes start to drift closed...-

(DIRK): Must be. -yes shhh sleep. it'll get better soon. just believe in that, jake-

JAKE: -having close company to fall asleep with is infitintely better than sleeping alone. Jake has decided this here and now.-

#tankedGnostomaniac #practicalFamiliar #gunhardyTemerity

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