#if you thinking i’m joking i’m not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

malewife-saber · 1 year

Text

i may be the only stinky obi wan lover but it’s a title i take very seriously.

25 notes · View notes

badolmen · 4 months

Text

WARNING 18+

19

#ra speaks #it’s a silly joke/pun dw #we stay silly :3 #edit:#woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/#10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water.#15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :]#20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then #25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today #30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3

37K notes · View notes

bioshzrd · 3 months

Text

this random ass guy who’s entire bit is that he can move like this is the only good wesker fan ever

#talking #edit: i changed the caption you guys are so annoying lmfao #i didn’t mean anything by it at all if you think i’m equating being old with bad that’s entirely a you problem.. someone easily 20+ years #older than me is in fact an old ass guy to me sorry i didn’t realize the uses tumblr at age 30-40 community was gonna stroll up on my post #you guys are so sensitive my god #i call one of my closest friends and family members who are all 10-20 years older than me old all the time you guys need to learn not to #take shit so seriously and also don’t lecture me on my joke post

9K notes · View notes

humanmaybe · 6 months

Text

I make my grilled cheese with garlic bread (aka just sprinkling garlic salt into the butter on the bread) and if I have it I will add goat cheese.

#poll #tumblr polls #grilled cheese #sex poll #sjshksgs #this is just bc I keep seeing the sex/dugs/club polls #and then also a ton of posts being mad about those polls lol????#so fuck you grilled cheese poll #I’m not sure how it correlates but I think the joke was we should make dumb polls more

3K notes · View notes

lazylittledragon · 5 months

Note

I feel like for Dorian and Astarion to become parents it would have to be an accident. Like, dorian finding it in the trash or some magical nonsense they find making one pop out of thin air. both of which I imagined seeing your funny comic XD (your art is precious by the way)

oh 100%, i was thinking today that they probably wouldn’t try and have one on purpose but maybe after several decades of therapy it wouldn’t be a nightmare if it happened unintentionally

anyway i pulled this out of somewhere and i hate it

#ramble #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #the idea of them accidentally conjuring a person somehow is very funny #i regret starting this as a joke because now i’m invested #although iirc neil newbon said he thinks he’d have children and i feel like i trust him #also before you say this is too mean. did you play the game

2K notes · View notes

a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 10 months

Text

More random Nimona headcanons

Bal is one of those people who isn’t allergic to anything except one random medication that no one uses

Ambrosius calls him a lucky bastard every time it’s brought up because he’s allergic to everything

His allergy list is at least three pages long and he doesn’t remember a single thing on that list

Whenever they go out to eat Bal has to remind him “No you can’t eat that it has olives” “Not that either love it’s got lemon” and so on

Most of his allergic reactions are pretty tame so he’ll eat it anyway

And it gives Bal and Nimona so much fucking anxiety

One time Bal walked in on Nimona chasing Ambrosius around the kitchen yelling “Spit out the carrots Nemesis you don’t even like them that much!!”

Whenever he eats alone he refers to it as a game of Russian roulette

Bal refers to it as the reason he has high blood pressure

Because Bal and Ambrosius grew up in the limelight (for very different reasons) there are a million pictures of them through the years

And they use those videos to bully the hell out of each other

Bal can quote the video from the beginning of the movie not because it was an important moment in his childhood

But because Ambrosius will quote it at the most random times throughout the day

Bal will do something small like kill a bug or chase out an animal that Nimona brought in

And he’ll hear Ambrosius mumble “I’m here to slay monsters and protect our kingdom”

He was a little worried Nimona would react badly to this habit but he started joining in

One time he killed a spider and Ambrosius asks “Are you slaying monsters moonbeam?” Nimona yells from the other room “I’m so proud of him he’s truly protecting our kingdom”

There are a million photos of baby Ambrosius on the internet

And Bal made a PowerPoint presentation ranking their cuteness factor out of 10 (100 was the lowest score he got and it was a picture of him with the ugliest bowl cut you’ve ever seen)

And made Ambrosius sit through it

That was the most loved and mortified he had felt in a long time

Nimona uses low-quality pictures of them as reaction photos

There have been times when Nimona asks “Can we eat out tonight” and Bal tells her no and she sends him this

He’ll text back “Is that my fucking wanted poster?!”

She asked Ambrosius if there was any ice cream left and he said no he expected her to call him and complain he didn’t expect this

He calls her yelling “When the fuck did that happen?!”

And she hangs up immediately to let Bal deal with it

3K notes · View notes

onlyhereforangst · 2 years

Text

fuck this handmaids tale country.

#abortion laws #abortion rights #roe v wade #I’m shaking with rage you don’t understand #roe v wade overturned #us supreme court #a bunch off ass backwards thinking jokes #fuck those who voted for this #fuck you trump and senate and house for barrett

26K notes · View notes

vinelark · 2 months

Text

i don’t remember if i ever shared this here, but a while ago i posted a little twitter thread about bats and gas station snacks and some very talented podficcers made a podfic of it! 🎧

[podfic] Jersey Vigilantes Don't Pump Gas by isweedan & reena_jenkins

original thread (text under the cut):

nested tweet reading: ever since i learned gotham is supposed to be in new jersey i can’t get this concept out of my head: [a badly drawn bumper sticker that says “jersey vigilantes don’t pump gas”] / quote tweet reading: the batmobile can’t just slip in and out of a gas station unnoticed. an employee HAS to go fill up the tank. meanwhile the tired night shift cashier knows the various robin eras because they come in to buy different snacks as time goes on.

one night while the manager is out filling *the literal batmobile* the cashier blinks and comes face to face with a child in a leotard and green boots, buying a pack of twizzlers. “thanks!” the first robin calls, somehow vaulting over two rows of shelves on his way out the door.

years later, after a stretch of quiet weeks, a new, curly-haired robin comes in and grabs a bag of flamin hot pepper puffs. the cashier doesn’t even think robin 2 actually likes them, but he looks really satisfied with himself every time he drops them on the counter.

(even after the second robin abruptly stops coming in, the cashier keeps slipping flamin hot pepper puffs onto their order list. no one else ever buys them, but it just—feels like the thing to do, somehow.)

a stretch of months without a robin, oddly tense. then the third robin appears, even smaller than the first two. he slips inside and buys a cup of black coffee and drains it in one go right at the coffee station, nervously eyeing the door like he’s afraid he’ll be caught.

the fourth robin, when she shows up, makes a beeline for the protein bars. finally, the cashier thinks, someone remotely sensible for this line of work. (though maybe not sensible enough—or maybe TOO sensible—because small caffeine robin is back a few months later.)

the fifth robin, when he first appears, approaches the counter. “you will direct me to the best snacks new jersey has to offer,” he tells the cashier.

“uh,” the cashier says. “i like sour patch kids, myself.”

robin 5 nods. “i will take a bag of sour patch children.”

(one night, not much later, red hood strolls through the door. the cashier has lived in gotham for over a decade now; they barely blink, even when nightwing bounds in after him.

“oh, shit, flamin hot pepper puffs,” red hood says. “i haven’t had these in ages.”

“aw, come on,” nightwing says, already holding a pack of twizzlers. “no one else can stand those.”

“why do you think i got them in the first place, dickhead?” red hood says. “to fend off new jersey’s number one snack thief.” and he buys buys every bag in stock.)

#feat. my own terrible art drawn in the notes app of a decade-old ipad #the joke being that you can’t pump your own gas in new jersey #which i’m sure has been joked about plenty before #anyway the podfic is a delight and every once in a while i remember about it and re-listen for a giggle #batfam #my fic #OBVIOUSLY BRUCE HAS HIS OWN GAS PUMP IN THE CAVE #or the batmobile runs on solar (because it’s sustainable and discreet NOT because superman thinks that’s cool)#but: imagine.

929 notes · View notes

nightlocked-in · 14 days

Text

“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked

#katnissexual #i’m joking btw #and i agree with yall #he says you’ve ruined all other women for me #yeah twink we know #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #thg #nightlocked-in #everlark #peeta mellark #hunger games headcanon #hunger games incorrect quotes #thg incorrect quotes #bisexual peeta #peeta what’s your sexuality?#idk #what do u mean u don’t know #i’ve never thought about it #well i mean… do you like guys? do u like girls?#he thinks for a second…. girl #just one #katniss he says #i’m convinced in modern au’s when he’s dating someone else he just pictures katniss when fucking and then feels horribly guilty for it later #peeta why don’t you look at me during sex?#huh? oh glimmer uh… i just get distracted by how uh… good it feels. yeah that haha #katniss was his first love in every thing and not only was she his first love she was his ONLY love #so he’s never even considered being attracted to girls besides her #so when he tries to date he finds girls that are objectively attractive but on a scale of 1 to katniss they are still 1’s to him #and that never stops being a problem

447 notes · View notes

mo-mode · 4 months

Text

Okay but the camper in the wheelchair either has a super tricked out celestial-bronze plated magical flying wheelchair with wings gifted by Hermes himself, or Chiron just gave zero shits about how inaccessible the outside world is because there is no way she’d survive a cross-country road trip while being chased by monsters in a normal wheelchair. If they offered me up for a quest like that, I would have wheelied my ass tf out of there. She chose a long-range weapon for a REASON

If the wheelchair IS tricked out, however, then I require a scene where her magical chariot-wheelchair hybrid flies her up above the big battle as she takes out monsters with flaming arrows, or the show is ableist. I don’t make the rules—

#i have not stopped thinking about this #like if it’s a normal wheelchair then Chiron’s feeding her to the wolves #but if it’s a MAGICAL wheelchair then we’re being robbed of quality magical wheelchair content #me watching Chiron offer her up for a quest like WHO PUT MY GIRL THERE STOP BRINGING HER INTO SHIT SHE DOESNT DESERVE THIS #reblog for magical flying wheelchair #my theory is the Hephaestus cabin made it for her #do you think the Hephaestus cabin made Chiron’s too? I think I’m onto something #the ableism is a joke btw obv #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo tv show #percy jackson tv show #pjo spoilers #percy jackson the lightning thief #pjo series

529 notes · View notes

iconsumethesoulsofthedamned · 1 month

Text

I relate to Will Graham because I too am being gutted (period cramps) and I too am crying on the floor bleeding out.

#you’d think that I’m joking #but here’s the thing #I have an extremely high pain tolerance it’s not even funny #I got my foot slammed in a door today so hard it took off my shoe and I barely made a sound and then went on with my day #I am literally crying over this right now it feels like I’m dying #if you tell me I have endometriosis or I need to get it checked out ur prolly right but I don’t have the time #it’s 7:05 in baltimore marylin baby #will graham #mizumono #hannibal nbc #hannibal #hannibal fandom #period cramps

316 notes · View notes

hijinxinprogress · 2 months

Text

YJ is not allowed on social media

Most capes have like an official hero social bc people just leave comments like ‘captain colds out again no class?? 👀’ instead of flagging down a hero or getting the police to get the nearest hero so most crimes are discovered through viral videos

And yj decides that they need to be on social media so they make ig and tiktok accounts which somehow led to them running a smear campaign against Lex while he was running for president

it’s mostly videos of Cassie in a superman onesie flying around pretending to save damsel in distress!Kon while Bart in an ill fitting bald cap is sitting behind a desk clearly made of cardboard as he mutters about how he’ll show everyone the truth and petting a picture of a cat with drawn on angry eyebrows then the video cuts to Bart way too close to the camera saying ‘A vote for Lex Luthor is a vote against happiness’ then the video ends with Cassie in the same superman onesie with a lightning bolt taped to the front of it claiming ‘this message was endorsed by captain marvel’ [a week later captain marvel makes a posts responding to the video in a captain marvel onesie reaffirming Cassie’s claim]

355 notes · View notes

un-pearable · 1 year

Text

so sonic prime part 2 is looking great

come on wildbrain. TWO multiverses??? (cross-fandom context: sonic prime and ninjago are produced by the same studio. ninjago just revealed it’s latest season is ALSO about multiverse stuff. shenanigans abound.)

#also i just think everyone needs a cowboy sonic au. i KNOW it was the one people made the most jokes about back when prime dropped #art✨#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #sonic #sonic prime #nya ninjago #kai ninjago #zane ninjago #lloyd garmadon #cole ninjago #jay walker #<- sry i know it’s clunky but for personal tag sorting (helps me see all my character art)#originally drafted this back when prime dropped and the joke was that he looked up and saw the ninjago logo in the sky like the lego movie #this joke is so much funnier i’m glad i waited. ALRIGHT which one of you color coded protagonists broke the universe *NOW??*

2K notes · View notes

caterpillarinacave · 2 years

Text

#Me rn #I’m so funny #Writing #meme #wip #work in progress #fanfiction #writer #fanfic #if you think I’m joking you’re wrong #Writing memes #writing struggles #shitpost #mine

3K notes · View notes

noodles-and-tea · 3 months

Text

My favourite Star Wars movie, actually

#you might think I’m joking but…#listen… none of the others have the absolute banger that is tatooine #my art #phineas and ferb #paf #phineas and ferb star wars #phineas flynn

355 notes · View notes

wavesoutbeingtossed · 20 days

Text

“Ok in the original error message on Grammy night there’s the the code that says DPT which obviously now is the acronym for Tortured Poets Department but backwards and it’s counting down 3-2-1 from back to front IT’S LIKE IT’S STARTING FROM THE END INSTEAD OF THE BEGINNING or from the last page instead of the first chapter and the word scramble is literally a red herring and the original error is web speak for the system crashing BECAUSE THERE’S BEEN A GLITCH THE SYSTEM IS OVERLOADED so she has to go back to basics with a typewriter instead in the latest tease but also the betting Swifties are saying the Apple Music scramble is spelling out Glitch backwards too and the original error message is a black page with white font but the NEW error message is white with black font they’re like TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN and now she’s teasing 13– THIRTEEN WHAT?!—“

#the tortured poets department #this is the fun kind of clowning lol #I’m 99% kidding but I think I might be onto something with the end before the beginning thing lol #(I’m not a rep tv truther whatsoever)#(I want TTPD to shine and get its limelight for eons)#(but I have to admit this joke conspiracy theorizing made me think maybe the end -TTPD- prefacing the beginning -rep- isn’t that far fetche #in the grand scheme of conspiracy theory clowning lol)#I think she’s just going to release some sort of bonus/accompanying content/art to go with whatever is cooking for Friday)#I do actually think the 13 might mean something… 13 extra tracks? Poems? Something? A la 3 am edition of midnights #Jlaw gif WHAT DO YOU MEAN

161 notes · View notes