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mh073099 · 2 months

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“I’ll Find You” - Captain Rex x Reader Fic Part 3

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Sexual Harassment- a bit. Themes of Torture, Terrorism, Murder, our girl is a separatist spy okay she's not the good guy yet. Age Gap- 18/19 to a 24/25. Don't Worry not for long, I am a fan of age gaps.

Author Note- SOOOOOoooo It has been a really Long time since I posted anything for this and almost abandoned it but I reread it earlier and got some inspiration again, to anyone that cares reading this. Also, pay attention to the time stamps.. they will be important in the future.

Gif rights to creator

Part 3

Paris, France 05/21/2067 01:45

As we sat down in the café, I suddenly felt awkward. Here I was, sitting down with the first person in ages that really noticed me, regardless of if it was real or not. I felt naked. Laid bare under his gaze.

“Relax, princess. I’m not going to bite.” He smiles at me. Never in my life has someone smiled at me this much.

“Not even if I ask nicely?” I snark back, leaning forward onto the table with my hands. Rex just looks at me, smirk on his face, not taking the bate.

“You know what’s scary?” I ask him. I’m unable to help myself.

“What?”

“Knowing that you could destroy everything I’ve ever known, and yet I think I’d let you.” What the fuck am I saying? And that thought must be showing on my face because he starts to speak again.

He regards me carefully. “Maybe that’s what you need,” comes out slow and soft.

“I don’t need saving.” I look him square in the eyes.

“I’m not taking about saving you. I’m taking about freeing you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I feel we are dancing around the obvious.

“Hmmm. Tell me something about yourself. Something honest, real.” He asks while sipping his hot chocolate. He looks so normal, so calm and at peace. While we sit here and dance around elephants in the room.

“Oh, well I don’t know. Um… I speak 6 languages.” I offer up. Kinda at a loss to answer, for Am I really that much of a person? I do what I’m told. I am the makeup of ash and ember that has been molded by pain, over and over again. My whole life is a lie. A secret. Something I cannot share, for the so called greater good. Honest? Something Real? Am I even real? These thoughts aren’t ones I should be having. Conversations like this lead down a dark road.

“Wow, that is impressive.” He really does look impressed by that fact. “What Languages? Even though that’s not what I meant by my question, obviously. But I have to ask.”

“Maybe I am Deflecting.”

“You are most definitely deflecting.” Then he looks at me expectantly.

“Well, English obviously,” earns me the low chuckle that I am growing to adore. “As well as French, Spanish, Geonosian, Huttese, and Kittat.”

His head snaps up from where he was drinking his coffee. “Kittat? That’s a dead language, used by- “

“Yes, The Old Empire. My mother is a historian. Translated a few things for the republic. Taught me as she was teaching herself.” The lie falls easy and quick from my mouth. The dead language isn’t as dead as everyone thinks. It’s what the separatists use to pass information along. An Illegal language has its benefits.

Which of course he brings up. “Mhhmm. And Isn’t it an illegal language?” He cocks his head; his eyes harden the slightest bit.

"Technically yes but Historians like my mother have permits and clearances for such things. Teaching me? Now that wasn’t necessarily legal but what kind of government prohibits a whole language? Its just words.”

“Dangerous words” he counters carefully.

“As if words in any other language can’t be dangerous?” I lean back. “It was William Douglas said ‘The most important aspect of freedom of speech is freedom to learn. All education is a continuous dialogue- questions and answers that pursue every problem on the horizon.’ Without the freedom to criticize, question and challenge the dominant narrative, societies cannot make progress.” I finish with a huff.

Rex leans back, with a smile on is lips, and something bright gleaming in his eyes. “You’re very passionate about this.”

“There is only passion.”

Rex pauses, licks his lips and smiles. “Of course, you’re 100% right about freedom of speech. But progress is slow. We must learn from the past. Not repeat it.”

“And isn’t that what’s happening?”

“I don’t think so. I work for a great senator, Her efforts and even the quiet efforts of her husband have shown that they actually care for their people. And truly want to make the world a better place. The right way.”

“What’s your job title exactly?” I bait him.

“What’s yours?”

I sigh. He had me there. “Hmm.” The right way. Is there really such a thing as right and wrong? Or did it come down to Just you and them? Two sides of the same coin? I look down at my hands, unable to look him in the eye anymore. “Still feel like you’re following me.”

“Maybe it’s not you I am following.” His response makes me freeze, and then surprisingly relax. That is a loaded response…but maybe. Just maybe.

He reaches his hand down across the table, pinky touching mine and interrupting my thoughts.

I loop my pinky with his. Looking down at our entwined fingers. His pinky finger is calloused but warm. I hope he couldn’t tell how sweaty my hand was while being hooked on my pinky.

“Where do you see yourself five years from now?” I asked, still staring at our pinkies.

His inhale makes me look up, and I can’t make the expression on his face. “You don’t ask easy questions.”

“You’re one to talk.” I fire back.

We both dissolve into giggles. I just feel giddy, and his smile in intoxicating. For the first time, I feel clean. Like I don’t have to hide.

“In five years? A promotion, with better pay and better hours. My schedule now is nowhere near stable, but a set work schedule would be nice. And hopefully, a relationship. I’m a little young to think about starting a family, but I want that someday, and in 5 years, I hope to have that person by my side.” He answers, taking hold of my whole hand as he finishes.

“Hmm. That sounds nice.” I say absent mindedly, imaging what a family would even feel like.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Where do you see yourself in five years?” He squeezes my hand in reassurance.

Dead. For a cause that I am not even sure I believe in.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Right now, my work keeps me busy, as well as in the moment. Success is seen in immediate results. Long term is not something I am looking at yet” I try to keep it vague.

“You haven’t thought about it?” He pushes.

But pushing starts to irritate me, and I snap back with, “I’m young, what’s there to worry about? Who cares for future.” I say in a huff. A dark look overtakes my face and I pull my hand away. Hands in my lap, looking at him in all his handsome goodness. Curse life for dangling him in my face. His eyes are filled with sympathy as if he could possibly understand what it was like to not know what happens tomorrow. To have your fate completely out of your own hands.

“Princess, you asked the question.” He pauses then leans a little more forward. He looks so open. “I don’t know what you’re caught up in. But I have friends. People that could help-“

“Woah let me stop you right there. I do not need saving. I am perfectly fine thank you very much. I don’t know what you think you know, But I can tell you, You are wrong. I have a well paying job that provides for me, I get to travel, I-“ I loose track of where I was going with this. How do you try and stand up for living a life you don’t want? “Rex,” I sigh. “I’m fine. You will just come to find that I tend to be pessimistic at times.” I offer up.

He just looks at me, taking in the sight of me. I wonder what he sees?

Then he reads my mind and goes, “When I look at you, I see a strong, beautiful ruthless young woman with her whole life ahead of her. But you have this look in your eye. You’re not happy. Not even close.”

“How do you know?” I shake my head.

“I recognize that look because I used to stare at it in the mirror every day. Until I found a way to stop living like that.” He offers. Rex cocks his head at me, looking concerned and sympathetic. I hate it. I can’t understand why he cares.

“Sounds easy.”

“Hardly.”

The silence seems comforting. I don’t feel as alone as I normally do.

“I’d gladly let you ruin me if you asked.” Left my mouth unbidden.

First, I see surprise flash across his face. Determination settles in its place.

He pulls out a card, and slides it across the table. I don’t look at it, just slip it in my pocket.

Rex goes to say something, But at that moment, the door to the 24-7 café we’re in opens.

When I connect with his eyes, all I feel is dread. The anger is rolling off him in waves. The card heavy in my pocket.

Rex must notice the color drain from my face because he turns slightly and catches sight of Maul.

“I’m so sorry.” I whisper to Rex, as Maul approaches with long strides. He arrives at our little table in just a few steps.

“Let’s go.” Is not question. “I’ve been requested to make sure you arrive home safe. Your mother was worried.” His deep voice oozes with thinly veiled venom and misplaced passiveness.

“Is everything all right?” I hear, Rex’s tone firm, calm and dangerous. I look over at him, and the look he is shooting at Maul rocks me off balance. He looks positively murderous. Never could I image his face set in stone like this.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Maul sneers, slowly moving his gaze to Rex. The heat in their stare was almost Nuclear. As if at any moment, they would collide and explode on each other, leaving devastation in their wake.

"Everything is fine John,” I quickly say making sure not to give his real name out, hand reaching out to his and I go to stand up.

His gaze shifts to me and his eyes soften. “It was nice talking to you princess. Stay Safe out there.”

I softly smile and look to Maul. His eyes burn me, promising trouble that he will enjoy, and that I certainly will not. “Well? Let’s go then.” I bark out bitterly.

We turn and leave.

It took everything in me not to look back.

Paris, France 05/21/2067 02:15

The whole drive was silent on the way back to the manor, but the smugness was rolling off Maul in waves. I didn’t know what lied ahead of me. But I did know one thing. Rex knew I was trouble. This could go one of two ways. I could give rex up, milk him for what he knows and dispose of him. The thought twisted painfully in my chest, and it became hard to breath. Or I could toss Rex a bone. Slowly bring down the cause. I’d be betraying everything I had known. But what was a cause that killed and stole for their own gains? An Ideal that the Republic is the oppressor while simultaneously oppressing not only those they deem an enemy to the cause, but to their very supporters as well. That idea made the weight on my heart ease a bit.

Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?

When we arrived at the manor, I was hesitant. The place held a blanket of doom that did little to keep the cold out. Maul stalked forwards while I meekly followed behind. I was scared. Maul was excited.

We entered the haunted manor and made our way to the main parlor. In the room stood the Count, my Mother, and Him. The Chancellor of the separatist movement. Everything about him was absolutely Sidious. My mother’s face was blank. Just an empty shell with her face. The Count looked bored. Maul looked like a dog, drooling for a bone.

“Hello, my darling girl.” His voice was like poison. It took everything in me not to flinch. “I have a job for you.”

Here. We. Go.

Paris, France 05/21/2067 04:00

I lied there, in my own blood and vomit. Left alone to pick myself up.

The Humiliation of this night will forever be burned into my spine. All for what?

To test my strength, He said. To assure everyone but more importantly to assure myself, that I have the will to continue this path. To kill doubt that lingers within myself and within our circle about my abilities. After all, I was just a young girl. They needed proof of my loyalty. My undying loyalty. To remind myself that Peace is a lie. To become what I pretend to be, he said. To prove I am enough for this job, that I will see it through. No matter the pain, the costs.

“Tell me, do you have anything to say for yourself? To prove yourself worthy?” In all his Sidious might, he stood over me. Brand still glowing, the smell of burning flesh overtaken my senses. I looked over at my mother. She looked at me as if I was nothing. I didn’t recognize her anymore.

Turn back to him, Looking him in the eye. “There is no peace, only passion.”

His smile is wicked, and he continues.

Paris, France 05/24/2067 13:47

I lay in bed, just staring at the wall. Ace by my side. I have to keep him from trying to lick my wounds.

I need to get up. I need a plan out of this. This…this isn’t me, right?

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.”

I sit up, pushing myself through the pain.

“Through Passion, I gain Strength.”

Standing up was hard. My legs gave out, and I had to learn heavily on the bed until I could get my feet underneath me.

“Through Strength, I gain Power.”

I slowly make my way over the mirror.

“Through Power, I gain Victory”

The Woman looking back at me is unrecognizable.

“Through Victory, My chains are broken.”

A lie. All I see are chains.

“Through Victory, My chains are broken.” I repeat.

Tears cloud my vision, and I am filled with rage.

“Through Victory, My chains are broken.” I whisper, before I slam My fist into the full-length mirror.

My knees hit the floor, digging into glass. I relish the pain.

“I am set Free.”

I reach for the Card.

Paris, France 05/24/2067 13:59

He picks up after the first ring. “Hello?” His voice deep, and rumbles through me. I take a deep breath.

“Did you know?” I ask, voice hoarse and sore, but full of force. No room for argument.

“Princess, is that you?” I ignore the butterflies in my stomach at the nickname.

“Rex. Did you know when we first met? Back in D.C.?” I ask again. There’s no way he didn’t know now. Not with the way our late-night conversation went.

He sighs. “No. I didn’t know back then.”

“You Promise?”

“I promise.”

“When did you find out?” My voice breaks.

His voice is soft when he replies, “I didn’t find out until after seeing you that afternoon at the cafe. I went back to the embassy after that and... well.”

I took a deep breath. He was honest with no hesitation. I don’t know how I knew that, but I did. I believed it deep in my bones.

“You let me walk away.” My vision starts to get blurry.

“I knew you’d make the right choice in the end. I believe in you.”

“That doesn’t make any fucking sense,” I whisper.

“Princess, are you ok? The other night you-

I choke out a laugh. “Yeah. I’m fine. Tell you’re bosses I’ll help. That’s what their expecting right?”

I let out a sniffle. God, I’m really doing this.

“Look, Let’s talk about th-”

“No. No talking. One condition. You’re the person I talk to. No one else.”

A sigh. “I wish you would stop interrupting me.” His voice holds 1000s emotions, and I can’t place any of them.

“Get used to it. Good-bye Rex. I’ll keep in touch.”

I hung up the phone.

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darthfrodophantom · 8 months

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I have a very big announcement to make, and it’s one I hope you’ll all be excited for. I know I am.

(Maybe it’s one you’ve been expecting seeing the crossposting I’ve been doing on AO3.)

I’m going to be releasing the final chapter of A Secret Uncovered in 10 DAYS.

That’s right. After 10 years since my last update and after 17 years since its publication, I’m going to be releasing the final chapter in 10 DAYS.

So to (hopefully) help get you pumped and psyched, I’m going to start a Countdown to A Secret Uncovered. Every day leading up to the release of the chapter, I’ll be posting a little something about the process with little insights or tidbits. And then on 9/25 the final chapter will be up!

So for day 10, we have 10 years since my last update. So what are 10 things that have changed since I last posted a chapter for this fic?

I grew up (a lot) and I hope my writing matured along with it. And I did all kinds of adult things.

Discord Danny Phantom communities appeared

We have the first canon content in this Phandom since the show (seriously, still can’t believe this one)

Popular AU tags like No One Knows AU or Corpse AU tags being used

COVID – hard to sometimes remember a time existed before that

Danny Phantom is streaming and we actually have complete access to all the episodes (and not the messed up DVDs that skipped beloved season 2 episodes)

The creation and use of Wes as an established fan character

The Dannypocalypse started

Phandom events like Invisobang, Phic Phight, and Ectoberhaunt/Ectober Week

Lance Thunder Reporting Live’s daily weather updates (look I love these)

I’m sure there are a lot more things in the phandom that have changed over the years (and a lot more that's changed in the world too), but it’s sometimes insane to think of just how many things can happen in 10 years.

Oh, if you're looking for a reread before the final chapter, you can find my new edited version on AO3 here

Countdown List: 10 things that happened since I last posted a chapter 9 people I'd like to thank 8 of my favorite memories

#danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #a secret uncovered #countdown #i'm so excited to share this chapter with you all #it's been so long #10 years #get excited #i know i am #countdown to a secret uncovered

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raccoonfallsharder · 6 months

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Window Across the Galaxy ✧*:･ﾟ updated 11/14

18+ only | rocket x oc | 19/25 Chapters | WIP | Word Count: pending.

girl falls first; racoon falls harder.

She can see Rocket darting from camera to camera, catwalk to catwalk: legs a blur, tail flicking for balance or streaming behind him. She rises from her crouch and drifts toward the screens, chest hollow, wanting to be as close as possible to what she’s seeing. She traces a shaky, nervous finger over the edge of one screen. “I can’t believe he gets so mad at me for going off on my own,” she tells Yondu, “and then pulls shit like this–” “I’m not gettin’ in the middle of that,” Yondu interrupts her, and whistles again. Every time Rocket disappears from frame, Jolie catches her breath. This time, when he reappears, Yondu’s arrow is hovering over his shoulder, and that makes her breath a bit easier. He exits one screen, and then launches into view on another – the catwalk that Taserface is stalking down.

[NEW 11/14] ✧･ﾟ:*Chapter XIX. He Was Loved. in which a planet is killed, a friend is made and lost, and nobody still has any frickin’ tape.

angst & cw for the vague description of a hand injury. as a sidenote i appreciate those of you who have stuck with me this long. i reread my first few chapters this week and i fuckin suck at beginnings. i don't know how you all lasted this long but i am grateful ~ ♡

General summary/notes + links to recently preceding chapters behind the cut. let me know via comment, message, or ask if you'd like to be added or removed from my fanfic taglist ♡

Rocket is captured by a Ravager crew hoping to get rich off the excessively large bounty on his head. Throwing a wrench in everyone’s plans is the Terran girl they hired to do some freelance assessing on a recent haul of goods they’ve seized from a Xandaran luxury liner. Oops.

slight AU starting pre-GOTG volume 1 (but will hit most of the same major plot points). slow burn + eventual smut with a lot of pining in the middle. kinda enemies-to-lovers? (but only one of these idiots thinks they're enemies). let me be real with you: this fic is really about wish-fulfillment. not just the eventual smut (but that too). mostly i just want someone to be nice to my best boy raccoon

*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*

Chapter I. A Delicacy. in which our reluctant heroes meet atop a crate of Sovereign porn in the bowels of a Ravager ship.

Chapter II. Monster For A Pet. in which one hero wrestles with his inner Groot, and the other is quite possibly a moron.

Chapter III. A Kindness. in which Rocket gets in his own damn way: not for the first time, and certainly not for the last.

Chapter IV. Got There First. in which our heroes obtain an arsenal and street food.

Chapter V. Things No-One Has Said Before. in which one hero refuses to babysit and the other refuses to leave.

Chapter VI. Two and a Half Billion Units. in which we lean into the “they were roommates” trope. Jolie has misgivings, while Rocket has fantasies - about getting rich, of course.

Chapter VII. I'm Here. in which we visit Knowhere.

Chapter VIII. The Care & Feeding of Human Pets. in which our heroes practice breathing and we lean into a new trope: “there was (technically) one bed.”

Chapter IX. Scrapmetal and a Dream. in which we redefine homemaking.

Chapter X. Thin Fucking Ice. in which our heroes get fucked. Not in the good way.

Chapter XI. Let It Be. in which Xandar is saved and good lives are lost.

Chapter XII. So Much It Hurts. in which we try not to fuck up the vibes.

Chapter XIII. Don’t Wait. in which a lost sister is found and Drax grapples with the concept of sarcasm.

Chapter XIV. Exactly Like a Flower. in which comfort is shared.

Chapter XV: Galaxy-Breaking Shit. in which more comfort is shared, and life is good. Briefly.

Chapter XVI. Run. in which Rocket falls victim to his superstitions.

Chapter XVII. A Seedling. A Fox. A Little Girl. in which the party is divided.

Chapter XVIII. I Happen to Know a Guy. in which our heroes get fucked. Again. Still not in the good way.

Chapter XIX. He Was Loved. in which a planet is killed, a friend is made and lost, and nobody still has any frickin’ tape.

Chapter XX. Some Nerve. in which an ultimatum is given.

Chapter XXI. I Very Still. in which our heroes get fucked. In the good way, this time. Finally.

Chapter XXII. Got There Worse. in which Rocket does not say "I love you."

Chapter XXIII. Space Would Be Better Off. in which Rocket ~ discreetly ~ claims the title of boyfriend.

Chapter XXIV.

Chapter XXV.

Epilogue: Interviewing Rocket & Jo. ten years after Window ends. short/drabbly, silly fluff.

taglist ♡ @evolvingchaoswitch ♡ @wren-phoenix ♡ @pretty-chips ♡ @suicidalshitstick

#rocket raccoon fanfiction #rocket x jolie #window across the galaxy #rocket x oc #eventual smut #slow burn #enemies to friends to lovers #rocket raccoon #angst with a happy ending #rocket raccoon x oc #gotg fanfiction #guardians of the galaxy #rocket x you #romance #ao3 author #guardians of the galaxy fanfiction #gotg rocket #rocket gotg

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spnhunter4life · 1 year

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So Long

Summary: Jenna and Dean have known each other since she was 9 and he was 11. Their fathers often hunted together, so they grew up in next door motel rooms, keeping each other company and watching out for Sammy. They were inseparable until their dads inevitably fought and stopped working together. Shortly after Sam left for college, her father had been killed on a hunt and his dad had been more and more distant, so they started hunting together. In a world where everyone has a tattoo of their soulmate’s name that appears somewhere on them on their 16th birthday, it took them a ridiculous amount of time to figure things out.

Word Count: 4.6k

A/N: I’ve always really loved the soulmate cliché, so I decided to write one of my own. As I was figuring out the basics of what I wanted to do, Niall Horan’s song So Long came on my playlist. It’s a beautiful song and I realized how well it fit the story I was trying to come up with, so this is based off of it.

A/N 2: So I just jumped back on the Supernatural bandwagon. While I was never truly off the wagon per se, it was more of a background appreciation for it while I was interested in other things. But I finally convinced myself to finish season 15 and now I'm all in again.

I remembered this fic I started like four years ago. I never posted it because it wasn't finished. It's still not, but I went back and reread what I have so far, and I'm actually super happy with it. So, that being said, I'm going to admit that I'm a super inconsistent writer. I might be super motivated to write for a few days (which I definitely am right now) and then not write again for a year. That's half the reason I never posted it. The other half is because, while I don't actually write things down often, I make stories in my head constantly and I've realized that I often go back and change details to fit the new direction I've decided to go in. And so I didn't want to post this until I was all done in case I wanted to make changes. But I decided I can edit and let people know things changed if it comes to that. I'm hoping if I can get some people to see this and get a little feedback, it will keep me motivated to write. All feedback is appreciated! Tell me what you liked. Tell me what could improve. Let me know if you find any grammar errors or inconsistencies. As long as it’s said nicely, I’m glad for absolutely any comments you might have.

My plan is to update weekly to give myself time to get the next chapters done. The second chapter is currently done/super close to done. Not sure if I want to add more to it or move it to another chapter. I’ve got a decent start on chapter 3 also. With the outline I have currently, this story is set to be 8 chapters. That could easily change though.

Also, shoutout to @jerkbitchidjitassbutt. You probably don’t even remember, but you read this chapter over for me way back when I first wrote it, so thanks for the support you gave me then!

Sorry for the super long note, and thanks for reading this far if you did!

Series Masterlist

Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I Knew it wasn’t wrong

Ages 16 and 17 June 25, 1996

I woke up, not exactly expecting to feel different, but maybe hoping. Today I would find out who my soulmate was. At least, I’d get a first name. Even though I knew it was stupid to get my hopes up, I couldn’t help but secretly want it to be Dean’s name. I was also nervous. Did I really want to know? If it wasn’t Dean, how would I deal with the disappointment? But if it was Dean, how could I possibly approach a subject like that? And even then, it wouldn’t mean it was Dean Winchester I was meant to be with. There were other Deans in the world. And wouldn’t he have said something by now if my name was tattooed on him somewhere?

Taking a deep breath, I looked over all of the skin currently exposed by my pajamas. Nothing on my arms or legs from the knees down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 9:30. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long, that my dad had let me!

I jumped out of bed, grabbing my towel and clothes for the day, heading straight for the shower. I’d made one friend in this small Louisiana town, a very outgoing girl I’d bumped into while getting groceries with Sam and Dean. She’d been excited to meet someone new, saying all of her friends were on vacation for the summer, and she and I were supposed to meet up soon to spend the day together.

I started the shower to let the temperature adjust and then started the process of removing my clothes, checking each inch of revealed skin for a name. Nothing yet, then. Supposedly, the name showed up around the time of day you were born. I had no idea what time that was, so I would let Alyssa distract me for the day and check again tonight.

When I came out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail to combat some of the summer heat, my dad was just closing the door, chocolate chip muffins, my favorite breakfast food, in his hand.

“Happy birthday,” he smiled. “How does it feel to be sixteen?” He asked this question every year, but this was the big year, and it held a little more weight behind it. “It feels… pretty much the same as every other year I guess.” I told him honestly. Other than my nerves being slightly on edge with the upcoming soulmate reveal, it felt like any other day. “What are you still doing here? I thought you and John would’ve left by now.”

“That was the original plan, but I couldn’t leave without seeing my daughter on her birthday. I wanted to have the chance to eat breakfast together. The case can wait a couple hours.” He told me, sitting down at the table.

“Where are those two shadows of yours?” He teased as I took a seat across from him and grabbed a muffin. I knew he wouldn’t ask about my tattoo. He didn’t like people prying into his life and he didn’t pry into mine. He knew I’d tell him if I wanted to.

“I have no idea,” I replied as I peeled the wrapper off my muffin. “I haven’t seen either of them, but I just got up. Thanks for letting me sleep in by the way.”

“I figured one day can’t hurt. But don’t think you can go slacking off. It’s back to morning runs and training after this.” He said before taking a bite of his own muffin. “I still don’t understand why those boys aren’t here. You three make such a big deal out of each other’s birthdays, I half expected them to break down the door.” He mused.

“Maybe they forgot. And we don’t make ‘such a big deal.’ One present and a movie night isn’t too much to ask. Besides, it’s mostly Sam. Dean always made a big deal about his birthdays growing up and so Sam learned to do the same for us.” I told him.

“Yeah but a bunch of kids scrounging up enough money to get those presents for each other is a big deal.” He said with a fond smile. Taking the last bite of his muffin, he stood and grabbed something off of the counter. “Speaking of presents,” he said as he handed it to me.

“Dad, you didn’t have to.” I told him as I grabbed it.

“I know I didn’t, but it’s not every day your baby girl turns sixteen. It’s not much, but I thought you would enjoy it.” He replied a little awkwardly.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around him, Backstreet Boys CD clutched in my hand. I had found them on accident really. It was all Alyssa’s fault. I generally enjoyed the same music as Dean, but she had showed me one of their songs and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Dad had heard me humming it one day which led to an embarrassing confession.

“Don’t tell Dean.” I pleaded, knowing the endless teasing and likely judgment I would be on the receiving end of if he found out. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare.” Dad laughed, pulling away from the hug.

“I should probably go find him though,” I said, glancing at the clock. “I’m supposed to meet Alyssa soon and he said he’d drive me.”

“Have fun!” I heard him shout as I left our motel room. I saw the Impala parked by the room next door, so I knew he was here at least. Since Dean has legally been able to drive, John gave it to Dean and the two of them take either my dad’s truck or the one John had purchased after gifting Dean the Impala. As I raised my hand to knock, the door flew open.

“Oh!” John said, startled. “I was just going to tell your dad we need to get going. I’m glad you’re up.” Then he was in the motel room I’d just abandoned, not waiting for my response.

“Hi to you to.” I mumbled under my breath. I walked through the door John had left open to see Dean sprawled out on the couch. He turned to me when I closed the door and grinned.

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl!” He exclaimed, prompting Sam to run out of the bathroom, dressed and looking fresh from the shower, toothbrush in his mouth.

“Jenna! You’re here! I wanted to go to your room a while ago, but Dean told me to let you sleep. Were you sleeping?” Before I could answer him, he rushed on. “He told me you’re going to spend the day with your friend, but we’re still going to have our movie night, right? We have to have our movie night. It’s our tradition!”

“Breathe, Sam.” I chuckled. “Of course we’re having movie night. It wouldn’t be a birthday without it. Now how about you go finish brushing your teeth before you start drooling on the floor.” Content with my answer, he hurried back to the bathroom, hand cupped under his chin where toothpaste bubbles were trying to drip down.

“So,” Dean drawled, getting up off the couch. “The big 16. How’s it feel?” He walked over to stand next to me and, not for the first time, I was struck with how effortlessly gorgeous he was. His hair was tousled and still slightly damp from the shower he must have taken this morning. He wore his usual jeans, t-shirt, flannel, and boots, the amulet Sam had given him hanging around his neck, but somehow, he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen. I knew it wasn’t a biased opinion, every girl in every school always drooled after him.

“I assume it feels the same as you felt a year ago.” I replied once my brain started functioning again. “You still good to take me to meet Alyssa?” I asked.

“Sweetheart, have I ever bailed on you?” He asked, mock offended.

“Well…” I trailed off, remembering the handful of times Sam and I had been left to fend for ourselves while he was off with a girl. When I saw him looking at me expectantly, I sighed. “Not when it really counted, no.” I relented.

“Did you ask her yet?” Sam questioned, reappearing from the bathroom and heading for Dean. Dean sighed and looked at me. “Is it ok with you if Sam comes with to drop you off? I don’t know why he’s even asking. I know you don’t care, but he wouldn’t leave me alone about it this morning.”

“That’s not true!” Sam denied. “He told me I could come if you said yes, and I know you usually don’t care, but since you’re 16 today I thought you might want to talk.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Talk about what?” I asked, brow wrinkled in confusion. There’s not much Dean and I didn’t talk about in front of the kid. I don’t know why he thought there was suddenly a need for privacy or what being 16 had to do with it. “About-” he started, but then cut himself off, looking anxious. “I don’t know.” He continued, head down and shuffling his feet. “Just… being 16?”

I looked to Dean, hoping for some kind of explanation, but he just shrugged his shoulders, although he seemed a little annoyed, like he knew more than he was letting on. I wasn’t in the mood to press the issue though.

“Ok…. Well I don’t have any super-secret conversations that need to be had with your brother, so if you want to come along, that’s fine.” I assured Sam.

“Good! When are we leaving?” He asked excitedly.

“If Dean’s ready, then right now would be good.” I replied, looking to Dean. He answered by shrugging on his leather jacket, plucking the keys off the table and holding the door open for me.

With everyone piled in the car, Dean started toward the mall where I was supposed to meet Alyssa. It was a typical car ride, Sam chattering away in the back, and Dean humming along to Led Zeppelin. I told Dean where to park. Alyssa wasn’t there yet, but I was content to sit and wait with the boys.

“I thought we might have to wait until tonight to give this to you, but I’m glad we don’t have to.” Sam said excitedly, pulling a box out of his jacket pocket. “It was my idea to get this kind of present for you, but Dean helped me pick it out.” He looked to his brother with a proud smile before handing the box to me.

I was a little nervous to open it. Sam was so excited, I didn’t want to disappoint him if I didn’t like it. Although he’d never say anything, I could tell Dean was a little nervous too by the way he tensed his shoulders and bit his lip. I carefully opened the box and gasped.

Inside was a bracelet made from ribbons of silk. It was twisted around so that it looked like four different strands. The top and bottom of each ribbon was an olive green while the middle was mulberry. One of the ribbons wrapped through a gold button that was used to adjust the size. I couldn’t believe something so beautiful was for me.

“I love it!” I told them as I took it out of the box to place on my left wrist. I noticed Dean’s quiet, relieved exhale and turned to hug him. “Thank you.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me before mumbling a quiet “You’re welcome,” into my hair.

“And thank you too!” I said, pulling away from Dean to face a fidgety, giddy looking Sam in the back. He flung his upper body over the seat to get a hug of his own. “You’re gonna have a pretty hard time topping this one.” I informed him as I sat back. Sam just grinned.

“My friend at the last school had a bracelet that she wore all the time and I asked her if that was a good idea for a 16th birthday present for you,” he explained. “She said if you like jewelry it was a good idea, and I know you like Dean's amulet, so I told him about my idea and he said we’d keep an eye out for anything you might like. There was a lot of stuff I thought you would like, but Dean kept saying they weren’t right.” I glanced at Dean and saw a slight blush gracing his freckled cheeks.

“He liked that one as soon as he saw it. I didn’t know why you’d like it any better than any of the ones I pointed out, but I know you guys know each other really well so I just told him to make sure you knew getting a bracelet was my idea.” He finished, slightly out of breath.

Before I could say anything to assure Sam I appreciated his efforts and relieve Dean of his embarrassment, there was a knock on my window. Startled, I jumped a little before facing the window where Alyssa stood waiting. Turning to look at the boys, I thanked them again for the amazing present and then opened the door to get out of the car and say hi to her. As I was closing the door, I heard Dean say my name.

“Just a second.” I said to Alyssa before opening the door again and sticking my head in. “What’s up?” I asked.

“I was just wondering when and where I should be picking you up.” He replied. “Oh, right. I didn’t even think about that.” I said, turning to Alyssa to figure out the details. “Cleary.” He teased. I looked back at him, sarcastic comment at the ready, but I saw the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just joking. I shushed him and closed the door, turning to once again face Alyssa.

“I can drive you back, it’s no problem.” She assured me.

“Are you sure? Dean doesn’t have anything else he needs to be doing, and I know he likes to do it anyway. He’s a bit protective like that. The first time he dropped Sam off at a friend’s I thought he was going to sit outside the house the whole time.” I told her, smiling at the memory.

“It’s really no problem. I don’t have any definite plans for the day so I wouldn’t know what to tell him anyway.” She said.

“Ok…” I trailed off, giving her one last chance to change her mind. She gave me a look, clearly stating that she wouldn’t so I passed the information on to Dean.

“You don’t even have a guess about when you’ll be done?” He asked. I knew he liked to have a timeline so if someone wasn’t back when they were expected he would know something was wrong. If he didn’t have any schedule to follow, he’d spend the whole time worrying, unsure if something had happened or we just weren’t done yet.

“Well I have to be back in time for movie night,” I reminded him with a wink in Sam’s direction, “so I won’t be gone any later than… say 8:30? That should give us time to watch a couple of movies before Sam passes out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Dean relented, slightly less on edge now that he had a set time. “Have fun.” He smiled. I closed the door and watched them drive off.

“Are you ready to do some shopping?” Alyssa asked with a grin.

~~~~~

“You have to have a swimsuit!” Alyssa insisted as we walked by racks of them at Kohl’s. “Not if you never go swimming, you don’t.” I countered.

“But what if you do go swimming? What are you going to wear then?” She argued. “I don’t know. I’m sure if the opportunity came up, I’d just go buy one.” I told her. “Then why not buy one now?” She asked.

“Because,” I sighed. “We move around a lot. We’re not exactly hitting up five-star hotels with pools or renting homes that have one. I think the last time I went swimming was when I was 12 and the house we were renting had a pond.”

“Ok, well I have a pool, it’s the middle of summer in Louisiana, and I might invite you over to swim sometime. Besides, I’m buying so you can’t really argue that much.” She said, flipping her strawberry blonde hair as she turned and pulled me towards the swimwear.

“That’s a nice bracelet,” she commented, looking at my wrist where I was half-heartedly searching through a rack of one-piece swimsuits. “Yeah,” I smiled. “Sam and Dean gave it to me for my birthday.”

“It’s pretty. I didn’t think boys were any good at finding decent jewelry.” She remarked as she moved on to the next rack. She didn’t like the one-pieces anyway and had only been humoring me, ironic since I was only humoring her about the swimsuits in general.

“I swear Dean has some sort of sixth sense for what people will like. Well,” I corrected, “not people. But me and Sam.”

“This one! You have to try this one!” Alyssa said excitedly, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked to where she was holding a white and blue two-piece. “I know you didn’t want a two-piece, but this isn’t a bikini. It doesn’t show much more than a one-piece would.” Seeing my hesitation, she continued. “Just try it on. If you hate it, we’ll put it back.”

“Yes!” She cheered, seeing my resignation. She handed the suit to me and led the way to the changing rooms.

It was definitely a nice-looking suit, I’d give her that much. The top piece was thick enough all the way through that there was no danger of anything showing. It had a clasp in the back and three strings to tie around my neck, two white and one robin’s egg blue. The bottom piece started like a normal bikini bottom, but thicker. Above the hips it cut in to cover only the front of my torso, leaving my back and sides exposed, and went up to the bottom of my ribs. There were three strings encircling my back, keeping the material up. It was decorated with flowers in shades of blue, and as much as I liked it – although I’d never admit it to Alyssa – I didn’t think I would be comfortable wearing it in public.

“Are you ready yet?” I heard her ask through the door.

“Kind of. I have it on, but I don’t know if I want to come out.” I admitted.

“Come on, you can’t look that bad.” She encouraged.

“It’s not that.” I told her. “I’m just not comfortable showing this much skin. I live in jeans, you know. The only reason I’m wearing shorts is because I might actually die from this heat.”

“Just come out. No one’s going to see you. I promise there’s no one else around.” She encouraged.

I sighed before opening the door and peering my head around. I was met with an unimpressed look. “Alright, I’m coming.” I relented. I stepped out of the changing stall and was greeted with a wolf whistle from Alyssa. “Cut it out!” I blushed.

“Why? You look great!” she exclaimed. “As much as I like that bracelet, it really doesn’t match the-” she cut off.

“What?” I asked nervously?

“Umm… did you find your tattoo yet?”

I was a little shocked. It was an awfully personal question to be asking someone you’d only known for a couple of weeks. “No. Why?” I asked a little defensively. She nodded toward my left side where my hand was hanging by my hip. I impulsively lifted it to my face, scanning for the name.

“Not your hand,” she said.

I slowly looked down to my left side just above my hip where, just as she said, I could see the top of thick black letters peeking over the swimsuit.

~~~~~

“Alright, right’s wrong?” Dean asked, pausing the movie. We were halfway through our second movie of the night, Mission Impossible, and while I was enjoying it, I couldn’t seem to sit still. I was sat between the two boys, Dean’s arm resting on the back of the couch behind my head, our usual seating situation on movie nights. Sam was slouched over, starting to drift off. He could never seem to stay awake for more than one movie.

“What? Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?” I asked him.

“Well, you haven’t sat still for more than five minutes at a time and I can see the wheels spinning in your head. You know you can talk to me about anything right?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“I know.” I sighed.

“Nothing happened, right? You’ve seemed a little off since you got back.” He pushed, not for the information he knew I wasn’t ready to give, but for assurance that I was alright.

“I’m fine,” I told him honestly. “It’s just… I found my tattoo while we were trying on clothes. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, figure out how I feel.” I confessed.

“Oh.” Was his only response. I could tell he wanted to press for more information, but he stayed quiet.

~~~~~

“I can’t look at it. I don’t want to know what it says. What do I do?” I asked. My breath was coming faster and I was starting to panic.

“Hey. Hey! Jenna! Look at me. Deep breath.” Alyssa calmly instructed, demonstrating and breathing with me until my breathing was back to normal. “You’re going to have to see it sometime. It’s unavoidable. Right now, it doesn’t change anything. It just gives you a name. You can do whatever you want with that name once you have it. It doesn’t decide anything for you.”

I knew she was right and steeled myself to look at it, Alyssa waiting patiently. Carefully, I pushed the swimsuit strap down just enough to reveal the name underneath.

DEAN

Ages 14 and 16 January 24, 1995

Dean’s POV

I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to find the energy to get out of bed. I heard Sam moving around, getting ready for school, but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. I knew that by the end of the day I would have letters inked into my skin. Letters that spelled out my soulmate’s name. I had no illusions about my family’s lifestyle and what it would mean for my soulmate. It would be a bittersweet moment, finally learning her name, but knowing I could never allow myself to be with her, to put her in that kind of danger.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I rubbed my eyes before standing up and starting to get ready for the day. I had decided I wasn’t going to look for the tattoo. I would put it off for as long as I could and see it whenever I happened to stumble upon the patch of skin it showed up on.

~~~~~

It had been a pretty good morning. My anxiety had faded to the background when a smiling Jenna came into our room with bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast. It wasn’t elaborate by any means, but it was more than we usually had and the fact that she took the time to make it for us, for me, made it that much more special.

The two of them had given me the gift they picked out right away this morning when an excited Sam decided he couldn’t wait until after school. He halfway disappeared under the bed for a few seconds, wiggling his way back out with a box clutched in his hands. He proudly handed it to me and then watched in eager anticipation as I opened two new movies, Jumanji and Batman Forever.

“Now we have something to watch for movie night too!” He exclaimed. I thanked them both and then we headed to school, Jenna’s dad dropping us off.

Now I was sitting in the locker room, changing back into my regular clothes after gym class. I had opted out of a shower, not wanting to find my tattoo in this miserable place, surrounded by strangers I would have to guard my reaction around. I had my foot up on the bench I was sitting on, switching out my sweaty socks for a dry pair, lost in my thoughts when I heard someone to my left snicker and say, “Isn’t Jenna your sister?”

My head whipped around to look at Matt, the guy who had spoken. He was a sophomore like me, and while he wasn’t wildly popular, he sure thought he was something special. “What?” I snapped, confused about why he was asking about her. My protective instincts flared up. We had only been at this school for a week, but I was well aware how attractive Jenna was, and if this kid thought he was going to try something he had another thing coming. “Why?” I asked, failing to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

“Didn’t the two of you show up around the same time? And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the two of you coming to school in the same car,” he mused. “So you must be her brother. That’s gotta be pretty awkward. Unless you know another Jenna?”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” I snapped.

“Dude, don’t they have different last names?” Chimed in a freshman whose name I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for or irritated by his input. “So unless they have different dads or something… I don’t think they’re related.” Irritated, I decided. He hadn’t said anything offensive, and his analysis wasn’t wrong, but I found I didn’t like the way he was obviously looking for Matt’s approval.

“Really? How do you know that?” Matt asked. Without waiting for a reply, he continued.

“Well that’s a relief. It would be pretty weird if your sister was your soulmate.” He laughed. “Too bad though,” he continued, having gained the attention of most of the locker room. “She’s not half bad looking. I might ask her out anyway, see what she really thinks about her pathetic, loser soulmate.”

I clenched my jaw. Having lived in tight quarters for years, Jenna and Sam had learned to back off at this, that it meant I was seriously pissed off. Matt had the misfortune of not knowing me so well. “Leave her alone.” I warned. I had managed to keep my temper so far, but if he actually made a move on her, all bets were off.

“Don’t worry,” Matt drawled on. “I’ll test her out for you. Let you know if she’s actually worth your ti-”

Before he even realized I was moving I had crossed the couple of steps to him, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and shoved him back into the lockers. “I don’t know what you’re even talking about,” I seethed, “but you better stay away from her or I’ll make sure that my pathetic loser face is the last thing you see before I put you in the hospital.”

I turned away from him and, after taking a step, ducked, effectively dodging the punch I had seen him getting ready to throw. I spun back around and landed a solid punch to his face before grabbing my shoes and walking out the door. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the bleachers lacing up my boots that I saw it. Inked into the skin of my left ankle was her name.

JENNA

Chapter 2

#supernatural #spn #fanfic #soulmates #dean winchester #sam winchester #ofc #john winchester #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester x soulmate!ofc #supernatural fanfiction #soulmate!au #so long

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foreverrandomwritings · 10 months

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M, my love, for the bored and anxious asks! 🥰😘

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Here’s some Monica for tax! ❤️

Hello my darling!! That Monica tax🥵🥵

Ask Game

2.I do occasionally read/reread my own fics. I have an absolutely awful memory and sometimes will 100% forgot what I wrote. So when I see someone like or reblog something that I posted a while ago I’ll go back and read it. Also some of my fics soothe an ache in my soul and I enjoy rereading them.

6.Uhm so my fic reading hasn’t been very high lately. (It’s not allowing me to link any of the fics)

But I do enjoy rereading Wipeout which is by this astoundingly awesometastic author👀 @wkndwlff

I also enjoy rereading some of @chvoswxtch work. She’s an absolute doll and her writing for Frank and Matt is absolutely brilliant.

And Can I Help You, Lieutenant by @sylviebell she’s the best Phoenix writer on this site.

Also some fics from @bookshelf-dust she does amazing work for all the Stranger Things boys but especially Billy and Gareth. I never read any Gareth fic before reading hers and I absolutely fell in love with the way she wrote him.

21.I originally had a complete angsty Fanboy Oneshot I was working on and completely scrapped it. I just didn’t really feel like it was right at the time. I still think about it all the time and have thought about possibly writing it in the future.

25.That’s a really good question… I’m not entirely sure. I think for Loneliness which is one of my Jake “Hangman” Seresin Oneshots. That one was really deep and kinda took a lot out of me as I was writing it.

I’m also upset with the way I’m stringing out Mute and Fanboy😂 I really do want them to be happy I swear.

I also have a new series Coast to Coast coming up that’s going to be really dark and that’s kind of upsetting me.

29.I have so many ideas for Twilight fanfic that I’m not sure I’ll ever get to which makes me so so so very sad.

#m hearts t #thank you for the ask t #ask game

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mango-jpeg · 2 months

Text

st elmo's fire and drop the knife notes

(i wasn't sure at first if i would make these posts again this year (like.. get a new bit bro) but ultimately i do think they're helpful for me so i'll stick w it for now)

i don’t remember much about persona 3 from playing it 15 years ago. basically all i remember is 1) being obsessed with akihiko 2) sobbing like a baby when i finished it @ 2 am 3) the crackly, fuzzy quality of my old tube tv

anyway i also don't remember writing much of st elmo's fire bc i was so inside it the whole time. i did think more about structure for both fics, i think that's something i'm going to focus on more this year

sidenote: i read chuck palahniuk's consider this in jan which was a great read on its own and also gave me lots to think about re: writing, and influenced me/my thinking for both of these fics

additional sidenote: coming to terms w the fact that the style of writing i enjoy most + would like to imitate works best in first person but i do not want to write or read first person fanfiction

for the first time i wrote drafts/outlines of almost every scene in my notes app then wrote them out fully in docs, which it turns out is a good way to do things

past tense? again?? who am i.

st elmo’s fire wrote from feb 6-7? to feb 25

this is maybe the most for me and only me thing i’ve written. i’ve wanted to write an awkward morning after pill scene for so long

looked up their personas bc i was curious about their mythology and obviously seized on the st elmo’s fire thing

(i thought it'd be cool to include a bit of magic in a fic that otherwise ignores all the canon magic)

this fic was my way of reaching back thru time to my horrible teenage self + saying you’re gonna be ok kid

reading:

I Have Some Questions for You, Rebecca Makkai

Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris

Heartburn, Nora Ephron

listening: st elmo’s fire (approx 40 times a day), hold it in

fav early bit i wrote: the whole paragraph about shinji’s boobs a fav late addition:

Inside the air was dry and charged; Akihiko was sure if he touched Shinji he’d spark. He felt the kind of calm certainty he usually felt only before matches, when he knew the result would be in his favour.

drop the knife wrote from feb 21 to mar 10

i have sequel disease. once i've written the long 'figuring out the characters' fic i neeeed to write another one. i think it's getting worse actually, i think i might have trilogy disease (write one long standalone and immediately want to write 2 related works)

the kind of cooking i do is soup. if i had things my way this is the only food we'd eat. this made writing the recipes a huge pain in the ass bc i do not think shinji is a 'throw everything into a pot and let it figure itself out' kind of cook

took the key lime pie recipe straight out of the last chapter of heartburn. idk if this is really the ‘right’ dessert but it’s the kind of food i’d actually make and i wanted to include one heartburn recipe

i thought writing aki instead of akihiko for the whole fic would be annoying and then switching between the two became a way of reflecting shinji's attempt at putting distance between them ie. thinks 'aki' in the abstract, and when his guard is low. idk how much that comes thru in reading but i made the attempt

reading:

Heartburn, Nora Ephron (i reread chapters for 3 weeks. i loved everything about this book. i’m codependent on it now.)

Wallflower at the Orgy, Nora Ephron

Tokyo Ueno Station, Yu Miri

Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut

listening: sore, knife, i got heaven

fav early bit:

Aki looked at him. He was within arm’s reach and his face was soft in a way it rarely was, his eyes large in the dark. Shinjiro wanted him in ways he’d given up on long ago, wanted him bloody and beneath him, wanted him laughing and leaning in to close the distance.

late addition:

Aki was like one of those dogs bred to rip prey out of their burrows or drag sleds across the tundra; being forced to stay inside was torturous, he needed something he could sink his teeth into.

took me ages to come up with a title, i didn’t even have a working one. found the poem oxygen when i went searching and i liked the phrase drop the knife bc knives are used in cooking (lol) + implies being disarmed + the poem has the sort of half of my soul vibe these guys have goin on

#writing journal

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ashlingiswriting · 2 months

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the nations favorite writer - offer us any advice? going through a writers block rn

oh god i’m so sorry this took me so long, things got crazy for a second and i forgot 😭 thoughts below!

here (1, 2) are a couple posts that seem pretty helpful, but now i’m just gonna talk about what helped me with my last bout of writer’s block because i can still remember it in detail

again this is all just my own observations about myself because that’s kinda all i have—i’m no expert

i had too many other things going on and i did need to cut down on other hobbies a bit (in this case, i had to cut down on rp) because those other things all were...relatively small tasks and they took less time, so my brain would often go “hey what about this short and rewarding task vs this long and intimidating task?”

which goes hand in hand with training your focus—i think my phone really does impact that in a bad way. reading books helps with training focus, as does muscling through. i know muscling through goes contrary to a lot of advice, but it helped me. because a lot of times, i would start writing a scene and go, ‘wow, i hate this!’ but knowing that i didn’t have another idea of what to do, i just kept going until i realized why it felt wrong. and there were like...four or five different breakthroughs like that when i was writing my latest chapter. just ‘OHHHHHHHHH’ moments that i got to only after writing like a thousand or more words that i would not end up putting in the fic. it is NOT always like this but if you’re really blocked, sometimes it’s just cause you’re writing a genuinely emotionally complicated and crucial bit and your brain has to go down the wrong path a few times before it figures out the right one

part of that is figuring out what you feel about your current scene? like, sitting down and writing a certain scene, i would go, ‘no, this feels wrong, i don’t like it, i hate it’ and sure enough my instincts were right. it WAS bad. it was bad because it focused too much on the logistics and details of a side plot when i didn’t want to waste all that precious real estate and audience attention on something that was not connected to the core of my story. but i didn’t fully realize that till i was done. it was still good that i’d written out the long version, because it laid out all the information i needed (plus a bunch i didn’t, but still). idk. i love editing more than writing on a blank page. i love cutting more than i love creating. this may be a me thing.

could also be something went wrong earlier on, like your actual scene idea is quite good but you didn’t lay enough emotional or plot foundation for it to hit as hard as you want it to? reread your previous bits of fic and see if you can find the problem there?

i think peer pressure and/or friendship are huge for this—i don’t mean peer pressure as in ‘silly anti-drug advertisements where all the cool kids try to make you do weed’ i mean ‘hanging out in a community of writers & artists and/or with friends where there’s an atmosphere of people lowkey always working on their craft, whatever that may be’. because truly i think it helps keep writing top of mind & sort of normalizes the emotional struggles. plus the camaraderie is really nice!

my current home of choice is the narcos fandom discord (which is only about 25% about narcos fandom at this point lbr) but i know there’s a ton of different places out there to be a fic writer in community with other fic writers, so take your pick. i will say that not every community is perfect and i think the ideal community strikes a balance between participation & low stress—that is, people support each other but they don’t feel like they have homework-reading they have to do that they’ll get penalized for not doing? yk? i’m rambling whoops

plus, getting a friend that is willing and HAPPY to talk through the fic with you—an editor, a beta reader, something like that—is a godsend. truly without bellinitini/narcolini i would literally not have even published chapter one of my current longfic. but the key is to find someone who genuinely is interested or who is willing to do a bit of a swap; you help them with theirs, they help you with yours.

and then there’s the audience for longfics, which may or may not apply to you. cannot lie, rereading comments, even for previous fics that are unconnected, is extremely motivating! maybe that’s just me! (i don’t think that’s just me) on that note, if you’re feeling real desperate you can always reblog ask games about your WIPs so that you can interact with your audience a bit?

you could always try to take in more art—that’s usually pretty refreshing for me. canon review is great, but taking in other stuff (fictional books especially) can make your brain start thinking in different ways, especially if your brain is a bit spongy like mine and tends to absorb little bits of other writer’s styles if you chug a lot of them. you could try to find books that deal with the same setting, the same themes, or the same relationship dynamics.

so for example, i read colorless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage by haruki murakami in prepping for my next chapter of richiefic because richie references it in season 2. and genuinely, reading it made me understand his character a bit better. but i also have a character going to prison, so i have read some of the works of george pelecanos (the novel drama city and several short stories), because pelecanos deals with the justice system in a way that i think is admirably clearsighted, not melodramatic, very honest. i’m fixing to reread some of the parade’s end series because ford madox ford is, to me, one of the greatest of all time when it comes to complicated conversations where two characters are completely legible to the audience—completely understandable—while struggling through emotionally complicated conversations with each other. and i am about to try and get some more books set in women’s prisons + books set in modern day chicago. reading stuff with the context of “i’m about to write something related to this” is such a good way to read stuff, too. just feels really good and sometimes you need a positive feeling when you’re struggling through the depths of depair i mean writer’s block.

movies and tv are good too, though imo they’re not as helpful. i...personally avoid reading other people’s fanfic like the plague if they’re dealing with a specific pairing whose longfic i’m struggling to finish.

just putting it down and coming back in two-three weeks sometimes helps. couldn’t tell you why.

and finally. you could always drop the fic. it feels shitty for a while, but if the muse has genuinely left you for good, you deserve to enjoy the freedom instead of just like...struggling onwards indefinitely. this has happened to me with longfics before and it always makes me sad. but sometimes there is genuinely nothing you can do, and in those cases, forgive yourself <3 this is a hobby, after all

my top three recommended tactics, without knowing details of your situation, are: talk with a friend/editor, take in more art, muscle through. in that order.

i hope that helped??? i’m very sorry about your writer’s block, it’s the worst thing in the world. and i’m sorry that it took me so long, i need to be more organized

#anon #correspondence #writing advice

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addictedtostorytelling · 4 months

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“An Opposite of Echoes” Chapter 25

I just can’t with these two…my gosh they’re so perfect for each other & so sweet. The way Grissom is always anticipating Sara’s needs (turning off the heat as soon as they get in the car), the way Sara doesn’t push Grissom to ask something he isn’t ready to ask (and I’m over here trying to figure out what he wants to ask…more on that later), all the conversations they have in the car, Sara reflecting on the conversation in the kitchen & how Grissom continues to tell & show her how they they do it, how Grissom said he remembers everything those first few minutes after finding out Sara was pregnant & Sara just remembers being scared, the adorable interaction with the little girl & her parents - I mean, this was such a sweet chapter & I’m going to go read it a few more times. I could read an entire book or watch an entire show of these two just going about life & living it like this. And as someone who didn’t grow up in the most functional family & is scared to get married or have kids, seeing how these (fictional as they may be) characters interact gives me hope.

Onto more pressing matters - what question does Grissom want to ask Sara but is still afraid to ask? I’ve been trying to piece this together & I’m sure we’ll get the answer in the next chapter but I’m going to throw out my guess (as of now…I’ll let you know if it changes later) - does Grissom want to ask if he can touch Sara’s belly? A few things have led me here - I don’t believe he has so far (although if I have time to rereads everything, maybe I’ll discover I’m forgetting it), the number of references to Sara continuously laying her hand on her belly without even noticing sometimes (so sweet by the way - especially in the last chapter with Ecklie where she felt the need to protect the babies from Ecklie - yes I said babies on purpose because I’m fully convinced it’s twins), the fact that Grissom is so careful and considerate of Sara even asking if it’s okay to put a picture of the ultrasound on his desk once it’s safe for everyone to know (how thoughtful can he be?!), Sara has already told Grissom that he’s going to make a wonderful father so he wouldn’t ask that (and I love that they both continue to express that to each other), and that Sara isn’t hiding that she’s always touching her belly from him but also hasn’t asked if he wants to touch her belly - she’s giving him time - realizing that while she’s continuously going between amazement & scared, he’s likely going back & forth between two extreme emotions/feelings as well - trying to balance them & there co-existence despite being opposites.

I have another comment I just thought of yesterday. The series title. Happy Accidents. It’s plural. Have you been hinting at twins since the beginning & telling us? A baby would be an Accidents. Twins would be Accidents. Although as Sara has decided, given the ability to go back in time, she’s choose to conceive knowing what she knows now. She’s so happy & content that while the pregnancy may have technically started off as an “oopies” she’s never been more happy and content in her life.

And Grissom likely hasn’t either. They’ve got each other, they’ve got their babies to look forward to, and they’ve got each other. They’re going to make wonderful parents.

I may be back again before the final chapter is posted : ) it’s freezing where I live & it’s the best time to reread my favorite Sara & Grissom fanfiction series!

cont.: Correction to my ask - chapter 24, not 25. I was so excited to get to my theory that I mistyped the chapter.

hi, @chelsshearman!

great to hear from you again! i'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter.

i had told you previously that this one had some of my favorite scenes of the entire fic, and i'm so pleased to know you liked them, as well. i also can't tell you how much it touches me to know that you find hope in this story. truly, there is no better feeling for me as a writer. 💙

as for your theory—

i can say up front: grissom has definitely touched (and even kissed) sara's belly in this story—albeit usually in a kind of way where the action seems mostly incidental/unconscious on his part and never with any spoken acknowledgment of what he's doing. sara has made note of this behavior in her inner monologue and even stated her interpretation of why she thinks he's doing it, but you are right to point out she has never yet broached the subject with him, as, like you say, she is being conscientious of his feelings.

as for the series title, all i will say is that when grissom and sara first say the phrase "happy accidents" in the eponymous fic, they are thinking that their whole relationship to date has been a series of happy accidents: sara somewhat accidentally attended grissom's seminar in san francisco, they accidentally fell in love, grissom accidentally became the night shift supervisor and so was able to hire sara at the lvpd crime lab, their relationship was accidentally revealed to the team during the events of sara's abduction by the miniature killer, they accidentally got pregnant a week after they eloped, etc.

thanks to bob ross for the phrase, of course.

—though there could always be other explanations of the title on a more doylist level. 😉

anyway.

thank you so much for all your kind words and for spending so much time with this story. it really does make my day not only that you read so carefully and devote mental energy to figuring out the little puzzles of this narrative but also that you so generously share your thoughts with me as the author. i appreciate every message.

stay warm and take care!

#answered #chelsshearman #aoe #accidentsverse #csiverse

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pippinoftheshire · 4 months

Text

AO3 Wrapped [Writers Edition]

(Found this on Tumblr somewhere obscure so...)

How many words have you written this year?

How many works did you publish this year?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

What work of yours has the most hits?

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Favorite title you used

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

What work was the quickest to write?

What work took you the longest to write?

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

What’s your longest work of the year?

What’s your shortest work of the year?

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Your Favorite character to write this year?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

Which work has the most comments?

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Did you write any gifts this year?

Did you receive any gifts this year?

What’s your most common category?

What do you listen to while writing?

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Biggest surprise while writing this year

------------------------------------

I Don't know why I decided to torture myself by doing this but here we go:

1. 150,849

2. 52

3. And They Call It Salvation (TMFU/Unfinished)

4. House Telcontar (LoTR)

5. Oh… either my series The Fallout (Mission: Impossible), which was more of a self-indulgent thing tbh; or my long running Witcher fic, On the Streets Of Novigrad.

6. And Our Love Shall Be Like The Stars (TMFU)

7. The only times I have uses song lyrics (This being twice, and only for Good Omens fics) were The Velvet Underground and Lauren Aquilina.

8. Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin (Sometimes Gaby joins this tag). Second place goes to Ethan Hunt/August Walker. By ONE FIC!

9. Crowley/Aziraphale (Good Omens)

10. Scales and Secrets (TMFU) I think it took me two hours.

11. The Finer Act of Kindness (The Witcher.) Though there are a few others who come a close second…

12. about six or seven 😊

13. On The Streets of Novigrad (Witcher) By a long shot.

14. If I Could Turn Back The Time (TMFU). At 588 words.

15. And They Call It Salvation (TMFU), Narnin O in Duath O Ernil (Middle-Earth) and On The Streets Of Novigrad (Witcher)

16. Napoleon Solo is a Little Shit. (Thank you, Writing GOD!!!)

17. Oh darn… tough one… Either Crowley or Illya/Napoleon…

18. Bruce Wayne. By far.

19. I’d like to do more Aziraphale/Crowley next year, but also to try and get back into Sherlock/John.

20. Eughhhh that’s an embarrassing question! …It would be, I Can’t Not Love You (TMFU)

21. 1,530

22. On The Streets of Novigrad (Witcher)

23. No, sadly 😊 But it’s on the Bucket List hehe

24. I did indeed! 4 of them!

25. No. Unless Kudos and Lovely comments count- I got plenty of those <3

26. Like Fandom? I’m confused. If it’s fandom then it’s Man From UNCLE 2015…

27. Dear lord- I have far too many playlists on Spotify- tailor made for almost every fic… So uh… Music?

28. At the moment it’s either We All Have Our Shadows (BvS), or Scales and Secrets (TMFU)

29. Blarghhhh why are these questions so HARD???

llya does too, but he is far from willing to offer that up. Now, in the stillness, Illya takes his first uninterrupted look at the man he has been looming over. The dark curls mattered with sweat and blood… eyes the color of a summer sky… O’ bozhe but Illya misses the sky… the way it would unspool in an endless ribbon over the city. In his memory, the buildings are untarnished, the clouds drifting on a slight breeze as a little boy runs amongst the leaves in a park, blond hair shining in the sunlight. Nothing has hurt him yet. Perhaps nothing ever will… if Illya does not blink.

30. Probably just how kind everyone is. The fandoms I belong to- especially The Man From UNCLE one- are just such wonderful people <3

#ao3 wrapped #fic writing #fanfiction #why did i do this?????#lol

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exysexualmoron · 2 years

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Hi, I’m such a fan of your kandreil vampire series It hurts in the best way. I was rereading the Christmas one and noticed how even retroactively thinking about Kevin accepting Thea’s proposal sets off something in Andrew, and hurts him pretty intensely (which makes sense considering his canon abandonment issues are ramped up in this verse because of the circumstances). But I was wondering how you think everything unfolded re: how Andrew found out they were getting married / when and how Kevin told him? And if it was not that much longer than a couple of years (which was the sense I got) after Andrew made his offer to change him I definitely think there would’ve been a period of time where Andrew withdrew from Kevin a lot. I both can’t imagine Andrew at the wedding and feel like Kevin would not feel right about him not being there, so either way I think whoever was there was likely miserable unless Kevin and Thea, being so practical and less romantic, just had a small ceremony with no one except maybe Wymack and someone close to Thea or her family. With the way you wrote it I almost feel like there was some massive miscommunication between Kandrew about this where Kevin put off telling Andrew about the engagement until everyone else already knew and Andrew found out from Nicky or Wymack or someone but maybe that’s not what you pictured at all. Also you said they were practically in a relationship in college but in an unspoken way so that’s more miscommunication fuel from Andrew’s end potentially, and I could see a lot of his frustration about the situation being channeled into the animosity he seems to have towards Thea even if it isn’t totally fair. Sorry for rambling I just was thinking a lot about some of the details of your fic because I think the character work in it, especially how Andrew is written is fascinating

Hi! Okay I'm so excited about this ask because I have this whole timeline mapped out lmao.

Kevin's 27 when Andrew offers, that puts it in 2013. The thing about them is that they never had anything before Neil, yet they did. It was never explicit, never stated, never talked about, but they had feelings for each other and acted on them in almost every aspect except for the sexual one. But. After graduation Kevin moves away and Andrew stays to work with Roland, and that's kinda like a breakup for them. Kevin comes around a lot, the conversation when Andrew offers him immortality actually happens at Eden's. The following year Thea proposes and Kevin says yes. It's not really out of the blue, they had been together since the nest, it was time (the whole world was basically a giant aunt at that point asking them when it would happen because they weren't getting any younger).

Kevin does tell Andrew, he's one of the first people he calls, and Andrew congratulates him and all. There's a piece of vampire lore in this AU that I have no idea whether I've posted any parts with it in it or not, but it's about the age the person's turned (stay with me haha). Vampires are rare, why? Because immortality sucks. After 100 years or so everyone you knew is dead, the world is completely different, yet you remain the same, it just sucks, most vampires don't make it past that mark, and the ones who do were mostly turned under the age of 25 (it has to do with the brain not being fully formed until then in my head). sooooooo by the fact that Kevin is in his late 20s by that point, Andrew sort of has accepted that he'll never be like him (I sort of because that scorpio will never really let go of that).

Andrew congratulates Kevin, Kevin wants him as his best man, Andrew says no because he's an immortal vampire and he doesn't want the media to find out, but deep down it's because he's 1: too deep in his own misery to get himself out of it for long enough and 2: he doesn't want to watch Kevin grow up.

Andrew hates Thea with a passion, always have. At first he saw her as Kevin's beard, then when he realized bi people exist and saw her as the one thing keeping them apart (which she was definitely not lmao).

Kevin keeps them apart. A lot. He knows how Andrew feels and isn't about to give his wife any chance at being alone with a vampire (Kevin doesn't see Andrew as a monster ever, the nest fucked him up like that that murder is never a big deal and well Andrew's killing for food how different is that from that steak on the barbecue?) and risk her becoming dinner.

I love writing them in this. I love exploring human nature, and Andrew's nature, how even in canon he's just thrust into situations and deals with them later, he doesn't actively tries to change anything unless it affects others (which is why he's in an eternal state of sad for like ten years until Neil shows up and gives him the push he needs to change things, if that makes sense).

Thank you for the ask omg I love talking about them.

#timeless #aftg #andreil #kandreil #aftg vampire au #vampire au #my fic #timeless fic #andrew #kandrew #kevin

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birlwrites · 1 year

Note

hello!! so, i’m currently rereading stga because it’s by far one of my favourite regulus-centric fics, and something in chapter twelve has really caught my eye.

That would be one solution, but then Regulus would have to figure out how to stop being a Dark Lord and that seems like much more trouble than just defeating Voldemort and being done with the whole thing.

If he could siphon off Voldemort’s supporters to another cause, though…

No, too much work. Regulus may be a Black in the main line, but he’s a younger son and a blood-traitor. He’d have a difficult time getting traction. Also, he wouldn’t know what to do with followers.

Is this where the inspiration for ttdl/tyrant comes from? Or did that come much later?

either way, would you mind rambling a bit to us about the main differences between stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus? I mean, obviously, there is the whole ‘one is a gryffindor who never lost sirius and the other is a slytherin who hasn’t had him in a long time and took his title of Heir’ thing; but beyond circumstances, what are the main differences and similarities in characterisation and personality?

— 💌

THAT IS INDEED WHERE THE INSPIRATION COMES FROM YES

i started working on tyrant fairly early in the process of writing stga, which is why tyrant!regulus, especially in the early chapters, has a lot of similarities to stga!regulus. over time, i kind of narrowed down what i was going for, which is how ttdl!regulus came to be

in a word, the best way for me to describe the difference between stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus is temperature.

stga regulus is, as the fic itself suggests, much more fiery than ttdl regulus - in the sense that he'll commit shitloads of arson and snap at dumbledore, yes, but also in the sense that he is a bolder character. he'll walk into dangerous situations with like 25% of a plan because he decides he needs to do something and figures he'll make up the rest along the way, and he's far more openly confrontational. this is partly gryffindor influence and partly the comparative *lack* of sacred 28 influence, compared to ttdl!regulus

(part of that is because when i wrote stga, i hadn't totally planned out my idea of how the sacred 28 works - in ttdl, they're basically the aristocracy of magical britain, and in stga it's much more nebulous. stga regulus isn't dealing with the same society balls and such that ttdl regulus is, and as a result, they've learned different ways of moving through the world and getting what they want)

and stga regulus is less subtle than ttdl regulus - like, the very last scene of stga is stga!regulus doing in 2 minutes what ttdl!regulus intends to do over the course of a few years. minus the dark lord part

ttdl!regulus has less of the 'fuck this shit' instinct than stga!regulus does, which means that he tends to react to things more hesitantly. when he does have to take immediate/hasty action, it's usually more on the incremental side of things than stga!regulus's strategy of 'i will put the fiendfyre in my body and this will solve my problems by giving me new, more interesting problems,' for example

and ttdl!regulus also prefers to pull strings, rather than getting involved himself. he's in a perpetual loop of 'i need more information' that stga!regulus isn't in, and tends to wait until his hand is forced before doing something decisive (which isn't to say he waits until the last minute, but rather until he thinks he can't reasonably put it off anymore - and given ttdl!regulus's tendency to think WELL in advance and also come up with super complicated plans that require a lot of time to pull off, this can in fact strongly resemble being proactive)

on a more nuts-and-bolts level, stga!regulus is more informal, and stga as a fic is more casual in tone than ttdl (which reflects the POV characters). this is because stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus have adapted to very different milieus, but also those differences are present from the beginning. stga!regulus in the first hogwarts chapters has some. Pretentious word choices lol

i also don't think stga!regulus would ever go the 'dark lord' route, for the reasons he mentions in the part you excerpted. he wouldn't know what to do with followers. stga!regulus doesn't have particularly grandiose visions for his future and his ambitions generally include making benjy's life worse, not getting accidentally poisoned by his and sirius's extreme culinary prowess, and Surviving This Goddamn Fucking War. he just wants to sit by the fireplace and drink tea and read dark arts books

and ttdl!regulus is down to sit by the fireplace and drink tea and read dark arts books, but he also has something to prove that starts gnawing at him much earlier than it does for stga!regulus (who also resolves it much faster lol)

and that's another difference - pride. they both have it, but stga!regulus is chiller about it. he has his circle of friends and people who are important to him, and beyond them, he doesn't really give a shit. ttdl!regulus feels a real need to be recognized and is less willing to be imperfect where others can see

hm that's all that's coming to mind at the moment but i'm sure there are smaller differences - another big one is the degree to which each of them represses their emotions and how they go about doing it. ttdl!regulus doesn't need occlumency afjslghskdfh but that means he's also less aware of when he's not permitting himself to feel things

#turned in my final project for one class!#i have had an on and off headache the past few days #unclear whether it's dehydration or lack of sleep or clenched jaw #probably not caffeine withdrawal #urgh #anyway #set those ghosts alight #dark lord wip #should i make an inbox tag

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sanzu-sanzu-sanzu · 10 months

Text

Fanfic Writer Questionnaire

woohoo <3

List all the fandoms you have written in:

blue lock, tokyo Rrevengers, haikyu!!, prince of tennis, katekyo hitman reborn, yu-gi-oh hahahaha

How many published fics have you written?

29 currently plus last time i checked i had 25+ on fanfiction.net so like, 55+

In terms of wordcount, in which fandom have you written the most?

i don’t have the exact numbers now ‘cause AO3 is down HAHA but most likely tokyo revengers

At the moment, which one of your fics is your favorite/you are the most proud of? (you can include unpublished fics)

my favorites, as well as the two i’m by far proudest of are cheesecake, smoke, and mirrors (my last sanzu fic) and my ongoing sae x reader, hungry hearts. the cheesecake fic felt like, that one sanzu story that i’ve always wanted to write for myself. hungry hearts is like, every single fun thing i’ve learned and experienced in the process of writing my other multi-chapter fics in the past, i’m able to appreciate those things more this time, twice as much. i can’t explain it any other way hahaha.

Which writer (fanfiction or not) inspires your own work?

i very very very much admire kazuo ishiguro’s layered and understated writing. i’m also inspired by the fearlessness and grace of carmen maria machado’s words (i try my best!!!). and i don’t know if this counts, but i am also unable to shake off the tendency to be as matter-of-fact and dry as david foster wallace...which i am usually wary of not because DFW is bad (it’s the opposite!!!!), but because it takes skill to really pull it off 😭😭😭 and i can’t!

What was your first fanfic about?

lololollll it was a katekyo hitman reborn fic. OC whose uniform ribbon gets askew, and hibari the prefect reprimands her.

Out of all the characters whose POV you have written, which one do you feel you identify the most with?

oh god hahaha. i think sakusa kiyoomi. it’s his being lowkey, just wants to do the best he can. results are not in his control so he derives happiness just from doing things well.

What do you feel is your biggest challenge when writing?

i have to stop rereading old fics/chapters and then coming up with ideas/ways i could’ve written certain portions and then regretting my decisions. i guess my biggest challenge would be letting go of the idea of perfection.

Do you generally outline your fics or do you prefer to write spontaneously and then revise?

i do an outline, but sometimes the outline (depending on how inspired i am at that particular moment) could turn into a rough draft, and then i write the thing For Real on a separate document.

Which one of your fanfics has the most hits? the most comments? the most kudos? (if applicable)

just from what i remember since again AO3 is down at the moment 😭

most hits: i want to love you in my own language (which is basically a compilation of all my TR one-shots) most comments: songs about toxic people most kudos: freedomscapes (my sakusa fic)

What proportion, if any, of your fics are rated M or above (# of M-plus fics/ total # of fics)?

i think…like 80%.

Finally, tease us with the title of one of your upcoming fics:

hahaha no title yet, but i am planning on writing another sae fic. i could tease the next chapter of hungry hearts, though! the title is going to be In media res.

***

yay, thanks for reading! 🕷

#anri 🕷#bllk #blue lock #itoshi sae #sae itoshi #sanzu #sanzu haruchiyo #fanfiction #fanfic questions #questionnaire #writers

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track-five · 1 year

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with all the 1d content we’ve been getting- lilo at louis’ premier and niall confirming he was hiking with harry- i reread your 25 chapter fic which has become one of my ultimate comfort reads. thank you for allowing me to revisit something that brought me so much joy when i was younger through your writing!

with that being said, your writing has made me craaave more 1d h/c fics. i know you’ve got a fic coming soon and many more in the works, but id like to request a few things if it’s not too much…

- not sure if you’ve seen the video of harry suffering from hayfever in australia (during moments i think?), but the poor thing was really going through it. i’m sure he felt miserable and louis was there to help him through that :)

- harry needing his inhaler during 2012 msg performance

- harry’s cold on the late late show w james cordon. he sounded so sick so i’m sure he felt a lot worse than he let on

- harry needing to sing during the live lounge

- niall’s knee injury (getting hit with the phone in the knee too)

- *i know this is a sensitive one so i 100% understand if you aren’t comfortable writing about this* but zayn’s ed and the boys (esp harry) supporting him during this time. zarry will forever have a special place in my heart

the boys have been FEEDING US lately!! i’m so glad you like that fic ☺️ it’s one of the earliest so it’s definitely not as polished as it could’ve been…but it makes me happy to know that someone enjoys it!

you’re spot on with the requests because i have australia, late late, and live lounge drafts rn! i’ll bump them up on the priority list lol

as someone who struggles with similar issues, i’ve thought about writing for zayn since i think it would be cathartic. i’d have to do it in a really cautious way and focus on comfort more than hurt, but it’s definitely something i’ve considered. great ideas, i’ll add them to the list. thank you so so much!! <3

#ask #you’re inspiring me to keep working on the late late one sooo #coming soon maybe?#fic request

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,773 times in 2022

1,742 posts created (46%)

2,031 posts reblogged (54%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@youvebeenlivingfictional

@massivecolorspygiant

@foxilayde

@mattmurdocksscars

@blueeyesatnight

I tagged 2,824 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 898 posts

#replies - 884 posts

#anon - 484 posts

#not fic - 229 posts

#mine - 209 posts

#dany whines - 208 posts

#relative dating - 118 posts

#ask meme - 116 posts

#requests - 78 posts

#dany watches things - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#okay i’m done ranting i’m just so over people going ‘she’s boring' or 'she's naÏve and sheltered' like....yeah. that's the point.

My Top Posts in 2022:

I’m jumping on the baby fever train! Choo choo. But I don’t have any money for a ticket. I’m a transient riding the rails with my stick and bindle. all I can offer you is half a tin of beans and the company of a scraggly dog that follows me on my travels. I’ll let you pet the mutt I’ve named Sparkplug if you’d be so kind to spin me a little yarn about Santi having a baby with a reader with whom he had a one night fling…. *shakes can of beans at you* I’ll even let you have the first bite o beans.

Why thank you!! I will let you take the first bite of beans if I can sit next to Sparkplug. May I call him Sparky?

Alright, heat those beans up while I weave this tale (this tale that got too long, oh my god I hope the beans are still warm)

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, angst, ends in fluff

It's hard to tell Santiago what happened

He gave you his number, but he did so in a way that he obviously doesn't expect you to use it.

It was in like a passing, 'let's get dinner some time' but said in a way that he clearly never expects to see you...Ever again.

So when you use the number, when you call and not text, he sounds confused. Confusion melts to flirty intrigue, jokes about coming back for seconds.

You ask him to meet you for coffee. You barely know this guy, this is big news. A public space would be better.

Santiago comes in all cocky, grinning. He must assume you're gonna fuck in the bathroom.

You wait until he's two sips into his coffee to tell him that you're pregnant.

You try not to be too offended when he asks, "Are you sure it's mine?"

"You're the only person I've had sex with since, like, last year, so...Yeah.”

Santiago leans back in his seat, eyes sweeping your face before he turns back down to his cup of coffee. You can see his jaw working.

"What do you wanna do?" He asks.

You've been asking yourself that since you found out. You haven't told anyone in your family about this, none of your friends. You've been stewing and worrying alone.

"...I don't know." It comes out of you quietly, shaking like a rattle.

Santiago doesn't coddle you. He doesn't tell you that it's going to be alright. He just tells you that he'll support whatever you wanna do.

"What if I wanna have it?" You ask.

"I'm not gonna try and stop you."

"Would you want to be involved?"

Santiago sighs, and your chest twists with discomfort. You have to stop yourself from raising your hand to protectively and defensively rest on your stomach.

“With what I do, I’m not...I don’t spend most of my time in the States.”

“What do you do?”

“Is that important?”

“That’s a pretty stupid question if I’m gonna have your kid.”

Santiago grimaces, leans in and lowers his voice, and tells you.

It’s startling, but not wholly surprising. You’d seen the scars, the dog tags.

“Look,” Santiago adds. “I’m just—I’m trying to set your expectations here. If you decide to have it, I’m not necessarily going to be around.”

“No, I—” You shake your head. “I appreciate it. Seriously, I do.”

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647 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

writing an indulgent fic that no one asked for and no one will read

also it saying 'the me' was intentional 😂

764 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

Heartless

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Rating: T

Notes: I feel like I’ve been sitting on this for an age. Anyway, here we go. Not beta read. I reread it like 18 times but I’m sure I’ll spot 28 typos and tense-shifts the second I post.

Length: 11.9K

Warnings: Angst, cursing, death of a parent, mentions of homelessness and hunger, fluff

Summary: When you landed at the Resistance base on D’Qar, you had nothing but the clothes on your back, your mother’s heart pendant, and fifteen credits in your pocket.

Growing up on a remote and impoverished homeworld meant that you were raised with very little. You and your mother worked hard for the scraps that you managed. When she presented you with a grey heart-shaped pendant, you knew that she must’ve scraped and scrimped to save for it. She swore to you that she’d save enough for you to have a chain to wear it on one day.

But when the First Order swept through your corner of the galaxy, they took everything that you’d ever known: your home, your school, your friends—your mother.

All that you had left of her was your memories, and your grief, and the heart-shaped pendant that you carried with you every day.

You didn’t find your way off of the planet right away. It took time—to find and repair a functioning vessel, to concoct a plan to get off of the planet undetected, to get out of your system and into another. Once you’d landed on a friendly planet, you’d managed to get work as a bartender, a mechanic, a washerwoman—whatever you could manage. There were some nights when you couldn’t find work, others when you couldn’t find food. You knew that the pendant in your pocket would be able to buy you a bit of what you needed, but you wouldn’t part with it for the world.

It was a year before you met a pilot that would change your life: a Dandoranian named Jess Pava, who you helped out of a tight squeeze with a few Stormtroopers.

“You got anything keeping you here?” She asked as she’d readied herself to take off of the planet that you were both lingering on. And you didn’t. You hadn’t found a steady position, or a stable dwelling, or made any friends. You had nothing to lose.

When you landed at the Resistance base on D’Qar, you had nothing but the clothes on your back, your mother’s heart pendant, and fifteen credits in your pocket.

Pava didn’t seem put off by the fact that you were a little on the quiet side, a little guarded. You knew your way around a hydrospanner, and you knew your way around a blaster. Not everyone on base was as unbothered by your standoffish nature.The rest of Black Squadron—Pava’s unit—was very friendly. After she introduced you around, they left you be, for the most part.

For the first few weeks, Poe Dameron would not leave you alone.

Maybe he thought that you had some hard, icy shell that could be melted. Maybe he thought that someone just needed to show you a little kindness, and you’d open right up. But you were at a point in your life where you were determined not to allow anyone into your life or heart again. You’d never forget the sound of your mother’s voice frantically telling you to run—the thought always made you reach into your pocket and curl your fingers around the pendent.

Letting yourself be taken under Pava’s wing was bad enough. You felt beholden to the pilot—found yourself trailing her like a lost little tooka when she was on-base, worrying about her when she was off. You took charge of minding and fixing her ship, running her errands and messages. You knew that Dameron saw that. He teased you for it, too—though, not meanly.

“What’s Pava got that I don’t, anyway?” He asked, in one of his innumerable attempts to get on what he must’ve thought was your good side. You hardly looked away from where you were working on repairing the hyperdrive.

“She saved me,” You answered, voice quiet and matter-of-fact. When you turned to reach for the laser caliper, you saw Dameron’s typically blaster-proof smile waver in the face of your answer.

“Do you have anything better to do than stand there?” You added as you turned back to your work. He had left without another word.

Poe Dameron stopped trying to be your friend months ago. You were fine with it. Sure, there was some part of you that twinged with what could only be described as loneliness on late, sleepless nights in your bunk. But in your time at the Resistance, you’d come to feel that life anywhere in the galaxy was as fleeting as it had been on your planet. Lives could be lost in the blink of an eye.

So when you passed the usual groups of people in the canteen—when you spotted Dameron holding court, as he was wont to do—you ignored him, and them, and the gnawing bitter loneliness in your stomach. You told yourself that it was safer to be alone than it was to grow attached to anyone—because any of them could be gone tomorrow, and then where would that leave you? Just as alone as you were at that moment, and twice as aggrieved.

To say that you found General Leia Organa intimidating would be an understatement. She had a commanding presence, one that drew everyone’s attention. She’d met your eye a time or two in the hall, offered you a smile—and you’d found yourself offering smiles in turn almost unwittingly. There was something about General Organa that reminded you of your own mother—something that made your chest ache with sadness and wistfulness when she offered you a smile.

“...Do you need help?”

You couldn’t believe that you were asking it, you really couldn’t‚ but there you stood, toolbox in hand. The man’s droid recoiled, unleashed a confused beeeeeep?, just as its owner lifted his head from his work.

“Jess’ ship all set?” He asked. You knew from Dameron’s tone that he was teasing you. You didn’t respond, because you didn’t want him to get used to this. You just shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot, and waited for him to wave you in or tell you to go. Dameron cast you one more look before he raised his hand just long enough to direct you to the nose of the ship: “I need a hand with the sensor window.”

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877 notes - Posted May 14, 2022

Matt Murdock: I've been listening to your heart

You, bashful: Oh...

Matt Murdock: Baby girl, you got arrhythmia

You: Oh.

954 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

5,940 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #putting a readmore cause this shit got long

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