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moonlightspencie · 6 months

Text

you should see the things we do, baby

Description: Remus and Reader decide to take advantage of teasing Sirius, and it leads to a lot more than a dirty dream. (Part 2 to this drabble)

Pairing: Remus Lupin x fem!Reader x Sirius Black (not wolfstar unless you count a few comments from sirius lol)

Warnings: oh boy (18+ only!): p in v, oral (fem receiving), threesome and a trip to paris, big dick!remus, teasing, kind of dom!remus, sirius is shy for once

Word Count: 5.2k words

A/N: this was supposed to be a DRABBLE. also i don’t write smut like ever so pls be nice to me

A week had passed, and Sirius’ embarrassment had yet to subside. In fact, it was only made worse as he had two more dreams with a very similar subject matter.

It was terrible. It was exhilarating.

Sirius had never had problems finding someone to satisfy his needs whenever they arose, but dreaming of you caused a whole new slew of problems. It seemed like no matter what he did or who he tried to flirt with, you were still on his mind.

It was made far worse by the fact that Remus knew about his dirty little secret and had been relentlessly teasing him about it. Every chance he got, he’d show you off or pack on the PDA in front of poor Sirius, chuckling into your skin when the usually-suave Sirius would turn pink and need to look away.

Your suspicions in all of this only grew.

You sat with Remus in the bedroom he had at the place he shared with Sirius. So far, you’d only been reading side-by-side, everything being fairly innocent. That is, until an idea popped into your head.

“Love?”

Remus hummed in question.

“What’s going on with Siri lately? I know something is up.”

Remus shrugged, not putting his book down. “Not sure, darling.”

You narrowed your eyes, setting your book down on the nightstand. You turned to look at him more fully.

“I don’t like when you lie to me.”

He huffed. “Darling, it’s really nothing. You don’t need to worry about it.”

“But I am worried,” you whined. “He’s been acting so strangely around me lately. I know that you know what’s happened, too.”

“How do you know that?” he asked with a soft smile, finally setting his book off to the side.

“Because I know you, my dear,” you said, nuzzling into his neck. “Please tell me?”

“I can’t, love,” he responded, a hand coming to rest on your back.

You groaned, lifting your face. You set a hand on his thigh, rubbing against his leg softly. You pressed a soft kiss to his jaw.

“Baby, please? I’ll make it worth your while.”

He smirked. “Yeah?”

You nodded with an innocent smile, moving your hand up his leg slowly.

“Promise.”

“You say that like I’m not the one who’d have you begging for it in a minute,” he said, voice suddenly low and gravely.

You swallowed, knowing he was right, but unwilling to admit defeat just yet. You merely turned, pouting to yourself as you pulled your hands away. Then, you hid a smirk as a new idea came into your head.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” you said, standing suddenly and moving towards the bathroom door.

You turned on the faucet to let the water heat up, walking back into Remus’ bedroom and straight to his closet. You started undressing, only taking one of his shirts off the hanger for after your shower once you were fully bare in front of him. You hadn’t yet turned around, reaching for a towel, but you could feel his eyes on you.

You sent him an innocent smile as you walked past the bed, right back into the bathroom with the door wide open. If he could hide things from you, you figured you could tease him as much as you’d like.

“You can join me if you want to spill the truth, love,” you called out, turning on the shower head and stepping under the stream.

It was a while before you finally heard him get off the bed, and a smile spread to your face. You heard the curtain open, not bothering to look in his direction.

“Don’t even think about coming in here unless you’re going to tell me what’s happened.”

“Darling. You’re being unfair.”

“I’m being perfectly fair,” you said, turning to him at last.

You had to admit, it was hard to turn him down when he was stripped down in front of you, asking to get in the shower alongside you. Few things sounded better than getting your hands all over his pretty body under the shower stream. But one of those few things just happened to be knowing that secret the boys were keeping from you. You shook your head at him when he pouted at you.

“All you have to do is tell me what’s wrong,” you shrugged nonchalantly.

He swallowed, looking you up and down.

“If I tell, you have to promise you won’t say anything to Pads.”

You smirked. “Whatever you say, love.”

He hopped in, shutting the curtain behind him with a cheesy grin, pulling you in for a heated kiss immediately. You let him have that, kissing him back, feeling him grow harder against your stomach from the contact. You sucked his lip into your mouth, letting it go with a pop.

“Tell me, then we keep going, yeah?”

“Siri had a sex dream about you. Feels real awkward about it, now.”

You raised a brow. “That’s it?”

He nodded. “But he’s terribly embarrassed about it. It’s why he’s been acting like that with you. Doesn’t know how to act now.”

“Why not?”

“Well, speaking from experience, darling,” he started, pressing another kiss to your lips, “once you get the picture of you all bare and begging in your head, it’s hard to get it out.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “I find it hard to believe I’d have that strong an effect on anyone. Especially from a dream.”

“You’d be surprised,” he mumbled, capturing your lips again.

He let his hand trail down your body, rubbing at that little bundle of nerves in the way that made your knees weak instantly. He knew your body better than anyone, and he loved proving it to you over and over again. You tried to get into it, holding onto him tightly, but you found yourself preoccupied with questions.

“What is it, baby?” Remus asked against your neck, leaving soft kisses to your skin. “You’re distracted.”

“Just confused, is all, Rem,” you said, a little breathless from the contact he was making.

He hummed. “Why? You thinking about what it’d be like getting fucked by Sirius, now?”

You scoffed. “No. Just wanna know why it’s such a big deal for him.”

“You’re gorgeous, doll,” he said, letting out a small noise at your hand around his cock. “Surprised it took him this long to realize he’d like a go at you.”

You sighed, a whimper leaving you as his hand moved faster. He was clearly enjoying every bit of this.

“Sounds like you like the idea of it,” you quipped.

He chuckled lowly, bucking his hips into your hand. Your head fell against the tile in the shower, though he didn’t let you rest for long. He pulled away from your hand, lining himself up with your entrance instead.

“Maybe I do.”

He pushed inside of you, picking you up and pushing you against the shower wall as he rammed his hips into yours.

“Maybe I like the idea of watching you squirm on my cock with Sirius down your throat. Using that pretty mouth of yours,” he groaned into your ear. “Let him get a little preview of what it’s like to be with you in real life— not just in his dreams, yeah?”

You whined, the effect of his words making you plummet towards your climax at a rapid speed. He slapped your clit quickly, making your body jerk.

“You can pretend you don’t like that idea, but I can feel you clenching around me when I talk about it,” he said, looking you in the eye again with a mischievous grin. “No use lying to me, darling.”

“Remus…”

“What, darling? Tell me.”

“Fuck,” you whined, head dropping to his shoulder. “M’gonna… I-I’m—”

“I know, baby,” he said, getting a bit out of breath himself as he pounded you into the wall. “You can let go for me.”

You held onto his shoulders for dear life, coming hard around him, your eyes squeezed shut at the feeling. He didn’t let up his pace until he was spilling inside of you, barely holding you up as he did.

“Did so good, love,” he mumbled, kissing your forehead gently. “Good girl.”

You smiled softly, blushing every time he praised you, even after years together. He let you down onto shaky legs.

“Thank you, Rem.”

He furrowed his brows with a small smile. “For what?”

“Making me come like that,” you said, a little sheepish. “Best one in a while.”

“Naughty girl,” he growled playfully into your ear, nipping at the lobe. “Getting off on the idea of fucking our best friend.”

“Remus,” you groaned, pushing him away a little. “Stop it.”

“It’s okay, darling,” he said, brushing a thumb across your cheek. “You know I’m just teasing. But if you ever wanted to—”

You raised a brow, unsure how much of this was really a joke. He cracked a smile, rolling his eyes mockingly.

“I’m not going to push you to do anything, but I don’t think that Sirius would mind it. I know I wouldn’t.”

“Since when have you ever wanted to share me?”

He shrugged, turning to shut off the water that started growing colder. He stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist, and then tucking you into one as well, helping you out of the shower. He hugged you to his chest, slowly drying you off in his arms.

“I never wanted to before. Then,” he tilted his head, looking at you with stars in his eyes, “he told me about that dream. Thought it might be fun to share you, just a little. I also thought you might like the idea.”

“Why’s that?”

“Know you love to be all filled up,” he smirked. “What better way to get you full from both ends than with a friend?”

You laugh, dropping your head on his chest. “You’re gross.”

“You love it.”

“I love you. Not so much when you’re being all icky.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You liked it enough when I was fucking you against the wall, yeah?”

Your cheeks heated up, a shy smile on your face.

“Sweet girl,” he cooed. “Alright, I’m all done, now, my darling. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

You sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just—”

He paused. “What is it, love?”

“I don’t even know how we’d, like…” you groaned. “This is so weird to even talk about.”

He smiled softly, leaning down to press a delicate kiss against your lips.

“If you want me to, I can do all the talking,” he whispered. “You just sit with me and be your usual pretty self. Just so he knows I’m not screwing with him.”

You looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, voice soft. “Whatever you want, darling. Anything for you.”

You smiled. “Alright.”

“Alright? You want to?”

You nodded, and his smile grew. He kissed you again, then kissed your forehead. Then your cheek. Then your other cheek. Then your jaw, and eventually all over your face until you were a giggling mess.

“Okay,” you surrendered. “Okay, Rem, all done. Come on.”

You took his hand, pulling him back into the bedroom.

“Nap first, cause you fucked all my energy out,” you said, an accusatory finger pointed in his direction. He paid no mind, giving you a cocky smirk. “Then dinner, then… We’ll talk.”

He nodded. “Alright, princess.”

Sirius sat around most of the day, his nerves inexplicably on edge no matter what he did. He couldn’t place why he felt so anxious, but it just kept building. Up until after dinner time, it didn’t make any sense— but then, it started making a lot of sense.

You were all in the living room together once again, in what would normally be a comfortable silence as music played softly. However, Sirius was anything but comfortable.

Once again, you were perched on Remus’ lap, letting him run his hands all over you like nobody else was around. It had become more of a habit over the past week. Though, your teasing smile every time Siri caught your gaze was new.

He flushed each time your eyes met his, giving him a smile or a wink that he was certain he wasn’t imagining. It made him horribly nervous that you knew something. It also excited him more than he’d like to admit.

He had committed to not touching himself when he thought of you, and so far he had been true to his promise to himself. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t absolute torture with how often you’d been occupying his mind. It seemed that every time he tried to… be alone with himself, you’d pop into his brain. To put it shortly: he was on edge in every sense of the word.

He tried not to watch you and Remus, knowing Remus was merely teasing him for his dream, but every man has a breaking point.

His came when Remus bit down softly on your neck, and you let out a little whimper. It was horribly close to what he’d imagined in his dreams, and he found his pants growing a bit tight and uncomfortable. It only worsened when he looked up to see your eyes trained on him as Remus attacked your neck with lips and teeth, not bothering to be polite in front of his housemate. You smiled softly, a glimmer in your eye as you locked your gaze on Sirius. It took a great deal of control to look away from you, and he mentally patted himself on the back when he finally did.

“Not enjoying the show, Pads?” Remus asked teasingly.

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“Aww,” you cooed. “What happened to my sassy Siri? You’re usually so forward and flirtatious. Why change now?”

His eyes widened, and he looked between you and Remus. You both wore eerily similar smirks, and suddenly he felt his mouth dry up. He leveled his gaze at Remus.

“You didn’t.”

Remus raised his brows. “Didn’t what?”

“You told her, didn’t you?”

“She can be very convincing,” he offered.

Sirius groaned. “You’re unbelievable. I ask you to keep one secret…”

“Come on, Siri, there’s no reason to be embarrassed,” you said, adjusting your position in Remus’ lap. “I won’t blame you for having a dream.”

He sighed, not meeting your eye. He shook his head.

“I don’t get embarrassed.”

“What do you call those red cheeks of yours, then?” you teased.

He turned his glare to you. “Not funny, angel.”

“Still calling me by pet names, though,” you smiled, turning to Remus. “You wanna ask, now?”

“You two need to stop this. It’s not fair,” Sirius shook his head, staring at the both of you, unamused.

“Done teasing, Pads,” Remus said, moving you on his lap to get a better view of his friend. “I have a real question for you, now.”

Sirius looked on, curious but cautious. He raised a brow in question.

“We were talking earlier, and, well, after that dream of yours,” Remus began.

Sirius cut him off. “Right, I’m done then.”

He started moving to get out of his seat.

“Sit down,” Remus said, furrowing his brow. “Just listen.”

Sirius huffed, plopping back down. He crossed his arms, and you held back a chuckle at his little show of annoyance. You leaned into Remus’ chest as he started talking again.

“We want to invite you to be with us for the night,” he said plainly.

Sirius gaped for a moment, then quickly shut his mouth, setting his face hard.

“S’not funny, Mooney,” he said, then looked at you with an equally severe look. “And I expect better from you.”

Your eyes went a little wider. “We’re not joking, Siri.”

He looked between the two of you, unsure. His cheeks were tinted red as he tried to formulate a response. You merely quirked a brow, hoping it would settle in for him that you weren’t lying. It was taking far too long for your liking, evidently.

“What happened to you being all snarky and smooth? Blushing and stumbling over us asking you to come to bed,” you said, shaking your head.

Remus snorted behind you, pressing his face into your neck.

“You’re one to talk, love,” Sirius retorted quickly. “I couldn’t send a wink your way years ago without you going red.”

“So defensive, Padfoot,” Remus tutted. “If you don’t want to—”

“No,” Sirius responded, too quickly. “No, I just… If you two are playing some prank on me—”

“We’re not,” Remus said with finality.

Sirius let out a breath, his gaze lingering on you before he finally nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay,” he cleared his throat, throwing on a smirk. “Maybe it’ll get those dreams out my head, yeah?”

“Maybe,” you said with a smile. “Maybe it’ll make them worse.”

He groaned, rolling his eyes. “Don’t know if I can handle that.”

You smiled to yourself, standing and taking Remus’ hand in yours. “Come on, love.”

He stood with you, glued to you as you started walking towards his bedroom, but not before you turned to Sirius and sent him a wink. He raised his brows, unsure if he should get up and follow.

“You’re supposed to come too, Siri,” you called out behind you.

He nodded to himself, taking in a quick breath as he followed after you both. His heart pounded in his chest as you all stepped into the bedroom. He knew he was still blushing, but couldn’t quite stop himself. He never got nervous about sex, but this felt entirely different that anything he’d done before. He rubbed his palms against his pants, trying to appear confident, though he knew he was probably failing miserably.

He watched as you walked up to him, taking his hand and pulling him towards the bed as Remus lingered near the mattress with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

“Don’t be nervous,” you said quietly, instructing him to sit down on the bed.

He watched with wide eyes and a bitten lip as Remus spun you around, kissing you more intensely than Sirius had ever witnessed before. He felt that discomfort in his pants growing again, watching your body fully pressed against Remus’ as you let him explore your mouth until you were entirely breathless. Remus pulled away from you, pressing one last soft peck to your lips.

“Just want to remind you who you belong to before we start this,” he smirked. “Go on, show him what those pretty lips feel like.”

You leaned up, unable to stop yourself from kissing him once more before turning to Siri. You sat on the bed next to him, facing him.

“This okay?” you asked quietly.

“Definitely,” he nodded.

You rested one hand on his leg, leaning in slowly until he met you halfway. You nipped at his lip, not quite kissing him, yet. Luckily for you, he took that as a sign to make the first move. You smiled into the kiss: he was clearly desperate as he pressed his lips to yours intensely, scooting closer to you on the mattress. You licked softly at the crease between his lips, slipping your tongue into his mouth when he opened up for you. You felt Remus’ hand stroke through your hair as you let his best friend kiss you deeply. One of your hands moved up to Siri’s jaw, stroking his skin softly.

“That’s my girl,” Remus said softly, his voice giving away his arousal. “So good, darling.”

You peeked your eyes open, looking up at him for a moment as you moved your lips to Sirius’ neck. He gave you a soft smile, letting you take full control of the situation, even when he clearly wanted to. You reached up with the hand you had against Sirius’ face to trail up Remus’ leg and towards the noticeable bulge in his pants. He licked his lips, moving his hips a bit closer to you. Sirius sighed softly in your ear when you dragged your teeth against a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

“Come on, darling,” Remus said, pulling you away from Sirius and up to your feet.

You looked at him expectantly, understanding his impatience more when he started tugging at your top. You let him take it off of you, hearing a hard breath come out of Sirius when he saw that you didn’t have anything under the shirt. Remus turned you towards Sirius, pressing open-mouthed kisses all down your neck.

“Isn’t she pretty, Pads?” he asked against your skin.

Sirius swallowed, nodding. “Very.”

He leaned back on the mattress, palming the bulge in his pants as he watched your chest rise and fall from Remus’ lips on you. You smirked when Remus trailed his hands up your torso, Sirius’ eyes following every movement carefully, before landing on your breasts. You pushing your hips back into Remus, making him groan softly at the friction against his still-clothed member. You thought it was only fair with how he squeezed at the flesh of your tits, playing with your nipples until you couldn’t hold back your noises anymore.

You were breathing heavily, your eyes fluttering open when Remus’ hands started retreating. You looked at Sirius who hadn’t pulled his eyes from you the entire time. You reached for him.

“Siri,” you said, pulling his hands to you.

He let his fingertips explore your exposed skin, leaning up to capture one of your nipples between his lips. You whimpered softly at the contact of his wet mouth against your irritated skin, your hand threading through his hair. You only stopped when you felt Sirius’ movements stop, his mouth barely against you as he glanced over your shoulder.

“Damn, Mooney,” he said, eyes wide. “Didn’t know you were… How was I the womanizer in school?”

You looked behind you, smiling at your now-bare boyfriend in all his glory. You couldn’t blame Sirius for being impressed— He had, by far, the biggest dick you’d ever seen personally. You were practically convinced he wouldn’t fit inside of you the first time you saw him.

“I was too busy chasing after this one,” he said, nodding towards you, leaving you blushing. “Not that big, anyways.”

“Not that…” Sirius started, trailing off. “Mate, I can’t stop staring. How have you gotten through life like that?”

You snorted a laugh. “Alright, stop staring at my boyfriend’s cock.”

“It’s impressive,” Sirius said simply, raising a brow as he looked on before turning his gaze away and towards your face. “No wonder you’re always trying to shag.”

You felt Remus behind you, pressing himself fully against your backside. “Helps that she’s just as impressive.”

Sirius swallowed, suddenly feeling overly dressed as he watched Remus tug your pants down your legs, leaving you in a pair of black panties.

“Wait till you feel her mouth, Pads,” Remus said, nipping at your shoulder. He then spoke into your ear. “Why don’t you help him out of those clothes, darling?”

You obliged with a shake of your head and smile. Sirius shot you a cocky smirk as you pulled his sweater over his head.

“Stand,” you instructed, to which he quickly obeyed.

You pulled his pants down, smiling to yourself at the tent in his underwear. You tugged those down next, and while he was no Remus size-wise, he was just as pretty. You stared for a moment, tongue wetting your lips subconsciously. As you stood back up, Remus shoved his hand into your panties, making a satisfied noise at how wet you’d become already.

He pulled his hand back up, popping the fingers he’d brushed against you in his mouth. You watched, never not enamored with how bold he got in bed. He smirked at you, then looked at Sirius.

“Care for a taste?”

Sirius nodded quickly. “Love to.”

“Lay down for him, darling,” Remus said, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

You quickly climbed onto the bed, laying against the pillows at the headboard. Remus smiled softly at you, his eyes looking you up and down lovingly.

“Pretty girl,” he sighed, shaking his head. He sat next to you after a moment, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “Alright, Sirius.”

Remus nodded at the apex of your thighs, expecting Sirius to get to work. Siri gave you a questioning look, to which you nodded with a smile. He crawled between your legs, kissing all the way up your thighs until he reached your panties. He pulled them slowly down your legs, licking his lips at the sight of you before him.

“Wow,” he said, breathless. He looked at Remus again, “Understand why you always want to shag, too.”

“And you haven’t even really touched her yet,” Remus said with a light laugh. He kissed you on your forehead. “See, love? You are entirely irresistible.”

You shook your head, capturing his lips with a hand on his neck. Just in time, too, moaning into his mouth as you felt Sirius dive into your cunt like nothing you’d expected. You gasped again, though Remus shoved his tongue in your mouth to keep you quiet. The only way you could describe what Sirius was doing was that he was not only eating you out, but fully making out with your pussy. You clenched around nothing, writhing under both of their grips on you: Remus’ hands holding your waist and neck, Sirius’ arms wrapped around your legs to keep you open for him.

“Feel good, darling,” Remus asked against your lips.

You nodded with a whine. “Yes. Fuck.”

Sirius groaned against you, the vibrations shooting all over you.

“Shit, Siri,” you moaned, a hand in his hair. “So good.”

Remus smiled, shaking his head at you before diving back in to kiss you again, directing your hand to stroke his cock as he did. Between his tongue in your mouth and Sirius’ mouth all over your soaked cunt, it wasn’t long before you felt that familiar tension in your stomach start to snap. You cried out against Remus, your whole body shaking as the orgasm ripped through you at a rapid speed. Sirius left soft kisses all over your thighs, pressing one last kiss directly on your clit before he sat up. You opened your eyes, looking at him in a daze. You knew from rumors he was supposed to be good in bed, but you didn’t expect him to be quite so talented with his mouth.

You also didn’t expect to look down and see him leaking precum as if he’d been the one getting off. You whimpered again at the sight, arousal only building at the fact that he was that excited from going down on you. You started moving your hand slowly again where it rested on your boyfriend’s dick, wanting him to feel good, too, but he had other ideas.

“Hands and knees, angel,” he said, kissing your cheek quickly. “Let him see what that pretty mouth can do for him, yeah?”

You nodded, moving to get onto all fours in front of Sirius. You leaned on your elbows, taking him into your hand and stroking him. You looked up, his face already showing obvious signs of his pleasure. You stuck your tongue out, running it terribly slowly over the vein that stuck out on the underside of his cock until you reached the head, pressing a soft kiss just where the precum was leaking out. You licked your lips clean for him, watching as his brows raised, his chest rising and falling a little faster.

“How is it?” he asked, a little amused at your show.

“Tastes like you,” you smirked, taking the entire tip in your mouth, causing a few curses to spill from his lips.

“My little cumslut,” Remus cooed from behind you. “Don’t let her pull off until she swallows, yeah?”

Sirius nodded, breathless as you started bobbing your head faster. “Yeah. Yeah, will do.”

You felt Remus slide his head against you, gathering your slick and Sirius’ left-over spit until he slowly started pushing into you. You moaned your appreciation around Sirius, causing him to tense up, his hand finding it’s way to the back of your head.

“Just like that,” he groaned as you wrapped your hand around him, pushing him deeper into your throat with each thrust. “Fuck, doll. You do this so well. So good.”

Remus slapped your ass from behind, thrusting into you harder. “Manners, baby. He just complimented you, didn’t he?”

You pulled off for a moment, hand taking over. “Thanks, Siri.”

“Yeah,” he said quickly, trying to push himself back into your mouth as quickly as possible.

You smiled to yourself, obliging him. Though, it was becoming a little more difficult to keep pace just right when Remus was more-so pulling you on and off his cock rather than thrusting his hips into you.

You groaned and choked on Sirius, especially as he started fucking into your face. You felt yourself rapidly approaching another orgasm, and Remus seemed to notice.

“Come on, love,” he grunted. “I can feel you. I know you want to come all over my cock. Go ahead.”

You whined again, mouth full, and came crashing down. You were barely able to keep yourself up as both men fucked into you relentlessly, and Remus grabbed you around your middle to help you stay upright.

“Just a bit longer, love,” he said, clearly getting close himself.

“I’m gonna…” Sirius said, groaning out the words. He looked down at you with his mouth agape and his eyes dark. All it took was you looking back up at him with teary eyes, his cock pumping in and out of your mouth. “Fuck”

His hips stuttered, and he spilled into your mouth. You shut your lips around him, swallowing as much as you could with him still jammed in your throat. He practically whimpered from overstimulation, pulling out of your mouth to let you swallow whatever you couldn’t before. He flopped down on the bed in front of you, giving you another smirk before he tossed his arm over his face, coming down from his high.

“Alright, love,” Remus mumbled, pounding into you harder now that you weren’t otherwise occupied.

You groaned loudly as he hit that perfect spot inside of you, gasping for breath when you felt a hand toying with your clit. You opened your eyes, seeing it was Sirius who had slipped his hand under your body. He smiled at you, cheeky, especially when he saw your brows knit together. You were getting close again.

“Gonna cum inside of you,” your boyfriend said, pressing his face into your neck. “M’close.”

“Please,” you begged, though not quite sure to who.

Sirius sped up the work of his hand as Remus spilled inside of you, sending you careening over the edge once again. Your body convulsed under Remus’ larger frame, your arms finally giving out under you. You shut your eyes as it took over your entire being, not opening them again until you felt Remus pulling out of you.

“Aww, look at that, Pads,” he said, a smile in his voice. “Think we just about fucked her to sleep.”

You heard Sirius chuckle. “Cute.”

Remus pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “I’m going to get a washcloth for you, alright, love?”

You nodded, barely coherent and thoroughly fucked out, still laying on your stomach. Another hand brushed away some stray hair from your forehead.

“For the record, this is definitely not going to help those dreams of mine,” Sirius said lowly.

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teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

Illicit Affairs | Chapter IX: Seven

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter X

Synopsis: As your life comes to an end, someone you never thought you'd see again helps both you and Neteyam navigate your past and future.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, no mentions of Y/N, cursing, some fluff, a lot of crying, like too much crying honestly

Word Count: 9,3k words

A/N: The second to last chapter is here, and with it also comes the beginning of the end. I am honestly so sad at the thought of this series finishing, I have spent every minute of my life thinking and living in it, and I am not ready for it to end (wink wink). This chapter was the most emotionally draining piece of writing I have ever done, but I am so happy with the way it turned out. I hope you like it, and that you find some comfort in this story, the way I found comfort in writing it and sharing it with you. I am so so excited about the last chapter, and I will start writing it right away. As always, thank you so much for engaging with my work and for all the support, I loved reading your comments and asks so so much, they make my life honestly. (Pls listen to seven by TS when reading this, I think it will enhance the experience x also jake saying babygirl does things to me ok byee x )

“Please, picture me in the trees, I hit my peak at seven Feet, in the swing over the creek, I was too scared to jump in Please picture me in the weeds, before I learnt civility I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted ...Are there still beautiful things?”

Neteyam left the clearing with so much anger it could be mined as a new energy source. He couldn’t believe this, couldn’t believe you. He was losing you, over and over, and now will lose you permanently. His heart bled so much, he didn’t think he could make it back to the village in the state he was in. He spent the last month of his life, the last month of your life, training you, ignoring his feelings for you, having dinner with another woman, when he should have been loving you, helping you heal and checking in on your human form, that he spent his whole life with and then abandoned for your Avatar. You took everything from him by keeping this a secret. His whole life, his future, the chance at any happiness or hope or trust in loved ones. He would never forgive you for this. You robbed him of everything and your death will bring his own, maybe not physical, but spiritual and emotional.

He didn’t want to go back to the village, couldn’t go back to the village. He couldn’t hear it, couldn’t hear them talking about you, about your death, he couldn’t see them cry and mourn, for the woman he will love as long as his beating heart was still pumping blood, and not die, not collapse due to the overbearing weight of his broken soul. There was only one place he thought to go, only one place he might find any semblance of peace: Vitraya Ramunong, the Tree of Souls.

Norm and the Sullys were still in the tent, discussing ways to get you to accept the consciousness transfer, brainstorming every possible idea, even thinking of literally tying you to a bed and pumping you with the drugs that they knew would buy you, buy them some more time to change your mind. They all jumped at the screech that came from just outside their tent, and Jake got his gun resting by his side and saw the rest of his family arming themselves with bows and knives at the ominous sound. When they made it outside, they were shocked to see your ikran, a beautiful beast, batting her wings aggressively and hissing in their direction.

“What is it, girl?” Jake said, approaching her carefully and petting her head gently. The ikran opened her mouth and took Jake’s hand in hers, which elicited a furious reaction from Neytiri, to which Jake raised his other hand in a calming gesture.

“She’s not hurting me, she’s pulling me away, towards the lab. I think she’s trying to tell us something.”

His heart dropped at the thought of what could your ikran be wanting to show them so ardently, so urgently. He has never seen such behaviour from a banshee, and he realises painfully how much of an imprint you have made on this world, on life all around you. He wishes this world would have made as much of an impact on you, maybe if it had, you wouldn’t want to leave it so soon.

Jake got on the banshee without making the bond, and she immediately took off.

“Take the Ikrans or Pa’li and hurry to the lab, I have a really bad feeling.”

The last thing he saw is his entire family calling for their animals, the hurry and desperation enveloping all of them like a warm, suffocating blanket.

The banshee landed in a small clearing with a river source in the middle of it. It was a beautiful place that Jake has somehow never stumbled through before, but he couldn’t think about it too much when another, more urgent matter caught his eye. A small and fragile frame, motionless on the ground.

“KID!” He jumped from the back of the ikran like it was lava, and ran as quickly as he possibly could, kneeling on the ground next to you. His face immediately went to your masked one, trying to see if he could spot breathing. Two fingers rushed to your throat, looking for a pulse he couldn’t feel.

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, don’t do this to me, baby girl. Come on, please.”

He removed your mask and starting giving you CPR, his two hands wrapped around each other in firsts as he rhythmically compressed your chest in the spot right on top of your heart. Thirty compressions, two breaths, thirty compressions, two breaths. He was trying so hard to remain calm and collected, but his mind was screaming with the image of you on the ground, dead or dying, he still didn’t know, alone, and he felt tears pool in his eyes. You have been alone for such a long time, and he was right: he never tried to understand what you must have been going through, how hard this life must have been for you on this planet your body didn’t belong on, with a soul so bright and wild that was continuously tamed by the fury of your own destiny, with which you battled your whole existence. Losing your mum changed you, finding your dad in the woods broke your spirit, and losing Neteyam took away the last shred of happiness you had, and they watched. He watched, unknowing and ignorant. He will never forgive himself if you died here, in his arms.

He was continuing the CPR when his eyes snapped at something moving above his head. Jake stopped the chest compressions at the sight. Atokirina, dozens of them, floating down gently and peacefully until they reached your body, where they settled for a few seconds, before they all took flight again concomitantly. Jake thought that was a good sign, and, in a desperate attempt to add on to Eywa’s efforts, he brought up his fingers together in a fist, and with all his might, hit your unmoving chest, saying a silent prayer in his mind as he did so.

With wide eyes and laboured breaths, Jake saw the small girl he’s known since she was born come back to life with a violent gasp. You immediately started coughing breathlessly, and Jake put your mask back over your face. He pressed a button and allowed you to take a few short, pained breaths. He felt relief wash all over him, but he knew he needed to go; you weren’t breathing properly, and he saw your face slowly turning purple.

“It’s okay, baby girl. You’re going to be okay.”

With very little effort, Jake lifted you from the ground and carried you in his arms, running as fast as he could do without disturbing you even further. He couldn’t help wince as he was looking at your body, so weak and feeble, so different than the one he remembered. How did this happen? How did Norm and Max allow this?

He made it to the lab shortly, and saw the whole family waiting for him there. Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk all let out a shocked gasp at your lifeless form residing in Jake’s arms, but he couldn’t think about that now, he couldn’t worry about anything other than making sure you will survive this.

Norm and Max let him in with their keycards and motioned hurriedly in the direction of the medical ward. He knew where to go, having been there a few times with soldiers who were sick, as well with his own kids when they got illnesses the Tsahik couldn’t cure. He hurried past all the hallways and entered and put you down as gently as he possibly could. Norm and Max burst through the door, getting all sorts of instruments and machines ready that Jake couldn’t name with a gun to his head. He silently got out of the way, and let them do what they did best.

He got out of the room and grabbed Tuk in his arms, holding her tightly when she nuzzled her head in his neck and started silently sobbing.

“What is going on?” Kiri, one of your best friends in the whole world, your sister, asked through shaky breaths and hushed cries.

“Ma 'ite…” Neytiri said softly, hugging her kids close to her chest.

“She’s sick, isn’t she? Like the people in the village?”

“Yes, my sweet child.”

“But those people died.” Tuk said in between high pitched whimpers.

Jake and Neytiri exchanged a knowing, sorrowful look, and tightened their grip on their children.

Neteyam found the Tree of Souls to be deserted, as most Na’vi would be gone hunting or preparing for the upcoming war this time of day, or just taking shelter from the rain that has been pouring for days with no seeming intention of stopping. He knelt on the ground and peered up at the bright pink and purple tendrils of the sacred willow, taking in the beauty that he is yet to get over, even after coming here his whole entire life. A pained cry escaped his lips at the realisation he will never be able to show this to you. From the second he saw your Avatar body, dreams invaded his subconscious mind, dreams of when you would finally become one of the people, dreams of your soft hair bouncing on your beautiful back while you ran beneath the tree, dreams of his finally being able to make you his, the way he has wanted for so long. You were supposed to become one of the people, you were supposed to be his, his mate and the mother of his children, his Tsahik, the best Tsahik this clan had ever seen. How the fuck was he supposed to come to terms with this heartbreak, how was he ever supposed to be the same person again? You were in his life from the moment you were born. You were born just a couple of months apart, as if Eywa couldn’t wait any longer to join two souls who were meant to be. He couldn’t remember a day in his life when you weren’t there - even if not physically, you were always in his life, in his mind, your light forever permeated through every cell in his body. You were the only fact of life he was sure of, how was he supposed to live without you?

“I have another quote that reminds me of you, though.”

Patting the spot next to you, you signalled for him to lie down. He did, although his legs were completely off the bed, the tiny contraption barely able to accommodate his torso. You let out a small laugh, but seemed happy to have him so close.

You placed your head on his chest, and he prayed you couldn’t hear the way his heart felt like it was trying to escape his chest at your proximity and warmth. You opened the book and looked for the quote.

“Ah, there is it.” You cleared your throat, then continued. “He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

“I like that.” He felt bashful at your admission of how you viewed him. You were always braver than him when it comes to your feelings. You never said them out right, but you always gave enough proof through moments like these, when you would sing a song, or read him a section of a book you thought resonated with you.

“Read more. Is there anything else in that book that reminds you of us?”

You blushed, but flipped through more pages. You have him a knowing look, and read from the book you gripped on so tightly your knuckles turned white.

“My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary.”

He couldn’t help think of that quote, and how deeply you both felt for each other, how this world is dull and senseless, meaningless and bleak without the other. “If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”. He never quite understood the magnitude of this quote until today, when he stared at your dying body, until he was here, kneeling under the Tree of Souls, knowing soon you might not be part of his universe anymore, willing to beg Eywa until his knees bleed for another chance, for one more try.

“Great Mother,” he starts as he reaches for the queue and brings it to one of the tendrils he was softly grasping in his hand, “I need your help. I’m begging you for help.”

His queue wraps around the mauve willow branch and he inhales faintly at the bond, as he is transported across dimensions, to another plane of being, higher than any living thing had access to except in this way.

He woke up in the last place he thought he would, the lab. The damn lab, with its white, too-white walls and a smell that always burned his nostrils and a coldness that he would never get used to, no matter how many days he has spent here in his life. Without you in it, it was unnatural and unwelcoming, and he didn’t want to be here a second longer than he needed to.

“Ma 'itan.” he heard a voice call out to him from inside one of the rooms, and he made his way slowly towards it, feet hurting from the biting temperature of the smooth tiles. He passed a mirror that was hung on one of the walls, and was startled to see himself in it, only it appeared more like a window to the past, as the face looking back at him was young, no older than 10.

He continued on, and eventually reached it. It was dark, except the light from a computer screen and one desk lamp gently illuminating the room. Sat on a chair was a woman, beautiful and elegant, with light curly hair that reached her torso and kind features, that reminded him so much of her daughter, so much so that it made his heart constrict in pain.

“Neteyam, my boy, it’s so good to see you!”

“Auntie Jo?”

“You’ve grown so much, ma 'itan. You’ve become a handsome young man.”

“Auntie Jo, what’s going on? Why am I here?”

“You’ve come to ask for help from the Great Mother. The Great Mother doesn’t take sides, son, you know that. She protects only the balance of life.”

“Yes, and her life hangs in the balance. I need Eywa to help, I need Eywa to save her, because her life has never been balanced. There’s never been anything fair about her life, and this second chance is the balance. It’s what she deserves, a lifetime of happiness to make up for all the hurt the Universe has put her through.”

“I see you are still my daughter’s angel, even after all this time. You always took care of her, from when you were both babies. We used to put you in the same crib and you would go to sleep holding hands. You both used to cry whenever it was time for us to return to the lab. Eventually, we had to give you a piece of clothing of the other, so you could sleep peacefully through the night. I always knew you were supposed to end up together. It’s part of the reason I worked so hard to decode the Avatar for her.”

“She’s dying. She’s dying and there’s nothing I can do! I need you to help me save her, I need to do something, I need something to stop the way it feels like I’m being ripped apart at every seam in my body. I have never known such pain, I never knew it was possible for a body to hurt so badly from a wound that doesn’t even exist.”

The woman rose from the chair and took Neteyam in her arms, allowing him to place his head on her shoulders and cry. Neteyam tightened his arms around her and held her, crying, releasing all the grief he was feeling for his love, for his future, for her.

“If you feel it, son, then it exists. If you feel her, then she exists, and she will exist forever. In truth, there is nothing any of us can do, except love her and be there for her. My daughter has grown so much, and so much grief grew along with her. And she learnt how to let grief grow until it is so big it cannot be contained within her body from me. But there’s still time for her to grow, too. Grow bigger than the grief. She needs you, Neteyam. She needs you to be her light one last time. She needs you right now. You should go before it’s too late.”

Neteyam woke up like from a dream and removed his queue from the tree so quickly it hurt him and he felt the pain travel all the way to the tip of his toes. It didn’t matter, he thought. He could be scalped right now and he would still be calling his ikran with enough might to wake up the entire forest. As soon as she arrived at the foot of the tree, he got on her and motioned for her to take off, no other thoughts than the words your mother uttered echoing in his ears. I need to get to the lab, fuck, I hope I’m not too late. I can’t be too late. It can’t be too late.

He completely spaced out until he reached the lab, so it was like he blinked and he was there. He saw your ikran next to the entrance of the lab and felt his pulse quicken so fast he almost fell off his own with how faint it made him. He knocked on the door forcefully and incessantly until Lo’ak came and opened it. His baby brother’s eyes were red and damp and he looked sick and tired; Neteyam couldn’t remember the last time he has ever seen Lo’ak in this state - he didn’t think he ever had. The lump that formed in Neteyam’s throat stopped him from speaking, and he looked at his brother with desperation laced on every feature, silently pleading to be put out of his misery.

“She collapsed outside the lab. She was in a clearing a few minutes from here. Her ikran came to the village and took dad to where she was, and he brought her here.”

Lo’ak started crying again, bringing a hand to his face to hide himself, and Neteyam took him in his arms and hugged him.

“She was dead, bro. Dad said she was dead. Her heart stopped and he managed to start it back up again, but she has been in the room with Norm and Max for a while, she won’t wake up. She’s been sick for a month and we didn’t know. I didn’t know!”

Neteyam let Lo’ak cry it out, feeling his own hurt being pushed aside at the sight of his baby brother needing a shoulder to cry on. He couldn’t be weak when his family needed him.

Eventually they made their way down the corridor until they reached the rest of their family, and he saw it, saw you, and it immediately made his sick. He’s struggled to keep down whatever food he still had in his system at the terrorising sight - you, lying on a white framed bed, unconscious, with tubes coming in and out of you, so many tubes he was losing count. He saw the tubes coming out of machines that were beeping, and one of them was removing blood from your body and then pushing it back in, and Neteyam felt weak in the knees taking it all in.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE IV: BARGAINING

You woke up in a daze, feeling heavy and numb, like that one time you were 16 and you took one too many sleeping pills and you needed 3 days to ride out the consequences. You frowned deeply at the bright artificial lights that were bearing down on you, and you realised you were in the medical ward of the hub. You faintly heard the ECG machine beeping, and you knew at least you weren’t dead yet. You don’t know how much time it’s been, the last thing you remember is Neteyam turning his back on you in the clearing.

“You’re a coward…”

You felt your heart hurt, although the pain was not physical, it wasn’t an arrhythmia or fibrillation or asystole, it was worse. It was a kind of pain you can’t fix with some pills or a defibrillator or some epinephrine to restart the heart. It didn’t work that way. This pain you would have to ride out, have to hope it will pass in time.

He was right. You were a coward, have been your whole life. There was no point denying it any longer, no point hiding behind a facade of eye rolls and straight faces. You killed yourself slowly and painfully, for years - taking pills, taking too many pills, ignoring the pleas from your mind that told you it was slowly losing focus, that couldn’t handle pain as well anymore, that couldn’t sleep unless it was practically mush by the time your head hit the pillow. You told yourself it was unfortunate that you got the virus, that you hated it and that you were working for cure, but in reality you were kind of relieved when it happened. Because now you had an excuse, and you didn’t have to do any of the heavy lifting yourself.

You were a coward, refusing to get help or let yourself be loved, let yourself be mourned, because you didn’t want to deal with it. You refused to tell Neteyam, the man who has loved you and been your rock your whole life, who, despite everything that went on between you, would always be yours, and who you knew would suffer immensely because of your passing, because you didn’t want to suffer with him. You didn’t tell Norm and Max, because you knew they would make you get help, and try to get you to heal and stay alive longer, and you didn’t want that. You didn’t tell Jake or Neytiri, or the kids, because no parent or sibling should have to watch their kid, their sister die, and you thought by pushing them away and blaming them for Neteyam’s indiscretion, you would be able to soften the blow. But most of all, you didn’t tell them because you didn’t want to know that people do love you, would suffer because of you, that your death impacted lives around you. You didn’t need the guilt.

Nobody was paying attention to you, you realised. You briefly saw Norm and Max hurrying around you out of the corner of your eye, and saw a dialysis machine retrieving your blood through a tube coming from your neck. You were going into multiple organ failure, you deduced. Your heart and lungs were shot, your kidneys were shot, you didn’t have much time left.

You wanted to speak, you wanted to scream for Neteyam, for all of them, and apologise. You knew what it meant to lose people, better than most. You were sorry for knowing you will put these people you loved so much through so much pain. You were sorry things turned out like this, that you weren’t stronger, that your heart was so broken it found comfort in the pain and was too scared to heal. The tube coming out of your mouth didn’t allow for that. You felt tears falling from your eyes and then slowly the heaviness taking over, pushing your eyelids shut, and the last thing you heard was the unmistakable sound of a flatline, and screams all around you.

You woke up dazed, needing a few second to take in your surroundings. You had no idea where you were, it isn’t a place you have ever seen before. You looked, trying to accommodate to the light shining brightly from an orb in the sky, and when you couldn’t see Polyphemus and its moons in the sky, you knew you were no longer on Pandora. It took a while, but you eventually realised you were on Earth. You turned around, taking in all of your surroundings, and felt amazed at the unfamiliar new sights. In front of you stood a house. On the smaller side (you thought, based on all the Hollywood movies you’ve seen), with a blue paintcoat and surrounded by a short brown fence, it had flowers you were fascinated by and shrubbery surrounding it, giving it an unkept look - you loved it. It was not like the houses you have seen in the movies, perfect and artificial, with human precision to ruin what Mother Earth put there for a reason. Behind you were paved roads, but nobody was around. There were no other houses, the one in front of you solitary and quiet, except for a rhythmic sound you could hear from somewhere behind it, although you could not place it, as the house was on a little hill.

You made your way towards the entrance quietly, and were pleasantly surprised when the little fence opened at your slightest push, so you continued through the cobblestone path, until you were standing face to face with a white door. You felt yourself curiously knocking on it, hoping someone could let you in and explain to you what was going on, why were you here, what was this place? Was this the afterlife? Were you in heaven?

After waiting a few minutes at the door with no answer, you touched the handle and pressed gently, surprised again when it opened to you. You felt a strange smell envelop you, it was a completely new olfactory experience than you have ever had, and you realised you loved it - it was a rich and warm smell, and you had to swallow as it seemed to trigger hunger in your system. The room you were in was a little claustrophobic, but you couldn’t help thinking if was homely and snug and felt a strange familiarity as you walked through the dimly lit narrow hallway. Right by the entrance to the right was a brighter, doorless room that probably served as a library once - the walls were covered in thick mahogany shelves filled to the brim with colourful books, and a beautiful dark brown desk was placed in the middle of it, with a fuzzy looking carpet adorning the wooden floors. Further in the hallway, frames with photos of people you couldn’t really place were decorating the blue walls and you smiled taking them all in. A photo of 3 people at the beach, a family, you noted, a photo in a beautiful location somewhere in the mountains, a photo of a dad carrying a small girl on his back, both of them laughing widely - all so beautiful, so intimate. On one of the images was scribbled something that caught your attention. It was an image of a girl, young and beautiful, with light and wavy hair and holding what you knew from movies to be a graduation gown, throwing her cap in the air. The handwritten note on it said “Our little Marj graduating summa cum laude at only 18! - Johns Hopkins, June 2123.”

Shocked, you removed the frame from the wall and looked at it closer. Your mum. This was your mum’s house, the house she grew up in as a child. What were you doing here? What was happening to you? You held on to the picture as you moved through the house that eventually opened into a big and brightly lit room, that served as both the kitchen and the living room. In the corner of the room lay a beautiful grand piano and a few guitars, all on stands. Through the big windows and the door that opened to the backyard, you saw a large body of water, and you realised the noises you were hearing earlier were waves, crashing on the sandy beach. You have never seen anything like it and couldn’t help stare for a while, just taking in the beauty of this world you never thought you would be able to experience for yourself. You found yourself picking up one of the guitars on the stand that you knew was your mum’s, since it was the same one you have…. had on Pandora, and opened the door to the outside, slowly walking towards the open sea.

You frowned as you made your way through the fine warm sand at all these new experiences and sensations you have never had before, and the frown deepened at a blanket on the ground, almost inviting you to sit down, almost as if it was laid out for you. Feeling safe and blissful in this new world you now inhabited, you allowed yourself to do as you were silently bid.

You loved the malleable feeling of the sand as you stretched your legs and noticed it moved to accommodate your body. The blanket was soft, and you felt inspired to pick up the guitar and tune it, strumming it gently. You couldn’t believe what was happening to you, the fact that you were here, on Earth, in your mum’s childhood home. You didn’t know what to think, but you thought that if this is death, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

“My love.”

That voice. Your breathing and hands both stopped to bring you to a dead still. Your eyes immediately filled with tears that spilled like effortless waterfalls, a visceral reaction to a voice you never thought you’d ever hear again. Your head snapped in the direction of the voice so quickly it gave you whiplash, but you didn’t care. Nothing else mattered in this life but this voice.

“Mum??” You got up to your feet as rapidly as your human body could handle and ran in the arms of the woman you loved more than anything in this world, more than life itself. You were sobbing as you removed yourself form her arms, touching her face with your hands, touching her arms, making sure she was real, that she was here.

“Oh my God, baby, it’s ok, I’m right here.”

She was trying to calm you down enough so you could utter a word, but you couldn’t, you couldn’t stop wailing, couldn’t stop your body expelling so many tears you completely soaked the top of her t-shirt.

Slowly, she moved you to where you were sat just a few minutes ago, and you were a blubbering mess, unable to utter a single syllable to this woman you have spoken enough to fill out novels in your dreams, in your thoughts, in your soul.

“You’re alright, my love. Everything’s alright.” She was removing tears as they fell from your eyes with her palm, gently cupping your face and smiling at you, with enough warmth you knew it could power up this whole world if she let it.

Eventually, you found your voice. “Mum, what is this? How are you here? Am I dead?”

She laughed at your barrage of questioning, remembering fondly how you have always been such a curious cat, always had so many questions for her, relentless in your quest for knowledge.

“You’re with Eywa, my love. We’re with Eywa. And no, you are not dead yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yes, baby. It seems Eywa is not quite done with you yet.”

“What does the Great Mother want from me?”

“I think she wants you to make a choice, baby.”

“I’ve already made my choice.”

“I don’t think you have, my love.”

You thought about her words for a while. You thought you made your choice. I mean, you were here, weren’t you? Dead. Or in purgatory, one of the two, but still, not alive. You thought about your life. About your beautiful mother sitting in front of you, and the moment she gave her last breath to the world. Her funeral, rain pouring over you like the endless sorrow that hasn’t left you since. You thought about how hard it was to sleep at night, how the nightmares never stopped, how the sadness became a confidant you knew you could never shake - you knew you didn’t want to shake. You thought about your dad - the guilt you felt because of him, his actions, his murders, how they haunted you in dark corridors, how the Na’vi people cursed you in your dreams and told you you were a demon, just like he was. You thought about his body in the woods, his exo-suit that he left a few steps behind, and how you couldn’t walk barefoot after that. You thought about the pills, your only friends, the only cure for your debilitating insomnia. You thought about your sleep paralysis demons, crawling on top of you and sitting on your chest until you couldn’t breathe anymore, watching you scream and laughing at you mockingly, how they always looked like you, how they were just a dark, cursed version of yourself, the you you knew you looked like in your soul. You thought about Neteyam leaving - the last straw, the one that left you irreparably broken, the one that skinned you alive and left you for dead.

You thought you made your choice.

“I miss you, ma. So much.” The crying never stopped, but you held her hand and tried to revel in the feeling, in knowing she was here and you were with her. Even if you weren’t sure about your choice before, you were when you looked into her bright and caring eyes. “I just found you, I can’t lose you again.”

“I miss you, too, bunny. I have kept an eye on you for almost 9 years, everyday regretting not fighting harder to be in your life.”

You frowned at her words. “You fought hard, ma. Your death was a tragedy, but it was unavoidable.”

“Maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?”

“I mean I fell in the same bad patterns as you did, bunny. I could have asked Mo’at for the transfer, but I didn’t. Just like you didn’t. It hurts me so much to see you make the same mistakes as I did. I love you so much, and I wish I could have healed enough in life to not bestow on you this grief. I wish I could have been braver and stronger, I wish I could have asked for help when I felt like the world was caving in on itself on top of me. Maybe if I did, then you wouldn’t be here.

When your dad died, most of me died along with him. Having to have and raise you by myself was the toughest thing I have ever had to brave. And I’d like to think I did a good job, and it was easy enough, because you were the best baby anyone’s ever had, but inside I was screaming. Every night was hell and I struggled with surviving for the rest of my life. When the cancer came, I was terrified to leave you, I was terrified of knowing you would have to be in this world alone, but selfishly, I was relieved. Because the hurt would finally stop. Mo’at, Jake, Neytiri, Norm, Max, everyone tried to get me to accept the consciousness transfer, but I didn’t. Because it was my consciousness that was killing me slowly. A new body wasn’t going to change that.”

You were reeling at the confession, finding it hard to keep breathing, hard to keep going, even in death. Was there no peace? Were you never going to be at peace? You felt so sad at her words, so angry at her admitting she didn’t let you in, that she abandoned you without fighting as hard as she possibly could to heal, to stay alive for you. She lied about being happy, about you being everything she ever needed, she died without even trying the consciousness transfer. How could she ever d-

You gasped in shock at the realisation.

“What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!”

“You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.“

“Baby, are you still with me?”

All of a sudden, all new thoughts entered your mind from the ones before. You thought you made your choice. But then you thought about Pandora, the beautiful world you loved so much, that despite not being born for, you climbed its trees and ran its grounds like you had. You thought about how happy laying on the grass made you, just feeling how each blade tickled your skin and brought a laughter that was so pure, so unassuming - so real. You thought about your guitar, and the guitar Neteyam gave you, and the peace you felt when you played them, when you sang your feelings, like a litany to cleanse your soul.

You thought about Kiri - your beautiful sister who you scoured the woods with, finding rocks and flowers and watching her crafting necklaces while the light shone brightly on your faces. You thought about Lo’ak. Your movie marathons, the endless laughter and the warmth he brought to your soul, that felt forever childlike when around him. You thought about Spider, the monkey boy who was the only one who could truly understand what you were going through as a human child growing on a different planet.

You thought about Norm and Max, how they raised you without ever asking for anything in return, how they kept you in their lab and bestowed upon you all of their knowledge and skill and the look they gave you whenever you put anything they taught you to good use. You thought about Jake and Neytiri, your surrogate parents that you always pushed away, and they always came back, loving you unconditionally despite all your emotional shortcomings. You thought about Tuk, how she looked at you like you were the most amazing sister she had, how you used to be the only one who could put her to sleep when she was a fussy infant, how she loved your voice and clung to your every word.

You thought about your mum, who despite being gone for almost a decade, you still felt in you every day, whenever you touched a book you know she loved, whenever you were in the lab, whenever you looked in the mirror and the eyes that greeted you might as well be hers. Finally, you thought about Neteyam. The person you loved more than life itself, more than the sun and the moon, more than every star in the sky. The person who has been here all your life, who stood by you no matter what, who only left so you didn’t have to suffer further. You thought about his smile, his eyes which were like the lighthouse that would always guide you home, his touch that brought life back into you, his love for you, that shone bright and eternal.

You realised then you weren’t ready to say goodbye to all of those things, you wanted more, needed more. You wanted to know what it was like to live, fully live, you wanted to know what it felt like to have a proper family, you wanted to give yourself fully to the man you loved, you wanted to know if your kids would have your mum’s eyes and their dad’s kindness and patience. You wanted to experience Pandora’s sky with Neyn, and you wanted to find a cure for the virus that killed you. You wanted to help the Na’vi fight the Sky People, and you wanted to show them there are good humans out there, and you come from one, and are one. You needed more time.

You were crying so hard you felt your hand going and grasping at your heart, trying to somehow claw through your chest and grasp it in your palms and hold it, trying to stop it from hurting. “I need to go back. I have to go back, I need more time.”

As soon as you said that, you heard a sound coming from the sky, almost like far away thunder. You didn’t know what it was, but you didn’t have time to think about it.

“Ma, I have to go back. I have to make it right. I’m not ready, mum. I’m not ready to go yet.”

“I know, baby. It seems you finally made your choice.”

You saw far into the distance, and saw the edges of the world dissipate slowly, leaving behind a white glow in their wake. You knew what was coming, you knew the one thing you still had to do before it happened.

“Mum, I forgive you. I’m so sorry life took so much from you and I am sorry I couldn’t help more. I’m sorry you had to hurt alone. I love you so much, I will always love you. You will always be a part of me. I forgive you.”

You saw your beautiful mum take a deep breath in, and her body started glowing with the same glow that was gently overtaking the world.

“I have roamed this world for almost 10 years, unable to move on. I am finally free, my love. I can rest now. Thank you.”

Before she would inevitably leave you again, you needed to know one more thing.

“Mum, was my dad evil?”

“Oh, baby. Your dad was a beautiful soul, and although he had many flaws, he was not evil. When you are ready to open your bottom desk drawer, make sure you look around you as well. All will be revealed in time, my love. And listen to Kiri more when she talks to you about plants, you might be surprised what could come of it.” She smiled kindly and gave you a mischievous wink, and with that, she vanished.

“MUM!” You screamed, anguished at losing her again.

You heard her voice echo in the sky.

“Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

You smiled through tears at the poem she used to read you at least once a week when you were a baby. Once it was done, her voice was replaced with another, and you realised what the previous sounds in the sky were. The only voice in the world that mattered.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

I’m coming, my light.

“Push another round of Epi.”

Neteyam watched as the two humans were working tirelessly to try to bring you back to life. He thought he knew what pain was, what grief and sorrow were, but realised he didn’t - not until the last 30 minutes, as he saw you die in front of him, not until he saw your body being electrocuted and needles going in your heart, not until not any of this torture worked, not until you were still dead, not until his worst fear in life materialised like a bad magic trick.

“We’ve been doing this for too long, Norm. Even if she comes back now, her brain was without oxygen for 30 minutes and I-“

“Just fucking do it, Max!”

Neteyam saw Norm get the machine with the two pads that shocked your body ready again, and he felt himself hope, just a little hope, for the last time. He heard himself talk over the noise, over the constant flat tone of the machine that was connected to your heart.

“Atan! Please come back, please come back. You can’t leave me, please!”

Norm put the pads on your body as soon as Max injected you with what they called Epi.

“CLEAR!” He screamed and pressed the handles of the pads, and your body convulsed violently at the shock they administered.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

The room went completely quiet. He saw Norm and Max look at you with mouths agape and then look at each other. Then they started crying.

“We have sinus rhythm.”

Neteyam felt his heartbeat thump in his chest, felt dizzy and confused. The beeping was different than the tone he heard before. Why were they crying? He turned around to face his family and noticed them hugging, and laughing wildly, screaming and crying at the sight, and he let himself believe, for a second, that this was not bad news.

“What is sinus rhythm?” He said, voice hoarse from the amount of crying he had lived through.

“She’s alive.” Norm says through panted breaths and muted tears.

She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive.

It felt like Neteyam took his first breath, like he was born again. They say every Na’vi is born twice, and although the second one was technically when he became a man, he would argue the second time was right now. Those words brought him back to life, in an instant and he felt like he could finally breathe. He could finally live.

“Neteyam”, Max puts a hand on his shoulder, “She’s been dead for 30 minutes. She is alive, but we don’t know what state she will be in when and if she wakes.”

No, you will be fine. He had no doubt in his mind anymore. Eywa has spoken. Eywa brought you back for a reason.

Hours passed, and you didn’t wake. The two scientists gave you pills and liquids that were going in you through various tubes in your body. Neteyam was tortured at the sight, but was consoled with knowing these were keeping you alive. Eventually, they left you to rest, not being able to do anything more until you would wake up… if you woke up. His parents and siblings, and Spider also left, not too far, as they decided to sleep in the hub. Neteyam stood by your side the whole time. He held your hand which felt so small in his much bigger one, and found himself tracing every hair, blemish and vein on your arm. His gaze then shifted onto your face, which looked peaceful, a deep contrast to the one he saw just half a day ago, although it felt like a different life ago. Your beautiful lips were slightly parted as you were breathing with the help with a transparent mask that covered half your face. Your cheeks had a rosy tint to it, and were marked by shadows given by your eyelashes that were resting on them. Your forehead was finally free of the scowl or frown that seemed to plague it most days, giving you a serene look about you. Angel.

Neteyam’s gaze fell around the room, taking in all the equipment that was required to keep you alive. He learned that the beeping machine was called an electrocardiogram, and through the little sensors on your chest, it could feel your heartbeat. He learned that the machine that was pumping your blood was called a dialysis machine, and it was helping you clear your blood of waste since your body couldn’t do that by itself anymore. He learned the mask was helping you breathe, since you body couldn’t that by itself either. He was eternally grateful to these machines, and the men wielding them, for the part they were playing in you not being taken away from him. He has never liked humans, but more and more, he could understand their beauty, and that, in their own way, they were just doing their best - isn’t that the only thing one can hope for?

Neteyam was pulled out of his musings by the tiniest movement of your hand that was rested in his. He immediately snapped his eyes to your hand, and gasped loudly when you moved again - just a small twitch, nothing more, but it was enough to electrify his entire body, deep shockwaves running through him from where you touched him to each extremity. His gaze shifted on to your face, and his breath stopped when his eyes met yours. You looked tired, so tired, but alive. Your eyes crinkled at the sides as you gave him a smile, and his world shifted on its axis, never to be the same again. Your hand slowly and shakily made its way to the mask rested on your face, and you pulled on it until it came off, looking like the movement hurt, like it took all the effort you had. He could see your smile properly now, the most beautiful sight he has ever laid his eyes on - this world, the sky, this entire universe could not hold a candle to this smile.

“Hi.” You said through shallow panted breaths.

Neteyam cried, his tears flowing freely, the weight of this day bearing down on him heavily, even as he was watching you, feeling you, seeing you alive. He smiled as he brought his big hand to your face, and cupped it as gently as he knew how. You put your hand over his slowly and deliberately, and continued smiling even with the tears that were making their way down your cheeks and into your smile.

“Hi.” That’s all he could say, and he knew it was enough.

It was insane - the thought of having to leave your side for even the split of a second, but he knew his family would never forgive him if he didn’t tell them you were awake. So he went, running through the corridors of the labs and hub, trying to find his way, screaming for them at the top of his lungs, hoping he wouldn’t have to waste time searching. Eventually, they came out panicked, praying they won’t have to hear the worst. They were exalted when that wasn’t the case, and Neteyam saw his three younger siblings, as well as his honorary brother, run as fast as the lab allowed towards the room you were in. He followed suit, sending a glowing, relieved, happy smile towards their parents, which they returned with the same enthusiasm. Norm and Max were already in the room when they arrived, alerted by all the commotion. They were checking in on you, adjusted medicines and slowly removing the mask from around your face.

You were in a lot of pain, that you could feel even with the morphine you knew was supposed to keep your body nice and numb, although you suspected you were the reason it wasn’t working as well as it should. You felt every breath, every heartbeat, like it was a shot to the chest, but you didn’t complain, and stood there as your two favourite humans were working hard trying to make sure you were going to be alive for longer than a few minutes this time. You felt an immense sense of gratitude at their help and their incessant need to keep you safe and healthy, despite how horribly you treated both of them. You hoped you can earn their forgiveness in time. In time… you smiled softly at the thought. You had time.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE V: ACCEPTANCE

You were startled at all the sounds and voices coming from the corridors, and you jumped out of your skin when you saw four figures rushing towards you smiling and crying, laughing at you and approaching your body and the bed without concern for all the equipment or the tubes, or Norm and Max. You tried laughing at the endearing sight, but could only manage a forced exhale.

“You’re alive!” Tuk’s soft sobs brought you to tears again, all the events of the last few days quickly taking a toll on your already jagged body.

You nodded softly at her, giving her the biggest smile you could muster. You looked up at Lo’ak and Kiri and felt them taking each of your hand in theirs and tugging at them, holding you with whatever they could without inconveniencing you too much. Lo’ak was tugging at the IV going in your vein, making it hurt, but you couldn’t care less. You were so happy to see him, see them, so happy they found it in their infinite hearts to forgive you. You didn’t know how you still had enough fluid in you to produce even more tears, but there they were, falling again.

Neteyam walked into the room with his parents, who both brought their hands to their face at the sight of you, and looked at you with so much love your heart tugged painfully. You couldn’t speak, there were no words to convey the love and appreciation you had for them, for this family you gained, the family you would never leave again. Instead, you weakly, with all the power you had, brought your curled finger to your forehead and motioned towards them. I see you, I’m sorry. I see you.

Neytiri let out a cry and approach your legs, which she grabbed with her hands and held them softly, giving you a small squeeze.

Neteyam made his way to your side again, and pushed Lo’ak out of the way so he could be close to you, and took your hand in his again, holding to you tightly. You have never seen him like this, so possessive, so desperate to hold you, and you thought you would probably be the same if you watched him die in front of you. You brought his hand to your lips slowly and kissed it. Thank you.

You would have a lifetime to catch up and tell them everything you have wanted to say out loud your whole life but were too afraid to, but in order to do that, you had one thing to do first. You turned your attention to Kiri, who was still holding on to the arm Neteyam wasn’t.

Finally, you found your voice. It was raw and guttural, and cracked every other word, but it was there. You would learn to use it again in time.

“What do you say you and me kill this virus, forever?”

Passed down like folk songs, Our love lasts so long

Tag list (thank you thank you thank you x): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties @mommyneytiri @ultimatebluff @elizarikaallen @yeosxxx @ssc7514 @lolcaca @jackiehollanderr @bunnyrose01 @therealbloom @neteyams-queue @ @r1dd1kulus

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hotpocketpena · 1 year

Text

The Cybers Part 3

Javier Pena x Fem Reader!

A continuation from The Cybers part 2

Summary - Your return to work was difficult, after the heated encounter with Javier, could you even be in the same room with him, without thinking about what he’s done to you?

Warnings - Swearing, mentions of blood and death.

Word count - 2.2k

Notes - A lil filler until the next part. I hope ya’ll are enjoyin this series cos i certinaly am! Pls excuse any spelling mistakes, i was v tired writing this and my eyes are not what they used to be

------

The whole reception of the embassy's eyes was on you and Javier. Quiet whispers were being said, while you and Javier stood still. His hand was still wrapped around your arm, holding you in place.

His breathing was heavy and harsh, just like his gaze. His eyes burned into yours with anger. “Come with me.” He grunted, tugging your arm in the direction he wanted to go.

There was a more pressing matter at hand. You’d been so distracted by your encounter with him, that you had just begun to feel the pain of the stab wound.

Your feet were glued to the ground, refusing to go anywhere with the man that made that stab wound possible. “Let me go Pena.” You said with a low voice, the pain being too much for you to withstand another screaming match with him.

He didn’t turn his head to you. He looked around the reception of the embassy at everyone's prying eyes. “What the fuck are you all looking at!” He shouted. “Do you all have some work to do?!”

The prying eyes were scrambling to find something to do, other than look at you both.

For the first time, you took Javier’s hand from your arm and held it for a moment, then let go, his hand falling to his side. In those few moments, your heart fluttered like it once did for him. It felt warmth and love just by touching him. His skin was as soft as you remember.

You remember those nights when he’d come home later than you. He’d sneak in, careful not to wake you. What he didn’t know was that you were always awake when he wasn’t yet home from work. You’d sit up in bed and wait for the keys to turn in the door, then quickly lay down and pretend to be asleep. He’d quietly get undressed and slip under the covers and get at close to you as he could and you’d both fall asleep together.

You could never sleep when he would work late. In fear that something had happened to him on the job.

Shame he didn’t have that same feeling for you. After all, he was the one who caused you this pain.

“I can’t do this right now Pena. I need to go.” You say, the pain getting worse the more you stand around.

He turns around to look at you, the pain clear on your face. “Is it really that painful for you to even look at me?” He said with brows raised. He knew you hated him, for reasons to him that were unknown, but he didn’t know you hated him that much to be disgusted by his presence.

He took a step forward which made you flinch. This made things much worse. The sudden jolt of your body made a few more stitches pop out, the wound now fully open and seeping with more blood. Your shirt had absorbed all the blood it possibly could manage and now began to drip to the floor.

“I need to get cleaned up before I bleed out on the embassy floor.” You mutter, turning from him and making haste for the bathroom.

You burst through the doors and start taking your shirt off. Every button that you’d undo sent a sharp pain to your side, making you wince. You shrugged your shirt off your shoulders, leaving you in your bra and slacks. The paper towels by the sink weren’t enough. You’d bled through them all within seconds.

“Shit.” You muttered, taking the toilet paper from the bathroom stalls to attempt to stop the bleeding until you could get to the hospital.

“Do you need some help?” Javier’s voice made you jump.

“Fuck! Don’t scare me like that! And you need to get out of here.” You say, rolling your eyes at the fact he’d followed you into the women’s bathroom.

This man really doesn’t know what leave me alone means.

“Let me take you to the hospital. You’re about to bleed out.” He states.

“Jesus Captain Obvious, ya think!” You said sarcastically.

Javier walked over to you. “Jesus Christ I’m trying to help you here. After that stunt you pulled in that meeting I shouldn’t even be in here right now!”

Is he fucking serious?

You cackled at the sheer cheek of him. “The stunt I pulled! I wouldn’t even be in here trying to not bleed out if it wasn’t for you!” You shouted. His arrogance taking your mind away from the pain.

His fists balled up at his side, and he took a step back. “Fine. Bleed out on the floor. Like I care anymore.” He spat, shifting his eyes from yours to the blood, then back to you.

He hesitated for a moment, really not wanting you to be in here, in this situation. He wanted to be at home, in bed with you, listening to you ramble on about how everyone in your division annoys you. Listening to you singing in the shower and telling him what a bad cook he is.

But instead, he was walking out of the bathroom, leaving you to fend for yourself.

--------

“Hey guys. Thanks for picking me up.” You sighed at the sight of Connie and Steve leaning against their car in the parking lot of the hospital.

The doctors gave you a blood transfusion and stitched you up. They kept you overnight for observation and instructed you to keep off your feet for at least two weeks. When you arrived at the hospital, you were about ten minutes away from bleeding out, so you were very thankful for Nancy, one of the receptionists in the Embassy, came into the bathroom and found you passed out in a pool of blood.

She quickly called an ambulance and you arrived just in time. Otherwise, you’d have been known as the CIA agent that died in the bathroom of the American Embassy.

What a way to go

There were no unexpected visits from Javier while you were there, and thank god. It was crazy how you’d spent the last five years of your life with a man who never loved you. Who threw it all away just so he could be the big man and catch the killer.

Spending the night in the hospital had you thinking about it all. You’d refused to think or even talk about what happened with anyone, even Connie, because it hurt to much. The pain from being stabbed, set on fire, and shot at were all physical. You could recover from those things with time, but mental pain? That’s a whole different story.

You’d thought of excuses for him at first. Was he held at gunpoint and forced to feed you bad information to save somebody’s life? Was he being blackmailed into doing it?

But, Javier would never give in to any of those things. He’d never let someone have power over him. He’d rather die than give them the satisfaction. And then it hit you.

He did this to you, Javier Pena did this to you so that he could be the one to say that he caught the most wanted man on America’s hit list.

What a headline that would be.

Someone from the DEA, catching someone on the CIA’s most wanted list.

He would make history.

He was making a power grab, and that is what hurt you the most. That he used you, the woman who he promised his life. Was used for him to be a hero in the eyes of the world.

Connie ran over to you, taking the bag from your shoulder that Steve dropped off yesterday for you, and helping you into the back of the car. “What are we going to do with you eh? You’re just a walkin’ disaster girl.” Steve said, getting in the driver’s seat.

Connie smacked his arm and sat in the back seat with you. “Ignore him, I do.” She rolled her eyes and helped you put your seatbelt on. “How are you feeling hon?”

How were you feeling?

‘Well the man I loved and deep down am still in love with used me as a power grab so that he’d be the one to catch Salvador and eventually Escobar all by himself. He set me up and left me for dead. So yeah, aside from that I’m peachy’

That is what you wanted to say. Instead, you cried.

You’d cried harder than you ever had before.

And it wasn’t stopping. Steve kept driving, his heart-breaking each time you took a breath in to cry some more. Connie sat with her arm around you, stroking your hair while you cried into her shoulder.

The whole drive was silent aside from your cries.

“We’re here Con.” Steve muttered, breaking the silence between them.

You lifted your head from Connie’s shoulder and looked outside. You looked up at your apartment building and to your surprise, a single tear fell from your eyes.

You didn’t want to go back there to that place that wasn’t your home. That place was never your home. Your home was with Javier, but that wasn’t a possibility anymore.

“Do you want me to stay with you for a little while? I don’t have work for a few days so I can stay with you if you’d like?” She said sweetly, rubbing your shoulder.

“Is the offer still on the table for me to stay with you guys?” You sniffled, the tears finally stopping.

Connie sighed, giving you a sympathetic smile. “The offer never went away. It’ll always be an option for you hon.”

-----------------

“Now are you sure you’re ready for this agent? I don’t want to have to fill out another report where you’ve almost bled out in my Embassy bathrooms.” The Embassador folded his arms, raising his brows at you from his seat.

You stood with your arms by your side. “Yes sir. I’ve had plenty of time off to fully recover. All of my injuries are healed and I’ve been given the all clear from my doctors that I can return to the field.” You said confidently.

The last four weeks had been the description of hell.

No work.

No cigarettes.

No alcohol.

No doing anything for yourself.

Connie had catered to your every need. She’d cook for you, tuck you into bed, hell, she even used to stand by the bathroom door and wait for you to finishing peeing.

You loved her for it, but it was too much. The doctor told you to rest for another few weeks after your check up, but you insisted that you had to get back to work. He was hesitant at first, not wanting you to end up like you did last time, but he was impressed with how fast you’d been healing. He said you’d need to take medication everyday for the next two weeks, but he allowed you to return to work.

Connie deep down was sad that you were going back to work. Steve however couldn’t have been happier. He jumped from his seat on the couch when you and Connie got back from the hospital and told him the news.

He drove you both to work this morning, making sure before you got out of the car that you were ready to go back and if you wanted to take some more time off, nobody would judge you. But, even if you weren’t ready, you couldn’t take another second of Connie over your shoulder 24/7.

He gave you a smile and a nod as he headed to the DEA floor, and you headed to the Ambassadors office for your meeting.

He scanned his eyes over some papers in front of him and signed a few. “Now, I didn’t want to put you straight in the field, so for the next few days, we’ll see how you get on with some paperwork.”

“Sir, excuse me for speaking out, but I’m the head of operations within my division. I can’t sit back and do paperwork while my guys are out there risking their lives. I need to be out there with them.” You pleaded.

“Agent, the only field mission available right now is with agent Pena.” He said, clearing his throat.

Your heart clenched at his name. Your mind started to bring back the images of you two together and happy.

“I’d be happy to be on that mission sir. I want to get this bastard more than anyone.” You said, clearing your mind of the thoughts.

He pondered for a second. He didn’t think it was a good idea putting you with Pena after the last encounter you both had, but you were the best agent in this whole building. It’d be useless putting you on paperwork duty.

“If I let you on this job, I do not want a repeat of what happened in my board room. I want this job to be clean and quick. With as few casualties as possible.” He was very clear with his words.

“Not a repeat of what happened and no casualties, you got it Sir.” You said and nodded.

“Okay then. There’s a de briefing in twenty minutes. I’d advise you freshen yourself up, grab your gear and head to the DEA. They’ve taken the reins while you’ve been gone.”

“Thank you sir.” You ignored what he said about the DEA taking over your hunt for Salvador and headed for the door.

“Agent?” The ambassador spoke.

You turned your head to him, “It’s good to have you back.” For the first time in your career at the embassy, he smiled.

“It’s good to be back.”

#javier pena x reader #javierpena #javier Peña #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #narocs

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hella1975 · 1 year

Note

accent enthusiast and yorkshire citizen here: tho posh pricks and classists attack regional accents (even though by nature these accents are arguably MORE english and retain more germanic features because of less education and/or more rurality, while they sound french) because they hate poor people, i am going to hypothesise that they are also racist

so. i assume youre northern by the sound of your h dropping. h dropping is a very white northern accent trait, people who grew up in places with a significant white majority. however, t dropping is very recent addition to working class northern english which originated with estuary english and spread across the country by ethnic minorities - mostly by second/third gen a. carribbean, south asian and polish people. this creates a new type of working class english which is unique to every city, every ethnicity and every household across britain. its called MBE (multicultural british english). it is usually spoken in places with diverse population. and although not much research has been done on these accents (apart from the one in london bc of fucking course), they are spoken by many many people.

mbe is usually a mix of a. carribbean, south asian, polish and regional slang amd accent features. but one defining characteristic is the t dropping. which again is a pretty new accent feature outside of london. so my hypothesis: they focus on the t dropping specifically because it's unique to ethnically diverse english.

i will talk accents with anyone for hours upon hours upon hours anon i am shaking u by the head for all ur thoughts rn. im not from up north! im a midlands girlie through and through, rural england right by the welsh border. mine is technically a rhotic accent with hints of welsh?? but my town in particular has much more welsh elements than midlands elements just bc of how close we are to the border?? idk my accent has been known to confuse people far and wide lol. the perks of being from the midlands truly.

everything you've said here is new to me, are there any sources/articles you could send me so i can read more? this seems super interesting!

i do however know a bit about midlands' accents/rural english accents, and from what i know of them, the 'dropping Ts' part of certain dialects has been present for centuries. it's called the glottal T (which is v funny to me bc saying that out loud on its own will reveal to people if you t-glottal or not). it's really hard to find out where this originated from and i cant speak for up north but ik in my area the general consensus is that it's just. always been around (which i know can't be true so again! if anyone has any sources or knows anything im such a nerd about these things so pls dont be shy!). still, i always thought it came from old english and a lot of influence from scots? and from my knowledge from its origins in england i always thought it did START with the rural areas like mine? alas for my own sanity i try not to research t-glottalling too much bc even the 5 mins i did for this to double check my facts had me seeing words like 'insidious' and 'lazy' and 'ugly' being thrown about literally bc of a single letter. like insidious are we being serious rn. someone tell barnaby from kent to take deep breaths.

the polish thing really interested me here though bc ive heard once or twice people say about my dialect/region that there are polish elements, and as someone who knows nothing about polish i couldn't really pinpoint to you what it was or anything but seeing it in your ask i was like !!!!! fr !!!!! it's interesting that this could be why people say that.

going back to h-dropping and t-glottalling, my region is actually RENOWNED for 'dropping letters and syllablles left right and centre' <- direct quote from someone trying to explain it lmao. like we've got very farmer accents to the point my flatmate once - very rudely - went on and ON about me having a west country accent and even when i explained it to her over and over that no just bc i have a RURAL accent doesnt mean it has to be west country, she still wouldn't let it go and tried to make a joke that my accent was 'inbred' bc of it. this is the flatmate i made cry and is now too scared to stay at our flat though so all is well <3 so yeah it's not just the northerners! even if we all have to suffer at the hands of the RP folk

the mbe thing is super interesting though bc while i dont know enough about it to speak on the letter dropping, i do know that my own accent has picked up a couple mbe features since coming to uni (mainly just new slang than actual accent but ive had to catch myself a couple times icl). not only is my uni city one of the most multicultural cities in england, but a lot of the student population are from london, which IS the most multicultural city in england. i know there's the stereotypical roadman accent that a lot of people tease about, but that is of course hugely inspired by the ethnicities you listed, particularly caribbean, and a lot of that comes right out of london. there's definitely something to be said about the fact that the people who most often get called chavs/get slated for being rough are also the ones who speak with that multicultural accent. like i WONDER what that's about

#im being serious if anyone knows more about this im dying to know #bc it's so hard to find resources on the actual HISTORY of english dialects #mainly bc they're so individual like i literally had to delete a chunk of this response bc i realised someone dedicated enough #could actually figure out my TOWN based purely on the slang/dialect features i was talking about #but yes i know we've said it before but you know when i get mad at americans on here that mimic t-glottalling?#it's bc you sound like barnaby from kent. it's bc there's people i deal with DAILY that think i sound ugly stupid lazy and INSIDIOUS #just bc of a single letter #and that's just the Ts! i said here my accent is known for dropping letters wherever we can! do you know how tired i am of this!#ask

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sungpeach · 10 months

Text

n a v i g a t i o n

hi yall i'm demi (26, they/she, pacific) and this is sung! feel free to give this a like or dm me on discord at demi6468 if you'd like to plot

if you're wondering if i'm the demi you know... probably. it's been a while since i've done tumblr rp so pls bear w me. this barbie is also a shawol so expect constant references in and out of character. that said, more sung info (sungfo, if u will) below:

-----

background:

grew up poor but then listened to paris hilton and just stopped being poor (or, as history will say, his parents' restaurant business blew up)

moved around quite a bit in older child/tween years as the business grew

was an idol fan from a young age, but the 'rents wanted sung as their business successor

sucks 4 them sung became a trainee anyway. was set for debut after a couple years but that fell through, then the company started treating him as a model instead of an idol and it wore him down and he left

took on military service

didn't give up on his dream tho, joined another company after coming back and worked as a back up dancer for a fallback

tldr for the ending survival show > temporary group > disbandment > solo

personality:

vitamin, sunshine, kind, sweet, polite, hopeless romantic, hard working, determined, introspective, dreamer, overthinker, judgmental, gives himself very good advice but very seldom follows it, can be a bit manipulative (though he doesn't think he is)

he's a pisces, for context on all the above. also a crybaby. cries for happiness, sadness, anything in between

sung's idol self and true self aren't particularly different, idol sung is just more careful/shows negative traits less. he has a pretty good reputation, and a lot of his Brand relies on being likable

the biggest actual difference is sung's a raging homo, which ofc isn't public knowledge

introverted extrovert. most would class him as an extrovert, but he really needs the time to have a cool down period

plots:

sung loves to read, so fellow readers are an easy connection

cares Very Much about music and dance. while he's a known kpop gg stan, he has a decent range of taste in music. over his idol career, he's developed a strong love for songwriting and choreographing to where at this point he's not particularly interested in releasing anything his hands Haven't touched. this is a great place for other diehards/creatives to connect, but also where sung's negative traits could come out. he could be quick to judge someone's commitment level and react poorly due to it

it'd be Lovely to fill the role of a choreographer that sung really respects and has a close relationship with. preferably not an idol for this one, but they would be the person who co-choreographed and starred in sung's move! i see this relationship as one where their passions about dance line up very well and it was an instant connection. they could have worked together at other points as well, like choreographing for bsides for his first solo concert

that said, would also love other dancers that he keeps on retainer for releases and performances! as he cares so much about his ~art~ he really wants to keep those he feels align with his work. so the same faces pop up a lot. he's very loyal and gives flowers (mostly metaphorical but literal too) to all staff and crew, whether they're on stage with him or not

also loves romantic dramas. he's less knowledgable in other fields (least knowledgable in horror) but still partakes. he's just more likely to sims 4 get famous scream and faint over a romance actor

any athletes i am so sorry to tell u this gayby has no clue who you are

other survival group members! idt i'll make it an official wanted ad since i left everything so vague, but there are so many directions for that. i also Headcanon jsj (the temp group) to being a pseudo sibling group with rhiannon and yebin's viv:id 🤓

i'd love for another vivid member to come and be the feat on sung's song be your enemy! yebin was karina in want and rhi was seulgi on heart stop so it'd be fun to continue the trend

another negative place to come from could be just catching sung on a bad day back when he was pushed as a model in his og company. he was very worn out, discouraged, and idk teen hormones im sure didn't make it easier. on the flip side, someone supporting him then would be lovely

the easiest way to tick sung off without much effort has to do with politeness. he gives a lot more grace to foreigners, but really doesn't stand for it from born koreans

i mention negative ideas most since those are hardest for nice muses BUT in gen, sung is kind of a 'friend of the industry' guy. though, especially when he was younger, he had a hard time picking up on cues from people that they didn't want to be friends. he's pretty full on and touchy straight away. loves him a little cuddle

with romance, he's a chronic falling in love with friends-er. but he's also a True hopeless romantic so a guy says smth nice to him once and he walks away with a little bit of a crush 9/10 times. doesn't tend to go for his best interests, so negative romantic r/s are welcome too (past or present)

also he had a gf sometime when he was around 16-18, so that could be fun to play with!

#thefourintro

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casualhedonists · 4 months

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i'm the one that asked u about ur favourite movies and i am so delighted to know you're a movie buff! you can tell with how lovingly you describe them and you have EPIC taste truly!!! are you on that movie app/site letterboxd? if so, drop the user RN bestie (if not, GET ON IT RN BESTIE)

ima slip in a couple recommendations rq (hopefully you've seen, but if you haven't, i reckon you might like) such as

'tick, tick... BOOM!' directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda (musical-biopic, Jonathan Larson, lots of catchy songs in it)

'Babylon' directed by Damien Chazelle (controversial, love letter to cinema, massive shit on Hollywood, beautifully made and incredible score)

'bones and all' directed by Luca Guadagnino (cannibal romance, outcasts, stoic and freaky movie)

the 'Before' trilogy directed by Richard Linklater (young ethan hawke, romance, beautiful beautiful score, essentially observing two people fall in love and talk for an hour and a half or something, incredible trilogy - my personal favourite is 'before sunset')

'When Harry Met Sally...' directed by Rob Reiner (classic rom-com, friends to lovers, unbelievably charming. i mean i would be surprised if you havent seen this one especially but just incase lmao)

'Sanctuary' directed by Zachary Wigon (dominatrix, freaky and sexy, cute score, interesting and really well made. not anything INCREDIBLE but definitely worth the look)

ANYWAYS sorry for taking up a lot of space in your inbox, would love to read some of ur thoughts on these, or just generally would love to see you post more about cinema if you're down!

i hope you're well and taking care of yourself! sending so so much love from (likely) across the world <3333

you’re the cutest nonnie hope you know that <3333

(i’m not on letterboxd a travesty i KNOW) i rlly do need to get around to that at some point bc wow

also!! you have incredible taste, these recs are 11/10

oh my god i fucking LOVE tick tick boom. like. i waited for months for it to come out and watched it w my family the day it came out and they all watched me ugly cry the whole time. it was such a moment in time. honestly i was so nervous i wouldn’t like it bc of how much i adore rent but lin manuel miranda was the only person id trust to do jonathan larson’s story justice and BOY did he exceed expectations. if we’re talking musical biopics, god i LOVED rocketman and bohemian rhapsody when they came out. that was such a good year for movies.

i also adore when harry met sally. god i just. romcoms. yknow?? strangely though despite my film buff status i didn’t watch it until like a year ago, it had been on my list for ages and def did not disappoint. i love the classic romcoms too, pretty woman, notting hill, love actually (did i mention the holiday in my original post?? pls tell me i did i could write essays abt that movie) like i shit you not i have a full spotify playlist with movie scores and i constantly say im like miles (jack black’s character) from the holiday bc he’s a composer and score buff (im only the latter lmao but still)

i’ve been wanting to watch babylon for the LONGEST time now you e def given me an excuse to get around to it!! and my friend has told me about bones and all saying it’s incredible (she and i have like this cannibalism inside joke it’s hard to explain without sounding weird lmaoo) and it’s also on the list!! and the before trilogy sounds right up my alley and i’m v curious to check out sanctuary also!!

i’m trying to think of other movies to suggest hmmm it depends on your tastes like my top five are def inspiring/heart wrenching but also comfort romance/ romcoms but i love all diff types of movies. like space movies as a category, the martian and interstellar as my top two for example. (also basically anything w jessica chastain in it i will watch bc im in love w her) and okay i also love the classics like the truman show, dead poets society, also horror movies too like the original scream is def my favorite horror film bc its hilarious, and i also (not in a toxic film bro way) rlly do like tarantino. like. inglorious basterds my beloved and also reservoir dogs, so good.

okay i think i’ve talked way too much abt movies for one post im wrapping it up now!! hope you’re well nonnie and sending tons of love back <333

#hope you don’t mind me giving you an emoji without you asking but!! if you’re okay to be cinema nonnie #cinema nonnie you shall be #asks 💌#🎬#｡･:*˚:✧｡ mimi speaks!

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lollipopsub · 1 year

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share with the classroom 🍵

at your service!!

My opinions on the GMMTV 2023 lineup!!! this is gonna be a long one :')

My initial thought was: lawd so many slapstick comedies, so few intriguing storylines.

At first I was thinking that GMMTV's business strategy seems to be non-existent; I would've expected them to see the success of KinnPorsche and Be On Cloud (regardless of what you think of the company, there's no denying the financial results they've managed with the success of KP) and aim for that direction. HOWEVER... I realise that I actually have no idea how GMMTV is perceived domestically, so my perspective is wildly biased as an international fan with no access to Thai sources and communities. I didn't watch other than the BL trailers because I know I'm not gonna watch the others anyway. But those seemed to be largely.... not my cup of tea.

So my thoughts on individual trailers (I haven't watched all of them, just the ones where the involved actors interested me)...

Hidden Agenda: Is this 2gether 3.0? Doesn't seem to have too much of a deeper storyline driving it, so I'm probably not gonna be watching; feels like I've seen it 100 times before already.

Last Twilight: So.. the story is a young guy from a somewhat shady background needs to get a job that pays well, decides to take the gig of caretaker of a man who got disabled in an accident. The disabled man chooses the delinquent even though the latter isn't really qualified, but the disabled man enjoys that the caretaker doesn't pity him for being disabled. They develop a close bond with one another.

Now watch the trailer for The Untouchables: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK5hMNxqsFA

do y'all see what I see lmao.

ps. the untouchables is one of my favorite movies EVER so I'm not at all mad that Last Twilight seems to be a adaptation but........... y'all this is a adaptation.

Dangerous Romance: pls someone's gotta tell GMMTV to reconsider the English titles for their shows. Imagine going like "hi my favorite show is Dangerous Romance" with your whole chest 😭 Nah fam.

However, this looks fairly interesting. I'm going to pretend it's not set in a High School and that it means they're like babies, because I like Chimon and I am so excited for Perth. He is such a good actor, so I'm happy they gave him a show that seems to have more of a storyline (considering GMMTV). It looks like they have pretty good chemistry too. But also, the scene where they're fighting in the rain at the end reminded me of the OG mock trailer for 2gether which amused me heheh. Going to be excited to see the real trailer later to see if it stays with the same mood.

A Boss and a Babe: the way I cringed thru this entire thing. Looks super slapstick and not my cup of tea. Yikes.

Cooking Crush: ..... OFFGUN????? I have been blessed. Gun could make a 10 episode show of him staring into a wall and I would still be watching it religiously. I will be watching because it's OffGun and usually their chemistry makes everything worthwhile, and also I saw someone saying Gun himself had requested to do a RomCom with Off and I choose to believe that because that is very wholesome, 10/10.

Only Friends: ok I've mentally been calling this OnlyFriends (as in OnlyFans) and honestly isn't that lowkey accurate? The trailer for this flips my pancakes, waters my crops and hydrates my skin. It looks incredibly messy and the director said it's "Britney Spears toxic level" so sign me upppp. Some of the sets look like the same as YinWar used for their Concert trailer (the kitchen where Khaotung and Neo argues and the bathroom where First and Khao cuts each other's hair) and the fact that it isn't an actual show was my villain origin story, so I'm just gonna. Mentally insert YinWar in this show and live my best life.

I'm seeing people saying that some are complaining that it looks toxic and they're mad about it, etc etc but... I mean... this is what I was expecting to see more of, and I'm honestly kind of curious to see just how spicy GMMTV will dare to be. I'm not expecting a literary masterpiece storytelling wise, but the characters have potential to carry a good story anyways.

Our Skyy 2: YESSSS EARTHMIX MY INCREDIBLY MARRIED BABIES. Can't believe this is the only thing they've got lined up for next year, but I guess they're too busy taking care of their 64 cats which is fair.

Will be watching the EarthMix, FirstKhaotung and PondPhuwin episodes, I think!!!

ok last thought: did someone kidnap Neo's grandma and hold her hostage for a ransom, what bills does he gotta pay to have to be in literally every show 😂 poor boi can't have had much time to sleep (and yet not a single one where he's paired with Louis, the AUDACITY)

TL;DR: I'm excited for Only Friends and Dangerous Romance, and will watch Cooking Crush because of OffGun only. Also, I'm excited for Never Let Me Go and Moonlight Chicken from the 2022 lineup so hopefully those two will air soon as well!!

#gmmtv 2023 #thai bl drama #gmmtv #bl drama #lollipop talks to the void

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luxuriousmalfoy · 11 months

Text

Interview Music Tag Game

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!)

OKAY this looked so fun so tysm for tagging me @felixantares ily!!!!!

also i just did this with my liked songs on Spotify which i've had for many years, so some of these take me back lmao

First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

It’s poker—he can’t see it in my face but i’m about to play my ace. New Romantics by Taylor Swift

okay this song uses the first person plural in like EVERY LINE except this one and one other. this was a very hard one lmao

2. What kind of [Aries] are you?

I’ll burn out and slip away, and this is just a part I portray. Masterpiece Theatre II by Marianas Trench

3. You're visiting your favorite spot. What are you thinking about

Nobody’s heard from me for months, I’m doing better than I ever was Call it What You Want by Taylor Swift

okay i love this song sm. my fav on reputation fs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

It’s so right, you know? Little Black Dress by One Direction

OF COURSE i got the 1d song with the least usable lyrics LMAO PLS just try to use this song for this question with a different lyric than this i'm begging you

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

Staring at the Ocean: Waiting for the World to End Heavy Boots by Motion City Soundtrack

Believe me my other choices were far more depressing than what i went with lollll

6. What would you say about your best friends?

Some things just make sense Still into You by Paramore

7. Think back to when you had everything figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

Bring some alcohol Still by Foo Fighters

LOL PLS this one was the perfect opportunity i couldn't pass up

8. Describe your aesthetic now.

On the edge of something real. I have a choice, but I don’t know what to feel. Getting tired of all this fear. Fall- Jonas Brothers

IT'S SO WILD i've been listening to this song so damn much lately

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

Home now, lights out. Painkillers by Gracie Abrams

okay this one makes me laugh so much bc the idea of me (a recovered pill addict) having lyrics from a song called PAINKILLERS in my eulogy is some seriously hilarious irony

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

I want to tell you there was no one that I ever believed in more than you. I want to know if there was anyone you ever believed in more than me. Bad Idea by Motion City Soundtrack

this one was actually kind of a nice one for this wow. also exposing myself w all the motion city soundtrack on here lmao

okay i am just gonna tag @vitaminpops and @iammyownsaviour no pressure ofc but this was v fun hehe

#tag game #tw: mentioned addiction

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melancholyjones · 2 years

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TMMN ep1 thoughts

overall I loved it!!

the OP & ED pay homage to the og anime’s OP/ED! (I nearly cried when they sang “[it’s] showtime again!”)

that, combined w/ the fast pacing has me thinking new might be more for fans of the og series than for new audiences - we learn masaya’s name & basic personality b4 even hearing ichigo’s name, as if we’re expected to already know her. just overall it was a very busy ep, but not much actually happened til the last 10ish mins. they really rushed thru laying the groundwork

that said i do really like the changes they made re: mint already being a mew. i really really hope they give her an arc about coping with being the 1st mew but not the team leader

it’s interesting that the girls were deliberately chosen this time round, unlike the manga or og anime where it was coincidence/fate that they all happened to be at the exhibit. hope it’s explained how/why they specifically were picked & by whom

another reason i love mint already being a mew - SHE & RYOU HAVE BANTER!! they’re besties! genuinely my fav part of the post-fight scene, pls let them continue to be snarky & judgmental together

i truly truly adore the new voice cast! tenma & hinata bring so much personality to ichigo & minto! in particular i love tenma’s voice cracks & hinata’s v clear, crisp tone (i dunno how to phrase it, something about her delivery just reads as confident & direct w/o sounding stiff or mean). i loved them + juni as retasu from day 1 (can’t wait for next ep!). toda & ishii took some time to grow on me but they’re perf too! all of them just express their characters’ energies so well - props to the voice director!

haven’t paid as much attention to the boys’ va’s, but i do like this masaya so far - he’s a lot more reserved & low energy than the og series, which i think works better for the character. i think a subtlely flat/detached affect suits him & helps w/ foreshadowing

also, am I reading to much into it, or did his initial reaction to ichigo confessing she doesn’t actually know about animal conservation seem like subtle withdrawal/shut down - up til she starts asking him more about it? like, he was excited to’ve met someone he thought gets it, but when it turns out (from his pov) ichigo’s just like every1 else, he immediately puts the mask back on all the way. it’s once she starts trying to learn more & engage w/ the topic sincerely that he starts to open up again. but it all happens v quickly in just a minute change of facial expression. i dunno maybe i’m reaching

speaking of ichigo, SHE’S SUCH A TEEN I LOVE HER. having no clue what she wants to do when she grows up & deciding ‘fuck it, focus on the present’, learning about some great injustice in the world & immediately forming a hard opinion about it, seeing her crush get attacked by a monster & her 1st instinct is to throw a rock she can barely lift & tell it to fuck off, getting in a car w/ strange men, realizing only once she’s in the vehicle & has no clue where they’re going that maybe she’s in danger & THEN POUTING & STOMPING out of the vehicle when ryou calls her annoying - SHE’S A DISASTER WHAT A DARLING

i think my only real big let down is that once again they omitted the girls meeting bc of retasu’s bullies. it’s a really good scene! it communicates in just a few pages how the girls react to someone in need & how they resolve conflict (plus i was really looking forward to watching bu ling kick some1 in the head & zakuro casually threaten to break a girl’s arm)

neway i’m so excited for the rest of new!

#tokyo mew mew #tokyo mew mew new #tokyo mew mew new spoilers

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gamergoo · 2 years

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Oh pls what are some of ur least fav ships designs and why??? I am enjoying reading these so much omg

Okay fair warning the first one here is from legends so this might turn into me shitting on legends because I really do hate so much of it

First up is the absolutely uncontroversial take that the K-Wing is a fucking abysmal design

This fucking travesty is classified as a “heavy fighter/bomber” in one of the most insane designs to ever grace the galaxy. Two primary cockpits, assumed to be a pilot and main gunner responsible for all those missiles and. Medium blasters? And then the “rear” gunner who isn’t actually on the rear of the fighter and can only shoot in like a 180 degree arc above the vehicle, a place most pilots don’t go because it’s not a blindspot. And then ALSO that fully gimballed forward gunner position in what can only be described as the fighter’s scrotum. And on top of that you have the actual K shape of the wings which sucks so ass! like all of these could’ve been consolidated into a light gunship along the lines of the LAAT but meant for space combat, but legends wanted to have their alphabet fighters and ran out of ideas.

Next we have a canon ship, the V-19 Torrent fighter with a… shall we say unique? Space frame. So here’s a little design philosophy for you, the reason a fighter is shaped like it is, usually very sleek and flat, is because you’re constantly trying to orient yourself with your nose pointed at your target, and you want a small silhouette in that direction, and if you can you should have a minimal silhouette from above/below as well, this is why the X wing is a fantastic design and the A wing relies on speed to avoid being hit in its giant pancake shape. The V-19 torrent took that idea and went “yeah actually what if we made this thing the easiest target for a vulture droid you’ve ever seen” which TO BE FAIR it was a pre existing design when the war started and got phased out in favor of the ARC-170 and the Z-95 headhunter, but like. Why make someone pilot that? Come on.

We’re now entering the realm of “ostensibly good design, just don’t use it like that.” This here is the Interdictor class star “destroyer” with that last bit in quotation marks because this thing couldn’t destroy a rock. Its armament consists of: point defense and nothing else. The main draw comes from its namesake, the ability to generate an interdiction field to rip spacecraft out of hyperspace, and to prevent them from re-entering it. In concept this is an extremely useful vessel against an enemy that uses hit and run tactics to cover their defenseless fighters and frigates, and I’m all for very specialized designs, but as I’ve said a lot today, the empire fucking sucks at naval doctrine and utterly failed to use this effectively, and as a result they were all destroyed. The ship was designed to generate the interdiction field and then sit at the back of a battlegroup and let faster or stronger vessels like the Arquitens or ISD, but that is a strategy that will fail every time against the incredibly nimble strike craft of the alliance, as they WILL get around your escort, they WILL slip under your shields and past your point defense, and they WILL exploit the 4 massive weak points you’ve so graciously provided. This is a FANTASTIC design that could never see more prominence because it was added after the original trilogy where it never appeared so they had to justify it never seeing large production, which is a real shame.

This is another fantastic design that’s just used horribly. The GR-75 medium transport is, as you can see if you look at the gorgeous front end, a cargo ship. It was repurposed to function as a lot of things, troop transports, evacuation craft, fireships, etcetera but it was always confined to the back of a battlegroup because it is described as “lightly armed” and I don’t think we ever see one fire a single shot, “lightly armored” and, at the very least, shielded and hyperspace capable. This is a glorified escape pod, it’s a sitting duck even in motion, the alliance uses them terribly, and never refit them for combat despite their ability to do that with the Nebulon B and like every mon calamari design. I see one of these and I get so mad because it’s a gorgeous design that is never used well in any media it appears in.

My next extremely controversial take is that the Imperial 1 and Imperial 2 class star destroyers are mostly solid designs with one glaring issue that I think is largely made up for by the sheer amount of guns on this thing, and the fact it also functions as a carrier for a swarm of fighters. fun fact: you can tell which is which by looking at the sensor tower on top of the bridge, the X shape is an ISD-1! Anyway that single glaring flaw is that the bridge is a giant giant target, a trait it shares with the Executor, but there it’s made up for by the comparatively small size. But as we’ve seen, a single ship crashing into the bridge by accident will disable the whole thing. I will admit it does its job very well, and that job is intimidation and force projection, this thing is menacing as all hell, the rebellion would always rather avoid fighting them, even the combined rebel fleet attacking the DS2 Death Star was reluctant to engage a battlegroup of them(granted the Executor was also there and that’s a bit of a turn off for any sane commander.) I said when talking about the Resurgent class that its bridge is shielded better, and also doesn’t require bottlenecking your crew down the neck there. If given a choice between Star destroyers I will almost never pick this thing.

Honorable mention and returning hero of a previous post, the TIE/d Defender just looks fucking stupid in canon and legends alike, this thing is ridiculous and will never be as cool as the TIE/in Interceptor

Anyway thank you for all the questions today!!! I think I’ll probably make more posts about like my fav fighters and also my fav ground vehicles as well, but I’m very tired right now so enjoy my ramblings about naval doctrine

#Star Wars #Vesta’s Ship Design Rants

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aronarchy · 2 years

Note

Hello! It is me, violence anon. Any tips for disrupting local government? They're building even more houses, rent is going up, and even more people are becoming homeless.

Also, they bulldozed my tree friends, technically destroying several animals homes so I am very very mad about that on top of everything else.

This might be specific but housing projects happen everywhere so I don't think asking this'll put me in danger.

I tried finding resources on it, but everything I've found is about peaceful protest.

Sincerely, anon.

General easy place to start re helping people out is just finding & volunteering at your local FNB: https://foodnotbombs.net/new_site/index.php

Viewing yourself as less "distinct" from homeless people if you're not homeless yourself, reaching out and helping out if they need/ask for help, donating to/helping out other people struggling financially if you're in a position to do so. i.e. helping people. If you are desperate because more and more people around you need more and more help them help them. Rather than waiting around trying to pick a representative who might someday create policies to do it.

fun things: https://hater-of-terfs.tumblr.com/tagged/mutual%20aid

I like reading about other activists' struggles and successes in their own specific situations combating gov't projects that harm animals/the environment and what they did there, and thinking about plans from there. But the important thing you should focus on is to organize. Connect with others (especially locals) with similar feelings/goals. Things go much easier when you're not just trying to figure things out alone, and there are probably already people in your area trying to do the same thing right now. Probably people already planning protests etc. Looking at major culprits right now, any recent political horrors the gov't has decided to inflict upon you/us/them, locating where are people deciding to get angry about it, express their anger about it, protesting etc.

Think about what you wish were different. What you want to happen. What you would do if you could, or want to but don't, which hasn't been done. And then realize that it's likely no one's going to do it for you, it's not going to happen until someone actually does it, and adopting a sort of "just do it" mentality

I don't know much about your individual situation, so you'll have to calibrate your plans to the specifics of your life. And I'm not any sort of experienced offline activist, I'm definitely not the first person people should be asking about this sort of thing (there are much more experienced people out there, or even just on Tumblr, that would probably be far more helpful).

Basics:

has a lot of nice things incl. examples

and https://hater-of-terfs.tumblr.com/tagged/practical

I sympathize, it's incredibly difficult to find resources beyond peaceful-protest-to-maybe-persuade-the-government-to-care when doing normal google searches about activism, I would recommend using different search keywords (i.e. leftism/revolution/etc related things)

Followers pls feel free to add on! (I've been v tired & busy & unmotivated as of late & am procrastinating a lot to answer stuff so probably didn't put in as much as I wanted to)

#ask #anon #direct action

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ghoulfr13nd · 6 days

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oh man pls don't apologize it's totally ok! it really wasn't my intention to make you feel guilty or anything, i was just making sure because i suddenly remembered previous difficulties that's all! fgsdjka of course you can take as long as you need your comfort and time always comes first, obviously! 💗

and don't feel pressured to do aspect playlists or anything, that was just a suggestion :D and as fun as it is, it takes SO MUCH TIME! it took me and my friend DAYS, almost a week! so really don't worry about it hsdjdfs but i can still give some examples! (i had no idea if you meant for all aspects or just some examples in general but oh well!)

breath: Where No One Goes by Jónsi Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance

blood: "99" by Barns Courtney Hey Brother by Avicii

light: All This And Heaven Too by Florence + The Machine Next Up Forever by AJR

void: Valley Of The Dolls by Marina The Underground by Unlike Pluto & 8 Graves

rage: STFU! by Rina Sawayama BLOODMONEY by Poppy

hope: The Real World by Owl City Counting Stars by OneRepublic

heart: Metamorphosis by Penny Parker still feel. by half•alive (with heart we focused more about identity than other things (especially not romance, i don't subscribe to the notion that Heart is a "Romance Aspect" like. at all.))

mind: Everything Moves by Bronze Radio Return Deadlock by Go! Child

doom: Troubled Times by Green Day Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

life: Bloody Mary by 缶缶うっせぇわ by Ado

time: Industry Baby by Lil Nas X Elevate by DJ Khalil (with time we specifically went with The Extended Zodiac description so it's all about fighting and overcoming challenges!)

space: Obstacles by Syd Matters Spanish Sahara by Foals

(sorry if it's a lot!)

oooh Witch of Void sounds so cool! but Maid of Breath/Light is also great! it's so cool you went from Void to (potentially) Light since they are (allegedly) two opposite aspects! and hey i know this quiz, it was one that pointed me in the direction of my current classpect! :D i ignored the fanmade things too, they were put there to fill space probably anyway ;v; i love classpecting as personality test too! i used to be so intense about it too, you have no idea, oh man. the long hours i spend reading and exchanging theories… WOW fsdgjdfk but my classpect is probably page of heart! i've been identifying as Heart player since my early times in fandom, i tried to change it several times but i always turn back to it fsdjk and Page is just a class i feel the most connected to! :D

and i hope so too! :D that'd be my first concert of an artist i'd actually cared about! i hope it will bring me as much joy as you get out of your concert experiences, you make it sound magical! :D how's the progress in seeing all your gender artists? are you more than half-way to your final form perhaps? 👀

and thank you so much for listening to these songs it means a lot! ;v; and you know, that's fair, i basically grew up with german because i have some of my family living there and i had to learn it in school so i don't see it as unusual but i can totally see it sounding silly it takes some getting used to fgsdjk hmmm my thoughts… well, with Sonne i especialyl like the industrial sounds and this like- strong "drop" when the guitar comes up! and i really like the feminine vocalizations through! also. i know it sounds ridiculous but i used to want to make an undertale animatic to Sonne fgasdfjk (i am cringe but at least i am free!) with Links 2 3 4 i remember (for the first time in my life) looking for interviews with band members because i found their lyrics so interesting & i think i remember reading specifically about how they had to fight with accusations/assumptions of them being "right-wing" just because of being a german metal band, so they made a song to make a point they're left leaning ("They want my heart in the right place, but then I look away and down. There it beat left, left, left, left." < these lyrics are so on the nose with that context and i love them for it fdgasjkf) Amerika is just- a classic i think! one of first songs i heard from them and i think lyrics here are also very on the nose about americanization of the world etc and i felt that, especially as a middle schooler that just started being conscious of the world fgsdjka but mostly i chose these songs because they are the most nostalgic to me and/or slap, at least to me! fgsdjk

and also OMG THAT'S SUCH A NICE SENTIMENT!!! FGSDJFKSDHKL (excuse me while i try not to tear up! fhdsfds) i am so into this idea AAAAAAAA! ;v; when i saw the playlist with my alias my stomach made a little flip (in a good way!) it's so nice of you! ;v; oh man i'm excited! :D question though! by sending you a list you mean a list from specific playlists or just whatever? 👀 (though i won't be sending a list now because i already gave you a long list of aspect vibes so i don't want to overdue it! fgsjkfdhfjk)

music anon 🎶

hello my anon….. i went to work, for a couple of walks, played a LOT of pokemon go and took a cold shower. you have been on my mind the whole time.

dw dw i didnt think you were trying to make me feel guilty!! i understood what you were goin for, and i’m appreciative of it!!

like, i feel like this is going to sound rude, but i’m kind of at this place in my life where i dont really. feel. obligated to uphold these polite standards most people have? and i dont really expect others to have them with me. it’s like, i GUESS its polite, but really i just think its counterproductive. if i force myself to do something, im not giving my best, and i want to give my best! so i’m always going to wait until i feel like i can. and if that’s how i feel about it, it’s hypocritical to not extend that to others. uhhhh i lost my point. i just mean like. its hard to make me feel bad about something like that flsjdjdkdjdk. sorry for this long tangent, i just don’t want you to worry about making me feel bad by giving me a gentle nudge. i’m heartier than that!

AND on that note, i do NOT feel obligated to make aspect playlists. aspect playlists are RIGHT up my alley. i mentioned to one of my friends that you and i were talking about classpects and he was like “oh they came to the right fucking house” and i was like “I KNOW!!!!!!!!!” anyway i’m SO excited to do them i just havent been in the right mindset yet :0 and like. i’m incapable of. like. NOT being an oversharer. everyone knows what i’m thinking, for better or worse 😔

actually? you know what? full disclosure heres my results for the aspect part of that quiz

look. look at this. i feel like it tells you plenty. (i would also love to see yours if youre willing to share but you also absolutely don’t have to khldkf uhh. re: i’m incapable of not oversharing)

have we talked about Barns Courtney before???? i dont think we have. thats ANOTHER artist i’ve seen live!!!! it was such a good fucking concert!!!!!! it was actually at the SAME venue that both Autoheart and The Crane Wives were at! it’s a super cool little place. i dont have any videos of that concert unfortunately 😔 it was before i got into my current phase. BUT UHHH I ACTUALLY HAVE A TSHIRT WITH LYRICS FROM “99” ON IT THAT I GOT AT THAT CONCERT. THATS SO WILD. also i LOVE it for blood thats SO big brained!!!!

Valley of the Dolls for voiddddd yeeeesssssssss. i love it. actually begging for the full void playlist i related SO HARD to void back in the day!! i’m digging this so fucking hard actually uhh. this is um. this is. —

ALSO STFU FOR RAGE. YES. i actually havent heard this song in a while and i like it even more than i remember. it rocks. I also hadn’t heard bloodmoney and it rules too. i want the full rage playlist too gimme gimme

ALSO YEAH HEART IS *NOT* ABOUT ROMANCE. love love love this opinion heart is ABSOLUTELY about identity. whats it like to have such good and correct opinions, anon? adore your song choices too!!!! also like, obviously i want this full playlist, its YOUR ASPECT!!

took one look at the album covers for the life songs on spotify and was like. “oh these have animations on youtube” so i listened to them there!!! AND THEY WERE SO GOOD!!!!!! i also really love this interpretation of the aspect, but i also see what you meant by mostly listening to rage songs ghskdj. like うっせぇわ by Ado reminded me so much of Aggretsuko…. she’s just like me fr

i also really like where you went with time!! also this makes me. want to make classpect theories for the spiderverse characters fjsjdjdjjdk

i’d never heard obstacles before…. i really really enjoyed this song! SAME WITH SPANISH SAHARA? I REALLY REALLY DIG THE SPACE VIBES.

i did listen to all of your recs but these are the ones i had the most thoughts about!!

BUT YEAH!!!! i still really love witch of void and i still see a lot of myself in it, but i was also a different person when i formulated that identity. i kept things closer to my heart. though, a witch of void does manipulate void, so maybe thats a classpect that could imitate a light player in a way? maybe i’ll keep it actually fjskdjdk. i do see a lot of myself in the other two though 😔 i have a dnd character who i absolutely ADORE playing that actually would definitely be a light player :0 much to think about…..

VERY FUNNY TO ME THAT WE BOTH USE THE SAME QUIZ AND DID THE SAME THING…. more things to add to the center of our venn diagram.

page of heart!! actually. i have looked at this one for myself as well. shaking your hand enthusiastically. what does this title mean to you? do you have a land made up? i’d love to hear all about it!!

yeeeesssss!!!! are there any other artists you want to see live if they come there? whats your dream list…..

AND GKSJFJSKDN I WISH. MORE THAN HALF WAY. IN MY DREAMS. i’m FAR from seeing all of these artists live fjskjddj. some of them are impossible actually, theyre not making music anymore. but thats okay! gender-wise… idk where i want to end up. i’m still not super sure what i want :0 besides top surgery. i have never doubted that top surgery is in my future. but theres approx 23 artists on it and i’ve seen 4 i think? something like that!!

and ofc!!! thank YOU for listening to MY songs! i’m enjoying the exchange a lot! especially because we obviously have a lot of overlap in our tastes.

thats super cool though!! family in germany… my grandmother lived in germany very briefly with her first husband who was stationed there. she knows exactly one phrase and its the price of whatever she bought at the store gkgjhk. i don’t know any german myself (if that wasn’t abundantly obvious fksjdjd). i dont really have a second language, but i did learn a little french in high school, and i’m working really hard to learn hungarian! do you know many languages? :0

ALSO PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS UNDERTALE ANIMATIC? give me the play-by-play. being cringe is so fun i love being cringe.

thats such cool lore about Links 2 3 4 :0 but yeah uh. idk what it is about american dudes who are into german metal but i wont lie to you its usually a red flag to me 😔 i really didnt think it was something to worry about with you though, i dont remember what it was, but you had said something that had made me think “oh well this isnt an american person i have to worry about having a weird perverse relationship with german culture” fgkdkkd.

i can totally get why you would be into it! personally speaking amerika quite literally hits too close to home for me. i’m so tired 😭 there are things i love about where i live but also….. hhhhhh……..

thank you for sharing your thoughts!! and i’m so glad you like the playlist idea! as far as the question you asked — either! both! if you send me random songs, i’ll add them to your playlist, and if you send me a specific playlist i’ll create a new one for it. so whatever you feel!!

sorry for the. very very very long response. i spent so much time with this. like literally several hours. i will respond to the oc one another time so don’t worry when you don’t see it at the same time as this one!! i’ve already read it and im excited to reply it’s just midnight here now dkgdgkhdk

i hope you have a great morning/afternoon/evening/night!!!

#can you tell i’ve gotten comfortable talking to you #music anon 🎶#i hope you enjoy novellas. as i have written one for you here

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