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whitedarkmoonflower · 5 months

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Until the death us parts

Assassin!Sihtric x Templar!reader

Authors note: This is a fic for @little-diable 15K celebration. It's the first time I dive into another universe, but unusual tasks require unusual solutions. Thank you so much @st-eve-barnes for brainstorming with me!

The rules: " (..) I'll choose one of the books listed above and will select a sentence I can find on the page belonging to the number you've chosen for your ask. You can do with the sentence/quote as you please, but it has to show up in the fic."

My sentence: “We do it wrong, being so majestical, to offer it the show of violence, for it is as the air, invulnerable, and our vain blows malicious mockery.” From Hamlet by William Shakespeare.

Warnings: mention of violence, angst, SMUT, 18+. Assassins Creed is used only as a background setting without exploring any further.

Word Count: 4,6K

Tags: @sihtricfedaraaahvicius @hb8301 @zillahvathek @alexagirlie @gemini-mama @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf

It must be late in the evening already, there is no way of telling for sure, as the small laboratory-like room with featureless walls, painted a stark white, has no windows, but you feel your stomach growling and that is a sure sign. Your eyes keep drifting to the other side of the room. The light from the flickering fluorescent lamp at the ceiling is feeble, but it is enough to make out Sihtric's features pretty clearly. He's still asleep on what looks like a surgery table, wrists and ankles strapped down.

You have failed. For the first time in your life you have failed your mission and that has brought you here in this damn cell together with the one and single reason for your failure. If someone had told you that you'd fall for your target, you'd have laughed right in their face. But here you are, still trying to wrap your head around it. It was so unexpected, this whole thing. Sihtric was different. Kind. Gentle. Warm. For the first time in your whole life, someone had cared about you without wanting anything back.

You feel anger slowly spreading within you, pulsing through your veins and making your cheeks blush. But it's not directed at him; it's aimed squarely at yourself. You should have come clean earlier, but fear of losing him held you back. For once in your life, you craved a brief taste of normality – being in love with a charming, handsome Dane, just a normal gay from next door, whose only flaws were fondness for crazy haircuts. How foolish! Deep down, you knew it couldn't last. You knew who he was far too well. You knew why the Order had set you on him. You just hoped you had a bit more time… Now it's all over anyway.

—---------------------------------------------

It's just an ordinary autumn day, kind of gray and windy, and there's this soothing sound of rain hitting your umbrella as you walk up the library stairs. You love your new job although it is not that new anymore. It served your purpose and allowed you to sneak into Sihtric’s life without raising any suspicion. He was a frequent guest there for his love of the books and you were the new and pretty librarian - what a perfect setting.

For you, books have always been more than just bound paper; they are portals to other worlds. Each time you open one, it feels like you're stepping into a world where magic is real, and heroes are fighting the good fight. These stories are your happy place, where you can dive into adventures where anything can happen, where the little guy wins, and the good always beats the bad. You've always wanted to be like those heroes in the stories. You kind of convinced yourself that you were, but lately, it's been harder to keep believing that.

You love the library's peaceful vibe, a place of calm and age-old wisdom. The dim, gentle light streaming through tall windows bathes the bookshelves in a warm glow, and the hushed murmurs of readers add to the tranquil ambiance. It's like a sanctuary free from the strictures of any creed, a testament to free will and creativity – ironically, the very things you're trained to suppress and eliminate.

Why? It’s a question that does not let go of you lately. You repeat the mantra ingrained in you during your training – to protect the innocent, to end violence – but doubts linger. Can violence really put an end to violence? It’s not that easy, you snarl at yourself. Yet, this nagging inner voice has only grown louder since Sihtric came into your life, challenging your beliefs with such force that at times it's overwhelming. Sometimes you can’t stand it anymore, you lock yourself up in the bathroom, open the shower and cry biting your fist to the blood.

You are so lost in your thoughts that you don’t even notice the figure that accidentally collides with you just as you reach the top of the stairs.

"Oops, sorry!" someone blurts out, but before you get a chance to reply, the stranger has already vanished into the throng of students at the entrance. You're left with a strange, uneasy feeling in your stomach. Instinctively, your hand reaches into your pocket and there it is – a small, folded note that makes your face turn pale as you clutch the door handle for support.

“PR275 4 A7 H3

P19, L160

2 28 5 19 14 10 20 6 13”

You don't even need to read it to know what it means, yet you find yourself dashing through the spacious corridors, coat flapping open, scarf still wound around your neck, trailing in the air. Your heart pounds in your chest, the blood roars in your ears. The sound of your shoes slapping against the polished wooden floor is stark against the library's usual quiet. You cling to hope. Until you haven’t deciphered it, there is still hope, you try to convince yourself, even though deep down, you know it's a vain hope.

"Hey, slow down! What's the matter?" comes the concerned voice of your boss from the office on the left.

You barrel past her, not stopping or even glancing back. You don’t care. You know this place so well, every corner and crevice, it propels you forward, guiding you even as your thoughts whirl in chaos. "PR" - that's English literature, located at the far end of the corridor. The code refers to the English Renaissance period, 1500-1640. You head for the first aisle on the left, bookcase 4, shelf 7, third book. It has to be there.

The warmth in the library is suffocating. Sweat beads on your forehead as you hurriedly unbutton your coat and fling it to the ground, the scarf landing atop it in a heap. You're breathing hard, a mix of exertion and sheer anxiety, as your eyes dart over the book titles, scanning spine after spine for the one that holds your fate. Finally, your shaking hands grasp the book - William Shakespeare's "Hamlet."

"Come on, hurry up," you mutter to yourself. Page nineteen, line 160.

“We do it wrong, being so majestical, to offer it the show of violence, for it is as the air, invulnerable, and our vain blows malicious mockery,” you read the line out loud without realizing it, quickly moving to the nearest table to grab a pen.

You unfold the small piece of paper and start counting: one, two, it’s “e”. One, two, three… twenty seven, twenty eight - “l”. One, two, three, four, five - “i”. Your heart pounds as if desperate to break free from your chest. But there's no need to go further; you know what it spells. Yet, you can't stop, you keep counting and writing down letter after letter. You need to be sure. Your fingers tremble as they slide over the paper: "e", "l", "i", "m", "i", "n", "a", "t", "e". ELIMINATE.

Your eyes keep returning to the paper, tracing over each letter repeatedly, while your lips silently mouth the word that signifies the end of your fairy tale. You quietly pick up your coat and scarf, your movements slow, defeated, and begin the solemn walk back to the entrance.

"I quit," you declare, your words sharp as you stride past your boss's office. You don't pause to see her reaction, her astonishment. You just walk out, pushing through the big, heavy library doors. Once outside, you lean against them, feeling their solid presence at your back.

The rain pours down relentlessly, drenching you completely. It seeps into your clothes, your skin, soaking you to the core. Your hair, cold and wet, cling to your forehead. You can’t make yourself care, you don’t even register it. You stand motionless, lost in a daze as you gaze across the small square in front of the library. People hurry past with their umbrellas, like a sea of oversized mushrooms, but you can't seem to tear your eyes away from the scene.

"Why me? Why now?" The questions hammer in your mind, unanswerable and haunting.

—----------------------------------------------

“Hey, honey! I’m home. How was your day?” Sihtric’s familiar, cheerful voice rings out from the hallway.

“Terrible,” you whisper to yourself, still staring out of the window.

"Please, don’t. Just stay back, don’t come any closer, not yet," you silently beg. You know deep down it doesn't really matter if he hangs back a bit longer; it's not going to change anything. It's just putting off the inevitable, really. But you can't help it. You're clinging to these last few normal moments, trying to stretch them out as long as possible before everything flips upside down.

Your knuckles are white, gripping the hilt of your Poseidon, and you compulsively check the silencer for what must be the twentieth time. The footsteps are getting louder now, and there are those squeaky floorboards right outside the door. As the first one creaks under his weight, you know Sihtric is just about to walk into the living room. Every creak feels like a countdown, and you're just hoping he'll take his time, maybe get distracted by something, anything. You're not ready, but then again, you wonder if you'll ever really be. The sound of those footsteps, so familiar and usually so comforting, now feels like they're marching right through your heart.

You can't help it – you just have to see him one more time. You want to soak in those eyes of his, thick-lashed and mismatched, that always seem to look at you so seriously but kindly. You're craving that warm, bright smile that lit up at the sight of you after a long day, and oh, that infectious laugh of his that gets you giggling every time, no matter what. But you know this moment's going to get swallowed up by anger and fear real soon. Slowly, you turn around to face him, your right hand tucked away behind your back. You're doing your best to smile, but it's shaky, and you can feel your nerves all over the place. It's just a moment, but to you, it feels like forever. You let your eyes roam over his face, trying to burn this image of him into your memory – that neat goatee, those full lips, his straight nose and strong cheekbones, and finally, those big, deep eyes that always seem to say so much. As your eyes lock with Sihtric's, you feel this weird shiver run down your spine.

That shiver turns into full-on tremors as Sihtric's concerned voice cuts through the silence. "Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong? You look like you've just seen a ghost. Everything okay?" His eyebrows pull together in worry, his eyes filled with concern.

In one swift motion, almost like a reflex, you pull your gun from behind your back, pointing it straight at Sihtric. "Don't move," you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips, as tears start to form in your eyes. "I'm sorry, babe."

"Baby, what the hell is this? What's happening?" Sihtric's voice is a mix of shock and disbelief, his body freezing in place. You want to pull the trigger, you really do, but your fingers just won't move. They're like they're not even yours anymore. A cry breaks from your lips, raw and pained, a sound of someone who's reached their breaking point, as you realize you can't do it. There's no way you can pull that damn trigger.

In just a heartbeat, Sihtric's right there, up in your face. His hand grips your throat, pushing you hard against the wall – his speed and strength just incredible. You can barely breathe, eyes wide with fear, hands clawing at his in a vain attempt to break that iron hold threatening to suffocate you. When he finally lets go, you drop to the floor, coughing and gasping for air, your head spinning like crazy from the lack of oxygen.

“You’re a Templar,” he spits the words out like they were poison, an accusation, a curse, his mismatched eyes burning with disgust and resentment, as he glares down at you. “You’ve been spying on me this whole time.”

"I was, at first," you manage to gasp out between coughs, tears streaming down your face. "But not anymore, Sihtric, I swear. Please, you have to believe me."

"Believe you? Why the hell should I?" His voice is bitter, a blend of disbelief and scorn.

You flinch as Sihtric's rough hand clutches your hair, yanking your head back against the wall. “What have you been telling them? Did you report on every time I fucked you?” Sihtric snarls in your face, mockery in his voice laced with an undercurrent of sadness, even pain.

"I didn't, I swear..." you start, but his hand comes down hard across your face, cutting you off and leaving you tasting blood.

"Don't lie to me!" he roars, his face inches from yours. "You were just about to shoot me. What did I ever do to you to deserve that?"

You're about to say something else, but then you both hear it - footsteps coming up the stairs, voices, though muffled, getting closer.

"Get out of here, now," you hiss at Sihtric, grabbing his arm as you try to get back on your feet. "I'll handle them. Look, you might not believe me, but I'm not your enemy. Just go!"

Sihtric's bewildered gaze flickers between you and the door, his grip loosening. He is listening to the growing noise outside. “Go,” you urge, “I'm done for anyway. There's no way out for me. But you – you can still make it.”

He hesitates, eyes darting, weighing if this is a trap, a desperate attempt to win back his trust. But the choice is taken out of his hands. The sounds outside are getting closer, more urgent. It's clear there are too many of them for even both of you to handle.

—---------------------------------------------

And now you're here, in this small, windowless room, feeling the walls close in on you, the air almost too thick to breathe. You close your eyes, but there's only silence, the room soundproof, leaving you with nothing but the sound of your own racing heartbeat.

"What are you doing here?" Sihtric’s hoarse voice jolts you, but you don't bother turning around. There's no need; it's just the two of you. It was about time he woke up.

"I'm locked up here with you," you snap, frustration boiling over. Your hands tangle in your hair, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you slide down against the wall.

"Would you mind untying me?" Sihtric's voice is oddly casual, as if this were a normal conversation over dinner.

"Why? So you can have another go at killing me?" you can’t help but smirk at yourself, as if it mattered anyway. To you, it feels like you're already dead. You can't fathom why they left you alive, locked up here with him. You are useless to the order now and useless things are disposed of. Perhaps this is your punishment – to face death at the hands of the only man you ever loved. Anger surges through you, propelling you to his side in three quick steps. Furiously, you tug at the leather straps binding his wrists and ankles.

As soon as the straps loosen enough for Sihtric to free his hands, his iron grip clamps around your throat, pinning you against the wall. You don't resist. What's left to lose?

His eyes burn with hate, scorn, disgust. Gone is the mischievous, sweet, caring look you fell for. That charming, adoring gaze is lost forever.

"I'm dead either way, and I'd rather it be by your hand than theirs" you manage to gasp out.

It's a bitter truth. If this was meant to be your punishment for failing your mission, then they've miserably failed. This is your twisted form of revenge, a testament to your self-determination – the power to choose your own end. A smile tugs at your lips at the irony. The powerful order, dedicated to dominating human free will, has failed to subjugate someone as seemingly insignificant as you. Fear doesn't grip you; there will be no begging. You've made your choice, and as you're pinned against the wall, Sihtric's fingers digging painfully into your skin, marking your throat, you can’t hold back a satisfied smile forming on your lips.

"If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead already." Sihtric growls, his face twisted with anger. There's a certainty in his tone that sends a chill through you.

"So what's stopping you? Just do it already!" you shoot back at him, provoking deliberately.

"You betrayed me, played me, you're just a whore, selling yourself," Sihtric's voice is hoarse and raspy, his breathing growing heavier with each venomous word.

"Really? I think we're pretty much the same, you know. When were you planning on telling me the real you, Assassin?" you snap back, your voice just as sharp.

You sense a subtle shift in Sihtric's behavior. His eyes intensely scan your face, almost as if trying to see through you, his face mere centimeters from yours. You can feel each of his breaths against your skin, hot and rapid. A whimper escapes you under the mounting pressure, tears brimming in your eyes, yet your gaze remains steadfastly locked with Sihtric's. Your breath is cut off, his grip tightening, and your eyes begin to roll back as darkness edges in.

Then you hear it, rough and low, right by your ear. "I hate you," he growls, "I fucking hate you!" Sihtric breathes heavily against your ear, as his hands leave your throat and slide down, finding the bottom edge of your T-shirt and gliding beneath it.

His touch is warm, firm and bruising as his hands start roaming your bare skin, pushing up your bra and squeezing your breasts roughly, angrilly. Sihtric leans closer, his nose in the hook of your neck as he inhales you sharply, almost desperately, a low growl rumbling in his throat. His lips and teeth are on your neck, grazing, biting, leaving marks on their way down to your shoulder, there is nothing gentle in the way he treats you, anger pulsing through his veins, but you are unable to contain the hungry moan, escaping your lips parted in a smugly grin.

The way Sihtric has you trapped against the wall with his body lets you feel the hard bulge in his crotch, pressing against your thigh. Your head's all foggy, you are dizzy from not getting enough air, and from your thirst for more as you feel each bruising touch burning right through your skin, straight to your soul, reminding you hard that you're both here, both alive. Everything else just fades away. Right now, in this moment, it's just you and him, and the familiar heat pooling in your lower back and your walls clenching and pulsing are the only things your dazed mind can focus on. He can do whatever he wishes with you, you will not struggle, you will not protest, you are yielding, you deserve it, you accept it and crave for it, for one last time.

And in the next moment you are pulled away from the wall and bent over that metallic table, a loud whine escaping you from the force you crush against it, Sihtric’s hands pull down your jeans in one quick motion, leaving them half way at your knees. His one hand is on the back of your neck, pushing you firmly down against the table, holding you in place while the other pulls aside your already soaked panties, pushing his fingers inside you.

“Fuck, already dripping, like the filthy whore that you are. Do you like it? Huh? I will fuck that dirty smile out of you until you’ll not remember even your name anymore.”

Your mind is too hazed, too immersed in the burning sensation in your core, to be able to formulate any words, as you arch your back, consumed by your hunger, your need to feel him inside you, to take everything he can give you, all of his anger, all of his hate and all of his love and desire, if it’s still there somewhere behind that maddening dark shimmer in his eyes.

You hear him undoing his breeches, freeing his cock and giving himself a few strokes, his breath ragged and itchy. You shiver in anticipation as he places his leaking tip at your entrance and pushes inside your wet and throbbing cunt, sheathing himself with a low growl until the very end of his shaft. You cry out at the sudden stretch, not out of pain, it’s the overwhelming pleasure of feeling Sihtric filling you perfectly that makes you grab the edge of the table and push back against him as he starts thrusting into you, slapping his hips against your bottom with a relentless, breathtaking pace.

“Is that all you've got?” you hiss, hearing a curse leaving Sihtric’s lips, his heavy and rapid breathing mingling with wild groans, as he ruts against you like a crazed beast driven by his anger.

“Give me more, Sihtric. I need more of you,” you cry out, your breath panting, your knuckles turning white from the force you are clutching the edge of the table, trying to spread your thighs, to open yourself to take in more of him. You want him, you need him, harder, deeper, you want to feel all of him, bringing you to the limit, splitting you open, possessing you, making you feel the life pulsing through your every vain.

“Fuck,” Sihtric groans, his hands on your hips now, his fingers digging deep into your skin, as he fastens his pace, snapping his hips against you, savagely, brutally, “It’s what you want, huh? Believe me, you’ll not be able to walk when I’m done with you.”

Sihtric’s hands land on your cheeks, parting them, as he watches your pussy swallowing his cock again and again, your arousal dripping down your thighs. The slaps of Sihtric’s hips against you, his rapid breaths and your moans of pleasure echo around the room. Your eyes start rolling back into your head as you feel your climax pooling; each time he pushes forward, his length reaches that spot inside you that makes your back arch and your thighs tremble, feeling the tension building up and bringing you ever closer to the edge.

Sihtric’s fingers tangle in your hair as he pulls you roughly up against his chest, his teeth on your neck, bruising more marks into it, the other hand sliding down to your clit, rubbing and circling it. He is angry, he is hurt and he fucking hates how much he loves and craves you; with each thrust, each snap of his hips, Sihtric feels his anger dissipating. You are his doom, his damnation, his sweet madness and there is no escape, no cure from it. He just wants to fuck you into oblivion, to make you cum on his cock, screaming his name one last time, as there might be no tomorrow, no other day for it.

“You’re mine and you’ll always be mine; nothing else matters,“ Sihtric’s breath comes out in harsh and ragged hot pants against your ear as he turns your head to kiss you harshly. A desperate sob escapes your lips as you answer his kiss, his words echoing in your ears and tears welling up in the corners of your eyes.

“Sihtric…,” you whine in disappointment as he suddenly pulls out, but he flips you around, lifting onto the table with one swift move as if you were weightless, yanks off your jeans and panties and sinks back into you, both of you moaning heavily as he resumes thrusting into you with an insatiable frenzy.

“Damn, how I love those sounds you make,” Sihtric hisses in your ear, “Give me more of them. I bet they all are watching us right now, straining against their breeches. Let them hear you. I want you to let them hear you,” he demands and the dirty sounds that depart your lips, something between moaning and whining, are probably the most lewd ones you have ever made.

Your fingers slide up his arm until you reach his shoulders and you pull yourself closer to him, pressing your parted lips against his. You bite his lower lip, hard, but he doesn’t pull away, his lips crash against yours, kissing you with such desperation that you find yourself struggling to breathe.

“Say it… say that you are mine,” Sihtric growls into your mouth.

You look into his expressive, mismatched eyes, rolling back into his head from pleasure that you are giving him. You love the sharp features of his face, married with scars on his forehead and right cheek, you are his and he is yours, now and forever and it doesn’t matter how long this forever will last as you are sure to find him and claim him again and again in all the possible afterlives.

“Yours, only yours and nothing can ever change that…we are bound, forever, until the death us parts,” you whisper in between your heavy breaths with half lid eyes.

“Look at me. I want you to look at me,” Sihtric hisses, wrapping his fingers around your neck and squeezing slightly, his breath panting as he locks his gaze with you, and you do as he asks.

“Fuck, I could never hate you,” Sihtric breathes, his forehead touching yours, as he keeps thrusting into you, “Do you hear me? Never! I love you too much.”

You can only whimper incomprehensibly as his words make your walls start clenching around him. You try to hold back, to prolong the moment; from his rapid, shallow breaths, his thrusts getting sloppy, you feel that he is close too and you want to take him with you into oblivion.

“I can feel you, don’t fight it,” Sihtric’s firm voice reaches you through your dazzled consciousness, “Let it go, cum for me,” and you can do nothing but to obey as his words push you over the edge, your fingers tangle in his hair and you feel your climax rolling, washing over you in waves of pure bliss as you fall deeper and deeper into oblivion, his name on your lips like a prayer. You come undone, your cries of ecstasy filling the room, your nails digging into Sihtric’s shoulders. Sihtric’s pace doesn’t falter as he keeps fucking you through your orgasm, thrusting his cock as deep as he can, your thighs trembling around his waist; you are spent and pliable, whimpering mess, spasming around his cock and a moment later his own moans and groans start bouncing off the walls as Sihtric follows you spilling himself deep inside you, your eyes locked and foreheads pressed against each others.

"I love you. I love so much,” you murmur, cupping his face in your palms as he breathes heavily against your skin. Tears trail down your cheeks, and your lips tremble just above his.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it," you whisper, barely getting the words out through your sobs.

"Shh, I know. It's okay, everything's going to be alright," Sihtric draws you closer into his embrace, pressing gentle kisses across your face. You know he is lying, but it doesn’t really matter. Right now, it’s enough. You just lean into him, letting his steady rocking soothe you.

"You know they'll use me against you," you murmur after a while, “You should have killed me.”

The room goes quiet except for your heavy breathing and the comforting sound of Sihtric's lips in your hair. "Let them try," he finally says, his voice low but determined, holding you close.

#little-diable15k #sihtric #sihtric kjartansson #sihtric x reader #sihtric x you #sihtric smut #modern!sihtric x you #the last kingdom #tlk #modern!sihtric x reader

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pagodazz · 3 months

Note

Ethan you should do Patrick anderson headcanons

THANK YOU MOON I LOVE YOU.

Here we go.

PATRICK ANDERSEN HCS.

he's sososososo special to me and he's so . real and relatable I love him.

DIVERSITY WIN!!! the entity connected to your brother is GAY!!!

Just had to get that one out of the way, and now I can continue.

To me Patrick is someone who is so so UNBELIEVABLY convinced he's a being made for only hate and evil, when in reality he's capable of something more.

I find him to be one of the most interesting slenderverse characters, I mean, he genuinely goes from being feral to remembering every life he's lived and he's just so defeated. he's so alone. He's not human but he's not an absolute monster y'know? and I think being so attached to Michael definitely taught him love.

Patrick is a being full of so much sorrow, he keeps a smile on his face while he knows he'll never get that happy ending he dreams of.

He's SO human for something that is NOT human at all. and HABIT was right for saying that.

-----------------

THIS MAN HAS DISCO FEVER. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

he THRIVED in the 70s, that's when he was his best. And I firmly believe that's when he realized that humanity could actually be worth something.

Patrick is FULL of funk. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but it does to me. He's genuinely the type of guy to have a victim tied up and he's just dancing to disco music right in front them with the weapon of his choosing and they have no choice but to sit and watch this wannabe theater kid go crazy.

He's so obnoxious but I think it's absolutely amazing. I bet he absolutely KILLED IT in the clubs back in the day.

-----------------

Despite popular belief, Patrick genuinely loves Shaun. Shaun is Patricks everything next to Michael. I think that if he wasn't so afraid of rushing Shaun's death, they would've been alot closer.

They're not siblings in every iteration, but I like to think most of the time they are. I like to think that there was a time that Patrick got to actually love Shaun, but he realized that no matter what he does, he's just going to lose them anyways, so what even is the point?

Although, I genuinely don't think he expected HABIT to cut Shaun up, that REALLY fucking killed Patrick.

Vinnie and HABIT really fucked with the timeline and i mean, that's what Patrick wanted. That's WHY he warned Vinnie back in the 80s.

So I think he blames himself entirely for the loss of both stormy and Shaun. And I mean he's not exactly wrong which is the worst part for him. it quite literally is his fault this keeps happening.

Hes a sick selfish parasite who does nothing but spread diseases to those he cares about.

------------------

Patrick can play many instruments I know that for sure, and I think he can sing.

He's always had just the heart of a performer in him. Like if he had his choice, or his freedom, he would take the first opportunity to climb onto a stage and show off his talents as if to say; "LOOK AT ME!!! IM WORTH SOMETHING!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE!!"

Because I think no matter what Patrick is always going to remain hungry for attention, and to be loved by many. He wants his chance in the spotlight, he wants his time to shine, and he's gonna do anything he can to get that moment. he KNOWS there's no escaping and no stopping what goes on, but he might as well make himself WORTH something.

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I believe that Patrick has known a previous iteration of the emh guys, (this IS canon, but I think they were friends, and VERY close) But I think that Patrick and Vinnie were the closest.

there's just something about the way he talks to Vinnie in the Princeton tapes, it's as if he's known him his whole life. like he knows exactly what makes Vinnie tick and how he acts and how he'd answer him.

And sure you could say that it was the collective giving that kind of information out, but I would have to DISAGREE!!!!!!!!

Patrick feels solidarity with Vinnies situation and I really like the way they contrast each other.

Vinnie is just a guy who's more like a monster and Patrick is a monster who is more like a guy.

I like them. alot.

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I HAVE SO MANY MORE SO PLEASE DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK ME FOR HCS. I LOVE GETTING THEM AND ANSWERING THEM

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stem-sister-scuffle · 3 months

Text

STEM SISTER SCUFFLE: ROUND 1 MASHUP 8

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy (DC/Batman) vs Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum (Adventure Time)

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy is a Botanist!

Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum is a Bioenginner, Chemist and Roboticist!

Why you should vote for each contestant:

Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy:

"She wants to destroy humanity to save the planet and she looks good doing it."

"SHENSHDMD8SJS She's so strong and pretty and cool. Whadda woman..."

"stem icon. uses her knowledge to be fucked up and evil with a possible interest in plants. more #MadScience rep"

"Sometimes ya gotta go a little ecoterrorist to get your point across and that scares people. However she did it and continues to do it despite persecution from the DC heroes. as a legal disclaimer the statement about ecoterrorism above is a Joke"

"Takes no shit canonically sapphic ecoterrorist emotionally repressed queen what more could you want."

"Gay"

Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum:

"She’s a freak about it! she is committing horrors in there but just lowkey, and she’s having fun doing it which is what matters"

"She cares about her people to an absolute fault and all her evil science is for them (when it’s not simply for sciences sake) and that’s why she’s a girlboss <3"

"She’s unethical. She’s a mother. She’s a monster. She lives in a world of magic but only believes in science. She was even a lesbian. PB for the win!"

"she is a pink lesbian!! she has committed war crimes!! she is much more complex than the audience's (and the main character's) initial impression of her!! she created an entire kingdom that she rules and when she gets voted out she loses her sense of identity!! and loves her subjects and also spies on them!! she is trying not to be so mean!! she is passionate about her science work and she loves her girlfriend!!! SHE IS SO GREAT. her gf Marcy is actually my favorite but bonnibel's relationship with family and home is super compelling, everything from her abusive/controlling uncle who tried to force her into a het relationship to her (metaphorically) intellectually disabled younger brother who she loves so much because people get built different! we don't need to know why we just need to respect them! thank you. I love her"

"Organizes conferences for people to present their scientific findings, created life forms when she was lonely, has committed so many war crimes (including intergalatically) using tech she invented, lost an election because she assumed people would care more about facts than charisma (they did not), is gay. Spent a thousand years pining for her rockstar vampire ex-girlfriend. 💕💞💕"

"She has a RAT named SCIENCE. One time in the comics she also did a flip and kicked a door down while saying ""physics I swear to gob if you don't work now I swear physics I SWEAR"" she was literally threatening physics. Anyways physics worked good for her! She has built an entire kingdom from the ground up INCLUDING its life forms. She HATES wizards with a passion. Magic to her is just science with silly presentation. It's implied she's been to wizard prison a lot of times before. HOWEVER she also has a vampire half-demon girlfriend so yeah. Oh yeah she's gay too. "I have a disease that makes me like vampires and titties its called being a fucking genius""

"She is the best woman in STEM because she LITERALLY created and genetically engineered the people of her kingdom, built incredible robot guardians to fight off intruders, and continues to experiment (including an experiment gone wrong where she was trying to resurrect dead citizens) in spite of being a busy princess (and lowkey dictator) ruling her kingdom solo. She created/built her own family (aside from her brother), and eliminated them when they tried to rule over her and stop her from being an independent scientist. She is multitalented, hardworking, and just unethical enough to keep things fun and entertaining! She has no ethics board, so the experiments get wild! She is so Blorbo, you know? Also people don't acknowledge her science stuff enough, I want her to get more recognition as the insane, wonderful mad scientist she is."

"She’s an unethical mad scientist who experiments on her subjects. What’s not to love"

"Invents gadgets/devices and even created her own citizens"

"For the realness of working in the lab endlessly without sleep (Ignore that she set up a police state I guess)"

"Literally built an entire kingdom citizen by citizen"

"She bioengineered an entire country . Kinda fucked up, but that's okay"

#stem sister scuffle #round 1 #poison ivy #pamela isley #dc #dc comics #dc universe #dcu #batman comics #gotham city sirens #princess bubblegum #princess bonnibel #princess bonnibel bubblegum #bonnibel bubblegum #adventure time

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oh-surprise-its-me · 8 months

Note

Roy/Jamie fic idea: Instead of hate, what if when Jamie first comes to Richmond it is love at first sight between him and Roy. Like Jamie's always loved Roy since he was a kid and is starstruck at finally meeting his fav while Roy has to battle to keep up his gruff and grouchiness when all he wants to do is gawk at the gorgeous new striker who walked through the door and immediately looked at him like he's hung the fucking moon. How differently would things have played out if Roy took Jamie under his wing, Jamie stopped being so much of a prick because he wanted to be a good teammate and please Roy too, and then when Ted Lasso himself arrives, Jaime and the boys soak up his positive ethos quicker and start winning?

AWWW I LOVE THIS

(Also are you a mind reader I was literally thinking about this last night)

Roy knows he needs to stop looking at Jamie.

He hasn’t had a problem with keeping his eyes to himself for years. Why is this kid any different. But the way Jamie is practically bouncing in place with energy, his eyes, his ass. Roy normally hates when new players say they loved watching him growing up but Jamie? Jamie saying it made Roy feel special.

They are the only two in the locker room at the end of the day, Roy has been debating this for the last 15 minutes but fuck it. He taps Jamie’s shoulder, “wanna come over and eat? I’ll cook. Give you some advice.”

Jamie blinks at him for a second like he can’t believe Roy is real. “Uh yeah sure mate that would be incredible.”

Roy nods. He takes Jamie’s phone from his hand, he typed in his house number into Jamie’s map app. “Come over whenever, I’m going straight there.”

Jamie nods. “Yeah fab I’ll be there.”

—————

It’s been about six weeks of the them getting to know Lasso, Roy’s gotta say he’s impressed. Jamie works like magic under him, even dropped a bit of the prick attitude.

They still have dinner together almost every night. Roy every once and a while asks if Jamie has been on any dates. He selfishly hopes he hasn’t because that means he’ll be Roy��s more nights.

Jamie doesn’t really seem to date. Roy figures he’ll drop the fact he’s bisexual tonight just to see how Jamie reacts.

•

Jamie is sitting on Roy Kent’s kitchen counter. Fuck if 17 year old Jamie could see him now he’d be crying.

Okay lie.

He’d be asking to blow Roy under the dining room table they eat at some nights. But that doesn’t matter because Roy is straight and Jamie just needs to adjust his love for Roy to a more platonic intentions.

He’s swinging his legs when Roy drops the biggest bomb of all times. He’d asked Jamie if he’d dated recently. No. The answer is always no. Why date when he could be here with Roy. He returns the question to be kind, but prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that the answer is no.

“No no dates since a failed date with a guy two months ago.”

Jamie slams his foot into the cabinet. Shit.

“You’re gay??” Roy freezes. He spins and looks at Jamie, “no bisexual. Problem?”

Jamie can’t shake his head fast enough, “no god no I mean same, me too, I’m. Uh. Bi. First time I’ve actually said that out loud. To someone it actually could effect.”

Oh goddamn it Jamie you really fucked it. Your goddamn big mouth wouldn’t shut up.

Roy clicks off the stove, he sets down the whisk with such care that the whirl of emotions Jamie sees when he turns is shocking.

Roy steps over in between Jamie’s legs, shit.

He slowly places his hands on Jamie’s thighs, “tell me if I’m wrong but I think we both want to kiss each other.”

Jamie frantically nods, he reaches and holds Roy’s face.

They kiss.

Once Jamie needs to breathe again he pulls away, shit. He loves Roy. “Shit I might love you.”

Jamie goes bright red. Cool great fabulous this was nice. Time for him to go die of embarrassment.

“Think I might love you too Jamie.”

Scratch the dying he’s about to become a fucking God. “Seriously?” Roy kisses Jamie’s collarbone, “yeah. Guess love at first sight does happen.”

“Shit Roy you are literally never getting rid of me now.” Roy laughs, he leans in and kisses Jamie again. “Wouldn’t want to get rid of you anyways.”

(They move in together in two months) ((and are extremely but healthfully co dependent))

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #jamie x roy #royjamie #fluff #jamie tartt x roy kent #roy kent x jamie tartt #thanks for the ask !!#this was super cute I loved it #hope you like !!

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i-am-so-normal-about-radiostatic · 8 days

Text

Some Radiostatic incorrect quotes

Vox: I was arrested for being too cool. Alastor: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Alastor: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Vox: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Alastor: No! Four to five seconds! Vox: Too late!!!

Vox: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming Alastor: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Vox: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Alastor: You mean literally or figuratively? Vox: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Vox: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why. Alastor: Only if you also don't ask why Alastor: Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls Take your pick. Vox: Alastor: Vox: This one is fine

Vox: What is your biggest weakness? Alastor: I can be uncooperative. Vox: Okay, can you give me an example? Alastor: No.

Vox: So what do you do? Alastor: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers. Vox: Wow, impressive. Alastor: Then I'll move on to Leos.

Alastor: Vox... Vox: Oh no, 'Vox' in b-flat. Vox: You're disappointed.

Alastor: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Vox: Vox: Alastor, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Alastor: Sips coffee from bowl

Vox: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something. Alastor: Vox, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Vox: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor. Alastor: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Vox: A theif. Alastor: Thief? Vox: Theif. Alastor: I before E, except after C. Vox: Thceif. Alastor: No.

Vox: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you. Alastor: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule. Vox: Absolutely not.

(This is their relationship fr ^^^)

Alastor, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today! Vox: walks in covered with ink, shark fin and tail out Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

Vox, tending to Alastor's wounds: How would you rate your pain? Alastor: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Vox: How many kids do you have? Alastor: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

(He's the dad friend. He's adopted Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty so far)

Vox: Must be hard not being able to laugh Alastor: I do have a sense of humor you know Vox: I’ve never heard you laugh before Alastor: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Alastor: So what’s for dinner? Vox, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Vox: Alastor was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some. Alastor: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it. Vox: Alastor, you ate the employee.

Vox: Three words. Say them and I'm yours. Alastor: Three words. Vox:

Vox: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done? Alastor: sighs Alastor: I killed a man.

Alastor: I’m never donating blood ever again. Alastor: The second you walk through the door, it’s just one invasive question after another! Alastor: ‘Where did you get it?’ 'Why is it in a bucket?’ I mean, do you want it or not?

Vox: Goodnight to the love of my life, Alastor, and fuck the rest of y'all.

Alastor: Our relationship is strictly professional. Vox, sitting on Alastor’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business.

Vox: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

Vox: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything? Alastor: I had a lizard that I burnt.

Vox, dramatically: They called me a fool. Alastor, sick of Vox's shit: They weren’t wrong.

Alastor: Two brooooos! Vox: Chillin' in a hot tub! Alastor: Five feet apart 'cause we're not gay! Vox: Alastor: Vox: tearing up Alastor: Babe, c'mon… Vox: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING. Alastor: Babe…

Alastor: You look mentally ill. Vox: I am. Let’s go.

Alastor: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Vox: Oh. We're going out? Alastor: Wh…

Vox: Cause you're pretty and you're smart, and you're ignoring me so you're obviously my type. Alastor, who was distracted: I'm sorry- what were you saying? Vox: Perfect.

Alastor: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Vox: It was autocorrect. Alastor: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Vox: Yes.

Vox: I want to kiss you. Alastor, not paying attention: What? Vox: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

Vox: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing. Alastor: Are you a software update? because not right now.

Vox: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine. Alastor: Marry me.

Vox: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Alastor: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Vox: I said within reason, Alastor. How about I murder that guy? Alastor: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Vox: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Alastor: Are you trying to seduce me? Vox: Why, are you seducible?

Vox: Alastor is playing hard to get. Vox: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Alastor: Vox and I are no longer dating. Vox: Alastor, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Alastor: Hey, about that love letter you sent me- Vox: blushes What are your thoughts? Alastor: The fourth sentence- Vox: Yeah, that’s where I got really emotional and I- Alastor: It’s “you’re” not “your”.

Vox: Two bros! Vox: Chillin' in a hot tub! Vox: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

Vox: We have a problem. Alastor: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Vox: You have to apologize to them Alastor. Alastor: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

Vox: Do you want to know your gay name? Alastor: My… my gay name? Vox: Yeah, it's your first name- Alastor: Haha. Very funny Vox- Vox: gets down on one knee And my last name. Alastor: Oh- oh my god.

Vox: Stop doing that. Alastor: Stop doing what? Vox: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

Vox: My hands are cold. Alastor: Here, let me hold them. Vox: My lips are cold too. Alastor: covers Vox's mouth with their hand

Vox: I think I'm falling for you. Alastor: Then get up.

Vox: I’m in love with you. Alastor: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork. Vox: I know. Alastor: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Vox: You got a date yet Alastor? Alastor: No… Vox: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Vox and Alastor are in Paris. Vox: I'm…moved. I…I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel…destiny? Alastor: But… Vox: I don't know what it is. I feel like… I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and… Alastor: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception? Vox: Yeah. Alastor: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe. Vox: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION. Alastor: Okay, alright.

Vox: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart. Alastor: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Vox, talking about Alastor: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

Alastor: Is something burning? Vox, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Alastor: Vox, the toaster is literally on fire.

Alastor: Okay, but if you're not gay then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend? Vox: Dude- Its satire! Alastor: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS!

Vox: Alastor is playing hard to get. Vox: Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Vox: We’re getting married, bitches! Alastor: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

#incorrect quotes #hazbin vox #hazbin alastor #radiostatic #hazbin hotel

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pass1onepr1ncess · 4 months

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NSFW Topic Warning

Stark contrast from the posts I usually make, but this one's gonna have NSFW topics because I'm pissed off about things so be warned.

It's really been getting under my skin lately that non-fetishized lesbian porn made for and by other lesbians is SO hard to find. Another alter in the system, his name is Milo, is a stricly gay trans man and it's SO EASY for him to find content when he wants it. Even gay porn of trans men! But the second I go looking for lesbian porn, all I can find is straight women being sexy at a camera for straight men to fetishize. And I can tell because there is such a wide difference between the framing and videography and tones of fetishistic "#lesbian" content and actual sapphic content and the former just makes me feel so gross. I don't want to be fetishized, I just want to be horny!

I refuse to use PH partly because of the fetishization but mostly because of the mass exploitation and abuse that happens on there that goes completely unreported and unpunished not just of adult sex workers but also of children and teens that shouldn't be on camera in the first place. I normally use Twitter, but that's where my problem lies in trying to find decent content! I managed to find a singular good account, but not only is all of their content just the same maybe 7-10 videos reposted every month so there's NOTHING new, but they also repost straight content and while that's not, like, a bad thing I just want to be a lesbian in peace!! Without straight people!!

I vented these frustrations with a friend recently and he recommended a BDSM site but the thing is I'm not really into BDSM. I'm not looking for kinky stuff like that- not that anything's wrong with it. BDSM is genuinely one of the healthiest lifestyles I know of when done correctly- I literally just want vanilla lesbian porn made by lesbians for other lesbians! And for some reason, that's so much to fucking ask for!

I think the part of all this that really ticks me off is that content of gay men is so accessible. I can't even count the amount of accounts on twitter who are all gay men (cis AND trans men) making exclusively gay content for other gay men, but the fact that I can't even find ONE good account for lesbian content? It pisses me off!

In all the strides we've made in being a more accepting society of LGBTQ+, why the fuck is it so hard to find stuff like this? Why do the queer men get to have a good time, but I'm struggling to find ONE good source of exclusively sapphic content? Not to say that queer men have it easy, we're all struggling in the same boat don't get me wrong. But it just sucks that the sapphic side of the boat still has a good amount more water in it than the boys' side.

All of this in addition with the stereotypes? The whole thing of people expecting sapphic relationships to be a masculine, woodworking, flannel wearing butch and a dainty, nails and makeup, princess-like femme when there is SO much more than that! Butch4Butch lesbians I love you so much, Femme4Femme lesbians you are doing SO great sweetie. Lesbians who don't really fall into either category, you are incredible! Nonbinary lesbians, you're amazing and keep up the good work! Transbians, you are the bravest fucking people on the planet and I hope you get to fight God one day because you WILL win and you deserve that W.

Not to mention the weird purity culture involved with other queer people trying to palette us for straight people? Saying that lesbians as a whole are soft and nice and pretty? Girl, we're not all coquette and Lana Del Rey. Some of us are, sure, but there is literally no way to try and market lesbians to heteronormative society in a little bow because we don't all fit in one box! And yes, lesbians have sex! It's not all soft romance and cuddling and holding hands on cafe dates. Just like literally every and any other kind of couple, while there's still romance and cutesy moments we still get horny and worked up like literally any other person on earth (Other than asexuals. Not all of you, of course. Shout out to asexuals who still have sex, I see you and you are loved). And what happens when we do? We fuck! We have hot lesbian sex and it's great!

Also, might I add that it's really misogynistic to try and label lesbians as this group of pure, innocent, soft and fluffy group of women who couldn't possibly have a sex drive! Or on the other hand, saying that all lesbians are horndogs who can't keep themselves off each other- because I've seen that one, too! I hate being labeled like this, why is it SO HARD for people to just accept that lesbians are literally just people. We're just like everyone else- the ONLY thing different is that we don't wanna be romantically or sexually involved with men. That is IT!!!!!

And in terms of the lack of good sapphic content, it also goes beyong porn! Literally every sapphic show I've seen released in the past few years has been cancelled after ONE season and then a lot of it just gets deleted entirely so that one season isn't even available anymore!! But the you have Heartstoppers and Love, Simon and I just! I'm happy that we as a community have fought hard enough to have these things. I'm not trying to drive a wedge between the achillean and sapphic communities. I just wish us sapphics got the same treatment as the men do.

I love being a lesbian, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I am exhausted from being overlooked. From being glanced over and shoved into a box that I nor anyone else in that box fits into. I want to be a lesbian in peace.

#lesbian #sapphic #wlw #women loving women #rant post #Im angry and Im a lesbian and Im fucking fed up #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer #queer community

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kryptonian-bat-thing · 4 months

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okay this is it imma bout to rant about fiction once again

tell me why everyone knows and loves or at least has a strong opinion about the Lego Batman Movie, but i might just be the only human being who grew up IN LOVE with the Lego Batman Videogame(s)???

[THIS THING CONTAINS SPOILERS, I TRIED TO KEEP EM OUT BUT WHATS THE FUN IN THAT]

the first one is CLASSIC, no voice actors so child me could (and also couldn't cuz i was stupid) understand what was going on since I didn't speak english at all, and i remember LOVING the designs (they're not as good as i remember 😭) even tho i had no idea who the characters besides batman, robin and catwoman were. also that was when i fell in love with poison ivy cuz she had like ??? love powers (as i said, child me was a dumdum) cuz there was this one level where she controlled batman with a kiss akjdkakfkakdja

i remember i had a crush on justin bieber a little before the second game came out (it was babybabybabyohh) and then BOOM suddenly my childhood crush was a friggin blocky plastic minifigure wearing goth furry clothes:

(also, young me wouldn't know, but this is where i got most of the superbat vibes from-- when i saw this ship years later i was like "oh yeah, i remember in the videogame clark was head over heels for B and bruce was like 'i am the knight' which is batman code for ilyt", plus dick (who's dressed at tim for whatever reason) is like "oh yeah, why don't we call superman?" I'm telling ya he ships it

...i remember the whole game story like it's a fever dream i had-- there's an award show which bruce wins, joker jokers it up and batman & robin chase him, then i remember robin says something about how "dick grayson couldn't attend the party because they didn't take teenagers" (I didn't know who dick was so this was my introduction to him) and then fire in the elevator, SUPERMAN, [SPOILERS] he and bats visit lexcorp but turns out the other gay couple aka lex and joker did some lexing and jokering around and got a weapon that kills... black???? so batman would die-- but like-- he's not black, he's wearing black clothes-- oh shit, are they racist-- /j

now comes the final one:

wow this one is in space! kinda-- brainiac shows up and i remember this was the first time i saw j'onn and-- wait-- this robin is the same but-- in the scene where [SPOILER] batman is being mind controlled he says his name is.. tim drake?? who tf is tim drake, kid me would say. wow, there's more than one robin, kid me would say.

but then again, I didn't have this game cuz my dad was sick of spending our lunch money on videogames, so he got a gameplay online (just the cutscenes), glued them together and told me IT WAS A MOVIE (actually, i just assumed it) and i kept believing that until i saw my friend GAMEPLAYING said movie on his VIDEOGAME, one more evidence to "i was a dumb child.

and there was superbat shit in this one as well!! there's this scene where [SPOILERS] big blue babyboy is being mind controlled and is giant (tbh idek why he's giant and I'm not sure if they address why-- something to do with brainiac's shrinking kink i think) and brainiac is like "kill him" and bruce goes like "clark, ur my bestie, I don't say it often but i realized i gotta say it more cuz earlier tim almost got his ass eaten by a random alien and i felt fear" and clark is like "🥺🥺🥺" and mind control breaks with yay power of friendship (the whole plot is how in the beginning tim saying he was tim got bruce out of mind control which meant bruce cares about tim but bruce thinks it was cuz the batmobile went shock on him, so in the end he admits he was wrong and everyone hugs wow)

and after that i forgot dc was a thing until like four years later when dc superhero girls came out

anyway, thanks tumblr for listening to this lmao i just dumped my whole childhood in here, I'm glad this thing don't have character limit

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kennyomegasweave · 3 months

Text

my live thoughts during the finale of The Sign

Obviously, spoilers will be under here.

I had complaints about this show, but I still enjoyed myself overall and I LOVED this finale. It was a really good and entertaining finale.

My boy is def getting shot cause he just basically proposed to his man and said he's gonna do it for real once this mission is done. 😭😭😭

Old woman yaoi! I am very sad for these women but you know old woman yaoi! Phaya’s grandma be making moves. Get it mama!

Man. I don't wanna see Chart get tortured. Kaownah is my fave and it's his birthday today and everything.

Yai would hear Tharn stuck in some ravine in the jungle. I love siblings, chosen or otherwise, so much.

Was Tharn reinstated? Cause he's like “I'm gonna arrest Montree” but he’s suspended? Can he even do that? He might have been reinstated in the last episode, but I can't remember. Oops. lol

YES AT THEM ROLLING UP ON A JEEP RUNNING BITCHES OVER. THE SQUAD’S HERE FUCKERS. STRIKE TEAM: GAY (AND YAI)

Khem is about to get shot. It's dark and he and Thongthai are outside and I saw the preview and I literally have a pit in my stomach. Because I know what's gonna happen and no. NO.

NO CHART NO.

KHEM BABY NO. HE GOT SHOT SAVING HIS MAN AND FELL WITH THE NECKLACE WITH THEIR RING CAUSE THEY WERE GONNA GET MARRIED IT’S BEEN YEARS And this is also why like they probably shouldn't have had Khem and Thongthai on the same team because Khem whole ass threw himself in front of his man and then Thongthai was basically useless cause it's not like he was gonna be able to do a motherfucking thing once his man was fucking shot.

CHART NO AGAIN HOW MANY TIMES IS THIS MAN GONNA GET SHOT

I don't even care about the supernatural shit and the rest of this after Khem got shot right in Thongthai’s arms. We can shut this whole damn episode down.

Oh okay. No Chart and Khem aren't dead. We have a throwaway line that Khem (and Chart) are “safe” and thus not dead. Okay. We can continue this episode. I'm good. Khem’s at the hospital and, even if I never see him for the rest of this episode, I can rest knowing he will be getting dicked down by Thongthai in “we’re alive and getting married” marathon sex once he recovers. My boys WILL be married in the special episode y'all keep mentioning is happening. I know this.

Okay, like, Montree is evil, don't get me wrong. But he kept being like “why won't you just leave me alone” in the warehouse like he's not a drug dealing murderer and then he refuses to confess and is unfazed by a whole damn Naga showing up and capturing him. And it’s a mood how much he doesn't give a fuck. Man said he don't care about anything. lol

Aww Yai and Sand. Yai and his hot ass wife. He couldn't resist telling her she was beautiful. Man loves his brother and his hot ass wife. I love him.

I'm fairly confident we won't see anyone else from the cop side the rest of the episode, maybe Yai cause he's Tharn's brother, but that's it. But you know what. My fucking boy is alive and so is his man and they will be getting married. So I won. I win, you lose, ah ha.

I'm guessing this is the scene Babe mentioned was hard cause it's a love scene but he's sad cause he knows he's gonna leave Phaya but Phaya doesn't know that. I do wish we had seen him negotiate this with Chalothon. Like “fine I'll go with you, but you gotta let me have one more night to get that dick.”

Paid $16 and the damn ass blur is still there? Pardon me?

Phaya loves Tharn so fucking much. He is out here freaking out. Running around aimlessly. Baby. Baby boy.

Okay, also, Tharn. Love. You had to know Phaya wasn't just gonna let you leave? Asking why he followed you. Babe. Baby. Babes. He's always gonna follow you.

Again. Chalothon’s Naga look is really hot and if I was Tharn I would have never looked at Phaya in our first life cause I would have been sat with that man and his hot ass fire look. RIP to Tharn but I'm different. I'm a whore.

Yes at Phaya using his Garuda powers. They were so severely lacking in this show and I’m still butthurt.

THARN BABY OMG. I mean. You would think that maybe Chalothon would have learned by now to not throw spear objects at Phaya. Stupid bitch. Killed the person he's wanted for several lifetimes TWICE in the same way.

I'm here for this montage combining both their lives. Sad it's happening because Tharn got fucking stabbed. Again.

“He's always sacrificing himself for you to be where he doesn't belong. You're selfish.” Now I know your bitch ass isn't saying that when you have now KILLED him twice. Hater ass bitch. Someone is selfish here and it's not the dude who hasn't killed his man TWICE in the same way. Flop ass bitch.

Oh Phaya. Baby. He just loves Tharn so fucking much.

Damn. They sent Dao’s ass back to France. I didn't like her, but they didn't need to send her ass back to France. lol

Oh. I'm not ready for Yai and Phaya to see each other. Not at all. Phaya is just crying silently and Yai is ugly crying. Neither of them have spoken a word to the other. Oh my heart.

A YEAR LATER??? Oh they're really doing this huh. Okay. lol I figured something was gonna happen when the still of Phaya with that hair and facial hair came out. Man was obviously going through something and time had passed.

Phaya. I get maybe there's not other bedrooms in Tharn’s grandma’s house but staying in the room AND bed where y'all last saw each other can't be good for your mental health. Though the hair and facial hair already told me that mental health is hanging on by a thread and that thread is fraying baby.

THE SQUAD IS HERE TO FIND THARN. My boy is fucking alive and with his babe! And Sand is here too! Mine and Yai’s girl! I didn't even see the fine ass Captain, but he’s there too. Is he joining the search or is he trying to get Phaya to start living again? Regardless, even he came down. I love that. In another life he was Tharn's brother. Though Phaya has clearly given up on life. Which again, that hair and facial hair already showed that.

Is this a real thing or is Phaya dreaming??? I know they said it's the 15th day on the 11th moon or something so the Naga can come out so I'm guessing it's real? THE SNAKE DOCTOR FINALLY GAVE THARN UP??? Okay, I love this. I need the second thing they do after getting off this hill is cut Phaya’s hair and shave him. The first thing is fuck, obviously.

#the sign #the sign the series #spoilers #the show stuck the fuck out of the landing #which is very appreciated since a lot of shows have very much not been sticking the landing #I had a good time with the show overall #even though I do still have complaints about the writing #but this finale was very satisfying to me #totally worth my $16 and getting up at 3AM #regular clyde

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artist-issues · 3 months

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can i ask what you like about harry potter since it's your first time reading it? i was obsessed with those books as a kid, and i always like to hear what first time readers think of the series. do you have a favorite character? a favorite book so far? i'd love to hear your thoughts!

I only just finished the Prisoner of Azkaban and it was my favorite so far! I really like it so far. Dumbledore was my favorite character because I like how he knows what Harry and his friends are up to, and he orchestrates events so that they are able to set things right. Then it was Neville Longbottom, after the poor kid stood up to Harry and Ron and Hermione when they were breaking the rules.

But then I encountered a very kind Dark Arts teacher, after the previous two horrible Dark Arts teachers, and like the first thing he did was be kind to Neville Longbottom. And everyone who's kind to Neville Longbottom makes me instantly happy. And then the more I learned about him and compared how HE was behaving to other Professors who catch Harry in the act of doing something dangerous, the more I decided Professor Lupin is my favorite character. I also like the brotherly relationships that make characters have in the series. You don't see that too often anymore. Nowadays, close male characters are either gay or not that close.

We'll see if he remains my favorite!

The thing I don't like about the books is how, other than Dumbledore, there seems to be a pattern of adults being wrong, and unable to do the things that the kids do to save the day. And the kids keep having to break rules and endanger themselves and lie, and then the narrative rewards all of that. There's quite a lot of "we can't trust the adults, we know better than them" in the actions of the characters.

But that's why I like Neville, who wins the house cup for Gryffindor after the first book's events just by doing the right thing and obeying the rules with the information he had, even when it was hard and his only friends were telling him to shut up and leave them alone. And that's why I like Dumbledore, who so far kind of stands in as a "higher power" who knows everything and orchestrates events so that the kids work everything out (though he obviously still has a lot of humanizing moments too.)

So far I think the characters with the most depth are the ones she's not writing about that much. Like Lupin and Black and Pettigrew and James Potter. But I've heard the series "grows up with its readers," so maybe Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, all those main characters will have more depth as I keep reading.

I think the way she sets up her climaxes are really good. Like how a tiny detail, like a regular colorful description of how ragged Scavbers the rat looks includes the fact that he's missing a toe, just in passing, fits so perfectly in with the big reveal that Peter Pettigrew is also missing a finger later on. But in the moment, her foreshadowing doesn't look like foreshadowing; it just looks like color added to the story.

My least favorite thing, also, is that I'll keep expecting one of the main trio to have an emotional or character-revealing response to something, and then sometimes they just...don't. Like Hermione doesn't really react one way or another to the prejudice against mudbloods in Chamber of Secrets. Even if her character is one that doesn't mind what bullies say, or she's so logical that she doesn't give a silly thing like prejudice a second thought...the perspective of Harry could've noticed that. He could've made an observation about it, so that we would know that's definitely the kind of girl she is. Or, she could've freaked out about it, or gradually shown embarrassment or self consciousness about it. But she doesn't really do anything noticeable in response to this major plot point. So it feels more like there's no intentional depth to her character.

Which I know is probably not true, because she's out work into characters like Dumbledore and Snape, so I know Rowling can write characters with depth. I don't know.

Anyway, those are my thoughts! I've seen no movies and interacted with the "fandom" zip, zero, not at all.

#Harry Potter #feels weird to put that in the tags after so long not touching it 😅#j.k. Rowling #potter more #Professor Lupin #Lupin

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lover-of-mine · 17 days

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Hi Anna 🥰

First, can you believe we got a HUG???? After what? 66 episodes?

Second, I REALLY want to know your thoughts on the expression Eddie made when he realized Tommy was gay. It's the same expression he wore when Shannon asked for a divorce, I think. The "I've been reading this entire thing wrong" face. But why do you think he was so stunned by the fact *Tommy* wasn't straight? I think he was realizing that the way he and Tommy interact differs So Much from the way he and Buck do, but I don't know (running on no sleep again this week, forgive me if none of this makes any sense 😅)

I feel like he wasn't as surprised to learn about Buck because he's doing that "first to understand thing" or at the very least had a hunch about it.

hi baby 🩷🩷 we got a hug, was is over 🙏 and we know Eddie is gonna be all over Buck next episode too, so like wins all around.

So, that expression, that did look like his "you're altering my world view" expression and we have a few options there. There's the funny one, the "was Tommy trying to woo me?" possibility, Tommy did fly him to Vegas for ringside seats, yk? And just having a minute about it lol. But the thing is the episode proved Eddie is deeper in denial than anticipated (rip Eddie fell first essay you will always be true in my heart), but like I said with the whole Eddie is last to see, first to understand, where Buck needs more time, Eddie needs a heavier hit, I don't think just the idea of Buck dating someone would trigger something, he needs to see something or Buck needs to do something, I don't know what rn, I just reblogged a post about the possibility of Buck saying he's in love with him before Eddie is ready to deal with it, and I can totally see that, you can have things ending abruptly with Tommy, Eddie wondering why, Buck being unable to lie to him about it and Eddie being slammed into the realization by something going ridiculously wrong (I will never stop pushing for my Buck drowning in the season finale, so you could do a situation where Buck confesses in some level like saying "Tommy thinks I'm in love with you", something goes wrong, Buck almost dies on him again and he's like oh fuck, and then you have that conflict transfer to season 8 while we wait for them get their shit together) because we all know that "it doesn't change a thing between us" is gonna come back around, same with the Maddie talk, but I also think they need to give the audience some indication that Eddie likes men and/or Buck before Buck can say that. But I just went on a tangent. Tommy. I think Tommy being as similar to Eddie as he was set up to be isn't just about Buck working out the kinks before Eddie, also I can't believe Lou actually said that completely unprompted, but I don't think it ever occurred to Eddie that someone like him could be into men too. Because Eddie spent his whole life doing the right thing in a very twisted way. He got his girlfriend pregnant, so he married her, he joined the army to provide for her and Chris, the show keeps implying he's looking for a mother to Chris, not an actual partner, with these "proper latina women". He loved Shannon, and he thinks he can recreate that. BUT he has a partner, who's not only helping him with life, he's also helping him with Chris, so he checks both boxes. But he's also a man. So he never had a reason to look at it. Until that partner started dating another man, who's extremely similar to him. The pieces for him to be like "oh, that's an option?" are literally all there. He literally said "you and Tommy have it right". Like literally. The seed is planted. The thought is there. At any moment, this man can look at Tommy being that sure of his sexuality and his masculinity and liking a lot of the things he does and also liking Buck, and being like "maybe men are an option" that would lead to an "is Buck an option?" that could give us some nice movement.

I think the question here is who the show wants to reach the "oh am I in love with him" conclusion first. They both have most of the pieces of the puzzle, Buck has more because he has the attraction to men piece, but I maintain that Eddie would be less freaked out about the liking men aspect of loving Buck then Buck would the other way around. It's kinda like we kept writing feeling realization fics where Eddie was totally fine with the idea of wanting to fuck Buck through the mattress but panicked at the idea that he wanted to hold his hand but Buck was the other way around. There's also the problem of what label they are going to give Eddie. Even if most likely it will be just indirectly. I feel like the episode actually even kinda gave us enough to argue that man as demiromantic, but I digress, they doubled down on him loving Shannon, so you kinda can't go the strictly gay route, and he's not stereotypically bi, but obviously who needs stereotypes and it would kinda be nice to see some bi4bi thing that's not stereotypical, and they can go the who cares, he loved Shannon, now he loves Buck route which I think would be the most plausible? Considering they are probably not gonna go there with the demisexuality of it all. And also depends on how attached they want Buck to be to his queer awakening. I think the realization that he's into men and in love with Buck are tied together, but that's a personal opinion, I think his brain would accept the attraction to men and instantly attach that to Buck. But they could very much give Eddie a man to explore things with too. Circling back to the look, I kinda think that was a "I didn't know a guy like Tommy could like men" that's just slightly to the left of the realization of "I didn't know a guy like me could like men" and that could come back to help him get there.

#this got long and rambly #im not sure it makes sense #I'm still processing that coming out scene lpakspskapska #911 #911 spoilers #i really need a tag for asks #911 speculation #maggie 💜

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mrmallard · 5 months

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So with my James Somerton post yesterday, I expressed how miserable it all made me feel. The constant plagiarism and the weaponization of his fanbase is such a fucked up thing, especially now we know that he was covering for his own wrongdoing by harassing people who came across it. HBomberGuy seemed pretty miserable by the end; he made a pertinent point about how many people were overshadowed by Somerton's actions, and the lengths he took to steal their hard work and pass it off as his own. For a man who claimed to care so much about the erasure of queer men through history, he did a lot of fucking erasure of his own, including against gay men and their contributions to culture. It's a really fucked up and depressing thing. I don't have the heart to meme about it.

That's not me going "memeing about James Somerton is bad, think of the victims!" - that's just me describing my own perspective. I already feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don't need to steep myself in all that right now - but anyone else can meme away.

The main concern I have after seeing that video and hearing about everything that's happened is how to rebuild. There's been a great wrong committed. How do we try to fix that and make it right? I think it was good for HBomberGuy to not only split his ad revenue proportionally between the victims of everyone's plagiarism, but to highlight other queer youtubers - some of them victims of Somerton's theft, others not. Personally, I'd like to do that too, because I really like their work and it's something I can do to try and make a tangible difference.

For my money, I want to highlight Alexander Avila, Lola Sebastian and Kat Blaque. Much like what I saw of Somerton's output, I saw them mostly through third-party apps with pop-up windows on touchscreen devices (Pi Music Player, and then NewPipe).

---

I think the first Alex Avila video I saw was "Why Can't Celebrities Queerbait?". To my recollection, it was a video that began with some recent news about a young actor who was criticized for playing a gay character in a TV show, to the point of being bullied into coming out as bisexual before he was ready. Another example was the woman who wrote the novel that "Love, Simon" was based on, which has an unfortunate overlap with James Somerton's wrongdoings.

The core of the video is about the misuse of "queerbaiting" to refer to a celebrity "appropriating" queerness, when queerbaiting is a media term for when a queer ship is dangled in front of a receptive audience only to be yanked back to keep the audience hungry for more. And Alex gives examples of this, the largest example being Teen Wolf. It's an extremely well-made video, and I thought Alex made a great point about how you really don't know a person's sexuality until they spell it out themselves. It's been a while and I might be misremembering this, so take this with a grain of salt, but I also remember a point about how bullying people out of the closet isn't the diversity win that some people think it is.

He also has an incredible video about how he was a transgender child, growing up into a transgender man. idk if this is a weird thing to say, but it's an absolute must-watch video. The video he released after that is another really good one, it's the one that HBomberGuy pointed out - it's called "TikTok Gave Me Autism: the Politics of Self-Diagnosis", and it's an incredible, poignant video that taught me a lot about the continuing stigma towards neurodivergency and the backlash against both neurodivergency and self-diagnosis through a proxy backlash towards modern social media.

Apparently, becoming a New Zealand citizen is next to impossible if you have an autism diagnosis - I had no idea. My plan was always to try and move to NZ if Australia goes to shit; given my own suspicions about my neurological state, pursuing that could end up turning all my plans to shit.

Another great video essay YouTuber is Lola Sebastian. The first video I saw of hers was a video called "The Absurd Horror of Marge Simpson". I didn't really like it, it's got a lot of like avant-garde bits, but it was good background noise for playing Runescape and it led to me finding a much bigger body of work which I really enjoyed.

She had a video called Problematic Fans which is unlisted now, it's been too long since I've seen it but I remember liking it. I've seen her video about Call Me By Your Name multiple times, it's an incredible breakdown of that movie as well as the stuff about Armie Hammer. More recently, I really enjoyed her video about Bones and All, juxtaposed by the backlash to Twilight's "softening of vampires for the sake of trite romanticism" in its heyday. It does break down Twilight, including its exploitation of the Quileute people, while also discussing a recent movie called Bones and All - a movie that's been review-bombed for, allegedly, being "Twilight but with cannibals". This video is probably the only video I've seen in years that's made me actually want to seek out and watch a movie.

I haven't seen a lot of Kat Blaque's videos lately. I did recently see her breaking down that SunnyV2 video basically shaming MrBeast's transgender friend and saying that MrBeast is gonna fail unless Chris quits the YouTube channel. What I remember the most about her is that she's got a few storytime videos about her dating life, and looking at her channel she does a lot of topical videos about media, the internet and queer issues.

I remember liking Kat Blaque's storytime videos for being personal and open, and she talks about stuff like misogynoir and her experiences as a black trans woman. This isn't a perspective I see often, not as a white Australian guy in my real life or in a broader community of video essayists. Her videos seem to be about half an hour on average, at least her more recent videos - definitely check out her videos and see if you like them, they're a good length and I think she has a lot to say. I'm just sorry I can't go into more detail.

---

My mental health is pretty bad rn. I was running on fumes yesterday and watching over four hours of video content about YouTube plagiarism and James Somerton specifically really fried my brain in a way that I really didn't need. Me saying "I can't deal with the drama behind James Somerton" and all that isn't like a Moral Stance against what's happening - I'm just at my wit's end with everything in the world right now, I don't need to immerse myself in all that right now.

But I've seen what happened, and all that is a part of me now. Probably a very unhealthy way to feel, but I've dipped my toe into it all and this is the conclusion I took away from it.

I don't want to be a part of the cancelling or the tearing down. Does James Somerton deserve backlash, to the point of losing his following? Based on what we've seen, and what I personally believe about the situation, yes. But that side of things isn't my scene. I want to help repair the damage and rebuild what's been lost in the wake of everything that's happened.

And I want to express that while James Somerton, his rampant theft and the negative effects of his actions are trending right now, I think that people who are currently focusing on tearing James Somerton down for what he did should consider joining the effort of building up a base for his victims and for other queer YouTubers - if they haven't already.

Do you have to follow Alex Avila because James Somerton ripped him off, no. Is it recompense for what happened with Somerton, probably not. But I'm recommending Alex Avila because his YouTube videos are really fucking good. I'm recommending the youtubers I recommended because I really like their videos. For any tearing down that's happening right now, I want to rebuild something more positive in its place.

I want people to watch videos like Alexander Avila's video about the politics of self-diagnosis, I want them to see Lola Sebastian's video about Bones and All. I want them to enjoy Kat Blaque's storytime content and - like myself after I finish this post - watch her most recent videos and see how they like them. If you enjoy video essay content, these three channels make really good videos, as do the other YouTubers who HBomberGuy recommended at the end of the video. I want any of my own input in this ugliness, at least past the point that I've already commented, to go towards building people up.

So consider checking out Alexander Avila, Lola Sebastian and Kat Blaque. Also consider checking out Princess Weekes, apologies for the late entry but she does some great videos about media and fandom. Their videos are a great way to fill in the time, and after the dust has settled, I hope they get a bit of a boost in attention if nothing else.

#james somerton #long post #messyposting

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caninekakashi · 2 years

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HERE IS THE POST!! I AM NOT A COWARD!!

kakashi has Bad Dog Disorder and a dissociation problem, and here is why

first, we need to establish what makes a ‘bad dog’ bad. and the answer to that, in a cruel home, is everything

what is a bad dog?

a bad dog is a dog that barks too loud, that whines too much, that wants too loudly, that needs too humanly. a bad dog is a dog that is seen, or a dog that is heard, or a dog that isn’t seen, or isn’t heard.

a bad dog is a dog that can never win, because no matter what they do, no matter how they behave, they are always bad. once you’re awarded that title, there is no giving it away.

which brings us to “friend killer” kakashi.

bad dog disorder

there is literally no other way to describe what kakashi has going on mentally than just calling him a bad dog. every action, every reaction, it all comes from a place of wanting to be Good. he wants to be good DESPERATELY, he wants to be good for his father, he wants to be good for his sensei, he wants to be a good leader, a good teammate, he wants to be a good shinobi, he wants to be good. but at every step of the way, every turn, every leg of the journey of his youth, he is shown repeatedly, and unequivocally, that he is Bad.

he tries to follow the rules, tries to do the opposite of what killed his dad. obito tells him that hes wrong, kakashi learns that he’s bad when he fails. if he was good, he would have succeeded.

(he and his father are bad, theres no way around it. the village hated them for good reason)

he tries to take care of his team, tries to protect rin. Rin takes away Kakashi’s choice and uses him as a weapon.

that is a very important shift in kakashi’s mental state, rin jumps in front of kakashi’s hand. rin uses kakashi as the weapon to end her own life. she USES HIM as a WEAPON, for the very first time, and she loves him for it.

kakashi is used as a weapon, and he is loved for it. there is no coming back from that.

everyone kakashi has lost in his young life, has died for or because of him.

(he is bad because he failed, because he killed the one person he was supposed to protect, he can’t be good no matter how hard he tries, so why try?)

(but kakashi still tries.)

anbu

minato puts kakashi in anbu to keep him close, to get him to guard kushina, to TRY and give him a break, a moment, and then he dies, and no one ever pulls kakashi out.

it is my personal belief, that kakashi is a pacifist. i don’t think he likes fighting, i think fighting alongside allies terrifies him, just look at his reaction to gai opening the 8 gates. that is not the expression of a jonin shinobi prepared to do what it takes, that is the face of a terrified man about to lose another person for and because of him.

hound never looks like this.

kakashi in anbu is noticeable becuase he does not emote, not even when the mask is off, at most he will glare, very frequently he is completely blank.

kakashi removes himself from situations that scare him, as noted by his refusal to get close to people and his desire to flee. he dips out the second the option becomes available, because he is scared.

being in anbu? doing horrific missions now because minato isnt there to keep him close, to keep him from seeing the great depths of depravity humanity is capable of? kakashi is a child, and he is a weapon, and anbu will use him like one.

if he stayed present, if he was there for every mission, every massacre. if he was in the moment, in every second spent with his hand through another person’s chest, he would die. kakashi would die. gai was right, that’s NOT who kakashi is.

but someone has to be.

which brings us to:

kakashi’s shitty brain

this man has mental disorders previously only contractible by shrimp.

he is contrasted to obito frequently, which is correct, theyre good narrative pieces, but they are polar opposites.

obito feels deeply and obsessively, the emotion he feels in the moment is the strongest he’s ever felt in his life, there is no memory of any other feeling while he’s feeling it.

and kakashi can’t convince himself to feel anything, not really.

obito is angry, a righteous furious kind of rage that demands payment for the suffering that led to it. but kakashi doesn’t have that rage, he can’t. there are times when he has anger, sometimes even intensely, but he can’t keep it. kakashi doesn’t have the fuel required to keep any strong emotion alive long enough for him to feel it.

obito and kakashi both have a very small, scared child in them.

they always come back to that moment, that mission, back to when they were a team.

there is a terrified child in them both, and then there is something else, some kind of hurting thing, something that keeps them safe.

kakashi lives as the child, and obito lives as the other one.

if obito and kakashi were stuck in a hole, you could throw them both a rope. obito would climb out, indignant and angry at the circumstances that put him in that hole, and kakashi would hang himself.

to their core, they are different. because obito wants to be a savior, and kakashi wants to be saved.

but with his team gone, with his father dead, his sensei dead, with his friends kept at an arms length to keep them safe, there is no one to keep him safe.

there is no one to save him.

so kakashi has to save himself

hound

hound is a mask, one would argue that it is The Mask. the mask to hide all things, the mask that is worn whenever something kakashi can’t handle approaches him. whenever kakashi is afraid, whenever he is that small child, there is hound.

hound came to him when kakashi was young. hound was bloody to kakashi’s broken, and kakashi needed him to survive.

hound settles over kakashi like a second skin, awkward and ill fitting, hound was made of kakashi, but kakashi was not hound.

hound is the knife, kakashi is somehow, still, not the wielder.

hound moves when prompted, kills when asked, attacks when threatened, and anbu uses him like the weapon kakashi couldnt survive being.

kakashi has a Very complicated relationship with hound, because even out of anbu, hound doesn’t leave. hound has been there for over half kakashi’s life, he is a prominent part of his existence now.

kakashi knows that it was his body, his hands in another’s chest, his feet used to kick, to break, but it is hound that was standing in front of him, hound that was pulling the strings.

hound has ALWAYS hurt kakashi, because that is what hound is, a weapon against that which kakashi cannot stand, what kakashi fears, hates. hound has always bit kakashi first, the target second. kakashi is used to it.

kakashi hides behind hound, needs hound to survive, because hound pulls the wool over his eyes, hound numbs the pain, hound lessens the blow, because. its a lot easier to justify your actions when you take away your control of the events.

is a bad dog bad?

in any situation, kakashi can be himself, or he can be the dog, but he can't be both. so he has to choose who is what when he walks into any interaction, when he has to make any decision.

is he kakashi, or is he the dog? does the dog take priority or does kakashi? and when the dog takes priority, it gets easier and easier to let it take charge.

is a bad dog bad? no it does what its supposed to do. but what about you?

kakashi can’t afford to be ‘him’ in anbu, he has to be the dog, he has to be hound, he has to survive. his morals contradict with his mission and what he needs to do, his wants oppose what is demanded of him. hound is a shield to handle everything kakashi can’t handle.

when it comes to anbu, the choices he has to make, there is no clear ‘correct’ choice. and kakashi can’t make that connection because kakashi does not exist in a grey area. kakashi is either good, or he is bad, he can’t be both.

to a mentally stable person, it’s clear that these situations are not black and white, there is an overlap, a grey area, color. but dogs are colorblind.

so where does that leave kakashi

kakashi’s life is defined by an overwhelming lack of choice. lack of control.

he couldn’t control his village’s reaction to his father. couldn’t control his father’s suicide.

couldn’t control the cave in, had no choice about taking the eye.

he couldn’t control rin, had no choice about being used kill her

couldn’t even choose to help minato and kushina during the kyuubi attack.

couldn’t control, had no choice, had no way out, could only ever be dragged further in.

at the very least, he can choose to have hound, he can control that. chose when to wear that mask, but the funniest part about it, is that he can’t.

he’s removed from anbu against his will, stripped from his addiction with no transitional period, and then forced back into civilian life with a “thanks for your service” and no therapy or any reason to keep going.

and hound doesn’t leave.

hound is still full of teeth, sharp with his claws, he is still howling and haunted, hound still craves violence, still bites, snaps at whatever is closest.

when he was in anbu and JUST anbu, and all his allies were nameless, replaceable faces -- (they were never replaceable to kakashi, but hound doesnt care) -- hound could snap and bite, hound could do what it was created for, hound could gnaw on kakashi’s limbs, could rip into his enemies, could handle all the bloodshed that always led kakashi into a panic attack.

WITHOUT anbu, all kakashi has are s rank missions, and his friends who are trying to save him, and it’s not the same. kakashi has no choice but to continue courting what he has known his entire life, violence, and whatever hurts him the most. hound never goes away.

kakashi lives his life off of table scraps, never taking more than he is given, never asking for more. he does not deserve more, somewhere along the way kakashi confused ‘living’ with surviving, and hound

hound never goes away.

psa guys i promise i know thats not how dog colorblindness works it was just a metaphor <3

#lev howls #THESE. ARE MY MANY THOUGHTS #i literally can't look at this wall of fucking text anymore thank you <3 #kakashi #hound #trying to reread this makes me feel like it is so incomprehensible ill have to look at it again later but YEAH #had to edit the post sorry for any new notifs <3 #my meta

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