Rizz Son

idk what the fuck did i do to yeah get ready for visual cancer and my bad writing.

´´John, that's enough! ´´ claims an annoying Alexander, a 17-year-old boy who attends Columbia University, this boy had charming eyes of a blue color combined with violet and a curly hair dyed a strong brown that He could almost look red, not forgetting his beautiful freckles which were scattered all over his face. He had to admit that he was very feminine and his height and body did not help, he was very handsome among women and men although he denied it. Taking her hands off his insistent boyfriend, John, the ones that only managed to scare him.

And it was October 31 and instead of going out to party with the boys or the Schuyler sisters, he could even stay with Gil or George and Martha but no, he had decided to stay with John in his apartment, to watch movies, taking advantage of his parents and siblings are not there.

Serious mistake.

You're a coward. . .''John jokes, continuing with the pinches that distract the freckled, in his attempt to pay attention. They were watching the Japanese version of ´´The Aro´´ and the truth is that Alex was on the verge of a heart attack, he was not good at horror films, although he had a masochistic taste for these types of films.

´´John, seriously. . .Y-stop! ´´ he asks in a not so convincing way, noticing how the blond's hands begin to slip through his clothes. Alexander knows that they are alone and that they will probably do "that" to take advantage of the time together; he resists anyway.

deep down he liked that Laurens wanted more of him.

Come on, you know the end. They all die, '' he whispers in Alex's ear and although he knows he is right, his hoarse and excited voice is what disturbs him.

In less than he expects, he's already got John on top of him and he's collapsed on the bed in a struggle actually. . .not so forced. And that although he does not want to admit it, Alexander likes that rude and daring side that he rarely showed and despite that, it was ´´Jack´´ who started this type of encounter, mostly to commit indecent acts and explore the joys of sex.

´´ Why don´t you stop Lex? ´´ jokes John with a little impatience and his cock is too erect. ´´oh! I don't know, maybe it's because I have a fucking fear that a woman will appear from the TV and kill us? ´ 'Alex sarcastically responds, with a small blush peeking out of his freckled cheeks and managing to get a small laugh from both of them. Listening to Alex's melodious laugh, for John it was music to his ears, but, if he had known this was going to happen, he would have put him in one of those 80's movies, with those he hadn't had any problems the last time.

"It doesn't matter, we'll fix it," he says, smiling confidently and pulling his pants down on his embarrassed and sarcastic boyfriend. Leaving those slender and shapely legs in sight.

He didn't need his dick to lift anyway, as long as he loosened it would be fine.

´´J-jack, u-hm. . . ” Alex gasps when he feels Laurens's tongue brush against her belly button in circles, as his hands venture up his thighs, spreading them wide open. In the background you can still hear the screams of the horror movie.

Movie that they will never finish seeing.

"Do you like it?" Jack asks between gasps and his cock about to burst. He had spent minutes preparing hard the contracted entrance of his dear boy, who would not stop panting and letting out moans that made him lose what little patience he had. ´´Y-yes. . I think I'm ready," he announces to which John, instantly, unbuttons his pants. Releasing his aching erection.

´´Ngh. . . Alex´´ John moans hoarsely against his ear, at the same time that he aligned his cock in his tight entrance, without waiting any longer, the blonde enters suddenly, drawing a groan from both of them at feeling so complete. It didn't take long when he began to thrust into his ass, as the sound of the bed and their sexual release filled the room. For a moment, none of them feel the noise of the film anymore. They are both gone in that dance of sweaty bodies that invokes pleasure and to which they have become addicted without knowing how.

Until something rings.

´´What was that? ´´ asks Alexander to the busy John, who doesn´t even flinch at the loud sound. He is still very immersed in his work of going out and going into the depths of his being.

A second noise is heard.

'' John. . .´´ Alex insists, starting to get really scared. It sounded like knocks, coming from the first floor. ´´Alex, for the shit stop squeezing me ngh !. ... it must be a fucking bird crashing into the window.´´ he tries to calm him down, feeling how his member is compressed against his insides, every time the freckled body tenses.

"What if he is your father?"

The blond's face pales at the horrendous possibility.

"Shit, get dressed!" He says, completely leaving his entrance, and then running off to get their clothes. He throws Alex's clothes at his face, ordering him to stay in the room and for no reason leave there, until verifying if he is his father.

He doesn't know about their relationship, nor that Alexander is in the house. . His presence of him there would be something very annoying to explain.

(…)

The minutes pass and John does not return, Alex begins to worry.

´´John? ´´ he asks once in the kitchen, he chosen to go downstairs anyway. They had spent several minutes without knowing anything about her boyfriend and now she was really scared

He walks towards the front door. . .

It's open.

. . .

With a little chill through running her body, he quickly goes to the kitchen for something to threaten his possible aggressor. He takes a knife, but since he does not consider himself a murderer, he decides to exchange it for a large meat grinder. At least with this one he could take down the possible intruder, before escaping.

Alexander, barely breathing, creeps into the house. There is no noise in it and no sign of John. So, drawing courage from him, he does not know where, he goes outside through the backyard door, where the entrance to the shed can be seen ajar.

A stain of what appears to be blood can be seen on the door of this and causes the freckled young man to collect his heart. Then, shivering and tears streaming from his violet eyes, he enters desperately.

´´J-jack? ´´ he asks with a shaking voice and gasping for breath. He does not see the blond, because it is very dark. He advances looking for the wall switch and then. . .

Then he steps on something that made his blood run cold.

´´AHHHHHHH !! ´´ he yells when he steps on something similar to a body, then realizing that it is just a very battered scarecrow. He breathes a sigh of relief and luckily for him, he finally finds the light switch.

He turns it on.

´´AHHHHHHHHHH !!!! ´´

Alexander runs terrified of the place before what he saw. A shed full of blood-red stains and something that looked like guts scattered on the floor, but what had scared him the most was the dark cloak one that he could make out at the bottom of a corner.

It was that of a person.

. . .

Alarmed, he enters the house and without being able to reach the bathroom, in the kitchen dishwasher he begins to vomit. His body trembles and tears of deep pain fall from his eyes, as he thinks about the possibility of what he saw spread across the walls and floor. . . was his jack

-Hey, don't you think we went out of line?-

-Shut up dumb.-

-oh god, I can't anymore.-

-It was your idea, I'm just following you, asshole! -

-my idea?, it was Ben! -

-Don't blame me for his perversions, when Alex finds out he's going to hit us with that butcher's machete.-

Three young people comment on their joke while hiding in some bushes, unfortunately, precisely the ones facing the kitchen.

(…)

'' Shit, we're more than screwed. . .´´ are Benjamin's words as he sees Alexander open the bushes, revealing his hiding place. His face overcomes what is anger. His eyes are still red from crying and his serious gesture is one of complete hatred.

And he still has the machete in his hand.

"B-ben, weren't we going to the party?" Hale asks Benjamin, who nods nervously, because he knows that if they don't get out of there. . . . they will go very badly.

Alexander although he seems a weakling, but he has strength.

And a machete.

´´y-yes´´ supports him ´´ well dude. . . take care! ´´ Benjamin says goodbye, slapping John on the back, in an attempt to give him support. Although rather, it is a gesture of condolences to his sexual life.

Tonight someone was going to stay without fucking.

(…)

´´Alex,. .hey. . .´´ He tries to get closer to the redhead, taking care that the minor does not split his head.

´´NO! ´´ Alex jerks away from the arm that is trying to take him. "DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DAMNED IDIOT!" He shouts angrily, trying not to give her the satisfaction of seeing him break into tears.

Although he was already doing it.

John, like few times in his life, feels bad about the things that

he does. And he had never seen Alex like this.

Crying as if his life were lost on it, and with so much sorrow in his eyes.

This time,

He messed it up.

´´Alex, sorry. . .´´ he whispers and makes a second attempt to get closer, which this time, if it seems to work. His dear boy is so sad and hurt that he does not resist when John embraces him, pulling him close to his body. ´´ I already told you I'm sorry, I'm fine. . Come on, don't cry. . .´´ he tries to calm him down, stroking his back and giving him small kisses on his face full of small salty tears.

'I-I thought you were dead. . .I-I saw all those things and. . .´´ Alex tries to speak but only starts crying again. John, feeling like the worst beast in the world, accompanies him in bed. Laying him on his bed and settling aside to caress his face, guiltily, until he stops crying. Spreading kisses down his cheeks, which were now red as was his nose.

´´J-john no. . .'' Alex tries to stop him when he sees him approach his lips to his face, with the intention of kiss him. ´ ´I v-vomited´´ he confesses ashamed, hiccupping from crying.

´´ I don't care, it's okay. I can clean you with my tongue. . .´´ John insists, speaking flirtatiously to make him laugh again. He likes Alexander who usually laughs, who cries in this way hurts him, and more to know that it was his fault.

´´Stop your nonsense. . . . Can we sleep? ´´ asks what Laurens, trying to control her sexual / depressive urges, nods.

He would have to stay with it this time.

They both snuggle up, covering themselves well with the blankets and giving each other a couple of kisses before going to sleep.

A noise is heard again

Alexander, snuggled against Jack's chest, looks up. John, annoyed, decides to ignore the sound similar to that of a while ago.

Again he is heard again.

These idiots. . .´´ he complains, taking his cell phone to give Benjamin's life sermon. When he answers him, he receives exactly that.

-Hey idiot, are you retarded or what? Stop with your shit or seriously I'm going to kick your balls, and until they come out.

But it is not Benjamin who speaks, it is more, nobody answers. The music of the party is not heard either. Only someone's breathing can be heard in response, so terrifying it makes John hang up the phone and throw it to the ground as if on fire.

´´What's wrong? ´´ asks Alex, calmer now. Jack was a little pale. And is that John, had already heard that noise. He heard it when he stood at the entrance of the house, when he went out in search of what was generating that annoying blow, and then ended up meeting his friends and playing that stupid joke for which he now feared that the freckled man would really hate him.

"It's nothing, let's go back to sleep." He replies, trying to convince himself that it must be another stupid joke of those two. Alexander closes his eyes quietly but John cannot sleep, any noise alerts him. He has a bad feeling.

´´ What's wrong, can't you sleep? ´´ asks Alex, noticing how his Jack moves too much on the bed. . . "no. . . .i have a little insomnia" he confesses, not wanting to terrify him with the chilling thoughts of him.

Where there was still someone in his home.

´´ Me too´´ Alex mentions as he snuggles deeper into John's arms. "Do you want to fuck?" Asks the blonde, to which Alex just laughs. "Jack, don't think I forgot the joke," he replies to which John huffs, frustrated, assuming there really wouldn't be sex today.

´´ although I am surprised that they were so detailed with all that of the blood, guts and that dark suit.´´

´´What a dark suit? ´´ asks John, not remembering that in the plan.

´´the one with the disguise, the dark cape.´´

´´ There was no dark layer .´´

´´ but I saw someone at the back of the shed.´´

. . .

This is when John is more alarmed than before.

And when another noise is heard, this time they can both notice

Which is from a window on the first floor. and that this time they will not be able to see the light of a new day.

Morning news, yesterday October 31, two bodies were found on 123rd Street, because of the atrocious way in which they were murdered, they could not recognize them, however, thanks to our best police officers, we now know their names. John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton. we recommend not leaving the house while we still do not catch this man.

On tv there was an image of the murderer of that couple.

who could say that John Andre's jealousy would lead him to commit such an atrocity.

Heylo! I saw that you were asking for requests, and I have one if you want to write it! What if the reader is always drawing on the boards after school, and students don’t know who does it, and one day Peter catches her drawing? Idk, I kinda liked the idea! I love your writing hun!!🥰💕❤️

Peter Parker and The Dry Erase Board Artist

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A/N: And here it is! Almost a whole month after I said I would have it done! I am so so so sorry for how long this took and also sorry for how shitty it also is. I hope you enjoy this trash fire that I just spent almost 4 hours on and finished at 1 am. Oh, I also made this gender neutral using they/them pronouns. 

Warnings: uh language, slight death threat?, stupid teachers, numbers, fluff ig, idrk 

Word Count: 2279

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: There’s a new mystery in Midtown, and it’s the creator of the dry erase board drawings. Peter is desperate to find out who it is even if it means losing sleep and missing assignments. What will it take to find out who this secret artist is?

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Peter knew all about mysteries. He used to stay up too late reading those mystery novels by flashlight when he should have been sleeping. He grew up loving them. The amount of times May would walk into the living room to see him once again binge watching Scooby Doo was uncountable. Even now, he prided himself on being one of the biggest mysteries in New York: Spider-Man. He had to hold back a grin whenever he heard people discuss who the masked hero could possibly be. The craziest one so far was that Spider-Man was actually an alien being used by the government. He wasn’t sure who came up with that one, but props to them for their creativity.

He just absolutely loved mysteries of all shapes and sizes, and now, he had a new one to solve: the drawings. He called it Operation Dry Erase Board, and yes, the name did need improvement. Both MJ and Ned made sure to tell him that every single time he brought it up. Ned had suggested The Search for the Hidden Artist, which MJ just said sounded even worse. 

It had started a couple weeks ago. He had walked into his first period calculus class to see everyone whispering and taking pictures of the board. His first reaction was panic － his teacher was prone to surprise pop quizzes － but it soon turned to awe as he stared at the array of color across the board. It was a beautifully detailed portrait of the sea. He gazed upon the scene of manta rays and fish and even the silhouette of a shark. There was coral and shells of every color, and the lines and swirls of blue captivated him.There was no signature. Nobody knew who had done it. 

At first, Peter just tried to brush it off. There was somebody in the school who was skilled with dry erase board markers and was very artistically gifted. Not the biggest deal, but good for them. It became a bigger deal when the next day a gorgeous rendition of Starry Night was covering the board of the biology classroom. Once again, no signature. That’s when Peter started to become invested. 

He questioned MJ first. She was one of the only artists he knew, but she just scoffed. “I’m good, but dry erase markers are shit for me to work with.” 

He started paying more attention in art class, looking for anyone with a similar style. Nothing. Everyone was your typical high school artist who was just there for the credits, meaning people like him. Don’t ask about how designing the first spidey suit went.

 The drawings just kept coming. He soon saw space, dinosaurs, a jungle, The Mona Lisa, even each of the Avengers all spread across the dry erase boards. Each one of these was so beautiful and so alluring that it made his eyes sting and shouts of protest to erupt from the students when the teachers had to erase them. Even if they didn’t erase them, they were gone the next day. Whether it was the Hidden Artist or the janitor, Peter didn’t know. It was just another part in the mystery.

A lot of the drawings weren’t done in any classrooms that Peter had, meaning he would have to take field trips during his lunch period to go and find them. Most of the time he already knew where he was going. There was now a whole Instagram page dedicated to the art. It was run by Daphne, who was in both Yearbook and the Art Club. He had asked her if it was her, but she had just giggled and said she was a fan. Honestly, Peter was too. 

He would stare at the art for as long as he could each time he saw it, and he stared at the pictures he took of them even longer. He was consumed by the art, by his love for it. He needed to find out who the artist was, but unfortunately for him it would have to wait. He was so preoccupied with being Spider-Man and now also being a shitty detective that he was falling behind on both his work and his sleep. He had now fallen asleep a total of five times over the course of a week and a half, and he was close to failing both AP Government and Spanish, simply because he wasn’t catching up on his workload. 

Now, he was passed out in AP Lang, the one class that everyone knew not to fall asleep in. He couldn’t help it. He was running on a total of 4 hours for the week, and it was a Thursday. Not even his spidey sense could have prepared him for the crash of a ruler against a metal trash can right next to his ear. After nearly falling out of his chair and almost decking his teacher, Peter was given two weeks’ worth of detentions. 

“Hopefully that’ll teach young Mr. Parker here to pay attention instead of dozing off in the middle of class. Maybe he’ll catch up on his missing assignments, too. Speaking of, would you like to tell the class which rhetorical devices you’ll be utilizing in your essay, Mr. Parker?” All Peter could do is stare back at his teacher, horror written over his face. 

————————

It was 3:30 on a Wednesday, and Peter was losing his mind. Each of his detentions were an hour and a half long, lasting from 3:15 to 4:45. He had managed to catch himself up on his work and raise his grades a bit, but that didn’t change his predicament. He couldn’t go home or skip detention, meaning he was stuck at school for another hour and fifteen minutes. When he asked if he could do something, he was told he could go help the janitor. With a sigh, he got up and went in search of the janitor’s closet. 

During the time spanning over his punishment, he had nearly forgotten about his obsession with the Hidden Artist. Of course he still saw and heard about the drawings and he would still stare when he saw them, but now with the need to focus on his assignments being drilled into his brain every day on top of trying to stop bad guys each night, he was forced to move on. He didn’t want to. God, if he had the chance he’d stare at those drawings for hours on end, but he didn’t have that chance. It fucking sucked. 

After a couple minutes of searching, he finally found the closet. He grabbed a broom and looked around, and to his left, there was a classroom with the door slightly open. With a heavy sigh, he walked towards the room and pushed the door open, only to stop dead. There, across the room, was a brand new drawing, and it was a drawing of him. Not him him, of course, but a drawing of Spider-Man. It was a drawing of an event he recognized from yesterday when he had walked a lost kid back to their parents. The drawing showed him crouched down in front of the kid who was crying, and he had his hand out as an offer for the child to take it. 

Upon closer inspection, the drawing seemed incomplete. There were too many white spaces which wasn’t the artist's style. As he stepped closer to it, he heard the door creak and a gasp behind him. He spun around, nearly falling over in the process, and looked up wildly. His eyebrows furrowed when he saw Y/n L/n, a student in his grade. They stared back at him with wide eyes. 

“Did...did you do this?” Peter asked slowly. Y/n hesitantly nodded. 

“If you tell anyone about this, Parker, you’re dead.” 

He was slightly taken aback by this. Not the death threat, necessarily, he got those all the time, but it was a bit of a surprise coming from Y/n.

“I won’t. I promise,” he said softly. 

Y/n nodded slightly before striding towards the board and taking out a marker, beginning to fill in all of the white spaces Peter had noticed earlier. 

After a moment, Peter asked, “How do you do it?”

Y/n turned towards him, black marker clutched in their hand. “What?”

“The drawings. They’re so beautiful...I didn’t even know you could draw like that.”

“Everyone has their secrets, Parker. I’m sure you have yours.” 

Peter almost laughed at that, because yeah, he did, and Y/n was drawing it across the Physics dry erase board. But he didn’t laugh. He just smiled a little and kept watching, forgetting all about the broom that was now leaning against a desk.

“So...Spider-Man huh?” 

Y/n sighed and turned to him. “Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be sweeping or something?” 

Peter shrugged. “Or something. Look, this is probably gonna sound super weird, but I’ve been trying to figure out who you were for weeks. Your art is super amazing and cool and I just wanted to know so badly who was talented enough to pull it off. And now I know.”

“Are you disappointed?” It wasn’t a question out of fear, but more out of curiosity. Y/n sat themselves on a desk and waited for the answer. 

“I don’t think so,” Peter said. “This was just unexpected, I guess. I didn’t even consider you for a suspect.” Y/n chuckled at this. 

“Nobody suspects me. That’s the fun part of all of this, actually. Did you know people actually thought that it was Ms. Rosemary for a while?”

“The crazy teacher’s aid?”

“Yup. The theory, I think, was that she was so crazy that art became like her therapy or escape or whatever. I mean, it can be like therapy, but I think Rosemary needs a little more than some doodles in order to help her.”

“These aren’t just ‘some doodles,’ Y/n. They’re-”

“Beautiful. Yeah, you’ve said.” They shrugged. “It’s just scribbles on a board, Parker. Scribbles that, for whatever reason, make our brains happy.”

Peter didn’t really have a response to that, so instead he just watched as Y/n went back to work. 

————————

That was how he would spend his detentions. He would offer to go help the janitor, and then he would run around the school trying to find Y/n. Eventually, on the days where the drawings took less time to create, Y/n started to try to teach him how to draw. Basic things at first, like flowers or trying to break things down into their simpler shapes. He could barely do either of those things, but he enjoyed trying anyways. On other days, Peter would just sit and watch in silence as they drew. It was mesmerizing, and only he got to witness it. 

It became their thing. Even after detentions ended, Peter would stay after school for an hour or so just to go hang out with Y/n. They would have snacks and play music and have a good time. Peter learned that Y/n stayed after school since their parents were never home until the late evenings, so they stayed back just for the hell of it. He also learned that they were good friends with the janitor and that his name was Roger. He was the reason that they were even able to stay for as long as they did. It was pretty cool. 

It was a Friday, and Peter was spinning around in the teacher’s chair while Y/n drew a forest scene. Peter watched them for a while, a small smile on his face. They were also so concentrated when they worked, their eyes narrowing and jaw tightening as they drew the different lines and curves that made up the masterpiece. Unbeknownst to Y/n, Peter had a surprise for them. 

“Hey, N/n?” Peter asked. All he got was a hum in response. He rolled his eyes. “Come here.”

Y/n sighed and got off of the stool that they had been sitting on. “What do you want, Pete?” they asked as they strolled over, leaning over the desk when they got close enough. In response, Peter held up a small, wrapped up bundle. Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed as they picked it up. 

“What-”

“Shhhh!” Peter said with a soft giggle. “Just open it.”

Y/n narrowed their eyes at him before slowly tearing the paper away. They smiled softly as they stared at the multipack of dry erase markers, enough colors to make practically any drawing that happened to cross their mind. 

“Why?”

“A simple thank you would have sufficed. It’s an appreciation gift for all of your art. I figured by now you’ve probably killed most of the markers in the school, so I got you some new ones.”

Y/n chuckled a little and looked at him. “Thank you.”

“Of course. You deserve it.”

“I literally just make colored lines one a board.”

“And I appreciate those colored lines! They give me serotonin as do you.”

“I give you serotonin?”

“Yes.”

Y/n blinked in surprise. “Alright then...you also give me serotonin.”

“Really? Awesome.”

They both laughed for a moment, Y/n glancing back down at the markers as Peter continued to look at them.  

“Hey, Pete?” Y/n asked as they looked back up at him. “What?”

“Would you...would you like to continue to provide me with serotonin and go out with me?”

Peter’s eyes widened in surprise, but soon it was his smile that was widening instead. 

“Absolutely.”

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Tagging:  @tommysparker @bebbeb @stixnstripesworld @orowit @dreamerinthesun @ididntseeurbag @bruhelpimgay @yikes-n-bikes @becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot @thespydersargon @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @th0ttie4tommy

tua s1 rewatch with my roommate

episode one (I forgot for the first episode oops):

I have been treated to pictures of a lovely cosplay of Klaus who won a cosplay contest my roommate was in !!

Klaus putting his arm in front of Five during the funeral fight is good shit

“I have heard like nothing about Vanya” “yeah that’s pretty much how she’s treated in show as well”

“I can see why he’s the fandom favorite” - about Klaus

“Istanbul is in the firST EPISODE?”

I forGOT about the “rapists can climb” line when he breaks into Vanya’s apartment omg but also like,, his dumb arm wound

Episode two:

HERR CARLSON

Aww baby fives first time travel his little smile. Baby. Baby boy. And the dawning horror in the apocalypse baby nO

Five: you got anything stronger

Also five: takes one sip and then fills up more, takes another sip, and then immediately puts it down ?????

The motel dude for hazel and cha cha just looks at them like “yeah these are serial killers” and just rolls with it

Also actually why tf doesn’t the commission spring for better stuff?? Why would they cut costs?? They time travel? They could game the stock market so hard ?????? Give the assassins their own rooms omg

Also why didn’t five like. Crush his tracker. Why did he just leave it whole and intact outside of the Griddys.

Forgot how much I love Agnes

(Oh man it is storming bad here it just BOOMED)

Also idk if Diego actually deserved that taser hmmmmm but also like,, communication lads five was literally right there killing people and Diego is like “hmm something is up here” like. Yeah Diego ur big brother “I can get my sibling in trouble for something” senses are tingling

Wow I really did repress all these Allison and Luther scenes huh. Also it’s still super cute that Allison read Claire moon books

Allison: dads heart gave out, which wasn’t how I was expecting to find out dad had a heart but it tracks

“SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE BEN... said with love 😘”

Did five actually sleep at Vanyas?? The sofa looks undisturbed but he had to wait for work hours to interrogate the meritech people,, five,, please sleep. The whole “IF YOU CALL ME YOUNG MAN ONE MORE TIME” interaction makes more sense with five on. Zero sleep.

I didn’t remember that Patch straight up knows about the umbrella academy oops. Like she clocks Diego as overcompensating for his childhood. Queen

Is that an umbrella adademy Diego cross stitch on Diego’s wall?? Did he buy that? Make it?? Did grace make it?

Vanya, walking into the academy: five??? five? pspspspspsps

Also like. Who was Vanyas therapist??? Clearly they did not help her

Aww the tow truck driver :(

I know the show wants me to dislike Patrick I KNOW,, and I think her fathers funeral is extenuating circumstance?? But still Patrick is valid for not giving an inch regarding his ex who mind controlled his child. Vanya didn’t really deserve Allison snapping at her but like. She had some good points. Allison arguably would have had to deal with vanyas book more than anyone else

Five smiling proudly at Klaus’s drama at meritech bless but also KLAUS DONT BREAK GLASS ON YOURSELF

Me, spotting Leonard: BASTARD

Love how everyone greets Diego in the gym and don’t question all his knives or anything like “yeah that’s Diego he lives here and loves knives :)”

Why could Leonard have not been like. A normal ass guy. Vanya needs friends who sympathize with her holy shit get this person some socialization

Pogo really did have to lead these kids by hand to the recording rooms because literally no one was super invested in reginalds ~murder mystery~

ahafahJAGSJWGAI MY ROOMMATE JUST SAID POGO IS THE BEST CHARACTER SO FAR,,,, I will probably never include pogo in my fics because I do Not Care About Him lmaoooo

Aww five does to see Dolores and being like “it’s been a rough couple of days :(“,,,,, baby,,,, but also tag yourself I’m hazel going “elastic wrist splint yesssssss”

Five I am begging you PLEASE get some sleep

OH FIVE SHAKING DIEGO IN THE APOCALYPSE TO TRY AND WAKE HIM UP OHHHHH OH :(

Episode 3:

my roommate is super faceblind which is an issue bc she identifies people mainly by hairstyle so seeing the s2 stuff on tumblr is tripping her over bc she keeps seeing diego and going ??? who is that again? bc she’s seen his longer hair

okay there is no way that the eggs that grace put in that pan are the ones that ended up on the smiley face breakfast plate,,, but also grace that whole scene was a mood honestly i would be like “okay maybe mom killed dad BUT he deserved it sooooo”

“what the FUCK” - my roommate about cha-cha’s shitty wound care where she holds a curling iron against her arm

i didn’t remember that five got shOT AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE did i just erase that from my memory?? i mean yeah it’s a graze but he stitches it up and then slaps a bandaid on it so he has a wound that needed stitches on his shoulder for the entire show ??????? is he okay???? that would make moving your arm,,, painful,,,,,

a bandaid just slapped over it i’m actively yelling

“Sometimes when I see a million gifs of a show before I watch I get really surprised when they talk but he is exactly what I expected” - my roommate, about five

“I noticed they’ve only really showed diego in really badly lit scenes so far” - my roommate defending her lack of ability to recognize diego

i’m still laughing about pogo literally having to point out the murder tapes and now allison and luther are investigating and just. allison is lowkey defending grace and i’m laughing

“why is he saying woodwork is embarrassing that’s like one of the most middle of the wood hobbies to have. you’re respectable to grandpas who used to carve wooden ducks AND twenty-year-olds who can’t make anything to save their lives” - my roommate on leonard peabody

“i think he’s already crossing some lines he’s met this lady ONCE” - roommate on leonard/vanya

five having flashbacks in the car :(

did allison and luther draw straws for who went to fetch which sibling?? allison was like “dibs on vanya” and luther was just like “aww :(”

five luther and klaus in the van - BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT let’s go pick up diego

“the coat he’s wearing does have a nice swish to it” - roommate about klaus’s coat

luther being like “you’re just as messed up as the rest of us and we’re all you have” like luther,,, baby,,,,, you literally ARE all he has,,,,,, his family is the only thing he’s really cared about since he was thirteen and maybe before then :(

“I can’t tell if those are supposed to be cake or yeast donuts... i think extruded donuts are cake donuts but she said she lets them rise so maybe they’re yeast?” - my roommate focusing on all the things that i do not

sometimes i forget that hazel and cha-cha pretended to be private detectives trying to find a lost child in a potentially dangerous situation,,, five would be disgusted

“she shouldn’t get a vote” “i was gonna say i agree with you” “she should get a vote!!” this is peak sibling energy honestly i think i’ve had that exact interaction with my siblings voting for a movie or something

“hashtag android rights” 

“I want to be the tailor who gets a call one day that says ‘i want you to make clothes for a chimpanzee”

is it telling that only luther in the flashback didn’t really talk to grace at all,, i mean five didn’t either but i think he was gone by that point in the flashback ???? 

wait diego tells grace that she worked for him for thirty years,,, the kids are 29 and later it’s implied she was built bc vanya kept killing nannies when they were like four but maybe s2 clarifies that some more?? or diego just is rounding up

“that’s an interesting fabric to her skirt” - my roommate about grace’s outfit

forgot that hazel and cha cha broke the door to the manor busting in,, do they ever fix that?? we’re only at episode three do they spend the rest of the season with their door open to anyone on the streets

okay that bathtub is WAY too small to allow for klaus to be moving his elbows about like that underwater smh

“how is HE useful on mission??” my roommate about klaus

where is the SECURITY SYSTEM??? luther LITERALLY said that reggie was more paranoid and yet some assassin can just bust down the door and have unrestricted access????? he built a whole ROBOT but no security system????????

“maybe it was like,, practice for the kids? someone breaks in and they take care of it? wait no that doesn’t explain the thirteen years they’ve been gone?”

“why WAS he on the moon?” - about luther

“I want to see what she’s embroidering!!” about grace during the gunfight in the living room she’s absolutely ignoring diego getting shot at

what is a rope-a-dope,,,, diego yells “EVER HEARD OF A ROPE-A-DOPE???” at luther but like. no i haven’t. what does that MEAN diego

aww i forgot they played sinnerman, love that song

“what are you doing dude, rumor has it you’re not shooting at me that’s all you need to do” i mean. the roommate is not wrong. allison could just end the fight with a yell. i understand she’s pissed off and has rumor trauma but like cha cha is actively trying to murder them

how is luther not winning he literally has super strength. does hazel have super strength? just punch the man and knock him out jesus y’all suck at this smh

why is there such intense music we all been knew about luther’s strength - oH HIS BODY

forgot about that

is it allison’s fault that klaus got kidnapped because she didn’t literally just rumor them to give up?? like she literally has that power. she could have been like “i heard a rumor you left and forgot about us” it didn’t even need to be violent?? i understand she has rumor trauma but this i feel is allowable circumstances

diego showing his worry about vanya by getting angry which honestly i think all the siblings do that rip none of these idiots have even heard of healthy communication in their LIVES

you know,, i don’t think vanya can drive. she takes the bus. she took a taxi to leonard’s house. we see her walking a lot. does she know how to drive?? i imagine that the umbrella academy were taught bc of mission related stuff but,,, vanya wasn’t?? that’s just depressing tbh

Harry and Y/n take a road trip.

Y/N IS A DARK SKINNED BLACK WOMEN. If you have a problem don't read it then. This has smut and Y/n is top energy (dominate over Harry.)

Y/n and her friends had been planning this road road trip all year! They were planning on going from Michigan to Florida to Texas to California. Everyone was excited to be going on this trip with their friends considering that they have seen each other recently since school, but it was Summer break and they always spent their summers together and this summer they were going on a road trip together

Y/n walked outside of her house seeing her boyfriend Kevin putting stuff in the trunk. Luke in the backseats of the car with Neik. Luke and neik weren’t dating but you could tell they were in love with one another. Harry and Lauren making out on the front of his car. She scrunched her nose at the eighth of them stuffing there tongues down each other’s throats.

“Ya know when I introduced you to my neighbor Harry. I didn’t think you were gonna treat him like a pudding cup.” Y/n said to her friend Lauren. Lauren pulled away from Harry’s mouth.

“Well, when you became my best friend. I didn’t plan on you fucking my brother every Tuesday but yet you do. So we are even.” Lauren responded. Y/n laughed

“You’re right. But Harry if you ever need help because you can’t breathe because all of her tongues being shoved down her throat. I’m right next door just throw a rock at my window I’d save you.” She said as she placed his shoulder. He laughed

“Okay everyone let’s get on the road!!

They were all driving. Harry behind Kevin. Harry was having a hard time keeping up with Kevin. So we pulled over. Because Lauren was probably distracting Harry because they both act like they can’t keep their hands off each other for one second. So there they all were on the side of the road debating who’s gonna switch with Lauren.

“Okay. So Neik can you switch with Lauren?”

“No me and Luke have been watching movies and I rather not leave because well Luke has the movies and this car has WiFi.” She said as she got back into the backseat of the car.

“I’m with Neik,” Luke said following her into the car.

“Okay how about I’d switch with Lauren. And you Lauren can sit up here with her brother.” Y/n said, referring to Kevin. Lauren and Kevin are twins brother and sister.

“But Baby I will miss you,” Kevin said as he kissed her cheek. She smiled

“It’s fine babe. I can make sure Harry doesn’t get lost and you can keep your sister from distracting Harry and besides Harry's mouth needs a break. So c’mon harry!” She said as she grabbed Harry’s hand. Leading him back to the car.

“Be kind to my Harry!” Lauren yelled.

//

Y/n and Harry’ drove quietly. Y/n Looked over at him.

“Harry tell me how’s life?” As she turned over and looked at him.

“Ya know, just living life.

“Do you still draw pictures?”

“Of course I do, Lauren hates it tho. She says I spend too much time drawing and not with her.” He said with a sigh.

“I understand, Kevin never lets me do anything if he doesn’t know where I am he goes crazy. Because his last girlfriend cheated.” She said,

“But your art is way too beautiful to stop. When I use to come over before you started dating Lauren. I love seeing all your art around.” He quickly glanced at her with a smile.

“I have my sketchbook maybe you can look at it later if you want.”

“I’d love too.” She responded.

They enjoyed each other’s company. Y/n asking stupid pointless questions. Him laughing at all of her stupid questions.

“Would you rather kick the feet of a barefoot homeless man orrr ...” she paused as she thought about the next thing she was gonna say.

“Or kiss Kevin.”

“I rather kiss my girlfriend's brother.”

“Hmm, good choice Kevin is a pretty decent kisser.”

“Pretty decent ?” he questioned

“Idk he does this thing where his tongue stabs mine. It’s weird.” Harry burst into laughter.

“And it is better if we didn’t have to sneak around all the time.”

“Sneak?”

“His parents don’t know we are dating and we’ve dating each for 3 years.” She said as she looked out the window. Kevin still stayed with his parents so whenever Y/n went over she had to say she was over to see Lauren.

“Why is that?”

“Well because I’m black and he’s white.” She said sadly. “I don’t know sometimes it feels like he’s ashamed of me..” She whispered quietly but since no music was playing Harry heard her clearly. Harry's face scrunched up. His hand tightens on the wheel.

“What does he do?”

“He says stuff..like you should straighten your hair..or that you should stay out the sun you don’t wanna get too black.. it just always little things.” Now Harry was pissed.. how could he say those things to someone like Y/n. He thought she was amazing. Her skin tone was even more amazing.

“Y/n you really don’t deserve that asshole as a boyfriend. I never really was a big fan of his in the first place. He’s always so protective of you but to know that he’s saying those things to you. Just makes me want to punch him in the face.” Harry said, Y/n kinda smiled. It felt nice since Harry cared. Y/n and Harry use to be a lot closer before he started dating Lauren. Since Harry was her neighbor. They use to talk all the time especially since their bedroom windows were right across from each other. Harry used to have a huge crush on her. He still kinda does. But then Y/n sat him up with Lauren about 6months ago and him Lauren has been sat for about 4 months.

Y/n reached over and kissed his cheek.

“You’ve always been so sweet to me Harry.” Harry’s face immediately lit up red. She giggled “you’re so cute.”

They continued to enjoy each other’s company. Y/n ended up dosing off while Harry continued to drive. He didn’t use GPS he thought he’d follow Kevin. But he’s been following the wrong car the entire time. They’ve been driving for hours. He realized that they were supposed to stop in Georgia and he saw a sign that said, West Virginia. So he was lost.

Y/n woke up and looked over at Harry. It was now dark outside.. so she thought they were arriving at their first destination. She could tell by Harry’s facial expression that something was wrong. But her phone started to ring.

“Hey, guys where are you? We are in Georgia and we realized you guys were not behind us.” Kevin asked, y/n bit her lip.

“Yea me and Harry are lost,” she said, Kevin was about to lose it.

“How tf did you guys get lost?”

“I don’t know maybe all my talking.” She shrugged. She did really stress it too much. Kevin kept going on about how we need to use the GPS to drove to Georgia right now. Y/n sighed and looked at a tired driving Harry. “Look Harry’s been driving and he’s tired and I’m too scared to drive at night soo we are gonna find a rest stop to sleep and continue driving tomorrow.” She said firmly. Kevin wanted to drive to her but he didn’t know where they were. He didn’t like her solution but there is no way to change her mind.

“Fine. Just be safe baby. I love you.”

“Love you too bye.” She said as she hung up the phone.

“I’m sorry I got us lost,” he said as he took an exit for a rest stop or gas station.

“It’s fine I don’t mind. And I brought blankets and snacks in my backpack. So we could sleep in the back seat of your car.” Harry’s face got red immediately. Sleep in the back seat with Y/n? The thought was making him blush like crazy.

“You’re blushing? You don’t have to sleep in the back with me if you don’t wanna..”

“No! No!! I want to.” He said eagerly. She laughed. They pulled up to the rest station. Y/n climbed into the back seat of Harry’s truck and Harry got out the car and went into the back.

“I only have one blanket. Hope you don’t mind sharing.” She said as she opens her book bag pulling out the blanket she got closer to Harry as she put the blanket over them.

“No, I don’t mind.” Harry looked over at her skin as out the blanket over them. He noticed that she was wearing a bra. He saw her collar bone. He wanted to kiss it so badly. He had a thing for collar bone and her brown skin.

“You’re skin is so beautiful.” He blurted out. Shit. He didn’t mean to say that.

“Thank you, Harry. You’re very beautiful.” He blushed and mumbled a thank you. They continued to talk and She pulled out a few snacks and a bag of chips and a bottle of liquor.

“I brought this to celebrate our first stop but now it’s just me and you. So I’m gonna drink some. Do you want some?” Harry shrugged and she opens the bottle with pop and took a swig right out the bottle handing it to Harry. He did the same. They drunk it until half of the bottle was gone. Harry didn’t really feel much of the liquor but Y/n on the other hand who was a major lightweight she was definitely feeling it. She laughing at everything Harry said.

“Have you had too much to drink?” He asked as he laughed at her. Y/n laid her back against the car door and laid her legs across Harry’s lap. Her longs legs were laying across him. Harry grabbed her feet with his hand. Not bothering to answer his questions.

“Wow, you made yourself comfortable. What if I hated feet?” He said as he swung her feet back and forth. She giggled.

“Well if you do hate feet. You’re the one who grabbed it with your hand. Soo you must have some kind of feet fetish.” She laughed and he rolled his eyes.

“Well, I guess you gave pretty nice feet.”

“Okay, Harry lets play 20 questions!” She said cheerfully as she sat up in her knees. Her faces close to Harry’s. Harry bit his lip and nodded.wheneve he thought about this game. It always leads to sexual things. But Y/n knew what she doing. Harry just always looked so good. In his tank tops and all his tattoos showing. She saw him staring at her. She knew Harry wanted her and her also. She shouldn’t because well she had a boy and He has a girlfriend. But no one ever treated her how Harry did and she wanted him so bad. She’s wanted him for years.

“Favorite tv show?” He asked

“That’s hard I watch a lot of tv. Probably the office.”

“What’s your favorite movie?” She asked,

“Probably.. die hard.” Y/n laughed at his response.

“Diehard? So you're a tough guy.”

He gave her a side smile. “I try to be.”

“What about you? What’s your favorite movie?” He asked

“If I tell you. You’re gonna laugh at me.”

“I’m not I promise.”

“It’s 50 shades of grey.” She said, looking at him right in the eye. Harry face lit up red again.

“I actually never saw that movie... but I know what happens.” He says, he looked down at his hands. Y/n always knew Harry was shy. But he was so cute it was fun to embarrass him.

“Yea it’s a lot of fucking in that movie. But I enjoy it.” He didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He was a little nervous. ‘What is this girl doing to me?’ He thought time himself.

“Do you like sex, Harry?”

“Y-yes.” He answered a bit nervous. She pouted out her bottom lip. Harry didn’t even look up at her. She placed her hand under his chin and turned his face towards her.

“Am I making you nervous?” She asked. If Harry's face got any redder it was going to explode. “If you wanna stop playing this game. We could.”

“No, not at all. We could keep going.”

“Well, aren’t you gonna ask me a question?” She said as her face got closer to his. Harry had to take control he wanted to do this. He wants her so badly for so long.

“What turns you on?” He asked,

“Tattoos.” She whispered. Knowing he had tattoos all over him. Kevin didn’t have any. So she had to be talking about him.

“I have tattoos.” He said, she smiled and looked down at his arm. Her finger started to trace the tattoos on his arms. His other arms have the most tattoos. She crawled over his lap. Now straddling him. Harry's breath hitched he didn’t know what to do or what to say. Her fingers tracing up his other are to his collar bone.

“You turn me on.” He said. She smiled in response.

“Do I?” She said as she kissed his cheek. And his other cheek. Harry was getting hard. He knew she could feel it.

“If you want me to stop. Say stop.” She whispered. But he didn’t want her to stop he’s dreamt of this moment since he met her. She continued to kiss the corner of his mouth followed by the other corner. She kissed his lips as soon as her lips touched his. He took his hands and placed them on her hips. His lips moving against hers eagerly wanting to put his tongue in her mouth. She parted her lips slightly for his tongue and Harry didn’t waste any time sliding his tongue in her mouth. She started to grind her hips on his dick. He let out a little moan. She couldn’t help but smile at how excited he was.

“I’ve wanted you since the day I met you.” She moved to the side of him. She took off her tank top and her and her shorts and her panties. Harry followed suit. Taking off his joggers and his take top. Y/n got on her knees with her ass in the air. Her head down by Harry’s lap she hooked her fingers around the band of her briefs pulling them down till his cock popped out smacking against his stomach. Harry was in disbelief about how she looked. She placed her hand on his dick stroking it softly and she kissed the tip of his dick. Harry thought he was gonna cum any moment but he held it back as he watched her intensely. She looked at him through the corner of her eye as she started to stroke him faster. He threw his head back in pleasure. She slid his tip in her mouth and swirled her tongue all around it.

“Fuckk Y/n. Please stop being a tease.” She didn’t respond she just decided to deep throat him instead. She shoved all of his big cock down her throat. Harry continued to moan her name. As she started bobbing her head up and down and using her hand to jack him off. The sloppy noises and the moans she let out we’re getting him closer and closer.

“Fuck Y/n. I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum.” He moaned out. She didn’t stop though. She kept sucking and shoving all of his dick deep inside of her mouth. She pulled away from his dick and continued to jack him off.

“Come for me, baby. Cum right In my mouth.” She said and she licked up the shaft of his dick and putting the tip of his big juicing cock right back in her mouth. Harry couldn’t take it he tried to hold back he felt as if he was cumming to quickly but she so good at this. He ejected into her mouth and she swallowed every bit of him. She pulled away still jacking him off. She looked over at Harry who head was against the seat he looked exhausted. The pleasure of cumming and her still rubbing his cock was too much. He couldn’t even talk. She leaned up against his ear.

“We aren’t done yet, baby. I want you deep inside of this pussy baby.” She said and kissed his ear lobe. Then she straddled his lap and position his dick at the right at her entrance and she slowly let herself down. Both of the moaning loudly. Harry was exhausted but yet he was still hard and she felt so good around him. He placed his hand on her hips. She bounced up and down on his cock. He got so so good inside her. Kevin wasn’t nearly as big as Harry was and Kevin never gave her an orgasm (Kevin was the only guy she’s been with.) this was a whole new world for her.

“Do you like me bouncing up and down on your dick baby?” She asked Harry was too focused on her boobs bouncing up and down in front of him and the contrast of her dark skin bouncing on his white cock.

“I asked you a question.” She said, she grabbed his chin making him look her in the eye. The bossy ness was turning him on more and more. He loved her dominance. He loved to see her take control. He nodded his “yes, I love it.”

“Good boy.” She said and she started to bounce faster and faster. He lost it when she said that he had to cum again.

“I’m gonna cum.” He mumbled. Y/n was on the pill so she had nothing to worry about.

“Cum baby. I’m close too.” She said she bounced faster. Feeling close to her climax. She let out a loud moan as she road Harry as she slowed down at the height of her climax. Harry came inside of her. He laid there unable to move. Y/n got his lap back to sitting at her side. Her tired too. But the orgasm feeling was amazing.

“Did you like that?” She asked Harry could barely keep his eyes open. He looked at her. That was the first time he ever came back to back.

“You’re so fucking amazing.” He said well more of a mumble.

“So are you.” Maybe she should tell him. He gave her his first orgasm but she didn’t. She helped Harry pulled up Harry’s briefs and took a deep breath laying her head on his shoulder. They both laid their weeks until both of them fell asleep.

Y/n woke up dressed in her clothes. With the blanket over her. Laying in the back seat of Harry’s truck. Harry in the driver seat. Driving. She sat up. Immediately regretting it. She was hungover. She closed her eyes. Realizing it was too bright outside. She placed her hand on her head. Followed by a groan.

“Rise and shine sleepyhead,” Harry said, the thought of last night still gracing his memory. His dick still limp and tired from last night.

“Ugh, Harry. How much did I drink last night?”

“Well, considering you were lightweight. You drank probably 1/4 of the bottle and you were drunk off your ass.” He said with a laugh. She tried to think of last night. Memories of her and Harry. She sucked his dick and rode him. Her eyes grew wide she made eye contact with Harry through his rearview mirror. They both know what she was thinking.

“I had my first orgasm last night.” She said lowly. Harry's eyes grew wide. “We had sex... I’m sorry. I’m soo sorry. I get really horny when I drink. We were both drunk-.”

“I wasn’t drunk. I was basically sober.”

“Harry we can't tell anyone. This is our secret. We can’t tell anyone.”

“Y/n can we just talk about it first?”

“No Harry there isn’t anything to talk about nothing happened.”

“Y/n.”

“No.”

They sat the rest of the ride in silence. Awkward silence. Both of them having the best sex they did ever. Harry who crush on Y/n seems to go bigger and Y/n wanted Harry way more. It was her first orgasm and she wanted him against and again. But Y/n refused to talk to him. Once they arrived at the gas station the other guys were at. Y/n quickly got out of the car and was greeted quickly by Kevin with his mouth. She didn’t kiss back she just kissed him slightly. Harry watched as he got out of the car. His jaw tensing up. But he could tell that she wasn’t really interested in kissing him. But his thought was interrupted by Lauren jumping on him kissing him deeply.

“Aww, baby I missed you soo much. “ She said as she kissed all over and around his face. He had to figure out how to talk to Y/n alone.

Y/n looked over at him while Lauren was kissing all over him. She rolled her eyes and looked back at Kevin who was lecturing her about getting lost. She sighed. Why didn’t she feel bad for cheating on him? Why does she want to do it again? She feels worse for Lauren than she does him. But her body was craving Harry and Harry was craving her.

“Okay Lovers!! Enough kissing. We need to get going so we could go camping in Miami!” Luke yelled. Everyone got in there cars this time Lauren, Y/n, and Niek in one car and all the boys in another car. Harry and Y/n both thinking about each other for the rest of the ride. Neither of them knowing what to do.

Hi! ✨ idk if requests are open but if they are: joker is hurt real badly at work and his composure slips the closer he gets to the apartment. you hurry to stitch him up/calm him down but what he’s not telling you is he’s SO upset cuz he saw a woman who reminded him of you getting attacked in the street tonight + he realized he really doesn’t wanna lose you

Omgggg I’m so excited to write this one, as soon as I saw it I knew what to write! I truly believe that Joker would love you even harder than Arthur did, he’d basically be Arthur x 1000000 with you, and an event like this would hammer it all home for him. As such, I’ve done my best to not make this out of character - if I have, please let me know so I can re-write! @rebs-doom and I discussed this a little so I took inspiration from there. Please check out her blog if you have the time to, her writing is just incredible and I love her so much!!!!!

Okay so TW; blood mentions, injured!Joker, reader stitches him up, angst (but also fluff bc I refuse to hurt our boi), Joker dissociates, pain induced confessions which aren’t actually confessions because he doesn’t say anything? That sounded weird but if you read it you’ll know what I’m talking about. Also swearing, obviously. And I have no medical knowledge whatsoever but I don’t care. So please forgive any inaccuracies!

Arthur Fleck/Joker:  @writings-of-a-gen-z @x-avantgarde-x @mapreza1 @insomniabird @mavalenovaninagavi @itwasrealenough @morrisonmercurymalek  @rand0ms-fand0ms @rafaelina-casillas @aclownthing @rebs-doom @vivft @help-i-am-obssessed @autumnaffection @taintednihilist @vladtoly @mg-woolf99 @misstgrey92 @that-s-life @dopey-girl-blogs @seeking-dreamland @sweetheart-syndrome @heartxfdesire @xmusichealsthesoulx @0callmejude0 @the-one-that-likes-riddles @hannibalsslut @folliaght @freeeshavacadoo @bingewatchingmylifegoby @unlovedbyeveryoneandeverything @okamiredfoxx @sp0okysp0oky @the-pandorabox

Word count: 2, 718

Your relaxed plans for the evening were immediately cancelled when Joker almost fell through the front door. He slammed it shut, and you stood up in a panic. There were riots all over the news, talks of gunshots from unknown locations, talks of people getting beaten up and trampled over, the city was on fire yet again and you wondered how long it would be before Joker was able to get proper control over his newfound calling in life.

Your eyes roamed over his form and your heart stopped dead when you saw that, even with his makeup flaking and his skin coming through, he was pale. He was as white as a sheet and clutching his arm. There was blood splattered all over his once yellow waistcoat and you were grateful in that moment that his suit was mostly red; it would make hiding the stains so much easier. You could see straight away that most of the blood on him was his.

You fought back the sudden intense wave of nausea and hurried over to Joker, wrapping a guiding arm around him and leading him over to the sofa. You sat him down gently, quietly, and watched him for just a second. He wasn’t looking at you. No, he was looking through you. His eyes were glazed over with pain, emotionally and physically, his skin still had that ghostly pale pallor, and he was shaking like a leaf. His bottom lip was trembling and you could see how hard he was fighting himself. What the actual fuck had happened to him? Gone was the confident Joker you were used to. In his place was Arthur Fleck, and it broke your heart to see him in so much pain.

Hurriedly did you gather all the supplies from the bathroom that you would need. You didn’t know yet what kind of an injury he had obtained on his arm, but based on his physical signs of his distress and all that blood, it was bad. Knowing from experience that when Joker dissociated, you weren’t even going to be able to ask him to move or to help you, you tenderly removed his jacket, wincing to yourself when his facial expression showed no change but his eyes, oh his eyes were overflowed with tears, which steadily dripped down his face, removing the makeup which stubbornly clung to his skin. He looked a complete mess. Even his vibrant green hair was deflated and sticking to his skin, which had a light sheen of sweat on it. You had never seen him like this and you found yourself wishing that this was all just a nightmare. A really real nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. You forced yourself to concentrate, to think. Now wasn’t the time for you to tap out of reality, either.

As his jacket slid off his body, the rich material getting stuck to the place where the blood was the worst, you gasped in horror. He had been grazed by a bullet or something similar, and the wound was leaking blood at an alarming rate. Could someone bleed out from an arm injury? You thought so, but you weren’t entirely sure. You had no medical knowledge at all beyond the most basic first aid. Quickly did you check the sight for any bullet. Nothing. It was a clean wound in that respect, at least. Still, it would leave a massive scar. Joker had always cared little for how his body looked and though his mind was riddled with scars which had never properly healed, his body was, at least on the surface, completely unblemished at the present time. He hadn’t taken a beating in months, for which you were immensely grateful. You had been happy when he had finally decided to start standing up for himself.

Your first priority was to clean the wound, and then you could bandage it. After that, you could focus on your true problem: getting Joker out of his own head and back with you. You had pulled him out of dissociation numerous times with some difficulty, but you had never seen him this bad, even when he was Arthur. Something had scared him, really scared him, and for Joker that was unprecedented; so laid back he was almost horizontal was he. While you worked, you spoke to him. You kept your voice low and calm, your tone as soothing as you could despite how much you wanted to break down and cry. You stroked his damp, matted hair, kissed his forehead, and you kept talking to him. You made him as aware as you could that you were there with him, that you were real, and that you were taking good care of him. He was safe with you.

When at last his wound was clean and bandaged, and you had cleared away the towels and the flannel you had used, and everything looked like before he had come home, you worked on undressing him. Joker would need to be as comfortable as possible in his body, even with the amount of pain he was in, before you could draw him out of himself. If he came to with something still remaining of the evening’s events, he would stay inside his own head. It was a delicate procedure and you didn’t even know if you were doing any of this right, but you had to try. You just had to try. Joker would appreciate your efforts more than anything else.

You left him shirtless but pulled up those electric blue trousers that were almost comically baggy up his legs. You brushed his hair gently and kept kissing parts of his face, his neck. You washed his face with a flannel using hot soapy water. You were so, so gentle and so tender and you were still feeling beside yourself with how his tears kept flowing, his bottom lip kept trembling, and still he didn’t talk. He only blinked occasionally and kept breathing at a regular rate. His heart rate was fine, too. Physically, Joker would heal.

Mentally?

You had to find out what had happened first. The question was - how? With patience and persistence, was the whispered answer. You shoved it away.

You sat beside him on the sofa, your entire body turned towards him. You were watching his every move, his every breath. You were waiting for a chance to get him back home to you.

You waited for maybe another half an hour before Joker blinked once, twice, three times, four and - a deep breath which moved his entire body. There he was. At last. Tears began to pour faster down his face and you leaned forward and kissed his forehead, holding your lips there as you just breathed him in. You were so heavily relieved that your heart was pounding.

A broken sob. You pulled away from him and pressed your lips together to keep yourself from crying. It didn’t work. Your tears mingled with his as they rained down upon his lap, so close together were you and he.

“Arthur?” You smiled gently at him, your eyes holding his. You only ever called him that when you needed to comfort him, when it was imperative that he knew how safe he was. You saved it for the occasions in which you needed his true name, and as such the effect was almost immediate as the familiar name sunk deep inside his ears, touching his brain gently. You followed his gaze every time he looked away from you, and he blinked again. A slow, careful hand came up and into the air as he reached towards you. You stayed so still, refusing to even breathe, and as his hand touched your face, he gasped lightly and wrenched his hand back.

“Y- Y/N. Are you real?”

You smiled, crying just as hard as he was. “Yes. I’m here, darling. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”

Joker bowed his head and leaned forward so that he could rest his forehead against your shoulder. He cried noisily, like a small child, and you wrapped your arms around him and just held him. You held him tightly, rubbing his back, kissing the top of his head, your stomach and mind sick with worry as that familiar question kept circling around and around in your head like a destructive hurricane:

What the fuck happened tonight?

Slowly did a hand leave Joker’s lap and come up to touch your face. He was checking to see if you were real and it only added to your distress. You didn’t know how much more you could take of this tonight, so mentally taxed were you. His hand followed the curve of your cheek and you pressed a kiss to your palm. His bloodshot green eyes met yours and your heart shattered all over again when tears continued to fall. That question was still in your head, and now it was on the very tip of your tongue. You couldn’t speak. The answer to your very significant question was written all over his face. It was in his eyes and all at once the horrifying truth slammed into you like a truck. It left you breathless and now your fear was his fear. You had always suffered together as a couple, and just because he was Joker now, that didn’t make it any less true. You felt each other’s emotions like they were your own.

You saw the blood on his clothes, which were now in the bath soaking in cold water. You saw the haunted expression on his face when he had crashed through the door. You felt the way he was still gripping you to him, even now, like he was protecting you from an invisible danger. Pieces of the devastating puzzle all clicked into place and at last, at last, you understood.

Someone who looked like you had been attacked tonight. Joker had seen it and it had distracted him in his overwhelming fear, which had resulted in his injury. His physical injury, a bullet graze, was nothing compared to the eternal mental anguish if he were to ever lose you. Only then, should such a thing ever happen, would Arthur Fleck truly go off the rails.

If such a thing were possible, your every emotion in this moment increased. The room became so much brighter, poorly illuminated though it was with lamps which desperately needed a bulb change but you couldn’t afford it right now, your heart began to roar through your head as though your blood was singing its way around your body, your grip around Joker and his around you grew tighter, until it felt as though you would become one physical body. Everything became clearer, more succinct. Mental clarity came to you and you saw Arthur Fleck. Just like you always had and you always would. Gotham had forgotten about him, it had cruelly abandoned him to a life of abuse of the worst kinds, given him back to his abusive mother and more, but you had never thought him invisible or unimportant. No. Since the day you had met had Arthur been a prominent figure in your life. That would never change.

Joker had found his own truth this night. He had always known just how deeply his love ran for you. He had always known how devoted and loyal he was to you, how much you meant to him and how much he didn’t want to lose you. But now, tonight, when he had seen someone who looked just like you getting violently attacked and lost in the crowd, he had come to know his truth. It had shocked him right down to his core, which was still kind and good and soft, and it had made him retreat inside his own damaged mind; his perceived reality was once more scarier than the infamous and familiar demons in his own head.

He was so fucking terrified of losing you that the mere thought of it had sent him spiralling into a dissociative state that you nearly hadn’t been able to pull him out of. A tsunami of love crashed over you, drowning your shores, and you were lost as your grip on what you had thought to be real faltered. You were the luckiest person on the entire fucking planet and you knew it.

Joker’s palm was still on your cheek, warming you from the outside. He still felt hazy, like he was watching himself through a television screen, but he was coherent enough to be able to see the exact moment you figured him out. His mind was so complex even he didn’t understand it, never mind the supposed professionals he had always been made to see (and a fat lot of good they were) but you had taken the time to try, and you had come to see him. You always did, in the end, no matter how long it took. Your innate understanding of Arthur had always meant the absolute world to him, and he had always made the effort to use his own intuition to see you just as clearly. It was one of your many strengths as a couple. Your continued joint willingness to try was one of your favourite things about your relationship. Anything could happen when you just tried.

Slowly did he lean in to press his lips to yours. Bare faced, his hair slicked back and his eyes shining with a galaxy that, even with its immeasurable size couldn’t quite quantify his love for you, he looked like Arthur. He was Arthur and sometimes you had to take care to remind yourself of the fact that no matter what, Arthur was still himself at his core. He hadn’t changed his truest, most genuine self. He had only grown into it, succumbed to it. You kissed him gently, trying to comfort him without words. Touch was the best way to affirm that you weren’t a delusion, that you were real and he was real and that you were in love and together.

“I was so scared,” He whispered against your lips, tears running anew down both of your faces. “I had to come home as quickly as I could just to see. If I lost you, I’d die - “ His hands, shaking, cupped your face as he fought with himself for control. You were both fine. His injury would heal and in the morning this would all seem like a bad dream, but in the moment he could only let himself feel with the liberation that Joker embodied. 

He was exhausted and you could see it. With steady motions did you stand up, taking Joker with you. You didn’t let your skin leave his for even a second. You took him to the bedroom and the two of you got comfortable in the bed. The mattress protested, the springs creaked and bounced back into place as you moved, but for once your economical situation didn’t even occur to you. You didn’t give a flying fuck about anything but Joker right now. He laid facing you, his legs tucked up so he was in the foetal position. His arms were wrapped around your waist and his face was buried in your stomach as he allowed himself to cry it all out. Crying really did make people feel better. It restored the chemicals in the brain which were unbalanced. It left people tired, though, and you were really tired too, so taking him to bed had been your only option. You weren’t physically strong enough to move him to the bed if he fell asleep on you.

You held him, there was nothing you could do or say to assuage his very real and palpable fear that either of you could one day lose the other from a reason entirely out of your control, and pressed kisses to whichever parts of him you could reach. You remained quiet, letting him express himself, and when he was finally done sobbing, you wiped his tears away and kissed him as tenderly as you could, biting back your own emotions as you had been since he had come home.

Only when Joker was definitely asleep did you allow yourself the luxury of crying. 

I’m actually crying now. Someone send help.

EDIT: PART TWO

Episode 26: The One where the Rain is Actually the Fandom’s Endless Tears

We start off the episode with the awful reminder that su she exists; it’s terrible, we all hate it

Lwj is the one who reminds us, which makes it both better and worse

At least lwj is looking nice in his pale blue robes

Non-wangxian nonsense happens

Brief moment to admire jc’s fashion 

More non-wangxian stuff happens

Ooooh, now we get to watch jin zixun be an asshole again, but with the bonus of having a little bit of wangxiantics!!

Jz goes to our lan bros and starts talking to them

(how dare he be anywhere near their presence?? YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS HANGUANG-JUN, YOU ASSHOLE)

He tells lxc to take a shot with him even tho everyone and their mother knows lans don’t drink alcohol

Alcohol is Forbidden

But there he goes, peer pressuring the heck out of lxc, like, oh, if you don’t take a shot it’ll be an insult to me and my clan blah blah

And everyone agrees with him?? For some reason??? As if forcing someone everyone knows doesn’t imbibe into taking a shot isn’t rude af??? FUCK YOU JZ

Lxc capitulates way too easily imo and takes the shot

Lwj watches this go down out of the corner of his eye, and when lxc drinks, his eyes flick away (as if ashamed? Disappointed? Idk, but it wasn’t a positive feeling i know i was definitely disappointed)

Then jz goes and does the same to lwj

It’s awful but LET’S TAKE A MOMENT TO ADMIRE LWJ

LWJ looks at the offered drink just long enough to make sure EVERYONE KNOWS HE KNOWS IT’S THERE

AND THEN RETURNS TO GAZING STEADILY FORWARD

like, yes, i’m ignoring you aND I WANT YOU TO KNOW IT

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG-JUN!!!!!!

And just before this becomes a diplomatic incident, we see a hand reach out and take the shot glass from jz!

Wwx: i’ll drink for him. Is that okay?” 

And he downs the shot before anyone can say anything (showing off the lovely expanse of his neck and we all appreciate that or at least I do)!!! He even flips the shot glass upside down to show that he emptied it completely!!!

WWX PULLED AN LWJ-MOVE AND SWOOPED IN TO SAVE HIS SOULMATE FROM HAVING TO SACRIFICE HIS PERSONAL IDEALS

THAT’S ~TRUE LOVE~ BABY

And lwj’s expression, omg. I can’t even describe it?? Awed gratitude bc of the rescue?? Stunned attraction bc of seeing wwx expose his neck so indecently?? I’m totally not projecting that last part, maybe, i think

For real tho, it looks like lwj was walloped with the strength of his love for wwx

As if seeing wwx do that for him gave him an abrupt reminder of how overpoweringly in love he is with him

It’s beautiful

Now there’s a jz vs. wwx showdown

It’s super stressful and Important to the Plot

So we’re glossing over most of it!!

But let's MARVEL how wwx totally owns the jin clan

Jz: you really think you’re so invincible you can overturn the heavens?

Wwx: are you comparing yourself to the heavens? With all due respect, you have a really thick face

Lol, “with all due respect” = 0 respect. Jz you deserve ZERO RESPECT YOU ASSHOLE

Wwx is putting these gold-robed bastards on the spot and it’s AAMAAAAZZING

Wwx: do you think that now that the Evil Wens are gone, the Jin clan should naturally take over? So that everything should be given to you and everyone should follow your orders??

I LOVE MY BOY. LOOK AT MY SUNSHINE BOY BURN THE FUCK OUT THESE DOUCHEBAGS

HE’S ALL “WHY ARE YOU BOOING ME?? I’M RIGHT”

BECAUSE HE IS. HE IS RIGHT.

Lwj says his name worriedly here; he knows wwx is getting himself into some deep trouble here

More Plotty Confrontation happens…

And then wwx loses his patience, and gets ready to draw his demon flute

Everyone in the banquet hall jumps to their feet and readies their swords bc they are scared shitless. Wwx doesn’t even acknowledge them. His focus is all on jz

Wwx: if i kill you today, won’t it be justified by your standards?

(for the viewers keeping track at home, that brings the score to wwx = 3, jin clan = 0)

LOOK AT MY BOY GO

Lwj: Wei Ying!

Lwj calls him practically in a panic

I mean, he only says his name slightly more forcefully than usual, but in lwj-speak that means PANIC

Ahhhh, i LOVE this next line. It's a great line. I mean, it’s an absolute terrible line for wwx’s future wellbeing, BUT STILL

Wwx: if I, wei wuxian, want to kill someone, who can stop me? Who dares to stop me?

HE IS FURIOUS

RESENTMENT IS FLARING EVERYWHERE

Lwj: wei ying, put down the demon flute!!

He’s so worried for his soulmate!!!!

wwx starts a countdown to get the info he wants

🎶IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN~!🎶 Sorry sorry, not appropriate but i’m stressed, LET ME HAVE THIS

Wwx: everyone knows i’m not patient. You have until the count of three…

He makes it to two until jz gives in and finally finally tells wwx the info he’s looking for (aka where the wen labor camp is)

Wwx: why didn’t you say so earlier?

Lol, he says it all calm and easy and leaves the banquet hall with a confident swagger (which brings the final score to wwx = 5, jin clan = 0 AND THE CROWD GOES WILD, AHHHHH!!)

BUT you can see on his face that he knows how badly he handled this situation

He knows he’s just screwed himself over

Depressing Plot Things happen

So lets see lwj defend his soulmate to make us feel better!

Jgy: wwx is too impulsive. How could he say such things in front of the gentries

He says that to lxc, trying to turn him against wwx!! That scummy bastard!!!

Lwj: isn’t what he said right?

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG-JUN

Jgy: well, yeah, i guess, but he can’t just say that to everyone’s faces!!

Lxc: wwx’s temperament has changed a lot recently

LXC I AM ASHAMED TO KNOW YOU. YOU GIVE IN LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL. GROW A SPINE (i still love you tho)

Lwj bows to lxc right after that and lxc dismisses him from the banquet hall with a sad smile

Lxc: go and do your best

BC HE KNOWS HIS LITTLE BROTHER

HE KNOWS HOW MUCH LWJ LOVES WWX AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO PROTECT HIM

MORE DEPRESSING PLOT THINGS HAPPEN

Like, Super Depressing

Like, “violating Geneva Conventions” Depressing

It’s really really awful

Because now we’re at a labor camp

We get to see wq lose her mind as she finds her little brother’s body

AND BECAUSE I VALUE MY SANITY WE’RE NOT GONNA GO INTO THAT ANY MORE 

I HATE THIS. I HATE THIS SO MUCH

THEY DIDN’T DESERVE THIS

THEY’RE GOOD PEOPLE. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO THEM

*SOBBING*

WEN NING STILL HAD THE PROTECTIVE CHARM WWX GAVE HIM IN HIS HAAAANDDD

WHY IS EVERYTHING TERRIBLE ALL THE TIME

We do get a badass scene where wwx STEADILY WALKS BACK THROUGH THE CAMP PLAYING HIS DEMON FLUTE TO CONFRONT THE JIN GUARDS

CALMLY CONTROLLING ALL THAT RESENTFUL ENERGY THAT’S JUST POURING OFF OF HIM

The jin guards are begging for their lives and still have the gall to lie about killing their prisoners??

“Do you really think I can’t tell that you’re lying?”

Wwx is so angry here, he isn’t even raising his voice

Some idiot here has the nerve to remind wwx that his clan and their clan are allies

And wwx’s all “bold of you to assume i care about clan politics”

Throughout it all we see resentment curling and misting around his shoulders

God damn, it looks so cool

“Since you won’t admit to it, i’ll let wen ning point it out himself”

AND THE GHOST GENERAL MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE IN HISTORY BY SLAMMING INTO THE SCENE LIKE A BOSS

LOOK AT MY DARLING ZOMBIE BOY GO, TOSSING THOSE JIN BASTARDS AROUND LIKE NOTHING

Stuff happens and those jin guards make a run for it

Outside the camp we see lwj walking with his umbrella in the rain and he knocks one of the jin bastards back with his sheathed bichen and demands to know what happened

While he’s getting the rundown, wwx gathers up the wen prisoners and mounts them on horses to flee

THERE’S NO TURNING BACK FROM HERE

OH GOD MY HEART

They’re riding off and SUDDENLY WE SEE THEM RUN INTO LWJ

LWJ WHO IS STANDING THERE ALL ALONE IN THE RAIN WITH HIS UMBRELLA

AS ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING MOURNFULLY IN THE BACKGROUND

SHOW WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, WHY DO YOU HURT ME THIS WAY

Oh god, the way the camera travels from an overhead view downward to slowly reveal lwj’s face under that frankly beautiful umbrella

MY HEART MY HEART

HIS FACE, LOOK AT HIS FACE AS HE LOOKS AT WWX AND THE PRISONERS HE RESCUED

HE WANTS SO DESPERATELY TO SAVE WWX FROM WHATEVER IS COMING NEXT BC HE KNOWS IT’S NOT GONNA BE GOOD

BUT HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO HERE???

This shot is beautiful in a heart-rending way

Wwx on his black, agitated horse, soaked to the bone, restlessly moving and placed farther away from the audience

And lwj, practically glowing in his pale blue robes under his pale umbrella, standing still and strong as a statue, placed much closer to the audience

Wwx: lan zhan, are you here to stop me?

Lwj: wei ying, where are you going?

Wwx: i have no idea but the world is wide. There must be a place for us.

“US,” HE SAID “US”

WWX HAS ALREADY CHOSEN HIS SIDE.

HE’S FOREVER WITH THE WEN REMNANTS NOW

MY SUNSHINE BOY IS TOO GOOD FOR HIS OWN GOOD

OH GOD WHY

Lwj: you need to think again. If you do this, it will be considered a rebellion against the orthodoxy with no way back.

LWJ CAN’T SAY WHAT HE MEANS. JUST SAY THAT YOU’RE WORRIED FOR HIS SAFETY, DAMN IT.

HE KNOWS HE’S LOSING WWX AND HE’S TERRIFIED

HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Wwx: a rebellion against orthodoxy? What kind of orthodoxy is that?

Wwx: lan zhan, do you still remember that promise we made together?

THIS IS WHERE THE EPISODE ENDS

I AM DROWNING IN MY TEARS

MY HEART IS SHATTERED ON THE FLOOR

LWJ WAS TEARY-EYED THROUGHOUT THAT ENCOUNTER

HIS WORLD IS FALLING APART

AND WWX IS DOING WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT

BUT YOU CAN SEE HOW SCARED HE IS OF WHAT HE IS DOING

BC DOING THE RIGHT THING IS NOT ALWAYS EASY AND SOMETIMES IT’S DOWNRIGHT TERRIFYING

I HATE THIS SHOW

STOP MAKING ME FEEL SO MUCH!!!

Return to Masterpost

Alrighty. Time to type up my surgery and recovery experience. 

When I got my pacemaker two years ago, I spent a year (almost exactly) drawing a comic called Change of Pace, which helped me kinda process what happened to me. You can read the comic here if you’re interested. It’s largely all true, aside from the love story part. Tsk.

I don’t think I’m going to be drawing out this experience. It was completely different. I’ve been expecting a surgery of this nature since I was nineteen, when I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. So, in a way, this stint in the hospital was harder, more personal. The pacemaker was an emergency. The colon resection was some time coming. Not as much trauma, really. Not as much confusion about what was happening and why. But I still feel like telling the story, purging it from my mind. 

I was scheduled for surgery on Monday, the 18th of November. I took off work that Friday so I could have my pre-op bloodwork done and I also took off Sunday so I could start the colon prep. If you don’t know what a colon prep is, God bless you. You basically drink a crap ton (lol) of laxative and spend all night pooping until you poop clear. The easiest version is the Miralax version. If you have to have a colonoscopy, ask for the Miralax. I promise, you don’t want the Go-Lightly.

The day before prep, my friend took me climbing in Memphis to keep my mind off of things. We also went to IKEA. It was helpfully distracting. I had Swedish meatballs. 

I was meant to “technically” start the prep at midnight Saturday by not eating anything until surgery on Monday. Beginning to drink the Miralax sometime around noon on Sunday. I didn’t get that far. 

I got righteously sick Saturday night. My back was killing me and I was very nauseous and dizzy. I knew what was going on even before I started throwing up. I had a bowel obstruction. The second one in my life. I’d had one once before in March and jeeze. It hurt like a son of a bitch. I’m not sure if every bowel obstruction feels the same way, but mine certainly did. If you find yourself having these symptoms, please go to the ER. Bowel obstructions are no joke. You can go septic, which is incredibly dangerous. 

Nausea, feeling like you’re going to pass out, vomiting bile, severely upset stomach, cold sweats, and my back was aching something awful. I assume it was because my stomach was cramping so badly, my back muscles were spasming.  

I live with my mother. Have done since I’ve been getting sick so regularly. I woke her up and she took me to the hospital. 

The first time I had a bowel obstruction, I thought something was wrong with my heart. (The cold sweats, the nausea.) They rushed me to the back immediately. This time, I knew it was an obstruction, not my heart, and I said as much. They don’t tend to be in as much of a hurry when you don’t mention your heart. Didn’t realize that. I’m also not entirely sure they were convinced I did have a bowel obstruction. I’m sure plenty of people walk into an ER saying random stuff for random reasons, but yeah. I was very slowly processed. I remember them taking my blood pressure and because it wasn’t high at all, I imagine they thought I was full of shit. Figuratively, not literally. Because I was, literally. Whatever. 

My blood pressure normally runs very low. I can also take a lot of pain, because I’m on a first name basis with pain. They didn’t take my pain seriously because my blood pressure wasn’t high, I guess. Not my fault I’m a badass.

I sat in the waiting room until I started vomiting bile again. I also pooped all over myself in the processes. Which I didn’t think you could do if you were obstructed, but you live and you learn! 

That’s when they got in a hurry. I was making a huge mess. 

They got me a paper gown and I cleaned myself up as best as I could before the CAT scan, which proved I was, in fact, obstructed. 

So there I was, in the ER, very very early on the Sunday morning before my surgery Monday. I was admitted and my doctor contacted. Since the surgery was so close at hand, they agreed it was best to wait until the scheduled time to do the surgery. I’d stopped vomiting so there was no need for an NG tube this time. Those things suck.

Got admitted. Got a room. Tried to sleep. My surgeon came in and we talked. Got everything situated. At one point my mother told me there was a girl down the hall who’d just had a colon resection if I wanted to talk to her. She was sitting int he hallway with her sisters, eating her dinner. Poor thing had been in the hospital for almost a month. 

I spoke with her a bit. I’m not entirely sure what happened. Whether it was nerves or if I was hurting, but I almost passed out in the hallway. I hadn’t experienced anything of that nature since I had my pacemaker put in. The whole point of the pacemaker was to prevent me from passing out altogether. But I didn’t pass out so...I suppose that means it’s working?

I also pooped on myself that night while I slept. First time that’d ever happened. It was then I knew that I’d literally gone as long as I could before I needed surgery. I couldn’t wait any more. I’d been so stressed out over in the idea that I maybe didn’t need the surgery. That I was being pitiful and my case wasn’t that bad. I could tough it out if I really wanted. I realized what a dumbass I was for thinking those thoughts, but hindsight is 20/20. 

Monday dawned and surgery rolled around. Took forever. I was basically watching the clock tick the minutes by until transport fetched me. I was wheeled down to pre-op where they gave me a hair net. I don’t remember getting a hair net for the pacemaker surgery. 

I signed some paperwork and a lady told me she was going to get me ready. She said she was going to give me a nerve block in my stomach. I was like, “Cool, right on.” Until I saw the needle. 

Holy fuck. That needle. 

“You’re going to give me that when I’m asleep, right?”

“I’m going to give you some ‘I don’t care’ juice.” 

“Oh, thank God. I probably won’t remember this then.” 

“Probably not.” 

In went the ‘I don’t care’ juice. I got really dizzy. 

They swabbed my belly with iodine. 

They prepped the needle. 

I was still very much awake. 

I said, “Guys...” Because at this point there were several people standing over me. Like five. “...I’m still cognizant.” 

Yeah, I used the word cognizant. That’s how fucking cognizant I was. 

Not sure if they heard me. Or if they replied. I was really dizzy. 

In went the needle. 

And ow. OW. 

In went the needle again. One stick on each side of my belly. 

The ‘I don’t care’ juice must have been working in some way because while I remember the pain, I don’t remember the panic. I certainly would have panicked if I didn’t have that juice pumping through me. So that was a thing. 

I fell asleep soon thereafter. Couldn’t have been like...a minute earlier? Really? 

I remember waking up in recovery with the pacemaker. I remember the pressure, the nurse asking me questions. I remember being wheeled back to my room. I don’t remember jack shit about recovery after the colon resection. I don’t remember being wheeled back to my room. I apparently asked for my mom, but I don’t remember doing that either. 

I do remember, however, turning over on my side. Because ouch. But I did it anyway and kept doing it because I’m a determined asshole. Monday night was very hazy. I was high as fuck, probably. 

Tuesday: Not a good day. I was in a lot of pain. They gave me hydros, but the hydros weren’t touching it. Felt like I was taking Tylenol. And I have a very very VERY low tolerance for pain meds. They wouldn’t give me any morphine because my blood pressure was too low. (Again, badass?? Maybe?? IDK man my blood pressure just runs really low.) Which makes sense, because that’s dangerous, but I was in agony. I begged for morphine. I pleaded with the nurse to give me morphine. She would not. 

My mother got angry. I’m not one to complain. And my threshold for pain is admittedly pretty stout. I was hurting and no one was doing anything to help. My mother got ANGRY. 

I think they must’ve finally given me some morphine, but I don’t remember. Morphine also didn’t help. Didn’t even make a dent in the pain I was feeling. They kept giving me hydros every couple of hours to no avail. I remember I asked for a heating pad for my back. Barely. The nurse did give me one, but said I could only have it for an hour? Very fuzzy.

The tech forgot to...do something with my catheter because my urine got everywhere. The nurse that found me like that called the floor manager. I hated to, but I did report that my pain wasn’t kept in check. I was hurting so badly I actually reported one of the nurses. The one that wouldn’t give me morphine. I felt horrible about it, but I was also nearly in tears I hurt so bad. 

Hell, the pain was so intense at one point my mother called my family. Like, they thought something was wrong. Very very wrong. The doctor called for some kind of scan while I was in bed. They put a board behind my back. I was writhing, I remember. My family gathered in the hospital to see me in case I had to go back to surgery. In case I wasn’t going to do well. 

It was scary.

The next set of nurses figured out the problem when the scan revealed nothing out of the ordinary. My back was spasming. Horribly. When I sat up and they felt of me, they were shocked to find my back riddled with knots. It felt like knuckles underneath my skin. The new nurses got me some hella icy hot with pain killer and rubbed me down. 

It helped tremendously. My back stopped freaking out, which gave my abdominal muscles time to rest.

At last, I wasn’t hurting. At last, I slept. 

Wednesday and Thursday were spent trying to keep my back under control. At one point I vomited all over my bed due to acid reflux. I paged the nurse to ask for some acid reflux medicine and puked all over the place while I was on the call with her lol.

I never once had any issue with my incision. My entire trouble, the whole time, was from my back. And nausea. And lemme tell ya. Vomiting with a six inch incision on your abdomen? OW.

Getting up and walking? Easy enough. Getting up and going to the bathroom? No problem. Spongebath? Piece of cake. But God my back. 

I managed to poop for the doctors. Fantastic. 

And finally, finally, I got to have food. 

I went from about 5:00PM Saturday to 12:00PM Friday without having anything to eat or drink. I had an IV, and I could eat ice chips if I desperately needed to wet my mouth, but yeah. I hardly had any ice chips. Weird to imagine you can go that long without food and be alright. 

I proved I could eat GI soft food on Saturday and they let me go home.

Got my staples removed the following Tuesday. Had some steri strips applied. Just waiting for them to fall off on their own. 

And here I am. Just lounging, waiting to get my strength back. It’s much easier to draw after this surgery than the pacemaker one. Thank God. I’m slow moving and my stomach hurts a bit when my contents shift, but other than that I’m doing swimmingly. I can’t lift anything over ten pounds until the new year. Not sure when I’ll be able to drive, either. I’ll find out soon. 

This surgery was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Mentally and physically. Mentally because I’ve been struggling with Crohn’s since I was a teenager. I’m 32 now. Half my life I’ve been at war with my own body, drowning in the pain it leashes on itself. It’s been a long road. I hope this spells the end of it. Or at least, the rest of the journey is all downhill.

I’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’ll gain it back. Just takes time.

Can i request the promt? With erwin

19 21 30..... Idk how n why...its up to u :3 but i just want reader to end died HHAHAHAHAAHHAHA

Feel free to ignore this 😅

-💍 anon

Finally got around to answering it! It was kinda hard to figure out the direction to go with it. But here you go anon!

You Gave Your Heart!

I knelt on top of the wall looking over the area that was once Shiganshina, we made it through Wall Maria, Erwin comes up to me, and I smile, “We’re here...so close.” I sighed, he puts his arm around me and I‘m vividly reminded, this could very well be the end of us. I remembered the day he lost his arm, the day I thought I lost him. I grab his hand, “Erwin Smith.” I said, calm and at ease, but also worried, “I know I can’t command you-”

“Y/N, you can command anything of me.” He promised and I smiled, knowing him to be a man of his word.

“I don’t care what you have to do, you need to promise me you’ll come back to me. Alive.” I demanded and he kissed my forehead, “That’s not a promise.”

“Then here’s one. After this mission, you will be my wife. That I promise.” He whispered in my ear before ordering us to search the walls for Reiner and Berthold. I smiled and propelled down, searching the wall with the others as Eren sealed the first breach in Shiganshina. We found nothing, but Armin found an old campsite with evidence there were three people, who had some idea we were coming. So, Erwin gave him control, and under Armin's orders, we search all over the district again till Armin shot off an acoustic round and told us to search inside the Wallsan argument ensued but the resolution came with help from Erwin.

We looked and looked but found nothing till someone shouted they found the spot Armin talked of and was quickly slaughtered by Reiner. With quick movements Levi lunged for the kill, only managing to wound him, triggering his transformation to the armored titan. And with a thundering crash, the hole in wall maria was sealed by a bolder, launched by the beast titan.

“Looks like this isn’t just to retake Wall Maria, it’s a true fight for humanity. Erwin, got a plan?” I asked slightly nervously, I honestly thought Levi would have killed him, but I didn’t give Reiner enough credit to survive.

“Bait. Let them choose whether or not to go after Eren or kill us. That should at least limit our enemies.” I nodded and delivered the message, Eren jumped from the wall and shifted, steam gushed around as Eren ran back to the wall, his friends with him as Levi stayed with us.

"Levi, the beast titan is yours. You are the only one I trust to take him out. Y/N, join Levi’s squad. Your instincts and Armin’s mind, I trust you to help bring him down." Levi declared looking at the Titan. I grabbed his arm, “I remember my promise. Just know, it’s your promise too.”

“Yes, sir.” I jumped from the wall, swinging over to meet Armin as erne went toe to toe with the armored titan. We watched as I latched a spear to both my arms, “Take the eyes first."

"That's the idea." I nodded as Eren grappled Reiner and was thrown, Reiner pinned him as Eren rolled, "Now!" Hange shouted as she and Mikasa launched, driving the poles into Reiner’s eyes, the rest of us drove the weapons into the nape, moving out of the way as they blew the armor to bits. Reiner's body emerged from the Titan, head blown off and dead. I laughed, shearing a single tear, "YN?"

"We won. Maybe victory isn't that far off?" I missed as I kicked a pebble, but our victory was far off indeed, cause the Titan roared and shook the very building I stood on, "You have got to be fucking kidding?!"

"Above, the colossal is coming from above!" I gasped and ran, leaping in the air and swinging away from the impending explosion. But it never hit, I looked back and saw Bertholdt talking with Armin. All I could think was how easy it would be, to end the threat.

I launched the hooks and sped towards him, I could end it, we wouldn't have to worry about the Colossal, "YN No!" Bertholdt turned around and In a split second, I managed to cut his ear, but he blocked the second blade and kicked me off the roof as Mikasa came in for the kill he managed to fend her off. They back off as he ran, I pulled myself back up and sat beside them.

"Was...was that…"

"That was the real Bertholdt. The one we knew...that was a facade." I sighed, watching as he went up, "Shit, get down!" I shielded the two younger cadets as heat blasted from the transformation, before it could register, someone said it.

"Hange squad...they were right next to it…." It didn't sound right, I didn't want it to sound right, but...that was the truth.

"Captain." They looked at me and all I could see was the terror under that mask of courage and anger.

"As of now, he doesn't realize where we are right?" Armin nodded, "We use that to our advantage. From the looks of it, the Armored Titan is still out of commission. Which means, we only have one opponent for the time being."

"A battle of attrition is our only viable option, we cage him here in Shiganshina and regroup with the Commander, let him decide." Armin sighed as we watched the sea of fire grow.

"No." I decided.

"To be fair Hange placed Armin in-"

"She's right. That bastard can set anything in his reach alight. We'd be leading him to the horses and trapping everyone between the Beast Titan and him." Jean supported as I kept my eyes on Bertholdt.

"We stick to script. Wear him out, but keep him to the outer wall. Everyone on Eren, take us to the river and keep your heads down." I demanded Armin nods and looked down, "Armin, listen to me, I've known Erwin for years, I've followed his orders countless times and have come back alive each time, and because of that I trust his judgment. So if he thinks you can think of a way to do this, I trust you can too. Now, quit pouting and start plotting.

The Colossal kept inching his way towards the wall, getting closer and closer to Erwin. I growled as Jean spoke up, telling Eren to scream and draw him back in. But the son of a bitch ignored us.

"Rat bastard.  Eren, stop him, the rest of us jump ship. If these two get into it we're dead meat. Connie, your spear, I'm getting closer, we have to find a weakness to take him out now." We rushed him, Jean, Connie, and Sasha charged the front as me and Mikasa launched attacks from both sides. As we got closer a gush of hot steam blew us back, scalding and burning all of us.

"Damn it... Armin, tell me you've got something for this bastard." I begged as I stood, blood trickling down my cheek from landing against the roof. The kid stayed silent and I worried, 'Was he frozen? Are we putting this kid under too much pressure?' 

"Guys! Reiner's back up!" Jean shots and suddenly our one opponent became two. And I knew that some of us wouldn't make it.

'Its your promise too…' I looked to the wall, where just on the other side, Erwin was fighting to come back and make good on his promise to me. But now I might not be able to...cause I couldn't let these kids die. 

"He's thinner." Armin muttered, "I got it! Everyone, draw the armored titan away! Leave the Colossal to me and-"

"No! As of now I'm taking command. And this has nothing to do with your skills Armin, Jean. You two...you did well. But I'm pulling rank to make sure you see that world you've talked so much about…" I sighed as I stood, "Tell me the rest of your plan, Armin."

"C-Captian…" Armin stuttered before he nodded and quietly explained to me how exactly my life would end.

"Alright, kiddos...let me make this simple, under no circumstances am I to be made a titan, if I die so be it...there are so many others who are better suited for it." They saluted and I smiled, "Take care of Reiner but don't you dare die. And yes, that is an order." They took off as Armin went to wake Eren up and I took a breath as I came to terms with what my last act on this earth would be.

"Erwin… please forgive me…" I whispered and launched myself at the Colossal as Eren fell, that was the signal. I flew up into his face, "Armin, get outta here!" I shouted but all he did...was smile, "You goddamn brat!" I screamed as steam bellowed out. I burnt and I began to lose sight, but I managed to plant my foot into the cadet's side and kick him away as Bertholdt pushed more heat out.

I don't know when but I stopped feeling pain, and all I could picture was what the wedding could have been like, what the ocean looked like, and...what it would have been to be a mother.

“Captian!!” Armin screamed as your body fell from the sky. You were badly burnt, your once flawless skin was now scorched black in places and your uniform was burn scraps, but even though the burns, you were recognizable.

 Mikasa caught you and laid you gently on the roof of a house, “No, No! Please don’t...Captian, Y/N.”

“She’s...gone,” Eren whispered as they took in the brunt form of their captain, everyone gathered there as Eren held Berthold by his neck.

“She did it to save us...for us to see the ocean,” Armin told his friend, “She knew and she…”

“We’re going to end this. Now. For Y/N, for all of them.” Eren growled, tightening his grip on Betholdt’s throat as a shuddering cough came from your throat, “Captian!”

“Mikasa! Armin, get the serum!” They shared a pained look and Eren stared, “Now!”

“No.” Mikasa decided, “She gave us a direct order to stop anyone who tried to inject her.”

“I don’t care! She’s our friend-”

“That’s why I won’t let you disrespect her!” Armin shouted as he pulled Eren away, “She knew this was it, and decided to do it. To save us! Me! So no.”  Eren nodded and they knelt down, as Levi made it back, commander in tow.

Erwin took in the sight of you as Mikasa gave her report to Levi, who nodded and drug the other two away, “Levi-”

“No, Erwin. She already gave her wishes to the others. She said,  ‘under no circumstances’ that includes you ordering it.” The short captain left him alone with you, barely breathing.

“S-sorry…” You breathed as he took your hand.

“Reconsider.” He begged softly, “Please. Don’t leave me.”

“Watch...them…” You coughed, ”They...were...worth it.” He watched your chest relax and knew those were your last words, the last words of the woman to who he gave his soul too.

The funeral was just after the medal ceremony, where Erwin accepted yours posthumously. The few surviving scouts gathered as they paid respects to you, but slowly they left till it was just the remaining members of the 104th cadets, Levi, Hanji, Molbit, and Erwin.

“She told me to watch you, that dying for you was worth it. And after reading the reports...she was right, as always.” Erwin announced, “Armin, you and Levi fought to respect her wishes, to give the injection to someone else, that ended up being Molbit. For that, I must thank you.” He sighed as he hung the medal on the grave, “She gave her heart, will you give yours?” They answered with a salute to the headstone that marked your grave.

good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

Idk if you’re taking prompts now, but if you are, after seeing that campaigning for her cause gif set I just really felt for Scully. She can’t catch a damn break. It would be nice to see an instance where she just takes herself out and tries to destress herself apart from Mulder, partially to give him space, but also so she doesn’t blow up on him. If he finds her and she feels compelled to blow up on him, that’s up to you. But Scully deserves something nice!!!

After everything is over, after Doggett and Mulder are nearly caught at the census bureau, Scully takes Mulder home. It’s not what she’d particularly like to do, but she can’t do it anymore. She can’t play this game, this waiting game with Mulder; she can’t put herself or the baby in danger, she can’t watch him be reckless and run into danger and get himself killed all over again. She can’t take it. She is furious, and she’s not sure she can keep her temper through all of this, considering how the last few days have gone. The last thing she wants is to be away from him, after all this time, but she can’t lose him again. So she leaves him.

Parked on the curb, Mulder starts to get out of the car before looking back at her uncertainly. “Are you, uh…” he begins, motioning to his building.

She looks away from him, biting her lip to hold back the angry, hurt things she is thinking. “I’m going to go home and get some rest, Mulder,” she says quietly, defeated, and thinks of the baby.

There’s a silence before Mulder says, “Oh,” as if he didn’t expect this. (But how could he not have expected this? Is he conscious in any way of the way he’s been treating her?) “Oh, I… that’s a good idea, Scully.”

“You should get some rest, too,” she says. She can feel the baby turning over, and she puts a hand to her belly as if to soothe him. “Take some space for yourself, Mulder. You call me if you need anything.”

He doesn’t say anything to this, for such a long moment that she starts to be concerned. She turns to him just as he closes his door, just in time to see him turn and head into the building.

She sighs deeply. She wills herself not to cry. She doesn’t think she could take more crying. She rubs a hand over her abdomen soothingly and takes deep breaths until she feels sure she will not cry. She starts the car and pulls away from the curb. She drives all the way home, trying to convince herself that her hands are steady on the wheel.

—

She doesn’t talk to Mulder for three days.

It’s one of the hardest things she has ever done, not talking to him. It stings. She never thought she wouldn’t be talking to him, after getting him back. She’d thought that she’d be spending every day with him, that she’d take him home and he’d stay with her and be happy to see her and happy about the baby, and be every bit the way he was when she lost him. That they could both be happy together.

She feels foolish, now, to have believed that they could be happy. She feels so foolish. It kills her not to call him, not to see him, but she doesn’t know what else to do. None of this is happening the way it was supposed to. So she does not call him. She isn’t sure she has the strength to talk to him without putting all of the emotions she’s feeling on him, be it anger or horrible grief, and she can’t do that to him, so she doesn’t call him.

She forces herself to relax. To do all the things she should’ve been doing throughout her pregnancy instead of overexerting herself and putting herself in danger and being absolutely sick with grief. She reads the books her mom has lent her, she watches daytime television with an air of disgust, she naps for long hours in her sunlit bedroom. She orders take out and eats it on the couch, she flips through What To Expect When You’re Expecting, she takes polite phone calls from Skinner and Doggett and Frohike who call to check on her, how she is doing. She tries not to think about Mulder, despite the fact that she is wearing an old shirt of his half the time, or is wrapped in a blanket she’d taken from his couch, or is wearing his socks because her feet are swollen and usually cold and his are enormous. It’s horribly hard, but she tries not to think about him, except for when she is talking with Frohike and asks if he has talked to him.

Frohike pauses awkwardly on the other end before saying, “Yeah, we talked yesterday. He… I think he’s adjusting.”

“Adjusting,” she says softly, curling up as best she can in the corner of the couch. “That’s good.” As badly as she wants him here with her, it is comforting to know that he is out there, alive and okay, and to believe that he is using this time to get himself together, to try to heal. She isn’t sure if this is the reality of the situation, but she wants to believe it is. A few days ago, she was mad—mad at the way Mulder was treating her, at the fact that he clearly believed that she had gone and had a baby without her, at the way he seemed to disregard the fact that she had fucking buried him, at the sound of his voice as he said, Someone’s been doing a little campaigning for her cause—but now she just feels deflated. He doesn’t deserve her anger, and she doesn’t have the energy to hold onto it anymore. She just wants him back.

Frohike is awkward on the other end, silent and apologetic. He says he is sorry for the way things have gone down with Mulder, and she thanks him. She doesn’t know what else to do. She’s heard so many apologies by now. She thanks him for calling and hangs up, picks up her book and reopens it. She forces herself to keep reading, telling herself that he is okay, that he is adjusting and she will see him when he’s ready. She thinks of how much these last few days stung, everything he said, and tells herself that she’s right to give him space, to give herself space. That this will all blow over.

She hopes this will all blow over.

—

She takes a nap that afternoon on the couch, wrapped up in his Stonehenge sweatshirt. (He’d brought too many souvenirs home from England; he’d bought her a hat that read STONEHENGE ROCKS!!! She’d taken too many things from his apartment that she hadn’t returned; she’d anticipated having a chance to tell him about everything, the things she’d taken and how much she missed him and how much she’d wanted him to come home.) She takes a nap and wakes up foggy-minded and hungry, thinking of Mulder initially and flipping through the torrential catalog of the past few months before remembering that he is alive, he is okay and she’s giving him space to recover. She sighs, sitting up with some effort and groaning at further movement from the baby. She dimly decides to heat up some lasagna for dinner and heads into the kitchen. She’s gotten into the freezer and is rummaging for the single person lasagna at the back when she hears a knock at the door.

Halfway expecting it to be her mother, Scully smooths her rumpled hair and goes to the door. She’s not particularly in the mood to hear her mom’s questions about where Mulder is, but she opens the door anyway and finds Mulder on the other side. Mulder with rumpled hair and dark circles under his eyes and the same leather jacket from a few days ago. Her breath catches in her throat inadvertently, a hand to the baby.

“Um, hi,” Mulder says sheepishly, rocking back and forth on his feet.

She swallows hard. “Hi,” she says softly.

He rubs the back of his neck, looking down at their feet. “I, uh…” he begins gradually. “I was looking for my sweatshirt.” He lifts his head, motioning gingerly at her. “I guess I found it,” he adds, chuckling nervously.

“I’m sorry, Mulder,” she says immediately. The sleeves are too long, hanging over her hands, and she curls her fists around the edge. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to steal your sweatshirt. I just…” She bites her lip and looks at the ground. She doesn’t want to get emotional again. “You can have it back,” she says quickly, “if you’ll just… give me a minute…”

“No, no, Scully… you don’t have to…” he says, strained. “Y-you keep it, okay? I… I know how cold you get.”

She forces a small laugh, pretending his words don’t want to make her curl up in tears. “Thank you, Mulder,” she says. She meets his eyes, stepping aside. “Do… do you want to come in?”

He swallows. “Yeah. Yeah, that’d be…” He steps into the apartment, rubbing at the back of his neck as she closes the door. He reaches out, towards her shoulder, as if to touch her, but draws back at the last minute.

She balls and unballs her hands. The baby kicks; she chews at her lower lip. “What… can I do for you, Mulder?” She hates the informality of it all. She wants to go back to eight months ago, to when they were happy and together and everything was easy. She wants all of their lost time back.

Mulder sighs, his head hanging forward. He takes a deep, shaky breath before saying in a rush, “I haven’t heard from you.”

She looks at him in astonishment. She can feel her nose burning like she’s going to cry. “I… I wanted to give you some space, Mulder,” she murmurs. “I wanted to give both of us some space…”

“I know, but I…” He suddenly looks lost. Incredibly lost, standing in her front hall, his eyes wide, his skin pale. “I… thought I’d hear from you,” he says in a small voice.

A mixture of irritation and deep, deep sympathy fills her; she loves him so much, and she wants to go to him, but she makes herself stay where she is. “I can’t do everything, Mulder,” she says tightly, and pretends she doesn’t want to cry. “Not anymore.”

His jaw clenches, unclenches. “I know,” he says roughly. “I know, it’s just…” He stops again, a lengthy silence.

She shuts her eyes. She can feel the baby moving, as restless as ever, and it’s too much. “Just what, Mulder?” she asks in a quivering voice. “Just what?”

“Just…” he blurts, unsure of what to say. “Y-you’re wearing my sweatshirt, Scully.”

She balls her palm around the frayed hem of her sleeve. Goddamnit, she really is going to cry. “Do you want it back?” she whispers.

“No,” he says, his voice thick, and then he’s stepping close and wrapping her up in his arms. “No, I don’t want it back,” he whispers into her hair, and her eyes well up with tears. “You keep it, okay?”

“Mulder,” she whispers.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers back, and he sounds like he is crying, too. “I’m so sorry, Scully.”

She trembles in his arms, pressing her face to his chest. “I’m sorry, too,” she chokes out. “I… I didn’t expect things to go this way.”

“It's… it’s not your fault,” he says uncertainly. “It’s not. It's… it's… it’s going to be okay.”

She wipes her eyes with one hand, draws back and rises up awkwardly to kiss his forehead, a hand on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry,” he says again, and she shakes her head, leaning her forehead against his shoulder. He presses one hand against the back of her head, the other to the swell of her stomach.

“I missed you,” she breathes, and she thinks she is talking about these past three days as much as the past six months.

“You, too.” He kisses her forehead. The baby kicks at his hand, and she sniffles, holding him as tightly as she can. He leans down to kiss her mouth, and she quivers with the weight of it. He is finally here. She loves him so much.

“Do you, uh…” he begins uncertainly, wiping tears from her eyes. Wiping tears from his own. “Do you think… I could stay here for a little while?”

She nods. She nods without hesitation. She thinks that they both have a lot of healing to do, but she’d like to do it together.

Episode 12, Midnight Espionage

Okay, so first off, I will address dropping out from this for like five months. Uh, it happens…? Idk what ep I left off on typing up, but we’re gonna start back here for funsies. But I’m back!! With más reactiones! (Listen, u take Spanish for two years in high school and then. and then this happens.) So!! Episode 12!!

the whole plan,, is so goddamn smart. like how they talk throughout the ep is consistently considering all the angles, to steal the handwriting, to copy it, to do all this shit and,,, in any dnd campaign I’ve played all the people just want combat and it’s so nice to see dnd used in a ,,, varied environment i suppose? Idk I just love the (heh) espionage that goes down this ep, and it’s so goddamn cool.

another thing before the character breakdowns: the subtle,,, foreshadowing? That Marisha did w/o even thinking or knowing??? “We all think Matt’s managing three storylines but little known to us, he’s managing a fourth seCRET STORYLINE” and then shIT hits the FAN AT THE END OF THE EP and there’s,,, explosions and towers crumbling andAND AND PEOPLE. GETTING STRUCK BY L I GHTNING AND TURNED TO A SH. that,, was nice. everything went to shit but tbh I agree with Travis. “That went perfectly.” something is afoot my dudes…something is aFOOT.

okay so, we’ll start off w jester: fave moment was more a joint Nott and Jester moment. Nott asking Jester when they break into the attic if Jester wants to draw a mustache or a dick on the giant art piece…was priceless. I’ve mentioned that i really love their dynamic and that certainly holds true this time, and the jester is like… I think I studied this artist. And I?? Jester studied art?? I mean I used it makes sense but I,, can’t see Jester studying? Like I just don’t see it.

Speaking of Nott, the,, mage hand…mistake?? (Missed opportunity?) With the grappling hook and how upset she was like,, idk what that says about her and Caleb bc I almost get this vibe like she desperately needs to impress Caleb and always be as smart or only a little less smart than him bc she needs to prove to herself that she deserves his love and affection. And like that…really hit home. Very much so. The way she says, “I want to see you succeed,” really tells me that Nott feels like she needs to work to help Caleb not only because she loves him, but also because she might need to feel like she’s earning her place with him. And then after everything goes sideways, she still takes that moment to grab the scroll that Caleb wanted before leaving the High (Richter? Riktor?)’s home sort of cements that for me. ((okay, something else that fucking GOT ME. the whole hospital scene was a jam. a bop. Nott,, continually asking about doing this one plan and Caleb just,, keeps,, “No that sounds a little extreme” like…yeah. but the whole situation had gone extreme Caleb, or haven’t yOU NOTICED?? I just really love Nott and Caleb as a friendship. Like,, really badly. But also Nott hissing was fucking PRIME. the bEST. 111/10 you’re doing amazing sweetie.)) Also, Nott,,, is so funny. Like…the messages?? Every message she sends is,, the best. I think everyone absolutely knows they can respond to this message, but it reminds me of like those automatic email sign offs, and it’s just…great, it’s great okay, I have a terrible and easily pleased sense of humor and thIS PLEASES ME.

Speaking of the hospital scene, @Molly you know what you did. I am both disgusted…and very impressed. Good plan, terrible execution, it’s okay if you blame the dice. But Molly really goes that extra mile every time without it…striking me as a need to be extra? Like he does it, but it’s not for praise or good attention bc I feel like Molly almost…doesn’t care about that. It would be nice to see him get it, but I think Molly is so used to not receiving positive attention at all (take how the guard shooed him away when he has the little bus set up, take how suspicious the guards to the Trispire were and that’s just this ep) that it’s not an attention thing for it. And like…I don’t think it’s a fun thing either? He didn’t sound like he was having a good time cutting himself open or smashing through a window or acting possessed and like…in context (and out of it) it’s funny, but at the same time, Molly takes to it without he levity that would make him the comic relief. (That probably atm goes to Nott. Read: Sam.) Molly’s just…flashy? Without wanting the attention or having fun with it, he just is. Like…like he’s going through the motions of putting on a show without actually enjoying any aspect of it.

Whereas Jester absolutely enjoys putting on a show. She enjoys attention, she adores it, she has fun with it. Her and Molly are so similar in…genre (?)….but not in motive. Jester does things a certain way or does them at all purely bc they are fun. She enjoys playing dressup, she enjoys acting…she enjoys imagining things. (I almost wonder…if she didn’t imagine her mom?) It’s a really fun compare and contrast between her and Molly and I think they foil each other really well even without interacting that much.

You know who does interact with Jester a lot though? Beau. And while Beau doesn’t put on a show to be flashy or to have fun, I still feel like she is putting on some kind of show. Maybe not directly, but almost in a kind of…lie of omission way. Is an act of omission a thing? But anyways, it’s really interesting, Beau having secrets, Beau doing and saying true things, and pitting both of those things against each other. Beau is…almost her own foil, which is just weird but it really works for her. (10/10 moment: Beau trying not to bleed on a magical rug that is literally in fucking tatters.)

Which brings me to Fjord. Full disclosure, some of the spoilers I’ve seen for like eps 60-74 make me love him, even though atm Caleb is really stealing that cake, but what would have tipped me off is that when Caleb goes for the scroll in the High (Richter?)’s house, Fjord doesn’t hesitate the tiniest bit to threaten him. He threatens to dump (and HARM) Caleb, and by extension Nott, and he does it without any outer evidence of inner conflict which really…mhmMM is there inner conflict at all? Cue gif of there’s a lot to unpack here. It’s really interesting because he does this, but five minutes later Fjord shoves a health potion down Caleb’s throat and the words that stick with me are “We’re either a team or you’re working for yourselves. Decide.” because it’s so obvious that Fjord himself has decided that he’s a team. This is his team. He’s decided, he is invested in the Mighty Nein, not as individuals who are his friends, but as a group that’s HIS group. (Look at how the moment he escaped the hospital, he instantly turns around to help Molly.) Fjord believes in all them, together, in a way I don’t think anyone else quite does yet. It’s…a really really really good and fun thing to see, for sure.

Also the plot is so goddamn thick. Almost as thick as Molly’s cosplayed dick. (I really hope in EP 13 that comes back I wanna know.) And like,, the way Matt describes things, the fact that Marisha accidentally foreshadows the whole thing?? I am DYING to know what’s going on. Im so curious. Matt drags not opy the players (with characters who are invested) but he immediately drags the Audi in with him. I wanna know what’s up!! What the fuck!! What the hell!! What the HECKIN!! so.

im gonna go find out what the HECKIN, n I’m gonna start ep 13 despite the late hour. hopefully the next Critical Reaction won’t take, u know,,, five months. :) :) :)

yooo pls give me headcanons on five being an even younger child. unless you're saving them for fics ofc!!

Actual little kid Five or from the one fic idea I have where Five ends up being even younger than 13?? Regardless, I have a lot of thoughts so I’ll do both!

under the cut bc I can already tell this is gon get long

Actual baby Five - 

I already mentioned my headcanon that as a little kid when his powers were just manifesting, his powers sort of? Acted up just a little? Like he’d get little blue sparks playing across his hands constantly but without actually jumping. And, since touching the fabric of the universe is a bit tingly, Five would just chew on his hands to make the itchy feeling go away. 

Someone suggested mittens like the ones you give kids with chicken pox and I just about died so that’s 100% being added to my headcanons as well. And Five HATES those mittens with a passion and would have yelly screaming fits about them and just bash his mittened hands against the floor in outrage. Absolutely terrible.

Five could absolutely not control his powers at first. So he would just. Jump somewhere accidentally. Sometimes it was a kind of wishful thinking type thing like “hmm if i get up on the counter i can reach the cookie jar” and BAM suddenly Five is up on the counter. Other times it was more just “guess i’m gonna fall through the fabric of the universe and end up wherever lmao” and basically what I’m getting at is he gave everyone multiple heart attacks literally all the time

Sneezes. When Five sneezes he jumps by accident. Just ACHOO and a flash of blue light and he’s gone. Bye bye bitch. It’s involuntary and a nightmare when he gets sick.

Five was that little kid who LOVED to draw. Like he would just sit for hours with a crayon clenched in his chubby little baby fist drawing scribble monsters. Of course after a Certain Incident that included drawing on the walls Reginald Hargreeves banned drawing because it’s ‘childish’ or whatever. There’s a part of me that wants to say that after everything he picks up drawing again as something to occupy his hands that isn’t obsessively working and reworking equations

I’m going to go ahead and assign my own childhood bullshit to Five because why not so I headcanon that Five as a small child would DEMAND to be read to. At all hours. I’m talking literally attempting to pry the nannies eyes open and demanding that they ‘wead to [him]’ in the middle of the night. Most of the time he didn’t even actually care about being read to he just liked hearing someone talk so he was just as content just sitting with them while they chatted to someone else tbh (how did my parents not assassinate me as a kid smh)

and now i’m even sadder about him being alone in the apocalypse thanks

Would hide when he was upset. Also very good at hide and seek. Look this is a big ass house and Five can literally teleport out of a room and out from under watchful eyes I’m saying that he must have been the most stressful child in existence to watch over holy shit but yeah when upset crawls into some small space and hunkers down until he’s less upset. Start checking the cabinets you fools. Can and WILL fit into spots you think are too small for him to fit in. If there’s a larger space behind even he shouldn’t be able to squeeze in, he can jump in so don’t discount those as hiding places as well.

Cheated at tag. Cheated at tag so much. They literally have a special version of tag called ‘five tag’ designed specifically to handicap him because even when they ban using powers he still ends up being way too fucking good at tag like holy shit

okay this isn’t even much of a Five one but as little kids before Reggie decided to go on his “Vanya sucks” crusade they would team up against one another and Klaus was caught in the middle bc he was number four. Luther, Allison, and Diego would squad up (back before Luther and Diego were at each others throats I actually headcanon they were close before powers became a thing) and declare war on Five, Ben, and Vanya and then it became a game of trying to tempt Klaus onto a certain team. Klaus usually went with Five-Ben-Vanya but there were occasions that he was 100% a turncoat. Trust me I had an odd number of siblings this would have been a thing.

honestly though these nannies were dealing with seven kids under the age of four like god damn i have so much respect for them. That nursery must have been a fucking battle zone. There are no sides there is only survival. and these kids have SUPERPOWERS. Hell is empty and all the devils are looking at them with innocent eyes like the entire room isn’t completely trashed behind them. Where’s Five, kids? Where the fuck is your teleporting brother? Six put those tentacles away so help me god you will go straight into time out, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred. NUMBER ONE if you don’t put down that cabinet RIGHT NOW - 

Now i’m thinking about the first time Reginald dealt with one of the kids having a screaming meltdown in front of him. I feel like it would have gone very badly for the kid in question :(

and now for not quite a baby!Five

Extremely salty. Furious that he’s so small. Will stab you in the knees to make you get down to his level if you dare condescend to him. Probably stands on counters or tables when talking to his siblings, but has on at least one occasion hit his limit on jumps and been unable to get down without asking for help. Decides that he lives on the kitchen counter now because fuck that noise

Would rather die than be carried anywhere but if he’s the one to climb on someone then it’s okay. Prefers sitting on shoulders because a) taller, and b) they don’t have to hold him up and he can pretend that it’s entirely his decision

A sleepy bitch. Overuses his powers frequently getting to places he can’t easily reach anymore. Sleepy and grumpy. Doesn’t give two shits where he falls asleep and will sleep sprawled out across the floor, had been stepped on or had someone trip over him before and yet still refuses to stop. Honestly it’s a bit of a roulette whether he’ll wake up if they try to put him somewhere else, with just as much danger implied. Klaus produces traffic cones from god knows where and gleefully surrounds Five when he finds in which… is as good a solution as any tbh

His powers are still like,, almost on the fritz? Like when he was a little kid he couldn’t control them. He can now, but also they glitch out occasionally and his hands are all itchy again because they keep pushing at the boundary of the universe without him even thinking about it and it’s the most irritating thing in the world

His pain tolerance is back to being shit which he doesn’t appreciate. However everyone else freaks out way more than him when he accidentally slices his hand open trying to steal one of Diego’s knives, which was pretty funny

Claire comes over and immediately teams up with Five. No one saw it coming and everyone regrets it except for the tiny duo.

She asks him why he’s a kid if he’s her Uncle Five and he gives her the whole story about him growing old in the apocalypse and coming back etc. etc. and that he’s actually a grown up and he doesn’t think she’s going to understand but Claire just says “Oh, like Narnia?” and Five is like “EXACTLY LIKE NARNIA” and she is automatically his favorite

Claire literally tells Five point blank that he’s wasting his potential. How does Five not know all the tricks to being a brat and getting what you want? Puppy dog eyes first and progress into tantrums my friend. Look, Claire is Allison’s daughter and Allison was manipulative as fuck as a child and Claire has inherited at least some of that

Five’s eyes are fucking OPENED and everyone wishes they would be closed again. Five’s puppy eyes are surprisingly and devastatingly effective, especially when he tears up and lets his little lip wobble. Claire is so fucking proud of her protege

Claire rules the house with her tiny iron fist and Five readily follows her lead. Look, he never wanted to be the leader okay he was content to leave that to Luther and he’s equally happy now to leave it to Claire

The first time Patrick came to pick Claire up Five kicked him in the shins and ran off and Patrick was just very very confused about why Allison’s nephew (cover story, Klaus probably gets to pretend to be his dad again or something) has decided to hate him

Five still hides when he’s upset and now he’s tiny literally no one can find him. The first time it happens everyone freaks out and searches the entire house and after a few hours Grace just pops off and retrieves a now sleeping Five from like, the top shelf in the linen closet or something idk

On at least one occasion has had to be stopped from eating some kind of insect or spider off the floor. It’s like owning a cat or something. For the most part they hate it but one of them (Klaus) has 100% pointed out one to Five like “GET IT” but honestly this could be a headcanon for any age Five

Service II (M)

pt 1

Summary: Issa smut with no plot - again, and B is a bit of a hoe, again. Genre: smut A/N: Not a smut writer (disclaimer). I lied guys. I said no pt2, and then you people got me thinking what the hell could I do to follow the 1st one up. And this came to life. Idk. Not edited - yet. Yeah this is r18+ stuff.

If it wouldn’t have been for that damned NDA Elyxion made you sign you would have blabbed your mouth to everyone within a 10-mile radius. Containing your excitement over the night you spent with EXO’s Byun Baekhyun was torture. You felt like you could burst anytime but then you reminded yourself you’d face legal violation of the contract. And you remember seeing what would happen if you’d break the NDA. Let’s just say you don’t have that kind of money.

It didn’t help that Baekhyun’s face was literally everywhere. His face on TV screens everywhere in Korea, his voice booming through the speakers in shops, and his posters plastered everywhere.

You can’t look at him. Can’t hear his voice. Don’t want to see him. Because all of it reminds you of his lips as he put them against you, those eyes that could freeze you in your spot, his voice as he groaned while fucking you deep inside-

“Are you sick?” Your colleague sitting opposite of you was watching you. Shit. Did you say anything allowed?

You try so hard not to eye-roll. “Nope. Fine.”

“You look a little hot. Are you having a fever or something?” You blinked and touched your cheeks to see if they were indeed hot. Stupid Byun Baekhyun. Stupid NDA. Stupid Elyxion. You were losing your mind. “Maybe you should ask to go home.”

Maybe you should stop bothering me. She has been after your job and you know it. “Maybe,” you ignore her for the rest of the day and went on with your paperwork.

Elyxion was a company of torture. You were sure of it. Who does that? Invite you to have sex with a celebrity, something everyone would say yes to right? And then have you act like it never happened. They’re cunning, you think. You can’t even reach out to said celebrity. He is unattainable and if millions of fans can’t even get in touch with him, how in the hell are you ever going to contact him? What would you even say?

Hello! This is the girl sent by Elyxion so you could fuck her. I had a good time! Want to grab coffee sometime?

That sounds ridiculous. Absolutely absurd and slightly psychotic. Maybe, just maybe, you were psychotic. You felt like a psycho. Obsessing over someone who could probably get a girl inside his bed with the snap of his fingers. You’d rather not think about him like that. But then again. How much do you know about him? Well, you have seen him naked and you know he is very good at-

Nope. Not the moment to act like a pervert.

But maybe... it wasn’t a bad idea to try to reach out to him. How big is the chance he’ll even read it? You open Instagram and immediately land on the trending page. Where yup you see his face. You curse and immediately swipe away and tick his name in. Then you start typing to him in DM’s.

Hey! This is the girl from...

You quickly delete the message... you can’t write that! Instead, you hope that by sending him one word will be enough.

Elyxion

Okay. This should do it, right? No one ever knows which celebrities use Elyxion’s services. 

After work, you carry your tired form to the nearest pub. You check your DM’s and open the one to Baekhyun. Nothing. He hasn’t even seen it and it’s already some hours ago. This was a dumb idea.

You order yourself a drink. Your mind drifts to the night you spent with Baekhyun and wonder about the drink he gave you. Its obviously impossible to ask him what that was but you can’t help but wonder.

The bartender slides you a drink and you look up to see him smile. Your heart skips a beat. “I... didn’t order this?” And you hold up your current drink, showing him you were still drinking.

“A gentleman ordered this for you.”

“What gentleman?”

“He left.” Baekhyun maybe? Elyxion? You shake the thought. It could actually be some creep. But why would he buy you a drink and leave?

“Did he say anything before he left?”

“Nope.” The bartender leaves to help another customer.

You stare at the glass. It looks exactly like whatever Baekhyun had given you that night. And when you take a sip...

It’s that drink again. Thick. Bitter-ish and that full flavor.

You look around but there is no one who could even remotely look like Baekhyun. You drown your own drink first, and then the one that this mystery person gave you. You twirl the ice inside the glass and it clinks against the glass like you remember so vividly from that night. You watch the ice move...

And that is when you see it.

On the bottom of the glass, you see a black hexagon with a drawing of a tree inside of it. That familiar Elyxion logo you found on the invitation. What the...

You look around once more and there is still no one who could even look like the handsome celebrity you are looking for. So you go outside - and god is it cold outside the wind feels almost like a storm. Scan the street for someone who could be Baekhyun. But once again. No one. Is this a game Elyxion is playing on you? 

Maybe it’s you. Maybe you just suck at finding him because mind you, you practically threw two drinks back on a half-empty stomach.

Your back hits the wall of the pub you were just in. You wrap your coat tighter around you and think to yourself it might be better to give up. Maybe you should just accept the fact that Elyxion and Baekhyun are going to hunt you forever. You let out a breath and watch fumes dance up to the sky.

The last thing you can come up with is that there is another self-driving fancy car waiting here for you. But even that isn’t here. What now? While scanning for the cars you start to notice something on a black hummer right in front of you.

Someone drew a tree on the fogged window. The Elyxion logo? Its nothing as artistic as the Elyxion logo but who in the world would draw a tree instead of something like a penis to be funny? You walk closer to the car and the door suddenly cracks opens. You open it enough to look inside and there he is...

The same Byun Baekhyun who you see on TV, on posters and what not. The same Byun Baekhyun who was wearing silk robes and fucked you so badly you can’t get him out of your head.

“Hi.” He looks up. Baekhyun is wearing a blue cap and a black hoodie that says Privé. You are just as baffled as the first time you saw him.

You can’t even reply.

He looks a little giddy but happy. “So... please get in.” He smiles. And you do.

You really don’t know what to say.

Luckily, Baekhyun does the talking. “It took me a little while to find you but errr... I wanted to say I’m not exactly the ‘I’m gone the next morning - bye’ kind of guy.”

You finally look at him. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

He looks nervous. Byun Baekhyun! Nervous! The guy who was so smooth and looked like he had his shit together was nervous. What a sight. Then again this is slightly awkward. “No.” He says firmly. “I was wondering... if you’d be in for a second round?”

Yes! Are you kidding me?! A million times yes! God! “Yeah.. yeah I’d be up for that.”

“Good,” the side of his mouth curls and he starts the engine. The drive is short and he pulls up in some, once again, impressive mansion-villa-palace-ish place.

He doesn’t get out when he turns the engine off. “First, I gotta make sure that you understand what this means. What we’re about to do is against Elyxion’s policy and we could face some trouble going against their rules.” You nodded along with every word. “Are you sure you still want to continue?” You nod once last time. And he looks pleased. “My girl.”

He leads you inside and your hands are itching. You want to touch him. Kiss him. Have him. But he takes it slow. Asking you if you want something to drink - yes you do because you’re so nervous - takes your coat. Sits you down. Chats to you a bit as if you were just a friend.

His house is beautiful. Well, you think it's his house. It is huge and there is a big picture of him and his members across the hall. You wonder if they live here too...

He hands you your drink and this time it is not the same. This is a fruity wine. Perfect for dessert. He leads you upstairs, where you get an answer to your question. Two tall guys you recognize as Sehun and Kai are standing in the doorway to someone’s room. They don’t look very happy.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Sehun curses and you quickly go from uncomfortable but okay toI’m-not-sure-if-I-should-be-here. Kai has his arms folded and there is a big frown on his face. Both guys ease up when they notice you and Baekhyun. “Hyung!”

“Hey, kids.” You internally laugh. You know Baekhyun is older because Kai and Sehun are often called Korea’s golden Maknae’s, but both men are a head taller than Baekhyun and look overall more mature. You are totally keeping that to yourself though.

“Tell Jongin he is an idiot. He is going to jeopardize this whole thing for us if he keeps you know up.” You’re pretty sure he called whatever you know is, you know because of you.

Jongin rolls his eyes. “Tell Sehun he should mind his own damn business.” 

“Kids,” Baekhyun coughs. “I’m a little... preoccupied?” He motions to you with his head. Then leads you away from the quarreling two. “Sorry about that.” He grins and you shake your head.

“It's okay. They seem nice.” You’re honestly joking. They look intimidating.

“Yeah? Maybe you can ask them to join.” He’s joking - you hope. 

His room is very different from the place you met him. That place felt like you landed in Castille de Versailles like a fantasy. His room is modern. Minimalistic. Yet very... Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun owns a piano... in his room and it is the most eye-catching thing in the room. Right after comes the various posters he has framed and sitting against the wall. “Do you play?”

You shake your head. But walk toward it anyway. “The only thing I can play is the first ten seconds of Linkin Park’s In The End.” This doesn’t seem to ring a bell for him.

“Can I play you something?” He puts his whiskey and your wine on the piano.

“Yes, of course.”

You watch his fingers dance on the keys. It’s a feel-good mellow song. This is great, you can admire his face without looking like a total creep. But then he starts singing. “Tonight, looking at the moon...”

Every breath is knocked out of you. He looks immersed into his own song and it is admirable to watch someone so passionate play. “Good?” He grins boyishly.

“Amazing...”

He hums, “Not the only thing I’m good at.”

“Show me what else you’re good at.” He raises his eyebrows playfully as to say ‘well, well, well aren’t you naughty?’

He removes his hoodie over his head, and you’re slightly disappointed when there is a white shirt underneath. You’re not sure what he is doing until he wraps the hoodie around you and pulls you closer by tugging the sleeves. 

His eyes run over your face, and you blink. The tension he is creating is too thick. When he finally puts his lips on yours, you might as well stop breathing. Your body turns hot when he gently slips his tongue into your mouth.

God is probably rooting for you because you’re making out with Byun Baekhyun. Again!

The kiss is outrageously dirty, it’s wetter than the first time you made out with him. It’s longer, there is more movement and he is definitely more handsy. His hand is on yours and pulls it to put it on his hard-on. He is still clothed but thinking about it… just…

You try to be bold, and use your thumb to put pressure. Baekhyun hisses and breaks the kiss momentarily to catch his breath, then continues kissing you on the lips.

Then you do it again, but this time with your entire hand and you can feel him shake in anticipation. Your other hand sneaks up under his shirt. You try to get a reaction out of him again, but this time there is no big reaction. So you break away from the kiss and use both hands to remove his shirt. Then, you remove yours. This time it's him who lies down on the stool and you manage to slip his jeans all the way to his knees. He is looking at you with anticipation and he slides his own boxers out, watching your eyes watching him. His member springs free.

“Will you help me out here?” He asks slyly and you nod. You lean over and wrap one hand around his member like he grabs one fistful of your hair. You start at his tip. Pecking it teasingly with your lips and you can tell how much it affects him by the way he hisses. Your mouth is slightly dirty with his precum and you lick it up. “Fuck that’s hot.”

Your confidence shoots through the roof as the Byun Baekhyun says he thinks what you’re doing is hot. Your hand starts pumping him up and down while your other is rubbing his leg. Then you take his tip into your mouth, giving it some pressure by sucking on it. Then slowly continue to take more into your mouth. He hisses and praises you. When you’re at the point of taking all of him in you think he might cum by the way he is pulling your head up and down and chanting your name.

That is... until there is a loud knock on the door.

A/N: Wasnt feeling sexy, definitely came thru.

2, 4, 5, 6, 10, 22, 35, 47, 48, 53, 54, 56, 64, 66, 74, 79, 80, 90, 91, 104, 111, 117, 130, 134, 153 (omg, this is the most questions i have ever sent to anyone... there were so many good ones tho!!! uhhh, definitely take your time with this one.... i mean, always take your time to answer, but ESPECIALLY this one. if there is anything u can’t or don’t want to answer dw!!! ; w ; )

2 What’s your dream pet(Real or not)? Ik these are super bad to haveas pets bc they’re not made to be pets but god I’d love a fennec fox. Ik I canget one legally in state but its very not good to have exotic pets like thatlol.

4 What was your favoritevideo game growing up? I didn’t start playing Pokemon until middle school (like whenever blackcame out) but in elementary school I loved playing nintendogs and Mario kart onmy ds!

5: What three things/peopledo you think of most each day? 1. “ugh I should just skip class today except I shouldn’t but thenagain-“ 2 ex friends unfortunately and 3. My current friends and how theyre doing today

6: If you had a warninglabel, what would yours say? “WARNING: Don’t piss off”

22 Pet peeves? God a lot…the ones I can thinkof off the top of my head are: people talking over each other/interrupting andpeople who park SUPER badly and thus affect the rest of the parking lot/garage.

35 Where would you like totravel and/or live? Somewhere mountainous with lots of trees! While I liked going to NY fora trip, I doubt id wanna live there. Also someplace not super conservativewould be nice too.

47 What is a sound youreally hate? Tbh any noise my brother makes. He transitions to different ones everyso often. Once he had a toy from burger king that was lisa from the simpsonsthat would say ‘we gotta save springfield!’ and he knew it annoyed me and mybrother so hed hit the button over and over. He likes finding out what noisespiss us off the most and does it until he moves onto the next one. Also there’sa kit kat commercial on tv rn I loathe bc of the song on it idk! I hate it!

48 A sound you really love? Rain, cat noises, tbh most noisesfrom nature

53 How are you feeling rightnow? Tired haha

54: What color would youlike your hair to be right now? Anything pastel tbh!

56 Something that calms youdown? Fireball (my cat)or writing/drawing

64 Favorite animal(s): can’t answer this one bc Ilove all animals

66 Favorite emoticon: >⋮3c

74 What is one random butinteresting fact about yourself? I used to be able to quote the entire first two episodes of Fiona andCake from Adventure Time. Like I could recite everything and see it happeningin my brain. which is weird since i dont watch AT but i liked f&c for some reason. (idk I struggled with this one haha)

79 Something you wish didn’texist: I mean on aserious note stuff like racism, homo/transphobia, sexism, etc. on a lessserious note I wish trucks didn’t fucking exist outside of farms. Why the fuckdo you need a truck. you aint carrying shit. Fuck your truck. 

80 Something you wish didexist: myyyy self-insertstories bc it’d make all lives very interesting lemme tell ya.

90: If you were an animal,which one would you be? A ruddy somali cat no doubt no doubt

91: If a flower couldaesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Idk any that exist rn butsomething neon colored that opens at night.

104 What is your favoritemineral or gem? Opals are so pretty I haven’t found one I haven’t liked!

111 A question you hatebeing asked? “What are you going to do with a Professional Writing™ degree?” Aaand“Any cute guys at college/got a boyfriend?”

117 What color do you wishthe sky was? Tbhhh I wouldn’t mind a starry sky lol. Pink sky would be nice too.

130 Who would you like topunch in the face right now? Probably my gma for her insensitive question about when we were gonnareplace Jewel not even a week after she died.

134 Do you like rollercoasters? HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!

153 How did you meet yourspouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? We’ve actually known each other since elementary school! The only schoolwe haven’t gone together was college and she didn’t go to the first elementaryschool I went to (the elementary schools in my town are split into elementaryand intermediate where elementary was pre-k through 3rd grade andthen intermediate was 4th through 6th. However theychanged the grades when we were going into 6th grade so we werethrust into middle school instead of staying one more year at the intermediateschool. She went to intermediate w/me)

Thanks for the ask!!