I got to say I really liked the episode (despite only having watched exu calamity of the exu series) and I think maybe Matt needed a breather after so many fast paced, lore filled episodes.

however, I am kinda bummed that the fcg processing has been put on hold for (at least) two weeks now and that means that, despite them being great actors that truly merge with their characters at the table, their reactions will be much less raw and there’s a chance some of them will forget tidbits of information, emotions they felt when it happened because they (as role players) will have had time to process it out of the game and it might create a dissonance in the game. tbf I kind of felt the difference even between the end of ep 91 and the beginning of 92 but it made sense because technically they were still running and couldn’t afford to process. idk. I have hope that we’ll still see that raw emotion, but I fear it won’t be as impactful as it could’ve been, especially if they’ll have to put the “reporting for duty” hat on immediately when they get to the camp

I think being a little bummed about the sort of unexpected hiatus on the Bell's Hells/Post F.C.G processing is super understandable! As someone who also really did enjoy the Crownskeepers return (hello im still yelling about Opal internally), I'm kind of in the same camp of being kind of thrown/disappointed about not getting to really dig into/sit with the Bell's Hells post-F.C.G loss. Like, LOVED the Crownkeepers, fascinating second half, kind of meh on the specific timing.

I'm holding my reservations about whether they're going to have to keep running/moving once we return to their portion of the story, since hey, until it happens (or doesn't!), we don't know, so I don't feel like getting too in my head about it until then.

That said! I do think that in general the cast puts characterization and staying true to the emotions of the character/story as a very high priority within the campaign. I think you're right that it won't be the exact same as if they had done a big emotional blowup/goodbye/processing scene in the same ep where they lost F.C.G, or immediately after. I don't think that means it has to be less impactful, just that- yeah, they'll have had more time to actually think/process it.

But they're also all professional voice actors who have, IMO, thus far shown how much they think about the inner lives of their characters and enjoy really digging deep into the emotional/interpersonal aspects of roleplay.

My assumption (my hope?) is that with additional time to think about + process a devastating/deeply emotional loss for their character(s), they'd choose to lean into that more, and not less. It wont be the same as the immediate raw reactions, thats true! But i dont think that means it has to be less impactful, even if they (as people) have had more time to process, and will be choosing how their characters, fresh off the loss, react. I dont think thats a guarantee it will be less impactful/emotional (maybe the additional thinking would actually enhance the reactions being true/insightful to the characters vs gut reactions from cast), but it will be different.

But if the cast chooses to lean into the heartbreak/emotions, and the circumstances of the BH in the upcoming ep enable it, I'm sure they can still kick my ass (emotionally), timeskip or not.

In general, I'm cautiously optimistic about what could happen next! Even if I don't love the timing thus far. I think there's still plenty of ways for me to get what I'm hoping for wrt F.C.G/BH. :] There are plenty of ways for me to get let down too, probably, but until it happens, or doesn't, I'm opting to not get too doomery about it. We'll see.

I uh. Hope that helps? A bit? Being bummed about specific things you were hoping for being off the table is totally reasonable. just hoping to lend an alternate way of viewing it, if desired.

(i wrote the sentence: "don't be lamenting your chickens before they hatch" and then went "what the fuck" out loud. i spent 4 hours at work today just doing systems diagramming and my brain is fried. clearly. keeping this here for my own entertainment.)

Not to tell you how to do your job or anything, and I don't think it's the audience's place to give suggestions when this is YOUR profession, it's just a small idea that occured to me.

But maybe in the upcoming Auron audio you could add a little note on the screen saying that new Auron content is coming soon, and then like do the same with future compilation videos, since they tend to do so well!! Like to let people know that if they like the characters, this is not where the story ends at all and they should stick around. I say this mainly cause I remember you once talked about how the major numbers on the Finn compilation didn't translate to a major increase in subscribers. Really hope this didn't come off as rude, I just think maybe if people think the compilations are the ENTIRE story it might not occur to them to subscribe!

It also might yield no results at all, idk. I just remember I didn't subscribe until multipleeee videos had been recommended to me over MONTHS, mainly because I had no idea that there was a story to be followed.

I've written like three different responses to this but as I yap on I get new conclusions and ideas. This is v3 of my answer lmfao.

Preface: People don't pay attention to shit and unless you are clever or use a hammer, they do not care. They want the content. ESPECIALLY if they aren't familiar with you. This makes any deliberate Calls to Action run the risk of annoyance rather than making a meaningful impact on conversions.

Bonus note: If a video is scheduled to premiere, there's nothing I can add to it at this point without doing a whole reupload, giving Thoo a bunch of extra work, and all that shit. So that wasn't ever an option anyway.

My approach in this current iteration of how I do things is that rather than slob on somebody's knob begging for a sub, they're encouraged to either watch more videos or go to the homepage. My working hypothesis is that you're actually MORE likely to get a curious viewer to drop by your homepage before they subscribe, because they want to see what else is available.

The most recent changes I made to the channel homepage should make it abundantly clear that there are multiple stories, characters, and styles of content to jump into. Making sure that the homepage is great has probably made a massive difference in that regard, without impacting the videos themselves.

Playlists are horribly underutilized in this niche in particular, and on lots of YouTube channels really. So I made sure to try and nail that down. Still need to get the channel trailer locked in but tbh I don't know how effective those really are in 2024.

All of that being said, a ~15 second welcome intro at the start that explains what the compilation is and invites viewers to sub/explore the playlists would probably be the easiest way to accomplish that without intruding on the listening/viewing experience in a way that feels desperate or pander-y. That in conjunction with the end screen prompt would probably be the easiest way to do it.

I don't feel like that immediately turns massive hit videos into untapped wells of subscribers that I missed out on, it could help contextualize things a little more and who knows, maybe it WOULD be a big deal. Hard to say!

The context for me not immediately being like OH IT'S A SLAM DUNK HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS is because I run a very lucrative business converting viewers to patrons and I have very minimal in-video notes about hearing the spicy bits on Patreon. People often figure things out for themselves if they're motivated enough, and you run the risk of chasing them off if you come across like a desperate ass hoe. lmfao

I appreciate the ask, but also can assure you that I've spent several hours mulling over these very specific issues and I've considered just about every angle. If I had included every little detail and wrinkle of information I was cooking up in the various iterations of this answer it would be a mile long. So trust me. I've thought about it in great detail, have worked with people on it, workshopped things and much more!

Y'all got me yappin' up a storm on here lately. lmfao

What's your favorite color? - steddie blurb

It comes as a shock, frankly. No, more like an affront. Maybe both. Either way, Steve finds himself wondering for the first time since they started dating if Eddie is lying to him. The whole conversation started over something stupid. Really, the whole conversation is stupid. Steve is the only one of them with a wrinkle between his brow and a twist on his lips. Eddie is looking at him all soft eyes and easy smiles. They're in their tiny kitchen. Steve has his arms crossed as he leans against the wall next to the landline. Eddie is bracing himself on the little table they got to use as an island for some desperately needed extra counter space.

"You're not being serious," Steve decides out loud.

Eddie laughs, only a little in disbelief. Mostly it's amusement at Steve's current childlike behavior. Eddie thinks he's endlessly cute and endearing when he gets like this. Especially because it's never about anything serious so Eddie never have to worry about it devolving into a real fight. It's just another flavor of conversation.

"I'm being serious!" Eddie insists.

"There's no way, Eds. I mean, have you seen your wardrobe?"

"Yeah, I see it on a pretty regular basis, believe it or not."

Steve levels him with an overly serious, analytical stare.

"Are you seriously telling me that you- Eddie Munson, metalhead extraordinaire- your favorite color isn't black?"

Steve's head shakes a bit in what Eddie would consider a bitchy move. That's okay, Eddie likes when Steve gets bitchy too. Hell, Eddie just likes Steve.

"It's not!" He laughs defensively.

"It's all you wear!"

"So, your favorite color is yellow," Eddie states matter-of-factly.

Steve squints, shaking his head a little more. Steve's hands can't stay still for too long while he's talking, no matter how hard he may try. Eddie has insisted he loves how expressive Steve can get. Even if Steve's parents didn't. Especially because they didn't. One hand breaks free of the opposite arm and begins to fly around as he speaks.

"Since when is my favorite color yellow?" he asks.

Eddie rolls his eyes, but his smile never leaves his face.

"It's all you wear!" he throws Steve's words back at him.

Steve pouts. He knows it's true. There has been a lot of yellow spotted in his wardrobe lately. That's just because he thinks he looks good in it... because Eddie told him once he looks good in it.

"Alright, fine, point taken. What is it then?"

Eddie's face softens. His smile becomes something warm and sweet like chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. He walks around the makeshift island to invade Steve's space. Steve isn't phased in the slightest. Eddie places a quick kiss to the tip of Steve's nose. The act earns him a smile that Steve works hard to fight off.

"Funnily enough, my favorite color is yellow," he answers easily.

Steve's face goes from bitch mode to genuine surprise. Then some confusion trickles in via his eyebrows.

"You're not fucking with me right now? Dustin isn't going to jump out with a camera to catch the dumb look on my face?" Steve questions, playfully looking over Eddie's shoulder like he actually expects Dustin to be there.

Eddie breaths a chuckle across Steve's face. For a moment there's nothing but the scent of mint and cigarettes.

"First of all, your face never looks dumb. No, I'm not fucking with you. My favorite color is yellow," Eddie insists.

"But... why? I mean yellow is so- and you're so- why?" Steve struggles to understand a world where Eddie Munson's favorite color is yellow.

A light blush blooms across Eddie's face.

"Because you wear it a lot and you look really fuckin' good when you do. Now whenever I see it, it makes me think of you," he admits softly.

Steve absolutely melts. How can he not? His arms end up around Eddie's neck as he presses a gentle kiss to his lips. Their foreheads rest against each other when they part.

"You're so cheesy, y'know that?" Steve chuckles lightly.

"Yeah, but you love it," Eddie grins.

"Yeah, I do."

After that, Steve realized that his favorite color is black.

Masterlist

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

"xiao?"

your voice is deafening in the quiet, shattering the peaceful silence between the two of you, yet to the last remaining yaksha it is the most pleasant sound in the world.

"yes, dove?"

moonlight filters through the open window, bringing with it a cool breeze that makes you shiver and press closer to him. though to many he is pitiful, burdened by karmic debt and carrying the weight of his past sins, you find his presence to be incredibly comforting, and his warmth now is far from unwelcome.

"are you ever... lonely?"

you hesitate to finish your question, teeth scraping your bottom lip when you bite it as if to prevent the final word from escaping. saying it out loud makes the possibility so much more real, and you're not sure if you really want to know the answer.

"..."

there is no response. xiao feels how you stiffen in his arms, muscles tensing with concern that you may have hurt his feelings or offended him by assuming the conqueror of demons experienced such trivial mortal emotions. truth be told, he is considering his answer, desiring to give you the most honest one he can, for that is what you deserve after opening your heart to someone as stained by the past as him.

"yes. and sometimes it is almost overwhelming."

xiao begins, and the melancholy blossoming in your chest at his reply is simultaneously soothed by his voice. the gentleness of his tone would probably be impossible to comprehend for those who saw him daily, as his softness was reserved for you alone, and he did not particularly care about how rough others perceived him to be.

"but..."

he falls silent once more. xiao prefers not to look at the past, but now he finds himself musing over the other yakshas and mourning their fates. though he used to be ready to welcome death with open arms, grateful for his suffering to be over, things have changed since then.

"it has become easier to bear ever since i learned to love you."

others may take xiao's words at face value and believe that he loves you only out of habit, like you were constantly by his side until he was forced to figure out how to love you. but you know better. xiao learned to love you by learning to let his walls down, that being vulnerable isn't showing weakness, that opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt provides a fountain of opportunities and love to flow.

"i'm glad."

a smile curves your lips, and you twist in xiao's arms to press a kiss to his jawline before tucking your head into the crook of his neck once more. the stars dance across the blanket of the midnight sky outside, twinkling effortlessly, burning themselves up to give beauty to the darkness, and you are here, safe with your lover.

"i love you, xiao."

perhaps in the grand scheme of the universe the two of you are insignificant, but for now that matters not in the slightest, because:

"and i love you too, dove."

©starglitterz 2022. do not plagiarise, repost nor modify in any way – reblog / follow if you enjoyed!

man idk what to tell yall

im just. exhausted atm

It's very seldom my heart agrees with my mind but I know he's not coming back.

I forgot to mention that I saw the trailer for the new the The Hunger Games movie when I went and saw Blue Beetle (the prequel, you know?) and it does look really good (even though at first I was unsure about it). I'm probably for sure going to see it when it comes out. Though this will be the first time that I haven't read the book first... unless I do end up reading the book between now and then.

NO WAY YOU'RE A GAIA USER TOO I was so obsessed 😭😭😭

HELP NO YEAH I AM LERKJGA it keeps calling me back....... i think im over it but still.....

people will be so terminally jealous of you that they’d rather you reexperience your trauma but somehow in a worse way than just let you live your regular happy life as it has been

Hey y’all! I was a little flippant in the post about the salt yesterday, and it occurred to me some people might want to know how I actually got diagnosed with POTS (and other salt problems) so I’m putting it below the read more. It’s long, has a lot of medical jargon, and briefly mentions some medical unpleasantness. Also: I am not a medical professional. This is me talking about my experience with taking eight years to get a diagnosis, not medical advice.

For me, POTS started as a teenager when I got mono and strep throat at the same time. I’d already had doctors tell me I needed to up my salt intake and drink more water, but being sick took me from “gets dehydrated easily” to “resting heartrate of 140 bpm and severely dehydrated”. I was basically on my mom’s couch for a month and a half, had to quit my job, and ended up on a heart monitor for a month while they tried to figure out what the heck was happening. They didn’t.  Over the course of the next year or two, I gradually got better. Once I was physically capable of it, being in a musical (3+ hours of dance rehearsal 5 or 6 days a week in an old theater with a faulty AC) and starting Krav Maga (a, uh, very intense martial art) helped a lot*. I was still more sensitive to heat and dehydration than most people, but I was more or less functional. I had fairly severe muscle spasms and migraines sometimes, but I could handle it, and after going to several doctors I pretty much gave up on getting a diagnosis for a few years.  Then my family moved, and I started going downhill fast. I developed severe seasonal allergies that started as occasional hives and turned into what the allergist called “the worst hives she’d ever seen” and then anaphylaxis like clockwork the end of every June. There was a fire season like any other fire season, but my cough didn’t go away, and I dislocated a rib coughing and got diagnosed with asthma. During all of this, my POTS was getting worse and worse. My blood pressure was rarely above 100/60, and my resting heart rate was never below 100 and rarely below 120, but I couldn’t get any answers. My heartbeat was always perfectly regular, just fast, so the cardiologist called me a “medical mystery” and sent me home. (Somewhere in here is when the allergist suggested I had mast cell problems) By the summer of 2019, I could barely walk and couldn’t stay awake through the day. I was sleeping at least 10 hours a night and needing a two or three hour nap every afternoon. I saw a post by thebibliosphere about POTS, and brought it up at my next cardiologist appointment. He didn’t have a tilt table**, but did the test where they take my heart rate and blood pressure while lying down, sitting down, and standing, and I was like textbook perfect POTS numbers. He offered to surgically cauterize part of my heart to slow it down.***  I said “can I try salt pills first?” and he said “Sure. Can’t hurt. Might help!” Salt pills made a HUGE difference. I could stay awake! I still couldn’t walk far and got tired easily, but the brain fog lifted a little and I could think and plan again, so I asked my primary care doctor for one more referral. The neurologist and endocrinologist hadn’t found anything****, but surely the way salt affected me would mean something, right??? He gave me a referral to a nephrologist, who did some tests and told me my kidneys were fine but that based on how dramatically salt affected me I had “salt wasting syndrome”***** and put me on fludrocortisone. That brings us to today! I do not have answers for what, exactly, is wrong with my adrenals. Something very clearly is, and multiple doctors have said that. I’ve been tested for all the dangerous options and all the more common options, and I have none of them. I am extremely, extremely lucky; I have very weird versions of every single health problem I have, but the weirdness makes them less dangerous. My POTS is hypotensive, meaning that while I can’t take beta blockers or anything to slow my heart rate and am at a higher risk for passing out, I will not have long term health problems from high blood pressure. My heart rate is also always regular, no arrhythmia, which means I am much less likely to have heart problems later. I have asthma and can’t use rescue inhalers, but it’s weirdly never affected my blood oxygen levels or lung capacity. I have severe allergies, but weirdly very slow ones, so I have time to take benadryl before I reach the dangerous stage (it can take like 8 or 9 hours for me to go from “first symptoms” to “requires a hospital”, instead of the near-instant reactions some people have). Even with all the medications and lifestyle changes I’ve made, I am still very very sensitive to heat, pollen, and dehydration, and some days are better than others when it comes to things like “being able to climb stairs” or “being able to stand for long”. I still need to avoid my food allergies, and will probably never be able to drink alcohol of any kind. It would be very, very difficult for me to live on my own, but my life is so much better now than it was back in 2019 before my diagnoses. I know more people are getting POTS and long covid now, and while long epstein-barr virus isn’t quite the same, I think the path ahead of you might be similar to the path I’ve had to take? It sucks. It sucks! It’s long, and exhausting when you’re already the most tired you’ve ever been, and it seems like there is no end and no help and no hope sometimes, but things can get better. “Better” might not ever be what you used to be able to do, but there will still be so many things you’ll be able to do, and so many new hobbies and places and stories and people to love.  If you have POTS, and want to talk about it or ask questions, my inbox is open. If you don’t have POTS and have questions about it, I’ll answer those too. Also, if you don’t have POTS and are organizing an event, please, PLEASE make sure there is somewhere to sit, water to drink, and air conditioning or at least shade if it’s hot. Heat makes POTS much, much worse.  *this may or may not be because my adrenals don’t work right, and high intensity exercise seems to help me a LOT with adrenaline.  **my understanding is that this is like the gold standard POTS test ***that would have been Very Very Bad for me. My heart rate is high, but any time I take any medication to lower it, my blood pressure drops like a rock. I’m talking 70s over 40s. Can barely stay conscious.  ****they both told me I “might have anxiety”. So did more than one urgent care doctor I went to for severe allergic reactions. That’s both supremely unhelpful, obvious, and very clearly not the answer. As far as I understand it, stress will not make your resting heart rate reach 160 bpm unless something is very wrong with something else in your body  *****This...isn’t actually a diagnosis. It could mean two things: SIADH or cerebral salt wasting syndrome. SIADH gets worse with additional salt and water, not better, and cerebral salt wasting syndrome is very short term (like weeks at most) after head trauma or surgery so it’s kind of a non-diagnosis? It got me the fludrocortisone, though, and every single one of the many things that could be wrong with my adrenals are treated with fludrocortisone, so it kind of doesn’t matter. 

three thoughts

1) drawing myself in the mirror, i expected, would be very hard w my body image issues. they are deeply ingrained from childhood and though i cope w them better nowadays they are not gone, and they have taken me to very dark places before. i’ve mainly coped w it by not looking at myself for too long since fixating on my appearance can make me spiral. but once i sat down and actually started drawing, it wasn’t that bad at all. i didn’t have the fear of whether or not my arms were too big or my belly too folded since i was only thinking about how my shoulder was aligned with my collar bones and at what angle those are in relation to my elbow, etc. looking at the plain contours of my body in relation to each other, objectively, that wasn’t so bad at all since i wasn’t worried about whether the product was “beautiful” as much as if it was accurate. and, i wasn’t looking at my body as a whole until i finished the drawing. i was looking at parts of them, though not the parts i normally fixate negatively on. i was just trying to navigate the landmarks. it was kind of healing to realize i could do this. normally when i feel detached from my body, it makes me resentful of the fact that i live in one. today i was not resenting my body but just looking at it for what it was. a thing that exists. like anything else.

2) wow, i mean. i always know i’m flat-chested. but i’m flat-chested.

3) my back hurts.

Augh frankly i dont want to talk to anyone ever again i just want to go in the woods and fight people until i cant feel the pain from the cold

TL;DR - How would you kick someone out of your house without involving police? and Should you?

My no-note blog is probably not the best place to ask this question, but maybe someone will come along and answer, who knows.

So in the ideal circumstance that we abolish the police, I've been wondering about a specific scenario. Say there is a person in your home, for whatever reason, who has no legal right to be there, and you do not want them there (again, for whatever reason) but they refuse to leave and you want to forcibly remove them from your home.

Most people nowadays would threaten to call the cops on them, and usually that alone is enough to get people to leave. I've never actually had this problem myself, but I've known numerous people who've talked about these kinds of situations (and coincidentally they were all middle class, if that tells you anything...) I, personally, would think twice (or a million times) about calling the cops on someone, especially if the person in question is particularly vulnerable to police brutality. So, even if the police aren't abolished, I still want to know the proper alternative to handle this kind of situation.

I'm a pretty weak, easily overpowered person, so my first instinct would be to like.. call someone I know or go get a strong neighbor or something to help me get this person off of my property.

I know that the specifics of the situation also play a key role here, too, on how to handle it. Like, if the person is reasonable, I would hope that just telling them to leave would get them to go - easy enough. But if they refuse to move.. what do I even do? If it's someone that I know very well, I might think to take a break and just walk away from them and hope we can sort things out once we've calmed down. If it's someone that I don't know very well, though, (not even necessarily an intruder, but just say someone who is overstaying their welcome) and especially if tensions are not even high, I wouldn't really know what to do. Some states even have squatters rights, so like.. sometimes you literally CAN'T do anything about this person being in your home, and in some cases they can even get you kicked out. I think it's kind of obvious that if the person clearly has violent intentions towards me, then I have a right to defend myself, but again, I am not going to be able to do that by myself, and I don't know what the legalities are around asking for help from another citizen, i.e. not a cop, if someone means to do you harm?

And what if you do ask for help and your helper ends up injuring the person in the process of trying to get them out?? I'd imagine it's still better than calling a cop, and risking getting a life-ruining criminal record, or worse, shot and killed. But I'd also imagine there could be grounds for them to sue if they get injured by the helper since the helper is not a professional of any kind and not protected in anyway. Only some states have protections against self defense anyway, and I don't know if it even counts if you invited the person into your home willingly and they weren't being violent to begin with. Like.. if they person is just stubbornly standing there and then your burly neighbor puts hands on them first, I don't think that even counts as self defense for the homeowner? At that point if the person fights back then they have a case for self-defense.

And I don't know what the leftist attitude is towards personal property like that anyway, like should we even have a right to our own home? I don't know the leftist view on that, I get the idea that individualism is not the move, but like.. do we still have our own personal space? Space that we are allowed to bar others from entering? Even if that space extends to the entirety of a 2-bedroom home? I'm asking sincerely, because I really haven't read enough socialist theory, so I don't know what the opinions are on home ownership in general. Like in an ideal society, would we supposedly just allow the person to stay for as long as they like, as long as they aren't hurting anything? That's another part of it, like what if they aren't doing any harm but I still don't want them there? Am I wrong for wanting them to leave, even if I don't know them? Supposing even if they are an intruder, if they haven't stolen anything or hurt me or my animals, but they just... won't leave, should I even be mad about that?

But again, forget an ideal society, let's take it back to reality, assuming that I live in the US and the laws are exactly the same as they are in this moment, police are not abolished, but I am choosing to not involve the police in this matter... what is the right thing to do???? Should I just resolve myself to accept that this person lives with me now?? I don't even live in a state with squatters rights, so I don't legally have to, but.. should I? (more thoughts and anecdotes if the tags if you feel like reading)

@ my ex ay yo get ur shit off my calendar lmao

idk if it's genuine excitement or the energy drink i had earlier that's actually letting me focus and work but dude. i am CRUSHING this essay. this is Fun To Write. i think i'm actually doing a really good job here. wtf. i love my major man