#idk what else i should tag this with. im just. im lost. im so fucking lost.
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headshot sketch i liked
#cran draws tag#lias/#sketchins#i did some photo studies today before my toony stuff and it made me start wondering if i should#give Lias slightly more eyebrow? i would have to just try it for a while and see what i feel loll#he used to have a little more for a brief moment 10yrs ago but i was always flip flopping between that & thin lines b4 settling on thin lol#this is really random dw abt it oh fuck its 2am i should be asleep#edit cuz idk wanna make a whole post abt it but im actually kinda lost my mojo a bit so ive been like.#studying and doodling trying to get rid of it lol#cuz i tried to ink a wip the other day and couldnt do it suddenly lol so#obviously i need to do smth else for a bit
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this cant be fucking real. what the fuck happened.
#i thought i had the chance to get better#why can i never get fucking better#i try my hardest to heal and make progress and then i make one fucking mistake and everything goes wrong#i fuck up once and the world implodes#i am so fucking fragile#how am i going to explain to my mother why im getting worse again#how am i going to explain to my mother that its my fault#if i had just thought about it for more than a moment#if i had considered what would happen#what the fuck am i going to do#any time i try to make progress something goes wrong#im stuck between being upset and desperate and being angry#im going crazy. im losing my mind. why cant i just get better. please.#i just want to be okay. why am i not allowed to be okay.#i need to stop#tw vent#long post#vent post#tw depressing thoughts#idk what else i should tag this with. im just. im lost. im so fucking lost.
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WRATH YOUR TAGS ON THE SWISSALPS??? HOW DARE YOUUUU IM IN SHAMBLES FUCKKKKK IM GONNA KMS IF U DONT WRITE IT PLEASEEEEEEE
LMAO HI DONT DO THAT I GOT U BESTIE
Original post
I got carried away and blacked out and it became 2k, idk what happened either.
Swiss is so inexperienced and very anxious and mountain is the sweetest actually. This is so awkward because these two are dorks so good luck.
Small small mentions of blood but it’s taken as a joke.
It wasn’t long after Swiss was summoned that he truly started to understand the bands dynamic. Day in and day out of watching his pack mates eye each other like a piece of meat, constant touching and flirting and there was many parts of Swiss that yearned to be included in it.
He didn’t feel ready. Half split between feeling left out as the two ghoulettes he came with have been bonded and together since summon, and the other ghouls really seemed to take to them after a couple days anyways. It wasn’t like no one took to him, but he’s never propositioned, desired, at least not in his line of sight. He feels like he would be intruding if he were to say anything. So he waits.
The other half worries partially about being inexperienced. Never used a human body, barely has even touched himself and god he’s probably embarrassing, no one wants to be with someone so inexperienced right?
He continues to think about it. Fuck he practically studies the other ghouls and sex and whatever the fuck they’re doing together because when the time comes he doesn’t want to embarrass himself. He’s genuinely afraid he will just get laughed out of the room if he’s not ready though he’s sure he’s probably acting insane.
Truly Swiss has no clue what to think.
He sits on his bed, tosses a toy around in his hands. Nothing insane, something normal sized since he’s a beginner but he worries about it anyways. Hypothetically he knows where it’s supposed to go but
How?
He has no clue.
“I’ve seen dew take two before” rain smirks “shouldve seen him around me and aether, didn’t know the tight whore could do it!”
Does Swiss need to be able to take two?
He rolls the dildo in his hands again and gulps.
Maybe that’s a lesson for another day.
“Rain talks a big game but you should see how whiny he gets when he’s got a drop of blood in front of his nose. Had him drinking from my wrist the other day, he’d do anything for it” aether laughs
He almost winced hearing about it the first time. Never really considered… that being a part of things but ….. he can accept it if he has to, if that’s what the others want.
Swiss is probably getting ahead of himself.
He takes a deep breath and lays down in his bed, just stares at the toy in question because he really isn’t sure what to do with it. There’s no question of what he has to do but he doesn’t understand.
There’s a point where Swiss just decides to rip the bandaid off, reaches between his hiked up legs and pushes it into the tight ring of muscle.
It hurts, burns, doesn’t go in more than a millimeter and he thinks he’s probably fucked it up somehow or maybe he’s just awful or whatever other reason but he decides to simply give up for the night. The worries left to eat at him for the next day.
The morning is really no better for his mind. Stands at the kitchen counter lost in thought before anyone else comes in, the boisterous laughter breaking him out of his anxiety induced trance.
“Feeling ok sunbeam?” Mountain gives him a worried look, standing next to him to lean on the marble.
“Yeah! Didn’t sleep well, I’m fine”
“Well if you ever want help sleeping just let me know” mountain winks at him.
Was that?
It couldn’t be. Right?
Did mountain just finally proposition to fuck him?
He can’t say no. He’s come too far and wanted it too bad so he has to go to his room tonight right?
Questions race around Swiss’ brain. He’s the bottom right? Mountain is like a foot taller than him so that has to be it? But what if he that’s not correct and mountain gets offended? What if the rest of the pack hears and hates him? What if-
He desperately needs his brain to shut the fuck up.
The hours pass like molasses. Swiss swears every time he checks his watch after he’s sure it’s been an hour it’s really only been 10 minutes.
What time is he even supposed to go up there?
God he wishes more than anything he could stop this anxiety.
Swiss decides around 10 pm is good. Late enough for a reasonable bedtime but early enough he knows mountain won’t actually be asleep.
Mountain is shirtless, wearing low grey sweatpants when he answers the door. Swiss thinks he may be drooling but attempts to collect himself enough to speak.
“Didn’t think you’d actually come up here, been waiting for you to come to one of us sunbeam” mountain chuckles and motions through the open door to invite him in.
“Been waiting for you myself, hard to ignore such a big guy like you” Swiss pushes himself against mountain. He’s heard in pornos that men like to be called big. That was right to say, right?
“Didn’t know you were so eager” mountain smiles and lightly shoves Swiss onto the bed, straddling his small waist against the sheets.
“Course I’m eager, been waiting for this for ages, want to drink the blood from your wrist” Swiss winks.
Mountain sits up, “what?” He looks at him confused.
Did Swiss do it wrong? Aether made it seem like that was normal….
“I- um …. Yeah, want you to fuck me stupid, make me your whore?” He loses all confidence to his voice, looks scared to even say it and the concerned expression on mountains faces turns to laughter. So he really did fuck it up huh.
“Swiss…… have you done this before?” Mountain gets out between laughs.
Swiss should probably get up, leave with his tail between his legs and god he’s going to be laughed of the band for this,
“No… I’m sorry I ruined it I’ll go-“
“No! You don’t have to do that. Didn’t expect you to know.” Mountain smiles at him “come here, can I teach you? You sure you want this?”
A large hand caresses Swiss’s waist. Mountain moves him against the pillows, studying his language for any sign of hesitation or regret.
“Please” Swiss mumbles
It’s cute to watch him suddenly so shy, came in like a speeding bullet but now can’t look mountain in the eye.
“How much do you know? Have you ever touched yourself sunbeam?” Oh the tone to mountains voice should not be turning Swiss on but god it’s deep and gravely and yeah Swiss definitely may be desperate.
“No.. I tried but I don’t … know how? I’m sorry-“
“Don’t apologize, you’re ok, you’re safe here”
Swiss does feel safe. Safe enough to let mountain undress him, gently lift his shirt over his head and unbutton his pants.
“I’m going to touch you, alright? Tell me immediately if you start to feel strange” mountain caresses his cheek, staring into his warm brown eyes before reaching down for his hardening cock. It doesn’t take much for it to stiffen up fully, just a couple of touches and Swiss is hard against his stomach, still watching for mountains next move.
“There we go, gonna move your knees up. Is it ok if I put my fingers in you? Need to stretch you out if you still want me to fuck you”
Swiss just nods in agreement, bites his lip in favor of speaking and watches as mountain pours some kind of thick liquid onto his fingers.
“Just lube, it’s going to help”
It feels weird at first, more like some kind of intrusion than any mind numbing pleasure he’s heard about it. Swiss moans anyways, doesn’t want to hurt mountains feelings if it’s really supposed to feel good.
“Swiss…. It’s ok it’s not supposed to feel good yet, you don’t have to fake it for me” mountain laughs at the multi ghouls rapidly reddening face
“Besides, you won’t have to fake it here soon”
It’s embarrassing that a drop of pre bubbles at his tip just from that sentence. Mountains smile doesn’t drop, only a little cocky from the situation.
After three fingers mountain starts to push deeper, rolling them up instead of scissoring and-
Oh.
Swiss nearly yelps, vision blurs and jumps off the bed when mountain hits something inside of him.
“There you go, did you like that?” He laughs. God he needs mountain to stop laughing at him, needs his cock to stop jumping at his laughter too.
“Think you’re ready? Still ok?”
“Please” Swiss whines
The first inch feels wrong again. Nothing like when he did it the other night but mountain is much bigger than his toy and it honestly feels like it may be too much. He holds his breath, the stretch knocking the air from his lungs anyways but he grips the sheets and waits for mountain to sink the rest of the way in.
It’s overly slow, mountain being overly caring as always but he can feel every inch carve its way into him and he just waist for mountain to be down so he can collect himself.
“You’re ok, promise I’ll make you feel so good alright? You’re doing so well”
Swiss mentally notes the way his words make him see stars. That’s a kink to deal with another day.
“Gonna move ok?”
The outward thrust feels like it takes years, before mountain quickly moves back in him, trying to loosen him up before really taking him and mountain deserves an award in patience for being able to control himself for so long with Swiss so hot and tight around him.
“Fuck mount- feels- mountain-” Swiss gasps once mountain gets to pace. Eyes closed tight and mouth agape. Soft moans and whimpers escaping his lips and Swiss throws his hand over his mouth to attempt to silence himself.
Mountain quickly grabs his wrists, holding them above his head, “wanna hear you, wanna hear what I’m doing to you, fuck- Swiss want you to be loud for me”
A hot pit forms in Swiss’s stomach, burns in his abdomen and has his eyes crossing with the feeling,
“Mountain- I think I’m getting close I- please i think I’m going to-“ Swiss doesn’t even get the sentence out before he’s spilling hot and thick all over his stomach.
“There you go, fuck Swiss, so good feel so fucking good wrapped around me”
Mountain cums not moments later, pulls out and jacks himself onto the sheets as to not be ungentleman like for Swiss’s first time.
“Feeling alright Swiss?”
“Holy fucking shit I get it now”
#I hope this is everything you dreamed of LMAO#sorry I made it def more humorous than it needed to be#there’s def something to be said for insanely cute and fluffy Swiss alps#but I thought it would be funny if he was kind of an awkward idiot#anyways#hope you enjoy!#the band ghost#ghost#nameless ghouls#ghost bc#fanfic#wrath writes#swiss ghoul#mountain ghoul
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HIII DUDE good afternoon how r u how's the tokyo ghoul rewatch going!! i would. Love 2 hear ur ghostkicks and/or tg thoughts literally at any given time. taking ur joke tags absolutely dead serious because im trying 2 figure out How To Write Them currebtly & we're doin a bit of wrangling in the google doc 😭.
u know i have the brainrot so so so badly because im on episode 3 of tg and all i can think is "i can make a pd au out of this" so im feeling rlly normal abt it basically. im blaming it on unravel.
ANYWAY. ANYWAY. ANYWAY. YEAH. HI. GHOSTKICKS. they are soooooo. tired depressed introvert gets adopted by a loud bubbly extrovert trope. at least on the surface. like how they behave at school in season 1. thinkin abt jimmy going "what is UP with bro behind u" and william just ominously lurking there. and how dakota defends him later !!!!!!!! idk how much of this youve gotten to yet bc i dont remember when it actually comes up in canon bc its such an ingrained part of his character but dakota is soooooo. guard dog coded. this hits especially hard in the "what if pd were villains" oneshot but its sooooo prevalent in canon too.
they both hold each other in the highest respect. william sees dakota as the prime (ha) example of what a hero should be. hes brave hes kind he does his best to protect everyone no matter what. hes all the things that william Isnt. BUT !!!! dakota also looks up to him !!! hes so smart hes good at problem solving hes so curious about everything and asking questions and poking his nose into things that nobody else would even consider. dakota knows hes not smart so he automatically looks to william whenever he needs a plan or someone to tell him what to do when he feels lost. they complement each other and they dont even !!!!! know it !!!!!!!
also regarding williams powers. fuck dude. season 1 he was so fucking scared of himself and ashamed of the things he could do . he hid every time he had to use wisp form !!! but dakota always thought it was so cool and was not QUIET about it. boy went fucking STAR EYES the first time he saw wisp form !!!!!! i will never stop thinking abt the first rolled for season 2 where charlie goes "if dakota hadnt left, he probably wouldve been able to convince william to keep using his powers and not to completely disregard their existence like he has been" and . considering what william is like in season 2... god this wouldve been a COMPLETELY different fucking campaign. theyre so. incredibly soulmates to me. theyre so important to each other theyd do anything for each other. i cant say too much more without accidentally giving you spoilers bc i WILL keep talking and not be able to shut up but GOD fuck ghostkicks enjoyers eat so well in the latter half of s2. moirails. 2 me !!!!!!!
#anyway pd tg au: will as kaneki dakota as hide vyncent as touka .#tempted to say tide is yoshimura but for some reason i vaguely remember him being fucked up evil. dont know if thats actually true or not.#also trying 2 decide whether mal or kimuri would fit better as rize. not the exact character but like the.#oh youre being haunted by this guys soul. actually probably kimuri is better but hes not like. Evil yknow.#i will likely regret saying all of this once i get 2 later episodes. if i stick with watching this idk if i will or not lmao#but i remember none of the overarching plot of tg so im going solely on the characters up to ep 3.#anyway im not ever going to do anything with this but this is a fun little peek into my twisted cycle path mind#this is how i enjoy media when im obsessed w something else#THANK U FOR THE BEAFT. WHAT A LOVELY SHRIMP YOU HAVE#aauagahagahghhhhh. ros i cannot wait for u to have the ghostkicks knowledge i have. g#im going to start biting things. they make me crazy. theyd do literally anything for each other.#i loooove ghostknife dont get me wrong. im a huge ghostknife warrior#i love williams lamebass awkward teenager crush so much. and i think they should kiss.#but also platonic soulmates ghostkicks takes up so much of my brain space these days. theyre just so. extremely important 2 me.#matesprit vs moirail etc etc#dakota is williams wingman. etc etc etc.#anyway. im chewing through wrought iron bars currently#asks#friends!!!#intertexts
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Hanahaki (Words better left unsaid(?))
Fuck it i'm splitting it into parts. this is part one. ALL OF IT IS IN ONE DOC THATS SEVEN PAGES LONG AND STILL NOT COMPLETE. HERE'S THE FIRST FOUR PAGES.
Anyways this is filled with headcanons because only the MSS demo is out. HERE YOU GO BORIS I HOPE YOU LIKE FUCKING. CHUBEE BEING ANTISOCIAL OR WHATEVER IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
EAT THE ANGST WHILE I GO AND MAKE MYSELF SOMETHING TO EAT FOR I HUNGER.
also a friend and I wrote a fic with our OCs that involved Hanahaki like. 2 years ago. And the resolve of that fic was that the sickly person lost their memory and thats how the hanahaki was rid of. and i liked that idea so Input "FORGETTING UR LOVED ONES WILL CURE YOU OF THE FLOWERS!!!" in here.
Uhhh tw for Hanahaki, memory loss caused by concussion, and idk what else. please ask me if you need something tagged cuz i genuinely have no idea what to tag.
also i had to replay all the routes in the demo so I could do my best to write the personalities. I mainly just like kicking chubee while he's down because. idk actually. ig its just cuz i like him as a character? I'm really tired
im going to stop rambling pls just read this so i can get back to working on the second part AND my other angst fics. and the singular happy fic in my WIP collection.
Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Chubee knew the feeling well. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. His heart was pounding, and his stomach was spinning about. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Rongdien was snort-laughing at Matu, who had tripped over Aloiki’s fake tail and fallen flat on his face.
Rongdien was one of the hardest of the group to make friends with, it took the beekeeper a while to figure out how to make them grin. While everyone else was somewhat open with their interests, they had remained stone-faced.
That frustrated Chubee, although he hated showing it. Deep down, he felt that he was only good for jokes and “therapy”. Nobody really cared about him, nobody wanted to know what he was interested in, or what he had gone through in life. So when someone didn’t see him as good for either, he could only feel hollow. If he didn’t have a purpose, why should he live?
The red-head glanced at the blonde, gaze clouding with confusion. “You’re staring, ‘Bee. Why are you staring, Chubee.” Their voice wasn’t loud, but it was commanding enough to make Chubee stand up straight.
“Sorry, Mx. ‘dien.” He tried for a grin, but it was hard to manage. Their amber eyes were sharp, piercing him through and making his knees wobble, making it hard for him to stand.
“Why are you staring.” Rongdien repeated, making the beekeeper attempt to straighten up even moreso.
“Don’t see you laugh often, is all!” There was something bitter rising in his throat, and his breath was growing hard. “I don’t feel so well, though.” He kept the grin up as he backed up, the bitterness growing.
He booked it. Chubee ran down the halls, ran towards his room. He slammed his door open as fast as he could, before his knees buckled. Petals flooded out of his mouth, that of the red windflower. Typically, he would’ve stared in awe, but they were coming from his mouth.
“No, no, no.” He whispered, tears welling in his eyes. He had this sickening curse once before, back before he graduated, and someone else had to tell him years later.
“You had this sickness. “Hanahaki”, I believe it is called. You were spewing up entire bouquet’s worth of purple petals.
Chubee was unusually still. His hands weren’t patting his knees, his foot wasn’t tapping the ground, his eye wasn’t twitching.
“It was weird that you were missing so much school, y’know. Everyone was worried, even…” the brunette paused, her lips pursing. “Even Pedro.”
The name hung in the air, and she stared at him like he was about to spew out an entire flower again.
“Maria, it’s fiiiineeeee!” He hated how his voice wavered, “I’m over it. You know how? I got a concussion.”
Maria’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at him quizzically. “How would that help?!”
The blonde just shrugged, taking off his gloves and touching his fingers to his palm repeatedly. “I had a talk with Carmen,” he tried to keep any and all emotion out of his tone. “ ‘Pparently, forgetting the one you love helps. It’s why I didn’t show up for the rest of the year, either.”
She still bore a concerned expression, and Chubee itched with discomfort. He never knew how to react whenever someone showed concern for him.
“Y’know, Carmen has a killer throw. Never trust ‘em with a tennis ball, you’ll regret it.” Shivers went down his spine, but he tried to sound like he was joking. “Knocked me straight out. Only knew he did it because he was next to me at the hospital.”
Maria glanced out the window– the sun was setting, and it caused a beautiful gradient to cover her face. Blue, pink, orange, and then yellow. “He said you got a bad concussion, and everyone wanted to see you… Many people are fond of you, Garcia.”
Chubee had no retort to make, as much as he wish he did.
“At the beginning of the school year, when the teacher made us do an introduction assignment… a lot of people remembered your interest in beekeeping from that day. It’s why Jaime got you the bee plushie, and why Lucia and I saved up to get you those bee-themed pixie lights.” She raised a finger, pointing at his hat– the one he always wore. “It’s why Antonio got you that.”
Chubee snapped back to the present, he had lingered on that memory for too long. What purpose had there been to think back to it? He already knew that he just needed to forget. Forgetting was a lot easier than opening up about his feelings.
“You blood-havers are strange.” A metallic, squeaky, voice rang from above him.
He jolted, looking above and wiping his mouth. “Estelia.” He muttered, his tone bitter with hatred.
The robot just giggled, hovering in the air before staring at the petals. “That’s gross. Humans are gross.”
She began to ramble, but he cut her off as keeled over, pressing his palms into the hardwood flooring and cringing as more petals spilled out of his mouth, accompanied by dots of blood.
“You should see a doctor.” Estelia vanished after saying that, although her steel-cold giggles still echoed about in the halls.
Chubee ignored that comment. He was too busy thinking about who could help him forget.
Maybe Carolia could hit him on the head, whether it be with fist or hammer. Carolia never did seem to like others, so perhaps he wouldn’t ask questions.
There was a knock at his doorway, and dread filled his chest.
“Nice petals.” The voice was monotone, uninterested, and yet somewhat amused. “I don’t see that every day.”
Chubee did his best to gain his composure, but it was difficult.
“Mina says hi, by the way.” the brunette crouched down, patting Chubee on the back. “I can see if any of Mina’s medicine can help with the petals. With all the medicine substitution needed in my field, I’m sure I have something that could aid.”
Mezsha stood up with furrowed eyebrows, pulling Chubee up by the hood of his jacket. “But,” she continued after a long inhale. “It won’t be a permanent solution. There are three ways to survive this. But there are four ways to come out of this sickness.”
His throat was dry as he spoke. “How can I survive?”
Mina chortled at Chubee’s voice, which stung slightly, but it wasn’t important at the moment. Mezsha seemed to be thinking.
“Well,” She said after a few minutes, “I’ll dumb this down as much as I can, for your sake. The first way you can survive is by confessing your feelings– but your feelings must be returned. Obviously.”
The bee-keeper buzzed softly, kicking at the petals and pursing his lips. His parents stopped showing care for him long ago, and it taught him something. Never, ever, be honest with your feelings. Even in a life or death situation, don’t be honest. It’ll just hurt you in the end.
“The second way is surgery. I’m the only one here capable of performing such a feat– at least, without you risking some sort of infection. Also, I don’t know if the others would be able to perform it right. This is the most simple way, especially with how you’ll lose your feelings after, but you’ll have to place a lot of trust in me.”
Mina squealed and swiped the air.
“And, no, Mina won’t be in the room for it. That would be unsanitary.”
The blonde buzzed in amusement, rolling his shoulders. “Thanks for the reassurance. Really makes the idea less scary.”
The veterinarian stared at Chubee, a small spark of entertainment darting through her honey-yellow eyes. “Do not use sarcasm against me, Garcia. Moving on, the third way to survive such a condition is to—”
“Lose your memory.” The words burst out of his mouth, and as soon as he realized he cut her off, he took a few steps back. “Sorry.”
Mezsha’s glasses slipped down the bridge of her nose, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the beekeeper. “Most people don’t know about that, how do you?”
Chubee had never been as honest as he had been in that moment. Words spilled out without a stop put to them, and it felt like he was going to crumple over. He explained everything, how he had had the disease once before, and how a classmate told him that memory loss would help, and how the concussion left him hospitalized for a month– the last month of the school year.
He explained how hard it was for him to be honest with his emotions, because it never felt like anyone would ever care. How all the tears he forced down were trapped because he didn’t want to be picked on for crying, how he was scared of anyone getting too close because he might become attached and he didn’t want to grieve when he was abandoned.
He could only stop when his hyperventilation became too much to speak through, and it was then that he realized how nice it felt to cry. To let all he bottled up, flow out. And his words hung in the air, only interrupted by his sharp sobs and sharp, uneven, breath.
Inhale, inhale, inhale, inhale, exhale, exhale, in. He could almost feel Mezsha’s pitiful gaze, he didn’t have to look up. Exhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. His heart was pumping, and tears dripped off of his chin and to the hardwood tile. Inhale, exhale, inhale, inhale, exhale.
A fluffy heap was pushed into his chest.
“Bah!” It was a tiny, yet high-pitched, roar. Mina.
He wrapped an arm around the bear cub, tears clearing from his vision as he spoke gently. “Oh, hello there, Mina…”
Mina chortled again, turning her head to stare at her care-taker. “Raaah?”
Mezsha’s jaw was tight, and her eyebrows were furrowed together. “Keep holding Mina until you calm down. Petting her may help.” Her voice was much softer than usual, even with a hint of sorrow in it.
Chubee’s breath slowed down bit by bit, and tears were no longer welling in his eyes. His eyes stung from dryness, and his cheeks were burning from the lament.
“Thank you for opening up.”
He looked up, and Mezsha was slightly crouched to his height. Her eyes were damp with sympathy, and her irises were much more of a marigold color.
His words caught in his throat for a mere second. “I shouldn’t have.”
Mezsha tapped her finger against the wall, her gaze clouding and growing distant. “No, it’s okay. Bottling up emotions will never do you any good, and it will only cause harm.”
A snarky comment came to mind, but he let Mezsha continue.
“But you should not be forced to confess your feelings, or to let others know at all times how you truly feel. So perhaps we should head back to the original topic.”
“That would be appreciated.” Chubee’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.
----
#Mission Scarlet Stars#Mezsha Hurse#Chubee Garcia#Can you believe Mezsha's name is pronounced like. Mee-sha or whatever.#Aloiki and Matu make an appearance but don't speak#Estelia doesnt have a last name so#Rongdien chén#I AM TIRED AND I AM HUNGRY#i have written hanahaki ONCE before
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10 songs, 10 people (part 2!!)
okay when i did this a while ago I said i wanted to do it again so now i am :P this round's way more chaotic so buckle in bitches my caps lock was working hard tonight
lets get started
@justadmiringanakin (i know i already tagged you in the last one but you have top tier music taste so im bringing u back) @emilysmidnights (come back...be here) @karmaismyb0yfriend um idk anyone else to tag so open tag?
You're Losing Me | Taylor Swift - bro this song. so devastating but also such a period slay??? miss blondie i just love you so so much you will always be awesome
firearm | Lizzy McAlpine - "what a joke?!?!" "WHAT A FUCKED UP REALITY SHOW?!?!?!?" "YOU HAD ME CONVINCED THAT YOU LOOOOOOVEDDDD MEEEEE???????????????????" i have no other words. lizzy i love you so so much as well you're so cool
in my head | Ariana Grande - this one's partly for ch 18 of ffm. I- rfobsVKfobalAbalbgrushf I love this song so much. The lyrics? the production?? the high notes??? perfection. ALSO GO READ FALL FOR ME PLEASE BY @justadmiringanakin DO IT
The Alcott | The National and Taylor Swift - the parts where they sing like at each other??? AMAZING. i never fail to scream out tay tay's parts-- DID MY LOVE AID AND ABET YOU SHRED MY EVENING GOWNNNNNNN
Easier to Cry | TV Girl - and she just wanted to die but it was easier, it was easier to ADFFJSKBF:IURCSVG CRYYYYYYYY
What You Wish For | Guster - okay where my hayden girlies at cus theres a story to this one. I've always loved Guster since I was a baby, theyre my mom's fave. The movie Life As A House (EMO HAYDEN) came out about 4, 4.5 months after I was born. The directer of LaaH is a HUGE Guster fan. Their songs are in all of his movie soundtracks. This, along with the song Rainy Day of the same album (Lost and Gone Forever 1999), were featured in Life as a House. My mom met the director of this movie at a Guster concert when I was unfortunately only like 2 and too young to go. She also loved Hayden-i guess the obsession is a gene lol. thank u for coming to my ted talk
Thinkin Bout Me | Morgan Wallen - before I begin, if you're thinking of hating on country music, do not interact please. it's unnecessary. I'm unashamed for my interests. anyways this song is so GOOD morgy is absolutely SAVAGE songwriter and i loveeee him for it.
NYMPHOLOGY | Melanie Martinez - this song is also so amazingly savage. I love both Melanies, old and new. Angry songs are my PASSION and this song hits so hard for me
Someday You Will Be Loved | Death Cab for Cutie - "DO IT FOR BEN GIBBARD"-my friend i was talking to making this as i told her idk if i should put death cab on here -> this is my fave song by death cab (postal service and solo gibbard not included) for inexplicable reasons
and finally....
WILD UNCHARTED WATERS BY JONAH HAUER-KING yes i felt the need to yell that one at you guys this barbie just saw the little mermaid and is officially obsessed. IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!! the music? the storytelling?? the casting???? PERFECT. Everyone was soooo good in it and i encourage you ALL to go see it or watch somewhere. i condone illegals to see this movie. anyway Jonah Hauer-King was GORGEOUS and sang SO WELL and I LOVE HIM and OMG. ive listened to this song on heavy repeat in the last few days. like my spotify is having a stroke actually
#tag game#taylor swift#swifties#morgan wallen#tv girl#hayden christensen#life as a house#the national#aaron dessner#ariana grande#lizzy mcalpine#taylor swift unreleased#melanie portals#melanie martinez#midnights#death cab for cutie#ben gibbard#the little mermaid#jonah hauer king
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okayokay this is gonna be. long. buckle up chucklefucks because i've been listening to this song for like two weeks <3
the meanings i've come up with will be next to the lyrics in parentheses and bolded :)
and i should probably mention to anyone who hasnt read this fic i'm gonna be talking about a Lot of dark stuff here, mostly death. a lot of death. this should probably be trigger tagged. and spoilers for the children of the stars series by Aria_Cinabun on ao3. anyway
Six legs, tippy tappy toes
Climbing to the podium on Sunday (alyssa, foolish, and grian [3 people x 2 legs each = 6 legs] walking onto the stage, or "podium")
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain (it's literally a memory to tommy, and it 'itches' because Trauma)
Struck a nerve
That's absurd (everyone keeps talking about the red planet's genocide and tommy's all like "Dudes. i Literally lived through it Why are we discussing it like this")
I remember when I felt my house was made of sandpaper
That's enough living rough for a lifetime (yknow. the whole famine and genocide thing. i'd say that counts as rough living lmao)
Looking back for a pass (remembering idk how else to describe it lol)
Take it from me
I've lost my mind (im pretty sure tommy feels at least a little messed up from. Everything.)
Six legs, tippy tappy toes
Climbing to the podium on Sunday
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Six legs, tippy tappy toes
Climbing to the podium on Sunday
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Let me lay it down for you
It seems so simple (oh tommy must be talking about his past with someone for once! good for him!)
I'm happy that I'm just under six feet, not six feet under (he said, you know, like a liar /ref)
Where are your hands? No wonder (tommy's hand gets all fucked up and now he cant close the three fingers needed to make the sign of the children's rebellion. poetry...)
Take it from me
I've lost my mind
Take it from me
I've lost my mind
Six legs, tippy tappy toes
Climbing to the podium on Sunday
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
I feel stuck in a memory
Scratching my itch, who would I be?
I feel stuck in a memory
Scratching my itch, who would I be? (this bit is the whole egg worst-memory-collective-flashback-thing that phil, techno, wilbur, and tommy do)
Six legs, running down the stairs
None of them prepared for what they might see (when techno, ranboo, and tommy [again, 2 legs x 3 people] walk into that hospital room and see chroma there)
Now there's another face, another name to sing
I hope they're happy (welp. ranboo's dead now. thats no good.)
Six legs, tippy tappy toes
Climbing to the podium on Sunday
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
Now, it remains a dream, a distant memory
That itches my brain
i told you it would be long lmao, feel free to disagree with me on any of these :)
-- tcr anon :P
YESSSSSS I’ve been listening to the song and I completely agree <3
this fic is really fucked up huh
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Ayo i wrote some hizzie garbage 🗑 im both sleep deprived and tired of life so whatevr have at it wolves.
Its not good so lol but this tag is dead af so idk
Also dodie is sad af
~i can finally see ~
"I dont understand how you always manage to choose her side josie" im enraged beyond what i thought i could ever possibly be and my naive idiot little sister doesnt manage to get it through her thick little skull. Mikaelson is gone.
"No lizzie YOU dont understand, shes just lost she needs us now more than ever! How can you not see that?!" Shes been at this for the past 20 minutes and quite frankly its getting old.
"Jo, all i see is our dearest dad finally finding out the prodigal daughter is just an evil coniving bitch" i see josie flinch at the dry humor but i no longer care.
~youre as fucked up as me~
Josie gets up and walks out of the room, before she exits she turns to me "I get that youre hurt lizzie but you need to remember why hope even resorted to this in the first place. She gave up her life and landons life just to make sure everyone else would be ok." I can see that bringing up landon hurts my sister there are tears in her eyes and im so tired of everyone bringing up deceased bird boy, since he will probably just find a way to come back anyway.
"Yeah well maybe we can go ask dad if we should forgive hope then!" I yell but shes already left and my snark is useless and i feel so frustrated i could tear my hair out.
~so how do we win?~
Josie has once again taken upon herself to go chasing after our long lost tribrid trying to find a way to help her or whatever. I know just the way to help hope.
Cleo sowande is my very own personal hero right now.
~brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth~
Im driving from dead end to dead end and all i can manage to think about is hopes stupid evil "im a Mikaelson fear me" face and scoff
The balls on this bitch.
I pull up on a trail i picked up and the feeling of this dive bar is more unsettling than the last. I walk in and instantly feel the need to relieve my stomach of its contents.
Theres body parts and blood everywhere. Some guys head chopped off by a pool table. Brutal i dont even know how nobody has been in here to clean up the mess. Oh a concealment spell nice to know she cares about some things i guess. She could have at least lit the place on fire.
~im sick of losing soulmates so where do we begin?~
"Why would i burn my own room down Lizzie"
"With my family history im not exactly immune to those issues. I would never say that stuff about you"
I scoff remembering that and for some reason the back of my throat feels tight.
Josie may be right she might need help, but i cant find it in me to see the same girl thats understanding and i have grown to begrudgingly tolerate to be the one leaving a trail of bodies up and down the coast.
She mauled my dad whats stopping her from doing the same to the rest of us.
And i might have grown to love her too but josie is too soft to do what needs to be done.
Someone has to stop her.
~time and hearts will wear us thin so which path will you take~
I dont know what the fuck possessed me to say that idiocy. Impending death? Minute insanity? I can see the little gears in her tiny evil head turning
Theres a spark of someone i used to know flicker through her eyes.
And i see it the moment the hurt flashes in her mind what she went through to get to this point. I see her intent
The resolve. To end me. What did i expect?
Some sick twisted voice in my head tells me to keep going and see if i can reach her.
I slowly try to approach her and my voice is cracking i dont even know what im saying anymore
I see it in her eyes whatever hope was left is gone
Ironic
Before she has a chance to snap and as soon as i feel her hands wrap around my neck i rush forward
I close my eyes and say fuck it.
God i must really be crazy.
Her lips are unmoving but still soft i must have caught her by surprise because im still alive so i press on and i can feel her reciprocrate for a second and theres relief in my heart that maybe this will all turn out ok. Due to an unconsensual kiss of all fucking things.
Its something i never really considered doing while i was on my way here but minute insanity must have won over my fried brain.
I sigh as i feel soft hands tighten around my neck and it all goes black
Thats going to be one awkward as fuck conversation when she realizes im not actually dead.
Whatever serves her right.
*insert dodie lyric cuz im cant be bothered to do it*
+ lizzie wakes up and is super cool about it while hope is a crying mess on the floor cuz she killed this bombshell and sassy lizzie is everything.
#hizzie#lizzie saltzman#hope mikaelson be like#legacies#rant#creative crying#i really hate posting fics on here cuz my gf follows me and thats fucking embarrassing but i need this fandom to stay alive.#i dont care if i have to do it myself one shitty fic at a time#fuck julie plec
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TAG GAME: EIGHT SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME
thank you @loveisalwaystheanswer hehe
disclaimer: lots of anime recs here HAHAHA im a weeb. also idk how else to describe stuff sometimes HJDSFKJSDHKF it's just different iterations of "wow im floored. watch it." or "this fundamentally changed me as a person."
Code Geass - Brings back memories of senior year in high school where I binged all 25 episodes of the first season during finals week, then binged all 25 episodes of the second season the next week. Season 1 was eh but it was building up for the actual bone-deep pain of Season 2. The Zero Requiem finale still hits man, it's such a perfect way to end the series. Why are mecha animes so steeped in heavy politics. Good for them! Also the Pizza Hut placements were great (we love you Cheese-kun).
Mob Psycho 100 - AMAZING ANIMATION. AMAZING STORYTELLING. WHOLESOME HIGH SCHOOLERS GOING THROUGH THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF LIFE WHILE ALSO HAVING THE MOST POWERFUL PSYCHIC ABILITIES. Genuinely feel-good, so many inspirational quotes in here. Made me cry on some occasions because I didn't expect to hear the words I needed to hear from a shounen anime of all things. Also Reigen is babygirl for a REASON.
Peaky Blinders - Where do I start. I like period dramas, and the premise intrigued me. Season 1 is so damaging to me in so many ways like I don't think any other show could get as perfect as those six episodes AAAAA IM SO ATTACHED TO IT. The whole cast are phenomenal and they really carried the show, and the song features are so good too. Also Cillian Murphy is so hot goddamn.
The Promised Neverland - DO NOT WATCH THE SECOND SEASON. Anyway. I read the manga so I know how the rest of the plot goes, but Season 1 is such an amazing display of psychological horror. The visceral fear of realizing Isabella is always one step ahead of the kids, and just generally trying outpace her while acting like everything's normal. Wow.
Attack on Titan - lol. I don't really care much about the new series anymore, but back in 2013 this was the first anime I properly watched (and the rest of the world had its dick and balls gripped by the Salute™ and the Wings of Freedom™ too). I guess I was pretty fucked up as a kid for thinking I had the balls to join the Survey Corps and could live to tell the tale. Formative anime of all time actually.
Avatar: The Last Airbender - A childhood classic. What else do I say, it's just perfect. Amazing. Fantastic. Spectacular. I have official books of that franchise: all four of The Lost Scrolls, one of the Journey Through The Earth Kingdom books, and the Tales of Zuko book. It's just so dear and close to my heart, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Adventure Time - Another childhood classic. I think I watched every episode up until the first few episodes of Season 5, then I just stopped caring SHDFJSJKFH. BUT. But, it's also still very meaningful to me, it's an amazing combination of fun but also unintentionally dark. I should pick up on it again when I have the time, honestly.
Bungou Stray Dogs - I haven't touched anything related to this anime since 2019 but this is really that one show that shaped me for a long while, mostly because I met my internet friends because of this show, and my first few days on Twitter was dedicated to being a BSD fan. The whole concept too of characters based off famous classic authors with abilities names after their most famous works is really a banger, it made me a reader again.
i dont really have anyone to tag so if you see this on your dash feel free to do it!
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im sorry i have to say this i dont want to offend but ur mom is so fucked up. every time i see a post youve made or tags youve written on another post and it starts out like "one time my mom" i prepare myself to hear the most buckwild shit imaginable. i hope ur ok
No you're fine!! Don't worry about being offensive lol.
My mom has been going to therapy so she is kinda working on some of her issues but she's still an utter shit show
Little bit of a rant under the cut, tw for mentions of abuse/slurs/assault/self-harm/etc. All pretty vague but better safe than sorry.
And, thank you for being concerned. It means a lot.
My mom is incredibly emotionally abusive (she would be physically abusive if she could be but she has carpal tunnel in both wrists and is also half a foot shorter than me so the few times she's tried it didn't really do anything). I know that. Took me a while to realize it. I remember there was this one time - I was 14 or so - and she was screaming in my face and I was just zoned out wishing that she would just beat me to a fucking pulp so I could have physical evidence of how she hurt me. So that there would be no 'oh she didn't mean it' or 'maybe I misunderstood, I should stop being so sensitive' or whatever. I craved confirmation of my pain. That's how I finally accepted it was abuse.
Admittedly she had a fucked up background (was abused as a child and had an abusive relationship) and it severely messed her up. Being raised in a strict Hispanic Catholic household where the elders were always right, anything going against God was horrible, and you were constantly criticized for the way you looked and acted, none of that helped either. First time I met my great aunt (the one who raised my mom) she told me I was disgustingly fat and should starve myself so boys would want me. So I see where my mom got it from. I think that's why I lost it so hard at Turning Red.
Things didn't used to be this bad. When I was younger my mom and I were really close, y'know? But then I hit middle school and started forming my own opinions that differed from hers (and started showing more clear signs of nuerodivergence) and shit hit the fan. It's one of those things where 80% of the time we get along fine but then the other 20% she's basically calling me a dyke-slut-whore-retard etc etc. Don't remember if I mentioned this or not but I'll throw it here again anyways, she refused to let me go to therapy when I was in middle school (when I was suicidal) because she 'didnt want to be the mother of the crazy kid'. When I was in highschool and was self-harming she screamed at me because 'what if the boys see it then they'll never want to date [me]' and then bought me a cardigan so I could cover the marks. She refused to acknowledge I was autistic until I could use it on my college applications. She always makes sure she's the biggest victim in the room. Constantly talks about/threatens suicide when I call her out on her shit. Dumps all of her emotional problems onto me. I was fucking six or seven when she told me about my dad's affair, and she's just continued sharing every little thing with me ever since. I make jokes about it but honestly,,, if she wasn't a Catholic who believes suicide = Hell, I'd be afraid she would kill me in a murder-suicide thing. I've had friends who have met her irl tell me that if I ever suddenly disappear they're just gonna assume she was involved somehow. So. Idk. There's a lot more shit she does that I haven't talked about yet because it hasn't come up, but yeah it's always the weirdest shit.
Oh I am definitely not okay. I have a pathetically low self-esteem and need constant validation or else I assume everyone hates me because that's how I grew up. I really wanna talk about myself and my oc work but I get anxious that everyone will hate it and think it's dumb and insult me for it because that's how it was growing up. I call myself an idiot because that's what I was always called growing up. I will put up with massive amounts of abuse/manipulation because that's how it always was growing up. Any time someone compliments me my initial reaction is to assume it's a sarcastic insult because that's how it's always been growing up. I've had people tell me that sometimes they feel shitty about their home life but then they look at my mom and remember how great they have it, so at least my trauma serves some greater purpose.
I try my best to remain positive and laugh about things, and that helps somewhat. My Life Is A Fucking Soap Opera And I Will Liveblog That Shit. I probably should get into therapy but since I'm not even allowed to talk on the phone without my mom listening at my door, that probably won't happen anytime soon.
Idk guys. If you have a decent parent then go give them a hug. And if you don't, then, rip to us.
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(this is like literal infodumping but like like yeah im sorry)
okay okay okay so theres this guy named peter parker right?!?!? okay and like he's really really silly!!! and hes a photographer and he has a skateboard (idk why this is important) but like anyway, he isnt exactly the coolest fella at school ya know??? and like one day this guy, flash, is trying to get some kid to eat something and is shoving the guys face like against a table outside and everyone is just standing around them chanting yk- because like yk thats just like how it works in the movies. anyway, peter notices this and he's like 'wait bro- thats not cool??' and he tries to step in and flash is just like taunting him and is like 'take a picture, parker!' and peter is all like 'im not gonna take a photo' and then flash starts beating him up and and then like this girl, gwen, steps in and talks to flash about tutoring him to get him to back down and shit because obviously thats embarrassing when youre trying to beat someones ass, ya know?? ANYWAY flash gets all embarrassed and hes like '..yeah' and then backs away and tells something to peter, which i cant really remember right now but ya know thats like.. it isnt really important! but like anyway (ill get to the spiderman part soon, i promise??) later in the day, like i think an hour or a few minutes later (there are barely indication of like timeskips in the movies okay!?!?!?? aisjdflkjsalkdjflkj besides obvious ones..) gwen and peter are in class and gwens like 'bro you should probably go to the nurse, you probably have a concussion' and peters like 'girl what...' and then theyre like like 'whats your name' 'you dont know my name?' 'oh no, i know your name. i just wanna know if you know your name.' 'parker..peter parker' 'okay peter' (?) '..' 'i still think you should go to the nurse' and then a few moments later when gwen turns back to peter, peters like 'youre gwen, right? gwen stacy?' and like yeah thats how they meet!!!!!!!!!! and then like uhm.. i cant remember the rest but then i think peter goes home with a like bruise on his jaw or something and like...yeah, and then i think uhm peter goes to oscorp after finding a bunch of his dads stuff because he needs to talk to curtis connors, okay!!!! remember this!!! this is important!!!! anyway, peter goes and then he realizes that his ass did not sign up for the internship so like he just takes someone else's name tag / badge and like yeah. you'll never guess who works there!!!!! GWEN FUCKING STACY!!!! and peter tries to hide in the group of interns touring oscorp and stuff and gwen literallly pulls him off to the side after and is like 'do not get me in trouble' and hes like 'okay.. okay i wont yeah dw!!' and then his ass gets lost because he sees someone with a file and that file has like a little bit of paper poking out and like like it has the same mark thats was like in his fathers old stuff, which was like ØØ and it was like a spider marking thing, like the dna or whatever (key to the story) (please let me know if i need to elaborate or anything, because i definitely will) anyway, peter gets separated from the group and finds himself in like a little spider area, or well like more like a huge spider area because there are spiders everywhere!!!! anyway like he just vibes in there for like 23 seconds before the spiders start like dropping down a bit and they literally like fall on him and he panics and like he gets all of them off, but one and this little fella will come into the story later, trust me, okay??? (this is at like 600 words maybe i should stop) anyway, he gets back to the group and he like gets approached by gwen and she takes the badge away from him and is all >:( and walks away and then, you know that little spider i was yapping about a few moments ago? okay well, that little fella bites peter and he like audibly goes 'ow' while gwen is walking away and she turns back for a moment and is like 🤨!! and peter awkwardly just stands there before skedaddling off. a few like hours later, i think, peter is eeping on a train and like a guy puts a bottle on his forehead and the condensation drips (1/?)
let me tell you opening this and then scrolling down five years and seeing (1/?) was SO funny AKDLFkldf
also I have seen this movie before but it has been a hot minute. This is the Andrew Garfield one, right? (It'll be really embarrassing if I'm wrong asdlkfaskdj.) I've seen the Tom Holland one a lot bc my dad's like really into the MCU so like, yeah. I've seen this one maybe three times???
Fun fact, the last time I watched this movie was in high school English class bc we were analyzing the hero's journey, so that was a while ago (and that's only if i'm right about this being the Andrew Garfield one).
I think movies should be explained this way more often, this was very enjoyable to read, you should replace sparknotes (or whatever the movie equivalent is)
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Updates 4 funsies!!
So its been a while! Gonna update a bunch of shit real quick so bear with me!
+MJ has completely lost Host role and is hardly ever around anymore. Ultimately a good thing for healing but a large shift that took a long time to adjust to. Our new host Cass took a bit to recognize the system and it halted personal progress for a while. This is why I havent kept super updated for about a year now.
+Candle is going by Rose again. Unsure as to how I will handle this, tags wise, but this is a conclusion she came to recently. Both names are still okay though.
+We are currently in a relationship with another system & for privacy I will never speak about them using real names but I do intend on speaking about them more as they are an important piece of me understanding myself currently. Also bc I'm in love. Oops.
+Quite a few of us have shown up in the past year and I may as well introduce us quickly:
Cass: she/they • Host • used to identify with the title "bimbo stoner" but got bored of her bimbo ways. • handles work & daily life • controversial figure with controversial opinions. Is just looking out for us and herself though & should be listened to more. (Projecting, soz)
Bee: she/her • a "problem" • Rose's in-sys GF • milkman by trade
Olli: He/Him • Little (~7) • the spirit of adventure guides him • actually a really fucked up kid but his whimsy glows and lights a fire in the arctic hot enough to keep him safe
Jude: He/Him • The boyfriend ever • thats all I know so far. He'll open up eventually
???: She/Her! • im just a girl!!! • hypersexual maybe • sweetest of hearts • idk what else to say I'm just really happy to be included!!
???: He/Him • werewolf?? • literally genuinely only comes out when the moon is full. I'm afraid.
???: She/They(??) • little ball of energy & chaos but also just a guy • also not really sure what this one's deal is yet
#-cass#aaaa I need a tag for our sweetest girl !! but I dont want to use her real name so I have to think#whatever. I'll get there. she helped tho :)#there was someone else too but whatevers#point is this is things lately! I want to redo my whole blog and update everything but for now: this.#if anyone cares lol. either way this is just for me :)#also im for sure missing something but I'll get to it later?? idk!
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*begins to feel the ominous pull of yet another au idea....*
#i came into this month w high hopes!! everything has fallen apart for me tho#im trying to put creative energy into a project to maybe help channel these feelings#halloween is my fav time of year and it makes me sad that im so sad this time around and whats better for that than making a spooky au#its not that spooky and its a dumb idea but its hard because the book is a fucking tome theres a lot of story and a lot of characters#a LOT OF MOVING PIECES#but theres a particular element that makes it highly cathartic 2 me so i think im gonna dig it out and try to read it#idk how far im gonna get bc its a bIG FUCKING BOOK (THAT IVE NEVER FINISHED LMAWEOFEFOJ) but it weirdly means something 2 me#the thing is tho........... im trying to make it a shance au but it might not be#i think allurance as the main ship actually works better for it awfojew it could maybe even be shallurance tho if i get creative#but there are seriously way too many moving pieces and a few heavy themes that im trying to figure out how to interpret#like its a period piece and modeled in the style of books in the period so theres some bad shit about how u know...#commentary on how women mentally ill ppl (particularly women) and black ppl are mistreated in society and how their voices are lost#and thats kind of integral to a lot of themes but i dont want 2 put any voltron character into like the shoes of#a black man in olden days where he is free but slavery exists#THATS A LOT#even tho they DID take the only half black paladins family and put them into slavery and no one elses lmao thnx dw#anyway these tags got out of hand im think9ng out loud im just chattering while i try to figure out who should be who in this crossover#also im sure ive made the book sound boring (and it kind of is) but its also exciting (just a really really slow burn) and about magic#LOUD HUFFS predictably i only know where lance belongs in his au#my fav of the two protags NATURALLY but he really actually is a good pick for this role#like the allurance/lotura love triangle possible here is very powerful (except lotor would be fixated on allura and she wouldnt even know)#oh shit though this indirectlky reminds me of the poto au DAMMIT#BOTH GOOD TIME PERIOD SPOOKY DRAMA AUS THAT ARE ALL ABOUT ARTISTIC SPIRIT INTEGRITY AESTHETIC AND WHAT IT MEANS 2 BE HUMAN#HELP.#text posts#feels good to tag vomit again lmao so weirdly typing all this junk lifted my mood#whats up say hi if u got this far do ppl even read these damn things??????#my mad ramblings?????????/
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despite, um...the weirdness of feeling like im not in my body, tonight has been really good
#🧟♂️#unreality#aw fuck i moved and ive lost my whole right arm. COME BACK PUSSY WERE WRITING A POST#ok hes back after writing a few tags#but um. yeah idk! ive just been like. vacantly blissfully enjoying my night...#and im getting tired its almost my bedtime#i hope sleeping helps#if not well. i guess ill have to figure out wtf is going on...it could be anything honestly i wouldnt know where to start with guesses#either way i will talk to my mom and see if she has any guesses? cause i wanna know what da HELL happened with me tonight#but uhh. i forgot how much i really like death stranding! dunno why i stopped watching the playthrough of it#actually its prolly cause i was hyperfixating on something else as i always am...#but i hope i get through more of it this time! i love the charas and its so cool conceptually. @___@#i really love how it looks. everyone memed on it but its a beautiful game graphically.#i know i know realistic games bad bc they sacrifice everything else for looks but. Preddy Bideo Game...#or i think so anyways...its just my aesthetic. but u should listen to me cause i have the best opinions.#ok uhhhhhhh i wanna keep talking but idk what else to say. picture me saying something dumb if u want. keep it on brand#mothers
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memeception
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okay so the idea is reader taking one (or many) of jj's shirts without asking him, and every time he sees her with one of his shirts on he's like 🥺🥺 and finally she says she likes his smell and wears them because of that and idk some fluff (sorry if this is bad it was just an idea i had)
white t-shirt
author’s note - this kinda deviated from the original request but it just happened because your girl is angsty. happy first time writing in a month to me!! (apologies in advance im rusty). thank you to lisa @angellissy for being my hype woman as much as im yours because this wouldn't happen without you so. couple folks who i love who asked to be tagged so: @baby-bearie @dpaccione (taglist? yes or no? someone want to teach me how?) please also know that even as my dash returns to normal and im writing this doesnt mean ive stopped or anyone else should stop advocating for black lives matter so please do all you can loves :))
synopsis - requested by @strkydrw! JJ isnt used to public affection and it creates a wedge between the two of you. which JJ isnt about to let happen.
warnings - mentions of anxiety, smidge of angst, and a swear cause i felt like it. 1.7k of comfort!boyfriend!JJ
JJ Maybank was not one for public displays of affection. He was so used to going it alone that he couldn’t fathom someone wanting to love him for the whole world to see. You were okay with it, really you were, it was just something that made the blonde who he was.
Through your time together he became more lenient. A short peck in front of the Pogues or rough fingertips brushing the skin of your waist when your shirt rose up at a kegger. He loved you and that’s all you could ask for.
But to say you weren’t needy for his affection would be a complete lie. Curling into his side at the Kook’s walk-in movie, being able to love on your perfect boy for the whole world to see, but little hand touches were enough for you if it meant JJ was yours.
You had a bad day. A crap day. Everything that could’ve gone wrong, did and now you want your boyfriend. You needed JJ’s arms to wrap you up and push all your worries away. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen.
You were at a party at the Boneyard, like most summer nights on Outer Banks, and your personal security blanket was far too busy by the keg to take notice of you. Pope was sitting next to you on a piece of driftwood. The sweet boy had a knack for reading you and the Pogues like an open book. He could spot your glowering from just about anywhere.
“Pope, I’m fine.”
“Yeah and I’ll leave you alone when I believe you.”
“Pope,” he glared at you, “okay, okay.”
The two of you settled into a calm silence. Pope sipped at his plastic water bottle, which Kie had already ratted him for, and you fiddled with your fingers, relaxing at JJ’s smile in the distance. A frown slipped over your features just as quickly as your sweet smile had appeared.
“Y/N?”
Turning your head to the dark skinned boy, you appreciated his concerned smile but honestly you’d rather bask in your misery alone if you couldn’t have your blue-eyed boy.
“I’m gonna walk home,” Pope’s eyes followed your movement as you stood, “tell JJ for me?”
Now he knew something was off, though you and your boyfriend were never outwardly affectionate, Pope knew of the silent love you shared. The fact you didn’t want to tell JJ you were leaving nor grasped the opportunity to squeeze the blonde’s hand was unsettling.
He watched you slip away, staying out of the firelight so JJ had no chance of catching your departure. He waited until you disappeared over the dune and started your short walk back home before practically bounding across the beach and gripping JJ’s bicep.
“Woah Pope, quite the grip there.”
“Y/N went home.”
“What?”
“Y/N left.”
The blonde quickly scanned the sandy beach, eyebrows furrowing when he didn’t find your familiar figure. He glanced back at Pope.
“Do you know why?”
“She seemed upset.”
“What? Why didn’t sh-”
“I don’t know, but that’s not the point,” he flicked the side of JJ’s head, “the point is that your girlfriend needs you so bust a move.”
Pope barely got the last words out before the blue-eyed boy practically sprinted through the crowd.
You were a mess by the time you reached your familiar grey house with tears streaming down your cheekbones as the screen door slammed behind you. You pushed your way through the house, feeling your legs ready to give out under your weight.
You slipped out of your clothes and goosebumps rose across your skin, the summer breeze chilled against your tanned skin. Pushing your jackets and sundresses aside in your closet, you reached for the worn white t-shirt tucked behind the rest of your clothes. The stained Pelican Marina shirt was one of your prized possessions. JJ had asked you about the article of clothing before saying how he lost it and wondered if you had seen it.
You denied everything.
The t-shirt always calmed you, the smells of the salt air and JJ’s weed, it made you feel like you were curled up in his hold. With just his shirt on, you slid under your blankets and pulled the knitted fabric to your chin. You tried to ignore the wetness of your skin and the pinch in your chest that even JJ’s aroma couldn’t solve.
You were so distracted by your waves of emotions you nearly missed the soft revving of the motorbike in your driveway. Your heart clamped when you heard the soft murmurs between your boyfriend and your dad as they undoubtedly worried about your off demeanor.
“Y/N?”
Your breathing felt erratic as you quickly closed your eyes, praying you wouldn’t have to admit anything to JJ. You waited for him to leave after a soft sigh slipped through the crack beneath your door, but instead you heard the familiar creak of wood against rusted hinges.
You silently thanked your past self for laying down with your back to the wall because you knew you’d crack under JJ’s crystal gaze. Willing your lungs to settle, you felt his familiar warm touch settle over the fabric of his shirt you were wearing. The soft movement of his fingers kneading into your back nearly caused a whimper after longing for the boy’s touch for so long.
“Baby? I know you're awake.”
Mentally cursing your boyfriend, you rolled over to your side as JJ pressed his body closer to yours, practically laying on the bed now.
“Hi.”
“Hi sweet girl.”
He sweetly pressed his lips to the tip of your nose, smiling against the skin when he felt your cheek against his hand warm up. The blonde tried to pull back to admire your flushed features but you hid your face in his neck. You smiled when your actions emitted a chuckle from the boy which filled up the silence in your room.
This was what you wanted more than anything. Your perfect, loving JJ holding you close and kissing you tenderly, but not like this. You wanted to feel adored outside of the safety of closed doors and four walls, but that wouldn’t happen. You pouted at your ruined daydream.
“Hey, hey,” JJ felt your frown against his tanned skin, “baby, you have to tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Y/N…”
“Really, it’s nothing, J, can we just forget it?”
“No.”
“J-”
“Tell me.”
You stayed silent, breathing in his presence, the pinch in your chest finally releasing.
“Baby, please?”
“Are you embarrassed by me?”
“What?”
He pulled away from your touch as he frantically searched for some kind of explanation in your eyes.
“Sweet girl? Why would you ever think that?”
“You’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“That’s not true.”
“You have to force yourself to kiss me in front of your friends and you won’t talk to me, much less touch me in public. It’s like I’m dating different people, JJ. The boy I fell in love with and some guy who’d never give me the time of day.”
“Bab-”
“No,” you sat up, letting his once comforting arm slip off your body, “I had the worst day and everything was too much and I just needed you. I need you, JJ. But I didn’t even want to tell you because I was scared you were going to brush me off. I don’t want to have to think twice before going to you, I shouldn’t have to but I jus-”
You were cut off by a harsh sob that was building up in your throat throughout the day. The weight of everything pulling you down for too long. Your cries, however, were quickly muddled as JJ pulled you into his warm, taut chest. His pillowy lips pushed against your skin, shushing you in comfort.
“I’m so sorry, Baby, I’m not embarrassed by you. For fuck’s sake, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m sorry. I’m just not used to it, I guess. You love so proudly and the fact that I have you is overwhelming. I’ve never done this before, loving someone. I wish you had told me, sweet girl, I love you so much, angel. So much and if you need me to hold you or kiss you or whatever, just tell me, okay?”
You nodded against the soft fabric of his navy shirt, your sobs giving out to breathy whimpers. It was peaceful like that, the room completely dark except for the moon and stars shining through your curtains and your boy holding you tight as you laid on his chest. You leaned back to stare at his serene facial features and watched as he fiddled with the hem of your clothing.
“Baby?”
You hummed, settling back into the crook of his neck.
“Is this my shirt?”
“Umm, maybe?”
He felt your skin heat up against his and smirked, trying to catch your eye in the dim light.
“Why’d you take it?”
“I don’t know, I just wanted you with me when I couldn’t have you.”
“Don’t be embarrassed, sweet girl, I like you in my clothes. And you can always have me, okay?”
You hummed again, drowsiness forcing your lids closed. JJ shivered as your eyelashes fluttered over the smooth skin of his neck.
“What do you think of wearing this to tomorrow’s boat day with everyone?”
He mumbled into the night, smiling at the idea of you laying out with his shirt announcing you were his, but his suggestion went unanswered because your were already fast asleep in the comfort of the blue-eyed boy’s arms.
#outer banks#jj maybank#outerbanksedit#masterlist#obxedit#obx#jj maybank x reader#jj#jj x reader#jj maybank x y/n#i want a jj so someone please supply one#outer banks masterlist#outer banks fanfiction#outerbanks
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