#idk idk. it just sucks bc ive been on this journey for so long and i really feel ready. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stateswscarlet · 6 months

Note

sp just got with a 3p. ive been manifesting for a year now and now i feel hopeless and like i failed. i feel like ive lied to myself just to comfort myself about our break up. i love sp dearly but idk what to do. he says he loves her. and i saw my other fav loass twitter account just had the same thing happen. it sucks. my heart hurts.

im sorry babe i understand youre hurt and thats 100% valid. take as long as you need to feel better and turn to self soothing methods (EFT tapping, breathwork, etc) to ground and calm yourself. when youre feeling not so great theres absolutely zero point forcing manifestation or forcing a state since youre prob not going to fulfill yourself anyways.

secondly, your words “hopeless” and “failure” tell me exactly where youve been focusing for the past “year” youve been “manifesting” (hint: you haven’t been consciously manifesting for a year straight bc you prob spent a good chunk of that figuring things out and learning the ropes, overconsuming and desiring. dont confuse learning the law with applying, you’re telling me for a YEAR straight you would bet everything you have to tell me that you’ve been in the state of being in a fulfilling relationship? i think not). you’ve been focusing on how its not here and how youre gona do the “work” to get them back/in a relationship with you.

even you saying you feel like you lied to yourself to feel better shows exactly what state you’ve been occupying. if you were actually fulfilled and understood that youre not getting back the sp who you arent with in the 3D/the one dating someone else then you wouldn’t be in shambles over a NEUTRAL 3D that means absolutely nothing. thats not your reality because you as god of your imagination already experienced the relationship remember? you ALREADY got back with them, so how can YOU as god of YOUR imagination go back and say “lol nvm actually were not together, hes with a 3p so fuck everything i experienced!” this also shows you haven’t accepted the 3D as is and were hoping and wishing that you “manifesting” would reflect in some near future. hence youve probably been embodying a state that definitely wasnt being someone in a committed relationship. this journey isnt about hope and wishing, its about being and LIVING your life normally. its not lying to yourself if you already came to terms with the current 3D (which we cant change forcefully - we can only change self) and understood that your manifestation IS NOT COMING FROM THE 3D AT ALL, let alone the shitty 3D where you guys broke up or whatever circumstances happened. yes in this specific 3D hes with someone else but why would you care? you already experienced your manifestation with YOUR partner who you already are dating in the reality that truly matters.

you cannot be imagining to solve circumstances. neville got rejected in the 3D for leaving the army yet he didn’t give uo because that rejection didnt mean he failed because he wasn’t imagining to GET OUT (aka youre not imagining to get sp back or remove a 3p), he was imagining to experience being back w his family (youre imagining to experience the relationship of your dreams). obviously if your goal is 3D oriented then yes it will seem like you failed because youre depending on the external to give you something.

27 notes · View notes

elliekillsu · 23 days

Note

hi! so im 14, and so is my gf (im trans male, shes a trans girl). i have literally searched like a million things for trans girl experiences and ur blog came up so i was wondering how do i make her feel better abt herself? because recently she posted about not feeling femme enough and stuff and she keepssending rlly sad messages then being like "oh i was js dysphoric ignore me" or wtv.

i want to make her happy but idk how bc ive never liked being a girl (obv) so idk what to say to make her feel more like the girl she is. she is post social transition, only my parents, her parents, and our best friend know, so she isnt able to go oout in things w/o feeling insecure and stuff

i let her wear some of my old clothes (dresses and skirts and crop tops and stuff) but idk how much its rlly doing for her

sry if this was long u dont have to answer lol

have a good day/night! <33

Hii! I'm always happy to help someone out, I wanna start with like the 'bad news' just to get it out of the way, you've both found out you're trans around the same time I did which is great I'm proud of you both, but that being said you're both young, I know it's said a lot and it sucks to hear but you have so much time left, I found out about my own identity pre covid and didn't start presenting until end of 2022, and didn't fully socially transition with my family until last year, my point being it is a long stressful journey and it may take time and it will be hard but it's absolutely nothing compared to how long you'll live as yourself. Now I don't know any way to make her feel less dysphoric overall, its something we're stuck with but the obvious can help, routine shaving even just facially really works well, but I would definitely say maybe try do her makeup for her, teach her how or even just buy/give her some stuff to use if she hasn't been trying that already, even a few moments for the first time can help so much. If you can afford it trying out thrift stores or charity shops to find a low cost variety of clothing for her to keep away for herself.

There's no necessarily perfect way to fix dysphoria forever, god knows I still suffer but here i sit titless, unshaven and built and I'm still the happiest I've been in years, it does get better, you hear it over and over it loses its meaning but it will get better I can promise you both that, if I could see myself now when I was your age I would be so fucking happy and I still cant believe any of this is happening, I can promise she'll have the best days of her life but also the worst, its a long journey she's just begun, she isn't alone as long as you're there, along with me and every other one of our siblings. We are all one and we love you <3

I hope this has helped even a little

2 notes · View notes

webslingingslasher · 2 months

Note

hiii j 😞❤️‍🩹:( just need to vent..

im feeling kinda down rn. i just feel lonely. like, im actually an independent person and im introverted so im happy in my bubble but after the thing that happened with my ex friends, i realized that i never rly fit in anywhere.. i outgrew a lot of things and people (including them) so now im just by myself and i have no one to yap with :( i dont rly have anyone to share my life with rn it's sad.. it's been months..

im not regretting that i cut ties with them lol but idk im just kinda sad. im always changing and outgrowing things and yea growing is a good thing and ive changed a lot for the better but it just sucks how ive never found my people and i still haven't. ive never even had a bf either so literally ive never been loved.. god

ive been told that i'll find my people eventually and yes i believe that 100% but what am i supposed to do when i feel lonely? i always just let myself go thru the sadness of it but it's been kinda long.. i cant be like this always.. n yes maybe my journey rn is about being with myself and not others but what am i supposed to do with the loneliness? ..where do i put it, you know?

ive been meeting ppl though like thru my classes and orgs but we're not close, we just rly work together.. i mean it's a start i guess. but everyone else alr has their own set of friends n crowds and i just dont find myself fitting in with a lot of them bc it's just not me, like im not built like them. and i dont want to change who i am just so i can fit in. and i like the way i am and i dont wanna destroy that or lose myself so.. idk :(

all i can do rn is hope and wait but it's getting real lonely and it kinda hurts that i dont have anyone to share my joy and pain with.. im literally just carrying myself thru it all

-🧚🏼‍♀️

i am so sorry fairy :( i'm sending you a big hug. i promise it'll all come together and you'll find your people. for now try to lean on the people around you that love you and support you and spend a little time with yourself and try to have fun.

don't change yourself. that's boring and fairies aren't boring.

#🧚🏻‍♀️ anon

2 notes · View notes

jinxed-thoughts-and-desires · 2 months

Text

Entry 1

hey hi! i have about 6 or so “entries” that I originally wrote on twitter that I want to copy over to here, both because they still express what im going through now and also because I want this tumblr to be a documentation of my journey as well. 2 copies, I guess, with this being more of a focus on everything and my twitter just being my twitter. so yeah, love yall ❤️

—

(written march 9th 2024)

in an effort to try and bring attention to mens mental health (not that i wanna take away from womens history month but i still think it is important), i want to be more open and transparent about my journey with mental health as a guy.

the past few months have been some of the hardest of my life. so much has happened that i cant even remember a good chunk of it, things keep stacking up and i feel increasingly lonely as time passes, which is a combination of there being minimal amounts of resources so for men to get help, and the pressure of trying to be a “man” in todays society. i like to think i understand how toxic these traits can be and try to avoid them, to allow myself to feel and express emotion, but its so so hard especially when you dont /know/ how to do those things.

over the past week or two ive had to call the crisis hotline a few times because ive gotten so bad, and each time its helped a little, but it made me feel incredibly embarrassed that i even had to do that, especially because of the reasons i feel like this in the first place and trying to open up to friends and even my gf (as thankful as i am for it) is not a replacement for the therapy i cannot afford, have no time for, and am even more embarrassed to have to get because of. just everything.

theres only a few things keeping me going atm, one of the main ones being that i do genuinely want to get better, so i can become/create a hub for mental health resources, for everyone, but specifically for men.

i dont wish this on anyone, its so draining, soul sucking, and even anger inducing. i really hope that one day i can get better to help others going through this, bc that was one of the ways i started my internet journey (starting a “help”-ish blog on tumblr where i would anonymously message people that they mattered and that i cared for/loved them even if i never met them), but at this point im scared ill never get to a better spot. ive been stuck here for so long, and sometimes fall deeper, that it feels like theres no way up anymore.

sigh.

but yeah, idk where i was really going with this. at the end of the day i want to use this as a starting point for documenting my mental health journey. hopefully itll get better, maybe itll get worse, maybe itll just stay the same and i wont get anywhere. we will see.

i love you all.

#depression #venting #my post #support #mental health #mens mental health

1 note · View note

sixloid · 3 years

Note

Hey, quick question... how do you do lineart and shading? I suck and desperately need advice... also love ur art <3

hi!! ty so much :] i use 2 drawing apps when i draw dont ask me why ig i like different brushes but for my sketches i draw on ibis paint most of the time and use This brush right here

for my lineart i often use procreate and use the narinder brush in the sketching section (and also doodle with it) bc it looks rlly nice and ive been drawing with it for a while now surprisingly bc i always tend to change brushes 😭

for lines i turn the layer to multiply then add a layer on top and set that one to clipping mask then i color the lines inside w a shade of pink and bc the lineart layer is set as multiply the pink will look darker idk if this makes sense?? i do that for all my lineart so yea WOW I SAID LINEART AND LAYER A LOT i May be stupid

ALSO for lineart dont hesitate with ur lines, its gonna make everything harder and ur gonna struggle and spend way more time on it instead just warm up beforehand a good way to do so would be to just trace lines until you get more comfy and also draw using the force in ur wrist and not ur arm!! i rlly love doing lineart now it may be my one of my fav parts i am an Outcast

for shading it just came with experience i guess…? i was rlly bad at shading at first So a few tips i learned along the way was to never shade w black bc it doesnt look nice (except if ur goign for that kind of aesthetic where it works) so i always shade w purple or pink colors set on multiply and it blends nicely,, also!! trying out a lot of things can help id suggest making a pinterest board or smth with art U like/are inspired by and try out some of the aspects just to practice things u wanna get better at and it can also help ‘develop’ ur artstyle!!

also for clothing folds and stuff Which was hell to shade for me i just studied w a lot of pics and now i Think im better at it idk help but studying always helps a lot in everything like when i dont know how to draw smth i Always use a reference pic and its a very good warmup!! also try to keep in mind a light source bc otherwise the shadows may contradict themselves but thats still fine as long as ur learning And there is no right way to do art dont overwork urself if you cant do something first try its fine art is a journey :)

SORRY IF THIS WAS KINDA LONG i hope this helps in Some way even if im bad at explaining but i rlly love answering stuff abt my art in general so :}

11 notes · View notes

windsweptlassie · 3 years

Text

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners:

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves:

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love:

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters:

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose:

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

#on love #love files #uquiz #mine #shut up queenie #long post

74 notes · View notes

tobi-momo · 3 years

Note

hi! idk if you've had something like this before but could you do something for todoroki and any other character(s) being insecure abt their sexuality or questioning their gender?? bc both are happening to me rn and i really want comfort in any way.

OF COURSE!! ive never had this so hehe I’m so sorry youre going through this, i too had a very long questioning period with my sexuality so id be happy to do this :))

hehe whos up for some shoji???

TODOROKI:

-he absolutely loves you no matter what

-so when you are struggling to find yourself, he is worried, but he knows this is a journey you need to take alone.

-he will support you in any and every way he can

-he wants you to feel comfortable with yourself and for you to embrace who you are

-if you would like to use different pronouns than before, he will immediately start using them and never mess up- he will also correct anyone who does- or is just an ass ab it

-he is there for you 100% of the way and when you finally start embracing yourself he just falls more in love with you

-finding out your sexuality gender is a very hard thing to do, and he understands this. he knows that it definitely doesnt happen overnight and that it may take a long time.

-he will be the most patient person in the world im telling you

-when you come to him and explain what has been going on he will feel sad, he doesnt want you to feel this way so he will do whatever it is he needs to do

-he will listen to you until you have nothing else to say

-and then he will help you- he will provide advice and send you encouraging messages constantly to make you feel good- this is all in a way that doesnt make it seem like hes prying tho

-but ya he is very patient with you and will do everything he can to help :)

pplllllsssss i love this man sm

Shoji:

-i feel like he has probably gone through a similar thing, so he knows how much this sucks.

-obviously he knows it isnt the same thing; its different for everyone, but he knows what its like to have insecurities about himself when it comes to gender and sexuality

-he is much like todoroki in this instant with being patient- when you bring it up he wont say much but will comfort you in any way he can with cuddling, hugging, gifts, etc

-if you get uncomfortable with any of this stuff he will figure out a way to make sure you are feeling okay with yourself for a little while longer

-if you want to use different pronouns? he will call you by them

-if you are attracted to other genders he will not care he is just glad that you are finally being yourself :)

eeekkkkk i hope that was okay im so sorry if i did it wrong- if i did pls let me know and thank you sm for the request

#bnha #mha #yaomomo's gf #shoji #todoroki #shoji headcanons #todoroki headcanons #headcanons #request

61 notes · View notes

matoitech · 3 years

Note

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

#long post #NINE PARAGRAPHSSSS #fess replies #anon

7 notes · View notes

grvntld · 3 years

Text

random blahs bc i just had my dinner and later imma hv dessert:

🌻as i hv mentioned food olredi, lezz start w that: sobrang daming food dito sa house. we hv two refrigerators — one sa kitchen and one sa dining room. sobrang daming pagkain in both. natatakot ako masiraan kami kasi ayoko lang talaga na nasasayang food. both have cakes in it, both have brownies in it, both hv big g knows what in it. idk what happened. my cousins said it piled up over the holiday szn. i wasnt here during that time so irdk. im grateful for all the food pero im rlly worried na masira yung food. hehu. oh, may isang fridge pa pala sa room ni mama ba. that was mine before eh pero i let it go kasi kumakain ng space sa room ko. i kinda want a smaller one sana. anyway, that has food in it din pero that's mama ba's so di counted.

🌻i now hv two games sa phone ko. hehe. neko atsume and my tamagotchi. i like games na chill lang. as my friend described it, i like idle games. di ako fit for tactical games na bang bang bang pew pew pew. i tried and nagpapanic lang ako. lmao. back to tamagotchi... i started it sa fam ko tapos na-influence ko one of my cousins tapos my two other cousins are now playing it na rin. now, four na kami na invested sa tamagotchi. hehe.

🌻ive been working on my long list of articles for days. no, scratch that. technically, ive had it for weeks pero i didnt rlly feel like working over the holidays so ayern, i did it paisa-isa lang that time, now im like purging it or smthng. i just wanna get it done olrediiiii.

🌻may sobrang frank review abt the skates that im planning to buy. i actually know abt its cons already kaya lang bc of that review, i got disheartened. idk, ang dali ko naman ma-influence. arrrggghh. ang gusto ko kasi talaga high quality na agad eh para pang long term kaso i dont wanna burn money in something that im not sure im gonna do in the long run kasi di ko naman sure if magugustuhan ko 'tong hobby na 'to. ugh. i do inline skates when i was a kid, but this time i wanna try quads. ugh. i guess i hv to suck up the cheap ones if i rlly wanna get this thing started so i can decide if it is for me or nah. sabi naman ng others, goods daw talaga for basics eh. settle muna ako sa cheap ones siguro tapos pag down na ko to invest, imma go for high quality ones. basics pa lang naman.

🌻im doing yoga w adriene's breathe sessions. it's a 30-day yoga journey. i did her home last yr and i liked it, so im doing her breathe this time + im aiming for two ~difficult~ (difficult for me) yoga poses. i hope i could do 'em. i mean it's just been days since ive put work on it, but i rlly hope i will be able to pull it off.

🌻im so excited to put an entry on my mooda app. hehe. i decided to put an entry on it at the end of every day or when i can since it's just a one-entry-per-day kind of thing.

🌻i started on my dessert olredi, btw. i realized sobrang daldal ko kasi ang tagal ko na dito nagttype, so ayorn, kumuha na ko dessert tapos i took a pic of my cousin na rin kasi he's gonna use it for his college application.

🌻mejj tinatamad na ko manood ng the 100 nanaman. huhu. naaazuhr kasi talaga ako kay octavia. :((( hanap muna siguro ako iba. try ko kaya gilmore girls? fun daw eh. gusto ko sana supernatural ulit kaso wala sa netflix. 🙄

#donut #icecream

3 notes · View notes

stop-weighting-for-change · 4 years

Text

UPDATE 4

OK!!! So this update is a ~lil~ bit off my normal update schedule, but honestly better late than never :)

July 25th marked the official end of my first Chloe Ting challenge: her 4 week summer shred. I didn’t lose as many lbs as I figured I would throughout which kinda disappointed me at first bc i was eating clean enough and often times less calories than i probably shoulda been eating so it like didn’t make sense??? but then today i retook my measurements (which i initially took the day i started the challenge on june 27th) and OH MY GOD???? I LOST 11 INCHES TOTAL AROUND MY BODY????? I CANNOT BELIEVE IT??????? I was so so so so so so proud/happy and I’m amazed. It makes sense now why I didn’t lose ~as many~ lbs as i initially figured i would bc i musta gained a lil bit o’ muscle and im happy af bc muscle burns fat :)

I am planning to start a new 4 week summer shred a week this friday and im waiting a week to start the new shred for a few different reasons: 1) mentally, physically, emotionally, im tired and im EXTREMELY proud of myself so i recognize that my accomplishments deserve a lil time off! Ive earned it! 2) chloe literally recommends taking a week off inbetween challenges to get the various types of rest needed and shes the expert here not me so there ya go. and finally, (which is honestly my fav and most extra reason lmao), 3) both my siblings birthday is august 3 and my birthday is august 16. by starting the next 4 week (28 day) challenge on july 31 i am perfectly timing my active rest days on the 4th and 17th days of the challenge to fall on both their and my respective bdays. i realized that the other day when trying to decide when to start my next shred and if thats not just the happiest of accidents idk what is :’)

Im not gonna lie and say the last few months have been easy on my mental health. i graduated college this past december and since then i have felt this never ending spiral that im old and my best days are behind me and theres just an impending doom to get my life together/perfect. and this pandemic only made things abt a billion-ish times worse. i got furloughed so i didnt even have my bullshit part-time job to keep life somewhat “scheduled” for myself and that really sucked. i cut ties with a person who had been a constant and sense of comfort in april bc of my so-called-friends ignorance, selfishness and lack of communication and things had just not been the best. dont get me wrong, i am so privileged to have my family all together, have everyone be healthy and safe and comfortable enough (both financially and physically) to stay homes for months on end but i wont lie and say it hasnt taken somewhat of a mental toll. BUT ANYWAYS my point was that in spite of quarantine dragging me further down, i feel like this newfound lifestyle transformation journey has given me a reason to continue bettering myself and has made for a good reason to look in the mirror.

Enough sappiness i should probably end this overly dramatic and unnecessarily long update post bc honestly no one is reading this anyways lol. were all in this together (<3 troy bolton style <3) and if anyone should ever need my support, even if only virtually, i am here!

P.S. this may be an INSANE thought butttttttttt is it weird that i ~cannot wait~ for halloween. its still 3 months away but wow oh wow am i already siked for it to arrive :D

P.P.S. i found this killer marble cake recipe bc im gonna be making my own bday cake and i literally cant wait to try it i hope it turns out well... unlike some of my past cakes lmao........

#weightloss #weight loss #weightlossdiary #thinspo #gettingstronger #getting stronger #getting healthier #gettinghealthier #losingweight #losing weight #feeling positive

7 notes · View notes

kinktae · 4 years

Note

The penultimate part🥺 I’m not ready to say goodbye, Bitchin!Jungkook has definitely been one of my fav characterizations of him that I’ve ever read. Thank you so much for sharing your work with all of us💖

bitchin 9 asks bc i suck

sapphireprinces5 said: bitchin’ pt9 was just so beautiful?? the way you explained the emotions and interactions between the characters was just amazing!! I felt myself hanging on every word wow excited for the end but will miss bitchin’ so much 🤧

Anonymous said: TAEHYUNG AND YARA SIGN ME UP GURL!!!!

Anonymous said: Like I just feel like if Jk really liked y/n he wouldn’t have slept with Kiri, you know? It shouldn’t matter that he didn’t know how y/n felt. And it’s obvious that he has feelings for y/n so I just hope that’s something y/n addresses when she talks to him. Don’t settle for less girl! Get you a man who will fight for you regardless 👏 (btw this is not me criticizing how you wrote it in any way! I’m just so invested in the characters and am thinking about how I would feel in this scenario :) )

Anonymous said: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GONNA HAPPEN WITH YARA AND TAE I FELT IT SO DEEP IN MY BONES IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM 😭😭😭

Anonymous said: Hi! I just binge read bitchin in a day and can I just say that I loved it! I really love the female characters as well, you’ve written them so beautifully 🥺 if I was y/n I wouldn’t be concerned so much about Jk not sleeping with Kiri if he knew the way y/n felt, but rather the fact that if Jk didn’t want to sleep with Kiri, he wouldn’t have, regardless of y/n’s feelings or not. IMO y/n’s feelings shouldn’t be the issue here, but Jk’s should! If I was y/n’s bff that’s what I would tell her LOL

Anonymous said: OH MY GOODNESS! YES !!!! YESSSSS Y.E.S Muchas graciaaaas!!!

Anonymous said: tae and yara are my new ship)

unknowntalesx said: okay but like tae and yara thooO they got me all smiley being like oh yeah bayyybeEE das what im talking about 😏 ALSO OKAY NOW THAT I AM MORE LUCID KIRI GOT FUCKING WRECKED I LOVED THAT SHE GOT A DOSE OF HER OWN MANIPULATIVE MEDICINE I AM 😤😤😤😤😤

Anonymous said: im not ready for bitchin to end )):

Anonymous said: I SCREAMED WHEN Y/N TOLD KIRI THE TRUTH. YES QUEEN. STAB AND TWIST THE KNIFE!

Anonymous said: ROSE AHHSHSJSKSD FUCK U I’m all hot and bothered with anticipation for pt 10 now 😩😩😩🥵

sydney--chan said: We really stan y/n for using her big ol brain to rock kiris world oh my god I yelled also I say what's your damage all the time bring that shit back

Anonymous said: a tae x yara spin off series or one shot...... haha jk..... unless..... 👀

Anonymous said: Fuck kiri's scheming ass. I'm glad YN ripped her a new one

Anonymous said: AAHHHHHH once again, I love this chapter so much!!!! I was screaming at Yara and Tae part. Seriously!!!! I am SURE she felt that spark when he kissed her. Is she going to be the one falling for the guy while he wants something casual now? Or maybe Tae will fall for her as well? Ahhhh so cute! I feel like that would be a nice spin off yk (no pressure, I swear). And Erik, woah I didn't expect him to be like that. To be so nice and wise. Great character development indeed! It was really nice (1/2)

Anonymous said: To see their interaction and the way he opened her eyes (for some reason I couldn't help but picture him as Namjoon). Ohhh the Kiri part tho!!!! I felt really petty but in the best way lol. Anywaysss I am really excited for the last chapter (really sad too) and I am sure it is going to be the best because you are a genius! Thank you for sharing another amazing chapter with us! ♥♥♥ (2/2)

Anonymous said: OKAY I absolutely adored Bitchin part 9 😻 I always thought that it was also OC fault for what happened between her and jk, he obviously was the main jerk but she never actually admitted her feelings to him and he doesn't read minds so??¿¿? Really loved that she came to understand it. And I was rooting SO MUCH for yara and tae MAN I AM CRYING THEY DESERVE IT 🙌🏻

Anonymous said: you came through with the tae x yara content we all needed omg thank you!! if anyone’s gonna make yara fall in love it’s tae lol

Anonymous said: I honestly lowkey hate bitchin’ jungkook right now. I thought I’d get over it but I just can’t imagine how hurt and disgusted Y/N was when she found out that jk and kiri were together just hours before they were like ugh. It doesn’t help that I’m also really interested in Erik’s character development now so it would’ve been really interesting to see how he’d fit in Y/N’s life. 🥺

Anonymous said: jungkook and y/n wANT what yara and tae have

Anonymous said: TAEYARA YES FINALLY OUR WISHES HAVE BEEN ANSWERED 😍😍

Anonymous said: just want to let you know you’re an absolute angel and all you create is nothing short of perfection. *sends you all of the love*

spring2787 said: I jus came from a 4 hour long class and it's finally here... Thank you so much dear 🎂 💜

Anonymous said: Is yara me ? Like when she said that boy act like they understand the no string involved but then fall in love , dude I felt that , that's literally the story of my life lmaoooo Like the number of time a dude told me yeah I'm okay with that and then acted shocked when I told him I didn't feel anything for him is impressive lmaoo Anyway I'm so eager for the last chapter!!!! you did an amazing job!!

kuhweenbri said: The way I already finished but anyways girl I absolutely loved this part and now I’m excited for the next part 😭😭 will we be seeing more of T-ara??

Anonymous said: OMG YARA AND TAEEEEEEEEE. NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEANT BY FANSERVICE. JSJSJSJJSBXBSBSB But on a serious note, this fic just keeps on getting better. The fact that there's only one chapter left still hasn't come home to me 😭 but thank you so much for blessing us with this!💜💜

Anonymous said: YO! bitchin is flippin brilliant! you have done so well! jungkook broke my heart in part 9! im emotional but also so ready for part 10! please take your time. have a lovely day

Anonymous said: i don’t normally talk to writers on here but bitchin is really bitchin, i haven’t read a fanfic in so long that makes me excited to read the next part and maybe it’s because i’m so used to all of the aus being recycled but bitchin is truly a breathe of fresh air to me for some reason, maybe because you fleshed out the right hand mans for both characters idk or the it being a different time period, but i just wanted to say you are smashing bitchin dude and i love it!!

shy-kpop-girl said: BITCHIN': I just caught up on 8 & 9. Shocked & angry at JK. Because regardless of whether he knew y/n' feelings it was a dick move to sleep with Kiri one night and y/n the next morning. And it wasn't like he came over to talk/tell y/n about Kiri & things escalated because he went right at it as soon as she let him in. Even tho it was hot. 😳 But Erik. I wanted to hate him but dude surprised me with his reasoning. I loved that dialogue! Once again your writing is amazing & I love this story!

Anonymous said: Bitchin is the best fanfic on tumblr. And no one can change my mind. You’re doing amazing!! Much love xoxo

Anonymous said: “Think of life as one big puzzle and everyone you meet is shaped differently, right? Yet somehow… they fit. We find those that complete us. And they’re not necessarily opposites but—“ MAAM that part hit SOOO different omg your brain!?! Outta this world! Like this is whole ass literature!!!! I stg Bitchin’ is the best thing on this app and I meant that w my whole chest.

Anonymous said: I'm not ready for Bitchin to end. It's soooooo good 😍😍😍

kmultifandom said: Since there's a cast for bitchin I wanna audition for y/n because i wanna be a biologist and I have some similar personality traits *mic drop* Also great work, I seriously love it. No other fan fiction I have read was so close to my actual self and that impresses me even more and make it like it 10 times more djksksks

Anonymous said: how will I live when bitchin ends agghhh I haven’t even read 8-9 cause I’m waiting for the happy ending before I’m heartbroken and left waiting for the last part

Anonymous said: you know what would be super fun and crazy 😛😛🙈🙈 if you dropped bitchin’ pt 10 right now 😳😳 haha just kidding .... unless 😏😏

Anonymous said: lets gooooo!!!!!!!!!!! bitchin pt 10 better haunt me for the rest of the year

Anonymous said: I feel like I’m going to get so emotional once Bitchin’ part 10 is released. It’s like I’m sending off my non-existing kids to university because I won’t be able to see Bitchin!Jungkook anymore 🥺

Anonymous said: I can’t believe Bitchin’ is for real ending 😩 it’s soo gud

Anonymous said: Can’t wait till bitchin PART 10 Probably gonna fall asleep before u post but I’ll try to stay up for it 🥺

Anonymous said: i love your writing honestly and i just really want you to be happy. your writing is immaculate and i really want you to know that you are talented and skilled so yeah. sorry if this is out of nowhere but i just really want to show appreciation to writers because they don't get enough and you are definitely my favorite writer:)) hope you have a good day!!

Anonymous said: okay but if Bitchin' goes on for 50 chapters that would be good too.. just sayin'.

tpo-quinn said: Bruh, I can already feel that I'm gonna cry from the last chapter of bitchin'...I CAN'T WAIT!

leojjeon said: so i've re-read bitchin ready for chapter 10 an I am feeling all sorts of emotions. it's fair to say it's my favourite series I've read!

Anonymous said: y did i forget bitchin would have an end like 😳😐we’ve been on this bitchin journey w u for so long i’m sad it’s over

Anonymous said: What what what?? Bitchin is ending??!!! Didnt it just fucking start like all the drama and tae&yara!!!! Omg girl!!!

Anonymous said: ur the absolute fucking GODDESS of writing angst, ive never ever waited for a ff to be updated before as if it was a new episode of my fav show coming out. thank u for writing and be so active, muah ur amazing

Anonymous said: a moment of silence for our loved bitchin who will die soon 😔 gone but not forgotten, she will always be in our hearts. all the best rides come to an end 😭

#ask

11 notes · View notes

mieczyhale · 5 years

Text

throwing together some of my recent/ish hc posts/tags for @hellomyguru bc its a thing, babey (i have no idea what you’ve seen and what you havent bc tumblr really just suck like that so lmao)

my tags on this post:: #HELL YEAH HELL YEAH #more pride hcs!!! noice!!#i love these sfm#like klaus always taking part no matter how bad shit is bc HIS PEOPLE!!! and ben trying to punch picketers and homophobes is fucking adorbs#and i would kill (whoop) for the day klaus makes ben corporeal during pride and ben can punch all the people and then disappear#vanya’s is cute. come to the light darling!!#and diego fksgjf okay listen whether one hcs him as bi or not this is 1000% something he’d do either way#he’s supportive!!! and he has lgbtqa+ family!!! and nobody gets to be mean to his family but him!!#see also:: the first year after the apocalypse is avoided five decides to tag along when klaus saying he’s taking dave to#his very first pride. he not only enjoys himself but he learns a lot and either then or over the course of the following weeks figures his#own labels out - bc i hc five as asexual and i just have a thing for klaus being the all knowledgeable one about something for once#and his siblings learning about gender and sexuality from him and maybe discovering something new about themselves along the way!#except luther. he’s a cis hetero and we all know it#but maybe he learns to be a good ally. maybe#i mean probably not but whatever#allison is the only other person in the family who i’d even consider calling straight#bc there’s nothing wrong with being straight and i just.. dont have another label that i think fits her really well#so yeah ive got gender and sexuality hcs for them all flgkscndn happy pride month bitches

my tags on this post:: #’you’re telling me this happens every year?? for a whole month??!’ #actually i need every possible concept of dave experiencing pride month and seeing how far things have come for gays#like rainbow shit everywhere#and of course the legalization of gay marriage#out and proud gay politicians and gay people in positions of power#the amount of support that comes when homophobic shit happens now#homophobia isnt the accepted norm anymore#another thing i like is the concept of - either during pride or just in general - dave being excited to learn about the community as a whole#his boyfriend is a nonbinary pansexual and klaus has explained before what those words mean but dave wants to really understand#we stan a supportive and loving couple#dave has a lot to learn in 2019 but i think this stuff would be the most important and have the most effect on him yknow??#shit isnt perfect but its better and now he can work on getting passed the environment he was raised in#so he can hold klaus’s hand in public and kiss him around other people without panicking and eventually he proposes because HE FUCKING CAN#HE CAN DO THAT. HE CAN JUST.. ASK HIS BOYFRIEND TO MARRY HIM. LEGALLY.#good fucking shit

my tags on this post:: #did you see the state of the sky in the apocalypse?? there’s a chance he really wouldnt have noticed#i mean like yeah it could be a funny plothole#but there could also be reasons for why thats not something he noticed#or idfk man timeline shit#maybe the moon didnt explode the first time around#maybe it did and there’s just another moon somehow some way#maybe he didnt notice bc he was first too scared and then too frenzied and angry probably and then he had shit to focus on and math to do#and then dolores wanted to go on dates to the local wine cellars and flat empty areas that used to be parks and then there was spending days#in the library together like having a girlfriend is a lot of work okay#maybe five just didnt have the time to slowdown and consider things like space#maybe his headspace was too fucked#sometimes you just forget about the moon - i know i do!#so sfgksncjf okay y e ah

my tags on this post:: #YES!!! #yes yes yes #okay #so#everytime someone mentions or even hints at dave having anger issues i wanna fucking cheer bc thats one of my biggest hcs for him#like yeah he’s sweet and gentle and respectful and all that - genuinely a good man - our lil jewish gay#BUT#he did grow up in the 50s and 60s which as op said would have surrounded him with a lot of toxic masculinity. now i dont think he would be#a toxic kind of masculine AT ALL but it definitely would have forced him to hide his emotions and feelings and idk hobbies and of course his#sexuality. and i say hobbies bc there isnt a canon answer for it i dont think but i personally hc dave as being someone who loves art#specifically: drawing. dave keeping a lil sketchbook and some pencils under the pillow on his cot in vietnam?? yes please#so anyway yeah - he wouldnt have really had any good examples of how to properly take care of your anger - although he has enough#heart and common sense to know its really fucking wrong to take it out on women and children and people one is dating WHICH - another hc i#have that ties into this is that somehow his dad found out that he’s gay and beat the crap out of him over it. because unfortunately thats a#thing that happens. so his main male example was an abusive pos. and then he goes to vietnam which is fine because its not like he has#anyone stateside that will miss him - that will talk to him anymore - and its a warzone so there are a lot of ways to work out your anger#and yeah that of course includes bar fights. and he does - usually - try and keep a hold on his anger until he’s away from anyone who might#feel threatened - and he doesnt wanna end up taking out an innocent on accident - but he’s not actually perfect and so sometimes he fails#and it happens around klaus one time and seeing his love’s reaction - the making himself smaller - trying to hide - going quiet and so#clearly afraid - and not just afraid but afraid OF HIM - freezes him to the core where he stands because nobody has ever reacted like that#before. or if they have he never noticed or cared because they didnt matter. but this is klaus. his klaus. who he loves and would never do#anything to hurt him. his klaus who he protects and defends and knows he wants to spend his life with - no matter how impossible it is#he wants to go to klaus and apologize - try to undo the damage done simply by him raising his voice and lashing out - but he doesnt know#what to say or how to say it - he doesnt know what to do with the situation honestly. so he leaves the tent and goes to take his renewed#anger and frustration out on whatever he can find so he can calm down and hopefully get into the right headspace to have whats#no doubt going to be a really hard conversation with his boyfriend. because where do you even start??#but of course they talk it out and dave promises to work on his anger and on how he lets it out and yknow.. its dave so klaus trusts him and#it takes some time - there are some incidents - but dave works hard and learns a lot from klaus - including how to unlearn a lot of shit he#grew up with - and its rough but having a partner from the future who breaks all kinds of barriers definitely helps#so y eah. those are my brief feelings on it and i wanna marry op

my tags on this post:: #!!!!!!!!!!!! #YES #i adore this post#i could never pinpoint why the introduction on the bus made me feel like That but this is it!!#its just so sweet and innocent - even surrounded by other soldiers in the middle of a warring country#the innocence and unbearable fucking adorableness of their first convo on that bus just… its so bright and lovely it makes everything else disappear#the only thing that matters is the two guys getting to experience that ‘o h’ moment for the first time in their lives bc their childhoods#never let them have that #i assume#bc like op said klaus didnt go to a regular school and he wasnt p much stuck in that house and then he was on the streets so#and for dave like.. i guess he could’ve had that moment in school? but it would’ve been one-sided and he never would have#told anyone. 1960s. gay jewish man. yeah.#they’re each others first (and only) loves and i just really fucking adore that and live off of posts about them

my tags on this post:: #what if he wasnt dead-dead though???#bc like… the day five found them all dead was apparently the day the apocalypse happened right? so its not like they’d been dead for days#weeks or w.e yknow??#and the time between klaus dying and coming back is varying and undetermined - there’s no canon timing for the length of his deaths#so what if he came back to life??#like okay i know its not really possible in canon bc five buried them i think?? or is that a fanon thing??#i cant remembering #anyway#but still - in general klaus not being permanently dead in the apocalypse is another possibility#and five didnt know about it bc after finding them all he began his 45 year journey#and klaus wakes up alone and essentially has to learn to survive and he doesnt know five was ever there bc..well.. yeah#five is long gone#maybe klaus lives out his days in that wasteland#and he doesnt remember it where five does bc five time traveled back and klaus didnt. the klaus that got stuck in the#apocalypse is a different klaus - like a different timeline. the klaus from ep1 never got stuck in the destroyed future so#he’d have no knowledge or memories of it or anything#or - second thought - he kills himself at some point after waking up and either begs god to let him stay dead or he strikes some kind of#deal with her so he doesnt have to return to whats left of earth#oooo or something happened that put a lock on his powers?? like yknow those cuffs and devices and stuff in stuff in fantasy that freeze the#users abilities?? that’d be an interesting plotpoint bc then like who did it and why and what was the last day really like? yknow#vanya’s meds but More is the idea #just a thought#but anyway idk im just a big fan of klaus with the inability to die and all the possibilities that brings

my tags on this post:: #i’ve actually never stopped to consider why he didnt notice them except for my v first tua watch-thru#which is odd bc like that seems like a thing one should notice after a few watches??#but w.e #anyway#my only other hc for that part of the episode isnt that klaus didnt notice them bc he’s used to guns#it’s that he didn’t hear them#or that they weren’t loud enough -to him- to register as gunfire initially#bc like one of my close hcs is that he has bad hearing. growing up with people screaming in your ears 24-7 365 can’t exactly be good for#his ears now can it? and with how loud some of them are and how close they can get to him - without touching him - that’s just.. a lot of#fucking volume okay#now add in the academy’s mission alert siren#how loud he listens to his music with headphones on when he’s trying to drown out some REALLY LOUD SCREAMING#and then being near gunfire growing up. those bank robbers had guns and weren’t exactly a big distance away#all the raves and clubs and parties he goes to?? places where music is played so loud the room shakes and you cant hear anything else and#the music itself can be heard from blocks away?? that’s an indeterminable amount of intense noise#and then of course the gunfire of vietnam#so like… boys ears have SUFFERED. whether they wanna acknowledge that in canon or not#so the shooting at the theater - the shooting thats IN the theater - which is large and meant to house sound#thats happening across a big city street from where they’re standing and they’re behind the food truck and if klaus was ordering when it all#started that was just another level of sound and he’s not exactly focused bc everything is awful yknow?? so either it takes him a second to#notice or register it on his own or maybe he doesnt and ben says something?? idk but that’s kinda the field i’ve landed on for that scene#not that im not here for op’s hc!!! bc it really is a good one and it makes sense. im just rambling my own theory here bc i like considering#the Ways for Things sometimes. esp with klaus involved. this does make me wonder tho… if his hearing somehow is -fine- in canon…. h o w?#bc like bitch who tf can take all that and have perfect hearing?? thats gotta be impossible. if they are fine is it related to his powers#somehow?? like.. does his casual passing between life and death all the time mean he doesnt have mortal ear weaknesses? its weird but im..#i’ve got theories.

my tags on this post:: #probably in the massive fucking pockets of his fluffy coat#see also:: a dealer’s place #a boyfriend’s place#an ex-boyfriend who is also a dealer’s place#a girlfriend’s place #a partner’s place#all ex’s of course bc dave is the only valid romantic relationship#he made friends with the person who owns a nearby thrift store and they help him out#he has a locker at a public place like the ymca#he only has one outfit before returning to the mansion so he has nothing to carry - ever on the move#he thiefs off of people in rehab and crackhouses he stayed in that are dumb enough to leave their shit unattended#when he sees something he likes or he feels its time for an outfit change#he mostly sticks with his lace up pants as far as bottom pieces go bc its much harder to sneak away with skirts#and the kind of crazy pants he likes. there’s only room for one pair of pants for this pan disaster#after returning to the mansion he has access to the funky gay clothes he had managed to aquire before leaving all those years ago#bc like… i kinda hc that he got out of there fast and probably higher than fuck and had nothing packed#have you ever tried to pack while high?? it’s harder than it has any right to be#crack theory:: he had a bag - we just never saw it bc in the beginning he wore it under his floofy coat bc safety and he didnt need it the#rest of the time.#i have a lot of thoughts and headcanony opinions about klaus’s time on the streets so thank u#for giving me a place to dump some of them

#a collection of my dumbass tag rambles about the umbrella academy #for the ever lovely #hellomyguru #im definitely gonna be thinking of more pride hcs tho bc... Gay.#oooo i should make a post about my gender/sexuality hcs for all the siblings maybe?? ive seen other people do that and like.. i wanna share #but i also dont want to be eaten by people who disagree so... mayhaps not.#idk.#anyway. i knew i typed a lot in tags but uh... i wasnt aware of how bad it was. whoops?#mytuaposts

12 notes · View notes

nerdygaymormon · 5 years

Note

okay so i got my blessing in the mail and. i literally cannot bring myself to read it. i feel queasy and idk. ive been hyped to get it forever bc it took so long but i just? i dont know who i am right now so i havent been to church in forever and idk. it sucks and idk what to do

Hi Anon,

First, there’s no timeline for opening that letter. Go ahead and put it somewhere safe, maybe inside of your scriptures. It’ll be there when you’re ready.

It’s okay to feel differently now than when you first received the blessing. Church for queer people is complicated. Life is a journey and rarely goes how we expect it to.

My hunch is when you’re ready to open and read the letter that you’ll feel some of the things you felt at the time you received the blessing. If you felt peace and love, you’ll likely feel some of that peace and love again. If you were anxious and uncomfortable, then that’s likely what you’ll feel when you revisit those words.

You haven’t been to church in forever and that’s okay. Sometimes we need a break while we sort things out. If you never want to go back, then carry on, enjoy the path you’ve chose. There are great things ahead for you.

If you do want to go back, that’s perfectly fine. Maybe a chance to see how it feels for you after working through some things. If you’re anxious about returning and don’t have someone to go with, then I suggest contacting the missionaries, they’re generally really nice and eager to help, and they like having people sit with them at church. Or if you don’t want to go back to where you used to attend, just show up at some other random location as a visitor.

There is a transition from when someone stops being an active member of the church. Give yourself credit for stepping away for your mental health and doing what you need to.

Again, no need to fret about the letter, put it away for a time when you feel prepared.

12 notes · View notes

galimatios · 4 years

Text

sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

#notes

0 notes

1-800-i-ship-it · 3 years

Note

ah okay so. for a long time i just enjoyed random media that gave me serotonin since i didnt really have other hobbies and then in 2018 i discovered homestuck. now im not going to like explain it but basically once you read it theres no going back and nothing else will bring you as much enjoyment as you get from reading it the first time :/ so from then on ive been on a long and arduous journey trying to find something that comes close and so far ive found like a couple things and one of those is orv <3

idk how to give recs so ill just give them out in media form?

games - undertale (best game ever), hades (its greek mythology and the mc is so good)

podcasts - penumbra podcast (space gays in love, found family and also lizard ot3), taz (balance comes closest to homestuck, its very good), wolf 359 (great story), zero hours (made me cry), tma (aaaaaaa) if you want more lmk

movies - legally blonde (its a classic), into the spiderverse and mitchells vs the machines, shrek and the old guard (im not that into movies lol)

shows - love death and robots (awooga the animation is so good), killing eve (hannibal for lesbians), good omens (idk its like a 6000 year old slowburn), pushing daisies (the costume designs are on point), what we do in the shadows (bi vampire himbos), and good cartoons like infinity train, gravity falls, owl house, hilda, kipo, shera, adventure time etc.

anime - i dont rly like anime as much but my all time faves are mob psycho 100, fmab and saiki k

these are all from the top of my head and most of them arent even that good but :P

-envy yjh anon

hi anon!

asadlkfjld homestuck haha yea ive heard a lot of things about it xD but im glad orv can also bring u some joy ^^

and omigosh haha thanksssss for all the recs <33

games - ooh ive heard of both! but i actually like barely game but i always get mistaken for being a gamer prob cause of my headphones lmao ive been asked that many times oops xD tho my sister is a gamer; maybe i will get into it in the summer

podcasts - ooh those sound really interesting! ok fun fact about me actually somehow i suck at listening to podcasts bc i just cant concentrate and listen to smth idk like i will get distracted ahaha which is very ironic bc i intern for a podcast but, we will see if i can improve haha and sure, if u have more go ahead if u want to share!

movies - ah yes ive heard of all those i gotta watch those too haha AND SHREK, A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE XD also dw i actually barely watch movies too ahaha i dont remember the last one i watched

shows - oh i was recommended killing eve before, and also been egged on my multiple mutuals to watch good omens xD will do so in the summer, oh also heard of owl house, and OMG ADVENTURE TIMEEEEEEE YESSS omigosh also bi vampire himbos sign me up

anime - ooh got it ty! ive heard of those before i think and my friend the other day was talking about fma vs fmab haha and also ive technically only watched like 2 animes so far lmao

ty for all ur recs!!

#bluris answers asks #envy yjh anon #i usually skim the transcripts LLMAO #idk whats with me #i constantly listen to music but i cant concentrate with podcasts or #maybe i should jus tlisten in the car ro wahtever or when im cleaning #anyways #thanks for writing all that out!#sorry for late reply i was like ok i'll respond after i finish all my elctures todaay that i need to catch up on #i finished 5/6 i have one more haha #i was about ready to chuck my pen across the room and i got annoyed at my profs voice so i wa slike ok maybe i should take a break LMAO #hmm want to tell me fun fact about yourself? or any fun faact or smth haha #have a nice day~

0 notes