disturbing
I was writing a post and at the end I was adding tags, as I do, and I typed the singular first person pronoun, I, and a list of tags popped up as suggestions that took me the fuck out. It was so disturbing I took a screenshot.
[image ID: a list of suggested tags, screenshotted. It's titled "popular" and the list is "I want to [star emoji]ve" "i wanna lose weight" "i sell content" "i love him"]
I wanna star-emoji-ve???? Well there's some pro-ana shit for you.
I don't know if the kids these days remember this but back in Livejournal around the era of strikethrough (the '07-'09 time period is where I remember noticing it) there was a movement to censor pro-self-harm blogs, that were support groups mostly supporting one another in more and more extreme anorexic/self-destructive/eating-disordered behaviors.
This is absolutely that. And they were like "it's self-expression" and everyone else in the world was like "it is actually a toxic encouragement of self-harm" because they were like, concretely instructing one another and recruiting vulnerable people to join them in ways to literally starve to death, they were support groups for killing yourself more or less, and so those tags would occasionally get banned or delisted or removed from search or whatever, but remember this was very early in the history of such things, and there was no algorithm. But people did use the browsing of blogs' "interests" to find one another, it was a feature of how Livejournal worked, and there wasn't a lot of moderation but the deactivation or delisting of those self-harm-encouraging tags were a hotly-contested bit of debate.
And so they got more creative, and found other ways to find one another, and people starved to death or otherwise irreparably damaged their bodies and their mental health and so on. I cannot emphasize enough, this was not fiction. These were not fictional stories depicting fictional scenarios that weren't happening, these were real people posting stories and encouragement and photographs of their real selves, showing off how much damage to themselves they were doing, concretely encouraging one another to do the same. This was not fiction.
But they kept finding new ways to talk about it so it couldn't be censored.
And then LJ deleted blogs for posting about fiction instead, and we all kind of forgot about it and moved on.
Highly displeased to find that it's all alive and well on Tumblr, to the point that it's the number one suggestion when I type the fucking first-person pronoun into the tag field, and I can't opt out of seeing that. COOL.
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yeah wow its almost like tme people can just ignore transmisogyny when it gets down to it. its almost like you know you're not in danger of getting permabanned for no fucking reason. "complexities of institutional transphobia" say transmisogyny. say it. you and i both know that the reason you can act so casually about this is that you're not the target here.
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This is eating me up inside, I genuinely want to know why is Steve so okay with putting himself down and everyone just thinks it’s fine? Like no one questions why he thinks so lowly of himself even though he’s done a lot to prove that he’s more than what the show let on. I think it’s weird how in a conversation he’ll slip in comments about himself that are negative. I also think it’s so gross that he can’t have a moment of confusion without being disrespected and I know it’s supposed to be funny but at a certain point someone should really ask “is Steve okay?” I can bet money that the answer won’t be yes.
I also want to add how come Eddie (someone who doesn’t even know Steve from a can of paint other than school) find something nice to say about him and not put him down. This also adds to my list why I think steddie is real but that’s for another time
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i can’t with people saying “that was a happy ending for izzy” do you hear yourselves? him dying in the same way he always believed he would, a hard death, a painful death, when he was just learning to want more? when he was just starting to live for himself and not for ed, a death for the very same person he lived his whole life for? that’s a happy ending, to you? are you hearing yourself?
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Wow! Your Ignihyde redesigns are so fucking ugly! So hideous and uninspired, and their ugliness is only amplified by your very poor drawing skills and even uglier art style! And it's laughable how you really believe that you did better than the official designs, never do that again, you can't design or draw for shit.
too late i'm already planning a heartslabyul redesign lmao
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I just think Tallulah gets to be upset about this. “It’s not Wilbur’s fault” “He’s not a bad dad” “He loves his daughter so much” yes! These are all true! And it’s not his fault! But he’s still not there. And Tallulah has gone through so much and still hasn’t seen him, the one time he was around was the one time she wasn’t, and all she has are letters and “I’m thinking of you always” and things that used to be theirs together, but he’s still not there. She’s waited and she’s been patient and she’s loved him all the same, and he’s still not there. Like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, from the happy milestones to the traumatic events, he’s still not there.
She knows that it’s not his fault, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s absent. That in and of itself just adds to the sorrow, because she knows why he’s gone, and she’s been told time and time again it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, she knows this - it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, that it doesn’t hurt, that she doesn’t yearn for her father to be there more than anything in the world, and he’s just not there.
So yes, she gets to be upset, and be caustic, and stomp her feet and write bitter messages, and be angry and vitriolic, because she’s a little girl missing her father, who feels things with her whole heart and soul - and that means she gets to feel the ugly parts of it, too.
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man. watched nimona today and none of you freaks prepared me for how heartbreaking that movie was gonna be to watch as someone who was a suicidal queer kid.
trying to embrace the role of being someone monstrous only to end up being hurt by the very armour you wear, all the little ways people close to you hurt you and how it builds up over time no matter how good things are other times, not wanting to sacrifice any part of your identity no matter how its hated, y'know?? seeing no way out of the constant cycle of betrayal and hurt by 'allies' but finally giving them what they want. becoming so clouded by grief and agony and loneliness that you aren't yourself (but beneath it all you still are (you can still hear a voice in the shadows roars of pain)).
brother how am i supposed to emotionally recover from this one. that reveal is going to be on my mind forever this movies gonna stick with me.
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