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trekkele · 3 months

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You mentioned in one of your tags that you'd like to write a fic where the batkids find out Alfred wasn't so awesome a parent to Bruce and I wanted to ask if you'd like to share some ideas and directions where you could imagine it going?

Would it change the way the kids think and act around Alfred? Or Bruce? And what are some Major Mistakes Alfred made that in retrospect make a lot of sense regarding Bruce's parenting? And what sent the boulder of realisation going in the first place?

I know it sounds like I'm asking for spoilers or the actual, complete plotline which you probably haven't thought out yet, but I'm just curious about various versions of situations and realisations you think could happen. Or things that you'd like to work into your fic but it just wouldn't fit.

Basically, I love your writing and I love this kind of DramaTM within the Batfam and I'd cherish any crumb of information you would like to share.

Thank you and have a wonderful day! <3

Ok so this premise does rely on good dad Bruce, not because shitty parents cant come from shitty parents (they do, usually) but because i think seeing Bruce not do the things Alfred does would be how the kids (specifically Dick) realize what kind of parent Alfred is.

And this is really a reaction to the “Alfred is a saint for putting up with Bruce” fandom attitude because if you, as a parent or a guardian, are incapable of parenting a kid, no matter how difficult that kid is, it is your responsibility to either find a way to become what your kid needs or find someone who can. I know a lot of us had shitty parents but a traumatized nine year old shouldnt be “put up with” or “handled” they should be parented. At the very least they should be loved, and they should know they are loved. (Gets off parenting soapbox, climbs onto fandom soapbox)

Also every time i think about this fic i start thinking “maybe Alfred deserves some more grace” because he was put in a pretty impossible situation immediately after losing two people he deeply respected, if not loved, and lets be reasonable the 80-90s were uh, not an ideal time for difficult parenting, and the therapy available for children back then would have probably made things worse if not outright given Bruce ptsd (if he didnt already have that), so theres that. On the other hand, Alfred is also fairly consistently shown as being deeply unkind about idiosyncrasies, and unwilling to admit when he’s wrong.

And theres only so many times you can call your adult child an idiot, and imply that you believe every one of their choices to be invalid or wrong, before it turns out that you are Part of The Problem, or at the very least, A Bitch.

Anyways.

The thing is, i dont think it would change much. I think they might stop taking Alfreds word as gospel, especially in regards to Bruce, and i think they might be more forgiving towards Bruce when he messes up in the long term, but the truth is that whats it going to change? How do you apologize to someone for that? What are you apologizing for?

Because ultimately i dont think Bruce is ready to admit that Alfred is, or was, wrong. Bruce knows he was a bad kid, a difficult kid. His teachers and his family and the newspapers, and even Alfred, have admitted that Bruce was a hard kid to raise. Probably harder to love. He’s never surprised when people leave him, after all.

He does know his own kids don’t deserve that style of parenting though. But thats because they’re better than him. He has to do better because they deserve better, because he chose to be there for them. Alfred never really got that choice, did he? Bruce’s parents trusted Alfred, and Alfred stayed out of his respect for them. Not the bratty kid who cried for a year and refused to speak and would hide under the bed instead of sleep.

And thats another thing - if Bruce admits that Alfred wasnt a good parent, if he admits that Alfred made some terrible mistakes, does that mean he’s betraying the trust his parents placed in him? Is he casting blame onto two people he can only idolize, because to do otherwise is to admit he doesn’t remember much of them anymore?

As for how the kids find out, i think Dick realized in his own. I think Jason realizes because Dick stops him from walking in and interrupting a conversation between the two and before he can ask whats going on he hears Alfred slap Bruce. Im not sure about the rest.

*i started answering this, got distracted, finished writing it in my head, and then forgot i never answered it in reality. But i think thats most of what i wanted to say.

#asks #but feel free to ask me something specific #i think hitting your adult child is a Big Deal #i think hittinh your child child is a Big Deal #but the batkids wouldbt be around to see it #and to answer this before it comes up #no i dont think alfred hit bruce. i think the slapping is a. like once a year thing #but it does display a level of comfort with that behavior that Jason would recognize #also once is too much lbr #i love alfred i do but WOW fandom refuses to engage with any of his more complicated behaviors #that man did a decent job with bruce but he absolutely fucked up in some way #cw abuse mention

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gratisdiamanten · 1 year

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lmao i want you to answer all those qs but #1,2,8,18

So honored my opinions are even readable given how much I write literal droning nonsense like a self absorbed social sciences prof. Anyway I'm sorry if these warrant unfollowing:

1. The character everyone gets wrong

I wrote like two paragraphs on Daniel, and then I deleted them bc these are actually nicher complaints; I think most people aren't that guilty of them!

I personally feel that people are often kind of off with how they write Max wrt his childhood (kind of irked by the A+ Parenting Tag as a concept, like imagine tagging someone's specific real life abuse sitch with a Witty Phrase), and I think there's a poor sense in general of the impact Jos had on him. He's not particularly prickly about his father, but has a stilted relationship. They call each other constantly. Max had a long term infatuation with him, IMO (I say infatuation bc crush has a different connotation that I'm not even going to unpack). That actually started declining around 2018-2019 which I have wild speculative opinions on. Now he's like... kind of just in an obligatory state. He wants to have a racing team with him! But I think that's because he has nothing else in common with him anymore. Blood and gasoline.

2. A compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

I don't think Max couldn't top but I don't really write him doing that. There isn't really a rationality bc I dont think necessarily your irl behavior correlates at all with your behavior in the bedroom unless you actually are trying to project that kind of thing (which some people kind of do outside of sexual situations) but it's not a personality trait.

Also I write a lot about trauma and violation and shame and having him prefer that while it's coincidence or not similar to his trauma just works narratively idk. What he actually likes IDRC.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

When one of them is gay and one of them is bisexual, and one of them is sexually confident and one is sexually insecure, everyone makes Daniel the confident bisexual and Max as the homophobic homosexual. This is one of those things that regardless of the actual reality, the evidence doesn't support, idk. Daniel no-homos with the best of them from the 2000s and Max will easily admit to being on gay hookup apps and liking both men and women. If you have narrative reasons that's all well and good but don't act like that's how they are irl!

18. It's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Dead dove fic in general, I think there's honestly less than in fandoms I've written for in the past. More specifically:

Jos and Max to SOME degree. Freak take I know but I see more Leclerc brother/leclerc brother fic than that. Which doesn't even like, work thematically that well to me, at least the way they do it. Idk. I don't really write porn in general, more about like, family horror a la the gothic tradition, but anyone who's been there long enough knows the pervasive incestuous themes in those. Anyway. The codependency and room sharing and Max being his mother's personality double and whatever. In Supernatural fandom they'd eat this shit up... and yet we are writing a/b/o concubine fic as our dead-dovish media of choice. Obviously it's easy to understand why people don't, I just think for locked-fic ao3 world it's an untapped market.

#SORRY for the long post #asks #anon #ask games

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apocalypsegay · 3 years

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*the only ones who can fix this are the devs, and there’s only so much they can do without upending the actual plot (which yknow, is in their power to do! i’m just not expecting they will!)

[tw #incest ]

1. first they have to apologize and admit that during the writing of this game they never once considered adoptive family as family. i’ve heard people excuse these relationships as acceptable because “they dont treat each other like family” which! actually! i did too! this is what makes this situation so complex, but then you HAVE to stop and ask yourself: why don’t these characters with the same mother treat each other like siblings? that’s because the writers don’t consider adoption to be family. this is pretty much the source of all the issues in the main and side plots. the root of all evil, if you will.

2. I know they don’t consider adoption to be family because Demeter calls Poseidon, Hades and Zeus her foster brothers; this isn’t speculation, “foster brother” is said word for word. Zeus also wants her adopted officially into the family. There’s even one of demeter’s conversations where she basically puts emphasis on how she’s not zeus’s actual sister because they’re “just” foster family. it doesn’t get more blatant than that. The game then proceeds to have Persephone marry Hades without a single objection on the basis of familial relations. What? What on Earth??? This is a situation that did not need to exist: Demeter could’ve said she was born to a different Titan than the Main Trio without referring to them as any kind of brother and that would have been IT. The devs created this problem themselves because, again, they didn’t think foster or adopted family would get in the way of their marriage.

3. megaera’s relationship to zag is actually super duper easily fixed. for those who may not know, the Furies were born of nutsack blood. a titan got castrated and when blood hit the earth the Furies sprang forth. Now, there are versions where they sprang from Nyx - I’m going to assume this is why they suddenly had Megaera be taken in and adopted by her, which they did, because... they didn’t think adoption is real family and it wouldn’t get in the way of a romance between her and zag. again, the devs themselves created this problem.

4. thanatos and zagreus’s romance, on the other hand, can’t really be fixed without uprooting zagreus’s relationship with nyx, which is a big part of the plot. Nyx “gave him life” after he was born dead, Nyx raised him, and Zagreus is very clearly betrayed when he finds out she’s not his birth mother, despite how much the devs insist that he knew she wasn’t; this is simply not backed up by the text of the game. Then, we are given several contradictory statements between what’s in-game and the devs’ explanations: the game implies Thanatos was already grown up and even knew Persephone personally, the devs then tell us “they’re childhood friends,” but then also insist they were “raised separately.” We aren’t given any explanation, in or out of game, as to why Thanatos would not see Zagreus as his brother, since even he would think Nyx is Zagreus’s birth mother. We are also not given any reasons as to why Nyx would raise Zagreus separate from what by all means would be his own birth family. And, finally, even if raised separately They Have The Same Mother. I would not date my parents’ secret adopted child that they raised away from me (and in this case Zagreus wasnt even a secret).

5. Nyx considers Zagreus her son. Even Zagreus says, and I quote, “you raised me as your own.” Nyx confirms that Megaera is “a daughter to [her]” and that Zagreus is “[her] child.” I would link directly to all of these, but I don’t want to risk this post just not showing up: hades-dialogue @ tumblr has these quotes under the characters’ given tags.

6. basically, i realize and understand that these characters don’t see each other as family, but there is no satisfactory explanation as to why they wouldn’t. the only explanation is they don’t act like family because the devs don’t see them as family because they’re not blood related, despite statements from the characters themselves that they are each other’s brother and sister and mother and son etc

im saying all of this as someone who needed a hot second and a good few conversations to realize all this; i’m not trying to demonize anyone who may be tangled up in all the contradictory statements in and out of the game. i’m not trying to say anyone who’s trying to explain these relationships as non-incestuous to be as fucked up as people who willingly ship siblings and ride on the “not technically related” clause. i’m trying to explain why these things were written this way, and why this way was wrong because it bases itself on a false premise.

in the end: i just want these devs to take responsibility for their mistakes and oversights instead of giving us excuses that don’t match up with what they actually put in the game. not everyone can go chasing them down on twitter to see what has been confirmed and debunked, and what's said on twitter doesn't hold much weight if it's outright contradicted in the game iself. this can’t be fixed until they stop backpedaling and actually own up to the situation they created so that we can know for sure and trust that they’ll put the work needed to fix it.

#hades #hades game #hades game supergiant #zagreus #thanatos #nyx #megaera #thanzag #zagmeg

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girlmounter · 3 years

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URGENT QUESTION TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS, I NEED YOUR FEEBACK!

Okay so here's the situation. I am asking you all to please please read this through and like, maybe tell me if I made the right decision... because I feel terrible about this. I would love it if someone told me if this is correct or wrong and I should've done something else. I'm not a popular blog, so whoever this post might reach (which is not going to be a lot of people) please please take some time out to read this through. I know it's a really long post, but I really really need your opinion on this. If you don't have the time right now, maybe just reblog it and save it for later. It would also help this post reach more people. Also please check the tags for the trigger warnings.

I have been going to a therapist for about 5 months now. My mom, as you probably know by now, is narcissistic and my dad enables her, along with my mom's parents who we live with. I have no siblings, and I just turned 17. Since we live in Asia, all you desi people know how hard society is on us when we go against our parents, who are supposed to be godly figures.

So all along, my therapist, (for confidentiality's sake we'll call him Sam, 21), has been bent on making me talk to them. I dont know why. I've tried explaining so many times that talking to my mom is not an option because 1) NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE DON'T EVER CHANGE and 2) my mom WILL use all my words against me and twist them into whatever she wants and later bring them up to bring me down. You guys with narcissistic parents know this shit too well.

It's not like I haven't ever even tried talking to them, I have! I've done it so many times, with a calm tone, in the most diplomatic way possible. There were times I tried to get the point across by crying and being desperate too. There were also times where I thought anger might work out.

It never did. It doesn't. It won't, because she is not looking for solutions or for mending the bond between us. All she wants is to infantilize me and keep me under her control forever. Mom and dad both want this. They don't ever want to let me out of their sights. They don't let me out of their sights.

A very long story short, I am supervised 24/7, I don't have much of a phone, I don't have friends, I don't have any family members who would support me, I don't have much of a family either tbh. I am monitored like crazy, gaslighted every single day, lied to, manipulated like hell, and babied to the point where it's just narcissistic infantilization and not concern anymore. To them, I'm a baby when it suits them, and I'm an adult when it suits them better that way. She doesn't care about what I think because apparently I'm a liar and to all those people out there who know the smear campaigning and the flying monkeys and the triangulation....yeah. All of that happens on a regular basis. I know I'm not providing any concrete proof and situations but please believe me. Please believe me. My memory is so shot I can't remember anything and i know it doesn't work out in my favor but please please believe me I'm telling the truth...

I have made three suicide attempts, I used to cut and was very badly addicted to it, and now I don't cut, but yeah I'll be sharing the reason in a little bit. Please hold on, this means a huge deal to me. Please don't scroll past this.

So Sam never really even had a smidge of doubt that my mom might be narcissistic, and I wasn't given the benefit of doubt either. After months of research when I myself figured that it might be narcissism, I told him and he went along with it. He does believe me now. But somehow I don't feel very understood. I dont feel better after I talk to him. I feel like my problems are trivial and that I'm just not working hard enough. I feel misunderstood and I never feel satisfied. I asked him for tips to deal with crushing loneliness and panic attacks and stuff like that, but I never receive real answers. When I asked for help with my suicidal thoughts, he just said that it's never an option and that's it. That's the only answer I got. When I asked for help with cutting, the only answer I got was that if I even tried to cut again, I'd lose him.

Like. Is that really how therapy is supposed to work?

Half of the time we just while time away, talking as if we're friends and I mean, it's a paid session. We're not very financially well off right now, what with the pandemic and everything, and we're paying him 2000 INR a week. It's a lot for us because we ain't exactly rich. That's like 10,000 INR a month.

I try to talk, I'm told that I don't stop talking and don't let him speak. When I don't speak, I'm not speaking enough. I dont feel comfortable anymore in a way that I think I should be with a therapist. I have recieved more helpful advice from actual PhD psychologists who are making videos on dealing with narcissism on YouTube. I feel more understood by them than I ever have with him. So many times I have left the session crying and hours later I'd still be stifling tears. So many times I don't feel heard and I feel like if I told him something he'd be angry. Sometimes he snaps and is like way too straightforward and it just doesn't do well with me. He doesn't support a lot of stuff that I support, like anti body shaming, especially for overweight people and stuff like LGBTQIA+ too, really. I'm mocked in an underhand way if I express that I support stuff that he doesn't really like. It's not straightforward but... I can't shake the feeling.

I do sometimes look forward to the sessions, if only because I'll have someone to talk to...but that's pretty much it. I'm not getting anything out of this. He claims that no one will understand me the way he does, and he keeps comparing my life to his, which I don't like. He says that in a way he and I both very similar and he relates to me and then proceeds to tell me about events in his life. He says that I'm his favorite client and now a good friend too, but I feel like that's not how it should be. And I do make an effort to listen to him tell me stuff about his life but...shouldn't it be the other way round?

Now I'm not saying that he is a bad person. I have loads of my own issues too; severe depression, crippling anxiety, overthinking every freaking thing, I'm like 100% sure I have complex PTSD from this childhood trauma, constant pain everywhere, crazy headaches, flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations sometimes, and major emotion repression. I'm dealing with a million and one things right now and yes that might be causing me to feel worse about this situation than I should. I admit that I'm not exactly thinking about this in a diplomatic way...but somehow it doesn't feel right, and hence this really long post.

If you're still here, thank you so much. Your reading this is doing something that means a lot to me. Truly.

He exercises a lot, and he gave me a whole schedule to follow with the meals I should eat and the exercise I should do and somehow I never feel like I'm doing enough. If I miss out I can't tell him because he always reprimands me for messing up. I dont feel comfortable about opening up and then he forces me to do that and then when I do I don't feel better.

Lately, we'd been talking about how I need to tell my parents to their face what I feel is wrong with their actions, and how without that happening there's no point to our sessions anymore. Straight up went that if I don't talk to them on this Sunday, then we're not going to have sessions anymore.

I tried explaining to him many times how my mom will never change, how I don't want to enrage them further, how I don't want to give her more information on my life that she can use against me again...but no use.

He insisted over and over again on how she has no idea what she's doing to me, and if we just talked it out, my whole situation will be fine. This is just a huge misunderstanding.

I tried so hard to make him understand that that's not how it works for her, she doesn't want to resolve things and she'll just jump at the first chance she gets to use all my information against me, but no. I tried telling him that I have talked to her before and that I also used to think that if I just told her what they were doing wrong, then they would understand and mend their ways, I mean it took me YEARS to convince myself that it was never gonna happen! I tried it so many times and everytime I fell for this trap and everytime I regretted it but he doesn't get that! At all! That they're never gonna change!

Instead of helping me get over them, instead of telling me how to move on, instead of helping me grieve over my entire childhood... he was forcing me to talk things out with them, because if I didn't tell them I would be keeping it inside me and letting that fester would be bad.

I agree that it's not healthy for me to keep things to myself, which is why I talked to him right? And the things which are troubling me cannot be resolved with them because they refuse to change their ways!

The only thing that would come out of that family discussion is me at a disadvantage and them at an advantage by having all the latest scoop on my life and then have my mom (who is a doctor who has also done a course on CBT) psychoanalyse me even more than she does now. I'd be tailed harder. It will get worse and I know it. I've seen it and I promised myself that I would never make the same mistake of opening up to them honestly ever again. And here Sam wanted me to that very thing.

And I agreed initially, I tried convincing myself that maybe it'll work out and after all, Sam will be defending me and everything (even though he did say he would support them if he found them correct) but I didn't feel good about it. I remembered that a therapist is supposed to make you feel more at ease and let you take your own time to process through things and never force a client to do something if they had doubts about it.

And so I texted him today, and I refused. He said we won't have any more sessions, but I said it's fine. Because I don't want to go to him anymore anyway. I think I would rather have no one to talk to, than have someone belittle my experiences and just overall make me feel worse than I did when I first entered the session.

There's more stuff that was related to this, and if you guys want to know something before making your judgement of this situation, please please please ask me, message me, but please just have a bird's eye view on this whole thing and tell me if I made the right decision...please.

I would really appreciate some feedback right now.

Thank you so,so much for sticking with me till the end of this post. It means the world to me, honestly. I couldn't thank you more.

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itsmattsunshinehere · 4 years

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So here goes nothing....😅😅😅 I have thought of a scenario where a student is studying marketing and has offered herself to promote karasuno's volleyball team. And as she is working with them she makes friendships and developed crushes and love and all that good stuff. With a lot of fluff please.♥️😋♥️ If u can't that's just fine still will love everything you put out your so talented and I love you♥️♥️♥️♥️

Okay so first IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG PLEASE DONT HATE ME 😫😫

I had some difficulties writing it because I didn’t know if you wanted reader to come from Uni or simply Karasuno. You also talked about developing crushes and Im a fool for Daichi so yeah it turned out as a Daichi x reader lol But feel free to ask for another one if you don’t like it!! Thanks for your request, you’re so kind and honestly I think there are people here on Tumblr more talented than me but omg thank you I love you please let me know what you think!! 💘💘💘

-L

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Sweet lovin’.

Sawamura Daichi x reader.

synopsis: just Daichi helping you open a letter from your University.

word count: 1.6 K

tags: fluff

~~~

"C’mon Y/N, open it!" the boy on your right encourages you.

You're a little anxious, your hands are shaking slightly while you carefully unlock your phone. You can't calm down: you know how important is that email, you've been waiting for two weeks now. You open the inbox, but immediately lock the screen, not feeling brave enough.

You knew that getting into the university you were aiming to wouldn't be that easy, so you immediately took as many courses you could to prepare for the various entrance tests you’d have to do. Even so, when you found out you had to bring a completely new and original project, (the promotion of a product completed with data and graphs concerning sales), you were quite surprised not expecting it and soon you started panicking as you saw the million challenges you’d have to face, not to mention all the pressure you felt: after all it was the task you would have to submit if you wanted to be admitted to the marketing courses in what could be your future University (if you made it).

You are resolute and organised, you’ve been making plans for your future since you were really young, thinking about what your job would be when you grow up. You've always liked to read and recommend books to your friends or parents, so you decided to work for a publisher and evaluate which manuscripts to publish and which to discard. But it is clear that to do such a job you also need to know how to sell a product: it is therefore essential for you a degree in Marketing and Communication. You had calculated everything, down to the smallest detail, and yet in front of that email just over two months ago you had trembled, finding yourself deadly worried. On the other hand you had never done anything like this, starting from scratch, without anyone’s help and that’s what was most likely to have determined your admission.

For days you were scrambled to come up with an idea that could represent you 100%, and then you found yourself one day in the school gym in front of the entire men's volleyball team, on the orange flyer in your hands it was written in capital letters "LOOKING FOR HELP FOR OUR MANAGERS."

"Help us grow! If you are interested, come look for us: Sawamura Daichi (3rd year, section 4); Shimizu Kiyoko (3rd year, section 2)."

You immediately saw the opportunity behind that simple piece of paper. You had found your "product" to advertise, it was the opportunity you were looking for and you could not let it got; that's why you let instinct take over you and you headed straight to the gym; you hadn't given it too much thought, knowing too well that if only you'd stopped for one more moment to reflect, you'd only come out with more doubts.

You were presented to your "project" and they had welcomed you with open arms, especially Nishinoya and Tanaka, happy to have more people in their big family and that could lighten the load of work for Kiyoko and Hitoka. Although at first you had no intention of becoming a manager of Karasuno, day by day you had bonded more and more with those guys, finding yourself one day crying in front of everyone because of how boded you were when Hinata gave you with a beaming smile the team uniform. You had learned to appreciate each one of them, everyone with their own special personality, trying to help them as best you could during their training: several times you happened to assist Kageyama and Hinata till late and help them improving their spikes, or healing the wounds and bruises that Noya got, not to mention all the afternoons spent trying to comfort Asahi, in an attempt to raise his self-esteem a little. Then along with Hitoka and Kiyoko you draw posters and opened a fund for the team, you created a page on Facebook by posting constant updates, just as you had created a Twitter profile where only the three of you, Daichi, Suga and Professor Takeda had the access (coach Ukai refused to take part in something that complicated). You saw how slowly your crows got up again attracting more and more attention, just as you had seen your project take shape and come true.

After about a month of joining the team, you had taken the train to Tokyo along with the three third year and Kiyoko, who had decided to come with you to bring all the necessary documents for the application and the eventual registration. Careless as you are, you would surely have got lost, that's why Suga asked you if he could join you and after hearing him, the others had also offered to keep you company along the way.

Finally, another email had arrived on your phone: for three days you did not even look at your inbox, too scared to find out that you had been refused. Not to mention that of all the possible days Suga, being aware of your crush on the captain, had decided that today was the best day to give his contribution and leave you alone with Daichi to tidy the gym putting the last things in place, hoping that you will muster up courage to take the first step and confess. It’s obvious saying that his hopes are unfortunately misplaced.

Daichi, being the kind person he is, seeing you more nervous than usual asks you if you had heard from the University and suddenly you turn pale, telling him all your concerns.

"Good heavens Daichi, I can't do it, please look instead!" you beg the boy by your side. You have the feeling that, if it’s him the one who's telling you you've failed, it's going to hurt less than reading it with your own eyes. The captain picks up your phone with one hand and yours with other, making you blush instantly.

You don't know how or when you started having feelings for him, you only know that at some point you started paying a lot more attention to what he told you and noticing all the details of his face: how he purse his lips when he scores a point, how he snaps his tongue with frustration when during training he fails to serve or receiving Asahi’s services. Of course, you immediately tried to hide it all, choosing to focus on the first years and prevent Tsukishima and Kageyama from biting each other’s face off.

"You have to tell me the passcode, Y/N." he replies with a chuckle, trying to calm you down by caressing your hand in circular movements, causing the opposite effect.

You feel your heart beating wildly, you're not used to having so much skinship between you two, neither being so close with him. Of course, it had happened other times that accidentally in removing the net he touched your hand, but you always tried to pretend as if nothing happened, obviously failing: Tsukishima and Sugawara immediately understood that you had feelings for him, as well as Kiyoko, who immediately encouraged you along with the setter.

You give him the password and watch him carefully swipe his fingers across the screen, opening the inbox and reading the email carefully. After what seems like centuries, he rolls his eyes towards you and with a smile he turns your phone towards you. You rip it out of his hands and read until you find the magic word: ACCEPTED.

"You made it Y/N, you got accepted." He congratulates you and, in a moment of pure euphoria, you throw your arms around his neck, clutching him as tightly as you can as he bursts out laughing and hugs you back.

You feel so comfortable in his muscular arms, you feel warm, feeling almost as if you were home. You would never want to move away, but after a few seconds you two separate, you redder than ever, while he looks at you, smiling, holding once again your hand with his and you look down on the ground regretting being so careless.

"Sorry, I didn't want to jump on-" You interrupt as soon as Daichi raises your chin and brings your face close to his, looking into your eyes, his lips brushing yours, softly, delicately, kindly, almost as if he's afraid of breaking you.

When you separate you look at him surprised, with your mouth agape, unable to say anything, because DAICHI JUST KISSED YOU. You are speechless, trying to understand that what just happened is not a mere dream. The boy meanwhile waits for your reaction, but seeing that you are still silent he lets out a laugh, rather embarrassed by all that courage he showed you just now.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I don't know what’s gotten into me. I'm sorry I should have told you first, but you know I like you so much that seeing you-" he tries to explain you, but you interrupt him right away.

"You what?!" you ask him, your eyes wide open, as he looks at you even more nervous than before, he just wants to sink and disappear sucked into the ground.

“Yes, I've liked you for a while, I thought I'd tell you one of these days. I thought it was pretty obvious..." He tells you, scratching the back of his neck with one hand. You suddenly take the other hand.

“I like you too!" you say with a smile. You remind him so much of a little girl who just got the gift she wanted for her birthday. He can't help bursting out laughing again seeing your happy eyes, wrapping you again with those arms you love so much.

“That’s good, you know? I was dying of shame." He whispers sweetly in your ear, while you smile, letting yourself sink in the warmth of his embrace, chuckling back.

#anime #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haiky?!!#daichi x reader #hq daichi #daichi #daichi sawamura #daichi sawamura x reader #karasuno x reader #karasuno #karasuno daichi

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ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years

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a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years.

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid.

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best.

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever.

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment)

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair.

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going.

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

#theres probably so many more i mean #ive been on parp for at least 5-6 years now #ive been on cherubplay probably the same amount of time #and my memory is totally shot to fuck but these are just what i know ive done in the last YEAR #or thought were wild enough to remember #i put it under a read more bc frankly its really fucking long #and i dont want this to represent me entirely #these are also heavily situational based and not like. emotion or reaction based much?#some of them are #i guess i could rename this to like. things ive done on parp #but theyre technically still headcanons a lot of them can coincide with whatever #so theyre not very specific situations #anyways #this took me an hour

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fcnna · 5 years

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❝ Even if you are a small forest surviving off of moon alone: your light is extraordinary. ❞ MILENA TSCHARNTKE? No, that’s actually FENNA VAN DEN BERG. A SIXTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE/THEY identifies as GENDERQUEER and is a MUGGLEBORN who is known to be FICKLE, ESCAPIST and DISTANT, but also ARTISTIC, STEADY and INDEPENDENT.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: susanna kaysen (girl, interrupted), chidi anagonye (the good place), pam halpert (the office), riley blue (sense8) HELLO gang, so this is a rewrite/repost of my old intro. fenna is now sixteen, not twenty six, and she’s a puff rather than a beauxbatons graduate. some of this will be the same, some will not! yeet!

history

fenna is born to a dutch family in the city of utrecht as the youngest of three. her family is a rich one --- one of the richest, actually. they’re ambitious and cunning and success and reputation are words that fenna is all too familiar with growing up. there is no room for oddities or rebellion or putting a toe out of line and fenna doesn’t mind. they’re good at rules and doing what is expected and falling in line, anyways. it’s safe. it’s easy.

her father has to go abroad for work. a lot. germany, france, belgium, the uk ... he’s more away from home than he’s not. when the company he works for (or, well, partly owns, really) has a great opportunity to become even more global, he drags his family with him to england, where they settle in manchester. it’s an exciting thing, to move across europe when you’re seven, but a sad one, too. fenna says goodbye to all their friends and teachers and weeps in the car and refuses to learn english.

they do learn, eventually. fenna doesn’t have much of a choice, as they attend muggle private school. and once they know their way around the language, they do well in school. unaware of the fact that they’re a wix, there’s a lot of pressure on their shoulders and they work hard, their focus iron-like, their wish to please their parents great. but in moments of stress, their magic shows --- and fenna is scared of it. fenna does not tell their parents, out of fear of disapproval and raised eyebrows, not wanting to admit that this is something real in the first place. in stead, they get the best grades and play the piano and keep their worries locked in their heart. magic isn’t real.

and yet, the truth comes out one day. fenna is a witch, they’re all told, and it’s a shock. they are to go to a school in scotland and study magic there. it’s a shock. it’s like a bomb goes off in their home. but here’s the thing --- their parents didn’t stop loving them. and yet, something did change in the way she was loved, and fenna -- quiet and observant -- noticed it all too well.

because here’s the thing --- when you’re a witch, you can’t go to one of the top universities in the uk and become a doctor or lawyer or politician, you can’t fill the mold that comes with being a van den berg, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t. and that was what life was all about for fenna up until now, and what it is still all about for their family, and suddenly for them, that was over. so things changed. slowly but surely and eventually disastrously ( but we’re not there yet ).

so fenna was off to this boarding school, with their eyes wide open and their heart hammering. from day one, a wedge started growing between them and their family. whether it was disapproval, insecurities or the distance that forced it, no one really knows --- but it was there, from the beginning, and only grew bigger. meanwhile fenna did find themselves at hogwarts, falling in love with magic and the feeling of control they got when spells went right. the pressure was off from her family ---- what did they care if they succeeded in magic? it’d not mean anything in the muggle world. doing well at hogwarts was something fenna did for themselves and yes, that still made them stressed and anxious and the pressure was still there, but it had lessened, changed.

fenna started sending less owls to home. they and their family grew apart more and while that happened, they found something called independence and that it came quite easily to them. fenna learned what living for themselves was. they learned that, damn it, there were no dreams for great successes in law or politics living inside of them. there was a passion for art, though, for all kinds of it. painting especially, was what they fell in love with.

queerphobia tw / after her fifth year, fenna had grown into an independent, but solitary person. their art had become better, their passions grown bigger, their relationship with their parents as fragile as a bomb. fenna spent the summer at home, trying to see what was wrong, what was happening with them and their parents. in the end, they decided that something was just horribly wrong. their parents were no monsters, but they struggled with fenna’s magic, and their wishes to become an artist, with their gender and sexuality, with everything, really. there were fights. there were disagreements. fenna felt terrible, being home, and longed for the end of summer, for a return to hogwarts, for a place to feel at damn home end of tw

it was just hard, with their family. there was never any real confrontational harsh destruction, never a moment of outspoken disapproval or disappointment. everything was kept in the shadows. in their home, there was no room for honesty, and if there was, it was like a bomb exploding, with everything coming out. it was suffocating. fenna couldn’t do it any more.

i do think that this moment during summer break was significant. it was a push for fenna to grow more serious about their passions. they want to go to art school, want to do what they want to do, because they know that they will never be happy doing what their parents want from them. they’re ready for the world, to chase their dreams --- i mean, it’s utterly terrifying, but fenna is finally daring to think about a future in the arts, rather than a future with more stability, one that fit in the image they always had of their own future.

and then they return to hogwarts and the war breaks out. the war is ... well, it’s fucking terrifying, frankly. fenna is no fighter, they know that. they’re no good with dueling or offensive spells. they’re no good in any of this, frankly ---- fenna craves control in everything in their lives and they dont have that with this war, especially as it does target people like them. for now, they are neutral, cowardly hiding in the shadows. they know that there’s things to do, that there should be things she could do, that she should not hide in fear but --- how do you not do that, if that is your instinct?

personality & ramblings

meet fenna --- your local tortured artist! sad pal, with a good heart but a lot of insecurities and doubts clouding it. i’m going to try and just summarise their general personality here!!

fenna is first and foremost independent. they don’t rely on anyone but themselves, and like it that way. they don’t feel independent, they feel absolutely bloody lost, but they are. this partly comes from the fact that they like to feel in control and at this point, they do hold a lot of the reigns when it comes to stuff in her life? they also rly like things that are logical because of this, like maths and arithmancy and potions

fenna is ... both incredibly emotional and completely rigid? in their private time, they cry and rage easily, but to the outside world they’re definitely quite composed and rigid. fenna is good at pretense and masks and not showing all that is going on.

as a friend, they’re nurturing and kind and always down for a spontaneous night of shenanigans. doesn’t like DANGER but does like shenanigans.

idk i can go on for forever theyre such a mess

nsfw / fenna’s genderqueer/femme. they use both she/her and they/them pronouns --- it depends on how they’re feeling, but also who they’re with, tbh. they’re pansexual/panromantic and very easy when it comes to sex. puts the ho in art ho! nah but for real they sleep around and they don’t think much of it at all tbh, sex is fun and it relaxes her and it’s a good time for everyone involved / end

oof such a romantic, deep down. just aesthetic wise for sure, but also ... fenna does love like, jane austen and the bronte sisters and old romance novels and shitty romcoms and ahhhh. does believe in true love but ? have they given it a shot? really? not rly. too afraid of it.

also, def has some stereotypical muggleborn stuff going on. never used quills, thinks the wizarding world is a mess always, etc. they also love muggle culture in general and is addicted to netflix tbh. VERY MAD ABOUT THE PHONE BAN! they miss pinterest and netflix big time.

depression & anxiety tw / fenna is depressed & has general anxiety disorder. both are undiagnosed at the moment, as they don’t really . understand that something might be going on, or rather are in denial about it. i mean, to a certain extent they know that something’s not right, but they don’t want to take any steps to find help, because they downplay it Big Time in their mind. the war is definitely contributing to all this. end of tw.

honestly they just want to move the fuck away from this war, either back to the netherlands. they dont! like! this! war.

i could see them joining the MA, somewhere along the line? but rn fenna just. likes sitting in their corner. escaping from this shitty reality. smoking some pot. painting some shit. ignoring the reality of the world.

ALSO I RLY STRUGGLED W THEIR HOUSE BC LIKE FENNA WOULD DO SO WELL IN RAVENCLAW BUT! I THINK THEY WORK WELL AS A PUFF BC IF YOURE THEIR FRIEND THEY ARE SO LOYAL! AND THEY DONT MIND HARD WORK when its GOOD work and also theyre just. a nice person.

#iidyintro #here to bring you the NEW fenna ig!!#not much has changes theyre just younger

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reignmyworld · 5 years

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My soul belongs to you Part 4 - Roman Reigns x Reader

Note: Please note that this story takes place in a Greek Mythology respectively Greek Underworld AU, also in modern times (hard to explain, see for yourselves :D). So please bear with me if I mess up with the accuracy somewhere. :-)

Summary: You are a barista at Starbucks, having noticed that there is a customer visiting that coffee shop on a regular basis, but although you have seen him several times already, all you know is his name: Roman. One day your life takes a turn for the worst when you receive a fatal call, telling you that your sister is fighting for her life. You are willing to give your own life in exchange for hers, you are willing to give everything to save her. Little do you know that someone was listening to you, someone was willing to save your sister’s soul and take yours instead. And you soon have to figure out that there is more to this world than you would have ever believed.

Warnings: angst

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

In order to read the other parts, please enter “My soul belongs to you” in the search on my blog. You should find them then without further problems. :-)

Tag List: @queenofthearchitect @trixdeee @calwitch @alexisbagans143 @the-queens-reign @mermaid-at-heart @taryndibiase @kingslayers-reign @scuzmunkie @happelu970 @vebner37 @sausagefest1996 @yndaree @i-prefer-queen @nikora3010 @aria725 @ersotoruiz @ashhdaniellee95 @roman-hetfield @lustyromantic @i-dont-care-i-ship-it-69

He was nodding his head, a sad smile on his face. You wanted to believe that you were trapped in a bad dream, that it was all just a beautiful nightmare, but you knew that this was indeed real. Actually, you were not one of the faint-hearted but after all that had happened, this was simply too much for you to process. You must have fainted as the next thing you remembered was that you woke up in a comfortable bed in a rather comfy room. You lifted yourself up carefully, looking around, trying to figure out where you were. The room was rather big, its interior primarily of black, violet and golden colors. You were lying on a huge king size bed, a beautiful bed canopy surrounding you. There were huge windows letting in some light while beautiful violet curtains surrounded them.

You had no idea where you were and it took you a few moments until you remembered everything. Your shift at the coffee shop, Roman’s strange behavior, him telling you that it was time for you to go, that strange cave, that three headed dog, the realization, that hit you when you figured out who he actually was. If you would have been in your own bed now, you would have said that it was just a weird dream, but the reality hit you hard. All of that really happened, your sister indeed magically survived, you sold your soul without knowing it and no matter how often you wanted to file it under rubbish, you had to accept that you apparently were in the underworld now, a place that you loved to read about but were rather certain that it didn’t exist.

Now that you had the time to sort your thoughts and your feelings, now that you had the time to think about it, you wanted to cry as you felt betrayed. You made a deal, that you didn’t even know, that it was on the table at all. Would you change your decision and not give your life for your sister’s? Of course not, but at least you would have expected to be told the truth. You had to laugh although you sounded anything but amused. Yeah, as if you would have believed anything about this in the first place if someone had bothered to tell you about it. The more you thought about the situation you found yourself in, the more realization hit you. You had read enough about Greek mythology to know what the underworld meant; it was forbidden for a mortal to access it just like it was forbidden for someone dead to leave it. That was what Cerberus was there for, making sure that no living being entered the underworld by accident just like no dead soul was supposed to leave. This meant, that you either shouldn’t be here or that you literally traded your life for your sister’s and that you were actually dead.

As you thought about it, tears were falling on your cheeks as this was way too much for you to handle. It was not primarily the problem of believing any of that, of accepting it. Sure, you had your problems with that, but you had already read a lot about it, having to admit even back then that you could accept the possibility of all of those myths or legends being true to a certain degree. What you could not handle, however, was the fact, that you were at a place, that you apparently weren’t allowed to leave, a place, where you had to stay, a place, you wouldn’t see your sister and your parents ever again. Before you could think twice you were burying your head into the pillow, crying your eyes out. You had no idea how long you let despair wash over you, had no idea how much time had passed, but as soon as you felt that you could trust your composure you left the bed. You wanted answers, you wanted an explanation for all of this and there was only one person, that could give it to you.

As you were searching for Roman - Hades - however you should call him, anger started to boil in you. You had no idea why but you felt betrayed, felt as if you had been brought to a place against your will, being forced to stay there. “The rape of Persephone”, you mumbled as you remembered one of the myths, you were reading and your anger grew as you couldn’t help but to notice the parallels. You had no idea where you were, had no idea where you were going. There were countless floors, countless doors leading to countless rooms. By the sheer dimension you would have guessed that this must have been a castle or rather a palace. “Sure where else would the ruler of the underworld live?”, you asked yourself sarcastically as you turned around the next corner, hitting hard against an obstacle.

Before you could stumble backwards you felt a strong grip around your arm, hearing a familiar deep voice shortly after. „Easy there. You should be in your bed resting and not running around here.“ ,Roman said as he made sure that you wouldn’t fall. You stared at him, exclaiming louder than you wanted to: „You... I want some answers and I deserve them now. And don’t even think about telling me to head back to where I came from.“ He was crooking an eyebrow at you before he shortly nodded his head, stating: „You are right and you shall have them. But not here. We‘re not the only people in this building and I’d rather not have other people listening. Just follow me.“ You had been freeing yourself from his grip in the meantime and started walking behind him as he headed for one of the countless doors.

When he opened it, you found yourself in what looked like a huge living room. The whole furniture and interior was mostly dark again but it nevertheless looked surprisingly comfy in there. Roman gestured to you that you should sit down on the couch with you following his request while he sat down on the opposite of you in a big chair. Before he had the chance to ask what you wanted to know, you already started: “How dare you bring me here, taking me away from my family? If that’s a contract I have unknowingly signed, fine, so be it. But you at least should have given me a damn head’s up with regard to the terms and conditions."

„Would you have believed me?“

„Probably not, but...“

„If you knew, would it have changed your opinion? Wouldn’t you still have traded your life for your sister‘s?“

„Of course not, I still would have done anything to save her.“

„Then I don’t understand your problem now.“, Roman concluded as he studied your face with your anger boiling even more as you hissed: „Are you just playing dumb with me? You don’t understand my problem? You basically took me away from my life, took me away from my family. You didn’t make me aware of it, didn’t give me the chance to adjust to it, didn’t give me the slightest chance to somehow say goodbye to my family. Can you even imagine how they must feel now that I’m suddenly gone as if earth had just sucked me in?! I’m away and they have no clue why. They must be sick of worry just because the god of the underworld decided to be a massive dickhead.“ You talked yourself in fury bit by bit. He crooked an eyebrow at you, wanting to know: „Do you really think that you should talk to me like that? I haven’t made the rules. That’s how it is meant to be. If one soul is supposed to leave, it is my duty to make sure that it arrives here safe and sound. If someone else offers to take that soul’s place, who am I to decline? Besides that, I have asked you whether you really would give your life. You basically had a choice.”

You shook your head angrily as you snapped: “Yes that’s exactly how I should talk to you. Don’t try to play dumb with me. You run this place here, you make the rules. And how kind of you to ask whether I’m serious. I guess that’s at least one more choice than Persephone had, isn’t it?” You could see how his face darkened as he wanted to know: “What did you just say?”

“Oh I bet that you understood me pretty clearly. Are you really that desperate that you have to kidnap people instead of giving them a choice?”, you wanted to know enraged with him responding icy: “You shouldn’t talk about things, you have no idea about.”

“Oh well, I think I know exactly what I am talking about. She may not have traded her soul but you did the same to her like you did to me. You kidnapped her from her mother, brought her to the underworld, where she had to stay for all eternity, just because you had decided that you wanted her. Don’t fucking tell me that this looks like a damn choice. A choice you basically haven’t given me either, even if the circumstances were different. You are a sad example of a god and an even sadder example of a man. I just hope that she had the chance to escape by now.”

Before you could continue he had jumped out off his chair, having moved over to you, where he was towering you, leaning down, his whole body radiating danger while his face was just inches away from yours as he hissed: “I appreciate that you have studied my story into detail but you shouldn’t believe everything you read. It never happened like that and I sure as hell don’t owe you an explanation. I have saved your sister’s life and you should be forever grateful for that. Life is no fun, decisions, that have to be made, are not always easy. You wanted your sister alive, you have to pay the price for that deal. And now you should shut it before I’m dragging you back to Cerberus, offering you as a little snack for him. You’re a guest in my world, so act like one. And now get up so I can show you everything in your new home.” You locked eyes with him, anger and fear battling for dominance as you got up, pushing him away while doing so.

As he tried to regain his balance, you snapped: “I don’t give a fuck who you are. I’m not a guest around here, I’m your hostage. This will never be my home. And I want you to know one thing and you better write that down. I’m not Persephone, I won’t kiss your ass in the end, I won’t accept my fate. And if I have to make your every encounter with me miserable, I will gladly do so. You will regret, that you have brought me here without asking for my consent and you will gladly bring me back to my family, because I can assure you that I’m making it hell for you that you have brought me here. You are a lame excuse of a god and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that your family has damned you to rule over the dead because apparently no mortal could deal with your presence.”

You knew that you were harsh, knew that it wasn’t exactly fair because - apart from taking you to the underworld - he hadn’t been anything but friendly and polite to you, but you couldn’t change it. All of this was way too much. You missed your family, you missed your friends, your job, your life… And being aware of never getting anything of that back, just had the worst of you.

Before he could say a word, you pushed past him, leaving the room as fast as you could, slamming the door behind you. You rushed back to your room, not giving a single fuck about the beauty of the palace you were staying in nor about what secrets the underworld might have to offer to you. Once you reached your room, you slipped in, locking the door behind you, before you threw yourself on the bed, burying your head into the pillow and crying your eyes out once again. It didn’t take long until you heard a severe knocking at your door, followed by Roman’s deep voice: “Y/N, I can understand that all of this overwhelms you, but locking yourself up in that room, doesn’t help one bit. Just get out of there.”

“Just fuck off.”, you yelled with him answering annoyed: “Wow pretty mature. I said it before and I say it again. You are a guest here, start acting like one.” You couldn’t help yourself as you shouted back: “I’m your fucking hostage. Stop twisting the reality. And now leave me the fuck alone and let me somehow get used to the fact, that I have to see your sorry ass for the rest of my miserable life down here.” You were sure that he was standing on the other side of the door, probably thinking what he could say next, but whatever it was, he decided against it, as you heard him stomping away. You tried to take a few deep breaths, tried to somehow regain your composure and most of all, you tried to work on a plan how you could leave, how you could be reunited with your family.

The next days you stuck to your word as you weren’t leaving your room. You were extremely relieved that it had its own bathroom and much to your surprise there was a plate with food in front of your door on a regular basis. Roman had tried to talk to you from time to time but since you ignored him all the time, he seemed to have given up, although you were sure that he was the reason behind the food magically appearing in front of your room.

As days went by you were thinking about your family, missing them terribly but at the same time you noticed how you calmed down, how you were somehow able to accept being where you were for now. You didn’t want to stay and you sure as hell didn’t want to see Roman, but you nevertheless felt how you turned curious, how you wanted to see where you were, wanted to know how the underworld looked like, wanted to see with your own eyes, whether it was indeed the pitch black hell mythology books wanted to make their readers believe.

#roman reigns x reader #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns #roman reigns x you #roman reigns imagine #roman reigns x y/n #roman reigns story #roman reigns series #angst #roman reigns angst #greek underworld au #greek mythology au

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simxiety · 5 years

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[ loner | family oriented | lazy ]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG why r there so many questions </3

@viiavi tagged me(and mayb someone else??? i dont know tumblr notifs are awful)

uhhhmmm i tag @ratboysims @felicitum @bullsim @keysims @bratsims and uhhmmmmm any1 else that wants to do it just say i tag u

also here’s a bad edit of my simselfs outfit its cute and basically what i wear everyday gotta wear those nikes get some good ass arch support u feel me

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? byrd

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? byrdie, b

3. BIRTHDAY? june 3rd babey

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? harry potter

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? ye s

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? i dont think i have one. picking faves for literature has always been hard for me

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? i listen 2 podcasts

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? ummm dark chocolate or mango

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? awesome

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? thank you next look its a good song ok

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? ridiculous but how my mom says it like a harry potter spell

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? ummmm something by halsey i think

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? im binge watching greys anatomy so that i guess but also my fave show of all time stargate

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? moana

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yea

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? failure

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i give good cuddles

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i have no patience and i worry too much

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? yes(dogs)

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yes! we’re getting married next october :-)

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? no responsibilities!!! no bills!!!! also my moms cooking

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? her name is lauren but also my fiance and my dog

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? dark green

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my fam, my fiance, my dogs, my close friends

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my fiance 100%

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my parents i worry about their health and also my sister bc she’s in a new relationship

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? my sisters dog just had puppies so im excited to see them

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm rn sims

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? probably rugrats and also x files

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my dad

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? hell yes big time

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? well i still cant drive so like. driving i guess

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT?uhhh behind i hate when others take pics of me lol

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? writing and simblr i guess

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? actually i think it was the adventure zone graphic novel does that count

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? the crimes of grindelwald

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i can sing

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? owls

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? i feel like im on the spot ummmmm @felicitum @keysims @smart--milk @surreysimmer @hesitantpixels

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? u ever seen heroes? remember how peter was like a sponge well i wish i could do that but with like, normal knowledge/skills. like if i met someone who was a carpenter or dr i could shake their hand and i knew everything they did about that and could learn new languages that way too. i wanna b a sponge

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in my bed w my fiance and dogs in a cuddle pile

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? when we ask blu if she’s a sleepy baby and she tilts her head

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? none bitch

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? water all day every day im a camel hi

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? uhhh probably recently at work

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? as i get older yes

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? when people talk down to me because of my identity or age

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? yea!! the last one we went to was p!nk im pretty sure

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? no

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a cardiologist

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? hmmmmmmmm probs harry potter tbh

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? money!!!!

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? yes and no

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yup!!! i dont sing as often as i used to tho its sad

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? no

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? i really love big bear and catalina island

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? doesnt really matter as long as its not a big city and relatively close to family

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? we have 2 doggos

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? tbh i am a mix of both now, tho i used to be a night owl

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunset

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no :-)

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds sometimes headphones hurt my ears esp bc i always wear glasses

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yes and im getting war flashbacks

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? pretty much anything besides hardcore rap, country, and religious music, also nothing too poppy

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? probs my mama

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? ye

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? when they only brew decaf at work

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? both

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? i really loved english

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? i have two brothers and two sisters

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? flowers for my mother in law

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′7″

75. CAN YOU COOK? yes

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? coffee, purple flowers, the lil potbellies that all puppies have

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? decaf coffee, peas, when people say my name wrong

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? uhhh i guess just bc thats who im around more

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? gay af my dudes

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? i live in southern california

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my mom i think

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a while ago

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? garrett watts is fun

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? sure

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? digit it saves me money

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? im super close with my parents and relatively close w my fiances parents as well

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? hmmm probs middle eastern

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? seattle

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 3

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? lmao no

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? both but i tend to lean more towards the ocean

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? not at all im a chicken

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? nope

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? y...es

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? n o?

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when i am wrong lol i dont care too much about being right

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest 100%

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? trust your instincts

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? hufflepuff

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? sometimes

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? v big introvert

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? no

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? kind of

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? pick it up and return it to its owner

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? yes but they have to believe in it too

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? yes but u cant tell nobody knows ok thanks

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yeah they’re cool

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? my ears and my septum

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? sam carter from stargate shes smart

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yeah i have 10 i think

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? opening up to people

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? 110% yes

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? yeah i want 5 but i dont think i can afford that many someone start a gofundme for my future babeys

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my best friend

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? i told my middle school crush that i liked her and then she told everyone and thats the story of how i repressed me sexuality until i was 20

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? many times

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yes but carefully planned and well thought out adventures where i have a checklist and a binder of all the information i need listen i am v anxious everything is scary

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? when i was a baby i was on the news lmao

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 25

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? to thine own self be true wow super lame and cliche thanks im tired is this done yet

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savory i dont have much of a sweet tooth

#tagged #about #simself #i stayed up past my bedtime to do this #im sleepy

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thetravelerwrites · 6 years

Text

Commitments: Part 2 (Gargoyles Fanfic)

Rating: Teen Fandom: Disney’s Gargoyles Relationships: Goliath x Elisa Maza Additional Tags: Marriage, Wedding Day Trigger Warnings: Light Language, Sex Mention Words: 3443

It's the day of the ceremony. Elisa has a heart to heart with her mother and father. Please leave feedback!

October 24th, 1999: Goliath and Elisa had chosen this date for the ceremony because it was five years to the night of their first meeting, when he had plucked her from the sky after, admittedly, scaring her off a parapet.

Unfortunately, their union could only be symbolic and not legal. It would also have to be a secret from everyone except for their family and closest friends, but they figured, what else is new? Elisa had long been a target of hate groups for merely having alleged, unconfirmed connections to the Gargoyles, and coming out publicly as one of their staunchest supporters hadn’t done her any favors, but openly marrying a Gargoyle would not only have been extremely controversial, it could have cost her her job, home, safety, and possibly even her freedom.

After talking with Amy, Goliath’s public defender who now acted as the Gargoyles’ legal representation in all civil matters, he had learned that there was a law prohibiting humans from marrying any being that was not also human, regardless of level of sentience or intelligence. Which meant that Elisa’s relationship with Goliath was technically bestiality and as such, illegal. Attempting to obtain a marriage license could have landed them both in jail.

There had been no such law as of 1997, Amy had told him, and she surmised the law had been pushed through in secret around the same time the Gargoyle Civil Rights Movement was being fought in court.

Eighteen months after Gargoyles had become public knowledge, the Gargoyles of the Manhattan Clan and many of their allies had testified in front of a grand jury for the Gargoyles’ very right to exist without persecution. After a lengthy battle and many sacrifices and concessions, they had won.

Following the trial, a bill had been passed granting the Manhattan Clan American citizenship, basic civil rights, and put them on the endangered species list, which automatically protected them against unlawful imprisonment, exploitation, experimentation, assault, and murder.

Before the GCRM, ending a Gargoyle’s life had no legal ramifications whatsoever, but after the bill was passed, the act of killing a Gargoyle while they were awake had been classified as murder. Any person responsible for the killing of a Gargoyle could face up to 25 years in prison.

Destroying a stone Gargoyle was seen as a “common law murder” and carried with it a much lesser sentence, but the prosecution would have to prove that the stone statue the defendant destroyed was a living gargoyle. Otherwise it was simply malicious property damage, though it could possibly be tried as a hate crime.

The bill also protected any human that associated with the Gargoyles from retaliation or discrimination, which finally allowed Elisa the chance to proudly support her friends for the entire world to see. It felt great to stand with them as an advocate after hiding them and keeping her friendship with them a secret for so long.

Despite this historic victory for their kind, there was still much prejudice and hatred toward Gargoyles and the people who stood up for them. Their bold willingness to take on public opinion had afforded them some liberties, but in the eyes of the world, Gargoyles were still practically animals, and the bill had done nothing to change that.

There were new laws in place to protect Gargoyles against threats and violence, but seemingly nothing to defend them from discrimination. In fact, several xenophobic laws that had not previously existed prior to the GCRM seemed to have quietly popped up out of nowhere.

There was a law that protected the right of any public, private, or federally owned business to refuse service to Gargoyles, including hospitals and clinics. Gargoyles also could not secure a job, license, or any property that exceeded $2000 unless they could procure a valid social security number, while at the same time there was a law prohibiting Gargoyles from legally obtaining a social security number. Gargoyles were also barred from attending any state funded schools, including trade programs, and could not earn any certificate, diploma, or degree. Amy was working to change the laws, but progress was slow and she was meeting opposition from all sides.

It baffled Goliath and infuriated Elisa, who was now forced to uphold these ridiculous laws. She hated it. It was unconstitutional and disgusting and she loathed every second that she had to be a part of it. It very nearly caused her to quit the justice system altogether, because this wasn’t justice, it wasn’t freedom, it wasn’t the same system that had convinced her to join the police force in the first place.

This was a perversion of civil liberties, bigots hiding behind a mask of equality, using the publicity of the Movement as a distraction to quietly impose their will on her friends without anyone realizing it. It made her sick to her stomach, mostly because there was nothing she could do to fix it.

The only thing stopping her from planting her boot firmly inside someone’s rear end the next time she heard the term “flying rats” was Goliath’s steady patience and temperance. He constantly reminded her that no one couldn’t stop them from affirming their love for each other, regardless of these new laws. He didn’t care who found out or how many jail cells he’d have to sleep in, he was committed to becoming her mate and nothing would stand in his way.

He loved her; nothing else mattered. He told her this every night, and every night she needed to hear it just to maintain her daily composure. But she was still angry.

The day of the ceremony arrived cool and comfortable. Elisa awoke at noon in her parent’s apartment, where Beth, Maggie, and Derek had also been staying, not just for moral support but protection in case word got out.

Since there were six hours until sundown, the process of getting ready was leisurely and relaxed. Elisa had decided to forgo several things considered normal for a wedding. There would be no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flower girl or ring bearer, no best man or maid of honor. How would they choose one, anyway?

The ceremony itself would be short and simple with no frills or embellishments, other than Goliath and Elisa reciting vows that they had written for each other.

One thing would be done according to tradition, her father insisted, was walking her down the aisle himself. The ceremony would be taking place in the main hall of Castle Wyvern. Goliath would be standing at the fireplace with Diane with all their friends and loved ones gathered around them, and Peter would hand her off to Goliath. But, she said pointedly, he would not be giving her away as if she were property. Peter had held up his hands in acquiescence, laughing.

She wouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress; she instead wore a simple gown made of sapphire blue satin, to match the ring, with a low back and a short train. Attached to the straps was a small glass lily suspended on a silver chain that would dangle halfway down her spine. It was sleek and elegant with just a hint of slink. Beth had bought it for her in New Orleans during her post-semester vacation a few months ago, before Goliath had even asked Elisa to wed him. She and Beth often didn’t see eye to eye on fashion, but she had to admit this dress seemed like it was made for her.

She wouldn’t wear a veil or carry a bouquet, either. She did put her hair up, though, held back with a kanzashi in the shape of a blooming peony that Katana had given her as a wedding gift.

An hour before sundown, Elisa and her party loaded into two taxis and headed toward the Eyrie building. Maggie and Derek took to the rooftops and likely would arrive at the castle before them.

As they approached the building, Elisa had to admit she was feeling nervous. She tapped her foot anxiously and wrung her shaking hands.

“Wedding jitters?” Diane asked, sitting beside her.

“Yeah, I guess,” Elisa replied shakily.

Diane laid a calm, warm hand on her daughter’s cold, clasped ones. “Second thoughts?”

“No,” Elisa said firmly. “None whatsoever. I love Goliath. Marriage is unnatural for Gargoyles; he’s only doing this for me. And I want this, Mom. I really want this.” She shook her head and exhaled a trembling breath. “I don’t even know why I’m so nervous.”

Diane laughed gently. “It’s completely natural to be a little nervous, sweetheart. I needed several bellinis and a shot of tequila to marry your father, and even then, I thought I might ruin his shiny new shoes. Of course, that could have been the tequila.”

Elisa breathed a soft laugh. She looked at her mother shrewdly. “You’re really okay with this, aren’t you? Me and Goliath, I mean?”

“Of course I am, baby,” Diane said. “I want you to be happy. If Goliath makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you.”

“Dad wasn’t so sure.”

“Yes, but that’s just how fathers are, Elisa,” Diane tutted. “Remember your first boyfriend, Lucas?”

At that, Elisa laughed out loud. “Junior prom, first date, Dad sitting at the dinner table, cleaning his guns. How could I forget?”

“He did that with every boy you brought home,” Diane chuckled. “He also really liked giving those boys a rundown of all his arrests and showing them awful case files, just to shake them up.”

“Ricky ran from the house before I had time to get dressed for our date, remember? He was too scared to even look at me in class for weeks.” Elisa laughed.

Diane nodded, and they found themselves in a fit of giggles, holding each other. After a moment, they tittered to a stop.

“Goliath isn’t intimidated by Dad’s gun collection,” Elisa said.

“No, that he is not,” Diane agreed. “To be honest, honey, those boys you dated before were no match for you. You need a man who is just as strong as you are, even if he isn’t exactly a man. You’re good together. You’re a lifeline for each other. That’s something you don’t just give up on because it’s hard; the trials are what make it all worthwhile. And the two of you have had your fair share of trials. You have earned each other. Nothing else is important.”

Elisa smiled gratefully at her mother and hugged her around the shoulders.

“Thank you, Mama,” She said.

“Always, baby girl,” Her mother replied, returning her hug.

The taxis pulled into the private carport reserved for the Xanatos family. Xanatos had given Elisa and her family a code to use so they could avoid getting out in the company parking complex or in the street outside.

Peter and Beth had exited first, and Peter opened Elisa’s door and offered Elisa his hand, who smiled up at him and accepted it. She walked arm-in-arm with her father to the elevator, with Beth and her mother trailing behind, holding hands.

The sun was going down as the elevator opened to the top floor. The Maza family walked out into the open courtyard to reach the private room just off the main hall, and could see the Gargoyles on their perches in the red-gold light of sunset.

Unlike the other Gargoyles, who faced outward in their typical vigilant poses, Goliath stood inward, straight as a rail, head bowed, with his wings folded around him. According to him, this was traditional gesture for when a Gargoyle declared their intentions for another. It was also traditional to stand in the perch of one’s intended mate, but Elisa didn’t perch, so that aspect was overlooked.

Waiting for them in the private room was Derek and Maggie, who had arrived first as Elisa predicted. Owen had rather thoughtfully put out a small refreshments table for the bridal party. Xanatos had offered to throw them a big wedding with a reception and everything, which Elisa had refused in no uncertain terms. This smaller touch was much more fitting.

Also in the room were the stone figures of Angela and Broadway, crouched defensively around their egg. They were understandably protective of it and had taken to sleeping in this room during the day, as it was far more secure than standing out in the open over a one hundred and thirty story drop. Since the castle no longer had a rookery, and even if it did, keeping a single egg in there would be superfluous, the anxious parents-to-be took to guarding their precious cargo closely. When they were awake, the bundle never left Angela’s arms. Even during missions, Broadway and Angela took turns staying with the egg, keeping it within view at all times.

Elisa understood. It took a very long time for Gargoyle children to be born: six months gestation in the body of the female and then a full ten years as an egg. Elisa thought nine months was a long time to wait for a baby. She couldn’t even imagine the kind of apprehension and patience it took to wait for over a decade to meet your own child.

But, she reflected, if that’s what it took even for humans, she would do it. She would do anything to have a child. Before she met Goliath, it wasn’t something she had given much thought. Back then, she was much more focused on her career and wasn’t sure if she even wanted kids. If and when she decided she did, she figured she had plenty of time. Now that she knew it wasn’t a possibility with Goliath, it was all she could think about.

Elisa had talked to Beth and Maggie about it the night before. Maggie lamented that she wasn’t sure her augmented body was capable of bearing children or what effects her’s and Derek’s altered DNA would have on them. Beth and her girlfriend Serena, both only 21, had no interest in children. They both sympathized with her, but what could be done?

In Goliath, Elisa had found her true equal and soul mate. She was overjoyed to be with him and wouldn’t change a thing about their relationship, other than more social acceptance. Her mother was right, they had earned each other and they deserved to be happy. A child wouldn’t necessarily make it that much better, but still. Still. It would always be in the back of her mind, the one thing just out of reach.

Just as they settled in, cracks began to form in Angela’s and Broadway’s stone exterior. Instead of the normal explosive way they shed their skin, they carefully shifted this way and that to slither out of their cocoon, diligent even in sleep about protecting their offspring.

“Elisa!” Angela exclaimed upon seeing her, rising to her feet. “You look lovely!”

“Thanks, Angela,” Elisa said, embracing her.

“Are you nervous?” Angela asked as Broadway came up behind her, holding the egg.

“A bit,” Elisa said.

“I’ve never seen a human wedding before,” Broadway said. “Other than on T.V.”

“Neither have I,” Angela said.

“Well, this won’t be your average wedding, Big Guy,” Elisa said. “I dumped a bunch of the traditional stuff I didn’t think was necessary. This’ll be pretty bare bones compared to most other ceremonies.”

The door opened. Lexington, Brooklyn, and Katana entered the room with Matsuko, who had her tail wrapped around her father’s hand.

It was an odd contrast to see Brooklyn next to Lexington now, who had at one point been his and Broadway’s equal in age. Brooklyn no longer crouched when at rest anymore; that was apparently a trait among young Gargoyles or ones on the smallish side, like Lexington. Brooklyn had aged over forty years in the time stream, though it was more like twenty in equivalent human years, and his countenance reflected it. He stood much taller than before and straight as a post next to his mate, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Elisa felt a little like Lexington had gotten the short end of the stick. Compared to Broadway and Brooklyn, who were both mated and fathering children, Lexington seemed a little left out. He was always his usual cheerful self, though, and never seemed bitter about how things were.

“This is so exciting!” He said brightly. “Aren’t you excited?”

“That’s one word for it,” Elisa said wryly.

Katana grinned to see her gift in Elisa’s hair. “It suits you,” she said. Brooklyn smiled fondly at her.

“I love it, thank you again,” Elisa said.

“Goliath is in the Main Hall,” Brooklyn said, his voice deeper than it used to be. “He and the others are setting up and getting ready.”

“We’d better join them,” Derek said, nodding to the others in the room. All except Elisa and her father moved toward the door.

“Hey, guys, before you go,” Elisa said, addressing her Gargoyle companions and her family. “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to have you all in my life. You guys have been the best friends I’ve ever had, and I don’t know how to thank you for it. I know that this is all a little alien to you, and I’m honored that you’re all a part of it. I don’t know who I would be without you and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate each of you. I love you guys.”

“Aw, Elisa,” Lexington said shyly. “We love you, too.”

“I look forward to becoming part of your family,” Angela said. “My father loves you. His joy is my joy.”

“We’d better get going,” Diane said. “I need to get into position and prepare Goliath for the ceremony.”

Elisa nodded. They hadn’t done a rehearsal. This was all being done with no prep-work, largely because the ceremony itself was going to be short and to the point, so they hadn’t felt the need for it. Elisa was rethinking this now, perhaps a bit too late.

The others left to get into their places, leaving her alone with Peter. He held out his hands for hers, and she took them, facing her father and willing herself not to cry.

Peter shook his head, smiling gently at her. “I can’t believe it.”

“What?” Elisa asked.

“My baby girl. My firstborn. Getting married.”

Elisa laughed. “Technically. Not legally.” She looked up at him, wincing. “Does that bother you?”

Peter shrugged. “Laws change. In ten years time, who knows? Maybe you’ll renew your vows with a real license in hand.”

“One can dream,” Elisa said wistfully. She looked up into her father’s eyes. “I’m glad you and Mom are being so cool about all of this. I can’t imagine what you thought when Goliath first spoke to you about it.”

“Well, to be honest, we’d have supported it regardless. Nothing Goliath could have said would have actually mattered,” Peter replied.

Elisa frowned. “Why not?”

“Because I trust my children,” Peter said. “If he had asked you and you said yes, there must have been a damn good reason for it. Even if I don’t fully understand it, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad decision. You’ve always been a good kid, Elisa. You were the one out of all your siblings I never had to worry about. You always had a good head on your shoulders. Hell, you never even had a rebellious phase, and you could have been a real monster if you wanted to be.”

Elisa flinched at the use of the word monster.

“Sorry,” Peter said. “Not what I meant. I should have said disaster.”

She playfully nudged him, laughing a little.

“You’re smart, Elisa,” Peter continued. “Smarter than your old man ever was. If you say this is what’s right for you, how am I supposed to argue?” He pulled her into a hug. “I’m here for you, kid, no matter what.”

She squeezed him tight. “I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Yes, you do,” Peter said. “You deserve the world. What kind of dad would I be if I didn’t give my little girl the world?”

A knock came at the door and Brooklyn peeked his head in. Peter and Elisa parted.

“Everyone’s ready,” He said. Elisa nodded with a shaky smile of thanks, and he withdrew.

“This is it,” Peter said. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Elisa closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, holding it for a five count. She exhaled slowly, opened her eyes, and said, “Lets go.”

He extended his elbow and she hooked her arm through it. Straightening her spine, she let her father lead her out of the room.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

#Fanfiction #Fanfic #Gargoyles #Disney's Gargoyles #Goliath #Elisa Maza #Brooklyn #Broadway #Katana #Angela #Lexington #Peter Maza #Beth Maza #Talon #Derek Maza #David Xanatos #Owen Burnet #exophilia

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hallucinosims · 5 years

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Hi here’s the get to know me tag let’s get to knowing

I was tagged in this by @gunthermunch

125 questions under the cut, if you do decide to read i suggest getting a snack first

I tag @emovatore @humanitys-shortest @liliithvatore if you haven’t done it yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elio

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Lee and Leo are the go-tos in real life but I get called Hall on here and I think that’s a rad nickname too

3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 5th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I am a slut for the Percy Jackson series and Leo Valdez was one of the reasons why I started going by Leo more often then my full name

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Yes yes absolutely yes. One, earth really can’t be the only planet in a universe with infinite possibilities to have life on it, you know? And ghosts is more like a spirit thing.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? oooh fuck me up this is a hard one uhhhhhh Classic author probably Edgar Allen Poe but Contempoary I’d say Tony Kushner

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the Musical Theatre station

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? I don’t really like... food. I don’t enjoy it. But I guess I like savory over sweet

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? neat

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Liar by Queen or Greek God by Conan Gray

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I-Cunt-tic, pronounced like iconic but... you know

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Please Never Fall in love again Ollie MN

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Kidding, that Jim Carrey tv show that premiered this year. Beautifully edited and told story

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody 6 times this month alone so probably that on wards

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yes

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying in the same place i was born

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my empathy

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? the depression (tm)

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? idk, i’m not really an animal person

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nah

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? playing in the ika playscape

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? i have quite a few best friends but when im at school/work then my good friend Julio

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? a very doe eyed dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? i re-dyed my hair black recently so let’s go with that

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my mom

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my dad

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? myself

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? going to denmark to be a farm gay on my semester off

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? currently Sims, Queen, and Falsettos (the musical)

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i didn’t have cable but there is no way in hell i’m saying cyberchase so, Mia and Miguel

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? Julio

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? very

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? none that i can think of

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT?i actually really enjoy both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? True West, it’s a really good play

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? ...Bohemian Rhapsody for the 6th time

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? most stringed instruments i can figure out pretty quickly but i’m best at guitar and piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? humans

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? i follow over 5k people i don’t even know who i follow

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? basically Kirby. I want the power to take others powers

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in michigan on rainy afternoons in my bunk bed with my laptop on my lap. Or like, the floor of a bookstore

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? loaded question

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to do competitve dance, competitve cheer, biking, and volleyball

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? watah

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? like a week ago to my grandma, she likes getting post cards in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? i used to be. not so much anymore

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? people who saunter. We got places to be fellas

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? yup!

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? i’m to anemic to be either

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a performer

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? i’m actually not to into media that take place in other... wait i take it back i wanna live in Hobbiton

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? breathing

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? ehh sometimes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? It’s a part of my career so hopefully

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? i’m skippin school rn

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? manhattan Lower East Side

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Manhattan’s Lower East Side. I live in the Upper West Side right now and it’s aight but it’s not the LES

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? nope

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i just dont sleep

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER?sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? nah

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yee

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? anything

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Tony Kushner

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? yee and before you ask my fave is Deadpool

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? when people be on some bullshit

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real book

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? IN High School I loved history

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? one sister who is ten years older than I am

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? ... iced coffee despite it being 30 degrees out

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3

75. CAN YOU COOK? I’d like to think so. Wish I had a oven tho

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? music, my family (sometimes) I’m trying to love myself so let’s throow that one in there

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? people who stroll/saunter, when people are on their bullshit, dark chocolate

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? male “friends”. But, I know a lot more girls that I keep up with more often.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? lesbian

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Manhattan, Upper West Side

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Me mam

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Thursday in my Theatre class but we were all crying so i’ll let it slide

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i don’t really watch anyone consistently

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? i do

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tinder

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? prety solid i love them both even if my mom hates my sexuality and threatened locking me at home when i came out to herelol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? italian

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT?Copenhagen! I’ve wanted to go to Denmark since I was ten

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Nah son

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? defenitly a lot less than my story style insists lol. I do believe in God tho

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? LOADED QUESTION BECAUSE I WANNA EXPLORE BOTH

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? ehhhhhhhh no

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? strawberries and some medicine that i can’t remember the name of

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes i’m a lesbian it’s what we do

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nah

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Literally anytime i’m wrong about soomething. I love being exposed, put in my place, roasted.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest so I can find my mans... my MOTH mans

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? you know what you want, don’t let your concerns get in the way of your ambitions

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Deadass I talk to myself more often than otherpeople

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? introverted

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yee

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give everyone I can think of second chances because i’m a forgiving sone of a bitch and yet they continue TO BE ON SOME BULLSHIT

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? THat be mine i may be forgiving by moral compass be broke as hell and I haven’t eaten in like 3 days because i’m so broke

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? When I’m answering this question for a job application i sure do

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? tragicallu

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have 5 holes in my ears and a nostreil piercing

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Mark Cohen or LEO VALDEZ

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes 2, one chest, one forearm. But that’s only because I don’t have money i need more

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to new york

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes and she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? eventually I feel like I would make a pretty solid kid

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my dad

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? Being high for three days straight

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? i just finished pulling one

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black as you can see by my simself i really do dress pretty much only in black because i aged poorly out of my goth phase

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yeeee

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Yep, Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, Trade Show stuff, probably for school or local news a few times

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 18

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? Know in your soul like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain, know that you’re whole. - HEdwig and the Angry Inch

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? This is a really boring last question but savory but if you made it this far i’ll expose myself a little more. I’m black and Jewish, I go to a performing arts Conservatory, and this took me so long to answer because I hooked up with someone in Brooklyn last night and i had trouble getting back to my dorm.

#get to know me tag #hall posts #saviorhide #long posts

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your-not-invisible-to-me · 7 years

Text

Piece By Piece- (Rob Benedict x Reader) PART 3

Chapter 2

A/N: This may seem like the last chapter but I swear it isn't.

Summary: Reader is a teenage actress on Supernatural, and at 15 years old her abusive parents kick her out of the house because they disapprove of her career. After an emotional breakdown at the latest convention, Rob takes her in.

Pairing: Father Figure Rob x Reader

Word Count: 1,424

WARNING: Parental Abuse, Neglect, Emotional Breakdown, Fear, Loneliness.

LISTEN TO THIS SONG FIRST: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwTMz6Nfhjg

“So, what’s going to happen to her now?” asked Rob, sitting at his kitchen table across from the social worker that had arrived at his house.

It had been about a week and a half since Rob had told Y/N she was staying at his house, and he had finally been able to get a social worker to investigate. Living with Rob was actually pretty easy. Since she had been kicked out with only a duffle bag, Rob had been giving her old clothes she could wear until further notice.

Luckily, he was the taller one.

But really, it was really easy. Y/N helped out as much as she could, always making sure to clean up after herself if it was needed, always making sure to pay for her expenses if she could. But even then, Rob never asked for a dime of money.

He also had no issues what so ever it seemed with waking up at seven in the morning to take her to school. They had discovered Rob only lived a twenty-minute car ride away.

For what seemed like the first time in Y/N’s life, everything seemed to be going fine.

“Well, after one visit to her home, I can tell by just the outside that it’s not stable for a teenage girl to live there.” said the social worker, making some last-minute adjustments to the statement Rob had given her.

“What do you mean?” asked Rob.

“There was a decent size hole in the roof right above where Y/N’s room would be.” Rob’s eyes went wide, not expecting that answer at all.

“Her parents made it clear that she wasn’t welcome back in the house, however. As a minor, she’ll be awarded into custody of the state. Y/N will be placed in one of the foster homes.”

“Wait, what? There’s nowhere else she can go?” asked Rob.

“There are no local family members we could find, and the only living family member we could find was a grandma living in an old folk’s home across the country. She’s in no state to care for a fifteen-year-old.” said the social worker.

“What about her job on the show? Her job at conventions? Her school?”

“She’ll most likely have to leave it, the foster house would be required to house and feed her. Nothing says they should have to pay for flights and things like that.”

“How was she paying for them before?”

“Apparently that’s part of the reason why her parents had kicked her out. They refused to keep paying for them once they found out what exactly they were paying for.” said the social worker. He closed up his notebook, packing them into his briefcase.

“School?” asked Rob. This was getting worse and worse as he listened on.

“We’ll always do our best to find her a foster family that lives in the same district, but again. It’s no guarantee.”

Rob frowned, defiantly not liking the answers that he was getting from the social worker sitting in front of him.

He had known Y/N for almost two years, and she was a fantastic kid. She was so smart, smarter than Rob in some categories, he had to admit.

He was never so good at math, and after watching her do homework backstage at conventions for the past year, she was a whole lot better.

She was polite, always did what was asked for her, sometimes even more. For the week and a half she had lived with him he didn’t have one complaint to give. He knew she deserved better than being forced to uproot her entire life at such a young age.

Especially since he knew he was fully capable of preventing it.

Suddenly, a knock came on Rob’s apartment door. He looked down at his watch, realizing it was 4:07. Y/N had sworn she had a ride for when school ended, but Rob had just now realized he had forgotten to give her a key.

“Coming!” yelled Rob, racing to the door to let his new-found roommate in.

Well…

“Hey.” I said as Rob opened the door. I looked forward, seeing the man in the business suit standing up from the kitchen table.

“Oh, hello.” I said.

“Hello, Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m assuming you’re the social worker Rob told me he was going to call?” I asked. I set my bag down on the floor, but I left my shoes on. If this goes how it usually goes, I wasn’t staying here for much longer.

“So, let’s just get right to it, what’s happening to me now?”

“Well, I took a visit to your parents, and the department has concluded that it’s not a safe environment for you to be staying in. Thank god Mr. Benedict here realized there was something wrong when he did. You’ll be taken into custody of the state, and be placed into a foster home.” I nodded, picking my bag back up.

“Wait.” said Rob suddenly, holding his hand up before me and the social worker could even move an inch.

“Can she stay with me? I am more than willing than to petition for legal guardianship.” said Rob, no hesitation present in his voice what so ever.

“Rob what are-.” the social worker cut me off.

“Well, you would need to petition the court for guardianship, fill out the appropriate forms, alert her parents, and go through a trial run. You’d be given a month before an agent would come out here and check on everything going on.”

“Tell me how to get those forms and it’s done.” said Rob. My eyes went wide and my jaw dropped in shock. Rob offering to let me stay with him permanently was defiantly something I did not see coming.

“Also, considering she’s over 14, you need consent from Y/N.” said the social worker, turning to me.

I stood there in silence, still a little dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, I’m- I’m just a little shocked that this is happening.”

“Is that a yes?” asked Rob.

I looked at the man in front of me.

Rob Benedict was without a doubt the best human being I have ever met. I didn’t want to burden him, it was the thought that was pounding at me in the back of my mind. But I looked up at him, seeing something in his eyes I’d never seen before when I looked at my own father.

He cared.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding rather quickly, “yeah of course I give consent.”

“Well it’s settled then. I’ll have the papers dropped by within the week Mr. Benedict.” said the social worker, shaking Rob’s hand before turning, leaving the apartment.

The second the door closed I turned back to Rob.

“Rob, I, for the love of god Rob you don’t have to do this. I, I don’t want to burden you more than I already have. You’ve done, you’ve done so much for me already by just being my friend.”

“Hey, Y/N. Look at me, you’re not a burden. I’ve known you for nearly two years, you’re a joy to be around. You’re a good kid, and you deserve better than you having to uproot your life. You deserve better than having your dad leave you behind, I wouldn’t wish that feeling upon my worst enemy.”

I nodded, making the connection immediately.

“But you know everything that’s wrong with me Rob; the nightmares, you’ve witnessed first-hand my anxiety…”

“I don’t care.”

“Do you realize the expenses of housing a teenager for what, the next three years?” I asked. I was gonna be flat out realistic.

“Hey, I’ve been on my own for who knows how long. I have plenty of money put away, enough for me and you together. Plus, I gotta admit, I like taking care of someone else.”

“I-Rob, I just, I don’t know what…”

Rob sighed, walking towards me, placing both his hands on my shoulders. He could tell I still wasn’t totally believing everything that was going on.

“Y/N, your dad quite literally kicked you out of your house. I can see he broke that soul of yours into a million different pieces. If you let me, I will try my damn hardest to help put those pieces back together.”

I smiled, a tear escaping my eye as I immediately wrapped my arms around him, Rob’s shirt getting wet as the tears kept going.

But it was okay, because Rob knew they were tears of happiness.

And it was okay, because maybe I finally had found a home.

STORY TAGS: @thebookisbtr @emilywells19 @littleshone @a-banana-for-your-thoughts @pancake-pages @stationary-queen @bryannekenzie @alicat-life @winchestergirl-13 @melodyhiddleston @flamequeen12

ROB TAGS: @nerdyforyourbooks @madame-marilyn @tas898 @internationalmusicteacher @lizzy077 @natasha-cole

FOREVER TAGS: @laffytaffyhumor @hudine @fandom--0verdose @madame-marilyn @casgrl @nerdyforyourbooks @waywardswain @goldenolaf25 @88dragon06 @dont-hate-relate-pls @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @i-dont-understand-that-url @b-northington @idk-fandom @bea789 @nanie5 @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @captain-amelia-bradley @a-michellerae-things

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chiisana-sukima · 7 years

Text

@elizabethrobertajones commented:

Aah this post is long and off-topic-y so I’ll just comment quickly this way - I think we all know Sam has an endless well of goodness in him and cares for others a lot and he has SOME empathy, just maybe that sympathy is a stronger force for him, also a positive caring emotion, and situationally, when he’s frustrated or angry & in a dark place he overlooks how others feel because he has a greater good that will help in mind…

Dean sometimes seems to have supernatural or almost unbelievable empathy, like the 5x16 scene with mary as a 4 year old talking to her like that (writing issues? idk) and again to balance the characters, if Dean’s the one with OTT empathy, then Sam might see things a different way and be sympathetic but not off the charts empathy… Though Dean sees him that way like in Tall Tales :P

I never thought of this as a negative trait - the long explanatory meta I read used it exactly as the point of balancing them and showing their different strengths, but I guess without reading that 1 long meta and knowing that, it looks worse out of context, especially yelling the phrase at random examples :P

(And from Dean-centric blogs or at least Destiel ones where Sam doesn’t seem to be the focus… Okay I’ll stop replying now >.>)

(God, tumblr, why you gotta suck so bad? I cleaved this off, because the other post was getting so unmanageable long- and also, you’re right that discussing the example specifically is kind of off-topic, although I now think I accidentally hijacked the post some with it, so apologies about that)

I do think you’re probably right that the phrase without lengthy context can be off-putting, but mostly I feel like it’s just shorthand for a way of looking at a big chunk of meta theory without having to re-explain it every time (which is how I was using it too).

The meta theory it’s attached to appears to me (please correct me if I’m wrong) to be:

Cas and Dean can’t get their act together enough to admit to loving one another for various reasons, one of which is that Dean is stuck in a performance of a certain kind of character that doesn’t represent both his actual self and his best interests ->

the performance of that character is related to the role John cast him in as a traditionally macho “manly” hero/provider for his family, but with the added piece that he was also expected to take on the traditional woman’s role of caretaking, like a mother, for Sam too while still also maintaining his “manly” facade->

in order for Dean to be happy and live the life he deserves (which includes openly loving the person he really loves), he needs to both resolve his internal issues around role and self-worth, and also Sam and he need to resolve their issues around how much it is or is not appropriate for him to function as Sam’s parent ->

Sam can sometimes exacerbate the second problem by undermining Dean’s attempts to escape his original family role, and by responding to his performance as if it is either his real self or is preferable to his real self.

(The empathy piece of this is that Sam doesn’t have an accurate picture of Dean partly for self-protective reasons, and partly because John and Dean protected him from learning just how sucky Dean’s family role really is/was, but also partly because he doesn’t have the, as you say, almost supernatural ability that Dean does to see past a performing lie to a person’s real self)

Assuming for the moment an in-universe explanation for why Cas and Dean aren’t rolling in the sheets every night, I agree in part with this analysis and disagree in part. I think a big piece of where the anger comes from for more Sam-focused fans is when examples are given that over-attribute Dean’s internal issues to Sam. I hesitate to give specific instances, because doing so is *so* specific that it then feels uncomfortably to me like I’m picking on a particular post and/or poster, which is not my intent at all. But suffice it to say that this is a very common and longstanding piece of analysis, and pretty much any random day’s dash for someone who follows a bunch of destiel blogs will contain multiple examples.

The whole surrogate-parenting issue is fraught with minefields, so it’s easy to see how people can get angry and fucked up about this issue, and I am certainly not immune. I wonder sometimes how much, on one side, people are dealing with irl attitudes about severely unhealthy family dynamics, and on the other, people are dealing with irl attitudes about both that and also issues around coming out.

@elizabethrobertajones, your explanation here is very helpful to me, and reading it, I wonder now too if some of the empathy/sympathy thing is a response to both a canon and fanon tendency at times to act as if Sam is always empathetic and Dean is not. Like you, I feel that Dean is almost unnaturally empathetic, but I also feel the same about Sam, and think it’s just expressed in different ways.

One of my friends brought up that because Sam is more emotionally distancing, maybe the way he expresses his reactions to peoples’ distress is not as obviously “empathy” as it is with Dean, who is very emotionally expressive. That seems like it could be on-target to me as well.

(btw, I wanted to second @wingstocarryon‘s observation that she enjoys your Sam meta, Lizzy. I do too, and I want to emphasize that I‘m not trying to downplay anyone’s affection for Sam. I know you’all feel protective of and caring towards Sam too.

@tinkdw, I hope it’s okay that I’m tagging you too, partly because my original reblog was in response to a post of yours and partly because I enjoy discussing things with you and am interested in your opinion if you feel inclined [but no worries if you dont])

#meta #sam and empathy #sam and destiel #fandom issues #wank maybe i dunno?

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musicprincess655 · 7 years

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Chapters: 9/19 Fandom: Haikyuu!! Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou - Relationship Additional Tags: Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru - Freeform, they dont officially get together by the end so they dont go in the ship tags, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, War, Blood Series: Part 4 of Royalty AU

Shigeru was going to lose his mind. It wasn’t going to be the nightmares, or losing his home, or even having to share space with a socially maladjusted alpha who had resting bitch face from hell.

No, Shigeru was going to lose his mind from waiting.

It should have been an easy job. Hell, he could have tried sleeping some more if he’d wanted, that’s how unnecessary he was. If anyone came after the camp, Makki and Maiya would protect them, and he would just be stuck minding the children like the good omega his father had raised him to be.

Shigeru grimaced at memories of lessons upon lessons, commands of “sit up straight” and “don’t stare at anyone for too long” and “don’t let your thoughts show on your face” and, most importantly, “make sure you only show your best self” following him everywhere.

His father had meant well. Probably. It was what he’d always said. “I just want you to find someone to take care of you. I won’t be around to protect you forever.”

The thing was, Shigeru didn’t want to be taken care of, and he certainly didn’t want to be protected. He could take care of himself, if his father would ever let him learn how to. Sharp raps on his hands and losing food had convinced him to stop insisting that, though.

And now, because of a life spent sitting still and looking pretty, being taught to care about his clothes and appearance more than his own mind, the only intellectual stimulation available to him the art of conversation, because apparently that was useful in attracting a wealthy and powerful mate, Shigeru was completely useless. He couldn’t fight, no matter how hard he worked at the drills Mattsun gave him. He couldn’t plan out attacks like Kunimi, because he’d never been taught battle strategy. He’d been hobbled by his father’s grand plans of marrying him off to the highest bidder.

Shigeru had no doubt that his father had meant well. He even thought his father might have loved him. But his father had loved a version of Shigeru that only existed in his own head, and Shigeru had started thinking in his teens that maybe that wasn’t love at all.

His mother loved him, the real him, the boy she’d found hacking off all his long hair because his father had called him beautiful one too many times. She’d intervened on his behalf, and now he was allowed to cut his hair however he liked it, preferring it just at his shoulders, long enough to tie back, but short enough to not make him look too feminine. She was the one that had taught him history and told him jokes and let him sit however he pleased, with no care to how unattractive spreading his legs made him.

But his mother was far to the north, on the family estate nearly at the border of Seijoh’s lands. Lake Lilia was the only place where Shigeru had good childhood memories. He hoped his mother was still alive. Complicated feelings for his father aside, Shigeru was still a little messed up from seeing him die – even if he wouldn’t admit it – but losing his mother would destroy him.

He shook himself, trying not to think so much about his family. It was hard to remember growing up with his father without getting angry, and considering he would probably just worry Maiya and Makki and their children if he got up to punch something.

But it wasn’t making all this waiting any less terrible. He was stuck, Takeru in his lap because apparently he’d gotten tired of his mother’s, watching the two older ones fret over the people who had gone. Makki especially was fretting over his mate, worried about him fighting with the odds stacked against him, his son held close to comfort him as much to keep the baby quiet.

Shigeru looked down at the child in his lap. With the life his father had been planning for him he would’ve had lots of children to look forward to. It was the life of an omega raised for an arranged marriage.

Children weren’t so bad, he supposed. Takeru was a sweet enough child, babbling and talking at Shigeru when he wasn’t occupied with whatever game he was playing by clapping his hands together, and watching him was soothing in the way he took Shigeru’s mind off the waiting. Shigeru could even see wanting children someday. He could see being happy to sense the change in his own scent, ecstatically watching his belly grow, being happy with his mate…

But of course, there was never a face with the mate in his own fantasies. There never had been. Shigeru had long since accepted that any happiness he had in his future would be centered on himself, and maybe the children he would inevitably bear.

A mate wouldn’t make him happy. He was sure of that. The kind of mating his father had planned for him would never make him happy.

“I hate this,” Makki sighed. “I hate this waiting.”

Shigeru looked up at him. He didn’t really have an emotional bond with anyone in the group but Shinji, but he did have a lot of respect for Makki and Mattsun. The way Mattsun had turned their ragtag group into a real kind of team, the way Makki had made his choice that differed from his mate’s, but that hadn’t torn them apart. They were leaders in their own rights, and Shigeru had to respect that.

“Why didn’t you go with him?” Shigeru asked. “I know you know how to fight. Why didn’t you go with him instead of waiting? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

“Someone had to take care of Jun,” Makki said. “Part of being a parent is recognizing that your child comes first, no matter what else you might want. Besides, I’m not that good at fighting. Give me a dagger, and I can defend myself and maybe someone else, but I can’t really use a sword or anything else, not like the ones who went can. If anyone comes after us while it’s just us, Maiya is the one who’s going to have to defend us.”

Shigeru looked at Maiya. She’d softened somehow since Kunimi had given his big speech. He’d noticed Shinji saying something to her. Maybe that had helped.

“Obviously, I’m not going to part with Takeru right now,” she said.

“How do you know how to fight so well?” Shigeru asked, because maybe it would distract him, and maybe it would distract her too. “I know omegas and women can fight just like men in Seijoh, but I didn’t think it was common.”

“It’s more common than it is in other kingdoms,” Maiya told him. “Even Shiratorizawa doesn’t allow it as much as we do. The only thing that matters is whether or not you have the skill. We don’t care what you have in your pants.

“My mother is a warrior,” she went on. “She’s…it’s kind of like the castle guard? But they don’t stay within the castle walls. They’re posted outside, to be a buffer in case of a big attack. I’m actually pretty sure she died in the Karasuno attack. No one would’ve gotten past her if she was still alive.”

“I’m sorry,” Shigeru said. Maiya waved her hand, though her eyes looked glassier.

“She would’ve wanted to go down fighting for what she believed in,” Maiya said. “I can be happy knowing she went down swinging. And I think there’s a good chance that my father survived, if he could get out of the castle. I just want to know if my little brother is alive. He’s mated to the crown prince, and he wouldn’t have let them do anything to Tooru.”

She looked wistfully into the distance.

“Anyway, I know how to fight because my mother taught me,” she continued. “I had a toy sword in my hand almost as soon as I could walk. I know how to shoot an arrow, too. I think my mother must have seen the wanderlust in me even then, and she wanted to make sure I could take care of myself on the road.”

The concept of a parent wanting their child to fight for themselves was foreign to Shigeru, but he listened intently as Maiya kept talking.

“I’ve been wandering all over Seijoh and beyond since I was eighteen,” Maiya said. “I’ve learned so many things, and I’ve been able to bring back knowledge for the kingdom. They usually pay me if I can bring back scrolls and books they don’t have in the library, and if I can find treasure, all the better for me. Shinji started joining me a few years back, which you probably know.”

Shigeru nodded. He’d been friends with Shinji since they were children, and Shinji had taken off a few years ago to travel all over. He’d always come back to tell Shigeru stories, and those were some of the best memories Shigeru had. They gave him something to imagine when he fantasized about running away from his life.

“My mate mostly cared for Takeru between my adventures, if they didn’t both come with me,” Maiya said, her voice softer. “I’m…a bit out of practice at being a mother. Once he wasn’t a baby anymore, I didn’t really need to be there to make sure he survived, and sometimes adventuring is a lot easier than parenting.”

She sighed, looking at Takeru, oblivious in Shigeru’s lap.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this alone,” she said. “I was barely doing it before. I don’t think I’m fit to be a mother.”

“You want the best for your son, and you’re trying your best, and you’re not forcing him to be something he’s not,” Shigeru said. “I think you’re fit to be a mother, and I think the fact that you’re worried you’re not proves you are.”

“Yahaba’s right,” Makki broke in. “You stopped running off for far flung places when Takeru was born. Even though you left, you always came back sooner, and you were always running for your son as soon as you could. So what if you’re scared of not being a good parent? I’m scared I’m not doing enough to protect my son. I’m scared that we should have run north when we had a chance, because now we definitely wouldn’t be able to beat the winter, but maybe that worry means I’m doing something right.”

“Your children are going to be alright,” Shigeru said, because it felt like he should say something. “You both know how to protect them.”

They both seemed pleased at his words, but before they could respond, Shinji came running back into camp.

“We did it,” he said, fire in his eyes and his grin. “They have supplies there, so we decided it would be easier for the five of you to come to us instead of carrying it all to you. And we found something.”

“What?” Shigeru asked, standing and picking Takeru up. The toddler was awake, but clinging to his neck. He probably wouldn’t be able to walk so far in the forest at night. He and Jun had had the hardest time adjusting to being nocturnal.

“Some girls from Seijoh,” Shinji said. “The soldiers in the company we killed took them for…well, I’m sure you can imagine.”

Shigeru grimaced.

“Yeah, that’s the general consensus,” Shinji said. “Anyway, they said they were in a refugee camp of Seijoh citizens, and based on some rumors they heard, Kunimi thinks Karasuno is trying to build an empire, and he had an idea of how to fight them.”

“That’s good news,” Shigeru said. “What’s the plan?”

“The thing is, we can’t really throw in on a plan yet,” Shinji said, scratching his head. “We’re not sure the rumors are true, and we could be wrong, and if we play this wrong, we could get seriously reamed. So Kunimi wants to send the two of us to the refugee camp.”

“Me?” Shigeru asked. “I get you, but why me? I still can’t do any of this fighting stuff right.”

“We’re not going to fight,” Shinji said. “Hopefully. And it’ll just be us, so in theory I can protect you if we need it. Ideally, though, all we’ll be doing is talking. We have to see if the rumors are true. We need all the information we can get about the state of Seijoh.”

Shigeru nodded, gears turning in his head. They were walking into the light of a few huge bonfires, and Shigeru wrinkled his nose at the acrid burning smell coming from them. At Shinji’s look, he decided not to ask.

His eyes landed on three girls, the ones Shinji had said came from the refugee camp. Setting Takeru down with his mother, he approached the girls.

“I need to know what you know about the refugee camp,” he said. “Not the layout, or the kind of guard you’re under. I need to know what kind of people are there. I need to know who the leaders are, and who has influence. Who can I talk to who might know something? That kind of thing.”

The girls look at each other, and back to him.

And they started to talk.

#my writing #hq fanfic #a/b/o #matsuhana #haikyuu!!#royalty au #motf

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ace2light · 5 years

Text

2nd half of 2018

July, August

Officially stepped into the club. Pressurised from all parties, lecturers, members, ex-society. I wasn’t really able to cope well. I was very very stress and overwhelm. I didn’t know who to request for help. I wanted to disseminate jobs but I also feel for them, so end up, I suffered in silence, thinking that one person suffer is better than the whole group suffer. My real and actual perspective for things are pretty different, and I don’t say it explicitly, so it is hard to find a balance between the members and myself. Which explains why I was too overwhelm that I asked jiawen and xingxi for help for camp proposal. I know I shouldn’t have stepped in, but what I prospected really came true, the proposal was not done or no progress. I don’t want to be in a position to be ‘training’ people, cause we are all the same, we are all learning. Then my modules screwed me upside down, I didn’t know how to do a group project, asked many people but I still have to understand and write my own codes. It was from this group project, I seen the true colours of people and I decided to not work with him for FYP. I hate it when people just throws the work for others to complete and not try when they don’t know. What’s worst, he took the entire credits for it. I was so pissed off, I skipped lecture, skipped meals and sacrifice an entire night of sleep just to fucking finish the work and figure it out. I am risking my health, the moment I don’t rest enough, I fall sick extremely easily, and each time is a minimum 4 day MC. I was so pissed off that I cried after presenting to teacher and walked out without my phone. Lucky jiawen knew I would disappear, she followed me out and tagged along.

September

Went for Korea OIP with the school. Initially I was reluctant to go because I knew how homesick I am and because I was so stressed about the financial issues at home. I initiated to withdraw from this trip, but my parents see how sad I get, they couldn’t bear to let me withdraw. They did whatever it takes to allow me to go. Fortunately I went out of my comfort zone and went. This trip was worth it and fun, given a choice again, I would go again. It was the first time I actually don’t have to report my whereabouts to my parents all the time. Although I have to call them at night, I felt freedom for the first time. I get to drink also. I made many close friends from the trip and found someone special. Yes, I have to admit I am homesick. 3 weeks isn’t enough, it was when the group of friends just started to get close, we are about to leave korea. It was when the real fun came, we all have to leave Korea. One good thing I found out is that, I am able to live independently without my parents. I love the weather over there. I would love to visit there again but it is very expensive. I fell sick on the first week, hahaha. But I recover in time to have fun during the last week. Korea trip made my heart open again, I shut my heart in terms of who I liked for quite a while then some people open my heart again. I can’t say that I felt nothing, I am human also. I have feelings. Initially, I thought it was all gentleman moves, I didn’t read too much into it until jiawen told me straight in the face, I always deny it because I don’t want to get disappointed so I rather push it away before thinking about it. It was in korea, I felt so much taken care of by my friends, I am the oldest yet my friends took care of me like I am the youngest. Thank you for making me warmth outside of home. I had never lie on a guy shoulder before, I lie on his shoulder on the plane. As I dislike physical contact, I would do anything to avoid it. I sat beside him in the plane cos I would rather sit beside someone I knew much more than a school mate, it is a 6h ride, I will die of discomfort if I sat with school mate instead of friends. As I am very conservative and traditional, I feel I am only allowed to sleep in my boyfriend’s or husband’s or mum’s shoulder. That’s why when he asked, I was surprised, but because I was so uncomfortable and I wanna sleep, I decided to just sleep on his shoulder. As for xingxi, I just treats him as a brother and a close friend. He is like a family member to me. Also, I was also shocked as to how much he changed, he wasn’t that joker before Korea, he just went all out crazy in Korea. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I encounter troubles for the past year. I clearly remember how drunk I got. Well, it was fun to be at the extreme ends of it, drunk when I was presenting, nice one.

October

I got attached. I have a boyfriend. It feels like a dream to me. I never thought I would disobey my parents and get a boyfriend that is 3 years younger than me. I never thought I would date someone younger than me. I never thought I would start dating in poly. I was so afraid that it was based on infatuation that I accepted him but then, it is not the case. Before this, I randomly asked him out to accompany me, just instinct, I also don’t know why. The first time I asked him out was purely based on I felt we were close friends, that’s why I asked him to accompany me to watch movie, little did I know so much interpretations come. The actual date we got together was 17 oct but that day was Harry’s birthday, so we decided to set our official date on the movie date, which was 2nd oct. I was initially awkward with guys, so needless to say I am awkward with him, but the more I went out with him, the less awkward I get and felt more comfortable.

November

Planning and executing it so painful, I crashed many times in this. I am battling with my discomfort and getting things done. I wanted to go crazy and have fun. End up, I was so defeated and had to find poon to come and comfort me. I didn’t knew his existence was so important for me. In the past, I just waited stupidly for this texts. I said stupid because there was a person who was once this close to me, suddenly just stops talking to me and we became total strangers, it took me close to 6 years to get over it, I don’t want to fall into that pit hole again. I tried to avoid but the things I did is not. Hahaha.

December

My academics are at risk. I dont understand.

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