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iamjessemccartney · 2 years

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The lovely @prim-moth requested #22, "things you said after it was over," from this post!

Edit: I've also posted this on AO3, with the other requests I've completed so far!😊

Arthur jolted awake, sitting bolt upright on the mattress. His left hand moved up over his mouth as if to keep him from yelling out, and for a moment, he just sat there, wide-eyed and frightened, panting as he stared out in front of him, everything else still in the darkness of the room. His bedroom.

Their bedroom.

Arthur moved his hand down, still shaken, but confident enough now that he wasn't going to scream.

The voice from his head had taken to sleeping beside him, wrapped up in his sheets, in his blankets. Arthur would say it had gone on for more nights than he cared to count by now- but he was still counting. All the nights this figure in his bed had spent at his left side- always his left side- as if guarding something. Or staking a claim. And this night, in this moment, Arthur hadn't noticed the way his companion had shifted, too preoccupied himself trying to get his breathing back under control and keep himself from spiraling, which was proving to be more difficult this time than most. He couldn't take a deep enough breath to help slow himself down, and he could still feel his heart racing. Having the same nightmare multiple times didn't make it any easier to wake up from, after all. He hadn't processed that the man next to him had stirred awake and moved closer, until the light touch of his hand slipped over Arthur's thigh and pulled him out of his own head.

Arthur opened his mouth to try and say something, to either explain or apologize, but couldn't pin down any words. Instead, he shut his eyes tight and moved to lie back down, wrapped his arms around his partner, and buried his face in his chest.

John, groggy as he was, took a moment to reciprocate, but pulled Arthur in close. One hand settled in the middle of his back, and the other slipped into his hair, gently smoothing it down for a moment before falling still. As always, John paid incredibly close attention to the way Arthur reacted to his touch.

"That's it," John reassured as he felt the man start to relax against him, albeit slowly. His voice was soft, low and heavy with sleep. "There we are..."

There was a stillness between them for a moment- John allowing Arthur more time to compose himself, knowing by now that too much noise or movement could very well wind up making that a task even more daunting than it already was. So for that little while, he just lay there, holding his partner and lightly dragging his nails over the other's back in an attempt to keep him grounded, until he was sure Arthur's breathing had steadied enough to allow him to speak.

"Tell me your name," John instructed gently, the same as he had many times before.

"A- Arthur Lester," Arthur just barely managed, his voice trembling.

John flattened his hand over Arthur's back. "Where are you?"

"I-In... my bedroom. O-our bedroom. In our home."

John hummed. "Our address?"

"Eight-..." Arthur huffed out a sigh in spite of himself. "Eighty-three Merriweather Lane."

"State?"

"Vermont."

"What year is it?" John asked through a yawn, his left hand once again moving to smooth down Arthur's hair.

"Nineteen thirty-..." Arthur hesitated. "Thirty-six."

"Good," John confirmed lightly. "How long has it been...?" He knew he didn't need to elaborate.

Arthur understood. "...Six months." He paused a second, then, and nuzzled into John's chest, breathing him in before letting out an exhausted sigh.

"I know," John murmured, taking to gently playing with the ends of Arthur's hair. It was cropped short again, like it had been when they'd first met, and a mess of thick curls in its currently unstyled state. He remembered how Arthur had been on the verge of tears once they'd finally gotten the opportunity to see a barber for the first time a little over five months back, and how religiously he'd stayed on top of maintaining it since then. That, and how dutiful he was now about remaining clean-shaven. Something stirred inside John as he recalled the first time Arthur had asked for his help shaving about three months ago. John had hardly trusted his own hands yet then, having only had them for a few weeks at that point- but his partner had stayed calm, reassured him that everything would turn out fine. That thought echoed softly through his mind as he lay there with Arthur in his arms now, holding him as securely as possible.

It had only been a second since John last spoke. "Do you want to talk about it...?" He offered, making it clear that Arthur had a choice in the matter.

Arthur shook his head with a huff, one of his hands closing into a loose fist around the back of John's sleep shirt. "N-no... I-" He took in a breath. "Distract me...?" He requested, trying his hardest to keep his voice steady.

"Mh..." John thought for a moment, letting out a soft sigh. It brought him some odd sense of comfort to know that Arthur found solace in his ability to ramble about damn near anything. There had been a week or so after they'd made the deal to separate themselves that John had hardly spoken at all, having been too unsettled by the way his voice sounded in this form and the fact that he could feel it inside his body. Arthur had kept having to coax him into conversation here and there, just to get John to say anything, which had been such stark contrast against how he'd been during the time they'd spent bound together.

John realized his mind was wandering again, and quickly spoke up. The drowsiness that lingered on him still came out through his words, but there was a distinct lightness to his tone. "There's an orchestra concert coming up in a couple of weeks- I told you when we passed that flier for it the other day, while we were out getting groceries. I want to say it's... an annual event- free to the public, outside at the bandshell near town hall. There were a few pictures on the flier from what seemed to be previous years' runs, with groups of people scattered out on the lawn in chairs or on blankets and just enjoying themselves, children running about..." John leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Arthur's head, not entirely thinking about the action. "We could go, if you wanted. Make a day out of it- pack a lunch and take a stroll downtown, set up a blanket and eat on the lawn. Have a... a picnic? Is that what you called it that time in the park?"

Arthur gave a slight nod to confirm. John noted his response, and continued. "I'll point out the scenery and the goings-on of the crowd, you'll scold me for talking through the whole first movement, as if you'd actually expected anything different," he joked at his own expense. "And this is where you’d tease me and say, 'Well, you have been rather well-behaved whenever I've played, so far, so I do suppose I have some faith that you'd stay quiet for a whole orchestra,' if you were feeling up to it right now," John added, and tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered at the huff of a laugh Arthur gave in reply.

Arthur turned John's words over in his mind, one word ringing a little louder than the rest. Ever drowsy, Arthur nuzzled his partner again, and shifted to be just that much closer to him while he tried to collect his thoughts.

Faith was something that had eluded Arthur over the years- always slipping through his fingers as this fragile, impermanent thing. Framing it in a religious sense had never worked for him, either, even though there had been points in his life where he’d been low enough to try. Trying to rely on something so intangible and so far out of his reach had only made him feel smaller, lonelier- more inconsequential than he’d cared for. And the one thing he’d so desperately needed in life was consequence.

For his own sake, just to have something to hold onto and keep himself on some semblance of a path, he'd begun to put faith in the ordinary, the routine. Faith that the newspaper would be on his doorstep every morning. That he'd have to put gas in his car by the end of the week. He'd put faith in the fact that Bella would call on him at least once every week, always with a new excuse for why he should leave his studies and take a break for a while. That on the rare chance Faroe woke up before him in the mornings, she'd pad into his bedroom and climb under the covers with him until they were both truly ready to face the day. That he'd see Parker's face when he walked into their office and that their clients would meet them as scheduled. That after a long day of work, Arthur, most times by his lonesome, would be able to go home, have a hot meal and a shower, and a peaceful place to sleep, before he had to wake up and do it all again the next day.

How crudely that faith had been shaken, one time after another, and with no real relief in between. Everything he'd been through- even before Kayne, before the King, before John- should have broken him down and defeated him. Should have destroyed his resolve and depleted his strength and made it so that he would have never had faith in anything ever again. But, selfishly, he'd begun to let himself hope, after a while. Just to start.

And hope without faith had started to seem like an empty promise to Arthur. Like a wish for something, but one with no real desire behind it, no will to see it come true.

So now he put faith in this man he'd told to sleep next to him. He put faith in the experiences they'd shared together, and continued to share now. How they'd grown alongside one another. How they'd learned so many things, so many damning things about each other, and themselves, and how they'd worked through it- not in spite of it all. But because of it. Because of every little thing.

He wasn't afraid that John would leave him. Not anymore.

Arthur put faith in the fact that, if he awoke in the middle of the night, startled and shaking and drenched in guilt, this man- his companion, his partner, his lover, his friend- would hold him close. And talk to him. Without complaint, for minutes, or hours, or however long it took for him to feel calm again.

He put faith in the fact that he loved John. And that John loved him.

While Arthur thought, John had been taking the moments to find something else to talk about, his own sleep-addled brain running a bit slower than usual. He'd been keeping track of Arthur, though- his breathing, his little movements, the tension that had melted out of his muscles as he laid there in John's arms. He'd finally settled on a new subject after a minute, right when he heard Arthur's soft, tired voice cut through the silence they'd been lying in.

"I do have faith in that. In-... In you." The way he spoke almost made it sound like he was sharing a secret. Something that was meant for himself, and his partner, and them only. "More than I think you know."

There was something about the words that covered John, wrapped him up and held him for a second. Purposefully, this time, he leaned down and kissed the top of Arthur's head. What he said next wasn't to mimic his lover's words, not an echo that he'd felt obligated to make- but a confession, ardent even in its hushed tone.

"And I have faith in you."

#malevolent podcast #prim-moth #this is shippy but it's g-rated i promise #is this au stuff? yeas. do i feel cringe about it? no💖#i woke up this morning and the first thing i did was fixate on the fucking hat money from pt.5 and write a wholeass post about it #i've moved well past the point of feeling cringe i think #also wyrm i think you'll probably notice where i started rly thinking about arthur's hair dfkljhdflgk #fun fact the way i picture arthur when his hair is unstyled is that he has curls that want to Eat him💖#and the fucking!! wyrm i need to say. the way you draw human john is like almost EXACTLY the way i've been picturing this whole damb time #it genuinely is like u ripped the visual from my brain #only difference is that i picture him with Mostly-straight dark hair #i'm #NO words anymore i hope you enjoy this💖💕#edit: there are SLIGHT discrepancies between this original post and the one on ao3 lol #changed a couple tiny details #not saying which ones😇

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lanadelnegan · 8 months

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Tattoo

Pre-apocalypse!Negan x Reader (Negan is y/n's art teacher & also owns a tattoo shop).

Warnings: THIS IS THE FILTHIEST THING I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR and it's just going to get filthier from here on. smut, forbidden love, age-gap (reader is 18, negan is 38), angst, oral (female receiving), lots of sexual tension, slow burnnnn.(there's an actual plot this time), vaginal sex, public sex, breeding, slight daddy kink

Summary: After graduating and leaving behind the man she fell for but couldn't have, y/n decides to get a tattoo that reminds her of him. And he gives it to her.

A/n: ugh, this had me in my feels. A "hard to get" teacher Negan. basically you're negan's former student and he gives you a tattoo and things.. well - just read it.

"Well damn. I don't mean to be sentimental, but I have seriously enjoyed teaching you little shits. I hope you can take what you've learned and apply it to something. Be creative. Oh, and.. don't think about hitting me up on Instagram after this because I don't do social media. That shit is toxic. Remember that, kids."

The bell cuts Negan off before he can finish his inspirational speech. He's always had such a way with words.. should have been an English teacher instead.

Most of the students rush out like the room is on fire, with the exception of a few annoying girls that think he'll jump their bones now that school is out.

"So, Mr. Smith, since you don't have social media, can I get your number at least?" I cringe as she twirls her hair around her finger and her friends giggle obnoxiously behind her.

"Girls. Behave for once. A tip for college? Don't flirt with your professors." He warns while motioning them out the door.

I suddenly realize that my ass has been glued to my seat this entire time and I'm the only one still here. I quickly get up and throw my backpack over one shoulder. He stares at me from the doorway but I just look down as I walk towards him.

"Bye Mr. Smith."

"Nice try. Sit down." He shuts his door and walks back into the room pointing towards my chair for me to sit.

"Mr. Smith, y/n?" He mocks. "Seriously?"

I never call him that. He's always been Negan to me.

I've known him for 4 years now. He's the only art teacher at Alexandria High, and even though I have no interest in art, I've taken his class every year because I do have an interest.. in him.

What he doesn't know is that I've been making mental notes everyday for the past four years about all his interests, personal life, hobbies, you name it.

He loves the color red - because it's the only color expo marker he writes in.

His favorite lunch is two cigarettes and coke zero. I hate that he smokes.

He stopped coaching baseball last year because he said he didn't have time anymore. But I think it's actually because he's never cared for it to begin with.

He had a wife, but she passed away. Some kind of cancer. She's still his computer wallpaper, which tells me he still hasn't moved on even though it was six years ago. My heart hurts for him.

He wasn't lying - he doesn't have social media....I would have found it.

He sits at another student's desk right next to mine with his body facing me.

"You gonna tell me why the hell you look like your best fucking friend just died?"

I stare at the floor next to his shoes and try to think about anything other than fact that I'm never going to see him again.

"Look at me."

I slowly lift my eyes to his and can't stop the tear that escapes the second I see his face.

"Ah, shit." His expression turns serious when he notices my tears. "Look, kid. I -"

"Stop calling me kid." I snap.

He chuckles. "Hate to break it to ya y/n, but you are very much a kid in my eyes, which is why this thing -" he motions his hand towards me. "this.. crush you have on me - has to end today."

My eyes widen as I stare at him speechless. He seriously did not just assume I have a crush on him.

"Did you jus - You seriously think just because a few stupid girls want to get in your pants, it means everyone does?" I scoff. "Unbelievable. You're my teacher. I don't have a crush on you."

He laughs as if we both know I'm lying - which I am.

"Alright, I'm sorry I called you a kid. Now, you wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"It's just I - I'm gonna miss you." I instantly regret saying it.

He nods and looks at the floor, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I'm sorry. I - I'm just gonna go." I get up to leave, leaving my heart with him. My stomach twists in a knot when I realize he isn't getting up to stop me.

Why would he?

Once I'm in the hall, I turn to take one last look at him. He's bent over with his hands through his hair as if his best friend just died.

Negan's POV: That fucking girl. In my twelve years of teaching, I've never cared about a student like I do her. I care about all of my students, but goddamn it, she's had me wrapped around her finger for longer than I'm comfortable to admit - And I never will. She fucking sucks at hiding her feelings. I knew from the first day she walked into my class that she wanted to jump on my dick. Hell, every girl does. But other girls bat their fake eyelashes at me and tell me how they feel. Y/n.. she's.. obsessed with me. She thinks I didn't notice her doodling my name in her notebook with little hearts. Or that I don't hear her whispering to her friends about the dreams she has about me. Or how she stares at me during lectures like she's on a different planet. And if that's not enough, the girl hates art. Yet she's chosen it as her elective every single year. She has straight A's in every class, but doesn't even try in mine. And yet.. my dumb ass still passed her with an A. Maybe because I'm obsessed with her too.

Back to Y/n's POV:

I cried on the way home that day.

While everyone else celebrated school ending with a party, I stayed in my room and cried while looking at his photo in the yearbook.

While everyone walked across the stage at graduation, my diploma came in the mail and I stayed home holding Negan's lucky baseball bat that he gave me last year.

My last day of junior year, I stayed after school to help Negan clean out his classroom so he could move into a bigger art room. That was the year he quit coaching. I replay the memory in my head more often than I should..

"Why do you have this bat just sitting in the corner?" "It brings me good luck. I hit a home run every game my senior year with that bat." "Your senior year? This bat is that old?!" "Watch it, kid." He rolls his eyes and throws some folders in a bin. "Hmm." I study the bat. "I could use some luck." "Keep it." I look at him confused. "But... it's your-" "I want you to have it." He cuts me off. "Are - Are you sure?" He sighs frustrated. "Do you not want it?" "Well, I mean, I do but -" "Then stop being stubborn and take it."

Ever since that day, his bat has been leaned up against the wall by my bed as a constant reminder of the man I want but can never have.

After a few weeks of feeling sorry for myself, my best friend tried convincing me to do something for myself since my birthday was coming up.

"Y/n, you should.. get your nails done, go buy some new clothes, do.. something. But you need to get out of that room. It's... depressing."

"I think I want a tattoo."

"Oh, okay, yeah. That's a good idea. What are you wanting to get?" She asks from the other end of the phone.

"I dunno." My eyes drift towards the bat. "Something meaningful."

The next day...

Lucille's

The tattoo shop sign reads. I swing the door open, excited for the first time in a month. The sound of tattoo guns and rock music fills the lobby.

"Hey, welcome to Lucille's. Do you have an idea of what you'd like or do you want to see some of our work?" The woman on the other side of the counter pulls out a binder.

"Oh, no, I think I know what I want already." I smile and pull up the picture on my phone before showing her.

"Okay, we can do that. Shouldn't take too long either. An hour tops. I can actually take you now in room 3." The so-called "rooms" aren't actually rooms, but rather closed off sections with tall walls on each side. From where I'm standing, I can't see the people in the tattoo chair, but I can see the top of the tattoo artists' heads if I stand on my tippy-toes.

She leads me to room 3 and I sit in the chair while she gets out the instruments.

"This your first tattoo?"

"Yeah, kinda nervous."

She smiles. "I'd tell you not to worry, but, sorry babe. It's gonna hurt."

I appreciate her honesty and just smile back at her.

"So, where do we want it?" she holds the printed off picture off of the tattoo I want.

I lean back in the chair, putting my legs up, so I'm laying down. I lift my shirt up right above my belly button and slightly pull my shorts down, revealing my pubic bone. "Right here." I point to the left side of where my panty line would be but lower.

After I confirm the placement, she presses the needle to my skin and I bite my bottom lip at the sudden pain that radiates throughout my hip.

"Breathe, babe. You got this."

After a couple seconds, she turns in her chair to load more ink into the gun.

"Y/n?" I hear from the entrance behind me.

I know that voice without turning to look. My eyes widen and the girl tattooing me looks at him.

"Hey boss, you two know each other?" She looks between the two of us.

I look back at him and see him nod at her. "I'll finish her up, Ruby. Thanks." He takes the tattoo gun from her and sits in her chair when she gets up to leave. The scent of leather and cigarettes fills the small room and I realize how much I missed it.

He pauses when he looks down at my skin and I can't tell if he's staring because of my tattoo of choice or because I'm almost completely exposed. If I didn't just shave, half of my pubic hair would be on display to him.

The way he's looking at my skin wakes the butterflies in my stomach and I have to mentally tell myself not to clench my legs together. He looks up at me through heavy eyelids and for the first time in four years, I'm unable to read him. I can't tell if he's disappointed, mad... or turned on...?

He looks back at the tattoo and shakes his head, sighing.

Okay, it's definitely a look of disappointment.

"You realize I have to finish this now that she's already started it, right?" He studies the lines already permanently marked in my skin. The faint purple lines of where the sticker was placed give away the complete outline of what the tattoo will be. "There's still time to change it though."

"What? What do you mean.. change it? I want this one."

"No." Is all he says and my eyes widen in shock at him.

"You can't tell me what to do Negan. I'm an adult, and I'm getting it."

"Why?" He snaps, frustration dripping from his tone.

He looks into my eyes for the first time since he's been in the room and the butterflies in my stomach have now gone wild.

"Because I... I want a piece of you with me always."

He closes his eyes and drops his head. My eyes start to water but I hold them back the best I can.

"Y/n." He shakes his head but to my surprise, he hesitantly places his left hand on my thigh, his fingers dangerously close to the spot I've imagined him touching a million times. The feel of his rough fingers on my bare skin ignites a flame in me I didn't know existed and all I do is stare at his hand.

"Relax." He rolls his eyes and starts the gun. He leans down closer and begins tattooing me.

I have to bite back the moan threatening to escape my lips. With Ruby.. it hurt. But with Negan, it.. almost feels good.

He glances up at me as if he can hear my thoughts and then goes back to gliding a straight line of ink across my skin.

The next few moments are spent in silence, with nothing but the sounds of the tattoo gun and music playing in the distance.

"Fuck, y/n. I'm gonna need these off so I can get to you better." He gestures at my shorts.

My eyes widen but I nod and slide them off, barely breathing now that I'm laying in front of Negan in just my underwear. The way his jaw ticks when he sees that I'm wearing red lace panties doesn't go unnoticed. His favorite color.

He places his hand back on my leg, this time with his fingers completely against my inner thigh. I slightly part my legs without thinking and he pauses to glance at me before continuing with the tattoo.

If he moved his finger half an inch upwards, he would be touching me.

"I never knew you worked at a tattoo shop." I break the silence, hoping to get my mind off his hand.

He chuckles. "I own it, darlin'. And there's a lot you don't know about me."

Another long pause happens before he speaks first this time.

"Why did you take art, y/n?"

"Uh.. I dunno, because I liked it."

He huffs out a laugh. "You liked it... or me?"

I shrug. "Both."

His face turns serious again and he stops the tattoo gun. "All done."

He backs away and motions for me to stand up and look in the mirror in the corner. I stand in front of it, but don't even notice my tattoo because my eyes catch Negan in the mirror staring at my ass. These panties don't leave much to the imagination and my cheeks redden at how much I'm exposed to him.

He suddenly looks up and makes eye contact with me in the mirror. His eyes are darker than usual and filled with lust.

"Come here." He demands and I obey, walking towards him.

Once I'm standing in front of him, he lifts his hands to grab my hips. My belly button is eye level to him and I look down, watching him intensely. His thumbs dig into my hips and he looks at the tattoo.

"Do you like it?" I ask him.

He ignores me and it makes my heart break a little more. "Lay back down, y/n." He gets up to pull the curtain over the entrance of the room.

I do as he says and he comes back, placing a clear tape bandage over the fresh tattoo.

He looks as if he's deep in thought before suddenly sliding his hands underneath my thighs and pulling me closer to him. He pushes my leg aside and rests my other foot in his lap until my legs are completely spread apart in front of him.

"You want me to touch you, y/n? Is that what you want?"

"Yes.."

"Tell me what you want, baby."

"Your mouth."

He chuckles darkly and kisses the inside of my thigh before sliding his fingers under my panties and ripping them apart.

He shoves them in the back of his jean pocket and wraps his arms around my thighs, holding my stomach down with his hands and leaning his head down closer.

"Look at this pretty pussy, baby. So wet for me you're glistening."

His eyes look up at me right before he licks me and my head falls back with pleasure.

He stops suddenly. "Eyes on me, darlin'. How many times have you imagined me between your legs? You're going to watch me eat this pussy, y/n."

I nod, looking at him and he continues. The sound of other people talking in the distance makes my senses even more heightened.

He licks me again, pressing his tongue into me harder this time. He moans as he stops at my clit and gently sucks it into his mouth. I moan and watch him as he looks like he's eating the best meal he's ever had.

"You taste even better than I imagined, baby."

"You.. imagined it?"

"Baby. You aren't the only one who daydreams in class." He says before dipping his tongue deep inside me.

He switches back and forth between licking me and sucking me until my moans get louder and faster.

"Negan, I'm gonna.."

"I know baby, give it to me." He rubs me with his tongue faster until I'm coming apart. His hand quickly covers my mouth and I cry out into his hand.

"Fuck, doll." He groans and adjusts himself through his jeans. "This pussy is about to make me cum in my pants like I'm a fucking teenager again."

"Negan.." I say out of breath. "I wanna touch you. Please."

He stands and picks up my shorts, but not before I see the huge bulge in his pants. He helps me put my shorts on and I look at him confused when he doesn't say anything.

"Nega-"

"No, y/n."

My eyes water with tears as I stand to finish pulling my shorts up. "I - I don't understand."

"This can't happen, baby. I shouldn't have touched you."

I nod. "So that's it, Negan? You get what you want and that's it.. you're just.. done with me?"

"Are you fucking serious? You think I got what I wanted? I'm standing here with a hard-on that's gonna give me a giant case of blue balls. Any other man would throw you on this table and take you right here."

"Then why don't you?!"

"Because I fucking.. I care about you. You happy now? I fucking CARE ABOUT YOU, y/n. And I'm not going to break your heart."

I wipe a tear that runs down my cheek. "You already did." I grab my purse and rush out of the room, stopping in front of Ruby on the way out and pulling out some cash.

"I'm sorry hun." She says empathetically as if she heard everything that just happened.

I cry harder and lay the cash down before leaving and walking to my car. Before I can open my car door, Negan is grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him.

"Goddamn it, listen to me!"

I don't fight him, I just stare at him, noting the hurt in his eyes. My heart hurts and I suddenly feel guilty for making him feel any ounce of pain.

"Y/n.. look.."

"No." I cut him off. "Negan, I'm sorry. This is my fault.. I put you in this situation because I was selfish.. and delusional. I'm so sorry. I'll leave, and you won't have to hear from me or see me again."

He scoffs. "You think that's what I want? I guess you don't know me the way I thought you did."

Before I can say anything else, he crashes his lips to mine and kisses me so hard and but so softly at the same time. His fingers slip through my hair and his hand rests on the back of my neck as he deepens our kiss.

"You're gonna be the death of me, kid."

I bite his lip hard when he calls me kid and our kiss goes from passionate to animalistic. He presses himself flat against me with my back against my car and I feel his hard cock straining against his jeans. His lips travel to my neck and he bites me hard, right before kissing and sucking the sensitive spot.

That's definitely going to leave a mark.

"You have no clue what you do to me, baby." He says in between kisses. His voice is raspier and deeper than usual. "Do you have any idea how many times I've left work and had to rub one out at the thought of you? Hell, sometimes even at work."

I look around the parking lot. It's nighttime but we're still clearly visible in the lights.

"Look at me, y/n. Forget where we are and just focus on me baby." His hand slips into my shorts and it takes him no time to find my soaked entrance since my panties are currently in his back pocket.

"Negan.." I breathe.

He smiles against my lips. "Baby.. You sure this is what you want? Because once I've had you, you're mine."

I nod and he puts his mouth next to my ear.

"Take your shorts off. Now." He pulls his hand from my shorts and sucks my juices off his fingers.

"But, Negan, we're-"

"I said, now y/n. You want me so bad, you're gonna get me wherever and however I say. Now, take your fucking shorts off before I rip them too."

I hesitantly slide my shorts off while looking around again. There aren't any other cars in the parking lot other than a couple of his employees. All the customers left. There's a main road up ahead but we're far enough away where they wouldn't see us unless they we're staring really hard.

"Good girl. Now take my cock out, baby."

He leans his hands against my car on either side of me, trapping me in. I waste no time reaching for the button on his jeans and unzipping him before pulling out his hard, huge cock. It's bigger than I imagined.. a lot bigger. I don't know how that thing is going to even fit in me. He's so hard that the veins in his cock look like they are about to erupt and his tip is already dripping with precum.

I can't help but run my thumb over the tip to collect some and bring it to my mouth to taste him. His eyes darken with lust at the sight of me sucking his precum off my finger.

"Taste good, doll?"

I nod and he chuckles. "There's a lot more where that came from."

He grips the back of my thigh with his hand and pulls my right leg around his waist.

The feeling of his dick rubbing against my wet pussy is enough to make my knees weak. Literally. I almost collapse at the sensation of him rubbing the head against my opening, teasing me. He presses his body closer to me in attempt to hold me up.

"Fuck, look at this dripping pussy." He looks down between us, admiring the view of his cock teasing my wet slit. "It's about to be dripping with my cum in a few minutes.. You ready for me, baby?"

"Yes, please. I need you."

He enters me completely in one swift motion, not giving me anytime to adjust. My walls are stretched further than they've ever been and it feels like the tip of him is buried up to my stomach.

He doesn't move for a moment, but instead looks into my eyes with his cock all the way inside of me. "There you go, baby. Finally getting what you wanted after all these years and taking my dick like a champ."

"Negan.." I moan. "Please.. just fuck me."

He pulls out of me almost completely before slowly pushing himself back in, agonizingly slow. Our bodies are flush against each other and he kisses me again.

"Fuck, baby." He growls. "You. Feel. So. Fucking GOOD." He says between thrusts as my mouth falls open.

I wrap my arms around his neck to hold myself up and lean against him with my lips pressed against his neck. I take the opportunity to mark him back, grabbing his skin between my teeth and sucking hard. He moans so loud that I glance around to make sure no one heard him, but we're still alone.

His thrusts get harder and faster and the sounds coming from his sexy mouth are enough alone to make me cum.

"Look at me, y/n. I want to see your face when you cum all over my cock."

His hand that was on the car behind me slides between us, instantly finding my clit. He begins rubbing circles on it with his middle finger while thrusting his hips into me faster.

I look into his eyes while my arms are still wrapped around his shoulders tightly, keeping me in place. My fingers run through his dark hair and my breathing goes erratic as I feel myself come undone around him.

"You want me to fill you up, baby? You want daddy's cum?"

I nod quickly as tears run down my cheeks from the most intense orgasm I've ever had.

"FUCK, baby." He groans and slams his mouth against mine. I kiss him back as he rides out his orgasm.

He pulls out of me slowly and softly kisses my lips one more time. I go to put my shorts on and he stops me.

"Not so fast, doll." He gets down on his knees in front of me, pushing my legs apart in front of him. "Push daddy's cum out baby. Let me see it drip out of you."

I do as he says and the feeling of his warm seed running down my legs is almost enough to send me over the edge again.

"Look. At. THAT." He swipes up some of his cum from my leg onto his finger and stands back up but not before gently kissing my new tattoo.

I think I love this man.

He rubs his finger along my lips until my mouth opens for him. I suck his fingers clean and moan at the taste of him.

"Y/n." He pushes my hair behind my ear and looks at me seriously. "I meant it when I said I care about you."

"You care about all your students."

"Yeah, but I don't go sticking my dick in them." He smirks and takes my hand, leading me back into the shop.

The others must have already left when - when.. oh.. shit.

"Negan, do you think they saw us?!"

"Well darlin', I was fucking your brains out right next to the door, so I think it's probably safe to assume so." He grins and my eyes widen with horror.

"Do you not care?"

"What can they do, doll? Fire me?" He laughs and leads me to the back where his office is.

"What are we doing in here?"

"Getting matching tattoos, of course."

I stare at him, trying to register what he just said. "You're.. going to give yourself a tattoo?"

He chuckles and hands me a tattoo gun before taking off his shirt and sitting on the couch in the corner.

"No, doll, you are."

The Enddd.

Part 2 or nah?

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void-wolfie · 10 months

Text

Falling Head First

summary: you're a bit clumsy, it's a good thing Jenna's always there to pick you up when you fall. [request]

pairing: Jenna Ortega x gn!Reader

tw: none? terrible writing lol... (let me know if I need to add anything)

words: 2.22k

a/n: hope this is what you were looking for anon. Sorry it took me so long to get to your request.

You skated past that house again, the one where the kids were always outside playing. The one where that pretty girl lived.

Except this time, there weren't any kids outside goofing around. Just her. That pretty girl who was roughly your age, maybe a bit older. She had her headphones in and her nose buried in her phone as she sat on the front porch.

You always rode past her house, hoping maybe one day she'd stop you and say hi. You'd stop yourself, but you just couldn't... Your mother called it being shy, your therapist liked to call it social anxiety. Either way, you couldn't bring yourself to talk to her. Or anyone really. Too many what-ifs... What if she laughed at you? What if you embarrassed yourself? What if she hated you? Or called you stupid? Or-

Lost in your thoughts, you'd completely missed the rock in the road. Your skateboard darted out to the side, throwing you head-first into the pavement.

You rolled over onto your back, trying to brush off the adrenaline pumping through your veins. Everything hurt, but nothing felt broken, right?

"Oh my god, are you ok?" You looked up to notice the girl rushing towards you, looking fairly concerned.

"Uh-" You looked yourself up and down, nothing felt broken, nothing looked broken, "Fine, I think,"

"You're bleeding," She kneeled beside you, softly tilting your chin to get a better look at your head.

She prodded at the corner of your forehead with her finger. You instantly recoiled, hissing at the stinging sensation.

"Sorry, sorry," She backed away, leaving the cut alone. "You're not gonna need stitches, come on, let me get you patched up,"

She stood up and held out her hand, offering to help you up.

Your mind was reeling. Why was she being so nice to you, the two of you were strangers…

"Uh, thanks," You took her hand, letting her help you up. It was either let her help clean you up, or skate home with blood dripping down your face. Might as well pick the option with the pretty girl, you thought to yourself.

You picked up your skateboard and followed the girl into the house, leaving the board by the door so as not to track dirt through the whole place.

"I'm Jenna, by the way,"

"y/n,"

She pointed at the toilet and you sat down, wringing your hands nervously. She dug around underneath the bathroom counter, most likely looking for a first aid kit of some kind.

She set a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the counter followed up by a washcloth and a box of Band-Aids.

"I've seen you around before, do you live close?"

Oh small talk, why did it have to be small talk? You suck at small talk...

"Uh, yeah. Just a few streets down from here,"

"How old are you?"

You internally cringed, why did this feel so painfully awkward?

"Sixteen, my birthday's in a few months... what about you?"

"Seventeen, my birthday was last week actually,"

"Oh, happy birthday,"

"Thanks,"

The smile she gave you made you feel like you were on cloud nine. Butterflies, fireworks, every other stupid little analogy they talk about in those cheesy romance novels. You'd fall off your skateboard every day if it meant you could see that smile just one more time.

"Stop moving," You hadn't even realized your knee had been bouncing up and down, picking at your fingernails. Bad habits you'd picked up over the years, and ones you generally caught yourself doing when you were nervous.

She grabbed the bottle of hydrogen peroxide and the washcloth, placing herself in between your knees as she stood in front of you. "Alright, hold still. This'll probably sting."

"One, two..."

You waited for her to get to three, but it never came. Instead, you felt her pour the liquid into the cut, burning as it fizzled.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow-" You tried to sit still, but you weren't very good at it. You were squirming like a worm on a hook, eyes closed as a mix of hydrogen peroxide and blood dribbled down the side of your face.

You heard Jenna giggle, followed by the feeling of her hand cupping your cheek, "I said hold still." She wiped off the side of your face with the washcloth, dabbing at the cut slightly to make sure it was all dry.

You felt her leave the spot in front of you. You opened your eyes, watching as she tossed the washcloth into the sink, grabbing the box of Band-Aids from the counter.

"Ok, you have a very important decision to make," you tilted your head, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Jenna had to hold in a laugh at how adorable you looked.

"Scooby-Doo or Spiderman?" She held up two Band-Aids, one with little Scooby-Doo heads and doggy prints, the other with Spiderman doing a bunch of different poses.

She was attempting to look dead serious, a blank stare as she waited for you to answer, but you didn't buy the act for one second.

You scoffed playfully, "Scooby-Doo, of course."

She set the Spiderman Band-Aid back in the box with a smile, "Not a fan of Spiderman, huh?"

"Spiderman is cool, Scooby-Doo is just better,"

She stood back in front of you, nudging your knees further apart so could step between them again. Only so she could get closer to your face for the Band-Aid, no other reason. At least, that's what she told herself.

You watched her as she got closer, getting lost between the freckles that dotted her face like stars in the night sky and those big brown eyes, nearly black as night yet full of so much life and joy.

"You're staring," She smirked, enjoying the blush that spread across your cheeks and up to your ears.

"Sorry," You squeaked out, nervously looking at the ground.

"It's alright,"

She grabbed your chin in her hand, angling your head so you were staring at the wall so she could get a better view of the cut on your head. "Stay,"

You didn't move a muscle. How could you when she said it like that? Like you were some lost little puppy following her every whim… Putting it like that made you feel pathetic, after all, you'd only met the girl today. And yet, part of you knew you'd do whatever she said just to keep seeing that adorable smile.

Five minutes and you were already whipped...

You were so caught up in your thoughts you barely even registered her putting the Band-Aid on. You hadn't realized she was done till her hand was on your chin again. Her hand was still cupping your face as you stared up at her, once again falling prey to those enchanting eyes and countless freckles.

"All better," She took a step back, removing herself from between your legs, much to your disappointment.

"Hi, love," you leaned back, hanging upside down in front of Jenna.

She yelped, jumping back a step out of surprise. She hadn't expected you to be there when she rounded the corner, "Jesus, y/n. You scared the shit outta me."

"Sorry," You gave a sheepish smile, feeling bad for scaring her.

It'd been two years since you met Jenna, and one amazing year since the two of you started dating. Your only regret was not kissing her that first day you met. She was standing right there, right between your knees, and you let the chance slip away... But that was a thing of the past, and now you could kiss her as much as you wanted.

"What are you doing up there? It's starting to rain, baby, we got to go,"

You pouted, a bit childishly at that. Jenna had to fight off the urge to smile at you. She didn't want you to fall and hurt yourself, you were already prone to accidents as is.

The two of you decided to have a day for yourselves, just goofing off and having fun. Somewhere along the way you ended up at the park, walking along the trails and enjoying the peace and quiet. Jenna left you near the playground by yourself while she ran off to the restroom, it was only natural that you decided to goof off and have a little fun. After coming back, Jenna noticed the rain coming in, scaring off what was left of the remaining parents and kids.

It was drizzling as she searched for you. Rounding the corner she found you here, dangling upside-down from the pull-up bars by your knees.

"I wanted to try kissing you upside down, like in the movie last night,"

She couldn't hold back the giggles this time, smiling at your adorable pout, "You mean the Spiderman kiss? The upside-down, kissing in the rain thing?"

"Yes please, kisses now," You made grabby hands at her, which came out a bit awkward and uncoordinated from how you were hanging upside down.

She laughed, showing off that radiant smile that you adored. She grabbed the sides of your face, kissing you as requested. It was soft, simple, and sweet. No different from the dozens of other times she'd kissed you before. But goddamn, that feeling you get every time never seems to go away. Her kisses were addictive, they set your nerves on fire and left you craving more. You felt like you could melt under her touch.

Apparently, you relaxed under her touch a little too much. Your grip on the bar loosened and the bar slipped out from beneath you. Before you knew it Jenna was scrambling back as you tumbled head-first into the uneven ground below.

You knew something was wrong the second you landed, a small crack coming from somewhere.

"Ow..."

Jenna watched you slip from the bar, managing to brace your fall as you stuck out your arms. She heard a yelp, followed by a strained 'ow'. But you didn't get up right away. She watched you curl in on yourself instead, writhing about on the ground in pain.

Shit.

She was down on her knees beside you in the dirt, wanting to help but afraid to touch you and make everything worse, "Hey, what happened? Where's it hurt?"

"My wrist," You managed to get out between gritted teeth, tears already beginning to well up in your eyes from the pain, "I fell on my wrist."

"Ok, let me see,"

You stopped wriggling about long enough for her to look at your arm. It didn't look like it was broken, granted her idea of ‘broken’ entailed bones sticking out of the skin or limbs pointed in funny directions.

Jenna went to gently grab your arm, so she could check the other side, but you quickly pulled back with a little yelp and a rush of tears.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She was starting to panic now, she'd barely even touched you.

The rain was starting to come down harder now, too much longer and the two of you would be soaked to the bone. Far off in the distance, Jenna could just barely make out the rumbling of thunder.

All she had to do was get you to the car. But that was easier said than done. You were still on the ground, wet from the rain, and tensed up in pain.

"Hey, baby, look at me,"

You stopped wriggling around for just a moment, long enough to focus on Jenna. She placed her hands on either side of your face and you closed your eyes, melting into her touch. She placed a kiss on your forehead, then on your nose, and finally on your lips.

"Let's get you home, alright?"

She lied. Well, not technically, but yes.

When Jenna said she was going to take you home, you assumed she meant right away. But that was a lie. Instead, she forced you into going to the ER first to get your wrist checked out.

After hours of waiting, having to endure the stale smell of disinfectant, and medical professionals poking and prodding at your arm, you were finally being sent home.

You flopped down on the sofa the second you got through the door. You were exhausted. You closed your eyes and curled up into the corner of the couch, being careful not to agitate your arm, wishing you could fall asleep right then and there.

You were just about to doze off when you heard footsteps approaching. You didn't bother to look, only one other person was home.

"Scoot over, love,"

You did as you were told, making room for your girlfriend next to you. The second she was comfortable you laid yourself across her lap, finding it a bit awkward to get comfortable with the splint for your wrist.

Your eyes were shut once again as you felt something soft being nudged into your arms. You didn't have to look to know what it was. It was the stuffed animal Jenna bought you for your birthday, the absolute softest plush dinosaur you'd ever seen. You definitely haven't slept with it every night since then.

She draped a blanket over the two of you and by the time she started running her fingers through your hair, you were already asleep. The only sound in the room coming from your soft snores.

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x gn!reader #void-wolfie

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adventuringblind · 7 months

Text

The Edge of the Knife

Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Genre: Smut

Summary: Sometimes, pain is the only sense of control she has. So, she gives that to Daniel too.

Warnings: SH is mentioned but not described, fingering, bandage, knife play, branding, dom/sub dynamics, gentle Daniel, PinV, everything is consensual and very safe

Notes: Listen, y'all, this is probably the best thing I've ever written. I fell in love with this so fast. Also, I promise I'm working on requests! I just also have to find time to write things for me as well 😁

Masterlist

She wouldn't say Daniel is possessive. He doesn't care if she talks to other guys. Hardly gets jealous. Only intervenes if he can see she's uncomfortable.

He does, however, like to show her off. Show people she's his in the more unconventional ways. Hickeys and bite marks are the way he normally claims her. It wards off the unwanted attention and he gets to be smug about showing people she's his.

She loves it. Bathes in his adoration and want of people knowing she's his. He's always telling people how amazing she is to the point where Max even gets fed up with him because he's so smitten.

She is really his everything. Would give her the moon and stars ig she asked. He wants to show everyone she's his in every way.

The problem is, hickeys and bite marks aren't permanent and a tattoo is nice (he has many) but it's not as personal. It doesn't feel the same.

Now, on her end, she feels the same way. But she'd never say this to him. The fear of rejection outweighs the desire for him to make her his in a permanent way.

Her past isn't an easy one. It's not something she talks about often. It's heavy and she doesn't like thinking to much on it if she can help it.

The edge of the knife has been her attempt at regaining control. A pain she chooses in a life that hasn't ever given her a choice. It's not a good habit and she's aware of it. Daniel has done a good job of keeping her mind occupied enough. Even helping her find other healthy habits.

Yet her mind still wanders back to that place. That desire to choose where and when she feels pain. That desire to retain control over at least that one thing.

It's on a particularly hard day when she finally goes to Daniel. She'd been stressed beyond what she could handle. The weight of the world sitting uninvited on her chest.

He'd noticed this; Daniel is an observant person.

Her mind had wandered to distant and dark places. The depths she shouldn't wander to. She walks gently over to Daniel where he sits absentmindedly flipping the switchblade in his hands. Most likely double checking he still had it and it hasn't fallen into her bored hands.

When Daniel takes notice of her just standing in wait, he puts the knife away safely in his pocket and opens his arms to her.

The tears flow freely then, soaking into his shirt like it's a towel. His fingers run along her spine, shoulder, arm, and her legs. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Life's just hard right now." She admits through choked sobs.

Daniel hums into her neck. "Do you want something specific to help?"

She hesitates. This could be to her detriment. But she wants the knife on her skin so badly she's willing to beg for it. So, she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for whatever happens.

"I want you to mark me. Permanently." She cringes away from him. Though it's pointless, Daniel simply drags her gaze back to him with a hand layed gently on her cheek.

"I want you to be very specific. Do you want me to brand you with the knife?" He sounds serious, but there is a look of excitement in his eyes that betray his calm demeanor.

She shakes her head yes, assuming that will suffice.

"Words baby." She assumed wrong.

"I want you to carve me with your knife. I want you to mark me permanently. Want you to make me yours, Danny."

They eye contact he holds with her is gentle and considerate. She can see him mulling through his thoughts. His hand moves to her left hip, his fingers tracing things against it.

"How you you feel about the number three? Make you the only lucky charm I'd ever need."

She almost falls out of his lap. "Yes please." It's something like a whine mixed with a beg. It's desperate but she could care less.

"Now, I know this might be scary, so do you want me to have complete control over you? Or shall we skip that for tonight?"

"No please, I need you to take the control away. If you do it then I can't anymore. It'll be like ruining something intimate after."

"Then give me a few minutes. I want you waiting on the bed when I come back."

It doesn't take long to strip of her clothes as asked. Her mind wanders to what he could need that not in there bedroom already. She runs through a mental list in her head, but her thoughts are cut short by Daniel sneaking back into the room softly.

"Fuck love, you're sitting so pretty for me. My beautiful girl."

He's beaming at her. She can feel the blush on her face rise to her ears. Mostly because of the compliments, but also because of what he returned to her with. Daniel places some darker colored towels, water, and first aid supplies on the nightstand. It makes her swoon. Seeing him care so much and so willing to do this for her.

"I'm gonna tie you up now, okay baby?"

"Okay."

"Color?"

"Green."

Always attentive. Always checking in with her.

He takes his time securing her wrists to the headboard. There is no escape now. Daniel reassures her many times that she can back out. There is no shame in that. Then he kisses every inch of her body. Praises her for being so brave. "My beautiful girl, being so brave for me, letting me show the world your mine."

She's no longer in the darkest portions of her mind. She's given up to the voice of Daniel. Submitted her mind and body to him, letting him take car of her how he deems fit.

Her legs are not secured. She assumes that it's something to do either future plans. For now, he spreads her legs and places wet kisses and small bites around the space she needs him most.

She cries in relief when his tongue flicks her clit woth kitten licks. Her moans grow as he laps at her like a man who's starving. She repeats his name like she's praying to give her the release she desperately craves.

Its messy, but it's amazing. Daniel's hands place pressure on both her knees to keep them down. The tremors shaking through her body make her legs want to cage him there.

The rapidly building release stops suddenly. She bucks her hips I'm utter disappointment. She wants more of him. She needs more of him.

"You're doing so good for me baby. You'll get to cum, Just not yet." He winks. It makes her fall into that fuzzy, floaty headspace even more.

Daniel maneuvers their bodies into an odd position. Her left side is facing the ceiling but he has her looking at him. Her left leg is bent so he can still have access to her aching a needy heat.

His fingers are slow to fill her. Two, but with his rings on it feels like more to her.

"Are you sure you want this love? You're sure you want to show off that you're my girl?"

"Please Danny. I want this. I need this. Let the world know I'm only yours." She moans out. It's mildly slurred but she knows he understands. There is a glint in his eyes that it excited. His pupils are wide with arousal. His lips twitch up in that award winning smile she loves so much. It doesn't help she can feel how hard he is through his shorts.

Daniel loses his shirt, but his shorts stay on for the moment. Then he curls his fingers back into her, capturing her lips as he does. It's a sloppy and wet kiss that he spends dominating her lips. It's filled with love and passion, which is normal for them, but this one feels different. There is something primal about it.

His fingers do a number on her. He knows her body so well that his fingers work on autopilot. Daniel pulls away from the kiss and pulls out the switchblade in his pocket. He holds eye contact while gently tracing the outline of the three he plans on carving into her skin.

The cold of the metal against her skin pulls another breathy moan out of her. "You like how the feels baby? You like knowing I'm gonna make you mine?" If she could moan any louder it would alert the whole of Monaco.

"Danny I'm-"

"Shhhh, it's okay baby, let me take care of you."

It's startling, being three seconds away from the plunging her body and soul into endless pleasure and having the knife press deep into her flesh.

Three seconds becomes zero and the cliff falls out from beneath her. She scream his name as his fingers work her endlessly into overstimulation and the knife continues its path.

She can't hear. She can't see. Her mind is overrun with emotion. Her muscles contract as her nerves catch fire.

She can vaguely hear the man she loves talking her through it. The contrast between the filthy but loving words he uses only sends her further into submission.

Finally, his fingers slow and the knife is no longer touching her. She can hear in click closed an set on the nightstand.

She's just crying at this point in a writhing mess of pain and pleasure.

Then Daniel does something she's not expecting. His tongue hits the area of her hip that's now leaking crimson. It's animalistic the way he licks the wound clean. It's aggressive the way his fingers leave her just for his hand to find the wound and make her cry out ad he applies pressure. It's primal how his red coated lips find hers. His free hand wipes away her tears as he sings her praises. Her mind can only find him in the fog as he claims her as his over, and over again.

She watches with intrigue as the rest of his clothes fall to the ground. As his hands are wiped off on one of the towels that he then places under her. The goal to catch the excess blood running down her side.

Is a mix of gentle and possessive as he fucks her into the sheets. Her body and the mattress becoming one.

It's loving and beautiful. It sparks every positive emotion in her. The sting in her hip numbed from the feeling of Daniel flush against her skin. His hips rocking rhythmically and hitting every place she needs him.

She's lost by the time he finishes. His voice the only thing making sense in her head. She almost cries when she can no longer feel his skin of hers. The feeling of him gone more painful then the ache on her side.

"I'm here baby. We have to clean you up now, okay? Gotta keep my mark from getting infected."

He's gentle with her body as he cleans it. Though, she still hisses in pain as he works through disinfecting everything and plastering medical tape over it.

"You're so beautiful baby. Can't believe you're all mine. My everything. The love of my life. And now the only lucky charm I'll ever need."

The next morning is filled with sweet kisses and gentle looks. Daniel has to stop her from just ripping the bandage off and staring at the mark for hours. He simply keeps her hands busy in other ways.

When Daniel deems it safe to pull the bandage off, he's the one to do it. Nothing but lobe and adoration fills both of them as they see the, currently stabbed, mark on her hip. He places small kisses down the length of it.

In reality, the mark is only visible to them. But Max had invited them to swim and Daniel wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste.

Did he get her a bikini that revealed more then neccecary? Yes. Is she wearing it and basking in his attention? Also yes. Something about the way he hypes her up just drives her confidence levels up.

Is everyone a little concerned when they see a very obvious scar of the number three on her hip? Again, yes. That concern quickly dies down when they see how happy she is when Daniel traces his fingers over it.

Max comes and asks teases them about it eventually. "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing!" He laughs.

Daniel looks between him and a certain Monegasque. "Mhmm, like you would do the same with your whole name to a certain someone." Her and Daniel laugh as Max turns a bright shade of red.

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beansnsoup · 1 year

Note

Got another Luigi oneshot idea for ya (which I might make my own hc's for)

Luigi x booette!reader who has a human form. The irony of this is completely there, with how Luigi is scared of ghosts and yet he has a ghost girlfriend who's the daughter of the boo king. She thinks she's hidden it well but twist is Luigi already knows and yet loves her anyway

The rest is up to you

I love this concept so so much

☆

Boo!

Summary: Being the daughter of King Boo was never easy, especially since you were in love with a man who was terrified of ghosts, specifically your dad.

Relationship: Romantic

Warnings: Fem reader, ghost reader, fluff, angst if you squint

"Whew." Luigi let out, whining off his forehead. He had just sucked up 10 ghosts as once.

"Good job, baby!" You congratulate him, smothering his face in kisses. He melted in your touch, sighing out of love.

An echoey laugh raged from down the hallway, causing you both to face the way it was coming from. It was a familiar laugh, Luigi jolted and started trembling as you cringed.

"What should we do?" He asked you, his voice all trembled.

You giggled, "I don't think he's going to make a move at the moment. He's just trying to scare you into leaving and giving up."

He looked around, shaking a little less, "How do you know," He asked.

"Oh! Um, just a hunch!" You reply, quickly enough it didn't seem that you were lying.

You've had to keep being the daughter of King Boo for a while. He's expressed how frightened he is of him and ghosts in general. So you just assumed he was just as scared of you if he knew.

You guide him out to the elevator, "I know we have to go take this all to Professor E. Gadd, but do you want to go explore a bit?"

He thinks for a minute and then nods, smiling at you and then putting the new elevator button in its slot.

You felt your stomach drop a bit as he looked at you. Every time you felt him look at you, you were scared he was getting closer to finding out what you truly were.

You took a deep breath as the elevator doors opened, bolting out. He stared at you in confusion but followed you anyway.

He looked around while you helped un wedge the doors. You found a group of ghosts in one who immediately recognized you.

Your father had been trying to get you back to his side, but you've been swerving past every challenge he's put in front of you.

Luigis noticed all of this. He's seen how King Boo is mostly looking at you or the ghosts target you. That doesn't change how afraid Luigi is, though.

He hasn't questioned you at all about it, just in case it's a sensitive subject. He did, however, notice your freakishly light hair when the two of you met.

Again, he never pointed out, he didn't want to come off as rude. Luigi also suspected the impossible, that you yourself were a ghost, but no, you couldn't be.

He follows you into the room you just went in, noticing some small ghosts leaving quickly. You turn around and notice him looking at you weird, "Luigi?"

Luigi raises his eyebrows, "Yes?"

"Is something wrong?"

Luigi looks around trying to find the words too say, he can't just straight up ask if you if you're a ghost. You had a feeling he was catching on; you were scared he was trying to look for a way to break up with you and leave you behind.

Before he could say anything, you decided to just let out the truth instead of continuing to lie to him.

"Luigi, I'm sorry I've kept this from you, I just didn't want you to leave. I knew how scared you are of King Boo-"

"So, you are a ghost?"

You nod, "And King Boos daughter..." You said, cringing at your statement.

Luigi gulped.

"I understand if you want to go on without me."

His face softened as you said this, shaking his head, "No, Y/n, of course not. I love you, and nothing is going to change that."

You smile, going in to hug him, "Thank you, I love you."

Yoooo this is pretty long

#luigi super mario #luigi #luigi nintendo #super luigi #luigi x reader #luigi my beloved #super mario bros #super mario movie #luigis mansion

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nwarrior777 · 10 months

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i was a bad person and here is my big message about it

even tumblr couldn't hold this much of a post so i made it under the cut. well. i was trying to write it for YEARS sooo i guess it's a little hard to squish in something small

i am frightened of seeing your reaction on this post but. it needs to be made. i wanted to make it for years. if not now then when?

long story about one fundamental thing i deeply regret and want to leave in the past and move on, and today is the perfect time to talk about it.

so. as i told, yesterday was my 26 birthday. and it was a special one. cause i gave it concept

26 years. 25+1. for me it means that half of my life is behind me. (maybe 1/3 if i will be lucky). i decided my 26 birthday will be beginning of my new era. i will leave my past behind and will go into my. present.

the problem is that my past is soooo fucked up

i did a lot of cringe bad things, WHICH I DEEPLY REGRET ABOUT but i want to tell you about one, which is haunting me the most. i thought about writing post about it sooo much times, i tried, but i couldn't do it everytime because then i thought about it i felt soooo ashamed and just burning in selfhate so what's the thing and why exactly this thing I want to tell you about above all of the things which i regret? well because now i am totally opposite person to that mindset which i am ashamed of so! pls keep in mind that i REGRET having that mindset. i think i realized that it's something not good in my 19 years old (my 19 years old is my turning point in life in general), now i am one day 26, but it's still was hunting me!!! 6 fucking years of constant shame and hating myself!!! at this moment i got rid of this thing in my mind and actions completely, and i want to put the final nail in the coffin by this post. so!!! i.. H A D (NOW I DON’T!!!)... fat fetish :c ( * internal screaming full of fear, selfhate and realising that i can hurt someone's feeling by that * ) i almost always had complicated relationships with fatness. first anorexia, but, at the same time then i hated my body i realized that i find fat people beautiful, hot even? (mostly masculine dudes? i don't remember that i thought about others?). and then i got into my horny ~18 yeaaars and ehhhh i was exploring my horny feelings and preferences. i was deep diving in that fat fetish content, i even made sooome drawings (I think I posted, ~2 on internet AND I HATE THE FACT THAT THEY EXIST SO MUCH). and. next thing will sound naive. but. people who do bad things are always dumb and don't realize basic shit. so. i haven't seen anything bad in fat fetish. and at this time i already had my own moral compass, which i still have AND it helped me get out of this my moral compass: if it hurts someone - it's bad. if not – then it’s fine. and my depiction of fat fetish was reversed in my head. i thought that people participating in it.. feeling sexy and validated? that it's something powerful (I DON'T THINK THIS WAY NOW!) but then i saw one post

it was a person, saying, that they saw a content with fetishization of their appearance and they felt uncomfortable and humiliated by it

and i was like "wait what??? fetishes make people sad??? IT SOMETHING WHAT HURTS SOMEONE??? It's!!! It's... a bad thing!!!"

and i think since then i started to go away from it?

and it's not a second, day or month. you know that getting rid of cigarettes is hard and takes time, right? imagine how hard and how much time will take getting away from moral mindset mistake

if you do something bad it usually means that it is deep in your life

it's hard to go away from people with same mindset, your actions in the past which you thought was fine are now your shame etc etc

but!!! i've been working on myself. i don't want to hurt people, and yeah, hurting someone's feelings counts too.

sooo time was going by and it was less and less fetish content in my corner of internet. i realized that fetish is NOT something powerful and cool or sexy. representation is!!! you can draw gorgeous powerful sexy person without fetishization. actually people on fetish art... well, sometimes they don't even look like people. more like fucked up sex toys. it's so wrong, so bad and i am so ashamed that at some point of my life i thought it's something not awful

then i got into art community, more queer and bodypositive, i learned how to love my body, accepted it at 100% beat the fuck up anorexia. my feed in all the social media are now queer/bodypositive/artists usually all at once. if i see fetish blog reblogging me (i can't check every one but sometimes it happens) i ban it and

and now i don't watch any fetish content, don't have fantasies or dreams about that. now even if i see some content by accident (then you are in internet, you sometimes see shit which you don't want to see, like idk, some fetish blog relogging my art) it makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't turn on at all.

it was the last thing of this to defeat - physical desire. It’s like addiction, sometimes i wanted to watch Fetish Horny Content sooooo bad that it literally was on physicall level, and i just, well, watched and blamed myself for that after

and here is a little strange part, because one day it just... disappeared? with all my libido. aand honestly, it's fine, maybe i can't get turn on at all, but better not feeling libido at all then having it and having this shit in the head. aaaand also i have kiinda same emotions from... art. like cool art. in general. like, show me a good dramatical movie, some cool music, some touching piece of art, cool fucking made edit - i am shivering and crying tears of joy. i have this sooo, yep, it's enough for me, and i can survive loosing libido, if it's price for taking fetish from my head - shut up and take my... libido (okay that part turn out kinda goofy but like, let’s take it as lightning the mood because all the post is some fucked up dark shit)

so yeah. long story short, i was a cringe bad person and i regret that. i've done many cringe things but i decided to tell you exactly about this one because it is fundamental thing in my life and, as you can see, my art

as you could notice, all my characters are fat. and i am trying my best to draw them respectfully. goal of my life is trying to be good person (trying because you can never be sure that you are 100% right. you need to listen people and be ready to change. it's never ending road. what's why i use word "trying". you can't "be" good. only try) goal of my art is to bring people happiness by art, and representation is my method.

i feel very ashamed of that fact that i was participated in phenomen like fat fetish and now i make opposite thing - draw art, based on representation of fat people (and also queer and having other features but this post is not about that)

aaand yeah, sounds not very nice

but... i just hope that you can see that i am drawing fat people with respect. yes, a lot of time my characters presented as sexy. but i am trying to draw fat characters sexiness in respectful way. i've seen fetish art - and i am trying to draw NOT like that.

i learned my lesson. i don't want EVER draw fetish art again. i want!!! draw good things which brings people joy. i deeply sorry for that fetish thing was in my mind. but it's gone. I fought it in me for years, i won, fuck this thing. i want this thing stay in the past!!!!!

and brain, stop fucking hunting me with "whEn thEy wIll KnoW thEy Will Be All DissApoinTed in YoU!! ALL YOUR ART INFLUENCE WILL ZERO OUT THEN PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT!!!" these thoughts were been killing me for YEARS

i am deeply ashamed of having fat fetish phaze. but it's over. i learned that it's bad, i don't want to have it in my life ever again. and i don't want my drawings of fat people be part of it. i do it for different reason - to make representative art, which bring people joy, not hurting them.

i was carry this self-fight for years. and this day, my 26 birthday, seems like perfect day to finally leave this shit in the past and move on. i mean, i realised that it's a bad thing ~5-6 years ago. but my brain didn't let go thoughts about that. i am done with this. i want to break free from this shame. i hope i can have a second chance on that...

i really hope that you guys will be able to get joy from my art after that. i got rid of this shit in my mind, i promise. just. please don't turn back from me because because of this mistake. if you can.

(pls, if you have words of support, leave a comment. idea of this post was hunting me for years, and now it finally written. it's finally out of my chest. i want to get free from this. thank you)

#sorry if the thing turned out messy #last parts are the most messy i guess #but i hope #it have. like. meaning #i want to get this skeleton out my closet #i was writing this all day #there was a moment then i thought i delited the note on the phone with this by accident in the evening #then i was almost done #and i was so furious #but no i just get it in archive or smth #anyway #i am just dumping the info now #i need to sleep #pressing “post” button and going to bed #eh #i feel so shitty #ehhhhh #but. some day i had to make this post

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

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Teen dad eddie??

Love love love love love love love love this. Not completely proofread cuz I've got a killer migraine :)

This is four times in Eddies dad-hood that I just think are staple moments.

"H-holy shit, she looks like a little alien!" Eddie gasps beside me, looking at the small child in my arms as the nurses work to clean her up carefully. I'm out of breath and my whole body hurts at this point but there's an overall sense of relief that fills the room now that she's finally out and safe.

"Eddie! She's your daughter!"

"And I'm sure I looked like an alien too." He giggles, reaching down to rest his hand on my sweaty forehead, leaning down to capture my lips in a small kiss. "She's a cute alien." He whispers and tilts his head to look at her, our baby scrunching her nose cutely.

"How you feeling momma?" The doctor asks me with a soft smile, looking between me and the baby and then to Eddie.

"Hanging in there, still can't feel half of my body so I'm feeling pretty good." I snort, taking a deep breath in and brushing my thumb over the infant's forehead.

"What are you doing to name her?" At the nurses question, I look up to Eddie for support, knowing how excited he was to have the final say between a few names. He was more than excited for our first child, though an accident, to be a girl.

Giving him a final nod, he grins proudly before turning to the nurse who holds the birth certificate in her hands.

"Beth." Looking down at her, I can see how she'd be a Beth and I can picture years down the line, a head of hair like Eddie's and gleaming, bright eyes. It's a perfect name.

"Like the Kiss song?" The nurse asks with a laugh, the other doctors and nurses sharing a similar look and a chuckle.

"That's the one."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Are you sure this is safe- what if she falls?" Eddie asks, holding Beth tightly to his chest as she stumbles on her chubby legs. We've been trying- well, I've been trying- to get her to take her few steps for a few days now but she seems to want nothing to do with walking unless her dad is there to watch her every move.

"Eddie, she has to learn how to walk. We've gotta just give her a little space and she if she does it." I smile, reaching forward to take Beth in my arms before scooting a bit away from him. He bites anxiously at his lip, watching my every move and holding back a cringed smile when I stand Beth on her feet facing him.

She wobbles a bit but eventually gains her stability, turning her head to look back at me as some curls fall into her line of sight. I just brush them away and give her a big smile, pointing past her to Eddie.

"Go to dada, okay? He's got you." I whisper, catching the soft smile that spreads across Eddie's lips. He holds his hands out to her, loving the giggle that escapes her and she takes a tentative step forward.

Eddie and I seem to hold our breath as she sets her foot down, Eddie's eyes widening as she continues to keep her balance, picking up her other foot to take another step. I cheer quietly to myself, not wanting to spook her out of her journey but to see her finally take a step, especially with the both of us here- it's huge.

By the time she gets into Eddie's arms, he's squealing, scooping her up in his strong arms and bopping her gently.

"Yay baby!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Eddie, seriously, we haven't had a proper date night together since Beth was born. She'll be more than okay- look!" I point out the car window at the porch where Wayne stands with Beth in his arms, bopping her up with a huge smile on both of their faces.

As Eddie pulls away from the trailer, I can see the anxiety on his face so I just reach over, placing my hand on his thigh with a soft smile.

"I promise you. We're gonna go out and have fun and by the time we come home, she'll be sound asleep." He nods slowly, not completely believing me but he seems to relax a bit under my touch. "Plus, I'll make it worth your while." My fingers linger a bit on his thigh and he brakes a little too violently at the red light above us before turning to look at me, suddenly breathless.

I'd be stupid to ignore the way he's been looking at me in my dress and I'd be even more stupid to ignore the fact that I've been thirsting over him since we hit the six week postpartum stage. But he's been so careful, not wanting to hurt me.

"Oh really?" He asks with a deadpanned look, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. His brown eyes flicker back and forth between mine as I smirk devilishly. "Stop looking at me like that, Beth does not need a sibling right now." I know that it's meant as a joke but his tone couldn't be further from joking. His jaw grits as his eyes return to the road, ignoring the way my dress moves against my thighs as my body turns to him.

"It wouldn't be right now, it would be in nine months, Eds." I reach over to slip my hand around his shoulders, playing with the short curls on the back of his neck. He shivers under my touch and tries to shoo me away but I hold my ground.

"Stop trying to seduce me." He laughs breathlessly, shifting in his seat as he sends me a desperate look. "It won't work, I'm stronger than that."

He was indeed not stronger than that.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Oh, are you her siblings?" The teacher looks between Eddie and I and then down to Beth who grins up at the older lady. My stomach drops at the question, not expecting the weirdest one to be the first one asked right off the bat.

After sharing an exasperated look with Eddie, I sigh. "N-No we're her parents." The woman pales and swallows violently before faking a smile and nodding her head.

"That's nice- alright, well, she'll be out at two today and we'll call you if we have any issues." She takes the intake papers from me with skeptical eyes, looking back and forth between Eddie and I as we kneel down to Beth's level.

"You behave alright baby?" I fix her hair and straighter her dress as Eddie sighs sadly next to me. This was harder on him than it was on anyone else and he's been dreading this day. But with our work schedules getting more busy with the need for more money to afford having a toddler, we had no choice but to find a good school for her to go and spend time at.

"Okay, mama." She smiles, reaching out to wrap her arms around my neck in a tight squeeze. "Watch dada." She whispers and a bright smile takes over my face and I look to Eddie who just smiles sadly. That was her thing, to tell me to 'watch' Eddie as if he needs to be watched- as if he was a kid like her.

"She'll keep an eye on me, bug. Don't you worry." Eddie quickly steals Beth away from me and scoops her up into his arms, a loud giggle leaving her. "Dada loves you." He whispers, his bittersweet gaze never leaving mine as he clings to his little girl.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane2828 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi

@crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @minjix @luvrosee

#eddie #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things fic

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broken-clover · 9 months

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Since it's the one day a year I allow myself to be unrepentantly cringe on the internet I want to do more thoughts about grumpuses with tails because I'm still thinking about it and it's fun to imagine how everyone's would be kinda different, I like how people tend to go with different animals instead of one standardized thing, it makes things more interesting!

Lizbert- Medium-length but incredibly solid and muscular, slightly flat especially by the tip. Hers is sort of like an otter's tail or slightly like a beaver's, useful both for balance and for powerful swimming

Eggabell- Short and looks even shorter due to it curling up like a shiba or a malamute's. Sometimes when the fur blurs together it almost looks like one singular cottontail puff. Her fur isn't super long but it's very dense and hardy against cold weather. Being a doctor, she's sure to groom it regularly, keeping the fur clean and keeping an eye on any wounds.

Filbo- Basically the grumpus concept of 'completely average,' medium length and decently fluffy. His fur tends to frizz either from the panicking or from his constant incidents, crashing into or getting stuck in something, but when well-maintained it's surprisingly soft and pleasant to the touch. It tends to wag a lot when he gets excited.

Wambus- Very long and solid, he's a very tall guy so he needs a big tail to help him balance. Incredibly fluffy as well, he doesn't tend to groom it incredibly often since he works in the dirt everyday so the messiness only makes it look bigger. Imagine something along the lines of a Norwegian forest cat or a Maine coon or even a particularly fluffy labrador

Triffany- Medium length with a bit of a curl. Her fur is thick and part of the reason she doesn't mind researching arid locations is that it's somewhat chinchilla-like as well, so dust helps keep her pelt clean and lessens the likelihood she'll have to worry about water since it's difficult to get out from under the undercoat, especially on the tail since it's harder to reach

Beffica- Relatively short in size but large in fluff volume since the fur is wavy akin the hair she has on her head. Probably intentionally styles it to make it look nice and fancy and worries about its appearance more than most of the other islanders.

Wiggle- Long, thin, and smooth. She's also tall so she needs a big tail to balance, but hers is a lot more sleek and shiny than Wambus,' and she probably grooms it frequently to keep her fur silky. Think your classic shorthair cat. It moves around at much as the rest of her, constantly swishing back and forth, and sometimes other grumpuses feel the instinct to swat at it like kittens do.

Gramble- Stubby little hamster tail. He's short so he doesn't need much counterbalance. His fur is pretty thin all over but he still has most of his tail fur. Sometimes his pet snaks try to grab at it or pinch it but he's gotten better at avoiding them, though he's still nursing a few past nicks

Cromdo- Short but very fluffy, it's one of his few charm points. Similar to a cottontail or most bunnies, with his usual reddish fur on the topside and paler fur on the underside. Very much dislikes being told it's cute even though it is.

Snorpy- Very long and incredibly thin, there's little more than just the bones in it. Short fur that thickens out by the end into a little fluff of curls (most depictions I've seen give Snorpy a kirin-esque tail and I simply cannot imagine him with anything else) During his paranoid episodes he tends to cling onto it and wring it between his hands, so frequently he'll have to bandage parts either for friction burns or from outright spraining it

Floofty- Originally similar to their brother's, though smaller due to them not being as tall. They took most of it off during an unexpected incident in the midst of an experiment years back and it's never quite fully recovered. What fur remains is fairly smooth, but the follicles are mostly burnt away and the tip is completely naked and scar-covered.

Chandlo- Medium-short but, similar to Lizbert, incredibly muscular and solid. If someone gets too close when he's excited it will easily knock them over. Part of his strength training involves trying to see if he can make it any more dexterous. If he has his way, one day Chandlo will he able to lift weights with both his arms and his tail. His fur is short and rather velvety to the touch.

Shelda- Long, similar to the other taller grumps. Hers is notably crooked from prior injuries and a bit of arthritis in the joints. The fur is a little patchy due to her age and tends to hold onto desert dust and the like which can make it look a scraggly. When she reorients herself and shifts her weight you can visibly see her tail move to counterbalance, whereas with most younger grumps it's far more automatic and intuitive

#I already forgot why I did this again #though it was fun to toss in a bunch of different animals for fun #bugsnax #filbo fiddlepie #I would do everyone but I am feeling lazy today #you only get filibus

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yurissweettooth · 1 year

Text

Tired of every single day seeing 29583995 posts about how you are supposed to engage in fandom and how everyone who engages differently is wrong and bad and not allowed to do this and that.

Literally do not understand why people are so pressed about what other people are doing for fun.

Do I find the way people interpret/misinterpret some characters to be annoying and baffling at times? Yes! I think everyone does. But that doesn't mean the person who is over there having a fun time not hurting anyone is at fault for it. You can block them and move on and say nothing.

This was inspired by a screenshot of someone saying something to the tune of "normalize mischaracterizing your comfort characters. I dont care whether or not they would canonically do something." And someone retweeted (to a seemingly large audience) telling them that they must not actually like the character. Which feels pretty mean-spirited to an innocuous post about how someone chooses to engage with something that comforts them.

And I honestly think the original person had a point. Normalizing it does not mean YOU have to do it or YOU have to like people's interpretations, it means that people will be allowed to engage in harmless fun without everyone getting up and arms and making assumptions about them or QRTing their post to thousands of people calling them a fake fan.

Everyone has a different idea of what fun and comfort is and for some people that's making wacky AUs or exaggerating traits and playing dollhouse and for others that meticulously researching and nailing down every canon detail in their works. Some people like tiktok and incorrect quote edits and some like meta and deepdives into and it's all okay and fine!

Someone doesn't HAVE to make an OC. If they want their quick fix of comfort and catharsis by just tacking traits on to a pre-made character that they don't have to expend extra energy on then who cares?

Also lots of neurodivergent people (like myself) and kids get caught in the crossfire as well, but really I think EVERYONE should have the right to do what they want. This feels like another extension if cringe culture which should be dead an buried by now.

And I say all this as a person who PREFERS to engage in fandom in a canon-compliant, lore-friendly way and yet has also been the victim of this.

I have had bad/mean fandom experiences over presenting evidenced, well-sourced, and canon compliant material that just happens to contradict popular fanon. I have also received backlash for putting a character through 10+ years of canon-compliant, well researched, and carefully constructed character development which led them to do things differently in the future than they did in canon.

But I don't always feel like giving a 20+ paragraph disclaimer on every single doodle, edit, or short fic to prove to you exactly how they got here and why it's canon compliant (although I unfortunately DO tend to do this to avoid repeats of past hate :/) because it really shouldn't matter. Blocking me outright or blocking my tags should suffice.

I will never understand this mentality of "Only I do things correctly, everyone else is wrong and bad and ruining everything and I have to shame people doing harmless things so everyone sees how right I am" and I feel like I've been seeing it more and more every day lately and it's frustrating. This is a big part of why I left twitter but it's getting popular here too now.

This is honestly a big part of why I don't post the majority of my fanart and fics anymore. I no longer post meta or silly edits, I no longer reach out to people to discuss ideas, I rarely share my thoughts on any characters publicly, etc.

I live a very stressful life and I engage in fandom to relax and have fun but that has been very difficult for me due to people who always feel the need to be hateful over innocuous things. I feel more and more like I need to walk on eggshells so I do not accidentally incite another ✨️incident✨️ because I dared to post a silly headcanon or edit. And that sort of hate and "umm, actually..." response STILL happens to me, even in recent days because god forbid I post an AU I enjoyed and wished to share with people who might also enjoy it!! It's so frustrating.

And this, of course, is NOT referring to people who try to force/shame others into their interpretations (regardless of if they are compliant or not). This is also NOT about bigoted material. Turning characters into harmful stereotypes (making a black woman who is not sassy sassy, for example), using them to spread hateful messages, and erasing their identities/whitewashed their designs. That is a separate issue. But someone making a character you like say something they wouldn't say in canon? Making them act a little silly? Ignoring parts of canon to make an idea they have work? It's not hurting anyone!!!

#jun rambles #fandom critical #rant #i do not normally post personal stuff but ive seen like 6 posts today on the back of me getting a dumb anon #on my side blog AGAIN and I am just... tired..

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mementoasts · 2 months

Note

PLEASE do write me some thoughts about suprisingly caring (original?) loser uncle elias

ohhhhhh oh i'm excited to finally write this all out in one spot. also a bit embarassed because i'm cringe and pulled all of this outta my ass xD

i didn't mean to write so much but it became kind of A Lot. i even decided halfway through that i needed to use proper capitalization because i can't look at so many bullet points in lowercase fdhsfkjdkh PLEASE bear with me:

First off, yes! It's just original Elias. I desperately need to see Jonah again, but for as far as I've thought about this, Elias isn't involved in any spooky situations here. No eyes getting gouged out, no Magnus Institute, no dead college roommate. (I could get extra silly and say they're happily married xD)

I do think he's still a bit haunted by his father, in the sort of way that it's impossible to shake off the damage done by a parent entirely, even when they died half a lifetime ago and you're already in your mid-to-late-50s.

But for the most part, he's kinda moved past it. He got over his "I'm a Bouchard, I'm destined to be More" phase somewhere in his 30s, and has learned to find meaning in little things and be content with where he is in life. (I'm also running with the idea that this probably meant he never got a letter from the Institute, so he spent a few years miserably trying to figure out why nothing seemed good enough for him before forcing himself to get over it).

Doesn't really have any contact with most of his relatives, but it's nothing that bothers him at this point.

Him being Gwen's uncle would obviously mean one of Gwen's parents is his sibling, which I think is reasonably possible. (I'd assume it's not her mother, because Gwen's last name is also Bouchard). I could see him having an overachiever younger brother that made him look even worse by comparison.

Elias' father had probably basically disowned him by the time he died, so Elias wasn't left with as much.

Probably met Gwen at some family function when she was still very young, before he committed to distancing himself from the rest of his family. He still showed up, but no one really had any reason to talk to the guy whose father would openly go ON about his son being such a disappointment. And Elias certainly didn't feel like striking up a conversation with most of the people there unless he had to.

Gwen is just as quiet and polite as everyone else there, but she's still just a kid. Elias sees her getting a slap on the wrist after reaching for a second mini-dessert to go with the rest of her tea, so he wraps one in a napkin and gives it to her later while her parents aren't looking.

He's just tired and lost at this point, and it's more of a chore than ever keeping up appearances; so when Gwen looks up at him with big, happy eyes and a soft "thank you," well-- he feels like he can relax his shoulders a bit, and finds himself smiling down at her.

For a while, that's Gwen's nice uncle who she likes seeing at gatherings :] But she quickly starts to settle into a more serious demeanor as she gets older, and at the same time, Elias doesn't really show up to anything anymore.

Something something something, she's probably in her teens/early adulthood maybe when she actually bumps into him again somewhere. She's overheard plenty of negative things about him over the years from her father, but,,,,,, well, she's still got a soft spot for the guy, even if she maybe agrees that Elias could be doing more for himself. And when he smiles at her, it's not as restrained as the one she remembers from when she was a kid.

He's certainly a bit of a goofball now. Nearly two decades of unlearning toxic mentalities and finding something to be passionate about in life kinda does that to some people. He's actually kind of annoying, but she tolerates it because that's just her Uncle Elias :/

I think he'd be mostly chill, but pretty upbeat. Has a habit of yapping. Maybe a little sassy? I kinda feel like the way he speaks would be similar to how he sounded when it was Jonah, but more lighthearted/informal.

Gwen doesn't give him many details about work and such, but it quickly becomes apparent to him that she's definitely not happy with where she is, despite how much she'll calmly insists she likes her job.

He's under the impression she's only sticking around at that job because she's sunk several years into it already, and it'd look good to her family if she could eventually move up into an actual respectable position. (Although I'm personally assuming that her motivations are separate from any of that specifically, but who knows!)

Elias trusts she knows what she's doing, but maybe he's a bit worried because he's seeing himself in her, a little bit. He doesn't want her to do anything rash (y'know. like blackmailing her boss for a promotion. or something.) the longer she's stuck at the bottom without a way of climbing higher.

At this point I feel like all of this is too good for him. He needs to be put into a Situation. But I also really enjoy a character who's already been through the horrors of being in their 20s/30s and has actually managed to find a way to be okay with life 😭 If this were an actual workplace comedy, he'd just pop in from time to time to be silly and irritate Gwen a bit. He's probably get along with Alice.

okay other random details. He doesn't smoke weed or anything as much as he used to, but still does occasionally just for funsies. He's recently gotten into vaping.

Jonah Magnus wears fancy three-piece suits ONLY, you CANNOT change my mind. Elias would dress far more casually, however :3 Maybe not so far as a hoodie and sweatpants (at least not when he goes out), but more like a nice, comfy sweater and an old coat and pants that don't really match anything but he still looks mostly alright. I think it'd be funny if he wore, like, Crocs, though. Never really styles his hair.

#my god this is SO much i am SO sorry fhfdkjfhskjfhs #i rly took what VERY LITTLE we know abt og!elias and said “ok now how do i turn him into a cool uncle”#tmagp spoilers #(because of one little thing i mentioned in there dhkjsdhfsjgh)#i need him to NEVER get mentioned so i can hold onto all of this LMAO #the void has no tag for asks #klm-zoflorr

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lost-technology · 7 days

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Issues of Fandom Past

I am sorry if I am feeling a little jumpy about blocks lately. (Turns out I solved the mystery as to why so many of my blogs are blanked out on some reblogs / replies from a mutual I've seen - the ops aren't doing it, it's because the moot apparently has a privacy setup for only moot reblogs / replies and I just realized it! Tumblr mechanics stuff. I swear, I've been on this site for years and learn something new every day. It's like playing Skyrim...) I think it's because I did run into, a couple of days ago, someone who didn't have my main blocked (didn't know about it) but had this blog / the Trigun blog blocked and I know why. I saw an old name from SPOOOOOOKY fandom-past come up on Ao3 and was all "Oh, I know that name!" and looked at their profile and saw their listed tumblr profile name, which I recognised when I tried to reblog something insightful I saw them say in terms of a '98 episode-review without commentary. And, nope, they had me blocked. I thought they would have forgotten about me or just not know me anymore / not find or care about the new username. Oh, well.

We had beef, like, 20 years ago. Over 20 years ago. This was someone who was part of a friend group in the old fandom I had a lot of fighting with and, ultimately, I came away with it feeling that I was the one who was mostly if not wholly in the wrong. My fighting started with the friend group when a then-friend of mine would antagonise people and then act like the bullied victim when they responded and would then rely on me as a "good friend" and a more aggressive person to fight their battles for them. Well, that's how it started and not where it ended. I got into it on my own with this set of friends and did my own wankery. I got into it with even more people because I used to have what I'll just lay out as "church-views" and hadn't yet accepted / contended with / or even knew it was a term - my own asexuality with mild sex-repulsion and got really pissy about people's ships and kinks in fandom and harped about the "immorality" of putting non-canon kinks into mah fandom! Yes, I was one of THOSE. But we all get older and hopefully wiser. Cringe dies (or gives way to new and hopefully more benign forms of cringe), but is forever remembered. I do remember, at some point, emailing a letter of apology to one of the friends in this friend-group addressing all and it being taken with gratitude, but I still hadn't examined everything that I needed to deal with at the time. I moved on since then, but I guess this is why my guts clenched when I saw one of the folks I used to know popping up again out of the Internet woodwork over on ol' Ao3 with updated fic-sets and on tumblr. I found out about the block when I was testing the waters on a comment-less reblog, in hopes I was forgotten, maybe, that my new username was unknown, or that we'd reached, after all this time, a level of truce. I don't want to try to be friends, but I think it would be nice if people in the old guard fandom could just pass each other in the hall, wave to each other and move on. Enjoy each others' art and insights, even. I see some people pop up from the old guard fandom. I haven't seen any of my old friends so far and have seen people I do not know who were apparently in other parts of the Internet in OG Trigun fandom who talk about it... but there are a few people who I see a name I recognize and gut-clench. No desire to fight because I'm like "Yeah, I was wrong, you were right, I've moved on," but get that clench because I am filled with shame over it all and am reminded of it. And then there's the matter of people whom I'd probably had problems with probably do have new usernames / different usernames on here and it's almost like? I'd like a list? So that maybe we can preemptively block each other so we don't accidentally share from each other and recoil from it if one or more of us aren't ready to clean-slate each other? I'd like to be clean-slated, but that is only something that guilty people want.

#personal #fandom issues

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semi-sketchy · 2 months

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Have you seen the PAW Patrol movies? If you haven't, I think that you'd like them (since you like backstories).

Yes indeed! I have seen both.

I already spoke about them on my DA, here and here, but I'll copy-paste it in this post for convenience. Maybe in the future when I see the films again I'll write more about them, especially seeing as I mostly talked about my OCs in relation to the first movie rather than the movie itself.

---------------

Spoilers for the entire [first] movie ahead! If you have not seen it/wanna go in blind, DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT

The movie was amazing, I've already seen it 3 times. A nice climax and honestly Humdinger being so cringe almost works in the favor of the film. He's essentially a diet Trump, because racism in a kids movie is a no-no. The hat jokes though? Mm, could've done without, they weren't really funny. What was funny was the elevator shaft scene. From Ryder using Humdinger as a ladder, completely disregarding all elevator safety mechanisms to drop the shaft as fast as possible, to the cats when they reached the bottom. Absolutely amazing facial expression.

I'll admit, I've been thinking about how my OCs would've been in the movie for days now, so I'll just stick all that here. Nami would be so good in that environment. She was a street kid and grew up in a small city, so this type of place would be like second nature to her, hence one reason I think her and Liberty would go together like peas and carrots. The two would be an unstoppable amount of sass and thrills, no one could keep up. Their banter would be classic. With the missions, her quick movements but impulsive nature would really help in the rescues. At the end with that giant storm, you bet she would've immediately taken charge. I can see her using her hydraulic arm to move debris and push open doors, and her hook shots to keep from getting blown away or swing around to grab someone. At the end where Humdinger is running, you bet she would be chasing him. Don't doubt corgis, they're fast. She would totally catch up.

Tara would probably do okay in the city, her specialty wouldn't really be catered to, but neither was Zuma's and he was still useful. She might help Marshall put out the fires and use her grappling hook to grab things in the storm. I mostly see her using her large build to their advantage, for instance holding the doors closed in the wind. She'd probably like Liberty alright, but no one can replace Byte as her closest friend.

Byte...would have issues. He's claustrophobic and I imagine sometimes it would get to be a little much for him. He'd be able to stop, take a breath and work through it, but you can bet he would not sleep in one of those hexagonal cubbies like the other pups. He'd take the floor, thank you very much. He'd be worried about Chase though. I already knew the two were good friends, but the movie really cemented it for me. They share a very similar pain; both being left behind and alone. He'd be trying his best to look out for him, I can only imagine Byte hearing his angsty scream and seeing the jump just to go "oh no". Also, the wind? He'd be an absolute puff ball by the end. Boy might need the knots shaved out. With the trauma though, Byte is more in control of his emotions. He's usually the calmer, voice of reason. His heart aches for Chase, knowing exactly how that feels, but ultimately you can't help someone who doesn't want it. If they're not ready to get better or admit there is a problem, you can't do anything.

---------------

Well, I finally saw The Mighty Movie.

Despite my disinterest in Mighty Pups as a whole, this movie was another surprisingly good one. We got Skye's origin story and the powers were handled shockingly well. They reworked a lot of them, so like Zuma can turn INTO water now (I might've squealed seeing him pop up out of the sink) and Rocky can basically become a magnet, which is just so much more useful. (Also they 100% gave the villain Byte's super powers lol)

That's another thing: it balances the use of the pups better than the first movie. Like everyone actually HAS something to do. Will say, the Junior Patrollers were hyped so much in marketing, I thought they'd be super annoying, but they're not actually in the movie that much. Again, a good balance.

Gonna go into some general spoilers now.

Complaint: yeah Ryder is...mm. Kinda a dick. Everyone grieving their headquarters being destroyed, losing all their vehicles and tools, when Ryder just HAD new ones sitting on the Sea Patroller (oh yeah that shows up). "We have to end this program where kids hang out at our place because it's become too dangerous" buddy. Please tell me how them staying with Liberty while y'all run out on missions puts them in danger. Explain. "Oh you can't go on a mission without super powers" bro did you forget what you were doing last week?

He acts like Skye is totally useless after she loses her crystal and like...her tools have been destroyed, but she can still fly her vehicle. So she can't fly on her own anymore, but if it's that huge of a deal, maybe just borrow Liberty's crystal since you don't even know what her power is? Oh yeah they also spend half the movie being like "what's Liberty do" and...I love my girl but that's a mood.

And, this is a general bother, but like cockapoos are not teeny tiny dogs. They act like Skye is smaller than Liberty and...honey dachshunds aren't even a foot tall. The only way she could be the same size as Liberty is if she was a teacup cockapoo. Not a big deal, I suppose, just I always assumed she was a standard, or at least a mini because it's not like the rest of the members are THAT much bigger.

The overall storyline is about how Skye feels like she needs to compensate for her size and the super powers make her feel like the strong one for the first time in her life. Ryder just telling her she can't help get her crystal back because she doesn't have powers completely cements this need to prove herself because Ryder doesn't even believe her capable without powers. (seriously. Ryder why were you mean. Why did you cause the plot of the movie.) Although, I do have to say it was cute how they decided to make Chase the one that offers her some comfort and sees if she's okay.

Plus, Skye got her really big moment to prove herself. It wasn't ever that she doubted her ability, it's that she didn't think anyone else saw it. She's a bit of a daredevil and I think they handled her need to be validated well.

The movie was enjoyable! There were good stakes and while Skye messed up, you can completely understand why she did it (because Ryder was being a total ass). I like what they're doing with expanding the backstories of these pups individually. If they make another movie, I'd be interested to see what deep-seated trauma they give the next pup.

#ask #paw patrol

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rosebury-archives · 5 months

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CalmWriMo 2023 Wrap Up!

It is done! It has been done for like four days! IT IS DONE!

I have taken part in @winterandwords' CalmWriMo, here's my goals and how I did!

At the start of November, I sat on 81450 Words for my project To Put On An Act. My current word count is 111793 Words!!!!! WHAAAAT!!!!!! It's safe to say that I reached my writing goal! But what else did I do?

Get to Chapter 16 OR write 30k words - safe to say that I reached both of these goals! I'm currently working on Chapter 18, and I've written 30343 words. Yippie!

Plan later chapters post breakup - eh. I collected some ideas and have a rough plan but there's still some proper outlining missing. I do have a little bit of a better picture now though!

Post progess more frequently - This worked semi well? I would've loved to post more logs to be honest but. Oh well. I did post a couple logs though, and I want to try to make this a habit, maybe to at least yell on here once a week (if I do happen to write that week of course).

Make some Moodboards - I did that! I've not posted them here yet but I did make some little moodboards for a bunch of the characters :)

Make an intro post for this account - did that as well! Yippiee!

Plan for another mysterious project - heheheheheheeheheheh >;)

Now the other, just as important part of CalmWriMo, the Calm. I was not as calm as I should've been. Let's see. What's the goals.

Get more sleep - ahahah. uuh. ahhahehheah. hm. well. let's move on.

Be less anxious/worried about What The World Thinks Of Me - hm. Well. Well? I mean I guess. I think it's fine. I still think every single person in the world is better than me but it's okayyyy I'm alive what more do I want.

KILLING THE CRINGE - happy to report that the cringe dies again every day

Read More - OOOOHHHH LOOK SOMETHING I DID!!! Listened to my audiobook in the beginning of November, however, I did not finish it. Oh well! Instead I did some reading of fellow writers on Wattpad. Some of these really are the most written stories of all time, but there are some real gems hidden in there that I can learn from. Also great for networking [wink]

Less Stress about posting - no stress at all I Am So Calm. I actually caught up to my posting schedule! I took it slow and posted every two weeks to give myself some time, and now I can go back to my regular weekly schedule! I think it's fine. i think I'm fine. I can post when I want and do what I want.

ALL IN ALL! THIS WAS GREAT!!! THIS WAS GENUINELY SO GREAT!!!! I'm really proud of myself and what I did this past month, I got a lot done, I feel motivated, I feel excited! I can't believe I've already hit over 100k words, and at this point I have no idea when this will end, but I'm just really excited to see what the future will hold for TPOAA.

Having a goal for the month really did help me to get a gentle kick in the ass and to sit down and write. I was writing an average of 2k words a day and I hope to kind of keep that even if I don't have a goal set for the month.

If it wasn't for my incredibly draining job, I probably would've been able to hit an even higher word goal, but I genuinely think this was the best I could do and I'm so genuinely proud of myself. Maybe next year I'll aim even higher? Who knows!

Great job to everyone else who took part in CalmWriMo/NaNoWriMo, no matter if you hit your goal, you did great and I'm so proud of you and I kiss you btw. Also thank you winter tumblr dot com for coming up with this idea and making my first steps into the world of November writing challenges a little easier!

remember that Alex and Youngbin love u all <3

#nanowrimo 2023 #nanowrimo #calmwrimo 2023 #calmwrimo #writeblr

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sixthoctavarium · 1 year

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It's Been A Good Run

This is a decision I've mulled for a long time, and after some thought, I've made a final decision.

As of this moment, I consider myself retired from fic writing. Unless something drastically changes, I am through writing fanfiction. This was something I was hesitant to post, particularly because I knew it would disappoint people, but I figure it's better than never saying anything and leaving everyone hanging.

Unfortunately, this means that the Sword Saint Chronicles is now dead. I did not intend for this, particularly because I'm always one who believes in finishing what I started, but at this point, barring any drastic change, the series will not be completed.

To explain my decision, let me give a little background on my adventures in fic writing and about me.

You see, prior to writing fanfiction, I had a lot of things going on in my life. I spent time with friends, I played the Final Fantasy Trading Card Game, I played a lot of video games and pinball, and I attended a lot of conventions. I had plenty going on. In early 2020, I discovered Hamefura by chance while browsing TVTropes, and seeing that, the premise interested me. I then read some manga scanlations and was even more hooked. Then I found out an anime was coming and got excited. Now when this originally happened, I didn't think I'd get too much into the fandom. But then COVID happened, and suddenly I was working from home, and most of my pastimes were now a no-go due to things being on lockdown. Because of that, and because of the stress of this sudden change, as well as (unfounded) concerns about my job, I began to immerse myself into Hamefura. It was a major reason I got through the pandemic sane, and seeing new episodes on Saturdays was a highlight of the week for me.

Then one day, I began thinking of potential fanfics to write. Now that I suddenly had time, I decided to jump in and write. I started off with That Night In A Safe Haven, which turned out well. Afterwards I then did Six Interesting But Ordinary Weeks, which people seemed to like but now I can't stand. I read that and cringe. But I kept it up because it's a reminder of how much I improved.

Then I came up with the idea for Fight Like A Lady, which I consider to be my first true "hit" fic. And then things went from there and I kept writing. I had the time, and I had ideas, and also a sounding board in the r/otomegame Discord, so I kept writing.

I've gone places I never imagined with my writing. I saw fics which got their own entry on TVTropes, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think something I wrote would make it. Then I wrote Catarina Claes MUST DIE, and at the conclusion, someone found it worthy enough of warranting a TVTropes page. I was honored. And moved. I actually got emotional from it. I told my best friend that I think I now know what it feels like when a baseball player gets the call that they've been elected to the Hall of Fame.

And so I continued to write, and things went on. But then the pandemic lockdown began to let up, and I slowly began to do more of what I'd used to do. In July of last year, I went back into the office and began working from there instead of my home. And then this past winter and spring, I worked a ton of overtime. Suddenly, the time I had to write was shrinking, and unlike when I first began, I started to be somewhat annoyed at writing because it was taking time away from my preferred pastimes. But I still had ideas and wanted to write them.

Eventually, I began my most recent (and as of now my last) fic, My Next Life As A Planeswalker: All Routes Lead To The Multiverse. And I found while writing it that my interest in the Hamefura fandom was not what it once was. I went through and finished the story, but at the end of it, I knew I needed a break. Unfortunately, that break will be permanent now. Simply put, I've got a lot of other things I want to do, and with work, my interests, and the like, I just don't have the time to really dedicate myself to fic writing.

If you're disappointed, I understand. I totally get it. But I wanted to be upfront and let everyone know what I've decided. If things change, or I get the itch to write again, I might jump back into it. But as of now, I don't think I'll ever get back into it.

I want to thank everyone that's read my stories, left kudos on AO3, and commented on them. Your comments, praise, and criticism were what fueled me, and I can't thank you enough for them. Its your noticing my stories that made this such a rewarding experience.

Thanks for taking the time to read this as well. I'm glad to have gone through this and learned things about myself, but I feel it's time to move on, and again, I'd rather let you all know what's happening.

Until next time.

#ao3 #fanfic #fic writing #destruction flag otome #my next life as a villainess #hamefura #retirement #thank you #sixthoctavarium #it was an honor #i'm touched #bakarina

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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Uncle Nina! Any New Year’s resolution?

finish...any of the wip fanfictions i posted? write anything?

Suck Less?

But NO!!!! ACTUALLY!!!! NOT!!!! THAT!!!!

like...literally No, because in all honesty, that is the exact negative energy that i am NOT trying to replicate or take into the new year!

which has ushered in a lot of huge change for me! i actually just spent the past two days packing up everything i own/very suddenly had to move out of my apartment because i got a crazy new job that required my relocation out of the little college town i lived in for the past couple of years and back to the very big city i grew up in. which! whew!~ i am writing from you fresh out of a TWELEVE HOUR CAR RIDE WITH ALL OF MY APARTMENT IN IT, absolutely exhausted.

which is a lot!!! and starting over/fresh is not an easy thing to do!!

that brings me 2 my Actual new year's resolution: To Be Kind To ME.

on a personal level, i really want to start being kind to myself, not be as hard on myself and just repair the relationship that i have with myself and stop second guessing/hating everything that i do.

and i think that a big piece of that is healing the now frighteningly unhealthy relationship i have with writing which i love more than anything, but i developed a very toxic, unhealthy relationship with.

( okay, i wrote a LOT! under the cut about how i'm doing and how i feel about writing rn and basically how i've felt since i started recieving attention for pep/writing stuff --you do not have to read that! but if you enjoy my brain or are curious about why i've been deleting stuff, not updating or generally acting strangely, i tried to explain myself candidly & be open w/ y'all about when i am sad.

also, i love you all v much. you mean the world to be. ilysm. c': )

as a quick little lore/refresher on uncle nina 101, before i was uncle nina, i was just a person that made an ao3 account for fun knowing nothing abt it bc i wanted to share the silly thing i wrote w/ people. and people were so nice about it and it was so validating and freeing!

and you all wrote to me and were waiting for my fanfic(s) which is so fucking awesome like...i have never felt so loved, truly, but also...it made me really, really hard on myself? because i started obsessing over everything i posted and criticizing it and freaking out and then writing just kind of became this thing that i hurt my feelings with or punished myself about which is why i stopped updating For Now.

i just feel like...until i can start writing and having it be fun and being happy again, updating my fanfics is a bad idea because of how much i tear myself up about every single thing i write/my perception.

bc really what it comes down to i think, is me being worried about how i think you guys are enjoying what i am doing and bc of that, writing stopped being my hobby and started being like okay i posted this thing that i like a lot...but what if its bad, or everyone hates it? what it its not what people want from me?

or like specifically being worried about the Likes i get on posts and things? the amount of comments? like i really fuck myself up over stuff like that...like if i feel like something isnt getting perceived well

( WHICH IT IS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK )

but my very bad brain is like yikes! that's embarrassing! delete that, dumbass! everyone hated that! that sucked! to the point where you guys are asking for my updates BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM and im scared to post them bc i dont think you like them, or like i answer asks THAT YOU ALL ASK ME FOR BECAUSE YOU WANT MY ANSWERS and then i post them and am like oof! weird answer! cringe! very bad! deleted! gone! like my tweets??? if you get notifs for tweets and they dissapear THE VIEWS ON THEM SCARE ME

and im sitting there refreshing them??? adding to the view count like oh my god everyone hated that everyone hates me im deleting that

LIKE?????? DUDE????? MY TWITTER AND MY THOUGHTS THAT YOU GUYS FOLLOW!!! AND IM DELETING THEM??? FROM STRESS??? LIKE DO YOU KNOW HOW WHACK THAT IS??? LIKE NINA??? GIRL???? MENTAL ILLNESS! even my pinterest like....oh my god everytime i PIN something ( and i love the pinterest ) i'm like WOW THAT PIN IS TOO WEIRD! COOL! ITS GONE NOW! <3

like it specifically has to do with my writing being embarassing too like my fucking fanfics...like i wrote them bc i love them and i cant even REREAD THEM :((( things you guys reread all the time and ask me so many questions about AND I LITERALLY CONVINCED MYSELF I HATE THEM TO THE POINT I CANNOT OPEN THEM ://

which UrGH! and my favorite thing ever is you guys sending me anons and stuff like it is my FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD and i have 62 asks ( which oh my god keep sending them i love u ) but i get them and im like oh god i have so many what do i do and then when i dont get asks im like OH MY GOD EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD HATES MY FANFICS AND NO ONE CARES ABT THEM ANYMORE BC I AM TAKING TOO LONG OR BEING TOO WEIRD WHICH

girl!!!! GIRL!!!!!!!!! RELAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!!!! JUST CHILL OUT!!!

the asks also take longer bc i really, really care about giving them the responses they deserve like you take the time to care and ask so if you send in "uncle nina, what's stan's favorite color?" i could just say Green! <3 but like??? its so much more than that its "its green! but specifically the shade of green that kyles eyes are!!! which did not occur to stan!!! he just thought green was the most beautiful color in the world because it made him feel happy everytime he saw it but it wasnt bc he liked green it was because kyle IS green!!!" etc.

and then i take all the time to do that and i'm like wow? what if no one likes that take ( WHICH DAWG WHAT THE FUCKING SDHLKS YOU ALL ASKED ME FOR MY TAKE LIKE ARE YOU INSANE??? YES!!!! ) and then i PRIVATE IT????? LIKE????? you all waited for that ask and its just gone??? im.....

sigh.

so basically, i'm trying to learn how to just be happy and chill when i write again and not fucking gut myself or worry about what anyone else thinks about what i write? and that i just post stuff that I CARE about and I LIKE and just be like...okay. there is my post. i wrote it. i wrote it with love. i wrote it and i am proud of it. just because i think its not getting likes or its bad or people don't like it...does not mean that i should destroy my entire self worth or base the entiriety of it on how im being perceived FOR MY HOBBY??? A /FUN/ ACTIVITY????

which is fun and wondeful BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU. i cannot tell you how much it means to me that you all care enough about the silly stuff i write to send me questions about it and want to know stuff!! i literally love you thank you for being so so wonderful to me!!!

and thats the thing? is that i am only like this to myself. i would never EVER treat ANY OF YOU the way i treat myself. Ever. i would never ever ever treat any of you like that because that is so evil and vicious and cruel. i try to lift you all up to the sun and send you any good energy i have and i just...do not do that to myself.

so, going forward, i want to try and figure out how to do that.

it's a little...weird. but i am going through a lot of therapy for it ( like lots of stuff, i'm a mess ) specifically for how much stress i give myself over about being liked or doing "Well" or...idk. writing well.

as a writer girl, my hope specifically is that i can write pep again because dude i miss my boys!!! and it sucks that i stressed myself out so bad that i had to literally abandon it. and that i started writing rm to get better AND THEN GOT WORSE AGAIN AND DELETED IT LIKE WHAT TRHE FUCK???? speaking of rm...i want to put 6 back up. i want to write that FUCKING fanfiction i wrote because i love it. that freaking Hate Date that i got excited about publishing and then like absolutely gutted myself over like...i swear. when i am healthy again...i want to start writing my stuff for fun and putting it back up bc ugh

like Last Panic Attack i got sooooo freaked out that i almost put pep and rm in fic jail? like i almost privated them out of IMAGINARY STRESS I CREATED FOR MYSELF??? or even just like the fucking nsfw headcannons that every person on planet earth was nice to me about and i like have more asks about I LITERALLY MADE MYSELF SO ILL OVER POSTING THAT LIKE OH MY GOD BROTHER WHY WAS I DOING THAT OVER A POST YOU GUYS ASKED ME FOR LIKE YALL LITERALLY ASK ME FOR MY OPINION AND I GIVE IT TO YOUR VERY THOUGHTFULLY AND THEN I AM LIKE OKAY, ACTUALLY NO ONE ASKED FOR THAT AND NOW ITS GONE!!!

very vicious cycle. want to stop doing that. my asks are so fun i answer them for fun and i just...yeah. very whack of me to do that.

but still on the topic of writing, i am sort of troubleshooting that little tsot thing which you guys were so cute abt thank you!!! so many people in my ask were like NINANINAINANA POST THE THING and then i did and now i'm like wait, i'm worried about it. WHICH!!! NO!! WERE NOT DOING THAT, GUYS!!!!! I'M GONNA BE NICE TO ME!!!

which...i know that writing all of this seems kind of unhinged, but i really want you guys to see that its okay to write things that people think are very polished and be an unpolished person. if you are scared to fall, i am falling in public for you. i want you to know that it is okay to be messy and to be scared and confused and upset. but that its not something you should punish yourself for.

i'm posting this mostly to hold myself accountable so i can stop being like this and start enjoying myself on here again.

so ya know...if you see me posting snippets or writing or posting my asks..please know i am trying very hard to be proud of them and not delete them. i am thinking of just answering my asks with my heart and starting small with little one shots or things that arent updating my actual fanfics ( thats why i started the little tsot thingy also bc i thought it was cool...WHICH IT IS!!! NINA!!! BE NICE BE NICE SHH! ) and hopefully i will slowly but surely...be healthy enough to go back.

i will update you! which...again. i am self concious about everything i do so everytime i answer an ask or post anything i'm like shut up, who cares, nina? but like, i'm trying not to be like that and to post things regardless of who sees them or when or who cares or who likes them and just...do stuff for me.

which is me...doing stuff for you. but not bc i think i should.

because i want to. because its fun. because its my passion.

tldr: thank you all for being my little online support system, especially during this really stressful time for me in my real and online life. thank you for sending asks and comments and caring. it really validates me hearing from you guys because i really do make myself sick and drive myself crazy worrying about imaginary stuff. it becomes very real and relaxing when you guys reassure me. but again...trying not to rely on that....trying to...feel confident....in my abilities this year.

Wish Me Luck!

-uncle nina, former self hater and stressor, hopeful future promoter of peace and love and kindness and writing as an act of self love and not an act of self harm ( please be nice to yourself for me! )

P.S. whoever asked me this really helped put everything in perspective for me and be honest with you guys, so thank you sm!!

i am trying to love myself for the parts people don't clap for. <3

#whoever sent this...seriously ur an angel #it really means a lot to me that you guys care #like maybe it was just a courtesy question #but also people send asks bc they want to know stuff #and would not do that just as a chore so its like #im trying to teach myself that this is not like a job #its not something that is like life or death #or something to crucify myself over this is something i do bc i like it and u guys like it and not as a form of self harm #but yeah working on a positive relationship with writing #and myself as a human being #and not beating myself up for not living up to what weird expectations yall LITERALLY DONT HAVE OF ME #im working on it i will update u #im going back to doing backflips in my ask box #and IM NOT GOING TO DELETE THEM I M PROUD OF THEM I LIKE THEM I LIKE MYSELF YOU ALL LIKE THEM U ASKED ME FOR THEM #self...love u guys...whew

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captainseamech · 1 year

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//I mentioned a few days ago that I had some things going through my mind and that I was building up courage to tell you guys that and... I think this is finally the appropriate time for such. It's nothing against anyone here, I promise you that. It's more about myself, really.

This post is written with small text font to make it faster to read (since I typed a lot), but if you want me to leave it all on a regular font feel free to tell me so and I'll fix it. And if there's any misspelling or grammatical error bear with me since I do be a bit sick still and... I might fix later (if I remember to do it) so my English might be worse than ever in this post. I'm sorry in advance.

.... for the past couple days since New Years hit us in the face I've seen my mutuals just... moving blogs and all that to start fresh aside from ships, relationships and the like and honestly, that kind of motivated me to do such since I'm... frankly unhappy with how this blog is looking recently, but I'm also in quite a big dilemma since I hate making choices and I wanted to be more open with you guys for a moment. Again, I've been thinking deeply on whether making this post or not but I think it will be worth it in the end (or I just wasted some of my time typing, who knows.)

On one hand it'd make me feel better and refreshed to move from here, starting with a theme, carrd and all that fancy stuff; especially with a better organization of my tags from the beginning since I feel my tags are... all over the place as of currently in comparison to my other blogs; as well as I'd have a way better sense of making my verses since I just... well, kind of hoarded lots of them with some that I barely dont use (if not straight up abandoned behind one starter call and/or headcanon post since I made them specific to one 'dead' fandom or whatnot). And also that I, somehow, get some quite mean/meaningful intended anons here for things that I did or not so hopefully moving places would make them disappear or even just appease them.

But on the other hand... this blog of mine has so much memories!! This is my oldest blog (November 2017!!) on this website, old peeps that were mutuals with me that still lurks in my followers list because the good times!! I had with them in the past!! before my hiatus are just!!!! And like, recently a few old mutuals of mine have been coming back to this site on a way or another with their older tumblr blog, or even just!! Keeping them there!! For the memories!! I put so much hard work on this blog and my writing over the years, especially with Cat (@/faultfindingfirebot) being such an old mutual of mine and developing our characters together!! All the memories with that ship is just!! Lurking here!! Everything is here!! With a simple mouse scroll through their blog tag!!

I know that moving blogs doesn't necessarily mean having to delete this blog, but still!! All the memories (even the cringe ones) are here and I just!! Don't want to lose this treasure y'know? I started on tumblr with this blog and I hoped to die on this hill still here! Maybe I'm just unnecessarily being emotional over this clusterfuck of a messy blog, but still! There's development from both me and the way I write my character with so much joy and not carrying much about fancyness! But apparently fancyness has become a major point in every rpc, to the point of really making me feel legitimately scared and/or hesitant to approach because some writers really despise mobile writers somehow... and it doesn't do wonders to my anxiety honestly.

So... Again, it might sound stupid of me to be emotional over this blog instead of quickly moving on like normal people should but as I mentioned repeatedly before... The memories that lures around this blog are one of the most important things that I could've asked for and this is why I'm opening up to you guys because I want to establish more communication with my mutuals publicly since I always sucked at keeping a stable conversation with each and everyone.

I reckon it might sound straight up weird for me to feel attached and just not do it like a normal person would and move blogs already without letting one's mind out but... I really, really cant help it at all. And I just couldn't stop it from happening too, even though I tried my best to avoid it. But scrolling back on this blog sometimes to see all the good and bad things me and High Tide has gotten through is just... developmentally nostalgic in a way, and sometimes I like to relive the old times no matter how cringe it seemed with both new and old time mutuals.

TL;DR: Should I just stop whining around and move on to try new experiences or stay here where I always belonged?

#🛳 | outside the ship / ooc #📱 | stuck in my datapad / mobile posting #long post tw #tw long post #[ it's under read more but still snbdndkf ]#[ and also I tried to not make this reading boring my yeeting icons here and there... hope it worked ]

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