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jayflrt · 13 hours

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𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 36. provisional fight club

"LET'S LAY DOWN SOME GROUND RULES FIRST," Choi Yeonjun declared as he rolled his neck to get a few cricks out. "No biting, no chickening out, no kicking a man while he's already down—unless that man is Heeseung—"

Heeseung's face screwed up. "What the fuck?"

"—and no one breathes a word of this to anyone else."

Sunghoon, who had looked disgruntled from the moment he stepped foot inside the boxing gym, let out a huff. "Wasn't planning on it."

"I've already broken that last rule, though," said Yeonjun with an air of indifference.

"What? Then why would you make that a rule?" Jay asked, exasperated.

"I booked the gym so I'm allowed to break my own rules." He shrugged. "Anyway, who watched Fight Club? Rule one of Provisional Fight Club: You do not talk about Provisional Fight Club."

"Which you already broke," Sunghoon reminded.

"Yes, but, from now on."

The four of them stood around awkwardly for a while, with Yeonjun aimlessly stretching his limbs and Jay pretending to look around the gym and take in each detail. Jay hadn't realized just how tense the atmosphere had been between them until this moment, and he wasn't quite sure how he would muster up the willpower to even throw a punch at any of them. He was trying to recall the few YouTube tutorials he watched on how to punch; all he could remember was Jake specifically warning him not to close his fingers around his thumb.

Eventually, the tension became so suffocating that it was Sunghoon who broke first.

"Okay, yeah, this isn't happening, Yeonjun," he said. "This is too awkward. No one's even mad enough to fight."

"What? No, give it a chance," Yeonjun replied. "Let's just start talking shit about each other openly. Here, I'll go first: Heeseung, you're a hypocrite and no one likes you."

Heeseung, who barely even uttered a word until now other than cussing to himself, looked absolutely bewildered. "The fuck? What did I ever do to you?"

"See?" Yeonjun said with a flourish of his wrist, turning to face Sunghoon and Jay again. "Pretty simple."

"Actually, I don't even understand why you have a problem with me," Heeseung spat at Yeonjun, chest puffing up in his bout of fury. "It's you that's been stirring the pot."

"Oh, you're getting right into it, aren't you?"

"Maybe, yeah. Someone has to take things seriously around here."

"Is that so?"

"Ever since you gave Gigi those—"

"Oh, please, is this about the speed?" Yeonjun rolled his neck and let out a petulant groan. "You act like she's coked-out or something—give her a break. This is why she finds you so fucking annoying."

Heeseung scoffed and took a step closer. For a moment, Jay was sure he was going to strike, but then Heeseung's demeanor grew eerily calm.

Perhaps that wasn't a sign to relax; Heeseung's expression even made Sunghoon stiffen up as Yeonjun raised his brows, unamused, boldly throwing Heeseung a simpering smile. Heeseung was an elastic band right now, and Yeonjun was only pulling harder and harder.

"Heeseung," Jay interjected carefully.

"It's chill, Jay," Yeonjun said. "We're fine. Right, Heeseung?"

"Right." Heeseung kept his gaze fixed on Yeonjun as he spoke. "We're just talking."

Although their reassurance did nothing to undo the tight knot in Jay's chest, he let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, good, so—"

Jay heard the impact before he saw the strike; Heeseung lunged and punched Yeonjun in the face.

"—oh," Jay finished, stunned.

The swing caught Yeonjun under the jaw, sending him stumbling backward with a flash of crimson trickling from his bottom lip. For a moment, he looked disoriented as he regained his footing, and then Yeonjun wiped off the blood with his wrist and glowered at Heeseung.

"Fuck, that hurt." It was probably the first time Jay had heard Yeonjun get furious. His tone was still somewhat playful, but there was an edge of frustration that made him worry for Heeseung's safety. After another breath, he seemed to simmer down. "Feel better? Are you still pissed off?"

"Much better," Heeseung said, shaking off the sting from his knuckles, "but I'm still a little pissed."

"Can I hit you back?"

"No."

"That's not fair," Sunghoon spoke up. "If Yeonjun has a problem with you, then you should let him hit you back."

"That wasn't a rule!" Heeseung exclaimed.

"It was," Jay confirmed. "No chickening out."

"Also, let's not leave actual injuries—not injuries on the face, at least," Sunghoon added. "The Order's gonna ask questions if we show up with a bunch of bruises."

"I think it's a little late for that." Yeonjun scoffed, prodding his fingers against the purplish-blue splotch that started to form on his skin. "I think it's only fair if I get to hit him back at least once."

Heeseung's chest had been rising and falling in rapid succession for the past few minutes, but his breaths started to become more shallow after he took his anger out on Yeonjun. The fire that had been blazing in his eyes seemed to die down, and the shadows cast on his face didn't look so harsh anymore.

Jay considered not bringing up what happened with Jaehyun. He wasn't sure he wanted to be on the receiving end of Heeseung's rage.

"Okay, fine," Heeseung decided. "Go ahead and hit me, but I don't get why you're mad in the first place, anyway."

Yeonjun furrowed his brows and crossed his arms. "I just can't understand why this concerns you so much. You and Gigi aren't even that close, and it's not like you had a problem with me being people's plug before."

"You were there freshman year. You saw how bad her addiction got."

"Yeah, it was bad, but—”

"You're okay with her relapsing?"

"She's not a little freshman anymore, Heeseung. I think Gigi's more than capable of taking care of herself." His eyes grew wider, like he had been struck with electrifying realization, and he asked, "Are you jealous?"

"What?"

"You're jealous... you're jealous that I'm Gigi's plug and not yours."

"Okay, stop right there," Heeseung deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Don't get ahead of yourself." When Yeonjun looked as though he wasn't buying whatever Heeseung was saying, the latter gave up and straightened his back. "You know what? Fine. Just hit me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, whatever. Probably less painful than whatever it is you're spewing."

Yeonjun wound up his arm, almost comically, and Heeseung clenched his jaw to brace himself for the impact. Yelling at each other only seconds ago must have taken out enough steam out from both of them. Yeonjun was almost smiling and Heeseung had certainly set his pride aside this one time.

"Don't worry," Yeonjun said, his voice all sweet and light all of a sudden, "you can always ask me for drugs."

Heeseung grumbled something inaudible, irritated, which was a poor decision considering Yeonjun swung his fist at that very moment. The impact was hard enough to have Heeseung stumbling back, nearly ending up on the ground from how disoriented he was, but the punch left a nasty welt along his cheek and blood running down to his chin from his teeth accidentally tearing into his lower lip.

"Good punch," Heeseung muttered.

"Thanks," he replied. "I figured you'd be getting a lot more from Sunghoon, anyway."

Heeseung blanched, turning to Sunghoon, who had his arms crossed and his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah," Sunghoon spoke up, pushing himself off from where he was leaning against the wall to take Yeonjun's place in front of Heeseung. "My turn."

Jay already knew where this was going. He recalled that night when Heeseung opened up to him about his feelings for you, which unfortunately bloomed before you got into a relationship with Sunghoon. There was no reason for Heeseung to fight back on this one, and he could tell that his friend was already starting to accept his defeat.

Yeonjun bumped shoulders with Jay and snorted. "This one should be good."

"You have anything you wanna say first?" Sunghoon asked, cracking his knuckles one-by-one while Heeseung just stared at his fist.

"Uh, not really."

"Good."

The sheer force of Sunghoon's blow had Heeseung falling in a crumpled heap before Sunghoon could even draw back his arm. It didn't end there. Sunghoon pulled his friend up to his feet again, although Heeseung was staggering to regain his balance, and he swung his fist again.

Before Sunghoon could hit him again, Heeseung blocked his next punch with shaky hands.

"I'm sorry," he apologized (somewhat pathetically, Jay observed), "but you should know that I never acted on my feelings because you're my friend, too."

"But you did." Sunghoon's eyes were cold. "Can you really say you've never acted upon your feelings?"

"Yeah?"

Before even Jay could see it coming, Sunghoon threw another punch. Heeseung groaned from the sting, gently touching his bruised skin with his fingertips.

"You said not the face!" Heeseung complained.

"We've been friends for a long time now," Sunghoon said. "I'd like to think we're close enough for you to tell me the truth."

Jay had watched plenty of arguments break out between his friends but never anything like this. It was clear that Heeseung was grappling with his words for a moment, internally trying to figure out if he should just let everything out. Jay was immediately reminded of the first night he met all of them—watching Heeseung leaving his own girlfriend behind to try and comfort you—and he was wasn't sure how this would fare well for their friendship.

"Sure," Heeseung admitted with a hint of spite. "Sure, maybe a little. Could you blame me? She and I stopped being as close once you two started dating, and then you treated her like shit. I couldn't even comfort her anymore."

Jay involuntarily clenched his fist behind his back. It wasn't that Heeseung couldn't comfort you; he simply went about it in all the wrong ways. You essentially had no other choice but to distance yourself when he kept hitting on you whenever you were most vulnerable. Jay knew that he was supposed to keep his emotions under check around them, but he couldn't help but feel angry.

"And it's not just me," Heeseung continued with a huff. To Jay's dismay, he pointed his finger straight at him. "Jay's been getting close to her, too."

Jay gawked at the two of them. "Me?"

"It's not his turn yet," Yeonjun said as he was trying to tear open a granola bar.

"Shut up, dude." Heeseung rolled his eyes before turning back to Jay. "You can't tell me you haven't been interested in Y/N, either."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't made a single move on her."

Now Sunghoon was intrigued. He turned his attention away from Heeseung to stare at Jay, raising a brow as if he was confirming a previously-held suspicion. The look on his face only made Jay's stomach sink deeper.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

"I said interested, not that you made a move on her," Heeseung said. "I've felt this way for a while, but you've been spending a lot of time around her lately."

"That—that doesn't mean anything."

Yeonjun threw his head back to laugh. "Oh my god."

Sunghoon frowned. "What?"

"Nothing. I just think you two are overcomplicating a very simple explanation for this," Yeonjun said, shrugging. "You just feel threatened."

"Threatened?" Sunghoon sneered. "Why would I ever feel threatened?"

"You two have feelings for Y/N, you see her hanging around Jay all the time, so you become jealous because you can't understand why she's choosing him out of the both of you. It's simple enough to figure out."

Jay never wanted to strangle Yeonjun the way he wanted to right now, even though he was saying all the right things that Jay wanted to hear. Regarding the situation at hand, though, he was certain he would be safer if Yeonjun dug a grave and buried him inside.

They were quiet for a few moments before Sunghoon asked in a calm voice, "Do you like Y/N?"

Jay stiffened. "I'd never ask her out."

"That's not what I asked. I said, do you like Y/N?"

Heeseung looked curious, too, and for a moment, Jay could make out sympathy in his eyes. He had been in the same position where he couldn't admit his feelings honestly.

But Jay had different reasons for not wanting to admit his feelings, and it made him feel horrible to even be in such a position.

"It doesn't matter if I have feelings for her or not," he settled for saying instead, letting his head hang low. "I'm never asking her out. We're both just... too different."

"When did you start liking her?"

"Not when you two were—"

"When?"

"Just... just recently..."

Before his words could trail off, Jay was immediately struck with blinding, white-hot pain in his jaw. His vision curled at the edges and he nearly lost his footing and fell against Yeonjun. He looked up to see Heeseung's arm still outstretched, his fingers curled into a fist.

It felt like the world swayed underneath him for a moment, and Jay could hear the words from Jake's messages parroting in his head over and over again. Straight punches. Tighten your fist. Don't close your fingers over your thumb.

"There," Sunghoon said. "Now I've gotten all my anger out. Heeseung, you can punch me back for being a shit boyfriend to Y/N, and Jay can punch me back for—"

He punched Sunghoon before he could even think straight. It all happened so fast that Jay could only feel the pain in his knuckles afterward.

Sunghoon grunted as he steadied himself, one hand against the drywall and the other cradling his now-bruised jaw. He could barely raise his head for a moment, but when he finally did, Jay could see his dark eyes through his sweat-matted hair.

"Good," Sunghoon rasped out, nodding clumsily. "Good aim."

"Well, one down, I guess," Yeonjun remarked.

"I'll be honest," Jay spoke up, "she was kind of why I told the Order I wanted to punch you."

The three of them looked shocked for a moment before Heeseung and Yeonjun turned to hide their smirks. Sunghoon kept gaping at Jay before he sighed and shook his head.

"I bought you those shoes over that?"

"You can have them back."

"No, keep them," he said firmly. "Now that we've all gotten into the Order, we're all brothers now, whether we like it or not. It only makes sense that we fight these things out."

Jay wasn't sure if he trusted Sunghoon on that one, especially considering the relationship he had with his older brother. Still, the tension in the air wasn't as thick anymore, and they all definitely seemed more light-hearted after punching the bitterness out of each other.

And Jay debated bringing up his gripe with Heeseung as the three punched each other over various things that he wasn't sure made much sense anymore, but he came to realize that he didn't necessarily feel good after punching Sunghoon.

Sure, he finally let a load off his chest, but Jay had only gotten himself entangled deeper into a mess that he wasn't supposed to be part of in the first place.

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SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.

TAG LIST ▸ @zdgx1 @smouches @heesdazed @teawithbucky @leep0ems @peachpie4you @niniissus @kgneptun @jaeyunluvr @zerasari @sophiko22 @iselltulips @hoondiors @baekhyunstruly @jays-property @woninluv @heerinnie @fakeuwus @yizhoutv @theothernads @y4wnjunz @dammit-jjk @en-happiness @mari-oclock @soonyoungblr @jakeslvt @taetaenic @jebetwo @fairysungx @hsgwrld @shmooooo @ineedsomezzz @mrowwww @enha-stars @seongclb @lockburn-castle @alyssajavenss @enczen @calumsfringe @w3bqrl @luvyev @uhsakusa @luvnicho @wildflowermooon @navsnct @hooniesuniverse @enhalov @enhypens-baby @isawritesss

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jsprnt · 2 days

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Americano PT. 10 | Jude Bellingham x Reader

What happens if two individuals who absolutely despise each other are forced to interact after unforeseen events occur?

A/N: wrote this in between study breaks, I’m totally spent 😭😭

W/C: 3.523

part nine

"So, uh- do you have any allergies?"

I mutter awkwardly, standing in the middle of the kitchen, eyes on Jude as he sits across from me at the kitchen island.

He folds his arms across his chest, raising his head to look over at me.

"Are you planning something?" He eyes me suspiciously, causing a tired sigh to leave my mouth.

"Shut up- answer the question.." I raise my wooden spoon, threatening him.

"No, I don't have any allergies. Is that good enough?" He replies, Brum accent making him sound even more defensive.

"Ungrateful ass.." I mutter, turning around and starting to work on breakfast.

I had slept horribly after last night’s events. I'd reckon- maybe, six hours in total. It was our day off- thankfully, but that didn't mean that I trusted Jude to rummage through my house on his own while I rotted away in bed.

My dad had called earlier, wanting to explain the situation to me clearly without leaving any important details out.

Apparently, last night Jude's place was broken into again. This time, he was at home to actually witness it happen. I'm not sure what transpired between the intruder and Jude. Since, my dad had told me it would be too invasive for me to know.

From what I knew, it was the same person as last time- or how many damn times this had happened. This case had been keeping my dad busy for months now, and it only found a way to piss me off even more.

Either Jude had the shittiest security, or- did he even have security?

"Can't believe I'm cooking for you.." I mutter, hearing the drag of his house slippers against the floor as he walks up to me.

"What are you making?"

I move away, so he doesn't touch me, giving him a side eye as I crack four eggs in a pan.

"Eggs.." I say, moving back when oil splashes up.

"Can you cook?" He asks, eyes moving in between the stove and my face.

"Kind of.." I say, hesitating with my reply.

I knew how to cook the basics. Say, your pastas and soups. Though, I like to think I'm improving every time auntie Carmen comes over to show me how to cook another delicious meal.

"How do you like your eggs?" I ask, raising my head to look up at him. He has a confused expression on his face and his gaze is fixed on me.

Fuck, did that sound wrong?

"More runny or cooked?" I ask, grimacing to myself as I sprinkle salt and pepper into the pan.

"You've cooked it- enough.."

"Oh, okay.." I mentally curse at how stupid I sound, looking away from him.

I quickly plate it up for him, not forgetting the avocado and barely toasted pieces of bread.

Well, too bad for him.

We eat our breakfast without speaking to each other. I can only hear the crunch of my bread and clatter of the cutlery against the plates.

I look up at him when I've cleared my plate, wiping crumbs from the corners of my mouth.

"How long are you staying?"

"Are you trying to kick me out already?"

I give him a look, raising my brows as if to tell him he already knows my answer.

"I don't know- depends on the situation.." He says, rubbing his hands against his gray sweatpants.

I sigh, rubbing my temples in irritation.

"Where's your mom anyway?" I ask, remembering that they literally lived together.

"I made her go back to England for my brother’s games. She's always spending more time with me- felt bad for the lad.." He answers, looking away.

"Last night?" I ask, raising my voice in surprise.

"No, during international break. I wasn't playing remember.."

"Oh- that's good, I guess.." I trail off, realizing we're going to be home alone for a while.

Silence falls in between us, and I begin picking at the loose threads of my old pajama top. It was old, but so comfy to sleep in.

"Okay, uh- let's clean up, and I'll give you a quick tour of the place." I jump up from my seat, grabbing my plate off the table, and walk over to the sink.

I look back when he doesn't get up. I raise a brow, sending him a questioning look.

"What are you doing? Clean up.." I say, waving him over. I watch him grab his plate and cutlery- a comical sight that had me struggling to keep my composure.

He places the plate in front of me, looking at me like he's expecting me to do something.

I step back, folding my arms.

Woah, he looked clueless.

"Do you even know how to do- like the dishes or laundry?" I ask, eyeing him up and down.

"Not really.."

"You're what? Twenty and don't know how to do your own laundry?" I pull a horrified face.

"Do you think it's okay to freeload?" I question, immediately grabbing his wrist to drag him upstairs to the laundry room.

Did he think this was a five-star hotel or something?

"I can't believe I have to drive you there. Why don't you have a license?" I whine, walking into the bathroom and seeing him fix his hair. The array of skincare, haircare and bodycare all on the counter in front of him.

Why did I think that he only used a block of soap and aftershave?

He turns away from the mirror, taking a step closer to me as I passive aggressively grab my toothbrush.

"Why wouldn't you want to drive me?" He questions, his voice full of mockery.

I wet my toothbrush and the blob of toothpaste, starting to brush my teeth as I look up at him.

"Do you know how crazy it looks for a staff member to arrive with a player in her car?"

I mumble, probably half audible, as I spit foam into the sink.

He grimaces at me, and I watch him take a step away from me via the mirror.

"Oh, you're dramatic.." I mumble, running the brush over my teeth again.

"Everyone thinks we're together anyway- does it even matter at this point?"

I freeze, turning to him with white foam dripping down the corner of my mouth.

"That's even worse.." I shake my head, giving him a once-over before starting to rinse my mouth.

"Pre-match meal is at...?" I question, waiting for him to finish the sentence while I dry my hands and mouth.

"Half past two." He replies, making me nod.

"Okay- give me an hour.." I say, quickly running to my room to change and get ready.

It was match day against Granada. Thankfully, after this we got some more days off.

We had to get to the training center early, mainly due the fact that I had become Jude’s private driver.

When my father told me I had to drive him around, I almost fell to my knees in sheer despair, not believing the torture I had to go through.

I didn’t even get anything in return, well, maybe I’d bug my dad for another pretty handbag- or two.

Pre-match meals are usually about three to four hours before the match. Normally, I could arrive very late and still manage to snatch a nice plate, but because of Jude - that wasn't possible today, and probably until he’s moved out of my place.

y/n's only half-way through her 'getting ready' playlist when she hears multiple loud knocks on her bedroom door.

"What?! Stop banging on my door! You don't even pay rent!" She shouts over the music, watching the door handle twist.

She turns away from her vanity mirror, makeup brush in her hand, as she sees Jude walk into her room.

"Who invited you in?" She questions, gasping when he goes to sit on her nicely made bed, wrinkling the fabric.

"Me, you’re taking so-” He begins, but he's immediately cut off when she shouts.

"Wait- shut up.."

She says, turning away to sing along with the song currently playing from her phone.

"We do the things but we know it's wrong

All on my skin, you all in my palm

I sent you a envelope, came with a poem

You possess venom that came with a charm

You get the good out me when I perform

I know the bad in you, that's what I want

And you a baddie, you turnin' me on."

Seems like she forgets he's even in her room, singing along to the Future verse while she dots a good amount of blush on the apples of her cheek.

He sighs loudly, continuing to stare at her from behind. She doesn’t notice at all, now way too invested into getting ready while listening to her favorite songs.

Jude runs a frustrated hand over his face, taking in the way she sings along with the all-too-familiar-sounding song lyrics, hoping she can hurry up soon.

"Do I have to take you home too?" I ask, getting up from the comfy chair I'm in. Following Jude towards the dressing room. Relieved after a 2-0 win against Granada.

The sound of his cleats hitting the floor is loud, and I stop right at the entrance of the dressing room when he stops in his tracks.

"I can call a taxi, probably.."

I search his face for any annoyance or anger, but don't see anything like it. Instead, in a strangely familiar way- his eyes are wide and expressive. He looks more unsure and uncomfortable than I've ever seen him.

"It's fine- we're going to the same house anyway.." I whisper, dismissing his words with a wave.

"I have to go back to the training center though.. Can you stand tagging along with me?" I question, raising my brows in anticipation.

"Yeah, I'll just get freshened up really quick.." He says, stepping inside and closing the door since he was the last player to enter.

After saying bye to everyone, I sneakily walk up to my car. Almost jumping out of my skin when I see Jude already standing at the passenger door.

"What are you- get in.." I sigh, unlocking the door and stepping in.

The ride over to the training center is awkward and quiet, to say the least. I'm not in the mood to look through my playlist- and I'm sure he isn't either, by the way he's busy scrolling on his phone.

I park my car in my designated spot in the staff parking lot, looking over at him.

"Do you want to stay in the car?" I ask, unbuckling my seatbelt, and glancing at him.

"No, I'll come with you.." He replies, stepping out of the passenger’s seat and following me inside.

"I need to leave this bag here.." I inform, locking the car as the both of us walk inside the center.

He doesn't reply, not that it's necessary.

I walk up to the office, still hearing Jude walk right behind me.

"You're following me like a lost puppy.." I mutter, unlocking the door of the room I'm supposed to leave the equipment in.

"Okay, damn, I'll be downstairs.." He sneers, turning away and leaving immediately.

I shrug to myself when he leaves, finishing my business before going down as well.

I shove my keys into my bag, swinging it on my shoulder, then go looking around for Jude.

I enter the meeting room he and other players would hang out in, but don't see him. Stepping out, I look up from the door, walking in and out of the other meeting rooms.

"Where the fuck are you?" I mutter, reaching for my phone to call him, only to remember that I don't even have his phone number.

"Looking for something?"

I almost scream out loud when I hear a deep voice behind me. I turn, trying to not look like the person scared the crap out of me.

Oh, the creepy coworker. How fun.

"No, just dropped off some equipment upstairs.." I quickly say, rubbing my hand against my jeans.

I watch his eyes flicker to the keycard around my neck, which I forgot to take off.

"Coming from Bernabéu, y/n?"

Why did he know my name?

"Yeah, busy day.."

He stares at me, not saying anything else. I mentally hype myself up to say something, maybe to learn more about him.

"What's your name? We've seen each other around, but I don't know your name.” I say, shifting nervously as his blue eyes peer into mine.

"Andrés, fitness department. I'm new.." He says, sticking out a ghostly hand for me to shake.

"Right, nice to meet you. I would introduce myself too, but you seem to know already. How come?" His grip is tight, so I tighten it even more.

Give me a rough handshake, and I’ll break your hand out of pettiness.

"Everyone here knows you.." He replies, there is a harsh, but breathiness to his voice and it causes chills to run down my spine.

I clear my throat, realizing he still hasn't let go of my hand.

"Because of my father, yeah.." I fake a chuckle, trying to pull my hand back.

"No, not because of mister l/n.." My breath hitches audibly at his tone, and I try to snatch my hand back even more forcefully.

He doesn't even flinch, continuing to stare down at me.

"y/n, here you are.." I hear a familiar voice say, breaking out of this weird fucking trance.

My head snaps up, my eyes going wide, when I see Jude stepping out of the meeting room I had not checked out yet.

I use the opportunity to snatch my hand away from Andrés, rubbing my hand to fix my blood flow.

I watch Jude give him a look, death stare imminent when he walks up to us.

"Andrés? What are you doing here, it's late." He says, for some reason, slower than I have ever heard him speak.

"Work, busy.." He answers, trying to speak English with a broken Spanish accent.

Oh, he didn't speak English?

I watch a strange interaction between them, a jumble of Spanish and English. I try my best to understand, but it seems like both men throw in some gibberish too.

Finally, when they're done with their simlish, I'm grabbed by my hand, dragged away by Jude.

"What the hell is his problem?" I exclaim, still feeling my hand ache from the pressure.

"He's been fuckin' weird, don’t like him..” He mutters, walking ahead of me while still dragging me along.

I struggle to catch up with his long strides, his warm palm pressing into mine as he looks back at me.

"You okay?" He questions, stopping abruptly, causing me to smash my face against his arm.

"Ow- not anymore.." I mutter, rubbing my nose in agony with my free hand.

"Oh- shit, sorry.." He spits, his hand still on mine. I remove my hand from my face, raising my chin to look up at him.

"Am I bleeding?" A dramatic question, but you never knew with his rock-hard, muscular- arms..

I blink up at him, feeling his hand come up to my chin. He pinches my face, making me move my head.

"No, no blood- I think.." He breathes out, eyes roaming around my face to check for any blood.

I make sudden, close eye contact with him. His brown eyes catching mine, breath fanning my face.

We stare at each other for a moment. His hand still clearly on mine while he cups my face to look at me.

I realize the position we're in and step back. I eye our intertwined hands, looking back up at him as if to tell him to let go.

He clears his throat, dropping my hand like it's hot, and stepping back.

I decide to pretend I don't give a fuck. Ignoring the drumming of my heart, and grab my car key out of my bag.

"Get in.."

"Smash.." I say, maybe for the 10th time this hour.

"Oh my days, can you stop saying that?" Jude exclaims, a bewildered expression on his face as he looks over at me.

"Can't, it's Michael B. Jordan, and you want me to sit still?" I ask, earning a grunt from him.

"You're unbelievable.."

I ignore him, continuing to drool over the screen while I shove popcorn into my mouth.

"What are you going to do? You're off for four days.." I ask, sprawled out on the couch, in front of the TV.

"I have physical therapy every day, can't leave the city.." He complains, sitting on the couch across from me.

"Oh, how inconvenient- wait, who's driving you?.."

"Don't you worry, I've got someone driving me.." He sneers, folding his arms.

I roll my eyes, going back to watch the movie on the screen.

A hot man could make a boring movie so incredibly interesting.

"I'm not home tomorrow. Will you survive being home alone for the rest of your day?" I question, flickering my eyes back to him.

"Where are you going?"

"Taking my last exam, library helps me focus better.." I stuff another handful of popcorn into my mouth.

"Last one?"

"Yeah, I need to go revise a little." I sit up, pausing the movie, and getting up from the couch.

"Have it.." I shove the bowl of popcorn into his hands, walking up the stairs to my room. Ready for this exam to be over already.

“What the fuck was that.." I whisper to myself, hitting my head on my steering wheel repeatedly. I had long driven home from the library, not caring to step out of the car, parked in the driveway.

I had studied hours on end, but when I was presented with the questions, my brain practically short circuited, causing me to blank out so much information I needed to know.

I'm on the verge of tears at this point. Normally, after the last exam of the semester, I'd be jumping from joy, but the way this exam had gone- I wanted to cry buckets of tears.

I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Not caring about the foundation stain left on it, and grab my bag from the backseat. I get out of my car, unlocking the front door of my house quickly.

I expect the house to be quiet, but instead I hear loud music. Old 80s songs, solely about love. Music only I knew auntie Carmen loved listening to while cooking.

I drop my bag at the front door, blinking repeatedly to hide the tears in my eyes. I shrug my jacket off, the December cold had come in full force. Though, to me, nothing was worse than winter in London anyway.

"Harina, say it, young man.." I hear auntie Carmen say in Spanish, a voice following behind her.

"Harina? Harina.." A broken accented voice says. I raise my brows, my tears and worries in the back of my mind now.

Curiosity takes over, and I immediately walk towards the kitchen, where the noises are coming from.

I'm greeted by the sight of auntie Carmen and Jude standing next to each other. Both wearing aprons as they are kneading dough on the kitchen island. Flour sprinkled on the marble as I hear Jude repeat random Spanish words, often getting corrected by my auntie.

She didn't even speak a lick of English. How did they even communicate?

I clear my throat, taking their attention away from the slabs of dough on the counter.

"Oh- you're home.." She smiles warmly at me, beckoning me over with a flour-covered hand.

"What's this?" I ask, stepping closer and speaking in Spanish.

"We're making pizza from scratch, sweetie." She says, giving me a kiss on my cheek.

"With him?" I point to Jude, watching him pound the dough with unnecessary aggression.

"What do you mean? Jude is so good at this, look at him go..” She smiles, saying his name with the utmost affection. He looks up confused, but I ignore him further.

What the hell did he do to make her like him already?

"Your boyfriend is a better cook than you already..”

I pull a horrified face, eyes going wide as my arms fall to my sides. I glance at Jude, noticing that he hadn’t even flinched at the words.

Thankfully, his Spanish classes weren’t so advanced yet…

I lean in close to her, whispering, well whisper-shouting.

“He’s not my boyfriend..” I say, pulling a face. I watch the corners of her eyes crinkle as she smiles.

“I know, I’m just joking. Your dad called me about this entire situation already..”

“Why would you say that, then?”

“He’s handsome, isn’t he..” She says out loud, making me facepalm.

First, he steals my dad’s time, then my house, and now my auntie?

I look at him, watching him knead the dough, a smirk forming on his face.

I want to strangle him right here and now..

It’s only been a couple days, and this was too much for me already.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham fanfic #real madrid fc #real madrid #footballer x reader #football imagines #football fanfic #football imagine #football #bellingham x reader

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skania · 1 day

Text

AquaKane & OnK 148

Ohhhhh boy. I thought we would have to wait until July to get back to Aqua and Akane, so this chapter blindsided me lol

I know that the most on-the-nose reading of this chapter is that Aka is preparing to pull the classic romcom trope where the love interest gives up on the MC only so the rest of the cast can reassure her that she is the one who makes the MC happy, etc. etc. Considering that this is happening two chapters after Aqua told Kana that he has fun with her, it's like Aka is leading us all to believe that's where it's going. It's all very tropey and in-your-face and perfectly on brand with the way Aka has always written that particular ship.

So instead of talking about the obvious, I'd like to indulge my hopes for good writing and discuss the possibility of Aka actually subverting those tropes by playing this straight, regardless of how likely or unlikely it may be. Because if he does, then all of the stuff I've always loved about Aqua and Akane may just end up meaning something.

This is the possibility I'm rooting for against all odds after all, so I figure that I may as well go down throwing my ship the hurrahs it deserves while I can still do so lol

So buckle up because this is going to be long!

This chapter is a wild ride because it touches upon a lot of different things at once.

First, Aqua supposedly didn't want to be involved with Akane any longer in order to keep her safe.

However, when Akane announced that she would stop his plans — in other words, that she would stay involved in his life — Aqua looked giddy.

Look at him. When Aka allows him to actually emote and be an actual character, Aqua can be so funny!

True to form, in this chapter we see Akane come up to him and Aqua just... welcome her. In fact, he even asks her if she feels awkward around him. Instead of acting like they never dated (which is exactly what Akane has been doing, mind you), he himself brings their former relationship to the forefront.

There's a pause splitting his question in two, meaning that this is something Aqua hesitates to ask. Almost like he is scared of the reply. Or like he may be feeling a little awkward himself.

Which is no surprise, because that is how Aka himself presents their current era. Akane isn't just Akane and she isn't just a friend; she is Aqua's ex girlfriend, a title that never fails to bring attention to the fact that they used to be romantically involved.

From colleagues, to a fake couple, to partners, to a real couple and now they're in their Exes era. I've been waiting for Aka to explore all the tension and complexity that should bring, but he's been kind of busy off-paneling most things Aqua. Alas!

When I commented on Chapter 131, I mentioned that (to me) it feels like after Chapter 116, Akane found something to focus on. She isn't thinking about her relationship with Aqua, the only thing she has in mind is Aqua. Keeping him safe, helping him achieve happiness.

Even here during this chapter, she goes to him to ease his loneliness and remind him that he has people worth living for and that he deserves to be happy, but... nothing she says includes her. It's all about Aqua and the others, the others and Aqua.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Akane walks away from him with her eyes closed. Her mind is consumed with thoughts about wanting Aqua to be happy, and so she doesn't even notice the way he turns to look at her retreating back.

Until Kana shines her proverbial light on her, making Akane open her eyes.

The way the chapter is structured, it's like Kana is there to give Akane the answer — the missing piece to solve the Aqua Happiness Conundrum™ that Akane is so focused on. It's easy to think that the answer is predictably Kana herself, but since I'm here for Aqua and Akane, I'd like to believe the answer can be just as Kana says.

After all, who is prominently featured in what Aqua considers to be his happy days?

Kana's words are abrupt, yes, but the silver lining is that they reflect what Aqua himself has already told us.

Akane is front and center in what Aqua has come to know as happiness.

One may wonder: How TF does Kana know that though?? And it's a fair question that I'll talk about in a little bit, but maybe what matters most is that she knows it at all.

In a way, it feels almost like meta commentary. Like the story has finally reached the point where Aka can afford to go back to Aqua and Akane, and so he is getting ready to reap all the seeds he sowed during the previous arcs fingers crossed.

And this is the very first one of those seeds: Aqua was happy with Akane, but Akane never let herself think that she played an instrumental part in his happiness. She seems to think that it was just being freed from his revenge.

I'd even argue this right here was the true reason of their downfall. It wasn't Aqua finding out about the loophole and Akane not coming clean, it was the reason why she didn't come clean.

Aqua's happiness mattered so much to her that Akane failed to consider that risking her life for him was the last thing Aqua wanted.

So when I read the leaks and Kana's comment, my kneejerk reaction was to think Finally! because this could be setting in motion something I've been waiting for all along.

For Aqua and Akane to revisit their dynamic, their relationship, and come clean about what they mean to each other — wherever that may lead them.

Now, going back to Kana and that earlier question of how does she know? Perhaps she saw something we haven't been privy to (in classic Aka fashion). Or maybe it's as simple as Kana finally realizing that Aqua is deeply unwell, and knowing that the last time she saw him happy was back when he was dating Akane.

Considering the information Kana has and — especially — all the information she lacks, it's not far-fetched for her to come to the conclusion that Aqua's state is partly to blame on his break-up with Akane.

Once again, it would be easy for Aka to say that Kana got it wrong because she doesn't know anything about Aqua's revenge. But wouldn't it be ironic if Kana's lack of insight into that particular side of Aqua is what allows her to see something so simple that the very parties involved are missing it?

Regardless of the road she took to get there, I'd like to think the manga has given us enough reasons to believe Kana is not quite wrong.

After all, Aqua didn't get his black stars when he found out that his father was alive. It wasn't finding out about his father's identity that did it, either.

It was turning his back on Akane and on the naive thoughts of being happy in order to walk down the Revenge Road, on a chapter aptly titled "Going Astray", that gave Aqua his two black stars.

If that was the chapter where Aqua stepped away from the "correct path", so to speak, then it stands to reason to believe that Akane may be front and center in the path Aqua is meant to take.

Coincidentally, this was the last interaction Aqua and Akane were allowed to have before this chapter.

Another thing I find very important in c148 is the way Kana words her realization. Kana isn't telling all of this to Akane as an observer. She's saying it as someone who likes Aqua romantically.

This is in contrast to Akane and Aqua, who are two hot messes when it comes to identifying the nature of their own feelings.

Throughout the entire manga, we've never seen Akane put a label on the way she feels about Aqua. We've seen her realize why she feels the way she does, but we haven't seen her say what she feels, even though Aqua himself has questioned it.

Closest we got was this, and they broke up a chapter later.

Aqua has unexpectedly been more open than Akane in that regard, but... once again, they broke up literally one chapter after Aqua was at his most candid.

And considering everything that happened before and after that, I'm not sure if Akane actually got the message.

But before I get to that, there is an important difference in the way Akane was thinking of Aqua's happiness back then and the way she's thinking about it now.

Chapter 97 was even titled Together. Akane wanted to make Aqua happy, yes, and she also wanted to be together with him always. Just like Aqua wanted them to, according to his own admission: "I don't want to let go of these days... when you're by my side."

But all of that is missing in this most recent chapter. She no longer includes herself as part of the equation at all.

It truly feels like Akane is back to completely underestimating how much she means to Aqua.

Back when Aqua told her this:

Akane reacted like this:

And what is her reaction to Kana's words this chapter?

Every single time, Akane is taken aback by the thought of meaning more to Aqua than she thinks. Every. Single. Time.

This is sad and a little frustrating, but it's far from surprising. After all, this is how Akane has always interpreted their relationship:

As far as Akane is concerned, their relationship was a lie that was turning into truth little by little. She never dared to hope that he loved her back; hell, she even thought that he was attracted to Kana and wondered why he decided to date her instead.

To make matters worse, in Chapter 98, Aqua deliberately set the stage so that Akane's trust in him — the very basis of their relationship — would be broken.

So while Akane realizes that Aqua doesn't want to use her, she may have explained that away as Aqua being his kind self rather than as Aqua harboring any kind of special feelings towards her.

Regardless of how she interpreted his actions though, it seems likely that Akane thinks that she failed him.

She couldn't save him as his girlfriend and Aqua told her he would have nothing to do with her anymore, and so Akane is now trying to save him as something else entirely. Not even as a friend, because she hardly interacts with him at all.

She's trying to save him while staying away just like he wanted her to. While only stepping in when she deems it appropriate and/or necessary.

But is that really and truly what Aqua wants?

Most importantly, is that what Aqua needs?

This chapter suggests that may not be the case, and the rest of the manga agrees. Staying away is not how Akane saved Aqua little by little. This is how she did it:

That's why the way Kana worded her realization is important. It isn't only that Kana — the very girl Akane thought Aqua was attracted to — is bringing romance to the forefront and thus setting the stage for the nature of Akane's (and Aqua's) feelings to be finally cleared up.

It's also that Kana is showing Akane that it's possible to own her feelings while being selfless about his happiness.

After all, the ball right now is in Akane's court. In the state he is now, Aqua would never ever allow himself to chase his own happiness. Even when he thought he was free to do so, he felt that Akane deserved better than to be held back by him.

So all in all, it's like with this chapter alone Aka has laid the groundwork to address all the AquaKane elephants in the room. Just in time for the very season that will be showing AquaKane in all its glory to all the anime-only watchers, at that.

In each of the last arcs, Aqua has reconciled with someone important to him. Kana and Ruby are fully back in his life now, yet he isn't doing any better. Maybe it's finally Akane's turn to try again.

So yes, Kana's change of heart is so abrupt that it may be a red herring leading to a very predictable end.

But since I've made it this far, I may as well keep hoping for the opposite to be true: maybe, just maybe, Aka is planning to tie all of this together and lead it to a satisfying conclusion. I can only hope that is the case, because it's where I feel that the writing is at its best.

Besides, if "giving up on Aqua" and "turning his black star white" are so-called "winning flags", well... Akane did both of those first 😂

#akane kurokawa #aqua hoshino #aquakane #aquaka #my aquakane meta #I was half-tempted to wait until next week because for all I know Aka is going to shoot all of this down in record time #but as I always say: if I've been reading for this long I may as well go down clowning lmao #aka can do whatever he wants but this is the way I'd personally like the manga to go and I'm sticking by it #bring it on aka #I've got both my celebratory and my clown gifs so I'm ready for both outcomes #one thing I forgot to mention is that aqua adresses akane by her first name in this chapter #but that's a post for another time

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 day

Note

WIBTA for demanding my friend respond to me

📢✨️

I have known this guy, and been friends with him since we were kids, and while we've drifted a bit (I've moved away, we move in different circles online) I've made consistent effort to make plans to hang out, play games, watch stuff, whatever. He has autism and has difficulty communicating. I'm receptive to that and don't push Big Talk topics over text, or burden him with my insecurities. However, when I try to speak to him, the conversation usually just goes dead.

I've been careful to mind my paranoia about him secretly hating me or whatever - though I do house those insecurities, I won't lie - and assume the simplest answer is most likely. That he either didn't see them right away or didn't want to commit to plans without checking his schedule or something, and got embarrassed when he forgot to reply.

Now, though, I'd say it's about 3/10 times I actually get a reply at all. For example, we're watching Dungeon Meshi together, hot media, spoilers rife, I'm about 3 weeks behind - again - because I've been waiting to watch it together. When I bat it to him with a 'let me know when you want to' or 'is [this day] okay?', it's radio silence.

I know he has valid reasons for failing to communicate, however rude he might appear. I'm especially worried saying something about this would widen the gap between us, but I don't want to let this go because it's been going on a while and it's causing me distress.

#aita #am i the asshole

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annwrites · 2 days

Text

i've wanted this for so long

— pairing: shane walsh x fem!reader

— type: ficlet

— summary: you & shane make love for the first time

— tags: angst, shane is desperately in love with you & has been waiting for this

— tw: depressive thoughts, sex

— word count: 2,229

— a/n: it's finally here! | find my other posts concerning shane, which take place before & after this, here

It felt like since the world fell apart, that there wasn't a moment that you weren't filled with utter terror. Always waiting for the next tragedy to strike. But this? What you were about to ask of Shane?

It didn't matter if he'd already made you an offer...and mentioned it once more during target practice. You were petrified as you stood across the camp staring in his direction as he sorted through the duffle bag of firearms and ammo, trying to come up with the right way to say it.

You worry that perhaps he's now changed his mind. What if he doesn't want to anymore? And when you ask...is the camp really the best place to do it? What if someone overhears? What would they think?

And while he'd told you he'd moved past whatever he'd felt for Lori—whatever they'd had—you weren't so sure.

You suppose it doesn't matter either way. It'll be one thing: sex. No feelings attached. Just...just something you wanted to experience. To know what it felt like. A brief release.

You'd lied awake tossing and turning nearly all night, debating with yourself. You'd tried, in earnest, to talk yourself out of it. Told yourself you were being stupid. Selfish. You'd torn yourself apart until you were in tears.

He may've made it sound like—that night on the porch—it wouldn't just be 'getting laid' to him, but you knew otherwise. You were so...worthless and weak.

It doesn't matter that he told you he saw you as anything but. He was a leader. You, a follower. He'd kept everyone safe, had bothered to waste his time saving your life over and over. Meanwhile, you did meaningless chores all day.

Why had he ever bothered giving you the time of day in the first place? Why had he ever glanced twice in your direction? You can't wrap your head around it.

You could never mean something more to someone. Not that you want to to him. You know he's...beyond your grasp.

You shake your head, huffing, fighting back tears again. God, you were absolutely pathetic.

And it's the very reason you finally march over to him, ready for him to tell you no. That he had no idea what he was thinking making someone like you such an offer in the first place.

You want the rejection. You want him to hurt you. Badly. You want to be proven right: that you're nothing.

It'll make letting go of this idiotic idea that much easier.

Shane doesn't even see you standing across the picnic table at first.

You clasp your hands nervously in front of you. "Shane."

He looks up to you. "Was thinkin' 'bout gettin' these rifles cleaned up and sortin' through the ammo. Not sure how much we've got left in here. If you want to help, you can-"

"I want you to do it."

He stops, the pistol in his hand slipping from his grip back into the bag. He stares at you for a moment. "What?"

Please, be as harsh as possible, you think.

"I want you to take my virginity."

He blinks at you, dumbfounded. And then a slow smile spreads across his lips.

You hope he's about to mock you for ever taking his offer seriously in the first place. You know he's about to.

You don't blame him.

He comes around the table to stand in front of you. He gently takes your hand in his. "You do?"

You nod.

The look on his face softens and you suddenly feel confused.

Why isn't he being mean to you for this?

"When?" He asks in a hopeful whisper.

"N-now...?"

He reaches up, brushing his knuckles along your cheek. "Where?"

Had...had he actually meant it, then?

"I...I don't know." You can't think.

"I know a place."

"Oh." Had he thought ahead? Been planning for it all this time?

He chuckles. "I uh...I need to grab somethin' from my tent real quick. Wait here for me?"

You nod.

You stand there taken completely aback. How...how could he actually want this with you? To be the one to do it? You saw it as more of a burden on him than anything.

A chore.

You're broken from spiraling thoughts of telling him to forget it, that you've changed your mind; made a mistake, by him taking your hand in his and leading you away from the farm, a blanket tucked under his other arm.

Shane had led you well away from the house and into a clearing in the middle of the woods. And it was beautiful.

Vibrant green canopies of tree leaves were overhead, the sun shining through them, casting rays of light across the forest floor. Birds sung a melody all around you, and a cool breeze kissed your skin.

You look to him and watch as he fans out the blanket he'd brought, smoothing it across the grass.

Finally, he stands again.

Before he can speak, you do so first.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

He gives you a quizzical look. "I should be asking you that. Why're you askin' me, though, darlin'?"

"I don't understand you," you blurt out.

He raises a brow.

You continue. "Don't...don't you see this as more of a burdensome chore than anything else?"

Sadness for you flashes across his features. "How could I ever see makin' love you as that?" He cups your cheeks in his hands then.

"Making...love..." You struggle to wrap your head around him seeing it as that.

His voice becomes a mere whisper. "I've wanted this for so long. Have I not made my feelings for you clear yet?"

You blink up at him in response.

"Then let me show you. Right now."

Shane crushes his lips to yours, cupping the back of your head, holding you to him, terrified that if he lets go for even a moment, you'll run and this...this will be over. For good.

He'd waited for you for weeks, and months, and now—now—here you were. Finally.

You had finally come to him on your own. Had finally asked him for himself. Asked him to be the one man you gave this precious part of yourself to.

How could he not love you for that? How could he not otherwise?

He slides his other hand along your hip, until his palm is pressed firmly to the small of your back, bringing your body closer to his own. He flicks his tongue against your lips, asking you for entrance.

And you grant it.

He flicks his tongue again, against yours, silently encouraging you to enjoy this. To make the most of this—of all of it—of him.

He pulls away for a moment, reaching down to his belt, until your hands come to rest over his.

He looks at you, heart sinking. "Do you want to stop?"

You shake your head, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes, then back down.

He drops his hands and yours take over, gently unbuckling his belt.

Meanwhile, he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you next unzip and unbutton his pants.

He toes off his boots, pulling his shirt over his head, then stepping out of his pants next.

Once he's clad in nothing but his boxers, erection firmly present, he slides his hands up your hips, pulling your shirt off as well.

He reaches to the back of you, gently unclasping your bra and you cover yourself as it slips off of your arms.

He shakes his head, his eyes searching for yours. "You don't need to hide from me."

"What...what if you don't like how I look...once I'm naked?"

He hates that you're worried about such a thing in the first place, but understands.

"What're you worried about, babydoll? Some stretch marks? Do you want to know what a man thinks when a naked woman is in front of him?"

You shrug.

"Shit, she's naked."

You give a small laugh at that and he's glad to see you smile.

"A woman giving you her naked body is a gift. Any man who sees it otherwise never deserved you in the first place. At that," he says, unbuttoning your jeans. "He ain't a man if judging your body is the only thing on his mind when you're like that in front of him."

Finally, you toe off your shoes as well.

He gently tugs your jeans down past your hips, then your legs, until they've pooled around your feet.

You step out of them and Shane lays them to the side.

He stands again and you lower your arms.

He grips either of your hips, thumbs brushing against the bare skin of your sides as he studies your nearly-naked form, wanting desperately the unwrap the rest of his gift by removing your panties.

He looks you over, eyes dilating with lust.

"Sweetheart, I don't think you've got anythin' to be worried about."

He looks into your eyes and his lip twitches when he sees how flushed your face is.

He crushes his lips back to yours, sliding his hand down your stomach, past the waistline of your panties, his palm coming to rest against your sex, which is already pleasantly wet.

He runs two fingers between your folds and you whimper against his lips, your tongue slipping inside his mouth.

He does it again and your hips jerk, bringing you closer to him as you throw your arms around his neck, breasts pressed firmly to his chest.

He groans as he continues to tease that sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs until his palm is covered in you.

Shane then reaches down, grabbing the backs of your thighs and lifts you, wrapping your legs around him as he sets both of you on the ground.

He lies you back as he rests on his haunches, studying every inch of you.

He hooks his fingers under the waistband of your panties, looks at you, and when you give him a small nod, slips them down your legs, tossing them to the side, his hands spreading your legs further apart.

He licks his lips. "You're so damn perfect."

He leans down, kissing your lips fervently, but gently. He then presses hot kisses to your neck, then your shoulder, your breasts—he teases your nipples with the tip of his tongue until your hips are rising up to rub against his erection, desperate for any form of friction. He them moves to your stomach, spearing his tongue as he licks and teases, then moves lower until his face is between your thighs.

He throws your legs over his shoulders, and you gasp as he presses his open mouth against you, tasting you over and over, lapping at you like he can't get nearly enough. He spreads your soaked folds with his tongue, teasing against your tight entrance. He then flicks his tongue against your clit over and over, and your hips buck against him—his large calloused hands holding firmly against them—as you fuck yourself against his mouth.

He eventually begins to press wet hot kisses to your inner thighs, enjoying the sight of you spread open before him, pink and glistening. And the sounds mewling from your mouth... He doesn't know if he's ever been so fucking turned on before.

Finally, he stands quickly enough to remove his boxers, reaching to retrieve a condom from the pocket of his pants and your eyes widen as he rolls it onto his considerable length. All you can think is that much girth will be excruciating.

He lays back down on top of you, erection in his right hand, rubbing against your entrance as his other smooths hair away from your face as he kisses and kisses you. Finally, he begins to ease into you, inch by inch.

You do your utmost to relax, positioning one of your legs over his back and it helps with the pain, even minimally.

He stops halfway inside of you to allow you to adjust.

"You alright, angel?"

You nod, biting your lip. You wiggle your hips, trying to get more comfortable.

"Want me to keep goin'?"

He voice is husky, his words said between breaths.

You nod.

Once he's eased himself the rest of the way inside of you, he presses his forehead against your shoulder. "Jesus Christ," he whispers.

You wrap your arms around him, massaging the back of his head with your fingers.

He fights against his body jerking as he feels you clench around him once, twice...

He looks at you, and in that moment...something has changed. For both of you.

He kisses you. "This won't be enough for me. I can't just do this once and be expected to forget about it. To move on. Getting over her was one thing. But if I lose you? It'll damn-near kill me." He twines his fingers between yours as he begins to move inside of you. "Tell me you're mine. Tell me," he grunts, slipping out then back into you. "Tell me this is forever."

You wrap your other leg around him and he sinks even deeper. You sigh, gripping his chin gently in your hand, wanting nothing more than to look into his eyes as you give him this promise.

"I'm yours, Shane. Forever."

#fic: twd (shane walsh x reader)#shane walsh x y/n #shane walsh x reader #shane walsh imagine #twd x y/n #twd x you #twd x reader

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muddyorbsblr · 1 day

Text

the final Lady Sharpe part 5: sent away

Series Masterlist See my full list of works here!

Part of the 500 Follower Celebration Requested by: @ellooo0ooo

Summary: Your plans with Thomas are coming to an end as his machine parts arrive and you both head into the city to set into motion Lucille's arrest.

Pairing: Thomas Sharpe x Reader

Word Count: 5.2k (get a drink ready)

Warning/s: 18+ | smut (minors & pearl clutchers exit the room i only ask nicely once); vaginal fingering; oral sex (f receiving); Lucille Sharpe (yes she's a warning) [let me know if i missed anything!]

Things to be aware of: married blorbos are snowed in (oh no how terrible 😈😏); Thomas is a simp for his wife; mutual pining sad blorbos hours

Dick-tionary: smut starts at "If we cannot lay together, then at least let me pleasure you." and ends at "…except one somber truth"

Logically there was no good reason why Thomas would wake this morning in a significantly better mood, considering that he was still stuck in this manor, a death sentence care of his psychotic murderous sister still looming over your head, and tasked with a nightly distraction that even the mere thought of it made his stomach want to turn. And yet somehow, in these few moments when he got to rouse from sleep before you did, getting to really look upon your features at a seemingly peaceful rest while he held you in his arms, there was a contentment that blanketed him and kept him warm despite the biting cold of winter.

If he could keep even at least this after this treacherous endeavor was done with, if he could keep you, then perhaps he could believe himself still deserving of happiness despite all the devastation he'd wrought throughout the years. There was no version of the near future that he could picture where he would be denied the simplest pleasure of getting to see you, perhaps even hold you. And with those thoughts, his mood had begun to sour, fully knowing that that was what awaited him at the end of the road. Dissolution of marriage.

And he couldn't even fault you for that. Why would you wish to stay with him given the context on why he'd chosen to court you? Why would you have any reason to believe him if he could muster up the courage to tell you that he'd fallen irretrievably in love with you and that he wanted more than anything to try to make this marriage work? To make it real?

He traced the back of his finger across your cheekbone, his heart twisting and melting all at once when you smiled and nuzzled your cheek against his chest. "I love you," he whispered, hoping that somehow his message would reach into your dreams. "I don't want you to leave if we make it through this. I wish to stay with you. Wherever you wish to go, I'll happily follow."

You began to stir in his arms, soft groans coming from you as you slowly roused in your husband's embrace. "Hmm?" The baronet's heart caught in his throat when your eyes fluttered open and met his, a soft smile stretching across your face. "Morning..."

He couldn't resist the urge to press a kiss to the tip of your nose, doing his best to fight back the desire to do nothing more than simply to stay in bed just like this when you rewarded him with such a lighthearted, melodic giggling in response. "Good morning, wife."

"Big day today," you mumbled, failing to fight back a yawn as you worked your way out of his embrace to sit up on the bed. "Your machine parts arrive today if your supplier and the postal service is on schedule. I just have to get all the duplicate documents I've had hidden away in your workshop together so I can send them over to my contacts in Scotland Yard." Excitement colored your features as you reached for his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "It's almost over. We actually did it. You're almost free."

Thomas' stomach dropped as the reality of the situation dawned on him, mentally counting back on how long it had been since he carried you in his arms across the threshold of Allerdale Hall and you concocted a plan that might grant him his freedom from Lucille's reign of terror. Three and a half weeks. He would be expecting the notice from the post office any day now. Tears prickled in the back of his eyes as your words haunted him.

You'll be free from me, too.

You seemed oblivious to the darkness that begun to plague him as you bounded your way over to the wardrobe, starting to dress yourself so that you two could grab something to eat. And check on your mail for the day.

Thomas made his way to you, gently placing his hands over yours while you did up the buttons up the back of your dress. "May I?"

"Go ahead," you said breathily, releasing your hold on the stiff buttons. Your husband took his time carefully slipping each stiff button through its loop, softly kissing your temple as he worked his way up your back.

He rushed to grab for your collar piece before you reached for it, making you both break out into light chuckles as he tightened his other arm around you, pressing a kiss to your cheek once he'd successfully grabbed the piece of fabric. "Never pictured you to be the type that had a playful mood, husband," you giggled, righting yourself and gathering your hair in your hands so he could secure the piece around your neck.

Before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips to the back of your neck, the sound of your staggered breathing and faint whimper spurring him on to press another. And another. All so that the words that danced on the tip of his tongue couldn't escape. Come back to bed. I wish to hold you a while longer. I have no desire to leave this room.

And the most dangerous words of all. Words that he never thought he would say to another and fully mean them. I love you. And I wish to spend the rest of my life with you.

"Thomas," you gasped his name like you were fighting for breath, reaching behind you and holding on to him to keep yourself upright. He groaned against your neck when your hand met the bare skin of his stomach. "What's gotten into you?"

His adamant words from many nights ago nearly slipped from his lips. You're my wife. I should be with you. It should be you.

"Can I not simply indulge in greeting my wife--"

The sharp rapping of knuckles on your bedroom door pulled you both harshly out of the moment, worsened by the shrill tone of Lucille on the other end. "If you both dawdle about, breakfast will get cold."

"We'll be down shortly, Lucille, just start without us," you called back, muttering something about mood ruiners. "We should go," you told him with a downhearted exhale, your breath hitching again when it seemed that the last few moments seemed to have no effect on Thomas, who resumed with kissing along the column of your neck. "Thomas, didn't you hear your sister? Breakfast will get cold."

"Then we'll eat it cold, darling," he mumbled, setting your collar piece back down on your dresser so he could wrap his arms around you. He turned you around in his arms, mesmerized as he watched your hair slip from your hand and fall to frame your face. "Have I told you how exquisite you look in the morning light?"

You broke out into a smile, averting your gaze from his as you made a motion to step out of his hold. "Thomas come on, we should go you need to--"

"Or how I think you're absolutely brilliant?" he cut you off, framing your face in his hands before pressing a tender kiss to your lips. Will I ever get to tell you that I've fallen in love with you? he thought to himself, savoring the fleeting moment where you returned his kiss before breaking it, taking a step backward and looking visibly flustered.

There was a long moment of deafening quiet before you spoke again, your tone soft, almost wistful. "If you keep this up, Sir Sharpe, I'll have no choice but to miss you when this is all over." Your expression became guarded, veiling to your husband the poignant fact that you, too, dreaded what would come after today.

The truth was that you already missed him, longed for him, even when he was already within your arm's reach. Just as he longed for you.

"There is still no mail that has come for your wife, Thomas," Lucille seethed the moment she made his way to his side as he fixed some tea for both of you. "I am growing quite impatient, it's nearly been a month and still no correspondence regarding her inheritance has come for her. In fact, no correspondence has come for her at all. As if there isn't a single soul that even cares to check up on her. Keep in touch. Could it be possible, sweet boy, that this Y/N is playing us for fools?"

A lump formed in Thomas' throat at his sister's suggestion, panic rising inside of him knowing how close her speculation actually was to the truth. "She did mention her father was quite the busy man, perhaps he has been overwhelmed with his work and will reach out soon."

"Well the old fool better hurry," she hissed. "The sooner we get what we need from this one, the sooner we can build toward an even better life together. Perhaps even make our way out of this decaying house. Finally let it sink to the ground."

The only better life I can envision is with the woman waiting for me at the dining table, he wanted so desperately to bite back. "Has any correspondence arrived for me, sister?" He struggled to keep his composure, forcing a smile on his face as he faced her cold, calculating features. How could you ever have convinced me that what we had, what you had me do, was love?

She was visibly taken aback by how he diverted the conversation, no longer speaking in a hushed tone and ensuring that you could hear from where you sat. "There--There is. A notice that those parts you ordered for your machine have come in. You'll need to sign for them at the post office."

"Excellent, I can bring Y/N along with me. Make a day of it."

Your face lit up at the mention of the notice. His supplier was perfectly within schedule. The end of your time together truly was drawing near; nearer than he ever wanted. "I would love to come with you to the city, husband," you beamed at him. "There are some letters I wish to send to my family as well. Keep them apprised of what I've been up to since getting married. All about Allerdale Hall and its rich history."

"That sounds like a perfect idea," Lucille told you both through gritted teeth. "I hope you two have a lovely time, then. Do try to get home before the blizzard strikes." Before Thomas made his way back to you, Lucille grabbed his arm in a talon-like grip. "The moment any form of correspondence comes for her, you are to tell me right away, dear brother. My patience can only last for so long."

"Ah, Miss Y/L/N, aren't you quite the sight to behold. How long has it been since you've aided us in a case with your expansive knowledge?" Detective Jeffries, a colleague of yours from Scotland Yard, was there to pick up his own mail from the post office and bumped into you and Thomas right as you arrived.

"Too long, Jeffries. Hopefully not so long that you'd all forgotten that the reason for my prolonged absence has been my acclimation to married life. I actually go by Lady Sharpe now," you politely corrected him, giving his hand a firm shake before gesturing toward your husband. There was a noticeable pinch at your heart calling yourself that. Lady Sharpe. You wouldn't be for long if things worked out according to plan. "I'd like to introduce you to my husband, Sir Thomas Sharpe. Lord of Allerdale Hall."

There was a fleeting moment of pure glee on Thomas' face at your introduction before he settled into a more cordial expression, stepping forward to shake the detective's hand. "Good to meet you, Detective," he greeted, placing his other hand on the small of your back before stepping back to your side. "I shall go see to my deliveries now, darling." Before he walked away and let you catch up with your colleague, he pressed a kiss to your cheek, giving you a soft smile before walking further into the post office for his parcel.

"And here I once recalled a feisty consultant insisting that she'd never fall in love or become the marrying type," Jeffries teased, wagging a finger at you as if to tell you 'I told you so'. "Matrimony becomes you, though, my friend. Both you and your husband are positively radiant with your adoration for one another. It doesn't take a detective to notice that."

His remark sat heavily in your heart, every part of you struggling not to give it away that the words struck a nerve. This marriage was a sham, and it would all be over soon. Thomas was just doing a remarkable job at pretending, and you…you didn't have to. Out here in public, feeding into the image of a newlywed couple happily in love, this was the only time you could let your love for him show. To communicate the sentiment that you would never dare to with words.

"Right well uhm…" You cleared your throat, shaking your head as if to shoo the conversation away. "What you said about aiding you all with a case…that's actually what I came here for. You remember those cases on the board that we could never make any headway on? Enola Sciotti? Edith Cushing? Pamela Upton? All missing persons cases?"

"Don't tell me you were spending your honeymoon investigating these cases, Y/N, that's simply depressing--"

"I didn't actively seek out the information, I stumbled into it," you cut him off, clutching the envelope of documents in your hand with a death grip. "Married into it, really."

Sheer horror colored your friend's features, throwing a look at the baronet currently making small talk with the workers inside as he signed for his parcels. "He--"

"No, Jeffries, not him. His sister. Lucille Sharpe. Right piece of work, that one. Sad to say they're no longer 'missing persons' cases." You placed the envelope into his hands, holding his gaze and hoping that he could see the desperation in your eyes. "These are copies of death certificates, marriage certificates, and money transfers. It paints a morbid timeline that will tell you what happened, what's been happening, behind the doors of Allerdale Hall. I've also made a transcript from recordings I found from a phonograph. One of his former wives caught a confession from Lucille Sharpe. There's a map of the manor in there as well, showing you where you'll find all the original documents and the recording cylinders."

"Y/N, if this is all true, you're not safe in that manor." His tone was laced with more than understandable concern. "Neither of you are."

"That's why I need you to get those documents to Scotland Yard as soon as you can and come to Allerdale Hall to arrest Lucille," you told him, your own fears starting to creep into your words as they stumbled out of your mouth. "She's already getting stir-crazy waiting for an inheritance to come to me that doesn't even exist. We've only barely managed to convince her that there's a windfall coming my way, but it won't be long until she grows impatient enough to kill me anyway and start fresh. Jeffries, we can't let her harm another woman for the sake of satiating her bottomless pit of hunger for money and status."

Now the detective clutched the documents tightly in his grasp, giving you a nod before flagging down a carriage. "We should have a squad there tomorrow. Until then you two stay safe. Perhaps try and spend the night elsewhere, just to make sure." He reached out to you, both of you grasping the other's forearm in a show of trust and respect. "Thank you, Y/L/N--I mean, Sharpe. You're about to bring closure to a whole lot of distraught families with this."

You only nodded, fear for your own safety creating a lump in your throat you found near impossible to swallow. "Let's focus on putting Lucille behind bars before we focus on what comes after. Thank you, Jeffries." You closed the door to the carriage and tapped on the wooden panel twice. "To Scotland Yard!" you called out to the coachman, who tipped his hat to you before the carriage began to move.

As you made your way back into the post office, you tried to force a wide smile onto your face, stomping down any fears you had for what awaited you once you made your way back to Allerdale Hall. And any anticipation you had for the heartache that would accompany your inevitable divorce.

Once you were within arm's reach, Thomas reached for your hand, pulling you towards him and wrapping his free arm around your waist before softly kissing your lips. "There you are, sweetheart." He quickly noticed the absence of the envelope from your hands. "It's done?"

You gave him a tight-lipped smile. "It's done," you confirmed. "We really did it."

The entire time that Thomas inspected the coil springs and other machine parts that were delivered for him, he kept his arm around your waist, his hand over yours and lacing your fingers together. His face was a mix of emotions, the plainest to see being relief, no doubt from the realization steadily creeping in that in a few short days he truly would be free from all of this.

There was a disquiet in his eyes, too. One that he tried so hard to mask, but you'd gotten to know him well enough ever since your courtship that no smile, no matter how bright or breathtaking, could ever mask it from you. And you knew exactly where his concern lied. It wouldn't take long for Scotland Yard to conclude that even though he had not been the one administering the potion, or the one holding the cleaver, he still bore a great amount of responsibility for the deaths of all his former wives.

Thomas would be seen as an accomplice to his sister's crimes; perhaps a case could even be argued for third-degree murder because of his administering of the cyanide. Sure the documents would reveal Lucille to be the mastermind, but they would also reveal that in some of those cases that had gone cold, Thomas was partly the executioner.

You flinched in his hold when the sound of the post office's main doors slamming shut hit your ears, all of you inside turning your heads toward the man holding the handles, a frantic look in his eyes. "The storm's gotten too strong," he huffed out, slumping to the ground. "No carriages in or out of the area, if the lot of us value our safety."

Your husband let out a sigh of relief, holding you closer against him before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Perhaps when we arrive at the manor tomorrow we need not even face her," he whispered into your hair.

"Yes, and while that is a marvelous turn of events, husband, we are faced with one…tiny problem." He tilted his head at you slightly, prompting you to continue. "We're still stuck here, and the nearest inn to rent a room is a good walk away. In this storm we'd likely freeze before we even reached the front door."

"Ah, yes…that," he murmured, brows knitted together as he tried to look around the post office for a possible place to pass the time.

"Erm…we might have something that could house yous," one of the workers spoke up, jerking his head towards the back of the office, signaling for you to follow him. "We 'ave a little suite here set up for whenever the owner comes by and wants to spend a few days in the city. Sure he won't mind if you use it for tonight."

He opened the doors to reveal a quaint bedroom that felt a far cry from the echoes of faded opulence that your room in Allerdale Hall held, and yet still emanated the feel of a warm embrace that home was supposed to feel like. When you looked upon Thomas, you could see from his expression that he likely held a similar sentiment.

"This will do more than fine," he stated, holding out his hand to the worker to shake. "Thank you."

"So now that your grievous time with Lucille is finally coming to a close, what are your plans for…well, the rest of your life? Your freedom?" you asked Thomas through the divider in the room, trying to keep your tone casual as you changed into your underdress, preparing for sleep.

He answered you with a sharp huff. "In truth, darling, I haven't even begun to think about it yet. I feel as if I am not completely in the clear yet. Best to focus my attention on that first before thinking about what I wish for my freedom to look like."

You took out the final pin in your hair, setting it down on the little table by the window, next to your blades, before stepping out from behind the divider, your husband immediately catching sight of the furrowed brows and the grimace on your face. "I'm sure Scotland Yard will have a degree of leniency, considering that Lucille's arrest will lead to the closing of multiple cold cases on their board."

"That was entirely your work, Y/N. Your work in making the arrest possible is all that they will see--"

"And I wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of it if I didn't have help," you cut him off, making your way over to him and placing your hands on his shoulders, giving him a slight shake. "Not just from the spirits in that house, but from you. If I didn't have you in my corner, I would've been caught that first night. I know that I owe you a great debt for what you--"

The rest of your words died in a muffled squeak as he pulled you to him, the jerking motion causing you to straddle him on the bed as he captured your lips in a sudden kiss. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his lips moving against yours, his hands roaming your body freely until they buried themselves in your hair.

He groaned against you, the sound melting into the sweetest sounding whimper when you crossed your hands behind his neck, pulling him closer. This would be the last night that you could call him your husband; perhaps you could allow yourself a sliver of indulgence. When he broke the kiss, he wrapped his arm securely around your waist before flipping you onto the bed, your back hitting the mattress with a soft thud.

"My beautiful, brilliant wife," he rasped, the gravelly tone of his voice sending thrills up your spine. He proceeded to kiss along your neck, softly sucking at the base of your throat while he undid the tie at the top of your underdress. A mix between a gasp and a moan escaped you when he hooked your leg around his waist, pressing your hips together.

"Thomas what are you doing?" you asked him dumbly, breathlessly. "We don't need to do this tonight. Or ever again--"

"I want to," he mumbled, pressing a kiss above your heart. "I wish to lay with you, Y/N Sharpe." He kissed his way back up to your lips, looking at you with those pleading pup-like eyes that made him near impossible to resist. That whittled your resolve down to nearly nothing. "Please…"

You were finding it increasingly difficult to deny him, especially with how he was pressed against you, and you could feel his erection even through the layers of his trousers and what sheer clothing you had on yourself. And considering how you'd come to feel about him in the weeks past, how alarmingly quickly you recovered from the shock of his true predicament and the actual circumstances of your marriage, and you still found yourself falling so recklessly in love with him, most parts of you wanted nothing more than to say yes to him.

But then there was the borderline unwelcome party in your internal argument. The logical voice in your head that rationalized his actions as an overwhelming gratitude mistaken for desire. That you had done so much to get him out of the diabolical inescapable captivity that Lucille manipulated him into, and he couldn't articulate his gratitude to the point that in his mind, he saw it as an urge to lay with you.

"Thomas…" you said his name slowly, trying so hard to keep your head level and work against your more primal urge to just shout your assent. Taking deep breaths wasn't any help; it just pressed your bodies closer together, the slightest shift in his hips threatening to drive you mad. "Think about this for a moment…Wouldn't you rather wait until you could lay with someone that you love?"

There was a split second where a pained look crossed his face, before he leaned back down to softly capture your lips, moaning into the kiss when you threaded your fingers through his curls. "I wish to at least do something for you." He kissed you again before presenting you with another all too tempting offer. "If we cannot lay together, then at least let me pleasure you."

He kissed a trail along your jaw, his breath warming your skin before he traced the shell of your ear with his tongue. His next words had you letting out a whimper of his name, your desire for him that had been simmering for weeks now starting to boil over.

"I've been reading through the books in the manor's library, and all I wish to do is show you what I've learned. To explore these avenues of pleasuring with you. My wife. Please. Let me at least do that."

Another whimper escaped you, the only sound you could manage to make as you finally relented and nodded your head. There was a glimmer of excitement in his eyes as he scanned your face, eyes never leaving yours as his hand made its way under your dress and up between your legs. Your mouth fell open in a silent moan once his fingers made contact with your slick arousal, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a half-smile.

He breathed your name, carefully studying every detail of your face as he traced up along the length of your slit, his mouth breaking out into a devilish grin when you arched your back off the bed, screaming for him when he touched the hardened bundle of nerves above your entrance. "Exquisite," he rasped, repeating the motion and causing you to let out a sharp moan. You could only manage a whimper when he started to kiss along your collarbone while those sinful fingers kept on stroking you, dipping into your warmth before making their way back to your clit.

Before long you felt a tension at your lower stomach, begging to be released. Whenever you'd reached this point in your solitude, back in the city, from your own touch, you would close your legs. The sensation was too great and you would stop yourself. Catch your breath. Having your husband situated between your legs made it impossible to close them now, his fingers still diligently stroking you. "Thomas p-please," you squeaked, struggling to breathe. "'S too m-much for me."

"Not enough," he muttered against your skin, stroking at you faster as he kissed at your collarbone. "Let go, darling. I've got you." He pressed an open mouthed kiss to your neck, flicking his tongue against the spot and letting out a whimper that sent you over the edge, your walls fluttering and clenching around nothing as he continued to stroke at your clit.

Thomas proceeded to kiss down your chest while you tried to catch your breath, pulling back his fingers from you to firmly hold on to your hips, pinning you to the bed as his lips descended further down. You uttered his name in a breathless question, your heart beating even faster when his hands moved to hike your underdress up your legs and place your thighs on his shoulders.

"I'm not done yet," he said with a whimper, kissing his way up your inner thigh and looking up to meet your eyes, his pupils blown out so wide his eyes were near black. Shining with a sincerity that stole what air remained from your lungs. "I wish to taste you."

"Thomas what are you--Oh!" You arched your back off the bed once more, letting out an obscene moan as he licked up your entrance and closed his mouth around the oversensitized nub above it. The sight of his onyx curls subtly moving with every bob of his head, his hands grasping your thighs to keep you in place, immediately burned itself into your memory.

You would remember every devastatingly pleasurable moment of tonight for as long as you'd live. Remember him.

It wasn't long before he brought you to the brink of orgasm again, mercilessly flicking his tongue against you until you came undone, your husband making you ride his tongue while you came down from your high. Soft groans slipped from his mouth while he licked away at your release, kissing along your inner thighs again when he brought the fabric of your underdress over your legs again.

There were no words left in your mind except one somber truth. "You're going to make a fortunate woman very happy in the future, Mister Sharpe."

Thomas couldn't sleep that night, holding your sleeping form in his arms as he absently stroked at your hair. His life felt like a stick of dynamite that could set off and crumble around him at any moment now; while he allowed himself to feel a touch of relief that soon he would finally be free from Lucille and her wretched ways, that freedom came at a heart-wrenching price.

You.

Your words before you went slack in his hold haunted him, ringing constantly in his mind now like an eerie church choir. You're going to make a fortunate woman very happy in the future, Mister Sharpe.

His day ended the same way it began, watching your peaceful features as your head rested on his chest. With him speaking words he hoped would somehow reach you in your dreams. "I want to make you happy, Y/N." He didn't bother fighting back the tears that welled in his eyes as the thought slammed into him that this may very well be the last night he had with you.

And then you would disappear from his life. You'll be free from me, too.

"I don't want to be free of you," he whispered through the suppressed sobs. "I wish to be free with you. I love you, Y/N Sharpe." He pressed his lips to your forehead, a tear rolling down his cheek as he did so. "Please don't leave me."

A/N: In today's episode of "YN is stronger than all of us" 🥴 I know that this is super slow going but I promise there are plans to guide me through writing the rest of the series and I'll get to finishing it 🫡

'everything' taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover @dryyoursaltyoceantears @herdetectivetheorist

#thomas sharpe x reader #thomas sharpe smut #thomas sharpe x female reader #crimson peak fanfic #crimson peak fanfiction #the final lady sharpe #muddyorbs writes #fic requests #500 follower celebration

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vickyvicarious · 2 days

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There were even such books of reference as the London Directory, the "Red" and "Blue" books, Whitaker's Almanac, the Army and Navy Lists, and—it somehow gladdened my heart to see it—the Law List.

Me at first: I am getting cute aggression stop!

Me now: Wait, what if Dracula is studying the Law List in order to find ways around the system like what legal strings must be pulled to enter an inhabited house uninvited.

Well, he is still deeply adorable. Baby Solicitor comforted to see Law in the wild. I love it just as much now.

But yeah, also that's an alarming idea, and something I 100% would believe. Something I don't think Dracula often gets enough credit for is how innovative he is about the rules of vampirism in this book. He absolutely does some rules-lawyering of his own, and in fact his entire plan is dependent on a pretty clever move with the whole if I surround myself in my native soil then I'll be fine to cross running water trick. And he also is pretty good at thinking of backup plans and contingencies. He eventually has a bunch of those here in the castle with Jonathan, such as:

Jonathan is locked in so he can't get out

He doesn't know the exact way back even if he did

While he's lost in the wood wolves could hunt him down before he found friendly people, if he did escape

Dracula's impersonation of him turns the locals against him if he did get to them, past the wolves, lost in the woods, through the locked doors

Also no one at home will know what happened to him because of his dictated letters and Dracula's impersonation, suggesting an entirely different timeline/location for him vanishing

And all of this layers well with other goals, such as isolating and emotionally torturing Jonathan. Stuff like his multiple lawyers/homes for his multiple dirt boxes to be stashed are also really clever. Dracula can make a good plan... given enough time/control over a situation. But he consistently underestimates his opponents, because he believes he is so innately superior to them. In doing so, he leaves gaps, opportunities they can take advantage of without him even realizing (sticking to the Jonathan example: his diary, some of his more extreme snooping, the final escape. Or later on, a fantastic example is Mina turning his attack on her against him, both choosing to spy back on him, and figuring things out from his triumphant evil monologue).

He also gets impatient and stubborn. I've mentioned before how he could have played the entire Lucy situation much smarter had he been more patient/less outraged at people here figuring out a way to temporarily hold him off. And when things go wrong, he's not great at pivoting in any kind of subtle/clever way. He defaults to anger, force, shows of power. And again, that can be used against him.

Sorry, I got totally away from your point. Yes, I agree, he'd try. And it would be completely in-character for him to overlook that actual lawyers might be able to out-maneuver him in such an area, and he'd get stupid-mad should they mess up some plan by doing so. That could be a fun thing to incorporate into some kind of AU (where Lucy survives: imagine if Mrs. Westenra's lawyer insisted on putting in some kind of clause that she kept the house at least until her marriage was finalized) (preventing Mina's attacks/saving Renfield: if the lawyer characters put together the stuff with Lucy and looked into the legal documents for the asylum, maybe putting some document together that changed the wording to restrict his access unless only Seward invited him in, or Renfield's invitation only went for the main asylum, not Jack's private rooms, or whatever).

#dracula daily #dracula daily spoilers #count dracula #anonymous #replies #i don't know enough about lawyering/invitations to flesh it out but. you could do stuff with that i'm sure

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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 1 day

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Joy, what if there's someone else or a family who have similar hair colour and eyes colour see Peter and decided that he belong with their family haha and Tony who heard about that got jealous and declared war to them haha

What if that person/family *was* Tony and it's not until AFTER he has his armor in a twist about it that he figures out it's him. lmao.

Like, one day Peter mentions that there's this person who kinda looks like him and he kinda likes to pretend he's his dad. "Do you think that's weird?"

Tony feels like he's just taken the entire weight of a train to his gut. Because, well- he kinda thinks of Peter as his kid. He knew him first. He called dibs! But Peter looks nervous and a little embarrassed so he forces a smile. "I think as long as that person is good to you, it's fine." But it's a lie. It's a HUGE lie because no one could treat Peter better than he can.

"Well, the thing is- they don't actually know I, uh- think that. They *are* good to me but really, it's just kind of a game I play with them. In my head."

Tony nods, his brain is turning. If he can figure out who this person is, he can ask them to back off. He could let them know the kid has the whole mentor-father figure thing covered. No need to butt in. He clenches his jaw, imagining what that would feel like. "So, is it a teacher or-" He needs to narrow down his options.

"He teaches me stuff."

"Family friend?"

"Kind of. May was a little weird about it at first but he's growing on her."

Great, Tony thinks. If May likes this guy that could create a massive problem because May does NOT like him. She doesn't hate him either but if she had to choose someone for her nephew to internally parentalize? Is that a word? Doesn't matter. If May had to choose. It wouldn't be him. He really needed to track this guy down; maybe find him a job on the opposit side of the planet.

He wants to ask who exactly this person is, but if he's going to declare a secret war on them he needs the Parkers to believe he has no idea who Peter is talking about. So, he doesn't ask. Instead, he spends the next two days coming up with a plan of action. Nothing too nefarious. He comes up with a fake raffle. One that would allow the winner to visit the SI headquarters in China. If that person was then offered a permanent job there with benefits, a sign-on bonus and housing- well, who could give that up?

After that was worked out, he used FRIDAY to narrow down a list of suspects. He made certain to ask Peter about his daily activities, He tried to bring up the mystery person in conversation, hoping to gain some insight. All the while he had FRIDAY analyzing the data.

All of that effort, and by day six he's narrowed it down to two people and neither of them makes sense. Ned's Dad looks nothing like Peter. And that teacher Peter talks about, Mr. Harrington doesn't seem to take an interest in Peter outside of school-related functions.

"Peter- who is this person?" he finally asks, trying and failing to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"What person?"

"The person you see a- the one you pretend is your dad. I've been trying to figure it out and- who is it?"

Peter ducks his head, his lip goes between his teeth and his cheeks turn five sade of red.

"Come on, Pete. It can't be that bad." Horror passes through his brain. "It's not Happy is it?" He can't send Happy to China. If it's Happy he's going to have to live with it. Miserably.

"No!" Peter looks up briefly. "It's- Mr. Stark, it's you."

That tain is back to hit him in the gut again. This time in a good way. "Me? I thought you said May liked this person?"

Peter laughs. "I said they were growing on her."

Tony thinks back. Peter had also said the person looked kind of like him, was good to him, and taught him stuff. He supposed he fit the bill. His chest, and subsequently his cheeks grew warm. "Pete, I-"

"I'm sorry! I know it's weird!"

"Not weird, Buddy. One hundred percent not weird."

"It's not?"

"Nah. Or if it is, then we're both weird because I've been thinking about you as my kid for a while." He grins. "Is this the part where we hug?"

Peter grins too. "I don't know. Are we there yet?"

"Get in here you little punk!" He and Peter fall into each other's arms. They squeeze tightly and smile stupidly. Eventually, Tony glances up at the ceiling. "Hey FRIDAY? Cancel operation 'Three's a Crowd.'"

"Operation what? Peter asks.

Tony yanks Peter's head back down onto his chest and squeezes him a little more tightly. "Nothing. Don't worry about it. Let's just hug it out, then go do some science."

Peter giggles happily. "Sure, Mr. Stark. Let's do that."

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rarityroo · 2 days

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Dating Shōta Aizawa HCs

Hey, I haven’t written fanficion in a while (about 3 years) so please be kind and if you have any criticism let me hear it. This isn’t proofread and also written with a fem reader in mind, I whipped this up today while I work on requests! Enjoy!

You two have known each other since you were teenagers. You both attended UA and became friends after Hizashi introduced you to him properly, having seen him around whether it be in the halls or passing him as you left the school to go home.

It was very obvious you had a crush on him, so Hizashi being the outgoing guy he is, he decided to play matchmaker and do everything he could to get you two together.

Hizashi started small, he would make plans with the two of you and either "forget" to be there or "something would come up". Unfortunately, it didn't work quite the way he wanted it to as Shōta would be too nervous to be with you one-on-one for an extended amount of time and would often go home.

This made you very sad as you assumed that meant he didn't like you romanticly in the way you liked him. Hizashi noticing this decided to go to more extreme measures, he planned to put fake love confession notes in both of your lockers.

Causing the two of you to finally face each other and confess your feelings.....

You look at the note in your hands lightly trembling peering down at it, your heart clenches in a mixture of anxiety and excitement at the thought that this is genuine. A confession from the man you had a crush on for so long, God this felt like a dream! The note says to meet him at the top of the rooftop of UA, this felt unreal, it felt too outgoing and too forward, this was so unlike Shōta. Despite it all a part of you wanted to believe it anyway.

With anxious steps, you go up toward the rooftop, you see him with his back turned to you the wind lightly sweeping his hair, he turns to you with an unreadable expression he pauses before finally saying, "So...you wanted to meet me here?" You're struck with confusion "W-What? I thought-" Completely bewildered by this situation, Shōta looks at you, you look at him, you both blink in bafflement. "Hold on I thought you wanted to meet me here?" Shōta declares, his eyes holding a look of hurt confusion. "I do! Trust me I do, I just thought...you wanted to meet me here." You say. As you stand there, caught in this whirlwind of misunderstanding, "I think Hizashi had something to do with this." you say sheepishly finally understanding the situation. Shōtas confusion shifts to a mix of annoyance and amusement, while you can't help but feel a rush of embarrassment. But amidst the chaos, something clicks inside you. You take a deep breath, gathering your courage.

"Actually, Shōta, there's something I've been wanting to tell you," you begin, your voice shaky. "Even though this whole situation is a mess, I have to say. I... I have feelings for you. And not just because of this note mix-up, but because, well, I've liked you for a while now."

Shōta's expression softens, his eyes widening in surprise. "You... you do?" he stammers, his usual stoic demeanor faltering.

You nod, a blush creeping onto your cheeks. "Yeah, I do. So, um, would you maybe want to go out sometime? Like, on a real date?"

A smile spreads across Shōta's face, his eyes sparkling with soft admiration. "I'd love to," he replies, his voice gentle yet so sincere. "And... I think I might have some feelings for you too."

After graduating from UA you two stayed together the entire time even getting an apartment together. Despite you and Shōta being proheros while Shōta is an underground hero with a chaotic schedule that usually makes him return home at ungodly hours of the night, you try to keep a somewhat domestic lifestyle. Making him lunches or making dinner and leaving it in the microwave for when he gets home.

You two also have two cats together, a Russian blue named Cheese and a long-haired tabby cat named Azuki. Shōta is an amazing cat dad, after patrol, he sometimes gets them treats and will always get them the best toys, food, and the nicest food and water bowls.

His students know about you, he doesn't talk about you very often because he values his privacy but Hizashi likes to tease him about his "pretty partner" making Shōta very flustered and annoyed.

One thing you were always sure of is that no matter how difficult either of your days was, no matter how much physical and mental pain both of you were in you would always come back to each other.

After a long night of patrol, his body was sore and his mind was clouded and tired, aching limbs carry his body into the shared apartment, Shōta looks at the clock on the wall, 3 AM "Damn", Shōta says rubbing his hands across his face in exhaustion, a soft mew pulls him out of his fatigued state. Azuki looks up at him, soft round eyes staring, "Hey Azuki, you keep momma company?" Shōta reaches down to pet the cat's head Azuki meows happily in response. He smiles softly and walks over to your shared bedroom, slowly opening the door not bothering to undress out of his hero uniform. Plops down into the bed exhaustion taking him completely he falls asleep comfortably, Shōta mind feels no longer plagued with weariness and anxiety just peace and clarity always with you. Forever with you.

#bnha x reader #aizawa x reader #my hero academia #mha x reader #shota aizawa #shota aizawa x reader #my hero acedamia x reader #aizawa x reader fluff #bnha aizawa #mha aizawa #myheroacedamia

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extrakatelyn · 21 hours

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extrakatelyn’s personal growth may challenge (update) ᰔᩚ

˚ ༘· week 1 ˚ ₊˚ ˑ༄ؘ

- drinking more water

i’ve been doing really good in this area actually! i have been drinking at least one of my stanley cups of water a day (i have the 40oz). definetly going to the bathroom more but it doesn’t bother me especially bc its for the better of my health.

- start exercising more often

out of all the areas im ngl this the one i have been lacking in bc im trying to figure out what plan to go w regarding my gym thts closest to me but most likely going to end up signing up mid may.

- affirming & manifesting

i have been affirming & setting my manifestation intentions daily. saying out loud as often as i can as well as writing it down in my journal specifically for manifestation etc.

- trying out new baking recipes

made some cupcakes the other day! definitely want to perfect that and tweak it to make it perfect!

- becoming more disciplined

this was one of the main things i wanted to practice bc i knew it would have such a major impact in all areas of my life. i been doing really good in regards to this. getting up everyday and not going om my phone first thing and sticking to tht. journaling everyday and sticking to it. eating out less. basically everything tbh. super proud of my progress in this area

- build my savings more

been doing sooo good here too ! learning to not take out of my savings and if i really want something i need to wait and save for it. another place where discipline comes in

- start actually getting ready for the day

im ngl i have been lacking in this area a little but thats okay! i go to work about 3-4 times a week and im getting ready for tht so progress is progress.

- journaling

literally amaze. been journaling everyday consistently and i lovee. something about waking up, taking a big gulp of water, and opening your curtains to let the sun in while you journal. like it just puts me in a good and fresh mood. ready to start the day. aware of my goals for tht day and such. also lets my brain ease into waking up instead of going straight on my phone and waking it up w/ whatever nonsense social media has going on.

[feel completely free to join in with me in this challenge and even add some things of your own! its totally customizable. I will be checking in on here periodically to tell you guys my progress as well as the things I've done to help me get to my goals]

xoxo

𝑒𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓀𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃💋

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sevensoulmates · 1 day

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Greetings, I really want to know your opinion about this topic I saw. Something about metrics, so my friend was saying there's is a shift big enough in the fandom favorite characters because the buck/tommy ship is the most popular pairing now than buddie is and abc was waiting to see the fans reaction to decide the future story of buddie and the possiblity of buck tommy is bigger now. Are tv studios really measuring this data? I knew they did this with ratings but not this, how exactly fans get this kinda info and statistics? And shows like this one usually listen to the audience this way? I just thought it was interesting but don't know if is true.

If networks only went by what fans trend then buddie would've gone canon back in season 2b/3. That's when they had their first big surge in numbers like right now. Buddie was so popular it was beating out seasoned pairings like Destiel!

And yet...the networks did what they wanted and buddie stayed just platonic friends. Regardless of how popular and profitable buddie was/is.

And I don't believe bucktommy is more popular than buddie. There's a surge in popularity, yes, because they're brand new and Buck is confirmed queer for the first time, so of course there's gonna be a lot of new and excited eyes on it. It's the shiny new thing everyone's curious about. They're almost ENTIRELY a blank slate that people can project all of their desires for a canon pairing to have. It's far easier to trust a pairing that has two confirmed queer characters than it is to hope that the show will do the same for Eddie. There's a lot of factors that go into it, that make it seem like bucktommy would suddenly be the new fan favorite, but you also gotta keep in mind....it's only been a month. It's still fresh in people's heads. Buddie has survived seven years. It all goes down to infatuation vs. love. A crush vs. commitment. You'll see.

And yes, some cynical buddie people or people who just want Buck to get with a guy period and don't care about a love story will jump ship easily. But they are NOT the majority. They're just being super loud right now (which makes sense again it's huge news!) so it FEELS like there's a lot of them.

Myth: eVeRyOnE'S jUmPiNg sHiP to bUCktOmmY

Reality: Most bucktommy shippers are also buddie shippers and are just enjoying a new cute ship while it lasts and multi-shippers are allowed to exist. Just because one ships something doesn't always mean they want it to happen in canon. Two things can exist at the same time.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't think they would've taken the leap to make Buck queer in the first place if they weren't AT LEAST strongly (and I mean strongly) leaning towards making buddie canon down the line. Majority of fans are going to EXPECT it now, and as Tim said, he tries not to let fans dictate what happens in the story, but he IS aware of what fans want. If he's making a decision like this, he is committing to being hounded literally non-stop about buddie until they actually become canon. I don't think he would do that unless that was the end goal, even if it's not for another x amount of seasons.

Yes, networks do keep track of fan metrics because it directly correlates to views which earns them money. BUT just because they know something is popular RIGHT NOW doesn't mean they're gonna just jump and immediately do it or scrap other plans. Especially when those other plans might be something that earns them MORE money down the line. I've talked extensively already about how buddie would be extremely profitable (more profitable than bucktommy sorry).

Fact of the matter is Tim and Co. know how loyal and dedicated most of the buddie fans are. They know they can weather any storm and still come out of it annoying as hell badgering them for the same thing.

Finally, despite Tim Minears many many flaws, I do have faith in him as a writer that he at least TRIES to do right by these characters. He's flawed, he has bosses that he has to adhere to. The same goes for the Kristen Riedel seasons as well. BUT, I think that Tim knows his characters well, and at least has SOME kind of vision of where they need to end up. I trust that Tim is going to be true to his word and is not going to let fandom trends dictate where he takes his story. I hope Tim knows what he wants, and with the approval of the networks, does it.

Edit: You can also think of the Bucktommy vs. Buddie popularity like Spotify monthly listeners. Just because a new popular artist with a trending song suddenly has more monthly listeners than someone established, like say Beyonce, doesn't necessarily mean this new artist is more popular than Beyonce or has more dedicated fans than Beyonce, it just means that person is the hot new thing and is trending so they have more listeners than Beyonce AT THE MOMENT, but not long term. Does that make sense?

#911 abc #buddie #bucktommy #discourse #I almost wasn't gonna answer this but I did #I don't really wanna answer more like this #I don't have any more insider knowledge than y'all do

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subwaytostardew · 2 days

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youtube

▽ Adoptable Joltik - Sidetracked Events⚡️

I added a 7-event (more like 3, really) storyline included as an update to the Adoptable Joltik mod. It consists of Emmet not taking loss well. He misses his Joltik. He doesn't want to bother you about it. He will get back on track eventually.

These play when you enter the backwoods/mountain pass between 6:00 and 10:00 AM after seeing the adoption event and have at least 8 hearts with Joltik. Enter the mountains at the same time for the 5th event (with Ingo). Each event unlocks a new line of daily dialogue from Joltik and starts a cooldown for the next event to not start until after 4 days. The final (7th) event requires 9 hearts with Joltik.

As always... Commentary under the read-more.

▷ Station Steward Thylak

This update didn't really have any planning. It was a spontaneous decision to make more events and all the content was written as I coded so it's a bit rougher than previous events.

I've been wanting to update the Joltik mod to use Emmet's new recolored spritesheet and lock adoptability behind 8 hearts as intended (and also... fix the event requirements since I realized it was set to 10 hearts instead of 8... oops). The file was also zipped in a way that removed the containing folder so it made using mod loaders like Stardrop and Vortex more finicky.

If you've already seen the adoption event, there wouldn't be much incentive for downloading an update since Emmet doesn't appear outside of events. I'm not ready to release him as a full NPC to the general public just yet! His heart events are still broken. I dread going back and fixing them. I got a bit burnt out from working through my backlog of things to do for the mod and wanted to switch tracks from pixel art (so many portraits...). Eventing is my favorite thing to do regarding the mod, so I decided to make more events to include in the update as a break of sorts (not working on the mod? Taking an actual break? Why, I'd never!). More events are the perfect solution for me wanting to show off the new art for Subway to Stardew while also not implementing submas as full NPCs in the Joltik mod.

I could make Emmet's 9-heart event but... I feel like that's more of a Subway to Stardew thing than an Adoptable Joltik thing... if that makes any sense. I might include it later when I get around to writing/coding it, but I thought it would be a bit abrupt to add in the Joltik mod since you don't really get to befriend Emmet as intended there. There's also some people who aren't obsessed with submas and do download the Joltik mod for well, Joltik! Only Joltik. I went into eventing with that in mind and well...

I missed Emmet. I wanted him to be clingy again. I think you can tell where I got a bit self-indulgent. Making a mod is a lot of work and if I have the ability to turn Stardew into an Emmet friendship simulator, I'm going to make the most out of it. I need my emotional support Emmet to keep me on track. So for people familiar with Subway to Stardew and do like submas, you can get Emmet hugs at 9 hearts with Joltik now because I got derailed. Yippee!

The sneaking around in the mountain pass part was just silly. Since you can't visit Emmet in the Adoptable Joltik mod, I wanted to write around you not being able to find him. He's actively avoiding you now. Whether or not you notice him doesn't matter. He's not going to talk to you. It's safer that way.

I was thinking that Emmet doesn't take loss or changes in his routine very well; adopting Joltik would cause him to split tracks with you for a little bit. He's clingy and can't stand the few he cares about being gone even a little bit. He overthinks Joltik being happier with you so his inferiority complex flares up and he gets insecure about you forgetting him, too. He's jealous of you being a two-car train and he misses having Joltik aboard. He knows it's wrong to direct his frustrations at you since all you did was make Joltik happy.

There is a lot derailing his train of thought. While it's hard for him to stay on track, he still cares about you; you're still his best friend and favorite passenger (at the end of the line...). He doesn't want to split tracks forever, so he'll steer himself away in case if he accidentally lashes out or you end up thinking he's annoying with his visits for Joltik. He doesn't want you to hate him. He just wants to make sure Joltik still cares about him and still care for them while he takes the time to adjust to the changes in his routine. He's still frustrated with you, but that's his problem, not yours. He knows that. He thought it was a good idea to avoid you until he adjusted.

After all of that, his frustrations die down and he's a little deprived of his favorite (not-Joltik) passenger. He's clingy again. He won't let anyone derail him. Not even you. But he's back on track!

#subway to stardew #submas #pokemon #stardew valley #joltik #emmet #ingo #sdv mods #subway to stardew terminal station

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joelletwo · 3 days

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wrestling with the 4devas bitchslap again to convince myself its fine if graveyard wins the best ep tourney: it's not the other bloggers who are wrong, it's me

not a complete response to but definitely in conversation with and asking some of the same questions again as @reductionisms's 4devas essay, which tries to square gintoki's "life doesn't need to be fun, i just need you to live" being a series-sanctioned message he's given to villains as an arc-concluding moral continuously up until 4devas with it here being an incorrect worldview that needs to be (physically) corrected by shinpachi, the straightman tonal signpost of gintama

a conflict i have been perplexed by ever since i got to this line on my first watch a year or two ago, since i've seen this line before! all over fandom! as part of the general "dont [bottom text] kill yourself" motivational messaging of gintama that i love!

and, briefly, when i hit 4devas i was also in the middle of being really frustrated by the new arc pattern i was seeing crop up: i loved the villains-turned sympathetic-turned someone worth saving by gintoki tune of the first half of gintama, but it fell massively flat for me in Yoshiwara in Flames, where i was never convinced to be on housen's side but had to watch him get a heartwarming redemptive death at the side of the woman he abused anyways.

then shortly after i had the same exact experience in Red Spider with jiraia, and i thought, if this is what gintama is gonna do with its shitty dudes from now on im gonna quit the fucking show. and then shortly after that i met jirochou and saw him cut down otose the woman he loved (under a raining sky!!! the fucking sky motifs!!! the signpost im about to watch a dude be shittily violent to women and be expected to feel sorry for him about it) and saw too much red to really take in the rest of the arc level-headedly or care about anything in it lol.

so it was written off in my mind as the 'otose almost gets fridged' arc until i rewatched it this week. then i had to remember, oh yeah, there's a ton of political maneuvering fakeouts in this arc that i never actually squared back with how the plot presented itself prior to the reveals, so i'd still been thinking about the "fakeout" plot. then i read the manga version with all the "truths" in mind from the start, and finally i felt like i could understand what this arc is doing a little better.

(way) tldr (4.4k words. sorry): do i love this arc? eh. do i still hate it? eh. but it's doing stuff!

first, i was able to see an echo in all the "actually i was planning to betray you the whole time" "actually i was working to help you the whole time" plot beats of what sorachi does with the larger edo/universe story further into the back half of the manga. if i ever sound like i didnt enjoy or wasnt convinced by the execution of these "reveals," it's because i didnt and wasnt, lol. but it's fun that he had fun with them i guess.

the arc starts with pirako ingratiating herself into yorozuya, then having a classic "bump into you and pretend to be injured to extort you" encounter w her dad's gang. to resolve this without escalating into violence, gintoki... does it back to them, which is really funny. but thus the tone is set for the arc of: DISHONEST APPROACHES TO CONFLICT.

pirako isnt honest about her overall intentions the, like, seven different times that she "admits her real ones." kada plays at peacekeeper in the devas while being the ultimate person scheming to get the upper hand over everyone else in the end. (she's also secretly harusame, evil amanto outsider who acts as a unifying force for the kabukicho fighting itself to band together against and expel: sorachi's favorite move! the problem was never internal, it's the shadowy REAL antagonists who infiltrated us)

jirochou and otose are ultimately doing a pantomime of conflict to try to keep temperatures down and escalations from breaking out, so no one they care about has to get hurt. gintoki doesn't know this until the end, but he follows in their footsteps after his encounter with them in the graveyard: he plays at having given up to the rest of yorozuya so they'll leave and escape the coming kabukicho war, the same thing otose was trying with him. it fails both times. i'm really not sure why gintoki and otose thought it would work, honestly. they should know their kids are stubborn as hell.

but gintoki is in a bind because of the things he needs to protect, and all of his actions are primarily in service of that, to the detriment of how he'd prefer to act if he were less restricted. he is unsurprised and unoffended to hear saigou is only willing to warn them, not help them, because her son is in danger if she acts directly. all four devas are, seemingly, being mutually restrained this way, holding back even when blatantly manipulated to do so. the other constant of this arc: everyone is dishonest, and no one wants to risk losing what they have.

gintoki understands that! of course! he's had to make that calculus before, after all :)

and this arc is just one big cliff scene echo: the entire graveyard scene pushing gintoki to emotional regression because he thinks he's losing another parent figure, one he's just seen the Gintoki Figure of the arc cut down, no less (takasugi stolen valor when he goes berserk against him and only ends up uselessly bleeding out on the ground about it, honestly). otose goes into this willingly so gintoki can live. he accepts this decision because he values protecting her values (her kids living on) and is briefly broken by it (the story says, before giving him shinpachi to "put him back on track"). prior to the bitchslap, after saying he just wants them to live, even if it has to be without him, he says:

i dont have a good understanding of when we start getting reveals of gintoki's backstory versus foreshadowing because i went into gintama already knowing most of it, but definitely by the recent red spider where we get our first real look at (or really, first listen to) shouyou. but here we actually get some of what gintoki felt about it, which he keeps closely guarded even when the whole truth comes out: he's done his best to survive having lost, but it was so unbearable he can't face losing again.

(also, honorable mention backstory echo, the person calling him a brother sets his home on fire to drive him and his parent figure out of town. as i liveblogged: this one would really hurt gintoki if gintoki cared about anything oboro ever did!)

but with the shinpachi story-rerouting, they get the good end, keep everyone (otose, yorozuya, all of kabukicho, even pirako and her dad - everyone but kada) safe without having to sacrifice a single thing, even keep gintoki hopeful for this outcome. so, as goose points out, we are left to understand that there could have been a good end on the cliff, that something is different here than there, and, skipping a lot of math, that that is the people around gintoki.

which i do find really funny to imagine as a slam on takasugi and katsura. sorry you kids suck too much, your teacher dies bc u were cringefail. but lets look at it.

everyone is dishonest, no one wants to risk what they have: gintoki rallies himself to keep fighting but is determined to do it alone. kagura and shinpachi fight him on this; they can't leave because they don't want to lose their home, they can't let him fight alone because they don't want to lose him. they're just as restricted by what they have to keep safe, but their only option is to act where everyone else's is inaction. shinpachi says:

if i may skip over the bitchslap itself for now, gintoki does consent to let his allies fight with him after it. yorozuya stands alone against saigou, who's heavily demoralized but resigned, strongarmed into fighting them by the threat to her son. but on seeing their resolve to keep protecting their own precious home and family she says:

and, to skip straight to my thought, i think this is what turns the tides back in their favor. there are more twists and turns to the fight. pirako equates what binds saigou, which she herself equates to what binds the yorozuya, to what binds her:

(with an intentional distinction that she's willing to actively destroy the others', as opposed to their purely self defensive fighting, which is echoed at some point in her distinguishing gintoki from jirochou in the same way, that jirochou not only lives to protect like gintoki but is willing to destroy in the process. i don't find that part as interesting, but it's more fuel to the power of having something to protect as a driving force as an arc theme.)

so now all three stand on the same ground, absolutely unwilling to give up what they hold dear, but all their cards are on the table. they aren't dealing in 12 dimensions of tricksy defensive pre-emptive moves anymore. they know it wouldnt work, anyways, since they all know their drives to protect are the same and no one will be talked into backing down. now they can directly duke it out and let the winner be determined that way, on strength of will. even before the actual circumstances change, the fight somehow feels freer seeing how inevitable it is. and with everything out in the open, yorozuya can now protect each other and saigou's son, taking out one side of the conflict.

(and with everything out in the open, the ultimate 4devas villain can become the single person who continues to betray the others, kada, whose further machinations - with everything out in the open! - saigou (and later yorozuya) can choose to protect pirako from. everyone wins! because everything was out in the open! do you see where i'm going)

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the arc is rerailed to the better outcome. so is the correction justified?

what does the correction accomplish outside of its moment? most convincingly to me of goose's presented options, i also think it's done as a thematic shift, a, okay, just live was a strategy that worked before but now doesn't suffice, so we need something more.

as to why this is needed now and not earlier or later...tldr bad planning <3 but like.

we have, prior to this, a consistent thrust of arcs where gintoki teaches people to lose. as well, while we meet the harusame and we visit space and we get the barest glimpses of takasugi's weird shadowy background moves there, largely we're dealing with kabukicho characters and kabukicho stories. we see or only hear about the shogun for short comedic moments only. we've largely dropped the series intro focus on things like the shinsengumi or hasegawa acting as foreign diplomats. it's a local series, a hometown series, a kabukicho and not even an edo at large series, a personal story about gintoki making personal connections with his personal experience as a flawed person with a flawed approach to life that has let him, chronic slacker, get by on the bare minimum.

at this moment, chapter 300, we have a slow trickle of gintoki backstory starting to come out to us. we've recently expanded the story focus to include yoshiwara, which gets a callout in this arc by kada to keep it relevant. we have an arc of sorachi testing out plot beats that he'll use again for the endgame, in all the political maneuvering and alliancing and betraying and shadowy outsider space governmenting, where he's also doing a lot of echoing of that backstory that only becomes clear later. so it's possible he's thinking about shifting gears and setting up for the eventual endgame, which means getting out of the episodic cycle so things can stick.

and after this arc, to my opinion and memory, we stop getting the classic gintama flavor sympathizable'd antagonists. a lot of the bigger arcs don't even have clear Big Shot antagonists anymore, being more about the shouyoucore theme of characters fighting against themselves, or if there is one they're always explicitly part of the Shadow Government now, a unified and more daunting force than someone they can win over with an inspiring gintoki interaction.

so 4devas does act as a turning point at least in some way. and it's not possible to say this definitively, since all gintama arcs are ultimately never going to be about gintoki or his friends Actually losing something instead of beating the odds, but it does feel like theres a different flavor to, say, dekobokko with its direct look at how chars lives could be different and better and they will still choose to keep struggling as themselves. and Kintama arc definitely doesn't feel like an early days arc, like it can only resolve the way it does with a gintoki who is now able to face his past and the possibility of losing again and again and again (now with, natch, his faith that yorozuya will by his side when he does).

why now, after 300 chapters of letting it sit ignored in the back of his brain working out perfectly fine except when it doesn't (the very reminder of shouyou in a fight making him go Demon Mode, which is like regular gintoki but worse at fighting, bc he is so unprepared to think about shouyou)? well i personally am in big favor of the "take a decade off" strategy for facing problems. it worked for me too. realistically watsonianly its nice to let things percolate in the brain and do some of the processing behind the scenes until its less immediately painful. and he's made many bonds over these 300 chapters, shown in this arc when the whole town rallies behind him, that are there to support him when he needs it now and weren't there before.

realistically doylistly eh. bad planning.

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the series as a result is rerailed to a writing space where things can start changing (leave the episodic, as you guys say, sazae-san format). it's useful in the future. so is the correction justified in terms of what comes before it? was the correction needed?

thinking about the bitchslap leads to thinking about the cliff scene leads to (sorry kagura and katsura, you guys arent really relevant here) pitting shinpachi and takasugi against each other in how they act with something on the line they can't bear to give up.

i don’t need the lesson of 4devas to apply logistically to the cliff scene. once they were set up on that chessboard, frozen in their assigned places as a backstory, it’s not like takasugi could’ve power of friendship’d his way out of being physically retrained if he decided he wanted to. it’s set up as a forced choice, it has to play out as a forced choice.

but we see that even before it’s asked of him, takasugi is willing, prepared, unbothered to give up his own life for shouyou’s. this is, goose lays out in the sequel, the cardinal sin in gintama - a teacher shouldn’t outlive their student. it would have been especially egregious to shouyou, whose whole desired life’s purpose is to raise students who can outlive him and outgrow him, take his lessons and go out into the world and do their own thing with them. takasugi doesn’t expect to do this and doesn’t seem to see a point in the possibility if shouyou isn’t back with them.

though we can also think of shouyou as a little too quickly willing to give up on the cliff - sorry, gintoki, the suicidal guy has thought about it for .02 seconds and decided the best outcome is for you to kill him even though he could get out of this no problem. maybe its no wonder gintoki gave up too. can we ask katsura what he would’ve done?

and is takasugi different from shinpachi there? he rejects the mentor’s attempt to exchange his own life for his. he’s not willing to consider a life without him.

but shinpachi is convinced no one is going to die. because they’ll be there together. incredibly naive - shinpachi and kagura, restricted to one option by what they need to protect like everyone is in 4devas, have acting as that one option because they are still free in a way gintoki and the other adults aren't. they’ve never actually experienced the impossible choice that forces you to give up, so they can act as if there isn’t one - what else would they do? why would they think to give up?

but gintoki is defined by having lived the impossible choice. its built into the foundation of him as a character and leaks out everywhere. he couldn’t have relied on his friends on the cliff because they were quite forcibly removed from the picture as an option, not by his or their choice. its written as an inevitability, logistics we find out later be damned.

if we refocus to 4devas, we can look at the Gintoki Figure for a different angle. jirochou, after he and gintoki resolve the arc conflict by being able to team up because they - say it with me - put everything out in the open, tells gintoki about his impetus for abandoning his family and coming back to his wayward life in kabukicho, the death of otose's husband.

it's, um, another now really obvious parallel to gintoki, lol. characters talk about how jirochou does everything he does in this arc to try to atone for his failure to both otose and tatsugorou, and i guess thats true bc he was written that way but he has an odd way of showing it, but anyways he resolves that, despite his guilt over this, all he can do now is keep living and keep protecting what they loved together. he's come to the usual gintama message all on his own, reinforcing that this is the correct way to live in this series. he had his own unavoidably shitty situation, and he came to terms with it.

so then where did jirochou go wrong, in the narrative's eyes (other than abandoning one woman and their child to deal drugs in the town of his other woman while ignoring her)? was there a point he could've changed how their trio's story played out? but he loved and trusted tatsugorou, and he was happy to step aside and let him be the one by their otose's side. i doubt he would have been happy stealing her away even if it were possible.

but if we look at the resolution tool of 4devas... he never put everything out in the open!!! everyone knows he loved otose, but in more of an open secret way. in classic romance plot, he never confessed for second male lead rejection closure. indeed, in the closest we ever get to a main character having a romantic plot in gintama, the very ending of the arc flirts with him doing just that now that he's made a little progress with the arc message, with the entire cast of the arc expecting him to (and interrupting before he can).

but if he had when they were young. if he had been honest with his friends. could it have opened up other options that weren't available on his own, that they didnt know to offer? i have a preferred one lol. but u can get creative with all sorts of life paths that avoid tatsugorou dying that way or, at the least, jirochou feeling chained to a shameful life (living in a town he doesn't go out in to protect a woman he doesnt talk to and feeling like he doesnt deserve the family he abandoned for this) because of it.

and then if we take this and rewind back to the cliff... we get to grind my favorite ax, "shouyou shouldve told literally anyone literally anything about his deal." if gintoki knew more about shouyou, they could've faced his horrors together, the whole time. he couldve known that shouyou was being literal calling himself a demon and not internalized his own identity as one for life just because shouyou bonded with him over it. i truly genuinely think the logical conclusion of all of gintama's big messages are that shouyou and gintoki should have been more open with each other.

but i don't think sorachi thinks that. and, you know, by 4devas rules, the unriskable precious things he was protecting by staying silent were his students' humanity, and secondarily his own fragilely newly hopeful heart that literally couldnt stand another 10 millionth round of rejection (killed himself and then went on a 12 year rampage over it. girl i would too).

and takasugi really isn't dishonest about what's going on in his head when he tells us he expects to die for shouyou. that's as cards on the table as i could ask. gintoki is, a little bit, by omission. he does what i'd want him to here - tells takasugi try just not dying - but doesn't give him a reason to, and doesn't tell him he has no plans of letting anyone die for shouyou.

so what goes wrong on the cliff - shouyou is happy, gintoki is happy, oboro's even kind of happy, katsura is irrelevant - is that takasugi is blindsided (whoops) by their silent agreement that betrays the one he thought he and gintoki had. and then ruins everyone's party about it and spends the next ten years doing so for good measure.

which is also, basically, what shinpachi is going through that prompts the bitchslap, too. he thought they were a team, that they had each others backs, not that gintoki is a one-way protector of them. he is blindsided by gintoki lying to and tricking them and hiding things from them. he is hurt by gintoki feeling hopeless all by himself when he could share that with them and be encouraged by their endless child optimism.

and would it need to have changed anything on the cliff? in the moment after the bitchslap, what contributes to gintoki changing his mindset is tama telling him, we trust that you're capable bc youve always shown us that, can you trust us this time? when, later in the arc, gintoki seems to regress by sending kagura and shinpachi away, he asks them to trust that he's still trusting them, relying on them to help shoulder his burden, and in return they know he's staying alive, not self sacrificing. maybe it would've helped just to feel on the same team and not shut out, to be able to trust gintoki like gintoki was trusting shouyou?

so. two paralleled instances of gintoki making a bad situation worse by keeping to himself and being too self sufficient. that feels clear cut that feels fine im okay with that as a takeaway. do i think its exactly what sorachi had in mind while writing this, as opposed to just a good series 'hey lean on your friends' moment to read cool and tug at the heartstrings? eh lol. i think theres definitely room to read takasugi into this arc (i still need to refind the takagin 4devas post...) but its not so baked in that i think he was a PRIORITY in the plotting.

but is the shinpachi SCOLDING necessary is the scolding justified... and yes its in response to life doesnt need to be fun i just want you to live. still a confusing framing i can't immediately square. but/and more immediately its directly responding. to gintoki opening up to them about his insecurities!!

which, as said, he doesnt do!! he doesnt talk about his failures! its basically like, here and to hijikata that one time and otherwise even when we know all the facts about what happened we still never hear gintoki himself talk about it. (so he really DOESNT learn the lesson here either. he stays dissociated and triggered every time utsuro comes up. he tries to solve the altana baby problem on his own. he doesnt talk to his new friends OR his old friends. bwah. gintoki. silver soul.)

so this is like. its just in the wrong order!! its just in a baffling order lol. if you want gintoki to share his burden do you need to punch him when he shares it. does it also need to sound like you're blaming him for not being capable of upholding his promise to protect anyone when thats the insecurity thats got him all discombobulated this arc in the first place (a whole set of notes i took on this that i didnt find a place for in this post)?? its so weeeeiiiiiirddd lol i dont liiikeee itttttt. theres plenty of things shinpachi can validly punch gintoki for but this is such a weird one.

so i guess. having a clearer understanding of this arc do i hate it less? YES honestly. i hate fakeout plots generally they irritate me but everything... more or less makes sense by gintama standards now that i have the whole plot in mind.

do i hate jirochou less SORT OF? i enjoy him. in his individual relationships. i like his shitty dad deal i love shitty dads. i like him pining for otose who genuinely likes him but also brings up her husband every sentence she says to him just to keep him down. i like his parallels with gintoki that they both explicitly acknowledge and find macho comfort in. hes still not theeeeeeeee most well-developed gintama antagonist but you know? i at least think otose and pirako would want to be around him after this.

do i feel like i have a clearer understanding of the bitchslap moment. NOT CONVINCED I DO. i feel like its going to be one of those things that slips in and out of my understanding like sand in cupped hands. i have a tentative understanding of it that i dont think sorachi actually had in mind. so i dont think ive solved it lol.

will i be cursed to think about 4devas forever? god i hope not. am i okay with it beating farewell shins in the polls. god i fucking hope it does. in the horrible timeline where i have to see 305 make it all the way and then lose i guess id rather it be to this one than to hijigin. consider this poll propaganda?

#sopping wet gintoki posting

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